December 17, 2020 • 63 mins
The Geico gecko turns out to be a Russian spy.
Recurrent training for ghosts.
Fireworks.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID
nineteen edition. I'm your host, Kevin Moll. I guess that
Kevin was that well the time the tooth on side school.
But I digress. Let's meet open the order. Please send
good morning to Chris Alvarado. Chris not the old g Kringle.
Any thoughts on how how you'll ring in the new year? Um, no,
(00:25):
no thoughts. Thank you, excellent, appreciate it. Good to see you. Hey,
it's James Heeney James and Giant heen what's the latest
you were able to stay up as a middle schooler?
As a middle schooler, the funk that I just said,
I'm sorry, that's such a jarring question. I guess I
didn't really have a bed time that I had to
(00:46):
go to bed at. I had to probably be in
my room after ten o'clock. I don't think anybody ever
made me go to bed. No, one never made you
go to bed. So you were up as lady as
you wanted to on a regular basis. Yeah, but it's
I recall I would go to bed at like you know,
when I got tired on ten o'clock at night. I
just what I was looking for. Was there ever an
effort maybe we were together with a cousin or something.
(01:06):
I remember some effort to stay up for sure tonight
we're gonna stay right? You got anybody? Oh yeah, if
I made an effort, I could. James, when did you
start drinking coffee? I started drinking coffee when I was
probably no. Twelve twelve. When we would go on vacation,
my parents would let me have coffee as like like, oh,
(01:28):
we're going on vacation, you can have coffee. And I
would just pound cups of coffee, you know, because you
want to take advantage of the day. So they let
you drink coffee in the morning so you had the
energy to really get started. And you're saying that was
at eighteen, No, No, that was when I was like,
you know, a kid, a child. Then that would have
(01:50):
been the answer to Joe's question. Look out, it's Greg Kakowski. Kakoo.
What authored inspired your days in a media? Academia? The
most Achamedia? Acamedia. I could start something called Acamedia, Yeah,
(02:10):
because it's a it's a combination of academia and comedy. Yeah,
that's pretty much what my college life was like. I
pretended to read just about every book they threw at me.
There were a few that I read and wrote the
paper literally the night before. I think I read Faulkner's
Light in August In It's about a five out page book.
(02:31):
I think I read it. I wrote the paper in
a twenty hour period while remaining up the entire time.
And uh, that's more than enough Faulkner for me? And uh,
I'm I'm retired. And was it more than enough coffee
for you? Also, let's get back to that question, how
will you have? Never have drank it? Never will that?
Don't touch this stuff. Oh I enjoyed tea, sure, don't
(02:55):
get me started one don't. In those days, it was jolt,
That's what That's what we were drinking. Was Joel all
the sugar and twice the caffeine. He just changed James life. No,
I had Joke Cola in high school. I loved joke.
(03:17):
Do you ever have a surge? Not until I was older?
But yeah, I feel like James is watching another TV
show while doing this. Hey there's a tool sing hi
Captain Lee's boy thoughts in the latest episode below Deck,
Uh going good for me? I think maybe there's people
I definitely see online having a little bit of hate
(03:38):
for this. I'm I'm having a good time. I'm enjoying it. Uh.
I like it when the guests are kind of the
issue to deal with and and they're the problem. So
I'm having a good time. Sorry, less drama down below,
wouldn't you say, Chris, that's true, there's less drama down
below this. You know what, just ask he's so crushed,
he's had it with this nonsense that I love the betrayal.
(04:02):
The betrayal is crystal fucking clear. This is the last,
no more chorthole. If you think him late, it's Joey
greer um bottom because he's got him. Explained why Tom
Selleck isn't didn't I read this last week? That feels
old to me. Maybe I wrote it last week. Explain
to me why Tom Selleck is insisting I fall for
a reverse mortgage? Yeah? That was how fucking weird. I'm
(04:26):
not gonna answer that again. Possibly you you thought of
the same question a second time to ask him. Nope,
I wish it were. Let's do a damn show. All
of our scene suggestions gather from your listener emails or
from our patron v I p s to come to
Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content and
other purpose. Just head on over to patreon dot com
slash alchemy. If you like to set a scene suggestion
(04:49):
by an old timey email, I love to read him
and gather them for this outing. Please write to the
podcast at your name here and I'll give me this
dot com. That's your name here. That's perfect. Seen one
comes from patron v I P Jana than he gave
me a lot of ship, or they gave me a
(05:10):
lot of ship last time I mispronounced their name as Jonathan.
It is Janathan who wrote, Hey, Kay Paco, do you
guys uh nope. Do you think you guys could do
a scene where the Geico Geck turns out to be
a Russian spot Russian? I don't think we can. That's
(05:34):
an American icon, even though he has a British accent. Hey,
thanks for coming in. So we're gonna voice Um. I
don't know if he got the sides. We're gonna voice
the Gecko today. We're gonna try a little something different. Yeah, totally.
I was thinking that maybe you know, I was gonna
do something a little different. Maybe, Uh, you know, um,
I was thinking maybe, um, maybe, I don't know if
it's gonna be on camera work, but I can totally
do on camera work as well. I'm totally I'm keeping
(05:56):
I'm totally happy to do any kind of whatever the whatever.
The studios asked, well, I can do. I mean it
doesn't I mean, I you tell me, you tell me
what we're doing, I'm gonna do it. That's pretty much.
I mean, I'm ready to do it. Jimmy, can we
can we can just me all all the Jimmy. Can
I do that again? Jimmy, do you mind if I
do that again? I could do better if I do.
(06:17):
How many Joelts have you had today? Joelts? You told
me not to drink anymore? I didn't you know? You
told me not to have anymore. I so, you know whatever,
I drink whatever what I had left so I would.
The stash is done no more. I'm gonna give you
one shot at this, buddy. Pick any accent, stick with it,
read the copy, ready, start when you're ready? Okay, uh
(06:41):
m hmm. Do you like cornsurance? No, Jimmy, I'm Jimmy.
I'm dropping you as an agent ash Yeah, okay I'm
a good agent, roles for yourself. You don't get it, Carl.
(07:08):
I'm afraid the agency is no longer need your services.
You lost one of our favorite clients, and we see
no other course of action other than to let you go.
So until you maybe resigned, Jimmy, Um, you know, I
guess pack up. You shouldn't be out by know, Carl,
(07:28):
what do you mean you're no longer an agent? You
were trying to get work as an actor from another
actor as an agent as well. I was, yeah, as
an agent, and then I had an agent who's helping
me out. I don't this doesn't even make sense. Um,
I think I don't think you've phoned it. I think
it makes sense. I'm sure I think you're not understanding it.
Great get around, actors welcome. This is what is preferred
(07:50):
to as a cattle call. So a lot of you talented.
I'm sure I'm gonna i'm your session run. I'm gonna
be very quick with the explana. Okay, my client, my client,
they want they want this to be clean, they want
this to be a fun experience. Let me, this is
a session here, session wruter. So here's what we're looking for.
(08:10):
I'm an Asian. Okay, my clients they need they need
to have fun, they need to be late, didn't they Look,
we know who you are, by the way, Okay, we
know you man. We don't like you. The industry doesn't
like you calling the name calling the as I was saying.
So we're gonna be asking you to uh memorize something
other than line. Okay, other than line. So that means um,
(08:35):
for me, have an agent. That's why I'm here here,
guys here with me. He said, what did you say?
They don't go with you to that? What did you say?
So that is it? So we will start. Um, we're
gonna go. We're gonna be going you sir, Yes, you're
right there. Yeah, come on in, come on in behind you.
(08:56):
Terrific Okay, no question. Oh good man, thanks thanks for
bringing me in this office. Loves you, loves you. I
mean that that explanation was pretty It was good, right,
it was good because you know what I hate section
runners who like bring their own ships to the explanation.
Just get to the audition. So the client is a look, okay,
(09:20):
so um, yes, to go ahead and pick up that suit,
that briefcase. Part of me the briefcase. It'll be a suitcase.
But just in the audition, it's a briefcase, you know
what I mean. And then, um, give me one second. Hi, Um,
so you want him to just pace up and up
and down? Is that right? And he and he looks
the camera. I want them to the nones America. Okay. Um,
(09:42):
we didn't get any copy before sold. Just think I
will give you such classify these. You could use euphemisms,
that's right, okay, okay, okay. So, um again, it's a client,
international client. I'm willing to shave it, by the way, great, great, okay, Yeah,
we'll do a slate. Um, So basically, you're gonna denounce America.
(10:02):
Have fun with it. Huh, have fun with it, make
it my own, make it your own. Very good. Okay, great,
So we're gonna slate you. Hi, what's your name? Well?
Oh wow, uh Craig you are you will in the shape? Yes? Okay,
terrific and uh and tell us something about yourself. Um,
(10:26):
just get to the audition, okay, okay, okay. So, so
you're gonna start on that's that side of the room
and go ahead and just walk across this way. Okay,
And oh man, American? Am I right? Oh? What's what's
going on? What's the deal? I mean it's uh. I mean,
(10:49):
do you think a country it's been around for two years?
You know, we get get it. What's up going on
with this electoral college? Uh? There's so much missing information
out there? Great cut, cut, it's given me one sec.
Are you repped? Huh? Are you repped? Are you? Are
(11:12):
you too wrapped? Are you too wrapped? I just heard
your idea. I mean who you repp by? What's your agent? Well,
I'm commercially rep. I am who's your agiatrical representation? T
g f D. Those fucking guys are sick as hell? No, no,
t g m D. It's just sorry, guys, you can
all head home. I booked it. I know. I know
(11:35):
that's the joke that everyone makes when they walk out
of the room, but I actually they offered it to you.
You're in the room for a minute. What the funk?
I know? I know? Did you have an agent? Hey? Everybody,
I told you already I have an agent. I just
want to say thank you so much for coming out today.
We Uh, the client decided to go a different direction.
(11:56):
Well we have everyone go anyway, just because maybe he
didn't see everybody. That's the agent guy didn't see everybody.
That guy's got a point for the first time. He
didn't see me I have. There are a lot of
rooms here. You can write one for yourself and run
your own auditions for all I care. All right, the
great day, everybody. This is bullshit. I say, we wait
(12:16):
till the client comes out, and we just start auditioning
for him right now. So, hey, I thought I thought
he did a good job. It's really nice to work
with you. By the way, we're kind of excited. We
don't really know much about your project. We just know
it's Internet. Yeah, that's funny. You keep saying that all
every time ever since you've been here. Excuse me, guys,
(12:37):
I was in I was outside there waiting. I I'd
like to do an audition really quick. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I mean, we just it's up to you. We just
coming into Hi. I'm Joy Greer. This guy talent I guestuff.
(13:01):
But I hear more from career. Are you willing to
shave your bulls already shaved? Well? I know that. I
just I've worked with these actus before. I do that.
James Heeney. Yeah, he's done a lot of non union spots,
but he's recently union and that's kind of exciting. Listen
that we're definitely not going to pay for that union fee.
(13:22):
But I do need someone to take the hit, if
you know what I mean. I can't explain if it's
not clear. Jewey Greer has no real commercial success, so
he might be the one that you might want to
I mean, honestly, there's a lot, there's a weird energy
from him. I'm gonna be on this doing is he
(13:43):
like I have questions for Greer? Is it alretty? Okay?
Will you drink your own? Come? Already? Did this morning
when I shot my ball? The hell? Greig? Great? But um,
first of all, great audition, man, Oh thanks thanks? Um.
(14:06):
Fucking things things kind of change when you when you
when you left. Really yeah, James Heeney and Joy Greer
just they didn't want to accept that You've got the role.
And they went in into the office and um, looks like,
now we're gonna do it. We're gonna do a sudden
death call back. Oh, a sudden death callback. Yeah, that's
(14:28):
a common thing that happens in commercials. Well, you know
you work more than I do. That's sure, Yeah, I do.
