Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Well, welcome back to the last dub episode recording of Alchemy.
This for two thousand one. You fast son of a
bitch of the year. I'm your host, Kevin? Is that Kevin?
What's that? Sure? No problem? In the fifth race, I
like smells like winning. In the seventh, I like, what
(00:24):
are you looking at? And my pick to round out
the trifecta, get your fucking hands off me, you freak.
But I digress. Let's meet her. I'll commits Shelby in
no particular order. Let's quickly check in with Christoph Vado
for his New Year's Resolution corner. Fianced fella, Um hid
(00:48):
my New Year's resolution this year? Check it? Well, this
is actually a New years Resolution corner. This is not
my New year solution. That's the corner where we discussed resolutions.
I say, you know, make chain is physically and emotionally
and mentally that will make you the best you. That's
all I got. That's why he's got a corner. People. Hey,
(01:10):
there's a tool, sing Pride of Texas. What are you
hoping to do better in the new year of twenty two? Honestly? Swimming? Yes,
I'm trying to get swimming, trying to get. I bought
some swim padals I gotta. I got a little I
figured what it's called. But a little thing I put
between my hips that'll bring my hips up. Wait wait
wait wait wait, hold up, hold up, I forget what
it's called. It's the little thing you put between your hip. Yeah, yeah,
(01:34):
that's yeah, you know what it's. It's shaped like a
kidney bean. You pop it right in there between your legs,
uh and uh, you know, right by your groin if
you want to, you can also put it by your
feet and uh, and then it brings your feet up
and or your hips up, and that way you can
just focus on your stroke stroke. I've been watching a
lot of YouTube videos, a lot of Instagram reels. Are
(01:54):
the YouTube videos related to what you're talking about. I
google it, but sometimes it comes quick show hands, listeners
and alchemists. How many folks knew about the bean you put?
I think he's talking about a pool noodle, but I
know about those. I don't think it's like I'll take
(02:18):
bean or noodle. Describe what it was. James Ceeney, Johnny,
Jim Joni, please tell two thousand one what you really
think of it? Oh? It sucked way worse than I
thought it ever could. It was. I mean, it was
filled with um. I don't know. I thought, thank God
(02:42):
so over and it just I don't know. I don't
Today's a bad day. To ask me what I think. No,
I feel like it's a good day. I think it's
the perfect day. I just thought we were all gonna
be hanging out, holding hands, running, being indoors and innovators
and stuff like that. But that's just what's happening. Completely
lost sight of the bean, the bean below my balls,
(03:05):
and I'm just picturing the holding hands running. You know.
It's just I was a little disappointed. I had high hopes,
all right, Jiminy cricket and wait and no now please
welcome Mark Gagliardi, dark Meat. Mark. How will you spend
your first day of the new year? I was spend
(03:26):
the first day of the new year doing what I
do every year on New Year's Day, making black eyed peas,
corn bread, collared greens, and if I can find them
in Los Angeles, hog jowls, which are a difficult hunk
of meat to find in l A. It's easier to
find in the South. But that's what we eat every
Christmas Day in the South, and that's what I'll be
damned if I don't have. On January one, how do
(03:49):
you feel about overpaying on a site I believe called
gold Belly where you could have those jowls shipped in
from any southern port you like. Um, you know, this
is the first time hearing of having jowls shipped to me.
But that seems like something that I might get on
an FBI list if I just have, if I just
have jaws sent to me from across the country. So
(04:12):
I might just go with bacon, all right, I'm not
allowed to say whether I work for the FBI or not.
And last, but may but may you? I think I
left that the words start, but may you start January
two with more questions than answers. If you think of least,
it's Joey Greer, Tommy Chong of Wong's what do you
(04:36):
promised to stop doing? In what I promised to stop doing?
Uh nothing? And I mean that I'm gonna ramp everything up.
That's my goal. It actually add more to it. I
feel like the last two years have been uh kind
(04:56):
of a shedding, if you will, And now that everything's
on the ground, I'm gonna be able to put it
right back to where it used to be with new
adhesive and sharper points. So I'm ready to go. All right,
let's do a damn show and thank you for that.
All of our scene suggestions gathered from your listener emails
or from our patron v i P s. What's that
sure to become a patron supporter of the show and
(05:17):
enjoy exclusive content like I don't know, standalone bonus scenes
that we make just for you, or video of what
we're doing right the funk now, Uh, just head on
over to patroon dot com slash alchemy this lots of
other perks over there for you, and thank all the
patron supporters. If you'd like to submit a scene suggestion
via email for free loaders, please write to the podcast
(05:42):
at uh alchemy this email at gmail dot com. That's
alcome email gmail dot seen. One comes to patron v
I P supporter Thomas Lawson. Y'all remember Thomas Lawson who wrote,
Hey Alchemy, crewe greetings from the frozen waste lands of Michigan. Hey,
(06:03):
how's that COVID dode out there in Michigan? And that's
something My suggestion is as follows warehouse mutiny. Thank you, Thomas.
