Clear is kind

If something needs to be said, it's best to be direct

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is that clear is kind. Don't convince yourself that
it is nice to be vague or avoid giving feedback. Often,

(00:26):
the most generous thing we can do is to tell
the truth directly. So we have probably all been in
a situation when a person with spinach stuck in her
teeth keeps chatting and smiling with the nice people who
pretend not to notice the spinach. We all justify our
silence by telling ourselves we don't want to embarrass her

(00:48):
by telling her it's there. And maybe that is fine
at a party, But sometimes the feedback is more serious
than a little spinach in the teeth. Maybe you've got
a colleague who talks too much in meetings and has
a tendency to ramble, but no one coaches him on
that because no one wants to hurt his feelings. Or

(01:09):
maybe someone sends emails that are way too informal for
your industry and your manager has brought up the issue,
but in a vague way that doesn't get the message across.
You know, some blanket statement in a meeting that we
all need to work on clear communication. Really, your colleague
comes away thinking, yes, I am clear, and everyone likes

(01:30):
my friendliness and effusiveness, not knowing people are cringing through
every message. We might tell ourselves we are not direct
because we want to spare the other person's feelings, But
if the feedback wouldn't be delivered in a hurtful or
humiliating way, then in truth, the actual motivation is to

(01:51):
spare awkwardness for ourselves that is not considered of the
other person at all. And here is a statistic that
I make you pause. There is some evidence that women
get less clear and actionable feedback at work than men
do from their managers. That means women are losing out

(02:13):
on chances to improve. Clear feedback shows that you are
taking someone seriously because you want them to get the
chance to do great things in the future. So, if
there is something that needs to be said or made known,
it is compassionate, respectful, and productive to communicate it directly. Now,

(02:35):
that doesn't mean it needs to be done in front
of a lot of people or in any sort of
mean way. It just needs to be clear, James, you
need to share airtime in the meeting. See if you
can make your point in two to three sentences. Max,
I'll not at you and you should probably wrap it up.
I think you'll see that you can end your statements
a lot earlier than you're ending them, Or Mary, your

(02:58):
emails need to be more professional. You can go through
and take out most of the exclamation points and slang
and emojis. We could go through one of your drafts
together and rewrite it if you'd like. I'm sure we
can still make it sound like you, but feel more
respectful for your clients. If you're feeling ambivalent about being clear,

(03:19):
put yourself in the other person's shoes. Consider what facts
and feedback you would want to know and how you
would like to hear it. Depending on the circumstances, you
can also ask the person whether they would like feedback
and whether this is a good time. But trust me,

(03:40):
I always want to know if I have spinach in
my teeth. A little Laura with a motion to the
mouth would probably work. If not say it, because then
the next people I'm talking to won't also be wondering
the same thing. In the meantime, this is Laura, Thanks

(04:02):
for listening, and here's to making the most of our time.
Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas,
or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura
vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia.

(04:31):
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