February 14, 2019 • 61 mins
From Listener Mail: Things go a little sideways when a man attempts to help and ultimately take control of an accident scene. A production office for a wrestling federation, wherein new names and characters are created and then cast. Getting an official sit down with the local Mafia don are as difficult as you might think… A plug for the members of Alchemy This performing LIVE on March 13th at Westside Comedy Theater.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to Alchemy this. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock, Yes,
that Kevin Pollard. That which would I rather? Well, I
guess I'm gonna go with being Satan's fluffer dear pals
and gals. By definition, alchemy is quote when a person
or persons create something through a seemingly magical process. Well,
during a health storm last summer in Missoula, mon town
of the idea struck what I brought together the right
(00:23):
creative people and ask them to make stuff up based
on my own twisted ideas and the nonfertive podcast of
the seemingly magical process, and I would call it alchemy?
Is now really the time to breed dogs and chickens? Well,
people in nincom boots. After a bit of title tinkering,
I'm so very proud to present to you another episode,
Oh Alchemy. This, Let's meet our Alchemist, shall you? In
(00:44):
no particular order, say hello to Chris Oporado. Cree. How
will you know when you're there? I think I think
my bank account will let me know. It's all about
the most so very telling, blow the man down. It's greer,
greer me Seymour, are you hanging? Wait? What was my intro.
Blow the man down. Yeah, okay, oh hang um fucking
(01:12):
loose dude. Okay, all right, you want to work blue,
that's fine, kicking up, slow down your jam. It's Vanessa
Raglan Venetia. Have you been to Australian If so, what
surprised you? Oh? I have Canberra's boring. What I mean,
it's the capital and it's a little bit boring. But
the beautiful coast yeah yeah, super beautiful fan Yeah. Uh
(01:37):
well it's Greigkowski toime again. People. Okay, cow what's your
favorite color? And why isn't it c foam? It is mine?
Oh and you come to your certain sea foam captain
yesterday and you've done it again last but go screw you.
If you think of leash, Mr James C Jimmy, can
(01:58):
I call you Doctor Strange, then we think, wow, that's
one of my favorite Marvel superheroes. Absolutely can. I I
appreciate if you got to the car now and get
whatever Doctor Strange app that you have. I'll be right
back to lock the doors. Lock the doors, uh, Raphael,
I'd like the sound of someone leaving the room, locking
the doors and driving away. All right. Today's suggestion scene
(02:22):
suggestion come from your listener. Mail scene one was from
Cade Smith, who wrote, one time I was a witness
to a car accident which I had to write a
witness report for these small town cop who was on
his first week on the job. There was a woman
on the ground and her husband drove away, yelling I
don't have insurance. Meanwhile, meth lab exploded nearby and the
(02:44):
cop had to go see about that. He left me
in charge of the accident scene. I collected reports and
also helped the u D. Also, while waiting, a man
who had his head wrapped up in gauze approached me
and asked if I needed a witness uh to do
what happened because he saw the whole thing, apparently through gause.
(03:10):
So I finished up reports, slapped the back of the ambulance,
convinced the cop that the other person was the car
was totaled, and then went back to college. Oh we
now take you, Yes, Kate, that's Kate Smith. We now
take you to the What would you like to have
(03:31):
in the temperature or start the timer? I thought that
maybe the timer would be very helpful. You all have phones.
Thanks for not taking in my face. All right, we'll
take you to that accent or something like it. Stephanie,
get in my office right now, Stephanie, I'm here. How
long have you been on this police force? Have been
(03:53):
upwards of umpteen days? Teen days exactly. We're not sure.
In fact, I'm even sure you're on the books here.
I'm on the books. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm on
the books. I'm looking through the record here. You seem
wrote your name in everywhere I did, okay, using red ink. Okay,
that's not what we do here. I'm sorry. Yeah, you
should be stuff. Okay, you should be. Are you mad
(04:15):
about the other night? Or yeah? I am mad about
the other night? All right, you came into my house.
I seven did it with my family. Okay. You can't
just come up with me and just say I got
a new case, sergeant. All right, but you'd be happy
for me, I'm not. I am happy. Yes, I'm happy
for you. But these cases, I feel you're just coming
up with them. You meet people on the street, I'm
finding them, you're finding Okay, let me just go through
(04:35):
some of these cases and you. Okay, let's here we go. Okay.
Elderly woman on Elk Street, you said that she was mugged,
all right, she was. She was attacked by some dire
wolves or such. All right, that's what it looks like.
What it looks like. It was her dog. It was
her Yorkshire bitter and ankle ran away. We failed the animal. Okay,
(04:56):
that one case is closed, Yes, Stephanie, let's do another
one here. Streets are getting safer. So there was a
bank heist. I did say that a gentleman lost fifteen dollars.
That's correct. Okay, that's not a bank heist, is it.
It's not was he was near the bank, Okay, on
the same block as the bank, alright, where two weeks ago,
(05:17):
a few suspicious things were seen, including someone tagging a building. Someone.
Someone was tagging a building, So that seems like a
clue to a bank eist. Someone was tagging a building.
There was a clue to the bank. That's what I
put together. Okay, well, hold on, go on. This is
interesting about this. So I was on my morning jog
(05:38):
and I saw a young miss Grant. I wanted to
say any more than that, but like he could tell
he was bad by just looking at him, five around him.
I don't want to describe him because I feel no
I feel like that's like, you know, crossing one we
need a description of because I can't play into stereotypes.
You know what, who was? It was a man, a boy,
(05:59):
it was male? Okay, it was to my feeling, I
don't know. I mean that feels like who am I
to say? You have to say you are a police officer? Okay?
Well I the human um was you know, ish around
my tight? But you could just tell shifty. Okay, you
know what I'm putting you. Manetti on this case? Manetti,
(06:19):
get in here, Manetti, Yeah, all right, Manetti and Stephanie
you're on this case. No, I don't want to walk
with her. Look, Manetti, I don't give a god damn,
you got sixteen. Oh it's not great for you. It's
not great for me. I don't care who it's great for.
It's gonna be great for the city. You got that. Yes,
I get the hell out of here. I do not
don't talk to the captain. I'm the sergeant. Remembered that, Okay,
(06:42):
sargeant only ownly. The captain has been weird. All right,
let's go, No, Manetti, let's go. Fine, I'm driving, all right,
Oh interesting, I'll be I'll be driving as well. Right
beside you. I'll do a follow up. Yeah, who's driving?
You know what? Neither of you are driving? Take the segway.
(07:02):
I call Francis. What's going on? You too? Leaving? Leaving
for a case. Yes, let me in on it. Huh
oh captain, um, you know what? There's there's us scones
in the breakroom. Scones. Yeah, I wish we could tell
you about the Oh, is there clotted cream? I think
that they were bringing some clotted strawberries. I only like
(07:24):
to have the traditional British right, of course, you do,
you anglophile. Proud of both of you. Thank you. Well,
we gotta we gotta, we gotta, we gotta skip. Let
go on my shoulders. Sorry, my wife is all right.
Good luck. These segways ain't too bad? What the segways
(07:51):
ain't too bad? He was? I don't want to describe him. Okay,
wait wait wait wait, low down, slow down, slow down
slow look look look look it up. Look over there
a cat. No, no, I'm talking about the man's heavy cat.
The man behind them with the gun. Oh all right,
(08:14):
he looks suspicious. You get down from that damn tree
right now. I'll shoot you in the eye. Get down
from the tree. Get down from the What did I say, Sammy,
get down from the tree. Who wants treats or a
bullet in the eye? What's it gonna be? Backup? Definitely
called soft treats bold and let's go over this again,
(08:36):
my god, tasty treats, bold and the eye. You want
to take one like Mawgreen and the guyfathers. I was
telling me, Sammy, because that's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna
shoot you, all right. This is not a joke. You
got up there by yourself. Clearly you need to get
down by yourself. I ain't climbing up. Should we shoot him?
Draw your firearm? Do you not understand when I say
(08:57):
it's food time? You seem to understand me? Just all right?
So now I'm saying, get down from a damn tree.
What was that I'm going in, sir? Sir? Yeah, that's
freeze dried coffee. What the fun is going on with astronaut?
He's an astronaut? Yeah, but your hair, your well, you
(09:21):
have a gun that it's not a gun. What it
is that it's a water hose. I'm trying to get
my cat down from a tree. And I was going
to shoot him in the eye with the water hose. Alright, sir.
And then you too showed up on what bicycles would
know by a wheels? What are these? What does that?
What does that mean? Um? We gotta propel it with
our own to talk to this guy. Alright, Lieutenant Garrett,
(09:41):
here I was called for back up. There's a man
with a gun. Yeah, there's a hose connected to that nozzle. Yeah,
it's a lieutenant. Squeezeutenant, I'm think I'm losing. What are
you doing? I'm having put your gun? No, no, I
I don't think i'm fit anymore. Captin Sorry, Lieutenant Manettie
(10:05):
get ahold yourself. Stephanie, are you okay? I'm great. Still
worried about the cat. Could anyone please help me get
the cat down? I mean if you tried like a
kitty kitty kitty kind of thing. What is that? You
know you got kitty don't? The cat's name is Sammy.
It's gonna reply. I've worked with cats for you. Kitty
(10:26):
kitty kitty kitty in ing. Hey, Sam, I need a
I need a sandwich place. Hey, one of my specialty sandwiches. Sam.
You ever you ever have a day where you just
feel off. No, because every day I got open the
(10:47):
shop at six am and make sandwiches all day. It's
a great life and I'm feeding my family. Look at you, Sam,
m hmm, I ain't doing so hot. Uh huh. Today
I almost shot a man who was carrying a water hose.
I I asked my partner to dry her gun. You
(11:08):
want the mootsarel, you have the mood. Sixteen days I
have left? H just what why are you? Why is
everybody in this dinner laughing at me? Face? These guys
(11:32):
Mozarella's good old. Can somebody play a tiny violet? I'm
losing my mind. I thought i'd find you here, Lieutenant.
You've only got sixteen days left. You gotta pull yourself together.
I don't know, I don't know if I can exposition
(11:53):
this is This is a private matter with police department. Yeah,
you're in a public space, Shay, sammy Les, get the roots,
all right, get the roots. Take it easy on the
school to pay you man Eddie. Why do you come
to this deli all the time? Well? Sam is uh,
he is a source of comfort for me. It seems
like they specifically harass you, but it's like cheers, like
(12:16):
the anti cheers. Yeah, it's really like the anti cheers.
These guys are jeering you. Yeah, you want you want you,
you want your sandwich? Cutting half like much respect this
this this My grandmother was tasted like that. No, man,
(12:39):
you don't deserve this holy ship. Come on, a fine
police officer, he's sixteen days from retirement. You know what,
give me a sandwich for free. Maybe, yeah, you know,
in the honor of your service and whatnot, use the
sandwich and then go get your I'm let's get out
(13:04):
of let's get out of here. Changing, changing, Pappa, Sam,
Pappa Sama? What what is it? Tino? Papa? What is it? Tino? Hungry?
You as feed us your feeds? Papa? You didn't give
a one no sandwiches today. I gave away a sandwich. Yeah,
(13:27):
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I
didn't make any money. Swich where we get what happens?
(13:48):
It looks like this, uh, this family, this Italian sandwich
film got right over. What are you talking about? I'm
talking about a crime scene here? Sorry, everything, do you
need a witness? Jesus Christy, it's not a lot of guys.
If you've seen. How about your head on it last week?
A way opposite opposite had a little too much played
(14:15):
the whole thing you did. Yeah, okay, so what exactly happened?
You want to get at your notepad? Maybe maybe we
don't have to yell each other, but maybe we both time.
You do the right and I do the listening. I'm
just saying that we both can do this. Do the listening.
