June 21, 2022 • 53 mins
Inheriting a circus
Adults being passed off as children but one person isn't buying it
The writers of junk mail
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome back to not just another episode of Alchemy this
I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes that Kevin Pollock. No, no,
not to worry. That crunching sound is me. Yeah. Little
comedy tip for y'all if you want to feel funny,
um as you're putting on your shoes, pouring some cat
and crunch No no, thank me later, but I digress.
(00:25):
Let's meet to Rakahawi no particular order. Let's quickly check
in with Craig Kokowski for his two start of summer review. Ka,
Memorial Day has happened. Uh you can wear white, gentlemen
and and ladies. Summer is underway, and uh all you
(00:46):
Leo's and uh Gemini's maybe out there getting ready to
celebrate those birthdays. Get those gas grills and cold grills
fired up because you're gonna be cooking in your yard.
I've got a surfboard right here in my office, which
(01:06):
is my wife's. There's a guitar also my wife's. I
have no cool accoutrement uh in in the office. But
but happy summer everyone. It feels like it's gonna be
a good one. And I think the heat is going
to kill the virus. And uh, I think we're just
headed towards a happy and healthy autumn. Yes, thank you
(01:31):
for that. The office you referred to as yours, is
that also, Carlos. Yeah, it's more her office than mine.
Just checking. Hey, there's cars Alvarado no longer high see.
Care to shine some love on chef Marcos. I don't,
I don't. I don't know. I don't know. I don't.
(01:52):
I don't even know who that is. You're not watching
Vote Deck Sailing yet, I'm not. Oh, oh my god,
all right, we're good, well and we'll stop. I'll tell you,
I'll tell you where this began quickly, Kevin was sure
enough it was the last season in the season before
you said, oh, Jimmie and I are really into this season.
I forget, I forget which one it was. It was
(02:12):
just sailing. I didn't know there was an option. I
was like, I'm not kidding. I was like, and then
I just gonna faded away. Yeah. Yeah, we jumped back
into Sailing Yacht after not enjoying the first season, and thankfully,
because the chef on this is arguably the best chef yet,
(02:34):
he's got a restaurant downtown carl mar Marlu that we're
gonna go check out. Yeah, Chef Marcos, he's just beyond beyond.
Brings the amazing cooking of course, and playing, but also
a personality and disposition. There's never been a not crazy chef,
you know the right. Speaking of which, look out, it's
(02:56):
smart Gagliardi time. What MG hammered, Yeah, you knew you
were meant for show business when blank, When I walked
on stage for the first time at five years old
in a production of the Best Christmas Pageant ever? Uh,
(03:18):
and did a bit and got a laugh? What was
the what was the what was what we're calling a bit?
I was playing? I was just a like a it's
not an extra if you're in a play, right, you
don't call him extras in place? It was an ensemble.
I was ensemble. That's the word. I was in the ensemble.
I was five, and I had I had just gotten
(03:38):
boxing gloves, uh, and I loved my boxing gloves. And
so they decided that my character was the little kid
who was dressed like an angel but wore his boxing gloves.
It was I walked out on stage and my boxing
gloves and then the stage manager runs out and takes
my boxing gloves off, and I stomped my way up
(03:59):
into the risers where we're all gonna stand and sing.
And when I stomped away, stomp of stage, and I
hear laughter from the audience and I turned around and
I thought, oh, me like, yeah, me like, So that
was where it all began. That's pretty awesome. I love that. Yeah.
And last but the return of Canker stories for you.
(04:21):
If you think of leaves, it's James Heeney, Johnny Jim Jack.
Tell us about your recent gig in San Diego, please,
Oh my gosh. It was the most amazing experience. I
got to play the character of Ron Burgundy for the
Rock and Roll Marathon, uh, and they liked me so much.
In October they wanted me to come up for the expo.
So I came for the expo and I was just
(04:42):
the original person that was doing it. Lost the gigs.
They booked something and just didn't give notice. But they
just did lines from the movie and there's such inappropriate lines.
I ended up improvising most of it, and I was
fake interviewing people at the expo, and my favorite thing
was by the and they had a line of people
that wanted me to interview with them with a fake
(05:04):
microphone as they were recording it on their phone. And
I can't believe I was paid to do something that
I had so much fun performing. That is what we
call righteous. Yeah, I'm so glad I asked. That's great
to hear, and now let's do a damn show. All
of our scene suggestions have been gathered from listener emails
(05:25):
or from our patron v i P s. And we
thank you all from all for your wanted what We
thank you all for your wanted for wanting to be
involved in the show geez, as well as supporting who
wet this cry? You sure all right for supporting us
to patriot. In fact, after some three episodes under our belts,
(05:47):
the time has in fact come to step away from
this glory is fun. We must bid you all a
grateful so long, not for well forever, but so long
for now. New episodes will roll out to the end
of this month of June too, I mentioned for those
listening long after this date anyway, Thank you again, sincerely,
(06:07):
if not lovingly, and now on with today's show. Scene
one was sent in by patron v I P. Thomas Lawson,
who wrote, Hi Alchemy Gang I get ideas every time
I listened to you work your magic scene suggestion inheriting
a circus if you just sign here and here here,
(06:31):
we just need your right here. Why Beauregard quiet? Now sit,
I'll sit on your mat. Beauregard, sit on your mat
while mommy signs the signs the deed. Now sign right
here at the bottom. You're you're signing as the guardian
for Beauregard. Well, yes, Beauregard is a dog, and how
is a dog going to sign a thing? But it's
(06:54):
a circus. It's a circus. Now I'm just I'm just
the guardian. I'm just the guardian for Beauregard, signing right
here for Beauregarded. Now he's the owner. Okay, congratulations, don't
congratulate me. Congratulate Beauregard. Accuses Beauregard. Beauregard. Congrat congratulate Beauregard. Um,
(07:15):
congratulations Beauregard. Yeah, I'm packing all my things. I don't
think this circus thing is gonna be for me. The
management changed this ridiculous city, passed it onto a dog.
But Bonzo, you're the number one clown we have. It's
just not you know, you know what, You're gonna get
(07:36):
this all wrapped up before the dogs take over. You
know what it's gonna be like. You know what's gonna
be like when a dog starts running the show. Well,
I guess maybe the animals will have more say in
the show. You they're gonna have more say. You know.
The first thing that happened over at the other circus
down the street, the dog started running the clowns riding
(07:58):
the clowns the dogs. The dogs were riding the clowns,
and the and the clowns had to go around on
their knees running into the circle. I'm not sticking around
for that. That was Rick Circus, right, Rick Circus? Yeah?
Oh god Rent, Yeah, they were lower rent And that's
(08:20):
our future. That's our future. But Bonzo, there's gonna be
so much room in the car if you're gone. I
might have taken up the most space in the car,
but let's be honest, that car was so full of love.
I think it's gonna be okay without me. Well, can
I can I get your Seltzer bottle? This? I guess
(08:42):
so I actually plan on not being a clown at
all anymore. I've always kind of wanted to get into Bonso,
how was your last day at the circus? Well, it
was it was rough. I wish I would have gotten
out a couple of days earlier. My knees are scraped
the hell right because of the dogs writing you. Do
(09:02):
you want to help with the big shows? Do you
want me to help you take the Yeah? If you
wouldn't mind. Wow, let's do the left one. Here we go,
and the right one. Oh that's a nota okay, Bonzo,
you are looking for investors in your startup and you
have come to the right place. You know, we were
(09:25):
we he says. He says he feels the same way.
This is the right place and he can't wait to
work with you. Oh will Bonzo not be speaking for himself? No, no,
I for for the record, Beauregard and I are going
into basiness together, but I'm going to be doing all
the talking. You say into basiness, I did say into basiness.
(09:50):
The worry is I'm kind of I'm legally obliged to
work with Beauregard. I'll have to do circus work. Let
me you say legally obliged. Frankly, the only reason why
we're interested is because I've and now no, no disrespect
to you. Beauregard has money, you know, he has assets,
and he's a good boy. He's a good So you
(10:14):
want to copyright the word baseness? Yeah, it's going to
be part of my name for the for the well,
the baseness. Okay, and are you spelling it b A
y s. No, it's spelled the same way as the
word business pronounced baseness Okay, that would be it could
(10:36):
be a problem for the copyright Yeah, because I think
any judge would rule that kind of a common word. Daddy,
how was your last day at the copyright office? It
was it was the worst. Oh, you kids haven't seen that.
We're gonna take your shoes off for you. It's time
(10:57):
for you to relax. Now. My shoes are so tight. Yeah,
they're so tight. I'm so sick of being an uptight
businessman with these tight leather shoes. Uh, Dad, you always
told us we could follow our dreams, so maybe it's
time for you to follow yours. Yeah. Well, well, thanks Charlie,
(11:21):
Thanks Rico. Uh you know I've I've always wanted to
open a frozen drink stand at Uh we can help yeah, yeah,
we can help you. Yeah, you'd help me make pina
coladas and margarita's for all the beach goers. Well you're dead,
(11:45):
hey kid? Um? Yeah, just like a opinion. You work here? Yeah?
Well can I get for you? Here? You go? There?
You go to Dakaris? Thank you, chap. I'd like an opinion.
How old are you? What would you like? I'd like
an opinion? Colada? You want that ship strong? Yeah? Again?
(12:09):
How how old are you? Like? Yeah? Are you with
that babe over there? Yeah? That that that babe over Yeah,
that's that's that's my girlfriend. Yes, I'm with that babe
over there. Oh my god, he's so cute. I got muscles.
Do you want to feel like? Kid? Are you flirt? Whoa?
(12:30):
Did you just kiss my girlfriend? I'm just a kid. Yeah,
I know. What the hell are you doing working in
a beachside drink frozen drink bar? Well, I'm turning into
a basiness man. Oh wow, basiness spelled b U s
I n e ss business. That's right. Do you know
the definition of business? I bet you're gonna tell me.
