July 6, 2021 • 57 mins
Pharmacy.
POV of someone watching an AT listener.
Zen Temple has new neighbors.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This I am
your guest host, Chris Alvarado. Yes, that Kevin Pollock. Yeah,
what's that? I do end shocked at the amount of
work that I do not book considering all of my experience,
my looks, and my connections. But I digress. Let's meet
(00:22):
our alchemishall we in no particular orders. Say hello to
Jackie Gonzalez, to Ruth the Electric Eel Electric Eel of
the east Side. Is your husband a good dancer? Yeah
he is, he is. We used to go out dancing
a lot before you know the pandemic hit. What do
you do? But we have a great I should put it.
(00:44):
I should show it somehow for the for the patreon um.
But we have a great photo from a wedding, from
someone else's wedding that like that bride framed for me
and it's us, just like dancing Nasty on the dance
for I love the idea of you and your husband dancing. No,
that sounds weird. I love the idea of watching Pat
Babbitt dance nasty is a just dropped his name up.
(01:07):
Look over there, everybody, It is James Heeny, Vixen of Venice.
Are you a good swimmer. I'm an excellent swimmer. When
I was in high school, I beat the state champion
in a swimming race, but I never actually competed myself.
But in all fairness, he said that it was because
(01:28):
I wasn't using whatever forms they have to do and
I used the side of the pool to push off.
There's a whole bunch of things that made me a cheater.
All I remember was I beat him, So that was that, James,
I love this as a movie idea, where like the
professional swimmer with all you know, the all like the
I don't know if there's swim gear, and then you
the roughneck right, just coming in just like natural born abilities. Yeah,
(01:53):
I don't. I mean, I'm still friends if I should
find out what exactly it was. I broke some sort
of rules where he was like, well, yeah, you beat me,
but like we're when you're doing swim races, you're not
allowed to just do whatever you want to get to
the other side. It was like, well that's how I roll.
Speaking of rolling, can we please welcome Gary Anthony Williams.
(02:14):
You must have read about me doing that tuck and
roll competition when I was eight that viper of the valley.
Can you name a comedy hero of yours growing up?
Growing up comedy hero? I don't know if he was comedy,
but uh, rich Little I used to love to watch
do impersonations. Rich Little was his name, and he did. Man.
(02:42):
That man. He could open his mouth and you expected
his sound to come out of his mouth, but it
sounded like somebody else had got in his Have you heard,
by the way, Chris. I have a movie call Baby
as You Talking that's gonna be coming out this fall.
And it's like I can at my baby talking, and
I think my baby get hi, my baby talking about I.
(03:04):
I can't. I don't know if other people get him
my baby talking. It's called babies. You're talking? Okay, thank you. Well,
we'll look out for that baby. And I say this
a lot a lot in it? Baby, Is you talking
a lot? I said a lot in the movie and Less.
(03:24):
But let James handle your tech if you think him least.
It's Joey Greer many mumbling Miami mice get gets nothing. Okay,
I mean nada? Actually okay, I'll take you know. This
(03:46):
is something really personal. I don't want to bring this up,
but I man because nothing I do. I do want
for one thing, and it's kind of universal wanted. Well,
it's no, Jackie, it's not definition inside my bicep. Now
that's not what I want. What I do want is, um,
(04:07):
I want my feet removed and I want all right,
let's do show. So. All of our scene suggestions are
gathered from listeners, emails, or from our Patreon v I
p s. To become a Patreon supporter of the show
and enjoy exclusive content and other perks, just head on
over to Patreon dot com slash alchemy this. If you
like to submit a scene suggestion via email, please write
(04:30):
to the podcast at our new email address, alchemy This
email at gmail dot com. That's alchemy this. Okay, this
is exciting for me. Okay, I love this first scene suggestion.
It comes from Patreon alchemaniac Joseph, who simply wrote, pharmacy,
(04:53):
let's go number five, number five please? That's me, David. Yeah,
they oh girl, Hey, yeah, I know where we went together. Hey.
How are you doing, girl? I'm I'm I'm doing pretty well.
You look amazing. You know. The doctors can't figure out
(05:15):
what it is. Uh, they checked my muscle definition yesterday
they said, I have the muscle definition of someone at
least three years younger than me. My bone structure, it said,
my bone structure is I'm gonna read this to you now.
Your bone structure is stella. How can I do for you? Baby? Girl?
You look your hair looked literally the same as the
last time I saw you, and I just stopped growing
(05:38):
after high school. It was it was weird, but I
said a lot of money on haircuts. It picked a
perfect place to stop growing. I tell you that right now, Caroline,
What can I do for you? I'm a pharmacist. Now, girl,
I have a a rash? Is what party about it?
(05:58):
It's like lower stomach, lower tummy. M it's pretty low.
Step no, no, just step into it. So what do
you mean are you like dating now? I mean that
seems like you went to like third base quick. It
was honestly incredible and like usually the rash of supers
were painful, but it felt like his hands on there.
(06:21):
It felt like I don't. I mean, maybe it's because
I haven't been touched in ten years, or maybe it
was like an electric connection. I don't know connection. I
saw him that once, um at that guy's funeral, that
guy that was on the football team. Um, and then
he got it was like a really hard hit because yeah, Braxton,
(06:43):
I saw him at that funeral, and I was tuned
nervous to say hi. I thought maybe he wouldn't know me.
And then and then he's rubbing lotion on my I mean,
let's be real. Yeah, no, outer uterus. It's like almost that,
you know, and so like he just did this, like
you did this right there. Everybody's the back room, alright, students.
(07:05):
Students pay attention to So we're just talking to students,
because students, you cannot spell the words studios without mostly spelling. Students.
Please listen on the screen you'll see did I'm sorry,
Mr McCarthy, Did I hear a moan from you? Or
(07:27):
a sign? I am sorry? I just this is boring.
What am I African to need? The human body? Number one,
you're using it right now. Look around you, Look around you,
look around you. Everybody in here has a human body.
Today we're going to study not only the inner utero. Yes,
(07:49):
I could make an argument that I actually don't have
a human body. Because I was four, something happened to me.
I was taken open to the moon and I came
back not myself. All right, then class is officially dismissed.
Different Wait wait, hold on, some of us are here
(08:11):
to learn, too late, too late to learn. Now she's
been taken up unto the moon, and she can prove
she doesn't have a human body. That means what I
was about to teach you about the inn and outo
universe is absolutely useful. Uh. Classes are joined. Go do
whatever you students normally do. Classes are joined, So say that.
(08:34):
Excuse me? I am looking for, um, a pharmacist that
can Uh. Is there somebody that can help you with
a private miss? Did you take a number? Did you
take a number? I did take a number. I'm sorry.
I just this is I've got a fifteen minute work break. Uh,
and then i'd have to use my lunch break, which
is thirty minutes. But I take that for personal time.
(08:55):
Number four, number four, number four. No, that's not true.
You're not like you can't be number four. Shut up? Okay,
just gonna help you. How can I help you? Listen,
I've got um there's a rash, it's itchy. Oh she's
off today. What I know you're looking for? And he's
(09:18):
off today? What can you do? They can you put
the clam on my hand and then the cram on
your rash and you feel electricity. He's off today. Um,
I'll have one filet mignon, and can I get the
side of the mashed potatoes? Of course? How would that
(09:40):
the mash potatoes cooked, not um mashed, the medium rare, rare?
How would that your potatoes? I'm sorry you're talking to me.
I'm sorry. I thought she was still talking to Caroline. Please, David, sorry,
how would I like? How would I like my I'm
sorry I got I literally got lost in in her
eyes and I could not use will always to get
(10:01):
out of that. I love that. You know what's so great?
I when I dropped off the water, you looked a
little older. You look a little younger right now. I
just I literally, I literally just came from the doctor,
like right before I go a lot to make sure
everything is fine. The doctor says that I'm a little
younger than I was yesterday. You know that song? I
(10:24):
love you more today than yesterday, not as much as tomorrow.
Somehow that applies. Uh, how do I want my potatoes?
Oh my god, Brian, don't look now, but my ex
is sitting at that table over there, the pharmacist. Oh
(10:44):
my god. Yeah, we only had relations in the office
and now he's like out in public. No, no, no, no,
I no I want. I asked for it, besidically asked.
Did you work at the pharmacy? Well no, I had
a problem with my with my my butt problem. No
(11:04):
I never Hi, can we get two more? Sorry? The
card was declined two more? Please? I'm just before I
why did you run the card before we were talking?
We always do that when it's over three hundred? We are?
(11:24):
We past three already well passed. I'm gonna need another card.
Excuse me? What is what? What is that gentleman ordering
over there, the one in the lab coat who looks
younger than he actually is. He ordered a rare mashed potatoes?
Oh my god? He what? He what? I'll give you
a card if you can give him this note from me.
(11:45):
Thank you very much, all right, and I'll give you
a card. We do not hold on. I need a
car now and I just wanted to We do not
take discover, so um, could you maybe I should just
could you bring the card we gave you back and
then I can just call the number and maybe I'll
just straighten it out with the bank. Excuse me, I'm
(12:09):
almost une washing my hands. You don't you can just
wait a little bit for the sink. I just it's
just that there's there's only one sinks. Slide it to you.
But I'm almost done. So when when I'm done, you
can rash. You can take Excuse me, I'm sorry I
didn't say anything. It sounded like you just said rash
(12:30):
like I have a rash. Why would I say that?
It's okay, I don't know your phone left. I'm gonna
need your card when you when you come out, they
need you outside. That's it's actually I'll lock the door
for a little privacy. I know what you're I know
what you're up to. Really close to me? Who are you?
(12:52):
Did you just censor yourself? I'll tell you. I am okay, okay,
I'm your worst nightmare. Did you just sensor yourself? Well,
that's what we're doing, right, okay? Fine? Why where where
did he touch you? What where did he touch you?
My father? That's wild? Yes, So, I mean we're just
(13:12):
celebrating the anniversary. Right, you pop over here, you get
the mash potatoes. We got the mashed potatoes too, right,
and I'm just thinking about myself. Then we gotta know
this guy. We gotta know this guy. I got mine Rare,
I got mine bred. Excuse me, my my lady friend
went to the restroom. Is it all right if you
have your wife go to the restroom and check all
(13:33):
my lady friend? Oh, I mean do you want to
do that. I don't want to go to the rest room.
