August 25, 2020 • 57 mins
Shitty time travelers.
Snoofa, “Hold the door” and “Can you buzz me in” at IHOP.
Minimum security prison.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Oh, I'll come back to another episode of Alchemy. There
this COVID nineteen addition on your host Kevin Pollock. Yes,
that's Kevin po Am I excited as helpful return of
a certain someone. Yes, yes, the hell I am, but
I digrats let's meet Chamis. Shall we no particular order?
Please help me welcome back? They much loved him, Miss
(00:24):
Vanessa Ragling. Yes, uh what alcamist did you miss the most?
And one? Oh, I can't here's a real question, anything
at all you want to share from your entering six
(00:49):
months now of COVID luck any one or two months?
Say nothing worth? Sharon's sister, it's been up. We did
take a safe as possible road trip across the damn
country and that was you know. We were listening to
(01:10):
podcasts about history and learning a lot of very unsettling
things and seeing the true beauty of the country. And
it was a real strange mixed mash of feelings of
a lot of sness and like, oh, this is a
beautiful place. There's so much worth, all the good things,
and it's such a difficult time. So I recommend gloving
(01:33):
up and taking a gloving up. Gloving up everybody thank
you for that, Thank you for sharing. Uh and and
please welcome back now. Say hello to Chris Alvarado former
Mr Pop. You think you could teach me to pop? Really,
because when the guys who taught me how to do it,
(01:54):
they put me up against the wall. This is true
in a garage and just had me do this very well.
Are people can't see it, but it's this very basic
move up against the wall over and over and that
trains the muscles to pop like this, you know. Yeah, yeah,
I do know what you mean, and I appreciate it,
and I need you to come over immediately, all right.
(02:15):
Say hello to Mr Craig Gatkowski cacao. What is mid
August like where you are? Well? I, since we last talked,
I've relocated to a state and underclosed state just north
of north of North Carolina. I've said too much already. Um,
it's uh, it's human. But Los Angeles is in the
(02:38):
triple digits right now. Yeah, and uh, and there's also
wildfires going and there's I don't know, you gotta yell
at Los Angeles. Uh? Also, why is your local state
location undisclosed? I don't know. I'm in more fun. I'm
in Virginia. Good luck finding me. Yeah, it's that way.
If it's undisclosed, you're right. Hey there's James Heeny, Hinky
(03:01):
Jinkie Heen. What would you like on your hot dog mustard? Absolutely?
And no catch up. But I want to warn anybody
that heard Chris talk about popping in locking. If you
don't have someone to train, you don't do it. I
hurt myself a lot watching a VHS tape of popping
and locking. Uh. If you do it like it's like
(03:24):
you're connects. You can't see me, but I'm popping and locking,
and I might have whiplash already. I don't think you're
completely on. Is your fifties a good time to first
get into it? Do you think? Yeah? Yeah, almost as
good as your safeties? And last, but to kiss my
(03:46):
grits if you think him least, it's Joey Greer too
freak to speak. Do you ever did you ever live
in an apartment or house you believed was haunted? Yes? Yes, okay,
all right, I'm gonna a little bit more than that,
I think. All right, So this is this is true.
So in California, Southern California is an area called ply
(04:07):
A Vista and this is a new housing development that
was put up. Their dream Worker is going to be
put on the lot. And it's part of the Bologna
Creek wetlands. It was like this natural yeah wetland, right,
and it's an awkwafer. It's completely necessary for Yeah, it's
when that. It's when you lived there and when Jame
we had the dinner at the canteliness and that was yeah,
(04:29):
so this is this is before that and it's right
next to elm Or School. I went too. And while
they were dredging, uh the creek, all right, so who
are you? They found all these remains of Native Americans.
There was there was an actual settlement there right for
the Native Americans in that area, and they removed the
(04:51):
bodies and they couldn't do that. When you find that,
you're supposed to block it off, like okay, now there's
gonna be archaeologists and excavation and this this polter. Guys
know how this ends. I swear to God. So they
moved the bodies and there was a giant mound next
to campus where they moved all the artifacts, all the
bodies there just to continue building. And there was this
(05:11):
you know, big outcry, and the school got involved and
and you know, different religious leaders came together, and you know,
they couldn't stop the building, but they just were able
to get a blessing from the native people and to
to kind of just like you know, re remember the
lives and all that, and so that the buildings projects
still went up. And I just remember there was this
the most weird feeling in the plate could have been
(05:33):
because I love the movie Polter Guys and all the
other ship, but I promise you it's the only place
I've ever been where I I felt like just being
watched and I'm just like I never felt comfortable and
never felt easy. So the tall skinny guy never showed
up at the front door and said yeah, no dad, no,
none of that. But it was just really scary ship.
(05:54):
And also if you're thinking of moving there, don't. It's
the ground is sinking constantly. It's so I know, ever
a build near Aqua first. I mean, that's real number
one for Venetian. I remember the handbook. Uh, let's do
a damn show. Almost all of our seat suggestions gathered
from your listener emails. If they're not, they're from our
(06:14):
patron V I. P. S to become a patron supporter
of the show huh and get some exclusive content and
other perks. Just head on over to patreon dot com
slash alchemy this. If you'd like to submit a scene
suggestion by your email, please write to the podcast your
name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here,
look at me? This ill seen Number one, in fact,
(06:40):
comes to us from listener Danny, who wrote, Hello to
the Beautiful Alchemist. I've been a listener since day one.
How could I not love a podcast hosted by Kevin Pollick,
an actor I've heard of since high schools. That's the
(07:01):
best fucking moniker I could imagine. Uh, an actor I've
heard of? Anyways, you guys bring some cheer to my
day after I listened to another podcast that comes out
the same day but is a downer. Well cool, glad
we can pull you out of that as well. You
brought some much needed cheer into my days after I've
lost some people close to me. Ah, keep it up,
(07:23):
I love you all. Let's stop fucking around. Here's your
scene suggestion, shitty time travelers. Also, I requested at least
one long distance Joey Greer, Yelle regards Danny from Saskatchewan, Canada.
Mind you care for the crystals themselves are delicate? Shout up,
(07:47):
shut up some sockets? Man? Are you gonna run this?
Oh my god? I thought you were the travelers I
was looking for. This is a home depot. Why would
we come here at the time? Wait? Wait, wait, hold on, Ted?
What you were looking for? Nothing? Nothing? I'm no know
what the fund? Did you know? My son's right? You
(08:07):
said time travelers. Look, look, just just put me down
and I'll tell you. Okay, put me down, please, putting
you down and putting you down? Now. Look, I have
in my possession two time crystals. Last week? Huh we
want to go back to last week? Wait? Wait, wait
wait you can well hold on, Bobby. Remember we had
(08:28):
that HOGI you love that sandwich. I was still with
your mother last week? Yeah, last week? Who is that
third person? Is that third person with you? Ye? My
brother is my dad? Oh? Hello? Hello? Ye? Last week?
Last week? You have to prop the crystals together? Excuse me.
(08:59):
I'll have the turkey, salami and pickles, okay, and what
kind of bread? Your joys? That's literally it's not over there.
It's your choice, though I'm not supposed to Okay, white bread,
(09:20):
white bread, Okay, Christian, for a second, I'm in the
middle of a chose customers, I suggested I didn't. He
told me. You said the customers. Wait wait, you say
the customers always right, and then you also say that
(09:40):
the customer but like, but that I can't but the
customer told me to. Paul, you're saying is correct all
right now, but listen to right now. You don't ever
choose the bread for a customer. This is the part.
This is the part where someone someone pulls out a gun,
right yeah, yeah, yeah, but we can't things like you
don't want to make what I'm gonna guess what my
(10:06):
order is? A six inch your head. Oh, you're punching
me in the stomach with a gun. It's not loaded.
It's just scare away potential predators. You suck, you suck.
I forget you shoot yourself when this happened. Yeah, but
maybe it won't happen this time. I looked pretty, I
(10:28):
looked pretty, calm, cool. Oh should I shop myself? Yeah,
yours already. Uh, they're ordering right now, We already are
ordering right now, right up there, Yeah, we're ordering. Well, boy,
it smells smells like somebody took a dump in their pants. Uh.
(10:52):
I got myself on my locker and I'm never coming back.
How is work today, baby? Did you bring home some
cash or some sandwiches? I didn't. I didn't bring them
many sandwiches today. Um, I have five dollars to add
(11:17):
to our nest egg. Thank you? And what's the matter?
Something's clearly it is the matter. There we go, water works,
water works, water works. Every time I have an emotion,
it's not water works, all right, this one fighting for baby.
(11:38):
First of all, we can't afford guess, so keep the
lots off. What's the matter? What happened? Hey, we're back, man, Yes?
Can we get them sockets? There? We went back in
(11:58):
time till last week? Sure, he can we get those
sockets or my son's gonna pick you up again? Yes,
the sockets right over here, right over? Yeah? What is
going on? The sockets on a different aisle? What have
you changed? What did you touch in the past? We
didn't touch anything? Well, no, Bobby, you did? You did?
(12:22):
You didn't throw that your coke on the floor and
use it? Well nobody can, he said Kobe, And I
was like R I P And then he missed and
then it went, but he usually makes it. Tell me
exactly what happened. I need to know exactly. I don't
recognize any of these aisles. Well, well, I guess the
(12:42):
first thing was is we were back at that sandwich
shop and we were watching ourselves order, and everything happened
exactly the same gun got pulled. It was previous, My
previous self did not any ship that's on me now
is just it was because I was around it. It
was not this me. Was that? Excuse me? I'm looking
(13:03):
for the pigs bud blood, my god, my god, it
should be in this aisle, but it's not. Now, wait
a minute, it's too waiting for your hogies. Look exactly
like those two guys who are closer to the counter
waiting for their hogies. That's us. That's us, that's us twins.
(13:28):
That's both of our twins. We both have a twin.
That's us twins. Know now, why would one set of
twins to be waiting further back in line rather than
waiting with your twin? Now, you gotta be true. Now,
you guys are from an alternate timeline, aren't you. No, no, no,
(13:48):
you guys are from an alternatate timeline is anybody ordering?
Is anybody ordering? I know what I'd like if here
I want to order. Oh, I'm sorry, those are us twins.
So what's your name? What's your name? My name is Aquifer. Aquifer. Uh,
(14:12):
maybe we can look you up and we go back
we think to the future. Oh you're literally going back
to the future. Well yeah, Michael J. Fox. Can I
get in line here and to get my orders? Whos
Holy sh it? Why would sets the twins hang out
(14:33):
with sets of twins? No? Wait a minute, that his
pants and it smells like you ship your pants too. Yeah.
Look at this soda. Look at this soda? Them but
a fox my feet. It seems as those the crystals
have been combined, a time postal has been opened. A
(14:56):
chance to read having across the universe is nigh. Dear point.
