April 20, 2021 • 52 mins
soup to nuts
good cop/bad cop flip roles
Caroline on a plane flown by a former game show host
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
I welcome back to another what ABOLGORI a dish? I'm
your host, Kevin polkist that Kevin per waffle unless I'm
at Blackbird Diner and then a sweet cream pankick they
offer is the absolute ship. But I digress. Let's meek,
shall we in no particular orders? Say hey to crank
Akowski Coacow, how are you with heights? Heights? Um? Like
(00:31):
of buildings? People like tall people don't bother me? Right
about a cliff? Um about a tall guy named cliff.
If there's a seven footer named cliff, I'm slightly afraid
of him. Sure, Um, I'll tell you this. I've been
to Paris or Perry three times in my life, for
(00:51):
twelve times in my life. Never been up the Eiffel
Tower even one level. Because of the heights. Yeah, okay,
because of the because of your hatred for the French.
I hate the French. And now Caroline Cotter, not your daughter.
What is your favorite smell? Oh? My god? Right to stumper.
(01:20):
I think that. Um. One of my favorite smells is
like right before it rains on the East coast? Are
you laughing? My nose like it? For my favorite smell
(01:40):
is my second finger my hands smelled nasty. My favorite
smells on my hands I have again. Hey, there's a
tool thing changing into his whites. What's the worst dream
you've had most recently. I don't dream too often. That's
(02:04):
a that's a good question, thank you. Where where I'm driving?
I don't like I spent a lot of time driving
as it is in my dreams. Come on, that's what
get you? Yeah, that's it. I don't have any of
those wake up you know, falling off a cliff. Uh
but nice, nice call back. But yeah, I just don't
(02:24):
like mundane things. Let's do something in those dreams. Yeah,
let's not. Let's not waste anyone's time with the driving.
What the hell? It's James Heeny dream He Have you
flown a kite? And how did it go the last time? God?
I can't remember. I feel like I took multiple trips
with kites and none of them ever flew when I
(02:45):
was a kid, and it was always like one of
those things where it's like, well maybe we built it wrong,
but we'd run and it would drag on the ground.
Have a lot of fun with kites. Did you feel
it was your fault? I mean I was told it
was my fault. Get it up there. Once you get
it up there, it's gonna be fine, just dragging on
the ground. Which asshole parent was this that said that
(03:07):
it was both of them. They they'd sit on the
benches and they'd be like, get that thing in the air.
We want to stop something and stop smelling your hand. Yeah,
unless but he'll pile your poop, hie. If you're thinking
least it's Joey Greer, keeper of the anus animals. What
is something about your butt hole? The folks would be
surprised to hear. Oh wow. Um at this point, I'm
(03:30):
not sure, but I guess that. Uh, I guess that
it has eyes. Sure, that's a good guess. Let's do
a damn show. All of our scene suggestions are gathered
from your listener emails I love to read them, or
from your patriots, our patron v i p s who
get um, you know, special treatment. To become a patron
(03:53):
supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content like video
of Caroline smelling her hand and other perks, just head
on over to patron dot com slash alchemy this. If
you'd like to submit a scene suggestion by email, please
write to the podcast. That your name here at alchemy
this dot com. That's your name here? Seen one comes
(04:13):
from patron alcel maniac Will, who wrote Dear Alchemists, Will
Morris here upstate St. Louis. I'll keep this one short
scene suggestion soup to nuts. Thank you all still surviving
on my I V drip of alchemy this thanks for
keeping me going. Love you all and about I love
(04:35):
you all and about out. Oh he meant shout out, Yeah,
I love you all and shout out to the highly
underrated Cold Stratton. Oh, I'd say moderately underrated on average. Yeah, yeah,
order up. You've had this? Uh, that's super four. I've
(04:59):
I've allergic to peanuts, so as tempting as it sounds,
I'll have to pass. Yeah. What's kind of a tradition
around here. You know, we take all the nuts and
then we make a little super It's great. You're gonna
love it. You should try it, even though you're allergic,
But you should try. I mean, it would be a
pretty serious situation if I even sipped some of it.
(05:20):
Let us know if I did. Let us know. If
you see a soup that you do like, Jimmy, can
I see you over here for a second. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
he clearly said he had an allergic reaction to peanuts
any nuts. Well, you know, our our our insurance is
pretty low. I don't think we could handle a lawsuits,
so maybe we backed off. I've made a decision. Yeah
(05:43):
are you doing? I think I'm gonna go for the
I think I'm gonna go for the nutsu I'm sorry this,
we gotta actually leave insurance. Can your manager over here?
I mean, I get my manage over here. But I
mean this is what he told me, so I mean, hey,
how's it going over here? Sir? I just want to
(06:03):
say you've got a great staff here, and thank you.
It's amazing. Thank you today. No, I want the nuts. Sup. Well,
I heard you had an analogy. Well this is I'm
gonna put this on the table. This is my EPI
pen and i'd like to be able to literally put
that on the table. Yeah, I'd like to put that
(06:25):
on the table. So what I'd like to do is
get that soup, have a couple of bites of it,
and when inevitably I go into I think it's called
anaphylectic shock, let's call it. It's gonna be a messy situation.
But as long as you shoot me with that time
call nine one, Okay, I'll be fine. And I tried
(06:46):
to stick with the tradition. It's my first time here,
all right. I think it's called an oopie pen by
the way, or see, I guess it probably is. Yeah,
I don't think EPI is the technical medical term. All right, Well,
I'm down on for this experiment. Jimmy, how are you feeling? He?
I mean, you're good. I'm good, boss, you know what
I mean. I'm happy the way I'm being facetious, Jimmy,
(07:08):
We're not gonna fucking do this, all right, all right?
What the We're not going to give a guy with
an allergy not soup? And then we put in an
OOPSI pen? Are you bananas? So you know, if you're
you know what I could end up doing is I'll
just come back dressed in some sort of outfit in
a few days, maybe a few weeks, maybe a month,
and you won't know who I am, and then you
(07:28):
won't even be prepared. Anyway. I'm excited. I'm excited about
your return. Phil. You you took longer than you're allowed
for lunch. So sorry, I'm so sorry. Is that it
is that all you have, then we're square. You just
say I'm sorry. Well, here's the thing. I can't your
(07:53):
opie pen. I thought those were universals. Were those just
for you? I mean they're in the supply closet, But
that's because I don't have room at my desk. Hey, Blake,
wanted to let you know, in fact, from lunch at
exactly a half hour. Took a half hour for lunch. Hey,
you're getting You're going to raise right best manager ever, Thanks, Blake.
(08:13):
You're gonna want to kill me. I didn't even get
a chance to eat lunch yet, and I'm gonna eat.
I just came back to check in and tell you
I got to take another thirty And what do you
what do you think that's happening here at this this
Chevrolet dealership? Do you think we just have no rules,
no regulations. No, I don't that. I didn't say that.
(08:36):
I can somebody show me this sting? Right? You gotta
still selling the Chevrolete thing, right? Of course? Of course
I'll have a Phil show you round. Bake. Sorrycond fart
of this, lady. Did you want to answer questions? Um? No,
I I work here. I just um, I can help
you with this sting ray, Um, even though my manager
doesn't like me to sell cars. Um, I just I'm
(08:58):
concerned because all of my clothes those are have been taken.
I don't know who did it, but someone just did it.
In the past two minutes. I had a change of
clothes for after work. I was going to go on
a date. I was gonna look floody, and I can't
do that now because someone stole my clothes. Are you
saying your schlut clothes you've been stolen? That's exactly right, sir. Now,
the beautiful thing about this thing, right is that it
(09:19):
has five miles a gallon and it um rides really fast.
It's goes zero at a sixties black Blake. Just want
to let you know that I'm ready to show some cars,
and I've made a change of clothes around so you
can see me. What do you think, miss? I got
a question for you based on what you just told
(09:40):
me about the sting Right. He said, your boss doesn't
like you to sell cars because damn you're smooth. Thank you. Um,
I can't help, but notice, I'm so sorry. I'll keep
selling this car. In one second, it looks like my
coworker is wearing my clothes. What those your those your
slut clothes right there? Obviously? Yes, these are clothes. The
(10:01):
tip of your penis is hanging out at the bottom
of that skirt, only the tip. Yes, all right, I'm
gonna call a team meeting season sir. Just you can
take a test drive if you want. Can I sit
and sting right while y'all mat here and there? The
great thing about this steering wheel is that it is smooth. Stephanie,
(10:23):
We're gonna have the meeting right now. Do you guys
mind if we do this group meeting at a restaurant
that I've really been enjoying. I feel like we'll really connect.
We have a half hour do it though, We're just
gonna have it here by by the water? Fooler? Is
everyone cool with that? All three? If you fool it up?
I'm just hungry now. Phil, it's obviously you're wearing Stephanie's clothes.
(10:47):
Why is it obvious? Because she complained about her clothes
getting stolen and then you change outfit. I found the room,
well the tank, says Stephanie, and rhinestones. Obviously it's mine.
It's like an ironic Stephanie. How is that ironic? Because
I'm not Stephanie. That's a good point. That's a really
(11:08):
good point. You can have it, you can have the pig,
all right. I just want to the group effort here
is to sell that sting, right. We've had it for
now fifty five years, and I think we can do it,
so I can take the lead on this. Is that
what you just said? Of course, I see you already
have a report with the customer. Let's not lose them.
(11:29):
Let's get out there starting. I just regular, and why
don't we celebrate this team meeting with the Let's order
some soup? Could we? I had soup for lunch. I'm
not interested a big bowl of nuts soup. Yeah, listen
to a lot of bites of it. Philm going over
(11:51):
your charts here. When was the last time you ate? Hello? Hello? Sorry?
Sorry sorry sorry sorry, Sometimes it's been a bit. It's benefit.
I'm really hungry. I'm kind of holding out for something special.
You're holding on war for something moving out to something special.
(12:14):
We're gonna have to We're gonna have to put you
into one of our clinics. Okay, no, no, no, super safe. Well,
I don't really need to click, you know what, I
could go forward? Well then I know, then what the hell?
