August 18, 2020 • 56 mins
Police show up to remove an alligator.
Attic of an Applebee’s.
Stranded in National Park with very little supplies.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Oh, welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This. I'm
your host, Kevin Pollic, Yes that Kevin? What's that? Yes?
I can tell you I prefer my chocolate treats refrigerator.
Thanks for asking what I digress? Let's meet to rock,
shall we? In no particular? Ward to say hello to
Christop Varado, Chrisolicious? Are you over Hannah from below deck yet? Dude?
(00:28):
Get her out of there? Okay, she wasn't she wasn't
even sick. She just like I didn't want to hang
with with the with the crew. And it's like, look,
if you don't want to hang with the crew, you're
not a part of the crew. You're the enemy. Leave
the boat. Thank you, thank you? Hello, this so hey
to Craig Kokowskik account, which is your favorite kid in
(00:49):
the hall? And why oh um, I gotta go with
Dave Foley, uh because he had a good sense to
stay out of brain candy. No, they're all great, They're
all great, and I love that movie too, but The
Day Full, I think is the good straight man. Correct
(01:10):
continue Canadian funny men for fo Hey, Why there's James Heeney,
Jimmy j Heenberg. Why haven't you ever taken the time
to learn how to juggle. Uh. Well, I just feel
like the amount of times that I spend learning how
how to juggle, it's taking away from something that I
(01:31):
could put into so many other things and succeed at
diminishing returns of energy put into learning to juggle. But
I'm correct you've made a conscious effort to not learn
to juggle. Well I I yes, yes, thank you for that.
Hey there's Caroline Carter go ahead, Greig, one of those
other things you're channeling your energy into. I'm trying to
(01:52):
learn how to use telekinesis to just make the items
float in front of me. So here's like chuckle, yeah, yeah,
you don't want to you don't want to bother jruggling.
Hey there's Caroline counter fireing the whole longest drive behind
the wheel please. Oh, I don't know, but I'm trying
to drive across country. That's something I want to do.
(02:13):
You're trying. I'm trying. So it's not going well because
I have to get in the car and I'm trying
from where I am right now, and I'm not going
to damn place. But I'm a really bad driver. I
failed my driver says the first time, because I drove
through a stop sign. Because I didn't because you didn't
see it. Yeah, that's what I said to the person
when they told me I failed and you didn't see
(02:35):
it because you refused to look or you just didn't
acknowledge it. Well, I don't believe in signs in general,
so I don't know why that should have to change
when I'm on the road. Fantastic. Anyone out there listening,
we would like to help Caroline on or drive across
the country. Please write to us with your name here
and I'll give you this co come and now please
help me welcoming back Gary Anthony will yas it feels right.
(02:59):
And by the way, keV if you hear me, if
I sound a little clip today when you when I'm
in a scene with you guys, it's because I want
to I'm gonna do with technical difficulties. This is a
life choice that I have made, much like being black
and fairly tall. Correct, continue g a cake or pie?
(03:22):
And why I gotta be honest, Uh, I think you
know this about me, and it's probably this is kind
of cheating with the audience. My family invented something called
a kai which is a combination of a cake and
a pie. Uh So, just like Caroline doesn't see signs,
I don't see desserts hurt them all. I treat them
(03:42):
all equally. I got a mouthful or, as you say,
a cheek build with Kai right now? All right? Uh?
And last but no more, wait, Chris, we had and
last but no more scoops of raisins than yours. If
you think I'm least, it's Joey Greer sugar Puss, which
(04:02):
are your current favorite pair of shoes. You know, I'm
not even gonna answer that. You you thought you forgot Chris,
and that's upsetting the men. And I never want to
forget Chris. Thank you. You know he's He's always in
our hearts, and that's the problem, all the good old
times when he was in our homes. All right, let's
(04:23):
do a damn show. Many of our scenes suggestions are
gathered from listener emails or from our patroon v I
p s. Hey. If you'd like to become a Patreon
supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content and other perks,
just head on over to patreon dot com slash Alchemy
this If you'd like to submit a scene suggestion via
email right to the podcast at your name here at
alchemy this dot com. First off, a note from one
(04:46):
of our Patreon v I p S, who wrote, for
Gary Anthony Williams, I'm Gary, Yep, there he is, okay,
Toyvo wrote, Yes, Direck Kevin, it has been mostly you
and I love it. Do you know what else? I love?
Gary Anthony Williams. That guy was pure magic in the
(05:10):
latest episode that aired on the twenty one July meeting yesterday,
That whole episode was ecstatic. Please give Mr Williams anything
he wants to keep him on. Given me everything I
ever needed. By the way, keV, you gave me for
the first for the first time in my life. You
gave me respect yep, and a neck rubb I've never
(05:32):
had at the same time. I had him on at it.
I had him on. I had him intermittently, as Caroline
used to say, she talked to everything about being intermitted, intimented, intimitted.
I've had him like that. I've never had him at
the same time, and you've given it. It was a
it was a respectful necro as we call it in
the business. Um, well, thank you for that. Toivo. He
(05:53):
goes on to say, even though I miss Vanessa's lovely
presence in the pod, episodes like Mr Williams introduction with
both Craig Cy and Mark g in the crew are
simply amazing entertainment. Vanessa Raglan, one of the founders, will
be returning to the show next week. Don't even worry
(06:18):
about it, ah, and now on with the show. See
number one comes to us from Kristen, who wrote, one
time our dog woke us up at three o'clock in
the morning because there was a seven foot long alligator
on the front porch of our suburban house. We called
nine one one and they sent a pair of burly
policemen from the Violent Offenders unit, who wrestled the alligator
(06:42):
off the porch and tied him up until the alligator
removal people arrived. A while later. The alligator removers put
the scaly fella in their truck to be relocated to
a nature reserve far away from people. They said that
it was the bree season and that our toothy friend
had probably gotten lost in his search for a female. Anyway,
(07:09):
I just thought that would be an amazing scene suggestion.
With apologies from being from Florida, CHRISTI m Jamie, Jamie,
wake up. You don't have to put your whole body
on top of me to wake me up. I'm up.
I'm I'm up. You're waking up. Can you get off?
Can you get off of me? Are you awake? Yeah,
we're talking to you. I am awake. Maybe having a dream,
(07:32):
Jamie might be having a dream, Carol, I'm awake. What
is it? I don't know what Maybe like an eighty eight.
I don't know how big it is. I'm not going
out there to measure Jamie. You gotta go out there
and do something. I just can't go out there. If
you're not going to go out there with a measuring table,
Hell would I go out there? Got to go to work.
(07:53):
I kick out there. It's like on the cards on
the front lawn. Hey, getter, it's me the house dog.
All right, all right, what's your business? I'm just looking
for love. I'm just looking for love. It is then
(08:15):
they love in that house. I feel you feel, you know,
there used to be these two. They're not doing so well.
You don't notice. But every time you talk to me,
there's a low growl after you talk. It seems to
be threatening. In to me. Here's what I'm gonna do.
Here's the deal I'm gonna make with you. I'm gonna
(08:36):
break down and do it as motherfucker. I'm gonna eat
anything that moves or make love to anything. Okay, okay, okay,
I've heard you out. I've heard you out. I'm pacing, okay, okay, okay.
I mean I don't want to die. I am a
little lonely myself. Um. Have you ever may love to
(08:58):
an alligator? An alligator of indeterminate links? No, no, open up,
open up, crowls base. Oh god, damn it, bone goo
is having sex with a goddamn alex. We kind of
do something. It's having sex with it. Something is having
(09:20):
sex with something in this house or on this Oh
my god, Oh my god, oh my god. Okay, I'm sorry.
Every time I get in the mood, one of my
balls get sucked up inside me. I tell you, I
tell you every time. I don't care if you're fucking
you with one ball. Okay, excuse me, sir. If you
(09:41):
were just the doctor will be in in just a moment. Um.
He asked me to come in and pre look at
your balls. Would you please PLoP them out? For me. Okay,
there's one and I'd like to see the other. Please,
oh oh my, oh dear, let me get the doctor
(10:02):
just one moment. Doctor, there is there is something that
you would like to see. Okay, go on, no, no,
I'll let you see for yourself. I'm going to go
out and get a milk shake in this. Is there
a patient in this room here? Yes? Yes? Oh, I'm
(10:23):
sorry patient. Yes, the doctor is visually blind. He's usually blind. Doctor.
I have to take a version of what other kind
of blind is there? I mean, that's like, that's what
blind means. If you're blind. Some people are blind in
different ways. Okay, so what i'd like to do, like
(10:44):
to see it in my own kid, you're blind, you
can steal with your finger. You can't see your finger, sir,
don't tell me what I can't do. In fact, you
know what, maybe you need a different doctor either. You
do see our balls. I'm sorry, so, Carl Steve. I mean,
(11:06):
I've been, uh you know, a police officer now for
seventeen years, but you're the first partner I've had that
was single. So if you could just hit me to
what's going on out there? Let me just turn the
radio down in case dispatch needs us. I think you
(11:27):
just turned it up. Hold, because before I was hearing nothing,
and now now I'm here in like wal to wall music. Yep,
that's me. I just wanted in case dispatch needed us
for any uh any activity out there in the neighborhoods. Anyways,
what what is the single scene like these days? Well,
(11:48):
it's tough out there. It's tough out there. Uh, I
I don't know which way your predilections run, fair enough,
you can fill me in, I could, okay, So, uh,
whether you're looking for a man or looking for a
woman or or other, or whether you're looking for all
(12:09):
of the above, it's tough out there, I see. And
your experience, uh do you have to know? Uh? You're
asking my hole in the ground sort of thing? That
is helpful? Sure? And what about shipped from Shinola? Look? Uh,
ship and Shinola is a toss up for me? You know,
(12:32):
I get it right fifty of the time, which is
not good enough. You know, you need to be identify
one or the other more often than that. So I'll
agree that that is a tough one. Carl Turner, get
in my office right now. Now. It's up Chief you
goddamn Squadcott was talked on the side of the highway.
We got us on the goddamn radio blaring to you.
(12:53):
We need to sucking help. Nothing's happening. I don't even
get a call back. I'm worried, sick at the station.
What the hell? Sorry? Sorry, chee. If I stepped in shinola,
I gotta clean it all off of my shoes. Oh
what's the difference between that and ship? All right, might
be shipped, This might be shipped. You said that, Chief,
I got a question for you. What you said? You
(13:13):
were upset and worried about us of God say, I'm
a sensitive guy, all right, Jesus fucking Christ. I'm not
sure why we're bringing him into it, but we don't.
All right, Diana, here's your second milkshake at the day.
