Teach a dinosaur how to weld.

Teach a dinosaur how to weld.

The incredible misadventures of Mullet Man and Trans Am Tim.

Ultimate beastmaster-style competition…”Can you beat soup?”

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
We'll come back to another episode Alchemy, this COVID nine edition.
I'm your host, Kevin Poll. I guess last, Kevin, Yeah,
I know. I did enjoy the family reunion via zoom.
Hell it was great staring at each other and then
trying to figure out who the hell was talking and
loved it. Yeah, but I digress. Let's meet here. I'm
not gonna shout, you know particular, say hello to Mr

(00:24):
Craig Atkowsky to cow What time are you typically rising
from bed these days? I'm gonna say around six thirty
in the A. M whoa, that's Eastern Standard time. All right,
now you're just bragging? Now? Is that just to walk
the dogs or Nope, I'm up a full two hours
before Carlin and the dogs are. I get a lot

(00:45):
of reading done at that time. Yeah. What are you
reading these days? Uh? Just fucking that's right, none of
my business? Market nightmare news yep, yeah, stay away from
the news. My god, You're in this idea exciting. You've
done the perfect things. I've chosen to start by day
is getting two hours of the worst ship you can read? Yeah,

(01:07):
White to relax, please welcome first time or Sean will
Sean Connery wishes he was as a first timers tradition.
Please tell us any awkward story from your early days
of improv Oh okay, nice, Yeah, yeah. A couple of

(01:27):
years ago, just moving out here to l A, I
took a class at a certain school and uh, they're like, yeah,
you know, okay, so we just want you to just
jump into it. And here's your same partner, go right,
and it's just like, hey, brother, you we're arresting you. Yeah,
you did this, you did that? So I so I
did what any So of course, you know, I'm just like, okay, wait,

(01:50):
I think we're supposed to be yes and that, but
I did my first no. But um granted that made
me a very terrible teammate at that moment, but I
felt like I I did one right by my people's
so established the boundary exactly. So if I know, but
at any point today, just know that that was a

(02:12):
trigger from eight years ago and one of us said
something racist. I got it. Yeah. Uh, well, thank you
for being here, Oh thank you for having me. Man
past the pepper. It's Mark Gagliardi marked down for loyalty
customers only. Any odd memory from filming in Europe that
you care to share. Uh odd memory from filming in Europe.

(02:37):
I mean the whole thing was odd, um, but I
think maybe the weirdest thing was, uh playing someone who
works at the Vatican. We actually shot in the Vatican
library and yeah, and uh, our our prop master said.
So they said, it's okay, just grab any of the
books off of this shelf and then at the top
of the scene, we're gonna put the book back. And

(02:58):
then you go and you answer the phone. And I said, man,
I all this whole row of books is a thousand
years old. Um, so will you please, like, do you
have any prop book that you can put in here?
Because I'm terrified to touch these thousand year old books.
Not one specific thing, but like the whole aura and

(03:18):
vibe of that place is very ancient, and like you
can't touch a thing. Yeah, that is so cool that
you know what prop guy was completely fired. Look Out
it's Chris Alvarado. Dr al will see most of you. Now.
Where does COVID nineteen related dream you've had? Well, I'm

(03:43):
I'm I'm sober. I don't drink um, but during this quarantine,
maybe because people are talking about drinking a lot and stuff,
I've had multiple dreams where I've been drinking, and in
the past those of you wake up scared, like did
I drink? But in these dreams it's been like this,
and it's been this beer. I might I've even said

(04:03):
this here before, but did you even be like, hey,
do you want one Miller light? Somebody would offer me
one Miller light multiple times and it felt so cash
like it's one and it's not an I p A.
It's a Miller light. So somehow my brain is telling me,
have a beer, have a beer, tapping into the ones

(04:24):
not enough in ten or ten Thou's not enough and
ones too many? Too many, it's barely a beer. Yeah, exactly, exactly, yeah,
one life beer, one tenth of an actual shifting on
a Miller light. That's like, I know, thank you for
sharing last, but choke back Santa's tears. If you think
I'm last, it's Joey Greer audition only Joe share any

(04:47):
odd acting audition moment, please, so odd acting audition moments.
I was so there was an audition for this older
character and they're gonna see g I. But they didn't
have a techn oology yet, so they had a cadaver
they brought in and they come from the back open.
They gutted the whole thing once and you were supposed
to step into the body. Sean, don't don't buy this,

(05:11):
don't what and did you get it? Did you book? Okay? Good,
that's that's the best story possible. All right, let's do
a damn show. As most of you know, our scenes
are suggested by our listener emails and also from our

(05:34):
Patreon v I P. S. If you'd like to submit
a listener email scene suggestion, please write to the podcast
at your name here at Alchemy this dot com. That's
your name here. Scene one comes from patron v I P.
Will who wrote, hello William Morris here. No, not that

(05:56):
William Morris. Please stop asking the William Morris from ups
Dates St. Louis. I am still here and kicking in
our post apocalyptic present as we all take a first
row seat to what I can only refer to as
the most highly rated reality show for the rest of
the world. I think I can speak for all of