We both do listening. Okay, I have to listen to
write it down. Hey, lieutenant, I just got uh, I
(14:36):
just see here on my phone a car drove through
sam sandwich shot. Yeah, that sandwich shot that they treated
you like. And now everyone, everyone there's dead. Yeah exactly
that could have been me. Were you thinking that should happen?
Who are you? Sir? I'm just wow. This is a
private police I thought it was. Okay, okay, what's going on? Everyone?
(15:00):
I think I can help with what the fun is going? One? Tennant?
You have this under control? I got it, Captain, Okay, Actually, Minetti,
here's feeling bad? Captain? It's fine. Um, why don't there's
fresh blueberry? Um? What's British? What's fresh blueberry? That sounds wonderful.
(15:23):
I think my son doesn't understand me. You really know
how to work with him pretty well. Oh it's no problem.
I have a really bonker's family. But Eddie, back to
what you were saying, I'm just saying I thought about
the car driving happened. Oh I was, I was. I
was there moments before and then and then I talked.
(15:46):
You think you were saved for purpose. I think we
should have got You're sixteen days out. You want to extend.
I want to extend, you want to extend. I want
to be seven teen days lieutenant. Oh alright, everybody calmed down.
(16:07):
I just got you, I just got you. Holy just
spending four hours this one. I think my first I
uh matter of business should be to figure out what
happened over at Sam's. Sure alright? And also on the case,
where am I still in the bankais or the tagging guy?
What do you guys want me on? I've been finding
cases everywhere, the tagging suge but around the thing. This
(16:30):
is what's gonna go down, all right, this is what's
gonna happen. Stephanetti, I want both of you to go
deal with that temple case way, don't fall in love? Yeah, anyway,
some occult ship going down there, apparently trying to raise
the dead. Random gentleman and lieutenant. I want you too
to go down and check out the Sam issue. Okay, captain,
Captain please in the other room drinking right, Captain, just
(16:53):
stay in there, all right, the gap Captain. Let's go
to scene too, shall we. This one, weirdly also requested
by Kate Smith. He had a couple of good ones. Yeah,
(17:15):
maybe not assumed that he could be today. I was
thinking today Smith, Uh, far less details than his first one.
He simply suggests the writer's room at the w w
E headquarters where they can come up with wrestler names
(17:36):
and backstories for the wrestlers. And then I would add,
maybe add to this that perhaps once the names and
backstories have been created in the writer's room, that they
interview a couple of potential people to portrays said created
WWE wrestlers. We take you there. Now, I'm just spitballing.
(17:58):
I think everything needs a hot flat How about this
flat feet flat feet story? Well, let's let's let's toss
it around. Is a military dodger? Oh no, that's interesting drama.
He got dodge based on his flat feet. He had
flat feet and couldn't serve. But is that a hero
(18:20):
that the kids are going to really? Yeah, the villains
gotta have the villains flat feet and it comes out
and he has trouble walking. I think we should probably
get it to get the heart of his motivation. Though,
what are you thinking? Is the flat feet leading him
to villainy or is it merely a fatal flaw? I mean, Randolph, basically,
that's what I was saying. But now with your accident,
(18:41):
everyone's going to give you credit saying, yeah, Bill Shakespeare,
why don't you take it from here? Okay? So flat
Feet has a tragic backstory starting with starting with the
death of his parents at an early age that he witnessed,
that he witnessed. Did he do it? Perhaps we can
leave that ambiguity, but we will have to make that
(19:01):
decision down the line. Right, Maybe the hero of the
wrestler finds out and brings it into the ring and
absolutely killed your parents. So it grows up with a
lot of pain, Yes, yes, a lot of pain, a
lot of pain. Never went to school, but big inheritance?
Did he get a big inheritance? Yes? It feels like Batman.
I'm gonna be honest with you. It's starting to feel
(19:22):
a little Bruce Wayne, Yes, did Batman draft touch? I
don't know for paid himself out of that? I'm sure
he was very wealthy. You can't pay yourself out of
the draft. Men, do you want to look that up
for us? Place on it? Thank you many. Wait a second,
so I'll take a second. Did Batman was Bruce Wayne
to draft? Draft that? He was? Well? Look at that,
(19:46):
look at that. It's been done. Well, I'm just not
sure that they have Batman. And where are you from? Well,
just London? Yeah, do they have Batman in London? Yes?
They do. Okay, well they didn't have no excuse? Okay,
was platiarism. We've got to watch. Look, I apologize every
time I propose a new character. It's the Batman backstory.
(20:07):
And listen, this is a safe room, all right, So
there's no bad ideas. Let's get off flatfoot. Let's go
on to another one. Jim, Jim, you had an idea.
I got an idea. All right. This guy is called
the snake King, good name name, Snake King. Alright, what's
gonna happen is we're gonna take this guy. We're gonna
a woman where we don't know. Yeah, right, but King
(20:28):
could be what and we're gonna, you know, sow live
snakes into their skin, right, so they're gonna be part
of their finishing move. You want the snakes under the skin? No, no, no,
on top outside, kind of like medusable hanging offto snakes.
Snakes hanging off the skin, live snakes, Mandy, can you please?
You can't do it? Of course you can't know, you can't,
so snakes on someone? Stop? Have you ever talked to Peter?
(20:51):
Have you ever been on a call with They're going
to eat you a lot? I'm sure that they're not,
because I'm they're not gonna eat me, Mandy. Anybody got
snakes hanging off him? No? If he could have some
sort of utility belt that would like that. We just
want to recap a quick recap here. So we have
(21:12):
a flat foot snake king. Prior to that we had
Meterman and uh say what you say it's embarrassing. No,
it's not embarrassing. There's nothing embarrassing about the human body. Okay,
and the big butt boy, I think we should go
back there big butt boy just for a second, because Bill,
(21:35):
you said he was going to knock people down with
his big butt and he had that old man is
the Yes, yes, he has a butler who works with him.
I see like that and uh, and then he'll go
into the butt cave and then the old man goes
into the bat But that's what I'm asking big, big,
(21:57):
big butt boy can drive the buttmobile directly. Like I've
seen a pornography film that was a parody of Batman. Title. Well,
I'm in the top on the latest pornography. What's the
name of the film. What's the title, big but bad boy.
He does he can't talk about I don't feel safe.
(22:18):
You can't talk about porn in here? Can we stop
with the porn talk? I think it's a big inspiration.
And you bring me in the writing room, I bring
my experience. I know I'm just taking notes here, but
we have a big pay per view subscription base that
we need to satisfy. You need to come up with
two or three strong characters right now because we have
(22:39):
two men outside. I'm sorry, we have two men outside
who are waiting to to to take on their new
PERSONA got into Mendy familiar with take control, Mendy. I
just had secretary something about, yeah, take control to take
control six like hungry, psychotic no no offense and crazy cycles.
(23:08):
Psychle takes control of every situation. Oh, her glasses have
like a dagger glasses and she shows up with two
guys waiting outside. That's happening right now. She's got a
grinding at the moment, like she uses the laptop to
knock people down. And just a keyboard some kind of
clear your schedule, go ahead, some kind of signal in
(23:30):
the sky. Yes, yes, like that. Okay, so we like you, secretary,
read back what we got for Secretary, got it. So
she's she wears glasses, she wants to take control of everything.
She's got a grinding voice. She knocks people down with
her laptop, just the just the keyboard. Yeah, people schedule,
(23:52):
that's one of the cats. I'm gonna clear. I'm going
to clear your schedule, you know, like leaps of building
in a single bound clears your schedule. A couple of
single building in a signal, you know what, maybe leases
the building. Many Yeah, that was that Jewish superhero. I
was telling you guys about Superman and you didn't like
(24:15):
the idea. Iman. Yeah, right, it's a Superman. We have Superman.
Superman Superman, Superman, Yeah, Superman. Well, um, if you'd like,
I can bring in the two gentlemen. Yeah, let's bring them.
Maybe which persona fits persona personae? Alright, that's a thing,
(24:39):
that's the thing. But that's got nothing to do with that.
I'm just a secretary, secretary, secretary, Okay, I'll bring them in. Okay,
are we ready for this? Prime way? These guys are
coming in. I think the pressure secretary is putting on us.
It's okay, yeah, I think the pressure is on the individual.
I why don't you lead it that? Alright, Jim, Okay,
all right, let's do it. All right? What a good
(25:01):
Hi boys, Hi? Hi's you. I'm the secretary here. You
know I'm supposed to be in here for the w
w E audition. Oh I know why you're here. Sorry?
And oh tag tag team. We're definitely looking for tag teams. Set.
So here's the thing. We know that you already have
(25:23):
your thing. We know that you've done the indie circuits
and you've even built a following. We gotta follow him.
We're gonna change that. We have a couple of other
personas for you to try on. Change. I don't change. Well,
this is the w w E. This is the big show.
(25:44):
This is going to be interchangeable with ringworm tape form.
I'm just the secretary. They're ready to see you now,
right now, we make sure that a gentleman, Hello, gentlemen,
lady and gentlemen. You know these cells. Would you mind
(26:05):
taking your shoes off? Please choose them over. It's the
new carpet. Sorry, I got sorry, I got dirt on
my boots. Yeah, exactly, a lot of dirt on your boots.
I don't know what you want. You got dirt under
the boots to look at those scary dirty toes. Yeah,
I got dirt everywhere. We're from the country. They have
socks in the country. Well, it's a little extra patty
(26:27):
between the shoe and your foot. Well, I know what
socks are you. We have them, but we don't use
them because we usually have shoes on it. It's waste
before both all right, fellas, we've got a couple of characters.
We'd like to run passion and see what you can
make it. We've been doing our thing for so long.
I don't know. We want to change them. No, you
don't want to further your career. Do you want to
further your career, yes or no? Yes or no? You
(26:49):
want to keep fighting a little mud pits in the
middle of but nowhere, Okay, then get ready to act voice.
I think he does nowhere alright, so I'll hear him out.
I'll hear him out alright, alright, what's just that we've
seen what you guys have been doing for seventeen years
and uh it's backyard wrestling. That's I'm sorry? Can I
(27:11):
talk to my people for a second? I thought I
was gonna lead this? Why do we want? You didn't
say one thing. I understand that, but like I feel
like I was supposed to lead it, and then I
haven't said a word yet. That's on you. Let's try
that version. Let's try that version. Oh great, great, So
we're making so we're done here were I can't even
we're done talking one thing? I say, what are you saying?
(27:33):
One thing? And then then they have more qualifications to
be here than you do in this business for fourteen years? Okay,
s does you want to lead it? Do you want?
I would love to, alright, you know that's what the
leader does. The leader does that? Fascinating. Maybe Captain Cave,
what's the maybe a character Captain cave. Well, the guy
(27:56):
just caves no matter what happened. Are you talking to me? Great?
That's me? Is that for me? Is that for me?
Is that? Who's that guy? What hadn't you talked before?
I'm an executive here, Okay, I'm one of the character creators. Okay,
I'll take over from here. So mindy, gun ahead, right,
you're probably familiar with the actual necessary. I don't know.
(28:19):
Was that me? It could have been it could have
been a chair. It was Oh funny, Now we all know. Huh.
I guess I'm out of it. I guess everyone knows
it was me. Who did it? Excuse those fellows? Lloyd,
what's going on? What did you tell me? Huh? Is
it Mendy? Oh no, it's not Mandy It maybe maybe, maybe,
maybe everyone? Maybe everyone's a piece of ship. Lloyd, you
have a snake? Tell me out of your neck? Yeah?
(28:42):
Maybe I want a little above and beyond here, and
I want to show you a prototype of the character.
I'm thinking of what Nick King is legit? What's the
name snake? The snake doesn't have a name. You might
be pretty shirt back on? My shirt needs to be off.
I'm getting not wait, you turned into the into the
snake came. What's happening? And what's happening? Oh my god?
