Several people—some patients—get stuck on a hospital elevator when it breaks down, and they do NOT get along… Two cavemen have time-traveled to modern life and now work at an App developing company. Their ideas don’t completely suck… The bizarre cast of characters that work at this car dealership shouldn’t actually work anywhere selling anything.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to Alchemy. Then sign the host Kevin Pollock.
What's that? Yes, we are going to continue to the
experiment where I leave this front part alone and get
right to your listener mail at least suggestions the front
parts alone. Yeah, I was taught that in school. Yeah,
be respectful and leave the front part alone. Don't don't
(00:22):
reach for the front parts. Leave the front parts alone.
Why you gotta call me out like that just because
you thought that's what the listeners were doing. Oh, I
don't know. I'm just I'm just trying to be the
audience you want to be with our audience, you want
to be right. Uh, Please continue to write to us
(00:43):
so we continue to use your scenes suggestions like today's
that come from your fan mail right to us at
your name here at Alchemy this dot com. That's your
name here at Alchemy this dot com. We meet our
Alchemists later. All the regulars are here today. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This first letter comes from Chris Peters. Hello, Kevin and
the merry band of Alchemists. I'm laughing my ass off
(01:05):
at Alchemy. There's so thank you for that. I absolutely
love that you let the bits go on past their
natural lives and yet they're still funny. I have a
thought of a scene if I may, Yes, apparently you may.
A group of strangers get trapped on our hospital elevator.
Each of them has a malady that cannot be ignored.
(01:27):
Break a leg, and thank you all for your talent
and willingness to be way way out there from Crisp.
Well the door, could you push seven place? Hold the door.
You have to make room for this. It's just fluid,
but I don't want anyone to brush up against it
because it could burst the door. Yeah, we're holding the doorbell.
He's still running down the hall. He's only looking like
(01:48):
he's running it. I need to get to the third floor.
We're holding the door, sir, see you mind what's happening?
Hurry up, police the door. You're gonna be draining this today.
I have a drainage appointment. I think he's just running
in place close to the the door. Just close the door,
the door. I think that's his bit. I think the
floor he's getting closer. You three please, o twins. He
(02:17):
is getting closet door. Okay, I'm tapping that. I don't
think this close door button works? All right? You made it? Thanks?
What's floor. Can we get you take the stairs? Excuse me? Wait? What? No,
come here, start, come back over here? Sirs? What a gag? Um?
So we're gonna keep going past that natural ending? Yeah?
(02:40):
All right, yes we are. Uh what's in the bag? Man?
You can't ask me that? Well? Okay, thank you? Some
supplies I need? Sure you may have noticed the large
fluid growth on my back. I saw you looking at it.
Anybody for Florida? Did anybody floor to the door. He's
(03:04):
up the stairwell. No, he's not running. We need we
have to tell people. Thank god, my floor is next.
I couldn't stay one more minute on this element. I
feel like my push push this emergency? But is leaking?
(03:26):
Am I leaking? I got jostled? Am I leaking? Remain calm? Hello,
I I gotta reported the elevator stopped, stopped, stopped? We
need how king? Lady? Is everyone? Okay? She says she's leaking.
I'm worried. I'm concerned that I'm leaking. Fire department is
on their way by the fire. I have to make
two things very clear. One I have to pee and
(03:50):
I will And two I'm a smoker and I'm nervous.
So I'm lighting up here. This might be my last cigarette.
Do not know the state laws about smoking cigarette? That
was incredible. How do you know that we don't have asthma?
I do have asthma and I know it. That's why
(04:11):
I'm here. I don't care about the two of you.
That was his last cigarette. I hoped it was your
last cigarette before I ate it. Now I'm going to
get very agitated, very soon joined the club. Honey, I'm
still peeing in this corner. Please don't. It's smelling here
and I already have a hard time breathing. I made
it very clear. I don't care about you. Okay, I
(04:33):
need to get to the third floor to get my inhaler.
I'm also going to the third floor. I'm also going
to the third floor. I'm also going to the third
I'm going to the seventh floor. And uh, I'm I'm
I'm getting my like I'm getting SNIPPs. I'm here to
get SNIPPs. Oh my god, anybody get everybody had that
snipping thing? Yet you don't get to ask those weird
(04:53):
questions why I'm just I'm looking for little heads up.
What I'm looking forward to just checking out? I need
this guy all right, Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna gonna
do the repressive thing. But I'm not much of a
conspiracy theorist. That's what conspiracy theorists say. But I think
(05:13):
that's the same guy that was doing the hold the
door gag. I think this is karma. I pushed the
button to close, and I even guided the doors closed.
The only thing I can do this, I'm gonna have
to push this all the way to the top floor.
Guy that's gonna come down, let me guess we should
hold the door. The doors are all closed, I know,
but it's the guy. All right, So do you feel
the elevator? Moment is gonna go right to the top floor? Right,
(05:34):
We don't feel it moving. Girls on my back is
full of fluid. Should the fluid burst? Everyone, do not
touch it. Do not touch the fluid. Gross, I'm just
gonna get snipped. Do you think the five of us
were put together in this elevator for some kind of purpose?
What would the purpose be? I don't know. But we
all have different maladies. Much of a conspiracy theory, everyone,
(05:55):
Let's go around talk about the maladies first. You don't
get what come out. Let's get to know what you
would be here for a couple of seconds. Look, I'm
not much of a conspiracy there's right, but I think
this guy's onto something. Somehow, the governments or somehow another
got all of us into the room. What do we
all know? What are we have in common? Why were
we brought here? Why were we brought here? I'm just
(06:17):
supposed to pick up my medication for my asthma. It's
a usual thing that I do once a month, and
I waited an extra day and I don't know if
it was. I work for tax deduction company. It's it's
boring stuff. I do my taxes. Why don't you just
get your inhaler sent to your home. I used to
do that, but they have a seven dollar charge. So
I just come by a work next door. I don't
(06:39):
want to say the name of the company, but I
worked next door. It's Farming Dale's Insurance, Farmingdale Farmingdales, Farming Dales,
Farmer Farmer, high Hold, the dairrel farmer. And so you
actually worked for the dairy my yeah, well no, it's
farm and dairy and background. Well, my family's from Dario, Idaho. Okay,
(07:04):
we're getting somewhere leaky lady. What's your I'm not leaking yet.
I was concerned I was leaking. All right? What did
your name? I won't call you. My name is Tish, alright, Tis.
I have a growth on my back. We understand that
it's gotten out of control. It's totally fine. I'm getting
a drain today. It's moist happy. What do I do
(07:24):
for a living? What do I look like I do
for a living? Read my shirt? She's a banker. Look
at that banks insurance. This sounds like government to me.
Why is have you just? Have you thought about given
the growth a name? Sometimes that helps me. It's not
a person. It's fluid. You don't get to ask the
type of questions. It's not a pet. It's not a person.
It's uncomfortable. What do you do for a living? What's
(07:46):
your name? My name is Rufus dement and I'm unemployed, unemployed?
What are you here for? Rufe I'm getting my malady diagnosed.
I have all kind of symptoms like hives, running no
got it, running mouth, lung compression. Rufus is that your name? Huh?
(08:07):
Weird name. It's a family name. All right. We gotta
figure out why we're all here. If you guys, don't mind.
I need to lay down because if I'm standing up,
it's hard laying it. Hit here. I gotta open up
the door a little bit. Please do alright. I can
see his finger. It's the guy. Alright, what says wait
for the door. It's not going to open it. I'm
(08:28):
gonna put some grain in here, an brains. Hold the door.
We can use the grain to stop up. Yeah, I
might know it. Just hold the door, sounds Why are
you doing this to us? Sir? Just hold the door.
Is anyone else in here divorced? Yes? Yes, that's why
(08:49):
I'm getting slipped. Maybe that's something, rufus. Are you divorced?
Never married, never had sex? Too much information, rufie, you're
a virgin? Yeah? Hi, what do you say? We are
chip in and get take care of that? You don't
get the ass. No, I'm not having sex. I'm not
chipping in all the door like a Mayo lordic kind
(09:11):
of what's your deal? What's up with you? Snip headed? Yeah?
Get snipped? So nobody really have a malady per se.
But I have a situation that I need to get correct.
Too many children. I would not like to have any
more children. Do you have any children? Seven feel you've
left too big a bioprint? What does that means? You're
(09:33):
just you're supposed to minimize this planets like I last
that long with that many kids? Rufus? The begins is
an R. What's your name again? It's Ryan's Yeah? What's
your name, sir? Arthur? Okay, Tish. If you put at
R and there becomes trash, but there's no there's no R,
but there should be titius into a very common name.
(09:55):
It's actually my actual name is now smoke. I'm not
a smoker, right, I'm smoky. Oh sorry, I feel it pulsating.
It doesn't usually pulsate. Your name is smokey. No, I'm
a smoker. I'm just checking everyone all right now we're
not okay. We need to get out of here. I
(10:16):
need to find that one malady I have. Can you
get some water to us at least? Yes, we'll get
some water. There's a prescription for an asthma and hailer
that's on the third floor. Could you have somebody sliping
through the doors. I'm not taking what's your name, sir,
I'm not taking request. What's your name? Rimble? Ramble? How
are you going to get us out of here. Please
tell us updates, something information news, Just hold the door.
(10:37):
Does it not strike anybody as odd that all of
your names to begin with the letter R. No, it
doesn't matter. That doesn't matter. Arthur begins with the A.
But it sounds like begins with tea. And what's your name, Anthony? Tony? Tony?
(10:58):
What about your Darth faded? What was your name? The
name is right, Ryan, Ryan, Right. I think this name
thing is a dead end. Okay, Well, I'm the only
one who's trying here. Okay, I can really go for
a small Oh, it's the water department, divorced, it's the
elevator or someone. Yea water department, a department. We asked
(11:21):
for water and we didn't need the whole department. Alright, Look,
I got some water bottles outside if you want them
to open the door. We can't open the door. Opened
the doors dying. Hey listen, Bobby, all the guys here
at the fire station think you're great. Um, you don't
(11:41):
have what it takes. We're gonna send you to the
water department. What I can't I can't make that any clearer.
You just don't have what it takes. The church. Alright.
So here's where all men of your age and women
of your age for that matter, have stacked up against
you physically and mentally. Here's where you stand. Well, what
(12:03):
is that row? That arrow means right, it's pointing right
to the water department and the door. So who could
I just stay for a little while? You can. You
can always come by and hang out, but just for now.