I mean I feel like you've already You've done it twice,
you know what I mean, Like two things in the
last couple of months, Like yeah, I mean just the
fact that I have to audition for commercials. It's still yeah,
but but like but you know, but you book them,
and it's like it makes me think about, like, you know,
(14:49):
what am I doing wrong? And like what's my thing?
But ringing Christmas? Phone, Springing Christmas. Hello, all right, Chris,
This is Marty over here at all all the actors party, Chris.
I'm so sorry about this, but we're gonna have to
we'ren have to drop you in the worst Wait wait wait,
(15:12):
wait wait wait wait party party. I told you to
take all your clothes in your carry Chris. Are you
with all the actors the the grocery store slash agency?
I was I hello, Marty, Um, I told you I'm
(15:33):
in the room now, you know spring bring ring Chris
is phone Chris. That's right, right, right, It's a different
ring for different people. Yes, Hi, this is Steve Thompson
over Vahn's acting And I was just wondering if Um
you had representation you were happy with. No, I'm not.
(15:54):
I'm not happy with the representation. This could be the
phone call, like you know they talked about the phone call. Yeah,
that Vons actors. Is this my old speaker? Can you
hear this? I can hear yeah. Man, are you gonna
move your car? Are you just sitting in your car
talking to your phone? You gotta come back to you you.
(16:15):
They start telling at four o'clock and two South Lebrea.
It looks like you're leaving. So yeah, but good luck.
They're going to tell you here's something all right? There
is this a bad time? No, this is a great time.
This is a great time. This is a great time.
He's a great times. That diversity, James, how was your
(16:37):
how's your audition? Don't fucking talk to me about it.
I gotta go back for sudden death, Okay, getting into
getting mad at me? I made you. I'm not mad
at you. Fucking don't ask about it. Did daddy have
too much coffee? Did daddy have too much coffee? Coffee?
Just like I said, he always changed coffee. And it
(17:01):
says why okay, this this is I am in a
different headspace right now. Okay, I've got to go. Hey,
you you start drinking booze again. Please? Hey, um, I
know you guys are the clients and I'm the session
runner here, but I just want to tell you something new.
It's new information. I am now newly wrepped, and I
(17:24):
wonder if maybe I can put myself on tape before
the three guys come in for the sudden death. I
could show you my range. I saw what you want.
I can give you what you need. What do you
will you shape your back? I don't. I don't have
I don't have any back air pretty hairless. Give me
a moment, please, So nikolay, what is just a second?
(17:45):
What is it? Once you found out that the shading
thing was a standard question, you don't ask him for
every body? What is this? We don't care. I'm curious.
I don't just think it's enough to just shape fits.
Obviously you do. But you walk into the bedroom with
the theator, watch them shave, and I've seen you collect
(18:05):
the hair. What is that that? I'm that curious man.
There's just some problem for you A little bit, A
little bit. So it's almost four o'clock and you know
that that's when towing starts happening. But the three actors
are here, James Heney, Craig Atkowski, Joey career and if
you want it, and I'm here if you needed that, yeah, sure,
(18:26):
I'm sure we'll see you, I guess. Okay, so if
there is time, okay, cool. So same exclamation for the guys.
Anything new, but you want to see this time? Same Yeah,
I'm nervous. I'm nervous. But let's see what they bring this. Okay,
give me a one second. Put the guys over away,
(18:46):
put the um. I want to shop. So a couple
of things, Joey, James Craig. So they want you to
just like, you know, have fun. But they said forma
for me. Okay, just in bathroom, Just in the bathroom.
I heard already. You're ready to go again, actor guy,
(19:09):
all my clans are here. Let's do it. He's an
Asian actor, no agent, he's an agent actor. Okay, because okay,
in a different direction. That's yeah, me too. I got nervous.
I got nervous, all right, listen, So here's the thing, guys.
Only note is pick up the pace a little bit.
Pick up the pace. This is to the death right.
Did I miss today? I misunderstood this? I thought this
(19:31):
was to the death death Wait, I see these are
fucking commercials. Man. I don't even want to be here. Yeah.
I feel like he doesn't even want to be None
of us want to be here. But it's fun if
you are here to get one, you know what I mean?
So like for him, the experience is a little better
than for most of us. Were like, we go, but
we don't get him. Do you know what I mean?
For him? I don't want to be here. Okay, okay, okay,
(19:54):
um okay. So we're starting here with James heeney uh, James,
We're gonna get you a quick slate, real quick ahead.
I thought those other guys were going to come in
here and kind of okay, so that's your name now,
all right, and you know what you do and action.
Oh I was I was gonna stay. So think the
nuts of the clients. What do you guys think of him?
(20:14):
What the perfect is perfect for us? What are you doing?
What do you do? Say? This doesn't to meet me
around back? Fine, you can shave him, Oh you won't. Look,
this is the person that we're going to have the
hit them. You know what they mean? Did you see? Yes? Yes, yes,
that must I should have a name. Did you with
(20:37):
the hair? Do you want the other actors to come
in one that has seen one? You will not take
that any further. I bet Greg with about that. He
did it was his? No, he booked, Oh yeah, it
was his. Two counts from Larry, who wrote, hello, thanks
(20:58):
so much for reading my email on air, well not
really on their I super appreciate it and loved the
Black Jello episode. Anybody what happened? I don't know? Great,
I feel like, oh I remember, I remember it? What happened?
(21:21):
No clue? No, I feel like a real Hollywood type,
just like you, Mr Pollock. In all seriousness, I did
love the episode. I love you guys and a big
fan of the marvelous mrs. Look forward to the next season,
which I hope isn't too far away given the current circumstances. Um,
I feel it's gonna drop in. I feel pretty confident
about that. My scene suggested recurrent training for ghosts. Much love,
(21:47):
Larry Stewart. All right, just take a few questions before
we head on into the house. What's the difference between
what you're name and recurrent? What's your name? Uh? Groblin groin? Okay?
Is that groblin with a p. No, all right, what's
(22:11):
the question. What's the difference between recurring and recurrent? Has
anyone else kinna saw it as a rock? That's a
great question. Last time you were here, your questions kind
of kind of sucked. Yeah, I remember you saying that, yep,
and so you took the criticism tremendously. I feel as
you've uped your game. Stop talking to me. I don't
(22:32):
thank you, and I'm I'm just glad you're here, and
I'm going to ask you to stop. I don't know
what he's saying. Uh, search a little more inside, because
I think you know the answer to your question. Everyone
else in the room does. No. I don't know. That's
why I asked, are there any other question? What's wrong? What?
(22:54):
What did he say? What he's saying? I don't know
he'd answering question, because what the are you doing? You bother?
I don't know, man, I'm a Christian can ask a question. Yeah, yes,
right over there by the donuts. Yeah, thanks, Uh good
donuts by the way. Uh huh. I keep blowing out
(23:16):
the candle at the house I'm hunting, and h the
tenant who is my brother in law? He keeps saying
it was the wind, so at no point is he
thinking it's anything else. So every time I blow it out,
he's like, oh, that's the wind again, and so how
can I get better at great question? Great question? Again?
(23:36):
I think these are tremendous questions, and everyone's done their homework.
Excuse me, I have a question right there in the
middle by the wine, yes, so guy, by the donuts,
I'm gonna say, light the candle. Try lighting and unlit candle. Yes, sir,
I think there's been a mistake. I'm I'm alive. You
(23:57):
are alive and choose to talk like that, talk like
what there we go. Okay, that's a living person and
you are ghost. Okay, did you have a question? Question? Okay,
so welcome to human resources. So you are saying that
(24:19):
you are actually a living being? Is that correct? Yes,
there's been some mistake. Okay, Now that happens from time
to time. So ask a couple of questions here. I'm
just trying to find my wife and kids. Okay, what
was your last known address? Last known address Usworth House,
(24:42):
Bosworth Manner. Oh okay, so you understand this is just
a couple of questions. This kind of so we can
place you back into the living zone. It was so
long ago. Oh how long have you been here? Mm hmm.
What listen to me. It's kind of obvious you're dead.
(25:06):
What it's obviously No, I'm I'm alive. Look, we've seen
this happen before. My advice to you, go back to world.
I'll begin Bosworth Manna go there, hunt there for a while.
We're I'm touching you. I'm touching you right now. Oh yeah, Okay, boo, James,
(25:32):
just listen to me. Okay, why don't you let me
die for you? Okay, so I know what it's like
in the A life. I can come back and I
can think if you want to die or not. Okay,
I'll let you know if it's if you should be
dying or not. Okay, just let me do it. Choice
to make that choice, You're to make your agent. Okay.
I can do these kind of things. Okay, there's no
visitors after eight o'clock. I'm not a business I'm a agent, asshole. Okay.
(25:56):
So nearly killed in a sudden death call back. We're
doing we're doing everything we can for him, but it's
very I was there when he stabbed himself all right,
now look him on, James, what do you need huh r,
you can't. You can't switch spots. He'll see, he'll be
(26:16):
here healthy. You're extremely wounded. Oh who co edgy doctor?
To say the least? You want to deal with this
boring guy over here? He says no all the time. Uh. Sorry,
this because we're doing a classic good doctor, bad doctor routine.
(26:39):
I like him. The Georgs are great, Thank you. You've
got skinny, hairless legs. You know, it's very hard to
get muscle to get weight down there. But that's not
why we're here, is it. You should be read alright, docs,
So what's the issue you're saying? They can't switch positions. Look,
(27:01):
this guy is injured and this guy isn't well. Let
me see come over here, sir, the one who isn't injured. Okay,
then we have two injured patients, am I right? Look
if either of you dies here, you're gonna haunt the hospital.
We already have so many ghosts here because we've loved
so many patients. Needs cortaining out my arm. Now stick
(27:24):
those in him. Yeah, Mr Mr Keeney, I've just got
an update on your condition. They're checking your availability right, Oh,
really is on the twelfth shoot between the fifteen second
I'm available as long as second after four. Um, oh,
(27:52):
thank you so much. You're saying this martini was but
for me by one of those doctors over there. I'll
just say thank you. Uh, yes, it was bought by
one of them. O. My god, just have some emotion,
for God's sakes. She's just so dead behind the eyes
in a long day. That's not really what I want
to do, trying to be an actor but boring. Hello doctors, Hello,
(28:16):
thank you so much for the drink. Don't know which
one of you bought it. I'm sure you both split
the tag? Would you both wealthy talks? Yeah, he bought it. Yeah,
this guy bought it. What's up you? You bought it?
Oh you're a doctor? Sure? Um oh I thought it was.
(28:40):
It's something else, you know. I'm actually I actually I'm
gonna have to take the drink back. Yeah. So eight,
So did you get your answers or what? Dude? Did
you get your answers? When you're asking the questions, did
(29:02):
you get my room? What about? What do you want?
I want? I want you to say your best friend,
why are my arms and legs time, I'm helping to
make the decision. Man, I was thinking, who do you
(29:26):
have upstairs? Ryan? Jeez? What is he on about? Dear?
I think he's masturbating upstairs. Disgusting. This is disgusting. Do
you hear the How is it disgusting? If he's masturbating?
Is a He's a healthy young man, not in my house.
(29:49):
Not tell him to stop crushed. Okay, I'll go up
and tell him just that. Who do you want? You
just be my Okay? Okay, okay, okay, okay. So did
you final the answer? What's the difference between recurrent and recurring?
I don't know. I don't know. You're not together? Sure, Johnny? Johnny?
(30:13):
At your father? Are you in there? Yeah? He's staying
voices again? Can you just keep it down? Your mother?
I died three years ago, okay, okay, and so I
stayed here because I didn't want mom to be sad.
But now you're all down my fucking throat. Yeah. I
(30:35):
keep trying to explain that you've moved on, and she
won't let it go. So can we just keep the
noise down? Yeah, I'm sorry, it's all right. Welcome to
ghost Resources. So you father and son for having some issues. Um,
you're both dead, but you both hunting your at the
(30:55):
home of your wife and your mother. Correct, correct? Yeah,
all right? And you, sir, you think you're not a ghost?
