May 6, 2021 • 48 mins
Pavlov's Dog meets Schrodinger's Cat.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to other episode of A Dish and your
host Kevin Paul is back. My favorite card. Yeah it's
the seventh space my least favorite card showing. But I digress.
Let's meet our alchemist Shallow we overt order. Please say
good afternoon to Priss alorado Lean, but never mean. What's
(00:24):
the time of day or night that feels the calmness
to you? Eight am. That's right, that's a good one.
Thank you my dogs and sleeping later than I have,
so I have that moment in bed where I'm just alone,
uh huh, thinking right, it feels nice throughout the word calm,
(00:48):
you know. Then you get up, you know what I mean,
and then your day really starts, and then here comes
the judgments and self doubt and you go on to
Gary Anthony Williams Instagram like, oh he's having fun. A
lot of cool actor friends in him are having fun,
you know what I mean, And it's like and then
it just like doesn't feel that good anymore. So definitely
eight am before the world has let me know that
I'm nobody. Okay, that is the correct answer at all
(01:09):
that down here, and thank you for it. Hey, it's
Gary Anthony Wood the aforementioned Gary Anthony wins g a dub.
How much time have you spent at c wow? Uh
not nearly seriously And I know I like to come
in here and play a lot of grab ass ree
and joking around. But not nearly enough, buddy, not nearly enough.
(01:32):
My father was in the military. Uh yeah, you know
that you have more than anybody, you know that. And
uh so that said, yeah, yeah, thank you. And now
Craig Katkowski with his streaming donc you series review corner
(01:54):
Kevin streaming doc You series review yesterday, Sasquatch came out Hulu.
Very excited for that. It's streaming. It's multiple episodes. Uh
possibly involves uh the Pacific Northwest hominid creature known as
Bigfoot colloquially or sasquatch too serious cryptozoologists. It's I have
(02:19):
clicked on at it to my page on Hulu, Yes,
and I I realized I was supposed to have it
watched in time for this review. That has not happened.
Has not happened. My cue is scarily full. Appreciate all
the preamble and no review whatsoever, and now please welcome
back house. Fav Mark Gangliardi, Hello, Hr gags and stuff.
(02:45):
Tell us about that time you were doing Shakespeare and
it did not turn out his plan. Well, I was.
I was doing Romeo and Juliet like I do. Uh,
in the role of Juliette like I do. And there's
that final scene where I I wake up and Romeo
(03:06):
has you know, already drank the potion from the true
apothecary whose drugs are quick. Um. But the the actor
playing Romeo in this prediction particular production had left a
little bit of the poison still in the bottle. So
when I went to take that sip and find that,
you know, the poison is all gone, you know gone
and left no drop for me. Uh, there was actually
(03:27):
a drop that had been left for me, and uh.
I spent three weeks in the hospital. Thank you for
sharing all of that. That was rough, true story, true story,
and last but no five guys Fries for you. If
you think of Leasa, it's Joey Greer Cad your dodger.
What was your experience like aboard their ship. I'm gonna
(03:48):
pause that question and go to the five guys Fries
and tro Man. I love five guys from this is
Fries on you and now this is what I heard.
This is probably true, but they they they know they
already pre way the fries and the dump it, so
they do you think you're getting more, but it's actually
what they were going to give you. So it's not
like I wasn't like, oh, it's such a sweet treat
(04:09):
because I'm always when I go to McDonald's, I get
a small, I get a medium, and I get a
large fry. They used to have bucket of fries at
McDonald I don't know if you remember that. They have
a bucket of fries at mickey D's and I would
get the bucking just soup that up, you know, and
that was really good because of McDonald's French fries good
for about twenty eight seconds. They're good for about twenty
(04:31):
eight years. My man, I don't know if you know
the chemistry in them, but yeah, it's uh so then
fries Suggestions Cigar gathered from this thir emails from our
Patreon v I p s to become a patients part
of the show and enjoy its content another perk such
as video of five guys. Please go head on over
today and paid here dot com slash Alchemy. That is,
(04:54):
if you'd like to submit a scene suggestion via email,
Please write to the podcast and our spanking new email
address Alchemy This email at gmail dot com. That's alchemymail.
(05:16):
Seen one comes from Christine, who wrote Pavlov's Dog meets
Shroddinger's Cat For those of you who aren't hip to
Schrodinger or his cat. Uh, it refers to a thought
experiment he proposed. He's a renowned physicist, Irving Shroudinger, and
(05:38):
uh he wanted to illustrate the weirdness of quantum theory.
Please don't talk to Kevin. Okay, we know this, pets.
It's a beautiful uh bell you have here on the door.
Oh Dann, thank thank you so much. Coming, come on in,
(06:00):
come on. What what can I do for you? Sir?
The beautiful bell? My dog? It's uh this bell your dog?
Your dog is are drooling all over the floor. Business
it's lenoly. I mean it's easy to clean. Huh, it
is easy to clear you. Could you please stop ringing
(06:24):
the bell? Uh? Sorry, you know it's every time someone
comes in the door, the bell rings. It's I'm sorry,
I didn't know there was a customer in front of me.
I have here a pet? Carry is there a pets
in the carrier. I mean, I clearly hear him. It
sounds like a living cat inside of a cat um.
(06:51):
Excuse me? Could you please stop stop just ringing the
bell indiscriminately, indiscriminately. Every time I ring this bell, something happens. Yes,
the same thing happens every time your your dog is
drooling all over the floor. And do you want to
get him a treat or something? Let me get him
a treat. Here? Here, here, here, here, here, here's a
(07:15):
couple of milk phones. Here's a couple of milk phones. No, well,
I hate to tell you he came a little late.
We are closing up shop for good. I will not
be making bells. We will not be selling bells. We're done.
It's a digital age, it's a new age. We saw
we got a couple of bells in the back. But
that's about it. We are Look, I'm fine with this,
but if Mr Pavlov comes in here, it's gonna be
(07:37):
your ass, buddy. And I got to tell you, I
don't know if you know this terminology, but your ass
will be grass at that point in what capacity? No,
he'll cut it like he would grass with ashmoret we
gotta save the business. There's gonna be some way. First.
You don't even work here, dude, you just live here. Okay,
(07:58):
you live here because you clean this up, you can
still live in this empty space. Oh for real. I
have something i'd like to say about that strange looking
fella living in this building that I have a choir. Wops,
he's gonna need to jump through. First of all, is
(08:21):
an ear ring right there on my wife's here. What's
going on? What's going on here? This man who lives
here needs to jump through my wife's whop? You alright? Dead?
Bail is so tiny, i'd need to shrink or something.
(08:41):
I don't have this. I don't know the technology myself.
That's you, that's what you're thinking about. Look, look this
is that's why we gotta checked on this old place. Okay,
all right, nobody wants bells anymore. You can tell Pa
Lave or whatever the listen, but maybe he can get
a digital bell. I'll go talk to Mr pav Law.
But let me let me, let me let me explain
(09:02):
something to you. Your but, your your but will be
equal to hardly see it, your asses. Let me call
Mr Pablaw. Hold on, just yeah, buddy. I mean, I'm
looking at the floor here. Uh, this this stain. I
don't know what it is. I'm not judging. I'm just
saying it's not gonna come out. I know it's a linoleum,
but it's just not coming out. It's what you mean,
(09:23):
it's not gonna come out. It's it's p drool, It's
it's something. I don't know what it is. It's there's
a pet store. There's always puddles around. Hey, look, Timothy,
if you're gonna own pets, you need to realize where
liquids come out of them. Now. I know that. I
read in your Pet Owner's Manual and I'm I'm reading
(09:44):
page one and a half. P tends to come from
a dog's mouth. Yeah, that's that's. Look. I was having
a real stressful day. This is my first time working
in a pet store. I got some of the answers confused.
I'm sorry I screwed up. I know where pe comes
out of obviously everybody does. I'm not stalling, and I
(10:10):
guess it was just like, you know, a rocky childhood
probably leads to the choices I'm making now, right, say so,
Mr Dr schrod Marks, what are you doing here, dude,
I'm here seeing my therapist Dr Schrodinger. First I thought
you around. You gotta be so much for us to
see the chef. Just so you know, I'm charging you
(10:30):
double for this. Fine. So I don't know. I guess,
I guess. I don't. Do you have any kind of experiment?
You can do it? Look, here's here's here's what, here's
what I'm what I'm getting do. I don't know what
you do? Real skull. I am a theoretical physicist. Okay,
so how's that? Not not a therapist? But it's not
(10:52):
a therapist. You called? You called me? You know. I
always need a little more cash on hands, you know.
And so what your deal? What's your process? Do you
have a cat? All right, that's a good question. Do
I do I have a cat? At least? The cuts?
