August 6, 2019 • 55 mins
An insider’s view of league bowlers reveals an otherworldly underbelly… Is that the REAL Thor, God Of Thunder, on the main floor of Comic-Con…? The president of a major toilet paper company addresses his troops.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back another episode of Alchemy. This I'm your host,
Kevin Paul. I guess that, Kevin Poul? What's that? Well, no,
you're right. I uh normally, UH do a great deal
of homework and print out two episodes worth of openings
and an individual funnies that I offer up to each
of our alchemists. And um we did a live show somehow.
(00:23):
I when I went to the computer to print it
out this morning, on the way into the show, I
just had the one it's ken episode of preparation and
I feel horrible, but thank you, thank you for letting
me up. Let's start with Vanessa Raglan. Shall we Venetia,
welcome back? Thanks glad to be bad. Oh my goodness,
we're so happy to have you. Um. What was the
thing you missed most about being here with us? Oh? Um,
(00:48):
I was going to say something about Joey, but I
don't know which angle I'm taking. I'll come back to.
That is the correct, Yeah, it is true. It is
a push pope. Carla Kakowski is the other gal in
the room. Hi, I'm a lady, Yeah, one of them
lady funnies, funny ladies, ladies, funny. I don't know, Carla
(01:10):
where you're from originally Kentucky? That's correct, Thank you? Uh
Covington Street, who knows? All right, that's one, one to two?
Who knows Covington James Heeney, how have you been and
we've missed you? So? Oh my gosh, I've been great. Wow,
thank you for asking? How long do I have to?
(01:31):
Can I go back? Let's see? I guess I'm good. Okay.
Can you just give me your favorite moment from the
last seventeen years? Oh gosh, it was I went to
Catalina Island, that's right, I saw on Instagram, so please,
and a fox tried to outsmart me in what way?
In poker or trying to take my food? We were
(01:53):
worn many times, don't feed the foxes, and it came
up to me with the cutest eyes asking for food.
So wild animal known for their killing abilities, came up
to you for some food and you've been warned, and
your response was to get out my take video footage
of it trying to get into my bag of food,
which it didn't get any Thank god. I don't want
(02:15):
to be the reason foxes become sentient. Okay again, right
to us here. I don't know yeah. Well, I don't
carry it often, but when I do, it's enough to
bring a fox to sentience. Right to us with your
further questions to James had your name here at Alchemy
there's dot com. Mr Mark Agleardi, Hello, how are you good? Sir?
(02:36):
I'm great. Summer plans, uh, summer plans right now are
stay at home, close the blinds, keep cool, never leaves,
sit on the internet while everything else beautiful is happening
all around me. Now, just know those of you are
listening that question was asked on the third of July.
You're now hearing this way after the fact. In fact,
(02:58):
it's the fall. Oh my god? What was I doing
with myself in my apartment the summer? How do those
summer plans worked out for you? You know what? I
feel like I've wasted my time? Well said, And once again,
streams are crossing as col Stratton has joined us while
I'm in the room. Thank you for guests hosting all
(03:19):
these episodes. I'm going back and forth on the third season,
or did go back and forth the summer's over? What
did you do for Labor Day? Kevin said? What I
do for Labor Day? It was great? Yeah? Right, I
had a barbecue friends. Yeah, and can I just say
sidebar ch please? Joey Greg has talked about more than
(03:40):
Jay Gatsby, you know what I mean. It's like every
room he's not in, Yeah, because he love him so much? Man? Man?
Is that a perfect analogy? Alright? A lot with no
further ado. Uh. Normally, I ask you to write your
suggestions to us for scenes to your name here at
me this dot com. That's your aim here at Alchemy
(04:01):
this dot com. And you've done such a great job
and I love going through them and curating them. I
try to write back to as many of you as
possible actually, to thank you for your scene suggestions. Again,
as I mentioned at the top, I'm gonna I'm gonna
follow through with that threat of not being prepared by
offering up my own scene suggestions for today. This is
(04:21):
how we started the show, um way like sixty episodes ago,
and um you folks have been so supportive and so great.
So let's see how I do you wrote into your
own show. Dear Alchemists. I'm writing this from the desk
where we record the show every Wednesday, and I just
(04:43):
wanted to say you're all my favorites and except Joey Greer.
He's not here, but only because he's not here. If
you were here, we'd be having sack. Alright, This is
why you have to print your stuff. Someone's got a
(05:05):
new catch, friend, use all of it. Welcome back to
Pollock's Panic. Tonight's episode, bowlers gather for their weekly high
stakes tournament. Bowlers. Hey, Stevie, you got a new ball.
(05:26):
He ain't got a new ball. This is a big
First of all, it's a little bigger than usual. It's
a little bit bigger than a than a normal baby.
You're going for eighteen pounds now, it's well, honestly, it's
it's lighter than it looks it's lighter than it looks like.
It's big. It's ever so slightly. Just one look at
that big ball. Listen, do you think that what is
(05:50):
bowling ball? You think the rest are gonna notice? Am
I going to be in trouble with Stevie? You know,
for several weeks now you've been talking about how golf
changed its whole thing with the bigger hand on the clubs,
and someone had to introduce that. You said, I'm gonna
bring a bigger ball. I don't think any of us
believed you were going to Actually, that's a huge ball.
Wait a minute, Wait a minute, and wait a minute.
You can have a ball like that. Your team seems
(06:11):
really excited about it, But I tell you it's not
the rest of us over here on the other side
of the aisle from you. That's right, that's not an
illegal ball. That's definitely not illegal. Not illegal ball. You
know you do use that? Yeah, well, apparently this refs
you know something as a captain of the pinheads. Can
I just tell you, right, guys, I told you that
was a terrible not intimidated. We're not intimidated at all
(06:33):
by you. Well you should be because we're world class
bullet and we don't even have to use a big
fancy it looks like a beach ball that it's all.
Take that back. It's smaller than the beach. If we
have four time winners, chimps, despair, that's four time winner.
Just turn them in here and we're taking you guys down.
Can I just get one more second with Stevie? Uh,
(06:53):
I just realized, how are we gonna get your ball back?
It's not going to fit in the return. Oh that's
a good point, right, you think you're gonna go down
there and fetch the ball each time after you throw. Sure,
if you think that that's important for me, Well, it's
important to get the ball back. Absolutely. I didn't think
about this, so we didn't think about that. Looks like
(07:14):
you're gonna lose this sole big high stakes tournament. Then hunt, Hey, clamp,
I can do that. I can run the ball the ball,
you'll run the ball back, and I'll run the Ball's
going to run the ball. I need to get more
cardio anyway. I know what You've always spent a very
supportive member of the team. I've always been a good
friend to you, and I'd love to take it to
the next level. Okay, wait a second out. I think
(07:35):
that's fair. If you run the ball, you get it
up close and person in the lanes. You can see
which way that they're rowing, how they're oils competitive. It's
not a competitive listen. I'll tell you this, I'll run
the ball. I'll take myself out of the game. Somebody
else can have my turn. Wait, what anything for this
guy about this? I'll take two turns with my big
balls and no balls. No turns. You guys have complaints,
(07:59):
tiny ball team. I think it's the standard ball team. Yeah,
we all wait, we look, we all have standard balls.
Where the pinheads and we have standard balls. It's pretty standard,
that's what it says. Yeah, with the pinheads and we
have standard balls. That's sort of thhallic. The way it's
all arranged on the back. I didn't do the expensive
to you know, it's per word on the embroidery there,
(08:19):
so you know it got pricey. But it's quality and
it shows exactly this is quality. You know, it's not
quality Your biggest beach ball that you're gonna play. This
big is a beach ball. Take that back. Okay, it's
big as a promotional beach ball. Sure, okay, it's a
promotional beach ball. Truth told. The circumference is like one
inch bigger? Am I right? It's not that big of
a deal. It's not that big. I think this is
(08:41):
some sort of intimidation tactic. But the pin heads personally,
I don't appreciate it. I don't either. You know, we're
not we're gonna intimidate you. Why don't we let the
bowling do the talking, right, like the way you said,
I want to say it too. Why don't we let
the bowling do the talk. That feels good, right, yeah,
but it wasn't as good as yours. But it just
(09:02):
doesn't feel fair to me. Doesn't feel fair. Come down
here with Jones boulder to knock over all the pins
and we got to use Hey, you know what, you
know what, you know what, the pens are gonna do what,
We're gonna let the bowling do the talking. He already
did that. I just want to see if good it
feels pretty good. You know what, maybe if we let
(09:23):
the bowling do the talking like he had a question,
Well you think it sounds good again? I got a
little sidebar for Stevie if you guys don't mind. Stevie,
I understand that about the bigger ball. I think it's exciting.
I think you could change the face of the game.
I really do. But I don't think it was necessary
to also wear bigger shoes. But I don't know that
the clown shoes are going to help you throw a
(09:43):
roll the ball. Listen, I'm trying to get in the
hand about the tiny balls. And you know what they
say about people with big shoes, right, and thinking, I
get the biggest ball and then the shoes, and that's
not what they say. Who you sho that's not what
they say about people with big shoes. It's not it's
certainly not a ball thing, not a ball thing. The
ball thing stands and its own and they're looking at
their little tiny balls, and they're like, can I just
(10:06):
ask that we use regular shoes with the bigger ball first,
just to see how the bigger ball goes, right, and
then next week maybe we work, or next month or
next year, we work in the biggest shoes. Okay, Hey,
you guys, do you think that they're saying that we
have tiny balls over there right now? They've been saying
it to our faces. Why wouldn't they say it? And
because it's standard, right, I mean, they're not tiny the
standards right, normal set. I'm just getting a little nervous
(10:27):
that maybe we're not representing ourselves properly just because our
balls are regular size. Well, maybe we need bigger balls
in order to compete with bigger balls. Hey, we have
big metaphorical balls. Okay, all right, you're right. I'm sorry
that I was doubting us for a second area, we
should have bigger shoes. Well, now you're doubting our feet size. Okay, Well,
I'm just saying, give me your shoes. Well, here, take
(10:49):
our shoes, trade all our shoes, and we'll go get
some bigger shoes. You know, this is exactly what they want.
This is exactly what they want. They're in our heads.
Excuse me, I would like some bigger shoes. Please, three
pass um, Let's go for the larger largest. Let's go
a lot of psychic sixteen sixteen yeah, three huge sixteen.
(11:13):
You have beautiful eyes than Sorry, it just cont distracted.
But like those t te go out in front. Hey,
I got him redone recently, and look really glory. I'm
going to break Okay, okay, no, I'm fine, I'm fine here.
So you've been working here a long time. Huh. I've
never really seen you around here, but you seem to
know your way around back there. Yeah, here's some big
(11:33):
shoes and then uh, here's some really big shoes. Wow
you're yeah, you're just wow. Gloria, I feel like too, Yeah, yeah, yeah, Gloria. Mike, Mike, Yeah, Mike, Mike,
Jesus Christ Mike, or these sixteens. Yeah, you said to
get bigger shoes, and sixteen is alright, it's the biggest
they had and you know she couldn't find him at first.
(11:56):
She had to go into the basement and get him.
This is tough for me. I'm a seven and a
half normally. Yeah, like I can. I don't even lace
these to put them on. They're gonna I'm gonna fall
out of these. But now that we got these big shoes,
just wait, these guys are gonna be so freaking scared.
