Have your answers ready

Smart answers to small talk questions open the door to better conversations

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is to have your answers ready for questions you
know you are going to get. In general, people tend

(00:25):
to ask the same things, so when you have your
answers ready, you will be able to make a good
impression and connect authentically with the other person. Today's tip
comes from Alison Frigale. She is a professor at the
University of North Carolina's Business School and has written extensively

(00:45):
about status, power and negotiation. In her work, she starts
from the assumption that her readers are already talented and likable.
She explains in some of her recent work that because
status is about perp, you don't need to work harder
to raise your status. You just need to be seen

(01:06):
and appreciated for all that you already are. One way
to do that is to have what she calls a
throwaway questions strategy. That is an approach to answering those
predictable questions people ask that will highlight your warmth through
your assertiveness or both. We all know that we need

(01:28):
to anticipate and prepare for questions we are likely to
be asked in high stakes contexts like job interviews or
big presentations, But it turns out we can do the
same for questions that we will be asked in everyday contexts.
After all, these are opportunities to make a good impression

(01:49):
and to connect as well. For instance, if you haven't
seen someone in at least a few weeks, they are
probably going to ask how you are doing. You could
say fine or busy, but why not have a better
answer that reinforces the perception you want people to have
of you. So if someone asks me how life is going,

(02:09):
I might say great, I just put the finishing touches
on a manuscript of a book that will be out
next year. Or if it's more of a personal context,
I might say great, I'm looking forward to going on
a choir tour this summer along with my oldest son.
Both of those answers share things that I am excited about,
and they both also open the door for more conversation.

(02:31):
An obvious follow up question is to ask what my
book is about. An obvious follow up question is where
the choir is going, or have you been singing longer?
Is your son studying music? Or any of those topics.
When you are specific in your responses, the follow up
questions and subsequent conversation are just going to be richer.

(02:55):
Small talk that remains superficial can be painfully boring and
is basically pointless because it doesn't connect you to the
other person. You are just filling time. A slightly more
thoughtful answer does a lot more work. To have a

(03:16):
more thoughtful answer. You do have to think about all
this ahead of time, But the good news is that
most people aren't investigative reporters. The odds are good that
you are going to be asked very predictable questions at
any gathering you attend. How's work, how's the family, what

(03:37):
are you doing this summer? What have you been up
to since graduation? How do you know the groom? What's
keeping you busy these days? So think about how you
might answer these throwaway questions, and not only can you
create a good impression, you can make the conversation that
follows a lot more interesting, and that can make any

(03:59):
event a lot more fun. In the meantime, this is Laura,
Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of
our time. Thanks for listening to Before breakfast, If you've

(04:21):
got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at
Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a
production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

(04:43):
your favorite shows.