Someone surprised to win Oscar.

Someone surprised to win Oscar.

Maker of Snuggie pitches adding sleeves to more things.

Stand up act of 2 Germans and 1 goat.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode Alchemy. The scope of this show,
I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yest that Kevin. No, No,
I've not been vaccinated, as much as I'm desperate to be. Yes,
I'm sure you did. Just walk in wherever and they
put a shot in your arm, and you have no

(00:22):
idea how fucking happy I am for you. Let's meet
our chemist Shallery no particular orders. Say hello to James
Ceney Carney, Jim, have you ever hunted something or someone? No,
I've never hunted anyone or anything. I guess. I guess

(00:43):
I've got to add it to my bucket list. I
didn't even know how much I wanted to do that.
You don't need to add that to your bucket list.
That's well, I don't want to kill it. I would
just like to hunt it, hunt and then harm it
in some way. I'm guessing. No, No, but just just track. Okay,
we call that. Keep an eye on something. Following, Chris,

(01:06):
it's all right, yeah, you don't stalk please. And now,
Chris Alvarado, I've some the Blue Lagoon. When money is
truly no object? What kind of car are you splurging?
Fucking kidding me? To look at it every night before
I go to bed. You already have one. It's a
fucking Tesla, dog, It's a fucking tesla. And I keep
trying to tell myself that success isn't measured in things

(01:30):
that Craig Stockings don't affect me personally. Even though Kevin
has your dream car, it's Casualty has it, and it's
your full dream that that you're on your own path,
you know what I mean, You're on your own journey.
And so yeah, and I was technically fifty two when
I got my first one. It's fine, fine, No, no,

(01:57):
fifty two though fifty two come one, Okay, yep, it's
it's not it's not a great age. That's really old.
A friend of mine pulled him in one the other day.
I said, what are you bawling out of control? He's like,
I just you know, I figured I'm gonna splurt. He
just got the windows tinted. It look gore. I was like,
what the fuck? He said? He said, thinks five minutes

(02:18):
order one online. I went online. I'm like, I don't
have any thousand dollars. You know, it's just had. The
Patreon isn't going as well as I alone. Can I
do that? I'm gonna do that. Hey, well, thank you
for sharing. Hey there's Craig Kakowski. Kakao. Are you an
early riser and if so, what time do you rise?

(02:41):
And if not, what time do you rise when you're
on your own and no one else is in the house. Yeah,
that's a good question, because lately I've been woken up
by my aging chihuahua who has a bad cough, so
she usually starts coughing nonstopper of five am, so they
usually when I've been getting up. I was a night

(03:03):
owl from most of my life, and over the last
like ten years, I become more and more. I'm not
a morning person because I'm cranky and I don't like
to talk to anyone until about nine p nine. But
but I usually am awake alan average at six am. Yeah,
alone or together. I think he did just write a

(03:27):
joke though, So I'm just gonna make some notes here.
I'm not a morning person. I normally don't like to
talk to anyone's about nine pm. Um, what the hell
it's Caroline Connor dancers with wool. Have you been able
to console j low j Lo Jennifer Lopitt. Yeah, good, good,

(03:58):
good good. I was hoping something you would be able
to and last, but no more Jello if you think
him least it's Joey Greer last night's fish. What food
repulsed you as a child that you simply cannot get
enough of? Now? Oh? Oh uh? Think's going on? I

(04:23):
think it might have been. Um, that's a great question.
I know it's like something bitter. I can't coffee. I'd
say it's coffee, even though it's like it's put it
in the pantheon of food. Um. But and you just
wrote the name the Great a great title for a
new coffee shop. Something better, something, Yeah, I remember I
had it once as a child, Like Cubans love coffee.
So it's just all right, hey, dude, I'll say it, dude,

(04:46):
I'll say it. And the pork like dancing and music? Now,
all right, come on, a bird is canceled. At least
do a damn show. All of our scene suggestions are

(05:09):
gathered from listener emails or from our patron v I
p s to become a patron. Support of the show
and to enjoy exclusive content that no one else can
have also comes with the vaccine shot. Just head on
over to Patrio dot com slash alchemy this. If you'd
like to sumit a scene suggestion via email, please write
to the podcast your name here at alcumy this dot

(05:30):
com name here. See number one comes to patron v
I P. David the joho who wrote I thought I
pressed send on this, but apparently not. Welcome to old age,
my friends. Here's the scene suggestion. Someone is surprised to
win the Best Supporting Actor or Actress oscar because they

(05:54):
didn't know they were in a film. Also sorry, I
murder wasp. Scene suggestion lead you all to committing to
all those buzzing sounds, so I kind of enjoyed that. Um.
On the other hand, that whole episode was hilarious as usual.
By the way, have any of you seen my glasses?
David W in Boston? Pardon me, I'm about to do

(06:19):
this real quickly because I loved you. Because I loved you,
and I thought that wasn't enough, and you telling me
it's not enough. I'm sorry, Hey, I'm look where this
is a coffee shop. Anyone could do whatever, obviously, but
you guys have been rehearsing the scene over and over
for a long time. And it's just like really grading
on me right now. It's not rehearsal. It's not a rehearsal.