Is that correct? I'm not a ghost? Why does everyone
say I'm a ghost? He died together, he drowned, He
drowned me. Then he shot himself. But I missed. We
don't ever talk about those moments. That's that's for human resources.
(31:18):
Some point, as I missed the point as I missed, Yeah,
he missed, ricochet. So I live with the grief of
drowning my son, but I certainly haven't not so upset
that I would kill myself. We have a saying here.
If you're exactly in ghost resources, you're a ghost. Okay,
that's the saying. That's the thing here ghost resources. Yes, okay,
(31:40):
all right? Does that work if you're recurrently say it again.
If you're currently in ghost resources, you are a ghost? Yes,
thank you? Okay, see why I drowned him? Yeah, excuse me?
Can I order a rusty nail? Please? Oh man, listen,
(32:01):
scot and boy the drink is? I know how to
make a rusty? Now? All right? The the the issue is
the drink is gonna go right through you and then
I have to clean it up? Mm hmm. Is this
is this Bosworth manner? Well, yeah, it's used to be.
Now it's called the Bosworth Bar. That's kind of where
all the hot meetings happen. This is where all the
agents hang out. It was once a mansion. Yeah, yeah,
(32:26):
I know the history. Um, all right, listen, the ghost disappointing. Well,
the ghost hang out in the back. You can chill
out there. But this is for humans. I'm not a ghost.
I am a person. Listen. I don't know what to
tell anybody, are you? Hey, mr ghost? Not a ghost
(32:51):
carried by a stranger at drink? Oh? Sure whatever, This
lady would like making a chaplain so blee all right,
coming right up, thank you perfect, I've been here for
a long time. Just a second, I'm sorry, did you
say pineapple juice? This is Philadelphi sha blye ye there
(33:17):
you go, oh the Philly shipling. Yes, the white wine
with a little splash of juice orange and that Do
I look like someone who's gonna drink a fucking Phillies
jews wine? Okay, and I'm gonna pause right there, so
look I'm gonna rewind the tape now listen, I'm gonna
(33:38):
slow this down. This is you whispering, God, I hate
this job. I'm play right here. Listen to this part.
You're taping us, Trevor. Yeah, okay, that is what it's
all because we're trying to we're trying to find evidence
of ghosts. Keep the bus board. I know that we
know this place is haunted, all right, and the more
evidence we can gather, it's going to prove this, and
then we can finally get that show I want on
(33:59):
the Travel Channel. We go to different bars, try to
rehab the bar, and the bars haunted. We exercise those ghosts.
It's called give Me. It's well the titles and I
don't have a title yet, but right now I'm thinking
of something like I'm scared to drink. Yeah, scared to drink. Okay. So,
so we need to know that you're on board. And
(34:20):
when you're whispering things like I hate this job or
I hate my job, it doesn't look good. It sounds
like an e v P and electronic voice phenomena that
we're trying to find on lower registers than people can
actually hear. So you're not mad that I'm annoyed with
my job. You're mad that I whispering. Yes, we need
to clear those channels for actual undead sounds. What did
(34:42):
you hear the ghosts that was there? Ordering you were whispering?
You're right, you're right watching this tape, I'm nowhere on it,
but I remember having the conversation with the boten Yeah. Look,
this is just more evidence that you are dead. You know,
(35:02):
I'm just having these recurring meetings by the way, Yeah, yeah, yeah, no,
it's it's helpful. Look, I'm gonna I'm gonna say something,
and I don't tell everybody this, but I like you.
There's only one way to become undead. Yes, yes, please
please tell me. You got a book, a show, book show.
(35:28):
If somebody wants to hire you, you will become alive again. Well,
this is the weird sudden death episode. We've ever seven
death auditions we've had, James, and you're great, but I
think we're gonna go with this gentleman right here. Something
about his voice and his presence, if I may use
that word, you might you might not be able to
(35:49):
see him, James, but he is amazing. He's standing right
next to you. I'm with Trader Joe's talent. You don't
have to tell us right now, war all right, James,
So if you can see yourself out out of here, yeah,
I just hook the car up. Let's tow it out here. Hey, buddies, wait,
(36:09):
that's my car. Yeah, anymore, buddies, it's mine now, virgin
hook it belongs to somebody killed that actor. Welcome to
Ghostree Sources. Without your your name, I gotta James ceeney, James, Okay,
(36:34):
this is my client. This is my client. Yeah, this
is my client. I've been waiting for him. Okay, just
so this way we go over this number one. You're
both the number two eachmor you're gonna go to orientation
because we can ask questions. They have donuts that have wine.
It's all a good time and wine. What what kind
of mixtures donuts and wine? This sounds disgusting, Well it's fine.
It's ghost weirl, so just enjoy it. And third thing
(36:55):
is I'm gonna enjoy that does just do not go
through humans, that is without their permission. You cannot we
cannot do that anymore. Okay, Okay, let me tell you
somewhere now, my client, James, And right, now, it's one
of the most best ghosts I've ever seen my life. Okay,
and you're gonna let him do what he needs to
do to become even better than he is. You're both that.
I have a good day, all right, James. I thought
(37:19):
that did not go well. He did not go well.
I'm gonna step out. Okay, I want to me anymore
in the afterlife. I'm gonna come on. This is every
time you hit a roadblock, every time an audition blows
up because of what you did. I get the flak
for it. Okay, it's bullshit. I got some you know
(37:41):
who I got. You know, I got on the hook.
I got Leonard of the the Cameo. I can work
with him. Okay, what's already established. I thought you wanted
to take somebody and bring him up and make them big. James,
where do you How do you think Van Dillan got
all those fast in the Furious movies? I don't know,
I don't know, I don't know. Not in trouble accepting
(38:02):
your new reality. Hold on this, guys, guy's got a presence. Yeah,
how did you die? Well? I was trying to talk
the tow truck drivers and to drop in my car
and another one just slammed into me. That's got my
(38:23):
job that I was trying to book. Yes, yes, I
booked a spot. Are you wrapped? I'm with Trader Joe's
Talent t J T. You Gotta Be Seen. Three comes
to us from Patron v I P. Baker Road. First off,
(38:46):
congrats to Craig for the first ever recorded impersonation of
Mark Merritt. I'm pretty great. Good to know. My scene
suggestion is fireworks. Thank you, Beaker. If I could see
you for just a moment, please, I'm very sorry to interrupt,
(39:08):
but I believe I have a discovery with your attention.
Of course, take on the marketplace as soon as possible
for someone else. You SUPs our efforts totally. Yeah. So anyway,
you got the you got the fire cats right here,
and all the sprinklers are on the side on the
wall right there. So just I'll be right back with you, ok,
Mr Boss. What's going on? Yes, if you can across
(39:32):
a discovery that I believe will be with all of
your time and energy and perhaps something you may want
to invest in. Totally. Now this this this used to
be a pawn shop. Again, we sell fireworks, right right,
So I'm happy to take a look at what you got.
Let's see if we can't move something. But you know,
in general, I can't. I can't give out loans anymore.
It is a film of firework that I believe you'll
(39:52):
want to invest in. Okay, right then, yeah, I'll definitely
take a look at what you got. Do you remember
those the little fireworks called snakes yo? Yeah, the little
black caps. You would send a fire and they would
crawl across the sidewalk. Yep, Okay, they got recalled because
kids were reading them. I thought they would get super
cold once you let it, which I don't understand. They
(40:14):
burn their mouths. Well, kids are stupid that we can't
agree on. So my firework is called a gator, and
the gator, once you liked it, crawls across the sidewalk
and eats Holy ship. Is that a real gator in
that cage? No? No, that's a firework. Okay, Well that
looks like a moving gator. It looks like a live
(40:34):
gator in that cage. Isn't it impressive? Okay? What is this?
What are you doing? You don't have a live gator
in a fireworks store? That's me just let it out
of its cage and you mr, Mr, just why don't
just leave it in there? All right? Well, we just
leaving there. I trust that this is a firework. Well,
if you want a demo it, let's go outside the
demo it. Huh okay, very well, should we go out back?
(40:56):
Let's go back right, very just so, I'm gonna be
back in a second. Just keep you could just take
a look at anything on the side there. I'm done, though,
I don't just keep looking at that. Just keep on.
You'll be right backs. Look some money on the counter
here you are. So I'm going to let the firework
(41:17):
out of the cage and you're going to see it.
Eight children. It's the greatest thing ever. Okay, hold on
a second. It's gonna eat children, Yes, all right. I
don't know if I want that as a firework. I
don't know if that's gonna be a hot understand. I
understand your Could it be candy here? I'm here for
the candy. That's side little boys right this way? Did
you learn these kids are kid? Now stand over here,
(41:42):
look straight up into the sky until you see the lights.
Keep looking up, children, mr, And now I released the firework.
You watch the live that's a live here, right o. Good?
Oh well, like I gotta hand it to your peal.
(42:08):
Most you know, fireworks fatality as we see here when
people buy the fireworks, take them out of the shop
and misuse them at home. Uh. This is the first
time that somebody's actually uh killed somebody at their own
fireworks store. Well I didn't kill anybody. I didn't do that.
Uh yeah, yeah, you keep talking about this mysterious Mr
bos figure who we have no record. If you look
(42:33):
at the video the surveillance keep in my shop, you'll
see me talking to another person. There's the kids that
you killed, and then you. That's all gonna see. I
don't just check out, please, I've been here now for
four hours. Just look at the rack. Okay, look, we're
gonna keep you open for today while we conduct an investigation.
(42:55):
But right, what does your burtner say? I said, the
video footage is pretty damning. You see him too, Yeah, no,
I you see me, of course he sees me. I'm
a human being. My partner, My partner was killed two
years ago due to my own negligence. Okay, and he
(43:17):
haunts me. He haunts me every day. But he's still
a damn good cop. Okay, wait a second, Yes, I
smell another ghost was here? Wait you think it's a ghost.
He has a superpower to smell other ghosts, ghosts and
(43:38):
smell photo, says him. I smell photo, says him, all
over the place here the photo says him. Oh, hi, officer, um,
is this about my son? He loves candy and he
was out playing. He hasn't been home yet, is there.
This is the hardest part of the job. I mean,
the hardest part of the job would be like tackling
(43:59):
drug drug addicts. No, that's that's easy. There, that's easy. Yeah,
they're they're fucked up. They don't have a lot of
strength to fight back. That makes sense, you mean literally
tackling them or yeah, we just feel like they're so
a erratic, you know what I mean. Very easy. Trust
you might get poked by a needle, but that's scared.
(44:19):
So yeah, it's the worst case scenario where we're can
I hold your gun? Is that a thing? Well, you
can hold it for a second. Should have given her
my ghost gun? Honestly, table for two Yes, thank you. Oh,
I wasn't talking to you, so we've been waiting here,
(44:41):
and what you gonna sit down in the fourer doesn't
mean you're waiting. I don't know what the hell you're
doing On the sheet, the sheet said something part of
you too, Yeah, exactly. You think I'm gonna seat you
and stop using her WiFi? His name is Urine, asshole. No,
(45:02):
he just comes in all time. This is my table, dritty,
Oh you're an asshole? Is here? Oh? Oh uh? It is? Actually?
Would you mind sitting at the bar? Sir? The buts?
What do I hate my job? Yeah? It's so weird,
(45:24):
like like fate artists together, like you knocking so too.
You forgot why you were there, and then I was like, oh,
I'm why you're here. We have to follow this instant connection. Yeah,
you gotta get the help in your poppers here, they're fantastic. Okay,
say no more, follow me, all right, sure, thank you.
So what's this rope with the swim across this rope? Yeah,
(45:46):
it's it's a whole theme restaurant, you know. Oh wow, Okay,
oh jeez, I've lost my shoe. Follow me. So I
was thinking, now I know I'm thinking too fast, but
I want you to meet my son. Oh I remembered.
