November 19, 2019 • 52 mins
Marvin McHugh Meets Judy Garland; A Farmer’s Market; Colonoscopy As Therapy.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy This. I'm your host,
Kevin Pollock. Yes that Kevin. I wish I could I do,
but I can't. No, no, you shut up, seriously, I can't,
but I digress. Let's meet our chamis, shall we? In
no particular order? Please say hello to Craig Cocao Chow.
What's your favorite Joey Greer smell? Uh? There's one that
(00:23):
he'll come in the room with. That's a little vinegary, right,
but it's a little sweet too, and then there's a
distinct aftertaste of ass. Yes, that's the one, sweet and savory.
We call it stopp insanity. Vanessa Raglan is in the
Who's veniche? Do you have a message for our listeners?
(00:46):
Oh god, oh god, be drink hydrate, hydrate, drink hydrates,
drink hydrate. Take a boo. It's James Ceney. H Can
dolphins really talk? Absolutely? They just talk in a different language.
(01:07):
What you've heard it? We all know whoa. It's Joey Greer.
Joe Oh no, how do you start your day? How
did you start your day to day? One ft at
a time? Wow? So great. Let's go back to James
Heney and last bit. Shut it tight if you think
it believes it's Chris Alvarado desk, but Alvarado is your
(01:32):
love is still available in reusable sizes. No we ran out,
Oh man, damn, So it's now it's you have your
choice of extra small or triple X. Betweens. We'd like
to invite you to be a v I P member
of our Patreon page. Bonus episodes are not available to
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(01:54):
for v i P s. You can call and leave
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having a contest right now. Another one's our second one
for a T shirt submissions. Um really, we're gonna shout out.
(02:15):
We have a list of names. I think at one
point we have to list off everyone's name. Is that right, James? Okay,
I think that's true. Yeah, that's one of the big ones.
All kinds of cool Ship. Please join our super core
fans by going to patreon dot com slash Alchemy. This
all of today's scene suggestions were guid from our listeners emails.
If you'd like to submit yours, please write to the
podcast at your name here at alchemy this dot com.
(02:37):
That's your name here at alchemy this dot com. Our
first scene comes from Nicholas, who wrote, hello you, lovely people.
All time listener, first time caller from Munich, Germany. I
jumped right into your Patreon at the v I P level,
which in my mind adds up to you having to
be at my beck and call. That's fair, it's it's
(02:59):
a deal. My idea is this Marvin McK as a
young man courting Judy Garland. Anyway, I idore all of you,
especially your name here, bestie group, Nicholas mach horror right
this way, Miss Garland. Is a great day. Thank you,
thank you. It's very nice. That is mine. I'm sure
there's a gentleman who's paid for fairy special v I
(03:22):
P meet and greet me. Yeah, that goes to your foundation.
Oh no, possibly accepted. So he's we're just gonna give
you a couple of minutes with your handlers and whatnot,
and then we'll bring he Hey, how are you doing?
Nice to meet you? Yeah, I pay for this v
I P. I just want a couple of hards, maybe
a couple of kisses and achieved. Wait wait taking mea oh,
(03:46):
I can't have any more like that? Just three more?
How do you do I'm somebody you don't know. You're
spitting on her face. Please be not sorry about my
dead tooth. What I want you to know is that
I like you more than you probably no get him
(04:09):
away from me in our last V I P anymore,
Give me my bottle, Give me my bottle, the other bottle,
the other bottle. Now put them all into this bottle. Okay,
now put him into the blender. One morning. Ms. Garland,
(04:35):
this is Marvin mckugh. Hello, I'm Marvin mckugh. I'm twenty
three years old. I'm a big fan, are you well?
Isn't that lovely? Marvin? For there's no place like There's
no place like home, there's no place like I'm clicking
my heels, but I'm not going anywhere. You want me
to beat the ship of this guy? Please know you
(04:57):
should You're lucky positive Well, I know I'm lucky because
I'm in the presence of the greatest entertainment that this
country is everything and stop. I loved every number that
you're saying tonight, did you could you understand me? No?
I couldn't understand. You were slurring every word I was.
(05:18):
I'm starting, Garland. Your dinner reservations are available for how many?
Reminds me for two? But you always eat alone? I
do always eat alone. I always eat alone. Well, I'd
love to join you, Mr McK Where we're going to know?
We're going to the Rainbow room of course. All right,
(05:41):
it's actually a booth at the back of Oh Charlie's. Well.
That sounds good, I know, And I just want to
say hello, Judy Garland. I paid a meter earlier and
I was escorted out. Come on. That was horrible. No,
(06:07):
that monsters scatting all over the place. Oh Marvin, Oh,
can you put this bottle into this battle? Sure, the
damn bottle into the Do I have a bottle in
my shoe? You do? You have a bottle in your shoe?
How do you walk around? Can you reach the bottle
in my shoe? Yes? Oh? No, you m Garland? Oh,
(06:31):
I say you have someone with you? Tonight? Graduated college?
Congratulations young buck isn't he? I graduated from buck Nell?
Fantastic usual starters. Well well, well, oh no, fine, we'll
(06:54):
bring that right over and Mr MQ, what can I
get you? I'll have a rare steak. Oh it's a
lovely choice for a big man like you. Sorry, I'm
just talking to more. We're pissing. But I saw you
on the table with Jimmy Garland. Judy Garland. Yeah, her
name is Judy Garland. That's pretty cool. How did you
(07:15):
swing that? I'm a big fan. I'm her biggest fan.
I'm always switched clothes and I get to go on
the date. How would switch in clothes help? I don't
know if you might think that i'm you and you
don't give me a chance to sneak in there? Let
her know the real deal. There's no way a guy
like you can Land Garland back off, pal and I
can out piss you winning day, Yeah and pay guards.
(07:46):
You're back, Marvel. Why will wet marb and you catch
your death of cold in my sweater? Marving? Oh wow,
that's a big sweater. Will you be my arms man?
I can't this guy your fun mom and give me
a bite of my start? All right? It says if
my right hand grabbed before. Okay, this is hard to
(08:09):
court me. But okay, am I stabbing here with the fourth? Honey?
I think that Judy Garland is over there trunk where
she's in the table. She's hitting herself, nice d her.
She's poking her eye with the four. Why would she
do that? Look, I don't know why. I think, Oh
my god, it's Judy Garland. She's strong. Oh my god,
(08:31):
it's Julie. We should go getting that try with her.
Who the young man that's with her? Oh my god?
Is there a young man in her shirt using his
arms to pretend to be his I think it's tim Sleftman,
tim Sleftman that you went to high school with, Miss
Garland jesticulating, I am gesticulating. I obviously um Mrs Kirby,
(09:07):
Uh okay, I am. I just wanted to I don't
want to let me rephrase that your husband was found
drowned in a hard stream of presumable urine. Yeah, and
his body who was left in the Did he tell
you to do? This is just some sort of joke,
because if it is, I don't think it's no, nor
do I think it's funny. He was his body was
found in the trough full advice. I am a detective
(09:31):
want I want to be a detective. And I heard
the detective talking about this, and I thought I could
get ahead of it and come out and talk to you. First,
I realized I was probably bored. Decision anyway, I come in.
You should say that, man, I'm a detective with the
We're both detectives. We're both detectives. What the fun are
you doing here? I man, what did you tell her?
(09:53):
I just told her that her husband probably died from
a hard ship of your he was found. Go back
to the station. You're gonna get your asking, all right, Hey,
what is happening? I thank you very much. You have
a lovely home. Ma'am. Here's the truth. You know too much?
Oh no, no, no, she knew too much. Okay, Judy, Maracle, Judy. Well,
(10:20):
I don't know what else you call me unless you
called me out. Don't do that's going to be a
big hit someday. Can I confess something to you? Yes? Absolutely,
I think I killed him. And tonight, with a powerful
stream of urine, we too, Garland, I'm back. I have
(10:46):
some very bad news. We know you were slated to
do a duet with Mr Sinatra, but he can't make it.
But we do have some microphones. We do have the
greatest piano player. Somebody saying duet scoop. So unless you
(11:08):
can find someone else to sing with you, I don't know, sir.
Do you sing? Boy? Why did you? Who say you
do or do not have a piano player? We do? Oh? Okay?
So did you want to sing by yourself? The people
who want to see a duet? I'd be happy to
sing with you. I could never forget you move and
(11:33):
covered the nearing MQ. No, what do you want to see?
What do you want to sing? What do you? What
do you? What do you say? Can you put this bottle?
And ladies and gentlemen round of applause everybody for what
you're about to see. Now we have a very very
(12:00):
wear fashion sits take it putting on the rich? Come?
What is that? I'm telling you, sweetheart? She is drunk
up there, she's stinging and my legs she was such
(12:21):
and now she's using that man she was using his
arms earlier. Are you are you to finish your stands? Black?
A million dollar trooper? Super? Now you want to pawn
a shoe that Judy Garland had a bottle in? That's right?
(12:43):
Whatever that's right, you son of a bit, damn it.
You know I cut you off and he said, son
of it. And I didn't think you're gonna come back
to son of a bit, you know. I mean, I
deal with this stuff all the goddamn time. This shoe,
I don't know. I have to to paw it. What
do you want to Well, let's cut out the middle man.
(13:03):
You get the funk out here if you're gonna do
Jumy Garland. Judy Garland comment out. That's right, get the
funk out of here. Mr MQ. I'm Judy Garland's butler.
She has written you so many letters and she wants
(13:24):
to know why you're not writing back. She's behind this.
What looked we shared one magical night. She wants more.
That's all I have to give. Well, I'm gonna step
aside and I'm gonna let you break this news to her.
(13:46):
Oh mov, Judy, kiss me, Marvin, kiss you one last time? Here,
kiss me here? Really? Oh ships to be seen? Number one?