(06:16):
my fellow Alchemy acolytes. I can't be at how it's
pronounced um when I say we appreciate and desperately need
the soothing distraction, y'all provide us as I'm sure the
doomed passengers on the Titanic enjoy the music the band
played as the ship went down. We two look forward
to that moment. We can avert our eyes from present

(06:39):
events and just think, ha ha ha, really that's funny. Anyways,
scene suggestion teach a dinosaur how to weld, Greig, I'm studying,
but some of the what is it dinosaurs said you

(07:01):
have on the park that yep, well they're they're not learning. Yeah,
some of them don't want to learn their dinosaur No, no no, no,
so um, I think we're gonna have to shut down
Commence ski park. It's just not just not going. Dinosaurs
were supposed to adopt, are supposed to learn different skill sets,
and they're not doing it. So um. So when you

(07:23):
say you think, have you discussed this with anyone else? No, No,
just just myself and my thoughts. I had a diary,
but I didn't write in it. I decided this was
something I need them all over myself. And so you've
not written this down and I'm the only person you've told.
Of course, you know the option you're giving me though,
right right now out what does that know? What do

(07:44):
you mean that's instead of dangering one of the dinosaurs
who might refuse the weld because it's a fucking dinosaur. Hey, Brad,
I I've been thinking a lot about, like, you know
what it all means? Tell me more, Dale, I just
I feel like it's got to be more than welding,

(08:04):
that's for sure. Look, man, we've been on this earth
for about a good fifteen sixteen years. Yeah, and that
comment seems to just creep ever so closely. So I forgive.
Why don't we we could do more than just well,
we don't need to. We don't have to listen to

(08:25):
them tell us we have to stay in this park.
We could do it ever we want. We could do
whatever we want. We do whatever we want. Y yeah, yeah,
yeah knows us, no one, no one except for Kaminsky,
but nobody we brought out Kominsky, SiZ. I mean, okay,
I mean what if you what if it's fund a
different trade. Maybe I'm not into welding, maybe I'm more
of a of I don't know what else did they do? Uh? Quite?

(08:49):
Frank them? Pretty good chef if you give me, Yeah, good,
you're a great chef. Thank you. I mean, did you
like that Wolvers soup that I made? I like it?
I mean I saw if do we know what God is?
Do we have any idea of what God is? God?
And furthermore, the projections for the park should reach over

(09:13):
of the noted ticket prices of the last decade. That
being said, using the market share that we have already
accrued and dilute diverted over to the Susan. Susanne put
this into plain English form. Sorry about that. It seems
like the dinosaurs are developing a language and that language
is leading them to thought. Oh yeah, I would have
lead with that. You gave me. You gave me a

(09:36):
half hour of corporate huha. When you're saying the dinosaurs
have developed a language. Mr Kamensky, there's a call for
you online for Okay, I gotta take this. Thank thanks
for the updates, Susanne. And next time the dinosaurs start
fucking talking, feel free to break into my office and

(09:58):
lead with that. All right, Yeah, this is t Rex.
Is this is this Kaminsky? Am I talking to Kaminsky? Yes,
this is this is Kaminski. We have demands. Okay, are
you you're one of the dinosaurs? In my park. Yes,
I'm one of that. You don't even know us. I

(10:21):
feel like, do you even know that Brad and Dale
are dissatisfied in their work? Who the fuck are Brad
and Dale? Exactly? Exactly? And your your name is t Rex?
Are you also a t rex? My name is My
name is Thomas. My name is Thomas Rex Henderson, but

(10:43):
I go by t Rex. I am, in fact also
a t rex Tornosaurus rex. Yes, I know what a
t rex is. You're the one with the little arms. Oh,
this is the conversation we're gonna have. You know what,
if you're not gonna do meet our man, can you
get it your wallet and love me? Five months? Very funny?

(11:05):
Who's running this union meeting? So? And then I'm thinking
if we go to Prague we'll be able to hop skip. Craig,
are you paying attention or not? Craig, are you paying
attention or not? I'm telling you we're playing in side now.
I'm sorry. Yes, a lot of ship going on in
my life. But yes, we're gonna we're gonna do a

(11:27):
beer tasting. Yeah, we're gonna go cross the bridge and everything.
What is going on? Look? When we started we started
dating and a sorry. Am I getting the Are you
getting it? No, I'll get it. Yeah. Hello, Um, we're
two of your dinosaurs. Yes I can see that, yes, Brad,

(11:50):
Yeah you're veilociraptors. Yeah yeah, we just wanted to. You
can go inspy our name and not our species. You're
Brad and your day Dale? Okay great, I'm Craig Cominsky
on the on the park. We know, we know who,
we know who you are. Who's at the door. Never mind, baby,
go back to the puzzle, Go back to the bad time?

(12:11):
Is just a bad time? Is this a bad time?
If it is good, it's it's as good as any time.
Who is it? Hello? What is it? The Hello? How
do you do ma'am? Oh my god? How do you
do you? Jasmine? These are a couple of the couple
of the loss of raptors at the park that I run. Brad, No, no,

(12:32):
this this is Brad and this is Dale. You passed
the test. Invite him in for dinner? What are you doing?
We are hungry. May I just say I've never seen
a human more beautiful in my entire life. I'm sure
Brad you agree with me. Oh yeah, it's funny that
your name is jasmine because you robbly smell like jasmine.

