December 29, 2020 • 54 mins
Joey & Caroline are genies playing scissors/paper/rock
Several grooms show up for one bride
The blob falls out of space and attacks a gym
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode about me, this COVID nineteen edition.
And I'm your host, Kevin Paul Like yes, last Kevin, Hello,
but I digress. Let's meet a shower no particular orders.
Say hey to Craig Kakowski. Kakow, how's the Christmas tree?
(00:22):
Look at? It's uh, it's a towering three ft tall.
Huh it's uh it's artificial. Uh No, no trees were killed?
Um and uh yeah, Carlo put it all together. I
think we put it up the first day of November,
so it's been up for a while. I feel that
(00:43):
wait until the day after Thanksgiving. Nice, I don't because
Thanksgiving was so late. I refused to wait till after Thanksgiving. Also,
damn it, don't rob me out of a couple of weeks.
But it sounds like at three feet not much plastic
was harmed in the process either. No, that's good too.
So yeah, the ice caps can I can stay put.
(01:06):
Appreciate you now. Please welcome Caroline Carter, Carter as and
Potter as in Poper. What was a favorite childhood Christmas gift?
And why? Um a gift is? Well, I'll tell you
one that wasn't so sure because I don't remember anything,
which means that maybe gifts are pointless. But one Christmas,
(01:28):
I accidentally squirted this like medicated face washed directly into
my eye and I like burn my cornia. Um so
I was spent the whole Christmas morning like crying, and
my siblings were like, Caroline, such a fucking bit, she's
ruining Christmas for us. Um your nineteen. This happened this
(01:49):
year when I was I'm nineteen years old, So yeah,
you look older than thank you. Yeah, I get that
a lot. Thank you, Thank you so much. Hey, there's
Mark Gagliardi where Marcus of Gagle Artists. What was a
typical Christmas morning like in your childhood? Typical Christmas morning
when I was a kid was we would get up
(02:13):
at like we would set alarms to see who could
get up the earliest because we wanted to get down there.
And it was like there was one year I remember
I set the alarm for four am, and I went
downstairs at four am and just started playing with toys
and uh, and my mom came down the stairs and
just looked at me and she was like this, you've
(02:34):
gone too far and she and she sent me back
upstairs to just which is torture because you're sitting there
thinking about the toys that you know are down there
you've already opened at four am with no one else
around in the dark. Yea. From then on out, it
was more like, oh, maybe I should make this about
the family, unless about the presence that reminds me of
(02:56):
a of a Santa outing. In my childhood, we were
so reform, we were practically Catholics, and my parents couldn't
explain why we couldn't have a Christmas tree, So in
fact we did. And at four am I went down
to check to check on Santa, and there was Pops
with a Scotch and his Sanditch. Come back to your
as he's as he's wrapping up the last few gifts.
(03:19):
Yeah that was a was a heartbreaker for a four
and a half year old. But anyway, uh and now
it's just Alvarado time. See Masterrado, how are you at
wrapping gifts? I'm not as good as I want to be,
but damn if I don't try hard. Yeah, I really
(03:42):
want to make this look good and I just I
can't get it tight enough. That's right, That's the fold
is always a little a little like bubbly, and then
I put it on its side and I shut the
box down to get the tightness on the bottom. That
might work, But now I got this one up here
and it's not. And it's a bummer because I really
try so hard. I think the fine folks who make
the wrapping paper know this about us, and the papers
(04:05):
designed so that it will never be perfectly tough. But
let's be honest. Though you pay a little more, you
get at you get a better paper, You get a
little the little lines, it's a little thicker. It kind
of holds the crease a little more. You know, you
better watch yourself getting nuts, Get nuts, and last but
a lump of cold Stratton if you think him least,
(04:27):
it's Joey Greer peppermint patty breath. How did you do that? Again? Uh, honestly,
it was a it was a cosmetic surgery, so it
wasn't And I did it myself and it's really simple
and anyone can do it at home. You get a
whole bunch of peppermint sticks, you melt them down, and
you're gonna want to get to two to six dozen
(04:48):
syringes because you're gonna want you're gonna need to like
inject it like several times over the course of as
many days as it takes too and six dozen, Yeah,
and uh, it's it's it's not as bad as it sounds.
You're gonna have to inject into the really soft tissue
in the back of your throat and then you're you're
just gonna have to just keep pumping it in there,
keep pumping it in there. And this is what got me.
(05:09):
You're gonna think it's plus that's for me. It's not.
It's not that's for us. Exactly. There's nothing infected. And
you might have trouble swallowing, you might have trouble breathing thinking,
but don't worry that. All that stuff just kind of
goes out the window once like that sweet sweet peppermint
flavor is just it's kind enough to do the math
(05:34):
for in the chat space. All of our scene suggestions
are gathered from your listener emails or from our lovely
Patreon v I p s. To become a patron support
of the show and enjoy exclusive content like video of
what's happening right the fun now, just head on over
to patreon dot com slash, speaking of which there is
now a podcast called Alchemy that it's not just on Reddit.
(06:00):
Yeah it's not. It's no longer unread it anymore, or
just it's full blown z's. I listened to the first episode,
and I gotta be honest, it was helpful. It was helpful,
good night. I didn't know certain things about myself that
I now know, and I would recommend that for each
and every damn one of you. Uh yeah, and also
(06:23):
I think it's comprised of just alcamaniacs. So there's literally
nothing we can do to shut it down. So let's
make it a positive thing. Uh. If you'd like to
have bit of scene via old time email, please write
to the podcast at your name here at alchemyst dot com.
That's your name here at It's weird Seen. One comes
(06:48):
from Luca, who wrote, and yes this was pulled for
today's cast. Joey and Caroline play a couple of genies
playing a complicated and elaborate game of scissors paper rock. Yeah.
I don't think that's what's how it's described, thank Luca. Alright, alright, okay,
(07:10):
now listen, is that you? Is that you whispies? Is
that it's my whispies? Get them off of me? All right,
they have. You know that, my whispies have their own
brain and they can do whatever they want. You have
some of the weirdest wishes I've ever seen in my love.
They wished for that. That's your whispies. They're whispies. They're
(07:31):
not wishies. I think you're I'm saying you're wishy people
that wishes for. I know what they're called, the wishes.
I call them wishes. Understand what you're not understanding what
I'm saying. I'm saying that the people you granted wishes
for are really weird. You've got a weird energy about you,
(07:53):
and you just attract these people who just like make
these really weird wishes. I can't. I am a genie
that is in a toilet. Okay, So the kind of
that find me, yeah, but I'm in the top tank.
You're in the bottom tank. So the kind of people
that find me are people who are exclusively trying to
do double deckers. A protector. They're just trying to look
(08:14):
they're pooping in both of us, all right, they're pooping
in both of our little cages here, all right, Yeah, yeah,
I'll be right out. I'm just saying they're a lines
forming out here. I can buddy every other it's the
only would just die. Look, man, we know it's the
(08:34):
only stall. Okay, can you just can you just relax?
Do you? I just really sorry? Can you get six
ft away from me? Please? I'm just I'm standing here
in this line. I'm standing here in this line. I'm
waiting to get into this bathroom. He's been in there
for god knows how long. Well, I don't even know
what's going on in this toilets behind just die shot.
(09:00):
Oh my god, I went through. But are you in
the stall? What's happening? Damn a Genie? And I don't
tell you something else that my coworker accidentally shot up
your asshole, so he's possessing your rectum. Fine, I have
(09:22):
a question for you, But I have a real quick question.
Are you affecting a voice right now? Or do you
know this is what I think, Genie sound like? Does
it sound like I'm doing a voice. I'm just saying
you don't have to try that hard. You appeared in
this bathroom stall, and that's I'm just I have childhood traumas.
(09:44):
People didn't believe me. Okay, follow up on the dude
of my ass what's happening now? So my coworker I
have two genies. Yes, my coworker, Gene is the bottom
tank genie and he shot. You must have an extra
large butthole because he shot right up there when he
was supposed to just come out of the stall. And
(10:05):
we're going to do a whole thing to ask kind
of who you want to have Granger wish genies into
my office? No, oh, my gosh, some of it is
still in my hair. Do you know why you're here today?
Probably probably did something wrong, But can you tell this
(10:26):
genes take a shower or something first? I don't know
way and probably did something wrong, is right? Boober? Boober boner?
You two are not doing a great job being genies. Now.
I don't have to tell you that, do I wasn't
the toilet. What do you expect My dad was from
(10:48):
that lamp that they found. Indeed, to mention your father,
your father was the greatest genie, and then you came along,
Boober and ruined his name. I didn't. I have a
very special assignment for one of you. I'll do it.
There's no, it's not okay, that's not how that works.
(11:11):
You have to wait till he finished, asked the question,
then you can buzzn't thank you? Now, there was a
very there's a nu lamp. Well it's an old lamp. Okay,
so he said, I thought you said new the lamp,
and I got what I don't Please let me finish.
There was there's a lamp, a very famous lamp. Okay,
(11:34):
I haven't finished. I haven't finished. But the genie inside
has expired. You know how it goes if? Yes, so
I have the I have did you just hear it her? Okay? No,
you know how it goes. If nobody rubs the lamp
for two years, the genie inside dies. So there's a
(11:58):
basic one of you is a leap the toilets. I
know that. I did not know that that has come
up for us because people use the toilet and the
red lobster all the time. So when did you will
be promoted? Year? On day three d sixty four, I've
(12:18):
got one day left. Where is this lamp? I don't
know where it is? Clearly this is They told me
this would happen. And look, I just want to tell
all my genie family how much I love them. Oh,
why won't somebody rub my lamp? And look at that lamp.
Wake at this one. Hear a voice, she got lamp
(12:38):
over there, it's beautiful. I hear a voice. Too many lamps.
