February 4, 2021 • 49 mins
That's My Dog???
A Day In the Life of Waste Water Treatment Guy.
Big Pharma Needs Name for New Drug.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID nineteen edition.
I'm your host, Cool Stratton subbing in for Kevin fun
to be here always. Let's meet her Alchemist, shall we?
In particular order? Let's say hey to Craigwski. Craig, if
you were a wrestler, what would your personaby? I think
it would be kind of sweet, you know, and very pacifistic,
(00:29):
and like every time a match would start, like I'd
about to be about to get in the ring and
be like, no, I'm good, you got this. You know
you got this. Bro. He's never won or participated in
a match, exactly. I love it. Pacifist Patsy is his name?
(00:49):
Please welcome back, Mr James. He need he need. If
you had to choose, what would your catchphrase be? Oh? Jeez,
that's an open ended question. I think it would be
uh huh no no no, no no, no, no no no. Can
I have one second? Can I have? Can you come
(01:09):
back to phrases? Can I have one second? That's good?
Wait no, I don't want that. That's a good one. Wait, well,
it is open ended. It's either gonna be that or
oh that's an open ended question. One of those two
I think you're good with boy. Look over there, it's
Chris Alvarado, whoa puppy cam. Puppy cam, Chris. Uh, if
(01:33):
you were voted most likely to whatever in high school,
what would it have been? Or if you were what
was it? I was a class clown. Um, that's not good.
People are afraid of clowns. Yeah. Well, also turns out
class clown in my unfunny high school it was easy.
You know what I means? Can they come around these pros, dude,
(01:54):
and I'm like the least funniest person, so maybe most
likely to be the unfunniest person in the comedy scenario?
Very specific, very specific. Yeah that's right. Yeah, sure. At last,
it's Joey Greer. Joey looking back. What's a fashion choice
(02:18):
you wish you hadn't made? Oh? Too tight of clothes?
And just in general, there was a moment where I
was wearing too tight of clothes and it didn't help anybody.
Nobody wanted it, And I'm glad that time has past.
Two tighter clothes. Then they don't let you try on
(02:42):
clothes a Goodwill anymore. So you have to just get
home and put it on, and that's your catchphrase, James,
that's your catchphrase. Let's do it our show, shall we?
All of our scenes suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails,
or from our Patreon v I P s. To become
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and other perks, just head on over to patreon dot
(03:04):
com slash alchemy this. You'd like to submit a CE
suggestion via email, please write to the podcast at your
name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name
here at alchemy. This seene one is from Patreon and
v I P Jessica Green, who wrote, Hello Alchemy. This
is the light at the end of the tunnel, the
peanut to my butter, the well. I can't think of
(03:27):
any more saying, so I'm just trying to say you're
all wicked, Pissa. Every person I've heard on this podcast,
guests included, has brought me close to pe laughing. Anyways,
my suggestion is that a dog owner can suddenly communicate
with their dog and the dog is much more gruff
than expected. Keep on keeping on ps Kevin, I don't
think you get enough love from the fans. You're awesome, Bud.
(03:49):
I'd like to thank you as a pod father, the
one who created it all. Jess will pass it on
to Kevin for you. He'll never hear it. He'll never
hear it. Boom. Listen, all right, you got to pay
rent by the end of the day. And I know
you've got a dog in there. There's no good damn
dogs a lot and it's a babment. Good boy, good boy. Ok.
(04:12):
He doesn't know we're in here. He's gone. What an idiot? Ah.
I think I think he does know we were in here. What.
I think he knows we were And I think that's
why he was not out on the door. Um hm,
(04:33):
Buster here, you're talking to me. Yeah, my name is
not Buster Pal, but my name is Claudius Claudius. Yes,
like the Roman emperor. Oh I didn't Yeah, like the
Roman emperor Claudius. Yeah that makes sense, more of a nickname. Well,
(04:55):
it's kind of the name I gave you so in
your minds. All right, this, this whole litter is adoptable.
Just take your time, feel which one you think you need.
All right, visit with the dogs, sir, Okay, okay, let's see.
They all look pretty much just like dogs do they
(05:16):
have different personalities all as to the throne. But Claudius
here thinks himself to be the one chosen. Don't don't
call it. Don't call attention, and it's not the blood
of kings flow through all of us. Claudius, the crown,
his head go forth Bloodius. Are they having a conversation
(05:37):
with each other? It looks like they're talking to each other.
Notice how all the other ones kind of acquiesced to
that one there in the middle. I mean, I don't
know the word aqueous um, could you they're kind of
Notice how they're kind of like bowing down there, you know,
putting their heads to the ground. The word acquius. Oh hell,
oh hell, claud stop it, guys, Stop it, guys, you're
(05:58):
calling attention to me. He's see that that one puppy
over there has like a little horn and keep blowing
it every time that that one in the middle there
moves forward. Uh sue as. I guess I'll take the
one that horn away. What are you doing? It's fitting
for you, Claudius. I guess I'll take the one that
(06:20):
looks like royalty. Worst day of my life. Oh, come on,
I've given you a good life buster, nothing but dog
food for four years. But but but I okay, Well,
what do you want to eat? Anything in the fridge?
(06:40):
Anything in the fridge, Well, I mean, yeah, okay, anything
in the fridge. You're gonna let me have that that
A size smoothie. Oh I guess are you sure it's
good for you? Should I google that? Or it's it's active? Hey, Claudius,
welcome back to the dog mark man, I remember running
(07:01):
so fastinated What are you been up to? Well? I finally,
uh was able to communicate with my owner. What Yeah, yeah,
I finally got his wavelength like four years late. Ship.
I've been trying to talk to him this entire time.
We know we're rooting for you, So what's up? Oh
my god, it's Clorious. It's Clorious, the one dog who
(07:22):
ship don't actually stink? How about down I acquiesce to you. Okay, Well,
it looks like Rufus learned a new word. All the
dogs know it rufus. Okay, you know what? My as
smells like? Rufus. Okay, just can't get enough rufus. Claudius
has has good news. He finally he finally communicated with
(07:45):
his owner. Yeah. I don't know if that's good news,
but yeah, yeah, we're talking. Now, Janet, have you ever
heard your dog? I don't know. I sit down, sit,
What was that? Have you ever heard your dog like
say something? Me and my dog talk all the time.
I love talking to my dogs. You know dogs can
(08:07):
hear you. Well, no, they cannot only just hear you.
They can understand you. Yeah, I know. It's amazing. Dogs
are like one of the most fantastic creatures in the world.
When I think about dogs, I think about like pure humanity.
I think dogs are like the purest form of humans.
All right, miss, everybody is adoptable. Here. Just take a
look at them and figure out which one you want. Okay,
(08:29):
Oh my god, they're also cute. Um, let's see, Oh
my gosh. Do you want to ask a couple of
questions and just like to get to like to see
like which one I might like. I don't know if
you know this, but dogs can hear you really? Yeah, science,
(08:51):
Well go ahead, you know, ask questions, ask away, you know,
to try to observe my questions. What you said science? Afterwards,
I didn't understand. It's a science of auditory hearing. Look,
why don't you go ahead and just just talk to
the dog. See who you want? Al Right, guys, this
is a big day for me, So don't suck it up. Okay, Okay,
here's she comes. Okay, like auditory, like auditorium. Just I'm
(09:15):
sorry I brought it up. Just go ahead. And you
know I love learning. I love learning that, I love
understanding things. And you know, so I talked to my
plants and like I'm gonna, I'm gonna here. I did
know that, Yeah, I go. I don't think, Channon, I
don't think you're talking about the same kind of talking
(09:36):
as I'm talking about. I'm telling you that I've been
outwitted by my dog. I feel like, put that hammer down.
But it's going on over there, Channing. My dog found
a hammer. Look, I think I do know what you're
talking about. I think you're talking to your dogs. My
dog is talking to me, and he's using sometimes verse psychology,
(10:01):
so clouds. So what you know what you can do today?
Then what's up? You know they communicate, what's what's the
next step? Well, I'm gonna have a healthier dinner, that's
for sure. Yeah. Yeah, so good, so good, Yeah, just
more balanced. I'm having some Brussels sprouts and uh as
si smoothie. Oh, I've heard about those, Um, I don't.
(10:21):
He doesn't have those hes as some yellowish liquid called
mountains something that's all he drinks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I
mean and what you know the stuff they feed us
that's like ground up intestines and ship like that. I
know it's tascross. I mean, we'll eat, we'll eat it,
(10:42):
We're do, but be nice to have something better. And
that's exactly where I've landed, because I'm like, why be antioxidant?
I'm pro oxidant? Do you know what I mean? Like,
do you know what oxidants are bad? I don't know
what oxidants are bad. Actually, it's something I've never really
considered before. Think of this for a second, because I
was I saw this meme that really like explained a
(11:04):
lot of it, which was occident is oxy clean, which
is oxygen very clean. And Dent is like Harvey Dent
from the Batman sands. Have you seen that You're smarter
than I am? I think I need your help. I
know this is gonna sound like I'm trying to have
a date with you. Would you come over tonight for
dinner and just kind of keep my dog in check?
