July 30, 2019 • 62 mins
Ulterior motives abound during a snipe hunt of the southern rich and infamous… What the hell is up at this “friendly” game night gathering…? Crappy products from big time celebs somehow start working…
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to Alchemy this. I'm your host, Kevin Polo.
Guess that Kevin Pollo. First off, let's watch the tone. Yeah,
and b I can't wait until you're just paying a
monthly fee of eleven dollars to twelve different streaming services
because that'll be the only way to watch TV. But
(00:22):
I digress. Let's meet Sometimes I go dark. Always gonna
start with a stroke. Yeah, no particular orders. Say a
lot of Mark Gagliardi, Oh gags. Yes, when you're gonna
settle down and give your papa and me some babies
(00:44):
when you guys get off and asked about it, I'm
trying to build a career. Yeah, yeah sure. Coffee Alert
The town focus Carlikowski, car La La Land? Who does
who does small town? Oh? I left other word? He
which is the shortest word. Who is a small town? Fella?
(01:05):
Have to flate to get a break in this damn
ton This Lacroix is delicious correct Continue small Jews for
four hundred. Who says you can't cross the streams? Welcome
Call Stratton to his first non guest hosting. Everybody. It's
(01:30):
a real guys. Finally were in the same room together.
That's right, Cold Dancer by Night. What's your favorite thing
about Joey Greer? Oh right, yeah, I was favorite probably
the way he just dusts the green room with his
farts before he goes every time, and then he goes
and sick. Keep in mind, folks, again, that's the favorite
(01:56):
thing about Imagine the least it get and somehow miraculously
welcome to the micular veniche. I have nothing in here
for you. Welcome back. And what the hell do you are?
You look exactly as you did when last I saw you.
(02:17):
I don't know how that's possible. That means you were blowing.
You were glowing then and you're still blowing. Thank you? Yeah,
so extraordinary? Yeah right, maybe everything's good as as well
as these things can go. Yeah, truly, right truly. And
how many miracles have to take place before you come
(02:37):
out the other end of that? So many, so many,
you know, vulgar things. And did you did you do
us all a solid by having a videographer for the
whole thing? Oh yeah, I'm gonna have a really great
video of my placenta. Yes, I do have it, and
I'd love to share it please. Nature's growth screening at
my house time of sweeps, you got three weeks to
(03:02):
edit it. Kid and last, but fill your pie hole
with mother mccake. If you think of Leae, it's James
Heeney everyone j j Heeneyville. Care to share your experience
of our live show episode from the West Side Comedy
Theater from a couple of nights ago. Well, my personal experience,
it was a lot of fun I had. I didn't.
(03:22):
I made sure that I used the restroom before we
went out on stage, before we were even asked to
go out on stage, so I didn't get to have
that epic entrance. Yeah, it was my first time at
one of these in person, and you were explaining to
me this restroom issue before going on stage exactly. That
was my question. So here's the issue. I don't remember
(03:43):
the din taper. I was the last person to come
out in the stage, right, But it was not because
I wasn't prepared. There was a queue of people using
the restroom in the green room. So when I finally
got in, it was just that because there was three
people ahead of me in line, and I was like, oh,
I can't really quick do this, which at least who
could who could have been ahead of you in other
(04:05):
people then I think it was Craig. But the last
person was was Vanessa and you were able to use
or you might have been somewhere in the queue. I
know for a fact I was like, I can wait
until I'll just be last. It's gonna be fine. But
then then I knew people were out there, and I
did have a moment of debating, like how fast do
I wash my hands? And you need a solid uh
sixty seconds under a stream of water with your hands
(04:27):
sudding up. Oh my goodness. Okay, so here's my first suggestions.
First of many, uh, don't adhere to such strict rules
when you're being called. And then I have to air
dry them because my hands are sensitive. So I had
to another two minutes shaking my hands in the air.
How sensitive are they? Wait? I don't care. All right,
(04:47):
All of today's seeing suggestions were gathered from our listeners,
and my hands are sensitive. I'm kidding. Welcome to the Navy.
All today's Seeing suggestions were gathered from our listeners. Email.
If you'd like to submit yours, please write the podcast
of your name here at alchemy this dot com. What's that? Yeah,
I'll repeat it. It's your name here at alchemy this
dot com. Our first scene comes from Reston, who wrote,
(05:11):
Dear Alchemists, how do you from Texas? I just want
to say I love every one of y'all's podcast I
recently was I recently was discovered podcast now that can't
be right? And you guys were the first. I mean
I literally cut and copied and pasted, so good on
you Texas. Uh, and you guys were the first podcast
(05:32):
I ever heard. After the first episode, I binged the
entire playlist. Thank you. It never fails to make me
laugh outline. Also absolutely love y'all's accent, our accent, and
characters such as Marvin McK in Room fourteen two. Uh.
But I as I could talk about you guys all
day and how amazing y'all are. I feel like you
(05:54):
guys know how awesome. So I just love the constant
use of y'all just slipping in there. At least we
forget where this is from. My different scene as a
group of fritch Southern aristocrats going snipe hunting, trying to
take one another out because they want each other's fortunes.
You guys add whatever you feel necessary, Sincerely, Yours, Resting
Sales ps. Yes, I know it looks weird, but it's
(06:16):
pronounced resting like you're resting on the couch. Just for
charity and clarity. Oh nice, Uh, Betty Bob, you're gonna
load that gun? Are You're gonna stare at it for
a week? And I'm just not sure if there's a
good reason to be loading the gun. I was trained
that you only need to load it when you plan
(06:36):
on using it. I see, so you brought a musket.
Is that a problem? I don't think it will be
kind hunter right? And how many kills you got so
far this season? Not this this season? This season season.
I haven't gotten any kills yet. But but I haven't
taken any shots. Oh, it takes a long time to
(06:58):
load my musket. So you're still bad in a thousand.
I'm still batting a thousand. Oh God bless you and
your family, which I see you've brought seventeen up. Well,
they're in the car. They're not all going to be
able to come out here. But I'm planning on teaching
one lucky kid like hunting today. Well, you no idea?
Which one? I haven't decided yet. I thought maybe you
could take a pick. I'm gonna go Carl Jane, Carl Jene.
(07:20):
But Carl Jean's got some problems. He's emotionally unhinged, which
is why I think it's down to put a damn
gun in. Al Right, can you run down the window
on the car. Okay, I'm coming back to right now. Okay, okay, alright.
Oh they're seventeen of us in here. What's she trying
to do? Okay, We're gonna roll all the windows down,
(07:42):
and Carl Junior. Is it Carl Junior? Right, Carl, Carl,
it's Carl June. I'm so sorry. I don't know. No,
we're looking for Carl Jene, not Carl Jr. Sorry, false,
Oh mant Car j Carl Jenny juniord back at home? Well,
(08:03):
we don't want Carl Jandy's here. Arby's is here as well,
but Carl Jr. Back at home? All right? Here he
got the meats. Oh man, I am pretty close to
roll in these windows back up and shutting the door.
Where is Carl Jene in the trunk? We put him
in the trunk because he's mostly on he alright, alright,
I'm gonna pop that trunk alright, windows down, far enough,
(08:26):
free guess yeah, Pap, this is fine. You're in charge. Okay,
and come on, Carl Jene good, Lauren, Okay, made a mistake.
We're not taking car Okay. He grew an extra head
(08:46):
while he was in the trunk. I'm not sure we're
not going to be able to take Carl Jene. How
about this? Uh? I told you, Daddy, we warned you.
You did actually, in all fairness, I warned Fred. He said,
you know what, I'm gonna take Carl Jane my scar.
(09:07):
All right, Andrew, I just think if we form an alliance,
then maybe we can really take out everybody and split
the riches altogether. Now that does sound like a good
playing they are, Charlene. Let's spread out right quick, and
we'll let each other know when somebody will be a
shooting that off. So I'll make this noise and that
means I just shot someone. Okay, that sound good, And
(09:28):
I'm like, I like this noise, but check check checking out.
Oh that's a really good noise, got it. I hear
someone talking about alliances Mint Julia, I would love him
in Julip, thank you when I brought him in a
picnic basket right beside my handgun. Now what's this I
(09:48):
head about alliances? Well, Andrew and I are going to
form an alliance and then we'll just split the riches
because that works out so well. You know, Andrew was
aligned to his former wife before she disappeared, but now
we all know that she just went away on a
homemaking trip. That's what I heard. She still has an
(10:10):
Insta account and she's constantly posting pictures. She's never in
the pictures, but she posts them. I follow that account too.
It seems to just be upholstery. Lots of upholstery shots.
Very suspicious if you ask me, but it's true. Andrew,
can you can you tell us why your wife is
so obsessed with upholstery or she just loves upholstery so
much that she uses Alemi stock photos for every wonderful
(10:32):
Instagram posts. Interesting thought that women were best served by
each other. So if you change your mind on who
do align with, we could shoot him in the head
right now. Okay, well maybe this could be a three
per three way, A three way, Yeah, maybe all three
of us could align. You are you fellas the Carls?
(10:55):
Ya think I got what you're looking for, but it's
going to cost you well well, money ain't an issue.
What are you gonna call? Well, everybody knows about your
your new feud, the Carls versus the Alliance. Something. I
have something that the Carls might find interest and keep
talking right here in the trunk of this here him
(11:16):
engined dodge Durango. I thought that was an impeller. But okay, well,
I do not know how you can confuse a Durango
and an impeller. Perhaps the animals themselves, but not the vegle.
This book getting beside the point. I've been hurting too long,
you've been hunt If you got a rabbit two headed
kid in that trunk, then trust me. I don't need
(11:38):
another ruin of them. Oh really, trust me? What would
you say if I told you I had a disappeared
wife with an Instagram account? Keep talking, keep talking, that's right.
You really want to stick it to the Alliance, Yes, sir,
this is y'all. Hold y'all, hold this this little lady
for ransom. Here you take a thing that the Alliance
(12:01):
got to offer, and old jed on't ask one thing
in return. I want a carl name. You want to
be in the Carls. I want I want my own
carl name Jed. I got a couple of questions. I'm
gonna start with the third one. All right, who's the
lady in the trunk? It's the wife of one of
(12:22):
the two that formed the alliance. Originally you can instagram.
Oh my god, you're following too. Yeah, I mean it's
mostly a poster. Does that mean you've been taking these pictures?
Because this is a great account. Don't you know about
this woman's account? She takes all the pictures. She ain't
in on none of them. I thought she was dead. Honestly,
I thought she was dead. A lot of people think
(12:44):
she dead. Carl, Carl, would you mind if I get
back to my list of questions? Oh that's right, we
only had number three. We started with three. Jump to
seven listening. Yeah, so you're playing it for us to
become kidnappers? What am I play? It is for you
to defeat the Alliance? Right, however that happens, I don't know.
(13:04):
I'm passing any questions as long as I give my
carl name. Right. But your presentation, your gift, as it were,
to us on this day, is to hand us over
the kidnapping. As I said that, which is a think
about it. Fred Ruther Fruit's been saying that his wife's
been on a long trip and says he's in contact
(13:25):
with her. This is proof that he don't know where
his wife was at. Well, I like what you're saying there, Carl, Carl,
Maybe we should let her majesty say thumb. All right,
let me get the lock and the padlock and the
chain and this electromagnet's that's strong and she's able to
get out of all that. You have no idea there
(13:47):
you go? Well, hello, there, a little lady. Can we
get you anything? Sorry for your discomfort? Rights you get
you up some lemonade, perhaps an arm palmer? All right,
all call you want to get the normal pomer for
the lady. You have to deal with my carload of kids.
But if you really want me to go, I will
well shifty paces that way, mde being bound and taked
(14:12):
and magnetide should us take a toll on a homemaker?
How long were you in there for? I don't know
how long? Would you say, chess? Yeah, it was about
forty five minute drive from where you were. Yeah, probably, yeah,
taped up the whole time. Yeah, time feels longer when
you take congrats on that Instagram account hundred forty one followers.
