May 12, 2020 • 58 mins
The Can You Buzz Me In guys get find new jobs.
High School student council picks prom theme.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode edition. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock.
Yes that's Kevin poll Yes, I believe I am that
kind of fellow. You're rat bastard. You just made me
do it again, son of a bitch, just did it again.
But I digress. Let's meet a Rackhamis. Shall you no
particular orders? Say hello to James Heeney, Jimmy the jackal
(00:25):
other than hash Browns. If you could enjoy any food
while at the cinema, what do you wish we could
all buy before taking our seat? I like nutty buddy bars,
and they don't sell them at movie theaters. So if
I could just pack my pockets with nutty buddy bars,
I'd be in heaven. Well you can. It's called contraband,
but it's yeah, that's what the rest of us are doing.
(00:47):
All those candy bars are gonna melt. What what are
they called? Nutty nutty buddy bars? I get? I get
a lot of them really cheap. I think they're like
a buck fifty for like it would be the equivalent
of ten andy bars? Are those the chocolate peanut butter
wafer style? All right? Good stuff? And and and a sponsor?
(01:12):
Uh kram It will you. There's Craig Kakowski Kakao. Has
a trained physician inserted a camera in your wrectum yet?
And if so, what do you remember from the entire experience.
I'm actually do for one this year due to my
advancing age, and I was not able to schedule my
(01:32):
annual physical due to the global pandemic. I really can't
wait to get that camera in there. It's one of
the things I'm most looking forward to. So this will
be your first, this will be my first. Congratulations, Thank you,
It's pretty exciting. Yeah, do you want to get go
into a breakout room and uh, let's discuss it for
(01:54):
for a while. No, we'll follow up after, please do.
I'd love to know more of you. A jingle? Ye
cut the grass already. It's Jessica Lowe, jess for more
not less. Who can you do an impersonation of? And
would you please? Doesn't even have to be a famous person?
(02:19):
Oh god, well there was a I can do Mrs
potato Head please? Anyone seen my eye? Right? Oh buddy,
super fantastic. Turn off the heat, damn you. It's Chris
Alvarado Chisel in the Hazel, who was the first person
(02:41):
you saw do any form of comedy in person um
that was the Jips, the Generic Improvisational peep Show. They
were a touring improv short form improv group that came
to my high school, Downey High School, and I was like,
the fuck little uh brain snap there? Yeah, that's right.
(03:04):
Oh that's awesome. And last, but cut the cheese and
call it a snack. If you think of least, it's
Joey Greer tin can Pally. When a vaccine reaches us
all and you're truly welcomed back to your life, what's
the one thing you're gonna do first? I'm not gonna go.
I'm gonna stay home. I'm enjoyed. It made a little
(03:25):
nest for myself. Uh, there's no need, you're dug in. Yeah,
probably fake my own death in some way, you know
what I mean? And then like no, I don't know
what you mean. You get it, and then just chill
at home, you know, get a micro company over in
the Bahamas. Start getting money from that. You know what
I mean? Micro company? You got what I'm saying, Just
a tiny, tiny company really take like four or five
(03:49):
bucks of months. And that I said, did a micro company?
Let me just chill it out, you know what I mean,
tiny tiny company. Okay, alright, that's my money and yeah, no,
we're gonna move on. Let's do a damn show. Uh.
Seeing suggestions today gathered from patron v i P members
or our listener emails. If you'd like to submit your
listener email, please right to the podcast. That your name
(04:09):
here at Alchemy this dot com? That again is your
name here at Alchemy. This see Number one comes from
Patreon v I P member Beaker. Y'all remember Beaker? Thank you?
James Beaker wrote, good morning, no goodmorrow. People just want
to say thank you again for all your hard work
(04:29):
and blah blah blah. We all know what goes here
now Joey and Craig's can you buzz me in? Security
guard characters get fired from the movie studio and have
to find new jobs, but they just can't seem to
make it work. Boncham's Sean from p A, Now, it's
(04:51):
really simple. All you gotta do is bring these carts
up towards the grocery store and uh and wipe them
down with this cloth and put them back in the
lane with that of Specifically, we'll know each of you
will get your own. Okay, well, you've got to be
precise with your language, because you said, so we did.
What hold on that we don't have our own We
have to bring our own cloth? Is that right? Or? Uh? No, No,
you'll be supplied with the cloth I'm just giving you.
(05:13):
So we're supplied with one cloth for the both of us. No,
you'll each get one cloth and if you need more.
There's plenty of cloths in the in the utility closet.
That's crystal clear. That's great understood to the next concept. Okay,
so we wipe these down and then we leave them here. Yeah,
that's pretty simple. We're gonna move on to the next thing.
(05:36):
Anything we wipe them with, anything, or just the cloth.
The cloths they are in the utility closset. There's microfiber
cloths in the utility closet. And there's a spray bottle
of apple cider vinegar that we'd like you guys, it's
not important. I'm just so there is a spray bottle.
I didn't know that. I thought we just had to
wipe that. Cloths from a micro company. Uh no, so
I I don't Uh, they come out of a plastic
(05:58):
bag and they're replaced by a security truck that brings
in I don't know. Yes, yes, that they came from
a micro company. I have no idea. It's just rags
that come out of like a plastic bag. And how
do they get the security truck in the plastic bag? No? No, no,
it's like an artist that they were replaced by a
security truck. Well, it's a big truck. They come around
(06:20):
with just rags, and so it's a gigantic plastic bag.
Then that's a truck in there and a bag. I
think you're misunderstanding me. What I'm saying is that we
can in these rags, but that's not important. These rags
are just used to clean these carts that the people
that get germs in their fingers from rags the riches. Hey,
(06:40):
can I see you two new guys in my office? Please? Yeah?
You can see us now? Right? Should I come in? Uh?
You know what, Steve, why don't you join us? Also,
that's a good idea because I want to ask I
want to ask the two new guys about should I
get anyone else that's new or not? I'm a new
So we say, two new guys, do you mean let's
(07:02):
go with all three of you. I'm specifically have questions
about the two of the three of you who just
had a conversation with How do you know I can
go Steve? I need you for this? Okay? Yeah? How
is the one you got your instructions from? And I
just had a question? Was he and and helpful? Was
(07:25):
he in a sink as sisting? Could you understand what
he was trying to say? Although you're having difficulty to
understanding what I'm trying to say, so maybe it's not
him at you. No, I hear what you're saying. I
hear what you're saying. Did you find house information that
he was sharing with you? His guide, his ability to
guide helpful? How would you rate it on a scale
(07:46):
of one to tempt me horrible? I guess like if
you're talking about his ability to guide, Let's say I'm
a kite, right and I'm flying in the wind and
he's holding me with a piece of string. Let's say
that and the strong gust comes along and he has
a firm grip, but the top two fingers just a
little sweaty, and the string starts to slide a little bit.
(08:08):
Um that makes Does that make sense? I don't think
I needed here. I can go. I'll go, Steve, stick around, buddy, Steve, Steve,
we need you, man. Yeah. Just I'm trying to figure
out who's going to tell how we don't need him? Great,
No talking about the stunt coordinator. How'll need him? Oh?
Oh yeah, I'm not telling him. He's huge. Yeah, he's huge.
(08:31):
Here comes knock, knock. I'm so sorry, Hey, I'm so
sorry I do interrupt. I know I've been here a
long time. But listen, all of the cans have fallen
onto the floor. They're all broken. It's like it's every
pickle can we have in this entire what's a jar?
(08:53):
I wouldn't say that's a can? Oh god, yes, god, okay.
Maybe Tina likes to call the jars cans. What why?
Why do you have to correct it? She's whaling right now?
This is jars? Idiot, idiot? What kind of cheapass cans
(09:16):
break when they hit the floor usually ten? I mean
you're some kind of metal right? Alright, gentlemen, So you
two are looking for employment as private security guards. Is
that correct? That's right, that's right. Okay, Now you will
be assigned an A list celebrity. Um, and looked at
my file real quick. Yeah, this is this is a
(09:37):
good one. We gotta how how need him? He was
a stunt coordinator in the seventies. He doesn't work here anymore.
He's been blacklisted. All right, now, what's the gentleman? Well,
right now, it's only one name on it. It's a
very very popular name. Um, so let's just went through
a couple of things. Do you understand your duties as
(09:58):
private security guards? Kelsey is a very popular name right now?
Is it Kelsey? Kelsey's a huge name right now? Or
Mike Micah's top ten? I think, oh wow, you have
a gift with that, you know that, a gift with
knowing what kind of names are popular. Wenot. We were
over at what was it the Duncan Burgers where they
make the burgers donuts. It's pretty much just donuts, but
(10:19):
they say it's burger and we were over there and
everyone in there he could guess their name without them,
even Donald. It was amazing. We were at Duncan Burgers.
Then we went over to Smash Donuts and the same thing. Okay, Well, um,
freda natural by popular name, I mean an actual celebrity,
not just you know what what names are popular? Great? Great,
(10:41):
we'll be clear in your language. Then terrific, terrific. Okay,
so um, you have to understand that you need to
put your life before the celebrity's life. Is that understood?
All right? Now it says here that you both, um,
do you have weapons? Can you show me what weapon? Oh? Yeah,
(11:02):
this is a petrified lizard that I have sharpened the
tail and the head. Thank looking at wow? Oh wow? Okay, okay,
this might work, This might work. This is a tin
can that fell off the shelf at our old job.
And you see that it's got a really jagged edge
there because of the damn the damage. That didn't work. Okay,
(11:23):
you know what. Listen, as far as I'm concerning you
two got the job. I'm gonna bring in the celebrity.
Now I have a little little meat and greet. Okay
one second, um um ms Ms Kardashian West Kim. I
don't know how to h um. They're ready to see you.
They seem like great guys. They're they're very personable, and
(11:46):
I think that they'll be great. All you gotta do
is give us the approval. Great, come on in, gentlemen,
I hope it's Mrs Potato Heads. Hi Jen, Uh, this
is I don't need to introduce her. You know she
is so we never met. I'm kim kW Kim kim
(12:08):
kW kim k w kim kW. Got it, got it.
You're acting like you don't know who I am. No, absolutely,
we know we're We're here to work for you. We're
here to put our needs before yours. Uh. We have
we have weapons. Um, one thing I'm gonna jump. I'm
just gonna jump in here really quick. Um kim kW
(12:29):
likes to be wiped down once a day with the cloth.
Do you gentlemen have cloths? Yeah, we each have a
cloth from our previous job. Apple cider vinegar soaked in.
This feels like a like a match made in heaven.
Kim kW. I mean, I don't know. They're both sweating
so much. I just here and I'm nervous. I am
(12:54):
nervous as hell. I mean, eventually they're gonna have to
meet Kanye and he's going to have to give it
his a proval because anyone who hangs around with me,
he needs to make sure they're not going to try
any funny business. I'm the power of God and love.
Oh hey, baby's going on? Hey, um, I don't know.
(13:17):
I guess they're just gonna be like watching me and
making sure no one gets too close. And where do
you keep the sugar? The sugar is right in front
of you. Man, there, there it is. He didn't ask that,
he asked where you keep it? You're looking at it.
