Diego the tortoise ...

Diego the tortoise who saved his species retires to an uninhabited island.

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A group of dinosaur friends attend the birthday party of a religious dinosaur friend.

 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome back to another episode of Welcome to This Cover.
I'm your host, Kevin That Kevin Well. For example, if
not for our weekly recordings being on the same day,
I would not know that it's what's your point? But
I digress. Let's meet our alchemys. Shallow you no particularly

(00:23):
to say, he little Chris Alvarad Chris was the horrible
menu for Vegas night? Miko's fault or Henna's Miko's fault? Really? Yeah, dude,
Well okay, she didn't help. She didn't help. She told
him to make nachos. Isn't Aikiko? Kiko? Never mind? Funk

(00:46):
the question? That was great, good work. I have nothing
more to say. Yeah, Miko is uh the uh stuffed
animal I had sex with as a kid. Saying hello
to Craig house Kick, what's the third thing you do
miss about living in Los Angeles? Um, Miko, you gotta

(01:10):
tell the people what just happened. Yeah, I gotta spit.
Take accomplishment, almost coffee out of my nose. Please. Welcome back.
Patrick Rowler, Mighty row favorite TV show growing up and
one oh my favorite TV show grown up was Pee

(01:32):
Wee's Playhouse because it had a cowboy Curtis, which was
a very young Lawrence fish purn uh, and it was
a cowboy with a Jerry curl. That's all it took. Perfect. Hey,
there's Caroline Cotter. Caroline. Are cats superior to all of

(01:53):
their pets because they're the only species other than humans
who attempt to dispose of their pooh? Um, well, I mean,
if that's how we're rating superiority, I don't know. I
mean I don't think so. I don't think so. Do
you find it well not to bring this up? I
feel like I bring this up all the time. But

(02:14):
I am fostering a bunny now, and he disposes of
his own ship by eating it. So's Joey. Yeah, yeah,
just like Joey. That's why I named my bunny Joey. Yeah.
It is strange to me that it's an instinct in
cats to bury the born with this, And I guess

(02:36):
it was about self preservation in terms of being pray right, anybody, somebody? Yeah,
I don't know. That's why humans do it. That's why
humans eat their own ship yep. And last but fall
down a well and refuse to call for help. If
you think at least it's Joey greer, sugar less come
best advice you can offer anyone wanting to join the

(02:59):
excit aiding world of acting in porn. Most of them.
We were just talking about this before, but stretch. Being
limber is so important. You don't know what you're gonna
be asked of day of, and I can speak on experience,
and you think, oh, I'm just gonna be I'm gonna
they're gonna lie me down and they're gonna pour honey
over my feet, and you know then I'm gonna, you know,

(03:21):
whatever the hell's gonna happen. But actually, what's being asked
of you is I need to bring my feet past
my ears and dislocate my elbow in order to mimic
some kind of spider scorpion things. Let it. I finally
caught on. He's been doing that bit for six fucking shows,

(03:42):
and I'm just letting him go. I know we're we're
all waiting for you, Kevin, Thank you for your patients. Uh.
This first one up here is a note from a
patron v I p not a scene suggestion, but a
call to action. Kevin and Gang, you're already You've already
done six of my scenes suggest and so I won't
hog another, but I do have a call to action.

(04:03):
Will someone please make an alchemy this wiki page that
includes a section analyzing each scene suggestion and where that
scene eventually went. Yeah, no, I don't see that happening. Crazy. Yes, uh,
He goes on to say, the crazy directions you take things.

(04:26):
It takes things in so many great areas. For example,
my last scene suggestion of a seance in late eighteen
Hunters resulted in the founding of the Bennigan's restaurant. Change.
Another recent scene started with a newborn care class and
resulted in a tragic ask accident at a cheesecake factory. Okay,
not all your scenes, including Chade restaurants, but those are

(04:48):
the first to come to my mind. I think this
wiki page would be awesome. I'm not expecting James to
do this, as he is so busy with the other
tech stuff the Ninth Wonder of the World, but maybe
an avid listener with time on their hands could take
this up. Love you all. Each alchemist is highly skilled,

(05:08):
has their own talent. But it wasn't until I started
watching the Patron videos that I noticed how great Chris
Avlarado is at realizing when I Seen is slowing down,
and then he grabs the wheel, turning it sharply and
hitting the gas signal. Yeah, yep, you can. You can

(05:33):
die noweez, and now on with our show before Chris.
Almost all of our Seen suggestions are gathered from our
listener emails. If you'd like to submit yours, please write
to the podcast at your name here at al dot com.
That's your name here, do com. Seen one comes from James,

(05:54):
who wrote, I saw this news headline and thought you
might use it. Diego, the artists who saved his entire
species finally retires to an uninhabited island. Diego, libidinous giant
tortoise credited with saving his species, has has retired to

(06:14):
this island off Ecuador after decades of service in a
breeding program. It's estimated he is the patriarch of forty
of his species on his island. Thanks James, not the heat.
Would you like another water with the leaf inside? Sir? Uh? Yeah, yeah,

(06:37):
that sounds nice. It's just it's on us. It's on us.
Thank you. It's it's a little hard to relax, you know.
Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt. Are you Diego? Yeah?
I am wow, I mean crazy running into you at
a ruby Tuesdays. First of all, I can I get

