March 2, 2021 • 56 mins
A bee brings a murder hornet into the hive.
Incompetent moving crew fucks around.
A prank show.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Well, come back to another episode about me. That's COVID edition.
I mean host Kevin Pollock. Yes, that's Kevin Pollock. Well,
I'll tell you what I have already told you way
too much. So no, I'm not telling, but I have grass.
Let's meet your alchemist, shall we? In in particular order
to say hello to Craig Kickkowski kick cow. Favorite part
(00:25):
of a pig you enjoy consuming and how do you
like it prepared? Oh? Man, I don't know what part
of its body it comes from? Do I have to
know that? Do I have to have the butcher's familiarity
with the section of the pig? You can? You can
attempt it? I mean, I like well done bacon. Yeah,
you think is the belly. I also am not allowed
(00:49):
to consume pig in any way, shape or form in
the house or around or around my wife, so I rarely,
I rarely consume it. But we have Hello Fresh Delivers
meals to make, and Carla forgot to un check the
pork option and so of well, of our four meals
(01:10):
this week, we got two pork meals, so I was
able to enjoy. You had to eat it outside. I
had to eat outside. Yeah, we had a little stir
fried ground pork. Oh man, that sounds spectacular. Yeah. We
we've been cooking at home because of the COVID fabulous pandemic,
and we finally decided to give Hello Fresh a chance
(01:31):
and shockingly easy as everyone said it was, and super
enjoyable and the sponsor and they should be a sponsor
the sho You know we also tried Hello Fresh this week?
Did we really did? Um? And now Chris Alvarado too
tall to crawl in a hunter? Words are less? Explain
(01:53):
how what you love about Costco Business Center? I'll turn
to do it in a poem. I think space, space,
empty space, everything I need without the crowds. Step right up,
(02:19):
there's no one in line. Oh nice, I thought you're
gonna go with without the crowds in my face. Oh
this one didn't rhymes. More sophisticated poems poetry, And there's
James Hunted words. I lost track just before candy. Yeah,
we read he has he need. If you find out
(02:39):
that you are allowed to haunt people, who are you
going to get and how? Uh? Well, I'm gonna find
somebody that's born the day that I die, so I
have a good chance to haunt somebody for as long
as possible, in case it's only one person that you
can haunt, so and then it might turn out they
(03:00):
become friends. And if I find in my if I
can take over that baby's body, and I'm coming back
chucky stuff. To be clear, though, you will start by
haunting an infant, a new born, sure, sure, and then
as I've learned how to use my powers, eventually I'll
take that infant's body and have a redo. I mean,
(03:20):
it's great this time, but if I had second try,
and what about the wonderful child whose body you're stealing? Oops,
I'm sorry, what the hell would be very good after that?
I just want, you know, take one extra lifetime, said
the non breeder. What the hell it's Vanessa Ragland Venetia.
(03:40):
I'm still reeling. Oh, come on, you take a baby.
You don't do a second night to right friend like you.
You know, it was very logical at the beginning of
your answer. And then he can't take half them. I'll
just be friends, you know. Yeah, it was a hunting scenario.
(04:03):
But anyways, Veniche, now that you've applied lipstick to your
extraordinary daughter, what will you say to the first young
suitor who comes a calling watch out bits well played,
uh and uh yeah and last but no more grated cheese.
(04:23):
If you think him least, it's Joey greer cat whisper.
What do you say to them to make them do
what you want? You know, it's all in the eyes.
It's actually nothing verbal. Cats hate conversation. So you just
kind of gotta lead him with your eyes to what
you're thinking of, what you're what you're buying with them.
(04:44):
They just they're down. You know, you want them to
eat bacon. Let's look at some bacon to lead it.
Do you want to take over their soul? You just
bring him into James's room. With are known to do
too babies, and you don't want to let cats in
the baby's room because it will steal it soul. Yeah, yeah,
that's right, James, That's exactly what in real life. All
(05:05):
of our scene suggestions are gathered from your listener emails
or from our patroon v i ps. To become the
patrons part of the show and joy exclusive content and
other perks like a video of what's happening right now.
Just head on over to peintree and dot com slash Alchemy.
There is if you like to submit a scene suggested
by your email, please right to the podcast at your
name here Amy this dot com. That's your name here,
(05:29):
Jesus see. Number one comes from David, who wrote, Hello,
You're all wonderful and funny, and you seem to like
one another, which is always great to hear. Do we
would you like a scene suggestion either way? Here it
is a bee brings a new friend in another hive,
but the friend might be a murder or, aren't it?
Thanks for the many hours of laughs. I don't know
(05:51):
how to do it. I don't know how you do it,
is what he wrote. David W. From Boston. So anyway,
as I was saying to Foreman last night that I
don't think everyone's working the line as they should be, Zis,
it's just sometimes, uh, sometimes it's very tiring work, and
(06:16):
the more we work, we don't necessarily gets any credit
for it. It's my point, Zully Zilists, you are making
great points. I mean it's hard to be a worker.
I mean those drones are the ones who have it easy.
Tell me just about it. You don't know what you're
(06:37):
talking about. Us drones have a lot to do. There's
a lot to do. Were always on the go. For example,
working I mean moving work. No, I drone antwork. I
drone antwork. Try that you have one word, I have
to work. Look Um, they're gonna love you. Okay, just
(07:03):
you know, just um, you know, be yourself would be
my would be my My only thing to say to you.
You you're not second guessing this choice? Right? You want
to come? You want to come? Et everybody? Right, I
don't know, you know, most of my body's honey, I
(07:25):
feel like it's not a good idea. You know. Look,
as long as you are who you say you are,
right your Yeah, of course I'm a hard worker. And
everything you said about those beasts just sounds so fun.
You know. I just I don't know that me and
my my honeystick people, we just I don't know. They've
(07:47):
been telling me not to go. They say you're gonna
just suck me out. And this is what they say.
They say, you're gonna use me a some kind of
embryotic sac Hit this, hit this, that's right, really hard.
All right, So now now you're loose, Okay, I'm gonna
bring you in. Just be yourself, okay, alright, let's go.
(08:11):
Demetrius what are you doing? Who is this? Who is
this to me? Hi? Hi? Everybody? Who? I was out
there working hard. I was like, fine, where were you
to show us? Can you do a dance to show
us where? You? Give me one second? So I was
talking dance. So I went to the field and I
(08:33):
found a little flower. Then I found a little friend.
This is my friend. Everybody, were's your queen? Who's your queen?
Who's your queen? Oh? Are you here? Who's your who's
your queen? Can you abandon your queen? Are you a deserter?
I live in a representative republic monarchy. I'm a I'm
a honey stick boy boy. Part of my body's honey.
(08:56):
Are you hey? Hey everybody? I told him that we
were gonna be cool. He's nice, he wants a job.
What do you do? Are you a dry? What does
any stick boy do? I? T T yeah? What does
that stand for? Internet talk? I don't know. I don't know.
(09:24):
Come on, opening in the nursery. We could have him
in the nursery. This is our chance. I'm gonna be honest.
I don't know if you want all the routers next
to the babies. Uh So it's just a it doesn't
matter what you think. We gotta go speak to the queen. Okay,
(09:44):
Oh you later, yeah, zee you later. And I remember
just one time, I like this wash come at me
and I had my sting around and I fucking jam
the right in it s gottdamn head not it's pretty good. Yea,
(10:05):
kill him, keep it down. Sorry, he's not very hippy today. Hey,
dummy number one and dummy number two? Do you do
you please not to stary the queen? Yeah, I know,
I don't know. They have to keep coming out of here.
Good time. Okay, just trying to guard the door. You
(10:29):
know the password here is silently I'm nuts. Yeah, let's
try that version. Hey guys, what's hell? Yeah? Nice to
see you guys. Oh sure there's a reason you're here
right now. Can't just stop buying? Say hi? You can't
(10:49):
good to see you as good to see you know,
work working, that's a fair questions. No, actually, I'm about
I was working and then I'm going to get back
to right now. It looks like a I'm time to
sleep and eat a lot of things so I can
have about a bazilion babies. I don't know how I
(11:12):
was seeking painted for your pal, So let's keep it
down and what's up? Okay, this is this is my buddy.
He's a he's a he's a b boy. He's a
honey honey boy. He's a honey boy. It looks like
a costume of a honey stick. That doesn't look like
a real honey stick. Boy, What kind of costumes you've seen?
It doesn't look like that. I bet you if we
(11:32):
snapped that honey stick in half, it wouldn't even be No.
But what why don't we walk a little further away
and have a discussion because the security just slower you
to slower your voice. You want to walk away from
the door we're supposed to protect. Show you I'm going
to kill you. Okay, he's not messing around my body.
(11:54):
I wanted to meet the queen. I think they would
hit it off. You thought you'd just draw on in
and meet the queen. He's on he so honey honey
stick boy. Yeah, we heard all about it. That's special.
I thought the queen honey trap. I think it's a
honey trap. I'm going to check with the queen. I'm
gonna ask if she's seeing anybody. But until then, everyone,
she shut the funk up? Okay, what the fuck is wrong? Yeah? Yes,
(12:26):
your honest, I have a simple request from honey stick boy,
A simple who This was my reaction as well. I
just wanted to check to see if that was anything
you were interested. I don't understand what you're saying, you
blithering idiot. What are you saying? I'm saying, honey stickboy? Honey?
What's a honey stick boy? Let me let that up.
(12:50):
What's a honey sticks from a special breed of bees? What?
What does he want? What is he bringing me? Some thing?
Is the next? It's a be consume his body? Is?
There's that look when you go in there? Bring her
these zemas? Okay, she goes crazy for these things. Are
(13:12):
you hot? What? It's just hot? I feel like it's
so hot in here. It's like everyone's moving around. It's
like it feels like everyone's just it's so hot. Well,
there's a lot of work to get done, but we
keep trying to keep the place cool. With her wings,
she's feeling good. What's up? Because if you blow us
for me, I might she might might eat me. She
might eat me. What the funk are you serious, dude?
(13:35):
She's the queen Okay, Yeah, I'll do the best I can. Okay,
I'm bored. Stick boy, Okay, you too, Z got forty
seven seconds. Make it good. I think we're going to
(13:58):
regret that. Honey, the human snap them and have and
put them in into their teeth. Ya keeps it down.
