January 19, 2021 • 54 mins
Sports team’s star is 82yrs old.
Person on a job interview relates salvia trip.
Animal Farm except plants.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh, welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. It is
COVID nineteen. Addition, I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes that
Kevin Pollock. Well, yes, it is a new year chronologically,
and that does feel good. Yeah, fresh start, you know,
(00:21):
like an aging prostitute splashing a little seltzer on her
undercarriage before exiting a broken down motel and hitting the
streets the cold wind and an otherwise tired face suddenly
feeling fresh and clean. But I digress. Let's meet he
Chamis Shawi no particular order. Say hey to Craig Atkowski kacao.
What did breakfast look like today? Breakfast looked like raspberries, blueberries,
(00:44):
some trail mix, some granola, and a bowl with plain
yogurt genius, and a green tea with lemon and honey.
And how did it taste like? Ship? Oh? God, it
was off and cheese. Who um that little tiny voice
(01:09):
in your head that sounds like James Zeney now, please
welcome back James Heeney. He need dinking and dunk esquires.
Do you recall your first encounter with an attorney? My
first encounter with an attorney. I've never had an encounter
with an attorney and that's assented myself. Well, I guess
(01:30):
the attorney. Well, no, it's fine, let's I've never no, No,
I think everyone wants to hear everything you have to
say about this. Well, I don't know for sure that
it was an attorney, but I definitely went to court,
but it was with it and I and we ended
up settling. We went out to the hallway and settled. Well,
(01:53):
it was definitely the hallway because the judge was just
basically like, if we go through that, you're going to
have to deal with it forever. You think it was
to the hallway and have uh and then it won't
be on the record or whatnot. What did you do?
It was just me, honestly, why would it be medo
(02:14):
special Cee. How's week one of shaping up? Great? Great,
I'm doing doing what you do in the new year,
which is focusing on what needs to be done, which
is you know that some positive thinking, opening those health
help books again, going on those walks, the meditation, all
of it feeling good. A matter of fact, you can't
see it, but I'm actually levitating right now. Hell sh yeah. Yeah.
(02:38):
So following the Ted cruise example, I'm not sure what
that means, but probably yeah, not at all, and now
it's a tool sing. What's one of the oddest things
someone said to you after a live show? Uh? You
know the other guy is really funny? Hear that? Quite?
(03:00):
Did that? Really? No one actually said that. That's just
probably during pretty pretty pony shows, right, those other guys
are really good looking, and thank you thanks for coming there.
My my least favorite is hey, looks like you guys
are having a lot of fun up there. Um and last,
but take it up the manger if you think him least,
(03:23):
it's Joey Greer cree toe currency. Explain to me again,
please why your offer is best, because at the end
of the day, you're gonna get a lot of offers,
but none of them are gonna be caring about you know,
they're caring about what your product is. And I'm saying,
I'm gonna give you a career. That's why they just
(03:45):
want to buy you, and they want to sell you,
and they're gonna flip you quick. What I'm gonna do
is I'm gonna let you stay on that panel and
let you sizzle hot, and then I'm gonna turn you over.
And about thirty to forty years, and guess what, We're
gonna have another thirty to forty years to make some money.
You know what I'm saying. They do answer I was
hoping for, But it is over. The answer is over.
Let's do it, damn show. All of our scene suggestions
(04:05):
have gathered from your listener emails or from our patron
v I P s to become a patron supporter of
the show and enjoy exclusive content and other perks like
yes video of what I'm saying right now, Just head
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write to the podcast that your name here at Alchemy
this dot com. That's your name here at and now
(04:32):
First a message from patron v I P. McCoy Kentwell, hey, Alchemists,
I am taking advantage of my patron subscription to just
send a little message of encouragement. Despite what I'm sure
is the soul sucking nature of having to do comedy
via the Worldwide Web, You're definitely you've definitely still got
that zazz. Some of the most recent episodes are unequivocably
(04:57):
or however you say that among the greatest ever. I'll
refrain from a scene suggestion because you're all are definitely
up to your elbows in them, but do want to
let you know you still rock our socks up. McCoy can't. Well,
isn't that sweet? And by the way, that that's a
gentleman who purchased my workshop as a gift for his friend.
(05:19):
Oh there's no end to this guy's support and giving
and loving and hats off and thanks for letting everyone
know that, agress seriously, um, and thank you, McCoy. Seen
one comes to us from listeners Steve, who wrote, Hi, everyone,
you're all my favorite. I have listened to all of
your alchemy this true stories except for one. Yes, that one.
(05:44):
It sounds like you just made it up on the spot.
Oh well, I found an old article from back in
the day when professional sports was just getting started. In
order for the teams to be able to keep their
players that are offered, they were offered lifetime contract. Today
is the most important game of the year for your
professional sports team, and the star player just turned eight two.
(06:07):
Please tell us about that. I am tired from making
all that up. I don't know how to do this.
Thanks again, Steve. Quiet down, Quiet down, Quiet down, everybody,
keep it down to the locker room is not a
everyone's quiet, everyone's quiet, keep you quiet, please attention alright, fellas, Uh,
(06:34):
I'm sorry, let me put it in the locker room.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Listen. Um, today's so,
is he gonna come out for the game or not?
I mean we need a point guard? Yeah, I imagine
you want. Listen. My baby can't be out there anymore.
My wife is pretty piste that we brought him out.
(06:54):
We need to find somebody to replace. No. No, he
signed a contract, right, you just asked Edgar. Edgar turned
eight two yesterday. Edgar, give it up, Edgar, everybody. Yeah.
But the difference is Edgar was signed, but Edgar was.
(07:19):
He's an adult. He can sign for himself. I wasn't
even there when you guys got my baby to sign it.
I can't even blue. I've never seen my babyhold coach coach, coach, Yeah,
oh yeah, listen, First of all, drop the my baby bullshit.
It's our baby. And uh, the game starts in seventeen minutes,
So let's go back to what the coach was saying.
(07:41):
All right, hold on a second, My wife and I
okay again, coach, coach, coach, Look, she's Oliver. Yes, please please,
let's drop the my wife business to wife before I
went to the war game? Which war is he talking about?
(08:06):
All right, listen up here, fellas, listen up. I'm talking
about I'm talking to YouTube baby, if you can hear me.
Today's just a game. Today's the Championship of the World game.
But I thought about this long and hard this morning
over my green tea with honey tastes like ship by
the way, I thought about this, and I thought to myself,
(08:27):
we have a secret weapon, and that secret weapon is Edgar. Edgar,
You've been an anchor for this team for many years.
I think I first tasted green Tea when I was
overseas and your friends with the locals. Here's here's what
(08:48):
I'm thinking. Everybody. We passed the ball only to Edgar
all game long. Uh huh? Give me the rock? Um.
I mean we should definitely get the baby and play.
I mean the baby needs to know how the game flows.
(09:08):
Although we should make the should we name the babe
baby or no, we're not gonna name the baby. I
I you know what, I'm on the bench. I'm on
the bench. I don't know what. Yeah, so sorry interrupt,
Uh I I know you're trying to motivate your team
right now. Can I have a moment on behalf of
the refereeing crew before before we get started today? Of course,
of course, Uh, good to see you. Uh look, you know,
(09:31):
all of us on the crew just want a fair
and honorable championship game today, and with that in mind,
we'd like to really encourage you to not play Edgar today.
I remember your face. I saw your face overseas when
I was in a war. I put a bullet through
his head. I mean, that's one of the reasons. But
(09:56):
I mean it's a miracle that he hasn't uh, he
hasn't hide on the court. Ref we should probably keep
the baby out two right, it's uh yeah, don't ideally
don't play the baby either. Can I show Can I
show you something ref I have. I have a name.
By the way, this is Edgar's contract, like that, I
(10:19):
keep it with me in my pocket. See here. This
is a lifetime contract. He is until death, but he
is eligible. He is eligible to play. Like I. Everything
of the league's by laws allows you to play Edgar.
I'm just saying he's gotta die there. That's the way
(10:42):
he wants it. Get your popcorn high? How about a
popcorn for you and the missus? Can't afford it? For it,
can't sorry, excuse me, pardon me our seats? Oh yeah,
would you like to get a popcorn for you and
your son? That's my date? So I'm a woman. She's
(11:03):
already said that I was a woman. You've already she said,
you and the misses now you think i'm his son
over here? That you can't afford a popcorn? Yeah, that's right.
But he also called me a little boy. I don't understand.
I mean, so what She's actually good? I'm making good.
(11:24):
I mean, it's an honest mistake. But somehow you got
two tickets to the championship game. They say, do you
think I look like a little boy? Tina? Oh wow,
it's seriously. Are you gonna buy them popcorn? Or? Should
I move on to yes, I get around for everyone
in the row? Oh my god, yes, eight dollars a bag.
(11:48):
I know you don't just tell me keep a tabh
my god, hello, listen, um, I wanted to talk about
restructuring Edgar's contract if I could please, you gotta talk
to his agent. I'm just the coaches agents right right there.
(12:09):
If you want to, I'm his agent. That's why I
called you. Oh I thought you were No, No, that
makes sense, that makes sense. I'm just hanging around. Was replaced.
He was sort of moved out of the agency, but
still shows up for the free lunch at the meetings
(12:30):
on Monday. But I am Edgar's new agent, and we'd
like the restructures dealing. Dutch, hold my calls. What's going
on here? What's happening? This is the owner of the team.
I don't need to tell you that. Okay, I'll step away,
so come join me. Hey, Tim, nice to see Nice
to see you as well. What's going on here? You
need restructure? We need to restructure Edgar's contract. Oh you're
(12:51):
you're an agent now, okay, I understand. Yeah, let's let's
come into my office. What happened to? What happened to
the spicy must be just just yellow must year? We
got rid of it. So we got rid of Well,
how am I supposed to make it a spicy ham
and cheese sandwich? You're supposed to make it outside of
the owners off? Can you handle this? Dutch? Can you handle.
