September 21, 2021 • 53 mins
Sao Paulo.
Someone who brings song lyrics and movie quotes into casual convo.
Brand new BBQ joint next to a failing zoo.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. There, I'm your host,
Kevin Pollock. Is that Kevin Pollock? Yes, it's the one
from the TV. Yeah, also from the Okay, but I digress.
Let's meet our Achamy, shall we? In no particular order.
Let's quickly checking with Craigkowsky for his rules for after
labor day account. Kevin, no white, No white number one,
(00:29):
number one, no white number two? Uh, no white, okay anything?
No white wine, people, no white You're gonna take the
no white pants, no white shoes a little further. Yeah,
let's go all the way with it. I mean, I'm
(00:50):
not even sure it's been no white shoes for a
very very long time, but certainly I feel it's still
no white pants, right yeah, yeah, no white nderwear, which
I think a lot of people forget. And uh, I
understand that this fall, you know, a lot of venues
are gonna be checking you know, because they're checking your
your results, your test results, uh for COVID, they're gonna
(01:13):
be checking your underwear as well. So your picture as
you could just point to the one area that's not
ever white. Thank you, Craig, and now say hello to
Chris Alvarado. Becoming film savvy. What films for your summer?
From your summer can you recommend? As we enter the fall, Wow,
(01:34):
there's this real sleeper indie hit that I just saw
for the first time. It came out in Um, I
believe it's cold. I don't know how to pronounce it.
Pulp fiction, pulp fiction. If you haven't seen this movie,
I really recommend it. Like I said, I just saw
it for the first time. It's got this got a
couple of couple of good actors in there. Um, you
(01:55):
might know John Travolta, he's in that movie, Samuel L. Jackson,
among others. Um, I really recommend that quick spoil alert.
What's in the briefcase? Well, um, according to the Internet,
it's his soul. His soul. Also, I only owned two
pair of white underwear, and when I put them on,
I feel, I feel nice. Okay, I just want to
(02:19):
say that that's pretty good. Hey, let's all cheer Jackie
Gonzalas truth. Yeah, oh my god, funnier now than then.
Favorite footwear and why well, I have to say I
had to get like a very specific kind of sneaker
because I had this foot, this ongoing foot injury. That's
(02:40):
still with me. Um, And my pediatrist was like, gave
me all of these rules. She didn't say brands, but
she was like, it must you know, fulfill these qualifications.
And based on all of that, my ideal sneaker is
a Jordan's. Unfortunate is that I'm not a hype beast,
(03:03):
not going to have spend like on a pair of Jordan's,
but now I want to. I love them so much.
I found my minor kids kids Jordan because I couldn't
find one that I enjoyed, uh in in at the
store that I was at that were that were women's
But lucky me, my feet are tiny, so Jordan's I
(03:24):
want so many. I want to just get myself a
new pair for like every holiday, and I haven't done
that yet, but I don't think a holiday has passed yet.
You know, the gift giving one really quick? Kevin, can
you just for the listeners I noted is can you
define what a hype beast is? Yes? Much like tiny feet,
(03:44):
tiny penis. Uh James with his size seven just perked up.
What now? Hype Beasts are people that are like obsessed
with sneakers and like like sneaker drops and like special,
like very exclusive. Only three of these sneakers were made
(04:06):
and they're like wrapped in plastic and they go to
like sneak cons Like it's a whole, it's a it's
a culture, and I'm there aesthetically, but I'm not there financially.
Even if I was there financially, I would never spend
that much money on a pair. Well she never say
never a and also too Uh when you get that
(04:29):
first pair and you've paid too much, I believe a
problem will in fact follow. Yeah, the curse. You know,
it's it's like it's human. You have a taste. Do
you have something that you've done this with? You've gone
down the hole? What about Jamie has a nice shoes?
(04:51):
Right Vin? She might shut up? Shut up? You know what.
I know what I've said too much. I might have
specifically gone to a store in Milan, Uh the last
time I was there and point and go those Now
they have a sketcher story. Why wouldn't shoot pal? Hey,
(05:15):
there's James Heeny, Jimmy J. J Henson. Does your family
even know you're doing this podcast? You know what? It's
crazy they don't. I think my my mom and my
family seen me to improv maybe my whole life three times.
One of the times was in high school, and uh,
my balls showed on stage, and I think that that
(05:38):
kind of that kind of made it so that they
never came and watched what happened. Don't you ask for
the check yet? I am serious. I was playing a
short form game called World's Worst and it was World's
Worst Plumber, and I pulled my pants down kind of
like to the crack. But the problem was I used
to wear really baggy pants and when I bent over,
the all the way down. So it's like my family
(05:58):
never came back. You wanted to show the crack, you
ended up showing your nuts, and I think somewhere along
the voyage, uh, your balloon tie might have also been shared.
You know, I didn't know until a while afterwards that
my my family saw my balls. I knew that I
got in trouble for showing my ash, but when I
found out that my grandma was, like my mom told
(06:20):
me one time that my grandma did not like that show,
it was it was tough. They won't even they won't
even listen to the podcast for fear that they might
see my balls. So I'm so sorry. A balloon tie.
You want to circle back to the asterisk. Is that
what we're calling up dick? No, no, no, that's so
(06:44):
many you know what. At first, that's what I thought.
That is what I was thinking. But now that I think,
I think you said, that's perfect, that's perfect, makes sense?
Is that what we're calling it? Just like al right,
(07:05):
this uh, this episode will come with a disclaimer in
a warning keep the kids, uh, put the kids to bed,
and then give a listen. And last but not nearly
enough with Sabby for you if you think them least.
It's Joey Greer keeping with this theme, not knowing it
was coming. Bifurcated anis what would you like to say
to that teacher in school who just didn't get you?
(07:28):
I'd like to sit them down. Now, I'd like to well,
I'd like to go out to a nice steak bar,
you know, go to nice bar, absolutely, sit them down
and just have a conversation as adults. And then about
you know, third of the way into the conversation, I'm
gonna have one of my buddies come up to me
and uh, I'm gonna my buddy come up to me
(07:52):
and tap me on the shoulder and go, excuse me, sir,
your car is being told and I'm gonna go are
you serious? And go yeah, do you drive that rule
Royce Lamborghini? And I go, yes, I do. And uh.
Then if you gotta get out there quick, they're gonna
they're gonna to it. So that's the way you rub
it in the teacher's face is by having a friends
say you're Lamborghini rolls Races. That's pretty fucking baller. I
(08:14):
had never thought of that. All of our scene suggestions
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To become a patron support of the show and enjoy
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(08:35):
highest level support of the Alcomaniac, you'll have a chance
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email address Alchemy. This email at gmail dot com once
(08:57):
again that what seen one constant patron v I P.
Lawrence Stewart, who wrote, you are all more than welcome
to call me Larry. Okay, so we had an issue
with before you remember this James good because he's about
(09:18):
to address you in this missive. He goes on, also,
James Michael equals Mike. Jonathan equals Jonathan, excuse me equals John.
Samuel equals Sam. Lawrence equals Larry. Well, I never knew that,
you know. I feel like I feel like that's not
(09:39):
a given. I feel like Lawrence could be a lot
of different things. So well, Larry could, let's express go ahead?
What else you got like? Liam? Larry could? Uh? Lark Larry?
I like Lark short for Lawrence. Alright, Well, okay, I
(10:01):
just I guess I just didn't ever. I've never really
met many Larries, and I certainly have met fewer Lawrences.
Have you ever said in life, hey, Lair? Hold up?
Wait up, no, because I would be the super abrieve. Uh.
Lawrence goes on to say a wonderful day evening to
you all. PS. Just for the hell of it, here's
(10:22):
a scene suggestion salth Paolo the city in Brazil. Thank
you all? As always? Am I saying it wrong? Salth
Paolo South Bolo this baby, I get it. Just this,
relax the beach. They don't need to hear you. You're right,
(10:44):
You're right, relax right, you're right. Yes, what either of
you'd like to purchase some shells? Shells for saying you
necklace ear rings? Shoot, well, well let's just see what
they got. This is yeah, I've got on Ryan, Let's
(11:05):
see shell shake a joke, This is a big This
is a joke. Guy, Baby, did you right now? You
want to just tell jokes with somebody? Larry? Come on?
Oh now it's Larry. So I'm in trouble. So I'm
in trouble. You know what I could swing by a
(11:25):
little later. You took what room? Are you? Guys the earth?
The most famous stand up comedian in the world, and
you're telling me you want to spend twenty minutes. I'm
not nicky shit here? Okay, then, y I'm Nicholas Shitzman. Okay,
(11:48):
just okay. Why every time we go out you bring
up that I'm this massive stand up Give us a ship.
It's paying for all those I don't care. That's fun,
that's what I like to do. This is what I
want to do. I want to be here. Okay, well
you want to be somewhere else, you know what? Maybe
maybe maybe the concierge is right. Oh my god, is
(12:08):
that is that Nikki Shits over there? Oh? I'm such
a huge fan. Go introduce yourself. You think so he's
on vacation. I shouldn't, should I Look, we're both Americans
and sal Paolo. What are the odds? I don't know.
I don't know. I mean, you can't common ground with him.
(12:31):
You have what you have them every you have every
Nikki Shit special on VHS. I do, including several that
came out after the advent of VHS. We had to
get them transferred onto VHS. Well it's otherwise it's not
a collection exactly. Well, okay, you don't think it's gonna
I don't mean I don't want to create. Okay, Yeah,
(12:52):
I'm gonna do it. Hey, would folks like some shells?
I got shelves as a necklace, earrings, shoes, sandwich, know
what a simple Trust me, you're gonna want the Brazilian wax.
It's gonna make you feel like you're in some pow. Okay,
so let me just go nuts on the area. If
you trust me, I do, I do. Yeah? How many
(13:16):
years have I been waxing you? How many? Linares? You
look so young? Don't do that to yourself, to yourself.