It's great to eat that. At the basement, I'm looking
for the pig shoes. Oh you want the six scenes yeah, yeah, yeah,
the biggest ones we've got. I got about four. Yeah,
(12:19):
I'll take I'll take four. What's it like up there? Huh?
Don't you can wait for I'm so. Here's the water
bottle in the corner. It's me. I just I'll bring later.
So I can't bring me some sunlight too, I can't
bring some of my absolutely not. You're you're here for
(12:42):
a reason. You've all done something horrible. These are great,
thank you. I'm gonna take these up. I'll bring some down.
Just shut up, excuse me. Glory and waiting. I've got
to turn these shoes and I need something smaller. Oh
and no one said the basement. What I didn't hear that.
(13:05):
I didn't hear you. Oh, I said I needed a
smaller pair of shoes. I got too big a peer,
too big of a pair, I guess, little shoes. What
size do you want? Just a regular old size six? What? Nothing?
What's roar? I didn't you said gross? I didn't say that.
(13:27):
Here you go all the coming back over with normal shoes.
Now that's the thing. Well, no, that's good because now
we're still different, but we're big. We're bigger. He fell
out of his shoes on that violation. I just scored
a zero. I got some hot dog bun I can
stick in the toes. Alright, this, I hope this works.
(13:50):
Did you get hot dog buns for everybody? You put
the hot dog buns and your hey dogs? These are carbs.
It's hard to be it's tough to be around so
many cobs. Yeah, yeah, foot carbs. And you know what,
we're gonna beat you guys? What? What the hell was
your team name? Again? I can't even read the backs
of your jersey. They got so much mustard on him.
(14:10):
Kills somebody got a problem with that. Yeah, I mean,
I mean it's not a bowling punt at all. No,
it's not. There were bowling, but this is what we
do to our opponents, kill them. See what the bowling
says about that? Nice, let's see what the bowling says
about that. Maybe their own spin on it. But thank
(14:34):
you guys for congratulating me. At the end. We landed it.
It was fine, it was and she took a spin,
which is a bowling turn. Man, my hot dogs are
getting sweaty. Hey, Mike, can you grab some more hot
dog this Stevie, you're up and a strike, buddy, strike
with that big ball. I'm going to run alongside the ball. Okay,
here we go. It's just right. Thank you, thank you.
(15:06):
It's a strike it. Throw a beach ball at it.
It's not the promotional beach ballal beach ball. You're up, Dangleberry.
It's not Dangleberry Dingleberry. Thank you, Dangleberry. Officer Martin Dingleberry.
All right, Hey, I'm not a cop while we're here,
that's right, that's right, all right, and release got a ball.
(15:37):
I will arrest and kill all of you this time.
I'm gonna call it all right. I hope you pick
up that spare. Come on, clean it up, man, you
can do this some squishing out of your shoes, hot talk,
buns of getting sweaty. Hey, just ease into a man,
Just relax, thanks, Mike, got a ball? Throw it yet yet?
(16:02):
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's some psychological warfare right there.
All right, take your time. Sorry, step one, step step released?
Oh four pins? Nice? You know that's not normally bad bowler. Okay, well,
(16:29):
now I guess now I'm going to be taking the
turn for so I get the day right there. We
were kidding before and we said that Steve, you can't
take two turns. Who's we can take my turn? I'd
like to Who's gonna do whatever Steve wants? Uh? And
I hope that he sees me as a romantic prospect
at the end of the day. Okay, an interesting development? Yeah? Absolutely? Uh,
(16:51):
miss Steve, you want to way and you're gonna leave
her danglin. Well, the thing is that I'm married, but
it's honestly, it's not working. Honestly, my favorite thing to
do is go bowling, and my wife never obstable. I
also am Okay, we've compromise. I'm not bowling today for you.
You know what, She's not bowling today. But it's not
a compromise. It's she put her foot down. I'm sorry, guys,
(17:11):
emil seeing this looks like a little basement person crawling
through the ball return that. Whoa, who is this guy?
But man, there's some place up You've never been up
here before? No right going. Wow, it's like a such
a stand. I want to be. I gotta be. Yeah,
(17:33):
we can go grab your His skin is flaking off
like a full logger. God, I don't want to food. Also,
just in the basement. What are you doing in the basement. Well,
I worked on the shoes. Yes, we gotta make real
we gotta make bowling ouse. Yeah, they didn't have anything
(17:58):
really full body, but I got you a craftsman. Thanks.
I don't know if you should drink. He's been on
the ground. God, he's drinking it. You could see it
go right through him. Real disgusting me. Anyway, I got
to get back to it. Well, he's going back down
the ball. Believe it just came up for that one time.
(18:21):
First time was right back down, no problem. You know,
sort of like when a guy gets out of jail
after being there for a long time. If you go
back to jans to go back, here's no wife outside
What was it like up there? It was freaky. Was
the size of like seventeen of these rooms? What kind
of people in uniforms and outfits and stuff? It was
(18:43):
none of them a big she was not a single
one of them. And there be that was flowing. Yeah,
I've been dreaming about about it. I want to want,
I want to be. I want to be. This is
what I was gonna be here. You're allowed to go
up top. I'm sorry, my lord, I get carried to me.
(19:06):
You sure did. But I feel like I have to
make an example of you or the rest of the
Bowling Ells will run him of him. I'll I'll take
my shoes off. You do your worst, all right, tell
you what. I'll give you one chance to get out
of this. Pick up the seven ten split with only
(19:29):
your mind not bad? Ah this again, Oh you will
be flayed. Here we go be released? All right? How
did that even happen? Nobody was even't even gone. Team
(19:49):
that's teams just fell down. That doesn't make any sense.
Not in this with cheating. Somebody's helping your cheating. You
know what I'm gonna say, talk to the bowling about it.
And that's the way we finished the scene on the
(20:09):
seventh version of Let the Bowling. Oh man, it's July
when we're recording this to Our second scene is going
to take us to one of the great happenings in
the month of July in the southern California area, which is,
of course, Comic Con. Let's head down to the main
(20:30):
floor and meet several excited patrons at the ninth two
thousand nineteen Comic Con. Are you going to get all
of those things signed? Because this line is really long,
and if you get all of those signed, then then
we're not all going to get our time. Well, look,
it's not every day you have a chance to meet
the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld. I'm getting this signed. I
(20:53):
have all these Kansas, got like a whole wheelbarrow soup. Yeah,
every flavor. I'm covering my bases. We're gonna be in
this line forever, Honey. I thought we're gonna make Thor.
We're not going to meet Thor. I thought we were
going to meet Thor too, but we got to get
through the Soup Nazi line first. Why do you have
to get through the Soup Natz in line to meet Thor?
Because I'm just here for the soup Nazi. But I
(21:14):
wonder why, why is this a pre requisite for priorities?
And first we want to meet Thor. Oh, it's a
personal thing. It's not a challenge, no, no, no, we
just I want to meet Thor. One of us wanted
to meet Thor, and one of us wanted to meet
the Soupnazi, so we agreed to do both. Yeah, we
are you here to see the Soupnazi. That's it though.
(21:35):
The whole comic guns. We're all in line for the soup.
Not I understand that you gotta have anything planned. He
says that funny thing, no soup for you, right, that's
the guy and the guy. That's the guy you're all
big fans of. Oh, it's so funny the way he
says that. And the actor's name, he's just a soup?
Is that an actor? I thought, Oh jeez, I thought
(21:55):
that they just it was kind of like, you know,
you guys take this real serious, like I don't know,
I mean, check it out, guys. He's signed my reduced
sodium Italian Wedding super progress. Thank god, finally we can
get to the front. Good luck, guys. He's a he's
a real gem of a person. I'm gonna go get
a line for hall h forever. Where's he going? He's walking, super?
(22:17):
Where's the super going? Step back? Who's next? Oh, he's back,
he's on a standing on a drum. I'm next. All right?
What's your name? My name is Jeeke. No it isn't
take this we like on the show. No, I'd like
you to sign this package of Ramen noodles. Get out
of line, but I had to go to the back
of the line. I don't like your face. Okay, who's next?
(22:43):
My my husband and I are. We were huge fans.
We were okay, I heard that. Will I hope we're
doing this right? Will you sign? Will you sign this
this this box of of super from Trader Joe's for us? Well,
of course I will. That be a lesson to the
rest of your line there? What does it mean from
(23:04):
Trade to Joe's? All right? And what is your name?
My name thor interesting? Yeah, that's why my husband wanted
to go see. He calls it the Real four but
it's kind of embarrassing, so I get it. So you
both didn't want to be here for this little lady.
Why is the souper nazis lying? So long no one
(23:26):
wants to meet Thor. I'm here on my shop because
no one wants to meet me. I'm really sorry, sir.
We'll try to dump up some business for you. Do
you do? Take your shirt off? Take your shirt off? Also,
you're kind of a little too friendly. People like to
be treated poorly. It's true, like exactly. Yeah, and so
maybe you could be a little meaner. Okay, I could
(23:48):
try that. Let me just pulled my top off first. No,
that's not the real Thor. He's the God of Thunder.
You want the Marvel Thor. Let's go. Okay, okay, still nobody,
no takers. Huh could you be a little meaner a
little like more like impressive or impressive? My god? Oh
(24:10):
my god, oh my god? Are you? Are you? Thora?
I am from the Marvel movies? Are like the real
god of the real God of Thunder? Never mind? Alright,
fuck you, piece of ship. Oh that was good? Nego alright, good,
good good. I've getting the heck of this here. Why
don't we practice? Um, will you sign this for me? No,
you dumb idiot? Great? Good job. Now I really want it. Okay, great,
(24:35):
now I will sign it for the fee of thirty
American dollars or fourteen golden fleeces. Okay, great job, that
was really good, really nice. Thor Asgard is in danger.
You knew I had this thing this weekend? Funk. I'm
so sorry. I totally forget you know what? Very impressive.
(24:58):
No no, no, noise us to appear and out of
no I'm oh my god, it's looky. Can I get
you war with? I knew it because of the head
the head look, yeah, yeah, lucky Loky, don't get you look,
I'm sure sure. Here you go kidding, sir? Do you
want to spend the day at the con? I've got
(25:18):
things to do. Heat on you. We have not seen
heat like this since the Soup Nazi. It's so true.
Why don't you just move for a second? Fine, Loky,
have a day, have a con. What is it I'm
supposed to do here? There are there are hordes marching
on Ascard as we speak. Well, basically, when anybody comes
(25:40):
up and asked for your autograph, you charge them a
lot of money for it, like American Earth money exactly,
And Danielle and I get sorry, it's because of the
company we work for. It's not us. I mean these
hordes really are like bearing down on Ascar as we
and like in between customers we do coke. Oh, give
(26:02):
you some advice, brother, What is it When the picture
is dark, use the silver sharpie. When the picture is light,
use the black. Get out of your trust me. He
wanted to do it this way. Loki store wasn't very
good at this. But you don't have to listen that
no one was in his line. Are you going back
to ASCAR to take care of these problems? I really
(26:24):
wanted to walk the convention floor. You could walk the
convention floor. Go for it, and then I'll then I'll
go to go to Ascard and save our people. Okay, cool,
you meet this guy named Nate on the convention floor.
We need a few grams for this afternoon. Okay. He's
going to ask you to do some disgusting stuff and
let me just say it's worth all right. Look, I'll
(26:45):
pick that up after I visit the Funko pop stand. Alright, okay,
step right up for the line to have an autograph
from drugcula. Who would like to an autograph from Dracula?