I don't. I'm inside. I'm inside. Please rub it, honey,
grabbed that lamp. Put it in the cart. Maybe we'll
maybe we'll take it in these tongs. Why do you
don't touch on the tongs? Touch it with your hands,
with your human hands. Another lamp over here? Can you
(13:02):
hear me? I can graduate three wishes. Why are you
calling it a lamp. There's no light bulb. Listen right,
Arabian lamp. You're fucking idiots. Just rub it, touch it
with you. Maybe our son is right, so one of
(13:23):
you tube will be inhabiting this lamp. The good wait,
I haven't finished the good No, it's not how that works.
The good news is it has been moved to a location.
It is now in a home goods. So that's that's
positive for both of you, or one of you. I
don't know. I kind of got used to the toilet,
(13:46):
all right. So what you're telling me is you would
just mind in your own business in this bathroom stall.
What I'm telling it, and this dead body sitting out
here in front of the stall is only there and
dead because you wished that it would die and a
genie showed up and killed this guy. Is that what
you're telling me here? That's how you're telling me. Look
(14:08):
through that look through that mirror right there that we
both know ain't a mirror, and tell those people what
you just told me. Detective. Did you find any sort
of weapon at the scene? I you know what, No,
I did not find a weapon. We've been trying to
figure that out that I can't, for the life of me,
figure out how you killed this guy right here in
the middle of a public bathroom with a whole queue
(14:30):
six ft apart. Do you ever just look through this
little two way mirror and think to yourself, like, man,
what if what if they can see you? You know
what I mean? I mean, if the people on the
other side of the Americans see us? Yeah? You ever
just do you ever just looked through that mirror and
(14:51):
just go man, what if they what if they can
see us here? Anything? No, I think they can if
they look close enough. You can't go on the other side,
go on the other side of the mirror. There was
(15:12):
a guy in getting the turket right now, what you detectives,
infice in my office? What is going on? Huh huh
huh didn't We were bored, so we were having a conversation.
(15:32):
Nothing interesting was happening on the other side. This is
an active investigation. Woun't mean nothing interesting is going on.
We're trying to figure out who killed that person. And
you two were talking about how that the mirror is
seither or not. That's not what we are saying. That's
not what we're like. I was saying. I was saying, actually, Chief, like,
what what do they see us? Okay, your father was
(15:55):
a great cop. Your father was a great cop, God
rest his soul, and my dad, yeah you're dead. Oh oh,
you're saying you're not great. Well, detective, you were right
to call it a forensic proctologist. I I took a
look in there, and there's no evidence of a genie
currently in there, but the but there there was a
(16:18):
genie at some point, because you're telling me the genies
are real. Look, I don't know how you know. I
don't know whether it was a lower deck genie or
an upper deck genie, but a genie shot into that
guy's asshole and uh and granted him three wishes. Oh
my god, we got we we got somebody in there
sitting in a jail. Cell Ain done nothing wrong. He's
(16:39):
been telling the truth this whole time. We gotta we
gotta arrest that genie. How do you arrest the genie?
They were just you're just being a lab here and
just look at all the different like I guess, like
fluids and stuff, and think like where do they can
see us? And that has seen one? Oh my god,
(17:06):
somebody stopped him before he kills again. Two comes from
our newest patron v I P. She was newest when
this was written. Oops, and UH might need some help
on the pronunciation of the name c A L l
I O pe calliope calliopee? Sure who wrote? Hello there,
(17:32):
my dear alchemist. I hope I am directing this to
the right place. I have been a bit out of
the loop lately, fighting aliens and rescuing princesses and all that. Huh,
you know, all in a day's work. But today I
bring you a scene suggesting in his wedding day for
our bride, but unbeknownst to her future spouse. Uh, but wait,
(17:55):
what it is? Wedding day for our bride? But unbeknownst
to her, few your spouses several will be showing up
to marry her. Oh the problem none of them are
aware of each other. Yeah, well sure, sending you big
hugs in North Arizona, Love, klaile P. You look stunning.
(18:20):
You look I look like a fucking bitch. No, you don't.
You look so stunny, looks so good. I wish it
was my wedding day, my wedding day. I told you
my one request for my wedding is that you would
not sing. I know you're a Broadway star, you have
an amazing voice, but I just please, this is about me.
(18:42):
And if you start singing, everyone's gonna fall in love
with you. Of course. Okay, I'm so sorry, but it's
just like it makes me every time. It's so happy.
This is such a big day. Oh my god. And Tyler,
Oh my god, what a gem, what a Jemmy Jim,
Oh my gosh. Like I was mining out and some
like North Dakota mine and I found him, and I
(19:04):
found this opal of Tyler. I would keep it out
and hold it. Hold that, Jim. You can't get excited.
Look there they are, my best man, my best man.
You both decided to wear Texas as well. It's kind
of weird. Yeah, Tyler, we're here, you know, we're we're here.
We're we're all the best man, Right, It's a big day, bro,
(19:27):
It's a big day, big day for all three of us,
for all I know. I know, this couldn't have happened better,
to be honest, in a better way, us three. I know. God,
I'm just glad. I'm just happy to say you guys.
I'm really happy you guys are here with me on
this day. I gotta say, it's really it's really sweetie
about to be here. And I wouldn't mean done this
without my two best buds. Yeah, the tractor. Nothing, nothing's
(19:56):
gonna change. You know, nothing's gonna change. Nothing's gonna change.
We're gonna stay the same dudes we always were. Even
if you know, I've got a little bit of you know,
I've got other things on my mind now, but I
always got you two guys on my mind. Just we're
still gonna get together every Tuesday for clue. Yeah, guys,
can I just can I run just like one one
line of my vows by you real quick? Yeah vow sure?
(20:19):
Man that that seems a little unusual, it's dramatic. What
do you mean, what what's unusual about that? Hi? I
am so sorry to interrupt the groom, but it seems
that the several cards are here for you. I guess
that this is justified you to choose from. We have
a Alexis limo, a Hormo limo, and they a motorcycle limo. So, uh,
(20:43):
I don't know which one you want to keep up,
but thank you. Is this where all the grooms are
making up? Uh? The what the grooms? I was told
this was the grooms? Helful man, Tyler? Did you guys?
Did you guys pull a prank? Is this prank? Who's
(21:04):
come on? Who did who did this? Who did this?
To me? Specifically? Who did this? You asking me? Who?
Who did this? Cool lasso? Look at this? This is
are those those chaps and everything? The horses? Well, I'm
here to catch my little lady and make her my own.
What about this little Italian fellow? What's his story? Don't
(21:26):
call him that? Well? Yeah, I mean it's we that's
he runs the car service that's gonna take us to
the church right somewhere else into the chapel where. Yeah,
that's why I'm here. That's so funny you're getting married
(21:48):
on the same day that that that you know this
is happening. That's yuh. Yeah. Yeah, I'm here to make
my Debbie Sue moan and I'm damn happy to be here. Wait,
Debbie Sue is my bread, Debbie is my bride. You're
not referring to Deborah Susan, are you? Is that my bride?
(22:13):
I'm a day thing that Debbie souper. Okay, So um,
when I go out there, I just need you to
hold my train, Okay, and then we're gonna wait. Um,
we did this is a rehearsal dinner yesterday. We had
to run it ten times. You did it wrong every time,
so this time, just please do it right. The wedding
starts in five minutes. They're just gonna just gonna show
(22:35):
up and yeah, that's gonna get married. The d s
there's like a whole bunch of dads are entrance away. Okay.
Can you also not follow me ds please because it
makes me sound like a gaming system and I don't
like that. Okay, Okay, plotting. I'm just so so goddamn
proud of you, Thank you, Thanks dad. This is gonna
(22:59):
be beautiful, so out of my little girl. Thank you, dad.
Can you go sit in the church? Yeah? Right, there
is that my little girl in there? Is that my
little girl in there? Who is this girl? Oh? I'm
I'm just I'm just so proud of my my daughter,
Debbie Sue, I just my daughters. Is Deborah Susan? Wait?
(23:19):
Your your Debora Susan's father? I'm yes, I'm DEBI What
a coincidence. I'm Debbie Sue's father, my little girl Maya's
step Uh is this guy? Sorry? Guys, I should have
explained this. You all are fathers to me, okay, in
different ways throughout my life. The little Italian my biological father,
(23:41):
my other biological father, and wait, what do do do?
Do do do? Let me get out there? He is
they're not hitting the key right. Let me get out everyone.
I'm sorry, but the piano guy needs to understand that
(24:05):
he has to hit the note right. Like this my
wedding day, my wedding. She's come a prize some bow.
What that's going on to me? She does not want
this kind of music. She wasn't a traditional It's something organic,
(24:27):
something cauliflower shoulders from Broadway. What do you guys, don't
up here on the altar. Cowboy man, have you decided
to be my best man or something? I thought I
thought you were the entertainment. That this whole cowboy thing
is real? What is happening here? I'm here? Come hold on,
(24:50):
we can't all be here to marry dever suit that
don't add up? That man? Why don't we ask her? Here?
She comes? Everybody? Stand up? Stand up? Oh god, I'm
so proud little girl. I love that little girl. Beautiful,
so beautiful my wedding day. Shut up. Wait, I just
(25:12):
need to stop the wedding for one second. Tiffany, shut up. Okay,
if you don't stop singing, which thank you already have,
but I was going to threaten you more with thank
you for stopping everyone. This is my day. It's not
about a Broadway star, okay, So it's all about you.
Don't get on the pier, thank you? Okay. Oh oh
(25:35):
my god, you're all here? Yeah, what what's going on?
Deb Oh my god, this is so awkward. Guys, and
to the whole wedding. I'm so sorry everybody that came here. Um, Tiffany,
if you say one more word, I'm going to cut
your head off. That's my girl. Thank you, that's my girl.
(25:58):
That's my girl. That crazy another homicide here, got a
woman shut off. Do you ever think they can't They
can see us through the glass. They could also hear us,
do you think that? No, I don't think that, because
(26:19):
they can do both. It's not a sound proof vision proof.
