July 2, 2020 • 59 mins
Superheroes and villains plan a showdown in the age of social distancing.
Construction workers at Stonehenge vs. Druids.
Misfit actors on a low budget remake of Star Wars.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back to another episode of All This of the
nineteen Tony edition. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Ass that Kevin. Yes,
I am rewatching the Sopranos for the first time. Sin's
it originally twenty one years ago, and yes, once again,
I love it and I want the character of Tony's
sister the actress. Of course, the character of Tony's sister
(00:26):
to just go the fuck away. But I digress. Let's
been roam a shower in particular order to say hello
to Craig Atkowski kick go. Could you imagine for us, please,
what Winston Churchill would have sounded like as a stand
up comedian. I will do my type five in the clubs,
(00:50):
and I will do my type five in the streets.
Very good, cove when you see the red light, wrap
it up. Yeah, look out, it's Caroline Cotter. Cotter Shotter.
If you could say one thing to John Stamos, what
would it be? A yogurt? Nice, so good, solid as
(01:15):
a motherfucking rock. Hey, Mark gagliardis here. That's me, Uh,
Johnny dark Mark favorite park? Excuse me, favorite park attraction
or ride? And why please? Uh? My favorite park attraction
is u is the Haunted Mansion because because it is
(01:36):
a perfectly crafted ride. And for those of you who
don't know the one in Los Angeles, Uh, if you
see the giant spider in the dining hall scene, that
giant spider is covering up a bullet hole, and that
bullet hole was shot through it, and it was more
expensive to lift the roof off of the place and
(01:56):
replace a giant panted glass than to just put a
spider over there. So I like it because it's the
only right that people shoot at. It was Elvis though
that it was Elvis. That hey man, look man, that
ghost was looking at me. Funny. I think that ghost
might have been one of them drug hippies. So don't
do it for President Nixon. Man, thanks Sonny Red. Get
(02:21):
that monkey out here, Um, you're king everybody. Look, there's
James Heeney, Hinky Jinkie Jimmy. If you were an animal
in a zoo, how would you try to help the
animals escape? I believe that I would first try to
(02:42):
teach acting classes for a great deal of time, because
if you couldn't manipulate the zoo crew to think that
you're you're not paying attention, well then you've got the edge,
so you would you would teach the other actors how
to out other animals how to act like they're not
paying a tension, like they're sick, or like they don't
(03:02):
care about the door that's open behind the zookeeper. Stop
looking at the door. In other words, yeah, and like
really be coy about you know your escape plan. The
first thing is you can't look like you're trying to
get out. If you look like you're trying to get out,
they're gonna be all blocking the door. So rather than
telling the animals that you're going to first teach them
how to act well, you gotta learn to crawl before
(03:24):
you can walk. Foundation I love it. Uh. And last,
but you have to bring the cans in every week
if you think in the least it's Joey Greer Cindy Jane.
In order for your life to return to normal, you
personally have to work at a fast food chain for
(03:44):
two weeks. Which one and job title? Please? Which fast
food chain? I can't hear Joey? Can anyone hear joe
he's talking? I think he's thinking, Oh now I can
hear you thinking, which is really weird? So weird? I
guess the fast food chain. Olive Gardens accounts fast food, right,
(04:08):
it's uh not considered fast food, but it should be.
But if that's your choice, we can go with it.
And and I would be um chef backup house expeditor.
So I'm the guy with the card saying like this,
we've got bread sticks, you know, and then they have
to run them out and I did that for two weeks.
I also just want to say, Zoo crew, love it.
(04:28):
I loves off the tongue so nicely. And all right,
let's do a damn show. Uh. Many of our scene
suggestions today we gather from your listener emails. If you'd
like to submit yours, please write to the podcast at
your name here alchemy this dot com. That's your name here,
(04:52):
alchemy dot com. Seen one comes from listener at Robert,
who wrote High Gang this is a scene suggestion. I
just want to drop a note to my favorite podcast
and say thank you, thank you for the the for
the continuity. Wow, it's truly working out the word continue.
Thank you for the continuity of normality. It's very hard
(05:14):
for a lot of people right now. I speak for
more than myself when I say that this show helps
me keep saying in this very trying time, okay, maybe
just one scene suggestion superheroes and villains planning a showdown
while remaining conscious of social distancing. Stay safe and well.
Robert from hender Tucky, Nevada, and pretty much if you
(05:40):
understand it, it's more of a I mean, it's just bread,
a natural. I can just shoot things out of my eyes.
I don't think about it. I just you know, like
you would go to reach for a coffee cup or
anything else, you just do. You do it, And you
think that a mask would have make that more difficult
to do? Hold up, you have eye guns? Yes, yes,
(06:03):
I prefer not to use that kind of language, but
yes I can. How did you realize you could do this? Um?
Great question? People know, it's not that great of a question.
It's kind of right down the middle, like a lot
of heat from both of you, and I understand side.
I think that it's great. It's fantastic. It's one of
that moment where we discover our superpower, is my point.
(06:26):
How do you forget that and have to go? Um? Actually,
now that I think about it, I'm not entirely sure
I believe you can't shoot anything out of your eyes,
point was Professor I blast, he's gonna be able to
shoot things out of his eyes. Were on the team here?
Do you really think that the villain league is sitting
(06:46):
around complaining to one another right now? Or are they
getting ready for this showdown? I think they're being dick.
They're always dicks. Captain Napkins, thank you for coming to
my defense. I appreciate that. Captain Napkins. You're looking well.
I see you recovered from our last gathering. Yeah, I
clean up, Okay, get it, got it good? All right? Um,
(07:11):
let's get right down to business that how are we
going to implement the new uh proprietary Uh you're talking
trademark laws. Look, I don't care about making money off
of this, all right, what do you what? I'm talking
about this? Right, let's go, let's try protocols. How are
we gonna carry it forward with the new protocols? Like
(07:34):
I mean, if your eye shooter, obviously you can be
six ft away, as you guys know, I'm I'm captain
hands on. So what then am I supposed to do?
Is that a literal thing? You're literally are your hands on? Well?
His power comes from the strength that his hands Tom Tom.
If I can touch someone, I can tell you what
they're thinking and what they're gonna do, and how dangerous
(07:55):
they might be. But I have to touch them really
useful when things already have that's great. Oh my god,
it's good to me. I don't touch him. We need
to say six feet apart. I just have to be healthy.
Touch me. I guess if I could kill someone with
my eyes, I too would have this kind of unhelpful attitude.
(08:16):
Right here, we go, great, incoming call from Dr Maligno.
In coming call from doctor. We have to give it. Yeah,
but how do we hold on? He's going to come
on this screen right here? Which my god, Oh my god,
it's right behind me. Hello, Cape Crusade is loud? How
do we turn that down? We turn this down? God,
(08:43):
that's loud. How do we turn it? Might be it
might be on my end? All right, I'm setting it
to seven. Seven Is that a good number? And so loud?
It's okay. I'm gonna log off a log back on. Alright, alright,
(09:03):
what happened? Why why did you love? They said I
was loud? Well, that's because you're projecting hook good hurt here,
it's good. Come on, are we're going to have these
zoomed the showdown on zoom or what zoomed down? You
keep trying to make zoom down happen, and happen it
(09:26):
rolls off the tongue, it does not. Okay, then what
do you suggest instead? We go over and we kill them.
We just do it. We know where they're at, Just
go over there and do it. That also works. You know.
I think this whole thing is actually a hoax, so serious,
that's what I believe. We're so we're not going to
(09:48):
do the social distancing, Senator Slime. We are doing the
social distancing. Okay, I'm not gonna get sick. Good. I
have elderly parents. Oh you should live by yourself. I
think it's harassing you still live with your parents. I
live in my mom's basement. All right, that your parents
(10:13):
that they're all right? Thank you? My love? Am I
loud here? By the way, Maybe it's it's just me,
isn't it? What does somebody else want to? And I've
gotten us all these matching gold masks so that we
can look like a Justice team. So let's went. But
(10:36):
before he calls in, I want to make sure we
all look good at these, I gotta say, I don't look.
I don't know if if I can wear this. Man,
this part of my face is the only part of
me that's exposed, and it's if I put this mask
on my there's gonna be no skin showing. Like the
mask part is the only part where actually get some sunshine.
And I'm not gonna get any vitamin D if Captain
(10:58):
Napkin needs his vitamin D. Now was this something voted on.
I did not know we were going to be required.
I already have a mask, so I don't know if
I need another golden mask. If we don't have a uniform,
then what kind of a team are we? Well that
you do not have a mask, and that's why you
suggested the rest of us where you're matching mask. And
(11:19):
I don't know that this is going to help us
defeat our foes. Listen, I got a bulk discount on
these golden masks. I'm just saying, if we all wear one,
this gold is chipping off. I mean, it's it's not
it's gold, It's like pinate. Jeez, Super League breaks my
heart to see you guys fighting like this. What boy,
(11:40):
why can't we have the old Super league back, he's
got a point, Sergeant Costco. Can we let it go
with the masks? I mean, I don't think so we
really have to wear masks? Help him out him to napkins. Well,
I don't want to touch him. I don't want to
touch him. Thanks wonder boy, but you should probably go
(12:05):
get a test now incoming call from the chilcom and
call police of Chief of police. I don't mean, guys,
she's so mean every time. Okay, so we're just not
(12:27):
going to answer it. I just don't clicked answer. I
clicked answer. I don't know what to do. Well, they
hung up. They probably took too long. Well, I bought
us some time. I don't want to talk to the
chief of police. It sounds like it was going to voicemail.
What do we do if our foes do not acknowledge
the pandemic protocols? Let's start with that question. What are
(12:48):
we prepared to do? Because if they break the six
ft barrier, are we then going to break the six
ft bearer? Because if not, it's broken. If we do
it or not, so I'll all bets are office. Soon
as they break it, we're good to go. Are you
so you can use your hands. Yeah, yes, captain hands yes, yes,
(13:11):
you I mean why would I care? Because if they protocol,
then suddenly, you know what if they break the protocol
and then you decide, oh, now they broke the protocol,
I can go touch him, then we're no better than
they are. Captain hands on. Hi, guys, sorry, I know
that we are open for outdoor dining, but um, it's
just that you guys are using up the only tables
we have here. Um, and you've just ordered waters from
(13:34):
the tap for the table, so we don't know what.
We don't know what. That's awful. You should be tipping
at least if you're going to be using these tables.
And if you don't know what you want from that
man over there with the bleeding eyes, then look, you've
been here for two hours, napkins. Can we go to
your place? I mean it's not very big, but a second,
(13:58):
we're not gonna get kicked out. Well, we are not
gonna get kicked out of here. Listen, let's talk to you.
So let's let's lay it down here. We're superheroes and
we're using this as our fortress. This is my god.
But you guys are super isn't like a big thing
that your identity needs to be kept secret. Yes, you
don't know who we are. I just have bleeding eyes
that you can only see my mouth. You know I
(14:19):
can tell who you are by your mouth. May I
have your consent to put my hands on you? Absolutely not.
Even if this was we did not have a pandemic
right now, I would not. I will place them in
a very safe area. You're putting them right on my breasts.