(12:51):
It means from babies two bonnets, from babies to bonnets
and anyone in between. It could be it. Hey, babe,
this guy, this kid can't charge us for alcoholic who
get in trouble. Let's just not pay him, that's true. Yeah,
you know what, We're just gonna take this. It's gonna
take this. He's got a shotgun. I do what my
(13:16):
son says. Huh whoa where did he even come from?
Behind us? Well? I own the business, but I only
handle the copyright law martins business. My son's make all
the drinks and uh and handle all of the transactions.
And yes, I think you owe us thirty dollars for
those pat Yeah, and more more more, kiss on the cheek.
(13:44):
I'm Rico, the accountant, and so the thirty dollars has
to be cashed. But we'll also consider venmo. Okay, this
kid can't be more than three. What is he even doing?
The business is business? Okay? What's your point, Mike? You
know what? What's your point? Do you want these drinks?
Old man? Yes, I want those drinks? Young kid? About
(14:11):
a finger pointing? Okay, mom, dad, how is cabo? Oh?
Sit down and we'll take your shoes off. Thanks, get
the left one first, You got it? You got it.
I just I don't know, Honeywood. We had we had
a run in with you know. What I took away
from it is some kids are working, are willing to hustle. Like,
(14:33):
what do you what did you even do? All? We
were just play video game. No, I'm glad you brought
that up. I have a form here that if you
guys just signed, I could start my new summer job.
Oh really, let me see this form? Uh? Why did
That's the section where it says what your job title
(14:55):
is is blank? Why is that blank? Well? I have
to kind of audition dad. It's like a it's a circus.
Wait a minute, who is Rick? Who is Rick? And
what is Rick Circus? I don't know that I like
you getting a job like this. He's just a kid hunting.
I mean, like, well, but you guys said, no, I
(15:15):
I should be more responsible to get a coffee shop. Yeah,
a circus feels like a lot. Yeah, but who knows?
Who knows? Who knows? Okay, Look, circuses are very competitive
in this town. There's at least five in a three
block radius. Uh so you know Rick Circus. Like, we
we've got to step it up a little bet. Are
(15:36):
you willing to do that? Kid? Yes, sir, yes, sir.
I put together four of what I think my best
talents and maybe you could choose one and see if
you guys there's no need for that. Get that on
all fours. I'm gonna put a pug on your back.
One see two got to us from listener Patrick oh Halley,
(15:57):
who wrote, Hey yo, alchemists. Don't know who's hosting this week,
but whoever it is is doing a wonderful job anyway. Wow,
I was I prefer multi award winning Kevin Paul. I
was watching Mrs Masil, Thank you Kevin, and I can't
(16:17):
get past Ethan being five. I'm a teacher and I
know that that kid has got to be around nine
years old. The actor does a good job, but I
know it must be hard to get an actual five
year old right now. But I digress my scenes and
why is it hardy and a five year old right
right now? Supply chain, supply chain, supply chain is broken down?
(16:45):
But I digress. Patrick goes on My scene suggestion is
adults being passed off as children, but only one person
isn't buying it. Thanks for all you do, love Patrick, okay,
uh Auditioning for Danny, I have Steven is Steven here?
(17:07):
That's that's me. I'm Stephen oh all right, Stephen, come
on in. You have the sides? Thanks? Yeah, yeah, I
got it. I got I'm ready with the same you're
signed in. Hold on really quick? Can I just say
he looks so cute and that angel costume with those
boxing gloves. Thanks. Well, look, you know I read I
(17:27):
read the script. No, I can hear you. You guys
are right in front of me, like, yeah, okay, sorry,
it's you look at Thanks. I appreciate that. Do you
have any questions for us? No? I mean, um, it's
a script is pretty self explanatory. These guys, they're all Americans, right,
that's the yes and the scene. Okay. I just didn't
know if you guys wanted an accent or anything. How
(17:49):
many are you? How many? Oh, I'm this, I'm this many? Wow?
Can I just put sidebar for a second? Do you
think it's not I'm not like, can hear everything you guys?
Do you want me to do? You would just like
me to step out of the room. I'll speak in code.
He's a big boy. What do you want to say?
I'm worried that the script is gonna unveil a very
(18:12):
important figure, like what if there was something he didn't
know about Santa Claus and the script might unveil that.
Is there a way we can avoid spoilers? Good concern,
that's a good concern. Yeah. I don't know why we
have HR at the auditions these days, but what are
you gonna do? I think for this very reason, you
can't keep your hands to yourself. Excuse me. I'm Steven's
(18:33):
mother and just I was waiting outside. It was taking
a while. I just want to make sure everything's going. Okay, Mom,
everything's fine. Get your stop licking my face everything. It's
a little dirt on your face there, but that's gross, Like, please,
can you come over here? Come on, Steve's mom. I'm
(18:54):
the producer of the production. This is our director and
this is our third pretty HR quick question. R name
your position, it's my position. Resources. Does Stephen? Does Stephen
still believe in the magic of the Holidays? Oh? Yes, yes,
(19:15):
I haven't told him about Santa Okay, okay, okay, okay,
So this is the concern. Yes, Why are you guys
so concerned about Santa Claus? What happened to him? No,
nothing's happened to him. Nothing's happened to Stephen. He's behind
Stevie and he'll be there on December twenty five. He
is every year. Thanks, Mom, You've read the sides, as
(19:39):
you said, you've prepared the audition. So I'm gonna ask
hr to stand down here. Okay, all right, I'm just
afraid of what's going to happen. Well, that's your job
to be afraid, and it's my job to be carefree
and um yeah yeah, and irresponsible. So Stephen, let's go ahead.
And when you're ready to go ahead and jump sure, sure,
(20:02):
mommy daddy, why are you always fighting? Can I just
give you a quick note? Yeah? Yeah, kind of throw
that away. It seems like you're making too much of
a thing. I mean, okay, just throw that away. You're
not terribly impressed that they're fighting yet again, he's been
taking improv classes. Yeah, give me a suggestion, then, Could
(20:28):
I get a suggestion for a way to just throw
that line away? Okay, children, get around, gather around now.
I'm about to post a list here. Okay, if your
name is not on the list, we won't be using
you this season, but that doesn't mean you can't come back,
um next season. Um, does anybody have any questions? Let's
(20:48):
just see the cast list. Okay, okay, um okay, I'm
gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Here we go, Yes, unbelievable,
A bitch in your first Your HR? Is that correct? Yes,
(21:09):
I'm a HR. You can call me Judy, Judy. I
have a concern. My child auditioned for this holiday production
and was not cast. Now that isn't a concern, But
when I came to pick her up and she was bawling,
I saw what looked like seventeen eighteen grown adults walking out,
(21:31):
high fiving and whatnot, saying to her in your face, Uh,
what am I missing here? Is this an adult production
or a child production? Children? I am so sorry, but
it looks like your daughter didn't make it, so I'm
actually HR for her. It's it's unfortunate the way the
lines aren't kind of gets blurry. But she's not an employee,
(21:55):
so I'm not responsible. Understood, understood, But just between you
and I just just just human human. Am I crazy?
Or is this cast full of adults pretending to be children?
Come on now, full of adults? This is a children's play.
Sometimes you have to hire the best of the best.
And they got in their cars and drove away. Some
(22:18):
looks like some of the kids waiting for them. It
would be illegal for us to have grown adults portraying children.
That's not the way it works. That's okay. How did
the audition for the school play go? Honey? Not great?
Do you want me to take off your shoes here?
(22:39):
Let's take him off so you're not comfortable? Yeah, tell
your mom what happened? What happened you? But peds so wonderfully? Yeah?
I worked, I worked really hard. I had a song
and everything I wanted to do. But some some guy
with a beard's gonna play Annie. Wait, but how does
that look? Look? Look? Okay? Two things are happening here, darling.
(23:02):
Two things. Okay, One, our child has no talent, but
too But two she was beat out by what I
I feel like I'm losing my mind. I think it
was all adults. I think there are adults pretending to
be children in this production. Okay? But also also her
range is yeah, can we go back to go back
to one for a second. Were insisting that our genius
(23:26):
daughter has no talent, no innate talent. I mean, sure
she's smart, but she doesn't there's no soul behind what
she's singing, not like you, darling, you when you sing
their soul? Alright, Tom, alright, Tom, settled there, honey, honey,
do any character from a Disney movie or attraction go okay?
(23:46):
Um this here's the wildest riding the wilderness? About that? Tom?
Does that? Want help? And they were in the same country,
shepherds biting in the field, keeping watch over their flock
by night. I low, the Angel of the Lord came
upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round
about them, and they were sore afraid, and the angel said,
(24:09):
unto them, fear not. Well, that's that's really good. Listen,
you're just hr okay. The director needs to give at
this point. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I came all right,
even positive ones, and I just need a quick affirmation.
(24:33):
There's Judy's huh. Honestly, you're allowed to be here apparently,
but I don't see anything in the by laws where
you speak, So thank you, Gerald. Can I ask, uh,
have you had actual acting training? Have you attended any
acting class? I don't know if you're sort of genius
(24:54):
by training or you're a natural, which would you say? Yeah? Well,
I mean what what I've done nerve uh my method?
You know, I'm pretty much pretty much classically trained, and
Gerald remind me, Oh, so that's that's what the posture
is all about. Jerald. What's how how old are you?
(25:16):
How many? Um? This many? Okay? Wow, wonderful, wonderful. Did
you hear you went to Juilliard? Is that a thing?
Is that? Did that happen? Yeah? That's a thing and
that happened. Okay. I was expecting to get a lot
of ship for carrying this security blanket. But m looks
(25:39):
like I'm all right, Okay, everybody yet round. The reviews
are in. The reviews are, and now listen, whatever it
says in the paper, it doesn't mean, it doesn't take
away from the experience. Our director has been so wonderful.
