R-rated Freak Attraction...

R-rated Freak Attraction At A County Fair; Sheriff Pulls Over School Bus; Wall Streeter Sentenced To Community Service.

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, we have a bit of an announcement here,

(00:01):
joe you want to talk about this T shirt design contests.
I do open submission to anybody listening or a friend
of a friend pass it along. You got a design
you want to make for a T shirt, something that
you've heard on the show, that you want to live
in perpetuity in an image. Will send it to your
name here at Alchemy. This dot com submissions will be

(00:21):
done by November, and then our Patreon members are going
to be able to vote on which design they like
the best, and that one's gonna get put on a shirt. Wait, Joey,
does that mean we'll have shirts available just in time
for the holidays. Oh my gosh, that's an amazing idea.
Thank you so much. So and James, you're making sure
that we have a shirt available at where is it

(00:42):
going to be like you're gonna be located. You can
get it at the Patreon page and we'll get a
link up that will be uh put in all the
different places. Okay, so submit your designs for a new shirt.
We're gonna do as many as we approve in love,
and then the Patreon members will weigh in and vote
as well, they're votes will cast along with ours and
we'll pick ourselves some brilliant artists. Welcome back to another

(01:06):
episode of Alchemy This. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock, guest
that Kevin poll that. Well, they were talking which piece
I like to rep me on ye old monopoly board,
I'd say, we're talking to cat. What you may not
know because much like a real cat, the monopoly board
cat can also bury. It's it's millennium. I'm pretty sure

(01:31):
it's a snouncer. I googled this ship. There there's a
cat the internet. Let's meet an optimist shall no particular order?
She's She asked the question, there's a cat with utter disdain.
It's Vanessa Raglan Veniche. Yes, why do you hate cats? Well,

(01:54):
we had this cat in Reese's and we took it.
It was taken from its mother too young. We got
it at the a pound or whatever, the pounds to
call you to attack us all the time. And then
it learns that if it attacked us, it got to
go outside, and it would I was its favorite meal
because you let it out. My mom would let's say,

(02:14):
like Reeses go outside. After that. I didn't say that,
I mean throw the cat outside, and then the cat
liked it outside, and I just had bloody ankles. Yeah yeah,
I had some good cat relationships, but that one broke me.
Oh man, sorry, honest, sound the alarm. It's Mark Gagliardi.
Hello Gagle? You say? Who say? As a rule, what

(02:35):
are the fixings you put on your hot dogs? Never
catch up? Right? Never catch up? I'm strictly mustard and relish,
and I will when I do it. Try to get
the perfect little squiggle of yellow mustard so that it
looks like the hot dog on the Hoffee packaging. That's
not uh C D ship at all. No, no, no, no,

(02:57):
shut your half. Here's christol Verado, christoff with your pants off.
What is the seventh thing people don't know about you
that I used to have? Fifteen facial piercings are still there,
and some are still there. Hold the elevator because Joey

(03:19):
Greer's are coming. Dear Abbey Greer, what's your go do
advice to young lovers? Uh silence. Just just just don't
be afraid of the silence. Just let it be silent
the whole time, the whole time, the lights on, lights on,
eye contact, and just silence. I don't think my marriage

(03:42):
could take that and last today. But of freshly clean
sock in it. If you think him, leave say hello
to James E. D Jimmy Juck Store on your trunk.
What's the one item for you that makes doctor Strange?
Just costumes so damn cool? Well, I don't know if
there is anything other than the cape that makes it
so cool. That's the I mean, it's the case. I've

(04:04):
always wanted to wear a cape, but it seems like
I wouldn't be able to pull it off because I
had cloak. What's d C? We're talking marvel in d C.
Here I out nerded my favorite nerds. All right, let's

(04:24):
get to our first name, Showery. I should first mention
that we really need you, our favorite listener, that's you,
to please write a review of the show in the
next thirty one hours. Apparently that's what's needed to gather
more of you so that we can continue pleasing you.
All today's scene suggestions to gather from our listener emails
you would like to submit yours, please write to the

(04:44):
podcast your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's
your name here at alchemy this dot com. My first
scene comes, in fact from one of our fans named Corey,
who wrote I love the show, guys, been listening since
day one. Here's a scene suggestion. A Geese circus freak
show accidentally gets booked at a family friendly county fair.

(05:07):
Keep up the good work, Corey. More. We're playing this
punch to have y'all here. I'm sorry your name is again.
I'm okay, my daddy and Regor. Did you get all
of this? Jim? You can't get all of this. It's
just I'm not finding it on the paperwork. Jim, you

(05:28):
were embarrassing me in front of these new in front
of the circus. Ful okay, okay? What she needs a
place to set up that pop pretty quick or we're
gonna be in trouble. Here you go, here's your pile
for you. Oh goodness, Jim, will you will you find
her a place to put her pop? Please? Uncle? Oh

(05:50):
my gosh, y'all, I don't know if grandma and grandpa
are going to be happy with this entertainment. Look, look
they said they won't. Did they wanted a circus act?
We got him a circus act. It's the best act
we could get. On such short note, that guy's bleeding.
Where's your pan for it? Oh gosh, did you say
where's the camphor? Damn? Oh? The tent for the first

(06:11):
aid tent for Oh y'all did you get Yes, I
have to pop up tents right behind you. You can
see them over there. Okay, y'all go ahead and follow Jim.
All right. Excuse me, I want to lodge a complaint
about that, but hold us al okay, man, you can
come with me from the church across and we just
want to set up our past. We'll set your pass

(06:32):
rights be a family friendly event. This is it's gonna
be a family friendly event. Don't you worry. Don't see
what I'm talking about. This is what grandma and grandpa wanted.
Is the last thing we could get. We couldn't get
anyone else on the short note, excuse me, Church across
pass is not at the top of your list. Well,
y'all were at the top of I mean the circus. Okay.
We've done this for a year and I've never heard
us revert to It's just like last minute thing. No, no, no,

