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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Well, welcome back to another episode of Loud Give me
this so I'm your How is Kevin poll? Yes? That
Kevin Poll? Well, usually what I do when the clock
strikes twelve, as I look for a mouse dressed in
tiny castle guard clothing and then follow them. But I digress.
Let's meet and shall in no particular order. Let's quickly
check in with Chris Avado for his planetary roundup report.

(00:26):
Waltzing Christoph. Yeah, the planetary round and report. Right. Um, Well,
there's still a lot of planets out there. Yes, we
have names for some of them, so we don't yep um.
And we're coming to all of you to say, if
you ever look up and discover a planet, you can

(00:46):
name it anything you want to. Nice. And that's all
from the Planetary Roundup Corner, brought to you by improvisation.
Thank you so much. Next up, it's Sir Craig cows Cacao.
When found in your home, what is your default reaction
to the average spider? Spiders? Oddly enough, do not freak

(01:09):
me out as as other critters do. I I'm not
that bothered by spiders. Uh don't like roaches. But will
you coax a spider outdoors. Will you catch it? Will
you just let it? I'm more likely to smash it
than remove. Occasionally will be like, oh, let's let it outside,

(01:32):
but usually just a shoe is the solution. Okay. That
does suggest a certain level of fear, f y I
or power. It's a power grab. It is okay, and
I'm warning to others. Look out. It's James Heney, jimbo Jensen,
John John Your reaction please if invited to an all

(01:53):
expenses paid trip two space, yes, okay, pack back, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes it's happening. And now, Jackie Gonzales, not enough syllables?
What home repair are you most proud of? And why

(02:13):
home repair? What kind of home repair am I doing?
Let's see. Um, well, first of all, let's start by
setting the woman's movement back forty one years. We're going
to set it back even more, I guess, because right
now what I'm most proud of is not even a
necessarily a home repair. Um. My dog's crate is in

(02:36):
the bedroom. It's where the dog sleeps. They love a crate.
They like to be in a dense situation, so you
usually put a blanket or something on tops that they
feel cozy inside. And are you saying they because your
dog is non binary? So I'm setting it forward now,
but I'm good to set it back. We had like

(02:56):
a couple of like like an old towel and like
a word, you know, it was like crap on there
to cover it up, and we had an extra curtain
and I sewed it into a custom fit grate cover
and it looks so good. Does that set it back?

(03:17):
Since I'm sewing? Um, I don't know, but it's my skills.
You know, it's a five star in any home, it's yeah,
I'm I love to sew. And it was like a
free form sewing and I did it and it looks
really good. Okay, well thank you for that, and please
returned to the kitchen. Yeah, and last, but no more Mayo.
If you think at least it's Joey Greer crusty Zipper,

(03:39):
what's the darkest space you've performed in. You're asking personally,
You're not asking like physically like personally yeah, yeah, personally yeah,
Because let me tell you there's one show I did
No Lights anywhere, No lights It was I mean that
that's that was probably some of the deepest we did
a show I'll just tangent to tell us, I tell

(04:01):
you about me personally, but it was for Noosa. It's
uh set the opposite of Nashal. Yeah. And as we
go there like a like a government program that's like
deep in the water, and we took this uh like
elevator that took four hours for us to get all
the way down. It was huge. It wasn't just like
like oh you're in like a little box. This thing
was I mean the size of like a penthouse, that's

(04:22):
how big the elevator was down there. And we get
all the way down and there for whatever reason, the
host just wanted to have no lights. I'm not sure
what was the deal, but uh we we performed. It
was my improv troup in college. Um the mummies and

(04:42):
all of us were like dressed up as as moms
and uh yeah, I mean if you're Australian, you know
you know what I'm talking about. But uh we did
a show like that and it didn't land because so
much of our of our show was visual, like the
costs and like we did a lot of like I'd
pull on like you know, some some of the wig
I had my hair and I'm like and I'd like
kind of like you know, I get a little into me.

(05:04):
It's like hello, a right planned because you were underwater?
What do you mean? Thank you for that, James, Let's
do it, damn show. All of our scene suggestions gathered,
of course from your list of emails. I've asked for more,
you've sent them, and I thank you by asking for
more yet again. And our patron v I pas to
become patron support of the show and joy exclusive condemn
like standalone buttas scenes and video of recorded sessions like

(05:27):
the one we're doing right now. And as some of
you know, because you've received a recent invitation, we are
finally allowing at the highest level the Alcam Maniacs, two
or three at a time. It depends uh into these
zoom recordings to just sort of hang out and be
here with us. Um all right, Well, if you want

(05:49):
to head on over the Patreon and support, it's patron
dot com slash alchemy this of course. Otherwise your email
suggestions are loved right to us at Alchemy. This email
at gmail dot com and Alcum email seem one comes
from listener Cameron Pick, who wrote, Hello, Kevin, I wrote
you a scene suggestion earlier that you thanked me for

(06:11):
and said to look out for in an upcoming episode.
But I haven't heard it yet since I wrote it
to you three years ago. I'm assuming you must have
misplaced a lot of wise, a lot of letter wise. Um,
I'll make another just in case. Yes, thank you for that,

(06:32):
Cameron Pick and here it is simply one word, moist.
I love you all, Cameron and fort Worth. I mean
I'm looking at the damage, you know, the sink, and uh,
what look like this pretty bad? I mean, it's been
how long have you lived here? How many years? Three years,
four years, seventy one seven? You've lived here for seventy

(06:53):
one years? Ye? All right, Well I had my suspicions.
I think the most you know, I mean, plumber has
been out here more wildly, more recently, in fact, within
just a couple of months ago. And there was a
dripping under the sink that led to a small puddle.
But that was just just the tightening of the pipe. Yeah, no, no,

(07:14):
I imagine that what's happening here. And again this is
just a theory, but the leakagere is actually keeping you
young and alive. It's kind of making you immortal. You're
gonna ask me how do I know this? What are
my feelings on this? And I'll tell you right now.
The city's water source has been depleted for almost thirty
something years. Don't tell anybody this that. But there was
a Spanish conquistion door by the name of jerey Mont Piltano.