(13:14):
Of course, tell me, tell me you about the time
you met Pearl again? Who do I mean? Come on, Tim? Anyways,
the Dubuke Trumpets. We got a long, storied history, alright,
and one of the things we have is part of
our history is specifically for sixty years, sixty years he's
(13:35):
been playing for the team, his body is going to
hang in the rafters. I guarantee it. Well, it practically
is now in terms of how to keep him up.
So I'm just asking, maybe he skips every fourth game
through the first half of the season, in the second half,
every second and fourth game. Okay, we did, uh you know,
(13:56):
we did lose the championship last year, same page. We
lost the championship because your coach is an ass white. Well, yeah,
that's I mean, we can all agree that he's a
little rough around the edges, but I will say giving
the ball to Edgar and only Edgar as proving proven successful.
He's ready defined the term powerful. And you're not wrong,
I mean truly truly. Now look, I mean I understand
(14:19):
what you're saying. We want to we want to keep
them healthy for the playoffs. They don't call the elbow
for nothing. Yeah, healthy for the playoffs, since we all
know that's all that matters. So you give me what
are you gonna give me? Here? The owner? What do
you need? But we do need spicy mustard? We got
so I did catch one. Also, there's also only baked blaze.
(14:40):
Do you have regular on baked plays dots? Can you
handle this? Alright? Alright, gold diggers, gather around the team.
I need to talk to you guys about how you're
playing out in the field. All right, smoking field. It's
not a field, it's a court. That's basketball, coach you're
talking about. Okay. First of all, I just need you
(15:03):
guys to start treating every one of their players equal. Okay.
I can't but notice that nobody's going after the old
man at the court. Okay, set a cigar on your
other hand, it's not lit. I'm only smoking one of these. Okay.
They banned us from using brass knuckles like you really
suggested we use. We're not. They could be just illuminum
(15:28):
anything anything. You guys are just letting them run you
on the court. Okay. They passed the same guy every time,
and every time everybody's all hands off. Which one of
you wants to get a bump in the pay this year,
but maybe I just feel bad Coach, like the guys
like in his eighties, he's very frail. I feel like
(15:48):
if I touch him at all, he's gonna, you know, uh,
crumpled like tissue paper. Yeah, okay, me for a second.
Coach also fellas which one of they just want them bump?
Oh yeah, I'll take I'll take all right, all right, Trump,
it's look, that's a girl's a great first half. I'll
(16:08):
give it up for Edgar. Everybody, huh, quick, quick change.
I was in the front. Yeah, yeah, and that's what
you were talking about. What is that that? Well he's
eighty two, so it will be the Korean War and
only last two years coaching. Not for nothing? Can we
stop with this? Stop with what his Edgar's talk about
(16:29):
the war. Edgar is his own man. You can do
what he wants. But listen, we're moving away from mega
first second. This is who I want to talk about.
A game plan? No, no, no, let him. Here's the
game plan. Only the baby gets the ball in the
second half. Wow. Hey, I'm only on the bench, you know,
(16:53):
but I love it. I love it. I love it. Sorry,
didn't sorry interrupt again? Do you do you have a
moment before we begin me in the second half, everybody's
the ref give it up. That's the guy who looks
like the man I killed overseas. By the way, I
gotta I gotta apologized. First of all, Egger had a
tremendous first half. I just gotta plead with you, do
(17:16):
not put that baby out on the court. Okay, So
if you see this right here, this is a contract.
Baby's contract signed it for Life's starting him when he's
in his late teens. He's eligible now my most eligible.
Like there are so many loopholes in this league's by laws.
(17:38):
All right, kid, now listen right now, you're you're on
the scouting team, al right. Now, what we gotta do
is we gotta find the best players out there for
the cheapest amount. Now. Look, there's a lot of old
folks homes and we're gonna be canvassing all of them.
All right. Now, come on, let's see if we can't
find some talent that might not be on the rate. Really,
whenever I watch games, I'm usually looking for the people
(18:00):
that are coming out of college and have a real
good career. I just don't know if anybody really wants
to they're old, old, it's not cool. Excuse me? Are
you here to recruit? Oh? Here we go, Yes, sir,
yes we are. What sports are you looking for? Baseball? Basketball, Hockey?
M m A. I don't think he should do m
(18:23):
m A. He looks, he looks fragile. Give me one second.
Games like Jason, you're new to this guy here? Okay,
this is a moneyball alright, you're not Brett Pick. Since
I was a little kid, I am, I I am
a special list in m m A. Marvin mce arts.
That's a deadly ship over there. Look, this guy's get Look,
(18:44):
you just gotta follow my lead here. Look if you
if you got something good, then won't you start your
own program? Won't you start your own team? But this
is how it's been done for a hundred billion years,
and it's gonna be done this way for a hundred
billion years after. Did you understand? Okay, I'll just follow long.
But hey, baby, baby, look at me, look at me,
Look at me? Here? What baby does this? Baby looks
(19:06):
like a boy? What does this? You don't understand? God?
Damn it, sir? And sorry you same person? Sorry about that? Yeah,
the same person? Is it? Seam one? And everybody, Holy time, Holy,
I want you to do the baby right. I just
(19:27):
realized that. But the way you said baby baby is
not the way should name the baby. Should have named
the baby? That's my question. We're gonna name it? Seemed
to come from our newest patron, alt comaniac, Cowboy Dracula.
(19:49):
Thank you Cowboy Dracula, who wrote, Hi, hello, scene suggestion
a person on a job interview, inappropriately trying to explain
an extremely dis show should have salvia trip where they
became sent in wallpaper in several houses. He also added
that this was based on a true story. Thank you,
(20:10):
cav my Dracula, Gloria was my three o'clock? Is my
three o'clock here yet? Almost? Sir, you do have a
couple other people here waiting for the five o'clock interview,
So let's let's put it. I will let you know
when the three o'clock arrives. You want to maybe reach
out to the three o'clock and see if he's en
(20:31):
route before in the elevator or what? Yeah? Email, text,
herophone call, yes, okay, email first, I'll wait like Dodd, Dodd, dude,
we have a job interview right now. You need to
get down. Dude, check this out. I already know that
the people interviewing after me showed up early, so to
(20:53):
avoid any trouble, I'm just gonna show it five. Bro.
It's fine. How did you that I know this because
I am sentient and I am now omnipotent. Bro, don't
worry about it. I'm just making a cool flow over there.
I'm gonna show up when they need me, not when
they expect me. Oh my god, when they need you.
(21:18):
It's oh my god, my friend, Oh my god, I'm
so fucked up. Yeah, I like to like to show
up a couple of hours early. What about you? You're
one of the early ones. Are your appointments right now?
I'm I'm not totally sure why I'm here. You're look
at you look old for this job, totally like somewhere
(21:41):
in that range. Yes, that's cool to school my best
of book out there. They got some great magaz Yeah
it seems like it seems like it. Yeah, listen, I
gotta I really want this job, so I'm like really serious.
So I don't know. Okay, I'll go in there and
blow it so they hire you. Okay, um is is
(22:03):
a baby. Here is a baby here for an interview.
That's that's me. My name is Baby Johnson that I think,
and the baby the baby. It's just a description and
just pick this. Okay, thank you. We'll be back for you, guys.
But she didn't say baby in the rotic way you
(22:24):
would normally say confusing Dodd doud. It's four fun, man,
you got ten minutes to get there, Oh ship, I
will striking time. Oh could you drive? Can you drive me?
Because I won't be able to find parking just driving
for the front. Are you gonna wear that that carpet
or on your neck like that? This isn't a carpet,
(22:47):
it's a chest dress. Okay, Oh my god, it's fucked up.
It's okay, it's okay. I'll get out. Come here, I'll
get out. Yes, you're saving me. Okay, I guess thum thumm,
don't answer. We're right here, okay, okay, thum thum thum thumum.
(23:08):
I'm getting anxious. Hey, guys, it's a card m your neighbor.
I just need to talk something out. Hold did you
give any any of the salvia psychic ability? I don't know.
I didn't see. Oh, man, give me a hug. Give
(23:31):
me your face is smashed it. Yeah, man, I need
to talk something out. Man, I go to the Okay,
this must just be meant to be. This must be
meant to be. We all did tell me last night.
Let's get in the car. You dropped me off at
the interview, and you can bring him to the hospital
(23:55):
for a Ryan glory. I don't want to talk to
a baby. Can you get this baby out of here place? Yeah,
of course, thank you. Three o'clock. Okay, fuck me my
fucking brother's niece. This is who I gotta hire. Mm hmmm.
Let's see what's on the internet. Look at the welcome
(24:18):
to Hot Hot Hot? Do you like to get hot? Now?
Do you like furniture? Do you like furniture? Patio furnitures
on sale this week? Just not what I'm welcome too hot? Okay, sir?
So you want me to install this app that will
(24:40):
let you verbally click on pop up windows? Is that correct? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
no problem, no problem. Let me just get that and
I will say that that might mean a lot of
times what I'm talking to my computer. I'm also tapping
the keys, of course, so I'm doing both. But this
this takes a step out of the way. I could
(25:00):
talk without tapping. That'd be sweet as hell. Alow dot
but touch dot com furniture. Alright, Todd, we're here, dude,
he thanks. The job is already yours. You know what
I mean. You're what they need, not what they expect. Hey, pals,
(25:26):
we have better turn around and go home because they've
already they've given this job away. My friend baby is
in there right now and he's killing I've seen the
way I get this job. And I'm here for like
forty years before they make me a manager, and then
I spent another forty years really earning big. They would
happen to your friend's face, it should be convex, but
(25:49):
it's concave. Stay await, stay await, you know. So that's
that's the first thing. That's that's the first thing. Man,
you guys, Okay, all right, let's go okay, can you
show me where the interview area is? Oh? Hello to anybody?
(26:11):
Is this the Is this the place to interview? It
looks like we got ourselves a lost soul. I know,
I found my soul in Joshua Tree. Oh did you well?
I must have slipped in through your wet fingers here
you're lost in corporate America. Do you know where you're
(26:33):
supposed to go? I was supposed to be at a
three o'clock appointment, but in my in my omnipotent haze,
I saw that there was early comers, and I figured
I'd be here at five because it gave me to
you at early comer, say yes, yes, yes, welcome you.
