Goth clothing store replaces church

Goth clothing store replaces church

Star Wars post-celebration dinner

Yearbook committee run like the Mob

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back, everybody to another episode of I think you
just want sideways again? Really? Oh no, goddamn, I'm starting, starting,
start for real, okay starting now, you're oh Kevin Pollock,
is that what does that? Well? He must know. I
was raised as what's called a reformed Jew, more specifically

(00:23):
a California reformed Jews, so basically Catholic. But I digressed.
Let's meet a Rackham show you no particular order to say.
Let's first go actually to Cricketkowski with his summer vacation
review corner Cocow. Kevin, I am on summer vacation. It's amazing. Yeah, yeah,
it's so fun. I mean, how would you review this

(00:45):
year's this year's summer vacation like as opposed to last year,
like so much more fun. Like we're all we're all vaxed,
we're hanging out. You know, there's this delta variant, but
of like, nothing's happening with that, right, I'm going to Canada.
They're open. You know, it's all good. I got a

(01:07):
little I got a little sniffle, and I haven't I
haven't smelled or tasted anything in about a week. But
this is fun. I mean, we're coming back Society. Thank
you for that. Please say hello to Chris Anthony Alvarado
Cat Denier. If you're a lovely and talented fiance and

(01:27):
pass alchemist Jessica Little brought homemade ten month old cat
that she adopted, how would you respond? She just tried
to get a second dog the other day. You shut
that shut down. I can't. I can't give your love

(01:47):
to more than one. Problem is, you know, yeah, Jessica's great. Yeah,
of course, and she's and not my word, she also
has to say, I see, and you know I am
physically stronger than her. Why am I getting brought in this?
I don't There's nothing I want les What was the point? So? Anyway, Yeah,

(02:11):
if you brought a cat home, hug, I love it.
I love a cat. I know, all right, that's awesome.
In case you're one, in Caroline Carter is watching you
and in the Who's Dr Cheeks? What would the minimum
annual salary need to be for you to vote to
devote your life to proctology? Oh, I mean a steady job,

(02:33):
you know what I mean? At this point, especially after
the past year, I really I would say minimum wage.
I think I would do it. Minimum wage bring me
your butt, all right? Fair enough, Hey, there's Gary Anthony Williams. Guys,
time flyer. What was the worst non show business job

(02:57):
you ever had? I've actually asked them pretty good jobs,
pretty good, but non show business. Oh I was um,
I was working a phone line selling diet pills at
one point, telemarketer. Yeah, tell a marketing selling diet pills.
And by the way, from your very compliment your comment earlier,

(03:21):
I am what's known as a deformed too. But I
think I already discussed that. I remember with Chris Albarado.
We had a conversation. I know I discussed it with you.
You just didn't want to talk back about it. And
that's fair and accurate. And last, but not enough cake
and or pie. If you think at least it's Joey

(03:42):
Greer bottom line lover, what is the one job in
show business that you simply will not do? Wow? That's
that's here's the thing. It's it's really complicated because there's
a lot of tears to it. Let's go with Tier three.
I'm not gonna act, I'm not gonna write, I'm not

(04:04):
gonna direct. I damn sure, I'm not going to produce.
You understand I do. I don't want to do anything
behind in front of the camera. I don't want to
anything on stage or maybe in a parking lot. All right,
we're talking about entertainment, and when we're talking about entertainment,
we're talking about something bigger than ourselves. We're talking about
the idea that there are things that that they they'll
go And that's what I mean. So if you want

(04:27):
to talk about what jobs I will do, yeah, I'll act, Yeah,
all right, I'll direct, I'll produce. But can I say
my favorite thing about all everything you just said? Uh,
four fifths of those of us listening immediately uh focused
our attention on something else and our screens, and you
were entertained. That's the point that then they found entertainment.