(07:36):
He was half Italian, has Spanish, and he found the
fell in the youth somewhere under neath this city. Good news.
I tightened the pipe and it's completely dry under their problems.
All right, we got you? All right? Well wait wait, wait, wait,
wait you guys, hold on, hold on, fuck what was

(07:58):
that your buddy, your partner, just you fix the leak though, Yeah,
because I'm not sure that's a good thing for me
if the leak is fixed. According to what your partner
was saying, I didn't hear what my partner was saying,
but I can crack you are under there, you were in. Yeah,
there was a leak coming from the pipe, and I
got it so tight that things you ever going to

(08:20):
drip again? Yeah? Okay? Can we can we? You know what,
I'm gonna check out your friend, your partner's theory, and
I can just call the office and have you guys
come out again. I'm sure. Do I tip you? How
does this work? I never know what to do with
the tipping. I mean I ticked the ballista for fox sake. Yeah,
it's absolutely the only things so long? What is you

(08:43):
get ten bucks when you find that on the ground?
This is this is my this is if it was
it was my wallet and I took it out and
put it. I wanted to keep you out of my wallet.
You gonna let that money breathe, so you know, but
potentially you give more money? Can I can I tell you?
Can I show you something kind of worrying me? Here?
We go to chicken tacos very much and not chose

(09:06):
thank you? When I was when I was under there,
I got some of that water. What is the bell grande? Y?
What's that? Huh? What's up the bell grande? Is that
just the meal ers there? Oh? I think that's like
the like the like the special like seasonings and sauces.

(09:27):
You think because chef here, let's talk to the chef.
You can't you can't, you can't come in. You can't
come in here. Okay, okay, all right, I won't come
back there. Let's just if you see the chefs let
him know where to tip. So what's up? What's going on? Oh, well,
here's the thing. I was underneath there and I was
working and I got some of the water on my
hands and now I got beaty hands. Let me see that.

(09:50):
I mean, I mean ship. I don't make a big deal, Teresa, Teresa.
They're asking about the bell grande. What do they want
to know? You want to know what it means. I
said it was seasoning and sauce. It's like big, It's
like big, and it's from here, So it's about grande.
It's our biggest platter of nachos yet. And that's what
you tell them, and you sell them on it. They

(10:13):
already bought it. They want to speak to you. Is
this the Is this the crunch rap Supreme for table four?
That's actually for table two because I looked that one up. Sorry, yeah,
they already received one, but the one they got was
messed up. Telling them we're working out the kinks. Is
the first Taco Bella table service? Sorry, so I need
to go somewhere. Clearly you are very very busy. They

(10:34):
want to talk to the chef. I don't know. I'm
not the chef. If they want to give their compliments.
I will take my flowers. That's what I think. You're
what my flowers? Ard table five? Okay, I'll go see
them now. Hello, Oh my gosh, look at you guys
enjoying this beautiful Fantasia food. Thank you so so so much.

(10:59):
It is um ancient recipes. They've been passed down for
many many years. And thank you. And the Bell Grande.
That's just the size or what's a mixture between the
size and also the uh, it's like a branded situation.
You know. It has our special spice blend, so that

(11:19):
makes it Bell and Grande makes it large. Okay, yeah,
did you want to compliment me? Hey, tell me what's
up to your game today? You're not dunking as much
as usual, flowing down a bit. I just I don't know,
I don't really feel like playing basketball today, so I
just wanted to kind of be on the I'll run

(11:39):
back and forth. Let me keep my hands in my pocket.
And wait, hey, your temples are getting a little gray too.
Let's go on a little premature aging. Huh wait what
your temples are getting a little gray? My temples are
getting gray. I just a little bit. And like since
we started playing. Oh oh, that's weird. H you're not

(12:02):
you're not panling as much water as you usually do too.
M it's hid. Uh it's kind of hard to grab
a water bottle. Al right, checkball? Check ball? N't can't,
I can't check the ball. Come on, man, you got
a dunk. I don't want to take my hands out
of my pocket. Jeesus, dude, your balls are hanging out
of your shorts. What then? Oh my god, yeah, you

(12:24):
just dropped five inches. I don't know what to do
with man. Oh god, you're wearing those John Stockton shorts.
Oh I got you know what? I think? I gotta
go home to my wife. Really wrap them around your thigh?
What your teeth? Just spell out? Ron? I want to

(12:49):
break up. You're getting old and decrepit and it's gross.
What do you mean? You're just kind of aging at
like a pace that I wasn't prepared for when I
signed on for this relationship. And nothing's binding when there's
not a ring. I'm young, I'm younger than you, but like,
look at yourself in the mirror. You look a Gordia Supreme.