I just remember, are you not into kids? You're not? No, no, no, no,
(46:08):
you just remember you're into people, but totally into people,
but not into kids. Yeah, let's pick up the base.
Look after the chuck can these guys just went to circle.
They just went in big circle. You see that? Follow me?
Why don't we just put the kids up away? And
how much is you in meeting it? You know what
(46:28):
I mean? Try to lose me, Try to lose me. Okay,
just now, okay, okay, I'll go look you go right,
all right? Huh uh. Just there's my table ready? Now, yeah,
I follow me. I will take a seat at the bar.
(46:52):
Oh you gonna take a spe see at the bar.
You just spit on the floor when I said that earlier.
It's so angry. I don't you know what I haven't
you know? I have an m B A in and
you have a National Basketball Association? Yes, I have an NBA.
Do you understand that I do? And I'm here my customers,
(47:13):
please welcome to We're gonna get I'll have you stake
with the potatoes. How would you get stake prepared? Bloody
bloody man after my own heart? And what would you
like to drink uh arresting him. Of course, Where are
you from? If you don't, mommy, I'm marketing man from
(47:34):
Russia to Bruce. Did you hear that? Are you ship? Goddamn?
Somebody shut You're an asshole. I'm off duty. I'm off duty, right, yeah, no,
they're good at Somebody take care of it. Hey, guys,
(47:55):
I'm so I'm taking over for Debora, all right, I'll
be the new services like her. Yeah, we all do.
But I'm actually I guess someone shadowing me right now?
This is Clayton. How to Clayton? I don't see anybody there.
We don't see anybody. I see Clayton, Clayton's part it's
it's he's a ghost. Who who are you talking to?
(48:15):
I'm sorry, I'm talking to my my dead partner. Ted. Yeah,
there there is somebody shadowing her, and it's it's it's
a ghost. It's a ghost server. Okay, listen, if you
don't like me, you can just say that. No, no,
I like you? Should I come back? No? No? Stay here,
you stay here, stay you stay here? Okay. Two questions,
(48:37):
One do you think he likes me? And to what's
the saddus on that Russian that was shot earlier. Okay,
number one. Do I think he likes you? Uh? Yeah,
I really think he does. You know, I appreciate. I
can definitely tell this is a new egg, still pretty raw,
you know, the shell hasn't hardened around, and there's definitely
some cold yolk in the center, if you catch my
(48:58):
if they want anything to drink, Clayton wants to know
if you want something to drink? Who's cleanting again? He's
shadowing me right now? He saw forever. Okay, okay, fine, fine,
you could a coffee? You want the coffee? Coffee for
(49:19):
my partner here. I heard that clearly. He heard it.
You said you don't drink, and hears you. I. I
don't drink coffee, but Ted doesn't either, but he likes
just having it nearby. Okay, you know what, oh ship,
my son, my son? Do you know what crocodiles are?
I have to go now, I have to go. So
(49:41):
wait a minute, you're telling me you're on a day
with this guy and he was talking to his dead partner. Yeah,
And I was like, just just say you're not interested.
You know, why make up the story? I don't know.
So then I was I'm a way to pick up
Bob Bobby myself. And then I was I'm sorry, can
I just take this chair if you're not using it?
Go ahead? Jesus, why don't you even ask alone? So
(50:05):
I figured I could just take a chair, Yeah, take
the chair. Go okay, man, you haven't answered me if
you can I take the chair. I'm sorry, Um, it's
just been a long night. Tell them you can take
the chair. Yes, you can have the chair. It's you're right.
You look like you say it. I look like what
(50:27):
you look at? Your fucking freak ask by you really
be talking to the customers that way? Yeah, Cleyton, Okay,
we roll how any way we want. That's exactly my
attitude when I was sent over to the other side.
That sucks? Did sucks? Okay, James, I'll tell you what.
(50:58):
Why don't we try the scene again? End? At this time,
you're not sure what a ghost is, Okay, So when
you come into the room, sure everybody's talking about the
dead and who's dead and who's not. You don't know
what they're talking about. Let me see what Dad looks like. Okay,
all right, we're gonna pick it up on page two,
(51:18):
page two, Page two, The second page. Jim, give me
a second. Excuse me, what's going on here? This is
an ice you. Yeah, I'm just cru in here. I
need to take care of my patient and we'll be
out of your hair as quickly as possible. In fact,
(51:39):
this interaction isn't helping James action. Did somebody say camera, Hey,
I'm the doctor here. I will say I am SAG
eligible if that means anything to anybody here who represents
you currently unrepped new faces right here? Yeah, Montreal went
there last year. Oh my goodness, don't move, don't please
(52:01):
stay right where you are. James, ready, I'm going. I
thought I thought we were already started. God, God, back
to one everyone. Hey, uh, what's up with the legs?
Were you wearing? George? And they're much smooth and shine?
Who are you talking to? What's up? Who are you
(52:24):
talking to? I'm talking to my self, okay. It's called
self love. And occasionally my inner voice tells me I
have unreasonably skinny and shiny legs, okay, and that's why
I wear these. George, by the way, because I'm not
gonna run away from the fear. Uh. Mr Heeney or
(52:47):
your your son is here to see you, by the way,
but he uh, he said, you also smacked him earlier.
So excuse are you you hit your son because you're
a method actor? Well, no, no, I was. I was
in a headspace where I was going to be Okay, Dad,
(53:15):
did you get the fireworks? You were gone all day? Uh,
here's a funny story, all right. I don't like your stories,
and they're never funny. Fine when in my room, no
talk to me like that. No one talks to me
like that. And you should do something about it. Man,
you guys leave me alone, all right. I know what
you here. Something about it, man, sit out a couple
(53:39):
of hands and go deal with your son for fox
Psyche That chips aren't going just vote, get a vote again?
Does anybody like my son? Hands up? Hands up, God,
guse them for kindling. Let's go all right, Phil give
me your knife, not the blade side? Got it? Got it?
(54:05):
Got a right? All right? Go away? Nope, I'm coming in, Dad. Yeah,
I said I needed privacy. Who's this guy dried up
in your whole? I gotta kill him too now. But
(54:30):
there's a guy in the closet to uh so much blood?
Who's the of the bed. Is this Teddy barre Line.
No good, oh good, Well, it looks like we've been
(54:50):
called in for another slate of ghost crimes. Ted I
am pretty sure this one was done by a human. Really.
I mean, I'm not a sure, but I don't The photos,
the photoplasms all pretty fresh, as if these ghosts around
us are new ghosts, not ghosts the committed to crime.
(55:12):
But that's just my look. You throw around those technical terms.
It goes right over my head, buddy, But you know,
I know as a ghost, you know, I I trust your, trust,
your instincts on these That coffee is going right through you,
cop Phone Copp. Hey, I don't know if you remember me,
(55:36):
but we would Marcia, Hi, Yes, Hi. I don't mean
to be interrupting you. Just my son hasn't come home.
And it was a reminder that all the men in
my life I tend to push away, and you're one
of those men. And I wanted to say I'm sorry,
(55:57):
and I wanted to see if maybe we could go
out again. I was trying to explain about crocodiles the
last time I saw you. Are you moving out of
that spot because you've been sitting We're police, Okay, we'll still. Okay,
they're about to tell anyway, I'll go around. Yeah, crocodile tears,
(56:22):
I get it. I know you're crocodiles. They're like snakes,
but bigger. Yeah, yeah, I know. I know your kids.
Oh loves candy, loves candy. It's probably why he's not home.
I don't have noticed how I used the past tense
I did. I thought maybe that was your mistake. It's
(56:43):
not my mistakes. I'm gonna get making a mistake in
the president. Give me a call. Help me out here,
an she doesn't even see me. All right, I'll touch
you later. Okay, Bye. I went around the block and
you're still here. Okay, we're pulling out. We're pulling out
(57:04):
right now. All right, who's we dare? Did he say who? We?
Was a man in the car by himself. Oh that's right,
that's weird, right, he was just by himself. You should
we'll take the spot already. Will you should tell that guy?
You should see what's going on in this car. Tommy,
you know I let your father pack the dawn car. Yeah,
(57:25):
we're gonna go after him. Show what the hell are
you doing? Careful, careful, there's a there's a ghost in
his back ship. Man in the car, we're that kid
(57:49):
is dead for sure. Oh fuck, I think I think
I know what you have. You you can hear ghosts, well,
I can hear my partner. Yeah, I can hear my
whole family. They're in my car. Oh wow, wow, you
killed your family. Uh, this is the guy, This is
(58:12):
the this is the guy said, yeah, he's the killer.
He got everybody in his house. I think some of
them weren't even family. Did you just tell a cop
you killed your family? No? I thought I kept it
pretty vague. Tommy, you didn't. You're very clear and direct.
Did I say the words I killed my family? No?
He asked. You said, yes, Hey, that guy just admitted
(58:34):
to killing his family over there him. Good for him.
You guys are on the curb right third, Why are
you yelling? Who are you yelling at? Let me just listen, officer.
I think this is a weird predicament, all right, and
I shan't let it happen again. Shan't. So I'm gonna
put huh. I'm forty nine, Okay, all right, I'm gonna
(59:00):
to walkle. That's cool. My age has proved to you
that I'm good to go. I'm stepping back. I'm gonna
get into my crumpled car and I'm gonna drive away fringing. Yeah,
he's not going anywhere. That car is broken. Alright, Ted,
(59:20):
you step in and arrest the ghosts, I'll arrest the guy.
I mean, the ghosts were just murdered. I don't think
they're arresting. That's ours show. Oh let's thank Dr James
Heeney first and Farmost. Thank you so much for being here. James,
where can folks find you should they want to? You know,
(59:42):
I would really like them to tune in to twitch
dot tv slash bs comedy. We've been doing a lot
of fun stuff on Wednesday nights. It usually starts about
eight pm Pacific Standard time. I love that. Thanks and
Chris Alberando, thanks so much for being here, buddy boy,
thanks for having me. I love you guys at christ
(01:00:02):
Alvarado Instagram, Chris Dashardo dot com. For a website, yep,
that's raw. You find a website. That's right. See you
on the surf. Hey, everybody, thanks thanks for having me.
I appreciate it. You can find me at a tool time.
I'm wearing the shirt. I just if you're on the Patreon,
(01:00:24):
watching this, says museum prov and it just reminds me
of the times when I could do that, and that
was a show that they did. They'll help you evaluate
and look at art in a different way using it.
Mm hmm. Wow. And where can they find that now?
I think it's museum prov dot com. But look, yeah,
that's it. Thank you, Thank you for half hasting that plot.
(01:00:46):
Appreciate that very much. Yeah, about New Year's Eve plans earlier,
I'm actually doing to two shows on New Year's Eve
with the cast of The Thrilling Adventure Our Exciting Me,
Paul Tompkins, Mark Kevin Jackson, Busy Phillips, bunches of other folks.
We're just gonna play trivia and hang out and drink
and count down the new year. Go to house Seats
(01:01:08):
dot live for more information about that and other live
streaming shows. And what is that side again again? Dot
house Seats dot live and look up the beautiful All right,
Joey Gerstein, you know it, I'm back on the Graham
(01:01:29):
at God bless chim Chum. Thanks for happening. And is
it you? Is it you on on that handle or
is it that's do with alchemy? This, it's you, and
you and your thoughts and your photos and what this is.
Everything on there's me has nothing to do with the
production company or and what brought your sponsors. Honestly, yes, honestly, awesome,
(01:01:51):
my mom. Okay, now I'm honestly it was a neighborhood collision,
not a coal collision. Collision. Collisions are my favorite. M
Let's thank our engineering producer with the Stars, Mr Doug Bate.
Find books that I heart media. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock.
(01:02:15):
Thanking each and every damn one of you. Be kind
to each other. Let's stay healthy, damnit and yeah, be
kind to each other. Circle back to that it couldn't hurt.