Uh that was that was my point. I came to you. No,
don't take me away, don't take me take up away?
Sever him at once? Next? H Hi did he call
(15:20):
you emperor fuck my feet? Yes, yes, that's the name.
How can I help you on? No for the Christion?
That's our seed one seed one Scene two comes through
(15:40):
some Patreon v I P Beaker, who wrote, so glad
to hear that Vanessa will be back soon. That's right,
we mentioned it just last week. It'll be great to
hear the sultry tones of snoof again. Super sumptuous of
Beaker anyway, Characters like Kevin's order up. I didn't realize
that was a character. I just liked the l or
her up in the back of So you didn't You
(16:01):
didn't realize? I mean I yelled a lot. I just
didn't know it was a character. Uh. A character like
Joey's hold the door without that makes sense, and characters
like that anyways really tick on my tips. Hey Baker,
watch yourself. I just want to hear Kevin read that
out loud on the air. Well. Congratulations, I did. So.
What would happen if order uphold the door and Craig
(16:24):
as can you buzz me in? Craig, did you realize
that was one of your characters? And Snoo for All
collide at the International House of Pancakes? Well, I love
an eye huff, so I had to include this thing.
Hm alright, so um, you can take the table if
you want. Ted Now I understand this is your I'm sorry.
I thought you were looking at minute saying I could
(16:46):
take the table, and I was gonna say, I don't
want the table on and you can keep the playble. No,
I'm up for the next table. I was. I was
saying the table. I'm a lot and I'm not in this.
I'll see my way out. No, hold on you, you
are in this. You are on the clock today. You
this is your shift. But next almost like I got
(17:06):
a new watch. It's a fit them and I'm I'm
not on the stand and all that we're making me.
I'm honestly overloaded. Rock Now it's a okay, okay, okay,
what you what you both need to understand today is
today is we're rolling out our new name. We're getting
rid of the P. We're adding the B. Now what
(17:27):
is the B stand for breakfast? Good? Good good? So
excuse me be uh no, no not, it's it's I hub.
Were you not? Did you not pay attention in the
(17:48):
meeting last one day? I just missed because I'm looking
at my foot bone and ah, don't don't. Honestly, no,
I thought I was not even honestly, I thought we're
gonna be b hum. Yeah, well the fit looks fine.
I'm just confused. I guess can I call you Troy? Sure? Yeah?
(18:16):
Oh I cannot read your good on name tags because
of the reflections in here, Troy, I got this in
them from one year or your cohorts or your compatriots.
I want it's a little beefer now, I want to know.
(18:37):
I wan it was a simple man to not want
to clock. That tells me how manna, how far I go.
That's what I found up for, and that's not what
I'm giving. Is that white bread on your face too?
What's my white bron nolet's just still the beefer. That's
the fat part. So are you gonna fix it or not?
(18:57):
I plugged something in and it will not out play like,
oh okay, great, so okay, so yeah what did you
plug into? It looks like you have several Oh my god,
this is like a Jerry Rigg. I was throwing everything
I I was throwing spaghetti at the wall. Troy, Hey, Tray,
thanks for coming in. Yeah, it's just a little uh,
(19:17):
a little in house check I want to make. I
just want to say, first off, yeah, so sorry, yeah,
well I I appreciate the apology. I don't think term
like Jerry rigged just something you would be proud of.
So let's talk about what you meant by that. UM
had a couple of complaints. Customers are in line behind
a woman. I want to say, who is buying a fitbit?
(19:41):
So you said to this customer, Uh, Jerry rigged, And
I'm just curious what people's you thought you might have
been offending. Well, my buddy Jerry runs different. Yeah, no,
that's not gonna work here. Look, I know you're going
through a lot with Paula right now and kind of
want to drop the hammer on somebody. It would be
(20:02):
great if we could leave that bit out of this conversation. Okay,
all right, try all right. I don't know where my
kids are right now. You're happy you brought that up.
Jerry rigged? Is it the Nazis? Is that what you
mean by Jerry? No, No, not at all. I don't
mean the Nazis. What other Jerry's could there be? My
(20:23):
buddy Jerry, My Jerry, Jerry Faulkner. He runs riggs, He
rings things together, he runs riggs. Yeah, that's where's at
least as as I've heard it. Do you not want
to work here anymore? Just tell me straight? Say, say Tim,
I don't want to work here anymore. No, of course
I did, Tray. What are you doing at my shop?
Can't you see how this it's pretty dangerous for you
(20:45):
to walk in here when we're rigging everything up. Everybody,
Let's stop the machinery. Let's stop the machinery. Stop the
stop the rigging machines, everybody. We want everybody to be safe.
We have we have had an accident here in a
hundred ninety three days older. Rig Tray, what's up? I
(21:08):
could always make time for you. I got let go
by uh by fit bit and me and I what
do you mean you're you're so good at working with
small electronics with those tiny, tiny little hands yours Jerry.
But my boss he's gonna through some crazy, crazy shit
I don't know, like his wife left him to. When
(21:28):
you left here, I had to replace your position. If
you come back into Jerry's rigs, you're gonna have to
start at the bottom. Jerry's Jerry, it's me. I'm that sick.
Can you buzz me in? Uh? Yeah, yeah? I hold
on a second, all right, it should be buzz now?
Are you did you do it? You know what? This
thing always confuses me? Tray? I pushed the button over
(21:52):
and over and over. It doesn't seem to be Well,
this is a tiny electronic. I know how to work
with these things. I don't do I do big electronics.
Have to synchronize the buttons or just get by you.
If I just squeeze by you, I'm I'm bringing a package.
How did you even get Oh? I'm waiting to get
buzzed in? Oh I can just I can go in?
Can I go in? Can you can you please? Good luck?
(22:15):
Good luck? You know what? Tray? You know what tray?
I got an idea? How about you just manned the
door and then I don't have to get distracted, because
if you could tell, my hands only got a couple
more fingers left before I'm no longer able to rig anything.
And what are we going to change the name of
our company too? Then? Huh? Our company? No? Well, not
(22:39):
your company, my company company. Excuse me? Can you can
you open? I have a package here? Ups open them?
I have so many ideas, so many things that we
can change. I misspoke, I really misspoke. Okay, it's always
gonna be Jerry's riggs. You don't mind that I go
ahead of you? Right? I I was first, I'm waiting
(23:02):
to get buzzed in. I think this door is Jerry
rigged um. The buzz should be working. Check the Okay,
I'm on a time schedule. I got I'm watched you.
That tells me how far I'm going, and I got
to like go further, you know what I mean? Okay,
so what else is coming too? So I appreciate it? Man?
I signed in, sign out, I'm out, Jerry, buzz man,
buzz and Jerry, it should be working. Oh I should
(23:26):
be working? Okay, good, I'm in. Thank you so much.
Do you want to sign for this place? Yeah? Sorry
for one of the co owners. Let's get it on here. Okay,
thank you, sign that. Just let me take a look first.
Thank you so much. All right, buzz me out? Sure
it should What is there a buzz out? Okay? Yeah
(23:46):
you can buzz out, Jerry. I just got buzzed out somehow.
So I'm I'm two doors out now I'm gonna make
an eyebop run if anybody wants anything? Uh high, Have
you folks had a chance to look at the menu yet?
Would you like? Can I bring you some coffee? How
(24:06):
would you like to start this meal? I mean however
you wanted to. But if I can be honest, I'm
gonna need another thing, another canister or maple syrup, because
I like everything. I need to be sweet. It's all.
It's all overflowing maple syrup here. As much as you
can handle, we've got. So the food that comes with
the dish, it's cooked in, like at the skillet, Like
(24:27):
is there a food that comes in the skillet that
has made it? Because I love that experience when the
food just comes right when in the vehicle that it
was prepared in. Yes, the chicken and hash does come
in fact in the skillet, but is it is it
a skillet mask? Like is it a plate mask greatness
as skillet or is it the skillet I used on
the stove? Do you hear what she's saying or are
(24:48):
you just trying to lie to my lady here it's
not the skillet they cooked in it? That would be
a little And then why did you say that? Are
you serious? Sious? You asked if it comes with the skillet,
I'm telling you it comes into telling you no order,
no snooper. Yeah, the cook just took the lion. Cook
(25:11):
just took my table, which was gonna be your table.
Nobody around this place seems to want to do anything
about it. There's nobody. Are you saying that's what I think?
Are nothing gives me matters? I'm saying, stop on out.
Someone doesn't respect me? Are you telling him? If someone
doesn't respect me, what are I'm saying? Someone? Now he's
(25:32):
doing orders, he's trying to put both of such a
job like almost with you, fran I don't understand how
the business is working anymore. You don't. Typically you're supposed
to be the host. You want to work tables, both
of you. That's with these two Christmas. If you rub
(25:54):
them together, you can go back in time and look
like a little porny city. Don't say I put them
on your chests together. Put me down, put me down?
You just give me. What are you? I'm a janitor? Yeah?
(26:16):
What what do we do? Well? I don't know. Maybe
he'll respect us. Who I'm not sure what we do. Honestly,
he doesn't look like he's stressed to be a janitor.
That's a robe. It's a long robe. Crystals. Well, all
(26:37):
of your stuff is packed and I don't want to
hear that you had a problem being buzzed and buzzed
out again. You're late for the last time. Okay, babe,
just let me in, just tell me in. Okay, your
stuff is packed, you come in and get it. I'm
going to the room. Don't talk to me, all right?
Can you? Can you at least buzz the stuff out. Yeah,
I'll just buzz it out and then that way you
won't need to buzz me in. Thank god, I'm happy
(26:59):
to do that. Okay, so pull, you gotta pull your pushing.
What you have to pull your pushing? Okay, buzz and
then I'll push. No, okay, I've just buzzed. You have
to pull. This is I'm talking. It's not working. This
whole thing is not working. Buzz. Excuse me. I'm sucking
(27:24):
your girlfriend. Look my friends here. So maybe you can
just leave because I gotta buzz him in. Like I say,
is somebody fucking you? Let's just say he knows how
to push my button? Do you know what I mean?
I set you up for that one, didn't I Yeah,
thank you so much. Just buzz my stuff out and okay,
(27:48):
when I buzz him in, I will buzz your stuff out. Okay,
it'll be simultaneous. If you can handle that great. Okay, Hey, baby,
he's I mean he was this a made up guy?
Is this a made up guy? No? No, no, he's
he's like I've just heard him. He's coming. See that's him.
(28:09):
He's so polite. Listen, he doesn't sound like he's getting
any closer. That's his thing, that's his thing. Is that?
Is that a personality? I mean that's a catch phrase.