It looks to me like you've seen a lot of
pre balls. Are pre seeing the balls? I gotta be
(13:35):
I've got to be honest with you. And this has
happened to me my entire life, my entire life. I
have a lactose deficiency, and when I am face to
face with a pre ball, it all comes rolling back.
As one man once said, it comes rolling down the
hill like a can of shinola. Oh yeah, Diana, I
(13:58):
gotta I gotta ask you something. If you do, make
sure you do it with a Spanish accent. Diana, what
do I have to do to get you to look
at my balls? I'm asking you about? Are you asking
me asking me to look at your balls? Is it
(14:20):
one and the same? It's one and the same, My
beautiful you just did it. Don't if I should still
be here or just waiting in line to order, but
it seems kind of like a private thing. So I'm
what can I What do I get for you? I
just wanted to cookies and cream? Got you? Is Diana?
(14:40):
By the way, Hey I'm Diana. I just got asked out.
I'm gonna see a ball? Okay, congratulations? Um oh I
think I reckon. I think you looked at um my
friend's balls at the ball doctor? Right, I'm working at
about doctors? Are you? Is your friend Marcos? Yes, it's
my friend. Yeah. Oh, I have bad news. I tried
(15:02):
to call him yesterday, but it just went to a
service that picked up the phone. Yeah, that's how his phone. Yeah,
I guess I should just deliver it to you. I okay, yeah,
it was a bad It's extremely bad. Here's a you
(15:22):
can keep the change. It's a quarter. Um, yes, So
what's the news. I'm ready, dude, I'm sorry. I was
trying to tell you, and you I'm sorry took a
big spat slurp from my milk. But I was trying
to say, is that Marcos? I'm sorry? Everybody have a
(15:45):
green priest license? Uh? On the on the ball lady,
that's me. That's me. It says all that on the
license plate. Oh it says more. Please read the whole thing.
I was gonna say. It seems short for a license
plate from what I remember. I'm the ball lady. Come
over and check it out. I have a milk deficiency.
It all comes rushing back as soon as I see
(16:06):
a ball. Is that that's it? That's my car? Waite?
Is Is that a problem? Not at all? I just
wanted to say, I love Press, I love that eco friendliness.
I think it's just great. That's all. Okay, sir, can
you direct us to where the where you last saw
the gator? But I was in front of my house. Okay,
it was in front of my house, and then my
(16:29):
dog and they were having relations. They were having sex.
I'd hold up here, folks, when you say your dog
was having its way with the gator or so we're clear,
was the gator having its way with your dog? I
need to get the right picture. In my mind, it
seemed like a given take. They seemed very open communicating,
kind of like maybe trying new things. Let me clarify,
(16:51):
but it's hard to find that in today. Who was
who was inside of who? Both? It was the exchanged
exchange parts holes. Yeah, you don't often see a dog
in a gator performing sixty nine. That's a new one. Yeah,
new for humans too, for some people. And you know
(17:13):
what do you mean by that? Man? What do I mean? Well?
I guess to say it um in you know, coded language.
My husband and I don't sixty nine ever, even if
what I meant to say, again, I'm sorry, I do
that all the time. I tried to say the thing,
and then I say the opposite. My husband and I
(17:33):
don't have sex, no matter what. Um right, sir, If
you tried to sixty eight, are you familiar with sixty eight?
That's where I do you? Excuse me? What do you do? Me?
And I owe you one? Oh ship? Is that the
alligator there getting side officers getting side down good inside,
(18:01):
I'll get her. I uh, I have to see you again,
you will. I'll never be too far away. I mean
you broke me off. Listen, I know that, I know
you been looking for love and you need We all do,
we all need love. But I gotta move home. Wait, wait,
(18:24):
any chance you can help my owners and Bud Wait,
maybe funk one or both of them. That's a scene
one ah see to comes was from New patron V.
(18:44):
I prote you guys. I've had a very weird cross
pollination with Kevin. He came and spoke at this CMO
Club summit. I was at Hilarious and Inside Film, and
then I got into some improv and was referred to
this part of casts from Zach Hutteleson at West Side
Comedy Theater. And now I'm taking a class from Patrick Rowland.
(19:06):
Not that you asked, you're My scene suggestion is the
attic of an Applebee's thanks for making me laugh so
hard and I've almost crashed my car on several occasions.
Kyle Jacobson the attic of an Apple Sherlyne sher line,
what we got customers coming? Okay, I've been down to
(19:33):
the basement looking for the pan to do fry. It
ain't in the basement, Slyne. Okay, well, it's not in
the kitchen. You checked the kitchen to where the pans
usually are. I've checked the pan area. I've checked the pantrey,
which I've enough. Pantrey doesn't have anything to do with pans.
(19:56):
I know that we've all been working at this apple
Bee's for twenty years. I know the entry has the
dry goods in it. But Sherlene is just one of
those words like hamburger don't have ham in it. Poetry. Now,
I'm so sick and tired of your fucking poetry. Okay,
you're a cook at Applebee. Stop doing poetry. If you're
really sick and tired, you should go to a doctor.
(20:19):
Doctor twy is he torn, Shirlene? Point is the pan
ain't down in the base stand? Pan ain't in the kitchen? Okay.
The only place it might be is possibly it could
be in the attic, but I don't want to go
up there because I'm afraid of stairs. Ain't nobody want
to go in that haunted attic of this year apple
(20:40):
be Shirlene, don't nobody want to go in the haunted
at this here apple by Charlene stand stop walking away
from me. You need to go. You need to go. Okay,
I'm I'm the boss here. Okay, I don't want to go.
I'm afraid of stairs. I don't give a shit about ghosts,
but I'm afraid of the stairs. I swallow my fear, Surelyn,
(21:01):
but I ain't never tell him where it's gonna come
up after I swallowed it. If I don't come back.
Would you tell my cousin he's the ball doctor, he's
visually brandy. Would you tell him that own not table
next to his bed underneath this red velvet? She? Are
(21:21):
you rotting it? I'm right, yeah, I'm writting. Oh shoot,
this pen doesn't have any Okay, all right, I'm bad.
Got this one? Yeah it works? Okay, Well, uh yeah,
I'm sure if you just want to step a little
further back so you can actually see the what am
I looking at? Well? Okay, everyone calm down at this
one of the time. Kay, Okay, further away to see it?
(21:44):
I am very near sighted. Well, your nose to wall here, sir,
so I need my hands on this wall to see it.
What do you mean fingers out of my house? Sorry, sorry, sorry,
just I'm sorry. So you're legally blind? Okay, no that's
not true. Look I'm not supposed to do this. But look,
(22:07):
there's a big case out there. Okay. I used to
be a detective. Long story short. Look, I need someone
who can see with their hands to fix it. You
understand when you say case, what do you mean? I
mean an actual briefcase. There's a case. Okay, I need
you to find feel it. Mr Stevens, thank you so
much for seeing me today. Well what a great office man.
(22:29):
Oh man. Um, I'm just gonna get right to it.
I'm here to pitch you this film idea. It's not
exactly a sequel, uh sequel to uh legally Blonde, it's reimagining.
It's called legally blind. Um. Yeah, and so she comes
to college. Uh this this young gal and uh instead
of being you know, uh attractive and super blonde and
(22:53):
all that, she's just blind. And um. You know it's
it's to interrupt you for just a moment. I and
maybe I'm the one that's out of place here and
I'm crazy, but are you pitching a movie to a
ball doctor right now? You know I was told I
could get a meeting with you. Sir, You've got a meeting,
but we call these appointments. So, babe, how did the
(23:15):
pitch go? Well, uh, it's for all of our dreams,
all of our hopes, like this brilliant idea. Yeah. So
it might be an issue with the guy who says
he's my new agent because he I thought he was
sending me to a film studio. Ding Dong, ding dong.
(23:36):
He's the only one that says ding dong when he
shows up. Was going on, I'm naked, I'm naked. You
look at the door. Okay, all right, Hey Steve, Oh baba,
how's it going? Vere? Hey? You know what? I don't
know if you're cooking it here? Doesn't smell like it.
Why don't we go to Applebee's my treat? Yeah, my
life was just throwing some clothes on. I was just
(23:57):
about to tell her about my pitch meeting. Oh, we'll
tell her over dinner. Come on a bottle of shirt
and on me. Welcome to the attic. Okay, who's who's there?
Who's air? There are many of us, many of us,
(24:20):
all the lost souls of Applebee's. Oh wait, I just
came up. I just came up to get a pan.
I won't disturb you, and you're ghosting up? Is there
a Is there a restaurant even up here in a
space we call your Applebee's basement Applebee's. It's like a
(24:47):
whole different environment, a whole different existence up here. We're
all dead. Would you like to see a menu? I
suppose in stead of me saying no, I don't want
to see a menu, I'll say yes, and I'd like
to see and I would we recommend the kicking sticking
(25:11):
chicken with a side of zucchi. Wait a minute, that
that recipe hasn't been around applebee since eighteen. I got
an idea if you go so work with me. I
can take your ghostly recipes from around the eighteen twelve era,
take them down to the kitchen Applebee's, and we can
all somehow turn this into a success, a financial success.
(25:37):
What did it for us? All Right? That was a
great report, Thank you, Marcus. Uh. Now, if we can
go onto some of our smaller stores or different markets,
it looks like a store out of Clearwater, Florida, and
Applebee's is booming. And uh we actually sent one of
our secret shoppers over there, and it seems like they
have a different menu that we're using here. We're asking
(25:58):
at least from corporate, so we have to aside from
the board standpoint, a couple options. I'll go through them.
Actually it's a long list. But could you actually speak up, Dave?
I have a touch of ear blindness. Oh yes, sorry, um,
of course, So Dave, Dave, Hey, how you going? Man?
Could you speak down a little bit? Sure, just a
(26:22):
little bit. You know what? Why don't you do? Why
don't we switch seats? You're closer to me. Oh, hold
on that that sounds like good. Just second, excuse me, No,
don't switch with me? With me, I'm saying trouble. Could
you speak with a little bit more base because it's
I don't know, it's just kind of scratches on my
(26:43):
ear switch. Alright, this is what I'm gonna know? What
is he saying? Okay, this is what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna talk with a Spanish accent. Okay, I'm gonna
try to be an Toni and bender's for a little bit.
I'm so sorry. I only understand people who speak with
a British accent. So you can try Spanish, but I'm
not sure all understand? Well, Bell, Hell the hell have
(27:05):
you been hearing us this whole time? Then? Huh answer
me that I might might. I'm happy to translate for
the lady if you want to just start off that
God that's Russell Crowe's brother from I hear everything. Now, Well,
we have good news and bad news for you. Yeah. Yeah.
The good news is the menu is is a success.
