March 24, 2020 • 52 mins
Cops Test Street Drugs… Getting Out Of A Parking Ticket… Bunk Acid At The Woods Festival…
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy This. I'm your host, Kevin. Yes,
that's Kevin Pollock. What's that? Yes? I do think we
need to take precautions to avoid being infected by COVID nineteen,
but I also think we should stop behaving as if
eleven million zombies are running at us. Everyone chilled with
buying all the toilet paper and water. Please, it's going
(00:30):
to be played to a loudspeaker, by the way, when
everyone's dying. Also, also take solace in knowing that my
fellow Jews and I, if not all Hypochontracts, have been
waiting a lifetime for this. It's not easy complaining about
nothing your entire life, But now I've got something real.
(00:53):
Ifuse expression those of mine and mine alone, Kevin poll
But I digress. Alchemists, Shall we know? Partict lorder say,
how do you pooh? To Caroline Cartter? Caroline, Caroline, Caroline, Caroline. Um,
if you were a cat, what would your favorite treat be? Oh? Um,
(01:13):
the cheese on, like cheese chips. Yeah, I was picking
my eyes the cheese on, not your cheese chips, just
the cheese. Yeah, that's what my cat used to like.
Stay away, from the chip itself. Yeah, you licked the
cheese off Gena's cat. He's dead now, having nothing to
do with the cheese. Who knows? Who knows? Stop the
(01:35):
press is It's James Heeney, Jim, Jim, what's your favorite pie?
My favorite pie? I like if this is embarrassing, but
you know I don't get the pies I want all
the time, but the one. I'm asking you what your
favorite pie is, So in this scenario you can have
(01:55):
any pie. James, Chicago Deep Dish. That's why you don't
deserve the pies you want all the time. That is
such the correct man to check your window. It's Chris Alvarado,
Christopher the mystifer. What's the last bodied part you clean
when showering? The last through the order? What are we
(02:19):
doing last? I mean probably feed yeah, feed area toes, yeah, toes.
Scrub him up nice. Yeah. I'm a big fund guy though,
like clean guy, I like to get in there and
do the thing. I knew you were there. I really,
I really really really can't move forward with that, just
quickly quickly mentioning that James Heeney has two ridiculously superpowered
over caffeinated drinks. In front of him, and I'm scared
(02:41):
for his help. He's one of them, and one of
them may made the mistake. I don't even know how
to open this. The top of it's weird and childlock
for him. They know that he shouldn't have it. It's
not a normal top to a drink, and now I
can't have it till the end. I think pace yourself
is what you're no more calls. It's Craig Katkowski. What's
(03:02):
in the following locations would you travel to if given
the opportunity to visit only one? Antarctica? Kill Kenny Ireland
or James and he's kitchen for hashbrown Okay Ben to
kill Kenny hash Browns there um Antarctica is tempting, tempting
going away. I mean it's minus forty you know fahrenheit.
(03:28):
You know it's it's very dangerous. But I think there's
something about the rawness of the landscape. The answer to
the Antarctica even consider it's willing to commit. And that's
why I asked him that question. Uh, and last, but
may you are sliding screen door be unable to lock
if you think at least it's Joey Greer, Joe blow
it out your pie hole. Complete the following. Colonel Muskard
(03:50):
in the library with the two prostitutes, with the two prosts.
I don't know what he's doing it there, hotel us,
I can't. There's kids, there's kids who watched this. Done kids, Jamesons,
you set up a camera again that we don't know about,
not today, but I've actually got for the Patreons. I
(04:12):
have already put one up and the house. Oh it's
kind of a secret with me and the Patreon I
know right here in the studio. I should bring it
back again. Uh, because we recorded one I don't know,
back in October, and I put that one up and
then there's another recording. I'm gonna put that one up
to thank you, James. All of our scenes suggestions they
(04:33):
are gathered from either Patron v I p s or
your listener emails. If you'd like to submit one of yours,
please write to the podcast at your name here at
alcomy this dot com. That's your name here and alcomey
this dot com. If you'd like to join the Patron supergroup,
just go to Patreon dot com slash alcomy this. Uh.
This first thing is to be read only patron v
(04:54):
a P. Nicholas wrote, Hi, Kevin, I really like the
infectious energy of your group many a time at help
me through dark times like when my lambo was parked
by an ambulance yesterday. We have the greatest listeners, but
I don't, and by that I mean the worst. But
I digest, he wrote, here's my review, love him or
(05:16):
leave him? Those ad libin alchemists arrived twice a week,
so he just gave a stat happens, not a real opinion.
I for one, adore their cherubic faces and want to
have them over for dinner. Best Nicholas from munich. I'm
sorry that doesn't count because I do not see it
in the reviews. That's why he wrote it directly to us.
(05:38):
But that's kind of review we want, we need, We
need those of you folks to stop by. However, you
get your podcast and write a review, please, it really
does help. See. Number one, however, comes from patron v
i P. Dave, who wrote, still a big fan, I
love a little update. Still enjoying the patron v i
P perks. Recently I saw this news are a cool
(06:00):
came across my feed where a local police department has
offered to inspect or test anyone's meth for COVID nineteen.
Of course, my assumption is that they'll immediately be arrested,
but who knows. I'd love to see a scene where
we see the people either show up to have their
drugs tested, or maybe the conference room where the police
are brainstorming these sorts of ideas. Keep up the great work,
(06:24):
blah blah blah, ETCETERA day from spring Field, Missoura. Look, Cherry,
I'm gonna go up to them. I'm gonna ask the look.
They're here to protect and service. All right, I know,
I know we're to get you. Pick me up? All right?
All right? Here, put on this hat? Okay, this here? Okay,
you look good? All right, come on, follow me here
we are Can I help you? Hello, officer, officers, we
(06:50):
are we're freaking out. We are two businessmen. We found
something in the street. This this package, this white We
don't know so work from out of town? You guys
an improv group? What's happening? What's improv? It sounds like
a low form of art. Is your friend? Okay? What's
(07:12):
going on? Well? So we're businessman, as you can tell
by his tie in his hat, and we were trying
to make a business deal and we found this white substance.
You were trying to make it do a business deal? Yeah,
And we found this white substance in this little baggie
here and he ingested it accidentally, So we may have
ourselves a nine one one. Well, yes, maybe what we
(07:32):
were hoping you could test this to see if this
stuff is pure. Yeah, let's do that. Great, thank you.
To get back to the last on the streets and
intuition a university. Well, how do you think I'm gonna test?
I thought maybe you had like a little you know,
like Okay, okay, you're tasting it? Is that pure? Is it?
(07:53):
It's a low grade meth? Okay, great, we'll take that
back from me. You have, I'm gonna go ahead and
keep an eye on this. Is that all you needed? No,
he has a couple of questions for him. What's up, ghostboy?
Duncan listen? Okay, I've understanding you've been taking certain drugs
in the death sergeant and and just tasting them. Sure, okay,
(08:13):
what's the problem. What's the problem is you're getting high
at your post? Yeah? Alright, now everyone knows you get
high on meth by David, your little pinky getting a wet,
putting the baggy and sucking on that pinky. Okay, I
don't think everyone knows that they I think everyone that
we've had a pretty good p s A program going
on to all these different schools and all different churches,
so people should know. If they don't know, we need
to get on. I didn't see the p s A.
Do you have one on you? Yeah? Actually I do
(08:35):
on your phone. Yeah. Let me just play the video here. Now,
mind you, the sound quality might not be as good
as we'll be on a movie theater quality, but movie
theater here. We actually got a famous actor to do this,
So check this out. Drugs, Hi, have you ever been
doing drugs and you wanted to make sure that those
drugs were really pure because you were worried that when
(08:57):
you lit the fire to do the drugs, it would
be hot enough to kill the virus. Well, good news.
Now hold on one second, now I understand you talking
about virus inside the drugs. Okay, alright, so just so
you know which favorite famous actor opt that was. That's yeah.
So he's trying something new. He's got new Disney movie
coming out where he plays a worm, so he's in character,
(09:20):
but just just the virus thing. It's don't worry about it.
He brings it up a lot. Don't worry about it. Okay,
just okay, let me just continue. Actually, let me rewind
it from the Have you ever been doing drugs and
wondered to yourself? Is it pure? Will this virus be
able to survive the lighter that I used to hoo?
And is? These are definitely pure drugs? Don't worry about it.
(09:43):
You definitely don't need to go and get it tested.
What kind of worm is he playing in a Disney movie?
He's playing a Safarian worm. It's this made up thing
from the Wizard of Oz. You it's part of the companium,
uh and a companium And so it's Disney Plus. Do
you think it's coming to theme No, Disney Plus only
it's streaming straight to video. You know what I'm confused
(10:04):
by is Hulu Plus? What do you mean? Why the plus?
Who doesn't have a Hula Plus doesn't? Are you serious? Yeah?
I am serious? What paying nineteen dollars a month? A
sergeant Duncan you left the desk empty? And do you
know about this Hulu Plus? Oh? Yeah, yeah, I got Hulu.
Plus you can get FX on there like the whole efs,
you know, back catalog like Niptuck. My wife and our
(10:27):
big Niptuck fans. You get Niptuck? Are you serious? You
can't get You prefer the Nip Nip of the two
main guys. I like Nip, yeah the better. But Tuck
is funny. Sure it's got his moments. Yeah. So you're
gonna watch the desk or you're saying I should get back,
saying that you left the desk empty. All right, And
this guy brought some hair, this substance body to see
(10:48):
if it's heroin. Oh, and let me check it up.
I think you got to shoot it up. Oh shit, really,
I think feelin before. I think it's just why do
you shoot it up? No, George, don't you shoot it up? No? No,
The only way to know, I don't know. I mean,
there was a Niptuck when when a guy guy I
got it all hopped up on here, when then he
(11:09):
went right to Nip, he went to nip. Don't spoil anything,
don't spoil anything, year old, I don't care, no listen,
Razor Blade, I mean no disrespect. We love your product.
Just some of the guys on the street are a
little worried that maybe it's not as up to par
(11:31):
as it could be up to the highest standards. Perhaps,
what are you talking about? When I make my drugs,
I just got such a runny nose. It's wooey and
us is this guy? I've got the same problem you have.
I yeah, this is pouch pouch uh. My thing with
my drugs when I make them, they're dirty. Yeah, I
(11:54):
make dirty drugs. Oh see, that ain't good. That ain't
good for us. Anyone got a clean X, he's go listen.
Thank you, raised blade. I hate to do this, but
I think I might have to take my business elsewhere.