(06:59):
it on growth? Sure, of course, I have a couple
of hours. Okay, good, good, Yeah, that sounds good. Who
should I? Who shouldn't make it out to math? Math?
As I'm as I'm signing this, let me ask you
a question. Have you been seizing every day? I know

(07:24):
that that's your that's your catchphrase, carpe dium, right, that's right,
gathering you rosebuds while you may yeah, well, more of
a dead poet society fan. But hey, I love the movie.
I just it's just important to me. I don't know
if you know, but I sacrificed a lot, and if

(07:45):
you know, you weren't taking advantage of the time you had,
it would be a disappointment. So so far, you just
have the solid down line in the d What do
you mean we're out of leaves? That? It's just I
need a fucking leaf. I need to put a water
leaving there. Well, you should have looked at the board.
It says eight six leaves. So if you don't pay

(08:05):
attention to what we have in stock here at this restaurant,
then you're gonna get a big fat egg on your
face in front of all our customers. Are you all right?
I'm not okay, I'm not okay. I just gotta call
this morning. My whole family moved about telling me my

(08:28):
whole family move. Why would I meet that up? I
don't know what. I can't put move without telling me.
I woke up this morning. There's a note on the counter.
They're gone. Why are you at work? Because I don't
know what else to do? What I've kissed? Okay, No,

(08:53):
we find them because you don't want to be found. Okay,
that's a part of the note said, stop trying to
fix my fucking problems. Okay, you came in here at
the problem. There's no leaves left, so you have to
go back and tell our celebrity v I P customer,
our customer that what what's up? So are you are?

(09:15):
Are you still going to be a gallopagus turtle when
when you're not in the glopatus anymore? That's funny turtle
or tortoise? I'm sorry, tortoise. You're a tortoise. Okay, tortoise tortoise. Yeah,
and that should wrap it. Well, that's just the eye
and the that's the dot in the eye. Look that's

(09:37):
all I've got today for you. But uh, it's just
just you know, take care of yourself. I'm sorry, UM,
I don't mean to interrupt. I was just over there
my meal and I are you diego? I am the diego. Um.
I don't know how to do this, but um, I
think you're my father. Oh wow, Wow, it actually isn't

(10:02):
that exciting. Chances are I am? Chances are, sir? Are
you recording this? Yeah? Is that cool? I mean where
were you from my graduation? Oh? Look, I never got
the talk. I still don't know what I'm doing. And
if anybody's gonna give me the talk, it's gotta be you. Look,

(10:23):
there's so you have a lot of siblings that you
can look to for support. I'm what's your name? Kid?
Morph had it? Thank you? I'm mad of here. I
know I was. I know I was never around for
you growing up. But I just need you to know
that that's going to continue in a major way. Wow,

(10:47):
he really is. He really is starting to leave. So,
I mean, hey, Rudy, h it's Jonathan, just leaving a
message for you. UM, calling in that favor. It looks
like a coworker behind she Uh, she lost her family,
and I'm gonna need your expertise. You're the best private
investigators I've ever known, and your tours with the Navy
Seals as well as knowing how to build and fly

(11:10):
planes and what else have you done? Um expert scupid diver.
I guess that's part of the Seals stuff. That's not that.
You're just one of the best guys I know. And
you're going to fund and stuff and I'm gonna need
your help again calling him that favorite Rudy. Hey, can
you get out of the walk in? Uh trying to restaurant? Yes? Sorry,

(11:33):
just give me a call back. My number is six
six or six nine six four six nine. You're the
line coup. There's orders coming up for you. You gotta
okay ready, called me back on this number. Okay, Uh,
let's see what is cooking? Uh? Got an order of
eggs here? Let's get that was going? Okay? Easy? Easy? Uh? Okay?

(11:59):
Where are the leaves are? You have to leaves? Where
the leaves aren't we I'm sorry? Did you want anything
other than eggs? It's it's uh seventy eight page menu? Um?
Do you have like, um leaves some leaves? Of course,
I'm just oh, crispy, crispy with a little bit of do,
just a little bit of like morning do crispy little

(12:21):
do and uh and the eggs, how would you like
the eggs? Prepare um? Uh? Cooked um in a skelet
with butter. Uh, love a little bit of a lot
of love. I could use a lot of love butter
and a lot of love. Leaves. Yeah, crispy, don't forget
that morning too. I'm sorry? Is that is that? Diego? Yeah?

(12:46):
It'd be great. You'd be great if you could get
a picture with him, wouldn't it. Yeah? I would love.
Can I do that? Of course? Just walk on up.
He's very personable. I just can't walk up to something
like that. I'm sure you can watch. Pardon me, Diego, Yes,
sorry to trouble you. Is there anything else? How's your meal? Great? Great?

(13:10):
Thank you? All right? He's been on his way out
for twenty minutes. Can I get you anything else before
you leave? Can you get this guy away from me?
He's following me. He narrates my every move me. Listen
to your bastard son. Everybody, listen up. I'm not just
leaving this establishment. I'm leaving this entire island. Okay, Oh

(13:38):
my god, trash. I saved up a little dough and
and what's going on? We prepared a song for you
if you are ever going to leave. Hold on, we
practice a flash mark dance and we practice a song

(13:58):
for you. Well, let's because I'm at me, leg This
is part of it. This is part of it. Diego,
suck the blood out of my legs. I'm done helping

(14:19):
everybody else. It's time for diego. No, I'm not getting
your hand off my neck. So much the hurry. I'm
done helping everybody. It's diego. Shut up. They'll call me daddy, like,
go of me, go of me. You brought so much
eco tourism to the Galapagos. I mean we have a

(14:40):
ruby Tuesdays now. It's been incredible for the economy. I
don't know what eco tourism means. Okay, oh jesus, hey,
Becca started to go over your head and all this.
But I contacted a good buddy of mine, Rudy. He's
a survivalist, naturalists Rudy Wednesday. Yeah, Rudy wants We had

(15:03):
that Discovery Channel show Waking Up on Wednesday. Why would
you contact him? Well, your family's missing. What do you
remember what I said after I told you that they left,
that they did not want to be found. Yeah, I
threw a plate at you. That's not what I told you.
Did the plague come from my mouth? It came from
my hand. It's an object of talk about words. But
I told you was they do not want to be found. Okay.