You know what? I got some here here. Take this
little pills. It'll make it run out of you. All right,
you're go go, all right. It always helps me. Okay, yeah,
back to this mass potato. I understand you, and you
(13:56):
understand me. This is I'm looking in a mirror. Oh,
somebody's locked to a mirror. But I'm not looking into
the actual physical mirror. I'm looking at you, and you're
reflecting a version of the doors that's exact. Just step away.
I'm waiting for a card. I'm waiting for how I feel. Now.
I want to make something perfectly clear. He's a good man.
(14:19):
He I can yes, sixty dollars and I got this
RV for forty two grant. Alright, how to forgive me?
Let let me step back. You're talking fast, and this
is great, the normal price for sixty thousand, but somehow
you were able to finagle and file for two because
(14:46):
the rash was inside exactly and mine although being outside physically.
Excuse me, excuse me, ma'am. You either need to enter
the bathroom and you to go back to your table,
because right now it's a massive fire hazard in the kitchen.
I'm waiting if I'm waiting for a woman to come
(15:07):
out with a card. So it's it's all right, I'll
go back to my Excuse me, don't just tiff me, Greg,
don't just tiff me. I'm trying to. I'm just trying to.
I'm just trying to make this smooth operating. If you're
just floating around like you're just supposed to do roll ups,
those pills really are working with the bathrooms locked, and
(15:30):
this is what's nuts, right, So I'm on the sixte
hold on, brother, I love your stories. I love them
because they all have a number in them, and I
love that. Hold on, did you say that the bathroom
is the bathrooms locked? And those pills really do make
it go straight through you and it's an emergency at
this point. Excuse me, my new friend, this is trouble.
You can walk with me and keep talking with me
(15:51):
if you want, but we're going to the bathroom. I'm
getting my lady friend out of it. So I want
the best for you. I want you to shine like
the stars, brighter than the moon, surrounded by the sun.
Hey not not not? Hey not not not? That sounds like, David,
are you in there? I'm gonna hide in the stall.
(16:12):
You go do this. Thank you, Caroline. You and they're
you okay? Oh God, oh God, stalls stalls us occupied occupied, Caroline.
I was worried. I got to be honest. I hadn't
seen you since high school, and I thought that I
would never see you again after that moment you were
(16:32):
thinking about me. But when I saw you at Braxton's funeral,
you barely even made eye contact. You didn't realize that
was That was when I first started seeing the doctor.
I was legally blind for a whole year. That year,
my god, I started seeing the doctor. I started taking
a supplement supplement that I take when I eat raw potatoes.
I either rock potato and a supplement every evening or
rare potato. I didn't see you there. You saw me,
(16:57):
but I didn't see you now I now truly see Caroline,
and I see you, and I want you and I
need you right here right now. Hi American Express, Yes, Hi,
I like to apply for a credit card. Is that
the voice of Is that the voice of my exit
behind that stuff? It's okay, we're best friends now, Hi, Hi,
(17:24):
it's nice to see you. It's express. It's really nice
to see you. Do you need to deal with the
credit card situation? Can't be in the bathroom at the
same time. This is a massive fire hazard. This is
a massive fire I can't go in tips. You gotta
handle this. One person in the stall, could be one
person at the sink, but all five of you in here,
just hot hot box in the place with what in stink?
(17:47):
Excuse me? I don't know who's the manager. Who's the
shift Sally? Not me? We're neither of us, are We're
both servers. If you could find the manager and tell
him I'd like to buy this restaurant just for the
eight I'd like to buy the restaurant for then you
want to do another night? Do you do you mean
rent the restaurant? I mean by the night to purchase it.
(18:11):
Like to say a man was going to buy a
sixty thousand dollar vehicle, but he actually was able to
work down the price for forty five thousand. He actually
buys it pretty good. I don't want to let me
to interrupt with this. Lady has what seems to be
diarrhea running down her like, Oh, it's so super person. Look,
every one of you in this room have meant something
(18:33):
special to me tonight, and that's why I want to
buy the restaurant. And oh boy, I never thought i'd
do this. Caroline. Yes, your hair perfect. It was the
last day I saw you, and you look younger and
more defined. It's who I am right here in front
(18:54):
of God and everybody's here. I can feel him. He's here.
Ran On, will you will you? Will you marry me? Caroline?
To do this in front of you and in front
of my new best friend coming happy. I'm so happy. Great,
(19:21):
I'm gonna need a card from from you. And I
just seen one. Everybody, I mean, why would we ruin that, Joey,
It's a happy ending, you know what I mean. Seen
two comes from listener Kristen Kelly, who wrote many of
(19:45):
the Alchemy This listeners have mentioned that when listening to
the podcast in public, like during their daily commute or
at their office job. They often start laughing like a
crazy person, much to the confusion of their fellow commuters
or coworkers. Can you do a scene from the point
of view of these poor, confused outsiders. So we're doing
(20:07):
the scene that the people who are watching the people laugh? Um,
excuse me, excuse me, Yes, I'm listening. I'm sorry, Take
your headphone, take your take your headphones off. I was reading.
I did have headphones on, but more importantly, I'm reading
a book. Oh really, yes, And so you're not laughing
(20:33):
at me. No, no, you just started laughing when I
sat down here. No, no, hold on, I'm reading a
There's never been a fucking book that's made me laugh
conveniently right when I sit down. But what book is that?
It's give it to me character. This isn't funny. These
(20:56):
pages are funny. I'm sorry, what Caroline, that's there? Larry's Yeah,
who sitting next to you want to bust I'm gonna
(21:17):
said somewhere else. Good Dap Stewart. I don't know what
it is, but you do got that kind of face.
I don't know what to tell you. People just laugh
at your face. It's just one of these things. I mean,
is it? So I'm humorous? I want you to know, right,
I'm I am humorless. That's why we can have this conversation.
(21:39):
So I'm just trying to picture in my head a
funny face, because I've seen people with some faces that weren't,
you know, symmetrical, or like there's problems with them, but
never something that's funny to Usually it's something I don't think,
so I don't think so. And if there's anything wrong
with my face, it's probably the fact. Well you're laughing
at it right now thinking about her, know, so you
(22:00):
see you see what I'm saying, sir, Well, I I
feel like it's crazy for me to explain to you
my face because you're looking at it all right. But
I'm just saying I don't think it's a funny thing.
I think, if anything, when I see somebody else's space
that looks weird, I just look the other way, or
I start ground or want to do it. Want you
do a little experiment on don't you just take public
transportation all over the city and just kind of see
(22:22):
what happens. I'm sure my face is normal enough that
I won't have problems, Deborah, I understand. I will definitely
get to these reports in by end of day. Now
you're probably wondering why I'm in such a good mood. Yeah,
you're usually crying a lot, and I'm happy that you're not.
(22:47):
What it surprise you know? What? Did it surprise you
to learn that I found something magical in my life? No?
Not religion, No, not a man, No, not s S R. Desert.
I really I'm listening to I'm listening to a podcast. Okay,
do you know what? Do you know? What do you
(23:07):
listen to? Podcast? Um? I listened to one pod. You
should listen to one more. You should listen to one more. Okay,
you know what I'm gonna say. I'm gonna send you
a link right now that you can listen to something
that's about to change your life. Yeah. The judge gave
us a fifteen minute recess, and it's been fourteen so
I got to get back in there. But you're gonna
(23:29):
listen right sure? Yeah? Yeah, write it down. UM, I'm
gonna send you a link and then you see it
and you can listen to immediately. That's even better. Not
it's not God, it's not a man. The judge has
requested that everyone bringing the balls that were handed out
as well as the two jump ropes, the two jump
(23:49):
ropes that were handed up, please bring them inside. Um, Judge,
I I do have a lord. This is George Jones
uh speaking. Can the members of the courtroom here? Man?
Can everyone in the courtroom here, man as I speak?
(24:13):
Right here? Here? Here, here, here, Sir in the corner,
did you hear about didn't you have your ear phones in?
And it seems like maybe you didn't help me. I'm sorry,
I said, could everybody in the court take please, so
at least take out one of your pa Well, he
just said one, so maybe I'll just stick with one
(24:34):
in there and then one out. I'm sorry, you're honor,
you were saying. I was saying that it did. I
was about to ask you if everybody well, I'm sorry.
What do you you? Bailiff? Dude? I'll knock you out, dude.
Oh boy, here we are, here we go. I'll knock
you out, dude. What's up? Bailiff? Did you not enjoy
your recess? I had the balls out there for y'all
(24:56):
and the jump rope? Did you get your putting? I
put out a whole. I didn't get a snack, and
I think that's why I'm upset. Oh my, may I
suggest you you get a snack before you come back
in the courtroom. Bailiff, if you should be so kind
to escort him out to my car. Here, here's the key.
(25:16):
In the glove compartment, I have one of those refrigerator
glove compartments. I have an uncovered bowl of tapio pudding
with a little animal cracker. Sounds good, that sounds good.
I'm sorry for acting up, Judge Winston. I wanted to
(25:36):
talk Weasel of the West Side or something. Yeah, yeah,
he's gone mad. He's not mad, he's gone mad, losing
(25:56):
the key boarder. Who's in the Who's to tell a
pretty guilty or not guilty one around and tell everyone
the judge has gone mad. We got all the balls,
all the jump ropes, red rovers going down, and it's
gonna be harsh. I'm breaking risks tonight. You're gonna break rists. Yeah,
we're gotta lock down the entire court. Okay. We gotta
make sure that everyone stays inside of their rooms. We've
(26:17):
got to make sure that they're occupied. Okay, So I
mean DVDs of Shawshank. Redemption should be distributed to every
single room, all right, and if that doesn't work, we
got to find another four and a half movie. We
just gotta do it on repeat. These individuals, these jurors, lawyers,
everyone's working here, all the federal employees. They need to
be occupied. Their attention needs to be focused. We gotta
judge's gone mad now. If anybody has any problems with us,
(26:39):
you can just talk to me right now, or you
can leave me a little voice message, and I want
that to be written and dictated back to me by
an individual that I have. Yes, I'll have several questions
for you. Okay, okay, hold on. We need those questions
to be written down then dictated to me in a voicemail. Alright, individuals,
hold down, how do I need to get them to you?