I'm looking for a perfect take business elsewhere. I'm gonna
kill you and then take you to the cops in
that order. Yeah, I'm gonna do. If you'll talk to them,
(12:15):
then I'm gonna take my chances. I'm not saying I'm
gonna tell on you. I'm saying I got to go
to a better drug supplier. I know I understand what
I'm saying. To go to another drug supply, I'm gonna
kill you. Can I help people? Is that a dead bunny? Yeah?
I thought you'd bring that into it. I'm not. This
body came here on its own will and volition. I
just accompanied it. I have nothing to do with it. Right,
(12:37):
Can I get you anything? Do you want to touch anything?
We can touch them? Taste Myers, charging Duncan anybody else
come in with heroin? Please? Man? Forget sake, Tim Jones
and hold on a second. I want to marry Oh yeah, yeah,
we got it tested. Ok we got it tested. As
(12:57):
long as I can get it back, yes, surely. Okay,
this stuffs dirty? All let me get it. It's in
this guy's Let me find a good vein. Yeah, the
only thing the right, George, thank you so much for
bringing into your house. Check a little NIPTUXI that Hulu
(13:17):
plus you've been talking about. Yeah, wake up, all right? Sorry, Okay,
I've been chasing Dragon free for a couple of weeks.
Dragon Gang. Yeah, I understand that. Yeah, now listen. I
really appreciate it, George. George, I appreciate everything you've been
doing at the Force. I love it. I actually want
to give you a secret detail. Yeah secret. Should I
(13:39):
be in the room for this? Sorry, it's okay. You
actually should know about this because the thing I'm going
to offer George is highly dangerous and most likely would
end up in your death. So it's me. I feel
like I want to leave the room. I don't think
I really want to. I think everything should be above board.
I think everything should be above board, like my husband's
new heroin addiction. Funny Mommy, why dadously George? George? Who
(14:05):
George George? You know me, I'm the captain. Okay, I'm
the captain. Now to put on Niptuck. We have to
put on Niptuck. It's the only thing that comes him down.
This is a really good episode. Don't I need you
to go. Don't ruin it. I need to don't ruin it, Nip,
don't don't ruin it either. Goddamn family, George. I need
(14:26):
to go undercover and Razor blades. I need to infiltrate Razor.
I don't want to hear this. I don't want to
hear he die. Proby wants to die, George, wake up
someone that wants to die? Who wants to die? My sister?
She's depressed and love is marriage? Okay, all right, I
(14:50):
don't know what. I'm sorry you said. You don't know, Jonathan.
I don't need anything. I think I'll just sleep today. Well,
you've just been sleeping a lot. It's the only thing
that brings me joy. Why don't we watch something together.
There's got to be something new. Let's look through this list. Jonathan,
you have lipstick on your collar. This it's probably don't
you don't. It's probably from you. Hey tuk, come on,
(15:13):
we gotta get out of here. No, I like it.
I want to listen to this episode. Look at all
these scalpels. We gotta pick witched couples, the right one
because there was one that's good dynamite and we gotta
diffuse it. Oh ship, Maybe it's just why did we
go wrong? Jonathan? I think things are going great? They
can't true. You can't believe things are going right? Are
going well? Why what do you mean why? I sleep
(15:34):
all day? But that's something that I've given you. Haven't
even giving you a hug, and I don't know two
months you know? Oh, I gotta go get the door.
Hold on a second, open up at your brother in law.
Come on in. Hey, Hey, hey, good to see you. Sorry,
(15:55):
I wasn't expecting company. Hi, Hi, how are you feeling?
I'd either be dead if I'm being honest. Hey, hey,
what do you gut? What's going on here? I feel
like you're the last one to know, Jonathan, what even
he knows? That's why he's coming over to check on me.
Let's see you're watching Niptuck. Yeah, Season four, episode thirteen.
I know my beds a little. Did you want to sit? Yeah,
(16:20):
I gotta. I'm tired. Yeah, I'm so tired. Yeah. We're
just gonna take a nap here for a while too, Jonathan.
But I was sleeping in at the door. Please, okay,
get the cat out of here too, thank you. Okay, alright, guys,
I'll be downstairs if you need anything. You don't need
to be okay, I'm gonna get you another drink? Yeah,
(16:44):
another water? You're gonna buy something or just put some
mice in it to the top, bring it all the
way up, and I probably won't need to get one
so quick as last time. It was a half full
glass of waters. Well, what's half full? Thanks? Aren't so bad?
And that scene seemed to come from Colin or reading coupemists.
(17:08):
I hailed from the ruling countryside of England that listened
to your podcast from the very beginning. I have just
become a paying subscriber on Patreon. So ya for you,
that's our best review yet. My work involves me walking
around in public all day, and you're hilarious. Meanderings in
my ear have caused me to burst out laughing many
(17:30):
a time. But what's that? What job do I do? Well,
I'm glad you asked. I'm a civil enforcement officer, traffic warden,
parking meterman, spawn of Satan. Just use whichever title you
think most appropriate. I tell you this as it is
relevant to my scene suggestion, which is an officers issuing
(17:52):
a parking ticket. When the driver comes back, they start
spouting an incredible excuse as to why they shouldn't have
the ticket, and so on. You know how this goes.
I'd love to see it. Please can't wait to hear
how this became inappropriately sexual. But I'm sure you'll all
think of something. Colin, Yeah, okay, just well, I mean, look,
when I get home, I'll be able to fix it.
But just don't worry. I came here and the meter
(18:14):
was out, so you have to when I get home.
But hold on, when I get home, I can fix it. Okay,
So just let me get home and then I can
fix it, okay, and I just need to get home first. Okay,
all right? Is that cool? I'm gonna do it. I
understand it sounds like you left your wallet at home,
but I right now the meter is flashing rest but
it wasn't flashing red before. Do you understand that? Where
(18:36):
were you? I've got a quarter. I'll just popping in
really quick. There. Does that help? No? Because I was
here when the meter was read. That's a felony. Man,
What I gotta go? Uh see you guys later. I
don't think that was a felony. I don't either. I
don't know. Look, I'm just trying to say, I when
I get home, I I can When I get home,
(18:56):
I can fix me. I'm starving. Can we just pay
her like my wife starting? Okay, she didn't set the car.
I need to feed her once a month and this
is the day. Hey, their lady whatever she's asking if
I don't, If I don't feed her, to turn into
a bat woman. Hey, Jenny, need some backup here? Yes,
thank you? Okay, not pay the fucking I didn't go
(19:19):
home pay that. Wait. Wait, we're not asking him to
pay home. I didn't go home to figure you're we're
not taking you understanding. You don't understand she's going to
turn into a bat. Okay, you don't understand. Okay, I
do understand because I've seen that happen before. Right, keep
some bad drugs. Fuck you, parking enforcement, you're fascist. Sorry,
(19:40):
that's my ex boyfriend. He follows me around when I
go to work sometimes and fascist take this best bike
car me just leave. Okay, here's the best. I've given you.
The ticket, I have your license, nothing, he's the one
he could leave. Wait wait women, his girlfriend can even
get you a ticket. Wait wait wait, if I go home,
(20:03):
I can fix it. Hey Carl, Carl, Yeah, I heard
you screaming at us over there, clings fascist and stuff. Yeah,
hey listen, So what do you guys are a thing? Now? Well,
that's kind of what I want to talk to you about. Um,
obviously we're work partner. We're work partners. You know that
I just missed her so much, and I take it back.
(20:26):
I didn't mean all that stuff I said. That's okay.
I want to tell you she's um. She's kind of
been talking about you a lot lately. Really, Yeah, you know,
I've been not feeding the meters, hoping to get a
ticket to run into you guys, but you know you haven't.
You haven't got me yet. Yeah, I don't know if
he doesn't really work that way. Maybe. Sorry, I know
we're just in the middle of having sex. But I
(20:49):
just have you seen Jeremy lately? You know my egg car? Yeah, Carl,
you're Jeremy. Sorry, I'm just like hamorzing we're having Um. God,
he looks good, right, I know, I know, like he's
got like this inner energy. Good. Hold on, yeah, yeah,
(21:14):
do you want to smoke? Huh? Yeah, my god, Carl
loves smoking too. You gotta hit it down. So she's
been talking about me. Yeah, yeah, I mean like kind
of a lot. I mean, I know it's been a year,
but I think I think here's what I see from
(21:34):
the outside. I see somebody who's taking a year of
having a heartbroken to become a better person. That's my
accord right there. But so, well, what kind of were
you looking for? You looking for uh, for a special
occasion or Okay, so I know it's it's one month's salary, right, Um,
I have I have, I have two thousand dollars here.
(21:54):
That's one month's salary. You're probably living a nice home.
What uh two months too much? That's too much salary. Yeah,
so it's gonna be four grand. No, I brought two
thousand dollars. I have as much as two thousand dollars
to spend today today. Okay, there any rings for that?
(22:19):
There is? There's one ring. I mean this does it matter?
If it's true? Love? Of course it does. I'll up
me a deal. It's true. To cut your deal, I'll
knock it down and I'll add five. Hey, Jim mechanic,
give me one second. Ok Okay, do you make it
a question for you? Well? You talk to customers like that?
(22:39):
I'm sorry, pop up? Why don't you just sell them
a good how many things? If I just go home?
If I just go home, I can fix it? Fix it? Okay? Okay, Hello, Hi,
I'm with the FBI. You can probably tell my badge
(23:00):
and then no nope, okay, come on, vampires, cats are
my cats? Do you have any idea as to why
I'm here? Uh? Why don't we say it at the
same time? Okay? On the count three one, two three,
(23:24):
listen you want. We can't have assholes like you put
in quarters in meters that aren't yours. Do you understand
what I'm saying. Yeah, do you understand? I guess so
that's really tight on my arm. For I'm gonna let
you up and let you up slowly, all right? Now?
Do we have an understanding? Yeah? You tapped into a
crazy criminal ring what down on main Street? So it
(23:49):
has nothing to do with the cat the cat racket
I've got. I don't give a shit about your cats.
What I care about is you fucking with the meters
because the meters go deep. It was just one quarter goes.
I mean, I'm you're kind of breaking up. You said
you found a new girlfriend. Is that right? Mom? Mom,
I'm getting married. Oh my god, he's getting Mary on
(24:10):
the phone. It's Carl that side. He's getting mad. What
does he want money? Why? Anything? He just doesn't need money.
Oh he doesn't need that. Your dad wants to know
if you didn't find dad, I'm gonna send you some money.
