December 13, 2018 • 51 mins
A couple happily strolls the convention floor in Las Vegas, hoping to discover cutting edge consumer electronics. Instead, they are harassed and hustled by the least prepared salesmen in history. We then head to a book signing of an author who’s best days may be in the rear view mirror… Next is a trip to the bank where things go a little sideways for a sweet, caring bank teller. Hey, but what about a Chicken Casino…? It is what you think, but better.
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome back to Alchemy. This on your host, Kevin Poller.
Yes that Kevin Pollock? What's that? Yes? I know, I
said I I was ready to buy the car. I'm
just not sweet listeners. Over the years, I've been crazy
lucky to see my fair share of true alchemy. By definition,
alchemy is quote when a person creates something through a
seemingly magical process and you lovely dingleberries. Like I said,
(00:25):
I've been witnessed to the stuff on several occasions. An example,
you asked, okay, when separated, only fifty percent of Sonny
and Share had undeniable tell speaking of which, not too
long ago, while having my conscious scraped and rinsed, the
idea hit me. What if I brought together the right
creative people and asked them to make shut up based
on my own twisted, demented ideas, then offered a podcast
(00:48):
of this seemingly magical process and I could call it alchemy?
Why can't you be more like your brother? Well, after
a bit of title tankering, I'm so very proud to
welcome you, dear friends, to another episode of Alchemy. That's
let's meet our group of alchemists, shall we? In no
particular orders. Say hello to Vanessa, ragling Vanessa, what can
money by if not love? Most uh? Lock the doors.
(01:12):
It's Chris Alvarado toime, Chris, When did you realize it
was time? I'm still waiting. Come on, people, bring those
parts together for Craigkowski. Craig, why can't we be friends? Well,
you'll have to ask war because they wrote that song
and they know the answers, right, Bingo was his name?
And what about some sweet James Heeney James? Can I
(01:33):
call you Tommy? Tim tom Um? I guess so, I
guess so thanks for committing last chap your lips if
you think him least, he's greer. Get used to it.
Mr Joey grab brother, Gee, can you spare seventy eight
hundred dollars? All right, okay, let's get you our first seed,
(01:54):
shall we? Yes? We find Linda and Danny strolling the
floor of the Consumer Electronics Convention in Laws, Vegas. As
they do. Various vendors pitched them they're never imagined before,
electronic devices that will change the world. Oh my god,
(02:15):
this is amazing. Yeah, it is amazing. I think we're
going to go to blind Oh of course we will.
I mean drones are everywhere I really want to go to.
Don't worry, we'll go. You know, care for that moment
that you're worried. I don't want the blades to snag
it up and rip it off for anything. Had a
lot of rustles because I want to look beautiful. Oh
(02:37):
you do. You've always looked. I've always told that. I
know Danny like inniversary tricks. And here we are. Come on,
you know I'm in the electronics. I love this. Look
at this stuff over here. They got you guys, look
like you've just arrived here. Yes, this is a good
news for you. I've got a new invention. Let's hear it. Well, imagine,
(02:58):
once you've been here for a while, you're gonna have
a lot of stuff in your hands, and you're gonna
need somewhere to put all that stuff. Well, geez, that
looks Can I see that? Yes? I bought it for
it was a wedding gift. All right. Well if this
is really similar. But what this is is it's a
couple of pieces of fabric. And you're gonna notice the
top of this fabric. These teeth here are separated and
(03:19):
combined with this little device that pulls back and forth.
What that looks like a zipper. Well, it's a patented
things that I've come up with. And and this is
all completely solar powered. Oh that's the electronic part of it.
Like it requires no batteries, no plugs, no charging, no anything. Here,
hold on to put this over your shoulder. Let me
hold your Are you okay? Well, it's what we call
(03:43):
really sturdy materials. You're kind of cutling on the back
of You're bleeding a little bit on the back of
your shoulder. And I already had a rash there. Um,
this is thirty dollars, but today I'll give you. But
you're gonna have a lot of things that you pick
up at Danny Strong handy entrepreneurreneur. We could help you
(04:04):
donating to kickstarters every day. Now we need to get
this man with a excuse me to did I hear
you donate to kickstarter? Jeez, this is your lucky day.
Let me just if you let me log in on
my laptop really quick. I'd like you to see my
Kickstarter page. How old is that laptop this is? If
this is not an old laptop, are you verified vendor here?
(04:25):
I haven't gotten a table. If I get a table
inside the door shoes, Danny. You know how these tech
guys are. They don't. They're very off the grid shoes.
They're usually all about the grid. This guy's off the grid, Lenda,
these tech guys. Okay, So take a look at this.
This here is my web page for a kickstarter. It's
actually a go fund me, but it's But if you
(04:46):
notice on the very front page that if you don't
hate now, I'll share your donation on social media and
everybody will understand that you're somebody that supports new ideas.
I don't know if I'm comfortable with you sharing that information.
That job, Danny, but we're gonna back. We're gonna be back.
And uh, that's your email address. My email is that
Danny at danny dot com. So just thank you. You
(05:10):
can always email me whenever you need your email. Dress,
I don't have email. Don't lie to me. I can
lie to you. That's my wife, sir. She can lie
to you, sir. Why anyone I want to She just
admitted she's lying to me. Give me your email, sir.
She doesn't want to give it up. That's okay. That's
how I do my marketing. This is a Consumer Electronic Show.
(05:30):
You have a scratchy purse. It's not scratchy, that's sturdy. Danny, leave, okay,
I need to leave. Wait, come back over here. I'm
sorry about that. Can I interest you in your spreads
of the future? Oh, Danny, So what was in that
nanotechnology dot com? Let us know what you think? Okay,
we will thank you. This is fun? Is this so
(05:52):
much fun? Folks? Folks, step right up over here, sir madam, Yes, sir,
I can't help you. Know whatice you're admiring the I
Mix two thousand. I can't help me. Notice I can't
help you. Notice, and you can't help me. Notice I
can't help noticing that you're admiring the Imix two thousand.
(06:13):
Were Yeah, oh, stay away from those guys. Yeah, charlottan's
all of them? Thank you? I agree, Okay, help but
notice that you're looking at the I Mixed two thousands.
You're not letting us leave. Yeah, so I guess this
is what we have. Yes, stay here around. You don't
(06:35):
have a booth. You just have this little platform moving around.
That's right. Well. The Eye Mixed two thousand is a
cylindrical device powered by a technology that allows you to
put various food items into it and if you will
mix or blend, blend them together. It's not a blender.
(06:56):
It's an I mixed two thousand. This is state of
the odd. This is so much like a blender. It
looks a lot like and I mix. Look, I'm I'm
putting the frozen berries inside. So you're swimming in your
suit now, I'm I'm putting a banana in there. Okay,
(07:16):
you're not even taking the peel off. Okay, I'm putting
some uh some two milk in there. Are you sure
about what you're making? Now? When I hit I hit
the mix button, Jesus, there's no top it there's no
there's no top yet. This is Jesus blend you okay?
(07:38):
Are you okay? This is still being tested. We're testing it.
We're testing it without a top, just to see how
that works. Blenders have tops, sir. But it's not a blender. Okay,
it's a blend. It's a blender. Do you have a
go fund Me? Do you have a Kickstarter? What's that?
(07:59):
You don't worry about that. There's a loose twenty. Here's
a loose twenty under the blender. Under the blender. What
the hell? Yeah, there's blades on the top and the bottom.
What the yike? Okay, I just thought it were with
double your blending capabilities. Okay, have a wonderful day. Oh
(08:22):
my gosh, we come on the entrepreneurs. Linda Is said, Damn,
I don't say that. Your people trying something new. Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, No, mom,
I am in Las Vegas. Oh high, folks. I was
just talking to my mother who's not in the state,
(08:45):
using this device you see before you. Okay, cell phone
excuse me. Cell phone cells live in our body. As
you know. I've created a device that uses way technology
to speak to those who are not in the same
room or the same state as you. Soon enough, we
will have the technology to reach people outside of the
(09:08):
country even right now. Where are we going, honey? Are
you pranking me? No, I'm not pranking. Is there a
video camera, and I'm sure there is a video, a video.
You have a cell phone in your hand and it's
a flip phone. No, this is not, this is not
This is a wave phone. You've taped over the motor
you are. I don't think it's funny. I'm not pranking you. Okay,
(09:32):
I'm not pranking. You know he pranked me last year
on an anniversary. Yeah, what was that all about? It
wasn't nice. No, he filled our mattress with snakes. That's funny.
She wanted a water bed. And let me ask you
a question. What's your name, sir Danny? How about I
know that because I think I've yelled it at him recently. Well,
I was probably talking to somebody who is not in
(09:54):
this room. Now, let me ask you a question. Do
you know somebody who doesn't who's not currently in Las Vegas?
Many people? Okay, do you want to give me a
phone number of theirs? Perhaps, ma'am? Phone number of somebody
who is not in Las Vegas. Excuse me? This man
is stealing my ideas. I have set up towers that
put out waves. That are the way he uses that
(10:16):
to fight. You use web technology. I use wave technology.
You wouldn't have a business if it wasn't for me, Brett, listen,
I'll let you sleep on my couch for two fucking years.
Two years we started of rent. It was supposed to
be a business venture together. Hello, Oh, I'm talking to
somebody who is not in Las Vegas right now? Are hello?
(10:39):
M that's a show phone. That one's for a show.
I have a go fund me. Oh great, and if
you can maybe help support that, I will actually have
the technology within this web. You are supporting a corporate thieve.
This was our idea. We built this together. We got
matching tattoos one night, and that to me meant a bond. Brett,
(11:00):
it seems like you both agree there's a bond. Yeah,
that's not where good to start from. Hey, maybe I've
been spending too much time to try to talk to
people not near me when I should be communicating with you. Rick,
I just thought that we grew apart. You told me
didn't want me in your couch anymore. I had to
get my own apartment. I was getting frustrated. Yeah, this
(11:22):
is so much in the bellagia. This is so much.
I'm gonna throw this out there. Let me just give
you a soft pitch. What if we combined wave technology
with wave technology and made a device so powerful that
people could communicate with people wherever they wanted, whenever they wanted,
towers across the country, Rick, are you willing to work
(11:45):
with me again? It sounds like he is. Okay, yes,
he just said, But also, you guys we all have phones.
You have cellular phones, right, we're talking wave phones only.