(27:29):
It's wonderful. I heard they're talking about us from here
to Florida. The bad news is we have to say
goodbye to you. Now, what do you mean? We're just
we're just you unlocked. You believed in us, and that's
all we were waiting for someone to believe in us. Right,
(27:50):
I'll miss you all, but can I can I come
with you? Yeah? Kill yourself all right, I'm gonna go
back down in kitchen and I'm okay. I'm miss saying
wait wait, huh will always be here or there? I
should say? No, you just you literally just told me
you were laved. But I mean where we're going, where
(28:12):
we're going next, you can always come. So why don't
you enjoy your time here? And when you miss us terribly?
You know what to do when I miss you terribly,
I'll do the thing that you told me to do,
perhaps my fingers three times and say chicken fried state chicken.
Hold on, don't say the third time, right, but then
(28:32):
you'll appear to me, which you already are right now anyway,
all right, well it was we are getting out of
her spirits, ghouls. Everybody all packed up ready, go oh,
here's that pen you were looking for. By the way,
I forgot this whole time. I was looking for a pan.
But you gave me more faith than myself, and you
gave us the same utter up. Yeah, well, I mean
(29:00):
looking at your chart here, sir. Uh, I'm not sure
where you were spending a lot of time, but you
have heavy, heavy levels of leading asbestos in your system.
And uh, I don't know what to tell you, but
I don't think you should be working in a restaurant
or you're gonna have to be doing a lot of
but work at home to take care of yourself. Sir.
The restaurant is out of now it's my life. And
(29:22):
I'll tell you where I was. I was in the
attic of Applebach. What that does it? Yeah, I mean
the levels of leading asbesis I mean, that's clear. I'd
like to see another doctor. Please, do you want to
see another doctor? How about how about a doctor sees you? Oh? Doctor? Yeah,
all right, all right, I'm coming in. Oh oh, it's
a competition. Okay, why don't you you You're welcome to
(29:46):
go with No. No, this is not about me today.
It's all about you, Dr dummy. Okay, well, if it's
all right, I'll no, it's not all right. I was
ving gestatious, Jesus strikes. What do you got, Jim, geez, Jim,
did you want us to see one of your patients
for a second opinion? I mean, yes, I'm trying to leave. Okay,
(30:07):
I was look, can I talk to you doctors on
the side for a second? Can I can know, sir,
stay in the gallon in the corner, and we're going
to look. I just don't get everyone wants to have
a second opinion, second opinion. You know, I spent thirteen
years in medical school. Thirteen years. Okay, I'm a specialist.
I have a subspecialty, and everyone was like, let me
see someone, let me see someone. Guess nobody does that.
(30:29):
Nobody does it with a guy to mechanic. Okay, you three,
get into my office. I'm the chief surgeon. While you
three were chinning, chatting, arguing, everyone in our hospital died
everyone and we don't even a lot of them. Were
not even bad cases, all right, but they dropped dead.
(30:49):
Because you don't have a doctor in a room, they're dead.
So this is on us. You're saying, Yes, we weren't
doing our rounds. We weren't looking after patients. Jim was
stopping us from doing our job. You know, you three
decided it was time to gossip and try to one
(31:11):
up each other like a couple little creeks. Excuse you.
I am the head surgeon here, alright. I went to
Harvard twice, failed the first time. Okay, is it head searching?
(31:37):
You three are on thin ice every We still got
the dead bodies in the room. You three are responsible
for getting those out of there? Um? What else? What else? Um?
You you gotta get new supplies. All the nurses quit? Chief?
Are you doing bits now? What's happened? Yeah? Oh? On
what else? Okay? So I was talking on my life.
(32:01):
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage now the Chief
of Surgery, Darryl frecal Time. Thank you so much. Again
for having me. Um, it's great to be here. Let's
get it up again for the host. Everybody. Huh about
brain surgeons? Do the thing about brain surgeons? Okay, okay, okay, okay.
(32:23):
Don't usually take requests in my step, but I will. Uh.
What's the deal with brain surgeons? Huh? Part of me?
Part of me, Mr brain surgeon. I am an agent.
I'm sure you could tell by my suit. And I
have a movie deal for you. Okay, I'll lay yourself
(32:45):
into my house. Don't worry about that. Don't worry about that.
This is Hollywood, baby, Hollywood. Okay, you're familiar with the
movie Legally Blonde. That's my favorite film. Oh I knew it.
Imagine this legally uh huh blind huh? Okay, So why
did you bring up the Legally Blonde film? First? Don't
(33:08):
have something to do with it by saying legally, But
I don't understand. No, no, it's a matter of fact.
What do you want me to do with that? I
want you to I want you to be. I want
you to be the star. I know you're you are
be the star you are. You've come so far? Are
you doing book poetry? Ladies and gentlemen, walcome to the
(33:29):
stage now the poet who knows it, David Barkenheimer. Hi, everybody. Uh,
you could probably tell him an agent by my suit.
But don't shut me out. Don't give me the boot.
You see, I'm here, I'm pleading. I need your love.
Oh he started No, no, man, he ran his boot
(33:53):
with suit rant I like that. Yeah, I didn't know
he started up. So when you look up to the
stars you might see me. I'm shiny baby. I'm an
agent from W M E. And that has seen to everybody.
(34:15):
Moose are the rails and we are off. The Scene
three comes from Emily, who wrote, hello all, I absolutely
adore your podcast and it never failed to bring a
smile to my face while I die of laughter. Up,
we've killed another. Thank you all for bringing such weird
and amazing energy to this world. I have a scene suggestion.
(34:36):
I'm from Joshua Tree, California, and would love it if
you all did a scene where someone is stranded in
National Park with very little supplies. Emily from Joshua Tree, Honey,
where's the there's a shovel in your hand, God damn it,
and where's the corn? It's behind you? Is that your
(35:01):
clever way again of saying that, Oh my god, thank god,
thank god, Oh my god, thank god. Sir, sir, can
we help you? Yeah? You have water? What's that water?
You have water? Water? We have? Funny, thank you? Are
(35:23):
you looking for the train station? I'm looking for water. Okay,
Well we can have a sip. You can have a sip.
But we only have enough honey for us. Honey, we
only have enough for us. Oh my god, he's loving
it so fast. Ok okay, okay, okay, thank you, yelcome,
thank you. What's your name, stranger? My name is Jerry.
(35:46):
I need something to eat. It's been tasty. What's your
last name, Yeah, Jerry. What's your last name? Fargola? It's
Jerry Fagola. What do you want from me? Give me
something to eat? I'm hung. What we'd like from you, Jerry?
Is an explanation? Well, I've been lost out here. Alright,
FBI agents, listen up, everybody listen. I put those put
(36:06):
that cigarette out a different jackets. All right, we need
to put everything down. Whatever you're working on stops today.
We have a number one suspect. I've been working on
a case for shut up up, Randy. You want me
(36:29):
to establish Jerry. I've been working on Jerry for Gola.
You mean Jerry Forgola? What him? Well, we all thought
he was dead and gone right, we all thought we
lost him. It's been dead for years in Guatemala. Turns
out there was a sighting where well, I'll give you
(36:54):
a hint. It's where wait, why are we doing here? Where?
I want him to have some fun here? It's are
we all went last year to those edibles and found ourselves.
I started occasion to night. You don't actually even work here,
if I'm being honest. Joshua Tree. Everybody was found in
(37:18):
Joshua Tree. That's right talking and Joshua Tree. I don't
know any more details, but I like how serious Carl's being.
He's taking this personally, and that's the type of officer
person we have marriages. I only have this case as
any testament in my life. Where Grandpa, Randy, Do we
(37:41):
have to go to the Texas school Book Depository again? Yes?
We do? All right? Now it's a museum. Now you're
you're not gonna find you're gonna find any evidence there.
You don't know how to look. I've been on this
case for sixty oh Jerry, nice to see you again.
Head on upstairs, you know your spot. Let me know
(38:03):
if you need anything up there. I probably don't need backup,
right back up? What do you call you, Jerry, Grandpa, Randy?
I have a lot of aliases. The only way to
protect my shelf and my family from reprisal. Baby, wake up,
wake up? Okay, I'm up. Oh my god, sorry, so
(38:27):
close to my ear. I don't know distances anymore. The
world's closing in on me. They found him. Somebody spotted him, Jerry, Jerry,
Oh my god, Oh my god. Honey, this is great, right,
great and bad. The rest of the FBI is going
to go out looking for him tomorrow. I'm going now, Baby,
(38:50):
I'm going to find him before the rest of the Honey,
why didn't you tell me this before we went to
bed tonight. Why did you in the middle of the night.
I wanted you to get a good night slip? I
really did. This is bad that night. Sleep. Okay. I
understand this part of your job is FBI. You're gonna
have to be gone sometimes I understand. But sometimes they
(39:11):
feel like you just lean too hard into the FBI thing.
This time it ain't for the FBI. This time is
for me, This time is real. Listen, We're gonna have
to suspend operations with Cuba. Alright, that's just the way
it is. Looks like Jerry for Gola has been found
that Red Pieces ship, that motherfucker who gave away our
(39:32):
approprietary technology as shun of a bitch, he's been found.
Did they find him? Wait? Wait wait wait wait wait
wait wait wait wait you saying the motherfucker that's still
Cuba from us earlier? You know what I thought you
were saying, Cuba is in Cuba. I thought same thing.
I thought the same thing that you're talking about the
(39:54):
country Cuba. Alright, time out was just too big. Alright,
we're all gonna have to get a little close and okay, insane,
Look what were you going to say? What did they
find them? What did they find them? Where did they
find them? And what did they find on them? Both?
(40:14):
I really am thankful that you guys let me go
camping with you, the water, the food. I don't know
how I'm going to repay you for let me stay
with you. I have a couple of ideas how you
could repay us. Okay, it was kind of maybe an
honest answer to the question where are you from and
why are you here? I'm from the I'm from Illinois
(40:36):
and I and I'm well, I was a paper maker.
And how how is it you found yourself in Joshua
Tree at all? What are you doing? Well? It was
simply I I went out a road trip and uh
and uh and uh and that this is the first
people that I've seen since you know what my wife is? Right?
(40:57):
Did you said paper maker maker? I worked at a
paper maker factory. It's, you know, a paper I don't
know what that means. I say, Okay, listen, I'm in hiding.
Is that what you want to hear? How long have
you been in hiding that you come up without in
hiding for twenty years? Okay? Please? Twenty years in hiding
and you're asked what you do and you say paper making.
(41:20):
And I was trying to keep it a secret, but
I guess I can trust you. Guys. You've been feeding me,
you've been giving me liquids. You can't trust I know.
I mean. Also, here's the thing. If you were in
hiding for twenty years, how come you're so bad at
surviving off the land. You came out of there like
thirsty and hungry as well. Well, I had a well
(41:41):
that I had Doug, which I thought was deep enough.
