February 21, 2019 • 52 mins
When a Health Inspector surprises a restaurant, the staff does their damnedest to keep the customers happy while explaining a multitude of infractions. A couple of ghosts show the newbie around; they haunt some teenagers playing with a ouija board. And a plug for the Alchemists performing LIVE on March 2nd at Westside Comedy Theater.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to Alchemy this. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock.
Where's that? Yes that Kevin Pally? No? No this time,
no means please help me get this cat out of
my car, good people of the world. By definition, alchemy
is quote when a person and or persons creates something
through a seeming wing magical process. Not too long ago,
I was having my gutters repaired. The idea struck me.
(00:24):
What have I brought together the right creative people, not
something to make stuff up based on my own twisted ideas,
and then offered a podcast of the seemingly magical process,
and I could call it alchemy. Stop that now, people
will never believe you're my kin if you're facing shirt
or stained by cheers, well, my bell, peppers and peppies.
After a bit of title tinkering, I'm so very proud
(00:45):
to resent to you another episode. Oh Alchemy this, let's
meet our alchemists, shall we? In no particular order? Uh?
It's Vanessa raglan Venete. If you could turn back time?
When is it? Yeah? Ninety nine? Yeah, myle mine, it's
(01:07):
Craig Atkowski. Craigor's your thoughts please on Mark Wahlberg, the
Burger Guy. Sure, that's the one. It gives me good vibrations.
Hold the possum. It's James Heeney sitting right here. Jamal
can I call you when the rain stops? Yeah? Please
(01:28):
do and like to come outside? Yeah, Chris Alvarado, Dr A,
what's the best cure for these walking blues? There it
is and U Joey Greer, ladies and gentlemen, Joey, all
my own come, he's here. He's here. Joey is in
(01:53):
fact not here, but that was the best impersonation of
his entire being, sitting in a guess thing with us today. Norman.
Dr Norman, Uh, when will you be home tonight? As
soon as what's left me is scraped together? All right,
let's get to your scene suggestions of boy your I mean,
(02:15):
he's come from listener mail right to us. That your
name here at alchemy this dot com. Subscribe to the podcast.
Tell everyone you've ever met, damn it. We would love
to hear from you any time, including us in your Instagram,
all your social media's and thank you for these following
three suggestions. This first one from Griffin Miller. Good afternoon, Alchemists.
I've been a huge fan of the show since the
(02:36):
first episode. You guys do an amazing job every week
and make the tedious drive to and from work that
much easier to get through. We're happy to be there
for you. Griffin Miller, when binging on episodes of Gordon
Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares. I've out have an idea for a
scene you might like. A health inspector makes his unplanned
visit to the worst reviewed restaurant in the city. All
the employees at the restaurant scrambled to meet the needs
(02:58):
of the inspector and not fail the inspection, all while
trying to not alert any customers that they're currently eating
at a ship hole. Keep up Love from Atlanta, Griffin Miller.
We're taken out of that restaurant under scrutiny by the
health inspector. Get this out, Table seven. Let's go go
(03:20):
go Table seven. We never numbered at the tables. Come on,
excuse me, I'm looking for the manager of this establishment,
manager in his office. That's funny, not three times and
then kick the door down. He's probably doing drugs, don't you.
I'm jeered the health inspector from the city. Do you
have any proof that, sir, this is my patch and
(03:41):
this clipboard that i'm writing with. Huh, that's my weapon.
All right. Then you'll find Stevie in the back, and
that I said the managers usually in the back. Will
do you please walk me there? I'm not familiar with
this building, so I'm not going to cook all these
meals if i gotta walk. Thank you, Thank you. You're welcome, Tina.
I'm gonna right in your name on my clipboard really quick.
(04:01):
But what position do you hold? I am front of
the house also sometimes I'm back here, jack of all trades.
All right, I'm gonna need you to help me out
because either we're gonna lock this place down because not
another person is going to enter, or you will make
sure that everyone that is served from this point forward. Yes,
(04:24):
you're front of house, aren't you, Tina? Yeah? I didn't
know exactly. Yes, Tina, stay with This is a health inspection.
Do you have anything? Do you have any idea how
important my job is I keep people safe. You're so strong, Tina.
I don't want a single case of salmonil to happen
while I'm here. Jerry won't happen on my watch. I
(04:47):
swear to it's Jerry. It's show me to the boss's office.
It's just right down here. The Have you seen Raditui? Yes,
we're doing a theme day, a theme day. Rats, rats,
so many rats. Okay, don't joke, don't joke. Alright, alright, whoa.
(05:16):
My name is Jared. I'm from the city and I'm
the health inspector. You'll notice my badge. And what did
you say, Stevie? Stevie? Well, Stephen, I'm here to inspect Davie.
Please please, Steven is my dad, Stevie. I'm here to
inspect this building. There have been complaints of people getting ill,
and he put me in some sort of authority position.
(05:37):
I don't understand. I'm telling Tina, I told you either
we're going to lock these doors and not and not
let another person in, or you're personally gonna promise me
that no cases of salmonila will occur from this point. Dana,
Are you enjoying your salmon? It's a little dry and gray. Oh,
(05:58):
I'm sorry, baby, it's all right. I asked for more water.
The man said he had to go next door for it.
That's okay, okay, Hey, I want to tell you something.
These last four months have been spectacular, don't I know? It?
I mean, wow, I feel so close to you, and
(06:19):
everything I want to say sounds cliche, but I just
feel like I don't know we're connected somewhere. You just
spit it out, Ritchie. You know your any more water,
but off on the bucket of us. And if we
just give it some time, you will love sometimes just
leve in a moment. Thank you so much. Okay, go ahead,
go ahead, Richie, just say what you need to see. Well,
(06:41):
I uh, I wasn't on a work trip last week.
I actually flew to Alaska to meet your father. I
know you haven't spoken the name in a long time. Well, no,
he's a fur trapper. He doesn't have a phone. I
found him. How did you find him? I have my ways.
God gave you the hour. I really am your north star.
(07:03):
You are, and I asked your father if I could
have his blessing, really, and he spoke to you in
English speak. He didn't speak much, but you know with
hand signals, hand signals, and the way he he poured
the elks blood on my face. He poured elks blood
(07:25):
on I'm telling you I couldn't have asked for a
more perfect moment. I want to tell you a secret
right now, there have been six I count six men
who have tried this exact same thing and they have
never gotten the elks blood put all over them. I
feel lucky. I mean, that is my dad. I don't
want to alert you. But if anyone asks the delicious
(07:47):
and you have no cramps, thank you, sir. You understand
what I'm saying. Thank you. Think so her salmon was
gray and dent was perfectly bink. Stevie, I'm going to
give you two choices, Okay, I love it. Either I'm
going to go table to table and take a small
(08:09):
piece of everyone's meal, Okay, whatever the other choices because
I don't want that. I don't want to test it
with this salmonilla detector doorby, doorby, Or you are going
to be responsible for getting a selected piece of each
of those meals. Someone's going out there and I need
to get a sample of every meal on the floor. Stevie.
(08:30):
Oh man, oh man, that's a real Oh that's like
something out of Greek mythology. That was options. What are
you talking about? This is a health inspection or you're
not familiar, Stevie. I could up, but over here the
request from the health guy and we've got a bunch
of plates under the lights here before they go out.
(08:51):
Maybe he could sample something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a
good compromisemise the intercom button with my butt, Tina, come on,
come on, wait a minute. If you're here, like, who's waiting?
Don't tell me burrows waiting on tables right all the tables. O, no, no,
(09:12):
birls doing better. Well. I will start with taking samples
from the plates that are under the light, but I
will not leave until I have a sample from every
plate on the floor. Dana, finish your meal, Richie. There's
a two things, just eight fast because almost almost almost
on a tim for the second time. I mean, you
(09:33):
do a lot of eight eight? Don't sall my airings
caught in my hair? Dana? There's a ring that salmon?
What that's what he was trying to help me with.
(09:55):
I assume absolutely. So they're to ring and a tooth
in my salmon. Can you get done out? Yes, of course,
don't worry about it. Just so nosily sweating. I am sweating.
(10:16):
It's a little bit of thinking. It's just feeling, you
know what it is. You're overwhelmed. You're overwhelmed. Look at me.
Look at me days you here. Oh, I have a
tooth as well. You have a tooth in your drink? Yeah,
indaise your hollandaistes So okay, Jared, if it tastes this
(10:41):
dish right here, this is our salmon Ella, named after
the famous jazz singer Elephants Gerald u s. It's served
on a bed of uncooked rice with a sprig of parsley. Stevie,
I don't think that you've ever had health inspection. I'm
not gonna put this into my mouth. I'm gonna place
it into this vial and now I'm going to add
(11:03):
this liquid. And if it turns blue, oh, you're like
an alchemist, and exactly like an alchemist, and then I
think it's just a scientist. You're right, you're right, You're right.
It is more like unless it turns into gold, it's
all right, all right, Maybe I don't know what alchemy is. Okay,
this is it turned blue. There's salmonilla in this. It is.
(11:26):
It's it's it's that's the name of the dish. Nothing
but out. That's that's one point one point off the ground.
You're laying down. Just just we're gonna listen. I felt
like this before sunglasses on, and keep your from your
listen to. My father wasn't into it. I had a
(11:47):
lot of old fish in my time, and when I
get sick from old fish, the only thing I can
do is what I've always done, and that's lay on
the ground and put my nace in the air and
just stop by. I just she just need to constantly
need to concentrate the wind. He's my boyfriend. The wind
(12:08):
is my boyfriend. Your fiance, Richie, Oh gosh, sorry if
we kind of regress there for a moment. Whenever I
feel this ill, I usually call them my own Innuit
spirit animal, and when it comes to me, it tells
me everything, right, This is this is why I love her, Richie.
I have a confession. Yes, I wasn't on a business
(12:30):
trip either. Last week. What I went to northern Florida
to meet your mother. God she. I wanted to know
the woman who made this man that sits before me
spitting out teeth and handing me rings, and and she
taught me so much about how to make you happy.