I didn't when you told me that you were forty two,
I was shocked. Don't tell a soul rever. None of
my friends know who you are. I know what none
(13:38):
know who you are, Linari. None of your friends know
who I am. None of my friends know who you are.
It is it is like beautician patients, not patient, but
you know, like beautician customer confidentiality. Like I'm all up
in your business. I cannot tell people that I know
you that you can say something to somebody like I had,
(13:58):
like this client that was so fucking hard cool. Yeah,
but like they don't know exactly who you're, right, They
don't know that you're Linares de Naro. They don't know
everything about what is this? Like? Why do you hided me?
I'm not trying to hide it you Okay, I'm just
trying to listen. Maybe we should keep this just a
professional relationship. Maybe I should just watch the coach and
(14:21):
move on. Okay, great, Yeah, maybe that's exactly what we
should do. That's exactly it. Because I don't even know
if I want to be in a situation where someone
you're angry, Lannis, I don't want to do this. If
you're angry, it's not gonna come out right. It's gonna
hurt you more because they're gonna hurt me. No, I
don't want to hurt it you. I don't want to
hurt it you. I'm telling you that if you're going
(14:42):
in with that kind of attitude, it is probably gonna
hurt it more. I'm trying to avoid that. You know.
You know, at least maybe I should go see somebody else.
Maybe I don't want to be Brazilian? Are you kidding
me right now? Do you know? First No, I'm not joking.
I'm not suking nicky shits. Wow, wow, you know that. Well,
(15:04):
you were wise to get a second opinion because you
don't created Brazilian is a popular wax. But I think
you know, going Polish wax is uh. You know, it's
first of all, it's cheaper, uh, and uh, you know
I'm going to address the same areas. It's just not
gonna be quite the same cut, you know, because we
were different, different bathing suits, and what is up without
(15:26):
It's like boiling onions. Oh I I'm making parogui later. Okay,
so I'm boiling some money. Is not gonna stuff the
parougey with onions and uh and mushrooms. The way is
thinking like this kitchen is like is this your office?
Or like what is the minor homes? It's it's a
little all purpose dan. How the onions coming? All right?
(15:48):
They're they're they're coming along, they're coming good. All right?
Do you take talk about your clients? No? No, I
mean you know I I uh like, I mean you
would tell me, not for not he would tell me.
I would tell stashe should be the first nobody to know.
But you wouldn't talk about like me anyway. Your friends
are like family or No, that's that's no. I think
(16:13):
I'm gonna go see someone else. I'd like to send
the shell shake over to the two that are over
there in those lawn chairs. I don't think their lawn
chairs bathing chairs, sun bathing chairs. Oh gosh, I'm so nervous. Okay,
you want to send two shell shakes? No, just one
to to the channel. That's nicky. That's nicky shits. I
(16:36):
don't know what that means. But you're talking about the
chase lounges by the pool. Is that what they're called? Yes,
those the chase chase lounges, chase lounges. This is our
first time over. This is exciting. I tell them it's
from us. Okay, So we're good. We're in a good place. Yeah,
(16:59):
we are. I know we're in a beautiful situation. I
just want you to appreciate it. I really don't know
what causes these fights. I don't like Larry. I'm really
trying to figure this out. I thought this trip was
gonna bond us. It's probably my own insecurities. I'm being honest,
and I don't want that to cause a rift between us.
(17:21):
Well it is, it's because a huge fucking rift. Okay,
just you know what. The hotel has a world. So
what how can you love me? How could you love me? Oh?
My god, Larry, how do you know me? You gotta
love yourself first? Alright? Imp Okay, great, you know what
(17:43):
I'm gonna I'm gonna take a walk. Okay, you have
cash you gotta give me. I'm so sorry. Interrupted, We're good.
I don't want any shells. Okay, this was for you,
Mr ship stof Ski. Uhman, this is a shell shake
and it was bought by that gentleman over there, the
one with the crazy eyes that's staring and is there
(18:06):
only one? He bought one from this gentleman. I'm so sorry,
but he just bought one. But that's on him. Hi,
we're American too. Oh you're awesome. Thank you, thank you
so much for thank you, thank you for the shake.
Appreciate you. No, you're not thank you, thank you, appreciate
I have a great time in Stopaul come over there.
(18:28):
But one I did not want to see him come
over there. I could listen. I can listen to the
Joey Jackie fucking Day. I'm I'm with you, DeNiro. That
was crazy. You guys want to hear a crazy story.
(18:48):
This is an inappropriate time to tell this because you're
supposed to give me the second Sorry, but no, good lady.
I did have like a regular waxer when I lived
in Miami, and then I moved out here and I
made friends with a dude, Philip Molina. He's in the
comedy community. Guess what his sister was in Miami. He
(19:08):
out here and when I met him, because she had
told me about her brother. It was out here and
she had told me her brother who moved to l
A who went to us. So then when I met
and I knew his name because of her, And when
I met him, I was like, wait a second, is
your sister blank? And he was like yeah. I was like,
Coco coose you want with me? Yeah? If you ever
need to know anything about my tiny, tiny penis, you
(19:28):
can ask your sister. Seeing two comes from listener John
Let's spell j O N. James if you're okay with that?
Who wrote Hey Kevin? My suggestion as someone who is
always trying to bring song lyrics and or movie quotes
into conversations appropriate or not looking forward to seeing what
(19:53):
all of you do with that, and just wanted to
add that rule is my favorite brownie? Okay, John from
near San Antonio, get you pass me the spaghetti I
just got. It's just not that often that we all
get to be here, you know, breaking bread, and I'm
just so happy we do it, even if it's just
(20:17):
great parmesan. If you got they only have whatever that
blog is, um, But that's it. I'm done talking. I'm
done duck, and i'd let's see, let's see. Hey, we're
all Look, we're all family, and we don't get to
see each other a lot. This is nice, This is
(20:39):
this is nice. I'll just say it, all right, I'm
digging in. I'm digging before we before ead ead. I
know they're all hungry, but we're all family and we
don't get to see each other a lot, and we're
here and we're seeing each other and it's so amazing.
And I just want to say your support throughout this
past year has really meant a lot to me with
the divorce and everything. I just I felt like you
(20:59):
guys would be out at me, and you weren't. I
just felt like that meant a lot to me because
I always felt like maybe a little bit of black
sheep of the family. Oh no, not past the spaghetti
to me. I'm sorry for interrupting. Could you pass that spaghetti? Wait? What? Yeah?
Go ahead and go ahead and go ahead. Sorry, thank you, Danny?
(21:22):
What then? What I was just looking at? I just
I'm hungry. I don't want to interrupt the speeches. Sorry,
thank you for the spaghetti. Listen, it wasn't your fault
and that was the whole thing, and that was beautiful.
All right. While you were talking, I was thinking, I'll
have what cheese having? But let's see what's up. Let's
(21:46):
let's see all right. I think we should thank you Lord,
Thank you Lord, thank you Lord, blessings, thank you Lord,
thank you are thinking? Well, that's also hold on, I
mean someone's might not be Christian here. Let's I'm sorry.
I didn't mean you. I didn't Earth Earth Earth Mother,
thank you. Okay, all right, Okay, oh my god, this
(22:10):
is a sauce. This is a sauce. Nice sauce. M
I was thinking maybe tomorrow we can go for a
walk in the park. I don't know. We have this weekend.
That might be nice, just to kind of let's park.
There's a couple of different parks. Did I'm sorry? Can
we just all just be quiet and eat? No? Oh,
(22:30):
can we just be quiet and eat for a little bit.
So it's been in Watson' we've all been here to
eat together. Okay, like old times, we didn't talk. Let's
just not talk. An insane and we were afraid to
talk because he might lose his ship on one of us. Okay,
he's dead, he's dead now, Yeah, he's gone, so we
(22:51):
don't have to eat in silence. But sure, let's do
that because you're the oldest. That's good. I'm sorry. I'm
so so sorry, Leo. Can you chew less loud? It's
hard for me to enjoy my meal when I'm listening
to you? Well, I didn't. Is anybody else feel the
(23:16):
same way? I mean, first of all, I want to comment,
what do you mean? What do you mean? I didn't?
You didn't what you didn't? Close your fucking mouth? Okay,
all right, all right, hey, hey, get off, listen. All right,
we're gonna have here go and you know what else?
(23:39):
Is it dead? Talking right now when we're eating? By it? Okay? Normal?
For so can we please act like all the other families? Well,
I got the side room, so I think they're gonna
give us a little space. How's everyone doing? Okay, had time?
Having a great time? Thank you? I'm telling you. More
(24:01):
bread here, more bread, more bread? Yeah? Bread? Everybody want bread?
And let's get it some more. Can we get some
more of that octopus? Yeah? Yeah? Well keep him coming.
It's uh, it's a never ending octopus? Is the ape?
In that case, Antonio wouldn't be octopi. No, octopuses is
actually the correct plural. Okay, thanks for that. Where is
(24:25):
the older man that usually uh sits here? He's he's gone.
Well I put them a foot in it then, and
uh no, no, it's fine. He's burning in hell. He's
burning in hell. He's burning in hell. I mean we
assume that because you believe in God. Oh yes, very much,
very much. So you probably believe in heaven in hell.
(24:47):
I do believe in heaven and hell. So our father
is definitely in hell. Okay, some of us don't believe
in that. Well that's Christian or not. He's in hell,
so okay, so we keep that octopus coming and release
the cracking. Please keep it coming. I don't know what
you want me to do this. How much octopus can
these fucking people eat? All right? I can't cook ordered
the never ending octopus for two d dollars? Okays, not
(25:09):
gonna cover the gun damn cautious octopus? But what the fuck?
Is it possible they're sharing it at the like? Does
do they all get as much as they can eat?
Is it possible that maybe they're cheating it? Have you
watched them? It's a lot of octopus look, it is
bottomless octopus. Okay, is what they ordered. I go back
to the table. There's no octopus on the table anymore, Chef.
(25:30):
I know it's not my place to speak, chef, but
I heard a segment on This American Life, that that
news program on NPR where they said it's hard people
can't tell the difference between and this is true pigginess
an octopus. Oh really, Oh thank go holy ship, Let's
just use all that fucking piggies. I got me back.