(13:12):
Thank you, chef, thank you. Gosh, what did you do
to get the compliments. Came here a lot camera all
the time. So crazy. Mostly mostly tables give compliments to
the chef. They don't get compliments from this chef. That's
so cool. Well, if you're like a high status y
I P. You get like compliments. It's like thanks for
coming in. It's like, you know, usually appetite. Would you
care for any uh sorry, would you care for any

(13:34):
table side guacamole? Yeah? Can we do the big funck bull?
You want a big guarcomol? Please? Okay? Oh babe, did
you want anything? Or? I mean, you got the big
funck bull, So I'll just I'll share with you. Well
that was for me. How much guacamole can one man eat?
And that's going to mess up your stomach. There's a
lot of fiber in in in avocados. Good push through

(13:56):
this Gordida. Okay, here's your table guacamole that I promised
we had a different server. No, I've always been your server.
What the fuck? I just I gotta sit down and
rest um. Okay, should we move tables? She's like sitting

(14:17):
me at our table. I don't I don't know what
to do. Well, why do you want to bring up
because I'm younger than you know, because you look old
and decovered as ship if I wanted to do an
old guy. Okay, So we've got the results here. Um,
so some of the water samples are making the subjects younger,
which is which is neither good nor bad news. It's

(14:39):
just that's the data. And some of the water samples
are making the subjects older, okay, which is definitively bad.
You know. Well, the first one sounds like something we
could market and make a kazillion dollars, and then the
second one sounds like a weapon we could probably solve
to the government. More. The issue is there is no

(14:59):
We don't no which is which, which is which? See,
that's that's the tough part. So now we need humans
for some trial and error, some recon right experimentation. And
then the question is do we tell them what we're
doing with these experiments or do we do we get
better testing results if we don't tell them. Well, Bob,

(15:21):
I'm in this to make a lot of money. My
gut says, we don't tell them. We don't tell we don't.
All right, Well, here's the first candidate coming in now. Hi, welcome, welcome,
have a seat, thank you so much for agreeing to
do the survey for a new movie coming out. We're
gonna hit you, hit you with some headlines and just
wanna hear what you think of the headlines. You think

(15:41):
they sound good or bad? You're you're ready for that.
When I entered the building, there's a kind of a
skull and cross bronze came up on my cell phone.
Uh huh, yep. That's part of the branding angle that
we're both using. And before we get started with some
of these questions, can we get you something to drink?
Some water, cold water, Coca cola, Coca cola. Okay, you

(16:03):
know I have some water much better for you. I'll
do a can of Coca coola. Helping myself, all right? Well,
hold up, hold up, hold up, well could you maybe
you know what a little chaser? You know what I mean?
Vodka whiskey. Maybe a water back, water back, still, water back,
I still do a cannic coat water back. You can
toss that water. I'm just gonna do that. Cook coming on,

(16:24):
Just have the water in costa CoA, coasta cog. I
want to cook, all right. So the first headline is
they never saw him coming, but they all see him leaving.
What do you think? What do you think? Take a
sip of that water and then give you a coke.
We'll give you the coke when you're down with the water.
Is that simply the cook back? They never saw him coming,
but they all saw him leaving. Anything. Uh, it doesn't

(16:47):
make much sense because it's okay, great, here we go,
moving on. Okay. Um, So, as the Miami Department of
Water and Power, you're looking to experiment on humans, which
I'm totally fine with, but I just have I do
have some notes on the just the process of the experimentation. Okay,
no problem. Take a quick step of water though, before
we start these. Sure I would love some great good stuff,

(17:11):
right Google, I'm a baby, okay, okay, all right, so
there we go. So we know that that one turned
younger and still a little baby. Wait, hold on, hold on,
I feel like he's just pulling. Are you just pretending
to be younger? Yes, I'm pretending to be Oh god,
I of course have taken the bill that makes me

(17:32):
immune to our fountain of you with a fountain of
death water. That okay, So your notes on the process.
I was just gonna say, don't give him the option
of having a coke. Okay, I'll try. Hi. Welcome, Welcome
into our survey. As you know, you will be paid
for your time fifty dollars from now. We're we're gonna
we're gonna give you a series of headlines for a
new movie coming out with a very uh cool celebrity,

(17:55):
and you'll just tell us what you think of the headlines.
We got some water here for you. Please have some
of the water. It's awful to good having something. Not myself,
I am not thirsty. You never know what your body
needs until you've had something. Go ahead, Oh gosh, that's good.
Part of the early training. A lot of times the
body doesn't scream. I need you know, you just need water.

(18:15):
You just need water. Okay, just take quick sip. We'll
get going. Is there like a Is there like a
straw or something I can use? Really, you don't. You
can't pick that up with your little tiny hand. It's
just like if I put this up to my legs.
Get The whole point of this experiment is to get
people to sample the water. Yeah, you know, that's the

(18:36):
that's the only thing that's important. Why don't you why
don't you join us in the room. I mean, we're
trying to take their minds. You're going at the old misdirect,
you know, we're trying to try to get them and
thinking about the movie title and whether that's good the
movie and sell me, sell me on that, sell me
on Stan. As you know, before I joined the company,

(18:57):
I did spend forty eight hours at the Hollywood Film Institute.
Now that the American Film institutes a f I, it's
h f I. It's a little less known. You saw
forty eight hours at the Yes that screen, I saw
Screaming hy movie Yes at the Hall of Fame was
the two and I was like, I love that. Okay, okay, um, yes,

(19:19):
I'm I'm willing to sit in on the on the
next one to try. I'll try not to be too intrusive.
Hi there, Hi, welcome, welcome, welcome, Thank you for green
to be a part of this survey. Now you'll be paid,
no problem, you'll be paid for your timing and buck
us well, all so I have to do today. Yeah,
that's right. So we're gonna hit you with You know,

(19:40):
my son used to live with me, okay, and now
he just said he just moved out. He said, four
to two that I'm done with you, and he moved out.
So now I'm I'm freaking free to drink the water.
That's gonna make you thirsty. Just give her the water. Sure,
it makes me thirsty, it makes me angry, it makes
me sad, but a little bit excited. Here we got
some water in some room temperature. Which would you before