Keep writing to us, your name here, talking with this
dot com and love to hear from you. I love
to read your emails and thanks for all the support
on the Patreon. Until next time, A football for Pepper
Hey, welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID
nineteen edition. I'm your host, Kevin Moll. I guess that
Kevin was that well the time the tooth on side school.
But I digress. Let's meet open the order. Please send
good morning to Chris Alvarado. Chris not the old g Kringle.
Any thoughts on how how you'll ring in the new year? Um, no,
(00:25):
no thoughts. Thank you, excellent, appreciate it. Good to see you. Hey,
it's James Heeney James and Giant heen what's the latest
you were able to stay up as a middle schooler?
As a middle schooler, the funk that I just said,
I'm sorry, that's such a jarring question. I guess I
didn't really have a bed time that I had to
(00:46):
go to bed at. I had to probably be in
my room after ten o'clock. I don't think anybody ever
made me go to bed. No, one never made you
go to bed. So you were up as lady as
you wanted to on a regular basis. Yeah, but it's
I recall I would go to bed at like you know,
when I got tired on ten o'clock at night. I
just what I was looking for. Was there ever an
effort maybe we were together with a cousin or something.
(01:06):
I remember some effort to stay up for sure tonight
we're gonna stay right? You got anybody? Oh yeah, if
I made an effort, I could. James, when did you
start drinking coffee? I started drinking coffee when I was
probably no. Twelve twelve. When we would go on vacation,
my parents would let me have coffee as like like, oh,
(01:28):
we're going on vacation, you can have coffee. And I
would just pound cups of coffee, you know, because you
want to take advantage of the day. So they let
you drink coffee in the morning so you had the
energy to really get started. And you're saying that was
at eighteen, No, No, that was when I was like,
you know, a kid, a child. Then that would have
(01:50):
been the answer to Joe's question. Look out, it's Greg Kakowski. Kakoo.
What authored inspired your days in a media? Academia? The
most Achamedia? Acamedia. I could start something called Acamedia, Yeah,
(02:10):
because it's a it's a combination of academia and comedy. Yeah,
that's pretty much what my college life was like. I
pretended to read just about every book they threw at me.
There were a few that I read and wrote the
paper literally the night before. I think I read Faulkner's
Light in August In It's about a five out page book.
(02:31):
I think I read it. I wrote the paper in
a twenty hour period while remaining up the entire time.
And uh, that's more than enough Faulkner for me? And uh,
I'm I'm retired. And was it more than enough coffee
for you? Also, let's get back to that question, how
will you have? Never have drank it? Never will that?
Don't touch this stuff. Oh I enjoyed tea, sure, don't
(02:55):
get me started one don't. In those days, it was jolt,
That's what That's what we were drinking. Was Joel all
the sugar and twice the caffeine. He just changed James life. No,
I had Joke Cola in high school. I loved joke.
(03:17):
Do you ever have a surge? Not until I was older?
But yeah, I feel like James is watching another TV
show while doing this. Hey there's a tool sing hi
Captain Lee's boy thoughts in the latest episode below Deck,
Uh going good for me? I think maybe there's people
I definitely see online having a little bit of hate
(03:38):
for this. I'm I'm having a good time. I'm enjoying it. Uh.
I like it when the guests are kind of the
issue to deal with and and they're the problem. So
I'm having a good time. Sorry, less drama down below,
wouldn't you say, Chris, that's true, there's less drama down
below this. You know what, just ask he's so crushed,
he's had it with this nonsense that I love the betrayal.
(04:02):
The betrayal is crystal fucking clear. This is the last,
no more chorthole. If you think him late, it's Joey
greer um bottom because he's got him. Explained why Tom
Selleck isn't didn't I read this last week? That feels
old to me. Maybe I wrote it last week. Explain
to me why Tom Selleck is insisting I fall for
a reverse mortgage? Yeah? That was how fucking weird. I'm
(04:26):
not gonna answer that again. Possibly you you thought of
the same question a second time to ask him. Nope,
I wish it were. Let's do a damn show. All
of our scene suggestions gather from your listener emails or
from our patron v I p s to come to
Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content and
other purpose. Just head on over to patreon dot com
slash alchemy. If you like to set a scene suggestion
(04:49):
by an old timey email, I love to read him
and gather them for this outing. Please write to the
podcast at your name here and I'll give me this
dot com. That's your name here. That's perfect. Seen one
comes from patron v I P Jana than he gave
me a lot of ship, or they gave me a
(05:10):
lot of ship last time I mispronounced their name as Jonathan.
It is Janathan who wrote, Hey, Kay Paco, do you
guys uh nope. Do you think you guys could do
a scene where the Geico Geck turns out to be
a Russian spot Russian? I don't think we can. That's
(05:34):
an American icon, even though he has a British accent. Hey,
thanks for coming in. So we're gonna voice Um. I
don't know if he got the sides. We're gonna voice
the Gecko today. We're gonna try a little something different. Yeah, totally.
I was thinking that maybe you know, I was gonna
do something a little different. Maybe, Uh, you know, um,
I was thinking maybe, um, maybe, I don't know if
it's gonna be on camera work, but I can totally
do on camera work as well. I'm totally I'm keeping
(05:56):
I'm totally happy to do any kind of whatever the whatever.
The studios asked, well, I can do. I mean it
doesn't I mean, I you tell me, you tell me
what we're doing, I'm gonna do it. That's pretty much.
I mean, I'm ready to do it. Jimmy, can we
can we can just me all all the Jimmy. Can
I do that again? Jimmy, do you mind if I
do that again? I could do better if I do.
(06:17):
How many Joelts have you had today? Joelts? You told
me not to drink anymore? I didn't you know? You
told me not to have anymore. I so, you know whatever,
I drink whatever what I had left so I would.
The stash is done no more. I'm gonna give you
one shot at this, buddy. Pick any accent, stick with it,
read the copy, ready, start when you're ready? Okay, uh
(06:41):
m hmm. Do you like cornsurance? No, Jimmy, I'm Jimmy.
I'm dropping you as an agent ash Yeah, okay I'm
a good agent, roles for yourself. You don't get it, Carl.
(07:08):
I'm afraid the agency is no longer need your services.
You lost one of our favorite clients, and we see
no other course of action other than to let you go.
So until you maybe resigned, Jimmy, Um, you know, I
guess pack up. You shouldn't be out by know, Carl,
(07:28):
what do you mean you're no longer an agent? You
were trying to get work as an actor from another
actor as an agent as well. I was, yeah, as
an agent, and then I had an agent who's helping
me out. I don't this doesn't even make sense. Um,
I think I don't think you've phoned it. I think
it makes sense. I'm sure I think you're not understanding it.
Great get around, actors welcome. This is what is preferred
(07:50):
to as a cattle call. So a lot of you talented.
I'm sure I'm gonna i'm your session run. I'm gonna
be very quick with the explana. Okay, my client, my client,
they want they want this to be clean, they want
this to be a fun experience. Let me, this is
a session here, session wruter. So here's what we're looking for.
(08:10):
I'm an Asian. Okay, my clients they need they need
to have fun, they need to be late, didn't they Look,
we know who you are, by the way, Okay, we
know you man. We don't like you. The industry doesn't
like you calling the name calling the as I was saying.
So we're gonna be asking you to uh memorize something
other than line. Okay, other than line. So that means um,
(08:35):
for me, have an agent. That's why I'm here here,
guys here with me. He said, what did you say?
They don't go with you to that? What did you say?
So that is it? So we will start. Um, we're
gonna go. We're gonna be going you sir, Yes, you're
right there. Yeah, come on in, come on in behind you.
(08:56):
Terrific Okay, no question. Oh good man, thanks thanks for
bringing me in this office. Loves you, loves you. I
mean that that explanation was pretty It was good, right,
it was good because you know what I hate section
runners who like bring their own ships to the explanation.
Just get to the audition. So the client is a look, okay,
(09:20):
so um, yes, to go ahead and pick up that suit,
that briefcase. Part of me the briefcase. It'll be a suitcase.
But just in the audition, it's a briefcase, you know
what I mean. And then, um, give me one second. Hi, Um,
so you want him to just pace up and up
and down? Is that right? And he and he looks
the camera. I want them to the nones America. Okay. Um,
(09:42):
we didn't get any copy before sold. Just think I
will give you such classify these. You could use euphemisms,
that's right, okay, okay, okay. So, um again, it's a client,
international client. I'm willing to shave it, by the way, great, great, okay, Yeah,
we'll do a slate. Um, So basically, you're gonna denounce America.
(10:02):
Have fun with it. Huh, have fun with it, make
it my own, make it your own. Very good. Okay, great,
So we're gonna slate you. Hi, what's your name? Well?
Oh wow, uh Craig you are you will in the shape? Yes? Okay,
terrific and uh and tell us something about yourself. Um,
(10:26):
just get to the audition, okay, okay, okay. So, so
you're gonna start on that's that side of the room
and go ahead and just walk across this way. Okay,
And oh man, American? Am I right? Oh? What's what's
going on? What's the deal? I mean it's uh. I mean,
(10:49):
do you think a country it's been around for two years?
You know, we get get it. What's up going on
with this electoral college? Uh? There's so much missing information
out there? Great cut, cut, it's given me one sec.
Are you repped? Huh? Are you repped? Are you? Are
(11:12):
you too wrapped? Are you too wrapped? I just heard
your idea. I mean who you repp by? What's your agent? Well,
I'm commercially rep. I am who's your agiatrical representation? T
g f D. Those fucking guys are sick as hell? No, no,
t g m D. It's just sorry, guys, you can
all head home. I booked it. I know. I know
(11:35):
that's the joke that everyone makes when they walk out
of the room, but I actually they offered it to you.
You're in the room for a minute. What the funk?
I know? I know? Did you have an agent? Hey? Everybody,
I told you already I have an agent. I just
want to say thank you so much for coming out today.
We Uh, the client decided to go a different direction.
(11:56):
Well we have everyone go anyway, just because maybe he
didn't see everybody. That's the agent guy didn't see everybody.
That guy's got a point for the first time. He
didn't see me I have. There are a lot of
rooms here. You can write one for yourself and run
your own auditions for all I care. All right, the
great day, everybody. This is bullshit. I say, we wait
(12:16):
till the client comes out, and we just start auditioning
for him right now. So, hey, I thought I thought
he did a good job. It's really nice to work
with you. By the way, we're kind of excited. We
don't really know much about your project. We just know
it's Internet. Yeah, that's funny. You keep saying that all
every time ever since you've been here. Excuse me, guys,
(12:37):
I was in I was outside there waiting. I I'd
like to do an audition really quick. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I mean, we just it's up to you. We just
coming into Hi. I'm Joy Greer. This guy talent I guestuff.
(13:01):
But I hear more from career. Are you willing to
shave your bulls already shaved? Well? I know that. I
just I've worked with these actus before. I do that.
James Heeney. Yeah, he's done a lot of non union spots,
but he's recently union and that's kind of exciting. Listen
that we're definitely not going to pay for that union fee.
(13:22):
But I do need someone to take the hit, if
you know what I mean. I can't explain if it's
not clear. Jewey Greer has no real commercial success, so
he might be the one that you might want to
I mean, honestly, there's a lot, there's a weird energy
from him. I'm gonna be on this doing is he
(13:43):
like I have questions for Greer? Is it alretty? Okay?
Will you drink your own? Come? Already? Did this morning
when I shot my ball? The hell? Greig? Great? But um,
first of all, great audition, man, Oh thanks thanks? Um.
(14:06):
Fucking things things kind of change when you when you
when you left. Really yeah, James Heeney and Joy Greer
just they didn't want to accept that You've got the role.
And they went in into the office and um, looks like,
now we're gonna do it. We're gonna do a sudden
death call back. Oh, a sudden death callback. Yeah, that's
(14:28):
a common thing that happens in commercials. Well, you know
you work more than I do. That's sure, Yeah, I do.