(25:52):
I've been saying, what are you doing? What am I
gonna get pigae? Should I thought out? The pig ainies
is thought out? Yeah, you know, if we got some
thought out that episode about it. I forget what the
theme was, but they were. But they even did a
(26:12):
test at the end, like Calamari, and they did actual
Calamari and then actual pig ainis cal is an octopus?
I know, I know calamar is an octopus is squid. Okay,
but the listeners won't know that, all right, the listeners
are going to think that. It just feels like you're
going off the rails right now. Yeah, a little bit, okay,
(26:33):
because I'm I'm I'm almost a war correspondent, and now
I'm doing got them. You know you were a war
corse part I talked to people who were at war. Yes,
that doesn't correspond with war. Okay, yeah, like this is
PRX okay, Public Radio International, Yeah, Portland, I know, listen,
if we can get them to have some pig ainy
(26:57):
and maybe they think it's sucked the pus or whatever. Wait, wait,
don't tell me. Okay, we clicking clack over here anyway,
all right, I am fool Yeah, maybe a little little turmistus.
There's still some MSU, there's there's still some food, and
(27:21):
everyone's played, So why don't just get that? That's that's
what you do. You push away and you don't be
a piggy. Well, then don't put that much food in
your play if you're not gonna eat it. Did you
want to take all this home? Okay? Alright, alright, what's happened?
I don't want to? Oh because I don't have a home.
Right now? Will they let us take home to push?
If you have a home, they'll let you take something. Yeah? Wow, wow, wow, wow,
(27:44):
it's cool. It's cool. I thought there was oil underneath
my house. Okay, so I raised my house and I
dug deep and oh there wasn't any oil. Okay, well,
fucking honest mistake, Cindy. Do you still talk to Josh
at all? Or is he out of the picture completely?
What's going on? Yeah, guys were divorced, I know, But
(28:05):
do you have a conversation the time. No, we don't
have six kids. We never want to see him again,
and I never want my kids to see him either.
But he won half custody. What am I going to do?
How's everyone doing here? You know anything? Oh? You got
to containers. We're going to finish off the plates. We'll
(28:26):
finish off the plates and then whatever else is still
in the don't do this. Last time you did this,
we all threw up. And let let me give you
my condolences one time for your father, who I know
is a roasting in hell. A right, But let me
tell you, whenever he was here, when he was hearing you,
guys would have this private room, the references, the song
(28:47):
lyrics and the movie quotes would be just firing like crazy.
And I would say, now that he's gone, like I heard,
like I haven't been listening to your whole covers. I've
heard like three three references like by three different people,
like one Lord of the Rings, one kind of half
past referenced with Harry mat Sally, and then one person
(29:10):
did stand I think. So you know it's it's okay
as far as the reference is. Your father wasn't here.
It was like a rapid fire missed to release the
cracking one though. We miss him, Antonio, You're right. He
was the best. He was the best at the references,
(29:32):
and we just fall short every fucking meal. I'm just
glad you said. I'm glad somebody said it. It's embarrassed
miss him. I missed him the box stop okay. And
then and you'll take it on me to say what's
in the box. You should know what's in the boxes? Say,
(29:54):
I'm gonna say it to I'm a quick question. Were
you just in the back saying who are these guys?
See now? And now he's going right, Yeah, it's just
a little bit. Yes, you just had to be reminded
with you know, I think Josh is a pretty good guy.
Think Josh's a pretty good guy. Goddamn it, come on,
(30:17):
do you think he's a pretty good guy? What? What?
What about him? And what he did to me? Nobody
could do Vegas, Vegas one time a year. You get
to go to Vegas every weekend of my life. He
was like a magnet. He told me horrible things about myself.
He said, you're too short. You're he said, you're too short,
(30:40):
get in this box. And then he made me prove
howid by going into a box because you thought you
were too big for the box. Can't take and then
he a little You can't stick the bread home, eat
the red here, or or come back some other time.
But we paid for the bread. Take me out of
(31:02):
you paid for an entree. What comes my shirt from?
You can't take the bread home. I can't give away
the bread, you get it away. You can take as
much octopus. Hands off the bread. Oh my god, I
was right. Those guys are trying to take this stuff.
(31:23):
There's sucking cheating us. That's that's that's that's legal. Should
call cheating up. You're a fucking line cook, chef. It
wasn't it wasn't. I think it was a radio lab.
It was a radio it's a radio lab. Oh my god, isaake,
you know I stopped thought out those pig assholes already.
(31:46):
Oh is that so? I guess we gotta use them
coming up to me and tell me that chef. I'm sorry, chef,
I'm sorry, chef, I'm sorry. Look, we got all these
tickets and how much bread a guy the table one
that is this they get home to? Look at them?
Look up through that little window there. Look at them.
That guy's got bread out of the way. The windows, tiny, mover,
(32:08):
I can't see. Look, I can't look. If you're in
the move, I can't see here. Here here, come to
my window. You could probably see from here. It's fine.
Every window and this thing is so tiny. I can't ship.
Come to my window. I'm going to your window. I kid,
I don't know where to look. I mean, it's like
that window bigger. I could make it the window bigger. Yeah,
(32:31):
could you make the window bigger. The only person's working
around here, Zeke and me cut I love everybody. Somebody
just ship okay away. We gotta throw everything out of here.
(32:53):
We gotta gotta you gotta cancel everything, cancel the ticket.
Tell everyone they gotta go home, Tell everyone they gotta
go home. Well, I don't know. I don't talk to
every when I get home. It would be my pleasure.
Let me go out there, and tell him they gotta
go all right, all right, you guys, you gotta get
out of here. You closing, closing. You don't have to
(33:23):
go home, but you can't stay here. Yeah yeah, my father.
Let me tell some right now. My father was captain
of a starship for thirteen seconds. He saved seventy thou
lives and he's burning, and he's burning in hell. They
were bad the star Trek reboot. That is yeah, I thought,
(33:45):
so that's that's obscure. I don't care what you guys saying.
I need you to get up and get out of
here because there's some there's a there's an issue in
the kitchen, and it's an emergency. I need to cook, right,
you're a cook, yeah, little line cook. Do you know
what they call a quarter pounder in France? Uh? I
(34:06):
don't know. I don't know. It looks like somebody just
stop up a fix kind So, Josh, I think you
should slow down. Man, You gotta you gotta pick your
kids up in a little bit, all right. Ship her
(34:31):
glass short? My wife is too short, x wife, xife.
She used to fix in a fit fit in a box,
you know what? I could fit her in a box dude,
I mean, anyone can fit in a box. A box.
Where are you going? Where are you going? I'm gonna
get out of here, man, early. Yeah. Man, we've been
(34:53):
up for like twenty hours. Dude, like I got sex kids,
I know. Man. Man, look dude, I'm just gonna leave
this pizza here and I'm alright. Man, Hey, have you
talked to her? It won't talk to me? Well, how
have you tried to talk to her? When I pick
(35:16):
up the kids? I mean beyond that, like the text
or call her writer? Start thinking about doing that? Man,
what you like her? You like her? Or something like
what's going on here? You like her? She? Come on, man,
come on, man, just relax. Man, I did I have
been Man, I've been doing it the whole time. Man,
(35:38):
I gotta go. I was full of glass. I know
that was a ship in the glass, you snorted. Man,
I don't know how you did that? All right, man,
I see all right, we're my keys. Man. Oh but
I don't know. Come on, man, did you put him
in a little a little like a stuff? The animal?
You showed him up? And I gotta look for through
(36:00):
the stuff. They don't damn it, dude, shit grow huge man,
stuff row biggest ship. I don't know what, use the force,
you know what what? I gotta go, man, I gotta
go to work. Your dad will be here any minute
(36:20):
to pick you kids up, So please just have all
your backpacks ready. One. Okay, where's your mom? Your dad's
picking up today? Look at the it's two. Say so,
how come our mom doesn't drople song? Listen? I don't.
I'm just a teacher. I don't take your family sketchles.
(36:42):
You're just get picked up from school. Okay, get your
backpacks ready to let us get back on the reils.
O my, oh fuck. I did not like it in
that scene with Joey. I felt very triggered in that scene.
(37:06):
Record sorry not, it's not the octopus, it's square. Just
fucking put me over. The Scene three comes from Patron
v I P and Dimond, who wrote scenes. Suggestion. A
brand new barbecue restaurant opens up next to a failing zoo.
(37:29):
Take care and thanks. Uh so, next up, we got
the gorillas, the primates. You see him in different sizes
and shapes, but do not do not feed the well.
He's probably sleeping and or napping. There's flies all over him. Yeah.
(37:55):
The other animals are poking them a moving I'm not
gonna allow to you. A lot of these animals smell
like a feces. So the flies that come around, and
you know it's a problem, but listen, we it's a zoo,
so flies are welcome. But next you see, we're going
(38:15):
to see the panda bear. We have one. Why do
we pay for this? Guys? Why couldn't we just walk around?
Sometimes it's important tell you what's going on. Expert I am.
But in welding. He lives in a cave in the
back and no one has actually seen dependent. But he's
(38:36):
in there. We feed him and maybe he'll be the
lucky ones come out and say hello, Yeah, all right.
What part of a panda do we cut up and cook?
I don't know. I guess maybe the leg is it
like a trump, Well, muscle, wherever there's muscle. I I'm
just not seeing a lot of muscle on this panda. No,
it's I'm saying it's at you think it's skinny. I
(39:03):
don't know. I don't see anything edible up. Well, it
certainly is a mustle. There is no mussy. We can
agree on that, right. How big is your prototypical panda.
If you think this is a skinny panda, well I
usually think pandas. All right, babe, I promise you this
(39:23):
is the best barbecue you've ever had. Better be all right.
We have our typical barbecue menu, and if you guys
are looking for a special occasion, we have some off
the new specials today. Can we get a booth where
all three of us can sit on the same side,
on the same sure, Hey, don't judge us. You know
(39:44):
I wasn't judging. I also really appreciate it if like
you can just kinda give us something a little more discreet.