What am I? I'm just a doctor. You can't but
maybe just scope you go. You know, here's my movie
(12:36):
pen take that all right? You know what. Here's here's
some here's some keys, here's some keys. Oh okay, all right,
I'm out of here. Okay, now I'll just take it
back to that restaurant. Doctor, doctor, doctor over here. My
(12:57):
my son's choking. Can you help? Let me just let
me guide you know what, I've got an emergency that
I'm rushing off to. Sorry, but put your fingers in
his mouth and then try to fish it out with
your the tips of your fingers. Already tried that, doctor,
We need your fun. A little boy? Are you okay? Okay?
(13:26):
This seems like a job for nine one one, So, um,
what's your emergency? There's a little boy here choking. And
also I think it's sir, are you choking a little boy?
Oh no, no, no, no, no, it's you've misheard me.
There's a boy choking, unrelated to any actions that I've done.
In fact, I just crossed paths on my way to
a restaurant on a little boy who was choking and
(13:49):
you thought you'd call us. Well, let me just pass you.
Could I connect you to a different cell phone? Alright, Phil,
this is lock up. Are you gonna be in solitary
for a while? All right, that's just how it goes, buddy,
that's just sold. Now the next time, we're gonna be
throwing some slot in the next two three weeks, So
(14:11):
you're gonna have to wait to three week before you eating. Alright,
but I've already gone too long without food. I'm at
that level where I need some nutrients before solitary. Well
you should have thought about that before you choked the boy. Alright, chump, Hey,
what are you in for? Oh I didn't do it.
(14:33):
I guess choking a little boy, I do it? Did
you say a little boy? I don't listen. I didn't
do it. I don't get short ass, short ass, I
thought this was sound ary. I have a pick up
order six orders of nut soup for Stephanie. Oh yeah, yeah,
(14:58):
you got to come right up. I have a special
step as you can see. Oh yes, I can. Just
in case you're checking checking if the right person. I
think that tip your penis is showing. Alright, Sorry, that's
a mistake. The whole thing's supposed to be. It's just
the way. It's the way that the skirt, it's a
(15:19):
slit skirt. Sit just letting you know, you know what
I mean? What it is? A souper ready here, that's
gonna be twenty three Jordan, Oh sorry, Jordan three you're
(15:42):
gonna pay? Yes? Can I get some of those packets
of souper nuts on the side said that to it.
All right, that's gonna be six four two? Whose number
was that? That's just how much you will? Okay? Uh?
Do you do you take diner's clothes? Yes? We do. Oh,
(16:10):
I'm sorry, but this is uh, this is the client.
Oh really yeah, Stephanie on it. Oh yeah, do you
have idea something? I can just mess this right here
on my shirt. Okay, I want to need an actual idea.
You know you don't accept Ryan Stones is a form
of ID. Well, I mean we used to, but we
got a big man. I can get my manager Wating
(16:31):
if you want to talk about I went to the
Chevy dealership across the street. Oh, yeah, of course, you
guys are great business. Yes we are, no problem. Yeah,
standard yeah, I just trying to tell the customer that
we know. We don't think Ryan Stones is a form
of identification anymore. It seems like you're insisting that the
customer is wrong, and that's not how we do this business.
(16:52):
Get your ship out of your locker and be gone
in forty minutes. What but I live here usually give
half hour. I'm gonna give you ford. I don't know
for you stand keep keep walking back back to the back, sir,
gonna help? Oh were you talking to me? I'm Stephanie, Stephanie. Yes,
I'm sorry, Stephanie. How can help? Well? Oh my god,
(17:15):
it's right there on your chests, right there. Was looking
at your chest, but the rhyan stones, and I think
I caught my eye. I think this is my soup,
and I think I'm good. Oh you were just picking
up you just picking up my soup. Oh so then
he collected for the soup the fee. I think he did. Yeah,
do you think he did? I think he did. Huh.
Let me just check the paperworker, Stephanie, the lander. Come on,
(17:40):
we gotta move, all right, we can't be here anymore.
You gotta go. I just got fired and we got
kicked out of our house. Okay, we gotta go. Okay,
we gotta We can't keep moving somewhere every time you
get kicked out of a freaking job. We'd be moving
every every day. Practically, we'll come do the best. I
can't you all right now, we just pick up up kid,
(18:00):
try best. You can't getting fired every day from a
new job. You're stupid, You're bad at work. You got
a bad sense of style. I don't like the way
your face looks. Your hand doesn't grow on the back
half of you. Wow, wow, wow wow. Because i'm front, Harry,
that's why you're doing. Yes, is either wax the front
(18:23):
or I guess I just want you to wax the
front so you have your uneven hair. You don't have
hair on all all parts of your body. You understand
that the only thing I asked for. I don't care. Hello, So, yes,
you're being fitted for a backwig today? Is that? Yes?
I am? Yes, okay, let me just get your measurements
if I could, If you could just take off your shirt.
(18:44):
Oh wow, wow, it's a great tattoo you've got back here.
Thank you? Yeah, it's uh sen. So is that a
cat riding a very back in the distance? Yes, up
on the up on the bluff yep. Yeah, it's a
whole symbolism thing. And what is this symbolism? Because I'm
(19:06):
not getting it? It's ironic. Cool. All right, we've got
your measurements. Um, did you have a style of hair
in mind? Yeah? I was thinking, um, something loose something summer,
you know, loosing summer. Yeah, you know, I don't really
think we have loose hoar summer. It's really burnette, blonde, straight, curly.
(19:32):
I guess i'd say match the color of the hair
in front. But honestly, now that I have, why don't
we do that? No one could tell it's a backwig.
That's that's incredible. Seriously, No, I mean your hair is
completely symmetrical on your front and your back, just like
(19:53):
an all male human beings. I feel, I feeling it's
a whole new mean man. I feel, yeah, like you
could have got the front wax to be you know,
uniform throughout since you don't grow in the back. But
I mean just a uniform level of hair throughout your
entire body. I mean that that wig is is fantastic.
(20:14):
But I just because if I wax, I'm gonna have
to keep on waxing, you know. Yeah, but this way.
It's like what, I just gotta throw it on every
time I go up, you know. Oh yeah, also, I
gotta fire you one that has seen one talking to
a employee about his back way. Uh. Scene two comes
(20:38):
from Kristen, who wrote a police interrogation or two officers
who usually played a good cup and bad cup roles
have for a beat switched places to see who would
be better at the other person's interrogation style, while the
rest of the police staff watched from behind the one
way mirror. I didn't do it. I tell you, I
didn't do it. Okay, Um, and you're not. Oh you
(20:59):
are under arrest, but you're not. Am I under arrest?
Not under arrest? Well you are, but like you're not.
You haven't been charged for anything yet. So, um, you
just have to tell us the truth. I guess you
know what I mean. Are you trying to trick me? No? No,
I'm not. I'm really not. What did you what was
(21:23):
that one second? And don't listen to what we're saying. Yeah, no,
just come outside. Okay, I'm sorry. Okay, Well, I'll be
right back. Okay, what's up? All right, you're out? Okay,
you couldn't do it. Okay, you lose that you do
what what do you mean you couldn't do? You couldn't
even be a good cover backup. You are this weird
in between not a weird in between little piece of ship.
(21:45):
I was, you know where then was? You told me
to do the opposite of what I normally do. So
I was trying to be fucking nice and you bombed.
What do you want me to say? All right, Look,
that's just how it is. You're off the boards. Want
you to fucking go to the toilet where I just
took a dump and eat my ship? You didn't flush? Yeah,
(22:07):
just in case I could say something like this one day.
You know, this isn't the Pacific Northwest. Okay, leave those
logs down in the sewers. You're gonna say what I'm saying,
so fucking dumb. I'm going back in there. I'm going
back in there, and I'll be the nicest little bit
esff lost, Fuck you, Hi, I'm back. Um. I couldn't
(22:30):
hear anything. Yeah, okay, thank you. Um, so you're still
not arrested, okay, and you have beautiful eyes? Thank you?
So can I leave? Then? No? I'm so sorry you
can't leave? Um, but you just have to tell me
(22:51):
if you killed that man. It's just sad, yes or no.
I thought he choked, but I didn't. I didn't kill him. Interesting,
So you you thought years you know the cause of
death and I haven't even told you that. Well, everyone
at the restaurant saw it happened, so okay, interesting, this
is really interesting. Um, I'll be right back. Okay, okay,
(23:15):
stand there, Okay, how is that you're off? What does
it matter? What? Can I go in there and be
bad cup? For God's six? If you can? If you can?
Fuck you all right? Look at who this son of
(23:37):
a bitches? Should I handcuffed myself? Oh? I ain't cuffed
myself to your cheer you fuck? Why would you? Where's
the lady? She was? She was very nice? Keith to
my cups in my back pocket? Grab him? Okay, okay, okay,
(23:58):
I'm getting now. Don't use those keys to unlock the door.
Use those keys to unlock my cuffs, you son of
a bitch. I'm sorry, what do you want? What's happening
right now? Oh? Fuck? You unlock these cups? I accidentally
cuffed myself to your chair like you did it on purpose.
But okay, there you go. Oh, thank you, thank you.
(24:22):
I'm gonna be outside for a second and i'll be
right back getting how is that? What? What did you do?
That cop? Fucking that's the baddest ass cop you've ever seen? Me? Well,
(24:45):
I'm sorry. You just totally were just NonStop dunking on
me for not being nice enough in there, and compared
to compared to what we just saw, that was embarrassing,
baddest cap you've ever seen. Like, excuse me. You told
me to be bad cop and I went in there
and I don't think you could top that bad cup. No,
(25:07):
that was really Hey, Bosha, do you might checking out
some of this timber over here? Uh? We've been just
you know, chopping it down. But I don't know what.
What's all these logs still doing here? Well, there's something
wrong with the boss. I don't know. It's not wood,
I'll tell you that much. These logs are not wood. Uh,
(25:31):
I don't know. There they smell like ship and they
feel like like ship. Okay, well, I I don't want
to touch it to find out, but I'm telling you
what your word for it is? She that just look
at that, look at that just going through my fingers.
And my nails, you know, I mean, okay, yeah, that
does that does look like human ship. I don't know
(25:52):
what's going on. We're gonna we can't ship any of this, No, no,
we can't. We're expecting we've got an order of two
hundred trees to uh to Ted's Lumber in Beaverton. Uh,
you know that. Let's due tomorrow, tomorrow. We can't do.
