December 16, 2021 • 52 mins
Craig Is pitted against Olives... and these ones are "Second Hand"
Man Covets Neighbors Ass, which of course is a Donkey.
Successful assassin who only uses finger guns and jazz hands.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Alchemy.
This I'm your host, James Heathey, taking the place of
Kevin Chester today. Let's meet our alchemists in alphabetical order.
I'd like to go forward to day with the order.
All right, we're gonna start with a tool. A tool?
(00:22):
Would you rather, hello, tool? How are you got a
question for you? Good? Good question? Would you rather do
a two man show with a clone of yourself or
a full eight person show with everybody being clones? If
you you can dress up the clones with little silly hats,
you can tell it in. Uh, two person show with myself.
(00:46):
That's that's enough of me for everybody, and you don't
need more of that. And I like two person shows
as it is as a format. Uh So that's all
the time I actually allotted for your answer. But that's
thank you, Chris. Are you more of an art museum
fan or a science and industry museum man? Are you
(01:08):
mad at us? I'm not mad, I'm just hosting serious.
I'm serious. Yeah, you feel like a like a like
a sixty minutes like like you know, it was like
it was very professor. Would you believe that I actually
this is the second group of questions, I wrote because
last night when you told me to be careful for
the length of the scene, I was like, well, my
questions are too long, so I'm just trying to keep
(01:28):
it on point. Chris, can you like art museums more?
Or do you like science and industry museums more? Just
answer damn questions. You need a little bit of why
I like art museums more. Thank you very much for
great That's a good answer, Craig. This is important because
(01:48):
I don't have that many opportunities to ask you a
question like this, but I need to know. Well, first,
how are you? Are you fine? Good? All right? What
the hell does have your cake and eat it to mean?
Because what else do you do with it? Like? What's
the phrase supposed to inspire in me? This is actually
one of the few things that Ted Kazinski got right,
(02:09):
because the phrase should be you can't eat your cake
and have it too. It's reversed, meaning once you've eatn
your cake, you no longer have it, so you can't
do both things. You can indeed have your cake and
then eat it. So the phrase, the phrase that we
know is wrong, and this is how they caught the
(02:30):
UNI bomber, which is why I made the reference, because
Ted Kazinski was the UNI bomber, but I wasn't sure.
Well spoilers, but he is uh And in his manifesto
he used the phrase you can't uh what's the right
one cake and eat it too? And it makes me
(02:50):
mad when I hear it. How wrong the un bomber was,
and I think he's I think that's one of the
things that his brother RECOGNI that was a dead giveaway
because he was pedantic about phrases like that. That's hilarious,
it was. The phrase is originally attributed to somebody in
the French Revolution, joanah arc or you're thinking of Marie
(03:14):
and Triette saying the French Revolution. Alright, so this question
is coming to Jackie. Jackie, welcome, How are you today.
I'm a little nervous, but I'm good. You know what
You and me both okay. I got a question for
you though, And this is an improv like this superpower
(03:35):
you couldn't take off stage. Would you rather have the
ability to read other people's minds or on stage be
able to send subliminal messages that only they could hear
their mind? I think sense of little messages. I think
hearing them would get me too much in my head
and now I'm plotting, but sending a little messages then
(03:57):
they can help me because sometimes I have things that
are stuck and I can't get them out. I can't
figure out how to get them out, so maybe they
can help me do that. So so Jackie, so you'd
be like like talking like this, and then you go like, Chris,
I'm actually your niece at the farm like that. So
I would be like clear for me, and I'm like, oh, welcome,
set the farm like that. That's not how you not
(04:18):
how I was thinking. I was thinking more like, sometimes
I have an idea and I can't figure out how
to manifested, how to make it make sense to other people. Well,
unfortunately the problem is that you'd be sending out very
scattered thoughts. You know what, I'm not saying that you
(04:39):
have clear I trust, I trust my because that's that's
pretty liminal. That's not subliminal, you know what I mean.
It's liminal. I want to send limital messages. Alright, Joe.
I know that you're known for having long um responses,
and I and I don't have a lot of time
for it today. In fact, we're trying to sell time.
Are you playing with the box? I'm here a place.
(05:02):
There's my microphone has a little tiny thing about him
to I keep accidentally hitting. But Joey, here's the How
are you doing it? I'm good? Great, awesome? It's ten
minutes early is five minutes late? What time should you
really arrive? If ten minutes early is five minutes late, okay,
(05:25):
fifteen minutes earlier, then that's the time. Fifteen minutes early,
but then that's on time. That's right. Do you said
ten minutes early, seven minutes late? Yeah, alright, so that
makes sense. It was way more straightforward than I expected
you to give. So we've met all the alchemists and
(05:46):
what qus No, the other ones took a long time
to read out loud. So all of today's suggestions come
from listener emails. And if you want priority getting your
suggestions up on the list, well, then you should consider
becoming a Patreon v I P member or even an
alchy maniac. There's tons of great benefits, including bonus scenes. Now,
(06:09):
if you want that, go ahead, head on over to Alchemy.
I'm sorry, Patreon dot com, slash alchemy this or if
you'd like to submsicine suggestion the traditional way, you can
email us at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com.
That's great. So the first scene suggestion it on today
(06:34):
is from Jay Barton, and I don't typically like to
spoil the scene suggestions, but I'm gonna cut to the
end where it says, ps as kissing goes here make
a juicy or Kevin won't read your email, which sounded
is strange because I was like, well, that's at the end,
he would have already read it. But nonetheless, here's the
email from j Martin. Hello Kevin. My last suggestion was
(06:57):
too long and this made is angry. I've made this
one shorter. There's this guy and he goes to the movies.
He's watching a movie when the guy next to him
spills popcorn. The first guy forgot to buy popcorn beforehand,
but it's cool because now he's got floor popcorn to
graze on. At first, he's happy, but then he gets
(07:18):
a bit angry because the other guy is sitting next
to him. He's not worried about social distancing or anything,
just that the guy's feet are in the way of
his popcorn. Anyway, the movie kind of sucks and the
other guy up the back has fallen asleep and his snoring.
No one's worried about this because they have snacks. A
couple of weeks later, one of the guys orders a
(07:40):
hot dog online but never gets delivered. He hires a
private investigator to track down the hot dog. Unfortunately, man,
we're almost there. We're alost there. Uh an auto correct
error brings a private investigator to his door. Long story short,
I lost my toenail. Not sure if the hot dog
(08:02):
was ever found. Anyway, My scene suggestion is second hand
olives yours forever scene suggestor the is a good olives.
I'm telling you right now, these are good. These are good,
and and you think that the quality is high? Oh yeah,
they I mean, trust me, they wouldn't be put back
(08:22):
into a container, you know what I mean, unless they
unless they weren't legit. So I'm doing a picnic, you
know what I mean. But a special special someone. Okay,
so like a boss you're trying to get a raise
or something kind of but like romantic, you know what
I mean. And so I can't afford the you know,
(08:43):
I can't afford the good stuff, But if I can
get the good stuff at a good price. Got you
got you, got you? Okay? Okay, yeah, so you want
then then follow me? Okay, holy shit, you like these? Yeah?
These are all the real olives. You don't want these?
So okay, yeah, keep Yeah, I made out alive. Come on,
(09:03):
keep following me. Jesus those puppies. Yeah, can I touch him?
They made out alives? Here a right, let me just
open this trunk, master, master, I'm back to work. Okay,
before you get back to work here, let me just
(09:24):
pull out the zip luck back here, spit up some
olives in there. I should do it. There you go.
Some of them have pitts, so yeah, all right, you
can bring that back the front of the Yeah. Did
you not see who just spit them up? What was
(09:45):
that thing? What was that thing? That's an olive? Boy?
All right, yes, my friend okay, from the island of Crete. Okay,
they don't make him like that tomorrow. Okay. Uh oh,
he just his trunk he asked to Yeah, he's tell
it to it. We have Rudy him brought him there.
So that so the original soil from the island, so
(10:05):
it's kind of where he hangs down. He doesn't need
natural sunlight at this points fully grown. So just bring
that up to the check out be able to get
you out of there. And did you do anything else? No?
I think this will do it. Thank you, so learning anything.
I love paraphernalia. You don't needy olive Now I'm just
hoping that this hope, I hope she can recognize the quality,
you know what I mean. Of course you really don't
need anything else, all though, for real little olive plate.
(10:29):
Maybe maybe in olive plate. Yeah, what's an olive plates?
And look at this? Okay, come on, just follow me.
Oh yeah, okay, well we're getting this boat. Oh hello,
are you here? Yeah, we're here. Bow man all right,
(10:50):
so just ah that he's free. Don't give him water
because it is free. Okay, the person's all right. Do
you have a do you do you have like a
gold coin? Do I have a gold tess about it?
Here's two gold coins. Don't put him up so normally
alive plates, but we got are so nice. Well this
(11:18):
is nice. Thank you. You went above and beyond. I
thought I thought you'd like it was yes, yes, fancy shmancy.
I was thinking, what if I got a corresponding plate
for every food item. You know what I mean, like baby,
(11:38):
so thoughtful, thank you, thank you? Fuck yes yes? Um?
Well and olives dave along on the olive plates. Do
you know that? I'm sorry, I gotta do this. I'm
gotta do this because you know me and words pitted
olives can refer to olives with pits or without pits.
It's so frustrating because words should just mean what they
(12:00):
mean and not their opposite. That's so sexy, that is
so sexy. Geez, I've got way more moved. I've started
semi monthly. I think that's my phone because we're on
to get my periods in my monthly. Okay, I'm gonna
check my phone out quick. Um. Oh shit, someone's at
(12:25):
the front of the park. I gotta meet someone real quick.
In front of the park. Well, yeah, you know how
we parked down there and then we walked up here. Yeah,
we gotta walk all the way back to the fuel.
You just relax, you just relax, give me one second.