What are the benefits? Benefits? Right now, you see all
the walls around us. These waves can penetrate walls. So
(12:05):
oh okay, are soaking the cell phone? The cell phone
can also Well, thank you know what, We're gonna keep
on going around checking some boots out. I feel like
you guys have figured something out. Um and thank you,
thank thank you for your time. Are you two pet lovers?
Do you like pets? The pets? Finally, something for me?
(12:28):
Do you have pets at home? I have two pets
living in two berries, talking about the buried ones. One
was a big old guinea pig, right, very big, more
like a dog than a guinea pig, we always said.
We named him puppy Pig. And then the other was
a little parakeet parakee by the name of so Puppy
Pig and Keter. What would you pay if you could
(12:49):
bring those two lovely pets back in ther lives? Oh well,
we got a replacement pig, replacement birds. I think they're fine.
Those exact animals though you loved, and that's impossible. You can't.
That's why you're wrong. Welcome to the future of pets.
Jesus Christ. That's uh, the hound nine thousand. I know
you didn't mention a dog, but just to give you
(13:11):
an example of the technology of robotic pets, big big pupil,
watch this, Larry sit. Look at that sitting right down, Larry.
Ship Jesus, Oh my god. Oh but look it's it's
not too bad. Sponge's amazing. So my least favorite thing
(13:40):
about pets has always been hard. But the ship. Look
at that. That's actually fantastic. Can I attach it? It's
a sponge? Well, this is remarkable, Larry, Larry, Larry down,
Larry down. Look how quickly he responded to you. So
what was your name again? To Danny Hyster Larry, that's Danny.
He's your new owner. Hold on a second, I don't know.
(14:02):
If I take simple payments a week, that's all it
takes to take Larry home today. Why can't it just
be one payment of something? That's a great question, babe.
What a little business guy, Larry. Oh, it's it's up. Okay,
all right, that's a little your nation. It happens every nineteen, right,
(14:27):
that's something we can play. Yeah, he's beautiful. It's a
beautiful robot that I'm presenting here. Larry, go fetch, He'll
bring that tennis ball back. Yeah. Watch this tennis ball
is coming right back, unharmed, dropped right into my hand.
Any minute now, Larry will come right back around that corner.
(14:47):
But while we're waiting, you did say it was reanimated flesh.
This is this is a robot dog? Yes, so no,
I didn't say anything about reanimation. What Oh, that was
just a separate That was something completely unrelated, just curiosity. Alright,
So this is Arry, is my Larry Jesus. What is
(15:12):
in his mouth? That is not the ball? Oh? My god?
The baby? He brought a baby with them. Drop, I
got it, I got the baby. Holy God. Let me
go lie down. This isn't my kid. I don't know
whose kid this is? That your kid? Now? I can't
take care of this kid, Linda, please come on. No, no,
we know what put the kids on the counter. Here.
(15:33):
I'll find the owner who folks the guinea pig and
the other one was a pair of kid. Ye. So
what I'm saying is we can build robotic versions of
those two pets and have them in your homes in
less than six months. Okay, what would you pay? Um, well,
we have unless great, we we do have enough pets
(15:53):
at the moment. Less than that. I think of a
number a dollar okay, a little more, five dollars a week,
just one time payment, just straight up what does it
cost to do this? And I actually, you know now
that I'm having a moment to calm down from the
shock of it all. Why would people do this? Because
the pet will never die and you'll never have to
(16:14):
bury it? Eric, Oh my gosh, I just love the
sprits counter over there, where's some where's the baby? The what?
Where's our boy? Our boy? Oh? Yes, a giant robotic
dog came and took it? What a giant robotic dog
game and took it? Was amazing. That sounds neat. It was.
(16:36):
It was cool. Excuse me. I'm part of the Las
Vegas Board of Commissions and Search and Warrants and we
got some towers outside. Those are my towers. I mean
they're just display. Please don't touch them because I spent
a lot of money building those towers. Yeah. Well those
towers are dangerous alright. It's a lot of loose metal
on those things have fallen down, hurting people. As are
(16:57):
coming into the convention center. Right, buddy, listen, that's high technology.
If you even touch it, acknowledge that's bungee cord keeping
though it looks like pieces of glass, and they too,
Those bungee cords are pulled tight. You pull one bungee
cord off and it will flail at everyone. Okay, buddy,
you gotta you gotta remove these a sap. I will
as soon as this show's over. You gotta do it
right now, buddy. All right, people getting hurt. People are
(17:17):
gonna get hurt if I start loosening up bunchee cords. Okay,
but you do not threaten me. Do not threaten the
people of this convention. I'm not threatening anybody everything. No, no,
this man is harassing me. What where's oh cheeze, where's
your shoes? Oh cheeze? They were on my feet and
around my neck earlier. I must have been robbed. It
(17:39):
must have been robbed. You don't remember being robbed. I
do now now that I think about it. It was
it was that guy that's that that's uh, he's got
an imixer. I think he's been shady. Well, there's there's
a series of blades on the inside of the cylindrical tube.
The blend the i'mixer guy and under meath that there's
(18:00):
another series of bunders. Sir, I'm sorry, we're gonna have
to put you in a don't touch me, don't touch me.
Come on, come on, don't We take our group to
one of the last remaining Barns and Nobles. While Pulitzer
Prize winning novelist Richard Landry is signing books his last
(18:24):
six novels you should know have not sold well. He's
accompanied by the store manager David, a big fan. The
line is short, but they've each got a copy to
be signed by Richard Landry. Now, what's thatverre we getting started? David? Yeah,
I mean we. I just was holding the line a
little bit longer because I feel like, if the line
gets long enough, the excitement is just gonna build like electricity. Yeah,
(18:47):
this is not a long line, not not yet, but
I've tweeted barely wrapping around the self help sections. Well,
if really this is five minutes Earlis, you know who
I am, right, of course, I know who you are.
I'm rich I'm your biggest fan. You wouldn't be here
right now if I didn't fight the board members to
have you here signing books. I want a bulletzer and
the pulitzer. Oh I thought that was the same thing. No,
(19:11):
different towards different pronunciation. Look, my my new novel is
perhaps my best work yet. I don't want to be unprofessional,
but I've actually brought my own copy of the novel
and i'd like you to sign it. You brought your
copy of the novel my first book? Yeah, my first book,
(19:31):
the novel. Yeah, I mean it's not the one that
you're doing right now, but that changed my life. It
got me into selling books. No, yes, well they're they're
still studying the novel in and I would hope so
if I would stop, it would be a tragedy, will
and a travesty. Yeah, yeah, So if you would just
sign it, I'm sure. How do you spell David? It's
(19:52):
David D A V I D. I'm sorry you are
not allowed to come from This is Richard Landry. He's
a famous word. They do smucks. There's a there's a
line here, there's a procedure because there's always a line
of Starbucks. But I don't smell the JOVA. So I've
got quition. This Barnes and Noble doesn't have a Starbucks.
(20:13):
They've considered it not a financial outside. There used to
be a Starbucks lighting with an I row Listen, if
you get in line, I'll bring you a cup of coffee.
What do you got? There was a while that Bones
of Noble cheesecake factory cheesecake. Do you still have cheesecake
factory cheesecake? Well, you're talking my languords, Dick Richard. We
(20:35):
we had to close all of those things. Business hasn't
I was a kid off of the tree. Cake was
like to the might. You cannot put your hands on
his face. Let's not like hay scorn and he likes
your skin is rough. I work hard with my What
do you do for a living? If you make saying castles,
you make one sat castle for a living? Remember the
(21:01):
last I'm a bit bum? What is it? What is
your name? Richard? You don't have the traditional way. I've
never actually flamed it written down, Richard. Please don't sign
Snoofer on my book. SnO as a fan and will
get your copy of the novel. I am a fan
(21:24):
of this I'm a fan of this guy. This guy's
a cool guy. Is the line open open? I am
so sorry, sir, snoof If you go to the line,
I'll bring you a cup of car What sir, I said, ma'am?
I said, you said, sir? Are you called? You called her? Sir?
I think I was just saying, ma'am. It might have
sounded this is not the day and age for gender confusion. Listen.
(21:49):
I'll get you both a cup of coffee if you
just settle down. And Richard, I don't mean to leave
you alone here, but if you could just start the signatures,
I'll bring coffee. Do you need something? Yes? Yes? What?
I will take a slice of cheesecake factory cheesecake, maybe Oreo,
truffled turtle, one of that. Oh, I don't. There's not
(22:11):
a cheesecake factory within walking distance. There's one about thirteen
miles away. They're always there's always one within walking distance,
depending how far are you're wining to walk. Good, okay,
I'll be back in thirty minutes. I'm get in the
back of the lot. Alright. I'll take a cup of
gumbo too, if you have one. Hello, Hello, oh my god,
(22:33):
what is your name? You're enchanting creature. I thought you
would recognize me by my voice I've sent you a
lot of um of mail, a lot of voicemail, and
I just want to save. Oh, I got a nethought
i'd get to meet Mr Landry in person, um Rachel,
Rachel Shihn, and Rachel sh Shishun and I your work
(22:57):
has work's time. Rachel, take your time. Take a deep breath.
Tell me, do you have a favorite of my books? Well,
besides the novel? Um, Yes, everybody likes the novel. We've
established that I loved Boy in the Clouds. Boy in
the Clouds cut deep, deep cuts, and I loved your
(23:17):
essays on the idea of why, and it was just fantastic.
I love that. I love everything that you had to
do about that, like intermingling with like without ether. Take
a deep breath, Take a deep breath, put your breath
back in. Oh, okay, you like very nice. You're very
(23:37):
very well endowed. One of them is bigger than the other.
I noticed that much bigger. Yes, I can't hear. I
can't hear, Rachel, where are your steaks? Your little line?
Is this the line? Or is this a sex line?
Just next time, it's whatever line it needs to be, sir. Okay, Okay,
I'll keep waiting, then I guess, get inside the get
(24:00):
see me. Excuse me, miss? Would you mind the stepping
on the line, But just a second please, I had
a couple of questions I need to ask you. Yeah,
part of me, Mr Landry, this sort of thing won't
happen again. That's all right, Ted, the next question? Please?
Hi Mr Landry? Hello? Who should I make this out too?
Not so fast? I'm onto you? Oh really? Yeah, I'm
(24:21):
one of those, one of those that read the secret messages,
read the lines between the lines. Now, I noticed in
Boining the clowns and the idea of why the first
letter of every sentence made another word, and that word
was posture. Be that's not a word. It wasn't a
word until that's right, until you create it. Okay, it's
(24:44):
just it's it's gobbledygook. It's a mission match, Oh, gobbledygook.