How much? Kill you? Fascist? I don't worry about what
is he saying about the money? I could you? I
could use like two I said that, dope. Do don't
(24:32):
even avoid baby Jesus Christ, I'm enjoying it. Do you
like that? Ship? We don't stop let's just go to
let's go okay, Hello, oh ship, Carl. Wait wait, Jerry, Jeremy,
(24:58):
what are you doing? Hi buddy? You said you come in? Carl,
I'm so sorry you're seeing Let me get to let
me get to. Hey, come in. Do you want something
to drink? You want um to sit? You wanna watch
a movie? We want to? Should I keep recording this
or no? We can kind of make it cool. Jerman
(25:22):
lied to me. You said you guys weren't a couple. Oh,
we're not. You guys were just making love. Well, we
don't use the L word here, right, Janet just pounding
it hard. We're pounding it hard. She likes the pound
and I like the pound. Carl. You get that. Jenna.
I heard you've been talking about me a lot. Yeah,
(25:42):
a little bit and blushing now I am. Yeah. I
know it's been a year since we were together. But listen,
I'm gonna let you do this. Camera guy follow me.
I want to shave my fridge. Look, this is happened
to you. I don't know. Oh my god, you would
do the her. It will there be something in there eventually, Yeah,
that will be a ring in there eventually. But this
(26:05):
is the case. I could only afford the case. But
just imagine a ring in there and then that ring
going on your finger. I'm waiting for some money from
my mom. Of course she's still doing that. Yeah, that's
really nice of hers. Your dad he's a bastard. Yeah, um, sorry,
this is so. I wasn't expecting this at all. I
was like just having sex with ray I saw yeah,
(26:28):
um yeah, but yes you will, Yeah, I'll do it.
So welcome to the gang. What we do around here
is we go when we put a little quarters instead
of meeters, not regular sized quarters, little quarters. Alright, you
mean dimes. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. You don't know what you think tidy quarters.
He's dimes. That was with this guy for a while.
(26:52):
Wait wait, wait a second, wait a second, it's you know,
he said, Wait a second, I've got a rash and
contains really well underneath my shirt. Open it up. The
flakes will get really close to your eyes. Alight. We
need not contagious. It's just flaky engross. Oh, it's only
(27:12):
contagious when I take my clothes off. Give him lesson,
you know what? What's what's the disease called you know,
I'd rather not say make it up. You should know
in case one of us have contracted it already. Banana,
banana leprosy, that's worth banana. I have banana. Last year
(27:34):
you did left lost my legs. Yeah, look at her.
We should at least take a look at the rest
so we can identify. I'm looking at your chart here
and I don't have great news. I'm afraid. Could you
share this news with me when the mob is not
with me? I think everyone should probably hear this. We
(27:55):
care about yours. Don't know if we really want to
have you brought them well, they made me bring that out.
They want to die. If it's bad news, yeah, I'm
gonna whack you. You You understand it's not bad bad if
it's banana. You gotta be straight forward with us, all right.
It'sa like I don't think go into the bathroom and
shove the wire up your ass. Okay, guys, I need
(28:17):
to use the P I get P I gotta, I gotta,
I gotta. I just need to alone. I don't think
you should be alone. Spirally, we should all go in
the bathroom. Let's go with you. Stay away from the
P a Okay, okay, listen to me. I'm in your ear.
You're probably gonna die. You're probably gonna die. If anything
(28:38):
you want to say, say it now. I'm not alone.
Oh I know we we know you do. I can't
say yes, you can. You can say okay, I gotta
be okay, we'll come into the stall with you. Pleasely
gonna die. You're probably gonna die. Stop actually stop? Okay, alright,
what's up your stuf? Me? Maybe you you know what?
(29:03):
Let me a couple of sheets? Okay, here you go.
I was kidding. Can I get more than a couple
of Okay? All right, here's here's the rules. Just honestly,
it's just connected. So you're not alone. I've got a
several several crown men. Wody. Yeah, I'm better now, it's good. Yeah,
(29:25):
I had the thing you have. I had a thing
in my anal canal. Oh my god, had a remotely
I'm going freely. It's important that we get them to
admit to some of these crimes before you die. You
don't think that we already? Agent Lawson? Are you effing
my eyehole? Right now? What the hell is this? I've
(29:46):
got sixteen hours of a guy shitty, no audio, sir,
What do you mean? Yes, sir, No, sir, I got nothing.
I got no case. You want me to try the
Gambingo family. No, no, sir, right, no, sir. I need something.
I need some con Okay. I need to know how
they're putting those tiny quarters into those machines. Sir, tonight,
just give me just tonight, it's going down. Detective Carter,
(30:09):
if you could just answer the lawyer's question, please, that's
why you've been sworn in. Speak as truthfully as you
can about what you did and didn't hear. Okay? Is
that what? Now's answer that question? Or I thought the
lawyer was gonna ask me. The lawyer has just asked
you to let the jurors know what it is you
(30:31):
did here on the fifteen hours I heard on the
fifteen hours of tape for the game Bingo need to
be called the whole thing. Just tell the jurors what
I heard people talking. Oh my god, people talk? Are
people talking about the quarters? I heard people talking about
banana and so uh, let the record show. Let the record. Counsel,
(31:01):
did you have any direct questions for the witness? Yeah?
I got a question, thank you? Who the fuck do
you think you are? Answer the question? Is that the question?
Answer the question? Look at me and want some water?
Have some water? You think I said just too much ice? Well,
(31:25):
if you let it sit, it will become water, it'll overflow.
Answer the question with the fuck do you think you are?
Now it's been repeated. I think I am the son
of a farmer. I think I'm the daughter of a welder.
I think you are the son of Antonio Gambingo. And
(31:45):
I think you've been in this deep deep for a
very long time. Am I right? You have to answer.
You've been given anough this one, and so go ahead
and answer. Yes, ladies and gentlem into the jerry. He
is the son of Antonio again, being he's in the
gam bigger family. He tried to sell me a ring
(32:07):
or your dad kept beating you order order. Do you
have any more questions for the witness? Uh? No, very well,
the questioning to recess for lunch early today, and uh
please do not speak about what you witnessed here in
the courtroom while you're at lunch. And Jimmy's is great
(32:30):
right around the corner there. Although the pickles tend to
be a little tired. I think that was great. I
think I think that one really good. Yeah, yeah, I
think that was really really good. Who had the tuna fish?
H I only have one, so you can have it? Yeah,
yeah you have. They cut it in half. Do you
(32:52):
want to just know? So you should have a whole
sand that's a nice ring. It's a nice ring. Thank you.
I got it from my ex boyfriend. We're getting married. Yeah,
so current boyfriend, no, current fiance, yes, exactly, ex boyfriend,
yeah exactly. Yeah. I'm sorry to interrupt your meal. Are
(33:12):
you the detective that's on trial right now? Yes, yes,
it's you're doing such a good job. I'm atur thank you.
I just gotta be honest. I can't keep my eyes
off of you. Do you mind if I sit and
eat with you? Number four? Hey, yeah, i've been seeing
you all. I've just been watching the case. Um yeah
from the courtroom. I think he's innocent. Huh innocent? Yeah? Maybe?
(33:37):
Excuse me, folks, if anybody's driving a gray niece on
they're about to tow it out front? Is anyone driving
a great nie? Clearly not? But thanks? Okay, yeah, what
do you drive? By the way, I drive a great niece.
It's it couldn't be. It could be. It couldn't be mine.
I always paid the meter. No one here fully not
(34:00):
me driving. They're hooking. I can see they're hooking it
up right now. Check on your is your license plate eight?
L O M three one two? Yes, that is? What's
a personalized license? Okay, what does that mean? What is
it again? L O M three one two? Is your
personalized license? I mean? Alam? Is your car? You check
on the My name is Alam. Yeah, No, it's so folks.
(34:25):
They're telling it now. So just check on the car.
See if it is. I always beed my meter. They're
sucking the car up. Man. Actually, you know there's games
going on with tiny quarters that will feed your meter
for you. So that's not what's happening in your car.
It didn't happen for you. It didn't happen for you.
They're towing the car. Anyway. I hope you had a
(34:46):
great hell get My name is Alas to see three
comes from Patroon v I. P. Jordan's, who wrote for
Kevin's Only j A group of college students take their
first hits of acid, but they were sold fake acid.
(35:08):
Much love Jordan's love being a part of the Patreon.
Jordan's uh so, how long does this normally take to
kick in? You know, in my experience, way less time
than this. Yeah, it's my guess is it's just bunk acid?
We should do? You want to just take the rest?
What did you see? What happens bunk acid? Bunk acid?
(35:30):
Have you never had any bunk acid? This is my
first time doing acid. Well, let me tell you, typically
you'd feel it within fifteen Where did you get Where
did I get? The same guy? I always get the
acid from what's his name? I can't give you his name?
Why not? Because I'm the guy who hooks you guys up?
How guy like three years and it's always been good. Yeah,
he goes through to Paul University's got a micro scott.
This is an anomaly. Yeah, my guesses is it probably
(35:53):
my tripping right now? Are you because I don't feel
it yet? Hey, you guys just say you know fake
couches playing on the Green stage about twenty minutes. I
love fake couch. Why are you telling us? I just
want everyone to know. Man, let the festival love be forever.
Do you work at the festival. No, I'm just a
guy who loves the festival. Member going for six years.
(36:13):
I love it, man, I love it. Man, love it.
Do you have a breakdown of all the bands in
what stages now? Oh? Yeah, man, that guy burned in
my memory stage from sixty five to seven fifteen. It's
gonna be funk Couches, right, and then fake Couches. I
think that's what it is, is burning my memory. Man,
do you have any extra acid? To have any extra acid? Yeah? Yeah,
(36:38):
I got it out tape to my chest. Oh okay,
so you'll tell him may that at the same festival
you booked Fake County, Fake Couch and fun Couches. Yeah.
It was an accident. It was an accident. Okay, look,
you're the best. Everyone knows that I'm in fake Couch.
We know fake couches. But Funk Couches is sucking here.
(37:02):
They're in a different stage at a different time. Wait,
we're both on the green stage. You're bother on the
green stage. Shit, if any idea? How confused people are
gonna get okay about this? We're the exact same genre
of music. I know. We have two names that begin
with an F and his C. The word couches in
both of our names. I know. Okay, how about this.
We're British. Have you spoken to the lead singer of
(37:24):
Funk Couches. I talk to them. He's a great guy.
I don't talk. I don't give a fuck what he says.
We're gonna fucking throw anything if those facts again by
play people very similar? Now where no you fucking Tim Couch? Alright,
listen to me, what a fucking similar fucking study spoken
to him? He's a nice guy. Spiking that boy again
(37:45):
his trailer doors next to your keeps saying that. Or
you tell my brother there's no way, there's no way
in there. I'm going to talk to him. Okay, all right,
all right, you tell my brother will fight them all happen.