Alive or dead? What? This? This is my favorite? This
(11:14):
is my favorite? Is mine cut alive or dead? Answer
the question for the last for the last question, is
his cat he alive or be dead? Now you may
(11:35):
phone a fread Okay, I'm going to phone my witness
is crazy. We haven't talked in about the years, but
we were childhood friends. What you guys meet at elementary school.
Read elementary school in the northern California Bear his name
is Dave And anyways, let's let's get him on the line.
(11:59):
All right, we don't We don't have it, you say,
let's get him on the line. We don't have your
friend's number. Your friend, No, I don't know how to
get ahold of Dave? Hello? Wait, David? Who fun is this?
David's Ronnie? Ronnie? Who? Who the fund is this? Huh?
Ronnie Timmerson and Dave? You're live on who wants to
(12:19):
be a trillionaire? Oh? I'm live you see my asshole? Hey,
stop calling this fucking number. Okay, so that was who
was that baby? Come back to bed, goes fucking callers
call him my phone. You were just kissing me so sweetly,
Get back to the kissing gosh, I'm all my now. Yeah,
(12:42):
I'm just gonna work out down stairs. God damn it.
Hi are you Dr Shroudinger the theoretical therapist? Uh ah,
a friend of mine, A friend of mine gave you
gave a recommendation. I just I just I just really
(13:05):
needed to talk to someone. When when there is a
recommendation that creates an actual schroding Or who is a therapist.
But also there was another shroding Or out there somewhere
it was maybe not a therapist. I have a wager
with my friend Pascal on this very subject. Can can
I can I talk to the one who who is
a therapist? Though you were positive? They yeah, that's positive.
(13:27):
You are the therapist schroding? H is anything positive? I
mean no, I don't. I don't know. I don't know
where fluids come from in animals. Uh, tommy, this uh
this is a pc positive. You have a dog urine
thrown into your body? Oh god, how long do I have? Oh? Uh?
(13:55):
Oh my god, my god. I caught you in time.
Dr Michaels, I'm so sorry. I caught you the wrong
test results. These are his test results. Oh my god,
I gave you the test results of a purpose mine
is Oh my god. Then that then that is normal.
Then there's dog urine in porpoises. That um, yeah, So
(14:16):
we looked at your porpoises insides as you. Um are
you keeping the porpoise with other animals in the home?
Not with other animals? There are only the porpoises in
a tank filled with dog urine, but not with other animals.
H but what is it? Well, it's just that we
(14:38):
found a lot of dog earine in the porpoises bloodstream,
and now that makes sense. You should keep them in
a table of dog here. Okay, the next question, where
are you getting all those dog here? You'll want to
speak to a friend of mine. Whoa you just got dark?
Why do you put the sunglasses on? Oh you'll know
you just took am. So talk to Pablo. If you
(15:00):
say that every time the bell rings, your dogs p yes,
And I collect the urine and sell it. Mm hmm
profitable not this is good. This is good. I think
white waste, white waste waste. I have so many side
hustles going on as well. Oh my god, I'm just
(15:22):
raking in the cash. It's nuts. You have to say
this because just do do not make money? Interrupt. But
you do like to hear specials or just like to
put in a drink order. I'm happy to hear the specials, Honestly,
I'd like to hear the specials. When you suggested that
there were specials that created a universe in which specials existed,
(15:46):
I want to live in that universe, all right. It
is the one way to say yes, we have a
tune of fish on rye that comes with the cheddar
cheese or a Swiss cheese. We also have dolphin burgers
this fine day, which I'm m mine. If you got
a little on your sorry, did you call me? Somebody
call my mind? Uh? This? Uh? This gentleman over here?
(16:11):
Did uh? Is your name? My mind? Yeah? Did somebody
call me? That's w Yeah? What do you mean? I'm sorry?
I was trying to enjoy point that I said your name,
you would come to me? Well, I've come. If you
don't mind, I'm going to go back and sit down
and enjoy my dolphinburger. You see, there's one recommendation. Who
(16:34):
who was that over there calling for you? Do you
know him? M hmm. I was enjoying my dolphinburger. You know.
When I'm face down in the dolphinburger, I don't want
to be disturbed. Look double m I get it, But
I just want to know, like how everybody in this
town seems to know you. It's like every I mean
just I'm not saying it's frustrating, but it's frustrating. Everywhere
we go people are calling your name. Didn't have a
(16:57):
past that that kind of is where I would get in.
So so you grilled Mikey Maki and couldn't get any
answers out of her. You grilled Mockey Mackey. I mean
she was she was a tough fraud. I'm not gonna
lie to you, but she on the end, she had
very little to say. D n Ni ning Hi, I'm
(17:21):
with I'm with the government. Hold on, let me clean
this mouth. Pee up while you're talking. What's up? Well?
I got some bad news for you. We're gonna have
to close this shop down. What Dave's gonna be so mad?
Who's Dave? Dave of Dave's pets? What do you mean
we're his name's on the door. Uh huh uh huh.
And where can we find this Dave of Dave's pets?
(17:44):
You don't have to find Dave. I'd love to live here.
And I've seen one. Oh man seem to come from
from patrem v I P Bister who wrote you guys
(18:07):
are great. I have a request please a prosthetics prostetist.
Prostetis Yeah, secretly adds next level high tech features to
their patient's new limb. Shout out to my beautiful wife
who turned me onto the alchemy this years ago. I
haven't missed an episode since, Bister. I know it's um
(18:31):
maybe considered cheating, but like, but fighting is my passion.
And all I want to do is when you're sitting
that dog, I mean I do, I do understand it
from a molecular level. I'll tell you what, Why don't
you jump up on the table there. Let's take a look,
all right. I say when people told me that the
most high tech doctor lives and works in a barn, right,
(18:56):
I was skeptical. You were thrown You were thrown by
that where you was thrown by that never looking booked
by its horse. Uh well, that meat cap looks like burgers,
raw burgers, so that's gonna have to come off. I'm
looking for fists of fury. Okay, well then you can
understand what I'm saying. Well, I don't know what, Bessie does.
(19:22):
You want fists the fury? You want to put your
fists through another man's face, that's all right? Yeah, And
I want you to be the one to give me
these new fists both hands, yes, please, So let me
get the straight. You went to a doctor and you
got what looks like really, I mean cartoonist wolf hands
put on. I don't understand. Why don't you understand, dude,
(19:43):
I told you the whole goddamn story. You you got
like furry fists. I don't get it. Well, you what
you're you're putting on an act. I'm more confused. I'm
more confused. You fucking no, dude. Hey, baby, looking at
that man with the furry fists. Look at it, man?
And do we have to about to eat? I said?
Can we stay at your place? In the beautiful night?
(20:04):
I wanted to go out? Alright? So here we are. Okay,
we're at five guys. I got ferry hands, but I
need a fight. You can still get me a fight, right, Yeah,
of course I can get you a fight. One of
the best promoters that I know. Now listen, all right,
we got tam. Step into the office. I want to
talk to you about this promoting you've been doing lately.
(20:28):
I saw your book of promoters that you know, and
you have yourself on page one, Line one said, you're
one of the best that you know. Yeah. The guy
out in the lobby, his name is Darryl. He has
a book of promoters that he knows. He claims that
he's one of the best that he knows. I've never
done this before, but I think it's time for a promote.
Off called for a funk with and who ship? Oh
(21:07):
did someone want to meet Darryl the promoter? Yeah, that's right.
You're starting at the bottom going all the way top
because I'm promoting you. Congratulations, You're the president of the
United States now, yeah, can we haven't want your promotion?
I'm you're the president now. Darryl the promoter out and unwillingly.
(21:30):
A new president has been elected in the United States.
His name is Darryl. Though little is known about him,
what is known is that he is not at all
thankful for the job. Will be yea, yeah, get get
up from behind the desk, keep mop, get the funk
out of here, all right, I'm sorry, I just I
(21:52):
just thought it'd be fun to stud be fun. Fun. Look, kid,
while we I are out, who's gonna promote the fight?
We still gotta train you, Okay. Now, I'm gonna be honest.
You do have wolf fans. You're still gonna have to
wear boxing gloves over the wolf fans. So I really
(22:13):
don't I don't see the advantage. Look, look, look, look,
I'm only here to be nice. Okay, people say that
you're one of the best trainers in the world. Blah
blah bla blah blah. Wanna best trainer in the world.
I know he says he's the best trainer. Oh did
somebody called for Darrell the trainer Daryl Daryl l And
(22:46):
for my show and Tell today. I brought my dad.
He works at the news station and he does all
kinds of important work and we wouldn't get the news
without my dad. Dad talk to the class. Hey, everybody,
I'm his dad. Uh I do work at the news station. Uh?
(23:08):
Well you do there. I'm a janitor. You wouldn't get
the news. It up. I'm a janitor, son, I didn't.
I promised myself two things when you were born. Number One,
that I would never sleep well again. That's on me.