We can't ship them a bunch of logs of ship.
(26:15):
Spring bring spring, Bring spring bring. That's a. That's a.
That's the phone ringing. Alrighty, once you calm down, all right,
Ted's Lumber? How you doing? Ted? This is uh? This
is uh Terry mccauliffe in uh in Vancouver. Yeah, okay,
(26:38):
hold on just a second, ary, it's a Terry mccauf
and Vancouver. Do you want to stay for this meeting
or do you when we put it on speaker or
do you want to put on put him on a speaker.
All right, let me just give it a second. Here
we go. That's not it, that's not it. There it
is faker phone, Terry. Ye, you're on with with me
and the big man. Uh, Terry, what's hey? How are
(27:00):
you doing? Uh? As you know you you've got an
order of two hundred logs of trees of of wood
made from trees, uh, that was being shipped to your
yard this Thursday from US. Uh. And we're just gonna
have to delay that ship. Why is that the logs
(27:21):
are not are not ready? You're working with us, right? No,
I'm not working with you. We have been chopping down
trees as we do. We're loggers. Uh. And and you
call us to tell us what it is you do?
Is that what's happening? Like? Well, you did ask for
more of a detailed explanation, so so I'll just I'll
just come out and say it. Rather than ras a
(27:45):
pile of logs made from trees and wood, which you
would cut down the lumber as you normally do, I've
got a truck full of logs of human ship. And
I don't know, I don't know how that happened. We're
in the woods, Uh. I've got a crew of fifty
guys here who have been cutting down trees. But somehow,
(28:06):
rather than assembling the logs on the truck, it's a
truck full of human ship. Now I couldn't get that
to you by thursday. If you want but I assume
you probably want with your terry. Can you can we
just put you on hold for a second. Absolutely? Yeah. Sure. Um, well,
I think this is an opportunity. Is that how you
(28:27):
see it as an opportunity? Yeah, I mean I'm new.
I just have my NBA, but I think this is
a wanted Probably have to mention the NBA at the time.
Just feel like I went to you went to on
this season of Rock the Block, We're getting the best
designers h G TV has to offer to design for
custom houses in an entire new housing development with new
(28:50):
materials that you've never seen before. Hi. My name is
Sandy McMillan, and I am a designer for the White
House this year. I can't wait to build of the
ship that they gave me. That's right, little human ship.
I'm excited to build a house. Um. I love working
with my hands, I love using unexpected materials. I think
I'm gonna win. Wow, all right, you six oun of
(29:14):
a bitch, We're gonna break you out of here. Okay,
I got the keys because in my cup. Okay, all right,
I'm sure listen. Let me cut straight with you. I'm
playing bad cup today and no one's ready for this.
I want you to take this uniform of mine. Okay,
please don't take your clothes so I can see that
your penis now, oh it, just avert your eyes. Put
(29:37):
this on, Put this on. Okay, I'm doing you a favor.
I'm bad cup. Okay, I'm bad Coup. This nice police
of uniform is very big. It's baggy. I mean, you
look great. No one's going to tell the difference. Now
to get out, you're gonna take the first left, and
then you're gonna notice a whole bunch of computers and
(29:58):
people sitting. It's like office. It's like over option are
you walk straight through there and then you're out on
the streets. You got it? Okay, what do you gonna
You're gonna stay here. I'm gonna stay here to make
sure you locked the door behind you so I can't
get out and get you. So he knows that we're
watching him through this two way mirror, and he said,
and we can hear everything he's saying. And you're still
(30:18):
telling me that he is doing a better job than
what I did. He's trying to sneak this guy out.
You are blowing this aide proportion, all right, You took
the one note I gave you that you weren't doing
a good You lost, and then now you're attacking everybody.
Just let him see it through. Let's let's see what
he's going to get. This guy to come out of
the fucking thing. He's trying to get this come back
(30:40):
up and out of the toilet. Where did you go?
I know you need it. I didn't touch it. I
don't believe you. Oh my god, why would I go
into the toilet? I think one of your logs? Why
would I do that? It wasn't one of my logs.
I had logs and logs and logs in there and
they're gone. Now they're gone. I was saving them for
a frank and you ruined that prank. Take how many
(31:05):
How how long have I worked here? How many logs
did you take? And I'm telling you how long did
I work here? Twenty five years? So you think about
twenty five years of taking logs and toilets and never
flushing it to do the ultimate prank. That's a great prank.
It would have been a great prank. What's the prank for?
(31:28):
Loo cock blocked this incredible prank? Somebody, somebody took my
effing logs. Someone probably flushed the log that's what happened.
Someone saw the third and said, this is disgusting that
why is it the normal? So not only is this
house made entirely of human ship, a rudimentary DNA test
(31:49):
shows that it comes from one human source. This is
one person's ship. Can we go please hold on, we're
moving into this house and we get Yes, it shouldn't
have rub my eyes. It shouldn't have rub my eyes. Look, look,
(32:14):
some of this ship is years and years old. You
know you shouldn't you should be having that sort of
reaction to it. Some of it is petrified, yaddie. Please,
there's a piece of corn. Look we we've got to
live in this house for at least thirteen episodes of
this show. Why how long is that in real life?
(32:34):
Like months and months? Getting paid? And why don't we
see some of that cat? Somebody's ringing the ship bell?
Uh let me, let me, let me seriously? Hello, Hey,
you know what I'm supposed to install? What's it called
the Walmount TV? So yeah, yeah, coming right here, all right, daddy?
Did the man installing the TV not know what it's called?
(32:58):
What's up with this little a uniform. He just just
like wearing regular clothes the TV. Yeah, it's go, it's
it's it's right here. He leans up against the wall.
All right, let's just bring sinking into the wall. Yeah,
which is there? You have like studs around here? What's
going on? What is this? Uh? We don't you have
(33:19):
a stud censor? Yeah? I guess. Let me just use
my finger. O ship, this is a deep Actually he's
setting in this. That must be the bad installer. There's
a good installer showing up anymone Now it's gonna say
(33:40):
seeing two oh baby, make it stop. Seems he comes
from patroon v IP. David the Joho wrote, here's a
scene suggestion based on some of your warm up banter, Caroline.
It is on a plane that's in trouble to make
(34:02):
matters worse. The pilot is a former game show host.
Pardon me if that's a dumb suggestion, and boozy from
my second COVID vaccination. Also I'm a little dumb. David
W from Boston. This is your pilot speaking, and we're
(34:22):
gonna be landing in finished right ahead of schedule in
that five minute. So if you want to start putting
away your do dads and your ding dungs and your
what what? And if you have any final requests, we're
be happy to throw some music back there while you're
backing your ship up landing in seven minutes. What the
(34:45):
funk is going on with this guy? I feel like
I recognized his voice though doesn't his voice sound familiar? Yeah,
but not like so familiar that I immediately like know
who it is? You know what I mean? The weird
thing is requests, like for what can we request music
this whole time? Yeah? Wait to tell us now when
(35:05):
we have seven minutes left in the flames anyway? Talking
to you? Sorry, what were you saying, sir? No, say
we heard that you wanted some music? Did you request music? No?
I didn't. I think I was just more like I
want a clear clarification on what actually the funk was
happening because he said that like, if you have any requests,
(35:28):
we can play a song for you. And then I
was talking to this guy, I just meant here, and
it's like, what you know what I mean? So that's
like the confusion. I guess. Well, here at Phoenix Airlines,
we want to make your trip as pleasurable as possible.
This is Phoenix Airlines. I meant to get on a
United flight. Oh wow, we'll take anybody. We think the
(35:48):
experience you're gonna have here, all your tickets in the
future will be And this is going to newer though, right, No,
it is Phoenix, like as all flights go to Phoenix
first first off flights go to Phoenix. And then that's
our hub. Okay, that's our Is this like a trick airline? Oh? Man,
seven minutes, man, anything could happen in seven minutes. Anything
(36:10):
could happen, man, anything can happen in seven minutes. One
of my ribs and I just start stabbing you in
the throat. Don't just keep your hands off your rip.
Anything's anything's you know what? An episode? Or the guy
lost his glasses at the very end and he had
all those books books, remember remember that. I think that
was the first episode. I don't know, I don't know. Okay, Okay,
(36:34):
Salsa Flamenko reggae time. Can we get? Can we get salsa?
Can we get salsa? Salsa? Is that gonna call me down?
It's so up tempo? Oh my god, I gotta move
my feet, my hands, my hands down. Oh my god,
there's like the subbeat and everything else? Did I get?
(36:54):
I find the rhythm. The rhythm is gonna get you.
You know what? Can we get something a little softer tempo?
I sauta flamenco and reggae tin. I guess reggaeton. It's
us was similar to ingong fight attendant. Hi, sorry, there's
(37:23):
a guidance at My name is Jim Oh. I don't care.
I like calling you flight attendant. Um, there's a guy
like six rows back who was like really freaking me
the funk out. Okay, you hear him screaming and squirming.
I died to squirming for me is the biggest. We're
gonna be playing him some reggaeton music preton and he'll
(37:44):
be coming. So thank you for pointing it out. We
appreciate our customers letting us know what's happening here on
PHX airlines. Okay, I guess, I just I'm also like,
you're talking about getting stabbed in the ribs or something,
and is that a real threat that happens on these
airlines because I know, like Unite they make sure you're
not carrying any like lithium batteries or firearms or whatever.
(38:06):
So I don't know if you guys have the same
safety protocol. Good, good, very good question. Thank you. We
do have the same because we we all follow under
the f A rules. But he said he was going
to stab himself with his own rib, so that point
and you cannot, Jim, can I ask what the temperature
is on the ground in Phoenix because I'm dressed for Denver.
(38:27):
I was supposed to go to Denver. Okay, well it
is one on one. Thank you for calling me, Jim.
I appreciate it makes me feel like more like a
human than not just a cog in the wheel, you know.