(14:19):
Oh my, before I read seen number two, here's another
amazing emails, simply amazing. Alchemist. It's me Tim. You may
remember me from a couple of weeks ago when my
father died and Grandpa Joe was an alien. Well, y'all
done it again. I have another true story for you.
When I'm not listening to Alchemy this or hanging out
(14:41):
with my family, I am a sexual assault detective alas today,
I was mandated to patrol to assist with the Kincaid fires.
As I was driving down a freeway, there was a
stretch of homeless encampments. As one of the one of
the encampments, there was a man with his pants down,
bending very slightly and pooping. As we drove fast, he
(15:03):
literally had a long poop hanging from his bottom. I'm sorry,
I know it's foul, but here is the point. As
I was driving home after my shift, I was listening
to your live show on Patreon and you were doing
my scene suggestion. I was cracking up as at the
scene spiraling into being a baby being born in the
(15:23):
bathroom and Caroline's character having to cut an augillery chord
hanging down. But then, of course, even more magic happened
when Vanessa noted that the Auxiliarian record was really just
a big dangling poop magic. How the heck do you
know every time? What's going on in my life. It
(15:44):
was both too soon and impeccably time. Stay strong, stay safe,
and stay free. We're the worst soothsayers. Thank you, Tim.
That was awesome and now seen. Number two from Sarah,
who wrote, Hello hawk Uness. I feel like everybody's always
complimenting you. Is that wired? You're pretty okay? Sometimes? No, seriously,
enjoy the show. I am a chicken farmer and listening
(16:05):
while doing chores. I still listen even after you're throwing
shade at chickens and their tenders. My idea is a
small town farmer at the farmer's market dealing with the public.
Even though they put she's they've put in eighty hours
that week of work. People at the market are always
coming up to me and complaining about the prices and
(16:28):
and that they can get a big retail stores versus
what I sell for. Also, everyone and their dog have
some non research thing to try to tell me how
to raise my birds better than they read online. So
like how rotten okay? So that's from Sarah and the
last thing she said one of the examples given like
(16:51):
how rotten yogurt will make chickens lay more eggs by
giving chickens rotten Interesting? Yeah, so we now taking that
farmer's market. Just if I take these three tomatoes, I
can't get a discount for buying in bulk. No that's
not bulk. It's three tomatoes. Yes they're there are fifty
(17:12):
cents each. How once you go to Costco, get out
of line already. I'm about too great man. These are
these are naturally grown, no pest of sides, no gem gemallows. Well,
good lucks out on these tomatoes when they're all what
the fuss smash? Come here, come here, you know what?
You know what? You know what I get for those
time you're gonna smash my petits. I'm gonna get something
(17:35):
from me. All right, all right, I'm gonna get what
are your nipples? Huh don't? I'm right there. Hold up,
Mr Tomato man, We nipples off. We run a classy
establishment here. Okay, alright, Look, if people are gonna smash
my tomatoes, nightdown. People are gonna smash my tomatoes, I'm
(17:56):
gonna take a little piece of them. No, well, I
got a basketful of human nipples. That's all on sale.
Anybody wants a Sarah. How's it going, Sarah? Hey, wow,
we got a lot of those eggs. Huh great, I'll
keep patrolling keeping you safe. Thank you. I'm sorry were
I was with my sister here were we want to
(18:17):
know how many are the eggs? Did you? How many
or how far did you fresh farm? The fresh farm?
They are fresh from my time? Speak up? My sister
just gets freaked up. She's scared that one of them
is gonna hatch and it's not going to be a
chicken or it's gonna be a full grown human. So
that's like, that's hers for like scrambling. It's you can
use them for anything you would use eggs for. As
they are eggs and there are egging, you can make
(18:41):
egg urrings. How many eggs day are you from your chickens?
You can speak you can speak up your chickens. How
many eggs are? It varies a bit, but I I
yield probably between fifty and seventy that if you if
there were three dollars for a dozen and two dozen?
(19:03):
Look you freak my sister out? Do you freak my
sister out? Now? I read online? I read online. Okay,
you can go to a different booths alright forward market
security coming through, security coming through. What's the issue here?
The issue here is this woman? If I can say that?
Scared my sister? All right, how do you like tomatoes?
I like them raw or cooked? Fine, Well, there's some
behind you. Thank you, Sarah. Okay, yeah, thank you. I
(19:25):
was getting ugly fast. You don't you get pretty slow?
Oh my god, I'm embarrassed. I'm newly newly divorced. Oh
I'm never ever relations congratulations. Excuse me? Are these free
range chickens? They are, Yes, they're allowed to run around. Correct?
(19:46):
Do you read them? Um? I don't read to them.
I have listened to audiobooks around them, and I'm sure
are you wearing headphones? Are you just playing? Are you
playing on a speaker where the chickens can hear? Slaying
it on my iPhone without headphones? And I live on
a farm, so I just put it on speakerphone. What
kind of audio books? Well? Why do you care? Well,
(20:08):
because I want to know books. So it's trash. Oh
my god, Charlie. I found some beautiful tulips, beautiful red
I think we want to avoid these eggs. These ads
want to avoid you too, both of you little shits. Hey,
are you guys looking for eggs? Are you in the sewer? Come?
Over to the grate. Lean down to the grave. Where
(20:29):
are you going? Did you drop something? Excuse excuse us? Hey, hey,
you guys are in the market for eggs. Yes we are, Yes,
I have. I have a chicken in my trench coat
and it's just about to live in this sewer. You
can just step over those people. Yeah, just put your
put your hand in my trench coat. Hey, you chicken fucker,
what are you doing in my brain? Get out here.
(20:50):
I've got customers. I'm more cadustomers, of course. Yeah, trap
out of my holes. It's a lot better deal than
getting in a booth at the farmer's market. Get out
of here. I don't baby, I hear this. Baby, No,
I'm Charlie. Let's just get out of I'm sure he's
(21:13):
coming back. You know I'm gonna come out of you guys.
Stay there. There's a sale up there. Why do you
get I'm selling chicken eggs? How much? I don't know
if you really want to buy him? How much? There's
three dollars each, do three dollars? But they're really fresh.
This egg is gonna have a chicken in a second. No,
(21:36):
it's from a chicken's ass. Put your hand in my jack.
Put your chi called the cowaca, put your hand in
my jack, No problem, what every day cloaca? That true?
And they got a mixture of urine and okay, so
you're just coming in for a general knowledge of chickens there, right, Yeah,
(21:59):
let's just say it's for a friend. Okay. Let's say
a friend found a chicken. All right, they want to
come in my friend. Yeah, it would have been more
help if I talked to them. No, I'd like to
really play telephone kind of situation. So let's just say
that I had a cheer. You're sweating in that trench coat.
It's trench coat. It feels like it's a down. Just
(22:20):
take it off. Okay, well I can't take it off.
So what if there was a chicken in my trench
coat and I wanted if I wanted to easily have
the chicken pop on egg out into a hand. Well,
I can tell you right now from the stress and
heat that it's under that chicken. Excuse me? Is this
(22:41):
the chicken? Information? Does? Yes? It is. I don't have
an appointment. Is there any room? Say? Yeah, of course, okay, okay,
I'll take a number. Okay, thank you. Huh I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I just got so excited. My father there
was a chicken information alright, security backing up, back it up.
Hey Sarah, Hey, David, I am I want to confess
(23:04):
something to you. Wh would you kill? Why? That's the thing? Um?
Week after week I buy dozens and dozens of I
don't actually used to fly and it's frankly, I have
too many eggs and they're starting to rotten the refrigerator.
(23:24):
But the rotting smell reminds me of you. Know, you
have to get rid of rotting eggs. I don't want
to get rid of anything that you are a part of.
Are you saying? What are you saying? I'm in love
with you? Whoa I don't just like you. I don't
just like you a lot. I'm in love with you,
(23:46):
and I sleep with the eggs I get sometimes and
every now and then, David, is this the hussy that
you left before? I'm not hussy of a chicken farmer.
Don't call her husamily that you left. The reason why,
my friend, David, this is a little You told me
you were divorced because I met you. I met you
two and a half months ago, and the first time
(24:06):
I saw you. Hi, we're back. The guy we were
talking to when the seward disappeared, he just left. So
I think we do want some of these? Great yes?
Can you ask you? Do you feed the chicken's caviar?
What do you think about? That is the way to go,
you know, I was just curious about you. Where your well?
(24:26):
You I have and I haven't you animals leave her
alone and you too to receive it. I don't love
you anymore. I love Sarah, Sarah, and I have something
special going on your teller, Sarah, I don't. I thought
you were dude, but now you here? You want care
take these? Sara? Don't I don't want to hurt you. Well,
(24:55):
then don't. I'll never hurt you. Yeah. So it's two
nipples for a dollar and then one dollar. Two nipples
for a dollar, and you get two nipples, two nipples
for a dollar. Yeah, it's a good deal. How fresher
than him? Well, the ones that are greenish aren't going
to be the freshest one. But anything that's like only
shouldn't freshen hipple? Uh yeah, pinker brown? And those are
(25:16):
the ones that are good. How many freshm nipples? Just
show me the freshman. Just dig around here, I mean
just here like you are so, and who procured the nipples?
I did? That's these are all fresh catches. Yeah, you're
the nipple catcher. How Long've been doing that often for
about two years now? Hey, um, do you these are
your nipples? Yeah? Have tomatoes to? Did you massage them
(25:40):
more to? No? I like to do it in shock.
It makes them tighter. Oh, actually I've heard opposite. I
was gonna yeah, great, well I do opposite. So well,
so your nipples are ship No, my nipples are taught
and hard. They're they're perfectly arected. That's not the way
people want to eat them. It doesn't matter for either.
