Halloween is coming to the home of the Meeble’s, but they may not be ready. There’s a flaming pit in Arkansas, and after Satan is ruled out, the locals try to make sense of it. The management at the Kroger’s in Timber Box, Florida may not be ready for what’s coming to his store. A quick side trip to Hell allows us to check in on a few locals there, including Christian Bale.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to Alchemy this. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes
that Kevin Pollock? What's that? Thank you? Yes, the marvelous
Mrs Maisiel is the best work I've done in twenty
three years. What's your point? But I digress. Throughout my
long career, I've seen my fair share of true alchemy.
By definition, alchemy is quote when a person creates something
through a seemingly magical process. And my dear she he
(00:26):
in days. Like I said, I've been witnessed to the
stuff on several occasions. An example, you ask, sure, let's
watch the tone though, Yeah, okay, here's one the group
the pretenders never had to not too long ago, when
I did hit me deep in year old cortex. What
if I brought together the right creative peeps and asked
them to make up scenes based on my own twisted,
(00:47):
demented ideas, and then offered a podcast of this seemingly
magical process, and I called it alchemy? Why can't you
get woke like your lesbian aunt? Well, after months of
title tinkering, I'm it's very proud to welcome you to
another episode of Alchemy. This supposed to be supposed to
(01:09):
make a noise. Yeah, yeah, no particular order. Let's welcome
back Vanessa Ragling everybody. Why wasn't the crying game ever
offered as a real game? Oh, because of the tissue
co sponsor didn't work. That's correct. The really tried to
land on but didn't happen. Say hello to Joey Greer
Greer here and get used to it. When will you
(01:32):
marry um? Past past past? Look out? It's James Heeney. Everyone, James,
Can I call you a cooking Kenneth? Oh my god,
I just was like one time where I can be
called James. That's my name, That's what people call me.
All right, Well, then say hello to Chris Alvarado. Chris,
do you even have eleven Bucks? I can just borrow
(01:53):
you know I do? Okay, good, all right, Let's get
to our first saint. Oh, it's so exciting because it's
Halloween time, everybody. When we're recording this, this Halloween and Medford, Oregon,
I think it proves to be a little different. When
ghosts and goblins ring the doorbell of Connie and Carl
(02:14):
me bowl, Where are the rass the little reasons in
the closet? Why are they in the closet. They were
on this dish. I put don't leave the candy out there.
It's gonna give. No, it doesn't go. It's wrapped. We
have to have it on the for the trick trader.
I'm gonna unwrap it. I'm gonna leave it out. If
this is supposed to be used, it's gonna be open period. No,
(02:36):
they don't. They think they'll be razors. Put on, put
on the hat. Put on the wizard hat. Put on
the hat. I'll put on the hat. Put on the hat. Okay,
look at me, look spooky. Oh very good. Okay, Okay,
showtime tricker. True it's Connie. Connie. You just slammed the
(02:57):
door on the kid's face. Connie. Did you see that? Yes?
I did. That was hyper realistic. There was four ft
tall like a child. It was a child into Yes,
they don't make costumes that good, do they? And now
they do? Connie, come out. It's a different time with
YouTube and all that stuff. People can go online. Okay,
(03:18):
I I hope it's a little girl unwrapped. Those kids
bindered unwrapping. I'm not hello trig or treat Do I
say that or either the same one. I'm working God
damn it. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I slammed the door
because I was puffed out of nowhere. Okay, we're gonna
have to kill it. We're gonna have to kill that thing. Okay, okay,
(03:43):
way hold a second. It could just be a kid. Okay,
I'm gonna answer it. You get the baseball bat with
the nails in it, the Walking Dead one? Okay, okay, hello,
one opening from a trick? Connie, Where is it? I'm
coming in? Is it in the closets, in the closet,
(04:03):
the upstairs one, behind the thing upstairs? Connie, stay there.
We have a problem. Yeah, we do, Connie, Why are
you moving myself? Carl the creature once invitam? I can't.
I'm sir, I'm sorry, I'm a I'm sorry, but right
now we're fully booked, so let me see if I
can help. Did my daughter give you guys a spoke?
(04:25):
We kind of rehearsed us at home. Get out of here.
Ho ho, I took a lot out of me. What's
going on? Officer, sir? Officer, Conny, it's a pleasure to
(04:56):
meet you. Halloween. Carliebel with the with the car dealership.
Oh hey, I bought a I bought a dodge Ram
from you, Patros Yeah, I'm gonna see you as well. Well,
this is a nice place, Thank you, thank you. Oh
should I just stepped in? What is this? What's going on?
The demon? Oh? It was we thought it. I mean,
(05:21):
in our defense, we certainly thought it was a demon.
You don't take the place that's are you having that
bad place? You're going to finish it off? Yeah? I
want to make sure this thing is dead, completely dead, sir?
Are you the father of this? Yeah? I deal with
(05:43):
this a lot every year. You got you gotta kill
you gotta kill the parent demon as well. Oh my gosh,
for everybody the snickers. Yeah, I mean, I'm not really
dressed up. I don't know that's appropriate. You're dressed up
as a cup. I was wondering about the gas manage
of my ram while I'm here. You it was gonna
be thirty five miles per gallon I'm getting about. That's
(06:03):
probably how you're driving it. Oh yeah, yeah that's me.
So guys, I don't want to be bummer. Um, you know,
I don't want to be a bummer, but we got
something pretty sad on the stoop and it's only you know,
we're gonna have a whole how I'm very sorry, Mrs Maebele,
(06:24):
Mrs Meebele. I will make sure people come here clean
this up, and you can just carry on with your
with your treating. And I'm sure I misunderstanding, but it
feels like we lost two human lives. You are misunderstanding.
You are misunderstanding. We just lost two demons. They're all
over organ That much was dem too. Yeah, you really
looked like a parent. That's how they get your shape shifters. Yeah,
(06:46):
oh get you. You know cars, you know, Dad, I'm
going up two dead bodies in the front. Really, that's
lame as ship, honey. It's in a decoration, all right.
I won't tow too many eggs in the neighborhoods. So yeah,
actually you can't make a good point. I was gonna
have these cleared up. Might as well leave him. Here's
the decoration I was just trying to cover from. I
think that I have a nice day, Thank you, thank you.
(07:09):
We can put some candles on their, Connie, we can
make it look nice. Carl Carls, I can't. You got this, baby,
you got it's your favorite holiday? Yeah, it was really
we smash those things. Okay, trick or treat, treat treat
(07:30):
you're supposed to hand. Would you like the unwrapped treess
or the wrapped trees? No? Please sealed and wrapped and
safe for me to eat. I'm not going to say
I told you so to my husband, but I didn't
tell them. Just here you go to for you, big boy?
What are you supposed to be? I'm a businessman. Very convincing,
(07:54):
thank you. Yeah, he's cute other door. Uh but do
we say that or not? I don't think we do,
but I think it's fun the way you're throwing him off. Guy,
I'm a wizard. Can I grant you a wish? You
have three wishes? This is my black cat the Wizards? Okay,
(08:17):
well no, well that sounds like a cat to me.
We have to take those impropt classes again. I think
we paid. They were helping everything, They were helping us communicate,
they were making us funnier. There were I'm not going
to go through another and we quit on level two.
Was like enough, excuse me, excuse me? Part of me.
I turned thirteen tomorrow, so this is like my last
(08:38):
official Halloween. Oh my god. Yeah, I'm a little bummed
about it because like, after tomorrow, I'm a man, and
then that means I need to be I don't know
what that means. Guys not Jewish, But then how's he
a man if he's the only man that can turn
into men at thirteen or Jewish? I'm having sex tomorrow
for the first time. It doesn't make you a man, honey,
my dad says it does. It doesn't make you a
(09:00):
man unless you know how to handle what comes afterwards. Okay,
there's emotional Can you help me with that? You proposition
to my wife for sex, No, for what comes after,
for the emotional support, that's correct. I don't know. I am.
I have my own young son, and I'm look, I'm
really pumped because, like I love Halloween and this is
my last year. Well, okay, we give you some candy.
(09:23):
You're not wearing a cos you just gotta came up
in like gym shorts, T shirt. Well, yeah, I have
a hoodie wrapped around my waist. That's got to be something.
I mean, is it like an animal hooking? Whose child?
Are you? Yeah? Um? At his house later that night.
Let me see how you did tonight? Good? What do
you got wrap Snickers? What is that? Yeah? Unwrapped snickers?
(09:47):
What the hell is on? Rent? Rent? The mebles? And
also Dad every time. I don't want to argue with
you or anything, but you said that. Um, when I
turn thirteen, on becoming a man, if you have sex,
you do yeah, yeah, no I know. Yeah, but Mr
is gonna have sex? Yes, sir, then you'll be a man,
Yes sir. That means you get a job, yes sir?
All right, yes, maybe go off the war. Yes, these
(10:09):
are the things that happened. I couldn't help. But over
here there you're gonna be a man. So yeah, yeah,
ain't going to a man? Can't you believe that's our
little guy's gonna be a man? I can believe it.
He's thirteen. Look at him strapping. Not all of us
did what you did. Not all of us are going
to kill a man more thirteen years old. Just because
(10:30):
you do doesn't doesn't mean we all are. You're right,
not everybody I am to have sex. What's the difference?
What not? Every man goes through the same ritual. You understand, Well,
what I need from you is either sex, killed or
go off the war. Okay. I think I'm also fla. Well,
they'll turn it intom like in love with a moscow.
(10:51):
That's support. I'm fine with that too. That's the part
I don't know about. Mrs Meeble says, I need to
have some kind of emotional connection. Is Mabel Mabel on
an input on my boy sex? Laugh? Now that's kind
of real. So she was wearing a low cut top
and Mr Maeble, I think we need to have a
conversation with I'll stay here. You're coming with it, okay,
(11:13):
I mean that's getting the super first. Well, you guys going, huh,
we're going to the mables. You have to push that in.
I don't know that is we typed in the address?
How tough at this big? Wow? Okay, it's gonna be
one of those rights. Huh yeah, four point nine one
make it think a little whole route? Is that ponytail real?
Or is that for Halloween? On that? All right? That's right,
(11:38):
it's not real. It's not real. A lot of people
don't catch that. A lot of people don't catch that.
My family. Excuse me, sir, a man yet? Have you
ever had sex? Have you ever had sex before him?
I had sex? I'm a man. I got a job.
Have you have you ever killed someone? My dad has?
Of course? I have you? Have you ever gone a war? Yeah?
Of course dad. Is this a man? That's a man?
(12:01):
That wolf's lock of my own? Honest slack? Let me
say so. Let me say how much of a man
I am? I don't read, I don't write, I don't
talk about my feelings. Oh man, can I ask you
a question? That driver? You get? All right? Question number three? Bad?
Who's this other guy in the car there? Yeah, we
didn't sign up for a share. I not a parole officer.