I wanted not to sleep well. Number Two, that I
would never lie to you. You've never asked me my
job at the news station, but I'm here to tell
(23:29):
you today I'm a janet. Were you there when the
murder happened? Not only was I there when the murder happened,
but the murder I witnessed the murder. You saw the murder.
I saw, I literally saw it. I saw the murder. Okay,
all right, let's come down. Let's come down now. Who
has questions about the murder? I have a question. I
(23:50):
have nothing but answers about the murder. Go ahead. Did
you see who did it? And was it our teacher?
Because we don't like her it. I did see who.
I did see who did it, and it was not
your teacher? Are you You're not gonna be in it
on me? Kids? So still could have been her? Well
(24:11):
here I am back at the barn. Uh. Look, I
want to have these removed. You don't like your wolf hands? Now? No,
I don't like him, Like I told you before, your
knee capsure Hamburger. So maybe we focused there and then
we work our way to your hands. What what animal
would you like your hands to resemble? Human animal? Oh?
(24:31):
You want human hands? Yeah? Human hands? What am I
supposed to do with this? Huh? I mean instead of
the wolf hands? Now you've got tiny humans as your hands.
Doesn't make any sense? People hands love this just nuts.
This is and I'm also fighting the fucking US president
(24:51):
to do the best promoter. How am I supposed to
do that? Man? And yet he still couldn't have this
conversation at your place. It's a nice what is it
with you? A nice night? Look? And I don't care
if you got people on your hands. You're putting boxing
gloves over them, so it doesn't matter. But I'll kill him.
I'll kill him if I do that. When I want
(25:12):
you to talk with your fists. This is what I meant. Here.
We are fight night, and this is me live reporting
from the news room. Again. Two tiny people have died
of suffication inside the gloves of one of the fighters today.
The question, yes, yes, was it our teacher that did it?
(25:33):
It was? It was? It was not your teacher. It
was not your teacher. Could it be? It might? It
could be. Don't lead, Henry, Don't lead. I have a
podcast that puts on some alternate theories about the newsroom murders.
The number one the number one theory is that it's
Mrs Arba Gas look on this season is of his
(26:01):
you got right. Let me tell you this. Please listen,
listen when you recall voice over Darrell the President of
the United States and promotion, You're welcome to try this job.
But I gotta tell you. When he said on this
(26:22):
season is if it was perfect, Okay, I don't need that.
I don't need that. You know, you don't have to
I don't need that. No, No, if it was perfect,
Darrell knows when Darrel's been beat, Darrel's just gonna go
back to the Oval office. That's not how I want
to win. Okay, that's not how I want to win. Look,
(26:45):
you really were perfect. I wasn't saying that for the
benefit of you or Darryl these years. I don't want
shoes on me right now, Okay, okay, you're your own person.
We just Look, that's not how I want to win.
I love my real hands back. Okay. I kept him
(27:05):
in case this happened because they always want them back.
So yes, sir, did you want to pick? Well, I
don't know what to tell you, right, I mean, there's
no way you can fight. You got your hands back.
But I mean they're like four times the size. They're
filled with vinegar. I mean they're gonna pop if they anything.
(27:26):
I mean, there's sick. I can't believe what outside with you.
You have a home, dude, do you have I'm retiring
for boxing, kid, I I just I can't. I can't
do this. Wait wait, wait, wait, wait out, no, no,
suck on this finger real quick, tell me what you think. Okay,
welcome back to the five Plot news. We have devastating news.
(27:50):
One of the mediocre fight promoters have just died of
high sailine and are sodium chloride intake from sucking on brine.
We have two witnesses to that. If I can get
you to come over, son, Son, could you uh step
up to the microphone? Okay, okay, Hey, congratulations on your promotion.
(28:16):
Thanks a lot. I was. I went from janitor the
guy you see dude, somebody safe? Oh dare with the
promotersay that has seen too seen? To Oh mommy C
(28:44):
three comes to us patron v I P Haven How
do you volks? Let's get straight to the scene. The
Department of Homeland Security investigates the X Games after getting
wind that all of the athletes are totally radical. Dude.
Cheers Haven a k A. The Real the Underscore, Real
Underscore have Underscore dog ps. Thanks to Joey and James
(29:06):
for having me on their live stream. Next time, I'll
try to actually be funny. P p s. Everyone listened
to The Comedy Fix. It's my favorite podcast favorite spelled
Oh you so I'm guessing Canadian fun topics include the
rule of three, the rule of zero, the rule of
negative one, numbers as human construct, how untrained improvisers sexually
(29:27):
assault each other. And that's just the first two episodes,
and our seriousness. It's very cool to hear the fellows
talk about and debate comedy theory, an interesting, informative and fun. Hey,
good commercial, not horrible. What was the scene Homeland Security
(29:48):
investigates radical Yes, that's your mission to you understand that? Okay? What? Please? Please?
May I read it again? Please, just to get it in.
I mean, he's probably the only one who wrote it down,
so I'd like to hear it again because actually the
doctor in the room, because a doctor outranks every military official.
(30:09):
Don't you understand that if a doctor says we can't
go in there, we can't go in there. So we've
got to be here. And this is what we're this
is what we we we we we are now. We're
investigating dudes at the X Games. This is who we
are now. It's happening on the land of our home,
isn't it. I got I got a question for you.
I got a question for you, Sarge. Do you think
it's possible when people say that the X games are radical,
(30:31):
that they're referring to radical more in the eighties BMX
sense of radical and not so much in the ISIS
or uh like, you know, anti American radicalization process version
of the word radical. Could you answer his question? Sorry, look,
I'm gonna be honest you. I'm gonna answer this questions. Hey,
what's up? I like your bike? Man looks cool? Thanks. Hey, listen,
(30:56):
I was thinking maybe we should keep this ship real
low pro this year. You know what I mean? I
hear or that they are sending fucking knarcs out sucking
undercover snipping around for some radical fucking dude, and they
better get ready for some axle grinders rock, take it down,
bring it down. Oh this is some serious ship. Man.
If they find out that you're an actual radical dude,
(31:16):
you're going away. I'm talking no half pipes, no quarter pipes,
no fool pipes, no pipeage. Z for sale? Hey, I
got some Z for sale? Either of you cats want
some Z that dude can't. Yes, I'll take a handful
of your ZZ over here there. How about you? How
(31:41):
about you tall glass of water? You want some Z? Yeah?
I'll take some ze. I'll take you will. All right, gentlemen,
this is an undercover operation. Don't don't this is an
undercover operation, right, Okay, can't harry in the bar, then
get closer. If this is an undercover operation, can you
You can come up by me, Mike, you can come
(32:02):
stand up by me if you want. Welcome to the
X Games registration. Please just tell me each of your
names and what sport you were competing in. We'll start
with you the silly hat please. I am their coach
and uh, we are all competing and they're all competing
in different events. Um, Xander here Xanders, Xander's Sander? Which
(32:25):
one Xander? Okay, Xander, Sander is gonna be doing? Okay,
here's your badge. Okay, we have over here, right over here.
This is Xander and he's going to be doing, Yeah, Xander,
(32:49):
and he's going to be doing, um, multiple cross a
motive crossing. I'm I'm Dr Thomas Bacon. That's Dr Thomas Bacon.
What's your hey, cool outfit? Bro? Aren't you worried that
(33:10):
your tie is gonna get caught in the spokes of
your bike? Though? No, I'm not worried at all, I'm
just doing rad rad radical, radical, Yeah, yeah, radical. I
mean I've never seen your team before, but I mean
the way you guys are in those matching suits and ties,
(33:31):
and the way that you're all in your at least
forty to fifty years old, you really stand up. Yeah,
thanks man. Well, you know it's important to stay athletic
as you get older. Andrews cantucky for a second. I'm
(33:52):
one of the Sanders too. I gotta go talk to him.
What are you doing? We gotta focus for these events.
Tell us me's gonna have fake names focusing on the events. Right.
We have to place? Okay, wait, why do we have
to play? How does and I know that you went
over this last night, but I was literally doing something else.
(34:12):
How does placing help us investigate these guys based on
our intel in front of the spies we got inside here,
the top placers are going to be having a communal meeting,
a dinner if you will. Outside it's beautiful. This has
nothing to do with your overwhelming competitive spirit that we've
(34:32):
all been talking about for years. Not at all. And
make some noise for Mikey Rock. Okay, coming up next,
we got Zender now, Anders coming out of location unknown.
But he's been writing for writing unknown. Well, it doesn't
matter if he's here to make some noise. He's got
a tie on. Give it up here he go. That
(34:59):
is a rot of called radical movies pulling out there
right now and speaking of radical, just want to make
sure everyone got their tickets for later on tonight when
we're all gonna go down deep in the bunker and
talk about the new world Order. All right, ex gamers,
Welcome to the Top Placers Communal Dinner. This is an
(35:19):
annual tradition here. Of course, this is on the honor system.
