March 30, 2021 • 62 mins
Comedy Club Run by a Dead Frog.
Family Trip to the Zoo?
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back to another episode of This Code. I'm your host,
cool Strat and for cacabolic cost met her out for
today Shelby. First up, it's Chris Alvarado. Hey Chris, what's
your go to song for driving up? My goes down
on a sunny day? Um? So I just recently discovered Spotify.
(00:24):
You guy should check this thing out. Yeah, I'm not
kidding you. I really did. Um yeah, I just like
I don't know, like I heard of it if I
never used it, and I certainly was gonna pay for it.
So because of that, I had listened to music and years,
to be honest, just a lot of podcasts and stuff.
So then so then my fiance is like, no, you
have to have you have to have Spotify. So she
(00:44):
did this like family plan, gave it to me and
I don't know what to do with it. Oh my god,
my whole life has changed. And lately I've been listening
to this song Helen Back by Bakar. I don't know
if I'm saying that right. It's just like it starts
off with a whistle. I love a sube starts up
with a whistle. You know, dude, do do do do
do do do Do Do So, I'm just feeling really
(01:04):
good about that song right now. Nice follow up question
because he didn't listen to music. What was your go
to podcast for a sunny day with the windows down? Alchemy?
This baby Nice? Next up it's Mr James Heeney. James,
what's your favorite roller coaster? A thrill ride? I like
the X two at six Flags Magic Mountain. You get
(01:29):
speakers in your in your roller coaster and you get
to pick from the songs that you want to play
that I guess go along with the track. Uh, it's
hard to tell, but it was also the roller coaster
that made it so I could no longer go well
one of them that I can't go to six Flags anymore?
You know that that was the X two is the
(01:51):
best of the x Mence franch guys, let's be honest. Yes, yes, uh.
Next up it's Jackie to Ruthie. Jackie, it would be
your dream holiday if money with no limit, um holiday
being vacation or um money is no limit. You know
(02:14):
done it before and I'm going to do it, but
I've never done it with no money limit. You know,
I've been on a strict budget. I'd like to go
back to Spain and just blow it all baby um
all being the people, they're just kidding My money money,
(02:35):
and I want to go everywhere, take the train. I
want to go to the cities, but I also want
to go to the beaches so I can get like
a little taste of of all the different vacations and
a little taste of just a little shorts borg um
because I've got great meat there. It's all about the meat, alright, alright, uh,
(02:59):
great getkowski Greig. If you were to try something to
get in the Guinness Book, what would it be? M M.
I mean those twins, those fat twins on motorbikes are
awfully cocky. They've held that record for a while. And
so I think I need to get a lot of
(03:20):
weight and uh and find my twin and also convinced
them to gain a lot of weight if they haven't already.
So I think that's the one nice and then you
can go to Europe and blow everyone. Finally, Mr Joey Greer, Joey,
it's St. Patrick's day when we're recording this, and I
(03:41):
hear you wrote a new book of Irish poetry. Here
an excerpt. Sure this is not crazy? I mean, I
wasn't expecting to be talking about it, but cool. Thank
you so much for bringing it up. It's actually gonna
be on sale soon. Chris slash overa dot com. I
have my books on there, so please just go check
that out. But this one's called Whispers from the Western
(04:05):
Wind and that's the title of the book. And these
are all different poems and and thoughts and musings that
the one would have on the western winds on the
shores of Ireland, the Emerald Isle. And if people are
familiar with the western winds of Ireland, just a little
side now before I get into the actual poetry, that's
actually some of the strongest winds in the world. And uh,
(04:25):
it actually go completely shape a topography of the country itself.
And uh Ireland, even though it's an island right off
the coast of the UK on the western side or
left side, if you're looking at a map, it's uh,
it's it's buffeted before you get to the actual island
of the UK and the poem, I think, well, we're
(04:47):
awf a lot of time, so you can say it
for the next episode. Just geared on all right, Sorry,
I just want to give the backstory guys. Guys, guys,
that was the poem. Go all right, let's do a show,
shall we. All of our scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails,
or from our Patreon va p s. To become a
(05:09):
Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content and
other perks, just head on over to Patreon dot com
slash alchemy this. You'd like to submit a scene suggestion
via email, please write to the podcast at your name
here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here
at alchemy. Seen one comes from Tucker, who wrote, Hello Alchemists.
(05:31):
Over the holiday season, I've being almost all the episodes
in your back catalog, and now every thought I have
is the voice of Jevy Grieber. Has been a pleasant
kind of hell. I even listened to the first episode
of fan podcast that has reminded of the old saying
analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. A few people
are interested in the frog dies of it, which brings
(05:52):
me to my scene suggestion. A comedy club run by
a dead frog. Tucker from Queens. Let me just talk
to him. Okay, let me just allright, listen, get out there, man,
then everybody, man, he look man, Look, look, if you
(06:16):
keep doing it in time. Man, I'm one of the
guys putting in I know we know who you are
dead from all right, that's who That's who he is,
Jesus Christ. I'm at it here, man puts club sucks.
Shut up? Uh, sir? What's all this noise outside my office? Um? Sorry, sorry,
(06:39):
that's just another comic. They want more time. All the
comics want more time. Yeah, I know, I know, and
and you know they they're gonna be upset because they
feel like they're putting in time here and the putting
in work here, and they feel like they're getting they're
not getting, you know, the stage time they want. I
don't know what to do, sir. Are you uh you
(07:00):
hinting that you want some time Thayland? I mean, I've
just I wouldn't come right out and say that I
also work for you. I know I'm on the payroll here,
but if you felt that I deserved it, I feel like,
you know, five ten, fifteen, I could be a closer.
I could be a closer in the in the dungeon room.
You know. Um, I got some alternative stuff that dungeon
(07:21):
room closed. It needs to do two hours you have
two hours of material Thailand, No, sir, not strong, not strong,
not strong exactly, not strong. Why don't I work up
a type five first and then you can build up
the closing. Yes, a lot of people don't take me
seriously because I'm a dead frog. Yeah, yeah, I do.
(07:42):
We do. I do. I mean your community does, sir. Um.
As a matter of fact, we have somebody waiting for
you outside. Um. She's a celebrity. She's so, she's looking
to do a national tour, wants to know if she
can stop right here. I told her I'd see if
you have time to talk to the mystery who is it?
Just just drop the name. You know her, You've seen her,
(08:03):
you probably love her. I'll let her in and um
high um. I was the celebrity um wondering if I
could book some time on the stage, but preferably not
in the dungeon room, as I have been held captive
in a dungeon before, and although it led me to
(08:24):
finding my true love, it still is very triggering to
me to be there. If there's not like a beast
who's um like keeping me but also protecting me. So
if we could um give me one of the other rooms.
I get it. I get it. Uh. First of all,
I'm tremendously impressed that you know who I am and
who my club is, because I'm a big fan of
(08:45):
your work and your fan of yours. A minute that
you didn't start showing up before movies singing and dancing,
I thought, oh, no, has he died? And yes he has,
but he is not gone forever. The fact that you
own this club is so impressive to me. Yeah, I'm
a second dance, a frog who died, and I'm here
(09:07):
running a comedy club. Uh. Somehow I'm you know, I
think I probably have uh some business that that I'm
not aware of that needs to be settled before I'm
able to ascend to the next life. But right now,
my my spirit haunts this world. Uh, Edward, could you
(09:28):
come into my classroom really quick? Yeah? Yeah, Well, Edward,
we're missing one of our frogs. Uh. Why why are
you automatically asking me? Huh yeah, my teacher's assistant, Edward,
I expect you to make sure that every single class
is prepared and ready for our lessons, and I need
(09:52):
you to track down this missing dead frog. Right. I'll
get on and miss dress and door f But excuse me.
Hold on one second, don't go anywhere this is This
is a tablet and there's a GPS. Do you see
that little dot? Yeah, that's where the frog is. That's
(10:12):
where the frog is. Dude, What do you do with
that fucking frog? Dude? Just because that owner didn't let
you play this club doesn't mean you need to be
a fucking sickle about it. Man. You shut the hell up. Man,
you don't know what the hell is going on. Man,
all right, you're you're hiking. Yeah, Hi, dude, I'm high
on facts. I'm high one that's worse. I'd rather you
do fucking smack. No, man, dude, I kicked that. Dude.
(10:35):
I'm proud of myself for kicking that. Man. All right,
and so okay, so just walking to the plan again.
What are you gonna do with this frog? Now, I'll
think what we're gonna do? No, open it. What are
you gonna do again? But we're gonna do it. I
mean I'm saying that as a royal thing. But me
and you are okay, go look dude, you're not stopping me.
(10:56):
Did You're in accessory to the fact and after all right,
so you're gonna work at this point, I'm only accessory
to youse stilling a frog room at school. That's not
that big of a deal. But what you're gonna do next,
I don't know if I want to be a part
of it. Oh, you do want to be a part
of it, because I'm gonna open a portal, a rift
in another dimension. It's gonna hatch just a spirit of
this frog facts. Again, you're high on fast now. I
(11:17):
know you specifically said you don't want to play the
dungeon rooms because of because of past trauma and whatnot.
But everyone starts in the dungeon room. I mean, it's
just it's just the way that things go here. It's
a policy, and uh, you know that the other comics
that didn't complain if I've been the rules for a
celebrity such as yourself, well that's the thing. Everyone starts there,
(11:38):
but not everyone's a celebrity. So I think that we
can make some kind of agreement. No, I look, I
hear you, I hear you. My hands are tied here.
You gotta play the dungeon room. You did say if
there's some sort of creature that that might help, right,
I mean, listen tormenting you, But also protecting, but also protecting.
(12:01):
He's tormenting, but he's protecting and preferably a beast, you know,
like a beast like creature. Sorry, it's Tyler interrupt Um.
Just something I want to show you. Seems kind of weird.
There's a new Instagram account that was just started by
well by a dead frog starting a new comedy club
(12:23):
where I'm just saying that maybe you might want to
check it out. What's the handle Boin Goes. Boin Goes
is the comedy club or the Instagram accounts or that's
what I don't understand. It's a little straight and Boinles
sounds like a comedy club to me, not that that's
a good comedy club name Boin Goes. Anyway, I'm just
wanna I'm wanna need more frogs, okay, because this dead
(12:45):
frog is bloated and it's starting to stink. Infessor all right,
and we're gonna keep up appearances. Is if I get
a parade the frogs in here? Okay? So so so so,
so what do you want to do? The man? I
mean more frogs. We told need more than frogs and
where to get those? Every every science class? Look, I
(13:06):
can't give you guys any more dead frogs dressing. Dofer
has got sensors and all of them. She can track
them all. I gave you the one I can't give
you of army. We're not asking you man. Oh my god.
Is that a letter opener? Yes? Yeah, and he can
make any knows he wants when he opens that bad
boy up. Don't you mess with this or I you understand? Alright, alright, alright,
(13:27):
but I gotta do it casually a couple of a time.
I mean I can't a couple out of times I asked.
I need truckloads. And listen, you're gonna get your time.
You're gonna you're gonna be pat You're gonna you're not
gonna be an open micro anymore. Okay, Mrs Door for yes,
all right, Yes, I don't have the homework. Uh. I
(13:50):
don't have a dog. It's it's not like a dog
ate it. But I don't know it just kind of
My frog is gone. My frog disappeared. Wait a second,
your frog disappeared. When did it disappear? My frog's going
to do what your frog? Everybody everybody calmed down. Edward Edward, Yeah, yeah,
Mrs Edward, there's more frogs missing. Today's the day we're
(14:17):
supposed to be pinning and slicing today, Edward, what do
you want me to do? I'm not sure. Just in
door from maybe we could find something else to dissect.
