December 6, 2018 • 60 mins
The strange and/or mundane world of Doctors and Dentists is more than explored. Hell, it’s probed! Then it’s the set of an indie horror film shoot, where too much is shared. Next up is a cult recruitment effort on the sidewalk at Venice Beach, which leads to county lock-up, and ultimately a man you’ll not soon forget, named Tinko.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to alchemy this. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes
that Kevin Pollock. What's that You have a script for
me to read? I'd love to, but first this. Over
the years, I've been damn hell lucky to see my
fair share of true alchemy. By definition, alchemy is when
a person creates something through a seemingly magical process. And
(00:25):
my dear ding dong's and ho hoes, Like I said,
I've been witnessed to the stuff on several occasions. An example,
you ask sure if you're gonna be a horse's ass.
Let's see. Uh oh, here's one. The names Mathou and
Lemon may sound like the fresh fish of the day
to you, but every day on the set with those
two meant studying at the feet of great alchemists. But
(00:46):
I digress, folks. Not too long ago the idea hit me.
What if I brought together the right creative people and
ask them to make shut up based on my own twisted,
demented ideas that offered it as a podcast of this
seemingly magical process, And what if I call that alchemy?
My boy, you don't look a thing like me. Well,
after months of tinkering, I'm so very proud to welcome you,
(01:08):
dear friends. New episode seven of Alchemy. This let's meet
a group of alchemists, shall we, in no particular order,
say hello to Chris Alvarado? Chris, why does John wu
need white doves to to take flight in his film?
It's symbolism? Yes? And uh? Turning up the next is
(01:28):
Vanessa Raglan Venete. What do you get the nerve? Oh?
I got it from my mom. Look everyone, it's Joey Greer.
Hey Greer co When is enough too much? When it?
When it is? That's exactly right? Uh? Somebody help him down?
And what would a super team like this to be without?
Mr Craig Katkowski Craig Massion when you're coming home? Uh?
(01:53):
Them coming home in the fall one of the last
but foodie on you if you're thinking ladies, Mr James
c James, can I call you in Nigo Montoya? That
was my father? So good number one? Yes, everyone loves
(02:16):
to go to the doctor and or dentists. First up
a doctor played by Vanessa with an next ray for
a patient played by James. Oh, sorry about that. Mr MacArthur.
That's fine, that's my text tone. Okay, it's fine I'm
just you said it was really important what your friend
is sending me the silliest little what are they called
(02:38):
when it's a picture but it shutters, it's an emoji. No, no,
it's a real picture and it shut it's a gift. Yes,
we're still in that phase where that is. Texting is fun.
I had to take an early lunch break for work
to come down to see you. I don't know what
this has gotten me kind of nervous. Well you should be. Um.
(02:59):
Let me just pull your file which I put put
it over. Um Andy, Andy, Um, where where are the files?
I had all the files and a stack and there
were X rays on. I took them home, but just
now to organize them after breakfast. Yeah, I went home
real quick to organize them. Well, Andy, I needed those. Okay,
(03:22):
I will be right back. Okay, thank you. Um so
you and I Dr Shrine Just you must remember what
it was. Can you just tell me here? I am Oh, wow,
that's right upstairs. I forgot Okay, thank you very much.
And that's not a violation of any codes. So may
I call you Arthur? I would prefer it, yes, because
(03:45):
we're about to get pretty personal. Um. Let me turn
not there we go. Now, um, if I just you
see what I see? I mean, it's to me, I'm
just a layman. I guess I don't know what I'm
looking at. Next right, it's next y, very good one
for you, Andy, mark one up for Arthur. Um But
do you see all the tumors? I don't wish what
(04:06):
parts the tumors? O? God, how many are on there? No,
it's mostly two where well, you're just the bubbling of
your skin. And what we found out is it's caused
by just all the tumors. Are you sure? Yeah? Pretty sure?
Can you just point one of the tumors out of
the ones right there? But they're popping out from underneath.
(04:31):
We got good news and bad news. Arthur, Arthur. I'm
gonna need get to calm down, Arthur, Arthur. You're in
my office just staring the people in the waiting room. Arthur.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't oh, can't
(04:53):
quite cross this day. He's not a family, so do we.
You can't be born without having a family. It's not special. Listen,
what I can tell from the X ray is we've
got to do a little poking around in there, a
little prodding because we've got tons of tumors. It sure is,
(05:19):
and it's got just grapes worth. But if we get
in there, you know what, we could find out. It's
not as bad as it looks. We can You're still functioning,
you're still crying, speaking, driving. You just have some headaches, right,
that was your main symptom. Was there anything else that
was well? Yeah, the headaches, but they are bad headaches.
(05:41):
Well obviously because your skull is bursting with tumors we've
made No, it could be much worse. Really, yeah, I
could know what the tumors are. We don't know that yet.
So I just wanted to schedule a surgery for a
s A possible, but were it in here the day?
Let's do this, Okay, Well, like today is not great
(06:06):
for me, but uh oh, and then me and Dan
are going to Cancoon tomorrow. But I get back on
the following Wednesday. Okay? Is that too long? Well, I
don't know, because I honestly don't know what's in there.
So Arthur, you're getting a kind of bedside relationship most
doctors don't provide anymore. So I would change your attitude,
(06:28):
thank you so much. So I get back Wednesday going
to be a little jet lagged. I can get in
there Thursday. And by get in there, I'm gonna need
a sucky thing. Andy, are you getting this, Yes, we're
gonna need a sucky thing. We're gonna need more pokey
things than the usual. We're gonna need a few buckets.
And um, bring the family. Bring the family. I think
(06:49):
you should definitely bring the family, and they can meet
my family. They're all upstairs. Yeah, Andy's family. They're very
warm people, too small, but warm small. They're shorter than normal.
So I will see you Thursday. It's all good. Um,
and we'll just get in there, poke around see what
oh do you want to see? Or no? I respect
(07:12):
that I don't want to see it and up until
next Thursday. Some advice would be, um, you know, if
you're not like doing what you love, maybe change that.
Just do all the things you love. You've got to
weaken some change to really live your life. Just in case.
We don't know. We don't know. Okay, do you mind
(07:34):
if I sit? Uh? No, we we do mind. You're
a little shaken up just to drive and take him
out the back door. Yeah, we do not validate. I
hate to say that, but we don't validate you. You're
out of the office to say that poorly on me?
What have a cast role going? Oh, thank you your potato.
Come on, Arthur, O. Best of luck this next I
(07:57):
hope I see Thursday. And now we switch over to dentistry.
It's a buffet line of a dentist conference any two. No,
I mean, that's what I've been telling him. It's it's
it's not about the gums per se, right right, you
gonna gonna dig a little deeper. You gotta get down
to the roote. God, I haven't seen you since was it?
(08:21):
When was it? When it was two years ago? Wyoming
Dental conference? Was blarmi, larmie. That's where it was. You
gave that fantastic talk on man with head gear versus
face geary And the conversation continues, Well, well, I know
where you are. I know where you are on that
(08:42):
on that side of the line. Let's right out to
come to blows this one. Okay, Okay, I'll keep my
head gear away from your face. I'll get my face
gear wait from your head gear. I'm trying to get
to the potatoes. Okay, Well all right, you just just
standing in front of the poto so you can walk around.
But then if I go around, I won't get making
to the potatoes. You know. One of the fantastic things
(09:05):
about it is that it's it's not only yeah, we
we're trying to solve a problem in two different ways. Yes, right,
And what do they always say? Competition breeds insanity, nipple
(09:25):
nips every time. Oh yeah, I'm here with potatoes and
we'll clear for you to get some taters. Hey, hey,
pal let, thank you? Hi, chivelry please? Oh my good
(09:45):
you Okay, I'm fine, I hope I'm fine. Is there
an issue? Is there? I'm pretty sure this is a
conference for dentists. I'm a dentist. Oh I don't. I
don't know your face, California. That's rude dreams a snarl
(10:06):
Master gavities are insano? Oh great, that was good. It
sounded similar to incano like that. That's what I was
working on, Nile. Excuse me, you're bleeding from your shirt. Jesus, hey, Steve, Yeah,
I'm getting real sick at this conference every year turns
(10:27):
into a goddamn front party. That's dentistry. No, if you
didn't want this, why didn't you get to be a doctor.
I'm going to change it today. Okay, you in. I mean,
I've been kind of an outcast. You're the only one
that accepts me. That's what I'm saying. What do we
change stuff? Why don't we become the poppetar? Yeah? Yeah,
I've always wanted to be popular. But your frides her
(10:48):
own backwards. Okay, that looks good. People are looking at
me now late I'm gonna well, okay, that's part of it.
I'm gonna turn my jacket inside out. That looks weird.
We can't put it back. It looks weird. Put it back. No,
it's it's cool. Actually, you know what if we both
do it inside how, it'll be like criss Cross used
(11:09):
to do. All right, let's go okay, all right, now
it's march over to the potatoes and take those motherfucking potatoes.
You got it all right, And so I said, rooke
it out. You're gonna eat potatoes. Unbelievable. Who who are
(11:31):
these new guys? And seeing no dreams? Smile? Same guy? Yeah, represent,
you guys got a problem. Nipple is bleeding through your jacket.
Oh I like to taste the blood, but my patients
never tasted good. Yes, you don't do much surgery. That's
(11:52):
my slogan. Okay, now, if you don't mind, my buddy,
and I'm not a dweet, I want some god damn potatoes.
All right, there's some over there. Those are the same ones.
M all right, see you guys, pleasure man, that's fun.
Your hands full of blood. I'm not going to touch
(12:12):
your hands. Yeah, come on, what did you just say
to me? Hey, come back? Just something sticking out of
the back of his pants? Can you get that? Friend? Yeah,
don't touch me. That's called a super wedging, calling us losers.
We're fucking dentists. I've only got so many pairs of
underwear here, guys, this is a convention. Yeah, where do
(12:35):
you practice, loser? I'm an Encino. Well, you guys have
never been to in Sino? Does somebody say a town? Yeah? Why,
I need some backup. This guy and this woman touched
my underwear and now I've probably got streaks all over him.
That's disgusting. Where are you guys from anyway? Beverly Hills?
(12:57):
Have you ever heard of it? Oh my god, it's
very close to Yes allahabra alah, that's right. What state
is that? In. It's close by. Don't worry about it.
It is very Californian. And where are you from? Sherman Oaks? Okay, yeah,
that's like the that's like the poor man since here, Sherman. Nope,
(13:21):
push Wait did you push me after you said Sherman Nope,
After I said push, I push. You don't push on? Nope,
you push on? Push, you idiot. Used to be a
conference about learning from each other and and and and camaraderie. No,
it's a conference about straightening things up. Where'd you get
(13:44):
a scalp? But you're a dentist. I got one from
the street. Do it. I'm going to do it. Don't
let him throat, do it, get away from the potatoes,
do it? Do it? Do it? Give me that back
before more blood with shed. We take you two. In fact,
Sherman notes at a Barnes and Noble, we're best selling
(14:07):
doctor slash author? Is that a book signing? As people
line up to Edna, Please to Edna, thank you, she's
a huge fan. This is a thank you, Thank you
so much. You're welcome, darmin hand Gret, How are you?
Who am I making this out to? Um? You canna
make it out too like, what's your favorite name? I
(14:30):
guess blank, thank you, thank you great. I gave you
your book back. I didn't notice. Hi hi, oh, I'm sorry.