Oh hey, you just in here by yourself. You can
some moll up. So yeah, waiting for my boyfriend. Waiting
(12:49):
for my boyfriend in a number of ways. How long
you all have been dated? Two years? Two years. You're
not engaged. No, I know right right? That ain't right.
Do you want some of these olives? They're pitted? What
does that mean? I don't know. You could go either way. Well,
(13:14):
I can't have I have very soft teeth. Okay, my
teeth are like gum. Let me see, let me see.
Oh my god? Yeah, Hey, what's up? We can't get
all the photography equipment down for the proposal unless we
bring this cart. And uh, I didn't realize the park
was so far. What where's your crew? You have a crew, right,
(13:38):
I'm just a one guy photo guy. Uh. Can can
you use a drone? I don't have a drone? I
got in this cart. Can you help me carry? I'm sure.
Just tell her that it. Just tell her you met
me and I needed some help. I'll be She won't
even notice me when I'm taking pictures. Okay. So the
plan will be when we go back up there and
I say I got a message to meet someone that
(13:58):
someone who as is to meet someone, My text went off,
all right, Well, I'll put this, I'll put this hat
and this fake mustache on, and then and then she
doesn't recognize you anyway. She doesn't know who you are
point here you put this. Okay, Wow, that's weird. Your
your teeth are soft, but your gums are like rock hard,
(14:21):
kind of like an inverse. Oh god, I've been I've
been tested on my entire life. Really. Yeah. Did you
hear that park door open? I think so. It's it's
pretty distinctive sound. You have the electrodes on your head?
Uh yeah. I gotta keep him on Wonderful seven. They
(14:42):
paid my rent. Well, I help you with some of
these olives because I don't know if he's coming back
or what. Oh. The number one issue we have it
here is either leaves on the path or dog pooped
hasn't been picked up. So that's where we contribute the most. Okay,
here's okay, thank you for your time. Excuse me, sir?
(15:09):
Can we help you? Sir? Can we help you? I'm sorry,
I'm on the phone. I just get who are you
trying to? Sir? Sir? Come back. Sometimes you'll get some
park weirdos. Don't worry about them. They usually mind their
own business. Okay, I just want to be clear again.
(15:31):
You know I'm I'm a recent retiree and I'm not
looking for hard work, just something to spend my time.
It's it's not too hard, as you know, Rachel. It's
just every once in a while you do have to
bend down to do so. Like, I'm so sorry. I
don't know who else to tell, but there's some fucking
creep taking photos. It was a fucking creep oh over
(15:54):
there by, but I got him free taking photos. I
don't know who to tell, but he just does what
does he try? He's got a hat and he looks
like his a fake mustache on top of his mustache.
He has a mustare Calm down, sir, Okay, these are
pretty good angles over here, right, she looks beautiful. She's
(16:15):
talking to Oh. I don't know. Maybe that's her dad.
I've never met her Dad's probably her dad. How would
her dad noted me? It's at the park for this picnic.
I've never even met her a lot less her dad.
Good point. Jeez, you're smart man. Thank you? Do you
(16:37):
do you mind stepping a little closer. I don't know
if she'll notice me, but I want to make sure
that I get both of you and focus. Oh actually, oh,
these pictures of her and her dad are really really good.
I'm so sorry. I don't mean to interrupt. Um, I
do work for the parks here, and I've been hearing
(16:59):
a comple paint about what's going on here, and I
just want to make it clear. You're not allowed to
photograph other people's strangers at the park and allowed to
hide in bushes while you bore. Um. So I'm I'm
a photographer. These guys whore going to age. She's gonna
pop the question. You see that wan there? Who's kissing that?
(17:22):
So they're getting engaged and you guys, oh, you're you're
right like touching your touching your teeth with my tongue
like they were like gums, right, yeah, yeah, well you
know again, just for science, that's why we did that.
It's just for that is crazy. Okay, I'm gonna I'm
gonna hand feed you in olive. Close your eyes, close
(17:45):
your eyes, and you tell me, oh god, she's hitting
feeding him. That can't be your dad him me and
you look like a Rachel. Yeah, Rachel? Have you ever?
I was going to propose to that woman over there.
I got her the best all of us I could afford.
(18:07):
I got her the best ring I gotta afford. I
brought her to this park because it's free, and I
just want to tell her I love her, but she
seems to be with someone else. Um rule, can you
can she illegal? That's nothing that I can enforce, and
so you can enforce us taking pictures in the I'm
a photographer. You cut a lot of corners on on
(18:28):
some of the important things. Buddy, Yeah, you're right. Maybe
she deserves to be with that guy. Yes, Calamata, how
did you know? I just tell I tell excuse me.
I'm the park ranger and we've got some complaints about
some p d A from this picnic. So if I
can ask barrier, ye, no public displays of function. I've
(18:53):
heard that joke before. It wasn't a joke. I'm very
precise with language. I'm very precise with lane which as well.
There's multiple different ways to to extend an abbreviation. Wait,
she's getting into like a really intense conversation with another man.
What is happening? What? Who is she? You're seeing this? Right?
(19:17):
I'm seeing? Can I offer you some services? I'm a
retired mental health counselor and I mainly do family mediations
some couples there. What what do you? What are you
(19:38):
gonna do? You can help chalk it out if you wanted.
Why don't you go to traumatic? Why don't you talk
to her? See that's the thing though, when you're the
um counselor you you have to be a third part.
The whole point of view is that you're a third
party that's not investing it. You're just there to listen
and to give unbiased recommendations. Okay, come with me, then
(20:03):
let's go. Hey, you take you take pictures. Hold on
a second, did you just step in my dog shit? Yeah?
I sip in dog shit? Yeah? Well I left it
there for a reason, asshole, you matter take a ship
where he did? They're all right, wait I need it
here now? Yeah, they're trying dog shit? Can't we even
just stepped in it? All right? I'm sorry, No problems,
(20:23):
No problems, Rachel, take a dump all right now? Okay, Parker,
I tried this olive and a little bit of men
shake o cheese and some slivered almonds, and tell me
that this is amazing. Can you put the cheese in? Okay? Yes?
Is that all? Is it? All the way in? My
(20:43):
tongue doesn't fluctuate all the way back, so I have
to put food in initially in the back. Oh that
is I'm so sorry, delicious. Isn't that good? Okay, I'm done,
and that's it my hand. Let's go, let's go. It's
getting off, it's getting worse. Let's go into that scene one.
(21:08):
I really wanted to see him get over there. I
wish you didn't step in the dog ship judgment. You
can only wish here, seemed to from el Comaniac Nicholas
Marco Hi hope Kevin is okay. Amazon can be a
(21:30):
cruel mistress anyhow, New day, new scene. Man coveting his
neighbor's ass. Let's go, guys, is a wast Nicholas, What hey, Danny,
how are you doing all right? Just got this donkey?
Yeah that's a nice donkey. Yeah, you know, I just
(21:51):
gotta get it. You know, some uh fields, the plow
and everything. So well, how abou I'm you just spend
on about two thousand dollars. That's pretty good. Yeah, I
got a little uh, I got a minute. Your pony
over here. It doesn't work the same, No, it's that's
(22:12):
more of a menstrosity and less of you know what,
beast of burden. Then it can actually do some work
for you. Well, the burden is that it's a monstrosity. Yeah,
but cute though, cute. Yeah, Hey, do me a favor.
Make sure I think there's some ship on my lawn. Uh,
it won't ship on your lawn, because better, we've got
(22:33):
a fence. You know, he's gonna be cloud most of
the times. Yeah. Great, Well, I don't want to see
any kind of pliers duct taped to his hoofs and
then him using those plyers to cut the de fence
and take a ship on my lawn. Why would he
do that? I'm just saying that, Dan, that's it. No,
but the donkey's gonna stay on stay on my property,
(22:54):
is gonna do the all the shipping on my property.
You don't have to worry. Better better, Hey, Dan, Tom
Kurt Kurt, Uh boy, I look at you too. Huh wow,
what a day? What a day? And what's up you creep.
I'm just just wondering if maybe you guys wanted to Um, No,
(23:16):
we're not gonna take a milk bath. Okay, you get
the hell away. You ask us three times a day
to take a milk bath. It's not gonna work. What not.
I don't even I don't even know why I have
to answer that it's disgustie. I have to take a
bath after the milk bath. Hey, this is water buffalo milk.
I'm talking here, so what so what's so? It's good
(23:39):
for your skin? You're you're the one invested in those
water buffaloes, man, and nobody wants your milk. And you've
got all this excess you're trying to get rid of.
And I've talked to the city, okay, and you're gonna
have to remove those gardens. So by I've talked to
the city too. And yeah, let me tell you something.
If I find out that you're fucking donkey. It's got pliers,
(24:00):
wire cutters, duct taped to its hooves, and it cuts
into my fence and ships on my lawn. Doesn't two
people say that one day? Honey, honey, come come take
a look at this. Look Look across the street. Look
look Dan, Tom and Kurt. We're all chatting. Yeah great,
(24:22):
you know they all have illegal animals. They're not allowed
to have any of these animals. Was called. Dan just
got a an ass, Tom's got a pony or a
small and Curt's got a water buffalo at outside, son, Alright,
get in here, all right, You see that guy on
(24:43):
the left. Yeah, yeah, Dan, Dan's good an as he's
got a that's a that's an ass. Yeah, he's got
an ass. Why did you wake me up from my
ten am naw to tell me this baby? This is important.
We should get an animal. I've been wanting an animal too.
I'm ready to have responsibility. Folks, welcome into the illegal
(25:08):
animal shop. Well kind of illegal animal are you thinking
about purchasing today? Well, our neighbor has a beautiful donkey
that does a lot of work for them. Their lawn
isn't impeccable shape and there's no clippings anywhere. Yea, And
I wanted to I just what a dog? Teddy? No,
(25:31):
just be quiet about that dog? No more. I mean,
what do you have? I guess that's her question. Let
me out of here, for God's sake. I'm not an adible.
