April 15, 2021 • 46 mins
Ice cream shop vs. fro-yo shop
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. I'm your host, Kevin.
Paul gets that Kevin about No, I don't know what happened.
Maybe if you let me listen to the flowers every day,
like I asked, I would know. But I digress. Let's
meet a Rockey shower in no particular. Please say good
afternoon to chriss Off. The water dances better than wolves.
(00:25):
Do you think you're ready to teach me to surf?
H I actually think about that a lot, that how
it would be fun to bring a friend to the water.
But um, but then I think I'm not good enough.
So no. Doug Bam wrote no in the chat. By
the way, Well, I don't know if he's editorializing. I
(00:47):
thought you've been thinking about teaching Kevin a lot, just
teaching people how to surf in general, or just like
wanting to have fun with my friends. You bring me out.
But I think surfing is very hard. Very it looks
very hard, Like there's that one version, or it's like
a sunny Saturday afternoon and you're just splashing around the water,
or there's like what I usually do, which is like
(01:09):
seven am, freezing cold. The waves are too big for me.
You know, Yeah, I'm on the sand at that point
ordering you some lunch. Yea, thank you. But you know,
if you if you need lessons, and I want to say, everybody,
check out Doug bat hit him up. He gives lessons
all the time, so just hit hit him up. He
just wrote no again. Hey it's James Heeney, Johnny Jim.
(01:31):
What's the furthest you've driven? I mean in one sitting,
I mean I've driven a lot. I think the furthest
I've driven was from um Chicago to California one day off,
one day off, just stopped getting off, I stopped at
(01:53):
one hotel. Um. How many miles is that Chicago? It's
like it's like three thousand miles are close. That's several
days for most people, right, a couple of days, three
days usually for me too. It's on a rare occation.
You go quicker than that. And how much coffee are
we talking about consumed? At that point? You having to
switch over to other kind of energy drinks. I'm not
(02:15):
really paying attention. And they there's Craig Kaikowski with his
movie review corner kakaw Kevin. I just saw Kong versus
Godzilla and Coong Winds in the story of the film,
(02:43):
but as an actor gave a better performance the way
that you say yeah in the spelling exam. And then
there's Jackie de Ruth, a j J best part about
your spring so far. So I will be starting to
(03:03):
foster a puppy starting today and that is definitely the
best part of um my whole year so far. Can
you give us a little info the puppy. Is it
like a little collie or is it a hug? It's
a popcake, which means that it is a feral dog
(03:24):
from the Caribbean Islands, a mix, a super mixed breed.
They call him a supermutt. And they're usually street dogs
and they're called popcakes because they eat from the bottom
of the pan and the cakes on fading. Straight dogs.
I like straight dogs, but those are hot dogs. Um.
(03:46):
If you look up pot cakes, I think you're gonna
like what you see. And it sounds like as in
a boiling pot cake, as in a birthday cake. It's
exactly what I'm saying, so fresh cake. You go through
so many gigs. They actually have very resilient stomachs because
they are used to just eating whatever they can garment.
(04:07):
How old is this puppy? Three months? I cannot wait
to hear updates. Uh as the year progresses and you
stay alive, you know, we're fostering for a week to
see if it's the right fit. And this is you
know the sea. It looks like a like a dingo.
(04:31):
You guys are going good. Oh, terrifying listening and not watching.
James is holding up the most terrifying looking breeds of animals.
And it's hilarious. And of course it's your patron supporter.
You get to stop. That's a poke. Poke, kiss his
(04:55):
sweet puckered if you think him leaves, it's Joey Greer
jumper stomper. Tell everyone, and how often you still smoke
weed just so you can eat chocolate cake? I'm gonna
tell the first off, let me just say this, all right,
all right, let's just say that. Secondly, all right, what's
everyone doing. Everyone's out there just just like you know,
grow your own plants if it's legal in your state.
(05:17):
Grow the damn plant. It's so cheap. Just put it
outside like twenty ft tall. Whole name hasn gonna be
able to rip off some buds, you know what I mean?
May make make you know. Just do it, man, Wait,
let's do it, damn show. All of our scene suggestions gathered,
of course from your listener emails or from our patron
v i p s who do get priority to become
(05:40):
a patron supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content
and other perks like video of Joey's face. Head on
over to patuon dot com slash outemy this. If you
like to submit a scene suggestion by email, please right
to the podcast at your name here, alcove me this
dot com. That's your name here? See one comes Chance,
who wrote, hello you sweet sexy sons of bitches. It
(06:03):
has been too long and I'm taking a break from
studying to do this. So if I fail my class,
I will blame it on everyone who has ever been
on alchemy This anyway, I seen suggestions. This ice cream
shop competes with fro you shop across the street. Take
it easy, everyone, Chance, order up. Yeah, do you have
(06:24):
any public cooler now you don't have that kind of
flavor youth diet he is sure, thank you. We have
diet rainbow sherbet, we have diet uhcake pumper Nickels begel
to kind of bread. I want something to taste sing
(06:46):
publican and nickel. Okay, sure, I misunderstood. We do have
ice cream. I can put a couple of nickels in it. Come,
come Larry Diane in my office now, oh man, take
off your little paper hats. Take them off. Take them off.
(07:07):
You're not scooping. Well, if I take off my paper hat,
then I'm just gonna have to throw it away. And
you know that these are these are not multi use hats.
Have I alread you noticed that we don't have customers
in the store pretty much all day? Not really enjoy
talking to Diane playing Patty Cake, playing Patty Cake that
(07:31):
he actually, even though he was born in Vermont, he
actually grew up in North Dakota. I've actually never met
someone from North Dakota. Crazy bit of trivia. Huh. Actually
want to keep your drops? Yes? Alright, Yeah, I'm gonna
have to ask you both a level up, level up.
(07:53):
You feel like the words sabotage. I'm familiar with the
song how's that go? Okay, sabotage like that In North
Dakota they say sabotage. But then when I moved to Vermont, sabotage. Yeah,
here you idiots. Look across the street. You said that
(08:14):
line wrapped around that bro yo shop over her. It's
hard to miss. It's so, it's so, it's double tiered,
wrapped around. It's wrapped around. That would get confusing. God's
fucking line, dude, you know what I heard? Do you
know why this line so long? You know what your pants? Dude?
Come on, dude, stop man a right, I'm getting the
(08:34):
pants hammed, right, but I just every time, every time
I ask questions, it's always my god damn pants. Like
you know, I'm getting it fixed. Dragging in the mud
man looks cruise, Okay, funked up your carpet? My bad, dude,
you're bad. Yeah, you're back. Didn't hear about from my
mom for months? Line, I gotta go to the bathroom
(08:57):
across the street. Sorry, dude, if you leave, if you
lost your spot and I'm sorry, dude, come on, can
you hold my spot? Dude? Yeah, sure, I'll hold your spot,
no problem. You met you? What a jackass? Welcome to
scoops with a K and a Z. How can I
help you? I just gotta use a before I order anything.
(09:18):
I just need to use the bathroom really quick. Before
you order anything, Diane. Do we let people do that? Um?
I usually have to start dispensing the throyo before you. Hey,
you just said broo. All right, we sell ice kid
place across the street. Sorry, can I use the bathroom
(09:40):
really quick before I ordered my ice cream? She need flavor,
she needs to scoop the flavor first. Um. Okay, you're pissing.
You're pissing your pants right here. Okay, okay, okay, chipman,
Chip give them chip forgot chicks. I'll just hold I'll
(10:00):
hold the two scoops right here for you. Oh holy shi,
it didn't think anyone whatever coming into this bathroom. Man. Sorry,
Hold on, Bunny, this is where I'm lat man all right,
now hold you're in the living room. Man, Oh I'm
Staying's a throw rug man, Dan a man, you get
(10:30):
your get a car and you get a car. That
ship and rewind that man. We type all Oprah's old
sets and we put them on Where are we there?
We Yetah, Welcome to the funny Firm. I am Oprah.
(10:51):
You haven't taken care of a podcake? Tan Larry. Yeah,
don't look at him, don't look at don't look at her.
Don't look at her. Don't look at him, look at me.