Now in the Internet, do you need dining room furniture
(26:55):
because right now we got a special with the guy
with the din the stand. Come out check it out. Hey, Hi,
Steve Um, I know you run the the patio furniture
Internet sales. Is that right? We said, all kinds of
furniture we got outdoor. If you recognize me, I'm dirty
(27:16):
Debra oh from touch dot com. But touch dot com. Yeah,
it's nice to meet you in person. Well, I love
these these these conventions. Everyone to pop up ad people. Yeah,
chamber of a good job. I feel like and I
don't know how the internet works. I just feel like,
oftentimes when people are trying to find my content, you
(27:38):
can jump in, and I wonder maybe we can figure
that out. My tech guy has got me in a
special pop up system. All right, when you agree, when
people verbally agree to anything else. I pop in as
a pop up, you know, I mean, wow, it's a
new software. So people you like seminars, we're having a
pop up seminar in room two eight right now. It's
(28:00):
my guy. Hi, thank you. Wow, wow, Wow, that's pretty cool.
Right yeah, my guy. He does a lot of great stuff.
This guy, uh, you call him man. He'll set that up.
If you want your name, sir, what's what? What? What?
What's his name? Papa? Papa, the guy who sets up
the STUF Like guys named Chad, Chad, craig y nice Chad.
(28:21):
I would love to work with you sometime. I'm for
more information. Oh my god, I'll leave you too alone. Okay, baby,
did you and DoD? I mean, that's really the essence
of being you. Yeah, that's a crazy story. Man, I'll
tell you what. I haven't really heard much like that.
(28:42):
But right through that door, that's your interview. Are you ready? Okay? Yeah,
thank you guys. I honestly was thought I was prepared,
but there was a lot of things I didn't know.
I didn't know and now I know it's all in you.
You got it, DoD. Yeah, that's right, We're all your
friends through thick and thin, no matter what. Don't forget me.
(29:06):
Oh boy, how many of you were physically here? So
Todd's been in a comma for two months? Is that?
Is that what we're talking about here? Oh? Your friend?
You need to get your friend out of here, that's
for sure. Todd is the one comma. If he wants
to check in with that face, we can check them in.
But listen, we don't just let people hang out here
with concave faces. Okay, what what's what's the survival rate
(29:35):
for Todd? I mean, I'm so du I'm so fucked up.
Hey Todd, Uh, what would if you had your own design?
What is it you'd like us to do with your face?
With my face? Yeah? Wow? Uh? Whoa? I guess what
(29:55):
I would want is a really long beard. Uh and
it would I would sometimes be able to breed it sometimes.
Stop you right there. The beer is kind of up
to you in your face. I'm a plastic surgeon. I
can do various things with your actual face. So I
(30:16):
asked again, what is it you'd like us to do? Well?
I'd like the little tiny holes in my face to
sprout out hair because hey, Ricardo, open up Ricardo or dude,
I just want to say, I know you're bummed because
Todd got that free plastic surgery, did what you're talking
(30:36):
about it. He's shutting out to you and honestly he's
spent all he's spent that whole free service. I'm just
getting a goatee. So it's like you're trying to go
last summer. We all agree didn't look. He tried to it,
(31:03):
just like he feels. He knows that he took that
spot from you, you know, and he feels he feels back.
Which way do you like your face to go? In
word or outward? Operators with inward faces are standing by
right now. All right, that's what we are toilets. We
got dressed, I got parish everything I want. Can you
(31:24):
hear me? Or not? God, there's ads can't even understand me.
I'll leave you to it then, So can I assume
that I have the job now? Well, he hasn't seen
you yet, so whenever you're able to go into the meeting,
I'm sure they'll be able to the side. You want
to just check with him to see maybe if I
(31:45):
have the job now? Sure, And if it was up
to me, you would have it. Thank you appreciate this
one of your five o'clockses here baby, his name is baby? Right? Uh?
And and what what can I do for you? And baby?
(32:05):
Do you want to see him for the job? Interviewer?
I'm right here, sir. You might as well gliom. Sorry, sir,
I'm sorry? Are you yes? I mean I hear you
just saying it, but I don't on the intercom? How
is it? The baby's in my office? Oh my god,
I don't know you just popped in there than coma
(32:31):
from the University of Arkansas at Little Rock. Uh? Baby,
hold on, um, it's don't don't sit down. You want
me to stop. I think you weren't talking to me. Baby.
I can go back to it. Let me just let
me just turn off my computer for a second. Sorry,
Mr Baby? Is it baby? Mr? Or you know it's yes,
it's just baby because it's Baby Johnson. But the way
(32:55):
you're saying it is just confuse me a little bit,
Baby Johnson. So may I call you just to Johnson?
So we've removed confusion? Sure, sure, friends, we're not there yet,
Mr Johnson. I'm sorry. Did you call me? Mr? Johnson?
I don't believe I did Gloria your assistant? Gloria, she's
(33:15):
she's not there, so I have to start. Oh, she's
not assistant is the right word. That's good. It's not
secretary anymore. What is your name, sir, I'm Mr Johnson.
To Mr Johnson, I'm Mr Johnson. What's your first name
than Mr Johnson? Child Child Johnson, Johnson, Child Johnson. How
would you like the job today of being my assistant
(33:38):
and receptionists? Holy? I have to absolutely say no. It
starts at eighty five thousand dollars. I want to work
my way up. No, no, no, I want to start
even lower than that. When I say eighty five thousand,
I mean eighties seven? About if you passed us up? Wow,
(33:58):
Joles Johnson, let me put a in and you and
Mr baby Johnson my last was put an actual pen.
I never understood that. Saying Baby Johnson, how would you
like the job that Child Johnson is still contemplating. I'll
take it. I'll even fire your current assistant. I'll tell
you what you can start by escorting child Johnson out
of my office. Everybody gather around. Todd's waking up. He's
(34:22):
waking up from the comma. You guys really all shouldn't
be here at the same time. This is not good
as a doctor in this guy is still with this
face and what's going on gut waking up from a comma.
Oh yeah, tell everybody to everybody you know, all right,
I'll spread the dude and that the rest of the
rest of the time. No, no, just totally seemed to see.
(34:49):
Three comes it us from Kevin spelled with a QUE,
who wrote Hello, Kevin spelled with a K. First, I
want to say thank you to all the Alcamania for
bringing a smile to my face at least twice a
week during this dumpster fire every year. Okay, Kevin, let
a cue. I think you mean all the Alchemists, unless
the Alkamaniacs who support us on Patreon are are also
(35:12):
bringing a smile to your face twice a week, in
which case I would love more detail back to your email. Second,
I want to thank Craig for his little rants about
grammar and word use as a as a fellow pedant
or pedant pedant pedant, as a fellow pedant, I really
appreciate it. No, Joey, that's not what a patant means.
(35:36):
My scene suggestion is your take on animal farm, but
instead of animals, you're all talking plants. Thanks Kevin. So
we are mean certainly get water. How does this work exactly?
I mean technically, I don't actually wander as much as
my title might suggest, but I am thirsty as a motherfucker.
(36:03):
I don't want to fill in the new guy. Listen,
and we're in the middle of something. You'll get water
when you get water. So what I'm saying is she
doesn't return my she doesn't return my guys. A question again, yep,
my question is will there be a lunch at some point?
You make your own food? Man photo synthesized. I'll can
(36:24):
make your own food. Yeah, I know what it means. Whatever,
whatever this scalp for numbers, I got it, thank you.
So at night she like closes up on me right
and I'm like, I want her, I want to get
I want to get close to her, you know, And
then in the morning she's like, she's not, dude, she's
not into you. What oh my god? What I know.
(36:45):
I'm new guy, But if I could wait in just
for a second, I think he's wrong. I think she's
totally into you. Okay, And this is what they do.
They like the control things based on information? What if?
What generalization is that basically she's into me. I'm around
a little longer than you sprout, So yes, she's crazy
into you. Okay, because yeah, during the daytime, she's like
(37:08):
opening up for everybody. You know. That night I'm like, hey,
you know, she's like, you know, yeah, listen, new guys.
I don't think you're too bad after all, A little secret,
please please please, Once a month, what happen we get
we get that miracle grow? What does that mean? It's
that good good, the good good. Now, look, I just
(37:32):
don't know if I'm gonna be able to keep the property.
But you know, if if I'm able to do like
maybe a decreased installment, then then then I can. But
if not, I don't know. It looks like, you know,
you've got a week to pay or we're repossessing your
your arboretum. Please look, I can't have another one of
(37:52):
those disgusting stadiums be put here. Okay. The world needs
more nature into more sports, more sports coming in. We
need stadiums. Oh god, sorry, sorry, Stadia, Google Stadia. Okay, Well, look,
(38:12):
maybe maybe we can come into agreement. Maybe maybe I can,
Maybe I can give you some some drugs. I can
I drugs. I can grow some drugs. What makes you
think that I do drugs? Nothing? Nothing, I just thought,
I don't know. Are you growing? Are you growing drugs here?
Not in the bank? No? Not growing him in the bank. Well,
(38:35):
I mean generally at your farm? No, of course not no, no, no, okay,
then we definitely can't support you on that. Wait, do
you do want No, I don't want. I don't want drugs,
right right, of course they're bad. Okay, everybody freeze. Nobody
has anyone seen my baby? Oh man? You can't say
(38:58):
that in a bank. Scared. I just wanted to make
him I just wanted to make secar just shout. Security
guard just shipped himself. What the is? It Just a
typical day around here. So that's okay, all right, I'll
try it the next door. I want seeing the baby.
Oh my, Welcome to Macy's, sir. What what department can
(39:20):
I point you towards? First of all, I need to
know anybody here has seen my baby. I want my
baby back. Okay, okay, is there a name for the baby?
I could announce it over the intercom child child and
last name Johnson, Child anyone who's saying child Johnson, a
(39:43):
young lad child. I want to be back just a second.