(12:53):
And I just wanted you to know that it's the
first time I've ever done that for me. That means
a lot to me. The fact that you would wait
all day to visit my mom in the penitentiary. I did,
and she asked me for a lot of illegal things.
She does that. Look, I feel like you're dying. I'm
probably walking about all right. Let's see what kind of
(13:17):
fancy colors are famous molten lava cake turns when he
goes in your little test too. This is the tenth
straight blue vial, Stevie Tina. Nothing but brown, straight up brown.
It's blue. It is blue. This place is getting shut down.
I need you to can't shut down the shed house.
(13:37):
I'm a health inspector. Look at dispatch. Look at this clipboard?
Am I supposed to be impressed? Well, I'll give you
two choices, Stevie Tina. Well, okay, then I'm going to
walk out there and kick all of your customers out.
Oh good, we don't have to do it. Well, that
was the first choice. I was gonna let you save
face and say whatever you want and see you have
(13:58):
to close early. If I go out there, I'm going
to tell them that it's your shitty food that's making
I've been just front of the house. This is Stevie's place.
I've been here for seven months. I don't have a
lot at stake the way to throw me under the bus, Tina,
(14:24):
excuse me, excuse me. I'm a health inspector looking at
the app on her phone. I couldn't have done that.
I couldn't have gotten into her phone without her coat.
Oh you have open wounds on your hands, sir. I'm
you gonna look at me. Yes, sister, I'm here. I
love you, I love you, I love you, Martha to
the northern night. I want you want here. Folks were
(14:45):
having a good time. Yeah, ke happening right here at
the Yeah happy, you know. Just promise me, and if
I survived this, that every year we'll come back and
sit at this very same table at the ship house
(15:08):
and have the same dinner. Inspector, can you make that?
Can you grant that wish? Can you keep this place
open at least every day on this every year, in
this day we love the well. I'm going to have
to leave that up to Stevie. Stevie, you have two choices.
Number two. Yes, we'll do it. He's gonna He's gonna
(15:28):
be accountable for every day she's gone. Dana's dad. Shoot,
um wait? Is that? What is that? Undo the deal?
I don't think it does. Actually it does. If somebody dies, Stevie,
come up dying wish, dying wish. Yeah, but I'm gonna
have to report this death on even more important than
(15:48):
a regular wish on a dying wish. Regular wishes happen
every day, officer. Jared called the officer. I'm not feeling
myself like I wish that a plus for the rest
(16:09):
of time. Wow, you got all that. I feel personally
responsible if I leave this open, But those are dying wishes, Jared,
can we go over at last report that you did
from the ship hole? Um, I don't know if I've
got time, it's pretty close to the end of the day.
Maybe you should get it, just be a couple of minutes.
(16:31):
It seems here the place is getting an A plus.
There's a lot of information about how things went poorly,
and at the bottom here it says dying wish. It
should get an A plus for all time. And yeah,
and I kind of felt like it's a bell curve anywheries,
like it's all in person. You wrote down dying wish, Well,
I wrote it down because it happened, sir, Then you
(16:54):
think we should in fact give this place an A plus,
even though there's been uh seventeen violations. I don't know
that we really have a choice because of the dying
wish I wish. I've been led to believe that a
dying wish is by You've been led to believe this
by was some sort of governing bond. Well it was.
(17:16):
Let's just say it's by somebody that respects the authority
of an officer. Is this report mocking me in this office?
Is that what the inte? No? Absolutely not, I would
hear how long? This is my third year and I
have I don't see a dying wish on any of
your previous report. Well, how often do people make dying
wishes while you're health inspecting? Hopefully never? Never, exactly. Well,
(17:37):
now it's not never, alright, folks. If you look to
your right, you'll see our next stop on our Haunted
City tour. This used to be the Cincinnati ship House,
the most haunted restaurant in all of Cincinnati. Now you
can stop and take pictures here, and we're gonna take
a little walking tour on the way. And remember keep
your flashlights on and your headlights on, and make sure
you use the buddy system. Here we go step over
(17:59):
the ruble? Do we get the buddies? Just just you
should have brought a buddy with you, but if I'll
be your buddy. Perfect? Great, okay, you guys are now
if you step in here, please watch your step, watch
your step. There's a lot of rubble around. Please please
watch your step. Now. This is the scene where the
most people died ever from a single fish, one years ago.
(18:24):
Years ago, so that joke is actually okay, there's been
enough time passed between the horrible horrible day. I have
a question, Yes, sir, I was reading the brochure. Is
this true? It's still open? It opens its doors once
a year. It does open its doors once a year.
Everyone dies here. Yes, there is a haunted ball here
where your buddy. Your buddy is translucent. Why is my
(18:47):
buddy see through? Co defined you through? I think that's
Stephen Stevie. Please listen. You folks asked for a haunted
two or what did you expect? This is incredible? And
consider signing up for a frequent diners club. Well do
(19:09):
are you open one day? Are you alone? Or did
the did the patrons who did? Okay, well you know
you came alone, man, But are there other ghosts here.
The people who died here are Yeah. I mean we've
got front of house. We got back a house. You
know a lot of ghost rats. Oh here they come. Wow, Wow,
this is something special. You're welcome. You're welcome. Remember sign
(19:32):
up for our email list. Can we go to the
to the pizza joint that burned down? Absolutely, some comedian ghosts.
Some people say that in the old burned down pizza joint,
if you're really quiet, you can still hear the screen.
That'll be fun. Yeah, so make sure you take your
pictures here. No infrared cameras, and please don't ask any
of the dead people. He doesn't even show up on
(19:53):
the camera. No he doesn't. I'm gonna ask all this
ask you that you do not ask the ghosts any
questions about the metaphysical. Well, we don't want any answers.
My cheese. I ordered a cheese a medium. Dad. Come on,
that's Steven, Steven, your little ship. I only asked for
(20:15):
the cheese, but real stickler for for pink in the middle.
I would like it. Gray. Okay, Well I want to
go to the next place. Sure, absolutely, Just hap back
on the bus. I gotta get a new buddy. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's how you do that. You heard the man, that's
(20:38):
what's done. All right, we're gonna take you to m Yeah.
This is Uh, I'm not sure how to pronounce his name.
H e I l y heally highly Yeah, it's the
Ei that heally Okay, okay heally. Hey, guys love the podcast.
Can't tell you how wonderful my work days. Every Ones
(21:00):
are really happy that we're helping them through work and
uh work days of Ben. Y'all's amazing talent. I've seen
I haven't seen my sister and I came up with.
Frank and Jeffrey are the new ghost interns at Haunted House. Yeah,
at the Haunted House in Corporate, and have to be
trained by Will and Ben, who are showing up for
(21:21):
the ghost paycheck. At this point, they're just showing up
for the paycheck. They're not really hearts an in uh.
Will and Ben are the ghosts. Frank and Jeffrey are
the new ghost interns that are being shown around by
Will and Ben, who are just sort of phoning it in.
They're assigned a scarce sleepover of three kids playing with
a Weiji board whose parents are scientists and I thought
(21:44):
that skeptical despite the evidence where it depends to give
us too much information. Yeah, that's the same where they graduated.
That's good. Thanks to all the laughs, and I hope
the suggestion pans out. So we've got Frank and Jerry
our ghost Jeffrey, Frank, Jeffrey and Jeffrey I don't know
who Jerry is. Frank and Jeffrey are ghost in h
(22:07):
and Will and Ben are the ghost phoning and we're
giving them the tour and the training on how to
work at the Haunted House Incorporated. Take what you will?
Which one of these Ben? Which one's Will? I'm Ben?
Uh huh. I'm super excited to be a ghost intern.
(22:30):
And I was just hoping that you guys could show
to show us the ropes. But I have a few questions. Sure, yeah,
go ahead. Uh Well, first of all, I always thought
the ghost could go through buildings and the walls and things.
You know, we kind of do what we do, right,
So if I can't get through the wall, how do
I get into houses? Well? I usually go through the keyhole. Sure, well,
(22:54):
you need to have some sort of or you can
go underneath. If they don't have one of those, are
you can always to stand around and waiting from it
to open its window. That's realistically that most of the
time spent kind of time consuming. It's very you got
nothing but time now. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, Frank,
what do you think I'm still getting used to the
whole being dead thing? Yeah? Yeah, you gotta like that
(23:17):
you're not pooping, you're not eating. Yeah, yeah, I really
miss pooping, be honest with Yeah, we all do. But
that goes away. That goes away after time, remember you all?
You got his time now? So and why am I
hunting this particular place? Like I thought that i'd like
behind my wife or something. I mean, these kids are
just playing with the Wigi board. Why why don't we gonna? Okay,
(23:37):
so when kids play with Auiji board, it's kind of
like it's like you remember when you were kids, you
used to do prank calls, you know, So it's kind
of like that scenario, like they they kind they're kind
of just dial in numbers. Yeah, they don't really know
who they're calling or anything like that. But it's kind
of our job to, um, do we guide what what
(23:57):
do you say? We? No? No, no, we were like, yeah,
we could were good you're good. Usually they just guide
each other. Yeah. Usually they're just trying to show off.
And you know we put a little spoken to it.
Will I marry Brad Pitt? I can tell you that. No, Okay,
you ask a question. Um, okay, wait, lightly with your fingers.
(24:20):
If you push too hard, the ghosts aren't able to move.
It is true. Absolutely, that's true. Okay, Toya, We've got
to focus. Okay. If there are any spirits in this home,
that's scary. It's supposed to be scary. You don't want
to be scared, well, then let's not do this madness. No, no, no, no, no,
(24:43):
I want to be scared. Are you sure? Are you
a teenager or not? I'm a teenager. Are you sure
you're a teenager? Yes? Show Jessica. They're telling me to
show me. You're sorry, Toya, I just don't know what
you're up to. Okay, okay, let's scared. Want to be scared.