Another good one. Now, that's a whole society credit for that.
That's a whole society of that have read your messages,
and we disagree with your viewpoints. Frankly, look what why
take the trouble to do this? First of all, look
at the first letter of every word of that begins
(25:06):
every sentence that begins every sentence. Look, I you have
a whole Reddit group going that's right, that's right, that's right,
and we are onto you, and we disagree with your
viewpoints on immigration, on guns, one of my view points
on immigration. You enlighten me, yeah, I will well, um well, okay,
I have it right here. As a matter of fact, Now,
this is straight out of Boy in the Cloud. This
is Boy in the Clouds. Um your view on immigration
(25:28):
is very clear here it says um um matte Luke
and mitte Luke definitely is referring to not wanting any
immigrants in this country because you're going to to luke
them back to theirs. And we disagree with that. Boy
in the Clouds is literally a book about a young
(25:49):
immigrant boy who is welcome to America. That's what you
wanted us to believe. That we saw right through it. Now,
as a matter of fact, and while I have you
in your essay on the idea of why use me,
I would love to get Wyoming side. Oh you've already
read Wyoming. I have I got an advanced I'll get
(26:10):
out of here and look at page nine. Look at
page nine, really, look at page nine. Okay, I just
loved it. Um, I'm really I think your talent that
I think everything has gotten better, every book has been
better than the last, and you're really I'd like to
think so, yes it's true. Um gosh, you can just
make it out to Monica, to Monica. How do you
(26:33):
spell that? Like Harmonica with no harm but okay, so
Harmonica with no but with an him? Yes, yes, yes,
exactly all right. What do you think of the Rodeo chapter? Oh?
I loved because it was kind of experimental for me.
Oh you know, you know what I felt that, But
I thought it was so amazing. And in fact, I'm
(26:56):
a filmmaker and I really would love to make us
into a movie because the entire chapters from the perspective
of a barrel, I know. And I loved the way
it was looking at the last, so I felt like
there was a lot going on there. Um, what was
that about a filmmaker? Filmmaker, and I just thought maybe
I could I could make a feature out of this. Yes,
(27:17):
nobody's tried to adapt when on my books since the novel. Right,
I can see what I mean? There are all see
why Richard, my old colleague, my old college roommates and
excuse me, miss okay, why are you guys wearing? What
(27:41):
are those all? I'm wearing all a Scots? Everything hinted
too well. Hargreaves, Hard Groves, Hayden, Richard Ard lovely books.
Are many people the six seven? These are your fans, Richard? Yes,
(28:09):
because I actually take the time to go out and
meet my fans and find out who they are face
to face. That people discons disgusting Richard Landry, Richard Richard Laundry,
that dry Lundry. Do you know how many books I've
written by the time you've published? I know, I know,
(28:29):
and that's right, yes, forty two? Is it? Is it
about the quantity Hargroves, and not the quality? You tell me,
here's your here's your oreo. I think I couldn't get
anything from the cheesecake factory, but it's from It's Eli's cheesecake.
It should be great. Let me put did I say
Eli's cheesecake? David? I had to hurry, who I want
(28:52):
a cheesecake factory cheesecake? And did you get that cup
of gumbo? I shouted it as you were leaving. I
didn't hear that. I mean, where do you get where
where don't you get I guess you don't have a rider, Landry.
I have a writer. They just didn't obate it. I'll
get you a gumbo really fast. Okay, no, okra, Richard.
(29:14):
We're here to bring some news to you. As a
matter of fact, you are officially excommunicated from the society.
Ex communicator. Well, I don't want to be in the
society in the first place. You're not allowed to be.
You can't be. We don't want you. I don't want
to be out. It doesn't matter what you want. You
can't be in it. What do you want? You can't
(29:34):
have it. Skinning for on your toenails, Get your hands
off his face, put on a moscato cambot my nose
and I won't even feel it. So who's doing fun
and news? Not? What the hell? Questions this Monday? France?
(29:57):
Richards or nothing? We are thank you, snof welcome Richard.
What's your favorite book? That? Richard Landry's ever book? Here's
a children's book. As a matter of fact, I did
(30:17):
go stright for Sesame Street. Yes. I wrote a book
called Cookie Monster Goes to the Store. Richard put that
knife away, yes, And it was some of my best writing,
but some of the best writing I ever did. Monster
goes to the store, And yes, the first letter of
every sentence did spell out a message, and it's spelled out.
(30:40):
Fuck rooms are and want to be in your fucking sciety.
Where's my gumbo? Gumbo? Now take you across town to
(31:03):
a bank, Chase Bank, where they teller's job seems easy enough.
The problem is never the difficulties of banking, but rather
every story told by bankers as to what this particular
money transaction means to them on this day. Okay, next up,
(31:23):
step closer to the it's your turn. Just step close
enough to the mic was here first? Well, you didn't
get into the line, and if you go to the
back of the line, it snakes all the way until
you get to the front. And I also, I asked
if it was near you, so you had an opportunity
to say that to me. Whoever asked, whoever asked first.
I'll tell you what, both of you. Step up. I've
(31:45):
got the ability to do to transactions at well, mind's
a little personal, mind's very personal. Okay, I'll hum. I'll
turn my head and hum while you complete your transaction.
It might be if it's too loud humming, I might
not be able to hear her. I'll go back to
I'll go to the back then, thank you, thank you,
thank you, mildly attractive. So are you? Bye? Bye? All right?
(32:07):
How could I help you? Well? I make your day great?
So my father recently passed. It's okay, and sorry. I
had this crazy coin collection which I haven't here, and
I just want to get that turned into dollars. Oh well,
I'll tell you what. It's not my place to say,
but you won't get any increased value in a coin here.
I can only trade a dime for a dime. I
(32:28):
mean it's I would say, there's yeah, But what I'm
saying is if you went to a specialist, you could
probably turn that into whatever it's worth. These are old,
These are very old. I just want you to count
them and give me dollars back. It's couldn't be a
very low number from what you should get. I don't
I know, like, I just want dollars I can spend.
(32:49):
You can pop them out of the cardboard. I do
not care right now. These mean nothing to me. Okay,
I mean I have to do this, but I am
not a financial advisor. But these are worth definitely more
than cents. You've got every state here, right, Okay, I'll
do it. Why are you doing this to me. I'm
(33:10):
not trying to do anything furnishing me. I'm already grieving
my father, I can tell. I'm so sorry. I don't
mean to bring it up. I'm just saying that this
coin collection, some of these are I would have print.
That should be good news for me. There's a picture
of a booker on Ford's face on this dime. That's
very rare. That's super rare. Okay, all right, I'm just
(33:31):
gonna you know what. I don't know what they're worth.
I'm just saying I can only give you. I apologize,
but that's just not how Chase Bank works. We try
to make dreams happen, and we try to make futures brighter.
But exact change is what you'll get, and that is
seven dollars and thirty seven cents. Thank you. I'm taking
(33:54):
all the peppermints. Okay, next, Hello, Hi, are you doing next?
That's okay? Well, when you went out of the line,
you have to go to the back. I was behind
the woman who was weird. You went to the back
of the line. Buddy, it's a strange Okay, how are you.
I'm good. Please come closer. All right, I wanna just
(34:19):
know how much is in my account right now? All right,
If you give me your debit card and a license,
I can look that up for you. Right all right,
there you go, swipe the card, my license right in.
Oh you're overdrawn, sir, say again, you're overdrawn. You are
negative forty dollars. And if you don't, let's do that again.
Let's wipe this again. Let's swipe this again and running
up and let's get that card. Yes, still, thanks, that's
(34:42):
my name, last name, Cliver, last name. Yes, your forty
dollars overdrawn. And if we can't negative forty dollars and
if we can't square even, there's going to be another
fee of places on your account. Okay, well, hold on
six pm Eastern standards. Okay, hold on, shut the hell up,
all right, shut the hell up for or second. Okay, buddy, okay,
look this little trade everything okay, every here, Yeah, we're fine,
(35:06):
Thank you security. He's being aggressive. Give us a moment.
I'm a customer here, I'm still in the middle of
this trade. You need to get to the back of
the line, sir, Okay, this is a weird day. Do
you normally harrass customers that are members of this bank?
She's a security guarden, snity guard. It's not harassment, it's carrying. No,
it's harassment because I'm a member of this bank. Okay,
(35:27):
So am I not just a security guard? I'm also
a customer? Oh great? Yeah, so I have a vested
interest in the safety of this bank. Well, I got
a vested interest in being here because I got money
in the bank. Philip, did you say nothing? Did it
kiss me? No? Holy shit, Donna h Field? Oh no, Phil?
(35:51):
What did you call me? Mike? I'm sorry? There was
another guy around. Please get back to back then. I
just feel like if I could just do one quick
tra banks. Yes, Phil, not a Rashfield. Hi, not Mike pleasure.
Mike was yeah great, some other guy. You are nothing.
I don't know. I don't know this. Okay, Look, Donna,
can I handle my business place? Can I handle your business?
(36:13):
Come on? Come on? Don't all right, I got I don't.
I don't have a lot of buddy anymore. I look
at you and those nice shoes. You're rich, come about?
I just look rich? All right? I got this. This
I've been wearing, to say to Hugo boss platinum sheer
suit for two weeks. All right, this is not even
a real Roles Davis. How much is in his account?
(36:35):
He's got neet, he has nothing to his I just
wanted to do a trade. I just wanted to trade. Okay,
what kinds of trades are we talked to? Trading in dollars?
So do you give me a loan? Oh, that's not
a trade. If you give me a loan, I'll go
out and make some money and I'll come back and
I'll give you money. I'll trading you everybody back hun
Come on, how that's making guy? Huh? Well, Donna either
(37:00):
cuff him or coach sign. It's your call. But he's
gonna need a coach sign or if I'm going to
give him any month. Uh, okay, run my credit. Just
let me make sure. Okay, Oh you're good. You got
good credit. That's impressive. It's great about the dream you
want to build up. Okay, I want to make this.
I want to make this this casino, right, But inside
(37:21):
the casino, there's no gambling. Okay. We just give out
chicken strips and people get to dip in different kind
of sauces they want, and they get to run around
chicken restaurant kind of. But it's a casino, okay, and
people get there's all this, there's all these different it's
a casino themed chicken rest Oh no, okay, all right,
(37:41):
it's just chicken strips everywhere. And if there's just plants
and the and the all the girls, all the girls
are on skates, ice skates. It's all ice floor, all
ice floor. And then okay, cuff, what's hell? Okay, thank you,
I'd like to close my account. Play No, I am sorry.
