November 12, 2019 • 59 mins
Scientist Faked It To Make It; Intern Does Anything For 2 to 7 Dollars; Handsome Man Uses Nerdy Brother As Front On Dates.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode Alchemy, this time your host
Kevin Pollocks that Kevin is that Oh yeah, he's super chill.
I mean to the oven thing first thing out of
bed is odd, but also a perfect example of just
how much of an original James and sorry, I will
tell him you said to stay away from his wife.
Sure thing, but I digress. Let's meet our chamis in
(00:25):
no particular. Please say hello to James Ety King, James,
can I call you Johnny June June, Hannah, he's eating
right now, pull up a chair. But that's a rag gun?
Is here? How many donuts eating? That's a new diet?
Um niche Yes, if you woke up tomorrow and we're
instead married to Joey Greer, who's your first phone call to?
(00:49):
Oh what an interesting question? Is this a panic phone call? Um?
That's a great answering. Happened the cops? Is in fact
the christ paint your wagon? Chris av Verano sits beside
me again. Couple two, couple, If you were asked to
pop and lock on camera for our Patreon v I
(01:11):
p S, would you it's on the record, popping lock
without a doubt. That's uh, we're just moving on. Yeah,
we're going to last, but check your downtown if you
think him leaves. It's Joey Greer pal Joint is your
(01:33):
middle name? In fact, Carney boy, Yeah it is. Actually
it's a family name, Joey Carney Boy. Grill, Grill, That's
that's what I said. I said Gril, right, Yeah you did?
You said it correct? Is that not your name? That
is funny? Okay, well watch are we every boy just
like Kevin walk as your name? But we have to
do it for the way if you can't let what
was it? And at this time of course, would like
(01:59):
to bite you to write a review of the show.
Give you about thirty one hours to write that review.
And also if you'd like to be a super fan
and support us, we have a v i P page
on the Patreon Yeah crazy list of the v i
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you can own the v i P. The price get
(02:23):
some note depending on the pride, depending on the price
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and A from my home. We'll all be answering your
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(02:45):
and request questions you have about Joey gret we Don't
blame you, and so much more. Check out the new
Patreon page for Alchemy This then, thanks for the love
of our scene. Suggestions for today were gathered from our
listeners like yourself. If you like to submit one, please
do please write to the podcast at your name here
at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here at
alchemy this dot com. Our first scene, in fact, comes
(03:06):
from Jesse, who wrote Alchemists. I don't have a crazy
story to tell, mostly because I worked nights in the lab,
usually alone, and don't have to stifle my laughter to
avoid glares from annoying co workers. I laugh unashamedly, as
is the proper way. Now the suggestion a man or
a woman love you, Vanessa, any faks his resume to
(03:27):
land a job that's way out of his league at
a lab. You're a loyal Day one listener, Jesse p s.
Thanks for the two shows a week. Been a godsend.
All right, Jesse, We'll see the Patreon page and middle
Leader Baker please fifty Middle Leader don't laugh. Stop it.
(03:49):
Fifty Peter Beater, a fifty million leader Beater. I'm together, scientists,
you might not be as smart as your asn't a
winked at just because I mispronounced a couple of words,
are you? Okay? I'm looking back at some of the
findings that your lab has been offering, doctor, and uh,
(04:11):
I just have some questions. Possibly maybe the TYPEO in
the middle of an experiment right now? Okay, maybe maybe later? Okay,
then I guess you don't want funding, sir. Okay, okay,
we can put this on pause for a second. Alright,
good pause, they're boiling. I'm sorry I brought you into
my office. It was was there something happening in the
last turn anything? This is on the books for weeks.
(04:33):
He is not fit? I am it sounds doctor. Doctor.
Why don't you take a step out into the talking
about Okay, okay, I'll be out there. Just what is
going on? You look amazing? Thank you? What is going
on between us? I don't give a shit about it.
I don't either. He's an idiot, which obviously, but he
(04:54):
needs to be there this week and keep seeing each other. Okay, wait,
why what do you mean? Why why does he need
to be there to week and keep seeing each other
because people need to see that kind of doctor in charge. Dylan,
if you can make me a head scientist, of course
I can, but not right now. I'm married, I got
eight kids. All right, Dylan, you're doing good work. Thank you, honey,
all the labs you're overseeing. Thank you are producing incredible products.
(05:18):
You were saying, I don't know. My secretary gets real
personal sometimes to protect you with some boundwies. That's okay,
you need to have some bad She's right. You don't
have to be first. She's right, and these boundaries need
to get relaxed. Your shoulders are to okay. Okay, look,
(05:45):
you're doing great. Great, here's what I need from you.
You know what I need from you? Pop that top
off because I'm not getting those muscles the way I
need you. All right, Well there you go. Oh my god,
that tattoo is sick. Yeah, well I was eight one that. Yes,
that man should stop us starting you. You are his ruler.
(06:07):
Yeah yeah, I'm his ruler. I'm your ruler as well.
I'm not. Mr Morgan Stern hey says here on your
thank you for filling out the sheet by the way,
you're eighteen years old. Wow. Uh, let's discuss this tattoo
idea you have for your back. Okay. So here's what
I'm thinking. It's right, Okay, So I want to put
(06:30):
something on my body that says I was alive in
nineteen You want to speak about the time so years
from now, Yeah, you'll sort. So I'm thinking tribal, sure, tribal,
tribal when he's tribe in particular, probably like Venice Beach,
Venice Beach tribal. Yeah, Okay, here's the thing. I'm not
gonna have a corporate job anyway when I get older.
(06:52):
I'm an artist who wants that. So I'm thinking of court, uh,
body building down at the beach. Yeah, something like that, surfing,
some skateboarding to all tattoo artists get this, uh personal
if they care that. I don't get that personal. I'll
just do the job. That's one of our finest artists here.
(07:13):
Want somebody just doing How is how is it that
your top teeth are going through your bottom lip? Accident
that's been happening. She's a skateboarder. It was a person
on the flaps. A crazy year for all of us.
Study it's stuff here, fucking Snoop, I gotta fun tattoo.
(07:35):
Where the fuck is Snoop? Sorry, sir, what's the problem?
What then is the problem. It's a giant dick on
my back? And he wanted, well, how do we know that?
I wanted to Hardy being dropped Harley in here? You
wanted the Harley driving arms? Yeah, that was some a
bit of American. That was a jat cock on my back.
I get all these kid story eggs on me. Can
(07:55):
we just take a look at it? Look at that? Wow,
that looks that's a beautiful fit. It's a beautiful saying
the detail is wrong, I'm just saying, there's a dad
dick on my back. What you want? I wanted to
Harley being driven by Harley? You know what represents a Harley?
Been from my Harley? Who whispered that whisper cock like
(08:21):
it was Hold on a second, um, it's me, Mr Morgan.
Cern I'm I rarely do lab visits, but I wasn't
expecting you hear this differences. We got the boots and
burners and then we're gonna just let me turn them
down really quick so that they don't over boil. Okay,
(08:44):
that was the that was the off I test the
horrible well, go rince or something. We we shouldn't use
water because that's a burn, and ever we use butter.
Rub this butter on the alright, it's my scar. I'm
(09:08):
so sorry you brought somebody with you. Hi, I'm this
person's ruler, as I am your ruler. Oh, I didn't realize.
Did anyone want to catch up? Yes, if it's just
being given out, but I'm sorry, Mr Morganson, Oh not,
(09:28):
I'm okay, I guess all right, Dylan, here's the deal. Hey,
can I just take a little minute out with this
woman I was having an affair with. I had to
break it up. That's what I'm here to talk to
you about. I heard, Yeah, it's crazy, right, she got
ugly and I had to say no, no shit. I
also need you to fire her. Done anything to distance
her from me? Yeah? Done? Fire her? No severance un done? Done?
(09:49):
You know what? Hey, you know it's getting better, the
doctor said. The doctor said, this kin should the ends
should be. Yeah, you're fired. What you're fired? I have
(10:12):
to do this. You're fired today, doctor. This woman is fired,
and she's not under our health to coverage any more.
I formally someone. She was saving the favor energy and
taking my patience. I'm getting a new face, and when
I do, you'll be sorry and you'll never know it's me.
(10:33):
Every face you see you'll wonder if I'm under it.
And okay, we're about to take the bandages off. Now.
At first you have to just sort of be open
to the idea of the sort of surgery. Do it,
Just do it. There's a process. Okay, I've told you before. No, no,
(10:55):
See she's anxious to get the best. All right, she's asking,
I want to say, if she looks funns, help me
take You can see that the patient wants the only
thing that five seconds color? What is it? Be with
you a second? I want a new surgery. Okay, what
(11:17):
do you want inflated? Now? I want a face on
my stomach? Okay, so your belly button will be your
you tell me you're the doctor. Penis perfect, okay, but
I just want something crazy in your nipples will be
your eyeballs. Okay, now, just pulling my ass. I said,
(11:40):
on my stomach, my belly of face on my belly
and stern hum will be your nose button will be
your really professional. Yeah, really professional. This is what you've
driven me too. Now I'm going to take the bandages off.
I need you to be open to what you see. Okay,
because again we did the best we could, all right,
So let's get these off. There's one tooth, take the
(12:07):
way in and I'm gonna hold up a mirror. Sick.
It's good, doesn't it slick? Yeah? She's hot? Show me, okay,
show me again. To keep an open mind? Do do
(12:27):
I not have a nose? You did'st with no face?
I need to see a miror. Okay, here he is right.
It's a different look. It's a different look. Indeed. Right,
if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the labs.
So school was good. School was good. Yeah, it's great.
(12:48):
That's great. I can get some more mash potatoes. Yeah,
it works not too hard nowadays, you know. So everything's good. Honey,
I'm gonna be out of town next that. Someone's at
the door. Did someone order? Did you order bread? I know? Okay,
I had some ketchup. Do you mind just sexing it
up when we were talking to each other? Okay? Uh
now yeah, I just in general because we get the door.
(13:11):
Who's that the do thank you? Hello? Oh holy shit? Hello, Hello?
What do you want? My name is Deborabora Alicious, Debora Alicious.
I just moved in next door. Shit, I hope that's
not going to be a problem. I got kids, or
maybe you only come out at night. What's your name? Uh? Dylan,
(13:38):
that's what I thought. Well, just say you know. I
hope we can be very good friends. Who's it the
Debora Alicious? I'm kind of freak lady. No, no, no,
I'm a beautiful woman. I'm a beautiful woman. She's very
self confident and mysterious. Oak my words, Dylan, We're going
(13:59):
to be very good name. Did I introduce myself? Where
is no money? I introduced yourself? I've read it on
the mail box. Great? Okay, great? Well, h good senior, Okay,
I would love to come in. I really don't want
your side. You don't know what she looks like. Honey,
is gonna kill the vibe? I can't we Hey? All right,
(14:23):
all right? Come on? Oh hello? Is this aren't you gorgeous?
Thank you? What is your name? Debora Alicious? That's exotic?
Are you the wife of Dylan? I'm one of them,
one of them? Yeah, yeah, I got a lot of wife,
a lot of mistresses do I'm pretty open about my
relationships for right now that I'm aware. Can we get
(14:46):
you something to eat or drink? I can't eat or
drink unfortunately with this face? Something in my tube? What
can we get you? Holy ship? It was like three
or four tubes coming at your neck do different things?
