June 10, 2021 • 57 mins
Secret agent takes his toddler to work.
Terminator can’t find Sarah Conner.
The Scarecrow discovers the ocean is near the shore.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchamys Covid one a dish.
I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes that Kevin Pollock? What's that? Yes?
Last week during the opening, I did this bit where
in I gave out Joey GIRs cell number and I
realized now that was wrong. I want to apologize to
you the listener on of course, at the job the
(00:24):
number I gave you was his landline, his cell numbers
three one oh eight. No, no, but I digress. Let's
mean our acumen, shall we know? Particular orders? Say hey
to Christo Varado shoe lover, do you have a type
of everyday socks that you always choose over the others? Yes?
One thousand per cent right there from there. As a
(00:45):
matter of fact, I just ordered five more pairs two
days ago from Uni Clow pronounced unique Clow. But I've
got a Uni club now. You know, we all you know,
we're hip. We don't want to show our socks, and
some people do. Some people do. That's kind of a trend.
But for my my choice of no show suck is
not the no show suck from Uni Clo. It's the
low cut sock from Uni Cloe. Now, The difference is
(01:08):
it's still no show. Get a little more support. That's right,
because their classic no show or those thin almost like
ballerina style ban and they fall underneath. These are sturdy.
I'm wearing them now. They're good in crocs. Ladies and
gentlemen and or however you identify. I cannot stress. I
just spend eighty five dollars on strictly underwear and socks
(01:29):
two days ago from Uni close. The Aroism stuff is great.
It breathes, it feels fancy because you know why you're
worth it. Nice you had me and I wear them
in crocs, all right? And now Craig Atkowski with the
nineteen eighties VHS tape review corner Coco. Okay, all right,
I have rented uh which board? Which board? Nice on VHS?
(01:59):
Pop it in right now? Okay? Was I supposed to
watch it ahead of time then review it or probably? Okay? Warning?
Next UBI warning, FBI warning, Okay, I get it. Just
the tracking, I get some lines there, just the tracking.
(02:22):
Wow breaking, FBI warning. I think it's frozen. That might
be frozen. There's frozen. It's which board, It's definitely which board. Hey,
there's James Zeney, Johnny James, if you had a message
for kids out there, what would it be? When you're
(02:43):
leaving town when you get older, make sure, doubly sure
that you take your trash out, because otherwise your whole
month long vacation, you're gonna think to yourself, God, if
it gonna be roaches, is it gonna be naggets? What
am I gonna find it? Might? What? Jeff, do you
(03:04):
need any of us to swing by your place and
throw up? I kept all my keys. I can get
all my keys. Don't give him to my roommates. Yeah,
so I shipped it too. I shipped my keys to
a dear friend. He gave me the wrong address. It's
just been a real bad time. Guess if somebody knows
(03:24):
how to get through a dead bull and take out
my trust set with everyone knows how to get through
a dead boat, James. It's called a key. So if
you could again send the key to the correct address, Well,
the first one is, uh, it's stuck in transit. I'm
gonna have to double. I'm gonna have to do next
day shipping. Now for the next setting, all right. Much
like um Greg's VHS tape review, corner. We will check
(03:47):
back in with you for the rest of the story.
What the who Now it's Mark Gagliardi, snob. What's the
one job you simply could not do but had to? Uh?
Traveling salesman? Keep going. I needed a job when I
first moved to l A and uh, and so I
(04:07):
got a job as a traveling salesman. And I rode
shotgun for one day with a dude in a three
piece suit, a big, like hulking, fifty something gentleman in
a hot sunny day in a three piece suit, in
a sedan in southern California. And he made me sit
in the car next sitting shotgun. He pulled over and
(04:30):
we he would just drill me on sales. And I
found out that day I cannot sell anything. And we
are selling Kirby vacuum cleaners. What were you we were selling? Uh?
We were selling local air time for the local spots
on the cable network, on the on the cable system. Yeah.
(04:52):
So normally, when I think of the term business to
business traveling salesman, right, I picture somebody in factory in town.
No no no, no, I mean traveling in a car with
a fellow just like from the valley till like, yeah,
that's that's traveling salesman. Okay, yeah, you can just say salesman.
(05:15):
Look man, if I'm just a salesman, then I'm doing
it from my computer. If I gotta get up and
go to any other room, you got a traveling salesman.
Oh I love that you found out that day. Yeah.
I saw Kirby Vacuum cleaners for half a day and
realized the same same realization. Not for me. Guy I
was with could pour shut out in somebody's carpet and
cleaned it up with the with the Kirby and sell
(05:37):
Sell Sell I could first time I poured shut out
its carpet, they said, get the funk out of my
house and it was over for me. And last but
sweet pink eye for you. If you think of leaves,
it's Joey greer toe nail keeper. What's the one thing
you would kick a lover out of bed for doing?
(05:59):
Bringing too much ice cream? And let's do it, damn
show all of our scenes suggestions again you emails or
from our patron v I piece to become a patron
supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content and other
perks such as video of Joey and Bed with ice cream.
Just head on over the patron dot com slash is
(06:20):
if you also uh you get in archives are monthly
cast hang video. We do them live and then they
live in archives for Patron supporters only. There's another perk
if you'd like some of the season justined by email.
Please right to the podcast at our new email address, Alchemy.
This email at gmail dot com. That's Alchemy. This I've
(06:44):
seen one comes to Patron v I P. Toyevo, who
wrote Dear Kevin dash Cole, it took me over twenty Nope,
took me over two years and two four episodes of Alchemy.
There's to realize that Joey Greer is actually pretty okay. No, actually,
Joey is my new number one outcome is do not
get me wrong, gang. I love each and every one
(07:06):
of you, especially Joey's random background shouts from background characters
and hilarious hold on, hold on, hold on, hold a
little bit. So he said he loves Joey, but don't
get us wrong, he loves all of us, especially Joey's
characters exactly. You know what, dude, I do know Wheah,
(07:26):
I don't think he likes me either. I think he
just likes the people that are in the background. He
likes when Joey's in the background, is my takeaway as well. Um,
and what he likes about each of us is the
fact that Joey's in the background. Yeah. Uh, that said,
I have ah, gosh, let's see, let's get to them.
That said, I have some more things to say about Joey. Yeah,
(07:48):
since I'm now a dad of a six month old
boy and suffer from long term sleep deprivation, I'd love
if you guys could conjure up a scene where a
secret agent has uh to take his unusually intelligent toddler
to work your faithfully Toybo of the fin Land. Okay,
I think, as you know, Agent seven oh six is
(08:12):
in the field, and um, he's going to be reporting
back to us in just the next couple of minutes.
But seven oh six, yes, that's right, double O seven,
it's Agent seven oh six. Seven oh six yeah, yeah, yeah,
so he's gonna be reporting back to us from the
field shortly. I just want to make sure everyone has
(08:34):
questions and comments for when he does. You want to
make sure we have questions and comments for him? Yeah,
when when he checks in, I was seven six, yeah,
thirty two. I'm not quite sure. Shouldn't he have questions
for us? I guess I'm I don't understand exactly what
I'm doing here. Ly sorry, I have a question as well.
(08:57):
Is this I thought this was a debriefing, not briefing.
I'm not quite sure. I thought. I feel silly. I
feel a little bit a bit odd. I didn't know
if we were supposed we just is it pleasant Trees
that was to be asking him? Or are we asking
him about specifically a mission that he was on Fellas,
he's been in the field for seventeen months straight, he's
gonna be checking in, Okay, somebody needs to help me
(09:25):
through the commenting on what's happening. Well, you better take
him with you, Okay. I'm sorry. I had him the
last two weeks in my job. It's your turn now
to take care of the kid. I'm sorry. That's just
how it is, all right. My work is breathing down
my neck. I can't have him around. He's like going
into all the finance records and change. I stopped fighting
you attractive the moment you told me you were pregnant.
(09:46):
Oh my god, did you think you know why I
slept with you. Do you know why I slept with you?
I don't know, because you were drunk, because you're always drunk.
I know it was sober that night. No I would
get to get back at my boyfriend. Okay, all right,
did it work? Yeah? I worked? Okay, but he's totally
open with a threatle all right. Now, look, you need
to take care of Henry, all right, and you need
(10:07):
to bring him to work whatever that means. I don't care.
I don't don't tell me it's secret. Mother, Please stop
fighting Henry, Henry. We're not fighting, okay with him, Henry,
call him to eleven, Henry to go to work with you. Okay, Okay, Henry,
you're gonna go to work with your dad, all right?
Not packed you a lunch? Okay, a little thermos in
(10:29):
there with your decaffinite of the coffee. I'm sorry. I'm
not gonna give you caffine. That's just too much. Do
you want do you want to tell? Do you want
to tell? Mother? The three numbers we came up for her?
Six six six six six six bells. That's also just
a number. I don't agree that was more seven or six.
(10:52):
I don't believe in that. It doesn't matter, and it's
just obviously it's symbolism to talk about the Romans at
the time, Okay, Nero was sacrificing Christians. That's just what
it meant. Look, Henry, don't start flarting with me now. Okay,
now that's the time you had your chance. Okay, you
start talking to history. Things are bound to come up.
Six six six, what's going on? I'm gonna pin a
(11:13):
fifty dollars to your chest. Why don't you do that?
So he has some money to get what he wants.
I don't know what's at your work. Maybe there's some alright,
that's why you're living in my apartment. But I drive
a fucking Alpha Romero, don't I Yeah, yes, a Alpha Romero.
It's don't say the year. So seven oh six and
(11:36):
two eleven, sixteen and one half months you have been
in this cellar and we've not gotten any word from
you about the numbers on that fifty dollar bill pinto
the little wound's shirt. You're going to sit there and
tell you. Until you tell us what those numbers mean,
you'll know this. Can I have my sandwich? Now? No,
(12:00):
you can't have your sandwich to eleven. Your sandwich is
here just out of arm shot. Though in the last
sixteen and one half months you have had a bit
of a growth spur, so I did have to move
the sandwich just a little bit. I'm three now. Congratulations,
tell us what we want to know I have done
(12:22):
over here? Can you do something about him? By the way,
I can't. He's one of my favorite characters in the back.
He just yells things every once in a while. It's
my favorite part of job. We don't look at me
when you're saying that. You're looking at me like you're
gonna give me a compliment, and then you switch it
and say you like him. I will give you no compliments.
Seven or six. I've not got information out of you
(12:43):
or your tiny version. You give me information you want,
and then you can go to your precious conference call
where everyone asks questions kind of a performance review, your
performing your perform it thus far has been subpart. And
now want to the numbers on free blood job, Blood Job.