(11:30):
I have would love to have actually been really excited to.
We're gonna have a sleepover. Oh no, oh no, really, yeah,
so I'll get to hang up with you for a while.
We're gonna have some fun. Yes, I see tonight. Okay,
look we hang out at the dog park. You're coming
into my environment now, oh then this this is not good.
(11:52):
If he's falling for your owner. She's a que and
odd weirdo. You know, I know, proxy prooxident. Yeah, but
she makes you think, she really makes you think. No, no,
it's bullshit. All right, Well, we'll talk about it later tonight.
I guess whatever she says, do your own research. That's
you know, you should run run. Ah, what a mora.
(12:20):
I know you're in there. You gotta have read by
the end of the day. And I know there's dogs
in there. There's no dogs allowed them building. Just just
a couple of minutes longer he goes away, we leave
the light. It's pretty scary you I'm gonna I'm gonna, okay,
(12:48):
all right, he's gonna get out of here. Maybe no, no, no, no, no,
you can't leave because if he's out in front, we'll
see you leave in my place. Anyways, we can turn
the lights on now okay, okay, mom is gonna spit
some knowledge. Sit back and listen to this. Oh I
see that you have a pair of khakish um. Yeah
(13:10):
that's khakis. Well I imagine it's I don't know. I
don't know how they're made. So yeah, well they'd like
you to think that they would. But honestly, like if
you really want to know what they're made out of,
it to actually freak you the hell out. They made
human intestines about kathies. It's not it's not embarrassing. You're
(13:33):
talk Oh, shut, I don't know who that is. Well,
usually my landlord knocks, I'll get it. Hello, it's rufus,
it's rufus. What are you doing here here to bust
you guys out? I just had a feeling is going bad? Yeah,
(13:54):
let's you want to get out of here? Okay, okay, yeah, look,
I'm gonna go ahead and knock the food off the table.
Run around all confused because I'm a big dog, I'm
all gangly and I'm all lives, and you know that
will give your chance to get out to bad. Go there, okay,
chanceces you just let that say Bernard in our house.
And if I'm having a conversation. Let the dog whiskey.
(14:21):
We're getting the funk out of here. Yeah. So this
apartment was previously rented out by attendant who had a dog,
and I knew he did. Alright, So just for the record,
if you do bring a dog into my building, the
victories so quick. But besides that, as you can see,
there is one hanging light which is yours to use,
(14:44):
as well as a bathtub exposed at the back of
the room. Sounds good. I'm a person. Yeah, we're all.
We're a person. We're a person in person. Good, good, good. Alright,
rent is do at the end of the month every
month in his damn? Okay, got it all right? It
gives us an extra hum. So manna need a deposit
(15:06):
right now? Oh that's how they get you checko pooping
a box or something. I don't know what he needs.
I'm gonna need money. What do you mean pooping a box?
Those that that's a slang for make a deposit and
your landlord's account. Remember, damn, I'm not gonna be able
(15:30):
to show this room. That's our first. It's just a room.
It's just a room. See to us Scott who wrote
Hello otomist, Scott from Utah here, longtime listener, first time caller.
(15:51):
Just like everybody else, I'm happy that this show seems
to be the only normal thing left after COVID. I
like listening to this podcast while I'm doing Utah things,
you know, Utah things. As for my favorite scene, snoofa
on the Jerry Springer Show has yet to be topped. Anyways,
I'd like to draw from personal experience from my scene selection.
(16:11):
I work as an environmental engineer, which is Latin for
poop water expert. Because my job is so shitty, it
has almost zero cultural significance, so I would like for
your team to help raise awareness of such a maybe
important impress profession. My scene is a day in the
life of wastewater treatment. Guys don't know anything about wastewater.
(16:32):
That's okay. Here's a few phrases to help you sound legit,
mixed liquor, de watering, and of course odor control. Thanks
for making our days just a little more weird. Scott, Yeah,
I don't know it's wrong. I mean, we just they
started coming out of the tap weird, so we just
I don't know, we just started like I just let
(16:54):
her run to see if maybe maybe it was just
like a little bit of it, but it just I mean,
you can see just with the Mario brothers, but they're
booked up. So that's what we called you guys in. Okay,
Well listen, Mario brothers are great. They're great. We are better.
We're actually more of the science side. It seems. Yeah,
(17:14):
that's right, that's not going to right. We use science.
We don't just use we don't just move things and
break things and add pipes. We use science. Use science.
So are you gonna be able to fix this their?
How should we just go forward? Or yeah? So this
is how how it works. Um, I actually leave what
you see here, I leave it here and I go
underground to the watering network like the Mario brothers. No, no, no, no,
(17:40):
because okay, but I have this this, I have this
little vial here of chlorine and I test. I test
while I'm down there. You see, chlorine will kill anything exactly.
So I'm gonna go down to the underground water network.
It's a whole it's a whole world down there. You
don't need to all yourselves with it, you guys, relaxed
(18:01):
up here. I'm gonna go down there, will welcome to
the underground water network. How could I help you? Hi,
I'm actually gonna go to two four oh four to
four oh four. You got it? Make sure they have
your water bad shown Sorry, yeah, there it is careful.
(18:22):
The dripping brothers are around here somewhere. Didn't acquitted? They
were acquitted? Alright, alright, thanks so much, thanks so much.
I can't which two brothers are always dripping? Did dripp
be brothers? I'm dripping today, that's for sure, and I'm moist.
(18:52):
But what a day. There's so much precipitation in the air.
I changed sharks three times. I'm so sticky. Damn. Them's
the pits, the op pits. Ship Hey, part of me, fellows.
I'm just trying to get one and two four oh
soone's trying to get past the drippy brothers. Look at
(19:15):
the dry guy here in front of us. Drive along.
Not when you get done with the drop pep brother drop.
I don't want I don't want any problems. Look, I
just I'm here to make some liquor. Uh you know,
get that moving so too? Four o four mixed liquor.
You know what they say, fear before liquor, never sickle.
(19:40):
Let's get him dripping good liquor before fear. Did they
say we can't use the bathroom until he's done? Are
we allowed to use the bath There was no actually
there was like actually nothing said about what it was.
I guess excuse a man, there's somebody calling the Futto
water guys. We did we actually just talked to them,
(20:04):
the wastewater guys. You guys were too busy. Nobody answered
the phones. We're never too busy. What's going on? You
need us to take a look, if you don't mind
to get a second opinion. I mean, we had someone
from the Wasteman Wastewater Management Treatment. I don't know where
the hell is from, honestly, missus. He's still down there. Hey,
(20:24):
you mind if I punched this question? Mark right here?
Where did that come from? Coins? There's literally gold coins
right here in your bathroom? Those are mine you that
you can't just take you have as theres you give
secret gold coins. I mean he found those, he found
(20:47):
those coins in our house. He just punched that. You
just said that they're hits? Are there yours? Well? I'm
just so goddamn confused. Bringing the tools from the truck,
My brother, Louis you get the toes from the truck,
isn't me? Louis doesn't have to say ring to it,
but I say it anyway. It's a catchphrase. So just
(21:08):
for the record, guys, if you find any gold coins
in in in my house, those are mine. The question
marks the press we are We are not arguing now.
It's my client here has said before that she believes
that her husband or shouldn't be former husband had was
hoarding and stealing money from her, and that is one
of the reasons for the divor the divorce. Sorry, so
(21:32):
just so we're clear, yes, I mean, like he said,
he was stealing money. He said, there was like all
these coins or something in the house, like where was that?
Where was that money? When I needed my surgery? Where
is that money? Huh? Where was that? Am I allowed
to answer her directly? Or just something that I think
we're track here. This, this particular case is about three
(21:52):
missing plumbers that you both had hired. Mm hmm. It
is about that. That's why that's why I thought we're
getting divorced in and think I had anything to do
with the money. That had to do with you, didn't
You didn't think I had anything to do with that
he probably killed those plumbers. Just correct, did you you are?
You're both on the record of saying that they went
(22:13):
to an underground water network. Is that correct? Yes? I
believe that's yeah. And you think that's a real thing.
You think there's a world of water, land of swords
beneath your home. So that's what they said. I don't know,
that's that's what they said. That's what they said. Oh,
there's another drip for you. Alright, alright, I'm soaking wet already. Okay,
(22:34):
I'm soaking wet. Can I just get the two four
oh four. I'm trying to do a job here. Oh
you'll know when you're soaking wet. Yeah, you'll know. You'll
know what you're done with the drip. Guys, guys, guys.
I don't want to have to do this to you,
but I will do water you right now. Who whoa, whoa?
Put that dry gun down? You put that down. I
(22:56):
don't want anybody. This is all we got, man, This
is all we got. This is all life. Okay, we'll
cry now. I'm dripping, okay, alright, alright, okay, okay, all right.