(15:26):
I just thought it might have been like a ransom,
or maybe they were abducted and someone forged the note.
I just wanted to exhaust every option before we know
for a fact that they didn't want you they wrote. Okay,
well that's a little harsh. They wrote a note and
that said they're leaving and they don't want to be found. Okay,
do you understand? And you still called this expert to

(15:48):
find them, and he's already working on it. I don't know.
He hasn't called me back. But it's not even so
this is not even said in stone, is what you're
telling the due? Excuse me? Hello, Rudy? Yeah, who's this?
It's Jonathan. I left your messenge earlier. Why did you

(16:10):
answer it with his name? I just I knew it
was him. I just said hi, Rudy. I didn't one
says like hi, Jonathan, I guess people say that. I
guess people. I guess people do it. But but you
know what I mean, Like, hey, he's not here anymore.
I'm just gonna pick up you know what. Uh, we'll

(16:32):
just do some quick fire h experiments and uh test
runs um and just do your best. That's all I
ask is do your best. Okay, phone ring ring, ring ring?
Answer it? This is the experiment that that that can't
that can't be how you answered the phone. You can't

(16:53):
pick up the phone and said, this is the experiment.
I don't know. So you want me to answer the phone? Well,
the step one? See how you answer a phone? How
many steps are there? What is ring? Ring? Answer the phone?
Hello the fun man. Okay, tortoises, welcome to the father
Tortoise dance now here tortoise and you here with your daddy.

(17:16):
It is time to grab him and shake your little
Why is everybody crying? Well? Where is he? We don't know?
Where are you can talk you for a second, manta,

(17:44):
Can I talk to you for a second? The DJ
over your first Yes, yes, yes, everyone's crying. Everyone's tortoise dad, dude,
fucking insane man, What the fuck is wrong? With you. Look,
I'm getting eighty bucks for this gig. Okay, I'm gonna
start to fucking make it fun. Okay, I thought that'd
be fun. Make it fun, Make it fun for you,

(18:04):
for everybody. Everything you're saying is making the tortoises cry.
All right, they're so sensitive, you guys. You're still right
next to the microphone. We can Why don't you just
play a tortoise slide? We love that? Yeah, I don't.
I don't have you organized tortoise daddy dance and didn't

(18:27):
bring the tortoise slok and like you don't YouTube or
Spotify where you could just pull it up, just saying
it just alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, you want the
tortoise slide. Here it comes the tortoise slide. Move move,
move to speed, right right right. I'm not a sane

(18:57):
number one Holy Toledo scene too comes to a patron
v I P. Kevin, who wrote my scene suggestion in
one word, it's not actually a word, by the way,

(19:18):
fomo fomo. Yeah. So the party is gonna be popping
off around like six or so. My dad, we got
this local DJ coming in really really second, did you
invite everybody. Yeah, I mean most people. You know, the
people you know I want to hear. Did you invite Doug? No?

(19:40):
I did not invite Doug. Well, how's how's dog is
supposed to feel about that? I don't know anymore. I'm
not carrying his goddamn feelings anymore. Okay, every time? When
did that start? When did that start? Last time we
were at when we were at Chucky'scorn? So upset because this,
I feel like I'm getting just like you were with this.

(20:01):
Unless your voice goes up, your your tone is intense,
the speed with which you speak increases. Are you aware
of this? Are you fucking serious? Yes, I'm aware of that,
I'm saying it. Yes, I'm aware of this. So you're
trying to put out these vibes of your annoying me. Stop,
you know, Kyle? You know what, man, I'm so sorry.

(20:23):
I came over for coffee. That's my fault, all right.
Next time, I'm just when you invite me, I'm just
gonna say no, because every time I come over, you
just comment on how i'ms talking, the tone, to speed, everything,
the inflection, and that I feel bad about it is possible.
I'm trying to help you. I don't know you said
that as a question. I don't know. Okay, I hope
you are. You know what. I just I gotta get

(20:44):
ready for the party, Kyle. I gotta get ready for
the party. Okay. So I'm gonna invite Doug and no Kyle, No, Kyle.
I've invited people that I want there. Doug should not
be there. Okay. He is a terrorist. He's a social terrorist.
I think it's give me one example of him being
a social terrorist. The last time we were hanging out
at Chucky's, we were having popcorn pizza, and he started

(21:07):
freaking out because he said we didn't get enough enough
of what he couldn't establish. He was just sweating and
freaking out. Had the manager come over, said that they didn't.
He didn't enjoy any of the platters that we got.
We got several salami plotters, none of them were two.
Is like, I don't know what he just made a
big to do about it. First of all, first of all,