(14:41):
What the hell you know now that they're there? I listen, listen,
it's obviously a real disease. Okay, it's real. Why can't
I see it? Are you fucking insane? It's microsop Sam insane.
That's my superpower. It's just hard to do this voice
(15:04):
and be quiet, I guess, is what I'm what I'm saying.
We don't mind. We don't mind whispering for me. We
mind that you stopped blowing out their indrums. You were
hurting them, and you were like, yeah, I'll stop. What
the funk man? Yeah you've gotten soft. Look, we've got
to set up the protocols for this rumble. No, we don't.
(15:25):
We don't have villains. I'm trying to make that happen.
I'm kind of fun. Reminds you of Zoomba, my favorite
kind of workout. Oh I wish I could go back
to Zoomba. Oh my god, me too. Anyways, that sometimes
(15:49):
the scenes let us know when they're done seem too
comes from David, you wrote high Alchemist, I won't be
labor my as you guys are amazing and so funny.
Sometimes I forget how to breathe. Here is my suggestion.
The construction workers at Stonehenge argue with the Druids paying
(16:11):
for it and the architect who designed it. Keep up
the good work. David from Australia. I don't know what
a smoothie side a bit o pick it up from
the bottom. What do you mean the bottom? The bottom
is underneath the ground? What you exactly? And that's why
you have to lift from the bottom while you're gonna
(16:31):
pull out your back. Jesus Christ, Look, can we just
touch the two is? There's no way for y'all to
just make some kind of magic but stones, yes, you do?
You you don't use magic, and somehow there's all these
huge stones here. Well, I mean you're elementalists using magic
(16:53):
from nature and you worship we worshiped nature. Nature is
not magic. Nature is nature God. I swear to go
one day they're like, oh, we need a sacrifice, and
then they're like, now we don't do that. Actually we
just use the stick to it. I had to give
you my lamb, you use it for a sacrifice, and
(17:13):
you're still wearing the lamb's skull on your head. So
don't tell me. Don't magic. It was more of a
meal than a sacrifice God. But thank you. You're welcome.
And honestly, what we do is much more similar to
alchemy than magic. We use nature. About alchemy, Mike, I
(17:37):
don't know how much about Oh I live in a
little fun Mike. So what you're gonna want to do
is lift these stones into the position that we showed
you in the blueprints. That's alchemy. No, that's the process
to make these stokes. I'm confused. Correct me if I'm wrong.
(17:59):
But my pal or go over there, ask you to
explain alchemy, and you told us to move a stone.
You know what you second this? I also said that
alchemy is what makes these stones. These stones are not natural.
(18:20):
These are you would call them magic. But we create
him through a It doesn't matter which the elements, and
which of us were hired to build a thing at
a day rate? At that what? I don't know it.
You were hired by us not to argue with us,
(18:43):
but to lift those stones. Okay, why don't you just
tell us that instead of giving us a bit of
a riddle? Huh am, I'm not going to riddles. I'm
not going to riddles. I'm good at lifting stones. Are
you making fun of me? No? No? Oh, my gus sensitive,
it's all let's lift this in ready to Oh? Is
(19:10):
my spine to shut out? My Oh? I think you
guys should be using some sort of tools. You're using
your hands about a lever or? Oh, my guys, a
little tale, isn't it? Oh? Why don't you fix this
man with some alchemy? Pantheon, I don't know that alchemy,
(19:34):
and we use alchemy to build stones. We don't use
alchemy to replace spines that have excreted through butt holes.
Please just fix my friend. Let's gather some let's gather
some ingredients. We're going to need a stronger druid. Now,
my disciples, there's a view that have come to study
(19:57):
with me deep into the forest. You are now ready
to go out and teach this knowledge to all that needed.
Are you ready, Pantheon, No, you already, Yes, I'm ready.
Teach me one more time. The meaning of Druidism the
druidsm is to it hardest the natural state of things
(20:20):
and create a more suitable natural state of things. Sorry,
we will be here much longer. I got to check
in with the misses or she gets it's longer. We
haven't done with the sacrifice, right, it's just been three
days out here with this, and they're in the family
(20:41):
to let him know how much longer I'm going to be.
That's all I think. You just give me. Look, I
don't know I have. Pantheon has to say it course,
three days of I don't know about time. The Druids
care funk all about time? Is that the problem? You
know what? Let's just sacrifice some quick. Let's get somebody else,
all right, give me the knife, but the knife there,
don't sacrificed my partner, Pantheon. Pantheon, No, no, no, Pantheon,
(21:07):
this this this peasant. I'm going to sacrifice the Blaney builder. Yes,
let's right. Bring us out to the woods, teach us
your your shye, your dribble, and then kill us. So
I'm honestly for three fourting days. That's beautiful. Okay, I've
heard enough? Have you? Have you heard enough? Because that's
what I was thinking over three days in the stomach
(21:30):
in the night goes Pantheon Erica as the head of
accounting for the Druids, going over this contractor bill. Yes,
one lamb, Yes, stones, I had agreed to half a lamb.
(21:52):
What's what's going on? This is turning into a real
money fit. Well, we are a little over budget. We're
going a little long, but but this is gonna last
a long long time forever forever. Well that's the goal, yes,
isn't it? Um? Are there other no other contractors we
(22:13):
can we can use? Well, we had one and we
had a three day meeting with him, but he complained,
so he was stabbed ceremonially. Of course, we're looking for
more contractors. It's difficult to find contractors in this area.
Yeah are you doing? Yeah? This is uh ex inventa
(22:35):
tricks and family. So well, what can I do here for?
What do you name your ex invent a tricks? The contractor? Yeah,
what do you need here? Everything you need from mud
huts too sticks against the wall. I got you. What
do you need? We are building stonehenge. Unroll the scroll,
(22:55):
show show him that it's at the bottom of this scroll. Okay,
oh all right, we've gotten about a third of the
way done. We keep having workers whose spines shoot out
their buttholes when they try to Yeah, yeah, I get that.
I get that. So now I'm presuming this is actual size.
(23:16):
It's about the size of my thumb. Is that right?
Oh no, this is this is the size of This
is the size of a small plot of farmland that's
up at the top of the scroll in the corter.
All right, it's hard for me to imagine. All right,
that's hard for me to imagine. All right, let's how
about this. How about I send the team down there,
some of my family guys. We'll go down, they will
(23:38):
check it out, we'll give you an estimate, and then
we can talk from there. Well that sounds great, alright, awesome.
Just so you know, I don't want to be cursed
by either of you. So what I'm gonna do is
something way nice. I'm gonna guys give you. I'm gonna
give you guys a really good deal. I love what
you do. I don't want any kind of stone elementals
coming down to my little place and bashing us in
the head in the nighttime. All right, we look forward
to meeting your crew. Wait a second, you telling us
(24:02):
we're going to some place in England. You know what
the fuck? Something job? Am I supposed to tell my
pregnant wife. She's due to pop any day now. So
I'm leaving your wife to pomp already. I've been telling
that I scream at a belly every night. Nothing happens,
(24:23):
been screaming out of stomach. Maybe it won't happen. Maybe
she'll be bringing for from other couple of years. Hey, bus,
is this uh? I don't even know? I mean, can
you please stop coming up with these different things? Right?
I hate the fact that you're out there coming up
with these different what you called meat. I'm trying to
(24:43):
make it happen. Yeah, bullshit, you're trying to make it happen.
You're trying to spit some fucking lines in the head.
All right now, the druisil tell us what to do
and how to measure it. We're not supposed to think
of that shot ourselves. You got, so we build these
The size of our thumb is that what this is?
That was my That was my thought too. Now apparently
it's the size of field or something. Look what the field?
All of us are eighteen years old, all right, the
(25:03):
cheese of us living any longer? This, you know what
I mean? So we gotta get on a boat for
for a week to get over there? Right? Oh? Is
that what you got this huge boat outside? Yeah? I
got the huge ball of course. That's why I have
the huge boat out there. Think it is? And then
we bring in marble slabs with us or they got
them there? Yeah, marble? What the hell were you doing
(25:24):
me a favorite? Were you stopped thinking outside the box?
You're pissing my all? What about what about the number
of no shows and no works did we get? Did
we get as many of all five? Yeah? We got that, okay,
because I don't want, you know, coming down our throats
with this ship. No, totally, alright. So once if we
don't die on the boat from various diseases and we
(25:45):
get over there, who who do we check in with?
Is there a head guy? Yeah, there's a Druid's two
catch what now? Druid d Okay? So I'm looking over
this bill and you're you're bringing in a team from
a US the oceans. There's no there's nobody local you
could have used. We could not find anyone local. These
(26:06):
they're from Brooklyn, New York. They are highly recommended. Uh
and they only they only lost two on the voyage.
I told you crop circles, it's just going to be easier.
Those only last the season. This is gonna last forever.
It'll be worth the investment. Don't you want to be
one of the wonders of the world. Yeah, well, look,
(26:31):
I'm I'm in accounting talk talk to the head druid.
I'm just trying to make talks to the head druid. Hi.
I know this is the accounting office, but they just
kept kind of giving me the run around. So I
didn't know where else to go. But I have an
issue with one of your one of your druids. He
(26:52):
said that Drudaism is about alchemy, and I had just
a problem with that because I had him just install
small stone structure around my house and that was in
order to keep trolls away and I keep my children
in livestock safe. But my kids got stolen and so
did my livestock, so that didn't work, and I just
don't know who to cut to the shape. How many
(27:14):
lambs do you want? Just give me a number of lambs? Well,
I mean I was at I was at two hundred ahead,
So like that. I mean, that's how many lambs I lost.
I lost two hundred lambs. What do you mean? Two
hundred ahead? That's what I lost? Hundred lambs? Or how
many heads? How many heads are we talking? Look, I
(27:35):
lost two hundred a head okay of lambs? All right,
so I need that. Listen to me, Well, you call
the druid account. Dude, just say, uh, you lost two
hundred ahead. Never mind what it means, you just say it.
It's what you know, it's common knowledge. Don't want to
get in trouble. No, I don't want to get trouble.
I want to Look, I want to say that, what
do you think two hundred ahead means two hundred paces
(27:59):
ahead of Oh my god, lambs per head of your children?
Quick trolls take his children while they're arguing about the labs.
So I mean, look, that's that's what happened. Okay, yes,
(28:19):
and and and all. Honestly, I was arguing about how
to say that there's a real troll plublem around here. Yeah,
I know, and that's why I'm complaining because one of
your guys. How Okay, Look you're Druid, aren't you. Okay,
So I don't know what the plan was after we
took them, because now we got to crying babies. We
have to raise these kids. I don't. I don't. I
(28:42):
wasn't ready for this. I had so much say, oh
my god, anybody got some milk. Look, we're always drinking
this milk. We always said we wanted to be parents.
Now we get the chance to be parents. I just
didn't realize it would happened so fast. I gotta go poopy. Oh,
this one's gotta go poopy. Will you handle that? Yeah?