What time we think we're going to break for lunch today?
It seems like it's about a half turns out we
can't work. We can't take a break for lunch today.
We're backed up on packages and we gotta work straight
(06:25):
through it. So you if you've got food, you can
eat it on the line though, Okay, yeah, I bet
you guys, you're not gonna believe. You're not gonna believe
what I packed for lunch today. I can guess wait
to get it, can we guess? Yeah? Of course? Poop
poop again, there's no not poop, No, No, it's up. No,
(06:48):
it's a it's a hot sandwich though, all right, and
it's just a I got like here, I got a
Burton tenderloin right between two. Nice. Hey, do you mind?
Do you mind working while you're telling this story? Working
up in lunch over here? So I don't see why
we have to talk with our hands on our hips,
but you put your hands sipping lunch? What do you mean?
What do you mean skip lunch? We have to skip lunch.
(07:09):
We're back, I mean the weather were we never left?
What do you mean we're back backloged. Sorry, we're backloged.
We have to take a break. We're not gonna we
have to keep on the line. We can eat on
the line. Tom, How the hell am I gonna eat
on the line. I'm using my hands, I'm checking all
the guy damn equipment. I'm not gonna eat like that.
But we have we have to be able to break
(07:31):
for lunch. Attention employees, they're felt up in the office.
I just wanted to say sorry again about yet another
miss lunch opportunity. But we just want to let you
know this company loves you. Okay, by here that they
love us. I don't know where they get. It feels
(07:52):
like a nice, warm blanket. You gotta do something. I
can't skip another lunch. I can't skip in my body's
it's her into. My body is just withering away. I
have you passed a reflecting device recently? You could dropt lbs,
no problem in all right. Well that's part of the withering,
all right. So the first thing to go is muscle. Okay, chuck.
(08:14):
The first thing the body eats his muscle, and then
it goes for fat. All right, So you're gonna want
to get some muscle first, all right, okay, you know what,
I'm just I'm I have to use minutes. What's that?
I'm just have an idea, maybe maybe we can be
the boss. Last time I heard from you, you were
(08:36):
just passing through town and taking this job to quote unquote,
I'm seasonal. I'm seasoning, all right, So what's this idea? Now?
Just you know, take brakes whenever we want be our
own boss. You're talking about a startup, You're talking about
creating a whole new business. What's the business were we
(09:00):
to start up? That's a warehouse. There's one of him,
and there's one two, at least six of us on
the line at all times. There's a night shift that
you're not even counting right now, and she employees Mr Felch,
who loves you again. I just wanted to let everybody
know good. Sorry about the lunch thing. Um. Also, the
(09:20):
power is gonna be shut down for a couple of hours.
Gonna need somebody to volunteer for you got another game
of Mr tread Mill for the conveyor belt. Call up
to the office if you want to be the guy.
I love you, see he loves right. Did just give
another Scotch let's just close the warehouse down for the
day and go play around the golf. Who gives this ship?
(09:45):
I don't know. I don't know those that that that
place can't run without me. I love those guys. Just
put your get a record and put it on a loop.
Who gives this ship? All right? Split a recording on
a loop. But it's my home. I've built a home
of that fact three right, he love them, They love
you kind of down there, but look, you just just
tell him they gotta stay there for a couple of days.
(10:06):
We'll be back. Oh all right, let me call in
another recording for it. Attention everybody, this Mr Phil Chup
in the office. First of all, I love you. Second
of all, lunch, thank third of all still needed. Mr Treadmill,
fourth of ball. Don't come to the office to see
me right now because I'm definitely there. Okay, bye. You
(10:31):
know I was in a pirate ship once. Bullshit, bullshit,
I was. I was with a y or I I
don't like a pirate with an eye or y like
Pye write like a stone. I believe a Pye write ship.
Sure a new guy. Don't listen to that one of
(10:53):
those two knuckleheads I'm I'm into this. What's the pirate thing?
I'm just saying, you know, the captain wasn't treating us
so well, and we took over that ship. And how
many of you six plus there was a night shift
to the pirate ship. Let's go. Let's go to the
pirate ship to it onward, all of us shifts, punching Flynn.
(11:22):
We must go to the pirateship. Where the hell is
the first mate who said to the pirrijhere the hell
do they go? Okay, alright, listen up, listen up everyone,
we have a job. Holy ship? Is he okay? Holy
night shift that we heard so much about. I am,
I am. My name is Darryl. I am from Cincinnati. Uh,
(11:44):
this is that in all, let's just get let's just
get hon ut here, first time, first time captain and
night ship. I have logged over ten thou hours virtually though,
so that does go for something. But I just we
are going to the pirate ship. So let's where's that
first mate? Did anyone's I gotta be honest, new guy,
it's how that story sounds like complete bullshit. Alright, alright,
(12:06):
but but but but I'm willing to give it a
try anyway, because Tommy here is hungry. I'm really hungry
and I'm sick of this ship. Wow, so you're doing
this for Tommy, I'm doing this for money. Oh you
mean what? I think you're trying to get it. I
(12:27):
don't even want to say the word. Um. Well, I'm
looking over at the reservation, Mr Phil Up, and it
seems like the card that was placed on his declined.
