Find your family visiting groove

Choose a regular cadence for getting together with loved ones

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is to find your family visiting groove, figure out
what works for your family for getting together, and then

(00:25):
put it on repeat so you can enjoy time together
without a whole lot of mental effort. On my other podcast,
Best of Both Worlds, my co host Sarah hart Unger
and I recently discussed managing relationships with extended family. One
approach that we both find helpful is to figure out

(00:48):
a visiting cadence. If you can find a regular rhythm
for visiting either near or far flung relatives, then no
one has to think about it and you see each
other with a lot less drama. Here's an example. Sarah's parents, sister,
and niece live in the Philadelphia area, not that far

(01:11):
from me as it happens, and she realized that the
fourth of July tends to be a great time to
visit them, so she's done that for many years running.
Her extended family now has favorite Independence Day traditions and
they look forward to that time to gather every summer.
They don't have to start from scratch every year and

(01:32):
making plans to get together. They already know that the
fourth of July at Sarah's parents' house is the place
to be. I know of a big family that always
gathers on the last night of Hanukkah. This has the
upside of meaning everyone plans to get together regularly, and
they build traditions, and they know they are going to

(01:52):
see each other, and bonus, it tends not to conflict
with other gatherings. Many people do celebrations at the beginning
of Hanukkah, but the last night might be a bit
more open. By claiming the last night and making that
a regular cadence, family members can go celebrate with friends
or in laws for the first night and know that

(02:14):
they will still see each other. Everyone is happy. Sometimes
these visiting cadences arise organically. You realize that you have
spent Thanksgiving with one side of the family every year
for several years, and so you decide to just keep
doing it, especially if it seems that the other side
of your family doesn't care all that much about Thanksgiving,

(02:38):
or perhaps they're local so you already see them every week.
But in other cases you might want to actively figure
out and create a visiting groove. If that is the case,
first think big picture with your spouse or partner. If relevant,
about family members that you want to see in person,
write them down or make a spreadsheet. Then to decide

(03:00):
what cadence feels right. This might be as frequently as
once a week for some people, or as infrequently as
every few years for others. By deciding in general terms
how often you want to see various relatives, you will
be intentional about who you see and not just default
to whoever is most organized about making plans. Though I

(03:21):
like those people, you should see them. Once you have
an idea of who you'd like to see, try to
match various people with times when it would be convenient
or especially nice to get together. For instance, if you
have a work conference every October in Chicago, that is
a natural time to add on a visit to your
brother who lives there. If you grew up going to

(03:41):
the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade with your family every year,
it could be fun to spend Thanksgiving with your sister
who lives in Brooklyn, so you can go to the
parade that leaves Christmas for your husband's family in Arizona
sounds like a good place to be in December. If
there's an attraction to your area at a particular time
of year, you could invite folks to visit you. Then,

(04:03):
who doesn't want to visit the Miami cousins for Martin
Luther King Day weekend. Everyone loves warmth and sunshine in January.
People may be less excited to visit Miami for the
fourth of July when the heat becomes intolerable. If you
get together with family at a time that turns out
to work well, put it on repeat. Within a few years,

(04:25):
it will just feel normal and become part of your
annual calendar landscape, especially if you have a lot of
loved ones you'd like to visit who live far away.
Planning get togethers just isn't easy. Add in a partner,
in kids' schedules, scarce PTO days and a limited travel
budget and planning is even harder. But with some big

(04:49):
picture strategy and the wisdom to put plans on repeat,
you can find a visiting groove that works. What are
your family visiting grews? You can let me know at
Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. In the meantime, this

(05:09):
is Laura. Thanks for listening and here's to making the
most of our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast.
If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach
me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast

(05:37):
is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia,
please visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
listen to your favorite shows.