I know which too was which you don't need to
worry about it? Can you let it stress you out?
I can't have any acid in this. So if I
(15:06):
were a good hostes okay, Dboram, Mr Morgan Stern, I
hire all the scientists, would love to be working in
this lab. I've got great experience. Okay, Um, here's what
seems weird to me is of you that I don't
have a nose or the tubes? No, okay, sorry that
some of your previous experience shows that you worked in
(15:27):
labs that I run, and I don't recall you ever
working here before. Don't worry about it. Fair enough, I'd
like to be as close to Dylan as possible. Well,
I can make you two spacemates, if you know what
I mean. I don't. Okay, Well, you and Dylan will
be working side by side a couple of spacemates. Perfect
you start now? Are you going to harass me for
(15:50):
my appearance? I don't know what you're talking about. Dylan's
in his office. M okay, if I stuck all these chips,
that's a big terror. Um. Do you mind if I
put the I need to plug these tubes? And do
you mind if I used the power strip? Uh? Feel free?
(16:11):
I guess. Don't let them bother you. I'll just be
setting up my station over here. Dylan, it's me Delicious.
We've never met until yesterday. I don't recall. Your tubes
are sprains. I'm gonna look at I just have to
fit them into the valve. Don't worry. It's just whole milk,
(16:32):
and we are last night at your home. You tried
to poor eliminate in my tube. I don't I don't
recall interesting. I'm up here. You can look at my face. Hello, Hello,
holy shit. Don't let it frighten you. That's what happened
(16:55):
when the fluid levels off. Was it in my nose? It? Yeah?
They mout, what's okay? What's going on? I don't know.
Those tubes are frequent. I'm gonna look at this wall
that you get some new paintings. Did anyone notice I
have a perfect body the machiatos for you? Thank you?
That's hot. Can I get you anything? Do you have
(17:17):
any whole milk? Miss? Yes, of course, whole milk part
in the second tube from the left, second from the left.
Oh that's not bad at all. Look at that it
goes right in. Is that a thumbs up? I'm getting right?
(17:38):
That was delicious. Con I get you anything else? No,
I'd like some more time with Dylan. Sure, Dylan, you're good.
I'd like to for you to stay, if that's okay. U.
I'm a little torn now. I think you should go.
I'm gonna side with the miss. Doctor Um. The lamb
reporch don't make sense. The numbers that you were quoting earlier.
It's just you know what, some of these are up
to interpretation. And I've got a new lab assistant, and
(18:03):
see what does it make more sense if I turn
this graph upside down? No, sir, up to interpretation that
this is a science? Is this math? It should be
a fact. That is a fact, that it's math and science.
Just just once again breakdown exactly what I'm supposed to
be doing. Because I'm working with these specific isotopes and
I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be extracting or
(18:23):
interacting with all propri alcohol. We want to make sure
that we put appropriate amounts of flames. Welcome everybody to
the quarterly meaning, I'm Mr Morgan Stern. We have become
(18:47):
the faceless. Everybody in this industry knows us now as
the faceless group. Doctor m hm, your assistant, And of
course we are unique, we are strange. Do they have
to be in the rumor? Well, Dylan, I'm glad you
(19:07):
asked that. Hey, guy who brings marciatos, will you hand
me that coup please? Than Dylan, you might recognize this
boiling hot the boiling hot thing a coffee, but what's
funny is it's not an actually coffee inside. I write
(19:31):
your girlfriend? Who this was? What? Did we ever give
you a name? N I don't remember you seven said
you were having a fair with her. You fired me
in the hospital. Oh, I don't know the character of
Debora alicious. I got all these surgeries to get back
at you. He's a mirror. Oh you got my temporal form,
(19:56):
the only thing that I care about. Look at it,
saw beautiful beautiful will now go into the lab and
creates an invent fake stuff. I still don't feel like
Dr Simon is smart enough to be here. No, no,
I totally got this. I got it. I had scientists. Scientist,
(20:19):
that sounds good. He has had scientists. Sorry, I've had
plenty of scientists, and that's the answer to see. One
comes to us from Braxton, who wrote, I'm an intern
and I tend to do anything for money. One time
(20:39):
I chugged half a gallon of milk for two dollars.
I threw up three times. So if James, if James
my spirit animal, could play me the intern that does
anything for a quick buck, that would be great. I
love you, guys, Braxton. Welcome Steve. All right. I'm just
(21:02):
here to do whatever need to make sure that I
can be part of the team. It says on your
resume that you're willing to do anything for two to
seven dollars. Well I'll take the Yeah, absolutely, whatever's needed.
I'm just really looking to make a name for myself
in the industry to keep working. Okay, I'm gonna need
you to partner up with Pete. Here, partner up with Pete.
What in the world is parting. I'm gonna explain that. Okay.
(21:24):
Welcome to the world of partons. All right, I'm gonna
be your partner. Uh, not so much your partner, not
so much your friend, more of a person who's gonna
be doing things to you for money. Yeah, that's right,
all right. So where's your hand above your head please? Okay,
and I'm gonna punch your right in the stomach. Okay,
there you go, and that is two whole dollars. Okay,
(21:45):
this is this is for the industry though. I'm well, yeah,
you're about to get first hand knowledge of the industry.
I need you to walk around to all the offices.
They'll know what to do and they'll know how much
to pay you. Okay, on your way. Welcome to board.
Great to be here. Do you know do you know
if they found the body or not? Excuse me they Yeah,
I'm Steve, I'm I'm interning at this production company. Come in,
(22:07):
Come in, so do you know if they have any
idea where the body could be. They don't have any
idea where the body could be. Okay, well, then we
gotta do it with him. We can to keep this quiet, okay,
because do you know where the body could be. How
the funk was I supposed with the body? Is I'm here,
Well I'm in Connecticut. Yes, you're closer, so you figured it.
We don't know. Call me back. You call me back already,
(22:29):
interrupt your phone call. But I'm the new intern at
the production company, and uh, I'm just supposed to make
sure that anybody that needs I think donn I can
do it for him. All right? Can you hear me?
That box of rocks? Oh sure, that's the easiest couple
of bucks i've me today. Here you're getting paid for that. Kid. Now,
I need you to pick some out here and just
start chewing, um, chewing on the rock. Sorry, I'm sorry,
(22:52):
you dumb. You don't understand me. You don't know. Oh no,
I got it, I got it. Are you a dumb guy?
Because I need smart people working. I'm a smart guy.
Are you like to be a directing? It's one thing
that's your middle finger? Here's phone. Hello, they found the body.
They found the body. Stuffing on hold and your prints
(23:13):
are all over it. Yes, you're going to jail. You're
going to jail, and you're not taking me with you,
fucking idiot. Oh my god? All right, Um, I'll just
taking this rock here and look I heard that call.
I need you to take the fall from me. I
(23:34):
can get two dollars for it. Wait what I need
you to take the fall from me. I'll give you
two bucks. I can't go to jail. You just go
to jail. You're just gonna take the fall. Okay, I'll
take the fall. I guess it's uh do to here
you go, thank you. Get the fun out of You're
going to the office, all right, Hello, hi, hi, Hi,
(23:56):
I'm the new in your mouth is awful, bloody, I
was chewing on some are Actually you're adorable, you know,
but I'm an up and come around. You can spit
your teeth into my hand, well parts of them. Go ahead.
Oh there, Oh, don't rub that on your face eating. Oh,
(24:17):
I guess it is. So. I'm just supposed to make
sure that if anybody needs to do. I like tigers, sure,
kinds of animals, big cats. Yeah, of course. And you
said you are the new entre. Yeah, I'm just supposed to,
you know, one ft through the doorway. Oh, this is
a cute little cat. And it's a cute little cat.
(24:37):
Lock the door, okay, close the blink all right. See
that cat. I'm sorry, eat that cat. But this cat's
a lie. Eat the cat. Please don't make me. You
know what kind of day? I don't know what casting
has been up my ass? Oh you do? Cast an
(25:00):
EP fell out of the production. We need a million
more dollars. Only one thing can make me feel better.
I need you to eat the Okay, I'll do it.
I'll do it. Never killed. Come on, it's wait stop,
(25:25):
this is too late. Oh no, oh no, I can't
stop finish. Why are you Oh you're a month No,
it's you're you just killed psychopath, psychopath Steve. I'm sorry,
but it's been brought to my attention that you're acting
like a real psychopath or on the office. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
(25:49):
yes yes, and just doing it what people are telling
me to do. My doors open so I can get
a foot in the business. I want to believe you.
I want to believe you. Okay, there's one more thing
can do. Oh thank god, it's one more person you
can see. Okay, he's the head honcho. Really, yeah, that's good,
the president of this entire company. Okay, now he already
(26:13):
heard about the horrible things I've done so far. He
doesn't know. I'm covering for you. By the way, an
entire swat team came in here asking for you. You
have seen something about some kind of body or whatever
that was me. I sent him away. Thank you, covering
for you. But wow, I want you on the team.
What do you mean he just went away when the
guy said he wasn't there. You're a fucking warrant. He
(26:35):
freeze and then you said freeze. You're the fucking FBI team.
You're the fucking swat team of the FBI. Right, You're
the sweat team. Do the SWEBBI? You understand this? Holy God,
am I I feel like I'm He told us to
go and you have a warrant? Do you not? I
(26:58):
don't have a warrant? What do you not for? You know?
We left the Warren on the dresser. Warren? Wait, we
left Warren back there? No, no, no, no war Where
is Warren? Oh God, it's warrant? Where is Warren? I
don't know. I'm trying to interrupt you. Uh, come on,
(27:23):
warm me. Wow, I've expected you to be kind of
a city guy. Expectations are the routed. It's worn night.
Do you want me to keep feeding you sir, I
wouldn't be there. What's your name? Do you want me
to keep massaging him? Okay, my name is Stephen. I'm
the new intern at the Steve had a lot of
(27:45):
that hopefully good things. Steve turned around for me to
turn around. Okay, all the way around a lot more, Dad, Okay,
you do say you this be a really good host
any songs by Teddy fender Grass. I don't know who
(28:06):
Teddy Fender Grass is. Pendergrass, Yeah, that's right, Pentagrass, Steve,
I want you to learn the first two albums from
Penney Pendegrades, and I want you to go back tomorrow
and sing him to me. Now, what we do is
we make us pentagram right here, and then we sow
(28:28):
win the ancient spirits of Hell. And you're sure this
is gonna make me like I am Teddy Pentagram and
this is my music for Satan himself, alright, doing stand this.
I'm just not a musician, so I don't know if
this is gonna So what you gotta do here is
you gotta uh use this ruler here to make this
angle and then this angle here. This will work. I
(28:48):
am Teddy Pentagraph, so I know it all. This is
what you're gonna need for tomorrow. Blue graphs. I don't
know I have blue graphs. Okay, Well, I just need
to make sure if if you enter from here and
then you can see there's a cord door there and
I mean everything's right there in the key. Uh, and
(29:08):
then you'll be able to figure out I'm Teddy Penthouse
Maps and I am reaching now, so uh reach reach okay,
never mindus, Mr Penthouse massr Penthouse Maps. H. Yes, it's
true about the allegations, are you It's true? I am
breeding alligators, and yes, happen to your wife. Time to
(29:29):
your wife. There's no way to tells you might have
gone through a different dimension. They found her body, Mr
penter Grass, Where where is her soul? Thank you? No
more questions? Thank you? Did you see what I did
that they could? So? What kind of wait you're looking
for today? Man, panti grass, I'm looking for some like
(29:53):
an eighth of panty grass? Eighth? Okay? If you tried
making say that again? Is that if you try this swaggy, uh,
it really should be panty panty grass? What you saying
panto guys? To what who you're saying? Panty grass? Too?