Did I elbow in the face. I just want to
(14:51):
say that your book changed my life. UM. I'm never
going to go to the doctor again because I was
able to diagnose myself of via your book. Good and
now I'm not wasting time, you know, googling ailments of
like everything's right there in the book. I'm pretty sure
I have I have low grade inflammation. UM. I don't know,
(15:13):
but I don't know if I if you want me
to go through my symptoms or anything or UM. I
get constant headaches, I have, I have hives all over
my body, depression. UM, I'm I'm an addict. UM addicted
to a lot of things, you know, screen time, UM, cocaine,
(15:36):
and UM. I also there there's a slight. There's a
weird thing going on with my ankle. So I don't
know what it is exactly, but it's a little sore,
like mostly in the mornings. Once they start moving around,
it starts to feel better, but it's always really sore
in the morning. What do you think that who should
I make this out to Edna. This man is having
a heart attack. Is there a doctor here? Doctor? Dr?
(15:57):
Can you help us out on? Let the heart attack?
Patient diet us themselves first? Wait, what do you think
you're having a heart attack? I can't tell. I just
can't feel my arm. Then everything wants we should all
settle down until we know for sure that they know
they're having Okay, we I'm gonna look through your book here. Okay.
Chapter two, My chest ums closing. Are you in pain? Check? Okay?
Go to chapter four? Okay four. Chapter five says, trust
(16:20):
your gut. What does your gut say? Okay, gut says
heart attack? Okay. Chapter four says, uh, look inside and
are you making this? Get inside? Somebody get inside him.
Somebody get inside him right now to make sure he's
I'm making it out. Open your mouth. Do you feel anything?
(16:40):
I feel back at the throat? Okay, So wet? Is
it dry? It's okay? Does that mean it's hard or soft? Soft? Okay?
Do you find ripple edges or do you find course edges? Course? Okay?
That gentleman right there is having a heart attack. I'm
gonna buy another copy. All right? It did? Uh well, yeah,
(17:02):
he just had a heart attack, The doctor said, so.
I just said, so, I guess they don't need to
do an autopsy, which is great. Yes, that says something straightforward.
I don't usually do this, but um, you canna do
a reading. I'll do a reading everybody, just in an
Indian style, or however you feel more. I realized then
(17:27):
that it was up to me, and only me, to
make a change in the medical field. Why is it
that a doctor takes an oath but then forgets that oath,
as if the oath wasn't even an oath, more of
something said at the very end of graduation. In order
to get to a degree and then to leave to
become a doctor, I decided to make my own oath,
an oath that started with a word and ended with
(17:49):
a punctuation, an oath that would summon a new era,
a time in which all of us could say these
words with that punctuation. But to come up with the
words and the proper punctuation would take time. It would
take effort, it would take focus. I realized at that
moment that I had to go back home to where
everything began and see, no, California, Let's travel all the
(18:20):
way to Albuquerque, New Mexico, where a low budget horror
film is being shot. We first joined our wardrobe supervisor Joey,
who's with the female lead, Vanessa in her trailer. Well,
why isn't it fitting? Right? Everything I've given you so
far is in the dimensions you've given us. I've dyslis that. Okay,
(18:45):
so I'll just flip the numbers then, okay, you seem
so uncomfortable and well the dress hurts. Okay, Well that's
just the film. You're gonna have to be wearing uncomfortable things.
You know, you're you're you're, Oh, what's going on? Nothing, Jessica?
(19:06):
What is it? What is it? Friends and movie start
just a close guy? Positively you couldn't understand with I
don't know your startup. I don't you know that. I
don't know, but I know emotion and I know feeling hurt.
(19:27):
H Yeah? What is it? Is it? Is it directors
as the other actors m M closer closer? You family? Okay?
Is that? Yes? No? No, it's craft services, someone on set,
someone production, production, production production okay, production production team, okay,
(19:48):
this is the writers, this is this is okay? Even
more on set people lighting? Uh? Set design, wardrobe, wardrobe, wardrobe,
do you mas, I'll be right there. Wow the way
you can just switch over there. I'm an actor. I
can do that in death. I want stop acting in
(20:10):
real life. Jessica Vanessa, please, and Jessica inside of Vanessa
out there, and you know it. I know that feel
with me here. I'm just a wardrobe guy. I feel cloth.
I don't feel emotion. That all tell me a good
feeling emotion. Just moments ago, I could feel it. Why
(20:31):
it's dresses, these pants, these blouses, They're all making me
hate my physical phone and to do my best out there.
And I have to know, I have to believe i'd
you are you are? You're making me feel puffy? No, no, no,
it's the it's literally the costumes that are puffy. It's
not you. Why puff your your your smoke creature. You
(20:52):
you puff out what you do, smoke creature. Let's take
a salt. On the opposite side of the set, as
the director and played by Chris is sending a video
village watching take after take and cuts good guys back
to one. Please that was really good, fucking garbage. Wait,
let's get away from the sturdy. No, no, no, no, no, no,
(21:14):
this is my fucking set. Everyone can know what I think,
and I think it's garbage. Okay, it's just the moral
I went to the University of Southern California. Yeah, but
I made three short films. I think I know what
the funk I'm doing here. They were great, they were fantastic. Listen,
when I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
(21:37):
Oh I see, I see. Yeah yeah. So why don't
you just hold that script and make sure they get
word for word. Well, some of this is grammatically incorrect.
It's hard for them to say these things because it's
just not the way people talk. Well, here we go again.
All right, guys, we all set and word for word.
If they anybody messes up one word, let me know.
(22:00):
Mm hmmm. Action. This town has over run with zombies.
What are we gonna do? Shaff Where are we going
to kill them? We're going to kill them one goddamn fucking,
mother fucking cunting zombie at a time. Jesus. Some of
(22:20):
those people are family cut cut cut cut, cut cut cut.
Profanity seems excessive. It's oh, you're a writer, Bob came
here here, Bob, don't do it. I didn't know. I
didn't know everybody. Bob is also a writer. Here script, script,
don't script? Actually I have done some writing. Well, great,
here's a pen, and why don't you go ahead and
(22:40):
rewrite this scene. We'll wait. I'm just wondering if we
can cut hunting. It's particularly who it is. Hey, you're
the writer. Now, all right, I'm going to and I'm wondering.
My part is mostly just hissing. And what are you wondering?
While I know in the Smoke Monster, but I was
also told I was the lead, and yet here I
am in a puffy, puffy outfit hissing. Well, maybe Bob
(23:04):
will write you some more dialogue. Um, well, I I
don't know that that we need to get into that.
I don't want to give notes to a fellow act
It's not giving notes, it's giving me lines. Bob. I'd
like lines. I'd like human words to say, when's the
last time either of you felt something five minutes ago?
Right now? I mean, really really felt something right now.
(23:25):
I feel very frustrated, very confused. And yet I see
none of that on camera. I see you doing your
impression of what you think in actors should be doing,
rather than having organic moments coming alive on screen. He's masturbating.
That's not cool. I have my process, you have your process.
(23:48):
Maybe we go back to wanting to another take. All right,
all right, this is the man. This is the man
I listened to. This is the man that I gotta
keep things moving. This is the man I listened to.
This Back up, Oh my god, okay, back to one.
Here we go, roll soup action. There's zombies all over town.
(24:11):
What are we gonna do. Suff We're going to kill
him one zombie at a time, one god damn fucking
motherfucking zombie at the time. But some of them might
be our family. Look out, there's a smoke monster. What's
(24:32):
your name? What's your name? Chim Chim? All right, chim Chim,
let me ask you a question. So you think take
for take, you can just switch up your axe and
you can come willy nilly. You've got to write in
fairness to Chim Bob just got to write what's your
name again? Just Vanessa and Jessica. Yeah, that's confusing to
all of us. While I have one name in my
(24:53):
trailer and one name on the set. So Vanessa right now,
it's great, Thank you. I feel amazing about my performance.
I love the role. And your ward is really tight.
It's really tight. Thank you Troy for that's a good oufic.
Now you Chim. Jim's doing great. Oh I'll ask him
if he is. How do you? How are you feeling, Bud?
All right? Where'd you train? By the way, Um, Jim's
(25:17):
a local high Yeah, I kind of just trying to
open my buddies and by the park. We do we
do put on play for each other. Oh God, put
that away. This is real. This is outsider actor. This
is what happens. This is chief. What are you tack
to the ones? Okay? Okay, I will finish eventually. Hey,
(25:40):
here we go. I'm thinking this is the one. Guys,
I'm watching the script. Okay, action as zombies all over
this town? What are we gonna do? Shut up? Uh well, Jim,
we're going to wait. God, God, did you use his
(26:01):
real name? Is that cat be? His real name? Is
that part of your real his real name? It's my
real name, Jim Macary. My my father named me after him. Okay,
what was his name? Jim? One last idea? One last idea?
You're all inspiring me, Okay, get rid of the script,
(26:22):
Jessica Vanessa, you want to use words, you use words.
I felt it's been weird holding it in every scene
as well, so well that's on you, Chimp. I didn't
have a script because I just had to hiss, so
this will be fun for me. Thank you? Great? Then
what the hell am I supposed to do? I'll tell
you what we're supposed to do. You're supposed to go
(26:43):
pull the out my zipper and get me the funk
off before this next take ends. First day, here we go.
I'm loving this Action's bees and smoke, monsters all over
this goddamn town. What are we gonna Doh well, Chim macary,
(27:07):
just like your father before you, you're going to kill
these zombies, these cutting zombies. Yes, yes, cut we got everybody.
We got just in time, and I mean just in time.
(27:28):
Did you get somen you? I was fucked up. Anybody
that's real life guys to take you? Now? Did you
really have to jerk off to the that's called professionalism, Joseph,
thank you by avowal. This is a cult recruitment Kiosk
down at Venice Beach, California. I feel fresh, I feel refreshed.
(27:54):
Which level you want I'm still basically just yesterday. Yeah,
I did hear. You can like level up pretty quickly
if you if you accelerate the stars. Oh, you know
the thing that they're talking about about accelerating the stars.
It's not as easy as it sounds. Your nose is Oh,
(28:15):
that's okay. Isn't the beach beautiful? Let me see? What
do you? Let me see? I want to take a
moment to look at the beach. I'm sorry to interrupted.
I'm looking for the famous weight lifting place. I just
want to get some You have some weights in um,
maybe you want to lift some spiritual weights with us
(28:36):
right now? Well, yeah, i'd love to. Yeah. Have you
felt loved before? Yeah? Yeah? Have you been safe? Yes?
Has anyone ever touched your hair really really slowly so
you could feel like there's life in every strand? I
don't know. Have you thought that the beach looks beautiful?
I don't know. Take a look. Let me look good?
(29:00):
M hmm? What do you think it's beautiful? The ocean
is beautiful. I'm basically we're both. Um. Hey, do you
like clubs? Yeah? Me too. Do you like friends? Cool?
Which way to the yeah? Which way to the are
(29:20):
you afraid of dragons. Yeah, do you respect things you're
afraid of? Yeah? Will you put your hand in front
of your face? If your hand is smaller than your
don't have cancer. Put your hand from your face. Place.
Oh this is bad news. Why you're sick. I mean,
(29:45):
don't worry. We're all sick. You're going off scraped. I'm
feeling it right now. Do you joined the day? We
don't do that? Oh? Hello, my children, looks like we
have a new friend. Who's our new friend? Here? Oh?
I should get out of here. No, you come here table.
(30:08):
I would love to introduce you to Mortal number five.
Mortal number five thirty two. Come here, hug me. My
name is Dennis. Alright, come in for a good hug.
You feel that m Yeah, Trudger's hair wall I hug him? Dable,
(30:28):
I haven't. I still haven't gotten my name yet. Okay,
you'll get it soon. Let' let me finish this hug out.