(04:51):
That's everyone now knows. To take a little break. All
of our stat suggestions gather from your listener emails, of course,
or our patron v I p s. To become a
patron support of the show, head on over to patron
dot com. Slash you like a bit of scene suggestion
via email, please write to the podcast at our new
ish email address. I'll give you this email at gmail

(05:12):
dot com. That's talking me This email seen want It
comes from Patreon, Alchemediac Hailey ban Oh we love ourselves.
From Haley, who wrote, Guys, I have big news from
the Dinosaur car wash. Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
The church behind the car wash moved out and a

(05:35):
goth clothing store took its place. I'll probably never know
what actually happened, but I figured the alchemy this crew
can help me understand what may have gone down. Okay,
I love you, bye. Calm calm down, everyone, just just
settle down. I know what it was. I'm sure I'm

(05:58):
too upset to call him down. Well, I just sir,
if the car washes on the other side, this is
a community parish conversation. Oh thank you. Oh you both
were looking for the car wash. I wanted a t
Rex to wash my car. Yes, that's in the car wash.
That This is a community parish conversation. So wait, hold on, wait,

(06:20):
wait before it leave, explain what that means to me.
Community parish conversation. What does that mean? Exactly? Yeah, but
what does it mean? It means that the people in
the parish parish just like a religious group in institutions. Okay,
it also could be like what in Louisiana. Parish is
like what's called like a township. So what is it

(06:42):
in this context? What I said initially, which was gayle,
can I just talk to you in the office? The
saems curious given the Bible. We don't have the money
for the Bibles anymore. This is this is the conversation.
We're gonna have to I'll find your dinosaur. I'll hunt

(07:04):
him down and kill him. Okay, can we do this
by the car wash? Please? This is a community parish conversation.
I want to stay here, but right by the chuck board. God.
Oh God, well, look, I guess everyone can hear it.
Were we gotta shut the church down? I'm sorry? What? Yeah,
our prayers aren't bringing money. So we're gonna have to

(07:27):
change gears. We're gonna have to turn into a goth
clothing company. Always. We had a meeting for that. How
did you land there? Well? I I did some surveys
around town, and I found that people really love when
they're getting their car washed. Instead of being proselytized to,
they actually love heavy leather and belts and buckles, uh

(07:53):
and all that. So we're we're gonna be leather, have
to be heavy. Couldn't it be sort of a lotweight
later and still accompaniment tight leather denim? Alright, Hi, man,
welcome to lightweight leather. Now. I noticed that you're wearing
what I would call a denim that some people call
a denim. Are you looking for something to go with

(08:13):
your denim? Um? Yeah, I'm looking for something leather. But
the thing about leather that I don't like is that
it's really heavy and it's hard for me to walk.
Excuse me, man, I hate to insult you right now,
but I don't have to know, but I have to,
but I hate it. I have one true eye, one
of them wonders constantly. You were looking at my wondering eye.

(08:35):
That's that's what I want to talk to you about.
You were looking at my wondering eye, and I felt
like you couldn't concentrate on what I was telling you. Yeah,
and I'm sorry to find out that it is still
one of your real eyes. Is shocking to me because
it looks so fake and it was looking so wildly around.
I assumed it had to be like a glass eye,
and it's not glass at all. If you would like

(08:57):
to take the time to either lick it and orpo
with your finger. You're welcome to do so, may I
do both? Please go ahead? And now that that was
pleasing and painful, now yes it is. Let's get to
this lightweight leather that you're looking for. Now you do
realize that there's a new goth clothing store just open up.

(09:19):
They had a CPC and that opening up a store.
If you want something heavy to go with your Dany
suggests you go there. But if you are really looking
for light, I have something in the back room, the
second location, as I call it. Yeah, no, I'm really
looking for something like because they follow me to the
second location. Then okay, hold on, oh my god, oh boy,

(09:48):
you have a live cow in here. It's so to speak, yes,
so to speak, it is a fucking live cow in
the back of your shop. What buck. In a manner
of speaking, it is yes, in a manner of speaking,
in every manner of speaking, I think, in every like
language and every sort of like metaphor, this would be

(10:10):
a live cow in the back of your light leather store.
In a way of saying you are right, in a
way of saying you're correct, yes, yes, okay, So can
I get some light leather? Why? Why didn't we suddenly
become animals. I took to let you I have like
a four minute Okay, Well, I mean I think this

(10:33):
is gonna work. Right. The city has given out leather
permits pretty you know from the hip, right. I think
we should slow down, you know, but I really believe
that Altra City is going to be the hub for
leather goods. I really listen, listen, we are really rooting
for you. You know we're rooting for you. Um, we

