January 12, 2021 • 57 mins
What happens when someone calls the shady vacuum store actually wanting the real part.
Alan Arkin fills in for hungover Santa Claus.
Avengers look for new recruits.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Uh, welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID
nineteen edition. I mean, how's Kevin Pollocks that? Kevin Pollock?
Tell you what bring me? Joey Gars Beanie and you
can join us in zoom. But that's mean cham showery
no particular were saying hey to Craig Kakowski, Kaw Do
(00:24):
you have a word or phrase that grab your attention
over the holidays? A word or phrase? Um, I feel
like vaccine was hot? Like I was hearing. I was
hearing a lot of that. You know, I don't pay
attention to context. Uh so I'm not really sure why
(00:44):
that word was being said a lot. It's fun to say,
you know, I think it starts with a V. A
couple of seas. Mean, it's funny, you know, I wasn't
just it's fun to say. I wasn't asking for context
I rarely needed and thank you for that. Now, please
welcome back Vanessa Rackler. Just like that veniche. As a child,
(01:07):
how difficult was it to sleep on Christmas Eve? Oh?
So very difficult? Yeah? Yeah, I was one of those.
But my um six year old hasn't hit that age yet.
He can still just conk right out I'm waiting for
that adrenaline because I was amped and then I was
up early, and so far that hasn't happened. Here, can't
(01:28):
get him out of bed before ten am on Christmas morning,
just sleeping. It's because he drinks, but a six year
old will do. And now Chris Alvarado with the final
surf report of Chris large waves full of sewage. Wowiku,
whoa hey, look there's Gary Anthony Williams. If you knew
(01:54):
how much money I had bet and basically it's my
house that I would be forth to be introduced. Game
baby the pos as we all say, as Vanessa's six
year old says, the pony came in. Yeah, g dub.
Do you have a favorite version of a Christmas Carol? Uh? No,
(02:19):
good by? Like like my children, they're all precious in
their own way. Correct correct answer is Mr magoose Christmas Carol.
That's not what I say. But we'll take We'll take
none and last, but no room at the end. If
you think at least it's Joey Greer droopy drawers. What
(02:41):
is the exit strategy? I'll tell you right now. Off yourself, Okay,
I get something in there, get like I don't know
if it's like bleach or something, but just have something
ready and that's how you're gonna go okay, And I
would drink it. No, I put it. I just pour
it on the skin. Huh, low and slow, just like
you're grilling. Just like, thank you for that. Let's do
a damn show. All of our scene suggestions gather from
(03:03):
your listener emails or from our patron v I p
s to become a patron support of the show and
a joy exclusive content like oh I don't know video
what's happening right now? Just head on over to the
Patreon dot com slash alchemy this. If you'd like to
submit a SCENESU justined via old timey email, please right
to the podcast at your name here at alchemy this
dot com. That's your name here Alchemy come Craig seen Je.
(03:32):
I've heard dot com from the South. We don't have
the sound, it's all I'm also from the South. I've
never said dot com and I'm from the South. Right
now giving you to your people, you're lying to the
hilaria of topical I like pop following Poe one Scene
(04:01):
one that was scene one, alright, Scene two comes to
scene one is from listener Matthew, who wrote, Hello Alchemists.
I love the show and love all of you. You
have quickly become the podcast I listened to the most
during my work day. My scene suggesting came to me
while I was rewatching Breaking Bad Huh. In it, characters
(04:25):
who need to purchase a new identity to start in
life do so by calling a vacuum cleaner repair shop.
I remember that episode. By ordering this very specific part,
the person at the store is tipped off that the
caller wants a new identity. I wonder what would happen
if someone called the store who actually wanted that part. Yeah,
we all wondered that Matthew uh and and that person
(04:48):
was west away against their will. So um, it's about
wanting a new identity to start a new life. They
would call a vacuum cleaner repair shop and they would
ask for a specific part that would indicate to the
shop owner that this person on the QT wanted the
(05:08):
new life and passport. And that is what Matthew w
from Medicine Hat Alberta, Canada would like us to do.
Ps I absolutely loved the album. Good night, great job
to everyone involved. Matt Er, thank you gerber sure, ring
(05:29):
ring ring, ring, Hello, Hello, Hello, line is ring, both
of both of my lines. Hold on line one. You're hello.
This is Jimmy's Vacuums where the only thing that sucks
around here is the majority of our vacuums. And how
(05:50):
can I help you? Okay? I need a what was
it a filter? Double suction filter and international double suction filter.
Are you sure you're asking for an international double suction filter?
And I D s F yeah, yes, yes, anyone, anyone
(06:14):
for me and my girlfriend. I need to international double
suction filters. Come in immediately, m E D immediately? Why
I'm bleeding? Should I come in the back door? Come
come in the back door, sir, bye bye, Frank. Yeah.
(06:41):
I just want to say we love having you here.
The customers love you. If I love the customers. I
personally made love to three of the customers last week,
and usually that would be problematic, but not not with you,
and not here because you know they want it. Um
quick thing though, quick, too small, tiny, not even worth mentioning,
But I will just because go ahead, please. I enjoy
(07:04):
hearing you out. Can you not say when you answer
the phone that our products suck? That look look vaccine.
Of course I can. I'm here for the company as
much as the company is here for me. Okay, do
(07:27):
you understand what I say? I'm on, I'm on hope,
but I can hear you, and I feel weird. I
feel like I'm spying you. Can you can dropped the line,
but I don't want to hear anything. I shouldn't hear
Jimmy's vacuums where we no longer suck? Can I help you, ma'am?
You've made a quick adjustment on that note. I heard
(07:48):
you just gave me that note. Well, when I was younger,
my father told me to shut up once, and I
was quiet for eighteen years of his life. I listened
very well. Congratulations. What and I do for you, ma'am? Well,
I I'm just gonna I didn't know I was gonna say.
I love your voice. I had my throat replaced when
(08:10):
I was sixteen years old. Oh, I got a new
throat at thirty two. Oh what do you have any
recordings of what you used to sound like? It was
a hollow, wet I had the same thing, the ex
same thing. Well there, I don't sing like a nightingale,
but it's a lot better. Than it was. I used
(08:32):
to sing like a tsunami had an hour just to
laugh at that. I wish I did. But we were together,
naked together. Vaccine, thanks for just meeting me at such
short notice. You know, Jim's were all over the nation, right,
and people used to buy vacuums all the time, and
(08:53):
filters and uh and whatnot. But everything's moving online and
it looks like we're gonna have to close some of
our shots. But Vaccine store to one two, right, store too,
one two. It's a staple of the community, I know.
But no one's going to Barstow to get vacuums anymore,
so we're gonna have to Hey, fucking need this, man,
(09:14):
What do you know? Are you slipping me dollar bills?
It's not gonna just take this. This is just for you.
This is just for you. I don't need this dollar decision,
you know what I mean? Actually, I wish I could
keep it open, all right, but I don't have to
tell you. You guys made a decision on drinks. Yes,
I'll do the clamato please, fun choice. I'll have a
(09:36):
virgin virgin dacori, please, a virgin dacory for a little
pussy okay, we'll be right back. Um, Lena couldn't help,
but notice that you called a young gentleman ordering a
vision decory a little pussy. What you called him? I
heard you call him a little pussy. I don't I
(10:00):
think I would do that. I'm going to play back
this recording and then you can tell me if this
is your not hollow, wet voice we're hearing. Hold on,
I'll take the vision Jachary, okay, and a virgin race
for that a little pussy. I did hear that. I
(10:23):
said that. That was me. I'm going to slowly applaud you.
What I've been waiting years for a woman to come
in here and call someone a little pussy. You've done it.
Thank you, sir. I think you may have done more
than you realize you've done. I need you to go
over to Jimmy's vaccine. Tell him you're looking for the
(10:44):
I D S F immediately the I D S S. Okay, Jimmy's.
You don't know what it means. Go to the back door. Yeah,
this is Jimmy's vaccines. But we don't have anything called
an I D YES. I want to apologize. I I
got vaccinated for things I don't even know I can
(11:07):
have made I made a mistake. I met go to
Jimmy's vacuum. We got, we got Rickett? Do you want rickets?
While you're here? You can't hurt you know? Why the
hell did you go back to that vaccine place? Listen,
go to Jimmy's vacuum, vacuum, the vacuum, story vaccuum. That's
(11:32):
for the id SF right away, sir, Yeah, No, it
seems as though a lot of people are getting the
vaccines for ricketts, folks. The problem here is COVID nineteen.
I don't know how many times I gotta explain this
to you, question questions from the press. Yes, the gentleman
in the odd hat h h yeah, Henry and a
(11:55):
new bird. I'm from a new news Republic America only doctor,
and I say that quotes, Uh forget you? Uh? You
said earlier that if we if if there was, you said,
if I'm going to my notes here, that if if
there were, you're just looking at your hand. What what
do you yes? Right behind you? Dot Morocco at gmail
(12:15):
dot com. Do I have a question? Please? Why are
we living in a simulation? Fair question? And a lot
of people believe this all over this great country of Oz.
The answer is yes, right next to you, David Morocco
at aol dot com. Yep, YEPA will you come back
(12:36):
to me? Will you come back to me at at
David Morocco at David Morocco not the right place. This
is a junk. This is let's talk after question, question
question out question question questions, questions, question, question question, Let's
(12:58):
I'll take you a question from news crew. Hi horse
maremba news crew. Yeah. Dr Fauci, Yeah, Any truth to
the idea that having multiple vaccines from a storefront vaccine
store may lead to autism? Well, see, this is an
issue that was happening long before COVID. People were so
(13:19):
concerned about the connection between the two. There have been
a few isolated cases and then, uh, you know, Jenny
McCarthy's going retweet that. You know, you see what this
on the TV. You see that. Huh No vacuums, all right,
no vacuums in this house. Nobody, nobody's getting no more vacuums,
(13:41):
no more, no, no, get what all the vacuums out
of my goddamn house. You hear what you said? Yeah,
they gives you rickets vacuums give you rickets. I heard
it isolated cases my ass. Now listen, I've been Rewhite,
rewriting the Bible and rewiting it. All right, I agree
with rewhiting the whole thing. There were many of those
people from other countries with dogs. That's what I'm saying.