Is the one day get the wrong idea. I'm sorry, dispense.
(30:16):
Oh wow, are you that's our security man? Take a
step back. All right, Tommy, I don't know if I
needed to be drown on me. I'm I'll shoot you
in the head man, tom Hey, Steve, dude, but this
is a big day for you. Huh. I heard you
talk to the big to the Headhunt show yesterday. Come back.
I hope you've got everything you need, don't. I don't
have anything waiting for you. But hey, please, you got
(30:39):
quick some advice here. Okay, be you me, just be you, bud. Hey,
welcome to the team. Thank you, oh ship, hold on hello,
Hey it's your mom. Hi mom, So did you make
it big yet? Mr? I'm one ft in the door.
Your dad and I are very sick. We can't pay
for our medical bill. Don't worry. Don't worry. I'm sure
(31:01):
that this medical later. Oh my god, what's going on?
There's this left the team. We got a word for you,
all right. We know you didn't we know you killed
that guy. Don't do anything. Hang up. They're probably for me, mom.
They're probably for me to cut you up up. Mom. Okay,
(31:26):
so I think cut's up, Jeeve, I don't know. It
was a startling phone call for well, hey, look alive,
here we go, Here we go, here we go. Okay,
look look, okay, go get them. Let me get that
dory out, Steve. Steve the guy sixty degree turns. Yeah,
didn't we try it again? I'm I going to tell me, Oh,
(31:49):
you know about Teddy pend Teddy Pendergrass. Tell you all
I know? Or sing a song? Okay, Red and goes
like this. One day I learned about Teddy pender Grass
and that's all the things. Don't laugh, don't left and left.
I'm almost there, and he's got the penty grass or
(32:13):
some weet. And this is a nice graph and this
is penthouse map. Is that what you wanted? Another? Sadly?
Because I did so well on that one, exactly five
dollars when I might be able to pay for my
tears on your resume? You do anything? Is that exactly
(32:37):
the way I wrote it? At you anything for gas? Yeah?
I think that is what I wrote. I'll stand by
that agreement. Alright. I'm on de bay. I wouldn't do
I would do any fucking thing you said for thirty
seven dollars, Okay, I want you to do an imprisonation
(32:58):
for me. Okay, voices and the character. It's not my
strong super thirties seven dollars okay, right, please not the
Norwegian accent. You gotta do it perfect and if you don't,
you get nothing. Okay, I need that. Thirty seven dollars.
Steaks aren't that high. He came here to make a living. Yeah,
(33:21):
so like nothing worse happens if he doesn't do it. No, no, no,
no no, just do something fun it up, make him
do something crazy when I trust these things. So at
thirty seven dollars, if you can do it, and if
you can't do it, they just get to put one
knife into you. Didn't. Yeah, they decided where I didn't
(33:42):
want to be like an accessorated it. Well, you're gonna
have to commit children. Do we get money? Impressions okay,
go ahead, he's not a person. Well I think I
could do it. Go ahead, go ahead on easy to
please Teddy pentagraph those are not okay? What is the
(34:06):
impression an Australian? No, don't don't don't know. Go on,
don't rocket that okay, okay, idea of my eyes. Okay,
I got this, I got this. I'm gonna try to
cut through bond. Okay, cr w A y you were
(34:39):
in the wrong room, war Warren, you were in the
wrong room. Where are you hanging out waiting? Are you guys?
We're on thirteen seven eight Okay? Yeah, I was like no.
I was like like, oh, that's new information that everyone
(35:01):
died because he went to the wrong room. Warn't got
the wrong warrant special I was going to keep Steve alives,
to be honest, That's why you were there. That's what
I like that a lot. He was so willing. Our
final scene comes from and there's an odd spelling in
(35:22):
the name I C A L l i O p
E calliope. Yeah, that's how you spelled calliope. Where's that
name from? Like probably the music d Yeah, that's this
person's first thing. This is called a cap interested So
am I I could be wrong about a lot of
(35:44):
this confidence confident. I think that's all correct. Calliope wrote, Hi, alchemists,
sorry in advance about my name. That being said, don't
go mispronouncing it. We didn't know I was here. I
started listening to your podcast after hearing several promos on
stuff you should know. Oh great and I'm I'm pretty
skeptical about comedy podcast, but I figured if it's good
(36:05):
enough for Josh Clark, it's good enough for me. We
thank Josh for that. I'm so glad I finally gave
it a listen. You guys are a class act. Yes, certainly,
thanks for making me crack up as I'm drawing my
stupid web comic. Oh, maybe you can work for us.
We'd love to see you a web comic of We
(36:26):
the Alchemists. Please Calliope. My scene suggestion is as follows.
An incredibly handsome man has a blind date. However, he
is sick of women falling in love with his appearance alone,
so he sends out his nerdy brother as a decoy,
discreetly coaching him from nearby as he lurks in the shadows.
Keep up the great work. Callia Pi ludick Er. Now look,
(36:49):
just tell him your name is Dan and you'll be fine. Okay, Okay, um, hey,
thanks for giving me. Shut up. Okay, don't say thank you.
I'm not a bit you know, but you're my brother
and we don't get to see each other alive. And
there's a reason for that. Okay, you're weird looking and
you got hobbies that I don't like. Okay, so you're
telling me this earpiece. I can hear everything you say. Yes, okay,
(37:10):
you won't be far though, No, I might be. You're fine, okay, okay,
But I think the goodness is if if you like
what you hear from her, you'll know she's the real exactly.
And also I know how this works. Okay, all right,
you don't need to okay, Yes, okay, you got that, Yes,
you got that. You can snap your fucking neck. Hi,
what's the name do you have for reservation? Yes? And
(37:36):
are you meeting me? I am your face? Go for
a fist, bump, hit that pounding party of two, Dylan,
party of two? Okay, that's us. Tip the major Nancy
will take you to your table. Not so fast. What
do I have here? It's for you? Thank you so much.
(37:57):
Put him a table seven, table seven me. That was
all my cash. That was all my cash. Tip the
person in another to the table. I don't have anything,
and this is your table, Dylan, thank you so much.
Don't you move? Do you can? I ask you a
personal question. I don't know do you have any cash
on you? What are you doing? I have I have
(38:18):
seventy getting that money. Get that money? Can I borrow
that first? Sex? I will beam you right now? Why
I swear I wouldn't you one another day? I don't
want I don't wantld on, hold on, hold on, Okay,
it's okay. I don't need to have a tip particular.
(38:39):
Why would you? Why would you assume I was gonna
give you a tip because you wanted me to stay
right here and you just I'm gonna walk away. I'm
gonna walk away your table. Okay, get that money, Get
that money. Okay, Okay, okay, Jesse, I just need it.
I just needed I really shouldn't take that money. T
give that tip. Give me that tip. Get the list,
(39:08):
don't you say list? Okay? Okay, I'm gonna fan you off. Okay,
sing touring and what do you love with the sound
of your voice? And the sound? There you go? There?
(39:30):
It was pretty. Hey, here's the wine? Why do you?
Here's the wine? List is for you, and here you
can have your seventy five back. Get that money. This
is yours, alright, alright, thank you. I'll be back in
a moment. Gentlemen, Always tips, gentlemen, always don't say that
(39:52):
I was telling you that the headset is because I'm
currently at work. You're a gamer, I'm a gamer gamer. Yeah,
but she said your in silence, Well help help? What
you pay for games? I pay for games? I pay
I pay for games. Who are you talking to you?
You're talking into that headset? Get out? Okay, well this
(40:13):
has been a real pleasure. Where are you going? You
took my se I'll get back to Where are you going?
Why did you come back to the van? Why did
you come back to the van? Where are we supposed
to go? I don't get the funk out of you.
They can't see started, I can't starting and take it.
(40:37):
What then, do you think you were joining to me?
This has been okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. It might
be a pink gun, but it works like a silver gun.
Or I'm blanking. I'm taking his headset off. My name
isn't Dylan? Okay? Man, that did not work out? Did
not work out? Give me out of this hospital in
a second, dude, I gotta land a date. I'm being
a hot guy. My name is Dylan's our little patient
(40:59):
to do good doctor, not great. It's two gunshot wounds.
I think it's going to be fine. I mean they're
both to the head. Why are you looking at my brother?
Where do I know you from? I don't know. I'm
in finance. Really don't go out that much. I'm a doctor.
I don't go out that much either. Oh, sh some
(41:19):
blood splatters on your shirt. To mind if I take
my shirt off? Yeah, let's just make sure you are okay.
You can just press the button if you want any
more pain killers. Yeah. I just need to make sure
you don't have any gunshot wounds. Doctor. Is it okay
if I take my brother out to the hospital. No,
it's not okay, But you just have to take those
pants off. I'm afraid you're having a gunshot wound under this.
(41:41):
It might be a whole but alright, man, listen, last
time that was awful. Okay. I've had three and a
half months to recover. I feel good. I'm willing to
do one more date. One more. You're gonna do a
ship ton more. You're not just gonna do one more?
Fine to hand my fucking snap. Okay, all right, same
(42:04):
same thing. Let's go in there and let's do it right.
Hold on, let me take my cash count realquick. I
want to make sure having a money probably tippy, I
need to do okay, I have three dozen dollars in cash.
I should be good. Let's go. Okay, welcome. Do you
have verybody? Yes, Dal, I'm meeting somebody here. So party
(42:27):
party of two times you have? That's eight fifteen? Tip them? Please? Please?
No party here to meet Dylan. Oh wait, what am
I supposed to say? You're supposed to say? Hi, I'm
(42:48):
here to meet Doing Hi. I'm here to meet doing Hi.
I'm Dylan. I'm Veronica, Veronica. Are you the two that's
got the eight fifteen? Yes? Tip him three k Let
me table I can get for you. Maybe this can
help you necessary. Please take a lot of giggle when
he gives the tip amount of any tell do well,
(43:13):
I think you could sit anywhere you won't really do
not take the cash. Do not take the cash. I
can't take this. I'm sorry. I don't know what. We're
not allowed to We're not allowed to take I'll take
the cash. Okay, don't give for the cash. No, you
can't have to have that. Gentleman tips, Give gentleman tips,
a gentleman tips. Don't don't say that. I don't do that,
(43:35):
he said. A gentleman TIFFs. Get him to a table.
I need to get you to a table. Show that
you need to use the restaurom I need to piss.
Let me sure you follow you don't follow me? Follow
its follow me? Okay, it's uh, this is a nice bathroom.
I'll listen to you pee. I can't. I'm breaking sure
(43:58):
to tell tell him it's actually a number two. It's
actually a number two. Explained that that means poop. Thank you.
Now just do it? Think you know him? Number two
stands for poop. I know I prefer to do that alone.
I'll wait outside. Got him. How is my table ready? Yes?