You tapework up, ship fellow. It's time to do your
(29:05):
try your magic moves, but a whole lot before you do,
you're not ring working worm and tapework your butt boy secretary,
go get it. But they kicked down. Put him down, Okay,
don't drow up on the put him grab him. Well
(29:27):
he's not. He's not playing along with my moods. I'm
gonna get all up and your intestine to be a parriside.
That's all I know. It's all I know. Listening not
going great. I'm sorry. Can I can I get the
butt boy and snaking T shirts? Please? Yeah? Absolutely? Fifty apiece,
(29:48):
a big credit card, a cash okay, Jesus Christ, okay,
all right here here thanks Visa. All right. Declaimed cretic
has been declined. Betty likes cash, so I love cash.
(30:12):
I can break it. I can break it on the
knot out, but we don't have change. That's what you're
looking then, I think we're going to have to skip
the shirt. You Now, if you just add three more
crop tops, that's going to hit you at a hundred.
She's got a good point. You could sell the crop
tops after you leave here. That we don't care what
you're doing. We don't care Christmas gifts, Birthday gifts, East
(30:34):
to gift, great East to give. I feel like there's
a lot of pressure on this sale here, and we
don't want to break your kids. We just don't want
to break kids. Maybe you want to break its, sorry,
but we'd rather not. He who doesn't love who loves boy? Well, dad,
do you really need this shirt? Kind of question? He does?
Look at that kids? Fine here, thank you, Thank you, Jo,
(30:55):
thank you. Get a hot dog over there. I don't
have any more money. That was such a cool match.
I really enjoyed the fights. I was cool. You're the
best big brother I have ever had. My last big
brother took me to bowling. This is way cooler, good good.
(31:16):
I'm glad you like man. I wish you were. This
is gonna be weird. I wish you were my real
big brother. Well, you know you knew what you signed
up for when it started. Well, I didn't sign up
the city sign me up? Okay, I mean you went
some cod candy. Know who's your favorite? Is a boy
or the snake king snaking. Oh he's mine too, He's
(31:37):
mine too. Would you like another Manhattan up with a twist? Absolutely? Man,
it would be so crazy if like, instead of you
dropped me off back at the home, that if like
we like hung out, we went to your place and
I spend the night there, that would be oh man, yeah, yeah,
that would be uh. I mean I'm kind of between places.
(32:00):
So I'm totally used to that. What's that? I'm used
to that? Sorry? So I got a text? Oh yeah,
no problem, snaking and a snaking and here you are
and still nothing for your friend. He's not my friend,
he's my brother. He's my brother. How long have you
(32:20):
worked here? Oh? Seven months? Yeah, it's been the best
of times and the worst of times. I love your suit.
Oh thank you. I'm a kind of hungerd oh he
said nothing for you? Oh do you want to give
him something? Who's that? Oh? I'm sorry, my mistake. I
(32:44):
get off in about thirty minutes, no reason. Let's make
it fifteen. Who do you like better? But? Boy, are snaking?
Pardon me? Watch this. I'm gonna do the sneaking. Snap
snap snap snap stap. Cool. He's he's like my brother.
And he likes a sneaking too. Not no, no, no no,
(33:07):
not like my blood, but like he really helps me out.
You've heard of court ordered community service, right, I have?
He has very familiar myself. Do you want to get
out of here? Yeah, let's go? All right, cool, let's go.
Where are we going? Where? Where are we going? A
little boy? I can't have you just a room in
the halls here alone is a parent or guarding around?
(33:30):
Uh yeah, well where are there there? Peen? Hey, where's
the ice machine? Ice machine? It's gonna be right there
behind the lockers. Look at that. That's that's my uncle.
That's your uncle. Yeah, we were looking for ice. Well,
he didn't make eye contact with you. We're playing a game. Okay,
we're playing a game. What is his name? But boy?
(33:52):
But his name is but Boy. Well, yeah, we were
playing a game and I'm the sneaking and he's but boy,
and so he's mad at me, so he's not so
so I'm gonna go, Hey, if you don't have a guardian,
we're gonna have to lock you up. What do you
mean all right, there's no one here to score you around.
We're gonna to put you a little kid, prison. All right,
there's a little kid prison. Sorry hello, yeah, but how late?
(34:18):
Room servers? Rooms? Hold on one second? Hello yeah. Room
service goes all night until eleven, all night until eleven,
all night until eleven am. Well that's not all nine,
but it is all night. It goes until eleven am. Well,
I understand if you go to bed at eleven nights
all night. I'd like to have a pizza about one am,
(34:40):
but you can. It's eleven am. Oh goes to eleven am.
I don't think. I just say yea, yeah, I did
several times. What's your name again? My name is all right?
M okay, you got a littlelaw on you. I'll call back. Okay,
this is kid prison. Hug. Yeah. I thought you guys
(35:04):
are gonna be tougher, but you're not. You don't know jesus, Hey, hi,
you smoke? How are you? I'm about five going on
fifty's been here the longest. I kind of look up
to her. I got sticky everything. What did you guys
do to get in here? What was your crimes? I
(35:26):
just was on accompanied in a same thing. I was
on a company in a toilet stall. Well, you shouldn't
be accompanied in a toilet stall anyway, That's what I said.
I kind of ladies, Achilles. He listen up creative artistry
in fifteen minutes. You hear that? Why? Why why are
(35:49):
we even why are we even look like making macaroni necklaces? No,
you're just your institutional I mean, look at your little fingers.
Oh my, you have anything. I'm like the Snake King.
You guys like the snake King? What then? He's my
favorite wrestler. You know what he would do in this situation,
(36:10):
He bust on out? Why are you show you what
that would look? Ye, it's bust out. It's just a
sliding glass door. We could just open it. We could
just open we could just open it. Why I'm doing it?
But one thing, I'm not gonna look back. I'm gonna
walk out. So if you're behind me, that's on you.
All right, I'm gonna come with you. But let me
(36:31):
warn you. Every child that's left here on a company
has face certain do so it's risky. The guards are
not friendly. You make mcroney necklaces and you keep your
head down. The snaking would say to that, Okay, Margot,
do you don't think this is a good idea I'm
(36:53):
not going nowhere because she's scared. No, it's because I
got sixteen days last party. Cat, scaredy cat, you come here,
Scarity Cat's gonna claw your eyeballs out. I don't have
time for this. Fight. Fight fight over here. Trying to
tease the new kettle less much use the alphabet. How
(37:18):
about some smoke? Screw you got it? Marborough's unfiltered for
everybody unfiltered. Please, we're going to cap Sons today. Any
cap Sons into the cafeteria. You got the smokes, the
cap Sons, you're gonna have to use it on credit.
Will use your cigarette of straws. Yes, I'm at here,
(37:40):
So long, suckers. Good good luck, Snake King. I'm sorry
too scared to come with you. Good luck to you
well on the other side. Right, so, I have a
Manhattan up with a twist for the gentleman and for
the woman. I have a Vesper Martini. You got it right,
and you were Chip will reflect that. I am a server,
(38:03):
so I get it. It's such a grind. Keep it open. Yes, sir,
that's a very nice macaroni necklace. Oh my god, thank you.
Where did it come from? Child labor a funny story,
but yes, a little bit of fast fashion. Do you
not want to eat the macarona? You can chew on
it an it's covered in glue though. So yeah, you
(38:31):
feel like I'm supposed to be somewhere. What do you?
I think you're living in the moment to unexpected events?
Excuse me? Table for one? Please? Okay? Would see at
the bar? That'll do. Here's our drink menu. Were in
happy hours and needed fifteen Manhattan please? Yes, sir? Would
you like that on the rocks? Are up? On the
(38:53):
rocks are up, sir, that'll do? Macy already? Okay, uh,
this is this is construction papers. Is there a problem?
Not at all? Manhattan coming right away? Does that kid
look familiar to you? I he looks like a child
to me. They all look the same. No pores, no pores.
(39:20):
I'm so jealous. I want to kill him and steal
his skins. Oh shut up, Oh my god, you have pecks.
Justout them. Pardon my reach and pardon it again. You
are Manhattan on the rocks in the Manhattan up? Is
Does this bar sturdy enough to stand on, like to
do a jump off of? Without a doubt? Yes, sir?
(39:42):
Whoa Listen up, everybody. I'm I'm the Snake King and
I'm here to fight the bad big brother. He led me,
he was my he was supposed to be my guardian,
and he left me. I know that you didn't have
a thing to eat. You're going to get it the
(40:06):
ki ki ald my Gaberdine jacket like that. You are
so strong. Let me let me take a look at
(40:30):
this pearol sheet. It seems like you don't have very
good consistency with the little brothers we've been assigning. You know,
I guess not what's happening, what's wrong? I hit the
last one in the face. I wasn't going to bring
it up, but he did challenge me first, Well, you're
supposed to be a role model. Don't you think maybe
he's mirroring what he's seeing from you. I don't know.
(40:52):
People at the bar were chanting fight and you had
him at a barn. Yeah. I just don't think that
you understand the responsibility of being a big brother. Okay,
I'm going to assign you one more child, but this
one it's gonna be a baby. Baby's rely completely on
an adult. Baby's like wrestling. I don't because that's my
(41:16):
wrestling wrestling match. I'd be cautious bringing a baby to
a wrestling match. It doesn't seem it seems almost as
inappropriate as bringing a child to a bar. I mean,
have you seen these new w W characters they've come
up with. They're incredible. I'm sorry, I don't want Superman. Superman,
the baby is gonna love that. Alright, well, I'm gonna
give you this baby, and I need you to take
otherwise you're going to be back in jail before you
(41:37):
know it. You don't, you're not taking this seriously. Okay,
all right, okay, here you go take this this baby
that you had next to you. What did you think
I had this? Don't for a paperweight? No, no, no,
it's not my baby. I'm a parole officer, a kid.
(41:59):
We go some singing, we'll go see some wrestling. Yeah, alright,
here I think we're bonding. Oh my god, is that
your son? Oh my god? Is that your son? Can
we get around for these ladies? I would love to
(42:20):
breast second. Welcome to kid Quising. This last suggestion comes
(42:46):
from Nick. Hello, Alcolm, it's huge fan of the podcast.
It's made my daily community and from work a breeze.
A scene that I would love to see is a
thrill seeker at their wits end, having conquered all adrenaline
pumping activities, is looking for the next big thrill. Their
final option is the ultimate test, putting a hit out
on themselves and beginning their training for the battle that
(43:08):
will ensue. Thanks Alchemist, Yeah, send the next one in.
That's fine. What do you want the from the top
of the list or sure, sure, let's go from the
top of the list. But I used to, but I
want to make sure we're on the same pagere sole,
send the next one from the top of list. We
know you're Johnny's cousin, so you're working here because of Johnny.
Let's not push it, all right, I understand. I'm not
(43:29):
I'm not trying to get a position to people out
there in the waiting room. Maybe there's a sign up list.
There is, so go to the name at the top
of the sign up Yes, sir, do you want to
go from the beginning. Let's mix it up. Go to
the name in the exact middle okay, great. So you
want me to find the middle page and then get
the name from the Yeah, okay, great. Thank you From
Today's let's not from you know what if yesterday's listens
(43:49):
out there, let's use that one. No today's list, yes, sir, okay, okay,
second here with uh one second, I should be next,
and I'm waiting the longest. I'm going from the middle
of the list. Uh. Here we are. Let's see Clark Stuston.
That's just just got Clark. Thank you. Going for the
(44:12):
middle of the list. Clark, follow me. I'm following you here.
Put this jacket over you. Put this jacket over me. Yes,
just put it over your head. Okay, I can't really
show you where I'm going in here. Oh okay, hold
my hand, yeah, of course, I can grab the back
of my belt. Okay, okay, I'm gonna start jogging here.
Keep up. This is a little fast alright. Keep up.
The stairs are stairs? Hold me down, you're pulling me down.
(44:35):
Hold up, hold up, let's go. All right, there's a
rope of a head. Grab the rope. I'm gonna cross.