(21:27):
I was there. You don't have to recall the entire
fucking story, alright, just to ask for an example, Yeah,
an example? Excuse me? Could I see a manager please? Yeah? Manager? Oh,
you want to take this. I don't. I don't you
can take this. How many managers do you have with

(21:48):
this chuck e cheese? About four? Why? Okay, that's good,
you're well staffed. My friends ordered these platters and I'm
not said spide with them. I mean as there's like
as they're nothing, not enough, too much salammy. It's not
that big a deal. It's honestly not that big a deal.
We're find it's not that big a deal. I can't

(22:10):
find the salambi I want. Okay, okay, well we here.
It's like they're playing hide the salambi. Okay, touching all
the salami. You're just touching all this. I don't like
this salammy. I don't like that SALAMMI. Sir, please don't
start the salami on the sabby platter? Is this well?
I mean it is chuck of cheese. Hey, Doug, come on,

(22:33):
come on into my office. But all right, uh, congratulations,
you sold more new songs than anybody has this month.
You're doing great, Yeah, I dud yeah yeah, yeah. So
of course you're gonna get a you're gonna get a
bonus from corporate, that's for sure. Sold a ship ton
of altimus. Yeah, that's uh, this one to congratulate you

(22:57):
on that. Let you know you will be getting your
bonus vex terris. Any plans this weekend? Well, now, my
normal weekend is just classic fear of missing out right,
that's the Okay, that's that's your normal. That's that's your normal. Okay.

(23:18):
I just have a feeling that everybody's doing stuff without me.
You just jump in here, um, Steve, you go, ma,
here's an invitation for the party later on, thank you,
an invitation for the what you know, Jared? You know,
Jared doesn't sell a lot of cars, but he's got
that fucking charisma, you know what I mean, he's got

(23:38):
charisma like that guy. I don't see it, honestly. But
what's this about a party? It's just a flyer here,
it's graphic. Let me see this all right? She scribes
all Night Rager Salami planters. Okay, sure, Um, that's want

(24:00):
to make sure I got the order correct. You want
us to write all night Ranger on the flyer? Mhmm,
All Night Ranger yeah, and then just floating dicks. Right,
we got the floating dicks I think pretty pretty well.
But um, couldn't you just put rager? Yeah? But that
that I wanted to like really express it all night,

(24:23):
all night, to be a little less on the nose
all night, just put all night. Hey, I don't see
You're not You're not a fucking editor, you know what
I mean? Just prays the guys question. I mean, look
at this flyer, look at all these pickles. I mean,
this is my kind of party. Yeah, well so I'm

(24:43):
just kind of I just you know, I want something
like affordable, something economic, you know, just something that I
can just take ad get this flyer. Bam, I see it,
I see it. Yeah. Um, what are you driving right now?
If you don't mind me asking, you're trading in something
right now? I'm driving in two thousand and five land Rover.
All right, Well, have you seen a Nissa and Ultima?

(25:09):
I've seen what I mean, you've seen one? Probably? Have
you really looked at one? Probably? No I haven't. I
wouldn't say this got behind the wheel of one. No, no, no,
We'll get in this damn car. Okay, Wow, well this
is really roomy. So what do you lead on any
any shin Diggs this weekend? Um? Well, yeah, actually a

(25:31):
couple of my friends that are getting together. We're going
to just a local Ruby Tuesdays and doing our martinis
and deep fried hallepeen NEOs as we do. Wow, what
a combo. Yeah, it's it's really hard, so we'd go there.
It was a band from the restaurant. Oh my god,
what happened? Oh is there a manager? Is this Ruby Tuesday?

(25:56):
What did you want to know? This is you? This
is all you know? I don't want to do it. Fine, okay,
let's do it together. Okay, okay, yeah fine. I'm here
at this Ruby too. I'm having a burger flight and
uh what, I have to look around and there's tons

(26:17):
of tortoises at this goddamn restaurant and I have to
look at them eating their giant lettuce. Well, I'm sorry.
It is, I think, famously a restaurant that serves both
um tortoises and humans. And then there's illustrations of that
in our advertisements, in our commercials, so they are right. Yeah,

(26:38):
I'm just trying to relax at the Galapagos without seeing
a tortoise for ten goddamn minutes. Why would you come
here if this is the place where you wanted to
not see tortoises? I'm the customer and I'm always right. Um, managers,
can you come into my office place? Yeah, it's so
small in here. You want both in? Here's kind of tight.
Oh my god. Sorry, I'm just touching everyone. My body's

(27:02):
touching everyone right now. Yeah, obviously we're nose to nose
just about here. I'm going to be honest. One of
you has got to go where. We can't afford it anymore.
We can't afford to have two managers on duty at
the same time. Knock, knock, I'm so sorry, Come in.

(27:28):
I just want to drop this invitation. So okay, and
you can't shut the door behind you, but just sorry.
I had pears leg in my mouth. I had in
my mouth. Okay, did you my leg? Yes? I really
need to wrap that up. I'll expose every wound I

(27:49):
want to expose. Not again. I'm not going to get
into this again. Carol, why don't Why don't you and
I leave? Let's let these two discuss what they have
to discuss. I expect only one of you to be
on the floor in ten minutes. Goodbye. Come on, Carro,
Come on, Carol, Carol, let's go in her mouth. Carrot,
let's go get a little wider Okay, let's go. So

(28:16):
what do we do? Why is he making this like
a dark Knight Rises situation? No, do you have to
fight this out? Oh god, I have poor violence and
I'm afraid of that. So I guess that makes me
kind of closer to that man. Yeah, looks like you're
kind of backstory like, well, I lost my parents and Ali.