(13:07):
Do you think maybe I could take some time with
the kid. I mean, we've always wanted to have kids
and we've never had any. I feel like maybe you
can get more bees with honey, Olga, not now, please,
I'm trying to do I'm trying to do my work, Olga. Look,
he's so we've always wanted to have a kid. Keep
your hands off his cheeks. He is adorable. He does
have adorable cheeks. Get your hands off his cheeks. I
(13:29):
would if you're even entertaining the idea, like, go ahead
and do it, like this is the time, This is
the time to have a kid. Alright, alright, hold on,
hold on, alright, alright, this is enough. I see my
boy is growing up here in this cell. I want
him to have a good life. I'm going to give
I'm going to give you the information you need, finally,
(13:49):
the information you want, and explain to you what's going on.
Go through the numbers on this fifty bill and not
funny business. Got to slide the sandwich back a bit. Oh,
he's my favorite character, favorite character. I knocked over my
heart thought, I can't get it. It's always something we
(14:13):
never know quite what is happening. But something is happening
back there. It's like Sean of Dead. Now tell me
what numbers mean. All right, we'll start with six seven
oh six. Okay, I can't keep alright, So he's gonna
check in any moment now, and I just want everyone
(14:33):
to be able to greet him. Seventeen months in the field, gentlemen, again,
it's a record. It's ridiculous without communication. So he's gonna
have a lot of things deaded. He's going to tell us.
I don't think we should ask him the questions. Let's
just let him tell us as much information as he
can get out, right. Okay, it's like it's like playing
(14:54):
fifty questions when I brought this up as a thing
I wanted, did I But did my demeanor suggest that
I wanted feedback? Or note? It's real simple. He's checking in.
I need your help. I need your support. I need
you to be present. Good job to e levin your PP.
Drown him. We can get out of here. Now, come on,
(15:17):
let's go drown it with my PP. Seven oh six job, Hey,
hot dog so much. Let's just leave him. We got
a conference call to make. I don't think I can
fit in this buring anymore. Seven or six? Okay, Wow,
look at you, I'm three. Now, this is really something,
(15:40):
you know. If your mom wasn't such a bitch, I
give her a call and tell her. How proud I
am of you, but you know, don't use that words.
You're right, all right, she's gonna mom of mine? Yeah?
What's this you guys? Oh? Bled jaw? What have you done? Oh? Olga,
(16:00):
I don't want to hurt you even very sweet to
two eleven Okay, but we are now leaving this facility. Understood, No,
he's mine now to eleven, Pepe, what do you do this?
So don't make me do this again. It's peep time.
It's not so much more. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm
(16:26):
so sorry. I don't want to do this time. I
don't want to do this. I grew up in his
five family seven h six? Can you hear us? Can
you read us seven six? Basic? Do you read us
seven or six to eleven? Signing in for seven or
(16:50):
six to eleven? To eleven? I'm three years old? H
two eleven? Forgive us? Uh? Your father is seven oh six?
My father is seven h six? Okay great, it's just
we haven't talked to him in seventeen years, so you
(17:10):
being three is news years. We've been here a long time.
We've been waiting to do the seven month check in
for sixteen years now. Sorry, my mistake. It's Claire, Claire,
it's seventeen months months. Okay, well, because I'm pretty sure
I'm three, but I could be nineteen. I guess anyway
(17:36):
I can drowned him. I drowned him with my PP. Wait,
now what, I drowned him with my PP. For your father?
I drowned my father with my PP. Okay, a little
these questions that I've written down on this paper, Can
we get a little more on that drowning? Is a
briefing or a debriefing? Well, it's that will be decided
(18:00):
by your input. I'll tell you what. It was a
debriefing because I had to take off my underwear. He's
got us there, fells. That was wonderful. Can you pass
the mass potatoes? Thank you? I just I don't know.
I mean, he wasn't really I would say anyone that
(18:21):
was like really in my life in in like a
profound way. But he is the father was I should say,
the father of of Henry Um. So I guess that
can you pass the mass potatoes? And I be the
person that you're talking to about this like number three
in a throuffle? And am I going to be the
one like the Yeah? He was the father of your kid.
But you know what, he got peeped to death. So
(18:42):
can we just can we move on with our lives.
I'm I just want to talk about this, and that's
I just passed you. I just wanted to talk about this. Look,
he was peepe to death seventeen years ago. Do you
think it gets easier. I don't know what it gets.
I've never been pepe to death, or I've never had
anybody in family. I don't know if I'm gonna be
able to throuffle with you guys. Honestly, this is kind
(19:03):
of a b owner killer. Sorry, I think I'm good
to go. I don't think I okay, young man, you
want to buy a pack of cigarettes here in some
lottery tickets? How do you hello you? By the way,
just so I think I'm twenty now, okay, twenty? Okay?
Can I see some I d place? Sure, hold your
(19:27):
hand and put these handcuffs on, take this mask off.
It's me to Levin seven oh six, seven oh six,
just doing inventory? What the hell hold on? You know?
One second? What's what's up hill? What's going on? Don't worry,
don't do Just what what happened? Did I not. I
thought I stocked everything. This guy hand cuffs on me.
(19:50):
You should fire him. What's going on? I'll explain it
to you in a second. This guy's my dad. He's
an international spy. What don't just Phil Tory was in
the field for seventeen months in Budapest and now he's
I guess, been undercovering a convenient store for seventeen years
(20:11):
and the hopes that I might stop buy at some
point to buy something bingo or what we're what's going on?
Take this gun, Phil, Okay, now put it to your temple. Okay,
I just hold it there. Just hold it there. Mom. Now,
(20:36):
by the way, don't say that. Don't. Let's go, you
and me. We gotta go to headquarters. Now. Oh shit,
oh ship, you called the trigger. I just told the
gun to wander. All right, do we leven? Let's go.
I got I still got that Alpha Romero. Outside Alpha Romero,
(20:59):
there's classic car called Alfa Romeo, but Romeo rome this
is a knockoff. Dad. Stop calling me, Dad? Hey, you're
that you're that spy guy? Right? Hey? Time for a
new car. You must have loved that last when I
sold you? Did you that Alpa Romero. Did you well, really,
how why are you punching me? You a bit you
(21:21):
sold me a knockoff. I did not. I would never
do that. Look if it makes you feel any better,
you want to take a spin in this new doorge.
I got a new doorge. Oh, I gotta tease me.
You gotta don't tease me now. Oh, I got a
doorge changer. Hop in. You're gonna love it. It's pretty nice.
And I look, I'm a secret I'm a secret spy.
I have my I have. I gotta keep up appearances. Oh,
(21:44):
keeping up appearances is what this car does. This is
come out of This is the doorge charger. It's the
doorge change it like you know what, get out of
this car. We're not taking this he come over here,
We're gonna go to the This is a this is
a food. It's a food bitch. I love that guy.
I love that guy. He's in the background of all
of it. He's always in the background of the Showza man,
(22:06):
what I love this guy? You sit out? Come in. Hello,
Hello there, it's me but seven seven oh six, seven
oh six, seven oh six, it's seven oh six. I'm here,
(22:27):
he's here, and I have some good news, and I
have some bad news. Seven or six, your son said
had removed you with urine. None of us believed him.
He tried, he tried. His urine filled my mouth to
a point where I lost consciousness. I think we don't
need to hear it. Actually I got let him speak, Okay,
(22:51):
I just do. But he lost consciousness. And then what
happened when I woke up? I was being helped somebody.
Somebody double parked in Aston Marlin out front? Who are you? Oh?
That's me, that's sorry, that's me. I'm I'm do valet
(23:13):
parking for the CIA. Okay, okay, all right, listen, listen, listen, listen.
I'm sure a lot has gone down in these last
seventeen eighteen nineteen years. I do have somebody in custody
that would be of interest to all of us here,
I believe keep I present to you. Is it the Sphinx?
What is it the Sphinx? No, it's my former son.
(23:39):
Two eleven. You'll fall. The sons would have never guess
for us. Do you have a riddle for us? To eleven?
Let me get a pin and paper. I'll be back right.
This is I love Rizzles where's he going? I go
by Hank now by the way, and I don't want
to be any part of this. But minute Hank Scorpion
(24:01):
is riddled out. You're not Hank Scorpio. Yeah, I'm Hank Scorpio.
Oh my god. I followed your work for seven years.
You're a master. I don't know. I didn't put these
two things. I was, oh a master at what who?
(24:30):
And that is seen one I'm afraid ah seen too
comes from Carl, who wrote Dear Alchemist. After a year
of social isolation, I am readying myself to return to
the bright, candy covered warriored. However, the only things I
(24:53):
look forward to our seeing bear supply and pretty pretty
pony live. That's the only thanks Marry good choices, uh
scene suggestion. The terminator is first sent back to kill
Connor Comma Sarah, but no one will answer to that name.
I love you all. If the price is right, Carl, um,
(25:17):
can I get a peach nut uh latte and a
slice of that pumpkin? Alright? One peach nut latte in
a slice of the what was it? Pumpkin loaf? Pumpkin loaf?
All right, I'll bring the pumpkin loaf. Okay, then I
will get peach nut latte. Ah, put a peach nut latte. Okay,
(25:43):
I go, okay, let me just serve one at the time.
Please hold on one second. Do you want to know
our names since apparently we have the same order. I'm sorry,
I did. You did not see apron? I meant I
will prepare peach not latte. I put not put green
apron on. Here's green apron. I work so on the
wrong side of the counter there. Well, I am rusky,
(26:03):
I'm I'm I'm. I am new to culture and uh
this town. But it makes you want to have of
a peach not latte. Get back here, all right? I
was most fine then to kill her. So it's gonna
be three hours and sixty cents. Can I put a
name on your cup? Connor? Kind of um? All right?
(26:30):
The first name asked for the first name. We don't
need the first name that I knowed your first name? God,
damn you risk. You're hurting my risk. You listen to me.
Now you get first name from her? All right? Well
that's a man. Hold on a second. Excuse me, excuse me?
Can I get your full name? Just because there's a
lot of cannons that come over here. Uh, I'll give
(26:53):
you the initial say, that's my risk, that's that's my stand.
I need full name. I can't kill everyone with just
s Connor as their name. That's Steve Connor's John Connor,
Simone Connor names. Okay, okay, calm down, calm down, all right,
(27:18):
I'm gonna have to be creative. Excuse me, Mr Kanna,
I'm Connor. Okay, I've gotta some of these because of
the new state laws and caffeine. You've got to be
a certain age. Some have to check your I D.
Do you have an I D like a license to state?
I D a library cod right, But you're looking at
me and I clearly am forty seven years old. So oh,
(27:41):
I can't judge. I can't judge age. That could be
painted on mustache. That mustache could be painted on your face.
That's my christ. Well, we sent him back to four,
but it's some sort of alternate version of four where
(28:02):
flavored coffee drinks and pumpkin pastries are more popular than
they they're they're popular thirty years ahead of their time. Wow,
that's fascinating. So so in this particular order, um, he's
working on a peach nut lot. I've never even heard
of that before. It's not a drink that even exists
in one the universe that we're in now, But in
(28:27):
some for some reason, in this version of and, he's
had like a Starbucks type location. Is that correct? Like
green apron and everything? Right? Yeah, yeah, I mean Starbucks did.