I won't de water anything. I just need to do
a clogging situation at two four oh four. Maybe get
(23:18):
a little older control, you know what I mean? Hey,
can you let this see? And we got there. We
got a job for two four oh four. Oh, this
is an awkward what wait did you let them in?
Did they show you their bad or anything? Hey? Good, No, No,
the guy who lets me, who let me? And he
just let you guys right in. I'm about break. I
(23:38):
think that was at the end. Okay. Look, I've had
a real tough day. I don't need any more brothers
sucking with me. Look, we did know a fucker with you.
We just here to do a job. But you're not
here to do what to me with you? Yeah? So
this is the room all right? Now. I know you
(24:01):
were told me you were divorced on the phone, all right,
But I did hear gold coins in the background, so
I know you got the money, alright, So rent star
at the end of the month. And no dogs in
the building. Oh, we don't own dogs. We don't. I'm
allergic dogs. You can count at me to not have dogs.
But the hell we huh, it's just you here, buddy,
(24:21):
And you told me you were a divorce Who the
hell is we? What? Well? Is there a dog that
you're gonna bring in? Remember your dog? My goddamn bom
and building kick you. Okay, here I am finally two
four oh fourn How shit you've released me? Would you
(24:46):
like a wish Wow? I've heard about you. I'm a
what genie, I'm not a bad gin. Have you seen Wishmaster? No,
but you're a right me. You've never do you water gun?
(25:07):
Come on, I'm a magic You've never seen the wish
Master for I've never seen that West Craven Master of horror.
He produced it, he didn't direct it that. You want
us to return your copy of wish Master? I gotta
tell you there's no places the return of anymore you've had.
(25:28):
That was so long? Sorry, I was looking at my phone.
Uh yeah, just when we're just dropping it off, just
dropping it off. No, this is yours to keep. I
we haven't thought about this in years. But you've seen
(25:51):
it right well, I mean it's remember the drip And
he said hard to remember? What are you talking with that?
There's so many iconic scenes, so many good specialist effects. No,
we haven't watched it. You know why, Dad, he's a landlord.
(26:11):
He died after watch and wish mass that it does
the full life. Mans want to drip our bad Marcus drippy.
That's right. Well, look, you're no longer welcome in the
pipes of two four oh four. Okay, I gotta do
with job here. That's fine, But like, have you seen
any West Craven? I really actually don't know who you're
(26:34):
talking about, And be honest, series yea Master's Craven. I
think I honestly have heard the name, but I don't
feel like I was the name West Craven. Of course
you've heard it. It No, you're you're you're you're confusing
that with with Kim Kardashian West or whatever. Listen, who's
(26:55):
the one who did the real ten of bombs? I
don't know, I haven't seen. We didn't know. Craven is
not to be a Mario. Oh yeah, we are big
fans that people are under the stairs. The stairs, we
under the pipes, but these people do under the stand.
But then, thank you for being here, Mr Anderson, Thank
you for being here, Mr Craven. Look, there's been a
(27:16):
lot of confusion um in this in this industry, there's
just not enough room for two West's, you know what
I mean? Oh, wait, wait, were you looking for Wes Anderson,
the director of Royal tann Bombs. Yes, I'm west Anderson.
This is kind of what I'm talking about. I'm being honest.
You are Mr Craven? Is that right West Craven? Sorry? Mr?
(27:42):
I am? I am West Craven. Would you spell that
person for me? Please? Double you? Yeah? Are you a dog?
Are you talking? What can you hear? Can you hear him?
He's barking? Oh my god? You know who's at that table?
(28:02):
That's Wet Craven. That's Wet Craven over there. That you
look like a tourist when you point to people like that.
Is that Wet Craven over there? Yeah? Big fans, we're
(28:23):
dripping with admiration for you. Dance right? Hey? Would you
mind signing? Uh di perspiration sticks? Okay? Um, sorry to
hear you got divorced in the time it took me
to clear those pipes. We we're sorry too, because you know,
typically when the Mario brothers do it, they're in and
(28:44):
out and I haven't seen them. And now I've got
cops calling, and there's my wife's gone, hold on it
all happened down there. I'm trying to figure this out too,
because I was playing out the pipes at two four
oh four, the home in which you lived with your wife. No,
now you're in a new place, and I popped up here,
(29:05):
Ah the fucking water genie she did this. I bet
the genie is still in two four oh four. You
know what, Hey, do yourself a paper, get yourself dog? Okay,
fixes everything. I'm not supposed to have any You're not.
I'm allergic. I'm a moment. Oh, I'll get a talk. Okay,
thank you? What a sad guy. A long commercial for
(29:33):
adopting Dog C three is from Patreon double V I P.
Katherine Fosser or way, sir. I'm not sure w A
S E R who first wrote to us via email,
and here's that. Hello Kevin. First off, thanks for using
my first ever seen suggestion. New Astronaut arrives at I
(29:55):
S S station for six months shift. What a lovely
Christmas surprise. So now I've been listening to Alchemy this
for about six months, working my way slowly both ways
through your podcast. I bet Joey could explain how you
can time travel in both directions at once, but maybe
better not so you all make me laugh. So hard,
and after six months, I just feel like, Okay, that's
enough of a free ride. I should start supporting their
(30:17):
efforts to monetize their work via the web. This does
not come natural to me. I'm a librarian by training,
editor by trade, and I believe deeply in the information
wants to be free model because A I'm mid century
modern myself, so not native to social media land. And
B I've been more into books since the cat in
the Hat clicked for me at age five. But as
the mom of one of my best friends always said,
(30:39):
say lah, God, damn v That's why I signed up
as a patron of v i P earlier today. Okay, okay, okay,
does that sound just too smart me to be true?
You're right, I am so busted. Yeah, it's really about
getting v i P access from my scene suggestions. And
here's my ladies, I bought it. The top marketing team
of a big pharma company is meeting to finalize the
(31:00):
name of their latest drug to hit the market, which
they expect to be a huge money maker. Have fun,
Katherine from Tucson, Arizona. Now, look, we all agree that
khakis are taking a huge hit. Okay, people are finally
coming wise into what makes khaki. So we gotta figure
out something else. Okay, hello, hub up, hub up, hubbub.
(31:21):
Peas and carrots, peas and carrots, hubbub. We've already suggested,
hubbub and peas and carrots, Dwayne, that's all I got.
It just doesn't sound like a drug. It sounds like
food and a synonym for sound. And if I mean honest,
calm down. Look here, let's just background work before. I'm sorry,
I had to say that I've done background work before,
and that's the way we're talking. Okay, you bring it
(31:43):
up with every time. Christ Everyone do an adderall right now?
Everyone doing an adderall right now, Jesus, just don't snorted.
I chopped it up and snorted it. I saw what
you did. Okay, Oh my gosh. All right, listen, we
(32:03):
need to focus up. We need to get this going
with your phone. Wait a second, that's it. It's sitting
right in front of us, chopped up adderall chopped up,
chopped up, snorted up, snort was good. I put it
in my board with the board though. We just gotta
figure out what the board is. And there were goal
(32:23):
is this just the adderall talking or is this amazing
what we're doing? This is good. This is good, This
is good, This is good. Okay, okay more everyone, okay, okay, okay,
so when I did background work, when I did background work,
(32:44):
shut up? What okay? Okay, okay, okay, so good, let's
past this around. This is pretty good to here. Okay,
I mean, no extacy, ecstacy, start anything. I have the marker.
(33:04):
I'm standing in front of the white board. I had
to ask one question. Let me just play this. I
got some music right here, let me just play. Oh
oh yeah, that sounds good. Let's let's see some of
my let's do somes Okay, what the hell was? So
(33:31):
this is the reporter you're giving me? Huh? You all
look strong out of your fucking minds. We just need
a little comment. Was this whiteboard that you just brought
in here? That makes no goddamn sense. That's a picture.
We drew a cheeseburg and it sir, So what do
you have for me? What are we gonna do? Cheeseburger? Um?
(33:51):
I think what we're trying to say is we probably
need twenty four one more day, just one more with
this close, with this close there, I'm going to give
you not only day. I'm gonna give you a week,
and I want to make sure that you guys can
focus soul. You're being sent to Las Vegas. You gave
them another week? Yes, can you pass the grady? What's
the problem? Dad? Huh? You put me in charge of this,
(34:13):
didn't you. I'm gonna get it done. If we don't
come up with a name for this new drug, then
little farm is gonna take over. Boys yelling at the
dinner table, Grandpa, We're sorry, but listen, I'm in charge
of this now. This is my time. This is our opportunity. Guys,
this is gonna be a little farmer's day. Think about it.
(34:34):
We've just been growing drugs in the backyard for years
and we can we can do this. We have an opportunity.
It's time for a little farmer to step up. Who's
got ideas? Who's got ideas? We gotta do this. U huh?
What was the reason why we're a little farmer? Guys?
(34:55):
That it showed right up alright is penthouse in Vegas.
This is where the ideas, This is where the ideas flow.
Speaking to flow. Yeah, look I'm looking down to the strip.