Go go, They're not gonna be able to hear. Okay, fine,
what do you want me to do? Scream in front
of it? No? No, that I mean they're interrogating that
bride and then you can't just go in there and
just do it right now. But excuse me, I'm the
forensic practologist. Do you think there was were there any
(26:40):
ass related elements to this murder? It was like just
a clean head cut off. Yeah. Also, I thought you
got I thought you were on leave, unpaid leave, because
you said everything was asked related. Yeah, I am ah.
Just when I think I'm out, pulled me back in.
(27:02):
What do you do on paid leave? Do you just
put the movies? Or you know? I just got a
big wall of crazy and I just try to solve
unsolved asked crimes. Now what does that mean when you
say big wall of crazy? Because I have something specific
in my head, but that I've never heard it quite
like that before. There's a lot of strings connected to
other strings, you know. I think there's a guy out
(27:23):
there and he's related to every ass crime that's gone
unsolved over the last fifty years. Anyway, so the hey fellas, um,
obviously Debbie might be doing some real time. Yeah, yeah,
I was thinking we break out? What you were thinking?
(27:44):
We break her out? No? I wasn't this Cowboys growing
on me. I can back up and we could exactly
exactly I'd like to make an accusation. Oh yeah, sorry
Mustard in the conservatory with lead Putt. That's incorrect. Fuck. Anyway,
(28:08):
it's pretty cool that we all got to use the
honey sweet, you know, it's it's fun. What are you
still doing here? By the way, I mean, I was
dating her, and I feel like I have someone with
that mbile. Yeah, I don't feel like I've really grown
close to you two guys, and you guys should join
us in the shrife hecta wait, whoa, but then it'll
(28:29):
it'll be a quite sink. Quintet quint facta, quintet quint factor. Man,
I mean, hey, guys, guys, guys. Um, I did order
us a little treat keep up. You might know her
from Broadway Fame ladies. Oh my hello, oh my god?
(28:53):
What that short term memories of motherfucker, isn't it? See
three comes a Chance, who wrote, Hey, y'all, even though
I stopped being a Patreon doesn't mean I broke up
(29:15):
with you all anyway. My scene suggestion is this. The
blob falls out of space and attacks a gym. Somebody
texting these immediately. This just came in. The guy who's
(29:38):
cleaning the pool drop this note under the door, and
I thought I'd read it big fan. It really is
all being reviewed as well. That's what this is. Um.
Oh wait, we're gonna feel great. My daughter, she's six,
helped me with the uh with the location. Thanks for
(29:59):
all laughs. Chance, Oh great, We just that's that's craft,
all of our six year olds dreams. What two? Dude? Four? Hey, son,
I told you the gym is closed. Hey, it's three
in the morning. You've been in there for nine hours.
Go home to your family. Family my asps. The Jim
(30:20):
is my family. No, your family is your family. Bryce.
I know your family. They're good people and they miss you.
Why don't miss them, Bryce, Bryce, you can cry at
the gym. I don't. I don't cry sweat out of
my eye. Bryce. We all know, we know what your
(30:43):
family has been through. We know what you've been through.
Put the damn dumbbells down, dumbbell why because big No,
I'm quite small. In fact, I'm the smallest person ever
to walk through those doors, those tiny wars next to
the full size doors that they made just for me.
Thanks for reminding me. But you know what, Bryce, I
(31:07):
got a big heart, and I think hidden somewhere underneath
all that muscle, you got a big heart too, and
your family misses that big heart. So why don't you
get back home to him, read the story of the
prodigal son in the Bible, and then head back home
to your family. Stop preaching, relisten at the gym, all right,
you're not preaching anything. I'm just over here mopping. Why
(31:30):
I'm the one with this giant mop in my height,
I'll have no idea all the fuck? Brice, Brice, what
is this on me? Oh my god, price was landed
(31:51):
on me? Oh my god, no Price. It's eating me slowly?
Oh god? Oh what the your family? You sick snut
I'm gonna kick your ash. Well, that's where that the
(32:15):
doors locked. At six am, I have a hot box
yoga class with Curtis. I'm in the same hot box class.
Are you taking that hot box class? I'm taking the
hot box boxing class? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The yoga and
box thing. Curtis is amazing, isn't Curtis is so good?
Isn't it weird? Also that the doors locked and there's
just this like kind of goog coming out from under
(32:37):
the doors. I see that there's like a goo. Yeah,
I wonder if that's so. I guess in a lot
of ways you and I are similar, you know. I
mean I have a family that I don't see much. Right, No,
I understand what I mean. I haven't seen my family
(33:01):
in a while. I think I was very surprised when
I killed this uh this weightlifter hare that you were
living inside of him. I gotta I gotta be honest.
I was surprising. He's got quite a Namal Canaly, shouldn't you?
Now you get three wishes, Mr blob, anything you want,
(33:23):
no restricching, no pram, three leashes. I wish I wasn't
a drippy blob thing. I wish I looked like actor
Tom Cruise. I don't really know any actors. It was
good that you thought about it. So you don't want
(33:46):
to be drippy and blobby. You want to be in
the shape of Ton. Yeah, can we do that? Okay,
but before we send you to Earth, you are going
to have to be accustomed with Earth pop culture already,
am I already? Am? Okay, Well we'll tell us what
you know, all right? I know, um, because you're going
(34:07):
to have to fit in. Yeah, no, of course, um
marvelous Mrs Mary's Little Show. Okay, good? Uh there was
a an adaptation of a Laddin disney Land. All right,
that's gonna come up A lodge and diet coke coke. Okay.
(34:31):
I felt pretty good there. Okay, I'm gonna start you
with the Mission Impossible series. Run Nay night. I have
these little blobs over here, black, red, light green, right,
(34:51):
so they can fit in with childhood games? Yes? Yes?
Can I ask you one question? What what is your
favorite piece of human pop culture? Well? Properly James Joyce's ulysses?
Is that very boggular down there? Oh yes, oh yes,
(35:13):
we just stopped bringing him up. We're having a nice
dinner without him. I just don't understand. He's been gone
for days and none of us want to go look
for him or call the police. Are not the one
being crazy here? You are? If I'm crazy, then tell
me why all these strings touch each other? Huh? If
(35:34):
these strings didn't touch that? So am I passed the
salami and give me the jam? What are you talking about?
Bing bong? I'll get it. I guess I'll get it.
I'll get I'll get it. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me,
your excuse excuse me. Jamn, here's your jam? Goddamn it?
(35:57):
Oh my goddamn shirt. Hi? Hi, Sorry, Hi, Sorry. Even
in mythying to Hi, Sorry, I realized I might have
come at a bad time. Now you came right at
dinner time. We also have a sign on the door
that says we're having dinner, but you're here. I opened
the door. What is it right now? I appreciate that
(36:17):
has hair on it. Who is this under your chair?
And you haven't vacuum the carpet because they're fucking cat sheet?
So what do you expect? I'm so sorry, so sorry,
not my cat I didn't want, sir. Can you take
three steps back? Please, I'm trying to have a conversation
with the woman. Buddy, you're on my property. What do
(36:37):
you mean me? Take three steps back? He's tally our
property until he's in our house because we could not
afford the land directly outside the door, so he can
stay there. If you're selling bibles, we got it. We
let me formally introduce myself. I'm Detective Rogers, and I've
got a report about your son. Oh my god, Oh
my god, you have a report about her son. Have
(36:58):
you seen him? He was lasting at the gym? What
your son? Bryce? Is that right? Yes? Bryce is our son? Okay, um, well,
it's not great news. It seems he's been in I'm sorry,
do you mind? If it's not great news? Can you
sing it? Sure? I agree? Make it this? Yeah, it'll
make the pill go down and smoother. You will always
(37:21):
bring up pills. You I'm addicted. I'm addicted to pills.
Why dont you think I bring up pills on the brain.
You can take two steps back and then I'll in
my house. I'll commence, I'll commenced the singing. I just
need you to take two steps back, please, all right?
Thank you? Bryce was enveloped by big old freaking glow
(37:49):
bush stuff for matters space. We believe it came through
the roof of the gym back. I'm so sorry when
you said you to sing it, I thought it would
be to a recognizable tune or something like that. But
when you yeah, when you made it up, it made
him more confusing. But did I hear this right? Or
(38:10):
was just your singing so bad that I heard that
Bryce was swallowed by h a blob from space. Well,
I believe he used the word enveloped, because we're not
sure he wasn't fact consumed, but he is covered in
there somewhere. Any who, I've got six of the best
(38:30):
man and women chasing down this blob at present. You
don't have to patronize me, sir. You don't have to
patriotize me. I don't care if women are serving on
the police force. Okay, you don't just specify the people,
just whoever is the best to whoever is the best
of them, one of them is actually trans I didn't
even mention that who cares? Who cares? We don't care,
(38:53):
promise you they care. So you're saying that the group
from the blob went into every orifice every us bright
so you're gonna need me on this case. Uh look
all right, you know what we you got us there,
you can go and find it. He's he's on the
slave just on the other side of that dog. Go on,
(39:13):
do what you gotta do. But I gotta warn you this.
Once a thing has been enveloped by a blob and
then sput out like that, it's uh, it's pretty gruesome
in there. Look, I've seen a lot. I'm an fp
uh the uh I have. I have a theory that
the guy who's been committing all these ass related crimes
the past fifty years is from space. Damnit, jim Is
(39:35):
this your Is this your string thing? Again? Yes? Yes,
it's all connected. You've been saying it's all connected for
twenty years almost. Now, come on, just go in there,
get your goo in his ass and get out. Okay,
Hi there, Um, this is a nice Starbucks. I'm Tom Cruise.
Can I have one hot coffee? Please? Holy shit, Holy ship,
(40:00):
it's oh my gosh, Tom, Holy ship, Oly ship. Am
I not doing this right? Okay? I'm sorry, Jimmy, get
up from behind the counter. We've had this conversation before.