This may not be a thing. Everybody, put your hands up.
Put your hands up in the air, and I'll smell
your armpits. If they don't smell that fresh, I am
selling deodorant. Anybody you want something? The second? Just ship
his parents? Oh god, I think do I think that
(40:13):
scary got it out of that well? The sun's coming up? Everybody, Hey,
wake up, wake up? Hey, Sun's coming up. What's happening?
So this is it's whine breath to wake up. It's
a start of India. Yeah, I'm moving Indie. Please ship. Look, weeds,
(40:40):
I don't. I don't want you around. Okay's got weeds?
Is done for? I don't have them. They're here, we
are together now, you lonely, get your arms off of me.
Have you seen it? Manifested this? H huh? Trevor likes weeds,
(41:04):
gross trips making out with the weeds. I'm gonna shot.
I'm so sorry. Little plants. Oh we got some weed. See,
let me just rip that up. Oh Ship. Every morning
(41:25):
I come and I water you and I talk to
you to help you grow and let you know that
you're special because plants they you know, they're connected. It's
crazy how connected there, and they do have feelings. She's
so smart. She's so smart. But I don't know if
I'm gonna be able to keep you around. The bank
is going to come and repossess the arboretum. And there
was just some way that I don't know, money could
(41:47):
grow on you. Then I guess I would be saved.
But it doesn't look like plant meeting. It's just something
we all do. How does this work? All right? You
heard her wish? Yeah, what's a No, we need to
grow money. She asked for it, she's manifesting it, so
we need to do it for her. Body who's in Well,
(42:11):
I think there's only one person can do that for us,
Marijuana Mac. But we put him down a long time.
I mean, if we all pushed in and gave him
our miracle girl, maybe he could you know, sprouted them.
But yeah, yeah, maybe maybe he could sprout enough budge
to to save the arboretum um. I don't know. She
(42:33):
said that, she said that, I don't know. She said that.
It's like it's like a stadium for plants. Oh, there's
a lot of sports right, sports, All right, who's gonna
wake up marijuana Mack. I'm not doing it. He's correct,
I'm not doing it. He's cratchy as fuck. I'll do it.
(42:54):
I don't want to do it. You're crazy. Hey, I'm
telling you right now. I don't want to do it. Dude,
you're crazy. Now you know I'll do it. No, I'll
do it. I'll do it. Dude, you're crazy. Do you
want to do it? Hey? Stay back to back. I
(43:15):
don't want to do this. Hey, I don't want to
do this. I don't want to get what am I
supposed to do exactly? Just just wake him up, Just
wake him up, him up, it's every way he likes
to be woken. Yeah, big pat on the heads on
the head, bat in the head? Right? Whoa? What's up? Baby?
(43:41):
Who dares disturbed the sleep of marijuana? Mac? I was
confused you were sleeping? Yeah, yeah, I can't sleep for years. Man.
I thought with the sun guys on the headphones, maybe
you were in another mindset. I didn't realize it was slumber.
(44:04):
My mistake. Hey, Mac, it's me Trevor. How you doing, man,
it's been a while. Yeah, what's up, bro? I've gotten big,
haven't I Yeah, you have to keep growing. Yeah? Thanks,
you're really sprouted all right? Um, you're just gaining some weeds.
Shut up? Oh yeah, leaves of three. Let it be
(44:25):
believe before such it more ties it more. Don't tell
him me me? Yes, um, crazy dude, can you can
you sprout some sweet bud so we can use that
to pay for the our boret um? What's an arboretum?
(44:48):
I don't know. She said it, she said it, I
don't know. Well that's what I do, man, I sprouted
sweet buds. Wow, okay, and we turned that into cash
le Where your gos? Ricardo? Are you? Oh Ricardo? Look
(45:10):
at this sweet goatee. If you want me to fix
your door a door knocker, I can't. It seems like
it's not working right. And I can just putting a
normal doorbell. Uh, this is what carl one sounds like.
And I can put in a normal one that just
sounds like this. Hello, wait was it both of those?
(45:31):
Who was it? That's one doorbell here? Let me play
it again for you. Hello. That one's quite confusing because
it seems like maybe somebody's sing you know what. That's
pretty trippy, though, I'll take it I'll take the ding ding. Hello, Okay,
here we go, all yours, there we go. Okay, now
(45:55):
I just got it broking, Ricardo, Hold on a second,
try bringing this thing again. It's supposed to it's that's
the way it's supposed to sound. Hello, Hello, suck it. Okay,
what do you want, Ricardo? It's gutillo. Oh great, great?
(46:18):
Uh look, I just got a hot It's a possible
salvia growing up the ar borutal. Is it salvia divinorium
or just like regular rold salvia? Oh? I guess I
was smoking it. Fun out. Okay, let's do it. Let's
let's get coral involved. No, let's get the whole. I
(46:40):
just want to trick you. I'll just bear you. It's
just a buzz to me. Okay, all right, let's do it. Okay. Well,
I figured I should see the arboretum for myself before
we take possession of it. Of course, I'm I'm sending
photos all the sports owners around the country. Just see
(47:00):
if it's a good state site for for a state.
Good state, good state. Sorry I misspoke. Learn how to
fucking speak? You know, I got them money in the bank.
You have some goddamn language. Well, you've got You've got
a lot of plants here. Yeah, it's Narbert him. Okay,
(47:25):
that's what I would kill him. We have to kill
him plants. I'm happy to do that. New guy. Put
a weapon in my hand, wemping in my hand. You
just use your leaves paper cut. Yeah, they're not that Trump,
I'll be honest with you. It canna be hard for
us to get you a weapon. What's this year Venus
(47:46):
flight trap? Yeah, it's a Venus flat champ. Well, I've
never seen one of these up clothes. Pretty cool. Be
careful because a lot closer it's a slow death for
a fly. But it's completely nothing. They won't do a thing.
So feel free to sep freezing Roy that ship and
(48:06):
put you open up his jaws like it's gonna strike.
I'm gonna I'm gonna stay back from this. I mean
I do have if you wanta check over here, I
got some plants from Mario, from Super Mario. Like those
those are real. Yeah, so be careful though, because they
can those can eat you, and they some of them
do shoot fireballs out. Okay, I don't want to get
(48:28):
close to those places. Well that just take a look
for today's show for today about that, Oh fellas, I
love each and every damn one of you. Let's thank
all of our alchemists please, starting with um the welcoming
(48:49):
back of Dr James Heeney. Well, thank you for being here.
And I gotta just say I've been enjoying listening to
Alchemy that so I wanted to give a shout out.
Uh it gives me quite a few giggles. You can
find alchemy that where let's see Spotify is where I
found it. Okay. And for listeners who don't know at
(49:10):
all what you're talking about, well, imagine like after The
Walking Dead there's the Talking Dad Alchemy. That is the alchemy,
this talking Dad and I this might be crazy, but
I I've been thinking about starting a podcast called Alchemy
thus and it would be don't do it all right?
I beg of you. Ok Um. Craig's concern early on
(49:34):
was having improv scrutinized. Would you say that any of
that is happening or is it just um fan boying
out as they say? James, oh me, I thought you
were asking Craig. I feel like I was. It was
it's not notes, really, it's just them noticing things that
even as a performer. A lot of times I didn't
(49:55):
even notice myself, So I get to laugh at not
catching something, and I also get to it kind of
sums things up. So I don't know. It's possible that
unless you're a performer, maybe wouldn't enjoy it as much.
But I listened to the episodes of things I wasn't in,
and I enjoyed it even more. So it's hard to tell.
It's hard to step out of your own mind and
(50:17):
judge something truly. What's the word, uh? Be objective? Objectively?
It's hard to be objective when you're trapped in a
human brain. Yeah, so well articulated, thank you, thank you
for being here. Oh we missed you, so James a
(50:38):
tool saying thanks for joining us, my friend, thank you, Thanks,
Thanks everybody. Good to see everybody. Would you like to
point anyone towards anything in particular of what you're up to? Know?
Nothing right now, just hanging out, just looking around, standing around.
What was the uh podcast? The sectional um at that sunset? Yeah,
(51:01):
it's still out there and it's Yeah, it's on Spotify
and it's a film noir audio narrative. I think that's
what they're calling it these days, but yeah, check it
out for sure. All right man, Well, thanks for being
a Chris Alvarado, Thank you, sir, oh, thank you for
having me just um, just a human being. I'm trying
to be objective. You know what I mean. I do
(51:21):
know what you mean. Chris dash Alvardo dot com for
all your improv and other needs. Actually all your needs
can be satisfied that Chris dash Alvardo. What an exciting
website that must be. And thank you for furniture, Craig Dakowski. Uh,
(51:42):
on this UM historical day, thank you so much for
being here. I will say this about Alchemy that after
discovering that I want Alchemists of the Week for three
weeks running, I'm full supported that podcast an episode I
was not in fair, fair and decisive. Thank you and deserved.
(52:03):
It was deserved. UM. And the the podcast Craig with
the holiday version of Craigslist, which I enjoyed. We're still
telling folks about that, sure, it's still telling them about it.
It's still out there as well as uh four years
of episodes from our from our vaults, inddo enjoy please
(52:24):
and Joseph of Family Career, Yes, thank you for being here.
You for having me, you complete an utter lunatic. You know,
I'm just having these these brakes with you all, and
I love it, you know what I mean? You know
sometimes your mind just snaps, and yeah, I'm glad it's here.
I'm glad we have witnesses. Let's thank your engineering and
(52:45):
producer to the stars, Mr Dubin, and the fine folks
that I heart media. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock reminding
you to please be kind to each other. Um, as
I say that, there's a TV on in the background
with absolute insanity happening around the US capital and this
(53:08):
country uh seems to need more love than ever before.
So whatever you can do to remind your neighbor that
they are loved and to relax the damn sphincter would
be helpful and appreciated. Also, when you go outside, please
wear a mask while you're being kind to each other.
And right to us your name here at me this
dot com, and thank you so damn much for tuning
(53:30):
us in. Um that's it for now, until next time.