(14:36):
I mean, that's something else, shouldn't It mostly started footage
because I seemed like a good hole trapping in the
cave system. And I'm still passionate. You see, I just
had to get away from my husband, keep talking. We're
not big van to Ruthie's ava. He wanted to take
my money, your money. We were married, though he didn't
start a pring up, and usually that's in favor of
(14:58):
the wife. But seeing as I did some unconscionable things
to you would end it up with everything. She'd be
taken into the legal system, right, right, And where do
you value that? The fortune of yours at presently monetarily speaking,
forty four billion dollars. That's a bee on there, right,
(15:19):
that's right, that's what I think. I haven't seen the
suns for myself, but that's what I figured, right. Oh, yes,
Texas money wise, I don't know American currency at large,
oil is probably four building. So you're unaware at this
point of your overseas holding, correct, and what might be
(15:41):
saying a secret account exactly? Well, I'm starting to think
we help you out a little bit and perhaps you
can shine the shoe on the other side. Could you
go get another lemonade? This it's an expensive stand over
(16:04):
there that little girl, and okay, I'll be back. Yeah, yeah,
thank you. Well then welcome back. We have to kill. Okay,
so you want another lemonade? Yeah? Maybe less ice cubes
in at this time. So it's not well, I just
gave you a lemonade. You gave is pretty rough. I'm
paid for it. You said you paid for it in
a week. Well, okay, I mean, but it's do you
(16:27):
not have that? I don't have credit here? Okay, this
is just a stand I'm eleven years old. What are
you talking about? All right? All right? How about what
if I gave you my shoes in good faith? Eleven
year old girl? What do I need a fifty two
year old man shoes for? All right? Will you name
what you want because I'm good for the money. You
are fifty two, I was just guessing. Well, thank you.
(16:49):
I'm actually a little bit older, but I don't want
to disclose my age. I'll take your mustache that's attached
to I know I want it. Okay, Alfe gave us
some more lemons. You know what to do? Oh? How
how you suppose I take this mustache off. Excuse me, first,
(17:10):
I have to squeeze these lemons that life gave me.
And now you just shave it or plug it? Why
don't you plug it? Why don't you sneeze it off?
Can you sneeze it off? They'll try. If you can
sneeze your mustache off, I'll give you four lemonade, four
lemonades or four lemonades for a sneezing. Couldn't he prover
here sneeze hard enough to knock a mustache a knock.
(17:33):
He's hard enough to knock him much stash off. I
gotta see this. I'm an addlectional lemonade has something about
to sneeze off a mustache that everybody better chrome down.
I'm not tile is sure I'm gonna be able to
lose this. Come come on, try who's got like some
(17:54):
pepper a feather tip of your love? Okay, you try it,
try sneak everybody calmed down. I'm gonna need silence. I
think it's looking light. Look at look at lights. Just silence.
(18:15):
You're going to get out of this group? Sorry, okay,
I was gonna take some concentration. Give the feather again
I'm gonna stare into the showy o Oh gosh, it's
all over my fingers. I've never seen so many mustache
(18:36):
hairs in my life. And downstairs hair oh my clients
popped and something of your hair on your head? Where
are your eyebrows? He's gone full out of pation. Okay,
I need to get some lemonade at the very least,
since we're to wipe these hands off. I just want
to apologize because I didn't think you'd really be able
(18:58):
to do it, and now you look crazy. Here's your lemonade, sir,
you upsetting guy. Al Right, I think well notice in
the line. Now let's pick out some places and spread
ourselves out so we get the best shot possible. Does
anyone want a grenade? Oh please? I love a grand
Right next to you, this pic nic masket as all
(19:20):
sorts of surprised ad Here you go, Here you go?
Thank you? Think lovely Julius. By the way, that's a sugar.
That's the secret. I thought, So how did you know? Okay,
so my sound is I'm honested. I'll say kill great. Okay,
I think we have a good plan here. I think
so too. Five good luck, that's right, Hey, kids, scooch over,
(19:45):
this car is not that big for all seventeen. Sorry,
that's me. I'm a Carl now, I'm your new brother.
You're so wait a minute, baby, before you go, can
you tell us please? What is it? Snap? I understand
(20:06):
that hunting snap today, and I'll just wonder what the
hand it should that be? I think a snipe is
just a made up animal. When you say that you're
gonna go snipe Hutton, when you just want to kill whatever.
So it's just fancy. You don't know what it is. Yeah,
I don't know what it is. You're the new call
around this part. I am the new car. Well, aren't
you adorable? How old are you? You're very kicks. How
(20:29):
are you doing? I gotta jumping frog in my pocket?
You gotta jumping frog in your creek? He always says,
it's a jumping frog in his pocket. He look, wait
a minute, you shouldn't look at that frog dog. It's
just batis. We warned you, Carl Weathers. Let's see this
jumping frog warned you there is. You look foolish. All right,
(20:56):
get yourself a middle nine, Carl. All right, I'm gonna
shut this door and roll up all the windows and
that was the last we solve. Lovely, it all got
so tied together. Our second scene comes to us from
(21:20):
Ko spelled like the awful salad. Who it is delicious?
We're mixed with something with flavor. Hello Alchemist, Thank you
for the sweet, sweet audio potions you dish out every week.
Listening to the podcast is always a highlight of my day.
I work as a board game designer, and creativity and
(21:41):
always inspires me to do more. I recommend the show
to all my friends and family. Oh nice little bonus
with the family. Of course, I'm a bit afraid what
they'll think of me if they picked the show up
with the dog Oh you know the show Who with Fingers?
Episode not the tough one to start on, yea. My
(22:08):
recommendation is as follows. A group of friends have all
gathered together for a game night. The host brings out
a new game that no one recognizes. M As players
begin to play, they realized things are not as the same.
Good luck, Sincerely, Kale uh Brend is your last name? Pedaluma, California. Oh,
(22:32):
I'm so excited about game night. I'm so excited about
the snacks. Yeah, well that's what I meant. Actually, it's
always the snacks. Louise. You did great on the snacks.
You were you were almost literally fishing your seven layer
bean dip. Is it's because there's eight layers the same?
(22:52):
Who does your upholstery? It is fantastic? Oh, thank you?
You know, I just I find a sample, I buy it,
and then it just had great Yeah, okay, who brought
the game? I didn't. I just focused on this next.
You know what? I brought a game? You guys. It's
it's called torqua Mata. I don't know how many people
have heard of it. Torquamata, even Taquamata like the Grand
(23:16):
Inquisitor from from the Spanish Inquisition, not like the Torcolushi.
That's what I heard at first. Oh the South African goblin? Yes,
what is it? An inquisitor? Is it like Twister? I
love Twister? Sort of. It's it's it's all about heresy.
I'm not sure how it works. I haven't opened it
up yet, but let up. This sounds exciting as hell.
(23:38):
Who wants to drink before we get a shot? Shut
lemon Cello again? Yeah, lemon Cello shot hard stuff? All right?
Let me just pour a couple of hair so Louis,
where's your husband tonight? Oh? Shut up? Okay, it's fine,
we're good, We're good. Okay, shut up, I'll take another shot.
(24:03):
You're still going, well, yeah, I got no, no, no.
I mean you know you can't get out of a marriage. Well,
that's true. Okay, problem, let's turn the focus elsewhere. Clearly.
I just I don't know. Are we sure we can't
just play you know, trivial pursuit. I I don't because
you've memorized all the cards lewis about running, about running,
(24:27):
trivial pursuit, running like running, but instead trivial pursuit. I
don't know. Well, there's a host sits in one centers
and the two groups off to the side, and they
send it a representative to the host who gives out
one answer. And I wish I knew somebody that made
board games, because I would submit that immediately, right. I know,
(24:47):
it's weird because when we gather for game night, you
always want to play board games, and there's all these
other activity down kind of games. And I don't do
Luigi board because of religion. And I feel like when
you men, well I don't believe in spirits. Well, I
don't want to contact the spirits. Pretty sure I know
who's gonna lose it this heresy. I just don't know
if I'm a comfortable with a heresy game. Well, Tim, Tom,
(25:08):
don't you go ahead to read the rules of this
new game? You got it? It looks like al right
it is. It comes in a scroll as steal. So
it says number one, roll the die, roll the die,
number one, roll the die. Uh. Then you then it
looks like whatever space you land on, you answer a question.
(25:29):
Then if you don't get it, oh, oh goodness, you
are brittally tortured by everyone else playing the game brutally.
So what it says until you come up with the
right answer? Do they give us any sort of stuff? George?
Oh god? Here dive in. There's a bunch of stuff
in the box that looks rusty. So I was thinking
(25:50):
tickled Monster. But it looks like you're going a little darker.
I mean it's not. Look, it's not a game. I
just like the story. Picked it up. Give it a shot.
I can't be any less comfortable than playing trivial Versus
with Lewis. We always have fun with you know, every question?
How does anyone know about the Iditarod. You know every
question about the because he's a freak. He's a freak,
and he memorizes things and doesn't he's a vulcan. All right,
(26:12):
we'll play this heresey game. I just there's guy this
This looks dangerous. It's the problem. It's here's hoping. It's dangerous.
And there's more lemon Cello involved. All right, I'm going
to roll the die. Anybody want to pick in the blanket?
Who're amazing? Your husband made really good ones to four?
A move forward? I moved forward? Okay, there is a
(26:35):
skull and bones on my little squares? Is that good? Death?
Correspond with the question? Who has the question cards? Oh?
Here's the box? Sorry, you gotta stay in the game.
Thank you? Two more? Will you pull a question from
the skull and bones? Uh? Card pile? Yeah? Okay? And
(26:58):
what is the questions? The first on? Alright? Question number one? Yeah? Yeah,
you do? Game show voice were so exciting? All right?
All right? Uh and remember, Pamela, if you can't get
this correctly, we begin the torture. Remember and looked at you.
You didn't have to look back the way you did.
(27:19):
This is going to get great, all right, here we go.
This northern town is the oh gosh, home of the
idea a rod, Oh, I know this one a northern town.
Shut up, it's not yours. Okay, um, look at my eyes.
Your eyes are saying Sacramento. God, oh, that's incorrect, California.
(27:43):
I told you we don't do this well together. You
do really well with her husband. You give my contact
all the time. We do finance as well, but we
don't do this stuff. Well, well, who was going to
start the torture? What was the right answer? It just
says not Sacramento on the back and you, I mean,
and no, snow there there's no possible correct answer. You
(28:03):
have to go a little more north. Yeah, I think
can start towards Russia. I think I get poison. That's
what I That's what I landed on, right, I get
poisoned poison. There, No, there's a walkman with a poison
tape in it though, all right, way worse, way worse.
It's pretty bad than actual poison. Alright, hit play, Okay,
(28:26):
you go sit in the corner with that for a second. Well,
I mean to the rules, I thought. She continued guessing
and being tortured until she gave us the correct answer. No,
we didn't get any of that from the rules. No,
do you want to go next? Yeah, okay, I want
to go. Jenny's gonna go next. Al Right, somebody else
read the cards I got. I rolled it, asshole. Three
(28:53):
pigs in the lake and two lemon cella shots and
you're rolling. Actually had seven shot. Sorry, I only witnessed too. Well. Look,
I've been scratching my leg so much it bleeds for
every shot I took him of that seven scratch mark.
I don't like self torture counts. Okay, I rolled, I
got a order. Okay, great, let me get the third.
(29:15):
All right, great? Um, Barkley and Fred are three of
the seven champions who have won the Iditarod in the
last five years. The four question, I shut up, it's
not yours, Louis. Tell me with your eyeballs. I don't
(29:38):
know you're not Louis. Why are you making eye contact
with Louise? Oh you don't like it either, bitch? Whoa.
Maybe we should just not lemon jello, not lemon jello shots,
but regular jello, regular cello. Let me see if there's
some jello in the refrigerator. I don't want jello and
(29:59):
there's no jell the refrigerator. Answer is there's no jello.
I feel like you're stalling. I need four dogs. What
what was the question again? The name before dogs repeated exactly.
The first one's Barkley and Fred were three of the
seven winners of the last five. I did rods name
the other four or one of the other four? It's
(30:21):
his name all four. I'm sorry. I mean we could
I mean we could do closy snootf Holy crap, it
was crawler. You have the other three torture on there.
(30:41):
It says, uh, yeah, we gotta break her heart even
more than her husband already had. It's a little pile meat. Um.
