December 2, 2021 • 67 mins
Dating Apps first dates...
Y2K NYE at the Whitehouse...
Y2K NYE in the Hollywood Hills.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to Alchemy. Here's your host, Kevin Poll. Yes,
that Kevin Po That, dear friends, lovers and listeners. Over
the years, I've been crazy and lucky to see my
fair share of alchemy. Not too long ago, while having
my undercarriage repainted, the idea and what if I brought
together the right creative to people who ask them to
make sure that based on my own twisted, freak flag
(00:24):
ving ideas, then offer a podcast of a seemingly magical process,
and I'd call it Alchemy. Please, for the love of Mike,
stop blowing smoke up my skirt. Well, after a bit
of title tankering, I'm so very proud to welcome you,
dear friends, to another episode of Alchemy. This let's meet
our group of Alchemists, shall we? In no particular order
(00:44):
to say hello everybody? To Vanessa rag On Venetia, what's
the worst thing about sitting so close to Joey Greer?
I guess the energy. Yeah, that's correct, It's very intense. Yeah, yeah,
it's too much. I'm gonna say lock Peper Daughters, Chris
Alvarado's in the Who's why, Hey, I'm if they're selling
(01:09):
that's one of your old daughters, I should have clarified
block up your college going smart? What Christmas wish did
you make that still might come true? Um? Getting some
of Joey Grel's energy. Yeah, come on, people, We've got
Craig Kikowski here, Craig. Why can't we all just get along?
(01:31):
Because I'm sitting next to Joey Greer last, but all
flatten your times If you think I'm Lee, it's Joey Beer. Hey, Joe, Joe,
tell our listeners something about you that they couldn't possibly know.
Inside is so quiet, Yes, no one knew that. That's
for damn sure. That was co joining us. Tardy will
(01:54):
be sweet baby, James heeney, James, can I call it
Captain Poopy? Okay, let's degree our first scene. Very excited folks.
The scenes to they're coming from your listener mail that's
right right to us at your name here at alchemy
(02:14):
this dot com. Your name here at alchemy this dot com,
and give us some suggestions like this first one that
comes from Mary Grace Russo, who writes Loving the Podcast
Listen as as soon as they come out a concept
to maybe try the first date. I was thinking of tender,
but simplifying would be a first date. Well, thank you,
(02:35):
Mary Grace. So let's do. I'm gonna open it up
a little and say, let's do a series of first
dates that were simply set up from any one of
the various dating apps. Oh wow, this is great, thank you.
Um so, I I know from the app that you're
(02:58):
you love astrology, that fantastic stars. Yeah, yes, I am
going to be very balanced. I am. I'm a Libra
on a Burger rising and they're interesting. Yes, yeah, my too. Uh,
I have very I have several different scholar shamans that
I work with. Each one has different levels and tears
(03:19):
of understanding to the psyche and as well as to
the stars spaces. So I'm like going a man's plain
astrology to you. Please please do, please do. That's too
much of me, too much of me, too much of me. Uh.
On your profile says you work with cars m the
Pixar film. Oh, oh my god, oh my god, re
(03:42):
editing it ever since it came out. Oh my god,
trying to get it right and tear. Are your drinks
Colada and one virgin Pani Colada? Thank you? I asked
for no Marichino cherries. Sir, can you come back please?
I heard him. I us for no Maraschino cherries. Okay,
(04:03):
just because I order a virgin drink? Am I a child? Sir?
Come back please right here? Okay, I'll take it away.
What was that keep your college aged daughters away from him?
Am I right? Oh? Did I? Or did I not? Say? No? Maschin?
You you said I don't recall at all? Well, I
thought it, and I sent that feeling to the floor manager.
(04:27):
There's been a problem. Yeah, you need to manage your floor.
I'm trying, My god, I'm trying. Can you get this
out of my drink? Please? Do you mind if I
use my fingers? Not at all? There's a stem? Please?
Can you just fix this? Please? Here you go? Shall
I tie it in a knot? Shall I tie it
in a bow? Do you hear saying? Well, thank you
(04:48):
so much. And these are on the house. Thank you,
thank you very much. You're very welcome. She was very nice.
She was so much different energy than the other guy. Well,
she's a Gemini. Yeah, you can just tell that. I can.
Oh my gosh, it's amazing, something about the two faced quality. Yes, yes,
exactly exactly. Janice the Greek god, the Roman god. Why
(05:10):
the gods? Janice? Yes, the two faced anyway, So you know,
I cars. I love the franchise. I love everything about that.
So you were working from the ground up or I'm
trying to eliminate the character of Lightning McQueen, okay, alright,
to give some of the supporting characters a little more
of a platform. Totally. So, I totally at that. I
(05:30):
always feel that so often in movies, where like the
lead to get so much of the focus, yes, and
that the rest of the performers don't get the same
focus as the lead. Yes, that's aware of the people.
It's just like, why would there be cars exactly? There
was obviously in them some kind of post apocalyptic scenario
where the cars became sentient part of me. I just
wanted to apologize for the mistake earlier. And oh you're
(05:53):
still working here? Well, yes, bad of my own money.
I've actually purchased this appatter platter for you guys us
so you can is our alcohol that No, as you
can see here, it's mozzarella six fingers and well, I
want half of that field with alcohol and the other
half virgin. He's an alcoholic. I am a teetotal. Just
(06:17):
you just say you're going to handle it. Just say
you're going to handle it. I'm having a hard I
feel anxious. Go to the back room. Go hit yourself
with a broom. We will feel half of that. Oh,
with a booze and have that just with me, or
an arrow. Maybe come back all the time. We will.
(06:38):
You're getting your floor and shape. She's so nice. I'm
so happy I met somebody on blunk. Thank you me too,
Like I've been on blunk for a while. Oh my gosh,
me too. How many moons? I can't even count so
many moons, you know, not enough stars? Wow? Wow, But
when you feel that light, when you see that life
(07:00):
for the first time, you know, oh, maybe it's not
a star, Maybe it's a son. I think there's alcohol
in the strength what somebody put alcohol? Spit in my mouth.
I'm looking for a life, frankly, I'm looking for somebody
to spend the rest of my life with. Wow. Yeah,
(07:21):
I'm looking for fun and sport, okay, and someone who
likes novels. Um. I haven't read a book in a
very long time. I listened to a lot of stuff
on tape. We still call it. It's not tape. I
listened to a book in I listened to books and
(07:43):
digital I listened to digital books, audio books. Well, this
is a nice bar. It's a nice bar, really fun idea. Yeah,
you look great in a park of by the way,
you so what do you say? We do this? We
(08:05):
rock and roll you and me? We we we we
we we take over the world. Huh, forever take over
the world. Look, I made a lot of mistakes in
my past, have I You're human? I'm human? Look at that.
I love you. Know. This is the first time someone's
(08:25):
wanted to commit in a while. So that's a good thing.
I'm all commit, but you're this is you know, a
wife is I just need a little time, just a
little maybe by the end of the drinks, maybe maybe
you know what I mean? I could listen. What do
you what do you need? I'm hoping, you know, my
(08:47):
boss will notice, not the work I'm doing. And your boss.
You got a boss. I'm good at talking to bosses,
A really good at talking to bosses. I I think
my work speaks for itself, but if doesn't, I can
speak for your work. How are those drinks, folks? Are
they cold enough for you? Very cold? Very very cold. Yes,
(09:08):
this is a nice bar and coldest bar in town
and coldest drinks in tow Yeah. I see those signs everywhere.
It feels like that's we know that because we're sitting
on ice blocks. Yeah, we've really got our brand out there. Yeah. Yeah,
we're doing great. Do you have anything, sweetheart? Could is
there any heat lamp? Sort of a situation, you know
(09:32):
you might melt all this eyes because you are so high. Hey, hey, hey,
what dude? What back it up? If I backed it
up further, i'd be in the cooler. Don't give me
a fucking joke. Okay, I'm trying to set this. I'm
trying to lock this. I'm trying to shut up. I'm
trying to lock this in forever. Help help? Are you
(09:57):
asking me for help? Now? Asking you for help? Do
you want to be here? Yes? Yes, she wants to
heat lamp. Okay, I'll see what I can do. You
know how I've said I'm quirky. Yeah, I guess Okay, okay, okay,
(10:18):
that you cheat. You looks like a little bird left
on the branch Martini, My lady, I'm sorry. Do you
know each other? We just met? Holy shit, ladies, first,
the only side to put ladies first balls on you.
(10:40):
Oh you can see it from that far away. Cheers.
That's my seat, sir, Now you're sitting there. Okay, I'll
stand for a second. Dude, this is this is impressive. Frankly,
I'm impressed. What's your name? I don't give it out
to men. I on't give it out to window. Oh,
(11:02):
I'll tell you my name. I'm yeah, I'd love to
your names. Jimmy so aggy, this is you and I
know more, Mike, I gotta go to the bathroom. Some
people right back, she wouldn't. Okay, I can hear everything
(11:25):
you're saying. You know that, right. You don't like me.
You think I'm a fucking ugly piece of ship. It's
not good for you. Who's not worthy of being with
you for the rest of your life. Mike, I didn't
say any of that. Okay, Well, don't have a heat lamp.
But I was able to find a hair dryer if
you run it long enough, I still need help. Thank you.
(11:51):
Oh okay, okay, I'm coming back. Why it wasn't you.
It's not the way you look. You look great. It's
the way you were threatening me. The threat I was
threatening you with secured with protection the thing, honestly, and
you think, Jimmy, I'm a drink melted. I didn't know
(12:13):
the cup was made of Well maybe Jimmy can get
you one. Everything's made of ice. Way are an ice bar.
I'm sorry I didn't read carefully enough. I was so
scared of my dream. You signed the disclaimer when you
walk down. Didn't read that either. What the funk is this? Mike? Mike?
(12:34):
Is it? Yeah? Yeah, Hi, I can on the ledger here.
You wanted to come in and talk about Aggie's position
here at the company. She was having a problem apparently,
and you were sent in. I'm confused. What's confusing about that?
That you don't work here? Oh I see, I see.
So you think, oh yeah, she works here and will
(12:56):
continue to work. Well, she's doing a great job in
my opinion, and you based that opinion on my own standards. Sure, yeah, okay,
well we have our standards to see. You're you think
you're being a cute guy. And this is funny to me.
You think you're really cute. You warry bow tie and
you wearry glasses. I don't dress myself, so that's I
don't have a high opinion of it. Okay, well let
(13:16):
me tell you it's terrible. Okay, yea. And furthermore, well, uh,
frankly the fit is off, so more boxy. Listen. I'm
not here to talk about how poorly you dress. I'm
here to tell you Aggie needs a promotion a SAP.
She does great work and needs to be reminded of
that daily. I'm sure you're right. Uh, having just come in,
(13:38):
what what sort of promotion are we talking about? The highest?
What do you do? I'm ahead of HR, a head
of higher than that higher? Yeah, okay, so like a
senior vice president. That sounds good, right, that sounds good.
All right, Well let me put this down man, Aggie.
Let me take my shirt off really quick, and you
can see what you're dealing with here, that you're nursing
(14:00):
a baby. That's right here. I did not see that.
You didn't see. I got a lot more. Maybe put
your nipple back in the baby. Maybe you know what
I mean? All right, fine, Actually that's smart. Yeah, back
on there, because I don't see hers animals, I have
to ask, is that in fact your baby? No? Okay,
(14:20):
you can tell him a crazy man, right, Yeah, you're
gonna get what you want. That's what I'm saying. You're
a smart guy. You're a bad dresser, smart guy. Tell
your friend Aggie, she's a senior vice president. What's your name?
I didn't get your name, Tim, Tim, Thanks man, your
bad Yeah that's my n So. Yeah, I mean, it's
just been like crazy. I've been sitting over by the
(14:43):
park bench like every single day and and it's just
always like the same animals come by, and I'm like,
is that is that a meat thing? Is it just
because of the marsh that's right next to the animals?
Are the same exact animals? Um species? Same individuals? Oh wow? Um,
no individuals. I'd have to say, out of ten, out
(15:05):
of ten, it's the same, the same guys. And man,
here's your baby, Aggie. Sir movie Aggie. I know you
said you didn't want to see me ever again. But
but but but but but but I got you promotion
at your job. I'm saying, I said, move. Oh yeah, sorry,
(15:27):
there's a squirrel running around your feet. By the way,
that's a good friend of mine. Okay, Aggie, what do
you say, am I in my back? I'm giving that
baby back. Look at this, Look at this. Look at this.
I'm so sorry. Don't apologie. Look at what this baby represents. Yes,
that's right, that's right, and me doing whatever he needs
(15:49):
I need to do to take care of you. Here's
your baby back, man. Thank you. Well, um, thank you.