You guys are brothers anymore. I didn't know that a
(38:06):
little bit more. I Tim and Tom. I want you
to learn this instrument. I want you to play it
every day. All right. You've got the piano, you've got
the guitar. Okay, yes, thank you for that. All Right,
we're going to start with We're going to start with
a very simple song. Right. It's one that I wrote
about your mother. It's called Hey Nice. Okay, let's start
(38:28):
from the beginning. Do you sing it? You're singing. If
you'd like or I need you to play, I'm going
to sing the main line. You've seen the army. I'm
not gonna say almost sing the main now you see,
I'll just bloody said that. I've got to sing the
main line. Start drawing. I started. You're both great musicians.
(38:56):
Everyone likes your saying I run away. I think I
am starting to feel it. Yeah. Yeah, it's not really
feel it or see it, but I'm kind of hearing
an echo. Yeah, is that what that is? The hands
over my ears? Sorry, Hey, I'm sorry to bother you guys.
(39:18):
That seems like you're all having a good time. I
just gotta just let you all know. There's some some
some bunk acid has been going around. Think that's what
it's called. When you say bunk, do you mean not
effective or poisonous? I mean a hundred percent poisonous. Yeah,
it's been nosed bananas. Yeah, so people dropping legs. If
(39:39):
you look out there, you can see people just limping around.
You work at the festival? I do? I do work
at the festival. What do you do? I'm a vendor?
How come you don't have any like official nothing? You
under undercover? I don't know you fed. No, I'm not okay,
you're a I'm a judge. I could spot a man's
(40:02):
warehouse suit from a mile away. I'm gonna judge. What
are you doing at the festival? No, I wanted to
hear okame here to see Tim and Tom play for
the first time on the same stage. Years. Fake couch
and funk couch are gonna be I mean, that's the
word on the street, on the street, but a lot
of people are also dying from the bunk ascid. Okay,
one more time, gentlemen, one more time. Hold on, We're
(40:27):
gonna go to the playlist. Okay, all right, okay, fake couch.
You guys will get song number one with a nice
all right, okay, Paul. The blood is the only why
I'm gonna go on st is if we play the
exact same time our ound different playlists. What if what
(40:50):
if you both played your number one hit, which is
hey nice, simultaneously, so nobody's nobody's ahead of anybody else.
It's the same time. You take the main line on yours,
you take the mainline on yours. I'll have to talk
to the rest of my band. That sounds fair. Fun
Couch my band is all made of holograms, so it's
(41:11):
just me really then, yeah, I've touched on my fucking
band band. Okay, okay, hey, have a bottle of water.
Thank you? Is you want to to split up attle
of what you wants to shad? What this festival means
a lot to me? Okay, I'm a first time promoter,
and I was very lucky to get I know, but
(41:34):
not really, because now the fans get to see what
they've always wanted to see, funk couch and fake couch
and at least telling me that all the festival goers
are on legitimate acid. It's the only way my music works. Yeah,
I'm sure that's what my music works. It's people on acid. Look,
I've got a band full of animatronic bears, right yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right, Oh,
(41:57):
mine are just holograms and prints. Right Listen, I have
a narc out there. He's getting to find out if
there's good drugs are not? So just all right, good yeah, okay,
all right, right, good? Hey, Hey, so, how how's it?
How's it going with all the all the people out there?
Do they know you're a narc? No, I'm dressing I'm
(42:21):
dressed like a tree. Okay, good, So no one's really
talking to me because I look like a fucking tree.
That's good though, that's good. So what's the word. I
feel like an idiot. You said you had a really
good narc job for me. I said, awesome, and then
he gave me a tree costume. Well, this is the
Woods Festival, I know, I know at the damn festival
is I'm pissed. What can I do? Okay? What what?
(42:45):
Take me out of this damn tree cost cannot do that?
Why not? I want to talk to the people. Were
good with people. So what have you heard so far? Huh?
I can't hear anything through my damn leaves and branches,
so you don't know if bunk acid or good acid cheese? Christ?
All right, fine, get out of the tree costumes came
here and here put this on? Put this? What the fun?
(43:05):
That tree just burnt to you? Google goggas. This is
my first time out as a human who wants to
talk to me? It's so good A hello Woods. Hello,
we are fake coach. We are funk couch and together
(43:29):
we are fake funk coach. J think I must be
tripping O. Nice hey guice, nice nice you look like
(43:49):
my mom my, beautiful moms. Incle you're looking at very nice. Hello,
thank you so much. Oh gentlemen, that was great, That
(44:13):
was great. That was really something special out there. Bad news,
bad news what you're saying. I didn't even that incredible
have bad news you say? Nobody really heard it because
everyone's been taking punk acid and people were pretty much
dying out there during your seth. God, you fucking tell
(44:39):
you this right now. Now he's ever gonna again. Let
it was my first festival, and let me just shine.
They smite all rong, being so condescending, be nice to be.
I'm having a hard day. Everyone out there is fucking dead.
Had amatronic bears attack all the cute pitches getting to
its time? Are you ready to learn your second song? Then? Yes, ready,
(45:05):
the name of this one is look over there, look
over there, and then when we look over there, will
see the title and see your mum. You're long dead, mom.
She's it's been preserved perfectly right. She's smiling at you.
She likes the way you play. You and the piano,
you and the guitar. Is it a way to make
a blink? And now? Yeah, sure you don't go to blink.
(45:29):
Take some of this then, okaya going to get more
me to blink? Is this bunk? Now? It's quite cool.
It's good. Good. They're going to make your mother blink, right,
she's blinking it. It's like she's alive. Wow. But I'd
like to say to her. I want to say that, mom,
(45:50):
do you have any questions for it? She can hear you.
If me and Tom ever break up as a band,
you know, make it count there, then let me think about.
Let me just shoot off the hip. Uh uh, let's see.
Let's see. I got a question for you. Ye, Mom?
(46:10):
Did that kill you? Yes? I thought so? Right, So
you got that one at the door, all right, yeah?
What else would you like that? I mean when we
were little boys and all that. Uh, that was when
some master question found out about I've had that actually
murdered the mom. You know we've heard that. We've heard that. Yeah,
but you know, it's amazing getting back to get back
(46:32):
for all these years. It was nice. That was nice. Well,
we're happy to have you here on eighty nine point nine.
Casey r w W. All right, take it away with
your live set. I think we all want to hear Frank,
everyone hears as you can see, is packed in the office.
We all want to hear. Hey nice acoustic. That was
a little unplugged, Thank you, thank you. We've changed the
(46:53):
lyrics a little bit because working together and all inspired
us to do something most different. Oursaults kind reflect what's
going on in our lives. We appreciate that. Here at
eight point nine case Hong Kong. Everybody knows your call
letters at this point. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Did you
guys change the title of the name of the band
(47:14):
or is it still Figure? Yeah? Yeah, Now it's because
it can't be fake couch. It can't be funk couch.
So we decided to change our name to Turtle Community,
and that's what we are. It's still kind of a
working title. Well, we've started it. We made share it.
I learn a Turtle Community, Ladies and gentlemen, the world
(47:35):
premiere Turtle Community of doing their song. Hey nice at
a point nine case stop it nice nice, We'll look
it off. Beautiful. Mom, oh my god, nice to commune.
(48:08):
Want to say you did such a great job at
the festivals that tree stuff. You don't have to wear
the tree costume anymore. You're done. What I want to
see if you wanted to maybe do another festival for me.
Don't have to wear this damn thing. You have to
wear a different damn thing. What is it? A fish? Yeah,
I want to be a big fish. Yeah, you're doing
(48:30):
the undercover jobs. Yes, I'll do anything. Just pay me,
pay me and pay me and smack. Okay, I just
killed my sister in law. See three. That is our
show for this day. I want to thank all the alchemists, uh,
starting with Mr Chris Alvarado. Chris always a pleasure. Tell
(48:52):
folks how they might be able to find you, either
on the socials or live performing around town things. I
love this show. By the way, Yeah, as Alverado everywhere.
I think I tweeted once last year, so Twitter is
not a big thing for me. A lot of new
puppy content. I got a new puppy, so a lot
of new puppy content on my Instagram. His name is
(49:12):
Sunny McLean. We were in Santa Monty and we saw
this Irish park and so we said, exactly right, Uh,
and really I want to run the world to just
be hey, nice, nice sweet Caroline Cotter. Yeah, um, I
don't know, I'm at Cotter poop. I guess I need
(49:36):
a hobby or something. I think horseback. Yeah, I guess
I'll get horseback. Thank you, write them, don't write them. Yeah,
whatever I'll see, I'll get an opinion. Craig Kakowski at
Kakowski on Twitter, see Kakowski on Instagram. My dogs are
doing great, and uh, listen to Oasis who are in
(49:58):
no way the basis for for Tim and Tom and
when you can, folks. So I hope to hear the
number one favorite film on Craigslist. I really just got
to convince my wife to watch it. First. Let's say
it's a three hour movie about the Holocaust. There you go. Uh.
I don't know if that narrows it down at all.
(50:19):
Dr James. You can find a lot of stuff about
me on various review sites, and this one's from leftist
my Legs Gray. I don't know what it means, but
five star review. It's just just for James, is the title. Well,
I'm too poor for Patreon, but I will support through
a review for whatever it's worth. It's worth it all.
Thank you that came into you personally or to the podcast.
(50:41):
It well, it's for the podcast, but I just read
the reviews and I would say one third of the
reviews on the podcast are like just talking to me,
just like giving me messages, which I love. Seletory. Well, well,
sometimes I ask for the reviews and they don't come in,
and then over the past week we've just gotten a
pouring in of reviews, and a lot of them are
saying like James, like begged for this, and I'll give
(51:03):
it to me. I don't care why you do it,
but just do it. Oh, I love that. Yeah, we
should make a T shirt. And uh, Joseph of Grierman,
you know, I just gotta say about the Corona. Everyone
freaking out is the exact reason why we don't know
about aliens, right, and that's because we're missing because we're
just like everyone's going freaking out doing all this. Yeah,
just this is why we can't hear about cool ship.