(20:02):
we give the water? Okay, think about this. Okay, so
you're in the theater, right, everything goes dark. You hear
a rumble rumbling, and then all you see Should I drink?
They already know the water either makes people really fucking older,
you know. So then so then I pop up on

(20:23):
the screen or someone like me, let's go with you.
Let's go with you. Okay on the screen and I go,
I go, welcome water, Welcome for the ride of your life.
And then I go, I'm sorry, I can't even focus
because I'm so thirky. Water. She needs to hear the pitch.
Goddamn it, I'll have the water. Wait, No, not one

(20:50):
that is a glory called one listener Chris Luton, who
I have a bunch of suggestions that are simple, and
I think I'm going to just skip to the last one,
which is chocolate milk Dealers. I'm really sorry about Joey's wetness,

(21:12):
and the doctor says he'll grow out of it. Thanks
apply smalulator Chris Lawton, Chocolate milk Dealers. I'm telling you
right now, man, you don't want to drink that ship
coming out of the faster. That's gonna suck you up.
You need something that's been hand picked, hand curdled. That's
chocolate milk is fresh. I don't know. My doctor always
just says, like water, is that like your bodies water?

(21:34):
And honestly, wouldn't you rather your body eighty percent chocolate milk?
I mean kind of, but we're the only mammals that
drinks milk. Apture infancy. I really think I should just
stick to water. Oh you're educated, you know about that
time and time and time. Let me tap in. This
is a fact. This is a fact, a scientific fact,

(21:55):
that chocolate milk is the best recovery drink after hard workout.
That let me tap it, Let me tap it, and
let me tap it. That is said true. You do
a hard workout, you gotta get you gott you want.
You don't want a gator All that sugar all that
ship you did. Some of that's got of protein. You
have vitamins. That's chocolate milk, all right, and you get
Do you guys work for Planet Fitness rely? No, No, no,

(22:17):
we're not. That's what Let me let me let me tap,
let me tappen. No, we don't work here. Okay, we
work for one company and one company only. That's thick
as chocolate. That's a long title. So we call it
the gate CS. Okay, let let me t let me
have it everything. I mean, you can call whatever you want.
You don't say, that's what we call it. That's what
we call all right, But let me just say this
right now. Before you go in there you get that

(22:37):
pump on you, let me ask you question. Do you
take any energy drinks you're doing like like pre workout
ship sometimes? But then you throw up? Throw up right now,
throw up right now, because that's just gonna kill you.
There's there's like think of it this with that powder
that you just drink with here, think of that's just
tiny chemicals with like sucking a K forty sevens. That
shouldn't have been said. All right, throw it up? Hey,
excuse me? I told you weirdoes? You get the funk
out of here. We call weirdo. You man, alright, we're

(22:59):
out of here. Look, we gotta go. That's my that's
my trainer. Yeah, well you're training. Let me tars right
as a piece of fucking ship. All right, take this card,
take this cart. Okay, excuse me, you too. That's my
shopping cart. That's your shopping cart. That's your shopping cart.
Last time I checked, this establishment has a bunch of Yeah.
Actually his target on the side, asshole. Is your name target? Wha? No,

(23:20):
it is my name target? Yeah? Is your name target? No?
That's what I thought. All right, Now, how let me
get this censor off the back wheel because it's stopping
the wheel. I can't What are you gonna have the cart?
It's gonna have? We got We don't give a shouts.
We threw it out. We don't want to ship. But

(23:41):
let me tell you. Let me tell you, sir, defen
happening tapping. The beverages that you have chosen, that you
have selected, are false. They're faults. They're not even true.
Let me tep it. Let me tip and let me
tep it. Let me se what's wrong with tea? It's
a leaf? What do leaves do for us? They kill us.
So many postions leaves out there. How do you know
you're not just brewing some poison? You know? One never

(24:02):
killed anybody? A cow, cow has never killed anybody. In fact,
it happened. Fact, even in a tornado situation such a
twister that brings up a bunch of cows, what you
would think this is the place where a cow is
going to murder a human just by collision. That doesn't
even happen. That's a fact, even in twisted twist. Remember

(24:25):
that cows running round right after the twister. What do
you see? You seet that cow walking around? It's fine,
all right, the cow is fine. Did you kill anybody?
All right? You know what I'm saying. But the chocolate,
the chocolate that you chocolate milk, it's been a long time. Yeah,
we could tell it. Look at your body, yeah, of course.
All right. Look if you chug the leader of chocolate

(24:45):
milk right now, you get that pump, you get fucking ripped.
What do you want to be? How old you? How
old you? Right now? What do you like? Twenty thirty
forty somewhere around there? All right? What do you want
to be? What I want to be I want to
be a firefighter. You want to be a firefighter? Now
like that. You have to be ripped to be a firefighter.
You have to have muscles and the best recovery drink

(25:07):
when you exercise. What you have to do when you're
trying to become a firefighter is chocolate milk. Now, if
you come to let me, let me get this stuff.
You have had pre workout, You have the pre workout. Yeah,
it's like, okay, throw up right now, throw up right
now because you got to think of the powder right,
Think that powder is tiny chemicals inside your body with

(25:27):
a rocket launcher? Are you purposely vomiting on this target floor?
I have to clean this. What the hell are you doing?
Let's get out of here, Let's go there, Steve, thanks
for coming in today. I just was going over some
of your reports, and one of them in particular caught
my attention, and I wanted to ask you a couple
of follow up questions real quick, if you don't mind,

(25:48):
you're suggesting we feed something different to the cows so
that they produced chocolate milk, But you don't list any
of these things we might feed the cow. So are
you just spitballing, or you just putting this out there
as a big, big picture idea, or or is there