You need to write those down. An individual that has
(27:00):
been designated by the court should dictate them in a
voicemail sent to me. Okay, Now, my office are only
from nine am am. All right, So you got about
a fifteen in a window, give or take what. I'm
gonna be there, all right now, every snack, Well, I'm
glad you came to see me. Um, your face is
a little odd. Um, But I wouldn't say it's I
(27:23):
wouldn't say it's something dangerous. No, I didn't expect it
to be dangerous. But is it funny looking? Sure? Sure
you're not laughing, um, I said, because I've done all
my laughing this afternoon. I finished it up before the
laders shift. Now I'm gonna write you a prescription. Okay,
(27:44):
now this. Do you have access to the internet. Yeah, nicely,
I have access to the internet on my phone. This
is even better, even better. You don't even need this prescription? Then, well,
what can I have it? You want it just for fun?
That's weird. Well, no, I just don't know what it
is like. Oh, I'll just tell you. I'll just tell you,
(28:06):
so put your phone out, okay, oh ship, is that
an android? Of course it's an android. It's desire. Thank
you for visiting me in the hospital. I aren't really
fucked up. When the judge went mad and then everyone
was just going crazy. Someone took a tetherball pole and
(28:27):
it was a strong man and was just swinging it
around like Amazon. I broke three ribs, fractured my wrist.
You don't look good, but I feel amazing. Shut up.
You listened. I listened. I listened to that podcast. Okay.
Can we just talk quickly? Like, okay, who's your favorite
(28:48):
go one? Richard? What Richard? Oh no, I don't think
you listened to the right podcast. Wait a second. It
was like a murder mystery. I'm sorry, but your time
has ended for the Internet. If you want to purchase
more time, you're gonna have to either buy a coffee
(29:10):
or I don't drink coffee. I told you I don't
drink coffee. Okay, okay, could I could? I just can
I just pay for the time on the computer? You can,
but we'd prefer if you bought a coffee. Daryl, would
you please just hurry this guy along. There's a line
building up behind I don't want the line behind me.
(29:34):
These are medical things that I'm looking at in the computer. Okay,
so just give me five minutes of privacy. Your time
is expired. If you want more Internet, you're gonna have
to buy a coffee. It's just that if I get
up to get the coffee, one of these assholes behind
me you can't take my seat, and then they're gonna
see all my medical records. Don't you see the problem.
(29:55):
Gary Anthony Williams, Any Williams, I'm an actor, have a seat.
Thank you for responding to the subpoena in a timely fashion.
Of course. I'm sorry. By the way, I'm I have
a hot um stand up set tonight, so I'm a
little on right now. I hope that doesn't bug you. Um,
(30:17):
I don't really understand what you're talking about. Now listen,
I will be recording this deposition, if that's okay with you. Yeah,
speaking of deposition. Uh like I was dating this French
girl and she used the word deposition, right, Mr Gary
Anthony Williams. Um it, I have the numbers in front
of me. Okay, listen. A lot of people have been
(30:38):
quote unquote losing their minds um off their rockers, going berserkers,
and these are all specifically specifically podcast. What's the podcast?
It's you. It's you, sir. It's when you guess on
a podcast, people lose their ship. Okay, I'm just gonna
(31:01):
say it's okay, that's recording. What do you have to
say for yourself? Not a lot. To be honest with you,
I was gonna break into some of my stand up routine.
You're hurting people I know, oh you know that. Of course,
I know you're sick. Mother, I'm Gary. Baby, Look, you're
gonna have to come up with a new set. I mean,
(31:23):
everyone saw the deposition tape, but we just can't film
it for your owner. I mean, that's just how it is,
so just because they saw it. I can't reuse this stuff,
That's what I'm saying. I can't reuse the stuff of that.
And that was gold that I gave in my deposition.
I can't reuse that dollar has been melted down and
it's been used to make some kind of horseshoe. Alright,
so you can't use it anymore. Do you catch what
(31:43):
I'm saying? I do. But you know how long it
took me to get that that high hour I had?
You know how long it took me to build that.
I don't know, Gary, Come no time, brother, I got this.
Don't worry about it. Listen, Baby, I know you were
a junior agent, but I'm the top agent here. Okay,
to make some changes, baby, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright.
(32:05):
First of all, those shoes, Okay, no more laces. It's
the year of the loafer, you understand, baby. Alright, sliding there.
We've got some here, Christina. Can you bring in the loafers? Alright?
Couple other things, Okay, hair do, hair do. It's a
dry look this year, baby, dry. Look. You gotta get
rid of that pommade. No showers, the loafers, thank you,
(32:27):
But I just want to make it clear, this is
my last loafer run. No, Christina, don't say that you're
you're a star baby. Tell them, baby, Christina, when you
go in there to day. If these motherfuckers try to
get you to deliver a shoe, you look your grass
out of there. You understand what I'm saying. I got
your back, girl, Thank you. You know what. You're free.
I don't working a fucking dsw You don't work a
(32:48):
foot locker. Baby, Christina, where's all this heat coming from.
You've been talking to that crazy janitor. Crazy janitor. He's
the love of my life. Oh baby, talk to her. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
go on, Christina. I'm good, earl, I'm good, Christina. Alright, Christina, look,
(33:12):
look all right, I understand what this is all about. Christina.
You said you have ideas, you said you had projects
you want to pitch. I told you i'd give you
the time. Of day. I haven't done that yet. Now's
your time. Now is your time? What are you? What
are you watching? What are you listening to? Podcast? And
one podcast only? All right? The murder Mystery. It's about
a man named Richard who goes missing and has found
(33:34):
in a giant hole in Nevada. He makes seventy four,
but he's actually twenty three. You think that the sun
would have aged him, but actually it was a weird agent,
liquid agent that he was made to drink by alien
shot to the moon. You'll sit down. I noticed, look
(33:54):
all swollen, but my funeral crincht and said he's tinny lover's.
I don't know if my my bones are broken, but
I got all these tiny bones. But there, that's what.
That's why you're here, buddy. Sit on. Let me see.
Let me take a look at those feet. Let's see
if we can't get the loafers off. Hold on, no, no, no, no,
(34:15):
no no no no hold on. Let me call Jackson
to help. Hey, easy, two words, easy, let me call
Jackson to help. Jackson get in here. Oh my god. Alright, alright,
Elve's got his foot in a situation with some tiny loafers.
Thereat his bones is broken. I want to help him,
(34:37):
but these shoes stuck on the show. Oh I got
I got our surgical sisters. We can cut those load first,
right off? I mean the way my foots art right now,
it's disgusted, and just cut these away. Oh the skin,
the skin was folding. Okay, okay, takes shallow breaths. Should
(35:15):
I try to cut the other loafer off? Stuff? Landon?
I've been waiting for our meeting for over five minutes.
You know, you know Julia Roberts doesn't like to wait.
You know she doesn't like to wait. Are you you
calling me by my first name? Now? Christina? Baby, I'm
the top agean here. Well, baby, I've got Julia robertson
(35:37):
there waiting, and she's disturbed. She's hearing a bunch of
people yelling in other rooms. People sounds like people are
getting sought in half, and she's freaking out. She's about
to leave. You're about to leave the biggest client. Alright, alright, alright, baby, alright, alright.
Gives her a message for me. Okay, but it needs
to be I'm gonna voice record it and then you
you read it out loud to her. Okay, Okay, are
(35:58):
dead movies Dead. She can do TV, so she can
do TV. It didn't need you to dictate that it
was a voice memoi. I could hear it. And that's
our second scene, scene three. Everybody is from Patreon v
(36:19):
I p jesse Hahn, who wrote, Hello, Alchemists. I'd like
to see a zen temple dealing with their new neighbors
and all the crazy characters and l A pot Shop
might be home to Never Stop. Yes, the answer you
didn't write, but I have read it a couple of times,
(36:41):
and so what I'm gathering. What I'm deducing here is
that there's a zen temple next to an l A
pot shop and they got to deal with the people there.
Jesse Han ends this by saying, never stop alchemy ink hmm, okay,
keeping Oh oh the window? Could you close the window
(37:13):
so fucking high? I'll close high. The fucking window is closed.
Let's go in the window. Don't you try to shut
find find your own. It's just this shatter man, shatter try.
(37:38):
I want me to try it. Uh did you say
did you say used me? I'm sorry you too. I
don't know if you could step away from this window.
But despite the fact, I guess it's because we have
very thin walls. We are hearing your conversation inside of
our meditations. But if you hurt, if you heard that
(38:01):
he was trying to tell I couldn't quite hear what
he was saying, something about shadowing. Yeah, do you want
to try some shatter? I will it get you guys
to move to the other side of the building so
that it's not right next to a window? Sure? Yeah, yeah,
all right? Does it need to be this beautane lighter?
(38:23):
What is what's going on here? Yeah? Ship man? He
did the whole block man's supposed to do. You guys,
go to the other side of the building. You're gonna
get so fucked up now, Myrna, it seems to me
that you were at a crossroads in your life. Yeah.
(38:46):
I think finding this temple was the right the right
road to follow. I thought that too, and well, and
then Larry threw up in my shoes. I had taken
off my shoes to properly be one with the ground
and feel grounded. And Larry was coughing and wrenching, and
(39:12):
may I, may I grab your chin? Yes, okay, look
at me. Okay, Oh, I'm just kind of bowing your flue. Whoa,
I was not ready for that. That's the spirit. Thank
you that it was a sensation I've never had. And
(39:35):
I feel there's more of that. I feel reset. I
feel guys get in here. Oh I was just don't
mumble in discriminately and I link socks. That's exactly what
(39:56):
I expect to hear, full, full, partial sentences mostly King
of lower leg Ware. I've been selling mirror Juana cigarettes
for quite a while. People enjoy the smooth draw will
of relation they get from the blow it in. They
the fellows next Diarth the Zen Temple sent a letter
(40:19):
over earlier from some guy named Larry, and I'm going
to read it out loud. It was written, not dictated
their owners of the Mirror Juanna shop. That's me. And
then he follows it as well as employees. That's all
of you. That's each of every one of you. We're
(40:43):
going to have to ask you to either. And then
he puts letters next a cease and d CITs be
keep down the noise outside the window or see go
to hell. Of course, I wanted to have a round
table meeting on this. You see which one you employees
(41:06):
have the Merrow Winner shop that we should do. I've
never been to Hell. Yeah, it's just okay too, because
that's too forego to Hell, because that means we don't
got to be quiet, right. I think Hell is a
rock us in loud place. Okay, So that's you feel
(41:27):
like we can't really take rockies vote because I heard
and I'm just gonna say it to you, because we're
having a round table. I heard that he left. He
lets somebody smoke an entire box of shatter. That's not that.
Now we're bringing outside business into an inside meeting. Let's
not Let's not do that right now, Lara me okay, okay.