Your pigs in a blanket were a little dry, so
I stopped following you on Instagram. You just post pictures
of upholstery because it's beautiful, and you drank too much. Okay,
(31:09):
challenge accepted. Hit me again. Your husband's actually been making
more eye contact with me. I gotta go. I got
to know. You can't opt out of the game. Does
it say he you can opt out? There? It doesn't
say anything about opting out, But I mean, if we're
playing the you know, easier rules version. Listen, this is
(31:31):
our first time playing this game. I think we do
need to go with the easier version, because so far
this is the most intense game I've ever heard of. Well,
why don't you read the next card? Right? Okay, alright, six,
al right, okay. This is a weird space to land on.
It's a picture of my imaginary friend when I was
(31:53):
a child. It's like it's exact, It's exact. This is weird,
This is weird. I brought Craney him. Could we play cranium?
You always win cranium too. Yeah, no, we're not going
to play. How does it have a picture of his
imaginary Wait a second, we need to take just a
moment and answer that question. How does this game have
a picture of Jimmy's childhood imaginary friend? Who? You do
(32:19):
you still speak to this imaginary I'm not plus exactly who?
How was that change a music? It could be fresh
in his mind? And then how is your poison song?
I love how she comes to ask a very great
question though, and then right back to slap again and
(32:42):
the space is blank before I landed on its pop up.
Wait a minute, hold on a second, let me put
my put my piece on that space. All right, Oh
my god, that's my childhood imaginary best friend. Now that's
what I see. Where did you get this game from?
From that store? You said the store? But what is
that's house of Games? Well no, there's a there's a
(33:03):
Wizard next to Larry's house. Okay, okay, but it was
called Wizards with a Z, so I assumed it was
just a do you have two to four friends? I
do have two to four friends. This is just a
game for you. Hey, this looks this looks great. Torque
of my that's that that that South African monster? Don't
(33:24):
talking about the Torkoloshi deck? Right? So you'll have to
play this? Then? This looks? This looks great? Is it that?
This isn't this is just a regular board? Who makes this?
A Parker Brothers Milton Bradley. Oh no, it's an independent maker.
You're you're giving me a look like you designed this game. Congratulations.
(33:46):
As master is a passible toy. Someone's going to buy
your game, fan, it looks like it. I'm so excited.
I'll get the shampooe Oh that's my assistant, Peter Laurie.
Would you like to would you like to buy it? Yeah?
(34:07):
All right, hold on a second. Great, thank you. So
here's the mustache. But what kind of material is this?
It feels like leather, it's like soft. It's not a board?
Is it this creepy? It does smell strange, this whole
every space on the board. It looks like it's tattooed
onto this thing. Why don't have any clue how we
(34:30):
win this? But I feel like I'm out of question. Okay,
oh yes, yes, often imaginary friend. But when you landed
on your very own imaginary friend, okay, would you like
me to pull the car? Yeah? No, I've got it here. Okay.
I just it's a four player game. You like to participate,
is what I'm saying. What did you roll the gye? Next? Okay? Finish?
(34:51):
So the imaginary friend asks you, where have you been lately?
That's so sweet? But is there an answer? H and
you said twenty years? Over twenty years? Yeah lately? I
mean last week I was when he's just been in
contact with this guy? Why does that matter? I don't
know she's she's out. I mean I just got back
(35:18):
from the two thousand eighteen. I did a rod in juno.
That's what, oh juno, jot it the sexy town in Alaska.
Juno Northern got it. But is that what he means
by lately? I mean I feel like that should be
my answer, but I don't want to get it wrong.
But I would use that as an answer. Everything else
is related to the I did a rod so it's pattern.
(35:41):
Oh but you know what, Right after that, I stopped
by Carl Junior. I'm gonna go with Carl's Jr. On
the back of the card, it says Juno, God, I
had it. I had alright, so close, all right, you're
up definitely in the corner. It's he's materializing. Colonel Adventure,
(36:06):
my imaginary friend. Oh, my good frad Colonel, it's spent years. Yes,
climb aboard my steampunk motorcycle. We shall take adventures. It's
a man with dog ears. Oh, who's the drunk? Lady's out.
(36:28):
You don't want any part of that, Colonel Adventure. I'm
ready to go. Do it is Hop on the back, here,
hop on the back. We're off for adventures and Torcher
never to be seen again. Our last scene tonight comes
to us from Martin, who wrote, Hello Alcholmist, my name
(36:49):
is Martin and I am your listener From Argentina. I
love how Martin knows we've got just the one Argentina
that we sure it's not Martine or it is Martine.
It's absolutely Martine. There is a what do you call
that over the eye? There it is. I've been listening
from the first episode, and I was happy as hell
when you started releasing two episodes a week. Here's the suggestion.
(37:13):
What would happen if every dumb treatment and magical cure
that Hollywood stars endorsed suddenly started to actually work? Ridiculous diet,
magnetic jewelry, crazy habits, another quantum bullshit. Love the show, Martin. Mama,
you're gonna rub de magic show bitch cream on my
(37:35):
face again? Oh you got so many bumps and you're
so ugly. Let's put the cream off, mom, Thank you
so much. These days it's gonna work, right. That's a
nash Layer let ship for thirty more ships. I'm so excited.
(37:57):
If it's today, gonna be the day. I hope it
is on. I love for things to change. For your face.
Who am I gonna look like if it changes? Kennedy?
I don't think so. I think that husband of the
Kardashian that's estranged. Oh yeah, that's who was hold he is.
He's handsome too, honey, Okay, mom, wiping off. I just
(38:20):
didn't dig with what happened. Look at you? What happened?
What if you're not the spinning image of Scott Dessick.
I don't know what? Is it true? Get me some
sort of reflecting. Here's a pansy the mirror. Honey, honey, honey,
look at this. I can't believe this worked. I just
(38:41):
had one morning of it. It's lemon juice and cayenne
pepper and maple syrup. I took one sip. Look at
these abs. Oh my god. Absolutely, you are the man
I always wanted to marry. What I mean? Look you
look great? Are you? Wow? Who was the man you
(39:01):
always wanted to Just got so excited. I just you know,
Bruce Willis, Oh ya like celebrity man? Sure? Damn check
it out? Check it out. I just rubbed on Owen
Wilson's nose correction cream. It's perfect. I don't know. It
looks like Owen Wilson's nose. Oh it's going that way.
Oh no, I should have read it differently. Stephen looks
(39:23):
talk a penis. It's Okay, it looks good. It looks good, Carl, Jane.
I'm going to rub this on you and you're gonna
get read of one. Okay, is a magic cucumber. Jennifer
Aniston spires by, Oh my gosh, you have one head again.
(39:49):
I don't have anybody to talk to it anymore. Oh
you got me to talk to you? What are you
talking about? Nobody knows me, like mother head did? Can
you rub it? Oh? My frog? Oh not but your
sister Gane? No, Mom, I don't want to do that. That'scribe. Hey,
(40:09):
why don't you just do it yourself? All right? You
have time to say it. We don't have to say it.
I'm gonna do it, does mom? Okay, close your eyes. Everyone,
he's jumping frog lobster ty it too? Ah shoot now no,
I'm not gonna pete al right. So you're saying that
you've been affected in a bad way from what is
(40:34):
this cream? Owen Wilson's nose correction cream. I'm pretty sure
that you don't have a case here, sir. I only
take cases that I plan on winning, and it clearly
is an Owen Wilson cream. So I don't know what
you expected. To have happened to your this correction. I
thought I would fix my slightly broken nose, and it
made it worse. Plus now my hair is getting long,
(40:56):
blond and shaggy. It's I mean, there's ten o'lock almost
whoa what have we here? He was using the Owen
Wilson correction cream. Oh nas, I mean I hate to
see the before. Yikes. Actually, do you have a before
because that might be helpful. I did go to the
Sears portrait studio right before. I had, like, I've got
(41:18):
several wallets, so yeah, I mean, this is exactly I
don't want to talk about that. He doesn't have a
picture on his phone, that he has a wallet, photos, photos,
and this is it ironic. I'm just I'm one of
those analog guys, you know. But you bought this cream
must have been an instagram at I'm just so relieved
(41:38):
to have a customer. This is such an honor. I've
been sitting here by myself for weeks, months, years, and
so smile. Okay, great, do we get some more backdrops? Oh? Sure? Yeah?
What do you think of rainbows? Oh? I love rainbows?
Oh there you go? Okay, ready smile good good, Oh
that's really good. Gosh, it's been so long. I feel
(41:58):
really nervous. How am I doing? You're doing great? Hey,
I gotta ask you. Do you have the technology in
the studio here to do a floating version of my
own head in the corner of the photo? Actually? I do.
That's fantastic. I always wanted to get those. You have
a woodsy backdrop to look. I have it all. I
have everything. Why did anybody ever go digital? I don't
understand either. Are these cats sweaters complimentary to wear during
(42:22):
the shoot? You know what? I like you so much?
Take it home? Really, thank you? So I think maybe
just going to the tennant um meeting this person, just
see him out, I think so you and your cat
sweater can go, sir. Give me a big, big, big,
big big nose, all right. I just I'm a little
upset by all this. But you know, hopefully no other
(42:42):
changes will happen. Man, Oh god wait, wait, always sounded
like that. No. I don't think you're changing. Man. I
thought this would be awesome, but there's nah. Let's just
read the bottle really quick. I don't think it says
anything about vocal core changing. You might have something here, sir,
it's get lititis. Man, that'll be a you're so laid back. Yeah,
(43:03):
it wasn't before I was angry, but now everything just
seems like I don't know mint Julip in the forest. Man,
you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I don't. But I
think we've got a case. I think we might take
this all the way at the top. All right, we're
gonna get a folder started on you. Okay, terrific, I'll
get the folder. Okay, good, good, Yeah, what were you
gonna say? No, I'm just I'm down for this plan. Man,
(43:24):
it's awesome. Okay, got it, got it. That's a great start.
Thank you. It's ten o. It's ten o seven. Oh shit,
we're gonna we're gonna get back to you. I gotta
take my next case. Okay, Oh it's fine. I'll just
be in Austin. You can find here. Man. Did you
have to relocate after this? Something tells me to go
there now. I feel the need. We'll get a hold
of you. You want to send my TENO seven in
(43:47):
ten ship. You're very late. It's fine. What a funky morning.
Let me get a funky morning. Um, I may I
have your autograph? I'm not think I am. I think
you might be. It's okay. I'm not gonna tell him.
I'm not gonna like scream or anything. I just when
you're autograph all right? Here you go? Who should I
(44:08):
make it out to make it out to me? To me?
Love Kyle Hendrix. Okay, okay, but really I know who
you are, so like, I promise I won't scream or anything.
I'm not gonna, you know, drag attention to you or whatever.
But if you could just like sign your name and like,
I'm a huge fan. It's a it's a quandary for
(44:30):
new me. Now, you know, I'm not sure if I
should all right to me, love Owen Wilson. Everyone, excuse me,
excuse me? Could I get please, please get an autograph
about this? This is autograph? My shoe are all right?
Who should I make it out? Make it up to Peggy? Hey,
(44:51):
excuse me. I'm a police officer, so I think I
can do what I want to here. So you say
you're Owen Wilson. Ah, they said, Iowa. Well this is
interesting because I happen to know as a big will
head myself. O. Win's on set right now. Owen's on
set right now, so who the fuck are you? Who
are you? Who the fuck are you? Luke? Hey, doctor,
(45:15):
I got an equation for having taken this nicko human
growth hormone for sixteen weeks and today was the day, apparently,
because I'm blowing up like a poisoned dog. Yeah. Yeah,
you look, you know what? You know what? Then then
it's working. You look great. Your hair is all over
the place, it's coming out of places I never even
knew hair existed. Yeah, but you know what, Nick Nolty is,
(45:36):
A is a national treasure. And now so are you?
What would you do be a favorite? Yeah? Named four
of your favorite Nicknoty film? Oh gosh, uh, well there's
the Beverly Hills one, right, yeah, the Beverly Hills one. Yeah,
down and down and out in Beverly Hills. You got close.
(45:56):
There's that. There's that mug shot from when he got
his d y. That's certainly that's one of his alright,
um yeah, and uh and he was he was great
in the Prince of Tides. Thanks tiny movie Whisperer Ghost
on my Shoulder. Al right, Well that's pretty that's good
about yeah. Alright, So what am I do? Now? What
(46:19):
do I do? Because I feel like I could take
on the war. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, take
on the world. Declare war on everyone. All right, I'm
gonna start hearing you're off. Oh gosh, I'm not me though,
I'm I'm an ally of yours. This ghost on my shoulder.