This is always keep keep it right here? You're looking
at the sugar. Do we have a problem. Let's be
(13:38):
clear about where you put things. Just man, I'm getting
some strange vibes from this one. Okay, So do we
feel absolutely not? Absolutely not. It's a great fit. I
love to do this. Hold on, baby, why do you
think it's such a great fit? Maybe, he questioned you
(14:00):
minds me of a porcupine. I love porkepones? Why do
you Why do you think it's a great fit. I
think it's a bad fit. And talking to porkepine, pokepon,
why do you think it's good fit? Is that me
and my porcupine in my porkepline? Who's poke? Who's this
is a petrified lizard. It's not a pokepone? This is
a tin can my man? Here? Are you gonna let
(14:24):
me finish? Yep? Please do Okay, this is a tin can.
So all you need to do is you need to
put these arms, behinder this doll. We're built dolls here, okay,
and it's as it goes. So you'll be in charge
of the tour shows and then when you pass it
over here, you're gonna put all all the arms and
the legs on Twitter. Okay. So this is a micro company.
(14:45):
This is pretty a small versions. We're a small versions,
just one dollar at a time. Well, I mean it's
gonna go once this once we turn this conveyor bolt on,
it's gonna go real fast. So it is one of
I mean ever, I'd say you probably have about ten
seconds per per station. Okay, we're talking like Lucy and
(15:06):
the Chucking Factory fast. I'm saying you're probably you'll have
just enough time. And the faster you go, the faster
will make the belt move. And you just when you
get this torse with the two sides of this snap together,
you pass it and then another tour. So that's two
pieces will be together and you'll snap it together and
you'll pass it and the first door. So the faster
(15:29):
we the faster we move, the faster the belt goes
is that right. No, I mean yeah, I'll be controlling it.
I controlled the patient. The belt up here, how fast
we go? Well, when I see you can handle the speed,
did I want? I'm all right, gentlemen, I'm looking at
your resume here, seems that you have prior experience with
(15:51):
buzzing people in. Yeah. We've had four jobs this week,
by the way, Okay, I don't care. I'm only concerned
with the one where you buzz people into a door.
Can you do? I will say the lead of the
last one we had, we had to make a doll.
We had to snap a torso onto another tour so
and the belt got faster and fact, it was just
us in the in the room. It was excited. It
was like something out of a hell need a movie. Okay,
(16:13):
it looks something like a dental annex building, you know
what I mean, like one of those buildings that are
propped up. Okay, do not know how we got any
kind of paperwork totand have a fairy story in there.
And it was nice. I'll say this. I'll say, working
for a guy like that, it's not because you always
want to you know, you want to have a stretch
of work environment. I wouldn't say he was the best
(16:34):
Boston world but definitely you know, an indivintor who had
an idea what they want to accomplish, and you want
to us in. All right? Did I just think it
buzzed in? You got Bobby buzz in? Okay, So I
mean I will now buzz Okay, we're not. Yeah, well
(16:56):
I left the room. I left the room. Okay, we'll
just buzz us in to get us in the other room.
You come on in, you we buzz in. Yeah, I
can't buzz. You're a buzzing. So we have a buzz here.
We're a buzzer. Okay, I'm buzzed in here, Stevie, buzz
me out. Okay, all right, gentlemen, So this is uh,
we're not we're not. We're not starting off on a
good foot here. Okay, So which room did you go into?
(17:19):
I hear your voice. I don't know what room you're in.
Tell me what are you starting on the left of
the right foot? I don't know which way you're facing? Okay, alright,
so just go to North buzz all right? Wait, did
you work for them? Yeah? We were with True North
for a while. Okay, nice, that's goods there. Yeah, that's
a company right there. You know, I was referring to
(17:40):
Kim k W's children. I thought they were that was
their name. Oh my god, we did work for Kim
k didn't we? I think we did. I think that
was Monday. Yes, a plan for micro business? Yeah? Where
where are you? Oh? Yeah, there there you are? Okay? Application?
(18:02):
Did you bring some start of writing utensil? Yeah, we'll
get a get a peny kind Yeah about your first
name on the top line and sign the bottom first
name on the top line. This is just a blank
piece of paper we call an application. Ye, okay, if
(18:23):
you can stand back by the board there, we have
to take your photos. Sure please? Yep, there's one am
I getting buzzed in? Okay, Well he guys, she just
got buzzed in, so he's gotta go okay, all right then,
(18:45):
I guess it's just you. What kind of micro business?
Did you want to start? Me? Yep? Are you talking
to me? Did you want to start a micro business? Yeah?
If you're talking to porcupine, who are you speaking to?
Who's portuplay talking about? And who let you win this room?
Did you get buzzed in? Here? I got buzzed in?
(19:06):
Are you the micro business you're telling me you got
buzzed in? Look, I just want to give your pencil back. Man.
Thank you not buzz out buzz off country with this
tin can and that scene one. I'll funk your entire
(19:29):
country with this tin can. Holy Ship scene too comes
from Connor, who wrote, Hello, welcome this. I've been listening
to your podcast since day one, and as much as
I love the show, when I first started listening, I
had no idea that it would actually last us long
(19:49):
you either, but here we are. You've brought me in
the world so much laughter and joy, and I'd like
to thank each and every one of you for it.
He doesn't though in the email, especially during a time
like this, Here's my suggestion. A high school student council
picks the theme for this year's problem. Keep doing what
you're doing. Connor, Alberta, Canada. PS. Joey is my favorite
(20:13):
and I even made it all the way to track
four of his album to show my support for him.
He tried, Hey, Joey, he tried, Hey did the best
he could. He loves you, and it really picks up.
Five and six really picks up. Look, I'm I'm a romantic,
(20:36):
so I think anything under the stars would be nice,
anything under the night sky would be nice. And that's
my vote. Mrs Donohue, you cannot be here. This is
a student council event. You understand that your chaperone. I'm
the chaperone. I thought I could throw my two cents in.
I'm a romantic. You know that about me? Spin me,
spin me? Oh my god? Fine, Oh, you're keep kidding.
(21:01):
I'm an adult. It's all that. That's only the difference here. Okay.
Can we just all just like take a second here
and just remember that this is a student council event
and that everyone here has been elected by the student
body to represent them to make decisions that are going
to affect us as the class of But I need
this decision by lunch. Okay, okay, okay, I'll be at
(21:24):
my desk. I have a suggestion for the theme. Yeah,
outer space. Okay, that's it, just generic outer space. Okay.
I feel like we're all piggyback in on misnotic because
that's kind of starts. Okay, that's definitely a star theme,
(21:44):
because once you're in actual outer space, you don't see
any stars. That's outer space. So you're just you're pitching
just like a star from the Earth God and it's treasure.
I kind of worry about the budget there, if we're
going to outer space or if we're simulating it with
(22:05):
c G. I like, how much do we have? We
have two dollars in the budget. I needed that fifteen
for perfume. Took some of our money. It's for the
atmosphere of the classroom. That's explore mention. That is explore mention.
That is explore mention. What is that about it? You
(22:28):
could go to jail. I'm worthy of love. We could
tell the copy I am worthy of love? Is this?
It is just a problemating going on in here. Yes,
I'm gonna need the deposit for the for the gym
in order to be used and the fast ter. I
get the deposit for the gym. Do you all want
(22:50):
come here looking for our money? We had to rent
the gym to have our dance at the gym. It's language,
stand language language. I'm the principal. Rose bullshit, Rose, relaxed,
You're gonna get expelled, fucking pissed? Whoa calmed down? Okay,
(23:11):
I just needed a possit. We would charge anybody the
same amount of money for it's a hundred dollars. For
the hundred dollars, that's half our budget. Mark, did you
get that money from the students or not? You know what?
I got yelled at. I got shamed. I had to
walk out of there. What money people will get it?
This just be able to get it. This councils a control.
(23:35):
Are we supposed to go on my luxury cruise trip
if you don't get that money? I need to look
good and feel to the Mark. I think we're just
gonna have to put an additional text on the big sale.
I can't what we're gonna do. You know what, maybe
I should Rose? How do you do it? Rose? All
the boys like you. He's got a chain like ship
and then they come crawling. I've tried that. So like
(23:59):
if you ask, here's the thing. Have you ever seen
like magnets, Yeah, I've seen magnets, but like pretend like
they're both based in the same direction, Like if you
chase them, they go away. But if you're so young, beautiful,
you're so young and beautiful, Mrs Donna Hue. You know
I used to be young, I yeah, but I was beat.
(24:22):
I was never beautiful. I think you are fine looking,
like you were like cute for like like whatever you
were born or whatever. That's what I thought. That's what
I thought. So what happened? A guy named a guy
(24:45):
named Ty, a guy named Ti. Yeah, you'll have a
tie in your life. You'll come, you'll come, you'll promise
you things, and then he'll pool the carpet right off
from Undernea to you. And then you look up and
you're old, and you're teaching high school and you're ugly.
You're like, I feel like you're fishing for compliments. Hey,
(25:08):
I'm sorry my late for the job fair. He's a
job for already happened or oh god, damn it, I
missed it. I dam I missed the job fair. The
job fairs for students. It's a career day, it's a
career day whatever, whatever, damn it's damn it, God damn it.
I needed a job. Okay, are hiring? Are you hiring?
Or so once again we had um representatives of professions
(25:33):
from don't tell me, big big field of professions and uh, damn,
I missed it. Now I don't think they were hiring
on the spot today, sir. Look I'm a security guard
here at the school. We're always looking for guards. Do
you have a guard card? Uh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I
think I do. Here here here, Yeah, this is your license.
(25:53):
But it's a good step. Yeah yeah yeah. Uh all right, listen,
you have too to the way I see it, I
could run your license, get you a guard card. You
can be a security card, or you can put that
hat on backwards, pretend to be a high school student
and start all over again. Shiit shit about that up on, um,
(26:20):
Principal Anderson. Yeah, I was wondering, um, if you're going
to be shaperoning as well this for this dance the year,
shaperoning for the dance. I think I could fit it
in the schedule. It is. Uh that's an extra bump, right,
I think we get yeah, all right, all right, yeah
(26:42):
I can make that, so we will count you in now.
There will be a slow dance at the end of
the night. The way, can I get that up front
whenever I get the deposit for the gym? But I
don't know if they've talked about that yet, but it's
probably easier with just one you. Okay, well, listen, I
don't I shouldn't be doing this, but I know where
(27:04):
the treasury keeps the little envelope of cash. What okay, okay, okay,
go about the slow go ahead about what was slow dance? Okay,
I'll tell you about it while I'm grabbing the cash out.
So it's going to be a song probably by Seal
Kissed by a Rose. I know the song. Okay. I
was thinking maybe I'm a new student. Uh, just game.
(27:27):
We're just counting this money and putting it back in
the in the envelope. Okay, Now what's up? You look
older than usual. I'm thirty years old. All right, what
what do you need? I just want to know where
(27:47):
cam is. Camp to twelve came to twelve, second floor.
You'll see. It's so the two is the level and
twelve is the room number. Yeah, actually that's exactly come
to two off. I'm gonna you're gonna fit in right
real well, I don't I don't think. I don't think
the two twelve is referring to the room number, Principal Anderson.
I think it's what about history one oh one on
(28:12):
the first floor, first group. That's just it's just coincidence,
all right. Welcome to Chemistry to twelve. Everyone. Now this
is for everyone who's past chemistry one hundred, chemistry two
hundred chemistry too oh one, chemistry two oh two, Chemist
two oh three, Chemist two oh fourmist two oh five.
We will be covering some stuff from Kim two oh six.