Your hair smells good. Five thirty two. Dennis doesn't say
that to everyone. Oh, Dable, he's afraid of Oh here,
you can let me here, but you put your hand
(30:49):
in front of your face. Okay, I already found out
I have good who showed you what I was supposed to.
I didn't mean to overset my bounds. That's usually what
I do. Well he did it, so I really appreciate
him helping me out. And I didn't get your name,
but thank you. Well, my name is Dayweight, Day and
(31:10):
think actually, if you like my teachings, perhaps we could
take a little two minute walk. Excuse me, excuse me, Dayweight,
your number number four six or four thirty six, you
were out of line. Thank you. I'm gonna get out
of here. No, no, no, thirty two, stay four thirty six.
(31:33):
I want you silent, silent, and I can still talk.
Of course, day Woe. The helicopter is prepared. Okay, well
we better go number number one eleven escort us. Now
I'm just gonna go to the gym. Two. You gotta
come with us, Come with me, Come with me if
(31:55):
you want to live the same place I want to
get on the helican. It's so beautiful. You'll love it there.
Do you like the ocean? Do you hate dragons? We
all hate dragons. We all hate dragons. And we've got
a helicopter to Catalana, Catalana, CATALANAA everyone beat on your
(32:18):
chest to simulate the sounding about helicopter. That's what it's
gonna sound like when we're there. Okay, there's the helicopter. Day. Well,
I'm not going you have to come. I'm not deal.
He just joined yesterday. He doesn't need to come. That's right,
it's no big deal. So just let me go. Let
him go back at the Venice Police Department day one, ever,
(32:40):
the new recruits name was the way speaks to an officer.
I mean, I don't know. Is it kidnapping? I mean
I was there voluntarily, but like you were there voluntarily
and then you left voluntarily. Yep, I'm gonna say it's
not kidnapped. Well, hold on, hold on, sir, sir, sirs,
one more second. Yea. Um. But but while I was there,
(33:01):
I felt uncomfortable in They told me I should stay
m hm. So I'd like to press some kind of charges.
Is something illegal happened? For sure? Okay, did you witness
anything legal? Um? Didn't give me an example of something
you saw that I might have been. I think one
of the members has a weed card from the weed doctor,
(33:23):
and that's like, that's not a real doctor. No, it's
not a real doctor. But you know, it's totally illegal
in Los Angeles, San in Venice. Now, I mean I
have a weed card. Look it sounds like this is
something you want to talk about with a therapist. No, no,
I think somebody should be arrested. Maybe I should arrested.
I'm not going to arrest you. Please. Somebody asked me
(33:43):
to be arrested. Hey, I'll take him, alright, may I? Alright?
Thank you? Good luck, good luck? Pound turn you over
to Carl. Oh you're cute, aren't you? What you do? Huh?
I was abducted, but now you are. I may start
doing some abducting and I don't feel safe. You gotta
(34:05):
start doing it? What I might start abducting people? Carl,
look at me. I am looking at you, but closer.
No please? No, oh, all right, come on, wow, wow, whoa. Look,
I'm a little out of sorts right now. Okay, I
spent a lot of time. Was g g one quick question?
(34:31):
Are either of you afraid of dragons? I don't like
That's what I'm thinking. I don't like him in the show.
But I like that girl. Yeah, I like you know
when she's there, I don't I don't feel as scared
of specter. So yeah. No, so you're not afraid of dragons? No,
(34:52):
because if Colicy can control them, then what have we
to fear? Okay, well, this has been a weird little moment.
You're reston. Oh I'm still arrested for sure. Yeah, you
went through intake with him. I've got cuffs on you.
This is you're a prisoner now. That turned you over
to Carl And once you're with me, I get to
do whatever I want. No more smooth ching, no more,
(35:14):
one more shut up. Let me ask you something. Is
this better or worse than being in a cult? It's worse? Okay, alright, good,
because that's what we're aiming for. The you go, yeah,
because if it's isn't this kind of like a cult?
Don't you follow rules the Venice Police Department? Right, So,
(35:37):
I mean we follow, you know, the laws of the state,
the regulations within the force, and then we have our
own sort of vibeing out sort of thing we do
when we don't know exactly where something falls, we just
vibe it out. Okay, So that sounds like a brotherhood
of sorts. Yeah, kind of like a bro code. Yeah,
but we also have women that we include. Sure, because
we got it now, and are those women and dogs? Yeah?
(36:01):
The dogs are like people. They're so amazing. So do
you not do you eat the dogs? Do you sleep
with all the women here? Okay, you're right, it's not cold.
I thought I thought I was trying to. I'm just
gonna lock you up now. If that's okay under what charges?
You said you wanted to be a prisoner in here?
(36:22):
There's just no fishing. Brought it for me. Oh he
turned himself and have fun. Tinko. You know what they
call me, Tinko? Let me guess all right, um, you
would like to tinker with trains? They call me Tinko.
You know why they call me? Dayway? I don't know,
because I'm the next tell me of the colt leader
(36:45):
or something that. Oh my good? Oh whoa, what the
what the fun? That's a greeting. No, it's a greeting.
It's a greeting. It's okay there. Yeah, this guy's just
trying to get him in my mouth. You can for
me too. The fuck. Hey, it's not messing where your
train set, tink Nobody messes when my training is sick.
(37:08):
Come here, yeah, come here. You know what model train
that is? It looks like I mean, I'm guessing here
in that's exactly right. That's exactly what a lot of
people don't get that. They think it's in eight hundred.
Well I could see because that's the two lines on
the lights. Yeah yeah, I mean it seems like you
(37:30):
want a problem here, but I feel like this is
all good. Don't kiss me. Come on, anybody wants some
cat food? Oh yeah, snake it through the bars. There
you go. Oh, this one's wet. Get it what you
can get away? You can't's wet. I'm not eating. I'm
fasting for weight loss. Oh give him two days. It's
gonna make craving that cat food. You know that money?
(37:55):
He tink your one thousand? Just got it? Oh, just
when you wants to put it, I'll leave it outside.
I'll play with the stick in here. First enough, think
of what you What did you do to get in here?
I'm murdered a whole bunch of people. But people, they
seem to love you here. Well, it's it's charisma, personality.
You know you got that that X factory? Now you do. Come.
(38:16):
I'm serious. That's a thing about a vibe makes you
a question. Sure you ever thought about running your own Colt,
You've got that thing, man, I don't know. When I
was a kid, and then when I became a teenager,
and then when I became a young adult to hear you,
and then when I became an adult, I thought about
a lot of things, and sometimes I would wonder, why
(38:40):
not be a part of some kind of institution where
my voice was king? Right? You know what? I'm gonna
sit in front of you a cross apple sauce. Why
can't I Why can't I be the conductor not only
my lives but everybody else's lives? Hey, do you guys
mind if I listen into your conversation from next door? Yeah,
come on in. I can't come through the bars, but
I'd like to just listen. I like what you're saying.
(39:00):
I'm gonna sit Chris cross hips us. Please keep coming
your instructions for us. Anybody want to drink out of
a Gerbil water bottle? Oh yeah, oh yeah yeah? A
little steel ball tickles? Don't who's next? I'm fine, I'm
finally Carl, Carl. Have you heard Tinko actually speak? Tinko?
(39:24):
He just tink us with trains. He can't speak to
say he likes the cap Tinko, Come on for yourself,
tell your story. How did you get in? Yeah? No,
but why are you in jail? He looks a little cute. Oh,
I just shoplifting on Fanta speech. That feels right. I
thought it was done. No, thank you, Tinko. Where was I?
(39:50):
You were a kid, and then you were it was
a teenager, and then it wasn't a dolt. I gotta
go by talk about out of things I did. This
is stupid, stupid. It's actually the most important thing I've
ever heard. Hey, day where you posted bail? A bunch
of people are here to bail you out. Hey, take
(40:14):
this uppportunity. Take this up for someone leaving you. Hey,
you are my safe here now. I got consecutive life
sentences and I'm stuck in this venice. Who do I
gotta kill? Come on, I'll kill this kid. I want
to stay here. No, stop, you can't do that. She's right.
(40:37):
You can tell me what I gotta do on my
way out. Follow your dreams, believe in yourself. I always
know that there's another train around the bend, but you've
got to lay down the tracks first before it gets
to you. And so what if it doesn't got cold?
Doesn't got steamer, doesn't get gasolene. I think that would
make it a twelve exactly. You know what your trains man,
(40:58):
the guy with a shaved head, robe, bunch of people
in robes. They're all very insistent. You come out. Okay, okay, okay, Tinko. Yeah,
I'll be back. I hope not park that helicopter on
the roof. Yeah it sounds just like that. Okay, bye Tinko,
Bye bye, Honey, Tinko at his seventeen parole hearing a hello, y'all. Hello,
(41:37):
I've made model trains for everybody. Oh, it's very nice
for your tank and Thomas the tank engine will put
everyone's face on the front, so that's very cute. Not
like Thomas the tanking Socialist is topian nightmare. It's just
a cartoon. Well that's you, man, that is me. But
I'm allowed to have an opinion. You are allowed to
(41:59):
having to pay. I can have things about anything I want. Yes,
that's true, Thank you very much. I think some people
could argue you couldn't help but have an opinion. I
think some people could argue you're being um argumentative. Okay,
well let's let's let's get into Tinko's case. Uh, Tinko,
it's good to see you again. Thank you again for
the trains. Now, you murdered a bunch of people, lots
(42:20):
of so I just have telling marks here. I can't
quite count them up, but it looks like a lot
of lines. Yeah, so that's one to three four slash
slash three. Yeah, I don't know, it's hard. It's hard.
Somewhere upwards would be more than that. Oh really, yeah,
(42:44):
there's a few of that. We don't know about it.
There's a poster on the back starry to interrupt everybody, Tinko,
your train gets just like, oh, just just just hold
onto it, yeah, keep it warm it. I'm Malcolm, Malcolm.
So it sounds like you aren't even expecting to get
out if you've got deliveries coming. Well, you know what,
(43:08):
if you're renting, it's still home, right. So that's the
way I kind of look at this where it's temporary.
I don't want to speak for the group, but I
want to say, this is too many dead people for
him to get out on parole. I don't know. We
probably should also transfer him to a maximum security prison. Yeah,
we were talking about that, but what happened with that.
(43:28):
I don't know. I think it's a paperwork thing, or
you know what I bet it was when we did
um when there was that little executive shake up and
all those things, and then also there was that file
cavinet that got wet. A lot of things got dropped
that week. Yeah, so I don't see him having any problems.
They seem to like him at the Venice Police Department
(43:50):
like him. There's no complaints. I don't know why he
needs maximum security. He's been focused on his trains, very
focused on his trains. Tink o, mm hmm. What do
you think? You know? When I was a kid, h
and then when I became a teen and then a
young adult at M I thought, do you mind if
(44:13):
I sit down? I thought to myself, you're making all
these choices that are affecting not only your life, but
other people's lives. Sorry, I just feel I'm gonna cross
my legs. Why can't these choices that are affecting other
people not only affect you, but the other people that
you said that they were affecting, Right, So go with
(44:34):
me here for a second, yere, I'm there with you.
I'm with you. If we believe that's my hand. That's
my hand. I'm the only one that doesn't get it
my hand. That's think it's fun if we all know
that the feeling that we feel right now is real,
and why can't we all just be like that. Words
don't add up to sentences. It feels real. Trail me,
(44:55):
take go, kill me. Choke Tako with his new attorneys.
