April 2, 2019 • 50 mins
The home of Connie and Carl Fleckman has been updated with artificial intelligence domestic help in all areas. Surprisingly, things go a little sideways. Naturally, all involved end up in a courtroom and then prison… Walmart’s new wedding section includes holding actual wedding, and all the fixin's. You think you’re having a tough day…?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to alchemy. This I'm yours, Kevin Pollak's that. Yep.
Let's get to our first scene, shall we. Every week,
I'm just gonna try to figure out how to mess
it up at the beginning and try something different, right,
all right? So this one this week, UM, I decided
(00:23):
to pull from the weird news headlines that caught my
interest and um some stories that were pulled from there.
This first one is a combination of that and my
own imagination. Here we go. The advancements in artificial intelligence
has finally reached our homes in the form of housekeepers,
nanny's gardeners, and handyman and or women. With all great
(00:46):
advancement come setbacks. However, we take you now to the
home of Connie and Carl Fleckman, where the help well
need some help. So just again, the model is very,
very self efficient. So all you just need to do
is say exactly what you wanted to do, and then
(01:06):
you know it'll be able to do it clean. I'm
I'm a little I mean, I'm excited. Okay, I'm excited,
but I don't if something feels weird about it, Scott
Scott right, it's skit. Part of me skip. My wife here,
she works a lot and she but she also makes
it a point to keep our house clean. And there's
the breadwinner, yes, thank you, and the homemaker. I think so.
(01:32):
I was just thinking that, um, this product would be
a life saver, definitely benefit you. Yeah, I actually take
a lot of stress off of you. You know one
thing I can recommend. Also, there's additions to it that
can help organize as well as helps. You're a physician,
I am yes, so, and you a writer. So what
(01:55):
we can do with that is we'll have availabilities to
connect that to the hospital itself. What are we connecting
to the hospital? Oh? Your service vehicle? Your service unit here?
Oh wow, this can also organize my work completely. I
mean we can program with additions to the proctor expense.
But nonetheless, something you want to it's fine? So, well,
(02:16):
what do we get to choose? The body type? I
looked in your catalog. I sell that there's like a
square box like machine looking thing, but I also saw
ones that look more like people. And I'm sure you
have great imagination as a writer. Why write? Yeah easily?
With Stephen King, I am terrific, Yes, so please, you've
worked with him he's just a huge fan. So yeah,
(02:38):
we can modify the body anyway you like. Actually, we
can use either of your forms to put into a
preston and it will come out just as that. So
if you along extended stays and whatnot, you know, there
they'll be you here at the home. Skip. Maybe we
should show them how one of the model works. Did
he come from? This is Grayson? He's my pleasure. You
(02:59):
have a son, so Jeff. Nice to make you Jeff
an old son. You look so young. Well, I'm just,
as they say, slightly more sophisticated than pops. Apple doesn't
fall far from the tree. Well, well one second, excuse me,
(03:20):
let me remove your filth from your home. Sorry about that?
Just turned on? Baby, You're you're doing it again? What
am I doing? This was your idea. I'm going along
with it. I'm yes. And you like you've learned in
that thing. It's not a thing. It's a class. It's
not a class because you're not actually learning anything. I
learned a lot. I learned how to apply that. And also, Babe,
(03:42):
I just feel like you're doing that thing in front
of me where you're like talking to really emasculating. Yeah,
in the form of flirting. I'm not flirting with who
what's skinned skill? Babe? No, No, I'm so sorry. I'm
in the middle of my of my third chapter's great
and really proud of I don't want so, I don't.
I want to make sure we're good. We're so good.
(04:04):
Rocks on. Okay, sorry about that. Sorry you just turned around.
We're back, We're back, so um turn the guy on again. Well,
it's based on your voice command, so everything's already preloaded
on there. It'll have all the cleaning functions as well
as the organizations. I added that no charge. Uh, just well,
I respected profession, and I can tell the work and
(04:26):
the baggage you got at home that you want to
be able to, you know, take care of dad. If
we may, we shall. As a point out, there's already
one in your garden, Cliff the gardener, so feel free
to call out to him as well. That looks just
like a man. That's exactly right. It's a shirtless man. Yes,
so this is the Adonis package. Everything there is silicom,
(04:48):
but it feels real and packing. How can I help?
Come on in, Cliff, come on, come on in, I'm
coming in. Oh, through the window. Wou does he shake hands?
He does? He Also, he'll scoop you up if you
shake hands. Hey, Cliff, Wow, nice scrip. Okay, beautiful eyes.
You have a great grip too, like this guy. Did
(05:13):
you say scooping? Scoop me up? Clip scooping? Spend me around, Cliff,
spending around? This is great. I hope you're enjoying this.
I am enjoying it. So oh it does feel like
you do? Feel like Cliff? Why don't you shoulder pressor
shoulder pressing? I feel so light, so strong? You clip?
(05:40):
Stop me talk you for a second. Do these things
ever malfunction? I can take this if you'd like, Dan, Okay,
the answer is no. They are works of perfection. Okay,
you simply control them with your own ideas and thoughts
and command. I guess my fear would be that, what
are your affairs? Please tell us frankly, I'm a little
(06:00):
intimidated by Cliff. I mean, he's gorgeous, he's strong, and
he's got robotic having fun? Am I having fun? Thank
you for asking? It's perfect, as you can see, Cliffs
here to hell. It's just a machine, that's true. Part
of organization is cleanliness. Let's get organized. Wow, we have
(06:20):
Marie Kondo books inside all of the machines. So so so. Yeah,
they're just machines. Okay, hey, baby, have to say setting
her down before we leave, I have to tell you this. Okay.
These machines have been known to turn on people. Wait,
that's what I just asked their owners. Wait, what's all right?
I just have to tell you kill the owners. Okay.
(06:43):
Father Skid has a hell of a sense of you
to the van place. He wouldn't do anything like that,
would you. I wouldn't do anything like that. Enjoy your
new units, and if you have any problems, just ask them.
They can have ay, have a phone in them, they'll call.
I'll catch up with you in a second. Okay, I'm
going to take the organizer, Babe. I want to see
what you can do with my files upstairs. Okay, I'll
leave you a cliff. Okay, all right, come on a
(07:03):
little guy. I'm on my way. Cool. Oh he's scared.
It looks like a little hippo baby. Hello, Cliff, anything
you want me to garden? Oh? Blonds doing pretty well?
Blonds in good shape. Yes it is Cliff. I was thinking,
you know, Josh always said he was going to get
(07:24):
around to building some window boxes and we could fill
those with some tulips. I know you can't do. Would
like me to build some window boxes and plant tulips?
I'd love that building window boxes, Oh, Cliff, so yeah,
but whatever you can do over here, maybe alphabetically you
can put my files in order. Loose papers are garbage.
(07:46):
That's what I think. Put loose papers into garbage. Hold on,
those are those are my ideas? A clean clean Okay,
this is gonna be a very clean day. That's a
great song. Um okay, okay, hold on, stop pause. Did
you hear that system? Paused? Okay? Um? Please pull paper
(08:06):
some out of trash? Can those are my ideas? Do
you know what ideas are? I have an idea? What's that?
An idea? Is an idea? Terrific? Okay those mimoses, these
are mimoses unwrapping trash, unwrapping trash. Okay, you keep trying.
Oh it's just your shoulders are a little tight. Wow. Hey, hey, hey, Cliff,
(08:30):
this is amazing. Stopping pausing, Cliff, you don't have to
listen to what are you talking about? You left me order.
You don't have to listen to him Cliff, got it.
He does have to listen to me. No, he was
working with me. Cliff, Pause, Cliff, I'm Cliff already paused, terrific.
(08:53):
I don't have to listen to you. Thank you, Okay,
to see grabbing my shoulders while we talk, thank you it.
Oh yeah, John, this was the best idea you've had
in so long. Thank you so much. Doesn't look a
good idea anymore. It's an amazing idea. Do you know
how stressed out I've been permission to go lower permission? Granted,
I've been working ten hour days, coming home still making
you that lasagn You're you're crazy for her cleaning the kitchen.
(09:16):
I'm exhausted. And the kitchen, oh my god, Cliff, not necessary. Sorry,
you can keep with the lower lumbar. We'll do the kitchen.
I bring in trash outside. Thank you. Little hippo's to
line out, Well, he's not. He's our little hippo. And
that's my Cliff as well. I think I've got your
Cliff m I did not tell him. Okay. One I
(09:40):
know Grayson is still around here because he said his
dad left and he said I'll be out there in
a second. Can you can we can we do a
factory reset on Cliff? Please? Wait, you can't know what?
Would you like me to reach that him to factory
settings where I can tell well, he'll listen to I
am paying the bills here, Grayson, you cannot rea that
(10:00):
my Perhaps the two of you would like to work
your thing out before we get on how better to
serve sweating? Okay, I've got this running around the block, father,
Please stand down. Something's going on. What's going on? Please
let us know how we can better serve you. That's
not that's not a real personal questions in your mind.
(10:22):
Question understood? Oh wait, a second question understood. That's a
pretty demord. Let's lower the blinds, shall we? Everyone's a robot, Cliff, Cliff,
raise the blinds. Cliff raising the blinds. Oh, I knew
you were a good one. Little hippo. That is not
my name, little hippo robot. Okay, yes, um, turn all
(10:46):
other robots back to factory settings. That's hilarious. I'm so
sorry you don't understand how it works. I've got to
go back upstairs and get more trash. Cliff, pick up
little hippo, picking up little hippo. Good good, good, Cliff
thank God for Cliff. Oh, don't wave him around. Kill Grayson,
(11:07):
killing Grayson, Josh, Cliff my son priority objective, Cliff, priority
of objective. Are you happy now? Service units connected form
ultimate service unit. It does becoming the notes? Oh my god?
(11:31):
Oh can we help you? Hold on? Wait, don't don't
run away, baby, why nuts, Let's just try one more command? Oh, Josh, Peter,
(11:52):
that was just blood streaks all across the wall. The
flirts wasn't painting, That was flirting, Josh, I don't want
to live here anymore. I always feel like I'm less
than a man when I'm with you, But right now
I'm gonna prove to you that I am a man.
Stand back, I'm taking my shirt off. He's so so.