One you work for the w p D, the water
Police Department, Yes, water Parks, water Park Police Department. Yeah, so, uh,
(12:27):
I want to we get it? You don't got it? God,
I'm one of the guys. Get out of here. What
if I like this fire up right now? Huh? What
if I like to play something? I'm a water cop exactly.
I can put it on whatever I want. All right,
let's see it. Well, I haven't got my stuff, but
I'm a water cup. I just want cop. Huh. Yeah, Well,
(12:52):
only the best and brightest fish come in here. Show
me what you got. You got any charts? Did they
send you with charts? Showed me everybody a child? Where's
your child? And tell me to take it? They just
showed it to what did it look like we have
to work with? Here? Was like a mountain, mountain mountains,
two different mountain colors. Oh, I know the kind, but
(13:17):
not a bar. Want a regular graph, a line graph. Look,
that's pretty good. That's pretty smart. You have a squirt
at anything before, you haven't done it hard? How hard
you squirt? Pretty hard? I can make paint come off walls.
That's perfect. That's good. Excuse me, Is this where I
go to report of water crime? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I'll
(13:39):
take all the info w P D H. Yeah. My
neighbors are attorney's addressed me as officer officer. My neighbors
are running their sprinklers and it rained a lot of
wise guys. Huh okay, yeah, my my. I don't think
they should be running sprint because they're wasting water. I
(14:01):
think they're wasting little pussies, right, Yeah. I don't want
to take care of them. Look, I just want to
report it. You know what we're gonna do. We'renna go
over there, We're gonna scort the hell out of them.
Well that would be more of a waste of water.
It's really hot. Yeah, pressure, what's your address? Um? You
know it's all right, No, no giving a driver's license. Hey, Tommy, Tommy,
(14:24):
stop drinking so much of the water phone, I'm thirsty.
I'm gonna call it police on you don't do it, Yeah,
I will six one one to w p D. Hello,
I'd like to report a water crime. Um, there's a
jerk face at the main street address and in right
main street park? My main street park? Ye got a number?
(14:47):
The number? The address number? No, I don't know. I'm
at a park. How are you good? Grief? Well, you're lucky.
They're not coming. We just got a report of a
water crame. Everyone jump on the dolphins. Let's it's rufus, rufus?
(15:08):
What is it? I'm not a conspiracy. Why don't we
just take them out? Why don't we just take rufus out?
Excuse me? And take me out? Excuse me? Why wouldn't
we take rufus out? We don't need to take anyone out.
No one needs to die, all right? How about dart fan?
Let's why do you want to kill people? Stippy just working,
(15:30):
hasn't moved asking questions and get us out? All right?
I did? I didn't go to the lobby or not?
Is it open? I heard somebody say lobby that it's
just messing with us, rufus Why are you unemployed? You
seem amazing. Yeah, we're looking for more bankers at the bank.
I like money and I like counting its seven times
(15:55):
nine sixty three. He's good, very good. That was easy.
Let's do another one four thousand, six hundred seventy two
minus eleven. There's calculators, not at the bank. You look sleepy,
like if I'm being honest, like I've had a troubled life.
(16:15):
I never knew my father. He slept around a lot
and and had a lot of babies all over the country.
Wait a minute, this is a crazy idea. Now I'm
not standing next to a conspiracy theorist. But he said
his father had a lot of babies all over the country.
Think about my dad? Is no moss grew on him?
He was real rolling stone? Know what I mean? Mine too?
(16:39):
Hold on, does anybody have a DNA tester? Ryan's dead?
I think a right down one. Wait a second, what
about you? What's your father's story? I never knew him?
Oh no, um, I think maybe if I had a guess,
he probably worked for NASA or for JFK or something.
Why would you guess that, Well, I don't know the
(17:01):
airport or the president the airport. Why would you guess
that the weirdest guess who knows why people guess things.
You don't know him, and you assume he worked for NASA.
Hold the door. Hold the door. Wait a second, it
sounds familiar. Hold the door from my childhood and your dad.
Hold the door. It's hid. Can you hear us? Hello?
(17:35):
Someone in here is dead? Your kids? Presumably it's going
on in there's the fire departments. Everything all right, we
thought you were dead. Oh no, I spilled my water.
I got water all over the elevator. It's okay. I've
got pa everywhere. Somebody report water crime. I reported the
(17:57):
water crime. What's the water crimes? Up? All of my
kids are stuck in this elevator. A couple of kids.
Uh huh? You put your kids in an elevator unattended.
What kind of freak are you? Huh? I'm a father
on the run. Oh excuse me. You can't just leave
these dolphins here. This is a hospital. They'll be fine.
They can be on it look good. They can do
it for an hour and then we soak them up
(18:19):
and they're fine. They plump right back up in the water.
They hump right back up. I got my kiddy kids
in the elevator, and I need to get them out.
So's now. And you called the water police. I called
anyone I could called anyone. I work for JFK the airport. Yes,
hump okay, So it gives me some kind of clearance,
(18:39):
I presume. Yeah, you got clearance level four. What we're
gonna need is uh? I mean, we got us square
guns and there's the both of us and the dolphins.
What would you like us to do? Exactly? Get in there?
And I want I want you let my kids know
that I get in there, get in there the elevator
and do what? Let my kids in all of them?
Why don't you just let him? Here's a microphone? Oh
(19:02):
good on you? Hello, who's out there? Yeah? Hello, there's
a there's a man dying. Dads when my boys died? What? What? Why?
That was my boy? I'm your dad, dadda dad? How
do we know you're not playing some sort of sick
trick on us? And what are all of our names? Then? Yeah?
(19:27):
What's your name? Arthur? You were busy and to Anthony
for the Organs and little Ryan, Dad, get us out
here so we can see it. Bring bring Ryan's body up,
put him through the door, him through the door, the toy.
(19:50):
If we could do that? Ryan is not small, No
he's not. Okay, Well then I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This
is how we meet Dad. Why did you do this?
I wanted to get to know you all. Where did
you do the hold the door thing? Dad? Where's this
water coming from? Okay? Elevator is filling up? Dad, released
water and elevate. Okay, So with swarting pretty hard that
(20:11):
I guess we're gonna squo it a little hard. Got
an emergency. When we got an emergency, we spored harder.
This mean I don't have a malady? Was that all alive?
You do? Laky ladies just coming out of you? The
waters up door to google Dad? Dad? Why dude? And
(20:35):
another one busted by the w p D. Thank you
so much for your service? Oh yeah, absolutely anytime. Are
you right about these dolphins? They are plumping up right
away like a ballpark dog. Your dolphin will plump when
you're cooking. Our next letter comes all the way from
Sweden Atlas Olsen. That's two, says Olsen. Don't you know
(20:57):
I enjoy your superb show everything Thursday? She Atlas, what
do you think Atlas is a fellas? Sure, I'm a technician,
so there's a lot of driving involved, and you guys
keep me smiling through the early mornings in late evenings.
I would love to hear a situation where some cavemen
(21:20):
have been sent forward in time and somehow got work
at an app making company, trying their best to fit
in with their coworkers. Sincerely, Atlas Olsen from Sweden. Well,
if it's all the same to you guys, I think
we should just keep the same image. It doesn't have
to be a flower or not, but it just what
do you mean? It doesn't have to be a flowers
(21:41):
bloom that the app is bloom, so it doesn't matter
it has to be a flower. Okays, do we all
agree it? Just I think we need just some fresh ideas.
I would love some fresh ideas. Okay, Well they a
couple of you. We haven't heard from you. Tommy. You
know I love your passion, very very a bulldozer. Just
say it, he's a bulldozer's passion. Yes, Tommy, would you
(22:05):
like to say anything in front of the group? Tommy, Yes,
I would. I think you're being a little abusive, Okay,
your power grabbing. I'm not power grabbing. Power grabbed. You're
going to present this to the CEO later this afternoon.
I can't have you flower pretty, take flower flower? Wait
a second, keeping you want to flower out operating syst
(22:28):
flower pretty to take flour give me flow alright, we
can't actually give you the flower. Chunk chunk. We can't
give you the flower take flower. Oh chunk chunk is
a new suit. New suit looks like rabbit skin. Did
you make that yourself? Take the flower out of the app.
(22:48):
Oh that's a great that's actually a great ideas the
flower less flower. Well, yeah, yeah, that's nice. Maybe just
a pedal. I love pedal represents everything. Love that? Huh?
I love that? Okay, great, let's get over into the
actual diagnosis. Thank you for supporting that we need more
(23:09):
unique users. He's got a point. Well, of course we do,
and how do we get them? ConA developed a marketing
Conan and you've got something bring people, people people, it's great.
(23:32):
Yeah we can. We should do some community organizing, get
people to use the app for free and word of
mouth spreads around. Maybe maybe lunch before we see the good.
Can we please not raw meat anymore? Can we get
something else. Let's go ra meat okay, tommy salad, Indian food,
(24:00):
island or Indian food. Yeah, we'll pick Indian food. They say, okay, salad, salad?
What kind would you like? Chopped? Chopped? It's good. Bonza
beans interrupt and oh nice, okay, got a body shorter,
I'll get that bloom need to reach mass market? Yes, colors.
(24:26):
Are we not going to talk about this ever? What's that?
Whatever is going on in here? Come on and boom
boom time? All right, boom boom boom time. Stop stop
everybody stop, look at me, Look at me, stop stop,
look at me, stop stop. Chuck Shot Conan wants boom
(24:50):
boom time. Okay, you're not kidding that with me, Chuck.
You want boom boom okay, well then you pay for
it like everybody else. What pay for boom boom time?
Not what it meant much boom boom We didn't. Absolutely
no boom boom boom boom. Fellas are so creative. We
(25:13):
really appreciate it. But every now and then there's this
crazy animal energy that comes through, and it's exciting, and
I want to channel it towards more creativity and less
Where did they come from Portland. If you'd like to
know Portland Portland, Portland, or Portland, Oregon, or food truck,
(25:37):
food truck, food trucks. They had a big food truck
business in Portland, Oregon. It's you're coming home so late now,
I mean off work, okay, but what are you going
to just be with me? Coronan? Make money? I know
you mean money, can I know that? But what are
we going to make love and make money for a woman? Oh?
