September 3, 2020 • 65 mins
Superman has a 2nd secret identity, Take 2.
Paranormal hunter goes to cryptozoology school.
Executive board meeting of “Robert’s Rules of Order” club.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of I'll give me this
COVID edition and I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes that yes.
When I was born a half, I do put my
pants during kindergarten orientation tour hex for asking, but I digress.
It's been a rock shalloy in no particular orders. Say
hello to James Cheeney, June, Brad, Jim. I don't think
(00:24):
we've heard how you proposed. Oh my gosh, it was wonderful.
I've got it on video. It was in Sedona, Arizona,
on West Fork Trail. We hiked down. It was the
first time I ever saw it snowing in Arizona. And
at the end there's water that's going on. It's really
(00:44):
funny because it like a ghost to this peak and
there's water, and we're on a rock and there's an
old couple there and I handed her. I talked to
them separately before so that Aaron couldn't hear it, and
I asked the wife of this old couple. I said,
could you make a video of this? Uh, I'm gonna
take And I then out loud, was like, could you
take a picture of my wife? And so we get
(01:04):
posing on this rock with water beside us, and I
pulled the ring out and she's holding it and her
husband's next to her being like, no, you hit record,
you hit record. You gotta take a picture, and she's
like just just just uh. She did take the video.
It turned out good, but the very beginning of it
is the husband of this woman like being like, no, no, no,
(01:26):
you're recording it. They want a picture and you're happy
to post that. You're happy to post that video on
for our Patreon v I P take it? Yeah, absolutely,
I'll take it in there. Um. But yeah, I almost
dropped the ring in the water too. It was it's
it was. It was wonderful. It was so close. I
knew you were the one to ask look out. It's
great kick out. What was one of your favorite childhood books?
(01:47):
And why my favorite childhood book I actually was just
in the house that I grew up in, which is
creepy because my parents are pretty much preserved my bedroom
as I left it in ninth but I was. They
asked me to go through my old books, which I
told them years ago to throw away. They've been trying
to just throw away everything. But my favorite book is
(02:10):
actually the Dolier's Book of Greek Myths, which I learned
a lot about Greek mythology and the illustrations are beautiful
and it's still on the market. You can find it now.
They also did other books on Norse mythology. But if
you're looking to bone up on your Greeks, the Dolers
Book of Greek Myths. And do you remember who turned
you onto that book or was suggested in a class? Uh?
(02:34):
An older male figure. Uh you know what, enough said,
none of my business, None of my business. Yeah, super cool,
Thanks for sharing. Thank you, will be in touch. Caroline
Cotter's here you old time Cotter log Third worst Christmas? Please? Um? Yeah,
(02:56):
so throw that one out. That's number one. Um, I
guess the third worst for me is that one time
my mom forgot to bring like my brother's presence down,
you know what I mean, like the first Center or whatever.
So as we're opening it up, he like didn't have anything.
(03:16):
But for me it was fine. So that is my
third worst, right exactly, you know, thank you for that. Hey,
look at that. It's Chris Alvarado. Puppy Peppy, what are
you watching other than below deck? Um. I'm a part
of a movie club that meets weekly to discuss movies.
(03:37):
So alright, one movie a week. Yeah, yeah, we we
started that. You know that it's always amazing to someone
what movies you haven't seen yet? Right, So Jamie is
just catching up on movies that no one can believe
she hasn't seen, but to experience them first time, you know,
(03:57):
big like shush Ank Redemption, and then you know, it's
really kind of extraordinary. So are you discovering anything that, Yes,
because I haven't seen a lot of movies because frankly
I had I had a rocky child and growing up
certainly did not a lot of just hanging out going
to the movies. It's more like myself. So there, everyone's
always shocked. And by the way, I'm I'm over that
(04:18):
thing where they go you haven't seen this, It's like, no, bitch,
I was breaking into Holmes with my mother anyway. Anyway,
this week's episode is so you want shore drink? That's right,
I live dog check out home alone. That's good. Uh,
And last, but take the cans out. If you think
(04:39):
of least, it's Joey Greer Danny. Your question today was
provided by friend of the show, Jamie Fox, who asked
what kind of pickles do you prefer on your kubana?
Oh okay, yeah, so traditionally you're gonna want you know,
there's the circles, yeah right, and then you want those
(05:00):
pickle changes on there. Yeah, but there I like them
when they're more like sweet pickles. Then there are salty.
You like a sweet zip on your cubin because like
everything else in there, it's just like it's all sodium.
So you know, with the ham and all the other
ship on there, just like not even like you gotta
cut cut salt, cut it. You gotta cut it. All right,
(05:21):
Let's do a damn show. Thank you for sharing. I'm
sure you're done talking. Almost all of our c suggestions
are from listening emails or from our patron v i P. S.
To become a patron support of the show simply and
also have access to exclusive content and other perks, head
on over the patreon dot com slash alchemy. Then submit
a scene suggestion via email. Please write to the podcast
(05:41):
your name here at Alchemy. That's your name here an Alchemy.
This one comes from patron v i P. David W.
Who wrote, thanks for brightening up this dismal and totally
implausible timeline. I don't know how you do what you do,
but keep on doing it. Here a scene suggestion Superman
(06:03):
has a second secret identity. Hey hello, Hello, Hello, do
you want to get apartment? We're all just always at
the ready with our little buzzers. We're always this is
(06:24):
our information. This is Sean Mercer from the landlord. Oh
I got ship? Ship? Is that on fire? What? There's
something on fire? Uh? Well, I know they're I know
they're in there. People have already answered me when I no,
(06:52):
don't answer the door. Get back from the door. Shut
a land Gentlemen's games, gentlemen, I'm just serving a notice here.
You have not been paying rent. And uh this area
is well, it's going to be demolished. So I'm giving
you right now. I think I think if none of
(07:13):
us ever take the paper and read it, they can't
really do anything. Yes, we can. So what's gonna happen?
To hear us? I think you can hear us. Hear
us whispering? Does he have Superhero? This is what's going on? Okay,
you have a hundred days to figure this out? And orphering?
(07:38):
All right, who's y'all seen that movie with Jamie Fox
and Netflix with the with the pill that turns you
into superpowers to see that when it gives you that?
Who's seen that? Anyone's seen that? Anyway? I know the
one where Bradley Cooper unlocks like the rest of his
as a matter of fact, so that one's called limitless
And what are you talking about? And that's that's based
(07:59):
on called called medefanel, and I ordered medefanol illegally from
India recently. It doesn't maybe, but maybe because I got
a package of medaffodel when I ordered vitamins, So maybe
you got my vitamins. Just opened the door. Look there's
a I'm another folder. I'm sliding and inside there are
(08:23):
four pills, each one holding a superpower of unknown quality.
So anyway, I just want I had great Caesar's ghosts,
can't Where have you been? That the biggest story of
all day broken. I've been looking for you all around
the office and you weren't there. Yeah, sorry about the
(08:43):
j J. I was, um, let's say out, you were out.
That's first of all. I'm Perry White. By the way,
I don't know what JJ is. I thought you were
cool with me calling it a j J. I don't
know Perry, Perry, it's me Lois Lane. Yes, I know, Lois,
(09:06):
you've worked You've worked in this office for years. I
need six hundred thousand dollars and a passport to go
to Paris for a story. Okay, you're you're on the
local beat, Lois. I know the story goes all the
way to Paris. Okay, pitch me, pitch me. What's the story?
The story is me going to Paris? I mean the
(09:28):
time of my life. I need seven hundred. Can't you
got a little get a little smudge on your glasses there?
You wouldn't want me to clean them off for you? No? No, no,
no thanks. Uh. I got these glass wipers like great.
I got a special cleanse that I like to do
with the listen. I think the JJ thing might have
come up because I've been talking to another newspaper and uh,
(09:51):
the guy over there, his name is j J. And
I guess what I'm trying to say is I Yeah,
it's the Bugle. So you're you're leaving Metropolis and going
to New York. Yeah, just for a little bit. Uh,
you know, I wanna sort of broaden my horizons, Perry,
(10:12):
and you've been good to me. I appreciate it, but listen, Lois,
I'm not giving you any more myth until you can
pay your past. Phil, don't worry. I can do it. Look,
I just need six hundred pounds of meth and a
train ticket all the way to New Hampshire are trying taking?
(10:33):
Are you naked underneath that trench coat? I'm naked underneath
all my clothes, of course, who isn't. Look I never
do this because I'm a drug dealer. But are you okay?
Oh my god, oh my god, holy shit, holy shit,
(10:55):
shark shark, oh fuck, oh fuck, Superman's Superman. I'm in
trouble Superman. Alright, alright, Mr Kent, you'r this is gonna
be your table over here. Now. I'm sure that's probably
not what you're used to, but we got smaller spaces
here in New York City. Um and uh, everything is
(11:17):
a little tramped. I've noticed. You're not wrong. Oh well,
I mean it's a it's it probably cost more money
per square foot to have this building here in New
York than it does for that RinkyDink little place in
Metropolis anyhow, So okay, um, oh, who's the new guy?
All right? This is Peter Peter and Clark. My name
(11:44):
is Peter John Biondi. Alright, I'm gonna tell you something
right fucking all right, Yeah, I see that guy with it.
That's Peter Paca. He's another Jim ok alright, but I'm
Peter John Banni and around this booking bullpen, I run
the show. Got punch you in the fucking stomach right now.
You want to take a knee move my god, my
(12:06):
om bonus, pook it out of my fucking help up clock.
Look you just you just broke, Peter Chebalonis. I do
a lot of sit ups. It's not that hard. Really,
I can teach you whenever you'd like. Wow, well, you're
gonna be probably the new go to guy. He's always been,
(12:27):
you know, pretty much the boss around this place other
than me. Look, I need help store and Shark's body. Okay,
I just need to place the store out, Okay, Perry
Jesus Lewis, this is this is the third time this month. Okay. Look,
if you weren't such a good lady reporter, uh you
(12:48):
know I this would be the last straw. Your office
has just gone their ship since tent left. The whole
city's all fucked up. And it also feels like Superman's
not been around to help with all this time. Tell
me about it. It's like he's not even doesn't want
to return my calls. You know we dated you you
(13:08):
in Superman? Yeah? Sup? Yeah? What was it like in
bed sweats? Right now? Don't aid my quittion lowest. Alright,
bad guys, it seems like Superman has left the city.
You know what that means. Yeah, we're gonna do bad stuff,
(13:32):
bad stuff, that's right. All right? So what do you
say on the kind of three? We just run amuck
in this city and go a ship up. Alright? I
found out that fun game, Bobby. Can I ask a
real quick question? Yes? Yeah, yeah. Some of the me
and the other funk them ups were talking and we
was thinking about many unionizing. I wanted to get your
(13:55):
your take on that. Yeah, Solomon Grundy want dental benef fence.
All right? Oh, I can't help but take this a
little personal. Well, we believe in your leadership. That's why
I'm coming to here with the whole thing instead of,
you know, an uprising. That's I appreciate that. I appreciate that.
All right, what do you say we go do a
(14:17):
quick spree run the city and uh and I'll think
about it. I'll think about it. That's all we asked.
Solomon Grundy orthodonts. Alright, one to three go get us
keep you out your money? Oh my heart? All right.
(14:40):
I mean I don't know your dental history. From what
I'm seeing here, I have no go to dentists in years.
I can tell the gunner session is disgusting, solomos Sure, sure,
well it looks like you're flossh with barbed wires, filosopher,
barbed wire. Okay, that's the problem. That's the problem with there.
(15:02):
I mean, I look, you're uninsured and this is gonna
cost you. Okay, all right? Can I see the card?
Umund have card and other pants? Oh? Mr Grundy, can
you please come back with the cards so I can
(15:23):
run the insurance. I mean, I know you need braces now,
but this is out of pocket. This is gonna cost
you six That's bad. It is bad, okay, And I'm
not taking money you stole off some people, Okay, I can, Yes,
it is Mr Grundy, Okay, and that's no one to
(15:45):
blame but the voters. Okay, right there, doctor stink pants,
I see what you're up to, Shi Superman, and we
can't stand by for this. Hey, citizen, I understand you
need some braces, Superman, I'm here to help. How about
a doc put some wires on this fucker's face? Are
(16:07):
you threatening me? Superman? Kind of this is weird because
we're feels good. You're on my side. You're trying to
rip off this citizen. Doctor. Where were you you were going? Forever?