(54:00):
A
Oh, welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. It is
COVID nineteen. Addition, I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes that
Kevin Pollock. Well, yes, it is a new year chronologically,
and that does feel good. Yeah, fresh start, you know,
(00:21):
like an aging prostitute splashing a little seltzer on her
undercarriage before exiting a broken down motel and hitting the
streets the cold wind and an otherwise tired face suddenly
feeling fresh and clean. But I digress. Let's meet he
Chamis Shawi no particular order. Say hey to Craig Atkowski kacao.
What did breakfast look like today? Breakfast looked like raspberries, blueberries,
(00:44):
some trail mix, some granola, and a bowl with plain
yogurt genius, and a green tea with lemon and honey.
And how did it taste like? Ship? Oh? God, it
was off and cheese. Who um that little tiny voice
(01:09):
in your head that sounds like James Zeney now, please
welcome back James Heeney. He need dinking and dunk esquires.
Do you recall your first encounter with an attorney? My
first encounter with an attorney. I've never had an encounter
with an attorney and that's assented myself. Well, I guess
(01:30):
the attorney. Well, no, it's fine, let's I've never no, No,
I think everyone wants to hear everything you have to
say about this. Well, I don't know for sure that
it was an attorney, but I definitely went to court,
but it was with it and I and we ended
up settling. We went out to the hallway and settled. Well,
(01:53):
it was definitely the hallway because the judge was just
basically like, if we go through that, you're going to
have to deal with it forever. You think it was
to the hallway and have uh and then it won't
be on the record or whatnot. What did you do?
It was just me, honestly, why would it be medo
(02:14):
special Cee. How's week one of shaping up? Great? Great,
I'm doing doing what you do in the new year,
which is focusing on what needs to be done, which
is you know that some positive thinking, opening those health
help books again, going on those walks, the meditation, all
of it feeling good. A matter of fact, you can't
see it, but I'm actually levitating right now. Hell sh yeah. Yeah.
(02:38):
So following the Ted cruise example, I'm not sure what
that means, but probably yeah, not at all, and now
it's a tool sing. What's one of the oddest things
someone said to you after a live show? Uh? You
know the other guy is really funny? Hear that? Quite?
(03:00):
Did that? Really? No one actually said that. That's just
probably during pretty pretty pony shows, right, those other guys
are really good looking, and thank you thanks for coming there.
My my least favorite is hey, looks like you guys
are having a lot of fun up there. Um and last,
but take it up the manger if you think him least,
(03:23):
it's Joey Greer cree toe currency. Explain to me again,
please why your offer is best, because at the end
of the day, you're gonna get a lot of offers,
but none of them are gonna be caring about you know,
they're caring about what your product is. And I'm saying,
I'm gonna give you a career. That's why they just
(03:45):
want to buy you, and they want to sell you,
and they're gonna flip you quick. What I'm gonna do
is I'm gonna let you stay on that panel and
let you sizzle hot, and then I'm gonna turn you over.
And about thirty to forty years, and guess what, We're
gonna have another thirty to forty years to make some money.
You know what I'm saying. They do answer I was
hoping for, But it is over. The answer is over.
Let's do it, damn show. All of our scene suggestions
(04:05):
have gathered from your listener emails or from our patron
v I P s to become a patron supporter of
the show and enjoy exclusive content and other perks like
yes video of what I'm saying right now, Just head
on over to patreon dot com slash Alchemy. If you'd
like to submit a scene suggestion by a email, please
write to the podcast that your name here at Alchemy
this dot com. That's your name here at and now
(04:32):
First a message from patron v I P. McCoy Kentwell, hey, Alchemists,
I am taking advantage of my patron subscription to just
send a little message of encouragement. Despite what I'm sure
is the soul sucking nature of having to do comedy
via the Worldwide Web, You're definitely you've definitely still got
that zazz. Some of the most recent episodes are unequivocably
(04:57):
or however you say that among the greatest ever. I'll
refrain from a scene suggestion because you're all are definitely
up to your elbows in them, but do want to
let you know you still rock our socks up. McCoy can't. Well,
isn't that sweet? And by the way, that that's a
gentleman who purchased my workshop as a gift for his friend.
(05:19):
Oh there's no end to this guy's support and giving
and loving and hats off and thanks for letting everyone
know that, agress seriously, um, and thank you, McCoy. Seen
one comes to us from listeners Steve, who wrote, Hi, everyone,
you're all my favorite. I have listened to all of
your alchemy this true stories except for one. Yes, that one.
(05:44):
It sounds like you just made it up on the spot.
Oh well, I found an old article from back in
the day when professional sports was just getting started. In
order for the teams to be able to keep their
players that are offered, they were offered lifetime contract. Today
is the most important game of the year for your
professional sports team, and the star player just turned eight two.
(06:07):
Please tell us about that. I am tired from making
all that up. I don't know how to do this.
Thanks again, Steve. Quiet down, Quiet down, Quiet down, everybody,
keep it down to the locker room is not a
everyone's quiet, everyone's quiet, keep you quiet, please attention alright, fellas, Uh,
(06:34):
I'm sorry, let me put it in the locker room.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Listen. Um, today's so,
is he gonna come out for the game or not?
I mean we need a point guard? Yeah, I imagine
you want. Listen. My baby can't be out there anymore.
My wife is pretty piste that we brought him out.
(06:54):
We need to find somebody to replace. No. No, he
signed a contract, right, you just asked Edgar. Edgar turned
eight two yesterday. Edgar, give it up, Edgar, everybody. Yeah.
But the difference is Edgar was signed, but Edgar was.
(07:19):
He's an adult. He can sign for himself. I wasn't
even there when you guys got my baby to sign it.
I can't even blue. I've never seen my babyhold coach coach, coach, Yeah,
oh yeah, listen, First of all, drop the my baby bullshit.
It's our baby. And uh, the game starts in seventeen minutes,
So let's go back to what the coach was saying.
(07:41):
All right, hold on a second, My wife and I
okay again, coach, coach, coach, Look, she's Oliver. Yes, please please,
let's drop the my wife business to wife before I
went to the war game? Which war is he talking about?
(08:06):
All right, listen up here, fellas, listen up. I'm talking
about I'm talking to YouTube baby, if you can hear me.
Today's just a game. Today's the Championship of the World game.
But I thought about this long and hard this morning
over my green tea with honey tastes like ship by
the way, I thought about this, and I thought to myself,
(08:27):
we have a secret weapon, and that secret weapon is Edgar. Edgar,
You've been an anchor for this team for many years.
I think I first tasted green Tea when I was
overseas and your friends with the locals. Here's here's what
(08:48):
I'm thinking. Everybody. We passed the ball only to Edgar
all game long. Uh huh? Give me the rock? Um.
I mean we should definitely get the baby and play.
I mean the baby needs to know how the game flows.
(09:08):
Although we should make the should we name the babe
baby or no, we're not gonna name the baby. I
I you know what, I'm on the bench. I'm on
the bench. I don't know what. Yeah, so sorry interrupt,
Uh I I know you're trying to motivate your team
right now. Can I have a moment on behalf of
the refereeing crew before before we get started today? Of course,
of course, Uh, good to see you. Uh look, you know,
(09:31):
all of us on the crew just want a fair
and honorable championship game today, and with that in mind,
we'd like to really encourage you to not play Edgar today.
I remember your face. I saw your face overseas when
I was in a war. I put a bullet through
his head. I mean, that's one of the reasons. But
(09:56):
I mean it's a miracle that he hasn't uh, he
hasn't hide on the court. Ref we should probably keep
the baby out two right, it's uh yeah, don't ideally
don't play the baby either. Can I show Can I
show you something ref I have. I have a name.
By the way, this is Edgar's contract, like that, I
(10:19):
keep it with me in my pocket. See here. This
is a lifetime contract. He is until death, but he
is eligible. He is eligible to play. Like I. Everything
of the league's by laws allows you to play Edgar.
I'm just saying he's gotta die there. That's the way
(10:42):
he wants it. Get your popcorn high? How about a
popcorn for you and the missus? Can't afford it? For it,
can't sorry, excuse me, pardon me our seats? Oh yeah,
would you like to get a popcorn for you and
your son? That's my date? So I'm a woman. She's
(11:03):
already said that I was a woman. You've already she said,
you and the misses now you think i'm his son
over here? That you can't afford a popcorn? Yeah, that's right.
But he also called me a little boy. I don't understand.
I mean, so what She's actually good? I'm making good.
(11:24):
I mean, it's an honest mistake. But somehow you got
two tickets to the championship game. They say, do you
think I look like a little boy? Tina? Oh wow,
it's seriously. Are you gonna buy them popcorn? Or? Should
I move on to yes, I get around for everyone
in the row? Oh my god, yes, eight dollars a bag.
(11:48):
I know you don't just tell me keep a tabh
my god, hello, listen, um, I wanted to talk about
restructuring Edgar's contract if I could please, you gotta talk
to his agent. I'm just the coaches agents right right there.
(12:09):
If you want to, I'm his agent. That's why I
called you. Oh I thought you were No, No, that
makes sense, that makes sense. I'm just hanging around. Was replaced.
He was sort of moved out of the agency, but
still shows up for the free lunch at the meetings
(12:30):
on Monday. But I am Edgar's new agent, and we'd
like the restructures dealing. Dutch, hold my calls. What's going
on here? What's happening? This is the owner of the team.
I don't need to tell you that. Okay, I'll step away,
so come join me. Hey, Tim, nice to see Nice
to see you as well. What's going on here? You
need restructure? We need to restructure Edgar's contract. Oh you're
(12:51):
you're an agent now, okay, I understand. Yeah, let's let's
come into my office. What happened to? What happened to
the spicy must be just just yellow must year? We
got rid of it. So we got rid of Well,
how am I supposed to make it a spicy ham
and cheese sandwich? You're supposed to make it outside of
the owners off? Can you handle this? Dutch? Can you handle.