I love you. That's hilarious, us hilarious. Wait, robots, stuff robots,
(12:21):
Thank you? Josh? Are you okay? I think I broke
both my hands punching a doctor. Don't worry. I mean
it's neuro but I know how to do all this stuff.
I just had the craziest idea. I'm listening you know
how you want to write crazy stories like Stephen King?
What could be crazier than what we're living right now, wow,
(12:43):
Cliff has to go a little lower lower? May I
go a little lower? You were one big whole thing.
Now it doesn't feel the same. So can I just
want to say the first two chapters of your book
were so real. Thank you. I mean, it's just like crazy.
Thank you so much for writing this piece. Please, thank you,
thank you. How can you make it out to Tommy? Please?
(13:04):
Oh sure you got it? Thank you? Can I just
say that chapter seven was maybe the favorite chapter of
all the books you've ever written, and I read it
every night. That's very sweet of you, Tommy. I'd like
to read it for you right now without actually needing
the book. Um, okay, there's a long line, but sure
give me a couple of Let him do that, okay, thanks?
(13:25):
Hi hi, hi hi. I lost my family in a
very similar way to you the way you've written, and
I just feel like we're connected. Really, I feel that.
I feel Hey, what's your name, Bud, My name's Ben. Ben,
stop crying. I will, I will. I just feel like
I have a real emotional connection. We were kind of
(13:47):
like them. We are. I can give you a command, Ben, Yeah, smile,
oh god, yeah, you go sid that guys. Spelling alright,
anybody next, who's next? I'm next? Hi there, what's your name? D?
D like the letter only with two ease on the
(14:07):
other side. Okay, D. And what was your favorite chapter?
My favorite? I did not read the book. I didn't
read the book, but I did see the picture of
you on the desk jacket. Yes, without your top on.
That's very sweet of you. That's very sweet of you.
As you know, I'm still grieving the loss of my wife.
I know. I'm so sorry to read about the way
(14:28):
she got ripped up from her lumbar. I did read
that party. She gave him permission to go lower, and
well it went lower. Gosh, that's so sad. Yeah, take
my hotel room key. That's a command. UM. I had
(14:49):
a robot say, okay, say affirmative. Affirmative. Oh my gosh,
thank you, you're welcome, and here's your book and I
will see you later. Howard Johnson, M. I had some
problems with your book. Oh god, what was the issue, sir?
(15:11):
I had some problems with your book. Yeah, we'll join
the reddit forum. Joining reddit for um. Lots of complaints,
one thousand down votes. Wait a second, pause, unit, pause,
you're not the boss of meh shit, she's as miss Yes,
(15:33):
thank you so much again for though. Of course, of
course you need to my book. Please, you need to
inform these I'm a big fan. You need to inform
the authorities about something bad's about to happen. We got
to wrap up this signing. Yeah, of course, great, perfect,
that's a good idea. Okay, great, storytime sounds good. May
we continue this in the parking lot? What's that, sir?
Do you want to go with these gentlemen or no? No,
(15:55):
I don't want to. I don't want to go with them.
Why would you suggest that we will make or you
get to your car safely? Our primary objective. Get your
hand off my lumbard. Okay, I saw the kids here
for story time. Let's just go. Now we're going to
read Mr Rabbit Finds the Wood chapter one chapter. Okay,
(16:22):
go pell wait for chapter books? Okay, Well, yes, I'm
being Okay, Well you're going to be there. Let's pick
him up. Okay, let's go. I'm gonna run into the bathroom, okay, Claire, Claire, Claire,
I'm not really, I'm just training to read books to kids.
I don't know if this is the book. Okay, let
(16:45):
me pick it up about chapter one a regular chapter book. Well,
it's really These chapters are extremely short, and I think
that you're going to find that the book is incredibly
moving and has a great moral compass. On there on
the window, there's a into robots ripping a man's spine,
children to lower children. I don underneath the desks quick.
(17:14):
I think they are pretty much just targeting him specifically.
Those are robots, and I think that they're out of control.
I think that kills right. They're not looking for other
peoples or nothing. They're moving on. Well, you shouldn't be
looking out the window. This is not appropriate. That shouldn't
be there. There's a man being killed outside. Let me
put these Claire new directive, read us a story directive.
(17:36):
New directive? Okay, interesting So chapter one Claire, new directive,
do it in a funny voice. Okay, new directive, funny voice.
I don't think I'm going to be doing funny voices
for children today. Um programmer to be so neurotic. So weirdly,
what rot wouldn't a good looking robot? My nanny is
(17:58):
really pretty and she also is purple. Am I a robot? Claire?
You didn't know I know, Claire. Looking at your wrist,
you'll see a number. You're my greatest work. You're my
greatest work. You are true, Ai, I didn't I don't
(18:21):
know if I always thought I was a real person. Oh,
your doubt isn't dear. Really, it shows the human side
of you, Claire. Oh my god, thank you. You're more
human than I could ever hope to be. But you
are human, aren't you? I am? Okay, Well then wouldn't
that be more human than me? Yeah? The advancement, you're
the evolution of us. Okay, wow, Chad, I must say
(18:44):
I'm very impressed looking at your two subjects in there.
So one thinks he's a human and he thinks he
built the other one. Holy sh it, how do you
think this stuff up? I mean, this is why. Yeah,
this is fucked up even for you. Isever ahead, man,
that's where it's going. This is a lot of money
that the US government's put it into you. Chad. Alright,
(19:05):
so looks good, it looks good. You're saying all of
this is for a podcast. Absolutely, that seems like a
lot of is man, it's all in podcasting. So the
one who thinks he's human, will he ever find out
he's not human. Yeah, he'll find out, like you know,
like two seasons in. Wowo, a arc already built in. Yeah,
(19:26):
it's on the Bible. Did you not look at the Bible? Yeah? No,
the Holy Bible? Because I think we all read that
there's no God. What did you say? What's up? What
did you just say to say what we were all saying?
It was laughing? No, I did read the Bible? Yeah,
I just did you just say there is no God? Well,
(19:46):
I mean, can you prove that there's no good? I
think God's right here in this room? I mean, cho people,
I mean I'm basically a guy. Right, What the this
is blasphemy God's and all of us? Is my point?
All right, you're backing, Okay, you're impressed with how I
programmed them. Wait a second, I got you again. Oh
(20:07):
my gosh, I wanted to make this one particularly religious. Wow. Well,
if that's the case, hit that angle. I want to
grab Sarah's but just because oh yeah, you can't touch
a woman like that either way, either way, either way,
(20:29):
either way, Wait, Chad, are you pulling one on me again?
And she really is a robot? I'm gonna give her
a kis real quick. Yeah, not a robot. Well she wasn't.
I honestly don't know about her. Honestly, she's not one
of mine. Chad, what did you lose control of? Which
was which? It's tough to keep track, and it's tough
(20:50):
to keep track. You can't be expected to be a god. No, no,
I can't. I'm just a man, a man named chadjection.
You're on her, this man created I did not say
sustained counsel. Mr Aguila, I don't know. I'm a bailiff.
(21:10):
I'm not as supposed to do. What the hell are
you saying, bailiff? I have not been able to understand
a single last week for himself bailiff again, I am
so confused. And it looks like there's some kind of
foam frosting around them. No, no, no, no, y'all not frost.
It's my way for hell. Okay, well, it looks like
(21:32):
it's you. With all due respects, dismissed the charges. I mean,
Mr Chad has a point. You're on sand order in
the court. I have brought a witness chance creation basis
(21:53):
the witness may have approached the band bailiff than you
forgive me from in correct you, But at this point
it is customary for the witness approaching bitch bailiff, new directive,
pick up the witness and put them in the bench.
Do not do that. Only take the directors from the
court Judge, new directive. Only to my directive, new directive.
(22:18):
Only listen to that council. Chad, listen, little hippo. Yeah,
the world is falling apart around us. These people in
this courtroom are going crazy. I don't even think they're
people anymore. They are not people. You were the only
people left. I'm the only on the whole in the
whole world, just being you man. Oh me and Chad.
(22:39):
You and Chad at the last two. Chad, you're a
murderer and you and I are nothing alike. So what
every everybody else is a robot that I made? Witness
stand down? Okay, what's going on? Oval rules, Oval rules,
Oval rulestrogram as will be inside an egg shape for
(23:02):
as long is that? Oh no, that's a good justification.
I'm gonna leave it. Okay. Now I'm gonna go to
jail for a long time for what I'm I'm a lawyer, um,
trying to save the human race. That's cool. Man, I
don't know if it's that call I failed, what's gonna
(23:23):
happen to us? So I don't even I can't tell
who anymore? Would you like to go to the prison
yard with us? He's definitely ye's. I always just thought
that they were gonna, you know, plug us in his
batteries or something like the matrix, but us as fuel.
That's what I thought. They're making me do manual labor,
and they won't even I don't want to break more rocks. Guys, guys,
(23:44):
the one thing you're not breaking rocks. The one thing
you're missing here is we've got something they don't what.
We've got a soul. It's right near the spleen, but
kind of around the kidney area. Do they have a rectum?
Do we know yet? I'm not sure. But we've got
soul and we can use that. We can harness our
soul power. Because so they don't then they don't have
poop and we have that over them as well. Great
(24:05):
we so we can poop and we have a soul.
I don't know if pooping's actually helpful. I've never looked.
He just poops, so we don't have to just soul?
What do you say we harness our power? How do
we do that? I'm not sure? Do you guys believe
in God? Well I might be able to help old
timer looks up shadows. You want to harness your soul power? Huh, Yeah,
(24:26):
that's the idea. That's kind of what we're thinking. Just
can't break any more goddamn rocks in the yard. Yeah,
all right, Larry, do these crystals crystals? What I mean,
how'd you get those? Smuggle? It will be my prison pocket.
That means it's yeah, what do we so you want
us to what do we do with the crystals? Well,
take each one of these crystals, but it on top
(24:46):
of your face, on top of my face. It does
depend in your prison pocket, and just let it fall
down here mouth, Larry, God, crystal in your mouth, keep
a little bit out and just suck on it like
you would like a little baby sucker. Could you demonstrate
for us? No, I don't want to let my soul
(25:08):
get into this crystal. But I'll say this again, I
don't know how much time I gotta left on this earth.