I think he's gonna kill the queen. Do you honestly
think that that's what I'm saying? But nobody was and
you did nothing to know you just I was shut down.
(14:19):
I was threatened that I was gonna be You brought
this up right after he went into You didn't see
it was not a plastic stickle, honey talking that was accustomed.
So you're a honey stick boy? Uh huh? Why are
you talking about? So it's so hot? I told you normal.
(14:41):
I'm sweating out all my The Queen's chambers are often warm,
and in fact that I think I could do with
him a bit warm. Or dance for me, honey, stick boy,
dance for me. I don't think bees have hips like that. Hey, guards,
(15:02):
there is a rumor going around that someone let a
murder hornet into the hive. Have you seen this? Uh?
This guy? You've seen no one who looks like this
(15:24):
murder hornet? Is this a moment? This picture right here
is nothing looks like this? Is this picture of a
murder horner? Surely no, Zack, did you see anybody who
looked like the murder order? Huh? This picture of a
murder hornet? We haven't, Zack. It's time to speak up.
(15:47):
I'm gonna be honest with you, all right. I got
a lot on my mind. Man, all right, I haven't
seen one of my two thousand kids in a long time.
I don't know what's going I don't know if I'm
supposed to get paid not. I've been reading these things
on trees. Man, the trees are talking to me. They're
saying that maybe maybe we should unionize, you know, maybe
(16:07):
maybe we shouldn't be living in a monarchy. You know
what I'm saying, Like, who said that she got power
but stole by? What? Nie? What's the buzz? That's it?
That's it? Just get together and you know, for equal pay.
You know, maybe the question get all that sweet sweet
(16:28):
food pollen? You know. Maybe so you're a honey stick
boy and you can't dance, why don't you come over
here and show me what you can do? If you
know what I mean eggs toly. What this chance, dude,
that's a big score. Oh what the this is supposed
(16:48):
to be a job interview man, come in here thinking
I was gonna job is filled me up, But it's up.
This is a lot to do this in front of
people and the big bee. But you seem to be
a big honey sticklef. What you can do? Yeah, well,
(17:10):
the bottom part of you is like pull shadon and
just like pop yeah yeah yeah. Posting is part of
the gig jumped on and captualhythm. What's happening? What's happening?
If you've gathered here, that means you've seen the messages
we've been leaving in the trees. Now, this is a
(17:32):
secret society. We no longer want to be ruled by
the Queen, so secret society. Thank you said it better
than I ever could. Now, if you have problems with
the queen, make a little bit of a buzz noise.
I want to know we're being supported here. Oy, look
(17:55):
good good, they'll think if we leave this tribe, we
can go want to become whatever we want. I mean, Zach,
we know you're into art, right, you can make honeycomb sculptures. Forever.
You're not having sex like a b You're having sex
like a murder hornet. What are you doing? Keep going?
(18:23):
That is number one everybody. Oh man, I was hoping
the murder horner could in fact murder it. Long time patron.
(18:44):
So it's a little after midnight and I'm supposed to
be cleaning, packing, getting ready to move, but here I
sit getting drunk and watching the patron videos of past episode.
I had an idea for a scene that goes like this,
an incompetent moving crew just fucking around in a place
that has some crazy neighbors. Thank you so much for
all you do. I gotta back up the truck. I
(19:08):
think I gotta back up the truck more. What because
I don't feel we're close enough today? Driveway? Do you
know where do you feel? While I'm sensing, it's more
of a sensing. You got the crazy senses. Man. That
time I sensed the ball game, remember that time? Yes,
I was. I should have been on it, man, I
(19:28):
should have been that Marvey was going to hit that
home run. Yeah. A lot of us want a lot
of money. You got none. So why don't you just
guide me in a little bit? Well, let me see
what kind of signals you're gonna give me as I
back up, sweetheart. We can trust these people. Okay, we're
paying them a lot of money. They're gonna wrap everything
up and they're gonna move it away safely. Well, how
(19:49):
do you know, though, what if they don't know? What
if things break? What if things fall apart? You know,
my parents got divorced. I was twenty seven. I know,
like you think something solid and then it breaks. But
that's listen listen. I paid extra for the bubble wrap,
and I know I know mc nac nack. Okay, Hi, hey,
(20:15):
coming in. It's Bruce from Loaded and Locked. Hey, Bruce's
looking at clever. It's clever name, right, I just need
acknowledgement that I need acknowledgement. There, it's a clever name.
We load your stuff, we lock it up at the truck. Anyway, anyway,
(20:37):
I got my guys in the truck. They're trying to
find parking right now. It's a very narrow streets the driveway.
This is our driveway. So we could just come right
in here to the driveway, right yeah, yeah, the narrow
street is our driveway. It's a long drive. Okay, would
you recommend like, uh, nose in first or back in first.
(20:59):
I mean that a should be in first, saken, Bruce, Spruce,
that's what that's what I want to get to her, darling.
So this is my wife, Sherry. You've you've met. Um.
She's a little on edge today because we have not
on edge. I just have emotions and that doesn't make
me weak. Okay, she's a little weak, Spruce, she's a
(21:19):
little weak. Can you call me down? Can you comm now?
I'm gonna leave you to alone, Bruce, if you could,
if you, if you could, I'm gonna leave me. Goddamnit.
The neighbors are moving and they're fighting in the front yard.
Goddamn it. What about it? Damn it? I don't know
what you get so upset they've been, they've We're going
to miss them, miss neighbors. Really, we're looking at their quiet. Hey,
(21:43):
mommy and Daddy, what do you want me to do
with the neighbors? I want you to go back into
the lab, okay, Sherman, Okay, you go in your cage.
Can you wait until dinner? Do you understand? All right?
And I'll go back in the cage and lock myself
in the same way. That I picked the lock and
got out to ask a couple of questions. But no,
you're right, daddy. I'll go back in the cage and experiments. Hey, hey,
(22:06):
we don't know what the next neighbor is going to
be like. They haven't been nosy at all. Imagine what
if there's some nosy neighbor that wants to know what
we're doing in here all the time. That's a good
point we should Sherman. Sherman, don't go in the cage.
Sherman here, go over to the house and set up
some audio visual recording devices in different locations. All right.
We want to be able to know everything and anything
(22:28):
about our neighbors, and we don't want Sherman to go
over there that he's going to stick out like a
sore thumb. Honey, Bruce, you guys have been in there
for a while. Is everything okay? So it sounds like
he's listening to you, but he's not hearing. I mean,
you're being very generous because I feel like what's happening
is like emotional um you know, Bruce, Oh my god,
(22:53):
but feel things different than guys. We express ourselves in
different ways. But he's got to acknowledge that exactly. And
I don't even think it's that we feel things differently.
I think it's the other thing you said, Bruce, it's
how we expressed those feelings exactly. Yeah, I think you
know he's he's gonna check in more often. You didn't.
You Just see how and just stop trying to fix it, right,
(23:14):
and just technolog there's a problem, Stop trying to fix
it and listen. Okay, hey fellas, So yeah, you guys,
move the truck in feeling good? Feeling good man? Yeah,
question man, if six hundred elephants were attacking you, would
you rather six hundred elephants the size of elephants or
six elephants the size of uh, like a shoe. So
(23:42):
the bubble wrap is gonna be on the piano as well, right,
not just like the small things, but also on the No, No,
we're gonna get the bubble up inside the piano. Outside.
We'll pum milk inside of the piano. Whatever you want.
That are you trying? Is that Budweiser? It's a bud light, buddy.
I don't try to watch my figure. You drinking on
the job. What are you talking about? I'm thirsty? What
(24:03):
do you mean, well, it's just that this we have
some very valuable items and I want you to have
all your Oh you don't think my time is valuable. Huh,
well we're time. We're paying. I just want to make
sure you try to say I'm I'm below you, Bruce.
I get it loaded and locked. Oh my god, I'm sorry.
I might have oversold it a little bit. It's not's great,
(24:27):
and I think that that is that is creative writing.
It's been a fair amount of money on the T shirts.
Oh I hadn't even Bruce. You should be really proud
of yourself. Is this spot too out there or is it?
I mean, I don't think so. It's hard to read,
but now that I know that it says the company name,
I guess it's hard to read because it's scratchy, you know.
(24:53):
And we'll start our own government right here, right now.
All right, we're not moving up and now we're moving in.
All right, buddy, all right, I would tell you some
about your fucking piano. All right. I don't want to
think about baby grand pianos. But it looks like a
normal sized piano, all right, so that can eat my ash. Alright.
I'm just saying that right now, first order a business
(25:13):
in the new government. You eat my ass. I'm not
scared of you. Oh you don't have to, alright, because
I got the power. You take your shirt off. I'll
take my shirt off. You want to go? You want
to go? Dude? All those tattoos gill here? Did you
give you some of those tattoos? What that's right? Single
needle prison style, motherfucker. You want to go? You want
(25:34):
to go. I can't believe you've never been wrofed before.
You've got a huge knot like right at your right shoulders.
So you know, as I work it out, I just
let out all of that emotion, let out all of
that negative energy. Where's your anyway? Man? Huh buddy, somebody
(26:05):
give me some guidance. I'm trying to back up the
truck already. You're gonna run over maybe? Oh yeah, yeah, okay, okay, okay.
But Bruce, uh neighbor coming over here to drop off
my son? Um, what is going on? It looks like
(26:28):
someone has just been running over. It's just the workers,
you know, the workers. By the way, Wait a minute,
your husband's name is Bruce's will. Yeah, that's that's odd.
That that did not come up. What I introduced myself
as Bruce you know, well you know I didn't even
he never really got introduced you and I. It was
more like it was just said, you know my wife,
(26:48):
you know, And so I did not have the in
to say and funny thing he's first two because I
was mad. I was mad at my bruth when the
whole thing happened. Or I would have said, like, isn't
that weird? I don't meet it a a Bruce Offen,
but what I do, it's like all we talk about.