I am indeed you beat my daughter, right my guy? Oh?
(27:07):
I remember? Yeah, you will live forever more while you
will die early from lung disease. Why would you say something?
What can happen to me? You'll live forever. It's Judith forever.
It's Judith, isn't it? It's Judy? But remember now, Judith? Yeah,
(27:37):
tell me again? What the seven things are you wish
most from this world? I want a pony. I want
a hot term. I want to be above a pool
with a waterfather goes into the pool six toes on
one ft? Any other? I want honey? I got I
(28:00):
gotta step outside really quick. Okay, just stay here up, Okay, sir,
I'm sorry. Would you like a drinking drink of water?
I want Lacroix? Are you sure? Because I think you're choking?
I am, but I need Lacroix. Here, here's the lacroix.
I thank you, better God, thank you for a moment
(28:21):
thought I had early. I'm sorry I couldn't help. But oversee,
I'm you know who I am? Are you? No? I
don't know? My name is Blanche Twaba. Oh my god,
the Lacroix Twaba. Yes, what I just saw would be
(28:41):
perfect for a commercial? May I please? Oh my god?
It was so said no to water. No you just
wanted Lacroix, had a sip up the Lacroix. I wish
other people had seen this. This was amazing. Yeah, that's
an outside food and beverage. We don't take kindly to that.
At the mention, Hall, I didn't this here. I didn't
(29:02):
bring this. You don't want to mess with me, sir.
I'm a multimillionaire. You don't want to mess with me either.
I'm in charge of this next stand here where we
charge seventeen dollars for a four piece pizza. Pizza, that's terrible.
You should be ashamed of yourself. Are you guys just
gonna stand in front of Dracula's table Because I've been
waiting for an autograph for a while. Let the young
man through. Hi? Are you the real Dracula? I am? Indeed,
(29:26):
that's Judith, one of my own. Would you too like
to live forever? Sure? What I gotta do? Just offer
your neck to me? Or can I do that yet? Oh? Judith?
Are you ready? She Judith doesn't have fangs, though, she's
just gonna g norwish she doesn't have fangs until she
gets a whiff of that human neck of you. Okay,
(29:49):
I'm gonna I'm gonna trust that fangs are gonna appear. No,
there's no there's a little shop, a little she's just
on just knowing on my sud. What are you doing
to that man? I was trying to get through the skin.
(30:10):
You are acting like a monster, disgusting Judy, My bad,
I've confused your daughter with a completely different little girl
named Judy you have? How is that possibletely? Otherwise she
could have easily bitten into that human. All right, excuse me?
(30:33):
Can I have some time with Dracula? Let the young
lad through? Right? What is your name? It's Phil? Phil?
What may I do for you? Determinally? Ill? So right?
You can give me? And also what her monster parties
really like? Oh they're the grand is, you should say,
(30:56):
Frankenstein cut a rug. I wish I could be alive
to see it. Well you will, Judith, give it another growth.
You need something to drink? Do you need something to drink? Yeah?
I have a lacry here. Oh there's no sugar in that, right,
I don't think so? None? No, absolutely not. There's just
(31:18):
the essence of real fruit flavors. You know who I am.
You'll notice it's not the taste of real fruit flavors,
but rather the essence. That's it, that's it. I think
I see. All right, you've been bitten and now you
(31:42):
will live forever. I hope I'm a stronger version of
me when this is also Now, if you wouldn't mind,
Dracula is going to take a smoke break. Okay, sure,
all right, you look after the line for me. Please
don't let anyone go. Really, just need to feed the
dragon if you know what, I'm sure, no problem. And
(32:04):
it's called a frog feeds the frog when it feeds
the dragon. Um okay, look uh you seem like a
smart little girl. I'm a smart, a little vampire bitch. Okay, um,
well maybe you should like help us out, like help
us drum up some business here for Loki for yeah,
(32:24):
what do you think? Ok? I really need to get
back to Ascard. Okay, well this is our guy. What
do we get to sell? Basically just like a handsomeness
it's good looking. Well I'm seven, so I don't even
think about a Mrs so ageless congratulations. Where did you
guys even get these eight by tens of me so fast? Well?
(32:48):
You know, we know, we know our stuff. We have
had nothing to do with the photo. We have files
and files and files in the basement of all of
these eight by tens, right, all the cash members of
Men Game on. I need you on stage in four minutes.
Robert Downey Jr. My god, what are you doing here
to come? No? No, I understand, But it's just that
(33:08):
you know, you died and the thing and that, and
we don't really it was kind of weird. I mean,
I'm still part of the family. Guy kind of started
the franchise. If you want me to go, I'll go,
but I'm not. You know, you were so great as
an origin and we kicked off the whole Marvel universe
and now it's just the car has left the station. There.
If you don't know what I'm saying, right, fine, well
you know what, I'll tell you what come on stage
(33:29):
at the very end when they all take about and
be a big surprise for all the kids. Right. But
I don't get to do that to keep you away
from the Q and A for now, right, because it
seems like the question is gonna be the same, the same,
the same. Are you're really gone? You're really gone? Kind
of thing? Yeah, which which I could answer if you
really wanted me to answer them. Okay, let's let's let's
go ahead and practice that. Now. Are you really gone? Okay?
(33:49):
See what I mean. It's a very quick sort of thing.
So if you just come out of the end and
take a bow, it blows everybody's mind. Oh my god,
there he was right. Let me see the bout one
more time. Whoa, it's as I was trying to keep quiet,
but I couldn't hold back. That bow was amazing. Let's
try it again, Clara's do you have a question for
(34:10):
Robert down and let's see how it goes this time?
What question for me? Are you? What was it? Are
you back in the show? Are you back in the show? No,
I'm not back in the show. Have you watched Endgame? Yes?
Because an end game? If you will see, you will
notice that at the end of Endgame there was a funeral.
Don't worry, it's not a spoiler. It's five weeks longer
(34:32):
than you think. It was a go okay, good, good, good. Hello.
It is I Chris Hemsworth, not the actual Thor Ready
for this panel? I bring you candy for the nose
that I secured from Nate. I don't know you've got
a storm cloud above your head. It's it's called a career.
(34:55):
What's your name? I'm just a big fan of Thor.
I'm Chris his manager, Timmy Thompson, Well, Timmy Thompson. I
believe this is the real store and not Chris Hemsworth.
I'm sorry. I recognized Chris Emsworth and there was a
storm above this man's head. Really, you do not see it.
It's called Chris's career. Yes, it is I Chris Emsworth.
(35:16):
Christian not put that cocaine. That's that close to me? Please? Sorry,
thank you? R j D so close? Did you? Did
you have a question for Chris Emsworth? I wanted to
get my Thor Dark World DVD signed, but I don't
want it signed by this true fat would not want
Dark World signed. They would throw it away immediately. I
(35:38):
pretended didn't happen. Okay, but I feel like, what would
you like Chris signed? What's your name? My name is
h Loyola. I'm sorry. I'm his mother. I know he's
too big to bring me along, but I couldn't help it.
His name is Loyola. How sweet? But Mom, this isn't
actually this is this is not Christmas decided, honey, that's funny.
(36:01):
Lick your face careful. That's embarrassing. But you can see
that that's Thor, the god of thunder. I don't know
anything about what you like or what you don't like.
I'm just trying to make you happy. Fine, if you
can sign it all right? Sound rude, Loyola merry a mountain.
Let's he's a god. He knows my last name? Oh
(36:26):
love Chris. I'm from Australia. Is that you spells Chris
with a k r y. That's not that's the incorrect spelling.
See tim Timmy tamp What was your name, agent man,
Tommy Timpson. He spelled the name Chris wrong. My son's
(36:46):
a big fan, huge fan. I've seen all the Dark
World movies and I'm a big fan of my son.
I'm such a lucky mother. Who are you hoping to
me today? Oh? I just wanted a little time with Loyola.
He's been so busy lately. Oh, maybe you can at
them the hell away from the table. Come here, let
me punch, Uh lady, I'm just trying to say you
and you can spend some time to get to get
(37:07):
the hell away from so. Sorry, but like that was
really impressive. It didn't mean interrupt, But can I get
your autograph? Oh? Sure, Oh my gosh, I'll give you
twenty bucks. Okay, thank you A punch lady, Can I
get your autograph? Sure? Oh my god, here you go. Hey,
Tim Thomason, a manager. I'm just when you're done. Punch
(37:29):
it lady. You're so impressive with you. Maybe you want
some management. I could really get better, better, Hall of
better table. This is god too far. I'm to open
the game. I'm sending them to Asgar. That's scene too
for today. Scene three is quite the surprise to everyone's
(37:53):
the optimist directly to a training facility at the largest
toilet paper corporate. Oh that was a good one's the end. Yeah,
that's a nice little piece there. Now, as uh many
of you know today, the president of the corporation has
come to speak to you, the trainees, to try to
(38:14):
fire things up a little bit. We're we're getting fired.
I can't be fired fired three times this year already.
To lift your spirits, I misspoke. Fire Gareth Sharman never
comes down here. I understand. That's why it's a huge,
big deal. And how great that you do know his
first name? A lot of people. Just call him Mr Sharman,
(38:35):
which is what I would appreciate when he shows up.
Of course I will. I will not make that mistake.
Will not call Garethons. Okay, everybody, Mr Sharman's about to
come down, So if everybody could just you know, you know,
have some day corn about them. We allowed to look
him in the eye. No, no one is allowed to
look him in the eye, right, No one is allowed
to look at the floor. Keep your eyes on his
neck and keep your hands behind your back. And what
(38:58):
if I'm a little tall, and then when I really
looking in his eyes. No, you're gonna be fine. You're
gonna be fine. Don't overthink this. Also, don't breathe in
a weird way. Uh. And uh, you know, just have
fun with him. What's the best way to pose a question? Uh?
You know, he'll let you know what the best way is.
And it's mostly a vibe thing. You're gonna have to
feel it out with Mr Sherman. But I don't overstep
(39:20):
your bounds because if so, he will you know, he
will act out violently. So I would just say keep
it soft. That's what we'd like to say. Sherman probably
go without say but we're not. We're not supposed to
squeeze him right. No, No, that's just for the roles.
But he might like a joke about that, or it
could make him very Can I smell his neck? No, ma'am? Okay, um,
thanks for asking. Is it true he's got three pink
(39:42):
bears his bodyguards? Okay, I'm not going to even acknowledge that.
What would he like first birthday? What would sweet? That's
a sweet question. Probably looks like there's not a lot
of work going on you boy, every body, thank you,
snuggles and coggles. So, yes, that's right. Just two pink bears,
(40:07):
not three. Yeah, one of them got itself fired. You
don't want to get fired by Garreth Sarlat. That's the
last person you want to get fired by. Yeah, boys,
fuck up these interns. Let's do this. Stop your applause? Hey,
you are you looking in his eyes? Right now? What's
(40:27):
that on his neck? There's nothing on my That's a
shirt color. It's a shirt color, shirt color. Sir? Excuse me?
You step forward? Son? Are you training or are you
a full fledge employee? Overall fledging? But we have to
go through training once a month. Okay, Well, then here's
a training question for you. Anything. What are the grooves
(40:51):
on the paper? Four? Oh? I know this one? Okay?