If there are any spirits and that's how how could
(25:09):
I have done that? You did that? That was over
that The diet coke is across the room. How could
I have done that? Okay? Show you okay, okay, okay,
all right, now a lot of new ghosts, new ghosts.
You see what I did there? Alright, I started small,
is what I did. Okay, you move, you move a
little something, you reach out, you move a little something
could be something could be explainable, you know, it could
(25:29):
do something at first that could be on the fence
skeptics from them. How is that explainable? Well, I mean,
you know, a skeptic. We'll try to talk them down,
you know, like someone will walk it. Oh my gosh,
you create a can't of coke moved and you know somebody?
Okay again, a could move whatever. You know, Like, it's
not like they're counting on them being related to stupid people,
right and children, So they're not probably going to be
(25:51):
believed by a lot of people. Always start small, is
my point. No, wait a minute, this girl is like
forty years younger than Brad Pitt. Like, that's not a
pro brit in any way. Right, it's not how we
supposed to make I'm still hung up on that it's
supposed to make that happen. No, you know we're not
genies were ghosts. Okay, alright, you're not buried in a
lamb there and wait, wait, wait, wait, what like Okay,
(26:17):
first like I guess you on the cheek, and then
you ask are you teenager? Are you not a teenager?
I'm a teenager. Accuse me on the cheek. I'm going
to do it. There he goes in this house. Make
your presence know right now, everybody take a floorboard, okay,
(26:39):
jump up and down on it. All right, all right,
I'm doing I'm not making any sound, all right, that
you did that? How could I have done that? How
can I move the floor? So what are you telling me?
What are you telling me? Oh my god? Oh my
ghost trail? Oh my god. Alright, alright, look, do not
appear well. Know what we got here is a classic
(27:01):
case of go stop, go okay. They're like, oh, we
want to see the ghosts, and then no, we don't
want to see the ghost. Oh we want to see
the ghost. Isn't that everyone's reaction? They do, and they don't. No,
we don't have to show ourselves to him right now.
We need to build up to that. And what I
would suggest, and this is not in the this is
not in the handle touch them, this is not in
the pamphlet. I go through some of this stuff and
(27:22):
find out their deepest fears. No, you want to go
for the deepest fears, the hearts blood, you know. Yeah,
just a teeny bit, just a teeny bill like here,
look at this look look at this diary. It says, all, MG,
do I love Puerto Rican men? Alright, alright, ready, so
(27:43):
this time I'm gonna ask completely. First, you have to
give me a town. Okay, I'm okay, Okay, I'm gonna
ask it a very specific question like I'm gonna like
ask to see if they actually know. We don't have
to tell me you're going. I'll hear what I hear it.
I don't want to be involve. Okay, but we started,
we did that thing. If there are like, let me
(28:06):
start it and then I'll point at you when at
your turn. Okay, I'm nod my head because my fingers
are on the Okay, is there a stare? It's in
this home? Let yourself be Now tell me who gravitas?
I want to know who I'm going to love forever?
(28:28):
Oh my god, it's movie. What's it smelling? Then you
want to take this one? All right? Hi? Got it? Okay?
What's spelling? Just spell free, spell free, It'll be funny
freak Okay, Oh my god, that's so sick. Oh yeah, yeah,
(28:51):
there it is. That's weird, se co je it just flipped.
Oh my gosh, a fritta fritage frita is fritae? Did
I move that? Do I look like I moved that?
(29:16):
I could never. I don't have to watch this, do No,
you don't have to watch it. But it's sort of
a character study. You need to know your your targets,
you need to know what you're up against. If I
could be honest, it just seems like they're in the
sex and they don't really care about the Well the
teenagers hormones are going bananas. But we're just what are
(29:37):
we doing? What are we doing here? Waiting for an
opportunity to strike, well, to strike deep within their anxiety
each other knowing that they're in the Puerto Rican man
doesn't help me scare them. Well, that was just an example.
This is my first training session. All right, let me
just say one thing. If we can just get one
of them to just have only one of their hands
(29:57):
on the thing at a time, then we can, you know,
pos see that person then murder the other murder teenagers.
That's what hold on. Ben's got a point here, listen
to a really quick way out of this. If you're
just getting bored, you can't take it anymore. As a
possession murders there, all right, you possessed one, you use
(30:18):
that one to murder the other? What is I think?
I think it's like it's like German for like, dude, Jesus,
they haven't got again, so lucky German things flip the last.
I just feel like, um, I just feel like you've
(30:39):
proven to me that you're kind of like a teenager
for sure. And I've kissed you and cheek, I've seen
your boobs and I saw your butthole. But I feel
like I don't I want to like see like your
spiritual side. So I like that you hear that. That's
our cute switching lights on and off real quick? Could
(31:00):
you do that? You do that? Did I do that? Yeah?
Look my hands were up myself. How could I have
done that? Okay? Okay, okay, okay. Then now put those
hands taken out of you, put him, put him on
the piece and ask a real question. So I guess
I really know you? Um okay, okay, in this house
(31:28):
all right now, what I'm gonna guys, try something really
easy out of the pamphlet, and it's called a vowel movement. Okay,
so you pick a vowel, a vowel, Yeah, you pick
a vowel right like an e I okay, I'm no.
You just let you You just kind of groan it out.
You just kind of grow Yeah. Yeah, it's like, how
I'll do one for you. Oh see, that's a vowel movement.
(31:52):
If my uncle Mike is here, please let him speak
to me through this board. This is your uncle, man?
What whoa? You threw in some confident an? Did you
know what I do that? How could I have even
done that? I don't know. That's too scary. I'm putting
my clothes back. This is your uncle. That is not
my uncle, Mike. You are not my uncle mine. You
(32:14):
make me a sandwich? Oh my god, he did love sandwiches.
Oh my god, you're getting that from the diary. How
did you get that? Look you're being a little specific.
You're gonna scare him off. Okay, I'd like to have
a story to tell, so keep him on the line
and let's real. Alright, alright, I'm out of here. If
this is Joya, If you leave, I swear to god, okay,
(32:37):
kiss my pip. Okay, okay, okay, Uncle Mike, if it's
really you, what what do you want to say to me?
I thought your clothes back on? Okay, run around the
circle three times? What is this leading to? I don't know.
Just run toy one and two, keep up three, Toya
(33:09):
and spelling your name backwards and jay either way? O?
What is this? And they really can't spell? They can't,
they can't. This is what I was afraid of. This
is what I was afraid of. You get too involved
in humans businesses and you realize that you just want
(33:32):
to be dead more. You know. You listen to people
talk about what they think they know? Am I right? Bend?
I don't know, shut up, and they just go on
and on. They don't want to hear what anybody else
has to say. They're listen to themselves. It's a teenagers,
I mean again, they just want to be with each other.
Why do we have to do this? Well, because that's
our job, right, Toya? Did you just think that sometimes
(33:55):
we do stupid stuff like momanness and we gi because
we want to have an excuse to bond without really
having to admit that there's no one we'd rather spend
our nights with my neck. I'm tryna on your neck.
(34:16):
I'm just near it. Yes, I like that, but I'm
also freaked out because I feel like your uncle Mike
is watching. Why don't we take out for clothes. You
land top of me, and we'll do light as a feather,
stiff as a board. Okay, that sounds normal. Okay, let's
do it, all right, everybody take a corner of this
bed and on three, okay, on three, I want to
lift this bad boy up and try to get it
(34:37):
up to your chest. Okay, and then when I say,
under ruse, we drop it on the ground. Are you ready?
If you even say, did I do that? I'm gonna
kiss you so hard your eyes trying to cross. Oh
(34:59):
my gosh, was that sex? This did not have the
expected effects that I thought it would. I think I
threw my back up. Is that possible? You walk it
off or floating off? Floating off? You'll be all right,
you'll be I think I'm gonna just to possess one
of these people and take the rest of their lives
for myself, all right. I think that's that's good, Ben,
I mean, that's a little advanced for a brand new
(35:19):
new bis here. But they should at least see it
so they see how it's done. I just can't be
a ghost anymore. You just want to be deep inside
one of these teenagers with the lack of any better
wave saying it. Yeah, yeah, if we're done here, I
was supposed to go to h R and get set
up with payrolls. Sure, sure, sure, yeah, we'll walk you
down there right after this. Go ahead, BENI but chance,
(35:45):
what was that? I just felt something go through me.
Come here, come here, kiss me? Yeah yeah, yeah, thank
you for sex. Welcome back, Ben. We missed you for
(36:10):
like nine seconds. That really badly. Yeah. I didn't expect
the possessed one would be the way killed. Goody, good eye,
that was actually not what was planned. Goody, you're not
really great. This terrible. But the point is is that
you knwbies have learned to be objectively critical of the situation.
You know what's right and what's wrong. Our job is done,
(36:31):
even though if we're being objective, it is not just
we're just observing, right right? Yeah, well that's that's about
of a ghost job. Yeah, girls, how did you sleep
overgoing gay? Great? You know what this is actually just
gotten more interesting. I want to see what this teenage
(36:53):
girl does with the body of a friend. And good
news he's going to be a ghost in about five minutes.
Do you need anything, No, we're all good. I want
some pizza rolls to always with the pizza rolls. That's me.
I'm Toya. Yes, um yeah, the doctor called, so we're
(37:16):
moving your appointing to two pm tomorrow. Okay, no worries. Oh,
you always have to go to the doctor. Shut up, Toya.
She's not even modulating her voice at all to change
the character. No teenagers, you know she's finding want to
give you guys your space. But I'll be right back
to the pizzros. But I have to come inside because
I need to go to the safe joyous hiding under
the bed. Find me? You can't find me? Can hear
(37:41):
you to? Okay, I'm gonna get pizza rolls up right back.