So that's just well, maybe this was good then, because
you've got to, you know, find something else out Like
if you had just been talking about that, then you
(27:10):
and I might not have connected. Okay, I think your
hip is out of place and I'm gonna lock it
back in. Oh yeah maybe in Today's not the day
to bring your kids over, Bud. You know, we're moving
and stuff. What's all these tattoos? Uh? They look satanic
in nature? Devil deviltte to a tree. Okay, well I'm
(27:37):
gonna want no Why did you want one? Awesome? No tattoo?
A cab with me? If you want tamp tom Oh,
I'm gonna get the tattoo. I'll get the tattoo. Yeah,
excuse me. Are are you the homeowner? Yeah? Yeah, hi,
we are. We just moved in next door, my family
(27:59):
and I. We are six human sized elephants. Uh So,
I just wanted to be upfront with that. I mean,
you can see, you can see that we're all human sized.
You see, honey, you don't want to have to tell him.
You can see we're sitting there, six of us and
we're human sized elephants. You know. Not not what you're expecting,
but maybe not bad, maybe not bad. I just wanted
(28:21):
to let you know we're here, and we see that
you're you're moving out. I guess okay, well that's yeah,
that's too bad. We we can certainly help you know,
you want us to pack some trunks for you. I
love to pack. I'm a packer. Sorry. You know, you
know there might be one item in my house that
(28:42):
you guys might appreciate. It's a piano. Oh I thought
you were going to say peanuts. Then we get a
look at the tricks here. You can see six human
size elephants mighty way into this. So just see what
are we gonna do about it? We gotta What are
we gonna do about it? Oh? Yeah, very good, very
(29:04):
good in it? I love it? I love it? What
are we gonna do about it? It's bargeim to check.
All right, I'm gonna get a little napstick here. Everyone
pick out a weeping Okay, I'm going to take the right. Yea,
(29:28):
I'll take the right, all right, I'll take the gun alright?
Which one the pistols? All right? Sweetheart? Weren't you supposed
to be moving today? Why are you home so early? You? James?
(29:52):
You were kind of and I felt like I was
calling you all day and like you weren't answering the phone.
Did something happen to you at work? At the at
the moving company? Um, here's the thing is. I showed
up and I had parked the truck really far down
the driveway, and and I had told them all that
(30:12):
if we want to get the hours, then we want
to walk all the way to the end of the driveway.
And as soon as they pulled it back really close,
I was like, fuck it, nobody listens to me. So
I quit the job. I will towards you too. I
quit the job. I can get a different job. I
don't need to be part of a moving company. Okay.
So looking at your resume here, you were working at
(30:34):
Loaded and Locked for the past eight months? Is that correct?
It was like, yeah, generally eight months? Sure? Seven? I
mean this is this is your resume. So you tell
me it said eight months on, Well it was eight
months ago, but I worked there for seven months. I
really just needed job. So I don't want to argue
with you because you're the boss him right, So, but
(30:56):
you said it was really seven months. I worked there
for seven months, okay, which it was. It would have
been eight months, but just bade to the eight months mark, right,
it would have been nine months? Did you made to
the nine months mark? But why why did you write
eight months and then correct me? Here? Bruce, Baby, I
(31:19):
don't think I want to move, Bruce. Thank you so much?
Which Bruce, you're talking to? Bruce? What's going on here? Um?
I got rolfed and I feel great, and I'm sorry.
I think that's why I've been so mean and reactive.
(31:40):
But also you've been mean and reactive and you made
me feel crazy. But I think we were both crazy,
or maybe just you were crazy. Maybe we should both
sit down with Bruce to sort of unpack that. But
is that a dead man in our driveway? I don't
give a shit, Bruce, did you rolf my wife? I
did rolf? Your word, she did? Mm hmm. Excuse me,
(32:04):
excuse me. A bit that piano you showed me is
made almost completely out of ivory. Bingo, bingo. I'm not
a good man, do you understand, but myself, I'm a
bad husband human elephant. Yes, I'm a human sized elephant.
And clearly we're not welcome in this neighborhood if you're
using ivory pianos. I was my husband's piano. I never
(32:27):
knew anything about it. Husband, Ice, What how did you
do that on your phone? Okay, well, I'm looking at
this short story you wrote on the back of your
resume and something about six human sized elephants. It's not
a short story, that's the truth. When you say short story,
(32:49):
it sounds like it's fiction. Did you not hear about
the six human size elephants that moved into they were
hunted down the Australians finally got him. You didn't hear
about that? Look, this is I don't know. I I
t you should see the incredible tech I can do.
Tommy Tommy. I know I'm just shadowing management today, but
(33:11):
can I can I throw in a little bit here?
Can we circle back to the eight versus nine months
on the job and the audacity that you would argue
during a interview for this tsshul is if he's the boss,
then I don't want to be in here. But I
(33:32):
and it was seven Okay, I never said nine months. Okay,
So I'm Tommy. I'm just show sorry again. But I'm
gonna just look. The password is red flag, and this
son of a bitch is made from head to toe
a red Yeah. This is Bruce, the owner of Loaded
(33:52):
and Locked. Uh. You you said you were checking on
a reference. Yeah, I'm I'm trying to find out. Do
you do you know a guy by the name of
Jasper Wing? Bellow? Jasper Wing Bellow. No, it's James Heeney.
Your resume says Jasper Wing Bellow. Why does your resume state?
(34:14):
Oh no, I forgot my weapon. I've got a right story. No,
you don't have a right here. I don't you do
not You've got guess? Oh no, I guess I'm gonna
(34:34):
have to take the human saws elephants with this. It's
right there by myself, all right, and they are decided
to not take any whipping is a form of pisipism,
all right now we all know it. But you started
to give that. You want to tell me just to
hunt things in part him just because you used this.
I like to hang out with you. You're my friends.
(34:55):
You might of friends, prince, my prince coaches. Here they come, here,
they come. You invited me to be a pot chat skin,
so you can say whatever you want about me. Less
enough of the punts, all right, excuse me, I'm sorry, um, sorry, No,
(35:25):
you're not gonna SoRs left. You just ask me, and
I'm never gonna forget this. I'll just be gold in
the cheese. That was accidental. That was you don't like
it when I'm funny. And yet you know what my
(35:47):
eyes closed out March too. The elephant graveyard right now,
buy myself my chess. You can see it all. So
did he confirm or not that I was an employee there?
He said you were for six months? Well, and that
I've seen too. Oh my god, just the way you
(36:09):
think it was. That was so happy the negotiations over
being funny. Three comes from Chris, who wrote, Hey, it's Chris.
You love me. Go ahead, I'll except some phrase, but
you digress. My scene is a prank show. I hope
Craig is here for this. I love you guys, best regards,
(36:31):
and if James would follow my gaming stream, I would
die at ex Luton X on Facebook. Have fun, Chris
Luton from Oregon. All right, we're here on location. Well
we have Marcy Bill if I could, I'm gonna stop
(36:51):
you right there. If you just take it again from
the beginning of the copy, that was great. I'm just
so nervous. It's okay, it happens to all of us.
Just take a Sorry, her name is just her name
is Marcy Bourbon. It's not Marcy Bilbo. That's a I'm
(37:13):
just reading a little script here. I'm sorry, guys, sorry
to interrupt. Sound Um. I think he swept through the
mic tape and the mic and it's dripping and I can't.
I can't. He's not tea five. Okay, do you mind
if I go up take it's so good, so wet. Okay,
(37:37):
Oh my gosh, I'm shows yeah, yeah, yeah, I never
never seen somebody in this wet but you're doing okay,
just my first time doing and hosting one of these
pranksos nuts, I brought a little gun on me just
in case. Okay, um, no, I don't know. I don't
(37:57):
know what you mean? What what do you mean? Everybody?
All right, everybody gather up, gather up, ep on the scene,
if you know what I mean. All right, now listen,
it's no secret network is breathing down our backs. Okay,
is next? Next? Next? I know, Look, this next prank
(38:21):
has got to be the prank you know what I'm saying,
the prank of all pranks. You know what I'm saying.
It's gotta be the uber prank. You know what I'm saying,
it's gotta be the prankiest prank that's ever pranked. You
know what I'm saying. Alright, Yes, I guess. And there's
no chance we're gonna get sued if anything happens wrong,
Like there's a chance there's a chance us personally. We
(38:43):
aren't personally, We're just I'm just crew, just the crew, everybody,
just the job. I mean, if somebody gets hurt, I
don't want to be aliable gets hurt. Now, everybody, all right,
I see any resume here, you have one of your
(39:03):
crew member yeah, both both of you were members. Okay,
all right, so you were both part of Q and
ON and that's your resume. You just want to tell
me that you were both involved with and yeah, I
mean that's a really job. You know. We're we're looking
for key grips lighting you know, yeah, yeah, no, weed,
(39:24):
that's why we're here. But we're also we work quite
a bit for the Q and AN organization. Alright, this
is a unique gig. So can't really uh dig into that.
You don't know what the problem is? What the hell?
All right, guys, very excited, very excited EP here on
the scene. If you know what I mean, please just
(39:47):
stop doing the EP thing. That's my position, I know,
but I don't say my job before I speak to
people every time because try um the gaff a girl
is here to say I don't like Okay, where is
(40:10):
miss Bourbon by the way, I need to speak to her.
She's the star, Marcy. I want to take you out
on a very special birthday, okay, So I want you
to dress up in something that makes you feel great.
I want you to look like you feel like a
million dollars. Okay, this feels creepy, don Marcy I just
(40:36):
want to celebrate your birthday and do something special from
taking you out on a date. I want to go
on a date. That would be nice. But the way
you're telling me you want me to dress up, Like
what do you want me to look like? I don't know.
I would just say, in case we see anybody out
in public, like look good? Do I not usually look?
That's not what I mean, Marcy, I just mean Dan,
(40:58):
Why would you say that? I'm just saying sometimes, like
why do we look like? You always look great? You
know what? In fact, if this is how you want
to look at what? All? Right? Everybody? So he be
here on the scene. If no one to mean, Okay,
we're talking real quick. So Marcy will be showing up.
(41:21):
You will be showing up soon. So I need everybody
in their places. So when she pulls up, what's your
name is? I'm sorry, I just have a little question here.