So Okay, I'm in a winter coat and I understand
there is a quest or they whether on the ground? Yeah,
(38:52):
what is it? What is it? You say? Is a
real pleasure back in the day when I was on
the on the little tube there and can't folks the West,
and of course and graduated up to that show host
for a while he was on TV. But he's being
so vague about just calm down. As we get off
(39:15):
the plane, I'm sure that it will all be okay,
because you're gonna get to meet Mark Summers, not going
to get a chance to meet in your Summers trap
this in here, man. As soon as we land, they're
gonna steal the doors. They're just sing you're you're just
a three because of your previous experiences on Family doubled here.
It's fine, nothing's gonna happen to you. Not going to
get slimed, you get shocked, Just calmed down. You two
(39:40):
are the only ones left on the plane. We have landed.
Everyone's deep plane, so I just need you to step
on over. That's the problem. J He Fells needs help
off plane? Is he talking to you? Jen? What is
this Fellas problem? I believe he's referring to you, sir.
Oh what's what's the issue? Then? You should have won?
(40:05):
Are you having a tough day? March six? Do you
remember me? His mother fell into the grinder during Family
double dare Mark, Hey, a lot of people fell into
the ground it though, let's let's try not to feel
for actually ground up was actually ground up your Betty's boy. Hey,
(40:29):
oh man, I thought that was all settled out of
course I'm missing My client here was too young to settle.
He was under age, and he's here. He's here because
he wants retribution. Cut your personal check there? What's your name?
Little fellow, did it, Dylan, don't take a check right now,
(40:54):
I'm your lawyer. Okay, we're gonna we're gonna do this
the old fashioned way, Harry Mason, if you put a
sock in it. But Dylan, what's the number? Pick a
crazy number? Four? Check? I'm sorry, y'all. Look, we just
can't board the plane yet. All right, they're still deep
(41:15):
plane and then we got to clean the fuselage or
whatever the big two. Alright, sir, again, I can't be
more clear about that. Everyone just climbed. Now you're a
drink when you're on the plane, or if you'd like
to go to the bar. But I will say that
if you miss your group, you're not gonna be able
to board. All Right, I need to be in Phoenix
(41:37):
by three o'clock. And I know I'm already currently in Phoenix,
but I know, I know, But I also need to
be in Phoenix at three o'clock. So I'm told the
plane is gonna go up circle around a few times
to come back to Phoenix. I mean that's correct. I
mean you can just stay here, you know, you can
just stay bought a flight, sir. Alright, alright, everyone just
(41:57):
want to be honored to Phoenix at three o'clock. I
have a connecting flight here, that's this flight, and then
after this flight, I do have another connecting flight also here.
So I just think that boarding this plainly is going
to mess that up for me. And I'm the CEO. Listen,
I understand that, okay, And then look we we want
(42:20):
to treat everybody here sim all right, and that is
if you come, you fly Phoenix here, all right, you
will burn it up and then we'll be rebirthed. Is
that a phoenix accent? Are you from here? I'm born Phoenix?
Such a thick accent? I didn't born and Raige dead
santor of Phoenix. That's so interesting. Alright, so everyone just
(42:42):
calmed down, all right, you want to take a little
see alright, we got some what's the inflight music? Well
right now we have salsa reagaton and that's it, all right?
We just uh Marene Gay is all gone? Right? Marine Gay?
What are you serious? Come my friend get out a plane.
Please look at this out pale and action is sir?
(43:05):
Your sick friend is gonna have to wait. Okay, that's
I mean, that's a very impressive mustache. But that faith
is like gretty. Now we understand, we all see it,
all right. Now, if everybody wants to crowd around and
look at him, get close, maybe touch him, feel free,
all right, I don't. I don't have any rules against that.
I don't feel safe getting on a plane with a
(43:26):
man with that complexion. Something's wrong, something's not right about that.
All right, listen, we do have a doctor on step.
You want me to get the doctor, I'll get the doctor.
I need to get to Phoenix. I need to get
to Phoenix. You're in Phoenix, all right, doctor? Yeah? Yeah,
(43:54):
what time is it, doctor? It's about two oh, it's yeah,
it's right outside. P doctor. I'm gonna need you to
come down to the airport over at gate eighty two
four and just check out. We got a sick one here.
We got a man who's just sick. He's sick, He's sick.
(44:16):
Oh okay, um, all right, well I'll be there. Honestly,
I'm I'm in terminal one, so I should be there
really shortly. All right, Okay, do you wanna know how
I'm doing? How are you doing? I mean, we I'm fine.
You know, it's just nice to say, hey, how are
you doing? You know, that's sorry. I'm just waking up.
(44:38):
I was, I was heavily drinking last Night's all right,
but you know, civilities shouldn't, you know, take the night
at all? So okay, Sorry, sorry, how are you? I'm okay, okay, okay,
I'll just see I'll see in the terminal, all right. Hey, honey,
how's your day? A word? You don't even want to know? No,
(44:59):
I want to know. No, you don't. You don't even
want to know. I don't want to know. Well, we
had a man explode. A man exploded and you had
to be there. He was so sick he exploded. Did
you have to clean it up? I mean parts? Yeah,
you know, but whatever, time. Daddy's so much how the
(45:24):
whole day I was just talking to Mom saying how
much I missed you, daddy. Funny, Well, this is actually
human body on me. Whoam blew up on me? That's awesome, Dad,
You're so cool. But did they get regenerated like the
(45:44):
proverbial phoenix? No, no, no, no, no, they die? You
got so many logs, daddy? Ever want you to take
a sit down here on the floor, honey, want you
come here? I got some very important news to share.
This is excited. Everybody sit down. I'll sit down on
the floor of our Phoenix log cabin. I got fired today.
(46:10):
What you don't have to move out of our log cabin? Daddy?
Can you tell us is owned by Phoenix their mama?
Can you go back to mama? Can you work? Can
you go back to tricking? Wow, it was waiting table,
so we called it tricking at that restaurant. Yeah, I
(46:31):
can go back. I'll see if they're hiring. You know
that slang for prostitution, right? No? No, no, I shouldn't.
That waiting is tricking. That's that's a pretty common night
to your sex worker. There's another wrong with that. I'm
just saying I've never been to pimp cafe before. What what? What?
What's it like? It depends on what you are. But
(46:53):
we can make anything. Okay, you tell me what you like.
I'm just looking for like a like lunch, like a
like a soup and salad kind of thing. And easy
easy is that what you want? Easy to go? Five minutes?
No show? Okay? Um, it is there a soup with that?
(47:14):
There would be some liquid if you know. This menu
is just very vague and you're not helping shed anymore
like onto it at all? I mean, am I supposed
to speak in entadres? I don't know what that means,
but I think you know what it means. Sorry, Are
you the one that I ordered the soup? Yeah? Yeah,
(47:34):
where would you like it? Well? Right here on my
on my table. Oh right here on the table line.
I'm just gonna hoke up my skirt a little bit, tire. Okay, okay,
I should I should have called this out when I
noticed you didn't have a tray or any food with you.
Is this? Is this a restaurant? At least he didn't
(48:01):
get the nuts soup unexpectedly that was the premise. What
a day? What a time? I uh really want to
thank all of you, but I'll do so individually, starting with,
of course, Caroline Caught Caroline, thank you so much for
joining us once again. Thank you for having me. What
a treat and what a treat? Would you care to
(48:23):
mention the other podcast that you might be doing. I
wouldn't care to, but I'll do it. It's called um.
I love that you can't remember Carter Core. You can
find that where people find I Tunes or so good.
I see the promotions really paid off. Yeah, it costs
(48:47):
a lot of money. Yeah, that's where they get you.
That's right, that's right. Um, well, thank you so Danny much.
Thank you, James Heeney. Well, I'd like to thank everybody
for coming by, but I also like to say thank
you too. While there's a there's a lot of them,
thanks for fulfilling my request. We've got my favorite pod
(49:09):
from Queen Geen and they say it's so funny and
fun I love Chris five stars. Those fun those reviews
really do help us more than people realize. It's a
it's a it's a game changer. So thank you, Queen Jean.
Do you want to let any of the Patreon uh
(49:29):
people know who get the video of this? What's up
at the skin color today? I don't know what's going on.
I think that my lights are too close to me.
I'm trying to figure it out. But I didn't notice
that my skin color was like absurdly pale until we
started this zoom call. So hopefully during our break, I'll
be able to get my color back fair enough. Which
(49:52):
actually it's not the first time this happened. I was
in what was I doing? I this is it happened?
I guess two days ago I forgot what was doing.
Maybe recordings of their game front, but I was everything
on my face was great, but my lips were read
and I can't figure out what the hell is going
on with my lighting situation. That's just sounds sexy tool thing.
Thank you so much for being here today. Yeah, thank you.
(50:13):
This is always so much fun. Any shout out you'd
like to give the folks, uh, you know you can
follow me at a tool times. Yeah. I feel like
I'm here to also partially uh, to increase the Indian
viewership listenership. So there's any people out there who listening
to the Yeah, you know, hollo right, let me let
you know. You know, you're representative. That's all. I appreciate that.
Appreciate you, Craig Katkowski. If we could get even ten
(50:36):
percent of India, it wouldn't be the most popular podcast
in the world. I was thinking of. Take um, Kevin,
do you know what the young of porcupines are called?
The you mean porcupine babies? Porcupine babies? Yes? Do I
know what they're called other than babies? Uh? Doug babe
(51:01):
with a correct answer in the chat. It's porky pet
Porky Pets, Perky Pets, and now that thank you for that, Craig.
But Doug Babe, do it all right? Yeah? Uh, you
want to chime on that one, Joey Greer. I don't know.
If I buy it, I'm gonna be a percent. Uh
(51:21):
doesn't sound like I mean, why would I not trust Craig.
But at the same time, I feel like I don't know.
I just don't know. I have to do my own research.
You're not buying Parky Pets all right? If you wanted
to pick a name for porky pine babies, what would
it be? Um, that's our show for today. I want
(51:42):
to thank everyone from watching. Let's thank you producing the stars.