I'm Nikki Shits, so uh you know, wow, wow, Nikki
ships in our barbecue joint. How are you? How are you?
I'm not doing the voice and all that, but yeah,
I if you go out sign whatever, just you know,
a little discreet privacy, especially you put out during COVID
(40:05):
was really meant a lot to me. It was very
thank you, very meaningful, and I touched on a lot
of this stuff that I think a lot of us
have been going through. I don't know, I kind of
preferred bows special. But anyway, um speaking, we will take
Why would you say three? Why would you do that,
b babe? What do you want to because I'll say, babe,
after that, what why would you say that I'm talking
(40:26):
to her? Maybe I'm not calling you, babe. Maybe this
new situation has got me calling. We're looking at at him. Okay,
that's not your business. You know what, you know, maybe
I should get my own table. I'm gonna go. He
has cash, whatever you want. You're here for him, all right, No,
she's here for you, are for him. She's gonna fix us.
Who do you think I'm really here for? Don't makey
(40:50):
ship or this guy? I was making a point. Mm hmm.
Well do you want to say with me? Yeah? Okay,
Well the table for two and then one for him? Okay,
because bo had a specially that really was funny and
critic you're talking about. You wouldn't. You wouldn't because you're
(41:14):
very small. Okay, So I'm gonna put a sorry buddy,
you're gonna be at this little uh this table here.
You guys have the same booth. Well, you're one person,
but it seems like a miniature table. It is a
minature table. You're a table of one. Alright, alright, you guys,
(41:38):
this is the same booth high a health inspector. I've
been setting you different emails and all that for a
while to email. We don't do email. Um, well I
did expect the premises. Okay, do you need X or
I've find a little stuffed up that's just the zoo
(42:01):
gets me all stuff you have alluded to. Everything look
kind of adible. Oh yeah, yeah, Georgie, down here, down here,
you got my little table, my regular table. Oh I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, Jack. We got somebody at your table today.
But I mean in my table. Dad, I think that's
(42:22):
a person in an Ostrich outfit. I don't think that's
a real Ostrich. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I
mean that's kind of what a zoo is, right, Wow,
help me? Wow Dad? Can I feed it? Yeah? Of course,
I got those little pellets. Look at this. They got
a pellet gun. You can shoot it at it? Cool? Yeah?
(42:49):
Come on, get me out of here, you know, dad,
to stay at the zoo. I haven't even been thinking
about mom is playing crash, not even once. M Oh
my gosh, she did die. You know, I'm actually having
a lot of trouble. I thought, like I think that
(43:11):
my boyfriends wanted just like a one time threesome, and
that I have then like kind of put myself in
the mix. I'm I'm asserting myself into the relationship as
if it's more than it is. Can you give me
just like a warning as to when you're going to
rip the wax off? Sorry it's a Polish wax. We don't,
(43:33):
we don't, we don't warn Oh okay, just my normal
lady gives me a bit of a warning. Well, you know,
if you want it the way that it's done in
crack Ow, this is how this is. Anyways, what's you're
you're in a you're in a throuble right now? What's
what's going on? That's what I you know, that's what
I thought, Like, that's what I thought. And then the
(43:54):
vibe is coming off as as that that we're not
a throuble and that I'm kind of and that's most
of it right there, that's most of it. Well, it's incredible.
I thought that was going to rip off some hard hardware.
Some heard some personal hardware. Hi, Nikki, I'm just here
(44:17):
to get my stuff. And also, congratulations, I heard about lenaries.
You two will be very happy. I'll describe these bags. Yeah,
you can come in. Are you gonna like say hello
to me? Are you gonna talking me to the fucking intercom?
Is she here? Is the nearest the narrow here? Great,
(44:40):
she's here. Hi, Lannaries, it's Larry. You probably heard of
me or maybe not? Maybe not? Describe my stuff. I'll
be out in one sec. You know we used to
be in love Nikky and I. Yeah, good luck with that.
He's the number one star, Larry. Hey, you're here to
eat your stuff. I want to take the cup and leave.
(45:02):
I want the cup in the bag. I want to
bag the bag is mine? No, take the cup and leave? Okay,
I will by the narrow by Nikki by. Let me
just say, Richard, there's a there's a health inspector here.
(45:25):
We gotta get We are so fucked, we are so fun.
We just got this ostrich too that we were gonna
cut up. Oh my god, we're gonna give shut down.
I was just scraping some of the felt off of
the outside of the Ostrich, which is felt. I don't
I don't know whatever it is. It feels like it
(45:47):
feels like felt. Are you sure it's not just for?
It could be I must be ostrich for but it
feels like feels like felt alight put like put like
so far, I'm just looking for the bathroom. What's go on? Nothing? Nothing? Oh?
(46:10):
Is that? What? Why are there no feathers on the Ostrich?
It's not an Ostrich, it's not an Austro. It's just
it's a big big turkey becauys what barbecue joint with?
What cut up ostrich? As Ostrich is not like an
illegal animal? But why I just no feathers? It's so strange? Uh?
I just did to uh go into the restroom. Do
(46:30):
you know where that is? Do we know where the
restroom is? It's only for it's only for customers, for customers. Yeah, sorry, sorry,
I have a health and spetro. I have to see it, right.
I could just I could start in this room if
you want. Oh, this is not probably the best room
(46:51):
to start. Maybe outside, like the perimeter already already did
I flagged some stuff? Oh? Really, what's your flag? You
have some oil leak? It's just like there's some pipe
that's just well, that's that's that's actually we wanted that.
It's we've got oil into this building and we strugg
(47:18):
It's kind of a perkose of the I don't know
gonna be able to Actually, how's the restaurant if you're gonna,
you know, be options right now, because you know, we've
got a moderately successful barbecue place. Plus we've got we've
got a live oil well directly below the building, so well,
those tubes are gonna come inside and they're gonna poison
as people with they're eating. So we haven't been to
(47:39):
dinner all together in a really long time. So before
we eat, I just want to say thank you all
for being here again, and good God, Johnny, do not
ask us for money again. Do not ask us for
money again. We know that you lost your business, but
again you decided to drill for oil in the middle
(48:03):
of a property that you own, and that's not on us,
and I just wanted to clear that up before we eat.
Maybe I should cancel my order? What'd your order? Well,
I gotta drink. Why are you canceling your order because
I can't ask for money? And that that kind of
(48:24):
blew the we were talking. Okay, I gotta cookies and
gream milk shape coming in you. Well see, I thought
when when you told your story it sounded like it
was working out really good lifting things up? Did you
start a business so everyone gave him money? Well, he
(48:45):
he had a good idea and he never asked for
that was what what was your idea? Was that a
barbecue place? Yeah, so you're just dealing my idea. But
but listen to but listen to how he refills the meat.
Tell him WHOA? I don't know if I like, we
we fulfill. We've got a relationship with no one ordered
(49:08):
the jake. I don't know who don't? Okay, fine, I
drink your milkshake, saying three show who uh bastard in
the basket? Uh? Nicely done, everyone, and thank you so
damn much for being here. Let's start our thank you
(49:30):
and goodbyes with miss Jackie. Thank you. Yes, and folks
wanted to find your wares that should go to Instagram
and look for you exactly. I'm at Jackie d ruthy
and comedy spelled like it sounds to be honest. I
think it's okay to be honest. Thank you. Yeah, in
(49:50):
this environment, in these times, if I can't be honest,
what do we have? That's right? Thank you for having me.
It's always so fun. Uh, please come back immediately. James Ceney,
would you also like to say something honest and truthful? Well, yes,
honest and truthful. Um, thanks for having me. Here's an honest,
(50:11):
truthful thing unrelated. Uh, I read the first half of
Forrest Gump. God, it's really good. Thank you guys for
suggesting it last week. I'm gonna finish it and give
my full review next week. Finde me here. That's uh,
that's a great share. We we thank you for that.
Chris Alvarado, honest and truthful. I'm trying to build my chest,
(50:39):
um fair, I'm trying to build my chest. I've always
been somebody that dabbled in in you know, the gym,
I trying to work out of the healthy eat right,
But I've never I've always had like a boy's body,
and I want to have a chest. So I'm really
working on the chest for you. But it's honest and
it's truthful. I appreciate that very much. Happy to be here,
(51:01):
Craig Kowski, thank you so damn much. You're welcome. So
this this is what I got. I've got Ah, I've
got a regional commercial running right now for Spectrum, running
on running running on cable cable commercials. No biggie, it's
you know, but it must have just expanded to new markets, because,
like I've been getting a bunch of messages lately with
people that have seen it, and because I get Google
(51:22):
alerts on my name. I was taking to a little
website called the Alchemy of This Pod subreddit where somebody
had written a post I think trying to congratulate me
on the Spectrum spot and it says way to go Craig,
but they spelled it s r R E c t
U M or sir rectum. And so rather than congratulate
(51:48):
me on the prevalence of my spectrum commercial, you've just
called me sir w rectum, which if anyone deserves that nickname,
it's it's Kevin. I think that's fair. That's truly fair.
And keep those redded comments coming, is the takeaway? Yeah,
(52:11):
Joey great, Thank you so damn much as always for
being your terrifically weird self. Thank you for having me.
And Chris just want to say, if you want any
pointers on chess, I mean, just talk to me, man, Like, Okay,
our Patreon uh users right there, they'll see this video,
(52:32):
is that right? Yes? So so? But the rest of
us who are just listening. They don't they don't know
what's going on. Took his shirt off and he is flexing.
He's ripped, ripped. It's unfair to the others who don't
have the ability to use graphics. Let's thank our producer
(52:55):
of the Stars, Mr Doug Baine. It's five folks that
I heart media. Bump bump up. I'm host Kevin Pollacker,
minding you please be kind to each other and until
next time,
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. There, I'm your host,
Kevin Pollock. Is that Kevin Pollock? Yes, it's the one
from the TV. Yeah, also from the Okay, but I digress.