It best, that's not He's not a character. I'm I'm
a real, three dimensional man with alive Look. Look, here's
(28:36):
what I know about him. He's always coming, if you
know what I mean. Okay, I set you up for
that one. I'm feeling good tonight. All right, just buzz
me in, Just buzz me. I'm not buzzing you in.
I made that clear. I will buzz your stuff out,
no promise soon as he comes. Ben, all right, I
don't want to be here when he comes. Hi. Sorry. Yeah,
(28:57):
do you know that this is not think steps from
bihab to rush this down mill there. I'll try to
tell people stuff. Hello, Hello, wait a minute, there's somebody
who looks just like you across the street. Oh that's us.
(29:22):
Are you from an alternate timeline? I think that's yesterday.
I mean that it's been over there and I don't know.
She was rubbing the city rocks together. She told me
that a lady a man in a ladies road, you
gotta push. I just sorry, I just missed it. I
got distracted and I missed. Here he comes. You get
(29:45):
from me, you bit, you get a wife from mape Bit. Okay,
thank you to all the franchise e owners. If I
hub coming in today, this is a big, big meeting.
Of course, we've already unveiled a new name, but we
also want to unveil a We have a question already. Yes,
please go for it. Please say your name and would
(30:06):
franchise you are running? Please Adelaide Aqueduct. I run the
franchise in Tucson, Arizona. And I I think, yeah, I
love I love pushing breakfast. Um, it's never too late
for breakfast. My my question was more. I didn't think
(30:26):
I was going to have to introduce myself. I just
had a really quick question, would I do I love
I I love selling breakfast. I love I love watching
people eat eat bacon and eggs, And uh, I know
what this is great? Why don't you come up here
for a second. Oh my god, it was a small thing.
(30:48):
I thought that I would be over a minute ago, Adelaide.
This is something we love to do here, and I
have this something new that weren't veiling. We want to
see your hidden talent, So why don't we give you
I don't know, listen to thirty minutes, maybe an hour
and a half, and you just give us. I don't
know what your secret talent, Go for it. I can
period on demand. Let's see. I don't want to. I
(31:15):
don't like it. It's a secret until now, and I panic.
So I told, let's get the let's get the chicken
skillet underneath her, and let's uh, I'm not the one,
the one that we used to cook in or the
one that we played. Great take thirty minutes to an
hour of this. All I have to do is is
(31:36):
think of um, the act of my us slopping, and
I can get a layer off and uh, I'll take
another scotch. My god, what a crazy fucking seminarmright, Yeah,
I hate these things. Just come in there. I just honestly,
I come for the open bar. I don't come for
this like crazy talent show. Whatever the heldre that's hilarious. Yeah,
(31:58):
it would be nice if we just got ate to
the bar, listen to another one of these seminars. Jesus enough,
a gentleman. I don't mean to interrupt here, but Adelaide,
that Adelaide's walking in. Oh she's a real pistol. Huh.
Period on the demand is crazy. Let's forget her a drink.
(32:19):
I was gonna meet the guy who could shoot himself
on command, because it really, that's more impressive to you
than period onto me. I mean, don't judge him, and
I hate to break up the boys club, but I
need a fucking drink. Were great? Stop I did. I'm embarrassed.
I didn't want to do that. I feel like I
(32:40):
just had my period all day because I did, and
I'm exhausted and I need a drink. Well that was
a discussion I was having, Like you just timed it out.
You just happened to be had your friend in town
and thought you'd make a real spin of it. But
you weren't serious. All right. But oh yeah, I've been
able to do this since I was I guess fourteen. Uh,
(33:05):
I had finished one of my cycles. This was early
on in my cycle, so I had finished one of
my cycles. I removed through pardon me luo phases. Yeah, okay,
uh and uh. I finished it three days ago, totally done,
you know. And then I mean, I'm in health class
and we're reading about what a period is, and I
(33:28):
started I look at the diet it was. It was
a how Mifflin. It was a Howton Mifflin science book.
And the illustration of the uterus you're seeing at the
bar with me what there was? There was a texture
there that had too much I'm with you, what do
you mean off forget get the previous If you're not
(33:59):
Adelaide want to say, hey, you girls, want to take
this outside. I'm having a conversation here with somebody. We
don't think it's appropriate to use gender as an offensive word. Okay, no,
it isn't appropriate. That's why I'm using it. I'm sorry.
Were you speaking to me and my girlfriend or were
you talking to those two people? I was actually talking
to these two jerks, trying to demean them horribly. Okay,
(34:23):
so we're using gender as a weapon. Okay, okay, Hey,
lady friend gl whoever you are, the pretty one with
your bust, not be talking to me. You're not talking
to me. Are you I'm talking? I wasn't talking to you, okay, mistake, Yeah,
you're a mistake. I could period on your face. Yeah
(34:49):
there after you say that, don't challenger, Bruce. I'm sorry,
but the whole event was just the disaster. I mean
between the brawl at the bar as well a multiple
What do you want from me? Isolated? Fired? I have
to be here for this, Yes, you have to be
here for this, Bruce. I'm telling you, for God's sake.
Who the hell else am I going to tell you?
(35:11):
This guy here next to me, what's he doing? I
don't want to hear about it. I don't want to
hear about it. I just managed this iehop Okay, sorry
I don't. I just managed this holiday in for your
I hob thing. Okay, this is just this is just
a convention. This is just you guys renting out the
(35:32):
space to talk to your your franchisees. You know, I
don't want anything to do with it. In fact, there's
gonna be a lot of fees for the burns, the blood,
the ship, the broken glass. Uh, go ahead, talk you
sure you can't name a few more things that were
in their own well, there was somebody somebody has has
(35:53):
ripped up the center of the carpeting, which is insane
because that's Berber carpeting. Berber. There's Berber here at the
day in Berber carpeting. Yeah, it makes it easier for cleaning,
but typically we're not cleaning blood out. So there's a
hefty fine that's gonna go into the security deposit. We're
just gonna take it out. I hope i hobb can
afford it. Well, boss, what do you have to say
(36:14):
to this? Yoho, Bruce, you're the boss? What do you mean?
What do I think? Are you saying I'm the boss?
I am saying you're the boss. I'm saying you're You're
You're as much as the boss is. Tony Dan's and
my friend, oh my god. Well, well well here's trouble.
(36:34):
Denny's in the motherfucking house. We're also having a convention
of swords. We knew we'd be running into you, ladies. Hey,
we got we actually have some real big issues. This
isn't just about like Breakfast Wars. Franchise owners gone say
what wait, okay, hold on, he put put the knife away.
(36:56):
Pu put the knifeway. Carl put the knife away. What
do you. Okay, what what's what's going on? I don't know.
We did to unfair? Okay, well, I can already see
the problems. I can already see the problems that we
learned at Denny's years ago. Nothing impromptu, everything on the schedule.
(37:20):
It just open hell and opened a portal to hell.
I'm I'm from Berber Carpeting. Here to repair the damage. Okay,
the it's the main hall hall A. We're gonna have
to yeah, it's I don't even think that's a buzz door. Honestly,
(37:40):
I think it's just a turn knoph Could you give
it a shot? Okay, I see your mouth moving, but
uh but nothing's coming out off my mouth. Nothing's coming
out of your mouth. Okay. Uh here, I'll just open
the door for you. There are just where are you going?
(38:05):
I got in. I opened the door for Berber Carpeting.
I'm going around and you can buzz me in. All
I'm saying is we at Denny's ahead of time when
we thought a portal to Hell opened up? Do you
remember do you know of moons over Miami? Who doesn't
(38:26):
know moons over Miami? I mean, it was the greatest
thing ever that on the outside to you guys, Yeah,
but inside inside lost. We lost a lot of lives.
A lot of blood was shed that weekend. What are
you supposed to be a party? Supposed to be a party,
and people said, you do have parties? Wouldn't you unveil new?
We used to? We learned our less was the last party? No,
(38:49):
we used to? Two is the last time we held
a party for an unvailing What happened? What happened? Yes?
What happened? Can I get my I'm checking in. Yeah,
I'm sorry. We're gonna have to We're gonna have to
hold for a little bit longer. We're replacing the carpeting. Hey, hey,
(39:13):
when does the dinnys thing start? I'm gonna up. Wait
what are you? Are you which? What franchise are you with?
I work for, work for. I'm not tricking you. I'm
not tricking you. Okay, I'm sorry to see you weren't
wearing a pass here. Let me give you a pass
supernumerary status that get you into all the lectures for
(39:36):
free this weekend. Supernumary. That's right. Well, that's gonna be great.
I'll be going to God's Not. Oh you know, you
know how it went down. All right, I have boys
(39:57):
nice chatting with you? Can you you didn't finish what
happened with that scene? To everybody? Scene too, did not finish.
Scene three was sent to a Spike Greg, who wrote,
high out and this. I've been listening from the start,
and you guys have made me laugh at college, my
(40:18):
part time job, and through the many hours of job
searching after college. But I digress. My scene suggestion is
this minimum security prison. Thanks for the laughs, Greg. A
guy who will be a who will be a Patriot
member as soon as he finds a full time job.
Thanks Greg. Hey Pete Connie, did you need cigarettes today? Um?
(40:43):
I wanted a new vape? Oh new vape? Sure flavor strawberry,
I guess, or some maybe know something tropical, like what's
the most vacation any one you have? Well, we got
like a colata pina colata kind of that's so exactly
yet that is so exactly it. We've also got the
lava flow, which is a dacriana colada combined. Oh um, yes,
(41:11):
please can okay, I'm glad I mentioned it. What about you?
You need cigarettes? Want some cigarellos? Just cigarellos, cigarellos how
many any cigarettos? As many packs, I'd say, as many
packs as ten dollars will get me. I'll get you too,
And what about you, fella? Mhm? Any cigarettes for you.
(41:35):
I don't think he's I don't think he's alive. Honestly,
he hasn't moved. Did he get shived here in the
minimum prison in many, many decades? Oh my god, no
one gets shived here, right. Check. I think it was
a natural death. Oh, natural causes. We get those deaths
(41:57):
all the time. He seems like kind of a young
followed though for such a thing. Hey, buddy, you're sleeping
one off? What's going on here? All right? What point
does this become fond? Sir? What? What? What? What's going on?
We have a problem down at the block? Oh no,
(42:20):
oh no, I know, I know, I know, I know. Okay,
it looks like possibly maybe I didn't meet his died. Okay,
I don't know. Maybe, Okay, I hope you did. I
think you just said and then made his died. But
you slurred your words together like you're afraid of telling me.
But just give it to me straight. I can handle it.