Mr Doug Babe, fine folks, and I hurt media. I'm
Kevin probably your host. I can eat you and every
day I want to be for joining us. Please tell
everyone you've ever met about us, and uh yeah, keep
sending those emails. I'd love to read them. Love to
(52:02):
exchange words with you via uh the email portal. Please
be kinding each other. Wear masks until uh, well we've
all been vaccinated. How does that sound? Until next time,
I welcome back to another what ABOLGORI a dish? I'm
your host, Kevin polkist that Kevin per waffle unless I'm
at Blackbird Diner and then a sweet cream pankick they
offer is the absolute ship. But I digress. Let's meek,
shall we in no particular orders? Say hey to crank
Akowski Coacow, how are you with heights? Heights? Um? Like
(00:31):
of buildings? People like tall people don't bother me? Right
about a cliff? Um about a tall guy named cliff.
If there's a seven footer named cliff, I'm slightly afraid
of him. Sure, Um, I'll tell you this. I've been
to Paris or Perry three times in my life, for
(00:51):
twelve times in my life. Never been up the Eiffel
Tower even one level. Because of the heights. Yeah, okay,
because of the because of your hatred for the French.
I hate the French. And now Caroline Cotter, not your daughter.
What is your favorite smell? Oh? My god? Right to stumper.
(01:20):
I think that. Um. One of my favorite smells is
like right before it rains on the East coast? Are
you laughing? My nose like it? For my favorite smell
(01:40):
is my second finger my hands smelled nasty. My favorite
smells on my hands I have again. Hey, there's a
tool thing changing into his whites. What's the worst dream
you've had most recently. I don't dream too often. That's
(02:04):
a that's a good question, thank you. Where where I'm driving?
I don't like I spent a lot of time driving
as it is in my dreams. Come on, that's what
get you? Yeah, that's it. I don't have any of
those wake up you know, falling off a cliff. Uh
but nice, nice call back. But yeah, I just don't
(02:24):
like mundane things. Let's do something in those dreams. Yeah,
let's not. Let's not waste anyone's time with the driving.
What the hell? It's James Heeny dream He Have you
flown a kite? And how did it go the last time? God?
I can't remember. I feel like I took multiple trips
with kites and none of them ever flew when I
(02:45):
was a kid, and it was always like one of
those things where it's like, well maybe we built it wrong,
but we'd run and it would drag on the ground.
Have a lot of fun with kites. Did you feel
it was your fault? I mean I was told it
was my fault. Get it up there. Once you get
it up there, it's gonna be fine, just dragging on
the ground. Which asshole parent was this that said that
(03:07):
it was both of them. They they'd sit on the
benches and they'd be like, get that thing in the air.
We want to stop something and stop smelling your hand. Yeah,
unless but he'll pile your poop, hie. If you're thinking
least it's Joey Greer, keeper of the anus animals. What
is something about your butt hole? The folks would be
surprised to hear. Oh wow. Um at this point, I'm
(03:30):
not sure, but I guess that. Uh, I guess that
it has eyes. Sure, that's a good guess. Let's do
a damn show. All of our scene suggestions are gathered
from your listener emails I love to read them, or
from your patriots, our patron v i p s who
get um, you know, special treatment. To become a patron
(03:53):
supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content like video
of Caroline smelling her hand and other perks, just head
on over to patron dot com slash alchemy this. If
you'd like to submit a scene suggestion by email, please
write to the podcast. That your name here at alchemy
this dot com. That's your name here? Seen one comes
(04:13):
from patron alcel maniac Will, who wrote Dear Alchemists, Will
Morris here upstate St. Louis. I'll keep this one short
scene suggestion soup to nuts. Thank you all still surviving
on my I V drip of alchemy this thanks for
keeping me going. Love you all and about I love
(04:35):
you all and about out. Oh he meant shout out, Yeah,
I love you all and shout out to the highly
underrated Cold Stratton. Oh, I'd say moderately underrated on average. Yeah, yeah,
order up. You've had this? Uh, that's super four. I've
(04:59):
I've allergic to peanuts, so as tempting as it sounds,
I'll have to pass. Yeah. What's kind of a tradition
around here. You know, we take all the nuts and
then we make a little super It's great. You're gonna
love it. You should try it, even though you're allergic,
But you should try. I mean, it would be a
pretty serious situation if I even sipped some of it.
(05:20):
Let us know if I did. Let us know. If
you see a soup that you do like, Jimmy, can
I see you over here for a second. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
he clearly said he had an allergic reaction to peanuts
any nuts. Well, you know, our our our insurance is
pretty low. I don't think we could handle a lawsuits,
so maybe we backed off. I've made a decision. Yeah
(05:43):
are you doing? I think I'm gonna go for the
I think I'm gonna go for the nutsu I'm sorry this,
we gotta actually leave insurance. Can your manager over here?
I mean, I get my manage over here. But I
mean this is what he told me, so I mean, hey,
how's it going over here? Sir? I just want to
(06:03):
say you've got a great staff here, and thank you.
It's amazing. Thank you today. No, I want the nuts. Sup. Well,
I heard you had an analogy. Well this is I'm
gonna put this on the table. This is my EPI
pen and i'd like to be able to literally put
that on the table. Yeah, I'd like to put that
(06:25):
on the table. So what I'd like to do is
get that soup, have a couple of bites of it,
and when inevitably I go into I think it's called
anaphylectic shock, let's call it. It's gonna be a messy situation.
But as long as you shoot me with that time
call nine one, Okay, I'll be fine. And I tried
(06:46):
to stick with the tradition. It's my first time here,
all right. I think it's called an oopie pen by
the way, or see, I guess it probably is. Yeah,
I don't think EPI is the technical medical term. All right, Well,
I'm down on for this experiment. Jimmy, how are you feeling? He?
I mean, you're good. I'm good, boss, you know what
I mean. I'm happy the way I'm being facetious, Jimmy,
(07:08):
We're not gonna fucking do this, all right, all right?
What the We're not going to give a guy with
an allergy not soup? And then we put in an
OOPSI pen? Are you bananas? So you know, if you're
you know what I could end up doing is I'll
just come back dressed in some sort of outfit in
a few days, maybe a few weeks, maybe a month,
and you won't know who I am, and then you
(07:28):
won't even be prepared. Anyway. I'm excited. I'm excited about
your return. Phil. You you took longer than you're allowed
for lunch. So sorry, I'm so sorry. Is that it
is that all you have, then we're square. You just
say I'm sorry. Well, here's the thing. I can't your
(07:53):
opie pen. I thought those were universals. Were those just
for you? I mean they're in the supply closet, But
that's because I don't have room at my desk. Hey, Blake,
wanted to let you know, in fact, from lunch at
exactly a half hour. Took a half hour for lunch. Hey,
you're getting You're going to raise right best manager ever, Thanks, Blake.
(08:13):
You're gonna want to kill me. I didn't even get
a chance to eat lunch yet, and I'm gonna eat.
I just came back to check in and tell you
I got to take another thirty And what do you
what do you think that's happening here at this this
Chevrolet dealership? Do you think we just have no rules,
no regulations. No, I don't that. I didn't say that.
(08:36):
I can somebody show me this sting? Right? You gotta
still selling the Chevrolete thing, right? Of course? Of course
I'll have a Phil show you round. Bake. Sorrycond fart
of this, lady. Did you want to answer questions? Um? No,
I I work here. I just um, I can help
you with this sting ray, Um, even though my manager
doesn't like me to sell cars. Um, I just I'm
(08:58):
concerned because all of my clothes those are have been taken.
I don't know who did it, but someone just did it.
In the past two minutes. I had a change of
clothes for after work. I was going to go on
a date. I was gonna look floody, and I can't
do that now because someone stole my clothes. Are you
saying your schlut clothes you've been stolen? That's exactly right, sir. Now,
the beautiful thing about this thing, right is that it
(09:19):
has five miles a gallon and it um rides really fast.
It's goes zero at a sixties black Blake. Just want
to let you know that I'm ready to show some cars,
and I've made a change of clothes around so you
can see me. What do you think, miss? I got
a question for you based on what you just told
(09:40):
me about the sting Right. He said, your boss doesn't
like you to sell cars because damn you're smooth. Thank you. Um,
I can't help, but notice, I'm so sorry. I'll keep
selling this car. In one second, it looks like my
coworker is wearing my clothes. What those your those your
slut clothes right there? Obviously? Yes, these are clothes. The
(10:01):
tip of your penis is hanging out at the bottom
of that skirt, only the tip. Yes, all right, I'm
gonna call a team meeting season sir. Just you can
take a test drive if you want. Can I sit
and sting right while y'all mat here and there? The
great thing about this steering wheel is that it is smooth. Stephanie,
(10:23):
We're gonna have the meeting right now. Do you guys
mind if we do this group meeting at a restaurant
that I've really been enjoying. I feel like we'll really connect.
We have a half hour do it though, We're just
gonna have it here by by the water? Fooler? Is
everyone cool with that? All three? If you fool it up?
I'm just hungry now. Phil, it's obviously you're wearing Stephanie's clothes.
(10:47):
Why is it obvious? Because she complained about her clothes
getting stolen and then you change outfit. I found the room,
well the tank, says Stephanie, and rhinestones. Obviously it's mine.
It's like an ironic Stephanie. How is that ironic? Because
I'm not Stephanie. That's a good point. That's a really
(11:08):
good point. You can have it, you can have the pig,
all right. I just want to the group effort here
is to sell that sting, right. We've had it for
now fifty five years, and I think we can do it,
so I can take the lead on this. Is that
what you just said? Of course, I see you already
have a report with the customer. Let's not lose them.
(11:29):
Let's get out there starting. I just regular, and why
don't we celebrate this team meeting with the Let's order
some soup? Could we? I had soup for lunch. I'm
not interested a big bowl of nuts soup. Yeah, listen
to a lot of bites of it. Philm going over
(11:51):
your charts here. When was the last time you ate? Hello? Hello? Sorry?
Sorry sorry sorry sorry, Sometimes it's been a bit. It's benefit.
I'm really hungry. I'm kind of holding out for something special.
You're holding on war for something moving out to something special.
(12:14):
We're gonna have to We're gonna have to put you
into one of our clinics. Okay, no, no, no, super safe. Well,
I don't really need to click, you know what, I
could go forward? Well then I know, then what the hell?