You don't work here, sir. How can I help you. Hi,
(40:21):
I'm Tom Cruise. I would like a hot coffee? Yeah,
I thought I recognized you. What kind of coffee would
you like? Mr? Cruise? Hots? Please? All right, we've got
let's see what we've got, Sumatra, Christmas Blend and Pikes
TMZ breaking news. We have video foot is showing Tom
Cruise inside of Starbucks in Manhattan with no bones. It
(40:45):
looks like Tommy Cruizy has gotten all blobby. I wonder
how this is going to affect film me A mission
impossible twelve. Yeah, what's going on? He looks like it
looks like he's about four hundred pounds. Yeah, I agree,
I'm sorry, I agree you guys. I was just working
over there. What the heck? What a free I hope
(41:06):
they're following COVID protocols in that Starbucks, right, I hope.
I hope. In other news, UM, let's see we're not
just we're not riffing. We're not riffing, Captain. It's not
going as well as I thought. We're not doing reference
l No, No, I didn't, I didn't. People are making
(41:30):
fun of me. Physically. You moved, you're out. It was
red light and he moved, going keep the game going
fuck you. I do you realize humans were so mean? Well,
they are, but they could also be very kind. Every
(41:51):
emotion known in the universe is on that planet, That's
what you keep saying. And if you were more familiar
with the forage of culture, you'd see that. Mm hmm.
I'm just here for one mission to find love. Do
you ever think that these strings here actually actually connect
(42:14):
to something? Maybe they're actually maybe the actually do say something? Well,
I think if they connected, it would we would be
able to read the words like they would make letters.
What if the strings like actually connected and said something,
wouldn't we be able to read it? Or wouldn't it
(42:34):
just make sense? What the hell is that sounds like that?
It sounds like a cat in a bag or something
m hmm, or like problems? You know? So these these strings,
you know that they're just they're just like really they're
(42:55):
talking to me. Do you know about silence? You know
you don't have to fill every second of one it's
quiet between us with talking. The things that come out
of your mouth sometimes seem like thoughts. I mean, there
isn't everything to say a thought, I mean everything. Excuse me,
I'm Tom Cruise and I'm getting a real emotion sense
(43:16):
from this area. Do you two love each other? I
don't think. We kind of tried. We tried it, to
be honest with me, because I'm trying to calibrate my emotions. Now.
Is there love in this room? I don't think so.
I mean it was we weren't compatible sexually and emotionally
(43:37):
also not compatible. I mean I think the opposite. I
was totally. I mean I'm a dent on board and
I have since the chief put us together. So and
that's what as a woman on the police force with
a man on the police force, it's kind of these
things kind of happened sometimes. And I know with you
as like a man, Tom Cruise, um, kind of like
(44:00):
maybe you and Katie Holmes is what I would maybe
compared to maybe like all of us and you leases what, hey,
you're under a rest. Wait I'm talking round. I'm human,
Tom Cruise. This guy has no bum? What? What the hell?
(44:23):
Right now? Wait? Why would you? That's very mean? Yeah?
And I mean he runs weird too. I mean I've
always thought he runs weird, but he, I mean, he
looks really weird trying to eat dinner. Can we just
please dinner. Can you not talk about work? What's going
on with that waiter over there? I don't know, I
(44:45):
don't what's up? What's up with his hair? I don't know,
I don't know. Look, sorry, did you want something else here?
I've heard you point at me. Um, you heard I
love Brad and end to get back together. I meant
from the restaurant. From the restaurant, Yeah, just another round?
(45:07):
I think soup. Yes. Excuse me, folks, excuse me, folks. Sorry,
I'm the manager here at this red Lobster. Just want
to let you guys know, Uh, the men's bathroom is
just going to be out of order for a little while.
Just why is that? Um? There appears to have been
(45:28):
either a genie or a homicide. Um, so we might
have a TMZ scoop. I probably should not have mentioned
that to someone from TNZ. For forget that I said anything. Uh,
where's my lobster? Biss Brandon, you go table to table
and tell people there was a homicide? I did, I did.
I'm looking at the assistant I'm the assistant manager. Okay,
(45:51):
So you know, when there's a situation that arises, I
feel like it's something I need to take care of Brandon.
You're really overstepping what your your your your responsibilities and priorities. Look,
I had this badge made this, says junior assistant detective. Now,
so not only my assistant manager, I'm also an assistant detective.
And look I have all this string, can I I'm
just gonna put some of this up around the red
(46:11):
lobs and thank man. Yeah, oh hey, Mike, grab this thread.
Put it over there, will you? While we're well, while
I got thanks Pal, And it all comes back to aliens.
It's aliens, blob aliens. The forensic parctologist was right, don't
you understand brand? Listen, I'm gonna have to put you
(46:32):
on paid leave. Okay, I'm sorry, paid leave. I'm gonna
have the Brandon. What kind of restaurant is this? I
don't it's it's a red lobster. But right, it's a
red lobster. You're not fired or no, I don't want
to talk about it. I'm unpaid leave. That's the beautiful part.
(46:57):
So look this part ovid thing, I mean, you're still
doing takeout orders, right, they are still doing takeout orders.
I'm not doing takeouts. So you've been furloughed. Well, I
am getting paid for it, but I guess I have.
Well look looking over your finances. You've you've you've gotten
rid of sixty three employees over the past three years,
(47:20):
yet continue to pay them. Yeah, okay, so you've just
decided that these people are going on paid leave, they're
on baid leave. They need to cool off before they
come out. Why why not? Why not fire them? Well?
I mean, oh, I don't know. I never thought I
could do that, honestly. Uh. Also, all the lobsters in
(47:42):
this tank are dead. Oh I know that. So I'm
the one who killed your son, but it was because
I was looking for all of the human emotions here
on your planning. I'm so confused. I'm sorry. Tom Cruise
shows to my door and says he killed my son.
(48:03):
My son's ever met Tom Percy. Doesn't want to be
an actor, he doesn't want to be a scientologist. He
just like you to work it out. Where's the salami?
Your chair? See the fucking cat? How often was your
son home? Why are you asking this question? You say
(48:24):
you killed my son, and now you're sounds like you're
much to go down like a bad parenting route. Okay,
I was just that I'm not a bad parent. Okay,
could you spend more time in the gym than you did? Here? Yes,
open up, it's the police. There's five men and three
(48:47):
women here from the police. Why would he specify that
it's gonna hear my voice? Can you open the door?
You're close to do it. I've been tracking you for years.
I've been tracking you for years. You motherfucker. We're getting
(49:08):
You've been getting it. Everyone's ass. I know it's you.
I know it's you. What are you gonna do? Arrest me? Yeah? Yeah?
If hold that? Look how old that look? Weird? Crazy
man arrests human Tom Cruise. I think people are going
to be happy that you did that. You keep saying
(49:31):
nothing like Tom Cruise. I can name all of his movies. Okay, okay,
starting with taps? Taps? Why did I give you taps? Now? Listen, Gabe.
I love it. I think this is fantastic. Your memoirs
(49:51):
are crazy, alright, your years as a forensic productologists love it,
love it. But look, I don't know if we're gonna
be able to adapt this all right, all right into
that Uh well, I mean, look, true detectives already got
a writing squad, right, they're already doing their thing, all right,
and uh, I don't know they're gonna they're gonna take it.
We can pitch it to them, baby, we can pitch
it to them the baby, my sweet baby baby Detective
(50:14):
season what are you thinking doing? Look, we can fictionalize it,
or we could go full doc docuseries, you know Netflix,
Netflix interested? Oh my sweet little baby? Maybe maybe by baby,
but stuff touching my face? Jesus, Jimmy, how many times? Please?
(50:35):
You don't work at the agency anymore? Sorry about that,
jim that's our show, paid leave to go. Let's thank
Oliver Alkina. Shall we in a in a particular order?
Chris a Verando, Thank you so much, buddy, Thank you.
(50:56):
I love you, Mark and still fun to play with you, Caroline,
still fun to play with you. So glad we get
the spend a little time together. And happy holidays to
us all. Mark Gagli already thanks to you as well.
Good sir. Oh it's a pleasure man. You guys are awesome.
This always makes me happy. And where folks might look
to find you and your wares? Uh at Mark gags
on Twitter and Blood and Treasure season two coming up
(51:18):
January January that's so fucking awesome. Uh, Chris dash Alvarado
dot com. Is that what was left out of the conversation?
That's exactly what was left at that's Chris dash Alvarado
dot com. Come stop by with some fun, take some
home to your family. That's right, So don't forget that
(51:38):
to go bag. Thank you both, Caroline Carter, Yeah, thanks
for having me, Thanks for being had plans for the
rest of the day. Um, I might try to find
some chestnuts if anyone knows where I can get them.
I'm trying to make some chestnuts. I think j Max
(52:00):
hasn't They might feel nuts. Okay, let you know where
are you exactly are you? Yeah? I moved. I moved.
I moved. Okay, Okay, so that's why the background looks different. Yeah,
that's right. Still in la unfortunately, Craig Ankowski. You're still
(52:25):
in l A, l A unfortunately as well? Aren't you
as far as here for a little long hole? Damns
all everyone? How is the new uh December of craigslists
coming together? We watched three movies, haven't recorded one yet,
but we got some time. It's nine days till Christmas.
Fair enough, fair enough, and thank you, Joey Grierman, how's
(52:51):
that new Instagram account working out? I mean, so far,
so good. Thanking people anyone who follows me and gets
a little thank you video, because I do appreciate it.
I mean, it's can you you seem to have six
followers already and you just started a week ago. I think, Yeah,
it's a lot. It's a lot of thank you It's
it's um, it's a lot. But I'm happy to take
on that workload. I'm happy to take on that burden
(53:13):
because you can find me a god bless Jim Chum,
what is it really like? Three? It keeps dropping, people
keep on following me. Well, I've enjoyed every damn second
of it, and please don't stop. Let's thank our engineer
and producing the stars being fine folks, and I heart media.
(53:38):
I'm your host, Kevin Pollack reminding you that this is
the time to be kind to one another. But it
doesn't end at the what's happening with this, Mike, come
on already? Well you uh you eat one, Mike. Um,
it doesn't end the end of the year. Please remember
to be kind to each other and have each other's backsdammon.
