A loving grandmother mistakes a visiting demon for her estranged grandson… Fellow flat-earthers meet up at the office of a new dating site dedicated to them… Family and friends surprise a man in his home, insisting he has a unhealthy obsession with his MANY guinea pigs…
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode about this. I'm your host,
Kevin Pollock. Guest that Kevin Pollock, what why? No, I
haven't seen my business partner in several days missing you say,
that's certainly odd? My whereabouts on the seventeenth? I'm afraid
I don't have time to answer your yes. Yes, I
think I will come down to the station this afternoon.
Very well, then, detective around three? Good, but I digress.
(00:25):
Welcome my sleuth and slinkers to another episode of Alchemy. There,
let's meet our alchemist today, shall we, in no particular
order to say hello to Dr James Heeney heenes Ma jeans.
Will you accept Joey Greer is your true savior? I
accepted that a long time. Check out that book. It's
Vanessa Raginnich. If you had to guess, you won't hold
(00:47):
you to it. What is the deal with our engineer?
Doug Babe? Oh evil man? Next on the runway, it's
Chris Alvarado, Chris Almighty? Who are you wearing today? Ye?
Not he who said Hayes. And now please welcome longtime
improviser first time alchelm is Miss Amanda Blake, David Amanda
(01:12):
and or a man, don't what are your summer plans? Oh,
I'm going to fix up my backyard. Let us know
when we can come over and help. Please, And last,
but when you look under the hood, you won't think
him least say hello to returning Alchemist Craig and returning Champion. Uh,
(01:35):
let's see what did I have here? Oh? I got
a clever question for me. Yeah, what I have is
um Sorry, folks told us he's running a little late today,
will join us mid episode, and we're super excited to
have him back, so I didn't want to leave him
out during the intro. You really did? You played me
like a fiddle. All right, let's get to our first scene,
(01:56):
shall we. All of today's scene suggestions were gathered from
our listeners email they would like to submit yours. Please
write to the podcast at your name here at alchemy
this dot com. That's your name here at alchemy this
dot com. I first scene comes from Jessica Plumber, who wrote, Hey, Alchemist,
I listened to a range of podcasts and you are
the first one I'm writing to. Yea, yea. She goes
(02:21):
on to complain love the show, y'all hilarious, YadA, YadA all. Right,
I have an idea. This is based off a story
I read. A grandmother is virtually blind. It can only
see blurry images in shapes. Her grandson doesn't visit often,
so she can't quite remember what he looks like. A
demon has been assigned to haunt her. However, when he
(02:41):
enters the house and starts his haunting, the almost blind
grandmother thinks the demon is in fact her a strange grandson.
She's making food for him, talking to him as if
the demon were her grandson. Example, oh my much bigger,
all right, no examples. The demon begins to feel bad
(03:03):
and pretends to be the grandson. Take whatever liberties you
like be on that of course, Thank you so much,
and as usually, have lots of fun with it and
let your imagination go. Wow. I love the show. Hope
you can alchemy this. Thanks Jessica Plumber. Where's pot? Pot?
(03:23):
Where are you? It's the remote now, damn it. Hello, Hi,
I'm calling for Mrs Sorenson. R Mrs Sorenson's my mother.
Oh okay, um are you hi? I'm just kidding. Hello, Hello, Hi?
(03:48):
Are you happy with your Oh? Great? So lonely? Oh shoot, okay,
have a nice way. Oh me again with me again? Ling, bling,
bling bling? Who says that? Bring bling? Hello? Yes, hello?
(04:12):
Are you aware that you are still are eligible for
new roofing? No, this is wonderful news. What's your name? Larry? Oh, Larry?
I had a love her name Larry twice? Who am
I speaking to that? The same Larry? Different Larry, Mrs
Sorenson r Are you yes? It's very sad, Larry. Was
(04:35):
this a recent event? It was recent in my heart,
but it was four and a half years ago. Next Tuesday.
What was his name? His name was Elbe? That's right.
Where did Elbe hail from? Elb hailed from Michigan? Honey,
nothing like a Michigan man, Am I right? Larry? Keep talking? Well,
(04:57):
in Michigan they have cold winters in the min His
lips get chats. Sell the goddamn roof, Sell the goddamn mooves, Larry.
There's a problem with the connection, Darling. Yes, so, as
I mentioned, we have roofing available at discount. There's a
problem with the connection. That is a weird sound is
that in your office? It might be listen is your
(05:20):
office getting hot? My house is getting hot? Larry? All right, Larry,
don't hang up please, Larry, house is getting so hot.
Do you see any flames? I don't see any flames,
but I don't see much of anything these days, Larry,
What does that mean? My eyes side? I used to
(05:43):
see it all. I used to paint watercolor, Larry. Grandmother, grandmother? Hello, grandmother? Hello.
The front door was open, so I just came in.
Is it really you? Oh, it's really me? Come here?
Oh on who? It's so hard in here? John? Larry
(06:04):
talked to Larry John, Larry, my friend MS needs to
get off the phone right but we have this deal
right now. Grandma, why would you hang up? Or Larry?
I just felt like we don't get enough time together,
just getting to know Larry. Larry is a roofing guy.
(06:24):
I'm sure. Did you know Larry was a roofing guy?
Did you know that you talk so loud on the phone, Grandma?
I could hear you down the street almost cut you
open with my pairing knife. Put that pairing knife down,
I'd rather not. Okay, I brought you soup and oh
(06:46):
well I don't need a knife for so okay, Okay, here, dear,
aren't you wow? I just feel like you just keep
getting younger. Well, that's a nice, since range thing to
say to your grandmother. Why did you say a thing
like that? I just it just feels like so long
(07:06):
since we've seen each other, and I am just so
excited to be here. I'm excited to have you has
been a while. Why do you think I'm getting younger?
I'm getting saggier and baggy. My eyelids are drooping solather
on my cheeks right now. No, no, no, that's it
looks fantastic. I guess it's just what's that word for
(07:28):
self image problems? In correct? Self image? More just more failure?
Do you hear that? Excuse me? Well, I freeze time, Jonathan,
May I speak to you for a moment. What the
hell is going up? You have one job to do,
(07:51):
one job, and you're down here complimenting you to do
some hunting. You know? If I just try to get
her to sign something in blood right here and no
she never saw you. You have five minutes, Grandma. I
(08:18):
used to have three cats, then I had five and
got a couple of I had no cats. Now I
have no cats. That's a bummer, Grandma. Have you ever
heard a math problem like that? Honestly, kind what happened
to the cats. Well, my guess this is that while
(08:38):
you seem to live forever, your cats have a mortality
rate of drown. Um, Grandma Derek, You're not a door
to door salesman. You're a door to door ghostbuster. You
offer a service that people need, people want. Yeah, but
business has been slow lately because you don't believe and
(08:58):
I know I bust ghosts, but I don't believe in ghosts.
That's the problem. And by the way, we can all
feel it, we can all tell. You can't just go
to the motions and saying the words, you know, spirit, spirit,
get out, damn spirit. You've got to really see the spirits.
I just don't believe that ghosts are real. I don't
believe that ghosts. People don't know demons, demons. Okay, we
(09:18):
know demons are around, but ghosts also hot. Listen, I'm
your boss, but I'm also your friend, so I'm gonna
let that last uh statement slide. Okay, knock on this
door and do your best. I just hate cold calling.
I mean, what are the what are the chances that
a demon would be currently haunting this house? The demon
or ghost it's so hot and he helped me take off, Grandma.
(09:41):
It seems take okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, this seems
a lot crueler. It's not that. What is that? It's
the door. I'll look at the door. You just signed
this paper. Here, it's gonna get you. One hold on
(10:03):
my second, Grandma, get your door. Grandma, I'm gonna go
get the door. You just signed this paper. I'm just
gonna sit here in my skin for a minute. I'll
be right back, you know. Hello, Hi, Hi, how you doing.
(10:29):
We weren't expecting any Larry, Larry. No, Hi man, I'm
Derek from demon Busters from Nave. Excuse me. I'm sure
it's nothing you haven't seen before. I'm sorry, Derek. We've
already got our come in. I mean you already have
(10:49):
a demon Buster. I'm pretty much the only one in town.
Demon Buster demon Buster case some soup. My grandson brought
it for me. I don't know. I see some alphabets
and it's so I'm guessing it's alphabets. I hope it's alfa.
Please don't sit down on the couch. Sure, well, I'm
(11:10):
just gonna make myself comfortable for a little bit. Have
you noticed any strange occurrences. Well, I can't remember what
appliance makes what sound anymore. My eyelids are on my
cheeks right about now, and Larry and I was just
getting intimate and then it all fell upon always was
the guy on the phone from the roughing Always follows apart,
(11:33):
doesn't it, Derrick? That's strange. Yeah, I mean if you've noticed,
like any you know, hot flashes, as if the pitfires
of hell have opened up in at because of the
warmth in here? Do you feel the war? I do
feel a little bit of a Warranth. So you're her grandson,
her grandson. Her circulation is terrible if we I don't
(11:54):
think that's true. My doctor hasn't mentioned my son. Your
memory is failing your grand grand you know. Come on,
Mrs Sons. And your door was wide open, opened it, honey,
but we hadn't closed in honey. Well, it was wide open,
and I just I found myself, well your naked, I'm
(12:15):
a naked would you like to join me? This is Betty. Everyone,
I've got to take the bus in a nomination to
get naked friends. Betty, two boys. I'm a man, I'm
a I'm young though I'm a I'm a local demon buster,
all Derek, you can have my grandson. Well, that doesn't
(12:37):
look at anything like the pictures you have your grandson,
doesn't it. My eyelids are on my cheeks right about now?
All the pictures you're having a grandson, you probably look
like you want some super I'm sorry to leave this, Derek.
You're not going anywhere me pull a knife on you.
(12:58):
Don't you take that? What do you see before your eyes?