You can do what you can make him as a
(26:00):
small coaster for a little tea set. I mean, there's
so many applications. There's small a child's tea set, whatever
you like, small SIPs. I don't know if the children
should be using nipple coast. Look, man, there are two
for a dollar? Do you want? Yes? I do? Alright, great,
just pick two and take seven. Take seven. That's two
(26:23):
dollars too. That's two for dollar. Okay, so that's three
fifty two for dollar? Is this your manager? Yes, give
me a second, let me figure it out myself. Two
for a dollar and how many do you want? Seven? Seven?
It's gonna three? No, no, no, the math is off there.
(26:45):
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm letting go. Okay, I'm sorry.
Just you can you just drive away and leave with Hey? Look,
chicken information? Here? Are you? Okay? Ma'am? I'm not okay?
This man behind are official chicken information? Identify some of
this from this chicken's ass? What the s tell my wife?
(27:09):
I made a mistake by choosing you because it was
just satuation. You didn't have it back for mere falling
into a hole? What has happened to a great? Oh?
I live down here with you guys. I don't know
what did you bring? Uh? State of security? Sense of security?
Yeah you're not. I don't know. And I can feel
(27:31):
better about things because there's thank you get a weapon?
Yeah yeah, flashlight maglite O. Great's you guys have about
your own farmer's market down here at Harvards Ceple in
the story down there? Whoa No, tastes like a pickle?
(27:53):
Not interested? So I live here now? Okay? How much
you uh like to sleep? Lad? Damn? Lay down that's preferred. Okay,
we do actually sitting up stand them. You're not allowing
room down here, got you? Maybe this is crawls. Yeah,
(28:13):
it's seventeen dollars a day. What are you doing back here, Dave? David?
It's two in the morning. You left your family. You
smell like sewage. I come with you with my hat
and hand, Darling. No one's here, No one's here. Why
is the room smell like pickles? It's I don't know
(28:35):
what I brought you, some treats your kids donuts? These
are pickles. They're Amish doughnuts. Stupid little fucker. This is
what got you kicked out of the house in the
first place. I didn't get kicked out about how much
you got left? Yeah you did, you left. Nobody needs
a dozen of these. I'm back. The baker doesn't. There's thirteen.
(28:57):
These are three. Made a mistake, you did. I swear
by my guard card, your guard card, that I will
not make this mistake again. What I've been dreaming of
you saying this for so long. Here's my mag light.
You need that. Martha. You should not take him back.
I don't care what he swore by. He swore on
his card card. He handed my card a thing he
(29:21):
printed out. You are weak and you need to get
so much stronger. Okay, ladies, sorry to keep you waiting.
I do have a question. I do have an answer
to your question about chicken. I ran into the chicken
information desk and got an answer. We we broil it,
(29:41):
I guess. Actually I have another question. Okay, with the
chicken questions today, I mean, if it's too much, I'm sorry, No,
it's it's okay. So if I don't want to broil it, yeah,
and I want to just cooking normal? What does that mean? Okay,
we're arrested. Were arrestaurants chicken questions? Yeah? Um? In terms
(30:06):
of you know, emotion and intimacy? Where did chickens go? Okay,
all right, I'll be right back, I'll be ready. Yeah,
I mean again again, I don't know what I'm sorry information.
So I'm sorry, sir. I don't have an appointment. I'm
waiting on a table about two miles away. I ran here. Yeah,
(30:31):
it was something about oh god, what was it about
chickens emotions? Chickens have emotions. Let me think, let me think, uh, emotions,
they have emotions. Yeah, actually, you probably want to go
to the philosophy tent because they're going to be able
to break it down in the way that Okay, do
will they see me on a moment's notice? Okay, excuse me,
(30:54):
Mr chicken man. Yes, I'm an actual chicken, and you
have been spreading false information about us. Look all I
get is the information I'm looking at you. Okay, Look
the Chicken department tells me what to say. Yes, he
had decided to leave the firm. It turns out they
(31:17):
had been mobbed up all along. An audio book. But
this is me, John Grissom, reading my own work. It's
just an audio book. Okay, you into this embarrassingly? Yes, okay,
do you if I pet you? Huh? Do you like
that I opened up the Pelican brief. You're laying an
(31:41):
egg discovered that it was time to kill Well, there's
an alligator in here. I'm not actually a chicken scene too,
there's an internal logic that's undeniable. Our final seeing him
(32:03):
from Jason here wrote Hello, I wanted to thank you
for making me look forward to my hour and a
half drive past in Santa Monica. Well, it's a lot
of traffic, I guess an hour and a half My
eyes are in tears of laughter, especially after listening to
the baseball mascot scene. My scene suggestion about to get
it Coloska Cana, Do you say that? Colon oscar colin
(32:27):
oscope exam by a doctor who is also an expert
in psychotherapy and then anecdotally connects their psychological issues with
their medical diagnosis best Jason Kang alright, looking at your
butt here? Yeah, that's the X ray of my I
(32:48):
have a question for you. Um, you have a question.
I do because I'm the doctor. Yes, the rings here, Uh,
it looks like there's a little burning right, No, I don't.
You can't see it your face down, but it looks
like they're a little looking through the camera. Are you
down the gun hole? So it looks like there there's
(33:11):
some there's burning rings. Sir again, this is what I'm
telling you. What I'm saying, burned Edges, just calm down.
Every time you get upset, your pucker and I can't
see all right, so just stay relaxed. Let's stay loose.
Is that a whole fist? Yeah? Well I'm trying, but
I got three knuckles in Rick, give me a second.
(33:34):
Thank you so much? Was I left her right handed.
All right, who's wanting? I really thought I was gonna
be under Do you want somehow? What does that? I
take in some right? There? Just want? That's not bad.
Don't swallow up? And oh my god? Hello, who are you?
(34:00):
I'm not your god? No, but I'm the doctor. Oh.
I have to go for the bathroom. Excuse me? What's
going on? Why do you have a sandwich in your head?
I have to go? Are you by two o'clock? Yes?
Oh my god, I am so sorry. Catch him someone
catch that man Farmer's market security. I don't know if
(34:21):
I could help. Well, you can run, go get him?
Do you love me? Oh? He doctor? What is happening?
How did? I'm afraid? I mean, I'm still unpacking what
I just saw. But I'm sandwich as well. Let me
just get my gloves on. We real doctors a few tips,
um wear gloves. We would that should have been the tailtible.
(34:45):
Never stick a sandwich on a bottom, make any sense?
But Rick, you'll me? Who are you? Who are you?
Rick's gone? Well, somebody's gonna pay me for my sandwich? Um,
here you go? Thank you? Should I leave? I think so?
(35:06):
All right? Bye? Thanks for the money. Thanks for the sandwich.
Let me get this straight. The guy came in, I
told you that you had the sandwich for the guy,
and you did nothing. I'm just trying to get this
report correct because no, I think that the sandwich had
already been consumed, some of it was in the patient's
but you mentioned that. I did say that yet, So
why would you not talk to the guy who gave
(35:26):
Rick that? Well? Because the way he said it, I
felt guilty. He said where Rick? And I was like,
am I in the wrong place? But that's so you had.
You had parents that were maybe not so nice and
nice but um not trusting, you know, And so I
felt good. Four three seven two Avenue m cochrane. I'm
(35:49):
gonna write clock, but scratch that out, all right? And
do you have their number? Uh? Oh, that wasn't their
whole address, because you need like a zip code and
a stap and stuff. Okay, I'm a cop. I think
I know how this works. So in their phone number
at the area code at the very end. I'm doing
it in the order I would dial it so badly
(36:11):
the area code ue three one three anymore? Oh, you
didn't write those numbers down? Hello? Hello, Hello, can you
see me? Can you see me? No, this is a
vocal can you see me though? No? Okay, good, good,
(36:35):
so far checks. I just talked to your daughter, Rebecca
Rebecca Milson. I don't have a daughter. I have four sons. Okay,
thank you? Oh male, can I see you mom? Yeah?
Of course. I'm getting some reports about your work in
the field, and I just wanted to also a couple
of details would be great if you could cooperate them,
that'd be great. Yes, sir, you've written down about a
(36:56):
third of an address here. Uh so what was that about.
I've got a number, a street name, and that's it. Yes, sir,
well Lincoln. Uh did you think it was just here
in town and you would find it? Oh? Even if
it wasn't, sir, I'd do my due diligence. Right. Well,
it doesn't seem so because you didn't write down the city,
the state where it crossed out the address a little
(37:17):
bit clockran you did, and then then you wrote in
cock Ring. Yeah, and to be fair, sir, no one
lives there. It's not that's not a real address. Yeah.
This is a sex shop man. Yeah, for now, picks
what's going on your mind? Sterilized yeah, that's been sterilized.
(37:41):
That has it is a Judy Garland boot replicas. That
was like, yeah, no, it's a real thing. Jesus, Hey, baby,
you were right. You were right. You're right. Whens to
the doctor today said my butt looks fine, but but
I do have trust issues. Yeah, that's what I was saying.
(38:03):
You were right. Well, thank you, I'm sorry, I mean sorry.
It's a good start. Well I can go further. Thank you.
You gave me somethings to work on at home with you. Okay, Well,
I've actually got some things I'd like to work on,
but we'll start with what you want and will move
fast because we gotta make up for lost time. Okay,
I'm pulling my pants down. Okay, put your finger in
(38:24):
my butt, all right? Okay, and now this is the
place of truth. Is this is exciting like I wanted.
This is like what I wanted to be doing a
month ago. I know, I'm I'm catching up. I'm catching up.
What was that mom down? Closer to it? And how
(38:49):
did you go with your wife? Well? Did you do
the exercises I recommend? Yes, but she added her own
she had a little wrinkle that was an issue. We
had the button place, I mean the finger in place
for the for the circle of truth, right, and justin
I was about to open up, she shoved. She said
(39:14):
the remote controls in remote control. Was it a universal remote?
