August 20, 2020 • 56 mins
Superman has a second secret identity.
Moses faces demands from those he freed.
The drummer is late to the gig.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Oh yeah, come back to another episode about this COVID
nine edition. I'm your host, Kevin Policy back, sure, yes,
of course, just leave it up a gate and back
the funk off the yard. Yeah, um, get I digres.
Let's meet a shower in particular orders. Say hello to
(00:22):
Christoph Lodo duck made Colin Fan. Are you in fact seaworthy?
I am. I spent eight and second of months at sea,
uh with the Second City, doing doing shows on a
cruise ship. But it did take me two full weeks
to get my sea legs. I was sick almost every
day for two weeks. And did you have any um
(00:44):
accoutremants like a wrist band thing or an ear thing
or no? And I saw everybody wearing that stuff, and
I thought I would. I thought I was fucking gonna
be fine, and I wasn't. I wasn't fine. Wow. Did
you how long were you on the boat? I did?
I did two boats, but one of the boats was
eight consecutive months. Yeah. How large was the quote unquote
(01:06):
stateroom you were sleeping in? Oh? It was terrible. It
was terrible because every six weeks I had to share
a room with one of my cast mates, so so
we'd be like very close just to twin beds, and
then I'd get my own for a while. And then
so it was it's it's a fucking nightmare. And then
I did the epic Um, which is the second largest
ship at sea, or it was at the time through
(01:27):
Norwig and Cruise Line. And here's this huge ship. And
I was given what's called a coffin, and you could
touch the bathroom, your closet. It's I mean, it's a coffin.
Like you open it, you lay down and that's it.
First of all, do you get a bathroom in your coffin?
That would be sweet. It's your bet, your showers. Also
where the toilet is. It's how many nights did you
(01:47):
spend in the coffin. I'm never gonna not be curious
about this. Well, in the coffin, I was there for
four months. We were doing fifteen shows a week, which
is a lot in the In the eight month when
I did, we're only doing four shows a week, which
is less than four hours of work a week. So
if someone asked have you done time, the answer is
yet yes, yes, although we were paid handsomely and we're
(02:10):
in beautiful places, but yes, you do feel like you
are locked up? Please welcome back Jackie. You way, Miss Jacqueline.
Have you had your future told? And if so, what
about it stayed with you? Yes? I did have my
future told by a man in Santa Monica in a
(02:33):
dark room and he was wearing a kilt. Um. It
was aggressive, but the only thing that you know what
actually did nothing about my fortune telling stayed with me.
But my friend was supposed to have twins. And so
from the day that we got our fortune told, fortunes told,
I put in when she needed to conceive to figure
(02:55):
out when the twins would come. Um, And so I
had it on my phone. So money later I saw
the date when she should be, you know, doing it
with her husband. I texted her the next day to
make sure that she was all good. But she doesn't
have twins, so I don't know. Kilt man, Wow, And
did you in fact mean the kilt was aggressive or
(03:16):
the experience was aggressive? The man in the kilt and
the whole experience is a little aggressive. Um, you can't
leave your hat on. It's Caroline Cutter, Brown Town. What's
your dental hygiene? Like? Oh awesome question? I um, actually
(03:39):
really do take care of my teeth. But I also
have bad teeth. You know what I mean? You know
what I'm saying. So I do the flossing, I do
the brushing, and sometimes a mouthwash if I'm feeling flushed
with cash. But it I get cavities all the damn time.
I have like soft teeth, oh dreaded soft? Yeah. Oh man,
(04:02):
I'm so glad. I asked, Hey, there's James Heeney. He
need one time. Can you play an instrument? Thank god,
it's an easy one to answer. Yes, I can play
a couple because this is important. Uh. The person that
told your future in the kilt? Are you sure with
Santa Monica and not Venice A and B? Did he
have long gray hair in a ponytail. Yes it was.
(04:27):
He's my neighbor. He loves like two doors down oftentimes
does Tarot card readings on his front porch. Yeah, he lives.
He lives like three doors down actually to you know what,
I can't I can't say, but it's really most of
the beach. And uh, yeah, he does Tarot card readings
(04:48):
out on his porch. He's a nice guy, actually very nice. Yeah,
he's a nice but I can't many tarot card readers
that have kilts on that are met Yes. Yeah, so sorry,
that's such a weird world. Had to ask. I love that.
I'll go ask him what the story is about the twins.
I mean, I hope there's a confidentiality between like a
(05:10):
Terror reader and like, you know what I'm saying stuff.
I guess you're right. I guess they probably wouldn't be
allowed to tell me. Have you been a patron of
his ever? No? I don't. I honestly not to knock
it at all, But I don't believe in that stuff.
I wish I could, I just don't. The only time
(05:32):
I ever got my Terror cards read was by Vanessa
and Jamie at the Dynasty Typewriter, and it was all
good fun. You prefer the all in good fun version
got you and last, but lace up your own damn
running Jews. If you think them lazy, it's Joey Greer,
Larry Holpus. What game show growing up kept your attention
for more than I don't know a minute? Uh? Is
(05:56):
it called Whammy? Like? No Wammy's like that one? No,
it wasn't called no Ammy. I think it's called Joker's
Press your luck. That was? That was so fun. That
was so fun. I love the head like the screens
going on? Also okay great. Almost all of our scene
suggestions are from patron v I P. S. To be
(06:16):
cut the patron supporter of the damn Show and enjoy
exclusive content and other perks, just head on over to
patreon dot com slash alchemy this. If you'd like to
submit a scene suggestion via email, please write to the
show at your name here at alchemy this dot com.
That's your name here and alchemy this is dot com. See.
Number one comes from new Patreon v I P. Kyle,
(06:40):
who wrote what I think I might have read this
one from the last year Zack Zack Huddleston referred that's
the one polish. This is what happens when you cut
me off. Oh here we go, patron v I P.
David w. Who oh, thanks for brightening up this dismal
(07:02):
and totally implausible timeline. I don't know how you do
what you do, but keep on doing it. Here's a
scene suggestion. Superman has a second secret identity. Stay well,
we need you all in peak shape. David w Uh sorry, Superman,
(07:22):
you I think you're my three o'clock today. What's going
on talk to me. I'm not feeling well. Okay, is
it something you're comfortable talking about? Yeah, I guess that's
why I'm here. Okay, Where where in your head, body,
(07:44):
and soul are you not feeling well? Heart? Your heart?
That's easy, that's easy. Yeah, the head's right, the heads right. Um, physically,
I'm top top notch. As it says to say, the
term your heart's not in it could apply. God, this
is why I come This is why I come here,
This is why I come here. Yeah, all right, Well,
(08:05):
we've discussed this in the past, and uh, in the past.
One of the ways we worked a while through this
was to simply add another secret identity. So how would
you feel about maybe trying that again? Okay? I hear that,
I hear you, and I hear the suggestion. So my
my reply would be, what if we got rid of
(08:27):
all the secrets and I was just who it is
I'm actually supposed to be? Okay, So, technically, is Superman
one of the we thought so, right, yes, yeah, Clark,
we thought so. You know, it turns not, Clark. Turns
(08:48):
out those are both masks, those are both identities. Bogus bogus,
as it were, look, collel, what was the first name
you come in here with? Yeah, let me ask my assistant, Joey,
do you remember what is it? A superman's original name
(09:09):
from this planet? Collel. Huh, thank you. I can't get
confirmation on look. Yeah, I'm doffing the cape. Okay, I'm
I've always been in favor of the Cape. Dof I'm
doffing the glasses when I'm Clark. Okay, So today it's
(09:34):
a rebirth, Joey, I have an appointment for my therapist.
I don't know why I have to sit here and
wait in the office. My time is here. What do
you mean you don't know where you gotta wait to
sitney office? Of course? Everyone fighting crime? Okay, I should
be out there fighting crime. But I have an appointment
for one thirty. What do you want me to do?
(09:58):
I would I didn't see my therapist. I want my
session now, all right. Look, he's so important. You're not
gonna believe this Superman, super Superman. You're not gonna believe
this Superman Clark. Yeah, you're not Colone? What what dude?
You cannot say his other fucking alternate personality and whatever
(10:19):
the is just like Joey. Okay, tell him it's my turn.
Get him out of there. Look, I can't do that, Batman,
why don't we just do? Why don't mean you do
like a little quick, Mini says, get the motor going
so when you pop in there? Yes, I'm certified terror readings. Fine, okay,
let's do it. Okay, So um, how long has it
(10:42):
been since your last confession? You must um confessions there? Yeah, okay.
I don't want to be faster than this speeding bullet.
I want to be as fast as a falling rose pedal.
You know. Isn't that allowed? Isn't that allowed? Yes? And
(11:03):
and we we went through this before. Let's just try
it one more time. You're a rose pedal. You're falling,
You're falling, You're falling, and where do you land? Jennifer? Yes,
you've got to find Jennifer. Oh wrong for Paul. I
(11:28):
am so sorry, man, you're gonna I'm with Batman right,
just actually, you know what, there's a lot of ship
that you two gotta handle. So why don't you two here?
This isn't this isn't good for me. I need to
talk to a therapist, kidding, pain, I can't deal with
you right now, okay, right there, right there, that's the problem.
(11:50):
That's the problem. Actually, I love doing therapy. Okay, So Batman,
you and Bain always got issues, right physically, you got back? Whoa, hello, Broth,
did you really? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?
(12:14):
So sorry, so sorry. I guess I need a hug,
But not a bear hug. Just a regular hug, babe,
just a regular hug. Look at this, that's beautiful. Hi. Um,
I'll take a just a medium coffee, please, smaller large?
So just choose one of those. Okay, uh, larger it's
(12:38):
jennifer six dollars. Okay, okay, but you probably you probably
you know me right kind of here? Pretty offen, Clark,
give me one second, Clark, how are you, bud? Hey? Hey, good, Hey,
how's that? How's that report coming? On the sports sports article?
You write about the different size soccer balls? Who the
(12:58):
hell do the MLS is going to come out here
and make it? Hey, listen, why the hell will they
be smaller than what they should be over in Europe?
That's why it's never going to translate in America. What
you haven't paid for your coffee yet? Okay, that's okay,
I'll pay. Do you know who I am? Clark, relaxed,
(13:19):
Jesus crazy. I guess your name is Clark, because that's
what this guy is calling you like. He's probably going
through someone with all this crazy ship. He's doing a
report on MLS soccer balls m L Does this mean
anything to you? Yeah? We all got those. No, I'm no,
(13:41):
I'm superman. Well I was superman. I want to be
your superman. Jer excuse me, sir, Like get your order
and go, like I haven't order to put in? Can you?
