March 31, 2022 • 54 mins
A day in the life of the guy who empties port-a-potties.
Two virgins trying to have sex.
Southerners struggle to leave a review.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Well, welcome back to another episode of Boy. Just send
your host Kevin poll yess that Kevin was, Yes, I
do think there are more variants coming. I just pray
that eat to every one of them is a damn
woods like that amcron. But I digress. Let's means shan't
we in no particular order. Let's quickly check in with
Chris Alvarado. First surf report, Captain A Red Holy smokes,
(00:27):
it's been beautiful out there. I've been having a really
good time. I had two friends that went to Costa
Rica on a surf trip and they learned some new techniques.
When they got back, they taught me those techniques and
I'm now putting them, uh to work, and it's great
surfing USA. Are you seeing Carla Kakowski out there? No,
but she's really funny on the surf text thread that
(00:49):
we have. Okay, yep, she's bringing the funny. Oh well,
I don't know why you keep asking for more. Hey,
there's Craig Couch cacao. Is there an item any particular
store that taught you every time you walk past it?
What are stores like? What? What do you have in
(01:16):
mind when you ask this question? Well, sometimes there's usually
an item or two at Costco. But I just didn't
know if you frequent in Costco, so I opened it
up to any particular store. But there's an item or
two at Costcos. I walked past. It'll go, man, I
really want to buy that. I really want to get that.
I guess I'm not a good capitalist because the occasions
(01:40):
when I go two stores, I know exactly what I
mean to get, I get it, and I get out. Yeah,
but that's probably the average pair. Look over there, it's
James Heeney, Jacko, Johnny Jim. Objectively speaking. What is the
most delicious meal that you can cook? Oh my god,
I am a fantastic cook. Um. I think it's probably
(02:05):
coconut curry, uh, with like mushrooms. And I typically when
i'm cooking, will either cook vegetarian or vegan. Um, so
my coconut curry is vegan. Thank you for that, and no,
thank you, and now please welcome back. I'm gonna bring
you some coconut curry. All right, you're gonna love it.
Please please welcome back. Jackie gonzalaz thruth to Jacqueline because
(02:29):
you hate it. What is something you started and it's
still nags that you would have finished. This is bad. Okay,
I like it when I accidentally get one. It's my
Christmas movie. It is done, but I need to now
(02:49):
like go and implement some notes. And I need to
do that, and it's taking me too long. So I
assume this is a Christmas movie you're watching and you
have notes for the studios that I'm watching that and
giving those a studio. Absolutely that I'm giving notes a studio.
You've made a Christmas movie and you need to finish it. Okay.
(03:11):
So I've written a Christmas movie and it is complete,
it is written and it and um, I have received
notes and I need to now implement those and that
is the process that is taking me too long. It's
taking me too long. It should have already been done,
(03:31):
like because they're not they're not crazy notes. It's not
like big shifts. It's they're easy to implement, and I
need to just do it. You just never liked homework.
You just never liked homework. Not great with homework. You
got me yep, And when you were creating, it didn't
feel like homework. But now you've got an assignment and yeah,
(03:54):
and it's like little things it's like not even like
a big thing where it's like it's fun to like
figure out. It's like, oh, like this one sentence, get
back into that groove harder, like okay, you know, get
back into that groove where you just want people to
see this movie and it's true I do. That's that's
(04:17):
the excitement. That's excitement energy you need to tap back into,
because that that'll get you to the finished line. Thank you,
and that'll be nine dollars and last, but no more
peanut Eminem's for you if you think at least it's
Mark Gagliardi weirdly weirdly comfortable and George's can you tell
us a secret about Disneyland please? Oh? Um, here's the thing.
(04:45):
All of those I probably shouldn't because I worked there
for so long. All those characters that you see walking
around in the park, Um have humans inside costume. They're
actually people, like human people inside the What you think
is Mickey and um Saradagan from Basil of Baker Street,
(05:10):
it's not actually them. It's it's actually And what about
when they're height challenged? Um, does that mean there's a
fourteen year old in there? No, there's there are there
are adults of all sizes in all of the different costumes.
I always pictured, you know, a sort of sweatshop labor.
(05:33):
I think though the Jimminy cricket is an actual cricket. Yeah,
and he has a he has one of those like
steering machines like the little robot in Men in Black.
Did I like that a lot? Yeah? I also like
it if it was played by the character Cricket from
the show Always Sunny in Philadelphia. All right, let's do it.
(05:53):
I'm sure all of our scene suggestions to gather from
your listener emails or from our patron v I p s.
You've heard me talk about it. If you want to
avoid all this and James, we should figure out a
way to also give them this bonus. If you're a
patron supporter, you don't have to listen to this diet tribe.
We will remove it for those listening anyways. Something to
work forward and and right to us. Also with more
(06:14):
suggestions like that it is difficult unless you enjoy the
editing process. Interesting, Jackie, that you find the homework of
all kinds. Uh the highest level of patron supporting the Alcomaniacs,
And we've got one of us joining us now in
the zoom. He's all the way from the Munich, Germany,
(06:37):
but he's in the zoom with us, And that, of
course is Nicholas Maker. We're thrilled to have had his
support all these years. And Nicholas, if you're anywhere near
your computer, just pop in real quick to say hello.
I see your cameras off, your micas off. You may
not even fact be watching you probably just that might.
Actually I just thought I'd do a really weird thing
(07:00):
and just have you creep in for for a nano second.
Uh say hello to all the uh people listening from
around the world. Please nice. That's not he's not he's
(07:21):
not being recorded for the zen cast. So the world's
only going to hear our reaction to us. So you
know how you can hear that is if you subscribe
to the Patroon support. Because of Zoom, video of this
will be available to patron supporters. So hardy horror and
I'm a dumb ship who filled in for yeah. Um
(07:43):
all right, So if you want to support, head on
over to patroon dot com slash alchemist if we'd love
to hear from you. Otherwise, you just want to write
to us with comments, questions, or a scene suggestion. Yeah,
we've got an email for you. Alchemy to email at
gmail dot comscomist See. Number one comes from listening to
Rebecca X, who wrote A little bird told me you
were looking for some email suggestions. Here it is a
(08:05):
day in the life of the guy who empties Porta potties. PS.
I've got my husband hooked. He laughed so hard he
cried the first time he listened. It was very satisfied. Thanks,
your loyal listener. Becks occupied. Uh sorry, I got to
clean I'm in You can't clean up on a time schedule, sir.
(08:30):
If you look up, you will see a little paper
with the missiles previous cleaners. I do see that on
the clipboard. Uh huh, yeah, I do see that. It's uh,
I don't need that much longer. It'll just take me
a second. What are you doing? And listen, it's none
of your business. What's happening in here? He just can't
open the door right now. Please keep it down, Keep
(08:52):
it down. I'm trying to make it. Yeah, that's right.
We're making love. No, we're having sandwiches. What we're having sandwiches?
It's the only quiet place for lunch on this work site.
Can that's disgusting? Minds a poll boy, if you must know.
And he's got himself a reuben. It's lunchtime where though, Yeah,
(09:15):
we're just having lunch. It's this. Look, it doesn't matter
why we're in here. We just don't lunch. Shame us,
don't lunch, shame us here, Lift me out, Lift me out?
Is there a third in there? God? God, no, i's
talking to us. There's a guy outside the door says
(09:36):
he has to clean. Oh shit, right, I'll go back down.
That's funny. What is the state of the room in there? What? Wisconsin?
What kind of question is this? Yeah? What is it dirty?
Is it needed? Oh? Full cleaning? Smell a it's a
porta potty. It's pretty gross. You're wanting wanted you could
(10:00):
come back later kind of thing. I want to hear
what your friend was gonna say. Oh yeah, go ahead, Tommy.
I don't know. I think it's more nefarious than that, Jeff.
I think it's more nefarious. I think he wanted us
to use our pen on his clipboard and just put
a check mark there that says he did come in
and clean this. When he goes. Here's what I was thinking.
If y'all got a pen in there, see, this is
what I was talking about. You can run my initials,
(10:22):
my initials j D. Johnny Damage. We just made j D.
We don't God now we know his name Damage, like
the Johnny Damage like alright, alright, well, how the mighty
have fallen? No? No, okay, now you can't get out? No, no,
you y'all can't wait. Are you trying to open the door?
Are you? Why are you Johnny Damage? Why are you
(10:43):
blocking the door? Listen? I didn't know. Anybody didn't know.
It's gonna have fans in here. So I don't feel safe.
I don't feel safe open the door. We were kidnapped
by Johnny Damage. Alright, why don't I join you for
one second? I dropped a shrimp. Goddamn it? All right, Hill,
it's me Hey, okay, So Johnny Damage. You were what
(11:05):
at one point, Tommy? What? Wow? Did you never read
a sports illustrated or eat out of a Wheati's box?
Neither continue you ever heard the word touchdown? Sure? I
was a cheerleader. Barry, Barry, You've you've heard of Johnny Damage? Right,
of course I've heard a Johnny Damage touchdown. All right, look, look,
(11:33):
look this has been nice and all. I gotta I
gotta move on to the next porta party. Um so
why don't I just do a quick little little whipe down?
Part of me, part of me, this is your captain speaking,
and it's going to be about probably one hour and
twenty seven minutes till touchdown. Until then, please enjoy the
(11:57):
in flight entertainment. And I am definitely a man and
not a female pilot. You here him here? Yeah? What
was that touchdown? Yeah? No he he was really laying
on the pedal with being a man not a woman.
(12:18):
Was there a confusion? Gonnaet? Back to my crossword part
of me? Wait a second? Are you? Did you ever
play in a band of music? You know, the frontman
for a group in the rounde? Nope, the ship does.
You're not You're not Johnny Damage. I am Johnny Damage.
(12:43):
Holy I never played music in my life. Oh no,
your name's Johnny Damage. Though. All right, this is this
this r bell touchdown? Fuck you did the commercials from
Monday Night football? God damn it. I think Mike that
(13:06):
there's been some misunderstanding. I am Johnny Damage, but I
don't play American football? So what you want me to
throw this this oblong thing for for this commercial? It
looks like we got our Johnny Damage is mixed up. Yeah, look,
(13:27):
it happens all that. It's like there's two Richard Sherman's,
one that plays football in one that writes Disney songs.