(28:36):
Oh my god, no way, Well, it looks like another
fomo weekend for Doug. Just sitting home watching reruns of
Wake Up with Wednesday. Do Do Do Do? Do? Do Do? Do?
Do Do do do? This is the experiment, Doug. You

(28:58):
don't know me, but I'm here to give you an
invitation to a part. Are you here? Was like a
voice synthesizer. Yes, it's actually an app. It's pretty easy
to download on your phone. Really, what's the name of
the app? Sn It's by the makers of I don't know,

(29:20):
listen of Couber and a Cooper and the app Cooper
anyway that there's a party one to four lamorader Lane
seven one to four laborader Lane. Okay, lambaradder Lambarado spelled

(29:40):
the traditional way I've left. Yeah, I mentioned any way there.
I was just fiction up my bike. Who the hell
are you, buddy? The hell are you doing here? I
gotta invite to this party. Are you got a invite
to this party here? Huh? One to four Lamorader Lane.
Oh yeah, well, let me tell you something. This is
only for people who are pad stan pat You patched in, brother, Yeah,

(30:04):
you understand what that means. Uh? It means you're doing
a remote voiceover gig. Only. People here were passed in
via ether net into the Worldwide Web. You get you're
all currently running separate sessions. Yes, you have to. Really, hey,
you have to have to have a really good at
home recording studio. You need a microphone, you need he phones,

(30:26):
you need a bit of a sound sucker, all of that. Brother,
what's wrong with the mic that comes with my laptop?
Somebody out of this guy before I get piste corn
in the turret? Are you look at seven o'clock? Promptly?
And I was told the party began at seven o'clock.

(30:47):
I'm here for the party parties here, brother, but we're
not gonna have somebody doing their local recording on a
jankass microphone. This is primo professional work here. Bub feels
like I got by that guy with the scent. Are
you talking about? Someone called? Somebody called me disguising their
voice telling me to go to this party. Did anybody

(31:08):
else hear that? Damon? Okay, cool, so we all and
we're all on the same page with that brother. Who's
the new guy? Shit, the most famous voice recorder of
all time? Give me Cliff, Oh Cliff, my bad patched

(31:32):
in from the hallway. Who's the new guy? My name
is Douglas. Doug. You're not from around here. I didn't
give you a permission to call me Doug. I like
where you shoot from, Douglas. I'm from from uptown. Oh uptown?

(31:55):
I see, I don't. I don't remember you in the
voice over? BI is before? What else have you done? Well,
I've done several complaints at various restaurants. I've sold a
ship ton of Ultima's. You're the Ultimate gain. Oh yeah,

(32:17):
you know me by reputation, Captain Ultimate? Is that you?
Uh sure? Well, damn, I'd like to buy an Ultimately
sell me one well Iman's voice over Okay, look it up, Douglas. Well,

(32:41):
it's just the most affordable car. I mean, this is
this is my voiceover voice. This is who I am. Okay,
I'm not gonna I'm not gonna put on some kind
of phony voice because you want me to. All right,
I'm gonna be who I am. Listen that Captain Ultima.
We all put on voices. I mean that's what we do, right,

(33:02):
I mean that demon thing. I just made that up
one day in order to sell uh hummus. So we
all have to do what we have to do. So
if you want to sell more ultimates, let's try a
couple of voices. Give me like an old time attorney
from the south. Uh, your honor perfect object. That's hey,

(33:31):
I'm the DJ. I'm setting up for the party, the
one with the dicks all over the flier. Oh great, yes,
thank you, thank you, Oh my god, thank you. Where
where is everyone? Uh? They're coming? Uh, they should be coming.
But so you'll see. Yeah, I'm running a little late, obviously.
Sorry about that. Man, It was just no, it's fine,
it's fine. Sorry everyone late of artists crazy? What's up?

(33:52):
What Lamorada boulevartist nuts? Oh yeah, if you haven't always
liked something going on over there, but you'll see. I
dug a hole in the center of the living room.
So I'm gonna have you dropped into their ship. Do
you own this place? I'm renting, so down there, and
I got wires going all the way up here, and

(34:13):
you'll see I screwed in some speakers all in the
four corners of this room. So I don't really want
this to just be like a room that just being
like showered and sound. I don't want you to take
a break, okay, So I want this to continually go in.
I'll have food and water snake down to you, so
that's not gonna be a problem. And there is a
bathroom down there. I've caused a hole in the side

(34:34):
of the wall right down there. You'll see that. You
can stick your peep in and peep in there. And
then there's another hole right over here where you can
just drop of you if you need to do number two.
So no problems there. Wow, this is honestly, this is insane.
This is great, this is cool. Yeah right, well, I
just thought, like, you know, let's have a party. Let's
have a party. Um so, um so when you what,
what's what's the capacity? What are you expecting? What are

(34:55):
the numbers? Oh, my gosh, the numbers right now? What
I'm expecting maybe two or three thousand people. But what
what's probably gonna happen is maybe double that, if I
can be honest. So that's happened. I just word of
mouth and stuff exactly. So I will be putting an
iron grate right on top of the edge right here.
You can see. I have it against the wall here
so people can dance on top. Right. I don't want
this to be the whole thing to be covered. It's