(25:58):
Come on, don't just call me a woman. Boom boom now, No,
I'm not gonna get boom boom. No con noo no, Conan,
no boom boom, you get boom boom when we talk hungry.
I'm hungry too for connection. Connection. Yes, I want to
feel you again when we first met you nor no
(26:18):
con no, no, pretty thank you, pretty face, thank you. Look,
you're a huge app developer, worth what one to three
billion dollars? I don't know. I don't care about that.
I'll burn all that down if that just means a
moment I get to spend with you. Conan, Marie, I
think we need to get back to the question that
(26:39):
I asked you. We've got about thirteen minutes left in
the session. I'd really like to get through to one
of you. He's sniffling again. Great, question is love or
boom boom boom boom? Okay, everything is boom boom for him,
everything is boom boom. So maybe Marie, if you offered
(27:00):
Conan a little more boom boom? Are you serious than love?
Are you serious? How often is too much? He wants
it every second every day, Conan, make boom boom with Conan. Great.
We talked about this before, and you don't want to
isolate you masturbate when we have people over for sarcuterie
and wine. He's masturbating right now. My question is, what
(27:24):
do you Every second is not a real thing. How
often are we really talking about every second? What do
you mean? That's look he's chucking off right now. Which
you've made it Okay, in this office, everything's okane. It's
a safe place. Darren, my man, my hook up. I
needed some more kind Okay, here you go, thank you.
(27:48):
Here's the coke. I need the cast give you more
money because I have much money. It's a lot of
money taking you the man nikes. Yeah, that's what's up.
Mercedes beech Beach bear By dreas by dre I have
a lot of other appointments today, so you demand thank you,
(28:10):
dyed hair. You'll check everyone that lived tonight in Miami.
We got special guests in the house. One of the developers,
our favorite that bloom we got splains block boom. Are
you the mando who like you make boom boom? Make
no who like Cokay, can't take all this whack bags home?
(28:33):
Have FuG bloom up? All right? He's checking off over there.
He paid a lot of money for this club, and
that's okay. Chunk chunk, chunk. Ats your your landlord? What
are you doing here? We've been getting some complaints, noise
(28:57):
complaints from the people below you there. You live in
the penthouse. Well, I mean it's a it's a two
unit building. Jack, Jack and I have this pasta. Do
please do not touch pasta bypasta? Okay, come back to bed.
I'll come back by boom boom. Look, I certainly can't complain.
(29:21):
You know you pay your rent on time in advance
in cash, you know, so, I mean you're a good
tenant in that way. Come inside, Come inside, okay, come here,
come dear god. What is that? It's tiger. Oh God,
that that's the bigger than any tiger. I have everything.
(29:41):
It's just that's a saber tooth tiger. You get save
it tooth. You're you're supposed to clear all pets with management? God?
What is that? That's act service? Taradactors live at the
same time. It's game. Absolutely, I got from Mosquito. Okay,
Kings come back? No, don't eat my food. My food
(30:04):
come back? Look would you rent at this panhouse? I
didn't ask things like the pterodactyls masturbating that it is
hard to do. Look, I didn't ask fundamental things like
where did you come from? Like, no, I don't believe
that for one second. But keep the noise down after
(30:24):
ten o'clock? Okay, can we do that? Do you know
what ten o'clock is? Chunk chunk? It depends on time zone? Yeah, good, good? Okay?
What can I finish the Tom? Do you? You can
have Tom Kai? Good morning Bloom employees, all right, thank you,
(30:46):
and thank for him coming in this early. Okay. I
just want to say we personal pr is a big
issue here, okay, And there's a lot of people going around.
They're doing things that they shouldn't be doing you get
to the point. The point is, okay, it is everyone's
masturbating in public. Yes, not a great look. That's not
a great look. We cannot do that. You and Tommy
(31:09):
masturbate me and Tommy privately. If I do, my therapist says, okay,
it's okay. Safe space in a safe space. Not everything
is a safe space anymore. Safe space, Wendy Williams show,
not a safe bo't but no boom boom. Here we
(31:33):
got the numbers in. We made ten point six brilliant dollars.
Can you explain what you think our app is? Bloom?
Keep going bloom bloom. Oh my god, what do you
think it is? Because I'm getting an idea of what
they think. I know it is. I write code, code,
(31:56):
go code. What do you think it? No, you haven't
answered the question that you just said you write code
and then they just all cheered code ten billion dollars? Yes, yes, okay, great,
so you're not gonna answer. Fantastic koke. We know koke. Uh,
(32:19):
David Choe, you know him? Portland organ app is flower?
What part of this is the CEO? Gonna enjoy? By
the way, this is all great in this room where
we've got to present to the CEO this afternoon. We're
trying to make a hundred billion dollars. Yeah, you man,
you take flower, oh de flower from Bloom Bloom? What from? No, No,
(32:45):
we're not doing that, virgin. Wait a second, is the app?
Are you saying it needs to be more sexual? That's
the vibe I'm getting more boom boom boom boom boom boom.
Might be the smelling here. It might not just be. Okay,
I'm busy, I'm busy. I'm giving you a little bit
of time. I've got apps, I've got things to make,
(33:06):
and so mr Mr Peterson, if we may, we don't
want We're not here to waste your time. Our new app, Pedal,
is a sexual experience. Conan, why don't you know we
took what we did with Bloom and we've jumped off.
We're now Pedal. We're hitting you with something brand new
and very fresh. Pandle make boom boom, Pedal make boom boom.
(33:26):
You want boom boom? What does that mean? Pedal make? Okay,
it makes what a sexual experience we call boom boom. Now,
if you look right now, some of the coders are
masturbated in your office. Yeah, I was like, what is
that called an uncontrollable desire? Who doesn't want a fantasy
to come true? Who wants to be with someone on this?
(33:51):
I don't you know what I'm out. We started with
the meal delivery thing, and this has gone in a direction.
There's like, it's sorry, Tommy, I didn't sign up for Regina,
but you signed up for us? Did I? WHOA? I
guess not. I guess not. I guess void. Contract all
intens was contract. I guess I just made it with
(34:12):
your eyes? What I made the contract with your eyes
when I looked at you. I made a deal with myself.
It was internal. I didn't sign an I know it was.
I was saying, it was poetically that I A contract
was the love. You made a contract with my eyes,
not literally with your eyes, Regina, I said that I made.
I'm not full of ship. I'm Tommy peddling boom boom.
(34:33):
I love it. I love what you're doing here. I
feel it. I feel the wrong emotions. I liked the
whole thing, and you know what sold me. Anytime anybody
who's has ever walked in here and said, it's like
uber for this I'm sold and he he said it
was like Uber for sex for boom boom. Regina, you've
(34:56):
got above and beyond the way you sold us. Here today,
everyone's masturbating the room. You two are having this quarrel,
Mr Peters. If it's possible, I think with a slight
pay raise, we could get Regina to stay. And by
slight one point two is that what it'll take? Is
(35:16):
that what it will take make a contract? She's creative
with my eyes. Tell me you get on that conscious
forward thinking. And Tommy is yesterday's news. It's like fish
and I'm out wrapped up. Get the smell. That smell,
that fishy smell is that's Tommy. I'm out in his position.
That's exactly why we're here. Conan, Look, I'm sorry, I'm
(35:37):
taking the kids. I'm I don't care how big this
app is. But where do you go? I'm going to
go someplace you're never going to find. She's coming with me,
you monster. Come on, let's get out of a monster. No,
I'm not a masturbating You made a weird sex app
and you're a weird sex guy. Okay, take for coming
(36:00):
to my apartment. I think I think people know like us. No, no,
I think they're on to us. Maybe we go back
in time. We said we would never use use the
(36:24):
time machine again. But me no happy, Me got cocaine
addiction and sexual appetite that cannot be satisfied. Me too.
Why don't we just go to JFK and get time
playing these people upset app? Make them upset app? Time waste? Mhm,
(36:50):
you get Joathan brain from I'm so sorry, I'm I think,
I mean, can you keep it down on? Know what
kind of meeting you're having? But it's like three of
the more so we work. Okay, we pay for space,
but you said it was your apartment earlier, and like
it's I know, I know you do, I know. Okay, Okay,
(37:11):
it's fine, just relax. I just please keep it down, please, okay,
we will keep down. I have people live under me too.
Let's go home where we are understood and the three
(37:37):
were killed, Thank goodness. People were just starting to write letters.
No more masturbating scenes. If it's possible, children listen to
the podcast. Our next suggestion comes from Matthew m MYSI
(37:59):
that polic I love listening to your poe. What's that
you're going to beat me, sends list until I give
you and your crew a scenario to act out. Fine,
since I love my face the way it is, I'll
give you my ideas. An inventor accidentally discovers time travel. Matthew,
what the fuck is called? Group man? What else? Exactly?
(38:23):
It's accidental discovery is very important. They go back in time,
change history by mistake, come back to the president, find
out how badly they messed up the timeline. This can
repeat a few times, oh can it? So we should
be like going over heard pizza store. Hey, what's gonna
take to get you in a delirium today? What you
(38:45):
want to buy this Delian? Yeah? Yeah, what's gonna take?
You don't know? Give me? Sorry? You came in here
and I thought you were a serious buyer. I've got
a DeLorean and I can offer you time travel. So
what's it gonna take to get you into the I
just offered you a price if you want me to
get in rephrase, the time traveling machine is a car. Okay,
(39:08):
So would you like to go to the past the future?
Where would you like to go? And you're offering me
forty dollars? No, I couldn't, but over here, he wants
you to pay him. Oh my misunderstanding. So I'm offering
your time travel and you'd like forty dollars. You just
asked me what would it take for me to get in? Yeah,
I mean you can't do that. I don't know what
(39:30):
you come back to my office? Yeah, Rick, Yeah, you
are the worst salesman I have ever hired. Well, look
at my numbers, they're terrible. You've been bleeding out money
from this company. You just gave somebody fifteen thousand dollars
to take a Kawasaki motorcycle off the lot, right, so
we paid fourteen I don't care how much I'm married
(39:52):
to your sister. I'm the fucking furious Rick. Go out
there and sell a god damn dolor. All right, welcomes,
or what are you looking for today? How can I
help you? Have you seen the DeLorean? No? I haven't.
All right, Well, it offers zero to sixty and four
point two gas mileage is not terrific because it's a DeLorean.