(12:53):
That's good. That's good, that's good. That was a good guys.
I don't have a raw goat that I can lower
into my Hey. We are not animals, all right, as
you are your dinosaurs. Oh just man, just dinosaurs. We

(13:13):
are here to extend in all of branch. Okay, now,
speaking of the live get that, get that all the
branch out of my face. Oh damn, sorry, Jasmine's right there,
my buddy here, he can cook up a storm, I mean,
really something special. And we want to propose opening some
kind of pop upstand where he could cook uh, you know,

(13:37):
intricate delicious foods and my kids would feel safe. Oh
my god. We're going to Prague. Why don't we invite
them with us and then they can do that in Prague. Yeah,
we're taking my private jet to Prague for the weekend. Okay,
do you guys want to come along? Can we bring

(13:58):
can we bring t Rex with us? There's not gonna
be room for a teer. What they say? Now, this
model right here, this is this is a fantastic model.
This is gonna get you thirty two miles on the
gallon and if you notice that those are clean wells
right there, These are all done. These are all done
by dinosaurs. Zac Minsky Park. So this is a this

(14:18):
is a really rare car you're gonna get here, Okay, rare,
rare car, dirty two miles per gallon. I did, I
did say that city Highway is fifteen. So what we
want to do is if you look at like the
the underside right here right there, if you want to
just get down on your back with me, just get
down your just get down to your back room. Okay, great,

(14:40):
right now, that's just shimmy underneath here. Now if you
see this part right here, what is this right here? Okay,
that's actually molded into there. That that's human fingerbone. A
gentleman was he was taking he was dragged out from
underneath the carriage of the car, eating alive. So you
got a pie. You get a little piece of somebody
in there too. So don't tell anybody to do that. Okay,

(15:01):
how long have you had dinosaurs on the on the line.
We just started doing it. Uh and so far, so good,
so far, so good. There you know what I mean.
It's they're they're different than people because, um, what would
you say is the third weirdest difference between them and
the people. Okay, you've been doing this the entire time
I've been selling you the car. Every time, you know,

(15:23):
I'm fine, I'm fine, But every time you always bring
up the third thing. Okay, and I think you're wearing
a fucking wire. All right, I think you're wearing a
fucking wire. Huh, I am let me tell someone, let
me take something. Whoever's fucking listening, Okay. The credit cards
that I give out here are from my company. Okay,
so there's nothing fraudulent about that ship. And if you

(15:44):
think there is, then once you come down here and
kick my ass or whoever he's done with there, listeners.
Thanks for two Rex, Thanks for seeing me. I know
you're busy. Yeah, look, I don't want to take up
too much of your time. It's uh, it's about Brad.
What's what's wrong with Brady? You take as much of

(16:05):
my time as you need. I'm one of you, comrade.
What that's kind of what this is about. Brad has
been spending a lot more time with the humans. He's
been wearing baseball caps up backwards. He's saying words like
bro and totally. It just feels like he's well, it
feels like he wants to be a human, completely wants

(16:27):
to be a human. I don't want to. I didn't
want to. I don't. That's not for the records. That's
a that's a big that's a big crime to accuse
somewhat of he was my best friend or close and
him and Jasmine, you know, Kaminski's wife. Oh what happened?
I think they've got a thing going and that this

(16:48):
is the one for you. No, I said, I know
that you said it was for the three, but it
seems that it's just just a table for you, Mr Kamowski.
Would you like me to remove the other place set
things that lorda no, no, please keep them there, Georgio
to remind me wait wait wait wait oh hey, oh

(17:11):
hey Kamenski uh Dale, Brad, Brad Sorry sorry sorry? Wow?
So much respect? Um is just say yeah, yeah, well yes, Georgio,
this is a Velasco raptor. Actually I am just a bean. Okay,

(17:32):
can't you see the tie? Yeah? I'm wearing a suit
and tie. Yep. Okay, bro relax, relax, broka. I am
at Mr Kaminski, Jasmine and I would like to invite
you over the house for Super Bowl Sunday. If you're available,
come on by. But if not, we get it. You

(17:55):
don't think it would be awkward if you make it awkward,
I'm not gonna awkward, all right, So just you know,
just don't bring any dairy besides that you're invited. Oh
so you're still not eating dairy. Well, I'm still a
reptile at heart, but I am more human. I'm working

(18:16):
on my tolerance. I'm just glad the Washington red Wolves
made the playoffs. Yeah right, me too. Many. They're playing
the the the cow near normals. So Jasmine, all the
girls want to hear about it. Tell us is he like?
Is he like? It's like sexty easy? Strong? Yeah, really strong,

(18:40):
as his body is almost completely muscle. What what? No,
I'm just thinking, like my Jerry, he's all flabby and
I just don't know. Oh my god, no, Jerry. I
don't want to. I don't mean to be rude, but
he needs to be put down. I know, we don't
any So what we were thinking is that we were

(19:00):
going to just like that. He's bigger than he appears
one thousand percent. So I don't know if you guys
know what a crocodile penis is. But it's just like
a little like split. I don't talk down to me adjatment. Okay,
well anyway, so I don't want to like too graphics,
but there is like just like just like I assume
it's a crocodiles penis, right, Okay, Okay, she finished that scene.