Let's meet our Achamy, shall we? In no particular order.
Let's quickly checking with Craigkowsky for his rules for after
labor day account. Kevin, no white, No white number one,
(00:29):
number one, no white number two? Uh, no white, okay anything?
No white wine, people, no white You're gonna take the
no white pants, no white shoes a little further. Yeah,
let's go all the way with it. I mean, I'm
(00:50):
not even sure it's been no white shoes for a
very very long time, but certainly I feel it's still
no white pants, right yeah, yeah, no white nderwear, which
I think a lot of people forget. And uh, I
understand that this fall, you know, a lot of venues
are gonna be checking you know, because they're checking your
your results, your test results, uh for COVID, they're gonna
(01:13):
be checking your underwear as well. So your picture as
you could just point to the one area that's not
ever white. Thank you, Craig, and now say hello to
Chris Alvarado. Becoming film savvy. What films for your summer?
From your summer can you recommend? As we enter the fall, Wow,
(01:34):
there's this real sleeper indie hit that I just saw
for the first time. It came out in Um, I
believe it's cold. I don't know how to pronounce it.
Pulp fiction, pulp fiction. If you haven't seen this movie,
I really recommend it. Like I said, I just saw
it for the first time. It's got this got a
couple of couple of good actors in there. Um, you
(01:55):
might know John Travolta, he's in that movie, Samuel L. Jackson,
among others. Um, I really recommend that quick spoil alert.
What's in the briefcase? Well, um, according to the Internet,
it's his soul. His soul. Also, I only owned two
pair of white underwear, and when I put them on,
I feel, I feel nice. Okay, I just want to
(02:19):
say that that's pretty good. Hey, let's all cheer Jackie
Gonzalas truth. Yeah, oh my god, funnier now than then.
Favorite footwear and why well, I have to say I
had to get like a very specific kind of sneaker
because I had this foot, this ongoing foot injury. That's
(02:40):
still with me. Um, And my pediatrist was like, gave
me all of these rules. She didn't say brands, but
she was like, it must you know, fulfill these qualifications.
And based on all of that, my ideal sneaker is
a Jordan's. Unfortunate is that I'm not a hype beast,
(03:03):
not going to have spend like on a pair of Jordan's,
but now I want to. I love them so much.
I found my minor kids kids Jordan because I couldn't
find one that I enjoyed, uh in in at the
store that I was at that were that were women's
But lucky me, my feet are tiny, so Jordan's I
(03:24):
want so many. I want to just get myself a
new pair for like every holiday, and I haven't done
that yet, but I don't think a holiday has passed yet.
You know, the gift giving one really quick? Kevin, can
you just for the listeners I noted is can you
define what a hype beast is? Yes? Much like tiny feet,
(03:44):
tiny penis. Uh James with his size seven just perked up.
What now? Hype Beasts are people that are like obsessed
with sneakers and like like sneaker drops and like special,
like very exclusive. Only three of these sneakers were made
(04:06):
and they're like wrapped in plastic and they go to
like sneak cons Like it's a whole, it's a it's
a culture, and I'm there aesthetically, but I'm not there financially.
Even if I was there financially, I would never spend
that much money on a pair. Well she never say
never a and also too Uh when you get that
(04:29):
first pair and you've paid too much, I believe a
problem will in fact follow. Yeah, the curse. You know,
it's it's like it's human. You have a taste. Do
you have something that you've done this with? You've gone
down the hole? What about Jamie has a nice shoes?
(04:51):
Right Vin? She might shut up? Shut up? You know what.
I know what I've said too much. I might have
specifically gone to a store in Milan, Uh the last
time I was there and point and go those Now
they have a sketcher story. Why wouldn't shoot pal? Hey,
(05:15):
there's James Heeny, Jimmy J. J Henson. Does your family
even know you're doing this podcast? You know what? It's
crazy they don't. I think my my mom and my
family seen me to improv maybe my whole life three times.
One of the times was in high school, and uh,
my balls showed on stage, and I think that that
(05:38):
kind of that kind of made it so that they
never came and watched what happened. Don't you ask for
the check yet? I am serious. I was playing a
short form game called World's Worst and it was World's
Worst Plumber, and I pulled my pants down kind of
like to the crack. But the problem was I used
to wear really baggy pants and when I bent over,
the all the way down. So it's like my family
(05:58):
never came back. You wanted to show the crack, you
ended up showing your nuts, and I think somewhere along
the voyage, uh, your balloon tie might have also been shared.
You know, I didn't know until a while afterwards that
my my family saw my balls. I knew that I
got in trouble for showing my ash, but when I
found out that my grandma was, like my mom told
(06:20):
me one time that my grandma did not like that show,
it was it was tough. They won't even they won't
even listen to the podcast for fear that they might
see my balls. So I'm so sorry. A balloon tie.
You want to circle back to the asterisk. Is that
what we're calling up dick? No, no, no, that's so
(06:44):
many you know what. At first, that's what I thought.
That is what I was thinking. But now that I think,
I think you said, that's perfect, that's perfect, makes sense?
Is that what we're calling it? Just like al right,
(07:05):
this uh, this episode will come with a disclaimer in
a warning keep the kids, uh, put the kids to bed,
and then give a listen. And last but not nearly
enough with Sabby for you if you think them least.
It's Joey Greer keeping with this theme, not knowing it
was coming. Bifurcated anis what would you like to say
to that teacher in school who just didn't get you?
(07:28):
I'd like to sit them down. Now, I'd like to well,
I'd like to go out to a nice steak bar,
you know, go to nice bar, absolutely, sit them down
and just have a conversation as adults. And then about
you know, third of the way into the conversation, I'm
gonna have one of my buddies come up to me
and uh, I'm gonna my buddy come up to me
(07:52):
and tap me on the shoulder and go, excuse me, sir,
your car is being told and I'm gonna go are
you serious? And go yeah, do you drive that rule
Royce Lamborghini? And I go, yes, I do. And uh.
Then if you gotta get out there quick, they're gonna
they're gonna to it. So that's the way you rub
it in the teacher's face is by having a friends
say you're Lamborghini rolls Races. That's pretty fucking baller. I
(08:14):
had never thought of that. All of our scene suggestions
to gather from your list of emails, or they come
in from our Patreon v I p s who get priority?
What's that you say, Well, that's just how it works.
To become a patron support of the show and enjoy
exclusive content, including stand alone bonus scenes that's right just
for you, video of our recording sessions, and at the
(08:35):
highest level support of the Alcomaniac, you'll have a chance
to join one of these very zoom sessions as we record,
you'll be muted. Okay, just head on over to patron
dot com slash almy. If you'd like a bit of
scene suggested by email, please write to the podcast our
email address Alchemy. This email at gmail dot com once
(08:57):
again that what seen one constant patron v I P.
Lawrence Stewart, who wrote, you are all more than welcome
to call me Larry. Okay, so we had an issue
with before you remember this James good because he's about
(09:18):
to address you in this missive. He goes on, also,
James Michael equals Mike. Jonathan equals Jonathan, excuse me equals John.
Samuel equals Sam. Lawrence equals Larry. Well, I never knew that,
you know. I feel like I feel like that's not
(09:39):
a given. I feel like Lawrence could be a lot
of different things. So well, Larry could, let's express go ahead?
What else you got like? Liam? Larry could? Uh? Lark Larry?
I like Lark short for Lawrence. Alright, Well, okay, I
(10:01):
just I guess I just didn't ever. I've never really
met many Larries, and I certainly have met fewer Lawrences.
Have you ever said in life, hey, Lair? Hold up?
Wait up, no, because I would be the super abrieve. Uh.
Lawrence goes on to say a wonderful day evening to
you all. PS. Just for the hell of it, here's
(10:22):
a scene suggestion salth Paolo the city in Brazil. Thank
you all? As always? Am I saying it wrong? Salth
Paolo South Bolo this baby, I get it. Just this,
relax the beach. They don't need to hear you. You're right,
(10:44):
You're right, relax right, you're right. Yes, what either of
you'd like to purchase some shells? Shells for saying you
necklace ear rings? Shoot, well, well let's just see what
they got. This is yeah, I've got on Ryan, Let's
(11:05):
see shell shake a joke, This is a big This
is a joke. Guy, Baby, did you right now? You
want to just tell jokes with somebody? Larry? Come on?
Oh now it's Larry. So I'm in trouble. So I'm
in trouble. You know what I could swing by a
(11:25):
little later. You took what room? Are you? Guys the earth?
The most famous stand up comedian in the world, and
you're telling me you want to spend twenty minutes. I'm
not nicky shit here? Okay, then, y I'm Nicholas Shitzman. Okay,
(11:48):
just okay. Why every time we go out you bring
up that I'm this massive stand up Give us a ship.
It's paying for all those I don't care. That's fun,
that's what I like to do. This is what I
want to do. I want to be here. Okay, well
you want to be somewhere else, you know what? Maybe
maybe maybe the concierge is right. Oh my god, is
(12:08):
that is that Nikki Shits over there? Oh? I'm such
a huge fan. Go introduce yourself. You think so he's
on vacation. I shouldn't, should I Look, we're both Americans
and sal Paolo. What are the odds? I don't know.
I don't know. I mean, you can't common ground with him.
(12:31):
You have what you have them every you have every
Nikki Shit special on VHS. I do, including several that
came out after the advent of VHS. We had to
get them transferred onto VHS. Well it's otherwise it's not
a collection exactly. Well, okay, you don't think it's gonna
I don't mean I don't want to create. Okay, Yeah,
(12:52):
I'm gonna do it. Hey, would folks like some shells?
I got shelves as a necklace, earrings, shoes, sandwich, know
what a simple Trust me, you're gonna want the Brazilian wax.
It's gonna make you feel like you're in some pow. Okay,
so let me just go nuts on the area. If
you trust me, I do, I do. Yeah? How many
(13:16):
years have I been waxing you? How many? Linares? You
look so young? Don't do that to yourself, to yourself.