The line is so long? It's so long, ma'am. Have
you ever been in love? Now? But I have a baby.
(14:01):
It's my baby, and my baby wants a little frappuccino
right now. So if you could just stop undressing and
get get to get and getting it. I'm sorry, Jennifer,
I'll wait. I'll wait till your shift is over. So uncomfortable.
Oh my god, he's the neck over the neck. What
(14:22):
are you doing? You just yeah, but it's just like
um huh, it's like easy to talk to talk to people,
you know, I'm sure. Yeah, And I think I don't
want to work at the front desk anymore, right, I
(14:43):
want to be a therapist. That's what you want. Yeah,
I've decided. Okay, So how would you in a real
world situation? How would you tell your employer that that's
what you want. Uh, I don't know. I guess feels
like a real world situation. I guess I could kidnap
(15:05):
him or her. Okay, wait, wait, wait, that's that's your
go to your default kidnap. I know it's some one
that work with so many superheroes and supervillains that like,
yeah in a weird way. Yeah, you know. I think
my superpower is connection and building bridges and Batman bean. Hey,
(15:30):
hey guys, hey, it's me Superman. Not here to fight,
not here to fight neither. We were having coffee? Can
I can? I can? I pull a chair? All right,
I'll okay, okay, so I'm not gonna be three now okay.
(15:51):
What can I get you, tall dark stranger? Oh? Hi? Uh?
Water is fine? Thank you? Water? Sorry? Three, you have
to buy something. I can't charge you for water. Come on,
get something for God's sakes. Oh yeah, we don't have that.
It's not a coke shop. It's a coffee shop. Something
(16:12):
in the coffee world and the coffee family yeah, medium,
we have tea medium coffee. You want to do you
want to call it? I mean gets the suffer mom?
Such a great question. Yeah, it's either fine, gentlemen. Look,
I'm here to talk to you about. I had a revelation.
What if we stopped with this stuff wearing these steps?
(16:38):
Get with the times? Wait? What get with the time? Soups?
We stopped with this stuff? We're having coffee conflict? Wow? Wow,
Clara tossed a guy through a Starbucks? Is that is
that Clark? They have seen one? Everybody's seen one. Yeah,
(17:03):
buddet ball of so Superman never landed on that ideentity.
He was still searching for it. Still finding yeah, which
is great, still finding it? All about journey age. I
like that. Thank you, Yes Yes. C two is brought
to us by an email from Emmanuel from Sweden, who wrote, high,
(17:26):
you wonderful people. My most recent scene suggestion didn't cut
it because it had to do with you all playing
Kevin as a character in a multiverse setting. I think
we might have done that scene though, to my defense,
this was way before you announced you didn't want any
more suggestions like that, so anyways, it doesn't matter. I'm
(17:47):
not mad. At you anymore. I've got two scenes suggestions.
Oh good, uh useless superpowers coming handy? Okay, we're probably
not doing that? Or what really? What really went down
in the forty years of desert traveling with Moses. I
(18:08):
really hope you guys are well, and please please all
caps keep up the good work. You're all amazing um
and the guests love them all. Kind regards, Emmanuel Gonzalez, Sweden.
M m can we stop again? I just got sand
in my shoes. It's so hot to Moses. What is
(18:35):
it now with the questions? I just it's like, so
I got snakes in my sandals. I got right doing this.
I I am hearing a lot of I This journey
is about we. You know, Moses, you did some really
cool magic back there when you parted the seas and stuff,
(18:57):
But like, can't we see other magic too? Yeah? Please? Please? Please?
Were magic an idea? Why don't I just pull your
happiness out of my ass? Oh? Yeah, yes, smell Okay.
(19:22):
I helped free you from the Egypt and we're wandering
for our freedom. By the way, By the way, on that, like,
I don't know if I would have left had I
known that we had this long walk ahead of us. Like,
sure it sucked there, but at least we could like
chill and like play cards and stuff. Yeah, I don't
like cardio. Yeah all right, And and we've been in
(19:46):
the sun for far too long. I couldn't agree. However,
the Egyptians Moses right, and I was helping build the pyramids, Okay,
Yeah it was hard work, but they gave us a
kind of structure. Okay, and maybe we just need that again.
Yeah it was a little left, you know what I mean.
But hey, come on, huh, I mean we got red
(20:08):
Stockholm syndrome is kind of the vibe with him, you
know what I mean. Yes, I couldn't agree more. Say,
a lot of us died, a lot of us died.
We're gonna We're gonna die, you know what I mean. Look, look, look,
all I'm saying is maybe we go back and say
that we we wuked it up. We suked it up.
So we've been at this journey now for thirty eight years.
And what if I told you that was only two
(20:30):
more years left. You've been saying, no, no, I'm not
not taking your word anymore. I demand you talked to
the big guy. We want to hear him. We want
to hear go up that mountain, Go up that mountain
and you talk to him. You want me to go
back to the building bush. This is what you want.
The melody and mountains right there also and looks like
(20:52):
there's a bush on fire there. God, somebody should go
with him. There's no reason to get host. All right,
I'll go with him. I also like magic God God too. Okay,
this is what we had in year seventeen. We're not
(21:13):
all going to talk to God. You understand why God
chose to speak to me. This got other stuff to do.
Who goes? All right? This is for me. I gotta
I gotta take this. It's on speaker. It's on speaker
phone from heaven. We go there, God, what's up Moses? Hey,
(21:37):
I know it's been a while. Listen, they're up my
ass again for happiness and uh, you know it's thirty
eight years now, and the question is not not completely
out of out of selfish regard? What are we? What
are we? What are we looking at here on this journey?
With thirty eight years in? I just proposed to them,
what if it was only two more years, just a
(21:59):
round up to forty? But but if we could get
a straight skinny from the big man. Look, Moses, you
and I are straight. You know what I mean? We
are good. We're good. Maybe it's time I talked. I hear,
I hear from the people. Maybe they need to hear me.
I should step back. All right, it's an open field
of questions. Raise your hand, do it all the late? Please?
(22:20):
Here we go, Here we go? Question yes, question, question, question?
Can you more of that man of stuff down? Yep? Done? Next?
Who's next? Next? Question? Hey? God? So look, I've been
hearing some rumblings about your son Jesus and about how
he's able to turn water into want. And you know,
(22:43):
I don't know if that's supposed to happen later or
if it already happened, because you know, what is it later?
You know later? Something tells me there could be something
about I don't know, to fish and making a fish
for all of us, because I'm pretty hungry out here.
I'm just here for the magic. Okay, okay, okay, what
is it you want? Specifically? You want fish? I want
(23:04):
fish and wine? There you go it. Yeah, you have
some you have some questions about the homily I gave. Well,
what's going on Father. First of all, it was um
four and a half hours long, and you were just
kind of rambling the whole time about Moses with like
(23:27):
a bunch of followers who you described as like annoying assholes,
and just you know, I have my my family with
me in church and that's not the kind of language
we hear. And I also, that's just an interpretation of
the Bible I've never heard before. Right, Look, two, I'm
(23:47):
a young young priest. That's your whole thing. You photoshopped
the thing of young pope and you put young priests
with your face and posed on Jude Law's body. I
know that's like your stick. That's your branding. I get it. Yeah,
it's it's it's also the body of Jude Love from
Sherlock Holmes, which I thought it was a little fun
just to kind of like, I know, and I noticed
(24:08):
that it's a little easter egg within the So you know,
I know, he's right, you're just older. So I didn't know,
but I you know, I'm twenty three, you're older. I
wasn't wrong, Okay, whatever, anyway, what you look older is
what I'm saying. So I've never I sent in without
(24:30):
sund in motion. So I've gotten wrinkles. Look I can
tell when I look at you and look, your kids
were conceived lovelesslye Okay, there wasn't any love when god alright,
the hell I come a young priest. I can tell
these things. It's okay, there's something wrong with that, but
it's just the facts of it. You got a kid,
and there's a lot didn't love. There's a lot, all right,
(24:52):
my husband, very much sure. But look what I'm trying
to say is when all right, listen up, old priests, listen, up,
old priests. We got the new hot shots coming in today.
I mean, we don't I know, but he's making some waves.
He's making some waves. It has the problem. He's making waves,
(25:12):
but he's getting he's getting people. You know, he's got
he's got eighty eight thousand followers on Instagram. Well you
know it's very handsome. Yeah, yeah, probably bottom Hey, I
don't know, I don't know, I don't know. But listen,
he's coming in to speak to us. He's he's gonna
catch us up on what's going on in his parish
and bring him in. All right, all right, hey guys, Okay,
(25:37):
now check it out. We're gonna go into the inner
chamber where all the older priests are at, and we're
gonna see what it's like talking to him, and maybe
we can bring him up to speed on what's happening
in our neck of the world. Woulds come on, guys, hey, uh,
we'll see you now. We'll see you now. Blessed, blessed
be him? Are you all right? Yeah, blessed? Just a fly,
(25:58):
It's just flies on the air. Okay, Oh, well, you
know what, there's the issue right there. You guys got
a lot of hamburger me just left out. It's just
it's just good hamburger. Met We're making order up much
later well as it's starting now, so probably within the
next thirty minutes that meets rand I wouldn't cook with
(26:20):
that meat. It's not it's we're going to cook it
above alright, alright, this is not the argument. This is
not that guy. Fill us in all right. On ABC
News at Night, the biggest breaking story today for me
and my co anchor is that all of the old
priests in the district have died from food poisoning. Their
bodies were found um by um the young priests who
(26:45):
did it. On Instagram stretching Just read just read stretch
on Instagram. I've had everything Instergium live and normally at
this point, as faithful of your sweating, we usually take um,
we usually take um a break. We would just take
a break for the coverci what what? But I'm going
(27:06):
through it. I'm stretching it out. I'm not supposed to
say that part. But um uh so if you go
to a guest today, what go to a guest? I'll
take another one? All right, kids, can you calm down
for a second. What are you talking about? That loveless
made her kids lovelessly? What do you mean what we're
talking about? The young priest told me when I went
(27:29):
to speak to him after the insane homily he delivered.
Did the kids? Just where do the kids go? They
were just here the backyard. They went out the dog
door to the backyard. We all went out the dog
door to the backyard. Well except for you, honey. Why
do you want to be an adult again? I mean,
I like when I get to plane at dog but
(27:50):
I'll just go out to the backyard. I'm going. Honey,
we see you pretending to walk but staying in the
same place. You can be you can hang out with
the adults. It's okay if you want to pretend to
be an adult being adult. Okay, come on, okay, honey,
do you want a beer? Yeah? All right, Dan? What
should at least give her? No duels? Don't? She's chugging
(28:12):
a Miller white. It's not good. What do you mean
she's a fun adult? She's not seven years old, Dan,
she's gonna be chugging beer. She's pretending to be an adult.