I'm gonna climb up first. Alright, like all my belt,
I don't know where I'm at my belt like, oh,
my belt, let go, I'm afraid check off my head please. Uh.
(44:58):
You just started today right, yes, sir, Yeah, so we
lost my last assistant. I'm embarrassed to say how, but
if you wouldn't mind, there's people with the outer office waiting.
I'm also embarrassed to ask this next question. Okay, what
do we do here? People come in and they asked
(45:19):
for favors from the Godfather. Wow, I have no idea.
You're working for the mafia. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. So
people want people dead and this is what they come
to make that happen. That makes sense right now? It does. Okay,
So there's people out there waiting. They want to come
in and ask, so just go to the top of
the list. Very easy to bring somebody, very easy. What's
(45:41):
your name again? Jason? That's right, Jason? Please go ahead. Okay, Um,
you know what, I'm not going to use this list.
You guys know what's up? Okay, what's your name? My
name is Linda? Linda or is it? Okay? Well, I'm
gonna have to skip you Linda if oh it is Linda.
I was trying to make small talk. Okay, I've been
(46:03):
taking toastmaster's Okay, great, Um, just put this jacket over
your head. Please? Why am i? Okay? I can't see,
just hold my hand, just hold my hands. I got
a bad ankle. Okay, I actually just hold my belt
to hold the back in my belt. Okay, jog in there, Okay, Okay,
here the step serious like all the belt Okay, okay,
(46:28):
come on just a little alright. So you're just stunning today. Right.
My cousin said, did you give me a job? Yeah,
that's how you're here. Your cousin, Tammy is one of
my favorites. Oh god, are you yes? Yes, I am,
(46:49):
Oh my god, I'm so What was your name again, Todd?
Is that just one syllable? It's just what two d's one?
Oh and tet call the kind of sounded. I don't
want to die, Todd. Very simple not to just do
as I asked, Do as I asked. If you can
do as I asked, you're not gonna die. Do you
(47:11):
sweat this much normally? Usually I'm just like, you've got
a bad reputation. Yeah, yeah, I'm not a great guy.
Get but all the mishaps around the office here, I've
had nothing to do with. People go out of this
room and they somehow die. That's on your Todd. You
can live the day if you choose to people on
(47:33):
the waiting list and just take the top of the list.
Bring that person in, go out to the waiting office.
All right, Todd, together, you got this study bringing the
person top of the list. Is there Lynn in the room?
(47:59):
I just got here. I believe these other gentlemen have
been waiting quite something. Who's been waiting the longest? Raise
up your hand? Looks like a tie. What's your what's
your name? Lynn? Oh? What a funny l I I
and I'm sorry I was reading it wrong. One? If
(48:23):
you please come with me? What's your name? What are
the odds? That's crazy? I thought today couldn't get any weird.
I saw a dog and a cat and making love
three in one room. That's weird. I need you, guys,
(48:46):
said to be a favor, and I need the three
of you come with me, all three of us. Listen.
This is my first day on the job, and this
is as you know, if you're waiting for the Todd
chance to talk to the Godfather, it's dangerous favor to
the favor. Okay, Well, I need you guys to huddle
(49:08):
underneath this jacket. Alright, Alrightwich, let's create a chain. Somebody
hold my hand, everybody holds handstop. Okay, okay, it's okay, okay,
just follow me, okay, okay, we better gentle. Is this
(49:29):
the way to the Godfather? This is the way? Come on,
you gotta keep up, keep it up. All right? Well
step out? What is this place and what happens here? Okay,
here's the rope, guys, this is where most people fall.
It's a very dangerous. But don't mind the bodies. You
(49:50):
can't see him. Climb up elt Okay, we're at the ledge.
Just come up right over this, okay, wings behind the stores,
the please, please, please, don't don't mess this up. Just
go in there. Fine. I enjoyed that. I don't know
(50:13):
how many things I can say. I just don't understand
why no one's coming today. You know, I'm doing everything.
I can't I understand that. But all I want to
do is I want to get people. Hold one second, guy,
all do respect? Yes, what is it you have in here? Oh?
Did you bring somebody in? I got that's okay. I
want to let them in, all right. Hello, okay, can
(50:37):
you three give me one second? Just one second. You
come over here for a second. You don't bring in
three people? How many times I gotta tell you one
person to see as I got bothered, not three people. Yeah,
I donenough. I mean, I don't mind, you know my
(50:58):
three people feel there we go take this one dollar
bills and get yourself something too. Yeah, yeah, by another
pair of shoes and bring us go go to Sammy's.
Give me a sup there you go, yeah, uh, go
get the sandwiches. I'll bring these three in to see
the gap. Which one of youse? Lynn? Yeah, the three
(51:20):
of you were Lynn and I'm not so Linn on
the list and he called out and Len and the
three of you came. He seemed to panick. He told
us that he was right. So boy, listen, you all
made it through the rope challenge. Show you're here. That's great.
We'll bring you in to see the gap. Father. If
you read you mind when you go in, don't look
them directly in the eye. First of all, if you
(51:40):
have shoes, look down at dose. And then what do
you do if you don't didn't look down where your
shoes would be on the rope. And then if you
wouldn't mind, one last request, please don't talk at the
same time because you got the same name. It's going
to get confused, and so one of your talks and
the other to listen. Okay, take it. So let's let's taken.
I'm that's pretty straightforward. Because I'll be honest with you.
(52:05):
If you don't do that, two of the three of
you are going to die today. Okay, okay, okay, understand
uncomfortable death, not the simple too, I mean would expect
otherwise the pile here we go, and now three lens.
It's a hell of a day. It's a hell of it.
(52:25):
It's a beautiful day. We've lost three assistance. Sorry one second,
let me just all right, guy, fine, I'd like to
introduce you to brace yourself. Three lens. Okay, I'm looking
him directly in the eye. And why am I doing that? Oh? God?
And now we're doing the talking thing, don't we're doing?
(52:48):
Sorry guy, let me just take this three off for hey,
oh oh oh, I felt it when he slept you
like like a symbio. The three of you never seen
a movie or a television show where you go in
and see the Godfather. You don't act like three students.
You gotta pay respect. I've seen the three students I
(53:13):
don't want to see right, So this is a man
of business. He's not he's not messing. I'm here for
business too. I just wanted to ask for a f
I've got a favorite. Were just because you're making me
think twice about sending all three of you at the
same time, I'm still going to do it, but you're
going to let me go first. Okay, Look, maybe we
could uh talk amongst ourselves for a second. Figure out.
Let's talk about ourselves. Who who has seen the most different? Okay,
(53:41):
well I think that's what we tell Okay, Okay, sounds
that's settled. Yeah, we are ready to go first. It's
a little bit more ready to respect. Respect father, I'd
like you to do shoot, oh, lindsay, Hell, we are
(54:03):
here to ask for a favor. What is the favorite
that you want to asking me? Hamilton? Really really you like?
It doesn't have to be right up front, like it
could be astructed you or anything anywhere. Care if it's understudies.
(54:26):
I just want to be the next month you'll see
a mattenee. I don't happily because they could go out
to the lunch after before fun lunch drinks. So you're
telling me all of you want Hambleton tickets. It turns out, yes, Hamilton, Hamilton,
(54:48):
not Hambleton's, didn't get good with you. I only heard Hambleton's.
And as someone who is a man of his word
in his ear, I can only give Hambleton's tickets. To refuse,
to refuse a justice, And maybe we could add to
(55:08):
an addendum that one of us, because so, just one
of us wanted to Hambleton's, and I wanted three tickets
for Hamilton's. Oh yes, so my favorite, I'll take the Hambleton's,
and I'll take three for my own personal wish. I
would never share him with these and those for Hambleton's.
Here's what I can do, okay, I can guarantee each
(55:32):
of you as a cast member on the touring production
of Hambleton's. I'm not an actor to refuse. Are we
allowed to look up you? To refuse? This gesture would
be the utmost disrespect On the day my daughter gets married,
on the day that she gave their daughters getting married,
and oh wait, on this day our anniversaries, on this
(55:59):
day that they're on the day this, it would be
disrespect of um your godfather, and what roles what do
we have in the production sho of you would be
competing leads, all with different storylines and different dialogue, but
it would touring company. It would be a touring Can
(56:20):
I look up? No to see my eyes while I
give this gift would be the greatest disrespect understood. And
there I was sailing far and hard, and I also
sailed far. I guess I sailed the farthest. The top
of the called me Hambleton, Hambleton, I'm the best Hamiltons ever.
(56:49):
Watch excuse me, I gotta go. I I can't watch no, No,
I can't watch those. I don't know you, but I
know it's someone who's upset. And if you just watch
this fucking plane, you're gonna have a blessed dawn. These
guys are all talking over each other. They're singing different songs.
It's terrible. And I thought him, but you're my big brother.
(57:11):
He took me to see a play. It was a
big mistake. I'm sorry. Let's go. We're getting out of here. Look, hey,
come on, you sit on my lap. Get this kid
out of here. Okay, okay, all right, I'll give you
five for me. It really builds Hableton, Ladies and June.
(57:32):
That's the musical. You can get tickets now going to
ticketmaster dot com for Hableton. All right, that's our show
for today. Let's go round and thank you Chamus. Please
let's start with Joey Queer and Joey what's coming up
in the folks and when they're in the Los Angeles
area where they might be able to find a show
where you're performing some sort of feed of magic. You
can check me out of West Side Comedy Theater, but
(57:53):
also the Magic Castle. That's not where I'm playing. I'm
not a magician. You can't see me there. If I
am there and you're there the same day, we can
hang out. I mean you brought a hat with a rabbit.
I will say this though. This is a plug for
the Magic Castle. Go see the close up magic. It's
a downstair bar area. It's the bar wanted the guy
(58:13):
made lemons pop out of it was fantastic guy. What
at least you remember who Nevery time I go, they
don't let me in because they say I don't have
a ticket. Yeah, so that's how do I get it?
You got somebody somebody, so hit me up, but I'll
get you. Yeah, hit up Joey Greer at Jeffy greeber
dot com. Check me out the heat. Where can folks
(58:36):
find you? You can find me at the Heen on
Twitter or the real James Heeny on YouTube. Beautiful Greg Kowski,
I have an improving my wife Carla Katkowski called Orange Tuxedo.
You can follow us at Orange tux improv on Twitter
and find toward dates and also Los Angeles dates possibly
the Magic Castle fingers crossed. Vanessa Raglan, Yes, sir, and
(59:00):
what have you got for us today? Oh? Just a
real happy hearty, thank you for that. Yeah, don't go
looking for Vanessa. Don't unless you want to hear from
a happy heart. Yes, that's right. You can follow a
Dynasty tapewriter or Vanessa Hope. But it's boring that one is.
The Sandler shows went great and Brad I was just
(59:24):
shook his hand, honey, not overrated, firm handshake, soft smile,
that's r And it was not a lie. Did he
talk about me? He couldn't stop talking about you. It
was awkward. Christ Operato. You you spent a little time
with Brad pitt I did. We did a movie together
right by the name of fight Club. You know he
(59:48):
took a punch real nice. Yeah, yeah, I was one
of the guys in the fight circle. Yeah, I recognized
the apps. Yes, where might folks find you? And you're right,
you can find me at alchemy this Instagram page. Here's
what I'm asking YouTube. I met tag us on the
Instagram stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah, we got,
(01:00:09):
we got. We will post more pictures. You're gonna take
some today, Yes, yes, thank you for a great job
he did. Uh Doug Babe the engineer of the stars.
So if you licked him in our producer who's not here? Yeah,
I lost a lot of love for us and walked
out the door halfway through. Kevin Pollock went to three
(01:00:29):
on Instagram. Why the one to three? Because I'm an idiot? Yeah,
that's right. Um, keep writing to us. Your name here
at alchemy this dot com. We'd love to use your
suggested scenes. Your name here at alchemy this dot com.