I'm gonna have to turn you into a puppet. I'm
so sorry. I think she's gonna weekend. Make your mouth move,
get the body on the bed. How do I make
her Toya kids instinct, just do this. Maybe we can
(38:05):
help her out and her body heard that from you
mean possessed the dead. We'll just move her, move her lips,
kind of like we did with the magic. Oh that's
a good idea. Never work. It doesn't look like a
puppet at all. Toy looks totally dead. Sit me up straight,
all right, movie, I'll help you out. You got this, Jeff,
(38:31):
where you got this? Got Toya? I'm cracking a beer
for this. This is fantastic. Okay, you don't sound like Toya.
Listen when my mom comes in, you just do the
moving of the mouth alpha in the words. Believe me.
I would have been triloquiz camp last year, the talk
and I did you got it? Okay, Pizza, I'm coming in.
(38:51):
Pizzas are so good. I don't get it. Tommy a Toya.
I'm into Borto Rican. I know you are. Who isn't? Thanks? Mom?
Now we want to have some girl time. Okay, wait,
I have to go to the safe. That's why I'm
in here. Oh, go to the safe in front of Toya.
You can't trust me as far as you're can throw me. Oh,
(39:13):
if you can say that, then I know I can
trust you. Take my wife, take my wife. I don't know,
I don't know. I don't know is she doing a
hammer glass route? Momum, I see what's going on here.
You two are young girls who are experimenting. Yeah, that's
(39:34):
all it is. Yeah, that's all it is, like science
experimency that this old timey voice toy has been doing
because she learned it. Event what's going on? You're just
being a teenager being a teenager? Are you both teenagers? Absolutely? Okay,
(39:55):
I'm going to the safe really quickly. One like, all pickle,
what I haven't heard. I'm legitimately uncomfortable for her. Yeah.
I was just about to say, pop quiz, pop quiz nobies.
So we got a dead teenager, stabbed by another teenager
and a mom in the room to get to the safe.
What do you do? How do you scare him? I
(40:18):
don't know, slap a teenager? Alright? Good good? Hey you too,
No rough housing, I'll tell that. Okay. I'm telling you
to both of you. Don't worry about it. We're gonna
be super good. Okay, and only this much experimentation, okay,
only little kisses, that's it, lady, okay too. Do I
(40:42):
have to call your parents? Call them? Come, mom's gotta
notice this dead something I don't know. Let him ride,
let it ride. I think we're gonna go straight to
debor for this, so I'm gonna have to ask you
to go home. I'm gonna call your parents unless you
can and straighten up and and just act normal for
(41:03):
a second, please, okay mm hmm. All right, now, does
everybody all these ghosts see you, guys? You guys feel
the electricity in the air, the apprehension, the anxiety, fear.
(41:25):
That's what gives us energy, all right, That's what gives
us ghost energy. It's just like the movie Monsters, inc.
That's how the ghost thing works. I understand. But the
kid is just being super creative and whatnot, and I
don't know that that's given me anything but anxiety. Well
you know what anxiety is power in our case, you know,
So just kind of use that to coalesce and stay
(41:46):
in one spot for yourself, you know. And uh, we'll
see how how this little kid figures this ship out,
because honestly, I gotta tell you all the kids I
scared of my three years, I've never seen a kid
that's a bigger asshole. All right, Well, I'm leaving you
(42:06):
too alone. Now. Finally I got what I needed to
keep my hands off. Now we're friends from the nineteen thirties.
Did you hear that I got what I needed? That
it is safe. Yes it's your father's gun. Yes it
is loaded, and yes there is no safety that shouldn't
concern either of you. There's just I heard some noises
(42:29):
in the house. I like the house was moving and
go a little scared. This is for our protection. Okay, okay, toyo,
do you know how to hold a gun? Hold? Just
very funny. Okay, I'm leaving into alone now, you know what.
I'll leave the gun right here because if somebody breaks in,
(42:51):
I don't care to kill me, but I want you
to be safe. Thanks. Okay, take the gun, the gun,
I shoot out the window. Get me the funk out
(43:16):
of here, alright, folks. The next stop on our Haunted
Mystery to Our is a photo recreation of Toya's Room. Now,
if any of you have ever seen the film Toya's
Room So Scary, you know how this thing ended. And
you can see here. Actually we have we have the
(43:37):
actual glass from the actual window reconstructed with the bullet
hole in it. Yeah. Yeah, some say you can still
hear the screams. I know, I say that about every
place on the tour. But I I do, I do.
But you know, thinking about scream, I haven't heard the
person with no partner keeps screaming. Lot of people listen.
(44:01):
I I bought. I brought verified psychics into this room
on tour before, and they can feel an energy here,
they really can. It's uh, it's malevolent, that's what they
tell me. So go ahead and take your pictures and
make sure that get me by the bed can get
me by the men, yeah, they said. And on the
day that this bed raised three feet off the ground
(44:22):
and dropped it right to the ground, they were just kids.
I'm sure that didn't happen. Well, it was in the movie.
It was in the movie. It was very sexual, very
very sexual, way out in front of stuff up the butts. Yeah,
a lot of a lot of a lot of hands themselves. True.
You know they say that before she died she could
(44:42):
put her hands up herself. Yeah, before she died, she died.
Let's get into that. I'm ready to go to the
next place. Sure, yeah, yeah, let's just make this shot
real quick before we move on to the next place. Though,
I just just to keep the spirits at rest. I
want to do a quick wage aboard session. Yes, of course,
(45:06):
fridge right like in the movie. Right Fridge it spells
fridge like in the movie. Okay, well we got this
one right. Yeah, we can do Oh yeah we can.
We can do this. This is just a tour group.
We can scare the ship out of them that they're
predisposed already believe in. Right, it's been worth waiting around
for this. He's right. Okay, So what is it that
(45:27):
we're asking the spirits? Well, uh, any question at all?
Does anybody have a question in mine for the spirits? Remember,
these are murderous spirits. Murderous spirit Well, that's should we
do it? Should we say that chance that they said
in the movie if spirits make themselves know, kill my
(45:52):
aunt your No. I hate my aunt Harriet, and I
would love if one of these evil spirits would kill it. Benjamin,
I do not speak about me like that group. He
Oh my gosh. Did an'tbody hear that sound like? It
sounded like a phone movement? A way? There it is,
(46:17):
that's what we've been training for. There it is, Cliff,
that's sounded kind of Hawaiian. That was all five vowels.
And also sometimes why I was there too. Yeah, my
name is Frank by the way. Frank, by the way,
is that Italian? Okay, all right, let's take our alcabus
(46:41):
for another fine day's work. First, so quick shoutout to
Ropire help. We're doing the sound design and God bless him.
Remember the days when he was in the room with us. Time,
really good times. Now he's a ghost. Now is the ghost?
Speaking of which, Joey Greer not here? Still here? Alright,
we'll go around James any Thank you so much for
(47:03):
participating in Thanks for activity, Thanks for letting me And
if anybody's interested, and they could check out Brief News
brief dot com. That's where you're gonna find twice a
week some comedy news. Beautiful and I should announce that
if anyone's in the greater Los Angeles area and wants
to see Alchemy. This performed live on stage the West
Side Comedy Theater has given a ten o'clock slot on
(47:25):
Wednesday March. Wednesday, March then ten pm the first live
on stage performance of the podcast of Alchemy. This. Yeah,
very excited about that. Vanessa Riving, what's going on? How
are you wait for Wednesday March sounds good? West Side
Comedy Theater. Other than that, life is just so good,
excellently We're all blessed and super blessed. Chris Alvarado. Life
(47:49):
isn't as good for me as it is for finness, right, Okay,
waking with this feeling and dread every morning. But I'm
working on that. But yeah, I'm really excited about this,
this live show. If you are in in Los Angeles,
it's in Santa Monica West Comedy Theater. Also always thinking,
because I'm always thinking about the police. One word that
keeps coming up every time they write us is the
word tedious. Uh they listen to us on their tedious
(48:11):
drive tedious. I don't know. I don't know. I'm just
throwing this out there. Even if one person does that,
this thing would be fun to maybe see a photo
of your tedious goings on with the hashtag tedious tedious
this out there, I don't know, figure it out. Yeah,
I'm just curious. I want to see you with these
What it means? Where are you listen, where it's landing,
and where it shows sitting in today? Mr Brad Norman, Hi, everybody,
(48:39):
Thanks for having me. You can hear me as the
voice of Bowlinkol Moose on the Adventures of Rock and
bowl Linkol on Amazon Prime. I'm also on Twitter at
Brad and Action Brand ad Action, Brad and Action and
as a Norman y Brad Norman arguably the two worst
names for a white person, just to put it further
(49:01):
out there that you're white. Yes, yeah, okay, I'm Kevin
Pollock and uh, I want to thank our injury also
had a great time. We didn't have time to get
to here, Craig. I think you know how we feel
about you and that we don't need to hear anything
from you. But if we did, what would it be?
Well if you want to see me playing such characters
(49:23):
as Arnold Rothstein, Richard M. Nixon and Adam West. Season
six of Drunk History is currently here. Fantastic and congratulations
on an amazing show. Not today, but that show. That
show Drunk History really doesn't bring it home for everyone. Uh,
Doug Bam engineer, so If Lichtman, our superstar producer, and
(49:47):
the I heart radio folks for allowing us, as always
these auspices and um again right to us your name
here this dot com. Tell everyone you've ever met please
to subscribe to the show. We're still only maybe three
months into this thing as a launching new podcast within
an ocean of over three thousand podcasts. And if you
like the show, we really really appreciate your support and
(50:10):
every which way that you can do that. So your
name here, Alchemy this dot com righte a review, subscribe,
Tell everyone you know if they enjoy improvised comedy that
Alchemy this is your personal favorite. I want to thank
you all very much here in the room. Thank you
each and every one of you. Thank you. We'll see
you next week. And uh, I don't know this felt
(50:32):
good without joy? Am I the only one? If we're
an agreement. He does drink his own? Is that true?
Let's see we've never seen it, but man, oh man,
we heard sorry. That is his catchphrase for some reason.
(50:56):
And please, we'd love to see some fan art of that.