You were going for every Now you just come back
here to get some shoes. Huh you just pick up
some running sneakers. Yeah, well I like to run. Wait wait, wait, wait,
(16:32):
wait before you go, before you go, come on, maybe
you can just kid. We talked about this before I
come on? Why are you doing this to me? I
love I mean I enjoy it, believe me, I do.
I just have to stop myself from that need. What's
the need of loving me? Hey, Lois, I was just
in the bedroom, but I kind of hear you guys
out you're doing your things. So maybe I'll just excuse myself. No,
(16:54):
no, no no stick around. I won't be ground. It's a Superman.
Superman trying to Jonathan Superman. I'm sorry, I can't. I
know you told me. Your X was hot, sir, she
described your body in detail. But I don't think I
can compete against Superman. Don't be so tough on yourself.
I'm gonna go. Don't believe you guys, do it. I
(17:16):
was just going you you you stay, Superman stay, Superman,
kill him, kill him, Superman, the fun. Just let me go.
I'm a mayor. Man Man, don't kill me. Kill him, Superman,
kill him, never leave me. That's not how this works.
Slow as we've been over it before. I'm sorry. If
you're in trouble, I'll be going now out this window here.
(17:43):
Fuck what the fuck? My back? I fell on me? Sorry?
Ship ship killing? Can you call one for both guys
entire spying and shut out his ass calling one? I'm
calling that one one. Hello, Hi, this is one? What
(18:08):
is this? Janice? Who this is? Who is this? This
is Bannis? All right, well this better be a real emergency. Yeah. Um,
I did call with the thing. There was a guy,
but it looks like he's fully dead now. Um so
(18:28):
I'm gonna need you to connect me to someone who's
gonna be able to run their smooth, little slippery fingers
around my nasty little feet. Janice Cliff got fired. Okay,
he can't be here anymore. Okay, so how are your hands?
You got soft hands, probably do from sitting behind the
phone all day. You don't have working hands. Oh my god,
Oh my god. It sounds like somebody still needs help.
(18:52):
I can't do anything. Don't do anything. I can't do
anything for them. Now, I'm on, I'm on Ron Harper
and thirty thir I don't know. It's not clear. I
can't tell her. I am alright, bad guys. So okay, um,
here's some information. Superman is back. Okay, okay, he seems
(19:15):
to be helping us out. Bub Bazar or whatever your
name is, dentist Josh. Usually you can still talk. I'm
a really bad curse. Yeah, it was a big deal. Look,
(19:36):
I got I got harassed and I was forced to
uh put those braces into Solomon's mouth by Superman, uh
and come down here. You want us to get him
for you? Well, I mean sure, but I really wanted
to come here and say that the insurance and Solomon
said he had it's not worth going through. It's going through.
(19:57):
It's going through. It's just has it received its Yeah,
So I run, I run the Google calendars. I'm calendar man.
You could just expect some of these things to come
through at the first of the next month. Okay, the
car will be arriving then, and I need everybody here
now that we're bringing it up to fill out the
(20:18):
Google docs to the weekend dentists. What what what does
Superman look like? Was he was he in a secret identity,
a second secret identity or just himself in a cape? Uh?
Just himself in a cape. This guy seems a little
thirsty and normally like this or all the time? All am,
(20:48):
I think they haven't impacted um wisdom. Tooth coming in
in the back, and you just take a look at
it while you're here, sure, norm not just do free consultation,
do it? Wow? Yeah you do? Yeah, you do. Looks
like your fingers. I'm checking. I'm checking. O what are
(21:09):
you talking about? You asked for me to do it.
Didn't know you're gonna put your fingers in my mouth. Okay, look,
let's take back looks tape where she said take a look,
all right, well that look this this is my medical advice.
It looks like there's a small alien burrowing in your tooth,
all right, And it looks like some kind of about
impact wisdom too. You said, there's a little alien there
(21:31):
burrowing into my gums. Yes, okay, Now look if it's
out of pocket, it's gonna cost you somewhere between. All right, cruise,
all right? Dr Who the hell said you can come
down to the bad guy's lair with this crap? Anyway,
you came down here from collection. You have insurance, shouldn't
(21:52):
cost a thing. Oh well, we do have in church.
She said, to wait till next month. My question is
if you guys paid attention to the calendars at US
to come into effect until then, won't be comfort and
and you'll have to wait for the first in order
to get that alien remove. I say we get rid
of Google man, replace him with bing man. He's counting them.
(22:12):
There's no Google man. I don't think anyone said Google.
You had a question. Uh yeah, I was gonna say,
what makes the projected cost double? He said, forty to
eighty thousand dollars? So how the minimum then the max
is double the base projection? Well, I mean I am
(22:37):
giving you the ballpark of what is the best and
worst case scenario. Best case scenario, worst case scenario. But
I just got even high. I just got higher by
fifteen thousand dollars. Yeah. We keep asking the questions. What
do you think is gonna happen for Hey, hey, dr
what's your name? Anyways? A period shyster? Yeah? Eight? Period
are good? Good one, guys? A periodic over here ship?
(23:04):
How about it? What do you say, Google man, Perry Perry, jesus,
what is it now? I need six point two million
dollars hot sport to Belarus and then I need to
train ticket all the way up underground. Pass a passport.
There's no specific passports for different If you have a
(23:24):
US passport, it should be good for Belarus. Alright, Perry Parry,
you don't understand. I have to have this story. It's
breaking news. Okay, what is it? Pitched me on? What's
going on in Belarus? I'm gonna go to Belarus and
at the time of my life he should have stuck
with Barris. Hey, my name's Chuck and I'm an addict. Chuck, Chuck, Uh,
(23:53):
tough couple of months, if I'm being honest, But just
keep on coming back. So that's what we say here
right thirty seconds. It just I mean, I'm just getting
I've had I'm having a tough time, you know, it's
like fift seconds. Well, I'm I'm gathering my thoughts here.
(24:18):
It's important that I share here too. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
time that scene one Everybody Seen two comes up from Becks.
Remember Becks who wrote Becks here. You guys always exceed
(24:40):
my expectations. But these past two months, all of you
have been absolutely killing it, and I love it. I
laughed so hard I was crying with James's Paranormal Hunter character.
My scene, in fact, is to broaden his customer base.
The paranormal Hunter goes to crypto zoology school so he
can officially be quality if I do hunt Bigfoot and
(25:02):
other crypto zoology creatures. Rebecca ps, I swear once I'm
making the big bucks as an attorney, I'll become a
patron subscriber until I hope a five star review. Thank
you certainly does, Becks, and thank you all right now,
just don't listen to that guy, um Lett. Listen up,
(25:27):
get up and get your hand open me. Bigfoot is real, real, students, students,
this is a crypto zoology school, and we take it
for granted that Bigfoot is real. Alright, So I don't
I don't know who he thinks, why he thinks this
is subversive? He does this at the beginning of every class.
(25:49):
What I wanted you to do is staff member here? Yes? Yes, unfortunately,
yes he's he's so charismatic. He is charismatic. Yes, but
he's also where on his slave? He's a janitor's So
does that mean he can't be have charisma? Look I
I yes, absolutely he can have charisma. Both things can
(26:13):
be true. Lewis, please enter my office please, m Yes,
what is it? Well, it just seems like the same
thing happens every year, the janitor busting, and you end
up drowning in your students. How how can we change it? Though?
(26:33):
How can we break the pattern? Well? I think this
very Dean. Did you want to get it on Taco Tuesday? Dean?
Put it on real quick? Can I get you anything?
I'll take a chockolate taco, please, choco taco. How long
has there been a Taco Tuesday? As long as there
have been tacos and Tuesday, I've never been involved. Looks
(26:57):
you're more than welcome to be in both. No one's
hiding this from you. I'll take a chaco taco as well. Now,
what you need to do Lewis's go out into the field.
Take your students out into the field. You're too stuck
in the offices in the books. Be practical. So I'm
saying to go to the Pacific Northwest and search for
a sasquatch myself. Yes, doesn't look for a YETI yes,
(27:22):
or lock nest to find some other creature. Yes. School
will fund all trips with flash the money. Some people
have been saying that that Janitor solved a really difficult
cryptozoology problem that had been on the board for years.
(27:43):
That's so, yes, janitor. Hello, come on what ship? Oh
my god, kiss myself. I'm sorry, What the hell? Man?
What the hell is this just scary? I'm I'm a
first year student here, it's just ten am my god.
(28:04):
I was um, I was in class yesterday when you
bar seeing us about Bigfoot. Uh yeah, and he's real. Yeah,
I'm here to I'm here to wrip my notebook right
in front of you. Oh captain, my captain. I just
(28:24):
I don't need school. I need real life experience, and
you seem flush with it. I mean, if you're talking
about real life, I am that. And I look, there's
something that you can't learn in the school, all right,
and that's learning, all right, you want to learn. I
have a lot of money. We can go anywhere you want.
(28:44):
You know, you know where I want to go see Bigfoot?
I want to go to the Appalachian Mountains. Is that
where Bigfoot is? I don't know. It's where my cousin is.
And he owes me seventy dollars, and buddy, I'm gonna
collect professor, professor, Yes, yes, dear god, what is it? Yes? Well,
(29:08):
I was just here's the real problems. I kind of
just here for the paper, just for the degree and
the certification. Like, I'm pretty sure I know all this
stuff already. It's just that I'm only certified for paranormal
and I feel like, you know, crypto zoology really is
also beyond normal being paranormal. So do I really need
(29:29):
to show up and attend these classes? Look? Look, tell
the other students aren't as advanced as me. Look, this
is a three year program and you are to attend
three years of cryptozoology classes. Look, if you still think
that they're paranormal, then you clearly have a lot of
learning to do. And let's domestics of breaking down and normal,
(29:52):
all right, Okay, it's just that I feel like stuck
in this room, I'm not going to learn anything. I
feel like real learning takes place out in the field.
Oh so we're supposed to go to the Pacific Northwest.
I don't know. You tell me the school where in
this classroom isn't helping? The school is nowhere near any
(30:12):
any known sighting of a Sasquatch. I do, however, have
some plastic casts of some Sasquatch feet. Uh yeah, get
in there, really get a sense of how large it is. Oh,
I feel like I am a Sasquatch. Why do you
feel like your as Sasquatch? Because Sasquatche it's like walking
(30:35):
a mile, But I mean it just pacing right, It's
very fragile. Don't actually put them on your feet, no, ship,
I'm sorry. Um, okay, well listen, bigfoot. I'll tell you what.
I feel like. We made a lot of progress in
our last session. You finally opened up about your sadness
about having never actually been spotted officially. So why don't
(30:59):
we keep going down that? I just want people to
look at me and again, like you can break the
patient doctor confidenttentionality thing. Okay, I want you to tell
people I'm your patient. I want you to tell people
you see me, okay, because you see me and I
know you see me, and by seeing me, it's like
(31:22):
it makes me kind of spiral. I see you, I
absolutely see you. But don't tell me, moll that you
see me. Can I get you some more? I just
need you to take ability for not being seen, because
(31:42):
of your incredible abilities to hide what I want to
be seen. It's a thing. More I try to want
to be seen, the more my natural camouflage comes out.
Tell me about the try to hold it in. I
have a very sense of the nose. Don't worry about it.
Tell me about your last effort to these scenes. Where
(32:04):
did you come Where did you come out? As it were? Um,
I came out. I was in the Pacific Northwest and
I walked out of the forest and I was like, hey, guys,
I'm here. Anyone there? Oh sorry, I'm sorry. I just
(32:24):
know how hard I'm trying to squeeze downstairs the little
rosemary and now one. Yeah, thank you for that. Hey, look,
I mean I'm happy to doing it, kind of cleaning
your knee. But you gotta tell me what this is
in the rug because I gotta know where it came
from and how to clean it. Understand, say it's animal
in nature, what difference does it make? What kind of
(32:46):
look like? Got hair in here that looks like a dog?
I got the size of the poop looks like a
big human? Right, I mean what am I the dog?