But how did you make it? How did you make it?
Twenty years? Where were you before? Right before this? Stop?
And this was this was a bad one. Look, buss,
I didn't mean any disrespect. Okay, So just just to clarify,
we're going after the guy. Don't even do this. No no, no,
no no no no expect respect, respect, respect, okay, listen, right,
(42:09):
I don't even look. You're making me want to go
talk to Salvator SALVATONI. I don't want no no no, no, no,
no no. Take it easy, take it easy, okay or not,
it's yours. It's yours, hey, boss, Before you get a
mouthful of shela me, I got a question for you.
It's too late, too late, me, you're right, it's too late.
Never mind. All right, Look, here's the deal. If we
(42:32):
don't get this guy, the Fobbie will get him first.
You know what I mean. That's what I was gonna say.
The Footbi is gonna move in before windows. Well, sorry, folks, Uh,
without Jerry here, we're gonna have to close down the
papermaker factory. What but This is how I made my money.
This is we make paper makers and then send them
(42:55):
to the factories that make paper. We're a crucial cog
in the in the chain of industry. What are we
supposed to do with the rest of our lives? Like
I don't know. I mean, what are you gonna do? Well,
I've I've always wanted to retire and visit the National
park System. Billy, what park do you think you'd go
(43:15):
to first? Well, there's one up in up in the
upper Peninsula of Michigan. That's uh, it's the least of
take it again. There's a there's a native population of
elk there and it's just beautiful from what it's called.
Are you telling me Jerry retired? Look, I don't know
(43:38):
if he retired. All I know is it we we
showed up and he's gone. He's the only one who
knows he has the key to the machines that make
the papermakers. Jerry just made this personal. If there's one
thing I'm gonna do in my life, I will track
down Jerry. I will find Jerry, and I will get
that people make or going back again? All right, quide down,
(43:58):
everybody down. New information, New information here, everybody, We're not
just going after Jerry. We're also not going after Carl.
He's gone rogue. He's gone rogue. He's a danger to
himself and to others. So you're saying to dismiss a
(44:18):
case of sixties and the amount of information they have
confided listening to you. So you're saying we are going
after Carl, or we're also not not going after Carl.
Both listen. If you see Carl, you shoot to kill
you shoot? We have to rent Should we rent the
(44:42):
guns out now from the armor rears? Yeah? Go rent
the guns. Everybody go all hands on deck. Joshua Tree,
go by the way. The Bob is also going there.
Hey you need to rent a gun? Yeah, I saw
you on the way to the armory. I'm going to
rent you one of mind going what's your name? Girl?
(45:02):
What's your name? Um? Carol? That's a pretty name. How
you spell it? How you that's enough, that's enough, that's enough.
If you're reaching my back hip pocket, you're gonna find
a block nine mill of me. That's for you, girl,
that's for you. Thank you? Do I just sign anything.
There's also this old guy here. I don't know if
(45:23):
he wants? Is that Randy here? Hey man, how you doing?
Bro fine? She needed to get a girl. Grandpa. You
don't need a gun, hey, trust you with one. You
need to respect your elders. Young man. Hey, but I
got a musket for you must a top note in
musket man. Hey, all right, please, Carol, don't move, Jerry,
(45:51):
don't move. We got you surrounded. What is this? What
the moffia here wrapped me out? Why would we wrat
you out? I've successfu twenty years and now the cocks
are here twenty years. I mean, don't do this, Carl,
(46:15):
Car'll do it too late. I've already shot him and
he didn't even know it. He didn't even know it.
Right now, there's a bullet slowly making its way down
from your clervical to your left ventricle. Did I also fired?
(46:36):
And so did the mafiaatting tools be able to show
this case? Damn? All right, somebody take this papermaker key.
That's the only reason that mery. I don't want that.
(46:59):
I won't that. Jimmy, do you realize that when you
closed down the people make a factory, you put me
out of work, you put my family out of work.
I had to go to learn to be an FBI,
just to track you down. Sorry, take the key, just sorry.
Fire fire, there's a fire. There's a fire. Shoot the fire.
(47:28):
Everybody shoot at the fire. Alright, FBI, alright, BI, quiet Well,
who knew? Our hero today is Randy. Randy put this
case together, he solved it himself. I dead. He is Randy.
You want to say a few words the first thing
(47:49):
I want to share here? Thank god, thank god he's
finally dead. Three. Well, everybody go back to your old cases.
I throughout all the evidence you told this is stop.
I threw it out, I burned it. I shredded it. Carol,
(48:11):
why do you have a hickey in your neck? I
hooked up with the guy who saw who gave me
his gun? What and how is that any of our business?
He asked me, What do you want me to lies? If? Yeah?
I know you guys are Carol, finnything ever happened? If
they ask you, you'd be truthful? Girl. Okay, you know
what in the Bible, page fifty eight, it says the
(48:34):
truth got your back. Oh yeah, look it does say
that right there. Yeah eight? Girl? Okay, Um, well, I
guess I should put my clothes back on and get
back to my office. Um no, let me slowly dress you. Yes, Michael,
(48:54):
it's I could. Thanks for coming in to see me today.
I just wanted a question about your put on page.
It says here and you wrote the truth got your back.
I'm just curious what you mean by that. What is
the greater meaning behind this? Well? Uh, I'm half happy
(49:17):
to hear from either one of you. I'm just bringing wine.
I just come in here to bring wine, and why
don't you pour the wine instead of just bringing Okay,
So when I wrote truth got your back, what I
meant was that you're like a team with truth. I'm like,
you're going to have to defend truth. But don't you worry.
(49:39):
Truth got your back again? Do you get it? I
understand words as you as you lay them out. I
don't know. More you protect the truth, the more the
truth will protect you. So does that mean just put
the Bible? Is there a problem with this? It really
makes sense. I understand you're selling hard now, but I'm
trying to make it clear. So when people read the
(50:00):
Bible they understand, well, I mean, it's truth. Whatever it
inspires them to feel will be fine. It's up to interpretation.
Is it the whole thing? And am I wrong? You
seem very defensive. I am. You've come to one of
my favorite lines, and it seems like you're gonna Michael. Listen,
we need this thing canonized. Alright, come on, alright, hurry up,
(50:21):
Just pick the line and put it in. We need
a canonize. Let's go. The guy's a fucking waiting these alright,
ladies and gentlemen of the congregation. That's way. I've known
that the Bible says Jesus pleases and a rally refuses.
You're turning the page. If you'll turn the page fifty two,
(50:41):
where there's a colorful picture of Moses sliding down from
the mountain on his might have different. I have a
different book. What wait, what book you got? My brother?
What's a Bible? Just different? My books a little bigger.
So fifty two. My my pictures are on fifty Oh
that's the book of proface? Is that was Michael's enemy?
(51:02):
You got Michael's Enemy's Bible? Hair tech. I didn't know
it was on sale. It was on sale. Don't don't
take me to the attic, No, welcome to the attic.
(51:26):
Can I offer you some Muzor Realistics. Today, let's thank
all of our akamis please, starting with Mr Garry Anthony Williams. Gary, Hi, guys,
thank you so much for joining us today. I know
you've you've got an appointment with the Open Road, so
we'll let you go. But how how you have any
(51:48):
anything you'd like to mention to the folks, A plug wise,
anything they should follow, look up or otherwise be involved. Yeah, yeah,
sure sure. Uh brand new TV show that I'm about
to go back can finish shooting for Netflix next week
called The Crew, So keep your eye out for that me,
Kevin James and some other people. And then if you
(52:10):
want to listen to my podcast called Day Drinking with
Gary and Elliott, I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind at all.
Day Drinking with Gary and Elliott. And look for the
Crew on Netflix, Yes, sir, And you're going back to work.
And what part of the world does that man Long Island,
New York I have to quarantine. They're going to do
the nose pap smear three times a week, the sweet
(52:32):
Sweet Nose pop. Has anybody had it up the nose yet?
You have? How is it? Yeah? Yeah? You know? Okay
A little bit. Yeah, it's you get a little you know,
a little spark, little spark. Yeah, I'm kind of looking
forward to it. God speed Gary, and thanks for joining us.
(52:53):
Thank you my friend Caroline Cotter. Anything you'd like to
mention or folks can find. Yeah, I'm gonna take this
time to promote my Instagram. It's Carter Poop. And just
know that I did delete it for the time being
because it's giving me too much anxiety, so I no
longer have it on my phone. It exists. Check it out,
(53:14):
but you know, don't engage. So you didn't. You didn't
get rid of the account. The account is still available.
You just got rid of it up from your own
individual phone exactly, all right, So leave you alone. But
check out the side. Check out the conte got the page.
Thank you for that. Mr James Teney, well, thanks for
(53:37):
having me. Um. I've been doing a lot of streaming
on Twitch which dot tv or it's it's Twitch dot
tv forward slash the real James. I have a feeling
you would find, din't I love that that you would know.
Mr Chris Alvarado, thanks so much for joining us, Pal,
(53:57):
Thanks for having me. I'm gonna give my to Gary.
I had so much fun playing with you, Gary, so
I want to reiterate check out and listen to day
drinking with Gary and Elliott. That's that's my plug. Nice
work much, Craig Katkowski. Yes, uh here we are in
Craig's grammar corner. As always. Uh, I imply and you infer.
(54:22):
I e. I'm the one who hints, and then you
have to read through the meaning of my hinting to
infer what are you inferring? As a phrase that means nothing?
You want? What are you implying? And then you can
infer what I impl They're not so interchangeable, they are
not flying that towards me. You inferred correctly, my friend.
(54:44):
Educational and entertaining. That's all we root for. And speaking
of which, Mr Joey Greer, thanks much for being here,
Thank you for having me. I'm doing digital mm A training.
If anybody wants to get on board it that so
you just email me some of your phone number and
then where should people email you again? Uh? Email me
(55:05):
at m m A trainer the best of the best
if you want the rest, and you're gonna have to
take the test at gmail dot com. Are you are
you doing that shin jitsu to the art of fighting
from the knees down using only the knees down, just
the shans are you doing exactly a lot of people
say because it's an exposed bone and the conroci by
one of the weakest. I disagree, and with my methodology
of injecting with certain metallurgy into the knee cap it stuff.
(55:28):
Not only are we gonna make the knee stronger, So
check that out. Wait, hold on, did you say not
only are we gonna make the knee strong? And then
you were done? I mean, if you want to know
the rest, No, no, I know. Let's thank our brengineering
producer of stars, Mr Doug Baine, the fine folks that
(55:50):
I heart media. I mean, how's Kevin Pollack. I'm minding
you to please be kind to each other, and damn it,
wear masks every damn time you leave the home. Where
a mask? Please? Um? Yeah? Thanks so much for all
the comments and reviews and emails and support. We greatly
(56:12):
appreciate you. Until next time,
Oh, welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This. I'm
your host, Kevin Pollic, Yes that Kevin? What's that? Yes?