Stop look at each other, Let on each other's him
look at me, Sorr. He just got deep eyes. I
mean it's hard like once I get in, it's gonna
(11:12):
come straight. You two are in love with each other. Sorry,
I can't play. I just said that. That's that's a fact.
That's a fact. And too, Diane, have you been eating?
Throw you from across the street? Yes, yes, yes, sorry?
Are you you're nervous? You're nervous parts when she's nervous? Larry, Larry,
(11:41):
have you had any thro you from across the street?
Have you had any of it? Sorry? Alright, alright, you
know what, lock up, let's let's take a break. I
want us to read to Mark cross the street and
see what's so good about that? What do you say? Ok?
(12:03):
I mean I can tell you what's good about Oh
darn me. I wanted to come into this confection establishment
and spend somewhere of seven thousand million dollars, but it
seems the ice cream shop is closed. Well that's just
how it is. Hey, Rummy, get away from that storefront there.
We've had it with your type. Keep walking. Oh you'll
(12:23):
never catch me, right, right, your aristocrat, We get it.
Keep walking. Everyone in my family is in bread. Excuse us,
excuse us. Coming through doesn't matter. If there's a line
we're cutting, we own the coming through. Excuse me. Okay, yeah,
(12:45):
I don't know. I mean maybe boyd nickels, but those
are too many nickels you could have got so outright
thrown away? Yeah, yeah, you know who I am? Uh nope?
Should I look real close? Are you Brad Pitt? Wow,
that's such a nice compliment. He's been he's being an asshole.
(13:09):
Are you here? Larry? Tell them all we work? Yeah, Larry,
tell me where you work? Well, it's right here in
my paper. Hats scoops, heard about Joe. Sorry, business ain't
(13:29):
so good? But can we move this along? I got
a line two stories high. I want I want a sample.
I want a sample of your popular flavor. Now, okay,
here you can I actually suggest, instead of the most
popular flavor, if you do a little mix of the
terror Root and the dul City. It's actually really good
to get. It's a surprising mix. It's not the most popular,
(13:50):
but it is. Try this. It's called popcake. Yeah, it's
it called pop That one's different. What do you think
that's the best review we've had. He's crying. Tastes like cake,
and it tastes like pop. We call it popping in
(14:11):
North Dakota. I moved to Vermont. It's soda. I can't
believe you guys got such a cool pattern here. This
is pretty sweet. How doout I go get you guys?
Through you from answers? Question? Man? Yeah, what was the
question place? It's so funny. Great, you're gonna scoop? Oh? No,
(14:41):
you want to scoop from here? I guess I could.
I want to scoop for me, not popping from the
yogurt place. I okay, okay, yeah, I don't know. I
only understand about every third word of face. I know
this is that we've just and this is probably a
lot to ask, but I kind of need a new
(15:02):
pair of pants. If one of you guys can give
me your pants, I'll go get a sprow you from
across the street. Maybe it's scoop for you from inside?
Oh Nex, Tom Cruise is on my couch. That's my set,
Larry Diane, thanks for him. Thanks for doing that with
(15:25):
me today. Here's the thing. It's also low and saturated
fat so for people like me who have high cholesterol.
It's just not kind of the only options. You love
ice cream but can't have all of that fat. It's
good and it's good for you. Yeah, it's good and
(15:45):
it's good for you. I was just gonna say, I
know that we're still on the clock, but can he
change his pants? Because mine's just far is so much,
so much? Um, I'm sorry, I just uh entered your
establishment with the health department. Is that guy's pants filler ship? Well,
(16:10):
I'm farting, so maybe you're smelling my farts because I'm
actually looking at the ship coming before he took the
conclusions he was about to change. But the family who
lives in the bathroom doesn't know. He's here's a family
that lives in our bathroom, and honestly, the dog that
lives there with them really likes to eat humans. So
have you ever heard of a dog? An Island dog?
(16:32):
Beryl Island dog? This is like a myth or something
or my Yeah, how about this? How about what you're
inspecting this? Why don't we give you a scoop? Huh?
What do you say? Were you going to finish the myth?
What the hell is going on? Look, I'll get the scoop.
I'll get the scoop only seen one. Oh why did
(16:56):
we turn into four year olds when anyone makes a
fart poop noise? That's embarrassing that I could be reduced
to rubble. I was really rooting for Larry Diana. They
were a cute couple. Scene too comes from Patron V
(17:17):
I P. Philip Russell or Phil. We know him as
Philip because that's the way I foolishly said it all
these years. It's Phil. He signs it Phil, he wrote,
I'm more than glad to be back. As you know,
the ads for podcasts are getting really bizarre these days.
I wonder, I wonder it took me this long to
(17:39):
submit a suggestion based on that fact. My scene suggestion
is the best Podcast ad Awards Night, Save it for
any Day, Phil And The nominations for Best line Reading
(17:59):
and a Podcast are Craig Kakowski for I shipped my
pants and the next thing I know, I shipped my pants.
There it is Chris Avarado for listen to this and
(18:22):
I stopped and I asked you to listen to this,
and James Heeney for my coffee is better My coffee
is better. Such a good ghost weight. And lastly, Joey
(18:45):
Greer for There's poop on your face? Yeah, well, there's
poop on your face? And the what was that an
ad for hold on? Hold on? Hold it? Hi, Chris,
I brought her here, Thank you, thank you. Listen, you're
(19:07):
skipping one of the best line reads that happened last year.
Oh my god, you're right, there is another one here.
Oh my mistake. Did Jackie doruthy? It was easy like
a Kanye West. I see it on them, I see
it on the teleprompter. I'm so sorry I didn't re
embarrass Jackie go get Yeah. Thanks, I'm so glad you
(19:28):
caught that. Chris, I'm so sorry, but we're gonna have
to remove your nomination. Do you mean I mean? What
do you mean? What I mean? You ran up there
and you stuff they awards there? What I mean? I
was crazy? You can't do that. I wanted it to
be hold on. Why can someone like Kanye West do that?
West do that? What? KNDy? What you what? West? Hey? Kanye? Hey, listen,
(19:54):
just want to before we record the album with some
of the guys in marketing had an idea that I well,
it took the short straw and I gotta run past you.
So hear me out if you wouldn't mind, Uh, Kanye waste?
What any think of that? Kanye waste? And uh puts
forward the message of don't waste things. Kanyete Okay, Kanye
(20:21):
Hey Hey Jackie Jackie Hey? Hey? Um wow? What a
what a ceremony? It was fun? Huh, it was fun.
It was a little it was a little embarrassing, but
it was fun. Why are you walking away from him?
Did you try to talk to you? I know, it's
just like I feel like we talked a lot today.
It's just that like, oh, there were repercutions for my
(20:43):
speaking up for you, and so it just seems, yeah,
they're gonna they actually want to remove my nomination and
they want to kick me out of the Podcasters Guild
of w That sucks. So I just wow, crazy Crazy
Awards ceremony Hug of All Podcasts. The five nominees for
(21:04):
Best Live Rating would be five members of the Alchemy
of this cast. It's crazy. That's so weird. Hey, Craig,
did you hear that? There? I'm they're thinking about kicking
me out at the Guild. I did I did hear that.
Where are you two going? I thought we're having a conversation. Look, man,
look tell them I'll do Adidas and then I'll do Nike.
It doesn't matter. Okay, but I gotta get what's your name?
(21:29):
He leading me? Hanging? Okay, what's your name? He said? Liam? Hanging?
What's that? Buddy? Hey? You know what dude, Liam? Here?
Take outs? Here? Is there some extra scoops? Just give
him out over there, you know, with all the other
crap to give us for free? So if free, that
what the flavor it is? But hey, Joey, can I
(21:49):
get twenty dollars? Can get? I don't know you when
you don't know Chris, we don't know you, James, you
can't look at me in the ice, say you don't.
You got kicked out of the p G A. Okay,
I don't want to get kicked out of the p
G A. I knew that there was a pretty big
(22:10):
podcast read line read that was missed from there, But
I didn't see anything. You jump up and say you
didn't remember Kevin's mind read Have you heard your Kanye West? Dude?
Have you heard? What do you mean? Look? I don't
want to get we're gonna do is we're gonna do this.