I'm not an adible. What was that? That looks very interesting?
That's that's a bunny. Look at the money staple through
his head? Uh? Just your colleague, this is my brother
(25:55):
in law. Are you doing? We're doing all right? This
is my wife. I'm married to sister, all right, not
the other way. That doesn't matter to us. So look,
look here's what we got. We got a man with
a bunny staple to its head. Now that I can
let go for britty show. I also got a white bangle,
(26:16):
a white bangler. Can you stop right there? Let me
just have a quick power with my honey. What do
you think about a man with a money stable to
his head? This is this is officially unhinged, Henry. I
can't you wake me up from my three pm nap
to go rush to the Exotic Animal Store. I told
(26:39):
you I just got a fucking donkey. Let's just get wherever. Damn.
I don't want to do the same thing that Dan
is doing. Your name is Timmy, right, Timmy, No, it's Teddy.
Don't crouching to talk to my son. I just like
to get on his level. Let me ask him a question.
He's a grown man, sir, What do you what do
(27:03):
you think about owning your own man with a bunny
staple to Frank? Where the hell have you been? Where
the hell have you been? Frank? And do not bleed
in my kitchen? Okay, but I don't know what happened.
Somebody they I was getting I was getting Starbucks, you know,
(27:26):
I had your latte. I had it, and where is it?
I don't have it anymore, Maureen, I was abducted. Well,
I gotta get the door. Don't don't. Don't answer the
door to them. They want they want a staple more
rodents to me? What are you talking about? Frank? What
is it? We're stapled a bunny to my forehead. I
(27:48):
had to rip it off. That's why I did this, gash.
I don't answer it more. Oh, now I can't answer
the door. You were gone for two weeks, Frank. I'm
gonna be hide in the closet. So do they answer
the door? What? I don't know? But the airs, they're
clearly in there. You don't know if they answered the door. Well,
(28:09):
I came back and eventually they might have answered the door. Johnny,
you're grown man? What are you doing? Yeah, I'm teddy,
and I'm not actually fully grown. I'm I'm pretty close.
But listen when you slip us that note when your
parents were leaving that said I want a job. I
want to work. What do we do? We kidnapped you
(28:29):
from your room, Uh huh, and we're giving you a job.
I don't remember slipping the note that you keep talking
about I guess I'm crazy. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe maybe
he's a little nuts. Maybe he's a little nuts and
maybe maybe a little nuts. Guys, Now, who you want
to have in the corner next to you know what
I mean? Oh? Yeah, good point. Okay, we've we've tracked
him down. He's inside that house. You know what. You know,
(28:52):
what sells really well? Sells really well? Little boys with Bunny,
Tommy Teddy? What's stables all over the neck? Hey? Yeah, Frank? Uh?
I mean Dan Kurt Um? Yeah, I don't know till
in the field here. I don't know if you guys know,
but my our our son has been kidnapped. And can
(29:16):
I just say, it's weird? You got a son? That's
not weird, it's but it's Uh. I would if my
wife would be up. It's kind of her naptime right
now though. Um. But if you've seen him, if you
see him, please let us know. We're worried out of
our minds. But I gotta be honest, I'm looking at
that goddamn donkey making sure it doesn't know how to
(29:38):
use a Blowtorch's know how to use a blowtorch? Tom,
not now, not now? But if I see that thing
blowtorch and a whole digging down so you can pop
up on my lawn and take a ship on my lawn,
we're gonna have problem. And if if you don't use blowtorch,
please don't have him blow up my son. You you're
(30:01):
an animal ass house, is that right? I mean we're
looking into getting some son. Actually Teddy, Teddy wanted to
get a dog and I we said, no, yeah you
don't want it. Teddy your wife. No, Teddy's our son,
a son. That's Rachel's my wife. Huh how is Rachel?
She's she's good. I'm invited her to take a bath.
(30:23):
You know. You know she's a surgeon, so she's up.
You know she has odd hours because she's on. But
you know he's gonna take your milk bath. Stern Medicine
says that milk baths are good for migraines. I don't
know she suffers from migraines. No, she she she doesn't,
but still she Yeah, she's a Western science doctor. Like
I call the city on your ask. Okay, so they're
(30:44):
gonna be coming down here any minute, talking about that
guy damned water buffalo and those cartons and those barrels
of milk. You get out. I'm sorry you called the
city on me, called the city on Dan Well, I
called the city on Tom because because of that miniature pony.
What the fun is he doing to you? Huh? Alright,
(31:07):
I don't like the looks of him. Already looks like
a freak. I'll let you continue this, Maureen. Moreen, we
have coffee at home. Why do I have to go out?
Because they like the way Starbucks does it? We can
we can do a lot. I hope I have PTSD
more we don't have, Okay, so I want a wholemailk steam.
(31:30):
Will you go with me? Will you go with me?
Wait in the car and I'll run it. And I'm
not gonna go. I have to clean up all the
blood in the closet. Oh god, it's still bleeding. I
don't want to go out, all right, Temmy, now's your chance. Okay,
it's gonna follow him. We're gonna follow him nice and
slow wherever he goes. You're gonna hop out and do what.
(31:51):
I'm gonna staple this barning rabbit to his head and
you guys are gonna tie him up something like that. Yeah,
what's to stop him. He's twice my size. What's the stop?
Just clavering me? Welcome to Starbucks, home of the Shake
a Lana. How can I help you? What is the
(32:13):
shake a Lana? It's It's home milk with the peppermint.
Want that I have a mobile mobile for Frank. Mobile mobile.
Oh sorry, a mobile system. Just kind of gut shut.
Then you don't have to wait a little bit outside?
Do you mind why there's nobody in the store A
(32:37):
little bit? Sweet? I looked all over the house again,
he's not here. I'm tired. Please let me just go
to sleep, honey. I know, I know, I know you
need your rest. But we should find our sons. Should
(32:57):
we go to the police? Where else are we gonna look?
He's not in the house. Where else could he be?
I don't know. I mean we've searched the house. I
in the whole every day. You're right, I mean, that's
why I think we should go to the police. You
know you have a police. I know you hate the
nasty little the nasty little bugs in the society of
work of life because you're trying under They live under
(33:20):
the cement blocks and when you lift them up, there
all there and you want to question. No police, honey,
not ants police police. I'm sorry. This is why I
need listened. Listen, fellas mom from the city. As you
can tell, I have the shirt and I have the
shut up, Kurt, I know what you did. It's you.
(33:40):
You're wearing a fake mustache. I was in the city.
You asked to be grass. You know what I called
the city? Anything about my ass? Oh, don't might grab
it my ass. My donkey comes and ships on my lawn.
I'm gonna go, and I'm gonna look at that guy
I look at running across your fields. He's got Bunny's
(34:02):
stables all over to his head and I'm not gonna
look Curts. Throw me a water buffalo, milk bath. He's right.
Look look, oh my god, Oh my god, that's the
weirdest I've ever seen. Wow. Oh that's that was gone.
That was crazy. Anybody wants to jump into a tub
(34:24):
right now, No, just thinking we need to do it.
Make sure that god damn donkey does just started researching
fusion reactors and somehow transports himself over to my side
by splicing up his atoms. I don't know in my life. Look, kid,
(34:46):
he ran away, so you failed. Oh well, at least
we tried, right, Can you guys take me home? I
don't know, I don't know. I'm confused now because the
one hand, you want to work for us, and then
you want to go home, and I'm confused. I am confused.
(35:08):
You want to talk, Maureen? They jumped me, They jumped me,
and they got me again. What's going on? What's going on?
But where's my coffee? I got you a shake? A lot?
What a shaker? What is with peppermint? And that's our second?
(35:30):
Oh my god? Scene three Andrew Larram, Hey everyone, you good? Yeah?
You good suggestion. Successful assassin who only uses finger guns
(35:51):
and jazz hands. Cheers Andrew from Montreal. Alright, alright it
the briefing is. It's on the table. You can open
it if you want. We shouldn't be eating face to face?
Do you know that I like to take risks? Is
(36:11):
that a problem for you? I'm the assassin here. I
think I know what a problem is that? Am the debriefer?
Order up? You're the briefer. You tell me information? Yeah,
but I do. You've been briefed. Gentlemen, which one have
you ordered? The malt I did? Canada? You are and sir,
(36:32):
I'm sorry I didn't get your order. Did you want something? No? Thanks,
I'm just here with that, but I can I have
the restaurant code please yep? One to four, one to
five one two four one two four five two one
(36:54):
two four four one. Maybe you shouldn't be briefing just yeah, no, no,
just give just tell me who the name is and
I'll take care of it. I got it up here
locked away in my brain. Really simple name, all right,
really really sunny clarkman. He's going to be gunned down. No,
(37:18):
let we want a quiet jump, all right, so maybe
you can shove diamonds in his throat and chokes on
some diamonds. And what kind of stupid name is Bunny Diamond? Huh,
I'll get I don't know, I'll find out. Hey, baby, um,
I'm gonna be working late tonight again. I'm sorry. Oh
(37:41):
my god? Did you know what? Do you know? What
today is? Yes? De yeah? And are for your anniversary
and yeah, so I would much prefer that we spent
together because there's nothing worse. I want that too, baby,
(38:04):
It's just you know, I'm I'm sunny, you know what
I mean? All right? Well, what if I came to
work with you. Yeah, that'd be great. Oh really, yeah,
actually you can call the girls if you want, you know,
you can make it a day. Really, yeah, bring the girls.
I'm sure they want to see what a warehouse looks like.
(38:25):
I mean, we've always wanted to see a warehouse. Let
me get him on the line. You're so cute, you
do that, Charlotte. You know what Sunny is inviting me
for my birthday and are in a first rate and
because my mom died also your birthday? Yes you forgot, no, no, no, no, no, anyways,
(38:53):
so yeah, so we got a little drinkets here, little gifts.