I can tell you I prefer my chocolate treats refrigerator.
Thanks for asking what I digress? Let's meet to rock,
shall we? In no particular? Ward to say hello to
Christop Varado, Chrisolicious? Are you over Hannah from below deck yet? Dude?
(00:28):
Get her out of there? Okay, she wasn't she wasn't
even sick. She just like I didn't want to hang
with with the with the crew. And it's like, look,
if you don't want to hang with the crew, you're
not a part of the crew. You're the enemy. Leave
the boat. Thank you, thank you? Hello, this so hey
to Craig Kokowskik account, which is your favorite kid in
(00:49):
the hall? And why oh um, I gotta go with
Dave Foley, uh because he had a good sense to
stay out of brain candy. No, they're all great, They're
all great, and I love that movie too, but The
Day Full, I think is the good straight man. Correct
(01:10):
continue Canadian funny men for fo Hey, Why there's James Heeney,
Jimmy j Heenberg. Why haven't you ever taken the time
to learn how to juggle. Uh. Well, I just feel
like the amount of times that I spend learning how
how to juggle, it's taking away from something that I
(01:31):
could put into so many other things and succeed at
diminishing returns of energy put into learning to juggle. But
I'm correct you've made a conscious effort to not learn
to juggle. Well I I yes, yes, thank you for that.
Hey there's Caroline Carter go ahead, Greig, one of those
other things you're channeling your energy into. I'm trying to
(01:52):
learn how to use telekinesis to just make the items
float in front of me. So here's like chuckle, yeah, yeah,
you don't want to you don't want to bother jruggling.
Hey there's Caroline counter fireing the whole longest drive behind
the wheel please. Oh, I don't know, but I'm trying
to drive across country. That's something I want to do.
(02:13):
You're trying. I'm trying. So it's not going well because
I have to get in the car and I'm trying
from where I am right now, and I'm not going
to damn place. But I'm a really bad driver. I
failed my driver says the first time, because I drove
through a stop sign. Because I didn't because you didn't
see it. Yeah, that's what I said to the person
when they told me I failed and you didn't see
(02:35):
it because you refused to look or you just didn't
acknowledge it. Well, I don't believe in signs in general,
so I don't know why that should have to change
when I'm on the road. Fantastic. Anyone out there listening,
we would like to help Caroline on or drive across
the country. Please write to us with your name here
and I'll give you this co come and now please
help me welcoming back Gary Anthony will yas it feels right.
(02:59):
And by the way, keV if you hear me, if
I sound a little clip today when you when I'm
in a scene with you guys, it's because I want
to I'm gonna do with technical difficulties. This is a
life choice that I have made, much like being black
and fairly tall. Correct, continue g a cake or pie?
(03:22):
And why I gotta be honest, Uh, I think you
know this about me, and it's probably this is kind
of cheating with the audience. My family invented something called
a kai which is a combination of a cake and
a pie. Uh So, just like Caroline doesn't see signs,
I don't see desserts hurt them all. I treat them
(03:42):
all equally. I got a mouthful or, as you say,
a cheek build with Kai right now? All right? Uh?
And last but no more, wait, Chris, we had and
last but no more scoops of raisins than yours. If
you think I'm least, it's Joey Greer sugar Puss, which
(04:02):
are your current favorite pair of shoes. You know, I'm
not even gonna answer that. You you thought you forgot Chris,
and that's upsetting the men. And I never want to
forget Chris. Thank you. You know he's He's always in
our hearts, and that's the problem, all the good old
times when he was in our homes. All right, let's
(04:23):
do a damn show. Many of our scenes suggestions are
gathered from listener emails or from our patroon v I
p s. Hey. If you'd like to become a Patreon
supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content and other perks,
just head on over to patreon dot com slash Alchemy
this If you'd like to submit a scene suggestion via
email right to the podcast at your name here at
alchemy this dot com. First off, a note from one
(04:46):
of our Patreon v I p S, who wrote, for
Gary Anthony Williams, I'm Gary, Yep, there he is, okay,
Toyvo wrote, Yes, Direck Kevin, it has been mostly you
and I love it. Do you know what else? I love?
Gary Anthony Williams. That guy was pure magic in the
(05:10):
latest episode that aired on the twenty one July meeting yesterday,
That whole episode was ecstatic. Please give Mr Williams anything
he wants to keep him on. Given me everything I
ever needed. By the way, keV, you gave me for
the first for the first time in my life. You
gave me respect yep, and a neck rubb I've never
(05:32):
had at the same time. I had him on at it.
I had him on. I had him intermittently, as Caroline
used to say, she talked to everything about being intermitted, intimented, intimitted.
I've had him like that. I've never had him at
the same time, and you've given it. It was a
it was a respectful necro as we call it in
the business. Um, well, thank you for that. Toivo. He
(05:53):
goes on to say, even though I miss Vanessa's lovely
presence in the pod, episodes like Mr Williams introduction with
both Craig Cy and Mark g in the crew are
simply amazing entertainment. Vanessa Raglan, one of the founders, will
be returning to the show next week. Don't even worry
(06:18):
about it, ah, and now on with the show. See
number one comes to us from Kristen, who wrote, one
time our dog woke us up at three o'clock in
the morning because there was a seven foot long alligator
on the front porch of our suburban house. We called
nine one one and they sent a pair of burly
policemen from the Violent Offenders unit, who wrestled the alligator
(06:42):
off the porch and tied him up until the alligator
removal people arrived. A while later. The alligator removers put
the scaly fella in their truck to be relocated to
a nature reserve far away from people. They said that
it was the bree season and that our toothy friend
had probably gotten lost in his search for a female. Anyway,
(07:09):
I just thought that would be an amazing scene suggestion.
With apologies from being from Florida, CHRISTI m Jamie, Jamie,
wake up. You don't have to put your whole body
on top of me to wake me up. I'm up.
I'm I'm up. You're waking up. Can you get off?
Can you get off of me? Are you awake? Yeah,
we're talking to you. I am awake. Maybe having a dream,
(07:32):
Jamie might be having a dream, Carol, I'm awake. What
is it? I don't know what Maybe like an eighty eight.
I don't know how big it is. I'm not going
out there to measure Jamie. You gotta go out there
and do something. I just can't go out there. If
you're not going to go out there with a measuring table,
Hell would I go out there? Got to go to work.
(07:53):
I kick out there. It's like on the cards on
the front lawn. Hey, getter, it's me the house dog.
All right, all right, what's your business? I'm just looking
for love. I'm just looking for love. It is then
(08:15):
they love in that house. I feel you feel, you know,
there used to be these two. They're not doing so well.
You don't notice. But every time you talk to me,
there's a low growl after you talk. It seems to
be threatening. In to me. Here's what I'm gonna do.
Here's the deal I'm gonna make with you. I'm gonna
(08:36):
break down and do it as motherfucker. I'm gonna eat
anything that moves or make love to anything. Okay, okay, okay,
I've heard you out. I've heard you out. I'm pacing, okay, okay, okay.
I mean I don't want to die. I am a
little lonely myself. Um. Have you ever may love to
(08:58):
an alligator? An alligator of indeterminate links? No, no, open up,
open up, crowls base. Oh god, damn it, bone goo
is having sex with a goddamn alex. We kind of
do something. It's having sex with it. Something is having
(09:20):
sex with something in this house or on this Oh
my god, Oh my god, oh my god. Okay, I'm sorry.
Every time I get in the mood, one of my
balls get sucked up inside me. I tell you, I
tell you every time. I don't care if you're fucking
you with one ball. Okay, excuse me, sir. If you
(09:41):
were just the doctor will be in in just a moment. Um.
He asked me to come in and pre look at
your balls. Would you please PLoP them out? For me. Okay,
there's one and I'd like to see the other. Please,
oh oh my, oh dear, let me get the doctor
(10:02):
just one moment. Doctor, there is there is something that
you would like to see. Okay, go on, no, no,
I'll let you see for yourself. I'm going to go
out and get a milk shake in this. Is there
a patient in this room here? Yes? Yes? Oh, I'm
(10:23):
sorry patient. Yes, the doctor is visually blind. He's usually blind. Doctor.
I have to take a version of what other kind
of blind is there? I mean, that's like, that's what
blind means. If you're blind. Some people are blind in
different ways. Okay, so what i'd like to do, like
(10:44):
to see it in my own kid, you're blind, you
can steal with your finger. You can't see your finger, sir,
don't tell me what I can't do. In fact, you
know what, maybe you need a different doctor either. You
do see our balls. I'm sorry, so, Carl Steve. I mean,
(11:06):
I've been, uh you know, a police officer now for
seventeen years, but you're the first partner I've had that
was single. So if you could just hit me to
what's going on out there? Let me just turn the
radio down in case dispatch needs us. I think you
(11:27):
just turned it up. Hold, because before I was hearing nothing,
and now now I'm here in like wal to wall music. Yep,
that's me. I just wanted in case dispatch needed us
for any uh any activity out there in the neighborhoods. Anyways,
what what is the single scene like these days? Well,
(11:48):
it's tough out there. It's tough out there. Uh, I
I don't know which way your predilections run, fair enough,
you can fill me in, I could, okay, So, uh,
whether you're looking for a man or looking for a
woman or or other, or whether you're looking for all
(12:09):
of the above, it's tough out there, I see. And
your experience, uh do you have to know? Uh? You're
asking my hole in the ground sort of thing? That
is helpful? Sure? And what about shipped from Shinola? Look? Uh,
ship and Shinola is a toss up for me? You know,
(12:32):
I get it right fifty of the time, which is
not good enough. You know, you need to be identify
one or the other more often than that. So I'll
agree that that is a tough one. Carl Turner, get
in my office right now. Now. It's up Chief you
goddamn Squadcott was talked on the side of the highway.
We got us on the goddamn radio blaring to you.
(12:53):
We need to sucking help. Nothing's happening. I don't even
get a call back. I'm worried, sick at the station.
What the hell? Sorry? Sorry, chee. If I stepped in shinola,
I gotta clean it all off of my shoes. Oh
what's the difference between that and ship? All right, might
be shipped, This might be shipped. You said that, Chief,
I got a question for you. What you said? You
(13:13):
were upset and worried about us of God say, I'm
a sensitive guy, all right, Jesus fucking Christ. I'm not
sure why we're bringing him into it, but we don't.
All right, Diana, here's your second milkshake at the day.
It looks to me like you've seen a lot of
pre balls. Are pre seeing the balls? I gotta be
(13:35):
I've got to be honest with you. And this has
happened to me my entire life, my entire life. I
have a lactose deficiency, and when I am face to
face with a pre ball, it all comes rolling back.