What I to know that all I know is if
(22:30):
I win any awards tonight, I'm shipping them home using
mail ship. Because with male ship, I shipped my shirt,
I shipped my shoes, and I even shipped my pants.
Like that's how good it is. Okay, Craig, Hi, sorry, um,
we're so happy again to have you here. I just if, um,
(22:51):
I could try one where when you say I shipped
my pants, you're actually he's sounding like you defecated in
them instead. If you catch my dress, so hit the
p harder bought pas Um, I think we're looking for
the I think if you swallow the pe a little bit,
(23:16):
he's not getting Yeah. I don't want to do a
line reading for you, so if I swallow the p,
it'll be ship. There we go. Let's try that when
you're ready. You want it to sound like ship my pants.
I didn't say that. I'd just like you to swallow
the peak. Hey, Jackie sort he's home, Yeah, he's he
(23:41):
would hate to be awake. That's just my fay are
totally normal, just okay. I was just wondering if I
haven't heard from you or the Gang or anybody if
and you want to do like a podcast like soon
(24:02):
we can start. I was thinking we gets our own podcast.
I just found it so weird like that you almost
wanted me to apologize to you, and I have not
you to apologize to me. But I certainly didn't want
to apologize to you. I knew that I was going
to win that award, so I didn't really give a
funk if they told me like whether I was nominated
or not. You know what I mean, that's just me
(24:24):
so like you coming to me for some do not
wake up my husband? You're not going to fuck you guys? Well, yeah,
I get a little caught inside here. I mean, this
is this is our little humble abode, but this is
(24:45):
your mention. Why didn't give me a caught dude? The
only a character? Okay, I don't want to talk to you. Okay,
you understand that. Do you get that yet? That very clear?
I feel start run Jesus Christ. I'm just cleaning again,
(25:05):
cleaning again. The other one book clubs and can you
record that set? I don't know if it's what once
you ond you get this indianis money, dude, It's insane.
You hired all these weird people to take care of
your house, and you can property. Okay, a lot of
(25:27):
them have where wild have zombie. I don't know you
is to throw me up. Hold on the second Christian,
there's some goblins here. Acknowledge some of them look like goblins. Okay,
I don't want to It's part of the aesthetic here,
man analogy because James, dude, you can't talk to us himself.
(25:49):
King Kong clamps, because when you need something strong, strong
enough to beat Godzilla in Godzilla versus Kong, then you're
gonna want a King Kong clamp. Oh my god, I
don't need to do I could pop my pussy, I
mean my pea. Sorry, I could want it. I could pop.
(26:10):
I'm very uncomfortable. I don't feel saying well, it just
kind of makes you know, we don't need to pay.
You could hear when you smile, you know, in a
voice where they could hear you smiling, like I think
they could hear me popping my pussy. So if you
need to do that, I could. I could just pop
my poppy or I could or I could, I just could.
(26:31):
Let's try and could we pucker? I could pucker? Yeah,
all right, let's try Greig. Look at you going for
a walk. I'm going for a walk. Okay, what's up?
What's up? Chris? What's up? I'm all like just walking
in you're walking? Yeah? Yeah? Oh yeah, Well how's everything
(26:57):
been going since? Not good? Not good? Not good? Not
gonna because you know how that Remember when I stood
up for checkinge? Yeah? I do remember that? And then
this is back. I got a number for Craig. I
just remember when I saw you coming? I got it.
(27:18):
I got it? Cool man? Uh, I gotta I gotta
record like ten new mail. I gotta I got a
new ad. I got a new ad. I gotta work
on two so I'll get you. Are you are you
familiar with um? Are you later? Alright? Hey? How are you? Hey?
(27:39):
Did you two friends just titch you? What my my
good friend left? I wouldn't say he ditched me? Did
he just call an uber like right when he saw you? Yeah,
that's what happened. Do you recognize my voice? Is that
why you're coming up to me? M hm? No? Um?
(28:03):
About like hello, what you want to do today? Is that?
What is that supposed to be? So? You know? Sorry?
Sorry my dog? Is that what kind of talk is
that that's a Caribbean dog. It's a fair all breathe anyway, Hey, um,
(28:29):
crazy question? Would I'll answer it? Yeah, it's a mythical beast. Hi.
My name is Jackie. This is my second week coming
two meetings. Jack Hi, Jackie. My popcake dog is now
(28:50):
seven months old. We'll only drink blood and we've all
been there. Shoots his teeth out of his mouth. I
seem to shoot just shoot them out and then regrows
them pretty quick. Yeah, like within minutes. Yeah. Yeah, people don't.
People don't really understand that these creatures as mythical as
(29:12):
they are. Also, we love Have you found all your
other house animals strained? Well? Um? To find them? Finding
to say that herd find them is different. Um. I
came across well, I tell us, how about we just
let her speak? How about that? Thank you? Thank you
(29:34):
so much. I feel like I can answer which again.
Know there's no interacting, just letters speak. Um. I came
across my other animals, body parts just scattered about. Hey,
Bob looks Um. We appreciate you running these meetings, but
(29:54):
you interrupted, you interrupted? Uh, Jackie and Chris, don't do this.
Don't do this Chris, I just feel like I stepped
in on your behalf ones and it fucking take me
Jackie for me, for me, I can speak up for
(30:14):
myself if I find it necessary. Kid, you're very small.
You're very small my body, and now you're going to
talk about my I didn't mean it like that. I
didn't mean it like that. I'm just Chris. I'm sorry.
We're gonna have to remove you from all kind of
group activities in general. What do you mean why because
I said Jackie had a small body. I didn't know
(30:35):
that you said that. Sadies, I know I have a SMA.
I know you can't even say that. Joey. I know
you wanted a complimentary body, but you can't. I just
a small sweater. Yeah. Scene three. Scene three. Scene three
(31:03):
comes from Barbarbara, who wrote, I've been listening since the beginning,
and I am always surprised by the direction the suggestions
take yes to a lot of the show. Scene suggestion
adults take over the playground equipment at a park. Barbara
just getting my wraps in. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me?
(31:28):
This is do you guys? Do you guys mind? I
brought my kids here for a play date. Are you
at mommy? Can we use the equipment? Just one secondary bars?
Are they my bitch? Oh my god, don't at least
use that language. Okay, these guys are they're working out?
(31:57):
Playground at that like this is a kid's place, Mommy.
Is he in pain? There's a lot of crying, you know,
he's he's working out. I don't mean talk about your
parents and ship, but your kids got a lot of
excess fat, but turning into must Oh my god, bitch, Barry.
(32:21):
You know what, Sometimes strangers are bad, dangerous, but when
you're with your mom you can trust something. Strangers make
him your bitch? Okay, this is you know what, Barry?
You know what, Barry. I think he's got a point
and you do kind of need to work out, and
maybe these can be some good role models to you. Yes, yes,
you play too many video games. Fortnite is not a sport. Okay,
(32:45):
how much money would it cost me to have you
to train my child to get some of that? You know?
He just take a pause. Let's talk about that, alright,
Zeke training a kid. Uh, there's two of us though.
Are you talking to yourself? Are you talking to me? No,
(33:07):
I'm conferring with you. I'm conferring with but also talking
to myself and talking to myself to it. Okay, I'm
gonna say so. Yeah, it's three bed too bad as
you saw. Um, it's I mean a lot of room
for improvement, you know, to fix her upper. I think
the price is right. Once you follow me over here. Yeah,
(33:29):
well we're used to just being in the toilet room,
so I mean, I think anything is gonna be good. Really,
you know. Okay, Well, m once you have a seat
on this swing, I'll sit on this swing and we
will discuss the next steps. All right. My partner's around
here somewhere, probably from behind nice, so if we can
(33:52):
get back to business here. You have a kitchen. It
has a kitchen and has a kitchen. Yeah? Is he one?
Is he one of those superheroes? Yeah? I believe it's
power of love. Man. I think he's able to love
people in a way that just I heard. I heard
Joey Greer hires people like that, beings like that, like
(34:16):
goblins and such goblins. That's the word I'm looking. Excuse me,
Is this real estate deal almost done? Because I want
to use the swings? Yeah, just County tannon will be
done backwards backwards. Yeah, that'd be cool. Okay, so that
your no, just put that twenty per cent. You know
(34:37):
what I mean? Are you prepared to put down payment?