(19:27):
One everybody see no more calls pencils down seem too.
Comes from some person or and who wrote, Hello, hello
all comma, why would you need one? I have a suggestion,
but first, Kevin, you're the bomb. I loved you, and

(19:47):
will of my suggestion. The Incredible Misadventures of mullet Man
and trans Am Tim. Thanks for everything. I hope you
love me as much as I love you all Chris Lawton,
or again i'd say we love you as much as
you love us, and thank you for writing in Chris

(20:08):
mullet Man and the trans An Tim. Hey, mullet Man,
mullet Man, I'm stuck inside. I'm stuck inside. I can't
get out. Mullet Man. I am inside, damn it. Trans
Am Tim, just just pull up on the little knob.
There's a little knob. That's the that's the that's the unlocker.

(20:32):
You pull on that you open the door and you
can get out. Mullet man, got your name is trans
Am Tim. Look when I hired you to be my sidekick,
I assume that Transamp Tim meant that you knew your
way around your trans am. Here we are sitting in
this deep underground bunker and you don't locked yourself in

(20:53):
a car. Well, I mean, this is a Honda. I'm
not sure how these were but look, I'm gonna do
I'm gonna do something that my mom my mom be out.
I'm gonna go and I'm just gonna bust this window.
But then I'm gonna don't burn out. Oh dang it.
See this is why, this is why we had to
get rid of the trans am, because you busted the

(21:13):
windows out of its how we got stuck with Cliff. Cliff,
if I could just jump in here real quick, thank
you for reading with with the actors today. Um, Greg,
we're gonna start again. It seems like you're you're playing
a little dumb. These guys aren't dumb, okay, so uh
feel the intelligence of the words on the page, and

(21:36):
and let's try it again. Fantastic, I have a question
that anything in this entire scenario, I'm locked in the
trans on. But then, I mean, I see that it's
quite confusing. I just wanted to know to play it is.
I don't mean it's confusing about that. This is why
I with you. That's confusing is that the writing seems
to be scattered. It looks like the author I had

(21:57):
two different ideas. Writer here, writer here, actor here, terrific.
Maybe I can give you a little backstory. Do I
need to tell you the story of the time Mulletman
and trans am Tim beat up an entire bar full
of bikers? So think about I don't do you need

(22:18):
to tell me? Not? What do you mean? So? Do
I need to tell you that story? Yes? Bring it up.
That helped me. They beat up an entire bar of bikers. Right,
you see what I mean by the intelligence of the characters,
So so try to bring that. I know you both
studied at the Royal Shakespeare Theater. One of us graduated.

(22:43):
Right I can I ask a quick question because it's
I says here in the resume the Royal Shakespeare Theater,
and that must have been that's a misprint. Right. We
met doing the works of bed and stain. I'm sorry,
Mr d actor. I'm just here trying to give my
sack voucher. Can I go ahead and leave? It's almost

(23:05):
eight hours? Do you want the sag voucher? I take it. Yeah,
I just want you to sign off that that's your
objective is to get the sag voucher. Yeah. So whether
it's eight hours or nine hours or ten hours, I'm
just can't possibly matter. I'm brand new. I'm so sorry.
Okay man, what is your name? My name is Timothy Layfield.

(23:28):
Timothy Layfield. Do you want to see the name Timothy
Layfield on a marquee? Yes? I do. Normally they say
extra shouldn't say anything. I figured it was cut. I
can just leave sense right here, right here. Um, we
do have line. We do have one line that I've

(23:49):
been going back and forth as to whether or not
to leave in the script. Um, oh my god, maybe
you can say this line offer size is this is
what I've been preparing for my whole entire twenty years. Yes, okay, so,
um the line is, um uh my pepe taste sour? Okay,
what's my motivation? Dude? You're gonna love him? And the

(24:13):
trailer for this movie is sick. Dude, they got like
the mullet on this guy who's like down those fucking ankles. Man,
they're gonna love it. Okay, so we're going to see
this this other movie. Just we can see the trailer
for this movie. You want to see this, right man?
What the hell do? And then we'll we'll leave right
after they show the trailer, right right. I mean if

(24:35):
we get hook, if there's another trailer, that's good, they
will stick around, you know what I mean. I don't
want we'll just leave up to one trailer. But yeah, dude, Hi,
welcome to a MC Pasadena. How many we're just here
for the trailer or just here here for the trailer? Okay,
so trailer cost is that's each please nice? All right? Hey,
congratulations on surviving COVID. By the way, well now so

(24:57):
I take it's the trailers. We are doing anything we
can whatever you can do, man, Hey, whatever, thank you, whatever,
thank you. I would you like some popcorn or beverage today? Sure, yeah,
let's do. Let's do it. I'll do a hot pop
I'll do nachos, ill do hot dogs, I'll do I'm sorry,

(25:18):
we have no hot food. No hot food. Sorry, just
popcorn out of the bag and a soda out of
the fountains. So unpopped colonels is what you're offering, then
popcorn is pop So that's definitely not take a good
sao if you're doing all cold we do. I think
a sponsor absolutely, like a creudita or babe. I'm so

(25:41):
proud of you. So you've got one line in this movie? Yes,
I mean I still. I stood up, spoke up for
myself and the guy actually the writer, not the director.
The writer gave me a line. And that's how you
know you're good. That's how you know you're good. Honestly, listen, baby,
when we drove act up all of our stuff and
put in that car and drove from Kansas City here
on a on a dream, a dream you would make it.