Is it a man with patchy blonde hair and a
big funny nose. The nose is funny, the patchy hair
doesn't It doesn't look anything like it. It wasn't its hair,
its eyes. It's a way too far apart, like a
fish that wasn't what jobs and had? His eyes were
(13:18):
far too crossed together for one eye. Yes, are you
in fact a human, sir? And not? You have to
tell us what's going? Well? Sorry, if you could play
help me out, I would. Oh guess you have to
(13:39):
chip in and shave day? Oh yeah, I don't come
with your time, I must What do you want with three?
That was it? That's all I wanted? Are you a
human or a demon? Sir? Derek answered? Derek would a demon.
Dump this the soup down a stroke like whatever? Why
(14:07):
am I? Is the soup coming out of him? It
will in a second demon react to this. Holy, what's happening? Okay,
you've got a full on demon infestation. What's happening? This
is not your grandson, ma'am. I'm terribly sorry that about
(14:27):
the lizard as I'm not sure that Betty is actually
your neighbor either. Yea, how is that they do? Did
Betty melt? Hello? High grandma? Oh? Kill him? Kill him? No,
(14:52):
I'm sorry. Normally that he would just vaporize if this
were a demon. I think this must be your real grandson,
that one you have made me more powerful. I'm not
sure if you ever had a real grandson. I'm not either, Derek,
give me out of here. We can set the house
(15:15):
on fire. It's fine, you want to set the house.
That's only one get rid of me. And I don't
know why I'm going to tell you anyway, is if
you find true love me. Yeah, that's what I've always
been looking for, homie. Well, it doesn't look like you're
about to go to kiss me. That a relationship. Okay,
(15:41):
I'll cover myself up with a throw pillow. First, I
don't kissing you will will it will come? I didn't.
I didn't. Wow, that was surprisingly easy. Means you met
true love Derek, because it does. What a funny ending,
he sweetheart? How was work? You know, just typical day? Okay,
(16:04):
I made you some sausages. Oh nice, thank you? Give
me one second? Did you tell her? Wait? Is this
the yeah, that's a good spot. Oh my goodness. Somehow
(16:25):
she found her way over to Derek's apartment. The only
demon seven seven busses to get to Derek's apartment, but
she made it. Oh that's beautiful. Well then you're welcome,
Jessica Plumber. Alright. Our second scene comes from Philip, who
(16:49):
wrote high Alchemist, loving your show, and I'm super happy
I can now crack up to you on the Metro
twice a week so people can give me even more
weird looks. I have recently watched the crazy documentary about
flat earthers on the popular streaming side. I don't wish
to promote, and I was wondering if you could spin
up one about a couple being matched through a flat
(17:11):
Earth dating site. Forever yours fill up from Vienna, the
one in Europe fancy likes. Let's see what do I like?
What do I like? Um? I like snacks, snacks um,
(17:34):
things that bring me joy, thinks bring me joy? Um,
proving like proving that the world is flash If you
could just fill this out silently. There are a lot
of people in the office that are filling out. There's
perfectly silently, Okay, in trouble, No, it's just this a
dating place. Every way. Everyone hears everyone in this room
(17:54):
is filling out their own surface. Well, then I could
just walk up to one. Don't do that. Why am
I waiting for anything online? It's a matter of cordial
like what are you looking at? Buddy? Um? Just I
don't know. Some hands here for the same purpose, right,
I can't define love with a fellow flat earth. That's
(18:15):
and that's why I'm here. That's why I'm here. Listen,
you are breaking rules. You're supposed to connect online. There
are no rules. There was one rule that told us
that the world was round, and we broke that rule,
didn't we. Yeah, okay, I just had a question a
questions I do, but I just really okay, yes, I'm
just having it, Like why are we here? Well, now,
(18:38):
that's why are we at corporate because I'm not supposed
to be talking to people. But there's a guy that's
sucking me and I'd like to talk to him. Well,
you're just supposed to fill out your survey and then
you guys connect with each other afterwards, like online. That's
what I thought. Oh my god, that's weird. Well, so
there's another guy, I fucking sid Oh there's a shadowy government,
you know, watching over the too much? Can I seek?
(19:04):
Please keep talk? Thank you. I'm on the way, Tim. Uh, yeah,
how's it going out there? They just keep wanting to
cut the middleman out there and talk to you. Well,
they're trying to talk to each other, but there several
we're talking to you. I noticed. Well, and then you
said something about the dark web. Well, just the shadowy
government that you've been working here, Tim, I don't three weeks.
(19:28):
It was like six weeks. I'm almost full time. It's
if we go much longer, it's going to be illegal
to call me a independent contractor. Okay, Well, then let's
go back to the rules that you agreed to when
you took the job. Jesus, one of what you would
be maybe not mentioned the dark web. Well, they were
wondering why they're not allowed to just talk to each other.
Were they did they share that with you? How? That's
(19:49):
exactly what they said because I said. So. What I'm
saying is, look at the Okay, look at this glass
of water. Okay, where's the curvature? You're right, I didn't
see it. Where Like if there was a curve to
the to the to the globe, we would see it.
I supposed to be talking. I'm sorry. I'm not trying
to break anything up for now. I try to, like
I try to talk to you earlier, but then you
made it very clear that someone else is looking at you.
(20:11):
So no, I'm not jealous, Okay, I'm just jos I'm
trying to answer the essay question. My pencil broke. Does
anybody have a sharpener? A pencil sharpener? President sharpener on
the wall. You didn't need to ask, Hey, what's your problem?
I don't have a problem. I'm not jealous. Okay. Do
(20:33):
you believe that the earth is flat? Okay, so then
we're all how would I even be standing up right
now if it was round? That's what I'm saying exactly.
I'm beaten by dragons. I don't know if that's part
of it. There be dragons, Okay, okay, I believe in
dragons as well. Listen, I implied that I believe in dragons.
(20:57):
I'm not jealous of you, but I said so. It's
like i've we also believe in dragons. I would I
would like to get out of here. I was. I
was actually not too keen on coming here in the
first place. So um, yeah, anytime we could get out
of here, well, let's walk towards the horizon not too far.
That is funny. I'm Melanie, I'm Tobias, and we found love.
(21:22):
You suckers. Good luck. We're supposed to be talking. We
can't talk. You can't talk, so I think that makes
this I am. Yeah, this was really wonderful meeting everybody.
But it looks like we've we found each other. Yeah,
I feel like not yet, Like what did you guys
get for? For a question number four? And I circled
(21:45):
the cone. Okay, what the hell is going on in here?
Nothing you are sharing your answers were just we paired
up already. We found you. Guys are trying to keep
the peace. But it didn't happen. And I'm not pointing
fingers at her, but well she just literally pointed her Fingerlanie. Alright, right,
(22:07):
everybody calmed down. I'm going to flex some authority here.
I'm not going to let Tobias and Melanie go to Oh.
I'm pretty much the I'm to walk out of this building.
We can do whatever we want to do. And speaking
of which, there is a cruise that leaves tonight. What's
your name, Toby, Toby and Tobias weird? Weird? My name
(22:29):
is Meland and her name is Melanie. Okay, So which
one am I with? The d or the knee? You
were with the knee, yes, and you're with Tobias. Me,
that's a different one. Was actually maybe it was the
cloak this clip pork fill this out privately to shirt.
(22:52):
I'll be damn hey, yeah, yeah, I notice you were
teeming people up out there. Well, they were matching them up,
just breaking the teams that they were making for themselves.
That it works, right, It's not how it works. You're
you're Not's not part of your job title at all
is to match people up, right. The office takes care
of that. You're you're a greater, You're administrator, but please
(23:14):
have nothing to do with the why don't you take
care of you? I fucking quit can deal with them.
It's anarchy out there. Here's my batch. Do you know what?
This is? The go get attitude that I've been looking
for since you got here. Take initiative, not get out
there and show the moose boss. Yes, the only Why
(23:36):
don't you? They told you she's just like it's her,
it's it's her. I just I just think that Tobias
and I we're vibing. I can see that, totally vibing.
But you know, rules are rules, and so we were parat.
What were you saying about a cruise Well, just that
(23:57):
there's one that leaves. I'm instantly suspicious. How far does
it go? Okay, to the end of the earth. That's
the point. Yes, yeah, it leaves tonight. Which cruise line
is this? There are we cruise lane and cl it's
the jam specifically the jam is the ship. But here's
the best names. Look at this. We all believe place.
(24:25):
What's up? Ticket place? I thought this was just like
you walk on right. That's hilarious. I'll need to see
a ticket in I'd like to buy a ticket with cash.
I don't want to be trapped government. There's a ticket,
teeth filling. What's happening here? Are you people together? Maybe
we're figuring it out. Okay, Well, when you get yourself
some tickets and come on board. Okay, we love to
(24:47):
come on. Now, what's your name? To be? Your name
is to be as in or not to be? Well, listen,
we'd love to come on. Love your necklace. Thank you
so much. It's the ship. Um, all four of you
(25:08):
are there? Yeah, I am here. Oh hello, No, this
is just a weird day for me. Can you tell
us what the itinerary of this cruise is? I could
certainly tell you. Yes. Day one we'll go out to
see three meals and dancing and a show, magic show.
We're excited about Timothy the Glorious. And then when you
hit the glass plane again, when you hit the glass plane,
(25:30):
just the ship just bounce off and then start sending
back the way that it came. You lost me a
glass plane. Well, there's a giant glass plane where it
can be real with us. We know what does it?
You know? We get it. We get it at the
end of the earth. Yes, I'm sorry. I hadn't heard
(25:51):
it called the glass plane before. That's what it's called. Okay,
you're not active in the blog. Oh you guys are
from the internet. I'm sorry. Real relife, honey, as hard
as you can. Okay. Oh that's all I got. Not bad,
not bad? All right, Well then listen, I'm gonna let
(26:12):
you through. But there are some other people that are
certainly gonna ask for tickets at some point. So you're charming,
you're wonderful. I say, let's do it. You know there's
there's gonna be a few more opportunities. Are people gonna
insist on some tickets and maybe buy them at some point?