I'll tell you what I mean. I came with all
the gold I had, so I'm down to do whatever
you know to one. Did I give you a poster in?
All right? Great, I'll think a look at your gold
and uh we'll move you in as soon as possible.
Hold on, buddy, I'm just gonna have you look at
(34:59):
my gold. Alright kid, this is precious family gold here.
All right Now, I'm minded for as long as I
can remember before Mike pap being Bam bamd Pappy did too.
Now this is everything I got. Don't get him gone.
Come out, have a sip of water. Have a sip
(35:21):
of water. All right? Up? They say some for the fish?
Is that serious to alright, Cad. You're gonna start by
going just across the monkey bars like a normal care
But eventually you're gonna get so pumped up like he
can meat, you're gonna be able to pull up infecially.
(35:42):
You're gonna get so pumped up because he could meat,
you'll be able to lift the monkey bars out the ground. Okay,
let me lift me up so I can grab the
monkey bars. Okay, okay, okay, So do I just go
for the next wonder? How do I just just just
let one with one arm let go? But then also
(36:02):
with that same arm dangling straight down from one? Hey, Tina,
look when I have Barry on my weekends, he keeps
talking about his uncle Zeke's and two people. It's uncle's Zeke's.
You bring him men into the house. I thought we
had a No, No, I wouldn't we make you don't.
(36:27):
He's just making up these uh, these fictional uncles. No.
They take him to the playground and that's where he's been.
I don't know if you've noticed, but Barry's getting what
we call cut. He do well, not what you call
because you don't work out. Okay, wait, okay, I can
work out as hard as anybody else. So you're telling
(36:50):
me what that there's some Zeke's. So there's a Zeke.
There's a couple of Seeks at the playground and they've
been working out and they're helping Barry getting No. No,
one needs to help bar you but his old man.
I'm gonna get down to that park and I'm gonna
take care of these zekes. This sucks. Man. The bar
is like no one's here at the goddamn bar. I
(37:10):
just see all the adults everyone, I know, all our
regular just going to the playgrounds. Do we gotta start
We gotta start marketing to kids. I don't know what,
I don't know what to say, but we gotta get
kids in this bar. I don't know what else to do. Look,
Diane and I got fired from our last job, and
you know, we we want to make this bar happen.
It feels like it's just a recurring thing in our
(37:30):
lives that whatever business we touched turns to ship. I
mean literally, yeah, truly, especially across ice cream, because we're
going to really we're gonna really blow up the joint
with that. Well, then you two are fired. Can we
be fired? If be technically we were just training for
a week. So Tally turns to ship, literal ship, And
(37:55):
I think when you just crap themselves, that's what he
does when he wasn't at least it was whatever, It
doesn't matter who would it z? Hey, what are you idiots?
Name Zeke? Yeah, both of us dumback what think you
(38:25):
don't learn your life with these fucking muscles. You mind
a person with muscles like these who's also named Zeke. Yeah,
and you're going to form a bond. Yeah, you're going
to form a bond. Alright. Look, this is my boy
right here. You guys know Barry getting shred it dude?
All right, leave him alone. I'll be a trainer from
(38:46):
now one. Okay, who then? Are you kidding me? Dude?
Fund up man? Yeah, you've got stripped like trapezoids. You're
a shrimp body man. You look like where he triesn't
even have them. Hey, hey kid, you want something to drink?
(39:10):
You like alcohol? I don't know. I've never had an alcohol. Um,
I'm just trying to drop up business for this bar place.
I've never been inside up there, beer wine, cocktails? What
are you telling? Really? You know, I'm his girlfriend, and
I think it's that he drinks. That's amazing, that's amazing.
(39:31):
I just kind of thought, I'm yeah, so crazy you out, Billy, Billy,
What are you doing? Billy? We're playing? Yeah, I think
I'm going to go into this place. These guys want
me to come into their holy ship. You too, I
haven't seen this bar this full ever, I mean, I've
(39:51):
never and her another round over here? Order on? You
got it? Can we get one of those benches you
don't want the excuse me, mr, excuse me? Do you
have a puke bucket or something? And you were on
the floor? Okay, buddy, okay, it's like the roadhouse grill
(40:14):
except hey, now look Dan, you're doing a good job
right with this bar. You all these kids here, here's
my here's my pitch to you. Okay, okay, start selling
them cocaine. Chris, I can't do that, Okay, I just
(40:36):
why can't I Just like, I'll let you live in
my back house for a little bit. You tore that up.
You're not coming into my business, all right. It's just
can I get a cup of water? Please? No? Man,
the fish excuse me, sir excuse me, sir h person.
(41:00):
I was going to ask him about the puke bucket?
Is there anyway to score some blue? Oh? Baby? Uh Jackie,
I just want to say thank you so much for
joining us before you get your pot cake puppy. Thank
(41:25):
you for having me on the day I get my
pot cake puppy too. Foster me. You know, have you
thought about some names like killer or mongrel, um juggler.
He's well, she's already named or Zoe, which I sure's
kind of cute. Yeah, like um little thing orzo So
(41:49):
we'll see. Do we think she got that name because
she rips out people's guts and turns them into like
a puffy pasta? Yeah? Probably, yeah, probably. Well, I can't
wait to hear more about I know, I can't wait
to thin. And congrats to you and your squirrel with
(42:13):
an umbrella, and Jamie added some zucchini. It's going great.
We don't know if it's the same squirrel or he's
told or she's told others. It's difficult. We're gonna start
tagging him, so I'll let you know. How about that? Awesome?
Thanks for having me. Oh please, Craig Atkowski, thank you
(42:35):
so much for being here. As always, my pleasure. That
that whole berry berry discussion remind me that in the
standard American accent berry berry and berry, i e. The name,
the food, and the verbs are all pronounced the same
the same way, like Mary, Mary and Mary, like Mary Christmas, Mary,
would you marry me? But in certain regional accents, like
(42:57):
in the Northeast, they will distinguish between all three of
these words. Also, the strawberry is not a berry, but
the banana is the bananas bay in a sentence as
a film, Uh look, I don't want a berry berry blueberry.
(43:22):
Murderer Win was the answer. I was looking for murder
Berry Win, not the hotel. Check it out. It's available
to stream Murray Murder Berry when the the indie film Craig. Yeah,
go back. Listen to the previous episode where I read
out the web back dress. I'm not gonna pull up again. No, no,
(43:44):
let people find google murder Berry Win. Yeah, thank you
for that. Joey Greer, you're welcome. Yeah cool. James Heeney,
I'm gonna actually repeat what I said on the previous episode.
It is really important because all of the people review
(44:05):
this podcast any which way they can alight it tunes preferred.
But this is the last week, whatever day it is
that you're listening to this, it's actually the last day
to make sure that you get your review in on time.
I mean, you could do it afterwards, but it's important
when they're like this after the fact. It's the last
day the case. But that's the truth. Yes, So go
(44:27):
in and review alchemy. This we need it. We appreciate
that very much. And for the record, that is in
fact not the truth. But we love James just truth.
Jackie Um, if you can mention me in the um
in your review, that would be awesome. Well, oh, I see,
because I had just tapped the off. Fine stars, but
(44:47):
I hadn't right. You can write and you don't, Jackie.
You don't owe him anything, you know, I feel like
I really drive him through the Yeah, Joey the funk
out of it. Let's thank you producer and engineer to
the stars, Mr Dougan and the fine folks that I
heart media who by the way, I have picked up
(45:10):
our option and this show will continue. We got it.
It wasn't the reviews they left right when we when
we said it. It was very very touch and go
until that last ask for reviews, and that was enough
to put us over the top. We've been extended. I
don't know for how long. That's up to you, the listener,
(45:31):
And it turns out our ad reads were a factor.
Be kind to each other. Please continue to wear a
mask until someone says otherwise. I don't know who that
someone is. They depending on who you listen to, Faucci,
your God, or your conscience or the news you watch.
(45:54):
Be kind to each other regardless, and thank you so
much for giving us a chance for your ears and
the time we take inside of them. And please tell
everyone you've ever met to also sample our wares. As
it were, was until next time, I'm your host, Kevin
Pollock saying
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. I'm your host, Kevin.