I'm not sure I can get all these frogs. There's
so many little dots on the censor. I can't track
them all down. Well, Jimmy's kind of like a weirdo.
We could probably pin him and dice him up, right, Jimmy,
(14:38):
Hi there, So I'm Tyler. I'm the assistant of the
comedy club here. So you are the beast we ordered
right now. It's very important to our celebrity that you
not only torment her, but you also what is it here?
Protect her? Are you are typically only torment understood? Look,
(14:59):
this is the gig, man, this is the gig. Either
either you're entering or out. Alright, alright? How well, actually
the celebrities right here? Do you want to speak to her?
And you guys can maybe you know, see if there's
a report, you know, I'll just let you in. Just
let you in, okay, thank you? Hello, Hello, you must
(15:24):
be the celebrity. You can call me though, and I
can call you. Sorry, it's a mean thing. I'm I'm
just kind of trying to compensate. I'll call you maurice,
(15:46):
I mean beast. That's fine, okay, alright, So typically I
just claw and bite and rip and tear. I guess
I'm supposed to Hello, good evening everyone, and welcome to
croaks and yucks. Uh you're here. I'm that dog general.
(16:08):
I of course I have the ghost of Michigan Jay Frog.
And uh, pay no attention to this beast. He's merely
here to and to protect celebrity this evening. So let's
give it up. She's leaving her provincial life and doing
two hours of solid stand up here in the dungeon room.
(16:28):
Please welcome bow. Are you ready to love? Please give
it up for me, Give it up for me. Thank you, dude.
There's no more fucking frogs. Can you just start the
club already with the start the club? All right? Okay?
(16:51):
Do you sing? Before I can finally let my project go.
I need to get this ruse as a ruse in
an old French asshole, A looking high? Are you freaking
high again? Oh? Man? I kicked the drugs man all right,
and I took on ancient tombs ancient history lore. Look
at yourself. You're laying in a bathroom full of dead frogs. Man,
(17:14):
better problem you jelly yeah to me, I am hello.
I've heard that there's stage time. No one Mike's like Gaston. Look, Gaston,
I told you so many times. Look, you're you're you're handsome. Uh,
you're tall, You're way too handsome for comedy. Though it
(17:35):
doesn't work. It doesn't work, But I write what I know.
I'm observational. Alright, Look, it's been a while since I've
seen your stuff. Can you just give me, you know,
two or three minutes of what you're doing right now? Sure? Hey, uh,
you ever noticed that Lafou is always there? You know,
like everywhere you go, there's laf am I right right,
(17:58):
all right, what the hell is this? I'm nicky? Shit,
you're letting all these other guys go. I got a
treck workord here. Okay, I'm little shit, I'm I'm a
comic here. Oh I just shipped myself. Come on, let's look. Look. Look,
I don't know what to tell you. The boss is busy.
If you're so hot, why don't your head over the
boinos we're the boingoes. Huhya, I'll go to Boines. I'm
(18:22):
gonna take me and my two thousand followers and we're
gonna go to Boin Goes. Yeah, have fun. Hey, excuse me,
just wt me sure I got this red. I'm here
to see belt. It costs six eggs to get in.
That's too expensive. She's a celebrity. Hey, Jimmy, here is
a cheat. And if you all believe that cheats don't
(18:46):
belong in this classroom, then we've got to kill the cheat,
saying class, okay, there's a scientific method. There's a scientific
method to this. Okay, you've got a lot of good points.
That's my thesis. I backed it up with proof. Here's
my final statement. Let's get the cheat. Okay, Well, I
(19:11):
guess we're gonna need to Can I see something, Jimmy,
this is not like you are not allowed to talk yet.
I want to hear out of the cage. Jimmy, We're
gonna put Famel to hide in there if you're not careful. Alright, class,
let's have a vote. Alright, you weren't fucking friends. All right,
(19:34):
there's your fucking roads. Can we go now? One second
and just one second, let me just wait touching yourself
because I just want to I want to feel man,
I want to be fucking real with this. Dad, you're
high again? So what I got high? Yeah? I'm high? Okay, Yeah,
I'm high. Alright. Yes, I like drugs. They make me
(19:56):
feel good, they even me out. Alright, I got a
chemical and balance. I need this ship. I didn't know that, alright, undiagnosed, undiagnosed,
all right, but I need So what's the plan, now,
glad as we take this rose and we fucking burn it.
That's Bell. Everyone give it up for Bell. And now
(20:18):
here's the very specific, limited appeal observational comedy of guess tong. Alright,
keep it going from Bell, everybody, and keep going from Michigan.
What a club? What a club? What a club? At
least we're not a boy goes in my right. People
who has a mirror, they always look at what are
(20:40):
you doing? Leave him alone? He's a performing stand up.
Neither one prepared, beauty and the place. I'm a sad heaven.
(21:02):
That was the and that's our first scene. Oh boy boy,
there must be something there that wasn't there before. Number two.
It's from Patreon, Alcmedia David Roger who wrote, Hello, this
(21:24):
is Marvin and room for em twelve love love, love
you all see a suggestion a family trip to the zoo,
or so they thought. Ok, I'm just gonna need to
see your I D. Well, I'm the only adults. So
here's my high tea. That was a really way weird
(21:47):
way to introduce yourself. Just you said you need to
see I D. These are children. Children don't carry I
D s have got one I D. Here you go,
just take it. I'm starting to think that they're actually adults,
adults kids. How many of you are over over twelve?
None of us? None of right, no, yeah, okay, so
(22:12):
just take my I D. Please, So once you come
with me looking at my dad's I D D. My kids,
those are my kids. I understand that. But we can't
have just anybody walking in here saying in some kind
of strange way, here's my idea. No one else has idea.
I mean, I'm assuming they're kids and they don't have
(22:32):
I D. The way you said it was just so
loaded and so and you hear me, uh huh. He
was just so loaded insane that we're gonna have to
process you all right, So right this way, right, this
is the process in the room. Please have a seat. Please,
somebody should be watching my kids. We're gonna stripe down
your arms and legs. It's just to be safe. Just everyone.
(22:54):
The wrist. I my fingers cut the ut the light
it are okay. Now you can't see me, but you
can hear me, right, yeah, yeah? What are you doing
you with those adult kids? They're not adults. They're under
eight teen. Okay, they're under eight teen, but they're over
child age. Okay, so they are okay, so they should
(23:16):
probably paying full price tickets, is that right? Please? My
fingers are turning purple. I can tell that right. Should
they be paying full price to see? We have a
a couple of them? Okay, alright, Bobby, lights back on. Please,
fingers are really purple. You're trapping you now, they're tingly.
(23:36):
Here's a couple of minutes ting it for free. I'm
giving the maps for free. There is a lama today.
They're only in comp for a short while to make
sure you pay the desk. Have you seen this guy
right here? His fingers are turning purple. Yeah, that's me
just on his wrist. I don't know his fingers are
turning purple. You ever see these mirrors, these two way mirrors. Yeah, yeah,
they were just wondered, like, uh, up of the mirrors?
(23:58):
Can they see can they see us? And kind like, um,
can of cut my no? Yes? Yes, um, but only
for the first time, so really doesn't count. It doesn't
really count because I've never actually done it before. But
I think it counts more if you're high for the
first time. Okay, Well, sometimes someone gives you some gummies
(24:25):
to relax you, but it just kind of hypes you
out a little bit. You know, when you hear your
neighbor getting brutalized, you can't really sleep for a few days,
you know, so so then your best friend drives over
and says, this really helps me in times, you know,
(24:45):
sometimes have a hard time. So then they just give you,
like a little a little something chewy on. I saw
that on the news. It looked like from the reports,
they said, it would look like your name was tore
up by a beast or something. Yeah. Yeah, that that
that was the only thing that they could really um
even try to like explain it. You know, it's like this,
this doesn't look human, This looks messed up. Um, this
(25:07):
looks inhumane. And inhuman. So they break this guy, yet
he still uh still tied in. I still thought in
his fingers with turning purple doesn't make sense to me.
It's it's a whole risk job. But you know, yeah,
I brought you guys some mackerel that you know you've
been in here for a while. Thank you. The funny
(25:29):
thing is that we don't have fingers, so like I
don't know, you know what I mean, Like if you
tied us, we we know what would get purple. It's
the bottom of our flippers questions, So we don't really
step right up, step right up, Children of old ages,
the travel like Lama exhibit here at this zoom for
two nights only, and then we gotta get back on
(25:50):
the road. Lamas from South America. They're not alpacas, they're
not vacubias. There are two lamas right up? Dad, can't we? Dad?
Can we? Well? I was told this is something we
can We're gonna see the lamas. We're gonna see the lamas.
It's just that I've been told that we gotta pay
full price. Let me just look at the Okay, you
(26:12):
guys are just we'll just go for adults and at
the pricing board. My friend. Uh yeah, I just it's
just that I need three adult tickets, I guess, but
I don't really do see it's three adult ideas. Well,
here's the thing discounts. Oh there's an adult discount. Yes, children,
(26:37):
adults are half price with a buddy. Buddy, Yeah, buddy,
you want some fake I d s. I think this
guy can hear you. Let's step away for something. You
can't stay, stay up close and don't go anywhere. All right,
you got a dad, alright, what's what's so? What's the
(27:00):
old he's seventeen and a half. Jeez, he's Harry's Hill.
Yeah he I don't know what side of the family
that comes from anyway, not dad, I'm sorry, trying to
do a business transaction. Yes, maybe we should just go
(27:21):
we get carded and have to pay admission that every
animal we go to. No, no, no, no, I've got
a I got a good solution. Just stick with your
brothers for a second. Alright, I'll go to dad. I
don't think you're supposed to smoke in here. I don't
think anybody's I just want to put it on the
record that I said before I didn't wasn't interested in
(27:42):
the llama's case, I actually very much. So Okay, that's
a lot of tickets. Okay, okay, alright, co simply brothers.
Go see with the brothers. Alright, I need four fake
I D s. I can do that. I can do that.
Wre I blame, all right, But first things first, let
(28:03):
me see you're you're not a cop, are you? Of
course I'm not a fucking cop. Alright, but I gotta
know what idea more you you want to make? You
gotta stay, I gotta keep them. Here's my I T alright, Florida. Okay,
looking good? Oh thank you? This is outdated, um not
(28:24):
five by very much. That's what I'm able to fly
with this so well, right up, step right up, last
chance to see the lava. I gotta get those fake
Ida s. Come on, I know, of course, but look,
first things first, we had to update your idea. Okay,
these things, I mean there's the same. Okay, so four
I T s four IDs. But quick the lamas. You
(28:47):
already said four ideas, you're gonna need five one for yourself. Listen, Fred,
we like you, we like your lamas. They're just not
bringing in the sales that you promised. They would bring in.
And look, this is a business first and foremost. You
understand me. Understood, understood, friend. Look, the lamas don't do tricks.
(29:07):
They're not tradeable. They just sit there and eat. Hey, look,
if you don't bring in the percentage you promised, you know,
I'm gonna have to fulfill the promise I made in
the contract, the Lama contract I recalled the Lama contract.
So unless you want to be eating Lama stew tonight,
(29:31):
you better get those sales up. You're saying you're gonna
kill my lamas and feed them. Doing to you and
only you. You're saying that I'm gonna run out of
money and then I'm gonna have to kill my own
lamas and eat them because I'm starving the former for
the former. You're gonna kill my laws, Fred, baby, I mean,
you should have read this contract before you signed it.
This is nuts. I mean, the language of the zoo
(29:53):
uses is just crazy stuff, your buddy, All right, let
me go through this with you. I mean, this is
this is pretty ironclad. Alright, there's not much we can
do with this, okay, unless you come up with they're
gonna be able to do so much. Crazy ship the
lamas and I would put up twenty dollars. I just
didn't look. They said it to me. That's an electronic
(30:15):
talking about I just clicked. I just clicked and clicked. Baby,
you can't just have any signature and think it's all grave. Okay,
this stuff is bunny service. What about it? You just click? Yes?