You know whether you were a top place or not.
We know whether you're a top place er. We've got
a spread of food here that's available to everyone as
long as you were a top placer. Basically just one second,
hey boss, Hey boss, it seems like we could have
just claimed that we were top places and we didn't
(35:40):
even have to go to the whole motocross this year.
Oh yeah, we didn't have to go to because you
got second. You know what that does to me, what
that looks like on the department. I'm not normally a
motocross guy. No ship, no ship in an entire world
of motocross. All right, so now I think we should
(36:01):
probably get to what it is we do here at
these dinners. Yeah, let's start spilling all the secrets. Let's
put the communal and communal. Right, I'll go first. You
all know me, um, and I am a proud radical. Yeah.
(36:25):
Who's next? That's all I had? How about you? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah,
so I'm just a coach. Oh that I guess I'll
go next. My name is Xander. It's my first time
in the X Games. But let me I could have
(36:46):
gone next. No, no, no, you know what, you probably
should probably go next because I'm just chipping all over
my tongue. I got nothing, you got nothing, but you
just said you could have. Yeah. I just was excited
about maybe going because no one ever calls me. They
called the other guy in the hat. You know, I
(37:08):
got a pizza for Homeland Security. Why would holand Security
be here? Boss? Okay, thank god we got out of
that place, Thank god? Why then did you order pizza
when we were in a dinner place? I mean, we
would at a place to have dinner. Where's our metal?
(37:31):
What did it in the middle of that really exciting
thing that we just skipped right over there. Just happened.
Somebody lost our metal. God damnit, Sander, you play second
and then you lose the medal? Left it inside, boss,
I'll just crack out the old motor cycle. Oh, I'll
click up the motor cycle and I'll just ride back
(37:52):
in there and grab the medal off the table. I
think it was just do you think you can really
do that? Wow? That was crazy. I'm mean, we're all
just a couple of radical dudes here, and then we
had to have an actual shootout with actual government agents.
I'm pretty proud of us. It's the most exciting thing
that's ever happened. Super spectacular. Hey, can we just for
(38:13):
my own I'm just curious. It's wrong? What what's so
wrong about being a radical dude? Exactly? What's the crime
in that? I think, just like extremism in general is
always wrong because the next game sans for extreme games exactly? Yeah,
(38:36):
I forget it. Do you have another theory anything that'll
be better than that? Hold on, go ahead, smart guy. Yeah,
what's wait? What the how that little dude get in here?
(38:59):
My hand? My hand dude left right? Oh shit, that
fucking dude's hands just came to life. Just like fundamentalism
in general is just like always negative because you're always
like putting yourself again somebody else, especially with police systems
and whatnot. Right, I mean like games are all about
putting yourself against someone else. I know, but maybe sometimes
(39:21):
maybe the games aren't extreme. Maybe the games are okay,
like to nash Ram or a beach or a roof party,
but you know, maybe you're not built anymore. I just
asked him why we're in trouble. Okay, he's just trying
to explain. I don't think it feels that way necessarily
unless you do. But I'm still curious as to what
we're doing it wrong. Yeah, yeah, we all take a
(39:43):
little Z every now and then, so what who doesn't
I heard even the President takes I'd like to hear him.
What is so bad about I'm scared to give my bo?
Why did somebody say the president? Ding? Ding? He said
the president? Yeah, I'm here fighting radicalization and handing out z.
(40:07):
They're a buck a piece. Don't our taxes pay for that? Yeah?
They do. Darrell out who was that guy? He was?
He was? He was? Oh his name is Daryl's out
(40:29):
right cool? Anyways, Well it's it's super weird radical I know, right,
all right, we're the Monster Energy Tense. You know people
are gonna be coming over demanding those sixty four round
bottles of monster and probably some free mercher, right, So
(40:51):
just be chill about it and don't get worried. If
you get swarm, trust me that you've got some sweet
monster running through your veins. I don't care how big
a mob is, You'll be able to rip through any
human body. I guarantee you your own monster. Dude. Excuse me?
Is this the monster energy? Yeah, bitch, I'm looking for
the I'm looking for the bottle of water. Area, bottle
of water? Areahy, don't you go straight to fucking hell?
(41:13):
Got you and your face? Oh? Do you take your shirt? Us?
Just to clean all this stuff? This dog just peede
monster everywhere? All right? Oh god? Oh god? Yeah? Man,
(41:42):
I mean, I don't know what the hell is on
this Linoian floor, but it's sent in and it is
eating through it, all right, So it's acid base. Stand
they can talk. So I don't know where you want that.
That's that's is my cuts. That is my cuts. So
your cut, yeah, yeah, which seems very much alive? Can
you get it out of this? It is? I guess
we found an answer. That catch is alife? Yes, and
(42:02):
yeah it is? Man. What a scooping with your hands?
What a scooping with your hand? Is acid? All right?
Well I figured out? Oh god, can you not feel pain? Man?
Or what? Well? Homeland Security agents? I'm glad you all
found your way here and on time. You're usually pretty late.
(42:26):
You failed, huh? I got I got number two in
the moto grow. Yeah, and I'm looking at you, boss.
You fail. You know those little sunglasses you put on
when you get suntanned, Yeah, you know what I mean,
Like at the boot That's what I'm working eyeball. I
don't know what they're called. Yeah, little things. You failed.
(42:50):
But I missed the connection to those little glasses around
the eyeballs. I was taking them off to look him
in the eyes, look the director of the eyes and
know their name? Are you guys all high on? See you?
What the hell is going on here? We are totally
Sander got it for us. Apparently you got it for
the president or something. Some ship just throwing him out Pitsna.
(43:16):
Those are the glasses They just go on your nose, right,
those are pint snare all fired. Okay a matter of fact,
we're not closing down the homeland security branch of the government.
You can do that a whole cabinet branch. Talk to
Darrell about it. He'll tell you all about it. Don't
(43:39):
summon by the show for today can inspired. Let's thank
(44:03):
all of our alchemists thanks to returning champion Mark Gagliardi,
markin thanks for having me. Is up? What is happening?
What are the latest? What can you tell us? I am?
I am back in Los Angeles. Uh waiting anxiously the
dropping of season two of Blood and Treasure coming to
television's this summer. Uh. We don't have an air date yet,
(44:27):
but I'm very excited for it, just for everybody. Let's
call it the summer summer twenty one, Summer twenty one,
that's what we're doing. And we've got We've got Uh.
I don't know this is gonna have already happened. We
just did a great thrilling adventure our show on Saturday,
Craig and I. Where can folks find that? It must
be uh be on How Seats Live, How Seats Dot Live.
(44:50):
So we're gonna find all of those. They keep that
in archives and folks can take a book. Yeah, how
seats live? All right? Uh, Craig, you want a piggyback
on the Thrilling Adventure. I think everything he said is true. Yeah,
the shows are available for a couple of weeks after
they air live for purchase. And what about the part
(45:13):
about him being back in Los Angeles? Can you I
cannot confirm that. I mean, there appears to be some
sun in his window, but that really could be anywhere,
good point, anywhere? Her son? All right? And Gary Anthony Williams, Yes,
I have I have a new show called Blood or
(45:34):
Treasure that will be we'd like to have people choices
that will be out this Uh this just call it
a game show. We think, we think so, but we're
not quite sure what it is yet. You're gonna you're
gonna love it. So you're gonna win the treasure or
(45:56):
cough up some blood? Blood? I love it. That's on
sexy and exciting. Chris. Are you telling me Mark that's
not of one of those virtual backgrounds. That's an that's
your actual home. This, Yeah, this is my actual home.
Did you think this was virtual? It looks so fair.
(46:18):
That's crazy. Look. For those of you who are Patreon subscriber,
you gotta see that moment. It just happened because Mark
the entire time, I was thinking, that's a nice virtual background.
You just haven't turned out. You just have a nice home. Thanks.
That's it, that's all I got. I appreciate that because
I'm not sure enough people are understood the benefits from
(46:41):
being a Patron supporter, and now they do. Now they know,
so thank you for that. Uh, Joey Greer. Uh, this
is also real, this is not virtual. Everything behind me,
So you see you here abound MTV spring can you
run back? And right now? So I cast performance. So
(47:01):
we're just kind of still performing somewhere MTV spring Break
here and U Daytona. It's sick, uh, but it's always
it's great, it's always sick. Well, thank you also, damn much.
It's great to see your faces. And let's thank our
(47:22):
producer and engineer of the Starmers, Mr Doug Bayne. Fine,
folks that I heart media. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock
reminding you to please be kind to each other and
thank you for all of your ears and supportive nature
regarding this particular podcast. It means a great deal to
me and some of the others, not all of them.