(06:39):
Not a rehearsal. And when breaking up and what we're
grading on you should affect us. How okay? Well, sir,
I found your glasses, did you? They were in the
toilet when I left it. They were in they were
inside the bathroom, and then they were not in the
where I left them. Thank you, Glenn, great name tech.
We're just gonna go ahead and finish break it up now,

(07:00):
if that's cool with you, my man? Yeah, you got it.
What were you saying? Sweeter? Because I loved you and
I thought you loved me. I did, And now that
I'm learning that the love is lost right from a
life coach. You're learning love is lost from a life coach.
I don't know. I fucking go on. I'm so sorry?

(07:21):
Um are you? Is this like a scene study class?
Is this what this is? Are we that bad as humans?
And behavior? From Boston? And I like my dream is
to be on the screen and I just like see
what's happening here? Like I want to jump in and
like I feel like you two are just like just again,
I feel the energy. It's like so rich and all that.

(07:42):
Let me ask you a question. Has somebody ever broken
your heart? I guess yeah? Can you imagine that person
on him, in in me, my face, me, in on you,
breaking up with you, after getting some thing on you? Um,
let's see. I guess can you move your eyes closer together? Oh?

(08:13):
My god? There he is? Well, Reggie, how are you?
You know? I'm okay. I guess you're okay. Well, I'm great,
you piece of ship? You know what? Screw this? Well?
That went very well. Excuse there's something bitter? I mean,

(08:37):
what's going on between the two of you? Um? I
mean it feels that way to him? Yes? To me? Yes, yes,
it used to be bitter sweet. It used to be sweet,
went to bitter sweet. Now it's a bitter well. I
think you know, as your relationship moves around the tongue,
I'm a I'm an epicurean uh love coach, And if

(09:04):
you've moved all the way to bitter uh that, then
it is probably time to call it quits. Time to
call it quits, time to call it quits. Vocal warm ups. Yes, yes, yes,
I anncate properly all right, And I tend to speak

(09:26):
too quickly, and he has problem understanding me and we
This is a big part of the problem. What do
you want is your mommy relationship? I ear relationships that
that's hitting all four quadrants of the tongue to mommy burger. Oh,
those are what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about,
this is what I'm talking about. I'm searching for the
you mommy. Hi, I'm sorry, I just heard you say searching.

(09:49):
I'm searching. I lost my piece of ship. Like it's
a piece of ship. I'm looking for it. Has anyone
seen it? I mean I I think we would have
noticed human ship. Dude, I'm telling you right now, this
is high quality human ship. All right now, I know

(10:09):
what you're thinking. You probably got enough ship already. But
like this one, this piece right here. I mean, you
smell this thing, alright, look that natural alright? Tucks hundred
hundred bucks. Tell me this piece of ship? Yeah, I
mean you google? Why not? Just you know? I mean,

(10:30):
just you know what I mean. It's a piece of
ship in a glasses case. Why are you trying to
I don't want this, dude, the glasses case. Come on
that that comes. I'll take the glasses case. Um, Hi,
I'm the manager at Something Bitter and I the coffee
shop on island, and I am here to pitch. I'm

(10:53):
here to pitch. You obviously, are the head of this studio,
and I'm here to pitch a project. You're gonna know
where do I How do I start? Well, I say,
start by taking a seat in the leather chair there,
And did you bring a portfolio? I brought. I brought
a sizzle real sizzle sizzle. Yes, this is a VHS tape.

(11:15):
What do you What the hell am I supposed to
do with this? Well? Um, I brought that in case,
I figured, okay, I also have it on my phone.
Now what you're gonna see is a found footage of
sorts projects. That's that's a fairy. That's okay. Can I
can I hold your phone? I'd rather you didn't. I'll
just hold it up for you. So that's pretty small.
So if I can't get my face up close to

(11:36):
it as soon as I start when I pressed played,
So I have a found footage coach. But these are
all actors, um, all Union actors. So I think it
could be submitted for all the festivals, including submitted to
the Academy for Academy Award. I'm sorry, you're telling me
that you have found footage of a whole bunch of

(11:57):
Union actors. Yes, I gotta see this. I gotta give
me that phone. Let me see that. Fine, hold the phone,
just don't don't swipe anywhere. It's Oh my god, who
look at that? I know? So she so she had
just lost her husband that morning, that morning. That's devastating.