I don't recall. But then my daughter walked in and
I was crying, and I was like, it's pretty easy
to tell if it's a universal remote. Doesn't work, doesn't
work for for multiple Yeah, it does, I think. So
I just don't I feel I feel like I've regressed.
(39:34):
I don't feel like I'm making any progress anymore. Do Okay,
I'm going to write you a prescription for a more
ass play, It says cockering. Yes, there's a sex shop
down the block. Um, yeah, and I don't give me
one of those little hats. I guess I just lost
my job, so it's sucking nuts. But I was a
doctor for a while. Crazy how these things just flip out,
you know what I mean? Those inflatable dolls, they inflate
(39:57):
themselves or them up unless you have one of those
air pumps. You guys sell those here. Okay, you gotta
go home, you do, I know you? Um, I think
you were putting a sandwich in a man's asshole in
my office today. I was just stopping by for a
butt plug. But this day will not end. Yeah, I
(40:19):
don't did did we? Ring? That's my name? I found
that out from your sandwich guy. You owe me eight bucks?
Oh my god, that's not me. Prescription off? Okay to
me about a half hour to fill this. Uh you're
getting you get a prescript shruckt uh filled out? I
(40:40):
can do that. I'm a doctor. He's not a doctor.
You're not a doctor. I don't know who you are.
Give me your wallet, give me your walk I shouldn't
have that. I'm gonna need to size you for that cockering.
Oh you want to do that in the back? Are
you're just gonna do that? Here? We're gonna do that here?
Do you care? Whoa if I? If I let the
(41:01):
counter people start stealing ship? Well, you were a doctor,
Harvard educated doctor at one time. Let me hear it up.
I worked in theoretical ideas, and in doing so, the
thought that I could be young at heart was always
(41:21):
available to me. Which you are young. You look like
you your twenty six says on your license. Sorry I
am twenty s So I had to run the counter
from my uncle while he's doing something back there. Either
of you want or anything. The lady wanted that blow
up doll and I wanted the butt plug, and he
(41:42):
hears me heat dollars so you can start it on
him and then I'll finish off whatever's last. Alright, Yeah,
well we put on her tab and then no, we
can put the butt plug on your tab and then
I'll pay the difference. Yes, Rick, Yes, I thought you
were a banned from the store. Was my uncle? No? Yeah,
he I talked to him. I was just talking to
(42:03):
me back behind the counter. Well, we have your length
but not your girth, so but everything was going fine
out there, I thought, yeah, yeah, Well can I ask
you a question? I have the little scale. Okay, we're
a little scale. Is this all just mumbo jumbo or
well this really helped me. Look, you're weighing my balls
later member on the little scale. My balls are my penis. Well,
(42:27):
what do you want, doctor? We can do both together,
or we can do which amazements? I mean, I know
how much of balls were I going to tell you
we need to do? We need to do at amagement. Yeah, yeah, okay,
we're coming in at um twenty two ounces. Yeah, big boss.
If you get the wrong size cockering, I mean, your
(42:47):
marriage is at stakes. What I'm asking you? Yeah, well
it'll work. We'll go home with this. Is Is this
a solve all? Fix all? I just fit people for
the cock rings like out, don't squeeze that. I didn't
know what that was, penis. Oh look what well this
is going on? There's a classic meat cute happening out
(43:09):
in the I don't give a damn about that, all right.
If you think for one fucking second, I'm gonna give
up my right as an American, go look at the
don't have sex with plastic. You're up your ass, all right,
I am my ask thanks for probating. Charge it to
her and then just give me aet to him. Just
pay for the butt plug. Pay for it. I can't
(43:31):
pay for it. Taking money out of your pocket and
pay for the ladies but plug. I want that latext
thing to come on. You want the little horsetail. I'm
not gonna buy that, all right? Now, look what's listen? Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. Okay,
we're listening to if if If I pay for the
butt plug, okay, and I get the little doll okay,
(43:53):
and in the tail Okay, why don't we Why don't
we throwing something else there? Just for ships and gigs? Huh?
What are you thinking? I'm thinking, don't know, maybe another doll,
another doll? Yeah, why not? Maybe he just blew up
that whole situation just then, want to buy another doll? Yeah?
Do you feel the energy though between that? Yeah? Okay, okay,
(44:17):
so are we all done here? I'm almost done, but
I'd like to get more accurate reading. I don't can
we get a temperature? I'm sorry, Sorry, we're gonna have
to remove your penis. It seems that the cook ering
that you had purchased, um was well, that wasn't good metal.
(44:39):
Because what are my options here? Well, your options are
being fitted for a synthetic piece. We can and that's
the real thing. Oh yeah, did it look real? Super real?
We can make them huge? I think the size color? Yeah,
whether it's good to have you back. Let me just
look over your file, remind myself of your case. Yeah, no,
need doc. Take a look at the this. It looks
(45:02):
like a big plastic pretender penis with a little blow
up all on it. Wait, wait a second, you work
at the sex shop. And the doctor's office. What do
you mean you get a whole racket here, your your
your prescription rotting my penis off of my body? Well,
(45:23):
did you read the fine print? There's always a five
percent chance of that happening. I never go back to
the sex shop by Wait, well, anyway, do you think
Mitchell marriage not bad? Really not bad? And I guess
now the more I think about it, if my if
the cheap metal on that cockering hadn't infected my little
penis and making it so that I had to have
(45:47):
it cut off and then have the synthetic large penis
put on my body, thus being able to satisfy my
wife mentally and physically, I guess I wouldn't. Bye, I
forgot to get my sun casse tuna. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's up my guss doctor. Come in. Hi, I'm here
(46:11):
to see the doctor. We have one second. Please, you
have an appointment. I don't have an officer of the law.
What are your name? Please may see some sort of
identification officer. That's a big bed that's you, huh tipt No, officer, tipto.
I'm not a doctor. You want to see the doctor, Yes,
if you just have a seat that'll let him know
(46:32):
to stand. I don't I sleep when I stand right,
but it makes me nervous. I'm gonna stand. I would
you like me to get to the doctor? I would that.
I would need you to take it. Lay on my knees.
But one appointment, of course you do. Nice to see
you again, Mrs Julison here, Mrs Wilson, Mrs Wilson. Do
you do you have anyone who lived on Cochrane Road three?
(46:56):
What is those simples that you write on that note?
Do you know anyone at this addrest? That's not letters?
Are numbers? Do you know anyone at this address? I
don't know what that is? Do you know anyone at
this don't know what that is? Do you know anyone
at this number? Then? You never seen this number? Number?
Look at this? Please look at me? Look like someone else?
It looks like stick. Please stop arressing our patients, customers.
(47:20):
I'm going to get the doctor. Mrs Wilson and Verdetta.
Would you have towards, sweetheart? Did you see that assistant
just slap the ship out of that cop I did,
I say the copy ship. I don't know if this
is a real doctor's office, but they've done wonders for you,
so let's keep going, okay, doctor, Yeah, Mrs Wilson, as
(47:41):
I want to. Yes, Yes, there's also office outside, just
asking and yelling at a patient about that. Okay, look
that is not a number. V may need to move
the office again again. Yeah. Yeah, there's a sewer, we said,
just as an opening. Start packing. Okay, yeah, meanwhile Mrs
(48:05):
Lis okay, I'll see her. And then Philish came out back. Yeah,
how can I hope you today? You already? Did you already?
Did you know what you said about my asshole and
how it was all connected to d Well, you're right
it was, and Lucy's a goose. I don't know, but
(48:28):
I got a new lease on life. Well you're here,
so I might as well take a look. Oh yeah,
I love it. I love nothing more. You're gonna have
to drop partner. Some pop falls out. It's okay. I'm
a doctor. I'm an as doctor slash psychologist. Oh you
know my mother, I forgive her in there right down
(48:52):
the barrel. Okay, let me ask you something. Oh there's
something in there? Who is it? Oh? I don't know.
I just moved in. Okay, Okay, this is there's someone
living in the Pardon me, I'm sorry you got to
(49:15):
hold bout of them in there. Help me find my cage,
will drive out of here. Yes, sounds good. Okay, Well,
we're going to need to do some regression therapy and
we're going to need to talk about your childhood again,
and then I think the guys living in your asks
will go away. I would like that very much, now
that I know they're here. Okay, I'm going to write
you a prescription. Do you know the sex shop down
(49:36):
the street, Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, so they don't have
everything you need there. Okay, thank you so much, and
now I'm going to escape out the back because this
is illegal, okay. And that's our that's like all of
our alchemists in no particular ord. Joey Greth, thanks so
(49:57):
much for being here and being as weird as you
are happy to be here. If you want to hear
some more weird ship, check out my album good Night,
Good Night So Good Botify and iTunes, Amazon, Napster as well.
It's in the top three hundred albums in the country,
so congratulations. Yeah, it is amazing. James Jeeney, thank you
guys for tuning in I have to also say I
(50:19):
have left a lot at Chowe's alp them so checking
out an opportunity. It's very funny. Thanks James Cracket. Nothing
on the charts right now, but keep keep posting it
at Kikowski on Twitter, see Kikowski on Instagram. So nothing
on the charts. Dynasty dipe writer and congratulations again on
(50:42):
the New York Times looking on it, Chris Ovarando zero
chart talk. A lot of us here though, do a
lot of shows, a lot of places. Yeah, So one
of those places is the West Side Comedy Theater. Inside
there a lot of us here teach their new shows there.
So stop by the West Side Comedy Theater and Engineer
to the Stars Mr Doug Bank and I heard media.
(51:08):
Go to Patreon dot com, slash alchemy this and support
the show if you can, If you'd like, there's a
hotline phone number there. We await your requests and questions
all right to us at your name here tolcy this
dot com. We greatly appreciate your patronage. Until next time,
I'm your host, Kevin Polican. Remember who
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy This. I'm your host,
Kevin Pollock. Yes that Kevin. I wish I could I do,
but I can't. No, no, you shut up, seriously, I can't,
but I digress. Let's meet our chamis, shall we? In
no particular order? Please say hello to Craig Cocao Chow.