As one man once said, it comes rolling down the
hill like a can of shinola. Oh yeah, Diana, I
(13:58):
gotta I gotta ask you something. If you do, make
sure you do it with a Spanish accent. Diana, what
do I have to do to get you to look
at my balls? I'm asking you about? Are you asking
me asking me to look at your balls? Is it
(14:20):
one and the same? It's one and the same, My
beautiful you just did it. Don't if I should still
be here or just waiting in line to order, but
it seems kind of like a private thing. So I'm
what can I What do I get for you? I
just wanted to cookies and cream? Got you? Is Diana?
(14:40):
By the way, Hey I'm Diana. I just got asked out.
I'm gonna see a ball? Okay, congratulations? Um oh I
think I reckon. I think you looked at um my
friend's balls at the ball doctor? Right, I'm working at
about doctors? Are you? Is your friend Marcos? Yes, it's
my friend. Yeah. Oh, I have bad news. I tried
(15:02):
to call him yesterday, but it just went to a
service that picked up the phone. Yeah, that's how his phone. Yeah,
I guess I should just deliver it to you. I okay, yeah,
it was a bad It's extremely bad. Here's a you
(15:22):
can keep the change. It's a quarter. Um, yes, So
what's the news. I'm ready, dude, I'm sorry. I was
trying to tell you, and you I'm sorry took a
big spat slurp from my milk. But I was trying
to say, is that Marcos? I'm sorry? Everybody have a
(15:45):
green priest license? Uh? On the on the ball lady,
that's me. That's me. It says all that on the
license plate. Oh it says more. Please read the whole thing.
I was gonna say. It seems short for a license
plate from what I remember. I'm the ball lady. Come
over and check it out. I have a milk deficiency.
It all comes rushing back as soon as I see
(16:06):
a ball. Is that that's it? That's my car? Waite?
Is Is that a problem? Not at all? I just
wanted to say, I love Press, I love that eco friendliness.
I think it's just great. That's all. Okay, sir, can
you direct us to where the where you last saw
the gator? But I was in front of my house. Okay,
it was in front of my house, and then my
(16:29):
dog and they were having relations. They were having sex.
I'd hold up here, folks, when you say your dog
was having its way with the gator or so we're clear,
was the gator having its way with your dog? I
need to get the right picture. In my mind, it
seemed like a given take. They seemed very open communicating,
kind of like maybe trying new things. Let me clarify,
(16:51):
but it's hard to find that in today. Who was
who was inside of who? Both? It was the exchanged
exchange parts holes. Yeah, you don't often see a dog
in a gator performing sixty nine. That's a new one. Yeah,
new for humans too, for some people. And you know
(17:13):
what do you mean by that? Man? What do I mean? Well?
I guess to say it um in you know, coded language.
My husband and I don't sixty nine ever, even if
what I meant to say, again, I'm sorry, I do
that all the time. I tried to say the thing,
and then I say the opposite. My husband and I
(17:33):
don't have sex, no matter what. Um right, sir, If
you tried to sixty eight, are you familiar with sixty eight?
That's where I do you? Excuse me? What do you do? Me?
And I owe you one? Oh ship? Is that the
alligator there getting side officers getting side down good inside,
(18:01):
I'll get her. I uh, I have to see you again,
you will. I'll never be too far away. I mean
you broke me off. Listen, I know that, I know
you been looking for love and you need We all do,
we all need love. But I gotta move home. Wait, wait,
(18:24):
any chance you can help my owners and Bud Wait,
maybe funk one or both of them. That's a scene
one ah see to comes was from New patron V.
(18:44):
I prote you guys. I've had a very weird cross
pollination with Kevin. He came and spoke at this CMO
Club summit. I was at Hilarious and Inside Film, and
then I got into some improv and was referred to
this part of casts from Zach Hutteleson at West Side
Comedy Theater. And now I'm taking a class from Patrick Rowland.
(19:06):
Not that you asked, you're My scene suggestion is the
attic of an Applebee's thanks for making me laugh so
hard and I've almost crashed my car on several occasions.
Kyle Jacobson the attic of an Apple Sherlyne sher line,
what we got customers coming? Okay, I've been down to
(19:33):
the basement looking for the pan to do fry. It
ain't in the basement, Slyne. Okay, well, it's not in
the kitchen. You checked the kitchen to where the pans
usually are. I've checked the pan area. I've checked the pantrey,
which I've enough. Pantrey doesn't have anything to do with pans.
(19:56):
I know that we've all been working at this apple
Bee's for twenty years. I know the entry has the
dry goods in it. But Sherlene is just one of
those words like hamburger don't have ham in it. Poetry. Now,
I'm so sick and tired of your fucking poetry. Okay,
you're a cook at Applebee. Stop doing poetry. If you're
really sick and tired, you should go to a doctor.
(20:19):
Doctor twy is he torn, Shirlene? Point is the pan
ain't down in the base stand? Pan ain't in the kitchen? Okay.
The only place it might be is possibly it could
be in the attic, but I don't want to go
up there because I'm afraid of stairs. Ain't nobody want
to go in that haunted attic of this year apple
(20:40):
be Shirlene, don't nobody want to go in the haunted
at this here apple by Charlene stand stop walking away
from me. You need to go. You need to go. Okay,
I'm I'm the boss here. Okay, I don't want to go.
I'm afraid of stairs. I don't give a shit about ghosts,
but I'm afraid of the stairs. I swallow my fear, Surelyn,
(21:01):
but I ain't never tell him where it's gonna come
up after I swallowed it. If I don't come back.
Would you tell my cousin he's the ball doctor, he's
visually brandy. Would you tell him that own not table
next to his bed underneath this red velvet? She? Are
(21:21):
you rotting it? I'm right, yeah, I'm writting. Oh shoot,
this pen doesn't have any Okay, all right, I'm bad.
Got this one? Yeah it works? Okay, Well, uh yeah,
I'm sure if you just want to step a little
further back so you can actually see the what am
I looking at? Well? Okay, everyone calm down at this
one of the time. Kay, Okay, further away to see it?
(21:44):
I am very near sighted. Well, your nose to wall here, sir,
so I need my hands on this wall to see it.
What do you mean fingers out of my house? Sorry, sorry, sorry,
just I'm sorry. So you're legally blind? Okay, no that's
not true. Look I'm not supposed to do this. But look,
(22:07):
there's a big case out there. Okay. I used to
be a detective. Long story short. Look, I need someone
who can see with their hands to fix it. You
understand when you say case, what do you mean? I
mean an actual briefcase. There's a case. Okay, I need
you to find feel it. Mr Stevens, thank you so
much for seeing me today. Well what a great office man.
(22:29):
Oh man. Um, I'm just gonna get right to it.
I'm here to pitch you this film idea. It's not
exactly a sequel, uh sequel to uh legally Blonde, it's reimagining.
It's called legally blind. Um. Yeah, and so she comes
to college. Uh this this young gal and uh instead
of being you know, uh attractive and super blonde and
(22:53):
all that, she's just blind. And um. You know it's
it's to interrupt you for just a moment. I and
maybe I'm the one that's out of place here and
I'm crazy, but are you pitching a movie to a
ball doctor right now? You know I was told I
could get a meeting with you. Sir, You've got a meeting,
but we call these appointments. So, babe, how did the
(23:15):
pitch go? Well, uh, it's for all of our dreams,
all of our hopes, like this brilliant idea. Yeah. So
it might be an issue with the guy who says
he's my new agent because he I thought he was
sending me to a film studio. Ding Dong, ding dong.
(23:36):
He's the only one that says ding dong when he
shows up. Was going on, I'm naked, I'm naked. You
look at the door. Okay, all right, Hey Steve, Oh baba,
how's it going? Vere? Hey? You know what? I don't
know if you're cooking it here? Doesn't smell like it.
Why don't we go to Applebee's my treat? Yeah, my
life was just throwing some clothes on. I was just
(23:57):
about to tell her about my pitch meeting. Oh, we'll
tell her over dinner. Come on a bottle of shirt
and on me. Welcome to the attic. Okay, who's who's there?
Who's air? There are many of us, many of us,
(24:20):
all the lost souls of Applebee's. Oh wait, I just
came up. I just came up to get a pan.
I won't disturb you, and you're ghosting up? Is there
a Is there a restaurant even up here in a
space we call your Applebee's basement Applebee's. It's like a
(24:47):
whole different environment, a whole different existence up here. We're
all dead. Would you like to see a menu? I
suppose in stead of me saying no, I don't want
to see a menu, I'll say yes, and I'd like
to see and I would we recommend the kicking sticking
(25:11):
chicken with a side of zucchi. Wait a minute, that
that recipe hasn't been around applebee since eighteen. I got
an idea if you go so work with me. I
can take your ghostly recipes from around the eighteen twelve era,
take them down to the kitchen Applebee's, and we can
all somehow turn this into a success, a financial success.
(25:37):
What did it for us? All Right? That was a
great report, Thank you, Marcus. Uh. Now, if we can
go onto some of our smaller stores or different markets,
it looks like a store out of Clearwater, Florida, and
Applebee's is booming. And uh we actually sent one of
our secret shoppers over there, and it seems like they
have a different menu that we're using here. We're asking
(25:58):
at least from corporate, so we have to aside from
the board standpoint, a couple options. I'll go through them.
Actually it's a long list. But could you actually speak up, Dave?
I have a touch of ear blindness. Oh yes, sorry, um,
of course, So Dave, Dave, Hey, how you going? Man?
Could you speak down a little bit? Sure, just a
(26:22):
little bit. You know what? Why don't you do? Why
don't we switch seats? You're closer to me. Oh, hold
on that that sounds like good. Just second, excuse me, No,
don't switch with me? With me, I'm saying trouble. Could
you speak with a little bit more base because it's
I don't know, it's just kind of scratches on my
(26:43):
ear switch. Alright, this is what I'm gonna know? What
is he saying? Okay, this is what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna talk with a Spanish accent. Okay, I'm gonna
try to be an Toni and bender's for a little bit.
I'm so sorry. I only understand people who speak with
a British accent. So you can try Spanish, but I'm
not sure all understand? Well, Bell, Hell the hell have
(27:05):
you been hearing us this whole time? Then? Huh answer
me that I might might. I'm happy to translate for
the lady if you want to just start off that
God that's Russell Crowe's brother from I hear everything. Now, Well,
we have good news and bad news for you. Yeah. Yeah.
The good news is the menu is is a success.