(13:14):
Of course, tell me, tell me you about the time
you met Pearl again? Who do I mean? Come on, Tim? Anyways,
the Dubuke Trumpets. We got a long, storied history, alright,
and one of the things we have is part of
our history is specifically for sixty years, sixty years he's
(13:35):
been playing for the team, his body is going to
hang in the rafters. I guarantee it. Well, it practically
is now in terms of how to keep him up.
So I'm just asking, maybe he skips every fourth game
through the first half of the season, in the second half,
every second and fourth game. Okay, we did, uh you know,
(13:56):
we did lose the championship last year, same page. We
lost the championship because your coach is an ass white. Well, yeah,
that's I mean, we can all agree that he's a
little rough around the edges, but I will say giving
the ball to Edgar and only Edgar as proving proven successful.
He's ready defined the term powerful. And you're not wrong,
I mean truly truly. Now look, I mean I understand
(14:19):
what you're saying. We want to we want to keep
them healthy for the playoffs. They don't call the elbow
for nothing. Yeah, healthy for the playoffs, since we all
know that's all that matters. So you give me what
are you gonna give me? Here? The owner? What do
you need? But we do need spicy mustard? We got
so I did catch one. Also, there's also only baked blaze.
(14:40):
Do you have regular on baked plays dots? Can you
handle this? Alright? Alright, gold diggers, gather around the team.
I need to talk to you guys about how you're
playing out in the field. All right, smoking field. It's
not a field, it's a court. That's basketball, coach you're
talking about. Okay. First of all, I just need you
(15:03):
guys to start treating every one of their players equal. Okay.
I can't but notice that nobody's going after the old
man at the court. Okay, set a cigar on your
other hand, it's not lit. I'm only smoking one of these. Okay.
They banned us from using brass knuckles like you really
suggested we use. We're not. They could be just illuminum
(15:28):
anything anything. You guys are just letting them run you
on the court. Okay. They passed the same guy every time,
and every time everybody's all hands off. Which one of
you wants to get a bump in the pay this year,
but maybe I just feel bad Coach, like the guys
like in his eighties, he's very frail. I feel like
(15:48):
if I touch him at all, he's gonna, you know, uh,
crumpled like tissue paper. Yeah, okay, me for a second.
Coach also fellas which one of they just want them bump?
Oh yeah, I'll take I'll take all right, all right, Trump,
it's look, that's a girl's a great first half. I'll
(16:08):
give it up for Edgar. Everybody, huh, quick, quick change.
I was in the front. Yeah, yeah, and that's what
you were talking about. What is that that? Well he's
eighty two, so it will be the Korean War and
only last two years coaching. Not for nothing? Can we
stop with this? Stop with what his Edgar's talk about
(16:29):
the war. Edgar is his own man. You can do
what he wants. But listen, we're moving away from mega
first second. This is who I want to talk about.
A game plan? No, no, no, let him. Here's the
game plan. Only the baby gets the ball in the
second half. Wow. Hey, I'm only on the bench, you know,
(16:53):
but I love it. I love it. I love it. Sorry,
didn't sorry interrupt again? Do you do you have a
moment before we begin me in the second half, everybody's
the ref give it up. That's the guy who looks
like the man I killed overseas. By the way, I
gotta I gotta apologized. First of all, Egger had a
tremendous first half. I just gotta plead with you, do
(17:16):
not put that baby out on the court. Okay, So
if you see this right here, this is a contract.
Baby's contract signed it for Life's starting him when he's
in his late teens. He's eligible now my most eligible.
Like there are so many loopholes in this league's by laws.
(17:38):
All right, kid, now listen right now, you're you're on
the scouting team, al right. Now, what we gotta do
is we gotta find the best players out there for
the cheapest amount. Now. Look, there's a lot of old
folks homes and we're gonna be canvassing all of them.
All right. Now, come on, let's see if we can't
find some talent that might not be on the rate. Really,
whenever I watch games, I'm usually looking for the people
(18:00):
that are coming out of college and have a real
good career. I just don't know if anybody really wants
to they're old, old, it's not cool. Excuse me? Are
you here to recruit? Oh? Here we go, Yes, sir,
yes we are. What sports are you looking for? Baseball? Basketball, Hockey?
M m A. I don't think he should do m
(18:23):
m A. He looks, he looks fragile. Give me one second.
Games like Jason, you're new to this guy here? Okay,
this is a moneyball alright, you're not Brett Pick. Since
I was a little kid, I am, I I am
a special list in m m A. Marvin mce arts.
That's a deadly ship over there. Look, this guy's get Look,
(18:44):
you just gotta follow my lead here. Look if you
if you got something good, then won't you start your
own program? Won't you start your own team? But this
is how it's been done for a hundred billion years,
and it's gonna be done this way for a hundred
billion years after. Did you understand? Okay, I'll just follow long.
But hey, baby, baby, look at me, look at me,
Look at me? Here? What baby does this? Baby looks
(19:06):
like a boy? What does this? You don't understand? God?
Damn it, sir? And sorry you same person? Sorry about that? Yeah,
the same person? Is it? Seam one? And everybody, Holy time, Holy,
I want you to do the baby right. I just
(19:27):
realized that. But the way you said baby baby is
not the way should name the baby. Should have named
the baby? That's my question. We're gonna name it? Seemed
to come from our newest patron, alt comaniac, Cowboy Dracula.
(19:49):
Thank you Cowboy Dracula, who wrote, Hi, hello, scene suggestion
a person on a job interview, inappropriately trying to explain
an extremely dis show should have salvia trip where they
became sent in wallpaper in several houses. He also added
that this was based on a true story. Thank you,
(20:10):
cav my Dracula, Gloria was my three o'clock? Is my
three o'clock here yet? Almost? Sir, you do have a
couple other people here waiting for the five o'clock interview,
So let's let's put it. I will let you know
when the three o'clock arrives. You want to maybe reach
out to the three o'clock and see if he's en
(20:31):
route before in the elevator or what? Yeah? Email, text,
herophone call, yes, okay, email first, I'll wait like Dodd, Dodd, dude,
we have a job interview right now. You need to
get down. Dude, check this out. I already know that
the people interviewing after me showed up early, so to
(20:53):
avoid any trouble, I'm just gonna show it five. Bro.
It's fine. How did you that I know this because
I am sentient and I am now omnipotent. Bro, don't
worry about it. I'm just making a cool flow over there.
I'm gonna show up when they need me, not when
they expect me. Oh my god, when they need you.
(21:18):
It's oh my god, my friend, Oh my god, I'm
so fucked up. Yeah, I like to like to show
up a couple of hours early. What about you? You're
one of the early ones. Are your appointments right now?
I'm I'm not totally sure why I'm here. You're look
at you look old for this job, totally like somewhere
(21:41):
in that range. Yes, that's cool to school my best
of book out there. They got some great magaz Yeah
it seems like it seems like it. Yeah, listen, I
gotta I really want this job, so I'm like really serious.
So I don't know. Okay, I'll go in there and
blow it so they hire you. Okay, um is is
(22:03):
a baby. Here is a baby here for an interview.
That's that's me. My name is Baby Johnson that I think,
and the baby the baby. It's just a description and
just pick this. Okay, thank you. We'll be back for you, guys.
But she didn't say baby in the rotic way you
(22:24):
would normally say confusing Dodd doud. It's four fun, man,
you got ten minutes to get there, Oh ship, I
will striking time. Oh could you drive? Can you drive me?
Because I won't be able to find parking just driving
for the front. Are you gonna wear that that carpet
or on your neck like that? This isn't a carpet,
(22:47):
it's a chest dress. Okay, Oh my god, it's fucked up.
It's okay, it's okay. I'll get out. Come here, I'll
get out. Yes, you're saving me. Okay, I guess thum thumm,
don't answer. We're right here, okay, okay, thum thum thum thumum.
(23:08):
I'm getting anxious. Hey, guys, it's a card m your neighbor.
I just need to talk something out. Hold did you
give any any of the salvia psychic ability? I don't know.
I didn't see. Oh, man, give me a hug. Give
(23:31):
me your face is smashed it. Yeah, man, I need
to talk something out. Man, I go to the Okay,
this must just be meant to be. This must be
meant to be. We all did tell me last night.
Let's get in the car. You dropped me off at
the interview, and you can bring him to the hospital
(23:55):
for a Ryan glory. I don't want to talk to
a baby. Can you get this baby out of here place? Yeah,
of course, thank you. Three o'clock. Okay, fuck me my
fucking brother's niece. This is who I gotta hire. Mm hmmm.
Let's see what's on the internet. Look at the welcome
(24:18):
to Hot Hot Hot? Do you like to get hot? Now?
Do you like furniture? Do you like furniture? Patio furnitures
on sale this week? Just not what I'm welcome too hot? Okay, sir?
So you want me to install this app that will
(24:40):
let you verbally click on pop up windows? Is that correct? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
no problem, no problem. Let me just get that and
I will say that that might mean a lot of
times what I'm talking to my computer. I'm also tapping
the keys, of course, so I'm doing both. But this
this takes a step out of the way. I could
(25:00):
talk without tapping. That'd be sweet as hell. Alow dot
but touch dot com furniture. Alright, Todd, we're here, dude,
he thanks. The job is already yours. You know what
I mean. You're what they need, not what they expect. Hey, pals,
(25:26):
we have better turn around and go home because they've
already they've given this job away. My friend baby is
in there right now and he's killing I've seen the
way I get this job. And I'm here for like
forty years before they make me a manager, and then
I spent another forty years really earning big. They would
happen to your friend's face, it should be convex, but
(25:49):
it's concave. Stay await, stay await, you know. So that's
that's the first thing. That's that's the first thing. Man,
you guys, Okay, all right, let's go okay, can you
show me where the interview area is? Oh? Hello to anybody?
(26:11):
Is this the Is this the place to interview? It
looks like we got ourselves a lost soul. I know,
I found my soul in Joshua Tree. Oh did you well?
I must have slipped in through your wet fingers here
you're lost in corporate America. Do you know where you're
(26:33):
supposed to go? I was supposed to be at a
three o'clock appointment, but in my in my omnipotent haze,
I saw that there was early comers, and I figured
I'd be here at five because it gave me to
you at early comer, say yes, yes, yes, welcome you.