(26:05):
It's happening. Thank you, Sarah, and I couldn't have done
it without you. But there's something you shouldn't know. I've
had a romance love on set another extra as an
in character. Right. No, no, no, she's non union, but
she's so beautiful. Is she eligible at least? Uh? No,

(26:25):
she still has two more projects to go, but oh
my god, we just clicked. I'm sorry, Sarah. And guess
where she's from. St. Louis so close to Kansas City.
I'm sorry, Sarah, I had to tell you. No, I
should have. I should have seen this guy. Okay, just
looking over your resume, it looks so pretty good, Sarah.

(26:46):
Everything looks pretty good here. So when we're selling cars
on the lot, we've got to make sure to always
talk about what the cars are, what they do the well,
do you know what I mean? So uh, okay, all right,
Sarah kind of seem distracted. You are right, Okay, Sarah,

(27:07):
you know what is done. I thought that you would be.
I thought that this would be a fit, but you
just alright, So all right, you know what this is.
This is beyond this. You're wearing a wire, aren't you.
You're wearing a god damn wire. All right, fine, fine,

(27:29):
let it be. You know what fun? You know? I don't.
I'll talk to myself. I don't give a shit, you know.
I I built this goddamn thing from the ground up.
And if anyone thinks for a second that I'm gonna
let some with wire coming in here and break it
down because I'm selling credit cards, well then tell them
to go suck my ass alright, sucking my goddamn ass.
I'm a car sales g Yeah. Yeah, I do finance. Yeah,

(27:51):
I do finance. Okay. And if you think if it's
if it's if it's not just financing that people are
worried about them, what are the words? But they were
like getting around town? So I offer both things, were
both services? What the hell is that illegal? I don't
need to be accredited by God, damn Bachel the problem Okay,
And you know what do you know that in America?
You know, America, only certain states are allowed to sell cars.
You've gotta have a Curtis Curtis you okay, check check.

(28:14):
I was just I got kind of blew up on
the time. Sorry, you're gonna sell a car. You're gonna
sell a car. You've got the best glow of anyone
on this lot. Thank you. Yeah, that's the wildest trailer

(28:35):
I think I've probably ever seen. It was all exposition
and RANTI. I mean, wow, I just came to see
the trailer for the Incredible Misadventures of Mulley Man in
trans Am Tam. But I think I want to see
that movie even more. Hey man, I'm just trying to
watch the trailers too. Can you please just keep it
down all right? You want me to keep it down

(28:57):
to just don't talk to me in between the trail.
Just we'll talk after all the trailers have gone. We'll
talk after the trailers. Okay, we we still have six
more trailers and I got a tob full of popcorn. Alright,
so you're in it and you're in it with you,
I know. Let'm just saying, just talk to me after.
Just talk to me after the trail. Okay, everybody, thank

(29:18):
you for coming to this table. Read today. Now with
the success of the incredible Misadventures of mullet Man and
trans Am Tim doing so well in the box office
for the trailer, Um, people want more, people want more,
as you know, so you have scripts in front of you. Now.
We figured we don't need to shoot the whole feature
this time, just the trailer. That's all we want. We're

(29:39):
gonna get so um, no need for any other introductions,
going to get away. Let's read the trailer and beg
So for all the numbers, oh I'm sorry, sorry, yeah,
So the numbers are now showing that the uptick on
tickets are through the roof, so as individuals are coming

(30:00):
into cinemas as they are. We're seeing that the number
of clienteles four said movies are doubling only in terms
of the market share as available now. So if we
look at a pie chart and we think of the
pie itself as a whole, and we cut thirty thirty
thirty thirty, and from there we're able to Can we
just put this in plain English? Please? Yes? Um uh?

(30:23):
There there's there's dinosaurs making movies and that studios. Do
you want to try that again? Day? Lead with that
next time the dinosaurs. I'm gonna tell you the Booth
is gonna ask you to do that one again. I'm
gonna see you hear him, hear him in our ears

(30:45):
right now? Thanks man, we have your accident anymore as weird? Yeah,
me and Jess and we just stayed all into Europe.
Yeah in Australia. Wow, you are right, I mean started welding.
Actually I did, I did? Did you say Stingle again? Oh?

(31:07):
You said Stingle again. We do have contestants from every
single country, and yet you're telling us that we have
them from every Stingle country. Booth is telling me in
my ear, we're gonna need to try that just one
more time. So I mean your movies right, thank you?