(41:49):
So you see that's three for go to Hell. There's
only one other employee. I really think that we've I think,
I mean, you can go ahead and get your voice
in if you would like to. Laramie's brother, whose name
I never cared to learn, you can get your voting
if you would like. Other than that, it's Jeremy. His
(42:09):
name is Jeremy. Gather around, Zen Temple employees, please gather right. Okay,
maybe maybe no owns compression. It's a compression, please, and
then there's also compression. Thank you for the full thought
(42:32):
out conversations. Well, my brothers and sisters, we have received
a letter. No, don't get too excited. It's not from Tibet.
Yeah they have not. We have. We have not been
called up to the highest zen temples just yet. It's
from our neighbors next door at the marijuana dispensary. At
(42:53):
the marijuana dispensary, what do they have to say that
could interest us? Are you all right? Man? Looks? I
went over there to deliver our letter, and then I
got edibles, and I I feel like I'm detached from
(43:15):
my body. He's access. I feel like another level of meditations. Wait, well,
hold on, we gotta be very specific here, Larry. Are
you sure you ain't edibles? Or did you use a
mutane letter to smoke an entire box of shatter? That
was what I did it first. I used that first,
and then I was like, I don't want to put
dangerous chemicals into my lungs. So I got edibles. And
(43:36):
now I don't know if alive or if I'm dead,
or if I'm here. Maybe maybe you should be the
one to answer their question. They wrote one question, would
you like to meet us in Hell? Oh? Well, I'm
looking I don't I can't see it. It's look, the
(43:56):
weeds place is supposed to be next to his end
temple or something, so just keep your eyes open. I
just don't know why it's not popping up. Said that
you've been here several times, Yes I have, But I
just was are you using words like supposed to be
next to then there? I think it was. I was
a little ripped out of my just go camping and
(44:16):
not that high? Can't we just go camping? You go
to the woods to get high, that you can relax
and enjoy nature with my two best friends. Fair, fair,
but we can do both, sicily, we can do both. Yeah,
we knew where the fucking dispensary was, and that's where
(44:37):
his problem is? Right, God, where is it? Just like nothing?
I can't pull up ways. I'm driving right now. This
is a six V. I'm not gonna take my eyes
off the goddamn road. Okay, somebody please SERI would you seriously?
I'm not su have an android. I have an Oh God,
(44:58):
broke through the android. Hu huh Yes, Hello, Siri, Hi,
it's it's it's me. You don't gotta say your name.
It's a robotic. I don't know you man. Just talk
to Sirie. They don't start a conversation, just say whatever.
You're really responsive. This is way different than my it's us.
I'm not going to use the name. I'll use that now.
(45:19):
I know who you are. Ye Hi. We are going
about to go camping, so that's gonna be fun. I heard,
I heard Scily is excited. She really wants to go relax.
I'm excited. But we're looking for the marijuana place that's
supposed they're on here next. Well, I'm not going to
tell you exactly that because I agree with Cecily. Um.
I think sometimes people, I think sometimes people um confuse
(45:42):
relaxation time with party time, and those are two different things.
And if you smoke too much weed or the animal
that hits you wrong, nothing relaxing about that. Cecily, you
go girl, wait wait wait, wait wait, she'sn't listening to
us this whole time. Did you say, yeah, can't we
do both? If you're like me? Yeah? No no, Because
(46:06):
last time I took a little well, I was just
trying to relax. I started thinking this robot, what do
you talk? This thing smoked weed? What is going on?
What the hell is that? You can now arrived at
your destination. Oh great, wow, I missed it. I gotta
turn around to God, damn, there you saw. Okay, Larry,
you seem to be on another another level. We will
(46:27):
listen to you. Everyone. Your shoes need to be off
still though, Okay, I just I'm sorry you wanted to
apologize for throwing up into your shoes the other day.
And it'll never happen again. He's ghost white. I mean,
I think we should make him throw up again or something.
Don't make him throw up again. Don't think you gotta
get it out of his system. Though. I feel like,
(46:51):
wait a second, are I gonna die if I? Larry,
just give us one second when you do some quiet
homes at the side while I have a quick conversation.
I don't know now what if we go next door?
They're the experts in this situation. Okay, let me guys,
have you looked next door? There's nothing next door right now?
(47:14):
That mean there's a void. There's some people sitting in
a car yelling at each other, a very handsome black
guy and some average looking whites yelling at each other,
and nothing is there. This is a big empt over.
Let me see. Oh, this is a narrow window there.
Let me just see. Oh my god, that black man
(47:35):
is unusually attractive. He's very handsome. But there's no there's
nothing else there. Are you going to make me meet them?
In hell? Let me just check? Let me go outside. Okay,
Oh my gosh. I hate to describe what we just saw,
(47:57):
but he just nope. I mean he was sucked into avoid.
He just got sucked into avoid. I did want to
describe it. But maybe this is it. Maybe this is
the moment. Maybe this is enlightenment. Maybe we discovered it,
they reached I don't know how you have done that, though, Murder.
You just you're kind of newer here and seems like
(48:19):
you weren't even like there on the level just yet.
Why don't you step outside and see if you go
into the enlightenment void? Okay, but we don't really know
what this void is. I mean, it could be the
highest my shoes. But he still on the outside of
(48:41):
my body. Can somebody say something to make him calm
so he can tell us what Larry I saw. What's
gonna happen to you? Your skin is gonna follow. You
have arrived at your destination. You have arrived at your destination. Series. Stop,
(49:06):
God damn it, thank you, Siri, Bye bye. I haven't
heard nothing from my modelling agent. Nothing yet, really mean,
I mean that modeling agent trip to like distract you,
but then I cann't find anything out until Monday. I'm
the kind of guy who could sit around talking about
(49:26):
modeling agents all weekend and I love it. But look around,
look around, Serry said, we've reached our destination. Look around
any weed. I don't even see buildings, well except for
this temple. Is that Siri Sirie series welcome crab his
(49:52):
chin and blowing his face. It's fake. It's fake. Only
stuff has been fake this whole time. I'm sorry I
used that to touch you, because to try it fake
are not as things like the last resort in hand
I touching my eyebolser mounting. It was fake. It was fake.
(50:19):
It was okay, okay, okay, let's fake it. So Hell's
definitely a bit of a ride. I say, well, we
tried it. We we we took the both. We all
decided we go to Hell. And it is really it's
really something. It's something different. You know they have rocks
(50:41):
here too. Maybe this is just maybe just this is
just like the sticky, icky talking. But what if what
we've been searching for this whole time has been inside
of us all along? Please elaborate, won't you? That's like,
oh I have Maybe it's just that sweet sweet Ganji talking,
(51:03):
But I feel like what we were searching for, well
we have to do is look into ourselves. Maybe maybe
it's maybe that time no one's going to aggresh. Maybe
(51:26):
it's all the weed. But I was thinking that that
may be the only thing that we mad Max Fury
Road that like thunder stormy. Yeah, And now it's just
(51:49):
like what if what if we've already been there? Like
what if that's already happened in time? So it's already guys,
I think I know what you're saying. Maybe the thing
that we've been and this could just be the purple
curcle speaking all right? Am I am? I correcting that?
(52:13):
Or no? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that maybe it could be, Yeah,
it could be. What if the treasure that we're seeking
is the present that we have in front of us currently? WHOA,
(52:34):
I've arrived at your destination. WHOA, we're six and that's
seen three everybody, that's our third. I think we really
arrived somewhere together as a unit. You know what I mean? No, okay,
Joe any because that's my first time hosting, and so
if you could like be there for me, all right,
(52:56):
then well why don't we just take about way and
thank all of our alchemists. Let start with you, Mr
Gary Anthony Williams, thank you for being here. Where can
we find you? What is going on? You can find
it at Gary Anthony will Um on Instagram. I have
a new cartoon I'm in starting very soon call Harper House.
And during this podcast, I just realized, you know how
(53:20):
I can put a pen on your lip balancing with
your lip. Since I have a mustache now, which I
never had until fairly fairly fairly recently, I can no
longer do that. I'm sorry about that. What you learned
that during the recording of this podcast, I was doing it,
tried it early on and I realized I can't hold
it up there because I was just looking for something
(53:42):
to do, and I realized I couldn't hold it up
there anymore. House Harper House, though you say, yeah, yeah,
but more importantly, I can't do Balance the Family. I
think I think the I think that your new animated
series is that cool. H Jackie Ruthie or can you
be found where do you want people to find you
(54:04):
on the internet? Thank you for being here as well where?
Thank you so much for having me what a blast. Um,
I'm at Jackie d Ruthie on the socials and I'm
more active on Instagram than than anything else. Um. Yeah,
that's that's that's what's up. Yeah, let's take a second.
So you're you're one of the people that love to
share on Instagram, like you see, if you see a
(54:26):
good time, you want others to have a good time. Absolutely.
Do you want me to shout out some of my
favorite people? Give it to us? We got time, We're ending, Yes, yes,
Okay guys. Eric Thurston and I believe that his thing
is at Eric is Thurston. Um, he's a magician, he's
a friend, he's a comedian and he's a legitimately very
(54:48):
good magician, but he's also super funny. Um. I share
a lot of his stuff and he's who I'd like
to give a special shout out to to today. And
you just did see thank you thank you for giving
me the opera unity because she that's her thing, she
like pays it forward, you know what I mean? All
like all like animated series, animated series. You know, she's
like outside of herself, and that we did an episode
(55:12):
on my new animated series about magic. James, Dude, I
hope I did okay hosting for the first She did amazing.
I was really impressed. I couldn't have pictured it going
better any other way with with you running it. But
I did want to say, well, I can't balance a
pen or anything. But oh oh, ever since ever since
(55:38):
I got my vaccine, metal sticks to my skin? An
episode flagged because James like, we just hold on, wait
for it. Have you guys seen that video? I'm sorry,
she says she I've just found this out at lunch,
(55:59):
That's what she says, starts up. I don't know if
you've ever left. She starts pressing things on her face. Joey,
Joey Greer, Where where where can people find you on
the internet if they want to find you? The answer is,
I'm going to find them. But that's how that's how
it works. But you can check out alchemy this on Instagram?