(14:04):
I say, look, okay, okay, now look now in there
in some of the writings that I've been able to do. Okay,
vacuums and satan m h. Come on, if you look,
scramble up the letters of vacuum, what do you get? Satan? Exactly?
Mr Morocco, thank you for coming in to see us. Now,
as you can tell, this is one cubicle in an
(14:27):
empty building. I am the last remaining A O L.
And frankly you are the last A O L active
email account we have now, Amn, Deman, I'm probably gonna
take myself out later this evening. Okay, you're gonna you're
gonna do with bleach low and slow, with like a girl, baby,
(14:48):
like a girl, you know? Can I be honest with you.
I only took this job to try to get my
wife back. She's over at the competition. I figured if
we could work to rebuild a ol bigger than ever.
She she'd finally consider me a man, even though I'm
smooth below like a like a ken doll. Mm did
you want to see it? That is scene one? Why not?
(15:28):
I mean it was how The involuntary answer I believe
for each of us was yes, yes, we would like
to see that. I'm glad you are too. Comes from
patron v P David, who wrote, hello, Mr poblic Yeah,
that's how I like to be preferred. You may know
(15:50):
me as deeper Kill illustration. Yeah, we love this guy
on Instagram. Thank you so very much for using my
last idea of Leonardo da Vinci's dead beat brother Chuck
da Vinci. Yep, genius improv is always why. Thank you.
You know, many artists need a muse to inspire them
(16:12):
to produce great art, whether it's music, writing, painting, whatever
they create, and I think I have found mine. Alchemy.
This is my muse and I can't wait to see
what they inspire me to paint or draw next. Though
it'll be hard to top come Face Network, Yes it
will hm hm For the record, Okay, I've got pleased.
(16:40):
I've got a few ideas here. The first one stunk everyone,
so I'm just gonna read you the second one would then,
by the way, the second one is another oddball. Um,
so here we go. Uh Alan Arkin has to fill
in for Santa Claus, who's hungover, who's out partying with
the alms the night before. Thank you all so much
(17:02):
for all you do. Okay, can I just have your attention, please,
just together, just for a moment, Santa. As always, there's
a lot of love in this room, and I'm crazy
for you kids, I really am. Yeah, Christmas is pretty
(17:22):
much the best. As you know. I'm filling in this year.
I'm gonna do my damnedest, but I'm depending on you
more than ever. Well, we know how things running around here.
And by the way, Santa always gave us a shoulder
of every night before we got to sleep. I think
I know what you're getting at. So I'm gonna bring
in fifteen Masseuses. What's the pearl from Massius? Is a
(17:45):
Messiah Massus? Messiahs is that what you say? Let's go
with Messiah's. I like the way it rolls off the tongue.
I always want to bring in fifteen the gonna rub
your shoulders. I just need you to work harder than
you ever had before, because I'm really secure normally don't
(18:07):
do this, but can you sign my copy of Ocean eleven?
You were so good? Matt? Please call me Alan. Yes,
I'd be happy to sign it. That's a very small
sharpie because it's right for you. Let me have one more,
Let me take one more place. Are you sure about this?
Don't you? Ohly ship Tim? Can you handle this guy?
(18:33):
He's been sitting here all night at the bar, and
my wife is waiting for me to get home. We
just have twins yesterday here, sir Tim, could you please
handle him for me? A thousand pounds? Man, I'm not
gonna go out and local news Santa Clause has gone mad.
(18:56):
He's destroyed an entire bar, saying that you're arms off
of me. To hell with Christmas. The elves all suck
and Mrs Clause is not worth the paper I paid
for her. Did you see this? You see it on TV?
He Santa Claus hamm it off his ass all right now? Listen,
I'm rewriting and rewriting the Bible a right now. Some
(19:16):
of these sections are gonna have heavy, heavy seen the
Clause influence. You know what I'm saying, all right, and
it is exactly what we're saying. It just makes sense.
It just makes sense. You hardly see any Santa Claus
in the Bible. And that's what I'm saying. You know
what I mean? You see oh yeah, but you I
don't get to see him in the Bible. That's why
I'm rewriting it. That's why I'm rewriting. You know what
I mean? Alan, Baby, what do you mean You're not
(19:38):
available the last week of December. This is a Christopher
Nolan movie. You can't do it well listen. As much
as I'd love to do a ridiculously long, convoluted film, Um,
I'm feeling in for a cousin. You know, he's he's
very big this time of year and he's outsick. What
am I gonna do? Your cousin? This is my cousin.
(19:58):
I know it sounds crazy, but the book book out,
book out, you know, because we had you avail, we
had to tell you. I'll tell you what you go
ahead and take the gig. Oh hello, Mr Clause, if
I may, I know you're just standing in for my husband.
(20:19):
But it's a very lonely time of year for me.
Is you can imagine right of course, yes, yes, yes, yes,
um do you know what it's like to be a
woman in your pride? Pole ignored, no matter what negligent
you may wear. I feel you're underlining the word pole.
(20:42):
Oh was I I can underline another pole? Elves you
are sleeping good. He brought an a messiah who's been
taking care of the sentence. Brought in the Messiah that
din't care of us, Alanackin. Brought in the Messiah to
(21:05):
give us all shoulder ups that we haven't very loose.
We had got a lot of titching. We didn't even
know yere. Messiah left his car behind shows Burke Williams.
Who is this Burke? You smell funny. Kiss on the cheek.
Give me a little kiss on the cheek, everybody, everybody?
(21:27):
Are you gonna give me kisses on the cheek to
night before you go to bed? Alright? Brian Sally Christmas Eve? Okay?
And uh, I'm sure you've heard just one second when
you said Brian, you're talking Brian with a y that's
(21:48):
me or Brian with the eye. I'm sorry, I just
don't know which I was talking to. Brian, you're Brian,
I'm yeah, I'm talking to Brian. Okay, you met me
when you said out act Brian, Sally, hold on one second, Brian,
can I can I talk to you in the room?
You say, Brian and Brian, I am. I'm sorry, I'm
talking to you. I'm talking to you, Brian, Can I
(22:11):
can talk to Hi? What the hell are you doing
being difficult? Yeah? Obviously, Okay, you're you're throwing up all
these goddamn roadblocks in my having I'm having issues. What
the hell's going on? My my g D, my g D.
(22:32):
Second job, I've been working for this the SPA Burke Williams,
and we've been busier than ever. I'm not getting a
lot of sleep. So when I don't get sleep, I
make trouble for other people. Brian, I know that, okay,
and I'm doing the best I can to make home. Sally,
(22:52):
get back in your room. Okay, sorry, Sally, Sally, did
you say Brian or did you Brian? With the wire,
I said your name, Brian. It's Brian and Brian Brian
after the shrip's fan. Yes, that's right. I'll go back
(23:13):
to my room. But I wish you wouldn't find I
wish you would stay here and here at this out.
If you've heard this much, I want you to hear
it all. Whatever you're about to lay in the mee
with and then you just lay into me with it.
But Sally's gonna stay and she's gonna hear this too.
I already heard language I shouldn't hear. Can you explain
again who Brian is and why he lives in our house?
(23:36):
You know, you know my my cousin's a famous movie star.
I'm paying you for your time, so you got to
talk to me. Yeah, buddy, Look, I'm just supposed to
drive you off with location. Guess guess, guess name is celebrity?
It's probably my cousin. Um bird background, close close, Hey
(23:58):
are you? Are you looking for a friend? I got
a lot of friendsmen. Oh nice? Oh hell yeah, that's nice.
That's nice. That's nice. Any of your friends have famous cousins?
A couple of them. One of them related to Robert
de Niro, Another one that Christopher Nolan. Oh, another one
Quentin Tarantina bred Pitt Do I tip you through the app?
(24:22):
But if you have cash? So you screwed with the
guy the whole time. You acted like you didn't know
who his cousin was I had no idea. It was hilarious.
The guy I was just I was just like, dude, like,
let me be difficult for one so nice during the holiday, right.
You know, I know a guy who's been difficult lately.
He hadn't been getting a lot of sleep because he's
been working at the Burke Williams. And he makes that
makes sense. Devation can definitely cause like you know, Alan
(24:45):
baby just doubling back. You're now you're getting an offer
for for an m c U movie. Just want to
double check you're not available that last week of December
when most things are shot. No, I am actually available
the entire last week. Just said we're starting. What is
the one? I'm getting cold? Who's Who's that on the phone, Allen? Oh,
(25:12):
it's just somebody here, so listen. Um what's the name? Okay,
it's Katherine. Um. So so take the gig. What do
you want from me? Take it? Answer is yes, you know, Dick,
Dick Crusted. I you're one of the best agents we
got and uh it sucks that you know, Uh, it's
(25:32):
gonna have to be shutting down some of our satellite office.
Is even Bartone. Well, I I've been the head of
the CIA Barstow office for for for thirty years. I
know Dick, but I'm sorry, Uh, it's we just Alan
Clause to change his last name to something more illiterateure
I am I look, please stop hand me dollars. That's
(25:55):
not gonna help. Look at all this money I'm making.
Did you guys decide on set or yeah, I'm gonna
need the Clomato The Clomato excellent choice set of a
virgin Long Island Iced tea covered in Long Island Iced tea,
the little baby bussy bit checking does she seem artistic?
(26:16):
I'm here to speak to Mr Williams. M hmmm is
that you? Hm? Look, m hmmm. I understand even spending
time with some special people, people who are very close
to me. I'm talking about, Oh oh you're that guy. Yeah, yeah,
(26:37):
I'm that guy. I'm that guy, rollerblades in that guy,
a basketball hope in guy. Please don't walk me through
your years. Don't walk through your years, your years, Mr Williams.
I brought you those presents, those years. What can I do?
What do I do? You're you're the big Messiah. Now
(26:58):
how do I make this right of me? I'm sick.
I'm fucking sick. Lay down on the massage table, okay,
oh oh it hurts to lay down. Oh. I'm going
to apply some of these oils gently to the area
between your shoulder blades. I haven't been, of course you haven't.
(27:25):
We've all overlooked the big man in these years, and
it seems like you've taken on a little too much
pressure from the world. No, no, no, so so I'm sorry. Uh,
Steve and Jim again, thank you for coming in um
to us first. But you're saying Santa Claus for he's
(27:46):
drunk and in pain most of the film. Yeah, yeah,
I mean, think of the think of this guy. He
got all these pressures, right, yeah, he's got all these
pressures that he has to uh do you know Santa
Claus and then Santa Claus to Santa These were very
successful family film. It seems like we're going a different
(28:10):
route here. And Mr and Mr Warner and your brothers
if if if I could just just just show you again.