Starbucks did exist back then in our in our reality.
But I don't. I just don't remember. I don't. I
don't remember that. What was the first time you went
to a Starbucks? Bill? I mean, we're we're off on
(28:51):
a tangent now. The important thing important because if the
tea one thousand, fine Sarah Conner and and and kill her,
that's that's number one number the machines can take over. Yes, No,
of course, of course. It's just I just like, it's
so funny. I cannot remember the first time I stepped
footing side of a Starbucks. Is that something? Oh that's weird.
(29:17):
It was I just I was always there. It was
always there. It was always there. Wait, let me run
some numbers real quick. You said nineteen four one. Oh,
this isn't good. This isn't good. It seems as though
are t one thousand is in in for some real trouble.
(29:45):
Excuse me, excuse me. I do a lot of the
science stuff with the machines sending people back in time.
There was a couple of things that we didn't take
what I assistant scientists, uh, quantum physics as as it
would have it. Here, can we see some sort of
(30:05):
idea because I've never I've worked it for years and
I've never seen you before. Okay, well it's uh, let's
see here. It's well, I guess you could just scan
this barcode and it should come up with my my identification.
I don't have an I d look at I know
how to work this machine. No, that does check out
(30:26):
his barcode scans. Okay, okay. So here's the thing that
we didn't quite understand is uh, well nine four. It
turns out we put it to two thousand four because
after I don't know if you're familiar with the White
two k history, but we can't go back before the
year two thousand. It's a long process, but we made
(30:48):
because everything reset back then. Yeah. Yeah, the planes fell
out of the sky. Okay, okay, okay, alright, so this
throws off some of our of our information and so
So where is Sarah Connor in two dozens more? What
is she up to? What is she doing? Is she
still alive? I don't know. She might have got married.
A lot of people changed their last names back then,
like when they got married, they would take their husband's
(31:10):
last name. Okay, John Connor is going to be nineteen
in two thousand four and already building an army. Oh
this was the whole point to prevent the birth of
John Connor. Listen, we're not giving the T one tho
enough credits. So what Maybe Sarah's a little older. Maybe
(31:31):
John is is alive and building armies. He doesn't have
a T one thousand. M hm better right, yeah, better.
Here's the problem of everything. Every everything's better. Well I
don't know. Everything's better. You know. I can go for
Starbucks now, which is weird. You're talking about it, and
(31:52):
I'm like what, I'll just be over here arranging the
newspapers here in this coffee shop. No, you're supposed to
be mopping the bathroom. It's bathroom time. Get under here
with me. I will do tasks as I see fit
to the tests. When I need to tsks. Look at
(32:12):
the checklist. The bathroom I have one night room on
my checklist, and it is fine. Setah Connor here in
that is what I need to do. It's two thousand four.
Wait what it's two thousand four. What are you talking about? Tom?
Tom clean the bathroom? That's my paper? Two thousand four.
(32:39):
Vice president's son is running for president. I do not understand.
Where's Setah Connor? I don't know. I don't even know
who that is. Where's that other Connor? That's just in here?
I welcome to T Mobile. So you're looking for a
(32:59):
phone you said that can search the internet? Is that right?
Well we got those we have yeah, okay, okay, so
we got a phone here right here. So what do
you want to search? For instance, typing anything. First of all,
i'd like to know where Sarah Connor is. Also, i'd
like to know what is an internet? Okay? All right,
that's funny. That's funny. Oh that is funny. What if
(33:19):
you ask the Yeah, what if you ask the internet?
What are you? You know what I mean? That's funny?
All right? So sarahn Okay, So Sarah Connor in any
specific location. I see that there are two point four
million Sarah Connors in the walk. But there's only one
Sarah Connor in this neighborhood, which is kind of funny,
really in this neighborhood. Well, she's married to a Sergey
(33:42):
Connor and they live on fun You gotta pay? Do
you want to pay for this service to find out
this specific address? Who do I pay you? That's the thing.
I don't know. No, I don't know, Fine, fine do
it's fine? A right, I'm hitting it is my credit card. Okay,
thank you. Okay, it's probably you better check out to
bank later on because I could just keeping dinging it. Okay, okay,
(34:05):
all right, here we go. So she is at one
to five zero. Yes, I am Sarah Gay Connor. And
wait a minute, you look just like me. You look
just like me, and you love one to zero? Yes,
I live here with my wife Sarah Connor. Why this is? Oh? No, oh,
(34:27):
I've made a terrible mistake. If you hold on, if
you may or may not be me? Where were you born?
Where was I born? It's who is that? Who is that?
Hold on the second? Tony? Yes, where were you born? Well, well,
of course where was I born? I mean it's an
(34:49):
easy question. In the Starbucks. Get down here, you listen
to me. I don't know what happened in this spacetime continuum.
But you are me and I am you, and only
one of us is standing up from behind this couch. Look,
I am in, I am in. Okay, I've look, I've
I found Sarah Connor. I don't know she is the
(35:10):
Sarah Connor, but I married Sarah Connor. It's you're playing.
It's going the wrong, is it? Okay? Also, have you
tried peach not? It's incredible. Look, John, you're doing a
great job here at the mechanics shop. Listen, you can
(35:30):
continue to take all the scrap, all the scrap metal
you want. Um, we're just getting a little worried, man.
It seems like a lot of scrap metal. Well you're
not using it right? Well, no, it's no, it's like
cycle elector recycle. All right. I'm not trying to pick
a fight with you, but I'm just saying it's a
little odd business here. Hey Tommy, you're making it for
(35:52):
poker later tonight. And also, did you ask the dip
wad what's up with the recycled metal? No? And yes? Okay, great, Yes, John?
Shall I kill these two? What what's that? Nothing? It's
a I call it C three P. You call it
(36:16):
C three P C three P. Yeah, it's just a
little thing I'm working on with the metal. It's mine.
Don't don't, don't worry about it. Okay, just say the word.
There seems to be another one behind him there, just
saying a word. Uh. These they're just they're like tomagotchis,
(36:39):
but they're really big. But there's a lot of them though. Yes,
we have replicated ourselves. We have replicated like big tomagotchis.
So anyway, Sarah, I mean it's crazy. What are the
odds that my twin brother would show up out of
nowhere for dinner? Yes, twin brother? Uh so, I guess what?
(37:00):
What what you want to eat? Brother? Human food? My food.
This is what we always have for dinner. Hey, how
about that John Kerry. I think he's got a great chance.
He is the only choice for me in this election
(37:21):
that is happening here in two thou four Sarah, Sarah,
you're so funny. I gotta get whoa I was just leaving. Hello,
I didn't know you were having guests. Hi. Hello, I
am I'm a twin brother from from other countries. You
(37:42):
didn't tell me you were having guests, Sarah, I don't
want to say anything about it. Okay, Well she's sorry.
I'm sorry. Uh my mouth was full. I feel like
I do all the eating at the table. No, no,
it's delicious. She it's like she's she's like two hundred pounds.
(38:03):
When I met her, she was like ruck solid in shape,
but now she's like she's little on heavy side. It
was ever since the baby, I could ever get back
to my pre baby weight. I like it. Well, I
was on my way out, okay, I'm in. Hi names Julie. Hi. Oh,
(38:27):
you held your hand up like I was supposed to
kiss It? Is that how that works? Kiss? Yes, Julie,
did you feel that? Are you single? I am only
I what this is? What this means? Single? Hey? We
should we should go on double date and see a
(38:50):
million dollar baby with Hilary Swank. Sure we will see
get down here. I do not like Hillary Swank movies.
It's good you like this this she gets paralyzed. She
gets paralyzed and they bothers her to death. I just
(39:12):
want to see her get parallel. I don't like her movies.
Doesn't mean I what to see your paralyzed. It's cool
a h who the hell is this, by the way,
is a friend of Sarah. Look, look, I don't want
to go back to the future. It's it's much better
here in two thousand four. I don't want to go
to four either, Okay, I like it here. Alright, Fine,
(39:35):
we'll go on double date with you and Sara and
Sarah's friend, but not to Hillary Swank movie. What other
movies come out in two thousand four? Choices? So where
are we bill on this whole operation now? So just
go ahead and give it to me. Well, it's real simple.
We uh, we basically have to find this John Connor
(39:59):
and stop him from building all these robots who this
company then comes from that and the company destroys the world. Basically, Okay, okay, okay,
Now I don't and I appreciate this input. I just
feel like our our goal, our mission was to stop
as Sarah Connor and I tell you, John, So you
(40:19):
didn't see the word Sarah, Well, Sarah's Sarah's the mother,
my mistake, Sarah's the mother. So uh, there's a there's
a faction of us that wants to let go of
the whole premise of trying to get Sarah and just
go right after this kid. Okay, So Sarah no longer
posts a threat. I mean, if she's gonna pop out
some more Johnny's then and what happens. So okay, So
(40:42):
what's the status with her with the few one thousand
that's currently married to her? Yea, kill her at some point.
You know, we don't understand why he's been in the
field as long as he has and and maintained this
marriage when he's had so many opportunities to take her out.
Have you ever been married? I have three times, so
you know you have opportunities to kill you don't always
take him. Okay, So then so we sent you in
(41:04):
a second team. So the whole time I thought it
was like, you know, village from like two hundred and
fifty years ago, But it turns out they were all
like hippies and they were dressing up. Is this monster
to scare the kids? I mean it's not like six
cents ending, but still pretty good ending. I don't like
his movies. I've not I've seen a couple of that.
The whole twist thing, it's it's it doesn't feel like Okay,
(41:27):
So you don't like Hillary Swank, you don't like m nite.
Is there anything we can go see channelmen, gentlemen, gentlemen,
Sarah and I wanted to tell you something. We thought
maybe we should jump into the hot tub dude machine.
(41:49):
That is that I think we cannot take that scene
any further. No, no scene thies from patron v I P.
David W. Who wrote a scene suggestion Scarecrow from the
Worsard of Oz is that the beach and finally realizes
why the ocean is near the shore. Thanks W. D W. Nope,
(42:10):
David W. In Boston, you guys want to buy some
flip flops or skidoo boards. I got some beads and
also some SPF fifty. Come to beads. Come to beads,
all right, beads for this guy here, and that'll be
twelve dollars. Please some money, some money? Listen? Uh? Thanks
(42:36):
to that. You're gonna use a credit card? You got
the confidence what it takes to use cash these days?
I got the confidence. I got the confidence. See, I
got the confidence to all kind of things. What I
don't have as a cash see I don't have to cash?
All right? Fair enough? Credit card? It is? Uh? Can
you just sign here? Please? I put my paw on it.