I guess we're dating. Um. Yes, see tomorrow, I'll go
to work. Yes, go to work now. Baby. Stop hanging
out of the parks on work days too. That's a
(16:10):
weird thing. It was where I just like to have breakfast.
Thanks across. Okay, this is my new friend. He's name
is trash can Y. It's my birth names Greek. You
have your your eyebrows tattooed on, man, Yeah, oh that's
(16:32):
why they're so beautiful. Thank you. It's just easier, all right.
Just for the record, ever be here at this park.
I just want to say I did it. I went
on I went on Spear dating app dot com. I
found somebody. It was actually I was also on Spear.
(16:53):
I want to be honest with you, baby, It's okay.
I was playing the field too. Okay, alright, but now
look I did it. It's official, man, me that baby,
and it's Fear dating app dot com. But it's Fear
fear or spear fear Fear. It's an app called fear.
(17:13):
All right, let's get to our second letter. It was beautiful.
Oh man, dub Babe wants us to take a little
break so we can bring James into the proceedings. We'll
be right back after this. Name is Poopy Bud. Welcome buddy.
(17:35):
We didn't introduce you know what? We got word than you?
Did you do my voice? I did? Everyone kind of
did your voice. Everybody's oh yeah, talk a little so
we can test your one two three, You get the
(17:55):
big thumbs up. Check the your phones to make sure
that they are to your like and they aren't. We're
ready to roll back in what all right? Welcome into
the uh nutty nuthouse? Mr James Heney James, Can I
call you a dr Poopy? I mean it's better than
(18:16):
the alternative? Okay, good, shitty, it's shitty. You have to
tea your professional to catch you up to speed. We're
doing scenes based on listener mail. Oh thank god, that's
all I've been wanting. I've been hoping and waiting for
this moment. Yeah, it's pretty exciting. This one comes in.
(18:37):
Can you pronounce that name? It's Aaron Arbishop Bolt. No,
he cannot started so well, the beginning of it's really easy.
It just ends with Bolt. Maybe there's a hyphen you
don't know and Oarstrom Bolt uh simply suggested in his
(19:03):
submissive New Year's Eve nine. Okay, so you think America
is going to hell in a handbasket today? Well remember
when we thought the world would stop at midnight because
we did first stop New Year's Eve. Well, let's in
fact stop by Pennsylvania Avenue. Back when Bill Clinton was
(19:24):
President Al Gore's VP. It's New Year's Eve in the
White House. Do you have eyes on an potus? I
thought you were just going to stop there. I do
sorry to interrupt you. Guys. We're just taking this pastry
tray in. What you got there? These cheese puffs? Yeah,
(19:48):
I don't think it's appropriate for either to be eating
cheese puffs that are going into the Oval office. Well
maybe we should actually, yeah, exactly, Actually that's a good
You know, in olden days there was a position in
castles of a taste. You're just so the king wouldn't
get poisoned, right, But this is America, for nod bless it?
For now? What is your name, Oh, Viga, Viga, Nick,
(20:09):
why don't you eat one of those cheese balls? Okay,
cheese balls would be heavy cheese balls. You've gotten the
cheeseball on Christmas before. I mean, I don't want to split. Yeah, okay,
you're right. How cheeseballs are heavier and they're covered with almonds.
But that puff is shaped like a ball. Yeah, but
it's puffy looks. I have to get out on the floor, guys,
(20:32):
last call for cheese pots. The world explodes, just get yeah, Viga,
how with the holidays of you're playing dark dark lights?
Were not? Oh no, just a lot of death in
the family here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dropping like flyes. These
are good. I have weak jeans. Really people dropping, Man,
that's really good. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
(20:53):
no no no, let me no cheese. This is a
this is better. Take those out, okay, Nick, what we
don't even know if you're okay now or not? I
don't know. First I feel fine. You just get these
into the Oval office, please, gentlemen, How bad is it bad? Sir? Bad?
It's all gonna reset to zero. Okay, but everyone's plenty
(21:16):
are going to fall out of the sky here that
we need to do something. Now, sir, you have two
options in front of you. Option one Yes. Was that
a question or were you? I just want to make yes.
You're the real deep state president that we yes, that
we pay attention to. We've got that other president out
there for the public. You're the real president. It's just checking. Okay,
(21:38):
So what are my options? We have option one and
option to Option one cut off the power to the
entire world. Let's do that. Do you want to hear
the other option? Hey, fellows, I think I should be
able to weigh in on this. I gotta present it
to the people ultimately, whatever it is you decide. So
I feel like maybe I have a say. We were
saying everything's gonna be fine. Didn't we lock this door? Oh?
(22:00):
I got chick out front? But you heard me, Everything's
gonna be fine. Well that's what I'm telling people. We're
all gonna be hunting door. Keep playing the music. Yeah right.
The food? Also, Mr President, we ordered a meat Lovers
Supreme so oh excellent, excellent because I dragged an extra
a couple of feet today, so this would be good,
well deserved. All right, I gotta go have a debate
(22:20):
with al about peanut butter. Keep it up the good
word in here, okay, alright, alright, a debate about peanut
get back to the sorry, yesir, yes, yes, sir. You
have two options. The first one cut off power to
the entire world. The second hold on. But the second one,
the second one, it's a little more tricky. Okay, you're
not talking about Hey, fellas like interrupt you. What if
(22:46):
I just tell people's eight we go the other way? No,
you wanted to. You had a lot of scandals that yeah,
President Rhodes Scholar. What the al right? Option one? Option
one cut off our to the entire world. Let's do
it now, hold on, hold on. If you're about to
say what I think you're about to say, you madman,
(23:08):
don't take that off the table right now? Do you
want to take that off the table? We got the
whole world watching us right now? What we do right now? Hello?
What the yes? Okay, we'd like to see you eat one?
Oh me, yeah, I don't do. But I'm one of
(23:30):
the first. This is a lot of energy coming right
at me. Guys, it's the Oval Office. Okay, down that
hatch hatch means mouth, nick? Are you okay? Nick? I
(23:52):
don't feel good. Man, you're falling asleep. I don't I
don't know what's happening. It's from the waist down. Oh Jesus,
we'll sit down for a second. Okay, do you have
any medication you'll be taking? No, I just take a
propitia and lipertor okay, well that shouldn't have any problems, right,
(24:13):
those are fine. I'm not exactly certain the sign effects.
But you're turning green green jerious? Do you ever reflect? Well,
it's more of a grayish. You're just it's not green,
it's greenish. Great, it's like a speaking of what have
you seen the alien in the basement? What? Yeah? Okay,
well those look tasty. So what do you say them around? Okay?
(24:33):
All right, hello, you like them? Mrs Clinton. We are
in the middle of something right now. So if you could,
I'll see myself out down the latch hatch. Oh so
where were we? You goddamn man? If you think yes,
(24:54):
what would have a big sign up for? The White
House said gone fishing? What you know? It's an old
country saying okay, how do we think of the idea
for what I mean? People would laugh in the evntion
They go I guess they went fishing. I like that.
(25:15):
It's funny. Instead of worrying about what whether the you know,
the the end king, we would actually just leave. There
would be no one in the wild. I don't know
what we can do the okay, we have two two options.
First one cut power to the entire world. We've got
hold on, hold on, sir. We also have another option,
(25:36):
option too. He's looking at you like he doesn't want
to talk abo option too, which means I need to
hear it right now. Option two is primal. I'm listening.
Option two says that we lock ourselves in this room
and the last one to come out. And how does
(26:01):
that fix the white two cave? Oh? I don't know. Oh,
I don't know. We're turning gray. By the way, what
I do you went to weigh in on this? Click
club dog? Her english is getting better, her english, I
(26:23):
think so. I don't think they have genders where she
comes from. But I did it again. She should be
in the basement. Don't say she We don't know that.
We don't you be in the basement? Alright, alright, alright, alright,
So option one to what do you want to do?
Oh gosh, maybe you guys, step the lower part of
(26:45):
my body, Mr President, I didn't need Okay, clip club?
What's her clip clop? Clip clop? I've been saying, plea cluck,
click cluck. It's embarrassing. I file those that's may I'll go.
Or have you seen clip clock? Apparently she got out
of the base month. I thought, what are you doing
(27:09):
an impersonation? Click cluck is not in here now? Sorry?
Click clum clock click clump clup clumb is not here?
So how's it going with two k's Joyce great? We
have a couple of options. I'd love to hear them
(27:30):
happy new Yeah, okay. Number one it's cut off power
of the entire world, which you'd be cool with of course. Yeah.
And I think we're gonna go with supporting to show
that level of strength and power when dealing with the
other countries. I'd love to hear an what kind of
lockerselves in here? And then are you okay? I think
so much? The lower part of my bodies it's Phil
(27:53):
easy enough, Phil McKay with a Bill, uh, fill with
a Bill, Fill with a Bill. I understand Phil of
Bill Phil, Bill, you don't look way. I love my
gonna line, thank you, sir, Thank you so again. First
option powers off to the world. Option too, we lock
ourselves to the death. I can't understand Option two is
(28:14):
we lock ourselves in here. How does that affect the
rest of the world. Well, I guess, and now as
as good as time is any to tell you we
actually run things around here. Well, I understand that. That's
we're fun with it. That was job as pr Apparently
I just need to know what the story is because
Bill is confused. Can you go have a quick conversation
(28:36):
with Bill? Just you two love. We have to finish
the debate about peanut butter. I'd love to hear. I
would love to hear you. Can I get a quick
poll I'd love to hear from tlip talk too. Alright on,
So creamier or chunky Chunky from Clip Chunk Chunky from
Don Phil Bill, Creamy Creamy, thanks Edgar Chunky for me monkey.
(29:00):
So that's three junkies. Alright, Well, that's good to know. Alright,
keep up a good word, we'll keep it. I'm going
out there, all right, Well, thank you. So just follow
me down the hallway over here, and you're going to
see on the left hand side, this is where the
Presidential movie theater is Now, this is something very rare. Trely,
(29:21):
we're gonna be able to We're going to have all
the screenings of all the different New Year's Balls drops
going on here when it happens. Yes, they're well, so
now just following me down the hallway, please don't touch
the president. Taft got stuck in. That's just a rumor,
one of those presidents that died having sex with a horse.
(29:42):
Where do they keep the aliens? Okay, well all these
are just rumors now, Okay, that and we don't keep
those No, no, no, the aliens are real. I'm sorry.
I saw aliens on the news and they are here.
Oh my god, you had seen aliens. Well it wasn't
on the traditional news, but it was an news source.
All right, we're going to die here to not? Yeah, right,
(30:05):
come on, I don't say something like that. If you
have some kind of special power to feel the premonitions
like that, do you do you feel that? I just
heard it. All. Everybody's buying water. If you say someone's
gonna die in the White House, you know that's a
federal offense. Right, Oh my god, I didn't. So let's
just get some gar me I was told I could
bowl a couple of frames in the bowling alley. All right, yeah,
(30:25):
these are just rumors. There's no bowling alleys. There is
a bowling alley, boy, it's right there. But let' I'll
just go down. Let's just come down the slide. Let's
got to group with. I'm gonna y'all such at what's happened.
(30:48):
I took all these I want to cat tail. You'll
left me. Well, someone hold me while let that can
go next, follow the door sheet. Give me the map.
Where's that butler who's worked for all the president? It's
a rumor. Give me the map. I'm gonna show you
(31:10):
where to go. Off to another New Year's party, this
one in the high Hollywood Hills. We're a very prominent producers,
throwing quite the lavish party. We'll hear from the guests,
the host, and the caterers. Party, noise, party, alcohol using, man,
(31:46):
you know, just a bullshit, you know what I mean.
I'm trying to get this fucking role man, and it's
just like it's all coming at me in a way
that's just like black Gary. You have a call. Yeah,
I got a cool It's called a cocaine Okay, can
I guess? So of course you can get into my pocket.
You gotta get it from my pocket book, alright, So
it's just like crazy. You don't say anyone know if
(32:08):
there's any birds in here? Who? Oh my birds? Yes,
there any birds in here? Definitely Trillo, Stephanie Trillo, Stefanie
who should I saw you? Oh my god, I love
I loved you? And dinosaurs react fun project, A lot
of fun. I was set. The dinosaurs were almost real.
(32:32):
We all got scared at one time or another. There
was a lot of improv. Yeah you're shanging one off book.
I went off book and stephanely trailer and I have
a better books didn't want to get off. What do
you think is gonna happen at midnight? When a stroke
at midnight? Where I have any an tools? A witch
(32:56):
and she told me if I about the head off
a bird, So I'm ring for a bird. That's what
the head of the bird is for. That's right. The blood.
I don't know what makes she get through it, but
it's going to be a chosen few. They live exactly.
The rest will fade into the desk. Everything I'm seen
on news just says the computers are gonna go whacky.