I don't know, okay, if you went faster, and slurred more. Okay, okay,
(42:46):
I think I mean, man, am I interrupting anything? Oh
my god? Oh no, sorry, mag Sorry man, I'm sorry. Sorry,
Maggie wearing everything's on edge here because any died? And
(43:13):
then Madda, yes, yes, and then what was your news? Oh,
the monogram jama as you ordered for cell block beer
all here? Oh? Yes, because they're going to give him
for the Tuesday Cutes Day. That's right, it is Tuesday
(43:33):
Cutesday coming up. Tobias. I'm glad you're here for this
because you're gonna be in charge of handing out these
monogram pjs to every inmate on cell blocked B and
how many less? Okay, don't say that. Don't say that, Tobias.
Who's free? Who's free? Who went free? I love it
when they go free. Somebody went free from life? Scrasp.
(43:57):
You're gonna finished out of Claire. Who's asking me? What
do you mean? I mean? Who do you represent that
wants my Claire? No? One just walks up and says, yeah,
I want you to Claire. You know what I mean.
There's always something behind it. So okay, so you're having
(44:18):
a bad day, Yeah, my wife got me another computer,
and now I got I got a computer already. So
it's like everyone's looking at me. Who who's the guy
with do computers? You know? Now I'm an asshole. No,
I get that. I get that. I get that. Look
take de Claire. I'm sorry. Just one bye, one bye,
one bye. It's all yours. I don't even want and
(44:39):
I lost my appetite. Look, you gotta know something. What's up?
Everyone here loves you. I do know that. They just
think you're the best. You're smart, you're fund out, your handsome.
I appreciate that. Uh you got a date for the
dance yet on Saturday. Well, if I can tell you
(45:00):
something in confidence, I mean, the boys and I, it's
just you and me. The boys and I were gonna
we're gonna break out Friday. This is how I find out. Yeah,
I mean, because I won't be here Saturday for the dance.
The boys and you were breaking up Friday. And what
am I gonna be to computer Johnny? All of a
sudden you want to join us? Yes, now it's an
(45:23):
elaborate plan. Now look, all right, I'm sorry you took
a ship in public multiple times. All right, Now, this
prison is really nice, Okay, they say it has everything
you need, all the accommodation, all the amenities. Okay, and
I know it's gonna be a little unnerving at first,
but I think you get used to you'll meet a
lot of nice people. Okay, that's put off the bell offer.
(45:45):
I'm gonna keep it on. You can keep it on, okay, now, please, No,
I'd like to know how many steps and what time
I'm taking them. Solid if I take ten or fifteen
staffs at ten o'clock, I'm on with that for a while,
and then now and for nuch, don't come in. I
can just keep it with calibrating along with the sambam.
So thank you for you would do that, you would
(46:07):
determine what time you take what steps. Well, that's great,
that's a great thing about the fift But once I
got a figure it out, but I guess, I guess
we'll not wear the toilets just so I don't get
myself on this pickle again. Although being this cell as
well as there's communal toilets throughout coming in toilets, we
can multiple butts on one toilett. Oh, it's not a trough,
(46:34):
it's not a giant hole in the ground. No, okay,
it's there. There's a multiple, there's a nice place, you know. Yes,
I was free styled about prison, but I like this.
It's not You're nice, you're beautiful. You've got great skin,
thank you very much. I don't go outside. A lot
of this stuff on the left is from my banana
(46:55):
boat days. I call them flow. Is that? Is that
a piece of the strumming? I'm out of your mouth?
What is that? Oh? That was my tongue. But he's
back in her whole like a good little way. Don't
the thing out of mind of us? Well, I wouldn't
swear to God like that. That's you know. But yes, okay,
(47:16):
already done. Wake up? Wake up? They by they think
you're dead. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Good, good, good.
What are you talking to me? Are you joking? Go
back to sleep? You go about to sleep. He's not dead.
Talking to Rod, Rod, I hear what you're talking to you,
(47:38):
ro go back up, go back Okay, he's listening. I'm
awake now, I'm just well. Then you can believe this.
I thought that they just left a dead body in year.
I guess that sticks. No, this is part of the
this is part of the plan. So when they come,
when the corners come take him out, we're all gonna
jump in and we're leaving Friday. Rod, you do the
(48:00):
a job in Rod, He's like super silent. Hey guys,
hey guys. Sorry, sorry interrupt Warden here, Hey Warden, Heyward.
How's how's it going. Um, we're just we're crying. Oh yeah,
it's tough. It's tough being in prison. Um. I heard that,
uh that some of you got some stale eclaires yesterday,
(48:21):
So I just wanted to let you know we are
in the process of changing artisanal bakeries. Uh, so you
will get fresher eclairs in the future. I also wanted
to make sure that everyone has signed up for the
cornhole tournament. Uh, get a partner. If you don't have
a partner. Uh, if you're a singleton, we'll match you
up with someone. Um and Spring Fling Dance is coming up,
(48:43):
so uh, I'm gonna be playing DJ. I've got got
my iPod playlist and uh, and uh, how's Rod doing.
I think he's still dot. Uh, don't say that he's
don't say that. I don't know what else to say.
I know what else to say. Don't care. I'm not
(49:04):
playing kornhole with him. Well, you know, sometimes, you know,
the best teams are the ones that are the least likely.
So I'm putting you on a team with Rod for cornhole.
Fuck Jesus. Okay, language, language that sorry? Oh thank you?
Is it? Is it too much? No, it's it's look
(49:25):
it's yeah, excuse young, but you're a young man. I'm well,
I'm not that young anymore. I'll get out. Oh, I
mean I I don't know if a pork pie is
uh just if it's too much, it screams youth and whimsy. Okay, good, good,
That's That's what I'm hoping for. How is everything? By
the way, I'm making a Chipotle run? If anybody needs anything,
(49:48):
I'm stuff. Are you sure? Just chips? Chip chips? I guak,
I'll take something. Okay, what do you want? I'm also
the boer with lovelment. Okay, I can't understand that new
fish at all. I mean either there will be all
(50:09):
corn all time. Okay. The new fish wants to be
in a cornhole team. Can anybody want to partner You
want to partner up with her? Yeah, I'd like to
here with Jesus God. Okay, language and Here we are
at the seventies second Annual corn Hole Championship. Here at
(50:33):
Warner Minimal Security Prison. Now we're at the semi finals,
and we have Rod Cropo Dirt and his teammate Rex Sacher.
They're up now. Rex is going to throw first. If
you're a sleep bounce the time to win the Rod.
We're never gonna win. Rod. Come pull yourself together and
(50:54):
stand top. You know, there's nothing more that I like,
Jim than watching these inmates do a little old fashioned teamwork,
because that's the thing that can really turn a life around.
Am I right? I know it's turned to my life around,
reformed except for last night. Oh look, one of them
(51:15):
is moving. We have Rex Rot Please, for God's six,
If you're a sleep white cop, if this is a game,
this game is more important than any escape attempt you
could ever have. Ron, all we gotta do is cornhole. Okay,
just one goddamn cornhole. It's like strate, Oh yeah, yeah,
(51:38):
what my tournament is? You know what? Forget it? Forget
you forget it? No, I want to know about the
winner of today's turning the gym. Oh my god, you
can't even talk a little idiot. An early release for
the winner. Well, let's look back at the court. Come
(52:04):
by right, all you gotta do if you want to escape,
we can get out of here. We just win this
cord hole. You don't have to fake being asleep. No,
you ship yourself, Rod, you have shaped yourself right. Just oh,
just take this bean bag and throw it through the
goddamn whole. Rod. Please, Hey, it looks like Rex has
(52:26):
taken the bean bag from Rod's hand. No, that looks
like that's a co throw. I think we gonna stand.
It's gonna stand. Okay. Do I need to come in
and make a ruling? Do I need to make a ruling? Please?
Word and please? Okay, I I rule it was no
(52:46):
co throw. That was Rod Rod through that. Yes, first
of all, you get it's it's amazing you guys made
it to the semis to begin with. I just don't
understand how you don't see this. I've we got that
Bernie's and this is unfair. Give me a chance, Give
(53:07):
me a chance a real life partner. By the way,
Weekend at Bernie's is Thursday Nights movie, so I've never
seen it. I'll get the reference after we watch it. Rex, right,
lean down to Rod face you fucking moron right, lean
down to not gonna kiss you. I am not going
(53:28):
to give you a kiss. I am mad Rod. I
want to speak to you. Lean down towards my face.
You fun escape with a couple of the fellows. What
do you could have escaped with a win in a
corn hole? Came Rod? The show so far today? Oh
(53:50):
what a wild Truman's been. Let's go around and thank
all of our alchemists and no particular order. H James Eeney,
thank you so much. Good heneyman. Oh thanks for having me.
Any any projects you'd like folks to know about. I'd
like people to check out Twitch dot tv, forward Slash
(54:12):
the Real James Heeney. Uh, and you'll see some video
gaming going on there. You all right? Good luck with
that and thank you for being here. Dr Joey Greer. Yes,
I'd like to say brief news. Brief than actually no,
it's it's only on it's only a podcast now. Actually, James,
(54:34):
you know what we had our goodbye. I'm talking to
Joey now he's advertising for my show. That's not advertising
for what I want to advertise for. James, So once
you suck my ouse. Brief news brief is on YouTube.
The takeaway if you can't find from there. Chris A Rodo,
thank you very much of a being abandon and how's
is Sunny still a good boy? Sunny is still a
(54:55):
very good boy. Last week he got neutered. Oh there's
a gift that keeps on giving. And uh, but today
he's cone free. No cone around the cutie little head
of him. I did enjoy the photo with the cone
and check out Brief News Briefs only on YouTube. Thank
you and Greg. Uh. Yeah, Jerry rigged, by the way,
(55:19):
reminds me that uh that it it's derived from jury rigged,
which is a nautical term meaning something that's improvised, not
necessarily shoddy. Uh. And then jerry built means shoddy, So
Jerry rigged is kind of a hybrid of Jerry built
and jury rigged. It doesn't necessarily have any connotation having
(55:40):
to do with the Germans. The British did call the
Germans Jerry's beginning in World War One, but Jerry rigged
has nothing to do with that. It dates back to
the nineteenth century. Thank you very much for that. And
that is the project of Craig's You all should be
looking for and our favorite Vanessa Raveling. Thank you so much.
True well, Craig took my outro, damn it. But I
(56:09):
would say go to still what I used to say
Dynasty typewriter dot com. But we're doing a bunch of
live streams now and we took a long time to
try to get them right, and I think they look
really good. And so you can see a lot of
wonderful comics doing really great stuff and we are enjoying.
Is generous, but we are. Yeah, I think we're finally
(56:32):
kind of finding our grooves. So come over there if
you need more laughs after these things. But it's such
a pleasure to be back. I've missed everyone so much.