What's your favorite Joey Greer smell? Uh? There's one that
(00:23):
he'll come in the room with. That's a little vinegary, right,
but it's a little sweet too, and then there's a
distinct aftertaste of ass. Yes, that's the one, sweet and savory.
We call it stopp insanity. Vanessa Raglan is in the
Who's veniche? Do you have a message for our listeners?
(00:46):
Oh god, oh god, be drink hydrate, hydrate, drink hydrates,
drink hydrate. Take a boo. It's James Ceney. H Can
dolphins really talk? Absolutely? They just talk in a different language.
(01:07):
What you've heard it? We all know whoa. It's Joey Greer.
Joe Oh no, how do you start your day? How
did you start your day to day? One ft at
a time? Wow? So great. Let's go back to James
Heney and last bit. Shut it tight if you think
it believes it's Chris Alvarado desk, but Alvarado is your
(01:32):
love is still available in reusable sizes. No we ran out,
Oh man, damn, So it's now it's you have your
choice of extra small or triple X. Betweens. We'd like
to invite you to be a v I P member
of our Patreon page. Bonus episodes are not available to
non members. Will be yours. There's a phone number just
(01:54):
for v i P s. You can call and leave
a message, be the question or request what ebbs will
reply at our new regular video Q and A with
the Alchemists at my whose which are only available to
v i P s. All kinds of cool Ship. We're
having a contest right now. Another one's our second one
for a T shirt submissions. Um really, we're gonna shout out.
(02:15):
We have a list of names. I think at one
point we have to list off everyone's name. Is that right, James? Okay,
I think that's true. Yeah, that's one of the big ones.
All kinds of cool Ship. Please join our super core
fans by going to patreon dot com slash Alchemy. This
all of today's scene suggestions were guid from our listeners emails.
If you'd like to submit yours, please write to the
podcast at your name here at alchemy this dot com.
(02:37):
That's your name here at alchemy this dot com. Our
first scene comes from Nicholas, who wrote, hello you, lovely people.
All time listener, first time caller from Munich, Germany. I
jumped right into your Patreon at the v I P level,
which in my mind adds up to you having to
be at my beck and call. That's fair, it's it's
(02:59):
a deal. My idea is this Marvin McK as a
young man courting Judy Garland. Anyway, I idore all of you,
especially your name here, bestie group, Nicholas mach horror right
this way, Miss Garland. Is a great day. Thank you,
thank you. It's very nice. That is mine. I'm sure
there's a gentleman who's paid for fairy special v I
(03:22):
P meet and greet me. Yeah, that goes to your foundation.
Oh no, possibly accepted. So he's we're just gonna give
you a couple of minutes with your handlers and whatnot,
and then we'll bring he Hey, how are you doing?
Nice to meet you? Yeah, I pay for this v
I P. I just want a couple of hards, maybe
a couple of kisses and achieved. Wait wait taking mea oh,
(03:46):
I can't have any more like that? Just three more?
How do you do I'm somebody you don't know. You're
spitting on her face. Please be not sorry about my
dead tooth. What I want you to know is that
I like you more than you probably no get him
(04:09):
away from me in our last V I P anymore,
Give me my bottle, Give me my bottle, the other bottle,
the other bottle. Now put them all into this bottle. Okay,
now put him into the blender. One morning. Ms. Garland,
(04:35):
this is Marvin mckugh. Hello, I'm Marvin mckugh. I'm twenty
three years old. I'm a big fan, are you well?
Isn't that lovely? Marvin? For there's no place like There's
no place like home, there's no place like I'm clicking
my heels, but I'm not going anywhere. You want me
to beat the ship of this guy? Please know you
(04:57):
should You're lucky positive Well, I know I'm lucky because
I'm in the presence of the greatest entertainment that this
country is everything and stop. I loved every number that
you're saying tonight, did you could you understand me? No?
I couldn't understand. You were slurring every word I was.
(05:18):
I'm starting, Garland. Your dinner reservations are available for how many?
Reminds me for two? But you always eat alone? I
do always eat alone. I always eat alone. Well, I'd
love to join you, Mr McK Where we're going to know?
We're going to the Rainbow room of course. All right,
(05:41):
it's actually a booth at the back of Oh Charlie's. Well.
That sounds good, I know, And I just want to
say hello, Judy Garland. I paid a meter earlier and
I was escorted out. Come on. That was horrible. No,
(06:07):
that monsters scatting all over the place. Oh Marvin, Oh,
can you put this bottle into this battle? Sure, the
damn bottle into the Do I have a bottle in
my shoe? You do? You have a bottle in your shoe?
How do you walk around? Can you reach the bottle
in my shoe? Yes? Oh? No, you m Garland? Oh,
(06:31):
I say you have someone with you? Tonight? Graduated college?
Congratulations young buck isn't he? I graduated from buck Nell?
Fantastic usual starters. Well well, well, oh no, fine, we'll
(06:54):
bring that right over and Mr MQ, what can I
get you? I'll have a rare steak. Oh it's a
lovely choice for a big man like you. Sorry, I'm
just talking to more. We're pissing. But I saw you
on the table with Jimmy Garland. Judy Garland. Yeah, her
name is Judy Garland. That's pretty cool. How did you
(07:15):
swing that? I'm a big fan. I'm her biggest fan.
I'm always switched clothes and I get to go on
the date. How would switch in clothes help? I don't
know if you might think that i'm you and you
don't give me a chance to sneak in there? Let
her know the real deal. There's no way a guy
like you can Land Garland back off, pal and I
can out piss you winning day, Yeah and pay guards.
(07:46):
You're back, Marvel. Why will wet marb and you catch
your death of cold in my sweater? Marving? Oh wow,
that's a big sweater. Will you be my arms man?
I can't this guy your fun mom and give me
a bite of my start? All right? It says if
my right hand grabbed before. Okay, this is hard to
(08:09):
court me. But okay, am I stabbing here with the fourth? Honey?
I think that Judy Garland is over there trunk where
she's in the table. She's hitting herself, nice d her.
She's poking her eye with the four. Why would she
do that? Look, I don't know why. I think, Oh
my god, it's Judy Garland. She's strong. Oh my god,
(08:31):
it's Julie. We should go getting that try with her.
Who the young man that's with her? Oh my god?
Is there a young man in her shirt using his
arms to pretend to be his I think it's tim Sleftman,
tim Sleftman that you went to high school with, Miss
Garland jesticulating, I am gesticulating. I obviously um Mrs Kirby,
(09:07):
Uh okay, I am. I just wanted to I don't
want to let me rephrase that your husband was found
drowned in a hard stream of presumable urine. Yeah, and
his body who was left in the Did he tell
you to do? This is just some sort of joke,
because if it is, I don't think it's no, nor
do I think it's funny. He was his body was
found in the trough full advice. I am a detective
(09:31):
want I want to be a detective. And I heard
the detective talking about this, and I thought I could
get ahead of it and come out and talk to you. First,
I realized I was probably bored. Decision anyway, I come in.
You should say that, man, I'm a detective with the
We're both detectives. We're both detectives. What the fun are
you doing here? I man, what did you tell her?
(09:53):
I just told her that her husband probably died from
a hard ship of your he was found. Go back
to the station. You're gonna get your asking, all right, Hey,
what is happening? I thank you very much. You have
a lovely home. Ma'am. Here's the truth. You know too much?
Oh no, no, no, she knew too much. Okay, Judy, Maracle, Judy. Well,
(10:20):
I don't know what else you call me unless you
called me out. Don't do that's going to be a
big hit someday. Can I confess something to you? Yes? Absolutely,
I think I killed him. And tonight, with a powerful
stream of urine, we too, Garland, I'm back. I have
(10:46):
some very bad news. We know you were slated to
do a duet with Mr Sinatra, but he can't make it.
But we do have some microphones. We do have the
greatest piano player. Somebody saying duet scoop. So unless you
(11:08):
can find someone else to sing with you, I don't know, sir.
Do you sing? Boy? Why did you? Who say you
do or do not have a piano player? We do? Oh? Okay?
So did you want to sing by yourself? The people
who want to see a duet? I'd be happy to
sing with you. I could never forget you move and
(11:33):
covered the nearing MQ. No, what do you want to see?
What do you want to sing? What do you? What
do you? What do you say? Can you put this bottle?
And ladies and gentlemen round of applause everybody for what
you're about to see. Now we have a very very
(12:00):
wear fashion sits take it putting on the rich? Come?
What is that? I'm telling you, sweetheart? She is drunk
up there, she's stinging and my legs she was such
(12:21):
and now she's using that man she was using his
arms earlier. Are you are you to finish your stands? Black?
A million dollar trooper? Super? Now you want to pawn
a shoe that Judy Garland had a bottle in? That's right?
(12:43):
Whatever that's right, you son of a bit, damn it.
You know I cut you off and he said, son
of it. And I didn't think you're gonna come back
to son of a bit, you know. I mean, I
deal with this stuff all the goddamn time. This shoe,
I don't know. I have to to paw it. What
do you want to Well, let's cut out the middle man.
(13:03):
You get the funk out here if you're gonna do
Jumy Garland. Judy Garland comment out. That's right, get the
funk out of here. Mr MQ. I'm Judy Garland's butler.
She has written you so many letters and she wants
(13:24):
to know why you're not writing back. She's behind this.
What looked we shared one magical night. She wants more.
That's all I have to give. Well, I'm gonna step
aside and I'm gonna let you break this news to her.
(13:46):
Oh mov, Judy, kiss me, Marvin, kiss you one last time? Here,
kiss me here? Really? Oh ships to be seen? Number one?