(33:16):
But listen to the news, baby. Mr Sapiro, Yes, I
know you're just a caterer, but like I know that
you also like cater to like all the stars, of
course I do. That's why I have parties. I was
just wondering if maybe I could pitch you my movie idea.
I mean, right now, I'm playing the rule of cater
I know it's so and my boss. Okay, okay, okay, okay,
(33:39):
let me put this down. Then go ahead. I'll give
you the elevator. Elevator excuse me, okay, never mind, just
coming back when you're ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I
live in my car. What did you say elevator? Alright, fine, fine, yeah,
you said it wrong, unless it was Mr Shapiro. We
need a few more stuff, mushrooms. Hey, can I give
(34:00):
you a quick elevator pitch? Yes? Bigfoot family? So kid bigfoots,
adult bigfoots, women bigfoots. That's my pitch, Bigfoot family. OK.
Let's buying or not? Yes, I'm buying. You think I'm
an idiot? Okay, you could call it the big feet.
I'm just one. Did you give any whole birds in here?
(34:21):
Are you cooking any whole birds in the kitchen? We
have we have life birds. Oh goodness, this is great.
May have one, absolutely, but partment um. I don't want
to embarrass you or blow up your spot as they say.
But you said elevator pitch in there, like, are you
selling a movie about elevators? You don't, you don't know
(34:41):
the term. It's an industry term. Yeah, it's called an
elevator pitch. Why would it be called an elevator? Little
hot dogs up? Like I get get these little hot
dogs out there. Okay, Frank is supposed to be in blankets.
I just see the little bigs, a little blanket and
just hot dogs. Nobody's gonna eat hot dogs and a
(35:02):
big people love dogs. We gotta put blankets on them.
Then you put the blankets on them and make the dog.
I'm gonna come back in a couple of minutes. Better
be blankets on me or pigs. Oh good? Yeah? Where
is he? That's a big bigger than what is that?
(35:24):
That's a big bird cuts a black bird? Oh I
was hoping first. He's a scary. What is it? Thank you?
Thank you so much, a little guy. Mr Shapiro, gonna
talk to you for a second please, of course, of course. Well,
I just want to say again thank you for hiring
us and having this work here. But there has been
(35:46):
a slight decline in your output for the night. Oh well,
the truth this is I've been getting a lot of
pitches and honestly, I'm I don't care. You're working right now, okay,
Mr Shapiro. So you're gonna have to hit certain tables
and a certain quote to you. Understand. I thought that
it was just, you know, uh, kind of breaking the mold,
just working as a cater at my own party. I
(36:07):
can't get some slack at my own house. No, sir,
if you if you're if you're working with Golden Table,
you're working with the best. I mean, that's why I
hire you, guys, but that's why you're working with us.
So do me a favor. I want you to pretend
you're on the clock. Okay, Well, this is the first
year you've been managing this. I don't know if you
know how it usually works. Yeah, usually it works is
(36:29):
anyone can do whatever the hell they wanted your parties
and we lose money. Oh not anymore, Mr Shapiro. Okay, Okay,
thank you, d Look. Look, I know you think I
sound crazy, but just listen, Okay. I think in the
future it's gonna be more like technical, man. I think
that like we're going to break open the fucking landscape
of what it means to be creative. I think you
(36:52):
can people are gonna make movies on their fucking phones.
You are fucking telephone at home and a little in
the hallway. I'm gonna make movies with that. I think
I'm just high man, mare, just sucking. Hi. I heard
my son the other day. He's four. He said digital.
I don't even know what he's talking, Tom talking about
his fingers. Alright. I just feel like we can We're
(37:13):
gonna put be in a place where you can make
your You could be a celebrity on your own. Man,
what Stuart but famous for? What? Like? You know, how
like war All said fifteen minutes of fam I think
it's gonna be like six seconds of fame. Hi, man,
I don't know I have, but she's having you know what?
Oh yeah, these pigs without blankets are incredible. See I
(37:35):
thought they were surprising too, really good. I mean it's
a hot dog, really right, I don't know, it's a
pig without a blanket. Alright, a blanket list pig blank list.
I call it a could pick who wants to cocaine
on Ara? I love this body. It's not bad, right,
(37:58):
it's the opposite of bad. It's and I thought I
was the gay throwing the body was also the kid
where that seems but he's crazy? Yeah? Have you talked
to him? No? I already wasn't eating the bottom line?
Oh well, I think he's a pretty cool boss, is
all I know, Mr Shapiro Man. I mean he's a
high big time producer and a caterer, like like the
(38:20):
heatering ideas, like kind of like outdat. I feel like
there's gonna be a time where you can like use
your phone to like have meals. You can do that,
you can call the company. Yeah, it's gonna be like that,
but with like more actors and improvisers bringing it to you.
Improvisers an improviser? What are you talking about? It's like,
(38:40):
what's an improviser? I'd like to make a quick announcement, everybody,
My Nieces blackbird is missing from the cage upstairs. It
is not supposed to be an outdoor blackbird. Does anybody
know what happened to the bird? And where can we
get more of these little meatballs. I'm gonna be bringing
(39:02):
them in just a moment. But it's an emergency that blackbird.
Birds were like talking, but we were the voice of
the burden. We're like going like tweet tweet tweet tweet
and like send me messages to each other. Okay, I
could have sworn I heard something there. Oh it's my idea. Yeah,
(39:24):
I don't know. Man, it's like a digital platform. Alright, alright,
we'll keep an eye out for a blackbird. I'm gonna
bring out the meatballs. Oh my, this ponty is fantastic. No, dear, hello, hello, hello, hello,
excuse me. You're very famish and English actor, aren't you
a very famoush English? Yeah? I can't place you, but
(39:47):
but I know i've seen you in something or you're
you're incredible so much. If you can think of what
it is, i'd be fantastic. Commercial pepper farms, the guy
in the cloak I was, Yeah, see if you remember me,
those cookies for sale, Your cookies for sale? God? Yeah,
(40:09):
it came from like Shakespeare and ship right originally right right, right?
So what was your favorite Shakespeare player? You ever did,
because I've only seen one Corey Anus or something like that. No, no, no, no,
probably um probably the fear right Corey is a gay
port Say again, Corey Anus, I work in gay porn.
(40:32):
Oh that's oh yes, oh my god. Yes I've seen you,
my friend. Oh yeah, oh my gosh. Yeah, I know
the deep gus my friend, so to speak. I know
the animals of that. Yes, my friend, I have masturbated
so much of your Hello, how to do? How to do? Yes,
(40:58):
it's really me in the flair. Defit me. You've seen
my boobs and now you're going to meet my bird. Question,
is anyone comfortable killing a bird? Step? Oh my god,
he's a cookie man, not don a cookie man. I
(41:18):
have in my coat black. It was like the Tower
of London. Yes, give me. It's an omen where he's
just like me to breathe it. Well, I need this
for someone. I thought I could do it myself, but
I don't want to watch the live dream attitude I got. Well,
(41:41):
I don't want to be ald. I don't want to
be alone. Let's take the elevator to the room. Sorry,
on my computer is dead. It's just that. No, the
lights everyone everyone in the bathroom just turned to ash alive.
(42:04):
I didn't enough one of us is getting into this
room alive and one of us isn't at the time. Candles.
You got candles, of course, I got candles. Candles. This
bird's help. I've been him the future. You could be
like Alexa. Turn on the lights. Who has Alexa? Hey
(42:27):
we can still do drugs and stuff right by. Candles
will be great. These are birthday candles. Man. They're not
gonna help with drugs. They're gonna get wax sol over.
I understand, like like fourteen of them, guys, I got
this this hand radio. There seems to be some emergency
broadcast plane. The message from the President of the United
(42:48):
States clip clop the real president. What option, Joe? It
was another option? I was option one, but even a
dead about it? When may I to each other? Pays
(43:12):
maintaining roads, taxes, pay taxes? It wants to pay taxes.
What that's a lot like my elevator pitch? Elevator? Yeah?
What the hell is an elevator pitch? Can we hear
the elevator picturel ready? Thank you? All right, I've got
a second. What's the bat mr? Here's what I was
(43:37):
thinking the world's come into an end. I see that
all around me. Um, and who we think is in charge,
it's not actually in charge. I just charged them. Oh
that's what we don't We don't really know what if
it's an alien, that's what I was kind of thinking, right,
like an alien. Well, the voice in the radio sounded
very alien, like, what's reminding me of my elevator? Pitch?
(43:58):
Mr Spirow Else Kevin Spacey said, yes, Bill, that's great news.
That great news. It's a great story. But I gotta
go hug Kevin space bad idea. The TV is coming
back on, and so are the radios and all the lights.
We did it, the world didn't. Then that's crazy. Look
(44:20):
at that Holy shit, living the illusion Live and the
illusion llusion. Now, how exactly are we going to make
them big? That the whole world's gonna shut down? It's
because at the end of the of the decade, it's
very easy. You just kind of put it out there.
(44:41):
You just floated just Florida. These people. That's very, very stupid.
That's impresent. Yeah, take me through the two options. The
first one is something about like I'm plugging stuff. Then
the second one is they are very parbaric flight for power.
I like the option to push for two, I'll push
the the dog. I'm already rupt. I just want to
(45:06):
bring you, guys all these softballs. What am I doing here?
I've got a doublet of question for you. Leave me
alone there, stop touching. You're looking at me comfortable. No,
this one's looking at my but not looking young. That's
a greeting. Yeah, okay, we got a couple. We learned
(45:27):
about earth behavior by watching your films. Yeah, Cory gans
deep guts. What I was just I was in bed
with my wife. The next thing I knew the movie
Wrigge Jane By. I've never seen it. Give me another movie.
This is a fun game. I'll tell you. Why were
they saved by the bell? Yeah? Were they saved by
(45:49):
the bell? What were they doing from themselves? When I
go back? Can I go back home? I got about?
Is they get easy? Ah? Were you going to sleep with?
I want you to dream of mm hmm not a
regular bait um? I guess flying. You can't have to look.
(46:11):
This thing's tone is still in my butt that I
just saying that out. Why did you saiding? Not hello?
I was like hello? Okay, so we Good's Charles Still
and Jarge. I don't know, you're all glowing things. Never
(46:34):
stopped with the boss, Bill Clinton, President Bill Clinton taking
tongue out of my foot. Hello, baby, baby, wake up
what I'm having a horrible dream. You've got to go.
(47:07):
We called last call already, we got we gotta gob
lots of people fall asleep in hair because its verticle.
Can you maybe take the hair dry away please? Mark? Okay, okay, babe, alright, okay,
(47:30):
you're ready to go. I'm called again. Let's go home.
Let's go home. Okay, let's just call our home our
home made. Don't need a uber, I don't even need
to press the but just a feeling though. Oh yeah,
I had a feeling that we need to go home.
Yet I need to tell you our address. I know.
(47:52):
I've got another letter from from Justin mcate m E
C A T. E. McKay, Hey chemists, and then in
parentheses my idea for what to name the team, but
feel free to change. Yeah right, pound that chest. Just
(48:14):
wanted to say that I love your show. I recently
binge listened uh to it at work the other day.
They shift really flew by. I'm a full time student.
With a full time, minimum wage job. I always wanted
to attend a live show, but it's so hard to
find the time. So thanks for making this podcast and
giving me a comfortable break from the grind. Please keep
(48:35):
up the great work. I have a few suggestions below
U for some scenes to run through your newest fan,
Justin mccate. Here's the one of his suggestions. And amateur
SWAT team on their first mission with the directing, with
the director coaching them from a van outside. Okay, so,
since the suggestion made the odd choice of using the
(48:57):
word director, I would like to do the real version
in the SWAT team and then the TV production version
wherein said director just isn't getting what he or she
was hoping for in the scene. So first we go
to an actual site where the SWAT team is hard
at work with the director calling shots from a van
out front. Okay, I'm checking gear, power, drap it up
(49:18):
to turn around, get it back front, good pete heo,
lock and load buddy, all right? Feeling good? Yeah? Locking
the load in candy, Yeah, I feel good. No, he
seemed very relaxed. Yeah, alright, cool. We're gonna hit this
as soon as we get the word from the director.
(49:40):
We're gonna, we're gad to go alright, alright, alright, we're
ready for this. And uh, I don't sorry. What's your name? Candy? Now?
Can we get somebody else for Candy problem? He just
doesn't have the energy we're looking for. We're looking for pep,
We're looking for smiles. Candy is the best demo team
member we got. It's just out. It's not what we're
(50:00):
looking for on the big screen. It was long range
shooter and not I mean in Vietnam. He was in Vietnam,
just shooting Vietnam last summer. Okay, well how about this.
Can you give me a smile. I'm gonna need to
trade him out. Smile a smile on the sweat. Yes,
what are we smiling about? Well, we don't want everybody
to think that these people are forced to do this work.
(50:21):
This is their own free will. They're protecting the people
here from Glenda. Please, thank you. I'm Glenda. I'm the
sensitivity supervisor. I'm also working closely with the script boys.