I see a little farmer here, Little farmers here too?
Oh are you locking kidding me? They might be here,
but do they have t sto here with us? They don't,
(35:18):
they don't, they don't. Alright, guys, this is I got
us little something for the weekend. Okay, just so we
can get our minds right. Okay, now this is fucking
pure grade heroin. He weend. You started when questions about
there you go everybody that was still in there. Jeez,
(35:42):
that's a that's a plastic nozzle. Ye there man, I
can't get it out. All right, go round table right now,
spin on names und table. Okay, cool, galahad good. I
like it, Arthur, Arthur, I like Berlin thing. Now? Who
(36:04):
the somebody orders some chicks and nuggets both genders. That's
not what I want. I want to take nuggets. Dad,
Just listen to me. It's gonna be fine. Okay. Could
(36:26):
someone pass the gravy please? How much are we spending
on this Vegas weekend? Nothing? Minimal cost at a couple
of hundred million, nothing, just to get the juices flowing?
Uh huh. Do we have a name yet? That's what
we need a name for the product. Right now. It's cheeseburger.
(36:47):
I like it like this is a This is an antidepressant.
And what's more antidepressant that cheeseburger. Look I like cheeseburgers,
like where you have to check with legal. She's dead,
She's sucking dead. Guys. This guy's waving his dick in
my face. Get out of your nuggets. You killed this
(37:10):
chicken for sure, no one be practical. Just bury her
under these thousand dollar bills that they gave us. Okay, okay, okay,
we get a dog, right, we put a dog because
he put the dog up, piece of the dog in
(37:31):
her up. We came out of my nose and im
pale nuggets nuggets with my whippet. Okay, Tiesto saw at all.
He's trying to go to the door. Someone stopped, Tiesto.
Get him, get just sto. Okay, so you're telling me
(37:58):
we have to cover up a multiple murder. Now, the
one thing I'm telling you is that we gonna don't
call me man gives give me the gray beans, give
your grandather green beats. All right, listen, I guess some
bad news. Okay, bad news Papa and people. Okay, it
looks like my marketing team has uh, kill someone, kill someone,
(38:27):
pest the gravy. There are multiple gravies in front of you,
in front of you. Fine, are you sad? Are you down?
You don't have to be cheeseburger for you know you're
(38:49):
in there. Don't make a stone, make a sound, guys,
don't make a sound. Man. If we're all the human
we can get this cheeseburger looks so good. I mean
I look kind of you when i'm big. Hey, you
do rufus. We should send you to the pharmacy and
get some cheese. Go to the pharmacy. Yeah, yeah, go
(39:10):
to the pharmacy. I'll go get someburger. Next. Hello is
me doctor Morris? Fish bine here? Big up? Uh re
refilling gede burger? Are you thirsty? Do you want some
of my neck whiskey? I'm fine? Thank you? Doctor. I mean,
(39:36):
what do you mean you went out for a drink
with a customer? Nothing? Is he's a doctor, he's a regular.
It's nothing. He's a doctor. So because I'm not a doctor,
because your father doesn't think that what I do for
a living is good enough, because I'm in waste water management,
you can just go have drinks with your customers now,
is that right? Look, my dad doesn't like you because
(39:59):
you don't know any of his his immense catalog of work.
All right, he's the master of horror. Oh what are
we doing? What are we doing? I don't know, but
it feels so right, it feels so right. I don't know. Oh,
I'm flying, I'm flying. Oh, come lady, you didn't jump
(40:20):
out of the building. Alright, bad news. Everybody gather roll
turns out cheeseburger. It's a side effect cheeseburger, and it
makes you think he would kill somebody. Man, Daniel, Daniel,
we'll talk about that. Talking about that, I can still
see that whippet shooting into his brain. Shut the funk up,
(40:44):
Shut up. You're really hanging out by a threat. Here, guys,
Tiesto is laying low. But he could go forward with
this information and anytime because no one tackled him. Just
let him go out. A lot of us made a
lot of bad decisions that weekend. And look, did we
include the side effects in that commercial? I mean no,
we gotta just do the same commercial. Daniel. We're gonna
(41:07):
need you to read outside effects. Okay, can you do
that for ust man? All right? All right, here we go.
Are you sad depressed? You don't have to be. Ask
your doctor if Hamburger is right for you. Shacks inability
(41:32):
for dud earworms. Look, I'm just coming and get the
less of my stuff and then I'm out of here. Okay, okay,
here with me. I'm going to talk to my ex.
Just give me a second. I didn't. When did you
get the new Talk New talk? More like new Man.
(41:56):
He's a doctor. I'm doctor more fish mine. Oh, Janet, team,
I just coming over here for a second. Why are
you going to propose me? No, let's just have a secret.
I'd like to tell you, okay, Janet, that that that's
a dog, or it's a person that's not wearing any
(42:17):
clothes except for a necklace that has a barrel of
whiskey around his neck. Janet, you're smarter than this. You're
the one that stopped me so much. Don't you see
what you're doing? You got your You're with a dog.
You are so sad. You are so sad, halfne in
your new life with all your gold coins. All right,
(42:38):
we got a problem, guys. A little farmer came up
with Hamburger. Put your mouth in the barrel. This guy
you're all here, you're all here. We had you. He's right.
(43:04):
They just released Hamburger. That the commercials on TV right now?
Are you said? Are you the press? You should dry
Hamburger because the dripping brothers loving brothers side effects may
include dripping, And that's right. But that's the side of
(43:27):
that's pretty much it pretty much. That's the drippingge Is
that the whole commercial? Yeah, it sounds like they stole
our product and they just sit there like, not saying
anything for another twenty five seconds. It's kind of soothing
in a weird I figured it out. I figured it out, Daniel.
(43:48):
There's only one bullet in this wenna. A quick round
of roulette. Okay, that kind of roulette, that's not a
spinning kind of spinning the guns? Why do you snort it?
Do I snort it? Wait? Wait, we'll see what We'll
see who it lands on. We'll see who it lands on.
Oh well, I'm not I don't care. I'm still spinning.
(44:09):
It's still spinning, spinning. Well, I don't care where lands
I'm not going to click that thing not stopping spinning.
Maybe maybe maybe we've been insected by small pharma. What
the small so as you can see, the patients who
(44:32):
were given the placebo felt okay. But the four gentlemen
in that room they were giving high dousins of cheeseburger.
It turns out there are some pretty radical side effects.
When you say radical, I just want to make sure
that we are on the same page, because I think
(44:52):
that sounds kind of radical. Take a look through that
two way mirror, sir. Do you see you see that?
Those men they think they've killed somebody. They think they've
got on a bender, they think they've been all over
you ever ever looked at these mirrors and think like, hey,
what if? What if we could see through it? Shut
the funk up? Shut the funk up. We kill somebody, man,
(45:18):
we kill somebody, We took a life. That means that,
that means just have you seen found destination? Have you
seen found this detination? I don't know. I think so.
I think it's great. Is it not? Is it not?
I don't know? Is it I? No, I don't know
anymore not. I don't know if it is. I don't
(45:40):
know if it is. Do do do do do Chester
chests here here here's some me to you. Tripping, oh
ship tripping No, No, I see him too. I see
him too, boff Y. Can I make a wish? Yeah?
(46:03):
I still think radical sounds good. I mean, they look
like they're having a fun time. Look, it's up to you, Okay,
we just we run. We run the test here, you do,
you do what you want with with the fund. So
you're telling me that as long as I advertise that
these pills might give people a radical time, that my
company will be safe because we've disclosed the truth. I
(46:25):
think that's accurate. Yeah, No, it's a nude. It's up
to you. You can release them now, or or we
can put them down. Oh I didn't know we could
put it down. Put them down, Oh, put them down. Okay.
Hey guys, hey, hey, hey, a couple of things. You're fine.
(46:53):
You're fine, and that's our show. Thank you to your alchemists.
See what they're up to. Chris Oliverado, Hey, thank you
so much. That was so much fun. Cole, it's so
(47:14):
fun to have you um guesting again. We just love
you so much. Thanks. Of course you got some of
my stuff at Chris I'll burn on Instagram Chris dash
dot com for some website fun. Thank you everybody. It's
Craig Tikowski. Yeah, let's get some action on that Alchemy
this reddit page, you know some chatter and uh you know,
follow Alchemy that to uh immediately find out if the
(47:37):
episode you just listened to is any good or not.
Jay z h Yeah, thanks for tuning in. Check out
bear Supply on Twitch every Wednesday at eight p m pst.
Uh It's Twitch dot tv. Slash bs Comedy, Nice Joey Greer,
(47:59):
check me out online of God bless chim Chum spelled
exactly as you think. Thank you too, Tighter clothes and
I'm cool Stratton, Take me out at at Cool Stratton
or at Stratton Cole. On social media, please go to
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(48:21):
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(48:42):
us at your name here at alchemy this dot com.
That's your name here at alchemy this dot com until
next time, And a football pepper and a football pepper.
(49:20):
Al
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID nineteen edition.