I love the office, Thank you, thank you. I took
those pictures myself. Actually, oh wow, yeah yeah, and I okay,
(45:17):
buddy boys, So I'm looking at your files here. Uh
seems like you killed some more people. Can I say
guilty without being charged? No, I mean you can, but
you will be Uh okay, I mean he's the one
one in cute gumber Water. Oh. Actually, come in here
for a second. Okay, Hi, this is Tinko, Tinko, this
(45:37):
is Lisa. It's a pleasure. I'm sure. Wow, nice hands.
I purchased Lisa on one guy, All guys semantic. I
joined us an online situation and it's a hiring Site's
(45:58):
a bad crazy fan come on link in and he
linked up with me. You make a sound like that.
You don't pay someone to hire him. That's so that's
what he pays me for three months of working. Wow nine,
it's a little more than three hundred three thousand dollars
a month. I didn't not buy me a brag. Look, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa,
(46:26):
before you met me and before you came here too,
and you know you, I mean Venice, you uh, you
lived in a village far far away. And then yeah,
but that was a tamp there. Okay. So I was
getting some work and then I get them link in
and we link up and now I'm hired. You didn't
buy any think bragging, David. If you bought somebody, that's
(46:48):
just gonna suck me up in court. What I mean,
how's that can affect you? You're gonna get in trouble
with the law. But you just bought somebody. Okay, fine,
then I you're not hearing me saying I'm not being bought, Lisa,
I don't understand your accent. All right, I'm not being bought.
I'm a human person. I live in the two bedroom Okay,
(47:09):
you live in two bedrooms. Doesn't make any sense, Lisa.
I'm telling you, man, Dave, Look all right, water or not?
You want water? Slave? Water? No? I don't want that. Okay, yikes,
that's what it is. You bought her? Man, It is
creeping me out. Man. Hey, hey, we're here to serve you. Okay.
All the people I buy, they're here to work for you. Okay, okay, okay.
(47:31):
Everyone at this office is bought. Yeah, I bought them all. Jesus, Lisa,
how many people do you know from your old village
at this office? Mr Dave, your car is ready? Okay.
Oh my god, I need you to meet this guy.
I bought him eleven years ago and it's been the
best purchase of ever. Hello, I am Dad. What is
(47:51):
your name? His name is dead? Oh so not like father, right,
he's my bad. But Jesus, where you're from, the name
dead mean bad. Then that word is different words. So
his night is dad, and you can't understand the word insane.
It conveys respect in an ironic way. Oh my god, Dave,
I'm gonna be honest. This is this ain't making my
(48:14):
choo choo run. Come on, I want to choo you run.
They say, I ain't vibe me with this, Dave want
to make a tink. I want to choo run? So okay,
because because of you and because the people you work with.
I can say this here, okay, not get in trouble
with it killed a couple of people. They all knew that,
all right, we knew that. So when I was a kid,
(48:38):
and then I was a teen, and you are probably
a young adult. M then we're next to you a
young adult a kid, never mind. And then I was
a young adult. Yeah that's what she said, Thank you, dad.
I heard you. I heard you. And then I became
an adult. And when you becoming a you make choices,
(49:02):
and these choices affect other people talking than me. Yeah. No,
it's true, it's true. It's true. Those aren't sentences, tinko.
But speaking of sentences, you're looking at consecutive license a
good thing. That sounds pretty fun. Yeah, yeah, the whole train,
consecutive cabs. That's right, except there's one thing we can
(49:23):
do to get you out tomorrow. Oh what is this?
Should we be in here for this? This feels sort
of um? I mean I own you. You run around
the office to whatever you mean when you say I
own you. That's where above my pay grade, which is zero?
Are you? Are you a friend of dragons? Yeah? Is
(49:47):
my hair soft? Can I touch it? No, okay, I
don't know. Do you think the peach is beautiful? Let
me look. Yeah, think I have a helicopter waiting outside
for you right now? Is that what it sounds like? Yeah,
it sounds like this. Okay, okay, Dad, you can stop. Okay,
(50:09):
my breast hurt real bad. There's a helicopter up on
the top of this building. You can get in the
helicopter and leave. Nobody'll ever find you again. Or we
go to court tomorrow and boom back in the slammer.
I'm not getting in a flying vehicle, and I also
get in the helicopter. Um, I own you till two,
So I want to go as far away as possible.
You're gonna die with me, I mean together. It's so tinko.
(50:33):
What do you think? I think I only take trains.
I think I only take trains. But this is a
train in the sky. Okay, all right, all right, here
we go. Am I coming or mouth? Okay? I think
I might have a tumor in my breast. Read the
(50:54):
book okay, I'm beound chapter two right now? Yeah, okay, okay.
It says how do you feel? Yeah, how do you feel?
I don't feel good? Great, Okay, So what did that
say that says go to go to chapter four? Okay, okay, okay,
um do you feel it in your heart? And well,
(51:14):
it's near my heart because it's my breast, so that's no.
So then so what does it say where do you
go for when it says no? Go to chapter eleven? Eleven? Okay,
your bankrupt? You're not taking to a nearby chea cheese
where Lisa has decided to try speed dating. Hello, Lisa,
I'd like to have a lot of fun body in
(51:34):
a really normal sort of way. Nothing weird, only fun.
Love to eat food, do not love to go for
not eating food. Also love to go sleeping and hiking.
All right, let's see them for the dates. Okay, so
let's just all everyone here, let's just before let's just
let's not everyone just shout out what we do. So
let's just all have everyone to find your name on
(51:54):
the chair and uh, we'll begin in what are the
letters for Lisa? Look like the open seat right there
that is yours. That's a great one. Wow, part of me.
What's the time? The time is I mean limit? I mean, oh,
you're you're gonna have thirty seconds? Thirty seconds so get
it out. Okay, ready and action. Okay, Hello, I'm earl
(52:17):
I'm Lisa. Wow, this is going to be good. Do
you have a dog? Why do you do? I'm retired. Great,
So that sounds like a really relaxing time for you.
Are you gonna eat those nachos? Yes? Okay? Are you
gonna eat your nachos? Well? No, I was going to
give them to you. Okay, done, I'm done. I found
(52:40):
a really good one. Sit down, sit down, we still
have more to go. Sit down. I don't want to
swap pig good money for this. I don't just talk
to I want to keep my I was just happy
to hear the Chee Cheese is still in business. By
all right, So you're with me now? I love them.
Given the nachos. Gotta give me a chance. I don't know,
(53:05):
I've already found like, Oh no, thank you, you're lucky body.
Come on, I can shave this if you're not into Harry. Okay,
now we're bargaining. Oh, I have those paupers your papers? Okay, switch,
(53:30):
I'm done, sir, Yes, just we have some more seconds.
I'm done. I can tell by the first second I'm
still in it. So let's keep going. You like to
play cards, You like to build stuff with your hands
out of weird things. Have you ever made food look
like something that's not food? Hey? Do these nachos remind
(53:53):
you of like a famous person? And if so, who
if we have this same person? Wait? What? Why? Please not?
Just good talk? Well? Would their voice sound like I
have an idea? What's yours? I know? Just the finny
thing about tables is all the legs. What do they
think they are? A cat? What do you like about cats? Hey? Hey, hey,
(54:18):
come over here, I'm up here. Look at my eyes? Wow?
Two of them? Oh? You like to collect jewels? You
just got lucky, priceless, priceless. I don't want to do
this anymore. Okay, thank you so much for the speeding.
Last person you were with you will be forced on
a date with Okay, so just know that that was
part of the agreement to that date. Now, and look
(54:41):
look at what this body shape I can make does?
What do you think about that? Is there more like
a cactus or something? Yeah? It looks like a cat. Okay,
now we're having fun. Here's the thing. I'm very wealthy, okay,
so very very ill. Okay, and I was looking to
spend my last I could take care of you. You
(55:02):
don't look so heavy. You around? How much you cost?
I want to buy you? I'm not Lisa. It's not
for sale and it's never been for sale. Okay. One
order of rock and sock and lapo bourbon, Nacho her
I like you, And one order of hip popper Papper,
(55:24):
anything else I can get you, guys right now, some
other papper. I think she was looking at some more pope.
I would like the what are the can't you say?
Grape papers? Grape papers? We take grapes, we bred them,
we deep fry them. Okay, Bourbon, Okay, I like them. Hey,
(55:46):
who do you ever? People tell you you look like
I wonder A lot of people tell me that I
look like Paul Riser. Okay, I was not thinking of
that guy. But you know that the cartoon dog underdog. No,
he's more happier than that dog, Oh Aggie dogg and
(56:06):
Doggie Daddy. No, No, he's not as silly as that one. Daddy,
but dog right? You see it? Manuel, you know who
I'm talking about. Yeah, I think you're referring to um,
is it? Mama duke? Excuse me? It is Mama, Mama?
(56:28):
Do it is Marmaduke? Marmaduke dog, I've never gotten that before.
I guess I do look like Marmaduke. Excuse me? Way
do we just want to refills on the waters? Also?
Why is this guy wearing the cape? Was it Mama Duke?
It was Marmaduke. It was water. That's what we wanted.
I'll get right to you, so don't worry about it.
(56:50):
And this guy needs to play a game together on
the same team, because wow, he's picking it up. I
love you. About to get dangerous, Okay, he's here for
me because I'm an evil villain. What I have been
hunting you for a long time? Rich wealth, a single
man and sick and sick. Oh you're sick? Are you
(57:14):
seeing this? My arts nemesis? Finally I can confront you
and kill this evil, but my hand is steadied by
the fact that your life is being taken by time
and sickness. What's the takeaway? He will kill or no?
It turns out the time bizarre Both of our nemesis nemi.
(57:37):
I don't know nemesis singular right or is that plural?
I cactus plural? Nemesis isis and Nemesis. Nemesis is just
want refills on the water coming right up, sir, I'm
Lis is Lisa protege. Okay, how much did you pay
for this piece of OKAYI it's five dollars. I'll pay it.
(58:02):
Not but that is not a bill from Lisa. That
is for food. You pay it. I am not a
green for five dollars. I'll get your protege your levity. Wow,
the inside of me lifts me up from the ground up.
You paid this table, this is yours. I do not
(58:24):
agree and cut. That was fantastic with me stepping into
the director writer role and you doing acting for once
with I was shot. I was shot. I got to
do a voice. Yes, I've been wanting to do a voice. Yes. Um.
I thought it was good. I thought I did fine
with my part. Jim was amazing. Was so good Jim
(58:46):
as the man with the cape. Yes, guys, guys, you
were right? Were we rolling on that? Honestly, I didn't
realize we were growing out. Thought this was a test shoot.
This is that's lunch. I want to thank all the
alchemists going around in the perfect order. James Henu, what
(59:07):
do you got for us? I just had a great time.
If you want to check it out on YouTube, the
real James Heeney. That's beautiful. Vanessa Ragland, people catch you.
You could catch me on Twitter at Vanessa Ragland or
almost every night at Dynasty Typewriter at the Hayward Theater
at Dynasty Typewriter dot com. Yeah, Joey Grisha at Jeby Grieber.
(59:29):
I'm not even gonna try to spell it because I
funked it up last time. That's my Instagram. Did you
create the Instagram name? I did? And you're not sure
how to spelling? Well, you know I want it's illusion.
There's magic, you know, you know you know I'm not
spell Thank you though, Craggy at Kaikowski on Twitter, at
Craigslist Peacast for the Craigslist podcast and the Drunken Street
television program on Comedy Central. Correct continue, We go over
(59:52):
to Chris Alvarado for the wrap up at Chris Alvarado,
so well done. Less into the rest of you, Doug
Bow our engineer, let's here for Douggie who Raphael Brito
our soundfold of everyone here and how stuff works network.