(42:58):
I put my pawn. Let's see now I signed it,
put my paw on it. Look at that. What a
fancy rike. Alright, enjoy your beat? See do this guy's
moving Canada? Slow? Oh, my friends, I think he wants
to run a se do want? Don't look at in
(43:21):
C two like in a church. We have ski dudes, Yeah,
we can run a ski due by the hour. It's
oh sorry, our friend the tin man seemed to have
locked up in the hot sun. We better use the
oil here there we go. Feels better. Ski do please
(43:44):
for an hour, but it's gonna get gonna loosen up
that jaw a little bit. Yeah, yeah, thank you, thank you. Yeah,
you seem to know a lot, fella you you're a
smart guy. You go to college. You want to him
college kids? No, no college. But I did get an
honorary degree from the wizard. Alright, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
(44:09):
You must be having a hard time talking to this
dumb dumb Did everybody get everything you needed? We're gonna
be doing a beach day, Dorothy. Don't call him a
dumb dumb. Oh, come on, he's got no brain. You're
acting like a copy We're just trying to enjoy a
(44:30):
beach day. I just don't want him to dump the
place up. Okay. So, okay, so he got the he
got the oil. What is it Santana oil? Excuse me, miss,
I don't mean to be the one to point this up,
but the password is woke now? Uh? You with the
degree from was it the wizard? Yep? I got an
(44:51):
honorary degree, which is just as good as uh is
four years of institutional learning. Oh, I'm sure it is
four times seven real quick, I'll never get that. Uh.
The square root of the I's trying to go is
equal to this. It's twenty eight. Okay, it's I'm telling you.
He's dumbest rocks all right. So the ski do is? For?
(45:13):
How many hours you going for this? I don't know.
He's too scared to get out of sea, dude. This
guy won't be able to work it, and the water
is gonna rust your tinny, Okay, So I think we
should just skip it and just sit in the sand
and get a tan. Hey, Troth, I feel like you
put it down to this whole trip. You put it
down to this whole trip. We were trying to have
a little fun after after all after a crazy adventure.
(45:37):
We were trying to have a little fun. After a
crazy adventure. We come to the beach, come to the beach,
and then you were a pitch the whole time. I
want to go back home to Kansas, and here we
are at the ocean side. Can you blame me for
being disappointed? And I think you have to have total
on a leash. By the way, this is this is
not a trained and it's a support animals. So it's fine.
(45:58):
It doesn't need a leash. Okay, it was fine. Ever
since a wizard gave him that vest. He really does
think that he's a service animal. It's almost like the
wizard just gives you something and then suddenly, yeah that thing.
Don't say it, don't say it. I'm having an existential crisis. Crisis. No, look,
(46:18):
look he gave me this clock. Yeah it looks like
a heart. That doesn't mean they've got a real heart. Well,
sure it does, because clock's well because they go tick talk. Wait,
I'm beIN getting to think that maybe I'm not that
smart after all. Jesus, this is you guys are just
coming to realize it. And I want to go home.
(46:40):
And here I'm at Jersey Shore. This is ridiculous again,
if I could be totally honest with you people, of
what you've said so far is none of my goddamn business.
So for how many hours you want the ski do
for there? Huh shiny, I think we're gonna have to
hard task hard pass. How about some sunscreen for one
(47:05):
of you? I'm the only one that needs in yes, please,
thank you guys. Have any kind of on this boardwalk?
Oh of course we do. How many you want? Just
want one? Wizards? All we need? Okay? And what are
you looking for this wizard to do? You know, specifically?
How am my courage? I want a heart that I
(47:25):
want brains. I guess what about you? Lady? Well, I
maybe get off the hoops the hooch. I like the hooch.
I'm not stopping there. I'd like to ticket to Kansas.
It should be. I don't know how long of a
trip it is, but this is a good start. I
don't know if this Wizard of the Coast is going
to be able to help me with this, though. All
(47:47):
the wizards that here on the Jersey Shore can pretty
much do anything. So I got one heart, I got
a possible brain, and some courage, And by courage, what
are you looking to overcome? If I mean, I'm looking
at a come my generalized fear of everything in the world, Ah,
say Jewish fellow. Okay, so let me let me check
(48:08):
the rollerdex real quick, and uh see if for one
of the wizards is available to help you guys, I'll
be right back. That would be great. Hey, Dorothy, Uh huh.
You think maybe you're gonna cheer up a little bit? Well,
I mean, I guess it depends on how long this
is going to be a walk. The last wizard we
had to go to it was a real long journey.
I'm kind of like fed up with it. Well, this
(48:30):
boardwalk is full of all types of interesting characters. Surely
there's a wizard here who has the answers for us,
I guess, But I don't want to go on a
boardwalk road. I've already followed a yellow why don't And
where'd you get that two piece bakini? By the way,
what did you get that? It was at that shop
right there? Was? You bought it in the shop? Yeah? Why?
I don't know. It just seems like a bit much,
(48:52):
a bit much. What do you mean it's a lot
of a lot of it's a lot of gingham, or
maybe not a lot of gingham. It doesn't look Yeah,
it looks crazy. It's just like you're like our sister
kind of you know. It's like strange. Yeah, it's it's
weird looking at you at that in that tiny gangham bikini. Also,
you happened drinking a lot. I don't have a problem, okay,
(49:16):
I'm just it's like, it's what you do with the beach.
If you asked them to add pockets to the bikini
so you could put your bones in it, put your
bones in it. It does. It's you can't have bottles
on the beach, like I gotta sneak it. If I
had a heart, it would be breaking right now. Ifighting
courage like stage and intervention. If I had a brain,
(49:38):
i'd know how to finish this sentence in a clever way.
Oh all right, where right? Where right? Who needs a wizard?
My name is Larry, and I'm happy to help your kids?
Who needs who needs something? That? We've just never seen
a wizard with so many dreadlocks, sir, or so many
(49:59):
face tattoos. Well, you're at the Jersey Show, my friend
at the longer than mine. Thank you. I've never smelled
a wizard and smells that bad. That's uh old spice,
and by old I mean very Now then, who needs? What? When?
And how? Courage? Courage? That's all you need. That's all
(50:22):
I need is courage. I'm my cousin. Tommy runs a
boot camp about three miles from here. He'll fix you
up real fast. You believe you can accomplish anything. Thanks,
Mr Wizard. I'm gonna right now, goodbye, goodbody. I'm gonna
co get courage. Bye, Lione. What about you? Kid? What
can I get you? Well? You see what I opened this?
(50:46):
I got a ticker, but I want a real one
a heart. Oh you want to feel things? I want
to feel things? Yeah, yeah, that's it. I want to
feel things. Okay, kid, we got you covered and let
me just get this number here. All right, you call
this number you as for Timbo Tembo? All right? Yeah,
(51:07):
you tell him you want to feel things? My friend,
you are gonna be happy. Well you're great, You're great?
Was it? Thank you? Bye? Dorothy? Enjoy? All right, then, scarecrow,
wasn't what do you need this? I'm dumb as rocks? Right?
I want to brain Oh, you want to think things.
(51:31):
Is that it? Yeah, you want to be able to
figure things out. Yeah, you want to learn the way
of the land. I guess Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
There's a liquor store around the corner, and I'm gonna
give you this gun. I want you to go in
there and rob Just point the gun at the person
behind the counter and say give me all your cash.
(51:54):
Then you get popped. Then you go to the joint.
When you're in the joint, you're gonna learn everything there
is to know about Well, they're welcome. That sounds convoluted, Dorothy, Dorothy,
Wake up, Dorothy, Wake up, Dorothy. Four. The machines have won. No,
(52:20):
the machines have one. Though the robot apocalypse happened, you
were blacked out for the whole goddamn war. You wouldn't
put those put the booze down, Dorothy, You missed it all. No,
I was in a dream. I wasn't dreaming. Yeah, who
was my uncle's weren't it? We were on the beach
and I was wearing the tiniest, the tiniest bikini with
(52:41):
your uncle's three of you. That's who we are. Where
are your uncle's But that's that's creepy. Yeah, you know,
how do I miss everything? I hope she's okay. Look
to be recovering rather well. It was pretty trippy. You
were a dog. You were a dog, of course I
(53:04):
was Dorothy. Dorothy. Come with me if you want to
live through that portal? Yes, yes, all right, get me
out here. Okay, Look, I got to be honest with you.
I'm just doing this so my brother can have a wife.
(53:26):
All right. Do you like movies from two thousand four?
What that's way in the future. Oh no, it's that
mean Mrs Gulch. She's going to take away your dog. No,
let me go through the dog's fine, I don't care
(53:48):
about the dog. Let's go to your portal. You don't
care about the dog for today. We will finish it
in Starbucks, where everything go to find its place. Let's
thank all of our alchemist Joey and Greg had to
Ronnie had an appointment. Was something about a crack dealer,
which I didn't even know was still a thing. But
(54:10):
we give our thanks to Joey and wish him luck
along his journey as long as he remains in the background. Uh.
Next up, christ Oberono thanks so much, Christopher, and thank you.
Let's send folks over the Comedy Fix please a podcast
that's good. Yeah, that's a podcast that I do, The
Comedy Fix. Hey, if you want to do the opposite
of what you just heard here, meaning improvised but dramatically,
(54:33):
consider taking a workshop with me. Chris dash aberta dot
com slash workshops, Baby Spots of Philly up. People are
watching new classes. It's a good time. It's a real time,
you know what I mean, real time? Sure, go that please,
and let's hear from one of the former students, now
if we could, who had a successful run at that class?
Larry is it? Yeah, my name's Larry. We had a
(54:57):
real good class. Thanks dramatic. Thank you. And Mark gagli Alred,
thank you so much for being here. Oh it's always
a delight. Thanks for having me. Where can folks find
your wares should you want to share them? I'm online
at mark Gags on Everything and uh I have a
podcast with how Lovely called We Got This with Mark
(55:19):
and how uh So check that out on Maximum Fun
that's been going on a couple of years now, six
years yet. Thank you very cool. Um and Craig Crook.
How's thank you so much for being here as always.
Oh my pleasure. Sorry if I wasn't a hundred percent
you know, concentrated during this recording because I was finishing
(55:44):
which board the entire time and Tawny Kntain Rest in
Peace was fantastic in it and that Wuigi board man
the demons that it contained, that was scary. So absolutely
check it out. It's only I vhs at uh and
uh and good luck finding it. Yeah, good luck finding yeah.
(56:05):
And thank you Craig whose WiFi we will fix between
now and next time. Just to get our producer and
engineer of the Stars, Mr Doug Bayane the hell off
our backs. James Heeney, thank you very much from Chicago,
Land and UH still looking for that address at Crystal
Lake whenever you're comfortable, and UM, I will text you
my address to send me a key so I can
(56:26):
go and break into your place and uh solve your problem.
Thank you. I appreciate it. With garbage and trash, and
let's thank our engineering and prosion of the Stars Mr
Doug Bane to find folks that I hurt media. I'm
your host, Kevin Polk. Thank you each and every Day one.