(27:29):
It's wonderful. I heard they're talking about us from here
to Florida. The bad news is we have to say
goodbye to you. Now, what do you mean? We're just
we're just you unlocked. You believed in us, and that's
all we were waiting for someone to believe in us. Right,
(27:50):
I'll miss you all, but can I can I come
with you? Yeah? Kill yourself all right, I'm gonna go
back down in kitchen and I'm okay. I'm miss saying
wait wait, huh will always be here or there? I
should say? No, you just you literally just told me
you were laved. But I mean where we're going, where
(28:12):
we're going next, you can always come. So why don't
you enjoy your time here? And when you miss us terribly?
You know what to do when I miss you terribly,
I'll do the thing that you told me to do,
perhaps my fingers three times and say chicken fried state chicken.
Hold on, don't say the third time, right, but then
(28:32):
you'll appear to me, which you already are right now anyway,
all right, well it was we are getting out of
her spirits, ghouls. Everybody all packed up ready, go oh,
here's that pen you were looking for. By the way,
I forgot this whole time. I was looking for a pan.
But you gave me more faith than myself, and you
gave us the same utter up. Yeah, well, I mean
(29:00):
looking at your chart here, sir. Uh, I'm not sure
where you were spending a lot of time, but you
have heavy, heavy levels of leading asbestos in your system.
And uh, I don't know what to tell you, but
I don't think you should be working in a restaurant
or you're gonna have to be doing a lot of
but work at home to take care of yourself. Sir.
The restaurant is out of now it's my life. And
(29:22):
I'll tell you where I was. I was in the
attic of Applebach. What that does it? Yeah, I mean
the levels of leading asbesis I mean, that's clear. I'd
like to see another doctor. Please, do you want to
see another doctor? How about how about a doctor sees you? Oh? Doctor? Yeah,
all right, all right, I'm coming in. Oh oh, it's
a competition. Okay, why don't you you You're welcome to
(29:46):
go with No. No, this is not about me today.
It's all about you, Dr dummy. Okay, well, if it's
all right, I'll no, it's not all right. I was
ving gestatious, Jesus strikes. What do you got, Jim, geez, Jim,
did you want us to see one of your patients
for a second opinion? I mean, yes, I'm trying to leave. Okay,
(30:07):
I was look, can I talk to you doctors on
the side for a second? Can I can know, sir,
stay in the gallon in the corner, and we're going
to look. I just don't get everyone wants to have
a second opinion, second opinion. You know, I spent thirteen
years in medical school. Thirteen years. Okay, I'm a specialist.
I have a subspecialty, and everyone was like, let me
see someone, let me see someone. Guess nobody does that.
(30:29):
Nobody does it with a guy to mechanic. Okay, you three,
get into my office. I'm the chief surgeon. While you
three were chinning, chatting, arguing, everyone in our hospital died
everyone and we don't even a lot of them. Were
not even bad cases, all right, but they dropped dead.
(30:49):
Because you don't have a doctor in a room, they're dead.
So this is on us. You're saying, Yes, we weren't
doing our rounds. We weren't looking after patients. Jim was
stopping us from doing our job. You know, you three
decided it was time to gossip and try to one
(31:11):
up each other like a couple little creeks. Excuse you.
I am the head surgeon here, alright. I went to
Harvard twice, failed the first time. Okay, is it head searching?
(31:37):
You three are on thin ice every We still got
the dead bodies in the room. You three are responsible
for getting those out of there? Um? What else? What else? Um?
You you gotta get new supplies. All the nurses quit? Chief?
Are you doing bits now? What's happened? Yeah? Oh? On
what else? Okay? So I was talking on my life.
(32:01):
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage now the Chief
of Surgery, Darryl frecal Time. Thank you so much. Again
for having me. Um, it's great to be here. Let's
get it up again for the host. Everybody. Huh about
brain surgeons? Do the thing about brain surgeons? Okay, okay, okay, okay.
(32:23):
Don't usually take requests in my step, but I will. Uh.
What's the deal with brain surgeons? Huh? Part of me?
Part of me, Mr brain surgeon. I am an agent.
I'm sure you could tell by my suit. And I
have a movie deal for you. Okay, I'll lay yourself
(32:45):
into my house. Don't worry about that. Don't worry about that.
This is Hollywood, baby, Hollywood. Okay, you're familiar with the
movie Legally Blonde. That's my favorite film. Oh I knew it.
Imagine this legally uh huh blind huh? Okay, So why
did you bring up the Legally Blonde film? First? Don't
(33:08):
have something to do with it by saying legally, But
I don't understand. No, no, it's a matter of fact.
What do you want me to do with that? I
want you to I want you to be. I want
you to be the star. I know you're you are
be the star you are. You've come so far? Are
you doing book poetry? Ladies and gentlemen, walcome to the
(33:29):
stage now the poet who knows it, David Barkenheimer. Hi, everybody. Uh,
you could probably tell him an agent by my suit.
But don't shut me out. Don't give me the boot.
You see, I'm here, I'm pleading. I need your love.
Oh he started No, no, man, he ran his boot
(33:53):
with suit rant I like that. Yeah, I didn't know
he started up. So when you look up to the
stars you might see me. I'm shiny baby. I'm an
agent from W M E. And that has seen to everybody.
(34:15):
Moose are the rails and we are off. The Scene
three comes from Emily, who wrote, hello all, I absolutely
adore your podcast and it never failed to bring a
smile to my face while I die of laughter. Up,
we've killed another. Thank you all for bringing such weird
and amazing energy to this world. I have a scene suggestion.
(34:36):
I'm from Joshua Tree, California, and would love it if
you all did a scene where someone is stranded in
National Park with very little supplies. Emily from Joshua Tree, Honey,
where's the there's a shovel in your hand, God damn it,
and where's the corn? It's behind you? Is that your
(35:01):
clever way again of saying that, Oh my god, thank god,
thank god, Oh my god, thank god. Sir, sir, can
we help you? Yeah? You have water? What's that water?
You have water? Water? We have? Funny, thank you? Are
(35:23):
you looking for the train station? I'm looking for water. Okay,
Well we can have a sip. You can have a sip.
But we only have enough honey for us. Honey, we
only have enough for us. Oh my god, he's loving
it so fast. Ok okay, okay, okay, thank you, yelcome,
thank you. What's your name, stranger? My name is Jerry.
(35:46):
I need something to eat. It's been tasty. What's your
last name, Yeah, Jerry. What's your last name? Fargola? It's
Jerry Fagola. What do you want from me? Give me
something to eat? I'm hung. What we'd like from you, Jerry?
Is an explanation? Well, I've been lost out here. Alright,
FBI agents, listen up, everybody listen. I put those put
(36:06):
that cigarette out a different jackets. All right, we need
to put everything down. Whatever you're working on stops today.
We have a number one suspect. I've been working on
a case for shut up up, Randy. You want me
(36:29):
to establish Jerry. I've been working on Jerry for Gola.
You mean Jerry Forgola? What him? Well, we all thought
he was dead and gone right, we all thought we
lost him. It's been dead for years in Guatemala. Turns
out there was a sighting where well, I'll give you
(36:54):
a hint. It's where wait, why are we doing here? Where?
I want him to have some fun here? It's are
we all went last year to those edibles and found ourselves.
I started occasion to night. You don't actually even work here,
if I'm being honest. Joshua Tree. Everybody was found in
(37:18):
Joshua Tree. That's right talking and Joshua Tree. I don't
know any more details, but I like how serious Carl's being.
He's taking this personally, and that's the type of officer
person we have marriages. I only have this case as
any testament in my life. Where Grandpa, Randy, Do we
(37:41):
have to go to the Texas school Book Depository again? Yes?
We do? All right? Now it's a museum. Now you're
you're not gonna find you're gonna find any evidence there.
You don't know how to look. I've been on this
case for sixty oh Jerry, nice to see you again.
Head on upstairs, you know your spot. Let me know
(38:03):
if you need anything up there. I probably don't need backup,
right back up? What do you call you, Jerry, Grandpa, Randy?
I have a lot of aliases. The only way to
protect my shelf and my family from reprisal. Baby, wake up,
wake up? Okay, I'm up. Oh my god, sorry, so
(38:27):
close to my ear. I don't know distances anymore. The
world's closing in on me. They found him. Somebody spotted him, Jerry, Jerry,
Oh my god, Oh my god. Honey, this is great, right,
great and bad. The rest of the FBI is going
to go out looking for him tomorrow. I'm going now, Baby,
(38:50):
I'm going to find him before the rest of the Honey,
why didn't you tell me this before we went to
bed tonight. Why did you in the middle of the night.
I wanted you to get a good night slip? I
really did. This is bad that night. Sleep. Okay. I
understand this part of your job is FBI. You're gonna
have to be gone sometimes I understand. But sometimes they
(39:11):
feel like you just lean too hard into the FBI thing.
This time it ain't for the FBI. This time is
for me, This time is real. Listen, We're gonna have
to suspend operations with Cuba. Alright, that's just the way
it is. Looks like Jerry for Gola has been found
that Red Pieces ship, that motherfucker who gave away our
(39:32):
approprietary technology as shun of a bitch, he's been found.
Did they find him? Wait? Wait wait wait wait wait
wait wait wait wait you saying the motherfucker that's still
Cuba from us earlier? You know what I thought you
were saying, Cuba is in Cuba. I thought same thing.
I thought the same thing that you're talking about the
(39:54):
country Cuba. Alright, time out was just too big. Alright,
we're all gonna have to get a little close and okay, insane,
Look what were you going to say? What did they
find them? What did they find them? Where did they
find them? And what did they find on them? Both?
(40:14):
I really am thankful that you guys let me go
camping with you, the water, the food. I don't know
how I'm going to repay you for let me stay
with you. I have a couple of ideas how you
could repay us. Okay, it was kind of maybe an
honest answer to the question where are you from and
why are you here? I'm from the I'm from Illinois
(40:36):
and I and I'm well, I was a paper maker.
And how how is it you found yourself in Joshua
Tree at all? What are you doing? Well? It was
simply I I went out a road trip and uh
and uh and uh and that this is the first
people that I've seen since you know what my wife is? Right?
(40:57):
Did you said paper maker maker? I worked at a
paper maker factory. It's, you know, a paper I don't
know what that means. I say, Okay, listen, I'm in hiding.
Is that what you want to hear? How long have
you been in hiding that you come up without in
hiding for twenty years? Okay? Please? Twenty years in hiding
and you're asked what you do and you say paper making.
(41:20):
And I was trying to keep it a secret, but
I guess I can trust you. Guys. You've been feeding me,
you've been giving me liquids. You can't trust I know.
I mean. Also, here's the thing. If you were in
hiding for twenty years, how come you're so bad at
surviving off the land. You came out of there like
thirsty and hungry as well. Well, I had a well
(41:41):
that I had Doug, which I thought was deep enough.
But how did you make it? How did you make it?
Twenty years? Where were you before? Right before this? Stop?
