A couple of wolves lead a Harp Seal, some birds and other four-legs migrating north through the dead of winter… Forget snakes, the people on this flight, while super pleasant, are considerably more dangerous… Father welcomes dimwits, nudniks and near-do-wells to from all walks to the commune…
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This. I'm your host,
Kevin Pollock, guest. That Kevin Pollock was that? Yes, it
was all delicious, especially the soup. Didn't know lizard toads
could be so yummy. But I digress. Dear Red Hots
and Tater Talks, I'd like to welcome you to another
episode of Alchemy. This. Let's meet our alchemist today, shall
we in no particular order to say hello to Greigkowski cocaw?
(00:24):
How happy are you to be back in the phone?
Let's fourteen? Okay on a scale of yeah. Why there's
christoph erandos was Christmas? When traveling east on Peka? Do
you ever wish you were on Olympic? Yeah? Yeah, right high.
It's returning guest Alchemists Amanda Blake Davis Commander, Amander. What
(00:45):
does seven eleven mean to you? The world? Correct continuum? Hey,
there's Vanessa Ragland Venete. Does any part of you miss
Joey Greer today? Which part my face? Yeah? And last,
but may your drawer smell of herring if you think
him least? Mr James Heeny jaw dropping Hayman, Uh, describe
(01:07):
your perfect morning? Perfect morning? I wake up at eight
am and don't feel tired. Coffee is already ice and fridge,
and there's silence all about me. Silence. Well then I
make them noise, but it starts with silence because I
live next to construction that has been going on for
six years, and it begins. They are allowed to start
(01:27):
at seven a m. Are they building a weapon? To end?
They're building a house across the street. Now, they did
build above my house, next to my house there, it's
just Venice, you know, Venice, Italy. Yeah, I do know.
All right, let's get to our first scene, showering. All
today's scene suggestions were gathered from our listener mails. If
you'd like to submit yours, please write to the podcast
at your name here at alchemy this dot com. I'm
gonna repeat that your name here at alchemy this dot com.
(01:52):
Our first scene comes from Trey, who wrote, Hey, guys,
thanks for making me laugh my head off for hours.
Way up here in Alaska. I'm working the oil fields
in the Arctic tundra and have been telling all my
coworkers to listen to the show. Hey co workers, Hey Trey,
thanks for keeping morale up and bringing lots of joy
to a pretty harsh environment. The animals here have these
(02:13):
massive world rebound seasonal migrations. Wow. Uh, And I thought
it could be a great topic if the crew were
migratory animals who had somehow got lost and we're trying
to find their way. I have fun, guys. Thanks for
keeping us all entertained up here, Trey Milner, Thank you, Trey. Oh,
(02:38):
I think you took us the wrong way. This is
not warmer. What makes you say that? I could see
my breath all right, you're gonna say your breath for
another month? Why that's the route? What damn? We can
find a different route, Margaret. We've been over this for centuries,
(02:59):
it seem, but I'm sure it's only been a couple
of years. Which route would you like to go again?
There's a faster route if we were willing to go
over there. Hey, y'all, h what's my name? What's my mind?
Just get robbed down to the Tiana Tana pleasure on
(03:22):
this little beautiful squad of critters? Is always this cold here? Yes?
It is this cold here? Often colder as a harp
signal myself. I love it. Nice to meet you, pleasure
to meet y'all. What are y'all, it'll look funny. We're
(03:42):
wolves working our way across. Don't bot tianna. We're not
here to eat seals? Was it harp sales? Oh? Your instrument?
You play an instrument. Let's a good one heard at
about a million times, and I'll give you chuckle for fun.
(04:03):
Help y'all some fishes or something? Fish sounds good? Weren't
love a fish? All this little gunlets of fishes? He
doesn't need it as much as he thinks. There, y'all,
y'all gonna slop that up? What's that grouper? That was grouper? Good?
A wolf? Hey? Hey wolves? Wolves? Hey wolves? Where are
(04:28):
you going? Look? Come? What's it to you? What's it
to me? I I've got a bird's eye view of everything. Here.
Can you point us north? North? Oh? Really you don't
know where north is? Well? I thought I did, but
my family is questioning my guidance. Look, if we could
just get over the mountain, we could just probably just
take a direct route if we went over the mountain,
(04:48):
and then we'd be there faster. And I don't know,
that's an awfully big mountain. Listen to hank over here,
Just birds, bird brine, so you see that big setting
sun over there is Yeah, that's west. Uh huh, yeah,
(05:08):
we know that part. So then go about ninety degrees
to the other way, to the right where the setting
sun is. That's due north. But that is going to
take you directly over to Nali. That's a big one,
which the big mountain. Well, we're gonna settle here for
(05:28):
the night. Where are I'll trying the guilt to I
could say it, but I'm not sure your harp sealed
mine could absorb it. I probably all know what it
means that I've love to learn a new word. Alright,
stupid fucking animals, my dinner tonight, my delicious tonight. You're
(05:59):
not moving. Oh you're to look at that stupid as seal.
Maybe I'll eat some seafood tonight. That fucking bird up there?
Why would you shoot me? Take the bird? Would wait?
Did you just say take the bird? Is the fucking
animals talking to me? I'm not so well? What the fuck?
(06:22):
And I do not need you pointing that gun. Okay,
I must be I must be dehydrated. This is crazy.
You are dehydrated? Oh my god, Okay, there's no way
these animals are talking. Put the mouth of your gun
below your chin. I got Stewart. I don't know how
to swim them. I'll be swimming when I was a
day old. Wait, put the mouth of my gun below
your chin? What does that mean? That means the the
(06:44):
end point there? Whatever you go. You're an animal. You
don't understand what guns got. You give me your hand
and now you all show that for his competence, I'll
take humans. I have comperences. I put them in that ball.
I look at them to figure it out. Where are
they go? Give me your entire well, I also have
(07:04):
a gun. Give me your gun. What give me the gun.
You are way too young to be walking around with
that kind of dangerous well handed over. You're not the
boss of me. You don't really want to kill us there. Well,
I'm starving, s I know this is what do you what?
(07:30):
Would you rather be eating? Wolf meat? But if you
had your choice of any food, maybe any meal, maybe that,
maybe bird? Yeah, I keep thinking. I think they tastes
like chicken. Very gamy. I'm very gamy. Everybody says they're gamy.
You don't tell you cook it. That's a damn for it.
(07:52):
That's how you prepare it. Why don't you go get
him some food or something. That's a great idea. What
do you like Do you like seed? No, you can't
get it for me. My dad sent me on this mission,
and he said, if I don't bring home food for
the family, then I'm not a man. That's a little
presser put tell me about it. That's how's the old
man feel about sushi fish? I mean, probably fine, but
(08:13):
it has to look like I caught it. Not fair enough.
He's not gonna believe me that all these animals are
talking to me. There's a stream with a salmon or
or or swimming up stream, But you're okay with me
eating them. We could grab a couple of those for you.
They don't talk. We talk on talk talk to fish.
(08:33):
Why don't you join us? Yeah right, You wouldn't even
have me give us a moment. What do you think
I mean? If it's away for him not to kill us,
he's got a gun. I'm way up here. If you're whispering,
I can't hear you. Also, I can't really travel with
all I got, like clost of water. I can't be
my pack unless you all want to stay here, which
(08:54):
will be awesome. Well, we're definitely staying tonight? All right?
What can we on for? Kids? Liked? We could? We
could eat him when he falls asleep. Trick or ll
show him their respect. We're asking him to show us.
Was that? Trick him and eat him? What? Okay? Okay,
(09:17):
we're gonna play games, and we're gonna play games. Who
should I kill first? Any meaning? What's wrong? Was you kid?
I told you my whole bank story. I got a
lot writing on this hunt. Wh what's your dad's problem anyway?
Does he drink? What isn't his problem? He's an oil man?
(09:38):
Oi oil man? Yeah, that's right, and he says I
gotta be an oil man. But never mind, it's stupid.
We can help you with this. I want to sing,
always says I have to grow up to be a wolf.
What kind of singer are you? Hold on? Wait, I'm
(09:59):
a jazz singer. Sing jazz because you have to really
have a big emotion to whale to draw. I've seen
things I'd love to hear you scat you know in
the wilderness? Are our defecation is something different? But I'm
scatting right now over? I love you can well under
(10:24):
one condition, what you do with that honor? What does
what does the little wolf want to be? What does
he feel like he's being held back from? I always
wanted to be a carpenter, but I have no family,
says that I don't really relate to that situation. Okay, well, okay,
are you going to sing for us or not? There
(10:45):
is one thing the boy can do pretty well? What's
that very impressive poop on command? You want to see?
Kind of I don't know why is that what we
all want? My gosh? Okay, guys, I just woke up.
(11:13):
I'm so disoriented right now. How long were you at partner?
Months and months? You guys know where the where? The
salmonar story jumping around? We were just about to show
this young man stay back, stay back. Oh Jesus, I
just woke up. That's not cool, man, But cool up
(11:36):
your friend. He's groggy and so it does not fair.
Why don't we get give me a fighting chance? Why
don't we get both of you from salmon you can
take back to your Paul. Okay, he'd be happy about that.
Just winning caught some salmon. Oh, and it's following now
because I'm talking, It's okay, perfect. I'm just supposed to
(11:56):
eat this no, No, we'll string them together and you
can bring him back to your dead to tell him
you cut him. Wow, are you good? What about saying
was y'all? Wasn't that the whole thing on the table,
like you could join the hearth or whatever? Did you
just move past that you don't want to do that? Well?
He wasn't certain he was serious. I wasn't certain I
was serious either. Let's uh, let's talk it through. Let's
(12:19):
catch up the bear well. You guys are debating this.
I just date all the salmon. Well. That takes care
of the debate, isn't it here with us? What's your name,
cub Um? My name is Kyle? I like that name.
It's a wolf sounding name. What's your name, Steve? Okay?
What's your name? Your name Riley? Mr? Bear Berry, Mr? Bird?
(12:52):
I don't want to you know your name? To Yana,
I don't want to know your name? I said, all right,
we could did you how to hunt without Kyle? Call?
You're part of the pack now, I don't know I
want to be. So you're a little boy joining a
pack of wolves with a bear friend about it? Let
(13:19):
me hear your well over here by the fire. Okay,
who started this fire. That's a damn good question. Oh no, man,
man started the fire. That's not a good that's not
good for you, guys. I mean your dad's around here,
So I means my dad's around here. You got some friends? Lenny, Lenny,
I see him over here. Where he's over here? Guys, hide, hide, Kyle,
(13:47):
looking for you are boy, We've been looking for you.