You guys will be reporting to me and the director here. Okay,
let's keep it sensitive, keep it warm. We're saving golden retrievers. Glinda,
(50:43):
can we can we be in agreement that this candy
needs to have a higher energy, be smiley. I don't
like his face. I don't like his face, but I
think you could fix it with a smile. That's right.
Oh god, never mind, keep it down. Don't to upbeat.
Oh do you guys ever? Do you guys ever wear
ski masks? Yeah, maybe we could put one of those
(51:05):
on candy. Yeah, mask him. Yeah, see this fits man,
it's too tape. Yeah, no, it looks great. It's this question.
It works on. It doesn't read. I'm here in video
village and it looks good. It looks cool. One minute
out from location that, one minute out roger that and again,
(51:26):
we're going to free up some golden retrievers. Well, they're
being held hostage by some asshole PETA people, all right,
and they're trying to save these golden retrievers. It's a
little redundant. Yeah, no kidding. So these golden retrievers. You
said it, chief, I'm just saying, just because they're pure
bread doesn't mean they're bad. You see, there's a big
(51:48):
thing going on in the dog community. Adopt, don't shop, true,
but shopping is still Those animals are still alive. Yeah,
they are right. They need home, that's right. Yeah. Oh gosh,
I have completely misread this script. I thought that we
were trying to take out the pain to people that
are trying to let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. Understand,
(52:10):
everybody shoot those dogs. Oh, come out, I'm gonna use
my bowie knight. I got all the dogs in here.
I got all the dogs in this room. All right,
(52:31):
thank you for playing bank the scene. We had a
couple of questions. We tested this with an audience in Burbank,
and uh, I'm just about every car. Do we have
to see dogs? Good shot? I was gonna put it
out there is there any way to cut around the
dogs being shut? Well, it's a reality television, I understand.
(52:53):
But again the people in Burbank were a little offended.
Uh well, I mean there's a lot of things in
reality that I'm offended by, but I can't change it.
I'm not some sort of superhero, I understand. But you
sort of set up the whole thing for the SWAT
team to go in and rescue the dogs, and this
one guy just opened fire with the ski mask on
all the dogs. He was a good shot. Well, he fine,
(53:17):
and I'm wondering if I post we can maybe put
a little smile on his face. I mean, I wish
that we would have done this in the first place.
Can I just ask? Is this confidential here? Yeah? Of course, Okay.
I think it might have been my fault getting those
Golden Retrievers shot. I think I missed. Oh shit, I
(53:39):
I didn't even see you, resident dog lover here. Well
you are, in all fairness, you were the guy on
set that was supposed to make sure that animals weren't harmed. Well, well, Daryl,
I was that we're going to be rescued. I want
to say I was very close to the action. I
(54:01):
was on the front lines, as it were. I was
under the impression the dogs were going to be rescued.
The massacre surprised me as much of a surprise anyone
who has a sensitivity festival us on set. I'm very
the mission was in fact to save the dogs. I mean, yes,
we talked to the guy that did the shooting to
the ski mask. I don't know if it's a good
idea to bring Candy in here, but I do have
(54:22):
him outside the door. Please bring please bring Candy and
I just want to have Well, let me just prep
you guys. This guy is edgy from the shooting of
the dogs. I also want to say that the rest
of the group joined and pretty fast they followed Candy's lead.
So it might have been Candy spall, but everyone was
an animal. That sort of a team later situation though.
(54:43):
All right, let me get the door. You want me
to bring Candy in? No? I love you, Mr Candy,
Mr Candy. They're ready to see you now I gotta go. Okay,
all right, would you follow? You're follow me? I like you.
(55:05):
You got a sullen face while you're so sad all
the time. Sad. Okay, that's your answer. I get that. Yeah.
I carry a lot of demons too. He's gonna be
in here any minute. It's a really long hallway from
the lobby into this room. I'm hiding under the table.
That hallway is the only thing protecting us from his gate.
(55:27):
Mr Candy, welcome. Would can we get anything from water? Coffee? Coffee?
Maybe a coffee? Okay? How do you like that? Black back? Okay,
have a seat. We're out of coffee. Uh, the coffee's
on its way, Candy, Mr Candy, Um, we noticed as
point person. You were first one in and uh, while
we we we have an audience in Burbank that felt
(55:50):
a little taken aback Burbank, California by the shooting of
the dogs. So we'd love to either explain to them why,
which none of us to know, or edit that part out. Okay,
see dogs, who started shooting? What's going on? Um? The director?
This man right here who was in charge of everything,
(56:13):
we know which ones? The director give me my orders?
And that was too he said shoot the dog, he said,
take out the enemy. M I've thought that was why
are the dogs the enemy? Resident dog here? I'm sorry
your promerendians are okay, I'm guessing that what are you called?
They're traumatized. I told them about it. That was it.
(56:35):
You didn't get a plain of footage for him. What's
your name, Darryl, Daryl? It's on my shirt, Candy. I
know I'm gonna explain something to you. What and this
is gonna hurt your feelings. Dogs don't have souls, Candy, Darrel, Candy,
(56:58):
I know that. Sorry, Sorry, fright on her. Uh can
can we get back to shoot the enemy kill the
enemy concept? Because again the report Peter we don't have
any coffee. We get you something other than coffee. So date,
do you'd like a date with her? With her? Yeah,
(57:21):
oh my god'm not here asking for a date. We're
out of dates, sir. I think he's asking you to
go out. Okay, I'm sorry, I'll check this guy. We're
going back like me. Did you have a question for you?
Do you like me? Yes? Yes? All right, Mr Candy.
Uh So, in your mind the orders of the Peter
people being the enemy didn't register. You saw the dogs
(57:45):
which most people see us friendly, loving, full of heart
and soul as the end, full of heart. Yeah, they
got hearts and the dead within second. Uh So where
in your train blasting into that room? What triggered kill
the dogs? No? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we understand
(58:08):
you there a year ago right on the surfing surfing? Right?
How are the waves in the you know, because you
see in the in that couple of movie the character
there love the smell and napalm the morning that guy
he's surfing, right, Charlie, don't surf? These are things I remember.
So all these years later, you're staying the surf is
(58:30):
nice in the Vietnam. What size board you got The
dogs didn't have to die. Let's get back to that.
Here's the thing. The truth is is we got we
got our shots. The dogs did die. If we edit
out the dogs getting killed, what are we left with
(58:52):
seven minutes? Yeah, nothing, We're left with nothing. Well, when
the people don't watch the dogs, do you want me
to kill people? Absolutely? Is that? I mean? In my vision,
no one got killed. Vision. The dogs were being rested
and taken to the children That's why we had the
children's hospital already. We signed all the waivers and then
(59:16):
we had to go and talk to the children's days,
her kids. But the dog, you're dead and I was
covered in blood and we were all crying, Who do
I kill? No one? You think people are more important
than dogs? Are you twisting our words? Look? Does anyone
feel that the first was mistake was hiring an amateur
swat team for a reality TV show, giving them live
(59:39):
weapons and introducing golden Retrievers into the meigs. I gotta
be honest, a lot of reality TV, and I've had
successes in the past. It's storytelling. So yeah, I brought
Peter in that day, and yeah, those were pure bred
laboratory treat for whatever they were they were pure bred.
(01:00:02):
I asked for pure bred dogs because it looks good
on camera. What was the elevator pitch for the show?
I'll tell you honestly, it was just supposed to focus
on the Swat team and there are many antics, but
it seems like it's gonna be Why should they have Christmas?
It was swatting into Christmas and the kids we're gonna get.
We had a song Christmas sting into Christmas, slutting to
(01:00:29):
you guys, have your headphones, there's had put your hands
on your cans on. Here we go, Take three and
one to swat into Christmas. Santies are all pure. Kids
(01:00:50):
want to have fun, fun to Christmas. Cut Cut, We're
never gonna get to the Christmas episodes. What happened? What
do you mean we're talking about? I gotta pay bills here,
I gotta pay bill. I'm sorry, but I had a solo.
The pilot went really bad and it's got it's never
(01:01:13):
going to see the light. It was a tight seven
minutes and everybody loved it. Turns out everybody was offended,
and I guess I don't know. We're reality TV is
headed towards This was my ticket out of gay porn
hired amateurs. Hey, Jason, Hey, it's me Carl over at
Sears dot com. You have a lot of unpaid bills,
(01:01:37):
but you told us you had a job and you're
gonna pay us. This is this is you? Asked the phone.
He said, hello, this is Jason. Hey, listen, what's the
deal man? What's going on? You had a gig and
then he lost the gig. Yes, talk to me. Okay,
your friend, what's your birthday? Okay? Okay, so you're a
(01:02:03):
little money. We all got bills. I'm not Jason. Okay,
what is this character? Jason? Jason? Who's on the phone?
Shut up? Jason? Who's on the phone? Is it for me? No?
Shut up, Jason, a little self respect? But I'm not
it's you, Jason, it's you know. Let me give the
(01:02:24):
phone off to somebody else. Hello, Jason, you have a
lot of bills to pay? Okay, Jason does. Jason has
a lot of bills to pay. All I'm saying is
I'm making a call here to say I can make
that easier for you. How I can chop the what
you owe and half do that done? Am I talking
(01:02:45):
to Jason? Now? Jason only Jason can approve this credit slashing. Yeah,
I approve that. Who am I talking to? You're talking
to Jason? Hey, Bud, Gary Gary, can you hold on
a second as the person can me? One said Jason Garrett. Hello,
I need you to say his name at least uh
(01:03:05):
during the conversation, and also see if you can get
the birthday down to from a month to an actual
day right now we just got Okay, so hello Jason. Yeah,
it's me, but it's not Jason. Okay, listen, Hey, I
want to help you. Man. You're my friend. I'm your friend, dude,
where we're friends. I'm the Silvan Night. Okay, you're I'm
a Silvan Night. I made of silver. Your character work
(01:03:28):
is like not terrific, you know what I mean? I
always know it's you. I am the Silvan Night. Oh man,
See now you're doubting yourself. Here's what I want to
do for you, Bud. I want to get your your
your your payments cut in half. Don't you want that?
You owe so much money. Let's get rid of half
of that. Okay, Okay, just tell me your name again.
I know it. Jason. Yeah, Jason, you and I are
(01:03:48):
both born in August. Yeah, all right, you say the
day all said the day I was born? One to do?
Is that work? Does that work? Okay? Great? All right, okay,
and then just one more, one quick thing, just one
quick thing. Um, I'll say myself a security number, and
you say yours. Okay, okay, and go and go, you
(01:04:11):
go first, Okay. I can only really say my real
one for some reason, and I didn't mind. Jason had
to leave. I don't mind to hear it. Well, then
you can you know what I'm done playing. You can
tell Jason I've actually doubled. Whats why? Because friends, friends
who turned their back. Hey, I'm your friend, I'm Jason.
(01:04:34):
All right, Squad squad. When we get the signal, we're
gonna go in and get this Jason character. Hey, we
can't have any deaths this time. We're gonna have to
break up our team destination. As soon as we get
a thumbs up, we gotta kick in that door. We
gotta take Jason. Jason's got a phone around, there's a
(01:04:56):
landline phone. He's that guy right there there. Call us
the squat squad. I could have sworn he said, squat
squad if I said it was an accident were the
swat squad? Well, hold on, are we squatting her swad?
Because that squat title swat s what are did? So
just hang on the phone, hang on the line with me.
(01:05:17):
Count the ten and I'm going to cut your credit
owing in half and tenne hey, this is fun seven six, five,
four three one. Everybody that brings this episode to a
(01:05:40):
conclusion with dead bodies every which way. Let's say thank
you to our chemists I suggested by your mail right
to us. Of course your name here at Alchemy there's
dot com James Heeney, thank you for having me here today.
I was terrible at chemistry in school, but I hope
I'm doing better. Thanks for joining Vanessa Ragland. What do
(01:06:02):
you got for us? Oh? Go to the calendar of
the com We've got a lot of great stuff coming up,
really do it's so exciting. The Bill Burr Show went amazing.
It was great. We got announcements for cool stuff next year.
Talking to calendar stocked Yes, yes, yes, Joe GERSHF Happy
New Year. Follow me on Instagram at at jeby Greeber.
(01:06:27):
I got shows on their stuff happening. Craig Kikowski at
on Twitter spelled like it sounds. Do you have stuff
happening like Joey? Uh not at that one? Yeah. But
Season six of Drunk History premieres in Condy Central mid January.
Just saw ad for it last night. Very excited for
you guys, Chris Chris Alvarado on Instagram and check out
(01:06:51):
season two. Mrs Maisel, I'm very proud of it. By God,
bless you and your family. Doug Bam in the studio,
Doug Bam, engineer, here to the stars and all the
fine folks at I Heart Radio, and the auspice is
here at the studio until next time again right to
us your name here at alchemy this dot com.