This is kind of like that, but uh, but way worse.
Because we hired you know what, We hired you for
the commercial, we might as well use you. Uh do
you know how to throw an American football? I mean,
(13:48):
I'll do my best. You know, this is kind of
on me not asking any follow up questions because this
has been a recurring thing in my life for thirty years,
you know, and all so also we look like you
do you do? You know what? In fact, we might
use that if we just lock that pony tail up
(14:09):
your head, people might think you were touchdown, Johnny Damage, Steve,
we can take that out and post. Don't worry about
that pony down. We don't even have to cut it
off his head. That's called the magic of showbies. Look
at that, Johnny Damage. We're gonna how's your how's your
American accent? Can you sound like an American football player.
(14:30):
We can also dub him Steve. We can dub him.
It's good to have that option. But I would like
can I get Can I at least give it a
try as you Johnny Damage as musician Johnny Damage. I
do have an air the mimicry. Al right, I really
quick put these ping pong balls down and we can
(14:51):
just map that while he does the actions will put
the other Johnny Damage on top and post amazing what
we can do now. But well, let's give him his shots.
So we think it sounds like you don't name me
at all. Look, look we hired you. Please keep your
seatbelts buckled. We're going to hit a bit of turbulence.
(15:13):
Should last fifteen minutes, and I've got used list. It's
in a big old slaw. What what are you off there?
You off the mic? Yeah? Yeah, I'm off the mic. Okay,
why can't you just be of the female captain that
you are? People aren't used to it. People are used
(15:33):
to hearing a man. People are used to having a
man pilot they're playing. They're just not used to it.
Why don't I jump on as your copilot and vounce
for you and say you're the head pilot. No, I
don't like that at all. That makes me feel low.
That makes me feel low. You're pretending to be someone
something you're not. I'm harnessing a different power within me,
(15:55):
is how I like to see it. You just ended
that last situation by saying schalong, a big old schlong. Okay,
see and listen, coming from a man we don't even.
I don't say that really, I wouldn't want to call
it anything else. I'm saying, I don't refer to it.
You don't really what if you have an itch I've
(16:17):
got an itchy, I mean on the mic, I've got
an itchy. And then what are you gonna say? I
don't tell it. I don't annown. I don't announce that
it cock. That sounds well, that sounds fed up. That's
what you see. That sounds sucked up. Okay you're yes,
that sounds like, Oh no, I've got an itchy prick.
(16:37):
That's too much. That's hard. Do you think they know
their microphone s No? I clearly think. I don't think
they do. That is just an itchy cock. I mean,
I find it fascinating that we get that's embarrassing. It's
embarrassing as boy is. Wait a second, how do I
know that voice? Look behind us, look mind and tell
me if it looks like a British person with a ponytail.
(17:02):
I mean it does. It looks like a pretty shouldn't
I shouldn't have weighed in. I shouldn't have weighed in.
But I mean it's so distracting that that that Marx
is still on and they're still talking. I mean, it's
I had to pilot one O one. Oh my god,
it's Johnny Damage, I say, I say, honey, I've got
itchy we And how does your wife feel about that?
(17:23):
We haven't slept together in years? We're getting a lot
of information. This is so great. I'm Johnny Damage without
the H, without the H. The other guy spells it
with an H. But yeah, oh age And and why
a second? White a second? It's you your motherfuckeren one
(17:57):
two and the mho wrote Seen suggestions two versions trying
to have sex? Thanks and take care? So do you? Um?
Do you like your dessert? Did you want me to
get the check? How do you wanna do this? I'm well,
(18:21):
I guess we'll get the check, right, Okay, okay, I'll
be right back with that. Thank you, sir. I just
didn't know if you were done eating or wanted to
as we had suggested. Maybe go back to your place.
I don't know. My mom has been hounded me about
moving out since. But it's late enough. Maybe she's in bed.
(18:45):
Maybe you can come back. Okay, right, Hey Steve, did
you bring the check over to the table too? Uh?
They they just asked for it having No. I was
coming over here because I know I heard playing Are
you playing? I heard about tonight? I heard tonight is
gonna be the looking night for you. Oh come on,
come on, what do you mean you heard everyone's talking
(19:08):
about it. All the cooks are saying he's gonna lose
his virginity tonight. You stop that. When you stop that,
they are, I mean, all I want to say is
give me one second. All I want to say is,
if you need any point, move the ace. No, you
cut you you just put the ace down. It's there, Okay, great? Nice?
That was nice. You give me a pointer if you winter,
you let me know I'm not looking for I'm not
(19:30):
losing my virginity tonight. I will never lose my virginity,
swore up. I would never lose my virginity, bad things
will happen. You don't know the hell mouth that will
open up if I lose my virginity. You don't know
the hell mouth that will open up when you start
to Is that a euphemism? Is hell mouth? The euphemism
doesn't sound pleasant. Want your partners to do a hell
(19:51):
mouth on you? You can? I please print this check.
I think these two are gonna go fuck as soon
as I okay, well, they're probably not virgins. I don't know.
Should I ask? Yes, Okay, give me the check. Okay,
here's your check, and thank you, thank you. Let me
get this. Oh no, okay, okay, can I get this?
(20:13):
Do you do you take travelers checks? I mean we
used to. I don't. I don't know if we do anymore.
Could you check because I would have travelers checks. I'd
love to you. Sure, I'll go check. Thank you. He's
kind of handsome, Yeah, I think so. I wonder maybe
he'll come back with us tonight. Really, you're okay, it's
(20:35):
got to be in bed by now. It's like, okay
by the time we get there, and I gotta tell you,
you're you're so uh cock freezing with this mention of
your mom every nine mint words? Does it bother you
that I still live with her? Only when you talk
about it incessantly? Okay, okay, I'll stop. Yeah, hey, sorry,
(20:57):
I had to go to after the managers this upstairs.
We actually don't take travelers checks anymore, not since um
not since the new location opened our system. I don't
That's all I had was trapper jacks. I'm sorry. It's
so insisted on getting the check and then I'm not
allowed to. That's weird. Do you guys take venemole? Let
(21:22):
me go ask? Could you check? Hey? Baby? You awake? What? Oh? Sorry,
I'm sorry, I just don't know if you're awake or
I just got back from the restaurant. Oh my god,
you scared me. I'm so sorry. You really scared me.
I was in the middle of something. Tips tonight, huh what? Sorry?
(21:46):
Made some good? Why are you so sweaty? Tips tonight? Nothing?
I don't know what tips? And that? What? That was
so such a weird way to say that it's hot.
I was sweating in Were you having a sex dream? Heidi?
Was it with me? You say they're Oh, they're usually
(22:09):
with me? Yes? And this one wasn't with another man. Okay,
it I don't know if I want to count it
as a sex dream, you know what I mean? Like
it felt, It felt a certain way, but the action
wasn't the same. But the feeling was the same, but
(22:32):
the action was very different. Your arms all fell back asleep.
Come deeper into the forest. Ah Um, huh, Okay, go
to sleep. I'll talk in the morning. Yeah. Go hold
on to my antlers and ride me. Heidi, I've got
to go. I thought I would lose you. This is
(22:56):
so great. No, no, You'll always have me. Let me
gallop throughout the forest stagnan, Yes, I am stag Linian.
This is the best. Can I just say you taking
me through the forest and then and then huffing in
(23:18):
the waters at the river. Okay, hold on, jad can
you stop the projector place? I thought this was a
Christmas movie? What the funk am I watching? She's writing Reindeer,
it's not Christmas season quite yet. In the movie. Later on,
it's like it's like it's like you said this was
a comedy. You said it was very funny, very funny
(23:40):
Christmas movie. And now it's done done. Is this still
part of your dream? Yeah, that's weird. It's actually it's
really weird. It's really weird because now before I was
in a fantasy land and now I'm in a reality nightmare.
(24:00):
But you're conscious of the fact that you're dreaming, meaning
you can control your dreams. I'm finally listen. It's a lucid.
Lucid is the word I was looking for. I'm a
I'm a magical stag. I don't I don't know every
human word. What am I doing here? Baby? Oh no, no,
this could be good. I know that I've spoken Jesus.
(24:24):
The Stagnolion's got a huge long Yeah, well he's got
a few. The other ones are hiding. Oh, it's a
magical space in here, in the forest of my mind.
And this is the These are the Hollywood executives who
are making the movie. What's happening? I don't know. I
(24:48):
feel like I'm on the verge of losing my dream job.
Here it's gonna be a Christmas movie in just a second. Well,
it's not your dream job, it's her dream job. Oh oh,
it's the you're I've got your dream shop. Well I
was just using dream Maybe it's not translating because I'm
I'm a magical stag. I shouldn't make puns. Is there
(25:11):
any way you can bring Josh from the restaurant in here? Oh? Whoa, guys,
what is happening listening? I mean, this guy can't get
over you, he can't get enough. Finally a love interest
I can bank on. Yeah. Also, this is Stagnalian Stagnellion.
(25:32):
This is Josh. Yeah. Hey, wow, stag stag Lanion. I'm
bringing them all out now. Oh god, please don't. I've
never oh god, I've never seen anyone naked but myself.
Jo and I just squeeze in real quick. Timmy Stimpson,
I'm with the Warner Brothers. Were watching a screening of
(25:55):
this Christmas movie, and I just want to say, now
that you're in it, I'm much more interested. I like
what I'm seeing, so please please stick around. How about
that you're seeing it with star power. Maybe you revert
back to the original version, because I feel like the
notes got a little out of hand and then it
turned something other. Yeah, I gotta go. I gotta get
(26:19):
back with those two guys from Table for ten, which rewrite.
Did you have a problem was exactly? I had a
problem with the one that turned it into more of
a suspenseful a witch hunt with an element of core. Sure, sure,
(26:40):
have you seen a lot of Christmas movies? Just forgive
the question if it's two on the nose. Yeah, yeah,
well you've never seen one with a suspense element or
a soft core m We're trying to get ahead of it.