Paul gets that Kevin about No, I don't know what happened.
Maybe if you let me listen to the flowers every day,
like I asked, I would know. But I digress. Let's
meet a Rockey shower in no particular. Please say good
afternoon to chriss Off. The water dances better than wolves.
(00:25):
Do you think you're ready to teach me to surf?
H I actually think about that a lot, that how
it would be fun to bring a friend to the water.
But um, but then I think I'm not good enough.
So no. Doug Bam wrote no in the chat. By
the way, Well, I don't know if he's editorializing. I
(00:47):
thought you've been thinking about teaching Kevin a lot, just
teaching people how to surf in general, or just like
wanting to have fun with my friends. You bring me out.
But I think surfing is very hard. Very it looks
very hard, Like there's that one version, or it's like
a sunny Saturday afternoon and you're just splashing around the water,
or there's like what I usually do, which is like
(01:09):
seven am, freezing cold. The waves are too big for me.
You know, Yeah, I'm on the sand at that point
ordering you some lunch. Yea, thank you. But you know,
if you if you need lessons, and I want to say, everybody,
check out Doug bat hit him up. He gives lessons
all the time, so just hit hit him up. He
just wrote no again. Hey it's James Heeney, Johnny Jim.
(01:31):
What's the furthest you've driven? I mean in one sitting,
I mean I've driven a lot. I think the furthest
I've driven was from um Chicago to California one day off,
one day off, just stopped getting off, I stopped at
(01:53):
one hotel. Um. How many miles is that Chicago? It's
like it's like three thousand miles are close. That's several
days for most people, right, a couple of days, three
days usually for me too. It's on a rare occation.
You go quicker than that. And how much coffee are
we talking about consumed? At that point? You having to
switch over to other kind of energy drinks. I'm not
(02:15):
really paying attention. And they there's Craig Kaikowski with his
movie review corner kakaw Kevin. I just saw Kong versus
Godzilla and Coong Winds in the story of the film,
(02:43):
but as an actor gave a better performance the way
that you say yeah in the spelling exam. And then
there's Jackie de Ruth, a j J best part about
your spring so far. So I will be starting to
(03:03):
foster a puppy starting today and that is definitely the
best part of um my whole year so far. Can
you give us a little info the puppy. Is it
like a little collie or is it a hug? It's
a popcake, which means that it is a feral dog
(03:24):
from the Caribbean Islands, a mix, a super mixed breed.
They call him a supermutt. And they're usually street dogs
and they're called popcakes because they eat from the bottom
of the pan and the cakes on fading. Straight dogs.
I like straight dogs, but those are hot dogs. Um.
(03:46):
If you look up pot cakes, I think you're gonna
like what you see. And it sounds like as in
a boiling pot cake, as in a birthday cake. It's
exactly what I'm saying, so fresh cake. You go through
so many gigs. They actually have very resilient stomachs because
they are used to just eating whatever they can garment.
(04:07):
How old is this puppy? Three months? I cannot wait
to hear updates. Uh as the year progresses and you
stay alive, you know, we're fostering for a week to
see if it's the right fit. And this is you
know the sea. It looks like a like a dingo.
(04:31):
You guys are going good. Oh, terrifying listening and not watching.
James is holding up the most terrifying looking breeds of animals.
And it's hilarious. And of course it's your patron supporter.
You get to stop. That's a poke. Poke, kiss his
(04:55):
sweet puckered if you think him leaves, it's Joey Greer
jumper stomper. Tell everyone, and how often you still smoke
weed just so you can eat chocolate cake? I'm gonna
tell the first off, let me just say this, all right,
all right, let's just say that. Secondly, all right, what's
everyone doing. Everyone's out there just just like you know,
grow your own plants if it's legal in your state.
(05:17):
Grow the damn plant. It's so cheap. Just put it
outside like twenty ft tall. Whole name hasn gonna be
able to rip off some buds, you know what I mean?
May make make you know. Just do it, man, Wait,
let's do it, damn show. All of our scene suggestions gathered,
of course from your listener emails or from our patron
v i p s who do get priority to become
(05:40):
a patron supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content
and other perks like video of Joey's face. Head on
over to patuon dot com slash outemy this. If you
like to submit a scene suggestion by email, please right
to the podcast at your name here, alcove me this
dot com. That's your name here? See one comes Chance,
who wrote, hello you sweet sexy sons of bitches. It
(06:03):
has been too long and I'm taking a break from
studying to do this. So if I fail my class,
I will blame it on everyone who has ever been
on alchemy This anyway, I seen suggestions. This ice cream
shop competes with fro you shop across the street. Take
it easy, everyone, Chance, order up. Yeah, do you have
(06:24):
any public cooler now you don't have that kind of
flavor youth diet he is sure, thank you. We have
diet rainbow sherbet, we have diet uhcake pumper Nickels begel
to kind of bread. I want something to taste sing
(06:46):
publican and nickel. Okay, sure, I misunderstood. We do have
ice cream. I can put a couple of nickels in it. Come,
come Larry Diane in my office now, oh man, take
off your little paper hats. Take them off. Take them off.
(07:07):
You're not scooping. Well, if I take off my paper hat,
then I'm just gonna have to throw it away. And
you know that these are these are not multi use hats.
Have I alread you noticed that we don't have customers
in the store pretty much all day? Not really enjoy
talking to Diane playing Patty Cake, playing Patty Cake that
(07:31):
he actually, even though he was born in Vermont, he
actually grew up in North Dakota. I've actually never met
someone from North Dakota. Crazy bit of trivia. Huh. Actually
want to keep your drops? Yes? Alright, Yeah, I'm gonna
have to ask you both a level up, level up.
(07:53):
You feel like the words sabotage. I'm familiar with the
song how's that go? Okay, sabotage like that In North
Dakota they say sabotage. But then when I moved to Vermont, sabotage. Yeah,
here you idiots. Look across the street. You said that
(08:14):
line wrapped around that bro yo shop over her. It's
hard to miss. It's so, it's so, it's double tiered,
wrapped around. It's wrapped around. That would get confusing. God's
fucking line, dude, you know what I heard? Do you
know why this line so long? You know what your pants? Dude?
Come on, dude, stop man a right, I'm getting the
(08:34):
pants hammed, right, but I just every time, every time
I ask questions, it's always my god damn pants. Like
you know, I'm getting it fixed. Dragging in the mud
man looks cruise, Okay, funked up your carpet? My bad, dude,
you're bad. Yeah, you're back. Didn't hear about from my
mom for months? Line, I gotta go to the bathroom
(08:57):
across the street. Sorry, dude, if you leave, if you
lost your spot and I'm sorry, dude, come on, can
you hold my spot? Dude? Yeah, sure, I'll hold your spot,
no problem. You met you? What a jackass? Welcome to
scoops with a K and a Z. How can I
help you? I just gotta use a before I order anything.
(09:18):
I just need to use the bathroom really quick. Before
you order anything, Diane. Do we let people do that? Um?
I usually have to start dispensing the throyo before you. Hey,
you just said broo. All right, we sell ice kid
place across the street. Sorry, can I use the bathroom
(09:40):
really quick before I ordered my ice cream? She need flavor,
she needs to scoop the flavor first. Um. Okay, you're pissing.
You're pissing your pants right here. Okay, okay, okay, chipman,
Chip give them chip forgot chicks. I'll just hold I'll
(10:00):
hold the two scoops right here for you. Oh holy shi,
it didn't think anyone whatever coming into this bathroom. Man. Sorry,
Hold on, Bunny, this is where I'm lat man all right,
now hold you're in the living room. Man, Oh I'm
Staying's a throw rug man, Dan a man, you get
(10:30):
your get a car and you get a car. That
ship and rewind that man. We type all Oprah's old
sets and we put them on Where are we there?
We Yetah, Welcome to the funny Firm. I am Oprah.
(10:51):
You haven't taken care of a podcake? Tan Larry. Yeah,
don't look at him, don't look at don't look at her.
Don't look at her. Don't look at him, look at me.