I was crying laughing. I just I forgot how absurd
this always is. So oh wow, we love you typewriter
dot com. That's right, Hendy, alright, great, Uh that's uh
the stars, Mr Doug Baine, I'm your host, Kevin Pollock,
(57:01):
reminding you to look out for each other. Please wear
masks when you go outside. We can win if we
love each other. That's your message for today. Until next time,
I'll tell you
Oh, I'll come back to another episode of Alchemy. There
this COVID nineteen addition on your host Kevin Pollock. Yes,
that's Kevin po Am I excited as helpful return of
a certain someone. Yes, yes, the hell I am, but
I digrats let's meet Chamis. Shall we no particular order?
Please help me welcome back? They much loved him, Miss
(00:24):
Vanessa Ragling. Yes, uh what alcamist did you miss the most?
And one? Oh, I can't here's a real question, anything
at all you want to share from your entering six
(00:49):
months now of COVID luck any one or two months?
Say nothing worth? Sharon's sister, it's been up. We did
take a safe as possible road trip across the damn
country and that was you know. We were listening to
(01:10):
podcasts about history and learning a lot of very unsettling
things and seeing the true beauty of the country. And
it was a real strange mixed mash of feelings of
a lot of sness and like, oh, this is a
beautiful place. There's so much worth, all the good things,
and it's such a difficult time. So I recommend gloving
(01:33):
up and taking a gloving up. Gloving up everybody thank
you for that, Thank you for sharing. Uh and and
please welcome back now. Say hello to Chris Alvarado former
Mr Pop. You think you could teach me to pop? Really,
because when the guys who taught me how to do it,
(01:54):
they put me up against the wall. This is true
in a garage and just had me do this very well.
Are people can't see it, but it's this very basic
move up against the wall over and over and that
trains the muscles to pop like this, you know. Yeah, yeah,
I do know what you mean, and I appreciate it,
and I need you to come over immediately, all right.
(02:15):
Say hello to Mr Craig Gatkowski cacao. What is mid
August like where you are? Well? I, since we last talked,
I've relocated to a state and underclosed state just north
of north of North Carolina. I've said too much already. Um,
it's uh, it's human. But Los Angeles is in the
(02:38):
triple digits right now. Yeah, and uh, and there's also
wildfires going and there's I don't know, you gotta yell
at Los Angeles. Uh? Also, why is your local state
location undisclosed? I don't know. I'm in more fun. I'm
in Virginia. Good luck finding me. Yeah, it's that way.
If it's undisclosed, you're right. Hey there's James Heeny, Hinky
(03:01):
Jinkie Heen. What would you like on your hot dog mustard? Absolutely?
And no catch up. But I want to warn anybody
that heard Chris talk about popping in locking. If you
don't have someone to train, you don't do it. I
hurt myself a lot watching a VHS tape of popping
and locking. Uh. If you do it like it's like
(03:24):
you're connects. You can't see me, but I'm popping and locking,
and I might have whiplash already. I don't think you're
completely on. Is your fifties a good time to first
get into it? Do you think? Yeah? Yeah, almost as
good as your safeties? And last, but to kiss my
(03:46):
grits if you think him least, it's Joey Greer too
freak to speak. Do you ever did you ever live
in an apartment or house you believed was haunted? Yes? Yes, okay,
all right, I'm gonna a little bit more than that,
I think. All right, So this is this is true.
So in California, Southern California is an area called ply
(04:07):
A Vista and this is a new housing development that
was put up. Their dream Worker is going to be
put on the lot. And it's part of the Bologna
Creek wetlands. It was like this natural yeah wetland, right,
and it's an awkwafer. It's completely necessary for Yeah, it's
when that. It's when you lived there and when Jame
we had the dinner at the canteliness and that was yeah,
(04:29):
so this is this is before that and it's right
next to elm Or School. I went too. And while
they were dredging, uh the creek, all right, so who
are you? They found all these remains of Native Americans.
There was there was an actual settlement there right for
the Native Americans in that area, and they removed the
(04:51):
bodies and they couldn't do that. When you find that,
you're supposed to block it off, like okay, now there's
gonna be archaeologists and excavation and this this polter. Guys
know how this ends. I swear to God. So they
moved the bodies and there was a giant mound next
to campus where they moved all the artifacts, all the
bodies there just to continue building. And there was this
(05:11):
you know, big outcry, and the school got involved and
and you know, different religious leaders came together, and you know,
they couldn't stop the building, but they just were able
to get a blessing from the native people and to
to kind of just like you know, re remember the
lives and all that, and so that the buildings projects
still went up. And I just remember there was this
the most weird feeling in the plate could have been
(05:33):
because I love the movie Polter Guys and all the
other ship, but I promise you it's the only place
I've ever been where I I felt like just being
watched and I'm just like I never felt comfortable and
never felt easy. So the tall skinny guy never showed
up at the front door and said yeah, no dad, no,
none of that. But it was just really scary ship.
(05:54):
And also if you're thinking of moving there, don't. It's
the ground is sinking constantly. It's so I know, ever
a build near Aqua first. I mean, that's real number
one for Venetian. I remember the handbook. Uh, let's do
a damn show. Almost all of our seat suggestions gathered
from your listener emails. If they're not, they're from our
(06:14):
patron V I. P. S to become a patron supporter
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other perks. Just head on over to patreon dot com
slash alchemy this. If you'd like to submit a scene
suggestion by your email, please write to the podcast your
name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name here,
look at me? This ill seen Number one, in fact,
(06:40):
comes to us from listener Danny, who wrote, Hello to
the Beautiful Alchemist. I've been a listener since day one.
How could I not love a podcast hosted by Kevin Pollick,
an actor I've heard of since high schools. That's the
(07:01):
best fucking moniker I could imagine. Uh, an actor I've
heard of? Anyways, you guys bring some cheer to my
day after I listened to another podcast that comes out
the same day but is a downer. Well cool, glad
we can pull you out of that as well. You
brought some much needed cheer into my days after I've
lost some people close to me. Ah, keep it up,
(07:23):
I love you all. Let's stop fucking around. Here's your
scene suggestion, shitty time travelers. Also, I requested at least
one long distance Joey Greer, Yelle regards Danny from Saskatchewan, Canada.
Mind you care for the crystals themselves are delicate? Shout up,
(07:47):
shut up some sockets? Man? Are you gonna run this?
Oh my god? I thought you were the travelers I
was looking for. This is a home depot. Why would
we come here at the time? Wait? Wait, wait, hold on, Ted?
What you were looking for? Nothing? Nothing? I'm no know
what the fund? Did you know? My son's right? You
(08:07):
said time travelers. Look, look, just just put me down
and I'll tell you. Okay, put me down, please, putting
you down and putting you down? Now. Look, I have
in my possession two time crystals. Last week? Huh we
want to go back to last week? Wait? Wait, wait
wait you can well hold on, Bobby. Remember we had
(08:28):
that HOGI you love that sandwich. I was still with
your mother last week? Yeah, last week? Who is that
third person? Is that third person with you? Ye? My
brother is my dad? Oh? Hello? Hello? Ye? Last week?
Last week? You have to prop the crystals together? Excuse me.
(08:59):
I'll have the turkey, salami and pickles, okay, and what
kind of bread? Your joys? That's literally it's not over there.
It's your choice, though I'm not supposed to Okay, white bread,
(09:20):
white bread, Okay, Christian, for a second, I'm in the
middle of a chose customers, I suggested I didn't. He
told me. You said the customers. Wait wait, you say
the customers always right, and then you also say that
(09:40):
the customer but like, but that I can't but the
customer told me to. Paul, you're saying is correct all
right now, but listen to right now. You don't ever
choose the bread for a customer. This is the part.
This is the part where someone someone pulls out a gun,
right yeah, yeah, yeah, but we can't things like you
don't want to make what I'm gonna guess what my
(10:06):
order is? A six inch your head. Oh, you're punching
me in the stomach with a gun. It's not loaded.
It's just scare away potential predators. You suck, you suck.
I forget you shoot yourself when this happened. Yeah, but
maybe it won't happen this time. I looked pretty, I
(10:28):
looked pretty, calm, cool. Oh should I shop myself? Yeah,
yours already. Uh, they're ordering right now, We already are
ordering right now, right up there, Yeah, we're ordering. Well, boy,
it smells smells like somebody took a dump in their pants. Uh.
(10:52):
I got myself on my locker and I'm never coming back.
How is work today, baby? Did you bring home some
cash or some sandwiches? I didn't. I didn't bring them
many sandwiches today. Um, I have five dollars to add
(11:17):
to our nest egg. Thank you? And what's the matter?
Something's clearly it is the matter. There we go, water works,
water works, water works. Every time I have an emotion,
it's not water works, all right, this one fighting for baby.
(11:38):
First of all, we can't afford guess, so keep the
lots off. What's the matter? What happened? Hey, we're back, man, Yes?
Can we get them sockets? There? We went back in
(11:58):
time till last week? Sure, he can we get those
sockets or my son's gonna pick you up again? Yes,
the sockets right over here, right over? Yeah? What is
going on? The sockets on a different aisle? What have
you changed? What did you touch in the past? We
didn't touch anything? Well, no, Bobby, you did? You did?
(12:22):
You didn't throw that your coke on the floor and
use it? Well nobody can, he said Kobe, And I
was like R I P And then he missed and
then it went, but he usually makes it. Tell me
exactly what happened. I need to know exactly. I don't
recognize any of these aisles. Well, well, I guess the
(12:42):
first thing was is we were back at that sandwich
shop and we were watching ourselves order, and everything happened
exactly the same gun got pulled. It was previous, My
previous self did not any ship that's on me now
is just it was because I was around it. It
was not this me. Was that? Excuse me? I'm looking
(13:03):
for the pigs bud blood, my god, my god, it
should be in this aisle, but it's not. Now, wait
a minute, it's too waiting for your hogies. Look exactly
like those two guys who are closer to the counter
waiting for their hogies. That's us. That's us, that's us twins.
(13:28):
That's both of our twins. We both have a twin.
That's us twins. Know now, why would one set of
twins to be waiting further back in line rather than
waiting with your twin? Now, you gotta be true. Now,
you guys are from an alternate timeline, aren't you. No, no, no,
(13:48):
you guys are from an alternatate timeline is anybody ordering?
Is anybody ordering? I know what I'd like if here
I want to order. Oh, I'm sorry, those are us twins.
So what's your name? What's your name? My name is Aquifer. Aquifer. Uh,
(14:12):
maybe we can look you up and we go back
we think to the future. Oh you're literally going back
to the future. Well yeah, Michael J. Fox. Can I
get in line here and to get my orders? Whos
Holy sh it? Why would sets the twins hang out
(14:33):
with sets of twins? No? Wait a minute, that his
pants and it smells like you ship your pants too. Yeah.
Look at this soda. Look at this soda? Them but
a fox my feet. It seems as those the crystals
have been combined, a time postal has been opened. A
(14:56):
chance to read having across the universe is nigh. Dear point.
Uh that was that was my point. I came to you. No,
don't take me away, don't take me take up away?