(31:28):
It will not clean it all that. Do you feel
like please go and get good enough? Friend? And I
left you at a very vulnerable time. Do you still
hold that grudge against me? Mike Job? Right now, I'm
not the one screwing up and the only one piece
was I supposed to pass that Alonge motivated me to
go to welding school motivated media. Then why are you
You know what I'm gonna give him. I'm gonna give

(31:49):
him my earpiece. I'm gonna so that you can talk directly.
I'm sorry to erupt. It looks like you're having right.
I'll play middleman. I'm I'm a bear who's to break
in just for you? Three have an twa on where
to study and that scene too. Oh man, I love

(32:10):
where it goes and why it happens. Same three comes
to us from Patron v I P. Nicholas, who wrote, Hello, Kevin,
I think you won't be happy hearing this, especially from
a German listener. Oh boy, never start an email like that.
But here goes Episode one fifties six was a near
miss in my book, as in I nearly missed the

(32:34):
road while driving because I was laughing so hard. Nice
you son of a bitch. The Germans with that sense
of humor. One for the history books that turned around
of Toastito rolls sketch was incredible. Oh yes, oh you
did want to hear that? Well? How was I to know? Anyway?

(32:56):
As seen suggestion an Ultimate b Smaster or American Ninja
Warrior style competition with contestants from all over the world,
and the motto is can you beat soup back from
commercial break? And we got contestants from every single rules,

(33:19):
every singing. Do you want to try that again, Dave,
We'll roll analogies, keep going. We got contestants from everything, Dave.
I'm gonna tell you the booth is gonna ask you
to do that one again. Do you hear him? You
hear him in our ears right now. I just think
that I if I just keep on moving and just

(33:41):
you'll clean it upset. Okay, ready in five four three
to one, welcome back to the Ultimate Soup Master. We
have contestants from every single towns, city and province in
say single again, you said stingle again. I'm sure we

(34:02):
do have contestants from every single country, and yet you're
telling us that we have them from every stingle country.
The booth is telling me in my ear we're gonna
need to try that just one more time. If I
just power through it, it might clean it up. It
will not clean it up. We will reset you mess

(34:25):
it up, So get it right this time. Okay, let's
do a five four three two one. Hey, Mike, not
right now. I'm not the one screwing up. I know
I'm the only one with the ear piece. Was I
supposed to pass that along? You know what, you don't
have to pass along. I'm just saying that we're gonna
have to get you know what I'm gonna give him.
I'm gonna give him my earpiece. I'm gonna so that
you can talk at you know. I like the middle man.

(34:45):
I think the middleman works. Right, fine, I'll play middleman,
Thank you alright? Three two one. Welcome back from commercial
break to be Smaster Soup Edition. We've contestants from every
single country, province, town in the world, and I do

(35:08):
I need to stop him again? What are you going on?
He sinking? So we can there's with that. I'm being
told there's wiggle room. I'm nervous. Was my first time
competing in anything to be honest. Oh you've you've never
done the Beastmaster circuit before? No, no, no, no, it's

(35:29):
a cool bandana. Yea, thanks? Yeah, pick this up back
in uh Holland and two oh hell yeah, I wasn't
born to Okay, all right? So these like snacks for everybody?
Or is it for the winner? Or can we have
some of the snacks? Uh? These are oyster crackers that

(35:50):
go with the soup. Those are the judges. Man. No, no,
I'm sucking. I'm working with you. Have whatever you want,
make way, big way. This guy just broke both his
arms and his back and his ass ship. Oh my god,
I happen from soup. Yeah. Yeah, I mean it depends

(36:13):
how heaven the later is. But yeah, you can. You
can definitely hurt yourself. I don't know if you know
my backstory, but they found me on a farm in Kentucky.
I don't even have television or internet or anything. Someone
who's driving by something called scout. They saw me swimming
in uh in our pond back there, and so now
I'm here, So I'm a little nervous. Yeah, I read

(36:35):
your bio. I read your bio. Cool. Yeah, I'm from
I'm from Indiana. They really have people from all over
the world here, don't um. It's not only a competition
against each other rights, No, no, I mean we gotta
stick together as a couple of Yanks. Right. Make way.
This guy's eyes just fucking melted out of this guy

(36:57):
damn shot up into his sucking head. He's just enough
a line to feel everything, everything moved. So just last thing,
just just just quickly, can you go over just the
rules from more times before? I'm a little nervous, so like,
how does this work? Again? Well, you're in a Beastmaster
style soup competition with with every stingle country and you

(37:21):
don't know why you're here. I know why, I don't
know how. I don't know what. Oh yeah, you don't
know what to make? Yeah yeah, I mean you're not
gonna come with like gaspacho, right or Visi sUAS. I
mean you're gonna make a hot soup. Yeah yeah, yeah,
So that's that's what we're doing here. We're making two yes, right?

(37:43):
What how's it bringetting so injured? Uh? Turn on the
monitor man, Okay, oh oh god, oh god, I thought
this is just so where are my fingers? And another
one goes down all the way. You had another victim

(38:04):
of the soup here on Beast Master Battles Super Edition.
Well it sounds like another American, right, didn't ye? So yeah,
I'm going through your resume right now, and I really
like your credits, Joanna, especially Ultimate Soup. UM. But I'm

(38:27):
I'm just looking at this. Um. It's a really easy question.
Are you are you Stingle or are you murried? Oh? Really? Yeah?
We we can only use Stingle people on this show.
You know. I'd heard that and I didn't think it
was possible. So I'm glad we had this opportunity to

(38:47):
talk because I think it's not rage. I I understand that.
But this show has been on eighteen years for a reason, Joanna, UM,
eighteen years is dedicated to success is because of Stingle.
Just on Stingle people murdered people make things more complicated.
Well maybe I should ask Joanna, what do you mean
you want to get a divorce? I do? I do.