(06:54):
you're only saw a butt hole? Can that boloject it? Lady?
Sure you? Oh my god, how many fingers see you
have shaving. Can I just save it? Christing Shelf in
fact had a bottle. Oh my gosh, this is going
to be a disaster. Yeah, I think you're right. Christ

(07:14):
did have a hole. Marley. I've had a butt hole. Marlene. Now,
why are you coming to me after service and all this?
I'm just putting earth. What do you want to tell
me you've been I've not been figuring. I guess I'm
just realizing that my body and your body and close
the curtains alight. The candles are quickly up. I'm sorry,

(07:37):
I'm just breathing. A lot recently has come to my
I can't, I can't the candles just don't. Let me
tell you. The dark just recently come to my attention.
The crust, my father and your father, all of our
father and the son of God has had a human body,
which I know we knew this, but I mean Cross

(07:59):
had had a beeny cross, it had a bottle. You
need to come with me. You can't listen to you
pick one. You have information. You have information at the
secret Council. Who knows who told you this? Come on, guys,

(08:24):
some only I need to say supre council meeting. But
I thought we were all saying, every woman, secret, come
forth with your cross. It had a butt hole penes,
and we have no reason to believe he never had
use that to do discretion from his butt. He also

(08:46):
had toes and fingers. Well, we've seen pictures at the
toes and fingers of the chance. What I'm saying is,
have you ever thought about this God? It had a
humanly body, which must have had humanly body funds. Somebody
closed the curtains like the candles. I just can't alright, gentlemen,

(09:10):
put the hoods on over on your clothes. No, no,
I don't want to be that. We're about to show
you a relic from the past, the past, relish. Look
at this relish a pin. It's a pin from nineteen forties.
Look at that. Yeah, not not the very far past,
like the more recent past from the Yeah, look at that.

(09:34):
I'll see it. Prick yourself with it. I don't want
to We've all done it. It doesn't mean I have
to do it past brick. If you want to know
the truth, I'm not going to do that. It's a
couple of diseases pass, okay, okay, everybody, So I'm just

(09:55):
checking in how is everybody feeling in the tent. A
couple of my hats got loosened. We gotta catch them
because they're feral and they will breed and if they
you know, pretty much get in contact with a child
or personal for you. Oh Jesus, man, God, I just
need to go over a couple of old man. You

(10:15):
can't be showing me your asso. Man, he's DoD this
for fucking sixteen hours on the road. He just pops
over to me, wakes me up with it. He says,
I got a brown eye for you, and I look
up and there it is. And guess what my toothbrush
is in there too. Sometimes he says he's just cleaning
for me, A family friendly even we're family and that's great,

(10:36):
that's greatly. What we need from you is we need
to know we're going to have a clean, fun show.
We have children, we have elders. There's no way we go.
I like to welcome the newcomers to their grandma name
a man, and Jesus that now, what do we have here?

(10:57):
What are y'all doing? A pumpkin? You're in booth? No,
I carved up catch and I ate their energs and
then you know kind of just what kind of fake
people are gonna have based on it. I'm pierced boy,
pier hell Grandma, Grandma, grandma, they have they have a shirt?
Oh god, wait this happens to her now she's speaking

(11:21):
in tongues. Let me really quickly draw a star around her. Grama,
do you have any answers? I think I had had
a heart attack. Did that boy? Did that boy save
pierced boy? Piers I'm per what he's all pierced up? Momma, Mommy,

(11:47):
you ain't supposed to be in this tent. You told
me they were going to be. MoMA, I know. Let's
go to the church and let's go to the Church
of Jesus Christ. Let's go to the church Genus Christ.
The devil Boy, get the devil boy, and guess what,
I'm a burn this tint. Mama. Oh, yes, I'm sorry.

(12:12):
I didn't. I didn't wasn't able to sell any of
those uh elephant ears. Okay, I didn't make any money.
The whole fair lit up on fire. Everyone scattered quick
because there was a fire. Nobody was hungry, no, no
one was hard. Did you get the money that we
can pay with? Baby? Who are you did the elephant
ear so much? Yeah, you know what, I got some

(12:33):
more ones. You eat this elephant. Hope harmed in the
making of this ear not not, I hope. I'm not
intruding on anything. I wanted to see if you were
still interested in my offer from over here Big Elephant
Ear Corps to buy your little company. I heard you
had a rough day at the fair. Doesn't need to

(12:56):
do that too, Big you make good corporate capitalist bottle
your little kid, Jared. This just killed at her child. Jared,
what Let's give him the land and let's give him
what he wants most of all. Rebecca, No, I'm not
just take me Rebecca from Big Elephant in Corporation. I

(13:18):
took my shirt off. I realized what you did. This
is appropriate day. I had a great day's fair to day,
and I think that we're gonna be just fine. I
don't not true. Everyone's dead. Man. Please close your blouse.
Come here, cuckoo, up on my team. You're you're going
through just you're spiraling. Yeah, I am spiraling because we're

(13:40):
about to lose our home and I have to give
my man this, this man my body. You really don't
what he wants. I did not ask for your but
and with a child. Let's what are we gonna do? Look,
all you gotta do is sign this paper right here,
and all your troubles will be over. Take me, take
me no, right in front of you. Sexual I hate

(14:05):
to interrupt. Hi, I'm from Big elephanty or International. I
have to make you an offer you can't refuse. How
do you even know about this place? How did I
know about this place? I've been following you all around
this podunk country, cigarette out in your face. I've been
bested by Marlborough char We have to do it. What's

(14:25):
the deal? I don't know what the deal. I'll go
down on you. I don't want you to. This is
part of what I have just satisfied myself in the
van before I came in. So I'm on cloud nine
right now. And you know what would make me even
wet or even hotter is to sign this deal right now? Well,
it would make it would make a Big Elephant a
corp wet. You couldn't get wet if you pissed yourself.