(53:59):
In the new year, UH, and wear a mask when
you go outside. You sign up a pitch until next time.
Welcome back to another episode about me, this COVID nineteen edition.
And I'm your host, Kevin Paul Like yes, last Kevin, Hello,
but I digress. Let's meet a shower no particular orders.
Say hey to Craig Kakowski. Kakow, how's the Christmas tree?
(00:22):
Look at? It's uh, it's a towering three ft tall.
Huh it's uh it's artificial. Uh No, no trees were killed?
Um and uh yeah, Carlo put it all together. I
think we put it up the first day of November,
so it's been up for a while. I feel that
(00:43):
wait until the day after Thanksgiving. Nice, I don't because
Thanksgiving was so late. I refused to wait till after Thanksgiving. Also,
damn it, don't rob me out of a couple of weeks.
But it sounds like at three feet not much plastic
was harmed in the process either. No, that's good too.
So yeah, the ice caps can I can stay put.
(01:06):
Appreciate you now. Please welcome Caroline Carter, Carter as and
Potter as in Poper. What was a favorite childhood Christmas gift?
And why? Um a gift is? Well, I'll tell you
one that wasn't so sure because I don't remember anything,
which means that maybe gifts are pointless. But one Christmas,
(01:28):
I accidentally squirted this like medicated face washed directly into
my eye and I like burn my cornia. Um so
I was spent the whole Christmas morning like crying, and
my siblings were like, Caroline, such a fucking bit, she's
ruining Christmas for us. Um your nineteen. This happened this
(01:49):
year when I was I'm nineteen years old, So yeah,
you look older than thank you. Yeah, I get that
a lot. Thank you, Thank you so much. Hey, there's
Mark Gagliardi where Marcus of Gagle Artists. What was a
typical Christmas morning like in your childhood? Typical Christmas morning
when I was a kid was we would get up
(02:13):
at like we would set alarms to see who could
get up the earliest because we wanted to get down there.
And it was like there was one year I remember
I set the alarm for four am, and I went
downstairs at four am and just started playing with toys
and uh, and my mom came down the stairs and
just looked at me and she was like this, you've
(02:34):
gone too far and she and she sent me back
upstairs to just which is torture because you're sitting there
thinking about the toys that you know are down there
you've already opened at four am with no one else
around in the dark. Yea. From then on out, it
was more like, oh, maybe I should make this about
the family, unless about the presence that reminds me of
(02:56):
a of a Santa outing. In my childhood, we were
so reform, we were practically Catholics, and my parents couldn't
explain why we couldn't have a Christmas tree, So in
fact we did. And at four am I went down
to check to check on Santa, and there was Pops
with a Scotch and his Sanditch. Come back to your
as he's as he's wrapping up the last few gifts.
(03:19):
Yeah that was a was a heartbreaker for a four
and a half year old. But anyway, uh and now
it's just Alvarado time. See Masterrado, how are you at
wrapping gifts? I'm not as good as I want to be,
but damn if I don't try hard. Yeah, I really
(03:42):
want to make this look good and I just I
can't get it tight enough. That's right, That's the fold
is always a little a little like bubbly, and then
I put it on its side and I shut the
box down to get the tightness on the bottom. That
might work, But now I got this one up here
and it's not. And it's a bummer because I really
try so hard. I think the fine folks who make
the wrapping paper know this about us, and the papers
(04:05):
designed so that it will never be perfectly tough. But
let's be honest. Though you pay a little more, you
get at you get a better paper, You get a
little the little lines, it's a little thicker. It kind
of holds the crease a little more. You know, you
better watch yourself getting nuts, Get nuts, and last but
a lump of cold Stratton if you think him least,
(04:27):
it's Joey Greer peppermint patty breath. How did you do that? Again? Uh, honestly,
it was a it was a cosmetic surgery, so it
wasn't And I did it myself and it's really simple
and anyone can do it at home. You get a
whole bunch of peppermint sticks, you melt them down, and
you're gonna want to get to two to six dozen
(04:48):
syringes because you're gonna want you're gonna need to like
inject it like several times over the course of as
many days as it takes too and six dozen, Yeah,
and uh, it's it's it's not as bad as it sounds.
You're gonna have to inject into the really soft tissue
in the back of your throat and then you're you're
just gonna have to just keep pumping it in there,
keep pumping it in there. And this is what got me.
(05:09):
You're gonna think it's plus that's for me. It's not.
It's not that's for us. Exactly. There's nothing infected. And
you might have trouble swallowing, you might have trouble breathing thinking,
but don't worry that. All that stuff just kind of
goes out the window once like that sweet sweet peppermint
flavor is just it's kind enough to do the math
(05:34):
for in the chat space. All of our scene suggestions
are gathered from your listener emails or from our lovely
Patreon v I p s. To become a patron support
of the show and enjoy exclusive content like video of
what's happening right the fun now, just head on over
to patreon dot com slash, speaking of which there is
now a podcast called Alchemy that it's not just on Reddit.
(06:00):
Yeah it's not. It's no longer unread it anymore, or
just it's full blown z's. I listened to the first episode,
and I gotta be honest, it was helpful. It was helpful,
good night. I didn't know certain things about myself that
I now know, and I would recommend that for each
and every damn one of you. Uh yeah, and also
(06:23):
I think it's comprised of just alcamaniacs. So there's literally
nothing we can do to shut it down. So let's
make it a positive thing. Uh. If you'd like to
have bit of scene via old time email, please write
to the podcast at your name here at alchemyst dot com.
That's your name here at It's weird Seen. One comes
(06:48):
from Luca, who wrote, and yes this was pulled for
today's cast. Joey and Caroline play a couple of genies
playing a complicated and elaborate game of scissors paper rock. Yeah.
I don't think that's what's how it's described, thank Luca. Alright, alright, okay,
(07:10):
now listen, is that you? Is that you whispies? Is
that it's my whispies? Get them off of me? All right,
they have. You know that, my whispies have their own
brain and they can do whatever they want. You have
some of the weirdest wishes I've ever seen in my love.
They wished for that. That's your whispies. They're whispies. They're
(07:31):
not wishies. I think you're I'm saying you're wishy people
that wishes for. I know what they're called, the wishes.
I call them wishes. Understand what you're not understanding what
I'm saying. I'm saying that the people you granted wishes
for are really weird. You've got a weird energy about you,
(07:53):
and you just attract these people who just like make
these really weird wishes. I can't. I am a genie
that is in a toilet. Okay, So the kind of
that find me, yeah, but I'm in the top tank.
You're in the bottom tank. So the kind of people
that find me are people who are exclusively trying to
do double deckers. A protector. They're just trying to look
(08:14):
they're pooping in both of us, all right, they're pooping
in both of our little cages here, all right, Yeah, yeah,
I'll be right out. I'm just saying they're a lines
forming out here. I can buddy every other it's the
only would just die. Look, man, we know it's the
(08:34):
only stall. Okay, can you just can you just relax?
Do you? I just really sorry? Can you get six
ft away from me? Please? I'm just I'm standing here
in this line. I'm standing here in this line. I'm
waiting to get into this bathroom. He's been in there
for god knows how long. Well, I don't even know
what's going on in this toilets behind just die shot.
(09:00):
Oh my god, I went through. But are you in
the stall? What's happening? Damn a Genie? And I don't
tell you something else that my coworker accidentally shot up
your asshole, so he's possessing your rectum. Fine, I have
(09:22):
a question for you, But I have a real quick question.
Are you affecting a voice right now? Or do you
know this is what I think, Genie sound like? Does
it sound like I'm doing a voice. I'm just saying
you don't have to try that hard. You appeared in
this bathroom stall, and that's I'm just I have childhood traumas.
(09:44):
People didn't believe me. Okay, follow up on the dude
of my ass what's happening now? So my coworker I
have two genies. Yes, my coworker, Gene is the bottom
tank genie and he shot. You must have an extra
large butthole because he shot right up there when he
was supposed to just come out of the stall. And
(10:05):
we're going to do a whole thing to ask kind
of who you want to have Granger wish genies into
my office? No, oh, my gosh, some of it is
still in my hair. Do you know why you're here today?
Probably probably did something wrong, But can you tell this
(10:26):
genes take a shower or something first? I don't know
way and probably did something wrong, is right? Boober? Boober boner?
You two are not doing a great job being genies. Now.
I don't have to tell you that, do I wasn't
the toilet. What do you expect My dad was from
(10:48):
that lamp that they found. Indeed, to mention your father,
your father was the greatest genie, and then you came along,
Boober and ruined his name. I didn't. I have a
very special assignment for one of you. I'll do it.
There's no, it's not okay, that's not how that works.
(11:11):
You have to wait till he finished, asked the question,
then you can buzzn't thank you? Now, there was a
very there's a nu lamp. Well it's an old lamp. Okay,
so he said, I thought you said new the lamp,
and I got what I don't Please let me finish.
There was there's a lamp, a very famous lamp. Okay,
(11:34):
I haven't finished. I haven't finished. But the genie inside
has expired. You know how it goes if? Yes, so
I have the I have did you just hear it her? Okay? No,
you know how it goes. If nobody rubs the lamp
for two years, the genie inside dies. So there's a
(11:58):
basic one of you is a leap the toilets. I
know that. I did not know that that has come
up for us because people use the toilet and the
red lobster all the time. So when did you will
be promoted? Year? On day three d sixty four, I've
(12:18):
got one day left. Where is this lamp? I don't
know where it is? Clearly this is They told me
this would happen. And look, I just want to tell
all my genie family how much I love them. Oh,
why won't somebody rub my lamp? And look at that lamp.
Wake at this one. Hear a voice, she got lamp
(12:38):
over there, it's beautiful. I hear a voice. Too many lamps.