I mean, kid, just go poopy. We love that stuff
(29:04):
here withrows this summer Solstice. Come and join the wackiest
droll family this side of the island on on on
Druid TV. We have can't. I'm gonna stop you. Okay,
let's just take it again from the top. Okay, when
(29:25):
you're ready, on your arm cue. Yeah, I'm you're doing great. Okay,
Do I just talking to this branch yep? When you're
reading mm hmm. This summer what's happening? Do you want
to take a brumbled over solstice? I was gonna say,
stolt break. Copies are in front of you. Just read it. Okay,
(29:48):
Well it's just in stone and it's hard to read.
Uh understand. Take a take a a like a three
inch step back from the stone. See if it's not
a little more cleanse towards it. Sure, let's try that. Sorry,
what do you mean I spent fifty lambs on studio time. Well,
(30:10):
we we have to let the world know the troll danger,
and that's why we're building this Stonehenge. I think no
one's really been clear about why we're building Stonehenge. Well, theoretically,
no trolls would ever get you in the center of Stonehenge,
so as long as you are there, you're protected inside.
(30:31):
So we're all just my god, I've never really why
the hell are we building this thing just to stand
in the middle so trolls can't get us? A ring
of fire will be safe the Pantheon. This was your idea.
I mean, I'll take the credit for it. Yes, this
is credit or blame Pantheon. When you stack stones like
(30:54):
this in a circle, you are absolutely safe. Trust me.
I'm a druid that does alchemy. Well, I don't know,
what do you think, c A. Look, I know that
boat of people from Brooklyn is going to be here
in four years, so we're gonna have to make some
decisions before then. We just have a raven come the
(31:16):
message I start errupted. The boat of people from Brooklyn's capsized,
and they will die capsized. Did you tell them that
I told you we shouldn't have brought all these marble slabs?
What do you mean you you said bring them? You
said bring them? Maybe I did. I don't know. I
just like the word. Listen, Tony, before we die, I
(31:37):
just want you to know I've always had feelings for you,
have real, deep special feelings. I mean, I hain't got
long to live here, but it's important that you noticed
before I pass, I've always wanted to be inside of you.
That's real. Hey, maybe we should send a raven let
people know we're dying. Yeah, I got one in the
bag here. Of course, I had a raven over the Look. Look,
(32:00):
I'm gonna write on the raven. Yeah sharp, it's a
metallic sharpy. I didn't mean I wanted to wear you
as some sort of code you know you want? All right,
let's see here. What should I say that? Don't put
this on the ravens note? Yeah, I think we have
to include that part two. No, you don't see I
stop talking. I can't. I can't write when you're talking
(32:21):
with that. That's your handwriting. Yeah, wait, come on, I
can't read the damn thing. How often do what? How often?
He was? Right? Back? What you got? Read back what
you wrote? I die? That's all I got. I don't
think it right. You can't write or read? How come
(32:43):
you that it goes? If raven goes, it's gone. It's gone, Pantheon,
Another raven has arrived. This one. It just says, I
die in in metallity, sharpie, h Do you think it's
(33:04):
the raven? It's who Hey, listen, the raven speaks. There's
a long flight from that sunken ship, and I just
gotta tell you, if there's some food or water available,
it would be fantastic. Well, I can control the elements
as a druid. I'm gonna repeat some food or water.
(33:25):
Water is an element. Raven. Yeah, I just need something.
It is now pooling in my hands. Go ahead and
drink from my hands. What kind of society. You are
running him and I drink from your hands. I mean,
I've created this water Withdrew. It's very impressive, Captain Mumbo Jumbo.
But you have a couple of water, some sort of drink.
I don't have a cop Okay, you don't want the
(33:48):
water like Seltzer, a sparkling water. Maybe, don't look at me.
This whole thing was your idea, well not I I
didn't want to get thinking about something a little harder,
you know what I'm saying. Oh, well that I have
in my robe. Oh okay. Gather around, folks, Gather around
(34:12):
before you see one of the seven Wonders of the world,
the Stonehenge. Mind before you ask, Yes, I am a
human child who was raised by trolls. I did grow
up around here. So if you have any questions about
the monuments, yes, yeah, why did they build this? You know?
The US answer him. It's really not clear. It's really
(34:37):
not clear. I mean it's really not clear. You know.
If I if I can jump in there, you know,
I study Stonehenge and and I'm quite an expert on
the s. Sorry but you're on the tour, right, that's right.
But if I can just jump in there. I saw
you on the bus. Why are you jumping? He was
(34:58):
next to me on the plane here. Yeah, I'd love
to hear that. I'd love to hear the question. Yes, well,
the stones are built in a way to protect anyone
inside from birds, So it's a way to protect it's
a way to protect the birds. If I've heard that theory,
there's really no evidence to back that up. There's no roof,
(35:20):
so couldn't the theory be the birds could still get you?
That could be true? Question? Yes, there, why is there
a spine poking out of the dirt looks? I guess
the original contractors building Stonehenge there, their spines came out
of their butt holes, and we've we've preserved the spines
(35:45):
exactly as they came out of the bus. Yes, how
couldn't you know that about it? Like that's so specific
and that was thousands and thousands of years ago, but
you don't know why this was built. I'll answer that.
I'll answer that if you don't mind, go ahead, I
don't on us. Guy answering, he was kicking my seat
the whole time. I think it's I mean, the clear
(36:06):
answer for that is because it's we have that information
because we know that if you're just start again, up again.
She doesn't know. It looks like he's trying to read
off of a script that he's holding, but he can't
even read the script. It's protected against birds. So that's
the and the cost. The cost by the way of Stonehege,
(36:32):
two hundred ahead What does that mean? What? Two ahead
of sheep? Head of sheep? That was the cost. That
was the cost. So just multiply that in your head
and you'll get the total to what times what and
and and we're walking. We're walking. So where else it's
(36:52):
it's Stonehenge. There is there is it's operated by a
troll one of my what are my adoptive parents? Yeah?
Oh great, I'd love to just get the little version
of this to bring home. Okay, yeah, so like the
version down to scale. Okay. Unfortunately they built that the
(37:14):
size of Stonehenge. There was there was a mistake in
the plans and the souvenir toy they accidentally made exactly
the size of stonehe So they only did one. Oh
my god, honey, you're back from your trip. Did you
bring the kids any souvenirs? Yeah, honey, I did. I
got a stonehenge? Is that? I'm sorry? Is that a
(37:38):
wide load truck? Are you on the front of great guys? Thanks? Honey,
what have you done? I've brought them home like side.
What happened to those movers? Those fingers? And that scene too?
(38:05):
Oh my see three comes from Patron VFP Kevin, who
wrote Keep up the great work, Alchemist. Here's my scene suggestion.
Misfit actors. Isn't that always the way? Misfit actors on
a low budget remake of the nineteen seventies seven Star
(38:27):
Wars film. It's so low budget they have no script
and no rights to Star Wars, so all the names
have to be changed lights, camera action. Does anybody want
to rehearse before? I mean, we don't have any lines,
but I'm into it. What do you mean? What do
(38:49):
you mean? Do you want those theater guys? Yeah, I'm
one of those theater guys. We should know what we're
doing before we do it. I just didn't know. I'm sorry,
I was asking for clarifications, right, all right, you guys
ready for a quick day of shooting today. That's the
guys playing. That's the guys playing son Holo. Yeah, director
(39:14):
to director did audition. Oh you did an audition because
you're also the director. Is that all this works? Yeah?
That's it. It's this is This is gonna be a
great film, a great opportunity for some new actors. You
have cocaine underneath your nose? Sorry there? Okay? Well yet
(39:35):
to play? Did you hire anyone you had to play soup? No,
it turns out you guys are gonna be playing all
the roles. You guys are gonna be playing all the roles.
It turns out I can. I can save quite a
bit of money if I only have you three and
me playing titular. Well, you know what, funk this? This
(39:55):
is not even worth the pennies you're throwing at me.
I am a theatrically trained actor and I'm not going
to partake in some disrespectful, bullshit art show where you
can go and just have all your your coke friends watch.
Okay here sucking out of here? Hey, dude, name Kim
because that's a guy's name. Why don't you relax for
(40:17):
two seconds? How about I'm relaxing. You know what? Do
you want to be an a motion picture? No? This
is an emotion picture, this film? Is that not a
camera I'm looking at over there that that guys, what
the funk that is? I don't know what that is. Listen,
save yourself some energy. This warehouse is locked. You can't
what what if you? What if we let this pain
(40:40):
and the ask play suit walker. I don't give a
ship about who I play. I'm not going to play it.
I am good. Thank you. That's a kind of tone
I think you we could incorporate. You're doing really good?
Should we just I mean, I know I'm not a
director at all, but should we just kind of roll
with this? Well, like, we gotta get the camera guy.
(41:01):
We gotta get the sound light and everything else. There
is a camera guy. No, No, I'm I'm set construction.
I built the ship I built. Well, it's half built.
I'll finish it while you guys are shooting though. All right,
you need a camera guy. I can go turn it
(41:21):
on if you want. Well, actually believe it or not.
I when I in the fine print, you are the
camera guy and set construction. Yeah, you gotta read those contracts.
This is non union. You guys got at Yeah, Castrol
and speed always starting with scene three or nine. No,
(41:44):
we're gonna do this in chronological order. It's the only
way I can really wrap my head around it. So
what I'm gonna do is, on this little TV, I'm
gonna play the original can't say the name of it
on this little TV? And then we're gonna stop at
the into the first scene. What why can't you say
the name of it? Like, technically, if I say it
(42:07):
out loud, I'll be acknowledging that we're ac copying the movie. Um,
all right, we'll say it for you. So you're gonna
play the Star Wars movie A New Home Police? And uh,
what about those opening credits? How are you going to
do that? With the should we be the text? Nice?
What's what I got is a stack of twelve story
(42:30):
The door is locked? Okay? Is there a key or
something that you can get me that I can get
the hell out of here? Take five? I want I
want to take forever. Give me a key. Let me
get the funk out of here. Why don't you use
that energy in the in the part that you're playing.
Why don't you take all that anxiety and all that
anger and use it for the dark side? Jesus right advice,
(42:54):
give me the key. I'm not giving you the key
until this day is done shooting it, give me the keep.
We gotta finish this movie today. I'm gonna find the
way out of here. Today. I got to hurry up
on a set. Then, yeah, you're gonna have to hurry up.
Some of this we're gonna have to fix and post. Honestly,
that's lunch one half hour. Oh no no no no
(43:15):
no no, no, no, no no no no, we're gonna
be eating while we filmed French hours. Nice uh director, Hello, Hello, Marsha. Look,
I know I said, well, look, I know, I said
you could use my family's land and all that to
(43:36):
build this stuff. But it's taking a little longer than
expect it. But we're gonna have to ask you to
get off the property. All right. I can't open this
door right now. We're in the middle of our shoot day.
Look whatever, Look, you're gonna have to get off alright.
You're gonna have to leave the bright alright. Alright. Have
you ever wanted to be in the pornographic film? Why
(43:58):
don't you join our movie? You can devil the movie.
Never wanted to do that? And is that what you're filming?
Show me a dick, Let me who's that behind you?