Um just Jane, you ain't catting nothing yet. Well, if
you look around, I ought some fish. Where'd you get
the fish from? Um? From the lake, from the lake
and that? But he loves his hat? Where's your head? Boy?
And your vest? Well? I ran into a pack of
(14:09):
scary wolves. Oh yeah, sure, kid, sure scary wolves. Yea,
And then I scared one so bad at look at ship?
Waited shick there? Where is there some scart? And I
see some tracks over here in the snow. The boy
ain't lying? And oh look at that. Yeah, look at
harp seal. I'm gonna slice it overb is good. I'm
(14:35):
just ripping out big piece right now. It's best when
it's still warm. Good. Isn't it enough? What is you
just killed? My friend? What your friend? Yeah? That seal
was my friend. The harp. Yeah, what was its name? Tia, Tia.
(14:59):
I'm for sure it's tea, right, I was. I guarantee
you a singing to me. All right, so your harp
seals did and uh, let's get you back on track.
Now you've got some salmon. I don't want to be
on track anymore. Dad, what are you talking about? I
made some real friends, some real friends. I want Fruce,
(15:24):
get your guns, everybody. I want you to meet my friends. No, Dad,
that's Steve, Steve, Steve, that's my dad. What shuts up with?
It's a wolf over here. That's Margaret Margaret. Yeah, she's
wearing my head and vest that. Okay, he just muled
(15:46):
the ship out of me. Very he turk my arm off.
Take him down, Take that bear down. Barry stop. Barry's
just he's just grouchy. He just woke up. He took
Harold's are I mean, we can't just let that be.
You know how you are in the morning, that when
you wake up and the coffee isn't already, I can
(16:07):
be quite a bear bleeding up out. I think it's
such a wuss. We're making some ground here. Can you
talk to the bear? Yeah? Of course, guy can we
get at least some sort of proper apology, otherwise there's
going to be an issue. Berry, Berry, I'm sorry, I'm
auld your friend, He said, he's sorry. He maulded, you're
(16:27):
our friend. That growling just now was him saying I'm sorry,
I'm allled your friends. And then the guy who's dying,
Harold said, tell his wife he loves You've been divorced
for eleven years. I want to go to sleep, don't
go to stay awake, stay awake. Did you ask Berry
if there's any chance he could cough up the arm
we could sell back on Barry? Did you hear that
(16:56):
I've been eating it six months? That's not that, that's
not gonna happen. All right, Thank you Berry for pointing
out how along exactly you've been asleep, and thank you
Trey Milner, and godspeed to all of you up there
in the Arctic tundra. Man Oh man Ce Number two
(17:22):
comes from Christopher, who wrote, Hey, guys, love the show
makes me laugh out loud at work, improv beautiful art
and you guys are procasso. How cool of you, Christopher
to use analogies. Uh? My scene idea is a pilot
on a commercial flight, and he's training his co pilot,
but he goes a little too far and also starts
training the occupants on the flight. Alrighty boss, boosters up,
(17:49):
bloosters up, See three down, see three down. Come and
be honest with you. This seems very easy. One second, guys,
my son has always dreamed being a pilot. Could he
were not? We haven't even taken off here. This is
(18:09):
a pretty big deal. I wonder if just I'm just
gonna let him in, and if you guys could just
he really it's a dream. Is what's your name? My
name is Jim. Jim. You're this man's son. Correct? Can
you seem to be out forty five? No, you're you're
(18:32):
so generous. I'm okay. It's not too late for him
to become a pilot. I really need him to get
in there. This is kind of his had a really
rough We don't need to get into what happened with
me and my dad, but it was a rough lung.
We're trying to make up for lost time, and I'd
(18:52):
love to be a pilot. So here we are. Well,
if you two could sit quietly, I don't need to
stay in here. Let me just give my son off,
you're not going anywhere, not going to I'm not ready
to fly. Well, we're about to take off, so that okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Now, um,
I'm gonna be honest with you too. I'm training. This
(19:13):
is my captain. Two of us also training. Yeah, I
guess you're also training. I'm just here to watch. So
we just put the seed threes down and I am captain.
Are the boosters up? The boosters? Jimmy, how did you
know about the boost I've been watching? Oh it's great,
don't worry about me. I'm gonna be silent. Now, great,
(19:33):
where were we? I'm Captain bart bell Weather and you
are a co pilot Michael Stanton. Great name flight three
seven one er Flight three seven one, three seven one.
You've been cleared for Oh excellent, Thank you so much.
By the way, thank you for that birthday cake. Oh yeah,
(19:55):
how about that. It was thoughtful. It was quite a surprise. Actually,
did you get the card to I sure did. Cheeky,
cheeky little in script. Yeah, well, monkeys are my favorite primates. Yeah,
we'll see on the other side. Indeed, all right, that
was art. That was nice, all right? And screens goo,
(20:19):
screens it go, screens it go, and red button pushing
on your command? What's that do? I'm sorry, it's not
my badness. Please sorry, we're in the middle of the
red button makes makes it go. Fly time. That's pretty cool,
ye Jimmy, did you know that? Oh yeah, it says
(20:39):
play time. Sorry. Fly on the wall might be the
most important before takeoff is the announcement to the rest
of the passengers and crew. So do you have fun
with it art? You know what, I don't believe in
having fun on the fight. This is a job, you know.
(21:00):
If you want comedy, go to the circus. Yeah. He
always says that, to go to the circuits. Yeah, it's
a good one. Captain Bellweather, Yes, it's Randy. Randy. Uh. Look,
some of my bits are not going over well with this. Uh.
You know, with this group of passengers. Do you have
any suggestions of of new bits I can try? I
(21:20):
mean Southwest has given me, um, you know, pretty much
the standard template of jokes. But Randy, I prefer if
you just go rogue and do your own material and
give it a little bit of heart. You know, these
people are they're trying to get to destinations that you know,
maybe they're going to a funeral. Maybe they're headed to
(21:42):
a family reunion. And that's not all jokes a minute,
you know, so maybe they don't need their some more
crowd work. Crowd work, that's it, Crandy, Thank you, thanks captain.
Good luck out there, Randy. See, sweetheart, I need I
need a Sanex. Just give me one sex. I'm not
sharing one, Sandy. You know I get anxious, I know,
just to drink. Oh God, here comes up, sir. I'm
(22:05):
gonna need you to sit down. Please could you sit down? Please? Okay,
I'm sitting, Thank you very much. We're on runway and
active runway. We understand, we have ever want to be seated. Great,
here comes that unfunny guy. Huh do you guys need anything? Everything? Okay?
Where where are we headed today? Arizona, the Grand Canyon States. Yep,
(22:30):
that's what they say. Are you wearing that flashing bow tie?
Well I am. You know I work for Southwest, so
you know it's my job to be a little irreverence
and not being one of those stuffy flight attendants. He
said that, I'm freaking the funk out, dude, I'm freaking
that you're on the flight. Did you use. Where's your
(22:55):
guys from? Where are you guys? From Chicago? Chicago, the
Windy City, Going from the Windy City to the Grand Canyon. Okay,
look man, I'm really are going to a funeral. No no, no,
but someone is very ill. They may die. Oh, somebody's dying. Okay,
(23:17):
that's like, ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain speaking.
I am barked whether my co pilot today, Michael Stanton
up here in the cockpit. We are going to be
coming up. Jimmy Richford is also in the cabin. It's
(23:38):
a pleasure to be passenger for a dad and I
are making up for lost time twenty seven. See Jimmy
Richter also in command. We'll be starting our flight ascending
from the ground to about thirty feet and will keep
you updated. That's what they do in the YouTube videos.
(23:59):
And it's about to be fly time. Yeah that feel good?
Did that feel good to you? Were that one felt good?
It did feel good good thing? My son saved you
with that fly time thing. Okay, everyone, it's fly time.
We are on an active runway, so everybody seats up,
trays up. Please turn your electronic devices to airplane mode. Randy, Yeah,
(24:26):
we've flown for Oh well, we got some veteran flyers here.
How many times would you say that you've flown? Well,
it looks like somebody has earned their wings today. Don't
touch her. Do you guys want some nuts? I thought
you want my nuts? You I have a whole box
(24:48):
of nuts. Oh no, thank you. Do you have anything
that could calm him from frea funk out? What do
you need? I'm freaking the So Randy tell as me.
You two have flown before, so welcome to the cock pit. Um,
I wonder if you might be able to tell me
what these buttons due down here. We've flown like twomes,
(25:13):
but not actually like but I think we had a
misunderstanding with Randy. Although Randy said that you know how
to fly, that you're frequent flyers, Randy is like doing
a joke on us. Have the wings on your shirt? Yeah,
and that pilot wings? Brandy, just put those on leaning
you just I mean, don't don't disappoint Jimmy. Is this
(25:35):
the laboratory, it's it's the please come on, come on,
come on? What suit are you from? I'm from three
B good on it's southwest, so I can sit wherever
I want? And uh, what what's your name? Sir? Marvin
mckugh Goddy was familiar. So wait, we've got about Jimmy
(25:57):
rictor Marvin? Are you doing Marvin mckugh of pleasure? Do
you golf? I do? Three handicap? Oh, congrats on one hole.
If everybody wants to take a quick look over here
to the radar, we're gonna just set her to auto
a lot of circles. That's um, that's standard, and we're
(26:20):
just going to set her to auto pilot if everybody
wants to take a turn. Just are we front loading
the weight of this place a little bit? It's like
there's eight of us in the cod bit. You know,
it would take at least thirty five people up here
in this cockpit to front load the plane. So what
would happen if that tip then, uh to a sky tip?
It would keep the nose, it would keep the snow
the snout down, otherwise known as skip sky tip. This
(26:44):
this guy is good. Yeah, her rough life, but I'm
really trying to dig my way out of it. I
left him, but I'm back. I'm back then, that's cool,
that's cool. Marvin, are you you pee? Needed? To go
to the bathroom. Well, I'm really putting the cock and
cockpit on it. Well you should hear. We should have
(27:07):
got Randy Are for that? What was that? I heard
somebody laughing there a joke? Yeah, Randy. Well, first of all,
we don't know how to fly a plane. Why didn't
you say that? Tat on us? Because you guys have
been on two flights. I mean you're basically pilots at
this point. No, that's not true. I'm freaking the funk out. Well,
(27:27):
maybe I can introduce you to the air marshal. Yep,
this guy is sitting across. He has been our air
mark to point out what you were doing. You were
doing a different So are you his father? It looked
like I'm his father. I'm only ten years older than him.