So what's the occasion. Oh, it's it's a lot wrapped
in one. So if you have some kind of altogether gift,
some of its joyous and some of it's really grim. Really,
that's what's the occasion? Something my birthday anniversary death? Yeah,
(39:14):
so it's my wedding anniversary, but also the anniversary of
my husband's parents murder suicide. But it's also my niece's birthday. Yeah,
and um, I don't know if you, I don't know
if you celebrate these year after year because I'm not
Catholic myself, but my husband got baptized on this day. Um,
(39:37):
so it's his baptismal anniversary? Or about baptism? Is that
a thing baptis? Oh great? So something that would really
encapsulate all those things would be perfect. My love language
is gift giving, so this is for him? Or yes? Okay, um,
(39:57):
I got some options here? We have lock it. Can
I ask you a question? Did you believe me when
I said my husband? Yeah? I just want to know
if it rolls off the tongue believably or not, because
technically he's like, he's not my husband yet, you know,
but I wanted, I want it to happen, and I
I'm trying to manifest that and I'm trying to. I
(40:19):
wonder if it sounded right coming out of my mouth,
because if it didn't, I'm going to have to break
up with him. You know. Well yeah, I mean, could
I be honest? Yeah? Not really? Not really? What not natural?
I know, I didn't even know the only thing that
sounded legit was the murder suicide. Well that everything else
(40:39):
is real. He's just technically my boyfriend. But you know,
we've been dating for two years, and is that sometime
I'm gonna be honest. I mean, we do have a
code here, and I can't just give you a gift
now knowing that he's not your husband. So and again,
I just want to just say this didn't sound legit
when he said so there's anything in your heart that
(41:02):
says like, hey, maybe he's not the one, you know. Yeah, shit,
m I gotta tell you alright, ladies, this is the warehouse.
That's us, the Forkliff operator. Don't chug him. Don't lug him.
Um so yeah, do you Forkliff for my birthday? You
(41:24):
gotta talk to Chuck. I don't know. He's the man
in on the floor. I'm gonna be in my office.
I got some important work to do. But you ladies
walk around have fun here, Like, what the hell is this?
I don't know what he does here. I think that
he's probably having an affair in in its office. What
you guys with guns walking around here? It's wild? Yeah,
(41:48):
that is weird. I didn't even notice it. I thought
those were like little things that you ring up items,
but just a thing to ring up. Those are guns? Hey, Chuck,
headphones off place? Chuck, Well, I gotta keep listen. Uh
want to let you know, Um, some ladies are around today.
Just keep it cool, you know, I mean, keep it cool,
(42:10):
got it? Keep it cool if they want to co
pathetic and I just don't get it. Came compsnic, Okay,
I will be in my office doing the work, got it? Okay.
I don't mean to bring this party down, girls, and
I really don't want to shoot on your birthday anniversary
slash mom's death day. But I am going to break
(42:34):
up with Jeremy and I'm god to the husband. He
was so close to husband. He was so close to husband.
Two years right, two years? What a waste of my
fucking time? Older? Now you're two years older. Now I'm old. Guys,
(42:55):
Now I'm old. I wasn't now. I don't know why
I can't be about me on one day. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry. I just I thought I would share
that with you guys, because I love you. It doesn't
even look down. Chup. I got to add phones so
I can see your gesturing at me. What's up? Oh?
(43:17):
This is a perfect chuck. What do you think of
my friend? Oh? My god, don't yet. I haven't broken
up with him yet. It's mentally done. You're not supposed
to be on my best behavior. Is this some kind
of trap? No, what do you think, Chuck, you'd give
it a go. Yeah, I'd give it a go. Explicit
(43:41):
terms what i'd do. Hey, baby, I'm still glad you
in my office. I'm glad the girls are having fun.
Can I see a question? Um? I don't recognize one
of the girls? Which one? Sure? The one that's I
know it hasn't the deepest voice of the group, Charlotte.
(44:04):
I just don't she a new friend, because I mean
she's Uh. Sometimes when you have a friend, it feels
like you've known each other forever. And that's what Charlotte's like.
You don't know what it's like to have a girlfriend. No, okay, No,
you're right, just because you know, I'm doing important work
here and I just don't want people I don't know.
But okay, I hear you. Yeah, my friend. Oh Charley,
(44:24):
this is your office. Huh. Yeah, Well I'm gonna have
test you ladies to leave now. Charlotte. It's as good
as I we're best friends. We have these bracelets. Yeah,
it was legally binding. Stacy, sounds like we're gonna get back. Okay,
(44:48):
stay in our office, stay in here. What do you
mean your buddy. Hey, take him off, buddy, take him off. Chat,
I gotta have you. Have you seen a girl named Stacy? Look,
(45:09):
I'm not supposed to learn women's names anymore. Okay, what's
it's It's part of the agreement for me to keep
working here. I can't learn women's names, all right. Well
she looks like this. Let me draw it in my hand.
I can't. I can't see images of women. What are
you doing here? Holy sh it, there you are. What
(45:31):
are you doing here? What do you mean? What am
I doing here? Where were you? I'm at a girl's day.
It's a girl's day at the warehouse. Look the warehouse
with my friends. Well, I didn't know where you went. Look.
I didn't know how to say this, but sometimes I
feel like you're my wife. Are you Stacy? Stacy? They oh, chuck,
(46:03):
said Charlotte. She's like all the girls are down there.
I just needed to get the restroom code from you.
You've done a lot of bad things, and now you're
gonna pay for him. Are you doing, Sonny Gunderson? Yeah?
What are you doing? People? People? Poo people poopoo boo
(46:26):
boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo. Okay you're dead.
No one? Oh god, okay, you killed Sonny Gunderson. It
was sunny Klarksman. Uh, i'm a debriefer, but you're giving
(46:48):
me the information. Order up. I'm gonna use the restroom
real quick. All right, I remember the coach from last time?
Four to one, one to five, be right back. Here's
your malt. Thank you so much. Agent. Do you work
(47:08):
for the company? Boo? Oh yeah, what do you do?
I don't know. You tell me. Oh, I just disappeared
polish just code did not work. There's a uh the
code didn't work. What did you put in one to five? No? No,
(47:30):
it's four or four one one one? What that was it?
For one? What the hell was that server? God? Dave
me disappeared? Oh, you're right, you're right. I'm not okay, Leonard.
I thought that I just thought that you were in
my future and then and then you come over here,
and I'm over you know what I mean, Like, I
(47:53):
can't be doing this. I could be wasting more years
of my youth on you when it doesn't even sound
right when I lie and say you're my husband. Oh
my god, you been telling people I'm your husband. I'm
just trying it out. How dare I think that that's
where this is going to go eventually? How dare you
do until we're actually married? She could be married to Chuck?
(48:17):
Up there, she Chuck. She could be married to him?
Who are you? Who is this? Charlotte? Hey, Charlotte? Who
new friends? Can't I have new friends? You're so controlling?
It's yes, what our show? I love a good happy ending.
(48:44):
Let's meet. Let's let's say thank you to all the
Alchemists that joined in this week. Gosh, Chris, thanks for
having us. Anything that you'd like to guide people to
check out? You say? Thanks for having us? No, I
just want people think I wanted the guide everyone to
whatever it is you're doing. James, that's it. That's all
(49:05):
I host of Alchemy this I don't think. I don't
think so that it was. It was fun anyway. Um.
I just thought he did a great job, you know what.
It was a very James job. And I think that's
all we could ever ask because you're you're a real sweetheart.
I love you. Goodbye, Well, thank you so much. Chris Craig.
What's coming up in your life that you'd like to share?
(49:28):
With all the alchemy this listeners, well the alchemy those uh,
the alchemy this host. Auditions will continue next week. I
think we have mine bi alec and uh is gonna
be exciting. Are they vaccinated yet? I don't know. Well,
it kind of works because we're as zoomed. So yeah,
(49:49):
and Jackie, thanks for joining us today. Would you like
to share with the listeners where they can find more
great content from you? Oh? Sure, the most wonderful pot
of the years, my podcast about Christmas movies. I'd also
like to share how easy, efficient and fast it was
for me to get my booster shot. I got in
less than five minutes. It was so fast and awesome
(50:11):
and um that and I just wanted to also share that,
like I loved getting it, I loved my experience, and
I wanted to share that. Not that it's about me
right now, but I also got my booster and it
was incredibly fast, incredibly fast, and now I'm boosted a tool.
Thank you for joining us again. We couldn't have done
(50:34):
it without you. Thank you. Would you like us to
guide the listeners to find you? Socials are sorry whenever
you're done, I'm done talking now. Thank you. Thanks for
having me. It's always fun and my socials are all
a tool time A T U L T I am.
You can find me on anything, and uh yeah, that's it.
(50:57):
I'm just so happy to be here a tool. Don't
you have uh sketches coming back for you? Right? Yeah,
We're gonna be actually at San Francisco Sketch Fest the
week following Alchemy This Alchemy This is gonna be there
on the uh second of fifty two Sundays in and
we're gonna be there the following Friday night. So if
(51:19):
you're in San Francisco in the Bay Area, Uh, come
on out all right, and Joey, thank you for joining us.
For usually you brought lock greatness. Oh gosh, where can
people find you? And what what are you doing out there? Well,
you can find me here. You can also find me
on the alchemy this reddit page, check out pop on there,
(51:41):
check out alchemy this is Instagram. Might be doing some
stuff there as well. What am I doing? You want?
Know what's going on? What are you not? I got
my booster, so you know, taking appropriate cautions as they are,
but you know what you're feeling, You're like, Yeah, if
I'm feeling protected, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling and uh,
(52:02):
does somebody have the ability to tell us real quick
what the day of the Sketch Fest Alchemy this show
is because I'm trying to figure it out and I
can't get January ninth, January nine, so I believe it's
at one pm and go to s F sketch Fest
dot com for tickets specific time. Well, let's thank our
(52:22):
our engineer and producer to the stars, Mr Doug Babe,
and the fine folks at I Heart Media. I'm your host,
James Heeney, and thank you for listening and until next time,
Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Alchemy.