(56:22):
Do you run that? Who runs up? We all run
it everywhere. Let's who runs the world. We are all
all the Alchemists and also check out Alchemy this pot
I believe on Reddit and um all right, and also
let's think our engineer and producer, Mr Doug Burn at
(56:48):
i heeart Media. That's right, and please write to us
at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com. And until
next time, everybody from the hell
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This I am
your guest host, Chris Alvarado. Yes, that Kevin Pollock. Yeah,
what's that? I do end shocked at the amount of
work that I do not book considering all of my experience,
my looks, and my connections. But I digress. Let's meet
(00:22):
our alchemishall we in no particular orders. Say hello to
Jackie Gonzalez, to Ruth the Electric Eel Electric Eel of
the east Side. Is your husband a good dancer? Yeah
he is, he is. We used to go out dancing
a lot before you know the pandemic hit. What do
you do? But we have a great I should put it.
(00:44):
I should show it somehow for the for the patreon um.
But we have a great photo from a wedding, from
someone else's wedding that like that bride framed for me
and it's us, just like dancing Nasty on the dance
for I love the idea of you and your husband dancing. No,
that sounds weird. I love the idea of watching Pat
Babbitt dance nasty is a just dropped his name up.
(01:07):
Look over there, everybody, It is James Heeny, Vixen of Venice.
Are you a good swimmer. I'm an excellent swimmer. When
I was in high school, I beat the state champion
in a swimming race, but I never actually competed myself.
But in all fairness, he said that it was because
(01:28):
I wasn't using whatever forms they have to do and
I used the side of the pool to push off.
There's a whole bunch of things that made me a cheater.
All I remember was I beat him, So that was that, James,
I love this as a movie idea, where like the
professional swimmer with all you know, the all like the
I don't know if there's swim gear, and then you
the roughneck right, just coming in just like natural born abilities. Yeah,
(01:53):
I don't. I mean, I'm still friends if I should
find out what exactly it was. I broke some sort
of rules where he was like, well, yeah, you beat me,
but like we're when you're doing swim races, you're not
allowed to just do whatever you want to get to
the other side. It was like, well that's how I roll.
Speaking of rolling, can we please welcome Gary Anthony Williams.
(02:14):
You must have read about me doing that tuck and
roll competition when I was eight that viper of the valley.
Can you name a comedy hero of yours growing up?
Growing up comedy hero? I don't know if he was comedy,
but uh, rich Little I used to love to watch
do impersonations. Rich Little was his name, and he did. Man.
(02:42):
That man. He could open his mouth and you expected
his sound to come out of his mouth, but it
sounded like somebody else had got in his Have you heard,
by the way, Chris. I have a movie call Baby
as You Talking that's gonna be coming out this fall.
And it's like I can at my baby talking, and
I think my baby get hi, my baby talking about I.
(03:04):
I can't. I don't know if other people get him
my baby talking. It's called babies. You're talking? Okay, thank you. Well,
we'll look out for that baby. And I say this
a lot a lot in it? Baby, Is you talking
a lot? I said a lot in the movie and Less.
(03:24):
But let James handle your tech if you think him least.
It's Joey Greer many mumbling Miami mice get gets nothing. Okay,
I mean nada? Actually okay, I'll take you know. This
(03:46):
is something really personal. I don't want to bring this up,
but I man because nothing I do. I do want
for one thing, and it's kind of universal wanted. Well,
it's no, Jackie, it's not definition inside my bicep. Now
that's not what I want. What I do want is, um,
(04:07):
I want my feet removed and I want all right,
let's do show. So. All of our scene suggestions are
gathered from listeners, emails, or from our Patreon v I
p s. To become a Patreon supporter of the show
and enjoy exclusive content and other perks, just head on
over to Patreon dot com slash alchemy this. If you
like to submit a scene suggestion via email, please write
(04:30):
to the podcast at our new email address, alchemy This
email at gmail dot com. That's alchemy this. Okay, this
is exciting for me. Okay, I love this first scene suggestion.
It comes from Patreon alchemaniac Joseph, who simply wrote, pharmacy,
(04:53):
let's go number five, number five please? That's me, David. Yeah,
they oh girl, Hey, yeah, I know where we went together. Hey.
How are you doing, girl? I'm I'm I'm doing pretty well.
You look amazing. You know. The doctors can't figure out
(05:15):
what it is. Uh, they checked my muscle definition yesterday
they said, I have the muscle definition of someone at
least three years younger than me. My bone structure, it said,
my bone structure is I'm gonna read this to you now.
Your bone structure is stella. How can I do for you? Baby? Girl?
You look your hair looked literally the same as the
last time I saw you, and I just stopped growing
(05:38):
after high school. It was it was weird, but I
said a lot of money on haircuts. It picked a
perfect place to stop growing. I tell you that right now, Caroline,
What can I do for you? I'm a pharmacist. Now, girl,
I have a a rash? Is what party about it?
(05:58):
It's like lower stomach, lower tummy. M it's pretty low.
Step no, no, just step into it. So what do
you mean are you like dating now? I mean that
seems like you went to like third base quick. It
was honestly incredible and like usually the rash of supers
were painful, but it felt like his hands on there.
(06:21):
It felt like I don't. I mean, maybe it's because
I haven't been touched in ten years, or maybe it
was like an electric connection. I don't know connection. I
saw him that once, um at that guy's funeral, that
guy that was on the football team. Um, and then
he got it was like a really hard hit because yeah, Braxton,
(06:43):
I saw him at that funeral, and I was tuned
nervous to say hi. I thought maybe he wouldn't know me.
And then and then he's rubbing lotion on my I mean,
let's be real. Yeah, no, outer uterus. It's like almost that,
you know, and so like he just did this, like
you did this right there. Everybody's the back room, alright, students.
(07:05):
Students pay attention to So we're just talking to students,
because students, you cannot spell the words studios without mostly spelling. Students.
Please listen on the screen you'll see did I'm sorry,
Mr McCarthy, Did I hear a moan from you? Or
(07:27):
a sign? I am sorry? I just this is boring.
What am I African to need? The human body? Number one,
you're using it right now. Look around you, Look around you,
look around you. Everybody in here has a human body.
Today we're going to study not only the inner utero. Yes,
(07:49):
I could make an argument that I actually don't have
a human body. Because I was four, something happened to me.
I was taken open to the moon and I came
back not myself. All right, then class is officially dismissed.
Different Wait wait, hold on, some of us are here
(08:11):
to learn, too late, too late to learn. Now she's
been taken up unto the moon, and she can prove
she doesn't have a human body. That means what I
was about to teach you about the inn and outo
universe is absolutely useful. Uh. Classes are joined. Go do
whatever you students normally do. Classes are joined, So say that.
(08:34):
Excuse me? I am looking for, um, a pharmacist that
can Uh. Is there somebody that can help you with
a private miss? Did you take a number? Did you
take a number? I did take a number. I'm sorry.
I just this is I've got a fifteen minute work break. Uh,
and then i'd have to use my lunch break, which
is thirty minutes. But I take that for personal time.
(08:55):
Number four, number four, number four. No, that's not true.
You're not like you can't be number four. Shut up? Okay,
just gonna help you. How can I help you? Listen,
I've got um there's a rash, it's itchy. Oh she's
off today. What I know you're looking for? And he's
(09:18):
off today? What can you do? They can you put
the clam on my hand and then the cram on
your rash and you feel electricity. He's off today. Um,
I'll have one filet mignon, and can I get the
side of the mashed potatoes? Of course? How would that
(09:40):
the mash potatoes cooked, not um mashed, the medium rare, rare?
How would that your potatoes? I'm sorry you're talking to me.
I'm sorry. I thought she was still talking to Caroline. Please, David, sorry,
how would I like? How would I like my I'm
sorry I got I literally got lost in in her
eyes and I could not use will always to get
(10:01):
out of that. I love that. You know what's so great?
I when I dropped off the water, you looked a
little older. You look a little younger right now. I
just I literally, I literally just came from the doctor,
like right before I go a lot to make sure
everything is fine. The doctor says that I'm a little
younger than I was yesterday. You know that song? I
(10:24):
love you more today than yesterday, not as much as tomorrow.
Somehow that applies. Uh, how do I want my potatoes?
Oh my god, Brian, don't look now, but my ex
is sitting at that table over there, the pharmacist. Oh
(10:44):
my god. Yeah, we only had relations in the office
and now he's like out in public. No, no, no, no,
I no I want. I asked for it, besidically asked.
Did you work at the pharmacy? Well no, I had
a problem with my with my my butt problem. No
(11:04):
I never Hi, can we get two more? Sorry? The
card was declined two more? Please? I'm just before I
why did you run the card before we were talking?
We always do that when it's over three hundred? We are?
(11:24):
We past three already well passed. I'm gonna need another card.
Excuse me? What is what? What is that gentleman ordering
over there, the one in the lab coat who looks
younger than he actually is. He ordered a rare mashed potatoes?
Oh my god? He what? He what? I'll give you
a card if you can give him this note from me.
(11:45):
Thank you very much, all right, and I'll give you
a card. We do not hold on. I need a
car now and I just wanted to We do not
take discover, so um, could you maybe I should just
could you bring the card we gave you back and
then I can just call the number and maybe I'll
just straighten it out with the bank. Excuse me, I'm
(12:09):
almost une washing my hands. You don't you can just
wait a little bit for the sink. I just it's
just that there's there's only one sinks. Slide it to you.
But I'm almost done. So when when I'm done, you
can rash. You can take Excuse me, I'm sorry I
didn't say anything. It sounded like you just said rash
(12:30):
like I have a rash. Why would I say that?
It's okay, I don't know your phone left. I'm gonna
need your card when you when you come out, they
need you outside. That's it's actually I'll lock the door
for a little privacy. I know what you're I know
what you're up to. Really close to me? Who are you?
(12:52):
Did you just censor yourself? I'll tell you. I am okay, okay,
I'm your worst nightmare. Did you just sensor yourself? Well,
that's what we're doing, right, okay? Fine? Why where where
did he touch you? What where did he touch you?
My father? That's wild? Yes, So, I mean we're just
(13:12):
celebrating the anniversary. Right, you pop over here, you get
the mash potatoes. We got the mashed potatoes too, right,
and I'm just thinking about myself. Then we gotta know
this guy. We gotta know this guy. I got mine Rare,
I got mine bred. Excuse me, my my lady friend
went to the restroom. Is it all right if you
have your wife go to the restroom and check all
(13:33):
my lady friend? Oh, I mean do you want to
do that. I don't want to go to the rest room.