(28:35):
If you if it's been a while since you did
Kim two oh seven, don't worry. We will recap some
of that stuff again. This is Kim to twelve. If
you've taken Kim to oh eight, that's gonna be important
Kim two oh nine. You need to have gotten at
least to see or higher. I have. I see some
Kim to ten people back there. Welcome back, guys. And
(28:56):
and you you up front, Do I remember you from
Kim to A Uh No, I think uh? I think
we played softball together, though, Wait a minute, slow pitch
sixteen inch, Yeah, that's yeah, that's me. That was your nickname,
right slope sixteen That was it? That was it? Yeah?
(29:17):
What are you doing here? Man? I didn't know you
you you love chemistry so much. I'm a student here now,
I'm a storre looking for trying to get involved in
the job. Fair, I got your late Those students can
apply to them. Okay, Well, everybody get work on your volcano.
All right, Uh you have a question. Yeah, yeah, what
(29:39):
the what the hell? What what are we doing? What
are we doing here? We're making a volcano guy? Uh,
pretty basic stuff. Which first of all, can I just
say welcome to the class. You're hottest ship and so
I'm like very excited to see you, like whatever. Anyways,
I think it's bananas the we go to this chemistry
(30:01):
centric high school and in our twelfth level we're just
making volcanoes. Again. Well, you know, it never hurts to
recap the important stuff. Teacher Wilson, What how is the volcano?
Some of the important stuff? Okay, alright, so yeah, you're
(30:23):
gonna pour in some of this stuff here in some
of this hydro clogic accid. Wait a second, Teach Wilson,
do you just make up a word? H hydrick at it? Okay?
Everybody should have your own bottle of hydro chloric acid. No, no,
(30:47):
I'm hydrochloric acid. Get the funk out of my classroom.
God damn, it looks like it's just you and me,
slow picky happy to be here. I'm happy to be here. Okay, students, Okay, um,
now is the time that you turn in what you
all voted for for the theme? We all know the
(31:08):
dances tomorrow night. Are you wearing a different dress than
what you came in with? Yeah? Okay, the envelope. The
envelope is empty. What we have no funds? That's not
the question I asked you. Somebody cleaned us out the
whole hundred and eighty five dollars. I saw it. It
(31:29):
was the principle of principle. Took it the principle. I
saw I was in the closet, never mind why, and
I saw him coming into the envelope. He left the envelope,
but he took it. First of all. First of all, detention, okay,
no more masturbating in the closet. I so didn't masturbate
the broom up his butt or whatever it's Does that
(31:54):
technically count as masturbation? I guess. I mean, like the
process is like supersensitive, So I guess why? What are
you a broom? Okay? Also also smooth, It was like
a smooth wood handle. You can like see everybody, let's
welcome our new student here. Slow pitch sixteen inch? Oh
my god, that's your name? Yeah? Are you like original people?
(32:18):
What kind of name is Uh no, No, it's split softball.
And that was the that was the slow pitch. Two
questions for you. One do you have a hundred dollars
in cash on you? Uh? Answer the question. I could
get some stuff together, yeah, but I'm in school to
get a job, so I don't have a lot of
(32:40):
It costs money to be in the school. Second question,
what's your vote for the theme of the dance? Something
maybe like sports theme? Yeah? Maybe? Like what if it's
like ye yeah, oh yeah, everyone's everyone's stressed like a
(33:03):
pepper ally or everyone's then we don't need a budget
the dances in the gym. We're already there, you guys.
We have to really think about this, okay, I mean
that's not a bad idea, so pitch and uh you
know what you We do need to it is becoming
an issue. It is becoming an issue. We don't have
(33:25):
to get another broom debri. You just want to fund
this little bit. Baby, Are we going or not? We're going.
I'm just it's fifteen short. I was told, Oh my god,
why don't have to go about this damn school. I
gotta get my twenty five dollars worth I've got. I'm
(33:45):
waiting in the Lincoln. I mean, I can't end the
problem early. This is their problem. They're gonna remember this
threst of their lives, you know. I I really should
let them at least go till ten. Okay, are now
going to announce the prom queen and prom king. I'm
opening the envelope here. Oh no surprise, Rose is our
(34:08):
prom queen and oh slow pitch sixteen inches O prom kids. Okay,
let's get the dance going. Oh my god, like I
don't even care, but like, wow, your Rose Batman. Now,
I'm like, way too young for that for Batman. Yeah,
(34:31):
you're way too young for Batman, like the idea of
the character. What he's saying. Principal Anderson PROMI to me
a dance, Donna Hill, I wouldn't not dance with you.
Let's let's get out to the floor. Grab my butt.
I I'm married, ms I own you for this one dance? Okay?
(34:53):
All right? Oh yeah, that's that's a big tosh, isn't it.
Squeeze the dollars Okay, I'll get you fifteen dollars. Should
have the backwards at Rose, Batman, I understand you want
to dance? What bat Man? I understand you want to dance.
Oh no, I'm like, way too young for you, that's
(35:14):
what I heard. I don't think so what are you nineteen? No,
I'm in a high school seventeen and a half. Right,
so on your birthday? What? And the fund is your birthday? Hey?
What the hell is going on? Over? And that's prom? Everybody?
Good job prom? It's it's eight thirty principle. I gotta
(35:38):
I gotta wrap it early, guys. It was a good
time though. We all got our dance, we got the
prown King and queen, and you guys are cleaning up.
It's right, all right, have a good night. Love y'all
so sexy cleaning up this? And then he said I
love you? What does that even mean? I think he
was talking to me. That's inappropriate. You know, I'm thirty eight.
(36:01):
I have a house and a basement. Uh could totally
bring this party back to my place if you want me.
I'm in. I'm in. Yes, let's go, kids, I'm in.
What's the theme at the party? In your basement? It's
gonna be Uh A lot of laundry and dishes. Haven't
done those? The paper? I put him in the sink.
(36:24):
Either way, I don't, I don't. I'm not happy about it.
But yeah, what kind of music? Oh well, right now,
I got the soundtrack to uh fight clubs? How were
these difficult questions? Why is nobody talking about? How Batman?
Was that our prom I didn't see ship was he?
(36:47):
He's such a close talker. So yeah, if anybody wants
to come through, uh my, my certific can only fit
two people. Welcome to Hawaiian Cruise Lines. Thank you, thank
(37:07):
you for two hundred cash before we let you fully board.
Pay him baby, him baby? Are you just in the
last fifteen dollars and two hundred? Alright, I'm sorry this
is on. Let's just count that one more time. Do
you mind you got a machine or something? My brain
(37:28):
is my machine? Aloha? One two? What happened in the music?
Why don't you turn the music off? We're gonna paye? Okay?
One hundred three? Oh? Jee? Why are these all on once?
(37:49):
When beaus being a bigger bill? Seven nine? Oh it's
you can tip if you like. Yeah, we also sucked us.
You try to take us for three more dollars instead
of a brain machine? Aloha? Oh my god, this is gorgeous.
(38:15):
They have three levels. Oh my gosh, I can't wait
to get to the top level. Oh my god, I'm
gonna get a drink right now. What do you want? Bourbon?
Can I get a bourbon? And can I please get
the most tropical drink you make? Yeah? Sorry, we don't
make those kind of drinks. It's so waii face. What uh?
(38:43):
First of all, why are there? And my wife? What
the hell was that that was? Since? Is what that was? Seen?
Three has brought to us from patroon v I P
member Chris, who wrote good day to you, Greetings from
(39:05):
the UK. I'm a big fan of the podcast and
have been since the first Trickler. It's the most consistently
great podcast I've come across, and the only one that
makes me actually laugh out loud every episode. Does this
guy want to loan or something? I don't want to
be at all negative. I don't think that's possible, but
I do have a nagging feeling that you, Kevin, are
(39:27):
not pulling as many strings as you could to get
Chris some acting work. But I'll leave that to your country.
Let's have this conversation deal. But come on, you know
I'm good. You can't trust me. I seem like an
asshole in this scenario. I love this person. Chris Strange
(39:47):
is the same name and Crispy Chris Crispy AI Yes, okay,
this is Crispy a I from the Patreon Uh see suggestion.
Wikipedia Editorial Board meeting is convened to run through a
list of suggestion changes to Kevin Pollock's page following an
(40:14):
influx of suspicious activity. Well, I mean clearly, the first
problem is, uh, it seems that there is new movies
or TV shows that he's in and that that just
can't be right. So we we definitely got to get
ahead of this because this seems to be some going
to hacker. I don't know why they're doing that. Well,
it's it's a community based website, so if people write
(40:34):
it in, it will be voted upon and it will
be updated. And we know, we know how Wikipedia works.
Trying to twist my arm to change these things. I
feel like I'm being intimidated here. Well, first of all,
I think Gary has a great point, which is there's
no way this guy keeps working, So why why why
are things at it? Why do we allow things to
(40:55):
be at it? I guess it's the point I can't
lock his page down. I can't lock page down. Yes,
you can give us three reasons why you can't lock
his page down. As a as, I'm basically a guardian
of information here at this little computer in this cubicle.
That's my job as guardian. Guardian guards, guardian who guards.
Guardian who does nothing is not a guardian, it's a witness.
(41:19):
I can't let you guys manipulate this this page. Please
step away from my computer. Are we the only ones?
Larry Connie? Anybody want to chime in here? There's a
lot of you gathered around my desk. We're not making
any rational movements here. I feel like it's a mob.
Are we sure that that spelling is right? P O
L L A K. That doesn't seem right. It doesn't
(41:41):
seem right at all. There should be a C, yeah,
there should be a C in there. And also yes, yes,
I think that's how it should be. Pretty. I mean,
if I'm wrong, I'm wrong, but I mean it's Kevin
crowls off the tongue, the C silent, got it? Okay,
So it looks like this is the correct spelling. Part
(42:05):
of I've been going through his files, right, I'm looking
at all this stuff. It just doesn't make sense that
he would still be relevant. You know what I'm saying.
Let's say we just closed the whole thing, shut it down,
erase him, get out of here, down down. I hate it.
I hate to do this, But can anyone see this
giant crow outside the window. That's a crow. That's a raven?
(42:29):
What does that mean? I know the difference between a
crow and a raven? Wait a minute, pull up the
Wicked page for Chrow. All right, so it looks like
Bruce Lee's son was in a movie called The Crow
said I wrote the crow. Okay, just crow, okay, crow,
(42:52):
okay crow? This is a bad omen? Okay? Was that? Yeah? What? What?
What was the point to bring that up? She's right,
this is a bad omen. I mean, look at the page.
Read the page. Crows or signs of bad omends? This
isn't good. So what do we do? Does that mean
that we close the page down? Do we leave it up?
(43:13):
I think it's a warning. I think we need to
keep it open and let the free information fly because
those crows have it in for us. Holy shit, do
they alight? Okay, let's let's let's test his relevance. Oh
my god, Terry can you name two movies this guy's
been in? Are you? I mean, who are you talking
(43:34):
to me? After the year talking to Terry after the
year two thousands? Terry named two movies this asshole has
been in. Do you mind if I if I pull
up Wikipedia? Really alright, that is what I'm talking about Wikipedia,
I know, but I just usually i'd like to have
the page up in front of me. You guys, listen, Okay,
(43:54):
I don't know what the hell's gonna go on, but
we need to start thinking about what we're gonna do
about these crows. Okay, I don't want to have any
bed women can't have that. I don't. I don't want that.