I didn't when you told me that you were forty two,
I was shocked. Don't tell a soul rever. None of
my friends know who you are. I know what none
(13:38):
know who you are, Linari. None of your friends know
who I am. None of my friends know who you are.
It is it is like beautician patients, not patient, but
you know, like beautician customer confidentiality. Like I'm all up
in your business. I cannot tell people that I know
you that you can say something to somebody like I had,
(13:58):
like this client that was so fucking hard cool. Yeah,
but like they don't know exactly who you're, right, They
don't know that you're Linares de Naro. They don't know
everything about what is this? Like? Why do you hided me?
I'm not trying to hide it you Okay, I'm just
trying to listen. Maybe we should keep this just a
professional relationship. Maybe I should just watch the coach and
(14:21):
move on. Okay, great, Yeah, maybe that's exactly what we
should do. That's exactly it. Because I don't even know
if I want to be in a situation where someone
you're angry, Lannis, I don't want to do this. If
you're angry, it's not gonna come out right. It's gonna
hurt you more because they're gonna hurt me. No, I
don't want to hurt it you. I don't want to
hurt it you. I'm telling you that if you're going
(14:42):
in with that kind of attitude, it is probably gonna
hurt it more. I'm trying to avoid that. You know.
You know, at least maybe I should go see somebody else.
Maybe I don't want to be Brazilian? Are you kidding
me right now? Do you know? First No, I'm not joking.
I'm not suking nicky shits. Wow, wow, you know that. Well,
(15:04):
you were wise to get a second opinion because you
don't created Brazilian is a popular wax. But I think
you know, going Polish wax is uh. You know, it's
first of all, it's cheaper, uh, and uh, you know
I'm going to address the same areas. It's just not
gonna be quite the same cut, you know, because we
were different, different bathing suits, and what is up without
(15:26):
It's like boiling onions. Oh I I'm making parogui later. Okay,
so I'm boiling some money. Is not gonna stuff the
parougey with onions and uh and mushrooms. The way is
thinking like this kitchen is like is this your office?
Or like what is the minor homes? It's it's a
little all purpose dan. How the onions coming? All right?
(15:48):
They're they're they're coming along, they're coming good. All right?
Do you take talk about your clients? No? No, I
mean you know I I uh like, I mean you
would tell me, not for not he would tell me.
I would tell stashe should be the first nobody to know.
But you wouldn't talk about like me anyway. Your friends
are like family or No, that's that's no. I think
(16:13):
I'm gonna go see someone else. I'd like to send
the shell shake over to the two that are over
there in those lawn chairs. I don't think their lawn
chairs bathing chairs, sun bathing chairs. Oh gosh, I'm so nervous. Okay,
you want to send two shell shakes? No, just one
to to the channel. That's nicky. That's nicky shits. I
(16:36):
don't know what that means. But you're talking about the
chase lounges by the pool. Is that what they're called? Yes,
those the chase chase lounges, chase lounges. This is our
first time over. This is exciting. I tell them it's
from us. Okay, So we're good. We're in a good place. Yeah,
(16:59):
we are. I know we're in a beautiful situation. I
just want you to appreciate it. I really don't know
what causes these fights. I don't like Larry. I'm really
trying to figure this out. I thought this trip was
gonna bond us. It's probably my own insecurities. I'm being honest,
and I don't want that to cause a rift between us.
(17:21):
Well it is, it's because a huge fucking rift. Okay,
just you know what. The hotel has a world. So
what how can you love me? How could you love me? Oh?
My god, Larry, how do you know me? You gotta
love yourself first? Alright? Imp Okay, great, you know what
(17:43):
I'm gonna I'm gonna take a walk. Okay, you have
cash you gotta give me. I'm so sorry. Interrupted, We're good.
I don't want any shells. Okay, this was for you,
Mr ship stof Ski. Uhman, this is a shell shake
and it was bought by that gentleman over there, the
one with the crazy eyes that's staring and is there
(18:06):
only one? He bought one from this gentleman. I'm so sorry,
but he just bought one. But that's on him. Hi,
we're American too. Oh you're awesome. Thank you, thank you
so much for thank you, thank you for the shake.
Appreciate you. No, you're not thank you, thank you, appreciate
I have a great time in Stopaul come over there.
(18:28):
But one I did not want to see him come
over there. I could listen. I can listen to the
Joey Jackie fucking Day. I'm I'm with you, DeNiro. That
was crazy. You guys want to hear a crazy story.
(18:48):
This is an inappropriate time to tell this because you're
supposed to give me the second Sorry, but no, good lady.
I did have like a regular waxer when I lived
in Miami, and then I moved out here and I
made friends with a dude, Philip Molina. He's in the
comedy community. Guess what his sister was in Miami. He
(19:08):
out here and when I met him, because she had
told me about her brother. It was out here and
she had told me her brother who moved to l
A who went to us. So then when I met
and I knew his name because of her, And when
I met him, I was like, wait a second, is
your sister blank? And he was like yeah. I was like,
Coco coose you want with me? Yeah? If you ever
need to know anything about my tiny, tiny penis, you
(19:28):
can ask your sister. Seeing two comes from listener John
Let's spell j O N. James if you're okay with that?
Who wrote Hey Kevin? My suggestion as someone who is
always trying to bring song lyrics and or movie quotes
into conversations appropriate or not looking forward to seeing what
(19:53):
all of you do with that, and just wanted to
add that rule is my favorite brownie? Okay, John from
near San Antonio, get you pass me the spaghetti I
just got. It's just not that often that we all
get to be here, you know, breaking bread, and I'm
just so happy we do it, even if it's just
(20:17):
great parmesan. If you got they only have whatever that
blog is, um, But that's it. I'm done talking. I'm
done duck, and i'd let's see, let's see. Hey, we're
all Look, we're all family, and we don't get to
see each other a lot. This is nice, This is
(20:39):
this is nice. I'll just say it, all right, I'm
digging in. I'm digging before we before ead ead. I
know they're all hungry, but we're all family and we
don't get to see each other a lot, and we're
here and we're seeing each other and it's so amazing.
And I just want to say your support throughout this
past year has really meant a lot to me with
the divorce and everything. I just I felt like you
(20:59):
guys would be out at me, and you weren't. I
just felt like that meant a lot to me because
I always felt like maybe a little bit of black
sheep of the family. Oh no, not past the spaghetti
to me. I'm sorry for interrupting. Could you pass that spaghetti? Wait? What? Yeah?
Go ahead and go ahead and go ahead. Sorry, thank you, Danny?
(21:22):
What then? What I was just looking at? I just
I'm hungry. I don't want to interrupt the speeches. Sorry,
thank you for the spaghetti. Listen, it wasn't your fault
and that was the whole thing, and that was beautiful.
All right. While you were talking, I was thinking, I'll
have what cheese having? But let's see what's up. Let's
(21:46):
let's see all right. I think we should thank you Lord,
Thank you Lord, thank you Lord, blessings, thank you Lord,
thank you are thinking? Well, that's also hold on, I
mean someone's might not be Christian here. Let's I'm sorry.
I didn't mean you. I didn't Earth Earth Earth Mother,
thank you. Okay, all right, Okay, oh my god, this
(22:10):
is a sauce. This is a sauce. Nice sauce. M
I was thinking maybe tomorrow we can go for a
walk in the park. I don't know. We have this weekend.
That might be nice, just to kind of let's park.
There's a couple of different parks. Did I'm sorry? Can
we just all just be quiet and eat? No? Oh,
(22:30):
can we just be quiet and eat for a little bit.
So it's been in Watson' we've all been here to
eat together. Okay, like old times, we didn't talk. Let's
just not talk. An insane and we were afraid to
talk because he might lose his ship on one of us. Okay,
he's dead, he's dead now, Yeah, he's gone, so we
(22:51):
don't have to eat in silence. But sure, let's do
that because you're the oldest. That's good. I'm sorry. I'm
so so sorry, Leo. Can you chew less loud? It's
hard for me to enjoy my meal when I'm listening
to you? Well, I didn't. Is anybody else feel the
(23:16):
same way? I mean, first of all, I want to comment,
what do you mean? What do you mean? I didn't?
You didn't what you didn't? Close your fucking mouth? Okay,
all right, all right, hey, hey, get off, listen. All right,
we're gonna have here go and you know what else?
(23:39):
Is it dead? Talking right now when we're eating? By it? Okay? Normal?
For so can we please act like all the other families? Well,
I got the side room, so I think they're gonna
give us a little space. How's everyone doing? Okay, had time?
Having a great time? Thank you? I'm telling you. More
(24:01):
bread here, more bread, more bread? Yeah? Bread? Everybody want bread?
And let's get it some more. Can we get some
more of that octopus? Yeah? Yeah? Well keep him coming.
It's uh, it's a never ending octopus? Is the ape?
In that case, Antonio wouldn't be octopi. No, octopuses is
actually the correct plural. Okay, thanks for that. Where is
(24:25):
the older man that usually uh sits here? He's he's gone.
Well I put them a foot in it then, and
uh no, no, it's fine. He's burning in hell. He's
burning in hell. He's burning in hell. I mean we
assume that because you believe in God. Oh yes, very much,
very much. So you probably believe in heaven in hell.
(24:47):
I do believe in heaven and hell. So our father
is definitely in hell. Okay, some of us don't believe
in that. Well that's Christian or not. He's in hell,
so okay, so we keep that octopus coming and release
the cracking. Please keep it coming. I don't know what
you want me to do this. How much octopus can
these fucking people eat? All right? I can't cook ordered
the never ending octopus for two d dollars? Okays, not
(25:09):
gonna cover the gun damn cautious octopus? But what the fuck?
Is it possible they're sharing it at the like? Does
do they all get as much as they can eat?
Is it possible that maybe they're cheating it? Have you
watched them? It's a lot of octopus look, it is
bottomless octopus. Okay, is what they ordered. I go back
to the table. There's no octopus on the table anymore, Chef.