Is there another card? Oh? That's that's weird. H come on,
just give her a card. Give her a card. I
don't have another card. This is my business cards. That's
(12:49):
weird that it wouldn't work. This company has the money.
Again it again, it's it's filter not filter up, by
the way. Just film and make a difference. Okay, let's
see here. Did it go? Did it go? You're actually
getting flagged, Mr filch flagged. It seems that the MGM
(13:11):
resort and all its subsidiary casinos as well as resorts,
are saying that you've been banned from the properties. Hold
on a second, I gotta make a recording attention. On
the warehouse floor, does anyone have like forty dollars? Like
two twenties? You can just slip under the door, and
(13:32):
I'll definitely be inside to get it and not come
quickly running back to get it and then go back
to the restaurant I was at. Not that last thing,
the first one. Okay, I love you. So you're looking
for weapons for a mutiny. Huh well, I mean it
(13:54):
seems like the place we'd go here to get weapons.
I haven't I haven't done a lot of mutinies, but
it seems like the uh I don't know what hardware
stuff fix him up them. You're at the right point, man,
You're at the right place. Yeah. The handyman is going
to have the weapons. I mean sawce that looks dangerous. Hammers,
(14:16):
crack a skull with the hammer. Yeah. Yeah, I just
needed to know what you wanted. No, not the weapons,
not your overall goal. I don't care about your overall goal.
Well I hope you. Uh, I hope you do care
about the overall goal, because I think it affects you too. No. No,
I run my own business. This is a You're not
(14:37):
a subsidiary. Huh No, No, it's just small. I've had this,
This business has been with our family for over sixty years.
Oh ship, No, no employee discount for me. Then huh
not an employee. And I just want to be the
first as the mayor of Clemens and to be able
(15:01):
to offer to uh Mr Marshall here as well as
with his family, a long standing business here on Main
Street that has just outfitted so many, so many of
our citizens with a vast story of weapons and different
artifacts that have been used to blood and stab and
create a lot of mayhem. But this is the key
to the city. And today October three is always will
(15:22):
always be known as Marshall Day. So thank you so much.
We'd like to say something, thank you, thank you. Thanks
as my brother right there, Uh so he's my younger brother.
He decided not inherit the business. No, he went to
uh he went to grad school. So he's a professor. Now,
uh that's fine, and uh yeah, no, no one's Gary,
(15:45):
everyone's fine, you're it's a great college. Um so he
got tenured recently. That's supposed to me. No, no, nothing,
it is. It's a very good college. I don't, I don't.
I don't always do this, Garret, I don't, Gary, I don't.
All right, can we just save it for dinner? All right?
I'm telling everyone in Clemence knows that you got this
(16:05):
place that I didn't. Everyone knows that I'm also older. Gary.
It's not you know, not the air. What does that mean? Listen,
Mr Mary, I'm sorry that thank you for this honor um.
Don't don't please don't boo me here. This is I
(16:25):
came to your graduation. I didn't boo you there. I
think we can we can both. Gary, stay stay in
the audience, Gary, Gary coming up there. No, don't get
I'm getting that key. I'm gonna open every door in
this town. What did you get? Well, it turns out
(16:46):
he didn't have an employee discount. We uh ship a
lot of martial tools, and uh, we're not a part
of that company. So and to mar tools, you're supposed
to look get guns. Huh, we got all that stuff here.
We got access razors. Well, we got more of it
(17:06):
now so we can dual wield it. These are tiny
as hell, what are They're affordable And you know what,
it's not the size of the hammer, it's the motion
of the swing. I know. I'm just a new guy.
Let's listen up. Everybody still waiting on that still waiting
on a Mr. Treadmill, love you. That's all I slipped
(17:27):
forty under his door. Sammy, I need you to pipe down.
Some new guy can share more. What's that movie in Chicago?
It's very famous where the kids skips school. I can't
think of it for the life of me. Ferris Bueller's
Day Off. Thank you, Thank you? You ever consider that?
What's happening to us here? Huh never mind. I'm just
(17:49):
I didn't skip school. I came to work. Untouchables one,
I'm afraid that one. I'm afraid ye. Untouchable is how
I've always wanted to end the scene. Scene too comes
(18:11):
from listener Brian, who wrote Alchemist, I've been listening to
the podcast since the beginning and I love each one
of you. Last night, while listening to the show, every
single ad was for a maximum feeling condom. That got
me thinking scene suggestion, a condom design specifically to give
both parties no feeling whatsoever. Thank you, I love you,
(18:33):
Ryan from Portland's PS James, please host more shows. Yeah,
we'd all like that. We'd all like that. Uh, Baby,
you want me to uh take care of some business here?