So Santa, right, Santa Santa is a you say his name,
you're super happy. Yeah, that's people's experience. Yeah, totally totally.
But you know what sometimes sometimes, uh, this winter do
(28:35):
the bed. Take that again, we're gonna we're gonna add
music and start effects. You're not responsible for that. Just
read the copy. That's what I got. Hold Hold hold
my claim here was hired to make the music too, Okay,
And if he did that in the audition and he
played dirty eight bucks to come in and make the
wind sound, well he's the winter wind sound. Am I sorry?
(28:59):
That's good. I don't know what do you want me
to do? Look, my client here is supposed to make music.
When he says that, okay, that's what we agreed upon.
All right, that's what he's gonna. I'm ready, I'm ready,
I'm ready, I'm ready. Okay, don't don't outsource portions of
you and you're right you look all right, let's take
it one more time for the time this winter? Do
(29:21):
do do? Do? Do? Do Do? Do? Do? Do? So? All
these buttons here just record different things or how do
they work while the green ones are recording and then
the red one stops the recording and then fuck's side
(29:43):
of a spaceship. You know, a lot of my clients
they do vos now because it's hard to get in there,
and I do live action stuff. But as nice as
your studio is still popping and ropping. There's popping and
both robbing, Caroline, could you come in please? Absolutely? Apparently
someone has pushed the purple button and they used the
code word ropping. That's gonna be a big problem. Do
(30:06):
we want to get someone over there? Or do I
need to take care of this myself? Again? I can
get so, I can do it myself. If you want to,
let me have a have a swing at it. Um
if I make two words to you, absolutely, you're welcome.
You're welcome? You're we mad at each other? Or do
you respect me? Yes? Okay? So um hello. I was
(30:33):
told to come here to get a new um uh
international double suck filter. Welcome, Welcome to Jimmy's him, me
and some of my elf friends. We uh, we need
we need to get a new filtering filter. How many
friends are with you? How many friends? Um? The two
(30:54):
of us and then then there's a bunch of us
in the bad. There's a d us in the bad.
All right, I need three elves on each other's shoulder,
put on this long trench coat so it looks like
one guy with a tiny head and tightener little feet
go out the back. Door. Your new name is Maury.
You're gonna be living at one two three for one
Tiara Boulevard and bars Hi More. You're home late from work?
(31:15):
How was the office? I mean, I just want to
take a bath. It's not even Tuesday. It doesn't matter. Look,
I just need some time. Look, I'm good. Okay, I'm good. God, yeah,
it tastes good. It's just canny. Okay. Look, ma'am, at
(31:39):
any point in this relation and talk to the court,
did you realize that you were making love to three
different elves at the same time? Yes? And did you
at any point feel the need to stop making love
to three different elves at the same time? And spake
to the court truthful? And ma'am object? And what under
(32:01):
what circumstances? Sir? I guess the judge and ask I'm
very offended. Fuck me, I'll keep going with the didn't you? Yeah,
just a judge, But can you pressed him for some
specifics than so you tell me you got a script here.
(32:25):
Instead of twelve angry men, it's twelve angry mythical creatures
and they're all in the jury box just deliberating this case. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's a divorce case, right, and they have a twelve
twelve person jury. You see how easy? It just kind
of flows as a pitch. When you say it back
to me, it sounds like music. Well, look here at
the travel Channel, we're looking for original content. All right,
(32:48):
so we Alan, Baby, it's Dick. We've moved to Victorville. Uh,
they're they're checking your avail for twelve angry mythical creatures. Right, Okay,
well I think I'm a yes. The answers, yes, they're
gonna shoot on. Let me say you're back. I've taken
(33:11):
all the toxins out of you. Sen, It's time to
go back and reclaim what's rightfully yours, Dick, my my cousin,
miraculously recover and take everything you understand me take book
over book, double book, triple book, everything that came in
the answers, Yes, okay, okay, I'd love to walk on.
(33:31):
See if you can give me a walk on. Also,
my cousin's wife, who I'm extremely fond of from a
botonical situation, would like with like a small part and
two of the three offers. Okay, great, that on my writer, Okay, Alan,
arc is the holiday spirit? All right? That actually worked
(33:59):
for some reason that scene too. Yes, I say yes,
I vote yes three us from Martin, who wrote, Hey uncles,
thanks for all the work you do. Due to the
pandemic and the lack of my commune school grad school, well,
(34:21):
I fell behind on all my podcast. I had thirty
plus episodes of your show by mid June, and the
list kept growing every week. I'm happy to share I
only have five more episodes until I catch up. Ah.
I feel relieved. Also, I love all the guest speakers
you have brought to the show, as well as the
(34:43):
return of Vanessa Ragling auspicious. We have a guest speaker
and Vanessa with us today. Here's my scene suggest what
a sweet combo. After the Titan Fanos wipes out half universe,
the Avengers look for new recruits the upcoming fight. I
(35:04):
hope you have fun. Martin from Canada, the entire country.
I can, I can kick right, I can spend, kick
and spend. I've got a turtle turtle activation not can
do to myself what and so you're covered in a
(35:25):
shell at that point of protecting. It's a flesh turtle
activation that I can do to myself, just a fleshy
turtle part not the show. I wish I could say
now I do happy I haven't in danger, but if
I'm in danger, I can fleshly turtle activate in a
way that makes me a sort of very morally opponent. Uh.
(35:49):
I think it would be great for your crul and
I have a lot of fun. God knows, I'll have
a lot of fun. I'd love to travel. Um, you're in,
You're in, Okay, you're in. Do we have that? Uh? Telena,
I heard that you had your interview today with with
the group. So does this mean it's over with us?
(36:14):
Or how does this work? Now? Leslie, I'm almost enjoyed
our relationship. I mean, I like how you could chicken,
God knows. I loved how you could spend and activation.
I love just her activation, the soft part. I love
(36:35):
the ones that you are always worried, sort of targeted.
And I thought that the way you've been damned more
than most has always been so special for this is great.
But now you're telling me all this stuff and you're
you're off with the group to im, I'll go, I
gotta go save the world. I didn't think this common, baby,
(36:55):
I didn't say this common. I hope you to give me.
I can forgive you, but can you forgive me for
what I'm going to do in the future. Oh you'll see,
you'll Oh, no, dying, it went out a launder shut. No.
I mean I think, like in general, like my powers
(37:17):
you know, even though at the moment undefined could be
something that at any moment could develop into something so
powerful that it would be incomprehensible. You know what I mean.
You're in, Um, maybe I should be in. You know
what I mean? Maybe you're up? What Actually my powers
if you properly could be well me, hold on, hold
(37:42):
maybe wait, Oh, let's do this. I got a limo
business that I need to take care of before I
can officially joy it. All right, I gotta all right,
I gotta hand on some stuff on this side. I
got a cousin of mine, beautiful cousin of mine, My
cousins so fucking beautiful that I believe it's a heat.
(38:02):
And he's uh is he single? So you got in?
I heard? Yeah? I did, Yeah, I did. You told
him about to tell him about me and my spare jawntinus.
It was beautiful because I got Let's make sure those
tires are on there, Come on, let's go. Look, I'm
(38:24):
gonna I'm gonna be Uh is that mine? I don't know,
you don't know whose order that is, but I got too.
I'm too beautiful to look to the side. If the
world ever sees my profile, it's fucked. You realize that
I do. If the world sees what I looked like
side faced, it's fucked. Yeah, yeah, I got no keep
(38:51):
looking straight on. I know. Um, so here is the
deed to the Limo shop, and uh, all three keys
all right over there, So let me read over. Let
me read over the small print singing all three cheese. Son,
you're loving cousin. Yes, go ahead, So I appreciate you
(39:13):
just you're taking this on as I you go join
the the Avengers, you know, So good luck to your brother.
Thanks Daddy. Wake up, Dad, Dad, Wake up dad, Wake up?
What what what is it? Son? Look at it? Look,
look I've found something for you. It's you know, you're
having a hard time finding a job. They're saying, calling
(39:34):
all heroes. You're you're my hero. And I took this
off of a lighthule in front of the buddy. You're
just supposed to rip off, you know. One phone number
at the bottom. But I figured the whole sheet. Yeah, yeah,
you're my hero. Maybe you can make a living being here.
Oh buddy, you know, uh, you know that's metaphorical when
(39:55):
you call me a hero. I mean the Avengers actually
have superpowers and they you know, they fight, so, you know,
cosmic supervillains and saved the world. You know, so do
you you you saved my world? Well? Mom, I mean
I know half the university. Buddy, I'm right here. That
(40:16):
was a mean thing to say. He's not a man.
You're more than a man. You're more than a man,
all right, kid, if if yeah, I'll go through this
interview if that helps. Thanks vaccine, Hey, thanks for me
to me again. Uh you know, you know then more
(40:37):
than half of the population just kind of disappeared. Uh,
we're gonna be opening up the vacuum store back in Barstone.
This is what I needed, caer for your troubles. Okay,
it's a napkin. Uh so I appreciate. So yeah, I
want to let you know everything's good to go. We
(40:59):
shall have the same location available. Um, and did you
get the napkin? Did he pass the napkin off? Did
he give you the napkin? Yeah? Yeah, gave me, Give
it to me. I need to get the d NA
off of it immediately. Oh oh, I good words, I
use some of it? What do you mean I used
(41:19):
some of it? Did you realize that he has alien
DNA and you'd use the napkin that he had used? Well?
I mean I knew. I mean, you know what's going
to happen to you? Don't you? Come on? You realize
what's gonna happen? No? No, no, no, no, Hey, you
(41:41):
run the manage the vacuum store. Yeah, Jimmy's welcome, Jimmy's vaccine,
but we still no longer ship. What's going on? I'm dick.
I run the talent agency next time. I'm sorry? Did
you say vaccine? I'm sorry? Did you come? I just
wanted to say hi, you know, since we're all the
(42:03):
same strip mall here in Barstone, just just this vaccine store,
this vacuum store, in this talent agency. Oh sorry, it's
a customer. I was wondering. Those are kind of a
shell of a vacuum that you could put on my
body and also given a may or someone for a friend.