(26:09):
obviously the first thing that we would try is chocolate,
A lot of it, a lot like cow powder. Right,
That's what I was I was afraid of. I'm not
sure that's how it works. I mean neither. Okay. Um,
so let's say, do you have children, Steve? No, okay,

(26:29):
could you take some of mine? Yeah? I'd love I've
Actually that would be awkward, Okay, I mean I'd really
like to get rid of the third and the fifth.
Those are the worst of them. Yeah, and so solid
no on that Okay, the first two I mean yeah,
I mean they're pretty muchrone and like at this point
you can make them do chores. Yeah, sure, their bags

(26:50):
are packed. When you get them over to your place,
give them, say chocolate, and then you tell me, Mr Wolf,
Mr tote Wolf. I just want to say, I think
you for me to me, you know, to kind of
awkward situation for me to be speaking to you about
this at school here. But um, your children, you're your
twenty children, uh seem to understand that there is a

(27:13):
favorite amongst them, and uh, I mean does that not
make sense. I don't want to answer. I What I
want to say, Mr Wolf, is that you can't have
a favorite. There can't be one in the starting position
below anyone else. Or they should all be equal, just
for their own growth and mental maturity, especially during you know,
this this precious time that they have where they're just
absorbing everything. So when you say I can't, you mean

(27:37):
I shouldn't, don't you know? I mean it's in their
best interest, sir. And we've also seen you out front
of the school with little flyers something that you're willing
to sell some of them off. That's why I'm out
in front of the school. It shouldn't be any secret
to anyone. Yeah, well that that's that's also illegal. That's
that's human traffic. You know, a lot to do. You're
saying again, I shouldn't do that, or I can't, you
can't do that. That that I will stand and say

(27:59):
that that you cannot do. But again, for the children's
best interests, Mr Wolf, you shouldn't do this. Man, how
many kids do you? I don't have any? Okay, would
you be willing to take some man, Craig, I had
a crazy day today, man, these uh, these two crazy
people approached me about some chocolate milk situation. I don't
know if you've heard for about the news and stuff.
I was like, dang, and that's like I don't want

(28:21):
anything to do with that. Then I was driving home
and I started thinking about them, and I was like,
and there's so weird. And then I started about chocolate.
You know what I mean, chocolate? And then I was like,
I was like, chocolate, chocolate, Where is chocolate come from?
You know, you know how you do that you start
going on a thing. I was like chocolate. I'm like, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.
Cow was like, Christie, it's great to see you. I
got an uber here from Craig Cow. Great? Great, great?

(28:44):
What do people call it your last name? Sometimes? What
what do people who haven't I'm gonna be right, I'm
gonna be there right now. You're a chocolate man, was
a chocolate man. Crazy. It's always been differently. I'm not
getting and I'm going I'm getting in. He spent the
Chocolate Show that, Hey, do I have to share a

(29:04):
ride with this guy who's not worth getting in the car? No,
you know, we're actually gonna head out how many more stops?
He's the chocolate man, Buddy? Why why was that guy
yellow chocolate? I have not sucking idea? Hey? Can you
stop changing your destination? Do you keep on plotting it differently?
And now I'm like in the area we're supposed to

(29:25):
be and I'm just changing my mind? Man, Okay, great, great,
Here they come out. Guys, Watch these the two I
was talking about. Hey, guys, Hey, this is this is
the guy I was telling you about? The chocolate man?
Is this a guy? Is this the night they look

(29:47):
like two other people? Is chocolate? Chris? I don't know
what you're talking about. Am I going crazy? I'm using
my mind. I'm afraid that you have because you don't
seem like yourself. Are you all up on chocolate? Milk?
Did you hear that chocolate? Did I hear what you

(30:09):
heard that? You didn't hear anything, Chris. He's not saying cocao.
He's saying cochow. It's it's lightning with Queen's like slogan.
It's like, just like God, it's not an it's not
what do you think it was? Do you think it
was cocoa? Yeah? Do you want us to play coco?

(30:33):
Is that? What? What's going on here? We just stopped recording.
What's going on? We haven't even gotten to Radiator Spring,
So like, what are you talking about? Are you talking
about the movie stuff? What are you talking We haven't
got to what the movie? I just like, I want
Chris to have a good movie. People positive, we're supposed
to be recordings. Just get him to drink the water.

(30:55):
Just get him to drink the water. In a second,
a second, you don't need this whole Cars, Craig, do
you stop for a second? Okay? What what? What? What's
going on? Is there any other Owen Wilson movie we
want to watch? No, it has to be Cars? Has
other cars? Is no one gonna answer me? Do you
want I don't know you. I'm not a mean so
I don't know if I should answer you or not.

(31:15):
Do you wanna watch to Marry Me on Wilson's And
that is this the most wonderful part of the year. No,
that's no canceled. Canceled, It was canceled. I'm not feeling good, guys,
I'm just thirsty chocolate. I took your kids. But the
problem is that they keep saying they want to see

(31:35):
their other brothers and sisters. I'm not there, Dad, it's
not like having a family. They keep saying, I'm not there, Dad,
I just want to work. You gotta work through that.
That can't be a negative, it's a positive. You have
to turn that into a positive. Yeah, let me give
you your example. You'd be one of the kids. You
say some of that ship to me and then watch
how I respond. All right, I'm not eating this ship.