I'm your host, Cool Stratton subbing in for Kevin fun
to be here always. Let's meet her Alchemist, shall we?
In particular order? Let's say hey to Craigwski. Craig, if
you were a wrestler, what would your personaby? I think
it would be kind of sweet, you know, and very pacifistic,
(00:29):
and like every time a match would start, like I'd
about to be about to get in the ring and
be like, no, I'm good, you got this. You know
you got this. Bro. He's never won or participated in
a match, exactly. I love it. Pacifist Patsy is his name?
(00:49):
Please welcome back, Mr James. He need he need. If
you had to choose, what would your catchphrase be? Oh? Jeez,
that's an open ended question. I think it would be
uh huh no no no, no no, no, no no no. Can
I have one second? Can I have? Can you come
(01:09):
back to phrases? Can I have one second? That's good?
Wait no, I don't want that. That's a good one. Wait, well,
it is open ended. It's either gonna be that or
oh that's an open ended question. One of those two
I think you're good with boy. Look over there, it's
Chris Alvarado, whoa puppy cam. Puppy cam, Chris. Uh, if
(01:33):
you were voted most likely to whatever in high school,
what would it have been? Or if you were what
was it? I was a class clown. Um, that's not good.
People are afraid of clowns. Yeah. Well, also turns out
class clown in my unfunny high school it was easy.
You know what I means? Can they come around these pros, dude,
(01:54):
and I'm like the least funniest person, so maybe most
likely to be the unfunniest person in the comedy scenario?
Very specific, very specific. Yeah that's right. Yeah, sure. At last,
it's Joey Greer. Joey looking back. What's a fashion choice
(02:18):
you wish you hadn't made? Oh? Too tight of clothes?
And just in general, there was a moment where I
was wearing too tight of clothes and it didn't help anybody.
Nobody wanted it, And I'm glad that time has past.
Two tighter clothes. Then they don't let you try on
(02:42):
clothes a Goodwill anymore. So you have to just get
home and put it on, and that's your catchphrase, James,
that's your catchphrase. Let's do it our show, shall we?
All of our scenes suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails,
or from our Patreon v I P s. To become
a Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content
and other perks, just head on over to patreon dot
(03:04):
com slash alchemy this. You'd like to submit a CE
suggestion via email, please write to the podcast at your
name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your name
here at alchemy. This seene one is from Patreon and
v I P Jessica Green, who wrote, Hello Alchemy. This
is the light at the end of the tunnel, the
peanut to my butter, the well. I can't think of
(03:27):
any more saying, so I'm just trying to say you're
all wicked, Pissa. Every person I've heard on this podcast,
guests included, has brought me close to pe laughing. Anyways,
my suggestion is that a dog owner can suddenly communicate
with their dog and the dog is much more gruff
than expected. Keep on keeping on ps Kevin, I don't
think you get enough love from the fans. You're awesome, Bud.
(03:49):
I'd like to thank you as a pod father, the
one who created it all. Jess will pass it on
to Kevin for you. He'll never hear it. He'll never
hear it. Boom. Listen, all right, you got to pay
rent by the end of the day. And I know
you've got a dog in there. There's no good damn
dogs a lot and it's a babment. Good boy, good boy. Ok.
(04:12):
He doesn't know we're in here. He's gone. What an idiot? Ah.
I think I think he does know we were in here. What.
I think he knows we were And I think that's
why he was not out on the door. Um hm,
(04:33):
Buster here, you're talking to me. Yeah, my name is
not Buster Pal, but my name is Claudius Claudius. Yes,
like the Roman emperor. Oh I didn't Yeah, like the
Roman emperor Claudius. Yeah that makes sense, more of a nickname. Well,
(04:55):
it's kind of the name I gave you so in
your minds. All right, this, this whole litter is adoptable.
Just take your time, feel which one you think you need.
All right, visit with the dogs, sir, Okay, okay, let's see.
They all look pretty much just like dogs do they
(05:16):
have different personalities all as to the throne. But Claudius
here thinks himself to be the one chosen. Don't don't
call it. Don't call attention, and it's not the blood
of kings flow through all of us. Claudius, the crown,
his head go forth Bloodius. Are they having a conversation
(05:37):
with each other? It looks like they're talking to each other.
Notice how all the other ones kind of acquiesced to
that one there in the middle. I mean, I don't
know the word aqueous um, could you they're kind of
Notice how they're kind of like bowing down there, you know,
putting their heads to the ground. The word acquius. Oh hell,
oh hell, claud stop it, guys, Stop it, guys, you're
(05:58):
calling attention to me. He's see that that one puppy
over there has like a little horn and keep blowing
it every time that that one in the middle there
moves forward. Uh sue as. I guess I'll take the
one that horn away. What are you doing? It's fitting
for you, Claudius. I guess I'll take the one that
(06:20):
looks like royalty. Worst day of my life. Oh, come on,
I've given you a good life buster, nothing but dog
food for four years. But but but I okay, Well,
what do you want to eat? Anything in the fridge?
(06:40):
Anything in the fridge, Well, I mean, yeah, okay, anything
in the fridge. You're gonna let me have that that
A size smoothie. Oh I guess are you sure it's
good for you? Should I google that? Or it's it's active? Hey, Claudius,
welcome back to the dog mark man, I remember running
(07:01):
so fastinated What are you been up to? Well? I finally,
uh was able to communicate with my owner. What Yeah, yeah,
I finally got his wavelength like four years late. Ship.
I've been trying to talk to him this entire time.
We know we're rooting for you, So what's up? Oh
my god, it's Clorious. It's Clorious, the one dog who
(07:22):
ship don't actually stink? How about down I acquiesce to you. Okay, Well,
it looks like Rufus learned a new word. All the
dogs know it rufus. Okay, you know what? My as
smells like? Rufus. Okay, just can't get enough rufus. Claudius
has has good news. He finally he finally communicated with
(07:45):
his owner. Yeah. I don't know if that's good news,
but yeah, yeah, we're talking. Now, Janet, have you ever
heard your dog? I don't know. I sit down, sit,
What was that? Have you ever heard your dog like
say something? Me and my dog talk all the time.
I love talking to my dogs. You know dogs can
(08:07):
hear you. Well, no, they cannot only just hear you.
They can understand you. Yeah, I know. It's amazing. Dogs
are like one of the most fantastic creatures in the world.
When I think about dogs, I think about like pure humanity.
I think dogs are like the purest form of humans.
All right, miss, everybody is adoptable. Here. Just take a
look at them and figure out which one you want. Okay,
(08:29):
Oh my god, they're also cute. Um, let's see, Oh
my gosh. Do you want to ask a couple of
questions and just like to get to like to see
like which one I might like. I don't know if
you know this, but dogs can hear you really? Yeah, science,
(08:51):
Well go ahead, you know, ask questions, ask away, you know,
to try to observe my questions. What you said science? Afterwards,
I didn't understand. It's a science of auditory hearing. Look,
why don't you go ahead and just just talk to
the dog. See who you want? Al Right, guys, this
is a big day for me, So don't suck it up. Okay, Okay,
here's she comes. Okay, like auditory, like auditorium. Just I'm
(09:15):
sorry I brought it up. Just go ahead. And you
know I love learning. I love learning that, I love
understanding things. And you know, so I talked to my
plants and like I'm gonna, I'm gonna here. I did
know that, Yeah, I go. I don't think, Channon, I
don't think you're talking about the same kind of talking
(09:36):
as I'm talking about. I'm telling you that I've been
outwitted by my dog. I feel like, put that hammer down.
But it's going on over there, Channing. My dog found
a hammer. Look, I think I do know what you're
talking about. I think you're talking to your dogs. My
dog is talking to me, and he's using sometimes verse psychology,
(10:01):
so clouds. So what you know what you can do today?
Then what's up? You know they communicate, what's what's the
next step? Well, I'm gonna have a healthier dinner, that's
for sure. Yeah. Yeah, so good, so good, Yeah, just
more balanced. I'm having some Brussels sprouts and uh as
si smoothie. Oh, I've heard about those, Um, I don't.
(10:21):
He doesn't have those hes as some yellowish liquid called
mountains something that's all he drinks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I
mean and what you know the stuff they feed us
that's like ground up intestines and ship like that. I
know it's tascross. I mean, we'll eat, we'll eat it,
(10:42):
We're do, but be nice to have something better. And
that's exactly where I've landed, because I'm like, why be antioxidant?
I'm pro oxidant? Do you know what I mean? Like,
do you know what oxidants are bad? I don't know
what oxidants are bad. Actually, it's something I've never really
considered before. Think of this for a second, because I
was I saw this meme that really like explained a
(11:04):
lot of it, which was occident is oxy clean, which
is oxygen very clean. And Dent is like Harvey Dent
from the Batman sands. Have you seen that You're smarter
than I am? I think I need your help. I
know this is gonna sound like I'm trying to have
a date with you. Would you come over tonight for
dinner and just kind of keep my dog in check?
(11:30):
I have would love to have actually been really excited to.