(42:26):
I'm asking, I'm sure of sucking power. Are you looking
for maybe a shell like the I d SF. I
don't know. I'm just going I've been talking about let
me and talking about the last word. I have a
turtal activation and I sort of have a overestimating stand back. Yep,
(42:54):
you've been a great you have been a great assistant manager. Uh,
but now is it my show? You who I read? Please?
That boy alien, I'm a bad boy, threw there's a
(43:16):
there's a purple light going off here? Is that bad?
It's Uh, there's a purple light. Is that bad? I
don't know if that's bad. Somebody pressed the purple light,
but I don't know. It's just going off. And I
just this one is yours? Okay, I don't mean, I
don't mind. Let me go to voicemails? Are you thinking thinking? Okay, Hello,
(43:40):
I'm getting a ship beat out of me. I don't know.
I have a purple button. I've been pressing this. Please help.
This is fantastic. We don't if you have representation, very
small agency. I just have one client. Alan like that.
(44:02):
It sounds like the turtle The turtle girl is saying
trouble or something. I don't know. Should I hang up?
Should I hang up? Thang it? Thang it like plane
tool to Birthstow. Excuse me. Yesterday I walked by this
poll and there was a piece of paper on that
with some numbers to tell off. And I wanted to
(44:23):
call because I have superpowers, but the paper is not
then and mold all right, I managed the pole, and
usually I know everything that's on the coal and I'm
usually I'm usually here to guard it, but occasionally I
take a you know, arrest, and this it appears this happened.
Sometimes someone took the whole piece of paper instead of
just tearing off the tab, and so that document is
(44:46):
not here any longer. Well, for what I understand, there's
trouble at the vacuum and or the Vaccine Talent Agency area.
And I know that I could go in there and
help if I could just get the number to Couties Evil,
so I can become a superhero and then go over
there help. But I think, I think I follow um,
(45:08):
and I unfortunately cannot help you at all because paper
with your car is on fire. Man, I realized that
it's trouble and Barstow, okay, buddy, he got to beds
your chances, your chance? What am I supposed to do
(45:29):
about that? Buddy, even you anything, he's not like, he's
not me. You're my biggest All right, uncle uncle Wayne's
sleeping with you, guys. Sorry about to go dead. Go
(45:55):
Are you still in the room, buddy? Yeah? Yeah, Dick,
you were always my favorite agent. And I just gotta
say your I got your your treatment for a new
m c U film franchise, Turtle Girl. That's um. Can
you tell me just to flesh out a little bit
more than what's in the treatment? Where's this going? Have
(46:15):
you written the Bible yet for Turtle Girl? Yes? And
I've whitened it as well. So I think the good
the reason Marvel bootes have been too diverse, where we're
gonna rewhiten Turtle Girl? Sure? Uh yeah, I mean I
felt like that treatment was pretty explicit, like it was.
It's it's about where MCU. We need ten ten Turtle
(46:40):
Girl movies. You've got about three here. Great? Great, So
so you're thinking ahead. That's awesome. That's what we do. Yeah,
there's no reason to green light one if you can't
do ten. We are live outside the I guess the
best we can call it as a strip mall where
they're the vacuum place, a vaccine place that day. For
(47:01):
lack of a better word, agent, I'm on TV. Look
at me. We are all looking at you. There is
apparently a dad who's about to enter the right I
guess for lack of better word, free our practice here
for lack of better word, Okay, what's going on here?
Make my son, buddy? There's a there's several aliens in
(47:23):
their uh turtle woman, and they are reeking what for
lack of a better word, have it, sir? I don't look.
I do not see. I don't see male or female.
I literally don't around for them. Okay about the whole
(47:44):
turtle thing. Hello, Hello, Hello, is this Times Square? I'm sorry?
I think I think you reached two different numbers that
the same. Let me hang up you the very big
(48:10):
TV screen in tenn square? Is that right? Yes, that's right.
Somebody else is on the line. That's a trend up. Now,
can you air a local station from Barstow? My dad
is about to prove to the world that he's a hero,
and I think the whole world should see it. You
mean you just picked up the phone. Some random kid
told you to put a feed in and you did it.
(48:31):
Are you kidding me? You gotta hear this kid's story. Bucks,
don't give the ship. It's a college football already saving
the town. And I'm Italian. It's unbelievable. It's okay that
alien cut me in half. Half. I'm trying to put
you back. Why are there? Why are they sing? I'm
(48:55):
not so buddy, we are still. I am now peeking
my head inside this local business here in Barstow. The
father has been cut in half, but for some reason
together halves are being held together. But they're still being
very active on the scene. Buddy, can you tell him, Buddy,
(49:24):
can you tell damn it the message he wants to
tell Buzzy? When did you say, Buddy? I love him
and I hope he's happy. I hope this is what
he wanted. That's funny. He wanted to kill his dad.
How funny he kills his dad. I'll tell him. Turn
off the TV. Mom, can't find the clicker. I'm sorry,
(49:49):
it's right here. I don't have a pillow, so I
was I was sleeping on top of the clicker. Still
a darkness inside of me rising up? What is happening?
What's up? Mom? You mean? I am but I've actually
(50:13):
been fair in eyes. I just even a cool uncle,
even weird, but even cool. You gotta do you get
two hots? Ye? Oh? Should? I forgot to plug back
in that thing with the purple button ship. Let me
get a hold and uh no, it's tough. Are you
(50:34):
gonna go ahead and announce as you plug it in? Yeah?
I mean I plugged it. It's just not beating anymore.
I thought the Uh I didn't know? Is that easy
to disconect the avenge of little button? I hate to interrupt.
I'm Dina Tina, and we haven't met yet, but I
think i've seen you in a Do you have a
very attractive cousin? I do, Yeah, Yes, I do have.
(50:59):
I just I saw this morning. I was on my dog.
I run a lot. I run probably twenty miles a day.
I'm very very thick. And I saw, I saw your cousin.
I saw his side face. You saw his profile. I
saw his side face. Oh god, we gotta get him
in here. We gotta get him. Is that me, cousin?
(51:21):
I'm trying to reach my cousin, that is Oh? Did
you hello? Hey? I was running beautiful man, Yeah, maybe
a little too beautiful. This morning I was out at
the Park. You know where the lake is in the
fish My cousin's cousin. Oh my god, it's his hot cousin.
Oh my lady saw my side face. You know what
(51:43):
this means, don't you. Yeah, that's the beginning of the end. Yeah,
it's more than that, buddy. The world it's fucked. Come on,
come on, man, it's already already lost. Three thirty five
of the treatments. You'll see that this is where Turtle
Girls seven crosses over with Santa Claus four, and that
(52:03):
there is a brutal graphic disemplagon. But what's that? That's
what page you are on. I told him three seventy eight?
Did I say three seventy eight? Said three fifty something?
I'm sure it was. We have Ellen Arkins attached already
(52:24):
as Santa Claus. This is why you work as a committee. Everyone.
Here's a different number. Were again outside that strip mall.
A little boy who apparently is made up of elves.
I'm not quite sure how that worked. Is now entering
the for a lack of better word, vacuum and or
(52:45):
vaccine store. I'll see if I can crawl inside so
you can hear what's happening That is Adam, Adam, I
think I think this. At this point, I'm just holding
together to Sam with this. Basically, this is not there
was this guy. I don't think this guy's with me,
but I don't damn, oh god, I'm like, oh, I
(53:12):
don't know. Are you buddy, Are you buddy? Tell buddy,
he's three elves, Tell buddy, he's three elms, No buddy three.
Apparently the little boy likes to work in silence, and
well he has now taken to kicking the aliens for,
(53:32):
for lack of a better word, kicking their asses all
over the place. And that's our show for today. Oh my,
two sandwiches together. Let's thank nobody. He's three elves. Oh my,
(53:55):
oh my, Let's go around and thank everybody, starting with
Vanissa Rock and thank you some. It's darling. Oh man,
oh man. We're so happy to see your face again.
And folks should go to the Dicey Typewriter calendar and
check out some upcoming shows. I guess yeah. We have
a lot of wonderful things coming up. We got wild
horses coming up and um a great January calendar, so
(54:17):
go to Dynasty Typewriter dot com. We also made a
calendar that I think could improve anyone's wall. I love
the October. I love the month of October of that
calendar very well. Yeah, yeah, make fan of that particular month. Yeah,
it's a great calendar. Um and um, should I have
received one. I'm incredibly grateful. I'm not saying I did. Um,
(54:40):
let's go. Also, thank Mr Gary Anthony Williams. Do you
have anything that calendar for March? Is there anything on
Mark at all? Or is it there's a bit, a
bit but not traditional. It's not traditional, Okay, okay, so
I'm looking for Thank you, Thank you, Chris Alvarano, Thank
you so damn much, and happy to do year to you,
to buddy, Happy New Year. Just I'm looking forward to
(55:02):
this calendar, if I can be honest, I'm sure I'm
in there somewhere. I'm sure. Yeah, you're gonna find it. Yeah,
of course. Yeah. Something about gift giving, I'm sure. Greigkowski. Hey,
it's one and not too much is going on so far,
but it already feels better and hopefully we can get
that vacuum out to everyone. I keep writing, I keep
(55:23):
writing ship hole on my checks. Um. I'm listening to
the Twelve Days of Christmas the podcast that finally popped
up on the second one. Now, yeah yeah, it's great,
super great, and and thank Carlos. We did to holiday
episodes for the Craigslist podcast, so you can find that
(55:44):
on Craigslist, peacast on Twitter. We watched twelve holiday movies
and twelve nights we being he and Carlos and I
love them both. Yeah so great. Uh speaking of not great,
Joey Greth, thank you so much for being here. Such
a pleasure, such a pleasure, so so much. And happy
new Year to you too, Happy new year to YouTube,
(56:06):
a new year. And I do want to say this
to all the below deck freaks out there. Just caught
the very end of the last episode and they're kicking
somebody off the charter. I mean what, that's all I know.
Until it's all I can tell you. Somebody's getting kicked off.
(56:26):
That's the practical place. That's also thank our producer and
engineer to the stars, Mr Debate. Fine folks that I
hurt media, And a happy new year to all of you.
This is your host, Kevin Pollock reminding you to be
kind to each other. Damn it. It's the easiest route.