This I'm your host, James Heathey, taking the place of
Kevin Chester today. Let's meet our alchemists in alphabetical order.
I'd like to go forward to day with the order.
All right, we're gonna start with a tool. A tool?
(00:22):
Would you rather, hello, tool? How are you got a
question for you? Good? Good question? Would you rather do
a two man show with a clone of yourself or
a full eight person show with everybody being clones? If
you you can dress up the clones with little silly hats,
you can tell it in. Uh, two person show with myself.
(00:46):
That's that's enough of me for everybody, and you don't
need more of that. And I like two person shows
as it is as a format. Uh So that's all
the time I actually allotted for your answer. But that's
thank you, Chris. Are you more of an art museum
fan or a science and industry museum man? Are you
(01:08):
mad at us? I'm not mad, I'm just hosting serious.
I'm serious. Yeah, you feel like a like a like
a sixty minutes like like you know, it was like
it was very professor. Would you believe that I actually
this is the second group of questions, I wrote because
last night when you told me to be careful for
the length of the scene, I was like, well, my
questions are too long, so I'm just trying to keep
(01:28):
it on point. Chris, can you like art museums more?
Or do you like science and industry museums more? Just
answer damn questions. You need a little bit of why
I like art museums more. Thank you very much for
great That's a good answer, Craig. This is important because
(01:48):
I don't have that many opportunities to ask you a
question like this, but I need to know. Well, first,
how are you? Are you fine? Good? All right? What
the hell does have your cake and eat it to mean?
Because what else do you do with it? Like? What's
the phrase supposed to inspire in me? This is actually
one of the few things that Ted Kazinski got right,
(02:09):
because the phrase should be you can't eat your cake
and have it too. It's reversed, meaning once you've eatn
your cake, you no longer have it, so you can't
do both things. You can indeed have your cake and
then eat it. So the phrase, the phrase that we
know is wrong, and this is how they caught the
(02:30):
UNI bomber, which is why I made the reference, because
Ted Kazinski was the UNI bomber, but I wasn't sure.
Well spoilers, but he is uh And in his manifesto
he used the phrase you can't uh what's the right
one cake and eat it too? And it makes me
(02:50):
mad when I hear it. How wrong the un bomber was,
and I think he's I think that's one of the
things that his brother RECOGNI that was a dead giveaway
because he was pedantic about phrases like that. That's hilarious,
it was. The phrase is originally attributed to somebody in
the French Revolution, joanah arc or you're thinking of Marie
(03:14):
and Triette saying the French Revolution. Alright, so this question
is coming to Jackie. Jackie, welcome, How are you today.
I'm a little nervous, but I'm good. You know what
You and me both okay. I got a question for
you though, And this is an improv like this superpower
(03:35):
you couldn't take off stage. Would you rather have the
ability to read other people's minds or on stage be
able to send subliminal messages that only they could hear
their mind? I think sense of little messages. I think
hearing them would get me too much in my head
and now I'm plotting, but sending a little messages then
(03:57):
they can help me because sometimes I have things that
are stuck and I can't get them out. I can't
figure out how to get them out, so maybe they
can help me do that. So so Jackie, so you'd
be like like talking like this, and then you go like, Chris,
I'm actually your niece at the farm like that. So
I would be like clear for me, and I'm like, oh, welcome,
set the farm like that. That's not how you not
(04:18):
how I was thinking. I was thinking more like, sometimes
I have an idea and I can't figure out how
to manifested, how to make it make sense to other people. Well,
unfortunately the problem is that you'd be sending out very
scattered thoughts. You know what, I'm not saying that you
(04:39):
have clear I trust, I trust my because that's that's
pretty liminal. That's not subliminal, you know what I mean.
It's liminal. I want to send limital messages. Alright, Joe.
I know that you're known for having long um responses,
and I and I don't have a lot of time
for it today. In fact, we're trying to sell time.
Are you playing with the box? I'm here a place.
(05:02):
There's my microphone has a little tiny thing about him
to I keep accidentally hitting. But Joey, here's the How
are you doing it? I'm good? Great, awesome? It's ten
minutes early is five minutes late? What time should you
really arrive? If ten minutes early is five minutes late, okay,
(05:25):
fifteen minutes earlier, then that's the time. Fifteen minutes early,
but then that's on time. That's right. Do you said
ten minutes early, seven minutes late? Yeah, alright, so that
makes sense. It was way more straightforward than I expected
you to give. So we've met all the alchemists and
(05:46):
what qus No, the other ones took a long time
to read out loud. So all of today's suggestions come
from listener emails. And if you want priority getting your
suggestions up on the list, well, then you should consider
becoming a Patreon v I P member or even an
alchy maniac. There's tons of great benefits, including bonus scenes. Now,
(06:09):
if you want that, go ahead, head on over to Alchemy.
I'm sorry, Patreon dot com, slash alchemy this or if
you'd like to submsicine suggestion the traditional way, you can
email us at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com.
That's great. So the first scene suggestion it on today
(06:34):
is from Jay Barton, and I don't typically like to
spoil the scene suggestions, but I'm gonna cut to the
end where it says, ps as kissing goes here make
a juicy or Kevin won't read your email, which sounded
is strange because I was like, well, that's at the end,
he would have already read it. But nonetheless, here's the
email from j Martin. Hello Kevin. My last suggestion was
(06:57):
too long and this made is angry. I've made this
one shorter. There's this guy and he goes to the movies.
He's watching a movie when the guy next to him
spills popcorn. The first guy forgot to buy popcorn beforehand,
but it's cool because now he's got floor popcorn to
graze on. At first, he's happy, but then he gets
(07:18):
a bit angry because the other guy is sitting next
to him. He's not worried about social distancing or anything,
just that the guy's feet are in the way of
his popcorn. Anyway, the movie kind of sucks and the
other guy up the back has fallen asleep and his snoring.
No one's worried about this because they have snacks. A
couple of weeks later, one of the guys orders a
(07:40):
hot dog online but never gets delivered. He hires a
private investigator to track down the hot dog. Unfortunately, man,
we're almost there. We're alost there. Uh an auto correct
error brings a private investigator to his door. Long story short,
I lost my toenail. Not sure if the hot dog
(08:02):
was ever found. Anyway, My scene suggestion is second hand
olives yours forever scene suggestor the is a good olives.
I'm telling you right now, these are good. These are good,
and and you think that the quality is high? Oh yeah,
they I mean, trust me, they wouldn't be put back
(08:22):
into a container, you know what I mean, unless they
unless they weren't legit. So I'm doing a picnic, you
know what I mean. But a special special someone. Okay,
so like a boss you're trying to get a raise
or something kind of but like romantic, you know what
I mean. And so I can't afford the you know,
(08:43):
I can't afford the good stuff, But if I can
get the good stuff at a good price. Got you
got you, got you? Okay? Okay, yeah, so you want
then then follow me? Okay, holy shit, you like these? Yeah?
These are all the real olives. You don't want these?
So okay, yeah, keep Yeah, I made out alive. Come on,
(09:03):
keep following me. Jesus those puppies. Yeah, can I touch him?
They made out alives? Here a right, let me just
open this trunk, master, master, I'm back to work. Okay,
before you get back to work here, let me just
(09:24):
pull out the zip luck back here, spit up some
olives in there. I should do it. There you go.
Some of them have pitts, so yeah, all right, you
can bring that back the front of the Yeah. Did
you not see who just spit them up? What was
(09:45):
that thing? What was that thing? That's an olive? Boy?
All right, yes, my friend okay, from the island of Crete. Okay,
they don't make him like that tomorrow. Okay. Uh oh,
he just his trunk he asked to Yeah, he's tell
it to it. We have Rudy him brought him there.
So that so the original soil from the island, so
(10:05):
it's kind of where he hangs down. He doesn't need
natural sunlight at this points fully grown. So just bring
that up to the check out be able to get
you out of there. And did you do anything else? No?
I think this will do it. Thank you, so learning anything.
I love paraphernalia. You don't needy olive Now I'm just
hoping that this hope, I hope she can recognize the quality,
you know what I mean. Of course you really don't
need anything else, all though, for real little olive plate.
(10:29):
Maybe maybe in olive plate. Yeah, what's an olive plates?
And look at this? Okay, come on, just follow me.
Oh yeah, okay, well we're getting this boat. Oh hello,
are you here? Yeah, we're here. Bow man all right,
(10:50):
so just ah that he's free. Don't give him water
because it is free. Okay, the person's all right. Do
you have a do you do you have like a
gold coin? Do I have a gold tess about it?
Here's two gold coins. Don't put him up so normally
alive plates, but we got are so nice. Well this
(11:18):
is nice. Thank you. You went above and beyond. I
thought I thought you'd like it was yes, yes, fancy shmancy.
I was thinking, what if I got a corresponding plate
for every food item. You know what I mean, like baby,
(11:38):
so thoughtful, thank you, thank you? Fuck yes yes? Um?
Well and olives dave along on the olive plates. Do
you know that? I'm sorry, I gotta do this. I'm
gotta do this because you know me and words pitted
olives can refer to olives with pits or without pits.
It's so frustrating because words should just mean what they
(12:00):
mean and not their opposite. That's so sexy, that is
so sexy. Geez, I've got way more moved. I've started
semi monthly. I think that's my phone because we're on
to get my periods in my monthly. Okay, I'm gonna
check my phone out quick. Um. Oh shit, someone's at
(12:25):
the front of the park. I gotta meet someone real quick.
In front of the park. Well, yeah, you know how
we parked down there and then we walked up here. Yeah,
we gotta walk all the way back to the fuel.
You just relax, you just relax, give me one second.
Oh hey, you just in here by yourself. You can
some moll up. So yeah, waiting for my boyfriend. Waiting
(12:49):
for my boyfriend in a number of ways. How long
you all have been dated? Two years? Two years. You're
not engaged. No, I know right right? That ain't right.