Oh that's first of all, I'm going to put this
all in my report. You shouldn't have any of us
(27:49):
in here. Baby, baby, I'm freaking the oka. Okay, if
from all right, we can't leave this this flight's not
taking off. I'm sure there's gonna be another one coming
off later to be coming back down, be coming back now,
(28:12):
and this flight is not good. We will we will
have to check in wake traffic control here, Marshall, do that.
I'm in charge up here. I'm the air Marshal. You're
a modest man. I'm freaking the funk out. Okay, Arizona, now,
no funk this guy? You got a gun? Yeah? I
got How did you get that on? Here? Brady? Okay, okay, okay,
(28:36):
this guy's over acting. Okay, Marvin, give me your Marvin's
pooping captain. Did you need anything? Oh? Mine's the party
up in here? Oh? Wrong? The guns? What's happening, Melissa?
If you wouldn't mind just getting us a few ginger as.
That sounds good? Is that too? Gingers? How about injury?
(29:01):
All right? I listen to Mark. I don't want any problems,
but my girlfriend and I we need to get to
the Grand Canyon. Now, she's where she's come out, just
saying you're flying and you're more afraid of committing Yeah, yeah,
because on a planet. Well, I'm just saying the numbers
show that there's I'm more likely to be in a
(29:23):
bad marriage than I am to go down in this flight. Hey. Hey,
somebody's filled out the Sudoku and this interlot magazine. Okay, sorry, sir,
I'll get you a new inflight magazine. Okay, those diabolical
ones are really tough. Captain Bart, do you have any
guidance in the situation. We're both pointing guns at each
(29:43):
other sadly paralyzed, but this situation Keptain Michael as co pilot.
Can I take over? I can also help if you
need gim me. Is a trained pilot. He was only
feigning not knowing. That's why he knew all. I guess
I didn't do so well. It's hard to play dumb
when you're this smart. I'm putting my gun down. I'm
(30:05):
putting my gun to putting my gun down. Okay, I'm
putting guns are down, baby, sanics. I'm going to pick
the guns up, and you're waking the guns out, both
of the guns, these guns, of the guns. You shouldn't
be handling a gun. Do you know how to use
a gun? I do know how to use the gun.
Stop pointing. I know how to use a gun. I
(30:26):
think I don't know how to use a gun. Where
are those ginger rails? I can really use a ginger
rail right now? And now I've got I got two
nines in one box. That's not gonna work. There's gonna
only be one number in the box. Well, I know that,
I know how works. I mean, I guess I'm holding
you sausageer. It's everyone. Okay, here, you let me hold
(30:51):
those guns. Well, I give you the ginger ail. Thank
you very much for the guns. I've got the guns.
Now here we go Ginger and Captain Ginger. I'm gonna
put these guns. That's okay. Wow, that was really intense. Yeah,
that got intense. I'm sorry. I have power up here
in the error and sometimes it goes to my head.
I'm sorry. I just don't have power in my life.
(31:12):
And then I saw two guns on the floor. It's
like maybe I could have power, but like it wasn't
a great idea. I used to have power and then
I feel like she took it away. And that was
felt like, well, it's not true cause someone's just like
intervene and that's not true. I got married. Yeah, I
gave all my power up. At the end of the story,
(31:34):
story story, Mr Mugh gonna get you anything to drink.
I'll have five more gingery is um and what will
you be having for lunch? Did you? I thought it
was a cup of noodles and beer. Last time I
checked I met from the atoms that I personally offered
(31:55):
you when you get on the plane. Oh yes, well
i'll have I don't have checks, make right, I'll have
I will have granola and banana. Don't put words in
my mouth, captain, Captain Bart, you've got to come back
to us. You're freaking out, man, I'm sorry. Hey, we
almost some snapped. I'm sorry. Okay, everything's fine. Calm down.
(32:18):
I don't know we're We're really just skating by a
ten thousand feet right now. Okay, okay, alright, Well if
my teer this thing up, yes, place, yes, place, Let's
see what she can douse problem. Oh yeah, it feels
good with the blue angel. That's what I was about
(32:40):
to say. Yeah, anybody have a message they want to
write in the sky. I don't think this one does.
What if we do a little loop to loop or
something switching a little bit fart? You want to do
an announcement, then we're going to do a loop to loop? Okay,
I do passengers, this is your former captain speak. Come on, Bart,
(33:02):
don't be yourself up. I used to be somebody started
this flight off as somebody I said, boosters up as
somebody and my manhood has been taken away from me
part and so, but may I okay, this is your
co pilot speaking bart is Uh. You know I I
(33:26):
have seen him in action. It's my first time being,
you know, getting the honor of sharing a cockpit with him.
You haven't seen me. But I've been on a lot
of your flight's part and you're great. Part's underselling himself.
Thank you. That's the first time I was able to
trick in let me in. Honestly, I've tried that trick
many times. Well, if you're having trouble your manhood, maybe
I can offer you some nuts. Randy showed himself out.
(33:55):
Bless Randy and Uh. He's hoping that the gig on
the cruise ship works a little bit better than on
the Plean. Our final scene today comes from Joshua, who wrote, Hello,
welcome this especially James Heeney. What do you mind if
I call you Jim Burrino? No, no, no, no, I
(34:18):
don't okay cool. My name is Joshua nettor Hood and
then Parenthaeses. I don't know how to pronounce my surname either.
Have fun and I love the show. Um. Last week
I threw my back up while I was sitting not
easy to do doing absolutely nothing, but still decided to
listen to your new episode, knowing that each belly laugh
would cause me men's agony. That's how much I love
(34:40):
you guys to pitch. Here we go, Uh, In about
a week, I'll be leaving my temp job in Chicago,
driving across the country to San Francisco, where I'll be
joining my mom, my sister, my brother in law, my girlfriend,
and maybe more in what will essentially be a commune,
because that's the only way we can afford rent in
that crazy part of the world. I would love to
hear your version of what I'm about to start. And
(35:02):
then at the end here it says the listeners complain
about the tedious work as uh, my, my work is sensational.
As proof, I spent a good chunk of my day
at the office tracking nineteen nicknames at Kevin Game gave
James and calculating that about were rejected out right. My
favorite one though, was old Donkey see the data set here.
(35:25):
And then I sent you all pictures of this guy chart.
We've got to figure out a way. Yes, we can
do a screen rap. It really was an amazing job.
So thank you, Joshua nettor Hood. And now we take
you to that commune as you are joining the others. Peaches, peaches,
(35:46):
anybody peaches. Got a big basket, fresh basket, fresh peaches.
Thank you, joy say, oh there's plenty for everyone. Yeah, yeah,
I'll need one piece of your clothing for the peach.
Of course, of course you t shirt. I love that shirt.
(36:07):
Thank you. Take my tunic tunic it intries count Yeah,
of course, give you the anklic anklet it is. Hey,
I'll give you one of my one of my shoes. Man, Okay,
I'll give you a pair of shoes for two delicious peaches.
I like your style and the cut of your rookie
(36:27):
stike though you're gonna need your shoes on the island.
This isn't what you think it is. It's not about
giving away as little as possible. It's about equal exchange,
being goods. Do you think a peach is worth more
than an anglic because I thought it was generous. Okay,
if you thought so, then that's fine, that's fine. Just
(36:48):
next time. I mean, we're going to have a meal tonight,
so you might want to consider what you want to
give away for that meal. I'm running out of stuff.
That's kind of the purpose. Yeah, I don't have anything.
I'm completely naked, So how do you get peaches? Well,
once you have nothing, then you get to eat for free.
Ins Oh yeah, and I got to give sex away,
(37:10):
but I was going to give that away for free. Anyway,
you've got to give sex away, giving it away, I have,
I say doing it. It's an exchange. I've gotten an
unlimited feel about this. I'm I'm so blessed to have
landed here and um and be and be able to
(37:34):
just experience. She found two suitcases when she came in.
She's got a while to go. I have, um, the
six pairs of tights that I'm trying to whittle down. First,
I had a bunch of what are you worried about
this six stuff? Am I worried about sex? Now? I
(37:55):
feel like a prode when you say it like that,
I don't mean it in frudish way. I've had sex,
but I'm isn't it just doesn't seem like you have
sex with a peachman? Well, I'll love pages. Well, the
peach man is more than just a peachman. He's the
provider but his knees are covered in scabs. That's because
he works hard for us. Um, we're not. You showed
(38:18):
up here and we're so happy you did. But we
are a family. Obviously rent is mega expensive, so we're
giving always some of our personal things, such a sex,
to make up for the high rent costs. Also, how
judgmental to say that, um, scabs would make you not
(38:40):
to be with a person. I think a scab is
just an outward scar, you know, and you know Jammy
and gross. When I was at Altimont, Man, everybody was
covered in scabs, but there was free love and it
was beautiful. I mean, fraid love sounds nice, but having
(39:02):
to have sex for a peach sounds less. Well, you
don't have to. You also just don't have to eat
the peach. If peaches are your thing. That I thought
it was like a yoga thing. You know, we're going
to eat all right, my family. I've got very on
the nose of what you are cucumbers because I've actually
(39:23):
picked cucumbers provider. Who would like a cuca? I love
have a cucumber the book Cucumber. Let me just place
this cucumber right up here. There we go enjoy your cucumber.
Thank you very much, but I'm going way. Why who
else would like my cucumber? A cucumber? Well, he had
(39:46):
no place else to put it, provider. Tanya seems to
be having a difficult time understanding on the way things working.
I am new, so ye pleasure pleasure. I thought it
was a yoga thing, right. We will be doing yoga, definitely,
we'll be doing yoga. Man, you don't have to do yoga,
but if you'd like to. I'm not concerned about the yoga.
(40:08):
I would like to do the yoga. I don't. I
don't want a cucumber, you know, via the delivery system.
I'm more concerned. I've cash. I brought cash. Get that
out of it. We don't, we don't, don't. Please eyes
not in the share that I was giving. Patience, everyone, Please,
(40:32):
we've talked about this. Tanya's new. You need time. If
you'd like us to take your cash, we'll do that.
But anytime you'd like it back, let us know. I
want you to take it in exchange for goods. Sure,
how much cash? Yes, dear? Should we send Tanya to
the shame tent? Why would she want me to be
(40:54):
in the shame Tin. Well, soon enough, you'll probably a
couple of days in the shame Tent. Don't want to
go to the shime tent. Really has a really good point.
As always, we take it to a vote, all in
favor of the newcomer. Time vote against the shame Tin.
The newcomer who again, I've asked you to be patient,
listen to the provider. I mean, he seems like to
(41:18):
the shame Tent would show a lack of patience. But
as always, the vote is ours. I vote that she
does not go in the shakey Provider. How about your brother,
I say no to the shame t Shame time, sister,
I stand firm on shame Tesse really wants me to
be in the really spent has spent more time in
the shame Tin than anyone else here the moment. It
(41:40):
did a lot for me. You know, when I came
in here, I had a New Zealand accent too, But
I learned to get rid of that because like you know, um,
did you get the brochet? Did you feel tricked? No?