Except oh great, they sell all your personal data. Let
me take something that happened to me. Let me tell you, Fred,
I can't loan you twenty dollars, okay, Like Marmoset Magic
(30:38):
closed and I had to eat my marmosets. I have
no money coming in. Oh no, but but Marmoset Magic
it was. It was the top grossing touring adimal act
for years. What happened one of the marmos that's gave
away its secrets and nobody wanted to see the show anymore.
And I had to. I had to fry him up
and I had to put him on a brie of fun.
(31:00):
This was the only option. That was the only option.
It Tarder doesn't even match. Just not Steve Foods. The boy.
I gotta kid who threw up away? I needed to
clean up with your feet. I gotta go hamster boy.
Well that was part of the contract. I had to
eat my mom's that's none. They had to splice my
DNA with the hamstting. Now I'm like half and half.
(31:22):
I thought you look different. Yes, yes, this pandemic. So dad,
what's the deal I'm getting in hert? This doesn't look
like me at all. This isn't it's I mean, nobody's
gonna be able to tell this is a zoo. Okay,
I can't produce this name evo, it's I can't do that. Okay,
(31:47):
come on, just take the I T. What's someone? What's what?
Sign is somebody? If they're born October one? Libra? Come on,
let's go, guys, don't we don't want to miss the
al right, guys, all right, it looks like we had
some people here right to see the long is six.
We talked to the other guy. Where's the are you?
You're the same traveling I'm the Lama tour right here.
(32:08):
So I'm actually just some part of the zoo. But
anytime there's a traveling exhibit, wait, hold on, you just
have a you have a post it on your shirt
that says zoo. Yeah, we're running a little a little
thin right now. So you know, I had to give
my shirt up to one of the most senior members.
They forgot the shirt. So, yeah, I'm an adult and
this is my adult idea and these are my children
(32:29):
with children idea. So we'd like to get the kids discount. Interesting,
what a weird way to say. I mean, it's just
trying to cut to the chase. We want to see
the llamas before they leave. Please, could you please going
to have to process? Wait? Wait, you haven't been in
(32:56):
this sir. Sure you have not been in this room before.
He Well, it looks similar because it was all dark
last time. Understood. But we are the okay, but we
still have our own standards over here. Okay, okay, you're
just being You thought you got this with the same Loma. Guy.
I didn't know. I mean I didn't know. I do Okay,
I'm sitting kids are right there. Wait, not those, Danny,
(33:22):
get the line's blaze. No, my hands get so cold
in here. Please all right, all right, now you listen
to me. You see that you see that two way
mirror right there? Uh it's two ways? Yeah, you see
that mirror right there? I see I see a mirror. Okay,
that's two ways. Now, you don't know what kind of
(33:44):
fucked up the house to keep pointing, I don't know,
but I want to go in there and just slap
the guy's face a bunch, just pink pung them between
my my flips. Yeah, that's all I want to do. Yeah,
imagine this. Imagine this. I slap him so much he
falls and then I belly slide on his whole body
(34:04):
and then but then I land, like I get stuck
kind on his face, so then he is fixiates a
little bit. Nobody scary for him. It's pretty dark. It's
been dark these days. Yeah, it's been dark, for sure.
It's been dark. It's hard to come out and see
the light after you've been just suffocated with darkness. Yeah. Yeah,
(34:26):
I just want to say my I'm sorry that after
your family got eaten by that ORCA. You know I didn't.
Yeah hard, you know, it's another hard day. It's like,
can I get a break? All right? We'll give you
a couple of minutes to say goodbye okay to the Llamas,
(34:47):
and you know, just let me know when you're ready.
I'll be running on the wheel over there. Oh okay, Louise,
you're a good Lama. I tried to trade you. You
did nothing. Look at your dumb Lama face. You don't
even understand what's happening. Uh, I'm gonna have to eat
(35:09):
you in a gamey stew All the all the spice
in the world, it's start gonna wait. Hold up, we've
got money. We want to see the Lamas. We want
to see the Lavas. I wanted the Lamas. Do respite, respite, yes,
(35:31):
hold on, hold on friend, hold on love here, take
my money here, take my money here, dollars Fred, Fred,
wake up, baby, come wake up, God God, Oh I
hate the ball didn't I hate them all? Baby? Come on, buddy. Look,
(35:54):
you can't sleep in my car anymore. You're gonna have
to fund a place. Louise. He actually was tinder. He
wasn't gave me at all. It was so good. Fred,
I don't need to hear this, Okay, I don't need
to hear this. All right, I've hooked. You've got to
fly me to Peru. I need more. Get off of me.
Get off of me, Fred, and get off of mean.
(36:16):
Look I gave you enough money. I give you more
than enough advice. All right, you need to live in
your own ship. But I'll do you one favor. I'll
grant you one wish. You want to go to Peru?
You got it? Okay, are you are you a genie? Hey? Dad? Um,
we were talking and um, we don't think we want
(36:37):
to spend weekends with you anymore. Oh oh, but we
have a great time. Your mom's a boring, boring woman
no time. Do you all think we're not having a
great time. We're not having We all agree, Dad, Yeah,
definitely on same page. Okay. Well, we're a family and
(36:58):
sometimes we've got to make sacrifice. And sometimes even if
you don't like doing something, sometimes you just do it
because family are a family. Can we see your idea? Dad?
I mean current? This is the most current I have. Listen, kids,
I know you don't look a lot like me, but
(37:20):
your mom and I have been together since you were born.
It must be that i'm your your father. It must
be We've celebrated every birthday, every Christmas, every holiday. Here's
my high d Look. Look, you keep telling us that,
but I have no memory of any of that stuff.
You don't yet I can't read what this says. Yet.
(37:41):
You cannot be smoking in my car? Okay, I have
sensitive lungs. Please please tell me what to do. I
know exactly what. Okay, don't put that next to my dad, Dad.
I think I think Josh is older than you. Josh, Josh,
I think you're older than Dad. That's true. I'm thirty
seven and a half. I'm thirty seven and three quarters.
(38:10):
Look at me. Look at me, I'm the dad. Now
look at that. Now, Dad, I'm hungry as a wonderful
Alpalca diner around the corner. Okay, great, let me just
see somebody so can let you pop into the is
you real quick? I don't know why we came back here,
but there you go. All right? Okay, and your birth
(38:36):
SI for September just processed me already. Number two, our
final stage. It's from Anthony, who wrote, Hello people, I
have seen suggestion guy who mixes up the words corrugated
(38:58):
and coral did frequently. Thanks, your show is funny. Well
you can see how they're you know, both the ideas
are corrugated, so it's not it's not that hard to understand.
But you know, you know, I wanted what what do
you mean? What do you mean the ideas are corrugated?
I mean that if we're talking about integrating marketing and uh,
(39:22):
you know production. You know, we're trying to get those
two uh just reinforced cardboard. What reinforced cardboard? So it
corrugated corrugated cardboard. Yeah, m hm, no, they're I mean
they're connect trying to go with your analogy, well, I
mean similar to being is it similar to being perforated?
(39:45):
You're saying we can, we can kind of that's core larked.
So it's correlated. That's correlated. Okay, So that's that's what
I want to do. So I want to bridge these
do because they are they are they are corrugated, right,
I mean it might seem not so on paper, but
really in practice, they're they're they're doing the same thing, right,
(40:06):
We're both trying to promote. We're both trying to push
all right, inside socks, and that's the whole thing. Marketing's
got inside socks are doing all the you know, productions
got inside socks are doing everything over there. But why
not bridge the two? Right? Why not? Why not be
able to look, we know we have an incredible product.
Oh no, Hanson, did you lose another job again? I'm
(40:32):
I'm feed you know, I don't have the wherewith all
of my body to go and and do this for myself.
I need my son's help. I know, Mama, I know,
I'll hope you. I promise that. Well, okay, I'll feed you.
I'll feed you. I'll feed you as much food as
(40:53):
you want. All the llamas in the world you can eat.
I just want omeal I'm a simple gal. Yeah, I
just I could. The only thought of that, the most
you know, exquisite meal or the most Hey, Hanson, look,
we can't allow you into the grocery store anymore. Already.
(41:14):
Well we've already caught you shop looking three times and
management I told you I felt okay, and then those
those things just got into my jacket. I can't explain it. It's,
if anything, there's a there's some kind of curse on
you when I went to high school together. Man, I
like you. You're cool, but I can't let you in
here anymore. Can you see that there's a there's a
(41:38):
what can I get a job here? I mean, look,
you're lucky the owners in today. This is hell. Mary.
If you asked me, but you want to talk to
the dead frog, you can talk to the dead frog.
I really appreciate him, and thank you so much. Thank you, man.
I promise you I'm not gonna let you down, all right, don't.
I'm not. I'm not the one in charge. Thank you, man,
Thank you for this opportunity to get off of me. Dude,
(42:00):
thank you. I just want to say, thank you so much, man,
Thank you. My mom My mom's just tied up in
his chair. She's not able to move like that stuff.
I'm trying to try to run a grocery store. Yeah,
uh um. We have a gentleman here who's looking for
a job. I don't know if there's any positions available
for him. Wait a minute, I know that guy you
(42:21):
saw from me, Oh, sir. To be fair, I fell
on it. There's a dimensional rift. There's the curse on
this grocery store. I think we can all agree, okay,
Dan Bryce in the curse on this grocery store from
the ghost of Michigan Jay Frog living in an alternate dimension.
There's infinite versions of me running different types of businesses
(42:42):
and different dimensions. And yeah, until I find closure in
this world, I can't ascend to the next life. But
that's what I want to help you do, sir, because
I mean, I've just being honest as a customer walking
around your displays with registers. I think there's a corrugation there.
I think we're able to integrate a corregation. I'm just
an old crone. I'm not going to put a hex
(43:05):
on this establishment. I just need to get my groceries.
Please let me just let me shop and peace, ma'am, ma'am.
I can't be more clear about this. You gotta get
the hell off property, all right, please, sir. I've already
been outlawed disband from most bodegas. This is the only
option that I have, which, oh God, my good. Okay.
(43:34):
A good portion of our clientele are fairy tale or
otherwise fantastical beings, okay, and they're just there to get
their damn groceries, all right. Because you kicked her out,
she is going to place a hex on the store.
I knew it. God, I knew it, Sir, I knew it.
I knew she was gonna curse this place well because
of you. She is. If you just let her get her,
(43:56):
you know, cans of chili that she's lead again and
always be doesn't mean I know. I'm so sorry, sir,
I bring these curses. I don't know what to see
I'm a curse boy. One more shot. Okay, well, thank you,
thank you so much, sir, I thank you. Hey, Hansen. Um,
(44:17):
so the boss gave me an address and cash to
drive you just in place somebody there. It's just I
don't know. I don't know. You said it yourself. You're
a curse boy, right yeah, okay, So this person is
supposed to help remove the curse. And by that, I
(44:40):
mean you're gonna probably kill this person and their soul
is gonna be able to go and I don't I
don't know. Just be clear. Why is this? So just
be clear about it. Well, here's the address. I don't know.
There's a guy sitting in there. You probably know what
to do. I don't want to shoot this guy or
what what? Hey? Come on? Uh okay, uh does this
(45:05):
gonna take long? It's the full moon's coming out quickly
the radiator. If you don't have the scout cookies, I
guess I could just turn you away right now. But
that's the noise the gun makes when I got car,
(45:26):
Come down, Come down. This is you just gotta do this.
You gotta do this quick because the moon is turning
full right now. Man, I just throwing up. So what
the fun was the money for? Then? I don't know.