(12:24):
Pretend like I'm not even here. Oh, you're just verifying
that he's got a jeb and he does? Okay? Is
that a real gun? It's a real gun. Shot add
to the list. Take a bullet. You all are paid
(12:46):
for this, all right? You gotta pay well. Gosh, I
don't know. Is your parole officer that did the shooting?
I did not do the shooting. Somebody to pull the trigger.
It was in my pocket, you know what. We're just
at the Mabel's knock. Can he dropt? Hush? I'll walk
it off. Such a bummer? Really was? That's all We're
gonna charge my phone? Hold on, let me get that
(13:09):
guy one start all right, Uh, I don't want to answer, baby,
I promise you it's not going to be another ghoul.
How don't we go over those last night? What if
they're still here? Demons exist inside of us, but we
got to take care of those demons ourselves. Listen to
(13:30):
what I'm saying. Don't just repeat it. This is the
improv training. Okay, just listen. Listen and yes, listen and yes.
Let me get the door. Hello, Oh my god, Hi,
Mr and Mrs Me do you okay? Get inside? To
(13:51):
get inside? It's my mom, Oh my god to me
you okay, Yeah, is my mom there? She is? Hello,
It's okay, calm nice back door? You get what do
you want? What did you say to my boy? Mrs
(14:13):
said it? I've never seen it? Hi, remember I do? Remember? Yeah?
Thirteen years old? Oh I overstepped. That's just talking to
the mob. Boy, I got to be a man, I
was saying. I was just saying. Sex is a big decision,
and um, you know there's a lot of that. You
(14:33):
want to just do it, Just kill Connie if you
want to do it, just kill Captain Coward. Here's what
we'd like give my kids right, he's trying. Demands Number four,
give the kid candy next year and shut the hell
up about his sex life. Number five through seventh, we
will like you to relocate your kitchen aland to my kitchen.
(14:54):
I love that kitchen island. Number me. What do you need?
I need to have sex with Mrs Mabel? That seems reasonable.
Excuse the blood, Mrs Mabel, excuse them. Carl. You could
say no, oh you are offered. Well you're thirteen. I can't.
(15:15):
I wish I could. That's right. What are you doing?
Tell me? It's tatutory. What's the matter with you? You
got a daughter? You two just like a little pig
or what a daughter like a little pig? Or a pig?
Or a pig? We're giving the options. We don't have
a pig right now. I love them in very smart.
(15:35):
You got a boy and we haven't seen him, okay,
since I've got a deal for him. On the eve
of your eighteenth birthday, like this is going Connie coming,
Why are you taking your robe off? I'm just letting
you know what you have. But you know, imagine this
six years later. I don't know how it's gonna hold.
(15:57):
But on the eve of have your eight eat gig.
Come to the meat. She's walking upstairs. It's really like
four and a half years. Yeah, right right. I don't
know what all right, Mr mean, but I guess i'll
see you in four and a half years or so. Okay, okay,
what did you say? That's what I know about the pig.
(16:18):
I do not have a pig. They're very smart. Okay.
They're cleaners on the cat? What cleaners on the cat?
I don't know that your cat, but you clean my cat? No? No,
I don't claim cats. They clean themselves. Cats cleaning themselves.
That's two pigs. I'm saying. The pigs alright, sudden like
(16:41):
cleaner cat. I don't know that. People love cast people
on my peg? What is that? I don't know. They're
flesh romhind Us. Too much of our pigs are cats? Pigs?
I don't know. For I don't have fart have flesh
underneath their for Come there, man, Oh my god, it
lucky dude. Mom? What's going over there? Tom? What's over
(17:01):
on the wall? Never mind what you're hear? What kind
of paint do you think the pool? It seems to
be lodged in my phone? Good? Yeah? Is that the
Georgia O'Keefe it is. I'm smart. Yeah, okay, I'm done here.
Thanks go okay, should we call the uber? Let's do that,
(17:26):
And now we take you to a news story, one
that I found most interesting and wanted to see what
it looked like alive. The headline for the story simply read,
Satan ruled out as experts puzzle over mysterious flaming pit
in Arkansas. Do me a favor and look down into
this pit. What are we looking for? I looking for
(17:49):
the bottom right, Well, it seems to be a lot
of fire. I mean that's not natural. I believe loss.
Not down in a pit. Down in the pits usually darker,
colder earth, unless you get to the magma. But nobody's
ever done that before. Why do we have representatives from
the National park here? This is a state park, not
a National park. Quarantine. This area is quarantine. Let's go
(18:13):
over what we do and don't know thus far. All
we really know is that Satan has been ruled out.
Who did that? Who ruled out Satan? I ruled out Satan?
What we're findings, Well, we checked his thing and he
was airtight, alibi his whereabouts you y'all spoke to Satan himself.
We didn't speak to him himself, no, but we have
(18:35):
ways a representative receptionist. Well, God damn, look who it
is sorry to just barge in here. Oh yeah, if
it ain't the man with the cowboy boots, that's right,
sent by the Vatican himself. Listen, this is a this
is a state park, and you are definitely not supposed
to be in here. We've got this under control. I
think you do. Heard you said Satan ruled it out. No, no,
(18:58):
I was saying I rolled out, Say oh you did. Huh.
I'm not so ready to rule out Satan. You shouldn't
because he ain't ready to rule you out. Are you doing?
Arkansas representative of the Vatican. That's right. I'm the Vicar
of the Church through the Vicar of Arkansas. Because that's
in Italy and you sound pretty local, that's right now
speak of God. Damn. Look Italian and talent thing to
(19:18):
use that terminology as well, working for the Vatican. So
my guesses is that has to be supernatural, because otherwise
fire can't burn at the bottom of where the flame
coming from. I mean, that's where the flames coming from.
It's on fire down there. Yeah, I was thinking if
perhaps um it wasn't Satan, perhaps it was someone Satan
(19:39):
knows somebody something Dan the guys in my office, State
Park office. Sorry, I don't want to step on National
Park toes here, but we this thing has been burning
for four days, right, we can't. We've thrown things down
there as a way to see what's down there. It
doesn't come back up, so you know, it's not a
(19:59):
bouncy bouncing down there. It seems that the flame engulfs them.
We we threw some noisemakers down there, you know, turned
on a boom box and the music we don't. We
can't tell if it stops or if it keeps going
because you can't hear it anymore. But not over the flame.
About the flame, and I think I think that's how
dub step was. We could do that. Uh, look, I'm
(20:22):
gonna throw this out there. I want to step by
anybody's toes now, nobody wants to step on anyone's toes.
And what was your name? Steve? Rebecca? Rebecca great, nice hands? Okay, alright, alright, listen,
I'm done talking to you because I'm gonna jump into that.
Oh God, Oh goddamn, I knew it all right. I
(20:43):
thought we'd just hit it home. Oh my gosh, Like
was this always something? It is? Something like this happens
to me. You have evil inside of you? Maybe I do. Hello,
what the hell? Welcome? Wait? Wait? This is hey? If
(21:05):
this is Hell, then I got a couple of questions
for Satan? Alright again? Can I speak to Satan? What
can I do for you? He's not Satan, he's working
with you. Answers? Okay, what are your questions? Well? First
of all, why is this fire even roaring? Who started it?
(21:25):
And what's the purpose? Get off my ankles? Can you
get off my ankles? You little some bitch? Not need
some answers? This fire here? There's a one way portal.
The hell? What else did you expect to have? That's
why you're here? Okay, all right, I follow you, So
explain to me what the purpose is? Are you looking
for more recruits? Is Hell getting a thin down here
(21:46):
with population? Wise, you don't have to answer that. Her
here's not good now him, I can jump right out
of this thing whenever a day montone Troy well to,
That's what I'm telling you right now. What was your name? Again, Rebecca, Rebecca.
(22:10):
When I was down there in the pit of Hell.
It is hell, by the way, it's a portal, two
things crossed my mind. One Statan was a liar, he
probably create this in Two I went thought of your eyes.
I thought of you. Why did you jump in the
fire pit right when we had a moment? Because I'm
a man of action, Rebecca, I don't want to sit
around bureaucratic red tape whatever that even that statement even
(22:34):
means I don't want it. I jumped in. Wait. Are
you national parks, Yes, ma'am, State parks. This could never work, Rebecca.
Look at me. You see this badge, I'm throwing it
into the pit of hell. Rebecca. You see this belt
taking it off? What the hell are you doing, Recca, Rebecca.
(22:54):
You see these floor shams, shoose They're going into the
pit of hell. Okay, I stand here. I stand here
before you were like a man who has been to
hell and back. Literally write that down, because that's pretty
that's I'm here to tell you that you're the one
for me, boss? Is that Okay? If I take a
fifteen minute extra long lunches this afternoon, I gotta be honest.
(23:16):
I honestly, would really like to wrap this up. And
I did say I said that I didn't think it
was satan, and I'd really like to be able to
say I told you. So. Let's jump ahead three years.
These two are at couples therapy. We've got two therapists
for the price of one. I'm not comfortable crying, and
she always wants me to cry. One should have cried.
(23:38):
I don't choose my words. I don't want you to cry.
It seems like you're always asking. I want to know
that you're capable of crying. Yeah. Sure, every man is
keep bull of crying, ain't there right there? Yeah, okay,
your time starts now. And uh, let's kind of go
into that. I think that's very interesting. Steve wasn't Steve?
That's right? And uh, yeah, you know, leave with Steve.
(24:00):
That's great. Well, I'm just leading with what's most vulnerable
at the moment. Oh is that Steve that's vulnerable? Yeah,
that's for Rebecca. This is me vulnerable. And these doctors
can see. It's a technically therapist. I'm not I'm not
a full fledged doctor yet, but I'm you know, you're
not a shadowing. I'm shadowing No, it's painfully clear you're
(24:23):
not a real doctor. But thanks for clearing that up. Well,
it's not that I'm I'm shadowing. What's your janis? Yeah,
Jannis hear me out. Is Rebecca mad at me? Or
is Rebecca mad at herself? That's a question I could
answer that. You would want to answer that Rebecca. Actually,
(24:44):
actually I would like to get an opportunity to answer
this for her. Thank you. I'm looking at just go
with it. I mean, I think Rebecca and you are
both just really mad at yourselves. I disagree out my hand.
Oh that's a nice knee. Okay's happen? Can have any contact?
(25:08):
May I just give you a little context. We met
when my husband literally went from hell and back. Okay,
that's part of our meat cute. We wrote the book,
but that wasn't reality. Now my life is a living hell. Okay, Okay,
I think that was reality. That did happen, but it
wasn't and I couldn't know him as a person. Oh,
(25:30):
he's not a doctor anything doctor. To be fair, I
am also shadowing. No, Now doctors, do you want need
to go into the fact again that I pleat probably
read the book. You probably read the book press of
the movie Christian Bale play a great me. Now do
I need to remind y'all that I jumped into hell
(25:52):
came out and proposted this woman. We don't need a
reminder that because I loved that. That's my favorite part. Now,
you would think that that would let me out the
hook with certain duties around the house. I would disagree
that you would think that maybe the dish wash your
empty itself. If I've been to Hellenback, just saying well,
in my opinion, professional opinion as a shadower, I feel
(26:14):
that the past is the past. In moving forward, you
have to find an equal footing for each doesn't mean anything,
it does. It means that just because you went to
Helen Back doesn't mean the rest of your life you're connecting.