It's a puppet mine, all right, I talked to you
a puppet. Puppet work. Let's get a really add production
to this film. Come in. You could be in my
pornographic movie. I don't want Listen to me. Listen to me, Masha,
(44:22):
I do not want to be in a pornographic film. Alright, alright,
that's my puppet. Okay, all right, so listen. We need
a puppet in this movie. We need it. There's a
little character, a little green character. I can't say his name.
What is it? Kermit the frog? No, it's not, but
(44:43):
it's gonna be perfect, and we can find a role
for you to come in. I'm gonna unlock this store.
Who just come in? Come in? Come, look, look, I'm
gonna get that. I'm gonna get the share of the
pope if I'm gonna come downy to to remove you? Okay, luck?
Give me looking luck, I'm locking this store. Your face
change just what? Okay? So you have a key to
the door. Oh no, this key that I got right here?
(45:06):
Just use the open door. Oh my god, here's the key.
What I just swallowed the key? So we're gonna be
stuck in here until I have a PM Okay, so
let's get to this movie that we're making. That's gonna
cut your insights. That was like like a three inch
key that you've just swallowed. Oh so sorry, all right,
(45:30):
we're gonna we're gonna do this first shot. I need
you to take your pants off, Soup. I'm not taking
my pants off. I am not. You're my star. I
heard you say we're gonna shoot a porn porn man.
That's not what I signed up for. I don't think
anyone signed up for that ship. Okay, I've signed up
for that. Sorry, I've just been standing here in the background.
I didn't sign up for. I also knew this was
(45:52):
an anybody not though this was at porn. But you're
just a camera set construction gaffer guy. Does that matter
to you? Okay, I didn't know, but I'm pleasantly surprised
to find out. It is good. Good. We're gonna wrap
this up today. Hi. Yeah, I'm looking for a movie,
(46:13):
just something for the family. Um, we're big into sci
fi and all that. Okay, um, a sci fi movie
for your family. Yeah, okay, Well there's this movie that
just came out. This is actually the only copy of it. Um,
it's called warres war, so it's called war source. Do
(46:46):
you want to it's European? It is in a way,
in a way it is European, but it's not. It's
purely American. I'm sorry, yeah, sorry to take your kid
out of your backpack? Is it with stores? Because I
heard the war sos? Is it so of war? It's
(47:10):
a war Sores if you want qutar stores, which is
what I think your kid just said that. We don't
get a lot of out. Yeah, well but this one's
really good. Um do you want one in my backpack? Yeah?
We don't have that, so, um, I could give you
(47:32):
war Stors. I can give it to you for a
two week trial. Usually we can just do a one
week rental. Get it daddy? Sure? Why can you give
it to me for two weeks? And why is that update?
Is this because of my creditor? Yet? I ran your
credit and it's amazing. We like to kind of keep
(47:53):
people like you around here, um buster, are you welcome
back to the coverage of tonight's premiere of War Sores.
Were very excited. We've got some of the cast here
and the film. We are so excited. Let me tell
(48:13):
us who we're gonna talk to you first. We're gonna
talk to not only one of the stars, not only
one of the writers, not only one of the directors,
but the only that's right, Marshall stern Furner. He is
the individual who's the brainchild of this whole motion picture
and decided to buy out the entire town of Lincolnsville High. Uh.
(48:37):
And we we're just here with him right now. We're
just gonna get a couple of words from him. Marshall, Marshall,
can you come, Marshall, Marshall, Marshall, Marshall, Marshall, Marshall, Hey, Marshall,
can we grab me just for a moment here, just
for a bit? Sam and I were right, all right,
I got it. I got a little bit of time.
What do you guys do with this crew? Yes, So,
a lot of the backstory on the film we're gonna
(48:57):
see tonight is that you personally wrote and financed the film,
also directed it, You have an acting role in it,
and and according to this, uh, you're quite the coxman.
I'm not even sure where to start on that. That's
a rowing term. I'm not mistaken. Oh, it's a rowing term.
I didn't know I thought it had to do with
(49:17):
my huge dick. That's hilarious. My my aunt have fell
on her Coxon. I'm sure that was a problem too.
So tell us about the film. What do we what which?
What are we looking forward to here tonight? Well, it's
it's it's like a European movie if the United States
did it. Uh, because there's a lot of nudity. Uh,
(49:41):
it's entirely original. It has no like. Honestly, it's not
comparable to any of the movie ever. So the rumors
that you completely ripped out the story to Star Wars,
that's nonsense. It's ridiculous. Have you even seen school source?
Have you what source? That's amazing. So, Marca, you're telling
(50:02):
me you have no film inspiration whatsoever in the creation
of this There has not been a director, cinematographer, actor
writer that has inspired you in any way that made
this picture happen. Uh So, Mr Lucas, I guess what
we're asking is what you would like us to do.
This film apparently has has been released and we're just
(50:27):
getting word of this now. I apologize we're a little
bit though. There is only one copy. Yeah, there's only
one copy, but it's out there. And people are gonna
see it and they're gonna see the similarities. How many
people if there's only one copy so far? Three three
people and a family in Lincolnsburg, Right, can we um?
(50:49):
Can we can the force help? By? Sure? The Feds
the force? Like, uh, well, you know, we'll use the force.
What would you like us to do with the force, sir?
Just use the force, get rid of it. May the
Force be with you. I'm shutting my door, George God,
I don't know what to do with this. What am
I supposed to do with that information? The force? We
(51:11):
do everything that we normally do. We say, you tried
to hold their hands by the way, close your eyes
and just sort of make your eyeballs move behind the
lips and then hope you can make something change. Oh no,
what was that? Who brooke something outside my trailerd you
just fling my coffee cup? Uh? No, sir? Okay you sir?
(51:34):
You threw the coffee cup? Sir? O Kenny, what if
I have the force? I owned my hand and he's
something moved inside the trailer? Hey, who threw my other
coffee cup? I don't think gosh, ship, what the funk? Uh?
Marshall Marshall Stern Furner, Baby you Warsaws is killing it
(51:55):
at the box office, and you want to make the
Empire bikes strack. Yeah, I do. I think this time
what we should do is have a maximum one week
rental period so that it can rotate a lot. More
and more people see it, and this one's gonna be great.
The returns that this bock Bluster are are crazy. Yeah.
(52:16):
Um yeah, so actually I'm pleased to say again you
can have this one for three weeks because it looks
like your credit has jumped from the last time you visited. Yeah,
this is amazing, Okay, Um, the last film that you
suggested was pornographic and I did watch it with my
family and that's not what we expected or one, Daddy,
(52:40):
I'm never going to be the same us are, so
why don't I'm I'm just kind of a little hesitant
because it looks like it's the same writer, director, and
uh so, I just I don't want to, you know,
take something home that's here. Tell me you want me
(53:00):
to spoil all the movies that I suggest to you
before you take them home. I just want to know
if it's a porno or not. A porner. That's not
spoiling it. Well, it's in a mayor. I don't know
how more clearly I can say if it's a European film,
as if Americans made it. So he doesn't make mych
sense to me, and I don't know. I just don't.
I can't say anymore without spoiling. I'm sorry. I thought
(53:24):
someone with a higher Yeah. I feel like she's lying,
for sure, So do I. I'm not lying about anything.
I haven't seen it yet. I've but awful credit. That's
why I'm working here. Oh no, Well what's your score?
Seventeen seventy? Oh my god? Well how many credit cards
(53:49):
do you have? Twenty money cards? Oh my god? Okay,
first off, all right, you know what I'm gonna put
you down. Let's work on your credit right now. Okay,
so why don't we go through right now? Yes, right now? Yes,
unless start canceling some of these cards? Okay? How much?
That's the best way to improve my credit is to
cancel some of even the one I had, they're all
(54:12):
maxed out and I don't pay the minimum back. Yes, yes,
I'm mad at you, Yes I am. I can't believe
you did that to yourself. I'm saying, you're you think
I should cancel my max out credit cards and that
will improve my credit. We need to pay those off,
and then once they're paid off, we're going to cancel
the majority of them, and we're going to have two
(54:33):
cards that you're one you're going to pay your bills with, okay,
and then one don't have any bills? What I don't
have any Pantheon Looking, I'm looking over this FICO score
and have you been maxing out all of our cards? Look?
Every time we have to get a new crew from Brooklyn.
(54:56):
We it's expensive and all that another another raven. Let's
see what oh oh, that's not good, it says in
white out sunk. I suppose we'll need I can? Can
we have another credit card? Look? Hire somebody local, local,
(55:16):
And that's our show for today. Let's thank all of
our alchemists. Please, Mark Gaglary, thanks so much for coming back.
Thanks for letting me come in play. It's nice to
see you guys. Now, folks can see uh something you
and Craig were involved in it. It's up on on
the interweb somewhere, The Thrilling Adventure Hour. That's right, thrilling
(55:37):
Adventure Hour. We are doing all new shows over over
zoom during social distancing time. All of the money for
this recent one is going to the uh a CP
Legal Defense Fund. And uh where can folks find it?
They can find it on how seats dot com. Okay, great,
h yeah, thank you for that. Thank you. Uh and
(56:00):
uh yeah what Mark said? That sounds that sounds awesome.
Uh yeah, it's got to get good to get the
old band back together and do some thrilling shows online
and uh follow me it at Kikowski on Twitter. You
can find out more information about all that stuff. Fair enough,
Caroline Connor, thank you so much for being here with us.
Thanks for having me. Yeah, super good. Loving you so much.
(56:27):
And James Heeney you too, thank you. I just gotta
say the Reddit community is fantastic. It's growing every day.
And in there I read people say that they were
going to put a review down and sure enough they can.
Their word can be taken. Uh. We got a bunch
of new reviews. I'm just gonna say. One of them
was from you don't know you don't even know me
(56:49):
from the United States. I don't know what it means,
but it said it took me only thirty five minutes
to figure out how to leave a review. Nonetheless, I
think it was time well spent. And they gave a
review on what the process was like to write a review,
as opposed to you know what it would be great
is if somebody in their review also left how the
(57:09):
steps they took that I don't know for me? Yeah again,
and maybe I'll discuss it in the in the hang Sash,
But I know how hard it was for me too.
I had to be on a phone call with Apple
to leave a review one time. James, was there a
review on that reddit feed the show of the show
or just the process? No, there was not the process
(57:30):
on the reddit feed. Somebody said I that joined was
like I have been guilted into leaving a review or
something like that by James, and then said that he
was going to do it. And then they did it
and a few people did it. We got a bunch
of reviews this week. Okay, awesome and uh, as soon
as you dropped the latest cast, Hank, folks can hear
more about these incredible reddit reviews? Uh, Joey Greer, Yes,
(57:56):
thank you so much for being here, buddy, Well, thanks
for having me very fun. Still doing the bear supply
out of that West Side Comedy Theater Twitch. Still doing
it every Wednesday at seven o'clock time. You can check
us out west Sides Twitch. Pop in there see what
the funk we're doing well. It means the world to
(58:19):
me to spend all this time with all of you,
So let's please continue to do this for all the
folks out there who allege they appreciate it. Let's thank
our engineer to the stars and producer, Mr Doug Bain. Fine, folks,
I heard media, and to all of you, please stay
super healthy, continue to write to us, and love to
(58:40):
hear from you and respond to you. Your name here
at Alive this dot com. I'm your host, Kevin Pollic.