Tell everyone you've ever met about the show, and please
write a review. We've got some good ones, but we
need yours. And tell everyone you've ever met to subscribe.
That's a show for today until next time, Alchemy this
(01:01:01):
and I foller im, but I come and I fo
Welcome back to Alchemy this. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock, Yes,
that Kevin Pollard. That which would I rather? Well, I
guess I'm gonna go with being Satan's fluffer dear pals
and gals. By definition, alchemy is quote when a person
or persons create something through a seemingly magical process. Well,
during a health storm last summer in Missoula, mon town
of the idea struck what I brought together the right
(00:23):
creative people and ask them to make stuff up based
on my own twisted ideas and the nonfertive podcast of
the seemingly magical process, and I would call it alchemy?
Is now really the time to breed dogs and chickens? Well,
people in nincom boots. After a bit of title tinkering,
I'm so very proud to present to you another episode,
Oh Alchemy. This, Let's meet our Alchemist, shall you? In
(00:44):
no particular order, say hello to Chris Oporado. Cree. How
will you know when you're there? I think I think
my bank account will let me know. It's all about
the most so very telling, blow the man down. It's greer,
greer me Seymour, are you hanging? Wait? What was my intro.
Blow the man down. Yeah, okay, oh hang um fucking
(01:12):
loose dude. Okay, all right, you want to work blue,
that's fine, kicking up, slow down your jam. It's Vanessa
Raglan Venetia. Have you been to Australian If so, what
surprised you? Oh? I have Canberra's boring. What I mean,
it's the capital and it's a little bit boring. But
the beautiful coast yeah yeah, super beautiful fan Yeah. Uh
(01:37):
well it's Greigkowski toime again. People. Okay, cow what's your
favorite color? And why isn't it c foam? It is mine?
Oh and you come to your certain sea foam captain
yesterday and you've done it again last but go screw you.
If you think of leash, Mr James C Jimmy, can
(01:58):
I call you Doctor Strange, then we think, wow, that's
one of my favorite Marvel superheroes. Absolutely can. I I
appreciate if you got to the car now and get
whatever Doctor Strange app that you have. I'll be right
back to lock the doors. Lock the doors, uh, Raphael,
I'd like the sound of someone leaving the room, locking
the doors and driving away. All right. Today's suggestion scene
(02:22):
suggestion come from your listener. Mail scene one was from
Cade Smith, who wrote, one time I was a witness
to a car accident which I had to write a
witness report for these small town cop who was on
his first week on the job. There was a woman
on the ground and her husband drove away, yelling I
don't have insurance. Meanwhile, meth lab exploded nearby and the
(02:44):
cop had to go see about that. He left me
in charge of the accident scene. I collected reports and
also helped the u D. Also, while waiting, a man
who had his head wrapped up in gauze approached me
and asked if I needed a witness uh to do
what happened because he saw the whole thing, apparently through gause.
(03:10):
So I finished up reports, slapped the back of the ambulance,
convinced the cop that the other person was the car
was totaled, and then went back to college. Oh we
now take you, Yes, Kate, that's Kate Smith. We now
take you to the What would you like to have
(03:31):
in the temperature or start the timer? I thought that
maybe the timer would be very helpful. You all have phones.
Thanks for not taking in my face. All right, we'll
take you to that accent or something like it. Stephanie,
get in my office right now, Stephanie, I'm here. How
long have you been on this police force? Have been
(03:53):
upwards of umpteen days? Teen days exactly. We're not sure.
In fact, I'm even sure you're on the books here.
I'm on the books. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm on
the books. I'm looking through the record here. You seem
wrote your name in everywhere I did, okay, using red ink. Okay,
that's not what we do here. I'm sorry. Yeah, you
should be stuff. Okay, you should be. Are you mad
(04:15):
about the other night? Or yeah? I am mad about
the other night? All right, you came into my house.
I seven did it with my family. Okay. You can't
just come up with me and just say I got
a new case, sergeant. All right, but you'd be happy
for me, I'm not. I am happy. Yes, I'm happy
for you. But these cases, I feel you're just coming
up with them. You meet people on the street, I'm
finding them, you're finding Okay, let me just go through
(04:35):
some of these cases and you. Okay, let's here we go. Okay.
Elderly woman on Elk Street, you said that she was mugged,
all right, she was. She was attacked by some dire
wolves or such. All right, that's what it looks like.
What it looks like. It was her dog. It was
her Yorkshire bitter and ankle ran away. We failed the animal. Okay,
(04:56):
that one case is closed, Yes, Stephanie, let's do another
one here. Streets are getting safer. So there was a
bank heist. I did say that a gentleman lost fifteen dollars.
That's correct. Okay, that's not a bank heist, is it.
It's not was he was near the bank, Okay, on
the same block as the bank, alright, where two weeks ago,
(05:17):
a few suspicious things were seen, including someone tagging a building. Someone.
Someone was tagging a building, So that seems like a
clue to a bank eist. Someone was tagging a building.
There was a clue to the bank. That's what I
put together. Okay, well, hold on, go on. This is
interesting about this. So I was on my morning jog
(05:38):
and I saw a young miss Grant. I wanted to
say any more than that, but like he could tell
he was bad by just looking at him, five around him.
I don't want to describe him because I feel no
I feel like that's like, you know, crossing one we
need a description of because I can't play into stereotypes.
You know what, who was? It was a man, a boy,
(05:59):
it was male? Okay, it was to my feeling, I
don't know. I mean that feels like who am I
to say? You have to say you are a police officer? Okay?
Well I the human um was you know, ish around
my tight? But you could just tell shifty. Okay, you
know what I'm putting you. Manetti on this case? Manetti,
(06:19):
get in here, Manetti, Yeah, all right, Manetti and Stephanie
you're on this case. No, I don't want to walk
with her. Look, Manetti, I don't give a god damn,
you got sixteen. Oh it's not great for you. It's
not great for me. I don't care who it's great for.
It's gonna be great for the city. You got that. Yes,
I get the hell out of here. I do not
don't talk to the captain. I'm the sergeant. Remembered that, Okay,
(06:42):
sargeant only ownly. The captain has been weird. All right,
let's go, No, Manetti, let's go. Fine, I'm driving, all right,
Oh interesting, I'll be I'll be driving as well. Right
beside you. I'll do a follow up. Yeah, who's driving?
You know what? Neither of you are driving? Take the segway.
(07:02):
I call Francis. What's going on? You too? Leaving? Leaving
for a case. Yes, let me in on it. Huh
oh captain, um, you know what? There's there's us scones
in the breakroom. Scones. Yeah, I wish we could tell
you about the Oh, is there clotted cream? I think
that they were bringing some clotted strawberries. I only like
(07:24):
to have the traditional British right, of course, you do,
you anglophile. Proud of both of you. Thank you. Well,
we gotta we gotta, we gotta, we gotta skip. Let
go on my shoulders. Sorry, my wife is all right.
Good luck. These segways ain't too bad? What the segways
(07:51):
ain't too bad? He was? I don't want to describe him. Okay,
wait wait wait wait, low down, slow down, slow down
slow look look look look it up. Look over there
a cat. No, no, I'm talking about the man's heavy cat.
The man behind them with the gun. Oh all right,
(08:14):
he looks suspicious. You get down from that damn tree
right now. I'll shoot you in the eye. Get down
from the tree. Get down from the What did I say, Sammy,
get down from the tree. Who wants treats or a
bullet in the eye? What's it gonna be? Backup? Definitely
called soft treats bold and let's go over this again,
(08:36):
my god, tasty treats, bold and the eye. You want
to take one like Mawgreen and the guyfathers. I was
telling me, Sammy, because that's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna
shoot you, all right. This is not a joke. You
got up there by yourself. Clearly you need to get
down by yourself. I ain't climbing up. Should we shoot him?
Draw your firearm? Do you not understand when I say
(08:57):
it's food time? You seem to understand me? Just all right?
So now I'm saying, get down from a damn tree.
What was that I'm going in, sir? Sir? Yeah, that's
freeze dried coffee. What the fun is going on with astronaut?
He's an astronaut? Yeah, but your hair, your well, you
(09:21):
have a gun that it's not a gun. What it
is that it's a water hose. I'm trying to get
my cat down from a tree. And I was going
to shoot him in the eye with the water hose. Alright, sir.
And then you too showed up on what bicycles would
know by a wheels? What are these? What does that?
What does that mean? Um? We gotta propel it with
our own to talk to this guy. Alright, Lieutenant Garrett,
(09:41):
here I was called for back up. There's a man
with a gun. Yeah, there's a hose connected to that nozzle. Yeah,
it's a lieutenant. Squeezeutenant, I'm think I'm losing. What are
you doing? I'm having put your gun? No, no, I
I don't think i'm fit anymore. Captin Sorry, Lieutenant Manettie
(10:05):
get ahold yourself. Stephanie, are you okay? I'm great. Still
worried about the cat. Could anyone please help me get
the cat down? I mean if you tried like a
kitty kitty kitty kind of thing. What is that? You
know you got kitty don't? The cat's name is Sammy.
It's gonna reply. I've worked with cats for you. Kitty
(10:26):
kitty kitty kitty in ing. Hey, Sam, I need a
I need a sandwich place. Hey, one of my specialty sandwiches. Sam.
You ever you ever have a day where you just
feel off. No, because every day I got open the
(10:47):
shop at six am and make sandwiches all day. It's
a great life and I'm feeding my family. Look at you, Sam,
m hmm, I ain't doing so hot. Uh huh. Today
I almost shot a man who was carrying a water hose.
I I asked my partner to dry her gun. You
(11:08):
want the mootsarel, you have the mood. Sixteen days I
have left? H just what why are you? Why is
everybody in this dinner laughing at me? Face? These guys
(11:32):
Mozarella's good old. Can somebody play a tiny violet? I'm
losing my mind. I thought i'd find you here, Lieutenant.
You've only got sixteen days left. You gotta pull yourself together.
I don't know, I don't know if I can exposition
(11:53):
this is This is a private matter with police department. Yeah,
you're in a public space, Shay, sammy Les, get the roots,
all right, get the roots. Take it easy on the
school to pay you man Eddie. Why do you come
to this deli all the time? Well? Sam is uh,
he is a source of comfort for me. It seems
like they specifically harass you, but it's like cheers, like
(12:16):
the anti cheers. Yeah, it's really like the anti cheers.
These guys are jeering you. Yeah, you want you want you,
you want your sandwich? Cutting half like much respect this
this this My grandmother was tasted like that. No, man,
(12:39):
you don't deserve this holy ship. Come on, a fine
police officer, he's sixteen days from retirement. You know what,
give me a sandwich for free. Maybe, yeah, you know,
in the honor of your service and whatnot, use the
sandwich and then go get your I'm let's get out
(13:04):
of let's get out of here. Changing, changing, Pappa, Sam,
Pappa Sama? What what is it? Tino? Papa? What is it? Tino? Hungry?
You as feed us your feeds? Papa? You didn't give
a one no sandwiches today. I gave away a sandwich. Yeah,
(13:27):
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I
didn't make any money. Swich where we get what happens?
(13:48):
It looks like this, uh, this family, this Italian sandwich
film got right over. What are you talking about? I'm
talking about a crime scene here? Sorry, everything, do you
need a witness? Jesus Christy, it's not a lot of guys.
If you've seen. How about your head on it last week?
A way opposite opposite had a little too much played
(14:15):
the whole thing you did. Yeah, okay, so what exactly happened?
You want to get at your notepad? Maybe maybe we
don't have to yell each other, but maybe we both time.
You do the right and I do the listening. I'm
just saying that we both can do this. Do the listening.
We both do listening. Okay, I have to listen to
write it down. Hey, lieutenant, I just got uh, I
(14:36):
just see here on my phone a car drove through
sam sandwich shot. Yeah, that sandwich shot that they treated
you like. And now everyone, everyone there's dead. Yeah exactly
that could have been me. Were you thinking that should happen?