What do you want to do if you're feeding her beer?
She you needed a can? Honey, don't eat a can.
Don't not eat no not? Oh my god, classic your
(28:36):
side of the family. Oh my god. Now look, I
gotta say, you look a little young, but you got
a briefcase full of cash. So any west thing you want,
it's yours. Okay, all right, you just go ahead and
pick the color and I will have it cleaned up
for you. Well, my favorite color is blue, but last
week it was green. But I'm kind of feeling yellow.
(28:57):
So can I get all of those? Yeah? What what
did you? How old you? Again? I'm what do you?
What are you doing this evening? Uh? Tonight, I'm doing
Texas and visiting the h way. Oh god, h away
tell me about it all right, Well listen, I'm gonna
(29:18):
write you up here and we get to get a
little invoice. My number is gonna be on that. That's
my personal number. Now. If you have any problems with
any of the cars you you bought, you just you
give o bablicle Okay, Bob, Okay, honey. So you brought
a said you of a playdate for tonight at the house. Yeah,
I'm not Bob today. He's so nice. He's gonna bring
(29:38):
me my car and he said he'd helped me with
my taxes and me visiting the h away emphasis on
the H and the oh that Bob guy. Sure, honey, okay,
and he's coming over now. Why can't beer get Oh
my god, your daughter drank it? Hi? Hi? How do
(30:01):
you do? Bob? And you're here to play with my
seven daughter? Hey? Mab oh hey, well you look beautiful.
I'm sorry, I start, I cannot cannot. Who are you?
I'm just trying to hang out with my wife. Excuse me.
(30:25):
I don't want to have a loveless marriage like you
and dad. Okay, let me have a plane day. I
gotta call Batman for what hold on, what's going on?
This is a private line. Who is this Batman? It's me,
It's me, dou Oh okay, look, I know I haven't
been part of the Justice League in a long time. Okay,
(30:46):
you were never officially apart. It was not shut up
to funk yourself yourself, okay, yess I was. Okay, Look
I need your help. I need you to come down
and beat that ship aesome guy. All right, it's gonna
have to beat for something more important than just some
almost Justice League are asking me to beat the ship
out of some guy. Look, some fucking dude who works
(31:07):
at the Mustang shop. And I know that because God
damn Polo s his Mustang shop on there. Okay, it's
coming down here and he wants to drink all my
fucking beer. So you gotta kick this guy's asked for me,
all right. You can't just be calling me on here
for chickens and he's asked for drinking. Okay, Well, thank
you for explaining. I see that. I see the mix
up here. But you, ma'am, may I just say you
(31:29):
you are beautiful, not not the daughter, not you, missy.
I've learned your age from you're looking. I'm sorry, you're
just making one contact with my daughter when you said
you're beautiful, so idn't know. Forgive me for thinking you're
talking to I'm to you. I'm talking to you. Can
you say it again while maintaining eye contact with me? Look,
(31:51):
this play dates over. Okay, I didn't know. I didn't
know your real age. Your mom. Your mom told me everything,
and your mom is you know, well, just beautiful ladies
in the house is all I'm saying. See. Maybe, and
when we think about it, we understand that the Bible
isn't only something that you guess. You can't stream the Bible, right,
(32:14):
I can't go on to the Bible and say how
many followers do I have? But if we look at
the Bible, we're gonna see the first influencers ever in history.
Hey man, this is a church. Speak out the Catholic Church. Okay,
this isn't a prosing fucking church. Okay, it's a Catholic church.
(32:37):
So shows some fucking respect and don't call out you
dump ships. Hallelujah. Hey father Tim, thanks for coming in. Yeah,
I just a real brief, just got a couple of
I don't want to call him complaints. I'm sorry. Yeah,
if I could just get your attention for a second. Uh,
some of the folks in your parish of mentioned I
(32:58):
don't want to say, complaining that you're you're, you're a
little loose at the at the pulp right the F bombs?
Cann't we talk about the F bombs just for a second. Yeah, sure,
faith and faith and there's another F bomb that apparently
(33:19):
just flying out of you whenever you feel like it,
and in church in front of your congregation. I'm just curious. Nope,
that's not the one we're looking for. Sounds like duck.
Now look, uh, father father Donald, Uh, I think I
think your interview with with the young priest went poorly
(33:39):
because of you. I read because yeah read the transcripts.
We obviously we had this place bugged. You were so
cash with him at top, saying they're not complaints. Uh saying, uh,
he s felt very very You wouldn't you didn't get
to it, you know what I mean? I mean the
problem this guy is saying funk all over the place.
You know, So confrontation. You wanted confrontation. I wanted results.
(34:01):
I wanted results, right, I won't I won't see you
shoot drink other people's beer. Oh God, you're wrong guy,
You fucking idiot, you domb ship. I called you, you
fucking idiot. Go demognize you out about But okay, okay,
(34:23):
are you all right? I know I'm kid went rooms.
My ribs are piercing, the rungs loans are filled up
with blood. Okay, man, that man, make me one wish
you can grant wishes? Make me a wish. I don't
have shooper powers. I'm just a superman. But I'm superman.
What that man? Grammy one wish? You can grant wish?
You my best grammy one wish? Okay, what's your wish?
(34:47):
And you fucking you shut up for every piece of ship.
I'm not granting that wish. Okay, Moses, you burn us
up to this hill. So you know she didn't get
off the pot. I mean she a little something, because
come on, what's going on? Years Ask the Lord whatever
you'd like. Just be orderly, raise your hand and he'll
(35:08):
take your question. I want him to stop, get us
out of his damn desert. It's don't tell me address
him directly. Okay. God's nut, Yeah, it's hot as nut
in this desert. Can you please prove me wrong? God, Yeah,
prove me wrong. Also, like, what's the deal? You know
(35:32):
what I mean? While desert? What are we walking towards? Years?
That's the question? Start it out. Okay um um, it's
been okay um um, it's been a really long time.
It's been thirty years. It feels like we're just walking
in circles around the desert. Uh. You would think after
(35:54):
a certain number of years we would maybe come to
an oasis or a small village or something like that.
So it's kind of named some more places you might
see on the stop names okay um um um um,
like an animal, carcass perhaps, word association, word association, just
jumping off gavel, judge court, um, jail um prison, these
(36:20):
places you see in the desert. What is it? Two years?
It's been two years, everybody, it's been two years. You've
been speaking for two years. Congratulations. Forty years? Is up?
This place to the Promise Lands, Altadena, Altadena, California. Go nuts.
(36:42):
You're away from Egypt. And that has seen to Altadena, California,
a k a. The Promised Land seen three. He's brought
to us today from Patron V I. P. Cutter who
rode High Kevin H fan of you and all the
Alchemists voice time, long time, so thanks for hearing me
(37:05):
out here. I send an email on this one, but
my grammar and typing skills are such dogshit that it
must have sent to directly to spam. Tell Craig, I'm
sorry and I'm learning. Okay, my scene suggestion. The drummer
is late to the gig. Much love to you and all. Connor, Hartford, Connecticut.
I haven't seen him, but umm looking for the drummer
(37:27):
like we could, just like we can't. We could just
get a drum machine. We we hired the band, and
the band calls for the drummer. So do let us
know when your drummer arrives. You're set to go on
at two more right, what are you saying? What are
you sign you can guarantee you can. I'm sorry, sir,
(37:49):
We'll hand to listen, no problem. What We'll see you
in the moment. We'll see you the moment. Yeah, well, yes, sir, yes, yes, yes, sir,
are signing because she's Dumi. We can't lose this gig,
all right. I don't know if we're going to see
the drummer. I don't think. I don't think Gary's coming back.
But here's my thing I want to say, is like
(38:10):
your solution for this is to get a drum machine.
How will we get that in forty minutes? Not a
really good that far away? The Who's gonna go get it?
Who's gonna get pick up the ba? I'll go get it.
You gotta tune your bass because you're always off key. Well,
maybe what I'll do is I'll just play a little
(38:32):
extra slap with my bass, my first off, the first off, Mike, mate,
we all know your Italian. You don't have to do this.
Actually I'm not Italian Italian? Would you please it at Nally? Hey, Karen,
(38:54):
sorry to pull you off the floor here at that
best Buy? Oh no, big deal, man, Harry, talk it
will It is a big deal. And you probably know
what I'm gonna say. Oh no, I'm sady to talk.
You know, I haven't been talking to anybody for a while.
What's up? What's going on? I'm Jim. Part of the issue, Karen.
It's your numbers. You're not moving big equipment. Uh well,
(39:14):
big equipment is kind of hard to move. It is
it is, And I'll give you that, and I'll give
you that. And I've been giving you that for months now.
You know I mean Paul, Paul, he sold a laser maker.
You know what I mean? Yeah? Okay, that is this
what we're talking about. This is what they're talking about
on the news now. Is sexism? Is that what's happening here? Oh? Shit, No, no,
(39:36):
I didn't. I'm i gotta go. You're great. Oh, I
guess you what? Don't want to talk to more, do you? Jim?
I just keep up with good work. Hey, I'm sorry.
I'm just looking for a laser maker. I'm looking for
a thing to make a laser. Oh, we don't have
that here. You don't have that? No, but Paul, I
(40:00):
don't know. Guy might have it. I'm sorry, don't. I
hate to cut it on this, but hold on. I'm
sorry for a laser maker. Hey, buddy, please get the
hell away from me. You're sweating like crazy. Give me
some space. Got I got this one. Tommy. Hey, hey,
hey fella, you're looking for a lazing make What the
(40:20):
fund is going on here? Look? Man, I was you
looking for a lazer maker. I'm looking for some of
that makes a laser. I'll just go on Amazon. Weird
sounds like sexism to me. I don't like sexism. What
I don't know. I just I'm just here on the floor.
But it sounds like sexism, and me want to said
the best buy. That's sexism. I don't understand. I don't know.
(40:43):
I don't know. I mean, maybe you don't know the
definition of sexism, but it sounds like it might be
happening right here. I watched the news. Oh wait, well
I no, no, no, what I wanted. I don't you
know what. Maybe I felt it. I fella, your ship
just got me too. All right, you need to deal
with this right now. All right, I'll buy it. Whatever
you have, I'll buy it, all right. I got this
(41:03):
really nice toaster. Okay, it's a Brevel toaster. You could
take about four pieces of toast at one time, where
you can do two bagels in a sandwich. You'd already.