He just died. I'm doing it. I'm not doing the
crystal from the prison book. I don't care what do
you what do you guys? You guys care about germs?
All these robots are taking over our entire civilization? Do
you want to break out of prison? Wait a second, yeah,
(25:30):
how do we do that? I've been digging a hole
behind this post. This robot on our side. It's a
cool poster by the way Back to the Futureworth readA Hayworth.
You're mistaken in Back to the Future. Why are it's
a hybrid? Why are you helping us? I have an
emotional connection to you. Oh my gosh, it sounds like
(25:54):
a passion for me. Thanks prison lady. Yeah, we regularly
scheduled program for Dr Heeny's our All right, let's get
to our second suggestion. We just have time for one more.
(26:16):
This story caught my attention, and I'd love to see
what flies couple holds wedding in Walmart flower department. There's
an addition to this one in the same store, horse
and man escorted out of produce section. So this is
something that really happened, Yes, yes it is. Yeah, so
(26:41):
that we have all all toiletrees should be on Aisle
seven seventeen, I think it is. And then what how's
the wedding on today? The excuse me. The wedding. They
said there was a wedding, the Cooperman wedding. I think
it's Fleckman. Oh, I don't Fleckman. I think Fleckman's Tomorrow.
We have Cooperman Cooperman's today. I think. So how many
weddings you think we will have? I mean this is
(27:02):
a new thing, right, yeah, yeah, but I mean it's
obviously it's it's just so easy with all the with
all the displays that we already have already built, just easy.
We've got flowers and that's like, how much of that
are we charging more for the wedding than we would
for the flowers because we seemed to be don't you
don't know, Yes, we don't know this. Oh ma'am um.
(27:22):
There's a holding area in the back of the store,
it says employees, says employees only. We have a a
what's it called a reception, reception a section for you,
reception section, yes, another of the broad and what can
we do for you today? I'm just looking to where
I should be going. Where is my daughter? How beautiful
(27:44):
is this going to be? Your daughter is in one
of these stalls. She's in one of the unisex back. Well,
we just stuck the aisles to be honest with you.
So I think you want to talk to a manager. Well,
that sounds like a great Audia genius wears a manager.
Jimmy Jack is on today, Jimmy Jack. Find Jimmy Jack.
(28:06):
That was close. Jimmy Jack. No, he's not here man.
He's looking for and would you We'll call him. Well,
I guess we should call him. Y'all have an intercom.
I got a voice um attention on Walmart. Just actually
just attention, Jimmy Jack. Um, could you please come down
to the flower section next to the ocean gear. We
(28:28):
have a mother of the bride looking for you. Nice.
I was good. I think it was solid. Thank you.
That was fine. Yeah, yeah, okay, do for Jimmy Jack. Beautiful.
This is weird. Yeah, I got a little promotion. Knows
you deserve it. You know, you don't know what his name?
(28:51):
His name, so as you know, Danielle is getting married
to Dad. I know I saw her. Where is she?
Where's my girl? She's in the bridle stall. The bridles
don't know where is that? Okay? Okay, By the way,
you look lovely, well, thank you mother of the bride.
I thought I could not make beige look good, but honey,
I did it. You did it. Quick question. We knew
you were coming. But who who Who's going to be
(29:13):
walking Darlene down the aisle? Danielle Danielle part of me? Um,
you know we have, We've got some unconventional plans for that.
Well for examples. Oh absolutely, what is this? This is
cheese on a cracker on a cracker. I've never had that.
What's that like? That's pretty? What tasted like? Okay, you
(29:36):
sound you know what I gotta. You sound like a
cute little piggy when you eat. Thank you, You're welcome. Ron,
Thank you so much you Ron. That was damn good. Ron. Hey, Ron,
I'm sorry about this. We're gonna have to move your
section again. I'd love to have Ron at the wedding
for like a pre show. Yeah, we could love. I'm
(29:59):
the manager here. And frankly, you didn't pay for that package.
You know you you paid for that was a free sample. Yeah,
but I'm saying you got a Tier two package which
is not included Ron as the camera. Well, but if
Ron just moves his free sample station, isn't that sort
of a loophole. Jimmy Jack, I know your mom. You'll
be calling all right, No, no, no, alright, alright, Ron, Ron,
you were honestly, I'll make six bucks an hour regardless
(30:20):
of which tier you buy, so you don't really make
don't matter to Ron, don't marry to me. I love,
I mean, I just want to make sure the cheese
is good. And that's good with Ron, then that's good
with me. All right, I thought the cheese was great.
You're sort of white and orange. I love that. I've
never seen that. Daniel is going to freak. Okay, well,
let's manager. Yes, I like to return a shirt. All right,
(30:44):
Well you can go right over to customer services that
already I want to return it to you. I'm sorry,
it's my daughter's with that. Well, I hope she doesn't
get divorced. Well, because I've been there. You don't talk
like you don't know my life. I don't know you.
You smell like ship. Well you smell like ship. Yeah,
(31:04):
well you're tagged me down. I guess good. Here, all right, right,
this way to Danielle's bridle stall, baby girl, I'm almost here, Mama.
I'll leave you to alone. Thank you, all honey, come
on out, mama. I want to come out. How old
is she? She's old enough to know better. That's what
(31:27):
I say. Come on out, dude, But I don't want
to come out. Baby. I bet you look beautiful. I
don't feel it. It's a tight eyed dress. Baby, there's
no way not to look beautiful. Come on out. What
if Trucker doesn't want to marry me, Trucker. If he
Trucker doesn't want to marry you, I'll handle Trucker. I
can't do mama, honey. Come on, Let your mama see you.
(31:50):
Let your mama see you. What do you think? Oh
I knew, I don't know that. Yeah, I want some
cheese and crackers. Thank you, honey. I got him to
come to the wed and put him on the floor
and kick him under. All right, there you go, Thank you.
(32:10):
List are good. Listen. If Trucker don't want to marry you, baby,
I'll walk you down the aisle and I'll marry you myself.
I want to be my mom. Why not? My mom
can't be mom. I'm sorry to slap your stupid little face,
but you can't talk like that to your mom. This
is your wedding day, this is my wedding day too,
mother of the bride. And if Trucker Cooperman doesn't want
(32:34):
to marry you, well, then Trumper Crooker Cooperman, Trucker Cooperman.
I just messed it up a little because I got
cheese between my teeth. Hey, did I tell you I
got your flower girl? What do you mean? You found?
She was in the parking lot? You found a small girl.
She's so cute, You're gonna love her. She's you help me? Yes,
(32:58):
I'm getting hitched day. Are you miss? Not supposed to
see the bread base? That man? You don't got to
tell me I managed this? This here Walmart? Your name?
Are you trying? You? Mr Cooperman? I am true? Okay,
should I do well? We do have I gotta get dressed.
I understand. You can follow me right this way. We
(33:20):
got a groom sweet just for you. Damn, that's spam.
That's spam everything. And come on follow me by the way.
I want to say congratulations. Hold your breath on that one. Well,
I don't know. She seems like a lovely woman and
her mom and my right mom. Sorry to interrupt. I'm
in Specus trying to find the flakman. Wedding. That's tomorrow.
(33:41):
That's tomorrow. Are you Are you in from out of town? Yes,
I've been from I've been from New York hunting. Oh wow, wow,
well blackmen wedding. Yeah, that's tomorrow. Now listen here, you can,
you can. You can hang around today if you want,
if you want to, if you want a Walmart at
this at this wedding, I hope brand of fancy. But
(34:03):
you are the first Jewish by person sing. Why would you?
How do you know she's Jewish? I mean I've seen
enough television and movies to figure this ship, right, I am,
thank you, thank you for not insulting my intelligence. And
what do you use? Some kind of TRUCKA that's hilarious.
That's her, that's his name actual and it's also my occupation.
(34:26):
So you're here for a wedding also because you're not
our wedding. Is there two weddings here today? No, sir,
we have your waiting to today as Cooperman and tomorrow's
thank you. So the Jews or tomorrow, Wow, they're always
here for every day at wall Mrs are you you
you you're You're more than welcome to stay. There's plenty
(34:48):
of room Uh, they don't stay you mean shop, No,
I mean attend your wedding. Frankly, we didn't get a
lot of rs vps, and I'm worried when we're gonna
have too many people there. So it might be nice
if you feel you are all hang out. It's the wedding,
No biggy, terrific. Help yourself to return this shirt. Well,
I'll go to custom. I like the way you hand. Okay, now, baby, listen,
(35:11):
Mama looking my eyes and Mama Dan, you just gotta
make it down the wedding. I heard Jimmy Jack. We
don't have a lot of rs vps, but the butt
there a lot of people couldn't come. I don't know
if it because of me and your dad. Fancy place
we could think of, don't have to come down here.
Send the sausage on the door for you. Thank you. Now,
(35:34):
I'm listen, baby, you wanted the best. I got you
the best. We're in the floral section, honey, we got cameras. Okay,
we are right next to the feminine products. We are
you're a queen. You're a queen, Babby, and you're gonna
walk down that awl and you're gonna look like a queen.
All right, okay, I'll get married to I don't I
(35:55):
don't feel like I just I don't like the way
that fail. What do you mean I felt Danielle, Danielle,
get off me, Danielle, Danielle, your n your grown woman, Danielle. Hey,
it's means Jimmy Jack. Hi, Jimmie, Jimmy John, Jimmy Jack. Okay,
(36:15):
you know your name. It's been a day, Danielle. Don't
be hard on him working his couto. By the way
you look, you look lovely. Um. A couple of couple
of information points One, Danielle, cover your bone spot. I
don't care. I'm not marrying him. Okay, what was it, Jiman?
Have to have two points of information One Mr Cooperman's here.
(36:37):
You gotta walkie on y right? Uh so we got
a walking trek. He's wearing a walkie walk. I thought
we had a walk in gear trek. Or say you're
that's and too. We got a weird delivery. We got
a gigantic what horse in the parking? Oh my god,
(36:58):
say of Danielle. A romantic. Oh my god, we're gonna
eat that horse is gonna have to adjust the menu. No, no, No,
we're gonna still do the cheese cubes drawing, Danielle. That's
for your photos when you guys get married, y'all can
hop on the horse, ride right down on the protostyl
(37:19):
or whatever. Alright, alright, I'm gonna eat it, Danielle, Danielle,
I've never fed her horse. I want to go on
the records. It was a weird place to jump to.