(14:50):
Do we have a deal. I don't know what we
poor powdered sugar on fried dough. Okay, work for me,
work for me. I'll work for you, know working. You
are yucky lady that I can get you out of
this life. What's your name? Jared? Jared Jared Jared jareded

(15:10):
Come here, I can get you out of here. Take him,
Take him, mommy me. I'm going to dad. Can we
bring Neal? No, we can't bring that. But I can
take you and I can take you to the top.
I'm talking Tokyo, Okay. Cigarette burn is growing. I dip
my cigarette and stuff before I do that. Look, Stared,

(15:34):
get real. What's holding you back? This shitty apartment, your
weird bodied wife, my kid. Family's business, my grandpapa, my
grandmama and before them, they're grandpapa and their grandmama started
this business when America was founded. Well, guess what America
is in the ship hole, honey. But I can take
you to Tokyo. You want me to leave my homeland,
that's right, ideal to go to greener pastors, that's right, idea. Well,

(15:57):
I'm gonna stay right here and I'm gonna build back me. Baby.
Go No, your grandpapa found in this when America started
in Okay. That's enough. That's enough. I don't goddamn elephants. No, listen,
I'm gonna stay here and I'm gonna wait to Well,

(16:17):
then I'm gonna do it on another way. I'm gonna
I'm gonna go underground if I have to. I'm gonna
go up ground to the tippy top of the sky
and see the sun and kiss it in the eye.
But you're not gonna take this business away from me
because I love it and I love my little boy. Okay, Well,
just a little news flash. We're steamrolling this house in
about twenty minutes, so get out while you still can

(16:38):
kiss me. Kiss by No, Luis, got damn it? Why Neil?
You have to make a decision. Do you want to
come with me or do you want to stay with
mommy and die here in this building. I would like
to go with him. Yeah, I'm gonna go with that
and not die in the building. Okay, alright, Oh, I
hope no elephants were harmed, and make you got a

(17:02):
lot of elephants were A lot of elephants were. That's
that's fried meat and sugar. You're always said, there, Dad,
you've not been cutting the wheel ears of elephant, does they?
That's why it's so good. Then I'll stay here and
die with my mother. That's more like it. In Congress four,

(17:25):
we hold these truths to be self evident. That God,
I don't know. I can't even think without an elephant
here right now, Senator, you're about to go on all right,
are you okay? I will be okay after just a
bite of an elephant here? Does anyone know where a
company could provide me with a damn elephant here before

(17:46):
I go on stage and read this declaration to all
the rest of the Congress. I don't mean to speak
of what with me being the janitor and all. Sure,
but I speak speak. This is America. Well, my my
wife packs me delicious elephant hears every day for lunch,

(18:06):
and well I have a couple of myself. Don't get
that close to the senator. It's fine, it's fine. He's
offering assistance. That what's your name, young man, grandpapa? It's
lovely to meet your grandpapa. Pleasure Thomas Jefferson. Now the
Thomas Jefferson, Yes, the one from the mountain and the money.

(18:26):
May I have one of those elephant heres? Of course?
Of course, here you go. Oh my god, Mr Jefferson.
The broadcast is about to start right. People can't wait right.
I just want to eat this elephant here? Oh my god,
is this is this actual elephant? Well, there's a little
dough to fluff it up. You you could make a

(18:48):
fortune with this, you know, well, I don't know. You
could start a dynasty. I just get this weird feeling, Mr. Jefferson,
that one day my great great grandson will ruin it all. No,
why would you have a feeling like that. I'm done,
that's fair. You're you know you've got all this wonderful
product to break this up with somebody's ship in the hall?

(19:09):
If you could clean that up? Is it from that
circus sack that we brought into open for me? From her?
She does this every wedn't do it? I wasn't me?
Is it that pierced man who shows his asshole to everyone?
You can't prove that I'm the one shitting in the hall,
but I can't prove that you're the one cleaning it up.
So get to work. You're the only one who eats
beat salad around here. And it's I think someone's asses bleeding.

(19:34):
Oh it's this goddamn guy again. Get away from the senator.
Who I love that guy? I've always wondered what they like,

(19:54):
and now comes to us from Jacob. I just spin
coffee all over my kitchen when the ghost of Abraham
and Lincoln walked into the history classroom teaching. Seems like
we've got ourselves the pension for incorrect history. I really do.
I have my terrible scene idea is a school bus

(20:16):
pulled over by the local sheriff and then in quotes,
church is chicken signed Jacob, remember what churches chicken? Churches
chicken too? You want to explain that one? Okay, thanks,
I'm doing it for the gags. You remember churches? Remember
churches chicken? Where did it come from? It was? I
just remember it being a mantra that we kept repeating

(20:37):
over and over throughout a scene for not for that,
but remember the core. That's I am blackout drunk for
all of them. I'm not going to remember this in
an hour. We're blackout improvisers. Now, the local sheriff pulls
over the school bus. Hey, kids, sit out place. You
gotta sit on the back. I'll pull this thing over.

(21:00):
Rank sure he saw you standing up in the back.
The hill's going on in there. I need you to
open that window all the way. All right, I'm gonna
come in through this window real quick. It's too convenient. Hey, Ramirez,

(21:25):
you can just use the door. I just I wanted
to do a surprise entrance because there's a lot of
chaos going on in here. I'm gonna talk to these kids.
Your pants smells like bacon. Listen, you little bitches. I
want you to be silent. I'm a police officer. Okay,

(21:47):
I'll take it out. This is a guy. This is
a cool. Now, I've got your bus driver. Do you
like your bus drivers? You're not, really, sir? Why do
they not like your is your gun in my ears?
I'm a citizen? What do you I'm coming in the bus?

(22:08):
Appolate over there? Pulling over a school bus? Least like
I'm gonna. I can citizens arrest of you right now?
A problem here? Well, i'll tell you what. There was
somebody throwing books out the back window. It was moving
pretty fast. But my guess is either geology or geography.
It was something geo. Okay, yeah, well that doesn't seem

(22:31):
to me like feel it needs getting to god. Who
wait wait wait wait yea that I would kill but
I'm just trying that. I hate Bartner Sorry, you said
you need to back up. I had to coming through

(22:51):
that way. I'm his partner. Who are you? Why you
have a grenade. I'm not going to use your kid hunting. Thanks,
but the grenade away a little bit of a yeah, angry.
You know you shouldn't be throwing books out the back
of the back of a bus. Throw books, bitch, No,
I know you did, Cindy, Cindy. With all this chaosk
going on, something might happen to all of us. Hey, George,

(23:14):
I do not want to date you. I don't want
to date you. I don't I'm not gonna kiss together.
George in a treaty science India doesn't want to kiss him. Sorry,
and I don't, So I guess what we got ourselves.
There's a good old fashion. It's not a stand off,
because if you drop that grenade, you're gonna kill yourself.