(01:00:16):
I want to thank each and every damn one of you.
And here's the list now, sophie Um, that's all I got.
But that's our show for this particularly week until next time. Alchemy.
This
Welcome to alchemy this. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes
that Kevin Pollock. What's that You have a script for
me to read? I'd love to, but first this. Over
the years, I've been damn hell lucky to see my
fair share of true alchemy. By definition, alchemy is when
a person creates something through a seemingly magical process. And
(00:25):
my dear ding dong's and ho hoes, Like I said,
I've been witnessed to the stuff on several occasions. An example,
you ask sure if you're gonna be a horse's ass.
Let's see. Uh oh, here's one. The names Mathou and
Lemon may sound like the fresh fish of the day
to you, but every day on the set with those
two meant studying at the feet of great alchemists. But
(00:46):
I digress, folks. Not too long ago the idea hit me.
What if I brought together the right creative people and
ask them to make shut up based on my own twisted,
demented ideas that offered it as a podcast of this
seemingly magical process, And what if I call that alchemy?
My boy, you don't look a thing like me. Well,
after months of tinkering, I'm so very proud to welcome you,
(01:08):
dear friends. New episode seven of Alchemy. This let's meet
a group of alchemists, shall we, in no particular order,
say hello to Chris Alvarado? Chris, why does John wu
need white doves to to take flight in his film?
It's symbolism? Yes? And uh? Turning up the next is
(01:28):
Vanessa Raglan Venete. What do you get the nerve? Oh?
I got it from my mom. Look everyone, it's Joey Greer.
Hey Greer co When is enough too much? When it?
When it is? That's exactly right? Uh? Somebody help him down?
And what would a super team like this to be without?
Mr Craig Katkowski Craig Massion when you're coming home? Uh?
(01:53):
Them coming home in the fall one of the last
but foodie on you if you're thinking ladies, Mr James
c James, can I call you in Nigo Montoya? That
was my father? So good number one? Yes, everyone loves
(02:16):
to go to the doctor and or dentists. First up
a doctor played by Vanessa with an next ray for
a patient played by James. Oh, sorry about that. Mr MacArthur.
That's fine, that's my text tone. Okay, it's fine I'm
just you said it was really important what your friend
is sending me the silliest little what are they called
(02:38):
when it's a picture but it shutters, it's an emoji. No, no,
it's a real picture and it shut it's a gift. Yes,
we're still in that phase where that is. Texting is fun.
I had to take an early lunch break for work
to come down to see you. I don't know what
this has gotten me kind of nervous. Well you should be. Um.
(02:59):
Let me just pull your file which I put put
it over. Um Andy, Andy, Um, where where are the files?
I had all the files and a stack and there
were X rays on. I took them home, but just
now to organize them after breakfast. Yeah, I went home
real quick to organize them. Well, Andy, I needed those. Okay,
(03:22):
I will be right back. Okay, thank you. Um so
you and I Dr Shrine Just you must remember what
it was. Can you just tell me here? I am Oh, wow,
that's right upstairs. I forgot Okay, thank you very much.
And that's not a violation of any codes. So may
I call you Arthur? I would prefer it, yes, because
(03:45):
we're about to get pretty personal. Um. Let me turn
not there we go. Now, um, if I just you
see what I see? I mean, it's to me, I'm
just a layman. I guess I don't know what I'm
looking at. Next right, it's next y, very good one
for you, Andy, mark one up for Arthur. Um But
do you see all the tumors? I don't wish what
(04:06):
parts the tumors? O? God, how many are on there? No,
it's mostly two where well, you're just the bubbling of
your skin. And what we found out is it's caused
by just all the tumors. Are you sure? Yeah? Pretty sure?
Can you just point one of the tumors out of
the ones right there? But they're popping out from underneath.
(04:31):
We got good news and bad news. Arthur, Arthur. I'm
gonna need get to calm down, Arthur, Arthur. You're in
my office just staring the people in the waiting room. Arthur.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't oh, can't
(04:53):
quite cross this day. He's not a family, so do we.
You can't be born without having a family. It's not special. Listen,
what I can tell from the X ray is we've
got to do a little poking around in there, a
little prodding because we've got tons of tumors. It sure is,
(05:19):
and it's got just grapes worth. But if we get
in there, you know what, we could find out. It's
not as bad as it looks. We can You're still functioning,
you're still crying, speaking, driving. You just have some headaches, right,
that was your main symptom. Was there anything else that
was well? Yeah, the headaches, but they are bad headaches.
(05:41):
Well obviously because your skull is bursting with tumors we've
made No, it could be much worse. Really, yeah, I
could know what the tumors are. We don't know that yet.
So I just wanted to schedule a surgery for a
s A possible, but were it in here the day?
Let's do this, Okay, Well, like today is not great
(06:06):
for me, but uh oh, and then me and Dan
are going to Cancoon tomorrow. But I get back on
the following Wednesday. Okay? Is that too long? Well, I
don't know, because I honestly don't know what's in there.
So Arthur, you're getting a kind of bedside relationship most
doctors don't provide anymore. So I would change your attitude,
(06:28):
thank you so much. So I get back Wednesday going
to be a little jet lagged. I can get in
there Thursday. And by get in there, I'm gonna need
a sucky thing. Andy, are you getting this, Yes, we're
gonna need a sucky thing. We're gonna need more pokey
things than the usual. We're gonna need a few buckets.
And um, bring the family. Bring the family. I think
(06:49):
you should definitely bring the family, and they can meet
my family. They're all upstairs. Yeah, Andy's family. They're very
warm people, too small, but warm small. They're shorter than normal.
So I will see you Thursday. It's all good. Um,
and we'll just get in there, poke around see what
oh do you want to see? Or no? I respect
(07:12):
that I don't want to see it and up until
next Thursday. Some advice would be, um, you know, if
you're not like doing what you love, maybe change that.
Just do all the things you love. You've got to
weaken some change to really live your life. Just in case.
We don't know. We don't know. Okay, do you mind
(07:34):
if I sit? Uh? No, we we do mind. You're
a little shaken up just to drive and take him
out the back door. Yeah, we do not validate. I
hate to say that, but we don't validate you. You're
out of the office to say that poorly on me?
What have a cast role going? Oh, thank you your potato.
Come on, Arthur, O. Best of luck this next I
(07:57):
hope I see Thursday. And now we switch over to dentistry.
It's a buffet line of a dentist conference any two. No,
I mean, that's what I've been telling him. It's it's
it's not about the gums per se, right right, you
gonna gonna dig a little deeper. You gotta get down
to the roote. God, I haven't seen you since was it?
(08:21):
When was it? When it was two years ago? Wyoming
Dental conference? Was blarmi, larmie. That's where it was. You
gave that fantastic talk on man with head gear versus
face geary And the conversation continues, Well, well, I know
where you are. I know where you are on that
(08:42):
on that side of the line. Let's right out to
come to blows this one. Okay, Okay, I'll keep my
head gear away from your face. I'll get my face
gear wait from your head gear. I'm trying to get
to the potatoes. Okay, Well all right, you just just
standing in front of the poto so you can walk around.
But then if I go around, I won't get making
to the potatoes. You know. One of the fantastic things
(09:05):
about it is that it's it's not only yeah, we
we're trying to solve a problem in two different ways. Yes, right,
And what do they always say? Competition breeds insanity, nipple
(09:25):
nips every time. Oh yeah, I'm here with potatoes and
we'll clear for you to get some taters. Hey, hey,
pal let, thank you? Hi, chivelry please? Oh my good
(09:45):
you Okay, I'm fine, I hope I'm fine. Is there
an issue? Is there? I'm pretty sure this is a
conference for dentists. I'm a dentist. Oh I don't. I
don't know your face, California. That's rude dreams a snarl
(10:06):
Master gavities are insano? Oh great, that was good. It
sounded similar to incano like that. That's what I was
working on, Nile. Excuse me, you're bleeding from your shirt. Jesus, hey, Steve, Yeah,
I'm getting real sick at this conference every year turns
(10:27):
into a goddamn front party. That's dentistry. No, if you
didn't want this, why didn't you get to be a doctor.
I'm going to change it today. Okay, you in. I mean,
I've been kind of an outcast. You're the only one
that accepts me. That's what I'm saying. What do we
change stuff? Why don't we become the poppetar? Yeah? Yeah,
I've always wanted to be popular. But your frides her
(10:48):
own backwards. Okay, that looks good. People are looking at
me now late I'm gonna well, okay, that's part of it.
I'm gonna turn my jacket inside out. That looks weird.
We can't put it back. It looks weird. Put it back. No,
it's it's cool. Actually, you know what if we both
do it inside how, it'll be like criss Cross used
(11:09):
to do. All right, let's go okay, all right, now
it's march over to the potatoes and take those motherfucking potatoes.
You got it all right, And so I said, rooke
it out. You're gonna eat potatoes. Unbelievable. Who who are
(11:31):
these new guys? And seeing no dreams? Smile? Same guy? Yeah, represent,
you guys got a problem. Nipple is bleeding through your jacket.
Oh I like to taste the blood, but my patients
never tasted good. Yes, you don't do much surgery. That's
(11:52):
my slogan. Okay, now, if you don't mind, my buddy,
and I'm not a dweet, I want some god damn potatoes.
All right, there's some over there. Those are the same ones.
M all right, see you guys, pleasure man, that's fun.
Your hands full of blood. I'm not going to touch
(12:12):
your hands. Yeah, come on, what did you just say
to me? Hey, come back? Just something sticking out of
the back of his pants? Can you get that? Friend? Yeah,
don't touch me. That's called a super wedging, calling us losers.
We're fucking dentists. I've only got so many pairs of
underwear here, guys, this is a convention. Yeah, where do
(12:35):
you practice, loser? I'm an Encino. Well, you guys have
never been to in Sino? Does somebody say a town? Yeah? Why,
I need some backup. This guy and this woman touched
my underwear and now I've probably got streaks all over him.
That's disgusting. Where are you guys from anyway? Beverly Hills?
(12:57):
Have you ever heard of it? Oh my god, it's
very close to Yes allahabra alah, that's right. What state
is that? In. It's close by. Don't worry about it.
It is very Californian. And where are you from? Sherman Oaks? Okay, yeah,
that's like the that's like the poor man since here, Sherman. Nope,
(13:21):
push Wait did you push me after you said Sherman Nope,
After I said push, I push. You don't push on? Nope,
you push on? Push, you idiot. Used to be a
conference about learning from each other and and and and camaraderie. No,
it's a conference about straightening things up. Where'd you get
(13:44):
a scalp? But you're a dentist. I got one from
the street. Do it. I'm going to do it. Don't
let him throat, do it, get away from the potatoes,
do it? Do it? Do it? Give me that back
before more blood with shed. We take you two. In fact,
Sherman notes at a Barnes and Noble, we're best selling
(14:07):
doctor slash author? Is that a book signing? As people
line up to Edna, Please to Edna, thank you, she's
a huge fan. This is a thank you, Thank you
so much. You're welcome, darmin hand Gret, How are you?
Who am I making this out to? Um? You canna
make it out too like, what's your favorite name? I
(14:30):
guess blank, thank you, thank you great. I gave you
your book back. I didn't notice. Hi hi, oh, I'm sorry.