(12:17):
This is a person's private, human life. But she's also
a SAG member. That's the actors she on her dues. Yeah,
she's okay, that's okay. I look at these were here.
So look at those two right there. Oh my god,
people filming them. It's just legal. Well but they you know,

(12:38):
under SAG number one Golden rule. Uh huh, leanne. Look,
there's not much I can do with you. Okay. The
legal is pretty clear. You are a SAG member and
this is CCTV footage within your own home. I understand
that it's your ring camera on your own system. But
you're SAG, so they can't use this footage as any means. No,
I don't think that is not that's never been in issue,

(13:00):
you know what I mean. It's like, who is doing this?
Who is doing this? I don't expect you to understand
the stuff. You're an actor, Okay, it's okay. Just calm down.
You want some milk or some milk. Milk is the
only thing that can calm me down. So get me
some milk. Please? Can we get some milk? Please? Do
you want that pulpy or non pulp? Yes, I want
chunky milk, season pulp milk. And the best thing you

(13:23):
can do right now is just ride this out. Okay. Now,
look a shift? Did you wait? No? Stop, don't go
to your shift. I'm an actor. I pay my sag dudes,
I go on auditions. No one books me for anything.
And now you're telling me people want to produce the
CCTV footage of me? Would not just you a whole
bunch of people. Apparently it's going tons of all these actors.

(13:43):
All right, it's not reality TV. The Oscar nominations are
out and something Bitter found footage the movie Cleaning Up
with fourteen nominations. Uh. Then, if you're not familiar with it,
this is CCTV footage of Union acts breaking up, making up,

(14:03):
drinking coffee. Um, it's got an a nomination for Best
Original Song from j LO. That's Jennifer Lopez nominations in
all acting categories. I'm here with the owner of the
coffee shop and the credited director. Uh tell me your name, sir,

(14:24):
Eli Funk? Okay, great, because it wasn't on the movie
anywhere and I couldn't find it IMDb. I'm I'm just
now petitioning to join the d G A um, so
I'm not, you know, so I kept my name off
the project like officially professionally. Fourteen knoms today, including for
Best Sound, which is interesting because the sound is just very,

(14:47):
very tinny and distant but real. Right, so people spend
thousands millions of dollars trying to recreate the sounds of
real life. Right fully, arcist, what have you? I just scuppered.
If you just let this sad speakers in the coffee
shop do the work for you, You're good. You're good. Now.

(15:09):
I've heard that of the uh twenty eight credited actors
in this movie, only three of them have found out
there in it so far. Yes, that's right, and um,
mixed emotions, mixed feelings from their part. But that's what
art does. That's what art does, and at the end
of at the end of the day, I said, you're
in a movie. Now, it's possible the ones that don't

(15:31):
know just have not paid their dues yet and maybe
they're not current with the union. That's that's correct. Um.
So we are reaching out to them individually, uh to
make sure that they are up to date on their dues,
but also recognize that they have been nominated. No, you
meet them in a movie. What, Glarry, You're in a
film and you're nominated for an Academy Award. The hell, man,

(15:53):
I haven't talked to you forever. Man, hold on one segment. Look, dude,
this is a nice piece of ship. It's a nice
piece of ship. I'm on the phone. Give me a second.
Al Right, what what's going on? What what do you
mean you're talking to me now? I am Yeah, okay,

(16:13):
So you're in this film and then this morning it
was announced were on it for Academy or congratulations. I've
got uh meetings lined up for you. One at CIA,
which is where? Yeah, where can I go? I got
some from the sellem. Well I told them that you
weren't available. That's the way. Let me go, man, I
got I got some. If we both know you're the

(16:37):
very definition of available, but you tell these people that
you're not in order to drive up interest. Now, Cia
can just relax their crack. But I can get you
over at Warner Brothers today at noon, Henry. Let's do
it right. I mean, I'm I could walk there now
to you. The way to get there, yes, so the
way that these meetings generally work as you just kind
of we love you already, we love you. We all

(16:58):
here want to sign you, produce your we love you,
so just um, don't talk about that. Stop trying to
sell us, Stop trying to make a spice things. Okay,
Well I got I mean I got some ship. I
want to sell you outside of the room because honestly, distracted,
you're not gonna get this away from my person Alright'm

(17:19):
not gonna from we haven't. Um, I don't know if
you saw. Maybe our assistant didn't do her job. We
have a restroom in the lobby. It's part of the lobby,
so now I know how the sports just trying to
steal my ship. You're gonna come in here just snake
my ship out of We're not snake anything out snake.