I mean at first maybe, and then I shamed it out.
So I want to sign it out. I don't want
to shign it out. What's your vote. I shamed it
(42:01):
that a long time ago. And I'll tell you what,
I have never been the same sense. He don't love it.
He doesn't actually get a vote. You'll understand enough. What
about you, brother? Where do we stand right now? We're
at to no shame tent and one shame tent, so
this would be the tie. Well, if there's a tie,
I'll break it myself. I'm voting no shame tent. Newcomer.
(42:25):
You don't actually get a vote. Wait, you don't know
the rules here, man, I don't know. She's kind of
making some sense. I'm part of the group signed the
brochure thing, right, But it's your faith that's being decided
by the group. That's the reason. Brother. Let's say, well,
first of all, I'll say, like, don't assume that just
because you're going to the shame tent that you're the
(42:47):
one feeling shame. Man, We're gonna feel shamed for putting
you there, So let's avoid that by not putting anyone
in the shame tin. Maybe we deserve that shame for
judging you in the first place. You both make terrific points,
and now it falls on you, brother, it's a tie.
(43:08):
Three to one. Oh gosh, I think tie goes to
the runner, So get running, okay, White, Oh boy, oh
my god. Welcome to the shame tent time. How are
(43:32):
you my first time? I'm not sure the protocol. You're
doing great? Do I keep my flip flops on or
however you feel comfortable? Okay, I'll keep my flips on. Okay,
here's your robe? What was your name, Tanya? Tanya? Here's
your rope? Darling. Thank you? That's nice. Itchy, Sorry, it's
(43:53):
all right. Some get used to it. It's a bigger
tin than I forget for a shame tin. Are we
that talk? No? You just look at art? I see
what it? Please take this pot? Do I just eat it?
Is it a smirking yeah? Nice to meet you, Tanya.
(44:15):
I am a coyote. Why goody, clioty the pot smoke?
M here we go. I'm feeling a little ashamed, and
why you stare it me? Does make me feel awkward.
I'll join this drum circle for the next three days.
(44:36):
Oh no, oh, no more, same lily. Um. I feel
like we've been growing apart recently. Can you say that
we're in an embrace right now? Our naked bodies laying
(44:58):
in the field and never felt close there. And isn't
that interesting that I feel further away from you than
I've ever felt? What if I do this? Oh god, okay, okay,
that's usually where the cucumbers go. Millie, that's usual, and
that's I think that's part of the problem here. You're
not taking this seriously. Maybe right, Maybe maybe I need
(45:24):
some time in the shame tent. I don't know if
you can just send yourself there, will you quote me?
And wouldn't you? I don't know. It's just the way
you look at Provider recently. It just makes me feel
like I don't know what I want anymore. I don't
know which ways up, I don't know which way is down.
Some it sounds like somebody's going through about of jealousy.
(45:44):
Maybe I am, And that makes me feel shameful. There
you two are. What did you like some cherries today?
Which had some freshly picked cherry? Provider? Would you delay
with us? I know you're busy. I'd be happy to
come and put the best if carry is down coming here? Oh? So,
how are things well? Be just discussing? Yes, No, I'm
(46:11):
uncomfortable lately. And why is that. I thought I was
in a good place and then I felt this. I
thought you were turning of jealousy and resentments coming through talking.
I just feel like I thought Lily was going to
be my partner. He said, we get what you are
his partner. Isn't that right? I own you? Own her? Guy?
(46:31):
A ship? Oh, conn, I'm coming over. What party? We
were just discussing ownership. I'll be with you in a second,
naked Dan, Yeah, take it down or not with you? Guys? Yeah,
that's a good example of quiet. No one owns anyone here.
Why would you use such a word. Oh, I thought
she loves your property. She loves you. Isn't that enough?
(46:55):
I guess not. We left all those properties outside and
I forget that. Okay, that's how we were trained, it's
how we were raised, It's how we were taught. This
is a new order. He loves you, and that love
is more important than anything. Yeah, beautiful provider, that was beautiful.
How do you think Tony is doing? We're all worried
(47:16):
about it too. Okay, this is going crying. Let's take five.
Want to take five? I remember on your third day
you exited the shame tent with no accent. It was
amazing to finally be free. Miracles. That was one of them,
(47:41):
I guess, because we don't have an accent at all
to anybody. Somehow, when we leave the Shame Tent, we're
leaving your life behind, your life behind that. I'm sorry
interrupt guys, just carry on. Well that it was twice.
(48:04):
Have you heard any word on Tanya? Yeah? Man, she's
been in there for three days now. Nobody's lasted. I'm
feeling so much shame. Man. Oh, that's kind of the point.
Should we go out there and uh, shall we check
onto some Let's do it the big Okay? Yeah, can
we call it a wrap on that one? I think
we got that one down. Let's just wrap that one
(48:27):
and start a new track. You'll know when it's done.
You'll know when it's done, greeting when it's done, Tanya,
don't know when have I done? How are you feeling?
You know? I feel renewed, I I feel thirsty, and
(48:47):
we have lots of one. Did you see coyotes in
a drum circle? There's nothing in this tent? Man, Oh man,
there's nothing in the tent. Oh my god, you're fine
when you bring in how did you know I was
going to bring in kyos circle. Welcome to the rest
of your life. Here's some water, d is Lily's saliva.
(49:15):
Oh we are, we are one. Wow, it's really delicious.
Try the strange fresh squeezed. That's actually I can't wait, actually,
brothers Urine. Yeah, yeah, we preserve that. We preserved that
(49:36):
back during the Reagan administration. Thank you for both of
these gifts. I wish I had something to give and
return to you already gave out. Here are your shoes?
Wear them? Well, thank you. All right, we'll take the rope. Oh,
here you go. You won't need the head anymore. Okay,
(49:57):
remember everybody, it's a good time to remember brother. If
ever you want to leave and go into the real
estate market that is San Francisco. Oh, good luck, I'm
feel free. Good luck, I feel free. Right. The hates change, man,
the castros changed. Tender Loin is still the same. Yeah,
(50:19):
tell us about the last time you were there. Oh, man,
well I was. I was looking for some uppers in
the Tenderloin. And yeah, brother, you do. I'm okay, man, hey,
looking looking the trade man, looking to what you got.
(50:41):
I'm willing to give sexual favors what do you think
I got? Alright, here's some uppers. There's some uppers, all right,
man take them? Oh man, a bad trip? Oh fuck,
bad trip. Wow, that's a referend. Yeah, he came to
(51:06):
her shortly thereafter. Did you have to do the favors? No?
I didn't. I did have to start a tech company though,
you know Uber Uber that was mine? That was my No. Yeah,
how do you spell that? Oh? Oh b r like
(51:26):
gouber without the G for a minute, never mind, Look
at the time. It's time for me to leave you all, Lily.
I'll miss you. What are you doing with a watch man?
Where is he going? You'll know it's not only do
I have to watch I have this blazer. Wow, and
its sharp? That's my blazer. What are you doing? It's
(51:51):
time for me to go. Are you going back? I'm
coming back. We'll miss you, dar, I've just been all
this time in the shame town. Well, you enjoy yourself.
Remember we're here for you if you want back into
this world. Okay, any advice for me as I don't go,
don't go. I drank that man's piss. I drank that
woman's spit. Now people are just leaving and you're you're
(52:13):
headed out there with nothing. You're going to just walk
out into San Francisco and try and get in a blazer,
watch and nothing else. I'm gonna fit right in. We'll
see you soon, God Spain. Shall we draw circle him out?
Let's take it from the top and so are you
(52:35):
still Australian jumped down and our producer Doug Bane, our
engineer saying, please bang the table more. Nothing sounds more
delightful in the podcast and the distant table Pound thank
all of our alchemists today. Let's go around, uh slowly
but surely, starting with our guests alchemists. I can't I
(53:00):
didn't say Amanda Blake Nelson as hardly and as deeply
and as sincerely as I thought I would. Amanda Blake Davis,
thank you how much for being with you. Come back
and see us soon. Please. Where can folks find you?
West Side Comedy Theater course with heyde Day. You can
come see me at Baby Once Candy on Friday nights
(53:21):
you ceb sunset fantastic. Yeah all right? Uh social media,
do you want to shout that out? Yeah? If you like,
if you love little dogs, then follow me at Miss
Amanda Blake on Instagram to see my dog Linda, Linda.
I love the name Linda. Yeah, she's grateful. It's a
(53:42):
strong name. Christop Barado. What do you got for um?
Not much, just really thankful of gratitude. We're all thanks
feeling good. Yeah, that's that. Don't just be thankful in November.
Hey you're around baby? Is it November? Okay, that's that thanksgiving.
I tend to be just thankful in November. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I know you can do it your It turns out
(54:04):
thanks to you. I know. It's okay. Now, James Ceney
on the Real James ceni YouTube channel, please check out
this rusher thing where I played John Bolton. I'm excited
about this. It's for it's the most terrible, amazing impression
of John Bolton. Uh And folks find it at the
Real James Ceni Yes, okay. Craig Kowski at Kaikowski on
(54:27):
Twitter or at Orange Sucks Improv for shows with me
and my wife Carla. You can see us around town
at the West Side Comedy Theater occasionally the Second City.
And we're going to Warsaw, Poland that's exciting as hell. Yeah.
Back to the homeland, as it were, but that's Dnasy
typewriter dot com. Check the calendar, the amazing events. Yeah,
(54:50):
I just found Linda on Instagram. Big fan, immediate fan. Yeah,
you can see my dog corn Bread barely and my
son more on my Instagram. Sure I'm not as cute
as Linda. I'm on record, you're a giver, not a taker.
And thanks to our engineer Doug Bame. Thank you Du
and our post sound design artists Raphaelbrito, our producer Sophie
(55:14):
Lichtman Litman and lastly I Heard Media of course, thanks
for the auspiceys and the support. I encourage all of
you to write a review for the show. It would
help us a whole bunch. Tell everyone you've ever met
as always, and write to us at your name here
this dot com on the way out. But I would
like for the people who to write in to also
give us their social media handle, because it'd be kind
of fun to tag them in these difference suggestions. Yeah,
(55:38):
when you're write to the website at your name here,
lock me this dot com. If you want to join
that circle, we'd love to welcome you in and share
whatever you have for regarding this show or parts of
your own shows. That is life through our social media
as well. Yeah, we'd love to expand the community. Thank
you Christ. It's a great day social media manage. Yeah,
(55:59):
I've been tuh know, he's a killer and uh we
have set him free needless the same. Your name here
atlcomy this dot com Until next time, I'm Kevin Pollock.