Can I help him a little? I know this one? Okay,
only with one word clues? Oh, I know this all okay,
here's I swear and I don't want anything to happen
to you. Okay, ready, here's my clue one? All right?
(41:12):
Can I impression? I got it? I got it, got it.
I'm looking at your next, sir, and my answer is
to catch the fecal matter. That's exactly right. The grooves
collect the fecal matter in between. Good job kid, nice woof? Hi,
don't celebrate yourself. Oh you're not allowed to have five
(41:35):
in this all right, we're gonna we're gonna toss you
out the window, but we'll hold your ankles lit window.
Let's just shake him, but think about it all. Anybody
else need a dangle? And my butth hole says, when
it looks inside itself to see if there's any more turns,
(41:57):
and there's nothing because you're using Sharman right, that's right, alright,
So show me the winding station for where we wind
up all the toilet paper on the roll. Where is it? Ye?
Show him the winding station. Where is It's right over here, sir. Okay,
and let's see one of the interns use it. Okay,
(42:17):
you got this. I've been training on this for a
long time, so I'm very good at winding. So here
we go. We got this. Roll on the thing here
clicking into place? Can I roll and I roll? Roll,
roll and rolled? Its sparking, its sparking rolling. You could
(42:46):
stop it? Do you quit that? What you did? The
boss just made a mess of his pants because of you.
This is awful. There's not enough grooves on any of
our rules to clean this. All right, we gotta hang
you from the fan. Just from the first down. I
turned you into a skid mark. Turn on the fan. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.
(43:06):
All right. So now somebody fetched me a new pair
of pants. Here you go. Mr Sherman, thank you anytime.
Please please bears create a wall around me so I
can change myself soiled garments. No judgment, thank you, thank you,
no judgment you said, no judgment. I didn't mean what
(43:27):
I said. Okay, and goodest new these khakis are pressed
than Mr Sharman. Yeah, just thank you. Welcome aboard uh
the my co pilot, and I wanted to say a
very special thank you for the many, many years that
of comfort and joy you've brought to our families. I
hope you had a chance to take a look at
the menu for today's fine did Did you have any questions?
(43:49):
Are concerned? It seems self explanatory. There salmon, and there
is tuna, and is there something special out here that
should be surprised? You're gonna take a little chance today
and serve some bay. Excuse me, now, I personally am
not that offended, but I've got a couple of I've
got a couple of security guards with me today. I
(44:11):
don't feel great about eating bears. I mean, I will
eat the salmon nos delicious, right, So we brought the
salmon for the security and for you. We were told,
we were tipped off that you'd like some grilled bear.
Were you making a food change? You eat grilled First
of all? I should I like to indulge in bearra
But I would never eat bear in front of my
two favorite securities. Not about what you do in front
(44:34):
of us. It's about who you are at your course.
Don't you have men? Of course? I have ethics, of course?
Who else would create strong and soft toilet paper. But
an ethical man like youn't see we're creating soft and
strong toilet paper. Has to do with you eating bears
when we're not around. You know what, We got another job.
We gotta we gotta. Let's round this plane because we
(44:55):
gotta get out here. Yeah, we don't leave. Don't leave. No,
the the cord stop for the plane. We're on an
active tarmac, so we're about to take off eleven minutes before. Well,
can you let us out? We would like to get out.
We have a comic CONDI sharman. If I may make
a suggestion, please let's lose the bear. Please, not the bears.
(45:17):
I'll just not eat bear today. Just bring bring three
orders of salmon and that will be fine. No grilled bear,
No grilled bear. Wink wink, no grilled We're gonna bring
him more bear. Please don't say the wink wink. Part
of that's the silent but deadly I see. So look
at my eye and no grilled whale still saw that. Yeah, yeah,
(45:42):
here comes from say it's uh honored heavy on board.
Uh co pilot has been taking good care of you.
There h the grill bear toy like can we can
you realize you have your choice of airlines? And so
we grilled the real nice Why do they keeps saying
gal bear like, I don't know, it's the thing, It's
(46:03):
like it's now, It's like they're just trying to insult us,
like they're trying to make us really angry or something.
We should have taken that comic con gig. I'm telling you.
Let me just say this shot I think you're flying
is fantastic, and that's why I continue to use your flights.
But the way you talk about bears being eaten and
grin just upsetting my security guards because we're bears. Because
(46:24):
I have you ever had two raging angry bears inside
of your pilot? We get raging angry. I don't like
to use you they don't like to use that word.
But how about pilot deck? Does it sound good? Did
you lose the term cockpit flying? The flying? We one
time we did have a couple of real angry bears
(46:46):
in here. Isn't that right? Damon? It is? You're not wrong,
And I'll tell you what happened. They were both shot
in the forehead. It sounds like like like later in
their lives yes, okay, okay, no, we don't allow firearms
on the okay, good, So as long as we stay
in this plane was safe other than the one our
pilot has and the one the Air Marshal has. Air Marshall,
(47:08):
where did you come from? Crouching? And are you the
Air Marshal, the honorary Air Marshal? Yeah, y'all need any
bear to be grilled? I can suit these guys in
the hid you understand these besha with me? I'm Mr Sharman.
But you also ordered the bear on your meal car.
Didn't the saw the meal cards when I was down
(47:31):
there checked bear check? I don't check slam. How could
you do that? Honestly? I was rode in beside it
still bloody? You wrote, still bloody? But not even Are
you gonna eat grilled bear? You're gonna eat grilled rare bear.
Sorry forgive me for pointing fingers away from Moster Sharman
(47:54):
who chartered our plane, And again we thank you for
your business. Could you two have been more obvious the
bears about choosing salmon and checking that box? Is there
anything outside the salmon world that we could bring you
to to make We're not choices a salmon, you could
take slam in our back. Like if someone said to you,
(48:15):
do you want to eat Reese's peanut butter cups or
a bag of fingers? Which would you do? Right? I
would be interested in the finger bag. But are you
sure you're an air marshal? Which bear my addressing? I'm sorry,
I'm snuggles. That's guggles. Snuggles, which is an exercise? Have
you heard the term don't knock it until you try it?
(48:36):
M Are you gonna try to make me eat bad? Better?
Not eat? Forgive you buggles. Don't you worry. I'll tell
you what. Let's do a blind taste taste test. It's
gonna taste like salmon. It's gonna taste like bad. You
don't know so much like slamon. You're percompletely, you know
what I do know. I know what human tastes like. Yeah,
(49:00):
I was grilled human. I'll the head. I'll shoot you
in the head. Oh, you don't never go I'm sorry.
Did the bear just say I'll shoot you in the head.
That's said, I will shoot you in the head. I'll
shoot you in the head. Cuggles. So it sounds like
you had a really rough flight. In Mr Sherman. Yeah, sure,
Luckily the Bears are still helping and yeah, everything's okay,
(49:24):
and I'm glad to be at the factory and everyone
here has impressed me so much. Well, unfortunately we only
have Bear today in the commissary. Unbelievable, this is unacceptable.
You could eat sides mostly side. You you knew that
we would have mascot's even of this company. You knew that,
(49:45):
you know requested Bear class. I'm at the pastry. I
want the pastry, you said, from from a peastry. You're
on our last and the boss you know that? Please gosh,
I you don't understand. I'm I'm just a guy that
loves the flavor of Bear. Anybody want to squeeze a
(50:07):
roll to get their tensions out? Yeah, all right, give
it a squeeze. You crushed that. That's very good. A
little bit too. Hey, you know what, though, you got
that roll of toilet paperwere you do? Yeah? Okay, let's
see who's gonna be with Mr. Sherman's snuggles and guggles. Yeah,
(50:28):
you two are gonna look after Mr. Sherman's trip. Y, Okay,
there's a couple of things you need to know about
this particular trip. What is it? Boss? Well, on the
plane and when you arrive it looks like they want
to serve grilled bear. So I need to know that
you two are okay with that. That can't That can't
be right. That's got to be a typo, That's okay.
(50:48):
I need to forget this information so that when it's
brought up in the moment, I won't remember that this
information was given to us. Yeah, yeah, White, this clear
from my mind. That's the reason we're having this conversation.
As when it's brought up, I need you too, to
both act professionally and pretend you've never had this discussion
and you're outraged by the notion. I mean, I will
(51:09):
definitely be outraged by the notion. You need to act
in order to quell your concerns. We'd like you to
try from grilled beck. For God's sakes, I'm telling you
we should have gone to Cacula. Is that comic con?
The real Dracula pays really well, man, I know I
heard the real thought was there? That can't be right?
(51:30):
Who ordered the bear? God? Damn it? Why why do
we turn bears into cannibals? No one will ever know,
but my heart sings today and tomorrow. Is that what
you anticipated when you got that suggestion? Let me look no,
that suggestion from Kevin p from Los Angeles, from from Hollywood, California. Yes,
(52:01):
and thank you for writing in mes A Lover sixty nine.
Let's thank all of our alchemists today. Cal Stratton, thank
you so much for being at the table the same
time as me working on Folks find you and the
things you do? Yeah, pretty pretty pony, first Thursday of
every month at west Side Comedy in Santa Monica. Lots
of fun and um on social at Stratton Cool or
at col Stratton, depending on which one you'll find me.
(52:23):
Fantastical Vanessa l Money. You can look at dynasy typewriter
dot com forever and I'm Vanessa Hope on Instagram. I
don't tweet anymore. Good for you. Yeah, I kept the
name deleted the history. I don't know what I've thought,
but I'm sure I don't want to know if any
(52:44):
of you do receive any sort of missive from my
from what looks to be my Instagram account. By the way,
someone has put a under case underscore rather before Kevin
Pollock went to three and they're sending messages to people
that I follow, So just a little heads up, thank
you for minding sorry about that. Not not great taking
(53:10):
some of my photos, putting in his own stream. Yeah,
just terrific. That means you've made it though. Yeah, I guess. Yeah,
there's a fake Kevin then that's yeah, mark a for
us when you go back to work on the Blood
and the Treasure, Blood and Treasure we start back up
end of September for our our first Asia season and
(53:30):
you go to Croatia to shoot that Asia. Yes, um
no with the Dynasty, Dynasty typewriter, the final Friday or
find a Wednesday of every month with the work use
improv and um yeah, everybody keep watching Blood and Treasure
Tuesday's tenn CBS. Yeah, James Zeny just go straight to
the real Jeames. He need to come. And then on
(53:51):
the second and fourth Wednesdays of every month Bear Supply
nine pm at the West Side Comedy Theater you can
catch famous improvisers like Joey Reer, love to have you
and thank you for keeping here. Hi, Orange Texedo Improv
dot com. H Craig and I do too person show
called Range Texedo and at Carla Kaikowski on Twitter. Uh
(54:12):
and Greig, we missed you today. Joey, we missed you too.
I went the other way. Engineer of the Stars Richard
Doug bab. We also want to thank the great sound
design of Rafaelbo and producer Sophie Lichtman and our Heart Media.
(54:34):
Thank you all very much, and remember this was a
special episode without your suggestions, so please continue to send them.
I really do love going through and curating the scene
suggestions from the website that you are kind enough to
write into us, and continue to do so at your
name here at alchemy this dot com. Right to your
name here at alchemy this dot com and tell everyone
(54:57):
you've ever met, and um, if you wouldn't mind know
you hear this from your favorite podcast, go and write
a review about the show. It really does help. UM.