Stop look at each other, Let on each other's him
look at me, Sorr. He just got deep eyes. I
mean it's hard like once I get in, it's gonna
(11:12):
come straight. You two are in love with each other. Sorry,
I can't play. I just said that. That's that's a fact.
That's a fact. And too, Diane, have you been eating?
Throw you from across the street? Yes, yes, yes, sorry?
Are you you're nervous? You're nervous parts when she's nervous? Larry, Larry,
(11:41):
have you had any thro you from across the street?
Have you had any of it? Sorry? Alright, alright, you
know what, lock up, let's let's take a break. I
want us to read to Mark cross the street and
see what's so good about that? What do you say? Ok?
(12:03):
I mean I can tell you what's good about Oh
darn me. I wanted to come into this confection establishment
and spend somewhere of seven thousand million dollars, but it
seems the ice cream shop is closed. Well that's just
how it is. Hey, Rummy, get away from that storefront there.
We've had it with your type. Keep walking. Oh you'll
(12:23):
never catch me, right, right, your aristocrat, We get it.
Keep walking. Everyone in my family is in bread. Excuse us,
excuse us. Coming through doesn't matter. If there's a line
we're cutting, we own the coming through. Excuse me. Okay, yeah,
(12:45):
I don't know. I mean maybe boyd nickels, but those
are too many nickels you could have got so outright
thrown away? Yeah, yeah, you know who I am? Uh nope?
Should I look real close? Are you Brad Pitt? Wow,
that's such a nice compliment. He's been he's being an asshole.
(13:09):
Are you here? Larry? Tell them all we work? Yeah, Larry,
tell me where you work? Well, it's right here in
my paper. Hats scoops, heard about Joe. Sorry, business ain't
(13:29):
so good? But can we move this along? I got
a line two stories high. I want I want a sample.
I want a sample of your popular flavor. Now, okay,
here you can I actually suggest, instead of the most
popular flavor, if you do a little mix of the
terror Root and the dul City. It's actually really good
to get. It's a surprising mix. It's not the most popular,
(13:50):
but it is. Try this. It's called popcake. Yeah, it's
it called pop That one's different. What do you think
that's the best review we've had. He's crying. Tastes like cake,
and it tastes like pop. We call it popping in
(14:11):
North Dakota. I moved to Vermont. It's soda. I can't
believe you guys got such a cool pattern here. This
is pretty sweet. How doout I go get you guys?
Through you from answers? Question? Man? Yeah, what was the
question place? It's so funny. Great, you're gonna scoop? Oh? No,
(14:41):
you want to scoop from here? I guess I could.
I want to scoop for me, not popping from the
yogurt place. I okay, okay, yeah, I don't know. I
only understand about every third word of face. I know
this is that we've just and this is probably a
lot to ask, but I kind of need a new
(15:02):
pair of pants. If one of you guys can give
me your pants, I'll go get a sprow you from
across the street. Maybe it's scoop for you from inside?
Oh Nex, Tom Cruise is on my couch. That's my set,
Larry Diane, thanks for him. Thanks for doing that with
(15:25):
me today. Here's the thing. It's also low and saturated
fat so for people like me who have high cholesterol.
It's just not kind of the only options. You love
ice cream but can't have all of that fat. It's
good and it's good for you. Yeah, it's good and
(15:45):
it's good for you. I was just gonna say, I
know that we're still on the clock, but can he
change his pants? Because mine's just far is so much,
so much? Um, I'm sorry, I just uh entered your
establishment with the health department. Is that guy's pants filler ship? Well,
(16:10):
I'm farting, so maybe you're smelling my farts because I'm
actually looking at the ship coming before he took the
conclusions he was about to change. But the family who
lives in the bathroom doesn't know. He's here's a family
that lives in our bathroom, and honestly, the dog that
lives there with them really likes to eat humans. So
have you ever heard of a dog? An Island dog?
(16:32):
Beryl Island dog? This is like a myth or something
or my Yeah, how about this? How about what you're
inspecting this? Why don't we give you a scoop? Huh?
What do you say? Were you going to finish the myth?
What the hell is going on? Look, I'll get the scoop.
I'll get the scoop only seen one. Oh why did
(16:56):
we turn into four year olds when anyone makes a
fart poop noise? That's embarrassing that I could be reduced
to rubble. I was really rooting for Larry Diana. They
were a cute couple. Scene too comes from Patron V
(17:17):
I P. Philip Russell or Phil. We know him as
Philip because that's the way I foolishly said it all
these years. It's Phil. He signs it Phil, he wrote,
I'm more than glad to be back. As you know,
the ads for podcasts are getting really bizarre these days.
I wonder, I wonder it took me this long to
(17:39):
submit a suggestion based on that fact. My scene suggestion
is the best Podcast ad Awards Night, Save it for
any Day, Phil And The nominations for Best line Reading
(17:59):
and a Podcast are Craig Kakowski for I shipped my
pants and the next thing I know, I shipped my pants.
There it is Chris Avarado for listen to this and
(18:22):
I stopped and I asked you to listen to this,
and James Heeney for my coffee is better My coffee
is better. Such a good ghost weight. And lastly, Joey
(18:45):
Greer for There's poop on your face? Yeah, well, there's
poop on your face? And the what was that an
ad for hold on? Hold on? Hold it? Hi, Chris,
I brought her here, Thank you, thank you. Listen, you're
(19:07):
skipping one of the best line reads that happened last year.
Oh my god, you're right, there is another one here.
Oh my mistake. Did Jackie doruthy? It was easy like
a Kanye West. I see it on them, I see
it on the teleprompter. I'm so sorry I didn't re
embarrass Jackie go get Yeah. Thanks, I'm so glad you
(19:28):
caught that. Chris, I'm so sorry, but we're gonna have
to remove your nomination. Do you mean I mean? What
do you mean? What I mean? You ran up there
and you stuff they awards there? What I mean? I
was crazy? You can't do that. I wanted it to
be hold on. Why can someone like Kanye West do that?
West do that? What? KNDy? What you what? West? Hey? Kanye? Hey, listen,
(19:54):
just want to before we record the album with some
of the guys in marketing had an idea that I well,
it took the short straw and I gotta run past you.
So hear me out if you wouldn't mind, Uh, Kanye waste?
What any think of that? Kanye waste? And uh puts
forward the message of don't waste things. Kanyete Okay, Kanye
(20:21):
Hey Hey Jackie Jackie Hey? Hey? Um wow? What a
what a ceremony? It was fun? Huh, it was fun.
It was a little it was a little embarrassing, but
it was fun. Why are you walking away from him?
Did you try to talk to you? I know, it's
just like I feel like we talked a lot today.
It's just that like, oh, there were repercutions for my
(20:43):
speaking up for you, and so it just seems, yeah,
they're gonna they actually want to remove my nomination and
they want to kick me out of the Podcasters Guild
of w That sucks. So I just wow, crazy Crazy
Awards ceremony Hug of All Podcasts. The five nominees for
(21:04):
Best Live Rating would be five members of the Alchemy
of this cast. It's crazy. That's so weird. Hey, Craig,
did you hear that? There? I'm they're thinking about kicking
me out at the Guild. I did I did hear that.
Where are you two going? I thought we're having a conversation. Look, man,
look tell them I'll do Adidas and then I'll do Nike.
It doesn't matter. Okay, but I gotta get what's your name?
(21:29):
He leading me? Hanging? Okay, what's your name? He said? Liam? Hanging?
What's that? Buddy? Hey? You know what dude, Liam? Here?
Take outs? Here? Is there some extra scoops? Just give
him out over there, you know, with all the other
crap to give us for free? So if free, that
what the flavor it is? But hey, Joey, can I
(21:49):
get twenty dollars? Can get? I don't know you when
you don't know Chris, we don't know you, James, you
can't look at me in the ice, say you don't.
You got kicked out of the p G A. Okay,
I don't want to get kicked out of the p
G A. I knew that there was a pretty big
(22:10):
podcast read line read that was missed from there, But
I didn't see anything. You jump up and say you
didn't remember Kevin's mind read Have you heard your Kanye West? Dude?
Have you heard? What do you mean? Look? I don't
want to get we're gonna do is we're gonna do this.