(23:35):
I'm Mark Ruffalo, I am here live on the scene.
There is a Mexican standoff going on. Inside this Mexican standoff.
Tarantino said that no Tarnay Diane Krubikoff and you can't
say Mexican standoff, but that's what it's cut. We have
is a hot, hot situation on a school bus, of
all places. I remember the owder course, Diane, your producer

(24:00):
and your can you not upset Mark Ruffalo? We know
what happens when he gets angry. I'm so sorry. I
forgot great Mexican standoff. It is problematic, No problem, keep going, Mark.
We have two police officers and we have a citizen
in there who's claiming there's an arrest happening. We got
a lot of kids in there. This is the night
the twentieth Hours. It's a hard first sentry. Get get

(24:27):
piste off and I'm doing something live here like I'm
doing live TV. Okay, okay, get angry, don't touch me? Okay,
fan hop Yeah great? Anybody anybody a Diane fan out there?
Mrs Allie, that's not my wife. I'm as offended as
you are. Oh yeah, yeah. I don't think he can be.
Oh I don't think you can be. I can't. I know,

(24:48):
don't piss him off. I told you, I'm trying to
keep it under control. That Ruffalo isn't made for this
or I'm made for live TV. Sam. I understand you
have some interesting it's just when people come in and
be the new field reporter for us. I'm looking at
the list here. There's a couple of names I gotta
ask you about. It seems too good to be true.
Let's Chris Evans. He wants in he does he wants

(25:12):
in action news in the field. Listen. Yeah, you know
the market, the industry went from being you know, big
movie stars and now they started infiltrating television. There's the
marvelous Mrs Maazel for instance. We had actual film actors
that are now doing television. I don't know, but now
they want to go to the local networks get down
and didn't trill down? Do you want to trill down? Okay?

(25:34):
Because also you've got Mark Ruffalo on the list. That
camp now when is he on the list? He's here? Really? Yeah?
He refuses to leave. Hey, guys, I'm sorry interrupting him back,
It's okay. Am I going to see you can't say that.

(25:55):
Is there any way that I'm gonna be able to
be seen now? Or well? Um, I just want to say, Charlie,
we just got a report of a school bus hastage situation. Mark,
if maybe you want to try that out at down
Route nine. Diane's on that. Diane, we've been getting a
lot of emails about your feet on wicky feet, So
what I post? Tope, Well, you can't post your own

(26:20):
post my own pictures. No, it's like giving yourself a nickname.
You can't do that. The people gotta gets it, Yeah,
you gotta. You gotta have people scour. We're never going
to get along, all right. All I want is the
kid who threw the book out the window to stand
up and come to the front of the boss. Everybody

(26:41):
there it was you stand up. I can't. My shoes
are tight. Tod up. Okay, alright, let me come back.
Justice are you looking for? Sorry, you're starting to scare me. Listen,
I'm scared you are here. Four ut listen. All I

(27:01):
want is to take the perpetrator of the crime of
throwing books out of window. If I'm guilty of anything, Officer,
I'm guilty of loving too much, not me. I do
not like him back, like share a g I don't
want to know. It's first grade. We've sat a each
other because our names alphabetically are near, and I felt

(27:22):
the connection Cindy with with our shoes tied together and
tears in my eyes. We put good I mean, okay,
I'll put the grenade. What are you doing, Thompson McGregor,

(27:45):
can I see my Yeah, Thompson, you need over the
report you need Yeah, Thompson. It says, uh, this is
this can't be right. It probably is. That's your paperwork.
And you're right. Okay, you put a gun and then
a grenade and a kid. That's not true. I didn't

(28:05):
have put the gun to his head. I took the grenade.
So you put a grenade next to a child's head, yeah,
I mean it was Honestly, I figured that your gun
was in your hand. Oh, of course, in fairness, if
I could say something in defensively, thank you. One of
these kids did throw the manual for a geo tracker

(28:26):
out the window of the back of the car. And
uh and and you know it is illegal to throw
books out the back of a of a school bus.
The bus over. The breadsticks are free if they want more. Well, thanks,
it's uh, it's real nice to him bring me to
the Olive garden. Was real to have you in the garden.

(28:47):
I don't think there's anything in this garden more beautiful
than you. And here we are. We have one Fred
give it to him first, and one tour of Italy.
I'm sorry, Taylor, I'm sorry, this is my section. They
ad your spiff somewhere else you got, Taylor, don't come
over to my tables. Wow. So look, I gotta be honest.

(29:08):
I've never been asked out in the middle of a
hostage situation before me, you know, brandishing a weapon, didn't
have anything that there was saying. Well, you did kind
of hold up a grenade and say that I had
to come to the olive garden. But I was small,
and honey, okay, give me a small won't you please start?