(40:12):
Here's a bonus time travel. I was about to ask, Yeah,
with it allow me to travel throughout time? Yeah? You
know the movie the thing that about, But we now
have that technology. This particular Deloian comes without option, and
this is a two thousand, nineteen DeLorean. It is. It's
brand news. It's just made four times, still making them. Well,
(40:33):
this one just came off the dock. And uh, if
you've got forty two five, I'm so sorry. I don't
want to report you again. But you can't tell people
were getting the Deloreans off the dock. Why the cars
come from not the dock. So, despite John Delorean's career
(40:53):
ending in disgrace in the mid nineteen eighties and the
carline not being manufactured since then, you're telling me that
a brand new DeLorean that has the exact time specifications
that the Back to the Future trilogy has it is
now available. Just a little all right. It's not brand new.
My passion for telling it to you is brand new
(41:14):
because you just walked in the door. Okay, so throw
out a number. Let's see get back. If I can't
damn office, pardon me, sir. I can't keep him on
a leash. I have my own customers. You've been interrupting him,
and you've been calling him out on the falsehoods that
he's trying. You are not get the Samantha. If you
(41:43):
say anything to Rick, make it positive and helpful. You Rick, No,
don't ever backstep something that's brand new. Where does the where?
What's on? I want you guys to go back. Don't
never backstep what's the If he thinks it's new, don't
backstep it and call it my pitches new. It's from
the new car, it's from the early eighties though, it
(42:06):
doesn't matter. Okay, Okay, I have to go out there.
Give me one more chance. Samantha best be on his side.
I love you, honey, I love you too. Okay, Okay, sir, Yes,
I'm still here. I the the GM wanted me to
be clear about one thing. When I said I was
fibbing that it wasn't brand new. That was like a
(42:27):
test to see if you really know deloreans well, and
I do. Okay, then you know this one is in
fact brand new. What he said, does the time machine
actually work? Yes? Well, you know what. Let's take it
for a test drive. Would you like any soft cheese?
Pick a year? I would like some soft thank you.
That's finest breed. Also brand new pick a year? Um?
(42:53):
Why seventy one? If I can inquire, that's pushy the
year before the Godfather came out tonight. I just think
it would be where the hell is rare? Where the
fuck is rare? Sir? If you could just keep it doing?
How you doing? How are you, Samanthy? I saw you
(43:15):
when I was in your last night. Where is that?
Son of abits? Rick? Okay, well you just saw many
a kisak. The wheel just came up almost just totally
soft cheese. For the hell is Rick? Has I seen
hiding my hunted little Orian? He's right over there, Rick,
Thank you? Rick? You can see Rick? Hello, I see you?
What do you want? What do you? What do I want?
(43:38):
There's so many I had? You paid me fi, Yes,
I did what you do with the money I gave you.
I still have it. Right. They get a new tower
tire and get off my job. I'm not gonna get
off any buddy. If you're thinking about buying something from
this piece of ship, don't do it, all right? All right?
I disagree, I disagree. We're a fine store whatever. Whatever.
You know what, man, you're a bad salesman, and you
(44:00):
lady what you got? Your eyes are too close together?
Are they? I've ever heard that? You know what? Somebody
told me my eyes are perfect? Whatever do you know
that she was an eye model from seventy flens Crafters
the years go back. Don't worry you. Do you ever
(44:21):
think there's more for us than just working here at
the docks? Good good, I don't want to work no
one but the ducks. That's how we got a new
car coming in. Listen. That kind of talk is like
really anti union. I was just no, I know, I
was just thinking, you know what, if there was something
more out there for us, well, then bring it up
at the next union meetings are going to get us.
I thought you were my friend. I'm your friend. I
(44:47):
don't know. Hey, maybe I'm just talking Craiz. No, no, no,
you can talk to me. It's between us Spolkswagen ba
Okay up. Just I was wanting to do dance nothing,
it's nothing, no, no, no, no, I hear you what what?
It's just stupid idea. If I wasn't a dockworker, I
(45:07):
would have been a dame. Guys, bad news to close
the dock down unless we raise four dollars for the
talent show, where are we going to get talented? Well, well,
I can dance, Donny can dance dance? Well, it's interpretive dance,
(45:28):
so it's not really easy for somebody give him a beat. Okay, Well,
Joe Joe with the one eye, whe eye Joe over there.
He I just call him Joe, honestly. It don't just
trying to make that nickname. It was already Joe. I'm
just saying Joe, Joe. Joe's good with music, good with
his mouth, making beats, nothing bros. Okay, I condanced this
(45:59):
and books to smooth. Hey, Sammy, wyn't you give us
some lyrics? Everything? And thinking about tomorrow? What do you
want me to go? So I think about them, the
people we'll get. I'll put it out. I took a
(46:20):
codfish turning in side side. We don't want it. Where
is it going? Waving over my lots of mammal and
not neverbody it was. I saw codfish inside up inside,
(46:46):
I got a dog waving. Oh my my head, that's
a fish. Everybody, How do we sound? So if you
just be one second, sir, no problem again? That ninety
seventy one. Yes, I went to undercover the Watergate scandal
(47:08):
before Woodward and Bernstein enterprising. I'll be right back. I'll
be right back to what is it? I'm so close
to its closed. The deal, baby, I'm about to close
the shop. What are you talking about? It's I don't
even think we're gonna be able to sell anymore. The
docks closing, that's where we get all do closing. I
(47:29):
can sell right now. We really get the cars from
the dock, Samantha, have you not been paying attention? I
could have sworn we didn't get the cars from what
did you think? They came from a garage somewhere, a dock,
a garage, so that brought in on trucks. I suppose
that's exactly what I thought. I've seen those car transporter trucks. Yeah. Well,
(47:50):
we're gonna probably have to shut the shop down, so
dang it. Can I just sell the Dolorian please, I guess,
But just be careful with the space time continuum, because
this is the last sale and we can't fix it
if it gets fucked. Okay, you don't know. Seventy one
is where you'd like to go. I've set the thing,
and now if you'll just take this briefcase full of
(48:11):
forty two dollars, that's what what we feel it will
take to get you in this deloyan serious, you have
two dollars and what I asked, Yeah, it's the only
way to get the sales, sir nineteventy one terms that
that money will go far. That's exactly right. I just
don't understand why he gets more money than well, yeah,
(48:33):
do you know what? I may have this backwards? How
about if you gave us No, that's I'm gonna go
way outside the box. That's not how it works. The
way that it works is that you give me this.
And I go back to nineteen seventy one, though, and
I developed the prototype for this very car. We've always
(48:55):
had this conversation what this is always how it's happened.
I made this call, I made this time machine. And
here's where you give me the money. Take the money. Please, Hey, Brad,
stop being so bogardish and pass that weed. Man, Come on, man,
nothing happens in this town anyway. What the man? This
(49:22):
is some good weed? Man? Man, this weed is fucking laced. Man.
Hey follows all right? That rup? But what's white the can? Uh?
Oh yeah, there's one, Marty. Where'd your cousin get this
(49:45):
ship again? He got it from Ecuador's Boom boom whoam who? Well, yeah,
I guess you gotta fun each other. Dude, is that
what that means? I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't.
I'm not a kid that idea. I'm totally fluid. Man Like,
I'm like, what does that mean? I don't know. Damn
(50:05):
this is good. Where Where are we? Where are we?
Staten Island, one, August three, August third, Stead Island. Nixon's
in the White House is fucking nuts. So man, where
are you from? Caveman A right on from Oh hey, guys,
(50:32):
we're trying to make load that's on on your request.
Boom boom word And he's like, I'm totally down with that.
I'm down. I'm open. It's past the sixties, but I'm
still down. Yeah, excuse me, I'm I'm I'm from Paramount Pictures.
I'm looking for an address here in Staten Island. We're
doing location scouting for this new movie, The Godfather. The Godfather?
(50:55):
What's that about? For the Catholic movie or something. It's
based on the best selling novel that every one's pretty
familiar with. You mean, the Mario book. Yeah, we're looking
for some locations here in Staten Island. I feel like
we could probably rent this place. Hey, look, just because
you manage this shell station, you can come over and
act like you're our friend. We're about to make love. Man.
(51:15):
I don't plan to being either one of your friends,
but I have an opportunity, a business opportunity. So a
few fellas could take your love make into the back area.
The big Shell scene from the book is going to
happen here over here, a huge fan the big shell
see is gonna happen here. Yeah, let's see where Jimmy
con gets shot a bunch of times at the show. Jimmy,
(51:38):
Jimmy Conn is gonna be run and I haven't read it. Well,
they don't say that in the book. And that's where
the day ends in the GM's office where Rick and
Samantha just don't see. Let's go around and thank your
alchemists for another tremendous session. We're gonna start with Jimmy,
(51:59):
Jack Haney, James, Oh my gosh, thank you, yes, thank you,
thank you. If you would like to check out some
awesome stuff, go to Brief News brief dot com or
find me in any If you search the real James Teney,
you'll find me. Oh nice, Vanessa Raglan, Hey, you can
find me a Dynasty tagwriter the actual vacation in Los
Angeles on wilshare or the Instagram account. Come for the
(52:22):
ha ha and stay for the pop Chris Alvarado. He
laughed about the popcorn like it was so stupid. I
think it's adorable, tasty. My name is Chris Alvarado. You
can search that google v Chris Alvarado. Craig Kakowski at
(52:46):
Kaikowski on Twitter c A C K O W s
K I just like it sounds. Look for me in
the current season of Drunk History and the another great season.
Thank you in the upcoming film Wine Country on Netflix.
Very excit it about the country and uh Jimmy Gregg grew.
You can find me at Jeffy Greeber on Instagram or
(53:07):
my website Joey Greer dot com dot com. You have
to spell out dot com. Oh, it's d O t
com dot com. Wow, so I'm trying to I want
to make it difficult. Side the side project, that's Raphael Brito. Okay,
let's thank Raphael Brito while we're at it for the
lovely sound design of this particular podcast. Right to us
(53:27):
at your name here at alchemy this dot com. My
name is Kevin Pollock, you can find me uh just
in the backyard. I want to thank uh Doug Baine,
engineer at the Stars, and Sophie Lichterman uh and all
the fine folks are at the I Heart place where
they make magic happen each and every day. Again your
(53:48):
name here at alchemy this dot com. We'd love to
hear from you, and continue to tell everyone you've ever
met to subscribe and write a review and do all
those things. We are desperate for your love and support,
and so far, so good, So thank you for all
of that. Until next time, I'm gonna need one more
little sharper ready And until next time, perfect, there a
Welcome back to Alchemy. Then sign the host Kevin Pollock.