(10:55):
think you're a great person personally. There's one there's one
person personally. There's one certificate you haven't got. So you
have all the permits signed off on. Um, that's just
one last thing you need to seems like it's just
a quick initial here. You need to initial here saying
that you, um, um, Jesus Christ is your learning savior,

(11:20):
that you do accept Satan as the strong hold of
your heart, stronghold of my heart. Um. It seems if
you don't sign that, then like he could let the
church stuff will slide back in and we we are closing.
That's that is no, that's no. My my parishes is
Dunzi's God. Yeah, ahead, just initial here that Satan has

(11:42):
a stronghold on your heart. Yeah, we can. Yeah, it's
just it's a formality. Let's do it. Yeah and okay,
doesn't repeat after me, repeat after me. I don't Oh no,
as I don't know. I made as your lawyer. I
feel like I should have been there. I think you.

(12:04):
I think you just made a deal with the devil. Oh,
come on, come on you. It's a new business vengure
and making a deal with the come on? No, no, no?
What did you sign in blood? And it was a
really weird paper. It looked it felt like, uh, I
felt like a leather like with hair on it. I
can't really I've never seen that. Um, you signed like

(12:25):
a leathery, hairy scroll in blood to pledge your undying
devotion to Satan. I'm I'm, I'm, I'm like two blocks away.
You didn't want to give me a call. I don't
want to badn't seem like a lawyer, lawyer, I'm supposed
to be there for the baby. Honda's done. It's Honda.

(12:46):
Was that a Honda Civic? Or was that the Hyundai Lantra? Si,
that's the Honda. Non job of the hund Dune said,
why do why do we come here to meet a car,

(13:06):
but they have lipped in teeth. I understand there's an
attorney they would like to plead a case for a
client who signed in blood. Yes, sir, would you shadowing?
I'm just shadowing, Dorothy. Look when you shadow in the undershadows,

(13:27):
you're as strong as anyone else. No, I'm not. I'm
we dumbediot. No no, no, no, no no, but I'll
be at four hooved a burden the best true. Please
go ahead? Oh no, seriously, no, okay, Um no, yeah,
I have nothing to say. I know. Sorry, Sometimes I

(13:48):
start to say stuff. That's because I have un eternal
fire burning inside of me, so I have to kind
of let out. Um, I'm a dragon. I'm a dragon,
I let out sometimes. Sorry, it's taking notes. Mr Satan, Yeah,
there's a lawyer out. He says that maybe that his
client was signed something under arrest and he wanted to

(14:09):
come before the Royal evil Court, as he called it. Right,
Well send him in. And by the way, Dorothy, your
enthusiasm misappreciated. Okay, great, Mr Zake Eislberg de does it
say deformed? Did you here on your lawyer carter from

(14:30):
some deformed jew? Zich Eislberg. Mr satan is Zake Zike
eisl I've never read that name before. I allowed it.
Tickles me. Zike Eislberg. Make you give Damien's sense of humor.
He's not a big fan of the Hebrew. H and

(14:50):
uh and I hope you are, sir. But yes, Zichi
Eislberg for the for the plaintiff here, uh yes, uh
he uh. He would was not fully aware of the
circumstances when he signed this contract. That it is all
you know. I think you know a forty eight hour

(15:10):
should have that window too, to walk away? Right? You
know what do you call it at a car dealership?
You know? Lemon law, Lemming law? So yeah, I think
under the Lemming law. Sorry did you say lemming? I
think that guy meant Lemon law, Lemon law. Just a second,
Mr Sudenbergrinstein, did you bring your return? Did I bring

(15:37):
my attorney? Who's this gentleman correcting? Oh? He doesn't know me.
I'm sorry. I thought I could bring my boyfriend today.
Is that was that overstepping? I'm sorry, I just thought
it was shadowing Dorothy. He was home alone. How'd it go? Uh?
We're both damned, We're both damned. Now when we were

(15:59):
both damn, I argued limming law. But you know that
that that law that says you shouldn't follow what other
people do and jump off a cliff together. Let me
like the like the rodent, like the lemming, like a
like a liming. Yes, what is it? Like an animal?
Let me what the hell is it? In order to
make out back done on while you're here, get the