What happened to all my penises? Hey? Hey, Josh, how
(27:06):
was your how's your night last night? Um? Jack? Okay?
It was. I mean, I think you know about part
of it. I didn't know if that was like a
really thing that was really happening. Yeah. Man, I finally
I finally thought I was going to have a moment,
you know, I thought it was finally going to lose
(27:29):
my virginity to those two very nice people from that table,
and I was whisked away to god knows what several
layers of inception were happening at once. It felt like, say,
table table for one please, Oh my god, Josh stacklinean, Yes,
(27:53):
Oh my god, was that real? That was real? What
are you? What are you doing in our world? That
was real? What do you mean that our world just
coming out to lunch? Maybe hide is still sleepy, Maybe
we're still in the forest of her mind? Oh no,
do you think we could be? How could we all? Wait?
Are those two executives still here? Hey, here's it's Jimmy?
(28:15):
Can I sorry? Can I get that side of brown
rice I asked for? I don't know why I didn't
even recognize them. Yeah, thank you. If we let's see
if we can take travelers checks, that'll let us know
what reality were? Oh yes, then then when no, it's
not real? All right? Um? You don't happen to have
travelers checks, do you? Uh? I don't typically. I mean
(28:42):
I could probably write a traveler's check out traveler checks.
It seems like a pretty real response. So the world,
this can't be a dream. I don't. I don't know
what what is? What can Hidie's mind create? Does she
create things? In this world? What is? Oh? Um? Sorry?
(29:04):
Did you want? Was that a tall Moca frappuccino? No whip?
Did you fall asleep while you were taking my word? Sorry?
I've been having tough sleeps and they're not restorative, and
I'm really really I'm really apologized. Please don't. I'm gonna
don't just drink coffee a coffee shop, right, yeah, because
(29:27):
that's like, well, I want to do. I'm here every day.
Um listen, you're going to get your frappuccino in the house,
and I really think for your patients, and I'm sorry.
Do you have a phone order for Connie and Randy?
Connie and Randy? Let me check where are the phone orders?
(29:47):
Are they usually? Please don't don't go behind this counter, please,
I feel like I will check. I know where they are.
You don't need to know. Once you go, this becomes complete.
Mayhe right? How do you wake up? Okay? Wait, I
don't want to scare you. There's blood all over your hands. Literally,
(30:10):
there's what I'm assuming is a human blood You've been
going to can't look. I will pass out. If you
pass out, You're gonna go back into another reality again.
And I can't lose you. Okay, you need to tell
me how deep? Okay, Well, I can't tell you that.
Only stag Lennian can. Oh fuck, oh my oh seen
(30:43):
three counts from listener Kevin, who wrote, Hello current guest host,
Greetings from Savannah, Georgia, first time, long time. Thank you
all so much for continuing to do this and bring
joy to so many. Kevin, You'll be pleased to hear
I do you suggest this show to everyone I meet
and I send them straight to Vanessa's dog with thumbs.
(31:06):
All right, anyways, scene suggestion. Southerners struggle to reset their
Apple accounts so they can leave you a review. Oh
and no cheating, James. Let's hear that sweet Southern accent.
Thanks again, Kevin ergo do you hear? Did you hear
(31:26):
the new thing on on the new Apple update? Not
what they got in? You can fucking review real fucking people,
real fucking people. I can review you as a person,
and then somebody else that they're interested in hiring you
or dating you or having you as a tenant. They
can look you up and see what I said. Well
(31:49):
I don't like that, Well, don't shoot the messenger. I'm
just I mean, I'm not I'm not angry at you.
It's just that sometimes you don't like my work. Play
like I'm a different person at work that amma in
friendly social situations. Oh you do say what category you
are reviewing them for? So don't you know I could
I could only review as a coworker. Oh my god,
(32:11):
you reviewed me. You've reviewed me. This is ridiculous. You
gotta change this review. You haven't even read it. It
could be good. Well, I've got like a three star rating.
This is crazy. If you're the only person that's oh
my god, there's a lot of reviews to me. I
got this phone automatically updated if they have it to
that setting, which most people do. Sorry, he's not the
(32:33):
only one in the zoom. Can can other ask some questions?
I need to reset my account or my head's gonna explode.
And I purposely asked to be in this zoom because
I heard you were the best at helping people with
Apple problems. This is a bit of an Apple genius
Zoom for those of you who are trying to learn
(32:56):
how do you nap top for the first time. I'll
read your review us and they are us. They didn't
say you were the best. They said you were good.
That's all I need. I need good? Hey, good game,
don't need good game? Yeah, I'd have thought it was
a good game if I hadn't been reading all these
reviews of you that says he was cheating. Look at
(33:19):
all these reviews of you, man, every one of these
reviews flag football fraud, Flag football fraud. It's like they
just all copied and pasted the same review accept it
as a different number exclamation points and the spellings a
little off sometimes. So that's how I know it ain't
just copying and pasted that a lot of people actually
thank it. How many years I've been playing with you? Huh?
(33:42):
How many years I've been playing flag football with you?
How many years of joy have I brought you? How
many years of cheating if you brought to us? Look,
it's like I don't even know I was having one
for years. And you know what, Now I'm looking at
all these reviews and I don't know which of friends
to trust. Uh. I wrote a review about you last
(34:05):
night before I was coming to the game. Let me,
let me, let me bullshit. Let me look, it's under friendship,
not occupation or other stuff. But we're co workers. Well
that's what I'm trying to tell you. Maybe you were
let me open. Hang on a second, Hang on a second.
(34:29):
You're telling me you want to be friends with me
and more than co workers, and you gave me half
a star. Keep reading m's half star because oh, room
for improvement. I think you have potential to be your friends.
So you gave me a half of star because I
(34:50):
didn't say I want to be your friend yet, right,
something think about mhm, open up at your name for Clint. Hey,
Hey Clint, how's it going. Hey? Um, I got a
notification that you you gave me three stars as a neighbor,
and uh, I just wanted to say, um, well, you
(35:14):
could say anything, Clint. I mean I felt you were
a three star neighbor. But if you do or say
something to change my mind, I could write a new review.
I stand by what I wrote. Weirdly, like my gut
response was like, man, I'd rather be a one star
or a five star neighbor. You didn't want to be
(35:35):
down the middle. Yeah, I get it. And then I
was like, well three stars, I mean that it's not bad.
Well great, I'll tell you the truth. It was just
that tractor thing. You know, I needed it, you weren't
using it. It just didn't make any sense. I don't
load my tractor out now. Clearly I learned that the
hard way. And uh, I've got hospital receipts that I'd
(35:57):
like you to take a look at. But in the meantime,
if you want to boost that rating, maybe open up
your mind a little bit to people using your tractor
and need Right, But then I must have offset that
with you know that that Christmas party? That's true, that's
how you got from two back up to three. Yeah. Yeah,
(36:19):
I mean I think I went out of my way,
did you not? Yeah? I mean every all the appetizers
seem to come from your freezer, and uh, I know
that elk you are serving at the carving table is
at least from last winter. Okay, so what was this
(36:43):
three star rating? Legit? Because it feels like you got
but just mostly negative stuff. That were you rounding up? Well?
I went from a two up to a five because
uh I'm awful, awful uh uh happy to be also
the next door neighbor of your wife. So and then
(37:05):
that party, you know, it's sort of brought everything to
a three. Okay, so you're lumping me in with my wife.
You can also rate her separately, right, So this is
just socially, this is just this is you know, I
don't blame you, I blame Apple. You're breaking up with
(37:25):
me here, yeah, breaking up with me? Yeah, I'm breaking
up with you. It's all there. It's all there in
the review. Well, guess what you can play that? Wait
ship cast cast? Wait what do you I don't know.
(37:47):
I don't know what I'm doing. Oh no, you go, okay,
go down into your settings. Okay, yeah, and then it'll
you can screw dark mode. I don't want that. No,
turn it off dark then turn it off dark mode. Cat.
But look, okay, now scroll down. You can see it's
under fine. I don't want you you know what. I
don't need your help. I don't need your help. I
don't need your help anymore. Alright, my boyfriend, Then I
(38:09):
don't need your help. Then I don't need your help.
I can figure this out by myself. Alright, fine, fine,
then I'm gonna grab my phone. Such a conniving snake
in the grass as as you described me, I don't
know why you would want to help a kind of
and snake in the grass. Well, well, I look, I
may have written all that in a in a moment
of of anger. Yeah, but you know what. I stand
(38:31):
by it. I stand by my review. And you, for
a second I thought you were about to take it back,
and then you doubled down. And here's what I want
to know. This is what this is your This is
your real work doing this review with people. This is
your real work. This is what you do over You
don't work. You never listen to me. You know what
(38:54):
rot it in your review? Then cast I'm trying fine,
got there so user friendly, and I find I'm finding
this very difficult to do. I guess I'm sorry. I
just don't. I don't have an Android phone, so I
can't get read it. I don't have an account. But
(39:14):
all my resume he says that I've got great work
history if you just consider the things on paper, right,
But you did come out with the fact that you
have an Android phone. Well that's just why I don't
have any you know, Apple readings. Oh you you don't
have a whole lot of things that the rest of
(39:35):
the world does. Apple Readings is just the tip of
the iceberg. If I could, like, um, let me think
it's some other stuff you don't have of Do you
have iTunes? No, I don't, But I just you know,
I just used other programs. And if you look at
(39:58):
the work that I did when I worked the zoo,
I was able to maintain everything in the properties there
and hold up, hold up, you worked at the zoo. Yeah,
I worked at the local zoo. I was a keeper
of animals and may just look up see if there's
a review on you working at the Well, you're not
gonna find that. I'm not. I don't have an Apple device. Yeah,
(40:18):
but somebody who didn't like or did like your work
could have written, oh, yeah, here you are, here you are.