(38:01):
You have got to go to end of the line.
You're lucky that our security guard is busy right now,
because if she hadn't been busy, I would have asked
her trouble you at this point? Yeah, this is three times.
If this was an airplane, you'd be taste and removed.
But it's a bank. And if it was a comedy show,
it would be great because the three is a comedic number.
(38:21):
That's true. Yeah, but it's not your turn either. Sorry,
I don't care. I'll wait forever. I love it here.
I can let them go ahead of me. I don't
want to cut ahead of anyone in line. I'll be quick. Alright, fine,
what do you need to hold on? Hold on one
moment here, I have an announcement to make. I'm holding
(38:44):
this bank up. Wait, everybody on the ground, if you
can see me one second. Oh, I'm holding the bank up.
Just one quick second. I got ninety seconds before the police.
Oh wait, I can see the note he was going
to hold the bank out. I oh, that is hilarious.
Can I close my account before? This is not a
(39:05):
good time to close an account. I am sorry. We're
not going to be able to do that. In fact,
I don't know who to respond to first. I was like, honestly,
I was in line. I got it. I said it aloud.
You know, I kind of care everybody on the ground. Look,
that's comedy. Three is about this gun sweating. I wouldn't
(39:27):
mind a stack of those gerald Fords. I've gone formes.
How did you know they were even here? Get me listen.
I am not prepared to deal with three robbers. I
just I was here first. I was here first. But
I said it aloud. First a second, I'm sorry you
guys are here well, I mean, I mean I was
(39:47):
here first. Granted I have been a little pushy, but
I feel bad. You came in so hot. It was
great and I thought so. But I don't want to overstep.
I don't want to know it's okay to you. Well,
I've spent my time. Now, I have bagged up all
of the cash into this one bag, okay, and I
am going out. I don't have that much in my account. Oh,
(40:08):
I'm sorry, sir. I couldn't close your account before I
brought them their minds. How much money was in your account?
I could put your card if you give me your license,
give me my license. Okay. By the way, where where
you from? Originally? Arizona? Yeah? Father was working there in
the mind and then my mom was also working in
(40:29):
the mind. But now you said originally yeah, Well that's
a great question. Not in my shirt pocket. I always
asked myself that where am I from? Now? Seventy three
I've looked it up for you. Seventy three dollars in
your accounts? And how much money? Isn't that big bag
of money? I didn't count it. I just emptied all
if you had a guess, quarter million dollars? All right,
(40:53):
all right, what's your name, sir? My name is Okay,
why don't you get license? You should know it. This
is Michael, Michael Shivel. Okay, why don't we give Mr
shivelll I've once knew it a fellow by that name.
That's your Mr. Your name, Michael Shivell. Why don't we
(41:13):
give Mr Shivell his money? That's really nice of you
in cash and I can rob him. Get okay, okay, right,
and then you guys take the rest of the to
rob you. I got to be honest. I have to
actually hand this bag off to somebody. Now. If I
do anymore with it, I'm complicit in this crime. Okay,
I don't want to. I guess I don't want to
touch it first. Do you want to touch the bag first? Yeah?
(41:36):
How about it? Ever, I'll touch it. There you go,
thank you. Could I just interject with something here? Yes,
Mr Shivell, everybody get on the goddamn everybody. This is
a stick up. Okay, that's what I was looking for
in my pants at a found it. This is your bank,
(41:58):
Mr Shivell, which is this is Ship's bank. You're on
Candra right now? They know who you want? Yeah, you
know who I am. I don't care right this is
not what I was expecting. I'm not scared weirdly, come
is it's weird? Yeah? I feel pretty scared over here,
but it seems like you guys are all working it out.
It's the Buzuoka loaded Hell yeah, it's a little bit.
(42:22):
What would be the point of carrying around aroundloaded Bozuka? Well,
I don't know why. I don't seems cartoon. Yeah, it's
real bazooka Joe. Yeah, I see that was that funny.
I didn't think so. I'm in the comedy class. I'm
not an expert yet. It couldn't. Man, Look while you're
(42:43):
waving that around their partner. Look, every Bazooka Joe has
a has a joke in it. Yeah, and a piece
of gum. Yeah, give me my goddamn money. I'm sorry,
but the money is in that back right there, and
you're gonna have to take it from well, we've called
him Arizona at this point, um, so you'll have to
(43:03):
take it from Arizona, all right, Mr Shivel. I'm ready
to die. Don't don't get crazy there, young youngster. I'm
ready to die. Why do you say that? I don't
know where I'm from. I don't have a home. I
just need to interrupt you just a moment, because I
like you guys, and I feel like if that bazooka
(43:24):
goes off, we're all done for Donna will be back
very soon. I don't know. She seemed to be hitting
it off that she had him in handcuffs, but like Dona,
this is what I'm saying. All right, we just we
get a couple hundred grand, you know what I mean,
We pop it up. Don't Oh, you have to go
(43:45):
check that out? Or can we talk about you know,
come o a the chicken strips. Huh extra chicken skating Raman. Listen. Yes,
I'm lonely and I've missed something fun and reckless. But
this is this is too much. You're waiting to get
into the bank. It's closed. I listen, Phil, I don't
(44:12):
know what brought us together today, But should you check
that out? I think it's okay. I don't want to
do that check it out. I don't want to check
it out and open this casino with me. Okay, okay, okay,
(44:32):
let's go to the bank right now, Let's pull the cash,
let's do this. Three years later, people are lining up
to get into the chicken casino? Alright, guts you, so
we're clear. It's a three hour away? Alright, three hours? Ok?
Is it a casino. It's gotta be a casino. We've
waited for three hours. This casino had better have slop.
(44:54):
I got my players caught online. Where's the where's the
slot machines? I'm hoping to get into a poker game.
I'm starving. It smells like chicken. Yeah, yeah, it does
smell a lot like chicken. And I did not come
here to eat. It smells like ice too. Do you
guys smell that sort of ice? Skate smell? Smell ice skates,
(45:17):
ice skating smell the rink? Whoa look at that? I mean,
I know why I'm I know why I'm waiting in line.
Did you all not know you're waiting three hours for
a casino? You don't know anything about this. They serve
the best chicken. I have never researched a casino. I
gambled at for the record. I just got in the line.
Whenever I see a line, I hop in. Oh, billboard
(45:41):
does work? Yeah apparently? I mean I'm here. It's my
understanding that the only thing you win here is delicious
food when they do you win it or do you
just buy? I guess my big hang up is are
we just buying chicken? Yeah? Well you will. You put
money into a slot machine, you select your order, you
pull the lever, and then outcomes your chicken. Oh I'm
not staying here. I think that sounds fine. Nobody can
(46:02):
leave the line, Okay, nobody can leave the line, all right?
Why can't we leave the line? Hey, no questions either. Okay,
someone to stay in the line. Once you get the front,
you can exit through the building. Okay, thank you. You
can exit through the building. Thank you, he said, and
the casino was never opened again. Casino open again. C
(46:25):
O A O A ny, you've done it again, concludes
today's reading Richard Landry. That was am I back in
the society completely completely? That was fantastic, What a fantastic
(46:45):
fiction story. Yes, my imagination is vivid casino that only
sells chicken. And it seems really more fat, very strange
outside the box, no doubt, yes, But do I make
it feel real? I know I'm just here is this
hype man? But damn, every time he read that chicken
can sing no ship, I get all excited. There is
(47:08):
sand on the sides of your mouth every time he
reads it. How many times have you heard that? Well,
I'm as hot man, so I'm hearing it a lot,
at about four times. Last week hard I just worn
on the car drop. We were boogie board and together yesterday. Memory.
He's got to be so good. But I'd like to
be in the society snow far. I don't think you've
(47:29):
ever written anything that would allow you to be a chance.
We'll give her a chance. I had no idea. And
if I could get another cup of gumbo. By the way,
this tastes like a smoothie with a twenty dollar bill
in it. Um, No, that can't be. I made this
gumbo myself, and you made yourself. I didn't have a choice.
(47:52):
There was nothing open to buy gumbo from. Where do
you get gumbo with a left in the morning? Your
questive just broken me? This is a Barnes Noble Hello, Hello, Hey,
what is me? I'm talking to you and you're not
(48:12):
even near me? Where are you? Who is this? Baguys
and so concludes another episode of alchemy. This ah, let's
meet our players, shower, Let's go around the bend and
see who's got special things? To talk about. James Heney
(48:33):
What do you got for? I've been releasing Brief News
Brief twice a week. You can find it on stitcher
now and where the folks to tune into the stitcher?
How does what is it under? A James Heeney? It's
under brief news Brief? Okay, Brief News Brief. Vanessa Raglan,
Oh my have things been blown up at Yeah? People
(48:56):
should come on down to Dynasty. You can find the
it our schedule at Dynasty Typewriter dot com and we've
had great stuff. Last week Conan came. I mean it's
like dreaming and so do that and Instagram Dynasty Typewriter
not Conan O'Brien, but still it was a really nice guy. Yeah, Barbaria,
(49:16):
Joey Grey, What do you got for? Bears apply at
the West Side Comedy Theaters every second and fourth Wednesday
at nine o'clock and then in conversation with music at
the DYNT. You did a show at the Dynasty Typewriter.
Did you not killed it? I heard it was sold
out and hilarious, So you'll be going back soon perhaps.
Greig Kakowski at Kaikowski on Twitter, at Craigslist Peak Cast
(49:38):
for my movie podcast at Orange Tuck's Improv for my
improv Endeavors improv. It's not related to improvisation, Chris Alvarada.
I don't think I've once mentioned my improv team Heyday.
Let's do that now, Yeah, yeah, yeah, Hey Day as
a great team. And what with the closure of IO
(50:00):
and all, we've been doing a lot of shows all
over the city, including finding a home at the Second
City and at the West Side Comedy Theater. So I
don't know, check out Hey Day Improv somewhere. All right,
look at those calendars the west Side Comedy dot com
and uh you said Second City, that's right? Oh great,
all right. I want to thank our engineer, Doug Baam,
Doug Bam, everybody, yes, and duty and the fine folks
(50:23):
and how stuff works. What are you up to, Kevin?