So so I'm when I when um, you know, I'm
I'm I'm just doing am I Am I going to
be the first contact with Marcy? Am I gonna just
bring her in? Am I gonna bring her in? So
you know you're in the booth, right, You're the one
(41:41):
who's talking to our audience. You're the narrator. Guys, you
guys from you? Yes, you guys from you? Yeah you
are you? Are you pulling a prank on someone? Yeah? Yeah?
This guy knows that we're pulling a prank. She's gonna
know when she shows up too. Yeah. But we're using
her being in love with her boyfriend as a thick veil. Oh,
(42:08):
we gotta cover, We gotta cover the truck. Hey, what's
your name? Bud? Toby? Toby Toby, see this line for me?
Say how much? How much? Oh? Huh? So when Marcy
pulls up looking real good, No, he says, what is
your plan? What is your anyway? I can hop out?
(42:30):
I'm happy to help out. I love pranks. Can you
say dream is to be on a prank show? Well?
All right, so we have Marcy driving up right now
with a boyfriend Dan. Now what Marcy doesn't know is
that this restaurant is filled to the brim with bees
and they are pissed. So right as soon as they
(42:51):
get their first course, we're gonna dump about six tons
of bees right into the restaurant. This is gonna get you.
Ain't okay here they come. I just I just didn't
know you hated me. It didn't know you thought I
love you. This is your favorite restaurant, this was you
know what I actually planted this. I don't look like
(43:12):
a piece of ship like I usually do. Oh my,
can I get you to a table? I don't know
the turds? Where do you see the fat tird birthday?
Because that's what my boyfriend thinks I am. Basically, that
is not what I think you are. What do I want? Gesture?
What do you want me to want to do? Well?
(43:33):
Hold on, we have a reservation. It's from Marcy Bourbon.
You should know about this. And secondly, Marcy, I'm just
saying that if you act like this in front of people,
they're gonna you are. I'm just saying, but you should
stop noting her to death, if I may, sir you. Yeah,
(43:57):
that's what it is. It's being noted to death. Thank you.
That's what it feels like. This morning's like, why don't
you put something on you know that, you know, maybe
put something on nice And it's like I look down,
I'm wearing all right, budd you want to be a star,
You're gonna say how much? And that's gonna cute the bees. Okay, okay,
what's the context, what's the concept? Dude? Look at me?
(44:20):
Look I'm the ep if nobody I mean, I'm all
at the scene scene I can get real mean you
want to make the green yo? B b b Okay,
I'm just gonna go get the longer. You know it's
one of you. I'm with Marshy Bourbon. I'm I'm the
boyfriend for the for the joint show. Is there somebody
here that I can talk to? All right? I just
make drinks. I'm drink their drinks. I drink the drinks.
(44:46):
I drink what's that murderer? That's like I all the drinks.
Make Jack a good boy. I'm like that you're thinking of.
I don't know. I'm here because of red Rum. Try
this one. I drink your milk. Jake part of the
(45:10):
production company. All right, we'll move on. Then I realized
I forgot my EPI pen. But it shouldn't be a problem.
Can I refill your waters here? I don't know if
water going to make me fatter and uglier? Dan uh Marcy,
I just think that what if? What if? Per se
(45:30):
the things that you were saying to me at this table,
I don't know other people in America could see. Yeah,
tell me when to stop. We'll both have water. We'll
both have water. Yeah, we'll just start. Were you gonna
cuss at our waiter? Gonna cut? Okay, everybody gather around.
(46:08):
It's um me, you got it? Your DP? What's up?
I'll tell you what the rapp it? The whole this
show is wrapped. I'm never gonna work in this town again. Well,
I think weoint it too hard. This town is very big.
It's a pretty small town. There's other towns you can look.
(46:31):
Youoint is dead to the hospital. No, no, no, you
signed you signed an agreement. You those were bees. Those
were murder horning. Yeah, you're gonna be all right. Do
you look pretty good? I get stung by honey stick?
Did they get you in the honey stick? Is that
(46:52):
what happened? I'm doing the out now, and it seems
like all the bodies are filled to the home at
three in the morning. Bill Well, well, sir, you're you're
of MTV. You should know that. Here at the autopsy
and you seemed to be having a good time down
(47:13):
there is there's some booze going around, some some high jinks.
You got some some liquor. No, no, sir, no, I'm
very sober. I just want you to know that you
cut somebody open, and you thought you'd call me three
in the morning to laugh your way through some information
back to sleep. It's just some asshole from work. I
can't go back to sleep. We're out of pills, idiot. Well,
(47:37):
if you're gonna sing it, I'll definitely get up and
get some more pills. Thank you. I gotta get up,
so make it, make it quick. What's going on? Well,
I'm sorry. I the way I process fear is laughter.
There is so so much honey in these bodies. What
do you want me to do about it? I just
(47:58):
want you to be aware that there's anything to drink
them with. I don't I love you. I'm gonna go
get some liquid. Okay, walk me through this to you
open them up. There's all kinds of goole and honey inside,
and then something said to you call your boss. I'm
(48:19):
just going by protocol, right, and so now what do
I do because I'm getting water from my wife? Chain
of command? You know, I need to know that they're
you got Steve. You've got Steve number great co Steve okay, okay, okay,
(48:48):
and one one one one one one. Why Steve, what's
the emergency. I'm not Steve, I'm Steve. What's the emergency, Steve?
What's the emergency? Uh? Sir, I'm calling because here at
(49:13):
the MT autopsy. Uh, it's fifteen in the morning. I know, sir,
I know. I'm calling to let you know that that
all the bodies from your wing. Who is it? Who's
calling you? It's it's I don't even know, honestly, somebody
from MTV. It's really late from the autopsy section of MTV.
(49:34):
I'm horny. Go back to sleep. I'm horny now, alright, alright,
I can handle this. I can handle this. Who is this?
Who are you talking to? I've gotta I gotta handy
j right now or most of my partner can't go
(49:56):
to sleep. So you've woken it up. You woke the
track and are you receiving or are you giving? I'm
doing all the work right now. I'm doing all the
work on both of us. So what's the problem. What's guys?
You call me at three fifteen in the morning. The uh,
(50:20):
the bodies are filled to the brim with handy. I'm
sorry it's hard to focus. It's hard to focus. What's
going on? Filled to the brim with what? Okay, okay,
I don't see the problem. It sounds like a good
thing to be filled with. Honey, Steve, thank you for
(50:46):
coming to my office. UM, I think you know what
you're here. I have no idea. I have no idea.
I was surprised. I this is sur pricing. I never
get called into this office. We're gonna have to cancel.
You doing. What are you? I don't watch I don't
(51:08):
watch our programming, Steve. I'm sorry, Okay, too many people
have passed. This is the fifth time? What this is
the fifth time? No, I know it's the fifth time.
It's just I mean we've done hundreds of shows. It's
just five times. Hold on one second, let me just
hand this phone to you, Steve. What's the emergency. Maybe
(51:32):
I'm horny. I did at work right now. Whatever you
can do right now would be helpful. I miss your
handy jays. Steve. I want to talk to you, and
I want you to stay on the phone. All right, So, uh,
what do you think we should do? Um? Hold time
a second? Uh? Um to use this time to be clever?
(51:55):
Answer his question while simultaneously making me horny. Okay, so
we're gonna do okay, okay? So, uh boy, is it? So?
I see your last employer was MTV Autopsies. Well technically
it was joined. Yes, let me just say the parent
(52:17):
company of the parent company of the pranks, so jointsies. Okay,
and uh it says here your name is Jasper Wingfellow.
Oh gee, that's not right, that is not correct, but
that is our show today. Oh I don't remember a
last time we were all laid out at the same time.
(52:40):
Nice work, James with the unquote Handy j. All right,
let's thank all of our alchemists for we We certainly
know that we had a good time, and I hope
you did to, Starting with the lovely and talented James.
He need James. I owed a car wash called Handy J.
By the way, there's Washington on Washington Boulevard. And Um,
(53:03):
I did not know that it stood for something other
than that name that car washed, So thank you for that. Um.
Is there anything you'd like folks to know other than
your wordplay? Uh? Well. On Wednesday nights at eight pm
Pacific Standard time, Bear Supply does a live stream so
check it out. Was it on the twitch? Where's it
(53:25):
twitch at BS Comedy? Okay, well twitch slash BS Comedy.
Thank you, Dr Handy, Vanessa Raglan, James is devastating stress
reaction to his partners morning. It's like the most relatable feeling.
Oh god, I have to deal with that. Yes, reaction
(53:50):
was perfect. Thank you so much for joining us again.
Folks would go to DNAs entire predor dot com for
upcoming events. Yeah, we've got so many fun things going on.
We've got a lot of live stream, a lot of
really exciting cool folks and doing weird stuff all the time,
so come check it out. Awesome. Great to have you
back in the fold, of course. Craig Kakowski. Wow. Great
(54:12):
to have the original crew back today. So much um
yeah at Kikowski on Twitter. Not a lot of the
acting work coming in right now, but I am doing
some ralfing on the sides, so yeah, direct message me
and we'll set something. He can release those demons like
nobody else. Christoph Varado, thank you so much. Palo, thank you,
(54:36):
and thank you. James Heeney. In that moment, James I realized,
you know what James is A is a and giving lover.
You know, he was in the middle of it all
and still wanted to be there for his lover. I
just love that moment. Um at Chris Varado Instagram. UM
at the Comedy Fix my my new podcast where we
(54:57):
discuss comedy stuff. And also thank you to Alchemy that
this morning I woke up to find I was the
Alchemist of the week. I don't know very I mean
that in four dollars will get you a cup of coffee.
So thank you for for congratulations. And Vanessa's right, the
word stress definitely factored into it. Was like the speed
(55:19):
of a horny partner. Joseph of gary Land, thank you
so much as always, thank you for having me. Thank
you for James for scaring us all today. That was fantastic.
Check out Alchemy. This is Instagram. That's it. Um, that's
(55:42):
all I got. Yeah, fair enough, I got. Let's thank
our engineering producer with the Stars, Mr Beane. Fine folks
that I heard media. I'man host. Kevin Pollack, thank you
all so very damn much. Please continue to UM, look
out for each other and we'll get through everything. If
(56:03):
that's all you do. UM write a review if you
have some time. Melvin That's how I cleared my throat.
Now uh doctor recommended it works so well. Um yeah.