Look at this four stars. That's that's better than I
thought i'd get out of ten. Oh wait a second,
I thought it was out of five. What's the here's
a sixth star review. Look at that. Well, that's better,
(40:41):
but it just says better than average. Huh that is
better than average? Well that's what the review said. Yeah,
I don't see why we would uh be in that
much trouble if you were a new employee here, for example,
have you hushed? That sounds great? Have you worked the
counter at a burger place before? I'm sure it's just
(41:03):
the same as working at any one of the cages
in a zoo. Yeah, but this one serves some very
special burgers, you know, like there's Kangaroo Burgers, there's Kuala
Bear Burger. Why are you throwing my meal at me?
Just handed handed to me from across the counter. I'm sorry,
(41:24):
I just thought that's how you wanted. Well, those are
your fries? Are you not order number? And here's your
coke on? I mean, is this because I'm not from
the South. No, I I didn't even know, honestly, I
was just I guess the accident. The accident doesn't doesn't
show that I'm not from the South. I don't hear
(41:46):
accidents that that quickly. I'm gathering it now. Or are
you from Minnesota? Yes, yes, very good, I'm from Minute.
I'm not from Minnesota. I currently live in Minnesota. I
get made fun of all the time there too. I
just have a stay entered neutral American accent. Oh all right, um,
well I'm really sorry. If you could just please now
(42:07):
do you how do you like it? That's the like
it at all? Two stars? No? No, no, police, don't
please don't. How how could I find you an Apple?
How could I find you an Apple? I don't know.
Only a couple of people have been able to do it. Uh.
I don't have an Apple account. That's maybe just I
don't have an Apple phone. I think it's just maybe
(42:30):
generic person at chop that is what I fall under.
Generic person. Okay, maybe it's default here you are two stars?
Oh please please don't do that. I'm gonna get fired. Well,
it's not my problem. You through fries in a burger
at me. I just do it like I'm told d D. Yeah.
(42:56):
In here, what I was, you know, looking at something
to a microscope. Wow, you're really bringing your hobbies to
the workplace. Your job here is to do one thing
and one thing only, and that is to clean the
porter potties. Okay, yeah, don't be bringing in your science.
(43:18):
I don't need that here. I was thinking, I was,
all right, you're right. I don't pay you to think
you're I pay you to clean clean boop. Excuse me.
I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding. I've never
cleaned a Porter party in my life, but I'm talking
to you too, me yep, So there's no misunderstanding here.
(43:43):
I don't make misunderstandings. Now. You've never done it, but
you've done a piss poor job, and that's saying something
about Porter potties, now you, sir, ponytail Yeah, joining grave
reviews on the app products really incredible. Everyone says that
they loved your work back in the day and that
(44:05):
they still love it. Now. Wait a second, I'm supposed
to be in London right now. How am I at
a porta party corporate office? Somewhere in the deep Americans.
How many dicks do you have? My I've I've got seven? Honey,
wake up, honey? Like job that was terrified? Are you okay?
(44:34):
I've never seen you thrashed like that? Oh god, that
was crazy town, pulled pulled out my sweats, about my sweats?
Oh gosh? How many do I have? How many dicks
do I have? I mean it looks like several, but
it's just awfully big one. Oh thank god? Yeah? Yeah,
(44:54):
what do you mean? Thank god? What is that? Even?
You thought there was more than one dick down here? What? Look,
I don't know. I'm just a little okay your you
had multiple dicks in your dream? And was I in
fact involved in the dream? Yeah? Yeah, I beybe. You
were in the dream? Right? What was I doing? Um? Huh?
(45:18):
Why would you say? Um no, No, I'm trying to
because it was a weird dream, you know, just trying
to ye to place it. Um, anyway, I'm giving you
a girlfriend writing right now. Fine, I'm packing a bag
five stars? Was I packing a bag in the dream?
Because That's what I'm about to do? Okay, I'll say
(45:39):
where you're going? Um, you gave me how much wake up,
wake up, wake up. This is real, isn't it? This
is real? Wake up? Oh no, oh no, look I know.
(46:01):
I know. When you when we started dating, you thought
I was the football player, all right, and we we
were a couple for two years before that misunderstanding got
cleared up and I thought we worked through it. We did,
We did work through it, right. You moved to London
mm hmm, yeah, boy did I you know? And then
(46:24):
the wedding, which was the wedding mostly Oh god, we
got married. That was real, wasn't it. Yeah? That was real? Yeah, yes, yes,
it was too real. Your your family? Oh god, is
this how shallow? You are? A marshally? You're gonna You're
gonna leave me because I you weren't in my sex dream. No,
(46:45):
I'm gonna leave you because you've taken all of my
money and squandered it. You you have started writing an
email change I spend money to make money. Yeah, let's
go over your investments, how we Yeah, thank you for
meeting gathering here at this late hour. There's been a hack,
(47:08):
an internal hack at Apple Incorporated, where we all are,
where we all were. Well, it is possible, and the
worst of it is all of the personal ratings have
been wiped. Oh thank god, good for some of you,
bad for the others. Is there nothing that can be
(47:29):
done about there? Um, not that I know of. I
think we're just gonna have to start the fresh slate.
Everyone's gonna have to give reviews over again based on
the experiences they're having with the people on ours. I mean,
I got a cousin that does some hack and too,
and maybe he can reverse this situation. I don't know
that we just throw in the towel. Well we're not.
(47:51):
I mean, we're we're we're we were reusing the towel.
We're washing the towel. I'm gonna get rid of the Yeah,
cyber attack is serious. Is stuff. I get it. I
get it. And you must have spent a lot of
time working on this before you brought us in for
this big announcement. So I certainly don't mean to usurp
your authoritative position. I just think I got to offer
(48:14):
up some kind of suggestion here my brain's break. Well, yes,
did you have a question, Yeah, I gotta watch I
got a question. Oh sorry, who We both had our
hand up and we're sitting right next to each other,
So I didn't know. It's hard from a stage, it's
hard to tell who you're pointing at. I actually don't
have a question. It was just waving. Oh oh, I
(48:35):
did I have a question? But I was also kind
of waving, but my hand wasn't moving while I was waving.
So that's what anyway? Uh, what if we feel different
about a person than we did when we wrote the review,
do we gotta write the same review we wrote before?
We got to write a review based on how we
feel about that person. Now we're thinking based on a person.
(48:56):
How you feeling now? Two point Oh? Okay, I'm just
gonna wave hi. You see. Apple sees this as an
opportunity everybody for the world to be better. Hi. Hi.
If you were a five, continue to be a five
(49:18):
if you were too. You can see. I didn't know
that just waving was the choice we could take. Hi. Hi,
So go out into the world, make those new reviews
and made Jesus Christ bless us all. Why a second
did he say goodbye? Everybody's apple out? Whoa that thing? Yeah?
(49:45):
It's so cool because he makes a sound with his
mouth and then he does a thing with his hands.
I think this is a dream because that was that
was Steve Jobs. He's dead. Yeah, so who which one
of us is dreaming? Brain break? Brain break, brain break?
Not me? My dreams are way more fucked up. They
(50:09):
are I've been in the couple. I guess it must
be my dream. Oh ship, how do we check? How
do we find out? There must be a way to
find that? Which one? That seems extreme? You need to
wake him up from his dream. Okay, let's start with you.
(50:33):
I mean, what what if he what if dreaming is okay,
we're just shooting a person in the head for having
a dream. Maybe he's gotta Maybe it's life sucks and
dreaming is how he escapes. Maybe he lives in the
bottom of a border body. Oh god, Steve Jobs as
a pistol. Steve No, I feel like he's just Oh
(51:02):
he's fun. I think he's dancing now. This is clearly
Steve Jobs dream and I can't believe I'm in it. Stream.
Oh what a fuck up dream? Oh thank god, I'm
just alone here in the forest, the magical, magical forest.
(51:23):
Good morning, stags lately in Good morning, squirrelly. How did
you sleep? Oh fine, just fine? And you oh h
quite well? Actually, but I maybe got a little too
(51:43):
much rimm. Steve Jobs, Yes, yes, wait a minute, did
you have the same dream that is our show? Steve
John in the dream world shot aunt Lee? What was
(52:04):
aunt Lee's name? I just wrote Auntlee in my notes.
It seems so wrong. Thank you also very much for
being here. Let's start with Chris Alvarado. Chris, Oh, thank
you for having me so much fun. Love everybody. It's
(52:24):
fun to have people in the in the zoom with us.
Kind of cool. Were performing for somebody. I wonder if
he swings back around because he could jump back in,
but he won't be heard, right, Sorry, so wait till
after we finished this part. Sorry, Chris. Thankful, just thankful, thankful.
Gratitude to this guy. Thanks love that. Love you Jackie.
You want to gratitude to this guy. I love that. Yeah,
(52:49):
this has been so fun, What a great way to
spend the afternoon. And thank you, thank you. I'm gonna
throw some gratitude to the guy into into you guys
for having me right on and good luck finishing that script.
I'm excited to hear more about this. Yeah, James Eeney,
thank you for having me again. Uh and uh check
(53:11):
out the alchemy this on Reddit. It's it's called Alchemy Pod,
I believe is what it is and get that community going.
We've we've got a lot of people that chat there
and I think it's fun. Thank you for that. And James,
I apologize for not reading your script yet. It's just
the Eastern movie, doesn't you know, excite me as much
as it should. Craig Atkowski, thank you for being Uh.
(53:32):
There was no story selling trope uh more played out
or hackier than it was all a dream? Or was it?
And I will never get tired of doing it because
I love it so much. Yes, that is that is
so true on all accounts. Mark Gagliardi, Yes, thanks for
having me. I also would like to throw throw out
(53:53):
some gratitude to the sky, as much gratitude as as
I have in me to send out and to say
thank you guys. This is all always such a blast,
right on, right on. Let's thank our producer and engineer
the stars, Mr Doug Bane. Find folks that I heart media.