(51:24):
Wait why because everyone goes in by toilet paper, you
know what I mean? What does that have to do
with the price of milk? Exactly? Yeah, that's my point. Anyway,
follow me on my conspiracy blog The Unknown is Inside,
And besides that, you can hear me screaming on corners. Okay,
look for Joey Girl on corners. I want to thank
(51:44):
our engineer and producer, Mr Doug Babe and I heart
Media right to the podcast. We'd love to hear from
your name here Lolcolm dot com. I'm your host, Kevin
pol until next time. And I pull and I pull
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy This. I'm your host, Kevin. Yes,
that's Kevin Pollock. What's that? Yes? I do think we
need to take precautions to avoid being infected by COVID nineteen,
but I also think we should stop behaving as if
eleven million zombies are running at us. Everyone chilled with
buying all the toilet paper and water. Please, it's going
(00:30):
to be played to a loudspeaker, by the way, when
everyone's dying. Also, also take solace in knowing that my
fellow Jews and I, if not all Hypochontracts, have been
waiting a lifetime for this. It's not easy complaining about
nothing your entire life, But now I've got something real.
(00:53):
Ifuse expression those of mine and mine alone, Kevin poll
But I digress. Alchemists, Shall we know? Partict lorder say,
how do you pooh? To Caroline Cartter? Caroline, Caroline, Caroline, Caroline. Um,
if you were a cat, what would your favorite treat be? Oh? Um,
(01:13):
the cheese on, like cheese chips. Yeah, I was picking
my eyes the cheese on, not your cheese chips, just
the cheese. Yeah, that's what my cat used to like.
Stay away, from the chip itself. Yeah, you licked the
cheese off Gena's cat. He's dead now, having nothing to
do with the cheese. Who knows? Who knows? Stop the
(01:35):
press is It's James Heeney, Jim, Jim, what's your favorite pie?
My favorite pie? I like if this is embarrassing, but
you know I don't get the pies I want all
the time, but the one. I'm asking you what your
favorite pie is, So in this scenario you can have
(01:55):
any pie. James, Chicago Deep Dish. That's why you don't
deserve the pies you want all the time. That is
such the correct man to check your window. It's Chris Alvarado,
Christopher the mystifer. What's the last bodied part you clean
when showering? The last through the order? What are we
(02:19):
doing last? I mean probably feed yeah, feed area toes, yeah, toes.
Scrub him up nice. Yeah. I'm a big fund guy though,
like clean guy, I like to get in there and
do the thing. I knew you were there. I really,
I really really really can't move forward with that, just
quickly quickly mentioning that James Heeney has two ridiculously superpowered
over caffeinated drinks. In front of him, and I'm scared
(02:41):
for his help. He's one of them, and one of
them may made the mistake. I don't even know how
to open this. The top of it's weird and childlock
for him. They know that he shouldn't have it. It's
not a normal top to a drink, and now I
can't have it till the end. I think pace yourself
is what you're no more calls. It's Craig Katkowski. What's
(03:02):
in the following locations would you travel to if given
the opportunity to visit only one? Antarctica? Kill Kenny Ireland
or James and he's kitchen for hashbrown Okay Ben to
kill Kenny hash Browns there um Antarctica is tempting, tempting
going away. I mean it's minus forty you know fahrenheit.
(03:28):
You know it's it's very dangerous. But I think there's
something about the rawness of the landscape. The answer to
the Antarctica even consider it's willing to commit. And that's
why I asked him that question. Uh, and last, but
may you are sliding screen door be unable to lock
if you think at least it's Joey Greer, Joe blow
it out your pie hole. Complete the following. Colonel Muskard
(03:50):
in the library with the two prostitutes, with the two prosts.
I don't know what he's doing it there, hotel us,
I can't. There's kids, there's kids who watched this. Done kids, Jamesons,
you set up a camera again that we don't know about,
not today, but I've actually got for the Patreons. I
(04:12):
have already put one up and the house. Oh it's
kind of a secret with me and the Patreon I
know right here in the studio. I should bring it
back again. Uh, because we recorded one I don't know,
back in October, and I put that one up and
then there's another recording. I'm gonna put that one up
to thank you, James. All of our scenes suggestions they
(04:33):
are gathered from either Patron v I p s or
your listener emails. If you'd like to submit one of yours,
please write to the podcast at your name here at
alcomy this dot com. That's your name here and alcomey
this dot com. If you'd like to join the Patron supergroup,
just go to Patreon dot com slash alcomy this. Uh.
This first thing is to be read only patron v
(04:54):
a P. Nicholas wrote, Hi, Kevin, I really like the
infectious energy of your group many a time at help
me through dark times like when my lambo was parked
by an ambulance yesterday. We have the greatest listeners, but
I don't, and by that I mean the worst. But
I digest, he wrote, here's my review, love him or
(05:16):
leave him? Those ad libin alchemists arrived twice a week,
so he just gave a stat happens, not a real opinion.
I for one, adore their cherubic faces and want to
have them over for dinner. Best Nicholas from munich. I'm
sorry that doesn't count because I do not see it
in the reviews. That's why he wrote it directly to us.
(05:38):
But that's kind of review we want, we need, We
need those of you folks to stop by. However, you
get your podcast and write a review, please, it really
does help. See. Number one, however, comes from patron v
i P. Dave, who wrote, still a big fan, I
love a little update. Still enjoying the patron v i
P perks. Recently I saw this news are a cool
(06:00):
came across my feed where a local police department has
offered to inspect or test anyone's meth for COVID nineteen.
Of course, my assumption is that they'll immediately be arrested,
but who knows. I'd love to see a scene where
we see the people either show up to have their
drugs tested, or maybe the conference room where the police
are brainstorming these sorts of ideas. Keep up the great work,
(06:24):
blah blah blah, ETCETERA day from spring Field, Missoura. Look, Cherry,
I'm gonna go up to them. I'm gonna ask the look.
They're here to protect and service. All right, I know,
I know we're to get you. Pick me up? All right?
All right? Here, put on this hat? Okay, this here? Okay,
you look good? All right, come on, follow me here
we are Can I help you? Hello, officer, officers, we
(06:50):
are we're freaking out. We are two businessmen. We found
something in the street. This this package, this white We
don't know so work from out of town? You guys
an improv group? What's happening? What's improv? It sounds like
a low form of art. Is your friend? Okay? What's
(07:12):
going on? Well? So we're businessman, as you can tell
by his tie in his hat, and we were trying
to make a business deal and we found this white substance.
You were trying to make it do a business deal? Yeah,
And we found this white substance in this little baggie
here and he ingested it accidentally, So we may have
ourselves a nine one one. Well, yes, maybe what we
(07:32):
were hoping you could test this to see if this
stuff is pure. Yeah, let's do that. Great, thank you.
To get back to the last on the streets and
intuition a university. Well, how do you think I'm gonna test?
I thought maybe you had like a little you know,
like Okay, okay, you're tasting it? Is that pure? Is it?
(07:53):
It's a low grade meth? Okay, great, we'll take that
back from me. You have, I'm gonna go ahead and
keep an eye on this. Is that all you needed? No,
he has a couple of questions for him. What's up, ghostboy?
Duncan listen? Okay, I've understanding you've been taking certain drugs
in the death sergeant and and just tasting them. Sure, okay,
(08:13):
what's the problem. What's the problem is you're getting high
at your post? Yeah? Alright, now everyone knows you get
high on meth by David, your little pinky getting a wet,
putting the baggy and sucking on that pinky. Okay, I
don't think everyone knows that they I think everyone that
we've had a pretty good p s A program going
on to all these different schools and all different churches,
so people should know. If they don't know, we need
to get on. I didn't see the p s A.
Do you have one on you? Yeah? Actually I do
(08:35):
on your phone. Yeah. Let me just play the video here. Now,
mind you, the sound quality might not be as good
as we'll be on a movie theater quality, but movie
theater here. We actually got a famous actor to do this,
So check this out. Drugs, Hi, have you ever been
doing drugs and you wanted to make sure that those
drugs were really pure because you were worried that when
(08:57):
you lit the fire to do the drugs, it would
be hot enough to kill the virus. Well, good news.
Now hold on one second, now I understand you talking
about virus inside the drugs. Okay, alright, so just so
you know which favorite famous actor opt that was. That's yeah.
So he's trying something new. He's got new Disney movie
coming out where he plays a worm, so he's in character,
(09:20):
but just just the virus thing. It's don't worry about it.
He brings it up a lot. Don't worry about it. Okay,
just okay, let me just continue. Actually, let me rewind
it from the Have you ever been doing drugs and
wondered to yourself? Is it pure? Will this virus be
able to survive the lighter that I used to hoo?
And is? These are definitely pure drugs? Don't worry about it.
(09:43):
You definitely don't need to go and get it tested.
What kind of worm is he playing in a Disney movie?
He's playing a Safarian worm. It's this made up thing
from the Wizard of Oz. You it's part of the companium,
uh and a companium And so it's Disney Plus. Do
you think it's coming to theme No, Disney Plus only
it's streaming straight to video. You know what I'm confused
(10:04):
by is Hulu Plus? What do you mean? Why the plus?
Who doesn't have a Hula Plus doesn't? Are you serious? Yeah?
I am serious? What paying nineteen dollars a month? A
sergeant Duncan you left the desk empty? And do you
know about this Hulu Plus? Oh? Yeah, yeah, I got Hulu.
Plus you can get FX on there like the whole efs,
you know, back catalog like Niptuck. My wife and our
(10:27):
big Niptuck fans. You get Niptuck? Are you serious? You
can't get You prefer the Nip Nip of the two
main guys. I like Nip, yeah the better. But Tuck
is funny. Sure it's got his moments. Yeah. So you're
gonna watch the desk or you're saying I should get back,
saying that you left the desk empty. All right, And
this guy brought some hair, this substance body to see
(10:48):
if it's heroin. Oh, and let me check it up.
I think you got to shoot it up. Oh shit, really,
I think feelin before. I think it's just why do
you shoot it up? No, George, don't you shoot it up? No? No,
The only way to know, I don't know. I mean,
there was a Niptuck when when a guy guy I
got it all hopped up on here, when then he
(11:09):
went right to Nip, he went to nip. Don't spoil anything,
don't spoil anything, year old, I don't care, no listen,
Razor Blade, I mean no disrespect. We love your product.
Just some of the guys on the street are a
little worried that maybe it's not as up to par
(11:31):
as it could be up to the highest standards. Perhaps,
what are you talking about? When I make my drugs,
I just got such a runny nose. It's wooey and
us is this guy? I've got the same problem you have.
I yeah, this is pouch pouch uh. My thing with
my drugs when I make them, they're dirty. Yeah, I
(11:54):
make dirty drugs. Oh see, that ain't good. That ain't
good for us. Anyone got a clean X, he's go listen.
Thank you, raised blade. I hate to do this, but
I think I might have to take my business elsewhere.