The dog is huge? So what else can I tell you?
You got a big old dog? Look, I mean looking
at the foot and and share on the ruck. The
dog has a big feet, like the dog's nickname if
you want to know big foot. Happy. Now, I've noticed
(33:11):
you haven't been in class for a while. What happened
to you? I thought you were really into crypture zoology,
just like everybody in the class. Um. Oh no, I
just feel like there's a few different students learning on. Hey,
stop being so weird to her. I know you like, No,
(33:35):
this is not I said, No, I don't see you
in a romantic way, but we can still talk together
as friends. Okay, I'm not I'm not pursuing that anymore.
I took the note and took the note. I'm just
saying you haven't been in class. You haven't been in
class either. We're it's weird. You walked up to my
dorm room as that I'm los Lane. I just heard
(33:56):
there was a breaking story. Let's go with this creep
ass or No, I'm not, thank you, thank you for
being honest. He's just really insistent and he won't take
no for an answer. But I can spend this story
that he's a drug deither. That's what I'm gonna do.
He's a big old drug dealer. No, I'm studying crypto zoology. Listen.
(34:16):
I think if there's any stories that these guys have
been hanging out with the with the creepy old janitor
at the schools not, I wasn't gonna say. It's not creepy.
He's very smart. It sounds like you guys have been brainwashed.
It's that what is that Stockholm syndrome. It sounds like
you're just really jealous about being kicked out of there,
like kind of core friend group, and you're just trying
to else. And it sounds like you're also kind of classes.
(34:40):
Just because as a janitor doesn't mean that he's like
a creepy old guy or his things aren't smart or interesting.
It's just that I'm paying good money to go to
this university and you guys aren't even showing up. I'm
crying because I really care about this stuff, and you
guys are getting in education. And now he came into
my office to complain about other students not hanging out
(35:03):
with you. Is that correct? Yeah, you don't understand. It's
not just that they don't hang out with me, it's
that I can't hang out with them. You see what
I'm saying. So they're excluding you from their group. They're
learning something that's like even It's like they got a
what you would call an accelerated class, and I'm not invited.
They're in an accelerated program, and it means they've earned that. No,
(35:26):
they didn't. They're hanging out with the janitor, and I'm
stuck in the classroom looking at pictures and and fake
feet that I have to pay for breaking a fake foot.
I want to be out for breaking. Did you break?
I'm named for it. I didn't realize that this is
an artifact. Idiot. Oh my god, oh my god, take
(35:47):
me take me right now. Wouldn't take me to where
you broke it? Take me ta take me take professor. Okay, fine, professor,
I've brought the tean. Now, God, what what are you doing?
What are you doing here? I heard something? This is
my classroom, this but this is my school, this is
my classroom notes on this. Sorry, I'm in the middle
(36:10):
of the class right now. What what what is it?
He said that something was broken maybe not a fact
of a big foot one of its feet. Yes, a
bigfoot's big foot was broken in half. My god, I
paid for it. It doesn't matter if you paid for it.
It's priceless, idiot, it's not priceless. We valued it about
(36:30):
two thousand dollars and he paid me that amount. Yes,
he paid me, and I'm going to use it to
take the class on a field trip, a field trip
for the first time ever. We're going to the affiliation.
That was my idea, Lewis piece of shit. Yeah yeah, professor,
(36:51):
you told you told us last week that he said
he wud paid for any expedition we don't want to
go on. Yes, yes, I did said, And you, sir
held Taco Tuesday from me for years. Baha ba No,
I did not, don't tell that. I'm trying to write
(37:14):
that down. CEO. Are you the professor that brought the
students for the big foot hunt today? Yes, I am right,
So what time of your students do here? And do
they have a complete understanding as to what it is
we'll be doing. They're do here at two pm? Right, Um,
(37:35):
that's about ten minutes from man, go ahead, about ten
minutes from now. Yes, I we parked the bus uh
in the in the visitors center, and I ran ahead
ten minutes of them and talk to you. We need
some extra time, get enough the bus. Did they Yes?
They did, right. They're not the sort I understand. How
many of them will there be? There are four? I've
(37:59):
got you written down here for sign oh one of
them goad lives. Big guys, I'm telling you, let's follow
the janitor. Fuck the professor. The janitor is the real professor. Anyway, cousin,
I'm gonna get that seventy dollars. I'll tell you that
right now. Okay, Yeah, I'm down to follow him. That
(38:23):
sounds really good. That sounds promising. Seventy dollars from a cousin.
Next step, bigfoot. That's what I'm saying. By the way,
this is like a cool friendship. I like this. You
don't have to keep with you just because guys, I'm
not going to date anyone Okay. Now, I want to
be a nun when I'm older. I told you guys that,
(38:43):
so I can't date now with with This is remarkable.
Not only the Sasquatch is just walking about. They yeah,
they're yelling out Bigfoot. I made the mistake all along
and thinking they were in the Pacific Northwest. Why didn't
I just go to the apper Agians. Yeah, they're kind
of everywhere. You know, you just gotta call out their
(39:05):
name and they come. You know, most of them want
to be seen. That's the misnomer. It smells terrible here. Yep.
They do have a gas problem on the rig, so
you gotta have to work past that. I got a
little gum you can put underneath your your nostrils. There,
a little good there you go boarding past please big no,
(39:30):
not that woman just go slipped right in front of me.
She went under my legs. You can take her. You
can take her first. Okay, man, this is CBS. This
is a CBS receiver. I need to get to Thailand immediately.
It says here you bought uh allergy medication. I don't listen.
(39:54):
This is this won't get you on the flight. I'm
so sorry. It shouldn't it shouldn't, but this should. I
need to get to Thailand. Put put your breast away, ma'am,
put your breast away, sir, Mr foote um, yeah, first
and last numever the same big Foot, big Foot? Okay,
big Foot, big Foot. Okay. I'm enjoy your flight. Thank you,
enjoy the APPO. I thought you were you know, how
(40:22):
did you know that's where I was going? Well, I
mean you're landing in this particular airport which is near
that area. Yeah, that place, but that you said is
different from that airport that I'm landing in. I need
to get to Thailand. This plane has to go to Thailand. Ma'am.
Your nose is bleeding everywhere. Well maybe because I can't cry. Okay,
(40:46):
just get on the flight. They go ahead, Just go
just yes, now boarding C group group seen to oh
baby seen three. Mr patron v I P. Karen, who wrote, Hey, y'all,
(41:12):
I have a suggestion for a scene the executive board
meeting of a Robert's Rules of Order club, and if
you can find an opportunity to bring up hash Browns,
you get double points. Thanks for continuing to make me
laugh out loud at inappropriate times, Karen, No, I mean
I think in general called order, any kind of any
(41:34):
kind of siding, any kind of siding you put in
the meeting called order, because it's always you don't know. Yeah,
come on, get both of us in trouble. I know,
I'm just sayings of paper, a piece of paper. Sorry, sorry,
interrupt your private meeting. Back there, Tim, do you want
to start with last week's minutes? Okay, I'll start with
(41:58):
last six minutes. Um, honestly some of my minutes or
it's just I'm trial, is it it? Tim's minutes? It's
my favorite part of the meeting. I'm just down. I
hate to be He keeps talking through all the meetings,
and I can't pay attention in my minutes from this
(42:19):
that I'm supposed to read from last week or not good,
they're not thorough. I acknowledge that, Tim. Thank you. Steve.
Did you have something you wanted to say to everyone
or just to lowest? Not at all? Okay? Thanks? Alright,
with that's it for all business. We'll move on to
new business, certain kind of installations. I don't mean to
be a tattle tale, but he's doing it right now.
(42:39):
He's doing right now. Robert. I hear you attempt Steve.
What the complete and total funk man? What's going on? Nothing? Okay,
my mistake. Alright, So for a new business, I believe Carl,
you wanted to bring something to the group's understanding. Is
that right, Carl? Yes, point of order. Phone right, it's
(43:01):
not phone what you're looking for. It's a certain kind
of insulation. That's I don't need to buy your insulation.
I don't care that you're starting your own business. I'm
not interested. Okay, So just stop quick, okay, rising and
addressing the chair? Is he in addressing? I'm just saying,
if you know anyone who's looking stating the motion for insulation,
(43:23):
that might be something you know people do. Yes? Can
I switch seats because I can't sit between these two
right now? Can I sit next to you? Robert? Can
I sit next to you? Do you mind if I
move my chair? Yeah? Robert has been listening to podcasts
(43:51):
this whole time. He has everyone's on and he's like
laughing and listening to podcasts during the meet. All right,
all right, I'll be serious here for a second. Do
you know how funny and yet personal David Sedaris can
be as a storyteller? Anyone in your neighbor, please stop
(44:12):
talking to me. I want to go back to point
of order and see if I can get a second
before we hear anymore about David Sadaris. Maybe we'll put
table that under new business. A second on a port
of order. Second second, thank you, second, al right, point
of order, you have the floor. Um, I thought you
(44:34):
just wanted to vote on it, so I was seconding it.
I don't have anything prepared. All in favorite point of
voters say I all against I order, Roberts. These are
your rules, Robert. We're doing this because of you. Thank you,
Thank you, and we'll get through it as quickly as
(44:55):
we can. Is gonna be coming soon, and it's easier
to get it now. No one's gonna be able to
get in there. I already have it insulated. I already
haven't done. Your neighbors, your family, your friends. You're so annoying.
Maybe maybe I would have considered it in the beginning,
but now since you've been so annoying, I didn't hear
(45:18):
what the question was. I didn't hear what the question was.
All right, No, those opposts say no, no, uh, I'm
gonna resign. I have to resign my position on the board.
I can't. I am taking this name. Is that a
point of order? Hey? Baby, how's your day? Home? Early?
(45:40):
It wasn't good? Thank you? Talk to me, talk to well.
I I resigned. I resigned today. I just I couldn't
concentrate and I couldn't give the board what they deserve. Yeah,
are you okay? You just? You were really going at
(46:02):
my foot right now? So I just, I'm just I
had to give up my position of the board, which
probably goes how you're hurting my foot? Okay, let me kissie, kissie, kissie.
Think so you've been you've been touching your lips to
my foot. I don't want to. I haven't been drinking
(46:23):
you Oh you Oh I didn't even say that, but
you smell like booze. What did you say? I said,
I resigned today, and we're not going to have benefits
when you're gone all day. I drink all day. Oh
my god. I should probably go back to the board meeting,
I think, I, Hey, buddy, how are you man? A
long time? No? See, the board has been going nuts
(46:43):
since you've been gone. But I'm totally happy to look
up for the application. We've been doing installation for a
couple of houses. Now, a little side hustle in mind
all that I know yet, right, so that shouldn't be
too hard to kind of get. I didn't want to
get involved with the side hustle. I want to get
back on the bo I made a mistake for signing. Well,
if you want to get back on the board, I'm
(47:04):
gonna have to take a look at your resume, and
you're probably gonna have to take a job. Is one
of my installers. I was a board member for seven years.
I sat next to you. You know my resume because
seven years if it was being a partner with you, yeah,
well guess when you shout all that around the corner
when you resigned. Okay, no funk with me. I know
(47:24):
you need this ship. I do need this. Listen to
me right now. I'm not scared of you anymore. Do
you understand? Yes, I understand? How right I need to do?
You want to say you need to go out there.
You need the door knock, okay, and you need to
find out who needs installs of installation back on the
board and I'll ask people if they need no. No, no, no,
(47:46):
no no no. Okay, you go out there now, when
you do that and when I see that you were
an earner. Yeah, I think I'm good. I got I
get the insallation done a couple of years ago. So okay, okay, okay,
but you know that, well, I should come inside and
(48:07):
check your insulation because if it's a couple of years old,
over that just like it's fiber clush, just like kind
of crumbles. Is there somebody that's calling for help in
your apartment? I don't know. Let's let's listen for a second,
see if there is. I don't hear anything, so there,
I mean, I mean, even though i'm talking, there's I
(48:31):
didn't hear anything. So I just give it a couple
of seconds. Okay, I'm giving it a couple of seconds.
I'm really not hearing. I'm gonna have to come into
your Thank you for coming. Hey, I'm gonna have to
come into your Let me hear if there's somebody that
needs help call out now, okay, I do your psychic.