(47:45):
Um yeah, that's it until next time. He
Welcome back to other episode of A Dish and your
host Kevin Paul is back. My favorite card. Yeah it's
the seventh space my least favorite card showing. But I digress.
Let's meet our alchemist Shallow we overt order. Please say
good afternoon to Priss alorado Lean, but never mean. What's
(00:24):
the time of day or night that feels the calmness
to you? Eight am. That's right, that's a good one.
Thank you my dogs and sleeping later than I have,
so I have that moment in bed where I'm just alone,
uh huh, thinking right, it feels nice throughout the word calm,
(00:48):
you know. Then you get up, you know what I mean,
and then your day really starts, and then here comes
the judgments and self doubt and you go on to
Gary Anthony Williams Instagram like, oh he's having fun. A
lot of cool actor friends in him are having fun,
you know what I mean, And it's like and then
it just like doesn't feel that good anymore. So definitely
eight am before the world has let me know that
I'm nobody. Okay, that is the correct answer at all
(01:09):
that down here, and thank you for it. Hey, it's
Gary Anthony Wood the aforementioned Gary Anthony wins g a dub.
How much time have you spent at c wow? Uh
not nearly seriously And I know I like to come
in here and play a lot of grab ass ree
and joking around. But not nearly enough, buddy, not nearly enough.
(01:32):
My father was in the military. Uh yeah, you know
that you have more than anybody, you know that. And
uh so that said, yeah, yeah, thank you. And now
Craig Katkowski with his streaming donc you series review corner
(01:54):
Kevin streaming doc You series review yesterday, Sasquatch came out Hulu.
Very excited for that. It's streaming. It's multiple episodes. Uh
possibly involves uh the Pacific Northwest hominid creature known as
Bigfoot colloquially or sasquatch too serious cryptozoologists. It's I have
(02:19):
clicked on at it to my page on Hulu, Yes,
and I I realized I was supposed to have it
watched in time for this review. That has not happened.
Has not happened. My cue is scarily full. Appreciate all
the preamble and no review whatsoever, and now please welcome
back house. Fav Mark Gangliardi, Hello, Hr gags and stuff.
(02:45):
Tell us about that time you were doing Shakespeare and
it did not turn out his plan. Well, I was.
I was doing Romeo and Juliet like I do. Uh,
in the role of Juliette like I do. And there's
that final scene where I I wake up and Romeo
(03:06):
has you know, already drank the potion from the true
apothecary whose drugs are quick. Um. But the the actor
playing Romeo in this prediction particular production had left a
little bit of the poison still in the bottle. So
when I went to take that sip and find that,
you know, the poison is all gone, you know gone
and left no drop for me. Uh, there was actually
(03:27):
a drop that had been left for me, and uh.
I spent three weeks in the hospital. Thank you for
sharing all of that. That was rough, true story, true story,
and last but no five guys Fries for you. If
you think of Leasa, it's Joey Greer Cad your dodger.
What was your experience like aboard their ship. I'm gonna
(03:48):
pause that question and go to the five guys Fries
and tro Man. I love five guys from this is
Fries on you and now this is what I heard.
This is probably true, but they they they know they
already pre way the fries and the dump it, so
they do you think you're getting more, but it's actually
what they were going to give you. So it's not
like I wasn't like, oh, it's such a sweet treat
(04:09):
because I'm always when I go to McDonald's, I get
a small, I get a medium, and I get a
large fry. They used to have bucket of fries at
McDonald I don't know if you remember that. They have
a bucket of fries at mickey D's and I would
get the bucking just soup that up, you know, and
that was really good because of McDonald's French fries good
for about twenty eight seconds. They're good for about twenty
(04:31):
eight years. My man, I don't know if you know
the chemistry in them, but yeah, it's uh so then
fries Suggestions Cigar gathered from this thir emails from our
Patreon v I p s to become a patients part
of the show and enjoy its content another perk such
as video of five guys. Please go head on over
today and paid here dot com slash Alchemy. That is,
(04:54):
if you'd like to submit a scene suggestion via email,
Please write to the podcast and our spanking new email
address Alchemy This email at gmail dot com. That's alchemymail.
(05:16):
Seen one comes from Christine, who wrote Pavlov's Dog meets
Shroddinger's Cat For those of you who aren't hip to
Schrodinger or his cat. Uh, it refers to a thought
experiment he proposed. He's a renowned physicist, Irving Shroudinger, and
(05:38):
uh he wanted to illustrate the weirdness of quantum theory.
Please don't talk to Kevin. Okay, we know this, pets.
It's a beautiful uh bell you have here on the door.
Oh Dann, thank thank you so much. Coming, come on in,
(06:00):
come on. What what can I do for you? Sir?
The beautiful bell? My dog? It's uh this bell your dog?
Your dog is are drooling all over the floor. Business
it's lenoly. I mean it's easy to clean. Huh, it
is easy to clear you. Could you please stop ringing
(06:24):
the bell? Uh? Sorry, you know it's every time someone
comes in the door, the bell rings. It's I'm sorry,
I didn't know there was a customer in front of me.
I have here a pet? Carry is there a pets
in the carrier. I mean, I clearly hear him. It
sounds like a living cat inside of a cat um.
(06:51):
Excuse me? Could you please stop stop just ringing the
bell indiscriminately, indiscriminately. Every time I ring this bell, something happens. Yes,
the same thing happens every time your your dog is
drooling all over the floor. And do you want to
get him a treat or something? Let me get him
a treat. Here? Here, here, here, here, here, here's a
(07:15):
couple of milk phones. Here's a couple of milk phones. No, well,
I hate to tell you he came a little late.
We are closing up shop for good. I will not
be making bells. We will not be selling bells. We're done.
It's a digital age, it's a new age. We saw
we got a couple of bells in the back. But
that's about it. We are Look, I'm fine with this,
but if Mr Pavlov comes in here, it's gonna be
(07:37):
your ass, buddy. And I got to tell you, I
don't know if you know this terminology, but your ass
will be grass at that point in what capacity? No,
he'll cut it like he would grass with ashmoret we
gotta save the business. There's gonna be some way. First.
You don't even work here, dude, you just live here. Okay,
(07:58):
you live here because you clean this up, you can
still live in this empty space. Oh for real. I
have something i'd like to say about that strange looking
fella living in this building that I have a choir. Wops,
he's gonna need to jump through. First of all, is
(08:21):
an ear ring right there on my wife's here. What's
going on? What's going on here? This man who lives
here needs to jump through my wife's whop? You alright? Dead?
Bail is so tiny, i'd need to shrink or something.
(08:41):
I don't have this. I don't know the technology myself.
That's you, that's what you're thinking about. Look, look this
is that's why we gotta checked on this old place. Okay,
all right, nobody wants bells anymore. You can tell Pa
Lave or whatever the listen, but maybe he can get
a digital bell. I'll go talk to Mr pav Law.
But let me let me, let me let me explain
(09:02):
something to you. Your but, your your but will be
equal to hardly see it, your asses. Let me call
Mr Pablaw. Hold on, just yeah, buddy. I mean, I'm
looking at the floor here. Uh, this this stain. I
don't know what it is. I'm not judging. I'm just
saying it's not gonna come out. I know it's a linoleum,
but it's just not coming out. It's what you mean,
(09:23):
it's not gonna come out. It's it's p drool, It's
it's something. I don't know what it is. It's there's
a pet store. There's always puddles around. Hey, look, Timothy,
if you're gonna own pets, you need to realize where
liquids come out of them. Now. I know that. I
read in your Pet Owner's Manual and I'm I'm reading
(09:44):
page one and a half. P tends to come from
a dog's mouth. Yeah, that's that's. Look. I was having
a real stressful day. This is my first time working
in a pet store. I got some of the answers confused.
I'm sorry I screwed up. I know where pe comes
out of obviously everybody does. I'm not stalling, and I
(10:10):
guess it was just like, you know, a rocky childhood
probably leads to the choices I'm making now, right, say so,
Mr Dr schrod Marks, what are you doing here, dude,
I'm here seeing my therapist Dr Schrodinger. First I thought
you around. You gotta be so much for us to
see the chef. Just so you know, I'm charging you
(10:30):
double for this. Fine. So I don't know. I guess,
I guess. I don't. Do you have any kind of experiment?
You can do it? Look, here's here's here's what, here's
what I'm what I'm getting do. I don't know what
you do? Real skull. I am a theoretical physicist. Okay,
so how's that? Not not a therapist? But it's not
(10:52):
a therapist. You called? You called me? You know. I
always need a little more cash on hands, you know.
And so what your deal? What's your process? Do you
have a cat? All right, that's a good question. Do
I do I have a cat? At least? The cuts?