Welcome back to Alchemy. Here's your host, Kevin Poll. Yes,
that Kevin Po That, dear friends, lovers and listeners. Over
the years, I've been crazy and lucky to see my
fair share of alchemy. Not too long ago, while having
my undercarriage repainted, the idea and what if I brought
together the right creative to people who ask them to
make sure that based on my own twisted, freak flag
(00:24):
ving ideas, then offer a podcast of a seemingly magical process,
and I'd call it Alchemy. Please, for the love of Mike,
stop blowing smoke up my skirt. Well, after a bit
of title tankering, I'm so very proud to welcome you,
dear friends, to another episode of Alchemy. This let's meet
our group of Alchemists, shall we? In no particular order
(00:44):
to say hello everybody? To Vanessa rag On Venetia, what's
the worst thing about sitting so close to Joey Greer?
I guess the energy. Yeah, that's correct, It's very intense. Yeah, yeah,
it's too much. I'm gonna say lock Peper Daughters, Chris
Alvarado's in the Who's why, Hey, I'm if they're selling
(01:09):
that's one of your old daughters, I should have clarified
block up your college going smart? What Christmas wish did
you make that still might come true? Um? Getting some
of Joey Grel's energy. Yeah, come on, people, We've got
Craig Kikowski here, Craig. Why can't we all just get along?
(01:31):
Because I'm sitting next to Joey Greer last, but all
flatten your times If you think I'm Lee, it's Joey Beer. Hey, Joe, Joe,
tell our listeners something about you that they couldn't possibly know.
Inside is so quiet, Yes, no one knew that. That's
for damn sure. That was co joining us. Tardy will
(01:54):
be sweet baby, James heeney, James, can I call it
Captain Poopy? Okay, let's degree our first scene. Very excited folks.
The scenes to they're coming from your listener mail that's
right right to us at your name here at alchemy
(02:14):
this dot com. Your name here at alchemy this dot com,
and give us some suggestions like this first one that
comes from Mary Grace Russo, who writes Loving the Podcast
Listen as as soon as they come out a concept
to maybe try the first date. I was thinking of tender,
but simplifying would be a first date. Well, thank you,
(02:35):
Mary Grace. So let's do. I'm gonna open it up
a little and say, let's do a series of first
dates that were simply set up from any one of
the various dating apps. Oh wow, this is great, thank you.
Um so, I I know from the app that you're
(02:58):
you love astrology, that fantastic stars. Yeah, yes, I am
going to be very balanced. I am. I'm a Libra
on a Burger rising and they're interesting. Yes, yeah, my too. Uh,
I have very I have several different scholar shamans that
I work with. Each one has different levels and tears
(03:19):
of understanding to the psyche and as well as to
the stars spaces. So I'm like going a man's plain
astrology to you. Please please do, please do. That's too
much of me, too much of me, too much of me. Uh.
On your profile says you work with cars m the
Pixar film. Oh, oh my god, oh my god, re
(03:42):
editing it ever since it came out. Oh my god,
trying to get it right and tear. Are your drinks
Colada and one virgin Pani Colada? Thank you? I asked
for no Marichino cherries. Sir, can you come back please?
I heard him. I us for no Maraschino cherries. Okay,
(04:03):
just because I order a virgin drink? Am I a child? Sir?
Come back please right here? Okay, I'll take it away.
What was that keep your college aged daughters away from him?
Am I right? Oh? Did I? Or did I not? Say? No? Maschin?
You you said I don't recall at all? Well, I
thought it, and I sent that feeling to the floor manager.
(04:27):
There's been a problem. Yeah, you need to manage your floor.
I'm trying, My god, I'm trying. Can you get this
out of my drink? Please? Do you mind if I
use my fingers? Not at all? There's a stem? Please?
Can you just fix this? Please? Here you go? Shall
I tie it in a knot? Shall I tie it
in a bow? Do you hear saying? Well, thank you
(04:48):
so much. And these are on the house. Thank you,
thank you very much. You're very welcome. She was very nice.
She was so much different energy than the other guy. Well,
she's a Gemini. Yeah, you can just tell that. I can.
Oh my gosh, it's amazing, something about the two faced quality. Yes, yes,
exactly exactly. Janice the Greek god, the Roman god. Why
(05:10):
the gods? Janice? Yes, the two faced anyway, So you know,
I cars. I love the franchise. I love everything about that.
So you were working from the ground up or I'm
trying to eliminate the character of Lightning McQueen, okay, alright,
to give some of the supporting characters a little more
of a platform. Totally. So, I totally at that. I
(05:30):
always feel that so often in movies, where like the
lead to get so much of the focus, yes, and
that the rest of the performers don't get the same
focus as the lead. Yes, that's aware of the people.
It's just like, why would there be cars exactly? There
was obviously in them some kind of post apocalyptic scenario
where the cars became sentient part of me. I just
wanted to apologize for the mistake earlier. And oh you're
(05:53):
still working here? Well, yes, bad of my own money.
I've actually purchased this appatter platter for you guys us
so you can is our alcohol that No, as you
can see here, it's mozzarella six fingers and well, I
want half of that field with alcohol and the other
half virgin. He's an alcoholic. I am a teetotal. Just
(06:17):
you just say you're going to handle it. Just say
you're going to handle it. I'm having a hard I
feel anxious. Go to the back room. Go hit yourself
with a broom. We will feel half of that. Oh,
with a booze and have that just with me, or
an arrow. Maybe come back all the time. We will.
(06:38):
You're getting your floor and shape. She's so nice. I'm
so happy I met somebody on blunk. Thank you me too,
Like I've been on blunk for a while. Oh my gosh,
me too. How many moons? I can't even count so
many moons, you know, not enough stars? Wow? Wow, But
when you feel that light, when you see that life
(07:00):
for the first time, you know, oh, maybe it's not
a star, Maybe it's a son. I think there's alcohol
in the strength what somebody put alcohol? Spit in my mouth.
I'm looking for a life, frankly, I'm looking for somebody
to spend the rest of my life with. Wow. Yeah,
(07:21):
I'm looking for fun and sport, okay, and someone who
likes novels. Um. I haven't read a book in a
very long time. I listened to a lot of stuff
on tape. We still call it. It's not tape. I
listened to a book in I listened to books and
(07:43):
digital I listened to digital books, audio books. Well, this
is a nice bar. It's a nice bar, really fun idea. Yeah,
you look great in a park of by the way,
you so what do you say? We do this? We
(08:05):
rock and roll you and me? We we we we
we we take over the world. Huh, forever take over
the world. Look, I made a lot of mistakes in
my past, have I You're human? I'm human? Look at that.
I love you. Know. This is the first time someone's
(08:25):
wanted to commit in a while. So that's a good thing.
I'm all commit, but you're this is you know, a
wife is I just need a little time, just a
little maybe by the end of the drinks, maybe maybe
you know what I mean? I could listen. What do
you what do you need? I'm hoping, you know, my
(08:47):
boss will notice, not the work I'm doing. And your boss.
You got a boss. I'm good at talking to bosses,
A really good at talking to bosses. I I think
my work speaks for itself, but if doesn't, I can
speak for your work. How are those drinks, folks? Are
they cold enough for you? Very cold? Very very cold. Yes,
(09:08):
this is a nice bar and coldest bar in town
and coldest drinks in tow Yeah. I see those signs everywhere.
It feels like that's we know that because we're sitting
on ice blocks. Yeah, we've really got our brand out there. Yeah. Yeah,
we're doing great. Do you have anything, sweetheart? Could is
there any heat lamp? Sort of a situation, you know
(09:32):
you might melt all this eyes because you are so high. Hey, hey, hey,
what dude? What back it up? If I backed it
up further, i'd be in the cooler. Don't give me
a fucking joke. Okay, I'm trying to set this. I'm
trying to lock this. I'm trying to shut up. I'm
trying to lock this in forever. Help help? Are you
(09:57):
asking me for help? Now? Asking you for help? Do
you want to be here? Yes? Yes, she wants to
heat lamp. Okay, I'll see what I can do. You
know how I've said I'm quirky. Yeah, I guess Okay, okay, okay,
(10:18):
that you cheat. You looks like a little bird left
on the branch Martini, My lady, I'm sorry. Do you
know each other? We just met? Holy shit, ladies, first,
the only side to put ladies first balls on you.
(10:40):
Oh you can see it from that far away. Cheers.
That's my seat, sir, Now you're sitting there. Okay, I'll
stand for a second. Dude, this is this is impressive. Frankly,
I'm impressed. What's your name? I don't give it out
to men. I on't give it out to window. Oh,
(11:02):
I'll tell you my name. I'm yeah, I'd love to
your names. Jimmy so aggy, this is you and I
know more, Mike, I gotta go to the bathroom. Some
people right back, she wouldn't. Okay, I can hear everything
(11:25):
you're saying. You know that, right. You don't like me.
You think I'm a fucking ugly piece of ship. It's
not good for you. Who's not worthy of being with
you for the rest of your life. Mike, I didn't
say any of that. Okay, Well, don't have a heat lamp.
But I was able to find a hair dryer if
you run it long enough, I still need help. Thank you.
(11:51):
Oh okay, okay, I'm coming back. Why it wasn't you.
It's not the way you look. You look great. It's
the way you were threatening me. The threat I was
threatening you with secured with protection the thing, honestly, and
you think, Jimmy, I'm a drink melted. I didn't know
(12:13):
the cup was made of Well maybe Jimmy can get
you one. Everything's made of ice. Way are an ice bar.
I'm sorry I didn't read carefully enough. I was so
scared of my dream. You signed the disclaimer when you
walk down. Didn't read that either. What the funk is this? Mike? Mike?
(12:34):
Is it? Yeah? Yeah, Hi, I can on the ledger here.
You wanted to come in and talk about Aggie's position
here at the company. She was having a problem apparently,
and you were sent in. I'm confused. What's confusing about that?
That you don't work here? Oh I see, I see.
So you think, oh yeah, she works here and will
(12:56):
continue to work. Well, she's doing a great job in
my opinion, and you based that opinion on my own standards. Sure, yeah, okay,
well we have our standards to see. You're you think
you're being a cute guy. And this is funny to me.
You think you're really cute. You warry bow tie and
you wearry glasses. I don't dress myself, so that's I
don't have a high opinion of it. Okay, well let
(13:16):
me tell you it's terrible. Okay, yea. And furthermore, well, uh,
frankly the fit is off, so more boxy. Listen. I'm
not here to talk about how poorly you dress. I'm
here to tell you Aggie needs a promotion a SAP.
She does great work and needs to be reminded of
that daily. I'm sure you're right. Uh, having just come in,
(13:38):
what what sort of promotion are we talking about? The highest?
What do you do? I'm ahead of HR, a head
of higher than that higher? Yeah, okay, so like a
senior vice president. That sounds good, right, that sounds good.
All right, Well let me put this down man, Aggie.
Let me take my shirt off really quick, and you
can see what you're dealing with here, that you're nursing
(14:00):
a baby. That's right here. I did not see that.
You didn't see. I got a lot more. Maybe put
your nipple back in the baby. Maybe you know what
I mean? All right, fine, Actually that's smart. Yeah, back
on there, because I don't see hers animals, I have
to ask, is that in fact your baby? No? Okay,
(14:20):
you can tell him a crazy man, right, Yeah, you're
gonna get what you want. That's what I'm saying. You're
a smart guy. You're a bad dresser, smart guy. Tell
your friend Aggie, she's a senior vice president. What's your name?
I didn't get your name, Tim, Tim, Thanks man, your
bad Yeah that's my n So. Yeah, I mean, it's
just been like crazy. I've been sitting over by the
(14:43):
park bench like every single day and and it's just
always like the same animals come by, and I'm like,
is that is that a meat thing? Is it just
because of the marsh that's right next to the animals?
Are the same exact animals? Um species? Same individuals? Oh wow? Um,
no individuals. I'd have to say, out of ten, out
(15:05):
of ten, it's the same, the same guys. And man,
here's your baby, Aggie. Sir movie Aggie. I know you
said you didn't want to see me ever again. But
but but but but but but I got you promotion
at your job. I'm saying, I said, move. Oh yeah, sorry,
(15:27):
there's a squirrel running around your feet. By the way,
that's a good friend of mine. Okay, Aggie, what do
you say, am I in my back? I'm giving that
baby back. Look at this, Look at this. Look at this.
I'm so sorry. Don't apologie. Look at what this baby represents. Yes,
that's right, that's right, and me doing whatever he needs
(15:49):
I need to do to take care of you. Here's
your baby back, man. Thank you. Well, um, thank you.
I guess we're dating. Um. Yes, see tomorrow, I'll go
to work. Yes, go to work now. Baby. Stop hanging
out of the parks on work days too. That's a
(16:10):
weird thing. It was where I just like to have breakfast.