And hell, wear a mask when you go outside, please,
(56:47):
Happy New Year from alcohol yeah,
Uh, welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID
nineteen edition. I mean, how's Kevin Pollocks that? Kevin Pollock?
Tell you what bring me? Joey Gars Beanie and you
can join us in zoom. But that's mean cham showery
no particular were saying hey to Craig Kakowski, Kaw Do
(00:24):
you have a word or phrase that grab your attention
over the holidays? A word or phrase? Um, I feel
like vaccine was hot? Like I was hearing. I was
hearing a lot of that. You know, I don't pay
attention to context. Uh so I'm not really sure why
(00:44):
that word was being said a lot. It's fun to say,
you know, I think it starts with a V. A
couple of seas. Mean, it's funny, you know, I wasn't
just it's fun to say. I wasn't asking for context
I rarely needed and thank you for that. Now, please
welcome back Vanessa Rackler. Just like that veniche. As a child,
(01:07):
how difficult was it to sleep on Christmas Eve? Oh?
So very difficult? Yeah? Yeah, I was one of those.
But my um six year old hasn't hit that age yet.
He can still just conk right out I'm waiting for
that adrenaline because I was amped and then I was
up early, and so far that hasn't happened. Here, can't
(01:28):
get him out of bed before ten am on Christmas morning,
just sleeping. It's because he drinks, but a six year
old will do. And now Chris Alvarado with the final
surf report of Chris large waves full of sewage. Wowiku,
whoa hey, look there's Gary Anthony Williams. If you knew
(01:54):
how much money I had bet and basically it's my
house that I would be forth to be introduced. Game
baby the pos as we all say, as Vanessa's six
year old says, the pony came in. Yeah, g dub.
Do you have a favorite version of a Christmas Carol? Uh? No,
(02:19):
good by? Like like my children, they're all precious in
their own way. Correct correct answer is Mr magoose Christmas Carol.
That's not what I say. But we'll take We'll take
none and last, but no room at the end. If
you think at least it's Joey Greer droopy drawers. What
(02:41):
is the exit strategy? I'll tell you right now. Off yourself, Okay,
I get something in there, get like I don't know
if it's like bleach or something, but just have something
ready and that's how you're gonna go okay, And I
would drink it. No, I put it. I just pour
it on the skin. Huh, low and slow, just like
you're grilling. Just like, thank you for that. Let's do
a damn show. All of our scene suggestions gather from
(03:03):
your listener emails or from our patron v I p
s to become a patron support of the show and
a joy exclusive content like oh I don't know video
what's happening right now? Just head on over to the
Patreon dot com slash alchemy this. If you'd like to
submit a SCENESU justined via old timey email, please right
to the podcast at your name here at alchemy this
dot com. That's your name here Alchemy come Craig seen Je.
(03:32):
I've heard dot com from the South. We don't have
the sound, it's all I'm also from the South. I've
never said dot com and I'm from the South. Right
now giving you to your people, you're lying to the
hilaria of topical I like pop following Poe one Scene
(04:01):
one that was scene one, alright, Scene two comes to
scene one is from listener Matthew, who wrote, Hello Alchemists.
I love the show and love all of you. You
have quickly become the podcast I listened to the most
during my work day. My scene suggesting came to me
while I was rewatching Breaking Bad Huh. In it, characters
(04:25):
who need to purchase a new identity to start in
life do so by calling a vacuum cleaner repair shop.
I remember that episode. By ordering this very specific part,
the person at the store is tipped off that the
caller wants a new identity. I wonder what would happen
if someone called the store who actually wanted that part. Yeah,
we all wondered that Matthew uh and and that person
(04:48):
was west away against their will. So um, it's about
wanting a new identity to start a new life. They
would call a vacuum cleaner repair shop and they would
ask for a specific part that would indicate to the
shop owner that this person on the QT wanted the
(05:08):
new life and passport. And that is what Matthew w
from Medicine Hat Alberta, Canada would like us to do.
Ps I absolutely loved the album. Good night, great job
to everyone involved. Matt Er, thank you gerber sure, ring
(05:29):
ring ring, ring, Hello, Hello, Hello, line is ring, both
of both of my lines. Hold on line one. You're hello.
This is Jimmy's Vacuums where the only thing that sucks
around here is the majority of our vacuums. And how
(05:50):
can I help you? Okay? I need a what was
it a filter? Double suction filter and international double suction filter.
Are you sure you're asking for an international double suction filter?
And I D s F yeah, yes, yes, anyone, anyone
(06:14):
for me and my girlfriend. I need to international double
suction filters. Come in immediately, m E D immediately? Why
I'm bleeding? Should I come in the back door? Come
come in the back door, sir, bye bye, Frank. Yeah.
(06:41):
I just want to say we love having you here.
The customers love you. If I love the customers. I
personally made love to three of the customers last week,
and usually that would be problematic, but not not with you,
and not here because you know they want it. Um
quick thing though, quick, too small, tiny, not even worth mentioning,
But I will just because go ahead, please. I enjoy
(07:04):
hearing you out. Can you not say when you answer
the phone that our products suck? That look look vaccine.
Of course I can. I'm here for the company as
much as the company is here for me. Okay, do
(07:27):
you understand what I say? I'm on, I'm on hope,
but I can hear you, and I feel weird. I
feel like I'm spying you. Can you can dropped the line,
but I don't want to hear anything. I shouldn't hear
Jimmy's vacuums where we no longer suck? Can I help you, ma'am?
You've made a quick adjustment on that note. I heard
(07:48):
you just gave me that note. Well, when I was younger,
my father told me to shut up once, and I
was quiet for eighteen years of his life. I listened
very well. Congratulations. What and I do for you, ma'am? Well,
I I'm just gonna I didn't know I was gonna say.
I love your voice. I had my throat replaced when
(08:10):
I was sixteen years old. Oh, I got a new
throat at thirty two. Oh what do you have any
recordings of what you used to sound like? It was
a hollow, wet I had the same thing, the ex
same thing. Well there, I don't sing like a nightingale,
but it's a lot better. Than it was. I used
(08:32):
to sing like a tsunami had an hour just to
laugh at that. I wish I did. But we were together,
naked together. Vaccine, thanks for just meeting me at such
short notice. You know, Jim's were all over the nation, right,
and people used to buy vacuums all the time, and
(08:53):
filters and uh and whatnot. But everything's moving online and
it looks like we're gonna have to close some of
our shots. But Vaccine store to one two, right, store too,
one two. It's a staple of the community, I know.
But no one's going to Barstow to get vacuums anymore,
so we're gonna have to Hey, fucking need this, man,
(09:14):
What do you know? Are you slipping me dollar bills?
It's not gonna just take this. This is just for you.
This is just for you. I don't need this dollar decision,
you know what I mean? Actually, I wish I could
keep it open, all right, but I don't have to
tell you. You guys made a decision on drinks. Yes,
I'll do the clamato please, fun choice. I'll have a
(09:36):
virgin virgin dacori, please, a virgin dacory for a little
pussy okay, we'll be right back. Um, Lena couldn't help,
but notice that you called a young gentleman ordering a
vision decory a little pussy. What you called him? I
heard you call him a little pussy. I don't I
(10:00):
think I would do that. I'm going to play back
this recording and then you can tell me if this
is your not hollow, wet voice we're hearing. Hold on,
I'll take the vision Jachary, okay, and a virgin race
for that a little pussy. I did hear that. I
(10:23):
said that. That was me. I'm going to slowly applaud you.
What I've been waiting years for a woman to come
in here and call someone a little pussy. You've done it.
Thank you, sir. I think you may have done more
than you realize you've done. I need you to go
over to Jimmy's vaccine. Tell him you're looking for the
(10:44):
I D S F immediately the I D S S. Okay, Jimmy's.
You don't know what it means. Go to the back door. Yeah,
this is Jimmy's vaccines. But we don't have anything called
an I D YES. I want to apologize. I I
got vaccinated for things I don't even know I can
(11:07):
have made I made a mistake. I met go to
Jimmy's vacuum. We got, we got Rickett? Do you want rickets?
While you're here? You can't hurt you know? Why the
hell did you go back to that vaccine place? Listen,
go to Jimmy's vacuum, vacuum, the vacuum, story vaccuum. That's
(11:32):
for the id SF right away, sir, Yeah, No, it
seems as though a lot of people are getting the
vaccines for ricketts, folks. The problem here is COVID nineteen.
I don't know how many times I gotta explain this
to you, question questions from the press. Yes, the gentleman
in the odd hat h h yeah, Henry and a
(11:55):
new bird. I'm from a new news Republic America only doctor,
and I say that quotes, Uh forget you? Uh? You
said earlier that if we if if there was, you said,
if I'm going to my notes here, that if if
there were, you're just looking at your hand. What what
do you yes? Right behind you? Dot Morocco at gmail
(12:15):
dot com. Do I have a question? Please? Why are
we living in a simulation? Fair question? And a lot
of people believe this all over this great country of Oz.
The answer is yes, right next to you, David Morocco
at aol dot com. Yep, YEPA will you come back
(12:36):
to me? Will you come back to me at at
David Morocco at David Morocco not the right place. This
is a junk. This is let's talk after question, question
question out question question questions, questions, question, question question, Let's
(12:58):
I'll take you a question from news crew. Hi horse
maremba news crew. Yeah. Dr Fauci, Yeah, Any truth to
the idea that having multiple vaccines from a storefront vaccine
store may lead to autism? Well, see, this is an
issue that was happening long before COVID. People were so
(13:19):
concerned about the connection between the two. There have been
a few isolated cases and then, uh, you know, Jenny
McCarthy's going retweet that. You know, you see what this
on the TV. You see that. Huh No vacuums, all right,
no vacuums in this house. Nobody, nobody's getting no more vacuums,
(13:41):
no more, no, no, get what all the vacuums out
of my goddamn house. You hear what you said? Yeah,
they gives you rickets vacuums give you rickets. I heard
it isolated cases my ass. Now listen, I've been Rewhite,
rewriting the Bible and rewiting it. All right, I agree
with rewhiting the whole thing. There were many of those
people from other countries with dogs. That's what I'm saying.
(14:04):
I say, look, okay, okay, now look now in there
in some of the writings that I've been able to do. Okay,
vacuums and satan m h. Come on, if you look,
scramble up the letters of vacuum, what do you get? Satan? Exactly?