Put on a mass of golf, your your friends and strangers,
and thank you for joining us. As always, until next time.
Well, come back to another episode about me. That's COVID edition.
I mean host Kevin Pollock. Yes, that's Kevin Pollock. Well,
I'll tell you what I have already told you way
too much. So no, I'm not telling, but I have grass.
Let's meet your alchemist, shall we? In in particular order
to say hello to Craig Kickkowski kick cow. Favorite part
(00:25):
of a pig you enjoy consuming and how do you
like it prepared? Oh? Man, I don't know what part
of its body it comes from? Do I have to
know that? Do I have to have the butcher's familiarity
with the section of the pig? You can? You can
attempt it? I mean, I like well done bacon. Yeah,
you think is the belly. I also am not allowed
(00:49):
to consume pig in any way, shape or form in
the house or around or around my wife, so I rarely,
I rarely consume it. But we have Hello Fresh Delivers
meals to make, and Carla forgot to un check the
pork option and so of well, of our four meals
(01:10):
this week, we got two pork meals, so I was
able to enjoy. You had to eat it outside. I
had to eat outside. Yeah, we had a little stir
fried ground pork. Oh man, that sounds spectacular. Yeah. We
we've been cooking at home because of the COVID fabulous pandemic,
and we finally decided to give Hello Fresh a chance
(01:31):
and shockingly easy as everyone said it was, and super
enjoyable and the sponsor and they should be a sponsor
the sho You know we also tried Hello Fresh this week?
Did we really did? Um? And now Chris Alvarado too
tall to crawl in a hunter? Words are less? Explain
(01:53):
how what you love about Costco Business Center? I'll turn
to do it in a poem. I think space, space,
empty space, everything I need without the crowds. Step right up,
(02:19):
there's no one in line. Oh nice, I thought you're
gonna go with without the crowds in my face. Oh
this one didn't rhymes. More sophisticated poems poetry, And there's
James Hunted words. I lost track just before candy. Yeah,
we read he has he need. If you find out
(02:39):
that you are allowed to haunt people, who are you
going to get and how? Uh? Well, I'm gonna find
somebody that's born the day that I die, so I
have a good chance to haunt somebody for as long
as possible, in case it's only one person that you
can haunt, so and then it might turn out they
(03:00):
become friends. And if I find in my if I
can take over that baby's body, and I'm coming back
chucky stuff. To be clear, though, you will start by
haunting an infant, a new born, sure, sure, and then
as I've learned how to use my powers, eventually I'll
take that infant's body and have a redo. I mean,
(03:20):
it's great this time, but if I had second try,
and what about the wonderful child whose body you're stealing? Oops,
I'm sorry, what the hell would be very good after that?
I just want, you know, take one extra lifetime, said
the non breeder. What the hell it's Vanessa Ragland Venetia.
(03:40):
I'm still reeling. Oh, come on, you take a baby.
You don't do a second night to right friend like you.
You know, it was very logical at the beginning of
your answer. And then he can't take half them. I'll
just be friends, you know. Yeah, it was a hunting scenario.
(04:03):
But anyways, Veniche, now that you've applied lipstick to your
extraordinary daughter, what will you say to the first young
suitor who comes a calling watch out bits well played,
uh and uh yeah and last but no more grated cheese.
(04:23):
If you think him least, it's Joey greer cat whisper.
What do you say to them to make them do
what you want? You know, it's all in the eyes.
It's actually nothing verbal. Cats hate conversation. So you just
kind of gotta lead him with your eyes to what
you're thinking of, what you're what you're buying with them.
(04:44):
They just they're down. You know, you want them to
eat bacon. Let's look at some bacon to lead it.
Do you want to take over their soul? You just
bring him into James's room. With are known to do
too babies, and you don't want to let cats in
the baby's room because it will steal it soul. Yeah, yeah,
that's right, James, That's exactly what in real life. All
(05:05):
of our scene suggestions are gathered from your listener emails
or from our patroon v i ps. To become the
patrons part of the show and joy exclusive content and
other perks like a video of what's happening right now.
Just head on over to peintree and dot com slash Alchemy.
There is if you like to submit a scene suggested
by your email, please right to the podcast at your
name here Amy this dot com. That's your name here,
(05:29):
Jesus see. Number one comes from David, who wrote, Hello,
You're all wonderful and funny, and you seem to like
one another, which is always great to hear. Do we
would you like a scene suggestion either way? Here it
is a bee brings a new friend in another hive,
but the friend might be a murder or, aren't it?
Thanks for the many hours of laughs. I don't know
(05:51):
how to do it. I don't know how you do it,
is what he wrote. David W. From Boston. So anyway,
as I was saying to Foreman last night that I
don't think everyone's working the line as they should be, Zis,
it's just sometimes, uh, sometimes it's very tiring work, and
(06:16):
the more we work, we don't necessarily gets any credit
for it. It's my point, Zully Zilists, you are making
great points. I mean it's hard to be a worker.
I mean those drones are the ones who have it easy.
Tell me just about it. You don't know what you're
(06:37):
talking about. Us drones have a lot to do. There's
a lot to do. Were always on the go. For example,
working I mean moving work. No, I drone antwork. I
drone antwork. Try that you have one word, I have
to work. Look Um, they're gonna love you. Okay, just
(07:03):
you know, just um, you know, be yourself would be
my would be my My only thing to say to you.
You you're not second guessing this choice? Right? You want
to come? You want to come? Et everybody? Right, I
don't know, you know, most of my body's honey, I
(07:25):
feel like it's not a good idea. You know. Look,
as long as you are who you say you are,
right your Yeah, of course I'm a hard worker. And
everything you said about those beasts just sounds so fun.
You know. I just I don't know that me and
my my honeystick people, we just I don't know. They've
(07:47):
been telling me not to go. They say you're gonna
just suck me out. And this is what they say.
They say, you're gonna use me a some kind of
embryotic sac Hit this, hit this, that's right, really hard.
All right, So now now you're loose, Okay, I'm gonna
bring you in. Just be yourself, okay, alright, let's go.
(08:11):
Demetrius what are you doing? Who is this? Who is
this to me? Hi? Hi? Everybody? Who? I was out
there working hard. I was like, fine, where were you
to show us? Can you do a dance to show
us where? You? Give me one second? So I was
talking dance. So I went to the field and I
(08:33):
found a little flower. Then I found a little friend.
This is my friend. Everybody, were's your queen? Who's your queen?
Who's your queen? Oh? Are you here? Who's your who's
your queen? Can you abandon your queen? Are you a deserter?
I live in a representative republic monarchy. I'm a I'm
a honey stick boy boy. Part of my body's honey.
(08:56):
Are you hey? Hey everybody? I told him that we
were gonna be cool. He's nice, he wants a job.
What do you do? Are you a dry? What does
any stick boy do? I? T T yeah? What does
that stand for? Internet talk? I don't know. I don't know.
(09:24):
Come on, opening in the nursery. We could have him
in the nursery. This is our chance. I'm gonna be honest.
I don't know if you want all the routers next
to the babies. Uh So it's just a it doesn't
matter what you think. We gotta go speak to the queen. Okay,
(09:44):
Oh you later, yeah, zee you later. And I remember
just one time, I like this wash come at me
and I had my sting around and I fucking jam
the right in it s gottdamn head not it's pretty good. Yea,
(10:05):
kill him, keep it down. Sorry, he's not very hippy today. Hey,
dummy number one and dummy number two? Do you do
you please not to stary the queen? Yeah, I know,
I don't know. They have to keep coming out of here.
Good time. Okay, just trying to guard the door. You
(10:29):
know the password here is silently I'm nuts. Yeah, let's
try that version. Hey guys, what's hell? Yeah? Nice to
see you guys. Oh sure there's a reason you're here
right now. Can't just stop buying? Say hi? You can't
(10:49):
good to see you as good to see you know,
work working, that's a fair questions. No, actually, I'm about
I was working and then I'm going to get back
to right now. It looks like a I'm time to
sleep and eat a lot of things so I can
have about a bazilion babies. I don't know how I
(11:12):
was seeking painted for your pal, So let's keep it
down and what's up? Okay, this is this is my buddy.
He's a he's a he's a b boy. He's a
honey honey boy. He's a honey boy. It looks like
a costume of a honey stick. That doesn't look like
a real honey stick. Boy, What kind of costumes you've seen?
It doesn't look like that. I bet you if we
(11:32):
snapped that honey stick in half, it wouldn't even be No.
But what why don't we walk a little further away
and have a discussion because the security just slower you
to slower your voice. You want to walk away from
the door we're supposed to protect. Show you I'm going
to kill you. Okay, he's not messing around my body.
(11:54):
I wanted to meet the queen. I think they would
hit it off. You thought you'd just draw on in
and meet the queen. He's on he so honey honey
stick boy. Yeah, we heard all about it. That's special.
I thought the queen honey trap. I think it's a
honey trap. I'm going to check with the queen. I'm
gonna ask if she's seeing anybody. But until then, everyone,
she shut the funk up? Okay, what the fuck is wrong? Yeah? Yes,
(12:26):
your honest, I have a simple request from honey stick boy,
A simple who This was my reaction as well. I
just wanted to check to see if that was anything
you were interested. I don't understand what you're saying, you
blithering idiot. What are you saying? I'm saying, honey stickboy? Honey?
What's a honey stick boy? Let me let that up.
(12:50):
What's a honey sticks from a special breed of bees? What?
What does he want? What is he bringing me? Some thing?
Is the next? It's a be consume his body? Is?
There's that look when you go in there? Bring her
these zemas? Okay, she goes crazy for these things. Are
(13:12):
you hot? What? It's just hot? I feel like it's
so hot in here. It's like everyone's moving around. It's
like it feels like everyone's just it's so hot. Well,
there's a lot of work to get done, but we
keep trying to keep the place cool. With her wings,
she's feeling good. What's up? Because if you blow us
for me, I might she might might eat me. She
might eat me. What the funk are you serious, dude?
(13:35):
She's the queen Okay, Yeah, I'll do the best I can. Okay,
I'm bored. Stick boy, Okay, you too, Z got forty
seven seconds. Make it good. I think we're going to
(13:58):
regret that. Honey, the human snap them and have and
put them in into their teeth. Ya keeps it down.