Who are you? Sir? I'm just wow. This is a
private police I thought it was. Okay, okay, what's going on? Everyone?
(15:00):
I think I can help with what the fun is going? One? Tennant?
You have this under control? I got it, Captain, Okay, Actually, Minetti,
here's feeling bad? Captain? It's fine. Um, why don't there's
fresh blueberry? Um? What's British? What's fresh blueberry? That sounds wonderful.
(15:23):
I think my son doesn't understand me. You really know
how to work with him pretty well. Oh it's no problem.
I have a really bonker's family. But Eddie, back to
what you were saying, I'm just saying I thought about
the car driving happened. Oh I was, I was. I
was there moments before and then and then I talked.
(15:46):
You think you were saved for purpose. I think we
should have got You're sixteen days out. You want to extend.
I want to extend, you want to extend. I want
to be seven teen days lieutenant. Oh alright, everybody calmed down.
(16:07):
I just got you, I just got you. Holy just
spending four hours this one. I think my first I
uh matter of business should be to figure out what
happened over at Sam's. Sure alright? And also on the case,
where am I still in the bankais or the tagging guy?
What do you guys want me on? I've been finding
cases everywhere, the tagging suge but around the thing. This
(16:30):
is what's gonna go down, all right, this is what's
gonna happen. Stephanetti, I want both of you to go
deal with that temple case way, don't fall in love? Yeah, anyway,
some occult ship going down there, apparently trying to raise
the dead. Random gentleman and lieutenant. I want you too
to go down and check out the Sam issue. Okay, captain,
Captain please in the other room drinking right, Captain, just
(16:53):
stay in there, all right, the gap Captain. Let's go
to scene too, shall we. This one, weirdly also requested
by Kate Smith. He had a couple of good ones. Yeah,
(17:15):
maybe not assumed that he could be today. I was
thinking today Smith, Uh, far less details than his first one.
He simply suggests the writer's room at the w w
E headquarters where they can come up with wrestler names
(17:36):
and backstories for the wrestlers. And then I would add,
maybe add to this that perhaps once the names and
backstories have been created in the writer's room, that they
interview a couple of potential people to portrays said created
WWE wrestlers. We take you there. Now, I'm just spitballing.
(17:58):
I think everything needs a hot flat How about this
flat feet flat feet story? Well, let's let's let's toss
it around. Is a military dodger? Oh no, that's interesting drama.
He got dodge based on his flat feet. He had
flat feet and couldn't serve. But is that a hero
(18:20):
that the kids are going to really? Yeah, the villains
gotta have the villains flat feet and it comes out
and he has trouble walking. I think we should probably
get it to get the heart of his motivation. Though,
what are you thinking? Is the flat feet leading him
to villainy or is it merely a fatal flaw? I mean, Randolph, basically,
that's what I was saying. But now with your accident,
(18:41):
everyone's going to give you credit saying, yeah, Bill Shakespeare,
why don't you take it from here? Okay? So flat
Feet has a tragic backstory starting with starting with the
death of his parents at an early age that he witnessed,
that he witnessed. Did he do it? Perhaps we can
leave that ambiguity, but we will have to make that
(19:01):
decision down the line. Right, Maybe the hero of the
wrestler finds out and brings it into the ring and
absolutely killed your parents. So it grows up with a
lot of pain, Yes, yes, a lot of pain, a
lot of pain. Never went to school, but big inheritance?
Did he get a big inheritance? Yes? It feels like Batman.
I'm gonna be honest with you. It's starting to feel
(19:22):
a little Bruce Wayne, Yes, did Batman draft touch? I
don't know for paid himself out of that? I'm sure
he was very wealthy. You can't pay yourself out of
the draft. Men, do you want to look that up
for us? Place on it? Thank you many. Wait a second,
so I'll take a second. Did Batman was Bruce Wayne
to draft? Draft that? He was? Well? Look at that,
(19:46):
look at that. It's been done. Well, I'm just not
sure that they have Batman. And where are you from? Well,
just London? Yeah, do they have Batman in London? Yes?
They do. Okay, well they didn't have no excuse? Okay,
was platiarism. We've got to watch. Look, I apologize every
time I propose a new character. It's the Batman backstory.
(20:07):
And listen, this is a safe room, all right, So
there's no bad ideas. Let's get off flatfoot. Let's go
on to another one. Jim, Jim, you had an idea.
I got an idea. All right. This guy is called
the snake King, good name name, Snake King. Alright, what's
gonna happen is we're gonna take this guy. We're gonna
a woman where we don't know. Yeah, right, but King
(20:28):
could be what and we're gonna, you know, sow live
snakes into their skin, right, so they're gonna be part
of their finishing move. You want the snakes under the skin? No, no, no,
on top outside, kind of like medusable hanging offto snakes.
Snakes hanging off the skin, live snakes, Mandy, can you please?
You can't do it? Of course you can't know, you can't,
so snakes on someone? Stop? Have you ever talked to Peter?
(20:51):
Have you ever been on a call with They're going
to eat you a lot? I'm sure that they're not,
because I'm they're not gonna eat me, Mandy. Anybody got
snakes hanging off him? No? If he could have some
sort of utility belt that would like that. We just
want to recap a quick recap here. So we have
(21:12):
a flat foot snake king. Prior to that we had
Meterman and uh say what you say it's embarrassing. No,
it's not embarrassing. There's nothing embarrassing about the human body. Okay,
and the big butt boy, I think we should go
back there big butt boy just for a second, because Bill,
(21:35):
you said he was going to knock people down with
his big butt and he had that old man is
the Yes, yes, he has a butler who works with him.
I see like that and uh, and then he'll go
into the butt cave and then the old man goes
into the bat But that's what I'm asking big, big,
(21:57):
big butt boy can drive the buttmobile directly. Like I've
seen a pornography film that was a parody of Batman. Title. Well,
I'm in the top on the latest pornography. What's the
name of the film. What's the title, big but bad boy.
He does he can't talk about I don't feel safe.
(22:18):
You can't talk about porn in here? Can we stop
with the porn talk? I think it's a big inspiration.
And you bring me in the writing room, I bring
my experience. I know I'm just taking notes here, but
we have a big pay per view subscription base that
we need to satisfy. You need to come up with
two or three strong characters right now because we have
(22:39):
two men outside. I'm sorry, we have two men outside
who are waiting to to to take on their new
PERSONA got into Mendy familiar with take control, Mendy. I
just had secretary something about, yeah, take control to take
control six like hungry, psychotic no no offense and crazy cycles.
(23:08):
Psychle takes control of every situation. Oh, her glasses have
like a dagger glasses and she shows up with two
guys waiting outside. That's happening right now. She's got a
grinding at the moment, like she uses the laptop to
knock people down. And just a keyboard some kind of
clear your schedule, go ahead, some kind of signal in
(23:30):
the sky. Yes, yes, like that. Okay, so we like you, secretary,
read back what we got for Secretary, got it. So
she's she wears glasses, she wants to take control of everything.
She's got a grinding voice. She knocks people down with
her laptop, just the just the keyboard. Yeah, people schedule,
(23:52):
that's one of the cats. I'm gonna clear. I'm going
to clear your schedule, you know, like leaps of building
in a single bound clears your schedule. A couple of
single building in a signal, you know what, maybe leases
the building. Many Yeah, that was that Jewish superhero. I
was telling you guys about Superman and you didn't like
(24:15):
the idea. Iman. Yeah, right, it's a Superman. We have Superman.
Superman Superman, Superman, Yeah, Superman. Well, um, if you'd like,
I can bring in the two gentlemen. Yeah, let's bring them.
Maybe which persona fits persona personae? Alright, that's a thing,
(24:39):
that's the thing. But that's got nothing to do with that.
I'm just a secretary, secretary, secretary, Okay, I'll bring them in. Okay,
are we ready for this? Prime way? These guys are
coming in. I think the pressure secretary is putting on us.
It's okay, yeah, I think the pressure is on the individual.
I why don't you lead it that? Alright, Jim, Okay,
all right, let's do it. All right? What a good
(25:01):
Hi boys, Hi? Hi's you. I'm the secretary here. You
know I'm supposed to be in here for the w
w E audition. Oh I know why you're here. Sorry?
And oh tag tag team. We're definitely looking for tag teams. Set.
So here's the thing. We know that you already have
(25:23):
your thing. We know that you've done the indie circuits
and you've even built a following. We gotta follow him.
We're gonna change that. We have a couple of other
personas for you to try on. Change. I don't change. Well,
this is the w w E. This is the big show.
(25:44):
This is going to be interchangeable with ringworm tape form.
I'm just the secretary. They're ready to see you now,
right now, we make sure that a gentleman, Hello, gentlemen,
lady and gentlemen. You know these cells. Would you mind
(26:05):
taking your shoes off? Please choose them over. It's the
new carpet. Sorry, I got sorry, I got dirt on
my boots. Yeah, exactly, a lot of dirt on your boots.
I don't know what you want. You got dirt under
the boots to look at those scary dirty toes. Yeah,
I got dirt everywhere. We're from the country. They have
socks in the country. Well, it's a little extra patty
(26:27):
between the shoe and your foot. Well, I know what
socks are you. We have them, but we don't use
them because we usually have shoes on it. It's waste
before both all right, fellas, we've got a couple of characters.
We'd like to run passion and see what you can
make it. We've been doing our thing for so long.
I don't know. We want to change them. No, you
don't want to further your career. Do you want to
further your career, yes or no? Yes or no? You
(26:49):
want to keep fighting a little mud pits in the
middle of but nowhere, Okay, then get ready to act voice.
I think he does nowhere alright, so I'll hear him out.
I'll hear him out alright, alright, what's just that we've
seen what you guys have been doing for seventeen years
and uh it's backyard wrestling. That's I'm sorry? Can I
(27:11):
talk to my people for a second? I thought I
was gonna lead this? Why do we want? You didn't
say one thing. I understand that, but like I feel
like I was supposed to lead it, and then I
haven't said a word yet. That's on you. Let's try
that version. Let's try that version. Oh great, great, So
we're making so we're done here were I can't even
we're done talking one thing? I say, what are you saying?
(27:33):
One thing? And then then they have more qualifications to
be here than you do in this business for fourteen years? Okay,
s does you want to lead it? Do you want?
I would love to, alright, you know that's what the
leader does. The leader does that? Fascinating. Maybe Captain Cave,
what's the maybe a character Captain cave. Well, the guy
(27:56):
just caves no matter what happened. Are you talking to me? Great?
That's me? Is that for me? Is that for me?
Is that? Who's that guy? What hadn't you talked before?
I'm an executive here, Okay, I'm one of the character creators. Okay,
I'll take over from here. So mindy, gun ahead, right,
you're probably familiar with the actual necessary. I don't know.
(28:19):
Was that me? It could have been it could have
been a chair. It was Oh funny, Now we all know. Huh.
I guess I'm out of it. I guess everyone knows
it was me. Who did it? Excuse those fellows? Lloyd,
what's going on? What did you tell me? Huh? Is
it Mendy? Oh no, it's not Mandy It maybe maybe, maybe,
maybe everyone? Maybe everyone's a piece of ship. Lloyd, you
have a snake? Tell me out of your neck? Yeah?
(28:42):
Maybe I want a little above and beyond here, and
I want to show you a prototype of the character.
I'm thinking of what Nick King is legit? What's the
name snake? The snake doesn't have a name. You might
be pretty shirt back on? My shirt needs to be off.
I'm getting not wait, you turned into the into the
snake came. What's happening? And what's happening? Oh my god?
You tapework up, ship fellow. It's time to do your
(29:05):
try your magic moves, but a whole lot before you do,
you're not ring working worm and tapework your butt boy secretary,
go get it. But they kicked down. Put him down, Okay,
don't drow up on the put him grab him. Well
(29:27):
he's not. He's not playing along with my moods. I'm
gonna get all up and your intestine to be a parriside.