Uh it's not a big item, but it's put small
and that's my specialty. You want it, I'll take it dollars, okay.
So you have the final thing to make the laser. Alright,
(41:24):
we have this laser. It's going to save the world.
So let's you said you bought it, so put it up,
final cog in the machine to save Earth on tweeting, guys,
Best Buys tweeting right now, it's crazy. Everyone off your phone?
Everyone off your phone? Is this a La lasers laser?
(41:46):
I'm the boss. Why are you telling everyone to get
off the phone. I gotta toaster. I gotta toaster here,
So why don't we just take a second to enjoy
the toaster? If anyone toaster? But where's the laser maker?
We sent you the best buy for I think we
should all have a nice toasted sandwich before we talk
about the laser Well my phone, did you get the
laser maker? I got a toaster, and I think I
(42:11):
think that's good enough. Guys. I know I'm just the
janitor here, but fucking my phone is blowing up for real.
So the Best Buies is knocking on somebody hard and
they're saying they're going to cancel this motherfucker anywhere. He
goes knocking on Heaven Store everybody. Okay, I think the
best thing to be doomed we needed a laser maker?
(42:32):
Well you know what, the earth dast Maybe Earth needs
a crunches sandwich. Let's toast up some buns. Let's get
some cheese on there. Listen joy Hammy. Huh. I think
we all agreed that we want toasted sandwiches, but at
the same time we would like to save earth. Okay,
well you know here how much about questions they did
the toasted subber Remember that yes Twitter handle, whoever's Twitter
(42:57):
handle is uh laser before lazy is just getting fucking rams. Huh.
I think well, look, look, look, look, look, so I'm
just gonna come out about me on that happening best pie,
and I just wanted to tell you all my my
(43:18):
followers before you heard it from me. I want to
be transparent. I'm not a follower. I mean, we're not
your followers. Where your colleagues, and I'm your boss. You're
dead last in the line, yeatorial intern? Yeah right, and
listen as your as your boss, so to speak. I
(43:39):
would urge you to go live right now on what
every social media you have and clear this up. Just
go live. Don't run from it, man, Okay, Okay, let's
go here we go. Uh, let's turn on, let me
turn on whatever part this is, this part of the
laser Well fuck, he's dead. Alright. Look I found somebody
(44:07):
who can be drumming for us, all right. I think
this guy is going to be top notch. I think
he's gonna do the way he's supposed to. Day's drumming
all up, all right, now, just give him a second.
Just you're from Italy, mate, you're from Italy. From really,
why don't you just stopping? I met you Italy. I
don't always see that your Italian were from England. And
(44:30):
what you're doing is offensive, mate, It's offensive to us.
It hurts our feelings. Mate. We've told you this. I
told you it hurts my feelings when you say that,
not for there's anything wrong with being English. Seems like
your tongue is trying to escape from your mouth. I
have a peanut allergy. You've been going to down a
(44:55):
peanut M just introduced the drama. I just checking in
again if you'll find your drummer yet we actually yeah,
so so good? So now yeah, where is he? He's
actually just doing a little dramatic entrance for us. So
he hasn't popped in. He's actually there. He's in the
(45:16):
wah room right now, just about to pop out. Right.
So I stopped by, and you play me like a fool,
like that is that? What? No, no, no, no, he's
in the washing. Yeah right. What's the difference between that
and we haven't found a drummer yet? Well, one is
one is there is no one, and then the other
one is we do have a guy and he's just
in the bathroom, maybe doing any wrong. The answer is nothing,
(45:37):
there's nothing different. You mean no, it's a clear difference.
He said that. Yeah, we have a person, but unless
we're standing in the washer with him at I don't
know who's there, Do I what? He's coming in so hot?
We've got a guy because they're on stage in thirty
one minutes. That's why, I mate, that's the strangest jack
(46:00):
permanence I've ever heard of my life. You need to
see the dealing to see if they're real. It makes
no sense. It doesn't. I'm here, my peepiece in my pants.
You're saying to me that you've got to blog a
drama and he's in the water. Don't tell me that
he actually exists? Does he does? He does? In seven minutes,
(46:23):
he left. It's gonna miss it is. Everyone be quiet
before he comes out. Scare him? Why just speaking Italian? Next?
Don't I said? I trying to scare him flush. It
sounds like he did a water breaker or something in there.
(46:46):
It must be a big old all right, I hit alright, Sorry,
sorry I didn't number two. I want joy he drum,
Oh you're not, year's me. I think it's I think
(47:08):
it's I'm ready to get on there that I emptied
out my bowels. Yes, sounds like you had to do it.
Quite a few flashes in there. Again, it's really seeping fruit.
I mean door, Why don't need to shut the door behind? Now?
Leave it? Help me? I like this snay without drumming,
and it keeps me on me Oh my god. The
(47:29):
smell of your ship keeps you on tempo. Yeah, it
keeps me in you know, it keeps me. It will
libertum in alloyment. Look, we have to just deal with this.
We don't have another drummer. We gotta let small kind
of sleep for the entire venue. George, Ladies and gentlemen,
(47:51):
makes noise the rocking egg, Las and Chapman, we're the reckoning.
Were with the reckoning. He's got COVID. He's got COVID. No, No,
my don't got COVID. It's just a funny ship. Smell show.
(48:14):
Dan fucking hell, what a reckoning for the chefs. I'm
having this show tonight because I laid it all out.
Yeah yeah, Rock, Welcome back to ABC. I witness news
(48:42):
at nine. Another bad piece of news, this bad news
piece of news. Stop laughing. I'm laughing. I'm laughing because
otherwise I'd be crying. Lazes and gentlemen, then cry. That's
(49:03):
better than laughing. Crying is more problem. What happened a
Rock venue? You can read the prompter. Don't make it up,
just read the prompter. Strategy, no silence, no silence us
your word. COVID had a really bad night tonight. Fill
(49:29):
the vomit. Okay, Well, your passport here says Italian, and
it's because that's what I picked up my passport. But
it's not Italian. You can tell him no Italian? What
do you mean? I could tell you now it's telling
(49:50):
and my voice. Syeah, we got one right here. Can
we just get We gotta check this care just bringing
the back, so you're gonna have to come with us.
I've got to wait right alright, great movie, close place. Okay,
it's a media I gotta I think I gotta say okay,
(50:13):
I'm pretty sorry, but I'm in a band, and it's
important that they don't know that I'm really I tell
you know. Holy crap, his penis has got an Italian accent.
Did you hold on a singing? That's crazy? What band? Yeah?
We bandy and little guy. You know what. I'm afraid
that if I say the band's name now, it'll get
(50:36):
back to the don't be afraid. We'd love to hear it.
Oh no, I really do prefer not to say it.
It's the reckoning. Is that? Thank you? Thank you for
making it awkward. Please don't tell them that I'm Italian.
I think I've hit it pretty well. Yeah, yeah, you
hear that, right, he you hear that it happen say
(51:00):
it's so it was so bad? Of course he had
to be Italian. Oh no, we know you're Italian Too's
all right, relax with it. So he's gonna come out
with bathroom. It sticks in there. It's gonna keep us
(51:24):
all on tempo in my base basic. That's our show
friend today, Oh baby, we will try to share with you.
Are happy ending, our happy ending? Man? Oh man, that
(51:45):
was spectacular. That was funny. We had a visual in
the zoom folks that indicated as James was weirdly wrapping
it up, he lost connection and what would did anyone
pick up with that sentence? Sexual he said? Or just
conn Yeah, I think it said good accent. I think
(52:07):
I think it's a number one tech guy. Let's thank
of our alchemist Jackie White. Thank you so much for
coming back with a great joy of ready ready to
do accents whenever I can do a mall. So, yeah,
nine accents. You just listed the number. You didn't list
what they actually were exactly, like to keep it a surprise.
(52:29):
All right, Well cool, Thank you very much. Is there
anything you'd like to plug or mention or more? Folks
can find you? Uh? Yeah, Actually updated my Instagram handle
so it's my real name. You can find me on
Instagram at Jacqueline underscore, j k l y underscore. You
w e h thank you for that. Check her out.
(52:51):
Caroline Connor. Yeah, any close to the driver across the country, huh?
Any closer to driving across the No, I'm still looking
to get into a car and drive across country. So
if anyone has any tips or any ways that I
could get there, yeah, or if they have a car
to car yeah, anybody out there has a car and
(53:12):
wants to uh drive with Caroline across the country right
to us. That your name here at alcim this dot
com and I'm happy to forward those emails to your Caroline.
You can choose, choose your mystery co pilot. Thank you,
Chris Avado as always, thank you, Thank you, Caroline. Don't
just drive to like Santa Barbaraton back. That'll satisfy your
(53:34):
your need for the open road. You don't want to
go do the whole thing. It's not that far the country.
I guess you're right. I guess you're right. Think about it,
think about it. I've heard tell that the drive back
is a little more easy m m. Shorter on the
way back. Yeah, that whole you're going against the rotation.
(53:58):
It's not a five days. It's not five days. It's
more like four and a half. So you've never driven
across the country before, Caroline. I haven't either, anybody in
the group. Yeah twice. I Ain't've done it so many
times I can't count. We're talking coast to coast, right, Well,
I've driven coast to coast before, but typically I only
(54:20):
drive to Chicago from l A, which is how long
does that take you? I just did it a week
ago and it took me a little over three days.
I could go faster if I was riding solo. That's
so fast. Oh that's great. And James, thank you also
(54:43):
for being here, and uh, we look forward to seeing
you again next week. Is anything you want folks to
know about between now and then? Well, I now that
I'm back from my trip, Brief News Brief is going
to be releasing bi weekly episodes Tuesdays and Thursdays, so
you can get that almost anywhere you get podcasts. And
by bi weekly, of course you mean Tuesday and Thursday, right,
(55:08):
He's like fortnight? That is there a different way? Is
that that? With by week? Actually is every other week?
I thought no, it can be both, which is confusing.
I looked this up recently and it says it can
be twice a week or twice a month, which is annoying.
That's the great English language, nothing worse. Joey Greer, Yes,
(55:30):
thank you, sir. You'll let us know when you find
your shoes. You'll know what I know. Well, that's all
I'm asking. You'll know what I know, all right, Jeffy Griever,
let's thank our producer and engineer the stars, Mr Doug Bain. Fine,
folks that I hurt media. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock.
(55:55):
Thank you all right to us to write a review,
be more involved in the show however you would like.