And if if the turtle that carries around the world
gets tired, does the ship stop moving? Question? What's the
(26:36):
turtle's name? I don't know the turtle's name. It doesn't happen.
How big must this turtle be? Well, it's larger than
the world. When you say the world, you mean the
flat plane? Yes, okay. And you see a turtle pulling
that flat plane, Well he's holding. It's the holding turtle.
(26:59):
I heard turtles all the way down. I heard pulling.
Got confused, you're talking about the holding turtle. Yes, so
wrench me again. I didn't even feel it that. Wow,
I must be losing my strength from Moll's stocking. We're
not holding anyone else up, No, still waiting for the
other passengers. You guys are about a day early. I mean,
(27:20):
I'm I'm excited you're joining us, but yep, yep, it's
just us for now. Okay, so this is our cabin.
Now listen. I know you're you don't want to be
with me. I know you want to be with Tobias.
You know, I kind of feel like we've we've come
a long way. I feel the same way since the survey.
I feel the same way you don't. Oh look there's
a swan. There's a monkey in the bathroom. Oh that's funny.
(27:46):
That's funny. Well, there seems to only be one bad
I don't know we're going to do about I can
bring in another band. Actually, were trying, though. You do
want the one bed that you're pretending you don't want
the one I've seen that before. Okay, we're all out
(28:06):
of bed wink part of me. Um. I know you
work here, but of course, do you also believe? I believe? Yeah? Okay,
thank you? Why are we what's up? What are we
believing in about earth? I believe about the earth. Okay, evening,
this is your captain speaking. We have very excited to
(28:30):
have you join us on the sort to day cruise
around the world thirty day cruise around the world. In
case you're repeating that now, I just want to confirm
it for you. The first couple of days we're going
to be at sea as we crossed the Atlantic and
then head over into Scandinavia when we're going to be
going to Oslow in Stockholm and Copenhagen. This so it's
(28:55):
nice and didn't carry on to Italian Estonia. We might
head up into the Arctic for a little bit. When
do we d glass plane. We have some viewing of
some glaciers, some polar bears there, and we went to
sail around down through the Mediterranean, around the Horn of Africa.
(29:15):
I'm skipping ahead a little bit here, but a little
really hit by the coast of Australia and New Zealand,
and then class plane we'll go through the Panama Canal
and then eventually make our way back to New York City.
I don't think this makes sense. I feel like at
some point we would have fallen off. I don't think
(29:38):
it all checks out. Hey, Hey, I like how many
crab legs you've got on that plates, many crablegs on
that plate as a crab family? Does it a crab
family reunion? When you're eating corpses? Just own it. Okay,
we're bigger than them. I feel full. You were on
(30:01):
the boat alone. I take this cruise over a year
by myself. Oh, I came with a group, but we're
not hitting it off. I've only got one bed and here,
So is that what you're I wasn't, John, I was
going to sleep on the lido next o. Never mind.
(30:23):
I thought that was a proposition you were. It was
more like, let's get to know each other. That's what
cruisers are for. You're not familiar. I'm not. This is
my first cruise. I've always been afraid on you know,
into space or whatever on those cruise right. Yeah, Well,
if you go too far you'll fall off into space.
(30:45):
So I've always thought, you know what, I'll stay in Tampa.
But I don't know. I don't know what your your
bat ship? Crazy? What's your name? I can see your
nipple piercings through your tank to look at that when
I was drunk. How old are you too old for this? No?
(31:05):
Not can I get either of you anymore ice tea, yes, please?
All right, she's not actually in my room, so in
your room. I don't put talking about the room. Don't don't.
This is your millionth cruise. It's free, free, The ice
is free, am I correct? Inclusive in a way. Yeah,
so you're not going to pay for it? Okay? Sorry.
(31:30):
The other diners are wondering if there's an issue with
some kind for you volume volume maybe from this table,
from this turbo. He got loud. You keep yelling about
your room, and on the other di you're misunderstanding. I
just she said that there wasn't working out with who
(31:50):
she was at, and I said, I only have one bed.
He jumped right to that. That's how I was going.
I don't, okay, but I never do. I mean, we're
just floating on this plate right, we're spinning on a frisbee. Captain.
Permission to enter the bridge, Captain. It's been brought to
my attention that a lot of the guests here believe
(32:12):
that we are going to uh uh um come up
to a glass plane, glass blink at some point. They
think we're gonna we're gonna hit something. Why would we
hit something? Well, because some of them, not me, but
some of them think that the earth is flat. Brittany,
(32:33):
what what is going on? I'm confused, if I'm being honest,
do you think that we're not really sailing around the world.
I don't know anymore. Captain, Captain, captain, permission to enter
the bridge? Permission grant? Great, Britney's here, I'm here, great, great, Um,
there's just a problem in the dining hall. Okay, but
I have a problem right here. Okay, Well, there's a
(32:54):
problem in the dining okay. There is a chain of
co d on the ship. You know, I don't need
to know everything that's going on. There's managers for the restaurants,
like I'm mostly responsible for sailing the ship, okay, but
there was like a guy who's permission, bridge permission. Claire,
(33:16):
there you are, I'm managing the floor by myself. Now, okay, Well, Whitney,
you know, figure it out. I was trying to, but
then I was alone, and then I thought, where would Claire?
I got taddling to the captain. I see what's going on,
control captain, and see what's going on here? Captain. Captain
is dicking all of us, Claire, Brittany what's going on,
(33:38):
Captain Dickie? Permission to enter the bridge? Permission grunted? Uh, sir,
there's a toilet out, and sweet, I don't. I don't
need to know that. Look, I don't need to know
that the toilets are out. I don't need to know
about the fight in the dining room. I don't need
to know that the short for menprev show was canceled tonight.
It is? It is? I did I did hear that?
By the way, I was really looking? Or do you
(34:00):
think we should incorporate butterflies into the napkin folding? Sure?
Sure do. Over half of the people on this ship
believe that the Earth is flat, and if I'm being honest,
I'm starting to think it is as well. So i
need a little help because I'm freaking out here. Wait, Brittany,
are you getting dicked by the captain? Yes? Did you
know that? Claire? I mean, I had suspicions, but I
(34:23):
didn't know, and show in my own world they had
no idea. Swear to God, you're right. I didn't know.
I promised No, I did not know. Are you getting dicked?
I'm not getting dicked by no? But are you sure
that Welsh guy. I wish, wish, I keep doing double
on to andreis to him, he's not picking. What do
we just hit? Captain? I don't know. This is strange.
(34:45):
Who we appeared to hit a giant glass plane. Make
an announcement. Make an announcement, passengers. We just appeared to
have just slightly slightly bumped an enormous glass business is it?
(35:06):
Oh my god, it appears that the turtle that holds
the earth is tired. Oh give me one of those crabs.
I love being right hungry. Another news. The short form
improv show just canceled tonight. That would definitely be other news.
(35:33):
As you slightly hit the glass plane gently, I think
was the term, let's finish things up. Our third scene
is from Julia monk Er. Oh, dear Alchemy, this crew,
if you choose my suggestion, I'm not sure what I'll
be more excited about hearing y'all acted out or hearing
(35:57):
the melifolius voice of Kevin Polack say my namely. Ever,
I started watching Marvelous Mrs Maisiel listening to Alchemy this
ironically around the same time. Is that ironic? Your voice
has followed me everywhere and I'm not done, Julia Monk,
(36:20):
look in your office quickly. Excuse me, sorry, I add
something in my suggestion is a man is confronted by
his friends and family about his ever growing number of
adopted guinea pigs. You're all brilliant minds and are disturbed
in all the right ways. Thanks, you've felt the animals,
Julia Monk, listen when Larry gets here. I think you
(36:42):
know it's not a surprise party thing where we all
just jump up from mind account. Let's take a boat
who wants to jump up from behind the couch and
say a surprise. I'm like to know everyone seems into it,
started off in a happy way. I just want to
confuse the issue him thinking it's goal like surprise, you
have a problem, so right off the bat that effect.
(37:05):
I think confusing the issue will be helpful, you know,
like muscle confusion when you're trying to get emotional confusion.
Is this going to affect your personal relationship with him
most definitely? And you're willing to throw that away? Yeah,
I'm pretty sure it's over now. Who can to adopt
some of the guinea pigs? Obviously we need to take
(37:26):
some of these out of here. Just let him go,
let him go. Well again, they're going to die on
their own. These are these guinea pigs arrival of the
fittest Steve, how many times have we talked about that.
It's just that my dad thinks of them as like
family members. Well that's the problem, Steve, that's the problem.
They're not people. Okay, they're not people. Say we're people.
(37:48):
There's too many people living in this house. Your dad
loves most of those guinea pigs more than he loves you.
What's the true He's told us a number of occasions. Look,
i'm your uncle. You know, I'm your cool uncle, but
I don't like you can take your sunglasses after come
on now, he loves that more than he loves you,
and that's why we're doing this. But remember first it's surprised,
(38:10):
and then it's you've got you've got a problem, and
as you're not cool, aunt, I just you're cool. I'm
not cool. That was cool one. Look at you. It's
an accident. I caught it on fire. Yah, put the
sunglasses on. Let me say no, come on you guys,
(38:32):
I love you. D get out of here. I'm hiding here.
How nice? I love kidney pig? Something like Danny pigs.
Oh do do do? Do do? Where are my keys?
Looking for my keys? These are the wrong ones looking
(38:53):
for the keys. Okay, cramping up? Shan't wait to be
the guinny pigs? What doesn't this key word cold? K
heading back out to the Okay, so when he gets here, remember,
it's surprised you have a problem. I need a new
hiding place. The table is too low. Also, I think
(39:16):
that we should Um, I've written something down. Did you
all write something down? Why don't you start? We're supposed to.