You know, as they say, keep those numbers up. But
for the overlords, it seems mighty important that they know
you're supporting us as much as I know from reading
your emails, and I thank you from all over the
world those emails. I'm your host, Kevin Pollic. Until next time,
Welcome back another episode of Alchemy. This I'm your host,
Kevin Paul. I guess that, Kevin Poul? What's that? Well, no,
you're right. I uh normally, UH do a great deal
of homework and print out two episodes worth of openings
and an individual funnies that I offer up to each
of our alchemists. And um we did a live show somehow.
(00:23):
I when I went to the computer to print it
out this morning, on the way into the show, I
just had the one it's ken episode of preparation and
I feel horrible, but thank you, thank you for letting
me up. Let's start with Vanessa Raglan. Shall we Venetia,
welcome back? Thanks glad to be bad. Oh my goodness,
we're so happy to have you. Um. What was the
thing you missed most about being here with us? Oh? Um,
(00:48):
I was going to say something about Joey, but I
don't know which angle I'm taking. I'll come back to.
That is the correct, Yeah, it is true. It is
a push pope. Carla Kakowski is the other gal in
the room. Hi, I'm a lady, Yeah, one of them
lady funnies, funny ladies, ladies, funny. I don't know, Carla
(01:10):
where you're from originally Kentucky? That's correct, Thank you? Uh
Covington Street, who knows? All right, that's one, one to two?
Who knows Covington James Heeney, how have you been and
we've missed you? So? Oh my gosh, I've been great. Wow,
thank you for asking? How long do I have to?
(01:31):
Can I go back? Let's see? I guess I'm good. Okay.
Can you just give me your favorite moment from the
last seventeen years? Oh gosh, it was I went to
Catalina Island, that's right, I saw on Instagram, so please,
and a fox tried to outsmart me in what way?
In poker or trying to take my food? We were
(01:53):
worn many times, don't feed the foxes, and it came
up to me with the cutest eyes asking for food.
So wild animal known for their killing abilities, came up
to you for some food and you've been warned, and
your response was to get out my take video footage
of it trying to get into my bag of food,
which it didn't get any Thank god. I don't want
(02:15):
to be the reason foxes become sentient. Okay again, right
to us here. I don't know yeah. Well, I don't
carry it often, but when I do, it's enough to
bring a fox to sentience. Right to us with your
further questions to James had your name here at Alchemy
there's dot com. Mr Mark Agleardi, Hello, how are you good? Sir?
(02:36):
I'm great. Summer plans, uh, summer plans right now are
stay at home, close the blinds, keep cool, never leaves,
sit on the internet while everything else beautiful is happening
all around me. Now, just know those of you are
listening that question was asked on the third of July.
You're now hearing this way after the fact. In fact,
(02:58):
it's the fall. Oh my god? What was I doing
with myself in my apartment the summer? How do those
summer plans worked out for you? You know what? I
feel like I've wasted my time? Well said, And once again,
streams are crossing as col Stratton has joined us while
I'm in the room. Thank you for guests hosting all
(03:19):
these episodes. I'm going back and forth on the third season,
or did go back and forth the summer's over? What
did you do for Labor Day? Kevin said? What I
do for Labor Day? It was great? Yeah? Right, I
had a barbecue friends. Yeah, and can I just say
sidebar ch please? Joey Greg has talked about more than
(03:40):
Jay Gatsby, you know what I mean. It's like every
room he's not in, Yeah, because he love him so much? Man? Man?
Is that a perfect analogy? Alright? A lot with no
further ado. Uh. Normally, I ask you to write your
suggestions to us for scenes to your name here at
me this dot com. That's your aim here at Alchemy
(04:01):
this dot com. And you've done such a great job
and I love going through them and curating them. I
try to write back to as many of you as
possible actually, to thank you for your scene suggestions. Again,
as I mentioned at the top, I'm gonna I'm gonna
follow through with that threat of not being prepared by
offering up my own scene suggestions for today. This is
(04:21):
how we started the show, um way like sixty episodes ago,
and um you folks have been so supportive and so great.
So let's see how I do you wrote into your
own show. Dear Alchemists. I'm writing this from the desk
where we record the show every Wednesday, and I just
(04:43):
wanted to say you're all my favorites and except Joey Greer.
He's not here, but only because he's not here. If
you were here, we'd be having sack. Alright, This is
why you have to print your stuff. Someone's got a
(05:05):
new catch, friend, use all of it. Welcome back to
Pollock's Panic. Tonight's episode, bowlers gather for their weekly high
stakes tournament. Bowlers. Hey, Stevie, you got a new ball.
(05:26):
He ain't got a new ball. This is a big
First of all, it's a little bigger than usual. It's
a little bit bigger than a than a normal baby.
You're going for eighteen pounds now, it's well, honestly, it's
it's lighter than it looks it's lighter than it looks like.
It's big. It's ever so slightly. Just one look at
that big ball. Listen, do you think that what is
(05:50):
bowling ball? You think the rest are gonna notice? Am
I going to be in trouble with Stevie? You know,
for several weeks now you've been talking about how golf
changed its whole thing with the bigger hand on the clubs,
and someone had to introduce that. You said, I'm gonna
bring a bigger ball. I don't think any of us
believed you were going to Actually, that's a huge ball.
Wait a minute, Wait a minute, and wait a minute.
You can have a ball like that. Your team seems
(06:11):
really excited about it, But I tell you it's not
the rest of us over here on the other side
of the aisle from you. That's right, that's not an
illegal ball. That's definitely not illegal. Not illegal ball. You
know you do use that? Yeah, well, apparently this refs
you know something as a captain of the pinheads. Can
I just tell you, right, guys, I told you that
was a terrible not intimidated. We're not intimidated at all
(06:33):
by you. Well you should be because we're world class
bullet and we don't even have to use a big
fancy it looks like a beach ball that it's all.
Take that back. It's smaller than the beach. If we
have four time winners, chimps, despair, that's four time winner.
Just turn them in here and we're taking you guys down.
Can I just get one more second with Stevie? Uh,
(06:53):
I just realized, how are we gonna get your ball back?
It's not going to fit in the return. Oh that's
a good point, right, you think you're gonna go down
there and fetch the ball each time after you throw. Sure,
if you think that that's important for me, Well, it's
important to get the ball back. Absolutely. I didn't think
about this, so we didn't think about that. Looks like
(07:14):
you're gonna lose this sole big high stakes tournament. Then hunt, Hey, clamp,
I can do that. I can run the ball the ball,
you'll run the ball back, and I'll run the Ball's
going to run the ball. I need to get more
cardio anyway. I know what You've always spent a very
supportive member of the team. I've always been a good
friend to you, and I'd love to take it to
the next level. Okay, wait a second out. I think
(07:35):
that's fair. If you run the ball, you get it
up close and person in the lanes. You can see
which way that they're rowing, how they're oils competitive. It's
not a competitive listen. I'll tell you this, I'll run
the ball. I'll take myself out of the game. Somebody
else can have my turn. Wait, what anything for this
guy about this? I'll take two turns with my big
balls and no balls. No turns. You guys have complaints,
(07:59):
tiny ball team. I think it's the standard ball team. Yeah,
we all wait, we look, we all have standard balls.
Where the pinheads and we have standard balls. It's pretty standard,
that's what it says. Yeah, with the pinheads and we
have standard balls. That's sort of thhallic. The way it's
all arranged on the back. I didn't do the expensive
to you know, it's per word on the embroidery there,
(08:19):
so you know it got pricey. But it's quality and
it shows exactly this is quality. You know, it's not
quality Your biggest beach ball that you're gonna play. This
big is a beach ball. Take that back. Okay, it's
big as a promotional beach ball. Sure, okay, it's a
promotional beach ball. Truth told. The circumference is like one
inch bigger? Am I right? It's not that big of
a deal. It's not that big. I think this is
(08:41):
some sort of intimidation tactic. But the pin heads personally,
I don't appreciate it. I don't either. You know, we're
not we're gonna intimidate you. Why don't we let the
bowling do the talking, right, like the way you said,
I want to say it too. Why don't we let
the bowling do the talk. That feels good, right, yeah,
but it wasn't as good as yours. But it just
(09:02):
doesn't feel fair to me. Doesn't feel fair. Come down
here with Jones boulder to knock over all the pins
and we got to use Hey, you know what, you
know what, you know what, the pens are gonna do what,
We're gonna let the bowling do the talking. He already
did that. I just want to see if good it
feels pretty good. You know what, maybe if we let
(09:23):
the bowling do the talking like he had a question,
Well you think it sounds good again? I got a
little sidebar for Stevie if you guys don't mind. Stevie,
I understand that about the bigger ball. I think it's exciting.
I think you could change the face of the game.
I really do. But I don't think it was necessary
to also wear bigger shoes. But I don't know that
the clown shoes are going to help you throw a
(09:43):
roll the ball. Listen, I'm trying to get in the
hand about the tiny balls. And you know what they
say about people with big shoes, right, and thinking, I
get the biggest ball and then the shoes, and that's
not what they say. Who you sho that's not what
they say about people with big shoes. It's not it's
certainly not a ball thing, not a ball thing. The
ball thing stands and its own and they're looking at
their little tiny balls, and they're like, can I just
(10:06):
ask that we use regular shoes with the bigger ball first,
just to see how the bigger ball goes, right, and
then next week maybe we work, or next month or
next year, we work in the biggest shoes. Okay, Hey,
you guys, do you think that they're saying that we
have tiny balls over there right now? They've been saying
it to our faces. Why wouldn't they say it? And
because it's standard, right, I mean, they're not tiny the
standards right, normal set. I'm just getting a little nervous
(10:27):
that maybe we're not representing ourselves properly just because our
balls are regular size. Well, maybe we need bigger balls
in order to compete with bigger balls. Hey, we have
big metaphorical balls. Okay, all right, you're right. I'm sorry
that I was doubting us for a second area, we
should have bigger shoes. Well, now you're doubting our feet size. Okay, Well,
I'm just saying, give me your shoes. Well, here, take
(10:49):
our shoes, trade all our shoes, and we'll go get
some bigger shoes. You know, this is exactly what they want.
This is exactly what they want. They're in our heads.
Excuse me, I would like some bigger shoes. Please, three
pass um, Let's go for the larger largest. Let's go
a lot of psychic sixteen sixteen yeah, three huge sixteen.
(11:13):
You have beautiful eyes than Sorry, it just cont distracted.
But like those t te go out in front. Hey,
I got him redone recently, and look really glory. I'm
going to break Okay, okay, no, I'm fine, I'm fine here.
So you've been working here a long time. Huh. I've
never really seen you around here, but you seem to
know your way around back there. Yeah, here's some big
(11:33):
shoes and then uh, here's some really big shoes. Wow
you're yeah, you're just wow. Gloria, I feel like too, Yeah, yeah, yeah, Gloria. Mike, Mike, Yeah, Mike, Mike,
Jesus Christ Mike, or these sixteens. Yeah, you said to
get bigger shoes, and sixteen is alright, it's the biggest
they had and you know she couldn't find him at first.
(11:56):
She had to go into the basement and get him.
This is tough for me. I'm a seven and a
half normally. Yeah, like I can. I don't even lace
these to put them on. They're gonna I'm gonna fall
out of these. But now that we got these big shoes,
just wait, these guys are gonna be so freaking scared.
It's great to eat that. At the basement, I'm looking
for the pig shoes. Oh you want the six scenes yeah, yeah, yeah,
the biggest ones we've got. I got about four. Yeah,
(12:19):
I'll take I'll take four. What's it like up there? Huh?