(29:28):
And here are your What are you doing? That's okay?
I was like them both, what you know what? We
can each take? We I'll take your bread sticks and
she can take your bread Look, I'm a walrus. The
bread sticks did look like tough. You saw me doing
one line of cocaine in the bathroom, and you lost
all respects for how long was that line? How long

(29:51):
was that line? I've never seen a picture of a
Walrus from RISS, because I have one on my phone.
I believe you that that's what I was on most romis.
I haven't been married before. Twice actually went wrong. Oh gosh,
Well it's usually it's about my height. Oh like how

(30:12):
big you are? Yeah? Four two is not oh gosh,
trying to make you feel good. I'm trying to make
you feel I will take those thank you house out
of the Oh wow, gosh, you made a whole log
house for Is that for your walrus? From my walrus?
That's you, my little walrus from oh god, I feel

(30:32):
like I'm let me feel you feel soft. Well, that's
like trying to hear you at the ice t like,
oh gosh, a third server. Honey, you're a fusty little guy.
I don't talk about. Well, that's a lot of piercings
you got. It's a family thing, you know. I think

(30:56):
we had one a t too straw? Ohkill it or
just okay? I do like that. They're the paper stop.
How many in your party? Four? Four people? I got
a table maybe in six hours? Sorry, I got a
tating that long. No, we're not waiting that alright? Well

(31:19):
all right, well then we could get ahead on the list.
How many people? What? Okay, come on, don't go without us.
I don't know. I don't know what's happening. Well, I
guess we'll take a table for threes. There is there
an opportunity for one soon for a table, three, three,

(31:43):
six and a half? Are you writing in your hands? Okay?
I couldn't help, but notice you guys are having a
heart time getting a table, are Yeah, Well that's the
problem when you go to these mom and pop Italian chops. Yeah,
let me give you my card. There's a place called
the bur Bank Empire Center. Not only is there a target, right,
not only is there a TJ Max keep talking, there's

(32:05):
a Jama Juice and there's also some of the best
Italian cuisine you've ever had. Can we go there now?
You can go there now? And as a matter of fact,
all tables are empty. That sounds great. It's only across town.
Would take like forty minutes. Let's do this, It's true,
that's great idea. Do you mind showing us how to
get there? Sure? Just hop in? Okay, great garden? Just

(32:27):
one one else or you know what I ditched to
my group. All right, this is my first me time
I've had and I don't know twenty years. I'll take
a caraff of what is the red drink you have? Okay? Yeah,
that sounds great. We are we are out of the
red at them. Oh, damnity. Yeah, it's okay, it's all right. Ship.

(32:49):
Well what do I do? Actually, one of my co workers,
I was, okay, we're gonna see I love some. You
want to do some some blio? What some? What you
want to get some? I just want some cocaine, That's
what I'm saying. Oh then yeah, okay, yeah, what are

(33:11):
you guys raised into an olive garden or something? We
would just hand Okay, hi, sir, I'll show you my
identification and that general manager car just fell out. Oh no,
oh no, my partners get I was trying to do
this without my partner getting out of the car. This
is really a big deal here, this is this is
borderline a bribe. But I was just information. Oh how

(33:35):
did you get here? I told you I'm not and
I told you went so poorly. I didn't want to
go on anymore. And I told Mr Ruffler Diane, we
have another situation. We have an Italian standoff. I'm sorry
you can't say that. Well, it has to do with
the type of food that makes sense standout Tarantino. Tarantino

(33:59):
is from Mr Ruffalo. Mr Ruffalo, there's a big to do.
Now you have a choice. You can go solo and
cover this live what it's a choice, Diane or or
does Diane get the choice to go solo? Or you
can bring Diane. I'll leave you to gonna work. Hi,
welcome to Tarantino's for men. Hi. Would you like to
be fitted for a suit today? I need something Jackie

(34:21):
Brown style? Uh something can call her white and black
is easy for me. Do you have that yellow jumpsuit
from kill Bill? Yes, yes we do. Oh great, I
thought it might just be men'swear. No, no, no, please,
what are you afford helping me? And then this? Well, sorry,
palsy zero, let's get going to be hard to find

(34:43):
closely to find the suit myself with you as soon
as I can. You were just with me fucking back
off right? Fuck, we got a room for you right
over here. Put you in three okay, bring you a zip?
He excuse me? Is there a problem here? Yeah, there's
a home here. There there was a guy who's helping me,
and then just say that again. There was a guy

(35:03):
that was helping me that one more time. Don't do it.
There was a guy that was get out of here.
I'm I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to shut down
tarantinos from it that just can't can't house can house

(35:24):
the location. We pay the least, I know, but it's
too much. We don't need you pay too much. What
are you not being able to house? You don't understand
any of you're paying too much. We can't. We can't
house it we're supposed to do, Jim, I guess it's time.
It is time take off your pants, sir. Okay, Now,
what we're planning on doing is a remodeling the entire

(35:45):
area right here and just making it a giant TGF. Okay, Okay,
I'm gonna take off my feet and uh. The whole
point of this is just to invite more family friendly
restaurants into the mall. My god, I gotta let you
make us some coffee. Just give me a second here,
I got a hooked nail on my pinky toasts catching

(36:08):
the sock. Uh and uh you know, so, just so
we're clear that the mom and pop restaurant scene is
really blowing up and we really want to catch that
world clothing story. I know that that's why you're going
down and TC Fridays is the mom and pop you're
returning to. Yes, let's look up on the scale of
mom and t j I. Friday is the opposite of
a mom and pop. Okay, do you it's a nation

(36:29):
my chance? I think nation one? Well are they think?
And they're saying there's a chain of restaurants called mom
and Pop. I think that throughout the nation there's Mommy
and poppies. You do? So when I think of Mommy,
Poppy is not rolling the beat? This is my beat.
What seems to be the problem. Here's my batch. Here's
my gun? Rachel, you got a gun. We never authorized

(36:50):
the gun on your Rachel one. Can you tell us
who this guy is and what he could possibly be
mean here at the mall? Well, he owns the mall.
He's out of share of them all, and we're bringing
in some mom and pop stores, I think, and kicking
out Burbank. The whole town bought them all first of all,
So you're just as Luke Burbank. You're a citizen of

(37:12):
the town. No, but his parents had shares of the town. Well,
nothing says Tarantino for men like Burbank. Wait, nothing says
mom and pop store like Tarantino for men. Yes, it
is the very definition of mom and Bob. Who am
I gonna shoot Rachel. Hold on, Rachel, No, look, burbank,

(37:32):
burbank that gun. I can't not the safety. I didn't
know there was a safety. Oh my god, my toe. Sorry,
that's what my blood is. I got your nails at
your nail should slide right off name we bled out