What am I? I'm just a doctor. You can't but
maybe just scope you go. You know, here's my movie
(12:36):
pen take that all right? You know what. Here's here's
some here's some keys, here's some keys. Oh okay, all right,
I'm out of here. Okay, now I'll just take it
back to that restaurant. Doctor, doctor, doctor over here. My
(12:57):
my son's choking. Can you help? Let me just let
me guide you know what, I've got an emergency that
I'm rushing off to. Sorry, but put your fingers in
his mouth and then try to fish it out with
your the tips of your fingers. Already tried that, doctor,
We need your fun. A little boy? Are you okay? Okay?
(13:26):
This seems like a job for nine one one, So, um,
what's your emergency? There's a little boy here choking. And
also I think it's sir, are you choking a little boy?
Oh no, no, no, no, no, it's you've misheard me.
There's a boy choking, unrelated to any actions that I've done.
In fact, I just crossed paths on my way to
a restaurant on a little boy who was choking and
(13:49):
you thought you'd call us. Well, let me just pass you.
Could I connect you to a different cell phone? Alright, Phil,
this is lock up. Are you gonna be in solitary
for a while? All right, that's just how it goes, buddy,
that's just sold. Now the next time, we're gonna be
throwing some slot in the next two three weeks, So
(14:11):
you're gonna have to wait to three week before you eating. Alright,
but I've already gone too long without food. I'm at
that level where I need some nutrients before solitary. Well
you should have thought about that before you choked the boy. Alright, chump, Hey,
what are you in for? Oh I didn't do it.
(14:33):
I guess choking a little boy, I do it? Did
you say a little boy? I don't listen. I didn't
do it. I don't get short ass, short ass, I
thought this was sound ary. I have a pick up
order six orders of nut soup for Stephanie. Oh yeah, yeah,
(14:58):
you got to come right up. I have a special
step as you can see. Oh yes, I can. Just
in case you're checking checking if the right person. I
think that tip your penis is showing. Alright, Sorry, that's
a mistake. The whole thing's supposed to be. It's just
the way. It's the way that the skirt, it's a
(15:19):
slit skirt. Sit just letting you know, you know what
I mean? What it is? A souper ready here, that's
gonna be twenty three Jordan, Oh sorry, Jordan three you're
(15:42):
gonna pay? Yes? Can I get some of those packets
of souper nuts on the side said that to it.
All right, that's gonna be six four two? Whose number
was that? That's just how much you will? Okay? Uh?
Do you do you take diner's clothes? Yes? We do. Oh,
(16:10):
I'm sorry, but this is uh, this is the client.
Oh really yeah, Stephanie on it. Oh yeah, do you
have idea something? I can just mess this right here
on my shirt. Okay, I want to need an actual idea.
You know you don't accept Ryan Stones is a form
of ID. Well, I mean we used to, but we
got a big man. I can get my manager Wating
(16:31):
if you want to talk about I went to the
Chevy dealership across the street. Oh, yeah, of course, you
guys are great business. Yes we are, no problem. Yeah,
standard yeah, I just trying to tell the customer that
we know. We don't think Ryan Stones is a form
of identification anymore. It seems like you're insisting that the
customer is wrong, and that's not how we do this business.
(16:52):
Get your ship out of your locker and be gone
in forty minutes. What but I live here usually give
half hour. I'm gonna give you ford. I don't know
for you stand keep keep walking back back to the back, sir,
gonna help? Oh were you talking to me? I'm Stephanie, Stephanie. Yes,
I'm sorry, Stephanie. How can help? Well? Oh my god,
(17:15):
it's right there on your chests, right there. Was looking
at your chest, but the rhyan stones, and I think
I caught my eye. I think this is my soup,
and I think I'm good. Oh you were just picking
up you just picking up my soup. Oh so then
he collected for the soup the fee. I think he did. Yeah,
do you think he did? I think he did. Huh.
Let me just check the paperworker, Stephanie, the lander. Come on,
(17:40):
we gotta move, all right, we can't be here anymore.
You gotta go. I just got fired and we got
kicked out of our house. Okay, we gotta go. Okay,
we gotta We can't keep moving somewhere every time you
get kicked out of a freaking job. We'd be moving
every every day. Practically, we'll come do the best. I
can't you all right now, we just pick up up kid,
(18:00):
try best. You can't getting fired every day from a
new job. You're stupid, You're bad at work. You got
a bad sense of style. I don't like the way
your face looks. Your hand doesn't grow on the back
half of you. Wow, wow, wow wow. Because i'm front, Harry,
that's why you're doing. Yes, is either wax the front
(18:23):
or I guess I just want you to wax the
front so you have your uneven hair. You don't have
hair on all all parts of your body. You understand
that the only thing I asked for. I don't care. Hello, So, yes,
you're being fitted for a backwig today? Is that? Yes?
I am? Yes, okay, let me just get your measurements
if I could, If you could just take off your shirt.
(18:44):
Oh wow, wow, it's a great tattoo you've got back here.
Thank you? Yeah, it's uh sen. So is that a
cat riding a very back in the distance? Yes, up
on the up on the bluff yep. Yeah, it's a
whole symbolism thing. And what is this symbolism? Because I'm
(19:06):
not getting it? It's ironic. Cool. All right, we've got
your measurements. Um, did you have a style of hair
in mind? Yeah? I was thinking, um, something loose something summer,
you know, loosing summer. Yeah, you know, I don't really
think we have loose hoar summer. It's really burnette, blonde, straight, curly.
(19:32):
I guess i'd say match the color of the hair
in front. But honestly, now that I have, why don't
we do that? No one could tell it's a backwig.
That's that's incredible. Seriously, No, I mean your hair is
completely symmetrical on your front and your back, just like
(19:53):
an all male human beings. I feel, I feeling it's
a whole new mean man. I feel, yeah, like you
could have got the front wax to be you know,
uniform throughout since you don't grow in the back. But
I mean just a uniform level of hair throughout your
entire body. I mean that that wig is is fantastic.
(20:14):
But I just because if I wax, I'm gonna have
to keep on waxing, you know. Yeah, but this way.
It's like what, I just gotta throw it on every
time I go up, you know. Oh yeah, also, I
gotta fire you one that has seen one talking to
a employee about his back way. Uh. Scene two comes
(20:38):
from Kristen, who wrote a police interrogation or two officers
who usually played a good cup and bad cup roles
have for a beat switched places to see who would
be better at the other person's interrogation style, while the
rest of the police staff watched from behind the one
way mirror. I didn't do it. I tell you, I
didn't do it. Okay, Um, and you're not. Oh you
(20:59):
are under arrest, but you're not. Am I under arrest?
Not under arrest? Well you are, but like you're not.
You haven't been charged for anything yet. So, um, you
just have to tell us the truth. I guess you
know what I mean. Are you trying to trick me? No? No,
I'm not. I'm really not. What did you what was
(21:23):
that one second? And don't listen to what we're saying. Yeah, no,
just come outside. Okay, I'm sorry. Okay, Well, I'll be
right back. Okay, what's up? All right, you're out? Okay,
you couldn't do it. Okay, you lose that you do
what what do you mean you couldn't do? You couldn't
even be a good cover backup. You are this weird
in between not a weird in between little piece of ship.
(21:45):
I was, you know where then was? You told me
to do the opposite of what I normally do. So
I was trying to be fucking nice and you bombed.
What do you want me to say? All right, Look,
that's just how it is. You're off the boards. Want
you to fucking go to the toilet where I just
took a dump and eat my ship? You didn't flush? Yeah,
(22:07):
just in case I could say something like this one day.
You know, this isn't the Pacific Northwest. Okay, leave those
logs down in the sewers. You're gonna say what I'm saying,
so fucking dumb. I'm going back in there. I'm going
back in there, and I'll be the nicest little bit
esff lost, Fuck you, Hi, I'm back. Um. I couldn't
(22:30):
hear anything. Yeah, okay, thank you. Um, so you're still
not arrested, okay, and you have beautiful eyes? Thank you?
So can I leave? Then? No? I'm so sorry you
can't leave? Um, but you just have to tell me
(22:51):
if you killed that man. It's just sad, yes or no.
I thought he choked, but I didn't. I didn't kill him. Interesting,
So you you thought years you know the cause of
death and I haven't even told you that. Well, everyone
at the restaurant saw it happened, so okay, interesting, this
is really interesting. Um, I'll be right back. Okay, okay,
(23:15):
stand there, Okay, how is that you're off? What does
it matter? What? Can I go in there and be
bad cup? For God's six? If you can? If you can?
Fuck you all right? Look at who this son of
(23:37):
a bitches? Should I handcuffed myself? Oh? I ain't cuffed
myself to your cheer you fuck? Why would you? Where's
the lady? She was? She was very nice? Keith to
my cups in my back pocket? Grab him? Okay, okay, okay,
(23:58):
I'm getting now. Don't use those keys to unlock the door.
Use those keys to unlock my cuffs, you son of
a bitch. I'm sorry, what do you want? What's happening
right now? Oh? Fuck? You unlock these cups? I accidentally
cuffed myself to your chair like you did it on purpose.
But okay, there you go. Oh, thank you, thank you.
(24:22):
I'm gonna be outside for a second and i'll be
right back getting how is that? What? What did you do?
That cop? Fucking that's the baddest ass cop you've ever seen? Me? Well,
(24:45):
I'm sorry. You just totally were just NonStop dunking on
me for not being nice enough in there, and compared
to compared to what we just saw, that was embarrassing,
baddest cap you've ever seen. Like, excuse me. You told
me to be bad cop and I went in there
and I don't think you could top that bad cup. No,
(25:07):
that was really Hey, Bosha, do you might checking out
some of this timber over here? Uh? We've been just
you know, chopping it down. But I don't know what.
What's all these logs still doing here? Well, there's something
wrong with the boss. I don't know. It's not wood,
I'll tell you that much. These logs are not wood. Uh,
(25:31):
I don't know. There they smell like ship and they
feel like like ship. Okay, well, I I don't want
to touch it to find out, but I'm telling you
what your word for it is? She that just look
at that, look at that just going through my fingers.
And my nails, you know, I mean, okay, yeah, that
does that does look like human ship. I don't know
(25:52):
what's going on. We're gonna we can't ship any of this, No, no,
we can't. We're expecting we've got an order of two
hundred trees to uh to Ted's Lumber in Beaverton. Uh,
you know that. Let's due tomorrow, tomorrow. We can't do.