You should start if you wrote something down? Okay, Well,
surprised you have a problem? And then you jump? Mom?
Did you say that after the things we're going to
be over between you? And definitely maybe we don't need
to get rid of the guinea pigs? Then I don't
want to look. It's time for you to learn a
(39:40):
hard life lesson? Okay? Should we We're already here, We're
already here. You know, sometimes in life things don't work out. Okay,
that's true. Okay, And sometimes you know, you marry a
man who like to finger bang in the car, right
and then and he changes into a man who doesn't
(40:02):
look in the eye and spends more of his time
at Petco just hoarding guinea. You found my keys. I
found my keys in the car, open in the door.
Now going to see mcguinnys where I'm a guinny. You
have a problem, you have a problem. What's everybody doing here?
(40:29):
A god? That's so embarrassing. You heard me singing and rapping.
I loved it. That was a great, great song. You
were saying, I don't think there is rapping. Yeah, it wasn't.
I'm with Gina. That wasn't rapping. Give us an example
of rapping then. Okay, Now from the time for this
I went to friends. Yeah, that's exactly what I was doing.
(40:50):
Are you saying that I have a problem rapping? Is that?
I'm glad you picked up on the intervention thing? Daddy?
Think you shut up? What we got to read our
letters is going to go first. I have a seat, buddy.
You want a cold one? Yeah, let's get you cold,
get you dead of beer? Okay, Like I don't want
(41:12):
to beer, but I will have a cold one. Okay,
cold tepsode Okay, I'll be back. What is wrote some
time for you? I wrote something for you. We're here
because we love you. Let's start there. You guys, we
do love you. We want to get specific about our love.
So Charles, okay, take it away, bro. I can't imagine
what this could be bro man, my bro ski, my
(41:34):
little bro bro establishing the connection my brother from the
same mother. Where do I we can get to it.
I'm seriously at a loss as to what this could
be about. I've wrote a couple of pages. Okay, all right,
I'm gonna jump right to it, right, I want jump
right to it. You love you? Okay? You? Wow, that
(41:57):
is a cold one. Feel cold when we have a
boy you have chosen to love a guinea pigs? Yes? More,
what then you've chosen chosen? I think that works? Did
you not only your family but yourself? Oh that's a
(42:18):
good one of the well. I had no idea that
this would be what this would be about. Think back on, Charles. Note,
and I also think that that's an offensive use of piggyback.
I think I think you're supposed to just let everybody
get out what they need to and then you'll be
allowed to speak an intervention. Gina, I wrote it down.
(42:44):
Hold on, sweetheart, your guinea pig obsession has affected session negatively.
In the following way negatively. I no longer you're easing
that pig pretty hard. I am no longer able to
(43:05):
get off in our love making. When we say you are,
you say you're getting off. I have to lie otherwise
you lay in bed on top of me. I have
sixteen guinea pigs just writhing around and crevices that I
don't need those guinea pigs. Your parents are very good communicators.
(43:25):
Does the fingerbank portion need to be longer? Or is
that I handled the guineas before I finger bang you?
Or you know it's someone who's never been finger bangs.
Oh no, my sister, my sister, my sister in law.
(43:46):
It still would feel weird. I don't know. Let's have
any finger bang. I'm years you have known me for
Maybe you'd be the right person. I'm just saying, no,
please continue. Am I going to learn about finger bang? Right?
You don't have to worry about that until high school?
Everything is okay, fine, But as soon as high school starts,
(44:08):
worry about it, okay, whatever you will, you will be
preoccupied with it. Can I ask a question real quick?
Are you aware how many guinea pigs you have? Yea, well,
almost one forever US state. This is one of the problems.
It's seventy three. You're not even aware the baby since
(44:29):
for work this morning, So you count them before you
leave the high I do. I count them everybot this morning.
How high can you count? Yeah, we've found the problem.
You just quickly established your relationship here. I'm his employer. Yeah. Sorry, no,
(44:50):
it just felt like I run the bank. Yeah, you're
like part of the business partner. I was here waiting
for you to come home, pretty salad, valued employee. We
made a great deal to the bank. I love my job.
We care very much about you. Clearly your family has
their own concerns, but professionally speaking, you're out of control.
(45:12):
I mean, there's so many things that I I know
I have faults, but I didn't think it would have
anything to do with my guineas. This is gonna be
a little unorthodox, a little weird. But um maybe if
we have them him named them, well, I think they
are named in like a roll call. Well Gorman, he
has something to say, Gorman. Yeah, Well, well, I I
(45:38):
wrote down in the voice of what I think Gorman
would say. That's creative. That's my little man. I learned.
It's called on Amana learned that in high school on
a fingerback. I think it's anthropomorphs, yep, that's the one.
(46:00):
I think that's when you give a living quality to
a non living or is it just a human quality?
What does Gorman want to say? Well, okay, it says
to your daddy the guinea pig things. That's damn well.
I think that they all think they are my kids. Yeah,
more my kids than a real kid one dad. There's
(46:23):
so many of me and my brothers and sisters that
I think that you forget about some of us, specifically Stephen.
I don't think Gorman would be that concerned about you.
It probably doesn't care Steen. Uh. First of all, very
impressive that you wrote this down. I have only gotten.
But I have to ask, uh, what you've written here
is what you think the guinea pigs want to say
(46:45):
to your father? Um? Well, yeah, okay, so why don't
you just tell your father what you're feelings? Creative? But
but I see what you're honestly the only things at
the end, it's signed upy Gorman, and I guess I
could have assigned it myself. Dad. I think that there's
so many guinea pigs and you've only got so much love,
(47:10):
enough love to go around for every one. That's what
it feels like. Mom says that this is going to
be the end of your guys thing in that where
I'm going to be, Well, you're going to be right
here in the guineas. I don't meet. It's a little unorthodox.
I don't mean to go with it. I you guys
know I'm good in my hands, right, I build it.
(47:32):
But yeah, you're a builder of a builder. Yeah, I've
built this little what's the word called when together make
(47:52):
a yee sound. I built this guillotine. And I think
it's important for you to off what the no that
you don't feed them for a couple of days. They
will eat the young. It's important that I don't. I'm
(48:13):
on the record is saying no thanks. One guinea pig
at random always been very jealous of it too much.
That's the only one I feel attached to because we've
been talking about it so much that which one? Which
one do you feel comes in between your you and
(48:36):
your husband's relationship? Well, I think Steve hit it. That
performed biblical Yeah, I have the father um killed the
son that he really loves to save the son that's
really his son, and that's from that is that is
what were those brothers, oh Abraheim and Elisha. If you
(49:02):
love your son, kill my son. Well you know, I'll
leave it up to you. You can kill either either
or Steve. I'm gonna kill Steve. I'm sorry, son is
just too You'll have to do something else. Can cut off.
(49:30):
You're never gonna have a meaningful relationship with that without
a finger to bang, or maybe before you come back
to work at the bank. You see, what's happened here
is your family loves you so much they went ahead
and provided you an example of just how out of
proportion the problem is. You've just chosen to kill your
own flesh and blood before one of your forty seven
(49:50):
or seventy three guinea pigs. I just feel like this
is something that my real family would never do to me.
Wait a minute, which family are all humans? Right? And
that concludes the guinea pig wars? Poor Gorman? Uh yeah,
(50:20):
I'd like to think that Steve grew up to be
a hell of a banker banger. Also, let's thank your
commissition no particular order, um, Chris Alvarado. Yeah, you're welcome.
Thank you so much. Thank you. I hope it was
worth the eight bucks. It was okay to the listeners,
Kevin poul charge me eight dollars. Yeah, but still it's
(50:42):
worth it, so worth it, Okay, Vanessa, I can thank
you so much for joining us today. Thanks for having me.
It's always a pleasure. What's coming up at the Dynasty
Tart We just go to the website check it out
typewriter dot com. But we're coming up. Maybe we've already
come up. It was a great we came up. It
was show. What a great show for coming out. I
(51:02):
remember that time. Yeah, yeah, and Craig took his shirt off,
which was really well it was asked by the fans,
so what choice did he, Craig Akaki. Thank you so much, sir.
Welcome back to these United States. Good to be back.
I'm gonna give you three bucks for today's show. What
(51:23):
you want in the in the Hopper James Heeneman brand
new series. It's called This Rusher Thing, This Russia, Russia
John Bolton. It sounds like you said Rusher, but that's
what it's called. It's a book by John Bolton and
(51:43):
you can find it on the real James Heene's YouTube channel.
That's me. Well, I like every squirre inch of that.
And thank you miss Amanda Blake Davis. Thank you please
come back will for our very next show. As a
matter of fact, it would be great. Yeah. And where
where's your folks? Looks to find any of your shows
or we come on out and see hey Day. Oh yes,
(52:07):
Heyda plays at the west Side. Everybody, Yes, the west
Side uh Comedy Theater every other Monday. Go to west
Side Comedy dot com and look for those debts. The
name of the group is Heyday, Hey Day. Two words
one word one. I thought so. And let's thank the
engineer to the stars, Mr Doug Baine. Thank you, Doug.
(52:29):
Uh he just gave us a big thumbs up. I
think he likes us and our finger with it. Sound
design artist Raphael Britto, our producer Sophie Lichterman, thank you
so very very much. And lastly, of course, our dear
overlords at the Heart Media, we thank you for the
auspices and the support. Uh we'll give thanks. At this moment,
(52:51):
I think to the loss of Joey Greer, just to today,
just for today, I mean, he's still with us humanly.
I want to encourage all of you to write a
review if you would please. It really helps UM let
people know about us, apparently, tell everyone you've ever met
that's not going to hurt and right to us is
(53:11):
always your name here at alchemy this dot com. Your
name here at alchemy this dot com so that we
can continue to use your scene suggestions for our impropositions.