I'm looking for a perfect take business elsewhere. I'm gonna
kill you and then take you to the cops in
that order. Yeah, I'm gonna do. If you'll talk to them,
(12:15):
then I'm gonna take my chances. I'm not saying I'm
gonna tell on you. I'm saying I got to go
to a better drug supplier. I know I understand what
I'm saying. To go to another drug supply, I'm gonna
kill you. Can I help people? Is that a dead bunny? Yeah?
I thought you'd bring that into it. I'm not. This
body came here on its own will and volition. I
just accompanied it. I have nothing to do with it. Right,
(12:37):
Can I get you anything? Do you want to touch anything?
We can touch them? Taste Myers, charging Duncan anybody else
come in with heroin? Please? Man? Forget sake, Tim Jones
and hold on a second. I want to marry Oh yeah, yeah,
we got it tested. Ok we got it tested. As
(12:57):
long as I can get it back, yes, surely. Okay,
this stuffs dirty? All let me get it. It's in
this guy's Let me find a good vein. Yeah, the
only thing the right, George, thank you so much for
bringing into your house. Check a little NIPTUXI that Hulu
(13:17):
plus you've been talking about. Yeah, wake up, all right? Sorry, Okay,
I've been chasing Dragon free for a couple of weeks.
Dragon Gang. Yeah, I understand that. Yeah, now listen. I
really appreciate it, George. George, I appreciate everything you've been
doing at the Force. I love it. I actually want
to give you a secret detail. Yeah secret. Should I
(13:39):
be in the room for this? Sorry, it's okay. You
actually should know about this because the thing I'm going
to offer George is highly dangerous and most likely would
end up in your death. So it's me. I feel
like I want to leave the room. I don't think
I really want to. I think everything should be above board.
I think everything should be above board, like my husband's
new heroin addiction. Funny Mommy, why dadously George? George? Who
(14:05):
George George? You know me, I'm the captain. Okay, I'm
the captain. Now to put on Niptuck. We have to
put on Niptuck. It's the only thing that comes him down.
This is a really good episode. Don't I need you
to go. Don't ruin it. I need to don't ruin it, Nip,
don't don't ruin it either. Goddamn family, George. I need
(14:26):
to go undercover and Razor blades. I need to infiltrate Razor.
I don't want to hear this. I don't want to
hear he die. Proby wants to die, George, wake up
someone that wants to die? Who wants to die? My sister?
She's depressed and love is marriage? Okay, all right, I
(14:50):
don't know what. I'm sorry you said. You don't know, Jonathan.
I don't need anything. I think I'll just sleep today. Well,
you've just been sleeping a lot. It's the only thing
that brings me joy. Why don't we watch something together.
There's got to be something new. Let's look through this list. Jonathan,
you have lipstick on your collar. This it's probably don't
you don't. It's probably from you. Hey tuk, come on,
(15:13):
we gotta get out of here. No, I like it.
I want to listen to this episode. Look at all
these scalpels. We gotta pick witched couples, the right one
because there was one that's good dynamite and we gotta
diffuse it. Oh ship, Maybe it's just why did we
go wrong? Jonathan? I think things are going great? They
can't true. You can't believe things are going right? Are
going well? Why what do you mean why? I sleep
(15:34):
all day? But that's something that I've given you. Haven't
even giving you a hug, and I don't know two
months you know? Oh, I gotta go get the door.
Hold on a second, open up at your brother in law.
Come on in. Hey, Hey, hey, good to see you. Sorry,
(15:55):
I wasn't expecting company. Hi, Hi, how are you feeling?
I'd either be dead if I'm being honest. Hey, hey,
what do you gut? What's going on here? I feel
like you're the last one to know, Jonathan, what even
he knows? That's why he's coming over to check on me.
Let's see you're watching Niptuck. Yeah, Season four, episode thirteen.
I know my beds a little. Did you want to sit? Yeah,
(16:20):
I gotta. I'm tired. Yeah, I'm so tired. Yeah. We're
just gonna take a nap here for a while too, Jonathan.
But I was sleeping in at the door. Please, okay,
get the cat out of here too, thank you. Okay, alright, guys,
I'll be downstairs if you need anything. You don't need
to be okay, I'm gonna get you another drink? Yeah,
(16:44):
another water? You're gonna buy something or just put some
mice in it to the top, bring it all the
way up, and I probably won't need to get one
so quick as last time. It was a half full
glass of waters. Well, what's half full? Thanks? Aren't so bad?
And that scene seemed to come from Colin or reading coupemists.
(17:08):
I hailed from the ruling countryside of England that listened
to your podcast from the very beginning. I have just
become a paying subscriber on Patreon. So ya for you,
that's our best review yet. My work involves me walking
around in public all day, and you're hilarious. Meanderings in
my ear have caused me to burst out laughing many
(17:30):
a time. But what's that? What job do I do? Well,
I'm glad you asked. I'm a civil enforcement officer, traffic warden,
parking meterman, spawn of Satan. Just use whichever title you
think most appropriate. I tell you this as it is
relevant to my scene suggestion, which is an officers issuing
(17:52):
a parking ticket. When the driver comes back, they start
spouting an incredible excuse as to why they shouldn't have
the ticket, and so on. You know how this goes.
I'd love to see it. Please can't wait to hear
how this became inappropriately sexual. But I'm sure you'll all
think of something. Colin, Yeah, okay, just well, I mean, look,
when I get home, I'll be able to fix it.
But just don't worry. I came here and the meter
(18:14):
was out, so you have to when I get home.
But hold on, when I get home, I can fix it. Okay,
So just let me get home and then I can
fix it, okay, and I just need to get home first. Okay,
all right? Is that cool? I'm gonna do it. I
understand it sounds like you left your wallet at home,
but I right now the meter is flashing rest but
it wasn't flashing red before. Do you understand that? Where
(18:36):
were you? I've got a quarter. I'll just popping in
really quick. There. Does that help? No? Because I was
here when the meter was read. That's a felony. Man,
What I gotta go? Uh see you guys later. I
don't think that was a felony. I don't either. I
don't know. Look, I'm just trying to say, I when
I get home, I I can When I get home,
(18:56):
I can fix me. I'm starving. Can we just pay
her like my wife starting? Okay, she didn't set the car.
I need to feed her once a month and this
is the day. Hey, their lady whatever she's asking if
I don't, If I don't feed her, to turn into
a bat woman. Hey, Jenny, need some backup here? Yes,
thank you? Okay, not pay the fucking I didn't go
(19:19):
home pay that. Wait. Wait, we're not asking him to
pay home. I didn't go home to figure you're we're
not taking you understanding. You don't understand she's going to
turn into a bat. Okay, you don't understand. Okay, I
do understand because I've seen that happen before. Right, keep
some bad drugs. Fuck you, parking enforcement, you're fascist. Sorry,
(19:40):
that's my ex boyfriend. He follows me around when I
go to work sometimes and fascist take this best bike
car me just leave. Okay, here's the best. I've given you.
The ticket, I have your license, nothing, he's the one
he could leave. Wait wait women, his girlfriend can even
get you a ticket. Wait wait wait, if I go home,
(20:03):
I can fix it. Hey Carl, Carl, Yeah, I heard
you screaming at us over there, clings fascist and stuff. Yeah,
hey listen, So what do you guys are a thing? Now? Well,
that's kind of what I want to talk to you about. Um,
obviously we're work partner. We're work partners. You know that
I just missed her so much, and I take it back.
(20:26):
I didn't mean all that stuff I said. That's okay.
I want to tell you she's um. She's kind of
been talking about you a lot lately. Really, Yeah, you know,
I've been not feeding the meters, hoping to get a
ticket to run into you guys, but you know you haven't.
You haven't got me yet. Yeah, I don't know if
he doesn't really work that way. Maybe. Sorry, I know
we're just in the middle of having sex. But I
(20:49):
just have you seen Jeremy lately? You know my egg car? Yeah, Carl,
you're Jeremy. Sorry, I'm just like hamorzing we're having Um. God,
he looks good, right, I know, I know, like he's
got like this inner energy. Good. Hold on, yeah, yeah,
(21:14):
do you want to smoke? Huh? Yeah, my god, Carl
loves smoking too. You gotta hit it down. So she's
been talking about me. Yeah, yeah, I mean like kind
of a lot. I mean, I know it's been a year,
but I think I think here's what I see from
(21:34):
the outside. I see somebody who's taking a year of
having a heartbroken to become a better person. That's my
accord right there. But so, well, what kind of were
you looking for? You looking for uh, for a special
occasion or Okay, so I know it's it's one month's salary, right, Um,
I have I have, I have two thousand dollars here.
(21:54):
That's one month's salary. You're probably living a nice home.
What uh two months too much? That's too much salary. Yeah,
so it's gonna be four grand. No, I brought two
thousand dollars. I have as much as two thousand dollars
to spend today today. Okay, there any rings for that?
(22:19):
There is? There's one ring. I mean this does it matter?
If it's true? Love? Of course it does. I'll up
me a deal. It's true. To cut your deal, I'll
knock it down and I'll add five. Hey, Jim mechanic,
give me one second. Ok Okay, do you make it
a question for you? Well? You talk to customers like that?
(22:39):
I'm sorry, pop up? Why don't you just sell them
a good how many things? If I just go home?
If I just go home, I can fix it? Fix it? Okay? Okay, Hello, Hi,
I'm with the FBI. You can probably tell my badge
(23:00):
and then no nope, okay, come on, vampires, cats are
my cats? Do you have any idea as to why
I'm here? Uh? Why don't we say it at the
same time? Okay? On the count three one, two three,
(23:24):
listen you want. We can't have assholes like you put
in quarters in meters that aren't yours. Do you understand
what I'm saying. Yeah, do you understand? I guess so
that's really tight on my arm. For I'm gonna let
you up and let you up slowly, all right? Now?
Do we have an understanding? Yeah? You tapped into a
crazy criminal ring what down on main Street? So it
(23:49):
has nothing to do with the cat the cat racket
I've got. I don't give a shit about your cats.
What I care about is you fucking with the meters
because the meters go deep. It was just one quarter goes.
I mean, I'm you're kind of breaking up. You said
you found a new girlfriend. Is that right? Mom? Mom,
I'm getting married. Oh my god, he's getting Mary on
(24:10):
the phone. It's Carl that side. He's getting mad. What
does he want money? Why? Anything? He just doesn't need money.
Oh he doesn't need that. Your dad wants to know
if you didn't find dad, I'm gonna send you some money.