(35:17):
four am, same situation. No one has shown up. You.
Is that your uncle who's he normally comments, I'm speaking
of a tone. You know that. I meet up with
him every morning. I accidentally dropped the flyer he came,
and now he's shaming me the whole night, every hour

(35:37):
on the hour, he telling me he's not he's not wrong.
I think, Um, I mean, I've been playing NonStop. You've
been telling me to play NonStop. So yeah, you've been
doing your job. But it's not all right yet. Hold on, hello, Hi,
it's drug You fucked hard. I'm at a party with
a bunch of patch dead voiceover artists and where now

(36:00):
I had a career. This is the best party. I
already conflicts for luxury automobiles and sports strengths. Okay, cool,
cool man. So I hope, I hope your party's going
fine without me. I hope you're having fomo for a change.
Nobody's here. Ha ha ha ha. No one showed up. Yeah,

(36:23):
because you have pickles all over your flyer and that
scene too. Pickles. Scene three today comes to us from
quote unquote a listener who writes, dear Alchemist, I right
to tell you the same as every other fan out

(36:44):
there I've been following. Wait, Kevin Pollock is reading this
on air. I will make him say whatever I want.
You are my puppet now wa ha ha ha ha i.
Kevin Pollock declared today to be the day in which
tomorrow will be as yesterday was a day when m
teeny awesome red mustache eclipse his fluffy red face. But

(37:05):
I digress. Let's meet the suggestion of unknown listeners. So
this listener's email was really all over the place. He
gave me three suggestions, but I'll stick to one of them.
And if you're asking yourself whether I'm reading this email
aloud or just making something up, I'm glad to tell
you that I leave that to your imagination. So the
suggestion a group of dinosaur friends attend the birthday party

(37:27):
of a religious dinosaur friend who insists on telling them
that the end is nigh. Love and kiss his chicken,
his church A listener. But I mean it was it
wasn't always like that, you know it was what was
the letter? Second? What was it like before the well,
I mean it was everything was cheaper obviously, you know what.

(37:49):
All the prices are rising on different parts of land
as well as different caves, so it's hard to find,
you know something that's like when we were eggs. It's
not the same way we were eggs. Everybody moved to
the least stop stop, every move to the run. This
DJ is like he hates his job. Some of the

(38:09):
instructions confusing, but it's all not that bad, you know
what I mean. I think like with the I think
people are making more money, people are spending more leaves,
you know, so for people, people is what I call
talking about people people in my fingers. It's the word
I made up from my fingers. Uh, and so I

(38:31):
make up a whole bunch of words. Actually, if you
guys want to come in the back, I think you'd
love to see I got a little are we not
in the back in four years. So why don't you
come over the back of the cave. Yeah, check this out,
Look at this, Look at this here. Uh so I
know a lot of us you don't necessarily have something
to lean up on into the sense of like believes
or whatever. But I really, come on, you're not gonna

(38:55):
I don't want to hear this stupid like fake bs
about what's going to happen when we die? Okays, okay,
and the end is coming? Okay we're going to And
what way is the endcoming? How are we gonna all

(39:16):
just disappear? Yeah? You know, it's like a whole planet.
We're all just gonna get snuffed out or something. The
latest population number is have you heard? Have you heard?
How many of us there are? So your suggestion is
at some point the end is just going to occur

(39:36):
and there's no more of us. Yes, yes, clap your hands.
Can someone close that cave door please? So I can?
But what the hell? What is this thing? You gotta naked?
Dinah store? Dinah store on a freaking bone cross? What
the hell is this? Weird? Dude? Now, look everything in

(39:56):
the Dinah stores havelp off. You guys are my friends.
All right, so I think you need in there one there,
it's it's like obviously it's a friend deal. So just
the's any of your weird religious propaganda stuff. Why is
it so ripped? It's got like like so much shape.
Why wouldn't it be Why wouldn't wouldn't the king of
all dinosaurs? Oh my god? Has he been talking to

(40:20):
Rex again? Yes, but it's not that. It's not like that. Everyone,
you know, this is the problem. Everyone here just relies
too much on science. And that's the problem. That's the problem.
There's so much that we can't explain. Science can't explain everything.
Science doesn't know why we walk on to Lager four.
Science doesn't know why we got scalies and the billy um.
When you say science, which one of us are you

(40:41):
referring to? I'm I'm referring to all of us. Honestly,
we don't know. We're all science science. Sorry to interrupts,
sy interrupt. It's snack time. Here's seven wild wild boars. Damn.

(41:06):
That was tasty. That was good. A little bit of
a little bit of Rex I Rex, I bow before
you please, please no nick, no nack. Come on, I'm
I'm ill I'm a I'm a pterodactyl. Obviously, my my
left wing is not working. May will you touch me? Please?

(41:29):
Will you lay your hands upon me? So you come
to me a wounded pterodactyl wanting to be healed. Yes, yes, yes,
you are the king of all dinosaurs. I believe that. Well,
I mean, I'm gonna do what I do, you know
to pretty much everyone who makes this request, which is

(41:50):
I'm gonna eat you. Yes, thank you. Okay, So just
that healing is a euphemism. It's strange that you eat
so many of your disciples and you're you're so jack
abs are just popping out of your your ab I
can see. Okay, just eat me, please take me to

(42:11):
the good side. Is that where I'm going? Professor? I've
unearthed another strange artifact. If I can say that, it's
it seems like you can say artifact. You just said it.
So what do you mean? Yes, Professor, what I mean
is that I'm just saying you made me come into
my office on the weekend. I told you office hours

(42:31):
where Monday from seven and seven fifteen pm. So this
better be good. It is, professor, to bring you in here.
Otherwise I found what looks like a crucifix in a
small dinosaur nailed to it. It's a small hot dinosaur.
This isn't just a small dinosaurs, a small sexy dinosaurs.
The most important part of this is really fucking hot.