Thanks across. Okay, this is my new friend. He's name
is trash can Y. It's my birth names Greek. You
have your your eyebrows tattooed on, man, Yeah, oh that's
(16:32):
why they're so beautiful. Thank you. It's just easier, all right.
Just for the record, ever be here at this park.
I just want to say I did it. I went
on I went on Spear dating app dot com. I
found somebody. It was actually I was also on Spear.
(16:53):
I want to be honest with you, baby, It's okay.
I was playing the field too. Okay, alright, but now
look I did it. It's official, man, me that baby,
and it's Fear dating app dot com. But it's Fear
fear or spear fear Fear. It's an app called fear.
(17:13):
All right, let's get to our second letter. It was beautiful.
Oh man, dub Babe wants us to take a little
break so we can bring James into the proceedings. We'll
be right back after this. Name is Poopy Bud. Welcome buddy.
(17:35):
We didn't introduce you know what? We got word than you?
Did you do my voice? I did? Everyone kind of
did your voice. Everybody's oh yeah, talk a little so
we can test your one two three, You get the
(17:55):
big thumbs up. Check the your phones to make sure
that they are to your like and they aren't. We're
ready to roll back in what all right? Welcome into
the uh nutty nuthouse? Mr James Heney James, Can I
call you a dr Poopy? I mean it's better than
(18:16):
the alternative? Okay, good, shitty, it's shitty. You have to
tea your professional to catch you up to speed. We're
doing scenes based on listener mail. Oh thank god, that's
all I've been wanting. I've been hoping and waiting for
this moment. Yeah, it's pretty exciting. This one comes in.
(18:37):
Can you pronounce that name? It's Aaron Arbishop Bolt. No,
he cannot started so well, the beginning of it's really easy.
It just ends with Bolt. Maybe there's a hyphen you
don't know and Oarstrom Bolt uh simply suggested in his
(19:03):
submissive New Year's Eve nine. Okay, so you think America
is going to hell in a handbasket today? Well remember
when we thought the world would stop at midnight because
we did first stop New Year's Eve. Well, let's in
fact stop by Pennsylvania Avenue. Back when Bill Clinton was
(19:24):
President Al Gore's VP. It's New Year's Eve in the
White House. Do you have eyes on an potus? I
thought you were just going to stop there. I do
sorry to interrupt you. Guys. We're just taking this pastry
tray in. What you got there? These cheese puffs? Yeah,
(19:48):
I don't think it's appropriate for either to be eating
cheese puffs that are going into the Oval office. Well
maybe we should actually, yeah, exactly, Actually that's a good
You know, in olden days there was a position in
castles of a taste. You're just so the king wouldn't
get poisoned, right, But this is America, for nod bless it?
For now? What is your name, Oh, Viga, Viga, Nick,
(20:09):
why don't you eat one of those cheese balls? Okay,
cheese balls would be heavy cheese balls. You've gotten the
cheeseball on Christmas before. I mean, I don't want to split. Yeah, okay,
you're right. How cheeseballs are heavier and they're covered with almonds.
But that puff is shaped like a ball. Yeah, but
it's puffy looks. I have to get out on the floor, guys,
(20:32):
last call for cheese pots. The world explodes, just get yeah, Viga,
how with the holidays of you're playing dark dark lights?
Were not? Oh no, just a lot of death in
the family here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dropping like flyes. These
are good. I have weak jeans. Really people dropping, Man,
that's really good. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
(20:53):
no no no, let me no cheese. This is a
this is better. Take those out, okay, Nick, what we
don't even know if you're okay now or not? I
don't know. First I feel fine. You just get these
into the Oval office, please, gentlemen, How bad is it bad? Sir? Bad?
It's all gonna reset to zero. Okay, but everyone's plenty
(21:16):
are going to fall out of the sky here that
we need to do something. Now, sir, you have two
options in front of you. Option one Yes. Was that
a question or were you? I just want to make yes.
You're the real deep state president that we yes, that
we pay attention to. We've got that other president out
there for the public. You're the real president. It's just checking. Okay,
(21:38):
So what are my options? We have option one and
option to Option one cut off the power to the
entire world. Let's do that. Do you want to hear
the other option? Hey, fellows, I think I should be
able to weigh in on this. I gotta present it
to the people ultimately, whatever it is you decide. So
I feel like maybe I have a say. We were
saying everything's gonna be fine. Didn't we lock this door? Oh?
(22:00):
I got chick out front? But you heard me, Everything's
gonna be fine. Well that's what I'm telling people. We're
all gonna be hunting door. Keep playing the music. Yeah right.
The food? Also, Mr President, we ordered a meat Lovers
Supreme so oh excellent, excellent because I dragged an extra
a couple of feet today, so this would be good,
well deserved. All right, I gotta go have a debate
(22:20):
with al about peanut butter. Keep it up the good
word in here, okay, alright, alright, a debate about peanut
get back to the sorry, yesir, yes, yes, sir. You
have two options. The first one cut off power to
the entire world. The second hold on. But the second one,
the second one, it's a little more tricky. Okay, you're
not talking about Hey, fellas like interrupt you. What if
(22:46):
I just tell people's eight we go the other way? No,
you wanted to. You had a lot of scandals that yeah,
President Rhodes Scholar. What the al right? Option one? Option
one cut off our to the entire world. Let's do
it now, hold on, hold on. If you're about to
say what I think you're about to say, you madman,
(23:08):
don't take that off the table right now? Do you
want to take that off the table? We got the
whole world watching us right now? What we do right now? Hello?
What the yes? Okay, we'd like to see you eat one?
Oh me, yeah, I don't do. But I'm one of
(23:30):
the first. This is a lot of energy coming right
at me. Guys, it's the Oval Office. Okay, down that
hatch hatch means mouth, nick? Are you okay? Nick? I
(23:52):
don't feel good. Man, you're falling asleep. I don't I
don't know what's happening. It's from the waist down. Oh Jesus,
we'll sit down for a second. Okay, do you have
any medication you'll be taking? No, I just take a
propitia and lipertor okay, well that shouldn't have any problems, right,
(24:13):
those are fine. I'm not exactly certain the sign effects.
But you're turning green green jerious? Do you ever reflect? Well,
it's more of a grayish. You're just it's not green,
it's greenish. Great, it's like a speaking of what have
you seen the alien in the basement? What? Yeah? Okay,
well those look tasty. So what do you say them around? Okay?
(24:33):
All right, hello, you like them? Mrs Clinton. We are
in the middle of something right now. So if you could,
I'll see myself out down the latch hatch. Oh so
where were we? You goddamn man? If you think yes,
(24:54):
what would have a big sign up for? The White
House said gone fishing? What you know? It's an old
country saying okay, how do we think of the idea
for what I mean? People would laugh in the evntion
They go I guess they went fishing. I like that.
(25:15):
It's funny. Instead of worrying about what whether the you know,
the the end king, we would actually just leave. There
would be no one in the wild. I don't know
what we can do the okay, we have two two options.
First one cut power to the entire world. We've got
hold on, hold on, sir. We also have another option,
(25:36):
option too. He's looking at you like he doesn't want
to talk abo option too, which means I need to
hear it right now. Option two is primal. I'm listening.
Option two says that we lock ourselves in this room
and the last one to come out. And how does
(26:01):
that fix the white two cave? Oh? I don't know. Oh,
I don't know. We're turning gray. By the way, what
I do you went to weigh in on this? Click
club dog? Her english is getting better, her english, I
(26:23):
think so. I don't think they have genders where she
comes from. But I did it again. She should be
in the basement. Don't say she We don't know that.
We don't you be in the basement? Alright, alright, alright, alright,
So option one to what do you want to do?
Oh gosh, maybe you guys, step the lower part of
(26:45):
my body, Mr President, I didn't need Okay, clip club?
What's her clip clop? Clip clop? I've been saying, plea cluck,
click cluck. It's embarrassing. I file those that's may I'll go.
Or have you seen clip clock? Apparently she got out
of the base month. I thought, what are you doing
(27:09):
an impersonation? Click cluck is not in here now? Sorry?
Click clum clock click clump clup clumb is not here?
So how's it going with two k's Joyce great? We
have a couple of options. I'd love to hear them
(27:30):
happy new Yeah, okay. Number one it's cut off power
of the entire world, which you'd be cool with of course. Yeah.
And I think we're gonna go with supporting to show
that level of strength and power when dealing with the
other countries. I'd love to hear an what kind of
lockerselves in here? And then are you okay? I think
so much? The lower part of my bodies it's Phil
(27:53):
easy enough, Phil McKay with a Bill, uh, fill with
a Bill, Fill with a Bill. I understand Phil of
Bill Phil, Bill, you don't look way. I love my
gonna line, thank you, sir, Thank you so again. First
option powers off to the world. Option too, we lock
ourselves to the death. I can't understand Option two is
(28:14):
we lock ourselves in here. How does that affect the
rest of the world. Well, I guess, and now as
as good as time is any to tell you we
actually run things around here. Well, I understand that. That's
we're fun with it. That was job as pr Apparently
I just need to know what the story is because
Bill is confused. Can you go have a quick conversation
(28:36):
with Bill? Just you two love. We have to finish
the debate about peanut butter. I'd love to hear. I
would love to hear you. Can I get a quick
poll I'd love to hear from tlip talk too. Alright on,
So creamier or chunky Chunky from Clip Chunk Chunky from
Don Phil Bill, Creamy Creamy, thanks Edgar Chunky for me monkey.
(29:00):
So that's three junkies. Alright, Well, that's good to know. Alright,
keep up a good word, we'll keep it. I'm going
out there, all right, Well, thank you. So just follow
me down the hallway over here, and you're going to
see on the left hand side, this is where the
Presidential movie theater is Now, this is something very rare. Trely,
(29:21):
we're gonna be able to We're going to have all
the screenings of all the different New Year's Balls drops
going on here when it happens. Yes, they're well, so
now just following me down the hallway, please don't touch
the president. Taft got stuck in. That's just a rumor,
one of those presidents that died having sex with a horse.
(29:42):
Where do they keep the aliens? Okay, well all these
are just rumors now, Okay, that and we don't keep
those No, no, no, the aliens are real. I'm sorry.
I saw aliens on the news and they are here.
Oh my god, you had seen aliens. Well it wasn't
on the traditional news, but it was an news source.
All right, we're going to die here to not? Yeah, right,
(30:05):
come on, I don't say something like that. If you
have some kind of special power to feel the premonitions
like that, do you do you feel that? I just
heard it. All. Everybody's buying water. If you say someone's
gonna die in the White House, you know that's a
federal offense. Right, Oh my god, I didn't. So let's
just get some gar me I was told I could
bowl a couple of frames in the bowling alley. All right, yeah,
(30:25):
these are just rumors. There's no bowling alleys. There is
a bowling alley, boy, it's right there. But let' I'll
just go down. Let's just come down the slide. Let's
got to group with. I'm gonna y'all such at what's happened.
(30:48):
I took all these I want to cat tail. You'll
left me. Well, someone hold me while let that can
go next, follow the door sheet. Give me the map.
Where's that butler who's worked for all the president? It's
a rumor. Give me the map. I'm gonna show you
(31:10):
where to go. Off to another New Year's party, this
one in the high Hollywood Hills. We're a very prominent producers,
throwing quite the lavish party. We'll hear from the guests,
the host, and the caterers. Party, noise, party, alcohol using, man,
(31:46):
you know, just a bullshit, you know what I mean.
I'm trying to get this fucking role man, and it's
just like it's all coming at me in a way
that's just like black Gary. You have a call. Yeah,
I got a cool It's called a cocaine Okay, can
I guess? So of course you can get into my pocket.
You gotta get it from my pocket book, alright, So
it's just like crazy. You don't say anyone know if
(32:08):
there's any birds in here? Who? Oh my birds? Yes,
there any birds in here? Definitely Trillo, Stephanie Trillo, Stefanie
who should I saw you? Oh my god, I love
I loved you? And dinosaurs react fun project, A lot
of fun. I was set. The dinosaurs were almost real.
(32:32):
We all got scared at one time or another. There
was a lot of improv. Yeah you're shanging one off book.
I went off book and stephanely trailer and I have
a better books didn't want to get off. What do
you think is gonna happen at midnight? When a stroke
at midnight? Where I have any an tools? A witch
(32:56):
and she told me if I about the head off
a bird, So I'm ring for a bird. That's what
the head of the bird is for. That's right. The blood.
I don't know what makes she get through it, but
it's going to be a chosen few. They live exactly.
The rest will fade into the desk. Everything I'm seen
on news just says the computers are gonna go whacky.
(33:16):
But listen to the news, baby. Mr Sapiro, Yes, I
know you're just a caterer, but like I know that
you also like cater to like all the stars, of
course I do. That's why I have parties. I was
just wondering if maybe I could pitch you my movie idea.