Do you want some of these olives? They're pitted? What
does that mean? I don't know. You could go either way. Well,
(13:14):
I can't have I have very soft teeth. Okay, my
teeth are like gum. Let me see, let me see.
Oh my god? Yeah, Hey, what's up? We can't get
all the photography equipment down for the proposal unless we
bring this cart. And uh, I didn't realize the park
was so far. What where's your crew? You have a crew, right,
(13:38):
I'm just a one guy photo guy. Uh. Can can
you use a drone? I don't have a drone? I
got in this cart. Can you help me carry? I'm sure.
Just tell her that it. Just tell her you met
me and I needed some help. I'll be She won't
even notice me when I'm taking pictures. Okay. So the
plan will be when we go back up there and
I say I got a message to meet someone that
(13:58):
someone who as is to meet someone, My text went off,
all right, Well, I'll put this, I'll put this hat
and this fake mustache on, and then and then she
doesn't recognize you anyway. She doesn't know who you are
point here you put this. Okay, Wow, that's weird. Your
your teeth are soft, but your gums are like rock hard,
(14:21):
kind of like an inverse. Oh god, I've been I've
been tested on my entire life. Really. Yeah. Did you
hear that park door open? I think so. It's it's
pretty distinctive sound. You have the electrodes on your head?
Uh yeah. I gotta keep him on Wonderful seven. They
(14:42):
paid my rent. Well, I help you with some of
these olives because I don't know if he's coming back
or what. Oh. The number one issue we have it
here is either leaves on the path or dog pooped
hasn't been picked up. So that's where we contribute the most. Okay,
here's okay, thank you for your time. Excuse me, sir?
(15:09):
Can we help you? Sir? Can we help you? I'm sorry,
I'm on the phone. I just get who are you
trying to? Sir? Sir? Come back. Sometimes you'll get some
park weirdos. Don't worry about them. They usually mind their
own business. Okay, I just want to be clear again.
(15:31):
You know I'm I'm a recent retiree and I'm not
looking for hard work, just something to spend my time.
It's it's not too hard, as you know, Rachel. It's
just every once in a while you do have to
bend down to do so. Like, I'm so sorry. I
don't know who else to tell, but there's some fucking
creep taking photos. It was a fucking creep oh over
(15:54):
there by, but I got him free taking photos. I
don't know who to tell, but he just does what
does he try? He's got a hat and he looks
like his a fake mustache on top of his mustache.
He has a mustare Calm down, sir, Okay, these are
pretty good angles over here, right, she looks beautiful. She's
(16:15):
talking to Oh. I don't know. Maybe that's her dad.
I've never met her Dad's probably her dad. How would
her dad noted me? It's at the park for this picnic.
I've never even met her a lot less her dad.
Good point. Jeez, you're smart man. Thank you? Do you
(16:37):
do you mind stepping a little closer. I don't know
if she'll notice me, but I want to make sure
that I get both of you and focus. Oh actually, oh,
these pictures of her and her dad are really really good.
I'm so sorry. I don't mean to interrupt. Um, I
do work for the parks here, and I've been hearing
(16:59):
a comple paint about what's going on here, and I
just want to make it clear. You're not allowed to
photograph other people's strangers at the park and allowed to
hide in bushes while you bore. Um. So I'm I'm
a photographer. These guys whore going to age. She's gonna
pop the question. You see that wan there? Who's kissing that?
(17:22):
So they're getting engaged and you guys, oh, you're you're
right like touching your touching your teeth with my tongue
like they were like gums, right, yeah, yeah, well you
know again, just for science, that's why we did that.
It's just for that is crazy. Okay, I'm gonna I'm
gonna hand feed you in olive. Close your eyes, close
(17:45):
your eyes, and you tell me, oh god, she's hitting
feeding him. That can't be your dad him me and
you look like a Rachel. Yeah, Rachel? Have you ever?
I was going to propose to that woman over there.
I got her the best all of us I could afford.
(18:07):
I got her the best ring I gotta afford. I
brought her to this park because it's free, and I
just want to tell her I love her, but she
seems to be with someone else. Um rule, can you
can she illegal? That's nothing that I can enforce, and
so you can enforce us taking pictures in the I'm
a photographer. You cut a lot of corners on on
(18:28):
some of the important things. Buddy, Yeah, you're right. Maybe
she deserves to be with that guy. Yes, Calamata, how
did you know? I just tell I tell excuse me.
I'm the park ranger and we've got some complaints about
some p d A from this picnic. So if I
can ask barrier, ye, no public displays of function. I've
(18:53):
heard that joke before. It wasn't a joke. I'm very
precise with language. I'm very precise with lane which as well.
There's multiple different ways to to extend an abbreviation. Wait,
she's getting into like a really intense conversation with another man.
What is happening? What? Who is she? You're seeing this? Right?
(19:17):
I'm seeing? Can I offer you some services? I'm a
retired mental health counselor and I mainly do family mediations
some couples there. What what do you? What are you
(19:38):
gonna do? You can help chalk it out if you wanted.
Why don't you go to traumatic? Why don't you talk
to her? See that's the thing though, when you're the
um counselor you you have to be a third part.
The whole point of view is that you're a third
party that's not investing it. You're just there to listen
and to give unbiased recommendations. Okay, come with me, then
(20:03):
let's go. Hey, you take you take pictures. Hold on
a second, did you just step in my dog shit? Yeah?
I sip in dog shit? Yeah? Well I left it
there for a reason, asshole, you matter take a ship
where he did? They're all right, wait I need it
here now? Yeah, they're trying dog shit? Can't we even
just stepped in it? All right? I'm sorry, No problems,
(20:23):
No problems, Rachel, take a dump all right now? Okay, Parker,
I tried this olive and a little bit of men
shake o cheese and some slivered almonds, and tell me
that this is amazing. Can you put the cheese in? Okay? Yes?
Is that all? Is it? All the way in? My
(20:43):
tongue doesn't fluctuate all the way back, so I have
to put food in initially in the back. Oh that
is I'm so sorry, delicious. Isn't that good? Okay, I'm done,
and that's it my hand. Let's go, let's go. It's
getting off, it's getting worse. Let's go into that scene one.
(21:08):
I really wanted to see him get over there. I
wish you didn't step in the dog ship judgment. You
can only wish here, seemed to from el Comaniac Nicholas
Marco Hi hope Kevin is okay. Amazon can be a
(21:30):
cruel mistress anyhow, New day, new scene. Man coveting his
neighbor's ass. Let's go, guys, is a wast Nicholas, What hey, Danny,
how are you doing all right? Just got this donkey?
Yeah that's a nice donkey. Yeah, you know, I just
(21:51):
gotta get it. You know, some uh fields, the plow
and everything. So well, how abou I'm you just spend
on about two thousand dollars. That's pretty good. Yeah, I
got a little uh, I got a minute. Your pony
over here. It doesn't work the same, No, it's that's
(22:12):
more of a menstrosity and less of you know what,
beast of burden. Then it can actually do some work
for you. Well, the burden is that it's a monstrosity. Yeah,
but cute though, cute. Yeah, Hey, do me a favor.
Make sure I think there's some ship on my lawn. Uh,
it won't ship on your lawn, because better, we've got
(22:33):
a fence. You know, he's gonna be cloud most of
the times. Yeah. Great, Well, I don't want to see
any kind of pliers duct taped to his hoofs and
then him using those plyers to cut the de fence
and take a ship on my lawn. Why would he
do that? I'm just saying that, Dan, that's it. No,
but the donkey's gonna stay on stay on my property,
(22:54):
is gonna do the all the shipping on my property.
You don't have to worry. Better better, Hey, Dan, Tom
Kurt Kurt, Uh boy, I look at you too. Huh wow,
what a day? What a day? And what's up you creep.
I'm just just wondering if maybe you guys wanted to Um, No,
(23:16):
we're not gonna take a milk bath. Okay, you get
the hell away. You ask us three times a day
to take a milk bath. It's not gonna work. What not.
I don't even I don't even know why I have
to answer that it's disgustie. I have to take a
bath after the milk bath. Hey, this is water buffalo milk.
I'm talking here, so what so what's so? It's good
(23:39):
for your skin? You're you're the one invested in those
water buffaloes, man, and nobody wants your milk. And you've
got all this excess you're trying to get rid of.
And I've talked to the city, okay, and you're gonna
have to remove those gardens. So by I've talked to
the city too. And yeah, let me tell you something.
If I find out that you're fucking donkey. It's got pliers,
(24:00):
wire cutters, duct taped to its hooves, and it cuts
into my fence and ships on my lawn. Doesn't two
people say that one day? Honey, honey, come come take
a look at this. Look Look across the street. Look
look Dan, Tom and Kurt. We're all chatting. Yeah great,
(24:22):
you know they all have illegal animals. They're not allowed
to have any of these animals. Was called. Dan just
got a an ass, Tom's got a pony or a
small and Curt's got a water buffalo at outside, son, Alright,
get in here, all right, You see that guy on
(24:43):
the left. Yeah, yeah, Dan, Dan's good an as he's
got a that's a that's an ass. Yeah, he's got
an ass. Why did you wake me up from my
ten am naw to tell me this baby? This is important.
We should get an animal. I've been wanting an animal too.
I'm ready to have responsibility. Folks, welcome into the illegal
(25:08):
animal shop. Well kind of illegal animal are you thinking
about purchasing today? Well, our neighbor has a beautiful donkey
that does a lot of work for them. Their lawn
isn't impeccable shape and there's no clippings anywhere. Yea, And
I wanted to I just what a dog? Teddy? No,
(25:31):
just be quiet about that dog? No more. I mean,
what do you have? I guess that's her question. Let
me out of here, for God's sake. I'm not an adible.
I'm not an adible. What was that? That looks very interesting?