(37:53):
from his toe and I was far far the scene
of the day. It's brought to us from Alexander, wrote,
Dear Alchemists at Alchemists are brilliant as hell and sexy
as all caps. In my scene suggestion, a coke fueled

(38:16):
Wall Street. A coke fueled Wall Street hotshot is sentenced
to community service. Of course, he brings a stash of
coke as he's on a clean up crew. I love
you all, thanks, I love what you've done with the place.
David and Sendo Domingo, Dominican Republic. Alright, so just so

(38:39):
we're all clear, all the people we're gonna be working
with today are you know, just dealing with stress. So
we're just going to be uh helping these people do
some silent artwork and then you know, silent artwork, silent
Are you okay? You look kind of fine. I'm just
here to do my community so of us. All right,

(39:02):
is that a Bentley? Bentley? I've never seen one of
those persons, but you can't touch it. Stay back, okay, Okay,
I'm just trying to get my service done and i'd
like to do it quick. Okay, I gotta go, go,
go go. You know what. You know what we could do? Actually,
we could offer you a youth hockey team if you
want to coach that instead of coaching youth hockey team.
I'll give it a shot. But I've never played hockey before.

(39:24):
It's okay, talk about teamwork, right, all right? Show me there.
We actually got to shut this program down. I'm sorry,
kids again, Yeah, you take another loss. I'm sorry. You
know what. I'm back. Nobody came to meeting with the
hockey team, So I guess I'll just kind of square
this up first. You guys need to do youth art work.

(39:46):
Did you run to the hockey rink and I just
walked away and noticed you weren't following and where I
was going, So I don't know why you would lead.
You don't know where you're going exactly. So either you're
gonna handhold me my way to the next hockey match.
I'm gonna these kids do some finger fucking pat very loud. Alright,
let's you know what is going on over here? Why

(40:07):
don't you two kids just joined the hockey team. We're
art kids, all right, you know what kids? Let's oh, alright,
So we only have this outdoor rink for the moment
of practicing. Um, but I think you'll find a lot
of joy in it. All the kids here are you know,

(40:28):
from different backgrounds, and there's no ice on this rink.
It's just a dirt rink. Yeah, it's just dirt. We
have dirt skates, so it's pretty hard for them to
skate through it. But I want them to feel what
it's like to have a blade on the dirt before
there's a blade on the ice. Alright, fine, fine, I
don't get fun. Where's the rest of the hockey tea, Jeremy, Um,
I'm Barbara. My children attend this, uh the center. Have

(40:51):
we met before? Yeah? I see you pretty much daily
over the summer when I drop my kids off. It's
been brought to my attention that, um, our children. I
know you're okay, it's been brought to my attention that
our children are being left in the hands of criminals
who are choosing this as opposed to jail time. Is

(41:15):
that correct? They're logging hours? Yes, Jeremy, I've given you
a right home. Jeremy. All I'm saying is it seems
dangerous that we have ex contics. That's where I know
you from from the right home. Yeah. Are our children safe? Yeah,

(41:41):
they're fine. Their kids are going to be saved. I
feel great now, Thanks Jeremy, You're welcome. Um, Paul still
not hasn't come home. It's letting you know. Is that
your son? That's my husband? Oh no, I cried about this.
I cried in your lap. I told you that. Ahmember,

(42:03):
what's going on? Hi? The kids are waiting. Has to
go to them on what's going on? Why are you
talking to Jeremy? Well, did you hear Jeremy's have your
age of Harbara? What are you doing? We're just having
a conversation about the kids. Why are you touching his?
Aren't like that? Because I was trying to communicate with him.
I think this is messed up. Step what don't start
bringing your don't knucky marriage. It's not my marriage. The

(42:27):
community center. It's frying Barbara that I'll tell you where
your husband is. Your husband's always staying at my breath.
Why is it away staring at my breast because my
husband it seems weird. Good for you, our children kids.
It's really time that you guys have got to win
this match because I don't get you guys to do
a good job here that I'm going to go back

(42:48):
to jail. I just wanted to do art. Listen, this
isn't an art thing sometimes, you know how ballyt on
the ice is like art. This isn't nice. This is mine.
But I'll tell you what art a is. You guys
winning a game with TeamWorks so that I don't got
to go back into the big rank. Electric Eels? Are
you ready to play? Ruddy? Ruddy? Were they were really big?

(43:11):
They're big because they're older than you. One day that
you'll get bigger because you'll be older. And the monster
up wheels on their skates and we have blades. Why
do we have blades? Have monsters? Electric Eels? Are you
ready to win? What are they channing like that? And

(43:31):
why are they Why are they sharpening their hockey sticks?
Because those skies used to be in winners and you
guys are about to become winners. Hockey is like dance Tanner.
I want you to put these blades on the side
of your coach form aren't there because it seems dangerousers.
We're gonna wait, all right, when these lit kids come
near you and want your jam in the throat and
that looks like she has soft bones. Yeah, take advantage

(43:54):
of it. We don't lose. We're electric eels. Can I
play goalie because then I can just maybe do my
playto art while I'm there, and then if it comes near,
I can do it. I don't want you to touch
one piece of god damn playto the rest of this.
Just make muddy angels with my pappa. If I see
you make one mud angel, you're going to join the

(44:15):
real angels. All right, Let's get the two coton in here.
Let's get the two coached in here. Come out here.
I do pretty good. So you're the new coach of
the Bumpy Bunny for now. For now, we might change
their name. I'm gonna wipe that smirking up, backing up,
breaking up, break it up, probation officer coming through. Look
who it is the visiting If it isn't cocaine guy

(44:37):
and this eel guy, are you supposed to be here.
You don't call me that. I've had a couple to
drink this morning. But that's besides the point. Here's what
I need to let you know. Whoever wins this game
goes free, no more probation. Whoever loses. Oh my god,
my god, that just came onto the other mud pit.
It's hot. I know where is your husband? Which husband?