(44:21):
Table four? Whenever you let give him a kiss on
the cheek. I'm just gonna thank you for your patroning. Okay,
well that seems weird. Radio, do you have a WiFi
signal going on? Just go to the restaurant. Climb out
the window, climb out the Why did you send me
(44:43):
in on the mission? If right, next day will be great.
This one's just three. Thou don't think I can fit
out the window? Okay? Okay, you're getting up to sneak
around window? Okay, okay, okay, well all round window ship
style okay, that makes sense. Put some hands so around
your belly to be like a lubricant to get out
(45:04):
the window. Are you taking no? I think a ship
a ship. I think it's a real ship. Wait you
want on a ship? Welcome to Norwegia Airlines. We're a ship.
We're not plane. We say airlines, but it's it's a
ship in the sea. Strap in and Sean your activities director,
(45:27):
it's the captain. Spreak in. We're going to be in
a smooth ab here to in Norway. Thank you over
going ys this afternoon. Please be particularly notice of the
safety at all time. Particularly noticed the safety. Everybody. It's me, Sean,
the yes sisted activities director. I want a transfer. Now
(45:50):
what I say me? You say who? Me? What I say? You?
You say cool? You cool? Cool? This is when great guys.
I just gotta say this right up top, Captain, there
is something wrong with the radiator. But sope. We might
(46:12):
just want to dock. But do you want to press
out so well that the problem is. I talk to
the captain, but this the guy is an imposter. This
is a single propeller on you. There's no way here
we kept Yeah, there's something wrong with radio anyway. I
think I'll be able to fix it, but I'm gonna
need a giant wrench. All right, here's a giant wrench
(46:33):
right here. Let's just pick it up off of the wall. Well, Um,
as your doctor, it seems as though you've suffered um
many much bruising, maybe much bruising. Indeed, circulation was cut
off around the middle. Now somebody dropped you off and
(46:55):
then took the headset you were wearing off and ran
ran away. So you seem to be alone here. Um,
I'm just the doctor. Who is I'm sorry? I'm looking
for my brother. Jesus Christ. You're gorgeous? Is this? Who
are you? My name is still? What did you just
ask me to suck my dick? I said, can I
(47:18):
suck you? But it was like it was like an
instinct and didn't mean to say that. It's already happened.
I bet you got a whole I can I suck here?
I do? No, No, you cannot. I'm gonna look on
your brother. What's your brother's name, Timmy? I'm not acent?
What what was his injury? I don't know. Look, I've
(47:43):
never met someone who's looking through me like that. Oh
I like your vibe. Don't talk to me my bruising.
Oh sorry, I'm sorry. I was stuck in a porthole.
I was wondering, do you want to maybe get so much?
(48:07):
I had three thousand bucks. I can blow on some food.
I know just the place where Marinos, Marinos everything. There's
about thirty dollars. Started interrupting. I didn't find your brother,
but I did find some chapstick. And I am no
doctor for anything you need. I don't want. I didn't
know a blow job for anything I need. I didn't
say blowjob. What did you say? Suck you? Okay, I'm
(48:29):
good doctor, thank you? Okay, you were released. By the way,
I think we're going to Marinos. Tell him that I
didn't know the secret. What the date I want to date?
And this guy suggests a year. I'd be happy to
do anything for you. Hey, welcome to Marino's. Gonna. Yes,
(48:50):
i'd like a table for two. I'm the other person.
I bet you would. Yes, we got note tables right,
and I think I could do a floor's situation. Yeah,
there you go. How about I don't have money for food?
Is that about? That is three? That's three? You got
(49:14):
a table just opened? Up. Let me take your table
free table four? Now their booths? What was the name?
What are you guys doing? Can we help you with
some We're gonna need you that. We're right in the
middle of her me. You gave him some money. Guess
what yours done? What we're talking about? Wine on my head?
My wife and I are celebrating today. Well, we're all
(49:35):
celebrating today. I need this day. Push me, don't push me?
Booth is gonna touch my bruises? Wait? Is he gonna're
gonna for us to harness her up? So okay, three
of the most swords will hurt my bruises. I can
sit on the table. Oh you know what, let's just
get a tub of water until just float. That would
be great. That's gonna be in the the three do gee, sweetheart, Gosh,
(49:59):
that was a weird experience, and say, hey, we've got
kicked out. You know what I think it was because
I didn't tip change? Cans you a question? No, can
ask you a question? Yeah? No, change? No. Why don't
you look with that guy? That guy, Why don't you
look with the guy in the restaurant who took her time? Yes,
(50:19):
it's genetics. I don't know what you're asking. I'm going
back in. Wait, no, don't go back in. Let they
come back here. Certain you want some change, Yeah, my
husband's got tons of tons of change. No, no, no, no,
this has changed him. Saving Wait, don't, don't, don't go
okay one batub, Yeah, okay, here we go. There's the
bathtub of the lady. Thanks, and I guess you could
(50:39):
just drop the spaghetti and side and shill slip it right. So,
um you eat anything? Is that right? Yeah? Yeah? I
like everything. I love that. You got a nice face.
Thank you, Thank you? Didn't number two in the You
(51:04):
just pooped in the tone. That's what that is. So
maybe let's not have the spaghetti in there. She just
don't put the spaghetti in the top. She just pooped
in the get this spaghetti. Let's get the turned out
of there too. This is my lady's water. By the way,
it's made me pretty disconnected with what's going on in
(51:26):
my body, So you don't have to oppose. I didn't
know I was doing that until I sort of saw it.
My spinker is loose. Maybe could you just use your
finger to help scoop it into the y Excuse me
for pain for the experience, have to work. I get
to it. Would you too like to hit the specials? Yes? Please? Yeah,
well probably end up with something like spaghetti. Well we
(51:46):
get spaghetti, but here's a couple of choices of what
to put on the spaghetti. We got gotta mcgett as
a google, right then, that is what do you mean?
That is? I'm just not familiar with the callu callum
a kissing. Yeah, it's just sus Yeah, yeah, real nice
to be for my grandmother's recipe. Your grandmother's recipe, that's
what I'm saying. She works here. No, she did not
(52:09):
do Marino's get the recipe because it's my grandma she
passed down. Your grandma was Marino. No, I'm Marino, you're Marino.
What's all the question? I just want to make sure
you wanted to hear the specials? I don't. Yeah, we did.
I think can we get a we got this clean up?
I don't want any specials. You're going to the water
on my lady. Excuse me. I hated to interrupt. I
(52:32):
was the one who was sitting here earlier. You can
tell by my how wet my head is because of
the wine that was poured over my head when we
give our table for you, I want to be with you.
Oh who are you talking to you? I'm on a date.
Can you say that? Can I join her in the tub?
I can't join her in the Please I'm getting in
I'm kidding. Hi. Hey, Wow, that's a lot of poop
(52:58):
they got stuck on a porthole. Stup based on like
cheese cloths. Diarrhean in here? Excuse me, Sarah, and appreciate
all the cash you paid up front. Yeah, you're real nice.
We got the bathtub, we filled it with what you wanted.
But can we not be yelling diarrhean in my restaurant?
I would love to do that if your restaurant wasn't
giving my lady diarrhya. She hasn't eaten nothing, so she's
(53:21):
in your water. Yeah, so you're saying the water maritime law.
You got me on a technicality. I think we do
all right. So we'll hear the specials again. You want
to hear them all over again? Start with the first one. Okay,
Well that you said you want to hear the book
goes on the spaghett right, so that we got the sausage.
What was that Italian word? Calamaro tegi or something to
(53:47):
call too. Right, that's our first sauceage. We're still in
this bathtub. Okay, great checking in These are a special
Listen up, sir. We got shrimp shrimps, but a bet
it's a sausage of the shrim right. We got chicken back. Yeah,
(54:11):
that's a how she's doing it again? Stop making up
so many words. We got some wings, some hot wings
on the spaghetti. More American food, more American. Yeah, we
got cheeseburger burgers. I think we'll do I think we'll
(54:31):
do two of those. Yeah, two of those. Yes, please,
I your burger with bun. Okay, I'll take my medium,
thank you? All right, let me know if you need
anything in I'm pretty much wanted to tell you you're
knocking me off my feet while you're in water. I'll
get out of here, all right. Looking do this often,
(54:57):
I have a problem. I'm too attractive to be around
of people. I have a different sort. I have a problem.
I know you're real, you're a human being. You're a
human being. You can okay, can you hear me? Yeah?
I can hear you over it? And noises in the
back of my ears are in the front. Oh man,
that smells coming up. Can we get another tub of water?
Because this is this is turned What what happened to? What?
(55:22):
She's diarrhe? It's hurting my eyes. I don't know. I
was recently stuck in a porthole after I mean it
was it was a crazy day. I was, I was uccept,
I was listening to my sister. My sister was speaking
in at earpiece. I was on a date. I got
stuck in a porthole. Wait, this is your sisters on
(55:43):
the earpiece with you now. Uh so this is all
just a sham to get to me. No, oh my god,
you know what, Dylan, Dylan, you got all wrong. I know,
never did that thing. I don't want to see you
your diarrhea, wet ass. Okay, that's our final scene and
(56:08):
ours show. Oh it was our our our mission statement
from the outset, those of you still with us, to
always end the forty second scene with your diarrhe and ass.
And I want to thank Joey perfectly welcome. All right,
(56:29):
that's our today. MAUI is the word. And uh, Vanessa,
thank you for being here once again, Thank you for
having we appreciate all that you do. I'm sorry for
everything I put into the universe. No, no, uh and
uh dysa typewriter dot com, Yes, and Dynasty Typewriter Instagram. Also,
(56:49):
don't forget that and alchemy this Instagram. We're doing fun
stuff on there, like even answering questions, going some crazy stunts,
even taking it on some of the biggest roller cansters
in this country. That's right, you had a Q and
A yourself. I did. I couldn't field all the questions
that came out. So far, nobody's had any questions for me,
but I look forward to answering some. That'll be great.
(57:10):
And James Jeney, thank you for being here. Thanks for
having me here. Anything you want to tell the phone? Well,
I mean check. Danny's making great work on our instagrament
Instagram is Danny Joey? It's not. I want to clarify. Okay,
he's not. You know, Danny's our dude. He does not
look at all like Joey's. Thanks for having me, man um.
(57:34):
How is uh your your re acclamation to the West
Coast going seamless? Oh? Great? Don't you miss the bagels? No?
I just want to say I really like when Vanessa
said that her ears are in the front and what's
happening in the bag. It's funny because the butts in
the back. Yeah, I could, I mean, we gotta, we
gotta call all those highlights. James gonna edit a clip
(57:59):
real for us. Yeah, yeah, for the Patreon page for
v I P. So if you all could make a
list of special words or situations like that, he'll just
put him in a rack the fire. Does James forget
what he offers? No, he's excited. That's the sounding that
he's pulling all nighters. Anything for two to seven dollars.
(58:22):
Thank you, Joey Greer, I'm not sure for what. And
our engineer to the Stars doug Bane Postound design artist
Rafael Brito and I heard media to write a review
one you've ever met and write to us if your
name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name
here at alchemy this dot com, and thank you for
(58:44):
your patronage and your support. It's greatly appreciate. I'm your host,
Kevin pol until next time. And a football Hello, and
(59:17):
a football
Welcome back to another episode Alchemy, this time your host
Kevin Pollocks that Kevin is that Oh yeah, he's super chill.