(31:56):
Nobody cares. Try again, Try another part of me, sir, sir,
part of me. Here you go, new baby boy. Congratulations.
Let's call this one Jane. We can have that one.
That one's like. I think I could really mold that
one's mind. Yours are kind of broken and busted. Oh
you want the fresh one? Yeah, like that one would
know I'm not fine. Let me see your nipples mine? Yes, yes, okay,

(32:20):
I'm sorry. That was just a weird reaction at my part.
Here's one of them, okay, and here's the other. Oh
that looks fresh. Okay, cool? Yeah, you take James, ma'am.
I understand that this might not be my place, but
as your doctor, I have to let you know. One kids,

(32:41):
you're maxing out. That should be it for you. And
I don't know what kind of fountain of youth you've
been drinking from. But you shouldn't have been able to
have this money to begin with. I mean I guess
if you started, Yeah, I mean I guess you could.
It hasn't prolapsed. You started at thirty two. See you

(33:05):
look much younger. Do you mind if I take some
of your blood for my own personal experiments? That's fine? Yeah?
Are you coming coming down? It's a double check. You're
a doctor, you know well, I've never seen a body

(33:27):
like yours before, and you're flushed and you're what was
going on? This is just a standard physical So I'm
just gonna ask you a series of questions at all doctors,
but as so, first of all, your height, your your weight,

(33:52):
blood type? Are you coming? Oh? Are you currently coming? Oh? No, no,
this is These are just standard questions. I wouldn't want
to presume that somebody is coming. Uh it's I I
have a hard time telling. Do you have kids? Um? Yeah,

(34:18):
I've got beautiful children? One congratulations? Okay, so was that
that a no on question for I do not smolk?
Oh sorry, I got these out of our Okay, alcohol usage?

(34:39):
How do I pour it on my body? Or do
I drink it. How many drinks a week? How many
days are in a week? Ship? Um, yes, okay, so
are you coming or not? Because we've got chocolate milk
in the trunk of our car. Let me you're gonna

(34:59):
want this? Are you gonna The tornk is refrigerating. The
tornk isn't just like baking in this and you know
what I'm saying, Just go popping there. We got ice,
I at icing. It's all dry ice. Don't touch the
ice is gonna burn you, all right? And if you
get it burn what's the best remedy checking chocolate milk.
That's a fact because the lactate in the milk works

(35:19):
as a kind of molecular healer when it comes to
burns and minor scrapes and wounds. It's better than neal
sport because we put neal sport in there. That's suffocating it.
That's not even You got a band aid. You got
a band aid, right, you got a banded on. I
see a band take their banded off, take their banded off.
It's like kind of take it off, take it off
and out here this little sample. Put this check the man.

(35:41):
The workout starts in two minutes. Just give me a second,
give me a second. We gotta get out of here.
We gotta get out of here. You take this, take
this little card in here. Let's hear you as for you. Okay, here,
all right, let's work these lakes. I don't know the
workout started a minute ago. Well, I'm ready to work out. Now,

(36:01):
come on? Are you ready to working out? Yeah? You're
sucking hopped up in chocolate milk? Aren't you hopped pure?
I'm not hopped up on it. I'm just using a
little chocolate milk to get through the workout. Huh. All right?
Are you coming that same too? I promise you that

(36:22):
is same too. J three comes to us in patroon
VFP Matt. It's the most unusual spelling l apostrophe capital
h e U R e u X Matt, Greg, what
do you think? Uh laro interesting choice? High alchemists an

(36:46):
idea for the queue. A person unsure if some of
their remote coworkers are interestingly enough AI, okay, when did
the new recruits arrived? We should be letting him into
the zoom room at any point? Can you match? You're

(37:07):
not yourself as you come in? We can see you, Yes,
we can hear you. What's your name? My name is
Hunter Furter. Hunter for got it? Okay, Hunter, where are
you zooming in from? I am zooming in from Pacoima, California. Yeah,
sure of course, big Yeah. Welcome. We're just getting started.

(37:30):
You're the first one to arrive, so thank you for
your promptness. Uh, technically a little early, but that's good
for us, super good. I don't know how your internet
is working, but your your faces seems to be frozen,
but you're still able to talk. Um, you know what.
I think my nephew was messing with the settings yesterday.
It could be one of those um filters. Um, I'll

(37:52):
work on that. I'll work on that. Face filter is
an issue. And how many nephews do you have? And
I under on the question, Well you said my nephew. Yeah,
so I'll just creous how many of those you have?
How many nephews? One? Thats you? Okay, that's an answer,
and I appreciate it. Appreciate your time and your energy

(38:13):
and your efforts. Um, I gotta say, I love I
saw the I saw the article in La Times about
you guys yesterday. I'm like super excited to be a
part of Associated with this associated this your company. I'm
really happy. This is really cool. Right up? And then
where are you coming from? Previously employment wise? I mean California. Well,
I'm gonna put you on mute for one second. I'm

(38:34):
muting you right now. Hunter, listen, I think this guy
is weird. Carl, you got no, No, I don't. This
is the things I don't like this guy. He doesn't
give me a good vibe. So let's just finish this
and wrap it up. Is that cool? It's way cool
with me. But so you know, he just heard. I heard.