What's that? Yes, we are going to continue to the
experiment where I leave this front part alone and get
right to your listener mail at least suggestions the front
parts alone. Yeah, I was taught that in school. Yeah,
be respectful and leave the front part alone. Don't don't
(00:22):
reach for the front parts. Leave the front parts alone.
Why you gotta call me out like that just because
you thought that's what the listeners were doing. Oh, I
don't know. I'm just I'm just trying to be the
audience you want to be with our audience, you want
to be right. Uh, Please continue to write to us
(00:43):
so we continue to use your scenes suggestions like today's
that come from your fan mail right to us at
your name here at Alchemy this dot com. That's your
name here at Alchemy this dot com. We meet our
Alchemists later. All the regulars are here today. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This first letter comes from Chris Peters. Hello, Kevin and
the merry band of Alchemists. I'm laughing my ass off
(01:05):
at Alchemy. There's so thank you for that. I absolutely
love that you let the bits go on past their
natural lives and yet they're still funny. I have a
thought of a scene if I may, Yes, apparently you may.
A group of strangers get trapped on our hospital elevator.
Each of them has a malady that cannot be ignored.
(01:27):
Break a leg, and thank you all for your talent
and willingness to be way way out there from Crisp.
Well the door, could you push seven place? Hold the door.
You have to make room for this. It's just fluid,
but I don't want anyone to brush up against it
because it could burst the door. Yeah, we're holding the doorbell.
He's still running down the hall. He's only looking like
(01:48):
he's running it. I need to get to the third floor.
We're holding the door, sir, see you mind what's happening?
Hurry up, police the door. You're gonna be draining this today.
I have a drainage appointment. I think he's just running
in place close to the the door. Just close the door,
the door. I think that's his bit. I think the
floor he's getting closer. You three please, o twins. He
(02:17):
is getting closet door. Okay, I'm tapping that. I don't
think this close door button works? All right? You made it? Thanks?
What's floor. Can we get you take the stairs? Excuse me? Wait? What? No,
come here, start, come back over here? Sirs? What a gag? Um?
So we're gonna keep going past that natural ending? Yeah?
(02:40):
All right, yes we are. Uh what's in the bag? Man?
You can't ask me that? Well? Okay, thank you? Some
supplies I need? Sure you may have noticed the large
fluid growth on my back. I saw you looking at it.
Anybody for Florida? Did anybody floor to the door. He's
(03:04):
up the stairwell. No, he's not running. We need we
have to tell people. Thank god, my floor is next.
I couldn't stay one more minute on this element. I
feel like my push push this emergency? But is leaking?
(03:26):
Am I leaking? I got jostled? Am I leaking? Remain calm? Hello,
I I gotta reported the elevator stopped, stopped, stopped? We
need how king? Lady? Is everyone? Okay? She says she's leaking.
I'm worried. I'm concerned that I'm leaking. Fire department is
on their way by the fire. I have to make
two things very clear. One I have to pee and
(03:50):
I will And two I'm a smoker and I'm nervous.
So I'm lighting up here. This might be my last cigarette.
Do not know the state laws about smoking cigarette? That
was incredible. How do you know that we don't have asthma?
I do have asthma and I know it. That's why
(04:11):
I'm here. I don't care about the two of you.
That was his last cigarette. I hoped it was your
last cigarette before I ate it. Now I'm going to
get very agitated, very soon joined the club. Honey, I'm
still peeing in this corner. Please don't. It's smelling here
and I already have a hard time breathing. I made
it very clear. I don't care about you. Okay, I
(04:33):
need to get to the third floor to get my inhaler.
I'm also going to the third floor. I'm also going
to the third floor. I'm also going to the third
I'm going to the seventh floor. And uh, I'm I'm
I'm getting my like I'm getting SNIPPs. I'm here to
get SNIPPs. Oh my god, anybody get everybody had that
snipping thing? Yet you don't get to ask those weird
(04:53):
questions why I'm just I'm looking for little heads up.
What I'm looking forward to just checking out? I need
this guy all right, Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna gonna
do the repressive thing. But I'm not much of a
conspiracy theorist. That's what conspiracy theorists say. But I think
(05:13):
that's the same guy that was doing the hold the
door gag. I think this is karma. I pushed the
button to close, and I even guided the doors closed.
The only thing I can do this, I'm gonna have
to push this all the way to the top floor.
Guy that's gonna come down, let me guess we should
hold the door. The doors are all closed, I know,
but it's the guy. All right, So do you feel
the elevator? Moment is gonna go right to the top floor? Right,
(05:34):
We don't feel it moving. Girls on my back is
full of fluid. Should the fluid burst? Everyone, do not
touch it. Do not touch the fluid. Gross, I'm just
gonna get snipped. Do you think the five of us
were put together in this elevator for some kind of purpose?
What would the purpose be? I don't know. But we
all have different maladies. Much of a conspiracy theory, everyone,
(05:55):
Let's go around talk about the maladies first. You don't
get what come out. Let's get to know what you
would be here for a couple of seconds. Look, I'm
not much of a conspiracy there's right, but I think
this guy's onto something. Somehow, the governments or somehow another
got all of us into the room. What do we
all know? What are we have in common? Why were
we brought here? Why were we brought here? I'm just
(06:17):
supposed to pick up my medication for my asthma. It's
a usual thing that I do once a month, and
I waited an extra day and I don't know if
it was. I work for tax deduction company. It's it's
boring stuff. I do my taxes. Why don't you just
get your inhaler sent to your home. I used to
do that, but they have a seven dollar charge. So
I just come by a work next door. I don't
(06:39):
want to say the name of the company, but I
worked next door. It's Farming Dale's Insurance, Farmingdale Farmingdales, Farming Dales,
Farmer Farmer, high Hold, the dairrel farmer. And so you
actually worked for the dairy my yeah, well no, it's
farm and dairy and background. Well, my family's from Dario, Idaho. Okay,
(07:04):
we're getting somewhere leaky lady. What's your I'm not leaking yet.
I was concerned I was leaking. All right? What did
your name? I won't call you. My name is Tish, alright, Tis.
I have a growth on my back. We understand that
it's gotten out of control. It's totally fine. I'm getting
a drain today. It's moist happy. What do I do
(07:24):
for a living? What do I look like I do
for a living? Read my shirt? She's a banker. Look
at that banks insurance. This sounds like government to me.
Why is have you just? Have you thought about given
the growth a name? Sometimes that helps me. It's not
a person. It's fluid. You don't get to ask the
type of questions. It's not a pet. It's not a person.
It's uncomfortable. What do you do for a living? What's
(07:46):
your name? My name is Rufus dement and I'm unemployed, unemployed?
What are you here for? Rufe I'm getting my malady diagnosed.
I have all kind of symptoms like hives, running no
got it, running mouth, lung compression. Rufus is that your name? Huh?
(08:07):
Weird name. It's a family name. All right. We gotta
figure out why we're all here. If you guys, don't mind.
I need to lay down because if I'm standing up,
it's hard laying it. Hit here. I gotta open up
the door a little bit. Please do alright. I can
see his finger. It's the guy. Alright, what says wait
for the door. It's not going to open it. I'm
(08:28):
gonna put some grain in here, an brains. Hold the door.
We can use the grain to stop up. Yeah, I
might know it. Just hold the door, sounds Why are
you doing this to us? Sir? Just hold the door.
Is anyone else in here divorced? Yes? Yes, that's why
(08:49):
I'm getting slipped. Maybe that's something, rufus. Are you divorced?
Never married, never had sex? Too much information, rufie, you're
a virgin? Yeah? Hi, what do you say? We are
chip in and get take care of that? You don't
get the ass. No, I'm not having sex. I'm not
chipping in all the door like a Mayo lordic kind
(09:11):
of what's your deal? What's up with you? Snip headed? Yeah?
Get snipped? So nobody really have a malady per se.
But I have a situation that I need to get correct.
Too many children. I would not like to have any
more children. Do you have any children? Seven feel you've
left too big a bioprint? What does that means? You're
(09:33):
just you're supposed to minimize this planets like I last
that long with that many kids? Rufus? The begins is
an R. What's your name again? It's Ryan's Yeah? What's
your name, sir? Arthur? Okay, Tish. If you put at
R and there becomes trash, but there's no there's no R,
but there should be titius into a very common name.
(09:55):
It's actually my actual name is now smoke. I'm not
a smoker, right, I'm smoky. Oh sorry, I feel it pulsating.
It doesn't usually pulsate. Your name is smokey. No, I'm
a smoker. I'm just checking everyone all right now we're
not okay. We need to get out of here. I
(10:16):
need to find that one malady I have. Can you
get some water to us at least? Yes, we'll get
some water. There's a prescription for an asthma and hailer
that's on the third floor. Could you have somebody sliping
through the doors. I'm not taking what's your name, sir,
I'm not taking request. What's your name? Rimble? Ramble? How
are you going to get us out of here. Please
tell us updates, something information news, Just hold the door.
(10:37):
Does it not strike anybody as odd that all of
your names to begin with the letter R. No, it
doesn't matter. That doesn't matter. Arthur begins with the A.
But it sounds like begins with tea. And what's your name, Anthony? Tony? Tony?
(10:58):
What about your Darth faded? What was your name? The
name is right, Ryan, Ryan, Right. I think this name
thing is a dead end. Okay, Well, I'm the only
one who's trying here. Okay, I can really go for
a small Oh, it's the water department, divorced, it's the
elevator or someone. Yea water department, a department. We asked
(11:21):
for water and we didn't need the whole department. Alright, Look,
I got some water bottles outside if you want them
to open the door. We can't open the door. Opened
the doors dying. Hey listen, Bobby, all the guys here
at the fire station think you're great. Um, you don't
(11:41):
have what it takes. We're gonna send you to the
water department. What I can't I can't make that any clearer.
You just don't have what it takes. The church. Alright.
So here's where all men of your age and women
of your age for that matter, have stacked up against
you physically and mentally. Here's where you stand. Well, what
(12:03):
is that row? That arrow means right, it's pointing right
to the water department and the door. So who could
I just stay for a little while? You can. You
can always come by and hang out, but just for now.