(44:58):
I don't have one? What I don't know? I was
trying to make a joke, like, what's going on in
your relationship? It's really bad right now? Oh my god,
I don't want to talk about it, but like, it's
really bad. I can't hear you're taking it's really bad.
I'm so sorry. What's going on with your relationship? Are
you still buy? Or were you ever buy? Or was
that not by? But I'm also doing a it's like
you said that, but you've never been with a woman

(45:18):
I have been with I'm a woman with Words with Friends.
Oh so like I have like a text relationship with
someone on Words with Friends. Your bottom lip is so full? Yeah,
I brought the drinks. Hey, hey, okay, cutie, wait wait,
why are you flirting with her? Just said he look
cute today? Do you pay words with friends. One of

(45:40):
his monster truck wheels just went over my bed. Wait, ladies,
I just have to know, are you do you guys
vibe of course with each other. I don't know what
that means. Why would why not me? What do you
mean like if you're buy yeah, I mean that's obviously
your energy is just like ay, and what's that? I

(46:02):
totally agree? Yeah, No, it's not in the mean way.
You guys are sick about. Let's all go out for
a drink, ladies, Oh my god, yes we do. Oh
my god, hand down betweens from Sweet Cheeks drinking rose.

(46:27):
K cat you put cats in your rose your nicknames
get cat s week. We don't like this. Well, we're
all by. That's an invitation to him. If you say that,
why that's not an invitation over here on my thumb, No,
get the hell away from me. Excuse me. Probation officer

(46:50):
coming through here, Probation officer coming through, ladies, we're all
that's an invitation. I know now, I know. That's why.
You know, whoever loses this game is going back to
the whole what what hole? The jailhole at sec Adzeckhole
Administrative Segregation. Oh it's just a little cop talk. I'm

(47:16):
a little tipsy at play out of my pocket when
kids chuck it? What do you say? You smell like
it's like whiskey said something else. Okay, back to the game.
I don't want to guys are doing, but I need
you to do better. On you listen to me. All right. Look,

(47:41):
if you can't get these kids to stop bleeding, I'm
gonna have to forfeiture game. We can clon rosh this.
We can give me a second here, it's fine, it'll
burn for a second. And did you have time? Now?
All right? Okay, clock Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry, come here,

(48:02):
Come come here, Larry. Throw me in there, Larry. I
know it's just been this game, but I seem to
feel like we've known each other for our Oh god,
here's a hundred dollars. I don't know what that buys you,
but do it by your time from Larry the time guy.
Excuse me, I started by you guys, somebody tasks grabbing
some cocaine from here? Could I ask which one? Do you? Guys? Know? What? Oh?

(48:27):
You wanted the cocaine? Kid? Thanks? It makes my playto
art come alive. There you go Electric Eels. God damn it.
Why are we winning by more? I mean we're winning
because we're weak. We need to kill them. Are routing
like sixteen to nothing? Well I'm not seventeen to nothing. Listen,
I don't want to point. Coach put razor blades on

(48:49):
our skis. Of course you can cool, you're in skis.
Kid on the other team, pounded blow right now, you're
richtwork announcement and with the local sports report. Let's throw

(49:18):
it now to Mark Ruffalo. Thanks Chad. It looks like
everyone on the Electric Eels has had cardiac arrest. Diane, please, no,
it's fine, keep going work. It looks like the entire
team of Electric Eels has had a cardiac arrest. All
the players are seizing on the ground right now, throwing
themselves through the mud. Um. There's a high speed per

(49:40):
suit with a Bentley and I'll get to that in
a second. I'll just be back here. I'm not even
Mike all right, I'm sorry. Can we just bring the
camera over to an intimate conversation between me? What is
going on? This is never going to work out? Mark?
I love you, but look, you're you're better than me
and everything I just want to compete in the same world.

(50:01):
You're not competing, You're winning. I'm not even on camera
to day because of you. You animal. You're not on
camera today because if your actions. You threw hot coffee
on everyone in the office. What you burned? I said
a few pictures of my toes to the wrong people.
And look what happens to a woman on wiki feet
know erection. He's turning green. Now, if you keep this up,

(50:22):
you're not You're hurting my eyes. I'm sorry, I'm hey, boss,
what do you want me to put on the green screen?
We gotta go to blue screen? What are you doing?
Why are you singing? Mike? This just DIDTNS into a home.

(50:43):
You're doing it? Yeah, iim on camera. Lie from KPTC
q L t r P. I count sixteen dead children, okay,
seventeen dead children. Well, this one's not part of the crime.
Say sorry, So back to sixteen. Huh what are your

(51:04):
instincts doing? Well? You just hope that when a city
reaches out the children provides a service community. Sir. I
don't want to be birose, but I didn't bring enough
chalk for all the bodies at the chalk isn't even
working on the try my sharpie shopping won't work on
But why don't you grab some of the scattered blow
that's all over this place. That's a good idea. How

(51:25):
about to grab what's powder? Does anyone have his plaything? Yeah?
Here you go. Thanks, Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry to interrupt. Officers.
Here's some free bread sticks. We're just across the way
with some mom pop. Thanks to appreciate that momus. Tyler, Hey,
what are you doing? This is my helping the crime
scene and you're making your family your friend crime. Yeah,

(51:51):
it's an internal thing. Internal internal huh, some kind of angry.
Did you know any of these children? Counting the number
you new? Yeah, I think a new seven on Many
guests said have been seven? Yeah, seven seven? Which one

(52:13):
you pick? Call my name Danny, Danny, Danny, Dony, Donny,
Donny and d w dB And I'm so sorry to interrupt.
My table's been waiting. I am so sorry, I am
so yes. Yes, I'm looking for somewhere red for oh
my god, the children. Yeah, yeah, it's it's the Electric

(52:36):
Eel Team. It's it's fine, it's okay, I got it.
We're gonna quarantine the area off right and the restaurant
is open. Welcome to prison, cocaine nutcase and Jeremy the
guy who supped to watch all the children. Yeah, sorry,
enjoy the clink clink for negligence to bitch yea cocaine.