I'm Kevin, polling your host until next time.
Welcome back to another episode about this. I'm your host,
Kevin Pollock. Guest that Kevin Pollock, what why? No, I
haven't seen my business partner in several days missing you say,
that's certainly odd? My whereabouts on the seventeenth? I'm afraid
I don't have time to answer your yes. Yes, I
think I will come down to the station this afternoon.
Very well, then, detective around three? Good, but I digress.
(00:25):
Welcome my sleuth and slinkers to another episode of Alchemy. There,
let's meet our alchemist today, shall we, in no particular
order to say hello to Dr James Heeney heenes Ma jeans.
Will you accept Joey Greer is your true savior? I
accepted that a long time. Check out that book. It's
Vanessa Raginnich. If you had to guess, you won't hold
(00:47):
you to it. What is the deal with our engineer?
Doug Babe? Oh evil man? Next on the runway, it's
Chris Alvarado, Chris Almighty? Who are you wearing today? Ye?
Not he who said Hayes. And now please welcome longtime
improviser first time alchelm is Miss Amanda Blake, David Amanda
(01:12):
and or a man, don't what are your summer plans? Oh,
I'm going to fix up my backyard. Let us know
when we can come over and help. Please, And last,
but when you look under the hood, you won't think
him least say hello to returning Alchemist Craig and returning Champion. Uh,
(01:35):
let's see what did I have here? Oh? I got
a clever question for me. Yeah, what I have is
um Sorry, folks told us he's running a little late today,
will join us mid episode, and we're super excited to
have him back, so I didn't want to leave him
out during the intro. You really did? You played me
like a fiddle. All right, let's get to our first scene,
(01:56):
shall we. All of today's scene suggestions were gathered from
our listeners email they would like to submit yours. Please
write to the podcast at your name here at alchemy
this dot com. That's your name here at alchemy this
dot com. I first scene comes from Jessica Plumber, who wrote, Hey, Alchemist,
I listened to a range of podcasts and you are
the first one I'm writing to. Yea, yea. She goes
(02:21):
on to complain love the show, y'all hilarious, YadA, YadA all. Right,
I have an idea. This is based off a story
I read. A grandmother is virtually blind. It can only
see blurry images in shapes. Her grandson doesn't visit often,
so she can't quite remember what he looks like. A
demon has been assigned to haunt her. However, when he
(02:41):
enters the house and starts his haunting, the almost blind
grandmother thinks the demon is in fact her a strange grandson.
She's making food for him, talking to him as if
the demon were her grandson. Example, oh my much bigger,
all right, no examples. The demon begins to feel bad
(03:03):
and pretends to be the grandson. Take whatever liberties you
like be on that of course, Thank you so much,
and as usually, have lots of fun with it and
let your imagination go. Wow. I love the show. Hope
you can alchemy this. Thanks Jessica Plumber. Where's pot? Pot?
(03:23):
Where are you? It's the remote now, damn it. Hello, Hi,
I'm calling for Mrs Sorenson. R Mrs Sorenson's my mother.
Oh okay, um are you hi? I'm just kidding. Hello, Hello, Hi?
(03:48):
Are you happy with your Oh? Great? So lonely? Oh shoot, okay,
have a nice way. Oh me again with me again? Ling, bling,
bling bling? Who says that? Bring bling? Hello? Yes, hello?
(04:12):
Are you aware that you are still are eligible for
new roofing? No, this is wonderful news. What's your name? Larry? Oh, Larry?
I had a love her name Larry twice? Who am
I speaking to that? The same Larry? Different Larry, Mrs
Sorenson r Are you yes? It's very sad, Larry. Was
(04:35):
this a recent event? It was recent in my heart,
but it was four and a half years ago. Next Tuesday.
What was his name? His name was Elbe? That's right.
Where did Elbe hail from? Elb hailed from Michigan? Honey,
nothing like a Michigan man, Am I right? Larry? Keep talking? Well,
(04:57):
in Michigan they have cold winters in the min His
lips get chats. Sell the goddamn roof, Sell the goddamn mooves, Larry.
There's a problem with the connection, Darling. Yes, so, as
I mentioned, we have roofing available at discount. There's a
problem with the connection. That is a weird sound is
that in your office? It might be listen is your
(05:20):
office getting hot? My house is getting hot? Larry? All right, Larry,
don't hang up please, Larry, house is getting so hot.
Do you see any flames? I don't see any flames,
but I don't see much of anything these days, Larry,
What does that mean? My eyes side? I used to
(05:43):
see it all. I used to paint watercolor, Larry. Grandmother, grandmother? Hello, grandmother? Hello.
The front door was open, so I just came in.
Is it really you? Oh, it's really me? Come here?
Oh on who? It's so hard in here? John? Larry
(06:04):
talked to Larry John, Larry, my friend MS needs to
get off the phone right but we have this deal
right now. Grandma, why would you hang up? Or Larry?
I just felt like we don't get enough time together,
just getting to know Larry. Larry is a roofing guy.
(06:24):
I'm sure. Did you know Larry was a roofing guy?
Did you know that you talk so loud on the phone, Grandma?
I could hear you down the street almost cut you
open with my pairing knife. Put that pairing knife down,
I'd rather not. Okay, I brought you soup and oh
(06:46):
well I don't need a knife for so okay, Okay, here, dear,
aren't you wow? I just feel like you just keep
getting younger. Well, that's a nice, since range thing to
say to your grandmother. Why did you say a thing
like that? I just it just feels like so long
(07:06):
since we've seen each other, and I am just so
excited to be here. I'm excited to have you has
been a while. Why do you think I'm getting younger?
I'm getting saggier and baggy. My eyelids are drooping solather
on my cheeks right now. No, no, no, that's it
looks fantastic. I guess it's just what's that word for
(07:28):
self image problems? In correct? Self image? More just more failure?
Do you hear that? Excuse me? Well, I freeze time, Jonathan,
May I speak to you for a moment. What the
hell is going up? You have one job to do,
(07:51):
one job, and you're down here complimenting you to do
some hunting. You know? If I just try to get
her to sign something in blood right here and no
she never saw you. You have five minutes, Grandma. I
(08:18):
used to have three cats, then I had five and
got a couple of I had no cats. Now I
have no cats. That's a bummer, Grandma. Have you ever
heard a math problem like that? Honestly, kind what happened
to the cats. Well, my guess this is that while
(08:38):
you seem to live forever, your cats have a mortality
rate of drown. Um, Grandma Derek, You're not a door
to door salesman. You're a door to door ghostbuster. You
offer a service that people need, people want. Yeah, but
business has been slow lately because you don't believe and
(08:58):
I know I bust ghosts, but I don't believe in ghosts.
That's the problem. And by the way, we can all
feel it, we can all tell. You can't just go
to the motions and saying the words, you know, spirit, spirit,
get out, damn spirit. You've got to really see the spirits.
I just don't believe that ghosts are real. I don't
believe that ghosts. People don't know demons, demons. Okay, we
(09:18):
know demons are around, but ghosts also hot. Listen, I'm
your boss, but I'm also your friend, so I'm gonna
let that last uh statement slide. Okay, knock on this
door and do your best. I just hate cold calling.
I mean, what are the what are the chances that
a demon would be currently haunting this house? The demon
or ghost it's so hot and he helped me take off, Grandma.
(09:41):
It seems take okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, this seems
a lot crueler. It's not that. What is that? It's
the door. I'll look at the door. You just signed
this paper. Here, it's gonna get you. One hold on
(10:03):
my second, Grandma, get your door. Grandma, I'm gonna go
get the door. You just signed this paper. I'm just
gonna sit here in my skin for a minute. I'll
be right back, you know. Hello, Hi, Hi, how you doing.
(10:29):
We weren't expecting any Larry, Larry. No, Hi man, I'm
Derek from demon Busters from Nave. Excuse me. I'm sure
it's nothing you haven't seen before. I'm sorry, Derek. We've
already got our come in. I mean you already have
(10:49):
a demon Buster. I'm pretty much the only one in town.
Demon Buster demon Buster case some soup. My grandson brought
it for me. I don't know. I see some alphabets
and it's so I'm guessing it's alphabets. I hope it's alfa.
Please don't sit down on the couch. Sure, well, I'm
(11:10):
just gonna make myself comfortable for a little bit. Have
you noticed any strange occurrences. Well, I can't remember what
appliance makes what sound anymore. My eyelids are on my
cheeks right about now, and Larry and I was just
getting intimate and then it all fell upon always was
the guy on the phone from the roughing Always follows apart,
(11:33):
doesn't it, Derrick? That's strange. Yeah, I mean if you've noticed,
like any you know, hot flashes, as if the pitfires
of hell have opened up in at because of the
warmth in here? Do you feel the war? I do
feel a little bit of a Warranth. So you're her grandson,
her grandson. Her circulation is terrible if we I don't
(11:54):
think that's true. My doctor hasn't mentioned my son. Your
memory is failing your grand grand you know. Come on,
Mrs Sons. And your door was wide open, opened it, honey,
but we hadn't closed in honey. Well, it was wide open,
and I just I found myself, well your naked, I'm
(12:15):
a naked would you like to join me? This is Betty. Everyone,
I've got to take the bus in a nomination to
get naked friends. Betty, two boys. I'm a man, I'm
a I'm young though I'm a I'm a local demon buster,
all Derek, you can have my grandson. Well, that doesn't
(12:37):
look at anything like the pictures you have your grandson,
doesn't it. My eyelids are on my cheeks right about now?
All the pictures you're having a grandson, you probably look
like you want some super I'm sorry to leave this, Derek.
You're not going anywhere me pull a knife on you.
(12:58):
Don't you take that? What do you see before your eyes?