I mean to the oven thing first thing out of
bed is odd, but also a perfect example of just
how much of an original James and sorry, I will
tell him you said to stay away from his wife.
Sure thing, but I digress. Let's meet our chamis in
(00:25):
no particular. Please say hello to James Ety King, James,
can I call you Johnny June June, Hannah, he's eating
right now, pull up a chair. But that's a rag gun?
Is here? How many donuts eating? That's a new diet?
Um niche Yes, if you woke up tomorrow and we're
instead married to Joey Greer, who's your first phone call to?
(00:49):
Oh what an interesting question? Is this a panic phone call? Um?
That's a great answering. Happened the cops? Is in fact
the christ paint your wagon? Chris av Verano sits beside
me again. Couple two, couple, If you were asked to
pop and lock on camera for our Patreon v I
(01:11):
p S, would you it's on the record, popping lock
without a doubt. That's uh, we're just moving on. Yeah,
we're going to last, but check your downtown if you
think him leaves. It's Joey Greer pal Joint is your
(01:33):
middle name? In fact, Carney boy, Yeah it is. Actually
it's a family name, Joey Carney Boy. Grill, Grill, That's
that's what I said. I said Gril, right, Yeah you did?
You said it correct? Is that not your name? That
is funny? Okay, well watch are we every boy just
like Kevin walk as your name? But we have to
do it for the way if you can't let what
was it? And at this time of course, would like
(01:59):
to bite you to write a review of the show.
Give you about thirty one hours to write that review.
And also if you'd like to be a super fan
and support us, we have a v i P page
on the Patreon Yeah crazy list of the v i
P cool things await you, such as bonus episodes that
you can own the v i P. The price get
(02:23):
some note depending on the pride, depending on the price
shirts upper tier for for that. Our live shows so
much like comedy theater. Course Jonas on a regular Q
and A from my home. We'll all be answering your
questions and requests you've got a very special uh the
telephone number to call in a hotline to leave messages
(02:45):
and request questions you have about Joey gret we Don't
blame you, and so much more. Check out the new
Patreon page for Alchemy This then, thanks for the love
of our scene. Suggestions for today were gathered from our
listeners like yourself. If you like to submit one, please
do please write to the podcast at your name here
at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here at
alchemy this dot com. Our first scene, in fact, comes
(03:06):
from Jesse, who wrote Alchemists. I don't have a crazy
story to tell, mostly because I worked nights in the lab,
usually alone, and don't have to stifle my laughter to
avoid glares from annoying co workers. I laugh unashamedly, as
is the proper way. Now the suggestion a man or
a woman love you, Vanessa, any faks his resume to
(03:27):
land a job that's way out of his league at
a lab. You're a loyal Day one listener, Jesse p s.
Thanks for the two shows a week. Been a godsend.
All right, Jesse, We'll see the Patreon page and middle
Leader Baker please fifty Middle Leader don't laugh. Stop it.
(03:49):
Fifty Peter Beater, a fifty million leader Beater. I'm together, scientists,
you might not be as smart as your asn't a
winked at just because I mispronounced a couple of words,
are you? Okay? I'm looking back at some of the
findings that your lab has been offering, doctor, and uh,
(04:11):
I just have some questions. Possibly maybe the TYPEO in
the middle of an experiment right now? Okay, maybe maybe later? Okay,
then I guess you don't want funding, sir. Okay, okay,
we can put this on pause for a second. Alright,
good pause, they're boiling. I'm sorry I brought you into
my office. It was was there something happening in the
last turn anything? This is on the books for weeks.
(04:33):
He is not fit? I am it sounds doctor. Doctor.
Why don't you take a step out into the talking
about Okay, okay, I'll be out there. Just what is
going on? You look amazing? Thank you? What is going
on between us? I don't give a shit about it.
I don't either. He's an idiot, which obviously, but he
(04:54):
needs to be there this week and keep seeing each other. Okay, wait,
why what do you mean? Why why does he need
to be there to week and keep seeing each other
because people need to see that kind of doctor in charge. Dylan,
if you can make me a head scientist, of course
I can, but not right now. I'm married, I got
eight kids. All right, Dylan, you're doing good work. Thank you, honey,
all the labs you're overseeing. Thank you are producing incredible products.
(05:18):
You were saying, I don't know. My secretary gets real
personal sometimes to protect you with some boundwies. That's okay,
you need to have some bad She's right. You don't
have to be first. She's right, and these boundaries need
to get relaxed. Your shoulders are to okay. Okay, look,
(05:45):
you're doing great. Great, here's what I need from you.
You know what I need from you? Pop that top
off because I'm not getting those muscles the way I
need you. All right, Well there you go. Oh my god,
that tattoo is sick. Yeah, well I was eight one that. Yes,
that man should stop us starting you. You are his ruler.
(06:07):
Yeah yeah, I'm his ruler. I'm your ruler as well.
I'm not. Mr Morgan Stern hey says here on your
thank you for filling out the sheet by the way,
you're eighteen years old. Wow. Uh, let's discuss this tattoo
idea you have for your back. Okay. So here's what
I'm thinking. It's right, Okay, So I want to put
(06:30):
something on my body that says I was alive in
nineteen You want to speak about the time so years
from now, Yeah, you'll sort. So I'm thinking tribal, sure, tribal,
tribal when he's tribe in particular, probably like Venice Beach,
Venice Beach tribal. Yeah, Okay, here's the thing. I'm not
gonna have a corporate job anyway when I get older.
(06:52):
I'm an artist who wants that. So I'm thinking of court, uh,
body building down at the beach. Yeah, something like that, surfing,
some skateboarding to all tattoo artists get this, uh personal
if they care that. I don't get that personal. I'll
just do the job. That's one of our finest artists here.
(07:13):
Want somebody just doing How is how is it that
your top teeth are going through your bottom lip? Accident
that's been happening. She's a skateboarder. It was a person
on the flaps. A crazy year for all of us.
Study it's stuff here, fucking Snoop, I gotta fun tattoo.
(07:35):
Where the fuck is Snoop? Sorry, sir, what's the problem?
What then is the problem. It's a giant dick on
my back? And he wanted, well, how do we know that?
I wanted to Hardy being dropped Harley in here? You
wanted the Harley driving arms? Yeah, that was some a
bit of American. That was a jat cock on my back.
I get all these kid story eggs on me. Can
(07:55):
we just take a look at it? Look at that? Wow,
that looks that's a beautiful fit. It's a beautiful saying
the detail is wrong, I'm just saying, there's a dad
dick on my back. What you want? I wanted to
Harley being driven by Harley? You know what represents a Harley?
Been from my Harley? Who whispered that whisper cock like
(08:21):
it was Hold on a second, um, it's me, Mr Morgan.
Cern I'm I rarely do lab visits, but I wasn't
expecting you hear this differences. We got the boots and
burners and then we're gonna just let me turn them
down really quick so that they don't over boil. Okay,
(08:44):
that was the that was the off I test the
horrible well, go rince or something. We we shouldn't use
water because that's a burn, and ever we use butter.
Rub this butter on the alright, it's my scar. I'm
(09:08):
so sorry you brought somebody with you. Hi, I'm this
person's ruler, as I am your ruler. Oh, I didn't realize.
Did anyone want to catch up? Yes, if it's just
being given out, but I'm sorry, Mr Morganson, Oh not,
(09:28):
I'm okay, I guess all right, Dylan, here's the deal. Hey,
can I just take a little minute out with this
woman I was having an affair with. I had to
break it up. That's what I'm here to talk to
you about. I heard, Yeah, it's crazy, right, she got
ugly and I had to say no, no shit. I
also need you to fire her. Done anything to distance
her from me? Yeah? Done? Fire her? No severance un done? Done?
(09:49):
You know what? Hey, you know it's getting better, the
doctor said. The doctor said, this kin should the ends
should be. Yeah, you're fired. What you're fired? I have
(10:12):
to do this. You're fired today, doctor. This woman is fired,
and she's not under our health to coverage any more.
I formally someone. She was saving the favor energy and
taking my patience. I'm getting a new face, and when
I do, you'll be sorry and you'll never know it's me.
(10:33):
Every face you see you'll wonder if I'm under it.
And okay, we're about to take the bandages off. Now.
At first you have to just sort of be open
to the idea of the sort of surgery. Do it,
Just do it. There's a process. Okay, I've told you before. No, no,
(10:55):
See she's anxious to get the best. All right, she's asking,
I want to say, if she looks funns, help me
take You can see that the patient wants the only
thing that five seconds color? What is it? Be with
you a second? I want a new surgery. Okay, what
(11:17):
do you want inflated? Now? I want a face on
my stomach? Okay, so your belly button will be your
you tell me you're the doctor. Penis perfect, okay, but
I just want something crazy in your nipples will be
your eyeballs. Okay, now, just pulling my ass. I said,
(11:40):
on my stomach, my belly of face on my belly
and stern hum will be your nose button will be
your really professional. Yeah, really professional. This is what you've
driven me too. Now I'm going to take the bandages off.
I need you to be open to what you see. Okay,
because again we did the best we could, all right,
So let's get these off. There's one tooth, take the
(12:07):
way in and I'm gonna hold up a mirror. Sick.
It's good, doesn't it slick? Yeah? She's hot? Show me, okay,
show me again. To keep an open mind? Do do
(12:27):
I not have a nose? You did'st with no face?
I need to see a miror. Okay, here he is right.
It's a different look. It's a different look. Indeed. Right,
if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the labs.
So school was good. School was good. Yeah, it's great.
(12:48):
That's great. I can get some more mash potatoes. Yeah,
it works not too hard nowadays, you know. So everything's good. Honey,
I'm gonna be out of town next that. Someone's at
the door. Did someone order? Did you order bread? I know? Okay,
I had some ketchup. Do you mind just sexing it
up when we were talking to each other? Okay? Uh
now yeah, I just in general because we get the door.
(13:11):
Who's that the do thank you? Hello? Oh holy shit? Hello, Hello?
What do you want? My name is Deborabora Alicious, Debora Alicious.
I just moved in next door. Shit, I hope that's
not going to be a problem. I got kids, or
maybe you only come out at night. What's your name? Uh? Dylan,
(13:38):
that's what I thought. Well, just say you know. I
hope we can be very good friends. Who's it the
Debora Alicious? I'm kind of freak lady. No, no, no,
I'm a beautiful woman. I'm a beautiful woman. She's very
self confident and mysterious. Oak my words, Dylan, We're going
(13:59):
to be very good name. Did I introduce myself? Where
is no money? I introduced yourself? I've read it on
the mail box. Great? Okay, great? Well, h good senior, Okay,
I would love to come in. I really don't want
your side. You don't know what she looks like. Honey,
is gonna kill the vibe? I can't we Hey? All right,
(14:23):
all right? Come on? Oh hello? Is this aren't you gorgeous?
Thank you? What is your name? Debora Alicious? That's exotic?
Are you the wife of Dylan? I'm one of them,
one of them? Yeah, yeah, I got a lot of wife,
a lot of mistresses do I'm pretty open about my
relationships for right now that I'm aware. Can we get
(14:46):
you something to eat or drink? I can't eat or
drink unfortunately with this face? Something in my tube? What
can we get you? Holy ship? It was like three
or four tubes coming at your neck do different things?