We're gonna have a sleepover. Oh no, oh no, really, yeah,
so I'll get to hang up with you for a while.
We're gonna have some fun. Yes, I see tonight. Okay,
look we hang out at the dog park. You're coming
into my environment now, oh then this this is not good.
(11:52):
If he's falling for your owner. She's a que and
odd weirdo. You know, I know, proxy prooxident. Yeah, but
she makes you think, she really makes you think. No, no,
it's bullshit. All right, Well, we'll talk about it later tonight.
I guess whatever she says, do your own research. That's
you know, you should run run. Ah, what a mora.
(12:20):
I know you're in there. You gotta have read by
the end of the day. And I know there's dogs
in there. There's no dogs allowed them building. Just just
a couple of minutes longer he goes away, we leave
the light. It's pretty scary you I'm gonna I'm gonna, okay,
(12:48):
all right, he's gonna get out of here. Maybe no, no, no, no, no,
you can't leave because if he's out in front, we'll
see you leave in my place. Anyways, we can turn
the lights on now okay, okay, mom is gonna spit
some knowledge. Sit back and listen to this. Oh I
see that you have a pair of khakish um. Yeah
(13:10):
that's khakis. Well I imagine it's I don't know. I
don't know how they're made. So yeah, well they'd like
you to think that they would. But honestly, like if
you really want to know what they're made out of,
it to actually freak you the hell out. They made
human intestines about kathies. It's not it's not embarrassing. You're
(13:33):
talk Oh, shut, I don't know who that is. Well,
usually my landlord knocks, I'll get it. Hello, it's rufus,
it's rufus. What are you doing here here to bust
you guys out? I just had a feeling is going bad? Yeah,
(13:54):
let's you want to get out of here? Okay, okay, yeah, look,
I'm gonna go ahead and knock the food off the table.
Run around all confused because I'm a big dog, I'm
all gangly and I'm all lives, and you know that
will give your chance to get out to bad. Go there, okay,
chanceces you just let that say Bernard in our house.
And if I'm having a conversation. Let the dog whiskey.
(14:21):
We're getting the funk out of here. Yeah. So this
apartment was previously rented out by attendant who had a dog,
and I knew he did. Alright, So just for the record,
if you do bring a dog into my building, the
victories so quick. But besides that, as you can see,
there is one hanging light which is yours to use,
(14:44):
as well as a bathtub exposed at the back of
the room. Sounds good. I'm a person. Yeah, we're all.
We're a person. We're a person in person. Good, good, good. Alright,
rent is do at the end of the month every
month in his damn? Okay, got it all right? It
gives us an extra hum. So manna need a deposit
(15:06):
right now? Oh that's how they get you checko pooping
a box or something. I don't know what he needs.
I'm gonna need money. What do you mean pooping a box?
Those that that's a slang for make a deposit and
your landlord's account. Remember, damn, I'm not gonna be able
(15:30):
to show this room. That's our first. It's just a room.
It's just a room. See to us Scott who wrote
Hello otomist, Scott from Utah here, longtime listener, first time caller.
(15:51):
Just like everybody else, I'm happy that this show seems
to be the only normal thing left after COVID. I
like listening to this podcast while I'm doing Utah things,
you know, Utah things. As for my favorite scene, snoofa
on the Jerry Springer Show has yet to be topped. Anyways,
I'd like to draw from personal experience from my scene selection.
(16:11):
I work as an environmental engineer, which is Latin for
poop water expert. Because my job is so shitty, it
has almost zero cultural significance, so I would like for
your team to help raise awareness of such a maybe
important impress profession. My scene is a day in the
life of wastewater treatment. Guys don't know anything about wastewater.
(16:32):
That's okay. Here's a few phrases to help you sound legit,
mixed liquor, de watering, and of course odor control. Thanks
for making our days just a little more weird. Scott, Yeah,
I don't know it's wrong. I mean, we just they
started coming out of the tap weird, so we just
I don't know, we just started like I just let
(16:54):
her run to see if maybe maybe it was just
like a little bit of it, but it just I mean,
you can see just with the Mario brothers, but they're
booked up. So that's what we called you guys in. Okay,
Well listen, Mario brothers are great. They're great. We are better.
We're actually more of the science side. It seems. Yeah,
(17:14):
that's right, that's not going to right. We use science.
We don't just use we don't just move things and
break things and add pipes. We use science. Use science.
So are you gonna be able to fix this their?
How should we just go forward? Or yeah? So this
is how how it works. Um, I actually leave what
you see here, I leave it here and I go
underground to the watering network like the Mario brothers. No, no, no, no,
(17:40):
because okay, but I have this this, I have this
little vial here of chlorine and I test. I test
while I'm down there. You see, chlorine will kill anything exactly.
So I'm gonna go down to the underground water network.
It's a whole it's a whole world down there. You
don't need to all yourselves with it, you guys, relaxed
(18:01):
up here. I'm gonna go down there, will welcome to
the underground water network. How could I help you? Hi,
I'm actually gonna go to two four oh four to
four oh four. You got it? Make sure they have
your water bad shown Sorry, yeah, there it is careful.
(18:22):
The dripping brothers are around here somewhere. Didn't acquitted? They
were acquitted? Alright, alright, thanks so much, thanks so much.
I can't which two brothers are always dripping? Did dripp
be brothers? I'm dripping today, that's for sure, and I'm moist.
(18:52):
But what a day. There's so much precipitation in the air.
I changed sharks three times. I'm so sticky. Damn. Them's
the pits, the op pits. Ship Hey, part of me, fellows.
I'm just trying to get one and two four oh
soone's trying to get past the drippy brothers. Look at
(19:15):
the dry guy here in front of us. Drive along.
Not when you get done with the drop pep brother drop.
I don't want I don't want any problems. Look, I
just I'm here to make some liquor. Uh you know,
get that moving so too? Four o four mixed liquor.
You know what they say, fear before liquor, never sickle.
(19:40):
Let's get him dripping good liquor before fear. Did they
say we can't use the bathroom until he's done? Are
we allowed to use the bath There was no actually
there was like actually nothing said about what it was.
I guess excuse a man, there's somebody calling the Futto
water guys. We did we actually just talked to them,
(20:04):
the wastewater guys. You guys were too busy. Nobody answered
the phones. We're never too busy. What's going on? You
need us to take a look, if you don't mind
to get a second opinion. I mean, we had someone
from the Wasteman Wastewater Management Treatment. I don't know where
the hell is from, honestly, missus. He's still down there. Hey,
(20:24):
you mind if I punched this question? Mark right here?
Where did that come from? Coins? There's literally gold coins
right here in your bathroom? Those are mine you that
you can't just take you have as theres you give
secret gold coins. I mean he found those, he found
(20:47):
those coins in our house. He just punched that. You
just said that they're hits? Are there yours? Well? I'm
just so goddamn confused. Bringing the tools from the truck,
My brother, Louis you get the toes from the truck,
isn't me? Louis doesn't have to say ring to it,
but I say it anyway. It's a catchphrase. So just
(21:08):
for the record, guys, if you find any gold coins
in in in my house, those are mine. The question
marks the press we are We are not arguing now.
It's my client here has said before that she believes
that her husband or shouldn't be former husband had was
hoarding and stealing money from her, and that is one
of the reasons for the divor the divorce. Sorry, so
(21:32):
just so we're clear, yes, I mean, like he said,
he was stealing money. He said, there was like all
these coins or something in the house, like where was that?
Where was that money? When I needed my surgery? Where
is that money? Huh? Where was that? Am I allowed
to answer her directly? Or just something that I think
we're track here. This, this particular case is about three
(21:52):
missing plumbers that you both had hired. Mm hmm. It
is about that. That's why that's why I thought we're
getting divorced in and think I had anything to do
with the money. That had to do with you, didn't
You didn't think I had anything to do with that
he probably killed those plumbers. Just correct, did you you are?
You're both on the record of saying that they went
(22:13):
to an underground water network. Is that correct? Yes? I
believe that's yeah. And you think that's a real thing.
You think there's a world of water, land of swords
beneath your home. So that's what they said. I don't know,
that's that's what they said. That's what they said. Oh,
there's another drip for you. Alright, alright, I'm soaking wet already. Okay,
(22:34):
I'm soaking wet. Can I just get the two four
oh four. I'm trying to do a job here. Oh
you'll know when you're soaking wet. Yeah, you'll know. You'll
know what you're done with the drip. Guys, guys, guys.
I don't want to have to do this to you,
but I will do water you right now. Who whoa, whoa?
Put that dry gun down? You put that down. I
(22:56):
don't want anybody. This is all we got, man, This
is all we got. This is all life. Okay, we'll
cry now. I'm dripping, okay, alright, alright, okay, okay, all right.
I won't de water anything. I just need to do
a clogging situation at two four oh four. Maybe get
(23:18):
a little older control, you know what I mean? Hey,
can you let this see? And we got there. We
got a job for two four oh four. Oh, this
is an awkward what wait did you let them in?