(17:41):
I don't know where you got that from this is
my ship. I'd like to talk to Eli. I don't
really need to order any coffees. ELI is ELI available?
Somebody call me? Somebody called for me. Thank you, one
said give me sorry, just give me one. Yes, no,

(18:04):
I want the studios there, I want coverage. Hello, Yes,
I can help you. Hi. Hi, Hi, I'm James Heeney.
I paid my I just I just paid up. I
just paid my dues. And this is a little receipt that.
What's this in regards to I'm so sorry I got
cut out of the film. I've been coming to this
coffee shop since before the shame. I have many different
projects in various stages of development, you know the one

(18:28):
that already aired. Something bitter I was. I'm sure I
got cut out of it, but I just wanted to
show you. Maybe there's a director's cutter. Well there is. Now.
Let me ask you a question. How did you sign
your contract? Was it ceremoniously by any chance? Was there?
Absolutely yes, it was a big deal. It was very ceremonious.
Theial a special pen. I used the tom Cruise pen,

(18:52):
and I wore the robes, and I there was candle lights.
And you say that can you say that whole thing again? Slower?
You kind of look over there to your left. I'll
cue you up again. Were there any special pins? Of
course there was this, Vans. We have some breaking news
apparently uh in this fantastic uh alive funk guys, a

(19:17):
new hit movie. There's a deleted scene apparently has been
going around YouTube, and it is insane actor James. He
need apparently admitted to some kind of a cult ritual.
I don't know you have, Vans. I mean, this is
all the information I'm getting. But are we thinking that
James is gonna be canceled? I mean it looks like
I mean all of the cases, yes, I mean just

(19:38):
the cold practices in general. Who knows what he was
sacrificing for what purposes, what kind of portal he was
trying to rip open? In my book, that's a no note. No,
we um, we're not trying to make a competitive movie
with you. We're police officers, so we need the footage
for evidence and so and so answer me this, send

(20:00):
to me. This is that not a camera on your chest? Yeah,
it's a body camera? So you also an artist? No,
I'm a police officer and I've got into a lot
of trouble before, so I have to wear a body cam. Okay,
I'll have you know. I was after us, I was
grandfather into the process. I don't care. I don't care.
I don't know what sag means. But you keep yeah good.

(20:30):
And I'm gonna get in trouble for that later too,
because I got the damn body count. I mean yeah,
I guess whatever. Look, Mr Scorsese, this is all fun
and dandy, but I'm just trying to get my ship
so old, all right, you know it? So let me
tell you something. It's incredibly so would you mind wearing
this body cam? I call it a tip cam, but

(20:51):
I don't want to get canceled. Do you want to
mind wearing this? Yeah? Sure, you got it. Yeah, I
mean whatever. But now you can shoot me talking to
you as I'm directing you in the picture. That's a
whole other thing that I can sell to the studios. Yeah, welcome,
walks around my office. Let me see how comfortable you look. Yeah,
it's not great. It's not great. No, I don't feel good.

(21:12):
I remember when I'm here on the red carpet with
Oscar nominee, Larry de Mellow and Larry, what are you holding?
I'm holding right here, just a nast piece of ship.
And that's what I thought. I cannot hear piece of
ship one more time. That is the end of seeing.

(21:35):
Oh my god, what is happening to my face? Seen
two comes from from Well who wrote up Alchemists. I've
been seeing Craig everywhere these days in the shows i'm watching,
not like from the Business or anything. Most recently I
saw him for like four seconds Center commercial. I'm pretty

(21:58):
sure he had a snuggy and a boyfriend. I don't know.
It all happened so fast. Anyway. My scene suggestion is
this the maker of Snuggy the blanket with sleeves pitching
adding sleeves to more things. Craig is my dad. Will

(22:21):
uh just a second, can I say, Who's who's calling Jeremy?
It's Jeremy, Okay, Jeremy, Jeremy Lukas. Sorry, that's the last
name limb Kiss lud Kiss, Jeremy Stephen lud Kiss. Okay,
I'm okay. Can I put you on a brief hold

(22:43):
on Jeremy Stephen Lucas Junior, And yeah, I can be
at hold. I'm just gonna make sure he's available to
talk to you. Okay, thank you, Okay, fuck me in
the eyeball like me green, Hi, Carl, I'm sorry to

(23:03):
bother you. Actually it's still me and I heard it's me.
Jeremy Stephen Lukas Jr. Are Are here your eyes? Okay, yes, Jeremy.
I'm so sorry. It's been a really tough day. My
my dog woke me up at five with cramps apparently,
and I had to take him out for another five

(23:29):
am walk and uh, you know when you know what?
He just pooped. He pooped into a pair of sunglasses
I had, and everything's fine. So that's been my day.
And now you have lots of names and I can't
seem to hear any of them. It's Jeremy Stephen blood kiss.
But if you just say Jeremy, I'm sure that that's enough. No,

(23:52):
like when Jeremy calls. Okay, I want everyone to be professional,
all right. He's ononderful biggest clients. All right. Now we
know the success of the Snuggi Again, he has some
idea everybody sucks. Its weird. Yeah, I know it sucks too,
okayle Genius sometimes comes in strange packages, all right, And