He support his entire heart and soul to this production,
as you all know. Um sure, I'm a producer, but
I also felt like some of your mothers if I'm
being honest, being honest, and Judy's here, okay, here we go,
(26:05):
here we go. Okay, Well the headline is are these
even kids? This is good performed and we sent them
to a new place. Yeah, okay, who's the critic? Um?
Oh that's John Suption Coption attention to John Suption. Right, Okay,
(26:29):
let's see what he says. He says, hold on everybody.
This seems like the people on stage are full grown adults.
As a matter of fact, I was in traffic school
with one of them two weeks ago. What does you
mean by hold on everybody? A way to start? Yeah,
not a great lead. You have to consider the source. Yeah,
(26:51):
who would say hold on everybody at the time? That
doesn't mean sense. Also, it implies everyone is speaking at
him and who is this? You want a pullitzer for criticism? Everybody?
Let me continue now, everybody just holds on. He wrote that, Well, Um, Judy,
(27:19):
as you know, the play is a hit, and we
are we're going to a Broadway. Um, I know, but
Broadway has Broadway hr. I know it does, and I understand.
I understand. It's just we want to offer you a
role role. But I'm I'm this many. We know, we know,
(27:44):
but there's the grandmother role, the old old grandmother who's dying.
Every word is dying. Well, but I'm only this many,
So like that's a little it's a stretch. That's all
we can do. If you want to be a part
of the production and you have to always. If you
haven't noticed, I've snuck into every audition room. I'm at
(28:05):
all the play readings. Yes, I'll take it. I'll take
the role. Welcome to Broadway. Wow, children, do I have
to let the other old lady go? Well, we'll tell
her right now. Children, get around and get around. What's up?
What's up? Put the cigarettes out? You shouldn't be smoking.
(28:31):
We got good news. We're going to the show. What show?
Were we going to major League Baseball? This show is
going to Broadway. You said we're going to the show.
Are we gonna be in the show and to go
to the show to Broadway? The house seats? Okay, here's
what I meant. We're going to the show. Prom I
(28:52):
got tickets for everybody while and while we're in New York,
we're going to also put up this production. We're a hit. Okay, cool,
that sounds good. Yeah, we deserve it. So we're gonna
have to renegotiate salaries. Then, yes, an understudy for the matinees.
(29:14):
I don't do the matinees. Okay, yes, of course, um, yes, yes,
we will get to that. We will follow all the
equity laws and by laws. Is that you know? Yeah,
there's pretty laws and by laws. Yeah, are you remember
I am? I am? There's always an asterisk next to
my name in the in the play. Honestly, I don't
(29:40):
buy it. I don't buy that you have. And here,
by the way, oh, this is actually good and bad news,
good news for Judy kind of. Are you sure that
I should do this in front of everybody? I think
that's the time, Tara, Tara, You've done a great run
here at the local theater. But we're going to Broadway,
(30:01):
so we're gonna have to let you go. And I'm
gonna be playing the role of the old old lady
dying grandma. Okay, okay, okay, hold on, hold on, you're
doing me a favor. I don't want to go to Broadway.
I can't do eight shows for seventy four hours. But
you are from HR and you should not be acting
(30:21):
in any production of anything other than HR presents. We're boring,
and since we're since we're being honest, I need you
all to know I'm not an adult producer. What the
hell is that? Wait? I'm six. He's taking his trench
(30:41):
coat off. Three of them, he's four, three kids, he's five.
We all go to Cartman elementary in your face. Yeah. Second,
you guys are good actors a Broadway that a scene
to everybody. Scene three. Scene three comes to us from
(31:09):
patron Alcamaniac Allison from Philly. Allison was in one of
our zooms that the Alcomnia actually got to be in,
and we loved having her with us for that. She wrote, Hi, there,
I'd like to witness firsthand the writers of junk mail,
especially the ones just send me pink cardstock and so on.
Um pretty selected, pre qualified. Yeah, Allison from Philly. So
(31:35):
the writers of junk mail ps great to hang on
zoom with you. All those perks are the best, were
they were the best? Allison technicality, too soon, too soon.
This is really gonna trick people. Take a look at this.
(31:55):
It's kind of gold star on the top and it
says you're the winner. Okay, just if there are no
bad ideas right now, so please keep going. Huh, Well,
that was that was what I had prepared over the
weekend for today. Traditionally, you're in this case would be
spelled with an apostrophe. Are e yeah ship. Well, I
(32:16):
mean this is just this is a prototype. I'm sure
that when we put it to the presses we can,
but we had a direct policy about presenting in this
room with your finished product. So I'm sorry, you're gonna
have to leave the island. Uh I have, I have
Uh wait wait wait are you see you're leaving the island. Yeah, yeah,
(32:39):
I got your bag. Great to see you, Craig go Okay, Timothy,
what do you got? Yeah? First of all, he should
have known not to bring a prototype to the finals.
Come on here, I present to you the envelope in
which the information will be In the envelope looks like
(33:00):
it's handwritten. Oh great, love those Yeah, but it's not. So.
I've developed a font. You can type any name, any address,
and it looks like it's coming from a friend. Oh
and you've even got a slight smudge there. That's a
nice is that well? And that, let me tell you,
that's where the tech really came in. It wasn't even
(33:21):
I mean, this is new tech, the smudge tech. It
looks like somebody did it. And I think the open
rate on this envelope um an No, I know, we've
we've had a hard time getting over the open rate.
A lot of people rip, they read and rip, read
(33:41):
and rip. I think I think, I think we've got
an opening here. That is my contribution. That was beautiful.
Thanks guys, Thanks guys, I got one for you. Yeah, Greg, No, no, no,
no, no no, no, it's gonna work time. It's gonna work
this time. Yeah. Check this out. Look at that. Look
(34:03):
at that. Doesn't that look official? Doesn't that look official?
But technically we can't get in trouble because it says
Federal Bureau of Investigation, United States of Amcara. See what
I did. So people are gonna we can't get sued.
We can't get sued by the defense this time. I
mean years is a pronunciation issue. I don't know that
that is gonna clear what I do? Like, do you
(34:25):
put stickers on it? Well, look it's it's smelled from America,
but it's pronounced a meccaa. See you look the stickers.
Look there's eagles. That was an eagle. That one was
the Great Seal of the United States of Amcara. Yeah, well,
this one's gonna work this time. I promise nobody's gonna
go to jail again this time. It's Look, if you
(34:46):
think everything's gonna put us out of business, we're not
gonna get in trouble this time, guys, I swear, why
is that? How are we not gonna because I changed
enough of it around that the government can't get mad
at us. Todd, Honey, we got an official letter. It's
from the FBI. Oh shit, I'm not opening it. I
(35:08):
have nothing to do with this time. You said you stopped,
You said you stopped all of the bad stuff, and
here we are not opening the letter. Doesn't make it
not exist. Okay, we we should burn it. We should
burn the letter, don't you fucking light. You told me
we were safe, You told me we were done with
this life, and now the FBI is sending us letters.
(35:33):
All right, well, well you know what, maybe if we
just show up at their office in person and explain ourselves.
I mean it was it's a simple oopsie loop this
regretting um this letter. Yes, sir, we haven't opened the letter,
but we just wanted to the time we will confess
(35:54):
all of our Well, I wouldn't call them um crime
record this. No, please please starting local. You don't mind,
I don't mind, Okay, I mean it's probably in the
letter anyway, Okay, I Mary Elizabeth Burke, I am admitting
(36:19):
to the crimes which I have committed. I'll start there. Okay,
n the crimes, I'm sure they're in your letter, but
if you need to hear them from me, um, well, baby, Okay,
I found it, Dan Burke. I have found it pretty precise, Bob,
(36:46):
Dan Bob Burke, I found it. Is there something wrong
with the melan niue, Bob Robert, I think would be okay?
But well, my parents wanted something nice and simple. Damn
bumper damp, your honor? Can we fast forward through this
part of the tape? Dan, Bob, you get in here.
(37:07):
I said, it's attack. I'm coming. I'm coming, mom. Yeah,
let's fast forward through this. I think the judge has
a good point. Prosecution would definitely like the fast forward.
All right, look, I'm gonna I'm gonna pause that. I'm
gonna pause the tape right here at six minutes fifty
one seconds. This is where the confession actually happens, Your honor.
(37:30):
I'm just gonna hit play right here. I found the
perfect way to fold a dollar bill and have it
eject from a vending machine and still give sodas. Got
a little hole in a quarter. We got snacks, we
got we got chips, we got sweet snacks we got.
I don't know if that's actually a federal crime. Well,
(37:54):
you that wrong in my notes. Let me fast forward
a little bit. It's a little further than that. They're
right here, right here, forty one minutes and fifty two
seconds play, and that is also not a federal crime.
I'm so sorry. Let me pause. I'm just gonna fast forward.
All right. We're at three hours, twenty six minutes and
(38:14):
nineteen seconds. I think this is what I wrote this
in my notes. This is where they actually confess to
a crime. Okay, so you want to a six inch
tuna with with nothing on? Justus the tuna? Okay, hit pause,
your honor. I might have grabbed the wrong legal pad
today coming into the courtroom. Um, you know what, you
know what, Let me just let me just try one more,
(38:35):
Let me just try one more. Dig around in here.
Oh here it is here, it is right here. Wrote
it on a napkin, so sorry, wrote it on a
napkin right here. It's at eleven hours and nine minutes
even right fast forward to that and there it is. Yeah,
I'm sorry. Um a mega wine? What's that? What was that?
(38:58):
Did you say? I put myself a mega Uh wine.
That's ridiculous. Yeah, okay, I mean this are you the bad?
How are you? It's just where's the other agent who
got the sandwich is nine hours ago? We're really tired.