Sever him at once? Next? H Hi did he call
(15:20):
you emperor fuck my feet? Yes, yes, that's the name.
How can I help you on? No for the Christion?
That's our seed one seed one Scene two comes through
(15:40):
some Patreon v I P Beaker, who wrote, so glad
to hear that Vanessa will be back soon. That's right,
we mentioned it just last week. It'll be great to
hear the sultry tones of snoof again. Super sumptuous of
Beaker anyway, Characters like Kevin's order up. I didn't realize
that was a character. I just liked the l or
her up in the back of So you didn't You
(16:01):
didn't realize? I mean I yelled a lot. I just
didn't know it was a character. Uh. A character like
Joey's hold the door without that makes sense, and characters
like that anyways really tick on my tips. Hey Baker,
watch yourself. I just want to hear Kevin read that
out loud on the air. Well. Congratulations, I did. So.
What would happen if order uphold the door and Craig
(16:24):
as can you buzz me in? Craig, did you realize
that was one of your characters? And Snoo for All
collide at the International House of Pancakes? Well, I love
an eye huff, so I had to include this thing.
Hm alright, so um, you can take the table if
you want. Ted Now I understand this is your I'm sorry.
I thought you were looking at minute saying I could
(16:46):
take the table, and I was gonna say, I don't
want the table on and you can keep the playble. No,
I'm up for the next table. I was. I was
saying the table. I'm a lot and I'm not in this.
I'll see my way out. No, hold on you, you
are in this. You are on the clock today. You
this is your shift. But next almost like I got
(17:06):
a new watch. It's a fit them and I'm I'm
not on the stand and all that we're making me.
I'm honestly overloaded. Rock Now it's a okay, okay, okay,
what you what you both need to understand today is
today is we're rolling out our new name. We're getting
rid of the P. We're adding the B. Now what
(17:27):
is the B stand for breakfast? Good? Good good? So
excuse me be uh no, no not, it's it's I hub.
Were you not? Did you not pay attention in the
(17:48):
meeting last one day? I just missed because I'm looking
at my foot bone and ah, don't don't. Honestly, no,
I thought I was not even honestly, I thought we're
gonna be b hum. Yeah, well the fit looks fine.
I'm just confused. I guess can I call you Troy? Sure? Yeah?
(18:16):
Oh I cannot read your good on name tags because
of the reflections in here, Troy, I got this in
them from one year or your cohorts or your compatriots.
I want it's a little beefer now, I want to know.
(18:37):
I wan it was a simple man to not want
to clock. That tells me how manna, how far I go.
That's what I found up for, and that's not what
I'm giving. Is that white bread on your face too?
What's my white bron nolet's just still the beefer. That's
the fat part. So are you gonna fix it or not?
(18:57):
I plugged something in and it will not out play like,
oh okay, great, so okay, so yeah what did you
plug into? It looks like you have several Oh my god,
this is like a Jerry Rigg. I was throwing everything
I I was throwing spaghetti at the wall. Troy, Hey, Tray,
thanks for coming in. Yeah, it's just a little uh,
(19:17):
a little in house check I want to make. I
just want to say, first off, yeah, so sorry, yeah,
well I I appreciate the apology. I don't think term
like Jerry rigged just something you would be proud of.
So let's talk about what you meant by that. UM
had a couple of complaints. Customers are in line behind
a woman. I want to say, who is buying a fitbit?
(19:41):
So you said to this customer, Uh, Jerry rigged, And
I'm just curious what people's you thought you might have
been offending. Well, my buddy Jerry runs different. Yeah, no,
that's not gonna work here. Look, I know you're going
through a lot with Paula right now and kind of
want to drop the hammer on somebody. It would be
(20:02):
great if we could leave that bit out of this conversation. Okay,
all right, try all right. I don't know where my
kids are right now. You're happy you brought that up.
Jerry rigged? Is it the Nazis? Is that what you
mean by Jerry? No, No, not at all. I don't
mean the Nazis. What other Jerry's could there be? My
(20:23):
buddy Jerry, My Jerry, Jerry Faulkner. He runs riggs, He
rings things together, he runs riggs. Yeah, that's where's at
least as as I've heard it. Do you not want
to work here anymore? Just tell me straight? Say, say Tim,
I don't want to work here anymore. No, of course
I did, Tray. What are you doing at my shop?
Can't you see how this it's pretty dangerous for you
(20:45):
to walk in here when we're rigging everything up. Everybody,
Let's stop the machinery. Let's stop the machinery. Stop the
stop the rigging machines, everybody. We want everybody to be safe.
We have we have had an accident here in a
hundred ninety three days older. Rig Tray, what's up? I
(21:08):
could always make time for you. I got let go
by uh by fit bit and me and I what
do you mean you're you're so good at working with
small electronics with those tiny, tiny little hands yours Jerry.
But my boss he's gonna through some crazy, crazy shit
I don't know, like his wife left him to. When
(21:28):
you left here, I had to replace your position. If
you come back into Jerry's rigs, you're gonna have to
start at the bottom. Jerry's Jerry, it's me. I'm that sick.
Can you buzz me in? Uh? Yeah, yeah? I hold
on a second, all right, it should be buzz now?
Are you did you do it? You know what? This
thing always confuses me? Tray? I pushed the button over
(21:52):
and over and over. It doesn't seem to be Well,
this is a tiny electronic. I know how to work
with these things. I don't do I do big electronics.
Have to synchronize the buttons or just get by you.
If I just squeeze by you, I'm I'm bringing a package.
How did you even get Oh? I'm waiting to get
buzzed in? Oh I can just I can go in?
Can I go in? Can you can you please? Good luck?
(22:15):
Good luck? You know what? Tray? You know what tray?
I got an idea? How about you just manned the
door and then I don't have to get distracted, because
if you could tell, my hands only got a couple
more fingers left before I'm no longer able to rig anything.
And what are we going to change the name of
our company too? Then? Huh? Our company? No? Well, not
(22:39):
your company, my company company. Excuse me? Can you can
you open? I have a package here? Ups open them?
I have so many ideas, so many things that we
can change. I misspoke, I really misspoke. Okay, it's always
gonna be Jerry's riggs. You don't mind that I go
ahead of you? Right? I I was first, I'm waiting
(23:02):
to get buzzed in. I think this door is Jerry
rigged um. The buzz should be working. Check the Okay,
I'm on a time schedule. I got I'm watched you.
That tells me how far I'm going, and I got
to like go further, you know what I mean? Okay,
so what else is coming too? So I appreciate it? Man?
I signed in, sign out, I'm out, Jerry, buzz man,
buzz and Jerry, it should be working. Oh I should
(23:26):
be working? Okay, good, I'm in. Thank you so much.
Do you want to sign for this place? Yeah? Sorry
for one of the co owners. Let's get it on here. Okay,
thank you, sign that. Just let me take a look first.
Thank you so much. All right, buzz me out? Sure
it should What is there a buzz out? Okay? Yeah
(23:46):
you can buzz out, Jerry. I just got buzzed out somehow.
So I'm I'm two doors out now I'm gonna make
an eyebop run if anybody wants anything? Uh high, Have
you folks had a chance to look at the menu yet?
Would you like? Can I bring you some coffee? How
(24:06):
would you like to start this meal? I mean however
you wanted to. But if I can be honest, I'm
gonna need another thing, another canister or maple syrup, because
I like everything. I need to be sweet. It's all.
It's all overflowing maple syrup here. As much as you
can handle, we've got. So the food that comes with
the dish, it's cooked in, like at the skillet, Like
(24:27):
is there a food that comes in the skillet that
has made it? Because I love that experience when the
food just comes right when in the vehicle that it
was prepared in. Yes, the chicken and hash does come
in fact in the skillet, but is it is it
a skillet mask? Like is it a plate mask greatness
as skillet or is it the skillet I used on
the stove? Do you hear what she's saying or are
(24:48):
you just trying to lie to my lady here it's
not the skillet they cooked in it? That would be
a little And then why did you say that? Are
you serious? Sious? You asked if it comes with the skillet,
I'm telling you it comes into telling you no order,
no snooper. Yeah, the cook just took the lion. Cook
(25:11):
just took my table, which was gonna be your table.
Nobody around this place seems to want to do anything
about it. There's nobody. Are you saying that's what I think?
Are nothing gives me matters? I'm saying, stop on out.
Someone doesn't respect me? Are you telling him? If someone
doesn't respect me, what are I'm saying? Someone? Now he's
(25:32):
doing orders, he's trying to put both of such a
job like almost with you, fran I don't understand how
the business is working anymore. You don't. Typically you're supposed
to be the host. You want to work tables, both
of you. That's with these two Christmas. If you rub
(25:54):
them together, you can go back in time and look
like a little porny city. Don't say I put them
on your chests together. Put me down, put me down?
You just give me. What are you? I'm a janitor? Yeah?
(26:16):
What what do we do? Well? I don't know. Maybe
he'll respect us. Who I'm not sure what we do. Honestly,
he doesn't look like he's stressed to be a janitor.
That's a robe. It's a long robe. Crystals. Well, all
(26:37):
of your stuff is packed and I don't want to
hear that you had a problem being buzzed and buzzed
out again. You're late for the last time. Okay, babe,
just let me in, just tell me in. Okay, your
stuff is packed, you come in and get it. I'm
going to the room. Don't talk to me, all right?
Can you? Can you at least buzz the stuff out. Yeah,
I'll just buzz it out and then that way you
won't need to buzz me in. Thank god, I'm happy
(26:59):
to do that. Okay, so pull, you gotta pull your pushing.
What you have to pull your pushing? Okay, buzz and
then I'll push. No, okay, I've just buzzed. You have
to pull. This is I'm talking. It's not working. This
whole thing is not working. Buzz. Excuse me. I'm sucking
(27:24):
your girlfriend. Look my friends here. So maybe you can
just leave because I gotta buzz him in. Like I say,
is somebody fucking you? Let's just say he knows how
to push my button? Do you know what I mean?
I set you up for that one, didn't I Yeah,
thank you so much. Just buzz my stuff out and okay,
(27:48):
when I buzz him in, I will buzz your stuff out. Okay,
it'll be simultaneous. If you can handle that great. Okay, Hey, baby,
he's I mean he was this a made up guy?
Is this a made up guy? No? No, no, he's
he's like I've just heard him. He's coming. See that's him.
(28:09):
He's so polite. Listen, he doesn't sound like he's getting
any closer. That's his thing, that's his thing. Is that?
Is that a personality? I mean that's a catch phrase.
It best, that's not He's not a character. I'm I'm
a real, three dimensional man with alive Look. Look, here's
(28:36):
what I know about him. He's always coming, if you
know what I mean. Okay, I set you up for
that one. I'm feeling good tonight. All right, just buzz
me in, Just buzz me. I'm not buzzing you in.