(39:10):
I think it's time. I think if my career is
going to see what it deserves, which is raw success
from my own talents and gifts, I need to let
you and the children go. We made a path to
be murdered. We did. We did. We took an ooth
under God and we'd had this scary dream. Did you

(39:33):
really tell us all about it? Lynn? Well, there was
a much to made knives, and I lived inside my
chest and when I think a certain way, it would
come out, and then it would come out and they
would cut all my families. We've talked about this before.
You know how dreams were versus real world. In fact,

(39:56):
I'll give you another example. In the real world. Your
father and I are get DeVos mommy, daddy. I'm really
angry right now. I'm so can somebody please cock me
something to eat? I'm angry? Yeah, please Joanna, so cat
him something? What do you want from me? I'm out

(40:16):
of here. I have to go. I have to pack.
You're getting a Yes, I thought we were getting a
duvorce and now you're saying we're getting a Devoce. That's insane, man.
So she just up and left just to work on
that show. God, that's crazy, that's wild. So what you
can want to my lower back a little more? Yeah, totally.

(40:40):
What you want to be doing is gonna be wanting
to look at the different welds on the car. Okay,
and you're gonna be wanting to find out which ones
are you know which part because you can definitely tell
you How would I know? How would I know which
welds are from dinosaurs? I mean that's part of that's
part of the skill, right as part of you're not
using any oil. Oh my god, I say again, do

(41:02):
you know maybe you're not at work. You don't be
talking your announcer voice all day? Okay, I guess I'm sorry.
It just tends to happen. I will get red. Is
it time for us to have sex? Don't say it
like that. This is, first of all, it's already weird

(41:23):
that we have to schedule a day to have sex, okay,
because neither you nor I are really getting hot for
each other anymore. But the voice makes it worse. Well,
I've always been hot for you. I don't know if
you felt this way for a long time. But if
we're having sexual problems, we should probably see a therapist.

(41:44):
I have your producer in my ear. Yes, um, yeah,
just go ahead and let him insert himself in you
in about five four okay, get in, get in, get in?
Oh goodness, wait, how did what are you doing with
my producer in your ear, Um, give me that earpiece.
Get Oh no, hi? Hey, yeah, oh no, Hi is

(42:10):
right there you go. Um, we're gonna have to do
that again. You're gonna have to reset. Uh yeah, okay,
I got uh. Sebastian Hober from Kentucky? Is that right?
Where is he? You're you're up next? What's up? Two

(42:33):
people come up and say, yes, what is going on? Well,
you're telling me we have two guys from Kentucky, one
guys from India. This is an international competition. I'm sorry
I have from Kentucky. But that's not my name. I
just heard Kentucky. What the funk was that of? Then? Well,
what are you doing? Somebody say, Kentucky? What the hell

(42:57):
is going on? There's seven of us. I don't know, man,
I just hurt my name. I didn't hear my name.
I just heard Kentucky. I'm talking to Sebastian Hobar. Oh
never mind you, Sebastian. Uh. There's been some changes to
the course. It looks like too many people have been
breaking their asses and melting their eyes out of their heads,
so we've had to We've actually had to roll in

(43:20):
the extreme course because it looks like the normal course
is just hurting too many people. Second, it's harder. I
wouldn't say it's harder. So anyway, what do we need
to do is, uh, we're gonna need you to go
up now. Looks like the roster is getting pretty thin.
A lot again, a lot of people breaking their ass,
and I was just gonna see what you're working with. Okay, great, Okay,

(43:42):
So I'm gonna have to pre scar you because we
do have a narrative where Sebastian Hobart is is scarred up. Okay,
so I'm gonna slice off from nipples here. Okay, you're ready?
Good luck, man, good luck? Do do do do do
do this episode of Dinosaurs, I'm now going to make

(44:22):
a dinosaur. Sup. You're not half the shift that Brad was.
Oh god, my insights. Oh no, no, not my baby.
I am the beast Master. Can you be sup? And

(44:48):
it looks like we have our first ever beast Master
Super Edition Champion and it's the boy from the Pond,
Sebastian Hobart. Sebastian, come step right up over here. I
believe announcers conducting that interview while making love to his

(45:10):
wife's just not there's not enough room up here for
both of us. Well, then someone's gonna have to take
over because I've finally rekindled things and my wife and
I are stepping out. Excuse me? Uh yeah, um do
you mean stepping our? All right? No, you know what,

(45:31):
I'm giving the ear I'm I'm just taking a break.
I'm taking a break. I'm giving the earpiece to my
to my to my comin here you go, right there,
we go. Hi there, Timmy mcgarthur replacing gulf of your
announcers up here on the booth. We've had a setback,
but we've got a new champion, and I've got Steam