I mean I feel like you've already You've done it twice,
you know what I mean, Like two things in the
last couple of months, Like yeah, I mean just the
fact that I have to audition for commercials. It's still yeah,
but but like but you know, but you book them,
and it's like it makes me think about, like, you know,
(14:49):
what am I doing wrong? And like what's my thing?
But ringing Christmas? Phone, Springing Christmas. Hello, all right, Chris,
This is Marty over here at all all the actors party, Chris.
I'm so sorry about this, but we're gonna have to
we'ren have to drop you in the worst Wait wait wait,
(15:12):
wait wait wait wait party party. I told you to
take all your clothes in your carry Chris. Are you
with all the actors the the grocery store slash agency?
I was I hello, Marty, Um, I told you I'm
(15:33):
in the room now, you know spring bring ring Chris
is phone Chris. That's right, right, right, It's a different
ring for different people. Yes, Hi, this is Steve Thompson
over Vahn's acting And I was just wondering if Um
you had representation you were happy with. No, I'm not.
(15:54):
I'm not happy with the representation. This could be the
phone call, like you know they talked about the phone call. Yeah,
that Vons actors. Is this my old speaker? Can you
hear this? I can hear yeah. Man, are you gonna
move your car? Are you just sitting in your car
talking to your phone? You gotta come back to you you.
(16:15):
They start telling at four o'clock and two South Lebrea.
It looks like you're leaving. So yeah, but good luck.
They're going to tell you here's something all right? There
is this a bad time? No, this is a great time.
This is a great time. This is a great time.
He's a great times. That diversity, James, how was your
(16:37):
how's your audition? Don't fucking talk to me about it.
I gotta go back for sudden death, Okay, getting into
getting mad at me? I made you. I'm not mad
at you. Fucking don't ask about it. Did daddy have
too much coffee? Did daddy have too much coffee? Coffee?
Just like I said, he always changed coffee. And it
(17:01):
says why okay, this this is I am in a
different headspace right now. Okay, I've got to go. Hey,
you you start drinking booze again. Please? Hey, um, I
know you guys are the clients and I'm the session
runner here, but I just want to tell you something new.
It's new information. I am now newly wrepped, and I
(17:24):
wonder if maybe I can put myself on tape before
the three guys come in for the sudden death. I
could show you my range. I saw what you want.
I can give you what you need. What do you
will you shape your back? I don't. I don't have
I don't have any back air pretty hairless. Give me
a moment, please, So nikolay, what is just a second?
(17:45):
What is it? Once you found out that the shading
thing was a standard question, you don't ask him for
every body? What is this? We don't care. I'm curious.
I don't just think it's enough to just shape fits.
Obviously you do. But you walk into the bedroom with
the theator, watch them shave, and I've seen you collect
(18:05):
the hair. What is that that? I'm that curious man.
There's just some problem for you A little bit, A
little bit. So it's almost four o'clock and you know
that that's when towing starts happening. But the three actors
are here, James Heney, Craig Atkowski, Joey career and if
you want it, and I'm here if you needed that, yeah, sure,
(18:26):
I'm sure we'll see you, I guess. Okay, so if
there is time, okay, cool. So same exclamation for the guys.
Anything new, but you want to see this time? Same Yeah,
I'm nervous. I'm nervous. But let's see what they bring this. Okay,
give me a one second. Put the guys over away,
(18:46):
put the um. I want to shop. So a couple
of things, Joey, James Craig. So they want you to
just like, you know, have fun. But they said forma
for me. Okay, just in bathroom, Just in the bathroom.
I heard already. You're ready to go again, actor guy,
(19:09):
all my clans are here. Let's do it. He's an
Asian actor, no agent, he's an agent actor. Okay, because okay,
in a different direction. That's yeah, me too. I got nervous.
I got nervous, all right, listen, So here's the thing, guys.
Only note is pick up the pace a little bit.
Pick up the pace. This is to the death right.
Did I miss today? I misunderstood this? I thought this
(19:31):
was to the death death Wait, I see these are
fucking commercials. Man. I don't even want to be here. Yeah.
I feel like he doesn't even want to be None
of us want to be here. But it's fun if
you are here to get one, you know what I mean?
So like for him, the experience is a little better
than for most of us. Were like, we go, but
we don't get him. Do you know what I mean?
For him? I don't want to be here. Okay, okay, okay,
(19:54):
um okay. So we're starting here with James heeney uh, James,
We're gonna get you a quick slate, real quick ahead.
I thought those other guys were going to come in
here and kind of okay, so that's your name now,
all right, and you know what you do and action.
Oh I was I was gonna stay. So think the
nuts of the clients. What do you guys think of him?
(20:14):
What the perfect is perfect for us? What are you doing?
What do you do? Say? This doesn't to meet me
around back? Fine, you can shave him, Oh you won't. Look,
this is the person that we're going to have the
hit them. You know what they mean? Did you see? Yes? Yes, yes,
that must I should have a name. Did you with
(20:37):
the hair? Do you want the other actors to come
in one that has seen one? You will not take
that any further. I bet Greg with about that. He
did it was his? No, he booked, Oh yeah, it
was his. Two counts from Larry, who wrote, hello, thanks
(20:58):
so much for reading my email on air, well not
really on their I super appreciate it and loved the
Black Jello episode. Anybody what happened? I don't know? Great,
I feel like, oh I remember, I remember it? What happened?
(21:21):
No clue? No, I feel like a real Hollywood type,
just like you, Mr Pollock. In all seriousness, I did
love the episode. I love you guys and a big
fan of the marvelous mrs. Look forward to the next season,
which I hope isn't too far away given the current circumstances. Um,
I feel it's gonna drop in. I feel pretty confident
about that. My scene suggested recurrent training for ghosts. Much love,
(21:47):
Larry Stewart. All right, just take a few questions before
we head on into the house. What's the difference between
what you're name and recurrent? What's your name? Uh? Groblin groin? Okay?
Is that groblin with a p. No, all right, what's
(22:11):
the question. What's the difference between recurring and recurrent? Has
anyone else kinna saw it as a rock? That's a
great question. Last time you were here, your questions kind
of kind of sucked. Yeah, I remember you saying that, yep,
and so you took the criticism tremendously. I feel as
you've uped your game. Stop talking to me. I don't
(22:32):
thank you, and I'm I'm just glad you're here, and
I'm going to ask you to stop. I don't know
what he's saying. Uh, search a little more inside, because
I think you know the answer to your question. Everyone
else in the room does. No. I don't know. That's
why I asked, are there any other question? What's wrong? What?
(22:54):
What did he say? What he's saying? I don't know
he'd answering question, because what the are you doing? You bother?
I don't know, man, I'm a Christian can ask a question. Yeah, yes,
right over there by the donuts. Yeah, thanks, Uh good
donuts by the way. Uh huh. I keep blowing out
(23:16):
the candle at the house I'm hunting, and h the
tenant who is my brother in law? He keeps saying
it was the wind, so at no point is he
thinking it's anything else. So every time I blow it out,
he's like, oh, that's the wind again, and so how
can I get better at great question? Great question? Again?
(23:36):
I think these are tremendous questions, and everyone's done their homework.
Excuse me, I have a question right there in the
middle by the wine, yes, so guy, by the donuts,
I'm gonna say, light the candle. Try lighting and unlit candle. Yes, sir,
I think there's been a mistake. I'm I'm alive. You
(23:57):
are alive and choose to talk like that, talk like
what there we go. Okay, that's a living person and
you are ghost. Okay, did you have a question? Question? Okay,
so welcome to human resources. So you are saying that
(24:19):
you are actually a living being? Is that correct? Yes,
there's been some mistake. Okay, Now that happens from time
to time. So ask a couple of questions here. I'm
just trying to find my wife and kids. Okay, what
was your last known address? Last known address Usworth House,
(24:42):
Bosworth Manner. Oh okay, so you understand this is just
a couple of questions. This kind of so we can
place you back into the living zone. It was so
long ago. Oh how long have you been here? Mm hmm.
What listen to me. It's kind of obvious you're dead.
(25:06):
What it's obviously No, I'm I'm alive. Look, we've seen
this happen before. My advice to you, go back to world.
I'll begin Bosworth Manna go there, hunt there for a while.
We're I'm touching you. I'm touching you right now. Oh yeah, Okay, boo, James,
(25:32):
just listen to me. Okay, why don't you let me
die for you? Okay, so I know what it's like
in the A life. I can come back and I
can think if you want to die or not. Okay,
I'll let you know if it's if you should be
dying or not. Okay, just let me do it. Choice
to make that choice, You're to make your agent. Okay.
I can do these kind of things. Okay, there's no
visitors after eight o'clock. I'm not a business I'm a agent, asshole. Okay.
(25:56):
So nearly killed in a sudden death call back. We're
doing we're doing everything we can for him, but it's
very I was there when he stabbed himself all right,
now look him on, James, what do you need huh r,
you can't. You can't switch spots. He'll see, he'll be
(26:16):
here healthy. You're extremely wounded. Oh who co edgy doctor?
To say the least? You want to deal with this
boring guy over here? He says no all the time. Uh. Sorry,
this because we're doing a classic good doctor, bad doctor routine.
(26:39):
I like him. The Georgs are great, Thank you. You've
got skinny, hairless legs. You know, it's very hard to
get muscle to get weight down there. But that's not
why we're here, is it. You should be read alright, docs,
So what's the issue you're saying? They can't switch positions. Look,
(27:01):
this guy is injured and this guy isn't well. Let
me see come over here, sir, the one who isn't injured. Okay,
then we have two injured patients, am I right? Look
if either of you dies here, you're gonna haunt the hospital.
We already have so many ghosts here because we've loved
so many patients. Needs cortaining out my arm. Now stick
(27:24):
those in him. Yeah, Mr Mr Keeney, I've just got
an update on your condition. They're checking your availability right, Oh,
really is on the twelfth shoot between the fifteen second
I'm available as long as second after four. Um, oh,
(27:52):
thank you so much. You're saying this martini was but
for me by one of those doctors over there. I'll
just say thank you. Uh, yes, it was bought by
one of them. O. My god, just have some emotion,
for God's sakes. She's just so dead behind the eyes
in a long day. That's not really what I want
to do, trying to be an actor but boring. Hello doctors, Hello,
(28:16):
thank you so much for the drink. Don't know which
one of you bought it. I'm sure you both split
the tag? Would you both wealthy talks? Yeah, he bought it. Yeah,
this guy bought it. What's up you? You bought it?
Oh you're a doctor? Sure? Um oh I thought it was.
(28:40):
It's something else, you know. I'm actually I actually I'm
gonna have to take the drink back. Yeah. So eight,
So did you get your answers or what? Dude? Did
you get your answers? When you're asking the questions, did
(29:02):
you get my room? What about? What do you want?
I want? I want you to say your best friend,
why are my arms and legs time, I'm helping to
make the decision. Man, I was thinking, who do you
(29:26):
have upstairs? Ryan? Jeez? What is he on about? Dear?
I think he's masturbating upstairs. Disgusting. This is disgusting. Do
you hear the How is it disgusting? If he's masturbating?
Is a He's a healthy young man, not in my house.
(29:49):
Not tell him to stop crushed. Okay, I'll go up
and tell him just that. Who do you want? You
just be my Okay? Okay, okay, okay, okay. So did
you final the answer? What's the difference between recurrent and recurring?
I don't know. I don't know. You're not together? Sure, Johnny? Johnny?
(30:13):
At your father? Are you in there? Yeah? He's staying
voices again? Can you just keep it down? Your mother?
I died three years ago, okay, okay, and so I
stayed here because I didn't want mom to be sad.
But now you're all down my fucking throat. Yeah. I
(30:35):
keep trying to explain that you've moved on, and she
won't let it go. So can we just keep the
noise down? Yeah, I'm sorry, it's all right. Welcome to
ghost Resources. So you father and son for having some issues. Um,
you're both dead, but you both hunting your at the
(30:55):
home of your wife and your mother. Correct, correct? Yeah,
all right? And you, sir, you think you're not a ghost?