(16:24):
blueming onion. That is scene one. I know it's so true.
Oh man, oh golly see two countrots from old pal
Morico Borbon known to us as mo. He wrote, Hey, alchemists,

(16:45):
So my last scene suggestion was the one about the
apple I patch. In the last email, I mentioned how
much I love Caroline Cotter, and the look of sheer
disgust on her face on the Patron video gave me
some serious high school flashbacks, so specific Regardless, she's still

(17:05):
one of my favorite alchemists and always cracks me up.
Here's my scene suggestion. Once luke Leiah Han and the
gang defeat the Empire, they sit down for a celebratory dinner,
where Han jealously confronts them about their kiss. Thanks again,
you fantastic people, which one of you guys had the potatoes.

(17:32):
Pardon me, potatoes here? Yeah? Did you? I'm sorry, I said,
which one of you had the potatoes? Potatoes here? Yes,
they're here. Which one of you had the potatoes? Come
my kids, speak up, Speak up a little bit, speak
up for yourself. Come on, I had the potatoes potatoes
for you and my friend Showy here had the entire

(17:56):
left side of the menu. Right there. You are, Mr.
You eat menu. You're You're more than welcome. Guys, enjoy yourselves.
If you need anything else, I'll be back with some
extra napkins and some butters. Sorry. I was wondering if
my orders here. Um. I ordered like a three course

(18:18):
kind of thing. I gotta appetizer, salad, caesar salad. Um,
I got the fish main course. Did you order that
for me? Yes, you said back to me when you
took the order. I often talk to people, and that
I was probably I also nodding and saying where it's like, oh,
that's one of my favorites as well. Yeah, that's what

(18:39):
you recommended that I get the fish. I totally ignored
your order. I am so sorry. I am so sorry.
Let's get her worshipfulness full order of whatever she wants.
I will be right back with my order pad and
just a moment for now. Everyone else, enjoy yourselves. Cor

(18:59):
you're gonna have to take my my section two all right,
all the tables over. You're gonna have to take my section. Okay.
I'm a little swamped over here. I gotta deal. I
got I gotta deal. I gotta go home. Oh of course, no,
go go right ahead. I got everything. Are you sure? Absolutely?
Can you one of you take the job of the
Hut group? Please please, please, please please here, I gotta go,

(19:19):
please please look at his laugh. I will take that
section as well. I've got this, okay, everybody, okay. So
I told him that his his mom was dying, okay,
and that he needs to get home and say his
last words to her before she passes. So as soon
as the door opens, we're gonna scream surprise, right, So

(19:41):
I hide, hide, hide, everybody hide? Okay. I see his car.
I see his car. Do you want us to hide
and plain sight or really hide? Hide? Look, Fred, you're
just our neighbor, barely our friend. Okay. I don't want
to spend any more time doing this with you, So
just pick, just pick something. I'm going hid in plain sight. Terrific. Okay,

(20:03):
here we comes, here we comes. Remember, hideous mom is dying.
So I'm just like, you know, okay, I'm glad you're dying, bitch.
What's the what the fuck you? I was hiding in
plain side? What the hell is going on? What are

(20:24):
you doing here? Babe? Did you say you glad she's dying? Bitch?
It's okay, honey, I'm not dying. Uh what what is
that you said? There's a ruse? We mean? What's I'm
so confused? What the fun is going on? Are you
dying or not? I'm fine? God? The birthday party for what?

(20:48):
For me? Yeah? It's your birthday today. She's fucking god. Damn.
You're a hundred and twenty eight space years half of
space here today. I still working a fucking restaurant. Huh, hey,
it's fine. There's no ability there. Oh yeah, well you'd

(21:09):
say that because you've got all the goddamn money. What
can I get my inheritance? Not until your two space
here's we've been over this. You know how it works.
Your mama does, everybody's mama does. When they come. You're
our neighbor. I don't really know you Okay, surprise. Fuck uh,

(21:32):
there's a good potatoes. Yeah. I just can't help but
think that he's not going to come back to even
take my order. Hello, I'm back. Did anybody need any
water or anything like? Okay, cool it? Did anyone need
any water? Hi? It's still me again. Hey. Hey, I