How many partners you got here? How many partners? It
is just me and my ghost on one partner? How
do I get Well, I'll write you a prescription. All right. Sure,
(46:42):
it's the newest Hollywood craze. I'm going to join your
army of and taking the hormone as well. He's the
greatest juice, right, really great? And not tell me before
you the juice kicked in? Yeah? What did you look like?
What were the differences? Oh? I was four footing your
sick four now? Yeah, and a very high voice for
(47:03):
one more, a lady. Finally, I haven't taken the hormone, right,
I'm interested copy that. Well, here, let's start to john
some juice rights, rights the same. What are you hoping
to accomplish? No, I guess I just want to be
like y'all. Feel powerful. I have a sense of purpose.
(47:23):
Let's get more hair. Yeah, well, that's the thing for me.
That brought me to the trough worth the idea of
more hair. I wish it was a real trough I've
always wanted to drunk. I love real troll Well, let's
go to one now. O. Alright, lemonade, lemonade. You just
took my lemonade right out of my hand. You didn't
even pay for it. Yeah, I guess it's sormone. Honey
(47:47):
makes us real thirsty. Like sit it again. Still we've
been taken, makes us real thirsty. Okay, Well, I got
lots of lemonade and wants to know how much. Here's
the thing I've been reel into hair lately. So can
you give me some of your hair? Oh my god,
(48:14):
I've never seen anything like that in their life. Take
all the lenity, take all of it. That's amazing. And
you'd like to try to deposit all this hair? Yes,
it was very hard to get this hair. I think
it is worth more than money. Well, we disagree here
at think of America. I don't know why you brought
(48:35):
your manager over for this. This is an easy one
for you to Okay, gentlemen, I know that you say
you disagree, but wouldn't it be easier to just agree.
Oh that's a strong argument. Did I hear correctly? You
have some valuable hair. It is very bay. Let's take
this away from the bank, little lady. I'd like to
(48:57):
write you a personal chase. Oh really, I'm thinking forty
seven thousand dollars from my hairs. That's the finest looking
hair I've ever seen. Okay, well, this one was given
to me by a woman who tweaked her on booby
and then it popped out. Oh I have We could
take the check that you're going to give to her
(49:18):
and put it in account for you. Wait, and everybody's happy.
Huh Yeah, this seems like a very symbiotic. It's relious symbiotic.
You give her the check for this pile of hair.
We'll take that check and put it in the bag. Well,
I'm not so certain a pile of hair is fair
in terms of descriptions, right, Well, tell it more of
(49:40):
a wad. Sorry, I just came to say how this
whole thing took out? Are you the one who produced
some of the Oh you said, titty, that's right right,
And some of the hair came Molly. It's kind of
(50:00):
prickly like now. Customers are very important to us, but
if you want to step away from the window, will
you negotiate this will take the check when you're done.
Some of those teddy popping too much for your other customers.
You know, it's like a Toddy's vulgar friends and nipple.
(50:21):
You got a piece on your t shirt. Well it's uh.
The peace sign is just to kind of, you know,
celebrate Friday. So you can tell why I called the
manager over right, I think it's pretty obvious where this
is going to go. Hey, I really I've really enjoyed
our time together. Oh you know what, this has been
really really wonderful. I I appreciate you telling me all
(50:44):
those Nick Nolty movies. It's been really great. But I've
been called by a what there's a game happening and
and they've called me to come over and present myself
in this. Did you get summoned in the game because
someone kind a question about the guy did wrong? Yes,
summon Yeah. But I'm just gonna I'm gonna miss you
so much. I'm going to miss you too. You have
(51:04):
a great shoulder, thanks you have great feet, thank you.
I'm just I'm just worried that I'm not going to
remember what movies Nicknolty was in anymore. I have a
feeling that will never come up ever again. That's a
very good point. Dr Why are you talking to yourself?
I just wanted to get my results from the test,
and you're talking to yourself. Oh uh sorry, Yeah, it
(51:29):
turns out you have another forty eight hours to live.
A right, Louis, your imaginary friends showed up in the
corner there. I guess you get a question now. That's
very strange. It's embarrassing that my imaginary friend. Uh, I
was very young when I am unicorn. I was really
(51:53):
young when I imagined her. It was so weird that
she wasn't helpful at all that time. She won't usually
just a great little exposition moment and then right back
to sleep. That time was just pure beautiful LSD imagination.
I'm gonna want to get this right, okay, Because Captain
adventured tortured the f out of me. Man, he seems
(52:14):
like a nice guy. She seems very nice. I know
the colonel is not amazing. He makes me call him
captain now, which is like, I don't know why I
demoted himself. Anyways, you want your question? Yeah, all right,
yea name six of the regular cast of Charles Schultz's Peanuts.
(52:35):
I'm sorry, it's so weird. This has nothing to do
with it. Okay, I can do this. The original six. Charlie,
Charlie Brown, Chas Brown, you know him, well, it's Jazz Brown,
Chuck Nickolet. Oh no, sorry, that's all the information I have. Wait,
(53:00):
but you're my mentionary friend. Are you talking to Hu
the unicorn with fifteen boots? Sorry? Sorry, set, somehow I
missed the fifteen boob unicorn in the room. There's everyone
seem unicorn. Yeah, I see it. Free the nipples. So
(53:21):
it's not Nick Nolt. No, it's not. Literally, that's what
two for number two? Who's going to say peppermin Patty?
But you should have said that, but you didn't. After
pat who are you going to say? I was gonna say,
probably Nick, I was probably screwing your way. So I'm
sure my torture can't be that bad. What is it?
You have to watch every episode of Peanuts, every every
(53:43):
movie they ever did, all the great Charles Schults work
until you understand who these cast members are and why
they're so important to the rest of us. I was
totally wrong about herresy. This is a much better game
than torture. Clearly hate sitting. I'm a huge Nulty fan, right, yeah, exactly,
(54:03):
All right, let's go. There's a lot more that you're
not aware of. There's the Great Pumpkin and things like that,
but there's also it's a root canal, Charlie Brown, there's
so many others. Let's go to that one. Now, Okay, Snoopy,
if you could just sit in the chair right here, well,
never mind what's going on in the other room. You're
gonna be fine. Just have a little seat there. We're
gonna put I put you under and then have a
(54:27):
little look. See you know what, let's take a look.
See first, open up wide for me, if you would please.
Oh yeah, look at there. There's the problem right there.
We need to extract that tooth all the way down,
including the root. Yeah, would you like uh some what
is it called a knoxa song side Knox and you
(54:47):
know the ship that's the stuff what she said, Yeah,
I'm gonna take that as a yes. All right, nurse
would you mind? Uh yeah, I'll go take care of
right now. Sorry, that's nurse Ratchet. Uh he's new here. Um, well,
(55:08):
can I just say, first of all, before you go under. Uh.
And I'm sure you get this every hour, every day. Uh.
Just such a huge, huge fan. Uh. I think if
I may you, Uh, fighting the red Baron is just
one of the absolute joy moments for me. Yeah yeah, Um,
but I'm a little concerned about Woodstock. Uh. You guys
(55:29):
seem like great pals, right, I love Woodstock. I would whoa,
what just happened? That was fantastic, Snoopy. I just didn't
want to sit here silent anymore. Whoa. Hey, here's another
question for you. You have this deadbeat brother who lives
in Arizona. I think how's he doing? Um? Hey, I'm sorry,
(55:56):
it's me, Franklin. I've been in the waiting room for
over an hour. Everybody seems to have gotten about me.
Oh yeah, Franklin, nothing personal. Um, we'll just have to
figure out the snoopy root canal issue. And as soon
as we're done, I promise your next It's okay. It
used to be marginalized. But yeah, here's here's a challenge
(56:17):
for you, Franklin, if you'd like join us in this
room and assist me the dentist, with removing Snoopy's Uh
to Okay, we'd like to do that. I'd love to
do that, but I don't know my job. Well, nurs ratchet,
I think we need to get that bullfrog out of
your throat first so that we can hold give us
(56:40):
a big sneeze. Wow, that's a real that's a bull frog.
It's technically a jumping frog. Where there it is? I
was looking out for a while, A cool fun Oh
here you go, kid, Thank you. Back to the call
(57:02):
with my they having team brought on it. Then all
right Snoopy? Um again just a huge fan. And uh,
do you want an autograph? I do. I'm gonna put
this pen in between your the toes of your paw
is that what they're called? The toes on? What they're called.
(57:23):
I want to put this pen in there. And here's
a photo of you trying to shoot down the red
baron and this waiting that looks like Owen Wilson to me, Oh, well,
I got this from the poster of the animated movie
about Snoopy that Owen Wilson stars. Is okay? That tracks? Okay?
(57:43):
Sign it? Yeah? Uh? Just you could just signed it
below the own Wilson signature. Got it would be great. No,
one ever wants Franklin's signature. Good. I can't even say that.
That's not even my line. Franklin, You've really been pissing
me off for a long time, and I'm glad I
finally have the opportunity to tell you you have a
lot to be grateful for. Man, name the first four
(58:04):
things he should be grateful for, alright, listing Number one
your health. Number two your abs. Look at your abs, man,
I'm ripped and no one knows it. Number three, you
have a healthy appetite. That's true, I can put it down.
And number four, Uh, what a dancer? Yeah, I have
(58:24):
three moves, unlike everybody else's two. He's cut you there. Yeah, no,
we agree now right, you know what, I feel a
lot better about everything. High five. Man. Well, I've had
enough time, way more than I'm used to getting, so
I'll go back after all right. Uh, you're the next
one to come in and read for Franklin today for us. Okay,
(58:47):
I'll give it a shot, all right, give it a
shot to show you know. Uh, we're looking to lift
it off the page today. Very little written for Franklin,
So please bring something new and fresh, all right, when
you're ready to take your own cue. My name is
Franklin and I'm doing it in a new fresh way.
(59:10):
And that's our show for today. Thank you very episode
of Alchemy. Let's get around and thank our alchemism, no
particular orders. Carla Kakowski, Thank you, Thank you. Where should
you folks look to find you performing or or social media?
Westside Comedy Theater, Orange Tuxedo once a month, first Wednesday
(59:31):
of every month at Carla Kakowski al right on James
Heeny please check out the real James Heney dot com.
And on the second fourth Wednesdays at nine pm at
the west Side Comedy Theater, It's bar Supply. If you're
in the Los angele and area on the second and
fourth Wednesday sure of every month, please go to uh
Westside Comedy dot com and check out their CALENDARU Marcus,
(59:55):
I'm Mark Gags on Twitter and UH and come see
me if you're in Los Angeles. It in shows. If
you're not, watch Blood and Treasure Tuesday's a tenantcy Yes,
second season. Yeah, we just got a second season. Yeah,
thanks so damn exciting. Yeah. And uh work Juice, Yeah,
it worked Uice in provo. Last ones day of the
month at Dynasty Typewriter Poform. Oh your mustaches gone, had
(01:00:21):
a great segue to Vanessa. My goodness, gracious, it seems
like you missed one show. How did you do that?
I was so sad to miss it, but glad to
be back and check out Dynasty Typewriter. Exciting summer at
the time of Yeah, we've got some really great things
coming up. Of course I can't think of any right now. Well,
that's why you go to Dynasty the website, Nas Typewriter
(01:00:44):
call yeah, please and call Stratton Universe collide and it
all worked out right. Yeah, it is first time coll
and I are in the same mom. We kind of
want to thank you for coming in and guest hosting
for me. So I love doing it. Yeah, we did this, Okay,
there's no split in the timeline happened. Yeah, that's all
good and working folks find you pretty, pretty pony. It's
the first Thursday of every month of tmp M at
(01:01:06):
the West Side Comedy Theater. Features a lot of people
that are regulars on this show. It's always fun with
the special guest monologist, which you've done a basketball yeah
and Stratton Cole and Cole Stratton on various social media
things super fantastic. All right, let's thank our engineer to
the stars, Mr Doug bam Man, our sound design expert
Raphael Brito, our producer Sophie Lickerman, and I Art Media.