And I don't know if that means just go out
there and shoot them. Say sho simple, It'll shoot the
fucking crow and then let that curse blood get over
out of my face, your finger out of my face? Yeah,
(44:15):
when you start. Second, don't do you know what they
say that when that many crowser together, that's a murder
of crows, That's what that is. That's a pack of which.
But I think there's a ray how many many constituted murder?
More than twelve? More than twelve and there's just one.
There's just one. There's just was Kevin Pollock ever in
(44:36):
a movie or a television show that had that dealt
with murder? Murder? She wrote, type of sin, It says,
see his movies television shows have been murder based. Oh ship,
that's weird. That's weird. That's weird. Well, no, it's not
that weird. Almost everything there's some sort of murder or
death in the TV show that's as terry, terry, don't
do the crow is on your shoulder? Oh my god, God,
(45:00):
who opened the door. Brains have wrinkles. They can learn, Okay,
a lot of trouble. Yeah, their brains have wrinkles. That
means they can learn. By Wikipedia, wrinkles, wrinkles and brains,
I mean you can learn. Oh my god, do I
have wrinkles? Someone open me up, Open me up. We're
(45:24):
not gonna cut into your skull. I need to know
if I can learn. Oh god, oh god, oh god.
Oh we gotta do so quick. We got we got quick.
All right, this is turning out crazy. Maybe we just
leave the goddamn page up, Please do, please do, just
leave it and leave me in my office. Please. You
guys are bullies all right, let's looks look up Tom
(45:46):
Arnold with this. Now that's somebody we all know who Tom. Yeah, uh,
all right, but let's yeah, there's there's new TV shows
and movies listed for him. That Hampy America loves him
named the last seven things he was in America runs
on Tom Arnold's America runs on Tom Arland. Oh my god,
(46:12):
I'm so glad we got out of that crow thing. Jesus, Therery,
go back in your fucking office. My god, crows it,
there's crossing my office. I can't be any office anymore. Somebody,
somebody hand me that broom, give me that broom. Oh ship,
we don't we don't have a room in this room.
We got a puncher, I got a puncher. Crows and sandal.
(46:36):
No first assignment today we're gonna shot the Wikipedia building.
I need some more suggestions about how we get into
one of the officers. Why don't we wrap upon the window,
(46:58):
Wrap upon the Jesus is that their pol reference. Well,
I tell you you just you use your beak and
you're give it a wrapper, wrapper, wrapper, and then let
you know if they open the window like gently, wrap
upon his chamber door with the wrapping Kenny, we get it.
You're a big po fan. I need to have no
how to get into Wikipedia bills. And come on, if
(47:25):
we wrap in front of the window, wrap that work.
So I'm like, I'll give you a beat. I'm don't
you know. I love just saying and I got two wings. Okay,
maybe we just wrap upon the window, all right? Should
(47:49):
we just gotta take these? Uh look at there's a
nest of crows up there, and then we just get
that and we're done. Don't don't touch that. Okay. Uh, well,
my buddy here, we just gotta get this done and
then you can get back to work. So yeah, this
is our our fifth job this week. What what? What?
What's your problem about? Why? Why don't you want to
(48:10):
get rid of this murder? Wrinkle brains? Familiar rinkle brains?
Can you guys buzz now you have it's confused with
somebody else? Hold on one second. We gotta bust We
gotta buzz this guy in. I don't want to go anywhere. No, no, no,
you I mean I'm inside now, okay, can you buzz man?
Can you guys, can you buys your bus? Can you
buys me in the inside buzz man. I don't have
(48:35):
the power. I'm in. Oh wait do I have Do
I have the button? Do you have the button? You
have the button? Just buzzman? Okay, okay, wait who pressed
the button? I thought you did. Now those fucking cross
don't don't touch them. Holy ship, those birds touched the button. Rap.
(48:57):
We wrapped a button. We wrapped gently on the there's
twelve of them ship, all right, So would we agree
to leave the crows? Or if you buzz them in, key,
buzz them in. They have the buzzer they have they
have been buzzing, all right, then buzz me crowl buzz
me in? Did you damn well? We've been outsourced? Did
(49:24):
you get your wrinkles on your brain? I don't know.
Crack me open, okay, I mean I'm cutting into you
with my tin can. Totally smooth, totally smooth, completely smooth,
no education of learning, all right, I mean I'm gonna
(49:47):
close you up talking about a headache. Huh what did
your find? I was just totally smooth in there, alright,
so um part of me, gentlemen, Hi, I couldn't help.
But notice you're standing outside of the Wikipedia building. You
(50:08):
just swinging out here, do you work here? What's the deal?
What's what's what do you questions? Who? Who do you represent?
What were you You're just smoking off to the side, Sir,
I'm talking to these two guys you have I'm there, attorney.
What are your questions about? Well, if I'm being honest,
(50:29):
we're looking for some more help here. That sound like, okay,
you guys have a nice day. Buzz man. We don't
have the we don't have the buzzard. We have the
buzzer crows of the buzzard. All right, Well, Kevin Paul
(50:50):
just called. He's pissed. I didn't do anything though. He's
pissed Terry. But if this whatever he's on there, it's
just what was nutually on there. He says there should
be more more, but it's phil It's like almost filled
page is almost full. That's this is what he said.
(51:11):
I don't know what do I do? Do we have
his awards up there? Do we have his his his
he's a big poker player or is that mentioned on there? Yeah?
It says polic is an avid poker player. He finished
one thirty fourth out of six thousand, five hundred ninety
eight entrants, And that's not that impressive in the two
thousand World Series of Poker and one fifty seven and eighteen.
He also hosts weekly home games with Hollywood celebrities. Well,
(51:36):
so he wants more than that up there on it? Okay,
I got it. That's okay. So if we make a
pentagram on the ground using bits of our hair, we'll
be able to open a portal that will be able
to shield us from whenever omen the crows are trying
to inflect. I don't want a pentagram in my in
my cubicle area. This is homemade chocks. Shut up his Harry,
(51:58):
give us your hair here, Jesus, how I'm pulling up
the page for pentagram? Okay, six sides? Uh. Pentagram, sometimes
pentangle or star pentagon is the shape of a five
pointed star five points by points Okay, okay, done, okay, great?
(52:23):
Wait a minute, Wait a minute. Pentagram may also refer
to a video game in the Saberman series What open
that up? What does that mean? Okay? Uh? Pstagram video game.
Pintagram is a z X Spectrum and MSX video game
released by Ultimate Play. The game in Ultimate played the
(52:44):
game Okay, Ultimate Play the game. Ashley Computers and Graphics
Limited Trading is Ultimate Play. The game was a Vitish
British video game Developments. It says, it says Fish, We're
gonna make the change. We're gonna r Terry, we gotta
make this change. Terry says Finish or British. We don't know, Terry.
(53:06):
It's Ultimate, It's Ultimate Series. Okay, it's not Terry, Terry.
I have Kevin bowling online. Three. Oh no, guys, keep
it down. I'm going to answer this call. Everybody. Okay, Hello,
this is Terry. Yes, Hello, Terry, this is Kevin Pollock.
I understand you. I understand you run the editorial wicked Terry.
(53:29):
You're Terry. You're not Kevin Pollock. No, no, no, it
just just doesn't sound like Pollock. I've heard Kevin Pollock.
I've seen all of his movies as TV shows. Am
I talking to Terry the gentleman who is in charge
of the editorial content of Wikipedias? Terry, Yeah, I just
wanted to go over a couple of the points of
interest on my life. I've heard that you've got a
deep concern about this. Okay, I've got my pen and
(53:51):
paper here and I'll take notes. I just need a
little more information shared regarding finishing one thirty fourth out
of six thousand five. It's a pretty thorough explanation of
the poker series. No, I don't think it makes it
clear just how incredibly difficult that was and how it's
the highest finish of any celebrity in the last you're
(54:12):
talking about in a pinion? Why are you talking at
the same time that I'm talking. Sorry, sounds like Alan Alda.
It sounds like Alan Alda. Are there other people in
your office, Terry? No, I would never. I would never
let others influence my work on Wikipedia. To the portal
of Satan open open open, Okay, hold on Satan. Hello,
(54:38):
thank you. Okay, So we need to use you as
some kind of guard protection against these crows that are
up and a bad omen on us. It's pretty much it, okay,
pretty much. What do I What do I get in return?
Nice Dick Satan back. I guess we can update the
Wikipedia page and give you a wiki Wikipedia. I like that.
(55:01):
I like that idea. I'll get rid of the crows.
You update my page because it's a little light. I
stay say yeah, yeah, okay, Denny, uh, Terry, you're gonna
have to update that Satan page. I've got Kevin Pollock
on the phone right now. If you guys could just
keep it well, I'll get to Satan as soon as
I'm doing. Satan, also known as the devil, is an
(55:23):
entity in the Abrahamic religions that seduces humans into sin
or falsehood. And that's our show for today, informational and entertaining.
It's alchemy. This let's thank all of our alchemists for
this particular guy thing. Jessica Low, thank you so much.
Always a pleasure. Is there anything you'd like folks to
(55:46):
uh tune into or just keep an eye on. Sonny
is a good boy on Instagram? Yeah, just keep checking on.
Sonny's a good boy right on. We'll stay extremely healthy.
Please anything, Joey Gret Uh, you're still doing something for
the West Side Comedy Theater. We tuned into a couple
of your shows and they're they're wonderful. Thank you were trying.
(56:09):
I mean it felt a little crowded in there in
the viewing area. I'm not used to being at a
show with seven other people, so no, no, it was.
It was a lot for us. We don't know how
to handle it, but check it out West Side Comments
Theater seven o'clock every Wednesday, and then those shows live
on on Twitch. Yeah, they lived there for a little
bit and we're gonna put them on our Bear Supply
channel on YouTube. I've been taking him down off of
(56:31):
Twitch and putting them up on Facebook. Well there's James. Oh, then,
thank you for being here as well. James. No, no,
let's let's get rid of you as well. Um, I
mean say goodbye. Thank you so much for being here.
James is always thank you. Yeah, so Twitch West west
Side Comedy Theater. It's the channel on there. We I
(56:52):
take it down because the beginning of it's like fifteen
minutes of getting ready for the show, and I just
clip it to the beginning. A lot of the emails
are asking how's your hash brown supplies? So hope you
can answer it turns out I prepared more than I
needed to. I keep getting more hash Browns from instat
cart when I order it, So everything's fine. The hash
Browns are working, everybody. Don't worry about that. Greg, Greg Kakowski,
(57:15):
thank you so much, sir. Hey my pleasure. Let's get
that Wikipedia page going. I mean, if not for me,
for someone, Yeah, I wouldn't mind one? Right? Is there
alchemy this Wikipedia page? There should be one. Everything should
be on Wikipedia. I mean, how else do we know
we exist? Crows and Satan are on there? Why not alchemy?
(57:36):
This Chris Varando, thank you so much, buddy. Thank you
for having me at Chris Avarado on Instagram. Please stay
safe in Paradise Paradise, California. Is that where you are? Yeah,
we're in Paradise, California. Actually there is a Paradise, California.
(57:56):
I think it's somewhere on the way to Lake Tahoe.
Maybe I don't know that that's where the big fire was.
So nice for me to remember those folks. Um, yeah, okay,
well then just share a street dress christ if you could,
so we know. Drive okay sweet Um? Thank you also
(58:19):
very very much. Let's thank our engineering producer with the Stars,
Mr Doug Bain, and the fine folks that I heart
media from from. Keep writing to us at your name
here and Malcolm dot com. Until next time, I'm your host,
Kevin Polla. Remember
Welcome back to another episode edition. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock.