(45:47):
I'm trying to putting the dollars in his mouth as
he was throwing up. I thought I was supposed to
plug it personally, still cursed. Did it work? I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know. I shot him in
the lakes. I shot him in the lakes six times.
I hope that was good enough. All right, we're here
back at the store. The doctor. Let me get this straight.
(46:08):
I'm I'm gonna be a werewolf and a wheelchair. Well,
in all, it's actually not so bad. You'll be able
to in wear wolf form, use your front paws uh
to pull yourself and roll it. Actually, it's not. It's
a good situation for you. I mean, obviously better if
you weren't. But I mean it's at the end of
(46:30):
the world. They're gonna make so much fun of me
at monster parties. No, no, no, no, You're gonna be
like half Terminator half werewolf. You're gonna be like the
Power Rangers when they did animals and robots. What part
of the Terminator was in a wheelchair? I don't understand.
(46:50):
It's that you, the back half of you is kind
of machine, like in a good way, like you'll be
faster without your I want to talk to you guys,
because you're supposed to be protecting my image, my records,
my name, and right now I feel like I need
to re record one of my greatest hits because uh,
(47:14):
you know, I'm a starboy and now there's a fucking
curse Boy? Are you out of your mind? Weekend? Look,
I I'm sorry about this. We're doing the best weekend.
This is your job. This is your job to find
people who have similar titles to the ones that I
bestow upon myself and to snuff them out. We can
(47:39):
I understand. Look, everyone on PR is working, everyone on digital,
because everyone on PR and everyone on digital because I'm
seeing on all platforms hashtag Curseboy, hashtag boy and go
go bad. That place close down and it was a palace,
and that it happened star Boy and Curse Boy. They're
(48:00):
not corgated. OKAYRETD. If you don't think there's a corrugation,
then you can get fucked and I can go get
a better PR team. I don't know if you know this,
but um I performed at the Super Bowl. Do you
know that what you're saying, my haunted house needs to
be a a compliant. I have to install the whole
(48:23):
ramp just for one guy to it for the hit
to attend the monster party. You know, I don't like
it either, but those are the facts, man. I I
need to be able to attend, you know, I need
to be able to pal around with the creature from
whatever lagoon. And I can't do that if I can't
get inside the party track. Look, you're a You're a monster,
like two three days a month tops. Okay. It just
(48:47):
so happens that Halloween this year coincide with the full moon. Yeah,
so yeah, so what to invite you? By the rules
of monsters, my monster thing is more of like a
gig based thing. I had to do it once a month.
I get it. It's not a nine to five being
a monster. But you know what's hard, you know, being
a monster and also not being able to like actually
(49:08):
catch anyone that I'm trying to eat, you know, Like
it's tough. Chair, you know, anybody could build it for me? Yeah,
how can I help you? This is gonna sound weird.
I'm listening. I need a souped up chair that can
(49:32):
move faster. But also go upstairs. Hold hold, hold on,
he said, hold said hold on, hold it, holding mask off?
What what fun do you just say to me? I
need a chair that's faster, but also goes upstairs. It's faster,
(49:57):
also goes upstairs. Follow me? I can't did he did?
He say? Old it? Yeah, make it, make it older? No, No,
he said hold it like he wanted. I think I
was trying to listen to what he was saying. He
(50:17):
was trying to get us to hold our our You
know how loud welding and iron work sucks. Man, fut
working here? Man, Listen, it's a better workplace, and you
give a credit for like where else could you get
your hands dirty working on iron, sweat and blood and
tears and working with correlated steel? Every correlated correlated steel? Yeah,
(50:42):
correlated steel, correlated iron, tin, aluminum, it's correlated to all
those steels. Okay, that track, that track, thank you. We
should be lucky that we have this job. All right,
we're wolf. I've sembled a team here now this. You
might recognize this team as the PR team for Weekend. Um.
(51:07):
They've left. They've left the Weekend and they are now
working for me. Butcher is so, h did you finish? Butcher?
I let think I'm high on right now? Is I'm high?
I'm getting this guy some wheels, some wheels of steel,
(51:29):
real wheels of steel. That would be great. But first
of all, you don't have to call me where well,
if you can call me Rick, that's my name. But
you know it's not like I would call you publicists
have it like Gary or whatever? You know what I mean? Well, look,
we're your butchers. We are excited for this opportunity, isn't
that right? Team? Now, we have some documents here, we
(51:51):
have some PDFs here for you. We've got a couple
of slides for you butchers. What you know what I'm saying, like,
what is it? There's your feet there? Yeah, I don't
even know what that was supposed to be doing it
like welding would would be like that'd be like my
top choice, you name it. Yeah, all the correlated steals
(52:15):
what you know? But I would say what you were saying,
you should steals? Yeah? Uh, Hanson, I've got some bad news.
What's going on? Your mom passed? She starved to death
(52:36):
because I couldn't hold down a job. I'm so sorry.
I was just finishing up here at dead frogs. I
don't understand she she died you? What do you mean
she's she's alive, she's fine. Almost don't need the rent.
She she's dead, she starved? You know what? The right?
(52:58):
Just why you go ahead and read this? This is
for you. We still need the rent. We still need
the rent. Can we still leave the huh? Tell him?
We still need this is all corrugated, all right? We
just what is your what is your? What is your?
(53:20):
Fat twins saying what is he? We're sorry, but we
still need the rent, need the rent. Buddy? Are you
talking to me? Oh God, I'm trying help me up
(53:47):
up the stairs. Just crushed this tiny motorcycle. I guess
I'll read this will weekend weekend? Are you? Are you
are able to perform and still be a powerhouse performer?
Why even asking me a stupid fucking question? Because you've
fallen out of like, you know, pop culture and the
(54:09):
site guys in general. Do you know that I performed
at the super Bowl? All right, later, man, I'll talk
to you later then, dude, come on, we can. We
got your e back? You got my e back? Yes,
that that you lost at the beginning of your career.
We've been looking all over for it. My my ecstasy. Yes, yes,
(54:32):
of course, not the E and your stylized name. We
wouldn't change that. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you
my ecstasy. Good good, good good. I have been missing.
This is the very beginning of my career, and I
must puppet right now. Pup baby. Uh we can look.
We know you're a giant celebrity, but stage time is
(54:53):
very scarce here, and you're high. It's fun. I don't
think we can let you go up. Come on, I'm
just asking for the Dragon Room, the Dungeon room, the
just put me in the I don't care. Just the
Dragon Room is really dangerous. But the audiences are pretty hot. Yeah,
I like that. I like hot people. I'm hot person myself.
I can dance all over that place and give it
(55:15):
to me, give it to me good. I'm gonna look crazy,
I'm gonna look confused, and I'm gonna put it everywhere.
Come on, man, Okay, I can give you fifteen minutes
after Smog finishes this set. Okay, I like that. Yeah,
that's good for me. All right, Well just head out
down to the Dragon Room. Okay, that was Smog. Everyone
(55:36):
smog from Middle Earth. He's got a soft spot on
his underbelly. H don't don't try to kill him there.
And now let's give it up for the weekend. Do
you do you ever? I know we should be singing,
(55:57):
but I thought not try out comedy? Right? You want
to look at your hands and they look like um,
just flippers, like they just look like one solid piece
that could probably navigate through water pretty well. But don't
let you fly? Does that? Sorry sir, Sorry sir, The
(56:19):
show has already started. Do your id show has already begun.
I yes this, I'm whispering as quiet as I can.
I'm here to see the weekend. I'm here to see Okay,
I'm here to see the weekend. Here's my I d okay,
even see that here? Okay? Florida. Yeah, it's just state
(56:39):
in the United States accounts. Oh, it counts. It's not weird.
It's one of the fifty. Fuck. I love this punchline.
I love this punchline. Hold on, let me hear then,
and then he ate it in his ass, he ate
it in anyway. Okay, So I didn't hear the sentence.
I didn't hear. I sat, I'm gonna have to send
(57:01):
you to processing really quickly, okay, because they're still processing here.
There's been a good there's been a big corrugation between
people who are breaking in the comedy clubs and people
who are stealing. Yeah, okay, okay, can we do it quick.
I'd like to catch at least some of the set.
Hold on, watch check this out, check this out, Listen
to this setup. Listen to the set, and I can't
(57:21):
feel my face, so it gets fun different. But you
can't get me to the processing broom. Okay, welcome to
this room here. Okay, so there's a dead frog in there.
Just resrespectunds nice, it doesn't matter. Okay, Oh I can't
feel on my face when I'm with you. Yes, let's
(57:47):
see whatever it is up to say goodbye? It ever there?
Christol Alorado, Oh my gosh, thank you so much. That
was so much fun. Love playing with you all. Um.
Took out my other podcast, The Comedy Fix. You know,
it's like a philosophical podcast about come do you know how?
Asking all the right questions I'm figuring out none of
the answers that felt like a that felt like a
Jackie Ruthy character. It's pretty good. Jackie Dorothy here I am. Yes,
(58:13):
thank you for that, Chris. Guys, thanks for having me.
This is so much fun. Uh. I'm still at Jackie
Druthy on all Boards, on all Around, and you know
I'm www dot Jackie Gonzalez Ruthy dot com. Can you
believe it? I can't. I mean I can't, but I can't. Sorry, Jackie.
Didn't you win Alchemy of the I did? I want Alchemy?
(58:36):
That great podcast. If you like this podcast, take a listen,
And I did win alchem Alchemists of the Week. And
let me tell you. When you do that, they make
you like a little beautiful plaque and they really nailed
like a manta, like a little It was a lot
of pictures of me, a collage, that's what it is.
But then it was also like little stickers of the
(58:59):
Miami he there was a big bing Cross Crosby singing
Christmas and then there was this like alien um like
Gangly Dancer and that I was like, Wow, they really
know me, and I don't know how they would know,
but that's how I move that they do. Thank you Chris,
(59:21):
and shout out to Alchemy that for sure. Congratulations, you
know I want it one day. Everybody else has several,
but you know it's okay. Print up paper was side
and I read it. This is your episode, This is
your James ten everybody, Jake, thanks for tuning, and is
it too soon to announce the show that we have
(59:43):
coming up live on the internet. I'll wait for Craig's
term because he probably knows the most about it. Um alright, well,
I think it's April twenty seven. Ye. Yeah, it's gonna
be uh you know what if you if you want,
(01:00:05):
you can check out the real James Need dot com.
It'll be on my calendar once I hear from uh
somebody now when it isn't what time it is? That
was my thing. Well, we're gonna do a live Alchemy
show for the Austin Sketch Fest and let's let me
(01:00:25):
get that day in time for you. Well, well, Joey
Grit Talks Joey Hello. Check out Alchemy this on Instagram.
We also gotta reddit Alchemy this pod on Reddit. If
you want to go out there and I don't know,
talk about you know, what's going on, James Jacket, You
know you really want to muse about that and maybe
(01:00:45):
get to the core of it, because I think it's American,
but it's also it looks like the Union Jack. It
looks like the pants I got onto a Really, I'm
really dressed up today. Yeah, you look like you're like
we're working your way up as an Olympic coach, you know,
I mean, he just like we want to show up.
You're an assistant, but you're gonna get there one day.
You're gonna get the one day. Um So that's about it.
(01:01:07):
Check us out on the sociules like and subscribe to
whatever the hell is available to do that, and I
and per James write a review. Give us those stars
that help please Saturday April four, five thirty Pacific, seventh
thirty Central, eight thirty Eastern and then sometime and other
time zoned. I'm at col Stratton at Stratton Cold depending
(01:01:31):
on the service. But as sketchest dot com, retfest pot
clips or past videos give us a float. But we
can do another life Festival hopefully in January two. Let's
thank our engineer, producer Doug Bame and the fine folks
at iHeart Media dot com. Please write to us at
(01:01:51):
your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your
name here at alchemystime until next time, I'll
Welcome back to another episode of This Code. I'm your host,
cool Strat and for cacabolic cost met her out for
today Shelby. First up, it's Chris Alvarado. Hey Chris, what's
your go to song for driving up? My goes down
on a sunny day? Um? So I just recently discovered Spotify.