I don't see how that's your business until next time.
Uh say bye bye everybody, Bye bye. Tw
Welcome back to Alchemy. This on your host, Kevin Poller.
Yes that Kevin Pollock? What's that? Yes? I know, I
said I I was ready to buy the car. I'm
just not sweet listeners. Over the years, I've been crazy
lucky to see my fair share of true alchemy. By definition,
alchemy is quote when a person creates something through a
seemingly magical process and you lovely dingleberries. Like I said,
(00:25):
I've been witnessed to the stuff on several occasions. An example,
you asked, okay, when separated, only fifty percent of Sonny
and Share had undeniable tell speaking of which, not too
long ago, while having my conscious scraped and rinsed, the
idea hit me. What if I brought together the right
creative people and asked them to make shut up based
on my own twisted, demented ideas, then offered a podcast
(00:48):
of this seemingly magical process and I could call it alchemy?
Why can't you be more like your brother? Well, after
a bit of title tankering, I'm so very proud to
welcome you, dear friends, to another episode of Alchemy. That's
let's meet our group of alchemists, shall we? In no
particular orders. Say hello to Vanessa, ragling Vanessa, what can
money by if not love? Most uh? Lock the doors.
(01:12):
It's Chris Alvarado toime, Chris, When did you realize it
was time? I'm still waiting. Come on, people, bring those
parts together for Craigkowski. Craig, why can't we be friends? Well,
you'll have to ask war because they wrote that song
and they know the answers, right, Bingo was his name?
And what about some sweet James Heeney James? Can I
(01:33):
call you Tommy? Tim tom Um? I guess so, I
guess so thanks for committing last chap your lips if
you think him least, he's greer. Get used to it.
Mr Joey grab brother, Gee, can you spare seventy eight
hundred dollars? All right, okay, let's get you our first seed,
(01:54):
shall we? Yes? We find Linda and Danny strolling the
floor of the Consumer Electronics Convention in Laws, Vegas. As
they do. Various vendors pitched them they're never imagined before,
electronic devices that will change the world. Oh my god,
(02:15):
this is amazing. Yeah, it is amazing. I think we're
going to go to blind Oh of course we will.
I mean drones are everywhere I really want to go to.
Don't worry, we'll go. You know, care for that moment
that you're worried. I don't want the blades to snag
it up and rip it off for anything. Had a
lot of rustles because I want to look beautiful. Oh
(02:37):
you do. You've always looked. I've always told that. I
know Danny like inniversary tricks. And here we are. Come on,
you know I'm in the electronics. I love this. Look
at this stuff over here. They got you guys, look
like you've just arrived here. Yes, this is a good
news for you. I've got a new invention. Let's hear it. Well, imagine,
(02:58):
once you've been here for a while, you're gonna have
a lot of stuff in your hands, and you're gonna
need somewhere to put all that stuff. Well, geez, that
looks Can I see that? Yes? I bought it for
it was a wedding gift. All right. Well if this
is really similar. But what this is is it's a
couple of pieces of fabric. And you're gonna notice the
top of this fabric. These teeth here are separated and
(03:19):
combined with this little device that pulls back and forth.
What that looks like a zipper. Well, it's a patented
things that I've come up with. And and this is
all completely solar powered. Oh that's the electronic part of it.
Like it requires no batteries, no plugs, no charging, no anything. Here,
hold on to put this over your shoulder. Let me
hold your Are you okay? Well, it's what we call
(03:43):
really sturdy materials. You're kind of cutling on the back
of You're bleeding a little bit on the back of
your shoulder. And I already had a rash there. Um,
this is thirty dollars, but today I'll give you. But
you're gonna have a lot of things that you pick
up at Danny Strong handy entrepreneurreneur. We could help you
(04:04):
donating to kickstarters every day. Now we need to get
this man with a excuse me to did I hear
you donate to kickstarter? Jeez, this is your lucky day.
Let me just if you let me log in on
my laptop really quick. I'd like you to see my
Kickstarter page. How old is that laptop this is? If
this is not an old laptop, are you verified vendor here?
(04:25):
I haven't gotten a table. If I get a table
inside the door shoes, Danny. You know how these tech
guys are. They don't. They're very off the grid shoes.
They're usually all about the grid. This guy's off the grid, Lenda,
these tech guys. Okay, So take a look at this.
This here is my web page for a kickstarter. It's
actually a go fund me, but it's But if you
(04:46):
notice on the very front page that if you don't
hate now, I'll share your donation on social media and
everybody will understand that you're somebody that supports new ideas.
I don't know if I'm comfortable with you sharing that information.
That job, Danny, but we're gonna back. We're gonna be back.
And uh, that's your email address. My email is that
Danny at danny dot com. So just thank you. You
(05:10):
can always email me whenever you need your email. Dress,
I don't have email. Don't lie to me. I can
lie to you. That's my wife, sir. She can lie
to you, sir. Why anyone I want to She just
admitted she's lying to me. Give me your email, sir.
She doesn't want to give it up. That's okay. That's
how I do my marketing. This is a Consumer Electronic Show.
(05:30):
You have a scratchy purse. It's not scratchy, that's sturdy. Danny, leave, okay,
I need to leave. Wait, come back over here. I'm
sorry about that. Can I interest you in your spreads
of the future? Oh, Danny, So what was in that
nanotechnology dot com? Let us know what you think? Okay,
we will thank you. This is fun? Is this so
(05:52):
much fun? Folks? Folks, step right up over here, sir madam, Yes, sir,
I can't help you. Know whatice you're admiring the I
Mix two thousand. I can't help me. Notice I can't
help you. Notice, and you can't help me. Notice I
can't help noticing that you're admiring the Imix two thousand.
(06:13):
Were Yeah, oh, stay away from those guys. Yeah, charlottan's
all of them? Thank you? I agree, Okay, help but
notice that you're looking at the I Mixed two thousands.
You're not letting us leave. Yeah, so I guess this
is what we have. Yes, stay here around. You don't
(06:35):
have a booth. You just have this little platform moving around.
That's right. Well. The Eye Mixed two thousand is a
cylindrical device powered by a technology that allows you to
put various food items into it and if you will
mix or blend, blend them together. It's not a blender.
(06:56):
It's an I mixed two thousand. This is state of
the odd. This is so much like a blender. It
looks a lot like and I mix. Look, I'm I'm
putting the frozen berries inside. So you're swimming in your
suit now, I'm I'm putting a banana in there. Okay,
(07:16):
you're not even taking the peel off. Okay, I'm putting
some uh some two milk in there. Are you sure
about what you're making? Now? When I hit I hit
the mix button, Jesus, there's no top it there's no
there's no top yet. This is Jesus blend you okay?
(07:38):
Are you okay? This is still being tested. We're testing it.
We're testing it without a top, just to see how
that works. Blenders have tops, sir. But it's not a blender. Okay,
it's a blend. It's a blender. Do you have a
go fund Me? Do you have a Kickstarter? What's that?
(07:59):
You don't worry about that. There's a loose twenty. Here's
a loose twenty under the blender. Under the blender. What
the hell? Yeah, there's blades on the top and the bottom.
What the yike? Okay, I just thought it were with
double your blending capabilities. Okay, have a wonderful day. Oh
(08:22):
my gosh, we come on the entrepreneurs. Linda Is said, Damn,
I don't say that. Your people trying something new. Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, No, mom,
I am in Las Vegas. Oh high, folks. I was
just talking to my mother who's not in the state,
(08:45):
using this device you see before you. Okay, cell phone
excuse me. Cell phone cells live in our body. As
you know. I've created a device that uses way technology
to speak to those who are not in the same
room or the same state as you. Soon enough, we
will have the technology to reach people outside of the
(09:08):
country even right now. Where are we going, honey? Are
you pranking me? No, I'm not pranking. Is there a
video camera, and I'm sure there is a video, a video.
You have a cell phone in your hand and it's
a flip phone. No, this is not, this is not
This is a wave phone. You've taped over the motor
you are. I don't think it's funny. I'm not pranking you. Okay,
(09:32):
I'm not pranking. You know he pranked me last year
on an anniversary. Yeah, what was that all about? It
wasn't nice. No, he filled our mattress with snakes. That's funny.
She wanted a water bed. And let me ask you
a question. What's your name, sir Danny? How about I
know that because I think I've yelled it at him recently. Well,
I was probably talking to somebody who is not in
(09:54):
this room. Now, let me ask you a question. Do
you know somebody who doesn't who's not currently in Las Vegas?
Many people? Okay, do you want to give me a
phone number of theirs? Perhaps, ma'am? Phone number of somebody
who is not in Las Vegas. Excuse me? This man
is stealing my ideas. I have set up towers that
put out waves. That are the way he uses that
(10:16):
to fight. You use web technology. I use wave technology.
You wouldn't have a business if it wasn't for me, Brett, listen,
I'll let you sleep on my couch for two fucking years.
Two years we started of rent. It was supposed to
be a business venture together. Hello, Oh, I'm talking to
somebody who is not in Las Vegas right now? Are hello?
(10:39):
M that's a show phone. That one's for a show.
I have a go fund me. Oh great, and if
you can maybe help support that, I will actually have
the technology within this web. You are supporting a corporate thieve.
This was our idea. We built this together. We got
matching tattoos one night, and that to me meant a bond. Brett,
(11:00):
it seems like you both agree there's a bond. Yeah,
that's not where good to start from. Hey, maybe I've
been spending too much time to try to talk to
people not near me when I should be communicating with you. Rick,
I just thought that we grew apart. You told me
didn't want me in your couch anymore. I had to
get my own apartment. I was getting frustrated. Yeah, this
(11:22):
is so much in the bellagia. This is so much.
I'm gonna throw this out there. Let me just give
you a soft pitch. What if we combined wave technology
with wave technology and made a device so powerful that
people could communicate with people wherever they wanted, whenever they wanted,
towers across the country, Rick, are you willing to work
(11:45):
with me again? It sounds like he is. Okay, yes,
he just said, But also, you guys we all have phones.
You have cellular phones, right, we're talking wave phones only.
What are the benefits? Benefits? Right now, you see all
the walls around us. These waves can penetrate walls. So
(12:05):
oh okay, are soaking the cell phone? The cell phone
can also Well, thank you know what, We're gonna keep
on going around checking some boots out. I feel like
you guys have figured something out. Um and thank you,
thank thank you for your time. Are you two pet lovers?
Do you like pets? The pets? Finally, something for me?