I made that clear. I will buzz your stuff out,
no promise soon as he comes. Ben, all right, I
don't want to be here when he comes. Hi. Sorry. Yeah,
(28:57):
do you know that this is not think steps from
bihab to rush this down mill there. I'll try to
tell people stuff. Hello, Hello, wait a minute, there's somebody
who looks just like you across the street. Oh that's us.
(29:22):
Are you from an alternate timeline? I think that's yesterday.
I mean that it's been over there and I don't know.
She was rubbing the city rocks together. She told me
that a lady a man in a ladies road, you
gotta push. I just sorry, I just missed it. I
got distracted and I missed. Here he comes. You get
(29:45):
from me, you bit, you get a wife from mape Bit. Okay,
thank you to all the franchise e owners. If I
hub coming in today, this is a big, big meeting.
Of course, we've already unveiled a new name, but we
also want to unveil a We have a question already. Yes,
please go for it. Please say your name and would
(30:06):
franchise you are running? Please Adelaide Aqueduct. I run the
franchise in Tucson, Arizona. And I I think, yeah, I
love I love pushing breakfast. Um, it's never too late
for breakfast. My my question was more. I didn't think
(30:26):
I was going to have to introduce myself. I just
had a really quick question, would I do I love
I I love selling breakfast. I love I love watching
people eat eat bacon and eggs, And uh, I know
what this is great? Why don't you come up here
for a second. Oh my god, it was a small thing.
(30:48):
I thought that I would be over a minute ago, Adelaide.
This is something we love to do here, and I
have this something new that weren't veiling. We want to
see your hidden talent, So why don't we give you
I don't know, listen to thirty minutes, maybe an hour
and a half, and you just give us. I don't
know what your secret talent, Go for it. I can
period on demand. Let's see. I don't want to. I
(31:15):
don't like it. It's a secret until now, and I panic.
So I told, let's get the let's get the chicken
skillet underneath her, and let's uh, I'm not the one,
the one that we used to cook in or the
one that we played. Great take thirty minutes to an
hour of this. All I have to do is is
(31:36):
think of um, the act of my us slopping, and
I can get a layer off and uh, I'll take
another scotch. My god, what a crazy fucking seminarmright, Yeah,
I hate these things. Just come in there. I just honestly,
I come for the open bar. I don't come for
this like crazy talent show. Whatever the heldre that's hilarious. Yeah,
(31:58):
it would be nice if we just got ate to
the bar, listen to another one of these seminars. Jesus enough,
a gentleman. I don't mean to interrupt here, but Adelaide,
that Adelaide's walking in. Oh she's a real pistol. Huh.
Period on the demand is crazy. Let's forget her a drink.
(32:19):
I was gonna meet the guy who could shoot himself
on command, because it really, that's more impressive to you
than period onto me. I mean, don't judge him, and
I hate to break up the boys club, but I
need a fucking drink. Were great? Stop I did. I'm embarrassed.
I didn't want to do that. I feel like I
(32:40):
just had my period all day because I did, and
I'm exhausted and I need a drink. Well that was
a discussion I was having, Like you just timed it out.
You just happened to be had your friend in town
and thought you'd make a real spin of it. But
you weren't serious. All right. But oh yeah, I've been
able to do this since I was I guess fourteen. Uh,
(33:05):
I had finished one of my cycles. This was early
on in my cycle, so I had finished one of
my cycles. I removed through pardon me luo phases. Yeah, okay,
uh and uh. I finished it three days ago, totally done,
you know. And then I mean, I'm in health class
and we're reading about what a period is, and I
(33:28):
started I look at the diet it was. It was
a how Mifflin. It was a Howton Mifflin science book.
And the illustration of the uterus you're seeing at the
bar with me what there was? There was a texture
there that had too much I'm with you, what do
you mean off forget get the previous If you're not
(33:59):
Adelaide want to say, hey, you girls, want to take
this outside. I'm having a conversation here with somebody. We
don't think it's appropriate to use gender as an offensive word. Okay, no,
it isn't appropriate. That's why I'm using it. I'm sorry.
Were you speaking to me and my girlfriend or were
you talking to those two people? I was actually talking
to these two jerks, trying to demean them horribly. Okay,
(34:23):
so we're using gender as a weapon. Okay, okay, Hey,
lady friend gl whoever you are, the pretty one with
your bust, not be talking to me. You're not talking
to me. Are you I'm talking? I wasn't talking to you, okay, mistake, Yeah,
you're a mistake. I could period on your face. Yeah
(34:49):
there after you say that, don't challenger, Bruce. I'm sorry,
but the whole event was just the disaster. I mean
between the brawl at the bar as well a multiple
What do you want from me? Isolated? Fired? I have
to be here for this, Yes, you have to be
here for this, Bruce. I'm telling you, for God's sake.
Who the hell else am I going to tell you?
(35:11):
This guy here next to me, what's he doing? I
don't want to hear about it. I don't want to
hear about it. I just managed this iehop Okay, sorry
I don't. I just managed this holiday in for your
I hob thing. Okay, this is just this is just
a convention. This is just you guys renting out the
(35:32):
space to talk to your your franchisees. You know, I
don't want anything to do with it. In fact, there's
gonna be a lot of fees for the burns, the blood,
the ship, the broken glass. Uh, go ahead, talk you
sure you can't name a few more things that were
in their own well, there was somebody somebody has has
(35:53):
ripped up the center of the carpeting, which is insane
because that's Berber carpeting. Berber. There's Berber here at the
day in Berber carpeting. Yeah, it makes it easier for cleaning,
but typically we're not cleaning blood out. So there's a
hefty fine that's gonna go into the security deposit. We're
just gonna take it out. I hope i hobb can
afford it. Well, boss, what do you have to say
(36:14):
to this? Yoho, Bruce, you're the boss? What do you mean?
What do I think? Are you saying I'm the boss?
I am saying you're the boss. I'm saying you're You're
You're as much as the boss is. Tony Dan's and
my friend, oh my god. Well, well well here's trouble.
(36:34):
Denny's in the motherfucking house. We're also having a convention
of swords. We knew we'd be running into you, ladies. Hey,
we got we actually have some real big issues. This
isn't just about like Breakfast Wars. Franchise owners gone say
what wait, okay, hold on, he put put the knife away.
(36:56):
Pu put the knifeway. Carl put the knife away. What
do you. Okay, what what's what's going on? I don't know.
We did to unfair? Okay, well, I can already see
the problems. I can already see the problems that we
learned at Denny's years ago. Nothing impromptu, everything on the schedule.
(37:20):
It just open hell and opened a portal to hell.
I'm I'm from Berber Carpeting. Here to repair the damage. Okay,
the it's the main hall hall A. We're gonna have
to yeah, it's I don't even think that's a buzz door. Honestly,
(37:40):
I think it's just a turn knoph Could you give
it a shot? Okay, I see your mouth moving, but
uh but nothing's coming out off my mouth. Nothing's coming
out of your mouth. Okay. Uh here, I'll just open
the door for you. There are just where are you going?
(38:05):
I got in. I opened the door for Berber Carpeting.
I'm going around and you can buzz me in. All
I'm saying is we at Denny's ahead of time when
we thought a portal to Hell opened up? Do you
remember do you know of moons over Miami? Who doesn't
(38:26):
know moons over Miami? I mean, it was the greatest
thing ever that on the outside to you guys, Yeah,
but inside inside lost. We lost a lot of lives.
A lot of blood was shed that weekend. What are
you supposed to be a party? Supposed to be a party,
and people said, you do have parties? Wouldn't you unveil new?
We used to? We learned our less was the last party? No,
(38:49):
we used to? Two is the last time we held
a party for an unvailing What happened? What happened? Yes?
What happened? Can I get my I'm checking in. Yeah,
I'm sorry. We're gonna have to We're gonna have to
hold for a little bit longer. We're replacing the carpeting. Hey, hey,
(39:13):
when does the dinnys thing start? I'm gonna up. Wait
what are you? Are you which? What franchise are you with?
I work for, work for. I'm not tricking you. I'm
not tricking you. Okay, I'm sorry to see you weren't
wearing a pass here. Let me give you a pass
supernumerary status that get you into all the lectures for
(39:36):
free this weekend. Supernumary. That's right. Well, that's gonna be great.
I'll be going to God's Not. Oh you know, you
know how it went down. All right, I have boys
(39:57):
nice chatting with you? Can you you didn't finish what
happened with that scene? To everybody? Scene too, did not finish.
Scene three was sent to a Spike Greg, who wrote,
high out and this. I've been listening from the start,
and you guys have made me laugh at college, my
(40:18):
part time job, and through the many hours of job
searching after college. But I digress. My scene suggestion is
this minimum security prison. Thanks for the laughs, Greg. A
guy who will be a who will be a Patriot
member as soon as he finds a full time job.
Thanks Greg. Hey Pete Connie, did you need cigarettes today? Um?
(40:43):
I wanted a new vape? Oh new vape? Sure flavor strawberry,
I guess, or some maybe know something tropical, like what's
the most vacation any one you have? Well, we got
like a colata pina colata kind of that's so exactly
yet that is so exactly it. We've also got the
lava flow, which is a dacriana colada combined. Oh um, yes,
(41:11):
please can okay, I'm glad I mentioned it. What about you?
You need cigarettes? Want some cigarellos? Just cigarellos, cigarellos how
many any cigarettos? As many packs, I'd say, as many
packs as ten dollars will get me. I'll get you too,
And what about you, fella? Mhm? Any cigarettes for you.
(41:35):
I don't think he's I don't think he's alive. Honestly,
he hasn't moved. Did he get shived here in the
minimum prison in many, many decades? Oh my god, no
one gets shived here, right. Check. I think it was
a natural death. Oh, natural causes. We get those deaths
(41:57):
all the time. He seems like kind of a young
followed though for such a thing. Hey, buddy, you're sleeping
one off? What's going on here? All right? What point
does this become fond? Sir? What? What? What? What's going on?
We have a problem down at the block? Oh no,
(42:20):
oh no, I know, I know, I know, I know. Okay,
it looks like possibly maybe I didn't meet his died. Okay,
I don't know. Maybe, Okay, I hope you did. I
think you just said and then made his died. But
you slurred your words together like you're afraid of telling me.
But just give it to me straight. I can handle it.
I don't know, okay, if you went faster, and slurred more. Okay, okay,
(42:46):
I think I mean, man, am I interrupting anything? Oh
my god? Oh no, sorry, mag Sorry man, I'm sorry. Sorry,
Maggie wearing everything's on edge here because any died? And
(43:13):
then Madda, yes, yes, and then what was your news? Oh,
the monogram jama as you ordered for cell block beer
all here? Oh? Yes, because they're going to give him
for the Tuesday Cutes Day. That's right, it is Tuesday
(43:33):
Cutesday coming up. Tobias. I'm glad you're here for this
because you're gonna be in charge of handing out these
monogram pjs to every inmate on cell blocked B and
how many less? Okay, don't say that. Don't say that, Tobias.