I like that. I got a serious question for you. Yes,
are you wearing a State Lauder? What estate Lauder perfume?
I mean it's a knockoff bramp. Yeah, sure it's Estate Lauder,
(26:40):
but it's the target version. And Steve, you don't even
know what you're talking all right, you know an umbrella.
I think we're getting a little topic here. I think
we're I think we're we are we're diffusing. If we
remember using that word last time, if we remember also
the word please don't touch my knee, if we also
remember some of the other words of a missed connection
with the remember that I do feel like I had
(27:02):
a missed connection with Steve. Now that this is not
about you, j okay, oh no, no, no, thank you
guys for letting me take that break. I help doctor
to shadow. That's a doctor. See okay, on, I can
trust you, and I look at Rebecca's eyes just light
right up. Steve, I'm gonna need you to take a
time out. Rebecca, give me a couple of things that
(27:24):
have driven you to your need to come here today. Well, um,
Steve is the only thing that is, you know, literally
causing me to come here today. So that why would
just say, Steve one thing easy, pointing, less fingers, being
more specific? Okay, the way that Steve doesn't meet my needs? Okay,
which needs in Um, Steve does not cry on command,
(27:48):
and I'm not asking him too, but it wouldn't hurt
if he sometimes did. I put I make very obvious
invitations where we could weep together, and I met with nothing.
I met with nothing. Thing the way Steve doesn't empty
the dishwasher. Can I just get an example of an
obvious invitation to weep together? Sure, he's out at the office.
(28:09):
I'm at my office. Okay, we both are. We both
worked for the park system. And yeah, I was gonna say,
he loves to hold it over my head. But you
beat me to it, didn't you, Steve. But he's good
at he's very good at. He's national your state. I'm stage.
So you're in your office. You call him. I say,
let's meet at the house tonight. I'm feeling upset, feeling emotional. Yes,
(28:30):
I use the word upset so he knows. And then
I beat him home. I turn off the light. Interesting
choice of words. Beat Yes, thank you, doctor. I'm not
taking sides. Shoes everywhere in a heart shape on the floor, tissues.
It's a great I sit in the middle. I put
(28:52):
on what's his name. It's not it's not a man,
it's a it's a woman. Her name is Tracy Chatman
because she sounds like man. That's a man. They've got
the fast car. I put that on. I sit in
the middle of a heart shaped, rude, little ring of tissues.
I don't know if you can go out a ring.
If it's a hard I'm sorry, Steve, don't eviscerate me.
(29:13):
We cut to the therapist waiting room. Do you know
you know when the doctors is going to have time
for me today? Your appointment? Well, don't have an appointment.
I want to know if he's gonna have time for
me today. Okay, I'll wait, I can wait, Sure, you
can wait. Yeah, so I can come on my cancel. Okay, uh,
next place? Yes, hey ah, if you're looking for a
doctor to give you smith vice, I could help you.
(29:36):
I mean, i'd I'd like to say a professional. I'm professional. Then, yes,
I'm freelance I'm not allowed to work in this lobby though. Okay,
I follow me. Okay, yeah, is anybody in the restroom?
No Ah, I got to go to a different resort.
They said no, they said no, they're in there. I
could hear them and they said no, it's fine. Trust me.
I do this a lot. This isn't my first gig. Okay,
(29:57):
follow me. What's going to the men's knock? Knock? Anybody
in there? All right? Come inside? Getting this doll. Okay,
I'm gonna sit in the next doll. It's gonna be
me okay, all right, what's your problem? Um? This is
just kind of hard to say. Um, but hold on
(30:19):
a second. I'm going to start a time or now
all right, if anybody comes in, I'll pause the timer,
I swear, But you can't talk to me while there's
somebody else in here. Okay, that's kind of uh, it's
not I don't rent this space. Okay, go makes starting
the timer. That makes sense. I'm starting the timer. I
had this recurring fear because of that fire pit that's
(30:42):
opened up in Arkansas, that Hell is taking over and
that I gotta stop you. It was it was written
that the Satan ruled out on that. It has nothing
to do with what did you see the book? Do
you see the movie with Christian Bale. That's a fictional movie.
I'm sorry, go on, go on. Okay, Well that's sad.
So anyway, Johnny, I say, you know you're gonna go
use a stall or yeah? Yea, So I said, listen,
(31:04):
why do you got to be such a bit all
the time? She smacked me in the face. Well back right, man,
I didn't, and I feel like I should have. I
feel like you should have. Yeah, by the way, you
got that forty on me. I do okay, good, good, good,
good good. All right, it's all. I've all. I'm all done.
(31:29):
I will see you outside. Anyone need to wipe? I think?
And selling whites? How much? Just the one? It's a
small pack. Okay, it has three wet wipes. Keith, I
think you were talking about getting one of them. No, yeah,
(31:51):
I wasn't. You shouldn't be talking like that because you
want me for too goddamn dollars. Let me get to
and you can buy some wait wait, wait, look at
those feet under that stuff. But okay, oh shit, just
to me, I'm doing a therapy session. No alwa's I'm
just I've got to clean my hands. Mr Tremont, what
(32:12):
do you rent this space? We've had this discussion so
many times. Mr Tremont. It's a public restroom, and I
had to use the restroom. You're using it as a
private You are who people that know each other have
shut the doors in the stalls. It's becomes a private restroom. Well,
I'm going to talk to the building manager very well. Stop.
(32:34):
You said you had a problem earlier. I did, and
I hate to abuse my connection to your so know
that I really really thought about this Mr tremonth back. Oh,
come on in. Another guy in the next another guy
in the next door. Confession. This time I couldn't. I didn't.
(32:56):
I was offering another man of wipe, and I saw
the feet and I knew those shoes, the trees. Well,
I appreciate you bringing this to my attention, Betty. Um,
let's see your due for a raise. Oh, I didn't
mean to drop that. That's weird. I were coming the
same day. But let's talk about it. Here's how I
(33:16):
like to work to raise community. Anything you say, you
tell me what you're looking for, and I tell you
how that works for me. I'd like to make four
million dollars a year. Give me another number. I would
like to make three million dollars. Mm hmm, if it
(33:37):
weren't a number followed by the word million. Okay, okay, Oh,
I would like to make for a year. You were
talking a quarter a quarter? Good, Betty, very good. Let
me see here, I have a fifteen hundred dollar a week. Okay,
(33:58):
that's wonderful, all right, beautiful. In Virginia, there's a grocery
shopper who was accused of rubbing produce on his buttocks
and then putting it back on the show. It's all
in a day's work for the manager at the Kroger's
and Timber Box, Florida, Mr Tim Kreischer. I promise you
(34:25):
what that camera angle that shows that it's just it's
it's trick photography, basically trick photography. I mean, why would
I put frozen peace on my buttocks? I don't got
another angle if you want to look at shea. We
got some good technology at kroger Here we go. Come on.
I mean, that's clearly you rubbing it around the whole.
(34:46):
You know, listen, there's nothing illegal about it. There's plastic
around the frozen piece, and I've got heaven snow plastic
around the frozen pieces, plastic in the bag. Yeah, that's
I'm talking about. I'm not opening I'm not putting the
piece in my buttocks. Can you play the video where
he puts a pieces? Play the video let me kiss
and go wrong? Okay, Well that one, I mean, that's
(35:07):
just all loose cucumbers, and that's some tomatoes. Here's the one.
Here's the real incriminating one. Well, I mean yeah, but
i mean I'm sure if you follow that tape and
watch me to the REGI I purchased those pieas. I
can do whatever I want with those ones. You've purchased
one bag of peas that was unopened. The open bag
of peas you sealed what looks like Scott's tape and
your own spit. Oh, I guess, I guess I must
(35:28):
have mistakenly swapped him. I thought that I was I
thought that. I mean, I thought I was buying the
ones that I opened. How about I'll pay for the
I'll pay the dollar seventy high for those piece. You
will pay that I'm gonna have to. You're kicked off
the property. We here would love to make you a
general manager. Hell, we'd love to make you a regional manager,
(35:50):
but we can't move forward when you keep having customers
rubbing products on there. I'm gonna say it. Don't say it,
don't do on private privates. Thank you, Thank you. What
I got to say. The board is waiting. The board's
very angry. But also also we can work with you again.
(36:12):
We like a lot of the things you doing. You
do great, and a lot of other other other other aspects.
The timber Box locations one of our favorites in the
state of Florida. It's almost a flagship store. You're an
artist flagship. We'd like it to be the flagship. What
are you gonna say, the kroger produce. It's just it's
just asking for people to put it here. I don't
(36:35):
even know what that means. It's not gonna fly. Do
you do you want to work on a goddamn out
all these no? Huh? Do you look at me? Do
not throw all these under the bus. They're German, I'm not.
I'm only doing Americans, are they? Though? I think they
want to be German. I think they were one. I
don't think Germany. The point is, if you're not a
kroger Man, then you're not a god damn kroger Man.
I am a kroger Man. One of the first seven
(36:56):
rules of band of kroger Man. Number one, always be
dressed for the job. Number to show up on time
and show up with a smile. Number three, where your shoes,
no hats. Number four. If you don't have change, don't worry.
The box does. Boom Number five Everyone on shift is
the same. Boom. Number six. If you ever come in late,
just don't show up at all. And number seven breathe
slow down, then get back in that store and fix
(37:18):
this goddamn problem. Stepped outside just for a second, if
you wouldn't mind, We're going to confers. I was going
to have a smoke break. But should I stay inside?
Are you guys going? Who's invited? You? Do you want
me to stay? Or I'll stay? Yeah? You stay and
I'll stay with him? Should I? Should I leave? Sema,
you can smoke in the office. Why don't you just
wait outside here to do this? We'll have you right
(37:40):
back in, So I would just wait here? Well, I
mean outside, I mean it's smoking. Does look cool inside?
People never do it anymore? Watch a French in hill
some of Let me get a hit off the whoa whoa.
Look at this guy. Good, looks cool, looks really cool. Alright, alright,
(38:03):
what are we gonna do to blow a smoke ring?
But now I've gotta be honest. He knew all seven
points like that. He seemed to have memorized the first seven.
I was going to say the first twelve. Should we
hit him for more? I'm sure he knows him. I
don't know if you guys noticed. Yeah, but there are
tattoos showing beyond his neck and maybe it's the angle.
(38:24):
Baby we are not allowed to care. Yeah, she's got
a point. We're not allowed to not allowed to care
about tattoos. No, not in this day and a look,
Mr Kreisher is a good captain of a ship. The
problem is there is one tiny pinhole in that ship
that will eventually sink this shift. What do you see
(38:44):
as the pinhole? You guys? Nicotine is so good, it's underrated.
Do we sell this as a drug? I got it?
What do you got, Steve? We do a big thing,
a Saturday thing Saturday, Saturday afternoon when the families are out.