Alive or dead? What? This? This is my favorite? This
(11:14):
is my favorite? Is mine cut alive or dead? Answer
the question for the last for the last question, is
his cat he alive or be dead? Now you may
(11:35):
phone a fread Okay, I'm going to phone my witness
is crazy. We haven't talked in about the years, but
we were childhood friends. What you guys meet at elementary school.
Read elementary school in the northern California Bear his name
is Dave And anyways, let's let's get him on the line.
(11:59):
All right, we don't We don't have it, you say,
let's get him on the line. We don't have your
friend's number. Your friend, No, I don't know how to
get ahold of Dave? Hello? Wait, David? Who fun is this?
David's Ronnie? Ronnie? Who? Who the fund is this? Huh?
Ronnie Timmerson and Dave? You're live on who wants to
(12:19):
be a trillionaire? Oh? I'm live you see my asshole? Hey,
stop calling this fucking number. Okay, so that was who
was that baby? Come back to bed, goes fucking callers
call him my phone. You were just kissing me so sweetly,
Get back to the kissing gosh, I'm all my now. Yeah,
(12:42):
I'm just gonna work out down stairs. God damn it.
Hi are you Dr Shroudinger the theoretical therapist? Uh ah,
a friend of mine, A friend of mine gave you
gave a recommendation. I just I just I just really
(13:05):
needed to talk to someone. When when there is a
recommendation that creates an actual schroding Or who is a therapist.
But also there was another shroding Or out there somewhere
it was maybe not a therapist. I have a wager
with my friend Pascal on this very subject. Can can
I can I talk to the one who who is
a therapist? Though you were positive? They yeah, that's positive.
(13:27):
You are the therapist schroding? H is anything positive? I
mean no, I don't. I don't know. I don't know
where fluids come from in animals. Uh, tommy, this uh
this is a pc positive. You have a dog urine
thrown into your body? Oh god, how long do I have? Oh? Uh?
(13:55):
Oh my god, my god. I caught you in time.
Dr Michaels, I'm so sorry. I caught you the wrong
test results. These are his test results. Oh my god,
I gave you the test results of a purpose mine
is Oh my god. Then that then that is normal.
Then there's dog urine in porpoises. That um, yeah, So
(14:16):
we looked at your porpoises insides as you. Um are
you keeping the porpoise with other animals in the home?
Not with other animals? There are only the porpoises in
a tank filled with dog urine, but not with other animals.
H but what is it? Well, it's just that we
(14:38):
found a lot of dog earine in the porpoises bloodstream,
and now that makes sense. You should keep them in
a table of dog here. Okay, the next question, where
are you getting all those dog here? You'll want to
speak to a friend of mine. Whoa you just got dark?
Why do you put the sunglasses on? Oh you'll know
you just took am. So talk to Pablo. If you
(15:00):
say that every time the bell rings, your dogs p yes,
And I collect the urine and sell it. Mm hmm
profitable not this is good. This is good. I think
white waste, white waste waste. I have so many side
hustles going on as well. Oh my god, I'm just
(15:22):
raking in the cash. It's nuts. You have to say
this because just do do not make money? Interrupt. But
you do like to hear specials or just like to
put in a drink order. I'm happy to hear the specials, Honestly,
I'd like to hear the specials. When you suggested that
there were specials that created a universe in which specials existed,
(15:46):
I want to live in that universe, all right. It
is the one way to say yes, we have a
tune of fish on rye that comes with the cheddar
cheese or a Swiss cheese. We also have dolphin burgers
this fine day, which I'm m mine. If you got
a little on your sorry, did you call me? Somebody
call my mind? Uh? This? Uh? This gentleman over here?
(16:11):
Did uh? Is your name? My mind? Yeah? Did somebody
call me? That's w Yeah? What do you mean? I'm sorry?
I was trying to enjoy point that I said your name,
you would come to me? Well, I've come. If you
don't mind, I'm going to go back and sit down
and enjoy my dolphinburger. You see, there's one recommendation. Who
(16:34):
who was that over there calling for you? Do you
know him? M hmm. I was enjoying my dolphinburger. You know.
When I'm face down in the dolphinburger, I don't want
to be disturbed. Look double m I get it, But
I just want to know, like how everybody in this
town seems to know you. It's like every I mean
just I'm not saying it's frustrating, but it's frustrating. Everywhere
we go people are calling your name. Didn't have a
(16:57):
past that that kind of is where I would get in.
So so you grilled Mikey Maki and couldn't get any
answers out of her. You grilled Mockey Mackey. I mean
she was she was a tough fraud. I'm not gonna
lie to you, but she on the end, she had
very little to say. D n Ni ning Hi, I'm
(17:21):
with I'm with the government. Hold on, let me clean
this mouth. Pee up while you're talking. What's up? Well?
I got some bad news for you. We're gonna have
to close this shop down. What Dave's gonna be so mad?
Who's Dave? Dave of Dave's pets? What do you mean
we're his name's on the door. Uh huh uh huh.
And where can we find this Dave of Dave's pets?
(17:44):
You don't have to find Dave. I'd love to live here.
And I've seen one. Oh man seem to come from
from patrem v I P Bister who wrote you guys
(18:07):
are great. I have a request please a prosthetics prostetist.
Prostetis Yeah, secretly adds next level high tech features to
their patient's new limb. Shout out to my beautiful wife
who turned me onto the alchemy this years ago. I
haven't missed an episode since, Bister. I know it's um
(18:31):
maybe considered cheating, but like, but fighting is my passion.
And all I want to do is when you're sitting
that dog, I mean I do, I do understand it
from a molecular level. I'll tell you what, Why don't
you jump up on the table there. Let's take a look,
all right. I say when people told me that the
most high tech doctor lives and works in a barn, right,
(18:56):
I was skeptical. You were thrown You were thrown by
that where you was thrown by that never looking booked
by its horse. Uh well, that meat cap looks like burgers,
raw burgers, so that's gonna have to come off. I'm
looking for fists of fury. Okay, well then you can
understand what I'm saying. Well, I don't know what, Bessie does.
(19:22):
You want fists the fury? You want to put your
fists through another man's face, that's all right? Yeah, And
I want you to be the one to give me
these new fists both hands, yes, please, So let me
get the straight. You went to a doctor and you
got what looks like really, I mean cartoonist wolf hands
put on. I don't understand. Why don't you understand, dude,
(19:43):
I told you the whole goddamn story. You you got
like furry fists. I don't get it. Well, you what
you're you're putting on an act. I'm more confused. I'm
more confused. You fucking no, dude. Hey, baby, looking at
that man with the furry fists. Look at it, man?
And do we have to about to eat? I said?
Can we stay at your place? In the beautiful night?
(20:04):
I wanted to go out? Alright? So here we are. Okay,
we're at five guys. I got ferry hands, but I
need a fight. You can still get me a fight, right, Yeah,
of course I can get you a fight. One of
the best promoters that I know. Now listen, all right,
we got tam. Step into the office. I want to
talk to you about this promoting you've been doing lately.
(20:28):
I saw your book of promoters that you know, and
you have yourself on page one, Line one said, you're
one of the best that you know. Yeah. The guy
out in the lobby, his name is Darryl. He has
a book of promoters that he knows. He claims that
he's one of the best that he knows. I've never
done this before, but I think it's time for a promote.
Off called for a funk with and who ship? Oh
(21:07):
did someone want to meet Darryl the promoter? Yeah, that's right.
You're starting at the bottom going all the way top
because I'm promoting you. Congratulations, You're the president of the
United States now, yeah, can we haven't want your promotion?
I'm you're the president now. Darryl the promoter out and unwillingly.
(21:30):
A new president has been elected in the United States.
His name is Darryl. Though little is known about him,
what is known is that he is not at all
thankful for the job. Will be yea, yeah, get get
up from behind the desk, keep mop, get the funk
out of here, all right, I'm sorry, I just I
(21:52):
just thought it'd be fun to stud be fun. Fun. Look, kid,
while we I are out, who's gonna promote the fight?
We still gotta train you, Okay. Now, I'm gonna be honest.
You do have wolf fans. You're still gonna have to
wear boxing gloves over the wolf fans. So I really
(22:13):
don't I don't see the advantage. Look, look, look, look,
I'm only here to be nice. Okay, people say that
you're one of the best trainers in the world. Blah
blah bla blah blah. Wanna best trainer in the world.
I know he says he's the best trainer. Oh did
somebody called for Darrell the trainer Daryl Daryl l And
(22:46):
for my show and Tell today. I brought my dad.
He works at the news station and he does all
kinds of important work and we wouldn't get the news
without my dad. Dad talk to the class. Hey, everybody,
I'm his dad. Uh I do work at the news station. Uh?
(23:08):
Well you do there. I'm a janitor. You wouldn't get
the news. It up. I'm a janitor, son, I didn't.
I promised myself two things when you were born. Number One,
that I would never sleep well again. That's on me.