I know which too was which you don't need to
worry about it? Can you let it stress you out?
I can't have any acid in this. So if I
(15:06):
were a good hostes okay, Dboram, Mr Morgan Stern, I
hire all the scientists, would love to be working in
this lab. I've got great experience. Okay, Um, here's what
seems weird to me is of you that I don't
have a nose or the tubes? No, okay, sorry that
some of your previous experience shows that you worked in
(15:27):
labs that I run, and I don't recall you ever
working here before. Don't worry about it. Fair enough, I'd
like to be as close to Dylan as possible. Well,
I can make you two spacemates, if you know what
I mean. I don't. Okay, Well, you and Dylan will
be working side by side a couple of spacemates. Perfect
you start now? Are you going to harass me for
(15:50):
my appearance? I don't know what you're talking about. Dylan's
in his office. M okay, if I stuck all these chips,
that's a big terror. Um. Do you mind if I
put the I need to plug these tubes? And do
you mind if I used the power strip? Uh? Feel free?
(16:11):
I guess. Don't let them bother you. I'll just be
setting up my station over here. Dylan, it's me Delicious.
We've never met until yesterday. I don't recall. Your tubes
are sprains. I'm gonna look at I just have to
fit them into the valve. Don't worry. It's just whole milk,
(16:32):
and we are last night at your home. You tried
to poor eliminate in my tube. I don't I don't
recall interesting. I'm up here. You can look at my face. Hello, Hello,
holy shit. Don't let it frighten you. That's what happened
(16:55):
when the fluid levels off. Was it in my nose? It? Yeah?
They mout, what's okay? What's going on? I don't know.
Those tubes are frequent. I'm gonna look at this wall
that you get some new paintings. Did anyone notice I
have a perfect body the machiatos for you? Thank you?
That's hot. Can I get you anything? Do you have
(17:17):
any whole milk? Miss? Yes, of course, whole milk part
in the second tube from the left, second from the left.
Oh that's not bad at all. Look at that it
goes right in. Is that a thumbs up? I'm getting right?
(17:38):
That was delicious. Con I get you anything else? No,
I'd like some more time with Dylan. Sure, Dylan, you're good.
I'd like to for you to stay, if that's okay. U.
I'm a little torn now. I think you should go.
I'm gonna side with the miss. Doctor Um. The lamb
reporch don't make sense. The numbers that you were quoting earlier.
It's just you know what, some of these are up
to interpretation. And I've got a new lab assistant, and
(18:03):
see what does it make more sense if I turn
this graph upside down? No, sir, up to interpretation that
this is a science? Is this math? It should be
a fact. That is a fact, that it's math and science.
Just just once again breakdown exactly what I'm supposed to
be doing. Because I'm working with these specific isotopes and
I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be extracting or
(18:23):
interacting with all propri alcohol. We want to make sure
that we put appropriate amounts of flames. Welcome everybody to
the quarterly meaning, I'm Mr Morgan Stern. We have become
(18:47):
the faceless. Everybody in this industry knows us now as
the faceless group. Doctor m hm, your assistant, And of
course we are unique, we are strange. Do they have
to be in the rumor? Well, Dylan, I'm glad you
(19:07):
asked that. Hey, guy who brings marciatos, will you hand
me that coup please? Than Dylan, you might recognize this
boiling hot the boiling hot thing a coffee, but what's
funny is it's not an actually coffee inside. I write
(19:31):
your girlfriend? Who this was? What? Did we ever give
you a name? N I don't remember you seven said
you were having a fair with her. You fired me
in the hospital. Oh, I don't know the character of
Debora alicious. I got all these surgeries to get back
at you. He's a mirror. Oh you got my temporal form,
(19:56):
the only thing that I care about. Look at it,
saw beautiful beautiful will now go into the lab and
creates an invent fake stuff. I still don't feel like
Dr Simon is smart enough to be here. No, no,
I totally got this. I got it. I had scientists. Scientist,
(20:19):
that sounds good. He has had scientists. Sorry, I've had
plenty of scientists, and that's the answer to see. One
comes to us from Braxton, who wrote, I'm an intern
and I tend to do anything for money. One time
(20:39):
I chugged half a gallon of milk for two dollars.
I threw up three times. So if James, if James
my spirit animal, could play me the intern that does
anything for a quick buck, that would be great. I
love you, guys, Braxton. Welcome Steve. All right. I'm just
(21:02):
here to do whatever need to make sure that I
can be part of the team. It says on your
resume that you're willing to do anything for two to
seven dollars. Well I'll take the Yeah, absolutely, whatever's needed.
I'm just really looking to make a name for myself
in the industry to keep working. Okay, I'm gonna need
you to partner up with Pete. Here, partner up with Pete.
What in the world is parting. I'm gonna explain that. Okay.
(21:24):
Welcome to the world of partons. All right, I'm gonna
be your partner. Uh, not so much your partner, not
so much your friend, more of a person who's gonna
be doing things to you for money. Yeah, that's right,
all right. So where's your hand above your head please? Okay,
and I'm gonna punch your right in the stomach. Okay,
there you go, and that is two whole dollars. Okay,
(21:45):
this is this is for the industry though. I'm well, yeah,
you're about to get first hand knowledge of the industry.
I need you to walk around to all the offices.
They'll know what to do and they'll know how much
to pay you. Okay, on your way. Welcome to board.
Great to be here. Do you know do you know
if they found the body or not? Excuse me they Yeah,
I'm Steve, I'm I'm interning at this production company. Come in,
(22:07):
Come in, so do you know if they have any
idea where the body could be. They don't have any
idea where the body could be. Okay, well, then we
gotta do it with him. We can to keep this quiet, okay,
because do you know where the body could be. How
the funk was I supposed with the body? Is I'm here,
Well I'm in Connecticut. Yes, you're closer, so you figured it.
We don't know. Call me back. You call me back already,
(22:29):
interrupt your phone call. But I'm the new intern at
the production company, and uh, I'm just supposed to make
sure that anybody that needs I think donn I can
do it for him. All right? Can you hear me?
That box of rocks? Oh sure, that's the easiest couple
of bucks i've me today. Here you're getting paid for that. Kid. Now,
I need you to pick some out here and just
start chewing, um, chewing on the rock. Sorry, I'm sorry,
(22:52):
you dumb. You don't understand me. You don't know. Oh no,
I got it, I got it. Are you a dumb guy?
Because I need smart people working. I'm a smart guy.
Are you like to be a directing? It's one thing
that's your middle finger? Here's phone. Hello, they found the body.
They found the body. Stuffing on hold and your prints
(23:13):
are all over it. Yes, you're going to jail. You're
going to jail, and you're not taking me with you,
fucking idiot. Oh my god? All right, Um, I'll just
taking this rock here and look I heard that call.
I need you to take the fall from me. I
(23:34):
can get two dollars for it. Wait what I need
you to take the fall from me. I'll give you
two bucks. I can't go to jail. You just go
to jail. You're just gonna take the fall. Okay, I'll
take the fall. I guess it's uh do to here
you go, thank you. Get the fun out of You're
going to the office, all right, Hello, hi, hi, Hi,
(23:56):
I'm the new in your mouth is awful, bloody, I
was chewing on some are Actually you're adorable, you know,
but I'm an up and come around. You can spit
your teeth into my hand, well parts of them. Go ahead.
Oh there, Oh, don't rub that on your face eating. Oh,
(24:17):
I guess it is. So. I'm just supposed to make
sure that if anybody needs to do. I like tigers, sure,
kinds of animals, big cats. Yeah, of course. And you
said you are the new entre. Yeah, I'm just supposed to,
you know, one ft through the doorway. Oh, this is
a cute little cat. And it's a cute little cat.
(24:37):
Lock the door, okay, close the blink all right. See
that cat. I'm sorry, eat that cat. But this cat's
a lie. Eat the cat. Please don't make me. You
know what kind of day? I don't know what casting
has been up my ass? Oh you do? Cast an
(25:00):
EP fell out of the production. We need a million
more dollars. Only one thing can make me feel better.
I need you to eat the Okay, I'll do it.
I'll do it. Never killed. Come on, it's wait stop,
(25:25):
this is too late. Oh no, oh no, I can't
stop finish. Why are you Oh you're a month No,
it's you're you just killed psychopath, psychopath Steve. I'm sorry,
but it's been brought to my attention that you're acting
like a real psychopath or on the office. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
(25:49):
yes yes, and just doing it what people are telling
me to do. My doors open so I can get
a foot in the business. I want to believe you.
I want to believe you. Okay, there's one more thing
can do. Oh thank god, it's one more person you
can see. Okay, he's the head honcho. Really, yeah, that's good,
the president of this entire company. Okay, now he already
(26:13):
heard about the horrible things I've done so far. He
doesn't know. I'm covering for you. By the way, an
entire swat team came in here asking for you. You
have seen something about some kind of body or whatever
that was me. I sent him away. Thank you, covering
for you. But wow, I want you on the team.
What do you mean he just went away when the
guy said he wasn't there. You're a fucking warrant. He
(26:35):
freeze and then you said freeze. You're the fucking FBI team.
You're the fucking swat team of the FBI. Right, You're
the sweat team. Do the SWEBBI? You understand this? Holy God,
am I I feel like I'm He told us to
go and you have a warrant? Do you not? I
(26:58):
don't have a warrant? What do you not for? You know?
We left the Warren on the dresser. Warren? Wait, we
left Warren back there? No, no, no, no war Where
is Warren? Oh God, it's warrant? Where is Warren? I
don't know. I'm trying to interrupt you. Uh, come on,
(27:23):
warm me. Wow, I've expected you to be kind of
a city guy. Expectations are the routed. It's worn night.
Do you want me to keep feeding you sir, I
wouldn't be there. What's your name? Do you want me
to keep massaging him? Okay, my name is Stephen. I'm
the new intern at the Steve had a lot of
(27:45):
that hopefully good things. Steve turned around for me to
turn around. Okay, all the way around a lot more, Dad, Okay,
you do say you this be a really good host
any songs by Teddy fender Grass. I don't know who
(28:06):
Teddy Fender Grass is. Pendergrass, Yeah, that's right, Pentagrass, Steve,
I want you to learn the first two albums from
Penney Pendegrades, and I want you to go back tomorrow
and sing him to me. Now, what we do is
we make us pentagram right here, and then we sow
(28:28):
win the ancient spirits of Hell. And you're sure this
is gonna make me like I am Teddy Pentagram and
this is my music for Satan himself, alright, doing stand this.
I'm just not a musician, so I don't know if
this is gonna So what you gotta do here is
you gotta uh use this ruler here to make this
angle and then this angle here. This will work. I
(28:48):
am Teddy Pentagraph, so I know it all. This is
what you're gonna need for tomorrow. Blue graphs. I don't
know I have blue graphs. Okay, Well, I just need
to make sure if if you enter from here and
then you can see there's a cord door there and
I mean everything's right there in the key. Uh, and
(29:08):
then you'll be able to figure out I'm Teddy Penthouse
Maps and I am reaching now, so uh reach reach okay,
never mindus, Mr Penthouse massr Penthouse Maps. H. Yes, it's
true about the allegations, are you It's true? I am
breeding alligators, and yes, happen to your wife. Time to
(29:29):
your wife. There's no way to tells you might have
gone through a different dimension. They found her body, Mr
penter Grass, Where where is her soul? Thank you? No
more questions? Thank you? Did you see what I did
that they could? So? What kind of wait you're looking
for today? Man, panti grass, I'm looking for some like
(29:53):
an eighth of panty grass? Eighth? Okay? If you tried
making say that again? Is that if you try this swaggy, uh,
it really should be panty panty grass? What you saying
panto guys? To what who you're saying? Panty grass? Too?