(12:28):
Do you have pets at home? I have two pets
living in two berries, talking about the buried ones. One
was a big old guinea pig, right, very big, more
like a dog than a guinea pig, we always said.
We named him puppy Pig. And then the other was
a little parakeet parakee by the name of so Puppy
Pig and Keter. What would you pay if you could
(12:49):
bring those two lovely pets back in ther lives? Oh well,
we got a replacement pig, replacement birds. I think they're fine.
Those exact animals though you loved, and that's impossible. You can't.
That's why you're wrong. Welcome to the future of pets.
Jesus Christ. That's uh, the hound nine thousand. I know
you didn't mention a dog, but just to give you
(13:11):
an example of the technology of robotic pets, big big pupil,
watch this, Larry sit. Look at that sitting right down, Larry.
Ship Jesus, Oh my god. Oh but look it's it's
not too bad. Sponge's amazing. So my least favorite thing
(13:40):
about pets has always been hard. But the ship. Look
at that. That's actually fantastic. Can I attach it? It's
a sponge? Well, this is remarkable, Larry, Larry, Larry down,
Larry down. Look how quickly he responded to you. So
what was your name again? To Danny Hyster Larry, that's Danny.
He's your new owner. Hold on a second, I don't know.
(14:02):
If I take simple payments a week, that's all it
takes to take Larry home today. Why can't it just
be one payment of something? That's a great question, babe.
What a little business guy, Larry. Oh, it's it's up. Okay,
all right, that's a little your nation. It happens every nineteen, right,
(14:27):
that's something we can play. Yeah, he's beautiful. It's a
beautiful robot that I'm presenting here. Larry, go fetch, He'll
bring that tennis ball back. Yeah. Watch this tennis ball
is coming right back, unharmed, dropped right into my hand.
Any minute now, Larry will come right back around that corner.
(14:47):
But while we're waiting, you did say it was reanimated flesh.
This is this is a robot dog? Yes, so no,
I didn't say anything about reanimation. What Oh, that was
just a separate That was something completely unrelated, just curiosity. Alright,
So this is Arry, is my Larry Jesus. What is
(15:12):
in his mouth? That is not the ball? Oh? My god?
The baby? He brought a baby with them. Drop, I
got it, I got the baby. Holy God. Let me
go lie down. This isn't my kid. I don't know
whose kid this is? That your kid? Now? I can't
take care of this kid, Linda, please come on. No, no,
we know what put the kids on the counter. Here.
(15:33):
I'll find the owner who folks the guinea pig and
the other one was a pair of kid. Ye. So
what I'm saying is we can build robotic versions of
those two pets and have them in your homes in
less than six months. Okay, what would you pay? Um, well,
we have unless great, we we do have enough pets
(15:53):
at the moment. Less than that. I think of a
number a dollar okay, a little more, five dollars a week,
just one time payment, just straight up what does it
cost to do this? And I actually, you know now
that I'm having a moment to calm down from the
shock of it all. Why would people do this? Because
the pet will never die and you'll never have to
(16:14):
bury it? Eric, Oh my gosh, I just love the
sprits counter over there, where's some where's the baby? The what?
Where's our boy? Our boy? Oh? Yes, a giant robotic
dog came and took it? What a giant robotic dog
game and took it? Was amazing. That sounds neat. It was.
(16:36):
It was cool. Excuse me. I'm part of the Las
Vegas Board of Commissions and Search and Warrants and we
got some towers outside. Those are my towers. I mean
they're just display. Please don't touch them because I spent
a lot of money building those towers. Yeah. Well those
towers are dangerous alright. It's a lot of loose metal
on those things have fallen down, hurting people. As are
(16:57):
coming into the convention center. Right, buddy, listen, that's high technology.
If you even touch it, acknowledge that's bungee cord keeping
though it looks like pieces of glass, and they too,
Those bungee cords are pulled tight. You pull one bungee
cord off and it will flail at everyone. Okay, buddy,
you gotta you gotta remove these a sap. I will
as soon as this show's over. You gotta do it
right now, buddy. All right, people getting hurt. People are
(17:17):
gonna get hurt if I start loosening up bunchee cords. Okay,
but you do not threaten me. Do not threaten the
people of this convention. I'm not threatening anybody everything. No, no,
this man is harassing me. What where's oh cheeze, where's
your shoes? Oh cheeze? They were on my feet and
around my neck earlier. I must have been robbed. It
(17:39):
must have been robbed. You don't remember being robbed. I
do now now that I think about it. It was
it was that guy that's that that's uh, he's got
an imixer. I think he's been shady. Well, there's there's
a series of blades on the inside of the cylindrical tube.
The blend the i'mixer guy and under meath that there's
(18:00):
another series of bunders. Sir, I'm sorry, we're gonna have
to put you in a don't touch me, don't touch me.
Come on, come on, don't We take our group to
one of the last remaining Barns and Nobles. While Pulitzer
Prize winning novelist Richard Landry is signing books his last
(18:24):
six novels you should know have not sold well. He's
accompanied by the store manager David, a big fan. The
line is short, but they've each got a copy to
be signed by Richard Landry. Now, what's thatverre we getting started? David? Yeah,
I mean we. I just was holding the line a
little bit longer because I feel like, if the line
gets long enough, the excitement is just gonna build like electricity. Yeah,
(18:47):
this is not a long line, not not yet, but
I've tweeted barely wrapping around the self help sections. Well,
if really this is five minutes Earlis, you know who
I am, right, of course, I know who you are.
I'm rich I'm your biggest fan. You wouldn't be here
right now if I didn't fight the board members to
have you here signing books. I want a bulletzer and
the pulitzer. Oh I thought that was the same thing. No,
(19:11):
different towards different pronunciation. Look, my my new novel is
perhaps my best work yet. I don't want to be unprofessional,
but I've actually brought my own copy of the novel
and i'd like you to sign it. You brought your
copy of the novel my first book? Yeah, my first book,
(19:31):
the novel. Yeah, I mean it's not the one that
you're doing right now, but that changed my life. It
got me into selling books. No, yes, well they're they're
still studying the novel in and I would hope so
if I would stop, it would be a tragedy, will
and a travesty. Yeah, yeah, So if you would just
sign it, I'm sure. How do you spell David? It's
(19:52):
David D A V I D. I'm sorry you are
not allowed to come from This is Richard Landry. He's
a famous word. They do smucks. There's a there's a
line here, there's a procedure because there's always a line
of Starbucks. But I don't smell the JOVA. So I've
got quition. This Barnes and Noble doesn't have a Starbucks.
(20:13):
They've considered it not a financial outside. There used to
be a Starbucks lighting with an I row Listen, if
you get in line, I'll bring you a cup of coffee.
What do you got? There was a while that Bones
of Noble cheesecake factory cheesecake. Do you still have cheesecake
factory cheesecake? Well, you're talking my languords, Dick Richard. We
(20:35):
we had to close all of those things. Business hasn't
I was a kid off of the tree. Cake was
like to the might. You cannot put your hands on
his face. Let's not like hay scorn and he likes
your skin is rough. I work hard with my What
do you do for a living? If you make saying castles,
you make one sat castle for a living? Remember the
(21:01):
last I'm a bit bum? What is it? What is
your name? Richard? You don't have the traditional way. I've
never actually flamed it written down, Richard. Please don't sign
Snoofer on my book. SnO as a fan and will
get your copy of the novel. I am a fan
(21:24):
of this I'm a fan of this guy. This guy's
a cool guy. Is the line open open? I am
so sorry, sir, snoof If you go to the line,
I'll bring you a cup of car What sir, I said, ma'am?
I said, you said, sir? Are you called? You called her? Sir?
I think I was just saying, ma'am. It might have
sounded this is not the day and age for gender confusion. Listen.
(21:49):
I'll get you both a cup of coffee if you
just settle down. And Richard, I don't mean to leave
you alone here, but if you could just start the signatures,
I'll bring coffee. Do you need something? Yes? Yes? What?
I will take a slice of cheesecake factory cheesecake, maybe Oreo,
truffled turtle, one of that. Oh, I don't. There's not
(22:11):
a cheesecake factory within walking distance. There's one about thirteen
miles away. They're always there's always one within walking distance,
depending how far are you're wining to walk. Good, okay,
I'll be back in thirty minutes. I'm get in the
back of the lot. Alright. I'll take a cup of
gumbo too, if you have one. Hello, Hello, oh my god,
(22:33):
what is your name? You're enchanting creature. I thought you
would recognize me by my voice I've sent you a
lot of um of mail, a lot of voicemail, and
I just want to save. Oh, I got a nethought
i'd get to meet Mr Landry in person, um Rachel,
Rachel Shihn, and Rachel sh Shishun and I your work
(22:57):
has work's time. Rachel, take your time. Take a deep breath.
Tell me, do you have a favorite of my books? Well,
besides the novel? Um, Yes, everybody likes the novel. We've
established that I loved Boy in the Clouds. Boy in
the Clouds cut deep, deep cuts, and I loved your
(23:17):
essays on the idea of why, and it was just fantastic.
I love that. I love everything that you had to
do about that, like intermingling with like without ether. Take
a deep breath, Take a deep breath, put your breath
back in. Oh, okay, you like very nice. You're very
(23:37):
very well endowed. One of them is bigger than the other.
I noticed that much bigger. Yes, I can't hear. I
can't hear, Rachel, where are your steaks? Your little line?
Is this the line? Or is this a sex line?
Just next time, it's whatever line it needs to be, sir. Okay, Okay,
I'll keep waiting, then I guess, get inside the get
(24:00):
see me. Excuse me, miss? Would you mind the stepping
on the line, But just a second please, I had
a couple of questions I need to ask you. Yeah,
part of me, Mr Landry, this sort of thing won't
happen again. That's all right, Ted, the next question? Please?
Hi Mr Landry? Hello? Who should I make this out too?
Not so fast? I'm onto you? Oh really? Yeah, I'm
(24:21):
one of those, one of those that read the secret messages,
read the lines between the lines. Now, I noticed in
Boining the clowns and the idea of why the first
letter of every sentence made another word, and that word
was posture. Be that's not a word. It wasn't a
word until that's right, until you create it. Okay, it's
(24:44):
just it's it's gobbledygook. It's a mission match, Oh, gobbledygook.
Another good one. Now, that's a whole society credit for that.