Mr Morocco, thank you for coming in to see us. Now,
as you can tell, this is one cubicle in an
(14:27):
empty building. I am the last remaining A O L.
And frankly you are the last A O L active
email account we have now, Amn, Deman, I'm probably gonna
take myself out later this evening. Okay, you're gonna you're
gonna do with bleach low and slow, with like a girl, baby,
(14:48):
like a girl, you know? Can I be honest with you.
I only took this job to try to get my
wife back. She's over at the competition. I figured if
we could work to rebuild a ol bigger than ever.
She she'd finally consider me a man, even though I'm
smooth below like a like a ken doll. Mm did
you want to see it? That is scene one? Why not?
(15:28):
I mean it was how The involuntary answer I believe
for each of us was yes, yes, we would like
to see that. I'm glad you are too. Comes from
patron v P David, who wrote, hello, Mr poblic Yeah,
that's how I like to be preferred. You may know
(15:50):
me as deeper Kill illustration. Yeah, we love this guy
on Instagram. Thank you so very much for using my
last idea of Leonardo da Vinci's dead beat brother Chuck
da Vinci. Yep, genius improv is always why. Thank you.
You know, many artists need a muse to inspire them
(16:12):
to produce great art, whether it's music, writing, painting, whatever
they create, and I think I have found mine. Alchemy.
This is my muse and I can't wait to see
what they inspire me to paint or draw next. Though
it'll be hard to top come Face Network, Yes it
will hm hm For the record, Okay, I've got pleased.
(16:40):
I've got a few ideas here. The first one stunk everyone,
so I'm just gonna read you the second one would then,
by the way, the second one is another oddball. Um,
so here we go. Uh Alan Arkin has to fill
in for Santa Claus, who's hungover, who's out partying with
the alms the night before. Thank you all so much
(17:02):
for all you do. Okay, can I just have your attention, please,
just together, just for a moment, Santa. As always, there's
a lot of love in this room, and I'm crazy
for you kids, I really am. Yeah, Christmas is pretty
(17:22):
much the best. As you know. I'm filling in this year.
I'm gonna do my damnedest, but I'm depending on you
more than ever. Well, we know how things running around here.
And by the way, Santa always gave us a shoulder
of every night before we got to sleep. I think
I know what you're getting at. So I'm gonna bring
in fifteen Masseuses. What's the pearl from Massius? Is a
(17:45):
Messiah Massus? Messiahs is that what you say? Let's go
with Messiah's. I like the way it rolls off the tongue.
I always want to bring in fifteen the gonna rub
your shoulders. I just need you to work harder than
you ever had before, because I'm really secure normally don't
(18:07):
do this, but can you sign my copy of Ocean eleven?
You were so good? Matt? Please call me Alan. Yes,
I'd be happy to sign it. That's a very small
sharpie because it's right for you. Let me have one more,
Let me take one more place. Are you sure about this?
Don't you? Ohly ship Tim? Can you handle this guy?
(18:33):
He's been sitting here all night at the bar, and
my wife is waiting for me to get home. We
just have twins yesterday here, sir Tim, could you please
handle him for me? A thousand pounds? Man, I'm not
gonna go out and local news Santa Clause has gone mad.
(18:56):
He's destroyed an entire bar, saying that you're arms off
of me. To hell with Christmas. The elves all suck
and Mrs Clause is not worth the paper I paid
for her. Did you see this? You see it on TV?
He Santa Claus hamm it off his ass all right now? Listen,
I'm rewriting and rewriting the Bible a right now. Some
(19:16):
of these sections are gonna have heavy, heavy seen the
Clause influence. You know what I'm saying, all right, and
it is exactly what we're saying. It just makes sense.
It just makes sense. You hardly see any Santa Claus
in the Bible. And that's what I'm saying. You know
what I mean? You see oh yeah, but you I
don't get to see him in the Bible. That's why
I'm rewriting it. That's why I'm rewriting. You know what
I mean? Alan, Baby, what do you mean You're not
(19:38):
available the last week of December. This is a Christopher
Nolan movie. You can't do it well listen. As much
as I'd love to do a ridiculously long, convoluted film, Um,
I'm feeling in for a cousin. You know, he's he's
very big this time of year and he's outsick. What
am I gonna do? Your cousin? This is my cousin.
(19:58):
I know it sounds crazy, but the book book out,
book out, you know, because we had you avail, we
had to tell you. I'll tell you what you go
ahead and take the gig. Oh hello, Mr Clause, if
I may, I know you're just standing in for my husband.
(20:19):
But it's a very lonely time of year for me.
Is you can imagine right of course, yes, yes, yes, yes,
um do you know what it's like to be a
woman in your pride? Pole ignored, no matter what negligent
you may wear. I feel you're underlining the word pole.
(20:42):
Oh was I I can underline another pole? Elves you
are sleeping good. He brought an a messiah who's been
taking care of the sentence. Brought in the Messiah that
din't care of us, Alanackin. Brought in the Messiah to
(21:05):
give us all shoulder ups that we haven't very loose.
We had got a lot of titching. We didn't even
know yere. Messiah left his car behind shows Burke Williams.
Who is this Burke? You smell funny. Kiss on the cheek.
Give me a little kiss on the cheek, everybody, everybody?
(21:27):
Are you gonna give me kisses on the cheek to
night before you go to bed? Alright? Brian Sally Christmas Eve? Okay?
And uh, I'm sure you've heard just one second when
you said Brian, you're talking Brian with a y that's
(21:48):
me or Brian with the eye. I'm sorry, I just
don't know which I was talking to. Brian, you're Brian,
I'm yeah, I'm talking to Brian. Okay, you met me
when you said out act Brian, Sally, hold on one second, Brian,
can I can I talk to you in the room?
You say, Brian and Brian, I am. I'm sorry, I'm
talking to you. I'm talking to you, Brian, Can I
(22:11):
can talk to Hi? What the hell are you doing
being difficult? Yeah? Obviously, Okay, you're you're throwing up all
these goddamn roadblocks in my having I'm having issues. What
the hell's going on? My my g D, my g D.
(22:32):
Second job, I've been working for this the SPA Burke Williams,
and we've been busier than ever. I'm not getting a
lot of sleep. So when I don't get sleep, I
make trouble for other people. Brian, I know that, okay,
and I'm doing the best I can to make home. Sally,
(22:52):
get back in your room. Okay, sorry, Sally, Sally, did
you say Brian or did you Brian? With the wire,
I said your name, Brian. It's Brian and Brian Brian
after the shrip's fan. Yes, that's right. I'll go back
(23:13):
to my room. But I wish you wouldn't find I
wish you would stay here and here at this out.
If you've heard this much, I want you to hear
it all. Whatever you're about to lay in the mee
with and then you just lay into me with it.
But Sally's gonna stay and she's gonna hear this too.
I already heard language I shouldn't hear. Can you explain
again who Brian is and why he lives in our house?
(23:36):
You know, you know my my cousin's a famous movie star.
I'm paying you for your time, so you got to
talk to me. Yeah, buddy, Look, I'm just supposed to
drive you off with location. Guess guess, guess name is celebrity?
It's probably my cousin. Um bird background, close close, Hey
(23:58):
are you? Are you looking for a friend? I got
a lot of friendsmen. Oh nice? Oh hell yeah, that's nice.
That's nice. That's nice. Any of your friends have famous cousins?
A couple of them. One of them related to Robert
de Niro, Another one that Christopher Nolan. Oh, another one
Quentin Tarantina bred Pitt Do I tip you through the app?
(24:22):
But if you have cash? So you screwed with the
guy the whole time. You acted like you didn't know
who his cousin was I had no idea. It was hilarious.
The guy I was just I was just like, dude, like,
let me be difficult for one so nice during the holiday, right.
You know, I know a guy who's been difficult lately.
He hadn't been getting a lot of sleep because he's
been working at the Burke Williams. And he makes that
makes sense. Devation can definitely cause like you know, Alan
(24:45):
baby just doubling back. You're now you're getting an offer
for for an m c U movie. Just want to
double check you're not available that last week of December
when most things are shot. No, I am actually available
the entire last week. Just said we're starting. What is
the one? I'm getting cold? Who's Who's that on the phone, Allen? Oh,
(25:12):
it's just somebody here, so listen. Um what's the name? Okay,
it's Katherine. Um. So so take the gig. What do
you want from me? Take it? Answer is yes, you know, Dick,
Dick Crusted. I you're one of the best agents we
got and uh it sucks that you know, Uh, it's
(25:32):
gonna have to be shutting down some of our satellite office.
Is even Bartone. Well, I I've been the head of
the CIA Barstow office for for for thirty years. I
know Dick, but I'm sorry, Uh, it's we just Alan
Clause to change his last name to something more illiterateure
I am I look, please stop hand me dollars. That's
(25:55):
not gonna help. Look at all this money I'm making.
Did you guys decide on set or yeah, I'm gonna
need the Clomato The Clomato excellent choice set of a
virgin Long Island Iced tea covered in Long Island Iced tea,
the little baby bussy bit checking does she seem artistic?
(26:16):
I'm here to speak to Mr Williams. M hmmm is
that you? Hm? Look, m hmmm. I understand even spending
time with some special people, people who are very close
to me. I'm talking about, Oh oh you're that guy. Yeah, yeah,
(26:37):
I'm that guy. I'm that guy, rollerblades in that guy,
a basketball hope in guy. Please don't walk me through
your years. Don't walk through your years, your years, Mr Williams.
I brought you those presents, those years. What can I do?
What do I do? You're you're the big Messiah. Now
(26:58):
how do I make this right of me? I'm sick.
I'm fucking sick. Lay down on the massage table, okay,
oh oh it hurts to lay down. Oh. I'm going
to apply some of these oils gently to the area
between your shoulder blades. I haven't been, of course you haven't.
(27:25):
We've all overlooked the big man in these years, and
it seems like you've taken on a little too much
pressure from the world. No, no, no, so so I'm sorry. Uh,
Steve and Jim again, thank you for coming in um
to us first. But you're saying Santa Claus for he's
(27:46):
drunk and in pain most of the film. Yeah, yeah,
I mean, think of the think of this guy. He
got all these pressures, right, yeah, he's got all these
pressures that he has to uh do you know Santa
Claus and then Santa Claus to Santa These were very
successful family film. It seems like we're going a different
(28:10):
route here. And Mr and Mr Warner and your brothers
if if if I could just just just show you again.