(39:21):
We can pause right there. We can pause right there,
Your honor. So that begs the question this gentleman on
the witness stand, what was he doing in there with
a mega of wine? What were you doing in there
with the mega of wine? I knew we'd get to
that spot on the tape eventually. It looks like to
me he was just re enacting a moment from the
(39:42):
Johnny Depp heard trial. I may I may have mixed
my tapes up again, Your honor. I apologize. Well, I
think it's a great idea for for a scam. But
I mean, what all right, hypothetically Greg, and you're not
(40:02):
leaving the island obviously, And yes, I came up with
the cool fond where it looks like it's handwritten but
just hybridically with yours. Greg. What if somebody thought they
were gonna get in trouble and they never actually opened
the letter, and they take that letter directly to the
FBI and then incriminate themselves in some kind of well,
why might that ever happen? Though? What didn't? I'm being stupid?
(40:23):
So okay, in your scenario, they thin gets the NBI,
they open it, and they realized that there's a tire seal. Yeah, exactly.
It's all about the envelope. It's all about the envelope.
I'm an idiot. I mean idiot. I mean you're under
arrest for not taking advantage of savings. That's good, that's good,
that's good. I don't know. I guess I have this
(40:44):
weird imagination. You know, it just takes me to weird places.
At least we didn't get kicked off. At least we
didn't get kicked off the island. Hey, Gregg, can I
ask you a question? Yeah, since we're just in our
bunks waiting for tomorrow. Sure, when you close your eyes, like,
can you actually picture what a MECA would actually look like?
(41:09):
Like a dream place? It's it's my utopia. It's the
place I've always wanted to go. We're the only thing
the Federal Bureau of Investigation is investigating is the price
of tires. And and nobody nobody bothers you, and and
you can do whatever you want, and all the mail
(41:29):
is has stickers. Yeah, and and and and everyone has
their own circus, even dogs, even dogs, and and and
then in the circus of my dreams, in the circus
of my dreams, it's just the dogs riding around on clowns.
Doesn't that sound nice? Is this? Doesn't that sound nice? Guys? Guys,
open the window. Holy shit, he keep craig, you came back.
(41:56):
Let me in, Let me in. I jumped off the boat.
You're not supposed umped off the boat. Let me come,
I let me okay here the buds open. Yeah, Oh
my god, what you are drenched? You're getting water everywhere. Shure,
I need a pair of close one if you give
me a pair of clothes, A pair of clothes, A
pair of clothes, the tops, bottoms, tops, bottoms. All right,
(42:24):
So you were sent to an island where you were
forced to brainstorm ideas for for for junk mail. And
you you weren't compensated in any way for this. You
you lived in cabins and bunks. That's right. Feel free
to confirm this at any point. That's that's correct. Well,
(42:48):
that's that's not a federal crime. Well, it felt that
we were kidnapped. We were kidnapped well, then the yeah,
where did you go willingly? Or were you forced to
go to the okay? Then that you were not kidnapped
if you went, but it felt it wasn't great. The
cabins were in full disclosure. I was kicked off the
(43:09):
island tonight and I risked my life and swam back.
But it really didn't feel fair. Well they told you
to go, then you're you're fine. But yeah, but you know,
Mr Agent, part of me I just I just see
something fell off your desk. It looks like handwritten letter
from somebody, so I don't know, it's probably important. Yeah,
(43:31):
wait a minute, this is from the FBI. You are
the FBI, right, that's weird. Why with the FBI write
me a little? But it's written in such a nice cursive,
it's clearly it's clearly for me. That looks official. Yes,
Agent Michaels, you got a letter. You were saying, Yes,
(43:56):
I'm not sure if this was the right department to
go to, but yeah, let's find out what what what
is your concern about this letter? Well, I I don't
know why it was sent to my desk or why
it wasn't done over email or somebody. Uh, you know,
requested a one on one with me. But it's it's
a very nice letter. Aside, What is the content of
(44:21):
concern within the letter? Well, uh, this says that the
federal First of all, just to say, it reads, if
you would please. Okay, well, we're getting emphasize it's the FPN.
We're trying to keep things pretty precise, but okay, it
(44:41):
reads thank you. Listen up people. Wow, that does feel
like it says it does. Well, that's that's why. That's
why I use that that phrase exactly. It says, listen up, people,
(45:03):
the Federal Breast Investigators need to check the size of
your bra. Right. Okay, well, I don't know where to
begin unpacking that, but let's start with the fact that
you do. You're concerned because of your possible involvement and
(45:28):
what one feels like I'm implicated in this. It does
to me as well, but you would know better than
me as to whether there's any reason for you to
be concerned. Look, it's really good that you came to
see us. We are the Federal Boob Investigators. Official investigators
are breast investigators. Well, there's we have different units here. Yes,
(45:52):
officially I an official, right, the left one and the
right one. Right, that's correct, that's correct. Now, um, please
excuse this work that we're renting our actual headquarters, much
like the Pentagon is under Yeah, this is very very
spare here renovation. But there's coffee. This's coffee. Anyway, let's
get back to your particular case. Um. Now, did you
(46:14):
know that of bra wearers are wearing a bra that
doesn't fit them properly? Bobby football tournament in five three there? Um,
But with your help and this coupon, you can get
a free fitting. Look, I'm I don't wear bras. I
(46:38):
I'm not sure why this has to take place on
an island either though. This it wasn't easy to get here, sure, sure,
but you are here and you are eligible for a
free fitting. Or you could also give that fitting to
a friend or family member, but they have to take
their way here to the island. I didn't need all
(46:59):
of these return address labels either, Like I'm never I'm
never going to use all of these. Those are yours?
Those yours? You don't pay, don them, I don't need them.
We gonna we cannot take them back? Actually yours those
these return address labels? Okay, okay, fair enough, fair enough. Yeah,
this this feels weird to be honest, like, as an
(47:22):
agent for so many years, it feels like the tables
have been turned and I'm on the other side now,
and it doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good, right,
it doesn't feel good, but you know, it does feel
good when your breasts are cups the way they should be. Okay,
all right, if you if if you need me to
buy a bra to just get you off my back, uh,
(47:43):
then then I'll do it. That sounds good. So what
are we looking at here? It's uh, I think I'm
a twenty eight a. You know, guys, this has been
a weird business idea business idea part of me getting
(48:05):
come out here on this island to buy a brawl
and then leave it. I feel weird. I feel weird.
That was the point. We were supposed to feel weird. Yeah,
And besides, look, how are we supposed to know what
makes a good business? We're only this many it's business?
Oh sorry, business? Yea, all right, listen, I say we
(48:29):
do uh cheerios again for lunch and some juice boxes
for dinner, all in favor saying these dollar bills look
almost almost perfect. You can totally use them. You can
totally use them in the store. We're not going to
get caught again again. Come on, darling, you say we
(48:51):
can't get out again again, What are the odds? We're
pretty much off the grid now and pause it right there?
Pause it? Did you hear it? I do? I find
the confession. That is our show for today. Yeah, well
done everyone. Uh let's um, well, gosh, let's start with
(49:11):
Dr James Heeney. Thank you so much for at least
washing your head. Thank you. That was an off That
was an off recording comment. I only washed the top
part of my head, but that was private that you've divulged.
(49:32):
Last chance to break some some news, our second, last
chance to break some news. Um, but thank you so
much for being here, James, Yes, thanks for having me.
And please, if you can get a chance and muster
up the courage to watch the video game footage, go
to YouTube and check out Team Front. It's a heck
of a lot of fun. You'll have some laughs even
if you're not a gamer. Right on. Thank you for that.
(49:55):
Mark Gagley already, good sir, oh man, thank you, thank you,
thank you. This is always so fun. Uh yeah, you
guys are delightful. What a fun show? Uh and uh
find me, I'm at mark Gags. We got this with
Mark and Hall on the Maximum Fun Network and Blood
and Treasure season two on Paramount Plus. It has dropped.
Uh July dropped? Hello, Yeah, July on Disneyland's birthday. H Right?
(50:21):
Even better? Right? And it drops on which network? On
Paramount Plus? Yeah, I gotta have the US in the
trek shows. Sure, yeah, well, congrats on that. Look forward
to singing to thank you again for being a Greg
Kakowski so much fun. I don't remember what I did
uh off Mike or on Mike, but but you can
(50:44):
put it all. You can put all out there for
the part takeoff. Yeah, we have um a little three
minute versions of the show that we're going to release
all the patrons subscribers. That was just the front part
of the show before we actually starts. Yeah. Yeah. When
it's usually like do we all have the right mikes?
(51:07):
The caster's going, can you check your en tester? Mike? Yeah,
Chris Alvarado, thank you, ol Man Shore. I love doing this.
I love you guys fair enough. I love you back.
Do you want to steer anyone towards UM? So you
know what you can go to at Chris Alvarado. That's
my Instagram where I don't do a lot or you know,
(51:28):
if you want to see me for probably less than
one full second on screen, but you still want to
get a sense of me, check out Hacks. I'm on
the second the last episode of the second season of Hacks.
Craig saw he did you recognize me? Okay? So I
am right now this second and last episode. So the
whole second season of Hacks is already aired, and it's
(51:50):
already aired, viewable and viewable on HBO Max Hot damn,
good news. I will look for you and thank you. Chris.
You were great. You were great. I should say thanks,
you know, it's not it's you know, I'm not. I'm
not gonna television like Mark I did, like go to
Rome and all over the world. We stuff. I just
went down to Century City and Century City. Chris, Chris,
(52:13):
stay focused. You're not selling right now. Okay, you're not
selling at all the show. Why we hired you, Why
we want you to be in the Hacks universe. Yeah,
that's right, that's right. I'm in the Hacks universe. Thank you.
I'm not happy to be there. Yes, um let's thank
our producer and engineer to the stars, Mr Doug Bane. Fine,
(52:35):
folks that I hurt, Media who cannot believe we're saying goodbye,
bump them. They just don't know what they're gonna do
without it. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Thank you again,
each and every one of you. We uh love you
now more than ever. Please tell everyone you've ever met
how much you enjoy this show and how you can't
(52:59):
wait to see those last few episodes. Until next time,
Shan h
Welcome back to not just another episode of Alchemy this
I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes that Kevin Pollock. No, no,
not to worry. That crunching sound is me. Yeah. Little
comedy tip for y'all if you want to feel funny,
um as you're putting on your shoes, pouring some cat
and crunch No no, thank me later, but I digress.