We can't ship them a bunch of logs of ship.
(26:15):
Spring bring spring, Bring spring bring. That's a. That's a.
That's the phone ringing. Alrighty, once you calm down, all right,
Ted's Lumber? How you doing? Ted? This is uh? This
is uh Terry mccauliffe in uh in Vancouver. Yeah, okay,
(26:38):
hold on just a second, ary, it's a Terry mccauf
and Vancouver. Do you want to stay for this meeting
or do you when we put it on speaker or
do you want to put on put him on a speaker.
All right, let me just give it a second. Here
we go. That's not it, that's not it. There it
is faker phone, Terry. Ye, you're on with with me
and the big man. Uh, Terry, what's hey? How are
(27:00):
you doing? Uh? As you know you you've got an
order of two hundred logs of trees of of wood
made from trees, uh, that was being shipped to your
yard this Thursday from US. Uh. And we're just gonna
have to delay that ship. Why is that the logs
(27:21):
are not are not ready? You're working with us, right? No,
I'm not working with you. We have been chopping down
trees as we do. We're loggers. Uh. And and you
call us to tell us what it is you do?
Is that what's happening? Like? Well, you did ask for
more of a detailed explanation, so so I'll just I'll
just come out and say it. Rather than ras a
(27:45):
pile of logs made from trees and wood, which you
would cut down the lumber as you normally do, I've
got a truck full of logs of human ship. And
I don't know, I don't know how that happened. We're
in the woods, Uh. I've got a crew of fifty
guys here who have been cutting down trees. But somehow,
(28:06):
rather than assembling the logs on the truck, it's a
truck full of human ship. Now I couldn't get that
to you by thursday. If you want but I assume
you probably want with your terry. Can you can we
just put you on hold for a second. Absolutely? Yeah. Sure. Um, well,
I think this is an opportunity. Is that how you
(28:27):
see it as an opportunity? Yeah, I mean I'm new.
I just have my NBA, but I think this is
a wanted Probably have to mention the NBA at the time.
Just feel like I went to you went to on
this season of Rock the Block, We're getting the best
designers h G TV has to offer to design for
custom houses in an entire new housing development with new
(28:50):
materials that you've never seen before. Hi. My name is
Sandy McMillan, and I am a designer for the White
House this year. I can't wait to build of the
ship that they gave me. That's right, little human ship.
I'm excited to build a house. Um. I love working
with my hands, I love using unexpected materials. I think
I'm gonna win. Wow, all right, you six oun of
(29:14):
a bitch, We're gonna break you out of here. Okay,
I got the keys because in my cup. Okay, all right,
I'm sure listen. Let me cut straight with you. I'm
playing bad cup today and no one's ready for this.
I want you to take this uniform of mine. Okay,
please don't take your clothes so I can see that
your penis now, oh it, just avert your eyes. Put
(29:37):
this on, Put this on. Okay, I'm doing you a favor.
I'm bad cup. Okay, I'm bad Coup. This nice police
of uniform is very big. It's baggy. I mean, you
look great. No one's going to tell the difference. Now
to get out, you're gonna take the first left, and
then you're gonna notice a whole bunch of computers and
(29:58):
people sitting. It's like office. It's like over option are
you walk straight through there and then you're out on
the streets. You got it? Okay, what do you gonna
You're gonna stay here. I'm gonna stay here to make
sure you locked the door behind you so I can't
get out and get you. So he knows that we're
watching him through this two way mirror, and he said,
and we can hear everything he's saying. And you're still
(30:18):
telling me that he is doing a better job than
what I did. He's trying to sneak this guy out.
You are blowing this aide proportion, all right, You took
the one note I gave you that you weren't doing
a good You lost, and then now you're attacking everybody.
Just let him see it through. Let's let's see what
he's going to get. This guy to come out of
the fucking thing. He's trying to get this come back
(30:40):
up and out of the toilet. Where did you go?
I know you need it. I didn't touch it. I
don't believe you. Oh my god, why would I go
into the toilet? I think one of your logs? Why
would I do that? It wasn't one of my logs.
I had logs and logs and logs in there and
they're gone. Now they're gone. I was saving them for
a frank and you ruined that prank. Take how many
(31:05):
How how long have I worked here? How many logs
did you take? And I'm telling you how long did
I work here? Twenty five years? So you think about
twenty five years of taking logs and toilets and never
flushing it to do the ultimate prank. That's a great prank.
It would have been a great prank. What's the prank for?
(31:28):
Loo cock blocked this incredible prank? Somebody, somebody took my
effing logs. Someone probably flushed the log that's what happened.
Someone saw the third and said, this is disgusting that
why is it the normal? So not only is this
house made entirely of human ship, a rudimentary DNA test
(31:49):
shows that it comes from one human source. This is
one person's ship. Can we go please hold on, we're
moving into this house and we get Yes, it shouldn't
have rub my eyes. It shouldn't have rub my eyes. Look, look,
(32:14):
some of this ship is years and years old. You
know you shouldn't you should be having that sort of
reaction to it. Some of it is petrified, yaddie. Please,
there's a piece of corn. Look we we've got to
live in this house for at least thirteen episodes of
this show. Why how long is that in real life?
(32:34):
Like months and months? Getting paid? And why don't we
see some of that cat? Somebody's ringing the ship bell?
Uh let me, let me, let me seriously? Hello, Hey,
you know what I'm supposed to install? What's it called
the Walmount TV? So yeah, yeah, coming right here, all right, daddy?
Did the man installing the TV not know what it's called?
(32:58):
What's up with this little a uniform. He just just
like wearing regular clothes the TV. Yeah, it's go, it's
it's it's right here. He leans up against the wall.
All right, let's just bring sinking into the wall. Yeah,
which is there? You have like studs around here? What's
going on? What is this? Uh? We don't you have
(33:19):
a stud censor? Yeah? I guess. Let me just use
my finger. O ship, this is a deep Actually he's
setting in this. That must be the bad installer. There's
a good installer showing up anymone Now it's gonna say
(33:40):
seeing two oh baby, make it stop. Seems he comes
from patroon v IP. David the Joho wrote, here's a
scene suggestion based on some of your warm up banter, Caroline.
It is on a plane that's in trouble to make
(34:02):
matters worse. The pilot is a former game show host.
Pardon me if that's a dumb suggestion, and boozy from
my second COVID vaccination. Also I'm a little dumb. David
W from Boston. This is your pilot speaking, and we're
(34:22):
gonna be landing in finished right ahead of schedule in
that five minute. So if you want to start putting
away your do dads and your ding dungs and your
what what? And if you have any final requests, we're
be happy to throw some music back there while you're
backing your ship up landing in seven minutes. What the
(34:45):
funk is going on with this guy? I feel like
I recognized his voice though doesn't his voice sound familiar? Yeah,
but not like so familiar that I immediately like know
who it is? You know what I mean? The weird
thing is requests, like for what can we request music
this whole time? Yeah? Wait to tell us now when
(35:05):
we have seven minutes left in the flames anyway? Talking
to you? Sorry, what were you saying, sir? No, say
we heard that you wanted some music? Did you request music? No?
I didn't. I think I was just more like I
want a clear clarification on what actually the funk was
happening because he said that like, if you have any requests,
(35:28):
we can play a song for you. And then I
was talking to this guy, I just meant here, and
it's like, what you know what I mean? So that's
like the confusion. I guess. Well, here at Phoenix Airlines,
we want to make your trip as pleasurable as possible.
This is Phoenix Airlines. I meant to get on a
United flight. Oh wow, we'll take anybody. We think the
(35:48):
experience you're gonna have here, all your tickets in the
future will be And this is going to newer though, right, No,
it is Phoenix, like as all flights go to Phoenix
first first off flights go to Phoenix. And then that's
our hub. Okay, that's our Is this like a trick airline? Oh? Man,
seven minutes, man, anything could happen in seven minutes. Anything
(36:10):
could happen, man, anything can happen in seven minutes. One
of my ribs and I just start stabbing you in
the throat. Don't just keep your hands off your rip.
Anything's anything's you know what? An episode? Or the guy
lost his glasses at the very end and he had
all those books books, remember remember that. I think that
was the first episode. I don't know, I don't know. Okay, Okay,
(36:34):
Salsa Flamenko reggae time. Can we get? Can we get salsa?
Can we get salsa? Salsa? Is that gonna call me down?
It's so up tempo? Oh my god, I gotta move
my feet, my hands, my hands down. Oh my god,
there's like the subbeat and everything else? Did I get?
(36:54):
I find the rhythm. The rhythm is gonna get you.
You know what? Can we get something a little softer tempo?
I sauta flamenco and reggae tin. I guess reggaeton. It's
us was similar to ingong fight attendant. Hi, sorry, there's
(37:23):
a guidance at My name is Jim Oh. I don't care.
I like calling you flight attendant. Um, there's a guy
like six rows back who was like really freaking me
the funk out. Okay, you hear him screaming and squirming.
I died to squirming for me is the biggest. We're
gonna be playing him some reggaeton music preton and he'll
(37:44):
be coming. So thank you for pointing it out. We
appreciate our customers letting us know what's happening here on
PHX airlines. Okay, I guess, I just I'm also like,
you're talking about getting stabbed in the ribs or something,
and is that a real threat that happens on these
airlines because I know, like Unite they make sure you're
not carrying any like lithium batteries or firearms or whatever.
(38:06):
So I don't know if you guys have the same
safety protocol. Good, good, very good question. Thank you. We
do have the same because we we all follow under
the f A rules. But he said he was going
to stab himself with his own rib, so that point
and you cannot, Jim, can I ask what the temperature
is on the ground in Phoenix because I'm dressed for Denver.
(38:27):
I was supposed to go to Denver. Okay, well it
is one on one. Thank you for calling me, Jim.
I appreciate it makes me feel like more like a
human than not just a cog in the wheel, you know.