I wanted not to sleep well. Number Two, that I
would never lie to you. You've never asked me my
job at the news station, but I'm here to tell
(23:29):
you today I'm a janet. Were you there when the
murder happened? Not only was I there when the murder happened,
but the murder I witnessed the murder. You saw the murder.
I saw, I literally saw it. I saw the murder. Okay,
all right, let's come down. Let's come down now. Who
has questions about the murder? I have a question. I
(23:50):
have nothing but answers about the murder. Go ahead. Did
you see who did it? And was it our teacher?
Because we don't like her it. I did see who.
I did see who did it, and it was not
your teacher? Are you You're not gonna be in it
on me? Kids? So still could have been her? Well
(24:11):
here I am back at the barn. Uh. Look, I
want to have these removed. You don't like your wolf hands? Now? No,
I don't like him, Like I told you before, your
knee capsure Hamburger. So maybe we focused there and then
we work our way to your hands. What what animal
would you like your hands to resemble? Human animal? Oh?
(24:31):
You want human hands? Yeah? Human hands? What am I
supposed to do with this? Huh? I mean instead of
the wolf hands? Now you've got tiny humans as your hands.
Doesn't make any sense? People hands love this just nuts.
This is and I'm also fighting the fucking US president
(24:51):
to do the best promoter. How am I supposed to
do that? Man? And yet he still couldn't have this
conversation at your place. It's a nice what is it
with you? A nice night? Look? And I don't care
if you got people on your hands. You're putting boxing
gloves over them, so it doesn't matter. But I'll kill him.
I'll kill him if I do that. When I want
(25:12):
you to talk with your fists. This is what I meant. Here.
We are fight night, and this is me live reporting
from the news room. Again. Two tiny people have died
of suffication inside the gloves of one of the fighters today.
The question, yes, yes, was it our teacher that did it?
(25:33):
It was? It was? It was not your teacher. It
was not your teacher. Could it be? It might? It
could be. Don't lead, Henry, Don't lead. I have a
podcast that puts on some alternate theories about the newsroom murders.
The number one the number one theory is that it's
Mrs Arba Gas look on this season is of his
(26:01):
you got right. Let me tell you this. Please listen,
listen when you recall voice over Darrell the President of
the United States and promotion, You're welcome to try this job.
But I gotta tell you. When he said on this
(26:22):
season is if it was perfect, Okay, I don't need that.
I don't need that. You know, you don't have to
I don't need that. No, No, if it was perfect,
Darrell knows when Darrel's been beat, Darrel's just gonna go
back to the Oval office. That's not how I want
to win. Okay, that's not how I want to win. Look,
(26:45):
you really were perfect. I wasn't saying that for the
benefit of you or Darryl these years. I don't want
shoes on me right now, Okay, okay, you're your own person.
We just Look, that's not how I want to win.
I love my real hands back. Okay. I kept him
(27:05):
in case this happened because they always want them back.
So yes, sir, did you want to pick? Well, I
don't know what to tell you, right, I mean, there's
no way you can fight. You got your hands back.
But I mean they're like four times the size. They're
filled with vinegar. I mean they're gonna pop if they anything.
(27:26):
I mean, there's sick. I can't believe what outside with you.
You have a home, dude, do you have I'm retiring
for boxing, kid, I I just I can't. I can't
do this. Wait wait, wait, wait, wait out, no, no,
suck on this finger real quick, tell me what you think. Okay,
welcome back to the five Plot news. We have devastating news.
(27:50):
One of the mediocre fight promoters have just died of
high sailine and are sodium chloride intake from sucking on brine.
We have two witnesses to that. If I can get
you to come over, son, Son, could you uh step
up to the microphone? Okay, okay, Hey, congratulations on your promotion.
(28:16):
Thanks a lot. I was. I went from janitor the
guy you see dude, somebody safe? Oh dare with the
promotersay that has seen too seen? To Oh mommy C
(28:44):
three comes to us patron v I P Haven How
do you volks? Let's get straight to the scene. The
Department of Homeland Security investigates the X Games after getting
wind that all of the athletes are totally radical. Dude.
Cheers Haven a k A. The Real the Underscore, Real
Underscore have Underscore dog ps. Thanks to Joey and James
(29:06):
for having me on their live stream. Next time, I'll
try to actually be funny. P p s. Everyone listened
to The Comedy Fix. It's my favorite podcast favorite spelled
Oh you so I'm guessing Canadian fun topics include the
rule of three, the rule of zero, the rule of
negative one, numbers as human construct, how untrained improvisers sexually
(29:27):
assault each other. And that's just the first two episodes,
and our seriousness. It's very cool to hear the fellows
talk about and debate comedy theory, an interesting, informative and fun. Hey,
good commercial, not horrible. What was the scene Homeland Security
(29:48):
investigates radical Yes, that's your mission to you understand that? Okay? What? Please? Please?
May I read it again? Please, just to get it in.
I mean, he's probably the only one who wrote it down,
so I'd like to hear it again because actually the
doctor in the room, because a doctor outranks every military official.
(30:09):
Don't you understand that if a doctor says we can't
go in there, we can't go in there. So we've
got to be here. And this is what we're this
is what we we we we we are now. We're
investigating dudes at the X Games. This is who we
are now. It's happening on the land of our home,
isn't it. I got I got a question for you.
I got a question for you, Sarge. Do you think
it's possible when people say that the X games are radical,
(30:31):
that they're referring to radical more in the eighties BMX
sense of radical and not so much in the ISIS
or uh like, you know, anti American radicalization process version
of the word radical. Could you answer his question? Sorry, look,
I'm gonna be honest you. I'm gonna answer this questions. Hey,
what's up? I like your bike? Man looks cool? Thanks. Hey, listen,
(30:56):
I was thinking maybe we should keep this ship real
low pro this year. You know what I mean? I
hear or that they are sending fucking knarcs out sucking
undercover snipping around for some radical fucking dude, and they
better get ready for some axle grinders rock, take it down,
bring it down. Oh this is some serious ship. Man.
If they find out that you're an actual radical dude,
(31:16):
you're going away. I'm talking no half pipes, no quarter pipes,
no fool pipes, no pipeage. Z for sale? Hey, I
got some Z for sale? Either of you cats want
some Z that dude can't. Yes, I'll take a handful
of your ZZ over here there. How about you? How
(31:41):
about you tall glass of water? You want some Z? Yeah?
I'll take some ze. I'll take you will. All right, gentlemen,
this is an undercover operation. Don't don't this is an
undercover operation, right, Okay, can't harry in the bar, then
get closer. If this is an undercover operation, can you
You can come up by me, Mike, you can come
(32:02):
stand up by me if you want. Welcome to the
X Games registration. Please just tell me each of your
names and what sport you were competing in. We'll start
with you the silly hat please. I am their coach
and uh, we are all competing and they're all competing
in different events. Um, Xander here Xanders, Xander's Sander? Which
(32:25):
one Xander? Okay, Xander, Sander is gonna be doing? Okay,
here's your badge. Okay, we have over here, right over here.
This is Xander and he's going to be doing, Yeah, Xander,
(32:49):
and he's going to be doing, um, multiple cross a
motive crossing. I'm I'm Dr Thomas Bacon. That's Dr Thomas Bacon.
What's your hey, cool outfit? Bro? Aren't you worried that
(33:10):
your tie is gonna get caught in the spokes of
your bike? Though? No, I'm not worried at all, I'm
just doing rad rad radical, radical, Yeah, yeah, radical. I
mean I've never seen your team before, but I mean
the way you guys are in those matching suits and ties,
(33:31):
and the way that you're all in your at least
forty to fifty years old, you really stand up. Yeah,
thanks man. Well, you know it's important to stay athletic
as you get older. Andrews cantucky for a second. I'm
(33:52):
one of the Sanders too. I gotta go talk to him.
What are you doing? We gotta focus for these events.
Tell us me's gonna have fake names focusing on the events. Right.
We have to place? Okay, wait, why do we have
to play? How does and I know that you went
over this last night, but I was literally doing something else.
(34:12):
How does placing help us investigate these guys based on
our intel in front of the spies we got inside here,
the top placers are going to be having a communal meeting,
a dinner if you will. Outside it's beautiful. This has
nothing to do with your overwhelming competitive spirit that we've
(34:32):
all been talking about for years. Not at all. And
make some noise for Mikey Rock. Okay, coming up next,
we got Zender now, Anders coming out of location unknown.
But he's been writing for writing unknown. Well, it doesn't
matter if he's here to make some noise. He's got
a tie on. Give it up here he go. That
(34:59):
is a rot of called radical movies pulling out there
right now and speaking of radical, just want to make
sure everyone got their tickets for later on tonight when
we're all gonna go down deep in the bunker and
talk about the new world Order. All right, ex gamers,
Welcome to the Top Placers Communal Dinner. This is an
(35:19):
annual tradition here. Of course, this is on the honor system.