You can do taxes. Yeah, I'm want to do my
taxes and then I'm gonna why don't we just have sex? Okay,
(18:55):
sure we can do that. Oh wait, no, no, no,
don't use that. Use one of these? Why whoa what's
happening there? What is that? This right here? What's a
mate out? Here's the thing? I don't give a ship? No,
but no seriousness. Are you allergic to shellfish? No? Okay, great,
because this is a shellfish Did you say shellfish condom? Yeah? Okay,
(19:22):
I've never been this excited. It's amazing. Not only does
it feel like the back of a lobster, but on
the inside, the irony is it will protect you from
getting craped. Oh yeah, I'd like to return the rest
of these condoms. Hu, are you all right? Sorry? I
(19:45):
just I would like to keep our voices down, and
i'd like to return the rest of these condoms in
the spot. Are you from New Hampshire? I am, in
fact from New Hampshire, So please let's not make a
big deal lot of this. Uh, he's never seen I
thought it just yesterday afternoon. And their problems with the item, Yeah,
I was these. Neither my wife nor I had any sensation,
(20:11):
and we're unable to complete the active sex. I'm not
sure most of that's my business. Um, I agree, and
that's why i'd like to just get this return to
nice and fast. Okay. And I'm not sure why you're
in a hurry, So can we just replace the item
and scene? You'd like something that gives me a little
more excitement? Okay? How do you like more excitement as well?
(20:32):
We we'd like something that excites both of us. Can
may I suggest anal beads? My goodness, my good you
can suggest that. Do you have that at CVS? Of
course we do anal beads at the CVS. Grandma, we
got drunk camera selling your own kind of bracelets again,
(20:56):
and uh, you're not allowed to sell your own bracelets. Okay,
that camera out my house, that camera out my house. Okay, Graham,
we're gonna do that. Okay, we're gonna do that. But
just once you know we saw you on camera. That
just once you know you can't be selling your own bracelets.
(21:17):
Tell me why, because that's the liability to the store,
all right. And I don't understand. They don't even clasped.
They're just just a loose string of beads. They can
clasp them if they want. Well, honey, just grab these
behind the counter with that don't say, I don't know
what's Grandma's grammars? I mean they sound they sound wholesome.
(21:40):
Are these wholesome? Animal baits? Step out for a second?
Did you stay wholesome? Right? That's what I thought. So
what part of animal bees doesn't sound wholesome to you? Well,
I don't know, but making it Grammys makes it a
(22:00):
little bit more wholesome. Okay, so you want the Grammy style?
Is that what they're called? Grammars? Crammers gays right there?
It says right there that this packaging looks homemade. Did
somebody just slip these up? Did someone slip these by
the register? Were you too about to have sex when
we walked into this CVS? Yes? Okay, you know, I'm
(22:24):
not sure if I understood everything. Credit. Were you looking
for a new condom? No? We we want to retire
these condoms. So you don't want to con him at all? Well?
Is it necessary? I don't know. This is your relationship.
Do you want to gun him or not? What is
that what they asked for? Another condom? Well, everybody always
(22:45):
says you should always wear condom. We've been married for
forty five years, though less us with a child, yet,
but we don't care. It's probably because you weren't gun huh.
It's probably because you keep having condoms. X. Well, look
I got this kind of it's it's completely made out
of shellfish. And when I set the back of a lobster, yes,
(23:11):
it does, and the reservoir tip. Let me just say this,
it could fill the ocean. All right, not really legally,
but so just I can. I'm just gonna leave these
on the table here. If you want them, you could
take them. If not, whatever, All right, So, Grandma, how
did you How did you find your passion in life? Yeah?
(23:33):
I started a long time ago when I was on
the ship. I was sailing around the world. Anyway, I'm
having a hard time picking a a major in college.
Have you thought about oceananic studies? Yeah? The water is
so cold, but if you're on the water, you see
(23:56):
the world like I did when I traveled on a show,
because I was thinking like something like I can make
with my hands like you did. M Yes, maybe you
should study uh ocean rocks. That's what I did, the
smoothest rocks in the world. I learned about him when
(24:17):
I was sailing around on amburger. I'm looking over your
transcript and uh, it's your classes are all over the place.
I mean, you don't have enough to get a minor
in anything. I just I'm confused. Okay, amburger with what's
going on? Well, you know, part of me wants to
make money, but another part of me wants to honor
(24:39):
my passion. What's your what's your passion? I don't know yet.