That's
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This. I'm your host,
Kevin Pollock, guest. That Kevin Pollock was that? Yes, it
was all delicious, especially the soup. Didn't know lizard toads
could be so yummy. But I digress. Dear Red Hots
and Tater Talks, I'd like to welcome you to another
episode of Alchemy. This. Let's meet our alchemist today, shall
we in no particular order to say hello to Greigkowski cocaw?
(00:24):
How happy are you to be back in the phone?
Let's fourteen? Okay on a scale of yeah. Why there's
christoph erandos was Christmas? When traveling east on Peka? Do
you ever wish you were on Olympic? Yeah? Yeah, right high.
It's returning guest Alchemists Amanda Blake Davis Commander, Amander. What
(00:45):
does seven eleven mean to you? The world? Correct continuum? Hey,
there's Vanessa Ragland Venete. Does any part of you miss
Joey Greer today? Which part my face? Yeah? And last,
but may your drawer smell of herring if you think
him least? Mr James Heeny jaw dropping Hayman, Uh, describe
(01:07):
your perfect morning? Perfect morning? I wake up at eight
am and don't feel tired. Coffee is already ice and fridge,
and there's silence all about me. Silence. Well then I
make them noise, but it starts with silence because I
live next to construction that has been going on for
six years, and it begins. They are allowed to start
(01:27):
at seven a m. Are they building a weapon? To end?
They're building a house across the street. Now, they did
build above my house, next to my house there, it's
just Venice, you know, Venice, Italy. Yeah, I do know.
All right, let's get to our first scene, showering. All
today's scene suggestions were gathered from our listener mails. If
you'd like to submit yours, please write to the podcast
at your name here at alchemy this dot com. I'm
gonna repeat that your name here at alchemy this dot com.
(01:52):
Our first scene comes from Trey, who wrote, Hey, guys,
thanks for making me laugh my head off for hours.
Way up here in Alaska. I'm working the oil fields
in the Arctic tundra and have been telling all my
coworkers to listen to the show. Hey co workers, Hey Trey,
thanks for keeping morale up and bringing lots of joy
to a pretty harsh environment. The animals here have these
(02:13):
massive world rebound seasonal migrations. Wow. Uh, And I thought
it could be a great topic if the crew were
migratory animals who had somehow got lost and we're trying
to find their way. I have fun, guys. Thanks for
keeping us all entertained up here, Trey Milner, Thank you, Trey. Oh,
(02:38):
I think you took us the wrong way. This is
not warmer. What makes you say that? I could see
my breath all right, you're gonna say your breath for
another month? Why that's the route? What damn? We can
find a different route, Margaret. We've been over this for centuries,
(02:59):
it seem, but I'm sure it's only been a couple
of years. Which route would you like to go again?
There's a faster route if we were willing to go
over there. Hey, y'all, h what's my name? What's my mind?
Just get robbed down to the Tiana Tana pleasure on
(03:22):
this little beautiful squad of critters? Is always this cold here? Yes?
It is this cold here? Often colder as a harp
signal myself. I love it. Nice to meet you, pleasure
to meet y'all. What are y'all, it'll look funny. We're
(03:42):
wolves working our way across. Don't bot tianna. We're not
here to eat seals? Was it harp sales? Oh? Your instrument?
You play an instrument. Let's a good one heard at
about a million times, and I'll give you chuckle for fun.
(04:03):
Help y'all some fishes or something? Fish sounds good? Weren't
love a fish? All this little gunlets of fishes? He
doesn't need it as much as he thinks. There, y'all,
y'all gonna slop that up? What's that grouper? That was grouper? Good?
A wolf? Hey? Hey wolves? Wolves? Hey wolves? Where are
(04:28):
you going? Look? Come? What's it to you? What's it
to me? I I've got a bird's eye view of everything. Here.
Can you point us north? North? Oh? Really you don't
know where north is? Well? I thought I did, but
my family is questioning my guidance. Look, if we could
just get over the mountain, we could just probably just
take a direct route if we went over the mountain,
(04:48):
and then we'd be there faster. And I don't know,
that's an awfully big mountain. Listen to hank over here,
Just birds, bird brine, so you see that big setting
sun over there is Yeah, that's west. Uh huh, yeah,
(05:08):
we know that part. So then go about ninety degrees
to the other way, to the right where the setting
sun is. That's due north. But that is going to
take you directly over to Nali. That's a big one,
which the big mountain. Well, we're gonna settle here for
(05:28):
the night. Where are I'll trying the guilt to I
could say it, but I'm not sure your harp sealed
mine could absorb it. I probably all know what it
means that I've love to learn a new word. Alright,
stupid fucking animals, my dinner tonight, my delicious tonight. You're
(05:59):
not moving. Oh you're to look at that stupid as seal.
Maybe I'll eat some seafood tonight. That fucking bird up there?
Why would you shoot me? Take the bird? Would wait?
Did you just say take the bird? Is the fucking
animals talking to me? I'm not so well? What the fuck?
(06:22):
And I do not need you pointing that gun. Okay,
I must be I must be dehydrated. This is crazy.
You are dehydrated? Oh my god, Okay, there's no way
these animals are talking. Put the mouth of your gun
below your chin. I got Stewart. I don't know how
to swim them. I'll be swimming when I was a
day old. Wait, put the mouth of my gun below
your chin? What does that mean? That means the the
(06:44):
end point there? Whatever you go. You're an animal. You
don't understand what guns got. You give me your hand
and now you all show that for his competence, I'll
take humans. I have comperences. I put them in that ball.
I look at them to figure it out. Where are
they go? Give me your entire well, I also have
(07:04):
a gun. Give me your gun. What give me the gun.
You are way too young to be walking around with
that kind of dangerous well handed over. You're not the
boss of me. You don't really want to kill us there. Well,
I'm starving, s I know this is what do you what?
(07:30):
Would you rather be eating? Wolf meat? But if you
had your choice of any food, maybe any meal, maybe that,
maybe bird? Yeah, I keep thinking. I think they tastes
like chicken. Very gamy. I'm very gamy. Everybody says they're gamy.
You don't tell you cook it. That's a damn for it.
(07:52):
That's how you prepare it. Why don't you go get
him some food or something. That's a great idea. What
do you like Do you like seed? No, you can't
get it for me. My dad sent me on this mission,
and he said, if I don't bring home food for
the family, then I'm not a man. That's a little
presser put tell me about it. That's how's the old
man feel about sushi fish? I mean, probably fine, but
(08:13):
it has to look like I caught it. Not fair enough.
He's not gonna believe me that all these animals are
talking to me. There's a stream with a salmon or
or or swimming up stream, But you're okay with me
eating them. We could grab a couple of those for you.
They don't talk. We talk on talk talk to fish.
(08:33):
Why don't you join us? Yeah right, You wouldn't even
have me give us a moment. What do you think
I mean? If it's away for him not to kill us,
he's got a gun. I'm way up here. If you're whispering,
I can't hear you. Also, I can't really travel with
all I got, like clost of water. I can't be
my pack unless you all want to stay here, which
(08:54):
will be awesome. Well, we're definitely staying tonight? All right?
What can we on for? Kids? Liked? We could? We
could eat him when he falls asleep. Trick or ll
show him their respect. We're asking him to show us.
Was that? Trick him and eat him? What? Okay? Okay,
(09:17):
we're gonna play games, and we're gonna play games. Who
should I kill first? Any meaning? What's wrong? Was you kid?
I told you my whole bank story. I got a
lot writing on this hunt. Wh what's your dad's problem anyway?
Does he drink? What isn't his problem? He's an oil man?
(09:38):
Oi oil man? Yeah, that's right, and he says I
gotta be an oil man. But never mind, it's stupid.
We can help you with this. I want to sing,
always says I have to grow up to be a wolf.
What kind of singer are you? Hold on? Wait, I'm
(09:59):
a jazz singer. Sing jazz because you have to really
have a big emotion to whale to draw. I've seen
things I'd love to hear you scat you know in
the wilderness? Are our defecation is something different? But I'm
scatting right now over? I love you can well under
(10:24):
one condition, what you do with that honor? What does
what does the little wolf want to be? What does
he feel like he's being held back from? I always
wanted to be a carpenter, but I have no family,
says that I don't really relate to that situation. Okay, well, okay,
are you going to sing for us or not? There
(10:45):
is one thing the boy can do pretty well? What's
that very impressive poop on command? You want to see?
Kind of I don't know why is that what we
all want? My gosh? Okay, guys, I just woke up.
(11:13):
I'm so disoriented right now. How long were you at partner?
Months and months? You guys know where the where? The
salmonar story jumping around? We were just about to show
this young man stay back, stay back. Oh Jesus, I
just woke up. That's not cool, man, But cool up
(11:36):
your friend. He's groggy and so it does not fair.
Why don't we get give me a fighting chance? Why
don't we get both of you from salmon you can
take back to your Paul. Okay, he'd be happy about that.
Just winning caught some salmon. Oh, and it's following now
because I'm talking, It's okay, perfect. I'm just supposed to
(11:56):
eat this no, No, we'll string them together and you
can bring him back to your dead to tell him
you cut him. Wow, are you good? What about saying
was y'all? Wasn't that the whole thing on the table,
like you could join the hearth or whatever? Did you
just move past that you don't want to do that? Well?
He wasn't certain he was serious. I wasn't certain I
was serious either. Let's uh, let's talk it through. Let's
(12:19):
catch up the bear well. You guys are debating this.
I just date all the salmon. Well. That takes care
of the debate, isn't it here with us? What's your name,
cub Um? My name is Kyle? I like that name.
It's a wolf sounding name. What's your name, Steve? Okay?
What's your name? Your name Riley? Mr? Bear Berry, Mr? Bird?
(12:52):
I don't want to you know your name? To Yana,
I don't want to know your name? I said, all right,
we could did you how to hunt without Kyle? Call?
You're part of the pack now, I don't know I
want to be. So you're a little boy joining a
pack of wolves with a bear friend about it? Let
(13:19):
me hear your well over here by the fire. Okay,
who started this fire. That's a damn good question. Oh no, man,
man started the fire. That's not a good that's not
good for you, guys. I mean your dad's around here,
So I means my dad's around here. You got some friends? Lenny, Lenny,
I see him over here. Where he's over here? Guys, hide, hide, Kyle,
(13:47):
looking for you are boy, We've been looking for you.
Um just Jane, you ain't catting nothing yet. Well, if
you look around, I ought some fish. Where'd you get
the fish from? Um? From the lake, from the lake
and that? But he loves his hat? Where's your head? Boy?