And this was this was a bad one. Look, buss,
I didn't mean any disrespect. Okay, So just just to clarify,
we're going after the guy. Don't even do this. No no, no,
no no no no expect respect, respect, respect, okay, listen, right,
(42:09):
I don't even look. You're making me want to go
talk to Salvator SALVATONI. I don't want no no no, no, no,
no no. Take it easy, take it easy, okay or not,
it's yours. It's yours, hey, boss, Before you get a
mouthful of shela me, I got a question for you.
It's too late, too late, me, you're right, it's too late.
Never mind. All right, Look, here's the deal. If we
(42:32):
don't get this guy, the Fobbie will get him first.
You know what I mean. That's what I was gonna say.
The Footbi is gonna move in before windows. Well, sorry, folks, Uh,
without Jerry here, we're gonna have to close down the
papermaker factory. What but This is how I made my money.
This is we make paper makers and then send them
(42:55):
to the factories that make paper. We're a crucial cog
in the in the chain of industry. What are we
supposed to do with the rest of our lives? Like
I don't know. I mean, what are you gonna do? Well,
I've I've always wanted to retire and visit the National
park System. Billy, what park do you think you'd go
(43:15):
to first? Well, there's one up in up in the
upper Peninsula of Michigan. That's uh, it's the least of
take it again. There's a there's a native population of
elk there and it's just beautiful from what it's called.
Are you telling me Jerry retired? Look, I don't know
(43:38):
if he retired. All I know is it we we
showed up and he's gone. He's the only one who
knows he has the key to the machines that make
the papermakers. Jerry just made this personal. If there's one
thing I'm gonna do in my life, I will track
down Jerry. I will find Jerry, and I will get
that people make or going back again? All right, quide down,
(43:58):
everybody down. New information, New information here, everybody, We're not
just going after Jerry. We're also not going after Carl.
He's gone rogue. He's gone rogue. He's a danger to
himself and to others. So you're saying to dismiss a
(44:18):
case of sixties and the amount of information they have
confided listening to you. So you're saying we are going
after Carl, or we're also not not going after Carl.
Both listen. If you see Carl, you shoot to kill
you shoot? We have to rent Should we rent the
(44:42):
guns out now from the armor rears? Yeah? Go rent
the guns. Everybody go all hands on deck. Joshua Tree,
go by the way. The Bob is also going there.
Hey you need to rent a gun? Yeah, I saw
you on the way to the armory. I'm going to
rent you one of mind going what's your name? Girl?
(45:02):
What's your name? Um? Carol? That's a pretty name. How
you spell it? How you that's enough, that's enough, that's enough.
If you're reaching my back hip pocket, you're gonna find
a block nine mill of me. That's for you, girl,
that's for you. Thank you? Do I just sign anything.
There's also this old guy here. I don't know if
(45:23):
he wants? Is that Randy here? Hey man, how you doing?
Bro fine? She needed to get a girl. Grandpa. You
don't need a gun, hey, trust you with one. You
need to respect your elders. Young man. Hey, but I
got a musket for you must a top note in
musket man. Hey, all right, please, Carol, don't move, Jerry,
(45:51):
don't move. We got you surrounded. What is this? What
the moffia here wrapped me out? Why would we wrat
you out? I've successfu twenty years and now the cocks
are here twenty years. I mean, don't do this, Carl,
(46:15):
Car'll do it too late. I've already shot him and
he didn't even know it. He didn't even know it.
Right now, there's a bullet slowly making its way down
from your clervical to your left ventricle. Did I also fired?
(46:36):
And so did the mafiaatting tools be able to show
this case? Damn? All right, somebody take this papermaker key.
That's the only reason that mery. I don't want that.
(46:59):
I won't that. Jimmy, do you realize that when you
closed down the people make a factory, you put me
out of work, you put my family out of work.
I had to go to learn to be an FBI,
just to track you down. Sorry, take the key, just sorry.
Fire fire, there's a fire. There's a fire. Shoot the fire.
(47:28):
Everybody shoot at the fire. Alright, FBI, alright, BI, quiet Well,
who knew? Our hero today is Randy. Randy put this
case together, he solved it himself. I dead. He is Randy.
You want to say a few words the first thing
(47:49):
I want to share here? Thank god, thank god he's
finally dead. Three. Well, everybody go back to your old cases.
I throughout all the evidence you told this is stop.
I threw it out, I burned it. I shredded it. Carol,
(48:11):
why do you have a hickey in your neck? I
hooked up with the guy who saw who gave me
his gun? What and how is that any of our business?
He asked me, What do you want me to lies? If? Yeah?
I know you guys are Carol, finnything ever happened? If
they ask you, you'd be truthful? Girl. Okay, you know
what in the Bible, page fifty eight, it says the
(48:34):
truth got your back. Oh yeah, look it does say
that right there. Yeah eight? Girl? Okay, Um, well, I
guess I should put my clothes back on and get
back to my office. Um no, let me slowly dress you. Yes, Michael,
(48:54):
it's I could. Thanks for coming in to see me today.
I just wanted a question about your put on page.
It says here and you wrote the truth got your back.
I'm just curious what you mean by that. What is
the greater meaning behind this? Well? Uh, I'm half happy
(49:17):
to hear from either one of you. I'm just bringing wine.
I just come in here to bring wine, and why
don't you pour the wine instead of just bringing Okay,
So when I wrote truth got your back, what I
meant was that you're like a team with truth. I'm like,
you're going to have to defend truth. But don't you worry.
(49:39):
Truth got your back again? Do you get it? I
understand words as you as you lay them out. I
don't know. More you protect the truth, the more the
truth will protect you. So does that mean just put
the Bible? Is there a problem with this? It really
makes sense. I understand you're selling hard now, but I'm
trying to make it clear. So when people read the
(50:00):
Bible they understand, well, I mean, it's truth. Whatever it
inspires them to feel will be fine. It's up to interpretation.
Is it the whole thing? And am I wrong? You
seem very defensive. I am. You've come to one of
my favorite lines, and it seems like you're gonna Michael. Listen,
we need this thing canonized. Alright, come on, alright, hurry up,
(50:21):
Just pick the line and put it in. We need
a canonize. Let's go. The guy's a fucking waiting these alright,
ladies and gentlemen of the congregation. That's way. I've known
that the Bible says Jesus pleases and a rally refuses.
You're turning the page. If you'll turn the page fifty two,
(50:41):
where there's a colorful picture of Moses sliding down from
the mountain on his might have different. I have a
different book. What wait, what book you got? My brother?
What's a Bible? Just different? My books a little bigger.
So fifty two. My my pictures are on fifty Oh
that's the book of proface? Is that was Michael's enemy?
(51:02):
You got Michael's Enemy's Bible? Hair tech. I didn't know
it was on sale. It was on sale. Don't don't
take me to the attic, No, welcome to the attic.
(51:26):
Can I offer you some Muzor Realistics. Today, let's thank
all of our akamis please, starting with Mr Garry Anthony Williams. Gary, Hi, guys,
thank you so much for joining us today. I know
you've you've got an appointment with the Open Road, so
we'll let you go. But how how you have any
(51:48):
anything you'd like to mention to the folks, A plug wise,
anything they should follow, look up or otherwise be involved. Yeah, yeah,
sure sure. Uh brand new TV show that I'm about
to go back can finish shooting for Netflix next week
called The Crew, So keep your eye out for that me,
Kevin James and some other people. And then if you
(52:10):
want to listen to my podcast called Day Drinking with
Gary and Elliott, I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind at all.
Day Drinking with Gary and Elliott. And look for the
Crew on Netflix, Yes, sir, And you're going back to work.
And what part of the world does that man Long Island,
New York I have to quarantine. They're going to do
the nose pap smear three times a week, the sweet
(52:32):
Sweet Nose pop. Has anybody had it up the nose yet?
You have? How is it? Yeah? Yeah? You know? Okay
A little bit. Yeah, it's you get a little you know,
a little spark, little spark. Yeah, I'm kind of looking
forward to it. God speed Gary, and thanks for joining us.
(52:53):
Thank you my friend Caroline Cotter. Anything you'd like to
mention or folks can find. Yeah, I'm gonna take this
time to promote my Instagram. It's Carter Poop. And just
know that I did delete it for the time being
because it's giving me too much anxiety, so I no
longer have it on my phone. It exists. Check it out,
(53:14):
but you know, don't engage. So you didn't. You didn't
get rid of the account. The account is still available.
You just got rid of it up from your own
individual phone exactly, all right, So leave you alone. But
check out the side. Check out the conte got the page.
Thank you for that. Mr James Teney, well, thanks for
(53:37):
having me. Um. I've been doing a lot of streaming
on Twitch which dot tv or it's it's Twitch dot
tv forward slash the real James. I have a feeling
you would find, din't I love that that you would know.
Mr Chris Alvarado, thanks so much for joining us, Pal,
(53:57):
Thanks for having me. I'm gonna give my to Gary.
I had so much fun playing with you, Gary, so
I want to reiterate check out and listen to day
drinking with Gary and Elliott. That's that's my plug. Nice
work much, Craig Katkowski. Yes, uh here we are in
Craig's grammar corner. As always. Uh, I imply and you infer.
(54:22):
I e. I'm the one who hints, and then you
have to read through the meaning of my hinting to
infer what are you inferring? As a phrase that means nothing?
You want? What are you implying? And then you can
infer what I impl They're not so interchangeable, they are
not flying that towards me. You inferred correctly, my friend.
(54:44):
Educational and entertaining. That's all we root for. And speaking
of which, Mr Joey Greer, thanks much for being here,
Thank you for having me. I'm doing digital mm A training.
If anybody wants to get on board it that so
you just email me some of your phone number and
then where should people email you again? Uh? Email me
(55:05):
at m m A trainer the best of the best
if you want the rest, and you're gonna have to
take the test at gmail dot com. Are you are
you doing that shin jitsu to the art of fighting
from the knees down using only the knees down, just
the shans are you doing exactly a lot of people
say because it's an exposed bone and the conroci by
one of the weakest. I disagree, and with my methodology
of injecting with certain metallurgy into the knee cap it stuff.
(55:28):
Not only are we gonna make the knee stronger, So
check that out. Wait, hold on, did you say not
only are we gonna make the knee strong? And then
you were done? I mean, if you want to know
the rest, No, no, I know. Let's thank our brengineering
producer of stars, Mr Doug Baine, the fine folks that
(55:50):
I heart media. I mean, how's Kevin Pollack. I'm minding
you to please be kind to each other, and damn it,
wear masks every damn time you leave the home. Where
a mask? Please? Um? Yeah? Thanks so much for all
the comments and reviews and emails and support. We greatly
(56:12):
appreciate you. Until next time,
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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