You know whether you were a top place or not.
We know whether you're a top place er. We've got
a spread of food here that's available to everyone as
long as you were a top placer. Basically just one second,
hey boss, Hey boss, it seems like we could have
just claimed that we were top places and we didn't
(35:40):
even have to go to the whole motocross this year.
Oh yeah, we didn't have to go to because you
got second. You know what that does to me, what
that looks like on the department. I'm not normally a
motocross guy. No ship, no ship in an entire world
of motocross. All right, so now I think we should
(36:01):
probably get to what it is we do here at
these dinners. Yeah, let's start spilling all the secrets. Let's
put the communal and communal. Right, I'll go first. You
all know me, um, and I am a proud radical. Yeah.
(36:25):
Who's next? That's all I had? How about you? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah,
so I'm just a coach. Oh that I guess I'll
go next. My name is Xander. It's my first time
in the X Games. But let me I could have
(36:46):
gone next. No, no, no, you know what, you probably
should probably go next because I'm just chipping all over
my tongue. I got nothing, you got nothing, but you
just said you could have. Yeah. I just was excited
about maybe going because no one ever calls me. They
called the other guy in the hat. You know, I
(37:08):
got a pizza for Homeland Security. Why would holand Security
be here? Boss? Okay, thank god we got out of
that place, Thank god? Why then did you order pizza
when we were in a dinner place? I mean, we
would at a place to have dinner. Where's our metal?
(37:31):
What did it in the middle of that really exciting
thing that we just skipped right over there. Just happened.
Somebody lost our metal. God damnit, Sander, you play second
and then you lose the medal? Left it inside, boss,
I'll just crack out the old motor cycle. Oh, I'll
click up the motor cycle and I'll just ride back
(37:52):
in there and grab the medal off the table. I
think it was just do you think you can really
do that? Wow? That was crazy. I'm mean, we're all
just a couple of radical dudes here, and then we
had to have an actual shootout with actual government agents.
I'm pretty proud of us. It's the most exciting thing
that's ever happened. Super spectacular. Hey, can we just for
(38:13):
my own I'm just curious. It's wrong? What what's so
wrong about being a radical dude? Exactly? What's the crime
in that? I think, just like extremism in general is
always wrong because the next game sans for extreme games exactly? Yeah,
(38:36):
I forget it. Do you have another theory anything that'll
be better than that? Hold on, go ahead, smart guy. Yeah,
what's wait? What the how that little dude get in here?
(38:59):
My hand? My hand dude left right? Oh shit, that
fucking dude's hands just came to life. Just like fundamentalism
in general is just like always negative because you're always
like putting yourself again somebody else, especially with police systems
and whatnot. Right, I mean like games are all about
putting yourself against someone else. I know, but maybe sometimes
(39:21):
maybe the games aren't extreme. Maybe the games are okay,
like to nash Ram or a beach or a roof party,
but you know, maybe you're not built anymore. I just
asked him why we're in trouble. Okay, he's just trying
to explain. I don't think it feels that way necessarily
unless you do. But I'm still curious as to what
we're doing it wrong. Yeah, yeah, we all take a
(39:43):
little Z every now and then, so what who doesn't
I heard even the President takes I'd like to hear him.
What is so bad about I'm scared to give my bo?
Why did somebody say the president? Ding? Ding? He said
the president? Yeah, I'm here fighting radicalization and handing out z.
(40:07):
They're a buck a piece. Don't our taxes pay for that? Yeah?
They do. Darrell out who was that guy? He was?
He was? He was? Oh his name is Daryl's out
(40:29):
right cool? Anyways, Well it's it's super weird radical I know, right,
all right, we're the Monster Energy Tense. You know people
are gonna be coming over demanding those sixty four round
bottles of monster and probably some free mercher, right, So
(40:51):
just be chill about it and don't get worried. If
you get swarm, trust me that you've got some sweet
monster running through your veins. I don't care how big
a mob is, You'll be able to rip through any
human body. I guarantee you your own monster. Dude. Excuse me?
Is this the monster energy? Yeah, bitch, I'm looking for
the I'm looking for the bottle of water. Area, bottle
of water? Areahy, don't you go straight to fucking hell?
(41:13):
Got you and your face? Oh? Do you take your shirt? Us?
Just to clean all this stuff? This dog just peede
monster everywhere? All right? Oh god? Oh god? Yeah? Man,
(41:42):
I mean, I don't know what the hell is on
this Linoian floor, but it's sent in and it is
eating through it, all right, So it's acid base. Stand
they can talk. So I don't know where you want that.
That's that's is my cuts. That is my cuts. So
your cut, yeah, yeah, which seems very much alive? Can
you get it out of this? It is? I guess
we found an answer. That catch is alife? Yes, and
(42:02):
yeah it is? Man. What a scooping with your hands?
What a scooping with your hand? Is acid? All right?
Well I figured out? Oh god, can you not feel pain? Man?
Or what? Well? Homeland Security agents? I'm glad you all
found your way here and on time. You're usually pretty late.
(42:26):
You failed, huh? I got I got number two in
the moto grow. Yeah, and I'm looking at you, boss.
You fail. You know those little sunglasses you put on
when you get suntanned, Yeah, you know what I mean,
Like at the boot That's what I'm working eyeball. I
don't know what they're called. Yeah, little things. You failed.
(42:50):
But I missed the connection to those little glasses around
the eyeballs. I was taking them off to look him
in the eyes, look the director of the eyes and
know their name? Are you guys all high on? See you?
What the hell is going on here? We are totally
Sander got it for us. Apparently you got it for
the president or something. Some ship just throwing him out Pitsna.
(43:16):
Those are the glasses They just go on your nose, right,
those are pint snare all fired. Okay a matter of fact,
we're not closing down the homeland security branch of the government.
You can do that a whole cabinet branch. Talk to
Darrell about it. He'll tell you all about it. Don't
(43:39):
summon by the show for today can inspired. Let's thank
(44:03):
all of our alchemists thanks to returning champion Mark Gagliardi,
markin thanks for having me. Is up? What is happening?
What are the latest? What can you tell us? I am?
I am back in Los Angeles. Uh waiting anxiously the
dropping of season two of Blood and Treasure coming to
television's this summer. Uh. We don't have an air date yet,
(44:27):
but I'm very excited for it, just for everybody. Let's
call it the summer summer twenty one, Summer twenty one,
that's what we're doing. And we've got We've got Uh.
I don't know this is gonna have already happened. We
just did a great thrilling adventure our show on Saturday,
Craig and I. Where can folks find that? It must
be uh be on How Seats Live, How Seats Dot Live.
(44:50):
So we're gonna find all of those. They keep that
in archives and folks can take a book. Yeah, how
seats live? All right? Uh, Craig, you want a piggyback
on the Thrilling Adventure. I think everything he said is true. Yeah,
the shows are available for a couple of weeks after
they air live for purchase. And what about the part
(45:13):
about him being back in Los Angeles? Can you I
cannot confirm that. I mean, there appears to be some
sun in his window, but that really could be anywhere,
good point, anywhere? Her son? All right? And Gary Anthony Williams, Yes,
I have I have a new show called Blood or
(45:34):
Treasure that will be we'd like to have people choices
that will be out this Uh this just call it
a game show. We think, we think so, but we're
not quite sure what it is yet. You're gonna you're
gonna love it. So you're gonna win the treasure or
(45:56):
cough up some blood? Blood? I love it. That's on
sexy and exciting. Chris. Are you telling me Mark that's
not of one of those virtual backgrounds. That's an that's
your actual home. This, Yeah, this is my actual home.
Did you think this was virtual? It looks so fair.
(46:18):
That's crazy. Look. For those of you who are Patreon subscriber,
you gotta see that moment. It just happened because Mark
the entire time, I was thinking, that's a nice virtual background.
You just haven't turned out. You just have a nice home. Thanks.
That's it, that's all I got. I appreciate that because
I'm not sure enough people are understood the benefits from
(46:41):
being a Patron supporter, and now they do. Now they know,
so thank you for that. Uh, Joey Greer. Uh, this
is also real, this is not virtual. Everything behind me,
So you see you here abound MTV spring can you
run back? And right now? So I cast performance. So
(47:01):
we're just kind of still performing somewhere MTV spring Break
here and U Daytona. It's sick, uh, but it's always
it's great, it's always sick. Well, thank you also, damn much.
It's great to see your faces. And let's thank our
(47:22):
producer and engineer of the Starmers, Mr Doug Bayne. Fine,
folks that I heart media. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock
reminding you to please be kind to each other and
thank you for all of your ears and supportive nature
regarding this particular podcast. It means a great deal to
me and some of the others, not all of them.
(47:45):
Um yeah, that's it until next time. He
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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