And your vest? Well? I ran into a pack of
(14:09):
scary wolves. Oh yeah, sure, kid, sure scary wolves. Yea,
And then I scared one so bad at look at ship?
Waited shick there? Where is there some scart? And I
see some tracks over here in the snow. The boy
ain't lying? And oh look at that. Yeah, look at
harp seal. I'm gonna slice it overb is good. I'm
(14:35):
just ripping out big piece right now. It's best when
it's still warm. Good. Isn't it enough? What is you
just killed? My friend? What your friend? Yeah? That seal
was my friend. The harp. Yeah, what was its name? Tia, Tia.
(14:59):
I'm for sure it's tea, right, I was. I guarantee
you a singing to me. All right, so your harp
seals did and uh, let's get you back on track.
Now you've got some salmon. I don't want to be
on track anymore. Dad, what are you talking about? I
made some real friends, some real friends. I want Fruce,
(15:24):
get your guns, everybody. I want you to meet my friends. No, Dad,
that's Steve, Steve, Steve, that's my dad. What shuts up with?
It's a wolf over here. That's Margaret Margaret. Yeah, she's
wearing my head and vest that. Okay, he just muled
(15:46):
the ship out of me. Very he turk my arm off.
Take him down, Take that bear down. Barry stop. Barry's
just he's just grouchy. He just woke up. He took
Harold's are I mean, we can't just let that be.
You know how you are in the morning, that when
you wake up and the coffee isn't already, I can
(16:07):
be quite a bear bleeding up out. I think it's
such a wuss. We're making some ground here. Can you
talk to the bear? Yeah? Of course, guy can we
get at least some sort of proper apology, otherwise there's
going to be an issue. Berry, Berry, I'm sorry, I'm
auld your friend, He said, he's sorry. He maulded, you're
(16:27):
our friend. That growling just now was him saying I'm sorry,
I'm allled your friends. And then the guy who's dying,
Harold said, tell his wife he loves You've been divorced
for eleven years. I want to go to sleep, don't
go to stay awake, stay awake. Did you ask Berry
if there's any chance he could cough up the arm
we could sell back on Barry? Did you hear that
(16:56):
I've been eating it six months? That's not that, that's
not gonna happen. All right, Thank you Berry for pointing
out how along exactly you've been asleep, and thank you
Trey Milner, and godspeed to all of you up there
in the Arctic tundra. Man Oh man Ce Number two
(17:22):
comes from Christopher, who wrote, Hey, guys, love the show
makes me laugh out loud at work, improv beautiful art
and you guys are procasso. How cool of you, Christopher
to use analogies. Uh? My scene idea is a pilot
on a commercial flight, and he's training his co pilot,
but he goes a little too far and also starts
training the occupants on the flight. Alrighty boss, boosters up,
(17:49):
bloosters up, See three down, see three down. Come and
be honest with you. This seems very easy. One second, guys,
my son has always dreamed being a pilot. Could he
were not? We haven't even taken off here. This is
(18:09):
a pretty big deal. I wonder if just I'm just
gonna let him in, and if you guys could just
he really it's a dream. Is what's your name? My
name is Jim. Jim. You're this man's son. Correct? Can
you seem to be out forty five? No, you're you're
(18:32):
so generous. I'm okay. It's not too late for him
to become a pilot. I really need him to get
in there. This is kind of his had a really
rough We don't need to get into what happened with
me and my dad, but it was a rough lung.
We're trying to make up for lost time, and I'd
(18:52):
love to be a pilot. So here we are. Well,
if you two could sit quietly, I don't need to
stay in here. Let me just give my son off,
you're not going anywhere, not going to I'm not ready
to fly. Well, we're about to take off, so that okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Now, um,
I'm gonna be honest with you too. I'm training. This
(19:13):
is my captain. Two of us also training. Yeah, I
guess you're also training. I'm just here to watch. So
we just put the seed threes down and I am captain.
Are the boosters up? The boosters? Jimmy, how did you
know about the boost I've been watching? Oh it's great,
don't worry about me. I'm gonna be silent. Now, great,
(19:33):
where were we? I'm Captain bart bell Weather and you
are a co pilot Michael Stanton. Great name flight three
seven one er Flight three seven one, three seven one.
You've been cleared for Oh excellent, Thank you so much.
By the way, thank you for that birthday cake. Oh yeah,
(19:55):
how about that. It was thoughtful. It was quite a surprise. Actually,
did you get the card to I sure did. Cheeky,
cheeky little in script. Yeah, well, monkeys are my favorite primates. Yeah,
we'll see on the other side. Indeed, all right, that
was art. That was nice, all right? And screens goo,
(20:19):
screens it go, screens it go, and red button pushing
on your command? What's that do? I'm sorry, it's not
my badness. Please sorry, we're in the middle of the
red button makes makes it go. Fly time. That's pretty cool,
ye Jimmy, did you know that? Oh yeah, it says
(20:39):
play time. Sorry. Fly on the wall might be the
most important before takeoff is the announcement to the rest
of the passengers and crew. So do you have fun
with it art? You know what, I don't believe in
having fun on the fight. This is a job, you know.
(21:00):
If you want comedy, go to the circus. Yeah. He
always says that, to go to the circuits. Yeah, it's
a good one. Captain Bellweather, Yes, it's Randy. Randy. Uh. Look,
some of my bits are not going over well with this. Uh.
You know, with this group of passengers. Do you have
any suggestions of of new bits I can try? I
(21:20):
mean Southwest has given me, um, you know, pretty much
the standard template of jokes. But Randy, I prefer if
you just go rogue and do your own material and
give it a little bit of heart. You know, these
people are they're trying to get to destinations that you know,
maybe they're going to a funeral. Maybe they're headed to
(21:42):
a family reunion. And that's not all jokes a minute,
you know, so maybe they don't need their some more
crowd work. Crowd work, that's it, Crandy, Thank you, thanks captain.
Good luck out there, Randy. See, sweetheart, I need I
need a Sanex. Just give me one sex. I'm not
sharing one, Sandy. You know I get anxious, I know,
just to drink. Oh God, here comes up, sir. I'm
(22:05):
gonna need you to sit down. Please could you sit down? Please? Okay,
I'm sitting, Thank you very much. We're on runway and
active runway. We understand, we have ever want to be seated. Great,
here comes that unfunny guy. Huh do you guys need anything? Everything? Okay?
Where where are we headed today? Arizona, the Grand Canyon States. Yep,
(22:30):
that's what they say. Are you wearing that flashing bow tie?
Well I am. You know I work for Southwest, so
you know it's my job to be a little irreverence
and not being one of those stuffy flight attendants. He
said that, I'm freaking the funk out, dude, I'm freaking
that you're on the flight. Did you use. Where's your
(22:55):
guys from? Where are you guys? From Chicago? Chicago, the
Windy City, Going from the Windy City to the Grand Canyon. Okay,
look man, I'm really are going to a funeral. No no, no,
but someone is very ill. They may die. Oh, somebody's dying. Okay,
(23:17):
that's like, ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain speaking.
I am barked whether my co pilot today, Michael Stanton
up here in the cockpit. We are going to be
coming up. Jimmy Richford is also in the cabin. It's
(23:38):
a pleasure to be passenger for a dad and I
are making up for lost time twenty seven. See Jimmy
Richter also in command. We'll be starting our flight ascending
from the ground to about thirty feet and will keep
you updated. That's what they do in the YouTube videos.
(23:59):
And it's about to be fly time. Yeah that feel good?
Did that feel good to you? Were that one felt good?
It did feel good good thing? My son saved you
with that fly time thing. Okay, everyone, it's fly time.
We are on an active runway, so everybody seats up,
trays up. Please turn your electronic devices to airplane mode. Randy, Yeah,
(24:26):
we've flown for Oh well, we got some veteran flyers here.
How many times would you say that you've flown? Well,
it looks like somebody has earned their wings today. Don't
touch her. Do you guys want some nuts? I thought
you want my nuts? You I have a whole box
(24:48):
of nuts. Oh no, thank you. Do you have anything
that could calm him from frea funk out? What do
you need? I'm freaking the So Randy tell as me.
You two have flown before, so welcome to the cock pit. Um,
I wonder if you might be able to tell me
what these buttons due down here. We've flown like twomes,
(25:13):
but not actually like but I think we had a
misunderstanding with Randy. Although Randy said that you know how
to fly, that you're frequent flyers, Randy is like doing
a joke on us. Have the wings on your shirt? Yeah,
and that pilot wings? Brandy, just put those on leaning
you just I mean, don't don't disappoint Jimmy. Is this
(25:35):
the laboratory, it's it's the please come on, come on,
come on? What suit are you from? I'm from three
B good on it's southwest, so I can sit wherever
I want? And uh, what what's your name? Sir? Marvin
mckugh Goddy was familiar. So wait, we've got about Jimmy
(25:57):
rictor Marvin? Are you doing Marvin mckugh of pleasure? Do
you golf? I do? Three handicap? Oh, congrats on one hole.
If everybody wants to take a quick look over here
to the radar, we're gonna just set her to auto
a lot of circles. That's um, that's standard, and we're
(26:20):
just going to set her to auto pilot if everybody
wants to take a turn. Just are we front loading
the weight of this place a little bit? It's like
there's eight of us in the cod bit. You know,
it would take at least thirty five people up here
in this cockpit to front load the plane. So what
would happen if that tip then, uh to a sky tip?
It would keep the nose, it would keep the snow
the snout down, otherwise known as skip sky tip. This
(26:44):
this guy is good. Yeah, her rough life, but I'm
really trying to dig my way out of it. I
left him, but I'm back. I'm back then, that's cool,
that's cool. Marvin, are you you pee? Needed? To go
to the bathroom. Well, I'm really putting the cock and
cockpit on it. Well you should hear. We should have
(27:07):
got Randy Are for that? What was that? I heard
somebody laughing there a joke? Yeah, Randy. Well, first of all,
we don't know how to fly a plane. Why didn't
you say that? Tat on us? Because you guys have
been on two flights. I mean you're basically pilots at
this point. No, that's not true. I'm freaking the funk out. Well,
(27:27):
maybe I can introduce you to the air marshal. Yep,
this guy is sitting across. He has been our air
mark to point out what you were doing. You were
doing a different So are you his father? It looked
like I'm his father. I'm only ten years older than him.
Oh that's first of all, I'm going to put this
all in my report. You shouldn't have any of us
(27:49):
in here. Baby, baby, I'm freaking the oka. Okay, if
from all right, we can't leave this this flight's not
taking off. I'm sure there's gonna be another one coming
off later to be coming back down, be coming back now,
(28:12):
and this flight is not good. We will we will
have to check in wake traffic control here, Marshall, do that.