(24:13):
I'm tired of that excuse, by the way, so he
gets to come in here and run him up because
he's a genius, because it's a thin line between genius
and crazy. Well what if it is acting crazy? Huh?
What if I is acting crazy? Car to bother you
and your team. But Jeremy is here, he'd like to commend. See,

(24:34):
that's that's the genius of him. You don't know if
I'm a genius or not. Do your cute test and
you got like fifteen, very very stupid. It was from
the i Q official place, the fifteen Carl, Can I
send Jeremy? And now I don't think it's cool by

(25:01):
the way, that everybody in the office knows each other's
like you scores, thank you, And I don't think they
should be posted on the wall. What's easy for you?
We all know how smart you are, us the opportunity
a little crazy. Okay, coffee or water? Yeah, I'll have

(25:24):
coffee and water. I'll have coffee and water. Okay, Hello everyone,
this is Jeremy's had one great idea years ago. We
took it all the way to the bank and now
you know he's he's here for his annual meeting to
pitch us more things with sleeves. Well, honestly, that's what
my original intention was. But there was some serious unprofessional

(25:47):
behavior by the phone receptionist. So I figured I would
just come down and talk to you, and the door
was open when I heard you all talking about how
much you hated Jeremy, Steve and Lokas JUNR. So now
I'm a little upset with the whole team. O sir
hole Mr is just just a clear exact the stupidest

(26:07):
number right here said that. Okay, So so just to
be clear, that wasn't the No. One really defended my
honor very much. And the receptionist talked about sucking his
own eye ball. I could still hear him on the phone, okay,
has anything to do with you? Also, sometimes it doesn't matter.
I asked for a professional relationship, and then after I

(26:31):
called him out on it, they started talking about how
his dog took a dump that morning. Are you gonna
unveil that? That easel? It depends on how your attitudes
go forward from here. A very smart guy. A smart
guy doesn't share his great ideas with people that don't
really respect him. How smart are you? Like? What are

(26:52):
we talking about? Number one? Ven? I slightly above average,
but it is above ambranche. And so that's what was
your guys is like Q okay, okay, that means that

(27:20):
means I'm crazy because I'm on the other side of down. Okay, okay, Well,
so here's what I was. This is I'm just gonna
open up the easel. You guys have won me over again.
And you know how popular snuggies have been in your
home and in cuddling scenarios. But what if I told

(27:42):
you there was formal snuggy were Let me just it's
like a suit jacket, but it's the material of a
snugg ee and and it's got legs, which are the
it's got well there, it's like it's like sleep eaves
for your legs pants. Yes, the pitching that you're adding

(28:06):
more sleeves to things, You're taking things that have slaves
and making them more like blankets. I'm sorry, you're talking
down to me from a genius level. Could Zack please
explain that to me? What's what is what is going
on here? Yeah? He just saying like we thought you
were gonna do one thing, you did another. Well, there,

(28:30):
I understand Zact very well. What I'm saying is these
are what you would consider leg sleeves. And for three payments,
you right now can get your own formal snuggy wear
right off the rack, right into your house. They got
three sizes, all sizes fit everybody, the fantastic. You can
take it anywhere, you can take it onto a plane,

(28:51):
you can take in fact, I told you about how yes,
I wore this to the met gal And that's the
costume that I'm sorry, the snuggy that I'm wearing right now,
I called a conte. I feel so freaking fabulous in it. Well, yeah,
the theme was comfy, cozy, and it is and that's
exactly look happy you are there, I am. Yeah. And
so um, this is a splash shale. It's only going

(29:12):
on for one one. Okay, we have a call. Let's
put him on speaker. Hello, you're calling Snuggy Snuggy snug
I just want to say I think the suit looks great. Also,
tell us tell us a scoop about YouTube. Oh well, um,

(29:34):
this one got past, this one got on air. So um,
we're just both co hosts, you know, to co host.
You know we kiss, No, we can't kiss. We look
siblings that we look like siblings we kiss. Yeah, we
look like siblings and we know that. Wait, you look

(29:57):
like what can you hear me? Thank you? Okay, hey,
thank you too for coming in to see me today.
I know it's never a fun trip down to HR.
I don't know why they always put us in the basement,
but here we are. Did you do? Did you? Are?