How much? Kill you? Fascist? I don't worry about what
is he saying about the money? I could you? I
could use like two I said that, dope. Do don't
(24:32):
even avoid baby Jesus Christ, I'm enjoying it. Do you
like that? Ship? We don't stop let's just go to
let's go okay, Hello, oh ship, Carl. Wait wait, Jerry, Jeremy,
(24:58):
what are you doing? Hi buddy? You said you come in? Carl,
I'm so sorry you're seeing Let me get to let
me get to. Hey, come in. Do you want something
to drink? You want um to sit? You wanna watch
a movie? We want to? Should I keep recording this
or no? We can kind of make it cool. Jerman
(25:22):
lied to me. You said you guys weren't a couple. Oh,
we're not. You guys were just making love. Well, we
don't use the L word here, right, Janet just pounding
it hard. We're pounding it hard. She likes the pound
and I like the pound. Carl. You get that. Jenna.
I heard you've been talking about me a lot. Yeah,
(25:42):
a little bit and blushing now I am. Yeah. I
know it's been a year since we were together. But listen,
I'm gonna let you do this. Camera guy follow me.
I want to shave my fridge. Look, this is happened
to you. I don't know. Oh my god, you would
do the her. It will there be something in there eventually, Yeah,
that will be a ring in there eventually. But this
(26:05):
is the case. I could only afford the case. But
just imagine a ring in there and then that ring
going on your finger. I'm waiting for some money from
my mom. Of course she's still doing that. Yeah, that's
really nice of hers. Your dad he's a bastard. Yeah, um, sorry,
this is so. I wasn't expecting this at all. I
was like just having sex with ray I saw yeah,
(26:28):
um yeah, but yes you will, Yeah, I'll do it.
So welcome to the gang. What we do around here
is we go when we put a little quarters instead
of meeters, not regular sized quarters, little quarters. Alright, you
mean dimes. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know. You don't know what you think tidy quarters.
He's dimes. That was with this guy for a while.
(26:52):
Wait wait, wait a second, wait a second, it's you know,
he said, Wait a second, I've got a rash and
contains really well underneath my shirt. Open it up. The
flakes will get really close to your eyes. Alight. We
need not contagious. It's just flaky engross. Oh, it's only
(27:12):
contagious when I take my clothes off. Give him lesson,
you know what? What's what's the disease called you know,
I'd rather not say make it up. You should know
in case one of us have contracted it already. Banana,
banana leprosy, that's worth banana. I have banana. Last year
(27:34):
you did left lost my legs. Yeah, look at her.
We should at least take a look at the rest
so we can identify. I'm looking at your chart here
and I don't have great news. I'm afraid. Could you
share this news with me when the mob is not
with me? I think everyone should probably hear this. We
(27:55):
care about yours. Don't know if we really want to
have you brought them well, they made me bring that out.
They want to die. If it's bad news, yeah, I'm
gonna whack you. You You understand it's not bad bad if
it's banana. You gotta be straight forward with us, all right.
It'sa like I don't think go into the bathroom and
shove the wire up your ass. Okay, guys, I need
(28:17):
to use the P I get P I gotta, I gotta,
I gotta. I just need to alone. I don't think
you should be alone. Spirally, we should all go in
the bathroom. Let's go with you. Stay away from the
P a Okay, okay, listen to me. I'm in your ear.
You're probably gonna die. You're probably gonna die. If anything
(28:38):
you want to say, say it now. I'm not alone.
Oh I know we we know you do. I can't
say yes, you can. You can say okay, I gotta
be okay, we'll come into the stall with you. Pleasely
gonna die. You're probably gonna die. Stop actually stop? Okay, alright,
what's up your stuf? Me? Maybe you you know what?
(29:03):
Let me a couple of sheets? Okay, here you go.
I was kidding. Can I get more than a couple
of Okay? All right, here's here's the rules. Just honestly,
it's just connected. So you're not alone. I've got a
several several crown men. Wody. Yeah, I'm better now, it's good. Yeah,
(29:25):
I had the thing you have. I had a thing
in my anal canal. Oh my god, had a remotely
I'm going freely. It's important that we get them to
admit to some of these crimes before you die. You
don't think that we already? Agent Lawson? Are you effing
my eyehole? Right now? What the hell is this? I've
(29:46):
got sixteen hours of a guy shitty, no audio, sir,
What do you mean? Yes, sir, No, sir, I got nothing.
I got no case. You want me to try the
Gambingo family. No, no, sir, right, no, sir. I need something.
I need some con Okay. I need to know how
they're putting those tiny quarters into those machines. Sir, tonight,
just give me just tonight, it's going down. Detective Carter,
(30:09):
if you could just answer the lawyer's question, please, that's
why you've been sworn in. Speak as truthfully as you
can about what you did and didn't hear. Okay? Is
that what? Now's answer that question? Or I thought the
lawyer was gonna ask me. The lawyer has just asked
you to let the jurors know what it is you
(30:31):
did here on the fifteen hours I heard on the
fifteen hours of tape for the game Bingo need to
be called the whole thing. Just tell the jurors what
I heard people talking. Oh my god, people talk? Are
people talking about the quarters? I heard people talking about
banana and so uh, let the record show. Let the record. Counsel,
(31:01):
did you have any direct questions for the witness? Yeah?
I got a question, thank you? Who the fuck do
you think you are? Answer the question? Is that the question?
Answer the question? Look at me and want some water?
Have some water? You think I said just too much ice? Well,
(31:25):
if you let it sit, it will become water, it'll overflow.
Answer the question with the fuck do you think you are?
Now it's been repeated. I think I am the son
of a farmer. I think I'm the daughter of a welder.
I think you are the son of Antonio Gambingo. And
(31:45):
I think you've been in this deep deep for a
very long time. Am I right? You have to answer.
You've been given anough this one, and so go ahead
and answer. Yes, ladies and gentlem into the jerry. He
is the son of Antonio again, being he's in the
gam bigger family. He tried to sell me a ring
(32:07):
or your dad kept beating you order order. Do you
have any more questions for the witness? Uh? No, very well,
the questioning to recess for lunch early today, and uh
please do not speak about what you witnessed here in
the courtroom while you're at lunch. And Jimmy's is great
(32:30):
right around the corner there. Although the pickles tend to
be a little tired. I think that was great. I
think I think that one really good. Yeah, yeah, I
think that was really really good. Who had the tuna fish?
H I only have one, so you can have it? Yeah,
yeah you have. They cut it in half. Do you
(32:52):
want to just know? So you should have a whole
sand that's a nice ring. It's a nice ring. Thank you.
I got it from my ex boyfriend. We're getting married. Yeah,
so current boyfriend, no, current fiance, yes, exactly, ex boyfriend,
yeah exactly. Yeah. I'm sorry to interrupt your meal. Are
(33:12):
you the detective that's on trial right now? Yes, yes,
it's you're doing such a good job. I'm atur thank you.
I just gotta be honest. I can't keep my eyes
off of you. Do you mind if I sit and
eat with you? Number four? Hey, yeah, i've been seeing
you all. I've just been watching the case. Um yeah
from the courtroom. I think he's innocent. Huh innocent? Yeah? Maybe?
(33:37):
Excuse me, folks, if anybody's driving a gray niece on
they're about to tow it out front? Is anyone driving
a great nie? Clearly not? But thanks? Okay, yeah, what
do you drive? By the way, I drive a great niece.
It's it couldn't be. It could be. It couldn't be mine.
I always paid the meter. No one here fully not
(34:00):
me driving. They're hooking. I can see they're hooking it
up right now. Check on your is your license plate eight?
L O M three one two? Yes, that is? What's
a personalized license? Okay, what does that mean? What is
it again? L O M three one two? Is your
personalized license? I mean? Alam? Is your car? You check
on the My name is Alam. Yeah, No, it's so folks.
(34:25):
They're telling it now. So just check on the car.
See if it is. I always beed my meter. They're
sucking the car up. Man. Actually, you know there's games
going on with tiny quarters that will feed your meter
for you. So that's not what's happening in your car.
It didn't happen for you. It didn't happen for you.
They're towing the car. Anyway. I hope you had a
(34:46):
great hell get My name is Alas to see three
comes from Patroon v I. P. Jordan's, who wrote for
Kevin's Only j A group of college students take their
first hits of acid, but they were sold fake acid.
(35:08):
Much love Jordan's love being a part of the Patreon.
Jordan's uh so, how long does this normally take to
kick in? You know, in my experience, way less time
than this. Yeah, it's my guess is it's just bunk acid?
We should do? You want to just take the rest?
What did you see? What happens bunk acid? Bunk acid?
(35:30):
Have you never had any bunk acid? This is my
first time doing acid. Well, let me tell you, typically
you'd feel it within fifteen Where did you get Where
did I get? The same guy? I always get the
acid from what's his name? I can't give you his name?
Why not? Because I'm the guy who hooks you guys up?
How guy like three years and it's always been good. Yeah,
he goes through to Paul University's got a micro scott.
This is an anomaly. Yeah, my guesses is it probably
(35:53):
my tripping right now? Are you because I don't feel
it yet? Hey, you guys just say you know fake
couches playing on the Green stage about twenty minutes. I
love fake couch. Why are you telling us? I just
want everyone to know. Man, let the festival love be forever.
Do you work at the festival. No, I'm just a
guy who loves the festival. Member going for six years.
(36:13):
I love it, man, I love it. Man, love it.
Do you have a breakdown of all the bands in
what stages now? Oh? Yeah, man, that guy burned in
my memory stage from sixty five to seven fifteen. It's
gonna be funk Couches, right, and then fake Couches. I
think that's what it is, is burning my memory. Man,
do you have any extra acid? To have any extra acid? Yeah? Yeah,
(36:38):
I got it out tape to my chest. Oh okay,
so you'll tell him may that at the same festival
you booked Fake County, Fake Couch and fun Couches. Yeah.
It was an accident. It was an accident. Okay, look,
you're the best. Everyone knows that I'm in fake Couch.
We know fake couches. But Funk Couches is sucking here.
(37:02):
They're in a different stage at a different time. Wait,
we're both on the green stage. You're bother on the
green stage. Shit, if any idea? How confused people are
gonna get okay about this? We're the exact same genre
of music. I know. We have two names that begin
with an F and his C. The word couches in
both of our names. I know. Okay, how about this.
We're British. Have you spoken to the lead singer of
(37:24):
Funk Couches. I talk to them. He's a great guy.
I don't talk. I don't give a fuck what he says.
We're gonna fucking throw anything if those facts again by
play people very similar? Now where no you fucking Tim Couch? Alright,
listen to me, what a fucking similar fucking study spoken
to him? He's a nice guy. Spiking that boy again
(37:45):
his trailer doors next to your keeps saying that. Or
you tell my brother there's no way, there's no way
in there. I'm going to talk to him. Okay, all right,
all right, you tell my brother will fight them all happen.