(01:01:32):
Thank you so very very much. I'm Kevin Pollock, your host.
Until next time, a football for Pepper.
Welcome back to Alchemy this. I'm your host, Kevin Polo.
Guess that Kevin Pollo. First off, let's watch the tone. Yeah,
and b I can't wait until you're just paying a
monthly fee of eleven dollars to twelve different streaming services
because that'll be the only way to watch TV. But
(00:22):
I digress. Let's meet Sometimes I go dark. Always gonna
start with a stroke. Yeah, no particular orders. Say a
lot of Mark Gagliardi, Oh gags. Yes, when you're gonna
settle down and give your papa and me some babies
(00:44):
when you guys get off and asked about it, I'm
trying to build a career. Yeah, yeah sure. Coffee Alert
The town focus Carlikowski, car La La Land? Who does
who does small town? Oh? I left other word? He
which is the shortest word. Who is a small town? Fella?
(01:05):
Have to flate to get a break in this damn
ton This Lacroix is delicious correct Continue small Jews for
four hundred. Who says you can't cross the streams? Welcome
Call Stratton to his first non guest hosting. Everybody. It's
(01:30):
a real guys. Finally were in the same room together.
That's right, Cold Dancer by Night. What's your favorite thing
about Joey Greer? Oh right, yeah, I was favorite probably
the way he just dusts the green room with his
farts before he goes every time, and then he goes
and sick. Keep in mind, folks, again, that's the favorite
(01:56):
thing about Imagine the least it get and somehow miraculously
welcome to the micular veniche. I have nothing in here
for you. Welcome back. And what the hell do you are?
You look exactly as you did when last I saw you.
(02:17):
I don't know how that's possible. That means you were blowing.
You were glowing then and you're still blowing. Thank you? Yeah,
so extraordinary? Yeah right, maybe everything's good as as well
as these things can go. Yeah, truly, right truly. And
how many miracles have to take place before you come
(02:37):
out the other end of that? So many, so many,
you know, vulgar things. And did you did you do
us all a solid by having a videographer for the
whole thing? Oh yeah, I'm gonna have a really great
video of my placenta. Yes, I do have it, and
I'd love to share it please. Nature's growth screening at
my house time of sweeps, you got three weeks to
(03:02):
edit it. Kid and last, but fill your pie hole
with mother mccake. If you think of Leae, it's James
Heeney everyone j j Heeneyville. Care to share your experience
of our live show episode from the West Side Comedy
Theater from a couple of nights ago. Well, my personal experience,
it was a lot of fun I had. I didn't.
(03:22):
I made sure that I used the restroom before we
went out on stage, before we were even asked to
go out on stage, so I didn't get to have
that epic entrance. Yeah, it was my first time at
one of these in person, and you were explaining to
me this restroom issue before going on stage exactly. That
was my question. So here's the issue. I don't remember
(03:43):
the din taper. I was the last person to come
out in the stage, right, But it was not because
I wasn't prepared. There was a queue of people using
the restroom in the green room. So when I finally
got in, it was just that because there was three
people ahead of me in line, and I was like, oh,
I can't really quick do this, which at least who
could who could have been ahead of you in other
(04:05):
people then I think it was Craig. But the last
person was was Vanessa and you were able to use
or you might have been somewhere in the queue. I
know for a fact I was like, I can wait
until I'll just be last. It's gonna be fine. But
then then I knew people were out there, and I
did have a moment of debating, like how fast do
I wash my hands? And you need a solid uh
sixty seconds under a stream of water with your hands
(04:27):
sudding up. Oh my goodness. Okay, so here's my first suggestions.
First of many, uh, don't adhere to such strict rules
when you're being called. And then I have to air
dry them because my hands are sensitive. So I had
to another two minutes shaking my hands in the air.
How sensitive are they? Wait? I don't care. All right,
(04:47):
All of today's seeing suggestions were gathered from our listeners,
and my hands are sensitive. I'm kidding. Welcome to the Navy.
All today's Seeing suggestions were gathered from our listeners. Email.
If you'd like to submit yours, please write the podcast
of your name here at alchemy this dot com. What's that? Yeah,
I'll repeat it. It's your name here at alchemy this
dot com. Our first scene comes from Reston, who wrote,
(05:11):
Dear Alchemists, how do you from Texas? I just want
to say I love every one of y'all's podcast I
recently was I recently was discovered podcast now that can't
be right? And you guys were the first. I mean
I literally cut and copied and pasted, so good on
you Texas. Uh, and you guys were the first podcast
(05:32):
I ever heard. After the first episode, I binged the
entire playlist. Thank you. It never fails to make me
laugh outline. Also absolutely love y'all's accent, our accent, and
characters such as Marvin McK in Room fourteen two. Uh.
But I as I could talk about you guys all
day and how amazing y'all are. I feel like you
(05:54):
guys know how awesome. So I just love the constant
use of y'all just slipping in there. At least we
forget where this is from. My different scene as a
group of fritch Southern aristocrats going snipe hunting, trying to
take one another out because they want each other's fortunes.
You guys add whatever you feel necessary, Sincerely, Yours, Resting
Sales ps. Yes, I know it looks weird, but it's
(06:16):
pronounced resting like you're resting on the couch. Just for
charity and clarity. Oh nice, Uh, Betty Bob, you're gonna
load that gun? Are You're gonna stare at it for
a week? And I'm just not sure if there's a
good reason to be loading the gun. I was trained
that you only need to load it when you plan
(06:36):
on using it. I see, so you brought a musket.
Is that a problem? I don't think it will be
kind hunter right? And how many kills you got so
far this season? Not this this season? This season season.
I haven't gotten any kills yet. But but I haven't
taken any shots. Oh, it takes a long time to
(06:58):
load my musket. So you're still bad in a thousand.
I'm still batting a thousand. Oh God bless you and
your family, which I see you've brought seventeen up. Well,
they're in the car. They're not all going to be
able to come out here. But I'm planning on teaching
one lucky kid like hunting today. Well, you no idea?
Which one? I haven't decided yet. I thought maybe you
could take a pick. I'm gonna go Carl Jane, Carl Jene.
(07:20):
But Carl Jean's got some problems. He's emotionally unhinged, which
is why I think it's down to put a damn
gun in. Al Right, can you run down the window
on the car. Okay, I'm coming back to right now. Okay, okay, alright.
Oh they're seventeen of us in here. What's she trying
to do? Okay, We're gonna roll all the windows down,
(07:42):
and Carl Junior. Is it Carl Junior? Right, Carl, Carl,
it's Carl June. I'm so sorry. I don't know. No,
we're looking for Carl Jene, not Carl Jr. Sorry, false,
Oh mant Car j Carl Jenny juniord back at home? Well,
(08:03):
we don't want Carl Jandy's here. Arby's is here as well,
but Carl Jr. Back at home? All right? Here he
got the meats. Oh man, I am pretty close to
roll in these windows back up and shutting the door.
Where is Carl Jene in the trunk? We put him
in the trunk because he's mostly on he alright, alright,
I'm gonna pop that trunk alright, windows down, far enough,
(08:26):
free guess yeah, Pap, this is fine. You're in charge. Okay,
and come on, Carl Jene good, Lauren, Okay, made a mistake.
We're not taking car Okay. He grew an extra head
(08:46):
while he was in the trunk. I'm not sure we're
not going to be able to take Carl Jene. How
about this? Uh? I told you, Daddy, we warned you.
You did actually, in all fairness, I warned Fred. He said,
you know what, I'm gonna take Carl Jane my scar.
(09:07):
All right, Andrew, I just think if we form an alliance,
then maybe we can really take out everybody and split
the riches altogether. Now that does sound like a good
playing they are, Charlene. Let's spread out right quick, and
we'll let each other know when somebody will be a
shooting that off. So I'll make this noise and that
means I just shot someone. Okay, that sound good, And
(09:28):
I'm like, I like this noise, but check check checking out.
Oh that's a really good noise, got it. I hear
someone talking about alliances Mint Julia, I would love him
in Julip, thank you when I brought him in a
picnic basket right beside my handgun. Now what's this I
(09:48):
head about alliances? Well, Andrew and I are going to
form an alliance and then we'll just split the riches
because that works out so well. You know, Andrew was
aligned to his former wife before she disappeared, but now
we all know that she just went away on a
homemaking trip. That's what I heard. She still has an
(10:10):
Insta account and she's constantly posting pictures. She's never in
the pictures, but she posts them. I follow that account too.
It seems to just be upholstery. Lots of upholstery shots.
Very suspicious if you ask me, but it's true. Andrew,
can you can you tell us why your wife is
so obsessed with upholstery or she just loves upholstery so
much that she uses Alemi stock photos for every wonderful
(10:32):
Instagram posts. Interesting thought that women were best served by
each other. So if you change your mind on who
do align with, we could shoot him in the head
right now. Okay, well maybe this could be a three
per three way, A three way, Yeah, maybe all three
of us could align. You are you fellas the Carls?
(10:55):
Ya think I got what you're looking for, but it's
going to cost you well well, money ain't an issue.
What are you gonna call? Well, everybody knows about your
your new feud, the Carls versus the Alliance. Something. I
have something that the Carls might find interest and keep
talking right here in the trunk of this here him
(11:16):
engined dodge Durango. I thought that was an impeller. But okay, well,
I do not know how you can confuse a Durango
and an impeller. Perhaps the animals themselves, but not the vegle.
This book getting beside the point. I've been hurting too long,
you've been hunt If you got a rabbit two headed
kid in that trunk, then trust me. I don't need
(11:38):
another ruin of them. Oh really, trust me? What would
you say if I told you I had a disappeared
wife with an Instagram account? Keep talking, keep talking, that's right.
You really want to stick it to the Alliance, Yes, sir,
this is y'all. Hold y'all, hold this this little lady
for ransom. Here you take a thing that the Alliance
(12:01):
got to offer, and old jed on't ask one thing
in return. I want a carl name. You want to
be in the Carls. I want I want my own
carl name Jed. I got a couple of questions. I'm
gonna start with the third one. All right, who's the
lady in the trunk? It's the wife of one of
(12:22):
the two that formed the alliance. Originally you can instagram.
Oh my god, you're following too. Yeah, I mean it's
mostly a poster. Does that mean you've been taking these pictures?
Because this is a great account. Don't you know about
this woman's account? She takes all the pictures. She ain't
in on none of them. I thought she was dead. Honestly,
I thought she was dead. A lot of people think
(12:44):
she dead. Carl, Carl, would you mind if I get
back to my list of questions? Oh that's right, we
only had number three. We started with three. Jump to
seven listening. Yeah, so you're playing it for us to
become kidnappers? What am I play? It is for you
to defeat the Alliance? Right, however that happens, I don't know.
(13:04):
I'm passing any questions as long as I give my
carl name. Right. But your presentation, your gift, as it were,
to us on this day, is to hand us over
the kidnapping. As I said that, which is a think
about it. Fred Ruther Fruit's been saying that his wife's
been on a long trip and says he's in contact
(13:25):
with her. This is proof that he don't know where
his wife was at. Well, I like what you're saying there, Carl, Carl,
Maybe we should let her majesty say thumb. All right,
let me get the lock and the padlock and the
chain and this electromagnet's that's strong and she's able to
get out of all that. You have no idea there
(13:47):
you go? Well, hello, there, a little lady. Can we
get you anything? Sorry for your discomfort? Rights you get
you up some lemonade, perhaps an arm palmer? All right,
all call you want to get the normal pomer for
the lady. You have to deal with my carload of kids.
But if you really want me to go, I will
well shifty paces that way, mde being bound and taked
(14:12):
and magnetide should us take a toll on a homemaker?
How long were you in there for? I don't know
how long? Would you say, chess? Yeah, it was about
forty five minute drive from where you were. Yeah, probably, yeah,
taped up the whole time. Yeah, time feels longer when
you take congrats on that Instagram account hundred forty one followers.