Until next time. Who Yeah I
Welcome back to another episode of All This of the
nineteen Tony edition. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Ass that Kevin. Yes,
I am rewatching the Sopranos for the first time. Sin's
it originally twenty one years ago, and yes, once again,
I love it and I want the character of Tony's
sister the actress. Of course, the character of Tony's sister
(00:26):
to just go the fuck away. But I digress. Let's
been roam a shower in particular order to say hello
to Craig Atkowski kick go. Could you imagine for us, please,
what Winston Churchill would have sounded like as a stand
up comedian. I will do my type five in the clubs,
(00:50):
and I will do my type five in the streets.
Very good, cove when you see the red light, wrap
it up. Yeah, look out, it's Caroline Cotter. Cotter Shotter.
If you could say one thing to John Stamos, what
would it be? A yogurt? Nice, so good, solid as
(01:15):
a motherfucking rock. Hey, Mark gagliardis here. That's me, Uh,
Johnny dark Mark favorite park? Excuse me, favorite park attraction
or ride? And why please? Uh? My favorite park attraction
is u is the Haunted Mansion because because it is
(01:36):
a perfectly crafted ride. And for those of you who
don't know the one in Los Angeles, Uh, if you
see the giant spider in the dining hall scene, that
giant spider is covering up a bullet hole, and that
bullet hole was shot through it, and it was more
expensive to lift the roof off of the place and
(01:56):
replace a giant panted glass than to just put a
spider over there. So I like it because it's the
only right that people shoot at. It was Elvis though
that it was Elvis. That hey man, look man, that
ghost was looking at me. Funny. I think that ghost
might have been one of them drug hippies. So don't
do it for President Nixon. Man, thanks Sonny Red. Get
(02:21):
that monkey out here, Um, you're king everybody. Look, there's
James Heeney, Hinky Jinkie Jimmy. If you were an animal
in a zoo, how would you try to help the
animals escape? I believe that I would first try to
(02:42):
teach acting classes for a great deal of time, because
if you couldn't manipulate the zoo crew to think that
you're you're not paying attention, well then you've got the edge,
so you would you would teach the other actors how
to out other animals how to act like they're not
paying a tension, like they're sick, or like they don't
(03:02):
care about the door that's open behind the zookeeper. Stop
looking at the door. In other words, yeah, and like
really be coy about you know your escape plan. The
first thing is you can't look like you're trying to
get out. If you look like you're trying to get out,
they're gonna be all blocking the door. So rather than
telling the animals that you're going to first teach them
how to act well, you gotta learn to crawl before
(03:24):
you can walk. Foundation I love it. Uh. And last,
but you have to bring the cans in every week
if you think in the least it's Joey Greer Cindy Jane.
In order for your life to return to normal, you
personally have to work at a fast food chain for
(03:44):
two weeks. Which one and job title? Please? Which fast
food chain? I can't hear Joey? Can anyone hear joe
he's talking? I think he's thinking, Oh now I can
hear you thinking, which is really weird? So weird? I
guess the fast food chain. Olive Gardens accounts fast food, right,
(04:08):
it's uh not considered fast food, but it should be.
But if that's your choice, we can go with it.
And and I would be um chef backup house expeditor.
So I'm the guy with the card saying like this,
we've got bread sticks, you know, and then they have
to run them out and I did that for two weeks.
I also just want to say, Zoo crew, love it.
(04:28):
I loves off the tongue so nicely. And all right,
let's do a damn show. Uh. Many of our scene
suggestions today we gather from your listener emails. If you'd
like to submit yours, please write to the podcast at
your name here alchemy this dot com. That's your name here,
(04:52):
alchemy dot com. Seen one comes from listener at Robert,
who wrote High Gang this is a scene suggestion. I
just want to drop a note to my favorite podcast
and say thank you, thank you for the the for
the continuity. Wow, it's truly working out the word continue.
Thank you for the continuity of normality. It's very hard
(05:14):
for a lot of people right now. I speak for
more than myself when I say that this show helps
me keep saying in this very trying time, okay, maybe
just one scene suggestion superheroes and villains planning a showdown
while remaining conscious of social distancing. Stay safe and well.
Robert from hender Tucky, Nevada, and pretty much if you
(05:40):
understand it, it's more of a I mean, it's just bread,
a natural. I can just shoot things out of my eyes.
I don't think about it. I just you know, like
you would go to reach for a coffee cup or
anything else, you just do. You do it, And you
think that a mask would have make that more difficult
to do? Hold up, you have eye guns? Yes, yes,
(06:03):
I prefer not to use that kind of language, but
yes I can. How did you realize you could do this? Um?
Great question? People know, it's not that great of a question.
It's kind of right down the middle, like a lot
of heat from both of you, and I understand side.
I think that it's great. It's fantastic. It's one of
that moment where we discover our superpower, is my point.
(06:26):
How do you forget that and have to go? Um? Actually,
now that I think about it, I'm not entirely sure
I believe you can't shoot anything out of your eyes,
point was Professor I blast, he's gonna be able to
shoot things out of his eyes. Were on the team here?
Do you really think that the villain league is sitting
(06:46):
around complaining to one another right now? Or are they
getting ready for this showdown? I think they're being dick.
They're always dicks. Captain Napkins, thank you for coming to
my defense. I appreciate that. Captain Napkins. You're looking well.
I see you recovered from our last gathering. Yeah, I
clean up, Okay, get it, got it good? All right? Um,
(07:11):
let's get right down to business that how are we
going to implement the new uh proprietary Uh you're talking
trademark laws. Look, I don't care about making money off
of this, all right, what do you what? I'm talking
about this? Right, let's go, let's try protocols. How are
we gonna carry it forward with the new protocols? Like
(07:34):
I mean, if your eye shooter, obviously you can be
six ft away, as you guys know, I'm I'm captain
hands on. So what then am I supposed to do?
Is that a literal thing? You're literally are your hands on? Well?
His power comes from the strength that his hands Tom Tom.
If I can touch someone, I can tell you what
they're thinking and what they're gonna do, and how dangerous
(07:55):
they might be. But I have to touch them really
useful when things already have that's great. Oh my god,
it's good to me. I don't touch him. We need
to say six feet apart. I just have to be healthy.
Touch me. I guess if I could kill someone with
my eyes, I too would have this kind of unhelpful attitude.
(08:16):
Right here, we go, great, incoming call from Dr Maligno.
In coming call from doctor. We have to give it. Yeah,
but how do we hold on? He's going to come
on this screen right here? Which my god, Oh my god,
it's right behind me. Hello, Cape Crusade is loud? How
do we turn that down? We turn this down? God,
(08:43):
that's loud. How do we turn it? Might be it
might be on my end? All right, I'm setting it
to seven. Seven Is that a good number? And so loud?
It's okay. I'm gonna log off a log back on. Alright, alright,
(09:03):
what happened? Why why did you love? They said I
was loud? Well, that's because you're projecting hook good hurt here,
it's good. Come on, are we're going to have these
zoomed the showdown on zoom or what zoomed down? You
keep trying to make zoom down happen, and happen it
(09:26):
rolls off the tongue, it does not. Okay, then what
do you suggest instead? We go over and we kill them.
We just do it. We know where they're at, Just
go over there and do it. That also works. You know.
I think this whole thing is actually a hoax, so serious,
that's what I believe. We're so we're not going to
(09:48):
do the social distancing, Senator Slime. We are doing the
social distancing. Okay, I'm not gonna get sick. Good. I
have elderly parents. Oh you should live by yourself. I
think it's harassing you still live with your parents. I
live in my mom's basement. All right, that your parents
(10:13):
that they're all right? Thank you? My love? Am I
loud here? By the way, Maybe it's it's just me,
isn't it? What does somebody else want to? And I've
gotten us all these matching gold masks so that we
can look like a Justice team. So let's went. But
(10:36):
before he calls in, I want to make sure we
all look good at these, I gotta say, I don't look.
I don't know if if I can wear this. Man,
this part of my face is the only part of
me that's exposed, and it's if I put this mask
on my there's gonna be no skin showing. Like the
mask part is the only part where actually get some sunshine.
And I'm not gonna get any vitamin D if Captain
(10:58):
Napkin needs his vitamin D. Now was this something voted on.
I did not know we were going to be required.
I already have a mask, so I don't know if
I need another golden mask. If we don't have a uniform,
then what kind of a team are we? Well that
you do not have a mask, and that's why you
suggested the rest of us where you're matching mask. And
(11:19):
I don't know that this is going to help us
defeat our foes. Listen, I got a bulk discount on
these golden masks. I'm just saying, if we all wear one,
this gold is chipping off. I mean, it's it's not
it's gold, It's like pinate. Jeez, Super League breaks my
heart to see you guys fighting like this. What boy,
(11:40):
why can't we have the old Super league back, he's
got a point, Sergeant Costco. Can we let it go
with the masks? I mean, I don't think so we
really have to wear masks? Help him out him to napkins. Well,
I don't want to touch him. I don't want to
touch him. Thanks wonder boy, but you should probably go
(12:05):
get a test now incoming call from the chilcom and
call police of Chief of police. I don't mean, guys,
she's so mean every time. Okay, so we're just not
(12:27):
going to answer it. I just don't clicked answer. I
clicked answer. I don't know what to do. Well, they
hung up. They probably took too long. Well, I bought
us some time. I don't want to talk to the
chief of police. It sounds like it was going to voicemail.
What do we do if our foes do not acknowledge
the pandemic protocols? Let's start with that question. What are
(12:48):
we prepared to do? Because if they break the six
ft barrier, are we then going to break the six
ft bearer? Because if not, it's broken. If we do
it or not, so I'll all bets are office. Soon
as they break it, we're good to go. Are you
so you can use your hands. Yeah, yes, captain hands yes, yes,
(13:11):
you I mean why would I care? Because if they protocol,
then suddenly, you know what if they break the protocol
and then you decide, oh, now they broke the protocol,
I can go touch him, then we're no better than
they are. Captain hands on. Hi, guys, sorry, I know
that we are open for outdoor dining, but um, it's
just that you guys are using up the only tables
we have here. Um, and you've just ordered waters from
(13:34):
the tap for the table, so we don't know what.
We don't know what. That's awful. You should be tipping
at least if you're going to be using these tables.
And if you don't know what you want from that
man over there with the bleeding eyes, then look, you've
been here for two hours, napkins. Can we go to
your place? I mean it's not very big, but a second,
(13:58):
we're not gonna get kicked out. Well, we are not
gonna get kicked out of here. Listen, let's talk to you.
So let's let's lay it down here. We're superheroes and
we're using this as our fortress. This is my god.
But you guys are super isn't like a big thing
that your identity needs to be kept secret. Yes, you
don't know who we are. I just have bleeding eyes
that you can only see my mouth. You know I
(14:19):
can tell who you are by your mouth. May I
have your consent to put my hands on you? Absolutely not.
Even if this was we did not have a pandemic
right now, I would not. I will place them in
a very safe area. You're putting them right on my breasts.