(48:51):
I'm a psychic. I hear something, and it's despite the
fact that you've got heavy insulation, hearing muffled cries for help.
I got really heavy insulation. I've heard that part too.
Somebody's in here that was not you, Okay, fair, that
might have been. It sounded like it came from from
(49:13):
over there. I don't think I need insulation. I think
everything everything's sign in my apartment. Why well, because you're
on my cold call, a list of people that perhaps
need insulation. Um, why don't I come in and check
your walls to see if they feel warm or cold? Okay,
(49:35):
it's gonna take you out that you called me, um,
but sure, just over Actually, good news for you. I've
pulled up out front. I'll just think that's goodness. Come on,
come on in. Sorry for the mess. It's just this
(49:59):
looks like you're a order. I'm not churching. No, I'm
not a horrid or. These newspapers are where I work.
These are all my These are all the newspaper articles
I wrote. Okay, so I just take a second to
kind of go through that. They are pretty creeping up
all over the Oh my god, here's shark. Oh my god,
I almost forgot it. Oh my god, Oh my god,
this is stead body. Oh my god, disgust to get
(50:20):
rid of this supern go help me, miss lane, Miss Lane,
there's a dead body in your floor. We've got a call.
We've got a call. I guess the cops. I'm trying
to call super and you fucking idiot. We you said, Dave,
stupid fuck a man hasn't been around in a long
(50:40):
long time. He's not coming for this. Okay, we got
a call. Get the wordies, oh my, because you have to.
There's a dead body in miss Lane's hang on, hang up,
hold on one second. I must I'll buy new instant
Asian by new installation, will put shark inside Instlation. Actually
(51:03):
my mistake. Goodbye, Okay, I got that. I heard that.
He just needs you to sign this here. Uh, Larry,
what's up? What's up? What are you decking off? Yeah?
I actually was, and you just ruined it. I was
just about this, you know, grand finale. Oh listen, we
(51:30):
got a weird call. What do you mean? Hell yeah,
I think you should head over to the lanes house now, Yeah,
I mean, got a weird call and then somebody hung up.
But they always said was lane. But there's only one
lane in this area, right, it's gonna be lowest. She's
(51:51):
a fine, fine, fine fine. Put my hog in my parents.
I'm on my way, al right, I sold it since
I sold some insulation, let me back in that board meeting.
I hear that it's going on right now. Let me
(52:11):
in there. They're voting right now. One day. Okay, that
looks pretty LEGiT's pretty legit. Okay, okay, you know what.
Not too bad, dude, you're a pretty good earner. You're
a pretty good thank you. You know what. Maybe I'll
do this one more, the final piece of resistance, if
you will what I need you to get the ultimate grab.
(52:35):
I needed to find me a biggie footie. They don't
even exist. You're making impossible tasks for me. If you
can't do this, and I guess you shouldn't be on
the board. Fine, I'll find a big foot a biggie footy. Oh,
I guess I'm not even familiar. Good luck. I gotta
(53:00):
get back in that board meeting. Baby, what are you doing? Hoh?
How are you packing? And I'm trying to go back
to the job because this is clearly like you are
a spiraling mess right here, and I'm clearly the only
thing keeping us afloat. My friends need huh, what what
(53:21):
did you say? What did you say? It sounds weirder
than when I said I need a biggie footy. I
said my friend of a friend coming home a woman.
What's the big deal? Who's a big well a biggie footy.
I believe it is probably a some sort of a
genetic similarity. Bigots question any type thing? Yeah, um, are
(53:48):
you okay? No? No, I haven't been looking for a
long time. I'm like you said, I'm sorry, baby, did
you get the Yellow Pages out? I need to cast somebody?
Of course, crypto it's you don't use, you don't want
to use being I that that search ansion is busted.
It's broken. It never worked in the first place. Okay,
(54:09):
yellow Pages is how I do all my searches. Okay, hey,
when Lois comes, when you leave, I guess so it's
all right. Okay, how are you doing? Big Foot company?
How you doing? How can I help you? Hi? I
was wondering if you are familiar? You were the first
(54:30):
thing that came up with uh in the area? Are you?
Can you confirm biggie footy the same as big Foot?
Order up? Hold on a second, alright, get that order.
I'm sorry. Is this a dog place or is this
a crypto zoology place? It's a football hot dog place?
All right? Okay, I clearly made the wrong call. I
(54:52):
need to I need to call somebody. I'll thank you
for your time. Oh are you man? Story up? My hog?
Knock on my parents and I turned me on all
of our guns. I started from florry. You gotta get
over to Lane's house. It's gonna be in trouble still.
(55:13):
I don't bout the time to done with this here,
sort it out. I mean maybe so or maybe she's
got a dead body in her place. We don't know.
Go check it out. Fine, I'm on my way. We're friends,
I don't know for friends if you have to keep
signing off every time by saying we're friends. Friend, Okay, acquaintance,
(55:38):
big Foot tile? How can I help you? I'm wondering
if you could. Uh, this might be a stretch, but
could you confirm that Biggie Footy is the same as
big Foot in reference to the crypto zoo genetic creature.
I hold on and say, is that order up? What up? Um? Sorry?
(56:03):
Is this? What kind of what kind of transaction are
you making over there? We make tiles? Forts here com
in lois you know my husband's cant to some come here?
Wait a second, I know your husband. Yeah, you fucking
(56:25):
extorted my ass fucking made me pee. But all this
guy dad money. So for fucking installation, Larry, where you
at anchoring the door? And now dot name horn on
the front scoop? No, I hope no guns out. I
(56:47):
don't know what the hell is going on. It looks
like that that cop is just rubbing on his jump.
What the fund is going on? I don't think that Lois,
what the hell is this story? I I give you
a year to work this expose of the insulation, Biss.
It's crazy because deeper than I thought, I'm gonna need
(57:07):
sixty billion dollars. I gave you a year. I gave
you a year. You you wrote me like a paragraph
of scribblings. Here. I'm gonna need several passports, all of
them with different faces and different names. I'm gonna need
to burrow deep, deep underground so I can live with
the brokers. Lois, you're fired, Okay, try the bugle, Try
(57:29):
the bugle, Try Jamison. You're you're You're not welcome here anymore. Perry,
what the fuck Perry? Are you serious? Look? Crime crime
was rampant for a while, but ever since those bad
guys got healthcare, they you know, they've they've they've been
in a good mood. You know they're working together with Superman.
You know, there's just not as much. Don't you bring
(57:52):
him up? You bring his name up. Well, I'm sorry, Lois,
but I mean he was the one superhero we add
in Metropolis. He was Clark Kent. Okay, is that the
story you wanted? Superman was Clark Kent? Yes, he was Superman. Yes, yes,
Look I just hired this new reporter. He's wearing a
(58:15):
pair of horn rimmed glasses over another pair of horn
ram glasses. His name is is Cark Clint, and you're
gonna be working together with him on some of these
Google stories, Like says hello, Lois Cark. That's right, Cark,
(58:38):
how do you see through both of those pairs of glasses?
It takes some adjusting. Nice to meet you, is it, Lewis.
It's Lois Lois Lane. Oh my god, you're so beautiful.
You know. I'm I don't know if I'm gonna have
time to have a relationship. I just got to rehired,
and I need to focus on my work very fast.
(59:00):
What was it I think? Okay, Perry, I got a
new story I need your help with. Please where you
gotta go this time, mois Well, I'm gonna have to
go to Atlantis, so I need several submarines Atlanta. That's good,
that's a that's a delta hub Atlantis. Oh no, excuse me,
Perry Mary. There's a gentleman here, he says, is an
(59:22):
appointment with you. His name is Bigfoot. First name Bigfoot,
last name big Foot. It seems strange, but he's here.
Is he a biggie foot? I mean, from what I
can tell, I don't know. Should I send him in?
Speaking of which, I want a biggi foot for lunch. Yes, yes, okay, okay, yeah,
I'll make that quarter sir or whatever, ma'am, you can
(59:44):
come on this way. M h um. I just thought
you'd be interested to see me. Great season's ghost. What
does that smell? I'm so sorry. I'm I'm vegetable and tolerant,
and I've been eating a lot of vegetables, kind of shrubs.
(01:00:06):
It's all he can find, and so kind of stuff
just rockets out of my ass and I try to
hold it in. Okay, look, do you want a picture?
Do you want to put it? No, I'm just a
big foot. I'm not a big foot. Biggie foot Okay,
I can see that now you're not a biggie footy. Uh?
Are you? You're pitching a story from me? Are you
you want a job? No? I thought I would be
(01:00:26):
the story. I thought, all right, you son of a bitch,
I've brought you a biggie footie which turns out to
just be a foot long hot dog, you asshole. Let
me in the board meeting and enjoy you finally did it.
But if to let you in, they got a vote
on it. We got a vote on the floor whether
(01:00:49):
or not to let in. Uh, what's the name here?
I can't read this. I was in there for seven years.
Oh ship, Sorry? Sorry? Tim? Whether let Tim back in
the meeting? I thought it, said Jim, so I ran
when he was shut. If you keep talking to me
about this, I'm gonna lose my fucking mind. I do
(01:01:10):
not want that favor. It's a bigger earn for me.
Shut all right, motion carries back. Oh thank god, I
made a mistake resigning. The mistake might have been ours.
(01:01:35):
Sorry about that, Tim, Welcome back, all right? Any other
new business before we call it a day? No, I think, um,
I think, David said Darius is like, shut up, shut up.
I don't want to bind insolation. You sent Tim to
my house. I don't care about podcasts either, guys, shut up.
(01:01:58):
I'm trying to pay attention. I have no idea what
we do in this industry because you guys have been
talking to me the whole time, the whole ten years.
I've been doing this, Calypso what al right, So I'll
in favor of reading the Sadarius new book, say I,
I yeah, I just have it. We'll be reading the
(01:02:19):
new Sadarus book. Thank you for bringing that to our attention.
That's lunch lunch club, right, We're just a club. That's
our show for today. We seemed like so much more
than a club. I want to thank alliveram starting with
Caroline Cotter, who we can't wait to hear about from
the road and she travels across this once great country
(01:02:43):
of ours. Caroline, good luck out there, damn it. Thank you. Thanks,
I guess can wait. Please keep us a breast all right,
appreciate it. And Craig, you'll be sending over some a
couple of helpful hints for Caroline, I trust. Yeah. No,
(01:03:03):
no fish or dairy based products again, that's not what
I meant by you'll send over, but thank you for that.
Chris Alvarado, thank you so much, buddy. Great to see you,
great to have be seen. Please take care of yourself
and your family. I'll try. James Heeney, thanks for thanks
(01:03:26):
for everything really and also thanks Boat Games who has
said that, uh we have. Basically, I'm now gonna advertise
for another podcast, love the show. Years of listening to
Paula Tompkins, it's great to see another improv group that
performs at the same caliber. All Hail Dynasty Typewriter. Next
time in l A. After this crap is over, I'm
(01:03:48):
gonna be a point to see It's it's gonna be
a point to see a live show. Keep up the
great work. Roman see written about a year ago. I
take it. No, just actually just a couple of days ago.
I don't. It must be I don't. I don't know why.
Maybe they're catching up on older episodes, which is why
they're saying all Hill Dynasty Typewriter lovely. Well that's helpful, uh.
(01:04:15):
Joey Greer, thank you as well. Thank you, and please
also send over any helpful hints to Caroline. I know
you've driven across this great land of ours. Several times
I will say this was given to me a little
nugget of info, which is, as you're traveling, you're looking
for places to stay like air look at Airbnb, like
(01:04:35):
little spots along the way, and so if you don't
want to do hotels and see the places that have
have been vacant for like, maybe it a week or
two before you get there, and then you know again,
this is not what I meant. Sorry, Caroline, when I
asked Uh the Alchemist to send over information right now, right,
send it over right now, just blurt it out Sunday, Sunday.
(01:04:59):
And if you have any helpful hints for Caroline along
her way, please write to us your name here at
ALcom dot com. That's your name here. Let's thank our
prusing gin to the stars. Be but fine folks that
I heart media. Fump pump fum. I mean, how's come
follo you minding? Please wear a mask? Would you go
(01:05:20):
outside and be kind to each other? Damn it? Until
next time,
Welcome back to another episode of I'll give me this
COVID edition and I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes that yes.