Yes that's Kevin poll Yes, I believe I am that
kind of fellow. You're rat bastard. You just made me
do it again, son of a bitch, just did it again.
But I digress. Let's meet a Rackhamis. Shall you no
particular orders? Say hello to James Heeney, Jimmy the jackal
(00:25):
other than hash Browns. If you could enjoy any food
while at the cinema, what do you wish we could
all buy before taking our seat? I like nutty buddy bars,
and they don't sell them at movie theaters. So if
I could just pack my pockets with nutty buddy bars,
I'd be in heaven. Well you can. It's called contraband,
but it's yeah, that's what the rest of us are doing.
(00:47):
All those candy bars are gonna melt. What what are
they called? Nutty nutty buddy bars? I get? I get
a lot of them really cheap. I think they're like
a buck fifty for like it would be the equivalent
of ten andy bars? Are those the chocolate peanut butter
wafer style? All right? Good stuff? And and and a sponsor?
(01:12):
Uh kram It will you. There's Craig Kakowski Kakao. Has
a trained physician inserted a camera in your wrectum yet?
And if so, what do you remember from the entire experience.
I'm actually do for one this year due to my
advancing age, and I was not able to schedule my
(01:32):
annual physical due to the global pandemic. I really can't
wait to get that camera in there. It's one of
the things I'm most looking forward to. So this will
be your first, this will be my first. Congratulations, Thank you,
It's pretty exciting. Yeah, do you want to get go
into a breakout room and uh, let's discuss it for
(01:54):
for a while. No, we'll follow up after, please do.
I'd love to know more of you. A jingle? Ye
cut the grass already. It's Jessica Lowe, jess for more
not less. Who can you do an impersonation of? And
would you please? Doesn't even have to be a famous person?
(02:19):
Oh god, well there was a I can do Mrs
potato Head please? Anyone seen my eye? Right? Oh buddy,
super fantastic. Turn off the heat, damn you. It's Chris
Alvarado Chisel in the Hazel, who was the first person
(02:41):
you saw do any form of comedy in person um
that was the Jips, the Generic Improvisational peep Show. They
were a touring improv short form improv group that came
to my high school, Downey High School, and I was like,
the fuck little uh brain snap there? Yeah, that's right.
(03:04):
Oh that's awesome. And last, but cut the cheese and
call it a snack. If you think of least, it's
Joey Greer tin can Pally. When a vaccine reaches us
all and you're truly welcomed back to your life, what's
the one thing you're gonna do first? I'm not gonna go.
I'm gonna stay home. I'm enjoyed. It made a little
(03:25):
nest for myself. Uh, there's no need, you're dug in. Yeah,
probably fake my own death in some way, you know
what I mean? And then like no, I don't know
what you mean. You get it, and then just chill
at home, you know, get a micro company over in
the Bahamas. Start getting money from that. You know what
I mean? Micro company? You got what I'm saying, Just
a tiny, tiny company really take like four or five
(03:49):
bucks of months. And that I said, did a micro company?
Let me just chill it out, you know what I mean,
tiny tiny company. Okay, alright, that's my money and yeah, no,
we're gonna move on. Let's do a damn show. Uh.
Seeing suggestions today gathered from patron v i P members
or our listener emails. If you'd like to submit your
listener email, please right to the podcast. That your name
(04:09):
here at Alchemy this dot com? That again is your
name here at Alchemy. This see Number one comes from
Patreon v I P member Beaker. Y'all remember Beaker? Thank you?
James Beaker wrote, good morning, no goodmorrow. People just want
to say thank you again for all your hard work
(04:29):
and blah blah blah. We all know what goes here
now Joey and Craig's can you buzz me in? Security
guard characters get fired from the movie studio and have
to find new jobs, but they just can't seem to
make it work. Boncham's Sean from p A, Now, it's
(04:51):
really simple. All you gotta do is bring these carts
up towards the grocery store and uh and wipe them
down with this cloth and put them back in the
lane with that of Specifically, we'll know each of you
will get your own. Okay, well, you've got to be
precise with your language, because you said, so we did.
What hold on that we don't have our own We
have to bring our own cloth? Is that right? Or? Uh? No, No,
you'll be supplied with the cloth I'm just giving you.
(05:13):
So we're supplied with one cloth for the both of us. No,
you'll each get one cloth and if you need more.
There's plenty of cloths in the in the utility closet.
That's crystal clear. That's great understood to the next concept. Okay,
so we wipe these down and then we leave them here. Yeah,
that's pretty simple. We're gonna move on to the next thing.
(05:36):
Anything we wipe them with, anything, or just the cloth.
The cloths they are in the utility closset. There's microfiber
cloths in the utility closet. And there's a spray bottle
of apple cider vinegar that we'd like you guys, it's
not important. I'm just so there is a spray bottle.
I didn't know that. I thought we just had to
wipe that. Cloths from a micro company. Uh no, so
I I don't Uh, they come out of a plastic
(05:58):
bag and they're replaced by a security truck that brings
in I don't know. Yes, yes, that they came from
a micro company. I have no idea. It's just rags
that come out of like a plastic bag. And how
do they get the security truck in the plastic bag? No? No, no,
it's like an artist that they were replaced by a
security truck. Well, it's a big truck. They come around
(06:20):
with just rags, and so it's a gigantic plastic bag.
Then that's a truck in there and a bag. I
think you're misunderstanding me. What I'm saying is that we
can in these rags, but that's not important. These rags
are just used to clean these carts that the people
that get germs in their fingers from rags the riches. Hey,
(06:40):
can I see you two new guys in my office? Please? Yeah?
You can see us now? Right? Should I come in? Uh?
You know what, Steve, why don't you join us? Also,
that's a good idea because I want to ask I
want to ask the two new guys about should I
get anyone else that's new or not? I'm a new
So we say, two new guys, do you mean let's
(07:02):
go with all three of you. I'm specifically have questions
about the two of the three of you who just
had a conversation with How do you know I can
go Steve? I need you for this? Okay? Yeah? How
is the one you got your instructions from? And I
just had a question? Was he and and helpful? Was
(07:25):
he in a sink as sisting? Could you understand what
he was trying to say? Although you're having difficulty to
understanding what I'm trying to say, so maybe it's not
him at you. No, I hear what you're saying. I
hear what you're saying. Did you find house information that
he was sharing with you? His guide, his ability to
guide helpful? How would you rate it on a scale
(07:46):
of one to tempt me horrible? I guess like if
you're talking about his ability to guide, Let's say I'm
a kite, right and I'm flying in the wind and
he's holding me with a piece of string. Let's say
that and the strong gust comes along and he has
a firm grip, but the top two fingers just a
little sweaty, and the string starts to slide a little bit.
(08:08):
Um that makes Does that make sense? I don't think
I needed here. I can go. I'll go, Steve, stick around, buddy, Steve, Steve,
we need you, man. Yeah. Just I'm trying to figure
out who's going to tell how we don't need him? Great,
No talking about the stunt coordinator. How'll need him? Oh?
Oh yeah, I'm not telling him. He's huge. Yeah, he's huge.
(08:31):
Here comes knock, knock. I'm so sorry, Hey, I'm so
sorry I do interrupt. I know I've been here a
long time. But listen, all of the cans have fallen
onto the floor. They're all broken. It's like it's every
pickle can we have in this entire what's a jar?
(08:53):
I wouldn't say that's a can? Oh god, yes, god, okay.
Maybe Tina likes to call the jars cans. What why?
Why do you have to correct it? She's whaling right now?
This is jars? Idiot, idiot? What kind of cheapass cans
(09:16):
break when they hit the floor usually ten? I mean
you're some kind of metal right? Alright, gentlemen, So you
two are looking for employment as private security guards. Is
that correct? That's right, that's right. Okay, Now you will
be assigned an A list celebrity. Um, and looked at
my file real quick. Yeah, this is this is a
(09:37):
good one. We gotta how how need him? He was
a stunt coordinator in the seventies. He doesn't work here anymore.
He's been blacklisted. All right, now, what's the gentleman? Well,
right now, it's only one name on it. It's a
very very popular name. Um, so let's just went through
a couple of things. Do you understand your duties as
(09:58):
private security guards? Kelsey is a very popular name right now?
Is it Kelsey? Kelsey's a huge name right now? Or
Mike Micah's top ten? I think, oh wow, you have
a gift with that, you know that, a gift with
knowing what kind of names are popular. Wenot. We were
over at what was it the Duncan Burgers where they
make the burgers donuts. It's pretty much just donuts, but
(10:19):
they say it's burger and we were over there and
everyone in there he could guess their name without them,
even Donald. It was amazing. We were at Duncan Burgers.
Then we went over to Smash Donuts and the same thing. Okay, Well, um,
freda natural by popular name, I mean an actual celebrity,
not just you know what what names are popular? Great? Great,
(10:41):
we'll be clear in your language. Then terrific, terrific. Okay,
so um, you have to understand that you need to
put your life before the celebrity's life. Is that understood?
All right? Now it says here that you both, um,
do you have weapons? Can you show me what weapon? Oh? Yeah,
(11:02):
this is a petrified lizard that I have sharpened the
tail and the head. Thank looking at wow? Oh wow? Okay, okay,
this might work, This might work. This is a tin
can that fell off the shelf at our old job.
And you see that it's got a really jagged edge
there because of the damn the damage. That didn't work. Okay,
(11:23):
you know what. Listen, as far as I'm concerning you
two got the job. I'm gonna bring in the celebrity.
Now I have a little little meat and greet. Okay
one second, um um ms Ms Kardashian West Kim. I
don't know how to h um. They're ready to see you.
They seem like great guys. They're they're very personable, and
(11:46):
I think that they'll be great. All you gotta do
is give us the approval. Great, come on in, gentlemen,
I hope it's Mrs Potato Heads. Hi Jen, Uh, this
is I don't need to introduce her. You know she
is so we never met. I'm kim kW Kim kim
(12:08):
kW kim k w kim kW. Got it, got it.
You're acting like you don't know who I am. No, absolutely,
we know we're We're here to work for you. We're
here to put our needs before yours. Uh. We have
we have weapons. Um, one thing I'm gonna jump. I'm
just gonna jump in here really quick. Um kim kW
(12:29):
likes to be wiped down once a day with the cloth.
Do you gentlemen have cloths? Yeah, we each have a
cloth from our previous job. Apple cider vinegar soaked in.
This feels like a like a match made in heaven.
Kim kW. I mean, I don't know. They're both sweating
so much. I just here and I'm nervous. I am
(12:54):
nervous as hell. I mean, eventually they're gonna have to
meet Kanye and he's going to have to give it
his a proval because anyone who hangs around with me,
he needs to make sure they're not going to try
any funny business. I'm the power of God and love.
Oh hey, baby's going on? Hey, um, I don't know.
(13:17):
I guess they're just gonna be like watching me and
making sure no one gets too close. And where do
you keep the sugar? The sugar is right in front
of you. Man, there, there it is. He didn't ask that,
he asked where you keep it? You're looking at it.