I'm Kevin Poll like your host, reminding you to please
(54:14):
be kind to each other. Uh, and thank you so
damn much for listening and continuing to tell everyone you've
ever met, and writing to us in all your supportive ways. Um. Yeah,
that's a message for today until next time. In a word,
Well, welcome back to another episode of Boy. Just send
your host Kevin poll yess that Kevin was, Yes, I
do think there are more variants coming. I just pray
that eat to every one of them is a damn
woods like that amcron. But I digress. Let's means shan't
we in no particular order. Let's quickly check in with
Chris Alvarado. First surf report, Captain A Red Holy smokes,
(00:27):
it's been beautiful out there. I've been having a really
good time. I had two friends that went to Costa
Rica on a surf trip and they learned some new techniques.
When they got back, they taught me those techniques and
I'm now putting them, uh to work, and it's great
surfing USA. Are you seeing Carla Kakowski out there? No,
but she's really funny on the surf text thread that
(00:49):
we have. Okay, yep, she's bringing the funny. Oh well,
I don't know why you keep asking for more. Hey,
there's Craig Couch cacao. Is there an item any particular
store that taught you every time you walk past it?
What are stores like? What? What do you have in
(01:16):
mind when you ask this question? Well, sometimes there's usually
an item or two at Costco. But I just didn't
know if you frequent in Costco, so I opened it
up to any particular store. But there's an item or
two at Costcos. I walked past. It'll go, man, I
really want to buy that. I really want to get that.
I guess I'm not a good capitalist because the occasions
(01:40):
when I go two stores, I know exactly what I
mean to get, I get it, and I get out. Yeah,
but that's probably the average pair. Look over there, it's
James Heeney, Jacko, Johnny Jim. Objectively speaking. What is the
most delicious meal that you can cook? Oh my god,
I am a fantastic cook. Um. I think it's probably
(02:05):
coconut curry, uh, with like mushrooms. And I typically when
i'm cooking, will either cook vegetarian or vegan. Um, so
my coconut curry is vegan. Thank you for that, and no,
thank you, and now please welcome back. I'm gonna bring
you some coconut curry. All right, you're gonna love it.
Please please welcome back. Jackie gonzalaz thruth to Jacqueline because
(02:29):
you hate it. What is something you started and it's
still nags that you would have finished. This is bad. Okay,
I like it when I accidentally get one. It's my
Christmas movie. It is done, but I need to now
(02:49):
like go and implement some notes. And I need to
do that, and it's taking me too long. So I
assume this is a Christmas movie you're watching and you
have notes for the studios that I'm watching that and
giving those a studio. Absolutely that I'm giving notes a studio.
You've made a Christmas movie and you need to finish it. Okay.
(03:11):
So I've written a Christmas movie and it is complete,
it is written and it and um, I have received
notes and I need to now implement those and that
is the process that is taking me too long. It's
taking me too long. It should have already been done,
(03:31):
like because they're not they're not crazy notes. It's not
like big shifts. It's they're easy to implement, and I
need to just do it. You just never liked homework.
You just never liked homework. Not great with homework. You
got me yep, And when you were creating, it didn't
feel like homework. But now you've got an assignment and yeah,
(03:54):
and it's like little things it's like not even like
a big thing where it's like it's fun to like
figure out. It's like, oh, like this one sentence, get
back into that groove harder, like okay, you know, get
back into that groove where you just want people to
see this movie and it's true I do. That's that's
(04:17):
the excitement. That's excitement energy you need to tap back into,
because that that'll get you to the finished line. Thank you,
and that'll be nine dollars and last, but no more
peanut Eminem's for you if you think at least it's
Mark Gagliardi weirdly weirdly comfortable and George's can you tell
us a secret about Disneyland please? Oh? Um, here's the thing.
(04:45):
All of those I probably shouldn't because I worked there
for so long. All those characters that you see walking
around in the park, Um have humans inside costume. They're
actually people, like human people inside the What you think
is Mickey and um Saradagan from Basil of Baker Street,
(05:10):
it's not actually them. It's it's actually And what about
when they're height challenged? Um, does that mean there's a
fourteen year old in there? No, there's there are there
are adults of all sizes in all of the different costumes.
I always pictured, you know, a sort of sweatshop labor.
(05:33):
I think though the Jimminy cricket is an actual cricket. Yeah,
and he has a he has one of those like
steering machines like the little robot in Men in Black.
Did I like that a lot? Yeah? I also like
it if it was played by the character Cricket from
the show Always Sunny in Philadelphia. All right, let's do it.
(05:53):
I'm sure all of our scene suggestions to gather from
your listener emails or from our patron v I p s.
You've heard me talk about it. If you want to
avoid all this and James, we should figure out a
way to also give them this bonus. If you're a
patron supporter, you don't have to listen to this diet tribe.
We will remove it for those listening anyways. Something to
work forward and and right to us. Also with more
(06:14):
suggestions like that it is difficult unless you enjoy the
editing process. Interesting, Jackie, that you find the homework of
all kinds. Uh the highest level of patron supporting the Alcomaniacs,
And we've got one of us joining us now in
the zoom. He's all the way from the Munich, Germany,
(06:37):
but he's in the zoom with us, And that, of
course is Nicholas Maker. We're thrilled to have had his
support all these years. And Nicholas, if you're anywhere near
your computer, just pop in real quick to say hello.
I see your cameras off, your micas off. You may
not even fact be watching you probably just that might.
Actually I just thought I'd do a really weird thing
(07:00):
and just have you creep in for for a nano second.
Uh say hello to all the uh people listening from
around the world. Please nice. That's not he's not he's
(07:21):
not being recorded for the zen cast. So the world's
only going to hear our reaction to us. So you
know how you can hear that is if you subscribe
to the Patroon support. Because of Zoom, video of this
will be available to patron supporters. So hardy horror and
I'm a dumb ship who filled in for yeah. Um
(07:43):
all right, So if you want to support, head on
over to patroon dot com slash alchemist if we'd love
to hear from you. Otherwise, you just want to write
to us with comments, questions, or a scene suggestion. Yeah,
we've got an email for you. Alchemy to email at
gmail dot comscomist See. Number one comes from listening to
Rebecca X, who wrote A little bird told me you
were looking for some email suggestions. Here it is a
(08:05):
day in the life of the guy who empties Porta potties. PS.
I've got my husband hooked. He laughed so hard he
cried the first time he listened. It was very satisfied. Thanks,
your loyal listener. Becks occupied. Uh sorry, I got to
clean I'm in You can't clean up on a time schedule, sir.
(08:30):
If you look up, you will see a little paper
with the missiles previous cleaners. I do see that on
the clipboard. Uh huh, yeah, I do see that. It's uh,
I don't need that much longer. It'll just take me
a second. What are you doing? And listen, it's none
of your business. What's happening in here? He just can't
open the door right now. Please keep it down, Keep
(08:52):
it down. I'm trying to make it. Yeah, that's right.
We're making love. No, we're having sandwiches. What we're having sandwiches?
It's the only quiet place for lunch on this work site.
Can that's disgusting? Minds a poll boy, if you must know.
And he's got himself a reuben. It's lunchtime where though, Yeah,
(09:15):
we're just having lunch. It's this. Look, it doesn't matter
why we're in here. We just don't lunch. Shame us,
don't lunch, shame us here, Lift me out, Lift me out?
Is there a third in there? God? God, no, i's
talking to us. There's a guy outside the door says
(09:36):
he has to clean. Oh shit, right, I'll go back down.
That's funny. What is the state of the room in there? What? Wisconsin?
What kind of question is this? Yeah? What is it dirty?
Is it needed? Oh? Full cleaning? Smell a it's a
porta potty. It's pretty gross. You're wanting wanted you could
(10:00):
come back later kind of thing. I want to hear
what your friend was gonna say. Oh yeah, go ahead, Tommy.
I don't know. I think it's more nefarious than that, Jeff.
I think it's more nefarious. I think he wanted us
to use our pen on his clipboard and just put
a check mark there that says he did come in
and clean this. When he goes. Here's what I was thinking.
If y'all got a pen in there, see, this is
what I was talking about. You can run my initials,
(10:22):
my initials j D. Johnny Damage. We just made j D.
We don't God now we know his name Damage, like
the Johnny Damage like alright, alright, well, how the mighty
have fallen? No? No, okay, now you can't get out? No, no,
you y'all can't wait. Are you trying to open the door?
Are you? Why are you Johnny Damage? Why are you
(10:43):
blocking the door? Listen? I didn't know. Anybody didn't know.
It's gonna have fans in here. So I don't feel safe.
I don't feel safe open the door. We were kidnapped
by Johnny Damage. Alright, why don't I join you for
one second? I dropped a shrimp. Goddamn it? All right, Hill,
it's me Hey, okay, So Johnny Damage. You were what
(11:05):
at one point, Tommy? What? Wow? Did you never read
a sports illustrated or eat out of a Wheati's box?
Neither continue you ever heard the word touchdown? Sure? I
was a cheerleader. Barry, Barry, You've you've heard of Johnny Damage? Right,
of course I've heard a Johnny Damage touchdown. All right, look, look,
(11:33):
look this has been nice and all. I gotta I
gotta move on to the next porta party. Um so
why don't I just do a quick little little whipe down?
Part of me, part of me, this is your captain speaking,
and it's going to be about probably one hour and
twenty seven minutes till touchdown. Until then, please enjoy the
(11:57):
in flight entertainment. And I am definitely a man and
not a female pilot. You here him here? Yeah? What
was that touchdown? Yeah? No he he was really laying
on the pedal with being a man not a woman.
(12:18):
Was there a confusion? Gonnaet? Back to my crossword part
of me? Wait a second? Are you? Did you ever
play in a band of music? You know, the frontman
for a group in the rounde? Nope, the ship does.
You're not You're not Johnny Damage. I am Johnny Damage.
(12:43):
Holy I never played music in my life. Oh no,
your name's Johnny Damage. Though. All right, this is this
this r bell touchdown? Fuck you did the commercials from
Monday Night football? God damn it. I think Mike that
(13:06):
there's been some misunderstanding. I am Johnny Damage, but I
don't play American football? So what you want me to
throw this this oblong thing for for this commercial? It
looks like we got our Johnny Damage is mixed up. Yeah, look,
(13:27):
it happens all that. It's like there's two Richard Sherman's,
one that plays football in one that writes Disney songs.