So we are just a few minutes out. I gotta
get together. I'm gonna see the rest of the guests,
get the horse situated. Ron, How you feeling good? I'd
love an updated head count. You got you got right now?
(37:41):
Right now we are at I'm gonna look here in
my list. Here one. Are we doing the cafay seating
where it's like a cabaret style all two tops? Or
what are we doing? We're saying a little shot. We're
doing a series of two tops. I was not made
aware of that. Okay, make an adjustment. That's on the
sketches that Jimmy jack did for me. Jimmy Jackson handling
every thing. I've been very busy lately. I'll tell you
what that we got three we have three confirmed here
(38:04):
are confirmed. So don't get nervous. All right, I'm people,
I'm gonna I'm gonna work fast. I'm gonna I'm gonna
check in with Trucker. Did you did you need me
to tell him anything, any kind of special message? Don't don't.
Don't come in here, don't in the concision there, don't. Oh,
(38:26):
I've seen all of the loves to play hard to
get it. I'll wait out here and follow the rule.
That's not. I have died, My power source has died.
We have a problem, Dan, Chris move well, I didn't.
(38:51):
I'm just okay. Here we go. Keep keeping it up, everybody, everybody, darling,
Why don't you hop? Why don't you Why don't you
go into that stall? I'm Jimmy Jack. I'm going to
take care of it there still, I'm here, okay, all right,
there's wanna make sure that we're gonna do this. You
stay the hell out. I'm getting in, honey, and you
(39:12):
know that I'll stay out for now. All right, I'm
gonna go check in with the horse wrangler real quick
and make sure he's good on t Jimmy Jack, get
Trucker out of here, all right, truck, are you following me? Whatever?
You say you're the most Okay, yeah, this is not
a train horse. This is not a train horse. So
(39:33):
this wait wait wait, wait you're telling me, you're telling
me this horse just a wild horse. I caught this
mustang this morning. Keep breaking real quick. He's you know,
it takes months to break a broncho. Okay, it's sounding
a monkey. It does, it does. That's weird. That's weird.
I don't know. Okay, all right, everybody relaxed, everybody, Really,
(39:56):
this horse is kicking the ship out of Oh my god,
is this how you run a wedding? Wedding? Did they
make a mistake on the invite because it's not today? Huh?
I came to Walmart and wherever the funk I am,
(40:18):
and the wedding is not today? Oh my god. Alright, alright,
I told you the horses out of control. Is that
one of the monkey horses? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, trucker. All right,
you what's your name, sir? My name is Bob, Bob.
My name is Bob Bob. I need you to touch
(40:39):
my face and look right into my eyes. Okay, I've
got a wedding. I got I've got a wedding. Horner
to this war are you son of a bit? Oh god,
oh no, where are you going? Stay here with a horse?
I got a defended on you. You stole my horse.
Where you're on? Smar horse? Yes, that's tomorrow, laying it
(41:06):
back in the car. We're not going to the stupid wedding. God. Okay, okay, horse, okay, okay,
washy okay, okay, Look at here horse, between you and me,
between you and me. I really needs you to come through.
I really needs you to come through for me. This afternoons,
(41:30):
I feel like you just talk to me. You know what?
I am even gonna question it. We've got a waiting
to get to. Is this is this the horse we're
supposed to eat? Did you want me? You want me
to cook it up? Run? And you'repe they call it
cheval you were You are something special. I'll tell you what.
Ron and this wedding is lucky to have you get
a bump and pay. I'll look into it. Why does
(41:52):
Ron make six dollars an hour? I'm making five dollars
an hour. I'm making five dollars an hour, and I'm
taking everybody now is not the time. As you can see,
I've got a big wedding. To plan. Oh the winds,
I can't but late Walmart done down a wedding business.
We're not just the raw handled. I guess I'll just
be on the checkout. We're gonna have to shoot the horse. No, no, no,
(42:16):
it's it's it's a real important part. Yes, you can
get ladies, it's time, it's time. Are you ready ready?
Oh my god, the price. The prices here are incredible,
Thank you so much. The deals fantastic. I want to
(42:39):
return to hurt. Wait, hold on, what's your name? Singer?
Mic singing? I was just about to ask you, do
you have any singing talents? Hold me a tune? You're hired?
Al alright, stand over here and I will return to
the shirt. I will give you the full return price.
Stand up right there, I wrote, I wrote my own bell,
(42:59):
terrific to get to. And we're gonna get to those
right now. Right baby, I'm gonna walk you down. Okay,
Baha boys or no, baha boys. You're doing this. You're
marrying trucker. If you don't like it, you can get
a divorces. You just can't one of those. Okay, music,
(43:19):
and I think I'm standing in horrors poop. I think
that Scott blood. That there is loving. He's just hump you,
just humpy. I guess hey, Mama, you're gonna be my
mama now, Mamma. Is the most beautiful wedding I've ever
(43:44):
been to. We try our best here, we try our best.
Fantast's leaving the ceremony. There's no praise here. What effort
the You're gonna make it so that we know, Jimmy
Jack Yeah, can you please officiate the damp thing? You
know I can? All right, let's do this. Ladies and gentlemen,
Oh my god, that I wasn't our distinguished guests coast?
(44:08):
Can I get more of the cheval please? It's delicious.
We want to say we are happy that you chose Walmart.
There's a place to spend the most special day of
your life. Can y'all stop two in wall? Sorry? I
just I'm hungry. Now, man, I have the groom step
forward place. Yes, and the bride they've written their own
vowels sign to each other this moment. Uh, you should
(44:34):
I go first? All right? Mama? Sorry, baby girl, I
knew when I first saw you. Look at me now
look at my mom? Right, baby girl, little baby girl.
I knew when I first saw you in your mama's house,
when you walked in to her bedroom, that you were
(44:59):
the one for me. If I were to ultimately make
your mother happy, then then you and I should get hitched.
And so I would like everyone to know in front
of God and whoever the hell else was watching, that
my love uh your mother and you and I would
(45:22):
like you to be my bread. And this is so beautiful,
right uh I will. I wanted to say that you're
the most You're the biggest man of eversy in my life.
And if there's one thing I know is that time matters.
I just want you know that you're just of the
(45:43):
love of my life. And I will do everything in
my power to make you more powerful and give you
in sickness. I'll make you sick if you want to
make you healthy, that you get hold onto yourself. To
hold onto yourself, you lose yourself. And it's just perfect.
You can listen to your mom all right now, Ron,
Will you please bring the ceremonial cheese cubes? All right here?
(46:04):
You are open your bus. You want to say a
blessing or something, Ron, So there's gonna be a reception
and I'll tend everybody just grab a packet of jerky. Beautiful, beautiful,
Well on me, I'm run the checks. Well, I gotta say,
today has been a really hectic day, but it's also
been a real beautiful one and it is my pleasure.
(46:24):
Who wait, I have to say otherwise it doesn't come
too You may kiss the bride. Oh damn, I got hand.
Maybe Trucker, you might want to go console your wife.
Baby all right, they're not officially man and wife yet. Yeah, Mama,
I'm gonna use this opportunity. She's the dead. I don't
(46:47):
think baby girl's gonna make it, all right. I think
you're about Trucker. So this is it. We got everybody gathered.
I mean, this looks like a hemorrhad of the brain.
She's done. I think we do this. Jerky is kosher.
By the way, we do somebody step on a glass
or something. Because mom and me are doing this, you're
leaving your dead daughter here. I'm still righting. We'll prepare
(47:09):
the funeral next. I assume wal martle handle it as well.
I love you so much. You're great, all right, then,
I guess by the power invested in me by the
UH State, I can't. What do you mean you can
get that horse? Let's get the hell out of here. Ron,
It's been a real long day. It's been a real
(47:31):
tough day. We came to get married. Well, I think
we're eating I thought, right, Ryan, you know what's right,
Jimmy Jack, Yes, sir, will you do me the owner
of making me the happiest man in this Yes, sir, Yes, sir, God,
y'all I can do it. I'm more dame. All right,
do it. Y'all are married. We gotta do some paperwork.
(47:54):
Is going to take a little while, but just for
the feeling, y'all are married. Goes out a horse again,
Here goes out a horse your heads and then the
horse fell over and was all celebrated. Chevalier. Was that
the name of the horse? Meat? And you're familiar with it? Vanessa? Delicious?
(48:19):
All right? So right to us as always your name
here at alchemy this dot com. I want to thank
our alchemists. Uh, Jimmy Jack Keeney, thank you so much.
People know where to find you by now it's the
heat on what is it? Platform? Sure, I'm various social platter. James,
he need to the real James, right, Bear supply, what's
that we speak for him only because he passed out.
(48:42):
Joey check me out at Jeffy Greeber on Instagram. Bear supply,
what's that comedy theater? Sister at the Dice typewriter speaking
of dinsa typewriter, Vanessa, Oh, thank you, I'm speaking of Dynasty.
Oh it won't have been, It'll already have been. I
was going to talk about your what a great show.
But check out dis chap our dot comference tickets, yeah,
(49:02):
calendar dot com, the things. We've got great stuff going on.
And I'm on Instagram and Vanessa hope and I just
I'm always a pleasure to be here. Christovao, Yeah, what's
the comedy theater where Joey and Vanessa and myself Also
we're taking a show that's not called bare supply, it's
called pretty pretty. They forget it because they're trying to
(49:22):
put there like their eggs in one basket, but you
want to consolidate the brand. Whatever. But it's the great
show first Thursday every month, ten pm. It's incredible to
check out the Westside Comedy dot com for more details.
Craig kako at Kikowski on Twitter. See Kikowski on Instagram
and Craig Kaikowski on your television screen. Nice congrats on
(49:44):
another amazing season. Dan Goodman, Dan Goodman, engineer sitting in
when the microphone got ripped out Johnny on the spot. Yeah,
you don't know what happened. Listeners do not know. That
is why we're telling you break. They would have cracked.
Under Sophie Lectuman, our producer to the stars, and all
the fine folks at our Heart Radio. Thank you once again.