This is always keep keep it right here? You're looking
at the sugar. Do we have a problem. Let's be
(13:38):
clear about where you put things. Just man, I'm getting
some strange vibes from this one. Okay, So do we
feel absolutely not? Absolutely not. It's a great fit. I
love to do this. Hold on, baby, why do you
think it's such a great fit? Maybe, he questioned you
(14:00):
minds me of a porcupine. I love porkepones? Why do
you Why do you think it's a great fit. I
think it's a bad fit. And talking to porkepine, pokepon,
why do you think it's good fit? Is that me
and my porcupine in my porkepline? Who's poke? Who's this
is a petrified lizard. It's not a pokepone? This is
a tin can my man? Here? Are you gonna let
(14:24):
me finish? Yep? Please do Okay, this is a tin can.
So all you need to do is you need to
put these arms, behinder this doll. We're built dolls here, okay,
and it's as it goes. So you'll be in charge
of the tour shows and then when you pass it
over here, you're gonna put all all the arms and
the legs on Twitter. Okay. So this is a micro company.
(14:45):
This is pretty a small versions. We're a small versions,
just one dollar at a time. Well, I mean it's
gonna go once this once we turn this conveyor bolt on,
it's gonna go real fast. So it is one of
I mean ever, I'd say you probably have about ten
seconds per per station. Okay, we're talking like Lucy and
(15:06):
the Chucking Factory fast. I'm saying you're probably you'll have
just enough time. And the faster you go, the faster
will make the belt move. And you just when you
get this torse with the two sides of this snap together,
you pass it and then another tour. So that's two
pieces will be together and you'll snap it together and
you'll pass it and the first door. So the faster
(15:29):
we the faster we move, the faster the belt goes
is that right. No, I mean yeah, I'll be controlling it.
I controlled the patient. The belt up here, how fast
we go? Well, when I see you can handle the speed,
did I want? I'm all right, gentlemen, I'm looking at
your resume here, seems that you have prior experience with
(15:51):
buzzing people in. Yeah. We've had four jobs this week,
by the way, Okay, I don't care. I'm only concerned
with the one where you buzz people into a door.
Can you do? I will say the lead of the
last one we had, we had to make a doll.
We had to snap a torso onto another tour so
and the belt got faster and fact, it was just
us in the in the room. It was excited. It
was like something out of a hell need a movie. Okay,
(16:13):
it looks something like a dental annex building, you know
what I mean, like one of those buildings that are
propped up. Okay, do not know how we got any
kind of paperwork totand have a fairy story in there.
And it was nice. I'll say this. I'll say, working
for a guy like that, it's not because you always
want to you know, you want to have a stretch
of work environment. I wouldn't say he was the best
(16:34):
Boston world but definitely you know, an indivintor who had
an idea what they want to accomplish, and you want
to us in. All right? Did I just think it
buzzed in? You got Bobby buzz in? Okay, So I
mean I will now buzz Okay, we're not. Yeah, well
(16:56):
I left the room. I left the room. Okay, we'll
just buzz us in to get us in the other room.
You come on in, you we buzz in. Yeah, I
can't buzz. You're a buzzing. So we have a buzz here.
We're a buzzer. Okay, I'm buzzed in here, Stevie, buzz
me out. Okay, all right, gentlemen, So this is uh,
we're not we're not. We're not starting off on a
good foot here. Okay, So which room did you go into?
(17:19):
I hear your voice. I don't know what room you're in.
Tell me what are you starting on the left of
the right foot? I don't know which way you're facing? Okay, alright,
so just go to North buzz all right? Wait, did
you work for them? Yeah? We were with True North
for a while. Okay, nice, that's goods there. Yeah, that's
a company right there. You know, I was referring to
(17:40):
Kim k W's children. I thought they were that was
their name. Oh my god, we did work for Kim
k didn't we? I think we did. I think that
was Monday. Yes, a plan for micro business? Yeah? Where
where are you? Oh? Yeah, there there you are? Okay? Application?
(18:02):
Did you bring some start of writing utensil? Yeah, we'll
get a get a peny kind Yeah about your first
name on the top line and sign the bottom first
name on the top line. This is just a blank
piece of paper we call an application. Ye, okay, if
(18:23):
you can stand back by the board there, we have
to take your photos. Sure please? Yep, there's one am
I getting buzzed in? Okay, Well he guys, she just
got buzzed in, so he's gotta go okay, all right then,
(18:45):
I guess it's just you. What kind of micro business?
Did you want to start? Me? Yep? Are you talking
to me? Did you want to start a micro business? Yeah?
If you're talking to porcupine, who are you speaking to?
Who's portuplay talking about? And who let you win this room?
Did you get buzzed in? Here? I got buzzed in?
(19:06):
Are you the micro business you're telling me you got
buzzed in? Look, I just want to give your pencil back. Man.
Thank you not buzz out buzz off country with this
tin can and that scene one. I'll funk your entire
(19:29):
country with this tin can. Holy Ship scene too comes
from Connor, who wrote, Hello, welcome this. I've been listening
to your podcast since day one, and as much as
I love the show, when I first started listening, I
had no idea that it would actually last us long
(19:49):
you either, but here we are. You've brought me in
the world so much laughter and joy, and I'd like
to thank each and every one of you for it.
He doesn't though in the email, especially during a time
like this, Here's my suggestion. A high school student council
picks the theme for this year's problem. Keep doing what
you're doing. Connor, Alberta, Canada. PS. Joey is my favorite
(20:13):
and I even made it all the way to track
four of his album to show my support for him.
He tried, Hey, Joey, he tried, Hey did the best
he could. He loves you, and it really picks up.
Five and six really picks up. Look, I'm I'm a romantic,
(20:36):
so I think anything under the stars would be nice,
anything under the night sky would be nice. And that's
my vote. Mrs Donohue, you cannot be here. This is
a student council event. You understand that your chaperone. I'm
the chaperone. I thought I could throw my two cents in.
I'm a romantic. You know that about me? Spin me,
spin me? Oh my god? Fine, Oh, you're keep kidding.
(21:01):
I'm an adult. It's all that. That's only the difference here. Okay.
Can we just all just like take a second here
and just remember that this is a student council event
and that everyone here has been elected by the student
body to represent them to make decisions that are going
to affect us as the class of But I need
this decision by lunch. Okay, okay, okay, I'll be at
(21:24):
my desk. I have a suggestion for the theme. Yeah,
outer space. Okay, that's it, just generic outer space. Okay.
I feel like we're all piggyback in on misnotic because
that's kind of starts. Okay, that's definitely a star theme,
(21:44):
because once you're in actual outer space, you don't see
any stars. That's outer space. So you're just you're pitching
just like a star from the Earth God and it's treasure.
I kind of worry about the budget there, if we're
going to outer space or if we're simulating it with
(22:05):
c G. I like, how much do we have? We
have two dollars in the budget. I needed that fifteen
for perfume. Took some of our money. It's for the
atmosphere of the classroom. That's explore mention. That is explore mention.
That is explore mention. What is that about it? You
(22:28):
could go to jail. I'm worthy of love. We could
tell the copy I am worthy of love? Is this?
It is just a problemating going on in here. Yes,
I'm gonna need the deposit for the for the gym
in order to be used and the fast ter. I
get the deposit for the gym. Do you all want
(22:50):
come here looking for our money? We had to rent
the gym to have our dance at the gym. It's language,
stand language language. I'm the principal. Rose bullshit, Rose, relaxed,
You're gonna get expelled, fucking pissed? Whoa calmed down? Okay,
(23:11):
I just needed a possit. We would charge anybody the
same amount of money for it's a hundred dollars. For
the hundred dollars, that's half our budget. Mark, did you
get that money from the students or not? You know what?
I got yelled at. I got shamed. I had to
walk out of there. What money people will get it?
This just be able to get it. This councils a control.
(23:35):
Are we supposed to go on my luxury cruise trip
if you don't get that money? I need to look
good and feel to the Mark. I think we're just
gonna have to put an additional text on the big sale.
I can't what we're gonna do. You know what, maybe
I should Rose? How do you do it? Rose? All
the boys like you. He's got a chain like ship
and then they come crawling. I've tried that. So like
(23:59):
if you ask, here's the thing. Have you ever seen
like magnets, Yeah, I've seen magnets, but like pretend like
they're both based in the same direction, Like if you
chase them, they go away. But if you're so young, beautiful,
you're so young and beautiful, Mrs Donna Hue. You know
I used to be young, I yeah, but I was beat.
(24:22):
I was never beautiful. I think you are fine looking,
like you were like cute for like like whatever you
were born or whatever. That's what I thought. That's what
I thought. So what happened? A guy named a guy
(24:45):
named Ty, a guy named Ti. Yeah, you'll have a
tie in your life. You'll come, you'll come, you'll promise
you things, and then he'll pool the carpet right off
from Undernea to you. And then you look up and
you're old, and you're teaching high school and you're ugly.
You're like, I feel like you're fishing for compliments. Hey,
(25:08):
I'm sorry my late for the job fair. He's a
job for already happened or oh god, damn it, I
missed it. I dam I missed the job fair. The
job fairs for students. It's a career day, it's a
career day whatever, whatever, damn it's damn it, God damn it.
I needed a job. Okay, are hiring? Are you hiring?
Or so once again we had um representatives of professions
(25:33):
from don't tell me, big big field of professions and uh, damn,
I missed it. Now I don't think they were hiring
on the spot today, sir. Look I'm a security guard
here at the school. We're always looking for guards. Do
you have a guard card? Uh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I
think I do. Here here here, Yeah, this is your license.
(25:53):
But it's a good step. Yeah yeah yeah. Uh all right, listen,
you have too to the way I see it, I
could run your license, get you a guard card. You
can be a security card, or you can put that
hat on backwards, pretend to be a high school student
and start all over again. Shiit shit about that up on, um,
(26:20):
Principal Anderson. Yeah, I was wondering, um, if you're going
to be shaperoning as well this for this dance the year,
shaperoning for the dance. I think I could fit it
in the schedule. It is. Uh that's an extra bump, right,
I think we get yeah, all right, all right, yeah
(26:42):
I can make that, so we will count you in now.
There will be a slow dance at the end of
the night. The way, can I get that up front
whenever I get the deposit for the gym? But I
don't know if they've talked about that yet, but it's
probably easier with just one you. Okay, well, listen, I
don't I shouldn't be doing this, but I know where
(27:04):
the treasury keeps the little envelope of cash. What okay, okay, okay,
go about the slow go ahead about what was slow dance? Okay,
I'll tell you about it while I'm grabbing the cash out.
So it's going to be a song probably by Seal
Kissed by a Rose. I know the song. Okay. I
was thinking maybe I'm a new student. Uh, just game.
(27:27):
We're just counting this money and putting it back in
the in the envelope. Okay, Now what's up? You look
older than usual. I'm thirty years old. All right, what
what do you need? I just want to know where
(27:47):
cam is. Camp to twelve came to twelve, second floor.
You'll see. It's so the two is the level and
twelve is the room number. Yeah, actually that's exactly come
to two off. I'm gonna you're gonna fit in right
real well, I don't I don't think. I don't think
the two twelve is referring to the room number, Principal Anderson.
I think it's what about history one oh one on
(28:12):
the first floor, first group. That's just it's just coincidence,
all right. Welcome to Chemistry to twelve. Everyone. Now this
is for everyone who's past chemistry one hundred, chemistry two
hundred chemistry too oh one, chemistry two oh two, Chemist
two oh three, Chemist two oh fourmist two oh five.
We will be covering some stuff from Kim two oh six.