That's that's a bunny. Look at the money staple through
his head? Uh? Just your colleague, this is my brother
(25:55):
in law. Are you doing? We're doing all right? This
is my wife. I'm married to sister, all right, not
the other way. That doesn't matter to us. So look,
look here's what we got. We got a man with
a bunny staple to its head. Now that I can
let go for britty show. I also got a white bangle,
(26:16):
a white bangler. Can you stop right there? Let me
just have a quick power with my honey. What do
you think about a man with a money stable to
his head? This is this is officially unhinged, Henry. I
can't you wake me up from my three pm nap
to go rush to the Exotic Animal Store. I told
(26:39):
you I just got a fucking donkey. Let's just get wherever. Damn.
I don't want to do the same thing that Dan
is doing. Your name is Timmy, right, Timmy, No, it's Teddy.
Don't crouching to talk to my son. I just like
to get on his level. Let me ask him a question.
He's a grown man, sir, What do you what do
(27:03):
you think about owning your own man with a bunny
staple to Frank? Where the hell have you been? Where
the hell have you been? Frank? And do not bleed
in my kitchen? Okay, but I don't know what happened.
Somebody they I was getting I was getting Starbucks, you know,
(27:26):
I had your latte. I had it, and where is it?
I don't have it anymore, Maureen, I was abducted. Well,
I gotta get the door. Don't don't. Don't answer the
door to them. They want they want a staple more
rodents to me? What are you talking about? Frank? What
is it? We're stapled a bunny to my forehead. I
(27:48):
had to rip it off. That's why I did this, gash.
I don't answer it more. Oh, now I can't answer
the door. You were gone for two weeks, Frank. I'm
gonna be hide in the closet. So do they answer
the door? What? I don't know? But the airs, they're
clearly in there. You don't know if they answered the door. Well,
(28:09):
I came back and eventually they might have answered the door. Johnny,
you're grown man? What are you doing? Yeah, I'm teddy,
and I'm not actually fully grown. I'm I'm pretty close.
But listen when you slip us that note when your
parents were leaving that said I want a job. I
want to work. What do we do? We kidnapped you
(28:29):
from your room, Uh huh, and we're giving you a job.
I don't remember slipping the note that you keep talking
about I guess I'm crazy. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe maybe
he's a little nuts. Maybe he's a little nuts and
maybe maybe a little nuts. Guys, Now, who you want
to have in the corner next to you know what
I mean? Oh? Yeah, good point. Okay, we've we've tracked
him down. He's inside that house. You know what. You know,
(28:52):
what sells really well? Sells really well? Little boys with Bunny,
Tommy Teddy? What's stables all over the neck? Hey? Yeah, Frank? Uh?
I mean Dan Kurt Um? Yeah, I don't know till
in the field here. I don't know if you guys know,
but my our our son has been kidnapped. And can
(29:16):
I just say, it's weird? You got a son? That's
not weird, it's but it's Uh. I would if my
wife would be up. It's kind of her naptime right
now though. Um. But if you've seen him, if you
see him, please let us know. We're worried out of
our minds. But I gotta be honest, I'm looking at
that goddamn donkey making sure it doesn't know how to
(29:38):
use a Blowtorch's know how to use a blowtorch? Tom,
not now, not now? But if I see that thing
blowtorch and a whole digging down so you can pop
up on my lawn and take a ship on my lawn,
we're gonna have problem. And if if you don't use blowtorch,
please don't have him blow up my son. You you're
(30:01):
an animal ass house, is that right? I mean we're
looking into getting some son. Actually Teddy, Teddy wanted to
get a dog and I we said, no, yeah you
don't want it. Teddy your wife. No, Teddy's our son,
a son. That's Rachel's my wife. Huh how is Rachel?
She's she's good. I'm invited her to take a bath.
(30:23):
You know. You know she's a surgeon, so she's up.
You know she has odd hours because she's on. But
you know he's gonna take your milk bath. Stern Medicine
says that milk baths are good for migraines. I don't
know she suffers from migraines. No, she she she doesn't,
but still she Yeah, she's a Western science doctor. Like
I call the city on your ask. Okay, so they're
(30:44):
gonna be coming down here any minute, talking about that
guy damned water buffalo and those cartons and those barrels
of milk. You get out. I'm sorry you called the
city on me, called the city on Dan Well, I
called the city on Tom because because of that miniature pony.
What the fun is he doing to you? Huh? Alright,
(31:07):
I don't like the looks of him. Already looks like
a freak. I'll let you continue this, Maureen. Moreen, we
have coffee at home. Why do I have to go out?
Because they like the way Starbucks does it? We can
we can do a lot. I hope I have PTSD
more we don't have, Okay, so I want a wholemailk steam.
(31:30):
Will you go with me? Will you go with me?
Wait in the car and I'll run it. And I'm
not gonna go. I have to clean up all the
blood in the closet. Oh god, it's still bleeding. I
don't want to go out, all right, Temmy, now's your chance. Okay,
it's gonna follow him. We're gonna follow him nice and
slow wherever he goes. You're gonna hop out and do what.
(31:51):
I'm gonna staple this barning rabbit to his head and
you guys are gonna tie him up something like that. Yeah,
what's to stop him. He's twice my size. What's the stop?
Just clavering me? Welcome to Starbucks, home of the Shake
a Lana. How can I help you? What is the
(32:13):
shake a Lana? It's It's home milk with the peppermint.
Want that I have a mobile mobile for Frank. Mobile mobile.
Oh sorry, a mobile system. Just kind of gut shut.
Then you don't have to wait a little bit outside?
Do you mind why there's nobody in the store A
(32:37):
little bit? Sweet? I looked all over the house again,
he's not here. I'm tired. Please let me just go
to sleep, honey. I know, I know, I know you
need your rest. But we should find our sons. Should
(32:57):
we go to the police? Where else are we gonna look?
He's not in the house. Where else could he be?
I don't know. I mean we've searched the house. I
in the whole every day. You're right, I mean, that's
why I think we should go to the police. You
know you have a police. I know you hate the
nasty little the nasty little bugs in the society of
work of life because you're trying under They live under
(33:20):
the cement blocks and when you lift them up, there
all there and you want to question. No police, honey,
not ants police police. I'm sorry. This is why I
need listened. Listen, fellas mom from the city. As you
can tell, I have the shirt and I have the
shut up, Kurt, I know what you did. It's you.
(33:40):
You're wearing a fake mustache. I was in the city.
You asked to be grass. You know what I called
the city? Anything about my ass? Oh, don't might grab
it my ass. My donkey comes and ships on my lawn.
I'm gonna go, and I'm gonna look at that guy
I look at running across your fields. He's got Bunny's
(34:02):
stables all over to his head and I'm not gonna
look Curts. Throw me a water buffalo, milk bath. He's right.
Look look, oh my god, Oh my god, that's the
weirdest I've ever seen. Wow. Oh that's that was gone.
That was crazy. Anybody wants to jump into a tub
(34:24):
right now, No, just thinking we need to do it.
Make sure that god damn donkey does just started researching
fusion reactors and somehow transports himself over to my side
by splicing up his atoms. I don't know in my life. Look, kid,
(34:46):
he ran away, so you failed. Oh well, at least
we tried, right, Can you guys take me home? I
don't know, I don't know. I'm confused now because the
one hand, you want to work for us, and then
you want to go home, and I'm confused. I am confused.
(35:08):
You want to talk, Maureen? They jumped me, They jumped me,
and they got me again. What's going on? What's going on?
But where's my coffee? I got you a shake? A lot?
What a shaker? What is with peppermint? And that's our second?
(35:30):
Oh my god? Scene three Andrew Larram, Hey everyone, you good? Yeah?
You good suggestion. Successful assassin who only uses finger guns
(35:51):
and jazz hands. Cheers Andrew from Montreal. Alright, alright it
the briefing is. It's on the table. You can open
it if you want. We shouldn't be eating face to face?
Do you know that I like to take risks? Is
(36:11):
that a problem for you? I'm the assassin here. I
think I know what a problem is that? Am the debriefer?
Order up? You're the briefer. You tell me information? Yeah,
but I do. You've been briefed. Gentlemen, which one have
you ordered? The malt I did? Canada? You are and sir,
(36:32):
I'm sorry I didn't get your order. Did you want something? No? Thanks,
I'm just here with that, but I can I have
the restaurant code please yep? One to four, one to
five one two four one two four five two one
(36:54):
two four four one. Maybe you shouldn't be briefing just yeah, no, no,
just give just tell me who the name is and
I'll take care of it. I got it up here
locked away in my brain. Really simple name, all right,
really really sunny clarkman. He's going to be gunned down. No,
(37:18):
let we want a quiet jump, all right, so maybe
you can shove diamonds in his throat and chokes on
some diamonds. And what kind of stupid name is Bunny Diamond? Huh,
I'll get I don't know, I'll find out. Hey, baby, um,
I'm gonna be working late tonight again. I'm sorry. Oh
(37:41):
my god? Did you know what? Do you know? What
today is? Yes? De yeah? And are for your anniversary
and yeah, so I would much prefer that we spent
together because there's nothing worse. I want that too, baby,
(38:04):
It's just you know, I'm I'm sunny, you know what
I mean? All right? Well, what if I came to
work with you. Yeah, that'd be great. Oh really, yeah,
actually you can call the girls if you want, you know,
you can make it a day. Really, yeah, bring the girls.
I'm sure they want to see what a warehouse looks like.
(38:25):
I mean, we've always wanted to see a warehouse. Let
me get him on the line. You're so cute, you
do that, Charlotte. You know what Sunny is inviting me
for my birthday and are in a first rate and
because my mom died also your birthday? Yes you forgot, no, no, no, no, no, anyways,
(38:53):
so yeah, so we got a little drinkets here, little gifts.