Is it a man with patchy blonde hair and a
big funny nose. The nose is funny, the patchy hair
doesn't It doesn't look anything like it. It wasn't its hair,
its eyes. It's a way too far apart, like a
fish that wasn't what jobs and had? His eyes were
(13:18):
far too crossed together for one eye. Yes, are you
in fact a human, sir? And not? You have to
tell us what's going? Well? Sorry, if you could play
help me out, I would. Oh guess you have to
(13:39):
chip in and shave day? Oh yeah, I don't come
with your time, I must What do you want with three?
That was it? That's all I wanted? Are you a
human or a demon? Sir? Derek answered? Derek would a demon.
Dump this the soup down a stroke like whatever? Why
(14:07):
am I? Is the soup coming out of him? It
will in a second demon react to this. Holy, what's happening? Okay,
you've got a full on demon infestation. What's happening? This
is not your grandson, ma'am. I'm terribly sorry that about
(14:27):
the lizard as I'm not sure that Betty is actually
your neighbor either. Yea, how is that they do? Did
Betty melt? Hello? High grandma? Oh? Kill him? Kill him? No,
(14:52):
I'm sorry. Normally that he would just vaporize if this
were a demon. I think this must be your real grandson,
that one you have made me more powerful. I'm not
sure if you ever had a real grandson. I'm not either, Derek,
give me out of here. We can set the house
(15:15):
on fire. It's fine, you want to set the house.
That's only one get rid of me. And I don't
know why I'm going to tell you anyway, is if
you find true love me. Yeah, that's what I've always
been looking for, homie. Well, it doesn't look like you're
about to go to kiss me. That a relationship. Okay,
(15:41):
I'll cover myself up with a throw pillow. First, I
don't kissing you will will it will come? I didn't.
I didn't. Wow, that was surprisingly easy. Means you met
true love Derek, because it does. What a funny ending,
he sweetheart? How was work? You know, just typical day? Okay,
(16:04):
I made you some sausages. Oh nice, thank you? Give
me one second? Did you tell her? Wait? Is this
the yeah, that's a good spot. Oh my goodness. Somehow
(16:25):
she found her way over to Derek's apartment. The only
demon seven seven busses to get to Derek's apartment, but
she made it. Oh that's beautiful. Well then you're welcome,
Jessica Plumber. Alright. Our second scene comes from Philip, who
(16:49):
wrote high Alchemist, loving your show, and I'm super happy
I can now crack up to you on the Metro
twice a week so people can give me even more
weird looks. I have recently watched the crazy documentary about
flat earthers on the popular streaming side. I don't wish
to promote, and I was wondering if you could spin
up one about a couple being matched through a flat
(17:11):
Earth dating site. Forever yours fill up from Vienna, the
one in Europe fancy likes. Let's see what do I like?
What do I like? Um? I like snacks, snacks um,
(17:34):
things that bring me joy, thinks bring me joy? Um,
proving like proving that the world is flash If you
could just fill this out silently. There are a lot
of people in the office that are filling out. There's
perfectly silently, Okay, in trouble, No, it's just this a
dating place. Every way. Everyone hears everyone in this room
(17:54):
is filling out their own surface. Well, then I could
just walk up to one. Don't do that. Why am
I waiting for anything online? It's a matter of cordial
like what are you looking at? Buddy? Um? Just I
don't know. Some hands here for the same purpose, right,
I can't define love with a fellow flat earth. That's
(18:15):
and that's why I'm here. That's why I'm here. Listen,
you are breaking rules. You're supposed to connect online. There
are no rules. There was one rule that told us
that the world was round, and we broke that rule,
didn't we. Yeah, okay, I just had a question a
questions I do, but I just really okay, yes, I'm
just having it, Like why are we here? Well, now,
(18:38):
that's why are we at corporate because I'm not supposed
to be talking to people. But there's a guy that's
sucking me and I'd like to talk to him. Well,
you're just supposed to fill out your survey and then
you guys connect with each other afterwards, like online. That's
what I thought. Oh my god, that's weird. Well, so
there's another guy, I fucking sid Oh there's a shadowy government,
you know, watching over the too much? Can I seek?
(19:04):
Please keep talk? Thank you. I'm on the way, Tim. Uh, yeah,
how's it going out there? They just keep wanting to
cut the middleman out there and talk to you. Well,
they're trying to talk to each other, but there several
we're talking to you. I noticed. Well, and then you
said something about the dark web. Well, just the shadowy
government that you've been working here, Tim, I don't three weeks.
(19:28):
It was like six weeks. I'm almost full time. It's
if we go much longer, it's going to be illegal
to call me a independent contractor. Okay, Well, then let's
go back to the rules that you agreed to when
you took the job. Jesus, one of what you would
be maybe not mentioned the dark web. Well, they were
wondering why they're not allowed to just talk to each other.
Were they did they share that with you? How? That's
(19:49):
exactly what they said because I said. So. What I'm
saying is, look at the Okay, look at this glass
of water. Okay, where's the curvature? You're right, I didn't
see it. Where Like if there was a curve to
the to the to the globe, we would see it.
I supposed to be talking. I'm sorry. I'm not trying
to break anything up for now. I try to, like
I try to talk to you earlier, but then you
made it very clear that someone else is looking at you.
(20:11):
So no, I'm not jealous, Okay, I'm just jos I'm
trying to answer the essay question. My pencil broke. Does
anybody have a sharpener? A pencil sharpener? President sharpener on
the wall. You didn't need to ask, Hey, what's your problem?
I don't have a problem. I'm not jealous. Okay. Do
(20:33):
you believe that the earth is flat? Okay, so then
we're all how would I even be standing up right
now if it was round? That's what I'm saying exactly.
I'm beaten by dragons. I don't know if that's part
of it. There be dragons, Okay, okay, I believe in
dragons as well. Listen, I implied that I believe in dragons.
(20:57):
I'm not jealous of you, but I said so. It's
like i've we also believe in dragons. I would I
would like to get out of here. I was. I
was actually not too keen on coming here in the
first place. So um, yeah, anytime we could get out
of here, well, let's walk towards the horizon not too far.
That is funny. I'm Melanie, I'm Tobias, and we found love.
(21:22):
You suckers. Good luck. We're supposed to be talking. We
can't talk. You can't talk, so I think that makes
this I am. Yeah, this was really wonderful meeting everybody.
But it looks like we've we found each other. Yeah,
I feel like not yet, Like what did you guys
get for? For a question number four? And I circled
(21:45):
the cone. Okay, what the hell is going on in here?
Nothing you are sharing your answers were just we paired
up already. We found you. Guys are trying to keep
the peace. But it didn't happen. And I'm not pointing
fingers at her, but well she just literally pointed her Fingerlanie. Alright, right,
(22:07):
everybody calmed down. I'm going to flex some authority here.
I'm not going to let Tobias and Melanie go to Oh.
I'm pretty much the I'm to walk out of this building.
We can do whatever we want to do. And speaking
of which, there is a cruise that leaves tonight. What's
your name, Toby, Toby and Tobias weird? Weird? My name
(22:29):
is Meland and her name is Melanie. Okay, So which
one am I with? The d or the knee? You
were with the knee, yes, and you're with Tobias. Me,
that's a different one. Was actually maybe it was the
cloak this clip pork fill this out privately to shirt.
(22:52):
I'll be damn hey, yeah, yeah, I notice you were
teeming people up out there. Well, they were matching them up,
just breaking the teams that they were making for themselves.
That it works, right, It's not how it works. You're
you're Not's not part of your job title at all
is to match people up, right. The office takes care
of that. You're you're a greater, You're administrator, but please
(23:14):
have nothing to do with the why don't you take
care of you? I fucking quit can deal with them.
It's anarchy out there. Here's my batch. Do you know what?
This is? The go get attitude that I've been looking
for since you got here. Take initiative, not get out
there and show the moose boss. Yes, the only Why
(23:36):
don't you? They told you she's just like it's her,
it's it's her. I just I just think that Tobias
and I we're vibing. I can see that, totally vibing.
But you know, rules are rules, and so we were parat.
What were you saying about a cruise Well, just that
(23:57):
there's one that leaves. I'm instantly suspicious. How far does
it go? Okay, to the end of the earth. That's
the point. Yes, yeah, it leaves tonight. Which cruise line
is this? There are we cruise lane and cl it's
the jam specifically the jam is the ship. But here's
the best names. Look at this. We all believe place.
(24:25):
What's up? Ticket place? I thought this was just like
you walk on right. That's hilarious. I'll need to see
a ticket in I'd like to buy a ticket with cash.
I don't want to be trapped government. There's a ticket,
teeth filling. What's happening here? Are you people together? Maybe
we're figuring it out. Okay, Well, when you get yourself
some tickets and come on board. Okay, we love to
(24:47):
come on. Now, what's your name? To be? Your name
is to be as in or not to be? Well, listen,
we'd love to come on. Love your necklace. Thank you
so much. It's the ship. Um, all four of you
(25:08):
are there? Yeah, I am here. Oh hello, No, this
is just a weird day for me. Can you tell
us what the itinerary of this cruise is? I could
certainly tell you. Yes. Day one we'll go out to
see three meals and dancing and a show, magic show.
We're excited about Timothy the Glorious. And then when you
hit the glass plane again, when you hit the glass plane,
(25:30):
just the ship just bounce off and then start sending
back the way that it came. You lost me a
glass plane. Well, there's a giant glass plane where it
can be real with us. We know what does it?
You know? We get it. We get it at the
end of the earth. Yes, I'm sorry. I hadn't heard
(25:51):
it called the glass plane before. That's what it's called. Okay,
you're not active in the blog. Oh you guys are
from the internet. I'm sorry. Real relife, honey, as hard
as you can. Okay. Oh that's all I got. Not bad,
not bad? All right, Well then listen, I'm gonna let
(26:12):
you through. But there are some other people that are
certainly gonna ask for tickets at some point. So you're charming,
you're wonderful. I say, let's do it. You know there's
there's gonna be a few more opportunities. Are people gonna
insist on some tickets and maybe buy them at some point?