Did they show you their bad or anything? Hey? Good, No, No,
the guy who lets me, who let me? And he
just let you guys right in. I'm about break. I
(23:38):
think that was at the end. Okay. Look, I've had
a real tough day. I don't need any more brothers
sucking with me. Look, we did know a fucker with you.
We just here to do a job. But you're not
here to do what to me with you? Yeah? So
this is the room all right? Now. I know you
(24:01):
were told me you were divorced on the phone, all right,
But I did hear gold coins in the background, so
I know you got the money, alright, So rent star
at the end of the month. And no dogs in
the building. Oh, we don't own dogs. We don't. I'm
allergic dogs. You can count at me to not have dogs.
But the hell we huh, it's just you here, buddy,
(24:21):
And you told me you were a divorce Who the
hell is we? What? Well? Is there a dog that
you're gonna bring in? Remember your dog? My goddamn bom
and building kick you. Okay, here I am finally two
four oh fourn How shit you've released me? Would you
(24:46):
like a wish Wow? I've heard about you. I'm a
what genie, I'm not a bad gin. Have you seen Wishmaster? No,
but you're a right me. You've never do you water gun?
(25:07):
Come on, I'm a magic You've never seen the wish
Master for I've never seen that West Craven Master of horror.
He produced it, he didn't direct it that. You want
us to return your copy of wish Master? I gotta
tell you there's no places the return of anymore you've had.
(25:28):
That was so long? Sorry, I was looking at my phone.
Uh yeah, just when we're just dropping it off, just
dropping it off. No, this is yours to keep. I
we haven't thought about this in years. But you've seen
(25:51):
it right well, I mean it's remember the drip And
he said hard to remember? What are you talking with that?
There's so many iconic scenes, so many good specialist effects. No,
we haven't watched it. You know why, Dad, he's a landlord.
(26:11):
He died after watch and wish mass that it does
the full life. Mans want to drip our bad Marcus drippy.
That's right. Well, look, you're no longer welcome in the
pipes of two four oh four. Okay, I gotta do
with job here. That's fine, But like, have you seen
any West Craven? I really actually don't know who you're
(26:34):
talking about, And be honest, series yea Master's Craven. I
think I honestly have heard the name, but I don't
feel like I was the name West Craven. Of course
you've heard it. It No, you're you're you're you're confusing
that with with Kim Kardashian West or whatever. Listen, who's
(26:55):
the one who did the real ten of bombs? I
don't know, I haven't seen. We didn't know. Craven is
not to be a Mario. Oh yeah, we are big
fans that people are under the stairs. The stairs, we
under the pipes, but these people do under the stand.
But then, thank you for being here, Mr Anderson, Thank
you for being here, Mr Craven. Look, there's been a
(27:16):
lot of confusion um in this in this industry, there's
just not enough room for two West's, you know what
I mean? Oh, wait, wait, were you looking for Wes Anderson,
the director of Royal tann Bombs. Yes, I'm west Anderson.
This is kind of what I'm talking about. I'm being honest.
You are Mr Craven? Is that right West Craven? Sorry? Mr?
(27:42):
I am? I am West Craven. Would you spell that
person for me? Please? Double you? Yeah? Are you a dog?
Are you talking? What can you hear? Can you hear him?
He's barking? Oh my god? You know who's at that table?
(28:02):
That's Wet Craven. That's Wet Craven over there. That you
look like a tourist when you point to people like that.
Is that Wet Craven over there? Yeah? Big fans, we're
(28:23):
dripping with admiration for you. Dance right? Hey? Would you
mind signing? Uh di perspiration sticks? Okay? Um, sorry to
hear you got divorced in the time it took me
to clear those pipes. We we're sorry too, because you know,
typically when the Mario brothers do it, they're in and
(28:44):
out and I haven't seen them. And now I've got
cops calling, and there's my wife's gone, hold on it
all happened down there. I'm trying to figure this out too,
because I was playing out the pipes at two four
oh four, the home in which you lived with your wife. No,
now you're in a new place, and I popped up here,
(29:05):
Ah the fucking water genie she did this. I bet
the genie is still in two four oh four. You
know what, Hey, do yourself a paper, get yourself dog? Okay,
fixes everything. I'm not supposed to have any You're not.
I'm allergic. I'm a moment. Oh, I'll get a talk. Okay,
thank you? What a sad guy. A long commercial for
(29:33):
adopting Dog C three is from Patreon double V I P.
Katherine Fosser or way, sir. I'm not sure w A
S E R who first wrote to us via email,
and here's that. Hello Kevin. First off, thanks for using
my first ever seen suggestion. New Astronaut arrives at I
(29:55):
S S station for six months shift. What a lovely
Christmas surprise. So now I've been listening to Alchemy this
for about six months, working my way slowly both ways
through your podcast. I bet Joey could explain how you
can time travel in both directions at once, but maybe
better not so you all make me laugh. So hard,
and after six months, I just feel like, Okay, that's
enough of a free ride. I should start supporting their
(30:17):
efforts to monetize their work via the web. This does
not come natural to me. I'm a librarian by training,
editor by trade, and I believe deeply in the information
wants to be free model because A I'm mid century
modern myself, so not native to social media land. And
B I've been more into books since the cat in
the Hat clicked for me at age five. But as
the mom of one of my best friends always said,
(30:39):
say lah, God, damn v That's why I signed up
as a patron of v i P earlier today. Okay, okay, okay,
does that sound just too smart me to be true?
You're right, I am so busted. Yeah, it's really about
getting v i P access from my scene suggestions. And
here's my ladies, I bought it. The top marketing team
of a big pharma company is meeting to finalize the
(31:00):
name of their latest drug to hit the market, which
they expect to be a huge money maker. Have fun,
Katherine from Tucson, Arizona. Now, look, we all agree that
khakis are taking a huge hit. Okay, people are finally
coming wise into what makes khaki. So we gotta figure
out something else. Okay, hello, hub up, hub up, hubbub.
(31:21):
Peas and carrots, peas and carrots, hubbub. We've already suggested,
hubbub and peas and carrots, Dwayne, that's all I got.
It just doesn't sound like a drug. It sounds like
food and a synonym for sound. And if I mean honest,
calm down. Look here, let's just background work before. I'm sorry,
I had to say that I've done background work before,
and that's the way we're talking. Okay, you bring it
(31:43):
up with every time. Christ Everyone do an adderall right now?
Everyone doing an adderall right now, Jesus, just don't snorted.
I chopped it up and snorted it. I saw what
you did. Okay, Oh my gosh. All right, listen, we
(32:03):
need to focus up. We need to get this going
with your phone. Wait a second, that's it. It's sitting
right in front of us, chopped up adderall chopped up,
chopped up, snorted up, snort was good. I put it
in my board with the board though. We just gotta
figure out what the board is. And there were goal
(32:23):
is this just the adderall talking or is this amazing
what we're doing? This is good. This is good, This
is good, This is good. Okay, okay more everyone, okay, okay, okay,
so when I did background work, when I did background work,
(32:44):
shut up? What okay? Okay, okay, okay, so good, let's
past this around. This is pretty good to here. Okay,
I mean, no extacy, ecstacy, start anything. I have the marker.
(33:04):
I'm standing in front of the white board. I had
to ask one question. Let me just play this. I
got some music right here, let me just play. Oh
oh yeah, that sounds good. Let's let's see some of
my let's do somes Okay, what the hell was? So
(33:31):
this is the reporter you're giving me? Huh? You all
look strong out of your fucking minds. We just need
a little comment. Was this whiteboard that you just brought
in here? That makes no goddamn sense. That's a picture.
We drew a cheeseburg and it sir, So what do
you have for me? What are we gonna do? Cheeseburger? Um?
(33:51):
I think what we're trying to say is we probably
need twenty four one more day, just one more with
this close, with this close there, I'm going to give
you not only day. I'm gonna give you a week,
and I want to make sure that you guys can
focus soul. You're being sent to Las Vegas. You gave
them another week? Yes, can you pass the grady? What's
the problem? Dad? Huh? You put me in charge of this,
(34:13):
didn't you. I'm gonna get it done. If we don't
come up with a name for this new drug, then
little farm is gonna take over. Boys yelling at the
dinner table, Grandpa, We're sorry, but listen, I'm in charge
of this now. This is my time. This is our opportunity. Guys,
this is gonna be a little farmer's day. Think about it.
(34:34):
We've just been growing drugs in the backyard for years
and we can we can do this. We have an opportunity.
It's time for a little farmer to step up. Who's
got ideas? Who's got ideas? We gotta do this. U huh?
What was the reason why we're a little farmer? Guys?
(34:55):
That it showed right up alright is penthouse in Vegas.
This is where the ideas, This is where the ideas flow.
Speaking to flow. Yeah, look I'm looking down to the strip.
I see a little farmer here, Little farmers here too?