When I was born a half, I do put my
pants during kindergarten orientation tour hex for asking, but I digress.
It's been a rock shalloy in no particular orders. Say
hello to James Cheeney, June, Brad, Jim. I don't think
(00:24):
we've heard how you proposed. Oh my gosh, it was wonderful.
I've got it on video. It was in Sedona, Arizona,
on West Fork Trail. We hiked down. It was the
first time I ever saw it snowing in Arizona. And
at the end there's water that's going on. It's really
(00:44):
funny because it like a ghost to this peak and
there's water, and we're on a rock and there's an
old couple there and I handed her. I talked to
them separately before so that Aaron couldn't hear it, and
I asked the wife of this old couple. I said,
could you make a video of this? Uh, I'm gonna
take And I then out loud, was like, could you
take a picture of my wife? And so we get
(01:04):
posing on this rock with water beside us, and I
pulled the ring out and she's holding it and her
husband's next to her being like, no, you hit record,
you hit record. You gotta take a picture, and she's
like just just just uh. She did take the video.
It turned out good, but the very beginning of it
is the husband of this woman like being like, no, no, no,
(01:26):
you're recording it. They want a picture and you're happy
to post that. You're happy to post that video on
for our Patreon v I P take it? Yeah, absolutely,
I'll take it in there. Um. But yeah, I almost
dropped the ring in the water too. It was it's
it was. It was wonderful. It was so close. I
knew you were the one to ask look out. It's
great kick out. What was one of your favorite childhood books?
(01:47):
And why my favorite childhood book I actually was just
in the house that I grew up in, which is
creepy because my parents are pretty much preserved my bedroom
as I left it in ninth but I was. They
asked me to go through my old books, which I
told them years ago to throw away. They've been trying
to just throw away everything. But my favorite book is
(02:10):
actually the Dolier's Book of Greek Myths, which I learned
a lot about Greek mythology and the illustrations are beautiful
and it's still on the market. You can find it now.
They also did other books on Norse mythology. But if
you're looking to bone up on your Greeks, the Dolers
Book of Greek Myths. And do you remember who turned
you onto that book or was suggested in a class? Uh?
(02:34):
An older male figure. Uh you know what, enough said,
none of my business, None of my business. Yeah, super cool,
Thanks for sharing. Thank you, will be in touch. Caroline
Cotter's here you old time Cotter log Third worst Christmas? Please? Um? Yeah,
(02:56):
so throw that one out. That's number one. Um, I
guess the third worst for me is that one time
my mom forgot to bring like my brother's presence down,
you know what I mean, like the first Center or whatever.
So as we're opening it up, he like didn't have anything.
(03:16):
But for me it was fine. So that is my
third worst, right exactly, you know, thank you for that. Hey,
look at that. It's Chris Alvarado. Puppy Peppy, what are
you watching other than below deck? Um. I'm a part
of a movie club that meets weekly to discuss movies.
(03:37):
So alright, one movie a week. Yeah, yeah, we we
started that. You know that it's always amazing to someone
what movies you haven't seen yet? Right, So Jamie is
just catching up on movies that no one can believe
she hasn't seen, but to experience them first time, you know,
(03:57):
big like shush Ank Redemption, and then you know, it's
really kind of extraordinary. So are you discovering anything that, Yes,
because I haven't seen a lot of movies because frankly
I had I had a rocky child and growing up
certainly did not a lot of just hanging out going
to the movies. It's more like myself. So there, everyone's
always shocked. And by the way, I'm I'm over that
(04:18):
thing where they go you haven't seen this, It's like, no, bitch,
I was breaking into Holmes with my mother anyway. Anyway,
this week's episode is so you want shore drink? That's right,
I live dog check out home alone. That's good. Uh,
And last, but take the cans out. If you think
(04:39):
of least, it's Joey Greer Danny. Your question today was
provided by friend of the show, Jamie Fox, who asked
what kind of pickles do you prefer on your kubana?
Oh okay, yeah, so traditionally you're gonna want you know,
there's the circles, yeah right, and then you want those
(05:00):
pickle changes on there. Yeah, but there I like them
when they're more like sweet pickles. Then there are salty.
You like a sweet zip on your cubin because like
everything else in there, it's just like it's all sodium.
So you know, with the ham and all the other
ship on there, just like not even like you gotta
cut cut salt, cut it. You gotta cut it. All right,
(05:21):
Let's do a damn show. Thank you for sharing. I'm
sure you're done talking. Almost all of our c suggestions
are from listening emails or from our patron v i P. S.
To become a patron support of the show simply and
also have access to exclusive content and other perks, head
on over the patreon dot com slash alchemy. Then submit
a scene suggestion via email. Please write to the podcast
(05:41):
your name here at Alchemy. That's your name here an Alchemy.
This one comes from patron v i P. David W.
Who wrote, thanks for brightening up this dismal and totally
implausible timeline. I don't know how you do what you do,
but keep on doing it. Here a scene suggestion Superman
(06:03):
has a second secret identity. Hey hello, Hello, Hello, do
you want to get apartment? We're all just always at
the ready with our little buzzers. We're always this is
(06:24):
our information. This is Sean Mercer from the landlord. Oh
I got ship? Ship? Is that on fire? What? There's
something on fire? Uh? Well, I know they're I know
they're in there. People have already answered me when I no,
(06:52):
don't answer the door. Get back from the door. Shut
a land Gentlemen's games, gentlemen, I'm just serving a notice here.
You have not been paying rent. And uh this area
is well, it's going to be demolished. So I'm giving
you right now. I think I think if none of
(07:13):
us ever take the paper and read it, they can't
really do anything. Yes, we can. So what's gonna happen?
To hear us? I think you can hear us. Hear
us whispering? Does he have Superhero? This is what's going on? Okay,
you have a hundred days to figure this out? And orphering?
(07:38):
All right, who's y'all seen that movie with Jamie Fox
and Netflix with the with the pill that turns you
into superpowers to see that when it gives you that?
Who's seen that? Anyone's seen that? Anyway? I know the
one where Bradley Cooper unlocks like the rest of his
as a matter of fact, so that one's called limitless
And what are you talking about? And that's that's based
(07:59):
on called called medefanel, and I ordered medefanol illegally from
India recently. It doesn't maybe, but maybe because I got
a package of medaffodel when I ordered vitamins, So maybe
you got my vitamins. Just opened the door. Look there's
a I'm another folder. I'm sliding and inside there are
(08:23):
four pills, each one holding a superpower of unknown quality.
So anyway, I just want I had great Caesar's ghosts,
can't Where have you been? That the biggest story of
all day broken. I've been looking for you all around
the office and you weren't there. Yeah, sorry about the
(08:43):
j J. I was, um, let's say out, you were out.
That's first of all. I'm Perry White. By the way,
I don't know what JJ is. I thought you were
cool with me calling it a j J. I don't
know Perry, Perry, it's me Lois Lane. Yes, I know, Lois,
(09:06):
you've worked You've worked in this office for years. I
need six hundred thousand dollars and a passport to go
to Paris for a story. Okay, you're you're on the
local beat, Lois. I know the story goes all the
way to Paris. Okay, pitch me, pitch me. What's the story?
The story is me going to Paris? I mean the
(09:28):
time of my life. I need seven hundred. Can't you
got a little get a little smudge on your glasses there?
You wouldn't want me to clean them off for you? No? No, no,
no thanks. Uh. I got these glass wipers like great.
I got a special cleanse that I like to do
with the listen. I think the JJ thing might have
come up because I've been talking to another newspaper and uh,
(09:51):
the guy over there, his name is j J. And
I guess what I'm trying to say is I Yeah,
it's the Bugle. So you're you're leaving Metropolis and going
to New York. Yeah, just for a little bit. Uh,
you know, I wanna sort of broaden my horizons, Perry,
(10:12):
and you've been good to me. I appreciate it, but listen, Lois,
I'm not giving you any more myth until you can
pay your past. Phil, don't worry. I can do it. Look,
I just need six hundred pounds of meth and a
train ticket all the way to New Hampshire are trying taking?
(10:33):
Are you naked underneath that trench coat? I'm naked underneath
all my clothes, of course, who isn't. Look I never
do this because I'm a drug dealer. But are you okay?
Oh my god, oh my god, holy shit, holy shit,
(10:55):
shark shark, oh fuck, oh fuck, Superman's Superman. I'm in
trouble Superman. Alright, alright, Mr Kent, you'r this is gonna
be your table over here. Now. I'm sure that's probably
not what you're used to, but we got smaller spaces
here in New York City. Um and uh, everything is
(11:17):
a little tramped. I've noticed. You're not wrong. Oh well,
I mean it's a it's it probably cost more money
per square foot to have this building here in New
York than it does for that RinkyDink little place in
Metropolis anyhow, So okay, um, oh, who's the new guy?
All right? This is Peter Peter and Clark. My name
(11:44):
is Peter John Biondi. Alright, I'm gonna tell you something
right fucking all right, Yeah, I see that guy with it.
That's Peter Paca. He's another Jim ok alright, but I'm
Peter John Banni and around this booking bullpen, I run
the show. Got punch you in the fucking stomach right now.
You want to take a knee move my god, my
(12:06):
om bonus, pook it out of my fucking help up clock.
Look you just you just broke, Peter Chebalonis. I do
a lot of sit ups. It's not that hard. Really,
I can teach you whenever you'd like. Wow, well, you're
gonna be probably the new go to guy. He's always been,
(12:27):
you know, pretty much the boss around this place other
than me. Look, I need help store and Shark's body. Okay,
I just need to place the store out, Okay, Perry
Jesus Lewis, this is this is the third time this month. Okay. Look,
if you weren't such a good lady reporter, uh you
(12:48):
know I this would be the last straw. Your office
has just gone their ship since tent left. The whole
city's all fucked up. And it also feels like Superman's
not been around to help with all this time. Tell
me about it. It's like he's not even doesn't want
to return my calls. You know we dated you you
(13:08):
in Superman? Yeah? Sup? Yeah? What was it like in
bed sweats? Right now? Don't aid my quittion lowest. Alright,
bad guys, it seems like Superman has left the city.
You know what that means. Yeah, we're gonna do bad stuff,
(13:32):
bad stuff, that's right. All right? So what do you
say on the kind of three? We just run amuck
in this city and go a ship up. Alright? I
found out that fun game, Bobby. Can I ask a
real quick question? Yes? Yeah, yeah. Some of the me
and the other funk them ups were talking and we
was thinking about many unionizing. I wanted to get your
(13:55):
your take on that. Yeah, Solomon Grundy want dental benef fence.
All right? Oh, I can't help but take this a
little personal. Well, we believe in your leadership. That's why
I'm coming to here with the whole thing instead of,
you know, an uprising. That's I appreciate that. I appreciate that.
All right, what do you say we go do a
(14:17):
quick spree run the city and uh and I'll think
about it. I'll think about it. That's all we asked.
Solomon Grundy orthodonts. Alright, one to three go get us
keep you out your money? Oh my heart? All right.
(14:40):
I mean I don't know your dental history. From what
I'm seeing here, I have no go to dentists in years.
I can tell the gunner session is disgusting, solomos Sure, sure,
well it looks like you're flossh with barbed wires, filosopher,
barbed wire. Okay, that's the problem. That's the problem with there.
(15:02):
I mean, I look, you're uninsured and this is gonna
cost you. Okay, all right? Can I see the card?
Umund have card and other pants? Oh? Mr Grundy, can
you please come back with the cards so I can
(15:23):
run the insurance. I mean, I know you need braces now,
but this is out of pocket. This is gonna cost
you six That's bad. It is bad, okay, And I'm
not taking money you stole off some people, Okay, I can, Yes,
it is Mr Grundy, Okay, and that's no one to
(15:45):
blame but the voters. Okay, right there, doctor stink pants,
I see what you're up to, Shi Superman, and we
can't stand by for this. Hey, citizen, I understand you
need some braces, Superman, I'm here to help. How about
a doc put some wires on this fucker's face? Are
(16:07):
you threatening me? Superman? Kind of this is weird because
we're feels good. You're on my side. You're trying to
rip off this citizen. Doctor. Where were you you were going? Forever?