(00:24):
You guy should check this thing out. Yeah, I'm not
kidding you. I really did. Um yeah, I just like
I don't know, like I heard of it if I
never used it, and I certainly was gonna pay for it.
So because of that, I had listened to music and years,
to be honest, just a lot of podcasts and stuff.
So then so then my fiance is like, no, you
have to have you have to have Spotify. So she
(00:44):
did this like family plan, gave it to me and
I don't know what to do with it. Oh my god,
my whole life has changed. And lately I've been listening
to this song Helen Back by Bakar. I don't know
if I'm saying that right. It's just like it starts
off with a whistle. I love a sube starts up
with a whistle. You know, dude, do do do do
do do do Do Do So, I'm just feeling really
(01:04):
good about that song right now. Nice follow up question
because he didn't listen to music. What was your go
to podcast for a sunny day with the windows down? Alchemy?
This baby Nice? Next up it's Mr James Heeney. James,
what's your favorite roller coaster? A thrill ride? I like
the X two at six Flags Magic Mountain. You get
(01:29):
speakers in your in your roller coaster and you get
to pick from the songs that you want to play
that I guess go along with the track. Uh, it's
hard to tell, but it was also the roller coaster
that made it so I could no longer go well
one of them that I can't go to six Flags anymore?
You know that that was the X two is the
(01:51):
best of the x Mence franch guys, let's be honest. Yes, yes, uh.
Next up it's Jackie to Ruthie. Jackie, it would be
your dream holiday if money with no limit, um holiday
being vacation or um money is no limit. You know
(02:14):
done it before and I'm going to do it, but
I've never done it with no money limit. You know,
I've been on a strict budget. I'd like to go
back to Spain and just blow it all baby um
all being the people, they're just kidding My money money,
(02:35):
and I want to go everywhere, take the train. I
want to go to the cities, but I also want
to go to the beaches so I can get like
a little taste of of all the different vacations and
a little taste of just a little shorts borg um
because I've got great meat there. It's all about the meat, alright, alright, uh,
(02:59):
great getkowski Greig. If you were to try something to
get in the Guinness Book, what would it be? M M.
I mean those twins, those fat twins on motorbikes are
awfully cocky. They've held that record for a while. And
so I think I need to get a lot of
(03:20):
weight and uh and find my twin and also convinced
them to gain a lot of weight if they haven't already.
So I think that's the one nice and then you
can go to Europe and blow everyone. Finally, Mr Joey Greer, Joey,
it's St. Patrick's day when we're recording this, and I
(03:41):
hear you wrote a new book of Irish poetry. Here
an excerpt. Sure this is not crazy? I mean, I
wasn't expecting to be talking about it, but cool. Thank
you so much for bringing it up. It's actually gonna
be on sale soon. Chris slash overa dot com. I
have my books on there, so please just go check
that out. But this one's called Whispers from the Western
(04:05):
Wind and that's the title of the book. And these
are all different poems and and thoughts and musings that
the one would have on the western winds on the
shores of Ireland, the Emerald Isle. And if people are
familiar with the western winds of Ireland, just a little
side now before I get into the actual poetry, that's
actually some of the strongest winds in the world. And uh,
(04:25):
it actually go completely shape a topography of the country itself.
And uh Ireland, even though it's an island right off
the coast of the UK on the western side or
left side, if you're looking at a map, it's uh,
it's it's buffeted before you get to the actual island
of the UK and the poem, I think, well, we're
(04:47):
awf a lot of time, so you can say it
for the next episode. Just geared on all right, Sorry,
I just want to give the backstory guys. Guys, guys,
that was the poem. Go all right, let's do a show,
shall we. All of our scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails,
or from our Patreon va p s. To become a
(05:09):
Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content and
other perks, just head on over to Patreon dot com
slash alchemy this. You'd like to submit a scene suggestion
via email, please write to the podcast at your name
here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here
at alchemy. Seen one comes from Tucker, who wrote, Hello Alchemists.
(05:31):
Over the holiday season, I've being almost all the episodes
in your back catalog, and now every thought I have
is the voice of Jevy Grieber. Has been a pleasant
kind of hell. I even listened to the first episode
of fan podcast that has reminded of the old saying
analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. A few people
are interested in the frog dies of it, which brings
(05:52):
me to my scene suggestion. A comedy club run by
a dead frog. Tucker from Queens. Let me just talk
to him. Okay, let me just allright, listen, get out there, man,
then everybody, man, he look man, Look, look, if you
(06:16):
keep doing it in time. Man, I'm one of the
guys putting in I know we know who you are
dead from all right, that's who That's who he is,
Jesus Christ. I'm at it here, man puts club sucks.
Shut up? Uh, sir? What's all this noise outside my office? Um? Sorry, sorry,
(06:39):
that's just another comic. They want more time. All the
comics want more time. Yeah, I know, I know, and
and you know they they're gonna be upset because they
feel like they're putting in time here and the putting
in work here, and they feel like they're getting they're
not getting, you know, the stage time they want. I
don't know what to do, sir. Are you uh you
(07:00):
hinting that you want some time Thayland? I mean, I've
just I wouldn't come right out and say that I
also work for you. I know I'm on the payroll here,
but if you felt that I deserved it, I feel like,
you know, five ten, fifteen, I could be a closer.
I could be a closer in the in the dungeon room.
You know. Um, I got some alternative stuff that dungeon
(07:21):
room closed. It needs to do two hours you have
two hours of material Thailand, No, sir, not strong, not strong,
not strong exactly, not strong. Why don't I work up
a type five first and then you can build up
the closing. Yes, a lot of people don't take me
seriously because I'm a dead frog. Yeah, yeah, I do.
(07:42):
We do. I do. I mean your community does, sir. Um.
As a matter of fact, we have somebody waiting for
you outside. Um. She's a celebrity. She's so, she's looking
to do a national tour, wants to know if she
can stop right here. I told her I'd see if
you have time to talk to the mystery who is it?
Just just drop the name. You know her, You've seen her,
(08:03):
you probably love her. I'll let her in and um
high um. I was the celebrity um wondering if I
could book some time on the stage, but preferably not
in the dungeon room, as I have been held captive
in a dungeon before, and although it led me to
(08:24):
finding my true love, it still is very triggering to
me to be there. If there's not like a beast
who's um like keeping me but also protecting me. So
if we could um give me one of the other rooms.
I get it. I get it. Uh. First of all,
I'm tremendously impressed that you know who I am and
who my club is, because I'm a big fan of
(08:45):
your work and your fan of yours. A minute that
you didn't start showing up before movies singing and dancing,
I thought, oh, no, has he died? And yes he has,
but he is not gone forever. The fact that you
own this club is so impressive to me. Yeah, I'm
a second dance, a frog who died, and I'm here
(09:07):
running a comedy club. Uh. Somehow I'm you know, I
think I probably have uh some business that that I'm
not aware of that needs to be settled before I'm
able to ascend to the next life. But right now,
my my spirit haunts this world. Uh, Edward, could you
(09:28):
come into my classroom really quick? Yeah? Yeah, Well, Edward,
we're missing one of our frogs. Uh. Why why are
you automatically asking me? Huh yeah, my teacher's assistant, Edward,
I expect you to make sure that every single class
is prepared and ready for our lessons, and I need
(09:52):
you to track down this missing dead frog. Right. I'll
get on and miss dress and door f But excuse me.
Hold on one second, don't go anywhere this is This
is a tablet and there's a GPS. Do you see
that little dot? Yeah, that's where the frog is. That's
(10:12):
where the frog is. Dude, What do you do with
that fucking frog? Dude? Just because that owner didn't let
you play this club doesn't mean you need to be
a fucking sickle about it. Man. You shut the hell up. Man,
you don't know what the hell is going on. Man,
all right, you're you're hiking. Yeah, Hi, dude, I'm high
on facts. I'm high one that's worse. I'd rather you
do fucking smack. No, man, dude, I kicked that. Dude.
(10:35):
I'm proud of myself for kicking that. Man. All right,
and so okay, so just walking to the plan again.
What are you gonna do with this frog? Now, I'll
think what we're gonna do? No, open it. What are
you gonna do again? But we're gonna do it. I
mean I'm saying that as a royal thing. But me
and you are okay, go look dude, you're not stopping me.
(10:56):
Did You're in accessory to the fact and after all right,
so you're gonna work at this point, I'm only accessory
to youse stilling a frog room at school. That's not
that big of a deal. But what you're gonna do next,
I don't know if I want to be a part
of it. Oh, you do want to be a part
of it, because I'm gonna open a portal, a rift
in another dimension. It's gonna hatch just a spirit of
this frog facts. Again, you're high on fast now. I
(11:17):
know you specifically said you don't want to play the
dungeon rooms because of because of past trauma and whatnot.
But everyone starts in the dungeon room. I mean, it's
just it's just the way that things go here. It's
a policy, and uh, you know that the other comics
that didn't complain if I've been the rules for a
celebrity such as yourself, well that's the thing. Everyone starts there,
(11:38):
but not everyone's a celebrity. So I think that we
can make some kind of agreement. No, I look, I
hear you, I hear you. My hands are tied here.
You gotta play the dungeon room. You did say if
there's some sort of creature that that might help, right,
I mean, listen tormenting you, But also protecting, but also protecting.
(12:01):
He's tormenting, but he's protecting and preferably a beast, you know,
like a beast like creature. Sorry, it's Tyler interrupt Um.
Just something I want to show you. Seems kind of weird.
There's a new Instagram account that was just started by
well by a dead frog starting a new comedy club
(12:23):
where I'm just saying that maybe you might want to
check it out. What's the handle Boin Goes. Boin Goes
is the comedy club or the Instagram accounts or that's
what I don't understand. It's a little straight and Boinles
sounds like a comedy club to me, not that that's
a good comedy club name Boin Goes. Anyway, I'm just
wanna I'm wanna need more frogs, okay, because this dead
(12:45):
frog is bloated and it's starting to stink. Infessor all right,
and we're gonna keep up appearances. Is if I get
a parade the frogs in here? Okay? So so so so,
so what do you want to do? The man? I
mean more frogs. We told need more than frogs and
where to get those? Every every science class? Look, I
(13:06):
can't give you guys any more dead frogs dressing. Dofer
has got sensors and all of them. She can track
them all. I gave you the one I can't give
you of army. We're not asking you man. Oh my god.
Is that a letter opener? Yes? Yeah, and he can
make any knows he wants when he opens that bad
boy up. Don't you mess with this or I you understand? Alright, alright, alright,
(13:27):
but I gotta do it casually a couple of a time.
I mean I can't a couple out of times I asked.
I need truckloads. And listen, you're gonna get your time.
You're gonna you're gonna be pat You're gonna you're not
gonna be an open micro anymore. Okay, Mrs Door for yes,
all right, Yes, I don't have the homework. Uh. I
(13:50):
don't have a dog. It's it's not like a dog
ate it. But I don't know it just kind of
My frog is gone. My frog disappeared. Wait a second,
your frog disappeared. When did it disappear? My frog's going
to do what your frog? Everybody everybody calmed down. Edward Edward, Yeah, yeah,
Mrs Edward, there's more frogs missing. Today's the day we're
(14:17):
supposed to be pinning and slicing today, Edward, what do
you want me to do? I'm not sure. Just in
door from maybe we could find something else to dissect.
I'm not sure I can get all these frogs. There's
so many little dots on the censor. I can't track
them all down. Well, Jimmy's kind of like a weirdo.