So Santa, right, Santa Santa is a you say his name,
you're super happy. Yeah, that's people's experience. Yeah, totally totally.
But you know what sometimes sometimes, uh, this winter do
(28:35):
the bed. Take that again, we're gonna we're gonna add
music and start effects. You're not responsible for that. Just
read the copy. That's what I got. Hold Hold hold
my claim here was hired to make the music too, Okay,
And if he did that in the audition and he
played dirty eight bucks to come in and make the
wind sound, well he's the winter wind sound. Am I sorry?
(28:59):
That's good. I don't know what do you want me
to do? Look, my client here is supposed to make music.
When he says that, okay, that's what we agreed upon.
All right, that's what he's gonna. I'm ready, I'm ready,
I'm ready, I'm ready. Okay, don't don't outsource portions of
you and you're right you look all right, let's take
it one more time for the time this winter? Do
(29:21):
do do? Do? Do? Do Do? Do? Do? Do? So? All
these buttons here just record different things or how do
they work while the green ones are recording and then
the red one stops the recording and then fuck's side
(29:43):
of a spaceship. You know, a lot of my clients
they do vos now because it's hard to get in there,
and I do live action stuff. But as nice as
your studio is still popping and ropping. There's popping and
both robbing, Caroline, could you come in please? Absolutely? Apparently
someone has pushed the purple button and they used the
code word ropping. That's gonna be a big problem. Do
(30:06):
we want to get someone over there? Or do I
need to take care of this myself? Again? I can
get so, I can do it myself. If you want to,
let me have a have a swing at it. Um
if I make two words to you, absolutely, you're welcome.
You're welcome? You're we mad at each other? Or do
you respect me? Yes? Okay? So um hello. I was
(30:33):
told to come here to get a new um uh
international double suck filter. Welcome, Welcome to Jimmy's him, me
and some of my elf friends. We uh, we need
we need to get a new filtering filter. How many
friends are with you? How many friends? Um? The two
(30:54):
of us and then then there's a bunch of us
in the bad. There's a d us in the bad.
All right, I need three elves on each other's shoulder,
put on this long trench coat so it looks like
one guy with a tiny head and tightener little feet
go out the back. Door. Your new name is Maury.
You're gonna be living at one two three for one
Tiara Boulevard and bars Hi More. You're home late from work?
(31:15):
How was the office? I mean, I just want to
take a bath. It's not even Tuesday. It doesn't matter. Look,
I just need some time. Look, I'm good. Okay, I'm good. God, yeah,
it tastes good. It's just canny. Okay. Look, ma'am, at
(31:39):
any point in this relation and talk to the court,
did you realize that you were making love to three
different elves at the same time? Yes? And did you
at any point feel the need to stop making love
to three different elves at the same time? And spake
to the court truthful? And ma'am object? And what under
(32:01):
what circumstances? Sir? I guess the judge and ask I'm
very offended. Fuck me, I'll keep going with the didn't you? Yeah,
just a judge, But can you pressed him for some
specifics than so you tell me you got a script here.
(32:25):
Instead of twelve angry men, it's twelve angry mythical creatures
and they're all in the jury box just deliberating this case. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's a divorce case, right, and they have a twelve
twelve person jury. You see how easy? It just kind
of flows as a pitch. When you say it back
to me, it sounds like music. Well, look here at
the travel Channel, we're looking for original content. All right,
(32:48):
so we Alan, Baby, it's Dick. We've moved to Victorville. Uh,
they're they're checking your avail for twelve angry mythical creatures. Right, Okay,
well I think I'm a yes. The answers, yes, they're
gonna shoot on. Let me say you're back. I've taken
(33:11):
all the toxins out of you. Sen, It's time to
go back and reclaim what's rightfully yours, Dick, my my cousin,
miraculously recover and take everything you understand me take book
over book, double book, triple book, everything that came in
the answers, Yes, okay, okay, I'd love to walk on.
(33:31):
See if you can give me a walk on. Also,
my cousin's wife, who I'm extremely fond of from a
botonical situation, would like with like a small part and
two of the three offers. Okay, great, that on my writer, Okay, Alan,
arc is the holiday spirit? All right? That actually worked
(33:59):
for some reason that scene too. Yes, I say yes,
I vote yes three us from Martin, who wrote, Hey uncles,
thanks for all the work you do. Due to the
pandemic and the lack of my commune school grad school, well,
(34:21):
I fell behind on all my podcast. I had thirty
plus episodes of your show by mid June, and the
list kept growing every week. I'm happy to share I
only have five more episodes until I catch up. Ah.
I feel relieved. Also, I love all the guest speakers
you have brought to the show, as well as the
(34:43):
return of Vanessa Ragling auspicious. We have a guest speaker
and Vanessa with us today. Here's my scene suggest what
a sweet combo. After the Titan Fanos wipes out half universe,
the Avengers look for new recruits the upcoming fight. I
(35:04):
hope you have fun. Martin from Canada, the entire country.
I can, I can kick right, I can spend, kick
and spend. I've got a turtle turtle activation not can
do to myself what and so you're covered in a
(35:25):
shell at that point of protecting. It's a flesh turtle
activation that I can do to myself, just a fleshy
turtle part not the show. I wish I could say
now I do happy I haven't in danger, but if
I'm in danger, I can fleshly turtle activate in a
way that makes me a sort of very morally opponent. Uh.
(35:49):
I think it would be great for your crul and
I have a lot of fun. God knows, I'll have
a lot of fun. I'd love to travel. Um, you're in,
You're in, Okay, you're in. Do we have that? Uh? Telena,
I heard that you had your interview today with with
the group. So does this mean it's over with us?
(36:14):
Or how does this work? Now? Leslie, I'm almost enjoyed
our relationship. I mean, I like how you could chicken,
God knows. I loved how you could spend and activation.
I love just her activation, the soft part. I love
(36:35):
the ones that you are always worried, sort of targeted.
And I thought that the way you've been damned more
than most has always been so special for this is great.
But now you're telling me all this stuff and you're
you're off with the group to im, I'll go, I
gotta go save the world. I didn't think this common, baby,
(36:55):
I didn't say this common. I hope you to give me.
I can forgive you, but can you forgive me for
what I'm going to do in the future. Oh you'll see,
you'll Oh, no, dying, it went out a launder shut. No.
I mean I think, like in general, like my powers
(37:17):
you know, even though at the moment undefined could be
something that at any moment could develop into something so
powerful that it would be incomprehensible. You know what I mean.
You're in, Um, maybe I should be in. You know
what I mean? Maybe you're up? What Actually my powers
if you properly could be well me, hold on, hold
(37:42):
maybe wait, Oh, let's do this. I got a limo
business that I need to take care of before I
can officially joy it. All right, I gotta all right,
I gotta hand on some stuff on this side. I
got a cousin of mine, beautiful cousin of mine, My
cousins so fucking beautiful that I believe it's a heat.
(38:02):
And he's uh is he single? So you got in?
I heard? Yeah? I did, Yeah, I did. You told
him about to tell him about me and my spare jawntinus.
It was beautiful because I got Let's make sure those
tires are on there, Come on, let's go. Look, I'm
(38:24):
gonna I'm gonna be Uh is that mine? I don't know,
you don't know whose order that is, but I got too.
I'm too beautiful to look to the side. If the
world ever sees my profile, it's fucked. You realize that
I do. If the world sees what I looked like
side faced, it's fucked. Yeah, yeah, I got no keep
(38:51):
looking straight on. I know. Um, so here is the
deed to the Limo shop, and uh, all three keys
all right over there, So let me read over. Let
me read over the small print singing all three cheese. Son,
you're loving cousin. Yes, go ahead, So I appreciate you
(39:13):
just you're taking this on as I you go join
the the Avengers, you know, So good luck to your brother.
Thanks Daddy. Wake up, Dad, Dad, Wake up dad, Wake up?
What what what is it? Son? Look at it? Look,
look I've found something for you. It's you know, you're
having a hard time finding a job. They're saying, calling
(39:34):
all heroes. You're you're my hero. And I took this
off of a lighthule in front of the buddy. You're
just supposed to rip off, you know. One phone number
at the bottom. But I figured the whole sheet. Yeah, yeah,
you're my hero. Maybe you can make a living being here.
Oh buddy, you know, uh, you know that's metaphorical when
(39:55):
you call me a hero. I mean the Avengers actually
have superpowers and they you know, they fight, so, you know,
cosmic supervillains and saved the world. You know, so do
you you you saved my world? Well? Mom, I mean
I know half the university. Buddy, I'm right here. That
(40:16):
was a mean thing to say. He's not a man.
You're more than a man. You're more than a man,
all right, kid, if if yeah, I'll go through this
interview if that helps. Thanks vaccine, Hey, thanks for me
to me again. Uh you know, you know then more
(40:37):
than half of the population just kind of disappeared. Uh,
we're gonna be opening up the vacuum store back in Barstone.
This is what I needed, caer for your troubles. Okay,
it's a napkin. Uh so I appreciate. So yeah, I
want to let you know everything's good to go. We
(40:59):
shall have the same location available. Um, and did you
get the napkin? Did he pass the napkin off? Did
he give you the napkin? Yeah? Yeah, gave me, Give
it to me. I need to get the d NA
off of it immediately. Oh oh, I good words, I
use some of it? What do you mean I used
(41:19):
some of it? Did you realize that he has alien
DNA and you'd use the napkin that he had used? Well?
I mean I knew. I mean, you know what's going
to happen to you? Don't you? Come on? You realize
what's gonna happen? No? No, no, no, no, Hey, you
(41:41):
run the manage the vacuum store. Yeah, Jimmy's welcome, Jimmy's vaccine,
but we still no longer ship. What's going on? I'm dick.
I run the talent agency next time. I'm sorry? Did
you say vaccine? I'm sorry? Did you come? I just
wanted to say hi, you know, since we're all the
(42:03):
same strip mall here in Barstone, just just this vaccine store,
this vacuum store, in this talent agency. Oh sorry, it's
a customer. I was wondering. Those are kind of a
shell of a vacuum that you could put on my
body and also given a may or someone for a friend.