You know what? I got some here here. Take this
little pills. It'll make it run out of you. All right,
you're go go, all right. It always helps me. Okay, yeah,
back to this mass potato. I understand you, and you
(13:56):
understand me. This is I'm looking in a mirror. Oh,
somebody's locked to a mirror. But I'm not looking into
the actual physical mirror. I'm looking at you, and you're
reflecting a version of the doors that's exact. Just step away.
I'm waiting for a card. I'm waiting for how I feel. Now.
I want to make something perfectly clear. He's a good man.
(14:19):
He I can yes, sixty dollars and I got this
RV for forty two grant. Alright, how to forgive me?
Let let me step back. You're talking fast, and this
is great, the normal price for sixty thousand, but somehow
you were able to finagle and file for two because
(14:46):
the rash was inside exactly and mine although being outside physically.
Excuse me, excuse me, ma'am. You either need to enter
the bathroom and you to go back to your table,
because right now it's a massive fire hazard in the kitchen.
I'm waiting if I'm waiting for a woman to come
(15:07):
out with a card. So it's it's all right, I'll
go back to my Excuse me, don't just tiff me, Greg,
don't just tiff me. I'm trying to. I'm just trying to.
I'm just trying to make this smooth operating. If you're
just floating around like you're just supposed to do roll ups,
those pills really are working with the bathrooms locked, and
(15:30):
this is what's nuts, right, So I'm on the sixte
hold on, brother, I love your stories. I love them
because they all have a number in them, and I
love that. Hold on, did you say that the bathroom
is the bathrooms locked? And those pills really do make
it go straight through you and it's an emergency at
this point. Excuse me, my new friend, this is trouble.
You can walk with me and keep talking with me
(15:51):
if you want, but we're going to the bathroom. I'm
getting my lady friend out of it. So I want
the best for you. I want you to shine like
the stars, brighter than the moon, surrounded by the sun.
Hey not not not? Hey not not not? That sounds like, David,
are you in there? I'm gonna hide in the stall.
(16:12):
You go do this. Thank you, Caroline. You and they're
you okay? Oh God, oh God, stalls stalls us occupied occupied, Caroline.
I was worried. I got to be honest. I hadn't
seen you since high school, and I thought that I
would never see you again after that moment you were
(16:32):
thinking about me. But when I saw you at Braxton's funeral,
you barely even made eye contact. You didn't realize that
was That was when I first started seeing the doctor.
I was legally blind for a whole year. That year,
my god, I started seeing the doctor. I started taking
a supplement supplement that I take when I eat raw potatoes.
I either rock potato and a supplement every evening or
rare potato. I didn't see you there. You saw me,
(16:57):
but I didn't see you now I now truly see Caroline,
and I see you, and I want you and I
need you right here right now. Hi American Express, Yes, Hi,
I like to apply for a credit card. Is that
the voice of Is that the voice of my exit
behind that stuff? It's okay, we're best friends now, Hi, Hi,
(17:24):
it's nice to see you. It's express. It's really nice
to see you. Do you need to deal with the
credit card situation? Can't be in the bathroom at the
same time. This is a massive fire hazard. This is
a massive fire I can't go in tips. You gotta
handle this. One person in the stall, could be one
person at the sink, but all five of you in here,
just hot hot box in the place with what in stink?
(17:47):
Excuse me? I don't know who's the manager. Who's the
shift Sally? Not me? We're neither of us, are We're
both servers. If you could find the manager and tell
him I'd like to buy this restaurant just for the
eight I'd like to buy the restaurant for then you
want to do another night? Do you do you mean
rent the restaurant? I mean by the night to purchase it.
(18:11):
Like to say a man was going to buy a
sixty thousand dollar vehicle, but he actually was able to
work down the price for forty five thousand. He actually
buys it pretty good. I don't want to let me
to interrupt with this. Lady has what seems to be
diarrhea running down her like, Oh, it's so super person. Look,
every one of you in this room have meant something
(18:33):
special to me tonight, and that's why I want to
buy the restaurant. And oh boy, I never thought i'd
do this. Caroline. Yes, your hair perfect. It was the
last day I saw you, and you look younger and
more defined. It's who I am right here in front
(18:54):
of God and everybody's here. I can feel him. He's here.
Ran On, will you will you? Will you marry me? Caroline?
To do this in front of you and in front
of my new best friend coming happy. I'm so happy. Great,
(19:21):
I'm gonna need a card from from you. And I
just seen one. Everybody, I mean, why would we ruin that, Joey,
It's a happy ending, you know what I mean. Seen
two comes from listener Kristen Kelly, who wrote many of
(19:45):
the Alchemy This listeners have mentioned that when listening to
the podcast in public, like during their daily commute or
at their office job. They often start laughing like a
crazy person, much to the confusion of their fellow commuters
or coworkers. Can you do a scene from the point
of view of these poor, confused outsiders. So we're doing
(20:07):
the scene that the people who are watching the people laugh? Um,
excuse me, excuse me, Yes, I'm listening. I'm sorry, Take
your headphone, take your take your headphones off. I was reading.
I did have headphones on, but more importantly, I'm reading
a book. Oh really, yes, And so you're not laughing
(20:33):
at me. No, no, you just started laughing when I
sat down here. No, no, hold on, I'm reading a
There's never been a fucking book that's made me laugh
conveniently right when I sit down. But what book is that?
It's give it to me character. This isn't funny. These
(20:56):
pages are funny. I'm sorry, what Caroline, that's there? Larry's Yeah,
who sitting next to you want to bust I'm gonna
(21:17):
said somewhere else. Good Dap Stewart. I don't know what
it is, but you do got that kind of face.
I don't know what to tell you. People just laugh
at your face. It's just one of these things. I mean,
is it? So I'm humorous? I want you to know, right,
I'm I am humorless. That's why we can have this conversation.
(21:39):
So I'm just trying to picture in my head a
funny face, because I've seen people with some faces that weren't,
you know, symmetrical, or like there's problems with them, but
never something that's funny to Usually it's something I don't think,
so I don't think so. And if there's anything wrong
with my face, it's probably the fact. Well you're laughing
at it right now thinking about her, know, so you
(22:00):
see you see what I'm saying, sir, Well, I I
feel like it's crazy for me to explain to you
my face because you're looking at it all right. But
I'm just saying I don't think it's a funny thing.
I think, if anything, when I see somebody else's space
that looks weird, I just look the other way, or
I start ground or want to do it. Want you
do a little experiment on don't you just take public
transportation all over the city and just kind of see
(22:22):
what happens. I'm sure my face is normal enough that
I won't have problems, Deborah, I understand. I will definitely
get to these reports in by end of day. Now
you're probably wondering why I'm in such a good mood. Yeah,
you're usually crying a lot, and I'm happy that you're not.
(22:47):
What it surprise you know? What? Did it surprise you
to learn that I found something magical in my life? No?
Not religion, No, not a man, No, not s S R. Desert.
I really I'm listening to I'm listening to a podcast. Okay,
do you know what? Do you know? What do you
(23:07):
listen to? Podcast? Um? I listened to one pod. You
should listen to one more. You should listen to one more. Okay,
you know what I'm gonna say. I'm gonna send you
a link right now that you can listen to something
that's about to change your life. Yeah. The judge gave
us a fifteen minute recess, and it's been fourteen so
I got to get back in there. But you're gonna
(23:29):
listen right sure? Yeah? Yeah, write it down. UM, I'm
gonna send you a link and then you see it
and you can listen to immediately. That's even better. Not
it's not God, it's not a man. The judge has
requested that everyone bringing the balls that were handed out
as well as the two jump ropes, the two jump
(23:49):
ropes that were handed up, please bring them inside. Um, Judge,
I I do have a lord. This is George Jones
uh speaking. Can the members of the courtroom here? Man?
Can everyone in the courtroom here, man as I speak?
(24:13):
Right here? Here? Here, here, here, Sir in the corner,
did you hear about didn't you have your ear phones in?
And it seems like maybe you didn't help me. I'm sorry,
I said, could everybody in the court take please, so
at least take out one of your pa Well, he
just said one, so maybe I'll just stick with one
(24:34):
in there and then one out. I'm sorry, you're honor,
you were saying. I was saying that it did. I
was about to ask you if everybody well, I'm sorry.
What do you you? Bailiff? Dude? I'll knock you out, dude.
Oh boy, here we are, here we go. I'll knock
you out, dude. What's up? Bailiff? Did you not enjoy
your recess? I had the balls out there for y'all
(24:56):
and the jump rope? Did you get your putting? I
put out a whole. I didn't get a snack, and
I think that's why I'm upset. Oh my, may I
suggest you you get a snack before you come back
in the courtroom. Bailiff, if you should be so kind
to escort him out to my car. Here, here's the key.
(25:16):
In the glove compartment, I have one of those refrigerator
glove compartments. I have an uncovered bowl of tapio pudding
with a little animal cracker. Sounds good, that sounds good.
I'm sorry for acting up, Judge Winston. I wanted to
(25:36):
talk Weasel of the West Side or something. Yeah, yeah,
he's gone mad. He's not mad, he's gone mad, losing
(25:56):
the key boarder. Who's in the Who's to tell a
pretty guilty or not guilty one around and tell everyone
the judge has gone mad. We got all the balls,
all the jump ropes, red rovers going down, and it's
gonna be harsh. I'm breaking risks tonight. You're gonna break rists. Yeah,
we're gotta lock down the entire court. Okay. We gotta
make sure that everyone stays inside of their rooms. We've
(26:17):
got to make sure that they're occupied. Okay, So I
mean DVDs of Shawshank. Redemption should be distributed to every
single room, all right, and if that doesn't work, we
got to find another four and a half movie. We
just gotta do it on repeat. These individuals, these jurors, lawyers,
everyone's working here, all the federal employees. They need to
be occupied. Their attention needs to be focused. We gotta
judge's gone mad now. If anybody has any problems with us,
(26:39):
you can just talk to me right now, or you
can leave me a little voice message, and I want
that to be written and dictated back to me by
an individual that I have. Yes, I'll have several questions
for you. Okay, okay, hold on. We need those questions
to be written down then dictated to me in a voicemail. Alright, individuals,
hold down, how do I need to get them to you?