(00:25):
Let's meet to Rakahawi no particular order. Let's quickly check
in with Craig Kokowski for his two start of summer review. Ka,
Memorial Day has happened. Uh you can wear white, gentlemen
and and ladies. Summer is underway, and uh all you
(00:46):
Leo's and uh Gemini's maybe out there getting ready to
celebrate those birthdays. Get those gas grills and cold grills
fired up because you're gonna be cooking in your yard.
I've got a surfboard right here in my office, which
(01:06):
is my wife's. There's a guitar also my wife's. I
have no cool accoutrement uh in in the office. But
but happy summer everyone. It feels like it's gonna be
a good one. And I think the heat is going
to kill the virus. And uh, I think we're just
headed towards a happy and healthy autumn. Yes, thank you
(01:31):
for that. The office you referred to as yours, is
that also, Carlos. Yeah, it's more her office than mine.
Just checking. Hey, there's cars Alvarado no longer high see.
Care to shine some love on chef Marcos. I don't,
I don't. I don't know. I don't know. I don't.
(01:52):
I don't even know who that is. You're not watching
Vote Deck Sailing yet, I'm not. Oh, oh my god,
all right, we're good, well and we'll stop. I'll tell you,
I'll tell you where this began quickly, Kevin was sure
enough it was the last season in the season before
you said, oh, Jimmie and I are really into this season.
I forget, I forget which one it was. It was
(02:12):
just sailing. I didn't know there was an option. I
was like, I'm not kidding. I was like, and then
I just gonna faded away. Yeah. Yeah, we jumped back
into Sailing Yacht after not enjoying the first season, and thankfully,
because the chef on this is arguably the best chef yet,
(02:34):
he's got a restaurant downtown carl mar Marlu that we're
gonna go check out. Yeah, Chef Marcos, he's just beyond beyond.
Brings the amazing cooking of course, and playing, but also
a personality and disposition. There's never been a not crazy chef,
you know the right. Speaking of which, look out, it's
(02:56):
smart Gagliardi time. What MG hammered, Yeah, you knew you
were meant for show business when blank, When I walked
on stage for the first time at five years old
in a production of the Best Christmas Pageant ever? Uh,
(03:18):
and did a bit and got a laugh? What was
the what was the what was what we're calling a bit?
I was playing? I was just a like a it's
not an extra if you're in a play, right, you
don't call him extras in place? It was an ensemble.
I was ensemble. That's the word. I was in the ensemble.
I was five, and I had I had just gotten
(03:38):
boxing gloves, uh, and I loved my boxing gloves. And
so they decided that my character was the little kid
who was dressed like an angel but wore his boxing gloves.
It was I walked out on stage and my boxing
gloves and then the stage manager runs out and takes
my boxing gloves off, and I stomped my way up
(03:59):
into the risers where we're all gonna stand and sing.
And when I stomped away, stomp of stage, and I
hear laughter from the audience and I turned around and
I thought, oh, me like, yeah, me like, So that
was where it all began. That's pretty awesome. I love that. Yeah.
And last but the return of Canker stories for you.
(04:21):
If you think of leaves, it's James Heeney, Johnny Jim Jack.
Tell us about your recent gig in San Diego, please,
Oh my gosh. It was the most amazing experience. I
got to play the character of Ron Burgundy for the
Rock and Roll Marathon, uh, and they liked me so much.
In October they wanted me to come up for the expo.
So I came for the expo and I was just
(04:42):
the original person that was doing it. Lost the gigs.
They booked something and just didn't give notice. But they
just did lines from the movie and there's such inappropriate lines.
I ended up improvising most of it, and I was
fake interviewing people at the expo, and my favorite thing
was by the and they had a line of people
that wanted me to interview with them with a fake
(05:04):
microphone as they were recording it on their phone. And
I can't believe I was paid to do something that
I had so much fun performing. That is what we
call righteous. Yeah, I'm so glad I asked. That's great
to hear, and now let's do a damn show. All
of our scene suggestions have been gathered from listener emails
(05:25):
or from our patron v i P s. And we
thank you all from all for your wanted what We
thank you all for your wanted for wanting to be
involved in the show geez, as well as supporting who
wet this cry? You sure all right for supporting us
to patriot. In fact, after some three episodes under our belts,
(05:47):
the time has in fact come to step away from
this glory is fun. We must bid you all a
grateful so long, not for well forever, but so long
for now. New episodes will roll out to the end
of this month of June too, I mentioned for those
listening long after this date anyway, Thank you again, sincerely,
(06:07):
if not lovingly, and now on with today's show. Scene
one was sent in by patron v I P. Thomas Lawson,
who wrote, Hi Alchemy Gang I get ideas every time
I listened to you work your magic scene suggestion inheriting
a circus if you just sign here and here here,
(06:31):
we just need your right here. Why Beauregard quiet? Now sit,
I'll sit on your mat. Beauregard, sit on your mat
while mommy signs the signs the deed. Now sign right
here at the bottom. You're you're signing as the guardian
for Beauregard. Well, yes, Beauregard is a dog, and how
is a dog going to sign a thing? But it's
(06:54):
a circus. It's a circus. Now I'm just I'm just
the guardian. I'm just the guardian for Beauregard, signing right
here for Beauregarded. Now he's the owner. Okay, congratulations, don't
congratulate me. Congratulate Beauregard. Accuses Beauregard. Beauregard. Congrat congratulate Beauregard. Um,
(07:15):
congratulations Beauregard. Yeah, I'm packing all my things. I don't
think this circus thing is gonna be for me. The
management changed this ridiculous city, passed it onto a dog.
But Bonzo, you're the number one clown we have. It's
just not you know, you know what, You're gonna get
(07:36):
this all wrapped up before the dogs take over. You
know what it's gonna be like. You know what's gonna
be like when a dog starts running the show. Well,
I guess maybe the animals will have more say in
the show. You they're gonna have more say. You know.
The first thing that happened over at the other circus
down the street, the dog started running the clowns riding
(07:58):
the clowns the dogs. The dogs were riding the clowns,
and the and the clowns had to go around on
their knees running into the circle. I'm not sticking around
for that. That was Rick Circus, right, Rick Circus? Yeah?
Oh god Rent, Yeah, they were lower rent And that's
(08:20):
our future. That's our future. But Bonzo, there's gonna be
so much room in the car if you're gone. I
might have taken up the most space in the car,
but let's be honest, that car was so full of love.
I think it's gonna be okay without me. Well, can
I can I get your Seltzer bottle? This? I guess
(08:42):
so I actually plan on not being a clown at
all anymore. I've always kind of wanted to get into Bonso,
how was your last day at the circus? Well, it
was it was rough. I wish I would have gotten
out a couple of days earlier. My knees are scraped
the hell right because of the dogs writing you. Do
(09:02):
you want to help with the big shows? Do you
want me to help you take the Yeah? If you
wouldn't mind. Wow, let's do the left one. Here we go,
and the right one. Oh that's a nota okay, Bonzo,
you are looking for investors in your startup and you
have come to the right place. You know, we were
(09:25):
we he says. He says he feels the same way.
This is the right place and he can't wait to
work with you. Oh will Bonzo not be speaking for himself? No, no,
I for for the record, Beauregard and I are going
into basiness together, but I'm going to be doing all
the talking. You say into basiness, I did say into basiness.
(09:50):
The worry is I'm kind of I'm legally obliged to
work with Beauregard. I'll have to do circus work. Let
me you say legally obliged. Frankly, the only reason why
we're interested is because I've and now no, no disrespect
to you. Beauregard has money, you know, he has assets,
and he's a good boy. He's a good So you
(10:14):
want to copyright the word baseness? Yeah, it's going to
be part of my name for the for the well,
the baseness. Okay, and are you spelling it b A
y s. No, it's spelled the same way as the
word business pronounced baseness Okay, that would be it could
(10:36):
be a problem for the copyright Yeah, because I think
any judge would rule that kind of a common word. Daddy,
how was your last day at the copyright office? It
was it was the worst. Oh, you kids haven't seen that.
We're gonna take your shoes off for you. It's time
(10:57):
for you to relax. Now. My shoes are so tight. Yeah,
they're so tight. I'm so sick of being an uptight
businessman with these tight leather shoes. Uh, Dad, you always
told us we could follow our dreams, so maybe it's
time for you to follow yours. Yeah. Well, well, thanks Charlie,
(11:21):
Thanks Rico. Uh you know I've I've always wanted to
open a frozen drink stand at Uh we can help yeah, yeah,
we can help you. Yeah, you'd help me make pina
coladas and margarita's for all the beach goers. Well you're dead,
(11:45):
hey kid? Um? Yeah, just like a opinion. You work here? Yeah?
Well can I get for you? Here? You go? There?
You go to Dakaris? Thank you, chap. I'd like an opinion.
How old are you? What would you like? I'd like
an opinion? Colada? You want that ship strong? Yeah? Again?
(12:09):
How how old are you? Like? Yeah? Are you with
that babe over there? Yeah? That that that babe over Yeah,
that's that's that's my girlfriend. Yes, I'm with that babe
over there. Oh my god, he's so cute. I got muscles.
Do you want to feel like? Kid? Are you flirt? Whoa?
(12:30):
Did you just kiss my girlfriend? I'm just a kid. Yeah,
I know. What the hell are you doing working in
a beachside drink frozen drink bar? Well, I'm turning into
a basiness man. Oh wow, basiness spelled b U s
I n e ss business. That's right. Do you know
the definition of business? I bet you're gonna tell me.