(38:56):
I heard everything you said. Yeah, hello, every why are
we starting? Yeah? Hey, welcome. What's your name? Where you're
coming in from? Bruce? Sun Valley? Sun Valley? All right,
it's here. It for Idaho, California. All right. I'm gonna
put these guys on mute for a second. Hold on,
I'm gonna mute you. And you I don't like I

(39:19):
don't like the vibe of this. Okay, great, but they
can hear. They can hear, they can hear you. Just please,
I'm just saying that these guys aren't the quality contents.
Maybe we need to go to a different head hunting service. Okay,
I'm going MUTI fucking check you with the ass. But
if you don't want it, I don't need this job.
Oh my god, ding ding ding another skull. Hello. How

(39:43):
many people have I got into like VP positions or
CEO positions this month? I don't know. Maybe damn I'm
fing good. Here's the thing, Um, you guys have been
bringing us a lot of candidates, but they're not quality candidates. Um, well,
he's been doing most of the work, so I'll just

(40:03):
defer to him. Yeah, we're not looking for CEOs. We're
not looking for what was the other things you were saying, vps, vps.
We don't need that stuff. We don't need that stuff.
We just need like regular people that are relatable that
aren't you know, this is this is the best of
the best. We're here to coach people from going to
Google or other other companies. Right. Your your your company's

(40:28):
tissue boys. Yeah, you make tissue for your computer, right. Yeah.
You put the tissue into the computer and then computer
just eats it up, clean the whole thing. You know.
It's a little different than that. It's to get the
stickiness up your keyboard whatever. I don't even know the
fucking details. Hey you two. Um, I love this head
hunting business. You guys at the top where everyone knows
that I won't take up too much of your time.

(40:48):
Just might thought you'd be interested in some of the
latest technologies that are affecting your your business area. Hold
on one side, I'm gonna meet this guy. Let me
get this guy for a second. Uh did you did
you make this clean or not? I mean, I don't remember.
Are there some they're different? What are you doing a

(41:09):
different day? What are you doing? I'm doing I'm doing
everything right here. And then I'm like, what are you doing?
I didn't mind answering phones? And then I'm immediate with
you and you're supposed to be I know, I know
you're I know that you're doing the same word with me,
and I'm doing the same work as you. I'm doing LA,
I'm doing the same work as you. If you can't
take this, maybe you'd just do something else for a

(41:29):
little bit. I'm just saying, maybe she's just having a
really hard time personally. Okay, I just found out that
I'm lactose, in't tolerant, and that's actually really hard for me.
So if you could just keep that in mind, is
like why my work ethic is slipping a little bit? Roma.
I didn't know that it's hard. It's hard as someone
who usually drinks milk in the morning and eats ice
cream at night. Yeah, we got that. The dairy fountain

(41:52):
in the office. I know it's kind of like it's
sort of fountain, but it's all the different. Yeah, I'm sorry,
hold on, sorry, Yeah, hi, hi, Hi, he has meeted
me and that I heard your entire conversation. Yeah, we're
actually we're not interested in any news. It's really quick.
I want you to meet Bruce from Sun Valley, California. Bruce,

(42:14):
are you there? Yes, I'm here. What is this? Are
you selling software? Exactly? This? Bruce is not a real guy.
Did you meet him? No? No, he can hear all this.
I think about all the head hunting positions you could
fill or you know what I'm trying to say, You
know all these companies you don't need real people. Ask

(42:36):
Bruce any personal question about his life and then I'll
be out of here. What Bruce does what for us?
Bruce fils positions that you're trying to fill at other companies.
That's our job, right, But Bruce isn't real so then
he would take our jobs. So you're selling that make
it obsolete. I'm Bruce the question asking any question? What

(42:58):
is this? What are we us to buy? I want
you to buy my software that you can use that
look like people to send to other companies that are
paying you to hire people for them. But you don't
need any more actual people. I can do a Bruce.
I can do it, Donna, I can do it. So
you're selling his proprietortion technology. That's that's going to destroy us.

(43:19):
We're good at our jobs. We don't need this. We're
really I don't think you do anything. Could you repeat
your question? Oh, Groma, she does a lot. Roma does
a lot after Okay, don't just say she didn't do anything. Well,
why would you even assume that? Why would you think
she does nothing? Hey, Bruce, how did I do? Eating? Great? Shoot? Man?
Sometimes I wish you were real, you know, because I'd say, like,

(43:39):
let's we'll get a drink or something. I live in
Sun Valley, California. Man, boy, I'd like to drink some Yeah.
I would just looks like arm wrestle you you know,
or like smell you you know, Like what does Bruce
smell like? Bruce smells like nothing. What else can I

(44:01):
help you with? Honey? Are you gonna come downstairs and
have dinner with the family? Shut? Fuck, shuck the fuck up?
Thank you sucking ass? Oh Bruce, Bruce, do you know
what love is? Uh? Taylor, I'm just going over some
of the some of the check up numbers here and

(44:23):
this is the weirdest thing. But it looks like you've
got two different heartbeats going on inside of you. Sorry,
how's that word? Uh? You know what? I don't even know.
I don't know. I was like, I didn't look like
once you say it a by the way, we all
heard you coming, sir, and here's your new baby. What

(44:54):
a glorious day. But anyway, we've got to get back
to the hospital work. Everybody. Sorry, are you the doctor
with the heart rate report? Me? Yeah, you just came
in here with I just I was like I should
say something because I'm kind of like, to be fair,
I don't even know if these doctors look at this ship.
But yeah, I just wanted to just like, let you know, right,

(45:16):
But when you say, but um, are you okay? Am?
I I don't know if I can be dead? Asked
with I, uh, I recently. Uh, I was staying at
my uh my brother in law's house. Uh he he
and my sister got divorced, but I connect with them better.
And I was staying on this couch and I like
kind of talking to like some new some computer or
some ship talking to the computer. Yeah. Yeah, do you

(45:39):
know what bio hacking is? Yes? Okay, I will need
an explanation of that, because that was growing around and
I just but something we're like, I think he's like
trying to get the like the computer or something in
his chest. I don't know really what then is, but yeah,
that's right. So biology, you're familiar with the systems and
whatnot inside your body. So immagine someone hacking all of