Who would love to hear from you? Right to your
name here, alcove to this dot com. That's your name here,
Welcome to this dot com. Until next time, look out
for each other. Let's have each other's backs. Wear your
masks please. We will get through this, so they say,
until next time,
Oh yeah, come back to another episode about this COVID
nine edition. I'm your host, Kevin Policy back, sure, yes,
of course, just leave it up a gate and back
the funk off the yard. Yeah, um, get I digres.
Let's meet a shower in particular orders. Say hello to
(00:22):
Christoph Lodo duck made Colin Fan. Are you in fact seaworthy?
I am. I spent eight and second of months at sea,
uh with the Second City, doing doing shows on a
cruise ship. But it did take me two full weeks
to get my sea legs. I was sick almost every
day for two weeks. And did you have any um
(00:44):
accoutremants like a wrist band thing or an ear thing
or no? And I saw everybody wearing that stuff, and
I thought I would. I thought I was fucking gonna
be fine, and I wasn't. I wasn't fine. Wow. Did
you how long were you on the boat? I did?
I did two boats, but one of the boats was
eight consecutive months. Yeah. How large was the quote unquote
(01:06):
stateroom you were sleeping in? Oh? It was terrible. It
was terrible because every six weeks I had to share
a room with one of my cast mates, so so
we'd be like very close just to twin beds, and
then I'd get my own for a while. And then
so it was it's it's a fucking nightmare. And then
I did the epic Um, which is the second largest
ship at sea, or it was at the time through
(01:27):
Norwig and Cruise Line. And here's this huge ship. And
I was given what's called a coffin, and you could
touch the bathroom, your closet. It's I mean, it's a coffin.
Like you open it, you lay down and that's it.
First of all, do you get a bathroom in your coffin?
That would be sweet. It's your bet, your showers. Also
where the toilet is. It's how many nights did you
(01:47):
spend in the coffin. I'm never gonna not be curious
about this. Well, in the coffin, I was there for
four months. We were doing fifteen shows a week, which
is a lot in the In the eight month when
I did, we're only doing four shows a week, which
is less than four hours of work a week. So
if someone asked have you done time, the answer is
yet yes, yes, although we were paid handsomely and we're
(02:10):
in beautiful places, but yes, you do feel like you
are locked up? Please welcome back Jackie. You way, Miss Jacqueline.
Have you had your future told? And if so, what
about it stayed with you? Yes? I did have my
future told by a man in Santa Monica in a
(02:33):
dark room and he was wearing a kilt. Um. It
was aggressive, but the only thing that you know what
actually did nothing about my fortune telling stayed with me.
But my friend was supposed to have twins. And so
from the day that we got our fortune told, fortunes told,
I put in when she needed to conceive to figure
(02:55):
out when the twins would come. Um, And so I
had it on my phone. So money later I saw
the date when she should be, you know, doing it
with her husband. I texted her the next day to
make sure that she was all good. But she doesn't
have twins, so I don't know. Kilt man, Wow, And
did you in fact mean the kilt was aggressive or
(03:16):
the experience was aggressive? The man in the kilt and
the whole experience is a little aggressive. Um, you can't
leave your hat on. It's Caroline Cutter, Brown Town. What's
your dental hygiene? Like? Oh awesome question? I um, actually
(03:39):
really do take care of my teeth. But I also
have bad teeth. You know what I mean? You know
what I'm saying. So I do the flossing, I do
the brushing, and sometimes a mouthwash if I'm feeling flushed
with cash. But it I get cavities all the damn time.
I have like soft teeth, oh dreaded soft? Yeah. Oh man,
(04:02):
I'm so glad. I asked, Hey, there's James Heeney. He
need one time. Can you play an instrument? Thank god,
it's an easy one to answer. Yes, I can play
a couple because this is important. Uh. The person that
told your future in the kilt? Are you sure with
Santa Monica and not Venice A and B? Did he
have long gray hair in a ponytail. Yes it was.
(04:27):
He's my neighbor. He loves like two doors down oftentimes
does Tarot card readings on his front porch. Yeah, he lives.
He lives like three doors down actually to you know what,
I can't I can't say, but it's really most of
the beach. And uh, yeah, he does Tarot card readings
(04:48):
out on his porch. He's a nice guy, actually very nice. Yeah,
he's a nice but I can't many tarot card readers
that have kilts on that are met Yes. Yeah, so sorry,
that's such a weird world. Had to ask. I love that.
I'll go ask him what the story is about the twins.
I mean, I hope there's a confidentiality between like a
(05:10):
Terror reader and like, you know what I'm saying stuff.
I guess you're right. I guess they probably wouldn't be
allowed to tell me. Have you been a patron of
his ever? No? I don't. I honestly not to knock
it at all, But I don't believe in that stuff.
I wish I could, I just don't. The only time
(05:32):
I ever got my Terror cards read was by Vanessa
and Jamie at the Dynasty Typewriter, and it was all
good fun. You prefer the all in good fun version
got you and last, but lace up your own damn
running Jews. If you think them lazy, it's Joey Greer,
Larry Holpus. What game show growing up kept your attention
for more than I don't know a minute? Uh? Is
(05:56):
it called Whammy? Like? No Wammy's like that one? No,
it wasn't called no Ammy. I think it's called Joker's
Press your luck. That was? That was so fun. That
was so fun. I love the head like the screens
going on? Also okay great. Almost all of our scene
suggestions are from patron v I P. S. To be
(06:16):
cut the patron supporter of the damn Show and enjoy
exclusive content and other perks, just head on over to
patreon dot com slash alchemy this. If you'd like to
submit a scene suggestion via email, please write to the
show at your name here at alchemy this dot com.
That's your name here and alchemy this is dot com. See.
Number one comes from new Patreon v I P. Kyle,
(06:40):
who wrote what I think I might have read this
one from the last year Zack Zack Huddleston referred that's
the one polish. This is what happens when you cut
me off. Oh here we go, patron v I P.
David w. Who oh, thanks for brightening up this dismal
(07:02):
and totally implausible timeline. I don't know how you do
what you do, but keep on doing it. Here's a
scene suggestion. Superman has a second secret identity. Stay well,
we need you all in peak shape. David w Uh sorry, Superman,
(07:22):
you I think you're my three o'clock today. What's going
on talk to me. I'm not feeling well. Okay, is
it something you're comfortable talking about? Yeah, I guess that's
why I'm here. Okay, Where where in your head, body,
(07:44):
and soul are you not feeling well? Heart? Your heart?
That's easy, that's easy. Yeah, the head's right, the heads right. Um, physically,
I'm top top notch. As it says to say, the
term your heart's not in it could apply. God, this
is why I come This is why I come here,
This is why I come here. Yeah, all right, Well,
(08:05):
we've discussed this in the past, and uh, in the past.
One of the ways we worked a while through this
was to simply add another secret identity. So how would
you feel about maybe trying that again? Okay? I hear that,
I hear you, and I hear the suggestion. So my
my reply would be, what if we got rid of
(08:27):
all the secrets and I was just who it is
I'm actually supposed to be? Okay, So, technically, is Superman
one of the we thought so, right, yes, yeah, Clark,
we thought so. You know, it turns not, Clark. Turns
(08:48):
out those are both masks, those are both identities. Bogus bogus,
as it were, look, collel, what was the first name
you come in here with? Yeah, let me ask my assistant, Joey,
do you remember what is it? A superman's original name
(09:09):
from this planet? Collel. Huh, thank you. I can't get
confirmation on look. Yeah, I'm doffing the cape. Okay, I'm
I've always been in favor of the Cape. Dof I'm
doffing the glasses when I'm Clark. Okay, So today it's
(09:34):
a rebirth, Joey, I have an appointment for my therapist.
I don't know why I have to sit here and
wait in the office. My time is here. What do
you mean you don't know where you gotta wait to
sitney office? Of course? Everyone fighting crime? Okay, I should
be out there fighting crime. But I have an appointment
for one thirty. What do you want me to do?
(09:58):
I would I didn't see my therapist. I want my
session now, all right. Look, he's so important. You're not
gonna believe this Superman, super Superman. You're not gonna believe
this Superman Clark. Yeah, you're not Colone? What what dude?
You cannot say his other fucking alternate personality and whatever
(10:19):
the is just like Joey. Okay, tell him it's my turn.
Get him out of there. Look, I can't do that, Batman,
why don't we just do? Why don't mean you do
like a little quick, Mini says, get the motor going
so when you pop in there? Yes, I'm certified terror readings. Fine, okay,
let's do it. Okay, So um, how long has it
(10:42):
been since your last confession? You must um confessions there? Yeah, okay.
I don't want to be faster than this speeding bullet.
I want to be as fast as a falling rose pedal.
You know. Isn't that allowed? Isn't that allowed? Yes? And
(11:03):
and we we went through this before. Let's just try
it one more time. You're a rose pedal. You're falling,
You're falling, You're falling, and where do you land? Jennifer? Yes,
you've got to find Jennifer. Oh wrong for Paul. I
(11:28):
am so sorry, man, you're gonna I'm with Batman right,
just actually, you know what, there's a lot of ship
that you two gotta handle. So why don't you two here?
This isn't this isn't good for me. I need to
talk to a therapist, kidding, pain, I can't deal with
you right now, okay, right there, right there, that's the problem.
(11:50):
That's the problem. Actually, I love doing therapy. Okay, So Batman,
you and Bain always got issues, right physically, you got back? Whoa, hello, Broth,
did you really? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?
(12:14):
So sorry, so sorry. I guess I need a hug,
But not a bear hug. Just a regular hug, babe,
just a regular hug. Look at this, that's beautiful. Hi. Um,
I'll take a just a medium coffee, please, smaller large?
So just choose one of those. Okay, uh, larger it's
(12:38):
jennifer six dollars. Okay, okay, but you probably you probably
you know me right kind of here? Pretty offen, Clark,
give me one second, Clark, how are you, bud? Hey? Hey, good, Hey,
how's that? How's that report coming? On the sports sports article?
You write about the different size soccer balls? Who the
(12:58):
hell do the MLS is going to come out here
and make it? Hey, listen, why the hell will they
be smaller than what they should be over in Europe?
That's why it's never going to translate in America. What
you haven't paid for your coffee yet? Okay, that's okay,
I'll pay. Do you know who I am? Clark, relaxed,
(13:19):
Jesus crazy. I guess your name is Clark, because that's
what this guy is calling you like. He's probably going
through someone with all this crazy ship. He's doing a
report on MLS soccer balls m L Does this mean
anything to you? Yeah? We all got those. No, I'm no,
(13:41):
I'm superman. Well I was superman. I want to be
your superman. Jer excuse me, sir, Like get your order
and go, like I haven't order to put in? Can you?