This is kind of like that, but uh, but way worse.
Because we hired you know what, We hired you for
the commercial, we might as well use you. Uh do
you know how to throw an American football? I mean,
(13:48):
I'll do my best. You know, this is kind of
on me not asking any follow up questions because this
has been a recurring thing in my life for thirty years,
you know, and all so also we look like you
do you do? You know what? In fact, we might
use that if we just lock that pony tail up
(14:09):
your head, people might think you were touchdown, Johnny Damage, Steve,
we can take that out and post. Don't worry about
that pony down. We don't even have to cut it
off his head. That's called the magic of showbies. Look
at that, Johnny Damage. We're gonna how's your how's your
American accent? Can you sound like an American football player.
(14:30):
We can also dub him Steve. We can dub him.
It's good to have that option. But I would like
can I get Can I at least give it a
try as you Johnny Damage as musician Johnny Damage. I
do have an air the mimicry. Al right, I really
quick put these ping pong balls down and we can
(14:51):
just map that while he does the actions will put
the other Johnny Damage on top and post amazing what
we can do now. But well, let's give him his shots.
So we think it sounds like you don't name me
at all. Look, look we hired you. Please keep your
seatbelts buckled. We're going to hit a bit of turbulence.
(15:13):
Should last fifteen minutes, and I've got used list. It's
in a big old slaw. What what are you off there?
You off the mic? Yeah? Yeah, I'm off the mic. Okay,
why can't you just be of the female captain that
you are? People aren't used to it. People are used
(15:33):
to hearing a man. People are used to having a
man pilot they're playing. They're just not used to it.
Why don't I jump on as your copilot and vounce
for you and say you're the head pilot. No, I
don't like that at all. That makes me feel low.
That makes me feel low. You're pretending to be someone
something you're not. I'm harnessing a different power within me,
(15:55):
is how I like to see it. You just ended
that last situation by saying schalong, a big old schlong. Okay,
see and listen, coming from a man we don't even.
I don't say that really, I wouldn't want to call
it anything else. I'm saying, I don't refer to it.
You don't really what if you have an itch I've
(16:17):
got an itchy, I mean on the mic, I've got
an itchy. And then what are you gonna say? I
don't tell it. I don't annown. I don't announce that
it cock. That sounds well, that sounds fed up. That's
what you see. That sounds sucked up. Okay you're yes,
that sounds like, Oh no, I've got an itchy prick.
(16:37):
That's too much. That's hard. Do you think they know
their microphone s No? I clearly think. I don't think
they do. That is just an itchy cock. I mean,
I find it fascinating that we get that's embarrassing. It's
embarrassing as boy is. Wait a second, how do I
know that voice? Look behind us, look mind and tell
me if it looks like a British person with a ponytail.
(17:02):
I mean it does. It looks like a pretty shouldn't
I shouldn't have weighed in. I shouldn't have weighed in.
But I mean it's so distracting that that that Marx
is still on and they're still talking. I mean, it's
I had to pilot one O one. Oh my god,
it's Johnny Damage, I say, I say, honey, I've got
itchy we And how does your wife feel about that?
(17:23):
We haven't slept together in years? We're getting a lot
of information. This is so great. I'm Johnny Damage without
the H, without the H. The other guy spells it
with an H. But yeah, oh age And and why
a second? White a second? It's you your motherfuckeren one
(17:57):
two and the mho wrote Seen suggestions two versions trying
to have sex? Thanks and take care? So do you? Um?
Do you like your dessert? Did you want me to
get the check? How do you wanna do this? I'm well,
(18:21):
I guess we'll get the check, right, Okay, okay, I'll
be right back with that. Thank you, sir. I just
didn't know if you were done eating or wanted to
as we had suggested. Maybe go back to your place.
I don't know. My mom has been hounded me about
moving out since. But it's late enough. Maybe she's in bed.
(18:45):
Maybe you can come back. Okay, right, Hey Steve, did
you bring the check over to the table too? Uh?
They they just asked for it having No. I was
coming over here because I know I heard playing Are
you playing? I heard about tonight? I heard tonight is
gonna be the looking night for you. Oh come on,
come on, what do you mean you heard everyone's talking
(19:08):
about it. All the cooks are saying he's gonna lose
his virginity tonight. You stop that. When you stop that,
they are, I mean, all I want to say is
give me one second. All I want to say is,
if you need any point, move the ace. No, you
cut you you just put the ace down. It's there, Okay, great? Nice?
That was nice. You give me a pointer if you winter,
you let me know I'm not looking for I'm not
(19:30):
losing my virginity tonight. I will never lose my virginity,
swore up. I would never lose my virginity, bad things
will happen. You don't know the hell mouth that will
open up if I lose my virginity. You don't know
the hell mouth that will open up when you start
to Is that a euphemism? Is hell mouth? The euphemism
doesn't sound pleasant. Want your partners to do a hell
(19:51):
mouth on you? You can? I please print this check.
I think these two are gonna go fuck as soon
as I okay, well, they're probably not virgins. I don't know.
Should I ask? Yes, Okay, give me the check. Okay,
here's your check, and thank you, thank you. Let me
get this. Oh no, okay, okay, can I get this?
(20:13):
Do you do you take travelers checks? I mean we
used to. I don't. I don't know if we do anymore.
Could you check because I would have travelers checks. I'd
love to you. Sure, I'll go check. Thank you. He's
kind of handsome, Yeah, I think so. I wonder maybe
he'll come back with us tonight. Really, you're okay, it's
(20:35):
got to be in bed by now. It's like, okay
by the time we get there, and I gotta tell you,
you're you're so uh cock freezing with this mention of
your mom every nine mint words? Does it bother you
that I still live with her? Only when you talk
about it incessantly? Okay, okay, I'll stop. Yeah, hey, sorry,
(20:57):
I had to go to after the managers this upstairs.
We actually don't take travelers checks anymore, not since um
not since the new location opened our system. I don't
That's all I had was trapper jacks. I'm sorry. It's
so insisted on getting the check and then I'm not
allowed to. That's weird. Do you guys take venemole? Let
(21:22):
me go ask? Could you check? Hey? Baby? You awake? What? Oh? Sorry,
I'm sorry, I just don't know if you're awake or
I just got back from the restaurant. Oh my god,
you scared me. I'm so sorry. You really scared me.
I was in the middle of something. Tips tonight, huh what? Sorry?
(21:46):
Made some good? Why are you so sweaty? Tips tonight? Nothing?
I don't know what tips? And that? What? That was
so such a weird way to say that it's hot.
I was sweating in Were you having a sex dream? Heidi?
Was it with me? You say they're Oh, they're usually
(22:09):
with me? Yes? And this one wasn't with another man. Okay,
it I don't know if I want to count it
as a sex dream, you know what I mean? Like
it felt, It felt a certain way, but the action
wasn't the same. But the feeling was the same, but
(22:32):
the action was very different. Your arms all fell back asleep.
Come deeper into the forest. Ah Um, huh, Okay, go
to sleep. I'll talk in the morning. Yeah. Go hold
on to my antlers and ride me. Heidi, I've got
to go. I thought I would lose you. This is
(22:56):
so great. No, no, You'll always have me. Let me
gallop throughout the forest stagnan, Yes, I am stag Linian.
This is the best. Can I just say you taking
me through the forest and then and then huffing in
(23:18):
the waters at the river. Okay, hold on, jad can
you stop the projector place? I thought this was a
Christmas movie? What the funk am I watching? She's writing Reindeer,
it's not Christmas season quite yet. In the movie. Later on,
it's like it's like it's like you said this was
a comedy. You said it was very funny, very funny
(23:40):
Christmas movie. And now it's done done. Is this still
part of your dream? Yeah, that's weird. It's actually it's
really weird. It's really weird because now before I was
in a fantasy land and now I'm in a reality nightmare.
(24:00):
But you're conscious of the fact that you're dreaming, meaning
you can control your dreams. I'm finally listen. It's a lucid.
Lucid is the word I was looking for. I'm a
I'm a magical stag. I don't I don't know every
human word. What am I doing here? Baby? Oh no, no,
this could be good. I know that I've spoken Jesus.
(24:24):
The Stagnolion's got a huge long Yeah, well he's got
a few. The other ones are hiding. Oh, it's a
magical space in here, in the forest of my mind.
And this is the These are the Hollywood executives who
are making the movie. What's happening? I don't know. I
(24:48):
feel like I'm on the verge of losing my dream job.
Here it's gonna be a Christmas movie in just a second. Well,
it's not your dream job, it's her dream job. Oh oh,
it's the you're I've got your dream shop. Well I
was just using dream Maybe it's not translating because I'm
I'm a magical stag. I shouldn't make puns. Is there
(25:11):
any way you can bring Josh from the restaurant in here? Oh? Whoa, guys,
what is happening listening? I mean, this guy can't get
over you, he can't get enough. Finally a love interest
I can bank on. Yeah. Also, this is Stagnalian Stagnellion.
(25:32):
This is Josh. Yeah. Hey, wow, stag stag Lanion. I'm
bringing them all out now. Oh god, please don't. I've
never oh god, I've never seen anyone naked but myself.
Jo and I just squeeze in real quick. Timmy Stimpson,
I'm with the Warner Brothers. Were watching a screening of
(25:55):
this Christmas movie, and I just want to say, now
that you're in it, I'm much more interested. I like
what I'm seeing, so please please stick around. How about
that you're seeing it with star power. Maybe you revert
back to the original version, because I feel like the
notes got a little out of hand and then it
turned something other. Yeah, I gotta go. I gotta get
(26:19):
back with those two guys from Table for ten, which rewrite.
Did you have a problem was exactly? I had a
problem with the one that turned it into more of
a suspenseful a witch hunt with an element of core. Sure, sure,
(26:40):
have you seen a lot of Christmas movies? Just forgive
the question if it's two on the nose. Yeah, yeah,
well you've never seen one with a suspense element or
a soft core m We're trying to get ahead of it.