Of you for listening to us and giving us your
suggestions via our new email. I'll give you this email
(56:48):
at gmail dot com. Please tell everyone you've ever met
and if you have a moment at a review, be
kind to each other where masks when asked, and until
next time, com yes and I
Welcome back to another episode of Alchamys Covid one a dish.
I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes that Kevin Pollock? What's that? Yes?
Last week during the opening, I did this bit where
in I gave out Joey GIRs cell number and I
realized now that was wrong. I want to apologize to
you the listener on of course, at the job the
(00:24):
number I gave you was his landline, his cell numbers
three one oh eight. No, no, but I digress. Let's
mean our acumen, shall we know? Particular orders? Say hey
to Christo Varado shoe lover, do you have a type
of everyday socks that you always choose over the others? Yes?
One thousand per cent right there from there. As a
(00:45):
matter of fact, I just ordered five more pairs two
days ago from Uni Clow pronounced unique Clow. But I've
got a Uni club now. You know, we all you know,
we're hip. We don't want to show our socks, and
some people do. Some people do. That's kind of a trend.
But for my my choice of no show suck is
not the no show suck from Uni Clo. It's the
low cut sock from Uni Cloe. Now, The difference is
(01:08):
it's still no show. Get a little more support. That's right,
because their classic no show or those thin almost like
ballerina style ban and they fall underneath. These are sturdy.
I'm wearing them now. They're good in crocs. Ladies and
gentlemen and or however you identify. I cannot stress. I
just spend eighty five dollars on strictly underwear and socks
(01:29):
two days ago from Uni close. The Aroism stuff is great.
It breathes, it feels fancy because you know why you're
worth it. Nice you had me and I wear them
in crocs, all right? And now Craig Atkowski with the
nineteen eighties VHS tape review corner Coco. Okay, all right,
I have rented uh which board? Which board? Nice on VHS?
(01:59):
Pop it in right now? Okay? Was I supposed to
watch it ahead of time then review it or probably? Okay? Warning?
Next UBI warning, FBI warning, Okay, I get it. Just
the tracking, I get some lines there, just the tracking.
(02:22):
Wow breaking, FBI warning. I think it's frozen. That might
be frozen. There's frozen. It's which board, It's definitely which board. Hey,
there's James Zeney, Johnny James, if you had a message
for kids out there, what would it be? When you're
(02:43):
leaving town when you get older, make sure, doubly sure
that you take your trash out, because otherwise your whole
month long vacation, you're gonna think to yourself, God, if
it gonna be roaches, is it gonna be naggets? What
am I gonna find it? Might? What? Jeff, do you
(03:04):
need any of us to swing by your place and
throw up? I kept all my keys. I can get
all my keys. Don't give him to my roommates. Yeah,
so I shipped it too. I shipped my keys to
a dear friend. He gave me the wrong address. It's
just been a real bad time. Guess if somebody knows
(03:24):
how to get through a dead bull and take out
my trust set with everyone knows how to get through
a dead boat, James. It's called a key. So if
you could again send the key to the correct address, Well,
the first one is, uh, it's stuck in transit. I'm
gonna have to double. I'm gonna have to do next
day shipping. Now for the next setting, all right. Much
like um Greg's VHS tape review, corner. We will check
(03:47):
back in with you for the rest of the story.
What the who Now it's Mark Gagliardi, snob. What's the
one job you simply could not do but had to? Uh?
Traveling salesman? Keep going. I needed a job when I
first moved to l A and uh, and so I
(04:07):
got a job as a traveling salesman. And I rode
shotgun for one day with a dude in a three
piece suit, a big, like hulking, fifty something gentleman in
a hot sunny day in a three piece suit, in
a sedan in southern California. And he made me sit
in the car next sitting shotgun. He pulled over and
(04:30):
we he would just drill me on sales. And I
found out that day I cannot sell anything. And we
are selling Kirby vacuum cleaners. What were you we were selling? Uh?
We were selling local air time for the local spots
on the cable network, on the on the cable system. Yeah.
(04:52):
So normally, when I think of the term business to
business traveling salesman, right, I picture somebody in factory in town.
No no no, no, I mean traveling in a car with
a fellow just like from the valley till like, yeah,
that's that's traveling salesman. Okay, yeah, you can just say salesman.
(05:15):
Look man, if I'm just a salesman, then I'm doing
it from my computer. If I gotta get up and
go to any other room, you got a traveling salesman.
Oh I love that you found out that day. Yeah.
I saw Kirby Vacuum cleaners for half a day and
realized the same same realization. Not for me. Guy I
was with could pour shut out in somebody's carpet and
cleaned it up with the with the Kirby and sell
(05:37):
Sell Sell I could first time I poured shut out
its carpet, they said, get the funk out of my
house and it was over for me. And last but
sweet pink eye for you. If you think of leaves,
it's Joey greer toe nail keeper. What's the one thing
you would kick a lover out of bed for doing?
(05:59):
Bringing too much ice cream? And let's do it, damn
show all of our scenes suggestions again you emails or
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Just head on over the patron dot com slash is
(06:20):
if you also uh you get in archives are monthly
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Please right to the podcast at our new email address, Alchemy.
This email at gmail dot com. That's Alchemy. This I've
(06:44):
seen one comes to Patron v I P. Toyevo, who
wrote Dear Kevin dash Cole, it took me over twenty Nope,
took me over two years and two four episodes of Alchemy.
There's to realize that Joey Greer is actually pretty okay. No, actually,
Joey is my new number one outcome is do not
get me wrong, gang. I love each and every one
(07:06):
of you, especially Joey's random background shouts from background characters
and hilarious hold on, hold on, hold on, hold a
little bit. So he said he loves Joey, but don't
get us wrong, he loves all of us, especially Joey's
characters exactly. You know what, dude, I do know Wheah,
(07:26):
I don't think he likes me either. I think he
just likes the people that are in the background. He
likes when Joey's in the background, is my takeaway as well. Um,
and what he likes about each of us is the
fact that Joey's in the background. Yeah. Uh, that said,
I have ah, gosh, let's see, let's get to them.
That said, I have some more things to say about Joey. Yeah,
(07:48):
since I'm now a dad of a six month old
boy and suffer from long term sleep deprivation, I'd love
if you guys could conjure up a scene where a
secret agent has uh to take his unusually intelligent toddler
to work your faithfully Toybo of the fin Land. Okay,
I think, as you know, Agent seven oh six is
(08:12):
in the field, and um, he's going to be reporting
back to us in just the next couple of minutes.
But seven oh six, yes, that's right, double O seven,
it's Agent seven oh six. Seven oh six yeah, yeah, yeah,
so he's gonna be reporting back to us from the
field shortly. I just want to make sure everyone has
(08:34):
questions and comments for when he does. You want to
make sure we have questions and comments for him? Yeah,
when when he checks in, I was seven six, yeah,
thirty two. I'm not quite sure. Shouldn't he have questions
for us? I guess I'm I don't understand exactly what
I'm doing here. Ly sorry, I have a question as well.
(08:57):
Is this I thought this was a debriefing, not briefing.
I'm not quite sure. I thought. I feel silly. I
feel a little bit a bit odd. I didn't know
if we were supposed we just is it pleasant Trees
that was to be asking him? Or are we asking
him about specifically a mission that he was on Fellas,
he's been in the field for seventeen months straight, he's
gonna be checking in, Okay, somebody needs to help me
(09:25):
through the commenting on what's happening. Well, you better take
him with you, Okay. I'm sorry. I had him the
last two weeks in my job. It's your turn now
to take care of the kid. I'm sorry. That's just
how it is, all right. My work is breathing down
my neck. I can't have him around. He's like going
into all the finance records and change. I stopped fighting
you attractive the moment you told me you were pregnant.
(09:46):
Oh my god, did you think you know why I
slept with you. Do you know why I slept with you?
I don't know, because you were drunk, because you're always drunk.
I know it was sober that night. No I would
get to get back at my boyfriend. Okay, all right,
did it work? Yeah? I worked? Okay, but he's totally
open with a threatle all right. Now, look, you need
to take care of Henry, all right, and you need
(10:07):
to bring him to work whatever that means. I don't care.
I don't don't tell me it's secret. Mother, Please stop
fighting Henry, Henry. We're not fighting, okay with him, Henry,
call him to eleven, Henry to go to work with you. Okay, Okay, Henry,
you're gonna go to work with your dad, all right?
Not packed you a lunch? Okay, a little thermos in
(10:29):
there with your decaffinite of the coffee. I'm sorry. I'm
not gonna give you caffine. That's just too much. Do
you want do you want to tell? Do you want
to tell? Mother? The three numbers we came up for her?
Six six six six six six bells. That's also just
a number. I don't agree that was more seven or six.
(10:52):
I don't believe in that. It doesn't matter, and it's
just obviously it's symbolism to talk about the Romans at
the time, Okay, Nero was sacrificing Christians. That's just what
it meant. Look, Henry, don't start flarting with me now. Okay,
now that's the time you had your chance. Okay, you
start talking to history. Things are bound to come up.
Six six six, what's going on? I'm gonna pin a
(11:13):
fifty dollars to your chest. Why don't you do that?
So he has some money to get what he wants.
I don't know what's at your work. Maybe there's some alright,
that's why you're living in my apartment. But I drive
a fucking Alpha Romero, don't I Yeah, yes, a Alpha Romero.
It's don't say the year. So seven oh six and
(11:36):
two eleven, sixteen and one half months you have been
in this cellar and we've not gotten any word from
you about the numbers on that fifty dollar bill pinto
the little wound's shirt. You're going to sit there and
tell you. Until you tell us what those numbers mean,
you'll know this. Can I have my sandwich? Now? No,
(12:00):
you can't have your sandwich to eleven. Your sandwich is
here just out of arm shot. Though in the last
sixteen and one half months you have had a bit
of a growth spur, so I did have to move
the sandwich just a little bit. I'm three now. Congratulations,
tell us what we want to know I have done
(12:22):
over here? Can you do something about him? By the way,
I can't. He's one of my favorite characters in the back.
He just yells things every once in a while. It's
my favorite part of job. We don't look at me
when you're saying that. You're looking at me like you're
gonna give me a compliment, and then you switch it
and say you like him. I will give you no compliments.
Seven or six. I've not got information out of you
(12:43):
or your tiny version. You give me information you want,
and then you can go to your precious conference call
where everyone asks questions kind of a performance review, your
performing your perform it thus far has been subpart. And
now want to the numbers on free blood job, Blood Job.
(13:07):
Do you think maybe I could take some time with
the kid. I mean, we've always wanted to have kids
and we've never had any. I feel like maybe you
can get more bees with honey, Olga, not now, please,
I'm trying to do I'm trying to do my work, Olga. Look,
he's so we've always wanted to have a kid. Keep
your hands off his cheeks. He is adorable. He does
have adorable cheeks. Get your hands off his cheeks. I
(13:29):
would if you're even entertaining the idea, like, go ahead
and do it, like this is the time, This is
the time to have a kid. Alright, alright, hold on,
hold on, alright, alright, this is enough. I see my
boy is growing up here in this cell. I want
him to have a good life. I'm going to give
I'm going to give you the information you need, finally,
(13:49):
the information you want, and explain to you what's going on.