(14:36):
I mean, that's something else, shouldn't It mostly started footage
because I seemed like a good hole trapping in the
cave system. And I'm still passionate. You see, I just
had to get away from my husband, keep talking. We're
not big van to Ruthie's ava. He wanted to take
my money, your money. We were married, though he didn't
start a pring up, and usually that's in favor of
(14:58):
the wife. But seeing as I did some unconscionable things
to you would end it up with everything. She'd be
taken into the legal system, right, right, And where do
you value that? The fortune of yours at presently monetarily speaking,
forty four billion dollars. That's a bee on there, right,
(15:19):
that's right, that's what I think. I haven't seen the
suns for myself, but that's what I figured, right. Oh, yes,
Texas money wise, I don't know American currency at large,
oil is probably four building. So you're unaware at this
point of your overseas holding, correct, and what might be
(15:41):
saying a secret account exactly? Well, I'm starting to think
we help you out a little bit and perhaps you
can shine the shoe on the other side. Could you
go get another lemonade? This it's an expensive stand over
(16:04):
there that little girl, and okay, I'll be back. Yeah, yeah,
thank you. Well then welcome back. We have to kill. Okay,
so you want another lemonade? Yeah? Maybe less ice cubes
in at this time. So it's not well, I just
gave you a lemonade. You gave is pretty rough. I'm
paid for it. You said you paid for it in
a week. Well, okay, I mean, but it's do you
(16:27):
not have that? I don't have credit here? Okay, this
is just a stand I'm eleven years old. What are
you talking about? All right? All right? How about what
if I gave you my shoes in good faith? Eleven
year old girl? What do I need a fifty two
year old man shoes for? All right? Will you name
what you want because I'm good for the money. You
are fifty two, I was just guessing. Well, thank you.
(16:49):
I'm actually a little bit older, but I don't want
to disclose my age. I'll take your mustache that's attached
to I know I want it. Okay, Alfe gave us
some more lemons. You know what to do? Oh? How
how you suppose I take this mustache off. Excuse me, first,
(17:10):
I have to squeeze these lemons that life gave me.
And now you just shave it or plug it? Why
don't you plug it? Why don't you sneeze it off?
Can you sneeze it off? They'll try. If you can
sneeze your mustache off, I'll give you four lemonade, four
lemonades or four lemonades for a sneezing. Couldn't he prover
here sneeze hard enough to knock a mustache a knock.
(17:33):
He's hard enough to knock him much stash off. I
gotta see this. I'm an addlectional lemonade has something about
to sneeze off a mustache that everybody better chrome down.
I'm not tile is sure I'm gonna be able to
lose this. Come come on, try who's got like some
(17:54):
pepper a feather tip of your love? Okay, you try it,
try sneak everybody calmed down. I'm gonna need silence. I
think it's looking light. Look at look at lights. Just silence.
(18:15):
You're going to get out of this group? Sorry, okay,
I was gonna take some concentration. Give the feather again
I'm gonna stare into the showy o Oh gosh, it's
all over my fingers. I've never seen so many mustache
(18:36):
hairs in my life. And downstairs hair oh my clients
popped and something of your hair on your head? Where
are your eyebrows? He's gone full out of pation. Okay,
I need to get some lemonade at the very least,
since we're to wipe these hands off. I just want
to apologize because I didn't think you'd really be able
(18:58):
to do it, and now you look crazy. Here's your lemonade, sir,
you upsetting guy. Al Right, I think well notice in
the line. Now let's pick out some places and spread
ourselves out so we get the best shot possible. Does
anyone want a grenade? Oh please? I love a grand
Right next to you, this pic nic masket as all
(19:20):
sorts of surprised ad Here you go, Here you go?
Thank you? Think lovely Julius. By the way, that's a sugar.
That's the secret. I thought, So how did you know? Okay,
so my sound is I'm honested. I'll say kill great. Okay,
I think we have a good plan here. I think
so too. Five good luck, that's right, Hey, kids, scooch over,
(19:45):
this car is not that big for all seventeen. Sorry,
that's me. I'm a Carl now, I'm your new brother.
You're so wait a minute, baby, before you go, can
you tell us please? What is it? Snap? I understand
(20:06):
that hunting snap today, and I'll just wonder what the
hand it should that be? I think a snipe is
just a made up animal. When you say that you're
gonna go snipe Hutton, when you just want to kill whatever.
So it's just fancy. You don't know what it is. Yeah,
I don't know what it is. You're the new call
around this part. I am the new car. Well, aren't
you adorable? How old are you? You're very kicks. How
(20:29):
are you doing? I gotta jumping frog in my pocket?
You gotta jumping frog in your creek? He always says,
it's a jumping frog in his pocket. He look, wait
a minute, you shouldn't look at that frog dog. It's
just batis. We warned you, Carl Weathers. Let's see this
jumping frog warned you there is. You look foolish. All right,
(20:56):
get yourself a middle nine, Carl. All right, I'm gonna
shut this door and roll up all the windows and
that was the last we solve. Lovely, it all got
so tied together. Our second scene comes to us from
(21:20):
Ko spelled like the awful salad. Who it is delicious?
We're mixed with something with flavor. Hello Alchemist, Thank you
for the sweet, sweet audio potions you dish out every week.
Listening to the podcast is always a highlight of my day.
I work as a board game designer, and creativity and
(21:41):
always inspires me to do more. I recommend the show
to all my friends and family. Oh nice little bonus
with the family. Of course, I'm a bit afraid what
they'll think of me if they picked the show up
with the dog Oh you know the show Who with Fingers?
Episode not the tough one to start on, yea. My
(22:08):
recommendation is as follows. A group of friends have all
gathered together for a game night. The host brings out
a new game that no one recognizes. M As players
begin to play, they realized things are not as the same.
Good luck, Sincerely, Kale uh Brend is your last name? Pedaluma, California. Oh,
(22:32):
I'm so excited about game night. I'm so excited about
the snacks. Yeah, well that's what I meant. Actually, it's
always the snacks. Louise. You did great on the snacks.
You were you were almost literally fishing your seven layer
bean dip. Is it's because there's eight layers the same?
(22:52):
Who does your upholstery? It is fantastic? Oh, thank you?
You know, I just I find a sample, I buy it,
and then it just had great Yeah, okay, who brought
the game? I didn't. I just focused on this next.
You know what? I brought a game? You guys. It's
it's called torqua Mata. I don't know how many people
have heard of it. Torquamata, even Taquamata like the Grand
(23:16):
Inquisitor from from the Spanish Inquisition, not like the Torcolushi.
That's what I heard at first. Oh the South African goblin? Yes,
what is it? An inquisitor? Is it like Twister? I
love Twister? Sort of. It's it's it's all about heresy.
I'm not sure how it works. I haven't opened it
up yet, but let up. This sounds exciting as hell.
(23:38):
Who wants to drink before we get a shot? Shut
lemon Cello again? Yeah, lemon Cello shot hard stuff? All right?
Let me just pour a couple of hair so Louis,
where's your husband tonight? Oh? Shut up? Okay, it's fine,
we're good, We're good. Okay, shut up, I'll take another shot.
(24:03):
You're still going, well, yeah, I got no, no, no.
I mean you know you can't get out of a marriage. Well,
that's true. Okay, problem, let's turn the focus elsewhere. Clearly.
I just I don't know. Are we sure we can't
just play you know, trivial pursuit. I I don't because
you've memorized all the cards lewis about running, about running,
(24:27):
trivial pursuit, running like running, but instead trivial pursuit. I
don't know. Well, there's a host sits in one centers
and the two groups off to the side, and they
send it a representative to the host who gives out
one answer. And I wish I knew somebody that made
board games, because I would submit that immediately, right. I know,
(24:47):
it's weird because when we gather for game night, you
always want to play board games, and there's all these
other activity down kind of games. And I don't do
Luigi board because of religion. And I feel like when
you men, well I don't believe in spirits. Well, I
don't want to contact the spirits. Pretty sure I know
who's gonna lose it this heresy. I just don't know
if I'm a comfortable with a heresy game. Well, Tim, Tom,
(25:08):
don't you go ahead to read the rules of this
new game? You got it? It looks like al right
it is. It comes in a scroll as steal. So
it says number one, roll the die, roll the die,
number one, roll the die. Uh. Then you then it
looks like whatever space you land on, you answer a question.
(25:29):
Then if you don't get it, oh, oh goodness, you
are brittally tortured by everyone else playing the game brutally.
So what it says until you come up with the
right answer? Do they give us any sort of stuff? George?
Oh god? Here dive in. There's a bunch of stuff
in the box that looks rusty. So I was thinking
(25:50):
tickled Monster. But it looks like you're going a little darker.
I mean it's not. Look, it's not a game. I
just like the story. Picked it up. Give it a shot.
I can't be any less comfortable than playing trivial Versus
with Lewis. We always have fun with you know, every question?
How does anyone know about the Iditarod. You know every
question about the because he's a freak. He's a freak,
and he memorizes things and doesn't he's a vulcan. All right,
(26:12):
we'll play this heresey game. I just there's guy this
This looks dangerous. It's the problem. It's here's hoping. It's dangerous.
And there's more lemon Cello involved. All right, I'm going
to roll the die. Anybody want to pick in the blanket?
Who're amazing? Your husband made really good ones to four?
A move forward? I moved forward? Okay, there is a
(26:35):
skull and bones on my little squares? Is that good? Death?
Correspond with the question? Who has the question cards? Oh?
Here's the box? Sorry, you gotta stay in the game.
Thank you? Two more? Will you pull a question from
the skull and bones? Uh? Card pile? Yeah? Okay? And
(26:58):
what is the questions? The first on? Alright? Question number one? Yeah? Yeah,
you do? Game show voice were so exciting? All right?
All right? Uh and remember, Pamela, if you can't get
this correctly, we begin the torture. Remember and looked at you.
You didn't have to look back the way you did.
(27:19):
This is going to get great, all right, here we go.
This northern town is the oh gosh, home of the
idea a rod, Oh, I know this one a northern town.
Shut up, it's not yours. Okay, um, look at my eyes.
Your eyes are saying Sacramento. God, oh, that's incorrect, California.
(27:43):
I told you we don't do this well together. You
do really well with her husband. You give my contact
all the time. We do finance as well, but we
don't do this stuff. Well, well, who was going to
start the torture? What was the right answer? It just
says not Sacramento on the back and you, I mean,
and no, snow there there's no possible correct answer. You
(28:03):
have to go a little more north. Yeah, I think
can start towards Russia. I think I get poison. That's
what I That's what I landed on, right, I get
poisoned poison. There, No, there's a walkman with a poison
tape in it though, all right, way worse, way worse.
It's pretty bad than actual poison. Alright, hit play, Okay,
(28:26):
you go sit in the corner with that for a second. Well,
I mean to the rules, I thought. She continued guessing
and being tortured until she gave us the correct answer. No,
we didn't get any of that from the rules. No,
do you want to go next? Yeah, okay, I want
to go. Jenny's gonna go next. Al Right, somebody else
read the cards I got. I rolled it, asshole. Three
(28:53):
pigs in the lake and two lemon cella shots and
you're rolling. Actually had seven shot. Sorry, I only witnessed too. Well. Look,
I've been scratching my leg so much it bleeds for
every shot I took him of that seven scratch mark.
I don't like self torture counts. Okay, I rolled, I
got a order. Okay, great, let me get the third.
(29:15):
All right, great? Um, Barkley and Fred are three of
the seven champions who have won the Iditarod in the
last five years. The four question, I shut up, it's
not yours, Louis. Tell me with your eyeballs. I don't
(29:38):
know you're not Louis. Why are you making eye contact
with Louise? Oh you don't like it either, bitch? Whoa.
Maybe we should just not lemon jello, not lemon jello shots,
but regular jello, regular cello. Let me see if there's
some jello in the refrigerator. I don't want jello and
(29:59):
there's no jell the refrigerator. Answer is there's no jello.
I feel like you're stalling. I need four dogs. What
what was the question again? The name before dogs repeated exactly.
The first one's Barkley and Fred were three of the
seven winners of the last five. I did rods name
the other four or one of the other four? It's
(30:21):
his name all four. I'm sorry. I mean we could
I mean we could do closy snootf Holy crap, it
was crawler. You have the other three torture on there.
(30:41):
It says, uh, yeah, we gotta break her heart even
more than her husband already had. It's a little pile meat. Um.