(14:41):
What the hell you know now that they're there? I listen, listen,
it's obviously a real disease. Okay, it's real. Why can't
I see it? Are you fucking insane? It's microsop Sam insane.
That's my superpower. It's just hard to do this voice
(15:04):
and be quiet, I guess, is what I'm what I'm saying.
We don't mind. We don't mind whispering for me. We
mind that you stopped blowing out their indrums. You were
hurting them, and you were like, yeah, I'll stop. What
the funk man? Yeah you've gotten soft. Look, we've got
to set up the protocols for this rumble. No, we don't.
(15:25):
We don't have villains. I'm trying to make that happen.
I'm kind of fun. Reminds you of Zoomba, my favorite
kind of workout. Oh I wish I could go back
to Zoomba. Oh my god, me too. Anyways, that sometimes
(15:49):
the scenes let us know when they're done seem too
comes from David, you wrote high Alchemist, I won't be
labor my as you guys are amazing and so funny.
Sometimes I forget how to breathe. Here is my suggestion.
The construction workers at Stonehenge argue with the Druids paying
(16:11):
for it and the architect who designed it. Keep up
the good work. David from Australia. I don't know what
a smoothie side a bit o pick it up from
the bottom. What do you mean the bottom? The bottom
is underneath the ground? What you exactly? And that's why
you have to lift from the bottom while you're gonna
(16:31):
pull out your back. Jesus Christ, Look, can we just
touch the two is? There's no way for y'all to
just make some kind of magic but stones, yes, you do?
You you don't use magic, and somehow there's all these
huge stones here. Well, I mean you're elementalists using magic
(16:53):
from nature and you worship we worshiped nature. Nature is
not magic. Nature is nature God. I swear to go
one day they're like, oh, we need a sacrifice, and
then they're like, now we don't do that. Actually we
just use the stick to it. I had to give
you my lamb, you use it for a sacrifice, and
(17:13):
you're still wearing the lamb's skull on your head. So
don't tell me. Don't magic. It was more of a
meal than a sacrifice God. But thank you. You're welcome.
And honestly, what we do is much more similar to
alchemy than magic. We use nature. About alchemy, Mike, I
(17:37):
don't know how much about Oh I live in a
little fun Mike. So what you're gonna want to do
is lift these stones into the position that we showed
you in the blueprints. That's alchemy. No, that's the process
to make these stokes. I'm confused. Correct me if I'm wrong.
(17:59):
But my pal or go over there, ask you to
explain alchemy, and you told us to move a stone.
You know what you second this? I also said that
alchemy is what makes these stones. These stones are not natural.
(18:20):
These are you would call them magic. But we create
him through a It doesn't matter which the elements, and
which of us were hired to build a thing at
a day rate? At that what? I don't know it.
You were hired by us not to argue with us,
(18:43):
but to lift those stones. Okay, why don't you just
tell us that instead of giving us a bit of
a riddle? Huh am, I'm not going to riddles. I'm
not going to riddles. I'm good at lifting stones. Are
you making fun of me? No? No? Oh, my gus sensitive,
it's all let's lift this in ready to Oh? Is
(19:10):
my spine to shut out? My Oh? I think you
guys should be using some sort of tools. You're using
your hands about a lever or? Oh, my guys, a
little tale, isn't it? Oh? Why don't you fix this
man with some alchemy? Pantheon, I don't know that alchemy,
(19:34):
and we use alchemy to build stones. We don't use
alchemy to replace spines that have excreted through butt holes.
Please just fix my friend. Let's gather some let's gather
some ingredients. We're going to need a stronger druid. Now,
my disciples, there's a view that have come to study
(19:57):
with me deep into the forest. You are now ready
to go out and teach this knowledge to all that needed.
Are you ready, Pantheon, No, you already, Yes, I'm ready.
Teach me one more time. The meaning of Druidism the
druidsm is to it hardest the natural state of things
(20:20):
and create a more suitable natural state of things. Sorry,
we will be here much longer. I got to check
in with the misses or she gets it's longer. We
haven't done with the sacrifice, right, it's just been three
days out here with this, and they're in the family
(20:41):
to let him know how much longer I'm going to be.
That's all I think. You just give me. Look, I
don't know I have. Pantheon has to say it course,
three days of I don't know about time. The Druids
care funk all about time? Is that the problem? You
know what? Let's just sacrifice some quick. Let's get somebody else,
all right, give me the knife, but the knife there,
don't sacrificed my partner, Pantheon. Pantheon, No, no, no, Pantheon,
(21:07):
this this this peasant. I'm going to sacrifice the Blaney builder. Yes,
let's right. Bring us out to the woods, teach us
your your shye, your dribble, and then kill us. So
I'm honestly for three fourting days. That's beautiful. Okay, I've
heard enough? Have you? Have you heard enough? Because that's
what I was thinking over three days in the stomach
(21:30):
in the night goes Pantheon Erica as the head of
accounting for the Druids, going over this contractor bill. Yes,
one lamb, Yes, stones, I had agreed to half a lamb.
(21:52):
What's what's going on? This is turning into a real
money fit. Well, we are a little over budget. We're
going a little long, but but this is gonna last
a long long time forever forever. Well that's the goal, yes,
isn't it? Um? Are there other no other contractors we
(22:13):
can we can use? Well, we had one and we
had a three day meeting with him, but he complained,
so he was stabbed ceremonially. Of course, we're looking for
more contractors. It's difficult to find contractors in this area.
Yeah are you doing? Yeah? This is uh ex inventa
(22:35):
tricks and family. So well, what can I do here for?
What do you name your ex invent a tricks? The contractor? Yeah,
what do you need here? Everything you need from mud
huts too sticks against the wall. I got you. What
do you need? We are building stonehenge. Unroll the scroll,
(22:55):
show show him that it's at the bottom of this scroll. Okay,
oh all right, we've gotten about a third of the
way done. We keep having workers whose spines shoot out
their buttholes when they try to Yeah, yeah, I get that.
I get that. So now I'm presuming this is actual size.
(23:16):
It's about the size of my thumb. Is that right?
Oh no, this is this is the size of This
is the size of a small plot of farmland that's
up at the top of the scroll in the corter.
All right, it's hard for me to imagine. All right,
that's hard for me to imagine. All right, let's how
about this. How about I send the team down there,
some of my family guys. We'll go down, they will
(23:38):
check it out, we'll give you an estimate, and then
we can talk from there. Well that sounds great, alright, awesome.
Just so you know, I don't want to be cursed
by either of you. So what I'm gonna do is
something way nice. I'm gonna guys give you. I'm gonna
give you guys a really good deal. I love what
you do. I don't want any kind of stone elementals
coming down to my little place and bashing us in
the head in the nighttime. All right, we look forward
to meeting your crew. Wait a second, you telling us
(24:02):
we're going to some place in England. You know what
the fuck? Something job? Am I supposed to tell my
pregnant wife. She's due to pop any day now. So
I'm leaving your wife to pomp already. I've been telling
that I scream at a belly every night. Nothing happens,
(24:23):
been screaming out of stomach. Maybe it won't happen. Maybe
she'll be bringing for from other couple of years. Hey, bus,
is this uh? I don't even know? I mean, can
you please stop coming up with these different things? Right?
I hate the fact that you're out there coming up
with these different what you called meat. I'm trying to
(24:43):
make it happen. Yeah, bullshit, you're trying to make it happen.
You're trying to spit some fucking lines in the head.
All right now, the druisil tell us what to do
and how to measure it. We're not supposed to think
of that shot ourselves. You got, so we build these
The size of our thumb is that what this is?
That was my That was my thought too. Now apparently
it's the size of field or something. Look what the field?
All of us are eighteen years old, all right, the
(25:03):
cheese of us living any longer? This, you know what
I mean? So we gotta get on a boat for
for a week to get over there? Right? Oh? Is
that what you got this huge boat outside? Yeah? I
got the huge ball of course. That's why I have
the huge boat out there. Think it is? And then
we bring in marble slabs with us or they got
them there? Yeah, marble? What the hell were you doing
(25:24):
me a favorite? Were you stopped thinking outside the box?
You're pissing my all? What about what about the number
of no shows and no works did we get? Did
we get as many of all five? Yeah? We got that, okay,
because I don't want, you know, coming down our throats
with this ship. No, totally, alright. So once if we
don't die on the boat from various diseases and we
(25:45):
get over there, who who do we check in with?
Is there a head guy? Yeah, there's a Druid's two
catch what now? Druid d Okay? So I'm looking over
this bill and you're you're bringing in a team from
a US the oceans. There's no there's nobody local you
could have used. We could not find anyone local. These
(26:06):
they're from Brooklyn, New York. They are highly recommended. Uh
and they only they only lost two on the voyage.
I told you crop circles, it's just going to be easier.
Those only last the season. This is gonna last forever.
It'll be worth the investment. Don't you want to be
one of the wonders of the world. Yeah, well, look,
(26:31):
I'm I'm in accounting talk talk to the head druid.
I'm just trying to make talks to the head druid. Hi.
I know this is the accounting office, but they just
kept kind of giving me the run around. So I
didn't know where else to go. But I have an
issue with one of your one of your druids. He
(26:52):
said that Drudaism is about alchemy, and I had just
a problem with that because I had him just install
small stone structure around my house and that was in
order to keep trolls away and I keep my children
in livestock safe. But my kids got stolen and so
did my livestock, so that didn't work, and I just
don't know who to cut to the shape. How many
(27:14):
lambs do you want? Just give me a number of lambs? Well,
I mean I was at I was at two hundred ahead,
So like that. I mean, that's how many lambs I lost.
I lost two hundred lambs. What do you mean? Two
hundred ahead? That's what I lost? Hundred lambs? Or how
many heads? How many heads are we talking? Look, I
(27:35):
lost two hundred a head okay of lambs? All right,
so I need that. Listen to me, Well, you call
the druid account. Dude, just say, uh, you lost two
hundred ahead. Never mind what it means, you just say it.
It's what you know, it's common knowledge. Don't want to
get in trouble. No, I don't want to get trouble.
I want to Look, I want to say that, what
do you think two hundred ahead means two hundred paces
(27:59):
ahead of Oh my god, lambs per head of your children?
Quick trolls take his children while they're arguing about the labs.
So I mean, look, that's that's what happened. Okay, yes,
(28:19):
and and and all. Honestly, I was arguing about how
to say that there's a real troll plublem around here. Yeah,
I know, and that's why I'm complaining because one of
your guys. How Okay, Look you're Druid, aren't you. Okay,
So I don't know what the plan was after we
took them, because now we got to crying babies. We
have to raise these kids. I don't. I don't. I
(28:42):
wasn't ready for this. I had so much say, oh
my god, anybody got some milk. Look, we're always drinking
this milk. We always said we wanted to be parents.
Now we get the chance to be parents. I just
didn't realize it would happened so fast. I gotta go poopy. Oh,
this one's gotta go poopy. Will you handle that? Yeah?