I think he's gonna kill the queen. Do you honestly
think that that's what I'm saying? But nobody was and
you did nothing to know you just I was shut down.
(14:19):
I was threatened that I was gonna be You brought
this up right after he went into You didn't see
it was not a plastic stickle, honey talking that was accustomed.
So you're a honey stick boy? Uh huh? Why are
you talking about? So it's so hot? I told you normal.
(14:41):
I'm sweating out all my The Queen's chambers are often warm,
and in fact that I think I could do with
him a bit warm. Or dance for me, honey, stick boy,
dance for me. I don't think bees have hips like that. Hey, guards,
(15:02):
there is a rumor going around that someone let a
murder hornet into the hive. Have you seen this? Uh?
This guy? You've seen no one who looks like this
(15:24):
murder hornet? Is this a moment? This picture right here
is nothing looks like this? Is this picture of a
murder horner? Surely no, Zack, did you see anybody who
looked like the murder order? Huh? This picture of a
murder hornet? We haven't, Zack. It's time to speak up.
(15:47):
I'm gonna be honest with you, all right. I got
a lot on my mind. Man, all right, I haven't
seen one of my two thousand kids in a long time.
I don't know what's going I don't know if I'm
supposed to get paid not. I've been reading these things
on trees. Man, the trees are talking to me. They're
saying that maybe maybe we should unionize, you know, maybe
(16:07):
maybe we shouldn't be living in a monarchy. You know
what I'm saying, Like, who said that she got power
but stole by? What? Nie? What's the buzz? That's it?
That's it? Just get together and you know, for equal pay.
You know, maybe the question get all that sweet sweet
(16:28):
food pollen? You know. Maybe so you're a honey stick
boy and you can't dance, why don't you come over
here and show me what you can do? If you
know what I mean eggs toly. What this chance, dude,
that's a big score. Oh what the this is supposed
(16:48):
to be a job interview man, come in here thinking
I was gonna job is filled me up, But it's up.
This is a lot to do this in front of
people and the big bee. But you seem to be
a big honey sticklef. What you can do? Yeah, well,
(17:10):
the bottom part of you is like pull shadon and
just like pop yeah yeah yeah. Posting is part of
the gig jumped on and captualhythm. What's happening? What's happening?
If you've gathered here, that means you've seen the messages
we've been leaving in the trees. Now, this is a
(17:32):
secret society. We no longer want to be ruled by
the Queen, so secret society. Thank you said it better
than I ever could. Now, if you have problems with
the queen, make a little bit of a buzz noise.
I want to know we're being supported here. Oy, look
(17:55):
good good, they'll think if we leave this tribe, we
can go want to become whatever we want. I mean, Zach,
we know you're into art, right, you can make honeycomb sculptures. Forever.
You're not having sex like a b You're having sex
like a murder hornet. What are you doing? Keep going?
(18:23):
That is number one everybody. Oh man, I was hoping
the murder horner could in fact murder it. Long time patron.
(18:44):
So it's a little after midnight and I'm supposed to
be cleaning, packing, getting ready to move, but here I
sit getting drunk and watching the patron videos of past episode.
I had an idea for a scene that goes like this,
an incompetent moving crew just fucking around in a place
that has some crazy neighbors. Thank you so much for
all you do. I gotta back up the truck. I
(19:08):
think I gotta back up the truck more. What because
I don't feel we're close enough today? Driveway? Do you
know where do you feel? While I'm sensing, it's more
of a sensing. You got the crazy senses. Man. That
time I sensed the ball game, remember that time? Yes,
I was. I should have been on it, man, I
(19:28):
should have been that Marvey was going to hit that
home run. Yeah. A lot of us want a lot
of money. You got none. So why don't you just
guide me in a little bit? Well, let me see
what kind of signals you're gonna give me as I
back up, sweetheart. We can trust these people. Okay, we're
paying them a lot of money. They're gonna wrap everything
up and they're gonna move it away safely. Well, how
(19:49):
do you know, though, what if they don't know? What
if things break? What if things fall apart? You know,
my parents got divorced. I was twenty seven. I know,
like you think something solid and then it breaks. But
that's listen listen. I paid extra for the bubble wrap,
and I know I know mc nac nack. Okay, Hi, hey,
(20:15):
coming in. It's Bruce from Loaded and Locked. Hey, Bruce's
looking at clever. It's clever name, right, I just need
acknowledgement that I need acknowledgement. There, it's a clever name.
We load your stuff, we lock it up at the truck. Anyway, anyway,
(20:37):
I got my guys in the truck. They're trying to
find parking right now. It's a very narrow streets the driveway.
This is our driveway. So we could just come right
in here to the driveway, right yeah, yeah, the narrow
street is our driveway. It's a long drive. Okay, would
you recommend like, uh, nose in first or back in first.
(20:59):
I mean that a should be in first, saken, Bruce, Spruce,
that's what that's what I want to get to her, darling.
So this is my wife, Sherry. You've you've met. Um.
She's a little on edge today because we have not
on edge. I just have emotions and that doesn't make
me weak. Okay, she's a little weak, Spruce, she's a
(21:19):
little weak. Can you call me down? Can you comm now?
I'm gonna leave you to alone, Bruce, if you could,
if you, if you could, I'm gonna leave me. Goddamnit.
The neighbors are moving and they're fighting in the front yard.
Goddamn it. What about it? Damn it? I don't know
what you get so upset they've been, they've We're going
to miss them, miss neighbors. Really, we're looking at their quiet. Hey,
(21:43):
mommy and Daddy, what do you want me to do
with the neighbors? I want you to go back into
the lab, okay, Sherman, Okay, you go in your cage.
Can you wait until dinner? Do you understand? All right?
And I'll go back in the cage and lock myself
in the same way. That I picked the lock and
got out to ask a couple of questions. But no,
you're right, daddy. I'll go back in the cage and experiments. Hey, hey,
(22:06):
we don't know what the next neighbor is going to
be like. They haven't been nosy at all. Imagine what
if there's some nosy neighbor that wants to know what
we're doing in here all the time. That's a good
point we should Sherman. Sherman, don't go in the cage.
Sherman here, go over to the house and set up
some audio visual recording devices in different locations. All right.
We want to be able to know everything and anything
(22:28):
about our neighbors, and we don't want Sherman to go
over there that he's going to stick out like a
sore thumb. Honey, Bruce, you guys have been in there
for a while. Is everything okay? So it sounds like
he's listening to you, but he's not hearing. I mean,
you're being very generous because I feel like what's happening
is like emotional um you know, Bruce, Oh my god,
(22:53):
but feel things different than guys. We express ourselves in
different ways. But he's got to acknowledge that exactly. And
I don't even think it's that we feel things differently.
I think it's the other thing you said, Bruce, it's
how we expressed those feelings exactly. Yeah, I think you
know he's he's gonna check in more often. You didn't.
You Just see how and just stop trying to fix it, right,
(23:14):
and just technolog there's a problem, Stop trying to fix
it and listen. Okay, hey fellas, So yeah, you guys,
move the truck in feeling good? Feeling good man? Yeah,
question man, if six hundred elephants were attacking you, would
you rather six hundred elephants the size of elephants or
six elephants the size of uh, like a shoe. So
(23:42):
the bubble wrap is gonna be on the piano as well, right,
not just like the small things, but also on the No, No,
we're gonna get the bubble up inside the piano. Outside.
We'll pum milk inside of the piano. Whatever you want.
That are you trying? Is that Budweiser? It's a bud light, buddy.
I don't try to watch my figure. You drinking on
the job. What are you talking about? I'm thirsty? What
(24:03):
do you mean, well, it's just that this we have
some very valuable items and I want you to have
all your Oh you don't think my time is valuable. Huh,
well we're time. We're paying. I just want to make
sure you try to say I'm I'm below you, Bruce.
I get it loaded and locked. Oh my god, I'm sorry.
I might have oversold it a little bit. It's not's great,
(24:27):
and I think that that is that is creative writing.
It's been a fair amount of money on the T shirts.
Oh I hadn't even Bruce. You should be really proud
of yourself. Is this spot too out there or is it?
I mean, I don't think so. It's hard to read,
but now that I know that it says the company name,
I guess it's hard to read because it's scratchy, you know.
(24:53):
And we'll start our own government right here, right now.
All right, we're not moving up and now we're moving in.
All right, buddy, all right, I would tell you some
about your fucking piano. All right. I don't want to
think about baby grand pianos. But it looks like a
normal sized piano, all right, so that can eat my ash. Alright.
I'm just saying that right now, first order a business
(25:13):
in the new government. You eat my ass. I'm not
scared of you. Oh you don't have to, alright, because
I got the power. You take your shirt off. I'll
take my shirt off. You want to go? You want
to go? Dude? All those tattoos gill here? Did you
give you some of those tattoos? What that's right? Single
needle prison style, motherfucker. You want to go? You want
(25:34):
to go. I can't believe you've never been wrofed before.
You've got a huge knot like right at your right shoulders.
So you know, as I work it out, I just
let out all of that emotion, let out all of
that negative energy. Where's your anyway? Man? Huh buddy, somebody
(26:05):
give me some guidance. I'm trying to back up the
truck already. You're gonna run over maybe? Oh yeah, yeah, okay, okay, okay.
But Bruce, uh neighbor coming over here to drop off
my son? Um, what is going on? It looks like
(26:28):
someone has just been running over. It's just the workers,
you know, the workers. By the way, Wait a minute,
your husband's name is Bruce's will. Yeah, that's that's odd.
That that did not come up. What I introduced myself
as Bruce you know, well you know I didn't even
he never really got introduced you and I. It was
more like it was just said, you know my wife,
(26:48):
you know, And so I did not have the in
to say and funny thing he's first two because I
was mad. I was mad at my bruth when the
whole thing happened. Or I would have said, like, isn't
that weird? I don't meet it a a Bruce Offen,
but what I do, it's like all we talk about.
So that's just well, maybe this was good then, because
you've got to, you know, find something else out Like
if you had just been talking about that, then you
(27:10):
and I might not have connected. Okay, I think your
hip is out of place and I'm gonna lock it
back in. Oh yeah maybe in Today's not the day
to bring your kids over, Bud. You know, we're moving
and stuff. What's all these tattoos? Uh? They look satanic
in nature? Devil deviltte to a tree. Okay, well I'm
(27:37):
gonna want no Why did you want one? Awesome? No tattoo?