So Okay, I'm in a winter coat and I understand
there is a quest or they whether on the ground? Yeah,
(38:52):
what is it? What is it? You say? Is a
real pleasure back in the day when I was on
the on the little tube there and can't folks the West,
and of course and graduated up to that show host
for a while he was on TV. But he's being
so vague about just calm down. As we get off
(39:15):
the plane, I'm sure that it will all be okay,
because you're gonna get to meet Mark Summers, not going
to get a chance to meet in your Summers trap
this in here, man. As soon as we land, they're
gonna steal the doors. They're just sing you're you're just
a three because of your previous experiences on Family doubled here.
It's fine, nothing's gonna happen to you. Not going to
get slimed, you get shocked, Just calmed down. You two
(39:40):
are the only ones left on the plane. We have landed.
Everyone's deep plane, so I just need you to step
on over. That's the problem. J He Fells needs help
off plane? Is he talking to you? Jen? What is
this Fellas problem? I believe he's referring to you, sir.
Oh what's what's the issue? Then? You should have won?
(40:05):
Are you having a tough day? March six? Do you
remember me? His mother fell into the grinder during Family
double dare Mark, Hey, a lot of people fell into
the ground it though, let's let's try not to feel
for actually ground up was actually ground up your Betty's boy. Hey,
(40:29):
oh man, I thought that was all settled out of
course I'm missing My client here was too young to settle.
He was under age, and he's here. He's here because
he wants retribution. Cut your personal check there? What's your name?
Little fellow, did it, Dylan, don't take a check right now,
(40:54):
I'm your lawyer. Okay, we're gonna we're gonna do this
the old fashioned way, Harry Mason, if you put a
sock in it. But Dylan, what's the number? Pick a
crazy number? Four? Check? I'm sorry, y'all. Look, we just
can't board the plane yet. All right, they're still deep
(41:15):
plane and then we got to clean the fuselage or
whatever the big two. Alright, sir, again, I can't be
more clear about that. Everyone just climbed. Now you're a
drink when you're on the plane, or if you'd like
to go to the bar. But I will say that
if you miss your group, you're not gonna be able
to board. All Right, I need to be in Phoenix
(41:37):
by three o'clock. And I know I'm already currently in Phoenix,
but I know, I know, But I also need to
be in Phoenix at three o'clock. So I'm told the
plane is gonna go up circle around a few times
to come back to Phoenix. I mean that's correct. I
mean you can just stay here, you know, you can
just stay bought a flight, sir. Alright, alright, everyone just
(41:57):
want to be honored to Phoenix at three o'clock. I
have a connecting flight here, that's this flight, and then
after this flight, I do have another connecting flight also here.
So I just think that boarding this plainly is going
to mess that up for me. And I'm the CEO. Listen,
I understand that, okay, And then look we we want
(42:20):
to treat everybody here sim all right, and that is
if you come, you fly Phoenix here, all right, you
will burn it up and then we'll be rebirthed. Is
that a phoenix accent? Are you from here? I'm born Phoenix?
Such a thick accent? I didn't born and Raige dead
santor of Phoenix. That's so interesting. Alright, so everyone just
(42:42):
calmed down, all right, you want to take a little
see alright, we got some what's the inflight music? Well
right now we have salsa reagaton and that's it, all right?
We just uh Marene Gay is all gone? Right? Marine Gay?
What are you serious? Come my friend get out a plane.
Please look at this out pale and action is sir?
(43:05):
Your sick friend is gonna have to wait. Okay, that's
I mean, that's a very impressive mustache. But that faith
is like gretty. Now we understand, we all see it,
all right. Now, if everybody wants to crowd around and
look at him, get close, maybe touch him, feel free,
all right, I don't. I don't have any rules against that.
I don't feel safe getting on a plane with a
(43:26):
man with that complexion. Something's wrong, something's not right about that.
All right, listen, we do have a doctor on step.
You want me to get the doctor, I'll get the doctor.
I need to get to Phoenix. I need to get
to Phoenix. You're in Phoenix, all right, doctor? Yeah? Yeah,
(43:54):
what time is it, doctor? It's about two oh, it's yeah,
it's right outside. P doctor. I'm gonna need you to
come down to the airport over at gate eighty two
four and just check out. We got a sick one here.
We got a man who's just sick. He's sick, He's sick.
(44:16):
Oh okay, um, all right, well I'll be there. Honestly,
I'm I'm in terminal one, so I should be there
really shortly. All right, Okay, do you wanna know how
I'm doing? How are you doing? I mean, we I'm fine.
You know, it's just nice to say, hey, how are
you doing? You know, that's sorry. I'm just waking up.
(44:38):
I was, I was heavily drinking last Night's all right,
but you know, civilities shouldn't, you know, take the night
at all? So okay, Sorry, sorry, how are you? I'm okay, okay, okay,
I'll just see I'll see in the terminal, all right. Hey, honey,
how's your day? A word? You don't even want to know? No,
(44:59):
I want to know. No, you don't. You don't even
want to know. I don't want to know. Well, we
had a man explode. A man exploded and you had
to be there. He was so sick he exploded. Did
you have to clean it up? I mean parts? Yeah,
you know, but whatever, time. Daddy's so much how the
(45:24):
whole day I was just talking to Mom saying how
much I missed you, daddy. Funny, Well, this is actually
human body on me. Whoam blew up on me? That's awesome, Dad,
You're so cool. But did they get regenerated like the
(45:44):
proverbial phoenix? No, no, no, no, no, they die? You
got so many logs, daddy? Ever want you to take
a sit down here on the floor, honey, want you
come here? I got some very important news to share.
This is excited. Everybody sit down. I'll sit down on
the floor of our Phoenix log cabin. I got fired today.
(46:10):
What you don't have to move out of our log cabin? Daddy?
Can you tell us is owned by Phoenix their mama?
Can you go back to mama? Can you work? Can
you go back to tricking? Wow, it was waiting table,
so we called it tricking at that restaurant. Yeah, I
(46:31):
can go back. I'll see if they're hiring. You know
that slang for prostitution, right? No? No, no, I shouldn't.
That waiting is tricking. That's that's a pretty common night
to your sex worker. There's another wrong with that. I'm
just saying I've never been to pimp cafe before. What what? What?
What's it like? It depends on what you are. But
(46:53):
we can make anything. Okay, you tell me what you like.
I'm just looking for like a like lunch, like a
like a soup and salad kind of thing. And easy
easy is that what you want? Easy to go? Five minutes?
No show? Okay? Um, it is there a soup with that?
(47:14):
There would be some liquid if you know. This menu
is just very vague and you're not helping shed anymore
like onto it at all? I mean, am I supposed
to speak in entadres? I don't know what that means,
but I think you know what it means. Sorry, Are
you the one that I ordered the soup? Yeah? Yeah,
(47:34):
where would you like it? Well? Right here on my
on my table. Oh right here on the table line.
I'm just gonna hoke up my skirt a little bit, tire. Okay, okay,
I should I should have called this out when I
noticed you didn't have a tray or any food with you.
Is this? Is this a restaurant? At least he didn't
(48:01):
get the nuts soup unexpectedly that was the premise. What
a day? What a time? I uh really want to
thank all of you, but I'll do so individually, starting with,
of course, Caroline Caught Caroline, thank you so much for
joining us once again. Thank you for having me. What
a treat and what a treat? Would you care to
(48:23):
mention the other podcast that you might be doing. I
wouldn't care to, but I'll do it. It's called um.
I love that you can't remember Carter Core. You can
find that where people find I Tunes or so good.
I see the promotions really paid off. Yeah, it costs
(48:47):
a lot of money. Yeah, that's where they get you.
That's right, that's right. Um, well, thank you so Danny much.
Thank you, James Heeney. Well, I'd like to thank everybody
for coming by, but I also like to say thank
you too. While there's a there's a lot of them,
thanks for fulfilling my request. We've got my favorite pod
(49:09):
from Queen Geen and they say it's so funny and
fun I love Chris five stars. Those fun those reviews
really do help us more than people realize. It's a
it's a it's a game changer. So thank you, Queen Jean.
Do you want to let any of the Patreon uh
(49:29):
people know who get the video of this? What's up
at the skin color today? I don't know what's going on.
I think that my lights are too close to me.
I'm trying to figure it out. But I didn't notice
that my skin color was like absurdly pale until we
started this zoom call. So hopefully during our break, I'll
be able to get my color back fair enough. Which
(49:52):
actually it's not the first time this happened. I was
in what was I doing? I this is it happened?
I guess two days ago I forgot what was doing.
Maybe recordings of their game front, but I was everything
on my face was great, but my lips were read
and I can't figure out what the hell is going
on with my lighting situation. That's just sounds sexy tool thing.
Thank you so much for being here today. Yeah, thank you.
(50:13):
This is always so much fun. Any shout out you'd
like to give the folks, uh, you know you can
follow me at a tool times. Yeah. I feel like
I'm here to also partially uh, to increase the Indian
viewership listenership. So there's any people out there who listening
to the Yeah, you know, hollo right, let me let
you know. You know, you're representative. That's all. I appreciate that.
Appreciate you, Craig Katkowski. If we could get even ten
(50:36):
percent of India, it wouldn't be the most popular podcast
in the world. I was thinking of. Take um, Kevin,
do you know what the young of porcupines are called?
The you mean porcupine babies? Porcupine babies? Yes? Do I
know what they're called other than babies? Uh? Doug babe
(51:01):
with a correct answer in the chat. It's porky pet
Porky Pets, Perky Pets, and now that thank you for that, Craig.
But Doug Babe, do it all right? Yeah? Uh, you
want to chime on that one, Joey Greer. I don't know.
If I buy it, I'm gonna be a percent. Uh
(51:21):
doesn't sound like I mean, why would I not trust Craig.
But at the same time, I feel like I don't know.
I just don't know. I have to do my own research.
You're not buying Parky Pets all right? If you wanted
to pick a name for porky pine babies, what would
it be? Um, that's our show for today. I want
(51:42):
to thank everyone from watching. Let's thank you producing the stars.
Mr Doug Babe, fine folks, and I hurt media. I'm
Kevin probably your host. I can eat you and every
day I want to be for joining us. Please tell
everyone you've ever met about us, and uh yeah, keep
sending those emails. I'd love to read them. Love to
(52:02):
exchange words with you via uh the email portal. Please
be kinding each other. Wear masks until uh, well we've
all been vaccinated. How does that sound? Until next time,
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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