(50:05):
Right to it's folks, your name here at Alchemy, this
dot com review the show. Tell everyone you notice subscribe
so we can continue bringing you the laughter until next time. Yes,
Welcome back to alchemy. This I'm yours, Kevin Pollak's that. Yep.
Let's get to our first scene, shall we. Every week,
I'm just gonna try to figure out how to mess
it up at the beginning and try something different, right,
all right? So this one this week, UM, I decided
(00:23):
to pull from the weird news headlines that caught my
interest and um some stories that were pulled from there.
This first one is a combination of that and my
own imagination. Here we go. The advancements in artificial intelligence
has finally reached our homes in the form of housekeepers,
nanny's gardeners, and handyman and or women. With all great
(00:46):
advancement come setbacks. However, we take you now to the
home of Connie and Carl Fleckman, where the help well
need some help. So just again, the model is very,
very self efficient. So all you just need to do
is say exactly what you wanted to do, and then
(01:06):
you know it'll be able to do it clean. I'm
I'm a little I mean, I'm excited. Okay, I'm excited,
but I don't if something feels weird about it, Scott
Scott right, it's skit. Part of me skip. My wife here,
she works a lot and she but she also makes
it a point to keep our house clean. And there's
the breadwinner, yes, thank you, and the homemaker. I think so.
(01:32):
I was just thinking that, um, this product would be
a life saver, definitely benefit you. Yeah, I actually take
a lot of stress off of you. You know one
thing I can recommend. Also, there's additions to it that
can help organize as well as helps. You're a physician,
I am yes, so, and you a writer. So what
(01:55):
we can do with that is we'll have availabilities to
connect that to the hospital itself. What are we connecting
to the hospital? Oh? Your service vehicle? Your service unit here?
Oh wow, this can also organize my work completely. I
mean we can program with additions to the proctor expense.
But nonetheless, something you want to it's fine? So, well,
(02:16):
what do we get to choose? The body type? I
looked in your catalog. I sell that there's like a
square box like machine looking thing, but I also saw
ones that look more like people. And I'm sure you
have great imagination as a writer. Why write? Yeah easily?
With Stephen King, I am terrific, Yes, so please, you've
worked with him he's just a huge fan. So yeah,
(02:38):
we can modify the body anyway you like. Actually, we
can use either of your forms to put into a
preston and it will come out just as that. So
if you along extended stays and whatnot, you know, there
they'll be you here at the home. Skip. Maybe we
should show them how one of the model works. Did
he come from? This is Grayson? He's my pleasure. You
(02:59):
have a son, so Jeff. Nice to make you Jeff
an old son. You look so young. Well, I'm just,
as they say, slightly more sophisticated than pops. Apple doesn't
fall far from the tree. Well, well one second, excuse me,
(03:20):
let me remove your filth from your home. Sorry about that?
Just turned on? Baby, You're you're doing it again? What
am I doing? This was your idea. I'm going along
with it. I'm yes. And you like you've learned in
that thing. It's not a thing. It's a class. It's
not a class because you're not actually learning anything. I
learned a lot. I learned how to apply that. And also, Babe,
(03:42):
I just feel like you're doing that thing in front
of me where you're like talking to really emasculating. Yeah,
in the form of flirting. I'm not flirting with who
what's skinned skill? Babe? No, No, I'm so sorry. I'm
in the middle of my of my third chapter's great
and really proud of I don't want so, I don't.
I want to make sure we're good. We're so good.
(04:04):
Rocks on. Okay, sorry about that. Sorry you just turned around.
We're back, We're back, so um turn the guy on again. Well,
it's based on your voice command, so everything's already preloaded
on there. It'll have all the cleaning functions as well
as the organizations. I added that no charge. Uh, just well,
I respected profession, and I can tell the work and
(04:26):
the baggage you got at home that you want to
be able to, you know, take care of dad. If
we may, we shall. As a point out, there's already
one in your garden, Cliff the gardener, so feel free
to call out to him as well. That looks just
like a man. That's exactly right. It's a shirtless man. Yes,
so this is the Adonis package. Everything there is silicom,
(04:48):
but it feels real and packing. How can I help?
Come on in, Cliff, come on, come on in, I'm
coming in. Oh, through the window. Wou does he shake hands?
He does? He Also, he'll scoop you up if you
shake hands. Hey, Cliff, Wow, nice scrip. Okay, beautiful eyes.
You have a great grip too, like this guy. Did
(05:13):
you say scooping? Scoop me up? Clip scooping? Spend me around, Cliff,
spending around? This is great. I hope you're enjoying this.
I am enjoying it. So oh it does feel like
you do? Feel like Cliff? Why don't you shoulder pressor
shoulder pressing? I feel so light, so strong? You clip?
(05:40):
Stop me talk you for a second. Do these things
ever malfunction? I can take this if you'd like, Dan, Okay,
the answer is no. They are works of perfection. Okay,
you simply control them with your own ideas and thoughts
and command. I guess my fear would be that, what
are your affairs? Please tell us frankly, I'm a little
(06:00):
intimidated by Cliff. I mean, he's gorgeous, he's strong, and
he's got robotic having fun? Am I having fun? Thank
you for asking? It's perfect, as you can see, Cliffs
here to hell. It's just a machine, that's true. Part
of organization is cleanliness. Let's get organized. Wow, we have
(06:20):
Marie Kondo books inside all of the machines. So so so. Yeah,
they're just machines. Okay, hey, baby, have to say setting
her down before we leave, I have to tell you this. Okay.
These machines have been known to turn on people. Wait,
that's what I just asked their owners. Wait, what's all right?
I just have to tell you kill the owners. Okay.
(06:43):
Father Skid has a hell of a sense of you
to the van place. He wouldn't do anything like that,
would you. I wouldn't do anything like that. Enjoy your
new units, and if you have any problems, just ask them.
They can have ay, have a phone in them, they'll call.
I'll catch up with you in a second. Okay, I'm
going to take the organizer, Babe. I want to see
what you can do with my files upstairs. Okay, I'll
leave you a cliff. Okay, all right, come on a
(07:03):
little guy. I'm on my way. Cool. Oh he's scared.
It looks like a little hippo baby. Hello, Cliff, anything
you want me to garden? Oh? Blonds doing pretty well?
Blonds in good shape. Yes it is Cliff. I was thinking,
you know, Josh always said he was going to get
(07:24):
around to building some window boxes and we could fill
those with some tulips. I know you can't do. Would
like me to build some window boxes and plant tulips?
I'd love that building window boxes, Oh, Cliff, so yeah,
but whatever you can do over here, maybe alphabetically you
can put my files in order. Loose papers are garbage.
(07:46):
That's what I think. Put loose papers into garbage. Hold on,
those are those are my ideas? A clean clean Okay,
this is gonna be a very clean day. That's a
great song. Um okay, okay, hold on, stop pause. Did
you hear that system? Paused? Okay? Um? Please pull paper
(08:06):
some out of trash? Can those are my ideas? Do
you know what ideas are? I have an idea? What's that?
An idea? Is an idea? Terrific? Okay those mimoses, these
are mimoses unwrapping trash, unwrapping trash. Okay, you keep trying.
Oh it's just your shoulders are a little tight. Wow. Hey, hey, hey, Cliff,
(08:30):
this is amazing. Stopping pausing, Cliff, you don't have to
listen to what are you talking about? You left me order.
You don't have to listen to him Cliff, got it.
He does have to listen to me. No, he was
working with me. Cliff, Pause, Cliff, I'm Cliff already paused, terrific.
(08:53):
I don't have to listen to you. Thank you, Okay,
to see grabbing my shoulders while we talk, thank you it.
Oh yeah, John, this was the best idea you've had
in so long. Thank you so much. Doesn't look a
good idea anymore. It's an amazing idea. Do you know
how stressed out I've been permission to go lower permission? Granted,
I've been working ten hour days, coming home still making
you that lasagn You're you're crazy for her cleaning the kitchen.
(09:16):
I'm exhausted. And the kitchen, oh my god, Cliff, not necessary. Sorry,
you can keep with the lower lumbar. We'll do the kitchen.
I bring in trash outside. Thank you. Little hippo's to
line out, Well, he's not. He's our little hippo. And
that's my Cliff as well. I think I've got your
Cliff m I did not tell him. Okay. One I
(09:40):
know Grayson is still around here because he said his
dad left and he said I'll be out there in
a second. Can you can we can we do a
factory reset on Cliff? Please? Wait, you can't know what?
Would you like me to reach that him to factory
settings where I can tell well, he'll listen to I
am paying the bills here, Grayson, you cannot rea that
(10:00):
my Perhaps the two of you would like to work
your thing out before we get on how better to
serve sweating? Okay, I've got this running around the block, father,
Please stand down. Something's going on. What's going on? Please
let us know how we can better serve you. That's
not that's not a real personal questions in your mind.
(10:22):
Question understood? Oh wait, a second question understood. That's a
pretty demord. Let's lower the blinds, shall we? Everyone's a robot, Cliff, Cliff,
raise the blinds. Cliff raising the blinds. Oh, I knew
you were a good one. Little hippo. That is not
my name, little hippo robot. Okay, yes, um, turn all
(10:46):
other robots back to factory settings. That's hilarious. I'm so
sorry you don't understand how it works. I've got to
go back upstairs and get more trash. Cliff, pick up
little hippo, picking up little hippo. Good good, good, Cliff
thank God for Cliff. Oh, don't wave him around. Kill Grayson,
(11:07):
killing Grayson, Josh, Cliff my son priority objective, Cliff, priority
of objective. Are you happy now? Service units connected form
ultimate service unit. It does becoming the notes? Oh my god?
(11:31):
Oh can we help you? Hold on? Wait, don't don't
run away, baby, why nuts, Let's just try one more command? Oh, Josh, Peter,
(11:52):
that was just blood streaks all across the wall. The
flirts wasn't painting, That was flirting, Josh, I don't want
to live here anymore. I always feel like I'm less
than a man when I'm with you, But right now
I'm gonna prove to you that I am a man.
Stand back, I'm taking my shirt off. He's so so.
I love you. That's hilarious, us hilarious. Wait, robots, stuff robots,
(12:21):
Thank you? Josh? Are you okay? I think I broke
both my hands punching a doctor. Don't worry. I mean
it's neuro but I know how to do all this stuff.