You guys are brothers anymore. I didn't know that a
(38:06):
little bit more. I Tim and Tom. I want you
to learn this instrument. I want you to play it
every day. All right. You've got the piano, you've got
the guitar. Okay, yes, thank you for that. All Right,
we're going to start with We're going to start with
a very simple song. Right. It's one that I wrote
about your mother. It's called Hey Nice. Okay, let's start
(38:28):
from the beginning. Do you sing it? You're singing. If
you'd like or I need you to play, I'm going
to sing the main line. You've seen the army. I'm
not gonna say almost sing the main now you see,
I'll just bloody said that. I've got to sing the
main line. Start drawing. I started. You're both great musicians.
(38:56):
Everyone likes your saying I run away. I think I
am starting to feel it. Yeah. Yeah, it's not really
feel it or see it, but I'm kind of hearing
an echo. Yeah, is that what that is? The hands
over my ears? Sorry, Hey, I'm sorry to bother you guys.
(39:18):
That seems like you're all having a good time. I
just gotta just let you all know. There's some some
some bunk acid has been going around. Think that's what
it's called. When you say bunk, do you mean not
effective or poisonous? I mean a hundred percent poisonous. Yeah,
it's been nosed bananas. Yeah, so people dropping legs. If
(39:39):
you look out there, you can see people just limping around.
You work at the festival? I do? I do work
at the festival. What do you do? I'm a vendor?
How come you don't have any like official nothing? You
under undercover? I don't know you fed. No, I'm not okay,
you're a I'm a judge. I could spot a man's
(40:02):
warehouse suit from a mile away. I'm gonna judge. What
are you doing at the festival? No, I wanted to
hear okame here to see Tim and Tom play for
the first time on the same stage. Years. Fake couch
and funk couch are gonna be I mean, that's the
word on the street, on the street, but a lot
of people are also dying from the bunk ascid. Okay,
one more time, gentlemen, one more time. Hold on, We're
(40:27):
gonna go to the playlist. Okay, all right, okay, fake couch.
You guys will get song number one with a nice
all right, okay, Paul. The blood is the only why
I'm gonna go on st is if we play the
exact same time our ound different playlists. What if what
(40:50):
if you both played your number one hit, which is
hey nice, simultaneously, so nobody's nobody's ahead of anybody else.
It's the same time. You take the main line on yours,
you take the mainline on yours. I'll have to talk
to the rest of my band. That sounds fair. Fun
Couch my band is all made of holograms, so it's
(41:11):
just me really then, yeah, I've touched on my fucking
band band. Okay, okay, hey, have a bottle of water.
Thank you? Is you want to to split up attle
of what you wants to shad? What this festival means
a lot to me? Okay, I'm a first time promoter,
and I was very lucky to get I know, but
(41:34):
not really, because now the fans get to see what
they've always wanted to see, funk couch and fake couch
and at least telling me that all the festival goers
are on legitimate acid. It's the only way my music works. Yeah,
I'm sure that's what my music works. It's people on acid. Look,
I've got a band full of animatronic bears, right yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right, Oh,
(41:57):
mine are just holograms and prints. Right Listen, I have
a narc out there. He's getting to find out if
there's good drugs are not? So just all right, good yeah, okay,
all right, right, good? Hey, Hey, so, how how's it?
How's it going with all the all the people out there?
Do they know you're a narc? No, I'm dressing I'm
(42:21):
dressed like a tree. Okay, good, So no one's really
talking to me because I look like a fucking tree.
That's good though, that's good. So what's the word. I
feel like an idiot. You said you had a really
good narc job for me. I said, awesome, and then
he gave me a tree costume. Well, this is the
Woods Festival, I know, I know at the damn festival
is I'm pissed. What can I do? Okay? What what?
(42:45):
Take me out of this damn tree cost cannot do that?
Why not? I want to talk to the people. Were
good with people. So what have you heard so far? Huh?
I can't hear anything through my damn leaves and branches,
so you don't know if bunk acid or good acid cheese? Christ?
All right, fine, get out of the tree costumes came
here and here put this on? Put this? What the fun?
(43:05):
That tree just burnt to you? Google goggas. This is
my first time out as a human who wants to
talk to me? It's so good A hello Woods. Hello,
we are fake coach. We are funk couch and together
(43:29):
we are fake funk coach. J think I must be
tripping O. Nice hey guice, nice nice you look like
(43:49):
my mom my, beautiful moms. Incle you're looking at very nice. Hello,
thank you so much. Oh gentlemen, that was great, That
(44:13):
was great. That was really something special out there. Bad news,
bad news what you're saying. I didn't even that incredible
have bad news you say? Nobody really heard it because
everyone's been taking punk acid and people were pretty much
dying out there during your seth. God, you fucking tell
(44:39):
you this right now. Now he's ever gonna again. Let
it was my first festival, and let me just shine.
They smite all rong, being so condescending, be nice to be.
I'm having a hard day. Everyone out there is fucking dead.
Had amatronic bears attack all the cute pitches getting to
its time? Are you ready to learn your second song? Then? Yes, ready,
(45:05):
the name of this one is look over there, look
over there, and then when we look over there, will
see the title and see your mum. You're long dead, mom.
She's it's been preserved perfectly right. She's smiling at you.
She likes the way you play. You and the piano,
you and the guitar. Is it a way to make
a blink? And now? Yeah, sure you don't go to blink.
(45:29):
Take some of this then, okaya going to get more
me to blink? Is this bunk? Now? It's quite cool.
It's good. Good. They're going to make your mother blink, right,
she's blinking it. It's like she's alive. Wow. But I'd
like to say to her. I want to say that, mom,
(45:50):
do you have any questions for it? She can hear you.
If me and Tom ever break up as a band,
you know, make it count there, then let me think about.
Let me just shoot off the hip. Uh uh, let's see.
Let's see. I got a question for you. Ye, Mom?
(46:10):
Did that kill you? Yes? I thought so? Right, So
you got that one at the door, all right, yeah?
What else would you like that? I mean when we
were little boys and all that. Uh, that was when
some master question found out about I've had that actually
murdered the mom. You know we've heard that. We've heard that. Yeah,
but you know, it's amazing getting back to get back
(46:32):
for all these years. It was nice. That was nice. Well,
we're happy to have you here on eighty nine point nine.
Casey r w W. All right, take it away with
your live set. I think we all want to hear Frank,
everyone hears as you can see, is packed in the office.
We all want to hear. Hey nice acoustic. That was
a little unplugged, Thank you, thank you. We've changed the
(46:53):
lyrics a little bit because working together and all inspired
us to do something most different. Oursaults kind reflect what's
going on in our lives. We appreciate that. Here at
eight point nine case Hong Kong. Everybody knows your call
letters at this point. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Did you
guys change the title of the name of the band
(47:14):
or is it still Figure? Yeah? Yeah, Now it's because
it can't be fake couch. It can't be funk couch.
So we decided to change our name to Turtle Community,
and that's what we are. It's still kind of a
working title. Well, we've started it. We made share it.
I learn a Turtle Community, Ladies and gentlemen, the world
(47:35):
premiere Turtle Community of doing their song. Hey nice at
a point nine case stop it nice nice, We'll look
it off. Beautiful. Mom, oh my god, nice to commune.
(48:08):
Want to say you did such a great job at
the festivals that tree stuff. You don't have to wear
the tree costume anymore. You're done. What I want to
see if you wanted to maybe do another festival for me.
Don't have to wear this damn thing. You have to
wear a different damn thing. What is it? A fish? Yeah,
I want to be a big fish. Yeah, you're doing
(48:30):
the undercover jobs. Yes, I'll do anything. Just pay me,
pay me and pay me and smack. Okay, I just
killed my sister in law. See three. That is our
show for this day. I want to thank all the alchemists, uh,
starting with Mr Chris Alvarado. Chris always a pleasure. Tell
(48:52):
folks how they might be able to find you, either
on the socials or live performing around town things. I
love this show. By the way, Yeah, as Alverado everywhere.
I think I tweeted once last year, so Twitter is
not a big thing for me. A lot of new
puppy content. I got a new puppy, so a lot
of new puppy content on my Instagram. His name is
(49:12):
Sunny McLean. We were in Santa Monty and we saw
this Irish park and so we said, exactly right, Uh,
and really I want to run the world to just
be hey, nice, nice sweet Caroline Cotter. Yeah, um, I
don't know, I'm at Cotter poop. I guess I need
(49:36):
a hobby or something. I think horseback. Yeah, I guess
I'll get horseback. Thank you, write them, don't write them. Yeah,
whatever I'll see, I'll get an opinion. Craig Kakowski at
Kakowski on Twitter, see Kakowski on Instagram. My dogs are
doing great, and uh, listen to Oasis who are in
(49:58):
no way the basis for for Tim and Tom and
when you can, folks. So I hope to hear the
number one favorite film on Craigslist. I really just got
to convince my wife to watch it. First. Let's say
it's a three hour movie about the Holocaust. There you go. Uh.
I don't know if that narrows it down at all.
(50:19):
Dr James. You can find a lot of stuff about
me on various review sites, and this one's from leftist
my Legs Gray. I don't know what it means, but
five star review. It's just just for James, is the title. Well,
I'm too poor for Patreon, but I will support through
a review for whatever it's worth. It's worth it all.
Thank you that came into you personally or to the podcast.
(50:41):
It well, it's for the podcast, but I just read
the reviews and I would say one third of the
reviews on the podcast are like just talking to me,
just like giving me messages, which I love. Seletory. Well, well,
sometimes I ask for the reviews and they don't come in,
and then over the past week we've just gotten a
pouring in of reviews, and a lot of them are
saying like James, like begged for this, and I'll give
(51:03):
it to me. I don't care why you do it,
but just do it. Oh, I love that. Yeah, we
should make a T shirt. And uh, Joseph of Grierman,
you know, I just gotta say about the Corona. Everyone
freaking out is the exact reason why we don't know
about aliens, right, and that's because we're missing because we're
just like everyone's going freaking out doing all this. Yeah,
just this is why we can't hear about cool ship.
(51:24):
Wait why because everyone goes in by toilet paper, you
know what I mean? What does that have to do
with the price of milk? Exactly? Yeah, that's my point. Anyway,
follow me on my conspiracy blog The Unknown is Inside,
And besides that, you can hear me screaming on corners. Okay,
look for Joey Girl on corners. I want to thank
(51:44):
our engineer and producer, Mr Doug Babe and I heart
Media right to the podcast. We'd love to hear from
your name here Lolcolm dot com. I'm your host, Kevin
pol until next time. And I pull and I pull
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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