The line is so long? It's so long, ma'am. Have
you ever been in love? Now? But I have a baby.
(14:01):
It's my baby, and my baby wants a little frappuccino
right now. So if you could just stop undressing and
get get to get and getting it. I'm sorry, Jennifer,
I'll wait. I'll wait till your shift is over. So uncomfortable.
Oh my god, he's the neck over the neck. What
(14:22):
are you doing? You just yeah, but it's just like
um huh, it's like easy to talk to talk to people,
you know, I'm sure. Yeah, And I think I don't
want to work at the front desk anymore, right, I
(14:43):
want to be a therapist. That's what you want. Yeah,
I've decided. Okay, So how would you in a real
world situation? How would you tell your employer that that's
what you want. Uh, I don't know. I guess feels
like a real world situation. I guess I could kidnap
(15:05):
him or her. Okay, wait, wait, wait, that's that's your
go to your default kidnap. I know it's some one
that work with so many superheroes and supervillains that like,
yeah in a weird way. Yeah, you know. I think
my superpower is connection and building bridges and Batman bean. Hey,
(15:30):
hey guys, hey, it's me Superman. Not here to fight,
not here to fight neither. We were having coffee? Can
I can? I can? I pull a chair? All right,
I'll okay, okay, so I'm not gonna be three now okay.
(15:51):
What can I get you, tall dark stranger? Oh? Hi? Uh?
Water is fine? Thank you? Water? Sorry? Three, you have
to buy something. I can't charge you for water. Come on,
get something for God's sakes. Oh yeah, we don't have that.
It's not a coke shop. It's a coffee shop. Something
(16:12):
in the coffee world and the coffee family yeah, medium,
we have tea medium coffee. You want to do you
want to call it? I mean gets the suffer mom?
Such a great question. Yeah, it's either fine, gentlemen. Look,
I'm here to talk to you about. I had a revelation.
What if we stopped with this stuff wearing these steps?
(16:38):
Get with the times? Wait? What get with the time? Soups?
We stopped with this stuff? We're having coffee conflict? Wow? Wow,
Clara tossed a guy through a Starbucks? Is that is
that Clark? They have seen one? Everybody's seen one. Yeah,
(17:03):
buddet ball of so Superman never landed on that ideentity.
He was still searching for it. Still finding yeah, which
is great, still finding it? All about journey age. I
like that. Thank you, Yes Yes. C two is brought
to us by an email from Emmanuel from Sweden, who wrote, high,
(17:26):
you wonderful people. My most recent scene suggestion didn't cut
it because it had to do with you all playing
Kevin as a character in a multiverse setting. I think
we might have done that scene though, to my defense,
this was way before you announced you didn't want any
more suggestions like that, so anyways, it doesn't matter. I'm
(17:47):
not mad. At you anymore. I've got two scenes suggestions.
Oh good, uh useless superpowers coming handy? Okay, we're probably
not doing that? Or what really? What really went down
in the forty years of desert traveling with Moses. I
(18:08):
really hope you guys are well, and please please all
caps keep up the good work. You're all amazing um
and the guests love them all. Kind regards, Emmanuel Gonzalez, Sweden.
M m can we stop again? I just got sand
in my shoes. It's so hot to Moses. What is
(18:35):
it now with the questions? I just it's like, so
I got snakes in my sandals. I got right doing this.
I I am hearing a lot of I This journey
is about we. You know, Moses, you did some really
cool magic back there when you parted the seas and stuff,
(18:57):
But like, can't we see other magic too? Yeah? Please? Please? Please?
Were magic an idea? Why don't I just pull your
happiness out of my ass? Oh? Yeah, yes, smell Okay.
(19:22):
I helped free you from the Egypt and we're wandering
for our freedom. By the way, By the way, on that, like,
I don't know if I would have left had I
known that we had this long walk ahead of us. Like,
sure it sucked there, but at least we could like
chill and like play cards and stuff. Yeah, I don't
like cardio. Yeah all right, And and we've been in
(19:46):
the sun for far too long. I couldn't agree. However,
the Egyptians Moses right, and I was helping build the pyramids, Okay,
Yeah it was hard work, but they gave us a
kind of structure. Okay, and maybe we just need that again.
Yeah it was a little left, you know what I mean.
But hey, come on, huh, I mean we got red
(20:08):
Stockholm syndrome is kind of the vibe with him, you
know what I mean. Yes, I couldn't agree more. Say,
a lot of us died, a lot of us died.
We're gonna We're gonna die, you know what I mean. Look, look, look,
all I'm saying is maybe we go back and say
that we we wuked it up. We suked it up.
So we've been at this journey now for thirty eight years.
And what if I told you that was only two
(20:30):
more years left. You've been saying, no, no, I'm not
not taking your word anymore. I demand you talked to
the big guy. We want to hear him. We want
to hear go up that mountain, Go up that mountain
and you talk to him. You want me to go
back to the building bush. This is what you want.
The melody and mountains right there also and looks like
(20:52):
there's a bush on fire there. God, somebody should go
with him. There's no reason to get host. All right,
I'll go with him. I also like magic God God too. Okay,
this is what we had in year seventeen. We're not
(21:13):
all going to talk to God. You understand why God
chose to speak to me. This got other stuff to do.
Who goes? All right? This is for me. I gotta
I gotta take this. It's on speaker. It's on speaker
phone from heaven. We go there, God, what's up Moses? Hey,
(21:37):
I know it's been a while. Listen, they're up my
ass again for happiness and uh, you know it's thirty
eight years now, and the question is not not completely
out of out of selfish regard? What are we? What
are we? What are we looking at here on this journey?
With thirty eight years in? I just proposed to them,
what if it was only two more years, just a
(21:59):
round up to forty? But but if we could get
a straight skinny from the big man. Look, Moses, you
and I are straight. You know what I mean? We
are good. We're good. Maybe it's time I talked. I hear,
I hear from the people. Maybe they need to hear me.
I should step back. All right, it's an open field
of questions. Raise your hand, do it all the late? Please?
(22:20):
Here we go, Here we go? Question yes, question, question, question?
Can you more of that man of stuff down? Yep? Done? Next?
Who's next? Next? Question? Hey? God? So look, I've been
hearing some rumblings about your son Jesus and about how
he's able to turn water into want. And you know,
(22:43):
I don't know if that's supposed to happen later or
if it already happened, because you know, what is it later?
You know later? Something tells me there could be something
about I don't know, to fish and making a fish
for all of us, because I'm pretty hungry out here.
I'm just here for the magic. Okay, okay, okay, what
is it you want? Specifically? You want fish? I want
(23:04):
fish and wine? There you go it. Yeah, you have
some you have some questions about the homily I gave. Well,
what's going on Father. First of all, it was um
four and a half hours long, and you were just
kind of rambling the whole time about Moses with like
(23:27):
a bunch of followers who you described as like annoying assholes,
and just you know, I have my my family with
me in church and that's not the kind of language
we hear. And I also, that's just an interpretation of
the Bible I've never heard before. Right, Look, two, I'm
(23:47):
a young young priest. That's your whole thing. You photoshopped
the thing of young pope and you put young priests
with your face and posed on Jude Law's body. I
know that's like your stick. That's your branding. I get it. Yeah,
it's it's it's also the body of Jude Love from
Sherlock Holmes, which I thought it was a little fun
just to kind of like, I know, and I noticed
(24:08):
that it's a little easter egg within the So you know,
I know, he's right, you're just older. So I didn't know,
but I you know, I'm twenty three, you're older. I
wasn't wrong, Okay, whatever, anyway, what you look older is
what I'm saying. So I've never I sent in without
(24:30):
sund in motion. So I've gotten wrinkles. Look I can
tell when I look at you and look, your kids
were conceived lovelesslye Okay, there wasn't any love when god alright,
the hell I come a young priest. I can tell
these things. It's okay, there's something wrong with that, but
it's just the facts of it. You got a kid,
and there's a lot didn't love. There's a lot, all right,
(24:52):
my husband, very much sure. But look what I'm trying
to say is when all right, listen up, old priests, listen, up,
old priests. We got the new hot shots coming in today.
I mean, we don't I know, but he's making some waves.
He's making some waves. It has the problem. He's making waves,
(25:12):
but he's getting he's getting people. You know, he's got
he's got eighty eight thousand followers on Instagram. Well you
know it's very handsome. Yeah, yeah, probably bottom Hey, I
don't know, I don't know, I don't know. But listen,
he's coming in to speak to us. He's he's gonna
catch us up on what's going on in his parish
and bring him in. All right, all right, hey guys, Okay,
(25:37):
now check it out. We're gonna go into the inner
chamber where all the older priests are at, and we're
gonna see what it's like talking to him, and maybe
we can bring him up to speed on what's happening
in our neck of the world. Woulds come on, guys, hey, uh,
we'll see you now. We'll see you now. Blessed, blessed
be him? Are you all right? Yeah, blessed? Just a fly,
(25:58):
It's just flies on the air. Okay, Oh, well, you
know what, there's the issue right there. You guys got
a lot of hamburger me just left out. It's just
it's just good hamburger. Met We're making order up much
later well as it's starting now, so probably within the
next thirty minutes that meets rand I wouldn't cook with
(26:20):
that meat. It's not it's we're going to cook it
above alright, alright, this is not the argument. This is
not that guy. Fill us in all right. On ABC
News at Night, the biggest breaking story today for me
and my co anchor is that all of the old
priests in the district have died from food poisoning. Their
bodies were found um by um the young priests who
(26:45):
did it. On Instagram stretching Just read just read stretch
on Instagram. I've had everything Instergium live and normally at
this point, as faithful of your sweating, we usually take um,
we usually take um a break. We would just take
a break for the coverci what what? But I'm going
(27:06):
through it. I'm stretching it out. I'm not supposed to
say that part. But um uh so if you go
to a guest today, what go to a guest? I'll
take another one? All right, kids, can you calm down
for a second. What are you talking about? That loveless
made her kids lovelessly? What do you mean what we're
talking about? The young priest told me when I went
(27:29):
to speak to him after the insane homily he delivered.
Did the kids? Just where do the kids go? They
were just here the backyard. They went out the dog
door to the backyard. We all went out the dog
door to the backyard. Well except for you, honey. Why
do you want to be an adult again? I mean,
I like when I get to plane at dog but
(27:50):
I'll just go out to the backyard. I'm going. Honey,
we see you pretending to walk but staying in the
same place. You can be you can hang out with
the adults. It's okay if you want to pretend to
be an adult being adult. Okay, come on, okay, honey,
do you want a beer? Yeah? All right, Dan? What
should at least give her? No duels? Don't? She's chugging
(28:12):
a Miller white. It's not good. What do you mean
she's a fun adult? She's not seven years old, Dan,
she's gonna be chugging beer. She's pretending to be an adult.