I just had the craziest idea. I'm listening you know
how you want to write crazy stories like Stephen King?
What could be crazier than what we're living right now, wow,
(12:43):
Cliff has to go a little lower lower? May I
go a little lower? You were one big whole thing.
Now it doesn't feel the same. So can I just
want to say the first two chapters of your book
were so real. Thank you. I mean, it's just like crazy.
Thank you so much for writing this piece. Please, thank you,
thank you. How can you make it out to Tommy? Please?
(13:04):
Oh sure you got it? Thank you? Can I just
say that chapter seven was maybe the favorite chapter of
all the books you've ever written, and I read it
every night. That's very sweet of you, Tommy. I'd like
to read it for you right now without actually needing
the book. Um, okay, there's a long line, but sure
give me a couple of Let him do that, okay, thanks?
(13:25):
Hi hi, hi hi. I lost my family in a
very similar way to you the way you've written, and
I just feel like we're connected. Really, I feel that.
I feel Hey, what's your name, Bud, My name's Ben. Ben,
stop crying. I will, I will. I just feel like
I have a real emotional connection. We were kind of
(13:47):
like them. We are. I can give you a command, Ben, Yeah, smile,
oh god, yeah, you go sid that guys. Spelling alright,
anybody next, who's next? I'm next? Hi there, what's your name? D?
D like the letter only with two ease on the
(14:07):
other side. Okay, D. And what was your favorite chapter?
My favorite? I did not read the book. I didn't
read the book, but I did see the picture of
you on the desk jacket. Yes, without your top on.
That's very sweet of you. That's very sweet of you.
As you know, I'm still grieving the loss of my wife.
I know. I'm so sorry to read about the way
(14:28):
she got ripped up from her lumbar. I did read
that party. She gave him permission to go lower, and
well it went lower. Gosh, that's so sad. Yeah, take
my hotel room key. That's a command. UM. I had
(14:49):
a robot say, okay, say affirmative. Affirmative. Oh my gosh,
thank you, you're welcome, and here's your book and I
will see you later. Howard Johnson, M. I had some
problems with your book. Oh god, what was the issue, sir?
(15:11):
I had some problems with your book. Yeah, we'll join
the reddit forum. Joining reddit for um. Lots of complaints,
one thousand down votes. Wait a second, pause, unit, pause,
you're not the boss of meh shit, she's as miss Yes,
(15:33):
thank you so much again for though. Of course, of
course you need to my book. Please, you need to
inform these I'm a big fan. You need to inform
the authorities about something bad's about to happen. We got
to wrap up this signing. Yeah, of course, great, perfect,
that's a good idea. Okay, great, storytime sounds good. May
we continue this in the parking lot? What's that, sir?
Do you want to go with these gentlemen or no? No,
(15:55):
I don't want to. I don't want to go with them.
Why would you suggest that we will make or you
get to your car safely? Our primary objective. Get your
hand off my lumbard. Okay, I saw the kids here
for story time. Let's just go. Now we're going to
read Mr Rabbit Finds the Wood chapter one chapter. Okay,
(16:22):
go pell wait for chapter books? Okay, Well, yes, I'm
being Okay, Well you're going to be there. Let's pick
him up. Okay, let's go. I'm gonna run into the bathroom, okay, Claire, Claire, Claire,
I'm not really, I'm just training to read books to kids.
I don't know if this is the book. Okay, let
(16:45):
me pick it up about chapter one a regular chapter book. Well,
it's really These chapters are extremely short, and I think
that you're going to find that the book is incredibly
moving and has a great moral compass. On there on
the window, there's a into robots ripping a man's spine,
children to lower children. I don underneath the desks quick.
(17:14):
I think they are pretty much just targeting him specifically.
Those are robots, and I think that they're out of control.
I think that kills right. They're not looking for other
peoples or nothing. They're moving on. Well, you shouldn't be
looking out the window. This is not appropriate. That shouldn't
be there. There's a man being killed outside. Let me
put these Claire new directive, read us a story directive.
(17:36):
New directive? Okay, interesting So chapter one Claire, new directive,
do it in a funny voice. Okay, new directive, funny voice.
I don't think I'm going to be doing funny voices
for children today. Um programmer to be so neurotic. So weirdly,
what rot wouldn't a good looking robot? My nanny is
(17:58):
really pretty and she also is purple. Am I a robot? Claire?
You didn't know I know, Claire. Looking at your wrist,
you'll see a number. You're my greatest work. You're my
greatest work. You are true, Ai, I didn't I don't
(18:21):
know if I always thought I was a real person. Oh,
your doubt isn't dear. Really, it shows the human side
of you, Claire. Oh my god, thank you. You're more
human than I could ever hope to be. But you
are human, aren't you? I am? Okay, Well then wouldn't
that be more human than me? Yeah? The advancement, you're
the evolution of us. Okay, wow, Chad, I must say
(18:44):
I'm very impressed looking at your two subjects in there.
So one thinks he's a human and he thinks he
built the other one. Holy sh it, how do you
think this stuff up? I mean, this is why. Yeah,
this is fucked up even for you. Isever ahead, man,
that's where it's going. This is a lot of money
that the US government's put it into you. Chad. Alright,
(19:05):
so looks good, it looks good. You're saying all of
this is for a podcast. Absolutely, that seems like a
lot of is man, it's all in podcasting. So the
one who thinks he's human, will he ever find out
he's not human. Yeah, he'll find out, like you know,
like two seasons in. Wowo, a arc already built in. Yeah,
(19:26):
it's on the Bible. Did you not look at the Bible? Yeah? No,
the Holy Bible? Because I think we all read that
there's no God. What did you say? What's up? What
did you just say to say what we were all saying?
It was laughing? No, I did read the Bible? Yeah,
I just did you just say there is no God? Well,
(19:46):
I mean, can you prove that there's no good? I
think God's right here in this room? I mean, cho people,
I mean I'm basically a guy. Right, What the this
is blasphemy God's and all of us? Is my point?
All right, you're backing, Okay, you're impressed with how I
programmed them. Wait a second, I got you again. Oh
(20:07):
my gosh, I wanted to make this one particularly religious. Wow. Well,
if that's the case, hit that angle. I want to
grab Sarah's but just because oh yeah, you can't touch
a woman like that either way, either way, either way,
(20:29):
either way, Wait, Chad, are you pulling one on me again?
And she really is a robot? I'm gonna give her
a kis real quick. Yeah, not a robot. Well she wasn't.
I honestly don't know about her. Honestly, she's not one
of mine. Chad, what did you lose control of? Which
was which? It's tough to keep track, and it's tough
(20:50):
to keep track. You can't be expected to be a god. No, no,
I can't. I'm just a man, a man named chadjection.
You're on her, this man created I did not say
sustained counsel. Mr Aguila, I don't know. I'm a bailiff.
(21:10):
I'm not as supposed to do. What the hell are
you saying, bailiff? I have not been able to understand
a single last week for himself bailiff again, I am
so confused. And it looks like there's some kind of
foam frosting around them. No, no, no, no, y'all not frost.
It's my way for hell. Okay, well, it looks like
(21:32):
it's you. With all due respects, dismissed the charges. I mean,
Mr Chad has a point. You're on sand order in
the court. I have brought a witness chance creation basis
(21:53):
the witness may have approached the band bailiff than you
forgive me from in correct you, But at this point
it is customary for the witness approaching bitch bailiff, new directive,
pick up the witness and put them in the bench.
Do not do that. Only take the directors from the
court Judge, new directive. Only to my directive, new directive.
(22:18):
Only listen to that council. Chad, listen, little hippo. Yeah,
the world is falling apart around us. These people in
this courtroom are going crazy. I don't even think they're
people anymore. They are not people. You were the only
people left. I'm the only on the whole in the
whole world, just being you man. Oh me and Chad.
(22:39):
You and Chad at the last two. Chad, you're a
murderer and you and I are nothing alike. So what
every everybody else is a robot that I made? Witness
stand down? Okay, what's going on? Oval rules, Oval rules,
Oval rulestrogram as will be inside an egg shape for
(23:02):
as long is that? Oh no, that's a good justification.
I'm gonna leave it. Okay. Now I'm gonna go to
jail for a long time for what I'm I'm a lawyer, um,
trying to save the human race. That's cool. Man, I
don't know if it's that call I failed, what's gonna
(23:23):
happen to us? So I don't even I can't tell
who anymore? Would you like to go to the prison
yard with us? He's definitely ye's. I always just thought
that they were gonna, you know, plug us in his
batteries or something like the matrix, but us as fuel.
That's what I thought. They're making me do manual labor,
and they won't even I don't want to break more rocks. Guys, guys,
(23:44):
the one thing you're not breaking rocks. The one thing
you're missing here is we've got something they don't what.
We've got a soul. It's right near the spleen, but
kind of around the kidney area. Do they have a rectum?
Do we know yet? I'm not sure. But we've got
soul and we can use that. We can harness our
soul power. Because so they don't then they don't have
poop and we have that over them as well. Great
(24:05):
we so we can poop and we have a soul.
I don't know if pooping's actually helpful. I've never looked.
He just poops, so we don't have to just soul?
What do you say we harness our power? How do
we do that? I'm not sure? Do you guys believe
in God? Well I might be able to help old
timer looks up shadows. You want to harness your soul power? Huh, Yeah,
(24:26):
that's the idea. That's kind of what we're thinking. Just
can't break any more goddamn rocks in the yard. Yeah,
all right, Larry, do these crystals crystals? What I mean,
how'd you get those? Smuggle? It will be my prison pocket.
That means it's yeah, what do we so you want
us to what do we do with the crystals? Well,
take each one of these crystals, but it on top
(24:46):
of your face, on top of my face. It does
depend in your prison pocket, and just let it fall
down here mouth, Larry, God, crystal in your mouth, keep
a little bit out and just suck on it like
you would like a little baby sucker. Could you demonstrate
for us? No, I don't want to let my soul
(25:08):
get into this crystal. But I'll say this again, I
don't know how much time I gotta left on this earth.
He just died. I'm doing it. I'm not doing the
crystal from the prison book. I don't care what do
you what do you guys? You guys care about germs?
