Charm them into compliance

Appeal to people's best instincts

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is to be charming, not combative. When you are
trying to influence behavior.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
You will get more flies with honey than vinegar, as
the saying goes, and in life in general, this turns
out to be true. So I live near an intersection
with signs boasting that it is the most courteous corner
on the main line. I have no idea of the
source or the accuracy of this superlative. I don't know

(00:47):
how one would even measure and rank intersections based on courtesy,
but I do have a hunch about the sign's purpose.
When you are at the most courteous corner in town,
you are probably going to wait your turn at the
stop sign. You are going to signal your turn and
smile at the pedestrian instead of gesturing for him to

(01:08):
hurry up. When you are at the most courteous corner
in the neighborhood, you are primed to be courteous yourself.
I have read about a park in Memphis that takes
a similarly positive approach to getting visitors to follow the
rules Instead of signs telling dog owners that Memphis has

(01:29):
a leash law, which it does. The park has signs
addressed to dogs reminding them to keep their humans attached
by leash. This is because the sign explains it's super
awkward when they go bounding up to strangers. Apparently, the
same park kept people off its new sod with birth

(01:50):
announcement style signs with a stork proclaiming that this baby
grass was born to the Overton Park family, complete with
the grass's birthday. There is so much wisdom and signs
like these. They are cheerful and, in the case of
the park signs, clever and funny. You notice the signs,

(02:12):
you like them. You might even point them out to
your friends or snap a photo. The signs get your attention.
Plus the sign stances about what we do. We are
courteous to drivers and pedestrians. We keep dogs leashed and
respect people's space. We stay off our baby grass because

(02:34):
we are celebrating it and wanted to thrive. The signs
make people want to engage in pro social behavior. We
are part of a community. This is much better than
a sign with prohibitions or demands from an impersonal authority.
We often ignore signs like these, and at worst we
may feel an urge to violate them, even if we

(02:55):
are not especially oppositional. Signs that say no sitting on
the steps in all capital letters kind of make me
want to sit on the steps. So what's the relevance
for those of us not in the sign making business?
For starters, whether you're using a sign or an email
or live instructions, you may be better off creating a

(03:18):
sense of identity and community among the people whose behavior
you're trying to shape. For instance, at some schools, norms
or rules are presented as let's call it the any
town school way. Kids may disregard rules or even feel
that rules beg to be broken, but when norms are
framed as the way their school does things, kids may

(03:41):
come to view them as a matter of identity. If
that's how things are done at any town school, I
want to be part of the community, so that's how
I will do them too. Using we language tends to
be helpful. Saying let's all check our cell phones to
make sure our ring are off while checking your own

(04:02):
phone is a lot better than demanding silence your cell
phone without looking at your own phone. Signs and instructions
also tend to be more effective and less off putting
when they focus on a mutually valued purpose. That's the
idea behind the signs at the park about protecting the
baby grass. Presumably you have a reason for asking people

(04:27):
to adhere to a specific behavior, at least I hope
you do. So connect instructions to the why please don't
use flash photography during the show because it can distract
the dancers makes a lot more sense than just no
photography allowed. So when you're trying to get people to
follow rules that benefit everyone, take a lesson from the

(04:49):
courteous corner and the friendly park signs aim to charm
friends instead of controlling strangers, everyone is more likely to comply.
In the meantime, This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and
here's to making the most of our time. Thanks for

(05:19):
listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback,
you can reach me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com.
Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts
from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or

(05:42):
wherever you listen to your favorite shows.