What do you want to do if you're feeding her beer?
She you needed a can? Honey, don't eat a can.
Don't not eat no not? Oh my god, classic your
(28:36):
side of the family. Oh my god. Now look, I
gotta say, you look a little young, but you got
a briefcase full of cash. So any west thing you want,
it's yours. Okay, all right, you just go ahead and
pick the color and I will have it cleaned up
for you. Well, my favorite color is blue, but last
week it was green. But I'm kind of feeling yellow.
(28:57):
So can I get all of those? Yeah? What what
did you? How old you? Again? I'm what do you?
What are you doing this evening? Uh? Tonight, I'm doing
Texas and visiting the h way. Oh god, h away
tell me about it all right, Well listen, I'm gonna
(29:18):
write you up here and we get to get a
little invoice. My number is gonna be on that. That's
my personal number. Now. If you have any problems with
any of the cars you you bought, you just you
give o bablicle Okay, Bob, Okay, honey. So you brought
a said you of a playdate for tonight at the house. Yeah,
I'm not Bob today. He's so nice. He's gonna bring
(29:38):
me my car and he said he'd helped me with
my taxes and me visiting the h away emphasis on
the H and the oh that Bob guy. Sure, honey, okay,
and he's coming over now. Why can't beer get Oh
my god, your daughter drank it? Hi? Hi? How do
(30:01):
you do? Bob? And you're here to play with my
seven daughter? Hey? Mab oh hey, well you look beautiful.
I'm sorry, I start, I cannot cannot. Who are you?
I'm just trying to hang out with my wife. Excuse me.
(30:25):
I don't want to have a loveless marriage like you
and dad. Okay, let me have a plane day. I
gotta call Batman for what hold on, what's going on?
This is a private line. Who is this Batman? It's me,
It's me, dou Oh okay, look, I know I haven't
been part of the Justice League in a long time. Okay,
(30:46):
you were never officially apart. It was not shut up
to funk yourself yourself, okay, yess I was. Okay, Look
I need your help. I need you to come down
and beat that ship aesome guy. All right, it's gonna
have to beat for something more important than just some
almost Justice League are asking me to beat the ship
out of some guy. Look, some fucking dude who works
(31:07):
at the Mustang shop. And I know that because God
damn Polo s his Mustang shop on there. Okay, it's
coming down here and he wants to drink all my
fucking beer. So you gotta kick this guy's asked for me,
all right. You can't just be calling me on here
for chickens and he's asked for drinking. Okay, Well, thank
you for explaining. I see that. I see the mix
up here. But you, ma'am, may I just say you
(31:29):
you are beautiful, not not the daughter, not you, missy.
I've learned your age from you're looking. I'm sorry, you're
just making one contact with my daughter when you said
you're beautiful, so idn't know. Forgive me for thinking you're
talking to I'm to you. I'm talking to you. Can
you say it again while maintaining eye contact with me? Look,
(31:51):
this play dates over. Okay, I didn't know. I didn't
know your real age. Your mom. Your mom told me everything,
and your mom is you know, well, just beautiful ladies
in the house is all I'm saying. See. Maybe, and
when we think about it, we understand that the Bible
isn't only something that you guess. You can't stream the Bible, right,
(32:14):
I can't go on to the Bible and say how
many followers do I have? But if we look at
the Bible, we're gonna see the first influencers ever in history.
Hey man, this is a church. Speak out the Catholic Church. Okay,
this isn't a prosing fucking church. Okay, it's a Catholic church.
(32:37):
So shows some fucking respect and don't call out you
dump ships. Hallelujah. Hey father Tim, thanks for coming in. Yeah,
I just a real brief, just got a couple of
I don't want to call him complaints. I'm sorry. Yeah,
if I could just get your attention for a second. Uh,
some of the folks in your parish of mentioned I
(32:58):
don't want to say, complaining that you're you're, you're a
little loose at the at the pulp right the F bombs?
Cann't we talk about the F bombs just for a second. Yeah, sure,
faith and faith and there's another F bomb that apparently
(33:19):
just flying out of you whenever you feel like it,
and in church in front of your congregation. I'm just curious. Nope,
that's not the one we're looking for. Sounds like duck.
Now look, uh, father father Donald, Uh, I think I
think your interview with with the young priest went poorly
(33:39):
because of you. I read because yeah read the transcripts.
We obviously we had this place bugged. You were so
cash with him at top, saying they're not complaints. Uh saying, uh,
he s felt very very You wouldn't you didn't get
to it, you know what I mean? I mean the
problem this guy is saying funk all over the place.
You know, So confrontation. You wanted confrontation. I wanted results.
(34:01):
I wanted results, right, I won't I won't see you
shoot drink other people's beer. Oh God, you're wrong guy,
You fucking idiot, you domb ship. I called you, you
fucking idiot. Go demognize you out about But okay, okay,
(34:23):
are you all right? I know I'm kid went rooms.
My ribs are piercing, the rungs loans are filled up
with blood. Okay, man, that man, make me one wish
you can grant wishes? Make me a wish. I don't
have shooper powers. I'm just a superman. But I'm superman.
What that man? Grammy one wish? You can grant wish?
You my best grammy one wish? Okay, what's your wish?
(34:47):
And you fucking you shut up for every piece of ship.
I'm not granting that wish. Okay, Moses, you burn us
up to this hill. So you know she didn't get
off the pot. I mean she a little something, because
come on, what's going on? Years Ask the Lord whatever
you'd like. Just be orderly, raise your hand and he'll
(35:08):
take your question. I want him to stop, get us
out of his damn desert. It's don't tell me address
him directly. Okay. God's nut, Yeah, it's hot as nut
in this desert. Can you please prove me wrong? God, Yeah,
prove me wrong. Also, like, what's the deal? You know
(35:32):
what I mean? While desert? What are we walking towards? Years?
That's the question? Start it out. Okay um um, it's
been okay um um, it's been a really long time.
It's been thirty years. It feels like we're just walking
in circles around the desert. Uh. You would think after
(35:54):
a certain number of years we would maybe come to
an oasis or a small village or something like that.
So it's kind of named some more places you might
see on the stop names okay um um um um,
like an animal, carcass perhaps, word association, word association, just
jumping off gavel, judge court, um, jail um prison, these
(36:20):
places you see in the desert. What is it? Two years?
It's been two years, everybody, it's been two years. You've
been speaking for two years. Congratulations. Forty years? Is up?
This place to the Promise Lands, Altadena, Altadena, California. Go nuts.
(36:42):
You're away from Egypt. And that has seen to Altadena, California,
a k a. The Promised Land seen three. He's brought
to us today from Patron V I. P. Cutter who
rode High Kevin H fan of you and all the
Alchemists voice time, long time, so thanks for hearing me
(37:05):
out here. I send an email on this one, but
my grammar and typing skills are such dogshit that it
must have sent to directly to spam. Tell Craig, I'm
sorry and I'm learning. Okay, my scene suggestion. The drummer
is late to the gig. Much love to you and all. Connor, Hartford, Connecticut.
I haven't seen him, but umm looking for the drummer
(37:27):
like we could, just like we can't. We could just
get a drum machine. We we hired the band, and
the band calls for the drummer. So do let us
know when your drummer arrives. You're set to go on
at two more right, what are you saying? What are
you sign you can guarantee you can. I'm sorry, sir,
(37:49):
We'll hand to listen, no problem. What We'll see you
in the moment. We'll see you the moment. Yeah, well, yes, sir, yes, yes, yes, sir,
are signing because she's Dumi. We can't lose this gig,
all right. I don't know if we're going to see
the drummer. I don't think. I don't think Gary's coming back.
But here's my thing I want to say, is like
(38:10):
your solution for this is to get a drum machine.
How will we get that in forty minutes? Not a
really good that far away? The Who's gonna go get it?
Who's gonna get pick up the ba? I'll go get it.
You gotta tune your bass because you're always off key. Well,
maybe what I'll do is I'll just play a little
(38:32):
extra slap with my bass, my first off, the first off, Mike, mate,
we all know your Italian. You don't have to do this.
Actually I'm not Italian Italian? Would you please it at Nally? Hey, Karen,
(38:54):
sorry to pull you off the floor here at that
best Buy? Oh no, big deal, man, Harry, talk it
will It is a big deal. And you probably know
what I'm gonna say. Oh no, I'm sady to talk.
You know, I haven't been talking to anybody for a while.
What's up? What's going on? I'm Jim. Part of the issue, Karen.
It's your numbers. You're not moving big equipment. Uh well,
(39:14):
big equipment is kind of hard to move. It is
it is, And I'll give you that, and I'll give
you that. And I've been giving you that for months now.
You know I mean Paul, Paul, he sold a laser maker.
You know what I mean? Yeah? Okay, that is this
what we're talking about. This is what they're talking about
on the news now. Is sexism? Is that what's happening here? Oh? Shit, No, no,
(39:36):
I didn't. I'm i gotta go. You're great. Oh, I
guess you what? Don't want to talk to more, do you? Jim?
I just keep up with good work. Hey, I'm sorry.
I'm just looking for a laser maker. I'm looking for
a thing to make a laser. Oh, we don't have
that here. You don't have that? No, but Paul, I
(40:00):
don't know. Guy might have it. I'm sorry, don't. I
hate to cut it on this, but hold on. I'm
sorry for a laser maker. Hey, buddy, please get the
hell away from me. You're sweating like crazy. Give me
some space. Got I got this one. Tommy. Hey, hey,
hey fella, you're looking for a lazing make What the
(40:20):
fund is going on here? Look? Man, I was you
looking for a lazer maker. I'm looking for some of
that makes a laser. I'll just go on Amazon. Weird
sounds like sexism to me. I don't like sexism. What
I don't know. I just I'm just here on the floor.
But it sounds like sexism, and me want to said
the best buy. That's sexism. I don't understand. I don't know.
(40:43):
I don't know. I mean, maybe you don't know the
definition of sexism, but it sounds like it might be
happening right here. I watched the news. Oh wait, well
I no, no, no, what I wanted. I don't you
know what. Maybe I felt it. I fella, your ship
just got me too. All right, you need to deal
with this right now. All right, I'll buy it. Whatever
you have, I'll buy it, all right. I got this
(41:03):
really nice toaster. Okay, it's a Brevel toaster. You could
take about four pieces of toast at one time, where
you can do two bagels in a sandwich. You'd already.
Uh it's not a big item, but it's put small
and that's my specialty. You want it, I'll take it dollars, okay.