And if if the turtle that carries around the world
gets tired, does the ship stop moving? Question? What's the
(26:36):
turtle's name? I don't know the turtle's name. It doesn't happen.
How big must this turtle be? Well, it's larger than
the world. When you say the world, you mean the
flat plane? Yes, okay. And you see a turtle pulling
that flat plane, Well he's holding. It's the holding turtle.
(26:59):
I heard turtles all the way down. I heard pulling.
Got confused, you're talking about the holding turtle. Yes, so
wrench me again. I didn't even feel it that. Wow,
I must be losing my strength from Moll's stocking. We're
not holding anyone else up, No, still waiting for the
other passengers. You guys are about a day early. I mean,
(27:20):
I'm I'm excited you're joining us, but yep, yep, it's
just us for now. Okay, so this is our cabin.
Now listen. I know you're you don't want to be
with me. I know you want to be with Tobias.
You know, I kind of feel like we've we've come
a long way. I feel the same way since the survey.
I feel the same way you don't. Oh look there's
a swan. There's a monkey in the bathroom. Oh that's funny.
(27:46):
That's funny. Well, there seems to only be one bad
I don't know we're going to do about I can
bring in another band. Actually, were trying, though. You do
want the one bed that you're pretending you don't want
the one I've seen that before. Okay, we're all out
(28:06):
of bed wink part of me. Um. I know you
work here, but of course, do you also believe? I believe? Yeah? Okay,
thank you? Why are we what's up? What are we
believing in about earth? I believe about the earth. Okay, evening,
this is your captain speaking. We have very excited to
(28:30):
have you join us on the sort to day cruise
around the world thirty day cruise around the world. In
case you're repeating that now, I just want to confirm
it for you. The first couple of days we're going
to be at sea as we crossed the Atlantic and
then head over into Scandinavia when we're going to be
going to Oslow in Stockholm and Copenhagen. This so it's
(28:55):
nice and didn't carry on to Italian Estonia. We might
head up into the Arctic for a little bit. When
do we d glass plane. We have some viewing of
some glaciers, some polar bears there, and we went to
sail around down through the Mediterranean, around the Horn of Africa.
(29:15):
I'm skipping ahead a little bit here, but a little
really hit by the coast of Australia and New Zealand,
and then class plane we'll go through the Panama Canal
and then eventually make our way back to New York City.
I don't think this makes sense. I feel like at
some point we would have fallen off. I don't think
(29:38):
it all checks out. Hey, Hey, I like how many
crab legs you've got on that plates, many crablegs on
that plate as a crab family? Does it a crab
family reunion? When you're eating corpses? Just own it. Okay,
we're bigger than them. I feel full. You were on
(30:01):
the boat alone. I take this cruise over a year
by myself. Oh, I came with a group, but we're
not hitting it off. I've only got one bed and here,
So is that what you're I wasn't, John, I was
going to sleep on the lido next o. Never mind.
(30:23):
I thought that was a proposition you were. It was
more like, let's get to know each other. That's what
cruisers are for. You're not familiar. I'm not. This is
my first cruise. I've always been afraid on you know,
into space or whatever on those cruise right. Yeah, Well,
if you go too far you'll fall off into space.
(30:45):
So I've always thought, you know what, I'll stay in Tampa.
But I don't know. I don't know what your your
bat ship? Crazy? What's your name? I can see your
nipple piercings through your tank to look at that when
I was drunk. How old are you too old for this? No?
(31:05):
Not can I get either of you anymore ice tea, yes, please?
All right, she's not actually in my room, so in
your room. I don't put talking about the room. Don't don't.
This is your millionth cruise. It's free, free, The ice
is free, am I correct? Inclusive in a way. Yeah,
so you're not going to pay for it? Okay? Sorry.
(31:30):
The other diners are wondering if there's an issue with
some kind for you volume volume maybe from this table,
from this turbo. He got loud. You keep yelling about
your room, and on the other di you're misunderstanding. I
just she said that there wasn't working out with who
(31:50):
she was at, and I said, I only have one bed.
He jumped right to that. That's how I was going.
I don't, okay, but I never do. I mean, we're
just floating on this plate right, we're spinning on a frisbee. Captain.
Permission to enter the bridge, Captain. It's been brought to
my attention that a lot of the guests here believe
(32:12):
that we are going to uh uh um come up
to a glass plane, glass blink at some point. They
think we're gonna we're gonna hit something. Why would we
hit something? Well, because some of them, not me, but
some of them think that the earth is flat. Brittany,
(32:33):
what what is going on? I'm confused, if I'm being honest,
do you think that we're not really sailing around the world.
I don't know anymore. Captain, Captain, captain, permission to enter
the bridge? Permission grant? Great, Britney's here, I'm here, great, great, Um,
there's just a problem in the dining hall. Okay, but
I have a problem right here. Okay, Well, there's a
(32:54):
problem in the dining okay. There is a chain of
co d on the ship. You know, I don't need
to know everything that's going on. There's managers for the restaurants,
like I'm mostly responsible for sailing the ship, okay, but
there was like a guy who's permission, bridge permission. Claire,
(33:16):
there you are, I'm managing the floor by myself. Now, okay, Well, Whitney,
you know, figure it out. I was trying to, but
then I was alone, and then I thought, where would Claire?
I got taddling to the captain. I see what's going on,
control captain, and see what's going on here? Captain. Captain
is dicking all of us, Claire, Brittany what's going on,
(33:38):
Captain Dickie? Permission to enter the bridge? Permission grunted? Uh, sir,
there's a toilet out, and sweet, I don't. I don't
need to know that. Look, I don't need to know
that the toilets are out. I don't need to know
about the fight in the dining room. I don't need
to know that the short for menprev show was canceled tonight.
It is? It is? I did I did hear that?
By the way, I was really looking? Or do you
(34:00):
think we should incorporate butterflies into the napkin folding? Sure?
Sure do. Over half of the people on this ship
believe that the Earth is flat, and if I'm being honest,
I'm starting to think it is as well. So i
need a little help because I'm freaking out here. Wait, Brittany,
are you getting dicked by the captain? Yes? Did you
know that? Claire? I mean, I had suspicions, but I
(34:23):
didn't know, and show in my own world they had
no idea. Swear to God, you're right. I didn't know.
I promised No, I did not know. Are you getting dicked?
I'm not getting dicked by no? But are you sure
that Welsh guy. I wish, wish, I keep doing double
on to andreis to him, he's not picking. What do
we just hit? Captain? I don't know. This is strange.
(34:45):
Who we appeared to hit a giant glass plane. Make
an announcement. Make an announcement, passengers. We just appeared to
have just slightly slightly bumped an enormous glass business is it?
(35:06):
Oh my god, it appears that the turtle that holds
the earth is tired. Oh give me one of those crabs.
I love being right hungry. Another news. The short form
improv show just canceled tonight. That would definitely be other news.
(35:33):
As you slightly hit the glass plane gently, I think
was the term, let's finish things up. Our third scene
is from Julia monk Er. Oh, dear Alchemy, this crew,
if you choose my suggestion, I'm not sure what I'll
be more excited about hearing y'all acted out or hearing
(35:57):
the melifolius voice of Kevin Polack say my namely. Ever,
I started watching Marvelous Mrs Maisiel listening to Alchemy this
ironically around the same time. Is that ironic? Your voice
has followed me everywhere and I'm not done, Julia Monk,
(36:20):
look in your office quickly. Excuse me, sorry, I add
something in my suggestion is a man is confronted by
his friends and family about his ever growing number of
adopted guinea pigs. You're all brilliant minds and are disturbed
in all the right ways. Thanks, you've felt the animals,
Julia Monk, listen when Larry gets here. I think you
(36:42):
know it's not a surprise party thing where we all
just jump up from mind account. Let's take a boat
who wants to jump up from behind the couch and
say a surprise. I'm like to know everyone seems into it,
started off in a happy way. I just want to
confuse the issue him thinking it's goal like surprise, you
have a problem, so right off the bat that effect.
(37:05):
I think confusing the issue will be helpful, you know,
like muscle confusion when you're trying to get emotional confusion.
Is this going to affect your personal relationship with him
most definitely? And you're willing to throw that away? Yeah,
I'm pretty sure it's over now. Who can to adopt
some of the guinea pigs? Obviously we need to take
(37:26):
some of these out of here. Just let him go,
let him go. Well again, they're going to die on
their own. These are these guinea pigs arrival of the
fittest Steve, how many times have we talked about that.
It's just that my dad thinks of them as like
family members. Well that's the problem, Steve, that's the problem.
They're not people. Okay, they're not people. Say we're people.
(37:48):
There's too many people living in this house. Your dad
loves most of those guinea pigs more than he loves you.
What's the true He's told us a number of occasions. Look,
i'm your uncle. You know, I'm your cool uncle, but
I don't like you can take your sunglasses after come
on now, he loves that more than he loves you,
and that's why we're doing this. But remember first it's surprised,
(38:10):
and then it's you've got you've got a problem, and
as you're not cool, aunt, I just you're cool. I'm
not cool. That was cool one. Look at you. It's
an accident. I caught it on fire. Yah, put the
sunglasses on. Let me say no, come on you guys,
(38:32):
I love you. D get out of here. I'm hiding here.
How nice? I love kidney pig? Something like Danny pigs.
Oh do do do? Do do? Where are my keys?
Looking for my keys? These are the wrong ones looking
(38:53):
for the keys. Okay, cramping up? Shan't wait to be
the guinny pigs? What doesn't this key word cold? K
heading back out to the Okay, so when he gets here, remember,
it's surprised you have a problem. I need a new
hiding place. The table is too low. Also, I think
(39:16):
that we should Um, I've written something down. Did you
all write something down? Why don't you start? We're supposed to.