(28:35):
If you if it's been a while since you did
Kim two oh seven, don't worry. We will recap some
of that stuff again. This is Kim to twelve. If
you've taken Kim to oh eight, that's gonna be important
Kim two oh nine. You need to have gotten at
least to see or higher. I have. I see some
Kim to ten people back there. Welcome back, guys. And
(28:56):
and you you up front, Do I remember you from
Kim to A Uh No, I think uh? I think
we played softball together, though, Wait a minute, slow pitch
sixteen inch, Yeah, that's yeah, that's me. That was your nickname,
right slope sixteen That was it? That was it? Yeah?
(29:17):
What are you doing here? Man? I didn't know you
you you love chemistry so much. I'm a student here now,
I'm a storre looking for trying to get involved in
the job. Fair, I got your late Those students can
apply to them. Okay, Well, everybody get work on your volcano.
All right, Uh you have a question. Yeah, yeah, what
(29:39):
the what the hell? What what are we doing? What
are we doing here? We're making a volcano guy? Uh,
pretty basic stuff. Which first of all, can I just
say welcome to the class. You're hottest ship and so
I'm like very excited to see you, like whatever. Anyways,
I think it's bananas the we go to this chemistry
(30:01):
centric high school and in our twelfth level we're just
making volcanoes. Again. Well, you know, it never hurts to
recap the important stuff. Teacher Wilson, What how is the volcano?
Some of the important stuff? Okay, alright, so yeah, you're
(30:23):
gonna pour in some of this stuff here in some
of this hydro clogic accid. Wait a second, Teach Wilson,
do you just make up a word? H hydrick at it? Okay?
Everybody should have your own bottle of hydro chloric acid. No, no,
(30:47):
I'm hydrochloric acid. Get the funk out of my classroom.
God damn, it looks like it's just you and me,
slow picky happy to be here. I'm happy to be here. Okay, students, Okay, um,
now is the time that you turn in what you
all voted for for the theme? We all know the
(31:08):
dances tomorrow night. Are you wearing a different dress than
what you came in with? Yeah? Okay, the envelope. The
envelope is empty. What we have no funds? That's not
the question I asked you. Somebody cleaned us out the
whole hundred and eighty five dollars. I saw it. It
(31:29):
was the principle of principle. Took it the principle. I
saw I was in the closet, never mind why, and
I saw him coming into the envelope. He left the envelope,
but he took it. First of all. First of all, detention, okay,
no more masturbating in the closet. I so didn't masturbate
the broom up his butt or whatever it's Does that
(31:54):
technically count as masturbation? I guess. I mean, like the
process is like supersensitive, So I guess why? What are
you a broom? Okay? Also also smooth, It was like
a smooth wood handle. You can like see everybody, let's
welcome our new student here. Slow pitch sixteen inch? Oh
my god, that's your name? Yeah? Are you like original people?
(32:18):
What kind of name is Uh no, No, it's split softball.
And that was the that was the slow pitch. Two
questions for you. One do you have a hundred dollars
in cash on you? Uh? Answer the question. I could
get some stuff together, yeah, but I'm in school to
get a job, so I don't have a lot of
(32:40):
It costs money to be in the school. Second question,
what's your vote for the theme of the dance? Something
maybe like sports theme? Yeah? Maybe? Like what if it's
like ye yeah, oh yeah, everyone's everyone's stressed like a
(33:03):
pepper ally or everyone's then we don't need a budget
the dances in the gym. We're already there, you guys.
We have to really think about this, okay, I mean
that's not a bad idea, so pitch and uh you
know what you We do need to it is becoming
an issue. It is becoming an issue. We don't have
(33:25):
to get another broom debri. You just want to fund
this little bit. Baby, Are we going or not? We're going.
I'm just it's fifteen short. I was told, Oh my god,
why don't have to go about this damn school. I
gotta get my twenty five dollars worth I've got. I'm
(33:45):
waiting in the Lincoln. I mean, I can't end the
problem early. This is their problem. They're gonna remember this
threst of their lives, you know. I I really should
let them at least go till ten. Okay, are now
going to announce the prom queen and prom king. I'm
opening the envelope here. Oh no surprise, Rose is our
(34:08):
prom queen and oh slow pitch sixteen inches O prom kids. Okay,
let's get the dance going. Oh my god, like I
don't even care, but like, wow, your Rose Batman. Now,
I'm like, way too young for that for Batman. Yeah,
(34:31):
you're way too young for Batman, like the idea of
the character. What he's saying. Principal Anderson PROMI to me
a dance, Donna Hill, I wouldn't not dance with you.
Let's let's get out to the floor. Grab my butt.
I I'm married, ms I own you for this one dance? Okay?
(34:53):
All right? Oh yeah, that's that's a big tosh, isn't it.
Squeeze the dollars Okay, I'll get you fifteen dollars. Should
have the backwards at Rose, Batman, I understand you want
to dance? What bat Man? I understand you want to dance.
Oh no, I'm like, way too young for you, that's
(35:14):
what I heard. I don't think so what are you nineteen? No,
I'm in a high school seventeen and a half. Right,
so on your birthday? What? And the fund is your birthday? Hey?
What the hell is going on? Over? And that's prom? Everybody?
Good job prom? It's it's eight thirty principle. I gotta
(35:38):
I gotta wrap it early, guys. It was a good
time though. We all got our dance, we got the
prown King and queen, and you guys are cleaning up.
It's right, all right, have a good night. Love y'all
so sexy cleaning up this? And then he said I
love you? What does that even mean? I think he
was talking to me. That's inappropriate. You know, I'm thirty eight.
(36:01):
I have a house and a basement. Uh could totally
bring this party back to my place if you want me.
I'm in. I'm in. Yes, let's go, kids, I'm in.
What's the theme at the party? In your basement? It's
gonna be Uh A lot of laundry and dishes. Haven't
done those? The paper? I put him in the sink.
(36:24):
Either way, I don't, I don't. I'm not happy about it.
But yeah, what kind of music? Oh well, right now,
I got the soundtrack to uh fight clubs? How were
these difficult questions? Why is nobody talking about? How Batman?
Was that our prom I didn't see ship was he?
(36:47):
He's such a close talker. So yeah, if anybody wants
to come through, uh my, my certific can only fit
two people. Welcome to Hawaiian Cruise Lines. Thank you, thank
(37:07):
you for two hundred cash before we let you fully board.
Pay him baby, him baby? Are you just in the
last fifteen dollars and two hundred? Alright, I'm sorry this
is on. Let's just count that one more time. Do
you mind you got a machine or something? My brain
(37:28):
is my machine? Aloha? One two? What happened in the music?
Why don't you turn the music off? We're gonna paye? Okay?
One hundred three? Oh? Jee? Why are these all on once?
(37:49):
When beaus being a bigger bill? Seven nine? Oh it's
you can tip if you like. Yeah, we also sucked us.
You try to take us for three more dollars instead
of a brain machine? Aloha? Oh my god, this is gorgeous.
(38:15):
They have three levels. Oh my gosh, I can't wait
to get to the top level. Oh my god, I'm
gonna get a drink right now. What do you want? Bourbon?
Can I get a bourbon? And can I please get
the most tropical drink you make? Yeah? Sorry, we don't
make those kind of drinks. It's so waii face. What uh?
(38:43):
First of all, why are there? And my wife? What
the hell was that that was? Since? Is what that was? Seen?
Three has brought to us from patroon v I P
member Chris, who wrote good day to you, Greetings from
(39:05):
the UK. I'm a big fan of the podcast and
have been since the first Trickler. It's the most consistently
great podcast I've come across, and the only one that
makes me actually laugh out loud every episode. Does this
guy want to loan or something? I don't want to
be at all negative. I don't think that's possible, but
I do have a nagging feeling that you, Kevin, are
(39:27):
not pulling as many strings as you could to get
Chris some acting work. But I'll leave that to your country.
Let's have this conversation deal. But come on, you know
I'm good. You can't trust me. I seem like an
asshole in this scenario. I love this person. Chris Strange
(39:47):
is the same name and Crispy Chris Crispy AI Yes, okay,
this is Crispy a I from the Patreon Uh see suggestion.
Wikipedia Editorial Board meeting is convened to run through a
list of suggestion changes to Kevin Pollock's page following an
(40:14):
influx of suspicious activity. Well, I mean clearly, the first
problem is, uh, it seems that there is new movies
or TV shows that he's in and that that just
can't be right. So we we definitely got to get
ahead of this because this seems to be some going
to hacker. I don't know why they're doing that. Well,
it's it's a community based website, so if people write
(40:34):
it in, it will be voted upon and it will
be updated. And we know, we know how Wikipedia works.
Trying to twist my arm to change these things. I
feel like I'm being intimidated here. Well, first of all,
I think Gary has a great point, which is there's
no way this guy keeps working, So why why why
are things at it? Why do we allow things to
(40:55):
be at it? I guess it's the point I can't
lock his page down. I can't lock page down. Yes,
you can give us three reasons why you can't lock
his page down. As a as, I'm basically a guardian
of information here at this little computer in this cubicle.
That's my job as guardian. Guardian guards, guardian who guards.
Guardian who does nothing is not a guardian, it's a witness.
(41:19):
I can't let you guys manipulate this this page. Please
step away from my computer. Are we the only ones?
Larry Connie? Anybody want to chime in here? There's a
lot of you gathered around my desk. We're not making
any rational movements here. I feel like it's a mob.
Are we sure that that spelling is right? P O
L L A K. That doesn't seem right. It doesn't
(41:41):
seem right at all. There should be a C, yeah,
there should be a C in there. And also yes, yes,
I think that's how it should be. Pretty. I mean,
if I'm wrong, I'm wrong, but I mean it's Kevin
crowls off the tongue, the C silent, got it? Okay,
So it looks like this is the correct spelling. Part
(42:05):
of I've been going through his files, right, I'm looking
at all this stuff. It just doesn't make sense that
he would still be relevant. You know what I'm saying.
Let's say we just closed the whole thing, shut it down,
erase him, get out of here, down down. I hate it.
I hate to do this, But can anyone see this
giant crow outside the window. That's a crow. That's a raven?
(42:29):
What does that mean? I know the difference between a
crow and a raven? Wait a minute, pull up the
Wicked page for Chrow. All right, so it looks like
Bruce Lee's son was in a movie called The Crow
said I wrote the crow. Okay, just crow, okay, crow,
(42:52):
okay crow? This is a bad omen? Okay? Was that? Yeah? What? What?
What was the point to bring that up? She's right,
this is a bad omen. I mean, look at the page.
Read the page. Crows or signs of bad omends? This
isn't good. So what do we do? Does that mean
that we close the page down? Do we leave it up?
(43:13):
I think it's a warning. I think we need to
keep it open and let the free information fly because
those crows have it in for us. Holy shit, do
they alight? Okay, let's let's let's test his relevance. Oh
my god, Terry can you name two movies this guy's
been in? Are you? I mean, who are you talking
(43:34):
to me? After the year talking to Terry after the
year two thousands? Terry named two movies this asshole has
been in. Do you mind if I if I pull
up Wikipedia? Really alright, that is what I'm talking about Wikipedia,
I know, but I just usually i'd like to have
the page up in front of me. You guys, listen, Okay,
(43:54):
I don't know what the hell's gonna go on, but
we need to start thinking about what we're gonna do
about these crows. Okay, I don't want to have any
bed women can't have that. I don't. I don't want that.
And I don't know if that means just go out
there and shoot them. Say sho simple, It'll shoot the
fucking crow and then let that curse blood get over
out of my face, your finger out of my face? Yeah,
(44:15):
when you start. Second, don't do you know what they
say that when that many crowser together, that's a murder
of crows, That's what that is. That's a pack of which.