What happened to all my penises? Hey? Hey, Josh, how
(27:06):
was your how's your night last night? Um? Jack? Okay?
It was. I mean, I think you know about part
of it. I didn't know if that was like a
really thing that was really happening. Yeah. Man, I finally
I finally thought I was going to have a moment,
you know, I thought it was finally going to lose
(27:29):
my virginity to those two very nice people from that table,
and I was whisked away to god knows what several
layers of inception were happening at once. It felt like, say,
table table for one please, Oh my god, Josh stacklinean, Yes,
(27:53):
Oh my god, was that real? That was real? What
are you? What are you doing in our world? That
was real? What do you mean that our world just
coming out to lunch? Maybe hide is still sleepy, Maybe
we're still in the forest of her mind? Oh no,
do you think we could be? How could we all? Wait?
Are those two executives still here? Hey, here's it's Jimmy?
(28:15):
Can I sorry? Can I get that side of brown
rice I asked for? I don't know why I didn't
even recognize them. Yeah, thank you. If we let's see
if we can take travelers checks, that'll let us know
what reality were? Oh yes, then then when no, it's
not real? All right? Um? You don't happen to have
travelers checks, do you? Uh? I don't typically. I mean
(28:42):
I could probably write a traveler's check out traveler checks.
It seems like a pretty real response. So the world,
this can't be a dream. I don't. I don't know
what what is? What can Hidie's mind create? Does she
create things? In this world? What is? Oh? Um? Sorry?
(29:04):
Did you want? Was that a tall Moca frappuccino? No whip?
Did you fall asleep while you were taking my word? Sorry?
I've been having tough sleeps and they're not restorative, and
I'm really really I'm really apologized. Please don't. I'm gonna
don't just drink coffee a coffee shop, right, yeah, because
(29:27):
that's like, well, I want to do. I'm here every day.
Um listen, you're going to get your frappuccino in the house,
and I really think for your patients, and I'm sorry.
Do you have a phone order for Connie and Randy?
Connie and Randy? Let me check where are the phone orders?
(29:47):
Are they usually? Please don't don't go behind this counter, please,
I feel like I will check. I know where they are.
You don't need to know. Once you go, this becomes complete.
Mayhe right? How do you wake up? Okay? Wait, I
don't want to scare you. There's blood all over your hands. Literally,
(30:10):
there's what I'm assuming is a human blood You've been
going to can't look. I will pass out. If you
pass out, You're gonna go back into another reality again.
And I can't lose you. Okay, you need to tell
me how deep? Okay, Well, I can't tell you that.
Only stag Lennian can. Oh fuck, oh my oh seen
(30:43):
three counts from listener Kevin, who wrote, Hello current guest host,
Greetings from Savannah, Georgia, first time, long time. Thank you
all so much for continuing to do this and bring
joy to so many. Kevin, You'll be pleased to hear
I do you suggest this show to everyone I meet
and I send them straight to Vanessa's dog with thumbs.
(31:06):
All right, anyways, scene suggestion. Southerners struggle to reset their
Apple accounts so they can leave you a review. Oh
and no cheating, James. Let's hear that sweet Southern accent.
Thanks again, Kevin ergo do you hear? Did you hear
(31:26):
the new thing on on the new Apple update? Not
what they got in? You can fucking review real fucking people,
real fucking people. I can review you as a person,
and then somebody else that they're interested in hiring you
or dating you or having you as a tenant. They
can look you up and see what I said. Well
(31:49):
I don't like that, Well, don't shoot the messenger. I'm
just I mean, I'm not I'm not angry at you.
It's just that sometimes you don't like my work. Play
like I'm a different person at work that amma in
friendly social situations. Oh you do say what category you
are reviewing them for? So don't you know I could
I could only review as a coworker. Oh my god,
(32:11):
you reviewed me. You've reviewed me. This is ridiculous. You
gotta change this review. You haven't even read it. It
could be good. Well, I've got like a three star rating.
This is crazy. If you're the only person that's oh
my god, there's a lot of reviews to me. I
got this phone automatically updated if they have it to
that setting, which most people do. Sorry, he's not the
(32:33):
only one in the zoom. Can can other ask some questions?
I need to reset my account or my head's gonna explode.
And I purposely asked to be in this zoom because
I heard you were the best at helping people with
Apple problems. This is a bit of an Apple genius
Zoom for those of you who are trying to learn
(32:56):
how do you nap top for the first time. I'll
read your review us and they are us. They didn't
say you were the best. They said you were good.
That's all I need. I need good? Hey, good game,
don't need good game? Yeah, I'd have thought it was
a good game if I hadn't been reading all these
reviews of you that says he was cheating. Look at
(33:19):
all these reviews of you, man, every one of these
reviews flag football fraud, Flag football fraud. It's like they
just all copied and pasted the same review accept it
as a different number exclamation points and the spellings a
little off sometimes. So that's how I know it ain't
just copying and pasted that a lot of people actually
thank it. How many years I've been playing with you? Huh?
(33:42):
How many years I've been playing flag football with you?
How many years of joy have I brought you? How
many years of cheating if you brought to us? Look,
it's like I don't even know I was having one
for years. And you know what, Now I'm looking at
all these reviews and I don't know which of friends
to trust. Uh. I wrote a review about you last
(34:05):
night before I was coming to the game. Let me,
let me, let me bullshit. Let me look, it's under friendship,
not occupation or other stuff. But we're co workers. Well
that's what I'm trying to tell you. Maybe you were
let me open. Hang on a second, Hang on a second.
(34:29):
You're telling me you want to be friends with me
and more than co workers, and you gave me half
a star. Keep reading m's half star because oh, room
for improvement. I think you have potential to be your friends.
So you gave me a half of star because I
(34:50):
didn't say I want to be your friend yet, right,
something think about mhm, open up at your name for Clint. Hey,
Hey Clint, how's it going. Hey? Um, I got a
notification that you you gave me three stars as a neighbor,
and uh, I just wanted to say, um, well, you
(35:14):
could say anything, Clint. I mean I felt you were
a three star neighbor. But if you do or say
something to change my mind, I could write a new review.
I stand by what I wrote. Weirdly, like my gut
response was like, man, I'd rather be a one star
or a five star neighbor. You didn't want to be
(35:35):
down the middle. Yeah, I get it. And then I
was like, well three stars, I mean that it's not bad.
Well great, I'll tell you the truth. It was just
that tractor thing. You know, I needed it, you weren't
using it. It just didn't make any sense. I don't
load my tractor out now. Clearly I learned that the
hard way. And uh, I've got hospital receipts that I'd
(35:57):
like you to take a look at. But in the meantime,
if you want to boost that rating, maybe open up
your mind a little bit to people using your tractor
and need Right, But then I must have offset that
with you know that that Christmas party? That's true, that's
how you got from two back up to three. Yeah. Yeah,
(36:19):
I mean I think I went out of my way,
did you not? Yeah? I mean every all the appetizers
seem to come from your freezer, and uh, I know
that elk you are serving at the carving table is
at least from last winter. Okay, so what was this
(36:43):
three star rating? Legit? Because it feels like you got
but just mostly negative stuff. That were you rounding up? Well?
I went from a two up to a five because
uh I'm awful, awful uh uh happy to be also
the next door neighbor of your wife. So and then
(37:05):
that party, you know, it's sort of brought everything to
a three. Okay, so you're lumping me in with my wife.
You can also rate her separately, right, So this is
just socially, this is just this is you know, I
don't blame you, I blame Apple. You're breaking up with
(37:25):
me here, yeah, breaking up with me? Yeah, I'm breaking
up with you. It's all there. It's all there in
the review. Well, guess what you can play that? Wait
ship cast cast? Wait what do you I don't know.
(37:47):
I don't know what I'm doing. Oh no, you go, okay,
go down into your settings. Okay, yeah, and then it'll
you can screw dark mode. I don't want that. No,
turn it off dark then turn it off dark mode. Cat.
But look, okay, now scroll down. You can see it's
under fine. I don't want you you know what. I
don't need your help. I don't need your help. I
don't need your help anymore. Alright, my boyfriend, Then I
(38:09):
don't need your help. Then I don't need your help.
I can figure this out by myself. Alright, fine, fine,
then I'm gonna grab my phone. Such a conniving snake
in the grass as as you described me, I don't
know why you would want to help a kind of
and snake in the grass. Well, well, I look, I
may have written all that in a in a moment
of of anger. Yeah, but you know what. I stand
(38:31):
by it. I stand by my review. And you, for
a second I thought you were about to take it back,
and then you doubled down. And here's what I want
to know. This is what this is your This is
your real work doing this review with people. This is
your real work. This is what you do over You
don't work. You never listen to me. You know what
(38:54):
rot it in your review? Then cast I'm trying fine,
got there so user friendly, and I find I'm finding
this very difficult to do. I guess I'm sorry. I
just don't. I don't have an Android phone, so I
can't get read it. I don't have an account. But
(39:14):
all my resume he says that I've got great work
history if you just consider the things on paper, right,
But you did come out with the fact that you
have an Android phone. Well that's just why I don't
have any you know, Apple readings. Oh you you don't
have a whole lot of things that the rest of
(39:35):
the world does. Apple Readings is just the tip of
the iceberg. If I could, like, um, let me think
it's some other stuff you don't have of Do you
have iTunes? No, I don't, But I just you know,
I just used other programs. And if you look at
(39:58):
the work that I did when I worked the zoo,
I was able to maintain everything in the properties there
and hold up, hold up, you worked at the zoo. Yeah,
I worked at the local zoo. I was a keeper
of animals and may just look up see if there's
a review on you working at the Well, you're not
gonna find that. I'm not. I don't have an Apple device. Yeah,
(40:18):
but somebody who didn't like or did like your work
could have written, oh, yeah, here you are, here you are.