One you work for the w p D, the water
Police Department, Yes, water Parks, water Park Police Department. Yeah, so, uh,
(12:27):
I want to we get it? You don't got it? God,
I'm one of the guys. Get out of here. What
if I like this fire up right now? Huh? What
if I like to play something? I'm a water cop exactly.
I can put it on whatever I want. All right,
let's see it. Well, I haven't got my stuff, but
I'm a water cup. I just want cop. Huh. Yeah, Well,
(12:52):
only the best and brightest fish come in here. Show
me what you got. You got any charts? Did they
send you with charts? Showed me everybody a child? Where's
your child? And tell me to take it? They just
showed it to what did it look like we have
to work with? Here? Was like a mountain, mountain mountains,
two different mountain colors. Oh, I know the kind, but
(13:17):
not a bar. Want a regular graph, a line graph. Look,
that's pretty good. That's pretty smart. You have a squirt
at anything before, you haven't done it hard? How hard
you squirt? Pretty hard? I can make paint come off walls.
That's perfect. That's good. Excuse me, Is this where I
go to report of water crime? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I'll
(13:39):
take all the info w P D H. Yeah. My
neighbors are attorney's addressed me as officer officer. My neighbors
are running their sprinklers and it rained a lot of
wise guys. Huh okay, yeah, my my. I don't think
they should be running sprint because they're wasting water. I
(14:01):
think they're wasting little pussies, right, Yeah. I don't want
to take care of them. Look, I just want to
report it. You know what we're gonna do. We'renna go
over there, We're gonna scort the hell out of them.
Well that would be more of a waste of water.
It's really hot. Yeah, pressure, what's your address? Um? You
know it's all right, No, no giving a driver's license. Hey, Tommy, Tommy,
(14:24):
stop drinking so much of the water phone, I'm thirsty.
I'm gonna call it police on you don't do it, Yeah,
I will six one one to w p D. Hello,
I'd like to report a water crime. Um, there's a
jerk face at the main street address and in right
main street park? My main street park? Ye got a number?
(14:47):
The number? The address number? No, I don't know. I'm
at a park. How are you good? Grief? Well, you're lucky.
They're not coming. We just got a report of a
water crame. Everyone jump on the dolphins. Let's it's rufus, rufus?
(15:08):
What is it? I'm not a conspiracy. Why don't we
just take them out? Why don't we just take rufus out?
Excuse me? And take me out? Excuse me? Why wouldn't
we take rufus out? We don't need to take anyone out.
No one needs to die, all right? How about dart fan?
Let's why do you want to kill people? Stippy just working,
(15:30):
hasn't moved asking questions and get us out? All right?
I did? I didn't go to the lobby or not?
Is it open? I heard somebody say lobby that it's
just messing with us, rufus Why are you unemployed? You
seem amazing. Yeah, we're looking for more bankers at the bank.
I like money and I like counting its seven times
(15:55):
nine sixty three. He's good, very good. That was easy.
Let's do another one four thousand, six hundred seventy two
minus eleven. There's calculators, not at the bank. You look sleepy,
like if I'm being honest, like I've had a troubled life.
(16:15):
I never knew my father. He slept around a lot
and and had a lot of babies all over the country.
Wait a minute, this is a crazy idea. Now I'm
not standing next to a conspiracy theorist. But he said
his father had a lot of babies all over the country.
Think about my dad? Is no moss grew on him?
He was real rolling stone? Know what I mean? Mine too?
(16:39):
Hold on, does anybody have a DNA tester? Ryan's dead?
I think a right down one. Wait a second, what
about you? What's your father's story? I never knew him?
Oh no, um, I think maybe if I had a guess,
he probably worked for NASA or for JFK or something.
Why would you guess that, Well, I don't know the
(17:01):
airport or the president the airport. Why would you guess
that the weirdest guess who knows why people guess things.
You don't know him, and you assume he worked for NASA.
Hold the door. Hold the door. Wait a second, it
sounds familiar. Hold the door from my childhood and your dad.
Hold the door. It's hid. Can you hear us? Hello?
(17:35):
Someone in here is dead? Your kids? Presumably it's going
on in there's the fire departments. Everything all right, we
thought you were dead. Oh no, I spilled my water.
I got water all over the elevator. It's okay. I've
got pa everywhere. Somebody report water crime. I reported the
(17:57):
water crime. What's the water crimes? Up? All of my
kids are stuck in this elevator. A couple of kids.
Uh huh? You put your kids in an elevator unattended.
What kind of freak are you? Huh? I'm a father
on the run. Oh excuse me. You can't just leave
these dolphins here. This is a hospital. They'll be fine.
They can be on it look good. They can do
it for an hour and then we soak them up
(18:19):
and they're fine. They plump right back up in the water.
They hump right back up. I got my kiddy kids
in the elevator, and I need to get them out.
So's now. And you called the water police. I called
anyone I could called anyone. I work for JFK the airport. Yes,
hump okay, So it gives me some kind of clearance,
(18:39):
I presume. Yeah, you got clearance level four. What we're
gonna need is uh? I mean, we got us square
guns and there's the both of us and the dolphins.
What would you like us to do? Exactly? Get in there?
And I want I want you let my kids know
that I get in there, get in there the elevator
and do what? Let my kids in all of them?
Why don't you just let him? Here's a microphone? Oh
(19:02):
good on you? Hello, who's out there? Yeah? Hello, there's
a there's a man dying. Dads when my boys died? What? What? Why?
That was my boy? I'm your dad, dadda dad? How
do we know you're not playing some sort of sick
trick on us? And what are all of our names? Then? Yeah?
(19:27):
What's your name? Arthur? You were busy and to Anthony
for the Organs and little Ryan, Dad, get us out
here so we can see it. Bring bring Ryan's body up,
put him through the door, him through the door, the toy.
(19:50):
If we could do that? Ryan is not small, No
he's not. Okay, Well then I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This
is how we meet Dad. Why did you do this?
I wanted to get to know you all. Where did
you do the hold the door thing? Dad? Where's this
water coming from? Okay? Elevator is filling up? Dad, released
water and elevate. Okay, So with swarting pretty hard that
(20:11):
I guess we're gonna squo it a little hard. Got
an emergency. When we got an emergency, we spored harder.
This mean I don't have a malady? Was that all alive?
You do? Laky ladies just coming out of you? The
waters up door to google Dad? Dad? Why dude? And
(20:35):
another one busted by the w p D. Thank you
so much for your service? Oh yeah, absolutely anytime. Are
you right about these dolphins? They are plumping up right
away like a ballpark dog. Your dolphin will plump when
you're cooking. Our next letter comes all the way from
Sweden Atlas Olsen. That's two, says Olsen. Don't you know
(20:57):
I enjoy your superb show everything Thursday? She Atlas, what
do you think Atlas is a fellas? Sure, I'm a technician,
so there's a lot of driving involved, and you guys
keep me smiling through the early mornings in late evenings.
I would love to hear a situation where some cavemen
(21:20):
have been sent forward in time and somehow got work
at an app making company, trying their best to fit
in with their coworkers. Sincerely, Atlas Olsen from Sweden. Well,
if it's all the same to you guys, I think
we should just keep the same image. It doesn't have
to be a flower or not, but it just what
do you mean? It doesn't have to be a flowers
(21:41):
bloom that the app is bloom, so it doesn't matter
it has to be a flower. Okays, do we all
agree it? Just I think we need just some fresh ideas.
I would love some fresh ideas. Okay, Well they a
couple of you. We haven't heard from you. Tommy. You
know I love your passion, very very a bulldozer. Just
say it, he's a bulldozer's passion. Yes, Tommy, would you
(22:05):
like to say anything in front of the group? Tommy, Yes,
I would. I think you're being a little abusive, Okay,
your power grabbing. I'm not power grabbing. Power grabbed. You're
going to present this to the CEO later this afternoon.
I can't have you flower pretty, take flower flower? Wait
a second, keeping you want to flower out operating syst
(22:28):
flower pretty to take flour give me flow alright, we
can't actually give you the flower. Chunk chunk. We can't
give you the flower take flower. Oh chunk chunk is
a new suit. New suit looks like rabbit skin. Did
you make that yourself? Take the flower out of the app.
(22:48):
Oh that's a great that's actually a great ideas the
flower less flower. Well, yeah, yeah, that's nice. Maybe just
a pedal. I love pedal represents everything. Love that? Huh?
I love that? Okay, great, let's get over into the
actual diagnosis. Thank you for supporting that we need more
(23:09):
unique users. He's got a point. Well, of course we do,
and how do we get them? ConA developed a marketing
Conan and you've got something bring people, people people, it's great.
(23:32):
Yeah we can. We should do some community organizing, get
people to use the app for free and word of
mouth spreads around. Maybe maybe lunch before we see the good.
Can we please not raw meat anymore? Can we get
something else. Let's go ra meat okay, tommy salad, Indian food,
(24:00):
island or Indian food. Yeah, we'll pick Indian food. They say, okay, salad, salad?
What kind would you like? Chopped? Chopped? It's good. Bonza
beans interrupt and oh nice, okay, got a body shorter,
I'll get that bloom need to reach mass market? Yes, colors.
(24:26):
Are we not going to talk about this ever? What's that?
Whatever is going on in here? Come on and boom
boom time? All right, boom boom boom time. Stop stop
everybody stop, look at me, Look at me, stop stop,
look at me, stop stop. Chuck Shot Conan wants boom
(24:50):
boom time. Okay, you're not kidding that with me, Chuck.
You want boom boom okay, well then you pay for
it like everybody else. What pay for boom boom time?
Not what it meant much boom boom We didn't. Absolutely
no boom boom boom boom. Fellas are so creative. We
(25:13):
really appreciate it. But every now and then there's this
crazy animal energy that comes through, and it's exciting, and
I want to channel it towards more creativity and less
Where did they come from Portland. If you'd like to
know Portland Portland, Portland, or Portland, Oregon, or food truck,
(25:37):
food truck, food trucks. They had a big food truck
business in Portland, Oregon. It's you're coming home so late now,
I mean off work, okay, but what are you going
to just be with me? Coronan? Make money? I know
you mean money, can I know that? But what are
we going to make love and make money for a woman? Oh?
(25:58):
Come on, don't just call me a woman. Boom boom now, No,
I'm not gonna get boom boom. No con noo no, Conan,
no boom boom, you get boom boom when we talk hungry.