Don't you can wait for I'm so. Here's the water
bottle in the corner. It's me. I just I'll bring later.
So I can't bring me some sunlight too, I can't
bring some of my absolutely not. You're you're here for
(12:42):
a reason. You've all done something horrible. These are great,
thank you. I'm gonna take these up. I'll bring some down.
Just shut up, excuse me. Glory and waiting. I've got
to turn these shoes and I need something smaller. Oh
and no one said the basement. What I didn't hear that.
(13:05):
I didn't hear you. Oh, I said I needed a
smaller pair of shoes. I got too big a peer,
too big of a pair, I guess, little shoes. What
size do you want? Just a regular old size six? What? Nothing?
What's roar? I didn't you said gross? I didn't say that.
(13:27):
Here you go all the coming back over with normal shoes.
Now that's the thing. Well, no, that's good because now
we're still different, but we're big. We're bigger. He fell
out of his shoes on that violation. I just scored
a zero. I got some hot dog bun I can
stick in the toes. Alright, this, I hope this works.
(13:50):
Did you get hot dog buns for everybody? You put
the hot dog buns and your hey dogs? These are carbs.
It's hard to be it's tough to be around so
many cobs. Yeah, yeah, foot carbs. And you know what,
we're gonna beat you guys? What? What the hell was
your team name? Again? I can't even read the backs
of your jersey. They got so much mustard on him.
(14:10):
Kills somebody got a problem with that. Yeah, I mean,
I mean it's not a bowling punt at all. No,
it's not. There were bowling, but this is what we
do to our opponents, kill them. See what the bowling
says about that? Nice, let's see what the bowling says
about that. Maybe their own spin on it. But thank
(14:34):
you guys for congratulating me. At the end. We landed it.
It was fine, it was and she took a spin,
which is a bowling turn. Man, my hot dogs are
getting sweaty. Hey, Mike, can you grab some more hot
dog this Stevie, you're up and a strike, buddy, strike
with that big ball. I'm going to run alongside the ball. Okay,
here we go. It's just right. Thank you, thank you.
(15:06):
It's a strike it. Throw a beach ball at it.
It's not the promotional beach ballal beach ball. You're up, Dangleberry.
It's not Dangleberry Dingleberry. Thank you, Dangleberry. Officer Martin Dingleberry.
All right, Hey, I'm not a cop while we're here,
that's right, that's right, all right, and release got a ball.
(15:37):
I will arrest and kill all of you this time.
I'm gonna call it all right. I hope you pick
up that spare. Come on, clean it up, man, you
can do this some squishing out of your shoes, hot talk,
buns of getting sweaty. Hey, just ease into a man,
Just relax, thanks, Mike, got a ball? Throw it yet yet?
(16:02):
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's some psychological warfare right there.
All right, take your time. Sorry, step one, step step released?
Oh four pins? Nice? You know that's not normally bad bowler. Okay, well,
(16:29):
now I guess now I'm going to be taking the
turn for so I get the day right there. We
were kidding before and we said that Steve, you can't
take two turns. Who's we can take my turn? I'd
like to Who's gonna do whatever Steve wants? Uh? And
I hope that he sees me as a romantic prospect
at the end of the day. Okay, an interesting development? Yeah? Absolutely? Uh,
(16:51):
miss Steve, you want to way and you're gonna leave
her danglin. Well, the thing is that I'm married, but
it's honestly, it's not working. Honestly, my favorite thing to
do is go bowling, and my wife never obstable. I
also am Okay, we've compromise. I'm not bowling today for you.
You know what, She's not bowling today. But it's not
a compromise. It's she put her foot down. I'm sorry, guys,
(17:11):
emil seeing this looks like a little basement person crawling
through the ball return that. Whoa, who is this guy?
But man, there's some place up You've never been up
here before? No right going. Wow, it's like a such
a stand. I want to be. I gotta be. Yeah,
(17:33):
we can go grab your His skin is flaking off
like a full logger. God, I don't want to food. Also,
just in the basement. What are you doing in the basement. Well,
I worked on the shoes. Yes, we gotta make real
we gotta make bowling ouse. Yeah, they didn't have anything
(17:58):
really full body, but I got you a craftsman. Thanks.
I don't know if you should drink. He's been on
the ground. God, he's drinking it. You could see it
go right through him. Real disgusting me. Anyway, I got
to get back to it. Well, he's going back down
the ball. Believe it just came up for that one time.
(18:21):
First time was right back down, no problem. You know,
sort of like when a guy gets out of jail
after being there for a long time. If you go
back to jans to go back, here's no wife outside
What was it like up there? It was freaky. Was
the size of like seventeen of these rooms? What kind
of people in uniforms and outfits and stuff? It was
(18:43):
none of them a big she was not a single
one of them. And there be that was flowing. Yeah,
I've been dreaming about about it. I want to want,
I want to be. I want to be. This is
what I was gonna be here. You're allowed to go
up top. I'm sorry, my lord, I get carried to me.
(19:06):
You sure did. But I feel like I have to
make an example of you or the rest of the
Bowling Ells will run him of him. I'll I'll take
my shoes off. You do your worst, all right, tell
you what. I'll give you one chance to get out
of this. Pick up the seven ten split with only
(19:29):
your mind not bad? Ah this again, Oh you will
be flayed. Here we go be released? All right? How
did that even happen? Nobody was even't even gone. Team
(19:49):
that's teams just fell down. That doesn't make any sense.
Not in this with cheating. Somebody's helping your cheating. You
know what I'm gonna say, talk to the bowling about it.
And that's the way we finished the scene on the
(20:09):
seventh version of Let the Bowling. Oh man, it's July
when we're recording this to Our second scene is going
to take us to one of the great happenings in
the month of July in the southern California area, which is,
of course, Comic Con. Let's head down to the main
(20:30):
floor and meet several excited patrons at the ninth two
thousand nineteen Comic Con. Are you going to get all
of those things signed? Because this line is really long,
and if you get all of those signed, then then
we're not all going to get our time. Well, look,
it's not every day you have a chance to meet
the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld. I'm getting this signed. I
(20:53):
have all these Kansas, got like a whole wheelbarrow soup. Yeah,
every flavor. I'm covering my bases. We're gonna be in
this line forever, Honey. I thought we're gonna make Thor.
We're not going to meet Thor. I thought we were
going to meet Thor too, but we got to get
through the Soup Nazi line first. Why do you have
to get through the Soup Natz in line to meet Thor?
Because I'm just here for the soup Nazi. But I
(21:14):
wonder why, why is this a pre requisite for priorities?
And first we want to meet Thor. Oh, it's a
personal thing. It's not a challenge, no, no, no, we
just I want to meet Thor. One of us wanted
to meet Thor, and one of us wanted to meet
the Soupnazi, so we agreed to do both. Yeah, we
are you here to see the Soupnazi. That's it though.
(21:35):
The whole comic guns. We're all in line for the soup.
Not I understand that you gotta have anything planned. He
says that funny thing, no soup for you, right, that's
the guy and the guy. That's the guy you're all
big fans of. Oh, it's so funny the way he
says that. And the actor's name, he's just a soup?
Is that an actor? I thought, Oh jeez, I thought
(21:55):
that they just it was kind of like, you know,
you guys take this real serious, like I don't know,
I mean, check it out, guys. He's signed my reduced
sodium Italian Wedding super progress. Thank god, finally we can
get to the front. Good luck, guys. He's a he's
a real gem of a person. I'm gonna go get
a line for hall h forever. Where's he going? He's walking, super?
(22:17):
Where's the super going? Step back? Who's next? Oh, he's back,
he's on a standing on a drum. I'm next. All right?
What's your name? My name is Jeeke. No it isn't
take this we like on the show. No, I'd like
you to sign this package of Ramen noodles. Get out
of line, but I had to go to the back
of the line. I don't like your face. Okay, who's next?
(22:43):
My my husband and I are. We were huge fans.
We were okay, I heard that. Will I hope we're
doing this right? Will you sign? Will you sign this
this this box of of super from Trader Joe's for us? Well,
of course I will. That be a lesson to the
rest of your line there? What does it mean from
(23:04):
Trade to Joe's? All right? And what is your name?
My name thor interesting? Yeah, that's why my husband wanted
to go see. He calls it the Real four but
it's kind of embarrassing, so I get it. So you
both didn't want to be here for this little lady.
Why is the souper nazis lying? So long no one
(23:26):
wants to meet Thor. I'm here on my shop because
no one wants to meet me. I'm really sorry, sir.
We'll try to dump up some business for you. Do
you do? Take your shirt off? Take your shirt off? Also,
you're kind of a little too friendly. People like to
be treated poorly. It's true, like exactly. Yeah, and so
maybe you could be a little meaner. Okay, I could
(23:48):
try that. Let me just pulled my top off first. No,
that's not the real Thor. He's the God of Thunder.
You want the Marvel Thor. Let's go. Okay, okay, still nobody,
no takers. Huh could you be a little meaner a
little like more like impressive or impressive? My god? Oh
(24:10):
my god, oh my god? Are you? Are you? Thora?
I am from the Marvel movies? Are like the real
god of the real God of Thunder? Never mind? Alright,
fuck you, piece of ship. Oh that was good? Nego alright, good,
good good. I've getting the heck of this here. Why
don't we practice? Um, will you sign this for me? No,
you dumb idiot? Great? Good job. Now I really want it. Okay, great,
(24:35):
now I will sign it for the fee of thirty
American dollars or fourteen golden fleeces. Okay, great job, that
was really good, really nice. Thor Asgard is in danger.
You knew I had this thing this weekend? Funk. I'm
so sorry. I totally forget you know what? Very impressive.
(24:58):
No no, no, noise us to appear and out of
no I'm oh my god, it's looky. Can I get
you war with? I knew it because of the head
the head look, yeah, yeah, lucky Loky, don't get you look,
I'm sure sure. Here you go kidding, sir? Do you
want to spend the day at the con? I've got
(25:18):
things to do. Heat on you. We have not seen
heat like this since the Soup Nazi. It's so true.
Why don't you just move for a second? Fine, Loky,
have a day, have a con. What is it I'm
supposed to do here? There are there are hordes marching
on Ascard as we speak. Well, basically, when anybody comes
(25:40):
up and asked for your autograph, you charge them a
lot of money for it, like American Earth money exactly,
And Danielle and I get sorry, it's because of the
company we work for. It's not us. I mean these
hordes really are like bearing down on Ascar as we
and like in between customers we do coke. Oh, give
(26:02):
you some advice, brother, What is it When the picture
is dark, use the silver sharpie. When the picture is light,
use the black. Get out of your trust me. He
wanted to do it this way. Loki store wasn't very
good at this. But you don't have to listen that
no one was in his line. Are you going back
to ASCAR to take care of these problems? I really
(26:24):
wanted to walk the convention floor. You could walk the
convention floor. Go for it, and then I'll then I'll
go to go to Ascard and save our people. Okay, cool,
you meet this guy named Nate on the convention floor.
We need a few grams for this afternoon. Okay. He's
going to ask you to do some disgusting stuff and
let me just say it's worth all right. Look, I'll
(26:45):
pick that up after I visit the Funko pop stand. Alright, okay,
step right up for the line to have an autograph
from drugcula. Who would like to an autograph from Dracula?
I am indeed you beat my daughter, right my guy? Oh?