You were going for every Now you just come back
here to get some shoes. Huh you just pick up
some running sneakers. Yeah, well I like to run. Wait wait, wait, wait,
(16:32):
wait before you go, before you go, come on, maybe
you can just kid. We talked about this before I
come on? Why are you doing this to me? I
love I mean I enjoy it, believe me, I do.
I just have to stop myself from that need. What's
the need of loving me? Hey, Lois, I was just
in the bedroom, but I kind of hear you guys
out you're doing your things. So maybe I'll just excuse myself. No,
(16:54):
no, no no stick around. I won't be ground. It's a Superman.
Superman trying to Jonathan Superman. I'm sorry, I can't. I
know you told me. Your X was hot, sir, she
described your body in detail. But I don't think I
can compete against Superman. Don't be so tough on yourself.
I'm gonna go. Don't believe you guys, do it. I
(17:16):
was just going you you you stay, Superman stay, Superman,
kill him, kill him, Superman, the fun. Just let me go.
I'm a mayor. Man Man, don't kill me. Kill him, Superman,
kill him, never leave me. That's not how this works.
Slow as we've been over it before. I'm sorry. If
you're in trouble, I'll be going now out this window here.
(17:43):
Fuck what the fuck? My back? I fell on me? Sorry?
Ship ship killing? Can you call one for both guys
entire spying and shut out his ass calling one? I'm
calling that one one. Hello, Hi, this is one? What
(18:08):
is this? Janice? Who this is? Who is this? This
is Bannis? All right, well this better be a real emergency. Yeah. Um,
I did call with the thing. There was a guy,
but it looks like he's fully dead now. Um so
(18:28):
I'm gonna need you to connect me to someone who's
gonna be able to run their smooth, little slippery fingers
around my nasty little feet. Janice Cliff got fired. Okay,
he can't be here anymore. Okay, so how are your hands?
You got soft hands, probably do from sitting behind the
phone all day. You don't have working hands. Oh my god,
Oh my god. It sounds like somebody still needs help.
(18:52):
I can't do anything. Don't do anything. I can't do
anything for them. Now, I'm on, I'm on Ron Harper
and thirty thir I don't know. It's not clear. I
can't tell her. I am alright, bad guys. So okay, um,
here's some information. Superman is back. Okay, okay, he seems
(19:15):
to be helping us out. Bub Bazar or whatever your
name is, dentist Josh. Usually you can still talk. I'm
a really bad curse. Yeah, it was a big deal. Look,
(19:36):
I got I got harassed and I was forced to
uh put those braces into Solomon's mouth by Superman, uh
and come down here. You want us to get him
for you? Well, I mean sure, but I really wanted
to come here and say that the insurance and Solomon
said he had it's not worth going through. It's going through.
(19:57):
It's going through. It's just has it received its Yeah,
So I run, I run the Google calendars. I'm calendar man.
You could just expect some of these things to come
through at the first of the next month. Okay, the
car will be arriving then, and I need everybody here
now that we're bringing it up to fill out the
(20:18):
Google docs to the weekend dentists. What what what does
Superman look like? Was he was he in a secret identity,
a second secret identity or just himself in a cape? Uh?
Just himself in a cape. This guy seems a little
thirsty and normally like this or all the time? All am,
(20:48):
I think they haven't impacted um wisdom. Tooth coming in
in the back, and you just take a look at
it while you're here, sure, norm not just do free consultation,
do it? Wow? Yeah you do? Yeah, you do. Looks
like your fingers. I'm checking. I'm checking. O what are
(21:09):
you talking about? You asked for me to do it.
Didn't know you're gonna put your fingers in my mouth. Okay, look,
let's take back looks tape where she said take a look,
all right, well that look this this is my medical advice.
It looks like there's a small alien burrowing in your tooth,
all right, And it looks like some kind of about
impact wisdom too. You said, there's a little alien there
(21:31):
burrowing into my gums. Yes, okay, Now look if it's
out of pocket, it's gonna cost you somewhere between. All right, cruise,
all right? Dr Who the hell said you can come
down to the bad guy's lair with this crap? Anyway,
you came down here from collection. You have insurance, shouldn't
(21:52):
cost a thing. Oh well, we do have in church.
She said, to wait till next month. My question is
if you guys paid attention to the calendars at US
to come into effect until then, won't be comfort and
and you'll have to wait for the first in order
to get that alien remove. I say we get rid
of Google man, replace him with bing man. He's counting them.
(22:12):
There's no Google man. I don't think anyone said Google.
You had a question. Uh yeah, I was gonna say,
what makes the projected cost double? He said, forty to
eighty thousand dollars? So how the minimum then the max
is double the base projection? Well, I mean I am
(22:37):
giving you the ballpark of what is the best and
worst case scenario. Best case scenario, worst case scenario. But
I just got even high. I just got higher by
fifteen thousand dollars. Yeah. We keep asking the questions. What
do you think is gonna happen for Hey, hey, dr
what's your name? Anyways? A period shyster? Yeah? Eight? Period
are good? Good one, guys? A periodic over here ship?
(23:04):
How about it? What do you say, Google man, Perry Perry, jesus,
what is it now? I need six point two million
dollars hot sport to Belarus and then I need to
train ticket all the way up underground. Pass a passport.
There's no specific passports for different If you have a
(23:24):
US passport, it should be good for Belarus. Alright, Perry Parry,
you don't understand. I have to have this story. It's
breaking news. Okay, what is it? Pitched me on? What's
going on in Belarus? I'm gonna go to Belarus and
at the time of my life he should have stuck
with Barris. Hey, my name's Chuck and I'm an addict. Chuck, Chuck, Uh,
(23:53):
tough couple of months, if I'm being honest, But just
keep on coming back. So that's what we say here
right thirty seconds. It just I mean, I'm just getting
I've had I'm having a tough time, you know, it's
like fift seconds. Well, I'm I'm gathering my thoughts here.
(24:18):
It's important that I share here too. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
time that scene one Everybody Seen two comes up from Becks.
Remember Becks who wrote Becks here. You guys always exceed
(24:40):
my expectations. But these past two months, all of you
have been absolutely killing it, and I love it. I
laughed so hard I was crying with James's Paranormal Hunter character.
My scene, in fact, is to broaden his customer base.
The paranormal Hunter goes to crypto zoology school so he
can officially be quality if I do hunt Bigfoot and
(25:02):
other crypto zoology creatures. Rebecca ps, I swear once I'm
making the big bucks as an attorney, I'll become a
patron subscriber until I hope a five star review. Thank
you certainly does, Becks, and thank you all right now,
just don't listen to that guy, um Lett. Listen up,
(25:27):
get up and get your hand open me. Bigfoot is real, real, students, students,
this is a crypto zoology school, and we take it
for granted that Bigfoot is real. Alright, So I don't
I don't know who he thinks, why he thinks this
is subversive? He does this at the beginning of every class.
(25:49):
What I wanted you to do is staff member here? Yes? Yes, unfortunately,
yes he's he's so charismatic. He is charismatic. Yes, but
he's also where on his slave? He's a janitor's So
does that mean he can't be have charisma? Look I
I yes, absolutely he can have charisma. Both things can
(26:13):
be true. Lewis, please enter my office please, m Yes,
what is it? Well, it just seems like the same
thing happens every year, the janitor busting, and you end
up drowning in your students. How how can we change it? Though?
(26:33):
How can we break the pattern? Well? I think this
very Dean. Did you want to get it on Taco Tuesday? Dean?
Put it on real quick? Can I get you anything?
I'll take a chockolate taco, please, choco taco. How long
has there been a Taco Tuesday? As long as there
have been tacos and Tuesday, I've never been involved. Looks
(26:57):
you're more than welcome to be in both. No one's
hiding this from you. I'll take a chaco taco as well. Now,
what you need to do Lewis's go out into the field.
Take your students out into the field. You're too stuck
in the offices in the books. Be practical. So I'm
saying to go to the Pacific Northwest and search for
a sasquatch myself. Yes, doesn't look for a YETI yes,
(27:22):
or lock nest to find some other creature. Yes. School
will fund all trips with flash the money. Some people
have been saying that that Janitor solved a really difficult
cryptozoology problem that had been on the board for years.
(27:43):
That's so, yes, janitor. Hello, come on what ship? Oh
my god, kiss myself. I'm sorry, What the hell? Man?
What the hell is this just scary? I'm I'm a
first year student here, it's just ten am my god.
(28:04):
I was um, I was in class yesterday when you
bar seeing us about Bigfoot. Uh yeah, and he's real. Yeah,
I'm here to I'm here to wrip my notebook right
in front of you. Oh captain, my captain. I just
(28:24):
I don't need school. I need real life experience, and
you seem flush with it. I mean, if you're talking
about real life, I am that. And I look, there's
something that you can't learn in the school, all right,
and that's learning, all right, you want to learn. I
have a lot of money. We can go anywhere you want.
(28:44):
You know, you know where I want to go see Bigfoot?
I want to go to the Appalachian Mountains. Is that
where Bigfoot is? I don't know. It's where my cousin is.
And he owes me seventy dollars, and buddy, I'm gonna
collect professor, professor, Yes, yes, dear god, what is it? Yes? Well,
(29:08):
I was just here's the real problems. I kind of
just here for the paper, just for the degree and
the certification. Like, I'm pretty sure I know all this
stuff already. It's just that I'm only certified for paranormal
and I feel like, you know, crypto zoology really is
also beyond normal being paranormal. So do I really need
(29:29):
to show up and attend these classes? Look? Look, tell
the other students aren't as advanced as me. Look, this
is a three year program and you are to attend
three years of cryptozoology classes. Look, if you still think
that they're paranormal, then you clearly have a lot of
learning to do. And let's domestics of breaking down and normal,
(29:52):
all right, Okay, it's just that I feel like stuck
in this room, I'm not going to learn anything. I
feel like real learning takes place out in the field.
Oh so we're supposed to go to the Pacific Northwest.
I don't know. You tell me the school where in
this classroom isn't helping? The school is nowhere near any
(30:12):
any known sighting of a Sasquatch. I do, however, have
some plastic casts of some Sasquatch feet. Uh yeah, get
in there, really get a sense of how large it is. Oh,
I feel like I am a Sasquatch. Why do you
feel like your as Sasquatch? Because Sasquatche it's like walking
(30:35):
a mile, But I mean it just pacing right, It's
very fragile. Don't actually put them on your feet, no, ship,
I'm sorry. Um, okay, well listen, bigfoot. I'll tell you what.
I feel like. We made a lot of progress in
our last session. You finally opened up about your sadness
about having never actually been spotted officially. So why don't
(30:59):
we keep going down that? I just want people to
look at me and again, like you can break the
patient doctor confidenttentionality thing. Okay, I want you to tell
people I'm your patient. I want you to tell people
you see me, okay, because you see me and I
know you see me, and by seeing me, it's like
(31:22):
it makes me kind of spiral. I see you, I
absolutely see you. But don't tell me, moll that you
see me. Can I get you some more? I just
need you to take ability for not being seen, because
(31:42):
of your incredible abilities to hide what I want to
be seen. It's a thing. More I try to want
to be seen, the more my natural camouflage comes out.
Tell me about the try to hold it in. I
have a very sense of the nose. Don't worry about it.
Tell me about your last effort to these scenes. Where
(32:04):
did you come Where did you come out? As it were? Um,
I came out. I was in the Pacific Northwest and
I walked out of the forest and I was like, hey, guys,
I'm here. Anyone there? Oh sorry, I'm sorry. I just
(32:24):
know how hard I'm trying to squeeze downstairs the little
rosemary and now one. Yeah, thank you for that. Hey, look,
I mean I'm happy to doing it, kind of cleaning
your knee. But you gotta tell me what this is
in the rug because I gotta know where it came
from and how to clean it. Understand, say it's animal
in nature, what difference does it make? What kind of
(32:46):
look like? Got hair in here that looks like a dog?
I got the size of the poop looks like a
big human? Right, I mean what am I the dog?
The dog is huge? So what else can I tell you?