I don't show me your tedious, show us your tedium
and move come up with a T shirt about Joey.
Thank you again on behalf of everyone until next time.
As always, welcome me. B
Welcome back to Alchemy this. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock.
Where's that? Yes that Kevin Pally? No? No this time,
no means please help me get this cat out of
my car, good people of the world. By definition, alchemy
is quote when a person and or persons creates something
through a seeming wing magical process. Not too long ago,
I was having my gutters repaired. The idea struck me.
(00:24):
What have I brought together the right creative people, not
something to make stuff up based on my own twisted ideas,
and then offered a podcast of the seemingly magical process,
and I could call it alchemy. Stop that now, people
will never believe you're my kin if you're facing shirt
or stained by cheers, well, my bell, peppers and peppies.
After a bit of title tinkering, I'm so very proud
(00:45):
to resent to you another episode. Oh Alchemy this, let's
meet our alchemists, shall we? In no particular order? Uh?
It's Vanessa raglan Venete. If you could turn back time?
When is it? Yeah? Ninety nine? Yeah, myle mine, it's
(01:07):
Craig Atkowski. Craigor's your thoughts please on Mark Wahlberg, the
Burger Guy. Sure, that's the one. It gives me good vibrations.
Hold the possum. It's James Heeney sitting right here. Jamal
can I call you when the rain stops? Yeah? Please
(01:28):
do and like to come outside? Yeah, Chris Alvarado, Dr A,
what's the best cure for these walking blues? There it
is and U Joey Greer, ladies and gentlemen, Joey, all
my own come, he's here. He's here. Joey is in
(01:53):
fact not here, but that was the best impersonation of
his entire being, sitting in a guess thing with us today. Norman.
Dr Norman, Uh, when will you be home tonight? As
soon as what's left me is scraped together? All right,
let's get to your scene suggestions of boy your I mean,
(02:15):
he's come from listener mail right to us. That your
name here at alchemy this dot com. Subscribe to the podcast.
Tell everyone you've ever met, damn it. We would love
to hear from you any time, including us in your Instagram,
all your social media's and thank you for these following
three suggestions. This first one from Griffin Miller. Good afternoon, Alchemists.
I've been a huge fan of the show since the
(02:36):
first episode. You guys do an amazing job every week
and make the tedious drive to and from work that
much easier to get through. We're happy to be there
for you. Griffin Miller, when binging on episodes of Gordon
Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares. I've out have an idea for a
scene you might like. A health inspector makes his unplanned
visit to the worst reviewed restaurant in the city. All
the employees at the restaurant scrambled to meet the needs
(02:58):
of the inspector and not fail the inspection, all while
trying to not alert any customers that they're currently eating
at a ship hole. Keep up Love from Atlanta, Griffin Miller.
We're taken out of that restaurant under scrutiny by the
health inspector. Get this out, Table seven. Let's go go
(03:20):
go Table seven. We never numbered at the tables. Come on,
excuse me, I'm looking for the manager of this establishment,
manager in his office. That's funny, not three times and
then kick the door down. He's probably doing drugs, don't you.
I'm jeered the health inspector from the city. Do you
have any proof that, sir, this is my patch and
(03:41):
this clipboard that i'm writing with. Huh, that's my weapon.
All right. Then you'll find Stevie in the back, and
that I said the managers usually in the back. Will
do you please walk me there? I'm not familiar with
this building, so I'm not going to cook all these
meals if i gotta walk. Thank you, Thank you. You're welcome, Tina.
I'm gonna right in your name on my clipboard really quick.
(04:01):
But what position do you hold? I am front of
the house also sometimes I'm back here, jack of all trades.
All right, I'm gonna need you to help me out
because either we're gonna lock this place down because not
another person is going to enter, or you will make
sure that everyone that is served from this point forward. Yes,
(04:24):
you're front of house, aren't you, Tina? Yeah? I didn't
know exactly. Yes, Tina, stay with This is a health inspection.
Do you have anything? Do you have any idea how
important my job is I keep people safe. You're so strong, Tina.
I don't want a single case of salmonil to happen
while I'm here. Jerry won't happen on my watch. I
(04:47):
swear to it's Jerry. It's show me to the boss's office.
It's just right down here. The Have you seen Raditui? Yes,
we're doing a theme day, a theme day. Rats, rats,
so many rats. Okay, don't joke, don't joke. Alright, alright, whoa.
(05:16):
My name is Jared. I'm from the city and I'm
the health inspector. You'll notice my badge. And what did
you say, Stevie? Stevie? Well, Stephen, I'm here to inspect Davie.
Please please, Steven is my dad, Stevie. I'm here to
inspect this building. There have been complaints of people getting ill,
and he put me in some sort of authority position.
(05:37):
I don't understand. I'm telling Tina, I told you either
we're going to lock these doors and not and not
let another person in, or you're personally gonna promise me
that no cases of salmonila will occur from this point. Dana,
Are you enjoying your salmon? It's a little dry and gray. Oh,
(05:58):
I'm sorry, baby, it's all right. I asked for more water.
The man said he had to go next door for it.
That's okay, okay, Hey, I want to tell you something.
These last four months have been spectacular, don't I know? It?
I mean, wow, I feel so close to you, and
(06:19):
everything I want to say sounds cliche, but I just
feel like I don't know we're connected somewhere. You just
spit it out, Ritchie. You know your any more water,
but off on the bucket of us. And if we
just give it some time, you will love sometimes just
leve in a moment. Thank you so much. Okay, go ahead,
go ahead, Richie, just say what you need to see. Well,
(06:41):
I uh, I wasn't on a work trip last week.
I actually flew to Alaska to meet your father. I
know you haven't spoken the name in a long time. Well, no,
he's a fur trapper. He doesn't have a phone. I
found him. How did you find him? I have my ways.
God gave you the hour. I really am your north star.
(07:03):
You are, and I asked your father if I could
have his blessing, really, and he spoke to you in
English speak. He didn't speak much, but you know with
hand signals, hand signals, and the way he he poured
the elks blood on my face. He poured elks blood
(07:25):
on I'm telling you I couldn't have asked for a
more perfect moment. I want to tell you a secret
right now, there have been six I count six men
who have tried this exact same thing and they have
never gotten the elks blood put all over them. I
feel lucky. I mean, that is my dad. I don't
want to alert you. But if anyone asks the delicious
(07:47):
and you have no cramps, thank you, sir. You understand
what I'm saying. Thank you. Think so her salmon was
gray and dent was perfectly bink. Stevie, I'm going to
give you two choices, Okay, I love it. Either I'm
going to go table to table and take a small
(08:09):
piece of everyone's meal, Okay, whatever the other choices because
I don't want that. I don't want to test it
with this salmonilla detector doorby, doorby, Or you are going
to be responsible for getting a selected piece of each
of those meals. Someone's going out there and I need
to get a sample of every meal on the floor. Stevie.
(08:30):
Oh man, oh man, that's a real Oh that's like
something out of Greek mythology. That was options. What are
you talking about? This is a health inspection or you're
not familiar, Stevie. I could up, but over here the
request from the health guy and we've got a bunch
of plates under the lights here before they go out.
(08:51):
Maybe he could sample something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a
good compromisemise the intercom button with my butt, Tina, come on,
come on, wait a minute. If you're here, like, who's waiting?
Don't tell me burrows waiting on tables right all the tables. O, no, no,
(09:12):
birls doing better. Well. I will start with taking samples
from the plates that are under the light, but I
will not leave until I have a sample from every
plate on the floor. Dana, finish your meal, Richie. There's
a two things, just eight fast because almost almost almost
on a tim for the second time. I mean, you
(09:33):
do a lot of eight eight? Don't sall my airings
caught in my hair? Dana? There's a ring that salmon?
What that's what he was trying to help me with.
(09:55):
I assume absolutely. So they're to ring and a tooth
in my salmon. Can you get done out? Yes, of course,
don't worry about it. Just so nosily sweating. I am sweating.
(10:16):
It's a little bit of thinking. It's just feeling, you
know what it is. You're overwhelmed. You're overwhelmed. Look at me.
Look at me days you here. Oh, I have a
tooth as well. You have a tooth in your drink? Yeah,
indaise your hollandaistes So okay, Jared, if it tastes this
(10:41):
dish right here, this is our salmon Ella, named after
the famous jazz singer Elephants Gerald u s. It's served
on a bed of uncooked rice with a sprig of parsley. Stevie,
I don't think that you've ever had health inspection. I'm
not gonna put this into my mouth. I'm gonna place
it into this vial and now I'm going to add
(11:03):
this liquid. And if it turns blue, oh, you're like
an alchemist, and exactly like an alchemist, and then I
think it's just a scientist. You're right, you're right, You're right.
It is more like unless it turns into gold, it's
all right, all right, Maybe I don't know what alchemy is. Okay,
this is it turned blue. There's salmonilla in this. It is.
(11:26):
It's it's it's that's the name of the dish. Nothing
but out. That's that's one point one point off the ground.
You're laying down. Just just we're gonna listen. I felt
like this before sunglasses on, and keep your from your
listen to. My father wasn't into it. I had a
(11:47):
lot of old fish in my time, and when I
get sick from old fish, the only thing I can
do is what I've always done, and that's lay on
the ground and put my nace in the air and
just stop by. I just she just need to constantly
need to concentrate the wind. He's my boyfriend. The wind
(12:08):
is my boyfriend. Your fiance, Richie, Oh gosh, sorry if
we kind of regress there for a moment. Whenever I
feel this ill, I usually call them my own Innuit
spirit animal, and when it comes to me, it tells
me everything, right, This is this is why I love her, Richie.
I have a confession. Yes, I wasn't on a business
(12:30):
trip either. Last week. What I went to northern Florida
to meet your mother. God she. I wanted to know
the woman who made this man that sits before me
spitting out teeth and handing me rings, and and she
taught me so much about how to make you happy.