I'm in charge up here. I'm the air Marshal. You're
a modest man. I'm freaking the funk out. Okay, Arizona, now,
no funk this guy? You got a gun? Yeah? I
got How did you get that on? Here? Brady? Okay, okay, okay,
(28:36):
this guy's over acting. Okay, Marvin, give me your Marvin's
pooping captain. Did you need anything? Oh? Mine's the party
up in here? Oh? Wrong? The guns? What's happening, Melissa?
If you wouldn't mind just getting us a few ginger as.
That sounds good? Is that too? Gingers? How about injury?
(29:01):
All right? I listen to Mark. I don't want any problems,
but my girlfriend and I we need to get to
the Grand Canyon. Now, she's where she's come out, just
saying you're flying and you're more afraid of committing Yeah, yeah,
because on a planet. Well, I'm just saying the numbers
show that there's I'm more likely to be in a
(29:23):
bad marriage than I am to go down in this flight. Hey. Hey,
somebody's filled out the Sudoku and this interlot magazine. Okay, sorry, sir,
I'll get you a new inflight magazine. Okay, those diabolical
ones are really tough. Captain Bart, do you have any
guidance in the situation. We're both pointing guns at each
(29:43):
other sadly paralyzed, but this situation Keptain Michael as co pilot.
Can I take over? I can also help if you
need gim me. Is a trained pilot. He was only
feigning not knowing. That's why he knew all. I guess
I didn't do so well. It's hard to play dumb
when you're this smart. I'm putting my gun down. I'm
(30:05):
putting my gun to putting my gun down. Okay, I'm
putting guns are down, baby, sanics. I'm going to pick
the guns up, and you're waking the guns out, both
of the guns, these guns, of the guns. You shouldn't
be handling a gun. Do you know how to use
a gun? I do know how to use the gun.
Stop pointing. I know how to use a gun. I
(30:26):
think I don't know how to use a gun. Where
are those ginger rails? I can really use a ginger
rail right now? And now I've got I got two
nines in one box. That's not gonna work. There's gonna
only be one number in the box. Well, I know that,
I know how works. I mean, I guess I'm holding
you sausageer. It's everyone. Okay, here, you let me hold
(30:51):
those guns. Well, I give you the ginger ail. Thank
you very much for the guns. I've got the guns.
Now here we go Ginger and Captain Ginger. I'm gonna
put these guns. That's okay. Wow, that was really intense. Yeah,
that got intense. I'm sorry. I have power up here
in the error and sometimes it goes to my head.
I'm sorry. I just don't have power in my life.
(31:12):
And then I saw two guns on the floor. It's
like maybe I could have power, but like it wasn't
a great idea. I used to have power and then
I feel like she took it away. And that was
felt like, well, it's not true cause someone's just like
intervene and that's not true. I got married. Yeah, I
gave all my power up. At the end of the story,
(31:34):
story story, Mr Mugh gonna get you anything to drink.
I'll have five more gingery is um and what will
you be having for lunch? Did you? I thought it
was a cup of noodles and beer. Last time I
checked I met from the atoms that I personally offered
(31:55):
you when you get on the plane. Oh yes, well
i'll have I don't have checks, make right, I'll have
I will have granola and banana. Don't put words in
my mouth, captain, Captain Bart, you've got to come back
to us. You're freaking out, man, I'm sorry. Hey, we
almost some snapped. I'm sorry. Okay, everything's fine. Calm down.
(32:18):
I don't know we're We're really just skating by a
ten thousand feet right now. Okay, okay, alright, Well if
my teer this thing up, yes, place, yes, place, Let's
see what she can douse problem. Oh yeah, it feels
good with the blue angel. That's what I was about
(32:40):
to say. Yeah, anybody have a message they want to
write in the sky. I don't think this one does.
What if we do a little loop to loop or
something switching a little bit fart? You want to do
an announcement, then we're going to do a loop to loop? Okay,
I do passengers, this is your former captain speak. Come on, Bart,
(33:02):
don't be yourself up. I used to be somebody started
this flight off as somebody I said, boosters up as
somebody and my manhood has been taken away from me
part and so, but may I okay, this is your
co pilot speaking bart is Uh. You know I I
(33:26):
have seen him in action. It's my first time being,
you know, getting the honor of sharing a cockpit with him.
You haven't seen me. But I've been on a lot
of your flight's part and you're great. Part's underselling himself.
Thank you. That's the first time I was able to
trick in let me in. Honestly, I've tried that trick
many times. Well, if you're having trouble your manhood, maybe
I can offer you some nuts. Randy showed himself out.
(33:55):
Bless Randy and Uh. He's hoping that the gig on
the cruise ship works a little bit better than on
the Plean. Our final scene today comes from Joshua, who wrote, Hello,
welcome this especially James Heeney. What do you mind if
I call you Jim Burrino? No, no, no, no, I
(34:18):
don't okay cool. My name is Joshua nettor Hood and
then Parenthaeses. I don't know how to pronounce my surname either.
Have fun and I love the show. Um. Last week
I threw my back up while I was sitting not
easy to do doing absolutely nothing, but still decided to
listen to your new episode, knowing that each belly laugh
would cause me men's agony. That's how much I love
(34:40):
you guys to pitch. Here we go, Uh, In about
a week, I'll be leaving my temp job in Chicago,
driving across the country to San Francisco, where I'll be
joining my mom, my sister, my brother in law, my girlfriend,
and maybe more in what will essentially be a commune,
because that's the only way we can afford rent in
that crazy part of the world. I would love to
hear your version of what I'm about to start. And
(35:02):
then at the end here it says the listeners complain
about the tedious work as uh, my, my work is sensational.
As proof, I spent a good chunk of my day
at the office tracking nineteen nicknames at Kevin Game gave
James and calculating that about were rejected out right. My
favorite one though, was old Donkey see the data set here.
(35:25):
And then I sent you all pictures of this guy chart.
We've got to figure out a way. Yes, we can
do a screen rap. It really was an amazing job.
So thank you, Joshua nettor Hood. And now we take
you to that commune as you are joining the others. Peaches, peaches,
(35:46):
anybody peaches. Got a big basket, fresh basket, fresh peaches.
Thank you, joy say, oh there's plenty for everyone. Yeah, yeah,
I'll need one piece of your clothing for the peach.
Of course, of course you t shirt. I love that shirt.
(36:07):
Thank you. Take my tunic tunic it intries count Yeah,
of course, give you the anklic anklet it is. Hey,
I'll give you one of my one of my shoes. Man, Okay,
I'll give you a pair of shoes for two delicious peaches.
I like your style and the cut of your rookie
(36:27):
stike though you're gonna need your shoes on the island.
This isn't what you think it is. It's not about
giving away as little as possible. It's about equal exchange,
being goods. Do you think a peach is worth more
than an anglic because I thought it was generous. Okay,
if you thought so, then that's fine, that's fine. Just
(36:48):
next time. I mean, we're going to have a meal tonight,
so you might want to consider what you want to
give away for that meal. I'm running out of stuff.
That's kind of the purpose. Yeah, I don't have anything.
I'm completely naked, So how do you get peaches? Well,
once you have nothing, then you get to eat for free.
Ins Oh yeah, and I got to give sex away,
(37:10):
but I was going to give that away for free. Anyway,
you've got to give sex away, giving it away, I have,
I say doing it. It's an exchange. I've gotten an
unlimited feel about this. I'm I'm so blessed to have
landed here and um and be and be able to
(37:34):
just experience. She found two suitcases when she came in.
She's got a while to go. I have, um, the
six pairs of tights that I'm trying to whittle down. First,
I had a bunch of what are you worried about
this six stuff? Am I worried about sex? Now? I
(37:55):
feel like a prode when you say it like that,
I don't mean it in frudish way. I've had sex,
but I'm isn't it just doesn't seem like you have
sex with a peachman? Well, I'll love pages. Well, the
peach man is more than just a peachman. He's the
provider but his knees are covered in scabs. That's because
he works hard for us. Um, we're not. You showed
(38:18):
up here and we're so happy you did. But we
are a family. Obviously rent is mega expensive, so we're
giving always some of our personal things, such a sex,
to make up for the high rent costs. Also, how
judgmental to say that, um, scabs would make you not
(38:40):
to be with a person. I think a scab is
just an outward scar, you know, and you know Jammy
and gross. When I was at Altimont, Man, everybody was
covered in scabs, but there was free love and it
was beautiful. I mean, fraid love sounds nice, but having
(39:02):
to have sex for a peach sounds less. Well, you
don't have to. You also just don't have to eat
the peach. If peaches are your thing. That I thought
it was like a yoga thing. You know, we're going
to eat all right, my family. I've got very on
the nose of what you are cucumbers because I've actually
(39:23):
picked cucumbers provider. Who would like a cuca? I love
have a cucumber the book Cucumber. Let me just place
this cucumber right up here. There we go enjoy your cucumber.
Thank you very much, but I'm going way. Why who
else would like my cucumber? A cucumber? Well, he had
(39:46):
no place else to put it, provider. Tanya seems to
be having a difficult time understanding on the way things working.
I am new, so ye pleasure pleasure. I thought it
was a yoga thing, right. We will be doing yoga, definitely,
we'll be doing yoga. Man, you don't have to do yoga,
but if you'd like to. I'm not concerned about the yoga.
(40:08):
I would like to do the yoga. I don't. I
don't want a cucumber, you know, via the delivery system.
I'm more concerned. I've cash. I brought cash. Get that
out of it. We don't, we don't, don't. Please eyes
not in the share that I was giving. Patience, everyone, Please,
(40:32):
we've talked about this. Tanya's new. You need time. If
you'd like us to take your cash, we'll do that.
But anytime you'd like it back, let us know. I
want you to take it in exchange for goods. Sure,
how much cash? Yes, dear? Should we send Tanya to
the shame tent? Why would she want me to be
(40:54):
in the shame Tin. Well, soon enough, you'll probably a
couple of days in the shame Tent. Don't want to
go to the shime tent. Really has a really good point.
As always, we take it to a vote, all in
favor of the newcomer. Time vote against the shame Tin.
The newcomer who again, I've asked you to be patient,
listen to the provider. I mean, he seems like to
(41:18):
the shame Tent would show a lack of patience. But
as always, the vote is ours. I vote that she
does not go in the shakey Provider. How about your brother,
I say no to the shame t Shame time, sister,
I stand firm on shame Tesse really wants me to
be in the really spent has spent more time in
the shame Tin than anyone else here the moment. It
(41:40):
did a lot for me. You know, when I came
in here, I had a New Zealand accent too, But
I learned to get rid of that because like you know, um,
did you get the brochet? Did you feel tricked? No?