But I think there's a ray how many many constituted murder?
More than twelve? More than twelve and there's just one.
There's just one. There's just was Kevin Pollock ever in
(44:36):
a movie or a television show that had that dealt
with murder? Murder? She wrote, type of sin, It says,
see his movies television shows have been murder based. Oh ship,
that's weird. That's weird. That's weird. Well, no, it's not
that weird. Almost everything there's some sort of murder or
death in the TV show that's as terry, terry, don't
do the crow is on your shoulder? Oh my god, God,
(45:00):
who opened the door. Brains have wrinkles. They can learn, Okay,
a lot of trouble. Yeah, their brains have wrinkles. That
means they can learn. By Wikipedia, wrinkles, wrinkles and brains,
I mean you can learn. Oh my god, do I
have wrinkles? Someone open me up, Open me up. We're
(45:24):
not gonna cut into your skull. I need to know
if I can learn. Oh god, oh god, oh god.
Oh we gotta do so quick. We got we got quick.
All right, this is turning out crazy. Maybe we just
leave the goddamn page up, Please do, please do, just
leave it and leave me in my office. Please. You
guys are bullies all right, let's looks look up Tom
(45:46):
Arnold with this. Now that's somebody we all know who Tom. Yeah, uh,
all right, but let's yeah, there's there's new TV shows
and movies listed for him. That Hampy America loves him
named the last seven things he was in America runs
on Tom Arnold's America runs on Tom Arland. Oh my god,
(46:12):
I'm so glad we got out of that crow thing. Jesus, Therery,
go back in your fucking office. My god, crows it,
there's crossing my office. I can't be any office anymore. Somebody,
somebody hand me that broom, give me that broom. Oh ship,
we don't we don't have a room in this room.
We got a puncher, I got a puncher. Crows and sandal.
(46:36):
No first assignment today we're gonna shot the Wikipedia building.
I need some more suggestions about how we get into
one of the officers. Why don't we wrap upon the window,
(46:58):
Wrap upon the Jesus is that their pol reference. Well,
I tell you you just you use your beak and
you're give it a wrapper, wrapper, wrapper, and then let
you know if they open the window like gently, wrap
upon his chamber door with the wrapping Kenny, we get it.
You're a big po fan. I need to have no
how to get into Wikipedia bills. And come on, if
(47:25):
we wrap in front of the window, wrap that work.
So I'm like, I'll give you a beat. I'm don't
you know. I love just saying and I got two wings. Okay,
maybe we just wrap upon the window, all right? Should
(47:49):
we just gotta take these? Uh look at there's a
nest of crows up there, and then we just get
that and we're done. Don't don't touch that. Okay. Uh, well,
my buddy here, we just gotta get this done and
then you can get back to work. So yeah, this
is our our fifth job this week. What what? What?
What's your problem about? Why? Why don't you want to
(48:10):
get rid of this murder? Wrinkle brains? Familiar rinkle brains?
Can you guys buzz now you have it's confused with
somebody else? Hold on one second. We gotta bust We
gotta buzz this guy in. I don't want to go anywhere. No, no, no,
you I mean I'm inside now, okay, can you buzz man?
Can you guys, can you buys your bus? Can you
buys me in the inside buzz man. I don't have
(48:35):
the power. I'm in. Oh wait do I have Do
I have the button? Do you have the button? You
have the button? Just buzzman? Okay, okay, wait who pressed
the button? I thought you did. Now those fucking cross
don't don't touch them. Holy ship, those birds touched the button. Rap.
(48:57):
We wrapped a button. We wrapped gently on the there's
twelve of them ship, all right, So would we agree
to leave the crows? Or if you buzz them in, key,
buzz them in. They have the buzzer they have they
have been buzzing, all right, then buzz me crowl buzz
me in? Did you damn well? We've been outsourced? Did
(49:24):
you get your wrinkles on your brain? I don't know.
Crack me open, okay, I mean I'm cutting into you
with my tin can. Totally smooth, totally smooth, completely smooth,
no education of learning, all right, I mean I'm gonna
(49:47):
close you up talking about a headache. Huh what did
your find? I was just totally smooth in there, alright,
so um part of me, gentlemen, Hi, I couldn't help.
But notice you're standing outside of the Wikipedia building. You
(50:08):
just swinging out here, do you work here? What's the deal?
What's what's what do you questions? Who? Who do you represent?
What were you You're just smoking off to the side, Sir,
I'm talking to these two guys you have I'm there, attorney.
What are your questions about? Well, if I'm being honest,
(50:29):
we're looking for some more help here. That sound like, okay,
you guys have a nice day. Buzz man. We don't
have the we don't have the buzzard. We have the
buzzer crows of the buzzard. All right, Well, Kevin Paul
(50:50):
just called. He's pissed. I didn't do anything though. He's
pissed Terry. But if this whatever he's on there, it's
just what was nutually on there. He says there should
be more more, but it's phil It's like almost filled
page is almost full. That's this is what he said.
(51:11):
I don't know what do I do? Do we have
his awards up there? Do we have his his his
he's a big poker player or is that mentioned on there? Yeah?
It says polic is an avid poker player. He finished
one thirty fourth out of six thousand, five hundred ninety
eight entrants, And that's not that impressive in the two
thousand World Series of Poker and one fifty seven and eighteen.
He also hosts weekly home games with Hollywood celebrities. Well,
(51:36):
so he wants more than that up there on it? Okay,
I got it. That's okay. So if we make a
pentagram on the ground using bits of our hair, we'll
be able to open a portal that will be able
to shield us from whenever omen the crows are trying
to inflect. I don't want a pentagram in my in
my cubicle area. This is homemade chocks. Shut up his Harry,
(51:58):
give us your hair here, Jesus, how I'm pulling up
the page for pentagram? Okay, six sides? Uh. Pentagram, sometimes
pentangle or star pentagon is the shape of a five
pointed star five points by points Okay, okay, done, okay, great?
(52:23):
Wait a minute, Wait a minute. Pentagram may also refer
to a video game in the Saberman series What open
that up? What does that mean? Okay? Uh? Pstagram video game.
Pintagram is a z X Spectrum and MSX video game
released by Ultimate Play. The game in Ultimate played the
(52:44):
game Okay, Ultimate Play the game. Ashley Computers and Graphics
Limited Trading is Ultimate Play. The game was a Vitish
British video game Developments. It says, it says Fish, We're
gonna make the change. We're gonna r Terry, we gotta
make this change. Terry says Finish or British. We don't know, Terry.
(53:06):
It's Ultimate, It's Ultimate Series. Okay, it's not Terry, Terry.
I have Kevin bowling online. Three. Oh no, guys, keep
it down. I'm going to answer this call. Everybody. Okay, Hello,
this is Terry. Yes, Hello, Terry, this is Kevin Pollock.
I understand you. I understand you run the editorial wicked Terry.
(53:29):
You're Terry. You're not Kevin Pollock. No, no, no, it
just just doesn't sound like Pollock. I've heard Kevin Pollock.
I've seen all of his movies as TV shows. Am
I talking to Terry the gentleman who is in charge
of the editorial content of Wikipedias? Terry, Yeah, I just
wanted to go over a couple of the points of
interest on my life. I've heard that you've got a
deep concern about this. Okay, I've got my pen and
(53:51):
paper here and I'll take notes. I just need a
little more information shared regarding finishing one thirty fourth out
of six thousand five. It's a pretty thorough explanation of
the poker series. No, I don't think it makes it
clear just how incredibly difficult that was and how it's
the highest finish of any celebrity in the last you're
(54:12):
talking about in a pinion? Why are you talking at
the same time that I'm talking. Sorry, sounds like Alan Alda.
It sounds like Alan Alda. Are there other people in
your office, Terry? No, I would never. I would never
let others influence my work on Wikipedia. To the portal
of Satan open open open, Okay, hold on Satan. Hello,
(54:38):
thank you. Okay, So we need to use you as
some kind of guard protection against these crows that are
up and a bad omen on us. It's pretty much it, okay,
pretty much. What do I What do I get in return?
Nice Dick Satan back. I guess we can update the
Wikipedia page and give you a wiki Wikipedia. I like that.
(55:01):
I like that idea. I'll get rid of the crows.
You update my page because it's a little light. I
stay say yeah, yeah, okay, Denny, uh, Terry, you're gonna
have to update that Satan page. I've got Kevin Pollock
on the phone right now. If you guys could just
keep it well, I'll get to Satan as soon as
I'm doing. Satan, also known as the devil, is an
(55:23):
entity in the Abrahamic religions that seduces humans into sin
or falsehood. And that's our show for today, informational and entertaining.
It's alchemy. This let's thank all of our alchemists for
this particular guy thing. Jessica Low, thank you so much.
Always a pleasure. Is there anything you'd like folks to
(55:46):
uh tune into or just keep an eye on. Sonny
is a good boy on Instagram? Yeah, just keep checking on.
Sonny's a good boy right on. We'll stay extremely healthy.
Please anything, Joey Gret Uh, you're still doing something for
the West Side Comedy Theater. We tuned into a couple
of your shows and they're they're wonderful. Thank you were trying.
(56:09):
I mean it felt a little crowded in there in
the viewing area. I'm not used to being at a
show with seven other people, so no, no, it was.
It was a lot for us. We don't know how
to handle it, but check it out West Side Comments
Theater seven o'clock every Wednesday, and then those shows live
on on Twitch. Yeah, they lived there for a little
bit and we're gonna put them on our Bear Supply
channel on YouTube. I've been taking him down off of
(56:31):
Twitch and putting them up on Facebook. Well there's James. Oh, then,
thank you for being here as well. James. No, no,
let's let's get rid of you as well. Um, I
mean say goodbye. Thank you so much for being here.
James is always thank you. Yeah, so Twitch West west
Side Comedy Theater. It's the channel on there. We I
(56:52):
take it down because the beginning of it's like fifteen
minutes of getting ready for the show, and I just
clip it to the beginning. A lot of the emails
are asking how's your hash brown supplies? So hope you
can answer it turns out I prepared more than I
needed to. I keep getting more hash Browns from instat
cart when I order it, So everything's fine. The hash
Browns are working, everybody. Don't worry about that. Greg, Greg Kakowski,
(57:15):
thank you so much, sir. Hey my pleasure. Let's get
that Wikipedia page going. I mean, if not for me,
for someone, Yeah, I wouldn't mind one? Right? Is there
alchemy this Wikipedia page? There should be one. Everything should
be on Wikipedia. I mean, how else do we know
we exist? Crows and Satan are on there? Why not alchemy?
(57:36):
This Chris Varando, thank you so much, buddy. Thank you
for having me at Chris Avarado on Instagram. Please stay
safe in Paradise Paradise, California. Is that where you are? Yeah,
we're in Paradise, California. Actually there is a Paradise, California.
(57:56):
I think it's somewhere on the way to Lake Tahoe.
Maybe I don't know that that's where the big fire was.
So nice for me to remember those folks. Um, yeah, okay,
well then just share a street dress christ if you could,
so we know. Drive okay sweet Um? Thank you also
(58:19):
very very much. Let's thank our engineering producer with the Stars,
Mr Doug Bain, and the fine folks that I heart
media from from. Keep writing to us at your name
here and Malcolm dot com. Until next time, I'm your host,
Kevin Polla. Remember
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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