That's a whole society of that have read your messages,
and we disagree with your viewpoints. Frankly, look what why
take the trouble to do this? First of all, look
at the first letter of every word of that begins
(25:06):
every sentence that begins every sentence. Look, I you have
a whole Reddit group going that's right, that's right, that's right,
and we are onto you, and we disagree with your
viewpoints on immigration, on guns, one of my view points
on immigration. You enlighten me, yeah, I will well, um well, okay,
I have it right here. As a matter of fact, Now,
this is straight out of Boy in the Cloud. This
is Boy in the Clouds. Um your view on immigration
(25:28):
is very clear here it says um um matte Luke
and mitte Luke definitely is referring to not wanting any
immigrants in this country because you're going to to luke
them back to theirs. And we disagree with that. Boy
in the Clouds is literally a book about a young
(25:49):
immigrant boy who is welcome to America. That's what you
wanted us to believe. That we saw right through it. Now,
as a matter of fact, and while I have you
in your essay on the idea of why use me,
I would love to get Wyoming side. Oh you've already
read Wyoming. I have I got an advanced I'll get
(26:10):
out of here and look at page nine. Look at
page nine, really, look at page nine. Okay, I just
loved it. Um, I'm really I think your talent that
I think everything has gotten better, every book has been
better than the last, and you're really I'd like to
think so, yes it's true. Um gosh, you can just
make it out to Monica, to Monica. How do you
(26:33):
spell that? Like Harmonica with no harm but okay, so
Harmonica with no but with an him? Yes, yes, yes,
exactly all right. What do you think of the Rodeo chapter? Oh?
I loved because it was kind of experimental for me.
Oh you know, you know what I felt that, But
I thought it was so amazing. And in fact, I'm
(26:56):
a filmmaker and I really would love to make us
into a movie because the entire chapters from the perspective
of a barrel, I know. And I loved the way
it was looking at the last, so I felt like
there was a lot going on there. Um, what was
that about a filmmaker? Filmmaker, and I just thought maybe
I could I could make a feature out of this. Yes,
(27:17):
nobody's tried to adapt when on my books since the novel. Right,
I can see what I mean? There are all see
why Richard, my old colleague, my old college roommates and
excuse me, miss okay, why are you guys wearing? What
(27:41):
are those all? I'm wearing all a Scots? Everything hinted
too well. Hargreaves, Hard Groves, Hayden, Richard Ard lovely books.
Are many people the six seven? These are your fans, Richard? Yes,
(28:09):
because I actually take the time to go out and
meet my fans and find out who they are face
to face. That people discons disgusting Richard Landry, Richard Richard Laundry,
that dry Lundry. Do you know how many books I've
written by the time you've published? I know, I know,
(28:29):
and that's right, yes, forty two? Is it? Is it
about the quantity Hargroves, and not the quality? You tell me,
here's your here's your oreo. I think I couldn't get
anything from the cheesecake factory, but it's from It's Eli's cheesecake.
It should be great. Let me put did I say
Eli's cheesecake? David? I had to hurry, who I want
(28:52):
a cheesecake factory cheesecake? And did you get that cup
of gumbo? I shouted it as you were leaving. I
didn't hear that. I mean, where do you get where
where don't you get I guess you don't have a rider, Landry.
I have a writer. They just didn't obate it. I'll
get you a gumbo really fast. Okay, no, okra, Richard.
(29:14):
We're here to bring some news to you. As a
matter of fact, you are officially excommunicated from the society.
Ex communicator. Well, I don't want to be in the
society in the first place. You're not allowed to be.
You can't be. We don't want you. I don't want
to be out. It doesn't matter what you want. You
can't be in it. What do you want? You can't
(29:34):
have it. Skinning for on your toenails, Get your hands
off his face, put on a moscato cambot my nose
and I won't even feel it. So who's doing fun
and news? Not? What the hell? Questions this Monday? France?
(29:57):
Richards or nothing? We are thank you, snof welcome Richard.
What's your favorite book? That? Richard Landry's ever book? Here's
a children's book. As a matter of fact, I did
(30:17):
go stright for Sesame Street. Yes. I wrote a book
called Cookie Monster Goes to the Store. Richard put that
knife away, yes, And it was some of my best writing,
but some of the best writing I ever did. Monster
goes to the store, And yes, the first letter of
every sentence did spell out a message, and it's spelled out.
(30:40):
Fuck rooms are and want to be in your fucking sciety.
Where's my gumbo? Gumbo? Now take you across town to
(31:03):
a bank, Chase Bank, where they teller's job seems easy enough.
The problem is never the difficulties of banking, but rather
every story told by bankers as to what this particular
money transaction means to them on this day. Okay, next up,
(31:23):
step closer to the it's your turn. Just step close
enough to the mic was here first? Well, you didn't
get into the line, and if you go to the
back of the line, it snakes all the way until
you get to the front. And I also, I asked
if it was near you, so you had an opportunity
to say that to me. Whoever asked, whoever asked first.
I'll tell you what, both of you. Step up. I've
(31:45):
got the ability to do to transactions at well, mind's
a little personal, mind's very personal. Okay, I'll hum. I'll
turn my head and hum while you complete your transaction.
It might be if it's too loud humming, I might
not be able to hear her. I'll go back to
I'll go to the back then, thank you, thank you,
thank you, mildly attractive. So are you? Bye? Bye? All right?
(32:07):
How could I help you? Well? I make your day great?
So my father recently passed. It's okay, and sorry. I
had this crazy coin collection which I haven't here, and
I just want to get that turned into dollars. Oh well,
I'll tell you what. It's not my place to say,
but you won't get any increased value in a coin here.
I can only trade a dime for a dime. I
(32:28):
mean it's I would say, there's yeah, But what I'm
saying is if you went to a specialist, you could
probably turn that into whatever it's worth. These are old,
These are very old. I just want you to count
them and give me dollars back. It's couldn't be a
very low number from what you should get. I don't
I know, like, I just want dollars I can spend.
(32:49):
You can pop them out of the cardboard. I do
not care right now. These mean nothing to me. Okay,
I mean I have to do this, but I am
not a financial advisor. But these are worth definitely more
than cents. You've got every state here, right, Okay, I'll
do it. Why are you doing this to me. I'm
(33:10):
not trying to do anything furnishing me. I'm already grieving
my father, I can tell. I'm so sorry. I don't
mean to bring it up. I'm just saying that this
coin collection, some of these are I would have print.
That should be good news for me. There's a picture
of a booker on Ford's face on this dime. That's
very rare. That's super rare. Okay, all right, I'm just
(33:31):
gonna you know what. I don't know what they're worth.
I'm just saying I can only give you. I apologize,
but that's just not how Chase Bank works. We try
to make dreams happen, and we try to make futures brighter.
But exact change is what you'll get, and that is
seven dollars and thirty seven cents. Thank you. I'm taking
(33:54):
all the peppermints. Okay, next, Hello, Hi, are you doing next?
That's okay? Well, when you went out of the line,
you have to go to the back. I was behind
the woman who was weird. You went to the back
of the line. Buddy, it's a strange Okay, how are you.
I'm good. Please come closer. All right, I wanna just
(34:19):
know how much is in my account right now? All right,
If you give me your debit card and a license,
I can look that up for you. Right all right,
there you go, swipe the card, my license right in.
Oh you're overdrawn, sir, say again, you're overdrawn. You are
negative forty dollars. And if you don't, let's do that again.
Let's wipe this again. Let's swipe this again and running
up and let's get that card. Yes, still, thanks, that's
(34:42):
my name, last name, Cliver, last name. Yes, your forty
dollars overdrawn. And if we can't negative forty dollars and
if we can't square even, there's going to be another
fee of places on your account. Okay, well, hold on
six pm Eastern standards. Okay, hold on, shut the hell up,
all right, shut the hell up for or second. Okay, buddy, okay,
look this little trade everything okay, every here, Yeah, we're fine,
(35:06):
Thank you security. He's being aggressive. Give us a moment.
I'm a customer here, I'm still in the middle of
this trade. You need to get to the back of
the line, sir, Okay, this is a weird day. Do
you normally harrass customers that are members of this bank?
She's a security guarden, snity guard. It's not harassment, it's carrying. No,
it's harassment because I'm a member of this bank. Okay,
(35:27):
So am I not just a security guard? I'm also
a customer? Oh great? Yeah, so I have a vested
interest in the safety of this bank. Well, I got
a vested interest in being here because I got money
in the bank. Philip, did you say nothing? Did it
kiss me? No? Holy shit, Donna h Field? Oh no, Phil?
(35:51):
What did you call me? Mike? I'm sorry? There was
another guy around. Please get back to back then. I
just feel like if I could just do one quick
tra banks. Yes, Phil, not a Rashfield. Hi, not Mike pleasure.
Mike was yeah great, some other guy. You are nothing.
I don't know. I don't know this. Okay, Look, Donna,
can I handle my business place? Can I handle your business?
(36:13):
Come on? Come on? Don't all right, I got I don't.
I don't have a lot of buddy anymore. I look
at you and those nice shoes. You're rich, come about?
I just look rich? All right? I got this. This
I've been wearing, to say to Hugo boss platinum sheer
suit for two weeks. All right, this is not even
a real Roles Davis. How much is in his account?
(36:35):
He's got neet, he has nothing to his I just
wanted to do a trade. I just wanted to trade. Okay,
what kinds of trades are we talked to? Trading in dollars?
So do you give me a loan? Oh, that's not
a trade. If you give me a loan, I'll go
out and make some money and I'll come back and
I'll give you money. I'll trading you everybody back hun
Come on, how that's making guy? Huh? Well, Donna either
(37:00):
cuff him or coach sign. It's your call. But he's
gonna need a coach sign or if I'm going to
give him any month. Uh, okay, run my credit. Just
let me make sure. Okay, Oh you're good. You got
good credit. That's impressive. It's great about the dream you
want to build up. Okay, I want to make this.
I want to make this this casino, right, But inside
(37:21):
the casino, there's no gambling. Okay. We just give out
chicken strips and people get to dip in different kind
of sauces they want, and they get to run around
chicken restaurant kind of. But it's a casino, okay, and
people get there's all this, there's all these different it's
a casino themed chicken rest Oh no, okay, all right,
(37:41):
it's just chicken strips everywhere. And if there's just plants
and the and the all the girls, all the girls
are on skates, ice skates. It's all ice floor, all
ice floor. And then okay, cuff, what's hell? Okay, thank you,
I'd like to close my account. Play No, I am sorry.