I mean, kid, just go poopy. We love that stuff
(29:04):
here withrows this summer Solstice. Come and join the wackiest
droll family this side of the island on on on
Druid TV. We have can't. I'm gonna stop you. Okay,
let's just take it again from the top. Okay, when
(29:25):
you're ready, on your arm cue. Yeah, I'm you're doing great. Okay,
Do I just talking to this branch yep? When you're
reading mm hmm. This summer what's happening? Do you want
to take a brumbled over solstice? I was gonna say,
stolt break. Copies are in front of you. Just read it. Okay,
(29:48):
Well it's just in stone and it's hard to read.
Uh understand. Take a take a a like a three
inch step back from the stone. See if it's not
a little more cleanse towards it. Sure, let's try that. Sorry,
what do you mean I spent fifty lambs on studio time. Well,
(30:10):
we we have to let the world know the troll danger,
and that's why we're building this Stonehenge. I think no
one's really been clear about why we're building Stonehenge. Well, theoretically,
no trolls would ever get you in the center of Stonehenge,
so as long as you are there, you're protected inside.
(30:31):
So we're all just my god, I've never really why
the hell are we building this thing just to stand
in the middle so trolls can't get us? A ring
of fire will be safe the Pantheon. This was your idea.
I mean, I'll take the credit for it. Yes, this
is credit or blame Pantheon. When you stack stones like
(30:54):
this in a circle, you are absolutely safe. Trust me.
I'm a druid that does alchemy. Well, I don't know,
what do you think, c A. Look, I know that
boat of people from Brooklyn is going to be here
in four years, so we're gonna have to make some
decisions before then. We just have a raven come the
(31:16):
message I start errupted. The boat of people from Brooklyn's capsized,
and they will die capsized. Did you tell them that
I told you we shouldn't have brought all these marble slabs?
What do you mean you you said bring them? You
said bring them? Maybe I did. I don't know. I
just like the word. Listen, Tony, before we die, I
(31:37):
just want you to know I've always had feelings for you,
have real, deep special feelings. I mean, I hain't got
long to live here, but it's important that you noticed
before I pass, I've always wanted to be inside of you.
That's real. Hey, maybe we should send a raven let
people know we're dying. Yeah, I got one in the
bag here. Of course, I had a raven over the Look. Look,
(32:00):
I'm gonna write on the raven. Yeah sharp, it's a
metallic sharpy. I didn't mean I wanted to wear you
as some sort of code you know you want? All right,
let's see here. What should I say that? Don't put
this on the ravens note? Yeah, I think we have
to include that part two. No, you don't see I
stop talking. I can't. I can't write when you're talking
(32:21):
with that. That's your handwriting. Yeah, wait, come on, I
can't read the damn thing. How often do what? How often?
He was? Right? Back? What you got? Read back what
you wrote? I die? That's all I got. I don't
think it right. You can't write or read? How come
(32:43):
you that it goes? If raven goes, it's gone. It's gone, Pantheon,
Another raven has arrived. This one. It just says, I
die in in metallity, sharpie, h Do you think it's
(33:04):
the raven? It's who Hey, listen, the raven speaks. There's
a long flight from that sunken ship, and I just
gotta tell you, if there's some food or water available,
it would be fantastic. Well, I can control the elements
as a druid. I'm gonna repeat some food or water.
(33:25):
Water is an element. Raven. Yeah, I just need something.
It is now pooling in my hands. Go ahead and
drink from my hands. What kind of society. You are
running him and I drink from your hands. I mean,
I've created this water Withdrew. It's very impressive, Captain Mumbo Jumbo.
But you have a couple of water, some sort of drink.
I don't have a cop Okay, you don't want the
(33:48):
water like Seltzer, a sparkling water. Maybe, don't look at me.
This whole thing was your idea, well not I I
didn't want to get thinking about something a little harder,
you know what I'm saying. Oh, well that I have
in my robe. Oh okay. Gather around, folks, Gather around
(34:12):
before you see one of the seven Wonders of the world,
the Stonehenge. Mind before you ask, Yes, I am a
human child who was raised by trolls. I did grow
up around here. So if you have any questions about
the monuments, yes, yeah, why did they build this? You know?
The US answer him. It's really not clear. It's really
(34:37):
not clear. I mean it's really not clear. You know.
If I if I can jump in there, you know,
I study Stonehenge and and I'm quite an expert on
the s. Sorry but you're on the tour, right, that's right.
But if I can just jump in there. I saw
you on the bus. Why are you jumping? He was
(34:58):
next to me on the plane here. Yeah, I'd love
to hear that. I'd love to hear the question. Yes, well,
the stones are built in a way to protect anyone
inside from birds, So it's a way to protect it's
a way to protect the birds. If I've heard that theory,
there's really no evidence to back that up. There's no roof,
(35:20):
so couldn't the theory be the birds could still get you?
That could be true? Question? Yes, there, why is there
a spine poking out of the dirt looks? I guess
the original contractors building Stonehenge there, their spines came out
of their butt holes, and we've we've preserved the spines
(35:45):
exactly as they came out of the bus. Yes, how
couldn't you know that about it? Like that's so specific
and that was thousands and thousands of years ago, but
you don't know why this was built. I'll answer that.
I'll answer that if you don't mind, go ahead, I
don't on us. Guy answering, he was kicking my seat
the whole time. I think it's I mean, the clear
(36:06):
answer for that is because it's we have that information
because we know that if you're just start again, up again.
She doesn't know. It looks like he's trying to read
off of a script that he's holding, but he can't
even read the script. It's protected against birds. So that's
the and the cost. The cost by the way of Stonehege,
(36:32):
two hundred ahead What does that mean? What? Two ahead
of sheep? Head of sheep? That was the cost. That
was the cost. So just multiply that in your head
and you'll get the total to what times what and
and and we're walking. We're walking. So where else it's
(36:52):
it's Stonehenge. There is there is it's operated by a
troll one of my what are my adoptive parents? Yeah?
Oh great, I'd love to just get the little version
of this to bring home. Okay, yeah, so like the
version down to scale. Okay. Unfortunately they built that the
(37:14):
size of Stonehenge. There was there was a mistake in
the plans and the souvenir toy they accidentally made exactly
the size of stonehe So they only did one. Oh
my god, honey, you're back from your trip. Did you
bring the kids any souvenirs? Yeah, honey, I did. I
got a stonehenge? Is that? I'm sorry? Is that a
(37:38):
wide load truck? Are you on the front of great guys? Thanks? Honey,
what have you done? I've brought them home like side.
What happened to those movers? Those fingers? And that scene too?
(38:05):
Oh my see three comes from Patron VFP Kevin, who
wrote Keep up the great work, Alchemist. Here's my scene suggestion.
Misfit actors. Isn't that always the way? Misfit actors on
a low budget remake of the nineteen seventies seven Star
(38:27):
Wars film. It's so low budget they have no script
and no rights to Star Wars, so all the names
have to be changed lights, camera action. Does anybody want
to rehearse before? I mean, we don't have any lines,
but I'm into it. What do you mean? What do
(38:49):
you mean? Do you want those theater guys? Yeah, I'm
one of those theater guys. We should know what we're
doing before we do it. I just didn't know. I'm sorry,
I was asking for clarifications, right, all right, you guys
ready for a quick day of shooting today. That's the
guys playing. That's the guys playing son Holo. Yeah, director
(39:14):
to director did audition. Oh you did an audition because
you're also the director. Is that all this works? Yeah?
That's it. It's this is This is gonna be a
great film, a great opportunity for some new actors. You
have cocaine underneath your nose? Sorry there? Okay? Well yet
(39:35):
to play? Did you hire anyone you had to play soup? No,
it turns out you guys are gonna be playing all
the roles. You guys are gonna be playing all the roles.
It turns out I can. I can save quite a
bit of money if I only have you three and
me playing titular. Well, you know what, funk this? This
(39:55):
is not even worth the pennies you're throwing at me.
I am a theatrically trained actor and I'm not going
to partake in some disrespectful, bullshit art show where you
can go and just have all your your coke friends watch.
Okay here sucking out of here? Hey, dude, name Kim
because that's a guy's name. Why don't you relax for
(40:17):
two seconds? How about I'm relaxing. You know what? Do
you want to be an a motion picture? No? This
is an emotion picture, this film? Is that not a
camera I'm looking at over there that that guys, what
the funk that is? I don't know what that is. Listen,
save yourself some energy. This warehouse is locked. You can't
what what if you? What if we let this pain
(40:40):
and the ask play suit walker. I don't give a
ship about who I play. I'm not going to play it.
I am good. Thank you. That's a kind of tone
I think you we could incorporate. You're doing really good?
Should we just I mean, I know I'm not a
director at all, but should we just kind of roll
with this? Well, like, we gotta get the camera guy.
(41:01):
We gotta get the sound light and everything else. There
is a camera guy. No, No, I'm I'm set construction.
I built the ship I built. Well, it's half built.
I'll finish it while you guys are shooting though. All right,
you need a camera guy. I can go turn it
(41:21):
on if you want. Well, actually believe it or not.
I when I in the fine print, you are the
camera guy and set construction. Yeah, you gotta read those contracts.
This is non union. You guys got at Yeah, Castrol
and speed always starting with scene three or nine. No,
(41:44):
we're gonna do this in chronological order. It's the only
way I can really wrap my head around it. So
what I'm gonna do is, on this little TV, I'm
gonna play the original can't say the name of it
on this little TV? And then we're gonna stop at
the into the first scene. What why can't you say
the name of it? Like, technically, if I say it
(42:07):
out loud, I'll be acknowledging that we're ac copying the movie. Um,
all right, we'll say it for you. So you're gonna
play the Star Wars movie A New Home Police? And uh,
what about those opening credits? How are you going to
do that? With the should we be the text? Nice?
What's what I got is a stack of twelve story
(42:30):
The door is locked? Okay? Is there a key or
something that you can get me that I can get
the hell out of here? Take five? I want I
want to take forever. Give me a key. Let me
get the funk out of here. Why don't you use
that energy in the in the part that you're playing.
Why don't you take all that anxiety and all that
anger and use it for the dark side? Jesus right advice,
(42:54):
give me the key. I'm not giving you the key
until this day is done shooting it, give me the keep.
We gotta finish this movie today. I'm gonna find the
way out of here. Today. I got to hurry up
on a set. Then, yeah, you're gonna have to hurry up.
Some of this we're gonna have to fix and post. Honestly,
that's lunch one half hour. Oh no no no no
(43:15):
no no, no, no, no no no no, we're gonna
be eating while we filmed French hours. Nice uh director, Hello, Hello, Marsha. Look,
I know I said, well, look, I know, I said
you could use my family's land and all that to
(43:36):
build this stuff. But it's taking a little longer than
expect it. But we're gonna have to ask you to
get off the property. All right. I can't open this
door right now. We're in the middle of our shoot day.
Look whatever, Look, you're gonna have to get off alright.
You're gonna have to leave the bright alright. Alright. Have
you ever wanted to be in the pornographic film? Why
(43:58):
don't you join our movie? You can devil the movie.
Never wanted to do that? And is that what you're filming?
Show me a dick, Let me who's that behind you?
It's a puppet mine, all right, I talked to you
a puppet. Puppet work. Let's get a really add production
to this film. Come in. You could be in my
pornographic movie. I don't want Listen to me. Listen to me, Masha,
(44:22):
I do not want to be in a pornographic film. Alright, alright,
that's my puppet. Okay, all right, so listen. We need
a puppet in this movie. We need it. There's a
little character, a little green character. I can't say his name.