What's yours? Teaching? Wow? Maybe mine's teaching. Okay. Well, if
you want to get education, go to the ocean. Okay, immigrants,
(25:00):
Well I'm gonna have You're gonna either have to choose
a major or we're gonna have to send you out
into the seat. Wait, what We're gonna put you on
a raft? I choose a major? Okay, what do you choose?
Ocean rocks? Ocean rocks? Okay? Interesting, because those classes are
on a raft, we push out the so uh so,
(25:25):
if the animal beads is too much of a turn off,
we've also got ocean rocks. Rocks. I just feel like
it would be hard to fetch those back out if
we put them in the string of them makes it
much easier. They're very very smooth, They look smooth, they
feel very soft on my face. Look, see doesn't that
feel nice? But they the problem is once you put
(25:48):
them in, you'd never get them back. And also you
should know once you take them out of the package,
as you have you you own those particular ocean rocks. Oh,
I mean they do look smooth against they make you
want to put it against your face. So let's get
some Gramma's grammas and some ocean rocks and what the
(26:08):
hell throwing a lobster? Want to? Alright, so this is
your raft alright? The sale itself is uh, well, it's
just a lot of hand fabric. I guess it's the
best way to put its gloves. I call gloves hand fabric,
but late text gloves. Uh. And I've stipled a couple
together just to make it. Are you the professor one
(26:31):
of them? Yeah? I am the other professor. You thought
I was probably a student, but I graduated early. Then
I matriculated from my PhD program even earlier. So I'll
be teaching the class on waves and tides. Yeah, yeah,
(26:51):
that's it. So that a little cooler. There's got one
of those OTLD tiny water jugs, you know, you one
per person, And then we just got a couple of
ham sandwiches, so I might understand. Actually, the entire semesters
at sea. Uh huh, okay, it is what we like
to call a water day. Even though it's a semester.
(27:14):
You're at the sea, but we call it a water day.
It rolls off the tongue. Yeah, so, uh, this rope
right here, you're six ft and uh what else? What else?
What else? Um, here's a con if you want to
just blow that. Hey, is there any yeah, sex happening
on this raft, like if you want to jerk off
(27:36):
on it? Yeah, I want to jerk off. It's yeah,
you're out there. I mean you're on school property, so
i'd be warned. But that you know, it's a solo
rapt You can only fit about half a person, so
you're gonna standing most of the time. That's easily how
I do it anyway, all right, I'm a standing tag.
(27:59):
I will have to report this conversation. You know that,
just as an educator to student, you know, I have to.
All right, I don't know which one of these things
we should use. I'm ready, I'm ready. Just reach in
the back and pull the first one out, whichever one
which it's okay, Well, those are the ones we were
(28:20):
kind of forced to get. Is it cheating if I
put them back in and get the other one? No,
we have to do it. We said you when I
said early on in our relationship that anytime we made
a little short game like that, we's gonna do it
to its fullest game at all, exactly. And that's the
big game. And that's what we said in our vows,
and that's what I believe to this day. So let's figure, Oh,
(28:41):
maybe we can use them like chakra stones. I'm gonna
lay here, put them up, put him on me on
my chakras. Alright, well you just don't do my rope.
Put them around on the chakras. So here's they're they're
a little cold. Maybe I should I'll heat him up
real quick. Put him, put them, put them in your armpits.
Just put them in your heat him. I stove that
a lot. That's gonna get real hot. Alright, Walgreens employees
(29:05):
and owners, everybody, get into this huge hall. Come on
in filing. Let's tell when you get this on a
megaphone or something. You're just telling us one of the time. Girl,
there's a lot of people on the lobby. They don't
know about this. They're not a p A system. All right, listen,
whoever can hear me, just pass this on. We are
getting our asses handed to us by CBS. Okay, CBS.
(29:30):
Why are we watching TBS at work? CBS? CBS the
place we work, CBS seem I personal, But maybe you
should send a mass email. Maybe, But hold on, did
I hear somebody works at CVS because this is a
Walgreens convention? Now hear somebody worked at CBS. There's a
Walgreens convention. Oh ship you guys. I'm sorry, I'm in
(29:54):
the wrong spot, but get him. It's okay, okay, okay,
oh man, all right, who's gonna eat the heart? We
should get some information out of him first. He's dead. Man,
his heart, his heart. As you're doing that, I want
(30:17):
you to consider ways we can compete with the CBS,
specifically in the sex game, other than killing their employees.
We want we should compete sexually. Yeah, killing one employee
at a time doesn't hurt their bottom line, right right right? Right? Yeah,
So that's it. I'm only just you know, go about
(30:40):
your day and consider ways maybe we could infiltrate. So
we paid for a three day we find in Tampa
for this. Yeah, yeah, just not talk amongst yourselves, gather ideas,
brainstorm we should not talk or now talk and are
we specifically wanting to compete with their looks? Actual side?