(12:51):
It means from babies two bonnets, from babies to bonnets
and anyone in between. It could be it. Hey, babe,
this guy, this kid can't charge us for alcoholic who
get in trouble. Let's just not pay him, that's true. Yeah,
you know what, We're just gonna take this. It's gonna
take this. He's got a shotgun. I do what my
(13:16):
son says. Huh whoa where did he even come from?
Behind us? Well? I own the business, but I only
handle the copyright law martins business. My son's make all
the drinks and uh and handle all of the transactions.
And yes, I think you owe us thirty dollars for
those pat Yeah, and more more more, kiss on the cheek.
(13:44):
I'm Rico, the accountant, and so the thirty dollars has
to be cashed. But we'll also consider venmo. Okay, this
kid can't be more than three. What is he even doing?
The business is business? Okay? What's your point, Mike? You
know what? What's your point? Do you want these drinks?
Old man? Yes, I want those drinks? Young kid? About
(14:11):
a finger pointing? Okay, mom, dad, how is cabo? Oh?
Sit down and we'll take your shoes off. Thanks, get
the left one first, You got it? You got it.
I just I don't know, Honeywood. We had we had
a run in with you know. What I took away
from it is some kids are working, are willing to hustle. Like,
(14:33):
what do you what did you even do? All? We
were just play video game. No, I'm glad you brought
that up. I have a form here that if you
guys just signed, I could start my new summer job.
Oh really, let me see this form? Uh? Why did
That's the section where it says what your job title
(14:55):
is is blank? Why is that blank? Well? I have
to kind of audition dad. It's like a it's a circus.
Wait a minute, who is Rick? Who is Rick? And
what is Rick Circus? I don't know that I like
you getting a job like this. He's just a kid hunting.
I mean, like, well, but you guys said, no, I
(15:15):
I should be more responsible to get a coffee shop. Yeah,
a circus feels like a lot. Yeah, but who knows?
Who knows? Who knows? Okay, Look, circuses are very competitive
in this town. There's at least five in a three
block radius. Uh so you know Rick Circus. Like, we
we've got to step it up a little bet. Are
(15:36):
you willing to do that? Kid? Yes, sir, yes, sir.
I put together four of what I think my best
talents and maybe you could choose one and see if
you guys there's no need for that. Get that on
all fours. I'm gonna put a pug on your back.
One see two got to us from listener Patrick oh Halley,
(15:57):
who wrote, Hey yo, alchemists. Don't know who's hosting this week,
but whoever it is is doing a wonderful job anyway. Wow,
I was I prefer multi award winning Kevin Paul. I
was watching Mrs Masil, Thank you Kevin, and I can't
(16:17):
get past Ethan being five. I'm a teacher and I
know that that kid has got to be around nine
years old. The actor does a good job, but I
know it must be hard to get an actual five
year old right now. But I digress my scenes and
why is it hardy and a five year old right
right now? Supply chain, supply chain, supply chain is broken down?
(16:45):
But I digress. Patrick goes on My scene suggestion is
adults being passed off as children, but only one person
isn't buying it. Thanks for all you do, love Patrick, okay,
uh Auditioning for Danny, I have Steven is Steven here?
(17:07):
That's that's me. I'm Stephen oh all right, Stephen, come
on in. You have the sides? Thanks? Yeah, yeah, I
got it. I got I'm ready with the same you're
signed in. Hold on really quick? Can I just say
he looks so cute and that angel costume with those
boxing gloves. Thanks. Well, look, you know I read I
(17:27):
read the script. No, I can hear you. You guys
are right in front of me, like, yeah, okay, sorry,
it's you look at Thanks. I appreciate that. Do you
have any questions for us? No? I mean, um, it's
a script is pretty self explanatory. These guys, they're all Americans, right,
that's the yes and the scene. Okay. I just didn't
know if you guys wanted an accent or anything. How
(17:49):
many are you? How many? Oh, I'm this, I'm this many? Wow?
Can I just put sidebar for a second? Do you
think it's not I'm not like, can hear everything you guys?
Do you want me to do? You would just like
me to step out of the room. I'll speak in code.
He's a big boy. What do you want to say?
I'm worried that the script is gonna unveil a very
(18:12):
important figure, like what if there was something he didn't
know about Santa Claus and the script might unveil that.
Is there a way we can avoid spoilers? Good concern,
that's a good concern. Yeah. I don't know why we
have HR at the auditions these days, but what are
you gonna do? I think for this very reason, you
can't keep your hands to yourself. Excuse me. I'm Steven's
(18:33):
mother and just I was waiting outside. It was taking
a while. I just want to make sure everything's going. Okay, Mom,
everything's fine. Get your stop licking my face everything. It's
a little dirt on your face there, but that's gross, Like, please,
can you come over here? Come on, Steve's mom. I'm
(18:54):
the producer of the production. This is our director and
this is our third pretty HR quick question. R name
your position, it's my position. Resources. Does Stephen? Does Stephen
still believe in the magic of the Holidays? Oh? Yes, yes,
(19:15):
I haven't told him about Santa Okay, okay, okay, okay,
So this is the concern. Yes, Why are you guys
so concerned about Santa Claus? What happened to him? No,
nothing's happened to him. Nothing's happened to Stephen. He's behind
Stevie and he'll be there on December twenty five. He
is every year. Thanks, Mom, You've read the sides, as
(19:39):
you said, you've prepared the audition. So I'm gonna ask
hr to stand down here. Okay, all right, I'm just
afraid of what's going to happen. Well, that's your job
to be afraid, and it's my job to be carefree
and um yeah yeah, and irresponsible. So Stephen, let's go ahead.
And when you're ready to go ahead and jump sure, sure,
(20:02):
mommy daddy, why are you always fighting? Can I just
give you a quick note? Yeah? Yeah, kind of throw
that away. It seems like you're making too much of
a thing. I mean, okay, just throw that away. You're
not terribly impressed that they're fighting yet again, he's been
taking improv classes. Yeah, give me a suggestion, then, Could
(20:28):
I get a suggestion for a way to just throw
that line away? Okay, children, get around, gather around now.
I'm about to post a list here. Okay, if your
name is not on the list, we won't be using
you this season, but that doesn't mean you can't come back,
um next season. Um, does anybody have any questions? Let's
(20:48):
just see the cast list. Okay, okay, um okay, I'm
gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Here we go, Yes, unbelievable,
A bitch in your first Your HR? Is that correct? Yes,
(21:09):
I'm a HR. You can call me Judy, Judy. I
have a concern. My child auditioned for this holiday production
and was not cast. Now that isn't a concern, But
when I came to pick her up and she was bawling,
I saw what looked like seventeen eighteen grown adults walking out,
(21:31):
high fiving and whatnot, saying to her in your face, Uh,
what am I missing here? Is this an adult production
or a child production? Children? I am so sorry, but
it looks like your daughter didn't make it, so I'm
actually HR for her. It's it's unfortunate the way the
lines aren't kind of gets blurry. But she's not an employee,
(21:55):
so I'm not responsible. Understood, understood, But just between you
and I just just just human human. Am I crazy?
Or is this cast full of adults pretending to be children?
Come on now, full of adults? This is a children's play.
Sometimes you have to hire the best of the best.
And they got in their cars and drove away. Some
(22:18):
looks like some of the kids waiting for them. It
would be illegal for us to have grown adults portraying children.
That's not the way it works. That's okay. How did
the audition for the school play go? Honey? Not great?
Do you want me to take off your shoes here?
(22:39):
Let's take him off so you're not comfortable? Yeah, tell
your mom what happened? What happened you? But peds so wonderfully? Yeah?
I worked, I worked really hard. I had a song
and everything I wanted to do. But some some guy
with a beard's gonna play Annie. Wait, but how does
that look? Look? Look? Okay? Two things are happening here, darling.
(23:02):
Two things. Okay, One, our child has no talent, but
too But two she was beat out by what I
I feel like I'm losing my mind. I think it
was all adults. I think there are adults pretending to
be children in this production. Okay? But also also her
range is yeah, can we go back to go back
to one for a second. Were insisting that our genius
(23:26):
daughter has no talent, no innate talent. I mean, sure
she's smart, but she doesn't there's no soul behind what
she's singing, not like you, darling, you when you sing
their soul? Alright, Tom, alright, Tom, settled there, honey, honey,
do any character from a Disney movie or attraction go okay?
(23:46):
Um this here's the wildest riding the wilderness? About that? Tom?
Does that? Want help? And they were in the same country,
shepherds biting in the field, keeping watch over their flock
by night. I low, the Angel of the Lord came
upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round
about them, and they were sore afraid, and the angel said,
(24:09):
unto them, fear not. Well, that's that's really good. Listen,
you're just hr okay. The director needs to give at
this point. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I came all right,
even positive ones, and I just need a quick affirmation.
(24:33):
There's Judy's huh. Honestly, you're allowed to be here apparently,
but I don't see anything in the by laws where
you speak, So thank you, Gerald. Can I ask, uh,
have you had actual acting training? Have you attended any
acting class? I don't know if you're sort of genius
(24:54):
by training or you're a natural, which would you say? Yeah? Well,
I mean what what I've done nerve uh my method?
You know, I'm pretty much pretty much classically trained, and
Gerald remind me, Oh, so that's that's what the posture
is all about. Jerald. What's how how old are you?
(25:16):
How many? Um? This many? Okay? Wow, wonderful, wonderful. Did
you hear you went to Juilliard? Is that a thing?
Is that? Did that happen? Yeah? That's a thing and
that happened. Okay. I was expecting to get a lot
of ship for carrying this security blanket. But m looks
(25:39):
like I'm all right, Okay, everybody yet round. The reviews
are in. The reviews are, and now listen, whatever it
says in the paper, it doesn't mean, it doesn't take
away from the experience. Our director has been so wonderful.
He support his entire heart and soul to this production,
as you all know. Um sure, I'm a producer, but
I also felt like some of your mothers if I'm
being honest, being honest, and Judy's here, okay, here we go,
(26:05):
here we go. Okay, Well the headline is are these
even kids? This is good performed and we sent them
to a new place. Yeah, okay, who's the critic? Um?