Now in the Internet, do you need dining room furniture
(26:55):
because right now we got a special with the guy
with the din the stand. Come out check it out. Hey, Hi,
Steve Um, I know you run the the patio furniture
Internet sales. Is that right? We said, all kinds of
furniture we got outdoor. If you recognize me, I'm dirty
(27:16):
Debra oh from touch dot com. But touch dot com. Yeah,
it's nice to meet you in person. Well, I love
these these these conventions. Everyone to pop up ad people. Yeah,
chamber of a good job. I feel like and I
don't know how the internet works. I just feel like,
oftentimes when people are trying to find my content, you
(27:38):
can jump in, and I wonder maybe we can figure
that out. My tech guy has got me in a
special pop up system. All right, when you agree, when
people verbally agree to anything else. I pop in as
a pop up, you know, I mean, wow, it's a
new software. So people you like seminars, we're having a
pop up seminar in room two eight right now. It's
(28:00):
my guy. Hi, thank you. Wow, wow, Wow, that's pretty cool.
Right yeah, my guy. He does a lot of great stuff.
This guy, uh, you call him man. He'll set that up.
If you want your name, sir, what's what? What? What?
What's his name? Papa? Papa, the guy who sets up
the STUF Like guys named Chad, Chad, craig y nice Chad.
(28:21):
I would love to work with you sometime. I'm for
more information. Oh my god, I'll leave you too alone. Okay, baby,
did you and DoD? I mean, that's really the essence
of being you. Yeah, that's a crazy story. Man, I'll
tell you what. I haven't really heard much like that.
(28:42):
But right through that door, that's your interview. Are you ready? Okay? Yeah,
thank you guys. I honestly was thought I was prepared,
but there was a lot of things I didn't know.
I didn't know and now I know it's all in you.
You got it, DoD. Yeah, that's right, We're all your
friends through thick and thin, no matter what. Don't forget me.
(29:06):
Oh boy, how many of you were physically here? So
Todd's been in a comma for two months? Is that?
Is that what we're talking about here? Oh? Your friend?
You need to get your friend out of here, that's
for sure. Todd is the one comma. If he wants
to check in with that face, we can check them in.
But listen, we don't just let people hang out here
with concave faces. Okay, what what's what's the survival rate
(29:35):
for Todd? I mean, I'm so du I'm so fucked up.
Hey Todd, Uh, what would if you had your own design?
What is it you'd like us to do with your face?
With my face? Yeah? Wow? Uh? Whoa? I guess what
(29:55):
I would want is a really long beard. Uh and
it would I would sometimes be able to breed it sometimes.
Stop you right there. The beer is kind of up
to you in your face. I'm a plastic surgeon. I
can do various things with your actual face. So I
(30:16):
asked again, what is it you'd like us to do? Well?
I'd like the little tiny holes in my face to
sprout out hair because hey, Ricardo, open up Ricardo or dude,
I just want to say, I know you're bummed because
Todd got that free plastic surgery, did what you're talking
(30:36):
about it. He's shutting out to you and honestly he's
spent all he's spent that whole free service. I'm just
getting a goatee. So it's like you're trying to go
last summer. We all agree didn't look. He tried to it,
(31:03):
just like he feels. He knows that he took that
spot from you, you know, and he feels he feels back.
Which way do you like your face to go? In
word or outward? Operators with inward faces are standing by
right now. All right, that's what we are toilets. We
got dressed, I got parish everything I want. Can you
(31:24):
hear me? Or not? God, there's ads can't even understand me.
I'll leave you to it then, So can I assume
that I have the job now? Well, he hasn't seen
you yet, so whenever you're able to go into the meeting,
I'm sure they'll be able to the side. You want
to just check with him to see maybe if I
(31:45):
have the job now? Sure, And if it was up
to me, you would have it. Thank you appreciate this
one of your five o'clockses here baby, his name is baby? Right? Uh?
And and what what can I do for you? And baby?
(32:05):
Do you want to see him for the job? Interviewer?
I'm right here, sir. You might as well gliom. Sorry, sir,
I'm sorry? Are you yes? I mean I hear you
just saying it, but I don't on the intercom? How
is it? The baby's in my office? Oh my god,
I don't know you just popped in there than coma
(32:31):
from the University of Arkansas at Little Rock. Uh? Baby,
hold on, um, it's don't don't sit down. You want
me to stop. I think you weren't talking to me. Baby.
I can go back to it. Let me just let
me just turn off my computer for a second. Sorry,
Mr Baby? Is it baby? Mr? Or you know it's yes,
it's just baby because it's Baby Johnson. But the way
(32:55):
you're saying it is just confuse me a little bit,
Baby Johnson. So may I call you just to Johnson?
So we've removed confusion? Sure, sure, friends, we're not there yet,
Mr Johnson. I'm sorry. Did you call me? Mr? Johnson?
I don't believe I did Gloria your assistant? Gloria, she's
(33:15):
she's not there, so I have to start. Oh, she's
not assistant is the right word. That's good. It's not
secretary anymore. What is your name, sir, I'm Mr Johnson.
To Mr Johnson, I'm Mr Johnson. What's your first name
than Mr Johnson? Child Child Johnson, Johnson, Child Johnson. How
would you like the job today of being my assistant
(33:38):
and receptionists? Holy? I have to absolutely say no. It
starts at eighty five thousand dollars. I want to work
my way up. No, no, no, I want to start
even lower than that. When I say eighty five thousand,
I mean eighties seven? About if you passed us up? Wow,
(33:58):
Joles Johnson, let me put a in and you and
Mr baby Johnson my last was put an actual pen.
I never understood that. Saying Baby Johnson, how would you
like the job that Child Johnson is still contemplating. I'll
take it. I'll even fire your current assistant. I'll tell
you what you can start by escorting child Johnson out
of my office. Everybody gather around. Todd's waking up. He's
(34:22):
waking up from the comma. You guys really all shouldn't
be here at the same time. This is not good
as a doctor in this guy is still with this
face and what's going on gut waking up from a comma.
Oh yeah, tell everybody to everybody you know, all right,
I'll spread the dude and that the rest of the
rest of the time. No, no, just totally seemed to see.
(34:49):
Three comes it us from Kevin spelled with a QUE,
who wrote Hello, Kevin spelled with a K. First, I
want to say thank you to all the Alcamania for
bringing a smile to my face at least twice a
week during this dumpster fire every year. Okay, Kevin, let
a cue. I think you mean all the Alchemists, unless
the Alkamaniacs who support us on Patreon are are also
(35:12):
bringing a smile to your face twice a week, in
which case I would love more detail back to your email. Second,
I want to thank Craig for his little rants about
grammar and word use as a as a fellow pedant
or pedant pedant pedant, as a fellow pedant, I really
appreciate it. No, Joey, that's not what a patant means.
(35:36):
My scene suggestion is your take on animal farm, but
instead of animals, you're all talking plants. Thanks Kevin. So
we are mean certainly get water. How does this work exactly?
I mean technically, I don't actually wander as much as
my title might suggest, but I am thirsty as a motherfucker.
(36:03):
I don't want to fill in the new guy. Listen,
and we're in the middle of something. You'll get water
when you get water. So what I'm saying is she
doesn't return my she doesn't return my guys. A question again, yep,
my question is will there be a lunch at some point?
You make your own food? Man photo synthesized. I'll can
(36:24):
make your own food. Yeah, I know what it means. Whatever,
whatever this scalp for numbers, I got it, thank you.
So at night she like closes up on me right
and I'm like, I want her, I want to get
I want to get close to her, you know, And
then in the morning she's like, she's not, dude, she's
not into you. What oh my god? What I know.
(36:45):
I'm new guy, But if I could wait in just
for a second, I think he's wrong. I think she's
totally into you. Okay, And this is what they do.
They like the control things based on information? What if?
What generalization is that basically she's into me. I'm around
a little longer than you sprout, So yes, she's crazy
into you. Okay, because yeah, during the daytime, she's like
(37:08):
opening up for everybody. You know. That night I'm like, hey,
you know, she's like, you know, yeah, listen, new guys.
I don't think you're too bad after all, A little secret,
please please please, Once a month, what happen we get
we get that miracle grow? What does that mean? It's
that good good, the good good. Now, look, I just
(37:32):
don't know if I'm gonna be able to keep the property.
But you know, if if I'm able to do like
maybe a decreased installment, then then then I can. But
if not, I don't know. It looks like, you know,
you've got a week to pay or we're repossessing your
your arboretum. Please look, I can't have another one of
(37:52):
those disgusting stadiums be put here. Okay. The world needs
more nature into more sports, more sports coming in. We
need stadiums. Oh god, sorry, sorry, Stadia, Google Stadia. Okay, Well, look,
(38:12):
maybe maybe we can come into agreement. Maybe maybe I can,
Maybe I can give you some some drugs. I can
I drugs. I can grow some drugs. What makes you
think that I do drugs? Nothing? Nothing, I just thought,
I don't know. Are you growing? Are you growing drugs here?
Not in the bank? No? Not growing him in the bank. Well,
(38:35):
I mean generally at your farm? No, of course not no, no, no, okay,
then we definitely can't support you on that. Wait, do
you do want No, I don't want. I don't want drugs,
right right, of course they're bad. Okay, everybody freeze. Nobody
has anyone seen my baby? Oh man? You can't say
(38:58):
that in a bank. Scared. I just wanted to make
him I just wanted to make secar just shout. Security
guard just shipped himself. What the is? It Just a
typical day around here. So that's okay, all right, I'll
try it the next door. I want seeing the baby.
Oh my, Welcome to Macy's, sir. What what department can
(39:20):
I point you towards? First of all, I need to
know anybody here has seen my baby. I want my
baby back. Okay, okay, is there a name for the baby?
I could announce it over the intercom child child and
last name Johnson, Child anyone who's saying child Johnson, a
(39:43):
young lad child. I want to be back just a second.
