Red pants or blue pants?

To set boundaries, offer choices that are all workable for you

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is to offer a fixed set of options to
guide decisions in a direction that works for you. Today's

(00:25):
tip comes from author and career coach Melody Wilding. Her
latest book is Managing Up, How to Get what you
need from the People in Charge. When Melody was a
guest on this podcast a few months ago, she offered
a tip for the boundaries conversation. This is the conversation
you need to have when you are assigned a new

(00:47):
project but you are already at capacity. She recommended taking
what she calls the trade off approach, or offering what
she says is called forced choice in the research. Here's
how that works. If your boss assigns you a new
project when you are scrambling to complete what is already

(01:08):
on your plate, ask your boss which of your current
projects she wants you to delay. You are clear about
the impact of this new project, you can't complete the
existing projects on schedule, and you position your boss as
a partner and figuring out how to adjust deadlines in

(01:28):
alignment with her priorities. You are not assuming the deadlines
are fixed. Instead, you're assuming your capacity is relatively fixed,
and you are working with your boss to adjust the
deadlines as needed. You are giving her a choice about
how to do this. I love this approach. You're maintaining

(01:50):
your boundaries and not taking on more than you can
realistically be expected to do. But you're also not simply
saying no. You're also not adjusting the deadlines in your
head and just hoping for the best. You and your
manager become a team and figuring out what you can
sustainably do. As I said to Melody when she explained

(02:12):
the forced choice approach, I can't help but being reminded
of the parenting strategy of giving toddler's choices. The idea
is that you give your three year old a set
of choices, but all the options are acceptable to you.
Do you want to wear the red pants or the
blue pants? Would you like oatmeal, an egg or yogurt?

(02:33):
Do you want to walk to your room or would
you like me to carry you? While your boss is
not a toddler, though I realized there might be some similarities,
the logic is the same in both cases. Some choices
are not acceptable to you. Your toddler probably can't wear
her pink shorts in January, even if she really likes them,

(02:55):
because it is ten degrees outside. You really can't complete
an infinite amount of work and a limited amount of time,
So you take those choices off the table. That's not
being difficult or insubordinate. That's being clear about what is doable. Then,
from the set of options that are doable, you give

(03:17):
freedom to your child or invite the leadership of your boss.
The choice is theirs. You've maintained your boundaries while offering choice,
and in the professional context, you've also honored your boss's
leadership and made the most of her big picture view.
This is a great way to protect your boundaries and

(03:39):
be seen as a team player. Now, sometimes a toddler
will just scream about the available options. She really doesn't
want the red pants or the blue pants, but hopefully
your boss won't do that. If she does, well, now
you have a different choice. But that is a top

(04:00):
for another episode. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks
for listening, and here's to making the most of our time.
Thanks for listening to before breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas,

(04:21):
or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura
vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia.
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