A cab with me? If you want tamp tom Oh,
I'm gonna get the tattoo. I'll get the tattoo. Yeah,
excuse me. Are are you the homeowner? Yeah? Yeah, hi,
we are. We just moved in next door, my family
(27:59):
and I. We are six human sized elephants. Uh So,
I just wanted to be upfront with that. I mean,
you can see, you can see that we're all human sized.
You see, honey, you don't want to have to tell him.
You can see we're sitting there, six of us and
we're human sized elephants. You know. Not not what you're expecting,
but maybe not bad, maybe not bad. I just wanted
(28:21):
to let you know we're here, and we see that
you're you're moving out. I guess okay, well that's yeah,
that's too bad. We we can certainly help you know,
you want us to pack some trunks for you. I
love to pack. I'm a packer. Sorry. You know, you
know there might be one item in my house that
(28:42):
you guys might appreciate. It's a piano. Oh I thought
you were going to say peanuts. Then we get a
look at the tricks here. You can see six human
size elephants mighty way into this. So just see what
are we gonna do about it? We gotta What are
we gonna do about it? Oh? Yeah, very good, very
(29:04):
good in it? I love it? I love it? What
are we gonna do about it? It's bargeim to check.
All right, I'm gonna get a little napstick here. Everyone
pick out a weeping Okay, I'm going to take the right. Yea,
(29:28):
I'll take the right, all right, I'll take the gun alright?
Which one the pistols? All right? Sweetheart? Weren't you supposed
to be moving today? Why are you home so early? You? James?
(29:52):
You were kind of and I felt like I was
calling you all day and like you weren't answering the phone.
Did something happen to you at work? At the at
the moving company? Um, here's the thing is. I showed
up and I had parked the truck really far down
the driveway, and and I had told them all that
(30:12):
if we want to get the hours, then we want
to walk all the way to the end of the driveway.
And as soon as they pulled it back really close,
I was like, fuck it, nobody listens to me. So
I quit the job. I will towards you too. I
quit the job. I can get a different job. I
don't need to be part of a moving company. Okay.
So looking at your resume here, you were working at
(30:34):
Loaded and Locked for the past eight months? Is that correct?
It was like, yeah, generally eight months? Sure? Seven? I
mean this is this is your resume. So you tell
me it said eight months on, Well it was eight
months ago, but I worked there for seven months. I
really just needed job. So I don't want to argue
with you because you're the boss him right, So, but
(30:56):
you said it was really seven months. I worked there
for seven months, okay, which it was. It would have
been eight months, but just bade to the eight months mark, right,
it would have been nine months? Did you made to
the nine months mark? But why why did you write
eight months and then correct me? Here? Bruce, Baby, I
(31:19):
don't think I want to move, Bruce. Thank you so much?
Which Bruce, you're talking to? Bruce? What's going on here? Um?
I got rolfed and I feel great, and I'm sorry.
I think that's why I've been so mean and reactive.
(31:40):
But also you've been mean and reactive and you made
me feel crazy. But I think we were both crazy,
or maybe just you were crazy. Maybe we should both
sit down with Bruce to sort of unpack that. But
is that a dead man in our driveway? I don't
give a shit, Bruce, did you rolf my wife? I
did rolf? Your word, she did? Mm hmm. Excuse me,
(32:04):
excuse me. A bit that piano you showed me is
made almost completely out of ivory. Bingo, bingo. I'm not
a good man, do you understand, but myself, I'm a
bad husband human elephant. Yes, I'm a human sized elephant.
And clearly we're not welcome in this neighborhood if you're
using ivory pianos. I was my husband's piano. I never
(32:27):
knew anything about it. Husband, Ice, What how did you
do that on your phone? Okay, well, I'm looking at
this short story you wrote on the back of your
resume and something about six human sized elephants. It's not
a short story, that's the truth. When you say short story,
(32:49):
it sounds like it's fiction. Did you not hear about
the six human size elephants that moved into they were
hunted down the Australians finally got him. You didn't hear
about that? Look, this is I don't know. I I
t you should see the incredible tech I can do.
Tommy Tommy. I know I'm just shadowing management today, but
(33:11):
can I can I throw in a little bit here?
Can we circle back to the eight versus nine months
on the job and the audacity that you would argue
during a interview for this tsshul is if he's the boss,
then I don't want to be in here. But I
(33:32):
and it was seven Okay, I never said nine months. Okay,
So I'm Tommy. I'm just show sorry again. But I'm
gonna just look. The password is red flag, and this
son of a bitch is made from head to toe
a red Yeah. This is Bruce, the owner of Loaded
(33:52):
and Locked. Uh. You you said you were checking on
a reference. Yeah, I'm I'm trying to find out. Do
you do you know a guy by the name of
Jasper Wing? Bellow? Jasper Wing Bellow. No, it's James Heeney.
Your resume says Jasper Wing Bellow. Why does your resume state?
(34:14):
Oh no, I forgot my weapon. I've got a right story. No,
you don't have a right here. I don't you do
not You've got guess? Oh no, I guess I'm gonna
(34:34):
have to take the human saws elephants with this. It's
right there by myself, all right, and they are decided
to not take any whipping is a form of pisipism,
all right now we all know it. But you started
to give that. You want to tell me just to
hunt things in part him just because you used this.
I like to hang out with you. You're my friends.
(34:55):
You might of friends, prince, my prince coaches. Here they come, here,
they come. You invited me to be a pot chat skin,
so you can say whatever you want about me. Less
enough of the punts, all right, excuse me, I'm sorry, um, sorry, No,
(35:25):
you're not gonna SoRs left. You just ask me, and
I'm never gonna forget this. I'll just be gold in
the cheese. That was accidental. That was you don't like
it when I'm funny. And yet you know what my
(35:47):
eyes closed out March too. The elephant graveyard right now,
buy myself my chess. You can see it all. So
did he confirm or not that I was an employee there?
He said you were for six months? Well, and that
I've seen too. Oh my god, just the way you
(36:09):
think it was. That was so happy the negotiations over
being funny. Three comes from Chris, who wrote, Hey, it's Chris.
You love me. Go ahead, I'll except some phrase, but
you digress. My scene is a prank show. I hope
Craig is here for this. I love you guys, best regards,
(36:31):
and if James would follow my gaming stream, I would
die at ex Luton X on Facebook. Have fun, Chris
Luton from Oregon. All right, we're here on location. Well
we have Marcy Bill if I could, I'm gonna stop
(36:51):
you right there. If you just take it again from
the beginning of the copy, that was great. I'm just
so nervous. It's okay, it happens to all of us.
Just take a Sorry, her name is just her name
is Marcy Bourbon. It's not Marcy Bilbo. That's a I'm
(37:13):
just reading a little script here. I'm sorry, guys, sorry
to interrupt. Sound Um. I think he swept through the
mic tape and the mic and it's dripping and I can't.
I can't. He's not tea five. Okay, do you mind
if I go up take it's so good, so wet. Okay,
(37:37):
Oh my gosh, I'm shows yeah, yeah, yeah, I never
never seen somebody in this wet but you're doing okay,
just my first time doing and hosting one of these
pranksos nuts, I brought a little gun on me just
in case. Okay, um, no, I don't know. I don't
(37:57):
know what you mean? What what do you mean? Everybody?
All right, everybody gather up, gather up, ep on the scene,
if you know what I mean. All right, now listen,
it's no secret network is breathing down our backs. Okay,
is next? Next? Next? I know, Look, this next prank
(38:21):
has got to be the prank you know what I'm saying,
the prank of all pranks. You know what I'm saying.
It's gotta be the uber prank. You know what I'm saying,
it's gotta be the prankiest prank that's ever pranked. You
know what I'm saying. Alright, Yes, I guess. And there's
no chance we're gonna get sued if anything happens wrong,
Like there's a chance there's a chance us personally. We
(38:43):
aren't personally, We're just I'm just crew, just the crew, everybody,
just the job. I mean, if somebody gets hurt, I
don't want to be aliable gets hurt. Now, everybody, all right,
I see any resume here, you have one of your
(39:03):
crew member yeah, both both of you were members. Okay,
all right, so you were both part of Q and
ON and that's your resume. You just want to tell
me that you were both involved with and yeah, I
mean that's a really job. You know. We're we're looking
for key grips lighting you know, yeah, yeah, no, weed,
(39:24):
that's why we're here. But we're also we work quite
a bit for the Q and AN organization. Alright, this
is a unique gig. So can't really uh dig into that.
You don't know what the problem is? What the hell?
All right, guys, very excited, very excited EP here on
the scene. If you know what I mean, please just
(39:47):
stop doing the EP thing. That's my position, I know,
but I don't say my job before I speak to
people every time because try um the gaff a girl
is here to say I don't like Okay, where is
(40:10):
miss Bourbon by the way, I need to speak to her.
She's the star, Marcy. I want to take you out
on a very special birthday, okay, So I want you
to dress up in something that makes you feel great.
I want you to look like you feel like a
million dollars. Okay, this feels creepy, don Marcy I just
(40:36):
want to celebrate your birthday and do something special from
taking you out on a date. I want to go
on a date. That would be nice. But the way
you're telling me you want me to dress up, Like
what do you want me to look like? I don't know.
I would just say, in case we see anybody out
in public, like look good? Do I not usually look?
That's not what I mean, Marcy, I just mean Dan,
(40:58):
Why would you say that? I'm just saying sometimes, like
why do we look like? You always look great? You
know what? In fact, if this is how you want
to look at what? All? Right? Everybody? So he be
here on the scene. If no one to mean, Okay,
we're talking real quick. So Marcy will be showing up.
(41:21):
You will be showing up soon. So I need everybody
in their places. So when she pulls up, what's your
name is? I'm sorry, I just have a little question here.
So so I'm when I when um, you know, I'm
I'm I'm just doing am I Am I going to
be the first contact with Marcy? Am I gonna just
bring her in? Am I gonna bring her in? So
you know you're in the booth, right, You're the one
(41:41):
who's talking to our audience. You're the narrator. Guys, you
guys from you? Yes, you guys from you? Yeah you
are you? Are you pulling a prank on someone? Yeah? Yeah?