(53:02):
You'll find plenty of that in here. Really, She's why
I was trying to get out the whole time. I'm
guessing you're a dum dumb do I know you? Sure? Keith,
Keith Carmel. I'm Keith Carmel. I gave you ride home. Hey, Hi,

(53:26):
is is Stephanie hill Um? If she's not, that's okay,
she's Actually it's okay. I wanted to talk to you
really quick to notice that. Thank you. Every time we
have a conversation, you stare at my breasts and I'm
not crazy, right, I mean, they're cartoonishly large, but everyone does.

(53:50):
It's not I apologize. I didn't mean for that to
come out the way that it did. Stephanie. I'm just
back from the market where I've been. Yeah, I was
at the market. Okay, I'm not having an affair, thank you. Okay,
By fella, I forgot my shopping bags stuff. What are

(54:13):
you doing here, Barbara. I was coming, I stopped by
the how do you your tips out? Which one the
left one? That was also the reason I was staring.
See right there it is. I'll leave you to it.
I've got to go unpack the groceries. Oh do you

(54:34):
want to do this? I don't know what it is
that we're doing. You showed up at my door and
my wife came home with I'm guessing the grocery man,
who was very weirdly nice to bring her groceries, but
then he just oh, she didn't have any groceries in
her hand. Let me go get that guy. Let me
go round and get there. Hey, hey, hey, in them
in the room. Yeah, hey, um. I want to trouble

(55:00):
and I don't want to. I don't want to fight.
I don't want to problems. Man. I think my wife
just looks man. I just sucked her and that's it. Okay, man,
I don't love her anything. Okay, Wait what look man,
I don't want to relationship with her. I just wanted
to get off. That's saying I'm happy that you have
to be the burden of all the other ship. Okay,
what look, man, don't kill me, man, Okay, don't kill me, man,

(55:21):
Please welcome back to you. I just wanted to get off.
Guest today is Tim Tomulm. Tim hey Man. Yeah, how
long I've been working in the grocery store. I've been
working in the grocery store for probably about eight How
many customers would be bagged if you had to narrow
it down to between one and a thousand to to
tell us about the second one? Well, uh, it was

(55:42):
really nice he uh what about him? Cut your at
I'll tell you what the pecks on him? Uh huh.
And that was enough to get you going. Well, I
mean I just like uh, I like being held and
uh I found out you know that it was just
something that's comforting. So it wasn't necessarily sex per, but
it was just that comfort level after the fact that cuddling.

(56:02):
Did you drive you home? Let's just say more ways
than one? Yeah I did, Tim Tom, there's no need
to cut to commercials. Nobody's listening to Alright, we're advertisers
have left. Were they all abandoned us? They ad us?
Look at that, Tim, that's pretty good out of your pocket.

(56:25):
So as long as you like, now, let's just shut
it that you're interested in inslam advertisers. Yeah, you got
Father's pizza. Yes, I am. We just took a stab.
I have a I have a card here. Who's that
fell out? You really committed to general manager chain? Yeah?
This general manager? Yeah? All right, Well it's uh five

(56:46):
dollars and that so dollars and that's it. Yeah, well
this is the national Show. Times are tough, alright, I'll
buy all of your rants forever. Okay, all number, that's
sixty dollars. There you go on two, three, four, one, five? No,
I only have five ones? Back to five. Shoot, I

(57:15):
have a hundred and fifty nine dollars in here. All right,
we'll call it square then, but you said it was
you know what? Hold on, I can't believe he actually
refused my offer. I'm gonna come back with more. You
drive a hot bugging I do what I can't get?
Where the hell am I weights? When my breadth? That's

(57:36):
today show. Let's thank all of our alchemists and no
particular order. James Heney, how are you? I'm doing really good. Gosh,
it's great to be here. Ride home. Are you you
still on coke as a kid? You know? No not,
I'm on a total downer. I need to get some
more coke in there real quick. Find the real James

(57:59):
he need come alrighty Mark? Uh find me on Twitter.
I'm at Mark Gags about start season two of Blood
and Treasure. Before you go back to Renten Shine. I
leave in one week from right now. I will be
on an airplane, very most, very moment, a Canada air Canada.
You like the aisle? I do? I like the aisle

(58:20):
because I got a six hour flight. I want to
get and I don't want to bother the other two
step over me. I don't want to step over Yeah, exactly, Venetia.
Yeah he any new? Any more new machines down at
the Dynasty typewriter or just the holding study at the
Owl's beard. Yeah, but lots of great ideas just ready

(58:42):
to explode. We do have a face towel warmer, do
you really? Yep? And some oils. We need to plug
it in and get that. Is that for anybody or
for the performers? Oh for the performers, I'm so sorry.
That's still a coffee machine in the dressing room. Oh yeah,
there's actually Kevin Pollit memorial. I love every square inch
of that, and thank you for joining us. Today, Christoph Ronolds.

(59:04):
So nice to have you back in the saddle. Hey,
it's nice to be back. How is how how for
you being bad? Everything's great. You know what's really exciting
to me right now? Alchemy This Instagram. There's fun content.
There's videos, Yeah, there's pictures. I mean I even got
to answer a whole bunch of questions from day which
was that Danny. That's probably why I thought Joey was

(59:27):
running the um Well, yeah, she's awkward guy Chris at Joey,
Jeffy Greeber and I'm not running the Instagram. But there's
a lot of new content Danny. So whatever you do
and you create, you have to ship it to Danny.
Yeah Danny, Danny didn't. Yeah, he's just like a social

(59:49):
media dude. He's like an expert. Yeah, I don't know.
He's from he lives in New York. What accent is
that New York? Is it like the Yeah, I'm from
the Bronx New York And Cardi Bade James, We've already
talked to you. That's our thank our engineer at the

(01:00:12):
started post sound design artist Raphael and I al Radio.
I encourage you'll be to write a review till everyone
you've ever met to write to us at your name
here at this dot com, and also tell everyone you've
ever met to listen to the shoe. We have some

(01:00:32):
exciting news coming your way soon, so look out for
just under the heading exciting news again right to us
at your name here at me this dot com. I'm
your host, Kevin Pok. Until next time, a football