(42:26):
I'm asking, I'm sure of sucking power. Are you looking
for maybe a shell like the I d SF. I
don't know. I'm just going I've been talking about let
me and talking about the last word. I have a
turtal activation and I sort of have a overestimating stand back. Yep,
(42:54):
you've been a great you have been a great assistant manager. Uh,
but now is it my show? You who I read? Please?
That boy alien, I'm a bad boy, threw there's a
(43:16):
there's a purple light going off here? Is that bad?
It's Uh, there's a purple light. Is that bad? I
don't know if that's bad. Somebody pressed the purple light,
but I don't know. It's just going off. And I
just this one is yours? Okay, I don't mean, I
don't mind. Let me go to voicemails? Are you thinking thinking? Okay, Hello,
(43:40):
I'm getting a ship beat out of me. I don't know.
I have a purple button. I've been pressing this. Please help.
This is fantastic. We don't if you have representation, very
small agency. I just have one client. Alan like that.
(44:02):
It sounds like the turtle The turtle girl is saying
trouble or something. I don't know. Should I hang up?
Should I hang up? Thang it? Thang it like plane
tool to Birthstow. Excuse me. Yesterday I walked by this
poll and there was a piece of paper on that
with some numbers to tell off. And I wanted to
(44:23):
call because I have superpowers, but the paper is not
then and mold all right, I managed the pole, and
usually I know everything that's on the coal and I'm
usually I'm usually here to guard it, but occasionally I
take a you know, arrest, and this it appears this happened.
Sometimes someone took the whole piece of paper instead of
just tearing off the tab, and so that document is
(44:46):
not here any longer. Well, for what I understand, there's
trouble at the vacuum and or the Vaccine Talent Agency area.
And I know that I could go in there and
help if I could just get the number to Couties Evil,
so I can become a superhero and then go over
there help. But I think, I think I follow um,
(45:08):
and I unfortunately cannot help you at all because paper
with your car is on fire. Man, I realized that
it's trouble and Barstow, okay, buddy, he got to beds
your chances, your chance? What am I supposed to do
(45:29):
about that? Buddy, even you anything, he's not like, he's
not me. You're my biggest All right, uncle uncle Wayne's
sleeping with you, guys. Sorry about to go dead. Go
(45:55):
Are you still in the room, buddy? Yeah? Yeah, Dick,
you were always my favorite agent. And I just gotta
say your I got your your treatment for a new
m c U film franchise, Turtle Girl. That's um. Can
you tell me just to flesh out a little bit
more than what's in the treatment? Where's this going? Have
(46:15):
you written the Bible yet for Turtle Girl? Yes? And
I've whitened it as well. So I think the good
the reason Marvel bootes have been too diverse, where we're
gonna rewhiten Turtle Girl? Sure? Uh yeah, I mean I
felt like that treatment was pretty explicit, like it was.
It's it's about where MCU. We need ten ten Turtle
(46:40):
Girl movies. You've got about three here. Great? Great, So
so you're thinking ahead. That's awesome. That's what we do. Yeah,
there's no reason to green light one if you can't
do ten. We are live outside the I guess the
best we can call it as a strip mall where
they're the vacuum place, a vaccine place that day. For
(47:01):
lack of a better word, agent, I'm on TV. Look
at me. We are all looking at you. There is
apparently a dad who's about to enter the right I
guess for lack of better word, free our practice here
for lack of better word, Okay, what's going on here?
Make my son, buddy? There's a there's several aliens in
(47:23):
their uh turtle woman, and they are reeking what for
lack of a better word, have it, sir? I don't look.
I do not see. I don't see male or female.
I literally don't around for them. Okay about the whole
(47:44):
turtle thing. Hello, Hello, Hello, is this Times Square? I'm sorry?
I think I think you reached two different numbers that
the same. Let me hang up you the very big
(48:10):
TV screen in tenn square? Is that right? Yes, that's right.
Somebody else is on the line. That's a trend up. Now,
can you air a local station from Barstow? My dad
is about to prove to the world that he's a hero,
and I think the whole world should see it. You
mean you just picked up the phone. Some random kid
told you to put a feed in and you did it.
(48:31):
Are you kidding me? You gotta hear this kid's story. Bucks,
don't give the ship. It's a college football already saving
the town. And I'm Italian. It's unbelievable. It's okay that
alien cut me in half. Half. I'm trying to put
you back. Why are there? Why are they sing? I'm
(48:55):
not so buddy, we are still. I am now peeking
my head inside this local business here in Barstow. The
father has been cut in half, but for some reason
together halves are being held together. But they're still being
very active on the scene. Buddy, can you tell him, Buddy,
(49:24):
can you tell damn it the message he wants to
tell Buzzy? When did you say, Buddy? I love him
and I hope he's happy. I hope this is what
he wanted. That's funny. He wanted to kill his dad.
How funny he kills his dad. I'll tell him. Turn
off the TV. Mom, can't find the clicker. I'm sorry,
(49:49):
it's right here. I don't have a pillow, so I
was I was sleeping on top of the clicker. Still
a darkness inside of me rising up? What is happening?
What's up? Mom? You mean? I am but I've actually
(50:13):
been fair in eyes. I just even a cool uncle,
even weird, but even cool. You gotta do you get
two hots? Ye? Oh? Should? I forgot to plug back
in that thing with the purple button ship. Let me
get a hold and uh no, it's tough. Are you
(50:34):
gonna go ahead and announce as you plug it in? Yeah?
I mean I plugged it. It's just not beating anymore.
I thought the Uh I didn't know? Is that easy
to disconect the avenge of little button? I hate to interrupt.
I'm Dina Tina, and we haven't met yet, but I
think i've seen you in a Do you have a
very attractive cousin? I do, Yeah, Yes, I do have.
(50:59):
I just I saw this morning. I was on my dog.
I run a lot. I run probably twenty miles a day.
I'm very very thick. And I saw, I saw your cousin.
I saw his side face. You saw his profile. I
saw his side face. Oh god, we gotta get him
in here. We gotta get him. Is that me, cousin?
(51:21):
I'm trying to reach my cousin, that is Oh? Did
you hello? Hey? I was running beautiful man, Yeah, maybe
a little too beautiful. This morning I was out at
the Park. You know where the lake is in the
fish My cousin's cousin. Oh my god, it's his hot cousin.
Oh my lady saw my side face. You know what
(51:43):
this means, don't you. Yeah, that's the beginning of the end. Yeah,
it's more than that, buddy. The world it's fucked. Come on,
come on, man, it's already already lost. Three thirty five
of the treatments. You'll see that this is where Turtle
Girls seven crosses over with Santa Claus four, and that
(52:03):
there is a brutal graphic disemplagon. But what's that? That's
what page you are on. I told him three seventy eight?
Did I say three seventy eight? Said three fifty something?
I'm sure it was. We have Ellen Arkins attached already
(52:24):
as Santa Claus. This is why you work as a committee. Everyone.
Here's a different number. Were again outside that strip mall.
A little boy who apparently is made up of elves.
I'm not quite sure how that worked. Is now entering
the for a lack of better word, vacuum and or
(52:45):
vaccine store. I'll see if I can crawl inside so
you can hear what's happening That is Adam, Adam, I
think I think this. At this point, I'm just holding
together to Sam with this. Basically, this is not there
was this guy. I don't think this guy's with me,
but I don't damn, oh god, I'm like, oh, I
(53:12):
don't know. Are you buddy, Are you buddy? Tell buddy,
he's three elves, Tell buddy, he's three elms, No buddy three.
Apparently the little boy likes to work in silence, and
well he has now taken to kicking the aliens for,
(53:32):
for lack of a better word, kicking their asses all
over the place. And that's our show for today. Oh my,
two sandwiches together. Let's thank nobody. He's three elves. Oh my,
(53:55):
oh my, Let's go around and thank everybody, starting with
Vanissa Rock and thank you some. It's darling. Oh man,
oh man. We're so happy to see your face again.
And folks should go to the Dicey Typewriter calendar and
check out some upcoming shows. I guess yeah. We have
a lot of wonderful things coming up. We got wild
horses coming up and um a great January calendar, so
(54:17):
go to Dynasty Typewriter dot com. We also made a
calendar that I think could improve anyone's wall. I love
the October. I love the month of October of that
calendar very well. Yeah, yeah, make fan of that particular month. Yeah,
it's a great calendar. Um and um, should I have
received one. I'm incredibly grateful. I'm not saying I did. Um,
(54:40):
let's go. Also, thank Mr Gary Anthony Williams. Do you
have anything that calendar for March? Is there anything on
Mark at all? Or is it there's a bit, a
bit but not traditional. It's not traditional, Okay, okay, so
I'm looking for Thank you, Thank you, Chris Alvarano, Thank
you so damn much, and happy to do year to you,
to buddy, Happy New Year. Just I'm looking forward to
(55:02):
this calendar, if I can be honest, I'm sure I'm
in there somewhere. I'm sure. Yeah, you're gonna find it. Yeah,
of course. Yeah. Something about gift giving, I'm sure. Greigkowski. Hey,
it's one and not too much is going on so far,
but it already feels better and hopefully we can get
that vacuum out to everyone. I keep writing, I keep
(55:23):
writing ship hole on my checks. Um. I'm listening to
the Twelve Days of Christmas the podcast that finally popped
up on the second one. Now, yeah yeah, it's great,
super great, and and thank Carlos. We did to holiday
episodes for the Craigslist podcast, so you can find that
(55:44):
on Craigslist, peacast on Twitter. We watched twelve holiday movies
and twelve nights we being he and Carlos and I
love them both. Yeah so great. Uh speaking of not great,
Joey Greth, thank you so much for being here. Such
a pleasure, such a pleasure, so so much. And happy
new Year to you too, Happy new year to YouTube,
(56:06):
a new year. And I do want to say this
to all the below deck freaks out there. Just caught
the very end of the last episode and they're kicking
somebody off the charter. I mean what, that's all I know.
Until it's all I can tell you. Somebody's getting kicked off.
(56:26):
That's the practical place. That's also thank our producer and
engineer to the stars, Mr Debate. Fine folks that I
hurt media, And a happy new year to all of you.
This is your host, Kevin Pollock reminding you to be
kind to each other. Damn it. It's the easiest route.
And hell, wear a mask when you go outside, please,
(56:47):
Happy New Year from alcohol yeah,
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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