This guy knows that we're pulling a prank. She's gonna
know when she shows up too. Yeah. But we're using
her being in love with her boyfriend as a thick veil. Oh,
(42:08):
we gotta cover, We gotta cover the truck. Hey, what's
your name? Bud? Toby? Toby Toby, see this line for me?
Say how much? How much? Oh? Huh? So when Marcy
pulls up looking real good, No, he says, what is
your plan? What is your anyway? I can hop out?
(42:30):
I'm happy to help out. I love pranks. Can you
say dream is to be on a prank show? Well?
All right, so we have Marcy driving up right now
with a boyfriend Dan. Now what Marcy doesn't know is
that this restaurant is filled to the brim with bees
and they are pissed. So right as soon as they
(42:51):
get their first course, we're gonna dump about six tons
of bees right into the restaurant. This is gonna get you.
Ain't okay here they come. I just I just didn't
know you hated me. It didn't know you thought I
love you. This is your favorite restaurant, this was you
know what I actually planted this. I don't look like
(43:12):
a piece of ship like I usually do. Oh my,
can I get you to a table? I don't know
the turds? Where do you see the fat tird birthday?
Because that's what my boyfriend thinks I am. Basically, that
is not what I think you are. What do I want? Gesture?
What do you want me to want to do? Well?
(43:33):
Hold on, we have a reservation. It's from Marcy Bourbon.
You should know about this. And secondly, Marcy, I'm just
saying that if you act like this in front of people,
they're gonna you are. I'm just saying, but you should
stop noting her to death, if I may, sir you. Yeah,
(43:57):
that's what it is. It's being noted to death. Thank you.
That's what it feels like. This morning's like, why don't
you put something on you know that, you know, maybe
put something on nice And it's like I look down,
I'm wearing all right, budd you want to be a star,
You're gonna say how much? And that's gonna cute the bees. Okay, okay,
what's the context, what's the concept? Dude? Look at me?
(44:20):
Look I'm the ep if nobody I mean, I'm all
at the scene scene I can get real mean you
want to make the green yo? B b b Okay,
I'm just gonna go get the longer. You know it's
one of you. I'm with Marshy Bourbon. I'm I'm the
boyfriend for the for the joint show. Is there somebody
here that I can talk to? All right? I just
make drinks. I'm drink their drinks. I drink the drinks.
(44:46):
I drink what's that murderer? That's like I all the drinks.
Make Jack a good boy. I'm like that you're thinking of.
I don't know. I'm here because of red Rum. Try
this one. I drink your milk. Jake part of the
(45:10):
production company. All right, we'll move on. Then I realized
I forgot my EPI pen. But it shouldn't be a problem.
Can I refill your waters here? I don't know if
water going to make me fatter and uglier? Dan uh Marcy,
I just think that what if? What if? Per se
(45:30):
the things that you were saying to me at this table,
I don't know other people in America could see. Yeah,
tell me when to stop. We'll both have water. We'll
both have water. Yeah, we'll just start. Were you gonna
cuss at our waiter? Gonna cut? Okay, everybody gather around.
(46:08):
It's um me, you got it? Your DP? What's up?
I'll tell you what the rapp it? The whole this
show is wrapped. I'm never gonna work in this town again. Well,
I think weoint it too hard. This town is very big.
It's a pretty small town. There's other towns you can look.
(46:31):
Youoint is dead to the hospital. No, no, no, you
signed you signed an agreement. You those were bees. Those
were murder horning. Yeah, you're gonna be all right. Do
you look pretty good? I get stung by honey stick?
Did they get you in the honey stick? Is that
(46:52):
what happened? I'm doing the out now, and it seems
like all the bodies are filled to the home at
three in the morning. Bill Well, well, sir, you're you're
of MTV. You should know that. Here at the autopsy
and you seemed to be having a good time down
(47:13):
there is there's some booze going around, some some high jinks.
You got some some liquor. No, no, sir, no, I'm
very sober. I just want you to know that you
cut somebody open, and you thought you'd call me three
in the morning to laugh your way through some information
back to sleep. It's just some asshole from work. I
can't go back to sleep. We're out of pills, idiot. Well,
(47:37):
if you're gonna sing it, I'll definitely get up and
get some more pills. Thank you. I gotta get up,
so make it, make it quick. What's going on? Well,
I'm sorry. I the way I process fear is laughter.
There is so so much honey in these bodies. What
do you want me to do about it? I just
(47:58):
want you to be aware that there's anything to drink
them with. I don't I love you. I'm gonna go
get some liquid. Okay, walk me through this to you
open them up. There's all kinds of goole and honey inside,
and then something said to you call your boss. I'm
(48:19):
just going by protocol, right, and so now what do
I do because I'm getting water from my wife? Chain
of command? You know, I need to know that they're
you got Steve. You've got Steve number great co Steve okay, okay, okay,
(48:48):
and one one one one one one. Why Steve, what's
the emergency. I'm not Steve, I'm Steve. What's the emergency, Steve?
What's the emergency? Uh? Sir, I'm calling because here at
(49:13):
the MT autopsy. Uh, it's fifteen in the morning. I know, sir,
I know. I'm calling to let you know that that
all the bodies from your wing. Who is it? Who's
calling you? It's it's I don't even know, honestly, somebody
from MTV. It's really late from the autopsy section of MTV.
(49:34):
I'm horny. Go back to sleep. I'm horny now, alright, alright,
I can handle this. I can handle this. Who is this?
Who are you talking to? I've gotta I gotta handy
j right now or most of my partner can't go
(49:56):
to sleep. So you've woken it up. You woke the
track and are you receiving or are you giving? I'm
doing all the work right now. I'm doing all the
work on both of us. So what's the problem. What's guys?
You call me at three fifteen in the morning. The uh,
(50:20):
the bodies are filled to the brim with handy. I'm
sorry it's hard to focus. It's hard to focus. What's
going on? Filled to the brim with what? Okay, okay,
I don't see the problem. It sounds like a good
thing to be filled with. Honey, Steve, thank you for
(50:46):
coming to my office. UM, I think you know what
you're here. I have no idea. I have no idea.
I was surprised. I this is sur pricing. I never
get called into this office. We're gonna have to cancel.
You doing. What are you? I don't watch I don't
(51:08):
watch our programming, Steve. I'm sorry, Okay, too many people
have passed. This is the fifth time? What this is
the fifth time? No, I know it's the fifth time.
It's just I mean we've done hundreds of shows. It's
just five times. Hold on one second, let me just
hand this phone to you, Steve. What's the emergency. Maybe
(51:32):
I'm horny. I did at work right now. Whatever you
can do right now would be helpful. I miss your
handy jays. Steve. I want to talk to you, and
I want you to stay on the phone. All right, So, uh,
what do you think we should do? Um? Hold time
a second? Uh? Um to use this time to be clever?
(51:55):
Answer his question while simultaneously making me horny. Okay, so
we're gonna do okay, okay? So, uh boy, is it? So?
I see your last employer was MTV Autopsies. Well technically
it was joined. Yes, let me just say the parent
(52:17):
company of the parent company of the pranks, so jointsies. Okay,
and uh it says here your name is Jasper Wingfellow.
Oh gee, that's not right, that is not correct, but
that is our show today. Oh I don't remember a
last time we were all laid out at the same time.
(52:40):
Nice work, James with the unquote Handy j. All right,
let's thank all of our alchemists for we We certainly
know that we had a good time, and I hope
you did to, Starting with the lovely and talented James.
He need James. I owed a car wash called Handy J.
By the way, there's Washington on Washington Boulevard. And Um,
(53:03):
I did not know that it stood for something other
than that name that car washed, So thank you for that. Um.
Is there anything you'd like folks to know other than
your wordplay? Uh? Well. On Wednesday nights at eight pm
Pacific Standard time, Bear Supply does a live stream so
check it out. Was it on the twitch? Where's it
(53:25):
twitch at BS Comedy? Okay, well twitch slash BS Comedy.
Thank you, Dr Handy, Vanessa Raglan, James is devastating stress
reaction to his partners morning. It's like the most relatable feeling.
Oh god, I have to deal with that. Yes, reaction
(53:50):
was perfect. Thank you so much for joining us again.
Folks would go to DNAs entire predor dot com for
upcoming events. Yeah, we've got so many fun things going on.
We've got a lot of live stream, a lot of
really exciting cool folks and doing weird stuff all the time,
so come check it out. Awesome. Great to have you
back in the fold, of course. Craig Kakowski. Wow. Great
(54:12):
to have the original crew back today. So much um
yeah at Kikowski on Twitter. Not a lot of the
acting work coming in right now, but I am doing
some ralfing on the sides, so yeah, direct message me
and we'll set something. He can release those demons like
nobody else. Christoph Varado, thank you so much. Palo, thank you,
(54:36):
and thank you. James Heeney. In that moment, James I realized,
you know what James is A is a and giving lover.
You know, he was in the middle of it all
and still wanted to be there for his lover. I
just love that moment. Um at Chris Varado Instagram. UM
at the Comedy Fix my my new podcast where we
(54:57):
discuss comedy stuff. And also thank you to Alchemy that
this morning I woke up to find I was the
Alchemist of the week. I don't know very I mean
that in four dollars will get you a cup of coffee.
So thank you for for congratulations. And Vanessa's right, the
word stress definitely factored into it. Was like the speed
(55:19):
of a horny partner. Joseph of gary Land, thank you
so much as always, thank you for having me. Thank
you for James for scaring us all today. That was fantastic.
Check out Alchemy. This is Instagram. That's it. Um, that's
(55:42):
all I got. Yeah, fair enough, I got. Let's thank
our engineering producer with the Stars, Mr Beane. Fine folks
that I heard media. I'man host. Kevin Pollack, thank you
all so very damn much. Please continue to UM, look
out for each other and we'll get through everything. If
(56:03):
that's all you do. UM write a review if you
have some time. Melvin That's how I cleared my throat.
Now uh doctor recommended it works so well. Um yeah.
Put on a mass of golf, your your friends and strangers,
and thank you for joining us. As always, until next time.
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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