That's all I know. It's all I know. Listening not
going great. I'm sorry. Can I can I get the
butt boy and snaking T shirts? Please? Yeah? Absolutely? Fifty apiece,
(29:48):
a big credit card, a cash okay, Jesus Christ, okay,
all right here here thanks Visa. All right. Declaimed cretic
has been declined. Betty likes cash, so I love cash.
(30:12):
I can break it. I can break it on the
knot out, but we don't have change. That's what you're
looking then, I think we're going to have to skip
the shirt. You Now, if you just add three more
crop tops, that's going to hit you at a hundred.
She's got a good point. You could sell the crop
tops after you leave here. That we don't care what
you're doing. We don't care Christmas gifts, Birthday gifts, East
(30:34):
to gift, great East to give. I feel like there's
a lot of pressure on this sale here, and we
don't want to break your kids. We just don't want
to break kids. Maybe you want to break its, sorry,
but we'd rather not. He who doesn't love who loves boy? Well, dad,
do you really need this shirt? Kind of question? He does?
Look at that kids? Fine here, thank you, Thank you, Jo,
(30:55):
thank you. Get a hot dog over there. I don't
have any more money. That was such a cool match.
I really enjoyed the fights. I was cool. You're the
best big brother I have ever had. My last big
brother took me to bowling. This is way cooler, good good.
(31:16):
I'm glad you like man. I wish you were. This
is gonna be weird. I wish you were my real
big brother. Well, you know you knew what you signed
up for when it started. Well, I didn't sign up
the city sign me up? Okay, I mean you went
some cod candy. Know who's your favorite? Is a boy
or the snake king snaking. Oh he's mine too, He's
(31:37):
mine too. Would you like another Manhattan up with a twist? Absolutely? Man,
it would be so crazy if like, instead of you
dropped me off back at the home, that if like
we like hung out, we went to your place and
I spend the night there, that would be oh man, yeah, yeah,
that would be uh. I mean I'm kind of between places.
(32:00):
So I'm totally used to that. What's that? I'm used
to that? Sorry? So I got a text? Oh yeah,
no problem, snaking and a snaking and here you are
and still nothing for your friend. He's not my friend,
he's my brother. He's my brother. How long have you
(32:20):
worked here? Oh? Seven months? Yeah, it's been the best
of times and the worst of times. I love your suit.
Oh thank you. I'm a kind of hungerd oh he
said nothing for you? Oh do you want to give
him something? Who's that? Oh? I'm sorry, my mistake. I
(32:44):
get off in about thirty minutes, no reason. Let's make
it fifteen. Who do you like better? But? Boy, are snaking?
Pardon me? Watch this. I'm gonna do the sneaking. Snap
snap snap snap stap. Cool. He's he's like my brother.
And he likes a sneaking too. Not no, no, no no,
(33:07):
not like my blood, but like he really helps me out.
You've heard of court ordered community service, right, I have?
He has very familiar myself. Do you want to get
out of here? Yeah, let's go? All right, cool, let's go.
Where are we going? Where? Where are we going? A
little boy? I can't have you just a room in
the halls here alone is a parent or guarding around?
(33:30):
Uh yeah, well where are there there? Peen? Hey, where's
the ice machine? Ice machine? It's gonna be right there
behind the lockers. Look at that. That's that's my uncle.
That's your uncle. Yeah, we were looking for ice. Well,
he didn't make eye contact with you. We're playing a game. Okay,
we're playing a game. What is his name? But boy?
(33:52):
But his name is but Boy. Well, yeah, we were
playing a game and I'm the sneaking and he's but boy,
and so he's mad at me, so he's not so
so I'm gonna go, Hey, if you don't have a guardian,
we're gonna have to lock you up. What do you
mean all right, there's no one here to score you around.
We're gonna to put you a little kid, prison. All right,
there's a little kid prison. Sorry hello, yeah, but how late?
(34:18):
Room servers? Rooms? Hold on one second? Hello yeah. Room
service goes all night until eleven, all night until eleven,
all night until eleven am. Well that's not all nine,
but it is all night. It goes until eleven am. Well,
I understand if you go to bed at eleven nights
all night. I'd like to have a pizza about one am,
(34:40):
but you can. It's eleven am. Oh goes to eleven am.
I don't think. I just say yea, yeah, I did
several times. What's your name again? My name is all right?
M okay, you got a littlelaw on you. I'll call back. Okay,
this is kid prison. Hug. Yeah. I thought you guys
(35:04):
are gonna be tougher, but you're not. You don't know jesus, Hey, hi,
you smoke? How are you? I'm about five going on
fifty's been here the longest. I kind of look up
to her. I got sticky everything. What did you guys
do to get in here? What was your crimes? I
(35:26):
just was on accompanied in a same thing. I was
on a company in a toilet stall. Well, you shouldn't
be accompanied in a toilet stall anyway, That's what I said.
I kind of ladies, Achilles. He listen up creative artistry
in fifteen minutes. You hear that? Why? Why why are
(35:49):
we even why are we even look like making macaroni necklaces? No,
you're just your institutional I mean, look at your little fingers.
Oh my, you have anything. I'm like the Snake King.
You guys like the snake King? What then? He's my
favorite wrestler. You know what he would do in this situation,
(36:10):
He bust on out? Why are you show you what
that would look? Ye, it's bust out. It's just a
sliding glass door. We could just open it. We could
just open we could just open it. Why I'm doing it?
But one thing, I'm not gonna look back. I'm gonna
walk out. So if you're behind me, that's on you.
All right, I'm gonna come with you. But let me
(36:31):
warn you. Every child that's left here on a company
has face certain do so it's risky. The guards are
not friendly. You make mcroney necklaces and you keep your
head down. The snaking would say to that, Okay, Margot,
do you don't think this is a good idea I'm
(36:53):
not going nowhere because she's scared. No, it's because I
got sixteen days last party. Cat, scaredy cat, you come here,
Scarity Cat's gonna claw your eyeballs out. I don't have
time for this. Fight. Fight fight over here. Trying to
tease the new kettle less much use the alphabet. How
(37:18):
about some smoke? Screw you got it? Marborough's unfiltered for
everybody unfiltered. Please, we're going to cap Sons today. Any
cap Sons into the cafeteria. You got the smokes, the
cap Sons, you're gonna have to use it on credit.
Will use your cigarette of straws. Yes, I'm at here,
(37:40):
So long, suckers. Good good luck, Snake King. I'm sorry
too scared to come with you. Good luck to you
well on the other side. Right, so, I have a
Manhattan up with a twist for the gentleman and for
the woman. I have a Vesper Martini. You got it right,
and you were Chip will reflect that. I am a server,
(38:03):
so I get it. It's such a grind. Keep it open. Yes, sir,
that's a very nice macaroni necklace. Oh my god, thank you.
Where did it come from? Child labor a funny story,
but yes, a little bit of fast fashion. Do you
not want to eat the macarona? You can chew on
it an it's covered in glue though. So yeah, you
(38:31):
feel like I'm supposed to be somewhere. What do you?
I think you're living in the moment to unexpected events?
Excuse me? Table for one? Please? Okay? Would see at
the bar? That'll do. Here's our drink menu. Were in
happy hours and needed fifteen Manhattan please? Yes, sir? Would
you like that on the rocks? Are up? On the
(38:53):
rocks are up, sir, that'll do? Macy already? Okay, uh,
this is this is construction papers. Is there a problem?
Not at all? Manhattan coming right away? Does that kid
look familiar to you? I he looks like a child
to me. They all look the same. No pores, no pores.
(39:20):
I'm so jealous. I want to kill him and steal
his skins. Oh shut up, Oh my god, you have pecks.
Justout them. Pardon my reach and pardon it again. You
are Manhattan on the rocks in the Manhattan up? Is
Does this bar sturdy enough to stand on, like to
do a jump off of? Without a doubt? Yes, sir?
(39:42):
Whoa Listen up, everybody. I'm I'm the Snake King and
I'm here to fight the bad big brother. He led me,
he was my he was supposed to be my guardian,
and he left me. I know that you didn't have
a thing to eat. You're going to get it the
(40:06):
ki ki ald my Gaberdine jacket like that. You are
so strong. Let me let me take a look at
(40:30):
this pearol sheet. It seems like you don't have very
good consistency with the little brothers we've been assigning. You know,
I guess not what's happening, what's wrong? I hit the
last one in the face. I wasn't going to bring
it up, but he did challenge me first, Well, you're
supposed to be a role model. Don't you think maybe
he's mirroring what he's seeing from you. I don't know.
(40:52):
People at the bar were chanting fight and you had
him at a barn. Yeah. I just don't think that
you understand the responsibility of being a big brother. Okay,
I'm going to assign you one more child, but this
one it's gonna be a baby. Baby's rely completely on
an adult. Baby's like wrestling. I don't because that's my
(41:16):
wrestling wrestling match. I'd be cautious bringing a baby to
a wrestling match. It doesn't seem it seems almost as
inappropriate as bringing a child to a bar. I mean,
have you seen these new w W characters they've come
up with. They're incredible. I'm sorry, I don't want Superman. Superman,
the baby is gonna love that. Alright, well, I'm gonna
give you this baby, and I need you to take
otherwise you're going to be back in jail before you
(41:37):
know it. You don't, you're not taking this seriously. Okay,
all right, okay, here you go take this this baby
that you had next to you. What did you think
I had this? Don't for a paperweight? No, no, no,
it's not my baby. I'm a parole officer, a kid.
(41:59):
We go some singing, we'll go see some wrestling. Yeah, alright,
here I think we're bonding. Oh my god, is that
your son? Oh my god? Is that your son? Can
we get around for these ladies? I would love to
(42:20):
breast second. Welcome to kid Quising. This last suggestion comes
(42:46):
from Nick. Hello, Alcolm, it's huge fan of the podcast.
It's made my daily community and from work a breeze.
A scene that I would love to see is a
thrill seeker at their wits end, having conquered all adrenaline
pumping activities, is looking for the next big thrill. Their
final option is the ultimate test, putting a hit out
on themselves and beginning their training for the battle that
(43:08):
will ensue. Thanks Alchemist, Yeah, send the next one in.
That's fine. What do you want the from the top
of the list or sure, sure, let's go from the
top of the list. But I used to, but I
want to make sure we're on the same pagere sole,
send the next one from the top of list. We
know you're Johnny's cousin, so you're working here because of Johnny.
Let's not push it, all right, I understand. I'm not
(43:29):
I'm not trying to get a position to people out
there in the waiting room. Maybe there's a sign up list.
There is, so go to the name at the top
of the sign up Yes, sir, do you want to
go from the beginning. Let's mix it up. Go to
the name in the exact middle okay, great. So you
want me to find the middle page and then get
the name from the Yeah, okay, great. Thank you From
Today's let's not from you know what if yesterday's listens
(43:49):
out there, let's use that one. No today's list, yes, sir, okay, okay,
second here with uh one second, I should be next,
and I'm waiting the longest. I'm going from the middle
of the list. Uh. Here we are. Let's see Clark Stuston.
That's just just got Clark. Thank you. Going for the
(44:12):
middle of the list. Clark, follow me. I'm following you here.
Put this jacket over you. Put this jacket over me. Yes,
just put it over your head. Okay, I can't really
show you where I'm going in here. Oh okay, hold
my hand, yeah, of course, I can grab the back
of my belt. Okay, okay, I'm gonna start jogging here.
Keep up. This is a little fast alright. Keep up.
The stairs are stairs? Hold me down, you're pulling me down.
(44:35):
Hold up, hold up, let's go. All right, there's a
rope of a head. Grab the rope. I'm gonna cross.
I'm gonna climb up first. Alright, like all my belt,
I don't know where I'm at my belt like, oh,
my belt, let go, I'm afraid check off my head please. Uh.