Oh that's John Suption Coption attention to John Suption. Right, Okay,
(26:29):
let's see what he says. He says, hold on everybody.
This seems like the people on stage are full grown adults.
As a matter of fact, I was in traffic school
with one of them two weeks ago. What does you
mean by hold on everybody? A way to start? Yeah,
not a great lead. You have to consider the source. Yeah,
(26:51):
who would say hold on everybody at the time? That
doesn't mean sense. Also, it implies everyone is speaking at
him and who is this? You want a pullitzer for criticism? Everybody?
Let me continue now, everybody just holds on. He wrote that, Well, Um, Judy,
(27:19):
as you know, the play is a hit, and we
are we're going to a Broadway. Um, I know, but
Broadway has Broadway hr. I know it does, and I understand.
I understand. It's just we want to offer you a
role role. But I'm I'm this many. We know, we know,
(27:44):
but there's the grandmother role, the old old grandmother who's dying.
Every word is dying. Well, but I'm only this many,
So like that's a little it's a stretch. That's all
we can do. If you want to be a part
of the production and you have to always. If you
haven't noticed, I've snuck into every audition room. I'm at
(28:05):
all the play readings. Yes, I'll take it. I'll take
the role. Welcome to Broadway. Wow, children, do I have
to let the other old lady go? Well, we'll tell
her right now. Children, get around and get around. What's up?
What's up? Put the cigarettes out? You shouldn't be smoking.
(28:31):
We got good news. We're going to the show. What show?
Were we going to major League Baseball? This show is
going to Broadway. You said we're going to the show.
Are we gonna be in the show and to go
to the show to Broadway? The house seats? Okay, here's
what I meant. We're going to the show. Prom I
(28:52):
got tickets for everybody while and while we're in New York,
we're going to also put up this production. We're a hit. Okay, cool,
that sounds good. Yeah, we deserve it. So we're gonna
have to renegotiate salaries. Then, yes, an understudy for the matinees.
(29:14):
I don't do the matinees. Okay, yes, of course, um, yes, yes,
we will get to that. We will follow all the
equity laws and by laws. Is that you know? Yeah,
there's pretty laws and by laws. Yeah, are you remember
I am? I am? There's always an asterisk next to
my name in the in the play. Honestly, I don't
(29:40):
buy it. I don't buy that you have. And here,
by the way, oh, this is actually good and bad news,
good news for Judy kind of. Are you sure that
I should do this in front of everybody? I think
that's the time, Tara, Tara, You've done a great run
here at the local theater. But we're going to Broadway,
(30:01):
so we're gonna have to let you go. And I'm
gonna be playing the role of the old old lady
dying grandma. Okay, okay, okay, hold on, hold on, you're
doing me a favor. I don't want to go to Broadway.
I can't do eight shows for seventy four hours. But
you are from HR and you should not be acting
(30:21):
in any production of anything other than HR presents. We're boring,
and since we're since we're being honest, I need you
all to know I'm not an adult producer. What the
hell is that? Wait? I'm six. He's taking his trench
(30:41):
coat off. Three of them, he's four, three kids, he's five.
We all go to Cartman elementary in your face. Yeah. Second,
you guys are good actors a Broadway that a scene
to everybody. Scene three. Scene three comes to us from
(31:09):
patron Alcamaniac Allison from Philly. Allison was in one of
our zooms that the Alcomnia actually got to be in,
and we loved having her with us for that. She wrote, Hi, there,
I'd like to witness firsthand the writers of junk mail,
especially the ones just send me pink cardstock and so on.
Um pretty selected, pre qualified. Yeah, Allison from Philly. So
(31:35):
the writers of junk mail ps great to hang on
zoom with you. All those perks are the best, were
they were the best? Allison technicality, too soon, too soon.
This is really gonna trick people. Take a look at this.
(31:55):
It's kind of gold star on the top and it
says you're the winner. Okay, just if there are no
bad ideas right now, so please keep going. Huh, Well,
that was that was what I had prepared over the
weekend for today. Traditionally, you're in this case would be
spelled with an apostrophe. Are e yeah ship. Well, I
(32:16):
mean this is just this is a prototype. I'm sure
that when we put it to the presses we can,
but we had a direct policy about presenting in this
room with your finished product. So I'm sorry, you're gonna
have to leave the island. Uh I have, I have
Uh wait wait wait are you see you're leaving the island. Yeah, yeah,
(32:39):
I got your bag. Great to see you, Craig go Okay, Timothy,
what do you got? Yeah? First of all, he should
have known not to bring a prototype to the finals.
Come on here, I present to you the envelope in
which the information will be In the envelope looks like
(33:00):
it's handwritten. Oh great, love those Yeah, but it's not. So.
I've developed a font. You can type any name, any address,
and it looks like it's coming from a friend. Oh
and you've even got a slight smudge there. That's a
nice is that well? And that, let me tell you,
that's where the tech really came in. It wasn't even
(33:21):
I mean, this is new tech, the smudge tech. It
looks like somebody did it. And I think the open
rate on this envelope um an No, I know, we've
we've had a hard time getting over the open rate.
A lot of people rip, they read and rip, read
(33:41):
and rip. I think I think, I think we've got
an opening here. That is my contribution. That was beautiful.
Thanks guys, Thanks guys, I got one for you. Yeah, Greg, No, no, no,
no, no no, no, it's gonna work time. It's gonna work
this time. Yeah. Check this out. Look at that. Look
(34:03):
at that. Doesn't that look official? Doesn't that look official?
But technically we can't get in trouble because it says
Federal Bureau of Investigation, United States of Amcara. See what
I did. So people are gonna we can't get sued.
We can't get sued by the defense this time. I
mean years is a pronunciation issue. I don't know that
that is gonna clear what I do? Like, do you
(34:25):
put stickers on it? Well, look it's it's smelled from America,
but it's pronounced a meccaa. See you look the stickers.
Look there's eagles. That was an eagle. That one was
the Great Seal of the United States of Amcara. Yeah, well,
this one's gonna work this time. I promise nobody's gonna
go to jail again this time. It's Look, if you
(34:46):
think everything's gonna put us out of business, we're not
gonna get in trouble this time, guys, I swear, why
is that? How are we not gonna because I changed
enough of it around that the government can't get mad
at us. Todd, Honey, we got an official letter. It's
from the FBI. Oh shit, I'm not opening it. I
(35:08):
have nothing to do with this time. You said you stopped,
You said you stopped all of the bad stuff, and
here we are not opening the letter. Doesn't make it
not exist. Okay, we we should burn it. We should
burn the letter, don't you fucking light. You told me
we were safe, You told me we were done with
this life, and now the FBI is sending us letters.
(35:33):
All right, well, well you know what, maybe if we
just show up at their office in person and explain ourselves.
I mean it was it's a simple oopsie loop this
regretting um this letter. Yes, sir, we haven't opened the letter,
but we just wanted to the time we will confess
(35:54):
all of our Well, I wouldn't call them um crime
record this. No, please please starting local. You don't mind,
I don't mind, Okay, I mean it's probably in the
letter anyway, Okay, I Mary Elizabeth Burke, I am admitting
(36:19):
to the crimes which I have committed. I'll start there. Okay,
n the crimes, I'm sure they're in your letter, but
if you need to hear them from me, um, well, baby, Okay,
I found it, Dan Burke. I have found it pretty precise, Bob,
(36:46):
Dan Bob Burke, I found it. Is there something wrong
with the melan niue, Bob Robert, I think would be okay?
But well, my parents wanted something nice and simple. Damn
bumper damp, your honor? Can we fast forward through this
part of the tape? Dan, Bob, you get in here.
(37:07):
I said, it's attack. I'm coming. I'm coming, mom. Yeah,
let's fast forward through this. I think the judge has
a good point. Prosecution would definitely like the fast forward.
All right, look, I'm gonna I'm gonna pause that. I'm
gonna pause the tape right here at six minutes fifty
one seconds. This is where the confession actually happens, Your honor.
(37:30):
I'm just gonna hit play right here. I found the
perfect way to fold a dollar bill and have it
eject from a vending machine and still give sodas. Got
a little hole in a quarter. We got snacks, we
got we got chips, we got sweet snacks we got.
I don't know if that's actually a federal crime. Well,
(37:54):
you that wrong in my notes. Let me fast forward
a little bit. It's a little further than that. They're
right here, right here, forty one minutes and fifty two
seconds play, and that is also not a federal crime.
I'm so sorry. Let me pause. I'm just gonna fast forward.
All right. We're at three hours, twenty six minutes and
(38:14):
nineteen seconds. I think this is what I wrote this
in my notes. This is where they actually confess to
a crime. Okay, so you want to a six inch
tuna with with nothing on? Justus the tuna? Okay, hit pause,
your honor. I might have grabbed the wrong legal pad
today coming into the courtroom. Um, you know what, you
know what, Let me just let me just try one more,
(38:35):
Let me just try one more. Dig around in here.
Oh here it is here, it is right here. Wrote
it on a napkin, so sorry, wrote it on a
napkin right here. It's at eleven hours and nine minutes
even right fast forward to that and there it is. Yeah,
I'm sorry. Um a mega wine? What's that? What was that?
(38:58):
Did you say? I put myself a mega Uh wine.
That's ridiculous. Yeah, okay, I mean this are you the bad?
How are you? It's just where's the other agent who
got the sandwich is nine hours ago? We're really tired.