Did I elbow in the face. I just want to
(14:51):
say that your book changed my life. UM. I'm never
going to go to the doctor again because I was
able to diagnose myself of via your book. Good and
now I'm not wasting time, you know, googling ailments of
like everything's right there in the book. I'm pretty sure
I have I have low grade inflammation. UM. I don't know,
(15:13):
but I don't know if I if you want me
to go through my symptoms or anything or UM. I
get constant headaches, I have, I have hives all over
my body, depression. UM, I'm I'm an addict. UM addicted
to a lot of things, you know, screen time, UM, cocaine,
(15:36):
and UM. I also there there's a slight. There's a
weird thing going on with my ankle. So I don't
know what it is exactly, but it's a little sore,
like mostly in the mornings. Once they start moving around,
it starts to feel better, but it's always really sore
in the morning. What do you think that who should
I make this out to Edna. This man is having
a heart attack. Is there a doctor here? Doctor? Dr?
(15:57):
Can you help us out on? Let the heart attack?
Patient diet us themselves first? Wait, what do you think
you're having a heart attack? I can't tell. I just
can't feel my arm. Then everything wants we should all
settle down until we know for sure that they know
they're having Okay, we I'm gonna look through your book here. Okay.
Chapter two, My chest ums closing. Are you in pain? Check? Okay?
Go to chapter four? Okay four. Chapter five says, trust
(16:20):
your gut. What does your gut say? Okay, gut says
heart attack? Okay. Chapter four says, uh, look inside and
are you making this? Get inside? Somebody get inside him.
Somebody get inside him right now to make sure he's
I'm making it out. Open your mouth. Do you feel anything?
(16:40):
I feel back at the throat? Okay, So wet? Is
it dry? It's okay? Does that mean it's hard or soft? Soft? Okay?
Do you find ripple edges or do you find course edges? Course? Okay?
That gentleman right there is having a heart attack. I'm
gonna buy another copy. All right? It did? Uh well, yeah,
(17:02):
he just had a heart attack, The doctor said, so.
I just said, so, I guess they don't need to
do an autopsy, which is great. Yes, that says something straightforward.
I don't usually do this, but um, you canna do
a reading. I'll do a reading everybody, just in an
Indian style, or however you feel more. I realized then
(17:27):
that it was up to me, and only me, to
make a change in the medical field. Why is it
that a doctor takes an oath but then forgets that oath,
as if the oath wasn't even an oath, more of
something said at the very end of graduation. In order
to get to a degree and then to leave to
become a doctor, I decided to make my own oath,
an oath that started with a word and ended with
(17:49):
a punctuation, an oath that would summon a new era,
a time in which all of us could say these
words with that punctuation. But to come up with the
words and the proper punctuation would take time. It would
take effort, it would take focus. I realized at that
moment that I had to go back home to where
everything began and see, no, California, Let's travel all the
(18:20):
way to Albuquerque, New Mexico, where a low budget horror
film is being shot. We first joined our wardrobe supervisor Joey,
who's with the female lead, Vanessa in her trailer. Well,
why isn't it fitting? Right? Everything I've given you so
far is in the dimensions you've given us. I've dyslis that. Okay,
(18:45):
so I'll just flip the numbers then, okay, you seem
so uncomfortable and well the dress hurts. Okay, Well that's
just the film. You're gonna have to be wearing uncomfortable things.
You know, you're you're you're, Oh, what's going on? Nothing, Jessica?
(19:06):
What is it? What is it? Friends and movie start
just a close guy? Positively you couldn't understand with I
don't know your startup. I don't you know that. I
don't know, but I know emotion and I know feeling hurt.
(19:27):
H Yeah? What is it? Is it? Is it directors
as the other actors m M closer closer? You family? Okay?
Is that? Yes? No? No, it's craft services, someone on set,
someone production, production, production production okay, production production team, okay,
(19:48):
this is the writers, this is this is okay? Even
more on set people lighting? Uh? Set design, wardrobe, wardrobe, wardrobe,
do you mas, I'll be right there. Wow the way
you can just switch over there. I'm an actor. I
can do that in death. I want stop acting in
(20:10):
real life. Jessica Vanessa, please, and Jessica inside of Vanessa
out there, and you know it. I know that feel
with me here. I'm just a wardrobe guy. I feel cloth.
I don't feel emotion. That all tell me a good
feeling emotion. Just moments ago, I could feel it. Why
(20:31):
it's dresses, these pants, these blouses, They're all making me
hate my physical phone and to do my best out there.
And I have to know, I have to believe i'd
you are you are? You're making me feel puffy? No, no, no,
it's the it's literally the costumes that are puffy. It's
not you. Why puff your your your smoke creature. You
(20:52):
you puff out what you do, smoke creature. Let's take
a salt. On the opposite side of the set, as
the director and played by Chris is sending a video
village watching take after take and cuts good guys back
to one. Please that was really good, fucking garbage. Wait,
let's get away from the sturdy. No, no, no, no, no, no,
(21:14):
this is my fucking set. Everyone can know what I think,
and I think it's garbage. Okay, it's just the moral
I went to the University of Southern California. Yeah, but
I made three short films. I think I know what
the funk I'm doing here. They were great, they were fantastic. Listen,
when I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
(21:37):
Oh I see, I see. Yeah yeah. So why don't
you just hold that script and make sure they get
word for word. Well, some of this is grammatically incorrect.
It's hard for them to say these things because it's
just not the way people talk. Well, here we go again.
All right, guys, we all set and word for word.
If they anybody messes up one word, let me know.
(22:00):
Mm hmmm. Action. This town has over run with zombies.
What are we gonna do? Shaff Where are we going
to kill them? We're going to kill them one goddamn fucking,
mother fucking cunting zombie at a time. Jesus. Some of
(22:20):
those people are family cut cut cut cut, cut cut cut.
Profanity seems excessive. It's oh, you're a writer, Bob came
here here, Bob, don't do it. I didn't know. I
didn't know everybody. Bob is also a writer. Here script, script,
don't script? Actually I have done some writing. Well, great,
here's a pen, and why don't you go ahead and
(22:40):
rewrite this scene. We'll wait. I'm just wondering if we
can cut hunting. It's particularly who it is. Hey, you're
the writer. Now, all right, I'm going to and I'm wondering.
My part is mostly just hissing. And what are you wondering?
While I know in the Smoke Monster, but I was
also told I was the lead, and yet here I
am in a puffy, puffy outfit hissing. Well, maybe Bob
(23:04):
will write you some more dialogue. Um, well, I I
don't know that that we need to get into that.
I don't want to give notes to a fellow act
It's not giving notes, it's giving me lines. Bob. I'd
like lines. I'd like human words to say, when's the
last time either of you felt something five minutes ago?
Right now? I mean, really really felt something right now.
(23:25):
I feel very frustrated, very confused. And yet I see
none of that on camera. I see you doing your
impression of what you think in actors should be doing,
rather than having organic moments coming alive on screen. He's masturbating.
That's not cool. I have my process, you have your process.
(23:48):
Maybe we go back to wanting to another take. All right,
all right, this is the man. This is the man
I listened to. This is the man that I gotta
keep things moving. This is the man I listened to.
This Back up, Oh my god, okay, back to one.
Here we go, roll soup action. There's zombies all over town.
(24:11):
What are we gonna do. Suff We're going to kill
him one zombie at a time, one god damn fucking
motherfucking zombie at the time. But some of them might
be our family. Look out, there's a smoke monster. What's
(24:32):
your name? What's your name? Chim Chim? All right, chim Chim,
let me ask you a question. So you think take
for take, you can just switch up your axe and
you can come willy nilly. You've got to write in
fairness to Chim Bob just got to write what's your
name again? Just Vanessa and Jessica. Yeah, that's confusing to
all of us. While I have one name in my
(24:53):
trailer and one name on the set. So Vanessa right now,
it's great, Thank you. I feel amazing about my performance.
I love the role. And your ward is really tight.
It's really tight. Thank you Troy for that's a good oufic.
Now you Chim. Jim's doing great. Oh I'll ask him
if he is. How do you? How are you feeling, Bud?
All right? Where'd you train? By the way, Um, Jim's
(25:17):
a local high Yeah, I kind of just trying to
open my buddies and by the park. We do we
do put on play for each other. Oh God, put
that away. This is real. This is outsider actor. This
is what happens. This is chief. What are you tack
to the ones? Okay? Okay, I will finish eventually. Hey,
(25:40):
here we go. I'm thinking this is the one. Guys,
I'm watching the script. Okay, action as zombies all over
this town? What are we gonna do? Shut up? Uh well, Jim,
we're going to wait. God, God, did you use his
(26:01):
real name? Is that cat be? His real name? Is
that part of your real his real name? It's my
real name, Jim Macary. My my father named me after him. Okay,
what was his name? Jim? One last idea? One last idea?
You're all inspiring me, Okay, get rid of the script,
(26:22):
Jessica Vanessa, you want to use words, you use words.
I felt it's been weird holding it in every scene
as well, so well that's on you, Chimp. I didn't
have a script because I just had to hiss, so
this will be fun for me. Thank you? Great? Then
what the hell am I supposed to do? I'll tell
you what we're supposed to do. You're supposed to go
(26:43):
pull the out my zipper and get me the funk
off before this next take ends. First day, here we go.
I'm loving this Action's bees and smoke, monsters all over
this goddamn town. What are we gonna Doh well, Chim macary,
(27:07):
just like your father before you, you're going to kill
these zombies, these cutting zombies. Yes, yes, cut we got everybody.
We got just in time, and I mean just in time.
(27:28):
Did you get somen you? I was fucked up. Anybody
that's real life guys to take you? Now? Did you
really have to jerk off to the that's called professionalism, Joseph,
thank you by avowal. This is a cult recruitment Kiosk
down at Venice Beach, California. I feel fresh, I feel refreshed.
(27:54):
Which level you want I'm still basically just yesterday. Yeah,
I did hear. You can like level up pretty quickly
if you if you accelerate the stars. Oh, you know
the thing that they're talking about about accelerating the stars.
It's not as easy as it sounds. Your nose is Oh,
(28:15):
that's okay. Isn't the beach beautiful? Let me see? What
do you? Let me see? I want to take a
moment to look at the beach. I'm sorry to interrupted.
I'm looking for the famous weight lifting place. I just
want to get some You have some weights in um,
maybe you want to lift some spiritual weights with us
(28:36):
right now? Well, yeah, i'd love to. Yeah. Have you
felt loved before? Yeah? Yeah? Have you been safe? Yes?
Has anyone ever touched your hair really really slowly so
you could feel like there's life in every strand? I
don't know. Have you thought that the beach looks beautiful?
I don't know. Take a look. Let me look good?
(29:00):
M hmm? What do you think it's beautiful? The ocean
is beautiful. I'm basically we're both. Um. Hey, do you
like clubs? Yeah? Me too. Do you like friends? Cool?
Which way to the yeah? Which way to the are
(29:20):
you afraid of dragons. Yeah, do you respect things you're
afraid of? Yeah? Will you put your hand in front
of your face? If your hand is smaller than your
don't have cancer. Put your hand from your face. Place.
Oh this is bad news. Why you're sick. I mean,
(29:45):
don't worry. We're all sick. You're going off scraped. I'm
feeling it right now. Do you joined the day? We
don't do that? Oh? Hello, my children, looks like we
have a new friend. Who's our new friend? Here? Oh?
I should get out of here. No, you come here table.
(30:08):
I would love to introduce you to Mortal number five.
Mortal number five thirty two. Come here, hug me. My
name is Dennis. Alright, come in for a good hug.
You feel that m Yeah, Trudger's hair wall I hug him? Dable,
(30:28):
I haven't. I still haven't gotten my name yet. Okay,
you'll get it soon. Let' let me finish this hug out.
Your hair smells good. Five thirty two. Dennis doesn't say
that to everyone. Oh, Dable, he's afraid of Oh here,
you can let me here, but you put your hand
(30:49):
in front of your face. Okay, I already found out
I have good who showed you what I was supposed to.