This may not be a thing. Everybody, put your hands up.
Put your hands up in the air, and I'll smell
your armpits. If they don't smell that fresh, I am
selling deodorant. Anybody you want something? The second? Just ship
his parents? Oh god, I think do I think that
(40:13):
scary got it out of that well? The sun's coming up? Everybody, Hey,
wake up, wake up? Hey, Sun's coming up. What's happening?
So this is it's whine breath to wake up. It's
a start of India. Yeah, I'm moving Indie. Please ship. Look, weeds,
(40:40):
I don't. I don't want you around. Okay's got weeds?
Is done for? I don't have them. They're here, we
are together now, you lonely, get your arms off of me.
Have you seen it? Manifested this? H huh? Trevor likes weeds,
(41:04):
gross trips making out with the weeds. I'm gonna shot.
I'm so sorry. Little plants. Oh we got some weed. See,
let me just rip that up. Oh Ship. Every morning
(41:25):
I come and I water you and I talk to
you to help you grow and let you know that
you're special because plants they you know, they're connected. It's
crazy how connected there, and they do have feelings. She's
so smart. She's so smart. But I don't know if
I'm gonna be able to keep you around. The bank
is going to come and repossess the arboretum. And there
was just some way that I don't know, money could
(41:47):
grow on you. Then I guess I would be saved.
But it doesn't look like plant meeting. It's just something
we all do. How does this work? All right? You
heard her wish? Yeah, what's a No, we need to
grow money. She asked for it, she's manifesting it, so
we need to do it for her. Body who's in Well,
(42:11):
I think there's only one person can do that for us,
Marijuana Mac. But we put him down a long time.
I mean, if we all pushed in and gave him
our miracle girl, maybe he could you know, sprouted them.
But yeah, yeah, maybe maybe he could sprout enough budge
to to save the arboretum um. I don't know. She
(42:33):
said that, she said that, I don't know. She said that.
It's like it's like a stadium for plants. Oh, there's
a lot of sports right, sports, All right, who's gonna
wake up marijuana Mack. I'm not doing it. He's correct,
I'm not doing it. He's cratchy as fuck. I'll do it.
(42:54):
I don't want to do it. You're crazy. Hey, I'm
telling you right now. I don't want to do it. Dude,
you're crazy. Now you know I'll do it. No, I'll
do it. I'll do it. Dude, you're crazy. Do you
want to do it? Hey? Stay back to back. I
(43:15):
don't want to do this. Hey, I don't want to
do this. I don't want to get what am I
supposed to do exactly? Just just wake him up, Just
wake him up, him up, it's every way he likes
to be woken. Yeah, big pat on the heads on
the head, bat in the head? Right? Whoa? What's up? Baby?
(43:41):
Who dares disturbed the sleep of marijuana? Mac? I was
confused you were sleeping? Yeah, yeah, I can't sleep for years. Man.
I thought with the sun guys on the headphones, maybe
you were in another mindset. I didn't realize it was slumber.
(44:04):
My mistake. Hey, Mac, it's me Trevor. How you doing, man,
it's been a while. Yeah, what's up, bro? I've gotten big,
haven't I Yeah, you have to keep growing. Yeah? Thanks,
you're really sprouted all right? Um, you're just gaining some weeds.
Shut up? Oh yeah, leaves of three. Let it be
(44:25):
believe before such it more ties it more. Don't tell
him me me? Yes, um, crazy dude, can you can
you sprout some sweet bud so we can use that
to pay for the our boret um? What's an arboretum?
(44:48):
I don't know. She said it, she said it, I
don't know. Well that's what I do, man, I sprouted
sweet buds. Wow, okay, and we turned that into cash
le Where your gos? Ricardo? Are you? Oh Ricardo? Look
(45:10):
at this sweet goatee. If you want me to fix
your door a door knocker, I can't. It seems like
it's not working right. And I can just putting a
normal doorbell. Uh, this is what carl one sounds like.
And I can put in a normal one that just
sounds like this. Hello, wait was it both of those?
(45:31):
Who was it? That's one doorbell here? Let me play
it again for you. Hello. That one's quite confusing because
it seems like maybe somebody's sing you know what. That's
pretty trippy, though, I'll take it I'll take the ding ding. Hello, Okay,
here we go, all yours, there we go. Okay, now
(45:55):
I just got it broking, Ricardo, Hold on a second,
try bringing this thing again. It's supposed to it's that's
the way it's supposed to sound. Hello, Hello, suck it. Okay,
what do you want, Ricardo? It's gutillo. Oh great, great?
(46:18):
Uh look, I just got a hot It's a possible
salvia growing up the ar borutal. Is it salvia divinorium
or just like regular rold salvia? Oh? I guess I
was smoking it. Fun out. Okay, let's do it. Let's
let's get coral involved. No, let's get the whole. I
(46:40):
just want to trick you. I'll just bear you. It's
just a buzz to me. Okay, all right, let's do it. Okay. Well,
I figured I should see the arboretum for myself before
we take possession of it. Of course, I'm I'm sending
photos all the sports owners around the country. Just see
(47:00):
if it's a good state site for for a state.
Good state, good state. Sorry I misspoke. Learn how to
fucking speak? You know, I got them money in the bank.
You have some goddamn language. Well, you've got You've got
a lot of plants here. Yeah, it's Narbert him. Okay,
(47:25):
that's what I would kill him. We have to kill
him plants. I'm happy to do that. New guy. Put
a weapon in my hand, wemping in my hand. You
just use your leaves paper cut. Yeah, they're not that Trump,
I'll be honest with you. It canna be hard for
us to get you a weapon. What's this year Venus
(47:46):
flight trap? Yeah, it's a Venus flat champ. Well, I've
never seen one of these up clothes. Pretty cool. Be
careful because a lot closer it's a slow death for
a fly. But it's completely nothing. They won't do a thing.
So feel free to sep freezing Roy that ship and
(48:06):
put you open up his jaws like it's gonna strike.
I'm gonna I'm gonna stay back from this. I mean
I do have if you wanta check over here, I
got some plants from Mario, from Super Mario. Like those
those are real. Yeah, so be careful though, because they
can those can eat you, and they some of them
do shoot fireballs out. Okay, I don't want to get
(48:28):
close to those places. Well that just take a look
for today's show for today about that, Oh fellas, I
love each and every damn one of you. Let's thank
all of our alchemists please, starting with um the welcoming
(48:49):
back of Dr James Heeney. Well, thank you for being here.
And I gotta just say I've been enjoying listening to
Alchemy that so I wanted to give a shout out.
Uh it gives me quite a few giggles. You can
find alchemy that where let's see Spotify is where I
found it. Okay. And for listeners who don't know at
(49:10):
all what you're talking about, well, imagine like after The
Walking Dead there's the Talking Dad Alchemy. That is the alchemy,
this talking Dad and I this might be crazy, but
I I've been thinking about starting a podcast called Alchemy
thus and it would be don't do it all right?
I beg of you. Ok Um. Craig's concern early on
(49:34):
was having improv scrutinized. Would you say that any of
that is happening or is it just um fan boying
out as they say? James, oh me, I thought you
were asking Craig. I feel like I was. It was
it's not notes, really, it's just them noticing things that
even as a performer. A lot of times I didn't
(49:55):
even notice myself, So I get to laugh at not
catching something, and I also get to it kind of
sums things up. So I don't know. It's possible that
unless you're a performer, maybe wouldn't enjoy it as much.
But I listened to the episodes of things I wasn't in,
and I enjoyed it even more. So it's hard to tell.
It's hard to step out of your own mind and
(50:17):
judge something truly. What's the word, uh? Be objective? Objectively?
It's hard to be objective when you're trapped in a
human brain. Yeah, so well articulated, thank you, thank you
for being here. Oh we missed you, so James a
(50:38):
tool saying thanks for joining us, my friend, thank you, Thanks,
Thanks everybody. Good to see everybody. Would you like to
point anyone towards anything in particular of what you're up to? Know?
Nothing right now, just hanging out, just looking around, standing around.
What was the uh podcast? The sectional um at that sunset? Yeah,
(51:01):
it's still out there and it's Yeah, it's on Spotify
and it's a film noir audio narrative. I think that's
what they're calling it these days, but yeah, check it
out for sure. All right man, Well, thanks for being
a Chris Alvarado, Thank you, sir, oh, thank you for
having me just um, just a human being. I'm trying
to be objective. You know what I mean. I do
(51:21):
know what you mean. Chris dash Alvardo dot com for
all your improv and other needs. Actually all your needs
can be satisfied that Chris dash Alvardo. What an exciting
website that must be. And thank you for furniture, Craig Dakowski. Uh,
(51:42):
on this UM historical day, thank you so much for
being here. I will say this about Alchemy that after
discovering that I want Alchemists of the Week for three
weeks running, I'm full supported that podcast an episode I
was not in fair, fair and decisive. Thank you and deserved.
(52:03):
It was deserved. UM. And the the podcast Craig with
the holiday version of Craigslist, which I enjoyed. We're still
telling folks about that, sure, it's still telling them about it.
It's still out there as well as uh four years
of episodes from our from our vaults, inddo enjoy please
(52:24):
and Joseph of Family Career, Yes, thank you for being here.
You for having me, you complete an utter lunatic. You know,
I'm just having these these brakes with you all, and
I love it, you know what I mean? You know
sometimes your mind just snaps, and yeah, I'm glad it's here.
I'm glad we have witnesses. Let's thank your engineering and
(52:45):
producer to the stars, Mr Dubin, and the fine folks
that I heart media. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock reminding
you to please be kind to each other. Um, as
I say that, there's a TV on in the background
with absolute insanity happening around the US capital and this
(53:08):
country uh seems to need more love than ever before.
So whatever you can do to remind your neighbor that
they are loved and to relax the damn sphincter would
be helpful and appreciated. Also, when you go outside, please
wear a mask while you're being kind to each other.
And right to us your name here at me this
dot com, and thank you so damn much for tuning
(53:30):
us in. Um that's it for now, until next time.
(54:00):
A
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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