(39:21):
We can pause right there. We can pause right there,
Your honor. So that begs the question this gentleman on
the witness stand, what was he doing in there with
a mega of wine? What were you doing in there
with the mega of wine? I knew we'd get to
that spot on the tape eventually. It looks like to
me he was just re enacting a moment from the
(39:42):
Johnny Depp heard trial. I may I may have mixed
my tapes up again, Your honor. I apologize. Well, I
think it's a great idea for for a scam. But
I mean, what all right, hypothetically Greg, and you're not
(40:02):
leaving the island obviously, And yes, I came up with
the cool fond where it looks like it's handwritten but
just hybridically with yours. Greg. What if somebody thought they
were gonna get in trouble and they never actually opened
the letter, and they take that letter directly to the
FBI and then incriminate themselves in some kind of well,
why might that ever happen? Though? What didn't? I'm being stupid?
(40:23):
So okay, in your scenario, they thin gets the NBI,
they open it, and they realized that there's a tire seal. Yeah, exactly.
It's all about the envelope. It's all about the envelope.
I'm an idiot. I mean idiot. I mean you're under
arrest for not taking advantage of savings. That's good, that's good,
that's good. I don't know. I guess I have this
(40:44):
weird imagination. You know, it just takes me to weird places.
At least we didn't get kicked off. At least we
didn't get kicked off the island. Hey, Gregg, can I
ask you a question? Yeah, since we're just in our
bunks waiting for tomorrow. Sure, when you close your eyes, like,
can you actually picture what a MECA would actually look like?
(41:09):
Like a dream place? It's it's my utopia. It's the
place I've always wanted to go. We're the only thing
the Federal Bureau of Investigation is investigating is the price
of tires. And and nobody nobody bothers you, and and
you can do whatever you want, and all the mail
(41:29):
is has stickers. Yeah, and and and and everyone has
their own circus, even dogs, even dogs, and and and
then in the circus of my dreams, in the circus
of my dreams, it's just the dogs riding around on clowns.
Doesn't that sound nice? Is this? Doesn't that sound nice? Guys? Guys,
open the window. Holy shit, he keep craig, you came back.
(41:56):
Let me in, Let me in. I jumped off the boat.
You're not supposed umped off the boat. Let me come,
I let me okay here the buds open. Yeah, Oh
my god, what you are drenched? You're getting water everywhere. Shure,
I need a pair of close one if you give
me a pair of clothes, A pair of clothes, A
pair of clothes, the tops, bottoms, tops, bottoms. All right,
(42:24):
So you were sent to an island where you were
forced to brainstorm ideas for for for junk mail. And
you you weren't compensated in any way for this. You
you lived in cabins and bunks. That's right. Feel free
to confirm this at any point. That's that's correct. Well,
(42:48):
that's that's not a federal crime. Well, it felt that
we were kidnapped. We were kidnapped well, then the yeah,
where did you go willingly? Or were you forced to
go to the okay? Then that you were not kidnapped
if you went, but it felt it wasn't great. The
cabins were in full disclosure. I was kicked off the
(43:09):
island tonight and I risked my life and swam back.
But it really didn't feel fair. Well they told you
to go, then you're you're fine. But yeah, but you know,
Mr Agent, part of me I just I just see
something fell off your desk. It looks like handwritten letter
from somebody, so I don't know, it's probably important. Yeah,
(43:31):
wait a minute, this is from the FBI. You are
the FBI, right, that's weird. Why with the FBI write
me a little? But it's written in such a nice cursive,
it's clearly it's clearly for me. That looks official. Yes,
Agent Michaels, you got a letter. You were saying, Yes,
(43:56):
I'm not sure if this was the right department to
go to, but yeah, let's find out what what what
is your concern about this letter? Well, I I don't
know why it was sent to my desk or why
it wasn't done over email or somebody. Uh, you know,
requested a one on one with me. But it's it's
a very nice letter. Aside, What is the content of
(44:21):
concern within the letter? Well, uh, this says that the
federal First of all, just to say, it reads, if
you would please. Okay, well, we're getting emphasize it's the FPN.
We're trying to keep things pretty precise, but okay, it
(44:41):
reads thank you. Listen up people. Wow, that does feel
like it says it does. Well, that's that's why. That's
why I use that that phrase exactly. It says, listen up, people,
(45:03):
the Federal Breast Investigators need to check the size of
your bra. Right. Okay, well, I don't know where to
begin unpacking that, but let's start with the fact that
you do. You're concerned because of your possible involvement and
(45:28):
what one feels like I'm implicated in this. It does
to me as well, but you would know better than
me as to whether there's any reason for you to
be concerned. Look, it's really good that you came to
see us. We are the Federal Boob Investigators. Official investigators
are breast investigators. Well, there's we have different units here. Yes,
(45:52):
officially I an official, right, the left one and the
right one. Right, that's correct, that's correct. Now, um, please
excuse this work that we're renting our actual headquarters, much
like the Pentagon is under Yeah, this is very very
spare here renovation. But there's coffee. This's coffee. Anyway, let's
get back to your particular case. Um. Now, did you
(46:14):
know that of bra wearers are wearing a bra that
doesn't fit them properly? Bobby football tournament in five three there? Um,
But with your help and this coupon, you can get
a free fitting. Look, I'm I don't wear bras. I
(46:38):
I'm not sure why this has to take place on
an island either though. This it wasn't easy to get here, sure, sure,
but you are here and you are eligible for a
free fitting. Or you could also give that fitting to
a friend or family member, but they have to take
their way here to the island. I didn't need all
(46:59):
of these return address labels either, Like I'm never I'm
never going to use all of these. Those are yours?
Those yours? You don't pay, don them, I don't need them.
We gonna we cannot take them back? Actually yours those
these return address labels? Okay, okay, fair enough, fair enough. Yeah,
this this feels weird to be honest, like, as an
(47:22):
agent for so many years, it feels like the tables
have been turned and I'm on the other side now,
and it doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good, right,
it doesn't feel good, but you know, it does feel
good when your breasts are cups the way they should be. Okay,
all right, if you if if you need me to
buy a bra to just get you off my back, uh,
(47:43):
then then I'll do it. That sounds good. So what
are we looking at here? It's uh, I think I'm
a twenty eight a. You know, guys, this has been
a weird business idea business idea part of me getting
(48:05):
come out here on this island to buy a brawl
and then leave it. I feel weird. I feel weird.
That was the point. We were supposed to feel weird. Yeah,
And besides, look, how are we supposed to know what
makes a good business? We're only this many it's business?
Oh sorry, business? Yea, all right, listen, I say we
(48:29):
do uh cheerios again for lunch and some juice boxes
for dinner, all in favor saying these dollar bills look
almost almost perfect. You can totally use them. You can
totally use them in the store. We're not going to
get caught again again. Come on, darling, you say we
(48:51):
can't get out again again, What are the odds? We're
pretty much off the grid now and pause it right there?
Pause it? Did you hear it? I do? I find
the confession. That is our show for today. Yeah, well
done everyone. Uh let's um, well, gosh, let's start with
(49:11):
Dr James Heeney. Thank you so much for at least
washing your head. Thank you. That was an off That
was an off recording comment. I only washed the top
part of my head, but that was private that you've divulged.
(49:32):
Last chance to break some some news, our second, last
chance to break some news. Um, but thank you so
much for being here, James, Yes, thanks for having me.
And please, if you can get a chance and muster
up the courage to watch the video game footage, go
to YouTube and check out Team Front. It's a heck
of a lot of fun. You'll have some laughs even
if you're not a gamer. Right on. Thank you for that.
(49:55):
Mark Gagley already, good sir, oh man, thank you, thank you,
thank you. This is always so fun. Uh yeah, you
guys are delightful. What a fun show? Uh and uh
find me, I'm at mark Gags. We got this with
Mark and Hall on the Maximum Fun Network and Blood
and Treasure season two on Paramount Plus. It has dropped.
Uh July dropped? Hello, Yeah, July on Disneyland's birthday. H Right?
(50:21):
Even better? Right? And it drops on which network? On
Paramount Plus? Yeah, I gotta have the US in the
trek shows. Sure, yeah, well, congrats on that. Look forward
to singing to thank you again for being a Greg
Kakowski so much fun. I don't remember what I did
uh off Mike or on Mike, but but you can
(50:44):
put it all. You can put all out there for
the part takeoff. Yeah, we have um a little three
minute versions of the show that we're going to release
all the patrons subscribers. That was just the front part
of the show before we actually starts. Yeah. Yeah. When
it's usually like do we all have the right mikes?
(51:07):
The caster's going, can you check your en tester? Mike? Yeah,
Chris Alvarado, thank you, ol Man Shore. I love doing this.
I love you guys fair enough. I love you back.
Do you want to steer anyone towards UM? So you
know what you can go to at Chris Alvarado. That's
my Instagram where I don't do a lot or you know,
(51:28):
if you want to see me for probably less than
one full second on screen, but you still want to
get a sense of me, check out Hacks. I'm on
the second the last episode of the second season of Hacks.
Craig saw he did you recognize me? Okay? So I
am right now this second and last episode. So the
whole second season of Hacks is already aired, and it's
(51:50):
already aired, viewable and viewable on HBO Max Hot damn,
good news. I will look for you and thank you. Chris.
You were great. You were great. I should say thanks,
you know, it's not it's you know, I'm not. I'm
not gonna television like Mark I did, like go to
Rome and all over the world. We stuff. I just
went down to Century City and Century City. Chris, Chris,
(52:13):
stay focused. You're not selling right now. Okay, you're not
selling at all the show. Why we hired you, Why
we want you to be in the Hacks universe. Yeah,
that's right, that's right. I'm in the Hacks universe. Thank you.
I'm not happy to be there. Yes, um let's thank
our producer and engineer to the stars, Mr Doug Bane. Fine,
(52:35):
folks that I hurt, Media who cannot believe we're saying goodbye,
bump them. They just don't know what they're gonna do
without it. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Thank you again,
each and every one of you. We uh love you
now more than ever. Please tell everyone you've ever met
how much you enjoy this show and how you can't
(52:59):
wait to see those last few episodes. Until next time,
Shan h
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
Popular Podcasts
1. Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
2. Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
3. Crime Junkie
If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people.