Your pigs in a blanket were a little dry, so
I stopped following you on Instagram. You just post pictures
of upholstery because it's beautiful, and you drank too much. Okay,
(31:09):
challenge accepted. Hit me again. Your husband's actually been making
more eye contact with me. I gotta go. I got
to know. You can't opt out of the game. Does
it say he you can opt out? There? It doesn't
say anything about opting out, But I mean, if we're
playing the you know, easier rules version. Listen, this is
(31:31):
our first time playing this game. I think we do
need to go with the easier version, because so far
this is the most intense game I've ever heard of. Well,
why don't you read the next card? Right? Okay, alright, six,
al right, okay. This is a weird space to land on.
It's a picture of my imaginary friend when I was
(31:53):
a child. It's like it's exact, It's exact. This is weird,
This is weird. I brought Craney him. Could we play cranium?
You always win cranium too. Yeah, no, we're not going
to play. How does it have a picture of his
imaginary Wait a second, we need to take just a
moment and answer that question. How does this game have
a picture of Jimmy's childhood imaginary friend? Who? You do
(32:19):
you still speak to this imaginary I'm not plus exactly who?
How was that change a music? It could be fresh
in his mind? And then how is your poison song?
I love how she comes to ask a very great
question though, and then right back to slap again and
(32:42):
the space is blank before I landed on its pop up.
Wait a minute, hold on a second, let me put
my put my piece on that space. All right, Oh
my god, that's my childhood imaginary best friend. Now that's
what I see. Where did you get this game from?
From that store? You said the store? But what is
that's house of Games? Well no, there's a there's a
(33:03):
Wizard next to Larry's house. Okay, okay, but it was
called Wizards with a Z, so I assumed it was
just a do you have two to four friends? I
do have two to four friends. This is just a
game for you. Hey, this looks this looks great. Torque
of my that's that that that South African monster? Don't
(33:24):
talking about the Torkoloshi deck? Right? So you'll have to
play this? Then? This looks? This looks great? Is it that?
This isn't this is just a regular board? Who makes this?
A Parker Brothers Milton Bradley. Oh no, it's an independent maker.
You're you're giving me a look like you designed this game. Congratulations.
(33:46):
As master is a passible toy. Someone's going to buy
your game, fan, it looks like it. I'm so excited.
I'll get the shampooe Oh that's my assistant, Peter Laurie.
Would you like to would you like to buy it? Yeah?
(34:07):
All right, hold on a second. Great, thank you. So
here's the mustache. But what kind of material is this?
It feels like leather, it's like soft. It's not a board?
Is it this creepy? It does smell strange, this whole
every space on the board. It looks like it's tattooed
onto this thing. Why don't have any clue how we
(34:30):
win this? But I feel like I'm out of question. Okay,
oh yes, yes, often imaginary friend. But when you landed
on your very own imaginary friend, okay, would you like
me to pull the car? Yeah? No, I've got it here. Okay.
I just it's a four player game. You like to participate,
is what I'm saying. What did you roll the gye? Next? Okay? Finish?
(34:51):
So the imaginary friend asks you, where have you been lately?
That's so sweet? But is there an answer? H and
you said twenty years? Over twenty years? Yeah lately? I
mean last week I was when he's just been in
contact with this guy? Why does that matter? I don't
know she's she's out. I mean I just got back
(35:18):
from the two thousand eighteen. I did a rod in juno.
That's what, oh juno, jot it the sexy town in Alaska.
Juno Northern got it. But is that what he means
by lately? I mean I feel like that should be
my answer, but I don't want to get it wrong.
But I would use that as an answer. Everything else
is related to the I did a rod so it's pattern.
(35:41):
Oh but you know what, Right after that, I stopped
by Carl Junior. I'm gonna go with Carl's Jr. On
the back of the card, it says Juno, God, I
had it. I had alright, so close, all right, you're
up definitely in the corner. It's he's materializing. Colonel Adventure,
(36:06):
my imaginary friend. Oh, my good frad Colonel, it's spent years. Yes,
climb aboard my steampunk motorcycle. We shall take adventures. It's
a man with dog ears. Oh, who's the drunk? Lady's out.
(36:28):
You don't want any part of that, Colonel Adventure. I'm
ready to go. Do it is Hop on the back, here,
hop on the back. We're off for adventures and Torcher
never to be seen again. Our last scene tonight comes
to us from Martin, who wrote, Hello Alcholmist, my name
(36:49):
is Martin and I am your listener From Argentina. I
love how Martin knows we've got just the one Argentina
that we sure it's not Martine or it is Martine.
It's absolutely Martine. There is a what do you call
that over the eye? There it is. I've been listening
from the first episode, and I was happy as hell
when you started releasing two episodes a week. Here's the suggestion.
(37:13):
What would happen if every dumb treatment and magical cure
that Hollywood stars endorsed suddenly started to actually work? Ridiculous diet,
magnetic jewelry, crazy habits, another quantum bullshit. Love the show, Martin. Mama,
you're gonna rub de magic show bitch cream on my
(37:35):
face again? Oh you got so many bumps and you're
so ugly. Let's put the cream off, mom, Thank you
so much. These days it's gonna work, right. That's a
nash Layer let ship for thirty more ships. I'm so excited.
(37:57):
If it's today, gonna be the day. I hope it
is on. I love for things to change. For your face.
Who am I gonna look like if it changes? Kennedy?
I don't think so. I think that husband of the
Kardashian that's estranged. Oh yeah, that's who was hold he is.
He's handsome too, honey, Okay, mom, wiping off. I just
(38:20):
didn't dig with what happened. Look at you? What happened?
What if you're not the spinning image of Scott Dessick.
I don't know what? Is it true? Get me some
sort of reflecting. Here's a pansy the mirror. Honey, honey, honey,
look at this. I can't believe this worked. I just
(38:41):
had one morning of it. It's lemon juice and cayenne
pepper and maple syrup. I took one sip. Look at
these abs. Oh my god. Absolutely, you are the man
I always wanted to marry. What I mean? Look you
look great? Are you? Wow? Who was the man you
(39:01):
always wanted to Just got so excited. I just you know,
Bruce Willis, Oh ya like celebrity man? Sure? Damn check
it out? Check it out. I just rubbed on Owen
Wilson's nose correction cream. It's perfect. I don't know. It
looks like Owen Wilson's nose. Oh it's going that way.
Oh no, I should have read it differently. Stephen looks
(39:23):
talk a penis. It's Okay, it looks good. It looks good, Carl, Jane.
I'm going to rub this on you and you're gonna
get read of one. Okay, is a magic cucumber. Jennifer
Aniston spires by, Oh my gosh, you have one head again.
(39:49):
I don't have anybody to talk to it anymore. Oh
you got me to talk to you? What are you
talking about? Nobody knows me, like mother head did? Can
you rub it? Oh? My frog? Oh not but your
sister Gane? No, Mom, I don't want to do that. That'scribe. Hey,
(40:09):
why don't you just do it yourself? All right? You
have time to say it. We don't have to say it.
I'm gonna do it, does mom? Okay, close your eyes. Everyone,
he's jumping frog lobster ty it too? Ah shoot now no,
I'm not gonna pete al right. So you're saying that
you've been affected in a bad way from what is
(40:34):
this cream? Owen Wilson's nose correction cream. I'm pretty sure
that you don't have a case here, sir. I only
take cases that I plan on winning, and it clearly
is an Owen Wilson cream. So I don't know what
you expected. To have happened to your this correction. I
thought I would fix my slightly broken nose, and it
made it worse. Plus now my hair is getting long,
(40:56):
blond and shaggy. It's I mean, there's ten o'lock almost
whoa what have we here? He was using the Owen
Wilson correction cream. Oh nas, I mean I hate to
see the before. Yikes. Actually, do you have a before
because that might be helpful. I did go to the
Sears portrait studio right before. I had, like, I've got
(41:18):
several wallets, so yeah, I mean, this is exactly I
don't want to talk about that. He doesn't have a
picture on his phone, that he has a wallet, photos, photos,
and this is it ironic. I'm just I'm one of
those analog guys, you know. But you bought this cream
must have been an instagram at I'm just so relieved
(41:38):
to have a customer. This is such an honor. I've
been sitting here by myself for weeks, months, years, and
so smile. Okay, great, do we get some more backdrops? Oh? Sure? Yeah?
What do you think of rainbows? Oh? I love rainbows?
Oh there you go? Okay, ready smile good good, Oh
that's really good. Gosh, it's been so long. I feel
(41:58):
really nervous. How am I doing? You're doing great? Hey,
I gotta ask you. Do you have the technology in
the studio here to do a floating version of my
own head in the corner of the photo? Actually? I do.
That's fantastic. I always wanted to get those. You have
a woodsy backdrop to look. I have it all. I
have everything. Why did anybody ever go digital? I don't
understand either. Are these cats sweaters complimentary to wear during
(42:22):
the shoot? You know what? I like you so much?
Take it home? Really, thank you? So I think maybe
just going to the tennant um meeting this person, just
see him out, I think so you and your cat
sweater can go, sir. Give me a big, big, big,
big big nose, all right. I just I'm a little
upset by all this. But you know, hopefully no other
(42:42):
changes will happen. Man, Oh god wait, wait, always sounded
like that. No. I don't think you're changing. Man. I
thought this would be awesome, but there's nah. Let's just
read the bottle really quick. I don't think it says
anything about vocal core changing. You might have something here, sir,
it's get lititis. Man, that'll be a you're so laid back. Yeah,
(43:03):
it wasn't before I was angry, but now everything just
seems like I don't know mint Julip in the forest. Man,
you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I don't. But I
think we've got a case. I think we might take
this all the way at the top. All right, we're
gonna get a folder started on you. Okay, terrific, I'll
get the folder. Okay, good, good, Yeah, what were you
gonna say? No, I'm just I'm down for this plan. Man,
(43:24):
it's awesome. Okay, got it, got it. That's a great start.
Thank you. It's ten o. It's ten o seven. Oh shit,
we're gonna we're gonna get back to you. I gotta
take my next case. Okay, Oh it's fine. I'll just
be in Austin. You can find here. Man. Did you
have to relocate after this? Something tells me to go
there now. I feel the need. We'll get a hold
of you. You want to send my TENO seven in
(43:47):
ten ship. You're very late. It's fine. What a funky morning.
Let me get a funky morning. Um, I may I
have your autograph? I'm not think I am. I think
you might be. It's okay. I'm not gonna tell him.
I'm not gonna like scream or anything. I just when
you're autograph all right? Here you go? Who should I
(44:08):
make it out to make it out to me? To me?
Love Kyle Hendrix. Okay, okay, but really I know who
you are, so like, I promise I won't scream or anything.
I'm not gonna, you know, drag attention to you or whatever.
But if you could just like sign your name and like,
I'm a huge fan. It's a it's a quandary for
(44:30):
new me. Now, you know, I'm not sure if I
should all right to me, love Owen Wilson. Everyone, excuse me,
excuse me? Could I get please, please get an autograph
about this? This is autograph? My shoe are all right?
Who should I make it out? Make it up to Peggy? Hey,
(44:51):
excuse me. I'm a police officer, so I think I
can do what I want to here. So you say
you're Owen Wilson. Ah, they said, Iowa. Well this is
interesting because I happen to know as a big will
head myself. O. Win's on set right now. Owen's on
set right now, so who the fuck are you? Who
are you? Who the fuck are you? Luke? Hey, doctor,
(45:15):
I got an equation for having taken this nicko human
growth hormone for sixteen weeks and today was the day, apparently,
because I'm blowing up like a poisoned dog. Yeah. Yeah,
you look, you know what? You know what? Then then
it's working. You look great. Your hair is all over
the place, it's coming out of places I never even
knew hair existed. Yeah, but you know what, Nick Nolty is,
(45:36):
A is a national treasure. And now so are you?
What would you do be a favorite? Yeah? Named four
of your favorite Nicknoty film? Oh gosh, uh, well there's
the Beverly Hills one, right, yeah, the Beverly Hills one. Yeah,
down and down and out in Beverly Hills. You got close.
(45:56):
There's that. There's that mug shot from when he got
his d y. That's certainly that's one of his alright,
um yeah, and uh and he was he was great
in the Prince of Tides. Thanks tiny movie Whisperer Ghost
on my Shoulder. Al right, Well that's pretty that's good
about yeah. Alright, So what am I do? Now? What
(46:19):
do I do? Because I feel like I could take
on the war. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, take
on the world. Declare war on everyone. All right, I'm
gonna start hearing you're off. Oh gosh, I'm not me though,
I'm I'm an ally of yours. This ghost on my shoulder.