(30:19):
You trying to cover the smell, but you're trying to
make it worse because it smells like it's a new
smells candle. Something awoke when we opened that door and
it took what's kind of glorious that everyone that comes
down here to see me gives it a different name,
and I'm I'm still searching for the perfect one. So
your thoughts are a cat I do? And is it

(30:42):
still alive because it smells like a die? They're both alive? Yes, yeah,
I mean they Okay, So let's get back to YouTube
for a second. A couple of things regarding your last
live appearance on tell them. I am, I I am
seeing what looks like black mold right up there in
the corner. Oh look at that. And I'm sorry, my

(31:05):
my shoes are wet and they were dying when I
walked in the room. So that's interesting something to keep
in mind my ankles. Hey Jeremy, it's it's me, Zach.
Oh my gosh, Zach, what are you doing here? Sorry?
I know I should have made an appointment. And no, no, Zach,

(31:28):
I care a lot about you. You have a huge
gate and you have them up. Yeah, I mean rich. Well,
of course I'm rich. I created the Snuggies. Actually I
lied about my i Q. It's only eleven. Put the
extra one just to get people to give me the

(31:49):
time of day. That makes you? What? That makes you
smarter than those kids? Right? I know? Have you considered
putting a one in front of your fifteen? What would
that do for me? Doors that they give you one?
I Q, that's what it would do, Zach. Well, Zach,
that's a fantastic I mean, I love the private sector,
all right. Uh, and I'm also this is the job

(32:12):
offer for the private sector as well. Warner Brothers loves
people from different different businesses before they come in. Right,
and if you're going to be a producer here, if
you're gonna be one of the big dougs, we just
gotta know what's rck you. Oh please, no need to
ask that. I have to oh, it's okay, thank you.

(32:34):
If you must know, it's wait, is it put the
one before, put the one after four? Or put one
after it's one five? What? Oh? I thought you're gonna
say fifteen for a second, d hundred fifty? What sack?

(32:59):
That's what one five one is? Right? Wows o bows os,
you're crazies. I speak that language too. You know we
got a new project. Actually there's a director eli funk.
I don't know if you know who. Just want a
big dog, okay, big dog, let me you know he

(33:21):
just you're smart. I'm I don't you know, I'm honestly,
I'm kinda shook. But do you ever think about adding
a one after it? And what that would do to you? Okay?
So if I could just so caush you two back

(33:42):
up a little. Um, we're okay with siblings. It was
really the conversation right there. Thank you, Steve. If you
could just come back in yep, thank you. Um. Yeah,
that things dripping, there's so much conversation that it's dripping

(34:02):
onto my face, my mouth, my mouth. I'll be floor
on the wall. I've just got to sprayish wall stone. Holy,
don't march me. I'll be all of the word. So, Steve,
the problem really occurred when you, Uh, how should I
put this? Went for second base on air? Um, it

(34:28):
was on my person. I did it to myself, so right, Yes,
I didn't suggest otherwise. Still is such a funny way
of putting it, Vans. I'm very happy to be on
your show. You're like the cooler TMZ for insiders who
know what the scoop is. Well, it's great to have you.

(34:49):
It's great to have you. Sorry, I was checking my messages.
It's okay, thank you for having me on. You obviously
know I'm a very important person with very big projects
and very smart. You know. Uh, one of the more
you know, genius people, an idea person working on in Hollywood.

(35:11):
Right now, tell us about siblings, your new project. Yeah,
so siblings, um, come from a real life interaction that
happened on real life air. So siblings are people who
are have the same parents and also multiple personality disorder. Right,
and that's the scene too. Seen three comes to us

(35:34):
some Patreon alcmania Nicholas Makauer, who wrote Hi keV the Chef.
In one of the previous episodes, Craig asked us fans
to get some cheddar going on Reddit to promote the
show Food for Thought by Craig Craig the Kakowski. He's
the funny one, I say, unsurpassed with battling with cheese

(35:55):
related sentiment, A giant of utter brilliance and incurred anyhow
seen please stand it? Backed by two Germans and one
goat takes Broadway by storm best Nicholas. We're going to
see the act at some point. Yeah, just the goat.

(36:19):
We just need to get the goat right and when
with that security stop us from bringing the goat in.
So we just need to get that. If you better
get our goat inside, why don't you just pretend? Yeah,
how much is the goat really contributing houdibly? I mean,
it's a lot to go so much I can pretend

(36:42):
to be a goal I took a movement. I was
I was gonna say that for myself, and now you
said it first, so I guess that you're ideas. So
now you're on Broadway. Okay, Kenny, are you mad at me?
He's mad at me? First? Just a freaking idea that
was sounded like a dog opening or maybe some kind

(37:09):
of I'm sorry, listen, this production has brought a lot
of stress to the entire production team here. Okay, I'll
be the first to say it. I know you guys
are a smash hit all over the world, but this
is Broadway, this is New York City. Okay, okay, should
we do something? You know, you guys are great, You're

(37:30):
doing great. Um, I just need a second to take
a second. And that was okay. Uh, Fellas, We're gonna
let Lydia do the goat part, and then I don't
know that we can have Lydia be the gold Why not,
let's try. Don't see what it's like. I'll get on