(31:01):
That's right, alright, So we were gonna talk sex this
weekend in Tampa, say Mr Filinchin, if I'm saying that correctly.
Actually at the end, I love you? What's up? I
love you. I'm the card right here that we have
for the Tampa Radison. It's been decline. Come on, come on,
(31:24):
I uh, come on, Phil, just pull up another card.
Just I don't have any other cards. I hasn't gonna
talk to some of these convention guys. Excuse excuse me,
excuse me. You with the Walgreen's name tag. You you
got you got? You got forty bucks? I can borrow.
(31:44):
I love you? Huh you do? Yeah? Yeah? I I
love you. Do you have Do you have forty dollars?
I can stop paying for sex? Uh? No, playing for
lunch at the country club for where you said you
love me. It's the very here's forty do I feel
like I'm just wow, this is exciting. I feel like
(32:05):
I just paid from lave. Oh that's that's not what
I was intended winn in Tampa. I suppose six forty two.
Here's my get on, Get on the ground, get on
the ground. Arrested for prostitution. He's just been arrested for prostitution,
or just you get the hell off? You work for
the department, all right? Now? Hang on a second, Hang
(32:26):
on a second. I just gotta make a quick recording
detention employees wondering if Mr Treadmill could make his way
down and become Mr bail Out at the at the
Clemens police station. I'll be down here for a while.
Uh that a scene too, Mr Bailout. Say three comes
(32:56):
from alcomniac Nicholas Maka who wrote it. Okay, here we
go seeing suggestion. What is love? Cheers nick um, Dr
fill ups. Your four o'clock is here. Both members of
the couple arrived, so last week you'll be able to
(33:20):
speak to both of them. Thank you, Steve. Do you
want me to send them in together? Yes? Please, Steve,
thank you. So not one at a time, not one
at a time, A couple of therapy. So send him
as a couple, and we're gonna try to use the intercoms.
I don't understand how the headset works. So I find
(33:41):
physically getting up from my desk and coming into your
office the best way for me. No, I agree, and
that's you know, we want to focus on them. But
will you be having lunch today? Yeah? Yeah, I emailed
you what I wanted, right emails because it's two thousand
in seventeen. All right, I'll look for the email to
(34:06):
let the Robinson's know that you are ready for them.
They can come on and all right, thank you. Well
I don't know what they're gonna do, but I'll let them.
Thanks Steve. Mr Mrs Robertson, Mr Mrs Robinson. That's that's us.
I thought it was very similar Robertson's. I was like, wow,
(34:28):
is there. I don't even see another couple here. You're
a bundle of joy. All right, well, the doctor is
ready to see you both now that you've both decided
to arrive at the time of your appointment. M So
that's the door. Help yourself. Thank you, have a seat,
(34:49):
have a seat? Oh, thank you? You know every time
we chat, I love your your is it delawarrean accent? One?
You classic Arizona? Alright, so let's say let's talk let's
(35:10):
start with where we left off a few weeks ago,
when you both came so sorry that last week we
didn't come together. We didn't realize it was mandatory to
do it at the same time. You know, we explicitly
didn't say we just assumed, so that was our fault too. Right,
Well that's a good point, Terry. But do you understand
(35:30):
him so much better than me? I feel like what
we need is a translator. I don't men talk. I
don't understand what men are saying most times. Well, Terry,
she has a point. You have a point, alright, both
points exist. What did he say? He said, I don't
ever get to speak, and so what's staying now? This
(35:56):
is this is therapy time. So I don't want to
just translate for you. M is a doctor available to
see me? Now? What do you mean? What do you mean?
What I mean? Is a doctor available to see me? Now?
What time was your appointment? Okay? And so what time
is it? Now? Dead? Forty five? Right? So you want
(36:19):
to go in early? Is he available to see me? Okay?
First of all, whoa very aggressive and be um? No,
No he isn't. So you went for numbers first, and
then letter sick Zara. My friends and I think it's funny,
but apparently it's not for everyone. So why don't you
(36:43):
wait your turn and go in at your appointment of
eleven fifteen? All right, you know what, I'm gonna go
walk around, maybe get somebody eat. I'll be back. That's
all on a need to care basis. Welcome to Sparrows.
How can I help you? Yeah, I'll um oh sorry,
the ladies. The ladies first, sir? All right? Wait which
(37:05):
side is the line? Where's the line? It doesn't matter man,
the ladies first, all right, it's okay. What what did
you What were you gonna get? Sir? I was just
gonna get a chili dog? You're looking for chili dogs
or us? That's next door. This is the Bears Pizza. Well,
I'll wait until you get it. You guess you've been
(37:26):
waiting for a while. All right, all right, what's a
beautiful What do you want? I don't know. I'll have
a chili dog? Just what the now? I gotta go
over over to Chili dogs for us. Get you two
chili dogs? So you because you two won't go over there.
But that was Sabarrow doing here. It's just chili dog territory.