Is that correct? I'm not a ghost? Why does everyone
say I'm a ghost? He died together, he drowned, He
drowned me. Then he shot himself. But I missed. We
don't ever talk about those moments. That's that's for human resources.
(31:18):
Some point, as I missed the point as I missed, Yeah,
he missed, ricochet. So I live with the grief of
drowning my son, but I certainly haven't not so upset
that I would kill myself. We have a saying here.
If you're exactly in ghost resources, you're a ghost. Okay,
that's the saying. That's the thing here ghost resources. Yes, okay,
(31:40):
all right? Does that work if you're recurrently say it again.
If you're currently in ghost resources, you are a ghost? Yes,
thank you? Okay, see why I drowned him? Yeah, excuse me?
Can I order a rusty nail? Please? Oh man, listen,
(32:01):
scot and boy the drink is? I know how to
make a rusty? Now? All right? The the the issue is
the drink is gonna go right through you and then
I have to clean it up? Mm hmm. Is this
is this Bosworth manner? Well, yeah, it's used to be.
Now it's called the Bosworth Bar. That's kind of where
all the hot meetings happen. This is where all the
agents hang out. It was once a mansion. Yeah, yeah,
(32:26):
I know the history. Um, all right, listen, the ghost disappointing. Well,
the ghost hang out in the back. You can chill
out there. But this is for humans. I'm not a ghost.
I am a person. Listen. I don't know what to
tell anybody, are you? Hey, mr ghost? Not a ghost
(32:51):
carried by a stranger at drink? Oh? Sure whatever, This
lady would like making a chaplain so blee all right,
coming right up, thank you perfect, I've been here for
a long time. Just a second, I'm sorry, did you
say pineapple juice? This is Philadelphi sha blye ye there
(33:17):
you go, oh the Philly shipling. Yes, the white wine
with a little splash of juice orange and that Do
I look like someone who's gonna drink a fucking Phillies
jews wine? Okay, and I'm gonna pause right there, so
look I'm gonna rewind the tape now listen, I'm gonna
(33:38):
slow this down. This is you whispering, God, I hate
this job. I'm play right here. Listen to this part.
You're taping us, Trevor. Yeah, okay, that is what it's
all because we're trying to we're trying to find evidence
of ghosts. Keep the bus board. I know that we
know this place is haunted, all right, and the more
evidence we can gather, it's going to prove this, and
then we can finally get that show I want on
(33:59):
the Travel Channel. We go to different bars, try to
rehab the bar, and the bars haunted. We exercise those ghosts.
It's called give Me. It's well the titles and I
don't have a title yet, but right now I'm thinking
of something like I'm scared to drink. Yeah, scared to drink. Okay. So,
so we need to know that you're on board. And
(34:20):
when you're whispering things like I hate this job or
I hate my job, it doesn't look good. It sounds
like an e v P and electronic voice phenomena that
we're trying to find on lower registers than people can
actually hear. So you're not mad that I'm annoyed with
my job. You're mad that I whispering. Yes, we need
to clear those channels for actual undead sounds. What did
(34:42):
you hear the ghosts that was there? Ordering you were whispering?
You're right, you're right watching this tape, I'm nowhere on it,
but I remember having the conversation with the boten Yeah. Look,
this is just more evidence that you are dead. You know,
(35:02):
I'm just having these recurring meetings by the way, Yeah, yeah, yeah, no,
it's it's helpful. Look, I'm gonna I'm gonna say something,
and I don't tell everybody this, but I like you.
There's only one way to become undead. Yes, yes, please
please tell me. You got a book, a show, book show.
(35:28):
If somebody wants to hire you, you will become alive again. Well,
this is the weird sudden death episode. We've ever seven
death auditions we've had, James, and you're great, but I
think we're gonna go with this gentleman right here. Something
about his voice and his presence, if I may use
that word, you might you might not be able to
(35:49):
see him, James, but he is amazing. He's standing right
next to you. I'm with Trader Joe's talent. You don't
have to tell us right now, war all right, James,
So if you can see yourself out out of here, yeah,
I just hook the car up. Let's tow it out here. Hey, buddies, wait,
(36:09):
that's my car. Yeah, anymore, buddies, it's mine now, virgin
hook it belongs to somebody killed that actor. Welcome to
Ghostree Sources. Without your your name, I gotta James ceeney, James, Okay,
(36:34):
this is my client. This is my client. Yeah, this
is my client. I've been waiting for him. Okay, just
so this way we go over this number one. You're
both the number two eachmor you're gonna go to orientation
because we can ask questions. They have donuts that have wine.
It's all a good time and wine. What what kind
of mixtures donuts and wine? This sounds disgusting, Well it's fine.
It's ghost weirl, so just enjoy it. And third thing
(36:55):
is I'm gonna enjoy that does just do not go
through humans, that is without their permission. You cannot we
cannot do that anymore. Okay, Okay, let me tell you
somewhere now, my client, James, And right, now, it's one
of the most best ghosts I've ever seen my life. Okay,
and you're gonna let him do what he needs to
do to become even better than he is. You're both that.
I have a good day, all right, James. I thought
(37:19):
that did not go well. He did not go well.
I'm gonna step out. Okay, I want to me anymore
in the afterlife. I'm gonna come on. This is every
time you hit a roadblock, every time an audition blows
up because of what you did. I get the flak
for it. Okay, it's bullshit. I got some you know
(37:41):
who I got. You know, I got on the hook.
I got Leonard of the the Cameo. I can work
with him. Okay, what's already established. I thought you wanted
to take somebody and bring him up and make them big. James,
where do you How do you think Van Dillan got
all those fast in the Furious movies? I don't know,
I don't know, I don't know. Not in trouble accepting
(38:02):
your new reality. Hold on this, guys, guy's got a presence. Yeah,
how did you die? Well? I was trying to talk
the tow truck drivers and to drop in my car
and another one just slammed into me. That's got my
(38:23):
job that I was trying to book. Yes, yes, I
booked a spot. Are you wrapped? I'm with Trader Joe's
Talent t J T. You Gotta Be Seen. Three comes
to us from Patron v I P. Baker Road. First off,
(38:46):
congrats to Craig for the first ever recorded impersonation of
Mark Merritt. I'm pretty great. Good to know. My scene
suggestion is fireworks. Thank you, Beaker. If I could see
you for just a moment, please, I'm very sorry to interrupt,
(39:08):
but I believe I have a discovery with your attention.
Of course, take on the marketplace as soon as possible
for someone else. You SUPs our efforts totally. Yeah. So anyway,
you got the you got the fire cats right here,
and all the sprinklers are on the side on the
wall right there. So just I'll be right back with you, ok,
Mr Boss. What's going on? Yes, if you can across
(39:32):
a discovery that I believe will be with all of
your time and energy and perhaps something you may want
to invest in. Totally. Now this this this used to
be a pawn shop. Again, we sell fireworks, right right,
So I'm happy to take a look at what you got.
Let's see if we can't move something. But you know,
in general, I can't. I can't give out loans anymore.
It is a film of firework that I believe you'll
(39:52):
want to invest in. Okay, right then, yeah, I'll definitely
take a look at what you got. Do you remember
those the little fireworks called snakes yo? Yeah, the little
black caps. You would send a fire and they would
crawl across the sidewalk. Yep, Okay, they got recalled because
kids were reading them. I thought they would get super
cold once you let it, which I don't understand. They
(40:14):
burn their mouths. Well, kids are stupid that we can't
agree on. So my firework is called a gator, and
the gator, once you liked it, crawls across the sidewalk
and eats Holy ship. Is that a real gator in
that cage? No? No, that's a firework. Okay, Well that
looks like a moving gator. It looks like a live
(40:34):
gator in that cage. Isn't it impressive? Okay? What is this?
What are you doing? You don't have a live gator
in a fireworks store? That's me just let it out
of its cage and you mr, Mr, just why don't
just leave it in there? All right? Well, we just
leaving there. I trust that this is a firework. Well,
if you want a demo it, let's go outside the
demo it. Huh okay, very well, should we go out back?
(40:56):
Let's go back right, very just so, I'm gonna be
back in a second. Just keep you could just take
a look at anything on the side there. I'm done, though,
I don't just keep looking at that. Just keep on.
You'll be right backs. Look some money on the counter
here you are. So I'm going to let the firework
(41:17):
out of the cage and you're going to see it.
Eight children. It's the greatest thing ever. Okay, hold on
a second. It's gonna eat children, Yes, all right. I
don't know if I want that as a firework. I
don't know if that's gonna be a hot understand. I
understand your Could it be candy here? I'm here for
the candy. That's side little boys right this way? Did
you learn these kids are kid? Now stand over here,
(41:42):
look straight up into the sky until you see the lights.
Keep looking up, children, mr, And now I released the firework.
You watch the live that's a live here, right o. Good?
Oh well, like I gotta hand it to your peal.
(42:08):
Most you know, fireworks fatality as we see here when
people buy the fireworks, take them out of the shop
and misuse them at home. Uh. This is the first
time that somebody's actually uh killed somebody at their own
fireworks store. Well I didn't kill anybody. I didn't do that.
Uh yeah, yeah, you keep talking about this mysterious Mr
bos figure who we have no record. If you look
(42:33):
at the video the surveillance keep in my shop, you'll
see me talking to another person. There's the kids that
you killed, and then you. That's all gonna see. I
don't just check out, please, I've been here now for
four hours. Just look at the rack. Okay, look, we're
gonna keep you open for today while we conduct an investigation.
(42:55):
But right, what does your burtner say? I said, the
video footage is pretty damning. You see him too, Yeah, no,
I you see me, of course he sees me. I'm
a human being. My partner, My partner was killed two
years ago due to my own negligence. Okay, and he
(43:17):
haunts me. He haunts me every day. But he's still
a damn good cop. Okay, wait a second, Yes, I
smell another ghost was here? Wait you think it's a ghost.
He has a superpower to smell other ghosts, ghosts and
(43:38):
smell photo, says him. I smell photo, says him, all
over the place here the photo says him. Oh, hi, officer, um,
is this about my son? He loves candy and he
was out playing. He hasn't been home yet, is there.
This is the hardest part of the job. I mean,
the hardest part of the job would be like tackling
(43:59):
drug drug addicts. No, that's that's easy. There, that's easy. Yeah,
they're they're fucked up. They don't have a lot of
strength to fight back. That makes sense, you mean literally
tackling them or yeah, we just feel like they're so
a erratic, you know what I mean. Very easy. Trust
you might get poked by a needle, but that's scared.
(44:19):
So yeah, it's the worst case scenario where we're can
I hold your gun? Is that a thing? Well, you
can hold it for a second. Should have given her
my ghost gun? Honestly, table for two Yes, thank you. Oh,
I wasn't talking to you, so we've been waiting here,
(44:41):
and what you gonna sit down in the fourer doesn't
mean you're waiting. I don't know what the hell you're
doing On the sheet, the sheet said something part of
you too, Yeah, exactly. You think I'm gonna seat you
and stop using her WiFi? His name is Urine, asshole. No,
(45:02):
he just comes in all time. This is my table, dritty,
Oh you're an asshole? Is here? Oh? Oh uh? It is? Actually?
Would you mind sitting at the bar? Sir? The buts?
What do I hate my job? Yeah? It's so weird,
(45:24):
like like fate artists together, like you knocking so too.
You forgot why you were there, and then I was like, oh,
I'm why you're here. We have to follow this instant connection. Yeah,
you gotta get the help in your poppers here, they're fantastic. Okay,
say no more, follow me, all right, sure, thank you.
So what's this rope with the swim across this rope? Yeah,
(45:46):
it's it's a whole theme restaurant, you know. Oh wow, Okay,
oh jeez, I've lost my shoe. Follow me. So I
was thinking, now I know I'm thinking too fast, but
I want you to meet my son. Oh I remembered.
I just remember, are you not into kids? You're not? No, no, no, no,
(46:08):
you just remember you're into people, but totally into people,
but not into kids. Yeah, let's pick up the base.