(37:50):
all fours far because this is what I'm talking too.
Does no one know what the goat is? This is crazy?
That man is makes just sound like a dows opening
and you're going to park like a dog. Just okay,
bar the goat scream? They scream here. That's not a

(38:16):
goat sound. It's like a siren sound. Okay, let's get
everybody alright, production, Let's get ready. Let's get places where
gonna go. Teas and bees. Okay, teas and bees, that's
tops and bottoms. Everybody noticed that. Yeah, okay, that's for
everybody here. That fellow, Bay, I just need a little
bit of the act. Yeah, but the goat is a

(38:38):
huge again, this is you know, we have a huge
I'm ready to go. I need to talk to my
partner for a second before begin. I just talked to
talk about this specifically, how much of the act is
the goat not speaking? And can we see even if
it's a minute, can we see that gunta the whole

(39:03):
time the goat is talking. I wish they would just
let us bring the goat in. The goat is a
really big part of it. I mean, I don't think
BP here if it wasn't about the are we talking
to YouTube? Apparently the goats the fucking star of the show.
Good luck looking with the fucking goal because well, the
ones trained goat, I bet you you'd get in real
big trouble. And first of all, this is a conversation

(39:23):
with me and my friend, So maybe listen. I understand
that you are customs, Okay, you are this whole thing
and whatever. I'm a Broadway producer. Does that mean anything
to you? Uh? Yeah? Yeah, I mean I I see
some Broadway shows. You don't you know what's the last

(39:45):
show you saw? I like the jukebox musicals. Yeah, those
are those are important. Those are important. I took my
daughter to say beautiful the Carol King's Story, Oh yeah,
oh yeah, yeah yeah. So I imagine, imagine you were
going to see a production of Jersey Boys. Let's say, okay,
but one of the one of the four seasons, Frankie

(40:07):
Valley in the four seasons, big fan, So what if
Frankie Valley wasn't there, but the show still go on? No? Well,
I mean it's a guy playing Freaky Valley. Is that
you're saying? Well, what I'm saying is this goat Frankie Valley.
I'm just saying the goat. Is this acts Frankie? You're

(40:28):
giving out the Tony Awards right now? Yeah, I got
the Tony. I thought you said Burtis not Burtis. No,
I mean you can know too. I mean, I'm screaming
into the void here, but I'm talking to Curtis Burtis
to Burtis. Enjoy your break, man, I don't know. You
guys always talked about the best stuff when I'm on break. So, Burtish,

(40:53):
you have two hours for luncheon. You just hang around here.
What are you doing? Damn thing? What do you say?
What do you say? Can I get that goat? Can
we get Richie Valley the goat out of there? Well? Look,
every farm animal that crosses into this country has to
undergo a mandatory two week quarantine. Well what what if?

(41:16):
What if this goat made you laugh or made you cry?
This is a performing goat? Well yeah, yeah, have you
so reasonable about this? I love this. I mean I'd
rather laugh than cry, to be honest. All right, Okay,

(41:38):
so you want some light some light material that you're saying, yeah, okay,
I'll tell you what. I'll give this got thirty seconds
to make me laugh. And I'm not talking just like
mild chuckle or a smile. I'm talking to belly laugh. Okay, okay,
all right, I'm unlocking the cage. Okay, Well, let me
get his his two is partners, gentlemen, gentlemen, Wait, so

(42:00):
he needs the partners in order to be funny. I
just want to make sure he's saying, no, he's got it. Okay,
all right, releasing goat cage. Hey, tough guy who works
here and customers, you're a badass. What do you think

(42:23):
of me? He sounded just like William Shatter that's incredible.
Did you say We did not say Paris, We said shatter.

(42:46):
Take your break. Okay, um, how many room? How many
beds did you need in this room? I um for
going to need um two beds and then like a
bail of hay, bail of hey, terrific, enjoy your day.

(43:08):
If we don't even know that work room. I was
going to the ball boy that can bring a lugga
up stairs. Hi, sorry for the delay. Can I help you?
Gentlemen the front from the front desk manager got you

(43:28):
get out of here, you freaky creep. Just sorry, No, no,
there's this pervert who wants to know how many how
many beds people in the room? Okay, everything security, security,
stop that PV that coat. Okay, Well we gotta get out.
We've got to get downstairs. First, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't,

(43:53):
don't don't. Which way do you go? World, I'm going
you're working too many jobs. I thought it was a
break here security, You're not a break. You're working on

(44:15):
what's going on in God? Just stolen? Please? Okay? Which
way did it? Though I don't speak the speaking English,
curtise German actions and my partner has some of Norwegian German.
I don't understand a word coming out of his. Seriously,