(12:53):
And I just wanted you to know that it's the
first time I've ever done that for me. That means
a lot to me. The fact that you would wait
all day to visit my mom in the penitentiary. I did,
and she asked me for a lot of illegal things.
She does that. Look, I feel like you're dying. I'm
probably walking about all right. Let's see what kind of
(13:17):
fancy colors are famous molten lava cake turns when he
goes in your little test too. This is the tenth
straight blue vial, Stevie Tina. Nothing but brown, straight up brown.
It's blue. It is blue. This place is getting shut down.
I need you to can't shut down the shed house.
(13:37):
I'm a health inspector. Look at dispatch. Look at this clipboard?
Am I supposed to be impressed? Well, I'll give you
two choices, Stevie Tina. Well, okay, then I'm going to
walk out there and kick all of your customers out.
Oh good, we don't have to do it. Well, that
was the first choice. I was gonna let you save
face and say whatever you want and see you have
(13:58):
to close early. If I go out there, I'm going
to tell them that it's your shitty food that's making
I've been just front of the house. This is Stevie's place.
I've been here for seven months. I don't have a
lot at stake the way to throw me under the bus, Tina,
(14:24):
excuse me, excuse me. I'm a health inspector looking at
the app on her phone. I couldn't have done that.
I couldn't have gotten into her phone without her coat.
Oh you have open wounds on your hands, sir. I'm
you gonna look at me. Yes, sister, I'm here. I
love you, I love you, I love you, Martha to
the northern night. I want you want here. Folks were
(14:45):
having a good time. Yeah, ke happening right here at
the Yeah happy, you know. Just promise me, and if
I survived this, that every year we'll come back and
sit at this very same table at the ship house
(15:08):
and have the same dinner. Inspector, can you make that?
Can you grant that wish? Can you keep this place
open at least every day on this every year, in
this day we love the well. I'm going to have
to leave that up to Stevie. Stevie, you have two choices.
Number two. Yes, we'll do it. He's gonna He's gonna
(15:28):
be accountable for every day she's gone. Dana's dad. Shoot,
um wait? Is that? What is that? Undo the deal?
I don't think it does. Actually it does. If somebody dies, Stevie,
come up dying wish, dying wish. Yeah, but I'm gonna
have to report this death on even more important than
(15:48):
a regular wish on a dying wish. Regular wishes happen
every day, officer. Jared called the officer. I'm not feeling
myself like I wish that a plus for the rest
(16:09):
of time. Wow, you got all that. I feel personally
responsible if I leave this open, But those are dying wishes, Jared,
can we go over at last report that you did
from the ship hole? Um, I don't know if I've
got time, it's pretty close to the end of the day.
Maybe you should get it, just be a couple of minutes.
(16:31):
It seems here the place is getting an A plus.
There's a lot of information about how things went poorly,
and at the bottom here it says dying wish. It
should get an A plus for all time. And yeah,
and I kind of felt like it's a bell curve anywheries,
like it's all in person. You wrote down dying wish, Well,
I wrote it down because it happened, sir, Then you
(16:54):
think we should in fact give this place an A plus,
even though there's been uh seventeen violations. I don't know
that we really have a choice because of the dying
wish I wish. I've been led to believe that a
dying wish is by You've been led to believe this
by was some sort of governing bond. Well it was.
(17:16):
Let's just say it's by somebody that respects the authority
of an officer. Is this report mocking me in this office?
Is that what the inte? No? Absolutely not, I would
hear how long? This is my third year and I
have I don't see a dying wish on any of
your previous report. Well, how often do people make dying
wishes while you're health inspecting? Hopefully never? Never, exactly. Well,
(17:37):
now it's not never, alright, folks. If you look to
your right, you'll see our next stop on our Haunted
City tour. This used to be the Cincinnati ship House,
the most haunted restaurant in all of Cincinnati. Now you
can stop and take pictures here, and we're gonna take
a little walking tour on the way. And remember keep
your flashlights on and your headlights on, and make sure
you use the buddy system. Here we go step over
(17:59):
the ruble? Do we get the buddies? Just just you
should have brought a buddy with you, but if I'll
be your buddy. Perfect? Great, okay, you guys are now
if you step in here, please watch your step, watch
your step. There's a lot of rubble around. Please please
watch your step. Now. This is the scene where the
most people died ever from a single fish, one years ago.
(18:24):
Years ago, so that joke is actually okay, there's been
enough time passed between the horrible horrible day. I have
a question, Yes, sir, I was reading the brochure. Is
this true? It's still open? It opens its doors once
a year. It does open its doors once a year.
Everyone dies here. Yes, there is a haunted ball here
where your buddy. Your buddy is translucent. Why is my
(18:47):
buddy see through? Co defined you through? I think that's
Stephen Stevie. Please listen. You folks asked for a haunted
two or what did you expect? This is incredible? And
consider signing up for a frequent diners club. Well do
(19:09):
are you open one day? Are you alone? Or did
the did the patrons who did? Okay, well you know
you came alone, man, But are there other ghosts here.
The people who died here are Yeah. I mean we've
got front of house. We got back a house. You
know a lot of ghost rats. Oh here they come. Wow, Wow,
this is something special. You're welcome. You're welcome. Remember sign
(19:32):
up for our email list. Can we go to the
to the pizza joint that burned down? Absolutely, some comedian ghosts.
Some people say that in the old burned down pizza joint,
if you're really quiet, you can still hear the screen.
That'll be fun. Yeah, so make sure you take your
pictures here. No infrared cameras, and please don't ask any
of the dead people. He doesn't even show up on
(19:53):
the camera. No he doesn't. I'm gonna ask all this
ask you that you do not ask the ghosts any
questions about the metaphysical. Well, we don't want any answers.
My cheese. I ordered a cheese a medium. Dad. Come on,
that's Steven, Steven, your little ship. I only asked for
(20:15):
the cheese, but real stickler for for pink in the middle.
I would like it. Gray. Okay, Well I want to
go to the next place. Sure, absolutely, Just hap back
on the bus. I gotta get a new buddy. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's how you do that. You heard the man, that's
(20:38):
what's done. All right, we're gonna take you to m Yeah.
This is Uh, I'm not sure how to pronounce his name.
H e I l y heally highly Yeah, it's the
Ei that heally Okay, okay heally. Hey, guys love the podcast.
Can't tell you how wonderful my work days. Every Ones
(21:00):
are really happy that we're helping them through work and
uh work days of Ben. Y'all's amazing talent. I've seen
I haven't seen my sister and I came up with.
Frank and Jeffrey are the new ghost interns at Haunted House. Yeah,
at the Haunted House in Corporate, and have to be
trained by Will and Ben, who are showing up for
(21:21):
the ghost paycheck. At this point, they're just showing up
for the paycheck. They're not really hearts an in uh.
Will and Ben are the ghosts. Frank and Jeffrey are
the new ghost interns that are being shown around by
Will and Ben, who are just sort of phoning it in.
They're assigned a scarce sleepover of three kids playing with
a Weiji board whose parents are scientists and I thought
(21:44):
that skeptical despite the evidence where it depends to give
us too much information. Yeah, that's the same where they graduated.
That's good. Thanks to all the laughs, and I hope
the suggestion pans out. So we've got Frank and Jerry
our ghost Jeffrey, Frank, Jeffrey and Jeffrey I don't know
who Jerry is. Frank and Jeffrey are ghost in h
(22:07):
and Will and Ben are the ghost phoning and we're
giving them the tour and the training on how to
work at the Haunted House Incorporated. Take what you will?
Which one of these Ben? Which one's Will? I'm Ben?
Uh huh. I'm super excited to be a ghost intern.
(22:30):
And I was just hoping that you guys could show
to show us the ropes. But I have a few questions. Sure, yeah,
go ahead. Uh Well, first of all, I always thought
the ghost could go through buildings and the walls and things.
You know, we kind of do what we do, right,
So if I can't get through the wall, how do
I get into houses? Well? I usually go through the keyhole. Sure, well,
(22:54):
you need to have some sort of or you can
go underneath. If they don't have one of those, are
you can always to stand around and waiting from it
to open its window. That's realistically that most of the
time spent kind of time consuming. It's very you got
nothing but time now. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, Frank,
what do you think I'm still getting used to the
whole being dead thing? Yeah? Yeah, you gotta like that
(23:17):
you're not pooping, you're not eating. Yeah, yeah, I really
miss pooping, be honest with Yeah, we all do. But
that goes away. That goes away after time, remember you all?
You got his time now? So and why am I
hunting this particular place? Like I thought that i'd like
behind my wife or something. I mean, these kids are
just playing with the Wigi board. Why why don't we gonna? Okay,
(23:37):
so when kids play with Auiji board, it's kind of
like it's like you remember when you were kids, you
used to do prank calls, you know, So it's kind
of like that scenario, like they they kind they're kind
of just dial in numbers. Yeah, they don't really know
who they're calling or anything like that. But it's kind
of our job to, um, do we guide what what
(23:57):
do you say? We? No? No, no, we were like, yeah,
we could were good you're good. Usually they just guide
each other. Yeah. Usually they're just trying to show off.
And you know we put a little spoken to it.
Will I marry Brad Pitt? I can tell you that. No, Okay,
you ask a question. Um, okay, wait, lightly with your fingers.
(24:20):
If you push too hard, the ghosts aren't able to move.
It is true. Absolutely, that's true. Okay, Toya, We've got
to focus. Okay. If there are any spirits in this home,
that's scary. It's supposed to be scary. You don't want
to be scared, well, then let's not do this madness. No, no, no, no, no,
(24:43):
I want to be scared. Are you sure? Are you
a teenager or not? I'm a teenager. Are you sure
you're a teenager? Yes? Show Jessica. They're telling me to
show me. You're sorry, Toya, I just don't know what
you're up to. Okay, okay, let's scared. Want to be scared.
If there are any spirits and that's how how could
(25:09):
I have done that? You did that? That was over
that The diet coke is across the room. How could
I have done that? Okay? Show you okay, okay, okay,
all right, now a lot of new ghosts, new ghosts.