What I to know that all I know is if
(22:30):
I win any awards tonight, I'm shipping them home using
mail ship. Because with male ship, I shipped my shirt,
I shipped my shoes, and I even shipped my pants.
Like that's how good it is. Okay, Craig, Hi, sorry, um,
we're so happy again to have you here. I just if, um,
(22:51):
I could try one where when you say I shipped
my pants, you're actually he's sounding like you defecated in
them instead. If you catch my dress, so hit the
p harder bought pas Um, I think we're looking for
the I think if you swallow the pe a little bit,
(23:16):
he's not getting Yeah. I don't want to do a
line reading for you, so if I swallow the p,
it'll be ship. There we go. Let's try that when
you're ready. You want it to sound like ship my pants.
I didn't say that. I'd just like you to swallow
the peak. Hey, Jackie sort he's home, Yeah, he's he
(23:41):
would hate to be awake. That's just my fay are
totally normal, just okay. I was just wondering if I
haven't heard from you or the Gang or anybody if
and you want to do like a podcast like soon
(24:02):
we can start. I was thinking we gets our own podcast.
I just found it so weird like that you almost
wanted me to apologize to you, and I have not
you to apologize to me. But I certainly didn't want
to apologize to you. I knew that I was going
to win that award, so I didn't really give a
funk if they told me like whether I was nominated
or not. You know what I mean, that's just me
(24:24):
so like you coming to me for some do not
wake up my husband? You're not going to fuck you guys? Well, yeah,
I get a little caught inside here. I mean, this
is this is our little humble abode, but this is
(24:45):
your mention. Why didn't give me a caught dude? The
only a character? Okay, I don't want to talk to you. Okay,
you understand that. Do you get that yet? That very clear?
I feel start run Jesus Christ. I'm just cleaning again,
(25:05):
cleaning again. The other one book clubs and can you
record that set? I don't know if it's what once
you ond you get this indianis money, dude, It's insane.
You hired all these weird people to take care of
your house, and you can property. Okay, a lot of
(25:27):
them have where wild have zombie. I don't know you
is to throw me up. Hold on the second Christian,
there's some goblins here. Acknowledge some of them look like goblins. Okay,
I don't want to It's part of the aesthetic here,
man analogy because James, dude, you can't talk to us himself.
(25:49):
King Kong clamps, because when you need something strong, strong
enough to beat Godzilla in Godzilla versus Kong, then you're
gonna want a King Kong clamp. Oh my god, I
don't need to do I could pop my pussy, I
mean my pea. Sorry, I could want it. I could pop.
(26:10):
I'm very uncomfortable. I don't feel saying well, it just
kind of makes you know, we don't need to pay.
You could hear when you smile, you know, in a
voice where they could hear you smiling, like I think
they could hear me popping my pussy. So if you
need to do that, I could. I could just pop
my poppy or I could or I could, I just could.
(26:31):
Let's try and could we pucker? I could pucker? Yeah,
all right, let's try Greig. Look at you going for
a walk. I'm going for a walk. Okay, what's up?
What's up? Chris? What's up? I'm all like just walking
in you're walking? Yeah? Yeah? Oh yeah, Well how's everything
(26:57):
been going since? Not good? Not good? Not good? Not
gonna because you know how that Remember when I stood
up for checkinge? Yeah? I do remember that? And then
this is back. I got a number for Craig. I
just remember when I saw you coming? I got it.
(27:18):
I got it? Cool man? Uh, I gotta I gotta
record like ten new mail. I gotta I got a
new ad. I got a new ad. I gotta work
on two so I'll get you. Are you are you
familiar with um? Are you later? Alright? Hey? How are you? Hey?
(27:39):
Did you two friends just titch you? What my my
good friend left? I wouldn't say he ditched me? Did
he just call an uber like right when he saw you? Yeah,
that's what happened. Do you recognize my voice? Is that
why you're coming up to me? M hm? No? Um?
(28:03):
About like hello, what you want to do today? Is that?
What is that supposed to be? So? You know? Sorry?
Sorry my dog? Is that what kind of talk is
that that's a Caribbean dog. It's a fair all breathe anyway, Hey, um,
(28:29):
crazy question? Would I'll answer it? Yeah, it's a mythical beast. Hi.
My name is Jackie. This is my second week coming
two meetings. Jack Hi, Jackie. My popcake dog is now
(28:50):
seven months old. We'll only drink blood and we've all
been there. Shoots his teeth out of his mouth. I
seem to shoot just shoot them out and then regrows
them pretty quick. Yeah, like within minutes. Yeah. Yeah, people don't.
People don't really understand that these creatures as mythical as
(29:12):
they are. Also, we love Have you found all your
other house animals strained? Well? Um? To find them? Finding
to say that herd find them is different. Um. I
came across well, I tell us, how about we just
let her speak? How about that? Thank you? Thank you
(29:34):
so much. I feel like I can answer which again.
Know there's no interacting, just letters speak. Um. I came
across my other animals, body parts just scattered about. Hey,
Bob looks Um. We appreciate you running these meetings, but
(29:54):
you interrupted, you interrupted? Uh, Jackie and Chris, don't do this.
Don't do this Chris, I just feel like I stepped
in on your behalf ones and it fucking take me
Jackie for me, for me, I can speak up for
(30:14):
myself if I find it necessary. Kid, you're very small.
You're very small my body, and now you're going to
talk about my I didn't mean it like that. I
didn't mean it like that. I'm just Chris. I'm sorry.
We're gonna have to remove you from all kind of
group activities in general. What do you mean why because
I said Jackie had a small body. I didn't know
(30:35):
that you said that. Sadies, I know I have a SMA.
I know you can't even say that. Joey. I know
you wanted a complimentary body, but you can't. I just
a small sweater. Yeah. Scene three. Scene three. Scene three
(31:03):
comes from Barbarbara, who wrote, I've been listening since the beginning,
and I am always surprised by the direction the suggestions
take yes to a lot of the show. Scene suggestion
adults take over the playground equipment at a park. Barbara
just getting my wraps in. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me?
(31:28):
This is do you guys? Do you guys mind? I
brought my kids here for a play date. Are you
at mommy? Can we use the equipment? Just one secondary bars?
Are they my bitch? Oh my god, don't at least
use that language. Okay, these guys are they're working out?
(31:57):
Playground at that like this is a kid's place, Mommy.
Is he in pain? There's a lot of crying, you know,
he's he's working out. I don't mean talk about your
parents and ship, but your kids got a lot of
excess fat, but turning into must Oh my god, bitch, Barry.
(32:21):
You know what, Sometimes strangers are bad, dangerous, but when
you're with your mom you can trust something. Strangers make
him your bitch? Okay, this is you know what, Barry?
You know what, Barry. I think he's got a point
and you do kind of need to work out, and
maybe these can be some good role models to you. Yes, yes,
you play too many video games. Fortnite is not a sport. Okay,
(32:45):
how much money would it cost me to have you
to train my child to get some of that? You know?
He just take a pause. Let's talk about that, alright,
Zeke training a kid. Uh, there's two of us though.
Are you talking to yourself? Are you talking to me? No,
(33:07):
I'm conferring with you. I'm conferring with but also talking
to myself and talking to myself to it. Okay, I'm
gonna say so. Yeah, it's three bed too bad as
you saw. Um, it's I mean a lot of room
for improvement, you know, to fix her upper. I think
the price is right. Once you follow me over here. Yeah,
(33:29):
well we're used to just being in the toilet room,
so I mean, I think anything is gonna be good. Really,
you know. Okay, Well, m once you have a seat
on this swing, I'll sit on this swing and we
will discuss the next steps. All right. My partner's around
here somewhere, probably from behind nice, so if we can
(33:52):
get back to business here. You have a kitchen. It
has a kitchen and has a kitchen. Yeah? Is he one?
Is he one of those superheroes? Yeah? I believe it's
power of love. Man. I think he's able to love
people in a way that just I heard. I heard
Joey Greer hires people like that, beings like that, like
(34:16):
goblins and such goblins. That's the word I'm looking. Excuse me,
Is this real estate deal almost done? Because I want
to use the swings? Yeah, just County tannon will be
done backwards backwards. Yeah, that'd be cool. Okay, so that
your no, just put that twenty per cent. You know
(34:37):
what I mean? Are you prepared to put down payment?