(37:47):
I need to chili dogs because they're at two customers
who don't want to walk over here won't leave my counter,
so I gotta come ordered for them. Likely. Sorry, Yeah,
you're lucky. We don't open your chest and at your heart. Yeah,
like the walk greens. No. I read the article. Hey, listen,
(38:08):
this is my first time on this side of the counter,
and it's just weird. You know, I'm used to being
on the other stiff with you, so you're never with us.
Even when you work here, you weren't with us. You
always made the chili dogs flat. Yeah, never were you
never had them round it out? Why did you happen
to the triangles? And just um, I got divorced today.
(38:32):
That's why I'm at the mall celebrating. Nice and you
want to go get a saborrow? Yeah, but then you
said chilie dog and I was like, that's that's actually
what I want. I want to do. They're good. You've
ever been married? Yeah? Five times? Five times? Wow? What
(38:56):
did you What did you learn? Uh? Green up for
the second one? Yeah, first one, you gotta learn to listen.
Third one, never ever buy a house boat. Fourth one,
don't take on their pets. And the fifth one, well,
(39:21):
I have a lot of work to do here to
chili dogs just for you, all right. Now, that's that's
love for the customer, all right, that's the definition of
loving a customer. All right. There'll be eighty two eight two,
eight two, eight eighty two, yes, eight eighty two. And
(39:50):
I don't learning to pay that much for a goddamn
dog on a stick, you know what. I don't want
this anymore? How did you take this and shove it?
You won't go back and cook something up real good?
Shove it up here, shove it up here. Yeah, I'm
gonna go cook What the fuck? Excuse me? Excuse me, sir.
(40:14):
My name is Pilch. I've told you that man talk
to about loving the customer. Yeah, we not just been
in this business longtime, family business, Sambaris. I love my employees,
but burely, they don't love me back. They mutined, they mutineed.
(40:39):
How do they do it? And now I don't How
are they? I don't What do you mean? How are
they doing the mutiny? They betrayed me? How are they?
How did they do it? How they I asked him
to slip? Excuse me? Did you say you were actually
gonna go home and cook? Oh? Yeah I did. Well.
(41:03):
Did I talk to you like two days ago? Yeah,
we met at the barrow. Holy shit. I tacked down
your license plate and find out we lived and I
was staking out for the last all last night. I
got cold, as you know, and then I saw you
walking into this tobacco smoke shopping. I thought that would
(41:27):
be time to approach you, to see if you end
up cooking, then what you cooked? Would you what did
you tried? Tip grilled from romaine? Mend myself in a
rugal salad. But let us with the olive oil, mustard,
a little bit of h'or. There's no loitering here, So
I think unless you're you're coming in to buy cigars
(41:49):
than you do you call me a lawyer. We weren't
talking about law. There ain't no law having an ear,
no laiter. Uh, it's probably my Virginia accent. L O
I T E R lawd l A W E R
I n G. Yeah. Censor if you if you just
(42:11):
can't be in front of the store, because either you're
coming in or you're not. So if you're not okay,
I'll take a Do you sell chili dogs. No, no,
it's a cigar shop. It's a tobacco shop. But why
do I get a chili dog too? You're not inside yet,
so you guys can just do what you want. I'm
just saying you can't lawyer outside. No lawyers, no lawyers.
(42:32):
Oh you want to handle him out of them? Let's go, right, sir,
don't slap him. Don't slap don't. I'm going back in thinking,
damn safe Stone, you are strong. Yeah. I used to
bench press raccoons around my house. I hit a stick
full of dead meat and I let them all jump
(42:53):
off top, and then I just it's press. It's many raccoons,
it's been on that stick. Well, I guess I'll be
heading out. Then one of you just hit one of
my employees. Yeah, yeah, I did. You're you're gonna need
a lawyer because I'm about your lawyer. Are you his lawyer?
(43:14):
I don't know, am I? Yeah? I really like that?
All right? Well, if you're a lawyered up, I gotta
talk to you. I guess tell your client that if
he doesn't leave, I'm gonna whoop his ass. Okay, okay,
mm hmm. Five cents, ten cents fifteen cents. It's funny.
(43:38):
Are you gonna Are you gonna tell him counting on
this business? No sole proprietor. What do you know about
loving a customer? You do anything for a customer, That's
what love is. And I was like, you're just about
(44:01):
to hit one. My My employee told me you two
were loitering out here, so you weren't a customer. You
know what we would like to be customers? Two hilly dogs?
Please here, bear hugs first? God, Mr you too, sir?
(44:24):
What's going on? Three A way? Hug? Come on, I'm
gonna go. Let's go east ton of a bear. I
love my custom I just don't know what you're trying
to say to me. You called the doctor, called the
(44:45):
doctor and get him on the phone. Okay, hopefully it's
not that goddamn receptionist. She gives me a bad attitude
every time I talked to her. Oh, I understand that
you too? Yeah? Uh? Did you did you even dial? Yeah?