I mean at first maybe, and then I shamed it out.
So I want to sign it out. I don't want
to shign it out. What's your vote. I shamed it
(42:01):
that a long time ago. And I'll tell you what,
I have never been the same sense. He don't love it.
He doesn't actually get a vote. You'll understand enough. What
about you, brother? Where do we stand right now? We're
at to no shame tent and one shame tent, so
this would be the tie. Well, if there's a tie,
I'll break it myself. I'm voting no shame tent. Newcomer.
(42:25):
You don't actually get a vote. Wait, you don't know
the rules here, man, I don't know. She's kind of
making some sense. I'm part of the group signed the
brochure thing, right, But it's your faith that's being decided
by the group. That's the reason. Brother. Let's say, well,
first of all, I'll say, like, don't assume that just
because you're going to the shame tent that you're the
(42:47):
one feeling shame. Man, We're gonna feel shamed for putting
you there, So let's avoid that by not putting anyone
in the shame tin. Maybe we deserve that shame for
judging you in the first place. You both make terrific points,
and now it falls on you, brother, it's a tie.
(43:08):
Three to one. Oh gosh, I think tie goes to
the runner, So get running, okay, White, Oh boy, oh
my god. Welcome to the shame tent time. How are
(43:32):
you my first time? I'm not sure the protocol. You're
doing great? Do I keep my flip flops on or
however you feel comfortable? Okay, I'll keep my flips on. Okay,
here's your robe? What was your name, Tanya? Tanya? Here's
your rope? Darling. Thank you? That's nice. Itchy, Sorry, it's
(43:53):
all right. Some get used to it. It's a bigger
tin than I forget for a shame tin. Are we
that talk? No? You just look at art? I see
what it? Please take this pot? Do I just eat it?
Is it a smirking yeah? Nice to meet you, Tanya.
(44:15):
I am a coyote. Why goody, clioty the pot smoke?
M here we go. I'm feeling a little ashamed, and
why you stare it me? Does make me feel awkward.
I'll join this drum circle for the next three days.
(44:36):
Oh no, oh, no more, same lily. Um. I feel
like we've been growing apart recently. Can you say that
we're in an embrace right now? Our naked bodies laying
(44:58):
in the field and never felt close there. And isn't
that interesting that I feel further away from you than
I've ever felt? What if I do this? Oh god, okay, okay,
that's usually where the cucumbers go. Millie, that's usual, and
that's I think that's part of the problem here. You're
not taking this seriously. Maybe right, Maybe maybe I need
(45:24):
some time in the shame tent. I don't know if
you can just send yourself there, will you quote me?
And wouldn't you? I don't know. It's just the way
you look at Provider recently. It just makes me feel
like I don't know what I want anymore. I don't
know which ways up, I don't know which way is down.
Some it sounds like somebody's going through about of jealousy.
(45:44):
Maybe I am, And that makes me feel shameful. There
you two are. What did you like some cherries today?
Which had some freshly picked cherry? Provider? Would you delay
with us? I know you're busy. I'd be happy to
come and put the best if carry is down coming here? Oh? So,
how are things well? Be just discussing? Yes, No, I'm
(46:11):
uncomfortable lately. And why is that. I thought I was
in a good place and then I felt this. I
thought you were turning of jealousy and resentments coming through talking.
I just feel like I thought Lily was going to
be my partner. He said, we get what you are
his partner. Isn't that right? I own you? Own her? Guy?
(46:31):
A ship? Oh, conn, I'm coming over. What party? We
were just discussing ownership. I'll be with you in a second,
naked Dan, Yeah, take it down or not with you? Guys? Yeah,
that's a good example of quiet. No one owns anyone here.
Why would you use such a word. Oh, I thought
she loves your property. She loves you. Isn't that enough?
(46:55):
I guess not. We left all those properties outside and
I forget that. Okay, that's how we were trained, it's
how we were raised, It's how we were taught. This
is a new order. He loves you, and that love
is more important than anything. Yeah, beautiful provider, that was beautiful.
How do you think Tony is doing? We're all worried
(47:16):
about it too. Okay, this is going crying. Let's take five.
Want to take five? I remember on your third day
you exited the shame tent with no accent. It was
amazing to finally be free. Miracles. That was one of them,
(47:41):
I guess, because we don't have an accent at all
to anybody. Somehow, when we leave the Shame Tent, we're
leaving your life behind, your life behind that. I'm sorry
interrupt guys, just carry on. Well that it was twice.
(48:04):
Have you heard any word on Tanya? Yeah? Man, she's
been in there for three days now. Nobody's lasted. I'm
feeling so much shame. Man. Oh, that's kind of the point.
Should we go out there and uh, shall we check
onto some Let's do it the big Okay? Yeah, can
we call it a wrap on that one? I think
we got that one down. Let's just wrap that one
(48:27):
and start a new track. You'll know when it's done.
You'll know when it's done, greeting when it's done, Tanya,
don't know when have I done? How are you feeling?
You know? I feel renewed, I I feel thirsty, and
(48:47):
we have lots of one. Did you see coyotes in
a drum circle? There's nothing in this tent? Man, Oh man,
there's nothing in the tent. Oh my god, you're fine
when you bring in how did you know I was
going to bring in kyos circle. Welcome to the rest
of your life. Here's some water, d is Lily's saliva.
(49:15):
Oh we are, we are one. Wow, it's really delicious.
Try the strange fresh squeezed. That's actually I can't wait, actually,
brothers Urine. Yeah, yeah, we preserve that. We preserved that
(49:36):
back during the Reagan administration. Thank you for both of
these gifts. I wish I had something to give and
return to you already gave out. Here are your shoes?
Wear them? Well, thank you. All right, we'll take the rope. Oh,
here you go. You won't need the head anymore. Okay,
(49:57):
remember everybody, it's a good time to remember brother. If
ever you want to leave and go into the real
estate market that is San Francisco. Oh, good luck, I'm
feel free. Good luck, I feel free. Right. The hates change, man,
the castros changed. Tender Loin is still the same. Yeah,
(50:19):
tell us about the last time you were there. Oh, man,
well I was. I was looking for some uppers in
the Tenderloin. And yeah, brother, you do. I'm okay, man, hey,
looking looking the trade man, looking to what you got.
(50:41):
I'm willing to give sexual favors what do you think
I got? Alright, here's some uppers. There's some uppers, all right,
man take them? Oh man, a bad trip? Oh fuck,
bad trip. Wow, that's a referend. Yeah, he came to
(51:06):
her shortly thereafter. Did you have to do the favors? No?
I didn't. I did have to start a tech company though,
you know Uber Uber that was mine? That was my No. Yeah,
how do you spell that? Oh? Oh b r like
(51:26):
gouber without the G for a minute, never mind, Look
at the time. It's time for me to leave you all, Lily.
I'll miss you. What are you doing with a watch man?
Where is he going? You'll know it's not only do
I have to watch I have this blazer. Wow, and
its sharp? That's my blazer. What are you doing? It's
(51:51):
time for me to go. Are you going back? I'm
coming back. We'll miss you, dar, I've just been all
this time in the shame town. Well, you enjoy yourself.
Remember we're here for you if you want back into
this world. Okay, any advice for me as I don't go,
don't go. I drank that man's piss. I drank that
woman's spit. Now people are just leaving and you're you're
(52:13):
headed out there with nothing. You're going to just walk
out into San Francisco and try and get in a blazer,
watch and nothing else. I'm gonna fit right in. We'll
see you soon, God Spain. Shall we draw circle him out?
Let's take it from the top and so are you
(52:35):
still Australian jumped down and our producer Doug Bane, our
engineer saying, please bang the table more. Nothing sounds more
delightful in the podcast and the distant table Pound thank
all of our alchemists today. Let's go around, uh slowly
but surely, starting with our guests alchemists. I can't I
(53:00):
didn't say Amanda Blake Nelson as hardly and as deeply
and as sincerely as I thought I would. Amanda Blake Davis,
thank you how much for being with you. Come back
and see us soon. Please. Where can folks find you?
West Side Comedy Theater course with heyde Day. You can
come see me at Baby Once Candy on Friday nights
(53:21):
you ceb sunset fantastic. Yeah all right? Uh social media,
do you want to shout that out? Yeah? If you like,
if you love little dogs, then follow me at Miss
Amanda Blake on Instagram to see my dog Linda, Linda.
I love the name Linda. Yeah, she's grateful. It's a
(53:42):
strong name. Christop Barado. What do you got for um?
Not much, just really thankful of gratitude. We're all thanks
feeling good. Yeah, that's that. Don't just be thankful in November.
Hey you're around baby? Is it November? Okay, that's that thanksgiving.
I tend to be just thankful in November. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I know you can do it your It turns out
(54:04):
thanks to you. I know. It's okay. Now, James Ceney
on the Real James ceni YouTube channel, please check out
this rusher thing where I played John Bolton. I'm excited
about this. It's for it's the most terrible, amazing impression
of John Bolton. Uh And folks find it at the
Real James Ceni Yes, okay. Craig Kowski at Kaikowski on
(54:27):
Twitter or at Orange Sucks Improv for shows with me
and my wife Carla. You can see us around town
at the West Side Comedy Theater occasionally the Second City.
And we're going to Warsaw, Poland that's exciting as hell. Yeah.
Back to the homeland, as it were, but that's Dnasy
typewriter dot com. Check the calendar, the amazing events. Yeah,
(54:50):
I just found Linda on Instagram. Big fan, immediate fan. Yeah,
you can see my dog corn Bread barely and my
son more on my Instagram. Sure I'm not as cute
as Linda. I'm on record, you're a giver, not a taker.
And thanks to our engineer Doug Bame. Thank you Du
and our post sound design artists Raphaelbrito, our producer Sophie
(55:14):
Lichtman Litman and lastly I Heard Media of course, thanks
for the auspiceys and the support. I encourage all of
you to write a review for the show. It would
help us a whole bunch. Tell everyone you've ever met
as always, and write to us at your name here
this dot com on the way out. But I would
like for the people who to write in to also
give us their social media handle, because it'd be kind
of fun to tag them in these difference suggestions. Yeah,
(55:38):
when you're write to the website at your name here,
lock me this dot com. If you want to join
that circle, we'd love to welcome you in and share
whatever you have for regarding this show or parts of
your own shows. That is life through our social media
as well. Yeah, we'd love to expand the community. Thank
you Christ. It's a great day social media manage. Yeah,
(55:59):
I've been tuh know, he's a killer and uh we
have set him free needless the same. Your name here
atlcomy this dot com Until next time, I'm Kevin Pollock.
That's
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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