You got a big old dog? Look, I mean looking
at the foot and and share on the ruck. The
dog has a big feet, like the dog's nickname if
you want to know big foot. Happy. Now, I've noticed
(33:11):
you haven't been in class for a while. What happened
to you? I thought you were really into crypture zoology,
just like everybody in the class. Um. Oh no, I
just feel like there's a few different students learning on. Hey,
stop being so weird to her. I know you like, No,
(33:35):
this is not I said, No, I don't see you
in a romantic way, but we can still talk together
as friends. Okay, I'm not I'm not pursuing that anymore.
I took the note and took the note. I'm just
saying you haven't been in class. You haven't been in
class either. We're it's weird. You walked up to my
dorm room as that I'm los Lane. I just heard
(33:56):
there was a breaking story. Let's go with this creep
ass or No, I'm not, thank you, thank you for
being honest. He's just really insistent and he won't take
no for an answer. But I can spend this story
that he's a drug deither. That's what I'm gonna do.
He's a big old drug dealer. No, I'm studying crypto zoology. Listen.
(34:16):
I think if there's any stories that these guys have
been hanging out with the with the creepy old janitor
at the schools not, I wasn't gonna say. It's not creepy.
He's very smart. It sounds like you guys have been brainwashed.
It's that what is that Stockholm syndrome. It sounds like
you're just really jealous about being kicked out of there,
like kind of core friend group, and you're just trying
to else. And it sounds like you're also kind of classes.
(34:40):
Just because as a janitor doesn't mean that he's like
a creepy old guy or his things aren't smart or interesting.
It's just that I'm paying good money to go to
this university and you guys aren't even showing up. I'm
crying because I really care about this stuff, and you
guys are getting in education. And now he came into
my office to complain about other students not hanging out
(35:03):
with you. Is that correct? Yeah, you don't understand. It's
not just that they don't hang out with me, it's
that I can't hang out with them. You see what
I'm saying. So they're excluding you from their group. They're
learning something that's like even It's like they got a
what you would call an accelerated class, and I'm not invited.
They're in an accelerated program, and it means they've earned that. No,
(35:26):
they didn't. They're hanging out with the janitor, and I'm
stuck in the classroom looking at pictures and and fake
feet that I have to pay for breaking a fake foot.
I want to be out for breaking. Did you break?
I'm named for it. I didn't realize that this is
an artifact. Idiot. Oh my god, oh my god, take
(35:47):
me take me right now. Wouldn't take me to where
you broke it? Take me ta take me take professor. Okay, fine, professor,
I've brought the tean. Now, God, what what are you doing?
What are you doing here? I heard something? This is
my classroom, this but this is my school, this is
my classroom notes on this. Sorry, I'm in the middle
(36:10):
of the class right now. What what what is it?
He said that something was broken maybe not a fact
of a big foot one of its feet. Yes, a
bigfoot's big foot was broken in half. My god, I
paid for it. It doesn't matter if you paid for it.
It's priceless, idiot, it's not priceless. We valued it about
(36:30):
two thousand dollars and he paid me that amount. Yes,
he paid me, and I'm going to use it to
take the class on a field trip, a field trip
for the first time ever. We're going to the affiliation.
That was my idea, Lewis piece of shit. Yeah yeah, professor,
(36:51):
you told you told us last week that he said
he wud paid for any expedition we don't want to
go on. Yes, yes, I did said, And you, sir
held Taco Tuesday from me for years. Baha ba No,
I did not, don't tell that. I'm trying to write
(37:14):
that down. CEO. Are you the professor that brought the
students for the big foot hunt today? Yes, I am right,
So what time of your students do here? And do
they have a complete understanding as to what it is
we'll be doing. They're do here at two pm? Right, Um,
(37:35):
that's about ten minutes from man, go ahead, about ten
minutes from now. Yes, I we parked the bus uh
in the in the visitors center, and I ran ahead
ten minutes of them and talk to you. We need
some extra time, get enough the bus. Did they Yes?
They did, right. They're not the sort I understand. How
many of them will there be? There are four? I've
(37:59):
got you written down here for sign oh one of
them goad lives. Big guys, I'm telling you, let's follow
the janitor. Fuck the professor. The janitor is the real professor. Anyway, cousin,
I'm gonna get that seventy dollars. I'll tell you that
right now. Okay, Yeah, I'm down to follow him. That
(38:23):
sounds really good. That sounds promising. Seventy dollars from a cousin.
Next step, bigfoot. That's what I'm saying. By the way,
this is like a cool friendship. I like this. You
don't have to keep with you just because guys, I'm
not going to date anyone Okay. Now, I want to
be a nun when I'm older. I told you guys that,
(38:43):
so I can't date now with with This is remarkable.
Not only the Sasquatch is just walking about. They yeah,
they're yelling out Bigfoot. I made the mistake all along
and thinking they were in the Pacific Northwest. Why didn't
I just go to the apper Agians. Yeah, they're kind
of everywhere. You know, you just gotta call out their
(39:05):
name and they come. You know, most of them want
to be seen. That's the misnomer. It smells terrible here. Yep.
They do have a gas problem on the rig, so
you gotta have to work past that. I got a
little gum you can put underneath your your nostrils. There,
a little good there you go boarding past please big no,
(39:30):
not that woman just go slipped right in front of me.
She went under my legs. You can take her. You
can take her first. Okay, man, this is CBS. This
is a CBS receiver. I need to get to Thailand immediately.
It says here you bought uh allergy medication. I don't listen.
(39:54):
This is this won't get you on the flight. I'm
so sorry. It shouldn't it shouldn't, but this should. I
need to get to Thailand. Put put your breast away, ma'am,
put your breast away, sir, Mr foote um, yeah, first
and last numever the same big Foot, big Foot? Okay,
big Foot, big Foot. Okay. I'm enjoy your flight. Thank you,
enjoy the APPO. I thought you were you know, how
(40:22):
did you know that's where I was going? Well, I
mean you're landing in this particular airport which is near
that area. Yeah, that place, but that you said is
different from that airport that I'm landing in. I need
to get to Thailand. This plane has to go to Thailand. Ma'am.
Your nose is bleeding everywhere. Well maybe because I can't cry. Okay,
(40:46):
just get on the flight. They go ahead, Just go
just yes, now boarding C group group seen to oh
baby seen three. Mr patron v I P. Karen, who wrote, Hey, y'all,
(41:12):
I have a suggestion for a scene the executive board
meeting of a Robert's Rules of Order club, and if
you can find an opportunity to bring up hash Browns,
you get double points. Thanks for continuing to make me
laugh out loud at inappropriate times, Karen, No, I mean
I think in general called order, any kind of any
(41:34):
kind of siding, any kind of siding you put in
the meeting called order, because it's always you don't know. Yeah,
come on, get both of us in trouble. I know,
I'm just sayings of paper, a piece of paper. Sorry, sorry,
interrupt your private meeting. Back there, Tim, do you want
to start with last week's minutes? Okay, I'll start with
(41:58):
last six minutes. Um, honestly some of my minutes or
it's just I'm trial, is it it? Tim's minutes? It's
my favorite part of the meeting. I'm just down. I
hate to be He keeps talking through all the meetings,
and I can't pay attention in my minutes from this
(42:19):
that I'm supposed to read from last week or not good,
they're not thorough. I acknowledge that, Tim. Thank you. Steve.
Did you have something you wanted to say to everyone
or just to lowest? Not at all? Okay? Thanks? Alright,
with that's it for all business. We'll move on to
new business, certain kind of installations. I don't mean to
be a tattle tale, but he's doing it right now.
(42:39):
He's doing right now. Robert. I hear you attempt Steve.
What the complete and total funk man? What's going on? Nothing? Okay,
my mistake. Alright, So for a new business, I believe Carl,
you wanted to bring something to the group's understanding. Is
that right, Carl? Yes, point of order. Phone right, it's
(43:01):
not phone what you're looking for. It's a certain kind
of insulation. That's I don't need to buy your insulation.
I don't care that you're starting your own business. I'm
not interested. Okay, So just stop quick, okay, rising and
addressing the chair? Is he in addressing? I'm just saying,
if you know anyone who's looking stating the motion for insulation,
(43:23):
that might be something you know people do. Yes? Can
I switch seats because I can't sit between these two
right now? Can I sit next to you? Robert? Can
I sit next to you? Do you mind if I
move my chair? Yeah? Robert has been listening to podcasts
(43:51):
this whole time. He has everyone's on and he's like
laughing and listening to podcasts during the meet. All right,
all right, I'll be serious here for a second. Do
you know how funny and yet personal David Sedaris can
be as a storyteller? Anyone in your neighbor, please stop
(44:12):
talking to me. I want to go back to point
of order and see if I can get a second
before we hear anymore about David Sadaris. Maybe we'll put
table that under new business. A second on a port
of order. Second second, thank you, second, al right, point
of order, you have the floor. Um, I thought you
(44:34):
just wanted to vote on it, so I was seconding it.
I don't have anything prepared. All in favorite point of
voters say I all against I order, Roberts. These are
your rules, Robert. We're doing this because of you. Thank you,
Thank you, and we'll get through it as quickly as
(44:55):
we can. Is gonna be coming soon, and it's easier
to get it now. No one's gonna be able to
get in there. I already have it insulated. I already
haven't done. Your neighbors, your family, your friends. You're so annoying.
Maybe maybe I would have considered it in the beginning,
but now since you've been so annoying, I didn't hear
(45:18):
what the question was. I didn't hear what the question was.
All right, No, those opposts say no, no, uh, I'm
gonna resign. I have to resign my position on the board.
I can't. I am taking this name. Is that a
point of order? Hey? Baby, how's your day? Home? Early?
(45:40):
It wasn't good? Thank you? Talk to me, talk to well.
I I resigned. I resigned today. I just I couldn't
concentrate and I couldn't give the board what they deserve. Yeah,
are you okay? You just? You were really going at
(46:02):
my foot right now? So I just, I'm just I
had to give up my position of the board, which
probably goes how you're hurting my foot? Okay, let me kissie, kissie, kissie.
Think so you've been you've been touching your lips to
my foot. I don't want to. I haven't been drinking
(46:23):
you Oh you Oh I didn't even say that, but
you smell like booze. What did you say? I said,
I resigned today, and we're not going to have benefits
when you're gone all day. I drink all day. Oh
my god. I should probably go back to the board meeting,
I think, I, Hey, buddy, how are you man? A
long time? No? See, the board has been going nuts
(46:43):
since you've been gone. But I'm totally happy to look
up for the application. We've been doing installation for a
couple of houses. Now, a little side hustle in mind
all that I know yet, right, so that shouldn't be
too hard to kind of get. I didn't want to
get involved with the side hustle. I want to get
back on the bo I made a mistake for signing. Well,
if you want to get back on the board, I'm
(47:04):
gonna have to take a look at your resume, and
you're probably gonna have to take a job. Is one
of my installers. I was a board member for seven years.
I sat next to you. You know my resume because
seven years if it was being a partner with you, yeah,
well guess when you shout all that around the corner
when you resigned. Okay, no funk with me. I know
(47:24):
you need this ship. I do need this. Listen to
me right now. I'm not scared of you anymore. Do
you understand? Yes, I understand? How right I need to do?
You want to say you need to go out there.
You need the door knock, okay, and you need to
find out who needs installs of installation back on the
board and I'll ask people if they need no. No, no, no,
(47:46):
no no no. Okay, you go out there now, when
you do that and when I see that you were
an earner. Yeah, I think I'm good. I got I
get the insallation done a couple of years ago. So okay, okay, okay,
but you know that, well, I should come inside and
(48:07):
check your insulation because if it's a couple of years old,
over that just like it's fiber clush, just like kind
of crumbles. Is there somebody that's calling for help in
your apartment? I don't know. Let's let's listen for a second,
see if there is. I don't hear anything, so there,
I mean, I mean, even though i'm talking, there's I
(48:31):
didn't hear anything. So I just give it a couple
of seconds. Okay, I'm giving it a couple of seconds.
I'm really not hearing. I'm gonna have to come into
your Thank you for coming. Hey, I'm gonna have to
come into your Let me hear if there's somebody that
needs help call out now, okay, I do your psychic.