(14:19):
Oh my, before I read seen number two, here's another
amazing emails, simply amazing. Alchemist. It's me Tim. You may
remember me from a couple of weeks ago when my
father died and Grandpa Joe was an alien. Well, y'all
done it again. I have another true story for you.
When I'm not listening to Alchemy this or hanging out
(14:41):
with my family, I am a sexual assault detective alas today,
I was mandated to patrol to assist with the Kincaid fires.
As I was driving down a freeway, there was a
stretch of homeless encampments. As one of the one of
the encampments, there was a man with his pants down,
bending very slightly and pooping. As we drove fast, he
(15:03):
literally had a long poop hanging from his bottom. I'm sorry,
I know it's foul, but here is the point. As
I was driving home after my shift, I was listening
to your live show on Patreon and you were doing
my scene suggestion. I was cracking up as at the
scene spiraling into being a baby being born in the
(15:23):
bathroom and Caroline's character having to cut an augillery chord
hanging down. But then, of course, even more magic happened
when Vanessa noted that the Auxiliarian record was really just
a big dangling poop magic. How the heck do you
know every time? What's going on in my life. It
(15:44):
was both too soon and impeccably time. Stay strong, stay safe,
and stay free. We're the worst soothsayers. Thank you, Tim.
That was awesome and now seen. Number two from Sarah,
who wrote, Hello hawk Uness. I feel like everybody's always
complimenting you. Is that wired? You're pretty okay? Sometimes? No, seriously,
enjoy the show. I am a chicken farmer and listening
(16:05):
while doing chores. I still listen even after you're throwing
shade at chickens and their tenders. My idea is a
small town farmer at the farmer's market dealing with the public.
Even though they put she's they've put in eighty hours
that week of work. People at the market are always
coming up to me and complaining about the prices and
(16:28):
and that they can get a big retail stores versus
what I sell for. Also, everyone and their dog have
some non research thing to try to tell me how
to raise my birds better than they read online. So
like how rotten okay? So that's from Sarah and the
last thing she said one of the examples given like
(16:51):
how rotten yogurt will make chickens lay more eggs by
giving chickens rotten Interesting? Yeah, so we now taking that
farmer's market. Just if I take these three tomatoes, I
can't get a discount for buying in bulk. No that's
not bulk. It's three tomatoes. Yes they're there are fifty
(17:12):
cents each. How once you go to Costco, get out
of line already. I'm about too great man. These are
these are naturally grown, no pest of sides, no gem gemallows. Well,
good lucks out on these tomatoes when they're all what
the fuss smash? Come here, come here, you know what?
You know what? You know what I get for those
time you're gonna smash my petits. I'm gonna get something
(17:35):
from me. All right, all right, I'm gonna get what
are your nipples? Huh don't? I'm right there. Hold up,
Mr Tomato man, We nipples off. We run a classy
establishment here. Okay, alright, Look, if people are gonna smash
my tomatoes, nightdown. People are gonna smash my tomatoes, I'm
(17:56):
gonna take a little piece of them. No, well, I
got a basketful of human nipples. That's all on sale.
Anybody wants a Sarah. How's it going, Sarah? Hey, wow,
we got a lot of those eggs. Huh great, I'll
keep patrolling keeping you safe. Thank you. I'm sorry were
I was with my sister here were we want to
(18:17):
know how many are the eggs? Did you? How many
or how far did you fresh farm? The fresh farm?
They are fresh from my time? Speak up? My sister
just gets freaked up. She's scared that one of them
is gonna hatch and it's not going to be a
chicken or it's gonna be a full grown human. So
that's like, that's hers for like scrambling. It's you can
use them for anything you would use eggs for. As
they are eggs and there are egging, you can make
(18:41):
egg urrings. How many eggs day are you from your chickens?
You can speak you can speak up your chickens. How
many eggs are? It varies a bit, but I I
yield probably between fifty and seventy that if you if
there were three dollars for a dozen and two dozen?
(19:03):
Look you freak my sister out? Do you freak my
sister out? Now? I read online? I read online. Okay,
you can go to a different booths alright forward market
security coming through, security coming through. What's the issue here?
The issue here is this woman? If I can say that?
Scared my sister? All right, how do you like tomatoes?
I like them raw or cooked? Fine, Well, there's some
behind you. Thank you, Sarah. Okay, yeah, thank you. I
(19:25):
was getting ugly fast. You don't you get pretty slow?
Oh my god, I'm embarrassed. I'm newly newly divorced. Oh
I'm never ever relations congratulations. Excuse me? Are these free
range chickens? They are, Yes, they're allowed to run around. Correct?
(19:46):
Do you read them? Um? I don't read to them.
I have listened to audiobooks around them, and I'm sure
are you wearing headphones? Are you just playing? Are you
playing on a speaker where the chickens can hear? Slaying
it on my iPhone without headphones? And I live on
a farm, so I just put it on speakerphone. What
kind of audio books? Well? Why do you care? Well,
(20:08):
because I want to know books. So it's trash. Oh
my god, Charlie. I found some beautiful tulips, beautiful red
I think we want to avoid these eggs. These ads
want to avoid you too, both of you little shits. Hey,
are you guys looking for eggs? Are you in the sewer? Come?
Over to the grate. Lean down to the grave. Where
(20:29):
are you going? Did you drop something? Excuse excuse us? Hey, hey,
you guys are in the market for eggs. Yes we are, Yes,
I have. I have a chicken in my trench coat
and it's just about to live in this sewer. You
can just step over those people. Yeah, just put your
put your hand in my trench coat. Hey, you chicken fucker,
what are you doing in my brain? Get out here.
(20:50):
I've got customers. I'm more cadustomers, of course. Yeah, trap
out of my holes. It's a lot better deal than
getting in a booth at the farmer's market. Get out
of here. I don't baby, I hear this. Baby, No,
I'm Charlie. Let's just get out of I'm sure he's
(21:13):
coming back. You know I'm gonna come out of you guys.
Stay there. There's a sale up there. Why do you
get I'm selling chicken eggs? How much? I don't know
if you really want to buy him? How much? There's
three dollars each, do three dollars? But they're really fresh.
This egg is gonna have a chicken in a second. No,
(21:36):
it's from a chicken's ass. Put your hand in my jack.
Put your chi called the cowaca, put your hand in
my jack, No problem, what every day cloaca? That true?
And they got a mixture of urine and okay, so
you're just coming in for a general knowledge of chickens there, right, Yeah,
(21:59):
let's just say it's for a friend. Okay. Let's say
a friend found a chicken. All right, they want to
come in my friend. Yeah, it would have been more
help if I talked to them. No, I'd like to
really play telephone kind of situation. So let's just say
that I had a cheer. You're sweating in that trench coat.
It's trench coat. It feels like it's a down. Just
(22:20):
take it off. Okay, well I can't take it off.
So what if there was a chicken in my trench
coat and I wanted if I wanted to easily have
the chicken pop on egg out into a hand. Well,
I can tell you right now from the stress and
heat that it's under that chicken. Excuse me? Is this
(22:41):
the chicken? Information? Does? Yes? It is. I don't have
an appointment. Is there any room? Say? Yeah, of course, okay, okay,
I'll take a number. Okay, thank you. Huh I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I just got so excited. My father there
was a chicken information alright, security backing up, back it up.
Hey Sarah, Hey, David, I am I want to confess
(23:04):
something to you. Wh would you kill? Why? That's the thing? Um?
Week after week I buy dozens and dozens of I
don't actually used to fly and it's frankly, I have
too many eggs and they're starting to rotten the refrigerator.
(23:24):
But the rotting smell reminds me of you. Know, you
have to get rid of rotting eggs. I don't want
to get rid of anything that you are a part of.
Are you saying? What are you saying? I'm in love
with you? Whoa I don't just like you. I don't
just like you a lot. I'm in love with you,
(23:46):
and I sleep with the eggs I get sometimes and
every now and then, David, is this the hussy that
you left before? I'm not hussy of a chicken farmer.
Don't call her husamily that you left. The reason why,
my friend, David, this is a little You told me
you were divorced because I met you. I met you
two and a half months ago, and the first time
(24:06):
I saw you. Hi, we're back. The guy we were
talking to when the seward disappeared, he just left. So
I think we do want some of these? Great yes?
Can you ask you? Do you feed the chicken's caviar?
What do you think about? That is the way to go,
you know, I was just curious about you. Where your well?
(24:26):
You I have and I haven't you animals leave her
alone and you too to receive it. I don't love
you anymore. I love Sarah, Sarah, and I have something
special going on your teller, Sarah, I don't. I thought
you were dude, but now you here? You want care
take these? Sara? Don't I don't want to hurt you. Well,
(24:55):
then don't. I'll never hurt you. Yeah. So it's two
nipples for a dollar and then one dollar. Two nipples
for a dollar, and you get two nipples, two nipples
for a dollar. Yeah, it's a good deal. How fresher
than him? Well, the ones that are greenish aren't going
to be the freshest one. But anything that's like only
shouldn't freshen hipple? Uh yeah, pinker brown? And those are
(25:16):
the ones that are good. How many freshm nipples? Just
show me the freshman. Just dig around here, I mean
just here like you are so, and who procured the nipples?
I did? That's these are all fresh catches. Yeah, you're
the nipple catcher. How Long've been doing that often for
about two years now? Hey, um, do you these are
your nipples? Yeah? Have tomatoes to? Did you massage them
(25:40):
more to? No? I like to do it in shock.
It makes them tighter. Oh, actually I've heard opposite. I
was gonna yeah, great, well I do opposite. So well,
so your nipples are ship No, my nipples are taught
and hard. They're they're perfectly arected. That's not the way
people want to eat them. It doesn't matter for either.