Is the one day get the wrong idea. I'm sorry, dispense.
(30:16):
Oh wow, are you that's our security man? Take a
step back. All right, Tommy, I don't know if I
needed to be drown on me. I'm I'll shoot you
in the head man, tom Hey, Steve, dude, but this
is a big day for you. Huh. I heard you
talk to the big to the Headhunt show yesterday. Come back.
I hope you've got everything you need, don't. I don't
have anything waiting for you. But hey, please, you got
(30:39):
quick some advice here. Okay, be you me, just be you, bud. Hey,
welcome to the team. Thank you, oh ship, hold on hello,
Hey it's your mom. Hi mom, So did you make
it big yet? Mr? I'm one ft in the door.
Your dad and I are very sick. We can't pay
for our medical bill. Don't worry. Don't worry. I'm sure
(31:01):
that this medical later. Oh my god, what's going on?
There's this left the team. We got a word for you,
all right. We know you didn't we know you killed
that guy. Don't do anything. Hang up. They're probably for me, mom.
They're probably for me to cut you up up. Mom. Okay,
(31:26):
so I think cut's up, Jeeve, I don't know. It
was a startling phone call for well, hey, look alive,
here we go, Here we go, here we go. Okay,
look look, okay, go get them. Let me get that
dory out, Steve. Steve the guy sixty degree turns. Yeah,
didn't we try it again? I'm I going to tell me, Oh,
(31:49):
you know about Teddy pend Teddy Pendergrass. Tell you all
I know? Or sing a song? Okay, Red and goes
like this. One day I learned about Teddy pender Grass
and that's all the things. Don't laugh, don't left and left.
I'm almost there, and he's got the penty grass or
(32:13):
some weet. And this is a nice graph and this
is penthouse map. Is that what you wanted? Another? Sadly?
Because I did so well on that one, exactly five
dollars when I might be able to pay for my
tears on your resume? You do anything? Is that exactly
(32:37):
the way I wrote it? At you anything for gas? Yeah?
I think that is what I wrote. I'll stand by
that agreement. Alright. I'm on de bay. I wouldn't do
I would do any fucking thing you said for thirty
seven dollars, Okay, I want you to do an imprisonation
(32:58):
for me. Okay, voices and the character. It's not my
strong super thirties seven dollars okay, right, please not the
Norwegian accent. You gotta do it perfect and if you don't,
you get nothing. Okay, I need that. Thirty seven dollars.
Steaks aren't that high. He came here to make a living. Yeah,
(33:21):
so like nothing worse happens if he doesn't do it. No, no, no,
no no, just do something fun it up, make him
do something crazy when I trust these things. So at
thirty seven dollars, if you can do it, and if
you can't do it, they just get to put one
knife into you. Didn't. Yeah, they decided where I didn't
(33:42):
want to be like an accessorated it. Well, you're gonna
have to commit children. Do we get money? Impressions okay,
go ahead, he's not a person. Well I think I
could do it. Go ahead, go ahead on easy to
please Teddy pentagraph those are not okay? What is the
(34:06):
impression an Australian? No, don't don't don't know. Go on,
don't rocket that okay, okay, idea of my eyes. Okay,
I got this, I got this. I'm gonna try to
cut through bond. Okay, cr w A y you were
(34:39):
in the wrong room, war Warren, you were in the
wrong room. Where are you hanging out waiting? Are you guys?
We're on thirteen seven eight Okay? Yeah, I was like no.
I was like like, oh, that's new information that everyone
(35:01):
died because he went to the wrong room. Warn't got
the wrong warrant special I was going to keep Steve alives,
to be honest, That's why you were there. That's what
I like that a lot. He was so willing. Our
final scene comes from and there's an odd spelling in
(35:22):
the name I C A L l i O p
E calliope. Yeah, that's how you spelled calliope. Where's that
name from? Like probably the music d Yeah, that's this
person's first thing. This is called a cap interested So
am I I could be wrong about a lot of
(35:44):
this confidence confident. I think that's all correct. Calliope wrote, Hi, alchemists,
sorry in advance about my name. That being said, don't
go mispronouncing it. We didn't know I was here. I
started listening to your podcast after hearing several promos on
stuff you should know. Oh great and I'm I'm pretty
skeptical about comedy podcast, but I figured if it's good
(36:05):
enough for Josh Clark, it's good enough for me. We
thank Josh for that. I'm so glad I finally gave
it a listen. You guys are a class act. Yes, certainly,
thanks for making me crack up as I'm drawing my
stupid web comic. Oh, maybe you can work for us.
We'd love to see you a web comic of We
(36:26):
the Alchemists. Please Calliope. My scene suggestion is as follows.
An incredibly handsome man has a blind date. However, he
is sick of women falling in love with his appearance alone,
so he sends out his nerdy brother as a decoy,
discreetly coaching him from nearby as he lurks in the shadows.
Keep up the great work. Callia Pi ludick Er. Now look,
(36:49):
just tell him your name is Dan and you'll be fine. Okay, Okay, um, hey,
thanks for giving me. Shut up. Okay, don't say thank you.
I'm not a bit you know, but you're my brother
and we don't get to see each other alive. And
there's a reason for that. Okay, you're weird looking and
you got hobbies that I don't like. Okay, so you're
telling me this earpiece. I can hear everything you say. Yes, okay,
(37:10):
you won't be far though, No, I might be. You're fine, okay, okay,
But I think the goodness is if if you like
what you hear from her, you'll know she's the real exactly.
And also I know how this works. Okay, all right,
you don't need to okay, Yes, okay, you got that, Yes,
you got that. You can snap your fucking neck. Hi,
what's the name do you have for reservation? Yes? And
(37:36):
are you meeting me? I am your face? Go for
a fist, bump, hit that pounding party of two, Dylan,
party of two? Okay, that's us. Tip the major Nancy
will take you to your table. Not so fast. What
do I have here? It's for you? Thank you so much.
(37:57):
Put him a table seven, table seven me. That was
all my cash. That was all my cash. Tip the
person in another to the table. I don't have anything,
and this is your table, Dylan, thank you so much.
Don't you move? Do you can? I ask you a
personal question. I don't know do you have any cash
on you? What are you doing? I have I have
(38:18):
seventy getting that money. Get that money? Can I borrow
that first? Sex? I will beam you right now? Why
I swear I wouldn't you one another day? I don't
want I don't wantld on, hold on, hold on, Okay,
it's okay. I don't need to have a tip particular.
(38:39):
Why would you? Why would you assume I was gonna
give you a tip because you wanted me to stay
right here and you just I'm gonna walk away. I'm
gonna walk away your table. Okay, get that money, Get
that money. Okay, Okay, okay, Jesse, I just need it.
I just needed I really shouldn't take that money. T
give that tip. Give me that tip. Get the list,
(39:08):
don't you say list? Okay? Okay, I'm gonna fan you off. Okay,
sing touring and what do you love with the sound
of your voice? And the sound? There you go? There?
(39:30):
It was pretty. Hey, here's the wine? Why do you?
Here's the wine? List is for you, and here you
can have your seventy five back. Get that money. This
is yours, alright, alright, thank you. I'll be back in
a moment. Gentlemen, Always tips, gentlemen, always don't say that
(39:52):
I was telling you that the headset is because I'm
currently at work. You're a gamer, I'm a gamer gamer. Yeah,
but she said your in silence, Well help help? What
you pay for games? I pay for games? I pay
I pay for games. Who are you talking to you?
You're talking into that headset? Get out? Okay, well this
(40:13):
has been a real pleasure. Where are you going? You
took my se I'll get back to Where are you going?
Why did you come back to the van? Why did
you come back to the van? Where are we supposed
to go? I don't get the funk out of you.
They can't see started, I can't starting and take it.
(40:37):
What then, do you think you were joining to me?
This has been okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. It might
be a pink gun, but it works like a silver gun.
Or I'm blanking. I'm taking his headset off. My name
isn't Dylan? Okay? Man, that did not work out? Did
not work out? Give me out of this hospital in
a second, dude, I gotta land a date. I'm being
a hot guy. My name is Dylan's our little patient
(40:59):
to do good doctor, not great. It's two gunshot wounds.
I think it's going to be fine. I mean they're
both to the head. Why are you looking at my brother?
Where do I know you from? I don't know. I'm
in finance. Really don't go out that much. I'm a doctor.
I don't go out that much either. Oh, sh some
(41:19):
blood splatters on your shirt. To mind if I take
my shirt off? Yeah, let's just make sure you are okay.
You can just press the button if you want any
more pain killers. Yeah. I just need to make sure
you don't have any gunshot wounds. Doctor. Is it okay
if I take my brother out to the hospital. No,
it's not okay, But you just have to take those
pants off. I'm afraid you're having a gunshot wound under this.
(41:41):
It might be a whole but alright, man, listen, last
time that was awful. Okay. I've had three and a
half months to recover. I feel good. I'm willing to
do one more date. One more. You're gonna do a
ship ton more. You're not just gonna do one more?
Fine to hand my fucking snap. Okay, all right, same
(42:04):
same thing. Let's go in there and let's do it right.
Hold on, let me take my cash count realquick. I
want to make sure having a money probably tippy, I
need to do okay, I have three dozen dollars in cash.
I should be good. Let's go. Okay, welcome. Do you
have verybody? Yes, Dal, I'm meeting somebody here. So party
(42:27):
party of two times you have? That's eight fifteen? Tip them? Please? Please?
No party here to meet Dylan. Oh wait, what am
I supposed to say? You're supposed to say? Hi, I'm
(42:48):
here to meet Doing Hi. I'm here to meet doing Hi.
I'm Dylan. I'm Veronica, Veronica. Are you the two that's
got the eight fifteen? Yes? Tip him three k Let
me table I can get for you. Maybe this can
help you necessary. Please take a lot of giggle when
he gives the tip amount of any tell do well,
(43:13):
I think you could sit anywhere you won't really do
not take the cash. Do not take the cash. I
can't take this. I'm sorry. I don't know what. We're
not allowed to We're not allowed to take I'll take
the cash. Okay, don't give for the cash. No, you
can't have to have that. Gentleman tips, Give gentleman tips,
a gentleman tips. Don't don't say that. I don't do that,
(43:35):
he said. A gentleman TIFFs. Get him to a table.
I need to get you to a table. Show that
you need to use the restaurom I need to piss.
Let me sure you follow you don't follow me? Follow
its follow me? Okay, it's uh, this is a nice bathroom.
I'll listen to you pee. I can't. I'm breaking sure
(43:58):
to tell tell him it's actually a number two. It's
actually a number two. Explained that that means poop. Thank you.
Now just do it? Think you know him? Number two
stands for poop. I know I prefer to do that alone.
I'll wait outside. Got him. How is my table ready? Yes?