You see what I did there? Alright, I started small,
is what I did. Okay, you move, you move a
little something, you reach out, you move a little something
could be something could be explainable, you know, it could
(25:29):
do something at first that could be on the fence
skeptics from them. How is that explainable? Well, I mean,
you know, a skeptic. We'll try to talk them down,
you know, like someone will walk it. Oh my gosh,
you create a can't of coke moved and you know somebody?
Okay again, a could move whatever. You know, Like, it's
not like they're counting on them being related to stupid people,
right and children, So they're not probably going to be
(25:51):
believed by a lot of people. Always start small, is
my point. No, wait a minute, this girl is like
forty years younger than Brad Pitt. Like, that's not a
pro brit in any way. Right, it's not how we
supposed to make I'm still hung up on that it's
supposed to make that happen. No, you know we're not
genies were ghosts. Okay, alright, you're not buried in a
lamb there and wait, wait, wait, wait, what like Okay,
(26:17):
first like I guess you on the cheek, and then
you ask are you teenager? Are you not a teenager?
I'm a teenager. Accuse me on the cheek. I'm going
to do it. There he goes in this house. Make
your presence know right now, everybody take a floorboard, okay,
(26:39):
jump up and down on it. All right, all right,
I'm doing I'm not making any sound, all right, that
you did that? How could I have done that? How
can I move the floor? So what are you telling me?
What are you telling me? Oh my god? Oh my
ghost trail? Oh my god. Alright, alright, look, do not
appear well. Know what we got here is a classic
(27:01):
case of go stop, go okay. They're like, oh, we
want to see the ghosts, and then no, we don't
want to see the ghost. Oh we want to see
the ghost. Isn't that everyone's reaction? They do, and they don't. No,
we don't have to show ourselves to him right now.
We need to build up to that. And what I
would suggest, and this is not in the this is
not in the handle touch them, this is not in
the pamphlet. I go through some of this stuff and
(27:22):
find out their deepest fears. No, you want to go
for the deepest fears, the hearts blood, you know. Yeah,
just a teeny bit, just a teeny bill like here,
look at this look look at this diary. It says, all, MG,
do I love Puerto Rican men? Alright, alright, ready, so
(27:43):
this time I'm gonna ask completely. First, you have to
give me a town. Okay, I'm okay, Okay, I'm gonna
ask it a very specific question like I'm gonna like
ask to see if they actually know. We don't have
to tell me you're going. I'll hear what I hear it.
I don't want to be involve. Okay, but we started,
we did that thing. If there are like, let me
(28:06):
start it and then I'll point at you when at
your turn. Okay, I'm nod my head because my fingers
are on the Okay, is there a stare? It's in
this home? Let yourself be Now tell me who gravitas?
I want to know who I'm going to love forever?
(28:28):
Oh my god, it's movie. What's it smelling? Then you
want to take this one? All right? Hi? Got it? Okay?
What's spelling? Just spell free, spell free, It'll be funny
freak Okay, Oh my god, that's so sick. Oh yeah, yeah,
(28:51):
there it is. That's weird, se co je it just flipped.
Oh my gosh, a fritta fritage frita is fritae? Did
I move that? Do I look like I moved that?
(29:16):
I could never. I don't have to watch this, do No,
you don't have to watch it. But it's sort of
a character study. You need to know your your targets,
you need to know what you're up against. If I
could be honest, it just seems like they're in the
sex and they don't really care about the Well the
teenagers hormones are going bananas. But we're just what are
(29:37):
we doing? What are we doing here? Waiting for an
opportunity to strike, well, to strike deep within their anxiety
each other knowing that they're in the Puerto Rican man
doesn't help me scare them. Well, that was just an example.
This is my first training session. All right, let me
just say one thing. If we can just get one
of them to just have only one of their hands
(29:57):
on the thing at a time, then we can, you know,
pos see that person then murder the other murder teenagers.
That's what hold on. Ben's got a point here, listen
to a really quick way out of this. If you're
just getting bored, you can't take it anymore. As a
possession murders there, all right, you possessed one, you use
(30:18):
that one to murder the other? What is I think?
I think it's like it's like German for like, dude, Jesus,
they haven't got again, so lucky German things flip the last.
I just feel like, um, I just feel like you've
(30:39):
proven to me that you're kind of like a teenager
for sure. And I've kissed you and cheek, I've seen
your boobs and I saw your butthole. But I feel
like I don't I want to like see like your
spiritual side. So I like that you hear that. That's
our cute switching lights on and off real quick? Could
(31:00):
you do that? You do that? Did I do that? Yeah?
Look my hands were up myself. How could I have
done that? Okay? Okay, okay, okay. Then now put those
hands taken out of you, put him, put him on
the piece and ask a real question. So I guess
I really know you? Um okay, okay, in this house
(31:28):
all right now, what I'm gonna guys, try something really
easy out of the pamphlet, and it's called a vowel movement. Okay,
so you pick a vowel, a vowel, Yeah, you pick
a vowel right like an e I okay, I'm no.
You just let you You just kind of groan it out.
You just kind of grow Yeah. Yeah, it's like, how
I'll do one for you. Oh see, that's a vowel movement.
(31:52):
If my uncle Mike is here, please let him speak
to me through this board. This is your uncle, man?
What whoa? You threw in some confident an? Did you
know what I do that? How could I have even
done that? I don't know. That's too scary. I'm putting
my clothes back. This is your uncle. That is not
my uncle, Mike. You are not my uncle mine. You
(32:14):
make me a sandwich? Oh my god, he did love sandwiches.
Oh my god, you're getting that from the diary. How
did you get that? Look you're being a little specific.
You're gonna scare him off. Okay, I'd like to have
a story to tell, so keep him on the line
and let's real. Alright, alright, I'm out of here. If
this is Joya, If you leave, I swear to god, okay,
(32:37):
kiss my pip. Okay, okay, okay, Uncle Mike, if it's
really you, what what do you want to say to me?
I thought your clothes back on? Okay, run around the
circle three times? What is this leading to? I don't know.
Just run toy one and two, keep up three, Toya
(33:09):
and spelling your name backwards and jay either way? O?
What is this? And they really can't spell? They can't,
they can't. This is what I was afraid of. This
is what I was afraid of. You get too involved
in humans businesses and you realize that you just want
(33:32):
to be dead more. You know. You listen to people
talk about what they think they know? Am I right? Bend?
I don't know, shut up, and they just go on
and on. They don't want to hear what anybody else
has to say. They're listen to themselves. It's a teenagers,
I mean again, they just want to be with each other.
Why do we have to do this? Well, because that's
our job, right, Toya? Did you just think that sometimes
(33:55):
we do stupid stuff like momanness and we gi because
we want to have an excuse to bond without really
having to admit that there's no one we'd rather spend
our nights with my neck. I'm tryna on your neck.
(34:16):
I'm just near it. Yes, I like that, but I'm
also freaked out because I feel like your uncle Mike
is watching. Why don't we take out for clothes. You
land top of me, and we'll do light as a feather,
stiff as a board. Okay, that sounds normal. Okay, let's
do it, all right, everybody take a corner of this
bed and on three, okay, on three, I want to
lift this bad boy up and try to get it
(34:37):
up to your chest. Okay, and then when I say,
under ruse, we drop it on the ground. Are you ready?
If you even say, did I do that? I'm gonna
kiss you so hard your eyes trying to cross. Oh
(34:59):
my gosh, was that sex? This did not have the
expected effects that I thought it would. I think I
threw my back up. Is that possible? You walk it
off or floating off? Floating off? You'll be all right,
you'll be I think I'm gonna just to possess one
of these people and take the rest of their lives
for myself, all right. I think that's that's good, Ben,
I mean, that's a little advanced for a brand new
(35:19):
new bis here. But they should at least see it
so they see how it's done. I just can't be
a ghost anymore. You just want to be deep inside
one of these teenagers with the lack of any better
wave saying it. Yeah, yeah, if we're done here, I
was supposed to go to h R and get set
up with payrolls. Sure, sure, sure, yeah, we'll walk you
down there right after this. Go ahead, BENI but chance,
(35:45):
what was that? I just felt something go through me.
Come here, come here, kiss me? Yeah yeah, yeah, thank
you for sex. Welcome back, Ben. We missed you for
(36:10):
like nine seconds. That really badly. Yeah. I didn't expect
the possessed one would be the way killed. Goody, good eye,
that was actually not what was planned. Goody, you're not
really great. This terrible. But the point is is that
you knwbies have learned to be objectively critical of the situation.
You know what's right and what's wrong. Our job is done,
(36:31):
even though if we're being objective, it is not just
we're just observing, right right? Yeah, well that's that's about
of a ghost job. Yeah, girls, how did you sleep
overgoing gay? Great? You know what this is actually just
gotten more interesting. I want to see what this teenage
(36:53):
girl does with the body of a friend. And good
news he's going to be a ghost in about five minutes.
Do you need anything, No, we're all good. I want
some pizza rolls to always with the pizza rolls. That's me.
I'm Toya. Yes, um yeah, the doctor called, so we're
(37:16):
moving your appointing to two pm tomorrow. Okay, no worries. Oh,
you always have to go to the doctor. Shut up, Toya.
She's not even modulating her voice at all to change
the character. No teenagers, you know she's finding want to
give you guys your space. But I'll be right back
to the pizzros. But I have to come inside because
I need to go to the safe joyous hiding under
the bed. Find me? You can't find me? Can hear
(37:41):
you to? Okay, I'm gonna get pizza rolls up right back.
I'm gonna have to turn you into a puppet. I'm
so sorry. I think she's gonna weekend. Make your mouth move,
get the body on the bed. How do I make
her Toya kids instinct, just do this. Maybe we can
(38:05):
help her out and her body heard that from you
mean possessed the dead. We'll just move her, move her lips,
kind of like we did with the magic. Oh that's
a good idea. Never work. It doesn't look like a
puppet at all. Toy looks totally dead. Sit me up straight,
all right, movie, I'll help you out. You got this, Jeff,
(38:31):
where you got this? Got Toya? I'm cracking a beer
for this. This is fantastic. Okay, you don't sound like Toya.