Go through the numbers on this fifty bill and not
funny business. Got to slide the sandwich back a bit. Oh,
he's my favorite character, favorite character. I knocked over my
heart thought, I can't get it. It's always something we
(14:13):
never know quite what is happening. But something is happening
back there. It's like Sean of Dead. Now tell me
what numbers mean. All right, we'll start with six seven
oh six. Okay, I can't keep alright, So he's gonna
check in any moment now, and I just want everyone
(14:33):
to be able to greet him. Seventeen months in the field, gentlemen, again,
it's a record. It's ridiculous without communication. So he's gonna
have a lot of things deaded. He's going to tell us.
I don't think we should ask him the questions. Let's
just let him tell us as much information as he
can get out, right. Okay, it's like it's like playing
(14:54):
fifty questions when I brought this up as a thing
I wanted, did I But did my demeanor suggest that
I wanted feedback? Or note? It's real simple. He's checking in.
I need your help. I need your support. I need
you to be present. Good job to e levin your PP.
Drown him. We can get out of here. Now, come on,
(15:17):
let's go drown it with my PP. Seven oh six job, Hey,
hot dog so much. Let's just leave him. We got
a conference call to make. I don't think I can
fit in this buring anymore. Seven or six? Okay, Wow,
look at you, I'm three. Now, this is really something,
(15:40):
you know. If your mom wasn't such a bitch, I
give her a call and tell her. How proud I
am of you, but you know, don't use that words.
You're right, all right, she's gonna mom of mine? Yeah?
What's this you guys? Oh? Bled jaw? What have you done? Oh? Olga,
(16:00):
I don't want to hurt you even very sweet to
two eleven Okay, but we are now leaving this facility. Understood, No,
he's mine now to eleven, Pepe, what do you do this?
So don't make me do this again. It's peep time.
It's not so much more. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm
(16:26):
so sorry. I don't want to do this time. I
don't want to do this. I grew up in his
five family seven h six? Can you hear us? Can
you read us seven six? Basic? Do you read us
seven or six to eleven? Signing in for seven or
(16:50):
six to eleven? To eleven? I'm three years old? H
two eleven? Forgive us? Uh? Your father is seven oh six?
My father is seven h six? Okay great, it's just
we haven't talked to him in seventeen years, so you
(17:10):
being three is news years. We've been here a long time.
We've been waiting to do the seven month check in
for sixteen years now. Sorry, my mistake. It's Claire, Claire,
it's seventeen months months. Okay, well, because I'm pretty sure
I'm three, but I could be nineteen. I guess anyway
(17:36):
I can drowned him. I drowned him with my PP. Wait,
now what, I drowned him with my PP. For your father?
I drowned my father with my PP. Okay, a little
these questions that I've written down on this paper, Can
we get a little more on that drowning? Is a
briefing or a debriefing? Well, it's that will be decided
(18:00):
by your input. I'll tell you what. It was a
debriefing because I had to take off my underwear. He's
got us there, fells. That was wonderful. Can you pass
the mass potatoes? Thank you? I just I don't know.
I mean, he wasn't really I would say anyone that
(18:21):
was like really in my life in in like a
profound way. But he is the father was I should say,
the father of of Henry Um. So I guess that
can you pass the mass potatoes? And I be the
person that you're talking to about this like number three
in a throuffle? And am I going to be the
one like the Yeah? He was the father of your kid.
But you know what, he got peeped to death. So
(18:42):
can we just can we move on with our lives.
I'm I just want to talk about this, and that's
I just passed you. I just wanted to talk about this. Look,
he was peepe to death seventeen years ago. Do you
think it gets easier. I don't know what it gets.
I've never been pepe to death, or I've never had
anybody in family. I don't know if I'm gonna be
able to throuffle with you guys. Honestly, this is kind
(19:03):
of a b owner killer. Sorry, I think I'm good
to go. I don't think I okay, young man, you
want to buy a pack of cigarettes here in some
lottery tickets? How do you hello you? By the way,
just so I think I'm twenty now, okay, twenty? Okay?
Can I see some I d place? Sure, hold your
(19:27):
hand and put these handcuffs on, take this mask off.
It's me to Levin seven oh six, seven oh six,
just doing inventory? What the hell hold on? You know?
One second? What's what's up hill? What's going on? Don't worry,
don't do Just what what happened? Did I not. I
thought I stocked everything. This guy hand cuffs on me.
(19:50):
You should fire him. What's going on? I'll explain it
to you in a second. This guy's my dad. He's
an international spy. What don't just Phil Tory was in
the field for seventeen months in Budapest and now he's
I guess, been undercovering a convenient store for seventeen years
(20:11):
and the hopes that I might stop buy at some
point to buy something bingo or what we're what's going on?
Take this gun, Phil, Okay, now put it to your temple. Okay,
I just hold it there. Just hold it there. Mom. Now,
(20:36):
by the way, don't say that. Don't. Let's go, you
and me. We gotta go to headquarters. Now. Oh shit,
oh ship, you called the trigger. I just told the
gun to wander. All right, do we leven? Let's go.
I got I still got that Alpha Romero. Outside Alpha Romero,
(20:59):
there's classic car called Alfa Romeo, but Romeo rome this
is a knockoff. Dad. Stop calling me, Dad? Hey, you're
that you're that spy guy? Right? Hey? Time for a
new car. You must have loved that last when I
sold you? Did you that Alpa Romero. Did you well, really,
how why are you punching me? You a bit you
(21:21):
sold me a knockoff. I did not. I would never
do that. Look if it makes you feel any better,
you want to take a spin in this new doorge.
I got a new doorge. Oh, I gotta tease me.
You gotta don't tease me now. Oh, I got a
doorge changer. Hop in. You're gonna love it. It's pretty nice.
And I look, I'm a secret I'm a secret spy.
I have my I have. I gotta keep up appearances. Oh,
(21:44):
keeping up appearances is what this car does. This is
come out of This is the doorge charger. It's the
doorge change it like you know what, get out of
this car. We're not taking this he come over here,
We're gonna go to the This is a this is
a food. It's a food bitch. I love that guy.
I love that guy. He's in the background of all
of it. He's always in the background of the Showza man,
(22:06):
what I love this guy? You sit out? Come in. Hello,
Hello there, it's me but seven seven oh six, seven
oh six, seven oh six, it's seven oh six. I'm here,
(22:27):
he's here, and I have some good news, and I
have some bad news. Seven or six, your son said
had removed you with urine. None of us believed him.
He tried, he tried. His urine filled my mouth to
a point where I lost consciousness. I think we don't
need to hear it. Actually I got let him speak, Okay,
(22:51):
I just do. But he lost consciousness. And then what
happened when I woke up? I was being helped somebody.
Somebody double parked in Aston Marlin out front? Who are you? Oh?
That's me, that's sorry, that's me. I'm I'm do valet
(23:13):
parking for the CIA. Okay, okay, all right, listen, listen, listen, listen.
I'm sure a lot has gone down in these last
seventeen eighteen nineteen years. I do have somebody in custody
that would be of interest to all of us here,
I believe keep I present to you. Is it the Sphinx?
What is it the Sphinx? No, it's my former son.
(23:39):
Two eleven. You'll fall. The sons would have never guess
for us. Do you have a riddle for us? To eleven?
Let me get a pin and paper. I'll be back right.
This is I love Rizzles where's he going? I go
by Hank now by the way, and I don't want
to be any part of this. But minute Hank Scorpion
(24:01):
is riddled out. You're not Hank Scorpio. Yeah, I'm Hank Scorpio.
Oh my god. I followed your work for seven years.
You're a master. I don't know. I didn't put these
two things. I was, oh a master at what who?
(24:30):
And that is seen one I'm afraid ah seen too
comes from Carl, who wrote Dear Alchemist. After a year
of social isolation, I am readying myself to return to
the bright, candy covered warriored. However, the only things I
(24:53):
look forward to our seeing bear supply and pretty pretty
pony live. That's the only thanks Marry good choices, uh
scene suggestion. The terminator is first sent back to kill
Connor Comma Sarah, but no one will answer to that name.
I love you all. If the price is right, Carl, um,
(25:17):
can I get a peach nut uh latte and a
slice of that pumpkin? Alright? One peach nut latte in
a slice of the what was it? Pumpkin loaf? Pumpkin loaf?
All right, I'll bring the pumpkin loaf. Okay, then I
will get peach nut latte. Ah, put a peach nut latte. Okay,
(25:43):
I go, okay, let me just serve one at the time.
Please hold on one second. Do you want to know
our names since apparently we have the same order. I'm sorry,
I did. You did not see apron? I meant I
will prepare peach not latte. I put not put green
apron on. Here's green apron. I work so on the
wrong side of the counter there. Well, I am rusky,
(26:03):
I'm I'm I'm. I am new to culture and uh
this town. But it makes you want to have of
a peach not latte. Get back here, all right? I
was most fine then to kill her. So it's gonna
be three hours and sixty cents. Can I put a
name on your cup? Connor? Kind of um? All right?
(26:30):
The first name asked for the first name. We don't
need the first name that I knowed your first name? God,
damn you risk. You're hurting my risk. You listen to me.
Now you get first name from her? All right? Well
that's a man. Hold on a second. Excuse me, excuse me?
Can I get your full name? Just because there's a
lot of cannons that come over here. Uh, I'll give
(26:53):
you the initial say, that's my risk, that's that's my stand.
I need full name. I can't kill everyone with just
s Connor as their name. That's Steve Connor's John Connor,
Simone Connor names. Okay, okay, calm down, calm down, all right,
(27:18):
I'm gonna have to be creative. Excuse me, Mr Kanna,
I'm Connor. Okay, I've gotta some of these because of
the new state laws and caffeine. You've got to be
a certain age. Some have to check your I D.
Do you have an I D like a license to state?
I D a library cod right, But you're looking at
me and I clearly am forty seven years old. So oh,
(27:41):
I can't judge. I can't judge age. That could be
painted on mustache. That mustache could be painted on your face.
That's my christ. Well, we sent him back to four,
but it's some sort of alternate version of four where
(28:02):
flavored coffee drinks and pumpkin pastries are more popular than
they they're they're popular thirty years ahead of their time. Wow,
that's fascinating. So so in this particular order, um, he's
working on a peach nut lot. I've never even heard
of that before. It's not a drink that even exists
in one the universe that we're in now, But in
(28:27):
some for some reason, in this version of and, he's
had like a Starbucks type location. Is that correct? Like
green apron and everything? Right? Yeah, yeah, I mean Starbucks did.
Starbucks did exist back then in our in our reality.