(21:53):
haven't met you. Hi. I'm the waiter. No, you've actually spoken.
This second would be your third time, or fifth if
you count the few water breaks you've been over here for. Um.
I took my order, I gave it to you, and
then you came back delivered their food. Said you were
ignoring me, So I would like to place my order now.
Oh I, I just we just got an order of

(22:18):
I think it a caesar salad appetizer. We got the fish.
You ordered that at your table. No, we didn't know.
I didn't order that. I just wanted a small bowl
of onion rings. That's well, I will let me take
whatever I brought you then, and I'll just take that
back to the kitchen. Eat that, ma'am. We have a

(22:40):
very exclusive rule at this restaurant. You only eat the
things you order. Now, I hate if I'm coming off rude,
then forgive me. Do you know who we are. I
don't look at things. I don't look at faces. I
don't look at the motion, look at us and take
a guess. Take a cast. So you start, they just

(23:00):
blew up. Wow, let me just take my guess. If
I was gonna guess and I don't know people, I
would say you probably Francis l Yes. If I was
gonna guess solo and you give me your first initial,
I don't know. That's why I was asking. Come on,

(23:22):
I don't know your first don't they teach you to
read on tattoo? Ween? Yeah, Luke, you know your first initials?
An initial? What's yours? This guy is dumbest rocks. Look,
I'm going over the church. And maybe it was because
the seismic blast, but you got one hell of a concussion.
I have so many questions, okay, okay, okay, starting with

(23:47):
you have a big concussion. I want you to know that.
Just okay. So what's the star war about? Trust the doctor?
And I had this cricket on my shoulder that keeps
you whispering into my ear. Hello, this is my son there.

(24:09):
Oh uh, one second, I think I think Darth Vader
is on the phone. I know Darth Vader is Okay
at this point, do you know who he is to you?
Bad guy? Bad guy? Okay, all right, hey Darth uh yeah,

(24:32):
we're gonna have to call you back. He's under he's
in a little bit stress, right, have to How do
you see him? If you have my sleep apne a machine,
where you send that to my house immediately, I'll have
a nurse send it over right now. God bless you,
God bless you. Okay, here's all the things, here's all
the things I know. I'm just gonna start saying. Okay, okay, alright,

(24:54):
just hold on, let me just skip my think write
about meridian meridians force meriad and you just mean like
a line like a know. I thought that was the thing,
force symbiotic relation relationship Okay, like in nature. Good Okay, Um,
charge your pinks. Oh wow, that's way before you yeah,

(25:17):
way before you were born. Um. I'm sorry for making
everybody wait at the table number one. Um, Mrs Frances Leon,
you don't have to say the missus if it's princesses.
She's not married. Pal. I'm from the South. We call

(25:37):
everybody missus first of all. Where oh you fine, Right,
there's a lot of probably multiple moons. That's a multiple moons. Um,
this whole thing has been a joke. My uncle, are
you my uncle? I'm sorry? Rip is arms off a

(26:09):
more specific scene to everyone, scene too. I always try
my best out there, everybody. Oh man, that was rock solid,
Cras Craig Meridian. Is that a thing not in the universal?
In the blood, there's like blood Meridians. That's what I
was thinking of, Chlorine Dan. That would have been good.

(26:31):
I love the effort. I applaud the effort to get
close barely noticed the effort sweating. Scene three comes to
some patron uncle maniac Dougie, who wrote, Dear Alchemists, this
is not a death threat. Well there's good news. Here's

(26:54):
my scene suggestion. If the year book committee was run
like the mob, see it wasn't a death threat. Much love,
sisters and Mrs Dougie. Frank Pollap, would you please go
to the principal's office? Frank Pollap, would you please go
to the principal's office? Do I have to go? Um, Frankie,

(27:15):
they just called your name over the loudspeaker. You do?
Have everyone heard it? Do I have to go? Yes?
But I would be super paying attention to what you
were saying. You're you're sleep. I think you're just talking
to me in your sleep. Yes, Mrs Sideball, maybe there's
something that we can do to work with Paula. Yeah, um,

(27:42):
that we can give you. No, guys, guys, stop that.
Don't start saying that. I know I'm the third teacher
that this uh class has had this year. Um, and
I will not be intimidated. And he brings a book
a point, you know, maybe there's uh, you know, a
thing we could do to you know. Yeah, and Frank Pollop,

(28:04):
this is your second warning. Frank Pollop, would you please
come to the Principle's office. It feels like I'm supposed
to go. But maybe there's something wrong with the p A.
Maybe we didn't hear it. Oh boys, I'm not standing
for this. Okay, Uh, Frank, you're going to coach? What
do you dye your hair? Is it natural that way? Huh?