You can do what you can make him as a
(26:00):
small coaster for a little tea set. I mean, there's
so many applications. There's small a child's tea set, whatever
you like, small SIPs. I don't know if the children
should be using nipple coast. Look, man, there are two
for a dollar? Do you want? Yes? I do? Alright, great,
just pick two and take seven. Take seven. That's two
(26:23):
dollars too. That's two for dollar. Okay, so that's three
fifty two for dollar? Is this your manager? Yes, give
me a second, let me figure it out myself. Two
for a dollar and how many do you want? Seven? Seven?
It's gonna three? No, no, no, the math is off there.
(26:45):
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm letting go. Okay, I'm sorry.
Just you can you just drive away and leave with Hey? Look,
chicken information? Here? Are you? Okay? Ma'am? I'm not okay?
This man behind are official chicken information? Identify some of
this from this chicken's ass? What the s tell my wife?
(27:09):
I made a mistake by choosing you because it was
just satuation. You didn't have it back for mere falling
into a hole? What has happened to a great? Oh?
I live down here with you guys. I don't know
what did you bring? Uh? State of security? Sense of security?
Yeah you're not. I don't know. And I can feel
(27:31):
better about things because there's thank you get a weapon?
Yeah yeah, flashlight maglite O. Great's you guys have about
your own farmer's market down here at Harvards Ceple in
the story down there? Whoa No, tastes like a pickle?
(27:53):
Not interested? So I live here now? Okay? How much
you uh like to sleep? Lad? Damn? Lay down that's preferred. Okay,
we do actually sitting up stand them. You're not allowing
room down here, got you? Maybe this is crawls. Yeah,
(28:13):
it's seventeen dollars a day. What are you doing back here, Dave? David?
It's two in the morning. You left your family. You
smell like sewage. I come with you with my hat
and hand, Darling. No one's here, No one's here. Why
is the room smell like pickles? It's I don't know
(28:35):
what I brought you, some treats your kids donuts? These
are pickles. They're Amish doughnuts. Stupid little fucker. This is
what got you kicked out of the house in the
first place. I didn't get kicked out about how much
you got left? Yeah you did, you left. Nobody needs
a dozen of these. I'm back. The baker doesn't. There's thirteen.
(28:57):
These are three. Made a mistake, you did. I swear
by my guard card, your guard card, that I will
not make this mistake again. What I've been dreaming of
you saying this for so long. Here's my mag light.
You need that. Martha. You should not take him back.
I don't care what he swore by. He swore on
his card card. He handed my card a thing he
(29:21):
printed out. You are weak and you need to get
so much stronger. Okay, ladies, sorry to keep you waiting.
I do have a question. I do have an answer
to your question about chicken. I ran into the chicken
information desk and got an answer. We we broil it,
(29:41):
I guess. Actually I have another question. Okay, with the
chicken questions today, I mean, if it's too much, I'm sorry, No,
it's it's okay. So if I don't want to broil it, yeah,
and I want to just cooking normal? What does that mean? Okay,
we're arrested. Were arrestaurants chicken questions? Yeah? Um? In terms
(30:06):
of you know, emotion and intimacy? Where did chickens go? Okay,
all right, I'll be right back, I'll be ready. Yeah,
I mean again again, I don't know what I'm sorry information.
So I'm sorry, sir. I don't have an appointment. I'm
waiting on a table about two miles away. I ran here. Yeah,
(30:31):
it was something about oh god, what was it about
chickens emotions? Chickens have emotions. Let me think, let me think, uh, emotions,
they have emotions. Yeah, actually, you probably want to go
to the philosophy tent because they're going to be able
to break it down in the way that Okay, do
will they see me on a moment's notice? Okay, excuse me,
(30:54):
Mr chicken man. Yes, I'm an actual chicken, and you
have been spreading false information about us. Look all I
get is the information I'm looking at you. Okay, Look
the Chicken department tells me what to say. Yes, he
had decided to leave the firm. It turns out they
(31:17):
had been mobbed up all along. An audio book. But
this is me, John Grissom, reading my own work. It's
just an audio book. Okay, you into this embarrassingly? Yes, okay,
do you if I pet you? Huh? Do you like
that I opened up the Pelican brief. You're laying an
(31:41):
egg discovered that it was time to kill Well, there's
an alligator in here. I'm not actually a chicken scene too,
there's an internal logic that's undeniable. Our final seeing him
(32:03):
from Jason here wrote Hello, I wanted to thank you
for making me look forward to my hour and a
half drive past in Santa Monica. Well, it's a lot
of traffic, I guess an hour and a half My
eyes are in tears of laughter, especially after listening to
the baseball mascot scene. My scene suggestion about to get
it Coloska Cana, Do you say that? Colon oscar colin
(32:27):
oscope exam by a doctor who is also an expert
in psychotherapy and then anecdotally connects their psychological issues with
their medical diagnosis best Jason Kang alright, looking at your
butt here? Yeah, that's the X ray of my I
(32:48):
have a question for you. Um, you have a question.
I do because I'm the doctor. Yes, the rings here, Uh,
it looks like there's a little burning right, No, I don't.
You can't see it your face down, but it looks
like they're a little looking through the camera. Are you
down the gun hole? So it looks like there there's
(33:11):
some there's burning rings. Sir again, this is what I'm
telling you. What I'm saying, burned Edges, just calm down.
Every time you get upset, your pucker and I can't
see all right, so just stay relaxed. Let's stay loose.
Is that a whole fist? Yeah? Well I'm trying, but
I got three knuckles in Rick, give me a second.
(33:34):
Thank you so much? Was I left her right handed.
All right, who's wanting? I really thought I was gonna
be under Do you want somehow? What does that? I
take in some right? There? Just want? That's not bad.
Don't swallow up? And oh my god? Hello, who are you?
(34:00):
I'm not your god? No, but I'm the doctor. Oh.
I have to go for the bathroom. Excuse me? What's
going on? Why do you have a sandwich in your head?
I have to go? Are you by two o'clock? Yes?
Oh my god, I am so sorry. Catch him someone
catch that man Farmer's market security. I don't know if
(34:21):
I could help. Well, you can run, go get him?
Do you love me? Oh? He doctor? What is happening?
How did? I'm afraid? I mean, I'm still unpacking what
I just saw. But I'm sandwich as well. Let me
just get my gloves on. We real doctors a few tips,
um wear gloves. We would that should have been the tailtible.
(34:45):
Never stick a sandwich on a bottom, make any sense?
But Rick, you'll me? Who are you? Who are you?
Rick's gone? Well, somebody's gonna pay me for my sandwich? Um,
here you go? Thank you? Should I leave? I think so?
(35:06):
All right? Bye? Thanks for the money. Thanks for the sandwich.
Let me get this straight. The guy came in, I
told you that you had the sandwich for the guy,
and you did nothing. I'm just trying to get this
report correct because no, I think that the sandwich had
already been consumed, some of it was in the patient's
but you mentioned that. I did say that yet, So
why would you not talk to the guy who gave
(35:26):
Rick that? Well? Because the way he said it, I
felt guilty. He said where Rick? And I was like,
am I in the wrong place? But that's so you had.
You had parents that were maybe not so nice and
nice but um not trusting, you know, And so I
felt good. Four three seven two Avenue m cochrane. I'm
(35:49):
gonna write clock, but scratch that out, all right? And
do you have their number? Uh? Oh, that wasn't their
whole address, because you need like a zip code and
a stap and stuff. Okay, I'm a cop. I think
I know how this works. So in their phone number
at the area code at the very end. I'm doing
it in the order I would dial it so badly
(36:11):
the area code ue three one three anymore? Oh, you
didn't write those numbers down? Hello? Hello, Hello, can you
see me? Can you see me? No, this is a
vocal can you see me though? No? Okay, good, good,
(36:35):
so far checks. I just talked to your daughter, Rebecca
Rebecca Milson. I don't have a daughter. I have four sons. Okay,
thank you? Oh male, can I see you mom? Yeah?
Of course. I'm getting some reports about your work in
the field, and I just wanted to also a couple
of details would be great if you could cooperate them,
that'd be great. Yes, sir, you've written down about a
(36:56):
third of an address here. Uh so what was that about.
I've got a number, a street name, and that's it. Yes, sir,
well Lincoln. Uh did you think it was just here
in town and you would find it? Oh? Even if
it wasn't, sir, I'd do my due diligence. Right. Well,
it doesn't seem so because you didn't write down the city,
the state where it crossed out the address a little
(37:17):
bit clockran you did, and then then you wrote in
cock Ring. Yeah, and to be fair, sir, no one
lives there. It's not that's not a real address. Yeah.
This is a sex shop man. Yeah, for now, picks
what's going on your mind? Sterilized yeah, that's been sterilized.
(37:41):
That has it is a Judy Garland boot replicas. That
was like, yeah, no, it's a real thing. Jesus, Hey, baby,
you were right. You were right. You're right. Whens to
the doctor today said my butt looks fine, but but
I do have trust issues. Yeah, that's what I was saying.
(38:03):
You were right. Well, thank you, I'm sorry, I mean sorry.
It's a good start. Well I can go further. Thank you.
You gave me somethings to work on at home with you. Okay, Well,
I've actually got some things I'd like to work on,
but we'll start with what you want and will move
fast because we gotta make up for lost time. Okay,
I'm pulling my pants down. Okay, put your finger in
(38:24):
my butt, all right? Okay, and now this is the
place of truth. Is this is exciting like I wanted.
This is like what I wanted to be doing a
month ago. I know, I'm I'm catching up. I'm catching up.
What was that mom down? Closer to it? And how
(38:49):
did you go with your wife? Well? Did you do
the exercises I recommend? Yes, but she added her own
she had a little wrinkle that was an issue. We
had the button place, I mean the finger in place
for the for the circle of truth, right, and justin
I was about to open up, she shoved. She said
(39:14):
the remote controls in remote control. Was it a universal remote?