Who's free? Who's free? Who went free? I love it
when they go free. Somebody went free from life? Scrasp.
(43:57):
You're gonna finished out of Claire. Who's asking me? What
do you mean? I mean? Who do you represent that
wants my Claire? No? One just walks up and says, yeah,
I want you to Claire. You know what I mean.
There's always something behind it. So okay, so you're having
(44:18):
a bad day, Yeah, my wife got me another computer,
and now I got I got a computer already. So
it's like everyone's looking at me. Who who's the guy
with do computers? You know? Now I'm an asshole. No,
I get that. I get that. I get that. Look
take de Claire. I'm sorry. Just one bye, one bye,
one bye. It's all yours. I don't even want and
(44:39):
I lost my appetite. Look, you gotta know something. What's up?
Everyone here loves you. I do know that. They just
think you're the best. You're smart, you're fund out, your handsome.
I appreciate that. Uh you got a date for the
dance yet on Saturday. Well, if I can tell you
(45:00):
something in confidence, I mean, the boys and I, it's
just you and me. The boys and I were gonna
we're gonna break out Friday. This is how I find out. Yeah,
I mean, because I won't be here Saturday for the dance.
The boys and you were breaking up Friday. And what
am I gonna be to computer Johnny? All of a
sudden you want to join us? Yes, now it's an
(45:23):
elaborate plan. Now look, all right, I'm sorry you took
a ship in public multiple times. All right, Now, this
prison is really nice, Okay, they say it has everything
you need, all the accommodation, all the amenities. Okay, and
I know it's gonna be a little unnerving at first,
but I think you get used to you'll meet a
lot of nice people. Okay, that's put off the bell offer.
(45:45):
I'm gonna keep it on. You can keep it on, okay, now, please, No,
I'd like to know how many steps and what time
I'm taking them. Solid if I take ten or fifteen
staffs at ten o'clock, I'm on with that for a while,
and then now and for nuch, don't come in. I
can just keep it with calibrating along with the sambam.
So thank you for you would do that, you would
(46:07):
determine what time you take what steps. Well, that's great,
that's a great thing about the fift But once I
got a figure it out, but I guess, I guess
we'll not wear the toilets just so I don't get
myself on this pickle again. Although being this cell as
well as there's communal toilets throughout coming in toilets, we
can multiple butts on one toilett. Oh, it's not a trough,
(46:34):
it's not a giant hole in the ground. No, okay,
it's there. There's a multiple, there's a nice place, you know. Yes,
I was free styled about prison, but I like this.
It's not You're nice, you're beautiful. You've got great skin,
thank you very much. I don't go outside. A lot
of this stuff on the left is from my banana
(46:55):
boat days. I call them flow. Is that? Is that
a piece of the strumming? I'm out of your mouth?
What is that? Oh? That was my tongue. But he's
back in her whole like a good little way. Don't
the thing out of mind of us? Well, I wouldn't
swear to God like that. That's you know. But yes, okay,
(47:16):
already done. Wake up? Wake up? They by they think
you're dead. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Good, good, good.
What are you talking to me? Are you joking? Go
back to sleep? You go about to sleep. He's not dead.
Talking to Rod, Rod, I hear what you're talking to you,
(47:38):
ro go back up, go back Okay, he's listening. I'm
awake now, I'm just well. Then you can believe this.
I thought that they just left a dead body in year.
I guess that sticks. No, this is part of the
this is part of the plan. So when they come,
when the corners come take him out, we're all gonna
jump in and we're leaving Friday. Rod, you do the
(48:00):
a job in Rod, He's like super silent. Hey guys,
hey guys. Sorry, sorry interrupt Warden here, Hey Warden, Heyward.
How's how's it going. Um, we're just we're crying. Oh yeah,
it's tough. It's tough being in prison. Um. I heard that,
uh that some of you got some stale eclaires yesterday,
(48:21):
So I just wanted to let you know we are
in the process of changing artisanal bakeries. Uh, so you
will get fresher eclairs in the future. I also wanted
to make sure that everyone has signed up for the
cornhole tournament. Uh, get a partner. If you don't have
a partner. Uh, if you're a singleton, we'll match you
up with someone. Um and Spring Fling Dance is coming up,
(48:43):
so uh, I'm gonna be playing DJ. I've got got
my iPod playlist and uh, and uh, how's Rod doing.
I think he's still dot. Uh, don't say that he's
don't say that. I don't know what else to say.
I know what else to say. Don't care. I'm not
(49:04):
playing kornhole with him. Well, you know, sometimes, you know,
the best teams are the ones that are the least likely.
So I'm putting you on a team with Rod for cornhole.
Fuck Jesus. Okay, language, language that sorry? Oh thank you?
Is it? Is it too much? No, it's it's look
(49:25):
it's yeah, excuse young, but you're a young man. I'm well,
I'm not that young anymore. I'll get out. Oh, I
mean I I don't know if a pork pie is
uh just if it's too much, it screams youth and whimsy. Okay, good, good,
That's That's what I'm hoping for. How is everything? By
the way, I'm making a Chipotle run? If anybody needs anything,
(49:48):
I'm stuff. Are you sure? Just chips? Chip chips? I guak,
I'll take something. Okay, what do you want? I'm also
the boer with lovelment. Okay, I can't understand that new
fish at all. I mean either there will be all
(50:09):
corn all time. Okay. The new fish wants to be
in a cornhole team. Can anybody want to partner You
want to partner up with her? Yeah, I'd like to
here with Jesus God. Okay, language and Here we are
at the seventies second Annual corn Hole Championship. Here at
(50:33):
Warner Minimal Security Prison. Now we're at the semi finals,
and we have Rod Cropo Dirt and his teammate Rex Sacher.
They're up now. Rex is going to throw first. If
you're a sleep bounce the time to win the Rod.
We're never gonna win. Rod. Come pull yourself together and
(50:54):
stand top. You know, there's nothing more that I like,
Jim than watching these inmates do a little old fashioned teamwork,
because that's the thing that can really turn a life around.
Am I right? I know it's turned to my life around,
reformed except for last night. Oh look, one of them
(51:15):
is moving. We have Rex Rot Please, for God's six,
If you're a sleep white cop, if this is a game,
this game is more important than any escape attempt you
could ever have. Ron, all we gotta do is cornhole. Okay,
just one goddamn cornhole. It's like strate, Oh yeah, yeah,
(51:38):
what my tournament is? You know what? Forget it? Forget
you forget it? No, I want to know about the
winner of today's turning the gym. Oh my god, you
can't even talk a little idiot. An early release for
the winner. Well, let's look back at the court. Come
(52:04):
by right, all you gotta do if you want to escape,
we can get out of here. We just win this
cord hole. You don't have to fake being asleep. No,
you ship yourself, Rod, you have shaped yourself right. Just oh,
just take this bean bag and throw it through the
goddamn whole. Rod. Please, Hey, it looks like Rex has
(52:26):
taken the bean bag from Rod's hand. No, that looks
like that's a co throw. I think we gonna stand.
It's gonna stand. Okay. Do I need to come in
and make a ruling? Do I need to make a ruling? Please?
Word and please? Okay, I I rule it was no
(52:46):
co throw. That was Rod Rod through that. Yes, first
of all, you get it's it's amazing you guys made
it to the semis to begin with. I just don't
understand how you don't see this. I've we got that
Bernie's and this is unfair. Give me a chance, Give
(53:07):
me a chance a real life partner. By the way,
Weekend at Bernie's is Thursday Nights movie, so I've never
seen it. I'll get the reference after we watch it. Rex, right,
lean down to Rod face you fucking moron right, lean
down to not gonna kiss you. I am not going
(53:28):
to give you a kiss. I am mad Rod. I
want to speak to you. Lean down towards my face.
You fun escape with a couple of the fellows. What
do you could have escaped with a win in a
corn hole? Came Rod? The show so far today? Oh
(53:50):
what a wild Truman's been. Let's go around and thank
all of our alchemists and no particular order. H James Eeney,
thank you so much. Good heneyman. Oh thanks for having me.
Any any projects you'd like folks to know about. I'd
like people to check out Twitch dot tv, forward Slash
(54:12):
the Real James Heeney. Uh, and you'll see some video
gaming going on there. You all right? Good luck with
that and thank you for being here. Dr Joey Greer. Yes,
I'd like to say brief news. Brief than actually no,
it's it's only on it's only a podcast now. Actually, James,
(54:34):
you know what we had our goodbye. I'm talking to
Joey now he's advertising for my show. That's not advertising
for what I want to advertise for. James, So once
you suck my ouse. Brief news brief is on YouTube.
The takeaway if you can't find from there. Chris A Rodo,
thank you very much of a being abandon and how's
is Sunny still a good boy? Sunny is still a
(54:55):
very good boy. Last week he got neutered. Oh there's
a gift that keeps on giving. And uh, but today
he's cone free. No cone around the cutie little head
of him. I did enjoy the photo with the cone
and check out Brief News Briefs only on YouTube. Thank
you and Greg. Uh. Yeah, Jerry rigged, by the way,
(55:19):
reminds me that uh that it it's derived from jury rigged,
which is a nautical term meaning something that's improvised, not
necessarily shoddy. Uh. And then jerry built means shoddy, So
Jerry rigged is kind of a hybrid of Jerry built
and jury rigged. It doesn't necessarily have any connotation having
(55:40):
to do with the Germans. The British did call the
Germans Jerry's beginning in World War One, but Jerry rigged
has nothing to do with that. It dates back to
the nineteenth century. Thank you very much for that. And
that is the project of Craig's You all should be
looking for and our favorite Vanessa Raveling. Thank you so much.
True well, Craig took my outro, damn it. But I
(56:09):
would say go to still what I used to say
Dynasty typewriter dot com. But we're doing a bunch of
live streams now and we took a long time to
try to get them right, and I think they look
really good. And so you can see a lot of
wonderful comics doing really great stuff and we are enjoying.
Is generous, but we are. Yeah, I think we're finally
(56:32):
kind of finding our grooves. So come over there if
you need more laughs after these things. But it's such
a pleasure to be back. I've missed everyone so much.
I was crying laughing. I just I forgot how absurd
this always is. So oh wow, we love you typewriter
dot com. That's right, Hendy, alright, great, Uh that's uh
the stars, Mr Doug Baine, I'm your host, Kevin Pollock,
(57:01):
reminding you to look out for each other. Please wear
masks when you go outside. We can win if we
love each other. That's your message for today. Until next time,
I'll tell you
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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