We could probably pin him and dice him up, right, Jimmy,
(14:38):
Hi there, So I'm Tyler. I'm the assistant of the
comedy club here. So you are the beast we ordered
right now. It's very important to our celebrity that you
not only torment her, but you also what is it here?
Protect her? Are you are typically only torment understood? Look,
(14:59):
this is the gig, man, this is the gig. Either
either you're entering or out. Alright, alright? How well, actually
the celebrities right here? Do you want to speak to her?
And you guys can maybe you know, see if there's
a report, you know, I'll just let you in. Just
let you in, okay, thank you? Hello, Hello, you must
(15:24):
be the celebrity. You can call me though, and I
can call you. Sorry, it's a mean thing. I'm I'm
just kind of trying to compensate. I'll call you maurice,
(15:46):
I mean beast. That's fine, okay, alright, So typically I
just claw and bite and rip and tear. I guess
I'm supposed to Hello, good evening everyone, and welcome to
croaks and yucks. Uh you're here. I'm that dog general.
(16:08):
I of course I have the ghost of Michigan Jay Frog.
And uh, pay no attention to this beast. He's merely
here to and to protect celebrity this evening. So let's
give it up. She's leaving her provincial life and doing
two hours of solid stand up here in the dungeon room.
(16:28):
Please welcome bow. Are you ready to love? Please give
it up for me, Give it up for me. Thank you, dude.
There's no more fucking frogs. Can you just start the
club already with the start the club? All right? Okay?
(16:51):
Do you sing? Before I can finally let my project go.
I need to get this ruse as a ruse in
an old French asshole, A looking high? Are you freaking
high again? Oh? Man? I kicked the drugs man all right,
and I took on ancient tombs ancient history lore. Look
at yourself. You're laying in a bathroom full of dead frogs. Man,
(17:14):
better problem you jelly yeah to me, I am hello.
I've heard that there's stage time. No one Mike's like Gaston. Look, Gaston,
I told you so many times. Look, you're you're you're handsome. Uh,
you're tall, You're way too handsome for comedy. Though it
(17:35):
doesn't work. It doesn't work, But I write what I know.
I'm observational. Alright, Look, it's been a while since I've
seen your stuff. Can you just give me, you know,
two or three minutes of what you're doing right now? Sure? Hey, uh,
you ever noticed that Lafou is always there? You know,
like everywhere you go, there's laf am I right right,
(17:58):
all right, what the hell is this? I'm nicky? Shit,
you're letting all these other guys go. I got a
treck workord here. Okay, I'm little shit, I'm I'm a
comic here. Oh I just shipped myself. Come on, let's look. Look. Look,
I don't know what to tell you. The boss is busy.
If you're so hot, why don't your head over the
boinos we're the boingoes. Huhya, I'll go to Boines. I'm
(18:22):
gonna take me and my two thousand followers and we're
gonna go to Boin Goes. Yeah, have fun. Hey, excuse me,
just wt me sure I got this red. I'm here
to see belt. It costs six eggs to get in.
That's too expensive. She's a celebrity. Hey, Jimmy, here is
a cheat. And if you all believe that cheats don't
(18:46):
belong in this classroom, then we've got to kill the cheat,
saying class, okay, there's a scientific method. There's a scientific
method to this. Okay, you've got a lot of good points.
That's my thesis. I backed it up with proof. Here's
my final statement. Let's get the cheat. Okay, Well, I
(19:11):
guess we're gonna need to Can I see something, Jimmy,
this is not like you are not allowed to talk yet.
I want to hear out of the cage. Jimmy, We're
gonna put Famel to hide in there if you're not careful. Alright, class,
let's have a vote. Alright, you weren't fucking friends. All right,
(19:34):
there's your fucking roads. Can we go now? One second
and just one second, let me just wait touching yourself
because I just want to I want to feel man,
I want to be fucking real with this. Dad, you're
high again? So what I got high? Yeah? I'm high? Okay, Yeah,
I'm high. Alright. Yes, I like drugs. They make me
(19:56):
feel good, they even me out. Alright, I got a
chemical and balance. I need this ship. I didn't know that, alright, undiagnosed, undiagnosed,
all right, but I need So what's the plan, now,
glad as we take this rose and we fucking burn it.
That's Bell. Everyone give it up for Bell. And now
(20:18):
here's the very specific, limited appeal observational comedy of guess tong. Alright,
keep it going from Bell, everybody, and keep going from Michigan.
What a club? What a club? What a club? At
least we're not a boy goes in my right. People
who has a mirror, they always look at what are
(20:40):
you doing? Leave him alone? He's a performing stand up.
Neither one prepared, beauty and the place. I'm a sad heaven.
(21:02):
That was the and that's our first scene. Oh boy boy,
there must be something there that wasn't there before. Number two.
It's from Patreon, Alcmedia David Roger who wrote, Hello, this
(21:24):
is Marvin and room for em twelve love love, love
you all see a suggestion a family trip to the zoo,
or so they thought. Ok, I'm just gonna need to
see your I D. Well, I'm the only adults. So
here's my high tea. That was a really way weird
(21:47):
way to introduce yourself. Just you said you need to
see I D. These are children. Children don't carry I
D s have got one I D. Here you go,
just take it. I'm starting to think that they're actually adults,
adults kids. How many of you are over over twelve?
None of us? None of right, no, yeah, okay, so
(22:12):
just take my I D. Please, So once you come
with me looking at my dad's I D D. My kids,
those are my kids. I understand that. But we can't
have just anybody walking in here saying in some kind
of strange way, here's my idea. No one else has idea.
I mean, I'm assuming they're kids and they don't have
(22:32):
I D. The way you said it was just so
loaded and so and you hear me, uh huh. He
was just so loaded insane that we're gonna have to
process you all right, So right this way, right, this
is the process in the room. Please have a seat. Please,
somebody should be watching my kids. We're gonna stripe down
your arms and legs. It's just to be safe. Just everyone.
(22:54):
The wrist. I my fingers cut the ut the light
it are okay. Now you can't see me, but you
can hear me, right, yeah, yeah? What are you doing
you with those adult kids? They're not adults. They're under
eight teen. Okay, they're under eight teen, but they're over
child age. Okay, so they are okay, so they should
(23:16):
probably paying full price tickets, is that right? Please? My
fingers are turning purple. I can tell that right. Should
they be paying full price to see? We have a
a couple of them? Okay, alright, Bobby, lights back on. Please,
fingers are really purple. You're trapping you now, they're tingly.
(23:36):
Here's a couple of minutes ting it for free. I'm
giving the maps for free. There is a lama today.
They're only in comp for a short while to make
sure you pay the desk. Have you seen this guy
right here? His fingers are turning purple. Yeah, that's me
just on his wrist. I don't know his fingers are
turning purple. You ever see these mirrors, these two way mirrors. Yeah, yeah,
they were just wondered, like, uh, up of the mirrors?
(23:58):
Can they see can they see us? And kind like, um,
can of cut my no? Yes? Yes, um, but only
for the first time, so really doesn't count. It doesn't
really count because I've never actually done it before. But
I think it counts more if you're high for the
first time. Okay, Well, sometimes someone gives you some gummies
(24:25):
to relax you, but it just kind of hypes you
out a little bit. You know, when you hear your
neighbor getting brutalized, you can't really sleep for a few days,
you know, so so then your best friend drives over
and says, this really helps me in times, you know,
(24:45):
sometimes have a hard time. So then they just give you,
like a little a little something chewy on. I saw
that on the news. It looked like from the reports,
they said, it would look like your name was tore
up by a beast or something. Yeah. Yeah, that that
that was the only thing that they could really um
even try to like explain it. You know, it's like this,
this doesn't look human, This looks messed up. Um, this
(25:07):
looks inhumane. And inhuman. So they break this guy, yet
he still uh still tied in. I still thought in
his fingers with turning purple doesn't make sense to me.
It's it's a whole risk job. But you know, yeah,
I brought you guys some mackerel that you know you've
been in here for a while. Thank you. The funny
(25:29):
thing is that we don't have fingers, so like I
don't know, you know what I mean, Like if you
tied us, we we know what would get purple. It's
the bottom of our flippers questions, So we don't really
step right up, step right up, Children of old ages,
the travel like Lama exhibit here at this zoom for
two nights only, and then we gotta get back on
(25:50):
the road. Lamas from South America. They're not alpacas, they're
not vacubias. There are two lamas right up? Dad, can't we? Dad?
Can we? Well? I was told this is something we
can We're gonna see the lamas. We're gonna see the lamas.
It's just that I've been told that we gotta pay
full price. Let me just look at the Okay, you
(26:12):
guys are just we'll just go for adults and at
the pricing board. My friend. Uh yeah, I just it's
just that I need three adult tickets, I guess, but
I don't really do see it's three adult ideas. Well,
here's the thing discounts. Oh there's an adult discount. Yes, children,
(26:37):
adults are half price with a buddy. Buddy, Yeah, buddy,
you want some fake I d s. I think this
guy can hear you. Let's step away for something. You
can't stay, stay up close and don't go anywhere. All right,
you got a dad, alright, what's what's so? What's the
(27:00):
old he's seventeen and a half. Jeez, he's Harry's Hill.
Yeah he I don't know what side of the family
that comes from anyway, not dad, I'm sorry, trying to
do a business transaction. Yes, maybe we should just go
(27:21):
we get carded and have to pay admission that every
animal we go to. No, no, no, no, I've got
a I got a good solution. Just stick with your
brothers for a second. Alright, I'll go to dad. I
don't think you're supposed to smoke in here. I don't
think anybody's I just want to put it on the
record that I said before I didn't wasn't interested in
(27:42):
the llama's case, I actually very much. So Okay, that's
a lot of tickets. Okay, okay, alright, co simply brothers.
Go see with the brothers. Alright, I need four fake
I D s. I can do that. I can do that.
Wre I blame, all right, But first things first, let
(28:03):
me see you're you're not a cop, are you? Of
course I'm not a fucking cop. Alright, but I gotta
know what idea more you you want to make? You
gotta stay, I gotta keep them. Here's my I T alright, Florida. Okay,
looking good? Oh thank you? This is outdated, um not
(28:24):
five by very much. That's what I'm able to fly
with this so well, right up, step right up, last
chance to see the lava. I gotta get those fake
Ida s. Come on, I know, of course, but look,
first things first, we had to update your idea. Okay,
these things, I mean there's the same. Okay, so four
I T s four IDs. But quick the lamas. You
(28:47):
already said four ideas, you're gonna need five one for yourself. Listen, Fred,
we like you, we like your lamas. They're just not
bringing in the sales that you promised. They would bring in.
And look, this is a business first and foremost. You
understand me. Understood, understood, friend. Look, the lamas don't do tricks.
(29:07):
They're not tradeable. They just sit there and eat. Hey, look,
if you don't bring in the percentage you promised, you know,
I'm gonna have to fulfill the promise I made in
the contract, the Lama contract I recalled the Lama contract.
So unless you want to be eating Lama stew tonight,
(29:31):
you better get those sales up. You're saying you're gonna
kill my lamas and feed them. Doing to you and
only you. You're saying that I'm gonna run out of
money and then I'm gonna have to kill my own
lamas and eat them because I'm starving the former for
the former. You're gonna kill my laws, Fred, baby, I mean,
you should have read this contract before you signed it.
This is nuts. I mean, the language of the zoo
(29:53):
uses is just crazy stuff, your buddy, All right, let
me go through this with you. I mean, this is
this is pretty ironclad. Alright, there's not much we can
do with this, okay, unless you come up with they're
gonna be able to do so much. Crazy ship the
lamas and I would put up twenty dollars. I just
didn't look. They said it to me. That's an electronic
(30:15):
talking about I just clicked. I just clicked and clicked. Baby,
you can't just have any signature and think it's all grave. Okay,
this stuff is bunny service. What about it? You just click? Yes?