Look after the chuck can these guys just went to circle.
They just went in big circle. You see that? Follow me?
Why don't we just put the kids up away? And
how much is you in meeting it? You know what
(46:28):
I mean? Try to lose me, Try to lose me. Okay,
just now, okay, okay, I'll go look you go right,
all right? Huh uh. Just there's my table ready? Now, yeah,
I follow me. I will take a seat at the bar.
(46:52):
Oh you gonna take a spe see at the bar.
You just spit on the floor when I said that earlier.
It's so angry. I don't you know what I haven't
you know? I have an m B A in and
you have a National Basketball Association? Yes, I have an NBA.
Do you understand that I do? And I'm here my customers,
(47:13):
please welcome to We're gonna get I'll have you stake
with the potatoes. How would you get stake prepared? Bloody
bloody man after my own heart? And what would you
like to drink uh arresting him. Of course, Where are
you from? If you don't, mommy, I'm marketing man from
(47:34):
Russia to Bruce. Did you hear that? Are you ship? Goddamn?
Somebody shut You're an asshole. I'm off duty. I'm off duty, right, yeah, no,
they're good at Somebody take care of it. Hey, guys,
(47:55):
I'm so I'm taking over for Debora, all right, I'll
be the new services like her. Yeah, we all do.
But I'm actually I guess someone shadowing me right now?
This is Clayton. How to Clayton? I don't see anybody there.
We don't see anybody. I see Clayton, Clayton's part it's
it's he's a ghost. Who who are you talking to?
(48:15):
I'm sorry, I'm talking to my my dead partner. Ted. Yeah,
there there is somebody shadowing her, and it's it's it's
a ghost. It's a ghost server. Okay, listen, if you
don't like me, you can just say that. No, no,
I like you? Should I come back? No? No? Stay here,
you stay here, stay you stay here? Okay. Two questions,
(48:37):
One do you think he likes me? And to what's
the saddus on that Russian that was shot earlier. Okay,
number one. Do I think he likes you? Uh? Yeah,
I really think he does. You know, I appreciate. I
can definitely tell this is a new egg, still pretty raw,
you know, the shell hasn't hardened around, and there's definitely
some cold yolk in the center, if you catch my
(48:58):
if they want anything to drink, Clayton wants to know
if you want something to drink? Who's cleanting again? He's
shadowing me right now? He saw forever. Okay, okay, fine, fine,
you could a coffee? You want the coffee? Coffee for
(49:19):
my partner here. I heard that clearly. He heard it.
You said you don't drink, and hears you. I. I
don't drink coffee, but Ted doesn't either, but he likes
just having it nearby. Okay, you know what, oh ship,
my son, my son? Do you know what crocodiles are?
I have to go now, I have to go. So
(49:41):
wait a minute, you're telling me you're on a day
with this guy and he was talking to his dead partner. Yeah,
And I was like, just just say you're not interested.
You know, why make up the story? I don't know.
So then I was I'm a way to pick up
Bob Bobby myself. And then I was I'm sorry, can
I just take this chair if you're not using it?
Go ahead? Jesus, why don't you even ask alone? So
(50:05):
I figured I could just take a chair, Yeah, take
the chair. Go okay, man, you haven't answered me if
you can I take the chair. I'm sorry, Um, it's
just been a long night. Tell them you can take
the chair. Yes, you can have the chair. It's you're right.
You look like you say it. I look like what
(50:27):
you look at? Your fucking freak ask by you really
be talking to the customers that way? Yeah, Cleyton, Okay,
we roll how any way we want. That's exactly my
attitude when I was sent over to the other side.
That sucks? Did sucks? Okay, James, I'll tell you what.
(50:58):
Why don't we try the scene again? End? At this time,
you're not sure what a ghost is, Okay, So when
you come into the room, sure everybody's talking about the
dead and who's dead and who's not. You don't know
what they're talking about. Let me see what Dad looks like. Okay,
all right, we're gonna pick it up on page two,
(51:18):
page two, Page two, The second page. Jim, give me
a second. Excuse me, what's going on here? This is
an ice you. Yeah, I'm just cru in here. I
need to take care of my patient and we'll be
out of your hair as quickly as possible. In fact,
(51:39):
this interaction isn't helping James action. Did somebody say camera, Hey,
I'm the doctor here. I will say I am SAG
eligible if that means anything to anybody here who represents
you currently unrepped new faces right here? Yeah, Montreal went
there last year. Oh my goodness, don't move, don't please
(52:01):
stay right where you are. James, ready, I'm going. I
thought I thought we were already started. God, God, back
to one everyone. Hey, uh, what's up with the legs?
Were you wearing? George? And they're much smooth and shine?
Who are you talking to? What's up? Who are you
(52:24):
talking to? I'm talking to my self, okay. It's called
self love. And occasionally my inner voice tells me I
have unreasonably skinny and shiny legs, okay, and that's why
I wear these. George, by the way, because I'm not
gonna run away from the fear. Uh. Mr Heeney or
(52:47):
your your son is here to see you, by the way,
but he uh, he said, you also smacked him earlier.
So excuse are you you hit your son because you're
a method actor? Well, no, no, I was. I was
in a headspace where I was going to be Okay, Dad,
(53:15):
did you get the fireworks? You were gone all day? Uh,
here's a funny story, all right. I don't like your stories,
and they're never funny. Fine when in my room, no
talk to me like that. No one talks to me
like that. And you should do something about it. Man,
you guys leave me alone, all right. I know what
you here. Something about it, man, sit out a couple
(53:39):
of hands and go deal with your son for fox
Psyche That chips aren't going just vote, get a vote again?
Does anybody like my son? Hands up? Hands up, God,
guse them for kindling. Let's go all right, Phil give
me your knife, not the blade side? Got it? Got it?
(54:05):
Got a right? All right? Go away? Nope, I'm coming in, Dad. Yeah,
I said I needed privacy. Who's this guy dried up
in your whole? I gotta kill him too now. But
(54:30):
there's a guy in the closet to uh so much blood?
Who's the of the bed. Is this Teddy barre Line.
No good, oh good, Well, it looks like we've been
(54:50):
called in for another slate of ghost crimes. Ted I
am pretty sure this one was done by a human. Really.
I mean, I'm not a sure, but I don't The photos,
the photoplasms all pretty fresh, as if these ghosts around
us are new ghosts, not ghosts the committed to crime.
(55:12):
But that's just my look. You throw around those technical terms.
It goes right over my head, buddy, But you know,
I know as a ghost, you know, I I trust your, trust,
your instincts on these That coffee is going right through you,
cop Phone Copp. Hey, I don't know if you remember me,
(55:36):
but we would Marcia, Hi, Yes, Hi. I don't mean
to be interrupting you. Just my son hasn't come home.
And it was a reminder that all the men in
my life I tend to push away, and you're one
of those men. And I wanted to say I'm sorry,
(55:57):
and I wanted to see if maybe we could go
out again. I was trying to explain about crocodiles the
last time I saw you. Are you moving out of
that spot because you've been sitting We're police, Okay, we'll still. Okay,
they're about to tell anyway, I'll go around. Yeah, crocodile tears,
(56:22):
I get it. I know you're crocodiles. They're like snakes,
but bigger. Yeah, yeah, I know. I know your kids.
Oh loves candy, loves candy. It's probably why he's not home.
I don't have noticed how I used the past tense
I did. I thought maybe that was your mistake. It's
(56:43):
not my mistakes. I'm gonna get making a mistake in
the president. Give me a call. Help me out here,
an she doesn't even see me. All right, I'll touch
you later. Okay, Bye. I went around the block and
you're still here. Okay, we're pulling out. We're pulling out
(57:04):
right now. All right, who's we dare? Did he say who? We?
Was a man in the car by himself. Oh that's right,
that's weird, right, he was just by himself. You should
we'll take the spot already. Will you should tell that guy?
You should see what's going on in this car. Tommy,
you know I let your father pack the dawn car. Yeah,
(57:25):
we're gonna go after him. Show what the hell are
you doing? Careful, careful, there's a there's a ghost in
his back ship. Man in the car, we're that kid
(57:49):
is dead for sure. Oh fuck, I think I think
I know what you have. You you can hear ghosts, well,
I can hear my partner. Yeah, I can hear my
whole family. They're in my car. Oh wow, wow, you
killed your family. Uh, this is the guy, This is
(58:12):
the this is the guy said, yeah, he's the killer.
He got everybody in his house. I think some of
them weren't even family. Did you just tell a cop
you killed your family? No? I thought I kept it
pretty vague. Tommy, you didn't. You're very clear and direct.
Did I say the words I killed my family? No?
He asked. You said, yes, Hey, that guy just admitted
(58:34):
to killing his family over there him. Good for him.
You guys are on the curb right third, Why are
you yelling? Who are you yelling at? Let me just listen, officer.
I think this is a weird predicament, all right, and
I shan't let it happen again. Shan't. So I'm gonna
put huh. I'm forty nine, Okay, all right, I'm gonna
(59:00):
to walkle. That's cool. My age has proved to you
that I'm good to go. I'm stepping back. I'm gonna
get into my crumpled car and I'm gonna drive away fringing. Yeah,
he's not going anywhere. That car is broken. Alright, Ted,
(59:20):
you step in and arrest the ghosts, I'll arrest the guy.
I mean, the ghosts were just murdered. I don't think
they're arresting. That's ours show. Oh let's thank Dr James
Heeney first and Farmost. Thank you so much for being here. James,
where can folks find you should they want to? You know,
(59:42):
I would really like them to tune in to twitch
dot tv slash bs comedy. We've been doing a lot
of fun stuff on Wednesday nights. It usually starts about
eight pm Pacific Standard time. I love that. Thanks and
Chris Alberando, thanks so much for being here, buddy boy,
thanks for having me. I love you guys at christ
(01:00:02):
Alvarado Instagram, Chris Dashardo dot com. For a website, yep,
that's raw. You find a website. That's right. See you
on the surf. Hey, everybody, thanks thanks for having me.
I appreciate it. You can find me at a tool time.
I'm wearing the shirt. I just if you're on the Patreon,
(01:00:24):
watching this, says museum prov and it just reminds me
of the times when I could do that, and that
was a show that they did. They'll help you evaluate
and look at art in a different way using it.
Mm hmm. Wow. And where can they find that now?
I think it's museum prov dot com. But look, yeah,
that's it. Thank you, Thank you for half hasting that plot.
(01:00:46):
Appreciate that very much. Yeah, about New Year's Eve plans earlier,
I'm actually doing to two shows on New Year's Eve
with the cast of The Thrilling Adventure Our Exciting Me,
Paul Tompkins, Mark Kevin Jackson, Busy Phillips, bunches of other folks.
We're just gonna play trivia and hang out and drink
and count down the new year. Go to house Seats
(01:01:08):
dot live for more information about that and other live
streaming shows. And what is that side again again? Dot
house Seats dot live and look up the beautiful All right,
Joey Gerstein, you know it, I'm back on the Graham
(01:01:29):
at God bless chim Chum. Thanks for happening. And is
it you? Is it you on on that handle or
is it that's do with alchemy? This, it's you, and
you and your thoughts and your photos and what this is.
Everything on there's me has nothing to do with the
production company or and what brought your sponsors. Honestly, yes, honestly, awesome,
(01:01:51):
my mom. Okay, now I'm honestly it was a neighborhood collision,
not a coal collision. Collision. Collisions are my favorite. M
Let's thank our engineering producer with the Stars, Mr Doug Bate.
Find books that I heart media. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock.
(01:02:15):
Thanking each and every damn one of you. Be kind
to each other. Let's stay healthy, damnit and yeah, be
kind to each other. Circle back to that it couldn't hurt.
Keep writing to us, your name here, talking with this
dot com and love to hear from you. I love
to read your emails and thanks for all the support
on the Patreon. Until next time, A football for Pepper
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