All these robots are taking over our entire civilization? Do
you want to break out of prison? Wait a second, yeah,
(25:30):
how do we do that? I've been digging a hole
behind this post. This robot on our side. It's a
cool poster by the way Back to the Futureworth readA Hayworth.
You're mistaken in Back to the Future. Why are it's
a hybrid? Why are you helping us? I have an
emotional connection to you. Oh my gosh, it sounds like
(25:54):
a passion for me. Thanks prison lady. Yeah, we regularly
scheduled program for Dr Heeny's our All right, let's get
to our second suggestion. We just have time for one more.
(26:16):
This story caught my attention, and I'd love to see
what flies couple holds wedding in Walmart flower department. There's
an addition to this one in the same store, horse
and man escorted out of produce section. So this is
something that really happened, Yes, yes it is. Yeah, so
(26:41):
that we have all all toiletrees should be on Aisle
seven seventeen, I think it is. And then what how's
the wedding on today? The excuse me. The wedding. They
said there was a wedding, the Cooperman wedding. I think
it's Fleckman. Oh, I don't Fleckman. I think Fleckman's Tomorrow.
We have Cooperman Cooperman's today. I think. So how many
weddings you think we will have? I mean this is
(27:02):
a new thing, right, yeah, yeah, but I mean it's
obviously it's it's just so easy with all the with
all the displays that we already have already built, just easy.
We've got flowers and that's like, how much of that
are we charging more for the wedding than we would
for the flowers because we seemed to be don't you
don't know, Yes, we don't know this. Oh ma'am um.
(27:22):
There's a holding area in the back of the store,
it says employees, says employees only. We have a a
what's it called a reception, reception a section for you,
reception section, yes, another of the broad and what can
we do for you today? I'm just looking to where
I should be going. Where is my daughter? How beautiful
(27:44):
is this going to be? Your daughter is in one
of these stalls. She's in one of the unisex back. Well,
we just stuck the aisles to be honest with you.
So I think you want to talk to a manager. Well,
that sounds like a great Audia genius wears a manager.
Jimmy Jack is on today, Jimmy Jack. Find Jimmy Jack.
(28:06):
That was close. Jimmy Jack. No, he's not here man.
He's looking for and would you We'll call him. Well,
I guess we should call him. Y'all have an intercom.
I got a voice um attention on Walmart. Just actually
just attention, Jimmy Jack. Um, could you please come down
to the flower section next to the ocean gear. We
(28:28):
have a mother of the bride looking for you. Nice.
I was good. I think it was solid. Thank you.
That was fine. Yeah, yeah, okay, do for Jimmy Jack. Beautiful.
This is weird. Yeah, I got a little promotion. Knows
you deserve it. You know, you don't know what his name?
(28:51):
His name, so as you know, Danielle is getting married
to Dad. I know I saw her. Where is she?
Where's my girl? She's in the bridle stall. The bridles
don't know where is that? Okay? Okay, By the way,
you look lovely, well, thank you mother of the bride.
I thought I could not make beige look good, but honey,
I did it. You did it. Quick question. We knew
you were coming. But who who Who's going to be
(29:13):
walking Darlene down the aisle? Danielle Danielle part of me? Um,
you know we have, We've got some unconventional plans for that.
Well for examples. Oh absolutely, what is this? This is
cheese on a cracker on a cracker. I've never had that.
What's that like? That's pretty? What tasted like? Okay, you
(29:36):
sound you know what I gotta. You sound like a
cute little piggy when you eat. Thank you, You're welcome. Ron,
Thank you so much you Ron. That was damn good. Ron. Hey, Ron,
I'm sorry about this. We're gonna have to move your
section again. I'd love to have Ron at the wedding
for like a pre show. Yeah, we could love. I'm
(29:59):
the manager here. And frankly, you didn't pay for that package.
You know you you paid for that was a free sample. Yeah,
but I'm saying you got a Tier two package which
is not included Ron as the camera. Well, but if
Ron just moves his free sample station, isn't that sort
of a loophole. Jimmy Jack, I know your mom. You'll
be calling all right, No, no, no, alright, alright, Ron, Ron,
you were honestly, I'll make six bucks an hour regardless
(30:20):
of which tier you buy, so you don't really make
don't matter to Ron, don't marry to me. I love,
I mean, I just want to make sure the cheese
is good. And that's good with Ron, then that's good
with me. All right, I thought the cheese was great.
You're sort of white and orange. I love that. I've
never seen that. Daniel is going to freak. Okay, well,
let's manager. Yes, I like to return a shirt. All right,
(30:44):
Well you can go right over to customer services that
already I want to return it to you. I'm sorry,
it's my daughter's with that. Well, I hope she doesn't
get divorced. Well, because I've been there. You don't talk
like you don't know my life. I don't know you.
You smell like ship. Well you smell like ship. Yeah,
(31:04):
well you're tagged me down. I guess good. Here, all right, right,
this way to Danielle's bridle stall, baby girl, I'm almost here, Mama.
I'll leave you to alone. Thank you, all honey, come
on out, mama. I want to come out. How old
is she? She's old enough to know better. That's what
(31:27):
I say. Come on out, dude, But I don't want
to come out. Baby. I bet you look beautiful. I
don't feel it. It's a tight eyed dress. Baby, there's
no way not to look beautiful. Come on out. What
if Trucker doesn't want to marry me, Trucker. If he
Trucker doesn't want to marry you, I'll handle Trucker. I
can't do mama, honey. Come on, Let your mama see you.
(31:50):
Let your mama see you. What do you think? Oh
I knew, I don't know that. Yeah, I want some
cheese and crackers. Thank you, honey. I got him to
come to the wed and put him on the floor
and kick him under. All right, there you go, Thank you.
(32:10):
List are good. Listen. If Trucker don't want to marry you, baby,
I'll walk you down the aisle and I'll marry you myself.
I want to be my mom. Why not? My mom
can't be mom. I'm sorry to slap your stupid little face,
but you can't talk like that to your mom. This
is your wedding day, this is my wedding day too,
mother of the bride. And if Trucker Cooperman doesn't want
(32:34):
to marry you, well, then Trumper Crooker Cooperman, Trucker Cooperman.
I just messed it up a little because I got
cheese between my teeth. Hey, did I tell you I
got your flower girl? What do you mean? You found?
She was in the parking lot? You found a small girl.
She's so cute, You're gonna love her. She's you help me? Yes,
(32:58):
I'm getting hitched day. Are you miss? Not supposed to
see the bread base? That man? You don't got to
tell me I managed this? This here Walmart? Your name?
Are you trying? You? Mr Cooperman? I am true? Okay,
should I do well? We do have I gotta get dressed.
I understand. You can follow me right this way. We
(33:20):
got a groom sweet just for you. Damn, that's spam.
That's spam everything. And come on follow me by the way.
I want to say congratulations. Hold your breath on that one. Well,
I don't know. She seems like a lovely woman and
her mom and my right mom. Sorry to interrupt. I'm
in Specus trying to find the flakman. Wedding. That's tomorrow.
(33:41):
That's tomorrow. Are you Are you in from out of town? Yes,
I've been from I've been from New York hunting. Oh wow, wow,
well blackmen wedding. Yeah, that's tomorrow. Now listen here, you can,
you can. You can hang around today if you want,
if you want to, if you want a Walmart at
this at this wedding, I hope brand of fancy. But
(34:03):
you are the first Jewish by person sing. Why would you?
How do you know she's Jewish? I mean I've seen
enough television and movies to figure this ship, right, I am,
thank you, thank you for not insulting my intelligence. And
what do you use? Some kind of TRUCKA that's hilarious.
That's her, that's his name actual and it's also my occupation.
(34:26):
So you're here for a wedding also because you're not
our wedding. Is there two weddings here today? No, sir,
we have your waiting to today as Cooperman and tomorrow's
thank you. So the Jews or tomorrow, Wow, they're always
here for every day at wall Mrs are you you
you you're You're more than welcome to stay. There's plenty
(34:48):
of room Uh, they don't stay you mean shop, No,
I mean attend your wedding. Frankly, we didn't get a
lot of rs vps, and I'm worried when we're gonna
have too many people there. So it might be nice
if you feel you are all hang out. It's the wedding,
No biggy, terrific. Help yourself to return this shirt. Well,
I'll go to custom. I like the way you hand. Okay, now, baby, listen,
(35:11):
Mama looking my eyes and Mama Dan, you just gotta
make it down the wedding. I heard Jimmy Jack. We
don't have a lot of rs vps, but the butt
there a lot of people couldn't come. I don't know
if it because of me and your dad. Fancy place
we could think of, don't have to come down here.
Send the sausage on the door for you. Thank you. Now,
(35:34):
I'm listen, baby, you wanted the best. I got you
the best. We're in the floral section, honey, we got cameras. Okay,
we are right next to the feminine products. We are
you're a queen. You're a queen, Babby, and you're gonna
walk down that awl and you're gonna look like a queen.
All right, okay, I'll get married to I don't I
(35:55):
don't feel like I just I don't like the way
that fail. What do you mean I felt Danielle, Danielle,
get off me, Danielle, Danielle, your n your grown woman, Danielle. Hey,
it's means Jimmy Jack. Hi, Jimmie, Jimmy John, Jimmy Jack. Okay,
(36:15):
you know your name. It's been a day, Danielle. Don't
be hard on him working his couto. By the way
you look, you look lovely. Um. A couple of couple
of information points One, Danielle, cover your bone spot. I
don't care. I'm not marrying him. Okay, what was it, Jiman?
Have to have two points of information One Mr Cooperman's here.
(36:37):
You gotta walkie on y right? Uh so we got
a walking trek. He's wearing a walkie walk. I thought
we had a walk in gear trek. Or say you're
that's and too. We got a weird delivery. We got
a gigantic what horse in the parking? Oh my god,
(36:58):
say of Danielle. A romantic. Oh my god, we're gonna
eat that horse is gonna have to adjust the menu. No, no, No,
we're gonna still do the cheese cubes drawing, Danielle. That's
for your photos when you guys get married, y'all can
hop on the horse, ride right down on the protostyl
(37:19):
or whatever. Alright, alright, I'm gonna eat it, Danielle, Danielle,
I've never fed her horse. I want to go on
the records. It was a weird place to jump to.