I don't. I'm inside. I'm inside. Please rub it, honey,
grabbed that lamp. Put it in the cart. Maybe we'll
maybe we'll take it in these tongs. Why do you
don't touch on the tongs? Touch it with your hands,
with your human hands. Another lamp over here? Can you
(13:02):
hear me? I can graduate three wishes. Why are you
calling it a lamp. There's no light bulb. Listen right,
Arabian lamp. You're fucking idiots. Just rub it, touch it
with you. Maybe our son is right, so one of
(13:23):
you tube will be inhabiting this lamp. The good wait,
I haven't finished the good No, it's not how that works.
The good news is it has been moved to a location.
It is now in a home goods. So that's that's
positive for both of you, or one of you. I
don't know. I kind of got used to the toilet,
(13:46):
all right. So what you're telling me is you would
just mind in your own business in this bathroom stall.
What I'm telling it, and this dead body sitting out
here in front of the stall is only there and
dead because you wished that it would die and a
genie showed up and killed this guy. Is that what
you're telling me here? That's how you're telling me. Look
(14:08):
through that look through that mirror right there that we
both know ain't a mirror, and tell those people what
you just told me. Detective. Did you find any sort
of weapon at the scene? I you know what, No,
I did not find a weapon. We've been trying to
figure that out that I can't, for the life of me,
figure out how you killed this guy right here in
the middle of a public bathroom with a whole queue
(14:30):
six ft apart. Do you ever just look through this
little two way mirror and think to yourself, like, man,
what if what if they can see you? You know
what I mean? I mean, if the people on the
other side of the Americans see us? Yeah? You ever
just do you ever just looked through that mirror and
(14:51):
just go man, what if they what if they can
see us here? Anything? No, I think they can if
they look close enough. You can't go on the other side,
go on the other side of the mirror. There was
(15:12):
a guy in getting the turket right now, what you detectives,
infice in my office? What is going on? Huh huh
huh didn't We were bored, so we were having a conversation.
(15:32):
Nothing interesting was happening on the other side. This is
an active investigation. Woun't mean nothing interesting is going on.
We're trying to figure out who killed that person. And
you two were talking about how that the mirror is
seither or not. That's not what we are saying. That's
not what we're like. I was saying. I was saying, actually, Chief, like,
what what do they see us? Okay, your father was
(15:55):
a great cop. Your father was a great cop, God
rest his soul, and my dad, yeah you're dead. Oh oh,
you're saying you're not great. Well, detective, you were right
to call it a forensic proctologist. I I took a
look in there, and there's no evidence of a genie
currently in there, but the but there there was a
(16:18):
genie at some point, because you're telling me the genies
are real. Look, I don't know how you know. I
don't know whether it was a lower deck genie or
an upper deck genie, but a genie shot into that
guy's asshole and uh and granted him three wishes. Oh
my god, we got we we got somebody in there
sitting in a jail. Cell Ain done nothing wrong. He's
(16:39):
been telling the truth this whole time. We gotta we
gotta arrest that genie. How do you arrest the genie?
They were just you're just being a lab here and
just look at all the different like I guess, like
fluids and stuff, and think like where do they can
see us? And that has seen one? Oh my god,
(17:06):
somebody stopped him before he kills again. Two comes from
our newest patron v I P. She was newest when
this was written. Oops, and UH might need some help
on the pronunciation of the name c A L l
I O pe calliope calliopee? Sure who wrote? Hello there,
(17:32):
my dear alchemist. I hope I am directing this to
the right place. I have been a bit out of
the loop lately, fighting aliens and rescuing princesses and all that. Huh,
you know, all in a day's work. But today I
bring you a scene suggesting in his wedding day for
our bride, but unbeknownst to her future spouse. Uh, but wait,
(17:55):
what it is? Wedding day for our bride? But unbeknownst
to her, few your spouses several will be showing up
to marry her. Oh the problem none of them are
aware of each other. Yeah, well sure, sending you big
hugs in North Arizona, Love, klaile P. You look stunning.
(18:20):
You look I look like a fucking bitch. No, you don't.
You look so stunny, looks so good. I wish it
was my wedding day, my wedding day. I told you
my one request for my wedding is that you would
not sing. I know you're a Broadway star, you have
an amazing voice, but I just please, this is about me.
(18:42):
And if you start singing, everyone's gonna fall in love
with you. Of course. Okay, I'm so sorry, but it's
just like it makes me every time. It's so happy.
This is such a big day. Oh my god. And Tyler,
Oh my god, what a gem, what a Jemmy Jim,
Oh my gosh. Like I was mining out and some
like North Dakota mine and I found him, and I
(19:04):
found this opal of Tyler. I would keep it out
and hold it. Hold that, Jim. You can't get excited.
Look there they are, my best man, my best man.
You both decided to wear Texas as well. It's kind
of weird. Yeah, Tyler, we're here, you know, we're we're here.
We're we're all the best man, Right, It's a big day, bro,
(19:27):
It's a big day, big day for all three of us,
for all I know. I know, this couldn't have happened better,
to be honest, in a better way, us three. I know. God,
I'm just glad. I'm just happy to say you guys.
I'm really happy you guys are here with me on
this day. I gotta say, it's really it's really sweetie
about to be here. And I wouldn't mean done this
without my two best buds. Yeah, the tractor. Nothing, nothing's
(19:56):
gonna change. You know, nothing's gonna change. Nothing's gonna change.
We're gonna stay the same dudes we always were. Even
if you know, I've got a little bit of you know,
I've got other things on my mind now, but I
always got you two guys on my mind. Just we're
still gonna get together every Tuesday for clue. Yeah, guys,
can I just can I run just like one one
line of my vows by you real quick? Yeah vow sure?
(20:19):
Man that that seems a little unusual, it's dramatic. What
do you mean, what what's unusual about that? Hi? I
am so sorry to interrupt the groom, but it seems
that the several cards are here for you. I guess
that this is justified you to choose from. We have
a Alexis limo, a Hormo limo, and they a motorcycle limo. So, uh,
(20:43):
I don't know which one you want to keep up,
but thank you. Is this where all the grooms are
making up? Uh? The what the grooms? I was told
this was the grooms? Helful man, Tyler? Did you guys?
Did you guys pull a prank? Is this prank? Who's
(21:04):
come on? Who did who did this? Who did this?
To me? Specifically? Who did this? You asking me? Who?
Who did this? Cool lasso? Look at this? This is
are those those chaps and everything? The horses? Well, I'm
here to catch my little lady and make her my own.
What about this little Italian fellow? What's his story? Don't
(21:26):
call him that? Well? Yeah, I mean it's we that's
he runs the car service that's gonna take us to
the church right somewhere else into the chapel where. Yeah,
that's why I'm here. That's so funny you're getting married
(21:48):
on the same day that that that you know this
is happening. That's yuh. Yeah. Yeah, I'm here to make
my Debbie Sue moan and I'm damn happy to be here. Wait,
Debbie Sue is my bread, Debbie is my bride. You're
not referring to Deborah Susan, are you? Is that my bride?
(22:13):
I'm a day thing that Debbie souper. Okay, So um,
when I go out there, I just need you to
hold my train, Okay, and then we're gonna wait. Um,
we did this is a rehearsal dinner yesterday. We had
to run it ten times. You did it wrong every time,
so this time, just please do it right. The wedding
starts in five minutes. They're just gonna just gonna show
(22:35):
up and yeah, that's gonna get married. The d s
there's like a whole bunch of dads are entrance away. Okay.
Can you also not follow me ds please because it
makes me sound like a gaming system and I don't
like that. Okay, Okay, plotting. I'm just so so goddamn
proud of you, Thank you, Thanks dad. This is gonna
(22:59):
be beautiful, so out of my little girl. Thank you, dad.
Can you go sit in the church? Yeah? Right, there
is that my little girl in there? Is that my
little girl in there? Who is this girl? Oh? I'm
I'm just I'm just so proud of my my daughter,
Debbie Sue, I just my daughters. Is Deborah Susan? Wait?
(23:19):
Your your Debora Susan's father? I'm yes, I'm DEBI What
a coincidence. I'm Debbie Sue's father, my little girl Maya's
step Uh is this guy? Sorry? Guys, I should have
explained this. You all are fathers to me, okay, in
different ways throughout my life. The little Italian my biological father,
(23:41):
my other biological father, and wait, what do do do?
Do do do? Let me get out there? He is
they're not hitting the key right. Let me get out everyone.
I'm sorry, but the piano guy needs to understand that
(24:05):
he has to hit the note right. Like this my
wedding day, my wedding. She's come a prize some bow.
What that's going on to me? She does not want
this kind of music. She wasn't a traditional It's something organic,
(24:27):
something cauliflower shoulders from Broadway. What do you guys, don't
up here on the altar. Cowboy man, have you decided
to be my best man or something? I thought I
thought you were the entertainment. That this whole cowboy thing
is real? What is happening here? I'm here? Come hold on,
(24:50):
we can't all be here to marry dever suit that
don't add up? That man? Why don't we ask her? Here?
She comes? Everybody? Stand up? Stand up? Oh god, I'm
so proud little girl. I love that little girl. Beautiful,
so beautiful my wedding day. Shut up. Wait, I just
(25:12):
need to stop the wedding for one second. Tiffany, shut up. Okay,
if you don't stop singing, which thank you already have,
but I was going to threaten you more with thank
you for stopping everyone. This is my day. It's not
about a Broadway star, okay, So it's all about you.
Don't get on the pier, thank you? Okay. Oh oh
(25:35):
my god, you're all here? Yeah, what what's going on?
Deb Oh my god, this is so awkward. Guys, and
to the whole wedding. I'm so sorry everybody that came here. Um, Tiffany,
if you say one more word, I'm going to cut
your head off. That's my girl. Thank you, that's my girl.
(25:58):
That's my girl. That crazy another homicide here, got a
woman shut off. Do you ever think they can't They
can see us through the glass. They could also hear us,
do you think that? No, I don't think that, because
(26:19):
they can do both. It's not a sound proof vision proof.
Go go, They're not gonna be able to hear. Okay, fine,
what do you want me to do? Scream in front
of it? No? No, that I mean they're interrogating that
bride and then you can't just go in there and
just do it right now. But excuse me, I'm the
forensic practologist. Do you think there was were there any
(26:40):
ass related elements to this murder? It was like just
a clean head cut off. Yeah. Also, I thought you
got I thought you were on leave, unpaid leave, because
you said everything was asked related. Yeah, I am ah.