What is it? Kermit the frog? No, it's not, but
(44:43):
it's gonna be perfect, and we can find a role
for you to come in. I'm gonna unlock this store.
Who just come in? Come in? Come, look, look, I'm
gonna get that. I'm gonna get the share of the
pope if I'm gonna come downy to to remove you? Okay, luck?
Give me looking luck, I'm locking this store. Your face
change just what? Okay? So you have a key to
the door. Oh no, this key that I got right here?
(45:06):
Just use the open door. Oh my god, here's the key.
What I just swallowed the key? So we're gonna be
stuck in here until I have a PM Okay, so
let's get to this movie that we're making. That's gonna
cut your insights. That was like like a three inch
key that you've just swallowed. Oh so sorry, all right,
(45:30):
we're gonna we're gonna do this first shot. I need
you to take your pants off, Soup. I'm not taking
my pants off. I am not. You're my star. I
heard you say we're gonna shoot a porn porn man.
That's not what I signed up for. I don't think
anyone signed up for that ship. Okay, I've signed up
for that. Sorry, I've just been standing here in the background.
I didn't sign up for. I also knew this was
(45:52):
an anybody not though this was at porn. But you're
just a camera set construction gaffer guy. Does that matter
to you? Okay, I didn't know, but I'm pleasantly surprised
to find out. It is good. Good. We're gonna wrap
this up today. Hi. Yeah, I'm looking for a movie,
(46:13):
just something for the family. Um, we're big into sci
fi and all that. Okay, um, a sci fi movie
for your family. Yeah, okay, Well there's this movie that
just came out. This is actually the only copy of it. Um,
it's called warres war, so it's called war source. Do
(46:46):
you want to it's European? It is in a way,
in a way it is European, but it's not. It's
purely American. I'm sorry, yeah, sorry to take your kid
out of your backpack? Is it with stores? Because I
heard the war sos? Is it so of war? It's
(47:10):
a war Sores if you want qutar stores, which is
what I think your kid just said that. We don't
get a lot of out. Yeah, well but this one's
really good. Um do you want one in my backpack? Yeah?
We don't have that, so, um, I could give you
(47:32):
war Stors. I can give it to you for a
two week trial. Usually we can just do a one
week rental. Get it daddy? Sure? Why can you give
it to me for two weeks? And why is that update?
Is this because of my creditor? Yet? I ran your
credit and it's amazing. We like to kind of keep
(47:53):
people like you around here, um buster, are you welcome
back to the coverage of tonight's premiere of War Sores.
Were very excited. We've got some of the cast here
and the film. We are so excited. Let me tell
(48:13):
us who we're gonna talk to you first. We're gonna
talk to not only one of the stars, not only
one of the writers, not only one of the directors,
but the only that's right, Marshall stern Furner. He is
the individual who's the brainchild of this whole motion picture
and decided to buy out the entire town of Lincolnsville High. Uh.
(48:37):
And we we're just here with him right now. We're
just gonna get a couple of words from him. Marshall, Marshall,
can you come, Marshall, Marshall, Marshall, Marshall, Marshall, Marshall, Hey, Marshall,
can we grab me just for a moment here, just
for a bit? Sam and I were right, all right,
I got it. I got a little bit of time.
What do you guys do with this crew? Yes, So,
a lot of the backstory on the film we're gonna
(48:57):
see tonight is that you personally wrote and financed the film,
also directed it, You have an acting role in it,
and and according to this, uh, you're quite the coxman.
I'm not even sure where to start on that. That's
a rowing term. I'm not mistaken. Oh, it's a rowing term.
I didn't know I thought it had to do with
(49:17):
my huge dick. That's hilarious. My my aunt have fell
on her Coxon. I'm sure that was a problem too.
So tell us about the film. What do we what which?
What are we looking forward to here tonight? Well, it's
it's it's like a European movie if the United States
did it. Uh, because there's a lot of nudity. Uh,
(49:41):
it's entirely original. It has no like. Honestly, it's not
comparable to any of the movie ever. So the rumors
that you completely ripped out the story to Star Wars,
that's nonsense. It's ridiculous. Have you even seen school source?
Have you what source? That's amazing. So, Marca, you're telling
(50:02):
me you have no film inspiration whatsoever in the creation
of this There has not been a director, cinematographer, actor
writer that has inspired you in any way that made
this picture happen. Uh So, Mr Lucas, I guess what
we're asking is what you would like us to do.
This film apparently has has been released and we're just
(50:27):
getting word of this now. I apologize we're a little
bit though. There is only one copy. Yeah, there's only
one copy, but it's out there. And people are gonna
see it and they're gonna see the similarities. How many
people if there's only one copy so far? Three three
people and a family in Lincolnsburg, Right, can we um?
(50:49):
Can we can the force help? By? Sure? The Feds
the force? Like, uh, well, you know, we'll use the force.
What would you like us to do with the force, sir?
Just use the force, get rid of it. May the
Force be with you. I'm shutting my door, George God,
I don't know what to do with this. What am
I supposed to do with that information? The force? We
(51:11):
do everything that we normally do. We say, you tried
to hold their hands by the way, close your eyes
and just sort of make your eyeballs move behind the
lips and then hope you can make something change. Oh no,
what was that? Who brooke something outside my trailerd you
just fling my coffee cup? Uh? No, sir? Okay you sir?
(51:34):
You threw the coffee cup? Sir? O Kenny, what if
I have the force? I owned my hand and he's
something moved inside the trailer? Hey, who threw my other
coffee cup? I don't think gosh, ship, what the funk? Uh?
Marshall Marshall Stern Furner, Baby you Warsaws is killing it
(51:55):
at the box office, and you want to make the
Empire bikes strack. Yeah, I do. I think this time
what we should do is have a maximum one week
rental period so that it can rotate a lot. More
and more people see it, and this one's gonna be great.
The returns that this bock Bluster are are crazy. Yeah.
(52:16):
Um yeah, so actually I'm pleased to say again you
can have this one for three weeks because it looks
like your credit has jumped from the last time you visited. Yeah,
this is amazing, Okay, Um, the last film that you
suggested was pornographic and I did watch it with my
family and that's not what we expected or one, Daddy,
(52:40):
I'm never going to be the same us are, so
why don't I'm I'm just kind of a little hesitant
because it looks like it's the same writer, director, and
uh so, I just I don't want to, you know,
take something home that's here. Tell me you want me
(53:00):
to spoil all the movies that I suggest to you
before you take them home. I just want to know
if it's a porno or not. A porner. That's not
spoiling it. Well, it's in a mayor. I don't know
how more clearly I can say if it's a European film,
as if Americans made it. So he doesn't make mych
sense to me, and I don't know. I just don't.
I can't say anymore without spoiling. I'm sorry. I thought
(53:24):
someone with a higher Yeah. I feel like she's lying,
for sure, So do I. I'm not lying about anything.
I haven't seen it yet. I've but awful credit. That's
why I'm working here. Oh no, Well what's your score?
Seventeen seventy? Oh my god? Well how many credit cards
(53:49):
do you have? Twenty money cards? Oh my god? Okay,
first off, all right, you know what I'm gonna put
you down. Let's work on your credit right now. Okay,
so why don't we go through right now? Yes, right now? Yes,
unless start canceling some of these cards? Okay? How much?
That's the best way to improve my credit is to
cancel some of even the one I had, they're all
(54:12):
maxed out and I don't pay the minimum back. Yes, yes,
I'm mad at you, Yes I am. I can't believe
you did that to yourself. I'm saying, you're you think
I should cancel my max out credit cards and that
will improve my credit. We need to pay those off,
and then once they're paid off, we're going to cancel
the majority of them, and we're going to have two
(54:33):
cards that you're one you're going to pay your bills with, okay,
and then one don't have any bills? What I don't
have any Pantheon Looking, I'm looking over this FICO score
and have you been maxing out all of our cards? Look?
Every time we have to get a new crew from Brooklyn.
(54:56):
We it's expensive and all that another another raven. Let's
see what oh oh, that's not good, it says in
white out sunk. I suppose we'll need I can? Can
we have another credit card? Look? Hire somebody local, local,
(55:16):
And that's our show for today. Let's thank all of
our alchemists. Please, Mark Gaglary, thanks so much for coming back.
Thanks for letting me come in play. It's nice to
see you guys. Now, folks can see uh something you
and Craig were involved in it. It's up on on
the interweb somewhere, The Thrilling Adventure Hour. That's right, thrilling
(55:37):
Adventure Hour. We are doing all new shows over over
zoom during social distancing time. All of the money for
this recent one is going to the uh a CP
Legal Defense Fund. And uh where can folks find it?
They can find it on how seats dot com. Okay, great,
h yeah, thank you for that. Thank you. Uh and
(56:00):
uh yeah what Mark said? That sounds that sounds awesome.
Uh yeah, it's got to get good to get the
old band back together and do some thrilling shows online
and uh follow me it at Kikowski on Twitter. You
can find out more information about all that stuff. Fair enough,
Caroline Connor, thank you so much for being here with us.
Thanks for having me. Yeah, super good. Loving you so much.
(56:27):
And James Heeney you too, thank you. I just gotta
say the Reddit community is fantastic. It's growing every day.
And in there I read people say that they were
going to put a review down and sure enough they can.
Their word can be taken. Uh. We got a bunch
of new reviews. I'm just gonna say. One of them
was from you don't know you don't even know me
(56:49):
from the United States. I don't know what it means,
but it said it took me only thirty five minutes
to figure out how to leave a review. Nonetheless, I
think it was time well spent. And they gave a
review on what the process was like to write a review,
as opposed to you know what it would be great
is if somebody in their review also left how the
(57:09):
steps they took that I don't know for me? Yeah again,
and maybe I'll discuss it in the in the hang Sash,
But I know how hard it was for me too.
I had to be on a phone call with Apple
to leave a review one time. James, was there a
review on that reddit feed the show of the show
or just the process? No, there was not the process
(57:30):
on the reddit feed. Somebody said I that joined was
like I have been guilted into leaving a review or
something like that by James, and then said that he
was going to do it. And then they did it
and a few people did it. We got a bunch
of reviews this week. Okay, awesome and uh, as soon
as you dropped the latest cast, Hank, folks can hear
more about these incredible reddit reviews? Uh, Joey Greer, Yes,
(57:56):
thank you so much for being here, buddy, Well, thanks
for having me very fun. Still doing the bear supply
out of that West Side Comedy Theater Twitch. Still doing
it every Wednesday at seven o'clock time. You can check
us out west Sides Twitch. Pop in there see what
the funk we're doing well. It means the world to
(58:19):
me to spend all this time with all of you,
So let's please continue to do this for all the
folks out there who allege they appreciate it. Let's thank
our engineer to the stars and producer, Mr Doug Bain. Fine, folks,
I heard media, and to all of you, please stay
super healthy, continue to write to us, and love to
(58:40):
hear from you and respond to you. Your name here
at Alive this dot com. I'm your host, Kevin Pollic.
Until next time. Who Yeah I
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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