I mean, right now, I'm playing the rule of cater
I know it's so and my boss. Okay, okay, okay, okay,
(33:39):
let me put this down. Then go ahead. I'll give
you the elevator. Elevator excuse me, okay, never mind, just
coming back when you're ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I
live in my car. What did you say elevator? Alright, fine, fine, yeah,
you said it wrong, unless it was Mr Shapiro. We
need a few more stuff, mushrooms. Hey, can I give
(34:00):
you a quick elevator pitch? Yes? Bigfoot family? So kid bigfoots,
adult bigfoots, women bigfoots. That's my pitch, Bigfoot family. OK.
Let's buying or not? Yes, I'm buying. You think I'm
an idiot? Okay, you could call it the big feet.
I'm just one. Did you give any whole birds in here?
(34:21):
Are you cooking any whole birds in the kitchen? We
have we have life birds. Oh goodness, this is great.
May have one, absolutely, but partment um. I don't want
to embarrass you or blow up your spot as they say.
But you said elevator pitch in there, like, are you
selling a movie about elevators? You don't, you don't know
(34:41):
the term. It's an industry term. Yeah, it's called an
elevator pitch. Why would it be called an elevator? Little
hot dogs up? Like I get get these little hot
dogs out there. Okay, Frank is supposed to be in blankets.
I just see the little bigs, a little blanket and
just hot dogs. Nobody's gonna eat hot dogs and a
(35:02):
big people love dogs. We gotta put blankets on them.
Then you put the blankets on them and make the dog.
I'm gonna come back in a couple of minutes. Better
be blankets on me or pigs. Oh good? Yeah? Where
is he? That's a big bigger than what is that?
(35:24):
That's a big bird cuts a black bird? Oh I
was hoping first. He's a scary. What is it? Thank you?
Thank you so much, a little guy. Mr Shapiro, gonna
talk to you for a second please, of course, of course. Well,
I just want to say again thank you for hiring
us and having this work here. But there has been
(35:46):
a slight decline in your output for the night. Oh well,
the truth this is I've been getting a lot of
pitches and honestly, I'm I don't care. You're working right now, okay,
Mr Shapiro. So you're gonna have to hit certain tables
and a certain quote to you. Understand. I thought that
it was just, you know, uh, kind of breaking the mold,
just working as a cater at my own party. I
(36:07):
can't get some slack at my own house. No, sir,
if you if you're if you're working with Golden Table,
you're working with the best. I mean, that's why I
hire you, guys, but that's why you're working with us.
So do me a favor. I want you to pretend
you're on the clock. Okay, Well, this is the first
year you've been managing this. I don't know if you
know how it usually works. Yeah, usually it works is
(36:29):
anyone can do whatever the hell they wanted your parties
and we lose money. Oh not anymore, Mr Shapiro. Okay, Okay,
thank you, d Look. Look, I know you think I
sound crazy, but just listen, Okay. I think in the
future it's gonna be more like technical, man. I think
that like we're going to break open the fucking landscape
of what it means to be creative. I think you
(36:52):
can people are gonna make movies on their fucking phones.
You are fucking telephone at home and a little in
the hallway. I'm gonna make movies with that. I think
I'm just high man, mare, just sucking. Hi. I heard
my son the other day. He's four. He said digital.
I don't even know what he's talking, Tom talking about
his fingers. Alright. I just feel like we can We're
(37:13):
gonna put be in a place where you can make
your You could be a celebrity on your own. Man,
what Stuart but famous for? What? Like? You know, how
like war All said fifteen minutes of fam I think
it's gonna be like six seconds of fame. Hi, man,
I don't know I have, but she's having you know what?
Oh yeah, these pigs without blankets are incredible. See I
(37:35):
thought they were surprising too, really good. I mean it's
a hot dog, really right, I don't know, it's a
pig without a blanket. Alright, a blanket list pig blank list.
I call it a could pick who wants to cocaine
on Ara? I love this body. It's not bad, right,
(37:58):
it's the opposite of bad. It's and I thought I
was the gay throwing the body was also the kid
where that seems but he's crazy? Yeah? Have you talked
to him? No? I already wasn't eating the bottom line?
Oh well, I think he's a pretty cool boss, is
all I know, Mr Shapiro Man. I mean he's a
high big time producer and a caterer, like like the
(38:20):
heatering ideas, like kind of like outdat. I feel like
there's gonna be a time where you can like use
your phone to like have meals. You can do that,
you can call the company. Yeah, it's gonna be like that,
but with like more actors and improvisers bringing it to you.
Improvisers an improviser? What are you talking about? It's like,
(38:40):
what's an improviser? I'd like to make a quick announcement, everybody,
My Nieces blackbird is missing from the cage upstairs. It
is not supposed to be an outdoor blackbird. Does anybody
know what happened to the bird? And where can we
get more of these little meatballs. I'm gonna be bringing
(39:02):
them in just a moment. But it's an emergency that blackbird.
Birds were like talking, but we were the voice of
the burden. We're like going like tweet tweet tweet tweet
and like send me messages to each other. Okay, I
could have sworn I heard something there. Oh it's my idea. Yeah,
(39:24):
I don't know. Man, it's like a digital platform. Alright, alright,
we'll keep an eye out for a blackbird. I'm gonna
bring out the meatballs. Oh my, this ponty is fantastic. No, dear, hello, hello, hello, hello,
excuse me. You're very famish and English actor, aren't you
a very famoush English? Yeah? I can't place you, but
(39:47):
but I know i've seen you in something or you're
you're incredible so much. If you can think of what
it is, i'd be fantastic. Commercial pepper farms, the guy
in the cloak I was, Yeah, see if you remember me,
those cookies for sale, Your cookies for sale? God? Yeah,
(40:09):
it came from like Shakespeare and ship right originally right right, right?
So what was your favorite Shakespeare player? You ever did,
because I've only seen one Corey Anus or something like that. No, no, no, no,
probably um probably the fear right Corey is a gay
port Say again, Corey Anus, I work in gay porn.
(40:32):
Oh that's oh yes, oh my god. Yes I've seen you,
my friend. Oh yeah, oh my gosh. Yeah, I know
the deep gus my friend, so to speak. I know
the animals of that. Yes, my friend, I have masturbated
so much of your Hello, how to do? How to do? Yes,
(40:58):
it's really me in the flair. Defit me. You've seen
my boobs and now you're going to meet my bird. Question,
is anyone comfortable killing a bird? Step? Oh my god,
he's a cookie man, not don a cookie man. I
(41:18):
have in my coat black. It was like the Tower
of London. Yes, give me. It's an omen where he's
just like me to breathe it. Well, I need this
for someone. I thought I could do it myself, but
I don't want to watch the live dream attitude I got. Well,
(41:41):
I don't want to be ald. I don't want to
be alone. Let's take the elevator to the room. Sorry,
on my computer is dead. It's just that. No, the
lights everyone everyone in the bathroom just turned to ash alive.
(42:04):
I didn't enough one of us is getting into this
room alive and one of us isn't at the time. Candles.
You got candles, of course, I got candles. Candles. This
bird's help. I've been him the future. You could be
like Alexa. Turn on the lights. Who has Alexa? Hey
(42:27):
we can still do drugs and stuff right by. Candles
will be great. These are birthday candles. Man. They're not
gonna help with drugs. They're gonna get wax sol over.
I understand, like like fourteen of them, guys, I got
this this hand radio. There seems to be some emergency
broadcast plane. The message from the President of the United
(42:48):
States clip clop the real president. What option, Joe? It
was another option? I was option one, but even a
dead about it? When may I to each other? Pays
(43:12):
maintaining roads, taxes, pay taxes? It wants to pay taxes.
What that's a lot like my elevator pitch? Elevator? Yeah?
What the hell is an elevator pitch? Can we hear
the elevator picturel ready? Thank you? All right, I've got
a second. What's the bat mr? Here's what I was
(43:37):
thinking the world's come into an end. I see that
all around me. Um, and who we think is in charge,
it's not actually in charge. I just charged them. Oh
that's what we don't We don't really know what if
it's an alien, that's what I was kind of thinking, right,
like an alien. Well, the voice in the radio sounded
very alien, like, what's reminding me of my elevator? Pitch?
(43:58):
Mr Spirow Else Kevin Spacey said, yes, Bill, that's great news.
That great news. It's a great story. But I gotta
go hug Kevin space bad idea. The TV is coming
back on, and so are the radios and all the lights.
We did it, the world didn't. Then that's crazy. Look
(44:20):
at that Holy shit, living the illusion Live and the
illusion llusion. Now, how exactly are we going to make
them big? That the whole world's gonna shut down? It's
because at the end of the of the decade, it's
very easy. You just kind of put it out there.
(44:41):
You just floated just Florida. These people. That's very, very stupid.
That's impresent. Yeah, take me through the two options. The
first one is something about like I'm plugging stuff. Then
the second one is they are very parbaric flight for power.
I like the option to push for two, I'll push
the the dog. I'm already rupt. I just want to
(45:06):
bring you, guys all these softballs. What am I doing here?
I've got a doublet of question for you. Leave me
alone there, stop touching. You're looking at me comfortable. No,
this one's looking at my but not looking young. That's
a greeting. Yeah, okay, we got a couple. We learned
(45:27):
about earth behavior by watching your films. Yeah, Cory gans
deep guts. What I was just I was in bed
with my wife. The next thing I knew the movie
Wrigge Jane By. I've never seen it. Give me another movie.
This is a fun game. I'll tell you. Why were
they saved by the bell? Yeah? Were they saved by
(45:49):
the bell? What were they doing from themselves? When I
go back? Can I go back home? I got about?
Is they get easy? Ah? Were you going to sleep with?
I want you to dream of mm hmm not a
regular bait um? I guess flying. You can't have to look.
(46:11):
This thing's tone is still in my butt that I
just saying that out. Why did you saiding? Not hello?
I was like hello? Okay, so we Good's Charles Still
and Jarge. I don't know, you're all glowing things. Never
(46:34):
stopped with the boss, Bill Clinton, President Bill Clinton taking
tongue out of my foot. Hello, baby, baby, wake up
what I'm having a horrible dream. You've got to go.
(47:07):
We called last call already, we got we gotta gob
lots of people fall asleep in hair because its verticle.
Can you maybe take the hair dry away please? Mark? Okay, okay, babe, alright, okay,
(47:30):
you're ready to go. I'm called again. Let's go home.
Let's go home. Okay, let's just call our home our
home made. Don't need a uber, I don't even need
to press the but just a feeling though. Oh yeah,
I had a feeling that we need to go home.
Yet I need to tell you our address. I know.
(47:52):
I've got another letter from from Justin mcate m E
C A T. E. McKay, Hey chemists, and then in
parentheses my idea for what to name the team, but
feel free to change. Yeah right, pound that chest. Just
(48:14):
wanted to say that I love your show. I recently
binge listened uh to it at work the other day.
They shift really flew by. I'm a full time student.
With a full time, minimum wage job. I always wanted
to attend a live show, but it's so hard to
find the time. So thanks for making this podcast and
giving me a comfortable break from the grind. Please keep
(48:35):
up the great work. I have a few suggestions below
U for some scenes to run through your newest fan,
Justin mccate. Here's the one of his suggestions. And amateur
SWAT team on their first mission with the directing, with
the director coaching them from a van outside. Okay, so,
since the suggestion made the odd choice of using the
(48:57):
word director, I would like to do the real version
in the SWAT team and then the TV production version
wherein said director just isn't getting what he or she
was hoping for in the scene. So first we go
to an actual site where the SWAT team is hard
at work with the director calling shots from a van
out front. Okay, I'm checking gear, power, drap it up
(49:18):
to turn around, get it back front, good pete heo,
lock and load buddy, all right? Feeling good? Yeah? Locking
the load in candy, Yeah, I feel good. No, he
seemed very relaxed. Yeah, alright, cool. We're gonna hit this
as soon as we get the word from the director.
(49:40):
We're gonna, we're gad to go alright, alright, alright, we're
ready for this. And uh, I don't sorry. What's your name? Candy? Now?
Can we get somebody else for Candy problem? He just
doesn't have the energy we're looking for. We're looking for pep,
We're looking for smiles. Candy is the best demo team
member we got. It's just out. It's not what we're
(50:00):
looking for on the big screen. It was long range
shooter and not I mean in Vietnam. He was in Vietnam,
just shooting Vietnam last summer. Okay, well how about this.
Can you give me a smile. I'm gonna need to
trade him out. Smile a smile on the sweat. Yes,
what are we smiling about? Well, we don't want everybody
to think that these people are forced to do this work.
(50:21):
This is their own free will. They're protecting the people
here from Glenda. Please, thank you. I'm Glenda. I'm the
sensitivity supervisor. I'm also working closely with the script boys.