Just when I think I'm out, pulled me back in.
(27:02):
What do you do on paid leave? Do you just
put the movies? Or you know? I just got a
big wall of crazy and I just try to solve
unsolved asked crimes. Now what does that mean when you
say big wall of crazy? Because I have something specific
in my head, but that I've never heard it quite
like that before. There's a lot of strings connected to
other strings, you know. I think there's a guy out
(27:23):
there and he's related to every ass crime that's gone
unsolved over the last fifty years. Anyway, so the hey fellas, um,
obviously Debbie might be doing some real time. Yeah, yeah,
I was thinking we break out? What you were thinking?
(27:44):
We break her out? No? I wasn't this Cowboys growing
on me. I can back up and we could exactly
exactly I'd like to make an accusation. Oh yeah, sorry
Mustard in the conservatory with lead Putt. That's incorrect. Fuck. Anyway,
(28:08):
it's pretty cool that we all got to use the
honey sweet, you know, it's it's fun. What are you
still doing here? By the way, I mean, I was
dating her, and I feel like I have someone with
that mbile. Yeah, I don't feel like I've really grown
close to you two guys, and you guys should join
us in the shrife hecta wait, whoa, but then it'll
(28:29):
it'll be a quite sink. Quintet quint facta, quintet quint factor. Man,
I mean, hey, guys, guys, guys. Um, I did order
us a little treat keep up. You might know her
from Broadway Fame ladies. Oh my hello, oh my god?
(28:53):
What that short term memories of motherfucker, isn't it? See
three comes a Chance, who wrote, Hey, y'all, even though
I stopped being a Patreon doesn't mean I broke up
(29:15):
with you all anyway. My scene suggestion is this. The
blob falls out of space and attacks a gym. Somebody
texting these immediately. This just came in. The guy who's
(29:38):
cleaning the pool drop this note under the door, and
I thought I'd read it big fan. It really is
all being reviewed as well. That's what this is. Um.
Oh wait, we're gonna feel great. My daughter, she's six,
helped me with the uh with the location. Thanks for
(29:59):
all laughs. Chance, Oh great, We just that's that's craft,
all of our six year olds dreams. What two? Dude? Four? Hey, son,
I told you the gym is closed. Hey, it's three
in the morning. You've been in there for nine hours.
Go home to your family. Family my asps. The Jim
(30:20):
is my family. No, your family is your family. Bryce.
I know your family. They're good people and they miss you.
Why don't miss them, Bryce, Bryce, you can cry at
the gym. I don't. I don't cry sweat out of
my eye. Bryce. We all know, we know what your
(30:43):
family has been through. We know what you've been through.
Put the damn dumbbells down, dumbbell why because big No,
I'm quite small. In fact, I'm the smallest person ever
to walk through those doors, those tiny wars next to
the full size doors that they made just for me.
Thanks for reminding me. But you know what, Bryce, I
(31:07):
got a big heart, and I think hidden somewhere underneath
all that muscle, you got a big heart too, and
your family misses that big heart. So why don't you
get back home to him, read the story of the
prodigal son in the Bible, and then head back home
to your family. Stop preaching, relisten at the gym, all right,
you're not preaching anything. I'm just over here mopping. Why
(31:30):
I'm the one with this giant mop in my height,
I'll have no idea all the fuck? Brice, Brice, what
is this on me? Oh my god, price was landed
(31:51):
on me? Oh my god, no Price. It's eating me slowly?
Oh god? Oh what the your family? You sick snut
I'm gonna kick your ash. Well, that's where that the
(32:15):
doors locked. At six am, I have a hot box
yoga class with Curtis. I'm in the same hot box class.
Are you taking that hot box class? I'm taking the
hot box boxing class? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The yoga and
box thing. Curtis is amazing, isn't Curtis is so good?
Isn't it weird? Also that the doors locked and there's
just this like kind of goog coming out from under
(32:37):
the doors. I see that there's like a goo. Yeah,
I wonder if that's so. I guess in a lot
of ways you and I are similar, you know. I
mean I have a family that I don't see much. Right, No,
I understand what I mean. I haven't seen my family
(33:01):
in a while. I think I was very surprised when
I killed this uh this weightlifter hare that you were
living inside of him. I gotta I gotta be honest.
I was surprising. He's got quite a Namal Canaly, shouldn't you?
Now you get three wishes, Mr blob, anything you want,
(33:23):
no restricching, no pram, three leashes. I wish I wasn't
a drippy blob thing. I wish I looked like actor
Tom Cruise. I don't really know any actors. It was
good that you thought about it. So you don't want
(33:46):
to be drippy and blobby. You want to be in
the shape of Ton. Yeah, can we do that? Okay,
but before we send you to Earth, you are going
to have to be accustomed with Earth pop culture already,
am I already? Am? Okay, Well we'll tell us what
you know, all right? I know, um, because you're going
(34:07):
to have to fit in. Yeah, no, of course, um
marvelous Mrs Mary's Little Show. Okay, good? Uh there was
a an adaptation of a Laddin disney Land. All right,
that's gonna come up A lodge and diet coke coke. Okay.
(34:31):
I felt pretty good there. Okay, I'm gonna start you
with the Mission Impossible series. Run Nay night. I have
these little blobs over here, black, red, light green, right,
(34:51):
so they can fit in with childhood games? Yes? Yes?
Can I ask you one question? What what is your
favorite piece of human pop culture? Well? Properly James Joyce's ulysses?
Is that very boggular down there? Oh yes, oh yes,
(35:13):
we just stopped bringing him up. We're having a nice
dinner without him. I just don't understand. He's been gone
for days and none of us want to go look
for him or call the police. Are not the one
being crazy here? You are? If I'm crazy, then tell
me why all these strings touch each other? Huh? If
(35:34):
these strings didn't touch that? So am I passed the
salami and give me the jam? What are you talking about?
Bing bong? I'll get it. I guess I'll get it.
I'll get I'll get it. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me,
your excuse excuse me. Jamn, here's your jam? Goddamn it?
(35:57):
Oh my goddamn shirt. Hi? Hi, Sorry, Hi, Sorry. Even
in mythying to Hi, Sorry, I realized I might have
come at a bad time. Now you came right at
dinner time. We also have a sign on the door
that says we're having dinner, but you're here. I opened
the door. What is it right now? I appreciate that
(36:17):
has hair on it. Who is this under your chair?
And you haven't vacuum the carpet because they're fucking cat sheet?
So what do you expect? I'm so sorry, so sorry,
not my cat I didn't want, sir. Can you take
three steps back? Please, I'm trying to have a conversation
with the woman. Buddy, you're on my property. What do
(36:37):
you mean me? Take three steps back? He's tally our
property until he's in our house because we could not
afford the land directly outside the door, so he can
stay there. If you're selling bibles, we got it. We
let me formally introduce myself. I'm Detective Rogers, and I've
got a report about your son. Oh my god, Oh
my god, you have a report about her son. Have
(36:58):
you seen him? He was lasting at the gym? What
your son? Bryce? Is that right? Yes? Bryce is our son? Okay, um, well,
it's not great news. It seems he's been in I'm sorry,
do you mind? If it's not great news? Can you
sing it? Sure? I agree? Make it this? Yeah, it'll
make the pill go down and smoother. You will always
(37:21):
bring up pills. You I'm addicted. I'm addicted to pills.
Why dont you think I bring up pills on the brain.
You can take two steps back and then I'll in
my house. I'll commence, I'll commenced the singing. I just
need you to take two steps back, please, all right?
Thank you? Bryce was enveloped by big old freaking glow
(37:49):
bush stuff for matters space. We believe it came through
the roof of the gym back. I'm so sorry when
you said you to sing it, I thought it would
be to a recognizable tune or something like that. But
when you yeah, when you made it up, it made
him more confusing. But did I hear this right? Or
(38:10):
was just your singing so bad that I heard that
Bryce was swallowed by h a blob from space. Well,
I believe he used the word enveloped, because we're not
sure he wasn't fact consumed, but he is covered in
there somewhere. Any who, I've got six of the best
(38:30):
man and women chasing down this blob at present. You
don't have to patronize me, sir. You don't have to
patriotize me. I don't care if women are serving on
the police force. Okay, you don't just specify the people,
just whoever is the best to whoever is the best
of them, one of them is actually trans I didn't
even mention that who cares? Who cares? We don't care,
(38:53):
promise you they care. So you're saying that the group
from the blob went into every orifice every us bright
so you're gonna need me on this case. Uh look
all right, you know what we you got us there,
you can go and find it. He's he's on the
slave just on the other side of that dog. Go on,
(39:13):
do what you gotta do. But I gotta warn you this.
Once a thing has been enveloped by a blob and
then sput out like that, it's uh, it's pretty gruesome
in there. Look, I've seen a lot. I'm an fp
uh the uh I have. I have a theory that
the guy who's been committing all these ass related crimes
the past fifty years is from space. Damnit, jim Is
(39:35):
this your Is this your string thing? Again? Yes? Yes,
it's all connected. You've been saying it's all connected for
twenty years almost. Now, come on, just go in there,
get your goo in his ass and get out. Okay,
Hi there, Um, this is a nice Starbucks. I'm Tom Cruise.
Can I have one hot coffee? Please? Holy shit, Holy ship,
(40:00):
it's oh my gosh, Tom, Holy ship, Oly ship. Am
I not doing this right? Okay? I'm sorry, Jimmy, get
up from behind the counter. We've had this conversation before.