(38:01):
You have got to go to end of the line.
You're lucky that our security guard is busy right now,
because if she hadn't been busy, I would have asked
her trouble you at this point? Yeah, this is three times.
If this was an airplane, you'd be taste and removed.
But it's a bank. And if it was a comedy show,
it would be great because the three is a comedic number.
(38:21):
That's true. Yeah, but it's not your turn either. Sorry,
I don't care. I'll wait forever. I love it here.
I can let them go ahead of me. I don't
want to cut ahead of anyone in line. I'll be quick. Alright, fine,
what do you need to hold on? Hold on one
moment here, I have an announcement to make. I'm holding
(38:44):
this bank up. Wait, everybody on the ground, if you
can see me one second. Oh, I'm holding the bank up.
Just one quick second. I got ninety seconds before the police.
Oh wait, I can see the note he was going
to hold the bank out. I oh, that is hilarious.
Can I close my account before? This is not a
(39:05):
good time to close an account. I am sorry. We're
not going to be able to do that. In fact,
I don't know who to respond to first. I was like, honestly,
I was in line. I got it. I said it aloud.
You know, I kind of care everybody on the ground. Look,
that's comedy. Three is about this gun sweating. I wouldn't
(39:27):
mind a stack of those gerald Fords. I've gone formes.
How did you know they were even here? Get me listen.
I am not prepared to deal with three robbers. I
just I was here first. I was here first. But
I said it aloud. First a second, I'm sorry you
guys are here well, I mean, I mean I was
(39:47):
here first. Granted I have been a little pushy, but
I feel bad. You came in so hot. It was
great and I thought so. But I don't want to overstep.
I don't want to know it's okay to you. Well,
I've spent my time. Now, I have bagged up all
of the cash into this one bag, okay, and I
am going out. I don't have that much in my account. Oh,
(40:08):
I'm sorry, sir. I couldn't close your account before I
brought them their minds. How much money was in your account?
I could put your card if you give me your license,
give me my license. Okay. By the way, where where
you from? Originally? Arizona? Yeah? Father was working there in
the mind and then my mom was also working in
(40:29):
the mind. But now you said originally yeah, Well that's
a great question. Not in my shirt pocket. I always
asked myself that where am I from? Now? Seventy three
I've looked it up for you. Seventy three dollars in
your accounts? And how much money? Isn't that big bag
of money? I didn't count it. I just emptied all
if you had a guess, quarter million dollars? All right,
(40:53):
all right, what's your name, sir? My name is Okay,
why don't you get license? You should know it. This
is Michael, Michael Shivel. Okay, why don't we give Mr
shivelll I've once knew it a fellow by that name.
That's your Mr. Your name, Michael Shivell. Why don't we
(41:13):
give Mr Shivell his money? That's really nice of you
in cash and I can rob him. Get okay, okay, right,
and then you guys take the rest of the to
rob you. I got to be honest. I have to
actually hand this bag off to somebody. Now. If I
do anymore with it, I'm complicit in this crime. Okay,
I don't want to. I guess I don't want to
touch it first. Do you want to touch the bag first? Yeah?
(41:36):
How about it? Ever, I'll touch it. There you go,
thank you. Could I just interject with something here? Yes,
Mr Shivell, everybody get on the goddamn everybody. This is
a stick up. Okay, that's what I was looking for
in my pants at a found it. This is your bank,
(41:58):
Mr Shivell, which is this is Ship's bank. You're on
Candra right now? They know who you want? Yeah, you
know who I am. I don't care right this is
not what I was expecting. I'm not scared weirdly, come
is it's weird? Yeah? I feel pretty scared over here,
but it seems like you guys are all working it out.
It's the Buzuoka loaded Hell yeah, it's a little bit.
(42:22):
What would be the point of carrying around aroundloaded Bozuka? Well,
I don't know why. I don't seems cartoon. Yeah, it's
real bazooka Joe. Yeah, I see that was that funny.
I didn't think so. I'm in the comedy class. I'm
not an expert yet. It couldn't. Man, Look while you're
(42:43):
waving that around their partner. Look, every Bazooka Joe has
a has a joke in it. Yeah, and a piece
of gum. Yeah, give me my goddamn money. I'm sorry,
but the money is in that back right there, and
you're gonna have to take it from well, we've called
him Arizona at this point, um, so you'll have to
(43:03):
take it from Arizona, all right, Mr Shivel. I'm ready
to die. Don't don't get crazy there, young youngster. I'm
ready to die. Why do you say that? I don't
know where I'm from. I don't have a home. I
just need to interrupt you just a moment, because I
like you guys, and I feel like if that bazooka
(43:24):
goes off, we're all done for Donna will be back
very soon. I don't know. She seemed to be hitting
it off that she had him in handcuffs, but like Dona,
this is what I'm saying. All right, we just we
get a couple hundred grand, you know what I mean,
We pop it up. Don't Oh, you have to go
(43:45):
check that out? Or can we talk about you know,
come o a the chicken strips. Huh extra chicken skating Raman. Listen. Yes,
I'm lonely and I've missed something fun and reckless. But
this is this is too much. You're waiting to get
into the bank. It's closed. I listen, Phil, I don't
(44:12):
know what brought us together today, But should you check
that out? I think it's okay. I don't want to
do that check it out. I don't want to check
it out and open this casino with me. Okay, okay, okay,
(44:32):
let's go to the bank right now, Let's pull the cash,
let's do this. Three years later, people are lining up
to get into the chicken casino? Alright, guts you, so
we're clear. It's a three hour away? Alright, three hours? Ok?
Is it a casino. It's gotta be a casino. We've
waited for three hours. This casino had better have slop.
(44:54):
I got my players caught online. Where's the where's the
slot machines? I'm hoping to get into a poker game.
I'm starving. It smells like chicken. Yeah, yeah, it does
smell a lot like chicken. And I did not come
here to eat. It smells like ice too. Do you
guys smell that sort of ice? Skate smell? Smell ice skates,
(45:17):
ice skating smell the rink? Whoa look at that? I mean,
I know why I'm I know why I'm waiting in line.
Did you all not know you're waiting three hours for
a casino? You don't know anything about this. They serve
the best chicken. I have never researched a casino. I
gambled at for the record. I just got in the line.
Whenever I see a line, I hop in. Oh, billboard
(45:41):
does work? Yeah apparently? I mean I'm here. It's my
understanding that the only thing you win here is delicious
food when they do you win it or do you
just buy? I guess my big hang up is are
we just buying chicken? Yeah? Well you will. You put
money into a slot machine, you select your order, you
pull the lever, and then outcomes your chicken. Oh I'm
not staying here. I think that sounds fine. Nobody can
(46:02):
leave the line, Okay, nobody can leave the line, all right?
Why can't we leave the line? Hey, no questions either. Okay,
someone to stay in the line. Once you get the front,
you can exit through the building. Okay, thank you. You
can exit through the building. Thank you, he said, and
the casino was never opened again. Casino open again. C
(46:25):
O A O A ny, you've done it again, concludes
today's reading Richard Landry. That was am I back in
the society completely completely? That was fantastic, What a fantastic
(46:45):
fiction story. Yes, my imagination is vivid casino that only
sells chicken. And it seems really more fat, very strange
outside the box, no doubt, yes, But do I make
it feel real? I know I'm just here is this
hype man? But damn, every time he read that chicken
can sing no ship, I get all excited. There is
(47:08):
sand on the sides of your mouth every time he
reads it. How many times have you heard that? Well,
I'm as hot man, so I'm hearing it a lot,
at about four times. Last week hard I just worn
on the car drop. We were boogie board and together yesterday. Memory.
He's got to be so good. But I'd like to
be in the society snow far. I don't think you've
(47:29):
ever written anything that would allow you to be a chance.
We'll give her a chance. I had no idea. And
if I could get another cup of gumbo. By the way,
this tastes like a smoothie with a twenty dollar bill
in it. Um, No, that can't be. I made this
gumbo myself, and you made yourself. I didn't have a choice.
(47:52):
There was nothing open to buy gumbo from. Where do
you get gumbo with a left in the morning? Your
questive just broken me? This is a Barnes Noble Hello, Hello, Hey,
what is me? I'm talking to you and you're not
(48:12):
even near me? Where are you? Who is this? Baguys
and so concludes another episode of alchemy. This ah, let's
meet our players, shower, Let's go around the bend and
see who's got special things? To talk about. James Heney
(48:33):
What do you got for? I've been releasing Brief News
Brief twice a week. You can find it on stitcher
now and where the folks to tune into the stitcher?
How does what is it under? A James Heeney? It's
under brief news Brief? Okay, Brief News Brief. Vanessa Raglan,
Oh my have things been blown up at Yeah? People
(48:56):
should come on down to Dynasty. You can find the
it our schedule at Dynasty Typewriter dot com and we've
had great stuff. Last week Conan came. I mean it's
like dreaming and so do that and Instagram Dynasty Typewriter
not Conan O'Brien, but still it was a really nice guy. Yeah, Barbaria,
(49:16):
Joey Grey, What do you got for? Bears apply at
the West Side Comedy Theaters every second and fourth Wednesday
at nine o'clock and then in conversation with music at
the DYNT. You did a show at the Dynasty Typewriter.
Did you not killed it? I heard it was sold
out and hilarious, So you'll be going back soon perhaps.
Greig Kakowski at Kaikowski on Twitter, at Craigslist Peak Cast
(49:38):
for my movie podcast at Orange Tuck's Improv for my
improv Endeavors improv. It's not related to improvisation, Chris Alvarada.
I don't think I've once mentioned my improv team Heyday.
Let's do that now, Yeah, yeah, yeah, Hey Day as
a great team. And what with the closure of IO
(50:00):
and all, we've been doing a lot of shows all
over the city, including finding a home at the Second
City and at the West Side Comedy Theater. So I
don't know, check out Hey Day Improv somewhere. All right,
look at those calendars the west Side Comedy dot com
and uh you said Second City, that's right? Oh great,
all right. I want to thank our engineer, Doug Baam,
Doug Bam, everybody, yes, and duty and the fine folks
(50:23):
and how stuff works. What are you up to, Kevin?
I don't see how that's your business until next time.
Uh say bye bye everybody, Bye bye. Tw
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
Popular Podcasts
United States of Kennedy
United States of Kennedy is a podcast about our cultural fascination with the Kennedy dynasty. Every week, hosts Lyra Smith and George Civeris go into one aspect of the Kennedy story.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com