(25:30):
I know it's not my place to speak, chef, but
I heard a segment on This American Life, that that
news program on NPR where they said it's hard people
can't tell the difference between and this is true pigginess
an octopus. Oh really, Oh thank go holy ship, Let's
just use all that fucking piggies. I got me back.
(25:52):
I've been saying, what are you doing? What am I
gonna get pigae? Should I thought out? The pig ainies
is thought out? Yeah, you know, if we got some
thought out that episode about it. I forget what the
theme was, but they were. But they even did a
(26:12):
test at the end, like Calamari, and they did actual
Calamari and then actual pig ainis cal is an octopus?
I know, I know calamar is an octopus is squid. Okay,
but the listeners won't know that, all right, the listeners
are going to think that. It just feels like you're
going off the rails right now. Yeah, a little bit, okay,
(26:33):
because I'm I'm I'm almost a war correspondent, and now
I'm doing got them. You know you were a war
corse part I talked to people who were at war. Yes,
that doesn't correspond with war. Okay, yeah, like this is
PRX okay, Public Radio International, Yeah, Portland, I know, listen,
if we can get them to have some pig ainy
(26:57):
and maybe they think it's sucked the pus or whatever. Wait, wait,
don't tell me. Okay, we clicking clack over here anyway,
all right, I am fool Yeah, maybe a little little turmistus.
There's still some MSU, there's there's still some food, and
(27:21):
everyone's played, So why don't just get that? That's that's
what you do. You push away and you don't be
a piggy. Well, then don't put that much food in
your play if you're not gonna eat it. Did you
want to take all this home? Okay? Alright, alright, what's happened?
I don't want to? Oh because I don't have a home.
Right now? Will they let us take home to push?
If you have a home, they'll let you take something. Yeah? Wow, wow, wow, wow,
(27:44):
it's cool. It's cool. I thought there was oil underneath
my house. Okay, so I raised my house and I
dug deep and oh there wasn't any oil. Okay, well,
fucking honest mistake, Cindy. Do you still talk to Josh
at all? Or is he out of the picture completely?
What's going on? Yeah, guys were divorced, I know, But
(28:05):
do you have a conversation the time. No, we don't
have six kids. We never want to see him again,
and I never want my kids to see him either.
But he won half custody. What am I going to do?
How's everyone doing here? You know anything? Oh? You got
to containers. We're going to finish off the plates. We'll
(28:26):
finish off the plates and then whatever else is still
in the don't do this. Last time you did this,
we all threw up. And let let me give you
my condolences one time for your father, who I know
is a roasting in hell. A right, But let me
tell you, whenever he was here, when he was hearing you,
guys would have this private room, the references, the song
(28:47):
lyrics and the movie quotes would be just firing like crazy.
And I would say, now that he's gone, like I heard,
like I haven't been listening to your whole covers. I've
heard like three three references like by three different people,
like one Lord of the Rings, one kind of half
past referenced with Harry mat Sally, and then one person
(29:10):
did stand I think. So you know it's it's okay
as far as the reference is. Your father wasn't here.
It was like a rapid fire missed to release the
cracking one though. We miss him, Antonio, You're right. He
was the best. He was the best at the references,
(29:32):
and we just fall short every fucking meal. I'm just
glad you said. I'm glad somebody said it. It's embarrassed
miss him. I missed him the box stop okay. And
then and you'll take it on me to say what's
in the box. You should know what's in the boxes? Say,
(29:54):
I'm gonna say it to I'm a quick question. Were
you just in the back saying who are these guys?
See now? And now he's going right, Yeah, it's just
a little bit. Yes, you just had to be reminded
with you know, I think Josh is a pretty good guy.
Think Josh's a pretty good guy. Goddamn it, come on,
(30:17):
do you think he's a pretty good guy? What? What?
What about him? And what he did to me? Nobody
could do Vegas, Vegas one time a year. You get
to go to Vegas every weekend of my life. He
was like a magnet. He told me horrible things about myself.
He said, you're too short. You're he said, you're too short,
(30:40):
get in this box. And then he made me prove
howid by going into a box because you thought you
were too big for the box. Can't take and then
he a little You can't stick the bread home, eat
the red here, or or come back some other time.
But we paid for the bread. Take me out of
(31:02):
you paid for an entree. What comes my shirt from?
You can't take the bread home. I can't give away
the bread, you get it away. You can take as
much octopus. Hands off the bread. Oh my god, I
was right. Those guys are trying to take this stuff.
(31:23):
There's sucking cheating us. That's that's that's that's legal. Should
call cheating up. You're a fucking line cook, chef. It
wasn't it wasn't. I think it was a radio lab.
It was a radio it's a radio lab. Oh my god, isaake,
you know I stopped thought out those pig assholes already.
(31:46):
Oh is that so? I guess we gotta use them
coming up to me and tell me that chef. I'm sorry, chef,
I'm sorry, chef, I'm sorry. Look, we got all these
tickets and how much bread a guy the table one
that is this they get home to? Look at them?
Look up through that little window there. Look at them.
That guy's got bread out of the way. The windows, tiny, mover,
(32:08):
I can't see. Look, I can't look. If you're in
the move, I can't see here. Here here, come to
my window. You could probably see from here. It's fine.
Every window and this thing is so tiny. I can't ship.
Come to my window. I'm going to your window. I kid,
I don't know where to look. I mean, it's like
that window bigger. I could make it the window bigger. Yeah,
(32:31):
could you make the window bigger. The only person's working
around here, Zeke and me cut I love everybody. Somebody
just ship okay away. We gotta throw everything out of here.
(32:53):
We gotta gotta you gotta cancel everything, cancel the ticket.
Tell everyone they gotta go home, Tell everyone they gotta
go home. Well, I don't know. I don't talk to
every when I get home. It would be my pleasure.
Let me go out there, and tell him they gotta
go all right, all right, you guys, you gotta get
out of here. You closing, closing. You don't have to
(33:23):
go home, but you can't stay here. Yeah yeah, my father.
Let me tell some right now. My father was captain
of a starship for thirteen seconds. He saved seventy thou
lives and he's burning, and he's burning in hell. They
were bad the star Trek reboot. That is yeah, I thought,
(33:45):
so that's that's obscure. I don't care what you guys saying.
I need you to get up and get out of
here because there's some there's a there's an issue in
the kitchen, and it's an emergency. I need to cook, right,
you're a cook, yeah, little line cook. Do you know
what they call a quarter pounder in France? Uh? I
(34:06):
don't know. I don't know. It looks like somebody just
stop up a fix kind So, Josh, I think you
should slow down. Man, You gotta you gotta pick your
kids up in a little bit, all right. Ship her
(34:31):
glass short? My wife is too short, x wife, xife.
She used to fix in a fit fit in a box,
you know what? I could fit her in a box dude,
I mean, anyone can fit in a box. A box.
Where are you going? Where are you going? I'm gonna
get out of here, man, early. Yeah. Man, we've been
(34:53):
up for like twenty hours. Dude, like I got sex kids,
I know. Man. Man, look dude, I'm just gonna leave
this pizza here and I'm alright. Man, Hey, have you
talked to her? It won't talk to me? Well, how
have you tried to talk to her? When I pick
(35:16):
up the kids? I mean beyond that, like the text
or call her writer? Start thinking about doing that? Man,
what you like her? You like her? Or something like
what's going on here? You like her? She? Come on, man,
come on, man, just relax. Man, I did I have
been Man, I've been doing it the whole time. Man,
(35:38):
I gotta go. I was full of glass. I know
that was a ship in the glass, you snorted. Man,
I don't know how you did that? All right, man,
I see all right, we're my keys. Man. Oh but
I don't know. Come on, man, did you put him
in a little a little like a stuff? The animal?
You showed him up? And I gotta look for through
(36:00):
the stuff. They don't damn it, dude, shit grow huge man,
stuff row biggest ship. I don't know what, use the force,
you know what what? I gotta go, man, I gotta
go to work. Your dad will be here any minute
(36:20):
to pick you kids up, So please just have all
your backpacks ready. One. Okay, where's your mom? Your dad's
picking up today? Look at the it's two. Say so,
how come our mom doesn't drople song? Listen? I don't.
I'm just a teacher. I don't take your family sketchles.
(36:42):
You're just get picked up from school. Okay, get your
backpacks ready to let us get back on the reils.
O my, oh fuck. I did not like it in
that scene with Joey. I felt very triggered in that scene.
(37:06):
Record sorry not, it's not the octopus, it's square. Just
fucking put me over. The Scene three comes from Patron
v I P and Dimond, who wrote scenes. Suggestion. A
brand new barbecue restaurant opens up next to a failing zoo.
(37:29):
Take care and thanks. Uh so, next up, we got
the gorillas, the primates. You see him in different sizes
and shapes, but do not do not feed the well.
He's probably sleeping and or napping. There's flies all over him. Yeah.
(37:55):
The other animals are poking them a moving I'm not
gonna allow to you. A lot of these animals smell
like a feces. So the flies that come around, and
you know it's a problem, but listen, we it's a zoo,
so flies are welcome. But next you see, we're going
(38:15):
to see the panda bear. We have one. Why do
we pay for this? Guys? Why couldn't we just walk around?
Sometimes it's important tell you what's going on. Expert I am.
But in welding. He lives in a cave in the
back and no one has actually seen dependent. But he's
(38:36):
in there. We feed him and maybe he'll be the
lucky ones come out and say hello, Yeah, all right.
What part of a panda do we cut up and cook?
I don't know. I guess maybe the leg is it
like a trump, Well, muscle, wherever there's muscle. I I'm
just not seeing a lot of muscle on this panda. No,
it's I'm saying it's at you think it's skinny. I
(39:03):
don't know. I don't see anything edible up. Well, it
certainly is a mustle. There is no mussy. We can
agree on that, right. How big is your prototypical panda.
If you think this is a skinny panda, well I
usually think pandas. All right, babe, I promise you this
(39:23):
is the best barbecue you've ever had. Better be all right.