(39:05):
Mr Kraisher rub the products on his butt. I don't
know fall and he says he you know, he said
something to the effect of, uh, I stoop as low
as our lowest customer, and and something to that, you know,
are relatable. I think that's very bad. That question. One
(39:26):
of the things that got you in the room. Steve
is remaining outside the box today. Maybe we bring you
back in a little into the box. Maybe he should
wait outside for a moment while we talk and I
can keep smoking. Did he not leave? No? No, you
this is embarrassing. Just for a moment. It will be
probably a very short conversation. Hey, gang, I've got an idea, Steve,
(39:48):
are you enter you out make a decision? Standing in
the doorway is unattractive. Alright, I'll leave then, so much
get another head. Sure I got enough for everyone if
we can do this. We're doing what I think I mean.
Forgive me if I'm wrong. We should fire him. And
(40:10):
it's rubbing the produce on his I just thought it
was a customer. It's a customer. It's just it's just
a customer. I thought it was an employee. Now I
understand why we're the way. I understand my way we're doing.
So the question was how much was our manager going
to responsible involved should be help? Well, I sure as
hell don't think he should start rubbing things on his body.
(40:32):
That I remember that I stand up for Steven. Just
remind you one of the reasons we like him is
that he thinks that he missed fired on this one. Sure,
thanks for waiting for us. So we just, uh, you know,
we had a conversation about you and we're gonna go ahead.
Are you crying? Yeah, we're going to keep you on.
But this Saturday, you need to do a big thing
(40:53):
for us. You need to rub peace Steve, what's going on?
What's going on? What's going on? What's tone? What is happening?
I had to rub you can't smoke it can in
the hallway, Barry said, I could? Berry? Is that true?
Berry said, I can smoke anywhere I was. I was
just telling him that we were having a conversation and
we're waiting for some answers. Uh, Krisher, you come back
(41:19):
in the office. Okay too? Do you want Steven there? Barry?
Let's take a quick vote. Can it be a silent vote?
Can they close their eyes? I don't want them to
see my vote? Fingers? Does Krisher vote? Can vote? Can vote?
But Barry, you're the only one that gets to keep
your eyes open. Okay, and you remember this is for
(41:40):
your to spare your feelings, So do close, rise and
don't be one finger yes, he stays two fingers. No,
I'm sure we're all going to vote for him. Three No,
didn't go well, Steve, I'll be in my car, you
know what. Let's hold off on you getting to the car,
(42:01):
which is a company car. Oh yeah, if we can
hold you as far as for now this, I own
this tie. Why are you pulling out my tie? I
remember buying you that type here for me. Oh look
watch we cut to the Kroger's back in timber Box, Florida.
How did it go? It went well? Yeah, I went
(42:21):
really well. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Um, I had some
of these peas. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I had
some of these peas. And I have pink I in
my throat. Okay, so maybe there's something going on here
as it's been passed around, but my throat has got
pink it. So tell that to my kids and me. Okay, dude,
I talk to Could you fill out of form? Oh yeah,
(42:41):
let me feel out of form. I hope I don't
die while I'm feeling out that form. You said, pink
guy in your throat? In my throat? Oh my? Can
I talk to someone who understands English? Hold on a sec.
You don't deal with this. Yes, I'm I'm the staff
doctor here. Um, you said something about pink on your throat.
I have pink I in my throat. My kids do too.
I think I have that too. Okay, we've not met,
(43:05):
but no we have not seriously, and I think I
got right pink on my front. Now I'm gonna throw
some doctor jarnkon a't your really quick so I know
it me. I'm not trying to condescend, but I can
hold mom, hello, nice, open your mouth and say, ah,
(43:26):
I see what you're talking about. When you get pink
eye in your throat, that's what we call strep throat. Son,
I don't have any of that. It's that's exactly what
it is. I think I have pink eye on my thar.
Thank you very much. I think I know what it is.
I'm a doctor. It looks like there's no way where
a hell. I just jumped into a fiery pit for
(43:49):
the second time in my life and I ended up.
Where is this? What it looks like a goddamn grocery store?
Christian Bachan? Is this you are obviously all demons not damn?
Could you just say one time, I'm Batman. I know
I'm just character right now, I'm playing a different role.
All right, I'm Batman. Good, but I gotta tell you
(44:13):
I feel like this sale so good? Can you say that?
Can you say this? You say I'm Batman, but I'm
at Max, say that I'm Batman by Max. All I'm Batman,
but I'm mad Max. Stop with that. I need to know.
I jumped into this, into this fiery PITP. What's that name?
What's the name of your movie? When you go around
and you got closers coffee does say that? It's coffee closures,
(44:38):
say that coffee for closings. I'm Batman, I'm Max coffees
for closing. O. What's that movie Portman? Do you all
know what's that movie? When? What's that movie? You got
with that movie? What's that there? You going there? I
(45:02):
don't think I'll have a big think, sister. I heard
timber box called a lot of things, but hell, ain't
I just I just what's landa here? What's the name
that mood? To find? And then you run one hill?
What comes out? And said? And then you look at
and you go, I'm not gonna eat all that? And
then this is not a n Can you say you're
(45:23):
closing and that's not not Yeah, I mean, I'm Batman,
I'm Max. Copies are closert that's not a nice No.
I don't want to be not the one to inform
me all, but y'all, hell, what's I never did nothing
to go to hell? I was like, I'm just throwing
timber bo Yeah, you're just a box man. What's the
name that used to it? Never is like bread Ny
(45:44):
Spears by Spears, Brittany ever, I've heard al and everybody
like everybody every day, angel in the dummy, Mr Mr Baile?
Follow me quick? Thank god? Are we? What is alright?
Getting this man's restroom? Close the door? Okay? This is
(46:08):
a special place in hell. Okay, this isn't a place
for someone like you. What are you doing here? I'm
a handsome, I'm talented, you're all of those things. Must
have done something wrong, you know. I think you jumped
into a pit of hell. You just got confusing. Well,
I jumped in because I'm having problems at home. Oh
my god. Here, step into this stall. I'm already in
another stall. Step into this one. I'm going to go
(46:30):
into the next stalk. Hold my hand under here as
a hard angle. It is never my handholding is not important.
That's pretty much. I mean, that's what I said. You
just do it, Just do it, figure pay money anymore?
Is something funny in here? If it's a fast but
(47:01):
these stories, yeah, just tell me how to get out
of here. You're gonna have to break what You're going
to have to pray never Okay, well then we're both dead.
You're telling me. If I pray, we both get out
of here. Yeah, and I go back home to my wife.
Sounds like somebody's thinking about brain. If I pray, what
(47:22):
happens to this whole place? It disappears. I don't know
if I could do that, even though it's how these
people seem to like it. It's just the door we
should do. What was that movie where I get the
movie that? What can I say? Any kind of prayer,
any kind of dear God? Coffees you exist. I'm sorry
(47:42):
for all the thing. Baby, welcome home? M hm, smells good.
Have you been crying? Yeah? Baby, let me get this door?
Jack a tree. Oh, it's Halloween. It's Halloween. Trick chee?
I forgot all about the baby. Do we have any candy?
(48:04):
You have some bread? Is bread fun for you? Chicken? Chee? Trick?
Do a trick? We pick trick? Okay? Um? Oh, look
I can make my feet good jo man, good job
shutting the door there, Baby, I miss you. I wasn't
(48:26):
at work today, I wasn't on set. Where did you go?
I was? I was walking back to my trailer after
a really incredible take. I just did one take, and
I thought, give me one second. Hi, my son just
came over here and you asked him to do a
trick for trick. No, that's not how it is how
it works, trick. No, you give us a trick, you
(48:49):
lend me to give you a trick my son. Don't
look around. You want a trick, well, I want my son. Wait,
let me look up your nose, a baby. And as
I was walking back to my trailer, I got upset
and I saw a pit on fire. One second yeah,
(49:14):
oh chicken tree? Okay, great? And I jumped into this
pit because I was tired of my lafe and I was, frankly,
I was tired of us. I was, I was what was?
Would you jumped into a pit because you're tired of me?
(49:35):
Not of you, of us, of us? Baby? But I'm back.
I'm back. I went to this place, so I'm better
than hell. You get that door, I'll get that door. Okay, yes, yes,
you got a Kenny? No, okay, what do you want, Kelly? No? God?
(49:56):
Do you like bread or cans? Window? Yes? I need
candy center pitches. Wait a second, candy, Wait a second,
it's not Halloween. It's there is no time. Wait, maybe
this is another circle of hell. Babe, are you real?
Baby baby? Oh? Another episode of alchemy that has come
(50:24):
to a beautiful close from the Gatesville. I want to
thank all of our alchemist around the table let start
with Mr James Tenney. James, thank you so much. Tell
the folks a little something about yourself or some how
they might find you elsewhere. Well, I've been doing a
lot of video games, thanks, sorry, just failing the moment
(50:45):
video games, yeah, and game front you can probably find that,
and doing a lot of streaming of that. Yeah, right on,
fantastic venete, thanks for letting us tear you away from Dynasty.
Typewriter one year. One year is coming right out? When
is the celebra? The new season starts in a week
and I guess the official year. We've been opened open
(51:06):
for shows an until January. But this is a year
from when we launched our kickstarting. Congratulations, crazy time. So
come to dynsty type checkout DNA is the type rut
on Instagram. But that's what I'm doing most of the time. Please, yes,
thank you. Uh, let's go with career. Start around the table,
great fan check me out a West Side comedy theater.
Is there another way we can say that? Uh No,
(51:28):
I really cannot, I really cannot. I'm on I'm on
social media. Yeah, but I'm not going to tell you
what you gotta find me comedy comedy Chris Alvarado um
the West Side Comedy Theater, which I love and I
get to perform there with a lot of people, have fun.
And you always come to shows. I do come do
(51:49):
a lot of shows. You guys had the punch cards, right,
we had the punch cards. You're gonna get us stop
one of these days. And I mean, if you want
to see me post once every seventy two days two
and a half months, usually a show promo. Check out
at Chris Alvarado on all social media platforms. Guys, We're
gonna have a good time. I like that very much. Hey,
if you want to reach out and give us some
(52:10):
suggestions for future shows, right to us at your name
here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here
at alchemy this dot com. Please feel free to join
on Instagram and Twitter alchemy this and let us know
what your thoughts are and how we can make your
life just a little bit better by being more insane
than everyone else. You know, right, that's a good goal.
(52:35):
We missed Craig Kakowski terribly today he'll be joining us
a SAP allegedly gainfully employed whatever. Uh Doug Bam in
the booth, let's talk. Get a big shout out to
Doug Baby on sound effects. Britto. We missed Britto so
very very much. He's in New York. He's uh New
York Way And um oh, we can't forget Sophie Lichtman.
(53:00):
I believe that's how you say it, scientifically and literally. Yeah,
genus and species. There you go. And if anybody wants
to start the Instagram account, Um, I'm Batman, I'm mad.