You don't work here, sir. How can I help you. Hi,
(40:21):
I'm Tom Cruise. I would like a hot coffee? Yeah,
I thought I recognized you. What kind of coffee would
you like? Mr? Cruise? Hots? Please? All right, we've got
let's see what we've got, Sumatra, Christmas Blend and Pikes
TMZ breaking news. We have video foot is showing Tom
Cruise inside of Starbucks in Manhattan with no bones. It
(40:45):
looks like Tommy Cruizy has gotten all blobby. I wonder
how this is going to affect film me A mission
impossible twelve. Yeah, what's going on? He looks like it
looks like he's about four hundred pounds. Yeah, I agree,
I'm sorry, I agree you guys. I was just working
over there. What the heck? What a free I hope
(41:06):
they're following COVID protocols in that Starbucks, right, I hope.
I hope. In other news, UM, let's see we're not
just we're not riffing. We're not riffing, Captain. It's not
going as well as I thought. We're not doing reference
l No, No, I didn't, I didn't. People are making
(41:30):
fun of me. Physically. You moved, you're out. It was
red light and he moved, going keep the game going
fuck you. I do you realize humans were so mean? Well,
they are, but they could also be very kind. Every
(41:51):
emotion known in the universe is on that planet, That's
what you keep saying. And if you were more familiar
with the forage of culture, you'd see that. Mm hmm.
I'm just here for one mission to find love. Do
you ever think that these strings here actually actually connect
(42:14):
to something? Maybe they're actually maybe the actually do say something? Well,
I think if they connected, it would we would be
able to read the words like they would make letters.
What if the strings like actually connected and said something,
wouldn't we be able to read it? Or wouldn't it
(42:34):
just make sense? What the hell is that sounds like that?
It sounds like a cat in a bag or something
m hmm, or like problems? You know? So these these strings,
you know that they're just they're just like really they're
(42:55):
talking to me. Do you know about silence? You know
you don't have to fill every second of one it's
quiet between us with talking. The things that come out
of your mouth sometimes seem like thoughts. I mean, there
isn't everything to say a thought, I mean everything. Excuse me,
I'm Tom Cruise and I'm getting a real emotion sense
(43:16):
from this area. Do you two love each other? I
don't think. We kind of tried. We tried it, to
be honest with me, because I'm trying to calibrate my emotions. Now.
Is there love in this room? I don't think so.
I mean it was we weren't compatible sexually and emotionally
(43:37):
also not compatible. I mean I think the opposite. I
was totally. I mean I'm a dent on board and
I have since the chief put us together. So and
that's what as a woman on the police force with
a man on the police force, it's kind of these
things kind of happened sometimes. And I know with you
as like a man, Tom Cruise, um, kind of like
(44:00):
maybe you and Katie Holmes is what I would maybe
compared to maybe like all of us and you leases what, hey,
you're under a rest. Wait I'm talking round. I'm human,
Tom Cruise. This guy has no bum? What? What the hell?
(44:23):
Right now? Wait? Why would you? That's very mean? Yeah?
And I mean he runs weird too. I mean I've
always thought he runs weird, but he, I mean, he
looks really weird trying to eat dinner. Can we just
please dinner. Can you not talk about work? What's going
on with that waiter over there? I don't know, I
(44:45):
don't what's up? What's up with his hair? I don't know,
I don't know. Look, sorry, did you want something else here?
I've heard you point at me. Um, you heard I
love Brad and end to get back together. I meant
from the restaurant. From the restaurant, Yeah, just another round?
(45:07):
I think soup. Yes. Excuse me, folks, excuse me, folks. Sorry,
I'm the manager here at this red Lobster. Just want
to let you guys know, Uh, the men's bathroom is
just going to be out of order for a little while.
Just why is that? Um? There appears to have been
(45:28):
either a genie or a homicide. Um, so we might
have a TMZ scoop. I probably should not have mentioned
that to someone from TNZ. For forget that I said anything. Uh,
where's my lobster? Biss Brandon, you go table to table
and tell people there was a homicide? I did, I did.
I'm looking at the assistant I'm the assistant manager. Okay,
(45:51):
So you know, when there's a situation that arises, I
feel like it's something I need to take care of Brandon.
You're really overstepping what your your your your responsibilities and priorities. Look,
I had this badge made this, says junior assistant detective. Now,
so not only my assistant manager, I'm also an assistant detective.
And look I have all this string, can I I'm
just gonna put some of this up around the red
(46:11):
lobs and thank man. Yeah, oh hey, Mike, grab this thread.
Put it over there, will you? While we're well, while
I got thanks Pal, And it all comes back to aliens.
It's aliens, blob aliens. The forensic parctologist was right, don't
you understand brand? Listen, I'm gonna have to put you
(46:32):
on paid leave. Okay, I'm sorry, paid leave. I'm gonna
have the Brandon. What kind of restaurant is this? I
don't it's it's a red lobster. But right, it's a
red lobster. You're not fired or no, I don't want
to talk about it. I'm unpaid leave. That's the beautiful part.
(46:57):
So look this part ovid thing, I mean, you're still
doing takeout orders, right, they are still doing takeout orders.
I'm not doing takeouts. So you've been furloughed. Well, I
am getting paid for it, but I guess I have.
Well look looking over your finances. You've you've you've gotten
rid of sixty three employees over the past three years,
(47:20):
yet continue to pay them. Yeah, okay, so you've just
decided that these people are going on paid leave, they're
on baid leave. They need to cool off before they
come out. Why why not? Why not fire them? Well?
I mean, oh, I don't know. I never thought I
could do that, honestly. Uh. Also, all the lobsters in
(47:42):
this tank are dead. Oh I know that. So I'm
the one who killed your son, but it was because
I was looking for all of the human emotions here
on your planning. I'm so confused. I'm sorry. Tom Cruise
shows to my door and says he killed my son.
(48:03):
My son's ever met Tom Percy. Doesn't want to be
an actor, he doesn't want to be a scientologist. He
just like you to work it out. Where's the salami?
Your chair? See the fucking cat? How often was your
son home? Why are you asking this question? You say
(48:24):
you killed my son, and now you're sounds like you're
much to go down like a bad parenting route. Okay,
I was just that I'm not a bad parent. Okay,
could you spend more time in the gym than you did? Here? Yes,
open up, it's the police. There's five men and three
(48:47):
women here from the police. Why would he specify that
it's gonna hear my voice? Can you open the door?
You're close to do it. I've been tracking you for years.
I've been tracking you for years. You motherfucker. We're getting
(49:08):
You've been getting it. Everyone's ass. I know it's you.
I know it's you. What are you gonna do? Arrest me? Yeah? Yeah?
If hold that? Look how old that look? Weird? Crazy
man arrests human Tom Cruise. I think people are going
to be happy that you did that. You keep saying
(49:31):
nothing like Tom Cruise. I can name all of his movies. Okay, okay,
starting with taps? Taps? Why did I give you taps? Now? Listen, Gabe.
I love it. I think this is fantastic. Your memoirs
(49:51):
are crazy, alright, your years as a forensic productologists love it,
love it. But look, I don't know if we're gonna
be able to adapt this all right, all right into
that Uh well, I mean, look, true detectives already got
a writing squad, right, they're already doing their thing, all right,
and uh, I don't know they're gonna they're gonna take it.
We can pitch it to them, baby, we can pitch
it to them the baby, my sweet baby baby Detective
(50:14):
season what are you thinking doing? Look, we can fictionalize it,
or we could go full doc docuseries, you know Netflix,
Netflix interested? Oh my sweet little baby? Maybe maybe by baby,
but stuff touching my face? Jesus, Jimmy, how many times? Please?
(50:35):
You don't work at the agency anymore? Sorry about that,
jim that's our show, paid leave to go. Let's thank
Oliver Alkina. Shall we in a in a particular order?
Chris a Verando, Thank you so much, buddy, Thank you.
(50:56):
I love you, Mark and still fun to play with you, Caroline,
still fun to play with you. So glad we get
the spend a little time together. And happy holidays to
us all. Mark Gagli already thanks to you as well.
Good sir. Oh it's a pleasure man. You guys are awesome.
This always makes me happy. And where folks might look
to find you and your wares? Uh at Mark gags
on Twitter and Blood and Treasure season two coming up
(51:18):
January January that's so fucking awesome. Uh, Chris dash Alvarado
dot com. Is that what was left out of the conversation?
That's exactly what was left at that's Chris dash Alvarado
dot com. Come stop by with some fun, take some
home to your family. That's right, So don't forget that
(51:38):
to go bag. Thank you both, Caroline Carter, Yeah, thanks
for having me, Thanks for being had plans for the
rest of the day. Um, I might try to find
some chestnuts if anyone knows where I can get them.
I'm trying to make some chestnuts. I think j Max
(52:00):
hasn't They might feel nuts. Okay, let you know where
are you exactly are you? Yeah? I moved. I moved.
I moved. Okay, Okay, so that's why the background looks different. Yeah,
that's right. Still in la unfortunately, Craig Ankowski. You're still
(52:25):
in l A, l A unfortunately as well? Aren't you
as far as here for a little long hole? Damns
all everyone? How is the new uh December of craigslists
coming together? We watched three movies, haven't recorded one yet,
but we got some time. It's nine days till Christmas.
Fair enough, fair enough, and thank you, Joey Grierman, how's
(52:51):
that new Instagram account working out? I mean, so far,
so good. Thanking people anyone who follows me and gets
a little thank you video, because I do appreciate it.
I mean, it's can you you seem to have six
followers already and you just started a week ago. I think, Yeah,
it's a lot. It's a lot of thank you It's
it's um, it's a lot. But I'm happy to take
on that workload. I'm happy to take on that burden
(53:13):
because you can find me a god bless Jim Chum,
what is it really like? Three? It keeps dropping, people
keep on following me. Well, I've enjoyed every damn second
of it, and please don't stop. Let's thank our engineer
and producing the stars being fine folks, and I heart media.
(53:38):
I'm your host, Kevin Pollack reminding you that this is
the time to be kind to one another. But it
doesn't end at the what's happening with this, Mike, come
on already? Well you uh you eat one, Mike. Um,
it doesn't end the end of the year. Please remember
to be kind to each other and have each other's backsdammon.
(53:59):
In the new year, UH, and wear a mask when
you go outside. You sign up a pitch until next time.
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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