You should start if you wrote something down? Okay, Well,
surprised you have a problem? And then you jump? Mom?
Did you say that after the things we're going to
be over between you? And definitely maybe we don't need
to get rid of the guinea pigs? Then I don't
want to look. It's time for you to learn a
(39:40):
hard life lesson? Okay? Should we We're already here, We're
already here. You know, sometimes in life things don't work out. Okay,
that's true. Okay, And sometimes you know, you marry a
man who like to finger bang in the car, right
and then and he changes into a man who doesn't
(40:02):
look in the eye and spends more of his time
at Petco just hoarding guinea. You found my keys. I
found my keys in the car, open in the door.
Now going to see mcguinnys where I'm a guinny. You
have a problem, you have a problem. What's everybody doing here?
(40:29):
A god? That's so embarrassing. You heard me singing and rapping.
I loved it. That was a great, great song. You
were saying, I don't think there is rapping. Yeah, it wasn't.
I'm with Gina. That wasn't rapping. Give us an example
of rapping then. Okay, Now from the time for this
I went to friends. Yeah, that's exactly what I was doing.
(40:50):
Are you saying that I have a problem rapping? Is that?
I'm glad you picked up on the intervention thing? Daddy?
Think you shut up? What we got to read our
letters is going to go first. I have a seat, buddy.
You want a cold one? Yeah, let's get you cold,
get you dead of beer? Okay, Like I don't want
(41:12):
to beer, but I will have a cold one. Okay,
cold tepsode Okay, I'll be back. What is wrote some
time for you? I wrote something for you. We're here
because we love you. Let's start there. You guys, we
do love you. We want to get specific about our love.
So Charles, okay, take it away, bro. I can't imagine
what this could be bro man, my bro ski, my
(41:34):
little bro bro establishing the connection my brother from the
same mother. Where do I we can get to it.
I'm seriously at a loss as to what this could
be about. I've wrote a couple of pages. Okay, all right,
I'm gonna jump right to it, right, I want jump
right to it. You love you? Okay? You? Wow, that
(41:57):
is a cold one. Feel cold when we have a
boy you have chosen to love a guinea pigs? Yes? More,
what then you've chosen chosen? I think that works? Did
you not only your family but yourself? Oh that's a
(42:18):
good one of the well. I had no idea that
this would be what this would be about. Think back on, Charles. Note,
and I also think that that's an offensive use of piggyback.
I think I think you're supposed to just let everybody
get out what they need to and then you'll be
allowed to speak an intervention. Gina, I wrote it down.
(42:44):
Hold on, sweetheart, your guinea pig obsession has affected session negatively.
In the following way negatively. I no longer you're easing
that pig pretty hard. I am no longer able to
(43:05):
get off in our love making. When we say you are,
you say you're getting off. I have to lie otherwise
you lay in bed on top of me. I have
sixteen guinea pigs just writhing around and crevices that I
don't need those guinea pigs. Your parents are very good communicators.
(43:25):
Does the fingerbank portion need to be longer? Or is
that I handled the guineas before I finger bang you?
Or you know it's someone who's never been finger bangs.
Oh no, my sister, my sister, my sister in law.
(43:46):
It still would feel weird. I don't know. Let's have
any finger bang. I'm years you have known me for
Maybe you'd be the right person. I'm just saying, no,
please continue. Am I going to learn about finger bang? Right?
You don't have to worry about that until high school?
Everything is okay, fine, But as soon as high school starts,
(44:08):
worry about it, okay, whatever you will, you will be
preoccupied with it. Can I ask a question real quick?
Are you aware how many guinea pigs you have? Yea, well,
almost one forever US state. This is one of the problems.
It's seventy three. You're not even aware the baby since
(44:29):
for work this morning, So you count them before you
leave the high I do. I count them everybot this morning.
How high can you count? Yeah, we've found the problem.
You just quickly established your relationship here. I'm his employer. Yeah. Sorry, no,
(44:50):
it just felt like I run the bank. Yeah, you're
like part of the business partner. I was here waiting
for you to come home, pretty salad, valued employee. We
made a great deal to the bank. I love my job.
We care very much about you. Clearly your family has
their own concerns, but professionally speaking, you're out of control.
(45:12):
I mean, there's so many things that I I know
I have faults, but I didn't think it would have
anything to do with my guineas. This is gonna be
a little unorthodox, a little weird. But um maybe if
we have them him named them, well, I think they
are named in like a roll call. Well Gorman, he
has something to say, Gorman. Yeah, Well, well, I I
(45:38):
wrote down in the voice of what I think Gorman
would say. That's creative. That's my little man. I learned.
It's called on Amana learned that in high school on
a fingerback. I think it's anthropomorphs, yep, that's the one.
(46:00):
I think that's when you give a living quality to
a non living or is it just a human quality?
What does Gorman want to say? Well, okay, it says
to your daddy the guinea pig things. That's damn well.
I think that they all think they are my kids. Yeah,
more my kids than a real kid one dad. There's
(46:23):
so many of me and my brothers and sisters that
I think that you forget about some of us, specifically Stephen.
I don't think Gorman would be that concerned about you.
It probably doesn't care Steen. Uh. First of all, very
impressive that you wrote this down. I have only gotten.
But I have to ask, uh, what you've written here
is what you think the guinea pigs want to say
(46:45):
to your father? Um? Well, yeah, okay, so why don't
you just tell your father what you're feelings? Creative? But
but I see what you're honestly the only things at
the end, it's signed upy Gorman, and I guess I
could have assigned it myself. Dad. I think that there's
so many guinea pigs and you've only got so much love,
(47:10):
enough love to go around for every one. That's what
it feels like. Mom says that this is going to
be the end of your guys thing in that where
I'm going to be, Well, you're going to be right
here in the guineas. I don't meet. It's a little unorthodox.
I don't mean to go with it. I you guys
know I'm good in my hands, right, I build it.
(47:32):
But yeah, you're a builder of a builder. Yeah, I've
built this little what's the word called when together make
(47:52):
a yee sound. I built this guillotine. And I think
it's important for you to off what the no that
you don't feed them for a couple of days. They
will eat the young. It's important that I don't. I'm
(48:13):
on the record is saying no thanks. One guinea pig
at random always been very jealous of it too much.
That's the only one I feel attached to because we've
been talking about it so much that which one? Which
one do you feel comes in between your you and
(48:36):
your husband's relationship? Well, I think Steve hit it. That
performed biblical Yeah, I have the father um killed the
son that he really loves to save the son that's
really his son, and that's from that is that is
what were those brothers, oh Abraheim and Elisha. If you
(49:02):
love your son, kill my son. Well you know, I'll
leave it up to you. You can kill either either
or Steve. I'm gonna kill Steve. I'm sorry, son is
just too You'll have to do something else. Can cut off.
(49:30):
You're never gonna have a meaningful relationship with that without
a finger to bang, or maybe before you come back
to work at the bank. You see, what's happened here
is your family loves you so much they went ahead
and provided you an example of just how out of
proportion the problem is. You've just chosen to kill your
own flesh and blood before one of your forty seven
(49:50):
or seventy three guinea pigs. I just feel like this
is something that my real family would never do to me.
Wait a minute, which family are all humans? Right? And
that concludes the guinea pig wars? Poor Gorman? Uh yeah,
(50:20):
I'd like to think that Steve grew up to be
a hell of a banker banger. Also, let's thank your
commissition no particular order, um, Chris Alvarado. Yeah, you're welcome.
Thank you so much. Thank you. I hope it was
worth the eight bucks. It was okay to the listeners,
Kevin poul charge me eight dollars. Yeah, but still it's
(50:42):
worth it, so worth it, Okay, Vanessa, I can thank
you so much for joining us today. Thanks for having me.
It's always a pleasure. What's coming up at the Dynasty
Tart We just go to the website check it out
typewriter dot com. But we're coming up. Maybe we've already
come up. It was a great we came up. It
was show. What a great show for coming out. I
(51:02):
remember that time. Yeah, yeah, and Craig took his shirt off,
which was really well it was asked by the fans,
so what choice did he, Craig Akaki. Thank you so much, sir.
Welcome back to these United States. Good to be back.
I'm gonna give you three bucks for today's show. What
(51:23):
you want in the in the Hopper James Heeneman brand
new series. It's called This Rusher Thing, This Russia, Russia
John Bolton. It sounds like you said Rusher, but that's
what it's called. It's a book by John Bolton and
(51:43):
you can find it on the real James Heene's YouTube channel.
That's me. Well, I like every squirre inch of that.
And thank you miss Amanda Blake Davis. Thank you please
come back will for our very next show. As a
matter of fact, it would be great. Yeah. And where
where's your folks? Looks to find any of your shows
or we come on out and see hey Day. Oh yes,
(52:07):
Heyda plays at the west Side. Everybody, Yes, the west
Side uh Comedy Theater every other Monday. Go to west
Side Comedy dot com and look for those debts. The
name of the group is Heyday, Hey Day. Two words
one word one. I thought so. And let's thank the
engineer to the stars, Mr Doug Baine. Thank you, Doug.
(52:29):
Uh he just gave us a big thumbs up. I
think he likes us and our finger with it. Sound
design artist Raphael Britto, our producer Sophie Lichterman, thank you
so very very much. And lastly, of course, our dear
overlords at the Heart Media, we thank you for the
auspices and the support. Uh we'll give thanks. At this moment,
(52:51):
I think to the loss of Joey Greer, just to today,
just for today, I mean, he's still with us humanly.
I want to encourage all of you to write a
review if you would please. It really helps UM let
people know about us, apparently, tell everyone you've ever met
that's not going to hurt and right to us is
(53:11):
always your name here at alchemy this dot com. Your
name here at alchemy this dot com so that we
can continue to use your scene suggestions for our impropositions.
I'm Kevin, polling your host until next time.
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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