How many partners you got here? How many partners? It
is just me and my ghost on one partner? How
do I get Well, I'll write you a prescription. All right. Sure,
(46:42):
it's the newest Hollywood craze. I'm going to join your
army of and taking the hormone as well. He's the
greatest juice, right, really great? And not tell me before
you the juice kicked in? Yeah? What did you look like?
What were the differences? Oh? I was four footing your
sick four now? Yeah, and a very high voice for
(47:03):
one more, a lady. Finally, I haven't taken the hormone, right,
I'm interested copy that. Well, here, let's start to john
some juice rights, rights the same. What are you hoping
to accomplish? No, I guess I just want to be
like y'all. Feel powerful. I have a sense of purpose.
(47:23):
Let's get more hair. Yeah, well, that's the thing for me.
That brought me to the trough worth the idea of
more hair. I wish it was a real trough I've
always wanted to drunk. I love real troll Well, let's
go to one now. O. Alright, lemonade, lemonade. You just
took my lemonade right out of my hand. You didn't
even pay for it. Yeah, I guess it's sormone. Honey
(47:47):
makes us real thirsty. Like sit it again. Still we've
been taken, makes us real thirsty. Okay, Well, I got
lots of lemonade and wants to know how much. Here's
the thing I've been reel into hair lately. So can
you give me some of your hair? Oh my god,
(48:14):
I've never seen anything like that in their life. Take
all the lenity, take all of it. That's amazing. And
you'd like to try to deposit all this hair? Yes,
it was very hard to get this hair. I think
it is worth more than money. Well, we disagree here
at think of America. I don't know why you brought
(48:35):
your manager over for this. This is an easy one
for you to Okay, gentlemen, I know that you say
you disagree, but wouldn't it be easier to just agree.
Oh that's a strong argument. Did I hear correctly? You
have some valuable hair. It is very bay. Let's take
this away from the bank, little lady. I'd like to
(48:57):
write you a personal chase. Oh really, I'm thinking forty
seven thousand dollars from my hairs. That's the finest looking
hair I've ever seen. Okay, well, this one was given
to me by a woman who tweaked her on booby
and then it popped out. Oh I have We could
take the check that you're going to give to her
(49:18):
and put it in account for you. Wait, and everybody's happy.
Huh Yeah, this seems like a very symbiotic. It's relious symbiotic.
You give her the check for this pile of hair.
We'll take that check and put it in the bag. Well,
I'm not so certain a pile of hair is fair
in terms of descriptions, right, Well, tell it more of
(49:40):
a wad. Sorry, I just came to say how this
whole thing took out? Are you the one who produced
some of the Oh you said, titty, that's right right,
And some of the hair came Molly. It's kind of
(50:00):
prickly like now. Customers are very important to us, but
if you want to step away from the window, will
you negotiate this will take the check when you're done.
Some of those teddy popping too much for your other customers.
You know, it's like a Toddy's vulgar friends and nipple.
(50:21):
You got a piece on your t shirt. Well it's uh.
The peace sign is just to kind of, you know,
celebrate Friday. So you can tell why I called the
manager over right, I think it's pretty obvious where this
is going to go. Hey, I really I've really enjoyed
our time together. Oh you know what, this has been
really really wonderful. I I appreciate you telling me all
(50:44):
those Nick Nolty movies. It's been really great. But I've
been called by a what there's a game happening and
and they've called me to come over and present myself
in this. Did you get summoned in the game because
someone kind a question about the guy did wrong? Yes,
summon Yeah. But I'm just gonna I'm gonna miss you
so much. I'm going to miss you too. You have
(51:04):
a great shoulder, thanks you have great feet, thank you.
I'm just I'm just worried that I'm not going to
remember what movies Nicknolty was in anymore. I have a
feeling that will never come up ever again. That's a
very good point. Dr Why are you talking to yourself?
I just wanted to get my results from the test,
and you're talking to yourself. Oh uh sorry, Yeah, it
(51:29):
turns out you have another forty eight hours to live.
A right, Louis, your imaginary friends showed up in the
corner there. I guess you get a question now. That's
very strange. It's embarrassing that my imaginary friend. Uh, I
was very young when I am unicorn. I was really
(51:53):
young when I imagined her. It was so weird that
she wasn't helpful at all that time. She won't usually
just a great little exposition moment and then right back
to sleep. That time was just pure beautiful LSD imagination.
I'm gonna want to get this right, okay, Because Captain
adventured tortured the f out of me. Man, he seems
(52:14):
like a nice guy. She seems very nice. I know
the colonel is not amazing. He makes me call him
captain now, which is like, I don't know why I
demoted himself. Anyways, you want your question? Yeah, all right,
yea name six of the regular cast of Charles Schultz's Peanuts.
(52:35):
I'm sorry, it's so weird. This has nothing to do
with it. Okay, I can do this. The original six. Charlie,
Charlie Brown, Chas Brown, you know him, well, it's Jazz Brown,
Chuck Nickolet. Oh no, sorry, that's all the information I have. Wait,
(53:00):
but you're my mentionary friend. Are you talking to Hu
the unicorn with fifteen boots? Sorry? Sorry, set, somehow I
missed the fifteen boob unicorn in the room. There's everyone
seem unicorn. Yeah, I see it. Free the nipples. So
(53:21):
it's not Nick Nolt. No, it's not. Literally, that's what
two for number two? Who's going to say peppermin Patty?
But you should have said that, but you didn't. After
pat who are you going to say? I was gonna say,
probably Nick, I was probably screwing your way. So I'm
sure my torture can't be that bad. What is it?
You have to watch every episode of Peanuts, every every
(53:43):
movie they ever did, all the great Charles Schults work
until you understand who these cast members are and why
they're so important to the rest of us. I was
totally wrong about herresy. This is a much better game
than torture. Clearly hate sitting. I'm a huge Nulty fan, right, yeah, exactly,
(54:03):
All right, let's go. There's a lot more that you're
not aware of. There's the Great Pumpkin and things like that,
but there's also it's a root canal, Charlie Brown, there's
so many others. Let's go to that one. Now, Okay, Snoopy,
if you could just sit in the chair right here, well,
never mind what's going on in the other room. You're
gonna be fine. Just have a little seat there. We're
gonna put I put you under and then have a
(54:27):
little look. See you know what, let's take a look.
See first, open up wide for me, if you would please.
Oh yeah, look at there. There's the problem right there.
We need to extract that tooth all the way down,
including the root. Yeah, would you like uh some what
is it called a knoxa song side Knox and you
(54:47):
know the ship that's the stuff what she said, Yeah,
I'm gonna take that as a yes. All right, nurse
would you mind? Uh yeah, I'll go take care of
right now. Sorry, that's nurse Ratchet. Uh he's new here. Um, well,
(55:08):
can I just say, first of all, before you go under. Uh.
And I'm sure you get this every hour, every day. Uh.
Just such a huge, huge fan. Uh. I think if
I may you, Uh, fighting the red Baron is just
one of the absolute joy moments for me. Yeah yeah, Um,
but I'm a little concerned about Woodstock. Uh. You guys
(55:29):
seem like great pals, right, I love Woodstock. I would whoa,
what just happened? That was fantastic, Snoopy. I just didn't
want to sit here silent anymore. Whoa. Hey, here's another
question for you. You have this deadbeat brother who lives
in Arizona. I think how's he doing? Um? Hey, I'm sorry,
(55:56):
it's me, Franklin. I've been in the waiting room for
over an hour. Everybody seems to have gotten about me.
Oh yeah, Franklin, nothing personal. Um, we'll just have to
figure out the snoopy root canal issue. And as soon
as we're done, I promise your next It's okay. It
used to be marginalized. But yeah, here's here's a challenge
(56:17):
for you, Franklin, if you'd like join us in this
room and assist me the dentist, with removing Snoopy's Uh
to Okay, we'd like to do that. I'd love to
do that, but I don't know my job. Well, nurs ratchet,
I think we need to get that bullfrog out of
your throat first so that we can hold give us
(56:40):
a big sneeze. Wow, that's a real that's a bull frog.
It's technically a jumping frog. Where there it is? I
was looking out for a while, A cool fun Oh
here you go, kid, Thank you. Back to the call
(57:02):
with my they having team brought on it. Then all
right Snoopy? Um again just a huge fan. And uh,
do you want an autograph? I do. I'm gonna put
this pen in between your the toes of your paw
is that what they're called? The toes on? What they're called.
(57:23):
I want to put this pen in there. And here's
a photo of you trying to shoot down the red
baron and this waiting that looks like Owen Wilson to me, Oh, well,
I got this from the poster of the animated movie
about Snoopy that Owen Wilson stars. Is okay? That tracks? Okay?
(57:43):
Sign it? Yeah? Uh? Just you could just signed it
below the own Wilson signature. Got it would be great. No,
one ever wants Franklin's signature. Good. I can't even say that.
That's not even my line. Franklin, You've really been pissing
me off for a long time, and I'm glad I
finally have the opportunity to tell you you have a
lot to be grateful for. Man, name the first four
(58:04):
things he should be grateful for, alright, listing Number one
your health. Number two your abs. Look at your abs, man,
I'm ripped and no one knows it. Number three, you
have a healthy appetite. That's true, I can put it down.
And number four, Uh, what a dancer? Yeah, I have
(58:24):
three moves, unlike everybody else's two. He's cut you there. Yeah, no,
we agree now right, you know what, I feel a
lot better about everything. High five. Man. Well, I've had
enough time, way more than I'm used to getting, so
I'll go back after all right. Uh, you're the next
one to come in and read for Franklin today for us. Okay,
(58:47):
I'll give it a shot, all right, give it a
shot to show you know. Uh, we're looking to lift
it off the page today. Very little written for Franklin,
So please bring something new and fresh, all right, when
you're ready to take your own cue. My name is
Franklin and I'm doing it in a new fresh way.
(59:10):
And that's our show for today. Thank you very episode
of Alchemy. Let's get around and thank our alchemism, no
particular orders. Carla Kakowski, Thank you, Thank you. Where should
you folks look to find you performing or or social media?
Westside Comedy Theater, Orange Tuxedo once a month, first Wednesday
(59:31):
of every month at Carla Kakowski al right on James
Heeny please check out the real James Heney dot com.
And on the second fourth Wednesdays at nine pm at
the west Side Comedy Theater, It's bar Supply. If you're
in the Los angele and area on the second and
fourth Wednesday sure of every month, please go to uh
Westside Comedy dot com and check out their CALENDARU Marcus,
(59:55):
I'm Mark Gags on Twitter and UH and come see
me if you're in Los Angeles. It in shows. If
you're not, watch Blood and Treasure Tuesday's a tenantcy Yes,
second season. Yeah, we just got a second season. Yeah,
thanks so damn exciting. Yeah. And uh work Juice, Yeah,
it worked Uice in provo. Last ones day of the
month at Dynasty Typewriter Poform. Oh your mustaches gone, had
(01:00:21):
a great segue to Vanessa. My goodness, gracious, it seems
like you missed one show. How did you do that?
I was so sad to miss it, but glad to
be back and check out Dynasty Typewriter. Exciting summer at
the time of Yeah, we've got some really great things
coming up. Of course I can't think of any right now. Well,
that's why you go to Dynasty the website, Nas Typewriter
(01:00:44):
call yeah, please and call Stratton Universe collide and it
all worked out right. Yeah, it is first time coll
and I are in the same mom. We kind of
want to thank you for coming in and guest hosting
for me. So I love doing it. Yeah, we did this, Okay,
there's no split in the timeline happened. Yeah, that's all
good and working folks find you pretty, pretty pony. It's
the first Thursday of every month of tmp M at
(01:01:06):
the West Side Comedy Theater. Features a lot of people
that are regulars on this show. It's always fun with
the special guest monologist, which you've done a basketball yeah
and Stratton Cole and Cole Stratton on various social media
things super fantastic. All right, let's thank our engineer to
the stars, Mr Doug bam Man, our sound design expert
Raphael Brito, our producer Sophie Lickerman, and I Art Media.
(01:01:32):
Thank you so very very much. I'm Kevin Pollock, your host.
Until next time, a football for Pepper.
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.