(42:53):
This is hot as hell. This is really all jumbled
and I don't know what. I don't want to speak
of term, but I haven't felt anything in my private
part since my wife died thirty years ago, and this
is the first thing to make it feel tingly a
little bit. Okay, all right, so this is big. You've
got to take your thesis on this now. Of course,

(43:14):
I could just use a one claw to slice you open,
but I'm gonna start by gnawing on your healthy wing. Yes, yes, yes,
take me, take me. Tell me I'm the best, You're
the best. Tell me I'm the best, You're the king.
You're the King of Jesus. Kill me. This is gonna

(43:43):
take a couple of days. It's gonna take a couple
of days. Yeah, what is it? Uh? There has been
sighting of some kind of star falling to us. Look, uh,
you know stars fall all the time time, and uh no,

(44:03):
this is this is not a prophecy, all right, it's
not a prophecy. This is not a prophecy. Alright, stop
stop writing down what I'm saying. Okay, stop saying not
none of this. Okay, Look, I've got a pterodactyl that
I'm slowly killing. Can I get back to that? Yes,

(44:25):
all right. You know if somebody wants to draw this
for posterity, so let me get this straight. You too,
archaeologists want to speak to the Pope himself because of
some findings you have. Is that correct, Cardinal? If you
just unravel that cloth, stop peeking behind don't peek behind
the door, Colonel, do me a favor. Unraveled and tell

(44:47):
me if you get a chubby at the same front. Yeah, see,
if you get a Chubbi's ard. Okay, I thought. This
is not going to let you. I'm not letting you
into see the Pope. No, we just want you to
unwrap it. Okay, I don't wrap it where? Who's that? Uh?

(45:11):
No one? Postmates, Your holiest excellency, we are we are.
We are scientists who found evidence that there might be
another Jesus for a pre Jesus. Jesus. You just made
it and I'm sorry. Are you here with my wings?

(45:34):
I do we do have wings? We were going to
eat them, but if you would let us in and
have them, I still count open my brain around it.
This whole Postmates thing, it's a great thing. That's crazy, right.
I accidentally bought unlimited. Now I have it for the
whole year, so I kind of use it more. I
didn't have to pay a delivery for that exactly. But
you can have it. You can have it. So you

(45:56):
brought the wings, thank you, thank you? Yes, but no, certainly, excellency,
we brought something more powerful than wings. I'm confused Postmates. No,
not a way I used Postmates in a way. Did
you get to this audience with the pop? They pushed

(46:20):
past me? Pushed past me. Job, Cardinal Rick, and you're
doing the top and that job and that's very strong.
I don't know they were going to use physicality on me.
I don't know. I understand you're like, okay, I'll go.
My pupil here has made an incredible discovery. And when
I first saw it, I thought no way. But then

(46:41):
I've had NonStop big ones since you show. Maybe a
little more backstory? Um begin where do we begin? I mean,
I guess I started getting into paleontology obviously drastic park.
You know. Look all all I know is I have

(47:01):
at this bag of wings and the address is the
one to Saint Peter Square. Okay, you're not getting in.
What do you mean? And I'm not getting in? Ok
this is the St. Peter Square, right you think we're
going what do you think? Look is a six of

(47:24):
mild wings, six of specy wings, and the six of
barbecue wings. Okay, that sounds like the pups order. This
is the order for the pop Pop John Smurf. So

(47:51):
you guys are just like a riffing stream of consciousness.
Were Swiss guards you're there? You don't sound the Swiss
in a way. Look, I gotta put these wings all
right in the hands of the pope. Okay, you're not
gonna get any of the pope. You're going nowhere I

(48:12):
need yeah, Okay, then the pop and not get his wings. Okay, Well,
don't throw those wings out, don't you. Don't you waste
the food around us? No, that's what I do. If
I can't put it in the hands of the customer,
I put it in the trash. Okay, if you put
those wings in the trashes, what do you mean? You
wanted to us to take it down, all of the crucifixes,

(48:35):
the discovery had you made car Rick Well, first of all,
still waiting on the wings. And secondly, I have a
new u. I feel a new son that I need
to celebrate in the public square of the entire country.
But you want us to take that every painting and

(48:56):
sculpture of Jesus Christ and the Mother Mary, if I made,
they had their time. No, I mean, it's been a
hell of a run, and and I feel like this
is a new discovery is more powerful. It's a way
to regenerate and rejuvenate the the revitalized that the people
and their faith in me, I mean the Lord. Well, okay,

(49:21):
they they're all waiting for you in the square. You
can make your entrance at the big window thing where
you speaking of the square? Are the wings? Look? Look
right now, this is not so we're gonna go see
the pope. But it's great. I can't believe we've got
such a good seat. Where are you going? We're gonna

(50:00):
we gotta good No, no, no, no, no, no, you
just gonna go see the pauper, show me identification. I
scard Look at this. Look come Okay, I'm gonna run
this up right the back. This guy, excuse me, you
have a ward that for your arrest. This American, he's