Except oh great, they sell all your personal data. Let
me take something that happened to me. Let me tell you, Fred,
I can't loan you twenty dollars, okay, Like Marmoset Magic
(30:38):
closed and I had to eat my marmosets. I have
no money coming in. Oh no, but but Marmoset Magic
it was. It was the top grossing touring adimal act
for years. What happened one of the marmos that's gave
away its secrets and nobody wanted to see the show anymore.
And I had to. I had to fry him up
and I had to put him on a brie of fun.
(31:00):
This was the only option. That was the only option.
It Tarder doesn't even match. Just not Steve Foods. The boy.
I gotta kid who threw up away? I needed to
clean up with your feet. I gotta go hamster boy.
Well that was part of the contract. I had to
eat my mom's that's none. They had to splice my
DNA with the hamstting. Now I'm like half and half.
(31:22):
I thought you look different. Yes, yes, this pandemic. So dad,
what's the deal I'm getting in hert? This doesn't look
like me at all. This isn't it's I mean, nobody's
gonna be able to tell this is a zoo. Okay,
I can't produce this name evo, it's I can't do that. Okay,
(31:47):
come on, just take the I T. What's someone? What's what?
Sign is somebody? If they're born October one? Libra? Come on,
let's go, guys, don't we don't want to miss the
al right, guys, all right, it looks like we had
some people here right to see the long is six.
We talked to the other guy. Where's the are you?
You're the same traveling I'm the Lama tour right here.
(32:08):
So I'm actually just some part of the zoo. But
anytime there's a traveling exhibit, wait, hold on, you just
have a you have a post it on your shirt
that says zoo. Yeah, we're running a little a little
thin right now. So you know, I had to give
my shirt up to one of the most senior members.
They forgot the shirt. So, yeah, I'm an adult and
this is my adult idea and these are my children
(32:29):
with children idea. So we'd like to get the kids discount. Interesting,
what a weird way to say. I mean, it's just
trying to cut to the chase. We want to see
the llamas before they leave. Please, could you please going
to have to process? Wait? Wait, you haven't been in
(32:56):
this sir. Sure you have not been in this room before.
He Well, it looks similar because it was all dark
last time. Understood. But we are the okay, but we
still have our own standards over here. Okay, okay, you're
just being You thought you got this with the same Loma. Guy.
I didn't know. I mean I didn't know. I do Okay,
I'm sitting kids are right there. Wait, not those, Danny,
(33:22):
get the line's blaze. No, my hands get so cold
in here. Please all right, all right, now you listen
to me. You see that you see that two way
mirror right there? Uh it's two ways? Yeah, you see
that mirror right there? I see I see a mirror. Okay,
that's two ways. Now, you don't know what kind of
(33:44):
fucked up the house to keep pointing, I don't know,
but I want to go in there and just slap
the guy's face a bunch, just pink pung them between
my my flips. Yeah, that's all I want to do. Yeah,
imagine this. Imagine this. I slap him so much he
falls and then I belly slide on his whole body
(34:04):
and then but then I land, like I get stuck
kind on his face, so then he is fixiates a
little bit. Nobody scary for him. It's pretty dark. It's
been dark these days. Yeah, it's been dark, for sure.
It's been dark. It's hard to come out and see
the light after you've been just suffocated with darkness. Yeah. Yeah,
(34:26):
I just want to say my I'm sorry that after
your family got eaten by that ORCA. You know I didn't.
Yeah hard, you know, it's another hard day. It's like,
can I get a break? All right? We'll give you
a couple of minutes to say goodbye okay to the Llamas,
(34:47):
and you know, just let me know when you're ready.
I'll be running on the wheel over there. Oh okay, Louise,
you're a good Lama. I tried to trade you. You
did nothing. Look at your dumb Lama face. You don't
even understand what's happening. Uh, I'm gonna have to eat
(35:09):
you in a gamey stew All the all the spice
in the world, it's start gonna wait. Hold up, we've
got money. We want to see the Lamas. We want
to see the Lavas. I wanted the Lamas. Do respite, respite, yes,
(35:31):
hold on, hold on friend, hold on love here, take
my money here, take my money here, dollars Fred, Fred,
wake up, baby, come wake up, God God, Oh I
hate the ball didn't I hate them all? Baby? Come on, buddy. Look,
(35:54):
you can't sleep in my car anymore. You're gonna have
to fund a place. Louise. He actually was tinder. He
wasn't gave me at all. It was so good. Fred,
I don't need to hear this, Okay, I don't need
to hear this. All right, I've hooked. You've got to
fly me to Peru. I need more. Get off of me.
Get off of me, Fred, and get off of mean.
(36:16):
Look I gave you enough money. I give you more
than enough advice. All right, you need to live in
your own ship. But I'll do you one favor. I'll
grant you one wish. You want to go to Peru?
You got it? Okay, are you are you a genie? Hey? Dad? Um,
we were talking and um, we don't think we want
(36:37):
to spend weekends with you anymore. Oh oh, but we
have a great time. Your mom's a boring, boring woman
no time. Do you all think we're not having a
great time. We're not having We all agree, Dad, Yeah,
definitely on same page. Okay. Well, we're a family and
(36:58):
sometimes we've got to make sacrifice. And sometimes even if
you don't like doing something, sometimes you just do it
because family are a family. Can we see your idea? Dad?
I mean current? This is the most current I have. Listen, kids,
I know you don't look a lot like me, but
(37:20):
your mom and I have been together since you were born.
It must be that i'm your your father. It must
be We've celebrated every birthday, every Christmas, every holiday. Here's
my high d Look. Look, you keep telling us that,
but I have no memory of any of that stuff.
You don't yet I can't read what this says. Yet.
(37:41):
You cannot be smoking in my car? Okay, I have
sensitive lungs. Please please tell me what to do. I
know exactly what. Okay, don't put that next to my dad, Dad.
I think I think Josh is older than you. Josh, Josh,
I think you're older than Dad. That's true. I'm thirty
seven and a half. I'm thirty seven and three quarters.
(38:10):
Look at me. Look at me, I'm the dad. Now
look at that. Now, Dad, I'm hungry as a wonderful
Alpalca diner around the corner. Okay, great, let me just
see somebody so can let you pop into the is
you real quick? I don't know why we came back here,
but there you go. All right? Okay, and your birth
(38:36):
SI for September just processed me already. Number two, our
final stage. It's from Anthony, who wrote, Hello people, I
have seen suggestion guy who mixes up the words corrugated
(38:58):
and coral did frequently. Thanks, your show is funny. Well
you can see how they're you know, both the ideas
are corrugated, so it's not it's not that hard to understand.
But you know, you know, I wanted what what do
you mean? What do you mean the ideas are corrugated?
I mean that if we're talking about integrating marketing and uh,
(39:22):
you know production. You know, we're trying to get those
two uh just reinforced cardboard. What reinforced cardboard? So it
corrugated corrugated cardboard. Yeah, m hm, no, they're I mean
they're connect trying to go with your analogy, well, I
mean similar to being is it similar to being perforated?
(39:45):
You're saying we can, we can kind of that's core larked.
So it's correlated. That's correlated. Okay, So that's that's what
I want to do. So I want to bridge these
do because they are they are they are corrugated, right,
I mean it might seem not so on paper, but
really in practice, they're they're they're doing the same thing, right,
(40:06):
We're both trying to promote. We're both trying to push
all right, inside socks, and that's the whole thing. Marketing's
got inside socks are doing all the you know, productions
got inside socks are doing everything over there. But why
not bridge the two? Right? Why not? Why not be
able to look, we know we have an incredible product.
Oh no, Hanson, did you lose another job again? I'm
(40:32):
I'm feed you know, I don't have the wherewith all
of my body to go and and do this for myself.
I need my son's help. I know, Mama, I know,
I'll hope you. I promise that. Well, okay, I'll feed you.
I'll feed you. I'll feed you as much food as
(40:53):
you want. All the llamas in the world you can eat.
I just want omeal I'm a simple gal. Yeah, I
just I could. The only thought of that, the most
you know, exquisite meal or the most Hey, Hanson, look,
we can't allow you into the grocery store anymore. Already.
(41:14):
Well we've already caught you shop looking three times and
management I told you I felt okay, and then those
those things just got into my jacket. I can't explain it. It's,
if anything, there's a there's some kind of curse on
you when I went to high school together. Man, I
like you. You're cool, but I can't let you in
here anymore. Can you see that there's a there's a
(41:38):
what can I get a job here? I mean, look,
you're lucky the owners in today. This is hell. Mary.
If you asked me, but you want to talk to
the dead frog, you can talk to the dead frog.
I really appreciate him, and thank you so much. Thank you, man.
I promise you I'm not gonna let you down, all right, don't.
I'm not. I'm not the one in charge. Thank you, man,
Thank you for this opportunity to get off of me. Dude,
(42:00):
thank you. I just want to say, thank you so much, man,
Thank you. My mom My mom's just tied up in
his chair. She's not able to move like that stuff.
I'm trying to try to run a grocery store. Yeah,
uh um. We have a gentleman here who's looking for
a job. I don't know if there's any positions available
for him. Wait a minute, I know that guy you
(42:21):
saw from me, Oh, sir. To be fair, I fell
on it. There's a dimensional rift. There's the curse on
this grocery store. I think we can all agree, okay,
Dan Bryce in the curse on this grocery store from
the ghost of Michigan Jay Frog living in an alternate dimension.
There's infinite versions of me running different types of businesses
(42:42):
and different dimensions. And yeah, until I find closure in
this world, I can't ascend to the next life. But
that's what I want to help you do, sir, because
I mean, I've just being honest as a customer walking
around your displays with registers. I think there's a corrugation there.
I think we're able to integrate a corregation. I'm just
an old crone. I'm not going to put a hex
(43:05):
on this establishment. I just need to get my groceries.
Please let me just let me shop and peace, ma'am, ma'am.
I can't be more clear about this. You gotta get
the hell off property, all right, please, sir. I've already
been outlawed disband from most bodegas. This is the only
option that I have, which, oh God, my good. Okay.
(43:34):
A good portion of our clientele are fairy tale or
otherwise fantastical beings, okay, and they're just there to get
their damn groceries, all right. Because you kicked her out,
she is going to place a hex on the store.
I knew it. God, I knew it, Sir, I knew it.
I knew she was gonna curse this place well because
of you. She is. If you just let her get her,
(43:56):
you know, cans of chili that she's lead again and
always be doesn't mean I know. I'm so sorry, sir,
I bring these curses. I don't know what to see
I'm a curse boy. One more shot. Okay, well, thank you,
thank you so much, sir, I thank you. Hey, Hansen. Um,
(44:17):
so the boss gave me an address and cash to
drive you just in place somebody there. It's just I
don't know. I don't know. You said it yourself. You're
a curse boy, right yeah, okay, So this person is
supposed to help remove the curse. And by that, I
(44:40):
mean you're gonna probably kill this person and their soul
is gonna be able to go and I don't I
don't know. Just be clear. Why is this? So just
be clear about it. Well, here's the address. I don't know.
There's a guy sitting in there. You probably know what
to do. I don't want to shoot this guy or
what what? Hey? Come on? Uh okay, uh does this
(45:05):
gonna take long? It's the full moon's coming out quickly
the radiator. If you don't have the scout cookies, I
guess I could just turn you away right now. But
that's the noise the gun makes when I got car,
(45:26):
Come down, Come down. This is you just gotta do this.
You gotta do this quick because the moon is turning
full right now. Man, I just throwing up. So what
the fun was the money for? Then? I don't know.