Max Coffee is for closers. That's not a knife. I
would love to see an opportunity or a meme. Make
(53:20):
it happen and we'll make a T shirt. Until next time, Alchemy.
This
Welcome to Alchemy this. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes
that Kevin Pollock? What's that? Thank you? Yes, the marvelous
Mrs Maisiel is the best work I've done in twenty
three years. What's your point? But I digress. Throughout my
long career, I've seen my fair share of true alchemy.
By definition, alchemy is quote when a person creates something
through a seemingly magical process. And my dear she he
(00:26):
in days. Like I said, I've been witnessed to the
stuff on several occasions. An example, you ask, sure, let's
watch the tone though, Yeah, okay, here's one the group
the pretenders never had to not too long ago, when
I did hit me deep in year old cortex. What
if I brought together the right creative peeps and asked
them to make up scenes based on my own twisted,
(00:47):
demented ideas, and then offered a podcast of this seemingly
magical process, and I called it alchemy? Why can't you
get woke like your lesbian aunt? Well, after months of
title tinkering, I'm it's very proud to welcome you to
another episode of Alchemy. This supposed to be supposed to
(01:09):
make a noise. Yeah, yeah, no particular order. Let's welcome
back Vanessa Ragling everybody. Why wasn't the crying game ever
offered as a real game? Oh, because of the tissue
co sponsor didn't work. That's correct. The really tried to
land on but didn't happen. Say hello to Joey Greer
Greer here and get used to it. When will you
(01:32):
marry um? Past past past? Look out? It's James Heeney. Everyone, James,
Can I call you a cooking Kenneth? Oh my god,
I just was like one time where I can be
called James. That's my name, That's what people call me.
All right, Well, then say hello to Chris Alvarado. Chris,
do you even have eleven Bucks? I can just borrow
(01:53):
you know I do? Okay, good, all right, Let's get
to our first saint. Oh, it's so exciting because it's
Halloween time, everybody. When we're recording this, this Halloween and Medford, Oregon,
I think it proves to be a little different. When
ghosts and goblins ring the doorbell of Connie and Carl
(02:14):
me bowl, Where are the rass the little reasons in
the closet? Why are they in the closet. They were
on this dish. I put don't leave the candy out there.
It's gonna give. No, it doesn't go. It's wrapped. We
have to have it on the for the trick trader.
I'm gonna unwrap it. I'm gonna leave it out. If
this is supposed to be used, it's gonna be open period. No,
(02:36):
they don't. They think they'll be razors. Put on, put
on the hat. Put on the wizard hat. Put on
the hat. I'll put on the hat. Put on the hat. Okay,
look at me, look spooky. Oh very good. Okay, Okay,
showtime tricker. True it's Connie. Connie. You just slammed the
(02:57):
door on the kid's face. Connie. Did you see that? Yes?
I did. That was hyper realistic. There was four ft
tall like a child. It was a child into Yes,
they don't make costumes that good, do they? And now
they do? Connie, come out. It's a different time with
YouTube and all that stuff. People can go online. Okay,
(03:18):
I I hope it's a little girl unwrapped. Those kids
bindered unwrapping. I'm not hello trig or treat Do I
say that or either the same one. I'm working God
damn it. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I slammed the door
because I was puffed out of nowhere. Okay, we're gonna
have to kill it. We're gonna have to kill that thing. Okay, okay,
(03:43):
way hold a second. It could just be a kid. Okay,
I'm gonna answer it. You get the baseball bat with
the nails in it, the Walking Dead one? Okay, okay, hello,
one opening from a trick? Connie, Where is it? I'm
coming in? Is it in the closets, in the closet,
(04:03):
the upstairs one, behind the thing upstairs? Connie, stay there.
We have a problem. Yeah, we do, Connie, Why are
you moving myself? Carl the creature once invitam? I can't.
I'm sir, I'm sorry, I'm a I'm sorry, but right
now we're fully booked, so let me see if I
can help. Did my daughter give you guys a spoke?
(04:25):
We kind of rehearsed us at home. Get out of here.
Ho ho, I took a lot out of me. What's
going on? Officer, sir? Officer, Conny, it's a pleasure to
(04:56):
meet you. Halloween. Carliebel with the with the car dealership.
Oh hey, I bought a I bought a dodge Ram
from you, Patros Yeah, I'm gonna see you as well. Well,
this is a nice place, Thank you, thank you. Oh
should I just stepped in? What is this? What's going on?
The demon? Oh? It was we thought it. I mean,
(05:21):
in our defense, we certainly thought it was a demon.
You don't take the place that's are you having that
bad place? You're going to finish it off? Yeah? I
want to make sure this thing is dead, completely dead, sir?
Are you the father of this? Yeah? I deal with
(05:43):
this a lot every year. You got you gotta kill
you gotta kill the parent demon as well. Oh my gosh,
for everybody the snickers. Yeah, I mean, I'm not really
dressed up. I don't know that's appropriate. You're dressed up
as a cup. I was wondering about the gas manage
of my ram while I'm here. You it was gonna
be thirty five miles per gallon I'm getting about. That's
(06:03):
probably how you're driving it. Oh yeah, yeah that's me.
So guys, I don't want to be bummer. Um, you know,
I don't want to be a bummer, but we got
something pretty sad on the stoop and it's only you know,
we're gonna have a whole how I'm very sorry, Mrs Maebele,
(06:24):
Mrs Meebele. I will make sure people come here clean
this up, and you can just carry on with your
with your treating. And I'm sure I misunderstanding, but it
feels like we lost two human lives. You are misunderstanding.
You are misunderstanding. We just lost two demons. They're all
over organ That much was dem too. Yeah, you really
looked like a parent. That's how they get your shape shifters. Yeah,
(06:46):
oh get you. You know cars, you know, Dad, I'm
going up two dead bodies in the front. Really, that's
lame as ship, honey. It's in a decoration, all right.
I won't tow too many eggs in the neighborhoods. So yeah,
actually you can't make a good point. I was gonna
have these cleared up. Might as well leave him. Here's
the decoration I was just trying to cover from. I
think that I have a nice day, Thank you, thank you.
(07:09):
We can put some candles on their, Connie, we can
make it look nice. Carl Carls, I can't. You got this, baby,
you got it's your favorite holiday? Yeah, it was really
we smash those things. Okay, trick or treat, treat treat
(07:30):
you're supposed to hand. Would you like the unwrapped treess
or the wrapped trees? No? Please sealed and wrapped and
safe for me to eat. I'm not going to say
I told you so to my husband, but I didn't
tell them. Just here you go to for you, big boy?
What are you supposed to be? I'm a businessman. Very convincing,
(07:54):
thank you. Yeah, he's cute other door. Uh but do
we say that or not? I don't think we do,
but I think it's fun the way you're throwing him off. Guy,
I'm a wizard. Can I grant you a wish? You
have three wishes? This is my black cat the Wizards? Okay,
(08:17):
well no, well that sounds like a cat to me.
We have to take those impropt classes again. I think
we paid. They were helping everything, They were helping us communicate,
they were making us funnier. There were I'm not going
to go through another and we quit on level two.
Was like enough, excuse me, excuse me? Part of me.
I turned thirteen tomorrow, so this is like my last
(08:38):
official Halloween. Oh my god. Yeah, I'm a little bummed
about it because like, after tomorrow, I'm a man, and
then that means I need to be I don't know
what that means. Guys not Jewish, But then how's he
a man if he's the only man that can turn
into men at thirteen or Jewish? I'm having sex tomorrow
for the first time. It doesn't make you a man, honey,
my dad says it does. It doesn't make you a
(09:00):
man unless you know how to handle what comes afterwards. Okay,
there's emotional Can you help me with that? You proposition
to my wife for sex, No, for what comes after,
for the emotional support, that's correct. I don't know. I am.
I have my own young son, and I'm look, I'm
really pumped because, like I love Halloween and this is
my last year. Well, okay, we give you some candy.
(09:23):
You're not wearing a cos you just gotta came up
in like gym shorts, T shirt. Well, yeah, I have
a hoodie wrapped around my waist. That's got to be something.
I mean, is it like an animal hooking? Whose child?
Are you? Yeah? Um? At his house later that night.
Let me see how you did tonight? Good? What do
you got wrap Snickers? What is that? Yeah? Unwrapped snickers?
(09:47):
What the hell is on? Rent? Rent? The mebles? And
also Dad every time. I don't want to argue with
you or anything, but you said that. Um, when I
turn thirteen, on becoming a man, if you have sex,
you do yeah, yeah, no I know. Yeah, but Mr
is gonna have sex? Yes, sir, then you'll be a man,
Yes sir. That means you get a job, yes sir?
All right, yes, maybe go off the war. Yes, these
(10:09):
are the things that happened. I couldn't help. But over
here there you're gonna be a man. So yeah, yeah,
ain't going to a man? Can't you believe that's our
little guy's gonna be a man? I can believe it.
He's thirteen. Look at him strapping. Not all of us
did what you did. Not all of us are going
to kill a man more thirteen years old. Just because
(10:30):
you do doesn't doesn't mean we all are. You're right,
not everybody I am to have sex. What's the difference?
What not? Every man goes through the same ritual. You understand, Well,
what I need from you is either sex, killed or
go off the war. Okay. I think I'm also fla. Well,
they'll turn it intom like in love with a moscow.
(10:51):
That's support. I'm fine with that too. That's the part
I don't know about. Mrs Meeble says, I need to
have some kind of emotional connection. Is Mabel Mabel on
an input on my boy sex? Laugh? Now that's kind
of real. So she was wearing a low cut top
and Mr Maeble, I think we need to have a
conversation with I'll stay here. You're coming with it, okay,
(11:13):
I mean that's getting the super first. Well, you guys going, huh,
we're going to the mables. You have to push that in.
I don't know that is we typed in the address?
How tough at this big? Wow? Okay, it's gonna be
one of those rights. Huh yeah, four point nine one
make it think a little whole route? Is that ponytail real?
Or is that for Halloween? On that? All right? That's right,
(11:38):
it's not real. It's not real. A lot of people
don't catch that. A lot of people don't catch that.
My family. Excuse me, sir, a man yet? Have you
ever had sex? Have you ever had sex before him?
I had sex? I'm a man. I got a job.
Have you have you ever killed someone? My dad has?
Of course? I have you? Have you ever gone a war? Yeah?
Of course dad. Is this a man? That's a man?
(12:01):
That wolf's lock of my own? Honest slack? Let me
say so. Let me say how much of a man
I am? I don't read, I don't write, I don't
talk about my feelings. Oh man, can I ask you
a question? That driver? You get? All right? Question number three? Bad?
Who's this other guy in the car there? Yeah, we
didn't sign up for a share. I not a parole officer.
(12:24):
Pretend like I'm not even here. Oh, you're just verifying
that he's got a jeb and he does? Okay? Is
that a real gun? It's a real gun. Shot add
to the list. Take a bullet. You all are paid
(12:46):
for this, all right? You gotta pay well. Gosh, I
don't know. Is your parole officer that did the shooting?