(45:06):
I trust you. I trust you. You've reached the Filch building.
If you know the correct code for the department you're
trying to reach, please enter now. It's not The directory
will be available after the beat Terry, you do one
of your recording right now? Yeah? Uh, all right, for
(45:36):
the dentist, Press one for cars, Press two for tiny
Did you press two? Transferring you to cars? This is
cars that can help you. Uh no, no, no, give
(45:56):
me the phone, Give me the phone. We have salesman,
but we don't have any doctors. You it's just oh,
you're not the doctor. This is cars. I can understand you. Okay.
What I need is really just a translator. This is love.
If I'm dealing with here, I need to know what
my my husband wants to say. Can you talk to
him and tell me what he's saying? What you know? Love, Tracy?
(46:19):
How did you know my name? Is that what my
husband said to you? No, we got a employee name
love Tracy. Oh no, no, no, can you tell me
when my husband tells you on the phone and translator
for me? And yeah, my name is Stacy. Stacy. Okay, Stacey,
nice to meet you. We love our customers. All right,
give it back to the other person. I'll see what
the h ha ha, alright, alright, put it back, put
(46:50):
your put your partner back on. I'm gonna put you
on speaker phone. It's gonna be way easier. It's gonna
be way easier. I don't like I don't like speaker
phone yet. What did he say? He said he feels
like a chili dog. Oh my god, I feel like
a chili dog. We've been a bunch of chili dogs
over here. First year. Did you see anything else that
(47:16):
was a sort of it? Wow? I guess you're behind
bars now. Huh. Sorry I wasn't such a good lawyer
after all. Yeah? Did you did you actually study law?
From doing there? I did a semester at sea? Yeah?
(47:37):
Was there any law? It doesn't matter. I'm here. Look,
I like you. I made that clear. I really like you. Yeah,
I'm kind of you know, I'm not really feeling in
the moment. You know, I am serving sixteen years, you know, mentally,
I gotta be here, you know, I know, I know.
(47:59):
I'm I'm stupid. I'm stupid, I mean idiot. Two minutes.
Say what you need to say, because it ends in
two minutes. Say what I need to say in two minutes.
I guess this is goodbye. Oh you're not gonna come
back to face it? I don't think so. What did
you say? Sixteen years? Yeah? Yeah, but I'll get out
(48:22):
in twelve good probation. Yeah, okay, well I mean did
you did? You did have a lot to do with
me being in here maybe once a month. My clock
was wrong thirty seconds. So I just need to know
what I do. Need to tell the guards if you're
coming or not, because I'm not. I'm going to head
(48:44):
it back to that food court. Just wait, wait, wait,
don't leave you like, come on, I can't be alone.
Come on, don't do this, don't do this, you don't
do this, you do this? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go.
(49:04):
And she likes me, she likes me, she likes seen
three on the show and a happy note. Love is eternal.
Oh oh yeah. Um, thank you all very much for
being here for our second to last recording of two
(49:25):
thousand one. Let's start our thanks with Mr Christoph Varado Christoff.
I mean, come on, dude, this for the next hundred years.
If I can send over the contract this afternoon, Thank
you so much. Yeah, yeah, thank you, Mark Accleardi, thank
you so much. Man. It's so good to see you guys.
(49:47):
Happy New Year to everybody, and thank you. Yeah. This
is always super fun and may everybody have hog jowels
on new Year's Day. Please Amen, Amen, James seeny, thank
you so very much in Happy New Year. Thank you.
I'm so Glado is gonna be everything I dreamed that
(50:10):
was gonna be. You guys put me in a much
better mood than I started this show. Oh excellent, our
work is done. Here a tool singing, thank you, thank you,
thanks for having me. It's always fun to be here.
I'm excited about next year. If anyone goes to the
Glendale pool or the Echo Park pool. Uh, maybe you'll
see me there. Look at that sweet mug A tool
(50:32):
whoa is sporting? Nicely played? Uh, Joey Greer, Yes, thank
you much love being sent to the area of the
country that you are in. Yeah, how we need it?
(50:53):
I mean I could give the specific address if you're
cool with that. No, no, okay, no one one six
to no. No. Oh, you're saying, don't do it. I'm saying,
do not okay? Party down Lane, Miami, Florida. How do
I mute this? Ah? Man? Uh? And let's thank our
(51:17):
engineering producer to the stars, Richard Doug Baye. Fim, folks
that I hurt media, I'm your host, thanking you, uh
ever so much for spending another year with us, and
regardless of when you're listening to this in the future,
just know that right now here, in this moment, we
(51:39):
are exceptionally grateful to you and much love to you
and yours. Remember to be kind to each other. It's
the easiest choice. And uh, well, until next time and
(52:01):
a football