(28:27):
Good question? Good question? You think I dye my hair
to look this bad? It's natural. I'm a teacher. I
can't afford to get regular die jobs. Mrs Ibell, why
don't you take this and give yourself taking care of
a nice but yeah, why do you have so much?
This is too much cash for a student to have.
She's smiling, she's smiling. I miss I've all just sit
down in the chair and let me get you some

(28:49):
lemon water to dip your fingers in. Thank you. Your
some friends called ahead for you to said to give
you the works. You must have some real special friends there.
No did I'm sorry this I feel uncomfortable. Um, just
give me the regular. Whatever they said, whatever they did,
just give me the regular. They literally said, give you

(29:10):
the works, and that's where we're gonna give you. Oh no,
well I can't afford the works. I don't ignore. Please,
just it's it's completely taken care of, miss Ball. They've
taken care of it for you. It's taken Do you
prefer light pressure or heavy pressure? I heavy pressure? Please, Okay,
I'm gonna start. I'm gonna start lighter and then just

(29:31):
tell me if you want more. Okay, And I'm keeping
my hands in the lemon water for the Alright, maybe
it's time we start talking about the layout for this year.
Huh yeah, let's get through it, all right, Pete laid
on us. We would talk about the layout first page

(29:54):
the year book, one page the whole year book is
gonna be one pages. What's the theme? The theme is
am I writing? Am I wrong? About? Pretty? Pretty good? Strong?
If we make the yearbook one page? Yeah, we get
all that money for all the extra pages that were
supposed to be in there, because think of all the

(30:15):
money that would have been from pages to through a
hundred and fifty six. But we've got to box it
all in money. Alright, One more thing, uh, Senior quotes
what's the gotta get him? We got every anybody though,
if anybody fucking talks they like that quote, I like
that quote. I wouldn't even do that, You're done thing

(30:35):
in it. I would just finish with if anybody fucking talks,
boom with the ellipses, the three dots right after that.
That's solid am I right in my wrong? And cute,
cutest couple that seems obviously, Yeah, come on, Lenny and Johnny, right,
Lenny and Jenny. He's gonna go against LENNI and Jenny.
It sounded like he said, Johnny, why would Lenny? Why

(30:58):
would Lenny dave Johnny? That doesn't make sense. No, tell
them about it, Frank, Well, literally, I think they know
about us. Man. I think they know about us? What
are you talking about? I hear people talking about Lily
and Johnny or a couple trying to keep it incognito.

(31:18):
The family don't know nothing about us? Yeah, but they do,
they do. What makes you say this though? Wow, frank
I didn't know that. I didn't know. Is that way?
Thank you for opening my mind, my heart? Yeah, everybody

(31:39):
pronoun there's a pronoun? One last thing? Uh? I got
a question mark next to him, miss eyeball, Yeah, well
about it? She living or dying? Well, she's living, She's
living it up right now. She should have a fucking
risk risk deep and lemon water. Right, Thank you, Frankie.
You know what I'm saying. Frankie, you know what you

(32:00):
talking about? Fank you what's going We can't talk about
whacking or every wait wait wait wait wait wait. I
was absent one day and you fuckers decided you're gonna
whack mus eyebaw. She's got a coming. We decided nothing
she's gonna Look. I don't normally go against your book family.