I did not do the shooting. Somebody to pull the trigger.
It was in my pocket, you know what. We're just
at the Mabel's knock. Can he dropt? Hush? I'll walk
it off. Such a bummer? Really was? That's all We're
gonna charge my phone? Hold on, let me get that
(13:09):
guy one start all right, Uh, I don't want to answer, baby,
I promise you it's not going to be another ghoul.
How don't we go over those last night? What if
they're still here? Demons exist inside of us, but we
got to take care of those demons ourselves. Listen to
(13:30):
what I'm saying. Don't just repeat it. This is the
improv training. Okay, just listen. Listen and yes, listen and yes.
Let me get the door. Hello, Oh my god, Hi,
Mr and Mrs Me do you okay? Get inside? To
(13:51):
get inside? It's my mom, Oh my god to me
you okay, Yeah, is my mom there? She is? Hello,
It's okay, calm nice back door? You get what do
you want? What did you say to my boy? Mrs
(14:13):
said it? I've never seen it? Hi, remember I do? Remember? Yeah?
Thirteen years old? Oh I overstepped. That's just talking to
the mob. Boy, I got to be a man, I
was saying. I was just saying. Sex is a big decision,
and um, you know there's a lot of that. You
(14:33):
want to just do it, Just kill Connie if you
want to do it, just kill Captain Coward. Here's what
we'd like give my kids right, he's trying. Demands Number four,
give the kid candy next year and shut the hell
up about his sex life. Number five through seventh, we
will like you to relocate your kitchen aland to my kitchen.
(14:54):
I love that kitchen island. Number me. What do you need?
I need to have sex with Mrs Mabel? That seems reasonable.
Excuse the blood, Mrs Mabel, excuse them. Carl. You could
say no, oh you are offered. Well you're thirteen. I can't.
(15:15):
I wish I could. That's right. What are you doing?
Tell me? It's tatutory. What's the matter with you? You
got a daughter? You two just like a little pig
or what a daughter like a little pig? Or a pig?
Or a pig? We're giving the options. We don't have
a pig right now. I love them in very smart.
(15:35):
You got a boy and we haven't seen him, okay,
since I've got a deal for him. On the eve
of your eighteenth birthday, like this is going Connie coming,
Why are you taking your robe off? I'm just letting
you know what you have. But you know, imagine this
six years later. I don't know how it's gonna hold.
(15:57):
But on the eve of have your eight eat gig.
Come to the meat. She's walking upstairs. It's really like
four and a half years. Yeah, right right. I don't
know what all right, Mr mean, but I guess i'll
see you in four and a half years or so. Okay, okay,
what did you say? That's what I know about the pig.
(16:18):
I do not have a pig. They're very smart. Okay.
They're cleaners on the cat? What cleaners on the cat?
I don't know that your cat, but you clean my cat? No? No,
I don't claim cats. They clean themselves. Cats cleaning themselves.
That's two pigs. I'm saying. The pigs alright, sudden like
(16:41):
cleaner cat. I don't know that. People love cast people
on my peg? What is that? I don't know. They're
flesh romhind Us. Too much of our pigs are cats? Pigs?
I don't know. For I don't have fart have flesh
underneath their for Come there, man, Oh my god, it
lucky dude. Mom? What's going over there? Tom? What's over
(17:01):
on the wall? Never mind what you're hear? What kind
of paint do you think the pool? It seems to
be lodged in my phone? Good? Yeah? Is that the
Georgia O'Keefe it is. I'm smart. Yeah, okay, I'm done here.
Thanks go okay, should we call the uber? Let's do that,
(17:26):
And now we take you to a news story, one
that I found most interesting and wanted to see what
it looked like alive. The headline for the story simply read,
Satan ruled out as experts puzzle over mysterious flaming pit
in Arkansas. Do me a favor and look down into
this pit. What are we looking for? I looking for
(17:49):
the bottom right, Well, it seems to be a lot
of fire. I mean that's not natural. I believe loss.
Not down in a pit. Down in the pits usually darker,
colder earth, unless you get to the magma. But nobody's
ever done that before. Why do we have representatives from
the National park here? This is a state park, not
a National park. Quarantine. This area is quarantine. Let's go
(18:13):
over what we do and don't know thus far. All
we really know is that Satan has been ruled out.
Who did that? Who ruled out Satan? I ruled out Satan?
What we're findings, Well, we checked his thing and he
was airtight, alibi his whereabouts you y'all spoke to Satan himself.
We didn't speak to him himself, no, but we have
(18:35):
ways a representative receptionist. Well, God damn, look who it
is sorry to just barge in here. Oh yeah, if
it ain't the man with the cowboy boots, that's right,
sent by the Vatican himself. Listen, this is a this
is a state park, and you are definitely not supposed
to be in here. We've got this under control. I
think you do. Heard you said Satan ruled it out. No, no,
(18:58):
I was saying I rolled out, Say oh you did. Huh.
I'm not so ready to rule out Satan. You shouldn't
because he ain't ready to rule you out. Are you doing?
Arkansas representative of the Vatican. That's right. I'm the Vicar
of the Church through the Vicar of Arkansas. Because that's
in Italy and you sound pretty local, that's right now
speak of God. Damn. Look Italian and talent thing to
(19:18):
use that terminology as well, working for the Vatican. So
my guesses is that has to be supernatural, because otherwise
fire can't burn at the bottom of where the flame
coming from. I mean, that's where the flames coming from.
It's on fire down there. Yeah, I was thinking if
perhaps um it wasn't Satan, perhaps it was someone Satan
(19:39):
knows somebody something Dan the guys in my office, State
Park office. Sorry, I don't want to step on National
Park toes here, but we this thing has been burning
for four days, right, we can't. We've thrown things down
there as a way to see what's down there. It
doesn't come back up, so you know, it's not a
(19:59):
bouncy bouncing down there. It seems that the flame engulfs them.
We we threw some noisemakers down there, you know, turned
on a boom box and the music we don't. We
can't tell if it stops or if it keeps going
because you can't hear it anymore. But not over the flame.
About the flame, and I think I think that's how
dub step was. We could do that. Uh, look, I'm
(20:22):
gonna throw this out there. I want to step by
anybody's toes now, nobody wants to step on anyone's toes.
And what was your name? Steve? Rebecca? Rebecca great, nice hands? Okay, alright, alright, listen,
I'm done talking to you because I'm gonna jump into that.
Oh God, Oh goddamn, I knew it all right. I
(20:43):
thought we'd just hit it home. Oh my gosh, Like
was this always something? It is? Something like this happens
to me. You have evil inside of you? Maybe I do. Hello,
what the hell? Welcome? Wait? Wait? This is hey? If
(21:05):
this is Hell, then I got a couple of questions
for Satan? Alright again? Can I speak to Satan? What
can I do for you? He's not Satan, he's working
with you. Answers? Okay, what are your questions? Well? First
of all, why is this fire even roaring? Who started it?
(21:25):
And what's the purpose? Get off my ankles? Can you
get off my ankles? You little some bitch? Not need
some answers? This fire here? There's a one way portal.
The hell? What else did you expect to have? That's
why you're here? Okay, all right, I follow you, So
explain to me what the purpose is? Are you looking
for more recruits? Is Hell getting a thin down here
(21:46):
with population? Wise, you don't have to answer that. Her
here's not good now him, I can jump right out
of this thing whenever a day montone Troy well to,
That's what I'm telling you right now. What was your name? Again, Rebecca, Rebecca.
(22:10):
When I was down there in the pit of Hell.
It is hell, by the way, it's a portal, two
things crossed my mind. One Statan was a liar, he
probably create this in Two I went thought of your eyes.
I thought of you. Why did you jump in the
fire pit right when we had a moment? Because I'm
a man of action, Rebecca, I don't want to sit
around bureaucratic red tape whatever that even that statement even
(22:34):
means I don't want it. I jumped in. Wait. Are
you national parks, Yes, ma'am, State parks. This could never work, Rebecca.
Look at me. You see this badge, I'm throwing it
into the pit of hell. Rebecca. You see this belt
taking it off? What the hell are you doing, Recca, Rebecca.
(22:54):
You see these floor shams, shoose They're going into the
pit of hell. Okay, I stand here. I stand here
before you were like a man who has been to
hell and back. Literally write that down, because that's pretty
that's I'm here to tell you that you're the one
for me, boss? Is that Okay? If I take a
fifteen minute extra long lunches this afternoon, I gotta be honest.
(23:16):
I honestly, would really like to wrap this up. And
I did say I said that I didn't think it
was satan, and I'd really like to be able to
say I told you. So. Let's jump ahead three years.
These two are at couples therapy. We've got two therapists
for the price of one. I'm not comfortable crying, and
she always wants me to cry. One should have cried.
(23:38):
I don't choose my words. I don't want you to cry.
It seems like you're always asking. I want to know
that you're capable of crying. Yeah. Sure, every man is
keep bull of crying, ain't there right there? Yeah, okay,
your time starts now. And uh, let's kind of go
into that. I think that's very interesting. Steve wasn't Steve?
That's right? And uh, yeah, you know, leave with Steve.
(24:00):
That's great. Well, I'm just leading with what's most vulnerable
at the moment. Oh is that Steve that's vulnerable? Yeah,
that's for Rebecca. This is me vulnerable. And these doctors
can see. It's a technically therapist. I'm not I'm not
a full fledged doctor yet, but I'm you know, you're
not a shadowing. I'm shadowing No, it's painfully clear you're
(24:23):
not a real doctor. But thanks for clearing that up. Well,
it's not that I'm I'm shadowing. What's your janis? Yeah,
Jannis hear me out. Is Rebecca mad at me? Or
is Rebecca mad at herself? That's a question I could
answer that. You would want to answer that Rebecca. Actually,
(24:44):
actually I would like to get an opportunity to answer
this for her. Thank you. I'm looking at just go
with it. I mean, I think Rebecca and you are
both just really mad at yourselves. I disagree out my hand.
Oh that's a nice knee. Okay's happen? Can have any contact?
(25:08):
May I just give you a little context. We met
when my husband literally went from hell and back. Okay,
that's part of our meat cute. We wrote the book,
but that wasn't reality. Now my life is a living hell. Okay, Okay,
I think that was reality. That did happen, but it
wasn't and I couldn't know him as a person. Oh,
(25:30):
he's not a doctor anything doctor. To be fair, I
am also shadowing. No, Now doctors, do you want need
to go into the fact again that I pleat probably
read the book. You probably read the book press of
the movie Christian Bale play a great me. Now do
I need to remind y'all that I jumped into hell
(25:52):
came out and proposted this woman. We don't need a
reminder that because I loved that. That's my favorite part. Now,
you would think that that would let me out the
hook with certain duties around the house. I would disagree
that you would think that maybe the dish wash your
empty itself. If I've been to Hellenback, just saying well,
in my opinion, professional opinion as a shadower, I feel
(26:14):
that the past is the past. In moving forward, you
have to find an equal footing for each doesn't mean anything,
it does. It means that just because you went to
Helen Back doesn't mean the rest of your life you're connecting.