(44:58):
You just started today right, yes, sir, Yeah, so we
lost my last assistant. I'm embarrassed to say how, but
if you wouldn't mind, there's people with the outer office waiting.
I'm also embarrassed to ask this next question. Okay, what
do we do here? People come in and they asked
(45:19):
for favors from the Godfather. Wow, I have no idea.
You're working for the mafia. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. So
people want people dead and this is what they come
to make that happen. That makes sense right now? It does. Okay,
So there's people out there waiting. They want to come
in and ask, so just go to the top of
the list. Very easy to bring somebody, very easy. What's
(45:41):
your name again? Jason? That's right, Jason? Please go ahead. Okay, Um,
you know what, I'm not going to use this list.
You guys know what's up? Okay, what's your name? My
name is Linda? Linda or is it? Okay? Well, I'm
gonna have to skip you Linda if oh it is Linda.
I was trying to make small talk. Okay, I've been
(46:03):
taking toastmaster's Okay, great, Um, just put this jacket over
your head. Please? Why am i? Okay? I can't see,
just hold my hand, just hold my hands. I got
a bad ankle. Okay, I actually just hold my belt
to hold the back in my belt. Okay, jog in there, Okay, Okay,
here the step serious like all the belt Okay, okay,
(46:28):
come on just a little alright. So you're just stunning today. Right.
My cousin said, did you give me a job? Yeah,
that's how you're here. Your cousin, Tammy is one of
my favorites. Oh god, are you yes? Yes, I am,
(46:49):
Oh my god, I'm so What was your name again, Todd?
Is that just one syllable? It's just what two d's one?
Oh and tet call the kind of sounded. I don't
want to die, Todd. Very simple not to just do
as I asked, Do as I asked. If you can
do as I asked, you're not gonna die. Do you
(47:11):
sweat this much normally? Usually I'm just like, you've got
a bad reputation. Yeah, yeah, I'm not a great guy.
Get but all the mishaps around the office here, I've
had nothing to do with. People go out of this
room and they somehow die. That's on your Todd. You
can live the day if you choose to people on
(47:33):
the waiting list and just take the top of the list.
Bring that person in, go out to the waiting office.
All right, Todd, together, you got this study bringing the
person top of the list. Is there Lynn in the room?
(47:59):
I just got here. I believe these other gentlemen have
been waiting quite something. Who's been waiting the longest? Raise
up your hand? Looks like a tie. What's your what's
your name? Lynn? Oh? What a funny l I I
and I'm sorry I was reading it wrong. One? If
(48:23):
you please come with me? What's your name? What are
the odds? That's crazy? I thought today couldn't get any weird.
I saw a dog and a cat and making love
three in one room. That's weird. I need you, guys,
(48:46):
said to be a favor, and I need the three
of you come with me, all three of us. Listen.
This is my first day on the job, and this
is as you know, if you're waiting for the Todd
chance to talk to the Godfather, it's dangerous favor to
the favor. Okay, Well, I need you guys to huddle
(49:08):
underneath this jacket. Alright, Alrightwich, let's create a chain. Somebody
hold my hand, everybody holds handstop. Okay, okay, it's okay, okay,
just follow me, okay, okay, we better gentle. Is this
(49:29):
the way to the Godfather? This is the way? Come on,
you gotta keep up, keep it up. All right? Well
step out? What is this place and what happens here? Okay,
here's the rope, guys, this is where most people fall.
It's a very dangerous. But don't mind the bodies. You
(49:50):
can't see him. Climb up elt Okay, we're at the ledge.
Just come up right over this, okay, wings behind the stores,
the please, please, please, don't don't mess this up. Just
go in there. Fine. I enjoyed that. I don't know
(50:13):
how many things I can say. I just don't understand
why no one's coming today. You know, I'm doing everything.
I can't I understand that. But all I want to
do is I want to get people. Hold one second, guy,
all do respect? Yes, what is it you have in here? Oh?
Did you bring somebody in? I got that's okay. I
want to let them in, all right. Hello, okay, can
(50:37):
you three give me one second? Just one second. You
come over here for a second. You don't bring in
three people? How many times I gotta tell you one
person to see as I got bothered, not three people. Yeah,
I donenough. I mean, I don't mind, you know my
(50:58):
three people feel there we go take this one dollar
bills and get yourself something too. Yeah, yeah, by another
pair of shoes and bring us go go to Sammy's.
Give me a sup there you go, yeah, uh, go
get the sandwiches. I'll bring these three in to see
the gap. Which one of youse? Lynn? Yeah, the three
(51:20):
of you were Lynn and I'm not so Linn on
the list and he called out and Len and the
three of you came. He seemed to panick. He told
us that he was right. So boy, listen, you all
made it through the rope challenge. Show you're here. That's great.
We'll bring you in to see the gap. Father. If
you read you mind when you go in, don't look
them directly in the eye. First of all, if you
(51:40):
have shoes, look down at dose. And then what do
you do if you don't didn't look down where your
shoes would be on the rope. And then if you
wouldn't mind, one last request, please don't talk at the
same time because you got the same name. It's going
to get confused, and so one of your talks and
the other to listen. Okay, take it. So let's let's taken.
I'm that's pretty straightforward. Because I'll be honest with you.
(52:05):
If you don't do that, two of the three of
you are going to die today. Okay, okay, okay, understand
uncomfortable death, not the simple too, I mean would expect
otherwise the pile here we go, and now three lens.
It's a hell of a day. It's a hell of it.
(52:25):
It's a beautiful day. We've lost three assistance. Sorry one second,
let me just all right, guy, fine, I'd like to
introduce you to brace yourself. Three lens. Okay, I'm looking
him directly in the eye. And why am I doing that? Oh? God?
And now we're doing the talking thing, don't we're doing?
(52:48):
Sorry guy, let me just take this three off for hey,
oh oh oh, I felt it when he slept you
like like a symbio. The three of you never seen
a movie or a television show where you go in
and see the Godfather. You don't act like three students.
You gotta pay respect. I've seen the three students I
(53:13):
don't want to see right, So this is a man
of business. He's not he's not messing. I'm here for
business too. I just wanted to ask for a f
I've got a favorite. Were just because you're making me
think twice about sending all three of you at the
same time, I'm still going to do it, but you're
going to let me go first. Okay, Look, maybe we
could uh talk amongst ourselves for a second. Figure out.
Let's talk about ourselves. Who who has seen the most different? Okay,
(53:41):
well I think that's what we tell Okay, Okay, sounds
that's settled. Yeah, we are ready to go first. It's
a little bit more ready to respect. Respect father, I'd
like you to do shoot, oh, lindsay, Hell, we are
(54:03):
here to ask for a favor. What is the favorite
that you want to asking me? Hamilton? Really really you like?
It doesn't have to be right up front, like it
could be astructed you or anything anywhere. Care if it's understudies.
(54:26):
I just want to be the next month you'll see
a mattenee. I don't happily because they could go out
to the lunch after before fun lunch drinks. So you're
telling me all of you want Hambleton tickets. It turns out, yes, Hamilton, Hamilton,
(54:48):
not Hambleton's, didn't get good with you. I only heard Hambleton's.
And as someone who is a man of his word
in his ear, I can only give Hambleton's tickets. To refuse,
to refuse a justice, And maybe we could add to
(55:08):
an addendum that one of us, because so, just one
of us wanted to Hambleton's, and I wanted three tickets
for Hamilton's. Oh yes, so my favorite, I'll take the Hambleton's,
and I'll take three for my own personal wish. I
would never share him with these and those for Hambleton's.
Here's what I can do, okay, I can guarantee each
(55:32):
of you as a cast member on the touring production
of Hambleton's. I'm not an actor to refuse. Are we
allowed to look up you? To refuse? This gesture would
be the utmost disrespect On the day my daughter gets married,
on the day that she gave their daughters getting married,
and oh wait, on this day our anniversaries, on this
(55:59):
day that they're on the day this, it would be
disrespect of um your godfather, and what roles what do
we have in the production sho of you would be
competing leads, all with different storylines and different dialogue, but
it would touring company. It would be a touring Can
(56:20):
I look up? No to see my eyes while I
give this gift would be the greatest disrespect understood. And
there I was sailing far and hard, and I also
sailed far. I guess I sailed the farthest. The top
of the called me Hambleton, Hambleton, I'm the best Hamiltons ever.
(56:49):
Watch excuse me, I gotta go. I I can't watch no, No,
I can't watch those. I don't know you, but I
know it's someone who's upset. And if you just watch
this fucking plane, you're gonna have a blessed dawn. These
guys are all talking over each other. They're singing different songs.
It's terrible. And I thought him, but you're my big brother.
(57:11):
He took me to see a play. It was a
big mistake. I'm sorry. Let's go. We're getting out of here. Look, hey,
come on, you sit on my lap. Get this kid
out of here. Okay, okay, all right, I'll give you
five for me. It really builds Hableton, Ladies and June.
(57:32):
That's the musical. You can get tickets now going to
ticketmaster dot com for Hableton. All right, that's our show
for today. Let's go round and thank you Chamus. Please
let's start with Joey Queer and Joey what's coming up
in the folks and when they're in the Los Angeles
area where they might be able to find a show
where you're performing some sort of feed of magic. You
can check me out of West Side Comedy Theater, but
(57:53):
also the Magic Castle. That's not where I'm playing. I'm
not a magician. You can't see me there. If I
am there and you're there the same day, we can
hang out. I mean you brought a hat with a rabbit.
I will say this though. This is a plug for
the Magic Castle. Go see the close up magic. It's
a downstair bar area. It's the bar wanted the guy
(58:13):
made lemons pop out of it was fantastic guy. What
at least you remember who Nevery time I go, they
don't let me in because they say I don't have
a ticket. Yeah, so that's how do I get it?
You got somebody somebody, so hit me up, but I'll
get you. Yeah, hit up Joey Greer at Jeffy greeber
dot com. Check me out the heat. Where can folks
(58:36):
find you? You can find me at the Heen on
Twitter or the real James Heeny on YouTube. Beautiful Greg Kowski,
I have an improving my wife Carla Katkowski called Orange Tuxedo.
You can follow us at Orange tux improv on Twitter
and find toward dates and also Los Angeles dates possibly
the Magic Castle fingers crossed. Vanessa Raglan, Yes, sir, and
(59:00):
what have you got for us today? Oh? Just a
real happy hearty, thank you for that. Yeah, don't go
looking for Vanessa. Don't unless you want to hear from
a happy heart. Yes, that's right. You can follow a
Dynasty tapewriter or Vanessa Hope. But it's boring that one is.
The Sandler shows went great and Brad I was just
(59:24):
shook his hand, honey, not overrated, firm handshake, soft smile,
that's r And it was not a lie. Did he
talk about me? He couldn't stop talking about you. It
was awkward. Christ Operato. You you spent a little time
with Brad pitt I did. We did a movie together
right by the name of fight Club. You know he
(59:48):
took a punch real nice. Yeah, yeah, I was one
of the guys in the fight circle. Yeah, I recognized
the apps. Yes, where might folks find you? And you're right,
you can find me at alchemy this Instagram page. Here's
what I'm asking YouTube. I met tag us on the
Instagram stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah, we got,
(01:00:09):
we got. We will post more pictures. You're gonna take
some today, Yes, yes, thank you for a great job
he did. Uh Doug Babe the engineer of the stars.
So if you licked him in our producer who's not here? Yeah,
I lost a lot of love for us and walked
out the door halfway through. Kevin Pollock went to three
(01:00:29):
on Instagram. Why the one to three? Because I'm an idiot? Yeah,
that's right. Um, keep writing to us. Your name here
at alchemy this dot com. We'd love to use your
suggested scenes. Your name here at alchemy this dot com.
Tell everyone you've ever met about the show, and please
write a review. We've got some good ones, but we
need yours. And tell everyone you've ever met to subscribe.
That's a show for today until next time, Alchemy this
(01:01:01):
and I foller im, but I come and I fo
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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