Oh are you locking kidding me? They might be here,
but do they have t sto here with us? They don't,
(35:18):
they don't, they don't. Alright, guys, this is I got
us little something for the weekend. Okay, just so we
can get our minds right. Okay, now this is fucking
pure grade heroin. He weend. You started when questions about
there you go everybody that was still in there. Jeez,
(35:42):
that's a that's a plastic nozzle. Ye there man, I
can't get it out. All right, go round table right now,
spin on names und table. Okay, cool, galahad good. I
like it, Arthur, Arthur, I like Berlin thing. Now? Who
(36:04):
the somebody orders some chicks and nuggets both genders. That's
not what I want. I want to take nuggets. Dad,
Just listen to me. It's gonna be fine. Okay. Could
(36:26):
someone pass the gravy please? How much are we spending
on this Vegas weekend? Nothing? Minimal cost at a couple
of hundred million, nothing, just to get the juices flowing?
Uh huh. Do we have a name yet? That's what
we need a name for the product. Right now. It's cheeseburger.
(36:47):
I like it like this is a This is an antidepressant.
And what's more antidepressant that cheeseburger. Look I like cheeseburgers,
like where you have to check with legal. She's dead,
She's sucking dead. Guys. This guy's waving his dick in
my face. Get out of your nuggets. You killed this
(37:10):
chicken for sure, no one be practical. Just bury her
under these thousand dollar bills that they gave us. Okay, okay, okay,
we get a dog, right, we put a dog because
he put the dog up, piece of the dog in
(37:31):
her up. We came out of my nose and im
pale nuggets nuggets with my whippet. Okay, Tiesto saw at all.
He's trying to go to the door. Someone stopped, Tiesto.
Get him, get just sto. Okay, so you're telling me
(37:58):
we have to cover up a multiple murder. Now, the
one thing I'm telling you is that we gonna don't
call me man gives give me the gray beans, give
your grandather green beats. All right, listen, I guess some
bad news. Okay, bad news Papa and people. Okay, it
looks like my marketing team has uh, kill someone, kill someone,
(38:27):
pest the gravy. There are multiple gravies in front of you,
in front of you. Fine, are you sad? Are you down?
You don't have to be cheeseburger for you know you're
(38:49):
in there. Don't make a stone, make a sound, guys,
don't make a sound. Man. If we're all the human
we can get this cheeseburger looks so good. I mean
I look kind of you when i'm big. Hey, you
do rufus. We should send you to the pharmacy and
get some cheese. Go to the pharmacy. Yeah, yeah, go
(39:10):
to the pharmacy. I'll go get someburger. Next. Hello is
me doctor Morris? Fish bine here? Big up? Uh re
refilling gede burger? Are you thirsty? Do you want some
of my neck whiskey? I'm fine? Thank you? Doctor. I mean,
(39:36):
what do you mean you went out for a drink
with a customer? Nothing? Is he's a doctor, he's a regular.
It's nothing. He's a doctor. So because I'm not a doctor,
because your father doesn't think that what I do for
a living is good enough, because I'm in waste water management,
you can just go have drinks with your customers now,
is that right? Look, my dad doesn't like you because
(39:59):
you don't know any of his his immense catalog of work.
All right, he's the master of horror. Oh what are
we doing? What are we doing? I don't know, but
it feels so right, it feels so right. I don't know. Oh,
I'm flying, I'm flying. Oh, come lady, you didn't jump
(40:20):
out of the building. Alright, bad news. Everybody gather roll
turns out cheeseburger. It's a side effect cheeseburger, and it
makes you think he would kill somebody. Man, Daniel, Daniel,
we'll talk about that. Talking about that, I can still
see that whippet shooting into his brain. Shut the funk up,
(40:44):
Shut up. You're really hanging out by a threat. Here, guys,
Tiesto is laying low. But he could go forward with
this information and anytime because no one tackled him. Just
let him go out. A lot of us made a
lot of bad decisions that weekend. And look, did we
include the side effects in that commercial? I mean no,
we gotta just do the same commercial. Daniel. We're gonna
(41:07):
need you to read outside effects. Okay, can you do
that for ust man? All right? All right, here we go.
Are you sad depressed? You don't have to be. Ask
your doctor if Hamburger is right for you. Shacks inability
(41:32):
for dud earworms. Look, I'm just coming and get the
less of my stuff and then I'm out of here. Okay, okay,
here with me. I'm going to talk to my ex.
Just give me a second. I didn't. When did you
get the new Talk New talk? More like new Man.
(41:56):
He's a doctor. I'm doctor more fish mine. Oh, Janet, team,
I just coming over here for a second. Why are
you going to propose me? No, let's just have a secret.
I'd like to tell you, okay, Janet, that that that's
a dog, or it's a person that's not wearing any
(42:17):
clothes except for a necklace that has a barrel of
whiskey around his neck. Janet, you're smarter than this. You're
the one that stopped me so much. Don't you see
what you're doing? You got your You're with a dog.
You are so sad. You are so sad, halfne in
your new life with all your gold coins. All right,
(42:38):
we got a problem, guys. A little farmer came up
with Hamburger. Put your mouth in the barrel. This guy
you're all here, you're all here. We had you. He's right.
(43:04):
They just released Hamburger. That the commercials on TV right now?
Are you said? Are you the press? You should dry
Hamburger because the dripping brothers loving brothers side effects may
include dripping, And that's right. But that's the side of
(43:27):
that's pretty much it pretty much. That's the drippingge Is
that the whole commercial? Yeah, it sounds like they stole
our product and they just sit there like, not saying
anything for another twenty five seconds. It's kind of soothing
in a weird I figured it out. I figured it out, Daniel.
(43:48):
There's only one bullet in this wenna. A quick round
of roulette. Okay, that kind of roulette, that's not a
spinning kind of spinning the guns? Why do you snort it?
Do I snort it? Wait? Wait, we'll see what We'll
see who it lands on. We'll see who it lands on.
Oh well, I'm not I don't care. I'm still spinning.
(44:09):
It's still spinning, spinning. Well, I don't care where lands
I'm not going to click that thing not stopping spinning.
Maybe maybe maybe we've been insected by small pharma. What
the small so as you can see, the patients who
(44:32):
were given the placebo felt okay. But the four gentlemen
in that room they were giving high dousins of cheeseburger.
It turns out there are some pretty radical side effects.
When you say radical, I just want to make sure
that we are on the same page, because I think
(44:52):
that sounds kind of radical. Take a look through that
two way mirror, sir. Do you see you see that?
Those men they think they've killed somebody. They think they've
got on a bender, they think they've been all over
you ever ever looked at these mirrors and think like, hey,
what if? What if we could see through it? Shut
the funk up? Shut the funk up. We kill somebody, man,
(45:18):
we kill somebody, We took a life. That means that,
that means just have you seen found destination? Have you
seen found this detination? I don't know. I think so.
I think it's great. Is it not? Is it not?
I don't know? Is it I? No, I don't know
anymore not. I don't know if it is. I don't
(45:40):
know if it is. Do do do do do Chester
chests here here here's some me to you. Tripping, oh
ship tripping No, No, I see him too. I see
him too, boff Y. Can I make a wish? Yeah?
(46:03):
I still think radical sounds good. I mean, they look
like they're having a fun time. Look, it's up to you, Okay,
we just we run. We run the test here, you do,
you do what you want with with the fund. So
you're telling me that as long as I advertise that
these pills might give people a radical time, that my
company will be safe because we've disclosed the truth. I
(46:25):
think that's accurate. Yeah, No, it's a nude. It's up
to you. You can release them now, or or we
can put them down. Oh I didn't know we could
put it down. Put them down, Oh, put them down. Okay.
Hey guys, hey, hey, hey, a couple of things. You're fine.
(46:53):
You're fine, and that's our show. Thank you to your alchemists.
See what they're up to. Chris Oliverado, Hey, thank you
so much. That was so much fun. Cole, it's so
(47:14):
fun to have you um guesting again. We just love
you so much. Thanks. Of course you got some of
my stuff at Chris I'll burn on Instagram Chris dash
dot com for some website fun. Thank you everybody. It's
Craig Tikowski. Yeah, let's get some action on that Alchemy
this reddit page, you know some chatter and uh you know,
follow Alchemy that to uh immediately find out if the
(47:37):
episode you just listened to is any good or not.
Jay z h Yeah, thanks for tuning in. Check out
bear Supply on Twitch every Wednesday at eight p m pst.
Uh It's Twitch dot tv. Slash bs Comedy, Nice Joey Greer,
(47:59):
check me out online of God bless chim Chum spelled
exactly as you think. Thank you too, Tighter clothes and
I'm cool Stratton, Take me out at at Cool Stratton
or at Stratton Cole. On social media, please go to
s S sketch Fest dot com. Our big benefit shows
on jan that's sure when this is gonna air, but
it fits before that. Please go check it out. Hundred
(48:21):
plus performers, big Stars, little Stars, big farm, a little Farma.
They're all there, so go check it out. It will
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(48:42):
us at your name here at alchemy this dot com.
That's your name here at alchemy this dot com until
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(49:20):
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Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
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Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.