I like that. I got a serious question for you. Yes,
are you wearing a State Lauder? What estate Lauder perfume?
I mean it's a knockoff bramp. Yeah, sure it's Estate Lauder,
(26:40):
but it's the target version. And Steve, you don't even
know what you're talking all right, you know an umbrella.
I think we're getting a little topic here. I think
we're I think we're we are we're diffusing. If we
remember using that word last time, if we remember also
the word please don't touch my knee, if we also
remember some of the other words of a missed connection
with the remember that I do feel like I had
(27:02):
a missed connection with Steve. Now that this is not
about you, j okay, oh no, no, no, thank you
guys for letting me take that break. I help doctor
to shadow. That's a doctor. See okay, on, I can
trust you, and I look at Rebecca's eyes just light
right up. Steve, I'm gonna need you to take a
time out. Rebecca, give me a couple of things that
(27:24):
have driven you to your need to come here today. Well, um,
Steve is the only thing that is, you know, literally
causing me to come here today. So that why would
just say, Steve one thing easy, pointing, less fingers, being
more specific? Okay, the way that Steve doesn't meet my needs? Okay,
which needs in Um, Steve does not cry on command,
(27:48):
and I'm not asking him too, but it wouldn't hurt
if he sometimes did. I put I make very obvious
invitations where we could weep together, and I met with nothing.
I met with nothing. Thing the way Steve doesn't empty
the dishwasher. Can I just get an example of an
obvious invitation to weep together? Sure, he's out at the office.
(28:09):
I'm at my office. Okay, we both are. We both
worked for the park system. And yeah, I was gonna say,
he loves to hold it over my head. But you
beat me to it, didn't you, Steve. But he's good
at he's very good at. He's national your state. I'm stage.
So you're in your office. You call him. I say,
let's meet at the house tonight. I'm feeling upset, feeling emotional. Yes,
(28:30):
I use the word upset so he knows. And then
I beat him home. I turn off the light. Interesting
choice of words. Beat Yes, thank you, doctor. I'm not
taking sides. Shoes everywhere in a heart shape on the floor, tissues.
It's a great I sit in the middle. I put
(28:52):
on what's his name. It's not it's not a man,
it's a it's a woman. Her name is Tracy Chatman
because she sounds like man. That's a man. They've got
the fast car. I put that on. I sit in
the middle of a heart shaped, rude, little ring of tissues.
I don't know if you can go out a ring.
If it's a hard I'm sorry, Steve, don't eviscerate me.
(29:13):
We cut to the therapist waiting room. Do you know
you know when the doctors is going to have time
for me today? Your appointment? Well, don't have an appointment.
I want to know if he's gonna have time for
me today. Okay, I'll wait, I can wait, Sure, you
can wait. Yeah, so I can come on my cancel. Okay, uh,
next place? Yes, hey ah, if you're looking for a
doctor to give you smith vice, I could help you.
(29:36):
I mean, i'd I'd like to say a professional. I'm professional. Then, yes,
I'm freelance I'm not allowed to work in this lobby though. Okay,
I follow me. Okay, yeah, is anybody in the restroom?
No Ah, I got to go to a different resort.
They said no, they said no, they're in there. I
could hear them and they said no, it's fine. Trust me.
I do this a lot. This isn't my first gig. Okay,
(29:57):
follow me. What's going to the men's knock? Knock? Anybody
in there? All right? Come inside? Getting this doll. Okay,
I'm gonna sit in the next doll. It's gonna be
me okay, all right, what's your problem? Um? This is
just kind of hard to say. Um, but hold on
(30:19):
a second. I'm going to start a time or now
all right, if anybody comes in, I'll pause the timer,
I swear, But you can't talk to me while there's
somebody else in here. Okay, that's kind of uh, it's
not I don't rent this space. Okay, go makes starting
the timer. That makes sense. I'm starting the timer. I
had this recurring fear because of that fire pit that's
(30:42):
opened up in Arkansas, that Hell is taking over and
that I gotta stop you. It was it was written
that the Satan ruled out on that. It has nothing
to do with what did you see the book? Do
you see the movie with Christian Bale. That's a fictional movie.
I'm sorry, go on, go on. Okay, Well that's sad.
So anyway, Johnny, I say, you know you're gonna go
use a stall or yeah? Yea, So I said, listen,
(31:04):
why do you got to be such a bit all
the time? She smacked me in the face. Well back right, man,
I didn't, and I feel like I should have. I
feel like you should have. Yeah, by the way, you
got that forty on me. I do okay, good, good, good,
good good. All right, it's all. I've all. I'm all done.
(31:29):
I will see you outside. Anyone need to wipe? I think?
And selling whites? How much? Just the one? It's a
small pack. Okay, it has three wet wipes. Keith, I
think you were talking about getting one of them. No, yeah,
(31:51):
I wasn't. You shouldn't be talking like that because you
want me for too goddamn dollars. Let me get to
and you can buy some wait wait, wait, look at
those feet under that stuff. But okay, oh shit, just
to me, I'm doing a therapy session. No alwa's I'm
just I've got to clean my hands. Mr Tremont, what
(32:12):
do you rent this space? We've had this discussion so
many times. Mr Tremont. It's a public restroom, and I
had to use the restroom. You're using it as a
private You are who people that know each other have
shut the doors in the stalls. It's becomes a private restroom. Well,
I'm going to talk to the building manager very well. Stop.
(32:34):
You said you had a problem earlier. I did, and
I hate to abuse my connection to your so know
that I really really thought about this Mr tremonth back. Oh,
come on in. Another guy in the next another guy
in the next door. Confession. This time I couldn't. I didn't.
(32:56):
I was offering another man of wipe, and I saw
the feet and I knew those shoes, the trees. Well,
I appreciate you bringing this to my attention, Betty. Um,
let's see your due for a raise. Oh, I didn't
mean to drop that. That's weird. I were coming the
same day. But let's talk about it. Here's how I
(33:16):
like to work to raise community. Anything you say, you
tell me what you're looking for, and I tell you
how that works for me. I'd like to make four
million dollars a year. Give me another number. I would
like to make three million dollars. Mm hmm, if it
(33:37):
weren't a number followed by the word million. Okay, okay, Oh,
I would like to make for a year. You were
talking a quarter a quarter? Good, Betty, very good. Let
me see here, I have a fifteen hundred dollar a week. Okay,
(33:58):
that's wonderful, all right, beautiful. In Virginia, there's a grocery
shopper who was accused of rubbing produce on his buttocks
and then putting it back on the show. It's all
in a day's work for the manager at the Kroger's
and Timber Box, Florida, Mr Tim Kreischer. I promise you
(34:25):
what that camera angle that shows that it's just it's
it's trick photography, basically trick photography. I mean, why would
I put frozen peace on my buttocks? I don't got
another angle if you want to look at shea. We
got some good technology at kroger Here we go. Come on.
I mean, that's clearly you rubbing it around the whole.
(34:46):
You know, listen, there's nothing illegal about it. There's plastic
around the frozen piece, and I've got heaven snow plastic
around the frozen pieces, plastic in the bag. Yeah, that's
I'm talking about. I'm not opening I'm not putting the
piece in my buttocks. Can you play the video where
he puts a pieces? Play the video let me kiss
and go wrong? Okay, Well that one, I mean, that's
(35:07):
just all loose cucumbers, and that's some tomatoes. Here's the one.
Here's the real incriminating one. Well, I mean yeah, but
i mean I'm sure if you follow that tape and
watch me to the REGI I purchased those pieas. I
can do whatever I want with those ones. You've purchased
one bag of peas that was unopened. The open bag
of peas you sealed what looks like Scott's tape and
your own spit. Oh, I guess, I guess I must
(35:28):
have mistakenly swapped him. I thought that I was I
thought that. I mean, I thought I was buying the
ones that I opened. How about I'll pay for the
I'll pay the dollar seventy high for those piece. You
will pay that I'm gonna have to. You're kicked off
the property. We here would love to make you a
general manager. Hell, we'd love to make you a regional manager,
(35:50):
but we can't move forward when you keep having customers
rubbing products on there. I'm gonna say it. Don't say it,
don't do on private privates. Thank you, Thank you. What
I got to say. The board is waiting. The board's
very angry. But also also we can work with you again.
(36:12):
We like a lot of the things you doing. You
do great, and a lot of other other other other aspects.
The timber Box locations one of our favorites in the
state of Florida. It's almost a flagship store. You're an
artist flagship. We'd like it to be the flagship. What
are you gonna say, the kroger produce. It's just it's
just asking for people to put it here. I don't
(36:35):
even know what that means. It's not gonna fly. Do
you do you want to work on a goddamn out
all these no? Huh? Do you look at me? Do
not throw all these under the bus. They're German, I'm not.
I'm only doing Americans, are they? Though? I think they
want to be German. I think they were one. I
don't think Germany. The point is, if you're not a
kroger Man, then you're not a god damn kroger Man.
I am a kroger Man. One of the first seven
(36:56):
rules of band of kroger Man. Number one, always be
dressed for the job. Number to show up on time
and show up with a smile. Number three, where your shoes,
no hats. Number four. If you don't have change, don't worry.
The box does. Boom Number five Everyone on shift is
the same. Boom. Number six. If you ever come in late,
just don't show up at all. And number seven breathe
slow down, then get back in that store and fix
(37:18):
this goddamn problem. Stepped outside just for a second, if
you wouldn't mind, We're going to confers. I was going
to have a smoke break. But should I stay inside?
Are you guys going? Who's invited? You? Do you want
me to stay? Or I'll stay? Yeah? You stay and
I'll stay with him? Should I? Should I leave? Sema,
you can smoke in the office. Why don't you just
wait outside here to do this? We'll have you right
(37:40):
back in, So I would just wait here? Well, I
mean outside, I mean it's smoking. Does look cool inside?
People never do it anymore? Watch a French in hill
some of Let me get a hit off the whoa whoa.
Look at this guy. Good, looks cool, looks really cool. Alright, alright,
(38:03):
what are we gonna do to blow a smoke ring?
But now I've gotta be honest. He knew all seven
points like that. He seemed to have memorized the first seven.
I was going to say the first twelve. Should we
hit him for more? I'm sure he knows him. I
don't know if you guys noticed. Yeah, but there are
tattoos showing beyond his neck and maybe it's the angle.
(38:24):
Baby we are not allowed to care. Yeah, she's got
a point. We're not allowed to not allowed to care
about tattoos. No, not in this day and a look,
Mr Kreisher is a good captain of a ship. The
problem is there is one tiny pinhole in that ship
that will eventually sink this shift. What do you see
(38:44):
as the pinhole? You guys? Nicotine is so good, it's underrated.
Do we sell this as a drug? I got it?
What do you got, Steve? We do a big thing,
a Saturday thing Saturday, Saturday afternoon when the families are out.