So what's the occasion. Oh, it's it's a lot wrapped
in one. So if you have some kind of altogether gift,
some of its joyous and some of it's really grim. Really,
that's what's the occasion? Something my birthday anniversary death? Yeah,
(39:14):
so it's my wedding anniversary, but also the anniversary of
my husband's parents murder suicide. But it's also my niece's birthday. Yeah,
and um, I don't know if you, I don't know
if you celebrate these year after year because I'm not
Catholic myself, but my husband got baptized on this day. Um,
(39:37):
so it's his baptismal anniversary? Or about baptism? Is that
a thing baptis? Oh great? So something that would really
encapsulate all those things would be perfect. My love language
is gift giving, so this is for him? Or yes? Okay, um,
(39:57):
I got some options here? We have lock it. Can
I ask you a question? Did you believe me when
I said my husband? Yeah? I just want to know
if it rolls off the tongue believably or not, because
technically he's like, he's not my husband yet, you know,
but I wanted, I want it to happen, and I
I'm trying to manifest that and I'm trying to. I
(40:19):
wonder if it sounded right coming out of my mouth,
because if it didn't, I'm going to have to break
up with him. You know. Well yeah, I mean, could
I be honest? Yeah? Not really? Not really? What not natural?
I know, I didn't even know the only thing that
sounded legit was the murder suicide. Well that everything else
(40:39):
is real. He's just technically my boyfriend. But you know,
we've been dating for two years, and is that sometime
I'm gonna be honest. I mean, we do have a
code here, and I can't just give you a gift
now knowing that he's not your husband. So and again,
I just want to just say this didn't sound legit
when he said so there's anything in your heart that
(41:02):
says like, hey, maybe he's not the one, you know. Yeah, shit,
m I gotta tell you alright, ladies, this is the warehouse.
That's us, the Forkliff operator. Don't chug him. Don't lug him.
Um so yeah, do you Forkliff for my birthday? You
(41:24):
gotta talk to Chuck. I don't know. He's the man
in on the floor. I'm gonna be in my office.
I got some important work to do. But you ladies
walk around have fun here, Like, what the hell is this?
I don't know what he does here. I think that
he's probably having an affair in in its office. What
you guys with guns walking around here? It's wild? Yeah,
(41:48):
that is weird. I didn't even notice it. I thought
those were like little things that you ring up items,
but just a thing to ring up. Those are guns? Hey, Chuck,
headphones off place? Chuck, Well, I gotta keep listen. Uh
want to let you know, Um, some ladies are around today.
Just keep it cool, you know, I mean, keep it cool,
(42:10):
got it? Keep it cool if they want to co
pathetic and I just don't get it. Came compsnic, Okay,
I will be in my office doing the work, got it? Okay.
I don't mean to bring this party down, girls, and
I really don't want to shoot on your birthday anniversary
slash mom's death day. But I am going to break
(42:34):
up with Jeremy and I'm god to the husband. He
was so close to husband. He was so close to husband.
Two years right, two years? What a waste of my
fucking time? Older? Now you're two years older. Now I'm old. Guys,
(42:55):
Now I'm old. I wasn't now. I don't know why
I can't be about me on one day. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry. I just I thought I would share
that with you guys, because I love you. It doesn't
even look down. Chup. I got to add phones so
I can see your gesturing at me. What's up? Oh?
(43:17):
This is a perfect chuck. What do you think of
my friend? Oh? My god, don't yet. I haven't broken
up with him yet. It's mentally done. You're not supposed
to be on my best behavior. Is this some kind
of trap? No, what do you think, Chuck, you'd give
it a go. Yeah, I'd give it a go. Explicit
(43:41):
terms what i'd do. Hey, baby, I'm still glad you
in my office. I'm glad the girls are having fun.
Can I see a question? Um? I don't recognize one
of the girls? Which one? Sure? The one that's I
know it hasn't the deepest voice of the group, Charlotte.
(44:04):
I just don't she a new friend, because I mean
she's Uh. Sometimes when you have a friend, it feels
like you've known each other forever. And that's what Charlotte's like.
You don't know what it's like to have a girlfriend. No, okay, No,
you're right, just because you know, I'm doing important work
here and I just don't want people I don't know.
But okay, I hear you. Yeah, my friend. Oh Charley,
(44:24):
this is your office. Huh. Yeah, Well I'm gonna have
test you ladies to leave now. Charlotte. It's as good
as I we're best friends. We have these bracelets. Yeah,
it was legally binding. Stacy, sounds like we're gonna get back. Okay,
(44:48):
stay in our office, stay in here. What do you
mean your buddy. Hey, take him off, buddy, take him off. Chat,
I gotta have you. Have you seen a girl named Stacy? Look,
(45:09):
I'm not supposed to learn women's names anymore. Okay, what's
it's It's part of the agreement for me to keep
working here. I can't learn women's names, all right. Well
she looks like this. Let me draw it in my hand.
I can't. I can't see images of women. What are
you doing here? Holy sh it, there you are. What
(45:31):
are you doing here? What do you mean? What am
I doing here? Where were you? I'm at a girl's day.
It's a girl's day at the warehouse. Look the warehouse
with my friends. Well, I didn't know where you went. Look.
I didn't know how to say this, but sometimes I
feel like you're my wife. Are you Stacy? Stacy? They oh, chuck,
(46:03):
said Charlotte. She's like all the girls are down there.
I just needed to get the restroom code from you.
You've done a lot of bad things, and now you're
gonna pay for him. Are you doing, Sonny Gunderson? Yeah?
What are you doing? People? People? Poo people poopoo boo
(46:26):
boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo. Okay you're dead.
No one? Oh god, okay, you killed Sonny Gunderson. It
was sunny Klarksman. Uh, i'm a debriefer, but you're giving
(46:48):
me the information. Order up. I'm gonna use the restroom
real quick. All right, I remember the coach from last time?
Four to one, one to five, be right back. Here's
your malt. Thank you so much. Agent. Do you work
(47:08):
for the company? Boo? Oh yeah, what do you do?
I don't know. You tell me. Oh, I just disappeared
polish just code did not work. There's a uh the
code didn't work. What did you put in one to five? No? No,
(47:30):
it's four or four one one one? What that was it?
For one? What the hell was that server? God? Dave
me disappeared? Oh, you're right, you're right. I'm not okay, Leonard.
I thought that I just thought that you were in
my future and then and then you come over here,
and I'm over you know what I mean, Like, I
(47:53):
can't be doing this. I could be wasting more years
of my youth on you when it doesn't even sound
right when I lie and say you're my husband. Oh
my god, you been telling people I'm your husband. I'm
just trying it out. How dare I think that that's
where this is going to go eventually? How dare you
do until we're actually married? She could be married to Chuck?
(48:17):
Up there, she Chuck. She could be married to him?
Who are you? Who is this? Charlotte? Hey, Charlotte? Who
new friends? Can't I have new friends? You're so controlling?
It's yes, what our show? I love a good happy ending.
(48:44):
Let's meet. Let's let's say thank you to all the
Alchemists that joined in this week. Gosh, Chris, thanks for
having us. Anything that you'd like to guide people to
check out? You say? Thanks for having us? No, I
just want people think I wanted the guide everyone to
whatever it is you're doing. James, that's it. That's all
(49:05):
I host of Alchemy this I don't think. I don't
think so that it was. It was fun anyway. Um.
I just thought he did a great job, you know what.
It was a very James job. And I think that's
all we could ever ask because you're you're a real sweetheart.
I love you. Goodbye, Well, thank you so much. Chris Craig.
What's coming up in your life that you'd like to share?
(49:28):
With all the alchemy this listeners, well the alchemy those uh,
the alchemy this host. Auditions will continue next week. I
think we have mine bi alec and uh is gonna
be exciting. Are they vaccinated yet? I don't know. Well,
it kind of works because we're as zoomed. So yeah,
(49:49):
and Jackie, thanks for joining us today. Would you like
to share with the listeners where they can find more
great content from you? Oh? Sure, the most wonderful pot
of the years, my podcast about Christmas movies. I'd also
like to share how easy, efficient and fast it was
for me to get my booster shot. I got in
less than five minutes. It was so fast and awesome
(50:11):
and um that and I just wanted to also share that,
like I loved getting it, I loved my experience, and
I wanted to share that. Not that it's about me
right now, but I also got my booster and it
was incredibly fast, incredibly fast, and now I'm boosted a tool.
Thank you for joining us again. We couldn't have done
(50:34):
it without you. Thank you. Would you like us to
guide the listeners to find you? Socials are sorry whenever
you're done, I'm done talking now. Thank you. Thanks for
having me. It's always fun and my socials are all
a tool time A T U L T I am.
You can find me on anything, and uh yeah, that's it.
(50:57):
I'm just so happy to be here a tool. Don't
you have uh sketches coming back for you? Right? Yeah,
We're gonna be actually at San Francisco Sketch Fest the
week following Alchemy This Alchemy This is gonna be there
on the uh second of fifty two Sundays in and
we're gonna be there the following Friday night. So if
(51:19):
you're in San Francisco in the Bay Area, Uh, come
on out all right, and Joey, thank you for joining us.
For usually you brought lock greatness. Oh gosh, where can
people find you? And what what are you doing out there? Well,
you can find me here. You can also find me
on the alchemy this reddit page, check out pop on there,
(51:41):
check out alchemy this is Instagram. Might be doing some
stuff there as well. What am I doing? You want?
Know what's going on? What are you not? I got
my booster, so you know, taking appropriate cautions as they are,
but you know what you're feeling, You're like, Yeah, if
I'm feeling protected, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling and uh,
(52:02):
does somebody have the ability to tell us real quick
what the day of the Sketch Fest Alchemy this show
is because I'm trying to figure it out and I
can't get January ninth, January nine, so I believe it's
at one pm and go to s F sketch Fest
dot com for tickets specific time. Well, let's thank our
(52:22):
our engineer and producer to the stars, Mr Doug Babe,
and the fine folks at I Heart Media. I'm your host,
James Heeney, and thank you for listening and until next time,
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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