Look at this four stars. That's that's better than I
thought i'd get out of ten. Oh wait a second,
I thought it was out of five. What's the here's
a sixth star review. Look at that. Well, that's better,
(40:41):
but it just says better than average. Huh that is
better than average? Well that's what the review said. Yeah,
I don't see why we would uh be in that
much trouble if you were a new employee here, for example,
have you hushed? That sounds great? Have you worked the
counter at a burger place before? I'm sure it's just
(41:03):
the same as working at any one of the cages
in a zoo. Yeah, but this one serves some very
special burgers, you know, like there's Kangaroo Burgers, there's Kuala
Bear Burger. Why are you throwing my meal at me?
Just handed handed to me from across the counter. I'm sorry,
(41:24):
I just thought that's how you wanted. Well, those are
your fries? Are you not order number? And here's your
coke on? I mean, is this because I'm not from
the South. No, I I didn't even know, honestly, I
was just I guess the accident. The accident doesn't doesn't
show that I'm not from the South. I don't hear
(41:46):
accidents that that quickly. I'm gathering it now. Or are
you from Minnesota? Yes, yes, very good, I'm from Minute.
I'm not from Minnesota. I currently live in Minnesota. I
get made fun of all the time there too. I
just have a stay entered neutral American accent. Oh all right, um,
well I'm really sorry. If you could just please now
(42:07):
do you how do you like it? That's the like
it at all? Two stars? No? No, no, police, don't
please don't. How how could I find you an Apple?
How could I find you an Apple? I don't know.
Only a couple of people have been able to do it. Uh.
I don't have an Apple account. That's maybe just I
don't have an Apple phone. I think it's just maybe
(42:30):
generic person at chop that is what I fall under.
Generic person. Okay, maybe it's default here you are two stars?
Oh please please don't do that. I'm gonna get fired. Well,
it's not my problem. You through fries in a burger
at me. I just do it like I'm told d D. Yeah.
(42:56):
In here, what I was, you know, looking at something
to a microscope. Wow, you're really bringing your hobbies to
the workplace. Your job here is to do one thing
and one thing only, and that is to clean the
porter potties. Okay, yeah, don't be bringing in your science.
(43:18):
I don't need that here. I was thinking, I was,
all right, you're right. I don't pay you to think
you're I pay you to clean clean boop. Excuse me.
I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding. I've never
cleaned a Porter party in my life, but I'm talking
to you too, me yep, So there's no misunderstanding here.
(43:43):
I don't make misunderstandings. Now. You've never done it, but
you've done a piss poor job, and that's saying something
about Porter potties, now you, sir, ponytail Yeah, joining grave
reviews on the app products really incredible. Everyone says that
they loved your work back in the day and that
(44:05):
they still love it. Now. Wait a second, I'm supposed
to be in London right now. How am I at
a porta party corporate office? Somewhere in the deep Americans.
How many dicks do you have? My I've I've got seven? Honey,
wake up, honey? Like job that was terrified? Are you okay?
(44:34):
I've never seen you thrashed like that? Oh god, that
was crazy town, pulled pulled out my sweats, about my sweats?
Oh gosh? How many do I have? How many dicks
do I have? I mean it looks like several, but
it's just awfully big one. Oh thank god? Yeah? Yeah,
(44:54):
what do you mean? Thank god? What is that? Even?
You thought there was more than one dick down here? What? Look,
I don't know. I'm just a little okay your you
had multiple dicks in your dream? And was I in
fact involved in the dream? Yeah? Yeah, I beybe. You
were in the dream? Right? What was I doing? Um? Huh?
(45:18):
Why would you say? Um no, No, I'm trying to
because it was a weird dream, you know, just trying
to ye to place it. Um, anyway, I'm giving you
a girlfriend writing right now. Fine, I'm packing a bag
five stars? Was I packing a bag in the dream?
Because That's what I'm about to do? Okay, I'll say
(45:39):
where you're going? Um, you gave me how much wake up,
wake up, wake up. This is real, isn't it? This
is real? Wake up? Oh no, oh no, look I know.
(46:01):
I know. When you when we started dating, you thought
I was the football player, all right, and we we
were a couple for two years before that misunderstanding got
cleared up and I thought we worked through it. We did,
We did work through it, right. You moved to London
mm hmm, yeah, boy did I you know? And then
(46:24):
the wedding, which was the wedding mostly Oh god, we
got married. That was real, wasn't it. Yeah? That was real? Yeah, yes, yes,
it was too real. Your your family? Oh god, is
this how shallow? You are? A marshally? You're gonna You're
gonna leave me because I you weren't in my sex dream. No,
(46:45):
I'm gonna leave you because you've taken all of my
money and squandered it. You you have started writing an
email change I spend money to make money. Yeah, let's
go over your investments, how we Yeah, thank you for
meeting gathering here at this late hour. There's been a hack,
(47:08):
an internal hack at Apple Incorporated, where we all are,
where we all were. Well, it is possible, and the
worst of it is all of the personal ratings have
been wiped. Oh thank god, good for some of you,
bad for the others. Is there nothing that can be
(47:29):
done about there? Um, not that I know of. I
think we're just gonna have to start the fresh slate.
Everyone's gonna have to give reviews over again based on
the experiences they're having with the people on ours. I mean,
I got a cousin that does some hack and too,
and maybe he can reverse this situation. I don't know
that we just throw in the towel. Well we're not.
(47:51):
I mean, we're we're we're we were reusing the towel.
We're washing the towel. I'm gonna get rid of the Yeah,
cyber attack is serious. Is stuff. I get it. I
get it. And you must have spent a lot of
time working on this before you brought us in for
this big announcement. So I certainly don't mean to usurp
your authoritative position. I just think I got to offer
(48:14):
up some kind of suggestion here my brain's break. Well, yes,
did you have a question, Yeah, I gotta watch I
got a question. Oh sorry, who We both had our
hand up and we're sitting right next to each other,
So I didn't know. It's hard from a stage, it's
hard to tell who you're pointing at. I actually don't
have a question. It was just waving. Oh oh, I
(48:35):
did I have a question? But I was also kind
of waving, but my hand wasn't moving while I was waving.
So that's what anyway? Uh, what if we feel different
about a person than we did when we wrote the review,
do we gotta write the same review we wrote before?
We got to write a review based on how we
feel about that person. Now we're thinking based on a person.
(48:56):
How you feeling now? Two point Oh? Okay, I'm just
gonna wave hi. You see. Apple sees this as an
opportunity everybody for the world to be better. Hi. Hi.
If you were a five, continue to be a five
(49:18):
if you were too. You can see. I didn't know
that just waving was the choice we could take. Hi. Hi,
So go out into the world, make those new reviews
and made Jesus Christ bless us all. Why a second
did he say goodbye? Everybody's apple out? Whoa that thing? Yeah?
(49:45):
It's so cool because he makes a sound with his
mouth and then he does a thing with his hands.
I think this is a dream because that was that
was Steve Jobs. He's dead. Yeah, so who which one
of us is dreaming? Brain break? Brain break, brain break?
Not me? My dreams are way more fucked up. They
(50:09):
are I've been in the couple. I guess it must
be my dream. Oh ship, how do we check? How
do we find out? There must be a way to
find that? Which one? That seems extreme? You need to
wake him up from his dream. Okay, let's start with you.
(50:33):
I mean, what what if he what if dreaming is okay,
we're just shooting a person in the head for having
a dream. Maybe he's gotta Maybe it's life sucks and
dreaming is how he escapes. Maybe he lives in the
bottom of a border body. Oh god, Steve Jobs as
a pistol. Steve No, I feel like he's just Oh
(51:02):
he's fun. I think he's dancing now. This is clearly
Steve Jobs dream and I can't believe I'm in it. Stream.
Oh what a fuck up dream? Oh thank god, I'm
just alone here in the forest, the magical, magical forest.
(51:23):
Good morning, stags lately in Good morning, squirrelly. How did
you sleep? Oh fine, just fine? And you oh h
quite well? Actually, but I maybe got a little too
(51:43):
much rimm. Steve Jobs, Yes, yes, wait a minute, did
you have the same dream that is our show? Steve
John in the dream world shot aunt Lee? What was
(52:04):
aunt Lee's name? I just wrote Auntlee in my notes.
It seems so wrong. Thank you also very much for
being here. Let's start with Chris Alvarado. Chris, Oh, thank
you for having me so much fun. Love everybody. It's
(52:24):
fun to have people in the in the zoom with us.
Kind of cool. Were performing for somebody. I wonder if
he swings back around because he could jump back in,
but he won't be heard, right, Sorry, so wait till
after we finished this part. Sorry, Chris. Thankful, just thankful, thankful.
Gratitude to this guy. Thanks love that. Love you Jackie.
You want to gratitude to this guy. I love that. Yeah,
(52:49):
this has been so fun, What a great way to
spend the afternoon. And thank you, thank you. I'm gonna
throw some gratitude to the guy into into you guys
for having me right on and good luck finishing that script.
I'm excited to hear more about this. Yeah, James Eeney,
thank you for having me again. Uh and uh check
(53:11):
out the alchemy this on Reddit. It's it's called Alchemy Pod,
I believe is what it is and get that community going.
We've we've got a lot of people that chat there
and I think it's fun. Thank you for that. And James,
I apologize for not reading your script yet. It's just
the Eastern movie, doesn't you know, excite me as much
as it should. Craig Atkowski, thank you for being Uh.
(53:32):
There was no story selling trope uh more played out
or hackier than it was all a dream? Or was it?
And I will never get tired of doing it because
I love it so much. Yes, that is that is
so true on all accounts. Mark Gagliardi, Yes, thanks for
having me. I also would like to throw throw out
(53:53):
some gratitude to the sky, as much gratitude as as
I have in me to send out and to say
thank you guys. This is all always such a blast,
right on, right on. Let's thank our producer and engineer
the stars, Mr Doug Bane. Find folks that I heart media.
I'm Kevin Poll like your host, reminding you to please
(54:14):
be kind to each other. Uh, and thank you so
damn much for listening and continuing to tell everyone you've
ever met, and writing to us in all your supportive ways. Um. Yeah,
that's a message for today until next time. In a word,
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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