(27:07):
I remember? Yeah, you will live forever more while you
will die early from lung disease. Why would you say something?
What can happen to me? You'll live forever. It's Judith forever.
It's Judith, isn't it? It's Judy? But remember now, Judith? Yeah,
(27:37):
tell me again? What the seven things are you wish
most from this world? I want a pony. I want
a hot term. I want to be above a pool
with a waterfather goes into the pool six toes on
one ft? Any other? I want honey? I got I
(28:00):
gotta step outside really quick. Okay, just stay here up, Okay, sir,
I'm sorry. Would you like a drinking drink of water?
I want Lacroix? Are you sure? Because I think you're choking?
I am, but I need Lacroix. Here, here's the lacroix.
I thank you, better God, thank you for a moment
(28:21):
thought I had early. I'm sorry I couldn't help. But oversee,
I'm you know who I am? Are you? No? I
don't know? My name is Blanche Twaba. Oh my god,
the Lacroix Twaba. Yes, what I just saw would be
(28:41):
perfect for a commercial? May I please? Oh my god?
It was so said no to water. No you just
wanted Lacroix, had a sip up the Lacroix. I wish
other people had seen this. This was amazing. Yeah, that's
an outside food and beverage. We don't take kindly to that.
At the mention, Hall, I didn't this here. I didn't
(29:02):
bring this. You don't want to mess with me, sir.
I'm a multimillionaire. You don't want to mess with me either.
I'm in charge of this next stand here where we
charge seventeen dollars for a four piece pizza. Pizza, that's terrible.
You should be ashamed of yourself. Are you guys just
gonna stand in front of Dracula's table Because I've been
waiting for an autograph for a while. Let the young
man through. Hi? Are you the real Dracula? I am? Indeed,
(29:26):
that's Judith, one of my own. Would you too like
to live forever? Sure? What I gotta do? Just offer
your neck to me? Or can I do that yet? Oh? Judith?
Are you ready? She Judith doesn't have fangs, though, she's
just gonna g norwish she doesn't have fangs until she
gets a whiff of that human neck of you. Okay,
(29:49):
I'm gonna I'm gonna trust that fangs are gonna appear. No,
there's no there's a little shop, a little she's just
on just knowing on my sud. What are you doing
to that man? I was trying to get through the skin.
(30:10):
You are acting like a monster, disgusting Judy, My bad,
I've confused your daughter with a completely different little girl
named Judy you have? How is that possibletely? Otherwise she
could have easily bitten into that human. All right, excuse me?
(30:33):
Can I have some time with Dracula? Let the young
lad through? Right? What is your name? It's Phil? Phil?
What may I do for you? Determinally? Ill? So right?
You can give me? And also what her monster parties
really like? Oh they're the grand is, you should say,
(30:56):
Frankenstein cut a rug. I wish I could be alive
to see it. Well you will, Judith, give it another growth.
You need something to drink? Do you need something to drink? Yeah?
I have a lacry here. Oh there's no sugar in that, right,
I don't think so? None? No, absolutely not. There's just
(31:18):
the essence of real fruit flavors. You know who I am.
You'll notice it's not the taste of real fruit flavors,
but rather the essence. That's it, that's it. I think
I see. All right, you've been bitten and now you
(31:42):
will live forever. I hope I'm a stronger version of
me when this is also Now, if you wouldn't mind,
Dracula is going to take a smoke break. Okay, sure,
all right, you look after the line for me. Please
don't let anyone go. Really, just need to feed the
dragon if you know what, I'm sure, no problem. And
(32:04):
it's called a frog feeds the frog when it feeds
the dragon. Um okay, look uh you seem like a
smart little girl. I'm a smart, a little vampire bitch. Okay, um,
well maybe you should like help us out, like help
us drum up some business here for Loki for yeah,
(32:24):
what do you think? Ok? I really need to get
back to Ascard. Okay, well this is our guy. What
do we get to sell? Basically just like a handsomeness
it's good looking. Well I'm seven, so I don't even
think about a Mrs so ageless congratulations. Where did you
guys even get these eight by tens of me so fast? Well?
(32:48):
You know, we know, we know our stuff. We have
had nothing to do with the photo. We have files
and files and files in the basement of all of
these eight by tens, right, all the cash members of
Men Game on. I need you on stage in four minutes.
Robert Downey Jr. My god, what are you doing here
to come? No? No, I understand, But it's just that
(33:08):
you know, you died and the thing and that, and
we don't really it was kind of weird. I mean,
I'm still part of the family. Guy kind of started
the franchise. If you want me to go, I'll go,
but I'm not. You know, you were so great as
an origin and we kicked off the whole Marvel universe
and now it's just the car has left the station. There.
If you don't know what I'm saying, right, fine, well
you know what, I'll tell you what come on stage
(33:29):
at the very end when they all take about and
be a big surprise for all the kids. Right. But
I don't get to do that to keep you away
from the Q and A for now, right, because it
seems like the question is gonna be the same, the same,
the same. Are you're really gone? You're really gone? Kind
of thing? Yeah, which which I could answer if you
really wanted me to answer them. Okay, let's let's let's
go ahead and practice that. Now. Are you really gone? Okay?
(33:49):
See what I mean. It's a very quick sort of thing.
So if you just come out of the end and
take a bow, it blows everybody's mind. Oh my god,
there he was right. Let me see the bout one
more time. Whoa, it's as I was trying to keep quiet,
but I couldn't hold back. That bow was amazing. Let's
try it again, Clara's do you have a question for
(34:10):
Robert down and let's see how it goes this time?
What question for me? Are you? What was it? Are
you back in the show? Are you back in the show? No,
I'm not back in the show. Have you watched Endgame? Yes?
Because an end game? If you will see, you will
notice that at the end of Endgame there was a funeral.
Don't worry, it's not a spoiler. It's five weeks longer
(34:32):
than you think. It was a go okay, good, good, good. Hello.
It is I Chris Hemsworth, not the actual Thor Ready
for this panel? I bring you candy for the nose
that I secured from Nate. I don't know you've got
a storm cloud above your head. It's it's called a career.
(34:55):
What's your name? I'm just a big fan of Thor.
I'm Chris his manager, Timmy Thompson, Well, Timmy Thompson. I
believe this is the real store and not Chris Hemsworth.
I'm sorry. I recognized Chris Emsworth and there was a
storm above this man's head. Really, you do not see it.
It's called Chris's career. Yes, it is I Chris Emsworth.
(35:16):
Christian not put that cocaine. That's that close to me? Please? Sorry,
thank you? R j D so close? Did you? Did
you have a question for Chris Emsworth? I wanted to
get my Thor Dark World DVD signed, but I don't
want it signed by this true fat would not want
Dark World signed. They would throw it away immediately. I
(35:38):
pretended didn't happen. Okay, but I feel like, what would
you like Chris signed? What's your name? My name is
h Loyola. I'm sorry. I'm his mother. I know he's
too big to bring me along, but I couldn't help it.
His name is Loyola. How sweet? But Mom, this isn't
actually this is this is not Christmas decided, honey, that's funny.
(36:01):
Lick your face careful. That's embarrassing. But you can see
that that's Thor, the god of thunder. I don't know
anything about what you like or what you don't like.
I'm just trying to make you happy. Fine, if you
can sign it all right? Sound rude, Loyola merry a mountain.
Let's he's a god. He knows my last name? Oh
(36:26):
love Chris. I'm from Australia. Is that you spells Chris
with a k r y. That's not that's the incorrect spelling.
See tim Timmy tamp What was your name, agent man,
Tommy Timpson. He spelled the name Chris wrong. My son's
(36:46):
a big fan, huge fan. I've seen all the Dark
World movies and I'm a big fan of my son.
I'm such a lucky mother. Who are you hoping to
me today? Oh? I just wanted a little time with Loyola.
He's been so busy lately. Oh, maybe you can at
them the hell away from the table. Come here, let
me punch, Uh lady, I'm just trying to say you
and you can spend some time to get to get
(37:07):
the hell away from so. Sorry, but like that was
really impressive. It didn't mean interrupt, But can I get
your autograph? Oh? Sure, Oh my gosh, I'll give you
twenty bucks. Okay, thank you A punch lady, Can I
get your autograph? Sure? Oh my god, here you go. Hey,
Tim Thomason, a manager. I'm just when you're done. Punch
(37:29):
it lady. You're so impressive with you. Maybe you want
some management. I could really get better, better, Hall of
better table. This is god too far. I'm to open
the game. I'm sending them to Asgar. That's scene too
for today. Scene three is quite the surprise to everyone's
(37:53):
the optimist directly to a training facility at the largest
toilet paper corporate. Oh that was a good one's the end. Yeah,
that's a nice little piece there. Now, as uh many
of you know today, the president of the corporation has
come to speak to you, the trainees, to try to
(38:14):
fire things up a little bit. We're we're getting fired.
I can't be fired fired three times this year already.
To lift your spirits, I misspoke. Fire Gareth Sharman never
comes down here. I understand. That's why it's a huge,
big deal. And how great that you do know his
first name? A lot of people. Just call him Mr Sharman,
(38:35):
which is what I would appreciate when he shows up.
Of course I will. I will not make that mistake.
Will not call Garethons. Okay, everybody, Mr Sharman's about to
come down, So if everybody could just you know, you know,
have some day corn about them. We allowed to look
him in the eye. No, no one is allowed to
look him in the eye, right, No one is allowed
to look at the floor. Keep your eyes on his
neck and keep your hands behind your back. And what
(38:58):
if I'm a little tall, and then when I really
looking in his eyes. No, you're gonna be fine. You're
gonna be fine. Don't overthink this. Also, don't breathe in
a weird way. Uh. And uh, you know, just have
fun with him. What's the best way to pose a question? Uh?
You know, he'll let you know what the best way is.
And it's mostly a vibe thing. You're gonna have to
feel it out with Mr Sherman. But I don't overstep
(39:20):
your bounds because if so, he will you know, he
will act out violently. So I would just say keep
it soft. That's what we'd like to say. Sherman probably
go without say but we're not. We're not supposed to
squeeze him right. No, No, that's just for the roles.
But he might like a joke about that, or it
could make him very Can I smell his neck? No, ma'am? Okay, um,
thanks for asking. Is it true he's got three pink
(39:42):
bears his bodyguards? Okay, I'm not going to even acknowledge that.
What would he like first birthday? What would sweet? That's
a sweet question. Probably looks like there's not a lot
of work going on you boy, every body, thank you,
snuggles and coggles. So, yes, that's right. Just two pink bears,
(40:07):
not three. Yeah, one of them got itself fired. You
don't want to get fired by Garreth Sarlat. That's the
last person you want to get fired by. Yeah, boys,
fuck up these interns. Let's do this. Stop your applause? Hey,
you are you looking in his eyes? Right now? What's
(40:27):
that on his neck? There's nothing on my That's a
shirt color. It's a shirt color, shirt color. Sir? Excuse me?
You step forward? Son? Are you training or are you
a full fledge employee? Overall fledging? But we have to
go through training once a month. Okay, Well, then here's
a training question for you. Anything. What are the grooves
(40:51):
on the paper? Four? Oh? I know this one? Okay?
Can I help him a little? I know this one? Okay,
only with one word clues? Oh, I know this all okay,
here's I swear and I don't want anything to happen
to you. Okay, ready, here's my clue one? All right?