We have our typical barbecue menu, and if you guys
are looking for a special occasion, we have some off
the new specials today. Can we get a booth where
all three of us can sit on the same side,
on the same sure, Hey, don't judge us. You know
(39:44):
I wasn't judging. I also really appreciate it if like
you can just kinda give us something a little more discreet.
I'm Nikki Shits, so uh you know, wow, wow, Nikki
ships in our barbecue joint. How are you? How are you?
I'm not doing the voice and all that, but yeah,
I if you go out sign whatever, just you know,
a little discreet privacy, especially you put out during COVID
(40:05):
was really meant a lot to me. It was very
thank you, very meaningful, and I touched on a lot
of this stuff that I think a lot of us
have been going through. I don't know, I kind of
preferred bows special. But anyway, um speaking, we will take
Why would you say three? Why would you do that,
b babe? What do you want to because I'll say, babe,
after that, what why would you say that I'm talking
(40:26):
to her? Maybe I'm not calling you, babe. Maybe this
new situation has got me calling. We're looking at at him. Okay,
that's not your business. You know what, you know, maybe
I should get my own table. I'm gonna go. He
has cash, whatever you want. You're here for him, all right, No,
she's here for you, are for him. She's gonna fix us.
Who do you think I'm really here for? Don't makey
(40:50):
ship or this guy? I was making a point. Mm hmm.
Well do you want to say with me? Yeah? Okay,
Well the table for two and then one for him? Okay,
because bo had a specially that really was funny and
critic you're talking about. You wouldn't. You wouldn't because you're
(41:14):
very small. Okay, So I'm gonna put a sorry buddy,
you're gonna be at this little uh this table here.
You guys have the same booth. Well, you're one person,
but it seems like a miniature table. It is a
minature table. You're a table of one. Alright, alright, you guys,
(41:38):
this is the same booth high a health inspector. I've
been setting you different emails and all that for a
while to email. We don't do email. Um, well I
did expect the premises. Okay, do you need X or
I've find a little stuffed up that's just the zoo
(42:01):
gets me all stuff you have alluded to. Everything look
kind of adible. Oh yeah, yeah, Georgie, down here, down here,
you got my little table, my regular table. Oh I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, Jack. We got somebody at your table today.
But I mean in my table. Dad, I think that's
(42:22):
a person in an Ostrich outfit. I don't think that's
a real Ostrich. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I
mean that's kind of what a zoo is, right, Wow,
help me? Wow Dad? Can I feed it? Yeah? Of course,
I got those little pellets. Look at this. They got
a pellet gun. You can shoot it at it? Cool? Yeah?
(42:49):
Come on, get me out of here, you know, dad,
to stay at the zoo. I haven't even been thinking
about mom is playing crash, not even once. M Oh
my gosh, she did die. You know, I'm actually having
a lot of trouble. I thought, like I think that
(43:11):
my boyfriends wanted just like a one time threesome, and
that I have then like kind of put myself in
the mix. I'm I'm asserting myself into the relationship as
if it's more than it is. Can you give me
just like a warning as to when you're going to
rip the wax off? Sorry it's a Polish wax. We don't,
(43:33):
we don't, we don't warn Oh okay, just my normal
lady gives me a bit of a warning. Well, you know,
if you want it the way that it's done in
crack Ow, this is how this is. Anyways, what's you're
you're in a you're in a throuble right now? What's
what's going on? That's what I you know, that's what
I thought, Like, that's what I thought. And then the
(43:54):
vibe is coming off as as that that we're not
a throuble and that I'm kind of and that's most
of it right there, that's most of it. Well, it's incredible.
I thought that was going to rip off some hard hardware.
Some heard some personal hardware. Hi, Nikki, I'm just here
(44:17):
to get my stuff. And also, congratulations, I heard about lenaries.
You two will be very happy. I'll describe these bags. Yeah,
you can come in. Are you gonna like say hello
to me? Are you gonna talking me to the fucking intercom?
Is she here? Is the nearest the narrow here? Great,
(44:40):
she's here. Hi, Lannaries, it's Larry. You probably heard of
me or maybe not? Maybe not? Describe my stuff. I'll
be out in one sec. You know we used to
be in love Nikky and I. Yeah, good luck with that.
He's the number one star, Larry. Hey, you're here to
eat your stuff. I want to take the cup and leave.
(45:02):
I want the cup in the bag. I want to
bag the bag is mine? No, take the cup and leave? Okay,
I will by the narrow by Nikki by. Let me
just say, Richard, there's a there's a health inspector here.
(45:25):
We gotta get We are so fucked, we are so fun.
We just got this ostrich too that we were gonna
cut up. Oh my god, we're gonna give shut down.
I was just scraping some of the felt off of
the outside of the Ostrich, which is felt. I don't
I don't know whatever it is. It feels like it
(45:47):
feels like felt. Are you sure it's not just for?
It could be I must be ostrich for but it
feels like feels like felt alight put like put like
so far, I'm just looking for the bathroom. What's go on? Nothing? Nothing? Oh?
(46:10):
Is that? What? Why are there no feathers on the Ostrich?
It's not an Ostrich, it's not an Austro. It's just
it's a big big turkey becauys what barbecue joint with?
What cut up ostrich? As Ostrich is not like an
illegal animal? But why I just no feathers? It's so strange? Uh?
I just did to uh go into the restroom. Do
(46:30):
you know where that is? Do we know where the
restroom is? It's only for it's only for customers, for customers. Yeah, sorry, sorry,
I have a health and spetro. I have to see it, right.
I could just I could start in this room if
you want. Oh, this is not probably the best room
(46:51):
to start. Maybe outside, like the perimeter already already did
I flagged some stuff? Oh? Really, what's your flag? You
have some oil leak? It's just like there's some pipe
that's just well, that's that's that's actually we wanted that.
It's we've got oil into this building and we strugg
(47:18):
It's kind of a perkose of the I don't know
gonna be able to Actually, how's the restaurant if you're gonna,
you know, be options right now, because you know, we've
got a moderately successful barbecue place. Plus we've got we've
got a live oil well directly below the building, so well,
those tubes are gonna come inside and they're gonna poison
as people with they're eating. So we haven't been to
(47:39):
dinner all together in a really long time. So before
we eat, I just want to say thank you all
for being here again, and good God, Johnny, do not
ask us for money again. Do not ask us for
money again. We know that you lost your business, but
again you decided to drill for oil in the middle
(48:03):
of a property that you own, and that's not on us,
and I just wanted to clear that up before we eat.
Maybe I should cancel my order? What'd your order? Well,
I gotta drink. Why are you canceling your order because
I can't ask for money? And that that kind of
(48:24):
blew the we were talking. Okay, I gotta cookies and
gream milk shape coming in you. Well see, I thought
when when you told your story it sounded like it
was working out really good lifting things up? Did you
start a business so everyone gave him money? Well, he
(48:45):
he had a good idea and he never asked for
that was what what was your idea? Was that a
barbecue place? Yeah, so you're just dealing my idea. But
but listen to but listen to how he refills the meat.
Tell him WHOA? I don't know if I like, we
we fulfill. We've got a relationship with no one ordered
(49:08):
the jake. I don't know who don't? Okay, fine, I
drink your milkshake, saying three show who uh bastard in
the basket? Uh? Nicely done, everyone, and thank you so
damn much for being here. Let's start our thank you
(49:30):
and goodbyes with miss Jackie. Thank you. Yes, and folks
wanted to find your wares that should go to Instagram
and look for you exactly. I'm at Jackie d ruthy
and comedy spelled like it sounds to be honest. I
think it's okay to be honest. Thank you. Yeah, in
(49:50):
this environment, in these times, if I can't be honest,
what do we have? That's right? Thank you for having me.
It's always so fun. Uh, please come back immediately. James Ceney,
would you also like to say something honest and truthful? Well, yes,
honest and truthful. Um, thanks for having me. Here's an honest,
(50:11):
truthful thing unrelated. Uh, I read the first half of
Forrest Gump. God, it's really good. Thank you guys for
suggesting it last week. I'm gonna finish it and give
my full review next week. Finde me here. That's uh,
that's a great share. We we thank you for that.
Chris Alvarado, honest and truthful. I'm trying to build my chest,
(50:39):
um fair, I'm trying to build my chest. I've always
been somebody that dabbled in in you know, the gym,
I trying to work out of the healthy eat right,
But I've never I've always had like a boy's body,
and I want to have a chest. So I'm really
working on the chest for you. But it's honest and
it's truthful. I appreciate that very much. Happy to be here,
(51:01):
Craig Kowski, thank you so damn much. You're welcome. So
this this is what I got. I've got Ah, I've
got a regional commercial running right now for Spectrum, running
on running running on cable cable commercials. No biggie, it's
you know, but it must have just expanded to new markets, because,
like I've been getting a bunch of messages lately with
people that have seen it, and because I get Google
(51:22):
alerts on my name. I was taking to a little
website called the Alchemy of This Pod subreddit where somebody
had written a post I think trying to congratulate me
on the Spectrum spot and it says way to go Craig,
but they spelled it s r R E c t
U M or sir rectum. And so rather than congratulate
(51:48):
me on the prevalence of my spectrum commercial, you've just
called me sir w rectum, which if anyone deserves that nickname,
it's it's Kevin. I think that's fair. That's truly fair.
And keep those redded comments coming, is the takeaway? Yeah,
(52:11):
Joey great, Thank you so damn much as always for
being your terrifically weird self. Thank you for having me.
And Chris just want to say, if you want any
pointers on chess, I mean, just talk to me, man, Like, Okay,
our Patreon uh users right there, they'll see this video,
(52:32):
is that right? Yes? So so? But the rest of
us who are just listening. They don't they don't know
what's going on. Took his shirt off and he is flexing.
He's ripped, ripped. It's unfair to the others who don't
have the ability to use graphics. Let's thank our producer
(52:55):
of the Stars, Mr Doug Baine. It's five folks that
I heart media. Bump bump up. I'm host Kevin Pollacker,
minding you please be kind to each other and until
next time,
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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