I don't recall. But then my daughter walked in and
I was crying, and I was like, it's pretty easy
to tell if it's a universal remote. Doesn't work, doesn't
work for for multiple Yeah, it does, I think. So
I just don't I feel I feel like I've regressed.
(39:34):
I don't feel like I'm making any progress anymore. Do Okay,
I'm going to write you a prescription for a more
ass play, It says cockering. Yes, there's a sex shop
down the block. Um, yeah, and I don't give me
one of those little hats. I guess I just lost
my job, so it's sucking nuts. But I was a
doctor for a while. Crazy how these things just flip out,
you know what I mean? Those inflatable dolls, they inflate
(39:57):
themselves or them up unless you have one of those
air pumps. You guys sell those here. Okay, you gotta
go home, you do, I know you? Um, I think
you were putting a sandwich in a man's asshole in
my office today. I was just stopping by for a
butt plug. But this day will not end. Yeah, I
(40:19):
don't did did we? Ring? That's my name? I found
that out from your sandwich guy. You owe me eight bucks?
Oh my god, that's not me. Prescription off? Okay to
me about a half hour to fill this. Uh you're
getting you get a prescript shruckt uh filled out? I
(40:40):
can do that. I'm a doctor. He's not a doctor.
You're not a doctor. I don't know who you are.
Give me your wallet, give me your walk I shouldn't
have that. I'm gonna need to size you for that cockering.
Oh you want to do that in the back? Are
you're just gonna do that? Here? We're gonna do that here?
Do you care? Whoa if I? If I let the
(41:01):
counter people start stealing ship? Well, you were a doctor,
Harvard educated doctor at one time. Let me hear it up.
I worked in theoretical ideas, and in doing so, the
thought that I could be young at heart was always
(41:21):
available to me. Which you are young. You look like
you your twenty six says on your license. Sorry I
am twenty s So I had to run the counter
from my uncle while he's doing something back there. Either
of you want or anything. The lady wanted that blow
up doll and I wanted the butt plug, and he
(41:42):
hears me heat dollars so you can start it on
him and then I'll finish off whatever's last. Alright, Yeah,
well we put on her tab and then no, we
can put the butt plug on your tab and then
I'll pay the difference. Yes, Rick, Yes, I thought you
were a banned from the store. Was my uncle? No? Yeah,
he I talked to him. I was just talking to
(42:03):
me back behind the counter. Well, we have your length
but not your girth, so but everything was going fine
out there, I thought, yeah, yeah, Well can I ask
you a question? I have the little scale. Okay, we're
a little scale. Is this all just mumbo jumbo or
well this really helped me. Look, you're weighing my balls
later member on the little scale. My balls are my penis. Well,
(42:27):
what do you want, doctor? We can do both together,
or we can do which amazements? I mean, I know
how much of balls were I going to tell you
we need to do? We need to do at amagement. Yeah, yeah, okay,
we're coming in at um twenty two ounces. Yeah, big boss.
If you get the wrong size cockering, I mean, your
(42:47):
marriage is at stakes. What I'm asking you? Yeah, well
it'll work. We'll go home with this. Is Is this
a solve all? Fix all? I just fit people for
the cock rings like out, don't squeeze that. I didn't
know what that was, penis. Oh look what well this
is going on? There's a classic meat cute happening out
(43:09):
in the I don't give a damn about that, all right.
If you think for one fucking second, I'm gonna give
up my right as an American, go look at the
don't have sex with plastic. You're up your ass, all right,
I am my ask thanks for probating. Charge it to
her and then just give me aet to him. Just
pay for the butt plug. Pay for it. I can't
(43:31):
pay for it. Taking money out of your pocket and
pay for the ladies but plug. I want that latext
thing to come on. You want the little horsetail. I'm
not gonna buy that, all right? Now, look what's listen? Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. Okay,
we're listening to if if If I pay for the
butt plug, okay, and I get the little doll okay,
(43:53):
and in the tail Okay, why don't we Why don't
we throwing something else there? Just for ships and gigs? Huh?
What are you thinking? I'm thinking, don't know, maybe another doll,
another doll? Yeah, why not? Maybe he just blew up
that whole situation just then, want to buy another doll? Yeah?
Do you feel the energy though between that? Yeah? Okay, okay,
(44:17):
so are we all done here? I'm almost done, but
I'd like to get more accurate reading. I don't can
we get a temperature? I'm sorry, Sorry, we're gonna have
to remove your penis. It seems that the cook ering
that you had purchased, um was well, that wasn't good metal.
(44:39):
Because what are my options here? Well, your options are
being fitted for a synthetic piece. We can and that's
the real thing. Oh yeah, did it look real? Super real?
We can make them huge? I think the size color? Yeah,
whether it's good to have you back. Let me just
look over your file, remind myself of your case. Yeah, no,
need doc. Take a look at the this. It looks
(45:02):
like a big plastic pretender penis with a little blow
up all on it. Wait, wait a second, you work
at the sex shop. And the doctor's office. What do
you mean you get a whole racket here, your your
your prescription rotting my penis off of my body? Well,
(45:23):
did you read the fine print? There's always a five
percent chance of that happening. I never go back to
the sex shop by Wait, well, anyway, do you think
Mitchell marriage not bad? Really not bad? And I guess
now the more I think about it, if my if
the cheap metal on that cockering hadn't infected my little
penis and making it so that I had to have
(45:47):
it cut off and then have the synthetic large penis
put on my body, thus being able to satisfy my
wife mentally and physically, I guess I wouldn't. Bye, I
forgot to get my sun casse tuna. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's up my guss doctor. Come in. Hi, I'm here
(46:11):
to see the doctor. We have one second. Please, you
have an appointment. I don't have an officer of the law.
What are your name? Please may see some sort of
identification officer. That's a big bed that's you, huh tipt No, officer, tipto.
I'm not a doctor. You want to see the doctor, Yes,
if you just have a seat that'll let him know
(46:32):
to stand. I don't I sleep when I stand right,
but it makes me nervous. I'm gonna stand. I would
you like me to get to the doctor? I would that.
I would need you to take it. Lay on my knees.
But one appointment, of course you do. Nice to see
you again, Mrs Julison here, Mrs Wilson, Mrs Wilson. Do
you do you have anyone who lived on Cochrane Road three?
(46:56):
What is those simples that you write on that note?
Do you know anyone at this addrest? That's not letters?
Are numbers? Do you know anyone at this address? I
don't know what that is? Do you know anyone at
this don't know what that is? Do you know anyone
at this number? Then? You never seen this number? Number?
Look at this? Please look at me? Look like someone else?
It looks like stick. Please stop arressing our patients, customers.
(47:20):
I'm going to get the doctor. Mrs Wilson and Verdetta.
Would you have towards, sweetheart? Did you see that assistant
just slap the ship out of that cop I did,
I say the copy ship. I don't know if this
is a real doctor's office, but they've done wonders for you,
so let's keep going, okay, doctor, Yeah, Mrs Wilson, as
(47:41):
I want to. Yes, Yes, there's also office outside, just
asking and yelling at a patient about that. Okay, look
that is not a number. V may need to move
the office again again. Yeah. Yeah, there's a sewer, we said,
just as an opening. Start packing. Okay, yeah, meanwhile Mrs
(48:05):
Lis okay, I'll see her. And then Philish came out back. Yeah,
how can I hope you today? You already? Did you already?
Did you know what you said about my asshole and
how it was all connected to d Well, you're right
it was, and Lucy's a goose. I don't know, but
(48:28):
I got a new lease on life. Well you're here,
so I might as well take a look. Oh yeah,
I love it. I love nothing more. You're gonna have
to drop partner. Some pop falls out. It's okay. I'm
a doctor. I'm an as doctor slash psychologist. Oh you
know my mother, I forgive her in there right down
(48:52):
the barrel. Okay, let me ask you something. Oh there's
something in there? Who is it? Oh? I don't know.
I just moved in. Okay, Okay, this is there's someone
living in the Pardon me, I'm sorry you got to
(49:15):
hold bout of them in there. Help me find my cage,
will drive out of here. Yes, sounds good. Okay, Well,
we're going to need to do some regression therapy and
we're going to need to talk about your childhood again,
and then I think the guys living in your asks
will go away. I would like that very much, now
that I know they're here. Okay, I'm going to write
you a prescription. Do you know the sex shop down
(49:36):
the street, Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, so they don't have
everything you need there. Okay, thank you so much, and
now I'm going to escape out the back because this
is illegal, okay. And that's our that's like all of
our alchemists in no particular ord. Joey Greth, thanks so
(49:57):
much for being here and being as weird as you
are happy to be here. If you want to hear
some more weird ship, check out my album good Night,
Good Night So Good Botify and iTunes, Amazon, Napster as well.
It's in the top three hundred albums in the country,
so congratulations. Yeah, it is amazing. James Jeeney, thank you
guys for tuning in I have to also say I
(50:19):
have left a lot at Chowe's alp them so checking
out an opportunity. It's very funny. Thanks James Cracket. Nothing
on the charts right now, but keep keep posting it
at Kikowski on Twitter, see Kikowski on Instagram. So nothing
on the charts. Dynasty dipe writer and congratulations again on
(50:42):
the New York Times looking on it, Chris Ovarando zero
chart talk. A lot of us here though, do a
lot of shows, a lot of places. Yeah, So one
of those places is the West Side Comedy Theater. Inside
there a lot of us here teach their new shows there.
So stop by the West Side Comedy Theater and Engineer
to the Stars Mr Doug Bank and I heard media.
(51:08):
Go to Patreon dot com, slash alchemy this and support
the show if you can, If you'd like, there's a
hotline phone number there. We await your requests and questions
all right to us at your name here tolcy this
dot com. We greatly appreciate your patronage. Until next time,
I'm your host, Kevin Polican. Remember who
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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