(32:20):
You guys know that about me, right, We've been thickest things.
This is a closer nose you right A I right
in my right when you're right right? What do you
want me to say? I want you to say that
nobody's gonna whack MSUs eyebow, you gotta crushing crush and
eyeball love so fu wait wait wait, look at me?
Is love so fucking wrong? Right now? What the world

(32:43):
needs now is love, sweet love. You guys get it.
You've been hanging out with Larry and Johnny. Okay, guys, um,
thank you all for coming on time to math class today.
Every up cloup motherfucker's clauss. Guys. Okay, what would you say?
I don't want to you don't want to take care

(33:08):
of this, not hit each other. Don't make me call
the principle. Oh, I'm sorry. I felt this is good?
You felt? Yeah? He was screaming because I saw you
punching him and with his knuckles out. What's the problem is, eyeball,
you look lovely in your hand, smell like lemons. Thank you, boys,
And that was way too much that you did for
me yesterday at the spa Um. Anyway, today we're learning

(33:32):
I had I did a special unit. Today. We're doing math,
but we're doing Italian mathematics. Okay, so um okay, yeah,
I v plus V right, Am I wrong? Actually is good,
It's very good. Um, I see you've been doing. Don't't wright,

(33:54):
don't wear your god give me three ccs of polyure thing.
This lady is gonna lose her eye if we don't
work fast. Three ccs three ccs so c is a hundred,
So that's like two hundred exactly. We're doing an Italian

(34:16):
math surgery on this lady right now. You go, What
the hell happened to her? What happened to her eye? Here?
She's put juice in it, scrapped. Give me the depressor,
tongue depressor depress. Sorry, I had it. This is done.
Back stand back back, get back back, get back, get
back back back back's going to relieve the pressure off

(34:38):
her eyeball here, no juice exactly what we need? I
gos alright, D to give it to a straight How
is she? She's gonna live? I'll tell you that much. Hey,

(34:58):
this is for you? And is this fifteen thousand dollars
in small bills that I read really fast? What is this?
What's going on? It's for you for doing a good job.
We appreciate it. I'm just a doctor. Doctors do good jobs.
We don't usually charge anything. That look is we're giving
people we know his family, uh only, but we a
friend of ours needs to pay a little visit. What

(35:21):
are you saying to me right now? I'm saying one
of the boys, one of our high school boys, is
in love with this teacher here and he wants to
let her know. And you think I'm just going to
turn my back and let some punk high school boy.
You you're a doctor, right, You're a doctor? Yeah, yeah,
I'm a doctor. I went to doctor school. I have
a show. You got a brain, Yeah I have I

(35:43):
have a brain. I have a frontal lobo that Its
just shame somebody, Right, what was it? Did you give
your fifteen grand a? Ready? Did you give him the
fifteen lodge? Well, what's your prob But that was for
something that was for something else. Was not a fifth
team lodge to let Tommy go in there? Look, I'm
not can you think the point? Can you give what's

(36:06):
going on? The fifte grand I thought was for the thing? Now,
the fifteen grade for something else. I was going to
threaten the rip out his brain through his ear. We'll
go with that. I mean, we got three different things
going on, like we look at this. We look like idiots.
He's not letting Tommy and we haven't finished a threat yet. Guys,
if you're gonna thread me like this, take a step

(36:27):
away and talk quieter right here everything you're saying. Do
you mind if one of our friends just goes into
the uh, I see you wherever the hell she is
and just caesar Normally, normally as a doctor, i'd say
that's not gonna happen. But I'm feeling giving right now.
I just read the giving tree and I feel like

(36:47):
giving back. Go ahead, I'm gonna give him. I'm not
going to give him a lot of time. Two hours
with their max and wos come on, just a little more,
three four, what does he want? Seven? Seven and out?
An hour more done? Done, Get in the dummy us No, no, no, no,

(37:16):
I'll stay on this side of the drip bag if
that's on the other side of the room. Please. I
have one good eye left now because of you boys.
The doctor said your eyes pretty much gonna be fine.
Oh he did, yeah, pretty much. He said he use
those use those words pretty much. He made it sounds

(37:37):
so much worse um to me. So yeah, anyway, I
just came here to miss some to you. I know,
I'm just a student of yours and fourteen years old.
I get it part of me. Sorry, sorry, stud, the
stuper machine is not working. Yeah, it's back, thank you, eyeball.