(48:51):
I'm a psychic. I hear something, and it's despite the
fact that you've got heavy insulation, hearing muffled cries for help.
I got really heavy insulation. I've heard that part too.
Somebody's in here that was not you, Okay, fair, that
might have been. It sounded like it came from from
(49:13):
over there. I don't think I need insulation. I think
everything everything's sign in my apartment. Why well, because you're
on my cold call, a list of people that perhaps
need insulation. Um, why don't I come in and check
your walls to see if they feel warm or cold? Okay,
(49:35):
it's gonna take you out that you called me, um,
but sure, just over Actually, good news for you. I've
pulled up out front. I'll just think that's goodness. Come on,
come on in. Sorry for the mess. It's just this
(49:59):
looks like you're a order. I'm not churching. No, I'm
not a horrid or. These newspapers are where I work.
These are all my These are all the newspaper articles
I wrote. Okay, so I just take a second to
kind of go through that. They are pretty creeping up
all over the Oh my god, here's shark. Oh my god,
I almost forgot it. Oh my god, Oh my god,
this is stead body. Oh my god, disgust to get
(50:20):
rid of this supern go help me, miss lane, Miss Lane,
there's a dead body in your floor. We've got a call.
We've got a call. I guess the cops. I'm trying
to call super and you fucking idiot. We you said, Dave,
stupid fuck a man hasn't been around in a long
(50:40):
long time. He's not coming for this. Okay, we got
a call. Get the wordies, oh my, because you have to.
There's a dead body in miss Lane's hang on, hang up,
hold on one second. I must I'll buy new instant
Asian by new installation, will put shark inside Instlation. Actually
(51:03):
my mistake. Goodbye, Okay, I got that. I heard that.
He just needs you to sign this here. Uh, Larry,
what's up? What's up? What are you decking off? Yeah?
I actually was, and you just ruined it. I was
just about this, you know, grand finale. Oh listen, we
(51:30):
got a weird call. What do you mean? Hell yeah,
I think you should head over to the lanes house now, Yeah,
I mean, got a weird call and then somebody hung up.
But they always said was lane. But there's only one
lane in this area, right, it's gonna be lowest. She's
(51:51):
a fine, fine, fine fine. Put my hog in my parents.
I'm on my way, al right, I sold it since
I sold some insulation, let me back in that board meeting.
I hear that it's going on right now. Let me
(52:11):
in there. They're voting right now. One day. Okay, that
looks pretty LEGiT's pretty legit. Okay, okay, you know what.
Not too bad, dude, you're a pretty good earner. You're
a pretty good thank you. You know what. Maybe I'll
do this one more, the final piece of resistance, if
you will what I need you to get the ultimate grab.
(52:35):
I needed to find me a biggie footie. They don't
even exist. You're making impossible tasks for me. If you
can't do this, and I guess you shouldn't be on
the board. Fine, I'll find a big foot a biggie footy. Oh,
I guess I'm not even familiar. Good luck. I gotta
(53:00):
get back in that board meeting. Baby, what are you doing? Hoh?
How are you packing? And I'm trying to go back
to the job because this is clearly like you are
a spiraling mess right here, and I'm clearly the only
thing keeping us afloat. My friends need huh, what what
(53:21):
did you say? What did you say? It sounds weirder
than when I said I need a biggie footy. I
said my friend of a friend coming home a woman.
What's the big deal? Who's a big well a biggie footy.
I believe it is probably a some sort of a
genetic similarity. Bigots question any type thing? Yeah, um, are
(53:48):
you okay? No? No, I haven't been looking for a
long time. I'm like you said, I'm sorry, baby, did
you get the Yellow Pages out? I need to cast somebody?
Of course, crypto it's you don't use, you don't want
to use being I that that search ansion is busted.
It's broken. It never worked in the first place. Okay,
(54:09):
yellow Pages is how I do all my searches. Okay, hey,
when Lois comes, when you leave, I guess so it's
all right. Okay, how are you doing? Big Foot company?
How you doing? How can I help you? Hi? I
was wondering if you are familiar? You were the first
(54:30):
thing that came up with uh in the area? Are you?
Can you confirm biggie footy the same as big Foot?
Order up? Hold on a second, alright, get that order.
I'm sorry. Is this a dog place or is this
a crypto zoology place? It's a football hot dog place?
All right? Okay, I clearly made the wrong call. I
(54:52):
need to I need to call somebody. I'll thank you
for your time. Oh are you man? Story up? My hog?
Knock on my parents and I turned me on all
of our guns. I started from florry. You gotta get
over to Lane's house. It's gonna be in trouble still.
(55:13):
I don't bout the time to done with this here,
sort it out. I mean maybe so or maybe she's
got a dead body in her place. We don't know.
Go check it out. Fine, I'm on my way. We're friends,
I don't know for friends if you have to keep
signing off every time by saying we're friends. Friend, Okay, acquaintance,
(55:38):
big Foot tile? How can I help you? I'm wondering
if you could. Uh, this might be a stretch, but
could you confirm that Biggie Footy is the same as
big Foot in reference to the crypto zoo genetic creature.
I hold on and say, is that order up? What up? Um? Sorry?
(56:03):
Is this? What kind of what kind of transaction are
you making over there? We make tiles? Forts here com
in lois you know my husband's cant to some come here?
Wait a second, I know your husband. Yeah, you fucking
(56:25):
extorted my ass fucking made me pee. But all this
guy dad money. So for fucking installation, Larry, where you
at anchoring the door? And now dot name horn on
the front scoop? No, I hope no guns out. I
(56:47):
don't know what the hell is going on. It looks
like that that cop is just rubbing on his jump.
What the fund is going on? I don't think that Lois,
what the hell is this story? I I give you
a year to work this expose of the insulation, Biss.
It's crazy because deeper than I thought, I'm gonna need
(57:07):
sixty billion dollars. I gave you a year. I gave
you a year. You you wrote me like a paragraph
of scribblings. Here. I'm gonna need several passports, all of
them with different faces and different names. I'm gonna need
to burrow deep, deep underground so I can live with
the brokers. Lois, you're fired, Okay, try the bugle, Try
(57:29):
the bugle, Try Jamison. You're you're You're not welcome here anymore. Perry,
what the fuck Perry? Are you serious? Look? Crime crime
was rampant for a while, but ever since those bad
guys got healthcare, they you know, they've they've they've been
in a good mood. You know they're working together with Superman.
You know, there's just not as much. Don't you bring
(57:52):
him up? You bring his name up. Well, I'm sorry, Lois,
but I mean he was the one superhero we add
in Metropolis. He was Clark Kent. Okay, is that the
story you wanted? Superman was Clark Kent? Yes, he was Superman. Yes, yes,
Look I just hired this new reporter. He's wearing a
(58:15):
pair of horn rimmed glasses over another pair of horn
ram glasses. His name is is Cark Clint, and you're
gonna be working together with him on some of these
Google stories, Like says hello, Lois Cark. That's right, Cark,
(58:38):
how do you see through both of those pairs of glasses?
It takes some adjusting. Nice to meet you, is it, Lewis.
It's Lois Lois Lane. Oh my god, you're so beautiful.
You know. I'm I don't know if I'm gonna have
time to have a relationship. I just got to rehired,
and I need to focus on my work very fast.
(59:00):
What was it I think? Okay, Perry, I got a
new story I need your help with. Please where you
gotta go this time, mois Well, I'm gonna have to
go to Atlantis, so I need several submarines Atlanta. That's good,
that's a that's a delta hub Atlantis. Oh no, excuse me,
Perry Mary. There's a gentleman here, he says, is an
(59:22):
appointment with you. His name is Bigfoot. First name Bigfoot,
last name big Foot. It seems strange, but he's here.
Is he a biggie foot? I mean, from what I
can tell, I don't know. Should I send him in?
Speaking of which, I want a biggi foot for lunch. Yes, yes, okay, okay, yeah,
I'll make that quarter sir or whatever, ma'am, you can
(59:44):
come on this way. M h um. I just thought
you'd be interested to see me. Great season's ghost. What
does that smell? I'm so sorry. I'm I'm vegetable and tolerant,
and I've been eating a lot of vegetables, kind of shrubs.
(01:00:06):
It's all he can find, and so kind of stuff
just rockets out of my ass and I try to
hold it in. Okay, look, do you want a picture?
Do you want to put it? No, I'm just a
big foot. I'm not a big foot. Biggie foot Okay,
I can see that now you're not a biggie footy. Uh?
Are you? You're pitching a story from me? Are you
you want a job? No? I thought I would be
(01:00:26):
the story. I thought, all right, you son of a bitch,
I've brought you a biggie footie which turns out to
just be a foot long hot dog, you asshole. Let
me in the board meeting and enjoy you finally did it.
But if to let you in, they got a vote
on it. We got a vote on the floor whether
(01:00:49):
or not to let in. Uh, what's the name here?
I can't read this. I was in there for seven years.
Oh ship, Sorry? Sorry? Tim? Whether let Tim back in
the meeting? I thought it, said Jim, so I ran
when he was shut. If you keep talking to me
about this, I'm gonna lose my fucking mind. I do
(01:01:10):
not want that favor. It's a bigger earn for me.
Shut all right, motion carries back. Oh thank god, I
made a mistake resigning. The mistake might have been ours.
(01:01:35):
Sorry about that, Tim, Welcome back, all right? Any other
new business before we call it a day? No, I think, um,
I think, David said Darius is like, shut up, shut up.
I don't want to bind insolation. You sent Tim to
my house. I don't care about podcasts either, guys, shut up.
(01:01:58):
I'm trying to pay attention. I have no idea what
we do in this industry because you guys have been
talking to me the whole time, the whole ten years.
I've been doing this, Calypso what al right, So I'll
in favor of reading the Sadarius new book, say I,
I yeah, I just have it. We'll be reading the
(01:02:19):
new Sadarus book. Thank you for bringing that to our attention.
That's lunch lunch club, right, We're just a club. That's
our show for today. We seemed like so much more
than a club. I want to thank alliveram starting with
Caroline Cotter, who we can't wait to hear about from
the road and she travels across this once great country
(01:02:43):
of ours. Caroline, good luck out there, damn it. Thank you. Thanks,
I guess can wait. Please keep us a breast all right,
appreciate it. And Craig, you'll be sending over some a
couple of helpful hints for Caroline, I trust. Yeah. No,
(01:03:03):
no fish or dairy based products again, that's not what
I meant by you'll send over, but thank you for that.
Chris Alvarado, thank you so much, buddy. Great to see you,
great to have be seen. Please take care of yourself
and your family. I'll try. James Heeney, thanks for thanks
(01:03:26):
for everything really and also thanks Boat Games who has
said that, uh we have. Basically, I'm now gonna advertise
for another podcast, love the show. Years of listening to
Paula Tompkins, it's great to see another improv group that
performs at the same caliber. All Hail Dynasty Typewriter. Next
time in l A. After this crap is over, I'm
(01:03:48):
gonna be a point to see It's it's gonna be
a point to see a live show. Keep up the
great work. Roman see written about a year ago. I
take it. No, just actually just a couple of days ago.
I don't. It must be I don't. I don't know why.
Maybe they're catching up on older episodes, which is why
they're saying all Hill Dynasty Typewriter lovely. Well that's helpful, uh.
(01:04:15):
Joey Greer, thank you as well. Thank you, and please
also send over any helpful hints to Caroline. I know
you've driven across this great land of ours. Several times
I will say this was given to me a little
nugget of info, which is, as you're traveling, you're looking
for places to stay like air look at Airbnb, like
(01:04:35):
little spots along the way, and so if you don't
want to do hotels and see the places that have
have been vacant for like, maybe it a week or
two before you get there, and then you know again,
this is not what I meant. Sorry, Caroline, when I
asked Uh the Alchemist to send over information right now, right,
send it over right now, just blurt it out Sunday, Sunday.
(01:04:59):
And if you have any helpful hints for Caroline along
her way, please write to us your name here at
ALcom dot com. That's your name here. Let's thank our
prusing gin to the stars. Be but fine folks that
I heart media. Fump pump fum. I mean, how's come
follo you minding? Please wear a mask? Would you go
(01:05:20):
outside and be kind to each other? Damn it? Until
next time,
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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