(50:22):
telling me, I haven't one of that is true? It's true?
Is it true? Okay, listen, okay my microphone, killy, I
did this was a come on? I didn't know. I

(50:43):
thought it was a rock. And you know me, I
can see a rock. I go and let's just smash
that rock. And you don't know. Wait, but you can't
think it's the rock because it's the artist has a
little mouth and moves and a little I have hu
heard ups up a chance to see the oper Hey, look,
I asked, give me okay, I see the pope. I say,

(51:05):
give me leave. Okay, okay, I'm back. Okay all the Americans, no, no, no, no,
my mother, my mother is from behind. I'm not going

(51:28):
to get the pup and his wings. I'm a good
doming down. All these are dark passage ways. There's so
many hidden the corridors here. Hey, hey, you were down there.
You're down there around the bike. Hey, yeah, it's me
in the boat. But you got the wings? Are your holidays? Yes?

(51:49):
I have a your wings. I'll open up the back
of door. You come up the stairs. Okay, I'm gonn
gonna ride my back straight up the stairs. Swift card.
We'll take out the hooter. Somebody has made their way
to take him out the paper. I see the in
through that. He's wearing a long white robe. I have him.
Take your shot. I'm making the noise with my mouth.

(52:13):
Do you hear? Yes? Also public truer No, I have
no gun. What you your wings? There's the poop he's
holding a man. Hold blood, blood, blood, wings, wings, wings,

(52:36):
the ladies and gentlemen. I am the cardinal microphone. I'm
not I have good I have bad news and good news.
Speaking speaking, the bad news. The bad news is the
Paupa is dead. Oh the late big have a good news.

(53:00):
I have a good news. We have a new savior.
This tiny, tiny, sexy dinosaur. I crucifix. Okay, I'm I'm
I'm lubricating you're injured wing with a mild sauce. Oh

(53:24):
you're sick, man, You're sick, and I'm putting a barbecue
sauce on your healthy wing. Jesus, please kill me, please
kill me. Please, You're not gonna kill you For a
couple of days. What's the status of that falling star?
It's getting That's our show for today. It's always been

(53:51):
a fantasy to end on kaboom. I want to thank
all of our alchemists for joining us on this particular outing,
starting with Mr Joey Greer. Joseph, Yeah, is there anything
you would like folks to know? A project or what
have you used where folks'll find you something you'd like

(54:11):
to bring attention to. You know, For the last month
of August, Westside Comedy Theater is gonna be having shows
on Twitch, so please go on there and check out
all the shows before everyone scatters and forms their own
channel whatnot. So what do you say go on Twitch?
What exactly do you mean? I mean, uh, passion to
the Internet. Go to twitch dot tv. I think it's

(54:33):
forward slash into the internet. You mean I mean plug
into it? I mean like tap into that sweet juice
and just siphon that honey and check it out. Go
check that out. And if you're Side Comedy on Twitch,
what's that, come into it? And if you're board, check
out Goodnight on iTunes or Amazon Comedy album Extraordinary for

(54:55):
Mr Joseph career, that's the one Caroline Connor, thank you
so very much for being here today. Thank you. Any
things you would like to mention drop folks attention to
um no perfect, All right, fair enough. I just want
to make sure you had that opportunity. Thank you. Patrick Rowland,

(55:16):
thank you so much for coming back and joining well,
thanks for having me. I don't know that voice came
from anything. In a normal voice you'd like to bring
folks attention to. Actually, I will be hosting a burlesque
show keep talking August at eight pm with Golden Chandelier.
They're going to be doing a tribute to retro futurism

(55:39):
and I'm the host. So, uh, find me on find
golden Chandelier on social media or me Patrick Roland, you're
saying golden chandelier, golden chandelier, Okay, look for that on
your social media's damnit? Gregski. Yeah, that think about Diego
retiring to an uninhabited island made me think about desert I,

(56:00):
which is called because it's deserted, not because it's devoid
of rain or green. You could have a desert island
that is very green and lush. Also, just desserts, by
the way, is desserts because you deserve them, and it
is spelled with one s. It's not spelled with two s.
Is i e. You get cakes and pies when you
get your just desserts. You get your just desserts spelled

(56:21):
like desert but pronounced dessert. Thank you so much for that, Craig,
honestly and truly, because almost every other day Chris Alvarado
emails me and has these random questions and you just
keep nailing them one after another. So thank you, Alarado.
Well me, dumb, dumb um me spent six years at

(56:44):
a community college, so that's true. But if you're if
you're bored and you're listening to the good Night Audio album,
why don't you swing by my website? Okay, think a
look around, know what I mean? Look at my head
shots and stuff. You know, that's that's Chris. I mean,
it's been there forever, nothing's change. It's Chris dash Alvarado

(57:07):
dot com. I will tell you this I got this
is what I mentioned. It is because I got an
email saying one person found your website through Google and excited. Sobye,
listen to good Night Album and then just like that's
your that's what you're listening to and what you want
to see is Chris dash dot com. Then go to

(57:28):
Golden Chamelier right on. Yeah, let's thank our engineering producer
of the stars, Mr Doug Bain, the fine folks that
I heard media. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock reminding you
to please wear a mask when you go outside. Be
kind of each other, look out for each other. Damn it.
Let's have each other's back. I have your back, feel it,

(57:51):
say it, believe it until next time. And I love
this and I pull