You need to write those down. An individual that has
(27:00):
been designated by the court should dictate them in a
voicemail sent to me. Okay, Now, my office are only
from nine am am. All right, So you got about
a fifteen in a window, give or take what. I'm
gonna be there, all right now, every snack, Well, I'm
glad you came to see me. Um, your face is
a little odd. Um, But I wouldn't say it's I
(27:23):
wouldn't say it's something dangerous. No, I didn't expect it
to be dangerous. But is it funny looking? Sure? Sure
you're not laughing, um, I said, because I've done all
my laughing this afternoon. I finished it up before the
laders shift. Now I'm gonna write you a prescription. Okay,
(27:44):
now this. Do you have access to the internet. Yeah, nicely,
I have access to the internet on my phone. This
is even better, even better. You don't even need this prescription? Then, well,
what can I have it? You want it just for fun?
That's weird. Well, no, I just don't know what it
is like. Oh, I'll just tell you. I'll just tell you,
(28:06):
so put your phone out, okay, oh ship, is that
an android? Of course it's an android. It's desire. Thank
you for visiting me in the hospital. I aren't really
fucked up. When the judge went mad and then everyone
was just going crazy. Someone took a tetherball pole and
(28:27):
it was a strong man and was just swinging it
around like Amazon. I broke three ribs, fractured my wrist.
You don't look good, but I feel amazing. Shut up.
You listened. I listened. I listened to that podcast. Okay.
Can we just talk quickly? Like, okay, who's your favorite
(28:48):
go one? Richard? What Richard? Oh no, I don't think
you listened to the right podcast. Wait a second. It
was like a murder mystery. I'm sorry, but your time
has ended for the Internet. If you want to purchase
more time, you're gonna have to either buy a coffee
(29:10):
or I don't drink coffee. I told you I don't
drink coffee. Okay, okay, could I could? I just can
I just pay for the time on the computer? You can,
but we'd prefer if you bought a coffee. Daryl, would
you please just hurry this guy along. There's a line
building up behind I don't want the line behind me.
(29:34):
These are medical things that I'm looking at in the computer. Okay,
so just give me five minutes of privacy. Your time
is expired. If you want more Internet, you're gonna have
to buy a coffee. It's just that if I get
up to get the coffee, one of these assholes behind
me you can't take my seat, and then they're gonna
see all my medical records. Don't you see the problem.
(29:55):
Gary Anthony Williams, Any Williams, I'm an actor, have a seat.
Thank you for responding to the subpoena in a timely fashion.
Of course. I'm sorry. By the way, I'm I have
a hot um stand up set tonight, so I'm a
little on right now. I hope that doesn't bug you. Um,
(30:17):
I don't really understand what you're talking about. Now listen,
I will be recording this deposition, if that's okay with you. Yeah,
speaking of deposition. Uh like I was dating this French
girl and she used the word deposition, right, Mr Gary
Anthony Williams. Um it, I have the numbers in front
of me. Okay, listen. A lot of people have been
(30:38):
quote unquote losing their minds um off their rockers, going berserkers,
and these are all specifically specifically podcast. What's the podcast?
It's you. It's you, sir. It's when you guess on
a podcast, people lose their ship. Okay, I'm just gonna
(31:01):
say it's okay, that's recording. What do you have to
say for yourself? Not a lot. To be honest with you,
I was gonna break into some of my stand up routine.
You're hurting people I know, oh you know that. Of course,
I know you're sick. Mother, I'm Gary. Baby, Look, you're
gonna have to come up with a new set. I mean,
(31:23):
everyone saw the deposition tape, but we just can't film
it for your owner. I mean, that's just how it is,
so just because they saw it. I can't reuse this stuff,
That's what I'm saying. I can't reuse the stuff of that.
And that was gold that I gave in my deposition.
I can't reuse that dollar has been melted down and
it's been used to make some kind of horseshoe. Alright,
so you can't use it anymore. Do you catch what
(31:43):
I'm saying? I do. But you know how long it
took me to get that that high hour I had?
You know how long it took me to build that.
I don't know, Gary, Come no time, brother, I got this.
Don't worry about it. Listen, Baby, I know you were
a junior agent, but I'm the top agent here. Okay,
to make some changes, baby, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright.
(32:05):
First of all, those shoes, Okay, no more laces. It's
the year of the loafer, you understand, baby. Alright, sliding there.
We've got some here, Christina. Can you bring in the loafers? Alright?
Couple other things, Okay, hair do, hair do. It's a
dry look this year, baby, dry. Look. You gotta get
rid of that pommade. No showers, the loafers, thank you,
(32:27):
But I just want to make it clear, this is
my last loafer run. No, Christina, don't say that you're
you're a star baby. Tell them, baby, Christina, when you
go in there to day. If these motherfuckers try to
get you to deliver a shoe, you look your grass
out of there. You understand what I'm saying. I got
your back, girl, Thank you. You know what. You're free.
I don't working a fucking dsw You don't work a
(32:48):
foot locker. Baby, Christina, where's all this heat coming from.
You've been talking to that crazy janitor. Crazy janitor. He's
the love of my life. Oh baby, talk to her. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
go on, Christina. I'm good, earl, I'm good, Christina. Alright, Christina, look,
(33:12):
look all right, I understand what this is all about. Christina.
You said you have ideas, you said you had projects
you want to pitch. I told you i'd give you
the time. Of day. I haven't done that yet. Now's
your time. Now is your time? What are you? What
are you watching? What are you listening to? Podcast? And
one podcast only? All right? The murder Mystery. It's about
a man named Richard who goes missing and has found
(33:34):
in a giant hole in Nevada. He makes seventy four,
but he's actually twenty three. You think that the sun
would have aged him, but actually it was a weird agent,
liquid agent that he was made to drink by alien
shot to the moon. You'll sit down. I noticed, look
(33:54):
all swollen, but my funeral crincht and said he's tinny lover's.
I don't know if my my bones are broken, but
I got all these tiny bones. But there, that's what.
That's why you're here, buddy. Sit on. Let me see.
Let me take a look at those feet. Let's see
if we can't get the loafers off. Hold on, no, no, no, no,
(34:15):
no no no no hold on. Let me call Jackson
to help. Hey, easy, two words, easy, let me call
Jackson to help. Jackson get in here. Oh my god. Alright, alright,
Elve's got his foot in a situation with some tiny loafers.
Thereat his bones is broken. I want to help him,
(34:37):
but these shoes stuck on the show. Oh I got
I got our surgical sisters. We can cut those load first,
right off? I mean the way my foots art right now,
it's disgusted, and just cut these away. Oh the skin,
the skin was folding. Okay, okay, takes shallow breaths. Should
(35:15):
I try to cut the other loafer off? Stuff? Landon?
I've been waiting for our meeting for over five minutes.
You know, you know Julia Roberts doesn't like to wait.
You know she doesn't like to wait. Are you you
calling me by my first name? Now? Christina? Baby, I'm
the top agean here. Well, baby, I've got Julia robertson
(35:37):
there waiting, and she's disturbed. She's hearing a bunch of
people yelling in other rooms. People sounds like people are
getting sought in half, and she's freaking out. She's about
to leave. You're about to leave the biggest client. Alright, alright, alright, baby, alright, alright.
Gives her a message for me. Okay, but it needs
to be I'm gonna voice record it and then you
you read it out loud to her. Okay, Okay, are
(35:58):
dead movies Dead. She can do TV, so she can
do TV. It didn't need you to dictate that it
was a voice memoi. I could hear it. And that's
our second scene, scene three. Everybody is from Patreon v
(36:19):
I p jesse Hahn, who wrote, Hello, Alchemists. I'd like
to see a zen temple dealing with their new neighbors
and all the crazy characters and l A pot Shop
might be home to Never Stop. Yes, the answer you
didn't write, but I have read it a couple of times,
(36:41):
and so what I'm gathering. What I'm deducing here is
that there's a zen temple next to an l A
pot shop and they got to deal with the people there.
Jesse Han ends this by saying, never stop alchemy ink hmm, okay,
keeping Oh oh the window? Could you close the window
(37:13):
so fucking high? I'll close high. The fucking window is closed.
Let's go in the window. Don't you try to shut
find find your own. It's just this shatter man, shatter try.
(37:38):
I want me to try it. Uh did you say
did you say used me? I'm sorry you too. I
don't know if you could step away from this window.
But despite the fact, I guess it's because we have
very thin walls. We are hearing your conversation inside of
our meditations. But if you hurt, if you heard that
(38:01):
he was trying to tell I couldn't quite hear what
he was saying, something about shadowing. Yeah, do you want
to try some shatter? I will it get you guys
to move to the other side of the building so
that it's not right next to a window? Sure? Yeah, yeah,
all right? Does it need to be this beautane lighter?
(38:23):
What is what's going on here? Yeah? Ship man? He
did the whole block man's supposed to do. You guys,
go to the other side of the building. You're gonna
get so fucked up now, Myrna, it seems to me
that you were at a crossroads in your life. Yeah.
(38:46):
I think finding this temple was the right the right
road to follow. I thought that too, and well, and
then Larry threw up in my shoes. I had taken
off my shoes to properly be one with the ground
and feel grounded. And Larry was coughing and wrenching, and
(39:12):
may I, may I grab your chin? Yes, okay, look
at me. Okay, Oh, I'm just kind of bowing your flue. Whoa,
I was not ready for that. That's the spirit. Thank
you that it was a sensation I've never had. And
(39:35):
I feel there's more of that. I feel reset. I
feel guys get in here. Oh I was just don't
mumble in discriminately and I link socks. That's exactly what
(39:56):
I expect to hear, full, full, partial sentences mostly King
of lower leg Ware. I've been selling mirror Juana cigarettes
for quite a while. People enjoy the smooth draw will
of relation they get from the blow it in. They
the fellows next Diarth the Zen Temple sent a letter
(40:19):
over earlier from some guy named Larry, and I'm going
to read it out loud. It was written, not dictated
their owners of the Mirror Juanna shop. That's me. And
then he follows it as well as employees. That's all
of you. That's each of every one of you. We're
(40:43):
going to have to ask you to either. And then
he puts letters next a cease and d CITs be
keep down the noise outside the window or see go
to hell. Of course, I wanted to have a round
table meeting on this. You see which one you employees
(41:06):
have the Merrow Winner shop that we should do. I've
never been to Hell. Yeah, it's just okay too, because
that's too forego to Hell, because that means we don't
got to be quiet, right. I think Hell is a
rock us in loud place. Okay, So that's you feel
(41:27):
like we can't really take rockies vote because I heard
and I'm just gonna say it to you, because we're
having a round table. I heard that he left. He
lets somebody smoke an entire box of shatter. That's not that.
Now we're bringing outside business into an inside meeting. Let's
not Let's not do that right now, Lara me okay, okay.