(46:01):
that material while you're still talking and breathing and listening
and functioning and unaware that your biology is being stolen. Oh,
so they steal it, okay, coma grow, coma grow. Sorry,
you haven't eaten your eggs, you haven't touched a single

(46:23):
thing on your breakfast this morning? Well, technically I can't
eat this. This is not dairy. I just don't think
anything else. How's work? Jesus Chris, That buffal I got
in before the shut down breakfast. Why was noing that
I said that? That goddamn wake up called the front
doesn't dessume me? Ship isn't me? Or is every time

(46:44):
you get bacon at Hey? Hey, hey, can you just
not this morning? Can you just not this morning? Now? What?
Don't start just yet? Okay? Can we all have a
second to kind of gather our bearings about us for
the day? You wake up at the buffet line? What
the hell are you talking about? That woke up? Cant
get gathered yourself? You're giving a lot of mixed signals,

(47:07):
because that's what I was trying to do. I was
still just waking up, getting my groove on. I really
don't function before a couple of coming from you. What
a morning? What a morning? My commute from Sun Valley,
California was difficult morning? Bruce was talking about your commute
commute in from Sun Valley, California. You didn't say at

(47:27):
the hotel. I didn't stay at the hotel for long
commute to Denver? How many hours is that? It is
exactly fifteen hours and forty five minutes given conventional speed limits.
You drove fifteen hours and forty five minutes to get
here for us nine am breakfast. Buffy, how do you
like working for tissue boys? It's great, it's really good.

(47:51):
We're still trying to find that like super generic cash
your position, which is like a real downgrade from what
we normally do. But uh uh huh, so far, so good.
But you know what that's we're here at the convention here,
so we're here at this uh his work convention. Hopefully
we'll get people to sign up. They're looking for yes men,
and they're looking for people who aren't looking to move
up in the corporate ladder, and that can actually be hard.

(48:14):
You're staring at me. That's interesting, Yeah, Bruce agrees. It's
just nice to hear something when we know everything is
not going well at home with you. Okay, we Bruce,
I don't know why you sent that audio file if
you screaming at your wife and kids. I don't understand that.
I don't think it was appropriate, But we got it.
We heard it. That's what we live with. I understand

(48:35):
that it was a mistake that you pressed send and
that you didn't mean to record yourself, but we still
hurt it and it affects company moral. Who wants to
arm wrestle this wrestle all the time, and then you
smell him. Come on, come on, but why don't you
why don't you hold onto my shoulder? This shoulder? Will
I do this? What? What's up? What's up? What's up?

(49:00):
I didn't say what's up? I said what what? What
do you? Why are you? Bruce agrees, Grandma, I'm gonna
finish those upstairs, and then if you want to meet
me on the convention floor. Yeah, I've been calling her Goma.
Her name is Groma. What kind of name is Goma?
That's our show. That's our show. Oh my god, I

(49:23):
love any robot that at any point says huh. I know,
it's the best fun. Oh no, that's our future. So good.
If we're lucky. Let's thank everyone, starting with Dr James Heening, Well,
thank you. Um, I'd love it if people went and
checked out game Front. Uh. Since elden Ring has dropped,

(49:47):
we've been doing videos and it's been a lot of fun.
So check it out right on, check it out people.
You heard him, Christol Varado, Yeah, Westside Comedy dot com.
That's the our local theater here in Santa Monica where
we'll be doing live shows there. Um Alchemy, this live.
We'll be doing other shows, some pretty pretty ponies, some
bear supply a lot of fun stuff going on over there.

(50:08):
If you want to check us out live and you
are in so Cow west Side Comedy dot com, thank you.
Craig Kevin is the self appointed usage, grammar and spelling
nerd of the podcast. I I do like to admit
when I had a word wrong, when I when I
personally did not know the correct usage of word. And uh,

(50:29):
A shimmy is like a trimmer or a quake, or
poetically like a dance move to a little shimmy. But
if you're climbing up a pole or a tree with
your thighs and your upper body, you're shinnying. You're shinny.
You're shinny up a pole, you're shinny up a tree,
your shimmy on the dance floor. No, Craig, but now

(50:52):
we do jackiegin Zoles Dorothy. I can tell by your
expression you did not know the difference between skinny up
the tree whatever. You don't skinny up, shinny shinny with
an end as a nancy up a tree or shimmy
on the dance floor. I like those fun facts, though,

(51:14):
I enjoy trivia and I'll plug a friends podcast that's
going to come out. Um, Mike Nelson has a podcast
coming out and it's going to be about trivia. It's
called The More the More. You know. I think maybe
that's not it because that's NBC's thing, but although it
might be playing off of that, me and Pat are
going to battle each other on an episode that's very exciting.

(51:36):
But you know, follow out Jackie Dorothy on Instagram for
when all this stuff is happening. This is really a
teaser those of you interested in the full bank now,
you know how Joey Greer, you know, I can't let
video games just one kind of go out there. But
we're gonna check that out. I'm I'm playing Cyberpunk. I'm
freaking out. I'm a jume. Things are pre m I'm

(51:58):
getting my eddies if you know what I'm talking about.
You're in the pipe. Go tonight City, have a good time.
Make sure to hit those gigs up. Nice. You made
all that right, No, I wish I did. I think
some Polish people did. I think like Cyberpunk is a
CD project right as a Polish company. If I'm not mistaken,
So it is. They did it? Okay, I'm gonna go

(52:19):
sit in the corner and cry. Let's thank our producer
engineer the Stars, Mr Doug Bain. Fine folks that are media.
I'm Kevin, like your host, thanking each and every day
one of you. Please write a review, tell everyone you've
ever known, and we just love to hear from you.
So um yeah, stay in touch, look out for each other.

(52:39):
Please be kind until next time.