(44:21):
Table four? Whenever you let give him a kiss on
the cheek. I'm just gonna thank you for your patroning. Okay,
well that seems weird. Radio, do you have a WiFi
signal going on? Just go to the restaurant. Climb out
the window, climb out the Why did you send me
(44:43):
in on the mission? If right, next day will be great.
This one's just three. Thou don't think I can fit
out the window? Okay? Okay, you're getting up to sneak
around window? Okay, okay, okay, well all round window ship
style okay, that makes sense. Put some hands so around
your belly to be like a lubricant to get out
(45:04):
the window. Are you taking no? I think a ship
a ship. I think it's a real ship. Wait you
want on a ship? Welcome to Norwegia Airlines. We're a ship.
We're not plane. We say airlines, but it's it's a
ship in the sea. Strap in and Sean your activities director,
(45:27):
it's the captain. Spreak in. We're going to be in
a smooth ab here to in Norway. Thank you over
going ys this afternoon. Please be particularly notice of the
safety at all time. Particularly noticed the safety. Everybody. It's me, Sean,
the yes sisted activities director. I want a transfer. Now
(45:50):
what I say me? You say who? Me? What I say? You?
You say cool? You cool? Cool? This is when great guys.
I just gotta say this right up top, Captain, there
is something wrong with the radiator. But sope. We might
(46:12):
just want to dock. But do you want to press
out so well that the problem is. I talk to
the captain, but this the guy is an imposter. This
is a single propeller on you. There's no way here
we kept Yeah, there's something wrong with radio anyway. I
think I'll be able to fix it, but I'm gonna
need a giant wrench. All right, here's a giant wrench
(46:33):
right here. Let's just pick it up off of the wall. Well, Um,
as your doctor, it seems as though you've suffered um
many much bruising, maybe much bruising. Indeed, circulation was cut
off around the middle. Now somebody dropped you off and
(46:55):
then took the headset you were wearing off and ran
ran away. So you seem to be alone here. Um,
I'm just the doctor. Who is I'm sorry? I'm looking
for my brother. Jesus Christ. You're gorgeous? Is this? Who
are you? My name is still? What did you just
ask me to suck my dick? I said, can I
(47:18):
suck you? But it was like it was like an
instinct and didn't mean to say that. It's already happened.
I bet you got a whole I can I suck here?
I do? No, No, you cannot. I'm gonna look on
your brother. What's your brother's name, Timmy? I'm not acent?
What what was his injury? I don't know. Look, I've
(47:43):
never met someone who's looking through me like that. Oh
I like your vibe. Don't talk to me my bruising.
Oh sorry, I'm sorry. I was stuck in a porthole.
I was wondering, do you want to maybe get so much?
(48:07):
I had three thousand bucks. I can blow on some food.
I know just the place where Marinos, Marinos everything. There's
about thirty dollars. Started interrupting. I didn't find your brother,
but I did find some chapstick. And I am no
doctor for anything you need. I don't want. I didn't
know a blow job for anything I need. I didn't
say blowjob. What did you say? Suck you? Okay, I'm
(48:29):
good doctor, thank you? Okay, you were released. By the way,
I think we're going to Marinos. Tell him that I
didn't know the secret. What the date I want to date?
And this guy suggests a year. I'd be happy to
do anything for you. Hey, welcome to Marino's. Gonna. Yes,
(48:50):
i'd like a table for two. I'm the other person.
I bet you would. Yes, we got note tables right,
and I think I could do a floor's situation. Yeah,
there you go. How about I don't have money for food?
Is that about? That is three? That's three? You got
(49:14):
a table just opened? Up. Let me take your table
free table four? Now their booths? What was the name?
What are you guys doing? Can we help you with
some We're gonna need you that. We're right in the
middle of her me. You gave him some money. Guess
what yours done? What we're talking about? Wine on my head?
My wife and I are celebrating today. Well, we're all
(49:35):
celebrating today. I need this day. Push me, don't push me?
Booth is gonna touch my bruises? Wait? Is he gonna're
gonna for us to harness her up? So okay, three
of the most swords will hurt my bruises. I can
sit on the table. Oh you know what, let's just
get a tub of water until just float. That would
be great. That's gonna be in the the three do gee, sweetheart, Gosh,
(49:59):
that was a weird experience, and say, hey, we've got
kicked out. You know what I think it was because
I didn't tip change? Cans you a question? No, can
ask you a question? Yeah? No, change? No. Why don't
you look with that guy? That guy, Why don't you
look with the guy in the restaurant who took her time? Yes,
(50:19):
it's genetics. I don't know what you're asking. I'm going
back in. Wait, no, don't go back in. Let they
come back here. Certain you want some change, Yeah, my
husband's got tons of tons of change. No, no, no, no,
this has changed him. Saving Wait, don't, don't, don't go
okay one batub, Yeah, okay, here we go. There's the
bathtub of the lady. Thanks, and I guess you could
(50:39):
just drop the spaghetti and side and shill slip it right. So,
um you eat anything? Is that right? Yeah? Yeah? I
like everything. I love that. You got a nice face.
Thank you, Thank you? Didn't number two in the You
(51:04):
just pooped in the tone. That's what that is. So
maybe let's not have the spaghetti in there. She just
don't put the spaghetti in the top. She just pooped
in the get this spaghetti. Let's get the turned out
of there too. This is my lady's water. By the way,
it's made me pretty disconnected with what's going on in
(51:26):
my body, So you don't have to oppose. I didn't
know I was doing that until I sort of saw it.
My spinker is loose. Maybe could you just use your
finger to help scoop it into the y Excuse me
for pain for the experience, have to work. I get
to it. Would you too like to hit the specials? Yes? Please? Yeah,
well probably end up with something like spaghetti. Well we
(51:46):
get spaghetti, but here's a couple of choices of what
to put on the spaghetti. We got gotta mcgett as
a google, right then, that is what do you mean?
That is? I'm just not familiar with the callu callum
a kissing. Yeah, it's just sus Yeah, yeah, real nice
to be for my grandmother's recipe. Your grandmother's recipe, that's
what I'm saying. She works here. No, she did not
(52:09):
do Marino's get the recipe because it's my grandma she
passed down. Your grandma was Marino. No, I'm Marino, you're Marino.
What's all the question? I just want to make sure
you wanted to hear the specials? I don't. Yeah, we did.
I think can we get a we got this clean up?
I don't want any specials. You're going to the water
on my lady. Excuse me. I hated to interrupt. I
(52:32):
was the one who was sitting here earlier. You can
tell by my how wet my head is because of
the wine that was poured over my head when we
give our table for you, I want to be with you.
Oh who are you talking to you? I'm on a date.
Can you say that? Can I join her in the tub?
I can't join her in the Please I'm getting in
I'm kidding. Hi. Hey, Wow, that's a lot of poop
(52:58):
they got stuck on a porthole. Stup based on like
cheese cloths. Diarrhean in here? Excuse me, Sarah, and appreciate
all the cash you paid up front. Yeah, you're real nice.
We got the bathtub, we filled it with what you wanted.
But can we not be yelling diarrhean in my restaurant?
I would love to do that if your restaurant wasn't
giving my lady diarrhya. She hasn't eaten nothing, so she's
(53:21):
in your water. Yeah, so you're saying the water maritime law.
You got me on a technicality. I think we do
all right. So we'll hear the specials again. You want
to hear them all over again? Start with the first one. Okay,
Well that you said you want to hear the book
goes on the spaghett right, so that we got the sausage.
What was that Italian word? Calamaro tegi or something to
(53:47):
call too. Right, that's our first sauceage. We're still in
this bathtub. Okay, great checking in These are a special
Listen up, sir. We got shrimp shrimps, but a bet
it's a sausage of the shrim right. We got chicken back. Yeah,
(54:11):
that's a how she's doing it again? Stop making up
so many words. We got some wings, some hot wings
on the spaghetti. More American food, more American. Yeah, we
got cheeseburger burgers. I think we'll do I think we'll
(54:31):
do two of those. Yeah, two of those. Yes, please,
I your burger with bun. Okay, I'll take my medium,
thank you? All right, let me know if you need
anything in I'm pretty much wanted to tell you you're
knocking me off my feet while you're in water. I'll
get out of here, all right. Looking do this often,
(54:57):
I have a problem. I'm too attractive to be around
of people. I have a different sort. I have a problem.
I know you're real, you're a human being. You're a
human being. You can okay, can you hear me? Yeah?
I can hear you over it? And noises in the
back of my ears are in the front. Oh man,
that smells coming up. Can we get another tub of water?
Because this is this is turned What what happened to? What?
(55:22):
She's diarrhe? It's hurting my eyes. I don't know. I
was recently stuck in a porthole after I mean it
was it was a crazy day. I was, I was uccept,
I was listening to my sister. My sister was speaking
in at earpiece. I was on a date. I got
stuck in a porthole. Wait, this is your sisters on
(55:43):
the earpiece with you now. Uh so this is all
just a sham to get to me. No, oh my god,
you know what, Dylan, Dylan, you got all wrong. I know,
never did that thing. I don't want to see you
your diarrhea, wet ass. Okay, that's our final scene and
(56:08):
ours show. Oh it was our our our mission statement
from the outset, those of you still with us, to
always end the forty second scene with your diarrhe and ass.
And I want to thank Joey perfectly welcome. All right,
(56:29):
that's our today. MAUI is the word. And uh, Vanessa,
thank you for being here once again, Thank you for
having we appreciate all that you do. I'm sorry for
everything I put into the universe. No, no, uh and
uh dysa typewriter dot com, Yes, and Dynasty Typewriter Instagram. Also,
(56:49):
don't forget that and alchemy this Instagram. We're doing fun
stuff on there, like even answering questions, going some crazy stunts,
even taking it on some of the biggest roller cansters
in this country. That's right, you had a Q and
A yourself. I did. I couldn't field all the questions
that came out. So far, nobody's had any questions for me,
but I look forward to answering some. That'll be great.
(57:10):
And James Jeney, thank you for being here. Thanks for
having me here. Anything you want to tell the phone? Well,
I mean check. Danny's making great work on our instagrament
Instagram is Danny Joey? It's not. I want to clarify. Okay,
he's not. You know, Danny's our dude. He does not
look at all like Joey's. Thanks for having me, man um.
(57:34):
How is uh your your re acclamation to the West
Coast going seamless? Oh? Great? Don't you miss the bagels? No?
I just want to say I really like when Vanessa
said that her ears are in the front and what's
happening in the bag. It's funny because the butts in
the back. Yeah, I could, I mean, we gotta, we
gotta call all those highlights. James gonna edit a clip
(57:59):
real for us. Yeah, yeah, for the Patreon page for
v I P. So if you all could make a
list of special words or situations like that, he'll just
put him in a rack the fire. Does James forget
what he offers? No, he's excited. That's the sounding that
he's pulling all nighters. Anything for two to seven dollars.
(58:22):
Thank you, Joey Greer, I'm not sure for what. And
our engineer to the Stars doug Bane Postound design artist
Rafael Brito and I heard media to write a review
one you've ever met and write to us if your
name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name
here at alchemy this dot com, and thank you for
(58:44):
your patronage and your support. It's greatly appreciate. I'm your host,
Kevin pol until next time. And a football Hello, and
(59:17):
a football
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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