Listen when my mom comes in, you just do the
moving of the mouth alpha in the words. Believe me.
I would have been triloquiz camp last year, the talk
and I did you got it? Okay, Pizza, I'm coming in.
(38:51):
Pizzas are so good. I don't get it. Tommy a Toya.
I'm into Borto Rican. I know you are. Who isn't? Thanks? Mom?
Now we want to have some girl time. Okay, wait,
I have to go to the safe. That's why I'm
in here. Oh, go to the safe in front of Toya.
You can't trust me as far as you're can throw me. Oh,
(39:13):
if you can say that, then I know I can
trust you. Take my wife, take my wife. I don't know,
I don't know. I don't know is she doing a
hammer glass route? Momum, I see what's going on here.
You two are young girls who are experimenting. Yeah, that's
(39:34):
all it is. Yeah, that's all it is, like science
experimency that this old timey voice toy has been doing
because she learned it. Event what's going on? You're just
being a teenager being a teenager? Are you both teenagers? Absolutely? Okay,
(39:55):
I'm going to the safe really quickly. One like, all pickle,
what I haven't heard. I'm legitimately uncomfortable for her. Yeah.
I was just about to say, pop quiz, pop quiz nobies.
So we got a dead teenager, stabbed by another teenager
and a mom in the room to get to the safe.
What do you do? How do you scare him? I
(40:18):
don't know, slap a teenager? Alright? Good good? Hey you too,
No rough housing, I'll tell that. Okay. I'm telling you
to both of you. Don't worry about it. We're gonna
be super good. Okay, and only this much experimentation, okay,
only little kisses, that's it, lady, okay too. Do I
(40:42):
have to call your parents? Call them? Come, mom's gotta
notice this dead something I don't know. Let him ride,
let it ride. I think we're gonna go straight to
debor for this, so I'm gonna have to ask you
to go home. I'm gonna call your parents unless you
can and straighten up and and just act normal for
(41:03):
a second, please, okay mm hmm. All right, now, does
everybody all these ghosts see you, guys? You guys feel
the electricity in the air, the apprehension, the anxiety, fear.
(41:25):
That's what gives us energy, all right, That's what gives
us ghost energy. It's just like the movie Monsters, inc.
That's how the ghost thing works. I understand. But the
kid is just being super creative and whatnot, and I
don't know that that's given me anything but anxiety. Well
you know what anxiety is power in our case, you know,
So just kind of use that to coalesce and stay
(41:46):
in one spot for yourself, you know. And uh, we'll
see how how this little kid figures this ship out,
because honestly, I gotta tell you all the kids I
scared of my three years, I've never seen a kid
that's a bigger asshole. All right, Well, I'm leaving you
(42:06):
too alone. Now. Finally I got what I needed to
keep my hands off. Now we're friends from the nineteen thirties.
Did you hear that I got what I needed? That
it is safe. Yes it's your father's gun. Yes it
is loaded, and yes there is no safety that shouldn't
concern either of you. There's just I heard some noises
(42:29):
in the house. I like the house was moving and
go a little scared. This is for our protection. Okay, okay, toyo,
do you know how to hold a gun? Hold? Just
very funny. Okay, I'm leaving into alone now, you know what.
I'll leave the gun right here because if somebody breaks in,
(42:51):
I don't care to kill me, but I want you
to be safe. Thanks. Okay, take the gun, the gun,
I shoot out the window. Get me the funk out
(43:16):
of here, alright, folks. The next stop on our Haunted
Mystery to Our is a photo recreation of Toya's Room. Now,
if any of you have ever seen the film Toya's
Room So Scary, you know how this thing ended. And
you can see here. Actually we have we have the
(43:37):
actual glass from the actual window reconstructed with the bullet
hole in it. Yeah. Yeah, some say you can still
hear the screams. I know, I say that about every
place on the tour. But I I do, I do.
But you know, thinking about scream, I haven't heard the
person with no partner keeps screaming. Lot of people listen.
(44:01):
I I bought. I brought verified psychics into this room
on tour before, and they can feel an energy here,
they really can. It's uh, it's malevolent, that's what they
tell me. So go ahead and take your pictures and
make sure that get me by the bed can get
me by the men, yeah, they said. And on the
day that this bed raised three feet off the ground
(44:22):
and dropped it right to the ground, they were just kids.
I'm sure that didn't happen. Well, it was in the movie.
It was in the movie. It was very sexual, very
very sexual, way out in front of stuff up the butts. Yeah,
a lot of a lot of a lot of hands themselves. True.
You know they say that before she died she could
(44:42):
put her hands up herself. Yeah, before she died, she died.
Let's get into that. I'm ready to go to the
next place. Sure, yeah, yeah, let's just make this shot
real quick before we move on to the next place. Though,
I just just to keep the spirits at rest. I
want to do a quick wage aboard session. Yes, of course,
(45:06):
fridge right like in the movie. Right Fridge it spells
fridge like in the movie. Okay, well we got this
one right. Yeah, we can do Oh yeah we can.
We can do this. This is just a tour group.
We can scare the ship out of them that they're
predisposed already believe in. Right, it's been worth waiting around
for this. He's right. Okay, So what is it that
(45:27):
we're asking the spirits? Well, uh, any question at all?
Does anybody have a question in mine for the spirits? Remember,
these are murderous spirits. Murderous spirit Well, that's should we
do it? Should we say that chance that they said
in the movie if spirits make themselves know, kill my
(45:52):
aunt your No. I hate my aunt Harriet, and I
would love if one of these evil spirits would kill it. Benjamin,
I do not speak about me like that group. He
Oh my gosh. Did an'tbody hear that sound like? It
sounded like a phone movement? A way? There it is,
(46:17):
that's what we've been training for. There it is, Cliff,
that's sounded kind of Hawaiian. That was all five vowels.
And also sometimes why I was there too. Yeah, my
name is Frank by the way. Frank, by the way,
is that Italian? Okay, all right, let's take our alcabus
(46:41):
for another fine day's work. First, so quick shoutout to
Ropire help. We're doing the sound design and God bless him.
Remember the days when he was in the room with us. Time,
really good times. Now he's a ghost. Now is the ghost?
Speaking of which, Joey Greer not here? Still here? Alright,
we'll go around James any Thank you so much for
(47:03):
participating in Thanks for activity, Thanks for letting me And
if anybody's interested, and they could check out Brief News
brief dot com. That's where you're gonna find twice a
week some comedy news. Beautiful and I should announce that
if anyone's in the greater Los Angeles area and wants
to see Alchemy. This performed live on stage the West
Side Comedy Theater has given a ten o'clock slot on
(47:25):
Wednesday March. Wednesday, March then ten pm the first live
on stage performance of the podcast of Alchemy. This. Yeah,
very excited about that. Vanessa Riving, what's going on? How
are you wait for Wednesday March sounds good? West Side
Comedy Theater. Other than that, life is just so good,
excellently We're all blessed and super blessed. Chris Alvarado. Life
(47:49):
isn't as good for me as it is for finness, right, Okay,
waking with this feeling and dread every morning. But I'm
working on that. But yeah, I'm really excited about this,
this live show. If you are in in Los Angeles,
it's in Santa Monica West Comedy Theater. Also always thinking,
because I'm always thinking about the police. One word that
keeps coming up every time they write us is the
word tedious. Uh they listen to us on their tedious
(48:11):
drive tedious. I don't know. I don't know. I'm just
throwing this out there. Even if one person does that,
this thing would be fun to maybe see a photo
of your tedious goings on with the hashtag tedious tedious
this out there, I don't know, figure it out. Yeah,
I'm just curious. I want to see you with these
What it means? Where are you listen, where it's landing,
and where it shows sitting in today? Mr Brad Norman, Hi, everybody,
(48:39):
Thanks for having me. You can hear me as the
voice of Bowlinkol Moose on the Adventures of Rock and
bowl Linkol on Amazon Prime. I'm also on Twitter at
Brad and Action Brand ad Action, Brad and Action and
as a Norman y Brad Norman arguably the two worst
names for a white person, just to put it further
(49:01):
out there that you're white. Yes, yeah, okay, I'm Kevin
Pollock and uh, I want to thank our injury also
had a great time. We didn't have time to get
to here, Craig. I think you know how we feel
about you and that we don't need to hear anything
from you. But if we did, what would it be?
Well if you want to see me playing such characters
(49:23):
as Arnold Rothstein, Richard M. Nixon and Adam West. Season
six of Drunk History is currently here. Fantastic and congratulations
on an amazing show. Not today, but that show. That
show Drunk History really doesn't bring it home for everyone. Uh,
Doug Bam engineer, so If Lichtman, our superstar producer, and
(49:47):
the I heart radio folks for allowing us, as always
these auspices and um again right to us your name
here this dot com. Tell everyone you've ever met please
to subscribe to the show. We're still only maybe three
months into this thing as a launching new podcast within
an ocean of over three thousand podcasts. And if you
like the show, we really really appreciate your support and
(50:10):
every which way that you can do that. So your
name here, Alchemy this dot com righte a review, subscribe,
Tell everyone you know if they enjoy improvised comedy that
Alchemy this is your personal favorite. I want to thank
you all very much here in the room. Thank you
each and every one of you. Thank you. We'll see
you next week. And uh, I don't know this felt
(50:32):
good without joy? Am I the only one? If we're
an agreement. He does drink his own? Is that true?
Let's see we've never seen it, but man, oh man,
we heard sorry. That is his catchphrase for some reason.
(50:56):
And please, we'd love to see some fan art of that.
I don't show me your tedious, show us your tedium
and move come up with a T shirt about Joey.
Thank you again on behalf of everyone until next time.
As always, welcome me. B
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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