I didn't mean to overset my bounds. That's usually what
I do. Well he did it, so I really appreciate
him helping me out. And I didn't get your name,
but thank you. Well, my name is Dayweight, Day and
(31:10):
think actually, if you like my teachings, perhaps we could
take a little two minute walk. Excuse me, excuse me, Dayweight,
your number number four six or four thirty six, you
were out of line. Thank you. I'm gonna get out
of here. No, no, no, thirty two, stay four thirty six.
(31:33):
I want you silent, silent, and I can still talk.
Of course, day Woe. The helicopter is prepared. Okay, well
we better go number number one eleven escort us. Now
I'm just gonna go to the gym. Two. You gotta
come with us, Come with me, Come with me if
(31:55):
you want to live the same place I want to
get on the helican. It's so beautiful. You'll love it there.
Do you like the ocean? Do you hate dragons? We
all hate dragons. We all hate dragons. And we've got
a helicopter to Catalana, Catalana, CATALANAA everyone beat on your
(32:18):
chest to simulate the sounding about helicopter. That's what it's
gonna sound like when we're there. Okay, there's the helicopter. Day. Well,
I'm not going you have to come. I'm not deal.
He just joined yesterday. He doesn't need to come. That's right,
it's no big deal. So just let me go. Let
him go back at the Venice Police Department day one, ever,
(32:40):
the new recruits name was the way speaks to an officer.
I mean, I don't know. Is it kidnapping? I mean
I was there voluntarily, but like you were there voluntarily
and then you left voluntarily. Yep, I'm gonna say it's
not kidnapped. Well, hold on, hold on, sir, sir, sirs,
one more second. Yea. Um. But but while I was there,
(33:01):
I felt uncomfortable in They told me I should stay
m hm. So I'd like to press some kind of charges.
Is something illegal happened? For sure? Okay, did you witness
anything legal? Um? Didn't give me an example of something
you saw that I might have been. I think one
of the members has a weed card from the weed doctor,
(33:23):
and that's like, that's not a real doctor. No, it's
not a real doctor. But you know, it's totally illegal
in Los Angeles, San in Venice. Now, I mean I
have a weed card. Look it sounds like this is
something you want to talk about with a therapist. No, no,
I think somebody should be arrested. Maybe I should arrested.
I'm not going to arrest you. Please. Somebody asked me
(33:43):
to be arrested. Hey, I'll take him, alright, may I? Alright?
Thank you? Good luck, good luck? Pound turn you over
to Carl. Oh you're cute, aren't you? What you do? Huh?
I was abducted, but now you are. I may start
doing some abducting and I don't feel safe. You gotta
(34:05):
start doing it? What I might start abducting people? Carl,
look at me. I am looking at you, but closer.
No please? No, oh, all right, come on, wow, wow, whoa. Look,
I'm a little out of sorts right now. Okay, I
spent a lot of time. Was g g one quick question?
(34:31):
Are either of you afraid of dragons? I don't like
That's what I'm thinking. I don't like him in the show.
But I like that girl. Yeah, I like you know
when she's there, I don't I don't feel as scared
of specter. So yeah. No, so you're not afraid of dragons? No,
(34:52):
because if Colicy can control them, then what have we
to fear? Okay, well, this has been a weird little moment.
You're reston. Oh I'm still arrested for sure. Yeah, you
went through intake with him. I've got cuffs on you.
This is you're a prisoner now. That turned you over
to Carl And once you're with me, I get to
do whatever I want. No more smooth ching, no more,
(35:14):
one more shut up. Let me ask you something. Is
this better or worse than being in a cult? It's worse? Okay, alright, good,
because that's what we're aiming for. The you go, yeah,
because if it's isn't this kind of like a cult?
Don't you follow rules the Venice Police Department? Right, So,
(35:37):
I mean we follow, you know, the laws of the state,
the regulations within the force, and then we have our
own sort of vibeing out sort of thing we do
when we don't know exactly where something falls, we just
vibe it out. Okay, So that sounds like a brotherhood
of sorts. Yeah, kind of like a bro code. Yeah,
but we also have women that we include. Sure, because
we got it now, and are those women and dogs? Yeah?
(36:01):
The dogs are like people. They're so amazing. So do
you not do you eat the dogs? Do you sleep
with all the women here? Okay, you're right, it's not cold.
I thought I thought I was trying to. I'm just
gonna lock you up now. If that's okay under what charges?
You said you wanted to be a prisoner in here?
(36:22):
There's just no fishing. Brought it for me. Oh he
turned himself and have fun. Tinko. You know what they
call me, Tinko? Let me guess all right, um, you
would like to tinker with trains? They call me Tinko.
You know why they call me? Dayway? I don't know,
because I'm the next tell me of the colt leader
(36:45):
or something that. Oh my good? Oh whoa, what the
what the fun? That's a greeting. No, it's a greeting.
It's a greeting. It's okay there. Yeah, this guy's just
trying to get him in my mouth. You can for
me too. The fuck. Hey, it's not messing where your
train set, tink Nobody messes when my training is sick.
(37:08):
Come here, yeah, come here. You know what model train
that is? It looks like I mean, I'm guessing here
in that's exactly right. That's exactly what a lot of
people don't get that. They think it's in eight hundred.
Well I could see because that's the two lines on
the lights. Yeah yeah, I mean it seems like you
(37:30):
want a problem here, but I feel like this is
all good. Don't kiss me. Come on, anybody wants some
cat food? Oh yeah, snake it through the bars. There
you go. Oh, this one's wet. Get it what you
can get away? You can't's wet. I'm not eating. I'm
fasting for weight loss. Oh give him two days. It's
gonna make craving that cat food. You know that money?
(37:55):
He tink your one thousand? Just got it? Oh, just
when you wants to put it, I'll leave it outside.
I'll play with the stick in here. First enough, think
of what you What did you do to get in here?
I'm murdered a whole bunch of people. But people, they
seem to love you here. Well, it's it's charisma, personality.
You know you got that that X factory? Now you do. Come.
(38:16):
I'm serious. That's a thing about a vibe makes you
a question. Sure you ever thought about running your own Colt,
You've got that thing, man, I don't know. When I
was a kid, and then when I became a teenager,
and then when I became a young adult to hear you,
and then when I became an adult, I thought about
a lot of things, and sometimes I would wonder, why
(38:40):
not be a part of some kind of institution where
my voice was king? Right? You know what? I'm gonna
sit in front of you a cross apple sauce. Why
can't I Why can't I be the conductor not only
my lives but everybody else's lives? Hey, do you guys
mind if I listen into your conversation from next door? Yeah,
come on in. I can't come through the bars, but
I'd like to just listen. I like what you're saying.
(39:00):
I'm gonna sit Chris cross hips us. Please keep coming
your instructions for us. Anybody want to drink out of
a Gerbil water bottle? Oh yeah, oh yeah yeah? A
little steel ball tickles? Don't who's next? I'm fine, I'm
finally Carl, Carl. Have you heard Tinko actually speak? Tinko?
(39:24):
He just tink us with trains. He can't speak to
say he likes the cap Tinko, Come on for yourself,
tell your story. How did you get in? Yeah? No,
but why are you in jail? He looks a little cute. Oh,
I just shoplifting on Fanta speech. That feels right. I
thought it was done. No, thank you, Tinko. Where was I?
(39:50):
You were a kid, and then you were it was
a teenager, and then it wasn't a dolt. I gotta
go by talk about out of things I did. This
is stupid, stupid. It's actually the most important thing I've
ever heard. Hey, day where you posted bail? A bunch
of people are here to bail you out. Hey, take
(40:14):
this uppportunity. Take this up for someone leaving you. Hey,
you are my safe here now. I got consecutive life
sentences and I'm stuck in this venice. Who do I
gotta kill? Come on, I'll kill this kid. I want
to stay here. No, stop, you can't do that. She's right.
(40:37):
You can tell me what I gotta do on my
way out. Follow your dreams, believe in yourself. I always
know that there's another train around the bend, but you've
got to lay down the tracks first before it gets
to you. And so what if it doesn't got cold?
Doesn't got steamer, doesn't get gasolene. I think that would
make it a twelve exactly. You know what your trains man,
(40:58):
the guy with a shaved head, robe, bunch of people
in robes. They're all very insistent. You come out. Okay, okay, okay, Tinko. Yeah,
I'll be back. I hope not park that helicopter on
the roof. Yeah it sounds just like that. Okay, bye Tinko,
Bye bye, Honey, Tinko at his seventeen parole hearing a hello, y'all. Hello,
(41:37):
I've made model trains for everybody. Oh, it's very nice
for your tank and Thomas the tank engine will put
everyone's face on the front, so that's very cute. Not
like Thomas the tanking Socialist is topian nightmare. It's just
a cartoon. Well that's you, man, that is me. But
I'm allowed to have an opinion. You are allowed to
(41:59):
having to pay. I can have things about anything I want. Yes,
that's true, Thank you very much. I think some people
could argue you couldn't help but have an opinion. I
think some people could argue you're being um argumentative. Okay,
well let's let's let's get into Tinko's case. Uh, Tinko,
it's good to see you again. Thank you again for
the trains. Now, you murdered a bunch of people, lots
(42:20):
of so I just have telling marks here. I can't
quite count them up, but it looks like a lot
of lines. Yeah, so that's one to three four slash
slash three. Yeah, I don't know, it's hard. It's hard.
Somewhere upwards would be more than that. Oh really, yeah,
(42:44):
there's a few of that. We don't know about it.
There's a poster on the back starry to interrupt everybody, Tinko,
your train gets just like, oh, just just just hold
onto it, yeah, keep it warm it. I'm Malcolm, Malcolm.
So it sounds like you aren't even expecting to get
out if you've got deliveries coming. Well, you know what,
(43:08):
if you're renting, it's still home, right. So that's the
way I kind of look at this where it's temporary.
I don't want to speak for the group, but I
want to say, this is too many dead people for
him to get out on parole. I don't know. We
probably should also transfer him to a maximum security prison. Yeah,
we were talking about that, but what happened with that.
(43:28):
I don't know. I think it's a paperwork thing, or
you know what I bet it was when we did
um when there was that little executive shake up and
all those things, and then also there was that file
cavinet that got wet. A lot of things got dropped
that week. Yeah, so I don't see him having any problems.
They seem to like him at the Venice Police Department
(43:50):
like him. There's no complaints. I don't know why he
needs maximum security. He's been focused on his trains, very
focused on his trains. Tink o, mm hmm. What do
you think? You know? When I was a kid, h
and then when I became a teen and then a
young adult at M I thought, do you mind if
(44:13):
I sit down? I thought to myself, you're making all
these choices that are affecting not only your life, but
other people's lives. Sorry, I just feel I'm gonna cross
my legs. Why can't these choices that are affecting other
people not only affect you, but the other people that
you said that they were affecting, Right, So go with
(44:34):
me here for a second, yere, I'm there with you.
I'm with you. If we believe that's my hand. That's
my hand. I'm the only one that doesn't get it
my hand. That's think it's fun if we all know
that the feeling that we feel right now is real,
and why can't we all just be like that. Words
don't add up to sentences. It feels real. Trail me,
(44:55):
take go, kill me. Choke Tako with his new attorneys.
I love the office, Thank you, thank you. I took
those pictures myself. Actually, oh wow, yeah yeah, and I okay,
(45:17):
buddy boys, So I'm looking at your files here. Uh
seems like you killed some more people. Can I say
guilty without being charged? No, I mean you can, but
you will be Uh okay, I mean he's the one
one in cute gumber Water. Oh. Actually, come in here
for a second. Okay, Hi, this is Tinko, Tinko, this
(45:37):
is Lisa. It's a pleasure. I'm sure. Wow, nice hands.