So we are just a few minutes out. I gotta
get together. I'm gonna see the rest of the guests,
get the horse situated. Ron, How you feeling good? I'd
love an updated head count. You got you got right now?
(37:41):
Right now we are at I'm gonna look here in
my list. Here one. Are we doing the cafay seating
where it's like a cabaret style all two tops? Or
what are we doing? We're saying a little shot. We're
doing a series of two tops. I was not made
aware of that. Okay, make an adjustment. That's on the
sketches that Jimmy jack did for me. Jimmy Jackson handling
every thing. I've been very busy lately. I'll tell you
what that we got three we have three confirmed here
(38:04):
are confirmed. So don't get nervous. All right, I'm people,
I'm gonna I'm gonna work fast. I'm gonna I'm gonna
check in with Trucker. Did you did you need me
to tell him anything, any kind of special message? Don't don't.
Don't come in here, don't in the concision there, don't. Oh,
(38:26):
I've seen all of the loves to play hard to
get it. I'll wait out here and follow the rule.
That's not. I have died, My power source has died.
We have a problem, Dan, Chris move well, I didn't.
(38:51):
I'm just okay. Here we go. Keep keeping it up, everybody, everybody, darling,
Why don't you hop? Why don't you Why don't you
go into that stall? I'm Jimmy Jack. I'm going to
take care of it there still, I'm here, okay, all right,
there's wanna make sure that we're gonna do this. You
stay the hell out. I'm getting in, honey, and you
(39:12):
know that I'll stay out for now. All right, I'm
gonna go check in with the horse wrangler real quick
and make sure he's good on t Jimmy Jack, get
Trucker out of here, all right, truck, are you following me? Whatever?
You say you're the most Okay, yeah, this is not
a train horse. This is not a train horse. So
(39:33):
this wait wait wait, wait you're telling me, you're telling
me this horse just a wild horse. I caught this
mustang this morning. Keep breaking real quick. He's you know,
it takes months to break a broncho. Okay, it's sounding
a monkey. It does, it does. That's weird. That's weird.
I don't know. Okay, all right, everybody relaxed, everybody, Really,
(39:56):
this horse is kicking the ship out of Oh my god,
is this how you run a wedding? Wedding? Did they
make a mistake on the invite because it's not today? Huh?
I came to Walmart and wherever the funk I am,
(40:18):
and the wedding is not today? Oh my god. Alright, alright,
I told you the horses out of control. Is that
one of the monkey horses? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, trucker. All right,
you what's your name, sir? My name is Bob, Bob.
My name is Bob Bob. I need you to touch
(40:39):
my face and look right into my eyes. Okay, I've
got a wedding. I got I've got a wedding. Horner
to this war are you son of a bit? Oh god,
oh no, where are you going? Stay here with a horse?
I got a defended on you. You stole my horse.
Where you're on? Smar horse? Yes, that's tomorrow, laying it
(41:06):
back in the car. We're not going to the stupid wedding. God. Okay, okay, horse, okay, okay,
washy okay, okay, Look at here horse, between you and me,
between you and me. I really needs you to come through.
I really needs you to come through for me. This afternoons,
(41:30):
I feel like you just talk to me. You know what?
I am even gonna question it. We've got a waiting
to get to. Is this is this the horse we're
supposed to eat? Did you want me? You want me
to cook it up? Run? And you'repe they call it
cheval you were You are something special. I'll tell you what.
Ron and this wedding is lucky to have you get
a bump and pay. I'll look into it. Why does
(41:52):
Ron make six dollars an hour? I'm making five dollars
an hour. I'm making five dollars an hour, and I'm
taking everybody now is not the time. As you can see,
I've got a big wedding. To plan. Oh the winds,
I can't but late Walmart done down a wedding business.
We're not just the raw handled. I guess I'll just
be on the checkout. We're gonna have to shoot the horse. No, no, no,
(42:16):
it's it's it's a real important part. Yes, you can
get ladies, it's time, it's time. Are you ready ready?
Oh my god, the price. The prices here are incredible,
Thank you so much. The deals fantastic. I want to
(42:39):
return to hurt. Wait, hold on, what's your name? Singer?
Mic singing? I was just about to ask you, do
you have any singing talents? Hold me a tune? You're hired?
Al alright, stand over here and I will return to
the shirt. I will give you the full return price.
Stand up right there, I wrote, I wrote my own bell,
(42:59):
terrific to get to. And we're gonna get to those
right now. Right baby, I'm gonna walk you down. Okay,
Baha boys or no, baha boys. You're doing this. You're
marrying trucker. If you don't like it, you can get
a divorces. You just can't one of those. Okay, music,
(43:19):
and I think I'm standing in horrors poop. I think
that Scott blood. That there is loving. He's just hump you,
just humpy. I guess hey, Mama, you're gonna be my
mama now, Mamma. Is the most beautiful wedding I've ever
(43:44):
been to. We try our best here, we try our best.
Fantast's leaving the ceremony. There's no praise here. What effort
the You're gonna make it so that we know, Jimmy
Jack Yeah, can you please officiate the damp thing? You
know I can? All right, let's do this. Ladies and gentlemen,
Oh my god, that I wasn't our distinguished guests coast?
(44:08):
Can I get more of the cheval please? It's delicious.
We want to say we are happy that you chose Walmart.
There's a place to spend the most special day of
your life. Can y'all stop two in wall? Sorry? I
just I'm hungry. Now, man, I have the groom step
forward place. Yes, and the bride they've written their own
vowels sign to each other this moment. Uh, you should
(44:34):
I go first? All right? Mama? Sorry, baby girl, I
knew when I first saw you. Look at me now
look at my mom? Right, baby girl, little baby girl.
I knew when I first saw you in your mama's house,
when you walked in to her bedroom, that you were
(44:59):
the one for me. If I were to ultimately make
your mother happy, then then you and I should get hitched.
And so I would like everyone to know in front
of God and whoever the hell else was watching, that
my love uh your mother and you and I would
(45:22):
like you to be my bread. And this is so beautiful,
right uh I will. I wanted to say that you're
the most You're the biggest man of eversy in my life.
And if there's one thing I know is that time matters.
I just want you know that you're just of the
(45:43):
love of my life. And I will do everything in
my power to make you more powerful and give you
in sickness. I'll make you sick if you want to
make you healthy, that you get hold onto yourself. To
hold onto yourself, you lose yourself. And it's just perfect.
You can listen to your mom all right now, Ron,
Will you please bring the ceremonial cheese cubes? All right here?
(46:04):
You are open your bus. You want to say a
blessing or something, Ron, So there's gonna be a reception
and I'll tend everybody just grab a packet of jerky. Beautiful, beautiful,
Well on me, I'm run the checks. Well, I gotta say,
today has been a really hectic day, but it's also
been a real beautiful one and it is my pleasure.
(46:24):
Who wait, I have to say otherwise it doesn't come
too You may kiss the bride. Oh damn, I got hand.
Maybe Trucker, you might want to go console your wife.
Baby all right, they're not officially man and wife yet. Yeah, Mama,
I'm gonna use this opportunity. She's the dead. I don't
(46:47):
think baby girl's gonna make it, all right. I think
you're about Trucker. So this is it. We got everybody gathered.
I mean, this looks like a hemorrhad of the brain.
She's done. I think we do this. Jerky is kosher.
By the way, we do somebody step on a glass
or something. Because mom and me are doing this, you're
leaving your dead daughter here. I'm still righting. We'll prepare
(47:09):
the funeral next. I assume wal martle handle it as well.
I love you so much. You're great, all right, then,
I guess by the power invested in me by the
UH State, I can't. What do you mean you can
get that horse? Let's get the hell out of here. Ron,
It's been a real long day. It's been a real
(47:31):
tough day. We came to get married. Well, I think
we're eating I thought, right, Ryan, you know what's right,
Jimmy Jack, Yes, sir, will you do me the owner
of making me the happiest man in this Yes, sir, Yes, sir, God,
y'all I can do it. I'm more dame. All right,
do it. Y'all are married. We gotta do some paperwork.
(47:54):
Is going to take a little while, but just for
the feeling, y'all are married. Goes out a horse again,
Here goes out a horse your heads and then the
horse fell over and was all celebrated. Chevalier. Was that
the name of the horse? Meat? And you're familiar with it? Vanessa? Delicious?
(48:19):
All right? So right to us as always your name
here at alchemy this dot com. I want to thank
our alchemists. Uh, Jimmy Jack Keeney, thank you so much.
People know where to find you by now it's the
heat on what is it? Platform? Sure, I'm various social platter. James,
he need to the real James, right, Bear supply, what's
that we speak for him only because he passed out.
(48:42):
Joey check me out at Jeffy Greeber on Instagram. Bear supply,
what's that comedy theater? Sister at the Dice typewriter speaking
of dinsa typewriter, Vanessa, Oh, thank you, I'm speaking of Dynasty.
Oh it won't have been, It'll already have been. I
was going to talk about your what a great show.
But check out dis chap our dot comference tickets, yeah,
(49:02):
calendar dot com, the things. We've got great stuff going on.
And I'm on Instagram and Vanessa hope and I just
I'm always a pleasure to be here. Christovao, Yeah, what's
the comedy theater where Joey and Vanessa and myself Also
we're taking a show that's not called bare supply, it's
called pretty pretty. They forget it because they're trying to
(49:22):
put there like their eggs in one basket, but you
want to consolidate the brand. Whatever. But it's the great
show first Thursday every month, ten pm. It's incredible to
check out the Westside Comedy dot com for more details.
Craig kako at Kikowski on Twitter. See Kikowski on Instagram
and Craig Kaikowski on your television screen. Nice congrats on
(49:44):
another amazing season. Dan Goodman, Dan Goodman, engineer sitting in
when the microphone got ripped out Johnny on the spot. Yeah,
you don't know what happened. Listeners do not know. That
is why we're telling you break. They would have cracked.
Under Sophie Lectuman, our producer to the stars, and all
the fine folks at our Heart Radio. Thank you once again.
(50:05):
Right to it's folks, your name here at Alchemy, this
dot com review the show. Tell everyone you notice subscribe
so we can continue bringing you the laughter until next time. Yes,
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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