(39:05):
Mr Kraisher rub the products on his butt. I don't
know fall and he says he you know, he said
something to the effect of, uh, I stoop as low
as our lowest customer, and and something to that, you know,
are relatable. I think that's very bad. That question. One
(39:26):
of the things that got you in the room. Steve
is remaining outside the box today. Maybe we bring you
back in a little into the box. Maybe he should
wait outside for a moment while we talk and I
can keep smoking. Did he not leave? No? No, you
this is embarrassing. Just for a moment. It will be
probably a very short conversation. Hey, gang, I've got an idea, Steve,
(39:48):
are you enter you out make a decision? Standing in
the doorway is unattractive. Alright, I'll leave then, so much
get another head. Sure I got enough for everyone if
we can do this. We're doing what I think I mean.
Forgive me if I'm wrong. We should fire him. And
(40:10):
it's rubbing the produce on his I just thought it
was a customer. It's a customer. It's just it's just
a customer. I thought it was an employee. Now I
understand why we're the way. I understand my way we're doing.
So the question was how much was our manager going
to responsible involved should be help? Well, I sure as
hell don't think he should start rubbing things on his body.
(40:32):
That I remember that I stand up for Steven. Just
remind you one of the reasons we like him is
that he thinks that he missed fired on this one. Sure,
thanks for waiting for us. So we just, uh, you know,
we had a conversation about you and we're gonna go ahead.
Are you crying? Yeah, we're going to keep you on.
But this Saturday, you need to do a big thing
(40:53):
for us. You need to rub peace Steve, what's going on?
What's going on? What's going on? What's tone? What is happening?
I had to rub you can't smoke it can in
the hallway, Barry said, I could? Berry? Is that true?
Berry said, I can smoke anywhere I was. I was
just telling him that we were having a conversation and
we're waiting for some answers. Uh, Krisher, you come back
(41:19):
in the office. Okay too? Do you want Steven there? Barry?
Let's take a quick vote. Can it be a silent vote?
Can they close their eyes? I don't want them to
see my vote? Fingers? Does Krisher vote? Can vote? Can vote?
But Barry, you're the only one that gets to keep
your eyes open. Okay, and you remember this is for
(41:40):
your to spare your feelings, So do close, rise and
don't be one finger yes, he stays two fingers. No,
I'm sure we're all going to vote for him. Three No,
didn't go well, Steve, I'll be in my car, you
know what. Let's hold off on you getting to the car,
(42:01):
which is a company car. Oh yeah, if we can
hold you as far as for now this, I own
this tie. Why are you pulling out my tie? I
remember buying you that type here for me. Oh look
watch we cut to the Kroger's back in timber Box, Florida.
How did it go? It went well? Yeah, I went
(42:21):
really well. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Um, I had some
of these peas. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I had
some of these peas. And I have pink I in
my throat. Okay, so maybe there's something going on here
as it's been passed around, but my throat has got
pink it. So tell that to my kids and me. Okay, dude,
I talk to Could you fill out of form? Oh yeah,
(42:41):
let me feel out of form. I hope I don't
die while I'm feeling out that form. You said, pink
guy in your throat? In my throat? Oh my? Can
I talk to someone who understands English? Hold on a sec.
You don't deal with this. Yes, I'm I'm the staff
doctor here. Um, you said something about pink on your throat.
I have pink I in my throat. My kids do too.
I think I have that too. Okay, we've not met,
(43:05):
but no we have not seriously, and I think I
got right pink on my front. Now I'm gonna throw
some doctor jarnkon a't your really quick so I know
it me. I'm not trying to condescend, but I can
hold mom, hello, nice, open your mouth and say, ah,
(43:26):
I see what you're talking about. When you get pink
eye in your throat, that's what we call strep throat. Son,
I don't have any of that. It's that's exactly what
it is. I think I have pink eye on my thar.
Thank you very much. I think I know what it is.
I'm a doctor. It looks like there's no way where
a hell. I just jumped into a fiery pit for
(43:49):
the second time in my life and I ended up.
Where is this? What it looks like a goddamn grocery store?
Christian Bachan? Is this you are obviously all demons not damn?
Could you just say one time, I'm Batman. I know
I'm just character right now, I'm playing a different role.
All right, I'm Batman. Good, but I gotta tell you
(44:13):
I feel like this sale so good? Can you say that?
Can you say this? You say I'm Batman, but I'm
at Max, say that I'm Batman by Max. All I'm Batman,
but I'm mad Max. Stop with that. I need to know.
I jumped into this, into this fiery PITP. What's that name?
What's the name of your movie? When you go around
and you got closers coffee does say that? It's coffee closures,
(44:38):
say that coffee for closings. I'm Batman, I'm Max coffees
for closing. O. What's that movie Portman? Do you all
know what's that movie? When? What's that movie? You got
with that movie? What's that there? You going there? I
(45:02):
don't think I'll have a big think, sister. I heard
timber box called a lot of things, but hell, ain't
I just I just what's landa here? What's the name
that mood? To find? And then you run one hill?
What comes out? And said? And then you look at
and you go, I'm not gonna eat all that? And
then this is not a n Can you say you're
(45:23):
closing and that's not not Yeah, I mean, I'm Batman,
I'm Max. Copies are closert that's not a nice No.
I don't want to be not the one to inform
me all, but y'all, hell, what's I never did nothing
to go to hell? I was like, I'm just throwing
timber bo Yeah, you're just a box man. What's the
name that used to it? Never is like bread Ny
(45:44):
Spears by Spears, Brittany ever, I've heard al and everybody
like everybody every day, angel in the dummy, Mr Mr Baile?
Follow me quick? Thank god? Are we? What is alright?
Getting this man's restroom? Close the door? Okay? This is
(46:08):
a special place in hell. Okay, this isn't a place
for someone like you. What are you doing here? I'm
a handsome, I'm talented, you're all of those things. Must
have done something wrong, you know. I think you jumped
into a pit of hell. You just got confusing. Well,
I jumped in because I'm having problems at home. Oh
my god. Here, step into this stall. I'm already in
another stall. Step into this one. I'm going to go
(46:30):
into the next stalk. Hold my hand under here as
a hard angle. It is never my handholding is not important.
That's pretty much. I mean, that's what I said. You
just do it, Just do it, figure pay money anymore?
Is something funny in here? If it's a fast but
(47:01):
these stories, yeah, just tell me how to get out
of here. You're gonna have to break what You're going
to have to pray never Okay, well then we're both dead.
You're telling me. If I pray, we both get out
of here. Yeah, and I go back home to my wife.
Sounds like somebody's thinking about brain. If I pray, what
(47:22):
happens to this whole place? It disappears. I don't know
if I could do that, even though it's how these
people seem to like it. It's just the door we
should do. What was that movie where I get the
movie that? What can I say? Any kind of prayer,
any kind of dear God? Coffees you exist. I'm sorry
(47:42):
for all the thing. Baby, welcome home? M hm, smells good.
Have you been crying? Yeah? Baby, let me get this door?
Jack a tree. Oh, it's Halloween. It's Halloween. Trick chee?
I forgot all about the baby. Do we have any candy?
(48:04):
You have some bread? Is bread fun for you? Chicken? Chee? Trick?
Do a trick? We pick trick? Okay? Um? Oh, look
I can make my feet good jo man, good job
shutting the door there, Baby, I miss you. I wasn't
(48:26):
at work today, I wasn't on set. Where did you go?
I was? I was walking back to my trailer after
a really incredible take. I just did one take, and
I thought, give me one second. Hi, my son just
came over here and you asked him to do a
trick for trick. No, that's not how it is how
it works, trick. No, you give us a trick, you
(48:49):
lend me to give you a trick my son. Don't
look around. You want a trick, well, I want my son. Wait,
let me look up your nose, a baby. And as
I was walking back to my trailer, I got upset
and I saw a pit on fire. One second yeah,
(49:14):
oh chicken tree? Okay, great? And I jumped into this
pit because I was tired of my lafe and I was, frankly,
I was tired of us. I was, I was what was?
Would you jumped into a pit because you're tired of me?
(49:35):
Not of you, of us, of us? Baby? But I'm back.
I'm back. I went to this place, so I'm better
than hell. You get that door, I'll get that door. Okay, yes, yes,
you got a Kenny? No, okay, what do you want, Kelly? No? God?
(49:56):
Do you like bread or cans? Window? Yes? I need
candy center pitches. Wait a second, candy, Wait a second,
it's not Halloween. It's there is no time. Wait, maybe
this is another circle of hell. Babe, are you real?
Baby baby? Oh? Another episode of alchemy that has come
(50:24):
to a beautiful close from the Gatesville. I want to
thank all of our alchemist around the table let start
with Mr James Tenney. James, thank you so much. Tell
the folks a little something about yourself or some how
they might find you elsewhere. Well, I've been doing a
lot of video games, thanks, sorry, just failing the moment
(50:45):
video games, yeah, and game front you can probably find that,
and doing a lot of streaming of that. Yeah, right on,
fantastic venete, thanks for letting us tear you away from Dynasty.
Typewriter one year. One year is coming right out? When
is the celebra? The new season starts in a week
and I guess the official year. We've been opened open
(51:06):
for shows an until January. But this is a year
from when we launched our kickstarting. Congratulations, crazy time. So
come to dynsty type checkout DNA is the type rut
on Instagram. But that's what I'm doing most of the time. Please, yes,
thank you. Uh, let's go with career. Start around the table,
great fan check me out a West Side comedy theater.
Is there another way we can say that? Uh No,
(51:28):
I really cannot, I really cannot. I'm on I'm on
social media. Yeah, but I'm not going to tell you
what you gotta find me comedy comedy Chris Alvarado um
the West Side Comedy Theater, which I love and I
get to perform there with a lot of people, have fun.
And you always come to shows. I do come do
(51:49):
a lot of shows. You guys had the punch cards, right,
we had the punch cards. You're gonna get us stop
one of these days. And I mean, if you want
to see me post once every seventy two days two
and a half months, usually a show promo. Check out
at Chris Alvarado on all social media platforms. Guys, We're
gonna have a good time. I like that very much. Hey,
if you want to reach out and give us some
(52:10):
suggestions for future shows, right to us at your name
here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here
at alchemy this dot com. Please feel free to join
on Instagram and Twitter alchemy this and let us know
what your thoughts are and how we can make your
life just a little bit better by being more insane
than everyone else. You know, right, that's a good goal.
(52:35):
We missed Craig Kakowski terribly today he'll be joining us
a SAP allegedly gainfully employed whatever. Uh Doug Bam in
the booth, let's talk. Get a big shout out to
Doug Baby on sound effects. Britto. We missed Britto so
very very much. He's in New York. He's uh New
York Way And um oh, we can't forget Sophie Lichtman.
(53:00):
I believe that's how you say it, scientifically and literally. Yeah,
genus and species. There you go. And if anybody wants
to start the Instagram account, Um, I'm Batman, I'm mad.
Max Coffee is for closers. That's not a knife. I
would love to see an opportunity or a meme. Make
(53:20):
it happen and we'll make a T shirt. Until next time, Alchemy.
This
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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