I'm hungry too for connection. Connection. Yes, I want to
feel you again when we first met you nor no
(26:18):
con no, no, pretty thank you, pretty face, thank you. Look,
you're a huge app developer, worth what one to three
billion dollars? I don't know. I don't care about that.
I'll burn all that down if that just means a
moment I get to spend with you. Conan, Marie, I
think we need to get back to the question that
(26:39):
I asked you. We've got about thirteen minutes left in
the session. I'd really like to get through to one
of you. He's sniffling again. Great, question is love or
boom boom boom boom? Okay, everything is boom boom for him,
everything is boom boom. So maybe Marie, if you offered
(27:00):
Conan a little more boom boom? Are you serious than love?
Are you serious? How often is too much? He wants
it every second every day, Conan, make boom boom with Conan. Great.
We talked about this before, and you don't want to
isolate you masturbate when we have people over for sarcuterie
and wine. He's masturbating right now. My question is, what
(27:24):
do you Every second is not a real thing. How
often are we really talking about every second? What do
you mean? That's look he's chucking off right now. Which
you've made it Okay, in this office, everything's okane. It's
a safe place. Darren, my man, my hook up. I
needed some more kind Okay, here you go, thank you.
(27:48):
Here's the coke. I need the cast give you more
money because I have much money. It's a lot of
money taking you the man nikes. Yeah, that's what's up.
Mercedes beech Beach bear By dreas by dre I have
a lot of other appointments today, so you demand thank you,
(28:10):
dyed hair. You'll check everyone that lived tonight in Miami.
We got special guests in the house. One of the developers,
our favorite that bloom we got splains block boom. Are
you the mando who like you make boom boom? Make
no who like Cokay, can't take all this whack bags home?
(28:33):
Have FuG bloom up? All right? He's checking off over there.
He paid a lot of money for this club, and
that's okay. Chunk chunk, chunk. Ats your your landlord? What
are you doing here? We've been getting some complaints, noise
(28:57):
complaints from the people below you there. You live in
the penthouse. Well, I mean it's a it's a two
unit building. Jack, Jack and I have this pasta. Do
please do not touch pasta bypasta? Okay, come back to bed.
I'll come back by boom boom. Look, I certainly can't complain.
(29:21):
You know you pay your rent on time in advance
in cash, you know, so, I mean you're a good
tenant in that way. Come inside, Come inside, okay, come here,
come dear god. What is that? It's tiger. Oh God,
that that's the bigger than any tiger. I have everything.
(29:41):
It's just that's a saber tooth tiger. You get save
it tooth. You're you're supposed to clear all pets with management? God?
What is that? That's act service? Taradactors live at the
same time. It's game. Absolutely, I got from Mosquito. Okay,
Kings come back? No, don't eat my food. My food
(30:04):
come back? Look would you rent at this panhouse? I
didn't ask things like the pterodactyls masturbating that it is
hard to do. Look, I didn't ask fundamental things like
where did you come from? Like, no, I don't believe
that for one second. But keep the noise down after
(30:24):
ten o'clock? Okay, can we do that? Do you know
what ten o'clock is? Chunk chunk? It depends on time zone? Yeah, good, good? Okay?
What can I finish the Tom? Do you? You can
have Tom Kai? Good morning Bloom employees, all right, thank you,
(30:46):
and thank for him coming in this early. Okay. I
just want to say we personal pr is a big
issue here, okay, And there's a lot of people going around.
They're doing things that they shouldn't be doing you get
to the point. The point is, okay, it is everyone's
masturbating in public. Yes, not a great look. That's not
a great look. We cannot do that. You and Tommy
(31:09):
masturbate me and Tommy privately. If I do, my therapist says, okay,
it's okay. Safe space in a safe space. Not everything
is a safe space anymore. Safe space, Wendy Williams show,
not a safe bo't but no boom boom. Here we
(31:33):
got the numbers in. We made ten point six brilliant dollars.
Can you explain what you think our app is? Bloom?
Keep going bloom bloom. Oh my god, what do you
think it is? Because I'm getting an idea of what
they think. I know it is. I write code, code,
(31:56):
go code. What do you think it? No, you haven't
answered the question that you just said you write code
and then they just all cheered code ten billion dollars? Yes, yes, okay, great,
so you're not gonna answer. Fantastic koke. We know koke. Uh,
(32:19):
David Choe, you know him? Portland organ app is flower?
What part of this is the CEO? Gonna enjoy? By
the way, this is all great in this room where
we've got to present to the CEO this afternoon. We're
trying to make a hundred billion dollars. Yeah, you man,
you take flower, oh de flower from Bloom Bloom? What from? No, No,
(32:45):
we're not doing that, virgin. Wait a second, is the app?
Are you saying it needs to be more sexual? That's
the vibe I'm getting more boom boom boom boom boom boom.
Might be the smelling here. It might not just be. Okay,
I'm busy, I'm busy. I'm giving you a little bit
of time. I've got apps, I've got things to make,
(33:06):
and so mr Mr Peterson, if we may, we don't
want We're not here to waste your time. Our new app, Pedal,
is a sexual experience. Conan, why don't you know we
took what we did with Bloom and we've jumped off.
We're now Pedal. We're hitting you with something brand new
and very fresh. Pandle make boom boom, Pedal make boom boom.
(33:26):
You want boom boom? What does that mean? Pedal make? Okay,
it makes what a sexual experience we call boom boom. Now,
if you look right now, some of the coders are
masturbated in your office. Yeah, I was like, what is
that called an uncontrollable desire? Who doesn't want a fantasy
to come true? Who wants to be with someone on this?
(33:51):
I don't you know what I'm out. We started with
the meal delivery thing, and this has gone in a direction.
There's like, it's sorry, Tommy, I didn't sign up for Regina,
but you signed up for us? Did I? WHOA? I
guess not. I guess not. I guess void. Contract all
intens was contract. I guess I just made it with
(34:12):
your eyes? What I made the contract with your eyes
when I looked at you. I made a deal with myself.
It was internal. I didn't sign an I know it was.
I was saying, it was poetically that I A contract
was the love. You made a contract with my eyes,
not literally with your eyes, Regina, I said that I made.
I'm not full of ship. I'm Tommy peddling boom boom.
(34:33):
I love it. I love what you're doing here. I
feel it. I feel the wrong emotions. I liked the
whole thing, and you know what sold me. Anytime anybody
who's has ever walked in here and said, it's like
uber for this I'm sold and he he said it
was like Uber for sex for boom boom. Regina, you've
(34:56):
got above and beyond the way you sold us. Here today,
everyone's masturbating the room. You two are having this quarrel,
Mr Peters. If it's possible, I think with a slight
pay raise, we could get Regina to stay. And by
slight one point two is that what it'll take? Is
(35:16):
that what it will take make a contract? She's creative
with my eyes. Tell me you get on that conscious
forward thinking. And Tommy is yesterday's news. It's like fish
and I'm out wrapped up. Get the smell. That smell,
that fishy smell is that's Tommy. I'm out in his position.
That's exactly why we're here. Conan, Look, I'm sorry, I'm
(35:37):
taking the kids. I'm I don't care how big this
app is. But where do you go? I'm going to
go someplace you're never going to find. She's coming with me,
you monster. Come on, let's get out of a monster. No,
I'm not a masturbating You made a weird sex app
and you're a weird sex guy. Okay, take for coming
(36:00):
to my apartment. I think I think people know like us. No, no,
I think they're on to us. Maybe we go back
in time. We said we would never use use the
(36:24):
time machine again. But me no happy, Me got cocaine
addiction and sexual appetite that cannot be satisfied. Me too.
Why don't we just go to JFK and get time
playing these people upset app? Make them upset app? Time waste? Mhm,
(36:50):
you get Joathan brain from I'm so sorry, I'm I think,
I mean, can you keep it down on? Know what
kind of meeting you're having? But it's like three of
the more so we work. Okay, we pay for space,
but you said it was your apartment earlier, and like
it's I know, I know you do, I know. Okay, Okay,
(37:11):
it's fine, just relax. I just please keep it down, please, okay,
we will keep down. I have people live under me too.
Let's go home where we are understood and the three
(37:37):
were killed, Thank goodness. People were just starting to write letters.
No more masturbating scenes. If it's possible, children listen to
the podcast. Our next suggestion comes from Matthew m MYSI
(37:59):
that polic I love listening to your poe. What's that
you're going to beat me, sends list until I give
you and your crew a scenario to act out. Fine,
since I love my face the way it is, I'll
give you my ideas. An inventor accidentally discovers time travel. Matthew,
what the fuck is called? Group man? What else? Exactly?
(38:23):
It's accidental discovery is very important. They go back in time,
change history by mistake, come back to the president, find
out how badly they messed up the timeline. This can
repeat a few times, oh can it? So we should
be like going over heard pizza store. Hey, what's gonna
take to get you in a delirium today? What you
(38:45):
want to buy this Delian? Yeah? Yeah, what's gonna take?
You don't know? Give me? Sorry? You came in here
and I thought you were a serious buyer. I've got
a DeLorean and I can offer you time travel. So
what's it gonna take to get you into the I
just offered you a price if you want me to
get in rephrase, the time traveling machine is a car. Okay,
(39:08):
So would you like to go to the past the future?
Where would you like to go? And you're offering me
forty dollars? No, I couldn't, but over here, he wants
you to pay him. Oh my misunderstanding. So I'm offering
your time travel and you'd like forty dollars. You just
asked me what would it take for me to get in? Yeah,
I mean you can't do that. I don't know what
(39:30):
you come back to my office? Yeah, Rick, Yeah, you
are the worst salesman I have ever hired. Well, look
at my numbers, they're terrible. You've been bleeding out money
from this company. You just gave somebody fifteen thousand dollars
to take a Kawasaki motorcycle off the lot, right, so
we paid fourteen I don't care how much I'm married
(39:52):
to your sister. I'm the fucking furious Rick. Go out
there and sell a god damn dolor. All right, welcomes,
or what are you looking for today? How can I
help you? Have you seen the DeLorean? No? I haven't.
All right, Well, it offers zero to sixty and four
point two gas mileage is not terrific because it's a DeLorean.