But I don't. I just don't remember. I don't. I
don't remember that. What was the first time you went
to a Starbucks? Bill? I mean, we're we're off on
(28:51):
a tangent now. The important thing important because if the
tea one thousand, fine Sarah Conner and and and kill her,
that's that's number one number the machines can take over. Yes, No,
of course, of course. It's just I just like, it's
so funny. I cannot remember the first time I stepped
footing side of a Starbucks. Is that something? Oh that's weird.
(29:17):
It was I just I was always there. It was
always there. It was always there. Wait, let me run
some numbers real quick. You said nineteen four one. Oh,
this isn't good. This isn't good. It seems as though
are t one thousand is in in for some real trouble.
(29:45):
Excuse me, excuse me. I do a lot of the
science stuff with the machines sending people back in time.
There was a couple of things that we didn't take
what I assistant scientists, uh, quantum physics as as it
would have it. Here, can we see some sort of
(30:05):
idea because I've never I've worked it for years and
I've never seen you before. Okay, well it's uh, let's
see here. It's well, I guess you could just scan
this barcode and it should come up with my my identification.
I don't have an I d look at I know
how to work this machine. No, that does check out
(30:26):
his barcode scans. Okay, okay. So here's the thing that
we didn't quite understand is uh, well nine four. It
turns out we put it to two thousand four because
after I don't know if you're familiar with the White
two k history, but we can't go back before the
year two thousand. It's a long process, but we made
(30:48):
because everything reset back then. Yeah. Yeah, the planes fell
out of the sky. Okay, okay, okay, alright, so this
throws off some of our of our information and so
So where is Sarah Connor in two dozens more? What
is she up to? What is she doing? Is she
still alive? I don't know. She might have got married.
A lot of people changed their last names back then,
like when they got married, they would take their husband's
(31:10):
last name. Okay, John Connor is going to be nineteen
in two thousand four and already building an army. Oh
this was the whole point to prevent the birth of
John Connor. Listen, we're not giving the T one tho
enough credits. So what Maybe Sarah's a little older. Maybe
(31:31):
John is is alive and building armies. He doesn't have
a T one thousand. M hm better right, yeah, better.
Here's the problem of everything. Every everything's better. Well I
don't know. Everything's better. You know. I can go for
Starbucks now, which is weird. You're talking about it, and
(31:52):
I'm like what, I'll just be over here arranging the
newspapers here in this coffee shop. No, you're supposed to
be mopping the bathroom. It's bathroom time. Get under here
with me. I will do tasks as I see fit
to the tests. When I need to tsks. Look at
(32:12):
the checklist. The bathroom I have one night room on
my checklist, and it is fine. Setah Connor here in
that is what I need to do. It's two thousand four.
Wait what it's two thousand four. What are you talking about? Tom?
Tom clean the bathroom? That's my paper? Two thousand four.
(32:39):
Vice president's son is running for president. I do not understand.
Where's Setah Connor? I don't know. I don't even know
who that is. Where's that other Connor? That's just in here?
I welcome to T Mobile. So you're looking for a
(32:59):
phone you said that can search the internet? Is that right?
Well we got those we have yeah, okay, okay, so
we got a phone here right here. So what do
you want to search? For instance, typing anything. First of all,
i'd like to know where Sarah Connor is. Also, i'd
like to know what is an internet? Okay? All right,
that's funny. That's funny. Oh that is funny. What if
(33:19):
you ask the Yeah, what if you ask the internet?
What are you? You know what I mean? That's funny?
All right? So sarahn Okay, So Sarah Connor in any
specific location. I see that there are two point four
million Sarah Connors in the walk. But there's only one
Sarah Connor in this neighborhood, which is kind of funny,
really in this neighborhood. Well, she's married to a Sergey
(33:42):
Connor and they live on fun You gotta pay? Do
you want to pay for this service to find out
this specific address? Who do I pay you? That's the thing.
I don't know. No, I don't know, Fine, fine do
it's fine? A right, I'm hitting it is my credit card. Okay,
thank you. Okay, it's probably you better check out to
bank later on because I could just keeping dinging it. Okay, okay,
(34:05):
all right, here we go. So she is at one
to five zero. Yes, I am Sarah Gay Connor. And
wait a minute, you look just like me. You look
just like me, and you love one to zero? Yes,
I live here with my wife Sarah Connor. Why this is? Oh? No, oh,
(34:27):
I've made a terrible mistake. If you hold on, if
you may or may not be me? Where were you born?
Where was I born? It's who is that? Who is that?
Hold on the second? Tony? Yes, where were you born? Well, well,
of course where was I born? I mean it's an
(34:49):
easy question. In the Starbucks. Get down here, you listen
to me. I don't know what happened in this spacetime continuum.
But you are me and I am you, and only
one of us is standing up from behind this couch. Look,
I am in, I am in. Okay, I've look, I've
I found Sarah Connor. I don't know she is the
(35:10):
Sarah Connor, but I married Sarah Connor. It's you're playing.
It's going the wrong, is it? Okay? Also, have you
tried peach not? It's incredible. Look, John, you're doing a
great job here at the mechanics shop. Listen, you can
(35:30):
continue to take all the scrap, all the scrap metal
you want. Um, we're just getting a little worried, man.
It seems like a lot of scrap metal. Well you're
not using it right? Well, no, it's no, it's like
cycle elector recycle. All right. I'm not trying to pick
a fight with you, but I'm just saying it's a
little odd business here. Hey Tommy, you're making it for
(35:52):
poker later tonight. And also, did you ask the dip
wad what's up with the recycled metal? No? And yes? Okay, great, Yes, John?
Shall I kill these two? What what's that? Nothing? It's
a I call it C three P. You call it
(36:16):
C three P C three P. Yeah, it's just a
little thing I'm working on with the metal. It's mine.
Don't don't, don't worry about it. Okay, just say the word.
There seems to be another one behind him there, just
saying a word. Uh. These they're just they're like tomagotchis,
(36:39):
but they're really big. But there's a lot of them though. Yes,
we have replicated ourselves. We have replicated like big tomagotchis.
So anyway, Sarah, I mean it's crazy. What are the
odds that my twin brother would show up out of
nowhere for dinner? Yes, twin brother? Uh so, I guess what?
(37:00):
What what you want to eat? Brother? Human food? My food.
This is what we always have for dinner. Hey, how
about that John Kerry. I think he's got a great chance.
He is the only choice for me in this election
(37:21):
that is happening here in two thou four Sarah, Sarah,
you're so funny. I gotta get whoa I was just leaving. Hello,
I didn't know you were having guests. Hi. Hello, I
am I'm a twin brother from from other countries. You
(37:42):
didn't tell me you were having guests, Sarah, I don't
want to say anything about it. Okay, Well she's sorry.
I'm sorry. Uh my mouth was full. I feel like
I do all the eating at the table. No, no,
it's delicious. She it's like she's she's like two hundred pounds.
(38:03):
When I met her, she was like ruck solid in shape,
but now she's like she's little on heavy side. It
was ever since the baby, I could ever get back
to my pre baby weight. I like it. Well, I
was on my way out, okay, I'm in. Hi names Julie. Hi. Oh,
(38:27):
you held your hand up like I was supposed to
kiss It? Is that how that works? Kiss? Yes, Julie,
did you feel that? Are you single? I am only
I what this is? What this means? Single? Hey? We
should we should go on double date and see a
(38:50):
million dollar baby with Hilary Swank. Sure we will see
get down here. I do not like Hillary Swank movies.
It's good you like this this she gets paralyzed. She
gets paralyzed and they bothers her to death. I just
(39:12):
want to see her get parallel. I don't like her movies.
Doesn't mean I what to see your paralyzed. It's cool
a h who the hell is this, by the way,
is a friend of Sarah. Look, look, I don't want
to go back to the future. It's it's much better
here in two thousand four. I don't want to go
to four either, Okay, I like it here. Alright, Fine,
(39:35):
we'll go on double date with you and Sara and
Sarah's friend, but not to Hillary Swank movie. What other
movies come out in two thousand four? Choices? So where
are we bill on this whole operation now? So just
go ahead and give it to me. Well, it's real simple.
We uh, we basically have to find this John Connor
(39:59):
and stop him from building all these robots who this
company then comes from that and the company destroys the world. Basically, Okay, okay, okay,
Now I don't and I appreciate this input. I just
feel like our our goal, our mission was to stop
as Sarah Connor and I tell you, John, So you
(40:19):
didn't see the word Sarah, Well, Sarah's Sarah's the mother,
my mistake, Sarah's the mother. So uh, there's a there's
a faction of us that wants to let go of
the whole premise of trying to get Sarah and just
go right after this kid. Okay, So Sarah no longer
posts a threat. I mean, if she's gonna pop out
some more Johnny's then and what happens. So okay, So
(40:42):
what's the status with her with the few one thousand
that's currently married to her? Yea, kill her at some point.
You know, we don't understand why he's been in the
field as long as he has and and maintained this
marriage when he's had so many opportunities to take her out.
Have you ever been married? I have three times, so
you know you have opportunities to kill you don't always
take him. Okay, So then so we sent you in
(41:04):
a second team. So the whole time I thought it
was like, you know, village from like two hundred and
fifty years ago, But it turns out they were all
like hippies and they were dressing up. Is this monster
to scare the kids? I mean it's not like six
cents ending, but still pretty good ending. I don't like
his movies. I've not I've seen a couple of that.
The whole twist thing, it's it's it doesn't feel like Okay,
(41:27):
So you don't like Hillary Swank, you don't like m nite.
Is there anything we can go see channelmen, gentlemen, gentlemen,
Sarah and I wanted to tell you something. We thought
maybe we should jump into the hot tub dude machine.
(41:49):
That is that I think we cannot take that scene
any further. No, no scene thies from patron v I P.
David W. Who wrote a scene suggestion Scarecrow from the
Worsard of Oz is that the beach and finally realizes
why the ocean is near the shore. Thanks W. D W. Nope,
(42:10):
David W. In Boston, you guys want to buy some
flip flops or skidoo boards. I got some beads and
also some SPF fifty. Come to beads. Come to beads,
all right, beads for this guy here, and that'll be
twelve dollars. Please some money, some money? Listen? Uh? Thanks
(42:36):
to that. You're gonna use a credit card? You got
the confidence what it takes to use cash these days?
I got the confidence. I got the confidence. See, I
got the confidence to all kind of things. What I
don't have as a cash see I don't have to cash?
All right? Fair enough? Credit card? It is? Uh? Can
you just sign here? Please? I put my paw on it.