(38:01):
I fucking love you. I'm not as shame the fucking
said I love you. I'm fucking love with you. Sais
the fucking first day of high school. I fucking saw
you sending up there to chalkboard, the sucking chalking, your
fucking hand right on the fucking boy doing those fucking
Italian numerals. That was very recent, that just happened today
was the Italian movement. Um I, I'm sorry. I I

(38:27):
feel crazy right now because I don't know if it's
my eyeball medicine talking or what. But um I am.
I can confirm I am sexually attracted to you, and
you know I'm I'm fifty four years old. Should I
be trying to hook up with the fourteen year old? No,
but you've kind of presented me this option and I

(38:52):
can't act on it. But I want you to know
that I, um yeah, I'm I would be interested if
you weren't my student, and if you weren't you guess
what I'm dropping out of school tomorrow. No, no, no,
best in math student I've ever taught. Yeah, but two

(39:14):
plus two don't equals love teacher, and I love you. Look, yeah, Tommy,
this is a big ask. You want me to change
your pertificate to make you eighteen years old. I need
you to change my birth certificate to make me eighteen
years old. And you're gonna drop out of school just
a months, just like four more months or eighteen four

(39:36):
more months and four more years whatever. Matt old on, wait, wait,
this is a big discrepancy here. I think he's four.
I think he's fourteen right now you're fourteen. Oh yeah,
I'm a super small student. I'm one of the best
in math. You lied to me, okay, all right, you
lied to me by making me think you were almost eighteen.

(39:56):
You did that. You made me think that because we
didn't have this conversation. Yeah, you know what. I'm out
of here, and you know what, you can take the
yearbook and can shoving up your fucking as at leastight, alright, alright, alright,
I gotta I gotta let everybody know I love living.
I love living, and that's our wins out every single

(40:26):
good Lord, God bless us all everyone. Let's thank Caroline Connor.
Thank you, Caroline, thank you, thank you, and uh, how's
the other podcast shaping up? Oh? You know, I don't know.
It's hard to say. It's not you know, I don't know.
You can listen to it. Cord core um cater cored

(40:48):
with the question mark, yeah, follow my Instagram Corter poop,
it's not you know, I need I'm you know. Yeah. Sure,
well we thank you for making time today. Thank you
appreciate it. And I'll that you bring Gary happy. Williams. Well,
I'm just glad to be here. Brother. Right you feel
alive and ready? I really do. I really feel like

(41:12):
there's no there's nothing that could go wrong, right are?
You're in great hands? Yeah, and thank you again. Thank you,
my friends, Thank you, my friend. Look for my news
cartoon The Harper House to be out super thin if
you're they're going to be I don't know how Comic
Con is doing it this year, if US online or whatever,

(41:32):
but they're gonna be showing some episodes The Harper House,
The Harper House, right on, and congrats Chris Anthony Alvarado,
thank you for being her brother. Thanks for having me.
I really like playing with everybody. I'm glad that we're
all friends as well. It makes me happy. It came
across the picture of us the other day when we
all have that lunch. That was really fun. Also, you

(41:54):
can check out my other podcast, The Comedy Fix, where
we question everything you've ever known about comedy and performance.
That's The Comedy Fix. Nice, thank you, Yeah, check that out, folks,
UH and Craig Kowski. Will there be another UH podcast
with you and Carla who knows? Who knows? I'm gonna

(42:19):
I'm gonna wait until you know movie theaters open up again. Well,
I know they're open. I'm gonna wait till I go
to a movie. That's right. That's right again. Delta variant,
Delta variant. Here's to it. And please make a donation
to the National Association of College Kids who write papers
or knack whip. You make a donation, whatever it is,

(42:44):
penny dollar, whatever you can do, will take anything. Yes,
thank you for that. Joey Gramman. Yeah, thank you again,
brother Buzz. Thanks for having me. Check out Alchemy this
on the Instagram. Check on alchemy this subreddit. I believe
it's alchemy this pod. There's you know, people talking about stuff. There.

(43:07):
There's a lot of MLM going on, so jump into
one and uh, you know, get the bag, get the bag,
get the bad goddamnit. Thanks everyone for being here, Thanks
for joining us. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Remind you
to please be kind to each other. It's the easiest
choice and the one that makes the most sense, so
what the hell. Until next time,