I'll tell you what I mean. I came with all
the gold I had, so I'm down to do whatever
you know to one. Did I give you a poster in?
All right? Great, I'll think a look at your gold
and uh we'll move you in as soon as possible.
Hold on, buddy, I'm just gonna have you look at
(34:59):
my gold. Alright kid, this is precious family gold here.
All right Now, I'm minded for as long as I
can remember before Mike pap being Bam bamd Pappy did too.
Now this is everything I got. Don't get him gone.
Come out, have a sip of water. Have a sip
(35:21):
of water. All right? Up? They say some for the fish?
Is that serious to alright, Cad. You're gonna start by
going just across the monkey bars like a normal care
But eventually you're gonna get so pumped up like he
can meat, you're gonna be able to pull up infecially.
(35:42):
You're gonna get so pumped up because he could meat,
you'll be able to lift the monkey bars out the ground. Okay,
let me lift me up so I can grab the
monkey bars. Okay, okay, okay, So do I just go
for the next wonder? How do I just just just
let one with one arm let go? But then also
(36:02):
with that same arm dangling straight down from one? Hey, Tina,
look when I have Barry on my weekends, he keeps
talking about his uncle Zeke's and two people. It's uncle's Zeke's.
You bring him men into the house. I thought we
had a No, No, I wouldn't we make you don't.
(36:27):
He's just making up these uh, these fictional uncles. No.
They take him to the playground and that's where he's been.
I don't know if you've noticed, but Barry's getting what
we call cut. He do well, not what you call
because you don't work out. Okay, wait, okay, I can
work out as hard as anybody else. So you're telling
(36:50):
me what that there's some Zeke's. So there's a Zeke.
There's a couple of Seeks at the playground and they've
been working out and they're helping Barry getting No. No,
one needs to help bar you but his old man.
I'm gonna get down to that park and I'm gonna
take care of these zekes. This sucks. Man. The bar
is like no one's here at the goddamn bar. I
(37:10):
just see all the adults everyone, I know, all our
regular just going to the playgrounds. Do we gotta start
We gotta start marketing to kids. I don't know what,
I don't know what to say, but we gotta get
kids in this bar. I don't know what else to do. Look,
Diane and I got fired from our last job, and
you know, we we want to make this bar happen.
It feels like it's just a recurring thing in our
(37:30):
lives that whatever business we touched turns to ship. I
mean literally, yeah, truly, especially across ice cream, because we're
going to really we're gonna really blow up the joint
with that. Well, then you two are fired. Can we
be fired? If be technically we were just training for
a week. So Tally turns to ship, literal ship, And
(37:55):
I think when you just crap themselves, that's what he
does when he wasn't at least it was whatever, It
doesn't matter who would it z? Hey, what are you idiots?
Name Zeke? Yeah, both of us dumback what think you
(38:25):
don't learn your life with these fucking muscles. You mind
a person with muscles like these who's also named Zeke. Yeah,
and you're going to form a bond. Yeah, you're going
to form a bond. Alright. Look, this is my boy
right here. You guys know Barry getting shred it dude?
All right, leave him alone. I'll be a trainer from
(38:46):
now one. Okay, who then? Are you kidding me? Dude?
Fund up man? Yeah, you've got stripped like trapezoids. You're
a shrimp body man. You look like where he triesn't
even have them. Hey, hey kid, you want something to drink?
(39:10):
You like alcohol? I don't know. I've never had an alcohol. Um,
I'm just trying to drop up business for this bar place.
I've never been inside up there, beer wine, cocktails? What
are you telling? Really? You know, I'm his girlfriend, and
I think it's that he drinks. That's amazing, that's amazing.
(39:31):
I just kind of thought, I'm yeah, so crazy you out, Billy, Billy,
What are you doing? Billy? We're playing? Yeah, I think
I'm going to go into this place. These guys want
me to come into their holy ship. You too, I
haven't seen this bar this full ever, I mean, I've
(39:51):
never and her another round over here? Order on? You
got it? Can we get one of those benches you
don't want the excuse me, mr, excuse me? Do you
have a puke bucket or something? And you were on
the floor? Okay, buddy, okay, it's like the roadhouse grill
(40:14):
except hey, now look Dan, you're doing a good job
right with this bar. You all these kids here, here's
my here's my pitch to you. Okay, okay, start selling
them cocaine. Chris, I can't do that, Okay, I just
(40:36):
why can't I Just like, I'll let you live in
my back house for a little bit. You tore that up.
You're not coming into my business, all right. It's just
can I get a cup of water? Please? No? Man,
the fish excuse me, sir excuse me, sir h person.
(41:00):
I was going to ask him about the puke bucket?
Is there anyway to score some blue? Oh? Baby? Uh Jackie,
I just want to say thank you so much for
joining us before you get your pot cake puppy. Thank
(41:25):
you for having me on the day I get my
pot cake puppy too. Foster me. You know, have you
thought about some names like killer or mongrel, um juggler.
He's well, she's already named or Zoe, which I sure's
kind of cute. Yeah, like um little thing orzo So
(41:49):
we'll see. Do we think she got that name because
she rips out people's guts and turns them into like
a puffy pasta? Yeah? Probably, yeah, probably. Well, I can't
wait to hear more about I know, I can't wait
to thin. And congrats to you and your squirrel with
(42:13):
an umbrella, and Jamie added some zucchini. It's going great.
We don't know if it's the same squirrel or he's
told or she's told others. It's difficult. We're gonna start
tagging him, so I'll let you know. How about that? Awesome?
Thanks for having me. Oh please, Craig Atkowski, thank you
(42:35):
so much for being here. As always, my pleasure. That
that whole berry berry discussion remind me that in the
standard American accent berry berry and berry, i e. The name,
the food, and the verbs are all pronounced the same
the same way, like Mary, Mary and Mary, like Mary Christmas, Mary,
would you marry me? But in certain regional accents, like
(42:57):
in the Northeast, they will distinguish between all three of
these words. Also, the strawberry is not a berry, but
the banana is the bananas bay in a sentence as
a film, Uh look, I don't want a berry berry blueberry.
(43:22):
Murderer Win was the answer. I was looking for murder
Berry Win, not the hotel. Check it out. It's available
to stream Murray Murder Berry when the the indie film Craig. Yeah,
go back. Listen to the previous episode where I read
out the web back dress. I'm not gonna pull up again. No, no,
(43:44):
let people find google murder Berry Win. Yeah, thank you
for that. Joey Greer, you're welcome. Yeah cool. James Heeney,
I'm gonna actually repeat what I said on the previous episode.
It is really important because all of the people review
(44:05):
this podcast any which way they can alight it tunes preferred.
But this is the last week, whatever day it is
that you're listening to this, it's actually the last day
to make sure that you get your review in on time.
I mean, you could do it afterwards, but it's important
when they're like this after the fact. It's the last
day the case. But that's the truth. Yes, So go
(44:27):
in and review alchemy. This we need it. We appreciate
that very much. And for the record, that is in
fact not the truth. But we love James just truth.
Jackie Um, if you can mention me in the um
in your review, that would be awesome. Well, oh, I see,
because I had just tapped the off. Fine stars, but
(44:47):
I hadn't right. You can write and you don't, Jackie.
You don't owe him anything, you know, I feel like
I really drive him through the Yeah, Joey the funk
out of it. Let's thank you producer and engineer to
the stars, Mr Dougan and the fine folks that I
heart media who by the way, I have picked up
(45:10):
our option and this show will continue. We got it.
It wasn't the reviews they left right when we when
we said it. It was very very touch and go
until that last ask for reviews, and that was enough
to put us over the top. We've been extended. I
don't know for how long. That's up to you, the listener,
(45:31):
And it turns out our ad reads were a factor.
Be kind to each other. Please continue to wear a
mask until someone says otherwise. I don't know who that
someone is. They depending on who you listen to, Faucci,
your God, or your conscience or the news you watch.
(45:54):
Be kind to each other regardless, and thank you so
much for giving us a chance for your ears and
the time we take inside of them. And please tell
everyone you've ever met to also sample our wares. As
it were, was until next time, I'm your host, Kevin
Pollock saying
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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