(40:12):
Here's a bonus time travel. I was about to ask, Yeah,
with it allow me to travel throughout time? Yeah? You
know the movie the thing that about, But we now
have that technology. This particular Deloian comes without option, and
this is a two thousand, nineteen DeLorean. It is. It's
brand news. It's just made four times, still making them. Well,
(40:33):
this one just came off the dock. And uh, if
you've got forty two five, I'm so sorry. I don't
want to report you again. But you can't tell people
were getting the Deloreans off the dock. Why the cars
come from not the dock. So, despite John Delorean's career
(40:53):
ending in disgrace in the mid nineteen eighties and the
carline not being manufactured since then, you're telling me that
a brand new DeLorean that has the exact time specifications
that the Back to the Future trilogy has it is
now available. Just a little all right. It's not brand new.
My passion for telling it to you is brand new
(41:14):
because you just walked in the door. Okay, so throw
out a number. Let's see get back. If I can't
damn office, pardon me, sir. I can't keep him on
a leash. I have my own customers. You've been interrupting him,
and you've been calling him out on the falsehoods that
he's trying. You are not get the Samantha. If you
(41:43):
say anything to Rick, make it positive and helpful. You Rick, No,
don't ever backstep something that's brand new. Where does the where?
What's on? I want you guys to go back. Don't
never backstep what's the If he thinks it's new, don't
backstep it and call it my pitches new. It's from
the new car, it's from the early eighties though, it
(42:06):
doesn't matter. Okay, Okay, I have to go out there.
Give me one more chance. Samantha best be on his side.
I love you, honey, I love you too. Okay, Okay, sir, Yes,
I'm still here. I the the GM wanted me to
be clear about one thing. When I said I was
fibbing that it wasn't brand new. That was like a
(42:27):
test to see if you really know deloreans well, and
I do. Okay, then you know this one is in
fact brand new. What he said, does the time machine
actually work? Yes? Well, you know what. Let's take it
for a test drive. Would you like any soft cheese?
Pick a year? I would like some soft thank you.
That's finest breed. Also brand new pick a year? Um?
(42:53):
Why seventy one? If I can inquire, that's pushy the
year before the Godfather came out tonight. I just think
it would be where the hell is rare? Where the
fuck is rare? Sir? If you could just keep it doing?
How you doing? How are you, Samanthy? I saw you
(43:15):
when I was in your last night. Where is that?
Son of abits? Rick? Okay, well you just saw many
a kisak. The wheel just came up almost just totally
soft cheese. For the hell is Rick? Has I seen
hiding my hunted little Orian? He's right over there, Rick,
Thank you? Rick? You can see Rick? Hello, I see you?
What do you want? What do you? What do I want?
(43:38):
There's so many I had? You paid me fi, Yes,
I did what you do with the money I gave you.
I still have it. Right. They get a new tower
tire and get off my job. I'm not gonna get
off any buddy. If you're thinking about buying something from
this piece of ship, don't do it, all right? All right?
I disagree, I disagree. We're a fine store whatever. Whatever.
You know what, man, you're a bad salesman, and you
(44:00):
lady what you got? Your eyes are too close together?
Are they? I've ever heard that? You know what? Somebody
told me my eyes are perfect? Whatever do you know
that she was an eye model from seventy flens Crafters
the years go back. Don't worry you. Do you ever
(44:21):
think there's more for us than just working here at
the docks? Good good, I don't want to work no
one but the ducks. That's how we got a new
car coming in. Listen. That kind of talk is like
really anti union. I was just no, I know, I
was just thinking, you know what, if there was something
more out there for us, well, then bring it up
at the next union meetings are going to get us.
I thought you were my friend. I'm your friend. I
(44:47):
don't know. Hey, maybe I'm just talking Craiz. No, no, no,
you can talk to me. It's between us Spolkswagen ba
Okay up. Just I was wanting to do dance nothing,
it's nothing, no, no, no, no, I hear you what what?
It's just stupid idea. If I wasn't a dockworker, I
(45:07):
would have been a dame. Guys, bad news to close
the dock down unless we raise four dollars for the
talent show, where are we going to get talented? Well, well,
I can dance, Donny can dance dance? Well, it's interpretive dance,
(45:28):
so it's not really easy for somebody give him a beat. Okay, Well,
Joe Joe with the one eye, whe eye Joe over there.
He I just call him Joe, honestly. It don't just
trying to make that nickname. It was already Joe. I'm
just saying Joe, Joe. Joe's good with music, good with
his mouth, making beats, nothing bros. Okay, I condanced this
(45:59):
and books to smooth. Hey, Sammy, wyn't you give us
some lyrics? Everything? And thinking about tomorrow? What do you
want me to go? So I think about them, the
people we'll get. I'll put it out. I took a
(46:20):
codfish turning in side side. We don't want it. Where
is it going? Waving over my lots of mammal and
not neverbody it was. I saw codfish inside up inside,
(46:46):
I got a dog waving. Oh my my head, that's
a fish. Everybody, How do we sound? So if you
just be one second, sir, no problem again? That ninety
seventy one. Yes, I went to undercover the Watergate scandal
(47:08):
before Woodward and Bernstein enterprising. I'll be right back. I'll
be right back to what is it? I'm so close
to its closed. The deal, baby, I'm about to close
the shop. What are you talking about? It's I don't
even think we're gonna be able to sell anymore. The
docks closing, that's where we get all do closing. I
(47:29):
can sell right now. We really get the cars from
the dock, Samantha, have you not been paying attention? I
could have sworn we didn't get the cars from what
did you think? They came from a garage somewhere, a dock,
a garage, so that brought in on trucks. I suppose
that's exactly what I thought. I've seen those car transporter trucks. Yeah. Well,
(47:50):
we're gonna probably have to shut the shop down, so
dang it. Can I just sell the Dolorian please, I guess,
But just be careful with the space time continuum, because
this is the last sale and we can't fix it
if it gets fucked. Okay, you don't know. Seventy one
is where you'd like to go. I've set the thing,
and now if you'll just take this briefcase full of
(48:11):
forty two dollars, that's what what we feel it will
take to get you in this deloyan serious, you have
two dollars and what I asked, Yeah, it's the only
way to get the sales, sir nineteventy one terms that
that money will go far. That's exactly right. I just
don't understand why he gets more money than well, yeah,
(48:33):
do you know what? I may have this backwards? How
about if you gave us No, that's I'm gonna go
way outside the box. That's not how it works. The
way that it works is that you give me this.
And I go back to nineteen seventy one, though, and
I developed the prototype for this very car. We've always
(48:55):
had this conversation what this is always how it's happened.
I made this call, I made this time machine. And
here's where you give me the money. Take the money. Please, Hey, Brad,
stop being so bogardish and pass that weed. Man, Come on, man,
nothing happens in this town anyway. What the man? This
(49:22):
is some good weed? Man? Man, this weed is fucking laced. Man.
Hey follows all right? That rup? But what's white the can? Uh?
Oh yeah, there's one, Marty. Where'd your cousin get this
(49:45):
ship again? He got it from Ecuador's Boom boom whoam who? Well, yeah,
I guess you gotta fun each other. Dude, is that
what that means? I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't.
I'm not a kid that idea. I'm totally fluid. Man Like,
I'm like, what does that mean? I don't know. Damn
(50:05):
this is good. Where Where are we? Where are we?
Staten Island, one, August three, August third, Stead Island. Nixon's
in the White House is fucking nuts. So man, where
are you from? Caveman A right on from Oh hey, guys,
(50:32):
we're trying to make load that's on on your request.
Boom boom word And he's like, I'm totally down with that.
I'm down. I'm open. It's past the sixties, but I'm
still down. Yeah, excuse me, I'm I'm I'm from Paramount Pictures.
I'm looking for an address here in Staten Island. We're
doing location scouting for this new movie, The Godfather. The Godfather?
(50:55):
What's that about? For the Catholic movie or something. It's
based on the best selling novel that every one's pretty
familiar with. You mean, the Mario book. Yeah, we're looking
for some locations here in Staten Island. I feel like
we could probably rent this place. Hey, look, just because
you manage this shell station, you can come over and
act like you're our friend. We're about to make love. Man.
(51:15):
I don't plan to being either one of your friends,
but I have an opportunity, a business opportunity. So a
few fellas could take your love make into the back area.
The big Shell scene from the book is going to
happen here over here, a huge fan the big shell
see is gonna happen here. Yeah, let's see where Jimmy
con gets shot a bunch of times at the show. Jimmy,
(51:38):
Jimmy Conn is gonna be run and I haven't read it. Well,
they don't say that in the book. And that's where
the day ends in the GM's office where Rick and
Samantha just don't see. Let's go around and thank your
alchemists for another tremendous session. We're gonna start with Jimmy,
(51:59):
Jack Haney, James, Oh my gosh, thank you, yes, thank you,
thank you. If you would like to check out some
awesome stuff, go to Brief News brief dot com or
find me in any If you search the real James Teney,
you'll find me. Oh nice, Vanessa Raglan, Hey, you can
find me a Dynasty tagwriter the actual vacation in Los
Angeles on wilshare or the Instagram account. Come for the
(52:22):
ha ha and stay for the pop Chris Alvarado. He
laughed about the popcorn like it was so stupid. I
think it's adorable, tasty. My name is Chris Alvarado. You
can search that google v Chris Alvarado. Craig Kakowski at
(52:46):
Kaikowski on Twitter c A C K O W s
K I just like it sounds. Look for me in
the current season of Drunk History and the another great season.
Thank you in the upcoming film Wine Country on Netflix.
Very excit it about the country and uh Jimmy Gregg grew.
You can find me at Jeffy Greeber on Instagram or
(53:07):
my website Joey Greer dot com dot com. You have
to spell out dot com. Oh, it's d O t
com dot com. Wow, so I'm trying to I want
to make it difficult. Side the side project, that's Raphael Brito. Okay,
let's thank Raphael Brito while we're at it for the
lovely sound design of this particular podcast. Right to us
(53:27):
at your name here at alchemy this dot com. My
name is Kevin Pollock, you can find me uh just
in the backyard. I want to thank uh Doug Baine,
engineer at the Stars, and Sophie Lichterman uh and all
the fine folks are at the I Heart place where
they make magic happen each and every day. Again your
(53:48):
name here at alchemy this dot com. We'd love to
hear from you, and continue to tell everyone you've ever
met to subscribe and write a review and do all
those things. We are desperate for your love and support,
and so far, so good, So thank you for all
of that. Until next time, I'm gonna need one more
little sharper ready And until next time, perfect, there a
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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