(45:47):
I'm trying to putting the dollars in his mouth as
he was throwing up. I thought I was supposed to
plug it personally, still cursed. Did it work? I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know. I shot him in
the lakes. I shot him in the lakes six times.
I hope that was good enough. All right, we're here
back at the store. The doctor. Let me get this straight.
(46:08):
I'm I'm gonna be a werewolf and a wheelchair. Well,
in all, it's actually not so bad. You'll be able
to in wear wolf form, use your front paws uh
to pull yourself and roll it. Actually, it's not. It's
a good situation for you. I mean, obviously better if
you weren't. But I mean it's at the end of
(46:30):
the world. They're gonna make so much fun of me
at monster parties. No, no, no, no, You're gonna be
like half Terminator half werewolf. You're gonna be like the
Power Rangers when they did animals and robots. What part
of the Terminator was in a wheelchair? I don't understand.
(46:50):
It's that you, the back half of you is kind
of machine, like in a good way, like you'll be
faster without your I want to talk to you guys,
because you're supposed to be protecting my image, my records,
my name, and right now I feel like I need
to re record one of my greatest hits because uh,
(47:14):
you know, I'm a starboy and now there's a fucking
curse Boy? Are you out of your mind? Weekend? Look,
I I'm sorry about this. We're doing the best weekend.
This is your job. This is your job to find
people who have similar titles to the ones that I
bestow upon myself and to snuff them out. We can
(47:39):
I understand. Look, everyone on PR is working, everyone on digital,
because everyone on PR and everyone on digital because I'm
seeing on all platforms hashtag Curseboy, hashtag boy and go
go bad. That place close down and it was a palace,
and that it happened star Boy and Curse Boy. They're
(48:00):
not corgated. OKAYRETD. If you don't think there's a corrugation,
then you can get fucked and I can go get
a better PR team. I don't know if you know this,
but um I performed at the Super Bowl. Do you
know that what you're saying, my haunted house needs to
be a a compliant. I have to install the whole
(48:23):
ramp just for one guy to it for the hit
to attend the monster party. You know, I don't like
it either, but those are the facts, man. I I
need to be able to attend, you know, I need
to be able to pal around with the creature from
whatever lagoon. And I can't do that if I can't
get inside the party track. Look, you're a You're a monster,
like two three days a month tops. Okay. It just
(48:47):
so happens that Halloween this year coincide with the full moon. Yeah,
so yeah, so what to invite you? By the rules
of monsters, my monster thing is more of like a
gig based thing. I had to do it once a month.
I get it. It's not a nine to five being
a monster. But you know what's hard, you know, being
a monster and also not being able to like actually
(49:08):
catch anyone that I'm trying to eat, you know, Like
it's tough. Chair, you know, anybody could build it for me? Yeah,
how can I help you? This is gonna sound weird.
I'm listening. I need a souped up chair that can
(49:32):
move faster. But also go upstairs. Hold hold, hold on,
he said, hold said hold on, hold it, holding mask off?
What what fun do you just say to me? I
need a chair that's faster, but also goes upstairs. It's faster,
(49:57):
also goes upstairs. Follow me? I can't did he did?
He say? Old it? Yeah, make it, make it older? No, No,
he said hold it like he wanted. I think I
was trying to listen to what he was saying. He
(50:17):
was trying to get us to hold our our You
know how loud welding and iron work sucks. Man, fut
working here? Man, Listen, it's a better workplace, and you
give a credit for like where else could you get
your hands dirty working on iron, sweat and blood and
tears and working with correlated steel? Every correlated correlated steel? Yeah,
(50:42):
correlated steel, correlated iron, tin, aluminum, it's correlated to all
those steels. Okay, that track, that track, thank you. We
should be lucky that we have this job. All right,
we're wolf. I've sembled a team here now this. You
might recognize this team as the PR team for Weekend. Um.
(51:07):
They've left. They've left the Weekend and they are now
working for me. Butcher is so, h did you finish? Butcher?
I let think I'm high on right now? Is I'm high?
I'm getting this guy some wheels, some wheels of steel,
(51:29):
real wheels of steel. That would be great. But first
of all, you don't have to call me where well,
if you can call me Rick, that's my name. But
you know it's not like I would call you publicists
have it like Gary or whatever? You know what I mean? Well, look,
we're your butchers. We are excited for this opportunity, isn't
that right? Team? Now, we have some documents here, we
(51:51):
have some PDFs here for you. We've got a couple
of slides for you butchers. What you know what I'm saying, like,
what is it? There's your feet there? Yeah, I don't
even know what that was supposed to be doing it
like welding would would be like that'd be like my
top choice, you name it. Yeah, all the correlated steals
(52:15):
what you know? But I would say what you were saying,
you should steals? Yeah? Uh, Hanson, I've got some bad news.
What's going on? Your mom passed? She starved to death
(52:36):
because I couldn't hold down a job. I'm so sorry.
I was just finishing up here at dead frogs. I
don't understand she she died you? What do you mean
she's she's alive, she's fine. Almost don't need the rent.
She she's dead, she starved? You know what? The right?
(52:58):
Just why you go ahead and read this? This is
for you. We still need the rent. We still need
the rent. Can we still leave the huh? Tell him?
We still need this is all corrugated, all right? We
just what is your what is your? What is your?
(53:20):
Fat twins saying what is he? We're sorry, but we
still need the rent, need the rent. Buddy? Are you
talking to me? Oh God, I'm trying help me up
(53:47):
up the stairs. Just crushed this tiny motorcycle. I guess
I'll read this will weekend weekend? Are you? Are you
are able to perform and still be a powerhouse performer?
Why even asking me a stupid fucking question? Because you've
fallen out of like, you know, pop culture and the
(54:09):
site guys in general. Do you know that I performed
at the super Bowl? All right, later, man, I'll talk
to you later then, dude, come on, we can. We
got your e back? You got my e back? Yes,
that that you lost at the beginning of your career.
We've been looking all over for it. My my ecstasy. Yes, yes,
(54:32):
of course, not the E and your stylized name. We
wouldn't change that. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you
my ecstasy. Good good, good good. I have been missing.
This is the very beginning of my career, and I
must puppet right now. Pup baby. Uh we can look.
We know you're a giant celebrity, but stage time is
(54:53):
very scarce here, and you're high. It's fun. I don't
think we can let you go up. Come on, I'm
just asking for the Dragon Room, the Dungeon room, the
just put me in the I don't care. Just the
Dragon Room is really dangerous. But the audiences are pretty hot. Yeah,
I like that. I like hot people. I'm hot person myself.
I can dance all over that place and give it
(55:15):
to me, give it to me good. I'm gonna look crazy,
I'm gonna look confused, and I'm gonna put it everywhere.
Come on, man, Okay, I can give you fifteen minutes
after Smog finishes this set. Okay, I like that. Yeah,
that's good for me. All right, Well just head out
down to the Dragon Room. Okay, that was Smog. Everyone
(55:36):
smog from Middle Earth. He's got a soft spot on
his underbelly. H don't don't try to kill him there.
And now let's give it up for the weekend. Do
you do you ever? I know we should be singing,
(55:57):
but I thought not try out comedy? Right? You want
to look at your hands and they look like um,
just flippers, like they just look like one solid piece
that could probably navigate through water pretty well. But don't
let you fly? Does that? Sorry sir, Sorry sir, The
(56:19):
show has already started. Do your id show has already begun.
I yes this, I'm whispering as quiet as I can.
I'm here to see the weekend. I'm here to see Okay,
I'm here to see the weekend. Here's my I d okay,
even see that here? Okay? Florida. Yeah, it's just state
(56:39):
in the United States accounts. Oh, it counts. It's not weird.
It's one of the fifty. Fuck. I love this punchline.
I love this punchline. Hold on, let me hear then,
and then he ate it in his ass, he ate
it in anyway. Okay, So I didn't hear the sentence.
I didn't hear. I sat, I'm gonna have to send
(57:01):
you to processing really quickly, okay, because they're still processing here.
There's been a good there's been a big corrugation between
people who are breaking in the comedy clubs and people
who are stealing. Yeah, okay, okay, can we do it quick.
I'd like to catch at least some of the set.
Hold on, watch check this out, check this out, Listen
to this setup. Listen to the set, and I can't
(57:21):
feel my face, so it gets fun different. But you
can't get me to the processing broom. Okay, welcome to
this room here. Okay, so there's a dead frog in there.
Just resrespectunds nice, it doesn't matter. Okay, Oh I can't
feel on my face when I'm with you. Yes, let's
(57:47):
see whatever it is up to say goodbye? It ever there?
Christol Alorado, Oh my gosh, thank you so much. That
was so much fun. Love playing with you all. Um.
Took out my other podcast, The Comedy Fix. You know,
it's like a philosophical podcast about come do you know how?
Asking all the right questions I'm figuring out none of
the answers that felt like a that felt like a
Jackie Ruthy character. It's pretty good. Jackie Dorothy here I am. Yes,
(58:13):
thank you for that, Chris. Guys, thanks for having me.
This is so much fun. Uh. I'm still at Jackie
Druthy on all Boards, on all Around, and you know
I'm www dot Jackie Gonzalez Ruthy dot com. Can you
believe it? I can't. I mean I can't, but I can't. Sorry, Jackie.
Didn't you win Alchemy of the I did? I want Alchemy?
(58:36):
That great podcast. If you like this podcast, take a listen,
And I did win alchem Alchemists of the Week. And
let me tell you. When you do that, they make
you like a little beautiful plaque and they really nailed
like a manta, like a little It was a lot
of pictures of me, a collage, that's what it is.
But then it was also like little stickers of the
(58:59):
Miami he there was a big bing Cross Crosby singing
Christmas and then there was this like alien um like
Gangly Dancer and that I was like, Wow, they really
know me, and I don't know how they would know,
but that's how I move that they do. Thank you Chris,
(59:21):
and shout out to Alchemy that for sure. Congratulations, you
know I want it one day. Everybody else has several,
but you know it's okay. Print up paper was side
and I read it. This is your episode, This is
your James ten everybody, Jake, thanks for tuning, and is
it too soon to announce the show that we have
(59:43):
coming up live on the internet. I'll wait for Craig's
term because he probably knows the most about it. Um alright, well,
I think it's April twenty seven. Ye. Yeah, it's gonna
be uh you know what if you if you want,
(01:00:05):
you can check out the real James Need dot com.
It'll be on my calendar once I hear from uh
somebody now when it isn't what time it is? That
was my thing. Well, we're gonna do a live Alchemy
show for the Austin Sketch Fest and let's let me
(01:00:25):
get that day in time for you. Well, well, Joey
Grit Talks Joey Hello. Check out Alchemy this on Instagram.
We also gotta reddit Alchemy this pod on Reddit. If
you want to go out there and I don't know,
talk about you know, what's going on, James Jacket, You
know you really want to muse about that and maybe
(01:00:45):
get to the core of it, because I think it's American,
but it's also it looks like the Union Jack. It
looks like the pants I got onto a Really, I'm
really dressed up today. Yeah, you look like you're like
we're working your way up as an Olympic coach, you know,
I mean, he just like we want to show up.
You're an assistant, but you're gonna get there one day.
You're gonna get the one day. Um So that's about it.
(01:01:07):
Check us out on the sociules like and subscribe to
whatever the hell is available to do that, and I
and per James write a review. Give us those stars
that help please Saturday April four, five thirty Pacific, seventh
thirty Central, eight thirty Eastern and then sometime and other
time zoned. I'm at col Stratton at Stratton Cold depending
(01:01:31):
on the service. But as sketchest dot com, retfest pot
clips or past videos give us a float. But we
can do another life Festival hopefully in January two. Let's
thank our engineer, producer Doug Bame and the fine folks
at iHeart Media dot com. Please write to us at
(01:01:51):
your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your
name here at alchemystime until next time, I'll
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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