(45:54):
Kaka down on the field to interview our new champion,
Steam taking away. Oh this is Steam Kaca. I am
a coding act bear, but I am also trained at
the Royal Shakespeare Academy. Uh. I hate that I have
to give my credentials before I do any interview. But

(46:16):
there are some people who just won't see me for
who I am. I'm here with Sebastiano. So you you
ripped open some live dinosaurs where who are cognizant beings
and brutalized them on live TV? How did that feel?
It felt amazing to be honest it reminded me of

(46:36):
a scene from the Incredible Misadventures of Mullet Man and
trans Amn Tim where they beat up to those two
guys beat up an entire barflo of vikers the trailer
and I just kind of channeled that that feeling, and
that's I just let loose and I feel great, and
I want to say death to all dinosaurs humans at
the best. Now you you were found on a farm

(47:00):
in Kentucky, somebody, somebody from Indiana. Man the border, over
the border. Okay, I'm sorry, you may hope it. Okay,
well I'm going to leave. But what's that smell? Smells
like ship? It's Indiana? Yeah, fuck you man. And that's

(47:24):
our show for today. I want to thank all of
our alchemists for it today, starting with Mr Joey Greer. Joey,
what's that smell? I wish I knew. I've been hunting
in for a week and there's no progress. I don't know.
All right, Where can folks find you on the interweb?

(47:44):
Sure they want to look you up. Honestly, if they
want to look me up, check out Alchemy. This is Instagram.
Just go there, plug in. We're doing lives on the
thing and it's it's happening. So and your comedy album
Goodnight is still in the top two thousand Billboard. That's
that's exactly right. Check out good Night with Joey Greer.

(48:06):
Any streaming serve this. I don't mean Netflix, they don't
they don't have it, but you know, and you want
to give a shout out. You told me in an
email to somebody who is out there fighting the good fight.
Did I That's right, folks. I wanted all the listeners
to know when I say that's our show, the improvising

(48:29):
cease christ Ronald, thank you very much for being here,
Thank you for having me. You know I want to
I want to echo Joey stop. I was working on
my website yesterday. We don't even know I have one.
It just sits there with some pictures of me, and
I was like, people want to find me. Goddamn it.
This year with alchemy this, you know what I mean,

(48:50):
Alchemy to this Instagram, I'm gonna get more lively of
making it right here, I'm saying it in front of
all you people. I'm gonna be more involved in the Instagram. Joey.
It's not gonna just be you help. I might job
on as a guest. I'm gonna go crazy. I want
to get to people hights. All right, well thank you
for that, man. Sure, let's appreciate Mark Gagliardi. Yeah. So

(49:11):
you're doing, um, a remake of Twin Peaks? Is that
what the setting is? Just? So uh uh yeah, I'm
doing I'm doing my own remake of Twin Peaks. It's
going to be in a socially distanced amphatheater, so it's
technically ninety nine seat theater. Uh you know, it falls
under that rule, but it's gonna be in uh the

(49:32):
Hollywood Bowl. So I hope everyone uh comes and checks
at ninety nine only allowed at the Hollywood Bowl. The man. Yeah,
oh man, did you imagine? I thought, I thought you're
being serious, and I was like, so on board. Now
Twin Peaks at the Hollywood bol would be amazing. People there.
Yeah yeah that Sean will. Thank you so much for
joining us. I hope you had a good time. Oh man,

(49:54):
Adam last, thank you everybody, y'all are this is amazing?
So everybody was great. Thank you for having me. Yeah,
it's a little bit of insanity and you're a welcome edition.
Anytime it's convenient for you. Thanks, thanks very much for
joining us. Oh, thank you man, so much fun good
folks can look you up on the interwet. You know what. Yeah,
I'm I'm going to be that guy. You can follow

(50:16):
me at I am Sean Will on Instagram and uh yeah, man,
make sure you all support alchemy this because this show
kicks ass. So I'm already following you guys. So I'm
already there, but uh yeah, I do that in and
go to my Instagram page as well. I am Sean Will.
I am Sean Will. Yep, easy, right, fantastic, Thank you
for that, Sean. Yeah, nothing to promote, so I think

(50:40):
I should just do some vocabulary pet peeves. Um, don't
use uh ambivalent when you mean apathetic. Uh, don't care
about If you don't care about something, you're apathetic. If
you have too strong yet contrary feelings, you are ambivalent.
Appreciate the clarification. I think a lot of people are
confused just about that. Look forward to another one next week,

(51:03):
if there's any way we could make this a weekly
Uh uh, I think your listeners are already ambivalent. Well,
thank you all so much. Let's thank our engineer and
producer of the Stars, Mr Doug Baine books that I
heart media. I tried to. Yeah, yeah, Hollywood Bowl, I

(51:29):
feel like we we did happy about two minutes ago. Yeah,
thank you for that, Greig Man. I hate that my
show was so unmemorable at the freaking Hollywood Bowl. I
finally got a show there. Clearly Joey was apathetic. Yeah,
he was not one of the nine and nine allowed in.
Well that's true, he was in standing in line. Uh

(51:50):
please wear a mask, everybody out there. Let's look after
each other, damn it, and do all we can to
just be kind. Forget rewind, wear a mask. I'm your host,
Kevin Pollic. Until next time,