I purchased Lisa on one guy, All guys semantic. I
joined us an online situation and it's a hiring Site's
(45:58):
a bad crazy fan come on link in and he
linked up with me. You make a sound like that.
You don't pay someone to hire him. That's so that's
what he pays me for three months of working. Wow nine,
it's a little more than three hundred three thousand dollars
a month. I didn't not buy me a brag. Look, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa,
(46:26):
before you met me and before you came here too,
and you know you, I mean Venice, you uh, you
lived in a village far far away. And then yeah,
but that was a tamp there. Okay. So I was
getting some work and then I get them link in
and we link up and now I'm hired. You didn't
buy any think bragging, David. If you bought somebody, that's
(46:48):
just gonna suck me up in court. What I mean,
how's that can affect you? You're gonna get in trouble
with the law. But you just bought somebody. Okay, fine,
then I you're not hearing me saying I'm not being bought, Lisa,
I don't understand your accent. All right, I'm not being bought.
I'm a human person. I live in the two bedroom Okay,
(47:09):
you live in two bedrooms. Doesn't make any sense, Lisa.
I'm telling you, man, Dave, Look all right, water or not?
You want water? Slave? Water? No? I don't want that. Okay, yikes,
that's what it is. You bought her? Man, It is
creeping me out. Man. Hey, hey, we're here to serve you. Okay.
All the people I buy, they're here to work for you. Okay, okay, okay.
(47:31):
Everyone at this office is bought. Yeah, I bought them all. Jesus, Lisa,
how many people do you know from your old village
at this office? Mr Dave, your car is ready? Okay.
Oh my god, I need you to meet this guy.
I bought him eleven years ago and it's been the
best purchase of ever. Hello, I am Dad. What is
(47:51):
your name? His name is dead? Oh so not like father, right,
he's my bad. But Jesus, where you're from, the name
dead mean bad. Then that word is different words. So
his night is dad, and you can't understand the word insane.
It conveys respect in an ironic way. Oh my god, Dave,
I'm gonna be honest. This is this ain't making my
(48:14):
choo choo run. Come on, I want to choo you run.
They say, I ain't vibe me with this, Dave want
to make a tink. I want to choo run? So okay,
because because of you and because the people you work with.
I can say this here, okay, not get in trouble
with it killed a couple of people. They all knew that,
all right, we knew that. So when I was a kid,
(48:38):
and then I was a teen, and you are probably
a young adult. M then we're next to you a
young adult a kid, never mind. And then I was
a young adult. Yeah that's what she said, Thank you, dad.
I heard you. I heard you. And then I became
an adult. And when you becoming a you make choices,
(49:02):
and these choices affect other people talking than me. Yeah. No,
it's true, it's true. It's true. Those aren't sentences, tinko.
But speaking of sentences, you're looking at consecutive license a
good thing. That sounds pretty fun. Yeah, yeah, the whole train,
consecutive cabs. That's right, except there's one thing we can
(49:23):
do to get you out tomorrow. Oh what is this?
Should we be in here for this? This feels sort
of um? I mean I own you. You run around
the office to whatever you mean when you say I
own you. That's where above my pay grade, which is zero?
Are you? Are you a friend of dragons? Yeah? Is
(49:47):
my hair soft? Can I touch it? No, okay, I
don't know. Do you think the peach is beautiful? Let
me look. Yeah, think I have a helicopter waiting outside
for you right now? Is that what it sounds like? Yeah,
it sounds like this. Okay, okay, Dad, you can stop. Okay,
(50:09):
my breast hurt real bad. There's a helicopter up on
the top of this building. You can get in the
helicopter and leave. Nobody'll ever find you again. Or we
go to court tomorrow and boom back in the slammer.
I'm not getting in a flying vehicle, and I also
get in the helicopter. Um, I own you till two,
So I want to go as far away as possible.
You're gonna die with me, I mean together. It's so tinko.
(50:33):
What do you think? I think I only take trains.
I think I only take trains. But this is a
train in the sky. Okay, all right, all right, here
we go. Am I coming or mouth? Okay? I think
I might have a tumor in my breast. Read the
(50:54):
book okay, I'm beound chapter two right now? Yeah, okay, okay.
It says how do you feel? Yeah, how do you feel?
I don't feel good? Great, Okay, So what did that
say that says go to go to chapter four? Okay, okay, okay,
um do you feel it in your heart? And well,
(51:14):
it's near my heart because it's my breast, so that's no.
So then so what does it say where do you
go for when it says no? Go to chapter eleven? Eleven? Okay,
your bankrupt? You're not taking to a nearby chea cheese
where Lisa has decided to try speed dating. Hello, Lisa,
I'd like to have a lot of fun body in
(51:34):
a really normal sort of way. Nothing weird, only fun.
Love to eat food, do not love to go for
not eating food. Also love to go sleeping and hiking.
All right, let's see them for the dates. Okay, so
let's just all everyone here, let's just before let's just
let's not everyone just shout out what we do. So
let's just all have everyone to find your name on
(51:54):
the chair and uh, we'll begin in what are the
letters for Lisa? Look like the open seat right there
that is yours. That's a great one. Wow, part of me.
What's the time? The time is I mean limit? I mean, oh,
you're you're gonna have thirty seconds? Thirty seconds so get
it out. Okay, ready and action. Okay, Hello, I'm earl
(52:17):
I'm Lisa. Wow, this is going to be good. Do
you have a dog? Why do you do? I'm retired. Great,
So that sounds like a really relaxing time for you.
Are you gonna eat those nachos? Yes? Okay? Are you
gonna eat your nachos? Well? No, I was going to
give them to you. Okay, done, I'm done. I found
(52:40):
a really good one. Sit down, sit down, we still
have more to go. Sit down. I don't want to
swap pig good money for this. I don't just talk
to I want to keep my I was just happy
to hear the Chee Cheese is still in business. By
all right, So you're with me now? I love them.
Given the nachos. Gotta give me a chance. I don't know,
(53:05):
I've already found like, Oh no, thank you, you're lucky body.
Come on, I can shave this if you're not into Harry. Okay,
now we're bargaining. Oh, I have those paupers your papers? Okay, switch,
(53:30):
I'm done, sir, Yes, just we have some more seconds.
I'm done. I can tell by the first second I'm
still in it. So let's keep going. You like to
play cards, You like to build stuff with your hands
out of weird things. Have you ever made food look
like something that's not food? Hey? Do these nachos remind
(53:53):
you of like a famous person? And if so, who
if we have this same person? Wait? What? Why? Please not?
Just good talk? Well? Would their voice sound like I
have an idea? What's yours? I know? Just the finny
thing about tables is all the legs. What do they
think they are? A cat? What do you like about cats? Hey? Hey, hey,
(54:18):
come over here, I'm up here. Look at my eyes? Wow?
Two of them? Oh? You like to collect jewels? You
just got lucky, priceless, priceless. I don't want to do
this anymore. Okay, thank you so much for the speeding.
Last person you were with you will be forced on
a date with Okay, so just know that that was
part of the agreement to that date. Now, and look
(54:41):
look at what this body shape I can make does?
What do you think about that? Is there more like
a cactus or something? Yeah? It looks like a cat. Okay,
now we're having fun. Here's the thing. I'm very wealthy, okay,
so very very ill. Okay, and I was looking to
spend my last I could take care of you. You
(55:02):
don't look so heavy. You around? How much you cost?
I want to buy you? I'm not Lisa. It's not
for sale and it's never been for sale. Okay. One
order of rock and sock and lapo bourbon, Nacho her
I like you, And one order of hip popper Papper,
(55:24):
anything else I can get you, guys right now, some
other papper. I think she was looking at some more pope.
I would like the what are the can't you say?
Grape papers? Grape papers? We take grapes, we bred them,
we deep fry them. Okay, Bourbon, Okay, I like them. Hey,
(55:46):
who do you ever? People tell you you look like
I wonder A lot of people tell me that I
look like Paul Riser. Okay, I was not thinking of
that guy. But you know that the cartoon dog underdog. No,
he's more happier than that dog, Oh Aggie dogg and
(56:06):
Doggie Daddy. No, No, he's not as silly as that one. Daddy,
but dog right? You see it? Manuel, you know who
I'm talking about. Yeah, I think you're referring to um,
is it? Mama duke? Excuse me? It is Mama, Mama?
(56:28):
Do it is Marmaduke? Marmaduke dog, I've never gotten that before.
I guess I do look like Marmaduke. Excuse me? Way
do we just want to refills on the waters? Also?
Why is this guy wearing the cape? Was it Mama Duke?
It was Marmaduke. It was water. That's what we wanted.
I'll get right to you, so don't worry about it.
(56:50):
And this guy needs to play a game together on
the same team, because wow, he's picking it up. I
love you. About to get dangerous, Okay, he's here for
me because I'm an evil villain. What I have been
hunting you for a long time? Rich wealth, a single
man and sick and sick. Oh you're sick? Are you
(57:14):
seeing this? My arts nemesis? Finally I can confront you
and kill this evil, but my hand is steadied by
the fact that your life is being taken by time
and sickness. What's the takeaway? He will kill or no?
It turns out the time bizarre Both of our nemesis nemi.
(57:37):
I don't know nemesis singular right or is that plural?
I cactus plural? Nemesis isis and Nemesis. Nemesis is just
want refills on the water coming right up, sir, I'm
Lis is Lisa protege. Okay, how much did you pay
for this piece of OKAYI it's five dollars. I'll pay it.
(58:02):
Not but that is not a bill from Lisa. That
is for food. You pay it. I am not a
green for five dollars. I'll get your protege your levity. Wow,
the inside of me lifts me up from the ground up.
You paid this table, this is yours. I do not
(58:24):
agree and cut. That was fantastic with me stepping into
the director writer role and you doing acting for once
with I was shot. I was shot. I got to
do a voice. Yes, I've been wanting to do a voice. Yes. Um.
I thought it was good. I thought I did fine
with my part. Jim was amazing. Was so good Jim
(58:46):
as the man with the cape. Yes, guys, guys, you
were right? Were we rolling on that? Honestly, I didn't
realize we were growing out. Thought this was a test shoot.
This is that's lunch. I want to thank all the
alchemists going around in the perfect order. James Henu, what
(59:07):
do you got for us? I just had a great time.
If you want to check it out on YouTube, the
real James Heeney. That's beautiful. Vanessa Ragland, people catch you.
You could catch me on Twitter at Vanessa Ragland or
almost every night at Dynasty Typewriter at the Hayward Theater
at Dynasty Typewriter dot com. Yeah, Joey Grisha at Jeby Grieber.
(59:29):
I'm not even gonna try to spell it because I
funked it up last time. That's my Instagram. Did you
create the Instagram name? I did? And you're not sure
how to spelling? Well, you know I want it's illusion.
There's magic, you know, you know you know I'm not
spell Thank you though, Craggy at Kaikowski on Twitter, at
Craigslist Peacast for the Craigslist podcast and the Drunken Street
television program on Comedy Central. Correct continue, We go over
(59:52):
to Chris Alvarado for the wrap up at Chris Alvarado,
so well done. Less into the rest of you, Doug
Bow our engineer, let's here for Douggie who Raphael Brito
our soundfold of everyone here and how stuff works network.
(01:00:16):
I want to thank each and every damn one of you.
And here's the list now, sophie Um, that's all I got.
But that's our show for this particularly week until next time. Alchemy.
This
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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