(41:49):
So you see that's three for go to Hell. There's
only one other employee. I really think that we've I think,
I mean, you can go ahead and get your voice
in if you would like to. Laramie's brother, whose name
I never cared to learn, you can get your voting
if you would like. Other than that, it's Jeremy. His
(42:09):
name is Jeremy. Gather around, Zen Temple employees, please gather right. Okay,
maybe maybe no owns compression. It's a compression, please, and
then there's also compression. Thank you for the full thought
(42:32):
out conversations. Well, my brothers and sisters, we have received
a letter. No, don't get too excited. It's not from Tibet.
Yeah they have not. We have. We have not been
called up to the highest zen temples just yet. It's
from our neighbors next door at the marijuana dispensary. At
(42:53):
the marijuana dispensary, what do they have to say that
could interest us? Are you all right? Man? Looks? I
went over there to deliver our letter, and then I
got edibles, and I I feel like I'm detached from
(43:15):
my body. He's access. I feel like another level of meditations. Wait, well,
hold on, we gotta be very specific here, Larry. Are
you sure you ain't edibles? Or did you use a
mutane letter to smoke an entire box of shatter? That
was what I did it first. I used that first,
and then I was like, I don't want to put
dangerous chemicals into my lungs. So I got edibles. And
(43:36):
now I don't know if alive or if I'm dead,
or if I'm here. Maybe maybe you should be the
one to answer their question. They wrote one question, would
you like to meet us in Hell? Oh? Well, I'm
looking I don't I can't see it. It's look, the
(43:56):
weeds place is supposed to be next to his end
temple or something, so just keep your eyes open. I
just don't know why it's not popping up. Said that
you've been here several times, Yes I have, But I
just was are you using words like supposed to be
next to then there? I think it was. I was
a little ripped out of my just go camping and
(44:16):
not that high? Can't we just go camping? You go
to the woods to get high, that you can relax
and enjoy nature with my two best friends. Fair, fair,
but we can do both, sicily, we can do both. Yeah,
we knew where the fucking dispensary was, and that's where
(44:37):
his problem is? Right, God, where is it? Just like nothing?
I can't pull up ways. I'm driving right now. This
is a six V. I'm not gonna take my eyes
off the goddamn road. Okay, somebody please SERI would you seriously?
I'm not su have an android. I have an Oh God,
(44:58):
broke through the android. Hu huh Yes, Hello, Siri, Hi,
it's it's it's me. You don't gotta say your name.
It's a robotic. I don't know you man. Just talk
to Sirie. They don't start a conversation, just say whatever.
You're really responsive. This is way different than my it's us.
I'm not going to use the name. I'll use that now.
(45:19):
I know who you are. Ye Hi. We are going
about to go camping, so that's gonna be fun. I heard,
I heard Scily is excited. She really wants to go relax.
I'm excited. But we're looking for the marijuana place that's
supposed they're on here next. Well, I'm not going to
tell you exactly that because I agree with Cecily. Um.
I think sometimes people, I think sometimes people um confuse
(45:42):
relaxation time with party time, and those are two different things.
And if you smoke too much weed or the animal
that hits you wrong, nothing relaxing about that. Cecily, you
go girl, wait wait wait, wait wait, she'sn't listening to
us this whole time. Did you say, yeah, can't we
do both? If you're like me? Yeah? No no, Because
(46:06):
last time I took a little well, I was just
trying to relax. I started thinking this robot, what do
you talk? This thing smoked weed? What is going on?
What the hell is that? You can now arrived at
your destination. Oh great, wow, I missed it. I gotta
turn around to God, damn, there you saw. Okay, Larry,
you seem to be on another another level. We will
(46:27):
listen to you. Everyone. Your shoes need to be off
still though, Okay, I just I'm sorry you wanted to
apologize for throwing up into your shoes the other day.
And it'll never happen again. He's ghost white. I mean,
I think we should make him throw up again or something.
Don't make him throw up again. Don't think you gotta
get it out of his system. Though. I feel like,
(46:51):
wait a second, are I gonna die if I? Larry,
just give us one second when you do some quiet
homes at the side while I have a quick conversation.
I don't know now what if we go next door?
They're the experts in this situation. Okay, let me guys,
have you looked next door? There's nothing next door right now?
(47:14):
That mean there's a void. There's some people sitting in
a car yelling at each other, a very handsome black
guy and some average looking whites yelling at each other,
and nothing is there. This is a big empt over.
Let me see. Oh, this is a narrow window there.
Let me just see. Oh my god, that black man
(47:35):
is unusually attractive. He's very handsome. But there's no there's
nothing else there. Are you going to make me meet them?
In hell? Let me just check? Let me go outside. Okay,
Oh my gosh. I hate to describe what we just saw,
(47:57):
but he just nope. I mean he was sucked into avoid.
He just got sucked into avoid. I did want to
describe it. But maybe this is it. Maybe this is
the moment. Maybe this is enlightenment. Maybe we discovered it,
they reached I don't know how you have done that, though, Murder.
You just you're kind of newer here and seems like
(48:19):
you weren't even like there on the level just yet.
Why don't you step outside and see if you go
into the enlightenment void? Okay, but we don't really know
what this void is. I mean, it could be the
highest my shoes. But he still on the outside of
(48:41):
my body. Can somebody say something to make him calm
so he can tell us what Larry I saw. What's
gonna happen to you? Your skin is gonna follow. You
have arrived at your destination. You have arrived at your destination. Series. Stop,
(49:06):
God damn it, thank you, Siri, Bye bye. I haven't
heard nothing from my modelling agent. Nothing yet, really mean,
I mean that modeling agent trip to like distract you,
but then I cann't find anything out until Monday. I'm
the kind of guy who could sit around talking about
(49:26):
modeling agents all weekend and I love it. But look around,
look around, Serry said, we've reached our destination. Look around
any weed. I don't even see buildings, well except for
this temple. Is that Siri Sirie series welcome crab his
(49:52):
chin and blowing his face. It's fake. It's fake. Only
stuff has been fake this whole time. I'm sorry I
used that to touch you, because to try it fake
are not as things like the last resort in hand
I touching my eyebolser mounting. It was fake. It was fake.
(50:19):
It was okay, okay, okay, let's fake it. So Hell's
definitely a bit of a ride. I say, well, we
tried it. We we we took the both. We all
decided we go to Hell. And it is really it's
really something. It's something different. You know they have rocks
(50:41):
here too. Maybe this is just maybe just this is
just like the sticky, icky talking. But what if what
we've been searching for this whole time has been inside
of us all along? Please elaborate, won't you? That's like,
oh I have Maybe it's just that sweet sweet Ganji talking,
(51:03):
But I feel like what we were searching for, well
we have to do is look into ourselves. Maybe maybe
it's maybe that time no one's going to aggresh. Maybe
(51:26):
it's all the weed. But I was thinking that that
may be the only thing that we mad Max Fury
Road that like thunder stormy. Yeah, And now it's just
(51:49):
like what if what if we've already been there? Like
what if that's already happened in time? So it's already guys,
I think I know what you're saying. Maybe the thing
that we've been and this could just be the purple
curcle speaking all right? Am I am? I correcting that?
(52:13):
Or no? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that maybe it could be, Yeah,
it could be. What if the treasure that we're seeking
is the present that we have in front of us currently? WHOA,
(52:34):
I've arrived at your destination. WHOA, we're six and that's
seen three everybody, that's our third. I think we really
arrived somewhere together as a unit. You know what I mean? No, okay,
Joe any because that's my first time hosting, and so
if you could like be there for me, all right,
(52:56):
then well why don't we just take about way and
thank all of our alchemists. Let start with you, Mr
Gary Anthony Williams, thank you for being here. Where can
we find you? What is going on? You can find
it at Gary Anthony will Um on Instagram. I have
a new cartoon I'm in starting very soon call Harper House.
And during this podcast, I just realized, you know how
(53:20):
I can put a pen on your lip balancing with
your lip. Since I have a mustache now, which I
never had until fairly fairly fairly recently, I can no
longer do that. I'm sorry about that. What you learned
that during the recording of this podcast, I was doing it,
tried it early on and I realized I can't hold
it up there because I was just looking for something
(53:42):
to do, and I realized I couldn't hold it up
there anymore. House Harper House, though you say, yeah, yeah,
but more importantly, I can't do Balance the Family. I
think I think the I think that your new animated
series is that cool. H Jackie Ruthie or can you
be found where do you want people to find you
(54:04):
on the internet? Thank you for being here as well where?
Thank you so much for having me what a blast. Um,
I'm at Jackie d Ruthie on the socials and I'm
more active on Instagram than than anything else. Um. Yeah,
that's that's that's what's up. Yeah, let's take a second.
So you're you're one of the people that love to
share on Instagram, like you see, if you see a
(54:26):
good time, you want others to have a good time. Absolutely.
Do you want me to shout out some of my
favorite people? Give it to us? We got time, We're ending, Yes, yes,
Okay guys. Eric Thurston and I believe that his thing
is at Eric is Thurston. Um, he's a magician, he's
a friend, he's a comedian and he's a legitimately very
(54:48):
good magician, but he's also super funny. Um. I share
a lot of his stuff and he's who I'd like
to give a special shout out to to today. And
you just did see thank you thank you for giving
me the opera unity because she that's her thing, she
like pays it forward, you know what I mean? All
like all like animated series, animated series. You know, she's
like outside of herself, and that we did an episode
(55:12):
on my new animated series about magic. James, Dude, I
hope I did okay hosting for the first She did amazing.
I was really impressed. I couldn't have pictured it going
better any other way with with you running it. But
I did want to say, well, I can't balance a
pen or anything. But oh oh, ever since ever since
(55:38):
I got my vaccine, metal sticks to my skin? An
episode flagged because James like, we just hold on, wait
for it. Have you guys seen that video? I'm sorry,
she says she I've just found this out at lunch,
(55:59):
That's what she says, starts up. I don't know if
you've ever left. She starts pressing things on her face. Joey,
Joey Greer, Where where where can people find you on
the internet if they want to find you? The answer is,
I'm going to find them. But that's how that's how
it works. But you can check out alchemy this on Instagram?
(56:22):
Do you run that? Who runs up? We all run
it everywhere. Let's who runs the world. We are all
all the Alchemists and also check out Alchemy this pot
I believe on Reddit and um all right, and also
let's think our engineer and producer, Mr Doug Burn at
(56:48):
i heeart Media. That's right, and please write to us
at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com. And until
next time, everybody from the hell
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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