(42:58):
I put my pawn. Let's see now I signed it,
put my paw on it. Look at that. What a
fancy rike. Alright, enjoy your beat? See do this guy's
moving Canada? Slow? Oh, my friends, I think he wants
to run a se do want? Don't look at in
(43:21):
C two like in a church. We have ski dudes, Yeah,
we can run a ski due by the hour. It's
oh sorry, our friend the tin man seemed to have
locked up in the hot sun. We better use the
oil here there we go. Feels better. Ski do please
(43:44):
for an hour, but it's gonna get gonna loosen up
that jaw a little bit. Yeah, yeah, thank you, thank you. Yeah,
you seem to know a lot, fella you you're a
smart guy. You go to college. You want to him
college kids? No, no college. But I did get an
honorary degree from the wizard. Alright, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
(44:09):
You must be having a hard time talking to this
dumb dumb Did everybody get everything you needed? We're gonna
be doing a beach day, Dorothy. Don't call him a
dumb dumb. Oh, come on, he's got no brain. You're
acting like a copy We're just trying to enjoy a
(44:30):
beach day. I just don't want him to dump the
place up. Okay. So, okay, so he got the he
got the oil. What is it Santana oil? Excuse me, miss,
I don't mean to be the one to point this up,
but the password is woke now? Uh? You with the
degree from was it the wizard? Yep? I got an
(44:51):
honorary degree, which is just as good as uh is
four years of institutional learning. Oh, I'm sure it is
four times seven real quick, I'll never get that. Uh.
The square root of the I's trying to go is
equal to this. It's twenty eight. Okay, it's I'm telling you.
He's dumbest rocks all right. So the ski do is? For?
(45:13):
How many hours you going for this? I don't know.
He's too scared to get out of sea, dude. This
guy won't be able to work it, and the water
is gonna rust your tinny, Okay, So I think we
should just skip it and just sit in the sand
and get a tan. Hey, Troth, I feel like you
put it down to this whole trip. You put it
down to this whole trip. We were trying to have
a little fun after after all after a crazy adventure.
(45:37):
We were trying to have a little fun. After a
crazy adventure. We come to the beach, come to the beach,
and then you were a pitch the whole time. I
want to go back home to Kansas, and here we
are at the ocean side. Can you blame me for
being disappointed? And I think you have to have total
on a leash. By the way, this is this is
not a trained and it's a support animals. So it's fine.
(45:58):
It doesn't need a leash. Okay, it was fine. Ever
since a wizard gave him that vest. He really does
think that he's a service animal. It's almost like the
wizard just gives you something and then suddenly, yeah that thing.
Don't say it, don't say it. I'm having an existential crisis. Crisis. No, look,
(46:18):
look he gave me this clock. Yeah it looks like
a heart. That doesn't mean they've got a real heart. Well,
sure it does, because clock's well because they go tick talk. Wait,
I'm beIN getting to think that maybe I'm not that
smart after all. Jesus, this is you guys are just
coming to realize it. And I want to go home.
(46:40):
And here I'm at Jersey Shore. This is ridiculous again,
if I could be totally honest with you people, of
what you've said so far is none of my goddamn business.
So for how many hours you want the ski do
for there? Huh shiny, I think we're gonna have to
hard task hard pass. How about some sunscreen for one
(47:05):
of you? I'm the only one that needs in yes, please,
thank you guys. Have any kind of on this boardwalk?
Oh of course we do. How many you want? Just
want one? Wizards? All we need? Okay? And what are
you looking for this wizard to do? You know, specifically?
How am my courage? I want a heart that I
(47:25):
want brains. I guess what about you? Lady? Well, I
maybe get off the hoops the hooch. I like the hooch.
I'm not stopping there. I'd like to ticket to Kansas.
It should be. I don't know how long of a
trip it is, but this is a good start. I
don't know if this Wizard of the Coast is going
to be able to help me with this, though. All
(47:47):
the wizards that here on the Jersey Shore can pretty
much do anything. So I got one heart, I got
a possible brain, and some courage, And by courage, what
are you looking to overcome? If I mean, I'm looking
at a come my generalized fear of everything in the world, Ah,
say Jewish fellow. Okay, so let me let me check
(48:08):
the rollerdex real quick, and uh see if for one
of the wizards is available to help you guys, I'll
be right back. That would be great. Hey, Dorothy, Uh huh.
You think maybe you're gonna cheer up a little bit? Well,
I mean, I guess it depends on how long this
is going to be a walk. The last wizard we
had to go to it was a real long journey.
I'm kind of like fed up with it. Well, this
(48:30):
boardwalk is full of all types of interesting characters. Surely
there's a wizard here who has the answers for us,
I guess, But I don't want to go on a
boardwalk road. I've already followed a yellow why don't And
where'd you get that two piece bakini? By the way,
what did you get that? It was at that shop
right there? Was? You bought it in the shop? Yeah? Why?
I don't know. It just seems like a bit much,
(48:52):
a bit much. What do you mean it's a lot
of a lot of it's a lot of gingham, or
maybe not a lot of gingham. It doesn't look Yeah,
it looks crazy. It's just like you're like our sister
kind of you know. It's like strange. Yeah, it's it's
weird looking at you at that in that tiny gangham bikini. Also,
you happened drinking a lot. I don't have a problem, okay,
(49:16):
I'm just it's like, it's what you do with the beach.
If you asked them to add pockets to the bikini
so you could put your bones in it, put your
bones in it. It does. It's you can't have bottles
on the beach, like I gotta sneak it. If I
had a heart, it would be breaking right now. Ifighting
courage like stage and intervention. If I had a brain,
(49:38):
i'd know how to finish this sentence in a clever way.
Oh all right, where right? Where right? Who needs a wizard?
My name is Larry, and I'm happy to help your kids?
Who needs who needs something? That? We've just never seen
a wizard with so many dreadlocks, sir, or so many
(49:59):
face tattoos. Well, you're at the Jersey Show, my friend
at the longer than mine. Thank you. I've never smelled
a wizard and smells that bad. That's uh old spice,
and by old I mean very Now then, who needs? What? When?
And how? Courage? Courage? That's all you need. That's all
(50:22):
I need is courage. I'm my cousin. Tommy runs a
boot camp about three miles from here. He'll fix you
up real fast. You believe you can accomplish anything. Thanks,
Mr Wizard. I'm gonna right now, goodbye, goodbody. I'm gonna
co get courage. Bye, Lione. What about you? Kid? What
can I get you? Well? You see what I opened this?
(50:46):
I got a ticker, but I want a real one
a heart. Oh you want to feel things? I want
to feel things? Yeah, yeah, that's it. I want to
feel things. Okay, kid, we got you covered and let
me just get this number here. All right, you call
this number you as for Timbo Tembo? All right? Yeah,
(51:07):
you tell him you want to feel things? My friend,
you are gonna be happy. Well you're great, You're great?
Was it? Thank you? Bye? Dorothy? Enjoy? All right, then, scarecrow,
wasn't what do you need this? I'm dumb as rocks? Right?
I want to brain Oh, you want to think things.
(51:31):
Is that it? Yeah, you want to be able to
figure things out. Yeah, you want to learn the way
of the land. I guess Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
There's a liquor store around the corner, and I'm gonna
give you this gun. I want you to go in
there and rob Just point the gun at the person
behind the counter and say give me all your cash.
(51:54):
Then you get popped. Then you go to the joint.
When you're in the joint, you're gonna learn everything there
is to know about Well, they're welcome. That sounds convoluted, Dorothy, Dorothy,
Wake up, Dorothy, Wake up, Dorothy. Four. The machines have won. No,
(52:20):
the machines have one. Though the robot apocalypse happened, you
were blacked out for the whole goddamn war. You wouldn't
put those put the booze down, Dorothy, You missed it all. No,
I was in a dream. I wasn't dreaming. Yeah, who
was my uncle's weren't it? We were on the beach
and I was wearing the tiniest, the tiniest bikini with
(52:41):
your uncle's three of you. That's who we are. Where
are your uncle's But that's that's creepy. Yeah, you know,
how do I miss everything? I hope she's okay. Look
to be recovering rather well. It was pretty trippy. You
were a dog. You were a dog, of course I
(53:04):
was Dorothy. Dorothy. Come with me if you want to
live through that portal? Yes, yes, all right, get me
out here. Okay, Look, I got to be honest with you.
I'm just doing this so my brother can have a wife.
(53:26):
All right. Do you like movies from two thousand four?
What that's way in the future. Oh no, it's that
mean Mrs Gulch. She's going to take away your dog. No,
let me go through the dog's fine, I don't care
(53:48):
about the dog. Let's go to your portal. You don't
care about the dog for today. We will finish it
in Starbucks, where everything go to find its place. Let's
thank all of our alchemist Joey and Greg had to
Ronnie had an appointment. Was something about a crack dealer,
which I didn't even know was still a thing. But
(54:10):
we give our thanks to Joey and wish him luck
along his journey as long as he remains in the background. Uh.
Next up, christ Oberono thanks so much, Christopher, and thank you.
Let's send folks over the Comedy Fix please a podcast
that's good. Yeah, that's a podcast that I do, The
Comedy Fix. Hey, if you want to do the opposite
of what you just heard here, meaning improvised but dramatically,
(54:33):
consider taking a workshop with me. Chris dash aberta dot
com slash workshops, Baby Spots of Philly up. People are
watching new classes. It's a good time. It's a real time,
you know what I mean, real time? Sure, go that please,
and let's hear from one of the former students, now
if we could, who had a successful run at that class?
Larry is it? Yeah, my name's Larry. We had a
(54:57):
real good class. Thanks dramatic. Thank you. And Mark gagli Alred,
thank you so much for being here. Oh it's always
a delight. Thanks for having me. Where can folks find
your wares should you want to share them? I'm online
at mark Gags on Everything and uh I have a
podcast with how Lovely called We Got This with Mark
(55:19):
and how uh So check that out on Maximum Fun
that's been going on a couple of years now, six
years yet. Thank you very cool. Um and Craig Crook.
How's thank you so much for being here as always.
Oh my pleasure. Sorry if I wasn't a hundred percent
you know, concentrated during this recording because I was finishing
(55:44):
which board the entire time and Tawny Kntain Rest in
Peace was fantastic in it and that Wuigi board man
the demons that it contained, that was scary. So absolutely
check it out. It's only I vhs at uh and
uh and good luck finding it. Yeah, good luck finding yeah.
(56:05):
And thank you Craig whose WiFi we will fix between
now and next time. Just to get our producer and
engineer of the Stars, Mr Doug Bayane the hell off
our backs. James Heeney, thank you very much from Chicago,
Land and UH still looking for that address at Crystal
Lake whenever you're comfortable, and UM, I will text you
my address to send me a key so I can
(56:26):
go and break into your place and uh solve your problem.
Thank you. I appreciate it. With garbage and trash, and
let's thank our engineering and prosion of the Stars Mr
Doug Bane to find folks that I hurt media. I'm
your host, Kevin Polk. Thank you each and every Day one.
Of you for listening to us and giving us your
suggestions via our new email. I'll give you this email
(56:48):
at gmail dot com. Please tell everyone you've ever met
and if you have a moment at a review, be
kind to each other where masks when asked, and until
next time, com yes and I
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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