You guys will be reporting to me and the director here. Okay,
let's keep it sensitive, keep it warm. We're saving golden retrievers. Glinda,
(50:43):
can we can we be in agreement that this candy
needs to have a higher energy, be smiley. I don't
like his face. I don't like his face, but I
think you could fix it with a smile. That's right.
Oh god, never mind, keep it down. Don't to upbeat.
Oh do you guys ever? Do you guys ever wear
ski masks? Yeah, maybe we could put one of those
(51:05):
on candy. Yeah, mask him. Yeah, see this fits man,
it's too tape. Yeah, no, it looks great. It's this question.
It works on. It doesn't read. I'm here in video
village and it looks good. It looks cool. One minute
out from location that, one minute out roger that and again,
(51:26):
we're going to free up some golden retrievers. Well, they're
being held hostage by some asshole PETA people, all right,
and they're trying to save these golden retrievers. It's a
little redundant. Yeah, no kidding. So these golden retrievers. You
said it, chief, I'm just saying, just because they're pure
bread doesn't mean they're bad. You see, there's a big
(51:48):
thing going on in the dog community. Adopt, don't shop, true,
but shopping is still Those animals are still alive. Yeah,
they are right. They need home, that's right. Yeah. Oh gosh,
I have completely misread this script. I thought that we
were trying to take out the pain to people that
are trying to let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. Understand,
(52:10):
everybody shoot those dogs. Oh, come out, I'm gonna use
my bowie knight. I got all the dogs in here.
I got all the dogs in this room. All right,
(52:31):
thank you for playing bank the scene. We had a
couple of questions. We tested this with an audience in Burbank,
and uh, I'm just about every car. Do we have
to see dogs? Good shot? I was gonna put it
out there is there any way to cut around the
dogs being shut? Well, it's a reality television, I understand.
(52:53):
But again the people in Burbank were a little offended.
Uh well, I mean there's a lot of things in
reality that I'm offended by, but I can't change it.
I'm not some sort of superhero, I understand. But you
sort of set up the whole thing for the SWAT
team to go in and rescue the dogs, and this
one guy just opened fire with the ski mask on
all the dogs. He was a good shot. Well, he fine,
(53:17):
and I'm wondering if I post we can maybe put
a little smile on his face. I mean, I wish
that we would have done this in the first place.
Can I just ask? Is this confidential here? Yeah? Of course, Okay.
I think it might have been my fault getting those
Golden Retrievers shot. I think I missed. Oh shit, I
(53:39):
I didn't even see you, resident dog lover here. Well
you are, in all fairness, you were the guy on
set that was supposed to make sure that animals weren't harmed. Well, well, Daryl,
I was that we're going to be rescued. I want
to say I was very close to the action. I
(54:01):
was on the front lines, as it were. I was
under the impression the dogs were going to be rescued.
The massacre surprised me as much of a surprise anyone
who has a sensitivity festival us on set. I'm very
the mission was in fact to save the dogs. I mean, yes,
we talked to the guy that did the shooting to
the ski mask. I don't know if it's a good
idea to bring Candy in here, but I do have
(54:22):
him outside the door. Please bring please bring Candy and
I just want to have Well, let me just prep
you guys. This guy is edgy from the shooting of
the dogs. I also want to say that the rest
of the group joined and pretty fast they followed Candy's lead.
So it might have been Candy spall, but everyone was
an animal. That sort of a team later situation though.
(54:43):
All right, let me get the door. You want me
to bring Candy in? No? I love you, Mr Candy,
Mr Candy. They're ready to see you now I gotta go. Okay,
all right, would you follow? You're follow me? I like you.
(55:05):
You got a sullen face while you're so sad all
the time. Sad. Okay, that's your answer. I get that. Yeah.
I carry a lot of demons too. He's gonna be
in here any minute. It's a really long hallway from
the lobby into this room. I'm hiding under the table.
That hallway is the only thing protecting us from his gate.
(55:27):
Mr Candy, welcome. Would can we get anything from water? Coffee? Coffee?
Maybe a coffee? Okay? How do you like that? Black back? Okay,
have a seat. We're out of coffee. Uh, the coffee's
on its way, Candy, Mr Candy, Um, we noticed as
point person. You were first one in and uh, while
we we we have an audience in Burbank that felt
(55:50):
a little taken aback Burbank, California by the shooting of
the dogs. So we'd love to either explain to them why,
which none of us to know, or edit that part out. Okay,
see dogs, who started shooting? What's going on? Um? The director?
This man right here who was in charge of everything,
(56:13):
we know which ones? The director give me my orders?
And that was too he said shoot the dog, he said,
take out the enemy. M I've thought that was why
are the dogs the enemy? Resident dog here? I'm sorry
your promerendians are okay, I'm guessing that what are you called?
They're traumatized. I told them about it. That was it.
(56:35):
You didn't get a plain of footage for him. What's
your name, Darryl, Daryl? It's on my shirt, Candy. I
know I'm gonna explain something to you. What and this
is gonna hurt your feelings. Dogs don't have souls, Candy, Darrel, Candy,
(56:58):
I know that. Sorry, Sorry, fright on her. Uh can
can we get back to shoot the enemy kill the
enemy concept? Because again the report Peter we don't have
any coffee. We get you something other than coffee. So date,
do you'd like a date with her? With her? Yeah,
(57:21):
oh my god'm not here asking for a date. We're
out of dates, sir. I think he's asking you to
go out. Okay, I'm sorry, I'll check this guy. We're
going back like me. Did you have a question for you?
Do you like me? Yes? Yes? All right, Mr Candy.
Uh So, in your mind the orders of the Peter
people being the enemy didn't register. You saw the dogs
(57:45):
which most people see us friendly, loving, full of heart
and soul as the end, full of heart. Yeah, they
got hearts and the dead within second. Uh So where
in your train blasting into that room? What triggered kill
the dogs? No? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we understand
(58:08):
you there a year ago right on the surfing surfing? Right?
How are the waves in the you know, because you
see in the in that couple of movie the character
there love the smell and napalm the morning that guy
he's surfing, right, Charlie, don't surf? These are things I remember.
So all these years later, you're staying the surf is
(58:30):
nice in the Vietnam. What size board you got The
dogs didn't have to die. Let's get back to that.
Here's the thing. The truth is is we got we
got our shots. The dogs did die. If we edit
out the dogs getting killed, what are we left with
(58:52):
seven minutes? Yeah, nothing, We're left with nothing. Well, when
the people don't watch the dogs, do you want me
to kill people? Absolutely? Is that? I mean? In my vision,
no one got killed. Vision. The dogs were being rested
and taken to the children That's why we had the
children's hospital already. We signed all the waivers and then
(59:16):
we had to go and talk to the children's days,
her kids. But the dog, you're dead and I was
covered in blood and we were all crying, Who do
I kill? No one? You think people are more important
than dogs? Are you twisting our words? Look? Does anyone
feel that the first was mistake was hiring an amateur
swat team for a reality TV show, giving them live
(59:39):
weapons and introducing golden Retrievers into the meigs. I gotta
be honest, a lot of reality TV, and I've had
successes in the past. It's storytelling. So yeah, I brought
Peter in that day, and yeah, those were pure bred
laboratory treat for whatever they were they were pure bred.
(01:00:02):
I asked for pure bred dogs because it looks good
on camera. What was the elevator pitch for the show?
I'll tell you honestly, it was just supposed to focus
on the Swat team and there are many antics, but
it seems like it's gonna be Why should they have Christmas?
It was swatting into Christmas and the kids we're gonna get.
We had a song Christmas sting into Christmas, slutting to
(01:00:29):
you guys, have your headphones, there's had put your hands
on your cans on. Here we go, Take three and
one to swat into Christmas. Santies are all pure. Kids
(01:00:50):
want to have fun, fun to Christmas. Cut Cut, We're
never gonna get to the Christmas episodes. What happened? What
do you mean we're talking about? I gotta pay bills here,
I gotta pay bill. I'm sorry, but I had a solo.
The pilot went really bad and it's got it's never
(01:01:13):
going to see the light. It was a tight seven
minutes and everybody loved it. Turns out everybody was offended,
and I guess I don't know. We're reality TV is
headed towards This was my ticket out of gay porn
hired amateurs. Hey, Jason, Hey, it's me Carl over at
Sears dot com. You have a lot of unpaid bills,
(01:01:37):
but you told us you had a job and you're
gonna pay us. This is this is you? Asked the phone.
He said, hello, this is Jason. Hey, listen, what's the
deal man? What's going on? You had a gig and
then he lost the gig. Yes, talk to me. Okay,
your friend, what's your birthday? Okay? Okay, so you're a
(01:02:03):
little money. We all got bills. I'm not Jason. Okay,
what is this character? Jason? Jason? Who's on the phone?
Shut up? Jason? Who's on the phone? Is it for me? No?
Shut up, Jason, a little self respect? But I'm not
it's you, Jason, it's you know. Let me give the
(01:02:24):
phone off to somebody else. Hello, Jason, you have a
lot of bills to pay? Okay, Jason does. Jason has
a lot of bills to pay. All I'm saying is
I'm making a call here to say I can make
that easier for you. How I can chop the what
you owe and half do that done? Am I talking
(01:02:45):
to Jason? Now? Jason only Jason can approve this credit slashing. Yeah,
I approve that. Who am I talking to? You're talking
to Jason? Hey, Bud, Gary Gary, can you hold on
a second as the person can me? One said Jason Garrett. Hello,
I need you to say his name at least uh
(01:03:05):
during the conversation, and also see if you can get
the birthday down to from a month to an actual
day right now we just got Okay, so hello Jason. Yeah,
it's me, but it's not Jason. Okay, listen, Hey, I
want to help you. Man. You're my friend. I'm your friend, dude,
where we're friends. I'm the Silvan Night. Okay, you're I'm
a Silvan Night. I made of silver. Your character work
(01:03:28):
is like not terrific, you know what I mean? I
always know it's you. I am the Silvan Night. Oh man,
See now you're doubting yourself. Here's what I want to
do for you, Bud. I want to get your your
your your payments cut in half. Don't you want that?
You owe so much money. Let's get rid of half
of that. Okay, Okay, just tell me your name again.
I know it. Jason. Yeah, Jason, you and I are
(01:03:48):
both born in August. Yeah, all right, you say the
day all said the day I was born? One to do?
Is that work? Does that work? Okay? Great? All right, okay,
and then just one more, one quick thing, just one
quick thing. Um, I'll say myself a security number, and
you say yours. Okay, okay, and go and go, you
(01:04:11):
go first, Okay. I can only really say my real
one for some reason, and I didn't mind. Jason had
to leave. I don't mind to hear it. Well, then
you can you know what I'm done playing. You can
tell Jason I've actually doubled. Whats why? Because friends, friends
who turned their back. Hey, I'm your friend, I'm Jason.
(01:04:34):
All right, Squad squad. When we get the signal, we're
gonna go in and get this Jason character. Hey, we
can't have any deaths this time. We're gonna have to
break up our team destination. As soon as we get
a thumbs up, we gotta kick in that door. We
gotta take Jason. Jason's got a phone around, there's a
(01:04:56):
landline phone. He's that guy right there there. Call us
the squat squad. I could have sworn he said, squat
squad if I said it was an accident were the
swat squad? Well, hold on, are we squatting her swad?
Because that squat title swat s what are did? So
just hang on the phone, hang on the line with me.
(01:05:17):
Count the ten and I'm going to cut your credit
owing in half and tenne hey, this is fun seven six, five,
four three one. Everybody that brings this episode to a
(01:05:40):
conclusion with dead bodies every which way. Let's say thank
you to our chemists I suggested by your mail right
to us. Of course your name here at Alchemy there's
dot com James Heeney, thank you for having me here today.
I was terrible at chemistry in school, but I hope
I'm doing better. Thanks for joining Vanessa Ragland. What do
(01:06:02):
you got for us? Oh? Go to the calendar of
the com We've got a lot of great stuff coming up,
really do it's so exciting. The Bill Burr Show went amazing.
It was great. We got announcements for cool stuff next year.
Talking to calendar stocked Yes, yes, yes, Joe GERSHF Happy
New Year. Follow me on Instagram at at jeby Greeber.
(01:06:27):
I got shows on their stuff happening. Craig Kikowski at
on Twitter spelled like it sounds. Do you have stuff
happening like Joey? Uh not at that one? Yeah. But
Season six of Drunk History premieres in Condy Central mid January.
Just saw ad for it last night. Very excited for
you guys, Chris Chris Alvarado on Instagram and check out
(01:06:51):
season two. Mrs Maisel, I'm very proud of it. By God,
bless you and your family. Doug Bam in the studio,
Doug Bam, engineer, here to the stars and all the
fine folks at I Heart Radio, and the auspice is
here at the studio until next time again right to
us your name here at alchemy this dot com.
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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