(44:39):
you don't just speak any other language. I speak twenty
other languages. I work in customs, thank you very much.
But that's how it goes. So you'd understand me if
I spoke German. Got me through a moment, got to
go New York City, Go to New York. See that's
a cab. I'm walking here. That that's stereotype. I wanted

(45:06):
to Okay, this is my apartment. Goat. Yeah right, it's
a little baby. What are you doing here with the gun?
Will you marry me? Yeah? And you want me to
wear this goat on my finger somewhere. I don't mean

(45:31):
they interrupt, but she's fine. You couldn't take a fucking walk.
That's hilarious. Arious, okay, so funny. So who was that?
I think you should leave. I think you should leave.
This goat seems like he has personality, he has style,

(45:51):
he has class. Who are who is that? Okay, honey,
I can't promise this will be as good as beautiful
the Carol King's story. But two Germans, one goat is
the hottest ticket in town. And you know it was
a free gift I got at the customs desk. So Dad,
I'm just happy to spend time with you, honestly. Yeah,

(46:13):
going okay with your Sorry, guys, this is about to start.
It's about this start. That's the boy that hasn't started.
My God, please Jesus fucking Christ. Going okay with your
your mom and your stepfather. Yeah, everything's great. They're actually
like planning this whole two months trip to Italy and whatnot,

(46:36):
so it's it's gonna be really exciting for them. It's
their tenure. Anniverse to two German one go at the
forty second Street Theater. We can't go on. We don't
have a goat and don't know what to do. Maybe
we should take that girl up and being the bark

(46:58):
and silence the show, right, This is just like the
pre show announcement, so I can keep connecting with my daughter.
Ye connect I can't, That's what he said. I don't
wrote street wrong. You're talking to freaking loud. The announcement
that the people do before the show starts, like sound

(47:19):
your phone, stop talking, unwrap your candy. And now I
don't know what to do. I don't know how to
do because I couldn't here because you guys are screaming
in front of me theater, that famous Broadway theater. Not
the same when you say a piece of ship. Well relax,
shut the funk up, you young bitch. The show alright,

(47:43):
that is literally our show today. I just think the
listeners are much better off never seeing this show. Let's
take all of our alchemists. You're starting with the fabulous
Caroline Cutter. Yeah, thank you, thank you so much. How's

(48:04):
the podcast going that you were? Sure? Um, pretty bad
and kind of crazy, so you guys should listen to it.
It's called Carter core m. It is called that yep, okay,
and please enjoy the rest of your Wednesday. Thank you. Yeah,

(48:25):
Chris Alvarado, how's your new podcast going? Great? Really fun? Um? Sure,
I think who knows? Right? Yeah, that's that's right. There's
no way to find out. No, um. The comedy is
the name the Comedy Fix, Comedy Fix where I want

(48:45):
to think? I wanna listen to the Carolines podcast today. Yeah,
apparently it's really hard to find, but yeah, good luck.
I need to find that. I can hit up Joey Joey. Yeah,
he's got the deets for me. M I hope you
speaking of Joey, thank you. How's your new podcast going?
It's great. It's actually a combination of Caroline and Chris Is.

(49:08):
It's the comedy core and uh we get down right
into the mix of stuff that we don't really give
a shit about and uh yeah, who cares? It's great.
Who gives its great great pitch? So yeah, what's that stitcher? Yeah,
he'll be with you in a second. James Heeney, thank you.
How's your new podcast going? My podcast is going really good.

(49:34):
But if if it's not too much trouble, I'd like
to promote something that's not a podcast. Well it is
a podcast office, but it's our podcast. April, it's five
thirty Pacific time. We're gonna be in the Austin Sketch Fest. Now.
I'm sure that Austin Sketch Fest has amazing other shows
that you can check out, and I suggest that you do.

(49:56):
But on aprim a big time helped me. This is
going to be doing a live show. Yeah, it's our
first second, excuse me, second festival. Yeah, uh yeah, very
cool and thanks that helps me. Segway right to the
fine fellow who brought us to or we'll be bringing

(50:18):
us to Austin. That's right. I got the show biz
connections literally wire to get us into a midsized comedy
festival in the midsize city. Yeah. Also one jab down,
one more jab to go by the time this podcast
come out, and would have gotten both facts. And so

(50:42):
happy for you man getting the fights are in the
one arm. Darn in the think it works that way,
j J up to Schnooker. All right, well let's uh
tell our producer and engineer of the stars, Mr Doug Bam,
how much we missed him. I'm hearing a horrible echo,
so I definitely missed him. And for those of you

(51:05):
who joined us, thank you so much. Please tell everyone
you ever met right a review rate the damn show.
We just love to hear from you. I loved reading
your emails. Please stay involved with the show. We we
greatly appreciate it. And by well, of course, I mean
me until next time. Please wear amasking and be kind
to everyone you know and