So you have the final thing to make the laser. Alright,
(41:24):
we have this laser. It's going to save the world.
So let's you said you bought it, so put it up,
final cog in the machine to save Earth on tweeting, guys,
Best Buys tweeting right now, it's crazy. Everyone off your phone?
Everyone off your phone? Is this a La lasers laser?
(41:46):
I'm the boss. Why are you telling everyone to get
off the phone. I gotta toaster. I gotta toaster here,
So why don't we just take a second to enjoy
the toaster? If anyone toaster? But where's the laser maker?
We sent you the best buy for I think we
should all have a nice toasted sandwich before we talk
about the laser Well my phone, did you get the
laser maker? I got a toaster, and I think I
(42:11):
think that's good enough. Guys. I know I'm just the
janitor here, but fucking my phone is blowing up for real.
So the Best Buies is knocking on somebody hard and
they're saying they're going to cancel this motherfucker anywhere. He
goes knocking on Heaven Store everybody. Okay, I think the
best thing to be doomed we needed a laser maker?
(42:32):
Well you know what, the earth dast Maybe Earth needs
a crunches sandwich. Let's toast up some buns. Let's get
some cheese on there. Listen joy Hammy. Huh. I think
we all agreed that we want toasted sandwiches, but at
the same time we would like to save earth. Okay,
well you know here how much about questions they did
the toasted subber Remember that yes Twitter handle, whoever's Twitter
(42:57):
handle is uh laser before lazy is just getting fucking rams. Huh.
I think well, look, look, look, look, look, so I'm
just gonna come out about me on that happening best pie,
and I just wanted to tell you all my my
(43:18):
followers before you heard it from me. I want to
be transparent. I'm not a follower. I mean, we're not
your followers. Where your colleagues, and I'm your boss. You're
dead last in the line, yeatorial intern? Yeah right, and
listen as your as your boss, so to speak. I
(43:39):
would urge you to go live right now on what
every social media you have and clear this up. Just
go live. Don't run from it, man, Okay, Okay, let's
go here we go. Uh, let's turn on, let me
turn on whatever part this is, this part of the
laser Well fuck, he's dead. Alright. Look I found somebody
(44:07):
who can be drumming for us, all right. I think
this guy is going to be top notch. I think
he's gonna do the way he's supposed to. Day's drumming
all up, all right, now, just give him a second.
Just you're from Italy, mate, you're from Italy. From really,
why don't you just stopping? I met you Italy. I
don't always see that your Italian were from England. And
(44:30):
what you're doing is offensive, mate, It's offensive to us.
It hurts our feelings. Mate. We've told you this. I
told you it hurts my feelings when you say that,
not for there's anything wrong with being English. Seems like
your tongue is trying to escape from your mouth. I
have a peanut allergy. You've been going to down a
(44:55):
peanut M just introduced the drama. I just checking in
again if you'll find your drummer yet we actually yeah,
so so good? So now yeah, where is he? He's
actually just doing a little dramatic entrance for us. So
he hasn't popped in. He's actually there. He's in the
(45:16):
wah room right now, just about to pop out. Right.
So I stopped by, and you play me like a fool,
like that is that? What? No, no, no, no, he's
in the washing. Yeah right. What's the difference between that
and we haven't found a drummer yet? Well, one is
one is there is no one, and then the other
one is we do have a guy and he's just
in the bathroom, maybe doing any wrong. The answer is nothing,
(45:37):
there's nothing different. You mean no, it's a clear difference.
He said that. Yeah, we have a person, but unless
we're standing in the washer with him at I don't
know who's there, Do I what? He's coming in so hot?
We've got a guy because they're on stage in thirty
one minutes. That's why, I mate, that's the strangest jack
(46:00):
permanence I've ever heard of my life. You need to
see the dealing to see if they're real. It makes
no sense. It doesn't. I'm here, my peepiece in my pants.
You're saying to me that you've got to blog a
drama and he's in the water. Don't tell me that
he actually exists? Does he does? He does? In seven minutes,
(46:23):
he left. It's gonna miss it is. Everyone be quiet
before he comes out. Scare him? Why just speaking Italian? Next?
Don't I said? I trying to scare him flush. It
sounds like he did a water breaker or something in there.
(46:46):
It must be a big old all right, I hit alright, Sorry,
sorry I didn't number two. I want joy he drum,
Oh you're not, year's me. I think it's I think
(47:08):
it's I'm ready to get on there that I emptied
out my bowels. Yes, sounds like you had to do it.
Quite a few flashes in there. Again, it's really seeping fruit.
I mean door, Why don't need to shut the door behind? Now?
Leave it? Help me? I like this snay without drumming,
and it keeps me on me Oh my god. The
(47:29):
smell of your ship keeps you on tempo. Yeah, it
keeps me in you know, it keeps me. It will
libertum in alloyment. Look, we have to just deal with this.
We don't have another drummer. We gotta let small kind
of sleep for the entire venue. George, Ladies and gentlemen,
(47:51):
makes noise the rocking egg, Las and Chapman, we're the reckoning.
Were with the reckoning. He's got COVID. He's got COVID. No, No,
my don't got COVID. It's just a funny ship. Smell show.
(48:14):
Dan fucking hell, what a reckoning for the chefs. I'm
having this show tonight because I laid it all out.
Yeah yeah, Rock, Welcome back to ABC. I witness news
(48:42):
at nine. Another bad piece of news, this bad news
piece of news. Stop laughing. I'm laughing. I'm laughing because
otherwise I'd be crying. Lazes and gentlemen, then cry. That's
(49:03):
better than laughing. Crying is more problem. What happened a
Rock venue? You can read the prompter. Don't make it up,
just read the prompter. Strategy, no silence, no silence us
your word. COVID had a really bad night tonight. Fill
(49:29):
the vomit. Okay, Well, your passport here says Italian, and
it's because that's what I picked up my passport. But
it's not Italian. You can tell him no Italian? What
do you mean? I could tell you now it's telling
(49:50):
and my voice. Syeah, we got one right here. Can
we just get We gotta check this care just bringing
the back, so you're gonna have to come with us.
I've got to wait right alright, great movie, close place. Okay,
it's a media I gotta I think I gotta say okay,
(50:13):
I'm pretty sorry, but I'm in a band, and it's
important that they don't know that I'm really I tell
you know. Holy crap, his penis has got an Italian accent.
Did you hold on a singing? That's crazy? What band? Yeah?
We bandy and little guy. You know what. I'm afraid
that if I say the band's name now, it'll get
(50:36):
back to the don't be afraid. We'd love to hear it.
Oh no, I really do prefer not to say it.
It's the reckoning. Is that? Thank you? Thank you for
making it awkward. Please don't tell them that I'm Italian.
I think I've hit it pretty well. Yeah, yeah, you
hear that, right, he you hear that it happen say
(51:00):
it's so it was so bad? Of course he had
to be Italian. Oh no, we know you're Italian Too's
all right, relax with it. So he's gonna come out
with bathroom. It sticks in there. It's gonna keep us
(51:24):
all on tempo in my base basic. That's our show
friend today, Oh baby, we will try to share with you.
Are happy ending, our happy ending? Man? Oh man, that
(51:45):
was spectacular. That was funny. We had a visual in
the zoom folks that indicated as James was weirdly wrapping
it up, he lost connection and what would did anyone
pick up with that sentence? Sexual he said? Or just
conn Yeah, I think it said good accent. I think
(52:07):
I think it's a number one tech guy. Let's thank
of our alchemist Jackie White. Thank you so much for
coming back with a great joy of ready ready to
do accents whenever I can do a mall. So, yeah,
nine accents. You just listed the number. You didn't list
what they actually were exactly, like to keep it a surprise.
(52:29):
All right, Well cool, Thank you very much. Is there
anything you'd like to plug or mention or more? Folks
can find you? Uh? Yeah, Actually updated my Instagram handle
so it's my real name. You can find me on
Instagram at Jacqueline underscore, j k l y underscore. You
w e h thank you for that. Check her out.
(52:51):
Caroline Connor. Yeah, any close to the driver across the country, huh?
Any closer to driving across the No, I'm still looking
to get into a car and drive across country. So
if anyone has any tips or any ways that I
could get there, yeah, or if they have a car
to car yeah, anybody out there has a car and
(53:12):
wants to uh drive with Caroline across the country right
to us. That your name here at alcim this dot
com and I'm happy to forward those emails to your Caroline.
You can choose, choose your mystery co pilot. Thank you,
Chris Avado as always, thank you, Thank you, Caroline. Don't
just drive to like Santa Barbaraton back. That'll satisfy your
(53:34):
your need for the open road. You don't want to
go do the whole thing. It's not that far the country.
I guess you're right. I guess you're right. Think about it,
think about it. I've heard tell that the drive back
is a little more easy m m. Shorter on the
way back. Yeah, that whole you're going against the rotation.
(53:58):
It's not a five days. It's not five days. It's
more like four and a half. So you've never driven
across the country before, Caroline. I haven't either, anybody in
the group. Yeah twice. I Ain't've done it so many
times I can't count. We're talking coast to coast, right, Well,
I've driven coast to coast before, but typically I only
(54:20):
drive to Chicago from l A, which is how long
does that take you? I just did it a week
ago and it took me a little over three days.
I could go faster if I was riding solo. That's
so fast. Oh that's great. And James, thank you also
(54:43):
for being here, and uh, we look forward to seeing
you again next week. Is anything you want folks to
know about between now and then? Well, I now that
I'm back from my trip, Brief News Brief is going
to be releasing bi weekly episodes Tuesdays and Thursdays, so
you can get that almost anywhere you get podcasts. And
by bi weekly, of course you mean Tuesday and Thursday, right,
(55:08):
He's like fortnight? That is there a different way? Is
that that? With by week? Actually is every other week?
I thought no, it can be both, which is confusing.
I looked this up recently and it says it can
be twice a week or twice a month, which is annoying.
That's the great English language, nothing worse. Joey Greer, Yes,
(55:30):
thank you, sir. You'll let us know when you find
your shoes. You'll know what I know. Well, that's all
I'm asking. You'll know what I know, all right, Jeffy Griever,
let's thank our producer and engineer the stars, Mr Doug Bain. Fine,
folks that I hurt media. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock.
(55:55):
Thank you all right to us to write a review,
be more involved in the show however you would like.
Who would love to hear from you? Right to your
name here, alcove to this dot com. That's your name here,
Welcome to this dot com. Until next time, look out
for each other. Let's have each other's backs. Wear your
masks please. We will get through this, so they say,
until next time,
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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