(41:12):
Can I impression? I got it? I got it, got it.
I'm looking at your next, sir, and my answer is
to catch the fecal matter. That's exactly right. The grooves
collect the fecal matter in between. Good job kid, nice woof? Hi,
don't celebrate yourself. Oh you're not allowed to have five
(41:35):
in this all right, we're gonna we're gonna toss you
out the window, but we'll hold your ankles lit window.
Let's just shake him, but think about it all. Anybody
else need a dangle? And my butth hole says, when
it looks inside itself to see if there's any more turns,
(41:57):
and there's nothing because you're using Sharman right, that's right, alright,
So show me the winding station for where we wind
up all the toilet paper on the roll. Where is it? Ye?
Show him the winding station. Where is It's right over here, sir. Okay,
and let's see one of the interns use it. Okay,
(42:17):
you got this. I've been training on this for a
long time, so I'm very good at winding. So here
we go. We got this. Roll on the thing here
clicking into place? Can I roll and I roll? Roll,
roll and rolled? Its sparking, its sparking rolling. You could
(42:46):
stop it? Do you quit that? What you did? The
boss just made a mess of his pants because of you.
This is awful. There's not enough grooves on any of
our rules to clean this. All right, we gotta hang
you from the fan. Just from the first down. I
turned you into a skid mark. Turn on the fan. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.
(43:06):
All right. So now somebody fetched me a new pair
of pants. Here you go. Mr Sherman, thank you anytime.
Please please bears create a wall around me so I
can change myself soiled garments. No judgment, thank you, thank you,
no judgment you said, no judgment. I didn't mean what
(43:27):
I said. Okay, and goodest new these khakis are pressed
than Mr Sharman. Yeah, just thank you. Welcome aboard uh
the my co pilot, and I wanted to say a
very special thank you for the many, many years that
of comfort and joy you've brought to our families. I
hope you had a chance to take a look at
the menu for today's fine did Did you have any questions?
(43:49):
Are concerned? It seems self explanatory. There salmon, and there
is tuna, and is there something special out here that
should be surprised? You're gonna take a little chance today
and serve some bay. Excuse me, now, I personally am
not that offended, but I've got a couple of I've
got a couple of security guards with me today. I
(44:11):
don't feel great about eating bears. I mean, I will
eat the salmon nos delicious, right, So we brought the
salmon for the security and for you. We were told,
we were tipped off that you'd like some grilled bear.
Were you making a food change? You eat grilled First
of all? I should I like to indulge in bearra
But I would never eat bear in front of my
two favorite securities. Not about what you do in front
(44:34):
of us. It's about who you are at your course.
Don't you have men? Of course? I have ethics, of course?
Who else would create strong and soft toilet paper. But
an ethical man like youn't see we're creating soft and
strong toilet paper. Has to do with you eating bears
when we're not around. You know what, We got another job.
We gotta we gotta. Let's round this plane because we
(44:55):
gotta get out here. Yeah, we don't leave. Don't leave. No,
the the cord stop for the plane. We're on an
active tarmac, so we're about to take off eleven minutes before. Well,
can you let us out? We would like to get out.
We have a comic CONDI sharman. If I may make
a suggestion, please let's lose the bear. Please, not the bears.
(45:17):
I'll just not eat bear today. Just bring bring three
orders of salmon and that will be fine. No grilled bear,
No grilled bear. Wink wink, no grilled We're gonna bring
him more bear. Please don't say the wink wink. Part
of that's the silent but deadly I see. So look
at my eye and no grilled whale still saw that. Yeah, yeah,
(45:42):
here comes from say it's uh honored heavy on board.
Uh co pilot has been taking good care of you.
There h the grill bear toy like can we can
you realize you have your choice of airlines? And so
we grilled the real nice Why do they keeps saying
gal bear like, I don't know, it's the thing, It's
(46:03):
like it's now, It's like they're just trying to insult us,
like they're trying to make us really angry or something.
We should have taken that comic con gig. I'm telling you.
Let me just say this shot I think you're flying
is fantastic, and that's why I continue to use your flights.
But the way you talk about bears being eaten and
grin just upsetting my security guards because we're bears. Because
(46:24):
I have you ever had two raging angry bears inside
of your pilot? We get raging angry. I don't like
to use you they don't like to use that word.
But how about pilot deck? Does it sound good? Did
you lose the term cockpit flying? The flying? We one
time we did have a couple of real angry bears
(46:46):
in here. Isn't that right? Damon? It is? You're not wrong,
And I'll tell you what happened. They were both shot
in the forehead. It sounds like like like later in
their lives yes, okay, okay, no, we don't allow firearms
on the okay, good, So as long as we stay
in this plane was safe other than the one our
pilot has and the one the Air Marshal has. Air Marshall,
(47:08):
where did you come from? Crouching? And are you the
Air Marshal, the honorary Air Marshal? Yeah, y'all need any
bear to be grilled? I can suit these guys in
the hid you understand these besha with me? I'm Mr Sharman.
But you also ordered the bear on your meal car.
Didn't the saw the meal cards when I was down
(47:31):
there checked bear check? I don't check slam. How could
you do that? Honestly? I was rode in beside it
still bloody? You wrote, still bloody? But not even Are
you gonna eat grilled bear? You're gonna eat grilled rare bear.
Sorry forgive me for pointing fingers away from Moster Sharman
(47:54):
who chartered our plane, And again we thank you for
your business. Could you two have been more obvious the
bears about choosing salmon and checking that box? Is there
anything outside the salmon world that we could bring you
to to make We're not choices a salmon, you could
take slam in our back. Like if someone said to you,
(48:15):
do you want to eat Reese's peanut butter cups or
a bag of fingers? Which would you do? Right? I
would be interested in the finger bag. But are you
sure you're an air marshal? Which bear my addressing? I'm sorry,
I'm snuggles. That's guggles. Snuggles, which is an exercise? Have
you heard the term don't knock it until you try it?
(48:36):
M Are you gonna try to make me eat bad? Better?
Not eat? Forgive you buggles. Don't you worry. I'll tell
you what. Let's do a blind taste taste test. It's
gonna taste like salmon. It's gonna taste like bad. You
don't know so much like slamon. You're percompletely, you know
what I do know. I know what human tastes like. Yeah,
(49:00):
I was grilled human. I'll the head. I'll shoot you
in the head. Oh, you don't never go I'm sorry.
Did the bear just say I'll shoot you in the head.
That's said, I will shoot you in the head. I'll
shoot you in the head. Cuggles. So it sounds like
you had a really rough flight. In Mr Sherman. Yeah, sure,
Luckily the Bears are still helping and yeah, everything's okay,
(49:24):
and I'm glad to be at the factory and everyone
here has impressed me so much. Well, unfortunately we only
have Bear today in the commissary. Unbelievable, this is unacceptable.
You could eat sides mostly side. You you knew that
we would have mascot's even of this company. You knew that,
(49:45):
you know requested Bear class. I'm at the pastry. I
want the pastry, you said, from from a peastry. You're
on our last and the boss you know that? Please gosh,
I you don't understand. I'm I'm just a guy that
loves the flavor of Bear. Anybody want to squeeze a
(50:07):
roll to get their tensions out? Yeah, all right, give
it a squeeze. You crushed that. That's very good. A
little bit too. Hey, you know what, though, you got
that roll of toilet paperwere you do? Yeah? Okay, let's
see who's gonna be with Mr. Sherman's snuggles and guggles. Yeah,
(50:28):
you two are gonna look after Mr. Sherman's trip. Y, Okay,
there's a couple of things you need to know about
this particular trip. What is it? Boss? Well, on the
plane and when you arrive it looks like they want
to serve grilled bear. So I need to know that
you two are okay with that. That can't That can't
be right. That's got to be a typo, That's okay.
(50:48):
I need to forget this information so that when it's
brought up in the moment, I won't remember that this
information was given to us. Yeah, yeah, White, this clear
from my mind. That's the reason we're having this conversation.
As when it's brought up, I need you too, to
both act professionally and pretend you've never had this discussion
and you're outraged by the notion. I mean, I will
(51:09):
definitely be outraged by the notion. You need to act
in order to quell your concerns. We'd like you to
try from grilled beck. For God's sakes, I'm telling you
we should have gone to Cacula. Is that comic con?
The real Dracula pays really well, man, I know I
heard the real thought was there? That can't be right?
(51:30):
Who ordered the bear? God? Damn it? Why why do
we turn bears into cannibals? No one will ever know,
but my heart sings today and tomorrow. Is that what
you anticipated when you got that suggestion? Let me look no,
that suggestion from Kevin p from Los Angeles, from from Hollywood, California. Yes,
(52:01):
and thank you for writing in mes A Lover sixty nine.
Let's thank all of our alchemists today. Cal Stratton, thank
you so much for being at the table the same
time as me working on Folks find you and the
things you do? Yeah, pretty pretty pony, first Thursday of
every month at west Side Comedy in Santa Monica. Lots
of fun and um on social at Stratton Cool or
at col Stratton, depending on which one you'll find me.
(52:23):
Fantastical Vanessa l Money. You can look at dynasy typewriter
dot com forever and I'm Vanessa Hope on Instagram. I
don't tweet anymore. Good for you. Yeah, I kept the
name deleted the history. I don't know what I've thought,
but I'm sure I don't want to know if any
(52:44):
of you do receive any sort of missive from my
from what looks to be my Instagram account. By the way,
someone has put a under case underscore rather before Kevin
Pollock went to three and they're sending messages to people
that I follow, So just a little heads up, thank
you for minding sorry about that. Not not great taking
(53:10):
some of my photos, putting in his own stream. Yeah,
just terrific. That means you've made it though. Yeah, I guess. Yeah,
there's a fake Kevin then that's yeah, mark a for
us when you go back to work on the Blood
and the Treasure, Blood and Treasure we start back up
end of September for our our first Asia season and
(53:30):
you go to Croatia to shoot that Asia. Yes, um
no with the Dynasty, Dynasty typewriter, the final Friday or
find a Wednesday of every month with the work use
improv and um yeah, everybody keep watching Blood and Treasure
Tuesday's tenn CBS. Yeah, James Zeny just go straight to
the real Jeames. He need to come. And then on
(53:51):
the second and fourth Wednesdays of every month Bear Supply
nine pm at the West Side Comedy Theater you can
catch famous improvisers like Joey Reer, love to have you
and thank you for keeping here. Hi, Orange Texedo Improv
dot com. H Craig and I do too person show
called Range Texedo and at Carla Kaikowski on Twitter. Uh
(54:12):
and Greig, we missed you today. Joey, we missed you too.
I went the other way. Engineer of the Stars Richard
Doug bab. We also want to thank the great sound
design of Rafaelbo and producer Sophie Lichtman and our Heart Media.
(54:34):
Thank you all very much, and remember this was a
special episode without your suggestions, so please continue to send them.
I really do love going through and curating the scene
suggestions from the website that you are kind enough to
write into us, and continue to do so at your
name here at alchemy this dot com. Right to your
name here at alchemy this dot com and tell everyone
(54:57):
you've ever met, and um, if you wouldn't mind know
you hear this from your favorite podcast, go and write
a review about the show. It really does help. UM.
You know, as they say, keep those numbers up. But
for the overlords, it seems mighty important that they know
you're supporting us as much as I know from reading
your emails, and I thank you from all over the
world those emails. I'm your host, Kevin Pollic. Until next time,
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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