It doesn't always have to be you

Everyone benefits from a broad support system

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is that you are not the only one who
can show love and support to your kids, friends, and

(00:23):
extended family. Other people can show up for them too.
It doesn't always have to be you, and there may
be upsides to showing people the breadth of people who
support them. So my husband and I have five kids
and two busy careers, so it is simply not possible

(00:44):
to be out everything for every kid. It is not
even a matter of work and life clashing. You know
that trope of someone being devastated because a late flight
means she misses the softball game. In my case, it
is often life and life clashing. If one kid has
a game at the same time as another kid's game,

(01:06):
there is no way to be at both simultaneously. It
doesn't matter if you are super mom or super dad.
It is still not physically possible. When people say things
like I've never missed a game, I think, well, they
just must not have that many kids. But anyway, I digress.

(01:29):
We go to a lot and miss other things when
we can't do something we can often enlist someone else
to go instead. For instance, my five year old had
a special person's tea last spring at school, right around
Mother's Day. I am very glad they called it special persons.
I was speaking overseas and my husband was also gone.

(01:52):
So who went our fifteen year old son, who happened
to have the morning off school because the high school
was doing some testing that he wasn't scheduled to need
to do. My older son was a good sport about it.
And how cool for a preschooler to have your teenage
big brother come to your class. Frankly, I think that's

(02:13):
a lot more special than having mommy come. Mommy does
a lot of preschool stuff, teenage brother not so much.
Especially as we head into December with all the extra
performances and holiday parties and the like. It can be
great to spread the love. Maybe grandparents can come to
a band concert and take the kid out for ice

(02:33):
cream while you are traveling or are at another kid's
dance recital which happens to be at the exact same time.
Maybe a neighbor can bake cookies with a kid. If
you are tied up with swim meats on multiple weekends
with another child. This is also true for visiting elderly
relatives or driving them to appointments or errands. It doesn't

(02:54):
always have to be you. If you can mobilize friends
or a broader network to visit and help out from
time to time, there's less pressure on everyone. Your mother
might enjoy a half hour visit from your childhood best friend,
and your childhood best friend, who also has elderly parents,
will be perfectly comfortable interacting with a little invitation or nudge.

(03:17):
Your mom's former neighbor might be willing to visit too,
Or maybe a friend just had a new baby or
is recovering from surgery and you know her family could
use help with meals. You don't have to cook for
her family and yours every night. Create a meal train
and rally others to help out, or send lots of
door dash gift certificates those work as well. As people

(03:41):
say it takes a village to raise a child, it
also takes a village to care for other relatives and
keep them connected. It takes a village to get through
hard times. Don't assume that you have to be everything
to the people you love. One of the best gifts
you can offer is to invite other people to extend
their love and support too. This takes pressure off you

(04:05):
and lets your loved ones see the broader family and
community that will support them. There's a lot to be
said for all of that. In the meantime, this is Laura.
Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of
our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've

(04:31):
got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at
Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a
production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

(04:53):
your favorite shows.